#and whats making it worse is me having to go back and forth with the damn hospital
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TOO LOST IN YOU - part IV
Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc
playlist, part I, part II, part III
Warnings: smut and i mean FILTHY OK, toxic!paige, kinda cheating, language, etc.
Wordcount: 7.4k (sorry but there's smut ok)
A/N: TY for being so patient with me, i've been feeling sick but slowly getting better and finally got this done. finally some fluff for y'all. also please leave feedback/live reactions I LOVE THAT SHIT! ok enjoy guys mwah <3
-
“You’re joking, right Paige?” A frustrated voice comes through the speaker as I lean back on the couch, spreading my legs to find a more comfortable position. The game of fortnite me, Aubrey and Ice had been planning on for like a week was turned down, not wanting the phone’s mic picking up the sounds.
“‘M afraid not,” I mumble into the phone, biting my lower lip in concentration. I was so close to getting a kill if I could just finally hang up, but here I still was, fifteen minutes of going back and forth on some topic that didn’t need all this drama with a girl whose last name I’d forgotten.
“But it’s my birthday,” Clara whines into my ear. Watching my character get killed, I groan and tilt my head back, throwing the controller onto my grey sweats.
“I know, baby. Look we can do a lil something next week, lemme make it up to you,” I say into the phone, needing to get this girl to get off my ass. “I promise.” I didn’t mean that though, it was just empty words.
Truth was I just needed some time, after what happened the other night with Valerie I had felt my thoughts chipping away at me. The things running through my head had made sleeping impossible and practice even worse. The lack of control I felt when she was around me was terrifying. I needed a night just with my girls, badly.
I felt tense, distracted.
“Clara, whatchu want me to do? it's an emergency.”
To get away from Clara’s plans for the night Aubrey and Ice had helped me to come up with an elaborate lie about me “pulling a muscle in my wrist and it needed resting”. I hadn’t found it as believable but for Clara it worked.
The girl’s soft sigh comes through the phone. “Fine, ok. But you gotta make it up to me.”
“I will I will,” I mumble, unaware of what I’m really saying, stuffing my mouth with a fistful of popcorn from a bowl on the couch. Sitting cross legged on the floor, Ice lets out a loud laugh, quickly covering her mouth as I give her a scolding look, pointing to the phone. Thankfully Clara doesn’t hear a thing.
As the new game begins I quickly grab the controller from my grey sweats, I needed to wrap up this call quick.
“I wish you’d let me come take ca-”
“Gotta go Clara, happy birthday,” I yell hurriedly into the phone before Clara could even finish, hanging up the phone and throwing it onto the couch which makes Aubrey and Ice snicker.
-
“Bro you suck at this game!” I yell at Aubrey who looks at me offended.
“Nah, that wasn’t my fault!! It was Ice!!” she scoffs.
The ringing of my phone interrupts the conversation. Before I can pick it up, or even complain about Clara getting clingy, the sound stops. Not to sound too cocky or like a piece of shit but if it was one of the girls on my roster, that ringing wouldn’t have stopped for a minute. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the power I had over some of these chicks, how they stayed up till 4am just to see if I called them up. They didn’t need to let me know it’s what they did, I knew all too well.
I grab my phone and quickly unlock it. With wide eyes and heart fluttering, I dial back.
“Paige I thought we were gonna have a girls’ night,” Aubrey groans but my finger comes up to shush her when I hear a soft voice come through the phone.
“Hey?”
“Valerie?” I ask, I can barely hear her from the loud traffic nearly burying the sound of her voice.
“Wh- why are you callin’ me?” she asks, her words are slurred enough to let me know she’s drunk. Even so, hearing her sweet voice might as well have been a choir of angels singing.
“You called me, mama,” I chuckle softly, walking away from the girls to hear better.
There’s a moment of silence between us as I slide into my own dorm room, closing the door behind me, leaning against it.
“Oh… uh I was trying to call Paige,” she murmurs and loudly gasps. I can hear her slapping her own mouth and a cocky smirk grows on my face. “JAY, JAY I WAS. I was trying to call Jay.”
The bite on my lower lip stuffles the laugh I let out. Honestly, it made me feel a little smug knowing she said my name instead of hers. I wonder if I was really on her mind that much. It had been quite a long time since I had wondered anything like that.
“Ohh right… Justine,” I joke, the name making me giggle each time. This time, Valerie giggles too.
“Don’t make fun P.”
“Alright alright,” I chuckle walking over to my bed and sitting down on it, pulling down my sweats a little so my boxers peak out. Faint screaming in the background of the call reminds me of why Val called in the first place - she’s drunk. “Woah, where you at Val?”
A deep sigh comes through the phone. “I dunno where my friends went, they were my rideee,” she whines, the sound of the cars making it hard to hear her. I lean forward resting my elbow on the knees.
“Did you call ‘em?” I ask, concerned over how drunk she was. How could her friends just dip? I’m gonna need to have a word with them.
“I’m nodding,” she slurs out and groans frustratedly. “Such a long way to walk,” Valerie whines again.
I’m already reaching for my keys when the words come out of my mouth. “Drop your location Val.”
She groans. “I’m walking by the highway.”
“You’re WHAT?” I yell into the phone, throwing on a puffer vest over my grey sweatshirt, struggling to get my shoes on. This girl was gonna get herself killed I swear.
“Relaaxxx.”
“Sit down and drop your location, I’m comin to get you ma.”
“Paige you’re so dr-”
“Sit your ass down. I’m so forreal now Valerie.” I command, without even waving a careless bye to the girls as I rush out, the plans for a girl’s night quickly forgotten. After a whine and a sigh from the drunk girl on the line I hear her set herself onto the ground.
“Fine,” her voice murmurs and I sigh in relief.
All of the fury I felt at her for being so careless goes away when I see her, in boots and a leather jacket thrown carelessly over her skimpy dress, sitting on the ground playing with the ends of her golden brown hair. I pull the car over, quickly rushing to her. How could her friends leave her in a state like that? From now on I should watch over her all the time, just to make sure she doesn’t get in trouble.
Nevermind her friends, how could Jay let this happen? If Valerie was my girl she would not be alone like this, yet alone going out without me at all. She needs someone who takes care of her, who truly cherishes every single thing about her.
“Paigeyyy,” she smiles as I reach down and pick her up, her hair was a mess and eyes bloodshot and tired. There’s a strong smell of alcohol as Valerie wraps her arms around me, but I don’t mind. I wanted to be mad at her for being so irresponsible, for making me come get her. But I couldn’t be.
I grin as I help steady her. Anyone could notice she’s gleaming looking up at me. Usually that would make my chest tighten, make me feel sick and claustrophobic. Now, for some reason, I felt like gleaming too.
“C’mon silly girl, before you get in more trouble,” I murmur, opening the door and making sure she gets in the car, helping her with the seatbelt.
“I got it Paige,” she laughs as I reach over her lap, grabbing the belt but I slap her hand away gently, biting the inside of my cheek to stifle the way I wanted to smile, the butterflies growing inside me.
“Lemme do it ma,” I tell her hoarsely. She’s grinning at me stupidly as I buckle her in, my fingers running along her neck to fix the belt. When our eyes meet just for a moment, it takes every bit of my self discipline not to kiss her, the way her tongue slides over her lips enticingly.
The drive back is quiet, soft R&B the only sound filling the car. I hum along to the songs, tapping the steering wheel to the beat. Valerie watches as she rests her head against the seat. An involuntary smirk takes over my face, my eyes flicking from her to the road to my speed. I was driving much more carefully than usual, I had something precious to take home.
“You admirin’ the view?” I tease earning a lighthearted scoff from Valerie.
“No I’m… thinking,” she explains slowly, moving her eyes to the road too. Suddenly she wasn’t so giggly, but seemed to be sobering up.
“I got some water in the back if you need,” I tell her, already reaching for it, other hand on the wheel as I lean back on the driver’s seat.
She reaches for it with me, our fingertips brushing against each other as I hand it over. “Thanks,” she murmurs and takes a few big gulps.
Valerie’s shoulders slump as she takes a deep sigh, I know her well enough that something was clearly on her mind.
“I lied P,” she says, her voice small. For a moment a wave of confusion washes over me, and I look at her expectantly. My first assumption is she’s talking about what happened between us in the bathroom, about how she hadn’t told Jay about it.
“‘S okay Justine don’t have to know,” I quickly console but Valerie is shaking her head.
“No I meant… Fuck, I mean I did mean to call you,” she let’s out, frustrated. “It wasn’t an accident.”
I swallow, feeling a heat rise to my cheeks. Was I… blushing? I must be more whipped than I realised.
“Oh yeah?” I ask, my tone a little too needy for my liking - I didn’t want her to think, no, to know I cared. That it mattered to me. Valerie could never know how I felt. I would just end up fucking everything up, at least now I had basketball. That’s enough.
“I just… I dunno I don’t wanna go to my dorm,” Valerie sighs, fidgeting with her fingers on her lap.
“Why’s that?”
“Jay’s waiting for me,” Valerie says with a slight shake in her voice.
Oh.
At first I’d been more jealous than I’d like to admit, the idea of Valerie, my Valerie, with someone else made me sick. But running into them at that party I knew Justine could never do what I could. But most importantly, Valerie didn’t shine the way she did with me with Justine. I had an inkling there was nothing to be jealous of, and got my confirmation in the bathroom. But now, I only felt more validated. She didn’t even want to be around her. She drunk called me, not her.
“‘S that why you got so fucked up? Because of Jay?” I try to sound nonchalant, like I didn’t care. But I needed to know for sure. I needed to know I wasn’t delusional in thinking she couldn’t just move on from me, from us.
“Something like that,” she chuckles and shifts in the seat, sipping her water still. Without thinking it through, what it might mean, what it says about my feelings, the words slip out.
“I can take you to mine,” I suggest, knowing full well my biggest rule was not letting girls sleep over. I guess my rules had gone way out the window with Valerie.
She scoffs and shakes her head, my heart aching at her disapproval. “No P, it can’t happen anymore, I mean it this time.”
A scoff leaves my mouth as I pull up to the campus parking lot.
“I didn’t mean that dumbass, I mean just to sleep,” I groan, parking my jeep. “I’ll even sleep on the floor.”
Valerie looks at me wide eyed and dumbfounded. Guess I wasn’t coming off as nonchalant as I’d have liked. I felt a strange feeling grow inside me that I could only call nervousness. It had been a while since a girl had made me feel anything even close to it.
“Okay,” Val nods and a wave of relief takes over me - I didn’t want her to go yet. Being with her felt good.
“Okay,” I repeat watching her start getting out of the car. I do the same and we head towards my dorm. Without thinking about it much, my hand wraps around her waist, whether to hold her up or to touch her I’m not sure.
Jana and Allie are in the kitchen talking, their heads peeking out when we come in the door. Meeting their gazes I realise I have never introduced a girl to my teammates.
“Yo, uh, this is Valerie,” I say a little awkwardly, the new situation making me unsure of how to act. Allie and Jana share a look that I pray the drunk brunette clinging to my arm didn’t notice. Looking down I see she’s too busy struggling getting her shoes off. Without thinking about it, I kneel down and my fingers unbuckle the strappy heeled sandals she was wearing, my touch on her skin tender and careful.
“Hey girl,” Jana says intrigued, waving her hand at us. As Valerie nearly trips, she lets out a loud giggle, my hand gripping her thigh, steadying her.
“Whoa there,” I chuckle, standing up from the ground as the brunette slaps her face with her hand, bashfully.
“I’m sorry I make a much better first impression when I’m not drunk,” her sweet voice lets out and somewhere deep down I feel my heart flutter at the idea of her wanting to make a good impression on my friends. Jana and Allie both let out friendly laughs as I guide Valerie towards my room.
“She’s gonna sleep here tonight, that cool?” I ask as we pass my roomies, who are both nodding but clearly shocked at the prospect of me letting a girl sleep over.
I bring the brunette to my room by her hips, closing the door behind us as she throws herself face first onto my purple sheets. She looked good like that, in my room, on my bed, burying her nose into my blanket. For a fleeting moment I let myself dream of an alternate universe where she could be here waiting for me, all the time. Only for a moment though.
“C’mon ma let’s get you ready for bed,” I suggest softly, walking to the bed. She groans and flips onto her back, my eyes flickering to her upper thighs where her dress had hiked up. A sudden need to touch her comes over me, but I push it away. It wouldn’t be right like this.
“But your bed’s so comfyyy,” Valerie lets out a whine as she stretches, her pretty eyes fluttering shut. I can’t help the smile that forms on my face, my heart aching at how cute she looked like this - drunk and tired, mascara flaking underneath her eyes and a small pout on her lips.
Throwing her a navy blue Uconn shirt to sleep in is finally enough to get her to sit back up, her eyelids half closed as her hands start pulling her dress down.
With wide eyes I quickly turn my back to her, staring at the wall. As much as I wanted to, it didn't feel right to watch her change. Valerie only giggles, and I hear her stand up and shimmy out of her clothes, my mouth growing dry from the filthy thoughts in my head right now, the way she was completely bare behind me.
“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before P,” she says teasingly and I almost groan, my mind jumping through memories of the way she looked in just a pair of panties, the curve of her ass, the way her tits sat pretty on her body, that long golden brown hair trailing down her back. Fuck. I felt myself getting wet. I rub my jaw frustratedly, trying to shake my dirty thoughts.
“Just get dressed Val,” I murmur, my voice hoarse with need. Finally, she obliges, throwing on the t-shirt I gave her. It’s not enough to stop my filthy thoughts, seeing her in my shirt and a pair of white lacy panties, thick thighs all on display, nipples hard and visible through the shirt. No. This wasn’t the time.
Valerie is about to crash back into the bed right when I grab her waist to keep her upright.
“Wanna sleep,” she whines as I guide her towards the bathroom.
“I know ma, in a little bit I promise,” I nearly whisper. It was the first time in my life I had promised anything to a girl and meant it.
Closing the bathroom door, I sit Valerie on the counter, her feet dangling off the edge which makes me smile. Grabbing a brand new toothbrush I try to hand it to Valerie, but her head is almost nodding, eyes completely shut now. This girl would be the death of me.
I wet the toothbrush, and gently holding her face, I brush her teeth. My face is only inches from hers as I watch her start to smile, realising what I was doing. For a moment her eyes flicker open and meet mine, and I feel something I have never felt before. I can’t name it, or quite place it, but the warmth in my chest, the blush on my cheeks and the way my breath hitched made itself known.
“Thank you,” Valerie murmurs, her mouth full of foam. She spits it into the sink, rinsing her mouth as I hold her hair, so incredibly softly, as to not hurt or disturb her.
“Let’s get this makeup off mama,” I say mostly to myself, wiping it all off with some micellar water, trying to be as gentle as I could. Her brown eyes roam my face, making me feel flustered.
“What about my skincare routine?” Valerie asks with a furrow of her brows and I chuckle, shaking my head, going over her face with a cotton pad.
“You don’t want me doin’ that, trust,” I murmur as I’m finally done. Watching her, the way her long dark lashes fluttered, her plump lips and soft skin made a shiver run down my spine. She must’ve been the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, even more so like this.
I suddenly notice that my hands are rubbing on the skin of her bare thighs as she watches up at me. I can’t help myself when I lean down and press my lips against her forehead, the tenderness of it making my eyes close. Valerie hums and wraps her arms around my neck, her legs doing the same as I pick her up like that, holding her up by her thighs. Her skin was soft and warm underneath my fingertips, sending sparks all over me.
I carry her to my bed as she clings to me, gently laying her down on my bed and tucking the blanket over her, brushing a strand of hair off her face.
“I’mma get you some water and go sleep on the couch ok?” I murmur, my fingers brushing against her cheek. Her hands urgently grab my wrist and pull me closer.
“Don’t go,” she whispers and my heart nearly breaks at the way her voice sounds, pleading.
“You sure Val?” I ask carefully.
“Please.”
It doesn’t take more than that to have me throwing off my clothes, leaving me in black boxers and a Nike sports bra and climbing into bed next to her. I carefully lay my head down onto the pillow, studying her features. The curve of her nose, the way her eyebrows arched, the hint of red on her cheeks from the alcohol. Her eyes flicker open, meeting mine as we stare at each other in the dim room. I could feel the heat of her breath on my face, and she inches her head closer, our noses brushing against each other. I nearly whimper at how good it felt, being this close to her.
My blue eyes travel to her lips, the way they glistened as her tongue brushed over them, the way her lower lip was that much more plump than the upper one. In the haze of the night, it’s like I’m outside of my body, unable to control myself when I lean in and kiss her. Immediately Valerie hums, and I think I’m in heaven when her mouth opens to move against mine.
We had kissed plenty of times. But it was never without fucking afterwards. This was completely new, kissing just because. I didn’t know kissing with no end goal could feel this good. I breathe heavy and loud through my nose as our lips move against each other, Valerie’s hand pulling me closer from the back of my neck. My hand on her waist slides underneath the t-shirt and I press my body flush against hers. I feel all of her, the bare skin of her legs wrapping into mine, her breasts against me. But it’s enough for me. Just to have her like this.
“P?” Valerie whispers, as I nuzzle my nose against her, breathless from the kiss.
“Yeah?” I murmur softly, the overwhelming warmth in my chest feeling dizzying.
“I-” she hesitates. “I know you don’t… like when girls spend the night-”
I stop her with a kiss, more for my own sake than hers. It might drive me insane if I have to think about it for longer than ten seconds. The way I was bending all my own rules, the feelings deep inside me. I felt terrified. I didn’t wanna think about it right now.
“You needed me Val,” I whisper against her lips, knowing it wouldn’t be a solution but that explanation would do. It’s not like I was in love, but I did care about her to an extent I guess. And I would never let her be in danger. Ever. I helped because I wanted her safe and because deep down I was a good person. But it has nothing to do with love.
I wrap my arms around the girl next to me, pulling her face into the crook of my neck, her leg swinging over my waist and nuzzling into me. I gently run my hand up and down her back until I feel her go limp in my arms and just for a second I let myself inhale the scent of her, my nose buried into her hair. Maybe, just maybe, if I wasn’t Paige Bueckers, if I wasn’t me, this might have had something to do with love.
-
As the morning sun shines in through the window I feel myself stir awake, immediately met with a pounding in my head as my eyes flutter open. I feel a tight grip around my waist, holding me tight. For a moment I get the uneasy feeling that it’s Jay, but then I hear the light snore of Paige in my ear. Warmth spreads all over my body when I feel her pull me closer in her sleep, her nose pressed against the back of my neck.
A soft smile spreads on my face as I remember last night, Paige picking me up, driving me back, taking care of me, letting me stay over. My stomach fills with butterflies knowing this isn’t what Paige did for any girl. The only thing that mattered to her was ball and that’s it. Girls were just a distraction, something fun to do. But she didn’t care, right? Then why did it feel like she did, when she took care of me last night?
An incredible thirst from my hungover takes over, and I carefully peel Paige’s hand from my waist. Thinking I was sneaky enough to make my escape, I start to climb out of the bed when the strong arm quickly pulls me back down, pressing my back into her front once more.
“Where you going?” Paige’s voice is deep and hoarse from sleep, words muffled against my neck as she holds me down, nuzzling her face into my skin.
“Need some water,” I murmur trying to flatten my hair and push the hand away but Paige doesn’t fold. All she does is shake her head.
“No,” she murmurs and holds me even tighter. It’s almost overwhelming, the way I was getting affection from her. For a moment I try and figure out why she would act like this, but then she kisses my shoulder through the navy shirt and I forget all about it.
“Paigeee,” I giggle but she only keeps shaking her head, her hands tightening around me.
“A lil longer,” she hums, her voice tickling against my ear.
“But I’m thirsty.”
“Fine.”
With a groan, Paige gives my cheek a kiss and climbs out of bed, putting on her basketball shorts and going out to fetch the water. I scooch up on the bed, quickly fixing my hair and trying to make myself look presentable when Paige walks in, carrying two bottles.
“There you go princess,” she grins. Her hair is matted and blue eyes tired as she gets back into bed next to me but I’m quite sure she’s never looked better. However, a sliver of fear in the back of my mind is nibbling away at me. I didn’t understand why she was acting this way, usually Paige’s motives were clear to me. Not this time.
Before I can spiral Paige leans towards me and presses a gentle kiss on my lips, her hand holding my cheek as she does. I kiss her back softly, my stomach twisting. Could she really be this good to me?
Paige pulls back and smiles. “Good morning Val,” she hums with another peck to my lips. I let myself smile back, deciding to worry about this later.
“Morning P,” I whisper and pull back to sip on my water, it soothing the pounding in my head.
“Hungover?” the blonde chuckles but I shake my head, though maybe I did feel the shakes a little bit.
Paige bites her lower lip not believing a word I said with a knowing smirk. She grabs her glasses, putting them on herself to see me better in the morning light. I can’t lie, she looks fucking amazing in her glasses and it makes it hard to ignore the ache between my legs when she looks like that - silver chain with a cross on her neck, sports bra, shorts and those fucking glasses.
I snuggle back underneath the blanket, pulling it all the way over my head, like that could somehow hide my filthy thoughts.
“Yo, where you going,” Paige laughs hoarsely, pulling the blanket away. I quickly bury my face in the pillow to hide.
“I don’t look good in the mornings,” I murmur, a blush rising to my cheeks from the way she was staring, let alone the dirty thoughts in my head.
Paige snorts and brushes my hair away from my face. “Oh so you care that much what I think huh?” her voice is smug and it makes me slap her arm, making her hiss.
She slides underneath the blanket too, her head resting next to my pillow. I can feel her watchful eyes roaming my face.
“Get outta here with that shit Val, you know you’re fucking gorgeous,” she murmurs, her words lighthearted but to me they mean more. My stomach filling with butterflies, I finally turn to face her, eyes meeting hers.
“You really think so?” I ask in a moment of vulnerability. I was a confident woman, someone who took care of herself, didn’t need anyone’s approval. But with Paige I found myself craving it. I hated it
With a roll of her eyes, Paige smirks and pulls me on top of her. “C’mere ma,” she murmurs and her hand drags me down for a kiss by the back of my head. I sigh into her lips, my body against hers and legs straddling her as Paige’s big hands explored my body, slipping underneath the t-shirt and brushing against my side. All the need accumulated since last night, no, since that night in the bathroom finally tips over.
I break the kiss to sit back up and pull off the t-shirt, Paige’s mouth agape as she looks up at me, wetting her lips as her eyes wander around my body, letting out a heavy breath as her gaze lands onto my breasts.
“Perfect girl,” she coos, bringing her hand to cup my breast. Goosebumps cover my skin as I lower myself back to kiss her jaw. I had completely forgotten about Jay at this point, all I saw was Paige.
My hands are quick to find her shorts, pulling them down with urgency while my lips suck on her neck. Usually she reminded me not to leave marks but this time all I hear from her is heavy breathing and quiet groans, bucking her hips up at me. I grin against her neck, testing the waters and sucking a little, enough to leave a little mark. Paige only hums and helps me by throwing her shorts onto the floor.
My fingertips sneak underneath her sports bra, my other hand pushing Paige’s rising hips down, seeking to find contact somewhere.
“Take it off,” I whimper and watch her lust filled gaze never break eye contact as she pulls the bra off, leaving her only in the black boxers. I found my mouth salivating for her, wanting to bury myself between her legs. But I must take my time, I needed to. I needed to drag it out as long as I could.
I watch her hiss and throw her head back as my tongue swirls around her nipple, feeling it turn hard underneath my tongue. Biting on it gently, I grind my clothed core down on her thigh, my wetness growing unbearable.
“Val, you’re killing me,” Paige nearly whines and I giggle, leaving red marks on her breasts, my hands gripping her thighs tight.
“Good,” is all I say as I continue my descent, placing sloppy kisses all over her abs, my mind wandering to the dirty thoughts of what they’d feel like flexing under my pussy, grinding my clit against them. I needed to keep that in mind for the future. But not now, I needed to taste her.
Paige groans frustratedly, and I feel her hands coming to my head to push me down. I slap her hands away, pinning them by her side, lifting my head to look at her. She could easily push my grip away and take me, but Paige was letting me have my fun, my fingers digging into her wrists.
“Baby, c’mon,” she whines, looking down at me with her teeth biting down on her lip, brows furrowed and hips bucking.
“Keep those hands to yourself Bueckers,” I murmur, my lips kissing along the band of her boxers. I hear her groan, arching to my touch. I lift my gaze to her, my eyes wide. “Oh, you want these off?” I ask, acting dumb, slowly beginning to pull down the boxers.
“You’re such a bitch,” Paige says, trying to sound serious but a small whine comes through in her voice, making me grin.
“I think you like it,” I tease, finally pulling the boxers off her. “I think it makes you wet,” I grin seeing the way she’s glistening for me as I spread her legs apart, making room for myself.
“Fuck it does ma,” Paige moans, watching me descend inbetween her legs, her hand finding my brown hair and pulling it off my face. I maintain eye contact, my own core leaking through my panties at this point as I kiss her inner thighs, feeling the way they tremble underneath my lips.
“That’s fucked up, you should go to therapy,” I grin, my mouth slowly inching closer to where she needed me most. “That’s gotta be some kinda- mmph,” suddenly Paige’s hands both pull me to her core, my mouth buried in her cunt as she lets out a guttural moan.
“Ohhhh shit Val that’s it,” she groans as I take the hint, my tongue swirling all around her folds, softly lapping against her clit just the way she likes. Her taste on my tongue feels like heaven and I feel my own eyes roll back from how good it felt to have her like this. My arms wrap around her thighs, pulling her impossibly closer as my lips suck on her clit, earning desperate whines from her.
“Mmmh, that’s it, just like that ma,” she moans and I hear her hiss as my tongue slips inside her, nose rubbing against her clit. Paige is making a mess of my face, and the sheets but neither of us bother to care at this point. She leans up against her elbows to see my ass in the mirrored closet opposite to her bed, letting out a groan as she sees the reflection of me bent over, eating her, a wet spot visible on my panties.
She leans over and I feel a loud smack on my ass as I continue to make a mess of her with my tongue, alternating between sucking her clit and licking sloppily. “Mmph,” I moan against her, it sending vibrations all over her body. That was enough for me to feel the muscles on her thighs start to tighten.
“Taste so good baby, fuck,” I whimper on her pussy, making Paige let out a guttural groan, her grip in my hair tightening further, guiding my mouth just right.
“Such a fucking good girl,” she hisses, watching me in the mirror, her eyes heavy as she found herself getting closer just from the way my tongue is lapping her up. “So fucking- ahh shit, sexy,”
“Yeah you think I’m sexy?” I whimper against her dripping cunt, shaking my head with my tongue buried in her folds. Paige’s eyes flutter shut and she nods, jaw going slack.
“Perfect, so good for me,” she mumbles, barely able to hold herself together. “Gonna make me– shit, gonna make me cum.”
I keep lapping her, listening for her reactions and holding her still as her body started to squirm underneath me, building to her orgasm. “Baby I need you to cum,” I murmur, my jaw hurting but the sounds coming out of Paige’s mouth making it all worth it.
“Please, Paige,” I whine and that does it. I feel her gasp, her hand gripping my hair and burying my face into her. I could barely breathe but I don’t mind as my mouth works tirelessly to get her over the edge.
“Valerie, oh fuck,” she groans, her head tilting back and back arching as she reaches her orgasm, grinding herself against my face. It’s so hot I nearly come too. I guide her through it, licking her until her moans turn high pitched and her hands in my hair ease up.
Panting, she brushes her hair off her face as I wipe my face onto her thigh, watching her from between her legs.
“Goddamn baby,” she says hoarsely, trying to catch her breath. Giggling, I climb back up on top of her, Paige’s hand slapping my ass hard enough to make me let out a squeal.
“Stop, you’ll leave a bruise,” I complain, but Paige grins arrogantly, pulling me into a sloppy kiss. I moan hard, feeling the dampness in my panties growing unbearable.
“That’s the point ma,” she chuckles against my lips, suddenly flipping me over and spreading my legs wide as she sits between them, biting her lips and gazing down at me. “Fuck,” she groans looking from my damp panties to my dark eyes. For a moment she looks almost a little flustered, trying to find the words.
“I uh, I got something new,” she says, her cheeks turning even redder. Curious, I lean up against the pillows behind me. “For us, I mean.”
Wait, she knew I was seeing someone, and she was seeing someone too, but she got something just for us two? What game was she trying to play? It felt impossible to figure her out.
Before my mind begins to race further, Paige has dug out a blue vibrator wand and is kissing me more tenderly than before. She pulls away a little, clearly hesitating for a moment.
“I don’t want you using the same toy on me and your other bitches,” I tell her a little offended but Paige quickly shakes her head.
“No no no, Valerie ‘s not like that,” she urgently stops me, kissing me softly. “It’s just for us, for you. No one else.”
Her words sound soft, almost tender against my lips which only makes me grow wetter between my legs. I didn’t know what parts were an act and what were genuine. All I knew is I needed her badly.
The moment I nod, Paige’s hands slide underneath the band of my panties, sliding them down to my ankles tenderly, her kisses soft and sloppy against my lips, moving to my neck. The breathy whimper I let out makes Paige let out a heavy breath as her hands spread my legs wide apart, wetness dripping out of me already.
“So pretty,” she murmurs hoarsely, licking her lips as she grabs the vibrator, the quiet, steady buzzing signalling it was turned on. I watch her wide eyes as she brings it to my thighs.
“Paige please,” I whine out squirming as she kneels between my legs and places her knees on my thighs to hold them wide open and steady. She watches me writhe underneath her, nearly gasping for air from how bad she loves seeing me like this.
“Nuh-uh,” she shakes her head, the vibrator ghosting my cunt to find my opposite thigh, vibrating against it. “You know what to call me.”
Fuck. She had gotten like this once before, made me call her something that drove both her and me wild. She knew I would remember what it was.
“Fuck. Daddy, please,”
With that Paige presses the toy against my swollen, sensitive clit, immediately forcing wetness to drip out of me as I gasp and grab onto the sheets around us. She gasps with me, like she’s feeling it too as my legs immediately start to shake, wanting to close around the toy, but Paige’s legs are pinning me down. It was way too much, overstimulating in every sense.
“Too much P,” I cry out but Paige shakes her head, shushing me as she towers over me.
“Just a lil more ma, you can take it,” she coos, leaning down to press kisses on my open mouth, turning the vibrator on a higher setting. “‘S gonna feel so good I promise.”
I feel my eyes grow teary as the toy vibrates against my soaking cunt ruthlessly, when suddenly all of the overstimulation turns into nothing but pleasure. My eyes roll back and I let out a loud moan.
“Daddy, shit,” I whine, my back arching and my nails digging into Paige’s back as she holds the toy steady on me, slowly starting to circle my clit with it making a quick mess of me.
“You’re so wet baby,” Paige gasps shocked as she glances down at the way her hand and the sheets were glistening. But I barely notice, already feeling that coil in my abdomen start to tighten. I’m gasping desperately now, hands grabbing anything they could, moaning loudly as Paige kissed my jaw and neck groaning against my skin.
“Daddy I’m gonna come-” I cry out, tears spilling from my eyes, Paige moving the vibrator against me sloppily, driving me to the edge.
“Fuck, already?” Paige asks, surprised but impressed, her nose pressing against mine. My legs tremble desperately as her free hand slides up to hold my jaw.
I nod, my eyes squeezing shut as I’m just about to roll over the edge. Suddenly Paige pulls the toy away from me, making my eyes snap open and leaving my core throbbing, no, aching for relief.
“What the fuck?” I ask but Paige just grins down at me.
“You didn’t say please,” she smirks, making me roll my eyes.
“I don’t have to say please,”
“Yes the fuck you do.”
“No I don’t,”
“Fine if you don’t wanna come ma.”
Frustrated, I groan. I simultaneously hated and loved when Paige made me beg for it. I hated giving her the satisfaction. But lying underneath her with my cunt throbbing and tears rolling down my cheeks I would’ve done anything to come for her.
“Please,” I say, my cheeks blushing as I look up into her blue eyes. She was enjoying this a little too much.
“Please what?” Paige teases, pushing the vibrator against my inner thigh again. It makes me moan softly, wanting to buck my hips closer, but it was useless.
“Please daddy,” I finally whine, earning a smile from Paige.
“Good girl.”
The vibrator is pushed against my clit again, now turned up all the way, forcing a moan to spill from my lips as I feel my orgasm quickly start to build once more.
“Open your mouth,” Paige commands and I don’t even think about it when I push my tongue out and feel her spit into my mouth before kissing my lips fiercely, moving the toy in a circular motion against my swollen clit.
“Daddy, fuck, please, please, please,” I plead, not even completely sure what for as my mind turns hazy and my body trembles uncontrollably.
“Such a good girl for daddy,” she praises with a hoarse voice, nose pressed tight against mine as she kisses my open mouth, bringing me to the edge.
“C’mon pretty girl come for me.”
I feel my body ride over the edge, all the muscles in my body tightening, back arching and a high pitched moan leaving my lips as the pleasure finally releases, waves of ecstasy rushing over me.
“Aww shit, look at that ma,” Paige mumbles, looking between our bodies watching the way my cunt was squirting all over her arm, legs and bed. My mind turns completely blank, eyes shut tight as my nails nearly draw blood from her back, the pleasure overwhelming me.
I swear I black out for a moment, only returning to consciousness from how suddenly overstimulating and almost painful the toy felt against my clit.
“Stopp, stop stop stop,” I whine pushing Paige’s hand away as she chuckles but obliges. The quiet buzzing of the toy ends as it’s thrown onto the mattress and the blonde crashes on top of me, nuzzling her nose into my neck.
I take a moment to try and catch my breath before I realise what just happened, and what a mess I had made. Looking down at us and the wet spot we were lying in I sigh, feeling a little embarrassed.
“Fuck I’m sorry P,” I murmur but she pulls away, looking at me shocked.
“For?”
“For, well…” I mumble and point to the mess but she only smugly smiles and shakes her head.
“You’re kidding, ma that’s so sexy,” she arrogantly says.
My eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”
Paige licks her lips and nods. “Ye, really. Never made you squirt before.”
I blush a little as Paige presses a soft, tender kiss on my lips - almost loving.
“C’mon let’s go shower,” she murmurs.
I giggle a little, shaking my head. “I cannot stand yet.”
“Oh,” Paige laughs and looks down at my legs that are visibly still trembling.
“I’ll carry you then,” she says and easily scoops me up, walking us both towards the shower.
I rest my head on her shoulder, watching the way her nose turns up at the end, the way her lower lip pouts and how her jawline sharpens as she tilts her head. Something about her had changed. Lately she had been more caring, kind, tender. I didn’t understand it. All I knew is the way my heart fluttered and my mind eased up around her, I was in big trouble with Paige Bueckers.
-
taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @wbbismypassion69 @bueckersfive @onlyhereforpazzi @lovegalor333 @frankoceanlvr303039 @angryflowerwitch @mamixdanni @rosemariiaa @d3arapril @vbueckers @sageworld @makethemhoesmad @sierrale8ne @justliketoreadsowhat @oreo2sblog @sftlyortega @slvt4her @julieloveswbb @vsz333 @faeries-posts @vamptizm @ellapurnellmybeloved @ivorygoal @onlyhereforpazzi @thelightknight21 @paigeluvvr @absolutelydreadful @imamartini @lupinqs @authentic-girl03 @isurpussygreen @xxloveralways14 (SORRY IF I FORGOT TO TAG)
#too lost in you#lilas writing#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers fanfiction#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers smut#wnba x oc#paige bueckers x female oc
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Kagehina/Shobio headcanons!
Hinata has very pronounced canine teeth.
Both are a little possessive, but Hinata is worse off when it comes to it (he's more confrontational).
Kageyama has a thing for how Hinata smells and also how their bodies fit together (deep pressure has a big appeal to him (yes, he's autistic why do you ask /rhet)).
They both like getting their hair played with.
The most 'couply' petname they use is babe/baby (usually former gets used by Kageyama and latter gets used by Hinata), otherwise its playful insults or each other's first names.
Hinata likes spicy food, and Kageyama hates it (if it's past a certain spice level, he gets overwhelmed).
Hinata smells like coconut and citrus, and Kageyama smells like mint/flowery scents. Though subtle ones, he doesn't like heavily perfumed stuff.
Hinata tans and Kageyama sunburns.
Hinata has a shit ton of freckles, and Kageyama has a very small amount of moles that are very prominent. They are both kissed equally as much by the other partner.
(This one's a possible art idea of mine) In third year, Hinata steals some of Natsu's quite flashy/girly hairclips because Kageyama got irritated as he couldn't see Hinata's eyes (he had to surpress the urge to push Hinata's bangs back for him but don't worry he wasn't pining or anything nooo /s). Kageyama proceeded to have a gay crisis (Also, He/They Hinata is real to me idc idc idc /hj).
Kageyama isn't super great at eye contact except when it comes to Hinata. With him, he usually looks him in the eyes when speaking.
Hinata visited Kazuyo's grave to ask for his blessings before he confessed to Kageyama. Like he got flowers to put by the grave and even dressed up nicely for it. Kageyama was never told this, but he did notice the new addition of flowers when he visited Kazuyo's grave a few days later.
They like holding hands a LOT. It's one of their favourite pda's.
Big spoon? Little spoon? Nah, literally think of the most uncomfortable-looking position to entangle yourself in, and thats EXACTLY how they sleep.
Their closets aren't separated, which means they often just wear each other's clothes.
Kageyama gets cuteness irritation, he frowns a lot and knits his eyebrows together when Hinata is being adorable (Hinata doesn't pick up on that fact for a while and often criticises Kageyama for glaring at him even though he didn't do anything wrong).
Hinata likes marking Kageyama, sorry- Also, they get very demanding when needy,,
They have a nightlight by their bed and lamps scattered all over their living space. They practically never turn the big lights on.
Hinata starts carrying Kageyama's fidget toys with him, not only because he himself finds them fun to play with but also in the case of Kageyama getting overstimulated in a social setting.
The first time Kageyama was overwhelmed and rushed out of a scene, he had Hinata following him. Kageyama, at that point nonverbal, ended up explaining in writing what was going on with him on a tiny notebook he kept in his pocket. They wrote back and forth on it even and somewhere in Kageyama's old stash of things, he still keeps that notebook with the written pages still attached.
They both have sound-making stims that they do back and forth sometimes (Hinata pops his lips/makes a 'brr'/'mrp' sound and Kageyama clicks his tongue/snaps his fingers or cracks his knuckles). In some instances, they end up mirroring each other (with Kageyama doing an endearingly shabby job at rollings his 'r's).
They like making fun of romance movies when watching them, especially if the plot points are irritating or the characters are stupid (as if those two weren't pining for each other for literal YEARS before getting together.
They're both terrible at holding their alcohol. Both of them are lightweights for SURE.
If they got married: Hinata figured out when Kageyama would propose because he started fidgetting with the box in his jacket pocket and Hinata kept hearing something snap shut and open over and over.
I'd like to think that once they retire from the professional volleyball careers, they'd get a cat.
I also think they'd help out at volleyball workshops for younger teens when they're older (they like teaching the kids about their passion).
EDIT: Kageyama is a very stiff dancer while Hinata is veryyy smooth with hips (It flusters the hell out of Kageyama I just know it).
Let me know your thoughts if you have any!! :D
#half of these are about Kageyama being possibly very autistic but shhhhh#also holy SHIT my last big hc post got so many notes??? thank you :#i feel very accomplished#kagehina#shobio#kageyama tobio#hinata shoyo#haikyuu#haikyuu headcanons#arts hcs
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How Jinx Would Act if Their Partner Got Hurt
1. Initial Shock, Then Panic
When you get hurt, Jinx’s first reaction is pure shock. She freezes up for a second, her eyes wide as she takes in the sight of you in pain. If it’s something serious, her breath hitches, and she might even stagger back, her hands trembling as if unsure what to do. The chaotic energy that usually surrounds her is completely gone in those first few seconds, replaced with an intense panic. “No, no, no, this can’t be happening!” she’ll shout, her voice high with worry.
2. Immediate, Protective Instincts Kick In
After the initial shock, her protective instincts take over. Without thinking, she’s rushing to your side, hovering over you like a shield. She’ll try to stop any bleeding, grab whatever supplies are around, and do everything in her power to help you. “Just hold on! I’ve got you!” she’ll say, voice trembling but determined. She might not always know the best way to handle the injury, but she’s resourceful and won’t let you suffer alone.
3. Overwhelming Guilt
Once the initial panic dies down, Jinx will likely blame herself. If she wasn’t around to prevent your injury or if she feels responsible in any way, she’ll spiral. “I should’ve been more careful! This is my fault!” She’ll mutter to herself as she tries to help you, the guilt eating at her, even if it wasn’t her fault. She’ll be apologizing profusely, not knowing how to make it right. “I didn’t mean for this to happen! Please don’t leave me…” Her words will be a mixture of anxiety, desperation, and self-blame.
4. Constant Reassurance
Throughout the whole ordeal, Jinx will be desperately trying to reassure you, even if her actions are a little frantic. She’ll check on you over and over, making sure you’re not slipping in and out of consciousness or feeling worse. “Hey, hey! Stay with me, okay? You’re gonna be fine. Don’t leave me.” Her tone will waver, alternating between tough and vulnerable, depending on how scared she’s feeling. She might even try to distract you with jokes or random ramblings just to keep you awake, “So, uh, if we ever get out of here, I think we should start a rock band, you know? Just to make things more interesting, right?”
5. Frantic Attempts to Fix It
Jinx will want to do everything she can to help you heal, even if she doesn’t have the knowledge or skills to do it perfectly. She’ll go into overdrive, grabbing whatever she can find to patch you up. Whether it’s bandages, alcohol, or anything she can improvise, she’ll try to make sure you’re taken care of. “Okay, don’t freak out, I’ve got this… kind of,” she’ll mutter, clearly not knowing what she’s doing but too determined to let that stop her.
6. Unable to Stay Calm
Jinx is rarely calm, but when you’re hurt, she’s even less so. Her nerves are frayed, and she can’t stop moving, her body twitching with energy that she can’t quite direct. She might be pacing back and forth, muttering to herself, and checking your injury over and over. “Why does this always happen to the people I care about?” she’ll say, almost pleading with the universe. Her chaos becomes less playful and more desperate when it comes to your well-being.
7. Won’t Leave Your Side
Once she realizes you’re hurt, Jinx is glued to you. She won’t leave your side, even if you insist that she go do something else. “No way, I’m not leaving you alone like this. You think I’m gonna let you suffer by yourself? Not happening.” Whether you’re at home or in the middle of some chaotic situation, she’ll refuse to go anywhere without you. She might even get a little clingy, not wanting to risk anything else happening to you.
8. Subtle Display of Vulnerability
Despite her tough exterior, Jinx is deeply vulnerable when it comes to those she loves. After you get hurt, she may hide it behind humor or chaotic behavior, but she’s deeply shaken. Her usual confidence falters, and she’ll show a rare side of herself that she tries to keep hidden. “You… you can’t be hurt, okay? I won’t let that happen. I’ll fix this, I promise,” she might say, her voice low and unsteady as she holds you close.
9. Overcompensating with Affection
When she sees you starting to recover, or even if you just need a little comfort, Jinx will shower you with affection. She’ll hug you tightly, kiss your forehead, and refuse to let you go for a while. “You’re gonna be fine, I swear! I’m not letting anyone hurt you, not while I’m around!” She’ll be unusually affectionate, and might even pull you into her lap or cuddle you to make sure you feel safe. Her way of showing that she cares will be to dote on you, even if she’s still a little shaken from what happened.
10. Teasing, But with a Touch of Care
Once she feels like things are back under control and you’re safe, Jinx will return to her usual playful self—but it’ll be softer, gentler than normal. She’ll tease you, trying to lighten the mood, but you’ll notice that her jokes are just a little more caring than usual. “You know, for someone so tough, you sure make a big deal out of a little scrape. You’re lucky I’m here to take care of you!” She’ll still joke, but she’s showing that she’s relieved you’re okay and doesn’t want to let her guard down again.
11. Planning to Make Sure It Doesn’t Happen Again
Once the panic dies down and you’re healing, Jinx will immediately start plotting to ensure nothing like that happens again. “Next time, we get way more prepared. Like, armor prepared, or something.” Her protective instincts kick into overdrive, and she’ll try to figure out every possible scenario to keep you safe in the future. She might even come up with elaborate plans to protect you from harm, even if it’s over-the-top and unnecessary. It’s her way of showing that she’ll do anything to prevent you from being hurt again.
12. Reluctantly Letting You Rest
While Jinx wants to keep you close, she’s also going to keep a watchful eye on you. She might insist that you rest or take it easy, making sure you don’t push yourself too hard. If you’re feeling tired, she’ll stay beside you, making sure you’re comfortable. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? You just take it easy, and I’ll be right here with you. I’m not leaving.” Her concern will be tangible, and she’ll do everything in her power to make sure you’re okay.
In conclusion, when you get hurt, Jinx will go into full-on protective mode. She’ll be chaotic, frantic, and full of love and worry, showing how deeply she cares in her own wild, unpredictable way. Whether it’s making sure you’re patched up or keeping you close, she won’t rest until she knows you’re safe and well.
#jinx posting#jinx arcane#jinx x reader#jinx league of legends#jinx imagine#jinx lol#jinx#arcane imagine#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#leauge of legends#lgbtq#x reader#character x reader
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Can you do skz as husbands next ??
Skz as Husbands series : Chan
Ohhhh boy...ya'll are not going to like this. Idk if i myself am shocked or not surprised...but literary ALL of the cards are BAD, and i kept on drawing and drawing more hoping at least one good will come out but...🥲 sadly all of them are pretty weird.
That being said i am reading current energy not current energy, and im not getting AT ALL vibes from chan for wanting to get settled down anytime soon. All of his focus is on his career and goals and ambitions etc and theres just no place left for a family.
So i guess it makes sense that all of the cards are really negative as it's just not his time now. I do feel potential in him tho (after some therapy and probably retirement).
Im just gonna go ahead and start with the 9oS which tells me that being a husband and the head of the family will put IMMENSE pressure on him with which he cannot deal with. I think he makes it much bigger in his mind and lets doubts, paranoia, stress etc get the best of him and im seeing him actually having pretty hesitant thoughts on marriage for that time being just for that same reason. I think he's a guy that sees this as a very serious job (can imagine him picking that up from his dad) and its nothing to be taken lightly and as i said it gets very twisted and exaggerated in his head and takes the best of him. If he were to get married right now, he would change very quickly from what his s/o has seen from him and take a huge turn for the worse and put forward his shadow side. Im seeing lots of toxic coping mechanisms too which very conveniently leads me to the next card.
The 3oC usually a nice card but not in this case, especially because of the heavy display of alcohol - im seeing him wanting to escape the crushing weight of his responsibilities and looking for that escape in the face of alcohol & shady friends that may be just too immature and bachelory-mindseted and have a bad influence on him. I can see him missing for nights on end, which also relates to the 5oP as well and him giving...no having to be forced to give the bare minimum, and him even struggling to do that, and twisting it all to look like the victim. But more on that card at the end. So as i was saying im seeing him being very absent a lot of the time, not only because of work but because he's out and about with his friends. Im not really getting cheating from the cards - but im getting heavy vibes of a similar setting where temptation is just around the corner and him just living as if he had no family back at home waiting for him. This - once again very conveniently ties to the next card😂
Which is the 5oW. Im seeing lots of fight, probably initially starting because of his prolonged missing and eventually moving on to different things. Im seeing fights escalating very quickly, starting very quickly, being very exhausting and very damaging. To the relationship, to both their mental health and to some random objects nearby👀
With The Fool im seeing him being way too immature for something like this at this current point and it shows pretty well on the card - he's just not in the right state of mind for this chapter of his life and if it were to happen it will bring out his unreadiness and immaturity forth even more - to show where he has to work on to be ready for that next stage.
And back to the 5oP again, aside from him having to be forced to give the bare minimum and him even failing at that - he very skillfuly turns it out to look as if he's the attacked one, as if he's the bullied one, as if his wife's the one who's starving him and making him out to be the bad guy and he just feels really bullied by the whole situation and behaves that way and expresses himself that way so i would say - a huge victim complex.
Overall i would say this reading was more of a "chans toxic defence and cooing mechanisms if he were put into the corner" reading, which is kinda sad cuz that doesn't really give much insight as to what he would be like as a husband cuz what we just saw wasn't really chan but his "alter ego" that protects him in a way. Yk we all have that one side of us that takes over as if on autopilot when we feel threatened in any way. I think that would be the same for chan, and if he were to feel comfortable with the idea of marriage and feel ready for that, the reading would be way way different. But i find future readings to not be much of my thing cuz thats way to unreliable cuz energy can change in so many ways, theres so many different outcomes... but we'll see how the other readings turn out and if all the guys have weird current energies that don't really answer what they'll be like as proper husband i may try a future reading.
#skz#stray kids#tarot reading#kpop#bang chan#skz tarot#kpop tarot#stray kids tarot#bang chan tarot#headcanons#reaction#future spouse
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Have another bucktommy fix it fic. Because lord knows we’re all still happily in denial about the break up.
Read on Ao3 or below the cut
**********
Word count: 3,474
Rating: General
Summary:
Eddies had enough of both of them in his ear about the other and decides to force them to talk. For their sake and his waistline.
**********
“Thanks for this, man.”
“I’m not doing this for you—I’m doing it for my waistline. If I have to eat one more lemon loaf of chocolate cake I’m gonna smack you with it.” Eddie told him.
Buck gave a light laugh. “Yeah I’ve been baking a lot, I know.”
“A lot? There’s going to be a flour shortage soon if you don’t stop.”
Buck sat back into Eddie’s sofa and sipped his beer and sighed. “I just.. I keep going back and forth in my mind about reaching out to him. Baking..”
“Helps distract you, I know.” Eddie said.
“It happened so quick that I-I haven’t been able to reconcile in my head. I didn’t get the chance to say anything. He just.. left.”
“I know, bud.” He patted Buck on the shoulder. “That’s why I thought a game night might be good for you. Get out some of that emotion by trying to beat me.”
“Trying?”
“Hey, just because you’re heartbroken doesn’t mean I’m gonna go easy on you.” Eddie said.
A knock on the door echoed down the hall.
“That’ll be the pizza.” Eddie stood up and left the room and opened the front door.
“Glad you could make it.”
“I brought beers.” Tommy said holding up a 6 pack.
“Good man. Put them in the living room.” Tommy walked ahead as Eddie closed the door. “Please dear God let this work.” He whispered to himself and signed the Cross against his chest.
“Did you say you were ordering pi-“ Tommy words died on his tongue when he walked into the room to see Buck on the sofa. His heart thrummed in his chest. He knew he’d eventually have to see Buck but didn’t figure it would be this soon. It had only been a month. He thought he’d have more time to prepare for it.
He was just as beautiful as when he’d last seen him; when he’d walked out of his apartment leaving him heartbroken. The cracks in his heart forged by his own cowardice widened as he looked at his ex boyfriend.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here. I’ll go.” He turned to leave but Eddie stood firmly in the doorway.
“No, you won’t.”
“Eddie.” Tommy protested.
“No.” He crossed his arms. “I care about you both, but damn it if I have to take one more minute of either one of you talking about the other I’m going to kill you both. So, here’s what’s going to happen: I am going for dinner with Tia Pepa and you two are going to stay here and talk.”
Buck stood to protest but Eddie raised his hand to stop him.
“Stop. Get back together, or stay broken up—at this point I don’t care. But you’re going to, at the very least, talk shit out enough that you stop making it awkward for everybody else. You’re both important to all of us but we can’t deal with the awkwardness anymore. Or the baking.” He said pointedly to Buck. So please, for everyone’s sake, talk.”
He picked up his phone and keys. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Don’t break anything.”
And with that Buck and Tommy were alone again for the first time in a month.
*
“Leave if you want. You’re good at that.” Buck said after a few minutes. It was a childish jab, he knew, but Tommy deserved it. And worse.
Tommy sighed. “Buck.”
Buck.
That was the cruelest part of what Tommy did. His way of punctuating the break up. The cherry on the top of the world’s shittiest cake. Buck clenched his jaw to try to keep down his anger.
“Just go.” He said, not looking at Tommy.
Tommy stood in the doorway, conflicted. Part of him did want to leave. Simply seeing Evan was breaking his heart, but hearing his derision—no matter how deserved it may be—was breaking it even more. But Eddie had a point. Tommy had forged a relationship again with Hen and Chimney and had started a new one with Eddie—he didn’t want them to be sat stuck in this awkward position between the two of them.
He’d tried to distance himself from them when he’d first broken up with Evan—it was better for Evan to not have to worry about potentially running into him at events. But they’d all convinced him to stick around; that they’d like having him around again.
He took a few steps into the room. “Eddie is right. It’s not fair on everyone else.”
“Yeah well whose fault is that?” Buck said back, still not looking at him.
Tommy sighed as he sat down on the chair next to the sofa—the furthest away from Buck. “It’s mine, I know.” He said quietly. “I didn’t.. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have to know that.”
Buck finally looked at him. Anger in his eyes. “The only thing i know is that you threw away something good, great even, because you’re a coward.”
“I know.” Tommy said meekly.
“You know the thing I don’t get? Why spent six months dating me if you knew all along that we wouldn’t have a future? I mean did you just get a kick out of stringing me along? Making me think that we had something special?” Bucks voice was terse and louder towards the end. He was trying really hard to keep himself calm but fuck it was hard to do when Tommy had the audacity to be in front of him acting like he was the one hurting.
“No, Ev- Bu-. I wasn’t stringing you along. Not at all!”
“But you knew it wouldn’t last, right? That’s what you said—you knew I would break your heart. So why even bother?”
Tommy rubbed his face with his hands. His pulse was rising with frustration, which he knew wasn’t really fair but Buck wasn’t understanding.
“I thought.. I thought at first it was just going to be a bit of fun with this adorable, gorgeous guy. We’d have our fun and it would eventually fizzle out. The longer we dated, the more- I kept telling myself that something was going to inevitably happen. But then you’re telling me that I transformed your life and then asking me to move in and it was too much.”
“So you just bailed? That was your solution?”
“You don’t know me, Evan. Not really. You just know the idealised version of me you have in your head.”
Buck couldn’t deny he felt a twinge in his heart at hearing Tommy call him ‘Evan’. But it wasn’t enough to douse the righteous anger he was feeling.
“Could you be anymore patronising?!”
“I’m not patronising you.” Tommy argued back.
“Yes, actually are. Telling me what I see or feel about you. Like I’m not a grown ass man who understands his own feelings.”
“But it’s true—you do have this version of me in your head that you’ve shoved onto a pedestal. I see it in how you look at me; like I’m this perfect human. Some bastion of queer identity. You said it yourself—you’re comfortable in yourself because I am. Except I’m not. I’m not comfortable with myself. Do you even know how many shitty things I’ve done in my life that I hate myself for?!”
“No, Tommy I don’t. Because you haven’t told me. I’m not as naive as you like to think I am and I’m actually pretty perceptive—I know that you’d been through some shit that you’re not comfortable talking about. And I never asked because I respected you enough to wait until you felt comfortable telling me.” Buck slammed his empty beer bottle onto the coffee table. “You don’t get to be pissed at me for not understanding shit about you that you didn’t tell me about.”
Tommy knew he had a point. He hadn’t been open with Buck as maybe he should have; only showing him the good parts of himself. He couldn’t blame Buck for forming an opinion on him based on what little he’d chosen to share.
He pulled out a beer from his six-pack and took a few gulps.
“You’re right. There’s a lot of things about me that I haven’t told you about. And that’s on me. All you need to know is I’m not a good person. I’m not the person you want to spend your life with.”
“See there you go again—telling me what I want.”
“Thats not.. I’m not trying to..”
“The worst part about this is you think you’re being fair. You’ve decided that breaking up is the right thing to do. You’ve not once stopped to ask what I want or I feel. No, you’ve already decided because it makes it easier for you.”
That got Tommy’s blood up. The words came cascading out of him before he had the chance to stop them. “You think any of this has been easy for me?!” His voice was loud and echoed in the room.
“I didn’t say it was easy I said it was easier Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me breaking up with me was harder than staying.“
“I can’t.” He said quietly.
“I just can’t understand how in the entire time that we were together that you couldn’t trust me.” Buck said.
It was one of the things that had hurt Buck the most. He’d trusted Tommy with everything; told him about embarrassing moments, painful parts of his life and Tommy hadn’t returned the favour. Hadn’t trusted him as much as he trusted Tommy.
“I did trust you.” He said looking at him.
“Not enough.” Buck sighed. “I know that I’m an open book, more than most people. Trust me I’ve been called an over-sharer more than once. I don’t expect you to be as open as me, but I at least thought after 6 months you’d feel like you could talk to me about some stuff.”
“Me not talking about my shit isn’t a reflection on you, or our relationship—it’s a reflection of my whole life before we met. I’ve spent most of my life having to hide who I am. First from my dad who couldn’t stand to have a fairy for a son, then the army who would have kicked me out with a dishonourable if they have found out and you’ve had first hand experience of Gerrard.. I spent a lifetime in environments that didn’t exactly foster openness.”
Buck felt a like a cinder block had been dropped in his stomach hearing Tommy speak about his life. He wanted to hug him. But he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He felt sadness for Tommy, but it wasn’t enough to take away the hurt he’d caused.
The thing is, Buck knew that he was in part responsible for what had happened between them. Not the actual break up or his chest being ripped open and his heart forcibly removed. But he was beginning to realise that he could have done more. He could have asked Tommy about his past, or maybe took time to reassure him that he could talk to Buck about it.
“You’re.. your dad called you that?” He asked softly.
“He called me a lot of things, but that was his favourite.” Tommy swigged his beer and kept his eyes on his hands. “He preferred his fists though.”
“I’m sorry, Tommy.”
“Why? It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but you didn’t deserve to be treated that way. No kid does.” Buck told him.
Tommy knew that these days, but he didn’t for a long time. He spent years telling himself if he’d have just been a better son—a straighter son—then his dad would have loved him.
“Everything that I went through.. I turned into a person that I look back on and despise. You would despise him too if you knew him; knew what he did.”
Buck was close to smacking him across the head for once again telling him how he would react instead of trusting him to react the right way. But he held it inside.
“As much as you’ve convinced yourself otherwise, I know you’re not perfect. And I haven’t put you on a pedestal. Do I admire you? Yeah. I mean for god sake we met because you flew us into a damn hurricane—that’s pretty damn admirable. I admire the fact that you’re not afraid to be yourself. And yes, I know that you weren’t always like that, but you are like that now.”
“I am comfortable with who I am now, but not who I used to be.”
“But that’s the point, isn’t it? It’s who you used to be. There has to come a point Tommy where you stop chastising yourself.”
“You say that like it’s easy.”
“No, I know that it isn’t.” Buck argued. “I just.. I guess what hurts the most is that you don’t believe that I see good in you.”
Tommy looked across at Buck who was looking down at his beer bottle; a sad look on his face.
“You’re so convinced that I would hate you for who you were, or that I would leave you for someone better, without even giving me a chance to prove to you that I wouldn’t do that.”
“I..” Tommy knew Buck was right—he hadn’t given him the chance. But what cost would that chance come with?
Buck slid across the sofa closer to Tommy.
“I understand a bit more now about why what I said that night freaked you out. You’re not used to people giving a shit. But I also owe you an apology. I-“
“No, you-“ Tommy tried interrupting but Buck raised his hand to stop him.
“Please, Tommy. Let me say this.” Tommy nodded.
“These last 6 months was happiest I’ve been in a long time. And-and I guess I got so caught up it that, in you, that I didn’t think to stop and check in with you. And I should have. I should have asked if you were okay at the pace we were going at. I should asked if you were comfortable and took the time to reassure you that you could trust me with all of you. But I didn’t. And for that I’m sorry. The truth is you never made me feel like I’m too much, or too needy or annoying. You listened intently when I was yapping about a subject you didn’t care about. When I was freaking out about Billy Boils curse, that i know you don’t believe in, you never once made me feel stupid about it.
For the first time in my life I felt like being me was enough. That’s what I meant when I said being with you was transformative. Not that you were some kind of gay guru.”
He tentatively reached out to take Tommys hand and he let him.
Tommy was having a really hard time hearing Buck’s words. He had been right—nobody had ever really given a shit about him. At least not the extent Buck did. He’d never had someone be so earnest with him before and he was having trouble keeping his emotions at bay. A part of him was desperate to do what he’d always done and to run away as fast and as far as he could.
But he could lie to himself—Bucks.. Evan’s hand in his brought a comfort to him that he hadn’t realised he’d relied upon when they were together.
“Asking you to move in was stupid. I think I just got so excited at the thought of a future with you I got ahead of myself and did things in the wrong order.” He took a deep breath and continued. “What I should have said first.. was that I’m in love with you.”
Tommy’s whole body tensed up and his heart slammed against his chest with reckless abandon.
“Before you even think about telling me I’m wrong, I’m not. I might have been new to being in a relationship with a guy, I’m not new to relationships. I’ve been in love before, I know what it feels like. I love you, Tommy. And I know that’s scary for you to hear and I don’t ever want to be the person who scares you but it’s the truth.”
Buck was terrified. He’d never poured his heart out to anybody to this degree. But if he wanted Tommy to be more open with him, he’d have to be more open with Tommy.
“You-you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted to be honest with you about how I feel. Because it is how I feel and-“
“I love you, too.”
Buck had wanted to hear that from him for months and thought he knew how’d he’d feel when Tommy said those words. But he wasn’t even close. Without warning, or permission, he immediately burst into tears. Everything he felt before the breakup, everything he felt after.. it all just poured out of him.
“Really?” He asked; voice shaky and barely there.
“Yes.” Tommy assured Buck, his own tears now falling. It seemed that opening up just a little to him was enough for the floodgates to come crashing down no matter how hard he’d been trying to keep his emotions at bay. “It’s why I’m so fucking terrified. Evan, you are the single, most beautiful thing I have ever had in my life and the thought of losing you scared the shit out of me so much that I felt like running was the only thing I could do to keep my heart safe in case it went wrong.”
“But I’m scared, too, Tommy. I’ve had my heart broken before, just like you. But you’re worth the risk.” Buck sniffed and wiped his eyes. “All I want is for you to think I’m worth the risk, too.”
“You are worth the risk.” He said. He moved forward and dropped to his knees in front of Buck, reaching up and taking his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” More tears fell and Buck put his hands on Tommys forearms, holding them tightly in place, scared that Tommy would let go.
“Can you ever forgive me?”
Buck looked at him for a few moments. He knew what he was going to say but hey, he could make Tommy sweat for a minute.
“On two conditions.” He finally said.
“Name them.”
“We talk. And I mean properly talk. I don’t expect you to tell me everything straight away—I don’t want you to feel pressure to do that. But I’m going to need you to tell me if things get too much for you or too fast. And i promise that I will do the same and check in with you more.”
“I can’t lie and say that it’ll be easy for me, but I promise I will try. I been thinking recently actually that I might go back to therapy.”
“Yeah?”
“All of this has made me realise that I haven’t dealt with my shit as much as I thought I had.” Tommy admitted. “Maybe.. maybe you could come with me sometimes?”
Tommy sounded so unsure and nervous. Buck had never seen him like that before and it made him realise that Tommy was maybe right about him putting him on a pedestal. He’d assumed that this cool, confident man never wavered.
“Of course I would. I’ll do whatever you need me to do to help.”
“Thank you. What was the second condition?”
Buck sighed and a soft, pleading look came across his face. “Kiss me.”
Tommy didn’t waste a single second and leaned forward capturing Evan’s lips. It was solid and firm; Desperate. He’d spent a month thinking he’d never get to taste Evan’s lips ever again.
Buck whined into it and wrapped his arms around Tommys neck holding him in place. He’d thought he’d lost the love of his life forever but by the grace of god he’d got him back. And though he knew things weren’t going to go back to the way they were before, and that they both had a lot of work to do to built their relationship back up—he was not going to let him go.
*
Eddie tentatively unlocked the door and stepped inside hoping that he wasn’t going to walk into a crime scene. There was no yelling, so that was a good sign. But then he realised there was no yelling because there was no sound.
He swore to himself that if they’d both left after he did and not even tied to work things out he might actually kill them both.
He walked into the living room and immediately recoiled at what he saw.
“Oh dear god! On my sofa?! Really?!”
#911 abc#911#911onabc#tommy kinard#bucktommy#911 buck#evan buckley#buck x tommy#evan buck buckely#bucktommyfic#bucktommy fic#tevan#tevan fic#bucktommy fix it fic
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upon finding lana cornered by one of his work colleagues at their last christmas party, a variety of emotions had come over sully and all revolved around how strikingly protective over her he had become. it had taken a lot of back and forth to get her to confess as to what was going on but once the nature of her previous job had been announced, those feelings of needing to defend her only grew more prevalent. it had been a shock to say the least, learning that not only had she slept with a man like that but she'd done so for money, he didn't know if it would be better for worse if for some strange reason she'd done it of her own accord. the details of her previous employment had been kept brief, namely because he didn't know how to address it delicately but also because he doubted his wife would be pleased with the notion of having a former sex worker looking after their kids. by that point, both sully and his kids were far too attached to let anything get in the way of making sure she stuck around, even if that meant keeping secrets and lying to his wife about why he'd made such a big deal about ending the party early that night. learning about her past had naturally brought about questions, for the next week or so he found it nearly impossible to go about his day without picturing her in all kinds of situations, both fetishizing her for that work and worrying about the possible things she had been made to endure as a result. he put himself in a difficult position of both needing to protect her from anything bad happening again and craving things from her that would have to come from her very exploitation. "oh, i think i'll leave it up to your imagination." he chuckled awkwardly and took a glance down to the hand that had settled on his shirt, in part because he felt it was wrong to be discussing his past rowdy behaviour, especially when he had worked so hard to leave it all in the dust and build himself into the man he was. although, he was also curious to what she thought him capable of. he'd engaged in the usual drunken debauchery expected of a man in his twenties, allowed himself to submit to each and every whim that came about no matter the cost, it had been a fun life but ultimately not maintainable. she was clearly very intoxicated, he didn't want to take anything she said or did too seriously or make her feel bad for acting out of sorts. the imagine of a bunch of young guys throwing themselves at lana didn't exactly fill him with joy but when delivered in that low, sultry tone, how could sully do any but do as she wished and pictured him there to save her? his arm tucked tight around her waist as he pulled her out from the dance floor, his hand wandering down the curve of her hips till his fingertips found the hem of her dress and helped pull it down to cover herself up, his days in clubs were far behind him but it was a nice thought nonetheless, one he banished immediately after he let it play out. he offered nothing but a small hum in response and before he could even think to answer her next questions, that nimble hand had made its way down his torso to the waistband of his pants. he didn't dare look down again, instead he kept his eyes on the road and swallowed back the surprised gasp that had threatened to come out. she'd always been a bold, confident girl but never to such an extreme, he chalked it up to the alcohol and god knows what else she might've ingested that night and quickly realised he had to be careful with how he dealt with her suggestive proposal. "you don't need to worry about me." carefully, he reached down and pried her hand away from his crotch, then brought it back over to her lap where he set it down with a gentle pat. "just relax, we'll be home soon." it didn't need to be a big deal. maybe she'd forget about it in the morning and they could both pretend it didn't happen, or perhaps she'd come to him apologising profusely and he would have the chance to comfort her once again. either way, sully knew he had to turn lana down before he was too weak to do so.
there were many factors at play when creating the taboo nature of lana and mr. landry's potential coupling— for one, there was the age difference. she'd thought it rude to ask specifically, but from what context clues she could pick up on, she'd guess he and his wife were around twice her age, but no matter the number, it was clear she and sully were in vastly different places in life with vastly different maturity levels. then, of course, there was the matter of him being her employer, and her landlord, and he was already married on top of that, which all combined gave him a great deal of power over her, and yet she couldn't help but feel like she was the one pulling the strings as she gazed at him from the passenger seat. as if she wasn't already worked up enough, there was just something about a man driving that really got her going, and she found herself becoming transfixed not by his face, or his broad chest just barely concealed by a flimsy t shirt, but by his hairy knuckles gripping the wheel. "i'm glad you came," she purred, lips slowly curling up into a lazy grin. no matter how hard she studied him, lana could never tell how exactly he felt about her. when she'd first taken the job, she figured she'd be dodging his advances left and right to try and form some basis of professionalism, but he'd been nothing but polite and respectful. at times he'd treat her with the detachment common for a boss, though as time went on and she became further integrated into the family, their dynamic shifted, lines blurring as he came to look out for her like one would a daughter. now that the incident at the party occurred— now that he knew what she used to do for a living— lana didn't know how exactly he saw her anymore, if it had planted some seed of sexual curiosity within his mind, or only made him that much more protective of her in a paternal sense. from what she picked up on, her attraction was far from one sided; it was merely a manner of helping him accept that he could act on his desires without jeopardizing his whole life. who knows? maybe she'd stumbled into that interview for a reason. perhaps some benevolent god had dropped her right onto his lap to help reinvigorate his lust for life, and he was just too boneheaded to accept it. "yeah?" her eyes were practically sparkling with intrigue, ink black lashes batting as she reached out to toy with the front of his shirt. "tell me about it..." her imagination was active, but she wanted something more concrete— had he merely engaged in the typical amount of debauchery for a man coming of age, or had he been particularly rowdy before marriage and fatherhood straightened him out? she'd liked to have seen him back then in his glory days, if for nothing else than to know for sure whether a mustache like that came pre or post twins. "i always do." as long as alcohol was involved, lana always had a good time, but going out now was almost bitter sweet when she remembered what she had back at home. "i should take you with me next time! maybe that'll stop random guys from grinding on me every five minutes." it was delivered in jest, though when spoken in her erotically inebriated tone of voice and when coupled with her sultry gaze which had drifted down to eye the crotch of his pajama pants, it may as well have been an invitation into her bed. "when's the last time you and mrs. landry went out, hm? you're always so busy... work, work, work..." the hand on his chest began traveling, working its way down to the waistband of his pants. "you work too hard taking care of everybody, mr. landry... who takes care of you?"
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Bless Puen's giant heart for trying to teach Captain some queer class solidarity, my god
#what a gentle person#who is willing to go the extra mile for literally everyone#he just keeps trying and trying to reach people. until he DOES. he's a winner.#i do... still want to see aob and puen pass captain back and forth like a stress toy#captain and puen's dynamic and like. narrative foiling. has been interesting to me from the start tbh#are you gay? do you have a faen? their motivations for lying and their motivations for wanting to be on the team#such different stakes - puen's entire scholarship vs. captain's vague inherited legacy from his dad#and such different tactics captain is willing to stoop to vs. puen who as he says plays by the rules#fucks keen so he'll stop hazing him but works in earnest for his spot on the team#captain is down to use his body for a spot on the team otoh if you haze him he'll just. do worse. to make it stop. he'll destroy you first#theyre interesting 2 me#playboyy#playboyy spoilers#minorly but still
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going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim
#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his#head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when#hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly#hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju#and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and#especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger.#and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and#he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if#thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die#for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the#viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be#doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky#tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift.#hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect#him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding#and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers.#he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he#still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW#EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM#anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind#herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug#when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their#bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually#toad.txt#i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways#pacific rim#pacific rim spoilers#newton geiszler#hermann gottlieb#newmann
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hair flavored sunk cost fallacy
#misc.txt#I'm getting my hair cut on monday and I just. like. its so long. it's been extremely long for so long#I'm not even sure if I want it I keep going back and forth between wanting to do it and not day after day#so I'm just. going to do it. I don't even know how short I want it yet#I keep telling myself it'll grow back and the longer I let it go the less likely I am to ever ty it shorter#and part of me really genuinely wants to cut it! and then I'm like well what if I hate it and it ends up making me feel like shit.#I also know it's probably weird to be THIS conflicted about something as simple as a haircut#but. consider that I was not allowed to have my hair cut until I was 15 and even then I've only had a couple inches off twice#having it super long feels like. a part of me and I have no idea if making it shorter will make me feel better or much much worse#and then I'll just be stuck with it for however long it takes to get back to how it is now#augj.
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i love when apps suck and are bad
#WHY DID THEY REMOVE LONG PRESS FOR HISTORY ON CHROME. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT. THAT WAS SO USEFUL#ohhhh well u can just go to ur regular history YEAH FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING APP. I ONLY WANT TO SEE HISTORY FOR THIS TAB!!!!!!!!#ALSO THATS LIKE. MORE SHIT THAT U GOTTA GO THROUGH THEN. & SOMETIMES THE PAGES HAVE THE SAME NAMES & THE ONLY REASON I KNOW WHICH ONE IM#LOOKING FOR IS BC IT WAS A PAGE I VISITED PREVIOUSLY ON A SPECIFIC TAB#CAN THEY JUST LIKE. STOP MAKING SHIT WORSE. ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED#also dont tell me to use firefox i would LOVE TO but until they add tab grouping on mobile i am not doing that#otherwise i lose track of EVERYTHING#also need that bottom bar that lets u switch between tabs in a group or i will lose my fucking mind switching back & forth
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I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.
Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.
It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.
When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.
Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.
Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.
I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.
But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.
With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.
If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.
Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.
Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.
Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.
It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.
All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.
There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.
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On me not taking my own advice
#I’m the owner of this problem because of how much it rules my life#*throws up from anxiety*#my comfort person is Mia currently#:(#and another one is just not like idkkkkk. *rips hair out*#me basically looking like those people having a mental break rocking back and forth trying not to go insane#I hate how she does that to me 😭#like listen I break my own heart when I realise the people I admire (obsess over) from afar could never like me but#WHAT ABOUT THE ONES IM NOT LIKING FROM AFAR 😭 and who do know me#omg —#just dig my grave already I can’t do this#😭😭😭#dora daily#I need a pocket sized kaveh for comfort cause these irl people are not doing jack for me ✋😔#in fact they make it worse 😭😭😭#pocket sized kaveh will learn how to accept the world at 5’0” height from now on HAHA
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when i saw 'cabin in the woods in middle of nowhere new hampshire' bad i mean it. i have a 65 year old father from northeastern mass that's the only type of vacation i ever go on (if you're wondering what it's like it's like a modern day yellow wallpaper btw) . i know my cabins in middle of nowhere new hampshire. i've been to multiple with better wifi than i currently have. that says a lot btw.
#one of my fave cabin trips was one where i was on my period and don't do tampons so i couldn't swim and there was absolutely nothing to do#there and the only place phones worked at all was in this one building which was a common area (i don't use technology without a wall#directly behind me. this post brought to you by the children of helicopter parents gang) and closed for most of the day. so all i had to do#was draw. listen to the singular episode of tma i had downloaded in preparation for the trip (yeah that's what era it was)#(it was the bonus episode live show recording bc that's what had just come out). pace back and forth from my room to the empty room across#the hall. eat the bags of cherries and saltwater taffy we'd gotten at the nearest grocery store after we checked in. and peel the possibly#lead paint off the walls (in the room across from mine bc if it were mine i might get in trouble or something idk).#i genuinely blame this trip for making my maladaptive daydreaming 50x worse than it already was. also none of the doors locked. the cabin's#main door wasn't even a door it was just an open doorframe. our cabin wasn't even just us either. or that much of a cabin. it was more of a#long building with a doorway to the outside in the middle w like 10 tiny rooms on either side of it. bc of covid they didn't pack it in lik#they normally would and instead just put me and my dad on the far end of one side and then some other family on the other and thank god the#did bc i would've lost my mind otherwise. the doors that didn't lock included the bathroom. which there were two of in the entire building#btw. my dad slept with his door open the entire time we were there. the windows were just screens with no glass. or curtains.#and my dad spent the entire time having ditched me to go swimming. most of the times i saw him were accompanied by 'are you sure you don't#wear tampons' 'we could go borrow a kayak instead' (my dad has a long history of flipping kayaks) or 'you should totally use the outdoor#shower' (he has an unexplainable obsession with outdoor showers and he really wants me to use them. for some reason). the only times i left#the two rooms i was pacing across were mealtimes where i developed a tea addiction which still plagues me to this day. attending the talks#he'd been given the free vacation in exchange for giving. he didn't just decide to go on vacation (however secluded) in the middle of covid#on his own. yes my attendance at the talks was mandatory no i don't remember what they were about it's been 4 years and i wasn't paying#attention. and the one hike around the lake i got to go on. 0/10 i loved it but wouldn't recommend it to anyone. somehow my dad has had the#audacity to suggest going back up there to the same campsite several times and is surprised that i refuse to ever do that again.#that said there was absolutely a net positive and that's that i think i owe things falling apart between me and my groomer to that trip#bc it was the longest period of time i had spent not talking to them since meeting them and i was for the most part not thinking of them an#was focusing in where our interests differed. and genuinely i think it was a turning point for talking to them feeling like a chore and#not basing my schedule entirely around theirs so like . maybe i have rose colored glasses towards this trip nowadays#romeo.txt
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every day my finances make me wanna kms i dont wanna do this adult shit no more
#and whats making it worse is me having to go back and forth with the damn hospital#almost a full month and i cant even get a solid date for surgery bc the fucking doctor is playing games#id like to have been employed by now#but itd be a bad look and id be back at square one if they decide to finaly get it together like a week or two after i start#id just get fired.#and i cant pay my loans#and i want to die#i havent gone a day the last 4 months without a panic attack#im exhausted#cant even rly do shit abt the loans thing either bc its just like oh dont have a job? try harder u still owe us#like i hope you all go to hell
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STUCK IN THE WASHING MACHINE TROPE WITH STEPBROTHER BAKUGOU!!!
SMUT, Stepcest, dubcon in the beginning, Creampie, dumbification, anal play, he's aged up to 19, dirty talk, heavy degradation and Bakugou is really really mean cause he's Bakugou duh, slight daddy kink, some bad grammar bc it's not proofread. MINORS DNI!!!!
Word count - 2350
A/n - I have no idea how someone can possibly get stuck in a washing machine but just pretend you can😔🙏
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"Katsuki Katsuki! Holy fuck are you deaf or something?! I'm stuck!" you yelled at the top of your lungs as you tried your very best to wiggle yourself out from the washing machine opening. You can't even remember how you got yourself into this fucking mess, you were just trying to look and see if there were any more clothing pieces left behind because you've been noticing a few of your panties have gone missing the past few days and it kept getting worse and worse to the point where you barely have any left to wear, you assumed it's because you accidentally kept leaving them in the washing machine and now somehow your fucking stuck.
Heavy substantial footsteps were heard loudly outside the room before the wooden door went flying open, causing the doorknob to hit against the wall, causing a loud bang, "The fuck do you want, can't you see I'm tryna fucking play?" the annoyed blond growled at you.
"Shut up and get me the fuck out" You yelled annoyed, while kicking your legs back to get his attention.
"Woah some mess you got yourself into, sweetheart" he smirks slyly while analyzing the situation, staring down at your pretty ass poking out of the washing machine, barely even covered by those tight slutty shorts you always wore around the house that never failed to make his cock rock hard.
"Oh please, just shut up and get me out already", you kicked your feet back hoping that he was behind you so it would hit him. "I don't think that's how you speak to someone you're trying to get help from, princess".
You rolled your eyes at the annoying pet names he always calls you every fucking time but you've grown used to it by now but the constant teasing was so fucking annoying. "Listen are you going to help me or not?".
"That depends princess, are you gonna beg me to or not?" you wanted to punch him in the face so fucking badly, imagining the shit-eating grin he definitely has plastered on his face right now. "Your so fucking annoying! No way go to hell!" you yelled.
"Oh yeah? Is that so"
He chuckled as he bent down behind you, eyes fixated on the way the thin material hugged your ass cheeks so tightly and delicious, you're so vulnerable in this position, he could keep you there and pound your slutty little holes for hours and hours if he wants to—which is probably what he's gonna do anyways.
He pressed the pad of his thumb against your damped crotch, rubbing it slowly back and forth as he watched the way your body jolted unexpectedly.
"Wha-what are you doing! You sick fuck??" you screamed as you tried to wiggle your ass away from his hold. "Oh, come on princess, let's have some fun yeah? You might even like it" he teases before tugging down your tiny shorts, just to be greeted with your glistening dripping cunt. A string of your slick connects to the crotch of the shorts before snapping away as he pulls it down to your knee. He groaned as his eyes took in the delicious sight in front of him, "No panties? And your fucking dripping, you probably planned this out and did this purposely just so I can come and see you like this, dirty fucking slut" he lands a harsh slap on your right ass cheek as you closed your eyes in embarrassment when you realized you're basically fucking exposed to him.
"Go to fucking hell you perv" You snapped back at him, "Oh yeah? I'm the perv?, I'm not the one fucking soaked and dripping onto the floor sweetheart". He laughs mockingly.
His dick was painfully hard and eager, straining to be released from his sweatpants, what can a man do? It's not his fault his dumb little stepsister always runs around the house with those tight little booty shorts, ass almost fully exposed, basically begging to be pounded and now he has his chance so why not take it?
He pulls his sweatpants and underwear down, thick perfectly curved dick slaps against his abdomen as pre cum oozes out of the angry red tip, he grips his fist around it before pumping himself a few times while circling your clit with his thumb, "Pretty little cunt you got here princess, been hiding this from me this whole time?"
"S-stop it Katsuki, this is wrong! You're my stepbrother, we can't do this!" you whined, it's so fucking wrong and fucked up and you sure as hell knew that, you just can't help but feel your needy cunt throbbing and yearning for more, it's only natural right?
Before you could even process anything else you felt his angry tip lining up at your entrance, his thick cock head bullying and prying it's way into your weeping tight hole before he shoves it all the way in unexpectedly, knocking the wind out of you as you hissed at the sudden pain.
"Hahh fuckk- Katsuki slow down!" you moaned as he starts thrusting his hard cock in and out of you like it was his mission to bruise and mark up your silky walls with his tip, strong hands gripping onto your waist as he stretches out your poor cunt with his fat girth, splitting that pretty little cunny in half as it drips all over him. "Holy fuckk you're so fucking tight hah- shitt" he hisses as your pussy clenches around him snugly, tightest cunt he ever fucked for sure.
He started pounding you harder, gripping the oversized T-shirt you wore as he rammed himself in the tight warm space between your thighs.
"Stupid little slut, is this what you need to shut that annoying little mouth of yours, my dick pounding this little pussy?" he took a mental note to give you exactly what you wanted when you're acting up and being a little bitchy brat to him. "Sh-ut up katsu-" shit you couldn't even form proper words to even say his fucking name, "You're the fucking worse fuh-ckk" you moaned out of pleasure. You can't even lie his cock was the best you've ever had and it's only been minutes since he started fucking you so that surely says a lot, his tip was grazing against the right spots in your hole, it's like his dick knew all the parts in cunt that would make your eyes roll to the back of your head and he was stretching your stuffy cunt with his cock soo good, it turnt you into a moaning mess.
"Oh yeah I know my cock is good you little slut, Gonna fuck you so stupid with it, you won't ever think about another guy's dick other than your stepbrother's" he smirks as he lands a hard slap on your ripped ass, watching the way the thick flesh jiggles against him, bouncing back against his pelvis as he drills himself so fucking deep inside of you. You're his little glory hole, he can stuff you full and deep of his seed and use your tight pussy for hours and fuck you so dumb that you can't even think for the rest of the week if he wants to.
He circles his thumb over your neglected butthole, the puckered hole fluttering against the pad of his thumb as he notices the way your moans got sweeter and louder at the gesture. He won't be surprised if you're a slut for anal he snooped through your room a shit ton of times looking for your dirty cum-stained panties he uses to jerk off to, to know that you have several jeweled anal plugs hidden away in your drawer.
"Mmm want me to put it in baby?" he teases, adoring the way the pink ring flutters on his thumb, soo eager and hungry to be stuffed and played with, "Ye-yes pleasee!" you hiccupped, purposely winking your hole for him desperately as a form of inviting him. "Heh, how cute" he mumbled before gathering your slick from your clit to rub it on the tiny rim before slowly sinking it in little by little. He groaned as he felt your cunt throbbing around his cock as your hungry asshole swallows his thumb into the hilt.
Heavy balls slapping against your clit as your eyes roll back to the back of your head as if you were possessed or something- or maybe you were, possessed by his fucking cock hitting your favorite spots in your hole that had you seeing stars. His cock was so fucking good, mushroom tip kissing your cervix with every single one of his mean thrusts. "Fuck wish I could play with those pretty tits" he groans, head falling back as he moans, your cunt felt like fucking heaven, so warm and tight just for him.
"Kat-Katsuki m' so close" you moaned as you felt the familiar feeling in your stomach building up, "Yeah? That fast? My cock is that good huh?".
You let out a porn star-worthy moan when you felt his thick thumb sliding in and out of your tight bullied walls, matching the rough brutal pace of the pounding he was giving your poor pussy. He lifts up one of his legs and plants his feet flat on the floor so he can drill deeper into your cunt, "Fuckk yes daddy- don't stop fuck! Please don't stop" you cried out as you felt yourself approaching your release.
He chuckled mockingly, "Daddy huh? You're such a fucking dirty whore ya know that?" he slapped your ass so fucking hard that his handprint was definitely branded on your ass cheek, "Didn't know my dear little stepsis was such a cock-hungry slut, what'd ya think mom would say if she found out her innocent daughter was milking her stepbrother's cock and calling him daddy hm? Always knew you were a whore" he smirks as you whimpered and dripped to his mean words.
He pulled his thumb out of your butthole slowly and then groaned when he saw the delicious little gape he created. He brought his thumb up to his mouth before sucking it, gathering spit onto the finger then circling it around the gaped hole.
"Fuckk would you look at that, she's all prepped and ready for my cock, maybe after I'm done stuffing your cunt, I'll fill this one up too, bet you'll fucking like that", you felt his cock throbbing like crazy in your pussy as he imagined stuffing both of holes with his bitter cum and having you all plugged up n pretty with his seed deep in your asshole and the only thing keeping it in is the princess plug you have hidden away in your drawer- buried deep inside your ass.
You almost screamed when you felt him stabbing his cock into your cunt even harder, strong hands gripping your waist tightly to keep you still as he rams his hips against yours. The friction of his heavy balls slapping your clit made it feel even better as your cunt clenches around his cock, threatening to milk his balls into your pussy. You're not surprised that Bakugou was this good at fucking, after all, he was really fucking sexy and built, of course he had a lot of experience. You cried out when you felt his fingers rubbing harsh harsh circles on your clit, "Come on slut, need ya to cum on my cock, don't make me repeat myself" he grunts, head falling back when he feels your cunny squeezing around his cock soo much fucking tighter. You closed your eyes as you felt your orgasm approaching. His thrust was so fucking brutal, it's like he has some fucking personal problem and is taking it out on your poor cunt.
Before you could process anything else, you were gushing all over his pretty cock, warm liquid squirting all over his abs and pelvis and he continues pounding you through it, he lets out a slurpy moan while laughing, "Fuckk yeah that's it baby that's it, Gooddd girl" he thrusts got sloppier and sloppier when he felt his balls tightening. He didn't expect you to fucking squirt and make a mess all over him so it drove him fucking crazy.
You felt his cock twisting against your tight walls, assuming he was about to cum. Fuck, you felt so lifeless. The only thing holding you up was Katsuki's strong grip on your waist and the washing machine because you can't even think right now, your mind fully fucking clouded with his cock bullying your poor insides, splitting your sweet cunny apart. Fuck he's so mean, you shivered when you felt his fingers digging deep into your waist.
"Fuck m'gonna cum, gonna stuff this slutty cunt so full of my seed, it'll come right out your mouth bitch" he hisses before emptying his balls in your pussy, thick ropes of cum filling up your cumdump of a hole as you cried out when you felt his angry tip pushing the cum further and further into your cunny, making sure to stuff you full and not let any of it leak out or you'd have to lick it up.
He chuckles darkly when he hears you're out of breath whimpers. "Is this what you needed? A good little filling to shut that pretty mouth of yours? Because if it's dick you need to function properly you know where to find me baby" he chuckles, slowly pulling out his still-hard cock, being sooo careful that none of the cum drips out. He lines his tip up at the entrance of your butthole, smearing the cum onto the hole as it winks at him.
"Ready for the other filling?"
#my hero acedamia#mha#boko no hero academia#bnha#bakugou katuski x reader#katsuki bakugou#bakugou smut#bakugou x reader#katsuki smut#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugo mha#mha bakugou#deku smut#deku x reader#deku#mha deku#izuku smut#izuku x reader#izuku midoriya#mha midoriya#mha hawks#hawk smut#hawk x reader#eijirou x reader#kirishima eijirou#bnha eijiro kirishima#kirishima smut#kirishima x reader
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You, a cute Deer hybrid foolishly make another attempt to get away from your Tiger hybrid bf’s grip while his tongue ravishes you in the name of “grooming.” You huff, slumping against his paws that encircle your body.
He chuckles darkly, the sound sending a chill down your spine. You try as hard as you can to not appear as aroused that you are by it, but when you hear him inhale sharply you know he’s picked up on the scent of lust that seeps from your pores.
“It’s no use trying to get away from me, mate.” You can’t help but whimper, the jittering buzz of restlessness coursing through your pent up body.
“I wanna run,” you whine, looking longingly toward the grassy distance even as you arch into his embrace. A part of you resisting possibly because you know how wound up it makes him.
A second later the tiger’s prickly tongue resumes its course of lapping up and down your exposed throat and you shiver, resisting a pleased sigh that begs to be released. A rumble passes through his chest as he soaks up your warmth, his protective instincts roaring to life at your irritating insistence.
“If you run then you get dirty and then you will be right back here in my enduring embrace with no chance of escape,” he growls, not completely hating the idea for a moment. The idea of caring for his mate’s body as much as he wrecks it an intriguing one. So why not do both?
Even with his warning you don’t stop your wriggling. Of course you don’t. Not when the urge to run and burn off your energy is pumping through your veins. You don’t even notice how your endless squirming has you grinding into your bf’s dick, causing it to harden and stir to life. Bringing forth its need to hunt and make its prey submit. He rumbles huskily in your ear, jerking forward and pinning you down with his hips.
“Stop your moving this instant or I’ll make you,” he threatens with that deadly rasp in his tone that would’ve had you baring your neck for him in an instant if you were paying any attention.
Your damn squirming doesn’t stop and it’s even worse now that his aching cock is nestled right between your plump thighs. His red bulging tip dribbling pre-cum. The fact that you don’t even notice as it leaks down onto your exposed slit is his last straw.
“That’s fucking it. You’re done for.”
Chilling noises leave him as he leans back and yanks your ass up into the air. Flipping your dress up and fully exposing your glistening pussy to the cold air as you help in surprise. That yelp quickly growing into a full-blown cry as before you realize what’s going on, your bf slips his entire length inside your warm wet cunt in a single thrust.
He doesn’t bother waiting for you to adjust before he starts slamming his cock along your quivering walls. His claws digging into your fur to keep you perfectly still for his onslaught. You hadn’t given him a moment of relief and he plans on affording you the same courtesy. Growls tear from his throat at how tight you are, especially as your pretty pussy clenches down on him like the good Doe you are.
You moan wildly, your body buzzing as it finally gets the exercise it truly needed. You try and meet his thrusts but your bf roars in protest, his claws sinking deeper into your flesh. Snapping his cock inside you with brutal thrusts, using your body like a fleshlight. Fucking into you with no restraint and unleashing all his pent up frustrations on you. Just like him your climax sneaks up on you and completely overwhelms you with endless shocks of pleasure. Your body shakes as he doesn’t stop, prolonging the buzzing inside you and you have a feeling he’s not gonna stop for a long time…
With each orgasm that wracks through your form, your body grows weaker. The only thing keeping you upright anymore is your bf’s claws still sunk into your hips. Drool pools from your lips as he pumps inside your pussy just right. Clearly aiming for his own release as few thrusts later he’s spilling himself deep inside you, filling your spent cunt to the brim with his cum. A sweet little reward for how good you were for him.
“Look at you. So perfect like this,” he says in awe, his claws scraping up and down your back in a way that has you moaning weakly.
Your body is so perfectly still, your mind completely fucked out. He now has you exactly how he needs you. With you no longer able to move, your bf leans over you, cock still fully sheathed inside you, and resumes his grooming. This time with no interrupts besides the occasional whimper.
#monster fucker#teratophillia#monster smut#monster lust#monster lover#monster fudger#monster romance#monster reader#monster fluff#monster fic#monster imagine#monster bf#monster boyfriend#deer hybrid#weretiger#werecat#cat hybrid#hybrid smut#hybrid fic#hybrid#hybrid x reader#monster x reader#monster x human#monster x y/n#monster x you#monster x monster#monster x female#monster x girl#reader x monster#human x monster
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