#i dont know what im supposed to do. i fucjing hate this.
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dhampir-dyke · 2 months ago
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celestialmancer · 6 months ago
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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angellurgy2 · 5 months ago
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i thinkci just ruin everything in my life. i walk around trying my fucking hardest to be the best girl i can be, to communicate my issues, to tell when I feel bad abt them, to try n figure out how to move past them. i try to engage w people on things they like i try to pretend i like things i try to pretend im a person who is able to interact w 'interests' i try to pretend i can take all the fucking abuse and exclusion and forgetfulness on a daily basis but no matter what i do i just ruin everything somehow. ive stopped speaking out loud to anyone at all irl bc i know everythinf that co w out of my mouth will be hated on or taken with the worst assumption possible instead of assuming the best in me which no one has ever done. even my irl gfs never think of me. never even consider what id like. i get to just rot while they run away without ever msging me to go fuck a girl who hate s me. i want a fucjing break from the pain which is why i tried to kms but its not always gonna fuckinf work so im just stuck here n i cant reaaally come online for refuge anymore bc all im reminded of is how much people have fucjing abandoned me and how u all reblog all of their shit so theyre plastered on my dash and i just wanna fucking escape this endless pain that I can never avoid feeling. i want real fucking friends but im just not allowed to have them i guess. at times ive thought 'im glad i didnt die b4 so i could meet my first irl gfs at least' but now i dont. now i just wish that the pain would(ve) stop at all. and sure some of the problem is just that ppl r fucking assholes who refuse to acrually care about their sisters and are lying to everyones faces abt their morality but clearly im a walking fckn problem too. no matter what everytime im around smth gets ruined. what am i even supposed to fucking do when theres no point in trying anything anymore
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akaakeis · 3 months ago
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gnawing at my nails rn i miss my bf (i dont have one) how do u pick like,,, one person to selfship with bc⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
like there r so many options ushijima i dont even know who's my favourite character rn ushijima like guys☹️⁉️⁉️
BUT I cant wait for savyaku😼😼😼😼😼 SOCUTE
goshiki is my babey though he is sososososososososo cute and i would want him irl and i bet i could even pull him irl toooo
yk what this type of starting is called! a HOOK sentence cuz u got HOOKED and now ur reading this long ass ask. WAIT FUCJ mattsun guys hear me out here ANYWAYS. HRU SAV!!!!!!!!!!!! its 4am for yew rn right!!
anyways.. its 4pm havent had lunch yet am so fucking tired but soft rice.. soft white rice.... i want to sleep but rice....... call me basic but soft white rice is the best fucking thing in the entire world right after u. teacher gave my english composition an 80 i think ill end up on the news. i just stood up abruptly and the world went 🌀🌀🌀🌀 should i be worried..!!!!
THERE WAS AN OWL ON OUR ROOF THE OTHER DAY SO COOL i almost started writing akaashi hurt comfort (???) at school today but i didnt get time and now im Too Tired :(
im reading and the mountains echoed by khaled hosseini and erm. the plot is so questionable at times like wdym the guy was in love with his chauffeur wdym she tried to kill her sister and changed her mind last second so it was only paralysis but its ok bc she killed her fr next time. wdym this one girl dated her moms ex and then married her friend's ex like guys.. guys i have Questions..
IDK IF U READ JJK MANGA BUT U SHOULD READ JJK MANGA
i cant wait for ur birthday #weirdkidthings Im So Funny Guys Im So Funny
im going to sleep so hard tonight grrgrgrhrgrg i had ice cream on the way home from school YUM and then math kid era p2 i finished this one thinf before everyone else even started and the teacher asked if i did it qt home cuz wtf. ew now i remember her using her nail to create indentations in the paper and i feel nauseous my skin is crawling
WHATEVER eRmmrmrm im sitting on the stairs rn hashtag procrastination ahahahahah ive been writing this and zoninf out for the past 7 minutes yyyyyippeeee
im so tired guys let me sleeeep
my parenrs were supposed to find baby gender today but the little shit kept its legs shut and didnt let them see (just like me frl)
correction im lying on the stairs rn ..
honestly me x goshiki would be Bomb why is he so unpopular all his fics are mid or questionable so far,,,, anyways. konoha is so beautiful i would want him excpet i have like no grip on his character so #tweaks. i hate andrew tate so fkn much. i cant wait till i turn 16 idk i feel like life will be significantly cooler then. anyways bb i take my leave gotta go eat lunch
i hope youve eaten by the time ur reading this!!! stay hydrated and safe and dm me to be silly together whenever >:]]]]] i hope u have a WONDERFUL day sav!! ily <3
look at my man hes so gorgeous btw
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alina... bf... :D alright then! umumumummm honestly there were many characters that i wanted to do a selfship with but i didnt want to be self shipping with the same character that someone im following consistently self ships with LMAO cause i feel like it gets weird for me at that point cause all the hcs in my head get mixed up? ANYWAY i just think of selfships with any character im hyperfixating on at that very moment... in fact my selfship very well may change!!!
anyway since im replying after you decided on yuulina... NOYA AGHHH U GUYS WILL BE SO CUTE TOGETHER!!! IM UR NO 1 SUPPORTER THIS IS YUULINA SUPPORT CENTRAL‼️‼️‼️
savyaku sounds so funny i need to thank of something that sounds better stop rn 💔 BUT I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO SOME SELFSHIP STUFF :))
u would so pull goshiki irl 🙂‍↕️
HELP thanks for the english lesson lina 😭 those terms always make me shudder because they were drilled into my head in my college comp class it was horrifying. and NO not mattsun i do NOT approve of that at this point in time!!!! AND IM OKAY!! tired as hell and i have 3 projects to work on <3 (i stacked my classes this year, im not proud.) IT IS NOW 3 PM AS I ANSWER THIS ASK SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE 12 HOURS WOAH
honestly u were probably tired because you didn't eat but i digress... AND SOFT WHITE RICE HAS MY HEART IT MAY BE AN ASIAN THING?? and awh stawp😋 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE ENGLISH TEACHER THAT YOU CORRECTED IN CLASS? THE ONE THAT CANT SPEAK AS WELL AS YOU?? insanity 😨 i may end up on the news as well. AND YOURE PROBABLY HUNGRY AND DEHYDRATED GO EAT AND DRINK WATER IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY WHAT??? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!
WHAT AN OWL ON THE ROOF THATS SUPER COOL!! bro i love owls :( and ugh i get what u mean i feel like sometimes the time just slips away... but its okay! you'll have time at some later date <3 make sure you rest enough!!
guys what my jaw just dropped?? THOSE WERE THE MOST RANDOM PLOT POINTS YOU COULDVE LEFT ME WITH. NOW IM JUST CONFUSED? KINDA WANNA READ IT NOW (my readlist has 100+ books on it)...
AND IVE READ SOME OF IT BUT IM NOT UP TO DATE RN I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CATCH UP RECENTLY
im excited for your bday too!! im trying to math away the time differences in my head so like i would dm at 12 pm the day before your bday so i would catch u at midnight i THINK.
i hope u are having an AMAZING sleep rn alina!!! and u are so smart <3 barf ur teacher needs to stop doing that thats lowk unsanitary? in my book
HELP ME NOT THE JS LIKE ME FR 😭😭 hopefully u guys are able to figure out the gender soon!! im so excited for you guys <33
goshiki is under appreciated as a character honestly and i think its cause of his fuckass haircut 😭 NO OFFENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER IM SORRY!! HES CUTE BUT THE HAIR IS NOT FOR ME. when i saw him shirabu AND tendou i was like "what the HELL is wrong with shiratorizawa they are all fucked" no they werent they had semi and ushijima BUT THAT WAS FIRST IMPRESSION ANYWAY also konoha UGRHSHSBNDMSJABD hes so!!! so!!! yeah!!! i love him sm... also how did we get on the topic of andrew tate hes such a weird guy i dont like him ���� AND SO REAL im excited to be 16 <3
AND I HAVE!! make sure u eat something nutritious before school! and drink some water!! i hope your day is lovely <3 ily!!
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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I have just remembered readmores sry..also this post took me 2 hours 2 write sry. i rambled
ALABAMA
well i do think of sweet home alabama. ive never been idt aside maybe we mightve drove through it when we went 2 florida. however im always there for a southern state I support them when no one else does (unless its florida). so slay 4 that. i do also think of the you know what jokes which r disgusting nd i fucking hate them so bad and i hate that i cant hear the song without thinking of them. but anyways..
ALASKA
it was in the Simpsons movie so theres that. and one time on like hgtv or something i saw them building a house in alaska . actually im pretty sure the reason i specifically remember that is bc it was the day that um. girl i didnt mean for this podt to get dark so quick but i did watch it while i was at a pool party at my parents friends house and it was the time a kid. drowned. at the pool party and i was watching hgtv in the living room when i found out so. thats rly nothing to do with alaska but im pretty sure the hgtv i was watching was them building a house in alaska. it was cool looking ig
ARIZONA
hot there .. um thats all rly JFNFJFNG its hot its one of the four corners innit. i always do sporcles wirh my sibling fmously and one of the ones that traps me every single time is us states no borders minefield so i have the 4 corners fucking locked and loaded. iirc arizona is top right... if im wrong i have to restart us states no borders minefield from the beginning which. id rather kms.
ARKANSAS
i kno its pronounced are can saw (well rly i say it more like are kin saw) and i do pronounce it like that but my first thought every time i see it is Our kansas <33 so yeah. no real feelings on it i suppose... however southern states lets fucjing go number one number one. somehow i always forget where it is on the map even tho its legit Above louisiana.. but yesh anyways
CALIFORNIA
lmao. do i need 2 say anything. i suppose the worst part abt living in wa is tht im so much closer to california....
COLORADO
one of the 4 corners innit bottom left . ive just realized i got colorado and arizona mixed up its so fucking over 4 me whatever idecc. thats all rly isnt there skiing there... it may or nay not be the state where the name means something related to snow in spanish. idr.. my editors (myself on firefox) have informed me that it is not the state where the name means snowy in spanish. i suppose i dont know shit abt colorado v°v i think itnmay have been in an episode of whats new scooby doo.
CONNECTICUT
humiliating admission. during my dark quotev ages / my very first year on tumblr where i never rbed or posted Nything just lurked. well it was during my hetalia phase and there was this artist i was obsessed with who drew hetalia and they had 50 states ocs and their connecticut was like bffs with rhode island soim always like ahhh connecticut and rhode island. aside from that i do the ten i see joke with connecticut and it goes hey girl r u from connecticut bc yr the only connect i cut is there no smirk wink emoji. judt smirk and wink. my life fucking sucks. 😉 <- nvm hes the one o was thinking of. but the 50 states ocs things is humiliating bc i downloaded everry single image and Memorized them based on the facts so i in 6th grade would judt force my friends 2 read the facts to me to see how quick i could name the state. sigh...
DELAWARE
first state or whatever. idk fuck delaware its rly annoying on us states no outline minefield bc its so little. i suppose rhode island is worse since its smaller but its like Up marylands ass so it sucks. but ya idk irrelevant ass state
FLORIDA
i dont rly hate florida i just think its funny 2 hate it. ive beej twice and both times were fun aside from So fucking hot and humid like of the devil. and bugs... but ya. i like the beaches the atlantic is my good friend I DID nearly get eaten by gators not rly but kinda bc um. last time i went with my gran we went innertubing in this river that was like super red right. it was like the minerals or somrthing. so i was in the litle floatie having fun and then its time 2 get off and theres a little dock on the right side. I suddenly remember im not a good swimmer. im trying 2 doggy paddle over Failing oh god oh god everybodys yelling at me. i miss it. i keeo going. Suddenly the river is not cleared 4 ppl to be swimming in theres branches everywhere underwater etc im getting hit in the stomach my hairs grtting caught in branches i think idr i mightve been bald at the time. if i had hair it was getting tangled ok. harrowing. and then up ahead theres a fork in the river ajd i go left and atp im expecting 2 just fucking die yk. so im floating still getting hit by branches Cljnging to my floatie 4 life im like My fucking phone is with my family so how tf. am i going to let anybody know where i am if i do ever get out of this fucking river. but anyways so im flosting and MERCY i see kayakers and theyre like !? and im like crying and theyre like Omg come over here and theres a little like. concrete dock thing so i climb up on it and one of the kayakers let me borrow their phone to text my family basically. and then i found out if i had gone on the right side That leads to a big reservoir that has a ton of gators in it so i lmwouldve for sure been eatej probably. so yeah. my 2nd water related near desth experience in florida.. maybe i should stay away from there. anyways aside from that rhere were these cool springs they were so cold but it was fun ^_^ i also drove a truck 4 a little bit (just in my grans friends yard i was judt helping move it)
GEORGIA
georgia peachessss also jacob from drawfee is from there. i think theres somrthing else but idr.. iirc i lke their license plate but i wish it were pinker... georgia i associate it with a nice like dusty orangy pink... much like a peach one could say. i also love georgia accents...
HAWAII
caitlin doughty (of ask a mortician and order of the good death and death in the afternoon fame) was born in hawaii and im a huge fan of hers soooo yeah. aside from that i think hawaii should be free and death to america basically. itis very beautiful i will never go bc i think the tourism industry is of the fucking devil in hawaii.. so yes. i highly recommend looking into the cause and donating if u can.. on a deeply unserious note i also think of like..elvis and lilo and stitch. and elvis makes me think of my granny bc she loved elvis so theres that. one year 4 christmas my dad got her an elvis themed set of 3 mugs and she had this huge elvis blanket that was rly comfy we used to push the couches together in her room to make a like. boat kinda dhape and all the cousins would sleep in there it was fun. thats not rly hawaii related at all but i usually slept with the elvis blanket.
IDAHO
potatosssssss i love potsto so bad number one ever number one huge fan. aside from that i associate it with a deep sense of relief bc fucking driving thriugh montana was hell so when we finally got into idaho i was like Fuck yes lord. finally out of montana...
ILLINOIS
anither one where i know how its pronounced and i do pronounce it correctly but my first thouhht when i see it is illa noise. sry. girl are you from illinois bc yr the only ill i noise. so yeah basically. also borders ky and i get it mixed up on maps with indiana... iirc indiana is farther west. but i always wanna out illinois in ohios place and indiana in illinois place. but ohio also in ohios space. ig i judt forget its so west... i imagine them all as being sbove the big part of ky but indiana isnlike off 2 the side. over the thin part ykwin. so yeah.
INDIANA
well see above i covered most of it... also ofc Indianapolis which isnt what the race is called is it. thats judt the city. but the cars the indy 500... i know of thst..so yeah. i also love it when a states capitol is just the name of the state basicslly its so funny 2 me. like kansas city. indianapolis. there r others modt likely. love it no notes.
IOWA
iowa doeeees not border ky does it. where tf is iowa .. lrgit nothing 2 say abt it. i kinda hate that the abbreviation is IA bc i dont like it when the acronyms r 2 vowels i think its ugly. but i suppose io is also that . and also i dont like the name io 4 reasons 💀 and iw is kinda ugly looking. oh well. ig ia is the best option but im not particularly happy abt ot...
KANSAS
many associations 1. irs in the middle of rhe map i always always remember this. 2nd thing wizard of oz. yk. even tho wizard of oz pretty explicitly they Arent in kansas (anymore). but yk. and theres tornadoes and shit...the biggest association tho is im fucking genuinely terrified of it it is so insanely flst there like have you seen the highest point in kansas. its a fucking plain. and its called mt sunflower and its judt the ground rises up for like hundreds of miles 2 get to mount sunflower. fucking genuinely terrifying i feel like the fucking bird is going to get me... ive been aware of the bird SINCE BIRTH. 👇 mt sunflower btw. its cutesy but terrifies me
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KENTUCKY
teehee... giggles... kicks my legs hey gorgeouss. tbh i dont actually rly and truly have any ky opinions Just fucking kidding lmao KY NUMBER ONEE bluegrass state horses.... lots of horse farms i love the beautiful appalachian mountains my good friends i love the weather i love all of it. i miss the pinnacles.... sometimes i play ky nighttime ambience on youtube and it makes me cry. so i suppose i associate ky with like. my entire life before i turned 18 LMAO. i also always think of cardinals since theyre the state bird and also cardinals r very special 2 me bc of the likee. belief that when u see a cardinal it means a loved one whos gone is there watching you. so everytime i see one i think of my granny bc shes got a little picture of a cardinal by her grave bc of that little saying. indont rly believe in ghosts or heaven but seeing cardinals does make me feel closer 2 her.. cardinals also dont exist in wa idt so. :(
LOUISIANA
well it is l shaped and next to texas... i will admit i dont know much modt of what i know is just like. new orleans and hurricane katrina... i think its cool tho yk. i also lovee lesrning abt all the creole languages bc i love linguistics. i think of princess and the frog bc tiana was my fav disney princess... b4 she existed it was belle but ive been a tiana girl since the movie came out :] so yes. im down with louisiana what is it ... it isnt la is it ? it is interesting.. far better than the other la LMAO
MAINE
i must think something abt it... oh all the shipwrecks maine has s lot of them innit. its the farthest north aside from alaska obviously. n there r alot of shipwrecks up alone the northeast coast so yes ! it is a new england state as well and im irrationally scared of new england bc its so fucking small up there its not normal. i feel new england could all be 1 state.... dgmw i think west coast states r scary as well. far too big a county in wa is like basicslly the size of all of new england. very terrifying. texas far too big its of the devil ! i think the ideal size for a state is probably aboutt 39,486 square miles of land and 921 square miles of water for a total mass of ~40408 square miles.if we must throw out numbers.but ya aside from that likee. clam chowder ig... i find the architecture in some spots quite charming... i think i have an ex mut from there i could probably say the name bc there are legit 3838473837474 transmascs with this name on tumblr. itis most likely the one yr thinking of if the one yr thinking of is also the name of a prominent character in the mechanisms 2nd studio album Ulysses dies at dawn. But i shant say it specifically jic. fine u caught me it is heracles (joke its ulysses (joke))) i wanna relisten to udad whatever.
MARYLAND
i think i mixed bits of msryland up with maine. yk why? too fucking small theyre bssically the same place we coukdve judt done one. the emoji that is suggested when i type small is 🦐 which is awesome . anyways i think marylands actually the clam chowder guys. did i ever mention clam chowder or did i get off topic. oh well. also nathan from drawfee is from maryland. sry ive been watching a lot of drawfee.
MASSACHUSETTES
i had a different ex mutual from here... umm the drivers suck. also its new england so booooo booooooo yankees...
MICHIGAN
there was this girl jn my 4th grade class who was very very red like constantly sunburnt and she had curly black hair that she always had in a braid and i fucking hated her so bad bc she was a bitch 2 me... like one time we had to do these wait no im mixing her up with fucking Gavin. ugh fucking gavin.... fuck gavin too oh my god fucking we had to do this poem abt where we lived so i wrote mine right. abt the shitty apartment complex i lived in. and then i was telling my friend abt it and we were in line and fucking Gavin went Nobody cares abt your stupid apartment... HE LIVED JN THE SAME FUCKJNG APARTMENT COMPLEX well complex is a weird word for it it was like. basically these long strips of houses and it was 12 to each sort of strip. and it would be like 212 was rhe building number youd say and the apartment would be #8.. so he lived in like. lets say i lived in 213 apartment 6. he lived in like 219 apartment 3 or something. like fuck offff he sucked. and also ppl did explicitly want to know abtnit That was the point of the fucking assignment. but anyways josie. thats the girls name btw she was from michigan.... but actually i think i stopped hating her bc i mentioned that i had made my own birthday cake and she thiught it ws rly cool and we talked abt baking so i think we were cook after that. but that was nesr the end of the year abd it was in computer lab .. so yes i like how i cant remember the period of my life from age like 11-15 but i do remember 4th grade in computer lab when she talked abt baking with me. but yeah basically. also i thinkk nichas family is from michigan so theres a good person from michigan.. come 2 think of it nicha kinda looked like josie her hair wasnt rly curly but she did have kind of red cheeks. woukdnt it be crazy if they were related.. idt so. but thatd be crazy. oh also michigan has the great lakes and is 2 parts so thats pretty cool
MINNESOTA
lol mini soda. little house on the prairie was in minnesota innit... i rly loved those books when i was a kid bc we had these like. heirloom copies from my moms granny so i rly liked them. Im sure they havent aged the best considering. theyre written by a colonist in the 1800s. but ya. wasnt minnesota also where kirsten lived... interesting. so ya theres rhat I suppose nothing else much 2 say.
MISSISSIPPI
mississippi river.. Hey girl r u from mississippi bc yr the only miss i sippy 😉 um yeah. i also always forget where this one goes but ive gotten better wirh it. i also think its quite fun to say and to write. mississippi it comes naturally 2 me.
MISSOURI
im losing steam a bit udk if u can tell but ive been writing this post 4 over an hour. I suppose the biggest thing i associate it iwth is that video of somebody zooming in on the welcome to missouri sign and then misery is playing on the radio so it goes I AM IN MIIIISSOURI! its rly funny. ya .. idk probably theres other things.
MONTANA
sucks 2 drive through in early march ill tell u that. was so bad .. iirc they had a rly rly fancy best western tho. but that akso mightve been in idaho or south dakota. Ive heard its quite nice when it isnt Hell but im never going back.. fuck montana 🖕 we were driving for fucking hiurs and hiurs bc we coukdnt find a hotek i think it was like 2am when we finally got 2 stop. and it was a whiteout so we were just driving on this unsalted like. rural ass 2 lane road behind a giant semi... bc withiut the semi we couldnt tell where the road was. bwsically it was bad. and also freezing.
NEBRASKA
i think i was lying when i said whatever state i said was in whats new scooby doo was in whats new scooby doo. i think it was nebraska the abominable snowman one that was crazy bc the abominable snowman was a robot but the gears were fucking made out of ice and shit .. and velma had a cold so she had 5000 layers. so basically yeah thats nebraska probably.
NEVADA
nevada means snow-covered/snowy in spanish. i bet youve been sitting on that since colorado. kind of funny that like the 2 things i thought of for colorado were actually abt nebraska (probably) and nevada . which r right next 2 eachither. but yeah nevada is the one that means snowy in spanish. i never took spanish classes i took french instead 💀 i wanna learn a language but im bsd with it... but i wont to one day. we will see... umm its also in californias little elbow bit yk. i get it mixed up with utah a lot. lh vegas is also here duh LMAO.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
fucking bew england idk go read my thoughts on fucking maine or maryland or fucking whatever. stupid ass region. oh but new hampshire is 69ing with vermont isnt it. yeah so theres that on a map new hampshire and vermont are 69ing.
NEW JERSEY
i went here 4 vacation once 4 like the summer solstice. to visit my godmother karyl... i think thats how its spelled its said like carol. iirc the reason my bn kamille has a k in it when it would be a c (camille) is bc my godmothers name also is spelled with a k when it would normally be a c. theres also a picture of me 4 like my 2nd ever trick or treat or maybe my first ever and karyl was there.... i was in a very cutesy butterfly costume and i think she was as well so we were matchy. YAY! shes cool i havent seen her in a rly long time tho. idk if shes still friends with my mom bc my mom lost a lot of friends bc of the whole. Thing yk we wont get jnto it
NEW MEXICO
Albuquerque is there and thats a fun thing to say and santa fe is also there. and breaking bad. santa fe reminds me of newsies which reminds me of. 💀. anyways. and like roswell and area 51 and the like.. is the grand canyon in new mexico? its also one ofthe 4 corners bottom right so its got that going 4 it. idk its probably hot here.. wait didnt so weird happen in new mexico. HOLD ON! no. wtf. i had a strong memory of it at least starting in new mexico... ig they were there for that like orbs episode. but famously they lived in a toue bus .. idk whyi thought they were like originally from new mexico. who tf is from new mexico... aside from mr breaking bad
NEW YORK
no one opens the door..... for a native new yorker. i do associate it with wendy williams which sucks bc shes a piece of shit. but also The Killer. um ya ill be real idk much abt new york outside of nyc LMAOO. julia from drawfee was born there and they all live in ny... formerly they all lived in brooklyn but now jacob and julia moved out to a smaller town outside nyc. well yeah. idk.. its new york. isnt it wheree kirsten came through when she first immigrated.. kirstens on the brain sry. im down with it 👍 my good friend miles is from there. and like all the other spiderpeople are too or whatever but my good friend miles,
NORTH CAROLINA
my friend marietta was from north carolina her initials were mmm. she ckuld be a bitch sometimes but she was cool. her and my kther friend brinn were constantly either besties or hated each other.... its sad i think they had a big argument and dont talk anymore. but i still like both of them me and brinn talk more but i miss marietta a lot... but ya. she rly loved north carolina and was homesick a lot and didnt rly like ky much. but she rly loved nc and was from like wayy uo high in the mountains. so i like nc bc she rly loved it :] i hope she was able to move back if she wanted to...
NORTH DAKOTA
shrug. whi cares. i associare it with south dakota which was rly cool when we drove through it like we kept seeing signs for the craziest shit on earth but we were budting ass 2 get to wa sk we didnt get to see any. but then on the way back my fucking sibling and my dad DID go to all those places... my archnemeses. that isnt rly relevant to nd but idk. its above south dakota v°v
OHIO
well jokingly i hate it. but its like fine. mixed bag.. ive got family up there on both sides so ive been there a couple times. and of course the huge plus is kings island which is my favorite theme park and i miss it and love it lots and lots.... :] and the cincinnati zoo is . a cool zoo but rather famously its also where ermmm. i meanni could say bc i literally started this post like I KNEW A KID WHO DROWNEDD but yk. basically its where i got child abused real bad LMAO. shoutout... so yk mixed bag like i said.
OKLAHOMA
itisss a little pot. saucepan? idk if modt.ppl call the like. little circle with long handle a saucepan or a pot.. a pot 2 me is the circles with the short handles on either side 🍲 like this. the other ones i also call them pots i also call them pans. idk what 2 call most things in a kitchen like a pan is like a pizza pan but also a frying pan/skillet and i also just call baking sheets pans. so.
OREGON
itis right below wa... i associate it with the oregon trail if im being honwst with u. nothing much 2 say portlands there which is kinda dire. um yeah whatever whi cares. hey girl r u from oregon bc yr the onle ore i gun. i kinda just say it like organ if im talking fast. or aura gin ... gin like git but with an n not gin like the spirit. 👻 boo! little joke. sry ive been writing this post 4 2 hours.
PENNSYLVANIA
one of the few ppl i truly truly hate is from pa. so. But it also gave me philly cheesesteak my good friend... its also new england so thats points away its also where the hersheys chocolate factory is i leanred that in 4th grade social studies.. surprised i was able to focus with fucking gavin being a little cunt. thats what we kn the industry call a 'callback'
RHODE ISLAND
too small.
SOUTH CAROLINA
this was the first place i ever went in vacation to... aside from like visiting family. like our entire family went my granny n papaw n my cousins... yayy it was fun we went to myrtle beach i wass 7? or 8. my baby sister was either a few months old or a year and a few months old and at one point she fell out of her stroller face first into the sand and it took us like a full minute to notice and she was NOT happy abt it LMAO but she was ok. umm this is where we got our turtle spyro :] my good friend spyro the turtle.. a fun fact abt spyro is when we first got him we thought he was a boy and then later i learned more abt how to sex a turtle and realized hes actually a girl. But we still call him a boy and ive decided hes a transgender legend...
SOUTH DAKOTA
see north dakota.
TENNESSEE
hey girl r u from tennessee bc yt the only ten i see 😉 YAYYYY. no thoughts aside from flat fuck. and borders ky to the south. i jokingly hate on it bc it borders ky tho. but rly its fine most likely
TEXAS
karena drawfee birn here. aside from that like its fucking texas. what do u want me to say its texas. unfortunately ik its where sheldon big bang theory is from so thats a major negative. aside from thst its just too big. stop all that.
UTAH
mormonism v°v also top left four corners. nothing else 2 say actually i think the grand canyon is here i may have lied earlier when i said it was wherever i said it was.
VERMONT
-50 points for new england +69 points for 69ing new hampshire. so 19 points which means nothing bc i havent given points to anything else. so ig vermonts winning since its the only one with points. retroactively 50000000000 points to ky.
VIRGINIA
virginia is funny bc it looks like ky fraternal twin. ik virginia came first but its kinda funny. ky looks better tho of course. its just fine but also its appalachian brother in arms 💪💪 sl rheres that. not as much a brother as wv is .. so yes. hey girl r u from virginia bc if yr a virgin i wanna be in ya. sry that one was actually kinda gross. i dont believe in virginity anyway
WASHINGTON
💀 no comment. well its fine i live here... ill probably like it more once i get out of the torment nexus and into my own apartment ^_^
WEST VIRGINIA
IM SO DOWN WITH WV brother in arms brother in arms lets go appalachia!!! i love the song like not even as a joke i love country roads. when we went on the dc trip we took 2 seperate busses bc there were so many 8th graders lmao but in BOTH busses when we crossed the wv border everybody was SCREAMING country roads bc it was the height of the meme. and ngl im chasing that high... yeah i like wv :] i do remember also during the dc trip that there were a bunch of brochures and one of them was just like THINGS YOU CANNOT FIND IN WV: THE OCEAN. WE ARE NOT COASTAL. YOURE THINKING OF VIRGINIA. DONT ASK US TO TELL YOU WHERE THE OCEAN IS BC IT ISNT HERE. ITS IN VIRGINIA. Which is funny
WISCONSIN
wisconsin six cheese or potentially actually four cheese i always forget. my favorite pizza from dominos aside frimt he illustrous greg if you dont know greg pay better attention 2 my posts. this is where laura ingalls wilder Of little house in the big woods was born... when i was little i wanted 2 live here bc i was quite enamored by the way she talked sbt her little cabin in the woods. so yeah.
WYOMING
sucks to end on such a lame state. nothing 2 say abt it. hey girl are you from wyoming bc yr the only why im ing. stupid. nothing 2 say. avtually rhis mightve been where that scooby doo episode was.
hope you enjoyed my factually correct opinions leave your thoughts down below. much love and ky number one go big blue go wildcats kentucky derby kentucky bourbon beautiful bluegrass state.
gonna post my thoughts on every single state. hold on...
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akuutaguava · 3 years ago
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FUCKI I CANT POST ANYMORE SHIT ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU TIMBLR AND THE PEOPLE ON TUMBLR HAVE A GOOD REST OF UR DAY
SHIT IM ACTUALLY NOT GOING TO SURVIVE WITHOUT WRITING WEIRD THOUGHTS
Ahahahahaha im gonna have to rant on insta i hate life good bye
Better idea: type on this post and this post alone lets see how chaotic this gets
I am queercoding rn
IVE BEEN FEELING HUNGRY THE WHOLE DAY TODAY AND THE MOMENT I CAN EAT I DONT WANT TO WHAT KINDA FUCKERY IS THIS
actually sobs ive seen so much i want to reblog
I hate this godamn limit whatthefuck
Now people will go back to this random post and can’t see my posts popping up every two minutes
FUCK YEAH CASAVA CHIPS :D
My thoughts need to be documented even when i cant post on here
This used to be a post abt me talking abt killjng peoples dogs but who knows anymore
SOMEONE HMSSAVE ME AH
I HAVE A LOT OF ACCOUNTS THAT I NEED TO POST ON WHATTHEFUCK
SHIT THESE CASAVE CHIPS ARE SO GOOD
Bussing bussin frfr
I hate the people who made me not be able to type anything here today shie, apollo, ghoul im talking to you guys /j okay dw
Tempted to go bald and really embrace the mental illness
My mandarin caused havoc on like seven people today lmao
It got everywhere holy shit
Actually about to fucjing cry i hate nkt being able to post shit whathefuck its only been a day but WHY
Found out one of shed eerans songs is like the most famous song in the world and i actually want to end my life oml
Im going to play bsd mayoi to distract myself from this sad fate
AXTUALLY SOBBING TUMBLR CAN YOU STOP PLAYING AND JUST LET ME POST SHIT
FUCK YOU TUMBLE
just kidding haha only joking ily bbgorl
Phobic? You think im scared
Parents will be like don’t do drugs and then make you want to do them
Boutta die im talking abt liking hot evil dilfs what has my life gone to without tumblr
Physically pained
Mentally drained
JESUS CHRIST I NEED TO SNEEZE BUT I CANT I ACTUALLY HATE THIS
Gender? Isn’t that a spice?
ACTUALLY FML MY COMPUTER IS 12% IM GOING TO CRY AL MY CLASEES REQUIRE A COMPUTER TODSAY FUYCKM
yet another day with a substitute who hates my guts for no reason (she has a reason) 
im probably going to go home i feel actually so sick rn 
WHATTHEFUCK I JUST SAW A MEME MY TEACHER SHOWED US IN IT WAS SHAKESPEAR GOING “i put the lit in literature” THATS IT IM JUMOING OUT THE WINDOW 
art = are
dost = do
doth = does
'ere = before
hast = have
'tis = it is
'twas = it was
wast = were
whence = from where
wherefore = why
nay = no
twas over yonder
LMAO FUCK TOU SCHOOL I’M LEAVING
OUT OF THAT HELL HOLE :D
Actually so happy i don’t need to do science now fuck yeah
GAH I FEEL LIKE SHIT LMAO
Im pretty sure everyone thinks im skipping fuck you guys im not
THE CICADAS ARE STILL HERE FUCK
I hate the invention of long hair we should all just cut off our hair my ling hair sucks
Stopped to say hi to the ants :D
What a great lifw we would have if we were all just… orbs floating through space
Now is not a good time to be walking on a bridge over a highway
We made it off the bridge without commiting ded :D
I hate walking slow holy shit
Time to go die in my bed because i can’t really post on here anymore and that makes me sad and want to die
Tumblr media
IHATEYOUIHATEYOU GO DIE IN A HOLE
AHIT AHIT SHIT AHIT SHIR MMY PARENTS WANT TO WATCH BUNGOU STRAY DOGS HOLU SHIT THEY WILL ACTUALLY HATE IT AND ME AND EVERYTHING AND MAKE ME SELL ALL MY MERCH HOMY SHIT IM ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE WHATTHEFUCK SOMEONE HELP
I need another post for that but tumblr is a bitch
ACTUALLY FUCK I SLEPT FOR LIKE FOUR HOURS I WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING STUDY FOR TEO TESTS HOLY SHIT AHHHHHH WHATTHEFUCK SOMEENE AHHH NI U HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO POST HERE WHATTEHECUKDS 
I WOKE UP AND I ACTUALLY FEEL SO SHIT LIKE I FEEL LIKE NOTHING MATTERS AND THERES NO POINT IN LIVING SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS HEADSPACE 
BRO THE ONLY THING THATS BEEN KEEPING ME GOING TODAY IS WAITING TILL 12 AM SO I CAN FUCKING POST SHIT I JAT THIS APP
I ALSO CANT EVEN FUCKING MAKE DRAFTS AND THAT MAKES ME WANT TO UNALIVE 
dont mind those last posts, anyways three more hours until you guys get mass chaos :D goodbye for now and i’ll see you when i can actually fuckin post
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tinydemondragon · 4 years ago
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thinking about dreamsmp instead of my homework and what annoys me about the fandom specifically and how it compares to what annoys me in book fandoms, particularly when it comes to character and character treatment.
so, bare with me here as this may not necessarily be coherent as I'm just mainly organizing my thoughts here. for comparison I'm going to be relating this to all for the game, henceforth aftg, as it's the book series I've been most obsessed with recently.
first, let's talk about story, particularly point of view and how it impacts a viewers thoughts/feelings on certain characters. for a book, you tend to only get one characters pov (in this case neil). you get to know this character and their thought processes really well, because that's all you know. but generally these characters aren't always right (if the story is good, anyway) and they often work with either a) not enough information or b) information that they believe to be true but isn't.
this means that these characters thoughts and feelings on a different character may not be fully fleshed out. more than that, as these characters don't know what they dont know, they often don't do care to dive into why someone is the way they is. and that's awesome! because it gives your mc nuance! it gives conflict! and sometimes they do actually learn more about that character and their view changes, which is a great way to show growth!
for example, Neil, at the beginning of the series, fucjing hates Andrew, and the audience totally gets why. I mean, their first interaction is neil being thwacked in the chest with a racket. not a great first interaction. not to mention, the violent rumors that are really only being reinforced by this interaction.
so neil, and by extension most of the audience, fucking hate Andrew. this is further reinforced by seemingly monstrous and over the top actions (drugging, breaking and entering, pulling a knife) that really don't put Andrew in a good light.
but over the course of the series, Neil sees the horrors Andrew had to face to be the way he is. Neil begins to understand Andrew, begins to like him (and love him, but thats a whoooole other convo within the fandom itself given the way love and healing from trauma is in the series it self). by the end of the series they're dating(? again, kind of hard to explain given the source material.)
point is, how the person you're reading the pov of impacts how you see the other characters. you start to develop ideas on these characters on the information presented to you in the emotional light given to you. I adore Andrew for example! but I also know if I had met him irl I'd probably hate him. because I wouldn't know him.
but the thing is, the opposite is true, too. you see this in Aaron, Andrew's twin, who neil really does not like. I wouldn't say he hates him but they get into more than one verbal fight, and they get into a physical at one point. and most of the fandom doesn't like him either! and this gets to the point I'm trying to make here.
the fandom doesn't like Aaron because neil doesn't. if you actually care enough to dive into his backstory, past the emotional veil that neil gives the reader, he's actually a sympathetic character who's just as deserving of redemption than Andrew if not more so imo
apply this to the dream smp.
for dsmp the best part about it is the wealth of character information you get due to the wealth of streams/content you get. for the most part people tend to pick one or two ccs/characters and stick to them for the sake of time and simplicity, but that doesn't mean that other information doesn't exist. unlike with book series, you can actually go and see their pov or read recaps or watch clips and get an actual sense for their motivations, without the cloudiness of you preferred characters emotions and the false or missing information they're working on.
this is where my grievance comes in. because I hate the fact that people can absolve Andrew of his actions but refuse to understand that you can do the same for Aaron. but at least I can understand that. most people don't want to analyze a story and analyze why they feel the way they do about a book character and you know what? more power to them! you're not required to do that to enjoy a book and you're allowed to find joy however you please.
and sometimes that means people do analysis of these characters and they don't separate the truth from what neil percieves to be true and its frustrating but damn if it isn't understandable. they're only working with one pov after all.
but dsmp? where (most) of the other povs are right there? where recaps and clips are right there? and you're still not bothering to see past what your preferred characters pov is? when even the ccs themselves admit they've got flawed views on what's happening and that their characters aren't always right (again, as it should be in any good story). no. im sorry but no.
again, I want to reiterate that you do NOT have to like these characters. I'm not a huge fan of Tommy's character tbh, but you know what? you also won't see me doing in depth character analysis of his whole character arc. maybe an interaction (see my post on trauma and his reaction to dream being in the house at technos) but I won't go in depth on his character motivations because I don't watch his pov! i don't watch clips or read recaps or any of that! so I know that my information is flawed and often incorrect!
you can still do these character analysis I suppose, but at least say from x characters pov this is how this character seems. because to not at least mention that is to do that character and that story a disservice and frankly I don't want to see it.
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wereg0blin · 7 years ago
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for the ask meme? all of them u thot
For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes
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tempest-speaks · 6 years ago
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Yore a horrible asshole who said and did horrible things to me and I fucking hate myself for all of it and I hope you see this I hope you fucking see his and I hope you remember every time that you told me that loving me was tricky, every time that you told me that you couldn’t deal with me rigt now I hope you fucking see this and I hope you know now at least all the horrible things you did and I hope I really really fucking hope that you’ve changed. Even the slightest bit I really do because at least that means you’re human. At least the means you’re not a monster. At least that means you’re CAPABLE of changes. I hope you remember every time you used your struggles as an excuse to drench me in pain and hurt and then wring me out and do it all over again. I hope you remember every time you used your suffering as an excuse to add to mine. Like I was just supposed to fucking take it because you were in pain. Because you thought I had done you wrong so you thought I should know in excruciating detail all the ways you had suffered by my hand well guess what I didn’t make you fall in love with me and I didn’t force you to be in a relationship with me you fucking narcissistic self pitying little shit. I hope you know you made me feel like I wasn’t fucking worthy of someone’s time and affection. I hope you know that you made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to share my pain with anyone. I didn’t wanna be a burden. I didn’t wanna be like you. That’s why I left that’s why I fucking left you. I never fucking loved you. I just knew you loved me and I needed to know that someone cared fucking anyone cared about me that anyone thought I was a good enough person to keep alive and fucking breathing. But you never did, did you? You never saw me as a good enough person you saw me as a fucking dragon that you fell in love with well NEWS FLASH I wasn’t the fucking monster in our relationship. I wasn’t the fucking abusive manipulative cunt. That was all you baby that was all fucking you! You killed us with always telling me that I didn’t love you that never would that you weren’t worthy of it DONT TELK SOMEONE REPEATEDLY THAT THEY DONT LOVE YOU. But you did you fucking did and you didn’t stop and so then I didn’t. I didn’t anymore. And I only cried for a day. I only cried for a day after I left. Sometimes I think I am a monster because of that. Sometimes I think I might actually be a sociopath. Unable to feel love. I think that because of you. And now it’s hurting me. I found the man I want to fuckin marry and you’re still fucking there at the back of my head telling me ALL THOSE FUCKING LIIES. AND ITS FUCKING WITH ME. WE WERE NEVER GONNA HAVE KIDS AND NOW I WANT THREE. And if YOU FUCKING FIND OUT YOURE GONBA LOOK AT THE PICTURES AND THINK THAT YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. Think THAT HE DOESNT KNOW THE REAL ME AND THAT HE NEVER WILL BT GUESS WHAT. I’m not YOURS ANYMORE. I HAVENT BEEN FOR A WHILE AND IM NOT THE SAME GIRL EITHER. SO. FUCKING PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. You fuCKING THINK ITS OKAY TO TELK YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND THAT YIU OH SO BADLY WABBA BE FUCKED BY OTHER DUDES? Like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU I HATED HEARING THAT. AND THEN YOU GO OFF TO COLLEGE AND IM FUCKING CONVICED THAT YOU WEEE CHEATING ON ME. And I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING GET AWAY WITH IT. ABD YOU THOUGHT I HAD CHEATED ON YOU WITH HIM OR THAT I LEFT YOU FOR HIM BUT I FUCKING DIDNT. YOU THOUGHT I WAS SUCH A LOW DOWN FILTHY WHORE AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR ANY OF THAT. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YIU FOR ANYTHING YOU DID TO ME. I FUCKING THOUGHT YIU WERE DEAD AND I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO FUCKING STAY CALM AND FUCJING TRY AND SAVE YOU AND YOU TOKD ME I RUINED YOURE FUCKING LIFE. WELL MAYBE YIU SHOULDBT HAVE GIVEN THE FUCKING IMPRESSION THAT YIU WERE OVERDOSING. I MEAN COME ON YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING STUPID. YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. AND I
WILL
NEVER
FORGIVE
YOU.
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