#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.

First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.

Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.

Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.

[ikamigami]

I wanna hear your rant. It's okay to let it out.

Thank you, dear anon 💗

I think that situation with Sun is more complicated than what I said in response to that post about how protagonists are acting awfully, no better than villains..

I don't know how many of my posts about Sun did you see but Sun was laughing at villains, yes but he did that mostly in reaction videos and I don't even remember him mocking villains mental state.. or anything like that..

Sun has every right to express his disdain for Eclipse and BM and I don't like how people often act like he doesn't or it's okay with Lunar or it's apparently okay for Eclipse to mocks Solar's death..

Whenever Sun called Eclipse insane it wasn't in a mocking manner.. he didn't want to listen to Eclipse, understandably and he also didn't want Moon to talk to Eclipse and be angry..

Moon's anger was even more of a reason why Sun tried to dismiss Eclipse's words by calling him insane than that he didn't want to listen to Eclipse because Sun is scared of Moon's anger.. Again very understandably..

I know that people can and have right to be upset at Sun for saying to Eclipse that he should kill himself.. That wasn't okay for Sun to say.. But Sun's anger is understandable..

But I think that there's more to that because for me Sun didn't sound angry in a "I'm fed up with you and your shit, get lost" type of way.. for me Sun sounded tired.. And I think that what he told Eclipse was sitting in him for quite some time and he was holding it all in himself..

Someone could say that "but Sun already said his piece of mind to Eclipse when he told him that he has nothing etc" which is true.. but here's the thing.. I think that Sun's words weren't meant for Eclipse.. he was talking about himself..

I know that it probably sounds ridiculous but I'm truly convinced that Sun has a hard time to differentiate between Eclipse that we see and the Eclipse he hears and sees in his head (the voice in his head)..

Also I think that Sun puts a tough guy persona act in front of some characters such as Eclipse.. just like Earth said about Jax from The Amazing Digital Circus when she reacted to it with Sun.. Earth said that Jax still cares but he puts a tough guy persona act so he wouldn't get hurt by all this madness..

And because we can see that Sun cares and can't stop caring and that he suffers because of this.. I think that he decided to put a tough guy persona act so he could pretend that he can't be hurt anymore by people like Eclipse for example.. and even more so because he doesn't want to show that he's hurt..

I think that Sun more than anything else tries to convince himself, even more than other characters such as Eclipse, that he isn't good because he believes himself to be evil..

Or that's what I think it is..

I think that Sun's dream proves that he sees that Eclipse is different and that he believes that not only Eclipse but also BM and even Creator can change..

His traumatised mind shows his desire to see them turning good and apologizing for their wrongdoings and to be the part of his family..

Yes, even Creator because remember how Sun didn't told Moon that Creator was in their house and called himself a grandpapa to Sun's cats.. I think that it struck Sun right through his heart (in positive sense, I mean)..

Though when Sun woke up from his dream he quickly dismissed it and wanted to forget about it.. and I think that's because he tries to deny his own kind nature..

But why, you may ask.. I think that Sun is doing this because like I said he tries to convince himself that he's bad..

I think that what Sun told Earth at second therapy session is a proof that he believes himself to be evil or at least that he's a cause of everything bad that happened to his family..

Because remember that Sun said that he sometimes wonders if it'd be better if Moon and him never separated? It's a callback to the episode where Sun went to a dimension where they didn't separate and Moon killed him there.. This heavily implies that Sun thinks that it'd be better if he was dead.. Because what he later told Earth? That if they didn't separate most of these things could've been avoided - these things which are their problems.. which again with known context heavily implies that if Sun was dead none of this would've happened.. They wouldn't have that many problems if he died in the right moment..

Even his response to Earth saying that it's beneficial that Sun is independent individual tells us that Sun doesn't agree with it.. His only response was "yeah.. yeah.." But it sounded almost as if Sun was sceptical about it but because he didn't want to argue with Earth he just resignedly agreed.. because what could he possibly tell her?

That's why he says things like I want them dead - about Eclipse and BM and Creator.. to convince himself that he's bad..

And his dream tells us what he really wants but he denies all of this for himself.. because he isn't good.. Just like hallucination of Old Moon told him that he's no different than him, that he's just like him which means that Sun thinks like that about himself because it's all in his head..

I also think that Sun could possibly laugh at villains and say some things to not oppose Moon because like I said he's scared of Moon's anger.. he's scared of causing Moon to be angry..

I don't like when people lump Sun with characters like Moon or Monty who treats villains harshly and mock their mental state.. because Sun isn't like that.. we never saw him acting like that..

I'm glad that Eclipse understood why Sun was angry and that he let him let it all out.. He didn't even interrupt when Sun was talking.. And he didn't sound as mocking as he's when he talks to Moon..

Even his remarks didn't had as much bite to them as they usually had when he was talking to Sun.. You can call me crazy but I think that Eclipse cares about Sun but he has a hard time to show him this side of himself, understandably..

I wish that some fans could also understand Sun more just like Eclipse did..

I think that's all that I wanted to say.. I hope this response satisfy you, dear anon ^^

If not, go ahead and ask me more questions :)

And I hope that I didn't do too many mistakes and that what I said isn't confusing.. QwQ

[tasmanianstripes]

Re that post about content warnings...

I suspect I'm the person you saw reblog this--and I think that some of the OPs original point/intention might have been lost. It is mostly to emphasize that there's some degree of responsibility on the reader -- by this I mean, you can't get mad at an author for hiding behind tags like "creator chose not to use content warnings." It's kind of a two way street. Because if you put "cw: (triggering thing)" it protects the people who are avoiding it--- but it also may spoil the story for the people who arent. This can be problematic if that major content is actually a huge plot element and having it spoiled kind of removes the shock reaction that comes.

I'm of the opinion personally that people can and should use creator chose not to use warnings and then just a vague "this is going to deal with problematic content that could trigger you; be in a good headspace to consume" type note at the start of its something specific. I reblogged because I really wish more authors would lean into that tag function; it exists to protect both reader and writer, lets us keep our spoilers and surprises while alerting the reader that There May Be Dragons here.

Anyway, I know you don't want discourse and I'm hoping this ask just clarifies why I reblogged it rather than sounding disrespectful in any way. If you wanna reply feel free, but you don't gotta. I just felt bad when I read your post, thought you might have misunderstood my intent behind the reblog, and really wanted to explain myself.

Oh no it wasn't from you, and I totally agree with you!

This is why I mentioned that option of AO3 too because I think it's a good compromise, it doesn't spoil the story but also makes it so people know there might be some potentially triggering things if you read it. When you click on that you kind of accept that risk.

I was more so talking about when there's no warning at all, not even "Hey this has some triggering stuff in it but I can't say what because that's a spoiler, read at your own risk", and my absolute frustration with it. If that is not what OP meant then my bad, but that post came off as also defending that, mainly thanks to the inclusion of the line (paraphrasing) "the author only has the obligation to add the trigger warnings the website they're posting to requires them to" which in cases for websites like Tumblr is none (or was none for a very, very long time (untagged graphic SA fics in the Moomins tags my beloathed)) and is generally a problem where websites don't really have filters like AO3. If it's only about AO3's option to not include warnings and an AO3 post that broke containment then I agree (and my bad also), because it's clear when there are triggering subjects and the author simply chose not to include them vs if there are no triggering subjects.

I still take issues with the wording even then though, though this feels like a nitpick and I generally don't like nitpicking people over wording they use. I'm just generally frustrated because it feels like the discussion of trigger warnings is about courtesy and comfort when treating it like it is is massively underselling it and feels like intentionally picking the words to trivialise the issue and making the people who need them out to be needy and nuisances. Trigger warnings are an accessibility feature, and I'm tired of people boiling it down to simply comfort of the reader, it feels like accessibility is always an afterthought and even a nuisance to some people to deal with. It's genuinely frustrating, and maybe my personal experiences affected my reading of that post.

Sorry if my post upset you also! I admit I was pretty frustrated when writing it so I wasn't the most polite. I totally agree with you here though.

[pastabeer]

Got tea, time for musical worms again.

Tree Hugger by Kimya Dawson & Antsy Pants, specifically because one part is about a snake wanting arms to hug a cactus. The want to give affection goes against the dislike for affection or physical contact, extra points for if the one who dislikes the affection is touch starved :)

The Red Means I Love You by Madds Buckley, it's mostly obsessive in a way, plus it's most just based on a character who drinks blood. Not a big fan of anime, but that song is nice.

Puppet Boy by DEVO, it's like The Fine Print to me, that in itself started an idea like the AI idea, but it's just worm Anon being in the blog like an employee, albeit an unwilling one.

Big Dick by Little Big, this one is a joke, but I feel like it fits the people who want worm sex.

ぴぽぴぽ by Serani Poji, sorta sad when you understand it. Then again, I'm just easy to upset, so that could just be me.

Bonfire by Childish Gambino, it's barely related, I just enjoy the song. Hehe :)

Make of This What You Will by Billy Cobb, sounds like another worm Anon drug trip, and I love it. Seriously, I don't even understand the lyrics but all I know is the lyrics "a sea of yellow fishes that need alcohol to breathe" – "I'm floating through marshmallows with koalas by my side" – "nobody can see me cause I've stolen all their eyes, and if you want them back you'll have to eat McDonald's fries" makes me think of worm Anon, I need whatever they are on.

The Future by Mystery Skulls, for the love of Satan this song is unexplainably worm-coded, mostly worm PastaBeer, in a good way. I would rather publicly commit suicide than say I hate Mystery Skulls, and it won't be a fast suicide.

On the topic of Mystery Skulls, might as well add these.

Hellbent by Mystery Skulls (featuring Snowblood), my unholy HELL that song is fucking amazing and I'm going to shive it onto these fucking worms.

Freaking Out by Mystery Skulls, worm Anon after figuring out they were stuck with a cannibalistic worm. That's all I have to say.

Meant to Be Yours, yes, the Heathers song. Hey, can you blame me? Mentally ill and morally fucked worm trying to convince mentally ill and morally decent worm fighting over whether or not they should blow up some place! One fakes suicide :D

Ms. Led by Jack Stauber, wonky song, but it's actually kind of sad if you think about it, and the lyrics. Like most songs by Jack.

On the topic of Jack Stauber, here's some more probably unrelated songs!

Inchman by Jack Stauber, it's seen as an abusive relationship, so there's some angst, too. Seeing as some lyrics are "hits me, hurts me, wants me hurting wrong!" and such, I can see it.

Windrag by Jack Stauber, it's about a plane crash. It's theorized that the pilot fell asleep, resulting in the crash, seeing as the lyrics say stuff like "I used to listen to the morning, but crash landing came without warning. I really tried my best, but the trip was put to rest, can't sleep now the birds are chirping." most people say that the pilot fell asleep listening to background noise, and when he woke back up, he tried to pull the plane back unti flight. Although the pilot survived, he has to live with the guilt.

Stutter by Jack Stauber, it's just worm Anon in my eyes. They seem like the type to stutter, no offense, I enjoy people who stutter, they can be nice.

As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It by Lemon Demon, worm PastaBeer getting tired of the stupid Hell baby worms... Or worm Anon, we never confirmed the father

The Fox's Wedding by MASA WORKS DESIGN, a forbidden love that is twisted and cannibalistic where the fox lures in prey just to eat them. Seems close enough, yeah? Ignoring the fact that it implies PastaBeer worm seduced worm Anon to eat them, who in return begs to be eaten. Unless you're kinky like that, I can't stop you.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths, because mythology is fun. Plus, I enjoy the song itself and thinking of French worms is fun :)

IFHY by Tyler, The Creator and Pharrell Williams, sounds like Bipolar disorder and obsession mixed. Specifically Bipolar disorder, with the eh... "Favorite person" thing and such, can't say shit though, I'm Bipolar. Makes me think of the worms in the idea of Bipolar disorder, although this song in itself just suits the worms in the sense of obsession. The sense I like best, too. Hehe, worms.

The Red Means I Love You is one of my favorites

[mydarlingedits]

No, I'm upset. I need more room. Fuck it. Post time.

You do realize you "not focusing" on the trans part doesn't make it any better right? You're still making up an issue. I didn't "boil down" Laios's character at fucking all. I just took a shot of him from the show, put flags behind it, and made a shitty joke in the caption. I took canon footage that I related to, as an autistic individual, and made an edit of it.

You have to realize even if you aren't purposely being transphobic you still are by targeting queer creators and their interpretations spefifically.

I glanced at your blog and I'm the ONLY one you've said anything like this one from my quick search. You HAVE to understand the micro aggressions are still there. You didn't comment on au fanart and get upset about it. So you obviously don't mind messing with canon. You have to understand how your actions make you look.

Also saying you only support headcanons of "they come from the right spot" is also inheritly queerphobic because you're implying people can only interpret or have fun with certain characters certain ways if it's implied enough. You're saying no one can just have fun. It HAS to come from the story somewhere. That being queer isn't just something you are. It's a story mechanic.

Again. Do you lack joy and whimsy? Because it sounds like you do.

You could've made your own post about being tired of the community just watering him down to an autistic white baby who can't do anything wrong, because a good chunk of the fandom does do that, I've seen it. But instead you decided to attack a queer focused edit that had NOTHING to do with Laios's actual character and personality at all. Read the room. Understand why I'm upset.

I don't care if it wasn't on purpose. You were still an asshole. Get better.

I'm not trying to pass anything off as canon either, so once again, you're making up a problem and projecting it onto me and my post.

Also it's just fucking ignorant to claim "you can't be a fan of this and be xyz" because yes you fucking can. It does NOTHING but let actual people like that stay hidden in the community. There's no canon trans rep in DM as far as I know, you can very much be a DM fan and transphobic. Even in medias with canon trans characters people are still transphobic. Stop fucking speaking over us. God.

This is rambley and long and might not make sense but whatever. I'm sick and tired of people pretending like they're doing something good and hiding their queerphobia behind it.

STIMMY TRANS LAOIS ICONS

{T}(S)He{y} go stimmy [/sil] ᯓᡣ𐭩

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Requested by 𓇿 no one .ᐟ

        𐙚˙⋆.˚ Date Posted 𓇿 6/26/24 .ᐟ

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Terms of use 𓇿 Free with Credit .ᐟ

[PLAIN TEXT: 'op is an adult' on the top left, and 'No DNI ! Just be nice' on the bottom right].

[lunannex]

Character Design of Latinos 

by a Latina who is tired of y'all not doing your research.

—————

First of all, please keep in mind that I don't speak for anyone but myself. You should never stop at just one source of information, and I would honestly really advise you to listen to other Latinos —especially other Latinos of color— to hear their thoughts and perspectives as well. And second, please remember that Latino is not a race! I can't believe I even have to say this, but the term refers to anyone who is from Latin American or who has Latin American heritage or descent and should never be referenced as a race. Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's dive right into it!

—————

People don't seem to realize that Latinos can come in all shapes, colors and sizes. People like Sofia Vergara and Michael Peña shouldn't be your only source of reference when trying to figure out what you want your character to look like. As I mentioned here, Latinos are diverse not just in our cultures but also in our appearances and, contrary to popular belief, we're not a monolith of people that all look alike. Latin Americans, just like every other ethnic group, have an incredible amount of genetic diversity.

Don't believe me? Just look at all these people:

Now, what do they have in common? They're all Latinos. See how they all have different skin tones, facial structures, hair textures and body types? Yeah, they don't look the same to me.

A character's design can reflect their personality and give the audience a good idea of who they are as people. And just as whatever languages a Latino does or doesn't know shouldn't invalidate their identity, neither should their appearance.

The thing about character design when it comes to marginalized groups is that it goes hand-in-hand with all the stereotypes that are constantly perpetuated. 

Why are Afro-Latinos only portrayed as maids, nannies or drug dealers? Why are the Latinos that look like Michael Peña portrayed as violent or lazy? Why are they always the comedic relief, immigrants or people with a lower-class status? Why are the Latinas that look like Sofia Vergara and JLo portrayed as spicy and exotic mistresses? I mean, we obviously know why, but I'm just saying, if that's what you think all Latinos are like then you are in desperate need of a wake up call.

There's this huge misunderstanding of the Latino identity. The misconception that we all have the same tanned skin tone, the same facial structures, body types, hair textures, personalities, etc. when that's...really not the case. Society has taught a lot of people that if our appearances don't fit in with this unrealistic ideal they have of us, our identities are therefore invalidated. And this misconception causes Black, Indigenous and Mixed Latinos to be underrepresented or entirely dismissed in media and society in general more often than not. 

I want to add that while white Latinos' identities do get invalidated from time to time as well —I say this because one of my best friends is a white Latino but since he's, well, white, some people don't seem to believe him and just seem to think that he's joking—, it's not nearly to the same extent as the types of Latinos that I mentioned beforehand do. White Latinos still hold a lot of privilege in society despite this.

Also just an important note that you should keep in mind and take into consideration: just because a Latino is white doesn't mean that they don't or can't have features that are more frequently associated with their ethnicity.

It's alright to portray light-skinned Latinos. Like I said, we're very diverse. But you have to question your reason for making the character have that skin color. Remember, you are the creator. You're the one in control of all these decisions and if all of your characters are portrayed as light-skinned people then you really have to take a step back and reevaluate your decisions because that right there sounds a lot like colorism. 

When you say you want more Latino representation, you should be referring to all kinds of Latinos. You shouldn't just mean the ones that you and the rest of society consider acceptable. And no, it's not exactly your responsibility to create diverse characters, but if you're preaching about diversity and sitting on your high horse then I sure do hope that you're willing to actually do something about it. Performative activism is harmful and, at the end of the day, does absolutely nothing if you're not willing to put the work into it.

Additionally, don't be afraid of implementing aspects of their culture into their design. Let them be proud of their culture, let them engage in it. However! Please don't take this as an excuse to center their entire personality around their culture. You may think you're doing something when, really, you aren't. You're just feeding into all the harmful stereotypes and not making any actual effort to add real depth to your character (looking at all the people that make celebrating Día de los Muertos, eating tacos, and liking "Gasolina" and "Despacito" their character's only defining personality traits).

Personally, I would love to see more of the following:

• A thin-lipped and curly-haired Latina.

• A Latino with freckles. This one may seem strange but most of the time I just see Latinos with moles, not that there's anything wrong with that (I have a lot of them myself), but it'd be nice to see some variation.

• For a Latina to be considered beautiful without being fetishized and objectified.

• A Latino who doesn't fit the "sexy macho" stereotype to be considered desirable.

• More LGBTQ+ Latinos, especially ones who are POC.

• Black, Indigenous, Asian and Mixed Latinos.

• Disabled Latinos.

• Jewish Latinos.

• Muslim Latinos.

• Latinos with different body types.

• Soft-spoken Latinos.

• Successful Latinos who are well-off.

• Latinos who are allowed to be emotionally vulnerable.

• Latinos with complex storylines and realistic flaws.

• Latinos at the center of the story instead of just existing in the background for the sake of "diversity".

• Just more positive and diverse representation overall.

There's not enough positive portrayals out there of us, and it's exhausting having to sit back and watch as my people get portrayed so negatively. Am I saying that there's no good representation out there for us? No, there absolutely is good representation (ex. In The Heights, On My Block, One Day at a Time, Coco, Miles Morales, Luz Noceda from The Owl House, the Molina family from Julie and the Phantoms, etc.), but that doesn't take away from the fact that a lot of the representation that we have throughout all types of media is, for a lack of better word, bad.

And you can't just say, "Oh, but at least you have representation, can't you be at least a little grateful? Why are you complaining so much?" because you don't get to decide what people are and aren't allowed to be upset about. Despite the positive representation that exists out there, it tends to be overshadowed seeing as a lot of people still view us through this negative lense that they've consistently been told to believe is true when it's really not.

All types of Latinos deserve to be represented in a positive light. So make sure the character you're portraying feels like an actual person as opposed to an offensive one-dimensional caricature because sometimes having bad representation is worse than having no representation at all.

[sunfoxfic]

Okay so I have a come across a lot of stuff in the last half and hour and I just want to about it

I came across a lot people being tired of people vague posting about them, and some even leaving the fandom.

Now, I will be frank here. I have vague posted before. I haven't dropped names (which makes me uncomfortable because Idc about WHO says it, WHAT they say is what makes me mad and vaguepost).

This is just my opinion and maybe it is wrong, but I think as long as we are not going into who posted the thing, or just saying "X person is stupid for saying this!" And point at a particular person, vague posting can be relieving. Of course, when you are at the recieving end of it, it is anything but relieving and it makes you upset, but on the other hand it is somewhat better than going and arguing with the person who is definitely not going to change your or their mind.

Or if you are like me - I hate arguements. I come here to have a good time and vibe, not to debate about stuff. Of course, critical thinking is mandatory, and I know to spot problematic elements. But I don't like getting involved in the, "Was this a good writing decision?" Sort of debates because 1. I don't know anything about writing, I lack experience and I can't judge, and 2. I just don't really...care?

In this sort of cases, I'd just rather vaguepost about the post which made me super mad and let it all out. And usually I even delete it before anyone else sees it.

Fandom is a place to have fun. People are going to have different opinions than me, and they may disagree with me. And when someone disagrees so much, it comes off as defensive, but they may just have thought about the counter argument for ages. Maybe they just coincidentally posted it after I posted your post. That doesn't make it vague posting.

Sure, vague posting maybe isn't something I would call nice. But sometimes it becomes stop hard to keep it all in. Sometimes it starts affecting you. Letting it out actually makes it easier to forget.

It's just that I saw people being too upset about the fandom being so "defensive" and basically saying: Vague posting is BAD! But it sometimes helps me and I just...what are your thoughts on this?

Let's ignore for a moment that I maintain a not-unsizeable vaguepost tag myself. A couple weeks ago, a blog I follow and I were in conversation on a Discord server, and I said something. Less than an hour later, they vagueposted about the same topic of the thing I'd said, complaining about not-really what I'd said but kinda what I'd said. It was clearly not a coincidence.

You wanna know what I did?

I DM'd them. I said, "Hey, was this thing about me? I'm sorry if what I said upset you. I understand why you interpreted my words that way but I agree with you and I'll try not to make it sound that way next time." And we handled it civilly. I agreed with this person, and now I'm going to be more careful with my words on the subject, because I didn't realize how upsetting what I said could be, and I was wrong. They explained that it wasn't really about me, that what I said reminded them of someone else who they really didn't like, and that they were glad I was considering their words.

I maintain a consistent vaguepost tag on here because I make vagueposts all the time and I know people may want to filter them out of their dash.

In the past (less so this month than months prior, but that's the exception, not the rule) I've been really loud about ML fandom salt. And sometimes that means vagueposting about certain blogs or certain creators. Because I'm not going to speak up about (random fanartist living off of Patreon) or (fan writer who has a day job as a receptionist) the same way I'm going to speak up about Astruc, or Zag, or one of the actors on the show, or whoever. It's not the same and I refuse to callout someone so blatantly.

And yeah, anon, I think that fandom should be a place to have fun, and the assumption that if you aren't constantly kicking and screaming and arguing against the terrible horrible things that go on in canon and the fandom is a super bad faith assumption. You don't have to constantly talk about being a good person to be a big person. And I drafted a post which I won't be posting until next month because I'm not posting fandom salt this month (with the exception of asks, of course) but the gist of it was: "There are way too many people in this fandom who will salt the show then turn around and maintain the status quo of a canon that they hate, and that's fucking hypocritical."

If you're going to complain about how racist it was for Marinette to be designed with blue eyes, then stop drawing/describing her with blue eyes! Which, you know, is a thing that people do, but the vast majority of people who do it don't draw attention to the way they do it. Or if you're going to complain about lack of LGBTQ representation, and how Marcnath and Julerose were done so dirty? Then you better be creating Marcnath and Julerose content, because if you're not, then you're complaining about canon while doing the exact same thing as canon.

Some people will die on the hill that canon is horrible terrible no good very bad and that if you don't constantly talk about it you're just as horrible, and then they'll.... make fanworks that are just as bad as canon for the same reasons, but it's okay that according to their own logic it's sexist/racist/homophobic/etc. because they're just copying canon.

So yeah, I fully believe that you don't have to be constantly debating, loudly, about the merits of every piece of canon and fanwork that you see, and in general, I find that the people who are loudest about that are typically not the people who are actually challenging the way they use canon in their fanworks. And yeah, I'm vagueing some people by saying that; what are they gonna do, cry about it?

If anyone tells you that you shouldn't vaguepost, then just block them and move on. Maybe unfollow the person who put that post on your dash, or see if it was tagged in any particular way that you can filter out. Because constantly involving yourself in discourse doesn't make you a better person, and you have nothing to prove to strangers online.

(Though, I will say that there's something to be said about keeping your venting about strangers online private. There's one fuckwad in this fandom that my non-ML friends all know about because I've complained about him so goddamn much to them. Keeping negativity out of the fandom is a valid thing to strive for, and I'm not saying you shouldn't vaguepost on any moral ground, but I am saying that this month has forced me multiple times to post positivity in lieu of negativity, and I don't think that's a terrible mindset to have, especially when it comes to how you're spreading negativity to other people.)

[zukoshotleafjuice]

The funniest thing about june teasing katara and zuko about being a couple is that she just sees a pretty girl and an attractive guy, both looking almost the same age which immediately makes her go "you two must be a couple" and it just reminds me of zvtara shippers, you know what i mean? I'm convinced one of the reasons a lot of ppl ship them is bc of their looks. katara being the female protagonist and also a pretty, smart and powerful girl & zuko, despite not being the male protagonist, being the most attractive guy in the gaang. Boom, a "bomb ass ship". It is worth to recall that "people ship zutara bc they projected onto katara and had a crush on zuko". And if they say they don't ship them for that reason, then it's bc they read too much between the lines in every interaction they have. So, back to june, she didn't even care if they had chemistry or if they were friends or anything, she just straight up teased them about being a couple lmao. Because in all honesty zvtara can be an appealing ship in anyone's eyes but THAT'S IT, it doesn't go further than that. I can be testimony of that😅Before even watching the show i was like june, one day i saw a zk fanart and was like "wow aren't those zuko and katara from atla? They look so good, she's gorgeous and he's hot" i already knew kataang was endgame and that mai was zuko's love interest but seeing zuko and katara together was pleasing to my eyes. However once i watched the show for the first time (2 months ago i think) i realized there was really no romantic chemistry between them, nothing, literally nothing, i mean, i wasn't even waiting for the zvtara content in the show that made ppl ship them so much, i was actually very neutral about ships, i couldn't care less about them, but i still realized nothing was happenig between them and that it was obvious since book 1 ep 1 that kataang was endgame. Zuko and katara were two teenagers from opposite sides of a war that tried to kill each other multiple times and when zuko changed sides they developed a completely platonic relationship. As i said, people either ship them because it's an appealing and aesthetically pleasing ship (water/fire, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, the common red & blue ship) or they just love reading too much between the lines, OR BOTH, because they were so thirsty about it they ended up convincing themselves there was romantic tension between them, that they liked each other and that zvtara was scrapped when it was never planned in the first place. Not to mention the reasons why they claim zvtara should've been endgame are based only on symbolism and things they have in common that are just so ??? Random. e.g. (i saw these on a post on facebook and the comment section was hilarious, it was full of ppl being sarcastic about it & making fun of it) saying they should've been canon bc:

1. "They both lost their mothers at a young age" (?)

2. "katara was good but had rage in her heart and zuko was bad but had good in his heart so it was like yin and yang, and that was the main purpose/topic of the show" (?)

3. "they both had alter egos (painted lady and blue spirit)" (???) this one sounds like saying maiko was canon bc zuko worked in a tea shop and mai worked in a flower shop😂

4. "Zuko was the only one who supported katara in taking revenge on her mom's assassin" (?) if you ask me, that just proves zuko is not right for katara, he led her to do something she was gonna regret later (not trying to hate on zuko, i love him, and since i love him i acknowledge his flaws. I understand why he thought it was the best thing to do, he's an impulsive and resentful boy (he would've done the same if it was his mom) and he noticed how thirsty katara was for revenge, ofc he wanted to help her + he wanted her to accept him and thought it was the right thing to do in order to gain her trust, but it wasn't) unlike zuko, aang tried to make katara come to her senses and do the thing that was best for her: forgive and let go, and it was basically what she did at the end. She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.

5. and the most ridiculous one, "they both saved each other's lives in the final agni kai"(???????) and the funniest part is that it was followed by "WHAT MORE PROOFS DO YOU WANT???". Honestly wtf did ppl expect? Did they expect zuko to stand there and watch katara die? Did they expect katara to just stand there and watch zuko lay on the floor & die? And this has been said a million times and i am going to join and say it once again: zuko would've done that for ANYONE from the gaang, he would've done the same for toph, sokka, suki and aang. Because he learned to care about them. As for katara, she would've done that for anyone too wtf she healed aang once too and even brought him back to life. (I wouldn't be surprised if zk shippers used that as a parallel for romantic zvtara proof bc they're just like that💀)

There were more "reasons" but they're just so stupid and taken out of context like "they care for each other" & "katara was the one who encouraged him to talk to his uncle" like yeah that's what friends do. Basically all zvtara shippers do is REACH.

Also, i just can't see it happening. I like the enemies to lovers trope, maybe if the writers really intended to make it canon, i would have been down for the ship, it would've been interesting to see how it developed, but,, they didn't, and later i came to the realization that if it would've really happened, it would've been so... weird. Time to bring up the "colonized and colonizer ship" and how some ppl feel uncomfortable about it. Besides the fact that a relationship between zuko and katara wouldn't have worked (they're incompatible af, katara is a girl with a strong character and zuko is a guy with anger issues that takes everything personal, they'd be at each other's throats 99% of the time) it's just weird to think that katara would choose to marry a man from the fire nation, the nation that caused a big war that traumatized her, the nation that took her mother away from her. Imagine katara ruling along with zuko a nation she despised for years. Fire lady katara doesn't sit right with me, and i'm sure it doesn't sit right with a lot of ppl as well. I don't see katara doing that, and yes, i know she forgave zuko, but still, she would've never done that 🤦🏽‍♀️ i think it would've been so OOC tbh.

Another thing i laugh my ass off at is when they say "zuko should've chosen katara instead of mai" as if they were ever in a relationship for zuko to say "ok imma choose katara i wanna be with her". As if katara was EVER an option for him. They never showed interest in each other, what's not clicking?????? And zuko only had eyes for mai, not to mention that despite zuko and mai had a rough relationship, no girl would've dealed with zuko's bs better than mai. Can you imagine katara dealing with zuko blowing up over everything? Because i can't. Also people saying things like "zuko deserves someone who is always there for him and listens to him" (and ofc they're talking about katara) like, ok, you hate that katara is aang's "therapist" but you want her to be zuko's therapist. Logic? Where? And I do remember mai being a supportive gf and trying to cheer him up multiple times. Did they watch the same show as me?

Zvtarians try to play the victims about how they were "robbed" bc some voice actors shipped them and from what i've read people who worked for the show suggested to go for zk, but that's stupid, it doesn't count as "they planned it but scrapped it, we were robbed". The only word that counts are the creators' voice and they have stated they were always rooting for kataang, so no, you were not robbed.

People are just so in love with the idea of zuko and katara together they really convinced themselves it was likely to happen. Honestly zvtara it's a fine ship as fanon but ppl ruined it for me and what i hate the most is when they ship it and hate on aang and mai at the same time and make them look SO bad to invalidate kataang and maiko. Saying aang is abusive and mai is toxic is complete ✨bullshit✨ and lastly, it's ridiculous when they say the creators were cowards for not making it canon. They're cowards for not fulfilling your greatest childhood wish? Something they never planned? It is THEIR show. If you hate sm how things turned out then quit atla once and for all and go find another show that you know is gonna give you what you expect,,, it's tiring that they've been crying about it for 15 yrs , like, i joined the fandom recently but i can imagine how tired old atla fans must be of this.

OK so I have a lot of thoughts about this and firstly,,,anon I appreciate the dedication that it took for you to write  this, and I agree with many of your points. However, the attitude I have on this blog towards Avatar ships is far more neutral than what you’re saying.

Ultimately, romance is not and never was the focus of Avatar. Romantic development was always secondary or tertiary plot, and the entire show was far more focused on platonic relationship development. My attitude towards shippers on here - including Zutara shippers - is that people can ship what they want, as long as they’re respectful of each other and of the other characters that “interfere” with their ship. End of the day, shipping is irrelevant to the core of the show. 

People shipping something because they find it aesthetically appealing is honestly,,,fine. Personally, I think it’s reductionist, but I don’t care if you do because everyone has the right to enjoy media however they want to. 

That being said, we absolutely should call out racist or problematic tropes that we see, including ‘fire lady katara”. I also agree that it’s upsetting when people bash other characters in order to further their ship, as much of the bashing is also pretty racist and/or misogynistic. Calling that out, however, is separate from calling out every single person who happens to enjoy certain ships. 

“She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.”

I understand where you’re coming from, but I honestly disagree with this take. Both Aang and Zuko were approaching the situations from their own life experiences, but Katara didn’t do what either of the boys wanted. She chose her own path, by both sparing Yon Rha’s life but also refusing to forgive him. The episode is about Katara and her personal trauma and its focus should not be on her relationships with either Zuko or Aang. 

When I make posts such as this, it’s less about hating Z*tara and more about how this fandom focuses all its attention on romance and shipping, to the point where if you acknowledge a relationship’s importance it’s assumed you pair the two romantically. I don’t read Zuko and Katara’s relationship as romantic (for reasons that it would take too long to explain here), but their relationship development is extremely important, the two of them share tons of parallels and the final Agni Kai marks the culmination of both of their character arcs. Yes, Zuko would have taken the lightning for any of the characters, but it’s thematically important that it was Katara. None of this inherently means it’s romantic, but refusing to acknowledge the significance of the relationship between them is equally reductionist. 

This isn’t an attack on you, anon, and you’re 100% allowed to have negative feelings about a ship. But at the end of the day, it’s not worth getting this worked up over. If I were you I’d focus more on creating/consuming content for a ship you like than bashing ships you don’t!

[melodiouswhite]

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 32

32. Sympathy and tenderness

(A/N: Excessive mention of rape. Sorry.)

Hyde had no bloody clue, how he'd managed to drag himself all the way home, being in the agony he was. But somehow he had.

When he finally entered Jekyll's house, he slammed the back door shut after himself and fell to his knees from exhaustion and pain.

“Jekyll?”, he called out hoarsely, “Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you”, his creator’s voice answered.

His reflection in the mirror morphed into that of Jekyll, who stepped out of the mirror with a sombre expression.

Hyde smiled bitterly. “What's with that face, Doctor? You look as if you actually feel bad for me!”

“I do, Hyde”, the older whispered gently, “Believe it or not, I feel almost as horrible about it as you do.”

The brunette laughed: “It's kind of funny. I'm depraved to the core, but I've never felt so impure and defiled in my entire life.”

“Me neither”, Jekyll agreed sadly, “After all, we're in the same boat. I … I came out as a shadow, when I sensed that you weren't feeling well. I saw everything … oh, Edward, it was so awful!”

Hyde looked at him in surprise. “Why the hell are you crying?!”

“No, the real question is, why are you not?”

The smaller man ground his teeth. “Crying is for the weak.”

The blond shook his head. “Hyde, it's not like you to pretend. You don't have to be strong. Not now, not here, not in front of me. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry.”

Hyde tried not to, he really did.

But it was impossible.

He was hurting in every way, humiliated, angry, upset and just wanted it to stop.

He began to sob.

Jekyll took him in his arms and they both wept.

It was late afternoon, when their crying subsided and Hyde sat on the floor alone, desperate for shelter and comfort.

By this time Jekyll was no longer corporeal. He had kept that form up as long as he could, but it had taken too much energy and he'd been forced to return into Hyde's head.

“He-Henry”, he croaked, “E-everything hurts … what do I do?”

“You need medical attention”, Jekyll answered tiredly, “I can't help you. So you have only one option.”

Hyde's eyes widened in horror. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes.”

“But … Lanyon … he will …”

“He won't judge. Not you. It wasn't your fault.”

Jekyll sounded so confident, that he gave in.

Lanyon had just seen off the last patient, when his butler informed him, that a visitor was waiting in the parlour.

The hoary doctor frowned. “A visitor without notice?”

“The young man probably has a good reason for that”, the butler replied, “He looks absolutely awful.”

That got his attention. He went to the parlour hoping, that it wasn't who he feared it was.

Alas, he was disappointed, when he came in and found Edward Hyde waiting.

He wanted to make a snarky remark, but then he saw the brunette's state:

Hyde was even more pallid than usual, his eyes more sunken in, the rims around them darker, as if he hadn't slept in days. There was a nasty bruise on his forehead (probably at least a day old and provisionally nursed). His eyes were red and puffy, he must have been crying. He was supporting himself on his walking cane, but had visible trouble to keep himself upright.

He looked up, saw him and rasped: “I need medical attention.”

It sounded pathetic. Broken.

And Lanyon hated it.

If Hyde was suffering, Jekyll had to be as well.

But he didn't show what he was thinking.

“Very well”, he said calmly, “But perhaps you should sit down-”

“I can't”, Hyde interrupted him quietly. “I can't. It hurts way too much to sit.”

A sense of foreboding crept into the doctor's heart.

“… That answers the question of where the problem is, I suppose. Can you lay on your stomach?”, he asked, pointing to the cot in the corner. The younger one nodded.

“You're obviously tired”, Lanyon continued, “Perhaps you want to rest first. And you look dehydrated. Do you want some tea?”

The brunette smiled gratefully and nodded.

Lanyon helped him over, covered him with a blanket and went to give the orders and fetch his medical equipment. But first, he placed a bucket next to Hyde's head – he did look quite sick.

When he came back, the poor boy was hurling. Within a second, he was by his side with a pot of water and gently rubbing his back.

“Oh dear”, he mumbled, “Mr. Hyde, what's the matter? What happened to you?”

Hyde laughed hoarsely: “I can't answer that question without making it sound like a horror tale.”

Alright, now the sense of foreboding was festering.

Oh my god, please don't let it be what I think it is, please, please, please, he prayed desperately.

He handed the younger man the pot of water. “Some water, for your throat”, he told him and added uncomfortably, “Perhaps we should wait until your stomach has settled down-”

“No”, Hyde choked, “I want to get it over with as soon as possible.”

Lanyon sighed sadly. “As you wish. But you'll have to strip of your inexpressibles, I'm afraid.”

The brunette nodded hesitantly. Lanyon helped him to stand up and offered to help, but Hyde refused vehemently.

The white-haired doctor looked away out of decency and tried not to show his pity, as the other obviously struggled to do as asked of him.

Finally Hyde spoke up: “I'm ready. But Dr. Lanyon, before we get to it: I must ask, that you will remain professional and do your work and nothing more.”

Lanyon turned back to him and nodded solemnly. “Of course, Mr. Hyde. Now, lie back down and spread your legs, please*. I know it's a compromising position, but-”

“I know, I know!”, the brunette snapped. “Just get it over with!”

He spread his legs like a female patient. The young man was shaking like a leaf and his eyes were wide with fear. As if he was trying his best to have faith in the other, but was too frightened and upset to do so.

He only allows me to look at it, because Jekyll trusts me, Lanyon realised.

The doctor began to examine the other's lower body, but his mismatched eyes widened in horror, when he saw the injuries that caused the brunette so much pain.

“Oh my God …”, he breathed. “Jesus Christ!”

“Jesus Christ doesn't care”, Hyde commented coldly.

Lanyon ignored the blaspheme remark.

He had to focus on swallowing his rage.

Hyde wasn't Jekyll, but he was a part of him. Hurting him meant hurting Jekyll too.

And that made the hoary man's blood boil.

Someone had dared to lay hand on his best friend! Had touched and defiled him in the worst possible way! He would fucking kill him! He would find the bastard, who had done this and do the most gruesome things to him that he could think of!

Hyde's voice tore him back to the moment. “You're not going to make me explain what happened, are you?”

It was an anxious question, a plea.

Lanyon shook his head. “You don't need to, Mr. Hyde. It's obvious.”

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

“You don't happen to know the guy who did this, do you?”

The patient shook his head. “No. The one I suspect is a complete stranger. I don't know who it was.”

“Dammit”, Lanyon grumbled. “Because I really want to kill him. Shove the barrel of my gun up his arse and pull the trigger.”

“I'd love to see that”, Hyde chuckled weakly, “And hear his screams of agony, as he dies a slow and painful death.”

Lanyon nodded grimly and took another deep breath.

“I'm going to tend to your injuries now”, he told the smaller man. “Sadly I've run out of chloroform, so this will hurt a lot.”

The other nodded. “I know. You'll have to fix me to the cot. I don't think I'll be able to hold still the entire time.”

Lanyon heeded the advice and then went to work.

The procedure was painful for both of them.

For Hyde obviously, for Lanyon, because he couldn't bear to see the other in so much pain.

Not only because this was Jekyll suffering (well, specifically his darker half, but it counted!), but also because Edward Hyde was young, slender and very small. The culprit probably had thought that the brunette was an underage Mary Ann**, which made this whole thing even sicker.

Finally the doctor was finished with his work, leaving the patient drained, but relieved. Lanyon untied him and handed him his pants.

“I'm afraid, this is all I can do”, Lanyon told him apologetically, “Also, you shouldn't eat any solid food for the next days. This needs to heal.”

“Great”, Hyde grumbled, “More soup.”

The older man continued: “Good news is, once the wounds have healed sufficiently, you will be fine. No permanent physical damage.”

“Lucky me”, the younger deadpanned.

“I know it's no comfort.”

“It's not.”

Lanyon hated how helpless he was in this situation.

He had been able to patch up the physical injuries, but never would he be able to mend the wounds left on Jekyll's and Hyde's soul. Even if the wounds healed, the scars would never fade.

Knowing that was unbearable.

“Don't make that face, Doctor”, Hyde said, “You've done all you could. And that was more than enough. I will be fine.”

“Will you?”, queried Lanyon. “Mr. Hyde, stop pretending that you're not hurting on the inside – the other inside”, he added poignantly, when the brunette lifted an eyebrow.

“You're forgetting, that I have known you – that is, Jekyll – for forty years. Your act doesn't fool me.”

He opened his arms. “Need a hug?”

Hyde bit his lip. His acid green eyes lost a bit of their brightness and specks of brown appeared. Jekyll was breaking through his defences, Lanyon realised.

Then the younger nodded silently.

Hyde didn't know how long they had been sitting in this weird position, but eventually he calmed down. Somehow he was able to think clearly now and his emotions were becoming less overwhelming.

For someone who was so easy to unnerve, Lanyon sure had a stabilising aura of reliability to himself.

But then again, this is why Jekyll clung to him for fifteen years, isn't it? Why he loved and needed him so much? Because he made him feel sane?

“Thank you, Lanyon”, he whispered finally.

The hoary doctor smiled. “You're welcome.”

“What time is it?”, he inquired.

Lanyon checked his watch. “It's half past nine.”

Huh. Was it really that late?

The older man handed him his walking cane. “Honestly, I think my work is done so far. Right now, you don't need me any longer.”

Hyde blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Lanyon looked at him seriously. “I gave you medical attention, but you also need someone to help you get the justice you deserve. Mr. Hyde, what you need now is a lawyer.”

Oh.

Right.

A lawyer.

“Shall I call you a cab to Utterson's place?”

Hyde shook his head.

The other frowned. “It's pouring outside and you're still in pain. You shouldn't-”

“I know”, the brunette muttered, “But I walked all the way here from Jekyll's home. I'll manage.”

Lanyon shook his head and gave up. “Well, suit yourself. You two are goddamn stubborn, trying to dissuade you would be pointless.”

“Exactly”, Hyde agreed. “I'll be on my way, then. Thank you for the medical attention. Oh, and Dr. Lanyon?”

“Hm?”

Hyde regarded him with genuine gratitude and said: “You're a good fellow and a wonderful friend. Jekyll is lucky to have you.”

At first, Lanyon looked shocked. Then he smiled lopsidedly.

“You are lucky to have me.”

He laughed throatily. “Yes, I guess I am.”

Then he left.

Utterson was stacking away the last of his paper work, when he heard a knock from the door.

Looking through the spy hole, he couldn't see anything, so he opened the door to check.

To his surprise, it was none other than Edward Hyde standing in front of him. He was completely drenched, shaking like a leaf and supporting himself on his walking stick.

“H-hey”, the wet man stammered.

“Edward! My god, you're soaked! What were you doing outside in this weather?! Get out of these wet clothes, I'll find you a towel and something dry.”

The lawyer pushed him into the living room, near the fireplace and brought him some tea.

When he came back with a nightgown, morning coat and three towels in his arms, Hyde had peeled out of most of his clothes and was hiding behind the armchair like a frightened animal.

This was so very wrong … he felt his heart twist painfully.

But Utterson saved the questions for later and helped the young man dry up and put on the dry clothes. The poor man was still shivering, so he shooed him into his own bed.

“Good grief, out there in this weather at this hour! What happened? You're a mess!”

“Yes”, Hyde replied softly and lay down carefully. “A mess …”

His lip was quivering.

His voice was hoarse and shaking.

His eyes were slightly damp.

He was on the verge of tears, Utterson realised and his heart twisted even further.

“Wait a bit”, he told the brunette gently, “I'll get you some more tea-”

“No!”, the smaller cried suddenly, startling him. “Don't … don't go … I … I …”

The lawyer sat at the edge of the bed. “I'm not going anywhere. But Edward, please tell me what happened.”

“Don't worry”, Hyde muttered, “That's what I came for.”

Then he slowly sat back up. “Oh! I can sit again!”, he remarked, “I must thank Lanyon tomorrow, he did a good job.”

Utterson began to fret. Couldn't the other just tell him already what the matter was?!

But then Hyde began to do exactly that: “It won't be pretty, Gabriel, so brace yourself.

It was last Friday night, I was at the pub to get up the knocker – you know, the usual. Something was different this time, though. But this time there was this stranger, who asked to sit with me. That in itself was weird – no one ever wants to sit with me – so I got suspicious, but I didn't say anything about it. Then my first shot came and I must have been distracted for a moment, I don't remember. Anyway, I was already dizzy after half a glass, so it must have been spiked. So I didn't drink the rest, paid for it and left. But it was pretty difficult to get forward in the darkness and the rain – I don't even know, if I was walking into the right direction. At some point I had to lean against a wall, I think. Then, suddenly I heard a voice behind me and someone threw me against the wall several times. Of course that and the drug made me pass out.

The next thing I remember is waking up today morning, in the flat of one of the girls I frequent. My entire body was hurting like hell, especially my arse and back. She told me what had happened, but it wouldn't have been hard to guess anyway.

Jekyll said that he saw what happened, because he was out in his shadow form. He tried to keep the memories from me, but he isn't as good at it as I am. They came to me on the way here. Fun times. Seeing pictures in my head, of how that bastard defiled my entire body. Then he left me to die, unconscious and covered in blood and filth.”

He hugged himself and looked away, while the lawyer stared at him in horror and disbelief.

When it all sank in, Utterson felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

“You don't believe me, do you?”, Hyde asked in a hushed, broken voice. “Or if you do … you're disgusted with us, aren't you? With me and Jekyll? Because we allowed someone to do this to-?”

“Shhhh”, the lawyer whispered. “Edward … please look at me.”

When the young man turned his head to look at him, his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Of course I believe you. Why would I not? And I'm not disgusted – not with you two anyway. Just the piece of filth, who did this to you.”

The thought was sickening.

Someone touching Hyde – and therefore Jekyll – like that.

And why the hell was Hyde chuckling?!

“I deserved it. It's not like I was any better. And at least something good came out of it”, he remarked.

The older man frowned. “What good could possibly come out of such a thing?!”

“It taught me to respect women and that a no is a no. Don't give me that look, Mr. Utterson”, he added coolly, when the lawyer frowned. “Did you really believe that I was respectful or even kind to the whores I screwed? Or that I cared, whether they wanted to serve me or not?”

The black-haired man sighed: “No. I'm just disappointed, that Henry Jekyll is a rapist.”

Hyde lifted an eyebrow. “You're surprisingly calm about it. We expected you to freak out.”

“There is nothing I can do about it now. Anything else I should know?”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, neither of us ever touched anyone younger than eighteen. That's the minimum age for Jekyll. My partners must be older than twenty.”

Utterson tilted his head. “To be honest, that does make me feel better. But back to the matter at hand; the culprit. Did you know him, or if not, do you remember what he looked like?”

“I didn't know him, but I do remember his appearance. A bit taller and bulkier than you. Two, three inches, maybe. Broad shoulders, wild red hair and freckles. Irish accent, a very deep voice-”

Suddenly Hyde broke off. His green eyes widened, as if in revelation.

“Edward?”, the lawyer asked carefully.

“That man”, the younger whispered. “It was the same as the one who shot me!”

His face twisted with anger and he jumped up.

“It was him! I knew he was familiar! How did I not recognise him?! That bastard! I should have killed him right on the-!”

Utterson pressed his hands onto the other's shoulders and pushed him back into a sitting position.

“Edward, I know that you're angry, but you need to calm down. Don't play into his hands by becoming his murderer. He will face justice, I give you my word. But you have to keep it together.”

“Keep it together!”, Hyde gasped out angrily, “I let him fucking drug and violate me and now I'm-”

“You didn't let him do anything”, Utterson grimly cut him off. “This wasn't your fault, Edward. It was his fault for being such a perverse individual. I bet he thought you were an underage rent boy or a Mary Ann. You do look a bit like it at first glance.”

“Gee, thanks a lot!”, the younger retorted sarcastically. “That totally wouldn't hurt my pride, if I had any to begin with!”

The lawyer cringed. “Forgive me. I didn't mean to add insult to injury.”

He stood up. “Lie back down, alright? I will get you more tea and something to eat.”

Hyde smiled lopsidedly. “Well, I haven't eaten in two days, so that would be appreciated.”

Utterson couldn't help but smile. “I'll see what I have. Oh, and one more question!”

“Hm?”

“The woman, who saved you. Did you repay her somehow?”

The brunette nodded. “Yes, actually. With 200 £ and a promise to never hurt her again. After all, she did save my life and patched me up as best as she could.”

Utterson nodded in approval.

Two hundred Pounds were a lot of money, but considering what had happened, Jekyll would surely forgive his other half.

He went down to the kitchen, cut a few pomegranates (Lady Summers had given him some from her own greenhouse) and went back up.

Hyde's mood brightened immediately, when he saw the bowl full of pomegranate seeds. His face looked adorable like that, but this was not a good time to think further on it.

“I'm afraid that's all I have right now, since it's Sunday night. Personally, I'm not a fan of them”, Utterson said and gave him the bowl. “But I thought just in case you come here, I might as well get something you like. My favourite food always cheers me u– aaand you inhaled them”, he ended lamely, when the brunette devoured the seeds within less than ten seconds.

“What? I told you I was hungry”, Hyde stated.

Well, at least he didn't get anything onto my nightgown, the lawyer thought drily and handed him a handkerchief.

“Obviously. How are you feeling now?”

Hyde's face fell again and he shook his head.

“It's ironic, really. I feel so tainted and worthless”, he croaked. “I, Edward Hyde, who is but the embodiment of everything that taints Henry Jekyll. I'm not even a real-”

Utterson shook his head and put his hands on the other's shoulders again.

“Hush”, he whispered. “Don't speak that way. None of this is true. Being Jekyll's darker half doesn't make you tainted. Neither does what that scum did to you. Was this the first time you were penetrated like that?”

The brunette lowered his head and nodded.

“Edward. It doesn't count.”

Hyde's head whipped back up, disbelief edged into his face. “What's that supposed to mean?!”

The black-haired man gently kneaded his shoulders and explained: “Your virginity is something you have to give willingly. Something taken without consent and by hurting someone is worth nothing. Your body may be wounded and bruised, but it won't become impure or dirty, because of something that wasn't your fault or even your choice. You haven't chosen to give yourself, Edward, and that's why what he did to you doesn't count. The only things that can tarnish you, are the choices you make and the things you do.”

Throughout his talk, the boy's eyes had filled with tears and now they were running down his face like torrents.

“That's … the biggest balderdash I ever heard! It makes … no sense whatsoever!”, he choked. “Goddammit, Gabriel! Quit making me so bloody sentimental all the time!”

“Sorry”, Utterson apologised, “I'll try. No guarantees, though.”

“I hate being like this!”, Hyde sobbed, “I hate being so fucking pathetic!”

“Edward …”

“I want to forget it! I want to forget, that this ever happened! I want to stop feeling these things and go back to being the unfeeling, cold-hearted creature that I was!”

“Edward …”

The brunette dug his fingernails so deeply into his arms that blood started to seep through the sleeves of the nightgown.

“I want it to stop!”, he cried in anguish. “I want it to stop, damn it! Make it stop! Help me forget it all! Make me forget who I am and not think about anything but that I'm here with you! You're so good at that, Gabriel. Calm my nerves and my mind! Make me feel like I'm more than just the personified sins and vices of someone else! Make me feel like I'm human!”

“Edward!”

The black-haired man pried the other's hands away from his arms, embraced him and let him cry into his chest. The smaller man clung to him like a lifeline, while Utterson stroked his back and his long, dark brown hair with the other.

“Edward. Look at me”, he pleaded.

Oh so hesitantly, the younger looked into his eyes. The older took a napkin out of his waistcoat and wiped the blood off Hyde's arms.

“You're not pathetic. You're hurt, angry and upset and there is nothing pathetic about that. I've told you many times before and I will tell you again. You're far more than just the personified darker half of Henry's soul. You're human. You're a man. Always were and always will be. You're not the lesser being you think you are.”

Hyde's acid green eyes were full of doubt.

“Prove it!”, he rasped, “Prove to me that I'm a person and not the monster everyone things I am!”

The lawyer acted out of instinct.

Hyde blinked in confusion, as the taller man cupped his face and bent down slightly.

“Gabriel …?”

He didn't get to finish the question.

Utterson had no idea, what prompted him to lay his lips upon Hyde's.

Or why he had thought that he could just give the other a gentle peck on the lips.

Because that had been his intention: a harmless, quick and chaste peck.

Stupid him.

As if Hyde ever wouldn't be Hyde enough to crave more than just that fleeting touch.

Next thing he knew was that the young man was kissing him back with passion and entangling his spidery fingers in his greying hair.

Utterson felt his face flush. He felt his heart beat higher and a strange fuzziness in his stomach.

Yet at the same time, he felt a sting in his heart.

What am I doing? My first kiss was supposed to be with Henry, yet here I am …

The thought was quickly banished, however. Hyde gently pushed him down onto the bed and crawled on top of him, not breaking the kiss for a split of a second.

Never would the black-haired man have imagined, that this would feel so … right. That he would ever willingly make out with Edward Hyde and like it.

But Hyde was so skilled and good at it, and his lips tasted like the pomegranate seeds he had eaten earlier.

It was wonderful. Addictive. It took his breath away.

It made him feel … desire. He had never felt desire before. It was so unfamiliar, yet it felt so good.

He moaned softly and clasped the other's thin waist.

But after a while, the need for air became too great and they parted, both wheezing for breath.

“Whoa …”, Utterson gasped. “Edward …”

With hooded eyes, he gazed at the smaller man, who was currently panting on top of him.

His eyes were glowing with emotion and a rosy blush had painted his pale cheeks.

In that moment, he looked stunningly beautiful.

“That was … unexpected”, he remarked breathlessly.

Then he giggled: “That really was your first kiss.”

It wasn't a question.

Utterson blushed harder and asked sheepishly: “Was it that obvious?”

Hyde nodded. “Quite so. Your lips quivered. And you were so awkward, clumsy and timid, there is no way you could've had any experience.”

The black-haired man was peeved by the smug grin on the brunette's face. But any snappy retort he could have made died in his throat, when he saw the softness in those green eyes.

“No one has ever given me their first kiss before”, Hyde confessed. Then, more seriously: “You saved your first kiss for Jekyll, didn't you? Why did you kiss me instead?”

That was a good question.

Why had he kissed him?

Because he had felt like he had to do it? Because the younger had needed it? Because he had wanted to? Because he'd had something to prove?

None of those … but he had no idea what the truth was.

“I … I do not know”, he finally admitted.

“Do you regret it?”

Utterson considered.

Eventually he smiled and said: “No. I don't regret kissing you.”

Hyde relaxed and smiled back.

And then, suddenly – a lion yawn.

Seemed like exhaustion was finally catching up to a certain someone.

The lawyer chuckled and pulled the covers over them.

“Sleep, Edward. I'll stay with you.”

Hyde snuggled into him and fell asleep soon after.

Utterson wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes.

Never mind, that he was still fully dressed.

---

* I don’t know how anal injuries were treated back then (if at all), so I improvised.

** Mary Ann - Victorian slang for an effeminate man, sometimes (but not necessarily) a male prostitute.

In summer 1885 (before my story begins), the age of consent was raised from 13 to 16 years old (by the same Act that criminalised homosexuality).

My Hyde looks younger than 16 years old at first glance (being so small and slight), so a stranger would mistake him for a 12/13-year-old, just by looking at his face.

[jcnnie]

Ur going off on vaulthqs for 'stealing' your theme when the base code isn't even yours, right? You can't own an aesthetic. Yeah you may have created that and props go to you but i don't see you going off on every theme maker/rp main that uses a similar aesthetic. So why this one?

honey i literally already said that them using a different base code doesn’t discredit the fact that the themes look way too similar to just be a coincidence. copyright law states that an idea is free domain but the expression of said idea is copyrightable. this means that the general WHAT is a free for all but one has the right to the HOW of it all — how the idea is executed and portrayed, how the idea looks, sounds, tastes, etc. think of it this way: you want to paint a picture of a sunflower. free domain, right? anyone can paint a sunflower. that’s fair. so you create an oil painting of a sunflower in a broken jar with a teal background. that’s your painting, and your intellectual property — your copyright. then someone else comes along and says, hey i want to paint a sunflower. again, this is fair. anyone can paint sunflowers, there are no laws against that. but they paint it on a turquoise background, with the subject being in a broken jar, only this time they use acrylic paints as a medium. side by side, they look more than similar. the only difference is the base (acrylic vs oil). the IDEA (painting of a sunflower) is free, but the EXPRESSION (broken jar, teal bg) is copied, even if the mediums used may be different. the original painter can still accuse them of breaching copyright, and most copyright laws would agree that it is, in fact, stealing, regardless of the second artist’s intentions. in this case, the idea/sunflower is the theme and the expression is the style (the posts, the sidebar, the container, the headings, the permalinks, the ask formatting, the tags, etc), and the paint medium (acrylic vs oil) is the base code — since we used different base codes. do you see what i’m getting at here, and why i’m so upset? just because it’s happened a bunch of times already, doesn’t mean it’s right, nor should it give me any reason to just lie down and let it happen again and again and again. it’s not a matter of “why this theme in particular”. i couldn’t care less about who did it. it’s the fact that someone DID it — and after all of the times it’s happened over and over again — and i’m tired of it. this is me standing up for myself and for other theme makers who feel the same and have dealt with issues similar to this. i refuse to let it slide and be silent about my own rights. i don’t know if you’ll ever understand what it’s like to be a content creator, having to put so much time and effort and creativity into what you put out into the world, only to have it ripped off time and time again, but i hope you at least try to see where i’m coming from. have a good day.