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gnatolie · 4 years ago

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Clown Cat Crochet Pattern Listed Below!

Full disclaimer, this pattern has not been tested by anyone but me yet. I haven’t had the chance to make a second clown cat and take pictures of the process yet. I only have the pattern written for a bi-color hat and body for now but it would be pretty easy to convert to once color. Feel free to message me if you have questions about any part of the process and I can hopefully explain a little better! *instructions listed are specifically for a cat, but the ears, face, and tail can be altered to be a different animal. crochet the head as instructed below, embroider your desired face, and find a good pattern for ears you want. just make sure to use two strands of yarn and an H hook so the size isn’t off.

Materials: - 2 balls of yarn in chosen head color (white) - 1 ball of yarn in color A (½ main colors. I chose red) - 1 ball of yarn in color B (2/2 main colors. I chose yellow) - 1 ball of yarn in color C (1/1 accent colors. I chose blue) - Tiniest amount of yarn for nose (I used red for that classic clown nose look) - safety eyes (I used 12 mm, you can also embroider them or use buttons) - stuffing/wadding - H/size 8/5.00 mm hook - F/size 5/3.75 mm hook - bell (optional, for nose) - pompoms or buttons (optional, for body and hat decoration. I opted to make my own tiny pompoms because I didn’t want to buy any. Instructions are listed in this pattern) - embroidery thread (optional, I used thread to embroider eyelashes and mouth) - makeup or fabric paint + clean brush to apply (optional)

Abbreviations (US Crochet Terms): ch - chain sl - slip stitch sc - single crochet dc - double crochet inc - increase dec - decrease fo - finish off st - stitch

Special Terms/Techniques: Intarsia/Mosiac/Jacquard crochet - used for hat. Daisy Farm Crafts’ gingham blanket patterns explain the technique really well. Here’s a link! You have to scroll a bit to find the explanation. Popcorn/Bobble stitch - used to make pompoms on hat and body Ladder Stitch - Used to stitch parts together, join halves of body, and minor tailoring of the “hip” area.

Head (head color) x1:

*Use H hook **Head is worked using two strands of yarn at once

Worked in the round. Start with a magic ring

sc 6 in magic ring (6)

*sc inc in next stitch* repeat 6 times (12)

*sc inc, sc in next stitch* repeat 6 times (18)

*sc inc, sc in next 2 stitches* repeat 6 times (24)

*sc inc, sc in next 3 stitches* repeat 6 times (30)

*sc inc, sc in next 4 stitches* repeat 6 times (36)

sc in each stitch (36)

sc in each stitch (36). Place your eyes between between rows 9 & 10, about six stitches apart.

*dec, sc in next 4* repeat 6 times (30)

*dec, sc in next 3* repeat 6 times (24)

*dec, sc in next 2* repeat 6 times (18). Embroider the rest of the face and begin stuffing.

*dec, sc in next stitch* repeat 6 times (12). Finish stuffing.

*dec* repeat 6 times (6). FO and stitch shut, leaving a long tail to attach head to body later.

Ears (head color) x2:

*Use H hook

**Ears are worked using two strands of yarn at once

Worked in the round. Start with a magic ring.

sc 4 in ring (4)

*sc, inc* repeat once (6)

*inc* repeat 6 times (12)

sc in each stitch (12)

sc in each stitch (12). FO, leaving a long tail.

Flatten into triangle and stitch to top of head. I positioned the ears between row 3 & 4 of the head and sewed down the side.

Nose x1:

*use f hook from this point on **use one strand of thread at a time from this point on

Worked in the round. Start with a magic ring.

sc 6 in magic ring (6)

*sc inc in next stitch* repeat 6 times (12)

sc in each stitch (12)

sc in each stitch (12). If you’re using a bell in the nose, add that now.

*dec* repeat 6 times (6). If you’re using stuffing, add that now.

*dec* repeat 3 times (3). FO and stitch shut, leaving a long tail.

Sew one or two rows below the eyes, directly between them.

Hat (colors A, B, and C):

*Intarsia/Tapestry crochet is used for this piece. A link explaining how to use this method is provided under “special techniques.” Brush up and practice if you need to!

Using color A, start with a magic ring.

sc 2 in color A. Switch to color B. sc 2 in color B. (4)

sc inc, sc in color A. Switch to color B. sc inc, sc in color B. (6)

*sc inc* repeat 3 times in color A. Switch to color B. *sc inc* repeat 3 times in color B. (12)

sc in first 6 stitches with color A. Switch to color B. sc in last 6 stitches with color B. (12)

sc in first 6 stitches with color A. Switch to color B. sc in last 6 stitches with color B. (12). Switch to color C.

*sc inc* repeat 12 times. (24)

*sc inc* repeat 24 times (48). FO leaving a long tail.

Weave the end of color C towards the center of the hat, between the space where the hat ends and the ruffle begins. Sew the hat to the head, adding stuffing to the hat to make it stand. Pompom will be added later.

Because the hat is worked in the round, the colors may create a kind of swirl instead of a true half and half look. I chose to block my hat out by dampening it with warm water and twisting it until I was happy with the way the colors sat.

Arms (head color, A or B) x2:

*work first arm in color A, second in color B. Ruffles are worked separately in color C and sewn on

In Head Color, start with magic ring

sc 6 in magic ring (6)

*sc inc* repeat 6 times (12)

*sc inc, sc* 6 times (18)

sc in each stitch (18)

sc in each stitch (18). Switch to color A or B.

sc in each stitch (18)

sc in each stitch (18). Stuff and FO leaving a long tail. Stitch the top shut and leave a long tail to attach to body later.

Arm Ruffle (color C) x2: ch 18, join to make a circle 1. sc inc in each chain (36) 2. sc inc in each stitch (72). Sl in next stitch and FO. Sew onto arm where body color meets color A/B.

Body (color A or B) x2:

*body is worked in halves and stitched together **body is worked in rounds for feet, then rows for chest/belly ***the “hips” of the body are angular due to decrease; I ladder stitched over the angles after stuffing and constructing to make the body look smoother on the sides

In color A or B, begin with a magic ring

sc 6 in magic ring (6)

*sc inc* repeat 6 times (12)

*sc inc, sc* repeat 6 times (18)

*sc inc, sc in next 2 stitches* (24)

sc in each stitch (24)

sc in each stitch (24). Chain 5. Body is worked in rows from this row on.

sc in 2nd ch from hook and next 3 ch. sc in next 24 stitches. sc 4 in other side of ch spaces (32). Ch 1, turn.

sc in each stitch (32). Ch 1, turn.

sc 14, sc dec twice, sc 14 (30). Ch 1, turn.

sc 13, sc dec twice, sc 13 (28). Ch 1, turn.

sc 12, sc dec twice, sc 12 (26) Ch 1, turn.

sc 11, sc dec twice, sc 11 (24) Ch 1, turn.

sc 10, sc dec twice, sc 10 (22) Ch 1, turn.

sc 9, sc dec twice, sc 9 (20) Ch 1, turn.

sc 8, sc dec twice, sc 8 (18) Ch 1, turn.

sc 8, sc dec, sc 8 (17) Ch 1, turn.

sc 7, sc dec, sc 8 (16) Ch 1, turn.

sc 7, sc dec, sc 7 (15) Ch 1, turn.

sc 6, sc dec, sc 7 (14) Ch 1, turn.

sc 6, sc dec, sc 6 (13) Ch 1, turn.

sc 5, sc dec, sc 6 (12) Ch 1, turn.

sc in each stitch (12) Ch 1, turn.

sc in each stitch (12). FO and weave in end.

Stitch the halves of the body together with a ladder stitch. Stuff the feet to desired firmness. You should have about 24 total stitches at the top of the body where the “neck” is – it’s okay if you’re missing a stitch or two though. The neck ruffle will be worked directly to the top of the body and will be made in the round.

Join color C to neck.

sc inc in each stitch (~48)

sc inc in each stitch (~96)

dc inc in each stitch (~192). Sl in next stitch. FO and weave in end.

Tail (head color) x1:

*tail can be made longer or shorter. add or subtract repetitions of row 3 to desired length **i chose not to stuff the tail but you can if you’d prefer to

start with a magic ring

sc 6 in magic ring (6)

*sc inc* repeat 6 times (12)

sc in each stitch (12)

sc in each stitch (12). FO and leave a long tail.

Pompoms (color C) x4: *regular fuzzy pompoms or buttons would work just fine for this project but in case you don’t have access to either of those and don’t want to buy them, here’s a fast lil tutorial. it’s basically just one single popcorn stitch tacked into a sphere shape. ch 3 in 3rd ch from hook, dc 5 (5). remove hook from loop and reinsert in the top of first dc. insert hook in loop and pull through. ch 1, FO and leave a long tail. Sew your popcorn stitch into a sphere. I sewed the top of the stitch to the bottom chain, then the side of the first dc to the side of the last dc. Play around with tailoring your popcorn until it looks like a pompom.

Construction:

At this point, you should have a head (stuffed with eyes and mouth), nose, hat, two ears, body, two arms with ruffles on the wrist, a tail, and some pompoms.

If you haven’t already, stitch the ears, hat, and nose to the head.

Attach the head to the body using the long tail left after FO. Finish stuffing as you sew. I used a ladder stitch and aligned row 15 of the head to the neck opening since both have ~24 stitches. It’s okay if part of the neck ruffle is tacked to the head.

At this point, I tailored the “hips” of the body to be smoother. Originally it was pretty angular. I used a ladder stitch to hide some of the “extra” fabric on the hips. You can leave it if you choose, of tailor it to whatever hip shape you like.

Attach the arms to the body. I, of course, used a ladder stitch. The arms are sewn to the side of the body, right underneath the neck ruffle.

The tail is sewn to the back of the body. I chose to place mine towards the bottom, where color A and color B meet.

Sew pompoms onto your clown cat. I put one on top of the hat, then three on the center of the body like buttons.

Finally, add makeup. You can do any design you like! I’ve used fabric paint before but I don’t like the texture it has, so now I use cheap makeup and brushes. (Because I sell/gift plushies, the pallet and brushes I use have never touched human skin and are consistently cleaned but if you’re making a plushie for yourself, you can use whatever you have. Finish off with a little scotch guard if you want to protect the makeup or leave as is. Of course, if the plushie is being gifted to a pet or a child, don’t put makeup on it – embroider or use non-toxic paint instead).

That’s it! Now you have your very own clown cat (or other animal, if you decided to use a different head pattern).

Again, this pattern has only really been tested by yours truly and I haven’t had a chance to take pictures to go with these instructions, so if you run into any problems, go ahead and reach out to me! Happy crafting!

This pattern is available for free here because I don’t believe in gatekeeping crafts but if you’d like to show me some love, support my yarn habit through kofi!

#crochet #diycrochet #crochet pattern #pattern #clown #clown cat #clowncore

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ladymiseria · 5 years ago

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Smut Alphabet- Levi

Considering this a warm-up of sorts to my latest foray of fic-writing. I have ones for Belphie and Satan planned, as well, so expect those sometime soon.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

-Lots of hugs and cuddling. Constantly asking if you’re okay, if you need anything, if you enjoyed yourself. He likes resting on your chest and having his hair pet and getting plenty of reassurance.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

-Levi likes his hands. All his time spent playing video games has made him very dexterous and he knows it. He loves using just his hands to get you off.

Levi is a leg man. He loves anything that shows of your legs like short skirts, thigh highs, fishnets. He always wants to touch your thighs and run his hands up your legs or even just have your legs slung over his lap while you relax together. Also, in true otaku form, he’s a sucker for that absolute territory.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

-He’ll never object to coming inside, but he also loves coming on your face (with your permission, of course). He’s also been known to paint your chest and back with his cum when the mood strikes him. He’s also into snowballing after he finishes in your mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

-It’s hard to say what could be considered a “dirty secret” since his sexual interests are fairly varied and “unusual”, you could say. What he would consider his biggest “dirty secret” is that he’s really into being dommed and serving his mistress/master. This goes hand in hand with his degradation kink.

Levi also wants to fuck you with his tail, as it resembles that of a sea serpent and makes him think of the hentai trope where people are fucked by tentacles.

Also also, Levi didn’t think he’d be into pegging, but now he loooooves it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

-Probably the least experienced of all the brothers (partially because he so rarely leaves his room), but he still definitely knows what he’s doing, even if a good portion is from dating sims and other such games of a naughtier nature. He knows what he likes and he wants to please you, as well, so he makes sure to know what to do.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

-Having you on top really does it for him. But his ultimate favorite is fucking you on top of furniture (dresser, table, things like that) or standing with him fucking you from behind.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

-He can be really goofy in the moment! He wants to have fun when he sleeps with you, and loves to see you smile and laugh. Sometimes he gets carried away with his roleplaying, but he’s learned to laugh about it if you bring it up or try to get him to lighten up a little bit.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

-Contrary to what others might think, Levi is actually very clean in terms of personal hygiene, even if his clothes sometimes look a bit disheveled. He’s clean shaven downstairs because he just likes it better, but he’d be okay with some body hair if you asked.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

-Levi isn’t the traditional romantic who’ll wine and dine you, but he loves hugs and holding hands and being close to you. He loves giving you soft touches all over and holding you in his arms and he’ll always tell you when he thinks you look good (which is most of the time, but whatever).

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

-Levi masturbates a lot, but less so now that he has you. That said, he still plays his hentai games on the reg and gets off to those. He also frequently jacks off to the thought of you and previous or upcoming intimate encounters between you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

-Degradation, dom/sub, overstimulation, roleplay, edging, being made to beg

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

-His bedroom is his favorite as that’s his safe space and where he feels most comfortable, with your room coming in a close second.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

-He loves when you dress up for him. Roleplay and costumes are big turn ons for him, so he loves when you dress the part, or even just get cute/sexy for him in general. He’s also very easy to tease, so little suggestive touches or whispering in his ear is often enough to make him blush and get hard.

Levi also melts into a puddle when you massage/stimulate his head near the base of his horns, even when they’re not showing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

-There’s not much he wouldn’t do, but he’s not really into physically hurting you for the sake of sexual pleasure, i.e. knifeplay, hitting you outside of spanking, etc. He’s afraid he might misjudge how much you can take and actually cause you physical harm. He’s also not much of a forceful dom unless the circumstances are just right.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

-Loves loves loves receiving especially when you let him finish on your face. He likes giving, as well, but he’s not as confident as he is in his other sexual skills.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

-Somewhere in the middle generally, but a lot of it depends on what you’re actually doing. He’s easily excited so sometimes he loses himself a bit, but he does love to savor his intimate time with you, just touching and kissing and exploring each other’s bodies.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

-Quickies aren’t his go-to, but sometimes he just can’t resist, especially if you’ve been teasing him for a prolonged period of time. It’s not terribly unusual for him to snap and pull you away.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

-Yeah, definitely down to experiment! His otaku interests have brought a lot of different fetishes into his sexual purview so there’s a lot of things he’s always wanted to try if he found a willing partner. He’s also always up for hearing what you like and what you’d like to try and he does his best to accommodate.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

-Levi is supposedly the least “in-shape” of the brothers, but his stamina is still a bit higher than that of the average human. In the beginning, he wasn’t able to last very long as he would get too excited and overstimulated, but it’s something that’s gotten better with time (and some training).

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

-Oh yes, lots: he has enough toys for the both of you, and all different kinds, at that, including ones on the more unusual side (hello, monster dildos). He loves using them on you, especially the weirder ones, as it fulfills some of his weebish fantasies. Despite him having such a collection, he was always too nervous to use the dildos and vibrators on himself, but, after letting you use them on him, he was easily converted.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

-He’s not one to tease really at all since he’s too awkward and nervous, but he loves being teased, even if he pouts and says that you’re “unfair”, in true Levi fashion.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

-Initially, he’s very embarrassed and tries to stifle himself, but the longer you go, the more his resolve breaks down. He makes a lot of whiney, whimpering noises and he can get a little loud when he comes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

-Levi is into being collared and treated like a puppy. He gets off on you ruffling his hair and giving him commands and leading him around on a leash.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

-Levi has a good body even if he may not be as fit as some of his brothers: he’s still a high-ranking demon, after all. His dick has similar skin to his tail, so a bit scaly and a bit smooth. The tip also has a defined point at the very end.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

-Moderately high. He’s easily distracted by his many hobbies, but it’s near unheard of for him to turn down sex when the opportunity presents itself.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

-Levi isn’t really all that sleepy after sex. He needs time to recuperate, but he’s usually ready to move on to the next thing he wants to do after a while with little fuss.

#obey me #leviathan #Levi #smut #writing #ABCs of Smut #shall we date #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me headcanons #smut alphabet

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jocelynscloset · 5 years ago

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NSFW Alphabet : Kylo Ren Edition

– This is the Kylo Ren Edition of my NSFW Alphabet series! If you have any suggestions for who you’d like me to make one for next feel free to send me an ask, and if you’d like to be added to the tag list for Emma Roberts’ characters, let me know! If you’re unaware of the concept, NSFW alphabet is an unpacking of a person/character’s sex life, and it’s a small paragraph for each letter describing your personal head canons about them. Please like, reblog, and share if you enjoy it.

Warning(s): smut, cum, this is all about sex so…

Word Count: 1,883

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A - Aftercare

Kylo is as affectionate as he is aggressive, when it comes to you. Aftercare is a simple thing for the two of you, most of the time. He knows that you like to shower with him before bed and fall asleep wrapped up in his bare arms, with your face buried in his neck. He’s especially careful with you after a particularly rough night together, making sure to caress every inch of your skin with a feather light touch while he takes care to wash you in the shower, brushing his fingers gently through your hair and over your skin in small, rhythmic motions while you fall asleep on top of him, taking solace in the sound of your small puffs of breath against him.

B - Body Part

Kylo loves your hands. They’re tiny and fragile compared to his rough, calloused ones and he loves to hold them, stroke them, kiss them, etc. He particularly loves how they look when you’re asleep with one arm resting across his abdomen and your arm slightly bent so one hand rests curled against him, so small and delicate against his broad, muscular chest. He also thinks it’s kind of adorable when you’re stroking his cock and you can barely touch your thumb to your other fingers around him.

C - C*m

Kylo likes to release onto your tummy, watching you writhe underneath him and squirm at the warm liquid coating your skin. He never leaves you like that long, though, as he always wants you to be comfortable and doesn’t find joy in that kind of degradation for very long at a time.

D - Dirty Secret

Kylo is big into the predator/prey dynamic in the bedroom and he wants to introduce it to you in a way that doesn’t necessarily devolve into your regular sub/dom routine. He’s not into animal play but he does like the idea of resistance (ironically enough) and sort of earning his way to you.

E - Experience

Kylo isn’t super experienced, but he’s naturally intuitive when it comes to your body and his and how they fit together. He’s been with a few other people, and had the chance to explore a lot of his interests with them, but he’s been more open to the intimacy involved with a sexual relationship now that he’s with you.

F - Favorite Position

Kylo loves any position where one of you is in complete control. It depends on the mood of the night, whether you’re submissive or dominant, but if one of you is clearly in charge of the evening, he likes to keep that person physically in control because it adds to the immersion of the dynamic. He’s more often than not the dominant in your relationship, but when you want to take control he really embraces it and tries to support you by keeping you physically dominant over him, even if he needs to hold you up.

G - Goofy

Giggles happen between you and Kylo, but rarely. Things are fairly smooth when you’re having sex, so there’s not a lot of awkward situations that prompt one or both of you to react with humor.

H - Hair

Both of you take it upon yourselves to stay well groomed and fresh, because both of you kind of have a thing about hygiene. Maybe you didn’t before you two got together, but Kylo’s incessant neatness and order kind of seeped into your routine and now it’s a priority. You mainly do it because he likes it, and he mainly does it for his own comfort. Those pants are tight.

I - Intimacy

Kylo’s intimacy with you didn’t come naturally. He was cold and unavailable at first, but opened up at his own pace and eventually the warmth was welcomed by him. The same evolution occurred parallel with your sex life. Things at one point were routinely rough, cold, and to the point, but now he takes his time, praises you, and holds you close afterward. He makes sure that not only are you sexually satisfied, but you’re fed, clean, happy, and entertained. It took a long time to develop but it happened.

J - Jack Off

Kylo has a lot of pent up emotion and anger, and he usually channels it into his work or into just.. destroying things. He’s found over time, however, that the stress relief he feels when he gets himself off is far more effective, both in effectiveness and cost of replacing equipment. It’s not necessarily something he looks forward to because of the orgasm, but because he knows it will release the tension in his muscles and his mind and just give him some reprieve from his constant stream of thoughts and responsibilities.

K - Kink

He’s always been a little partial to roughness in the bedroom, but Kylo particularly loves restraining you, whether partially or completely, and then being torturously slow and gentle to the point where you’re begging him and whining and writhing for him to do anything. He also loves when you give him a little shit, like “Kylo, I’m busy, we can do this later” when he knows you’re absolutely on your own time and that you want him just as much as he wants you.

L - Location

Kylo will fuck you pretty much anywhere on Starkiller Base, including before the eyes of his subordinates. However, it completely depends on your comfort. He’s happy to get his hands on you, even if it’s confined within walls of your shared bedroom. He knows you like your privacy and intimacy, and he respects that. If you’re in the mood to get a little risky, though, he’s always right there with you.

M - Motivation

Kylo is almost always either annoyed, angry, or sad, and those are by far the easiest to convert into sexual energy. You’re an expert at this maneuver, and you’re usually the one who instigates sex because you are so good at flipping that switch. If he’s depressed, you’re gentle around him, loving, and that makes him want to give you pleasure because you’re just so goddamn precious to him and you make his life worth living. If he’s annoyed, you’re the first one to escalate it to the point where he’s full on snippy and you turn it into the kind of cat-and-mouse game you two enjoy so much. If he’s seething, murderous, etc., you tend to either ask him to take it out on you, you know, rough you up a little, throw you around, be a bit rougher than usual, or you calm him down and take control, straddling his lap and getting in a quick, tiring round that makes the tension flood from his body.

N - No

Kylo doesn’t have a lot of hard limits to your sexual endeavors, but he refuses to degrade you. He has so much respect for you that he can’t imagine even pretending that you’re below him. He truly believes that you’re a goddess that was given to him to love, and he doesn’t like the idea of that kind of dynamic being introduced. He’ll do subtle degradation, though, especially in more sub/dom situations, like mocking your desperation for him.

O - Oral

Kylo has a huge thing for having his hair tugged at, and there’s no better position for that than being buried between your soft, smooth legs. He loves to hear your unrestrained cries and screams and desperate panting. It’s the act that makes him feel he’s most in control, and he always likes to make sure you have at least two orgasms in a night, so this usually triggers the first one.

P - Pace

It really depends on the mood. Kylo has a tendency to be somewhat gentle with you, no matter the tone of your night, even if he’s throwing you around like a doll, he’s always careful to make sure you’re still comfortable. Kylo generally takes his time, unless he’s unable to, like if you two are sneaking in a quickie between two other events. If he’s going really rough on you, he still likes to drag it out, and if he’s worshipping you, he really, really savors it.

Q - Quickie

Not huge in your relationship, surprisingly enough. He’s the master of the castle, so there’s nothing he can’t push off in favor of spending time with you, so you two typically get to take your time. However, on really busy days where you both can’t spare two seconds, a quickie isn’t unheard of.

R - Risk

Since Kylo’s in charge of the First Order, there’s really no risk in you two bringing your sex life outside the bedroom, however, it’s fun to pretend there is because you don’t actually have to worry. Sometimes you just really need him and you two have a slow, sloppy make out session while he’s sitting on his throne and being addressed by different subordinates periodically. Sometimes it… escalates.

S - Stamina

Kylo has steadily built up his stamina over time and he can usually go once or twice in a night, but he also loves to drag out a night with you. Literally fuck you all. night. long. So, he has a lot of time to recover between the times when he’s inside you.

T - Toys

Not a huge thing on Starkiller Base, but he does use the force on you frequently and his lightsaber has seen some interesting places.

U - Unfair

Kylo doesn’t tease you very much, or at least not on purpose. He knows you find his uniform very sexy and that you love watching him work and boss around people like Hux, but your neediness in relation to these things is somewhat out of his control. He does make sure to take advantage of it, though.

V - Volume

Kylo mostly expresses his pleasure in low growls or groans, being especially loud when you go down on him. He likes to let you know you’re making him feel good, so he’s not shy with his noises of praise. Though, he loves to hear the whimpers and moans falling from your lips more than anything, so he restrains his own voice most of the time so he doesn’t drown them out.

W - Wildcard

Kylo loves when you help him train, especially because you two usually end up on the mat in a more… intimate position than most combat partners do. Oh, and he loves fucking you when you’re wearing his shirts.

X - X - Ray

Kylo is well-endowed. No doubt. His size took a while for you to adjust to, and it was a few times with him before you could actually take all of him at once, so needless to say, he’s impressive. Pretty looking, too.

Y - Yearning

It’s very, very uncommon for Kylo to reject your advances, and it’s rare that a night ends without one or both of you having an orgasm. Sex is just an organic part of your routine that neither of you really grow tired of, so yeah you’re both pretty horny for each other all the time.

Z - Zzzzz…

`Kylo falls asleep almost immediately after sex, especially on a rougher night. He always pulls you close and makes sure you’re clean and comfortable, first, and usually you shower together before passing out in bed in the warmth of each other’s embrace.

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ryoleoz · 5 years ago

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part 1/2 of lindhardt getting sylvain to make caspar fat

This story I wrote and my friend helped me.

Sylvain had a very dirty mind and being very horny meant putting it to use on a regularly basis. When looking into ways to pleasure himself he’d come to reading in a book Lindhardt had leant him that by people getting fatter they will become hornier and in Sylvain’s mind, more likely to fuck with him. Lindhardt knew full well what he was setting in motion by giving Sylvain that book that he had magically altered himself to encourage Sylvain to follow his own desires specifically.

It didn’t take him long until Sylvain had gotten everything lined up. A special potion that both promotes weight gain and increases hunger as well as an aphrodisiac to promote a strong sex drive. All that was left was for him to decide who he wanted to fuck most. Currently he already gets in regularly sex a few times a week with Ashe who’s already easly almost as horny as Sylvain himself, running to him begging to put his cock up his soft and bubbly ass, Dimitri is too risky because of his guards now that the war is over and he has been crowned King of Faerghus...It was then he realized, how he’d felt watching Caspar build his muscles and work out sweating on campus each day, usually shirtless AND in shorts, exposing a hefty bulge, his thick thighs, and generous ass. Sylvain’s mouth would water as he watched him get bigger over time and he had tried countless attempts in moving their relationship into fuckbuddy territory, however Caspar wasn’t interested. He had mentioned how between Ashe’s slutty whole and Lindhardt’s needy throat he was well and set between the both of them, though he did compliment Sylvain from what he heard of his experience with sex.

Sylvain had decided, the perfect candidate for him to target. Caspar was already attractive, showed some interest in Sylvain and already held a healthy sex life. He knew there would be no way Caspar would be able to resist adding him to his list of cumrags after this, and besides, the thought of even just making Caspar grow larger send a shiver to Sylvain’s cock, warmth pooling into a full boner. He was excited.

----

Caspar and Ashe’s moans echoed throughout the room, the sensation of Lindhardt humming from underneath Caspar’s large asshole was exhilarating as Ashe skillfully grinded against his throbbing cock. He had already came before, But Ashe just wasn’t done with him yet and begged for round 2. Lindhardt thanked the goddess for Ashe’s puppy eyes working on their boyfriend who never seemed horny enough to fulfill the both of them. Licking at Caspar’s warm and wet hole with his hand working his clit he had reached his peak and nearly the same time as he heard Ashe’s voice crack in screaming “Ggnhh f-fuck! Ah, ah!” which set off Caspar like a chain reaction. The three laid in bed together, sticky and hot from fucking. Beginning to Doze off, Lindhardt prayed that Sylvain hadn’t chickened out of what he had set him up for.

------

“Thanks for inviting me for lunch Sylvain! I’m surprised ya know how to cook at all with how you get around, but it looks great!” Caspar’s eyes glowed off the plate of meats, fried chicken, a few burgers, steak, ribs, plenty of rich sauces...Having been fresh off of training Caspar’s appetite was already peaked which meant there’d be no way he wouldn’t consume the whole plate and with it, the entirety of the concoctions Sylvain had put together just so that he could fatten him up and fuck him. “Thanks I guess? I learned to cook some awhile ago from Ashe for when I was in a pinch.” he laughed back playfully. Without another word Caspar had already begun his descent into madness, ravaging the plate like a beast and finishing a whole burger in barely 4 full bites, some juice slipping down his stuffed cheek as he chewed the last bit and he hummed of satisfaction. The concoctions were fast acting Sylvain knew, but he didn’t think it would be as immediate as just that when Caspar’s stomach let out a low sounding growl. “Boy I really am hungrier than I thought today! I hope you have seconds buddy!” Sylvain smiled devilishly and crossed his legs to try and hold down his boner. “Oh don’t worry, I made sure to prepare extra incase anyone else decided to join, but since it’s just the two of us, feel free to help yourself.” Sylvain then watched in awe as Caspar plowed through his meal, letting out a hefty belch here and there, patting his stomach, at one point loosening his belt by the time he reached the end of his first plate.

He’d already downed a total of 2 burgers, 3 pieces of fried chicken, the serving of ribs fistfulls of fries, and, hell, Sylvain had even lost count of what he put on there for him and before he could even remember Caspar had already come back with his second plate, already fuller than his first one was! Sylvain’s face began to heat up and he was feeling nervous. Watching Caspar’s display of gluttony was a much bigger turn on than he thought it’d be, Sylvain could barely even touch his own plate and he lustfully watched Caspar repeatedly and mechanically throw food into his mouth and barely even chew it before swallowing it down to shove the next fistful in, he hadn’t even touched his fork or knife since this second plate, too focused on getting as much as he could into himself at once as possible.

Caspar then let out another powerful burp. “Hhn wow Sylvain, you really do make a good cook...I feel stuffed.” he let his hefty mug of root beer down on the table with a thunk, his stomach had puffed out a considerable amount, stuffed, but not bloated, the magic already kicking in and helping to convert the food to fat immediately. His shirt strained against his noticeable pot belly, pectorals bloated and hardened nipples showing through. Before Sylvain could say anything Caspar began to squeeze the breasts of his newly fattened self and blushed when he had let out a moan of his own thumb passing over his nipple. Even though he had stopped eating Caspar’s body began to fill out just a bit more, a second chin appearing under him and his stomach now being squeezed on both sides of his chair and his shirt sliding up almost halfway his belly which looked like two scoops of icecream from the way it rolled over itself on his now grown belly button. Attempting to stand up the chair lifted with him and he had to force it down with a wince, his thighs and ass had filled out too and his pants were noticeably far too tight for him to walk straightly either, it was then that Sylvain noticed his impressive boner held up against him from his tight clothes.

“Sylvain…” Caspar mumbled in a sensual tone trying to cover himself in shame, arm over his man boobs, and another reaching to hide his dick, which didn’t do much for how his gut pushed his arm mostly out of reach. “I… I need you. I n-need you to help me. S-sylvain please. I need to be fucked right now.” as he finished he bucked his hips forward as if he was hardly in control of himself at this point.

Sylvain was red, he’d never seen someone so desperate for sex before, not Ashe and not even himself had ever looked so needy. It wasn’t just that Caspar was horny and wanted to fuck, it was that he needed to, he needed to be fucked right now before he overheated himself from not being able to release. “Let’s go back to my room first then ok-” Before Sylvain could finish Caspar’s eyes widened and he shook his head defiantly. “I c-can’t. P-please just now, do me now.” he pleaded almost as if he were about to cry. “Normally I’d say yes, but, I would prefer it if you could make it to my room first... It’s just too risky here. Caspar, please listen, you can make it that far right? It won’t take any longer than a minute to walk there.”

The thought of having to wait made tears come from Caspar’s eyes, rolling down his chubby cheeks as he desperately reached for Sylvains hand, who then guided him out the door. Sylvain was right. His room was one of the closest to the dining hall, and yet by the time he locked the door behind them, Caspar had begun to pant. Sylvain reached around him as best he could and helped him remove his shirt, and then his pants. As they slid off a noticeable jiggle ran through the underside of his belly and his full cock. On Sylvain’s bed Caspar felt helpless, he was so horny he couldn’t even bring himself to try and work himself. Sylvain thankfully, was quick to act, and immediately began to finger Caspar’s big fat ass as he gave head to his cock. The feeling of finally having Caspar’s body to him sent Sylvain into ecstasy, his dick filling his mouth with its length, and Caspar’s noises making him smile. Sylvain let Caspar’s dick slide sloppily out of his mouth, tickling the side of his cheek with a string of saliva stretching down from it.

Beginning to pull his fingers out of his hole, Sylvain stood up and turned away from Caspar. “Sylvain what are doing don’t leave me please k-keep going” Caspar barely finishing his words Sylvain had pressed his ass up against Caspar’s dick, and let it slide in. When it did Caspar left out a large mone and reached forward around Sylvain, hands barely reaching from his large belly, just barely making it to Sylvain’s sides. Caspar immediately starting bucking his hips into Sylvain who didn’t even have a chance to take action, all he could do was stand there as Caspar rocked against him. The feeling of his large belly pressing up against his ass and back, squeezing his cheeks as his dick worked his hole, tending his prostate nearly sent Sylvain over immediately, but he didn’t want it to end yet. He tried to stay composed but between the feeling of Caspar being inside him, Caspar, who he had made grow, and plead him to fuck him, was too much, and when Caspar had released his warm seed inside of him, feeling it fill him up, slightly seep through his stuffed hole it was too much. Sylvain closed his eyes and felt his cum rocket out of him in a long and full chunk, getting it all over the floor, and it pooling near his feet. The two of them, quicky feel asleep in bed together then later, wiped from the high of sex.

-----

The sun beginning to set by now, Sylvain woke up to Caspar shaking the bed, he was working his cock and his heavy weight made the bed rock like a boat. Light peering in from the windows Sylvain squinted. “Sylvain I need more. Sylvain I need more of you right now. I need you in me.” Caspar begged again, but instead of sounding needy, this time it sounded more like a demand, his tone huskier and longing. Sylvain could definitely go for more by now, and he didn’t waste any time to getting into position. Putting his dick into Caspar’s ass he moaned at how soft and squishy it felt. Reaching around the top of his torso he squeezed his hefty breasts. The speed of Sylvain’s dick working his ass was faster and more intense than what happened before, Sylvain was more confident in giving anal and his rocketing movements made Caspar feel bliss. His fat jiggling as the two of them shaked, feeling his body jiggle against itself as it did Caspar felt immensely satisfied. His size and weight were much greater than before, and it made him feel strong and fulfilled, being fucked like this made him feel like he’d won an award. “Sylvain you’re doing so good. G-god. Thank you.” Sylvain said nothing except a shaky moan, cumming inside of Caspar, and it spreading all over between the two of them, Caspar turned and lapped it up hungrily like a Kitten to a dish of milk, except it was sloppy like a dog at the same time. “I really wanted you to taste more of me you know.” Caspar said, guiding Sylvain down to his unfinished dick. Taking it into his mouth again, it didn’t take long for Caspar to release his semen all over him, it flooded out of his mouth despite swallowing a large deal of it and it made Sylvain feel full inside. And then again, the two sleepily dozed off beside each other.

#next part lindhardt will shame sylvain for being so lustful for caspar becoming fat #all 4 of them will fuck!#lindhardt/ashe/sylvain/caspar #weight gain #fat emblem #feeder emblem #forgot to tag before #sorry #lindhardt is trans in this fic

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ikn0wyouarebutwhatami · 6 years ago

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Naughty Alphabet ;o

@savnofilter , YOU HAVE UNLEASHED THE BEAST, PREPARE THYSELF FOR MINE WRITINGS. (That I hope are suitable to you lol) thanks for giving me that extra push to finally make my page!

Warnings: if you not into the naughties, get outta here before it’s too late.

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A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

•Will want v much to knock tf out bc you sucked all of the energy out of him, (thru his dick). But will tend to you until he is sure you are all set and good to knock out with him. (Make sure you go to the bathroom after, bring you a washcloth, help hold you up in the shower bc he fucked you so hard you couldn’t stand....) Aaaaand don’t forget the cuddles, doesn’t care how sweaty y’all are.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

•D-UUUH, his hands!! So he can sMaCk that delectable ass, which is definitely his favorite. Grope, jiggle, poke, the possibilities are endless. But tbh he’d find a way to enjoy you just the same even without access to his arms.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

•WOOOOOOO-EEEE, this boy don’t give a fuck about messes while having sex-it’s called doing the dirty for a reason. He’ll cum on you, make you cum on him, you won’t know what fluids belong where.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

•Its kind of hard to pinpoint a kinky type dirty secret on him bc I’m pretty sure he’d own it. But I’m gonna go ahead and say that he secretly loves when you take the reigns. He’d do anything to make you feel good, but it’s just as fun to watch you going to town, pleasing yourself by bouncing up and down on his dick, not allowing him any access to you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

•HAHAHAHAHA, he was a sweet boi until he met you. But, Katsuki is a very smart boy, and will have you writhing and begging under him in no time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

•D D D DOOOGGGY STYLE. He wants full access to that ass. Like mentioned earlier, he likes slapping it, groping it, watching Newton’s third fucking law of motion in play (google it and learn something new). Your ass, to him is fantASStic. And I bet he likes the sound of his balls slapping against your pussy too.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

•I can’t imagine you’d get anything more than a chuckle or two from him, and that’d probably be from how cute he thinks you are in the moment, or what a mess you are, undone by him. But if you initiated a joke or two, as it arises, I don’t think he’d mind and you might get a reaction. I really don’t think he’d appreciate it being continuous though.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

•BAKUBUSH FOR THE WIN! Groomed bush tho, it annoys him when it’s out of control and he doesn’t like the way it feels.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

•It might not be typical romantic, but I’m pretty positive that every time you guys do the deed, he looks at you like you are the only true thing in the world. He loves that you trust him enough and love him enough to let him be inside of you like this, that you feel he is good enough for you. Of course, the way he shows this is by fucking you mercilessly into the mattress.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

•Katsuki is whipped for you. (Though he’d never admit it). So if he doesn’t have access to you, or you are on vacation and he won’t be seeing you for a while, you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s gonna jack off if he needs to. And if he can, he’ll try to do facetime sex with you. If that’s not an option, he’ll do it in the shower to the thought of you. (Which sometimes he enjoys a lot because he can imagine whatever he wants to do to you, and how he’s gonna give it to you when he can see you again.)

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

•Ddlg!! You are daddy’s girl, (or whatever name you prefer), and you and your entire being belong to him, and he loves making you understand that, and hearing you admit it and moan it out of those pretty lips of yours.

•Another one might be you dressing up and looking nice to go somewhere. Like a fancy cocktail party, or one of the hero galas he gets invited to. You guys are always late and everyone always knows why. He loves seeing you stand tall and proud, stomping in those heels and swaying those hips, ready to stab someone’s eye out if they look at you wrong.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

•E V E R Y W H E R E.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

•Anything that has to do with you. But the number one way to get him riled up is to play with him. Like playing dumb and dropping something in front of him, or “accidentally” brushing against his dick when you stand up, stuff like that. And playing hard to get.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

•He won’t share you, or himself with anyone else, so no threesomes or anything like that. He needs to have you all to himself.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

•I’m gonna say it’s an even split between the two. Either way, he wins. He gets to see you wiggle and unwind by his doing, getting himself worked up in the process, or just being straight up blessed every time you decide to go down on him in return. But he really does love just watching the way you react, in either scenario.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

•Will almost always want and do it fast and rough, but if you’re in need of some tender love, he’ll give it to you slow and sensual. Which will probably drive you nuts and it’ll eventually end up fast and hard anyways.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

•He’d rather have proper sex because it’s more fun, but he’ll take what he can get, just to be with you. Quickies happen more often when you guys are out and about and he really needs a piece of you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

•Bakuboi is a good boi, he doesn’t like breaking rules. So when it comes to doing it in public, it has to be in a place where no ones is gonna catch you guys. (Though he doesn’t really mind the thought of someone catching him giving it to you, cuz no one else can.) As for sexy time introductions of new ideas and toys? To me, he’s a “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type of guy, but if you want to try something he’s willing to do, he’ll do it.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

•I really think that for any human being, it depends on what kind of mood/day they’ve had. But for a good day? Hours. A really good day? You won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

•Nah, he’s fully confident he can give you all the pleasure you need by himself. He has to be the best after all.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

•Bring some tissues bc he’ll drive you to crying for release.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

•Katsuki has them sexy grunts, the deep rumble growls that come from his chest, and the occasional curse word. If you guys are on the younger side, I wouldn’t be surprised if his voice cracked as he came.

W = Wild Card (Get a random head-canon for the character of your choice)

•If you got angry with him and denied him sex for a while, he will once again convert into Lord Explosion Murder Guy. He will be on the war path, probably throw himself into work to forget about how fucking horny he is, and everybody should keep at least five feet of distance from him at all times. He probably won’t even be able to relieve himself because he’s so angry he’s scared he’ll blow his dick off.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

•I don’t think he’s the longest cucumber in the patch, definitely above average but not a horse. But he got that girth. Even if you’ve tossed around your share of cucumbers, I’m pretty sure you’re going to have to work up to fit around him.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

•....It gets lower as he gets older, but set aside a private fund between you two for condoms.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

•I firmly believe that he is actually a perpetually sleepy boi, he will knock tf as soon as you are ready to do so with him.

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A/N: I’m not always this ‘silly’ but this is my first post and it’s the way I preferred to do something like this. Please feel free to send in requests and asks and comments and what not, just be patient with me! I hope the format wasn’t confusing, I’ve never used the text posts on tumblr so I don’t know all of the features yet, otherwise I would have added a cut.

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miicrobiology-blog · 5 years ago

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introductory biology properties

I’m madly in love with our biological surroundings and everything in it, from the massive trees to the tiniest of microbes. The sheer diversity of living things boggles my mind but it makes me appreciate everything ten-fold. This post generally introduces the key biological concepts that define life.

Some learning objectives to keep in mind when reading this post: a) List and describe the eight properties of living things. b) Define homeostasis and discuss its importance to living organisms. c) Differentiate reproduction, growth & development, adaptation, and evolution. d) Interpret whether viruses could be classified as a living organism or not.

1. Order

The organization of living things tends to direct what that thing will do and how it lives. Down to the atomic level, the subatomic particles make up elements and compounds that dictate the organism’s structure, its reactive chemistry, and its intrinsic ability to obey the laws of physics. Organisms can be simple unicellular organisms more complex as a multicellular being. The different order of atoms, elements, compounds, cellular organelles, and cells set the scene for the prescribed structure and function of the organism.

2. Response to Stimuli

This is another property of living organisms that classifies them as “living.” They need some way to respond to their immediate environment to let them continue surviving, which can be carried out a plethora of ways. Humans have sense organs like the eyes, ears, nose, skin (embedded with many types of receptors), and the tongue to send sensory information from these organs to the brain for processing, then sending the appropriate signals to the body according to the brain’s interpretation. For example, a bad taste can alert you that the food you just ate is rotten or poisonous, or a hot pan shouldn’t be touched; these situations help promote your survivability in your environment. Probably more exemplary of stimuli response mechanisms are the taxis concepts: aerotaxis (oxygen), gravitaxis (gravity), hydrotaxis (water/moisture), magnetotaxis (magnetism), phototaxis (light), and so on.

3. Reproduction

As we might be well aware of, reproduction continues an organism’s lineage and passes on genetic information either sexually or asexually (and very rarely through parthenogenesis - read this neat article about these “virgin births” in lizard [Harmon, 2010]). These processes should trigger your memory about mitosis and meiosis, along with DNA replication and the principles of genetics, which I will gladly cover in another post!

4. Adaptation

Another concept intertwined with reproduction and evolution is adaptation. The simplest way to explain this is that each organism fits into its environment as it suits their ability to survive and reproduce. Arctic hares thrive in the cold climate of the tundra and are active all year round, while some extremophile archaea are adapted to the extremely high- or low-temperature environments. As a microbiologist, please read over this article “Living at the Extremes: Extremophiles and the Limits in a Planetary Context” to gain an appreciation of living organisms being able to adapt to literally all types of environments, like temperatures, pressures, pH, and salinity (Merino et al., 2019). An important thing to keep in mind is that adaptation is ongoing as environments tend to change.

5. Growth & Development

Because cells undergo cell division, you might expect that multicellular organisms will grow as more cells are produced. This, of course, depends on the instructions contained within the genetic material of each cell, but generally organisms will grow and develop over time. You can see this in humans, obviously, as we develop from the fertilized egg, into a fetus, into a baby, toddler, child, adolescent, adult, and older adult. Plants continue through various stages, starting from a seed to grow into a young seedling and onwards to a mature, reproducing plant (of course there are many variations depends on the type of plant). The general idea here is that living organisms progress through various stages where they advance through cellular growth and development.

6. Homeostasis

From the Greek homoisos/homeo (like/similar) and stasis (stoppage), homeostasis is the carefully maintained normal range of functioning that is critical for the survival of living things, as seen in temperature, pH, chemical and ionic concentrations, etc. I like to think of this concept as a “steady state” where the internal mechanisms of a living thing are kept relatively constant. There is small degree of leeway, as seen in the normal range of body temperature between 97-99 degrees F (36-37.2 degrees C; though there is also the consideration of varying normal levels for each individual where one person’s normal temperature is 97 so their homeostatic range might be between 96 and 98 degrees). Anyway, this maintenance of a normal range is critical for survival as cells contain proteins (i.e., enzymes) that are able to function optimally at a specific temperature, pH, and ion concentrations. Any deviance from the normal range can throw off homeostatic balance and cause the body to go into crisis mode.

7. Energy Processing

All living things require energy to carry out cellular metabolic activities. Plants use the sun’s energy and convert it into chemical energy to integrate it into photosynthesis that ultimately makes useable sugars and other important metabolic intermediates. Humans need to harvest energy from secondary sources (food) because we unfortunately cannot use the sun’s energy for our inner metabolism, except for vitamin D synthesis but that’s a different story. The point here is that all organisms rely on some sort of energy source to power the cellular activities that govern pretty much cellular survival and organismal survival.

8. Evolution

Tying many of these concepts together results in evolution, the theory that all species are related at one point and have deviated through natural selection and adaptation. Random mutations in the genetic material might lead to positive changes that confer a benefit to the organism in its survivability over others, and if it successfully breeds and passes on this beneficial information to its offspring, this new characteristic can contribute to a change in the population of the organism (hence, natural selection). This is such an interesting topic and I will definitely make a few posts about this theory and the arguments for and against it to be completely objective.

Notice how a bunch of these concepts end up relating back to reproduction? This is an interesting and open-ended question to consider, but it mainly refers to the biologically-ingrained need to reproduce and pass on genetic material. Why??? It promotes diversity with the chance that the replication mechanisms make a mistake (mutations) and create new, interesting features of an organism (or, on the flip side, completely devastate the organism to the point of unviability), and still leads to more questions about why life exists and why we have such a desire to answer deep questions. Another question to ponder, as it relates to both this post and in our current world situation: do you think viruses should be classified as living organisms or non-living things?

References:

Harmon, K. (2010). No sex needed: All-female lizard species cross their chromosomes to make babies. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/asexual-lizards/

Merino, N., Aronson, H. S., Bojanova, D. P., Feyhl-Buska, J., Wong, M. L., Zhang, S., & Giovannelli, D. (2019). Living at the extremes: Extremophiles and the limits of life in a planetary context. Front. Microbiol., 10(780). https://doi.org/10.3389/fmicb.2019.00780

#biology #ap biology #college biology #life #science #learning #general biology

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dinakaplan · 6 years ago

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Are Sweet Potatoes Good for You? Everything You Need to Know

Sweet potatoes are a favorite fall food. But are sweet potatoes good for you and should you be eating them year-round? Here’s what you need to know about sweet potato nutrition, sweet potato health benefits, and more.

When I was a kid growing up in British Columbia, my kale and turnip-loving parents didn’t feed us processed sugar of any kind.

But once in a while, on a special occasion, we’d have sweet potatoes. When they were baking in the oven, our tiny cabin would fill with warmth (which was its own special treat, especially in the Canadian winter!) and the exquisite smell of sweet-potatoey goodness.

Clearly, I’m extremely fond of sweet potatoes. So when I decided to write an article about them, I had to check all my happy memories at the keyboard and look at the evidence.

Are sweet potatoes good for you? Are there any sweet potato health benefits? Where do they come from?

How can we prepare them, aside from in holiday casseroles and pies? And most confusing of all (to almost everyone), what’s the difference between sweet potatoes and yams?

Meet the Sweet Potato

iStock.com/smartstock

Sweet potatoes (Ipomoea batatas) are large, starchy, sweet-tasting vegetables. They actually belong to the morning glory family.

Despite the shared name, sweet potatoes are only distantly related to the potatoes used to make French fries or potato chips. Non-sweet potatoes (including red, white, and Yukon gold varieties) are part of the edible nightshade family. Other members include tomatoes, tomatillos, eggplants, peppers, pimentos, and Goji berries.

Sweet potatoes are root tubers. Other root tubers include beets, carrots, parsnips, celeriac, and turnips. Root tubers store water and energy, like starch and other carbohydrates, underground. They draw upon these resources to feed the aboveground parts of the plant.

The Origin of the Sweet Potato

Sweet potatoes are some of the oldest foods known to humanity.

They are native to Central and South America. We have fossil evidence that sweet potatoes were growing in the Americas 35 million years ago. But very recently, scientists discovered 57-million-year-old leaf fossils in India that appear to be ancient morning glory leaves. This could beat the American claim as the point of origin of the sweet potato family by about 22 million years.

Wherever and whenever they originated, and however they have traveled the globe, I’m incredibly thankful that most of us have sweet potatoes in our lives today.

What’s the Difference Between a Sweet Potato and a Yam?

People often mistakenly refer to sweet potatoes as “yams.” But these two plants aren’t actually related at all.

Yams are related to grasses and lilies and native to Africa and Asia. They’re usually cylindrical with black or brown, rough, bark-like skin, and white, purple, or red flesh. Sweet potatoes have characteristic tapered ends with smoother skin.

You can find sweet potatoes at just about any grocery store. However, in North America and Europe, you will only find true yams stocked at international and specialty markets.

You might be thinking, “but I see yams at my grocery store all the time” — and you’d be right that they’re labeled that way. But this label is deceiving.

There are actually two types of sweet potatoes in most mainstream produce sections: firm and soft. Grocers needed a way to differentiate between the two types. The soft kind, which includes the Garnet and Jewel varieties, resemble yams. This is how they picked up the false name.

How Many Sweet Potato Varieties Exist?

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While most supermarkets carry one or two different types of sweet potatoes, about 25 varieties are available in the United States. And I was amazed to discover that this represents only a tiny fraction of the total diversity of sweet potatoes.

The sweet potato geeks of the world may be fascinated to know that the International Potato Center in Peru maintains a gene bank consisting of over 6,500 varieties of sweet potato. I don’t know about you, but personally, I wish I could try them all!

Sweet potato varieties range in color from dark red to brown to purple to orange-yellow to white. They also have different tastes, sizes, shapes, and textures.

Here are Just a Few of the Most Popular Types of Sweet Potatoes:

Garnet, Jewel, and Beauregard sweet potatoes have reddish-orange skin and deep orange flesh. These are often the ones masquerading as yams at mainstream grocery stores. Who knew sweet potatoes could be so sneaky?

White sweet potatoes are crumbly, with white flesh and golden brown skin. They don’t contain as many antioxidants as orange varieties.

Okinawan sweet potatoes are also known as purple sweet potatoes because of their high anthocyanin content. Anthocyanins are the pigments that give red, blue, and violet plant foods their beautiful colors. Anthocyanins are also what give Okinawan potatoes 150% more antioxidant power than blueberries.

Despite their name, Okinawan potatoes are actually native to the Americas. They were brought over to Japan sometime in the 16th century, where they grow well and have become a staple in Japanese dishes. In North America, you will most likely find true purple sweet potatoes in an Asian supermarket.

Japanese or Satsumaimo sweet potatoes are known for being sweeter than most other types. This is especially true when they start caramelizing in the oven.

Sweet potatoes are very hardy vegetables. They’re able to grow at many altitudes, in many climates, and under compromised soil conditions. Even if you don’t have the greenest of thumbs, sweet potatoes are pretty forgiving with just a little TLC.

What Makes a Sweet Potato Sweet?

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Have you ever smelled a sweet potato caramelize in the oven or used them to make a pie or a cake?

If so, you know that even though they aren’t related to what we think of as potatoes, at least the “sweet” part of their name is entirely appropriate.

When you heat sweet potatoes, an enzyme starts breaking down their starch into a sugar called maltose. Maltose isn’t as sweet as table sugar. But it’s enough to satisfy a sweet tooth that hasn’t been entirely overwhelmed by M&M’s and Hershey’s Kisses.

You can control the sweetness of sweet potatoes somewhat by how you cook them. Cooking sweet potatoes quickly (for instance, by steaming them or cutting them into smaller pieces before roasting) can reduce their ultimate sweetness.

On the other hand, cooking sweet potatoes slowly on low heat will allow that maltose-making enzyme more time to convert the starch into sugar — giving you sweeter sweet potatoes.

Looking for even more control over the sweetness? The sweet potato enzyme is activated once they reach around 135°F and stops working at around 170°F. (That’s 57° to 77°C). So the more time they spend in that range, the sweeter they’ll be.

Are Sweet Potatoes Good for You?

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The people of Okinawa, Japan have traditionally enjoyed one of the highest life expectancies in the world. I discovered this when my dad was researching his book Healthy at 100: The Scientifically Proven Secrets of the World’s Healthiest and Longest-Lived Peoples.

One of those secrets, it turns out, is lots and lots of sweet potatoes. The traditional Okinawan diet consists of minimal meat, dairy, eggs, and processed foods. Instead, they eat mostly whole plant foods. And they get a remarkable 60% of their calories from sweet potatoes alone.

It’s partly because of this high-fiber and antioxidant-rich dietary pattern that Okinawans enjoy such a long lifespan. Living to be one hundred years or older is not uncommon in Okinawa. Okinawans also experience less chronic disease than Americans do — with significantly fewer deaths from heart disease and cancers of the colon, breast, and prostate.

Traditional Papua New Guinea Highlanders have also been known to eat a lot of sweet potatoes. In fact, tubers like sweet potatoes and yams provide 90% of their calories!

They don’t eat much, if any, meat either. How has a sweet potato-based diet affected their health?

A study published in the Journal of Internal Medicine in 1994 found that, when these native groups still followed this traditional way of eating, they enjoyed lower blood pressure and weight than Westerners. And they almost never experienced heart disease, strokes, or other modern chronic diseases.

So are sweet potatoes good for you? Yes, they are!

What makes them so good for you?

Sweet Potato Nutrition

Sweet potatoes are high in fiber, vitamin C, potassium, pantothenic acid (vitamin B5), niacin (vitamin B3), vitamin B6, manganese, magnesium, and copper.

They get their orange color from beta-carotene, which is a pigment and antioxidant. Sweet potatoes also contain a modest but helpful amount of protein — around four grams per cup when cooked.

When compared to white potatoes, sweet potatoes offer more vitamins and antioxidants. Surprisingly, considering their sweeter taste, they also have a mildly lower glycemic index score. This makes them slower to digest.

But the greatest sweet potato nutritional glory of all may be its rich supply of vitamin A. A single sweet potato offers over double the daily value for vitamin A.

Sweet Potatoes Are Remarkably High in Vitamin A

Worldwide, vitamin A deficiency is the leading cause of preventable blindness in children. An estimated 250,000 to 500,000 children become blind every year due to a lack of this critical nutrient. Half of these children die within a year of losing their sight.

Hoping to solve this problem (and with perhaps a few other less noble motives in the mix), over the last several decades, biotechnology companies, governments, foundations, and scientists have spent hundreds of millions of dollars attempting to develop and popularize “golden rice.”

This is a form of rice that’s been genetically engineered to provide beta-carotene (a precursor to vitamin A). Despite decades of effort, the product still hasn’t reached the market.

How ironic that this same effort could have gotten sweet potatoes and the means to grow them into the hands of most of the impoverished families now suffering from vitamin A deficiency. Of course, that wouldn’t have made biotech company, Syngenta, any money. But it would have helped a whole lot more people than golden rice ever has, and most likely, ever will.

News flash: The biotech industry and its supporters have long promoted GMO golden rice as an urgently needed solution to vitamin A deficiency. But in late 2018, in a surprising twist, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) concluded its consultation process on golden rice by informing the current developers, the International Rice Research Institute (IRRI), that golden rice does not meet the nutritional requirements to make a health claim.

In effect, the FDA was saying that GMO golden rice offers no meaningful nutritional benefits.

Which again raises the question: How much better off would people be if the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on developing golden rice had instead been used to support the growth of sweet potatoes, carrots, and other vitamin A-rich vegetables in parts of the world where vitamin A deficiencies are a problem?

10 Incredible Sweet Potato Health Benefits

The unique nutritional profile of sweet potatoes makes them powerful allies in preventing disease and supporting overall health.

Here are some health benefits of adding sweet potatoes to your diet.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #1: They Support Digestive Health

Sweet potatoes are an excellent source of fiber, especially when you eat the skin. Fiber is important for your digestive health, preventing constipation and serious diseases, such as colon cancer.

One medium sweet potato has six grams of dietary fiber. They also contain resistant starch, a type of starch that plays a role in feeding your body’s “good” bacteria.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #2: They Keep Your Heart Healthy

The high fiber content of sweet potatoes can lower LDL (bad) cholesterol levels, helping to prevent cardiovascular disease.

Sweet potatoes are also high in potassium, which works in balance with sodium in your body to maintain healthy blood pressure.

They’re also high in copper, an essential metal for making red blood cells and keeping your heart healthy. Low levels of copper have been linked to dangerously high homocysteine, blood pressure, and LDL cholesterol levels.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #3: They Help Stabilize Blood Sugar

The fiber and complex carbohydrates in sweet potatoes can help keep your blood sugar stable. And it can help you feel full longer. Sweet potato varieties also contain other substances that benefit stable blood sugar.

A 2004 study published in Diabetes Care successfully used Caiapo, an extract from white sweet potatoes, to naturally reduce and manage blood glucose in people with type 2 diabetes.

The 30 participants who were given 4 grams of Caiapo every day for 12 weeks saw a decrease in their HbA(1c) (going from 7.21 to 6.68), fasting blood glucose (143.7 vs. 128.5), and two-hour blood glucose (193.3 vs.162.8). The 31 participants who were given a placebo instead saw no such results.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #4: They Can Boost Your Immunity

Sweet potatoes are rich in antioxidants that prevent free radical damage in your body.

One cup of baked sweet potato contains 52% of your daily value for vitamin C, which is important for wound healing and tissue repair.

And the vitamin A in sweet potatoes helps your body make immune cells that stave off infections and disease and have anti-tumor effects. Purple sweet potatoes contain especially potent antioxidants.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #5: They Are Good for Your Eyes

Sweet potatoes contain several nutrients that have been linked to improved eye health and vision. Some of the most powerful are the carotenoids. They include alpha-carotene, beta-carotene, lutein, and zeaxanthin.

Beta-carotene, when taken as a supplement in isolation from the other carotenoids, can cause imbalances. But when eaten in foods, where it is always accompanied by, and in balance with, an entire suite of carotenoids, it’s been shown to have powerful anti-cancer and vision-enhancing properties.

Orange sweet potatoes (as well as other orange plants, including carrots) have particularly high concentrations of carotenoids.

It’s not just the orange sweet potatoes that are good for your vision, though. A class of anthocyanins called PSPA, derived from purple sweet potato roots, might also benefit your eyes.

A study published in Food & Nutrition Research in 2015 looked at whether PSPA could influence the health and growth of human retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells.

Why does this matter? The RPE is responsible for helping your eyes absorb light. It also directs immune response when faced with a threat to eye health. The researchers found that PSPA promoted DNA synthesis and healthy RPE cell growth and survival. They concluded that PSPA could potentially find use as a supplement for maintaining healthy vision.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #6: They Fuel Your Brain

Sweet potatoes also contain compounds that help your brain function at its best, including choline and manganese.

Choline is an essential nutrient for brain growth and development, as well as the synthesis of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine that sends messages between cells.

Manganese is also important for brain health. It binds to neurotransmitters and helps move electrical impulses through your body faster. You can find 43% of your daily value of manganese in one cup of baked sweet potato.

The anthocyanins unique to purple sweet potatoes may also have memory-enhancing properties.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #7: They Can Help Ease Stress and Anxiety

Sweet potatoes may help you relax. They’re high in magnesium, which has been shown to play a role in calming the brain. Magnesium deficiency has been linked to depression, mood disturbances, and headaches.

Other good sources of magnesium include avocados, legumes, tofu, nuts, seeds, and leafy greens.

(I’m dreaming right now of a loaded baked sweet potato piled high with a soft nut cheeze, avocado, a drizzle of flax oil, and a sprinkle of seasoning. It’s also accompanied by some freshly steamed and piping hot leafy greens for a delicious, magnesium-rich meal.)

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #8: They Can Help Boost Fertility

Vitamin A is an essential nutrient for healthy reproduction. And as we know, sweet potatoes are a fantastic source.

Sweet potatoes also offer a rich supply of iron, which has also been shown to be important in supporting fertility.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #9: They Can Help Fight Cancer

Sweet potatoes are a rich source of cancer-fighting antioxidants, especially in their skin. They have other anti-cancer properties, too.

Up to 80% of the protein in sweet potatoes is a type of storage protein known as sporamin. This unique protein has been studied for anti-cancer ability and found to be effective in several disease types.

Research has been promising in the use of sporamin to inhibit tongue, gallbladder, and colorectal cancers. It has also been shown capable of slowing cancer cell growth and reducing cell migration and invasion in metastatic cancers.

Sweet potato peels, particularly those of the purple varieties, may be especially powerful when it comes to cancer prevention.

A study published in Nutrition and Cancer in 2016 looked at the antioxidant and anti-cancer effects of an extract from sweet potato peels. They found promising anti-cancer activity for cancers of the breast, colon, ovary, lung, and head/neck.

Sweet Potato Health Benefit #10: They Have Anti-Inflammatory Effects

Eating sweet potatoes may also help reduce inflammation.

This is chiefly due to their high levels of beta-carotene, vitamin C, and magnesium. Their abundance of antioxidants doesn’t hurt here, either.

One of the particular antioxidants that’s found most abundantly in purple sweet potato flesh is cyanidin. Cyanidin has been linked to reducing inflammation, especially in the digestive tract.

How to Choose and Store Sweet Potatoes

Next time you shop for sweet potatoes, here are a few things to keep in mind.

When you pick one up, take a close look at its skin (no, you don’t have to pack your magnifying glass). It should all be mostly the same color without visible signs of decay or cracking.

Give it a little squeeze. You don’t want your sweet potato to be squishy anywhere, as this could indicate rotting.

When you get your sweet potatoes home, make them a nice place to rest in a basket on your countertop or pantry. You should keep them dry and cool (room temperature, not refrigerated).

Typically, you should use sweet potatoes within a few weeks of purchase.

The Best Way to Prepare Sweet Potatoes

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Maybe you eat sweet potatoes regularly. Or maybe you only think of them as a seasonal side dish.

Me? I’ve enjoyed a baked sweet potato for breakfast with a delicious organic tofu chive spread on it. Or for lunch with salad dressing or a peanut curry sauce. Or as a base for dinner, or even dessert.

I haven’t tried a steamed sweet potato smoothie (although, come to think of it, maybe I should!). Sweet potatoes are delicious, incredibly versatile, and you can eat them in more ways than you think.

You can prepare them by boiling, steaming, baking, stir-frying, grilling, or cooking and mashing.

But the bottom line is: You just might want to cook sweet potatoes in whatever makes you most likely to eat — and enjoy them.

The only way I’d recommend not preparing sweet potatoes is by deep-frying them. This isn’t the healthiest way to cook food anyway. But for sweet potatoes, it can actually lead to the creation of acrylamide — a potential carcinogen.

If it works well with your recipe, try leaving the skin on for some potent fiber and nutrients. Sweet potato skin is also full of antioxidants. In fact, sweet potato skin may have over 10 times the antioxidant power of the flesh inside.

Including a few grams of fat in your sweet potato recipes can significantly increase the amount of beta-carotene your body absorbs from the meal. Just use a small amount of nut butter, avocado, olive oil (if you use oil), or have a fat source in the same meal.

5 Healthy Sweet Potato Recipes

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My mouth is watering as I think about all the ways you can prepare sweet potatoes.

Check out some of these healthy recipes if you want some delicious ideas.

Oil-Free Baked Sweet Potato Fries from the Conscious Eater

These healthy, seasoned, oil-free fries take little time to prepare and could pair well with just about any meal.

Sweet Potato Casserole with Herbed Mushroom Stuffing from Forks Over Knives

Sweet potatoes provide the base of this filling, nutrient-packed casserole layered with mushrooms, onions, cranberries, and savory herbs.

Berry-Stuffed Breakfast Sweet Potato from Forks Over Knives

Sweet potatoes may not be a traditional breakfast, but this hearty recipe will have you starting your day with a slew of antioxidants and a nice, warm belly.

Sweet Potato Coconut Curry Soup from Minimalist Baker

Here’s a sweet and creamy soup with a little bit of spice and fewer than 10 ingredients.

Healthy Sweet Potato Pie from Chocolate Covered Katie

You don’t only have to reserve your sweet potato pie consumption for the holidays. Enjoy this flavorful, filling, healthier dessert any time of year.

Sweeten Your Health with Sweet Potatoes

Fiber, complex carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals are essential for good health. And sweet potatoes are a fantastic way to add them to your diet.

Many of us have ancestors who reaped their benefits for a very long time, and there’s certainly no need to stop now. Luckily, sweet potatoes are affordable, easy to use and store, and available in many parts of the world all year long.

Sounds pretty sweet to me!

Tell us in the comments:

Did any of the sweet potato health benefits surprise you?

Will you eat more sweet potatoes now?

What’s your favorite way to enjoy sweet potatoes?

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Read Next:

Are potatoes healthy? The surprising truth about this controversial vegetable

[Read More ...] https://foodrevolution.org/blog/sweet-potato-health-benefits/

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paleorecipecookbook · 6 years ago

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11 Ways to Enjoy Sweet Potatoes

Sweet potatoes have quickly risen through the ranks of the superfood world. Paleo-friendly and insanely versatile, we just can’t get enough of this popular tuber!

These powerful veggies are made up of complex carbohydrates that help balance your energy output throughout the day. Good sources of complex carbs like these sweet treats help keep your blood sugar levels steady without dips or spikes.

The vibrant orange hue of these tubers tells you right away that they are a fantastic source of beta carotene. Beta carotene converts into vitamin A in your body, which provides some fantastic anti-aging benefits.

Chock-full of fiber, vitamin C, vitamin B6, and potassium, it’s pretty easy to see why sweet potatoes are on the superfood list. (1) Sweet potatoes are also one of the best sources of antioxidants in the vegetable world. (2) What’s not to love?

Sweet Potatoes vs. Yams

Sweet potatoes are sweet, starchy tuberous vegetables that vary in hue from orange, white, and purple. The long, slender, orange variety, dubbed “yams”, are actually not yams at all, but, in fact, sweet potatoes.

When the long, slender, orange sweet potato was introduced to the United States, the name yam came into play to help differentiate between the color varieties of sweet potatoes.

A true yam is of the Dioscorea genus and grown in tropical climates. Rough with thick, fibrous skin, with white to rosy or purple-hued flesh, true yams must be cooked in order to be consumed. They’re poisonous otherwise. (3)

Although yams are growing more and more common in the U.S., they are usually found in the international sections of your grocer.

Sweet Potatoes: 11 Different Ways to Eat Them

Mega-nutritious and completely satisfying, you can enjoy sweet potatoes prepared in a savory fashion or sweet, as the name suggests. Try them baked the classic way, or dressed up with complementing spices, fruits, sauces and herbs! Here are 11 ways to enjoy these sweet spuds.

Baked Sweet Potatoes

If you’re a veteran sweet potato lover, then you need not look further than the purist preparation: the baked sweet potato.

Preheat your oven to 375°F. Line a sheet pan with parchment paper, then prick your scrubbed and dried sweet potato with a fork a few times all over and place on the sheet pan. Into the oven they go for an hour or more.

Roast until impossibly tender and even to the point the caramelized natural sugars run down the sides. Split the sweet potato open and dab with grass-fed butter, coconut oil, coconut manna, sea salt, maple syrup – whatever you pleasure may be!

Twice-Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

This preparation is rather elegant and a great way to make a showstopper presentation out of our beloved baked sweet potato. The twice-stuffed potato essentially involves roasting, scooping, seasoning and then piping back into the shell. Here is how it goes:

Roast your sweet potato to perfection (as we discussed above) and be sure to throw an extra potato or two on the pan to ensure that you will have ample filling.

Let your roasted sweet potatoes cool down a bit before handling. Halve and scoop the flesh from each half, leaving enough behind in the skin to reinforce a sturdy shape for your filling.

To the scooped flesh, add an egg, butter, salt, maple syrup and preferred spices. Whisk until very smooth, almost like a thick frosting. If you need to add a bit of coconut milk or other preferred milk to achieve this texture, please do so.

Fill a piping bag fitted with a tip with the seasoned filling, and pipe artfully back into your potato skins. Bake once more for 20 minutes at 350°F.

Your twice-stuffed potato will be slightly puffed and completely delicious. Top with herbs, pomegranate seed and pecans, or even a tasty stone fruit relish.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes

A sweet potato purée, or rustic mash, is a fantastic carrier for your favorite animal protein and vegetarian entrees. Serve with chicken, steaks, meatloaf, meatballs, fish filets, roasted veggies, and Portobello mushroom steaks.

Simply scoop the flesh from the roasted potatoes and whisk it in, or use a fork to mash it. Add grass-fed butter, salt, and a bit of coconut or hemp milk to make it all the more creamy.

If you dig the combination of sweet and savory, try adding a touch of cinnamon, smoked paprika and maple syrup to this mash-up as well. You can also keep leftover purée on hand to make Paleo pancakes and breads. It’s even a great egg replacement for your favorite Paleo baking recipes.

Sweet Potato Chips

If you crave crunchy and satisfying, there’s sweet potato chips. You can season them with warming spices or stick to a light sprinkle of Himalayan sea salt; both are delicious choices but the trick lies in the slicing.

To get your slices ultra-thin, as well as uniform so your chips will crisp up at the same time, opt for a mandolin. My number one rule is to go slow, practice, and keep your eye on the prize.

Mandolins are fantastic tools for any home cook to create ultra-thin and uniform slices of all of your favorite veggies. Unless you have superior knife skills, investing in a mandolin is a game changer.

Preheat your oven to 400°F, toss your slices with melted coconut oil and preferred seasonings, and be sure to spread them out on a parchment-lined sheet pan in a single layer with plenty of room between slices so you create crispy, not steamed, chips.

Keep an eye on your chips over the course of 10 to 20 minutes, agitate them a few times and rotate the pan halfway through. Enjoy with guacamole, soup or straight from the pan!

Sweet Potato Fries

For quick sweet potato fries, preheat the oven to 400°F. Slice sweet potatoes into matchstick-sized pieces and place them in a bowl with melted ghee, salt and pepper. Feel free to add any of your favorite seasonings here – paprika and garlic powder taste great! When the fries are evenly coated, place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake for 10 minutes until crispy.

PS: You can transform sweet potatoes into curly fries, too!

Sweet Potato Soup

A sweet potato and roasted red pepper soup with cashew milk is creamy, unique and satisfying. Start with grass-fed butter and sauté your mirepoix (carrot, celery, onion) until tender.

Add chopped sweet potato, skin and all, along with jarred, or home-roasted, sweet red bell peppers. Cover with chicken stock, bone broth, or vegetable stock and simmer for 20 minutes or until tender.

Add to a high-powered blender with a handful of soaked cashews and some water. Blend until ultra-smooth.

Tip: A blended soup should be the texture of heavy cream, so you may need more water than you think!

Add your perfectly-blended soup back to your pot and season with salt to taste. Add a squeeze of lemon to balance and add a touch of acidity to your soup. Now you’re ready to cozy up with your favorite chair in front of the fire!

Sweet Potato Salad

Potato salad is always a fan favorite. In the colder seasons, I love to make sweet potato salad with warming spices and homemade aioli with lots of Dijon mustard.

There are plenty of Paleo mayos on the market, as well as some amazing hacks to make your own avocado or cashew-based mayo swap.

To really amp up your potato salad game, try using purple, white and golden varieties. Chop and roast your favorite varieties of sweet potato and throw into a large mixing bowl.

Add plenty of salt and warm spices like allspice, coriander and cumin. Chop fresh savory, rosemary, sage, and thyme along with garlic and red onion, and a couple small handfuls of your favorite seeds or nuts like pecans, pumpkin seeds, pine nuts or black sesame.

Stir in plenty of aioli, a bit of apple cider vinegar and another handful of either dried tart cherries, cranberries or even pomegranate seeds.

Let sit in the fridge for an hour or two before enjoying; the flavors will marry and you will have yourself a very tasty, Paleo-friendly sweet potato salad.

Sweet Potato Paleo Pie

This is a homey, satisfying and just sweet enough treat to enjoy throughout this entire holiday season. It’s indulgent, but loaded with healthy perks.

Delightfully familiar if you are a pumpkin pie fan, sweet potato pie will satisfy that craving and then some. Try this easy Paleo recipe for Sweet Potato Pecan Pie here.

Sweet Potato Latkes

Latkes are traditionally made with potatoes and served with applesauce and sour cream. These sweet potato versions are delightful when served traditionally, but I prefer to eat with an egg-over-medium plonked on top. Enjoy these sweet potato latkes as a breakfast, a side or a quick snack.

Shred scrubbed and dried sweet potatoes with a box grater until you have about one cup. Add shreds to a bowl with one egg and 1 tablespoon of coconut flour.

Zest and juice one lemon and add a large pinch of sea salt. Add your favorite herbs and spices to taste. I like to use seasonings like cumin, crushed garlic, fresh sage, or allspice.

Stir your mixture until just incorporated. Heat a high-heat oil, like avocado or coconut oil, in a sauté pan over medium-high heat. There should be enough oil that it comes about half the way up the latke when in the pan.

Working quickly, scoop a couple tablespoons of your mixture into the hot oil and spread out to form a nice, round layer, not more than a ¼-inch in thickness. Add as many more as you can to the pan as long as there is plenty of room between latkes so you can flip with ease as well as ensure a nice golden color on each side.

Keep an eye on the heat and oil as you take out the finished latkes and add more to the pan. You must allow new oil to come back up to a hot temperature before adding new batter to the pan. Drain on paper towels and top with your favorite additions or enjoy right away.

Sweet Potato Crostini

Using sweet potatoes as a landing site for all sorts of toppings is a fail-safe, Paleo crowd pleaser! Try slicing and roasting a slice of sweet potato and serve piled high with some fabulously delicious toppings.

Swapping the common toast point for a perfectly roasted round of a sweet potato will let your Paleo buddies dive into holiday platters with ease. Some great toppings are pestos, nut butters, savory fruit relishes, dips and other thick sauces like tapenades or guacamole.

Sweet Potato Noodles

Sweet potatoes shredded into long, luxurious “noodles” have proven to be worth their salt in the decadence department. You can use a spiralizer to make these noodles, or even a vegetable peeler to create long strands that are Paleo-friendly and hold up to classic pasta sauces.

You can blanch these noodles quickly, or enjoy marinated or even raw. Sweet potatoes can carry a multitude of flavors and pair so nicely with classic tomato sauces, vegan-style cashew cream-based Alfredos and most certainly pestos.

(Make This Next: Paleo Sweet Potato Casserole)

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ladymiseria · 5 years ago

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Smut Alphabet - Belphie

Finally, I’m posting Belphie’s entry in this little series. I could’ve elaborated more on some points, but then I would never shut up so. I’m also kicking my own ass because I’ve thought of additional things I could have included in Levi and Satan’s but now it feels dumb to go back and edit them. Oh well. Hit up my ask if you’re really curious about what I left out and I’d be happy to talk to your ear off lol

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

-Lots of cuddles and kissing and just overall closeness. He doesn’t like to be left alone even if he’s just going to fall asleep right afterward: he feels better if you’re still there with him, especially if it was a particularly intense session. He wants to be reassured that you still want him and want to be with him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

-He loves basically everything of yours from chest to thighs: that’s the best place to sleep on another person, after all. But he also loves it because it’s so soft and warm and comforting. He loves listening to your heartbeat while his head is on your chest or falling asleep in your lap while you play with his hair.

Belphie is very fond of his demon form, probably the most so out of all the brothers. He loves when his tail and/or horns are incorporated in your sexual encounters, and even gets excited when you pay attention to his cow spots.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

-He always wants to come inside, but if he’s in a submissive mood, he’s really into you making him come all over himself.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

-He would never admit it to anyone but you but he yearns for punishment. Belphie is a switch and, whenever he’s submissive to you, he loves to be punished, especially physically.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

-Fairly experienced, and probably the most so when it comes to being intimate with humans given his past affinity for visiting the human world. This makes him an exceptional partner for a human like you, though.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

-Anything that lets him lay back and be close to you, so side-by-side or you on top. Basically the most intimate position(s) possible.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

-Fairly serious, but he still loves to tease (and be teased) during the actual act, and making you smile feels like a victory to him. He’s quite capable of levity, despite what his brothers may think.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

-Belphie doesn’t pay much mind to his body hair situation, but he does clean himself up a bit for you.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

-Intimacy is very important to Belphie. He loves spending one-on-one time with you, and you’re one of the few people who can actually get him out of the house. He likes to do little things for you that may seem insignificant from the outside, but you appreciate the hell out of them.

It was mentioned before, but he loves any position that’s particularly intimate and allows him to touch as much of you as he can. He likes feeling wanted and trusted.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

-Belphie masturbates fairly frequently, mostly because it’s easier than engaging with another being in hopes of sexual satisfaction, and he can do it from the comfort of his own bed. He’s cut back since you got together, but it’s still a simple indulgence for him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

-Breathplay/choking is at the top, but he was very nervous about bringing it up to you after, well, that whole incident. Belphie also loves PDA of any kind, dom/sub (he’s a switch so he finds pleasure in both roles), impact play, orgasm denial (for either of you), and consensual somnophilia (again, for either of you).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

-It’s Belphie so his bed or your bed, obviously. Anywhere soft and comfy is fair game for him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

-The teasing really gets to him, hence why the two of you keep up a constant stream of it. Also, making out! He could kiss you for hours and it’s the quickest way to get him excited.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

-He’s not into sharing you with anyone (though he’s not opposed to getting Beel involved).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

-He very much enjoys both giving and receiving, and he’s quite good at the former. His favorite is when you play with his horns while he’s going down on you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

-Avatar of Sloth so...slow, generally lol That doesn’t mean that he can’t pick up the pace when the situation demands it, though. He has bursts of stamina as opposed to a consistent speed.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

-Not really into them since he generally likes to take his time and go at his own pace (which is slow obviously), so quickies kind of go directly against this. They’re not a hard no for him, though. The two of you tease each other enough that sometimes he simply gets too riled up and needs you right then and there.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

-Yes, very much. He loves pushing your boundaries and seeing how far you’re willing to go with him. Pushing your limits plays into his more demonic tendencies, but it’s also because he wants to see how deep your love goes for him (and what he should avoid if he wants to keep you all to himself).

As mentioned before, he’s also very into PDA of all kinds so he has no problem fooling around in places where you might get caught.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

-Quite long, though probably the shortest of all the brothers given, you know, the whole sloth thing. That said, still significantly longer than any human.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

-He honestly never cared all that much, but he’s now been converted. Using them on you means he can still pleasure you even if his mantle is working against him in the moment. And he’s down for almost any toy used on him if it’s for punishment purposes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

-Belphie loves to tease more than anything. He’s a snarky little trickster so teasing is all part of the sexual game for him. Touches, whispers, suggestive texts, you name it and he’s probably used it to get you into his bed.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

-Belphie’s not very loud; he prefers for any noises he makes to be just for you. Little groans and whispers and growls are the most common for him. On the flip side, though, he loves when you get loud. He loves your voice and the thought of his brothers (or anyone, for that matter) knowing exactly what the two of you are doing together.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

-He’s a little bit of a brat, but an even bigger brat tamer. He’s never fully admitted it, but he loooves when you push back against him when he’s domming you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

-Belphie’s cow spots cover a lot more of his body than just his neck/shoulders; they’re also on his dick. He’s bigger than most humans and it’s highly textured. He also has a piercing on the underside.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

-Pretty high, but he’s lazy. You’ve learned how to properly motivate him, though.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

-Almost instantly: it’s Belphegor, after all. Sex is a big energy expenditure so he’s passing out almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. Not before making sure you’re right there with him, though.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date obey me #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #Smut Alphabet #ABCs of Smut #obey me headcanons

128 notes · View notes

theflirtmeister · 7 years ago

Text

The Detectorists

This is a secret santa present for @thatgazebobullshit!!! I’m so sorry it’s late, but I hope you enjoy it :D It can also be found on Ao3 here!

Stan gets the metal detector for his Bar Mitzvah, a Fischer brand that rather just looks like a pole with a box stuck on the end to it. It’s a present from his grandmother, who has no idea what a 13-year-old boy would like, let alone what a boy like Stan would like.

“Thank you.” He says when she gives it to him. “That’s very nice of you.”

“You can go out with your friends!” She says, and then takes a break to cough up a lung. His grandma’s been a smoker since she was 13 years old, and Stan has to wash his clothes twice after he’s been to her house. “You can find treasure and old coins.”

Stan thinks of Richie and Bill, who spend most of their time reading comics and playing at the arcade. “Sure grandma.”

She pats him on the cheek, and then squeezes it for good measure. “All grown up!” She announces, and grins at Stan’s father, showing off pink gums. “You must be so proud.”

“We are.” Stan’s father says, resting his hands on Stan’s shoulders. “So much.”

That evening, when most of the family have gone home, Stan takes the metal detector to his mother. She’s sitting in the dining room, paper spread out around her, having a conversation with his auntie in the next room. There’s lots of yelling going on between the two of them, but Stan thinks it’s just the Jewish way.

“Can I return the metal detector for money?” He asks his mother dubiously, as she meticulously writes down what presents he got, and who from, so he can write thank you notes later.

“No.” She says, not looking up from her penmanship. “Grandma bought it for you, therefore you have to keep it.”

“I don’t want a metal detector.” He says, crossing his arms. “I wanted books on birds.”

“You can detect the birds with the metal detector.” His mother waves her pen around for emphasis.

“Birds aren’t made of metal.”

“If they’ve been shot by hunters they would do.” His cousin says, who is sitting nearby. She’s 15, which apparently means she knows everything and never shuts up about it. She also has her foot up on the dining table as she paints her nails. “You could detect bullets.”

Stan gapes at her in a mixture of horror and disgust, and then turns back to his mother. “I don’t want it.”

His mother puts her pen down and stares him right in the face. “You’re keeping it.” She says firmly, in a no-nonsense voice, and Stan realises the matter is closed.

Richie comes around a week later after all the festivities are over, and it’s safe to enter Stan’s house without being forced to listen to him practise his Torah portion. He bounds in through the front door, stopping to say hello to Stan’s parents, and then barges his way into Stan’s room.

“Salutations!” He announces, throwing himself onto the bed. “You look like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.”

“It has.” Stan says, from where he was at his desk writing a thank you letter to his mother’s uncle’s cousin, who bought him a book token. “I’m free for the rest of summer. I never have to think about Aaron and his lamps again.”

“Thank the fucking lord.” Richie presses his hands together in mock prayer, and then lifts his head. “Hey, is it okay to talk about Catholic shit in a Jewish house? Will God strike me down? Will Moses burn my bush?”

“Shut up.” Stan says wearily, signing his name on the card and then pushes it far away from him. “You’ve said worse in this house.”

“I’ve done worse in this house as well.” Richie continues, “And I’ve done people in this house-“

Stan throws a pen at his head. It bounces off Richie’s glasses and lands on the floor, rolling underneath the bed.

“Ten points! Ten points to Stan the man for making a hit, anddddd twenty points for hitting my glasses! Would have been thirty points but the pen is now lost into the ether underneath the bed.” Richie announces.

Stan mock cheers. “I’ll do better next time, don’t worry. Need to keep up my practise of throwing things at you.”

“Fun for all the family.” Richie agrees, and then brightens. “Hey! You should come to the arcade with me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? What’s happening tomorrow?”

“Nothing, I just have plans to go to the arcade.” Richie says, “I want to beat your ass at Dragon’s Lair.”

Stan snorts. “You’re terrible at Dragon’s Lair. You always die after five minutes.”

“Nuh-uh! I’ve got better.” Richie swings himself upside down, dangling off the side of the bed. “If I go looking underneath your bed will I find all your dirty porn magazines?”

“Yes.” Stan says, deadpan. “All my playboy magazines.”

“I thought you were more into birds than bunnies.” Richie says, hands fumbling underneath the bed. “Ew, I think I found your wank sock.”

“I don’t even have a wank sock-“ Stan starts, and then Richie crows with delight.

“What’s this?!” He yanks out the metal detector from underneath the bed. “A stripper pole?”

“It’s a metal detector you fucking moron.” Stan says, pushing himself over to Richie on his swivel chair. “It was a present from my Grandma.”

“Sheesh, has your grandma met you?” Richie asks, spinning the detector in his hands. “Why would she give you this?”

Stan raises and then lowers one shoulder. “I don’t know.”

“Does it work?” Richie asks, switching it on.

“I don’t know.” Stan repeats.

“You mean you haven’t tried it out yet?” Richie asks, and Stan shakes his head.

“Not yet.”

“What? Are you insane?” Richie asks, and then launches the pole above his head like a weapon. “We could get rich from this! We could be millionaires! We could uncover the world’s biggest Saxon hoard!”

“The Saxons are British.” Stan says, “We’re in the middle of Maine, USA.”

“USA, USA, USA.” Richie chants, pumping the pole up and down in the air, and Stan can’t help but laugh.

“God you’re such an idiot.” He says, a little fondly. “Let’s try it out then. See if we can find a Pilgrim treasure or something.”

“Imagine,” Richie says, eyes wide. “A pilgrim dildo.”

“Made out of metal?”

“Old people were fucked up!” Richie says, “They drank cocaine and snorted whisky! They were doing all kinds of crazy shit!”

“We’re not going to find a pilgrim dildo in the middle of Derry, Maine.” Stan says.

“Okay then,” Richie says, and then his voice goes sly. “A pilgrim butt plug.”

Stan shoves him so hard he falls off the bed, Richie shrieking all the while.

“S-s-s-so let me get this s-straight.” Bill says, “You want us to walk around town, with a b-b-big metal s-s-stick, and s-s-search for treasure?”

“That’s the plan!” Richie crows triumphantly, hitting Bill on the back. “We’re going to strike gold and get rich Billy boy.”

Bill looks at Stan, who raises his eyebrows in return. They’re sitting in Bill’s room, the metal detector sitting on Bill’s lap, and he’s running his fingers along it like there’s a secret Braille code written on it.

“I really d-d-doubt there’s gold in this town.” Bill says slowly, “Nothing’s here.”

“There was a Pilgrim stronghold though.” Stan says, because he’s been doing research in the library. “This was a big Pilgrim settlement, that’s why our pipes and sewage works are so weird and connected. It’s all the Pilgrim’s fault.”

“Fuck the Pilgrims.” Richie says, who is wandering round Bill’s room, picking stuff up and then putting it down again. “What happened to them?”

“Well a plague hit the people who lived here.” Stan says, “So they were all wiped out.”

Richie gasps, and they turn to look at him. He’s holding one of Georgie’s paper boats, and waves it in the air as he speaks. “What if we find a plague pit! What if we get infected! What if we die of an incurable disease, and then spread the plague throughout Derry, and then the world, and then-“

“Beep beep Richie.” Bill says, “And put down Georgie’s boat. He’ll get m-m-mad if you break it.”

“I’m not going to break it.” Richie says, but sets it down gently all the same. “Where is my beautiful brother from another mother anyway?”

“P-playing in his room, I think.” Bill says, with a shrug. “Mom bought him this little frog toy and he’s in l-l-love with it.”

“What kind of frog is it?” Stan asks, and Bill shrugs.

“A green one.”

“Very scientific classification.” Stan says, bumping Bill, and Bill laughs.

“I know.”

“Oh my god you two are fucking nerds.” Richie says, and then tilts his head back yelling, “Nerdy as shit!”

“Richie!” Bill hisses, “My f-f-family are home!”

“Oh, sorry.” Richie says, and then yells out again. “Nerdy as excrement!”

“Jesus Christ I’m going to fucking murder him.” Stan says, and Richie points a finger at him.

“Bill, Stan swore! And said the Lord’s name in vain. That’s two misdemeanours.”

Stan looks at Bill. “Are you going to put me in jail?” He asks dryly.

“Two misdemeanours equals d-d-death.” Bill replies, lifting the metal detector and gently tapping Stan’s neck with it. “You have b-been executed for your c-crimes.”

“Bleh.” Stan says, pretending to die dramatically. “Tell my mother I never wanted to have a Bar Mitzvah and that I never liked Richie Tozier.”

“You son of a bitch.” Richie says, watching Stan flop about on the floor like a fish. “I’m not coming to your stone setting.”

Stan props himself up on one elbow. “You know what a stone setting is?”

“I’ve been researching Judaism.” Richie says, “When we marry, I’m gonna convert.”

“No fair, I c-c-called dibs on Stan.” Bill says, now just lightly tapping Stan’s legs with the end of the pole. “My husband, not yours.”

“I’m still dead by the way.” Stan says, and Bill taps him on the head. “Blehhh.”

“Well, I’ll resurrect you.” Richie says, and then brightens considerably. “What if we find a resurrection stone! What if we find the tablet that bring the dead back to life!”

“T-t-that doesn’t exist Rich.” Bill says, and Richie folds his arms.

“How do you know, Biliam? Huh?? You some fancy resurrection professor? You a necromancer now? Didn’t think so.”

Bill laughs, and then offers him the metal detector pole as an offer of good will. “Okay then,” He says, smiling. “Let’s find s-s-some treasure.”

Richie whoops happily, spinning the pole like a marching band leader, and Stan sighs and wonders what he’s got them all in for.

They take the metal detector to the barrens because things can get easily buried under the soil or in the rivers. They each have backpacks on, to store anything they find, and Stan made sandwiches for everyone, because he doesn’t know how long they’ll be out there for.

“I love you.” Richie says, through a mouthful of jam. “You’re the best.”

“I can’t believe you’re eating them already.” Stan says, kicking a rock through the water. “It’s barely 12 o’clock.”

“Man’s gotta eat Stanley!” Richie protests. “Isn’t that right Bill?”

“You have j-jam on your nose.” Bill says, and Richie licks it off with his tongue. “That’s d-d-disgusting.”

“I am the sexiest god damn man alive.” Richie says proudly, sucking jam from his fingers. “Ladies love me. Men want me.”

“Friends hate you.” Stan says wearily, and then looks over at Bill who is holding the metal detector. “Anything?”

“N-nope.” Bill says. “Lots of broken b-b-bottles.”

“Any needles?” Richie asks, “I’ve always wanted to shoot heroin.”

“God you’re never going to reach 16.” Stan says, “Richie Tozier, died age 14 from touching an electric fence. Richie Tozier, sadly taken from us after licking a live wire. Richie Tozier, gave up the ghost after stabbing himself in the wrist with a dirty needle.”

“Richie Tozier,” Bill says, “S-sorely missed after using a wasps nest as a f-f-football.”

“Richie Tozier, taken too soon after-“

“This is abuse!” Richie yells far too loudly, and several birds fly away from their trees in shock. Stan stops still to watch them go, squinting his eyes and placing his hand over his forehead to see better.

“You’re t-t-too loud.” Bill tells Richie. “Stop s-scaring the wildlife.”

“I’m gonna fight the wildlife.” Richie says, flexing. “Come here grizzly bear. I’m gonna deck you.”

“You remember what we were just saying about you dying young?” Stan says, finally looking back at his friends, and Richie grins at him.

“What can I say? I’m a character.”

“You’re s-something.” Bill says, “I’m just not sure what.”

“Let’s keep moving,” Stan says, “Before Richie finds a gun and decides to play Russian Roulette with himself.”

“Ooh, that would be fun.” Richie says cheerily, and then marches on ahead. “Come along gang! Last one to the plague pit is a rotten egg!”

Stan watches Richie skip off ahead, and then gives Bill a look. Bill laughs, dropping into step alongside Stan, and skates the top of the ground with the metal detector.

“I’m s-sorry I couldn’t make it to your Bar Mitzvah.” Bill says, and Stan blinks, because it all seems so long ago. “I can’t cancel s-speech therapy appointments, they’re s-s-so important, and-“

“Hey.” Stan says, lifting a hand. “It’s no problem, I promise. Your stutter is more important than listening to me stutter in a dead language.”

Bill smiles. “Thank you. I-I didn’t want you to think we weren’t f-friends.”

“Of course we’re friends.” Stan nudges Bill playfully. “You’re one of my best friends. That and motormouth over there.”

They look over at Richie who is talking to himself and splashing about in the river water. His jeans are splattered with mud right up to the knees, and he mysteriously has twigs in his hair that Stan is extremely confused about where he got them.

“We’re going to have to d-deal with him all s-s-summer.” Bill says.

“I know.” Stan says, and turns to him. “I can’t wait, can you?”

“No.” Bill says, smiling, and they continue walking onwards.

They’ve just reached the place where the river water runs out into the big sewer pipes when the metal detector starts bleeping. Bill and Richie are in a deep discussion about Han Solo and Princess Leia in Star Wars, and Stan is looking up at the trees through his binoculars, so they don’t notice it at first.

“Hey-“ Richie interrupts whatever Bill was saying. “What’s that noise? Is that someone’s watch?”

The three of them stop, looking about like idiots, and then look down at the metal detector in Bill’s hand. The box at the top is flashing, and it’s beeping merrily at something under the surface of the ground.

“What the fuck.” Richie breathes, “Did we fucking find something?”

“Maybe it’s a soda can tab?” Stan asks, and Bill tucks the metal detector underneath his arm.

“There’s only one w-way to find out.” He says, “Start digging.”

It’s then that someone throws a rock at their heads. It hits Richie on the back of the head, and he gives out a little gasp of pain, before whirling round, indignant.

“Hey!” He yells, “Who threw that?! I could have died!”

A girl bursts out from the woods, with flame red hair and a pair of boys dungarees on. She’s got another rock in her hands, and the three of them hold up their hands in front of their faces to protect themselves, Bill dropping the metal detector on the floor.

“This is our patch!” The girl says, lifting the rock up to throw it. “Piss off!”

“I didn’t see your name on it!” Richie yells, and the rock narrowly misses his head. “Ha!”

The next rock hits him directly in the groin and he crumples to his knees like he’s been shot. Stan watches him collapse, and then lifts up his hands like he’s in a hostage situation, Bill copying him.

“I’m sorry.” Stan calls to her, “We didn’t know you owned this neck of the barrens.”

“We’re j-j-j-just out here for f-f-fun.” Bill adds.

The girl surveys them for a moment, before looking over her shoulder. She says something that Stan can’t here, and then laughs at an invisible person, before turning back to the boys.

“Alright.” She says, “We believe you.”

“We?” Richie asks from the floor, and three other boys step out from the thicket, one of them holding a metal detector. “Holy shit it’s Eddie Kaspbrak.”

The boy in the red polo neck takes a step forward. “How do you know who I am?!”

“Your mom’s really hot.” Richie says from the floor, and the boy, Eddie, picks a rock up from the floor and holds it out as a threat.

“Who are you?!” He demands.

“He’s Richie.” Bill says quickly, “And this is S-Stan. I’m B-B-Bill.”

“B-B-Bill?” The girl repeats, but it’s not unkind. In fact, she’s smiling. “Interesting.”

“Who are you?” Stan asks, and the girl turns towards Stan.

“Bev.” She says, and then starts clambering down the hill towards them. “And these are my friends.”

“I’m Ben.” The one with the metal detector says.

“I’m Mike.” The other boy says, following after Bev, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Stan says, and then looks over at Richie. “Stand up, you’re embarrassing us.”

“Embarrassing you!” Richie says, laying in the muddy water. “She could have severely damaged my dick!”

“Well drop your pants and I’ll assess the situation.” Bev says with a smirk, and Richie gapes at her, before snort laughing.

“I like you.” He says, and clambers up from the water. “You’re cool.”

“Thanks.” Bev says, and then turns to Bill. “So, is looking for treasure just a hobby or?”

“Oh, it’s n-n-not mine.” Bill says, and thrusts the metal detector at Stan. “It’s his.”

“It was my Bar Mitzvah present.” Stan says automatically, and then flushes, in case they’ll tease him. Instead they stand there, looking at him curiously. “We’re just trying it out.”

“Well it’s bleeping pretty hard there.” Bev says, “What have you found?”

“No idea.” Stan replies truthfully. “Probably nothing.”

“It’s been b-b-b-bleeping on the walk here, but only f-f-for old cans and s-s-stuff.” Bill adds.

“Same.” Mike says, “Ours is useless.” He motions to Ben’s. “But we’ve found coins and stuff.”

“Which they spent on food and arcade games.” Eddie huffs. “We should save our findings guys!”

“You guys go to the arcade?” Richie asks, and Ben nods.

“Yup. We’re trying to beat the high score on Pacman.”

Richie’s face blooms with light. “That’s my high score!” He says excitedly. “I’m trashmouth!”

“I can tell.” Bev says, and then slips her rucksack off her shoulders, fiddling around in it. “I have a shovel, if you guys want to do some digging.”

“I love getting dirty.” Richie says, and Bill splashes him. “Hey!”

“What?” Bill asks, trying to sound innocent.

Mike laughs, a deep throaty chuckle that makes Stan’s stomach feel a bit floaty, and then also opens the rucksack he’s carrying. “I’ve got digging equipment too.” He says, “Stan, Bill, Richie? Want something?”

“Yes please.” Stan says, speaking for all of them. “It’s probably nothing though.”

“Not another pessimist.” Ben says, “It’s hard enough dealing with Eddie.”

“I’m not a pessimist!” Eddie says, “I’m a realist. And you don’t know- You don’t know what kind of germs, could be lurking out here! Especially in sewage water!”

“We’ve been looking for a plague pit.” Richie tells him, and Eddie screws up his nose.

“That’s disgusting!” He says, and then shrieks when Richie kicks a spray of water up towards him. “That went in my mouth!”

“I promise he’s nice really.” Stan says to Mike, who is already kneeling down on the ground, feeling the earth with his fingers.

“I could say the same for Eddie.” Mike says, looking up at him and grinning, and Stan finds himself grinning back like a lunatic.

They work noisily and rowdily, tearing up the dirt and soil with trowels and spades and bare hands. They talk as if they’ve known one another their whole lives, already working out how to make the other group laugh, and what to say that will most get on each other’s nerves. Stan’s never clicked with anyone like this before, not since he met Richie and Bill back in nursery and latched onto them for life.

“Anyone found anything?” Bev asks, dirt underneath her fingernails and smeared across her cheek like war paint.

“Nope.” Bill and Ben say at the same time, and then glance at one another.

“The metal detector is still beeping though.” Stan points out, “And yours too.”

“This is so weird.” Eddie says, staring down at the dirt. “Maybe they’re faulty.”

“I guess it’s just really deep down.” Stan says.

“Yeah, like Eddie’s mom.” Richie says, dirt completely covering him to the point where he can’t see out of his glasses. “Am I right? Someone tell me I’m right.”

“You’re wrong.” Mike says, and Richie pouts.

“You hurt me Mike, you really do.” He says, and then prods something in the dirt. “Hey, an earthworm! Someone dare me to eat it.”

“Nobody dare him to eat it.” Stan says quickly, “Or he will do it and poison himself.”

“Now I want to dare him to eat it.” Eddie says, and then takes a step back when Richie picks up the earthworm from the dirt with his forefingers. “Don’t you fucking bring that near me.”

“Oh Eddie,” Richie says in a sing-song voice. “A present for you!”

“No!” Eddie says loudly, now advancing backwards. “Richie, you fucking- Richie!”

“They seem to like each other very much.” Ben says, as Richie chases Eddie with the worm.

“They’ll be married by sundown.” Stan says wearily, and then his shovel clinks against something. “Oh?”

“What is it?” Bev asks, scooting closer.

“I- I don’t know.” Stan says, and starts digging at the dirt more forcefully, “Please, someone help-“

At once, four hands start scrabbling in the dirt alongside him, pulling the soil and mud away from the metal object underneath the soil. Stan blinks in surprise, especially when Richie and Eddie come back from terrorising each other and start helping too.

It takes a little while, but finally all the mess has been removed, and the object that the metal detectors were picking up is revealed. Stan gently levers it up out of the dirt and holds it in his hands, cradling it in his palms.

“What the fuck is that?” Richie asks, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and getting more mud on them.

“That’s r-really weird.” Bill says, peering at the object in Stan’s hands.

“It’s a clown doll.” Stan says, rubbing his thumb across the face to clear the dirt from it.

“A really fucking creepy doll.” Bev says, frowning. “I don’t like it.”

“Me neither.” Ben says, “It has a horrible face.”

“It looks like it knows something we don’t.” Mike says, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Eddie wraps his arms around himself. “It feels wrong.” He says, “Put it back.”

The doll is about the size of a bottle of soda, made of metal that sounds and feels like tin. It’s dressed in a harlequin clown costume painted weird tones of orange and grey, with little red shoes to match. The face is the weirdest part, a sickly grin spread across the bottom half, with big black eyes that stare up at the seven of them.

“What should we do with it?” Stan asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Bury it.” Bev says, “I don’t think we should have uncovered it.”

“Me neither.” Ben says, moving away from the doll. “It’s got a weird vibe.”

“Send it back to hell!” Richie jokes, but it isn’t very funny.

“Okay,” Stan says, and gently lays the doll back in the dirt. It makes him feel sick to look at it, or maybe it’s just the smell of the sewer wafting closer. “Let’s bury it.”

They work together in silence, pushing the dirt back on top of the doll, fingers brushing each other’s as they work. The doll quickly disappears from view, but they keep going, piling more and more soil on top until you’d hardly know anything was underneath at all.

Eddie smooths the soil down on top, and then pats it firmly. “There,” He says, “All gone.”

“G-goodbye little d-doll.” Bill says, and then turns to Stan. “I’m s-sorry we didn’t find anything good.”

“No, it’s okay.” Stan says, looking about at all the people gathered around him. “I had fun.”

“Me too.” Richie says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m glad your grandma gave you such a dorky present.”

“Stop being mean to my grandma.” Stan says, but he’s only teasing. “You love her cooking.”

“Oh god, your grandma’s cooking.” Richie shuts his eyes blissfully. “What a woman.”

“I still have cake and stuff left in my house.” Stan says, and looks at the others. “Do you guys want to come over? You can clean up as well.”

Eddie looks down at himself in surprise, as if he’s only just realised he’s covered in mud. “My mother’s going to kill me.” He says, and Richie nudges him.

“Don’t worry,” He says, “I’ll butter her up for you.”

“Shut up.” Eddie says, and Bev rolls her eyes at the two of them.

“We’d love to go to your house.” She tells Stan, and then reaches out and squeezes his wrist. “Thank you for inviting us.”

“You’re very welcome.” Stan says, and then brushes the dirt from his hands onto his knees. “Come on gang. Let’s go home.”

“We should have a name.” Ben says, as Stan starts walking, the rest of them following after him. “If we’re going to be hanging out.”

“The secret seven.” Mike suggests, and Bev laughs.

“You stole that from an Enid Blyton book.” She says, prodding Mike in the ribs where it tickles.

“I can’t s-s-say the name of it either.” Bill adds, “Too many s-s-s sounds.”

“Please, take pity on Big Bill here.” Richie says, slapping Bill on the shoulder. “He’s a delicate flower.”

Bill stamps down on Richie’s foot and Richie cackles with glee.

“Well we all met doing something weird and nerdy.” Eddie says, “The Weirdo club? The Strange club?”

“The Losers Club?” Stan says, and they all pause for a moment.

“I like that.” Bev says.

“Me too.” Ben says, and smiles at Stan. “The Loser’s club. Yeah, it really works.”

“Great.” Stan says, smiling back at Ben, at all of them. “The Loser’s Club it is.”

They walk off in the direction of home, filthy and tired and happy.

#It Fandom Secret Santa #It Secret Santa #Reddie fic #It fandom fic #It 2017 fic #god damn it i will spam these fucking tags #also this took me 4 hours to write #ITS 4K WORDS LOVE ME

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thesteveyates · 5 years ago

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The Contessa 26.

Canterbury tales.

An unknown bloke who designs fast dinghies and dayboats.

What was i thinking ?, here i am working on the design series posts for ‘F’ and ‘G’ now and for some reason i completely missed out on some of the ‘C’s, so in this post i’m going to try and correct that with a quick look at one of the best traditional smaller cruising boats ever built and then take a look at the work of British designer ; Keith Callaghan.

Contessa 26.

“Sweet sailing, seaworthy, safe, seamanlike” : these are all words that have bee used to describe the Contessa 26 as designed back in 1966 by David Sadler alongside boatbuilder Jeremy Rogers who built the boats under his ‘Contessa’ brand. The basic design drew strongly on the Folkboat shape ; Sadler having been a Folkboat owner. In size, shape and displacement the Contessa is very much akin to a later model Folkboat with it’s semi-long keel, keel hung rudder, low coachroof and so on….to it’s ‘compact’ Folkboat like cabin under a low coachroof.

These are all pretty old boats now and there are a lot of very tired and run-down ones kicking around, and they do pop up occasionally as cheap sell-offs ; i tracked one on EBay last year that went for less than £1000 but that one looked as though it needed a new engine, all new rigging and new sails…..i’d be happy to sail one without an engine, in fact i would make the boat faster by filling in the prop void and just having a big oar to get home with !.

What they are as an older GRP boat is a much heavier layup than more modern GRP hulls, please correct me if i’m wrong but iv’e never heard of a very bad case of boat-pox in the Contessa 26 either. Even a rough one is eminently rescue-able and, i would say. totally worth the effort : that of course begs the question “would i have one” ?. My answer is both yes and no in the context of that answer over time. In the past my answer would have been yes except that i chose a Frances 26 instead because it’s a bit of a ‘chunkier’ boat inside and there were lots of things i liked more about the Franny !. My current answer is no because i now want boats that dry out on their own bottom with either none, or very little support : both the Contessa and my old Frances will stand on their keels, that’s how i scrubbed mine, but both of them need legs to stand on a beach.

Contessa 26…..what is it good for ?

Answer….pretty much anything and everything as long as it’s just you and maybe your partner, and don’t expect to be able to stand up in one ; just like a Folkboat !. The list of Contessa 26 voyages and accomplishments is so long that it’s hard to pick out a good small sample but here’s a few ; this, by the way, is a quite shameless cut and paste from the Contessa 26 Wiki page.

“In a review Michael McGoldrick wrote, “The Contessa 26 … is clearly robust and overbuilt, and it has to rate as one of the very best ocean-going production boats in its size category. For example, it has no sliding hatch over the main companionway, a feature which makes the cabin roof much stronger and better able to withstand a pounding in an offshore storm. Evidence of this boat’s abilities as a bluewater cruiser can be found in the fact that it was chosen by both Tania Aebi and Brian Caldwell in their separate attempts to set the record as the youngest person to complete a single-handed circumnavigation. Because of the nature and origins of this design, the Contessa 26 has a narrow beam and limited elbow room down below.

Peter Hancock tells of his travels in Kylie in Sailing out of Silence, Sailing into Sunshine, and Sailing Home. Several transoceanic voyages have been completed, including two circumnavigations: by Tania Aebi in Varuna, as described in her book Maiden Voyage, and by Brian Caldwell who in 1995 aged 19, began a journey of 27,000 miles (43,000 km) in Mai Miti Vavau to become, at the time, the youngest person to sail around the world alone. These latter two sailed in the J. J. Taylor built Canadian version of the 26.

Norwegian couple Henrik Nor-Hansen and Nina Kristin Nilsen are currently undertaking a circumnavigation in their Jeremy Rogers 1976 Contessa, Bika having set-off from Norway in Spring 2005.

Australian Nick Jaffe sailed singlehanded in his Jeremy Rogers 1972 Contessa 26 named Constellation, to Sydney, Australia. He set off from Monnikendam, the Netherlands on 17 September 2007 and arrived in Sydney in the early hours on 1 February 2010.

Canadian Stéphane Tremblay, sailed singlehanded & engineless from Sandy Hook, New Jersey to Spain via the Azores & back against the trade wind, aboard his J.J. Taylor Contessa 26 Joshua III on 15 May 2008.

Thomas Höckne did two single-handed circumnavigations in a Jeremy Rogers Contessa 26 named “Tai Fun”. The first lasted between 1981 and 1985,and went via the Panama Canal and the Cape of Good Hope. The second lasted from 1987 to 1998, via the same general route. Both started and ended in Helsingborg Sweden. “Tai Fun” had no inboard engine.“

Now for something radically different : Keith Callaghan and boats that look like a Merlin Rocket on steroids.

Here’s one of his 18 foot open dayboat designs on Ebay.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Highlight-18-dingy-lifting-keel-keelboat-with-road-trailer/184145807743?_trkparms=aid%3D111001%26algo%3DREC.SEED%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D20160908131621%26meid%3D197d5f9bc66c4060920f3e4e0abcf029%26pid%3D100678%26rk%3D4%26rkt%3D12%26mehot%3Dnone%26sd%3D193350150500%26itm%3D184145807743%26pmt%3D0%26noa%3D1%26pg%3D2380057&_trksid=p2380057.c100678.m3607&_trkparms=pageci%3Abcefee2b-5570-11ea-9eda-74dbd1802dc4%7Cparentrq%3A6ceb59dc1700aad7016064c7fffdd082%7Ciid%3A1

I’m unusual for a sailor of my generation in that i didn’t come up through dinghy racing as most of my friends had done ; had i gained that early ‘seat of the pants’ experience i would have been a much better sailor earlier on….at least i think so.

One of the boats that i greatly admired when i was effectively learning to sail….usually as bowman and all round winch-winder….was a very wide (for the time) and reputedly fast wooden racing dinghy that i was told was a Merlin Rocket. I never did get to sail that one but as a class it was one that i always watched out for and still do, on this coast we have an active class of them just down the coast at Salcombe and racing them there, or in nearby Looe, is a big deal. I used to marvel at their plethora of control lines and their radical looking wide chined hulls with that uncompromisingly sharp bow.

Merlin’s and please note that none of these pictures are my own.

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The high ‘C’ connection here is that British designer Keith Callaghan designed a series of radical ‘Rockets’ and then went on to design a whole series of other fast dinghy’s and dayboats with a very ‘Merlin Rocket’ kind of look to them….plumb bowed and usually wide sterned boats that look a bit like small mini transat yachts.

I have to admit that iv’e always hankered after a Merlin just for fun, except that i’m too old, too heavy and too slow to sail one…..or maybe not !. For many years now iv’e kicked around the idea of somehow getting a viable boat to the start line of the Everglades challenge and one boat that iv’e always had in mind would be an older ‘classic’ Merlin but much converted. That’s not as stupid an idea as it seems as there plenty of different Merlin designs, i’m just learning my way around them and the EC itself is often sailed in smaller and slower boats.

At the moment it’s still a daydream project except that iv’e worked out which of the older designs would be the one to go for and even had a chat with the class secratary to sound them out on the idea. The main problem, aside from taming one and learning to react quickly again is that i would have to convert it to a solo boat and one would be more easily handled offshore. I can see ways of doing that with for example a ‘soft’ rig like a standing lug and maybe a small balancing mizzen…..the boat isn’t much different in overall size to local guy Steve’s Welsford ‘Navigator’ although of course it’s a radically different concept.

Who knows…….?

The high ‘Cee,s’ The Contessa 26. Canterbury tales. An unknown bloke who designs fast dinghies and dayboats. What was i thinking ?, here i am working on the design series posts for 'F' and 'G' now and for some reason i completely missed out on some of the 'C's, so in this post i'm going to try and correct that with a quick look at one of the best traditional smaller cruising boats ever built and then take a look at the work of British designer ; Keith Callaghan.

#Canterbury tales #contessa 26 #Keith Callaghan #Merlin Rocket

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kendrixtermina · 7 years ago

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Rluai is the most common for INFPs, just saying.

I think I’ve already said everything that there is to be said on the topic, but I will adress this one ask because I believe it touches on a topic that I’ve only covered in passing on this blog so far.

BIg five vs. MBTI and possible correlations.

There is not actually that much data that correlates which results where commonly received by the same people (some forums and tumblr’s own eilamona have attempted surveys though these would be biased by tumblr’s distribution not being RL’s and the usual trappings of self-reporting)

Also, with the Big 5 having 2x2x2x2x2 = 32 categories and thus few people in every category, you would need huge sample sizes and methodical proceeding to get significant correlations. “The most” could mean anything from one percent point more than the others or “over half”; a simple tally is no statement about distribution, and even a strong distribution spike is not equivalency.

See, for example, how ISTJs correlate with enneagram. There is actually a clear distinct tedency with 90% of ISTJs being one of 3 types, but each of those (1, 6 and 5) accounts for roughly a third of those 90% so it would be idiotic to say that say, being a 6 means you must be ISTJ. What about non 6 ISTJs? What about 6s who are ISFJ?

So even if most RULAIs are INFPs, all that tells you is that tells you is that if you’re both, you’re in the majority. But to tell the probability that a RULAI is INFP or a given INFP is RULAI, you would need to know either how many of all total RULAIs are INFPs, or how many INFPs are not RULAIs.

I’m pretty sure I met some INFPs who were distinctly “E” (mostly 4w3s and/or soc-blinds) or “C” (chiefly 9w1s) for example, though I’d be surprised to find one who claims to be SCxxN.

It’s called “Bayes’s theorem” and one of the many examples why the world would be much better if basic logic and probability theory were taught in schools.

What more, much of what is out there on the correlating of mbti and big 5 is people trying to find some sort of equivalency between the systems, often based on a very dichotomous (and therefore, shallow) understanding of mbti that disregards the differences between them as independent metrics. See also “16 personaliies.org” and their attempt to add the neurotism metric (-A/T) which really just mucked up their test.

Often this is supposed top validate mbti by tying it to the much renowned and supposedly so stable big 5 system - but big 5′s supposed stability and consistency comes from being a much simpler, shallower system: It really is just a ranking of specific traits or the lack thereof on a dichotomous scale. You either are orderly and reliable (”conscientious”) or you aren’t. You can get assigned a percentage to represent stronger or weaker tendencies.

Big 5 asks you “are you X?” You tell it “yes/no/maybe” and then it gives you a profile saying you are indeeed “Yes/no/maybe” on the X scale, and that for each trait. That can be useful for some applications, like correlating those traits with lifestyle choices or opinions or screening people for very demanding jobs, but it is virtually useless for the purposes most typology is used for - such as self-development or communication.

It ranks you on a scale, but it does not really tell you anything you didn’t know before. It simply discribes, but doesn’t postulate any internal logic or structure - It doesn’t have explanatory or predictive power. It doesn’t elucidate your inner workings, does not tell you how to get along better with a given type. It simply measures wether you are good at five things (socializing, keeping calm, being organized, making others like you, keeping an open mind) or not. There’s no advantage to being “Egocentric”, “Unstructured” or “Non-Curious.”

Big 5 measures 5 independent metrics and the combination thereof, so “RULEI” (RUxEI supposedly most common for INTP) is would not be that different from RULAI, after all that’s 4 or 5 matching! The difference is simply that the person goes a little further in not needlessly pissing people off, especially if the preference toward “A” is only weak one.

Meanwhile, consider INFJ vs INFP. One letter apart. Sure there are many similarities but also many fundamental differences because it’s not just one letter: It means your valued functions are completely opposite. They will share traits common to all introverts, feelers and intuitives, but differ completely where functon-specific communication and reasoning differences are concerned.

You could label yourself as “INFx” because you’re unsure about your actual type but you can’t actually be “in-between” because unlike Big 5, MBTI is not a combination of 5 scales, but a discreet classificator.

The MBTI and all tests based on it as well as sister/branch theories like socionics are built upon the idea of the Jungian Functions, diffent distinct types of reasoning and information processing that CG Jung believed to have identified in the human mind. The system comes with the base axiom that you can have one of 8 dominant functions, and that’s it, and you’ve got to at least humor that idea for a while to assin yourself a MBTI type, and each function comes with a set of both likely (present often) and fixed (present always) traits that will be shared between the great majority of that functions. - which is what gives mbti more predictive and explanatory power.

Someone being “Unstructured” just tells you they’re not a great organizer; Someone being a Perceiver implies a great deal about their way of thinking and decision making, be it neutral good or bad, and if you knew if they’re SP or NP you could infer even more, not always hard predictions but certainly probalities.

Just from the definitations that both the 5 traits and the functions have by definition it figures that some combinations are more frquent than others (for the same reason that, say, an ISFJ core 8 sounds pretty unlikely) but that does not a hard equivalency make, especially since big 5 allows for twice as many possibilities.

The idea that you can just convert mbti letters to Big 5 letters as if the letters were all there were is fallacious.

Indeed

Some things do correlations:

R/S with I/E for obvious reasons/ pretty much by design. Intro vs extroversion is one of the most obvious differences in human personalities and hence where any metric to sort those would start.

But this is where it stops/ where things get weird or interesting depending on your PoV.

L/C shows a very weak correlation but is almost evenly split among T/F.

A/E shows some correlaton of A with F and E with T correlating with the stereotype of how Feelers are “generally nicer” but it’s not a hard

The oddest result is that intuitives are almost always Inquisitive but Sensors can be both and are evenly split overall with individual types having their own preferences. This isn’t just split among Si/Se lines as some stereotypes might suggest, ESTPs for example are very commonly Non-curious, but again, not always.

These traits also veer into what we might call morals so they would pose. If people were predisposed toward their morals and could not be convinced, if the were “hardwired” so to speak the whole idea of morality would be pointless, for with what authority would you “blame” someone for being close minded or a jerkif they’re just following their programing?, but it is equally pointless morality as a blackbox even though we are comming closer and closer to understanding the brain.

There’s also this tendency of treating anything we can detect as “organic” and everything we cannot as “mental”, a Soul Of The Gaps if you will (analoous to God Of The Gaps) but we know all mental processes are in the brain somehow, (because it can be destroyed by specific brain injuries, for example) so would explaining it all mean putting it all outside a person’s responsibility?

Hidden in there is the false assumpton that the biologically explicable is “permanent” and thats true of some parts but the strenght of nerve connections can be as temporary as the state of a computer.

Adding the problem that people do no sufficiently differentiate between facts and their interpretation. A fact is what is real regardless of what we think about it or wether we even know it. An interpretation is what a human think is ~means~ which matters only to humans.

Fact: The earth goes around the sun

Interpretation A: See humans? you are not special.

Interpretation B: See humans’ You’re not that bad. We get to participate in the “Dance of the stars”

(AThe latter was actually written by a humanist writer of Kopernikus’ own time. if the earth goes round the sun, it is not “down” (where hell is) or “up” (where god is) as many geocentric worldviews implied. “Up or down” becomes utterly meaningless with heliocentrism. )

Fact: The brains of Liberals and Conservatives show differences in scans

Interpretation A: The people are Conservatives or Liberals because of inborn characteristics

From this you could then derive corollary a) All politics is meaningless bullshit if we do not really “chose” it or c) Some politics is wrong, so some people (the ones you agree with) are better than others

Interpretation B: Peoples show differences because they are conservatives or liberals - the brain regions is how their opinion is “stored” and the media bubbles “train” them for characteristic reactions

Interpretation C: Some people are more suceptible to certan kinds of propaganda, we [correct opinion] must phrase our message so it reaches those who are easily misled so they don’t end up voting againt their interest. [Your opinion] is, after all, the best for everyone.

Of course interpretations can become invalid if they don’t account for additional facts. If they scanned children and they had those characteristics before they even know what politics is, B goes out the window - Meanwhile if you scanned people before and after their opinions changed and the corresponing brain regions changed, too, B might increase in likelihood

Another complicated factor is that people are more likely to see something as a neutral/preferential rather than a moral issue if they think it’s inborn.

A common anti-homophobia argument is “But it’s inborn!” which is used because it seems to convince a lot of people even though it has nothing to do with homosexual acts themselves. If we could all choose wether to screw men, women, enbies or no one at all, wouldn’t it still not be anyone else’s business if it harms no one?

by contrast, Once upon a time “orderliness/discipline” was regarded as a moral thing, hence the very word “concientiousness” but now we don’t as much and there are cultural differences (some midwestern americans see foul language as a “moral failing” (”Good christians don’t swear”) rather than simply inappropiate or rude. )

Plenty to discuss here.

But basically, Big 5 and mbti are not equivalent and work by different principles indeed attempts to treat mbti like big 5 have probably resulted in a lot of the less reliable tests out there.

#mbti #big 5 #typology

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toekneetv · 6 years ago

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Dodge Challenger: Car of The Future

Remember 2008? Of course you do; it was memorably awful. The economy was in meltdown, banks collapsed, home values dive bombed and the few consumers whose confidence wasn't shaken were those whose confidence was shattered. And into this maelstrom of economic suck and insecurity, Dodge launched the enormous Challenger two-door coupe (above). It was the wrong car at the wrong time. Except that it wasn't. With a bare few evolutionary changes, the Challenger is improbably now in its 12th year of production and during the 2018 model year it sold better than ever before. It's still a pure retro play; all archaic engineering and spit-into-the-wind muscle marketing. An enormous carbon-slurping coupe at a time when the market is supposed to be headed toward hybrid transportation modules and electric crossovers. Seemingly, this all makes no sense. "While we may not have invested in an entirely new platform," explains Steve Beahm, "we have done a nice job investing in the platform we have." Beahm's title alone fills up a third of the Internet-Head of Passenger Car Brands, Dodge//SRT, Chrysler and FIAT, and Head of Parts and Service (Mopar) – FCA North America. He rattles off the highlights: "We launched in model year 2008 as an SRT8. Behind that, we came out in 2015 with the Hellcat. Then after that we came out with the Scat Pack. That was in '16. Then in '17 we actually did all-wheel drive. In '18 we had the Demon. And in '19 we had the Red Eye. There were other things that were sprinkled in among that, but the reality is we continue to provide investment after investment into the Challenger to keep it relevant. To keep it available for people across all price classes. We try to keep it where it fits everyone."

All the variations on the Challenger have done a great job of goosing interest on a car whose sell-by date passed a decade ago. But the ongoing success of the car should be understood in context. And that context is probably a better indicator of where the car market is now and where it's headed in the near-future than any fantasies about the imminence of autonomous driving and the sure death of internal combustion. Part of that context is keeping in mind that the Challenger's success is relative. Dodge dealers sold 66,716 copies of the coupe last year compared to the 75,842 Mustangs Ford sold, and the 50,963 Camaros that Chevrolet moved. What's impressive there is that the Challenger is available only as a hard-roofed coupe while the Ford and Chevy are also offered as convertibles. And both the Camaro and Mustang are much newer designs. Also in context is that 66,716 is an F-150 production rounding error for Ford. It is, however, still a lot of big coupes with doors long enough to be used as medieval trebuchet arms. The market has atomized and while there are still overwhelming players like the full-size pickups out there, most vehicles are filling niches. And niches, the Challenger demonstrates, can be very profitable over a long period. "We still sell more (base V6) SXTs," says Beahm. "High performance represents about 27-percent of our sales. We consider high performance to be Scat Pack and above." Putting aside offers and discounts for a moment, the SXT starts at $29,340 including a near-extortionate $1495 destination fee. The Scat Pack starts at $40,490, the Hellcat begins at $62,190, and the Hellcat Red Eye is way up at $73,190. That's an astonishing $43,850 spread from the least expensive Challenger up to the geosynchronous pricing of the 797-horsepower Red Eye.

FCA isn't going to share how much profit is any particular Challenger, but there can't be much in the SXT and there has to be a lot in a Red Eye. Let's guesstimate that there's $1000 of profit in every SXT and at least $5000 in Scat Pack cars and perhaps $20,000 in a Red Eye. If 27-percent of Challenger sales are Scat Pack or better-that's more than 18,000 cars-it almost doesn't matter if there's a dime's worth of combined net profit in all the SXTs. Much of the Challenger's enduring appeal comes from the fact that when someone comes in to look at a Hellcat, if that customer can't afford it, they can drive away in an SXT on a $199 a month lease, or carry the credit rating to finance a GT or R/T. But when the customer can afford that Hellcat, the profits rain down. "Someone does come in looking for that Scat Pack or Hellcat, maybe they can't afford it price-wise, they still walk out in a great looking car that has 300-horsepower instead of 717 or 485," Beahm says. The sheer breadth of the Challenger range means there's one for practically anyone who wants one. And why do they want one? Because, and this is a subjective assumption, first is that the Challenger is an utterly gorgeous and timeless design. Its hood is almost pornographically long, the roof is low, and the tail raises up with the lurid provocation of a baboon's butt. In a world where most cars are designed around aerodynamic efficiency and economic optimization, the Challenger is a glorious barn door with separate round headlights, a blunt nose and indulgent design details. While the current Challenger was designed to evoke memories of the original 1970 Challenger, the newer one is actually better looking. And 12 years in, it still looks fresh. Beyond that, what matters to us here at Car and Driver doesn't seem to matter much to the buyers. Camaros and Mustangs are nimble and effective on a race track. The big Dodge, on the other hand, uses a cut-down version of Chrysler's LX platform which, in turn, can trace some of its basic engineering back to Mercedes sedans back when DaimlerChrysler was still a thing. It's not built for racetrack use; it's a plush-riding big car. It's great at chasing horizons, not championships. That it's big means the rear seat is sort of useful, the trunk is useful-ish, and that it's an easy car to get in and out of. The Challenger won't win many comparo titles here at C/D, but few of its buyers will ever care.

Cars, those things that aren't trucks, SUVs or crossovers, are an endangered species. But it's the Dodge Challenger, old soldier that it is, that indicates what the future of cars may be. There will be keenly priced versions at the low-end and monster-profit variants at the high end with the middle muddle of the ranges almost disappearing. They'll have to be high-style and make unapologetically emotional appeals with attributes such as nostalgia or provocative sensuality to attract buyers. And they will need a certain timeless quality so that they can last in production a long time and rack up sales years after the tooling has been fully amortized. They won't sell in huge numbers, but they'll rock in market niches where the numbers pencil out profitably. Profitably even after hacking up the $77 million in fuel economy penalties FCA paid during 2018. In a few years, more or less, Dodge will face the tough task of replacing the Challenger. Following up a car that many buyers still consider perfect looking has to be done with another perfect looking car. Beahm is confident that Dodge is up to the task. I give it a 60/40 shot. The Challenger may look like the past, but it's the future.

Read the full article

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itsdabworthy · 6 years ago

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The Power Adapters and Converter You Need for International Travel

There can be a lot of confusion and trepidation when it comes to traveling internationally, and rightly so. Running an American hair dryer in a European hotel with just a plug adapter will get quite exciting and likely get you a thorough scolding from hotel staff after tripping the breaker for the entire floor.

We’ll try to answer some of the common questions here and recommend some good products to help you with traveling overseas with ease.

It was only five years after Benjamin Franklin “discovered” electricity that he traveled to Europe. It was a busy schedule I’m sure but it would have been nice if he had solicited buy in to standardize electrical plugs. It was a century too early for that, but boy it would have been nice to get the world’s electrical grids on the same system.

As it stands, many countries operate on 220 volt electrical systems, while the United States and others operate on 110. OneAdaptr has created the World Power and Voltage Outlet Guide. Use it to see what your destination country is using.

As you think about traveling, people have three considerations typically: your laptop, your USB devices, and normal North American appliances like hair dryers, irons and the like.

Your Laptop International Adapter Requirements: Basic Plug Adapters.

That box that is in the power line for your laptop is a transformer. Since laptops are built for mobility, they are designed to work within both the 220 or the 110 voltage sources. Typically, all you need is a basic plug adapter to power your laptops. These do not convert the electricity in any way, they only make a connection from our North American plug type to your destination country’s outlet. An easy and simple source for plug adapters can be found on Amazon by clicking here or on the picture to the right.

Your Mobile Phone, Tablet, iPad, iPhone and Air Pods: USB Adapters

Most of your devices have USB inputs. All of these run on the same voltage. One option for these devices is to simply use the basic plug adapters discussed above for your existing mini cube plugs. This requires a bag of adapters for each of the devices you want to charge, but is a viable route to go.

As you visit more countries, you’ll develop quite a bag of plug adapters, so this isn’t necessarily the most economical choice. Read below for more options.

The Cube USB Power Converter: Ceptics CTU Series Dual USB World Travel Adapter.

One option would be to purchase a cube adapter for the country you are visiting. Minis like the Ceptics CTU Series Dual USB World Travel Adapter are made specifically for each country, and will power for a USB or North American standard plug. If you travel to a certain country regularly, it’s not a bad idea to have some of these on hand.

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It’s very important to understand however: these do not convert voltage to that North American type outlet. You’ll blow a breaker or damage your hair dryer, iron or other basic electrical appliance if you simply plug in without a converter to 110. You would only use the North American standard outlet on these adapters with a device that converts voltage from 220 to 110. This would include your laptops, any regular USB device plug, etc.

Don’t let that scare you. If you’re only traveling with a laptop, iPad, phone and other USB type devices, this might be just what you need. Below is a list of devices for their specific country or region (all on Amazon):

Type C: Most of Europe

Type A: Japan and the Philippines

Type D: India

Type E/F Schuko: Germany and Russia

Type G: England and Hong Kong

Type H: Israel and Palestine

Type I: Australia and China

Type J: Switzerland

Type L: Italy

Type M: South Africa

Type N: Brazil

As you can see from the list, buying all those cubes and keeping track of them can get expensive and confusing. In addition, you’ll need a cube for every two devices you need to charge. So, depending on your travel needs, you might need some more robust options. See below for our top choices of converters that might meet your specific travel requirements:

Traveling Light to Europe and England: Syncwire 34W 4-Port USB Wall Charger

The Syncwire 34W 4-Port USB Wall Charger adapter has two primary benefits: it is quite inexpensive and is very compact. Once you travel overseas, you’ll understand: when you plug into a European outlet, it’s usually an act of faith. It’s rarely a tight fit, and you wind up wondering how the whole thing stays in the wall. When you plug in a 1.5 lb heavy transformer adapter into the wall, it’s usually a surprise when the thing stays in the wall all night.

The Syncwire is quite compact and light, coming in at 6.7 ounces, so staying in the wall outlet requires less prayer. It’s another adapter that doesn’t convert to 110 from 220, and you can only plug in USB devices. it is, however, quite affordable, and allows you to travel with a single adapter for all your plug-in needs. You can purchase this on Amazon by clicking here or on its picture.

Travel Light and Want Power for Possibly Every Country in the World: The OneAdaptr Twist World Adapter DUO.

If you want to buy a single adapter that will fit into any plug this side of the Sun from Mars, the OneAdaptr Twist World Adapter Duo is for you. It has a unique round design that will rotate to provide any plug combination you require. It has two USB and a good ‘ol North American plug input for your charging needs. Like the Syncwire above, the Twist World Adapter Duo does NOT convert 220 down to 110 for the North American outlet on this adapter. Keep reading for that solution below.

You can buy this handy, well designed converter directly from the manufacturer here. I do recommend buying from them directly, as I would want to be sure you get the most current version. Original versions from 2015-2016 had some complaints from their first manufacturing learning curve.

If you’ve got serious power needs, and want to bring your high amp, 110 voltage appliances with you, none of the solutions above will meet your needs. They can’t power your typical iron, hair dryer or straightener. If you’re bringing something like that, you need a power converter.

Travel the World and Suck all the Power Right out of every Hotel: The DOACE C11 2000W Converter

When the name of your international transformer and adapter sounds like a jet airliner name, you know it’s got power. The 2019 Upgraded DOACE C11 2000W Travel Voltage Converter is designed for folks who normally pay higher than average electric bills at home, and might have heavier than normal luggage while traveling. If you need to dry your hair quickly, straighten it, iron your clothes, boil your water and power any of the other normal low voltage devices people normally carry, this is your beast of burden.

The DOACE C11 comes with standard adapters to plug into most of the world’s outlets, but you need something a little more out of the ordinary, it will fit any standard adapter that can be bought individually here.

You can buy this converter on Amazon here or by clicking on its picture.

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edgewaterfarmcsa · 5 years ago

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CSA WEEK 8

p i c k l i s t

Tomatoes - Carmen Sweet Pepper (big) - Shishito Peppers (little) - Summer Squash -

Golden Zucchini - Mint - Basil - Corn - Cabbage - Blueberries - Eggplant

Great news! No deaths today while picking mint during the supposed tornado. That said, there was a lot of talk around death while picking herbs and how our tombstones might read. Here lies Jenny and Roy* (yup, you read it right, not Ray), who just needed 8 more bunches for CSA. Once we picked those last 8 bunches we put the truck in 4 wheel drive and headed to the pack-shed to seek salvation from the storm. There we were met by the entire field crew. When thunder or lightning, tornado or hurricane make their way to Edgewater Farm we (field crew) consistently pray for movie day and almost always are met with so many tasks around the packshed. Luckily it was CSA eve, and everyone was there to pitch in on the final squash count, box stack, and pinting of shishitos.

But the big news today is your basil bunch. Each basil bunch was picked from a greenhouse that by the time you are reading this, the greenhouse will be stripped of any remaining basil. The beds will be tilled, and the soil amended as we get ready for the Fall CSA planting. More News on Fall CSA later, but get stoked. That said, these basil bunches could potentially be the ugliest basil bunches you’ve ever seen- as a grower, it is too hard to waste a whole house of basil because stalks are too woody and it's already been harvested through twice. However, like last week’s hakurai turnips (was that last week?) the flavor of the basil is perfect and will take your tomatoes to a whole new level of SummerTime eating.

And lastly, two weeks of cabbage in a row? You betcha! Now you have 0 excuse to not sauerkraut, ferment and get that good gut microbiome.

ROY* an Edgewater 19 year field crew veteran and one of my best friends. He comes up from Jamaica in May and stays through the end of harvest season. Leaves before all of our fingers frost in November. He is always down for a good joke, a helping hand, coffee, and donuts. Lately we’ve shared the mantra, if you go, I go. (This is clearly a joke as both he and I have practically signed on to Edgewater Farm forever and ever, Amen).

TIPS - TRICKS - RECIPES:

Tomato and Corn Pie (smittenkitchen)

JENNY’S NOTE: PLEASE know that i cursed this recipe the WHOLE time. Especially when i came to the part about blanching tomatoes in which i declared, “this is too much work i will never ever make this again.” But then it was served to my picky 4 yearold eater who said, “yum mama, did you make this? Can we have it again tomorrow night?” WHAT THE HELL. So now, it will be in heavy rotation as our Sunday night go to while the tomatoes are at their peak, the basil abundant, and the corn sweet as sugar.

Now back to the recipe: A few notes: First, butter-brushed biscuit-crusted savory pie, where have you been my whole life? I’ve been living on the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon line, clearly. Second, this recipe works exactly as-is, save one irksome issue: our pie was a puddle when we cut into it. I simply poured off the crust-sogging liquid, but I’d advise you to instead seed and juice your tomatoes if you bear it (I hate tossing the most flavorful parts, personally) or risk a mushy base. Third, this pie includes the curious instruction to peeling your tomatoes, which I first dismissed as an annoying extra step but in the end felt that it was absolutely brilliant. No chewy separating tomato skins! Just pure, instense peak-season tomato goodness. Consider me converted.

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 3/4 teaspoons salt, divided

3/4 stick (6 tablespoons or 3 ounces) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes, plus 2 teaspoons melted

3/4 cup whole milk

1/3 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 3/4 pounds beefsteak tomatoes

1 1/2 cups corn (from about 3 ears), coarsely chopped by hand (my preference) or lightly puréed in a food processor, divided

2 tablespoons finely chopped basil, divided (skipped this, no harm was done)

1 tablespoon finely chopped chives, divided

1/4 teaspoon black pepper, divided

7ounces coarsely grated sharp Cheddar (1 3/4 cups), divided

Whisk together flour, baking powder, and 3/4 tsp salt in a bowl, then blend in cold butter (3/4 stick) with your fingertips or a pastry blender until it resembles coarse meal. Add milk, stirring until mixture just forms a dough, then gather into a ball.

Divide dough in half and roll out one piece on a well-floured counter (my choice) or between two sheets of plastic wrap (the recipe’s suggestion, but I imagined it would annoyingly stick to the plastic) into a 12-inch round (1/8 inch thick). Either fold the round gently in quarters, lift it into a 9-inch pie plate and gently unfold and center it or, if you’re using the plastic warp method, remove top sheet of plastic wrap, then lift dough using bottom sheet of plastic wrap and invert into pie plate. Pat the dough in with your fingers trim any overhang.

Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in middle. If your kitchen is excessively warm, as ours is, go ahead and put the second half of the dough in the fridge until you’re ready to use it. Whisk together mayonnaise and lemon juice.

Cut an X in bottom of each tomato and blanch in a large pot of boiling water 10 seconds. Immediately transfer with a slotted spoon to an ice bath to cool. Peel tomatoes, then slice crosswise 1/4 inch thick and, if desired (see Notes above recipe), gently remove seeds and extra juices. Arrange half of tomatoes in crust, overlapping, and sprinkle with half of corn, one tablespoon basil, 1/2 tablespoon chives, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/8 teaspoon pepper and one cup of grated cheese. Repeat layering with remaining tomatoes, corn, basil, chives, salt, and pepper. Pour lemon mayonnaise over filling and sprinkle with remaining cheese.

Roll out remaining piece of dough into a 12-inch round in same manner, then fit over filling, folding overhang under edge of bottom crust and pinching edge to seal. Cut 4 steam vents in top crust and brush crust with melted butter (2 teaspoons). Bake pie until crust is golden and filling is bubbling, 30 to 35 minutes, then cool on a rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Do ahead: Pie can be baked 1 day ahead and chilled. Reheat in a 350°F oven until warm, about 30 minutes

SHISHITO PEPPERS: These peppers are soooo good when pan fried/grilled with a little olive oil and salt. Pull from the pan once blistered, consume immediately- never look back, your life is forever changed, this is your new favorite pepper, you’re welcome.

This eggplant is magical. Not greasy (even though you fry in oil) crunchy, crispy and insanely addictive.

The trick is to slice it thick-ish and salt it generously. Let it sit out releasing puddles of water. Pat dry aggressively, cover in corn starch aggressively and then fry in hot oil until it comes out golden and dark brown in some places (you want to make sure the eggplant meat inside is cooked, custardy and sweet). I have topped the eggplant with garlicky tahini, amba (mango pickle sauce), fresh parsley and sea salt but you can really do whatever you want here.

1 large eggplant or 2 medium eggplants

kosher salt

1 cup cornstarch

4 cups canola oil or any oil with no flavor

sea salt to finish

serve with garlicky tahini (recipe below), amba, fresh parsley, fresh lemon, parsley, honey

Directions- Slice the eggplant in 1/2 inch thick pieces. You have the option of keeping the skin on or removing the skin. I keep it on, because I don’t like to waste it but if you remove the skin, it will get even crispier. Place the eggplant slices on a sheet tray and generously salt the eggplant. Let it sit out at room temp for at least 1 hour. Puddles of liquid will come out of the eggplant. Before frying, take a kitchen towel and pat down the eggplant well, drying them off as much as possible. Slice in half on a diagonal (I think they are too big to fit in a sandwich or a pita this way so I like to slice them in half) Place the cornstarch in a bowl and toss each piece in the cornstarch well. Shake off excess and place on a dry sheet tray. Heat up the oil in a deep pot. If you don’t have a thermometer (which I don’t) heat on high and sprinkle a little cornstarch in the oil. If it sizzles it should be ready. Turn the heat to medium high it should be around 350 degrees f and add in the first piece. I like to fry one at a time so that the oil temp stays up (if you overcrowd the oil the temp will come down and the eggplant wont fry they will soak)

Flip the eggplant over once the bottom is golden and brown in some places around 1-2 minutes. When the other side is golden another 1-2 minutes remove from the oil and place on a paper towel to let dry. Immediately season well with sea salt.

Serve this eggplant on its own, on sandwiches, in pitas…you can do a lot with it.

For my crispy eggplant fries, I peeled the eggplant and sliced them into 1/2 inch thick pieces. Salted them and let them sit out for an hour, pat dry and then sliced them into strips (keep them thicker so that there is enough eggplant inside to get creamy, while it’s frying). Toss the strips in the cornstarch and 1 handful at a time fry in the oil until golden. Let it fry for 3 minutes until they are golden and lightly browned (make sure they get to that golden light brown color, you want the meat inside to cook). Remove from the oil and place on paper towel. Season well with salt and serve with yummy condiments like garlicky tahini, amba, silan, honey….etc.

Garlicky tahini–

1/2 cup tahini paste

2 tsp fresh lemon juice

1 small garlic clove, finely grated

large pinch kosher salt- or to taste

3 tablespoons cup ice water

Directions- Place everything in a bowl and mix. The tahini will get thick and pasty but keep mixing. Add more water to loosen, if needed.

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