#and i believe that ghost can be a terrible influence on the baby

[bubba-draws]

Grimmchild growing up

[transingthoseformers]

TFA TaraProwl Idea: Tarantulas hears his ex, that he is definitely over, died and immediately goes "I think the fuck not" and signs up to help Blackarachnia in order to get to Cybertron and steals the All Spark having betrayed her. Hears about Prowl's ghost showing up and steals his body.

Basically, on the run with Prowl's corpse, Bumblebee and Bulkhead, who can see the Prowl ghost and the All Spark to resurrect the dead. Bulkhead is deeply invested in their "romance" and gasping throughout the entire retelling, while Bumblebee refuses to believe it.

Prowl does get necromancied, though he wasn't dead-dead, more like IDW Bee Dead. Prowl keeps switching back and forth between the groups as Megatron and Optimus are both tracking him down. Optimus to save his friends and Megatron bargaining with his knowledge of the area and watching the drama going down as Sentinel didn’t trust Optimus to go alone and Blackarachnia was dragged along as it was her ship. He is like the terrible influence wine aunt who is just commenting on the disaster trios hot mess of a relationship. He is also invested in this because he has been stuck in the body of a Minicon due to Tarantulas messing with his "upgrade" and is now pocket-sized. Ratchet puts him in a cookie jar as punishment

Prowl confirms their former relationship when he comes back to life and it turns out they didn't break up so much as Prowl ran off due to the guilt of what happened with Lockdow and to avoid the draft. This left Mesothulas alone and as an odd duck. He eventually defected to the Decepticons in part to find Prowl, met Blackarachnia and got his dream bod. He also still has the protoform he'd filed paperwork for them to co-mentor and never activated, carrying them with him a la tiny Sari pod the whole time. During the ruckus the baby is born when they both (+Blitzwing who is glared down by Tarantulas and wisely steps away) touch him and tiny Springer is born.

Of course, Tara, of course.

Ghost prowl?

Ah yes, theft of an offlined frame

oh bulky

Why does that give the vibe of a Frankensteinesque scene but instead of the actual process it's essentially just defibrillating a corpse, except Allspark edition. Tara will say "iT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE!!!" and Prowl just sighs.

Meggsie yES

Tara had no idea what to do until he had all the ideas

Awww yes. So he was just lugging a half baked baby around until this very moment.

[the-fae-folk]

What is a Fairy?

I suppose they probably need some explanation, especially nowadays. Fairies (Faeries, Fay, Fey, Fae, or even Fair Folk) could be considered a type of mythical being. Some have described them as spirits, others as ghosts of the deceased, some deified ancestors, prehistoric precursors to humans, personifications of nature, pagan deities, or even angels and demons in the way of Christian traditions. Often they encompass a metaphysical aspect, being depicted as spirits or beings who transcend the physical universe and world that we know. Or given features of the Supernatural, such as magic or extrasensory perception, which allow them to violate or go beyond the laws of nature. Even sometimes Preternatural, which something abnormal or strange and explainable but still within the boundaries of the natural laws of the universe (for example I could say someone is a preternaturally good cellist, and mean that they are impossibly good beyond expectations or even belief, but I’m not saying that they are actually magical...just that their apparent abilities and how they gained them are unknown and very strange to me.) But what is a fairy? Well you already know what some of them look like. Many people might immediately picture Tinkerbell from the animated Disney feature film, or even from the original Peter Pan novel by J. M. Barrie. And they would be correct, in part. Tinkerbell is a depiction of a Pixie, a specific type of fairy. But there are lots of fairy types, I don’t actually think there’s a complete list. (I should probably try to make one at some point, but no promises.) During some points in history the label of fairy was used to mean magical beings who had a mostly human shape. Gnomes, leprechauns, goblins, pixies, dwarfs, elfs, etc etc etc. And at other points it also included non humanoid magical creatures such as Unicorns, Dragons, Kelpie, Basilisk, and more (Sometimes these were referred to as Fairy Creatures). So where did they come from? Well the funny thing is that Fairies don’t actually come from only one area or set of myths. They are a strange combination of the folklore from all over Europe (and possibly beyond) and include ideas and stories from Celtic, Scandinavian, Nordic, Germanic, French, and English Folklore and Mythology. As these stories were passed around and intermingled and changed they brought about the collective creatures we know today as the Fae or Fairies. The Renaissance, Romantic Era, Victorian Era, Edwardian Era, and even the Celtic Revival Movement of the 19th and 20th centuries all had their influences on the stories and ideas connected with the Fairy folk, some significantly less helpful than others. Even the Fantasy Literature Genre, with Tolkien at its forefront, has added and changed much about people’s view on these creatures. So lets talk about some basic things you’ll want to know when dealing with Fairies. The first thing you might want to remember is that many people view the Tuatha Dé Danann (Supernatural gods, goddesses, heroes, and kings of Irish Mythology) as being the source for Faeries, or at least one of the strongest influences. Celtic Folklore and culture is easily one of the most visible bits of Faerie lore that you can find these days, but there’s a lot more that starts showing up when you begin to dig. Another thing to note is that the Renaissance, Romantic Era, Victorian Era, Edwardian Era, and the Celtic Revival Movement had a massive influence on how people saw fairies. They would mix folklore from different areas of Europe, attempted to prove the existence of fairies through scientific means, created artistic depictions of fairies, and much more. Often they sanitized and shrunk the fairies until they were mostly harmless or relegated to the outskirts of human life as a curiosity. Which brings me to the next point. In a lot of older folklore, from all over Europe, fairy beings are often depicted as being incredibly dangerous. Kidnapping humans or human babies, causing crops to wither, water to dry up, food to rot. They could lure people in with magic into a fairy ring of mushrooms and make them dance forever or make them forget their life. Sometimes they even played with time itself. A person could dance with the fairies only to find that they’ve been gone a hundred years when they try to go home. And many beliefs have depictions of some kind of Otherworld, a world apart from our own, or layered over it like an extra dimension we are unable to perceive or directly interact with. Sometimes its a land of the dead or a hidden underground kingdom, other times is a strange and fantastical country with its own laws and ways of doing things. As these stories meshed together we got what is known as Fairyland. The land which the fairies dwell in. Though some believe they simply live on Earth, hidden in the wild, or among us. Some reoccurring ideas are often connected with fairies, though not all have stayed the same as the original lore they were born from. The idea that Faeries, for whatever reason, are unable to or will not lie. This is a very important idea because the Folk are also simultaneously depicted as deceptive. Like particularly vicious lawyers they will play with words, never quite lying, but purposefully leading you astray or tricking you into a bad deal. They will often obey an oath, promise, or deal exactly to the letter, but ignore the intent behind it in order to twist it to their own benefit or amusement. Whether or not fairies are immortal depends entirely on where you draw your folklore from. Sometimes they are immortal; deathless, not mortal. Unable to die in spite of starvation, terrible wounds, age, or anything else. They are bound to life for all time. But some stories depict the stranger Fae Folk as being Eternal. Beyond time, always having existed and always existing, sometimes cycling, sometimes directionless and boundless and everything. Some tough concepts to get your head around, but nobody really agrees which one fairies are. In some folklore they’re even depicted as mortal, same as you and I, but a lot longer lived and harder to kill. A reoccurring motif in older Folklore is the need of humans to try and ward off fairies with charms and totems. When they were not depicted as outright malicious and dangerous, sometimes being thought to cause illness and death or bring about disastrous misfortune or steal a person’s name and voice, fairies were still mischievous and valiantly unhelpful. So people had all kinds of lucky charms to protect from them: like four leaf clovers, various plants, or actions like wearing your clothes inside out to confuse them. Iron is said in many beliefs to burn them, and certain herbs they view as sacred and will refrain from touching the bearer. A few more things. Christianity plays an important part in this discussion, though many people don’t like that. In many places myths and legends were wiped out by Christianity, either intentionally or simply by the very fact that it was trying to convert people in Europe and old pagan beliefs were seen as nonsensical. But still stories persisted despite this. Many old Myths and Folkloric beliefs were recorded for posterity by Christians, and some stories were altered and we are unable to see exactly how much (Beowulf). A lot of fairy stories remained too, only Christianity painted them as fallen angels or even demons of a kind, who could be kept away from Holy Ground, or were forced to kidnap humans to pay a tithe to Hell (or be taken themselves if they couldn’t pay). So folk beliefs, though generally discouraged by the church as superstition, remained quite strong all over Europe for a very long time. The last three things you need to know. One, there are many people who still believe in Fairies, though their beliefs often vary, sometimes wildly. Witches who claim to work with them. People who believe in them through their religions (usually pagans and other non christian groups). People who claim to have encountered or been abducted by them. And many others. While I personally do not believe in Fairies (though I like to keep an open mind, just in case), I do believe that the beliefs, cultures, and and rights of these people ought to be respected. Which leads me to other mythical beings that are similar to Fairies but hail from cultures and peoples outside of Europe. It might be tempting to label some of the spirits from various Native North American Tribes or from Chinese Folklore (or many others) as fairies. Don’t do that. If Fairies are real, you have to consider that there might be other mythical beings who fall under different categories and groups. And even if they are not real, it is extremely disrespectful to the people of those cultures to take their stories, myths, beliefs, and folklore and try to mesh it in with European Folklore. (this is exactly what the Victorian and Edwardian Era were guilty of.) And finally... Some people might tell you that they know everything there is to know about Fairies. Don’t believe them. Even I, who have spent years and years studying European Faerie Folklore, find new things about them every day. I have sources I’ve found and haven’t yet had the time to look into, areas of study I’ve had to neglect. There is so much about Fairies to explore that it’s quite literally impossible for any one person to know all of it. Personally I’m doubtful that a single person can even know an eighth of it all, you can hardly imagine how much there is. And while there is a great deal of it buried on the internet, there is even more offline. Books which are out of print or have never had their contents uploaded, cultural stories passed down in various European groups which are saved from oblivion only by the oratory tradition, and the remains of all kinds of long dead or vastly changed civilizations who believed in the Fairies and tried to work with or avoid or appease them. All the misinformation and personal gnoses out there also make it a lot harder to find accurate information about traditional folklore. And that’s not even counting the multitude of inventions and ideas spawned by fictional literature surrounding fairies. There is simply too much. But of course... Since when has something being impossible ever stopped a human from trying anyway? If you’re still interested, then who am I to discourage you? Go, jump right in. There’s so much to learn about the Faerie Folk.

[lex-malla-non-est-lex]

Tatiana, Belial, and their plans relating Jesse in the past

I’ve dabbled on this topic a few times but your comment really got me thinking. @delilahssbard

This turned out long so I’ll put it beneath the line.

Like, ever since CoI I’ve been highkey thinking Tatiana intended for Jesse to be possessed, but the specific phrasing you used reminded me of a part of ChoG and suddenly everything fits even more now.

- Chain of Gold

Back then, I honestly assumed Belial was talking about preference here, especially since he’s made it clear the reason he could possess James without destroying his body is they share blood, but that’s clearly different in Jesse’s case.

Considering how it’s repeatedly clarified that the anchor was placed on Jesse while he was a baby, that fact is probably significant. If anything, I’d dare say the anchor seems to be a workaround Belial’s destruction not just because he was literally anchored to Jesse’s soul, but by way of tolerance, especially since James also seems to have drawn a similar conclusion.

- Chain of Iron

There it is. Belial would have the anchor and a body to possess, as Jesse grew older. The anchor was in him since almost day one, and Tatiana clearly knew about the anchor, but what’s to say she wasn’t involved? We know the only one who was reluctant to place the anchor on Jesse’s soul was Gast. At no point is Tatiana mentioned in this until Belial outright says that he owed her a favor.

Jesse is just Nephilim, unlike James and Lucie, so by all accounts, a normal possession by Belial would have destroyed him, but the anchor intervened in such a way that there didn’t seem to be any visible consequences at all to him being possessed repeatedly (unless we subscribe to the theory that Jesse’s ghost started fading faster near the end because of the possession, but as of right now we honestly have no way to be sure about that specific fact).

We know Jesse’s childhood sickness involved fevers, and perhaps weakness, the latter coming from the statements in which he’s specifically referred to as weak. We also now know that the real reason Jesse died was because the rune he was given reacted badly against Belial’s essence inside him. Jesse’s description of his own death is that he collapsed into bed after getting the rune, then woke up feverish and in agony. Honestly, that just sounds like a worse version of his alleged childhood symptoms.

Considering his death was basically the result of a rune’s angelic magic clashing with the demonic essence inside him, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to assume his sickness was just his nature as Nephilim having a bad reaction to Belial’s essence, even if he only died because of the rune. I find it frankly impossible to believe that the anchor wasn’t hurting him, because we know under normal circumstances Belial would destroy a body within hours.

And let’s be real, Tatiana knew this. The only question in relation to her is whether she intentionally let him die.

The following are all quotes from A Lightwood Christmas Carol.

“He is very delicate,” said Tatiana. “Nephilim like yourself wish to put Marks on him, because they are intent on killing my boy as they have killed everyone else I love. You sit on the Council, do you not? Then you are his enemy. You may not see him.”

“I would not force Marks on the boy,” protested Gideon. “He’s my nephew. Tatiana, if he is that ill, perhaps he should see the Silent Brothers? One of them is a close friend, and could come to Jesse at our house. And Jesse could know his cousins.”

Before CoI, lines like these could be shrugged off to Tatiana being paranoid about her son being hurt by marks because he’s sickly, but no, we know now that Tatiana is entirely correct.

And it makes perfect sense that she refused to even let the Silent Brothers examine Jesse. No doubt they’d have been able to notice what was wrong with him wasn’t a sickness. Tatiana made a show out of it to exacerbate her own hatred of Nephilim, but she isn’t unaware of things, she just likes to spin them in a way that can be used to blame her enemies for things.

“Father planned alliances for us, when we were children.” Tatiana shrugged. “How ashamed he would be of you. How is your grubby servant?”

Then there’s her attitude, of course. The implication that she thinks it’s perfectly normal to involve children in alliances and plans. We know she didn’t hesitate to have a dark power forced onto Grace, if anything, it’s implied she requested it. We know Tatiana only sees Jesse as something that is hers, not as his own person, so it’s completely within the realm of possibility that she involved him in her own plans for revenge, even if he was just a newborn with no choice in the matter (or perhaps because he had no choice in the matter, considering how badly she reacts to the fact that Jesse *gasp* has a different worldview than her).

“I don’t care!” Tatiana shouted. “My son is of the blood of two of the oldest of the Shadowhunter families. He is not weak like your son. Go back to your weakness, Gideon. Get out of my sight, get out of my house, and do not darken my door again. I have not missed your company, nor your brother’s, and I am relieved that my child will not grow up under the corrupting influence of either of you.” 

Now, this one isn’t so relevant as much as it’s interesting, because while it looks like Tatiana is just flexing and being mean to Gideon, that whole implication that Jesse isn’t weak does compare to how Belial views Nephilim in general.

- Chain of Gold

Belial had the anchor placed on Jesse alongside his protections as a newborn. Humans never get such protections against possession, and Belial still chose one of the Nephilim as his alternate vessel. He was that plan of his as completely viable.

And much like Tatiana, Belial clearly sees Jesse as a tool, as a method to push his agenda.

- Chain of Iron

And assuming Tatiana knew of the anchor from the start, that checks out. Belial wanted Jesse as a vessel to get closer to his goal. If he’s never seen him as an end-goal, then he’s always planned for Jesse to be a temporary vessel. Tatiana wants the Nephilim destroyed. Letting Belial possess Jesse probably sounds like a completely reasonable thing to her. It solidifies her alliance with Belial, makes things easier for Belial, and as Belial himself implied, Belial owed Tatiana a favor.

- Chain of Iron

Seriously, I can say with reasonable confidence that Tatiana knew Belial would use Jesse, perhaps even agreed beforehand to the anchor itself being placed, because to the both of them, Jesse was basically a puppet. (I mean, even the clothes she had him dressed in within his coffin literally scream Belial)

Then of course, what I believe to be the nail in the coffin for Tatiana’s involvement is just what she tells Grace near the end.

- Chain of Iron

She literally has the audacity to claim Jesse was to blame for his own death and basically defended Belial. You know, Belial, who was possessing and controlling her son. Belial, who placed an anchor in the soul of her newborn son and has basically robbed him of anything resembling a normal life or even afterlife. Tatiana is taking Belial’s side on that without any hesitation.

If anything, Tatiana might have let Jesse get runed just to be able to tell him off, like “ha, told you you were too weak to be Nephilim” or something like that, despite knowing damn well the reason runes would kill him was Belial. Tatiana had literal demons to do her bidding, I don’t doubt she could have physically prevented Jesse from following up on his threat to run to Alicante if she didn’t let him get runes, had she wanted to.

Belial probably can control the dead like Lucie can, most likely having far more experience at it. Tatiana surely knew that. Belial said Tatiana called him after Jesse died, and that he owed her a favor, hence the preservation of Jesse. Obviously, Belial benefited from this, but clearly Tatiana saw Jesse’s death as an opportunity to bend him to her will, because he never shared her beliefs during his life.

Now, this is actually where I believe Tatiana and Belial’s views of the situation diverge. Belial outright says raising Jesse as Tatiana wanted wouldn’t suit him. He had Jesse kept in that so-called twilight state that certainly proved useful to Belial, but I don’t think whether Jesse was alive or not mattered pre-Cortana. Not only does Belial clearly not care about consent, he also probably wouldn’t need it, because his anchor was already deep within Jesse’s soul. Jesse being dead or alive was likely irrelevant to the possession, since the one part of Tatiana’s statement that’s correct is that Belial probably wouldn’t have guessed Jesse would die as he did.

Tatiana wanted Jesse resurrected for herself, for her own desire to have her son follow her beliefs and intentions. Belial just cares for Jesse as his vessel. While they’re allies, I don’t think those two usages were as compatible as Tatiana thinks they were, which is probably why Belial outright says reviving Jesse wouldn’t have suited him, and honestly both of them seem pretty angry about losing control over Jesse.

(Belial’s clearly salty that Lucie exorcised him and Tatiana’s mad he’s “in the clutches of a Herondale”, but clearly both of them lost something they valued as an instrument, none of them are actually mad about their loss of access to Jesse as a person, because they’re honestly both terrible people, to say the least).

I know I called that other one the nail in the coffin, but in relation to Tatiana letting Jesse be runed even though that was practically bound to kill him, Belial outright says Tatiana killed him, even despite recognizing the rune was technically the cause.

- Chain of Iron

TL;DR: Tatiana definitely knew about the anchor, Tatiana definitely knew Jesse would be possessed and used by Belial, and Tatiana also definitely let her son die just because it suited her.

[chalkrevelations]

OK. Ep 26 of Word of Honor.

(As always, spoilers, so scroll past and come back, if that’s not your bag right now.)

You know what? Let’s defy expectations and start with Xie’er and his Awful Yifu for this one, since apparently we’re going to spend the obligatory mid-episode extended emo-porn scene on Awful Yifu spinning, spinning, spinning his web of lies and deceit as he works his hardest to keep gaslighting the hell out of Xie Wang. Oh my god, Xie’er, you know the truth already, you don’t have to get Tragicomic Ghost to confirm it, you just don’t want to believe it. No, things will never be settled, and you know it. YES. Yes, he IS humiliating you. He also murdered your yimu, who you appear to have had some affection for, if your tone of voice when you said “Yimu …” means anything, and it probably does, with someone as affection-starved as you are.

So, all of this booted me straight back into the parallels between the Zhao Jing-Xie Wang relationship and the Prince Jin-Zhou Zishu relationship. Zhao Jing has effectively eliminated literally murdered any competing relationship in Xie’er’s life, just as Prince Jin was willing to let Zhou Zishu’s sect get entirely killed off, leaving ZZS alone and isolated. Awful Yifu explicitly compares the Scorpions to Tian Chuang, which touches on a comparison of Xie Wang and Zhou Zishu that’s always just lying around to pick up, as two young prodigies heading mega-successful assassin organizations (plus the fact that they seem to have crossed paths enough in the past for ZZS to know something about the Scorpions and to be very interested in going to their lair and messing up shit, even when he’s worked so hard at leaving everything else from his palace life behind). Zhao Jing also talks about how he relied on Xie Wang above everyone else and presses hard on themes of secrecy, anonymity, and darkness – “I had you support me in the dark” – that echo the motto of Tian Chuang: “Shadows without traces. Entry without exit. Know everything. Be everywhere. Prince Jin requested me to accomplish these four things when I created Window of Heaven,” Zhou Zishu said back in Ep 1. And now it’s also the poor yifu stories, about how Zhao Jing was in a terrible situation and just trying to help, but this unreasonable woman wouldn't let him, just like Prince Jin was in a terrible situation but couldn’t do anything because the previous Prince Jin wouldn’t listen to reason. Oh, and the hugs. We’re doing the hugs, just like Prince Jin when he really truly no really needed his cousin Zhou Zishu’s help so badly because who else could he depend on. (Stop touching them, you scumbags.) We’re family, you know, and that makes you special to me. Zhao Jing: Don’t abandon this relationship. Prince Jin: How can you leave me when everyone else has left me?

So, all that happened.

Meanwhile, we’re getting the repetition of the theme “Don’t fail me and I won’t fail you,” in the Xie Wang - Zhao Jing – Luo Fu Meng storyline, and I don’t know if this is worded as a mutual pact or as an “if, then” scenario (i.e., mutual agreement to just not fail each other, vs. if you don’t fail me, then I won’t fail you), and I think it’s been translated both ways in the subtitles. At any rate, I submit that it’s the ZZS/WKX relationship (and possibly the Cao Weining/Gu Xiang relationship, as its parallel) where we’re actually seeing this exact theme of faith and loyalty play out, although I don’t know if that will ever be made explicit in the text of the show. I’d actually go even further and say that, at least for Zhou Zishu, at this point, it could be said that “Even if you fail me, I won’t fail you.” I mean, let’s look at this: Just as Gu Xiang does in a previous ep, Wen Kexing’s response to the new big gossip in the jianghu re: Ghost Valley is NOT to tell his fiancé anything about his past, but to beat it out of town for home before Zhou Zishu (Cao Weining) can hear anything about it. Just as Gu Xiang does, Wen Kexing continues in stealth mode, and wow, ZZS’s face when he walks away after WKX claims he couldn’t find the painter in town, but don’t worry, he totally heard about this other guy he’s gonna go see eventually. Wen Kexing. He knows you are lying and yet he continues to respect the boundaries you are setting anyway. (He’s not happy about it, though. He’s kind of pissy at dinner. Poor Chengling.) He’s opened up to you about his deepest darkest secrets and failures and awful deeds, without blinking, trusting that it wouldn’t scare you away, with absolute faith that you’ll continue to be there. Maybe instead of waxing poetically mournful about the sunset (of your relationship), you could return that faith and let him know who you are. I realize you continue to be terrified of getting what you want, so terrified that all you can do is mentally and emotionally curl up into the smallest target possible, protecting all the tenderest and most vulnerable places, but we are in the place for healing wounded animals, and I really need you to get off the mental hamster wheel and THINK.

Anyway, while I don’t think ZZS could have gotten away with this lack of poker face as head of Tian Chuang – although who knows, maybe that’s actually the reason they cover their faces – I appreciate the acting/directing choice to have these expressions happen anyway, to clue us in that ZZS is a really smart guy, and he (unlike Cao Weining) knows what WKX (A-Xiang) isn’t telling him. (Also, it means Zhang Zhehan’s face, doing things. Anything. Whatever he wants to make it do … Anyway.)

Something’s got to break loose soon. Meanwhile, a few random thoughts:

Does … does that opening scene of Wen Kexing dreaming of protecting his puppy from those little brats have shades of his adopting A-Xiang, with related shades of his own shixiong-shidi relationship with Zhou Zishou that maybe possibly influenced his adoption of A-Xiang? I now have this mental image of him telling this story over family dinner, and A-Xiang as Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally: “I’m the dog?” Meanwhile, a mysterious stranger enters, and baby WKX is already smart enough to recognize Stranger Danger and not give out his name. If Drunk-Like-A-Dream shows you your greatest desires, what tf does all this mean? (Also, I think at the point where everyone in your household needs downers to sleep, it might be time to consider some therapy.)

If Tragicomic Ghost actually did go to the Healer Valley for treatment, it would explain that odd comment about not being able to saving WKX’s dad in a previous ep.

Finally, I know, Fan Shishu, A-Xiang is delightful, isn’t she! Nevertheless, you’re giving her some strange looks over dinner that I find possibly a bit concerning. However, in the dictionary under “cinnamon roll” there’s a picture of Cao Weining. I CANNOT with the way he and Gu Xiang look at each other. I love them so much, it makes me actually, literally clutch my chest with joy.

[mask131]

AHS look back: Home Invasion

Second episode of the first season. 

As usual, SPOILERS AHEAD and I am rewatching the episode as I make my notes.

# 1968. The infamous nurse murders. This story actually begins introducing another idea linked to the Murder House (and haunted grounds in general in the AHS world) - the murder house attracts bad people. It is probably no chance that the murderer targeted this specific house. 

# The mention of Jesus and the Christianity of Maria makes much more sense when you realize that this season turns out to be mostly around the devil.

# Ah yes, a nice Psycho reference.

# I just realized now that Hayden’s character is a reference to Fatal Attraction. How could I have missed that?

# Ah yes one of the first clues that Tate is a conduct for whatever devilish power resides in the house. “I believe in the devil, I looked into his eyes”.

# Remember when I said I loved how they played with the guessing game of who is alive and who is dead? Making Larry seem like a ghost and then not? Well it is the same here with Tate - while him lurking over Violet’s bed could be a clue to him being a ghost, it also could be simply him entering the house as Adelaide does (especially since so far we have no solid clue he might be dead) ; and of course it fits with the breaking in. 

# You can already feel Ben’s downfall. Of course him being sexually frustrated to the point of cheating and influenced by the ghosts until he sleepwalks has been already established - but here his obsession with “second chance” and “salvation” shows up. When you look closely you realize he first put it all on the house itself (pilot) and now he displaced this desire on the baby, and this is the first clues that he will get desperate at being “forgiven” or having a “normal” life back, to the point of turning onto his wife later.

# One of the first glimpses of Constance’s psychic abilities. It is something often overlooked, but Constance has some sort of unnatural senses. Not only did she paint the murals (I’ll talk about later), but she also knows Vivien is pregnant the moment she sees her. 

# I hope Violet didn’t left the cupcake for the dog cause she ought to know chocolate is poisonous for dogs.

# The copycats of Franklin actually are another double-play. On the first level they are a play on the home invasion horror subgenre, and a denunciation of the loony serial killer fans and dangerous murderer copycats On the second level they are actually another illustration of how history in the house keeps repeating itself over and over again. There is also a very dramatic irony in how they started AHS denouncing serial killer fans and then ended up doing exactly what these same fans are doing (I am looking at you 1984 Ramirez).

# If Vivien is covering up the mural paintings, it is because of a decision of the creative team. The heads of the show believed that having the murals be always present, all the times, would have been too much and forced too aggresively the creepiness. They decided to be more subtle and discreet than that, and so they decided to have Vivien cover them up again. 

# Something I like with Constance as a character is that they perfectly illustrated the type of abusive person that still loves the one they abuse. Yes she is psychologicaly and verbaly abusive as well as terribly neglectful towards her children, and a very bad mother... but she is also shown as being extremely possessive and protective of them, and we see it in this scene. She locks Addie in the “bad girl closet”, but she also is seen almost crying and having a painful expression as she does so. She is not a purely evil character, she is not a sadistic brute - she has a moral complexity because she acts mostly out of vanity, possessiveness, selfishness and arrogance. She is still able to love and care, and she still has a moral code and moral limits, no matter how warped or twisted they are, but she cannot help putting herself before others, relishing in the suffering of those she dislikes, and disdaining everything she does not deem perfect, beautiful or hers. Many point out that Tate’s sociopathy probably comes from her mother, since she also shows the same traits - lack of empathy, an habit of manipulating others and lying about herself, a love for preying on those she sees as weak or inferior... 

# Once again we see Tate acting as one of the “master ghosts” of the house and one of the “manipulators” among the spirits - this time by teaming up/controlling the ghost of the nurse students instead of the Infantata. It is something very overlooked by fans nowadays, but the creators and writers explicitely stated Tate was one of the “strong spirits” with a form of control over the others. 

[stillunpainted]

Postmortem

cw for implied suicide.  1.8k fic under the cut baby.  Pretty much Neku dealing with the aftermath of the game and then having a conversation with Joshua.

    Neku couldn’t take sudden noises anymore.  It’d always been somewhat of a bother, and his music had helped him block out the little surprises that’d make him jump, the startle like a lightning bolt, but now it was agonizing.  It was as if at any time, he could be seized by the hand of death, freezing his blood like a blizzard.  Though he’d made a promise to himself to wear his headphones less, especially in public, it wasn’t easy.

    Shibuya was vibrant and busy, but it was also overwhelming.  There were times where after simply going to Mr. H’s cafe with Shiki or Beat and Rhyme would result in him having to go lay in bed for hours afterward, staring at the ceiling until he was able to think again.  His parents were worried.  They’d noticed that he was going out more, and generally seemed to be happier than before, but the exhaustion, the anxiety, those weren’t things he could hide.  He enjoyed spending time with his friends, but he wasn’t used to them.  He felt out of place, worried that he’d somehow mess up and they wouldn’t want to be with him anymore.

    He’d picked up an old acoustic guitar, and spent about thirty minutes trying to figure out how to tune it.  That was all he could bring himself to do for the day.  He checked his messages, and it was much of the same.  Shiki had sent an update on her most recent project with Eri, and was still trying to convince him to try it on.  He wasn’t adamantly against the idea, he just wasn’t sure if it was his thing.  He’d had to expand his fashion sense during the Game, and he wasn’t sure where to go with that now.  Was it something he wanted to pursue on his own, or did he want to be influenced by the people around him?

    Though Neku had avoided Udagawa like the plague, he still could see CAT’s art when he closed his eyes, peering over him as he stared up at the painted walls.  He wanted to see it again, as his mind could only replicate everything with a certain degree of accuracy, but the thought of going back made him feel sick, sick enough to rush to the bathroom and wait for it all to come up, but nothing was there.

    The Composer often lingered in his mind, interrupting his normal thought processes.  In this moment Neku was staring at the ceiling again, tapping his fingers to the beat of a song, when he suddenly remembered Joshua off-handedly mentioning that he liked it.  Neku took his headphones off.�� He still hadn’t forgiven Joshua yet.  There was so much pain, so intense that even though those bullets left no scars now, he could still feel them.  He sat up, deciding that today he would face it.  He wasn’t sure why, but felt if he didn’t go to Udagawa now, these thoughts would never stop, haunting him like old ghosts over and over.

    On his way through Shibuya, he kept his headphones on around his neck, ready to put them on if necessary.  He walked past stores he’d come to know well, absentmindedly trying to spot the faces of the shopkeepers he’d spoken with over and over.  There were so many people.  Even though he couldn’t hear their thoughts anymore, it floored him how they all were living their own lives, their own narratives that he would never be privy to.  Their secret gardens.

    It was a conversation he thought back to at times.  He’d wondered if not being able to cross into someone’s garden was even a bad thing.  Was trying to understand someone enough, even if it wasn’t actually possible?  He felt he knew Shiki and Beat pretty well, and Rhyme and Eri to an extent.  His memories of Joshua though… Joshua at times felt completely alien yet familiar, almost like a trick mirror.

    Neku arrived at Udagawa, and saw that the art had changed significantly in his absence.  CAT’s work was still there, some of it new itself, but there were other artists who had added to the wall.  Nothing unusual, but the change made Neku’s chest feel heavy.  He was used to seeing everything shift gradually, not only see the end result.

    It was still beautiful, he decided, just different.  Still the same wall, marked by the same kinds of people.  He wondered if one day he would get some spray paint himself, though he had no idea what he could create.  It wasn’t a part of himself that he’d explored in a long time, not since… 

    Even now, he felt the empty space within his heart.  He still had the last message his friend had sent him on his phone. “See you there,” it’d read.  An interaction that had never been complete, a day that never happened.

    “Well, you’ve brought yourself back here, haven’t you?” A recognizably smug voice rose above the background noise of everyone else passing through.

    “Look at what the cat dragged outta the sewers,” Neku retorted dryly.  Joshua crossed his arms, but there was the tiniest hint of a smile on his face.  Neku was tense, but this relaxed him somewhat.  He figured Joshua hadn’t merely returned after what, months, simply to antagonize him.  Though he didn’t rule it out of the realm of possibility, “what brings you out here, anyway?” Joshua put a hand on his chin.

    “I was intrigued as to why you returned here.  It seems like a morbid place to go by yourself.  I thought that maybe you’d need supervision,” Joshua said.  Neku pulled at his hair, trying not to visibly give Joshua the satisfaction of annoying him.  Though he supposed that Joshua could read his mind, which agitated him further.

    “I don’t need- whatever, it’s just that I kept thinking about everything that happened.  I dunno if closure is exactly what I’m looking for, but it’s something like that, I think,” Neku shuffled his feet.  He was never especially good at reading people, but Joshua was always a special kind of enigma.

    “There’s nothing I can add to that.  You already know why I did what I did,” Joshua said, “neither of us can take that back.”

    “You can’t take that back.  All I did was survive,” Neku said.  He didn’t expect an apology, nor was he surprised by Joshua’s nonchalant attitude towards it all, but it still stung a little.

    “Oh come on Neku, we’ve both made mistakes,” Joshua said, wrapping a hand around his neck.  A flash of guilt washed over Neku, but he let it pass.  He’d talked about it a lot with Shiki after the game, though it was still something he’d never fully forgive himself over.  He’d found that he had a pattern of hurting people.  He’d finally stopped at his duel with Joshua, but still.  He wondered if that old self was buried within, ready to rise at any time.  I killed him- “Neku?  Locked up in that head of yours again?”

    “What would’ve happened if I’d shot you?” Joshua didn’t even flinch at the question.  But he wavered a little.

    “I would’ve been erased.  I would’ve lost that game, yknow.  That’s how the rules are,” he says.

    “I know, but-”

    “The UG would’ve been destroyed, but I can’t say I’d know what would happen after that,” Joshua says, “I can’t give you a real answer, even if I wanted to please you that way.”

    “So even you don’t know,” Neku said.

    “Yes Neku, you’re a fantastic listener,” Joshua replied.  His normal grin is back, though something about it seems off.

    “So why would you do that?  If you’d actually gone through with destroying Shibuya or whatever, it wouldn’t have mattered at all if I’d pulled the trigger or not.  Not much of a crossroad, really,” Neku put his hands on his headphones, contemplating putting them on.

    “It was all a game.  My bet with Megumi.  You were my proxy,” Joshua said, crossing his arms again.

    “What were you even trying to prove with me?  That I’m terrible and representative of Shibuya’s evils, or something?  I was just trying to live and help Beat get Rhyme back at that point.”

    “That’s spot on.”

    “Then did your proof involve me shooting you at the end?”

    “Yes.”

    “Then your plan would’ve killed you no matter what,” Neku said.

    “What do you mean?”

    “No UG means no Composer, right?”

    “Correct indeed.”

    “So you were planning on dying.” A silence settled over the two of them.

    “Well, I didn’t,” Joshua says.  Neku thought of how he initially saw the game as a dream that he dreaded the end of.  There was nothing he had to worry about other than missions, nobody to talk to but Shiki, nobody to nag him.  It was the closest he’d ever been to whatever his own ‘world view’ had been.

    “I can’t believe I’m saying this but,” Neku paused, wondering if it was even worth saying.  Joshua had killed him twice over, but still, “I’m glad you didn’t die.” Joshua narrowed his eyes.  The Composer wasn’t alive per se, but even he knew that wasn’t exactly what Neku had meant.

    “And that’s that,” Joshua said, turning away.

    “Don’t think I’m going to take that as an excuse.  You didn’t have to turn it into some big game with my life,” Neku said.

    “Well aren’t I alive because I did, based on your logic?” At this point, Neku wanted to tear out his hair.  Joshua was the same as always, so he didn’t know why he was expecting anything different.  But surely something had changed within the Composer, as he had preserved Shibuya and brought everyone back to life.

    “Dammit, do you even realize what all of that was like?  You killed me twice, and- and…” Neku trails off, shuddering.  Joshua’s hands ball up into fists and he stares at the ground for a moment, frowning.  He almost seems small, completely losing the aura of being something beyond the fifteen year old standing in the streets of Udagawa, the mural hanging over his head.  He straightens his posture and he’s the Composer again.

    “I do realize.  I’m not incapable of understanding pain,” Joshua says, “hmmm.  Maybe that worsens my case.” He turns to face Neku once again, who wants to back away, but doesn’t.

    “I guess it’s hard to keep going.  I’m not on my own anymore, at least.  Shibuya’s felt bigger than it ever has for me, and that’s exciting on one hand, but overwhelming.  There’s so many places I could go, but I also feel like something terrible is always on the horizon again,” Neku says.  He doesn’t know why he’s telling this to Joshua of all people.

    “Could I be the cause of that terrible something?  Is that what you fear?”

    “No.  I still don’t… I don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive you really, but I trust that you won’t use me again.  I’d be lying if I said being around you doesn’t make me nervous, but I still trust you.  We were partners, right?” Neku says.  Joshua tilts his head.

    “Right, we were.”

[wyattvsmusic]

Kanye West - Donda ALBUM REVIEW

It’s not a Kanye West album without a messy rollout for an album and many changes to an album even if it’s complete. Even when it was announced for the fourth time as this album has gone through a few name changes and many to its tracklist since last year, I was not going to hold my breath on this one coming out. Kanye is almost never reliable when it comes to release dates. Though the rollout was terrible, the way these listening sessions for an unfinished album happened in consecutive weeks at stadiums was a very smart idea that only an artist like Kanye West could pull off. A lot of other Kanye craziness has happened since Jesus Is King but musically, his only output in between albums was two singles, Wash Us In The Blood and Nah Nah Nah. Although I am not super crazy about either of these songs, Wash Us In The Blood in particular definitely interested me in where Kanye was going to take his strong commitment to religious music next. Now that Donda is out, I can hear how Kanye got from Wash Us In The Blood to this album as that song would not sound out of place on here. I am glad it’s not though because this album is long enough already. A good majority of the lyrical content on this album is religion-oriented but it’s not the super surface level style of religious writing that Jesus Is King consisted of. The ideas seem like more thought has gone into them. Right away, the length of this album is a problem. It was just a few years ago when Kanye wanted all of the albums he was working on to be 7 tracks long and on 4th Dimension, he includes the skit about you only want 2 and a half minutes so it seems that he’s thrown that out the window as there are a lot of long songs. However, within such a bloated and disorganized album, this is the best album Kanye has put out since The Life Of Pablo. The production on this album is great, with a few exceptions but with an album so long, there kind of has to be a few skips even though there aren’t that many. This is the best rapping we have heard from Kanye since KIDS SEE GHOSTS; his flows have improved after a massive falloff in rapping ability. Off The Grid is one of Kanye’s best rapping performances in a while even though I hated the Playboi Carti feature. However I did like the UK-drill influenced beat a lot and it made sense for Fivio Foreign to be on that song since that’s his style. Jail is fire and I loved the production. Of course I was happy about the JAY-Z feature as it’s the first time they have done a song together since Clique. The line about the return of the throne also made me happy. Hurricane is fucking great—that beat was perfect for The Weeknd who totally carried the song even though Lil Baby wasn’t as bad as I expected him to be. My ears really perked up when The Weeknd’s vocals are joined by a chorus when he sings “don’t let me drown.” I loved the way Kanye was rapping on this song. Travis Scott sounds amazing on Praise God and I liked the way he and Kanye traded vocals in the way they did. Baby Keem’s subpar feature definitely messed with the momentum of the song but good song nonetheless. I had never heard of Vory before this album but I liked his contributions to songs like Jonah and No Child Left Behind. Ok Ok was one of the songs that definitely grew on me after my first listen. I never really liked Lil Yachty but his feature on that song was actually was pretty damn good. Believe What I Say is definitely an instant favorite as Kanye’s rapping and singing sounds amazing over an instrumental that completely reimagines Lauryn Hill’s Doo Wop (That Thing). Kanye, Dem Jointz and the rest of the producers did a phenomenal job on using such a prominent sample in a great way. I was not expecting to hear Griselda on this album so that was a pleasant surprise. Conway in particular killed it. He’s always great when he raps but when he hets personal in his raps, it’s extra special. Then there is Jesus Lord, which feels like the focal point of the album as both the original and part 2 are the longest songs and it also consists of Kanye gets into his storytelling bag. Not to mention the incredible verse on this song from Jay Electronica which is by far the best verse on the entire album. The first lines on New Again made me laugh; I love some good old Kanye jokes in his raps. The production on this song is so fucking good. It reminds me of some classic Graduation-style beats. The fantastic performances from Chris Brown and the Sunday Service Choir bring that Sunday Service energy that Jesus Is King was supposed to have but ultimately lacked. I also liked how he got into reflecting on his relationship with Kim on Lord I Need You, which is another favorite of mine. I liked how he floated over such a great beat. In addition to how annoyingly long this album is there is so much filler. It really takes away from the quality of the music; he could have taken half of this album off and it would’ve been better. Tell The Vision with that shitty beat and random Pop Smoke feature definitely didn’t need to be on this album. Still, this album is very good. Kanye sounds the best he’s sounded in a while and the production on this album is so good. He also brings the best out of the guests (with some exceptions). The album has little to do with his mother who the album’s title refers to but the music is still great for the most part.

Fav Tracks: Jail, Hurricane, Believe What I Say, Jesus Lord, New Again, Lord I Need You

[porschekittisawasds]

simply cannot believe i made a supernatural fic rec list in the year 2020 but here we are

When Worlds Collide

When Zachariah dies, the illusions he’s created die with him.  But before they collapse completely, sometimes they collide. That’s how Castiel goes from cradling Dean Winchester’s broken body one moment, to finding himself face to face with Dean Smith in the next.

note: basically endverse!cas’s world collapses right after endverse!dean is killed by lucifer and he gets thrown into the it’s a terrible life verse. drama and love and a whole lot of fuckery ensue. it’s tagged as major character death but it’s not really

Broadway Musical

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

note: an AU where dean and jo are destined to fall in love and have two sons who will bring on the apocalypse and be the vessels for michael and lucifer. only problem is cupid’s arrows don’t make them fall in love with each other and heaven promptly starts freaking the fuck out so cas slips into a vessel and tries to do some matchmaking to get the whole end of the world thing back on track. it’s tagged as unrepentant crack and that pretty much sums it up, but it’s also a very funny and enjoyable read

a turn of the earth

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

note: listen i LOVE a good time travel fic

How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (and Sam)

In which, Gabriel meddles with the time line and Castiel becomes Dean's angel rather sooner than intended.

note: after lucifer stabs gabriel in hammer of the gods, gabriel uses his very last bit of grace to travel back to the beginning of time and decree castiel the angel of thursdays and dean winchester. fast forward a few eons and castiel hears mary’s dying cry. he shows up too late to save her, but he decides that a human life is very short in the grand scheme of things so he can play guardian angel to dean (and by extension sam) while also fulfilling his duties to heaven. not only is this pretty much my favorite supernatural fic, it’s also one of my favorite fics in general

The Shattered One

When it struck Castiel, he was in mid-flight. It dropped him out of the sky like a sparrow buffeted by gale-force winds. Castiel set down the first place he could find. He ended up standing in a field in Switzerland, swaying on his feet and staring down at his body, dazed by what it had just done.

note: okay so listen. this is tagged as mpreg but that’s kind of a stretch imo. it’s not like... mpreg mpreg in the sense that it deals with angel reproduction and has nothing to do with sex or pregnancy. angel reproduction goes like this: a section of an angel’s grace will suddenly and randomly break off and begin to grow on it’s own. after a certain period of time, another angel has to offer a piece of their grace and the two pieces will combine to form a new angel. that new angel is a fully developed, fully functional angel and is considered a new brother/sister instead of an offspring.

cas’s grace shatters which means he’s fucked because this takes place in season 5 after he’s defied heaven. no other angel will offer up a piece of their grace so his own is basically going to rip itself apart, killing him in the process. when dean and sam find out cas is going to die, dean offers up part of his soul in place of another angel’s grace. what results is a new angel that has just enough human in it that it takes the shape of a human baby and sends pretty much all of their lives into a tailspin.

ALSO just a heads up this is definitely more pre-destiel despite the relationship tag. there’s a sequel where im pretty sure they do get together but i haven’t read it so i cant’s say for sure.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester.

note: FBI!cas gets thrown headfirst into the supernatural. tagged as major character death, but again it’s not really

My Roots Take Flight

After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

note: season 4 au where dean is an angel and cas is a human except it’s way more complicated than that

Peace and Good Luck To All Men

Christmas in the Milton household was difficult enough without the added complication of guests- and if Luke and Gabriel placing bets on who can get with Sam first wasn’t bad enough, then Cas developing a ridiculous crush on his sister’s boyfriend definitely is. 

note: the one where michael, lucifer luke, gabriel, anna and cas are all human siblings but michael and lucifer luke are still trying to kill each other, gabriel is still Like That and cas is still super into dean which is pretty inconvenient considering he’s with anna.

Asunder

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6) 

note: it’s been a very long time since i read this, but from what i remember it’s an AU where they’re all human and dean brings his friend/co-worker cas as his “date” to sam and ruby’s wedding for moral support. when sam was in college, he met ruby and they started using drugs together. after several failed attempts at helping him get clean, dean eventually cut sam off and it’s been years since they’ve spoken. even though sam and ruby are now both sober, dean blames ruby for everything that happened and the only reason he’s even going to the wedding is because bobby and ellen basically force him to. again, it’s been years and years since i read this so i can’t remember a lot of the details, but i do know that despite this being a dean/cas fic a lot of the focus is dean rebuilding his relationship with sam and that’s what i remember really liking about it.

Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered

Death brings Sam back — sort of.

note: a general fic involving only sam and dean. sam’s soul is so damaged from its time in the cage that when death brings it back, it shatters into pieces and so does sam. like literally. there’s four different sams now, each representing a distinctive part of his personality. sounds cracky but it’s actually surprisingly angsty and focuses on how the sams and dean are adjusting to their new reality and each other

Point Pleasant

(okay so this fic was deleted but i’m putting in on here anyway because the author has since turned it into a novel and had it published. im sure old pdfs of the fic are floating around but i highly recommend reading the novel version. if you know it was based on a destiel fic then it’s really easy to see those influences in the writing and the characters but it can stand up on it’s own. also!!!! it has pretty much the coolest take on the mothman’s origin story that i’ve ever heard.)

Ben Wisehart (Dean Winchester) grew up in the idyllic town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia. An early encounter with the supernatural shaped his worldview and served as the catalyst for his career as a bestselling horror writer. Thirteen years after abandoning his home, Ben returns to the town to investigate the apparent reemergence of the terrifying creature responsible for his childhood nightmares. In Point Pleasant, Ben is confronted not only by the town’s resident monster, the Mothman, but also by his former best friend, Sheriff Nicholas Nolan (Cas Novak). Together, Ben and Nicholas (Dean and Cas) uncover the mystery of the monster in the woods and discover that the ghosts that haunt us are sometimes made of flesh and blood. And sometimes, they lead us home.

Sympathy for the Devil (and Dean Winchester)

this is not so much a rec as it is a request.

basically an au version of season 5 (and kind of the whole series really). when god cast lucifer out of heaven, he tore out his grace. lucifer’s grace was put into the cage, but lucifer himself fell to earth and spent thousands and thousands of years reincarnating as a human. his latest reincarnation? dean winchester. so when sam opens the cage, lucifer’s grace is released and dean realizes that he’s lucifer. part of him still kind of wants to start the apocalypse but the other part of him has a whole new appreciation for humanity considering he now remembers every human life he’s ever lived. it’s made more complicated by the fact that dean (/lucifer) doesn’t really want to tell anyone that he’s apparently the devil so he has to keep his now angel status on the dl and also because despite heaven wanting the apocalypse to start, michael went missing from heaven shortly after lucifer was cast out and no one has any idea where he’s at.

this fic was deleted, but if anyone happens to have a pdf copy let me know. i would be highly appreciative!

[aconboyindependent2021]

‘Now and Then’ - current state of play

My film is a re-imagining of the site of Brighton General Hospital next to my home. Until around 70 years ago, a workhouse operated on the site (for details, see: Gardner, J, (2012) A History of the Brighton Workhouses). Aspects of the austere workhouse are still evident on the site today. I began to think about the stories of the residents of the workhouse – what did they have to endure? With this in mind, I bought the above book by a local author about the history of workhouses in Brighton.

I have always been fascinated by the idea that traumatic events in a particular location can be recorded and replayed at a later time in history and that this might be a basis for ghosts and hauntings – for example, in the blockbuster, Poltergeist, and the BBC drama from the 1970’s The Stone Tapes (Sasdy, 1972). This is one of the key concepts behind the film.

After a lot of thought, I settled on the story of the workhouse being told by a single woman, Agatha, whose infant child was taken from her illegally and sold to a rich couple living in Brighton. This is a variation on the common Victorian  practice of unmarried women being compelled to give their children to a foundling home.

The film starts with Aggie telling her story in largely neutral terms and comparing the workhouse and the site’s positive use today as a hospital, but it climaxes with Aggie screaming with the loss of her child, and we see that she is a tormented spectre.The film ends with her anguish fading into a sign on the present site, promoting a nursery for infant children.

The film will be around 5-6 minutes long and will consist of edited original footage taken on the site in the present day. The film will be treated with video effects to alter the pacing, colour and atmosphere of the original footage. I have asked for a drama-trained friend to narrate the film as Aggie and will be using original and library sound effects and music motifs, or possibly drones to punctuate the soundtrack.

Now and Then – influences from other artists

1. Brian Percival - About a Girl

Female voice-over revealing a terrifying truth about motherhood at the end of the film. This film gives a cold dead feeling inside from the casual yet downcast demeanor as the leading character talks about her dysfunctional life and especially the ending, where the girl is revealed to have secretly miscarried a baby and we see her dump it into the canal (“I’ve become good at hiding things”). Both my film and About A Girl attempt to humanise the female main character outside of their tragedies.

2. Tobe Hooper - director of Poltergeist Paranormal activity centred around past events and the presence of aggrieved spirits. This was a film that made an impact on me from its non-stop tension, even before the presence of the supernatural becomes apparent. Tobe Hooper, ever since creating The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) has achieved many awards, and after this film, it is easy to see why. It also has a similar plot to my initial idea for my film - where a great wrong done in the past creates a ‘haunting’ by aggrieved spirit(s)..

3. Peter Sasdy – Director of The Stone Tape (1972)

The original idea from the film was stones “recording” traumatic events from the past. While the current draft has drifted away from this concept, it still lives on with how Agatha remembers everything about the past as if she died yesterday, despite the superficial veneer of the current day hospital. However, Agatha is a real soul though in my film.

4. David Lynch - Eraserhead, The Elephant Man His black and white films – particularly The Elephant Man In the latter, view of Victorian England shot in black and white featuring cruelty and time-specific sounds, sights and atmospheres. The film always seems to have a sense of foreboding, even when the scene is uneventful, and with a deeply engaging soundtrack. Eraserhead will always always be an influence due to its deliberate disturbing monochrome style, investigation of altered perception and the anxieties of parenthood.

5. James Gardener- Author of: A Complete History Of Brighton Workhouses A detailed and easy-to-understand book centred around the original workhouse in my area. It includes the Brighton General Hospital Site. It helped give a real-life grounding to my supernatural tale.

6. Richard Boden - director of the Blackadder series 4 finale, Goodbyeee The series as a whole has very little to do with my film, but this is a powerful episode whose fade-out ending and closing-sound inspired the cross-dissolve effects and soundscape in my film - coincidentally both are centered with the cruelty of the past and atmospheric sound. Present and past merge at this point. One of the most popular scenes in TV drama/comedy and understandably so too.

7. Piotr Obal – various films and still images Obal is an independent artist who works with art, music and still photography. Occasionally, he teaches youths how to work at the computer like me (!) when he was helping out with an arts award I was studying for. Below is one of his images that has been an influence on me and the film. I love his Photoshop collages and the wonderful images he posts from his native Poland.

                                                        Work by Piotr Obal

8. Nalini Malani- for her immersive installations, ‘disgraced’ women under partiarchy, history and mythology, miscarriages of justice. I found out about Malini when I was writing my essay on her work in the  Diversity module: what started off as just finding out about an artist for the sake of my writing became a long-lasting admiration and inspiration from an artist who not only knows where she is coming from (from her upbringing hugely affected by India and Pakistan’s partition) but willingly sticks her neck out for those oppressed by society and history, and confidently shows her creations to the world. A particularly relevant aspect of her work is her use of the supernatural and mythology stories and myths to highlight aspects of women’s oppression throughout history.

9. Chris Butler- director of ParaNorman A key influence, supposedly aimed at children, I used the same of the spectre in this moving animation, and I was influenced by its themes about the cruelties of humanity and how we “moved on”. The spectre is a ghost of a falsely accused of being a ‘witch’ who wreaks her revenge on those who persecuted her.

It was also a strong influence that is more powerful at its climax and twist. In-depth look at how prejudice destroys lives that are never regained - even  death provides no relief. Butler is a part of Studio Laika, creating animated films that go beyond the norm.

10. Jacqueline Wilson - the writer of the Hetty Feather trilogy and other such Victorian novels such as Clover Moon.

A part of Jacqueline’s writings is her commentary about how unjust the past could be compared to today: even though her protagonists speak in ways that were customary to Victorians, she keeps them relatable the same way she keeps her modern-day protagonists relatable. The writing style of her books inspired certain characteristics of Agatha’s narration, because it was easy to understand yet engaging.

11. David Lean  - Director of Great Expectations (1946) This film, based on the Dickens book,  also brought to mind the cruel period of the Victorian era, and the acting and emotions continued that spirit and my inspiration around my project. I love that it is black and white as well as dialog-centred - I particularly like the formal style of speech - even to express negative emotions- for example:

“Let me point out the topic that in London it is not the custom to put the knife in the mouth for fear of accidents. It's scarcely worth mentioning, Only it's as well to do as others do”.

Miss Havisham, an almost ghostly older woman, in a similar way to Agatha cannot move beyond the terrible wrong done to her - she was left at the alter and devoted her life to training her adopted daughter, Estella, to get revenge on men.I use s similar obsessive, sing-minded hatred to motivate Agatha.

12. Sunset Boulevard (1950)

This film involve a man becoming the object of affection of a former silent movie star, Norma Desmond who overtake his life little by little until she kills him. Norma suffered with the times when silent movies went out of fashion and she is unable to move on, alone in her great house: people told Norma that she had no value and it had an impact on her psyche. She loses all sanity when arrested for killing Joe Gillis as she believes she is back in show business. The film also explores facades; Norma may live a glamorous if not lonely life, but her mental state torments her, like Aggie has with hers as she wanders around the hospital site driven ‘mad’ with grief and anger.  

13. R D Laing: ‘anti-psychiatrist’

'Here was someone explaining madness, showing how the fragmentation of the person was an intelligible response to an intolerable pressure”

Quote from: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/aug/25/rd-laing-aaron-esterson-mental-illness

 In discussing the concept of my film with a member of my family, I was directed to the psychiatrist/anti-psychiatrist, RD Laing. In the 1960’s and early 1970’s Laing wrote about how a person’s so-called ‘mad’ behaviour was in fact intelligible when their entire situation and experience was taken into account. He and other writers (like David Cooper) talked about the concept of the ‘double-bind’ where a person’s opportunity to make a decision to resolve the way they were being treated was blocked – perhaps by a member of their family saying that it was not in their personality to be assertive or angry.

This reminded me very much of Agatha; she tries to express her outrage at the great wrong done to her, but she is judged as unworthy and undeserving, so the wrong is seen as justified and her punishment for being the ‘low-life’ who would have a child and have to live in a workhouse. It is circular – she is treated badly because she deserves to be treated badly and so this means that her hatred and insanity brings the great wrong up herself.

Laing is largely forgotten today, but his ideas resonate with certain ideas in feminism and anti-racism. ‘Gaslighting’ is everywhere, both back then and now.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NnBonXPLJM

[alphaofdarkness]

not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM. 

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs? 

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her. 

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post! 

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31.  Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam! 

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will. 

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes. 

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰  You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Final Section of Chapter Three: Is the Time Not Come Yet?

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

Trigger warnings for heavy discussion of suicide.

Overwhelmed, afraid, and unmedicated, Dapper needs help dealing with everything that’s happening before he makes a lasting decision.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap, honey, what are you doing?

Hypnosis, Henrik advised you, always causes a dam break eventually.

Anti can soothe the water back into place again and again. He can build the walls higher and higher. He can lie, manipulate, deceive, and ignore.

But at some point, no matter what he did, Henrik knew there would be a moment where Trick wound up distressed and confused and terrified, sobbing about all the ways in which he can feel that his head has changed, that his thoughts have changed, that his very person, at Anti’s behest, has changed.

Two weeks of heavy influencing. Some months of lighter work before that. And Trick feels like the world is ending. Trick feels like the person he was before was killed in front of him. Through it all, he still loves Anti.

That might be the most torturous part - to see him clearly for what he’s done, to know that the reason he wants to protect him is because of the hooks buried in his brain, and to still know he wants to protect him anyway, to make him feel okay, to be there for him.

Two weeks and pieces here to here as the months went by. It’s nothing to laugh at. His pain has been high for a long time and all of them suffer different.

But Dapper -

Dapper and the dam that Anti built high, high, high -

Dapper has been under Anti’s influence for most of his life.

Years and years and years.

The seams of his world are falling apart. In moments of clarity, you have heard him whisper truths too terrible to believe - he made me do things I didn’t want to do. He made me happy to do them. I was a happy and loving person learning to find my place in the world and he took that person and made me kill him with my own two hands.

Now, he not only knows them but feels them. Feels the truth of them. They burn like white fire in his chest and he wishes that he could scream.

This isn’t what I wanted! This isn’t who I am! Where did I go? What did you do to me? How many times have I fought and fought and fought! Why can I never, ever get free!

This is the quiet, violent undercurrent of his agony, tearing his feet out from under here. The riptide of his despair. And the rest?

You feel Dapper’s hands signing rapidly, desperately, incoherently, his breaths coming in short, horrified wheezing, small jolts running through him every now and then as his hallucinations prod and snap at him, disorientation making him dazed and unresponsive on the ledge of that path overlooking the ocean, paranoia pounding against his skull in a hateful rhythm as terror of Anti returning mixes with terror of being without him and Dapper is - Dapper is -

Your camera crashes to the pavement behind the ledge, so you can see his body seizing up, his hands signing nonsense to himself, his face twitching.

Dapper is not able to deal with this alone.

Anonymous asked: Dapper, hang on, okay? It'll be okay. I promise, it'll be okay. We're gonna get one of your brothers to come find you, where are you? We'll try and keep Anti away, if you want us to. Hang on, buddy.

You can see the rocking ocean curling and uncurling her arms beneath the cold lights of a public beach, down past the highway and the people below you. There are voices chattering from all around Dapper. A small, fragile tree is growing out of the side of the cliff to brush leaves into his hair. The ledge is man-made steel and runs along a path that zig-zags up the cliff. Everything is bright and everyone around him sounds happy. Dapper cries quietly, hugging his bear and his knife to his chest. When did he get over a ledge? He needs to remember the plan. He needs to escape something. His bear whispers at him and he nods, slowly, trying desperately to orient himself.

spicydanhowell asked: red, dapper is on the ledge of a building. he can't have gotten far but he dropped a key , so if you see that on the ground, he'll be up above! go quickly

“He could have gone anywhere,” says Ro, his voice calmer than you might have expected, his gaze set and determined, though he’s so dazed he’s having trouble walking in a straight line. “There are so many high buildings around here.”

“The cathedral,” suggests Dok. “He loves churches. He would want to be close to his God.”

“He’s not in his right mind right now,” reminds Red nervously.

“There’s a belltower attached to the monastery near by, very high up,” adds Trick, teeth still chattering from his panic attack. “And the government buildings lead up, up, up.”

“There are armed guards on the government building past six o clock, not that that would necessarily stop him,” Anti puts in tersely. “I can send him messages through the cameras but he’s not answering.”

Anonymous asked: I think he's up the mountain path on a ledge where your old house is!

“Our old home is very far away, but if he’s on some kind of mountain path - ”

“There are cliffs leading all the way down to the ocean,” Red connects quickly. “Come on, we have to head north. Anti, can you keep going?”

Blue’s body is beginning to wear down, Anti’s eyes growing dark with shadows, clutching tightly to the cane as his legs and knees tremble. “Of course,” he pants, shaking his dizzy head. “Of course, don’t insult me. We need to get to him now.”

bupine asked: trick, dok, anyone, where are you? do you know where dapper is?

They race through the streets together, the four of them no longer fleeing each other but moving as one towards the north, helping keep each other on their feet. Henrik keeps trying to leave Anti behind, but Trick always pauses him, fear in his eyes, shaking his head, and Henrik tries to quell his terror enough to soothe Trick’s.

“The ocean, the ocean, the ocean,” chants Red to himself.

“A steel ledge on a path up the cliff,” says Trick, gripping his arm to stop him and point. “Look, the mall is built into the side of a cliff, do you see? There are three high stories.”

“There’s a path,” adds Dok, panting, racing towards it. “We’ll take the elevator up and split up to find him. He’s facing the ocean. He could be on the balconies of any of the restaurants and shops or down on the path somewhere, looking out over the highway.”

It’s supposed to be a nice, beautiful place to wander around and shop and eat and look at the shining ocean from the zig-zagging pathways. To throw himself off the side of it… onto the highway below… his baby brother’s little body broken on the pavement…

Trick stops in the elevator to wipe the tears from his twin’s eyes, holding Dok to his chest.

Anonymous asked: DAPP NO.

Dapper is lowering himself carefully down.

Gripping the ledge in one hand, he slides his feet down the side of the cliff and slowly finds a delicate place to set them. The dirt is like the dirt of the mountain where they lived, loose and shifting, shifting beneath his feet. He keeps a precarious grip on the ledge, letting himself stand tenuously over the height below him.

Flickers of clarity interrupt his confusion. This will be easier. This will be nice. No more hurting. Always hurting. No more little rooms. No more pounding his fists against the wall or waking up to a rope around his throat or pretending he’s having conversations with brothers he can hear through the walls. No more loneliness.

And most importantly, his brothers will be able to do what the magicians told Henrik they would have to do - all find a way to be free together.

He can’t fight. He can’t get away from Anti. He can’t ever get away from Anti. This - this is what he can do. Maybe Anti will even make the others forget him, so it won’t hurt, and then they’ll all be able to be happy without him.

The image of Trick’s bleeding, impaled body flickers in front of him. He chokes on a sob. Trick might have been reversible, but so few of the deaths he caused were. He doesn’t deserve to live anyway.

Anonymous asked: Dapper, hey, no. Hang on. It feels like the best choice, I know. But it will get better. I promise you, Dap, it will get better. Hang on. Please.

Dapper groans and shifts slightly, his back beginning to ache from this position. Maybe this wasn’t the plan? Did he have one? Is he trying to save someone? To give Anti a scare or force one of his brothers to come find him? Why did he come down here? He wants Last Rites before he dies. But maybe this is his only chance.

He gives a choking gasp as something imagined licks his ankle, immediately trying to yank his foot back. The dirt beneath him shifts and he makes a noise like he’s been punched, scrambling at the cliffside, almost going sliding down it. The dirt is turning his white bear brown. He clutches it to his chest and signs Hail Marys one-handed.

spicydanhowell asked: red is coming to help you, baby, it's okay. just hold on tight

It used to just be him and Red. No, it was him and Jackie. He remembers watching him die in more ways than one. He remembers waking up one day and realizing that Jackie was gone. Maybe the night Red chained him into the bathroom because Dapper didn’t want him and Anti to go out fighting, or the day Red shoved him off when he tried to stitch him back together, or the first time Red didn’t come to check on him before bed, whispering reassurances just for the two of them, memories of home and freedom shared in soft hands. He wipes at his wet face, trying to remember when he started crying. He just wants to go back to how things were, before this all happened. But all those people are dead and all that remains are the ghosts of them. He doesn’t want to see Red. He knows he won’t be Jackie.

bupine asked: anti, when you find him, i think it'd be best if dapper's other brothers handled the talking to him. he will definitely be more upset if you say anything, he's confused and scared after years of abuse and i feel your presence won't help. remember that you won't be able to rewind anything that happens today. so you should be careful.

“What?” laughs Anti, brushing sweat from his eyes with trembling hands. “No, you don’t understand anything! Dapper and I - what’s between us has never been like what the others have. If he won’t listen, I’ll make him. Anyway, he’s not getting a choice right now. I’ll grab him and drag him back up, and if I have to do it while he’s kicking and screaming, fine. He’s not in his right mind and I won’t lose him.”

He grips at Blue’s shirt, panting. “I c-can’t lose him.”

Anonymous asked: Guys, hurry. He's on the cliff now, I think he's at the top.

Anti splits from Red along the path while Trick and Dok hurry around the mall at the top of the cliff. Blue’s hands grip at the bar of the path, his cane tapping quickly across the ground. Anti stumbles once and goes crashing to the ground, but he gets up just as quick, his palms bleeding. He reaches the end of the path with a low cry of desperation, slamming his fist against the wall of the cliff hard enough to make a small tree lose leaves.

He pauses, letting his mind flicker into Dapper’s abandoned camera and finding his view duplicated. He scoops up the second camera hurriedly, staring around him.

“Dapper!”

Anonymous asked: He's on the cliff face itself, guys. He's standing on dirt. If you can see him anywhere from the ground looking up, that should give you a good idea of where to aim to get next to him.

He’s on the cliff face itself. Anti races to the ledge and looks down over it, a veritable howl of relief moving his voice as he sees his youngest, his most powerful, his most important standing there shaking against the cliff wall, his gaze glazed and terrified, blood still dripping from his beard from how much power he exerted today.

“Oh, baby, is it so confusing? I know, I know. You needed a break, huh? I understand. You’re not in trouble. You just got scared. I’ve got you, come here.”

Anti reaches down to snatch his wrist. Dapper sucks in a scream, tearing his arm away, sliding another few inches down the mountainside.

“Stop it,” cries Anti, tears welling in Blue’s eyes. “Stop it, I’m not angry, I promise, my love, I promise. Talk to me, talk to big brother. It’s going to be okay. I’m here.”

“Lock me in my room again!” scream Dapper’s hands between desperate bids to tear at his over-grown hair. “Doll boy, puppy!”

Anonymous asked: Anti, full offense, you're falling apart. All Dapper will see with you like this is Blue and he'll probably feel like he's talking to the wrong person. And you'll probably scare him shitless as just yourself because clearly that's an even bigger mess. Just admit that you aren't in control for once and let the others take care of this, or you really WILL have no control over anyone or anything without Dapper.

Anti rears back, panting, clutching at Blue’s clothes. He has to make him stop. He has to grab him. This cannot happen. It can’t.

“Baby brother,” he repeats, trying to be soft, trying to be soothing. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Hurt me!” screams Dapper. “I know you’ll never let me go! This is me escaping! This is the only way I can help my brothers get away from you! All fight together…”

Anti hears a raw scream from above him and turns to see Dok and Trick staring down at them, Trick’s eyes huge and Dok’s dripping water.

“Anti!” screams Dok. “Let him have Blue! Now! Get away from him! You’re the fucking problem!”

“Come on,” calls Trick, pulling on his arm, and the two turn to race towards the path to get down to them. Anti hears Red calling for him from the other side of the path, headed his way.

Anonymous asked: Fight Anti, Dapper, don't hold back!

“No, don’t fight anyone right now!” screeches Anti. “Just hold still, goddamn! I won’t try or possess you or hurt you, just don’t fall!”

Anonymous asked: You're killing him, Anti. You're killing all of them. Look at Dapper, look at Blue. And yeah, I know you don't care about most of them, but I'd have thought you'd at least care about Dapper enough to stay away from him. You can't help him, Anti.

Anti shakes his head wildly, leaves growing on the tree beside him as fear races over him in dizzying circles. He’s never felt so lost in his life. Blue’s body is his last vestige of control and he just wants to get Dapper up from that ledge. He can’t let this happen. It can’t happen!

“Just don’t let him fall,” he groans to you through gritted teeth.

Anonymous asked: Anti this isn’t about you! Shut the fuck up and let the others handle it. You have already done enough.

Anti stands in the middle of the path, feeling weak and frozen. Red comes racing up to him and takes one look over the side before Anti sees panic grip him too. Red’s mouth opens and closes as he tries to find the right words, but he’s never trusted himself to be good at any of this.

“I’m - I’m here,” is all he can manage finally. He tries to reach down for Dapper’s wrist, but his little brother jerks away, sobbing and hiding his face in his bear.

“Monsters and ghosts! Don’t touch!”

Anti and Red both exchange desperate looks. As different as they are, they both have the exact same instincts in this situation - grab him and drag him the fuck to safety. Nothing else matters.

Anonymous asked: Come off it, Anti. "Baby brother," psh. Dapper's not a fucking baby, he's a grown fucking man you've insisted on infantilizing even as you've forced him to kill. And he sure as hell isn't your brother. You don't love him, you just love using him. Let someone who actually gives a shit about him help him out of this, not someone who only pretends to care.

“No!” screams Anti, his fists gripping together hard, his eyes watering. “No, that’s not - even if it is true, he belongs to me! He’s mine, he’s my little brother, you don’t have the first idea what we’ve been through. He was always meant to be the way I molded him to be. I don’t care if he’s happy with it! His head has always been fucked up!”

“Anti, listen,” cries Red. “He’s scared and getting scareder so just come away from him for a moment. We can talk about it later, once he’s okay!”

Anti pants, jerking away from the ledge, gripping at Red’s shoulder to feel like he controls at least one person here.

spicydanhowell asked: henrik will be here too, hunny. and he is himself at least. i promise you he will not lose himself. he's.... almost like the brother he was in the past. you're going to be okay.

Henrik is there.

And Henrik is there in a hurricane.

“Let Blue out now!” he screams, grabbing Anti by the collar and throwing him back against the cliff wall. Trick lets out a cry of terror, biting his lip as his twin breaks multiple rules in one go. “You let him out now, I swear to fuck, Anti!”

Anti’s eyes burn at him, fury and fear mixing together in his face, gripping at Dok’s wrists. “Get the fuck off me,” he hisses.

“No!” screams Henrik, beginning to reach hysteria. “No, you’ll give him Blue, now, now, or I’ll - ”

He grips Emmanuela’s raven, panting. Anti’s eyes burn and narrow.

“That won’t be enough to kill me, you know,” he hisses like a snake. “There are very few things that ever could.”

“Maybe we should find out,” pants Henrik. “Don’t lose Dapper to your own stupidity, you selfish nightmare. He’s hurt enough for you. You gave up Blue to take care of us, right? So let Blue take care of us.”

Anonymous asked: Hen, even if you convince Anti to let Blue go, I don't think he'll be conscious and back in his head enough to help. I think you have to help Dapper.

“Two heads would be better than one,” replies Henrik coolly. “And believe it or not, I’d prefer for Blue to not be possessed whether or not he’s available to help me, so why don’t we just double-check?”

“Playing such a dangerous game so early,” hisses Anti. “When did you find your courage, my brother?”

“When did you lose all of yours?”

Anonymous asked: Ro, remind him of all the progress and trust you two have built together in the last couple weeks. It seemed impossible at first, right? But now you have so much common ground and understanding and love. Let your words act as your hands.

Red leans carefully over the ledge, staring down at his little brother. “Dapper,” he calls. “JJ.”

“No, no,” Dapper shakes his head hard, pulling on his hair. “No, no, I’m not anyone anymore.”

“You’re my little brother,” says Red.

“I need to get you free… all have to fight together… this is the only way I can fight him. He owns too much of me.”

“We’ll worry about the fight later, Dap. Like this week. No worrying about fighting or what’s going to happen. Just resting and looking after each other. Playing card games and eating all the food we can get our hands on and taking hot showers and whistling music. Just come up here to me, Dap. I’m right here and I’m not going away this time. You’re still your own person and I love you. As much as I can remember ever having loved you. Dap? Are you hearing me?”

Anonymous asked: Anti please just let Blue get to him or talk to him before it’s too late

“You do what you want, then,” spits Henrik, drawing away, eyes shining with tears. “But if he dies you’ll get to know you didn’t even try to help.”

He turns back to his little brother, leaning over the ledge to talk with him. Anti pants, closing his eyes. Trick moves forward to put a hand on his shoulder, ducking his worried head down to look at him, but Anti just takes his hand in his own and tries to think.

cest-mellow asked: quit being a piss baby, anti! let marvin out!

Anti grits his teeth and spares you one bitter glare before he turns to Trick, touching his cheek for a moment, and despite the pain and chaos in Trick’s head, the bond between them is still strong enough to soothe Anti.

“Look after me,” he requests coolly. “If anyone tries to hurt me, shoot them.”

Eyes wide, Trick nods.

Anti closes his eyes and slips out of the body.

hollenka99 asked: We can't give you the brothers you once knew, the ones Anti stole from you. I am so sorry that that was never in our power. I wish it could be. But there's still Trick and Dok. Dok is closer to Henrik than he has been in a while. Would you rather have him at this moment?

“Here I am,” whispers Henrik, leaning over the edge towards him. “Dapper, are you hallucinating? Can you hear me?”

“So many people yelling at me…”

“Nobody real, my darling,” says Henrik gently. “Just voices.”

“Just voices?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m your doctor, yes? Always tell my patients the truth. Dapper, it’s Henrik. So listen, have you had your medication this week?”

Dapper’s eyes cloud painfully and he bites down on his lip. “I… I don’t know, I’m so lost…”

“Do you trust me to tell you?”

“I… you’re really Henrik?”

“Enough of him,” he answers softly. “A part of him. You haven’t had your medication in more than two weeks, my little brother. That’s not good, is it?”

Dapper shakes his head numbly.

“Pretty ocean…”

“Stay with me, my brother, listen to doctor. You have not had your medication. So you are psychotic, uh-huh? What happens then?”

“I… get bad ideas in my head. And my thoughts jumble and sometimes I can’t move or can’t talk. And I see things that aren’t there. Believe things that aren’t true. Get depressed, feel bad, can’t focus, can’t stay calm. Act crazy. Paranoia.”

“Yeah,” says Dok softly. “So can we agree we are not in the best headspace to be making big decision, ja?”

Dapper whimpers softly, closing his eyes.

“Dapper? Can we agree on that?”

“Yes… but maybe this is my only chance…”

“Okay. Okay. Just stay with me.”

Anonymous asked: Blue, Marvin, are you awake? Do you know what's happening?

He feels like he’s slipping from one reality to another.

A painful darkness cocooned him like a womb, holding him taut in its grip as words and images flickered painfully down to him like dew pressing into his skin. White strings pulled at his wrists and legs and throat, leaving stinging pain across his skin, and what’s worse is the exhaustion, so heavy it makes him want to go back to the darkness, go back to the darkness, go back to the darkness and rest for as long as you can.

But he’s seen parts of today. He’s heard parts of today.

Henrik clutching his necklaces, glowing with a light Marvin suspects Anti cannot see. Trick dissolving against his brother’s body, trying to put the world Anti has broken inside of him back together. Dapper struggling, Dapper hand-cuffed, Dapper crying.

And Red, his Red, his Rojo, his Roser, not the same man he was two weeks ago. Blue can see it in his face. In his movements. In his eyes.

Do you know yourself better now, my brother? Did you come out of the water that was drowning you?

Red catches him in his arms as he stumbles, dropping the cane, and sensation rushes back to Blue so suddenly all he can do is lie against Red’s chest, holding on to a soft blue hoodie, breathing in the smell of him. Henrik is talking somewhere nearby, and a few feet away, Anti has collapsed.

“Blue?” whispers Red. “Azul?”

“Ro,” answers Blue softly, managing a smile for him even as he feels the trembling consume his whole body, leaving him so frail he’s not sure he can stand on his own.

“Oh,” cries Red, touching his hair. “My poor brother. We - we have to talk, but now…”

“Dapper.”

Right now, his brothers need him, and that - that is all that matters.

That is all that has ever mattered.

“What do I do, Blue? You were always so much better at this than me.”

“Help me up,” murmurs Blue. “Help me stand.”

Red pulls him back to his feet. Blue sets his shoes against the earth and closes his eyes.

“Okay,” he says, and he opens blue eyes and looks at you. “I’m ready. Let me talk to him.”

Anonymous asked: Dap just hold on. I know there's not much we can say to help, but please talk to your brothers, okay? They want you to be with them and they need you to be safe.

His feet shift against the dirt. He’s crying in earnest now, hard and steady, swallowed up between his confusion and his despair. He just wants this to be over.

Henrik’s smooth voice and familiar accent continue to fall down at him, murmuring reassurances. He doesn’t want Dok to blame himself for this. Dok is nice to him. Dok has always been good to him. Gentle. Held his hand. Faintly, Dapper recalls the sound of his laughter, the feeling of Henrik running his fingers through his hair, and a warm body laid beside his own on a mattress.

But he’ll only ever be a prisoner if Dapper can’t get free too. And he can’t do that. He can’t. He doesn’t think he can even start to hope.

“Stay with me,” a voice is saying, and it takes Dapper a moment to realize it’s not Henrik. “Hey, star, can you hear me?”

“Are you real?” he signs faintly.

“Yeah, I’m real. They’re right. We want you with us. We need you to be safe. We love you, Dap. Don’t make us lose you, okay? Are you going to at least talk to me?”

Dapper stares out at the water, breathing slowly, eyes wide.

“Dapper.”

“His real name,” offers Ro softly. “Is Jameson.”

“Jameson,” says Blue, gentle, quiet. “Can we talk for just a few minutes before you do anything?”

He manages a stiff nod, hiding in his bear. He wants someone to make some of this make sense.

He doesn’t want to do this. He just needs it to stop. He just needs everything to stop. No more. No more. He didn’t know being alive could hurt this badly. He sobs and someone touches his hair, stroking at his curls, reaching down to him.

“I’m going to come down there with you,” says Blue.

“What?” says Dok and Red together, but Blue is already getting up.

Anonymous asked: Blue, love, be careful okay?

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” protests Ro, alarmed. “Hey, you shouldn’t put yourself in danger too. You’re really, um, kind of weak right now, Zul.”

“I’m not in danger,” says Blue, a little blunted from his long day of numbness, but still clear-headed enough to decide. “Because you’re going to keep me safe.”

He turns to look up at Ro even as he swings over the ledge, turning his back to the cliff, getting ready to slide down towards Dapper.

“Blue,” murmurs Red, nervous.

“You’re strong, Roser,” says Blue, holding out his hands to him. “You won’t let me fall. We’ll pull him back up soon as he’s ready. Right now he could fall even by accident. I need to be down there to hold him.”

“Are you sure? Blue, I… I…”

Blue looks up at him, worried. They don’t have much time for self-doubt.

“I left you behind,” croaks Ro, and his eyes water up and overflow. “I betrayed you.”

Blue reaches out his hands. Ro takes his wrist in shaky fingers.

“Rojo,” he says. “I forgive you.”

Red’s hands tighten around his wrist. His blue eyes, sharp as a bird’s, seem to burn with the sight of his twin. Red holds him tight. Blue knows he will not let them fall.

“There’s my big brother,” he says proudly, trying to find his smile. On shaking legs, he slips slightly down the side of the cliff face, trying to ignore the highway far below, and finds himself beside a shaking, miserable Dapper, close enough to touch him.

hurricael asked: Anti, stop. Get away from him. You're making it worse. Let Henrik help him, I think he's the closest to what Dapper needs.

“No, get me up, get me up, I have to see him,” chokes Anti, gripping at Trick’s shirt.

Trick is more concerned with the blood welling up in Anti’s stomach.

“Anti. Anti. Just rest.”

“My little brother, my little brother,” babbles Anti, running his fingers rapidly through Trick’s green hair as the stab wound in his chest begins to re-open, seeping blood out of him. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you act like you don’t care.”

“No, I do care!” cries Trick, holding him close, his eyes roving desperately between Anti and the edge of the cliff where his brothers are huddled. “I love Dap.”

“You never talk about us, you never come looking for us, you act like we never existed - ”

“Anti, Anti,” soothes Trick frantically, trying to keep pressure on his wound. “Sh, sh. You’re going to scare him worse. Let’s try to keep quiet and let them handle this.”

“I n-need to see him.”

“You have to leave it to them, Anti.”

“You never give me any relief, do you?” sobs Anti, pulling at his clothes. “Jack, please, just stop everything.”

“It’s Trick, Anti. It’s your Trick. Hold still cause you’re losing a lot of blood.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, back off. The best thing you can do for him is to give him space. You don't want him to fall, and we don't either. Let Dok or Trick get him off the edge, okay? Same for you, Red. I know you're worried, but you gotta give him space.

“Yeah, yeah. Just a little space, Anti. They won’t let him get hurt.”

Anti’s eyes roam desperately over his face, trying to make sense of the situation as blood runs out of him. He breathes shakily, letting Trick knock their heads together.

“He could, though,” chokes Anti. “He could. He’s had to reverse Trick killing himself and I couldn’t stop that, I couldn’t, I just had to have Dapper reverse it, if that happens now, I, I - I can’t - ”

“Focus on me, Anti. Focus on me.” Trick works on grounding him, listening close to what Dok and Red and Blue are saying, wishing he could hear Dapper too, just to know he was still there, still okay. His little brother. He wants to help, but this is the most helpful thing he can do right now.

Anonymous asked: No one's going to die, Anti. They're not going to get hurt.

“He can’t,” breathes Anti, nodding his head, and you watch his form begin to shape-shift uncertainly, like he’s trying to find some version of himself that isn’t there. “No one is, yeah, yes.”

He mumbles something in Irish Trick doesn’t understand and closes his eyes.

Anonymous asked: You’re doing great Trick, just keep Anti calm okay? The others are doing okay for now.

“Okay, okay, okay,” pants Trick, stroking his brother’s green - no, blue - no, brown - hair. “Yeah, just please tell me if you - I don’t know, if you need me for something. It’s going to be okay. I know w-what it’s like to be suicidal but he just needs someone to be there for him. To understand. Don’t let my little brother go.”

Anonymous asked: Dapper, what are you doing? Is there a reason for this?

Blue can hear the cars growling down the road far beneath them. The waves are silent and rocking, dark for the most part, with the edges of the waves ashine in scalding beach lights. The birds scatter across the sand. He reaches for Dapper’s hand, but his little brother draws his hand away, closing his eyes tight, working hard to keep breathing steady.

“Dapper,” calls Blue. “Do you know who I am?”

“Brother,” signs an anxious hand before reaching back to brace against the dirt of the cliffside. There’s someone peering up at them from the next level down of the pathway, but in the fading light they can’t be sure they’re seeing bodies, and eventually they keep walking. It’s just Blue and Dap on the side of the hill, side by side above the pavement and the water.

“Yeah, I’m your brother, your sibling. It’s Blue, my starlight. Tell me what’s going on. How clear is your head, scale of one to ten?”

“Three.”

“Do you know that we’re in danger?”

“Yes. Yes. I wanted to… I need to fall down…”

“Tell me what’s going on. Why do you think that? Gotta talk it through with big brother before we make that big of a decision, okay?”

“I can make my own decisions! You don’t know everything that I know!”

“Then talk to me!”

But the downside to discussion in this scenario is that Dapper’s hands have to leave their position against the cliffside and move in front of him. He swallows and leans back against the wall of the cliff, staring at Blue with frightened eyes.

“Let me just hold your collar,” suggests Blue, trying to keep his voice calm. “So we can talk and you won’t fall.”

“You’ll try to stop me!”

“I just want to talk. It’s Blue. I’m not going to hurt you. Can I grab your collar?”

He doesn’t wait for explicit permission - right now is one of the few times in his life Dapper’s consent takes a back burner. Blue reaches out and when his little brother doesn’t jerk back, he snatches the back of his shirt.

“Here I am,” he says, panting at the height, feeling slightly dizzy. Fuck, isn’t one of them scared of heights? “Here I am, love. Please don’t leave me behind. What happened? Why are you doing this?”

Tears flood over in Dapper’s eyes. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, panting through gritted teeth.

“I don’t want to live like this anymore!” his hands cry, his feet shifting on the shaky earth. “Please don’t make me! I deserve to die, I keep hurting everyone around me. I’m just Anti’s weapon and I always will be. Let me go. You have to be able to fight together and I’m never going to be able to do that. Let me go, Blue. You’re supposed to look after me. It will be much nicer to be dead than to be locked up again. I’m so, so tired of living like this. I’m scared all the time. I’m ashamed of the person I am. Don’t you just want this to stop?”

Dapper’s eyes flash up to him, silver and blue and desperate and shining, and he sees, in the face of his brother, a mirror.

“I know what you mean,” croaks Blue, trying to smile at him. “But that doesn’t mean we’re giving up, my heart.”

Dapper whimpers and reaches out to try and touch his brother’s beard. The sand shifts again and Blue gasps, hanging for a moment only by the grip Red has on his left arm before finding his footing again.

cest-mellow asked: jameson, all five of you need to fight together in order to beat anti once and for all. they can’t do this without you, and i don’t think they want to, either.

“We don’t!” calls Ro, gripping tighter to Blue’s wrist, wishing he could grab Dapper too. “Dap, I know I haven’t always been the best brother to you. You have to give me a chance to change that. Dapper, JJ, I love you. I lost Max today. Don’t make me lose you too.”

“This isn’t your fault,” signs Dapper desperately. “Please don’t think that. I love you too but I can’t do this anymore!”

“Carver, you’ve been fighting longer than any of us.” Henrik is leaning halfway off the ledge himself, trying to find a way to get down there with him. “I just need you to hold on just a little longer. Just a little longer. My brother, for the first time in months I see light on the horizon. But I don’t want any future that doesn’t have my little brother with me. So rarely I get to see you, and yet whenever I do I know you are like a piece of me.”

“No more talking,” cries Dapper. “Please just let me go. I don’t want you to talk me out of this.”

Anonymous asked: Dapper, is it okay if you and Blue go back up to the ledge with Red and Dok? I'm worried that you both might slip and fall

“No, no.” Dapper wipes rapidly at his tear-streaked face. “No, Blue should go back up. I need to go.”

For a second his whole body jerks forward. Blue screams and grabs him back, barely keeping him from falling.

“Something’s touching me,” complains Dapper frantically. “Something is coming to hurt me!”

“You’re not on medication, please don’t do anything until your head is clearer, Dap!”

“I remember things I want to forget! Blue, I want to stop hurting people! I want to stop, I want to stop!”

“Who’s hurt?” protests Blue, shifting his grip lower on his shirt. “Who got hurt today?”

Dapper chokes and shakes his head, wiping at his face.

“Dapper, people are alive because of you, my darling. In Singapore, I know that was you… the cameras all knew what to tell us to do before we’d even got in the house. An innocent man lived because of you, my brother, and a nice girl too, a girl who was kind to Trick and I.”

“Max is alive because of you,” croaks Ro.

“You just don’t remember how horrible the things I’ve done in the past are,” cries Dapper.

“It doesn’t matter,” soothes Blue. “It doesn’t matter. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all done things we should never have done. You are still my family and I still know that your heart is good. Don’t you believe in forgiveness, Dapper?”

“Anti won’t even let me go to confession! I’m scared to go to h-hell.”

“I promise, you come back up on this ledge and I’ll make sure you get to go back to church, okay? Maybe not soon, but someday.”

spicydanhowell asked: do you think maybe... you guys should just pull him up? get some water and talk where it's safe?

“Blue can’t grab him like this, he’s only got one hand,” mumbles Ro. “He can maybe snatch him around the waist but I’m not sure if he’ll be able to hold him. He’s not very strong right now. But yes, absolutely if he gets the chance he should just grab him. Negotiation we can work on later - what’s most important is getting him safe.”

Anonymous asked: Keep yourselves honest, boys, and speak from the heart. Reach down and find all the love and humanity that's yours and show it to Jameson. He needs it.

“Hey, bruder?” croaks Henrik, reaching gently for him, managing to touch his hair. Dapper closes his eyes and lets him stroke his dirty, tired curls. “Hey, listen. I’ve been living a long time just hoping to keep myself and Trick alive. He’s the only thing I’ve lived for. But these last few weeks, I had time to be myself, time to think about my life and about other things. And I was free, for the first time in a long time. Not everything is fixed yet. But this time, just being free for a little white - I feel awakened again. I don’t want to die, Dapper. I don’t even want to live just for Trick’s sake. You have to give yourself a chance to be free for a little while before you decide this life has nothing worth surviving for left in it, my friend.”

“Dok,” whimpers Dapper. “I’m never getting free.”

“Don’t believe that,” he answers. “You are strong, my little brother, stronger than anyone I know, I think. I know, I know. You’ve been struggling and struggling. But you are not alone. I’m here, Dapper, and I’m tired too. I want to fight.”

Dapper’s eyes flicker and he turns his head up to look at him.

“To… you do?”

“Yeah,” whispers Henrik, nodding, his eyes shining.

“But… no, Dok, you’re good for Anti. You’re like me, we just have to endure it, we have to make the best. We know we’re never getting away.”

Dok shakes his head, biting down on his lip.

“I,” he begins, feeling frail and strong all at the same time. “I’m giving that up. I’m giving that hopelessness up. It’s kept me safe. But you know something, Dapper? It’s not enough. I want something else. I think, in secret, you want something else too. You’re courageous, Dapper, I know you are. Can you wager your heart one more time, and try to hope for something?”

Dapper stares out at the ocean, breathing shakily.

Anonymous asked: Dap, Anti made you do those things. Maybe not all of them directly, but had he not caught you i highly doubt you would have done them. You were someone who wouldn't do them before Anti. Your brothers are trying to get free of Anti, and they have a fighting chance. And they don't want to do it without you. You can't be blamed for what Anti made you do, and you deserve a chance to become someone who doesn't need to do things like that. You deserve a chance to heal, Dapper.

“Dok’s right,” calls Ro. “And they are too. Dap, none of us want to lose you. You don’t have to feel alone anymore.”

“You don’t want to fight.” Dapper shakes his head, tears sliding down his cheeks. Blue sidles slightly forward and manages to clutch his shoulders. “I see Anti in you all over again. Everything, this whole time we’ve had together, gone just like that. And I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t get you to England with somebody who loved you. You’re just Anti’s again.”

“I do still love Anti,” chokes Ro. “And you know what? I think you do too. But that doesn’t stop you from wanting something more than what he offers. That’s why you’re here, huh, buddy? I understand. Not everything is gone, Dapper. You… you saved Max for me. Even though it made you sick.”

“How do you even still remember him?”

“You told me to offer loyalty for Max,” says Ro, smiling wearily. “So I did.”

“Anti… Anti will strip him from your head soon enough. And me too, I bet. Or at least the parts of me he doesn’t want you to know about.”

“No,” answers Red, closing his eyes. “No. Even if I forgot… I won’t let go of this anymore - this knowing that there are better things in the world. This knowing that I love you, and that I have to protect you. Dapper, I’ve screwed up a couple times and I’m sorry, so, so sorry. But I have never - I have never stopped loving you.”

And Dapper remembers food smuggled to him from under his door and shouts from downstairs when he fainted, Christmas presents and arguments with Anti over his medication, even at the risk of Red’s own health. He closes his eyes, trying to breathe.

“And I don’t think you ever stopped loving me either. Some things don’t go away, Dapper. They just don’t.”

Cleaning the blood from his face. Sketches of a brother who felt a million miles away. A timeline where Jackie was happy, eating Starbursts in a house surrounded by big, beautiful trees.

“So don’t break my heart, bud. Please come up here. I swear to you I will always be your fighter. I will always be on your side. You are everything to me.”

Anonymous asked: I think Blue understands Jamie better than anyone right now.

“Listen, Dap.” Blue tries to scoot closer to him, but his little brother flinches and he draws back again, breathing nervously through his nose for a moment. “I… I thought about ending it, in that hospital with Anti looming over me and Trick losing himself while I watched. It felt hopeless. Actually, it kind of still does.”

“Oh, no, my Blue.” Immediately Dap’s fear seems to be replaced with concern, and Blue gives a shaky laugh as his little brother ends up being the one to scoot closer, reaching out to touch Blue’s cheek. “No, no, no, big brother.”

“Well, why do I not get to die, but you do?”

“I’m being selfish. I know that. I’m tired…”

“It’s not selfish, you’re just sick,” whispers Blue, reaching out to pull him slightly closer. “I am too. Dapper, the situation we’re in? It really, really fucking sucks, love.”

Dapper giggles weakly, his reddened eyes fixed on Blue.

“Yeah. It does.”

“Like, it sucks so much fucking dick, Dap. It’s the pits, it sucks. I know. And I wish it could just be done, but it can’t. Not yet. We gotta keep going.”

“Why, though, Blue? I don’t think I have the strength to keep fighting for something I don’t believe will ever happen.”

“Here’s something you can believe,” answers Blue softly, stepping forward, into his space. “I love you. Do you love me?”

Dapper cries quietly, touching his beard again. His eyes clear slightly as he looks at him.

“Yes, Blue,” he signs, clear and certain. “I love you.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” whispers Blue. “Stick around for me for just a little while longer, and I’ll stick around for you.”

“How… how much longer?”

“Let’s say a month,” says Blue, reaching out to wrap an arm around his waist. He smells coconut shampoo and the dry dirt of Peru and Dapper’s soft pertrichor scent. “A month, and then we’ll talk about dying, okay?”

It’s a lie. Blue would never encourage him to suicide. But Dapper needs firm ground to stand on in more ways than one right now. When he’s on medication, they can really talk. When he’s safe and not bleeding and isn’t rambling about having killed Trick within the past twenty-four hours, then they can really talk.

“You have to keep living for us,” murmurs Blue. “And one day start living for yourself again. Cause right now, none of us can lose you, Dapper. You gotta help me, baby. I’m sick right now. Not strong enough to survive losing you.”

“Love you,” swears Dapper, stroking his beard. “Don’t want you to die… but I… I don’t know… I’m scared.”

bupine asked: we've seen your brothers become the men they once were. i know they like to say they're dead and gone, but we've seen it ourselves. we've seen red become jackie when he's around max, seen blue become marvin when he recites poetry, and we've seen henrik reclaim his name entirely in the past week or so. you can be jameson jackson again, or even an entirely new man, if you like. you don't have to be who anti makes you. we'll always be here to remind you of who you are, if you think you dont know.

“Do you feel any calmer?” murmurs Blue, managing to hold him pretty close now. “You look so exhausted.”

“I might just fall asleep,” admit Dapper’s hands. “But yes, I… I feel calmer, much calmer, actually.”

He was really freaking out for a moment. Dok was right. He shouldn’t be making decisions while he’s that scared. But even now, there’s a deep void calling hungrily to him. He knows Blue is making good points! Everyone is! Logically, he should be able to clamber back up and start the road to recovery or whatever the fuck.

But it doesn’t feel like safety, in his brother’s arms. It just feels like getting ready for another fight.

“Can you reach out for Ro to pull you up?” asks Blue.

“No.” Dapper shakes his head quickly, ready to yank himself away. “No!”

“Okay, okay,” he whispers, trying to regain his shaky hold on him. “Okay, sh, sh. Can we listen to the cameras for a minute? That’s nice, right? You like the cameras. Aren’t they nice to us?”

“Yes,” admits Dapper shakily. “I like the cameras. Except the person who said, Anti, Dapper has a bird! And the one who said, Trick and Dok, Dapper keeps secrets from Anti.”

Blue manages to laugh, pressing their heads together. “A time traveler never forgets, huh?”

“And he never forgives,” vows Dapper, and he feels a little lighter when Blue laughs again.

“Dapper, listen to them. You can’t blame yourself for things like what you’ve done, not with the way Anti’s treated you your whole life.”

“I killed people you loved,” protests Dapper. “I watched Anti kill your… your cats, Blue, I…”

“Oh, baby,” murmurs Blue, his eyes watering. “Oh, baby. So much weight you gotta carry.” “Everyone else forgets,” mourns Dapper, closing his eyes. “But never me.”

“I love you no matter what you did, darling, I do.”

Anonymous asked: Marvin, maybe some information will help you out since you must be confused too: he's reversed several times already to keep Jackie's fiance from bring killed. He's safe now, but on the last reverse he killed Trick in order to go back and correct things again. He's muddled in timelines and riddled in guilt. It's years upon years of trauma, he even sent Jackie back a few years to get an idea of how powerful and out of it he's been the past couple weeks.

“What?” Blue stares at the camera, eyes wide. “Red’s fi - ”

His eyes dart up to Blue. Ro chokes on a sob and shrugs, trying to smile.

“Tell you all about him later,” he rasps.

“And you really did have to kill Trick, my heart? And - wait, a few years?”

Dapper all but leaps against his chest, terror striking across his face like the scar of a knife. He shakes his hands wildly, putting a finger to his lips, shaking his head, shaking his head, shaking his head -

“Okay, okay!” soothes Blue quickly, and in his gentle hug to wrap him close to his chest, he’s got him, he’s got him, he’s secure in his grasp. “Okay, I see, it’s a secret, it’s a secret. No one needs to know about a few years of time travel, huh? Okay, starling, it’s okay.”

Dapper shivers against his chest and buries his face in his shoulder. Blue looks up at Ro again. There is a silent, taut exchange between them. Ro nods, sharp and sure. Blue grips Dapper’s waist.

Anonymous asked: HANG IN THERE MARVIN!!! STAY STRONG!!!!

Blue lets go of Ro’s hand for just a moment, pushes his body back against the most stable outcropping to be found, and heaves himself up towards Ro. Dapper gasps, writhing to get out of his grip, but then Henrik and Ro are both grabbing him and Blue both. Ro’s strong hands snag his arm and wrap beneath his shoulder and he is heaved bodily back onto the pathway. Blue cries out for a moment of terror as his feet struggle to stay grounded, but Dok is there keeping him pinned against the face of the cliff until Ro is able to turn back and grab him too. Blue collapses against the concrete, groaning as his body seems to melt like a candle, all his strength leaving him and a wave of dizziness drowning his terror out.

“We got you,” he hears Ro swear, watching through his exhaustion as he turns to pin a struggling Dapper to his chest. “We got you, bud. I know, I know. I’m here.”

Anonymous asked: Red, you and Blue seem to have a plan? What do you intend to do?

“We got him, we got him,” Blue reassures himself, his eyes fluttering. He wonders if he’ll just pass out and spare himself the pain of whatever the rest of the evening will hold. “Ro - Ro, his little knife…”

Being pulled so suddenly up has terrified Dapper all over again and he’s panicking and thrashing against Red’s chest, sobbing and trying to get back over the ledge, but Red won’t let him go again. They both go scrambling for his knife at the same time, but Red is strong and determined while Dapper is trembling and sobbing, and he yanks the blade away from his little brother’s hands before he can do anything. Dapper makes a noise that always turns Ro’s blood cold and makes him shiver - the closest thing he can give to a real groan, sucking in air so hard it’s like he’s screaming.

“My knife, mine! My Christmas knife!”

“Dok, do you have anything to - ”

“I don’t have any medicine with me, I’m sorry. We just need to calm him down the best we can on our own.”

“Is he okay?” calls Trick, and Dok turns to smile shakily at his twin.

“It’s going to be okay now, Trick. Oh, goodness.”

Anti is more of an outline than a real form now, a flickering silhouette laid across Trick’s blood-stained lap.

Doktor hates that his first instinct is to help him. Fuck.

“Help with your brother,” Dok tells Trick, moving to Anti’s side and kneeling. “I will hold the wound closed.”

Anonymous asked: Jameson you're so much more than what you seem. You lose clarity now and then, you slip into roles you don't like and your conscience weighs heavily on you. But you're kind and funny, you have your own hard-headed opinions, your incredibly introspective and many of the times I've spoken to you, for better or worse you've always managed to show me a side of you I'd never seen before or presented an ideology I've never thought about. There's a path and future ahead of you, please take it

“Yeah, yeah,” breathes Red against his sobbing brother’s head. “They’re right, ha, you… you are like that, always thinking about shit that would probably go right over most people’s heads. You are funny, too, do you know that? I never expect it but then you really make me laugh. Opinionated, that’s why you and Dok seem to get along so well if you ask me. And you are kind… I don’t know how anyone could… could be forced to do some of the things you’ve done and still come out of the other side loving and caring and risking your heart for other people.”

Dapper’s head falls back against his shoulder as he cries.

“You can find yourself again, Dap. You can be a new person, one you’re not ashamed of. And I know I’ll like that person. I like you. I know how often you get lost. We just want to help you get found again, JJ.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dapper, Jameson, honey, they love you. They all love you so much. Hang in there, okay?

Trick races to Ro’s side to kneel down with him and Dapper, reaching forward to take his little brother’s grey, terrified face into his hands.

“We do love you, we do,” he promises, putting Dapper’s hand to his chest. “Here I am. Here I am. I understand, man, I do. I do. But it’s going to get better soon. I swear. Okay? Just need you to hold on for us. You’re going to be glad they snatched you up some day, okay? I know.”

Dapper quiets slightly, whimpering, pressing his fingers to Trick’s chest. There, his heartbeat. His unpierced skin and living pulse. He’s not dead. He’s here. Dapper shivers and closes his eyes.

Anonymous asked: JJ you can't keep shouldering all this guilt. Your may not agree right now, but you deserve forgiveness from yourself. It won't come all at once but you can see least give yourself another chance right? Don't settle with Anti and the role he's given you. Settle with yourself and whoever you become from here.

“Everything came crashing down on you today,” murmurs Ro, rubbing his back. “Yeah?”

“Yeah… yeah. I usually remember bits and pieces, or I feel bad about just a couple things, or I at least know that Anti will make the bad feelings go away, but today - and I got so, so confused, Red, I didn’t know what to do… I just… please… make this all stop.”

“I can’t give you everything you need right now,” confesses Red. “But I can keep you safe and healthy. And soon, your medicine will kick in, and honestly just that will make this all a hundred times better, right?”

“That… that does help. I’m really twitching, Red.”

“You are.” Ro strokes his jumping jaw. “Does a number on your head, right?”

“Yes. Yes.”

“Can you promise not to try anything dangerous until we’ve got your episodes under control?”

Dapper sniffs and rubs his eyes, turning back to the cliffside for a moment.

He should be glad he’s safe, but there’s little relief to it. He’s gotta keep going. He’s gotta keep fighting. And the truth is, that as much as Blue is right, that this sucks, it sucks ass - the times he’s had before this one were even worse, and he’s had to survive, survive, survive them all, survive things still a hundred times worse than what you’ve been with him for.

But maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

He’s so fucking tired.

But he’s not alone. He’s not alone like he was back then. And he has more to lose, now that he can see the old souls of these ghosts growing stronger and stronger - but that’s also more to fight for.

And Dok is right. Dok was right. He shouldn’t be making decisions while he’s psychotic and sick and he’s just had a day this horrible. He needs sleep and food and medicine. He needs to let his mind settle and his body rest. He needs a hug.

“Okay,” knock his exhausted hands. “Okay, Red.”

The ocean shines its lovely light at him one more time, the whole of the water swimming with sirens.

Then Trick is there, babbling his relief and his joy and his love, engulfing Dapper in a hug so tight even Red gets squished, and Trick’s shoulder soaks with salt water, and Dapper is warm and safe and loved between them. His brothers. His family. He can hear their heartbeats.

bupine asked: dap, listen to us. none of you deserve to die. you've been abused your whole life, and the constant abuse of both your mind and body is absolutely going to take a toll on you. but i can guarantee it's not always like this. people can recover from things like this, even you. i know you might find it so hard to believe that, and i'm so sorry that it's been put in your head that you can't. but you are human and this isn't your fault. you've always just been trying to survive, like any human would.

Red and Trick are twin reassurances in his ears.

“You’ve been through too much. It wasn’t your fault. I know how hard you must have fought. My fierce little brother.”

“There’s my Dap, I’m so fucking glad you’re okay. Fuck, man, I know it seems impossible right now, but you gotta trust me. I’ve been there and things will get better. I promise, I promise.”

“I’m sorry this happened at all. I’m sorry you had to fight at all. Forgive me for all the times I didn’t protect you. I will. I swear. I’ll always protect you, with my life.”

“You’re just human, Dap. We’ve all fucked up. Dap, I’ve done horrible things. You don’t hold it against me, do you? You have to see yourself that same way. We just gotta try to keep being better people.”

“You’re a survivor. You had to be. I love you.”

“You were so tough today, you were so strong. I’m so proud of you. I love you, Dap. I love you.”

Anonymous asked: Blue, you doing alright?

“Alright might not be my word of choice,” mumbles Blue, managing to draw himself sitting up. His face is as white as his hair and despite the slight humor of his words, he can’t muster any matching amusement for his voice. He stares blankly at the ground and for a second you think he’s fainted, but he bites down on his lip and draws himself a little straighter.

“Can you tell me where my cane is?” he coughs, his hands patting along the ground. “I can see mostly okay in the daytime, but the sun’s setting over the ocean.”

She is. In orange and red and pink and yellow, glowing over the cold, endless water. She’s going down. The day is ending.

“I’ll help,” calls Dok before you can answer. “Here I come, Blue.”

He finishes a skillfully tied bandaid made of a strip of his coat, pausing to check that it’s as secure as it can be around Anti’s somewhat tangible, somewhat intangible form. He sees Anti’s eyes - brown now, brown and soft and reddened - look up at him from a deep exhaustion.

“Going to… have to put you back in your place,” mumbles Anti. “You… you… Dok, my Dok… traitor.”

Dok stares down at him.

How pitiful he seems.

“I know you’re just saying that because you’re scared,” he answers wearily. “You lost control and you need it back. So you can hurt me if you want. I won’t go, Anti. I’ll be here with my family. Don’t die, little brother. I am not yet ready to lose you.”

Anti groans and reaches up to touch him. His fingers drift down Henrik’s soft hair.

“When did you find your courage?” he repeats, in a voice very small, and in his eyes Henrik recalls the words Emmanuela spoke to him: Moment to moment, perhaps he truly loved you.

But for the most part, you were only a pawn.

Henrik knows - yes, Henrik knows, and he always will - that Anti is a monster. But he is Henrik’s monster, and he has been for months, for months, for months and Henrik loved him no matter what he did. He was good for him. He was. Even on the days Anti was cruelest, Henrik looked him in the eyes and told him what he thought he needed to hear. The thought of turning against him is a bitter poison, but Henrik will take it. Henrik has chosen to take it.

Just not tonight. Not tonight. Tonight, they all just need rest and safety.

Henrik sighs and leans down to kiss Anti gently on the cheek. Anti shivers and his fingers curl around his hair.

“Try to stop being terrible for five minutes and lie still,” he advises. He gets up and hurries to Blue’s side, bringing his cane with him.

Anonymous asked: Trick, how are you doing? I remember you being upset or something but I can't remember if that was last time or this one

Trick bites down hard on his lip and shakes his head at you quickly, putting a hand to his head for a second and trying to breathe. Red looks up at him and nudges his knee, worried.

“Yes, I’m - I’m pretty shaken up,” he admits. “When I saw Dok it was like a dam broke, and now there’s all this shit in my head that I know doesn’t make sense, but it still… feels true? But it’s not? And I have memories in fragments - but listen, I think Dap’s going through the same thing, but even worse, huh? So we can focus on him. I want to focus on you to distract me, okay? We’ll keep each other put together.”

He clings to Dap’s hand, tears dripping down his cheeks. The thought of Xin Yi, shattered into pieces as it is, haunts him. He doesn’t know what he would do if Anti had made him kill her. Anti really did make him a crueler person. Is that what he does? Blocks everything out?

He shakes his head and squeezes Dapper’s hand tighter. When it’s just him and Dok and everyone is okay, he’ll be able to work on processing some of this. Not now.

Anonymous asked: It’s okay to be scared Dap, but you’re not alone anymore. Sometimes when we get tired of pulling our own weight be have to trust others to lift us back up and help carry us forward. Right now you can put that trust in Blue and the rest of your brothers, okay?

“I am tired,” he admits, rubbing at his face, slumped back against Red’s chest. “I am tired. I am. I can’t hold myself up right now.”

“I’ll hold you up,” swears Red, hugging him to his chest. “All of us will. No matter what happens. No matter what you’ve done.”

“Yes, without question,” promises Trick. “That’s what a family is, Dap. We’ve all kept each other floating before.”

“It’s a shaky little lifeboat,” agrees Henrik, coming to kneel down with them, bringing Blue with him. “But it’s ours and we’re going to help each other keep going til we find land.”

“Early in the day it was whispered that we should sail in a boat,” whispers Blue, leaning in to kiss Dapper’s soft hair. Tagore-Thakur, the culturalist, the quiet fighter. “Free as waves, free from all bondage of words. Is the time not come yet? Are there works still left to do? Lo, the evening has come down upon the shore and in the fading light the seabirds come flying to their nests. Who knows when the chains will be off, and the boat, like the last glimmer of sunset, vanish into the night?”

Dapper opens his eyes to hear his poetry, his brothers all close around him, and he sees the soft light of the sun drifting away.

She comes back in the morning though.

A new day is coming for them. Dapper holds onto his brothers, his heart quieting in his aching chest, brushing the last of tonight’s tears way.

Anonymous asked: Okay, got it Trick. Dap, how are you doing?

“Been better,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

“Just rest,” murmurs Dok. “Soon, it won’t be so painful.”

“Swear to me?”

“On my life. On my life.”

“No, not on that,” pleads Dapper. “Not on that.”

Dok smiles softly at him. Looks up at the rest of his brothers.

“I promise,” he says. “I swear. Soon, it won’t be so painful. A little time. That’s all I need.”

“One more time,” answers Ro distantly, almost too deep under Anti’s influence to understand what the words mean - but not quite. “One more time. Can we do this one more time? Fight one more time? Survive one more time?”

“For you,” answers Blue, meeting his gaze.

“For all of you,” agrees Trick, entangling his hand with Dok’s.

bupine asked: you're doing amazing, jameson. you've definitely made the right choice, and we'll make sure you don't regret it.

Dapper closes his eyes.

A hundred thoughts in his head. A hundred waves of discord. A hundred aches, a hundred sins, a hundred confusions, and a handful of brothers.

A couple voices from small, familiar cameras, too. You’re sitting somewhere in the middle of them, strewn across someone’s lap, white fingers holding you so you do not fall.

“You did make the right choice,” murmurs Trick. “Dapper. I love you.”

“Yeah,” mumbles Dok, slumping slightly down onto his twin’s shoulder. “I love you too.”

“Don’t leave me out of that, I love you all way better than you love each other,” adds Red.

“Oh, fuck you, Roser, loving you all is my job. I love all of you.”

“But I think we can agree that littlest brother is supposed to be everybody’s most loved, right?” offers Dapper, and he hears their laughter around them, hooking his exhausted arms around Blue and Red, pulling them close to him. “I love you.”

The air flickers slightly and they turn to see Anti pulling himself to his feet, staring at them with something haunted in his eyes.

They fall silent, holding each other on the pathway, the pathway to the cliff that rises like a monument before them, entangled in each other despite the fact that all of them find themselves disagreeing about how exactly Anti does or does not fit into their family. Trick still loves him. Ro is a loyalist with doubts. Dapper is two halves, torn. Dok, with every moment, prepares himself for a fight. And Blue, for his part, would sell him to Satan for a packet of crisps and a spare lemon grater.

Anti hears himself laugh.

He lost all control tonight.

“Get up,” he tells them, his voice rough and weary. “Red. I need a body.”

“No,” cries Blue, but he doesn’t have the strength to stand. Ro touches his shoulder to tell him it’s alright and rises to his feet, smiling sadly at Anti.

“Let’s go, then.” He holds out his arms and Anti does not hesitate. Trick rises to catch their body before they can crash to the earth. Anti’s eyes flicker open.

Red obeyed him and the body slakes his weakness and pain. A little more control. A little back.

He’ll get it all back, soon enough.

He’s tired of games. He’s tired of giving them chances. Something is broken in his system. Something is broken in the way he treats them.

Things have to change.

“Can you walk?” he asks, turning to Blue and Dapper. Blue’s glare burns holes into the ground. Dapper looks up at him with something despairing returning to his face. “Well?”

“No,” croaks Blue, gritting his teeth hatefully.

“Dapper?”

“Maybe,” answers his youngest, managing to rise. “So tired, Anti.”

“Come here, baby.”

“No,” Dok cuts him off, rising beside him. “No. Tonight you let us look after him.”

Anti sees a fight in his eyes and knows he doesn’t have the standing to oppose him. He backs off, eyes burning, and Dapper hides against Dok’s chest, his brother’s arm wrapping around him, his fingers plucking the ravens on his breast.

Anti throws a knife. Dok shrieks as it tears through the side of his neck, sending a stream of blood down his throat, though it doesn’t cut anything important.

“Anti!” screams Blue. “Leave him alone!”

“That’s the first of a great deal of blood you’ll spill for those birds you’re wearing,” hisses Anti. “I don’t need mind control to snap you back into pieces, stupid boy. You’ll pay for every moment of rebellion you’ve given me tonight.”

“Make me pay, then,” laughs Henrik, wrapping his hands around the wound on his throat, his eyes burning with tears and with fury. “Because guess what, Anti? This is the start of a fucking war, even if you don’t want to admit it. And it won’t be long now.”

“Before what?”

And Henrik, Henrik the doctor, Henrik who fixes hearts - Henrik steps right into his space and looks into his eyes.

“Before I’m ready to kill you, little brother,” he answers. “For everything you have done to my family.”

Anti feels his blood burn as he hears Blue’s words echo in his little brother’s. He turns his eyes to the broken magician himself and, simmering in eyes a little too blue to be human, he sees a great and endless hatred.

I will kill you for what you have done to my family.

Anti leans back, turning his eyes back to Henrik, gesturing for Trick to come to his side. The gunman answers immediately, darting forward to hold his hand, though his terrified eyes are fixed on his bleeding twin.

“Well, then,” says Anti, his hand gripped in Trick’s, wearing Red’s body like an outfit. He throws the blue hoodie off his shoulders and leaves it lying in the dust, turning his back to Blue and Dok.

“To war.”

Anonymous asked: Henrik, I was planning on telling Trick a big truth thing that might shake him up more, but when he was a bit more stable and stuff. You would want me to not to that now, right? Or should I tell him anyway?

“Oh, I don’t know,” murmurs Henrik, holding you in his pocket as they get up and begin to walk. He’s supporting Blue on his arm and trying to watch Dapper at the same time. “If you have something to say, be quick, you know Anti always seems to turn you off when we’re moving around, to keep you in the dark. It may be some time before we see each other again, my friends.

“I would say, though - Trick knows many truths, but still he is loyal to Anti. If you have something powerful, you might save it for a day when he is truly shaken, and we need him with us more than ever. Or leave him to chew on it for now. It’s your call.”

Anonymous asked: Oh no, please hen can you grab that blue hoodie? Max got it for Ro and I think he’d really appreciate still having it.

Henrik obeys, leaning down to pick it up, lovingly brushing the pale dirt from its soft back. Blue tries to stay awake, listing against him as he rises, and Dok wraps it gently around his shoulders, letting him breathe in the smell of the twin he has not had the chance to speak with for weeks now.

“Thank you,” murmurs Blue.

“Yes,” answers Dok quietly.

cest-mellow asked: henrik, we’re all here for you in this fight. we just have to get trick and maybe a little bit of red on our side and you guys can get out of this for good. antis gonna pay for everything hes done and he’ll deserve it.

Henrik smiles, but even grim does not describe the way it curves - grief and fear and hurt all war together in the slant of his pale lips. He wants to agree with you, to rally himself and his allies, to be strong - but he knows what all of this will mean for himself and the others, and, in the end, all he can do is take as much comfort as he can in your words and hold tighter to Blue beside him. His older brother’s head presses against his own.

“You’re yourself,” whispers Blue.

“Enough of myself,” Henrik whispers back, turning to give him that same mourner’s smile.

“I’m with you,” says Blue, and these words seem to matter more than the light of the sun. His trembling hands close around Henrik’s. “I’m with you, my courage.”

Reunited at last, arm in arm, they exchange one last look, and follow their family into the night.

------------

Trick steps slowly through the aisles, feet padding on the mundane blue carpeting beneath his shoes as he makes his way back to his seat. He passes quietly by Blue and Dok with Dapper in between them. His twin looks up at him for a moment and Trick lets his fingers brush across Dok’s, though he does not disturb him - all three of them are curled in on each other, deep asleep, bandaged and cleaned of blood.

Trick sits down beside Anti, and for a long moment there’s just you and him and the view of the black night sky outside the little oval window. Eventually a jolt of turbulence jostles Anti and he shifts, rubbing at his eyes, interrupted from a light, anxious sleep, dreaming of Emmanuela’s burning light and despairing blue eyes and the body of an animal trapping him within its writhing musculature and stiff snapping bones.

“You okay?” whispers Trick.

“Mmh,” mumbles Anti, shaking the sleep off of Red’s body, rubbing at his eyes.

“Need anything?”

“If the stewardess comes by get me orange soda,” mumbles Anti. “He hates other fizzy drinks and this brain flips out about bad sensations.”

“I can’t believe you know that,” chuckles Trick, lying his head down against Anti’s shoulder.

The black night sky and the dark ocean below them.

“Where are we going?” asks Trick.

“Somewhere nice,” sighs Anti. “For Dap to recover. And maybe… there’s someone who might help me there.”

“Okay, Anti.”

He doesn’t need specifics. He trusts him.

Anti strokes Trick’s hair until he is half-asleep against him, nuzzled into Red’s shirt.

“Trick?” murmurs Anti.

“Anti,” he mumbles back.

“You’re on my side, aren’t you?”

Trick looks up at him, his chest aching. He doesn’t want there to have to be sides in his family - just Blue and Anti fighting was bad enough. But he understands.

“Yes,” he says, hiding against his shoulder. “Of course. I’m on your side, Anti.”

Come to think of it, was it really Blue and Anti fighting? It wasn’t… a disagreement, now that he thinks about it. Didn’t Anti hit Blue? Was that Anti? Can it have been?

“Trick,” says Anti. “Those magicians really got into Dok’s head.”

His poor twin. His poor confused twin. Trick sniffles and nods.

“And Blue is still… hurting.”

“Yeah,” mourns Trick.

“I’m going to put everyone back in their places,” promises Anti, curling his fingers through his hair. “But Trick, sometimes I might seem cruel. I might seem mean to them. I might seem like a little fucking tyrant. But I just want to keep our family together. You know that, right?”

Trick looks up at him.

Memories flicker back to him, all of them shaky and shattered, all of them painful. Blue’s nose purples with bruising, his breaths shallow as he sleeps at Trick’s side. Trick sits in a soft, small bed and listens through the door of the room for any word from Dok on the other side of the house. He swallows too many painkillers. His head connects with the floor of the kitchen and his cheek stings.

He… he knows.

But he doesn’t understand.

Not anymore. Not right now.

Dok’s face awakened something he’s been trying to forget.

“Yes,” he says, because he loves Anti, and he doesn’t want cruel things to be true. “Yes, I know.”

He manages a smile for him. The relief in Anti’s flickering eyes is worth anything. Trick settles back down on his shoulder, contented, breathing in the smell of him. Red’s body and Blue’s magic and Anti, Anti, Anti.

“Going to take you somewhere nice,” murmurs Anti.

“Okay,” says Trick, listening to his heartbeat and trying to soothe his own. “Okay.”

He just has to trust Anti. He just has to trust Anti and everything will be alright.

Right?

Anti falls asleep beside him. The stewardess comes by. Trick asks for an orange soda - an orange soda and a rum and coke. He does not sleep.

“Oh,” he says after a couple minutes, laughing at himself. “I forgot about the camera on my jacket, haha.”

He turns you off.

End Section Twelve of Chapter Three: Is the Time Not Come Yet?

End Chapter Three: Remembered Things

[babsxkean]

wanna be adored

beauty queen on a silver screen, living life like i’m in a dream. i know that i’ve got a big ego, i really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though. and i’m sad to the core, core, core (yeah!). every day is a chore, chore, chore (wow!). when you give, i want more, more, more. i wanna be adored. 

who: barbara kean, mentions of jim gordon, barbara gordon, peter gordon & lee thompkins ( @jimbo-gordon / @barbaraxxgordons / @leethompkiins )

what: in the midst of the blackout, barbara gets an interesting missive. 

when: april 10th

where: the kean house 

She has always yearned to feel chosen. To feel special. To feel like she matters.

For as long as she can remember, Babs has felt imminently replaceable. Her parents made it abundantly clear that she meant nothing to them, apart from as a trophy -- their pretty daughter, with her excellent grades, her place at the peak of the social hierarchy, her spotless reputation. Then she ruined that image by getting pregnant at 16, and the public facade had disappeared. She’d lost even that facsimile of affection. 

Nearly her entire relationship with Jim had been haunted by the question of how much he really loved her. At first, she’d been caught up in the rosy flush of first love. She hadn’t doubted him or his feelings for her. And she hadn’t doubted that he would stand by her when she found out about the baby. 

But her mother had planted that seed of agonizing uncertainty. Or maybe Elizabeth had simply nourished what she knew was already there. 

“He’s only staying with you for little Barbara. You’re his responsibility, that’s all.”

Babs had been almost successful at shutting her out. Almost, but not quite. Whenever Jim missed a date night, whenever he was late coming home, there had been that whisper in the back of her mind. Asking her: if Jim was so happy, if he truly loved her, why did he find it so easy to become buried in his work? Had he only asked her to marry him because they already shared a child? Was he simply doing his duty, like the soldier he had always been?

Was there someone else? 

She couldn’t help but linger on that particular question every time he looked at Lee. If they didn’t have their daughter, would Jim have chosen Lee? Married her instead? Lee was noble and kind and compassionate. She was everything that Babs was not. She was more like Jim. Babs wondered more than once if she had robbed Jim of a lifetime with his real soulmate. 

When they’d found their way back to each other after their separation, she had been jubilant. Thinking she had proved Elizabeth wrong. And yet the doubts had come creeping back in. Rearing their ugly heads every now and then, sometimes with fangs that tore her apart.

Now, of course, it seems like her mother was right. If her husband had ever really loved her at all, that was long gone. It had likely been replaced by obligation a long time ago. She can’t reconcile the idea that a man who loved her, really loved her, would see the way she was falling apart and still stay away. He really seemed to think it was better to  attempt -- and fail, of course -- to hide how broken he was, rather than come back home. Where they could put themselves back together in a safe place they created for each other. She had suspected for a long time that she loved him more than he loved her, and in a way, she was right. 

Of course, that doesn’t prevent her from loving him still, but who has to know that? 

Even with Barbara, her beautiful firstborn daughter, she had felt a sense of impermanence. Like she could be slowly erased from Barbara’s life, bit by bit, day by day, until there was nothing left -- and it really wouldn’t change anything. Barbara had her father, who was certainly the better influence. And the two of them were so alike. What did she need her mother for? And with Peter, she is already anticipating the day where he won’t need her anymore, either. Bracing herself for the impact as if she’s strapped into a plan spiraling toward earth. Just like her daughter, he’s so much like his father. Eventually, she’s sure she’ll become a permeable part of his life. 

It isn’t just her family, either, but her friends, too. Zatanna, Ed, Lee, Harley, Oswald...none of them really need her. And yet without them, she hardly feels seen. Like she’s a ghost, just waiting for someone to realize she is haunting them. 

She doesn’t exactly think they would be better off without her. They would all miss her and mourn if something happened to her -- something she didn’t always believe. But did they need her? 

Did Jim need her with the same depth she needed him? 

Did her children need her the way they needed their father? 

Did her friends need her to feel like they even existed?

No, no, no. 

This is probably terribly wrong in one way or another, but the first time she really felt needed, really felt seen, was becoming a mob boss. She had only started to protect the women who had come to her club because of the male curfew, and she’d needed power to do that. And power -- whether the GCPD liked it or not -- meant the mob. 

She hadn’t expected to actually enjoy it. But the power that had come with it was simply addictive. For the first time in her life, she felt like people were listening. She felt like a queen, whose strength and authority actually translated into real ramifications. People knew her name, and that name meant something. 

Giving it up had been hard. And in the end, it really hadn’t even mattered. She had given it up for her family, only to lose it anyway.

But now...there’s this. 

She touches the mask with the very tips of her fingers, as if afraid that it might dissolve away, like a dream upon waking. But it remains. She has gently tucked the owl feather underneath the centerpiece on the coffee table, where it won’t flutter away in the breeze. Putting the mask on the coffee table, too, she picks up the note and reads it -- again -- before putting it next to the mask and picking up a broom to sweep up the glass. 

“We’ve been watching you for a long time and we must say we’re impressed. As we’ve always been.”

Babs finds herself smiling as she crouches down with the dustpan, brushing up the glittering remains of her front window. 

It seems as though she’s been chosen after all. 

[bruciewayne]

anytime

stevetony, established relationship fluff

“Absolutely not.”

“C’mon! Tony, please?”

“Steven Grant Rogers, you ever learn the meaning of no?” 

Nevermind how hard it is to tell him ‘no’, especially like this, after sex, satiated and relaxed, the way he so rarely gets to see Steve.

“For me?” Steve asks, pulling Tony closer and pressing light kisses down his neck, not really going anywhere, just for the sake of it.

“Cuteness will get you nowhere,” Tony claims, even as he considers thinking about it.

“Baby,” Steve murmurs against his skin, nosing just under his ear.

Tony just about suppresses a smile, “Cheating.”

Steve teases at the hickey he left on the base of his throat, “Strategy.”

Tony doesn’t bother not trying to smile this time and finally turns to face him, “Cheater,” he says, leaning close, making it seem like he’s going to kiss Steve, and stopping just a hair short.

Steve moves to close the gap but Tony tilts his head back just a fraction, “I promise you,” he starts, breath ghosting over his face, “when you do this, I’ll make sure that nothing bad’ll happen to you.”

Tony looks at him and lets the reality of what he’s about to agree to wash over him, “Fine,” he mutters, playing annoyed. In all honesty, if he had to walk across the universe to put that wide, unabashed grin on his face, he would do it, a million times, without question, with barely even a thought. So, relative to that, this isn’t that big of a deal.

Just going on a motorbike with his boyfriend who learned how to drive in Nazi Germany in the middle of a war, in New York.

“I changed my mind.”

“Tony!” Steve says, almost petulant, nowhere near begging (because Tony knows pretty well what that sounds like). Tony can’t believe how ridiculously hot he looks, leaning against the bike, looking up at him, if he were a poetic man, he’d wax lyrical about the way the sun gleams through the open door, making his beloved seem akin to an angel.

“There’s no seatbelts on that thing! And you don’t even have a license!”

“Baby, don’t slander me,” Steve says grinning, because, maybe he doesn’t, technically, have a license (in his defence… he’s a busy guy. And no cop has stopped him yet.), “and your tin can don’t got a seatbelt’a any kind either.”

“Tin can? My tin can costs more than most companies!” Tony defends grinning back, leaning into Steve’s space.

“Doesn’t cost more than your affections, sweetheart,” Steve says, bringing his arms up to wrap around Tony’s waist.

“You’re cute when you think you’re smooth.”

Steve presses a trailing kiss to his jaw, “At least you think I’m cute.”

“Whatever would we do if I didn’t,” Tony says, lightly.

“Ten minutes. At the speed limit.”

“Five and under?”

“Describing your height?”

Tony barks out a loud laugh, despite himself, “Oh, you’re a bastard, you know that? Peer pressure and insults, what’s gotten into you, Steven?”

Steve gets that glint in his eye and grins cheekily, “You?”

Tony shakes his head and laughs, pulling the helmet on his head, “If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you.”

“I wouldn’t want anything else, darling,” Steve says, as he swings around and straddles the bike somewhere in the middle.

Tony goes to climb on behind him, but Steve stops him, “In front.”

“No. Definitely no, absolutely no.”

“You won’t really be driving, I’ll be here the whole time, right behind you.”

“You’re a terrible influence,” Tony says, as he slips onto the front of the bike and curls his hands around the handles. Steve presses up against him and wraps his arms around him to reach the handles and cover his hands with his.

“And you’re going to learn a new skill,” Steve says, kissing the nape of his neck.

“Keep doing that and we’re gonna crash.”

“We’re still in the garage, and what happened to being an old man?”

Tony huffs a laugh and leans back into Steve, “Just making sure.”

Steve smiles sweetly, then revs the engine, flicks up the kickstand with a twist of his foot and before Tony’s knows it, they’re practically flying out of the garage, door grinding back down behind them.

Tony yelps and grips tighter onto the handles, “A countdown would’ve been nice!”

He feels Steve shrug behind him, “Too much math.”

“As long as you can take five, we’re good,” Tony says, eyes fixated on the speedometer.

“Hey, hey,” Steve starts, murmuring, “you can look at the road, y’know, I promise you, I’ll keep you safe.”

“I know that.”

Steve hums, cleanly swinging ‘round a bend, and winding his way through, “Look at the road.”

“I like numbers.”

“Tony, baby.”

Tony lifts his head up to look around, they’re on a highway, with the sun just about falling behind the horizon, maybe five minutes from the Compound, the wind whipping around them and with Steve’s around him, and with him pressed up against his back, Tony can barely feel it. 

“It’s gorgeous,” Tony says, looking out onto the sunset.

“Yeah, you are,” Steve says softly, still expertly controlling the bike and Tony can feel his eyes on him.

“Eyes on the road, darling,” Tony reprimands, even as he feels a blush taking over his face.

“The tutee has become the tutor,” Steve says, squeezing his legs together in some mimicry of a hug.

Tony laughs lightly, and in that moment, all he can think of, all he can feel, and touch and smell is Steve and just Steve and it’s out of his mouth, before he’s ever had a second to even think about it, before he can think it over and over and find out, calculate, every last possible outcome, every scenario, it’s out in the air, as natural as Steve is on the bike, as easy as mechanics to Tony himself.

“I love you,” he says, and as natural as it was, he becomes so, so aware of it, so aware of that split-second where Steve freezes, when the bike stutters a little, and a tiny part of his mind tells him that they’re gonna crash, because he can’t keep his feeling in check.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Steve says, quietly into his ear, so much louder than the roar of the wind and cars around them, silencing that tiny part of his mind.

“You owe me,” Tony says, almost breathlessly as Steve presses him up against the concrete wall of his garage. He can feel Steve’s teeth against his skin as he grins into the curve of his neck.

“Ride for a ride?” Steve suggests, winding a hand through Tony’s hair and pulling him up into a kiss that Tony easily submits to.

“I knew that there’s a reason I love you,” Tony says, smiling into the kiss.

Steve lifts Tony up, in a casual, effortless show of strength, letting him wind his legs around his waist, “I love you too.”

“Can we do that again?” Tony asks, snuggling into Steve.

“My entire lower body hurts,” Steve says, bluntly, instead of going for the easy ‘Tony’s an old man and can’t get it up’ route.

Tony laughs, “Not that, the motorcycle thing. It was fun.”

Steve kisses his forehead, in a move so soft it hurt, especially after he’d ridden Tony until both of them had come half a dozen times between them, “Anytime, sweetheart.”

-

for ‘learning to ride a bike’ on happy steve bingo

[thedroidsyouarelookingfor]

Mando Chapter 13 Spoilers ...

There’s a lot to process here

WOW.

First off, like most of people, I had SO MUCH ANXIETY over seeing Ahsoka in live action. 

I mean, she’s my #1 favorite Star Wars character of all time. If she isn’t done perfectly it will be so sad. 

Well, I’ll me honest when she said her first line, I was HEARTBROKEN she wasn't dubbed by Ashley Eckstein. Ashley IS Ahsoka and I honestly believe she was highly disrespected by not at least being the voice. I’m truly bummed about it. She deserved that role, even if just the voice.

That being said, I do think this woman did a good job. She looked good and her voice wasn’t so different that it was distracting. I guess she grew on me to the point of being ultimately okay with it. I would not complain if Ashley dubbed her in the future though! 

As far as the plot goes, 

Grogu ? 

Okay. Not terrible, but will definitely take some getting used to! He has a whole history at the Jedi Temple and was trained by many different masters. I actually like this. It makes sense, I guess, but since he’s still a baby in his species I wonder when he was taken from his parents and HOW does training work when you age so differently. I still want to know the species name and home planet.

And which Jedi hid him? It had to be someone who had the time to do so??? Will we get a flashback scene!!!????? Was is Yoda? It was probably Yoda. Now I need to rewatch Revenge of the Sith and see if Yoda specifically says there’s no survivors. Or I can not worry about that and just enjoy the ride lol. BUT WHERE was he hidden? This makes me think maybe it wasn't Yoda or why would he have abandoned him? Dagobah was clearly safe. I know Baby Yoda didn’t exist when the OT or PT was made, but the story has to make sense as if he DID. SO who hid him and where and how did he end up with bandits or whatever where Mando first found him? This has always bothered me anyway. Was he in some type of stasis? Were the bandits feeding him? How long was he just there?

OH, OKAY AND AHSOKA IS LOOKING FOR THRAWN !?

So where the heckie deckie are Ezra and Sabine !? If we see more of the New Republic (or whatever the heck these former rebels are called, I’m sorry I generally hate what Disney added to the post OT timeline) are we gonna see Hera and her son? (Side note, but Rebels really messed up by having her child have green hair instead of just differently pigmented skin like the kids in Clone Wars). Anyway, maybe Thrawn is actually Moff Gideon’s boss??? Maybe Thrawn has Ezra hostage?? I don't know.... We don’t want people who have never seen the animated series to be too lost. Wasn’t there supposed to be a sequel series to Rebels soon anyway? WHERE DAT AT!?

Another thought, 

I really enjoyed the scenes with Ahsoka and the ch.....Grogu. I have a feeling that the stone and ship control ball thing are actually significant. I could be wrong, but maybe he didn’t want to let it go for a reason. Maybe he’s missing something that’s significant to him that is similar in shape. Just a thought. 

Sooooo... we got Cara Dune thinking about joining the New Republic forces, Mando taking Grogu to a Jedi Temple in search of someone who may train him, the remnant Empire forces doing some shady experiments with Jedi blood. We got Mandalorian/Death Watch cultural struggles and stuff. And Boba Fett fits in here somehow??? Okay. And people say nothing happens in this show. WILL FORCE GHOST YODA APPEAR TO GROGU AT THE TEMPLE ?! 

WAIT WHAT IF EZRA REACHES OUT TO THE CHILD AT THE TEMPLE!?

He wasn’t trained by the Jedi Order so he doesn’t have the whole “no attachments” thing as drilled into him as Ahsoka does. Maybe ??????

Anywayyyy

This show literally has the structure of a video game and I think that’s one of the reasons why I like it. The tv western and Japanese samurai influences are appreciated as well. Best Disney Star Wars content, for sure! 

Whew... what does this show have in store for us!?

[theangrypokemaniac]

Ma and Pa James's Second Biggest Fan (we plough a lonely furrow) continues to find Ma Jess's appeal mystifying, since everything about her is negative:

1. Signing up for Team Rocket suggests someone of a morally dubious character to start with, but the truth lies in the clothing, and she's in black!

Black!

It's code for her personality:

• Jessie wears white:

Pure, beautiful, innocent, sweet-natured, not really bad, dealt a severe hand in life but a fighter.

• Cassidy wears black:

EVIL!!! EVIL, EVIL, EEEEEEVUL!!! FOUL SIRENIC TEMPTRESS!!! EVIL HEARTLESS BITCH STEALING JAMES'S NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN WEEPINBELL!!!

Speaking of which:

2. She was Madame Boss's best agent.

You don't get there being kind.

To reach that standing requires hundreds of successful heists, and we aren't talking nicking gold bars. It's living things.

How many Pokémon do you imagine she stole with merciless efficiency?

How many children did she set upon, pinching every animal they had?

How many innocent lives did she ruin by depriving kids of the pets they loved, never to see them again, eaten away with the not-knowing and the false hope?

The glory of her reign ran on the fuel of blood and tears.

What fate do you envision awaited those Pokémon? It's not exchanging one master for another, it's entering slavery.

Jessie and James aren't the epitome of Team Rocket. They are minnows on the outskirts, despised and mocked by most of their fellow members. The actual group isn't particularly famous for prioritizing Pokémon welfare.

The preferable outcome is being handed out to agents to help catch other victims. Otherwise it's transformation into a war machine, forced to fight on and on to the point of exhaustion and death, no doubt tortured and tested on to boot.

What happens if they don't come up to scratch or are pushed for years until too aged and broken to be of any use? Are Team Rocket ready to pension them off to animal sanctuary?

As if. It's euthanasia or on to the streets to waste away, if not fed to the strongest first.

Ma Jess knew this and worse occurred thanks to her, yet paid it no mind, and felt not a single twinge of guilt in that time of service, then met her end trying to draw another Pokémon into imprisonment.

Some might say it was a case of what goes around, comes around. As her behaviour led to God knows how many Pokémon dying alone, leaving their loved ones to wonder and grieve, so in turn did she die alone in the snow, and Jessie had to carry on without her.

I'm not against Ma Jess, I neither feel like or dislike, but I don't understand how so many fans can happily overlook her murky past of inflicting pain, instead elevating her to a semi-divine tragic heroine, yet apparently Ma and Pa's heinous offences of not stealing and treating Pokémon well are beyond forgiveness.

3. It's the Red Ribbon Army! Save yourselves!

Jessie joined Team Rocket to follow in Ma's footsteps. James went with her. Both moved (upwardly in scale, downwardly in morals) from Sunny Town's gang of petty thief kids to a complex Mafia organisation stretching its wriggling tentacles around the world to crush the air from its lungs.

Why? Ma Jess's baleful influence led the two down that path.

Of course Jessie wants to copy Ma, how and where else can she feel close to her?

There's not even a grave to visit!

Rising in the ranks and Giovanni's favour is both to strike it rich and take her place, becoming Ma in essence. That would make her proud, which is all Jessie ever wanted.

What alternative is there? Stay with Chopper and Tyra forever, ekeing an existence pickpocketing and shoplifting, until mortality comes calling sooner than is welcome, or get loaded quickly and retire early?

James theoretically could've gone home at this point, but when it came to which angry redhead he preferred to beat him up, he chose Jessie.

He was henceforth obliged to go whenever she led, even if it meant following the ghost of her mother into the jaws of evil.

They have an excuse, but what was Ma's for getting involved?

However much they boast and revel in their wickedness, the motto proves the couple still believe themselves on a noble quest, despite everything to the contrary, and why?

Jessie isn't about to accept that Ma Jess, whom she's probably idolized as one of few people to love her and a role model of how a woman should be, was nasty or unpleasant. If she was in Team Rocket, it must be good, whatever the outer appearance.

Except Jessie and James are bad at being bad. They are not master criminals. All their plans fail, rendering them poor and starving in consequence. The inner circle of Team Rocket will always be barred to them because they lack the inner darkness it requires.

The joke is they flourish in any other occupation, whether that be Salon Rocquet, reporters, or flogging merchandise and food at the League. If employed elsewhere they'd be better off, but they have to stay because Jessie can't let go, or bear the thought she might be a disappointment to her mother's name. A different career looks unworthy by comparison.

What, so Ma and Pa have got no son because of Ma Jess? They just wanted him to be a gentleman!

If she hadn't set such a terrible example to her daughter she might have an increased quality of life, but then had she done so Ma wouldn't be dead in the first place.

4. Can't pick 'em can she?

What was it that first attracted Ma to Windy Miller? Does she go for the rustic charm, or the promise of a lifetime's supply of bread to feed the abundance of babies planned?

Don't do it, Ma! He's an alky!

Some birds are like that you see. It's the maternal instinct gone haywire. They find a local reprobate and somehow decide he's really a damaged soul crying out for love, the scapegoat of a cruel society.

He's not evil, he's just misunderstood!

This is why you get nutters wanting to marry the Yorkshire Ripper: they put his 'mischief' down to bad women mistreating his gentle heart, but they of course are devoted to his happiness. They can change him.

You don't know him like I do!

In their fantasy, under the influence of a 'proper' woman he'll transform in to a flower-picking hippie, but not too much, they still like him to be dangerously 'manly' (keeps 'em on their toes), then they can feel smugly superior and more truly female than the 'lesser' breed who failed to tame his sexy pashuns.

And if there's one thing Windy has in abundance, it's raw animal magnetism.

Stop it, Ma! You can't help those who don't want helping!

She put up with the boozing, the flour dust and his somewhat limited communication skills, but what really let him down was the company he kept.

Ever after she would insist Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub led him astray. That's firemen for yer.

Cuthbert? That name's died out.

Sure enough, some point after Ma Jess was stuffed up the spout, old Windy legged it back to Camberwick Green, like the rascal he is, and not a sweet penny piece did she receive in maintenance, the bastard.

At least Ma James got pregnant by a man who stood by her.

She wasn't married to Windy Miller!

Oh, you mean they were living over the brush? I see.

It's all in your head!

Do it my way, and we have Pa Jess. Do it yours, and we're back to a cavernous emptiness. Unless you can supply a picture of the 'real' (pffft) Pa Jess, this is the best available.

Anyway, 'Jessie Miller' just sounds right.

Coincidence? I think not.

5. She went to look for Mew dressed like this.

I could forgive it had she gone in her normal uniform, that's just whimsy, but to have made some effort emphasises that it's not enough!

Some part of her understood a mountain might be a bit parky out, but this was deemed sufficient coverage!

What happened?

She bloody died didn't she?!

6. Ma Boss points the way to doom.

Ma Jess was at least loyal to the mistress she served, but it was a wasted dedication. She squandered her life obeying a heartless virago who could cast aside apparently valued staff without a qualm, whatever thanks she owed them.

The millions Ma Jess accumulated for Madame are probably uncountable, yet she was so worthless that, when dispatched to the mountain, on her own, expected to catch a Legendary Pokémon, by herself, which many doubted even existed, and wasn't likely to come quietly, or put up with orders, but then didn't come back, Madame Boss allowed her only child to sink into poverty and the infamous 'care' of the State.

Everyone knows what goes on there. Entering a home has replaced the workhouse as the place of dread.

Jessie might have been killed or attacked and it didn't remotely concern Madame Boss, unwilling to spare a meagre fraction of her massive fortune to give the girl she made an orphan any comfort or security.

What did she matter? Her mother failed. Why reward that?

In her turn, Jessie became just as obsequious to an undeserving master, who went further than his mama and actively tried to murder her, and still she suffers to please him.

Team Rocket devoured her mother, and now it's swallowed her.

Oh, and Madame Boss got her way upon discovering Mew's fossil, so Ma Jess died for nothing.

7. This.

I'm not surprised Mew wouldn't go with Ma. She probably sensed the vivisection awaiting, and didn't give a toss about the avalanche in revenge.

Mew hasn't got where she is today falling for any old shallow promises from a stranger, thank you.

Suppose the mission had worked, with Mew caught and gift wrapped for Madame's delectation: what then?

Perhaps Mew's power, proving so impressive, would've pushed any cloning scheme aside, leaving Mewtwo unborn and Mew as the mightiest weapon. Or in greed Madame Boss demands more, and in arrogance the scientists promise the earth, the seas and the heavens.

Mew I could see subjected to some non-lethal form of dissection, just to understand how she ticked, that is if they could build the cage to hold her.

As they couldn't, and catching Mew was never a possibility, then Ma Jess's sacrificed herself on a fool's errand, which was obviously one from the outset. If Mew was easy to handle she'd have been captured long before now.

Either Ma dies, Mew's safe, but Madame Boss starts the cloning scheme anyway, or Ma's victorious, Mew is a tool of Team Rocket and the scientists have more sample to experiment upon. Mewtwo is still made, alongside short-lived creations and dozens of unseen freakish abominations preceding.

Now Mewtwo isn't what you call at peace with himself, nor has he received a particularly wholesome experience. One could think Ma indirectly caused that. Her branch of the project may have fizzled to cinders but she still played her role.

What would her legacy have been but to help bring forth the being that wiped out mankind? Where's the future for Jessie when there isn't one?

It's not her fault, but she died in the name of cloning a biological disaster, the creation of synthetic life leading to the destruction of it all.

8. Let's have a gander at Ma in the anime:

• Can afford rent.

• Can afford a tray.

• Can afford crockery.

• Can afford condiments to add flavour to food.

• Can't afford any actual food.

Something's wrong there.

I intended to include affording clothes too, but now I'm not so sure.

I never took Ma to be a brown-all-over kind of woman. At least she gave the fancy stuff to Jessie.

For years I've assumed she wore a brightly coloured jacket, but now I suspect it's a red one heavily patched up, because buying a replacement isn't an option.

Really old clothes are being mended with whatever can be salvaged from even more worn-out clobber.

Best agent Madame Boss has and she's practically living in her own filth.

Team Rocket takes care of its own, eh?

Oh no, let's not get a proper job, one that allows me to provide for my daughter and doesn't ask for my life. Let's stay in this one!

9. Look at Jessie's face!

By her own admission, being tricked into eating snow is the best thing that ever happened to her during an 'otherwise wretched childhood', to the extent she doesn't know it was wrong!

I don't hear Ma and Pa doing that. The only ice James got was an ice-cream sandwich.

What kind of infancy did Ma Jess give the girl for her to be nostalgic about almost dying of malnutrition?

If we say that's a foster mother as in the sub, it means Jessie's fondest memory is after Ma died, which is too brutal for me.

Yeah, thank goodness she's snuffed it.

You think Ma might have taught her not to eat snow! She left her so ill-prepared!

Consequently the sub version makes Ma Jess an awful creature, although I don't see why that Jessie would so desire to mimic a mom she apparently doesn't care about.

10. She's not even bloody here!

I have no picture to signify absence, therefore I must show whom she left behind.

Ma Jess is Pokémon's answer to Bobba Fett: background figure, barely involved, no information, dies early, yet became a fan favourite nevertheless.

If nothing really exists, what is there to like? Why are you contented weaving smoke?

When Rocketshippers put forward the manga as proof, the Anti-Ships used to insist that it 'didn't count' for being set in a 'separate universe'.

If that still goes, and only the contents of the anime apply to the anime, well then it's bye-bye to Ma Jess and Madame Boss, because they aren't real either.

I sometimes think that's true. However traumatic, would Jessie not have acknowledged her mother by now otherwise?

We grasp the characters all had two parents in a nebulous fashion, although not being real people means they don't 'technically' need them, but Ma Jess is the only one who vanished to be granted a face. Why is she then ignored?

She's briefly glimpsed in a passing scene of a single episode of the first series and is never seen or referenced again. The sub doesn't even have that. Where was the use in creating her if only to leave that thread of the tale billowing in the breeze?

We may decide her actions affect Jessie's but we're only imprinting assumptions. She might as well have remained unwritten for all that's made of her.

What we can glean doesn't bode well, irrespective of things left unmentioned.

Her one redeeming deed was dying, thus at least she didn't choose to abandon Jessie. We may presume she'd have stayed with her girl given the chance.

By my reckoning that puts her as Fifth-Best Mother Of Pokémon, behind Ma Brock, Ma James, Dame Ketchum and Ma Boss, in that order.

Then they're those who claim she never died, so she just pissed off like everyone else, rendering her devoid of a single positive quality.

This is the woman you sigh and agonise over for decades.

Ma and Pa are right there, man! Show 'em some love!