#and i am telling you that SHIT GOES DOWN
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oh man idk who am i gonna root for in the story 😔 whoever’s the guy that doesn’t end up with our badass Mother yn, im taking him 😏🫶🫶🫶
AHAHAH REAL.
#ask#anon#lod#ngl the more i think about it#the more i think that this story ain't really a love triangle#but you'll see what i mean#we still got a hefty load of flashback chapters left#and i am telling you that SHIT GOES DOWN#lod jk and i have the same personality type tho so realistically that shit would not work out#intj men scare me
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some tragic love stories be like: if i could bottle the galaxy, i would pour it into a cup so it would be easier for you to drink. do you want them? do you want the stars? or do they suit you better as adornments for your eyes than glitter on your lips?
but they don’t want the stars. they don’t want the galaxy. but how can they not? is that not enough? (it’s too much, that’s the problem. it’s too much.)
#ney's idle chatter (random textposts)#me trying and failing to capture why hadestown has embodied Love in a way i don’t think i’m really capable of comprehending fr#but also this can be about whatever blorbo you want#when i think about that one line in chant#when hades says ‘brighter than the light of day’#‘look. look at what i can make for you—see?’#meanwhile the last thing persephone wants is to be reminded of this hollow echo of what their love is in her memories#when i think about that scene when eurydice tells orpheus they need to get food#but he’s working on his song and she makes the choice to trust him and go#to work harder and longer and search for things to feed them and trust he’ll bring spring back#THE WAY PERSEPHONE TRIES TO KISS HADES GOODBYE AT THE START WHEN SHE COMES BACK FOR SUMMER#AND HOW IT PARALLELS EURYDICE KISSING ORPHEUS GOODBYE WHEN SHE GOES TO LOOK FOR FOOD#and hades pulls away. because she’s leaving him and he’s terrified. he’s terrified and turns it into anger because otherwise he’s helpless.#and orpheus doesn’t respond when eurydice leaves because he’s working—he’s working and he’s going to give her what he promised.#but she needs his help. she needs his help now—she needs his support and he isn’t there.#thinking about the moment she takes the ticket from hades and#it almost implies she starves. that she dies. that she starves to death trying to find food for them both#i promise you however unhinged i seem about this musical i am being purposefully restrained so i don’t spam you all too much orz#holy SHIT these tags are LONG#even for me this is ridiculous there’s a whole other post down here#high five to you for reading it ig damn#hadestown
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Me: *draws tons of 3k stuff. Looks up a lot of 3k stuff. Often rewatches Wo Long cutscenes on Youtube for refs when I’m away from my pc. Likes a lot of 3k stuff. Yada yada yada you get the point.*
My YouTube recommendations: I Sleep -_-
Me: *Listens to two JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure opening songs (and one ost) and adds them to my playlist because they are absolute bops*
My YouTube recommendations:
REAL SHIT 0_0
#For the curious. The openings are Bloody Stream op2 and Stand Proud op3. The ost is the Pillar Men theme. Bangers#I am a JoJo enjoyer indeed but my ass is still recovering from my fav’s untimely demise at the end of part 3#I’ll only say one word. Donut. if you know you know.#I don’t wanna spoil. Go watch. It’s weird and brutal at times but good.#Like I straight up went through part 4 all depressed and just wasn’t vibing with it unless the main villain appeared#because shit goes down ya know and I love the whole whodunnit part of the story#but idk part 3 just hits different. scratches my brain right.#kinda wanna catch up. finish part 6 and watch part 5 cause I forgot when part 6 premiered cause I was excited#Can you tell JJBA influenced my artstyle and volatile taste in characters?#Cause I go hoppidy hop over a quiet yet bold and snarky sweetheart like Kakyoin#and then drool over DIO or Kars’ unapologetic flair for the dramatics#and cake. how could I forget?
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I have made... Quite the discovery
#you know the fucking gif of the chef from ratatouille reading a letter and he gets more disturbed as he goes on. me. that was me tonight#they are INSANE for this. HOLY SHIT#as a fan of character design and symbolism and themes I am ASTOUNDED. wtf#I hope my neighbors didn't mind me shouting “TURTLE!” at 1 am#I can't wait for Kie to wake up so I can tell them abt this because we've been discussing scratch's logo for a while#I LOVE HOW THEY HID THAT ONE BTW#there are some characters I still need to figure out who they're supposed to be but I've got most of the main cast down#oh gods.#monkey wrench#toasted texts
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Crying and shaking knowing that an MK V Sun Wukong fight is in the cards for us
#mark my fucking words#it's going to happen#we have had 4 seasons of resentment and miscommunication building up I am fucking READY#MK is just going to SNAP. Wukong is going to go entirely on the defensive#Which won't be good because MK is fucking crazy strong rn#MK was ready to fight Monkey King in Shadow Play. And that was only s2 like#The truth of MK's origins are going to come out and it's going to fall apart from there#Then we'll get Samadhi fire Mei *jumps* TWO but with MK chewing Sun Wukong out#''Your whole legacy is about you being impulsive and dodging responsibility!'' haha interesting.#Like how he left sweet baby MK with pigsy. Alright.#Like he loves monkey king obviously and they'll work it out but not before you know. Shit goes DOWN.#not before MK snaps#''How could you not tell me about what I am?''#And then Wukong is going to get through to MK like MK got through to Mei. Or honestly maybe Mei shows up and saves Wukong's ass#Ready for this fight to parallel the 1x07 and Revenge of the Spider Queen spars as well as Ink MK V MK in 4x07#Like it's all set up for us guys it's going to be so bad#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#imp tag#lmk rant
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christ it hits me a lot how shit I was treated by lull and how much I thought that was normal. Lev set up a study room in my house, and... he said I can come in because I was sort of obviously asking the question without even knowing I was asking, like I wanted to ask the question but knew it'd be a no. Why did I know itd be a no? Well a study space is a serious space for actual academic and general people who do work to use, full of books and journals that both aren't my business and will be easily messed up if I touch them, and there's no reason for me to be in there anyway because I don't do work, a study is only a space for normal people and not people who mess everything up and - how do i know this? Oh I mean because lull - yeah
#It drives me up the wall how lull constantly pulled ''Black is abusive and that's why I'm fucked up and if he tells me off it's actually#abuse'' when like. Lull was out there hunting down Black's lives and Black just goes ''oh fuck I trust you idk why you'd lie about#something serious like that I guess I AM abusive'' lull is the abuse in the room with us now. or is it that I touched your books#and messed up the cleanliness of the desk and now you're having a minor breakdown because I ruined your image in front of others#It was literally just a fucking cover because lull did fucked up things and when Black went hold on. Did you do that? Lull would be like#No and you're so fucking mean to me you're horrible you're fucking abusive you're controlling you're -#One of us is here trying to live and give you both space and everything we have. The other one... Is trying to literally get in bed#and marry unknowing unawakened lives of the other before they can wake up to who they are and grooming and manipulating#and fucking them up. Bruh. You wouldn't let me do things like be an equal to you and go near you stuff without mental punishment#and I said oh god OK I'm sorry. I won't do that. And yet somehow I'm abusive and controlling and... I mean I said it already that was a#cover. it wasn't meant to make sense lmfao it was a specific tactic tailor made for us like all the tactics are tailor made for each victim#But anyway. Seriously. I'm scared to go into Lev's study. I'm standing in here anyway bc I need to get over it but like#It's wild to me - oh. I was sitting asking why I'm so trained about not going near his study like ''man why this though why#was this such a bad thing to do when it's not that serious'' because /all his fucking notes and diaries and records of the fucked up shit#he was up to/. I wasn't allowed to see his books and records on manipulation#The fuckin Dossiers he kept detailing specific manipulation tactics and experiments done on people's results and shit#I wasn't allowed to see all the papers and shit he had on psychological torture and shit#Bruh. It always makes sense in the fucking end doesn't it#ramblings //#astral diary //#Diary //
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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i feel like you'd fuck with stardew valley do you fuck with stardew valley
ive actually never played stardew valley! i dont play games unless i can get them on one of my two consoles which are the 3ds and the playstation 2 lol
#just because youve encouraged me to talk tho im gonna tell you everything im playing rn#because im on my hacked 3ds arc ive got a lot of new games#at the moment i am of course playing animal crossing my beloved but i also have#ace attorney investigations 2 which is coming to the switch and shit now#but it was originally only on the og ds and released for japan only#so ive got a fan made translation which im loving. the game is great but i miss shi-long lang he's like the only furry ever to me#im back on my miitopia arc i havent played miitopia since i was like 12 years old but now i have and im further than ever before#im also playing tomodachi life which is banger as always#im really excited for the next ace attorney game tho bc apollo justice is where everything goes down#and when i say everything i mean apollo justice. on klavier gavin
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sometimes i wish pnat was just slightly more adult/teen audience-d. like the Goonies. can you imagine how much fun itd be if the kids could say swears and make dick jokes. i want max to say the fuck word every day of my life
#paranatural#eds paintbrush gets snatched by a bird spirit and he full chested goes BALLS.#isabel calls isaac a bitch and isaac cries about it. isabel goes SIGH im sorry i called you a bitch. isaac says you dont think im a bitch?#isabel nods gently and says i dont think youre a bitch and im sorry. isaac says its ok i was being a little bit of a bitch#the bully gang chase in ch1 happens normally but max tells them to eat shit and die#isabel face down into her pillow kicking and screaming says i hate this FUCKING household#when johnny starts seeinngshades he goes to the gang and is like well fellas i have reasons to believe i am on…. The Drugs#ollie goes what are you talking about. what drugs. johnny goes iunno but im prolly on em. seein shit aye?#ollie goes the hellre you talkin about man whered you even get some shit like that#johnny goes i jus SAID iUNNO but im SEEIN SHIT#stephen says my mom busted a guy for weed last week maybe it got into your head when u were over the other day#rj says steph your moms a valor stealing bastard. stephen nods and says acab
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im miserable and im really bad at the ukulele !
#alligates says things#this is humour btw. ok to reblog if u feel the same#i am miserable tho. and i have been miserable. and it suck#this is known. for years on this website i've been up n down#but yeah it's#the darkness is ever changing#the shape once u think u know what it's becoming it resolves into the white space and ur like the fuck#type of shit i tell my therapist and she goes ok actually i don't understand that#once you recognize your demon. give it a name. take its power#suddenly. while you weren't looking. everything else became the demon#because oops ! it's leaking out of you. it's coming from you#the call is coming from inside the house#fuck. anyway
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i wish i was good at art so people would be interested in my ocs.
except that's a lie. i don't even really enjoy making art besides doodles. what i love is writing. so i think what i actually want is for everyone to fall in love with reading.
and like obviously i get it. im weird. i spent a large part of my youth reading wikis for games i never played, shows i never watched. i still do tbh. i have always loved seeking out superfluous information. bc it was *like* reading a story, except you only had the separate pieces and had to put them together like puzzle to get the whole story
it's a bit like history, now that i think about it.
and i LOVE finding somebody who has OCs with thousands of words of backstory. that's the fastest way to get me interested. a simple doodle and then a wiki entry of information.
idk. i guess im just venting a bit. it feels a bit unfair. every pro-OC post is geared towards artists. people who love to draw. but I just don't. i mean yeah i like making little doodles, but frankly it's about the same enjoyment i get from solving basic math equations.
and fucking obviously i love and treasure all my artist friends. if you are seeing this and you love to draw your OCs, I love you. I would never begrudge you your happiness.
it's times like these i wish forums hadn't really died out. i want a community. i want to make that connection. but i feel ignored bc my talents don't align with the current state of things in the greater community.
whatever. whatever. i just hate venting bc i worry about making people feel bad but sometimes I feel bad. and ive never been able to talk about feeling bad without getting yelled at. Which isn't healthy, of course, and I know that, and Im slowly trying to break the habit of just shoving it down. and Ive had a drink so im willing to be more open so uh. there, i guess. i feel like dogshit that i have neither the energy nor the inclination to draw my OCs and that it's literally fucking impossible to get your OCs noticed through writing. nothing really to be done about it. that's just how life goes. not all hobbies are meant for all people.
#titi talks#vent#all the time in my youth i would tell myself I'd just get good at drawing and then draw so-and-so idea#but it's been like a decade now. so frankly i think it's just not going to happen#like i said ive had a drink (and a strong one at that) so my ability to reason is slightly impaired#but ive mostly accepted it. ive swallowed down the bitter pill that nobody but me cares#and it's not like i haven't tried art! but it just takes so much goddamn energy to produce a result worth anything#my arts a bit shit. and that's fine! no shame in that#but it hurts a lot to post into a discord art channel#that has a RULE that you must acknowledge the previous poster's art before you may post your own#and STILL get fucking ignored. like they broke the rules to ignore you and everyone after agreed with it#or when you say 'this is the one thing I am proud of being able to draw'#and somebody you hold in high esteem goes#'hey do you wanna see me do that better and in a quarter of the time?'#AND AGAIN THIS IS NOT TO DISPARAGE THOSE WHOSE TALENT IS IN ART#YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND VALUABLE#i just wish *I* had some value#my talents earn me nothing. and it hurts.#and ive even stopped writing bc i don't have the energy often#and even if i did it's not like anybody gives half a shit
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Youtube's algorithm has given up on me.
The computer generated playlist I've got going right now can't decide between Kiwi reggae, 80s power ballads, Mongolian throat singing, and Ecuadorian death metal.
I feel like I just unlocked one of those hidden achievements... "confuse an algorithm so much that it can't decide if it should be selling you 4C wigs or Nascar parts or pan flutes or parachutes"
#I'm as white as it's realisticly possible to be#The ''default'' culture that gets jammed down everyone's throats is mostly from my actual culture#Like if you go back before Christianity spread across Europe#My ancestors were hunting boars and worshipping forest gods on the northern edge of the Black Forest#I am 100% positive that I am not the target market for those wigs#And I don't know shit about Nascar#Except apparently it's WAY more left wing than I was expecting#And I like LISTENING to pan flute music sometimes but playing music myself? Lol uh huh tell me how that goes for you#Now#The parachutes#I'm listening
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Shitstorm of a day
#Person I was working with today broke down and cried#I broke down and cried#I'm just so pissed and disappointed#Ppl act like we're not giving our all and hold things against us that they have no right to#We can't help that our backgrounds are just different#And we're in this program to make up for our shortcomings of not having direct plant experience#Like we are here for a reason it's not just for shits and giggles#And the me that goes into these plants is a different me than the one at home#Because I am going into a place with the intent to do work and absorb as much information as possible#So I'm sorry if I don't ask you about your home life when I'm being paid to learn the process and how plants differ#I'm trying to do my job and most of that is ask questions about the process and how things are done#I'm not here to unnecessarily take up your time and shoot the breeze with everybody#I tell myself that otheelr ppls opinion of me doesn't matter but have I been failing this whole time#Do most ppl think I'm too shy to do any job in the future properly#I'm not always this quite but I just don't like spending my time unproductively#I was told that this was the time to sell myself and show the plat a that I mean business#But has it all been for naught? Are they just taking this 2d impression of me and writing me off?#I fuckin can't right now#Can't believe I'm crying over this after I promised myself to do better by myself and say fuck em if other ppl don't like me#I just don't have the strength to deal with this rn
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cant sleep because i cant stop thinking about how the mechanic was a bit of an asshole to me for no reason when i got my car finally taken in
#adw's ramblings#'i could tell your car's been sitting for a month' yeah i wouldve moved it sooner if it could. you know. start#'the sun here drains your battery you should be able to pick it up once i charge it' that car has been#jumpstarted five times in the last week and not once has it stayed alive long enough to leave the parking spot#three of those times it died while the starter was still hooked up and on#and one of those three times the starter was the tow truck (she didnt want to go into neutral so the driver gave her a quick spark)#(it was the most pathetic sounding attempt to start i've ever heard her make)#guess what i didnt get the call to pick up my car today#i know im 5'2" and look several years younger than i am but god can you not be so condescending#and like whatever its not the only time this sort of shit will or has happened to me i know#but im already stressed about the car and im not great at sleeping to begin with so this is like the cherry on the cake#i was baking until 11:45 last night in a dorm kitchen#but i dont have milk so i can't make the muffins or quick breads i have mixes for#and guess what i need to get milk.#a working car#not that i need more baked goods im not convinced my roommate and i can make it through the cake i made before it goes bad#i'm very stressed and anxious and a little bit angry and its all just. ughhhhhhh#if you made it this far down the tags uhh here's a cookie i guess 🍪#you can imagine it's one of the ones i made yesterday#or technically the day before yesterday since it's past midnight here
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jklkhjhjg
#everyday i feel like a spare tire that is only needed for house chores#'005 why dont you talk about your day more often' (talks) (gets shut down 1s after i finish to talk about THEIR day)#whole family doesnt trust me with jack shit even with basic things like paying the bill and would rather get my bro to do it than me#standing there talking about furniture and the way my mum just wants to keep asking my bro#despite him literally telling her to ask me and pointing to me#the way my aunt and uncle shuts down realising when he goes overseas they have to talk to ME and they dont trust me#i dont know why it's so hard. just 1) give me your problems and 2) i will solve them as fast as possible#mum convo with my bro : up to 3 hours at times#mum convo with me : 10 minutes tops#'005 why do you like to talk to yourself' yeah i sure Don't Know Why.#thank you for continuously reaffirming that i have no obligation to care for you when even basic topics get ignored#i am highly aware that i am not appreciated and that the lack of my existence wont affect the timeline in anyway but Come On.#i am practically a dummy for people to yell at every time they get grumpy or their vibes are off#idle thoughts
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What is it about internal pain that hurts so much more than external pain :c
#rant#asterisk here that i think some people find external pain hurts more#just like. man. i can walk off a tackle. i can limp away with a bruise the size of my head#i dont even feel a slice across my skin externally after a second#which is why i dont realize oh shit i have a cut till i shower later and find a 10 inch long cut down my calf oops#but. internal? god my internal pain SO bad a muscle relaxer. a nerve pain med#and max dose ibprofen and tylenol dont do SHIT#pain so bad that when the pain stops i literally fall s#asleep wherever i am cause the pain relief is so Nice my body is exhausted and just goes to sleep at the chance#i wish bodies let me TURN THE INTERNAL PAIN OFF#like YES body! you alerted me! i get it! im injured somewhere inside! stop telling me now!#its hard to treat it when simply existing hurts so fucking much!#anyway my backs been 8-9/10 pain for a month now and i did ab exercises yesterday#in a desperate attempt to relieve pain after lidocaine patch and muscle relaxer and ibprofen didnt help#and i woke up today at 6 am to period cramps.#and somehow. those period cramps hurt MORE then my back pain#to the point my body didnt even register the back pain. then i took ibprofen for the period#(and 800 mg worked eventually thank fuck) and now i feel the backpain nonstop again great -.-#(to be fair i have. excessively bad period cramps mormally. like make you wanna chainsaw off your abdomen#downward bad level cramps. scream for an hour in super hot bath water with 800 mg ibprofen and a muscle#relaxer pain levels. ToT
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