#and i am grateful for the character analysis but also i don't know what to do with it

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 5 thoughts

i’m back. i’m back and i’m intrigued. because i'm reading the episode description, and if we get more mulder ex lore here, which the episode description makes it sound like we will, i am… not sure how i will feel on the subject. the term “reincarnation” makes it sound like whoever it was… died. did an ex of his die? and that is a lot of mulder marked by pain and suffering. and maybe i’m getting ahead of myself. but the writers KNOW we want our agents to smooch, so focusing on an ex might make me, the viewer, feel weird. i just need to get all these thoughts out in writing before we begin.

how is he gonna tell if someone is a reincarnated lover? or am i misunderstanding this entirely. 

only one way to find out

author’s note: oh my gosh…… nothing could have prepared me for this. at all. here i was thinking it was ex lore time, but it was past life time, and there are TEARS in my eyes.

(serious author's note: i ask for some grace in this episode recap. there may be some things i word poorly. i am familiar with the terminology used to describe DID, and did my best, but acknowledge that i may have come up short. please understand that this is intended to capture my live reactions to what i was seeing for the very first time. at times here, there are no reactions, just a sort of a nebulous recapping of what i saw because i was feeling So Many Things. so this one might be messy, and i hope that is okay. i don't understand what i am feeling, but i am feeling a Lot of it, and humbly ask for your patience in my clumsy wording as well as some helpful discussion on what just went down)

let us begin, i type as i sniff up some tears

we open with mulder in a field… is he reciting poetry? and looking very sad. 

wait, is he not actually reciting poetry and he just talks like that? while holding two pictures of old timey people. i’d guess civil war era.

okay. so now we jump right to the intro. that was quick. i’m still processing what we just saw because we were really dropped into that one with no context whatsoever.

federal agents break into a temple in tennessee. they’re looking for illegal firearms! and a guy named ephesian.

but mulder sees a window… and he is staring at it… walking out the door as if led by some sort of spiritual quest while scully yells his name and wonders wtf he’s doing. he is not responding to her at all, but she’s chasing after him because she is a good friend.

so he’s hearing things while scully is pulling her gun out, and it does appear that he found a trapdoor!

he busts in, and slaps some poison out of the hand of a woman who was taking sips, and then grabs the dude who i assume is the cult leader. whew… that was close

now they’re at some sort of meeting, listening to tapes, and skinner is here!!! hiiii skinner. everybody say hi skinner!

so, someone on the tape seems to be whistleblowing on this cult- the seven stars or something- saying that the leader is hurting children and stockpiling weapons. mulder looks incredibly pensive during all of this.

oh! someone refers to mulder as “our man spooky”, which is kind of hilarious, while complaining that the reports were weak. scully leans in and asks yeah, how did he know that? while the men are fighting.

and skinner yells KNOCK IT OFF!!!! because the folks at the compound were somehow able to hide all the evidence before they got there, and now they’re forced to hold ephesian and “his wives” on “BS charges”. so now the agents MUST find evidence of firearms and who the informant was NOW because they will try to get an arraignment fast.

woah. no pressure.

skinner comes over talk to mulder and scully- they must look into this ephesian fellow's claims of supernatural abilities. scully says he can use the book of revelations to manipulate his followers, but seems to suspect no real powers. 

they to talk to this ephesian fellow, who says he knew for 9 centuries that scully was coming, and starts going on about the bible, quoting stuff. very scary behavior.

mulder comes in with the fact check. jesus said that at smyrna, not about some church in tennessee! (his knowledge…. it always impresses me)

this dude is being super creepy, telling them to put aside their investigation “for your own souls”, because soon all unfaithful shall “be destroyed by God’s mighty men”. so this is some pretty standard cult rhetoric here. if you've studied religions, you've heard this one many times. it seems that ephesian thinks he and his people shall be the ones doing this violence. a tight zoom in on mulder’s troubled face as he quotes more scripture.

they have 6 wives to question, and mulder says to start with one in particular. interesting… i wonder why that one. is it because she was the one they caught ephesian with in the hidden area... or something more?

her name is melissa, and she says she’s 25 as she smokes a cigarette and dodges their questions. she’s been at the compound and married to ephesian for a year. 

mulder asks if it troubles her that ephesian has so many other wives, and she just recites scripture instead of answering. so scully comes in with the “i’d have a tough time if my husband had so many children with other women”. this seems to begin to get her to crack, as she tears up.

wait... it’s so wrong to hear scully call someone else, who isn't her sister, melissa :(

melissa she doesn’t have any children with ephesian yet... because he has to wait for God to tell him that the right soul is ready to be reincarnated, which is why his children are the most sacred members of the temple. naturally, of course /s

things get quiet when they ask if he had been hurting the children until melissa starts talking with a very different voice and set of mannerisms, and she no longer replies to the name melissa. so scully scrawls “multiple personality” in her loopy handwriting and passes it over to mulder. oh! is this sydney?

(at this point, i shall begin to refer to sydney with he/him pronouns, as this is what mulder does. normally i would stick to my journalistic integrity and keep reporting the things i wrote down incorrectly while watching the episode, but i'm trying to be very respectful- i hope you understand)

but mulder writes back to scully no, this is not a multiple personality case, it's a past life case! his handwriting is very blocky. to prove his point, he asks sydney who the current president is, and he responds that it is harry truman. ah. so, he's a few years off.

mulder claims that “somehow he just knew” sydney was melissa's past life, which doesn’t reveal a lot, but his eyes are very soulful and i want to hold his hand.

skinner says they need to find something to get this case moving forward, and mulder is like dude, we found sydney, the voice matched! i would agree with his judgement that this in fact a sizeable discovery.

mulder is saying that what they have seen matches the criteria of DID in the DSM4 (woah, need to look up when we switched to 5), but scully is saying that some people don’t even think it exists as a condition, and skinner thinks it could be a trap to buy more time for ephesian. so no one is in agreement here.

but mulder is going into his psychology expert mode and is making a very compelling case that this is an example of DID, particularly in the fact that sydney emerged when the topic of child abuse came up, which fulfilled the protector role. scully wants to know more before giving any sort of diagnosis, but she doesn't seem opposed to the hypothesis.

(skinner seems to fumble over which pronouns to use for each personality here)

skinner says to go ahead and take her back to the compound and see if it gets any results in prompting memories that could be useful to the investigation, but scully is mad at mulder! he didn’t even have the courage to tell skinner he thinks they're dealing with past lives here! mulder, who is usually so brave!!

he mumbles that skinner wouldn’t believe him. which is true.

woah, i don’t know how to interpret this line here, so i’ll just write it down for further analysis:

“i don’t believe that you feel responsible for those 50 lives. or melissa reidel. you are only responsible to yourself, mulder”

(is she saying he doesn’t care about those 50 people?? is she saying he has an ulterior motive? is she calling him a liar, and that he is using this case to gain support for his supernatural ideas?? is she calling him selfish? or is she trying to tell him that he can only be responsible for himself and control his own actions, that he cannot place the burden of saving everyone upon his shoulders? is she berating or reassuring him or both? does she think he isn't serious about the lives in danger?)

i can’t figure it out, but he gets up and leaves. (after watching the episode, i still can't figure it out- what did you think?)

so they take melissa back to the temple, and scully asks her to recall the painful memories so they can keep herself and others safe. it is very tense as she walks into a bedroom and sees many photos on the wall of ephesian and his wives. she knocks some of them over and starts crying.

scully still looks furious with mulder. it's as if she thinks his desire for supernatural entities to be proven comes ahead of his desire to save actual lives, and it's recalling her comparison to ahab during the conversation on the rock. she must feel that there is no time for this, that they need to get concrete answers right away or horrible things will happen; perhaps she thinks he isn't focused, is being fanciful. and i understand the pressure of a ticking clock, but after so long, this rift between them, it doesn't feel right.

oh my goodness, we see some horrific artwork on the wall by the kids at the temple. woah. shoutout to the set design team.

melissa is in the playroom sobbing, but asks why she is being called melissa. scully asks what she should call her, and that is how we meet lily. but lily isn’t there for very long before sydney comes back, saying to “leave the kid alone”. mulder says they can all be safe if they just are told where the guns are. then melissa seems to come back, and she goes back out the window where mulder was staring earlier!!! what does this window know?!?

and the score here is really pretty as she walks outside, scully following behind her. mulder is clearly unwell, though, and scully asks what is wrong, which he ignores and walks past her. typical him.

a new alter of melissa's seems to front, now with a southern accent, saying the guns are in a bunker. but… it’s the civil war she’s talking about. she was a nurse, looking for someone who was staying in tennessee. and she found that someone here, dead. then she was hidden in a bunker while the battle raged above her. it is very horrific, what she is describing.

she clarifies that she was there in november 1863, then turns to mulder and says “as were you”. he doesn’t seem shocked by this, but scully is, as this new southern belle proclaims “this is the field where i watched you die” OH!

(mulder, a confederate in a past life… this is deeply unfortunate)

mulder is trying to make a phone call to a hypnotist while they drive melissa back to the police station, but scully figures out he’s trying to do past life regression on her and says not to. and that her life is in shreds, and that is too much for her to handle. i hate to say it, but i agree with her. melissa has been through so much, and with such a tight deadline, i don't know if they have time for such a journey.

OH! mulder is angry. his voice is all growly as he yells “YOU WERE THERE, SCULLY! you saw it, you heard it, why can’t you feel it?” oh my gosh… the way he slammed his hand on the wheel... why can't she see it, it seems so obvious to him... how infuriating it must be...

scully asks why ephesian is a paranoid sociopath for claiming to be in greece years ago, but he isn’t for claiming to have died in that field……. damn…….

(idk what’s going on here between them exactly but i’m stressed. they are stressing me out)

(at this point, we begin a sequence in which i am so enraptured with what is going on, i have no reactions to all of the things i am seeing, and just recount them to you, with occasional interjections of "oh my god"- but i think if you've seen the episode, you get why it had this effect on me)

so they do get a therapist, who is talking to melissa. she begins to answer the therapist's questions about seeing anything upsetting at the compound, talking about a woman named elizabeth and her son scott, who came to live in the temple. and ephesian took the son away. but ephesian caught his mother visiting her son, and “the mighty men” beat her, which brings melissa to tears as she recounts this. and he hit the boy, calling him garbage, beating him.

scully looks very stressed in the background to hear all of this, but sydney is now fronting at this point, saying to leave melissa alone, and that the guns are in the bunkers… somewhere. where they are is a mystery, though.

scully leans down to mulder and says that maybe there is a map somewhere, but mulder says she knows where to find them. and at this she says “mulder…” in a very breathy fashion and i still can’t quite articulate what is going on between them…. but he’s going in.

he says it’s me, melissa, and asks her to go back to the field. “your eyes may have changed shade, but it cannot color the soul behind them”, she says. that they are only to meet in passing in this life. and she misses him. he just stared and stares, before his head falls into his hands

scully is trying to explain to him that this is a product of melissa's illness, and she can’t give any specifics- no names or locations, and they don’t have time to do this, because ephesian’s arraignment is in two hours.

“wouldn’t you, scully? wouldn’t anybody?” <- oh my god…. is he compelled by a terrible sense of duty or by his own curiosity? is she scared to watch him go down this path he cannot return from?

okay, so now he is going back into his past lives. this sequence is almost entirely a close up of his face, for minutes on end, which adds to the intensity. he's really panting as he remembers. “ghetto streets. shattered glass. bodies of the dead. a jewish woman. poland.” oh my god…… 

he says that he is samantha’s mother in this life; “in this life, she is my son”

his father is dead, and… HIS FATHER IS SCULLY? WHAT? i didn’t see that coming. she’s troubled by this, all of this, not just learning he believes her soul to have been his father before.

but he says that his father is waiting now for their souls to come back together, different, but always together, again and again, to learn.

and he is crying. he can’t go to his father. a gestapo man is there, and he is cancer man; “evil returns as evil, but love… souls mate eternal”. and his wife is melissa, who is taken away to the camps. and he’s crying, and scully is watching with great concern.

now, he’s rising above the field, near the bunker. and his sergeant is also dead, and “he is scully”, and we cut to her face of increasing sadness. sarah holds him, who is melissa. she is sarah kavanaugh, and he is sullivan biddle. she doesn’t know that he’s waiting for her, that they will live again. 

scully tries to ask if he sees any bunkers, but he keeps saying his soul is tired, and he wants to rest.

and this is devastating. it was if i was the one undergoing the hypnosis here. i couldn't look away, i couldn't react, i was so entirely absorbed and confused and busy feeling things.

scully is consulting a map in the town records to try and find this bunker where the weapons are stored, and then she looks up the names he mentioned. sure enough, they are in the county records. then she reaches for some photos, where she finds one of sullivan and sarah. 

a lot of things are being processed in her brain, so we might need to give her a minute. i think we can see some long-held systems of belief being challenged in her mind.

but she brings him back the photos of their past lives, even as she is telling him that ephesian is going to be released soon. why would she do this? to comfort him? to validate him without using words?

oh my god, mulder just called her “dana”. wait. hold on. oh my god, hold on.

“dana, if, um… early in the four years we’ve been working together… an event occurred that suggested or somebody told you that… we’d been friends together in other lifetimes- always- wouldn’t it have changed some of the ways we looked at one another?”

“even if i knew for certain, i wouldn’t change a day”

WAUGHHHHHHHH (ripping my clothes off in grief) WAOUGHHHHHH wouavhhhghhhh……… she wouldn’t change a day….

(and what event was it that he is referring to? is there a certain one...? am i forgetting something from early s1...? damn you, my obsessive note-taking impulses, for not kicking into gear until s2...)

“well… maybe that flukeman thing, i could have lived without that just fine” HDHJSNSME he smiles as she leaves….

(i had to google what that even was because i was like ??? but the flukeman was the season 2 sewer baby!!! for those of you who are going into this whole thing blind and also don't know what the fandom calls stuff! i think to me he was "baby sewer mermaid" or something along those lines... but now we know)

so now he and melissa are in the room together, trying to recall. she says she wants to believe (!!!), and he’s rubbing her hand, but ephesian comes in, saying it’s time to leave. so she rips the photo in half and leaves crying. 

does he know he was supposed to love her? is he mourning that he hasn't? is he wondering if he has time to?

mulder gets up, and leans his head against the wall. scully comes in to say that they are still searching for more bunkers as the temple people return to their home. there is a deep sense of grief.

ephesian seems suspicious. 

mulder is talking to skinner, saying that those in the temple believe that the FBI are the devil’s army, prophesied to be defeated by the armies of god. but ephesian must not really believe that, because he hid the weapons. mulder emphasizes that he may “deny himself”.

back at the compound, all the members are being called to worship. the music is getting scary, and guns are being pulled out. 

scully looks up some bible verses and realizes that ephesian is calling his members to the end of times, which gives skinner the go ahead to launch a raid.

back at the compound, the poison is being distributed to the members of the temple. and a few are shooting at the agents outside, and mulder and scully pull up as the sipping of the poison begins inside. 

NO! mulder puts his hands up and begins to walk into the compound!!!!! WHAT IS HE DOING!!! scully shouts out that he is dead. as we see inside there are piles and piles of bodies, including melissa.

but wait! is she still alive???? she’s getting up!!! 

but no! ephesian is still there watching her. giving her poison to take. mulder is running in as fast as he can, trying to figure out what is going on. and he finds the room full of the bodies while gregorian chanting is in the background. 

he finds melissa, with no pulse, holding onto the photo she had torn. 

scully sees him touching her arm, raising his eyes and crying. 

we end where we began, with him in the field, holding the pictures of his and melissa’s past lives. 

end episode. 

what…..

first thoughts: i don’t quite know what to make of this, but i can tell it is going to tear me apart for the rest of my life.

second and third thoughts are also variations of my first thought.

i feel so sad? to know that mulder has (or thinks he has) lived these horrific past lives, and that he is reunited with the same people over and over again, to learn and lose them. and that scully was there with all of them- but so was melissa, and he said that soulmates are eternal, so if that is true he lost his for this life. and he said he was so tired, so tired... how can he escape the eternal cycle of samsara?

and scully, watching all of this- what did she mean when she said that he wasn't responsible for anything but himself? was it an insult? was she begging him? what was she feeling when she heard him talk about her being there in his past? was she trying to hurt him in their conversation in the car? will they ever actually be able to see eye to eye? does she believe him? can she? how does hearing all of this shake her own faith?

can you have many soulmates that come with you again and again, just in different forms? so would his soulmates be scully, and his mother and father and sister, and this melissa figure? and what are the implications of losing a soulmate in this world? is that a life of feeling that something is missing, until death? do they shuffle roles, but come again and again? is that comforting or horrific? are we to believe him?

and that terrible, terrible ending, him finding the bodies... how are we supposed to interpret that? just more grief on top of already endless grief? or are we supposed to see the poetry moment as an answer to a question that provides relief, even if it is bittersweet?

why did he want to know so badly? was he driven by duty to save? duty to find the Truth? duty to protect his loved ones and seek cosmic answers? are these separate things, or are they all intertwined in him?

i'm... really going to have to think this one over. i would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, as well. i wish i had a solid interpretation. it was very serious and sad, and it was bittersweet but filled with grief. i once again echo my earlier request for fluff. but how do you go back to the way things were once he says she was with him in every life? how does scully rationalize that? what are they to each other?

i'm pondering. it feels like something has shifted. and you can't go back now, even if i can't pinpoint what it is that changed.

i want to go back to daydreaming about apple cider dates. but it feels like you can't, you know? huh.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Man, in Halsins confession he is SO "I follow my heart wherever it goes, I go wherever nature wills me. Before we start anything you must know I don't want to take you away from anyone else, I don't want to stop you from being with other people or going wherever you go and you cannot stop me from being what I am"

So the very good communication, clear statement: I want a non exclusive connection with you where we share our bodies together but don't try to control each other's paths/decisions/relationships

And its like oh! That's cool. You're straight up, and this sounds like just a physical addition to our friendship, no strings attached, alright. He WAS clear that he sees love and sex as different (I've had many lovers but my heart does not stir easily, it stirs now) so he IS clear he has real feelings but it's presented fairly casually? And very like 'no big deal if you don't feel the same!"

But then you sleep with him.

And oh my GOSH I can't be the only one who saw that man fall HEAD OVER HEELS IMMEDIATELY. And be like, super insecure about it as well as super upfront? The dichotomy is intense!

He NEVER assumes you're going to choose him or want to be around him any more than usual, and seems genuinely grateful and surprised every time you do. It's like he was setting himself up to be a side piece whether you were in a relationship with someone else or not when this started BUT

He ALSO is very very open about his feelings. "My heart. My love. I was lost until you pulled back the veil." And many many more deeply, deeply felt words. He's in love, AND he kind of assumes this whole thing is temporary.

I say that because of his ending. He says he's leaving, and he's clear the way he was in the beginning - no matter his feelings, he goes where nature wills. So there's consistency there. But he is GENUINELY surprised and DELIGHTED if you say you want to come with him.

My analysis is that he never once let himself believe that he COULD have something more with the PC. He never changes who he is, he's always upfront- if he wants to take another lover at Sharess Caress or bang a friend he has that right and he genuinely wants the PC to do the same if that's what they want too, he doesn't want to get in the way and he doesn't want anyone getting in his way. But. But

His heart does not stir lightly. And it does now

I don't think he's fallen in LOVE in a long time, and he can't believe he's going to commitment from a partner, he thinks he's just going to get a taste of you before you move on.

Being Polyamorous doesn't mean not having dedicated partners, it means not trying to stop your partner from doing what they want. It means being free to sleep with others, and to not stop your partner from leaving if they choose to go elsewhere. The way he words it in the beginning sounds like he means " if passions fade you move on, you follow your heart where it leads"

He just never expects YOUR heart to lead to him

And when it does, he is so, so surprised and grateful and lucky and honored.

He's such a complex character and so different from how I've seen romances shown in video games, movies, books so far I really like him.

[triptychgardener]

Hello sorry if this is a bother but I am asking in good faith where is the reading for transmasc nepeta. I’m asking this cuz of your last ask (the June one) and I see aradia Dirk and Jane. Thoes all I have seen post and analysis about. But I have not really seen anything about nepeta.

Okay so first thing you gotta understand is that gender in Homestuck, for lack of a better way to say it, can be understood in how characters reflect and relate to each other. That being said to understand Nepeta's gender, we gotta understand the gender of at the very least one other person.

Dave.

And more specifically.

Davepeta, Homestuck's very own first(ish) trans character.

Davepeta is noted to be a sort of platonic ideal of existence for both Dave and Nepeta. Somehow, through a strange series of cosmic coincidences, these two end up making an odd sort of parallel. Both having a strange relationship to a man who loves him some goddamn horses. The whole Akwete Purrmusk thing. I mean, Dave canonically engaged in semi-nonironic furry roleplay with Nepeta offscreen, and given what we know about what becoming a furry in Homestuck means, it's not a leap to describe this as their ideal form.

But, although we don't see a lot of Nepeta's character arc, we do see a lot of Dave's. He struggles his whole life under an incredibly oppressive masculine force (both of Bro and, indirectly, Lord English), and once the game is over ends up deconstructing and largely rejecting that.

So when Davesprite, who's also probably been thinking about this for even longer, bereft of purpose or identity, finds a kindred soul in a spunky catgirl... well the rest is Davepeta.

And similarly, there are points in the story where Nepeta acts kind of uncomfortable with how others see her as exclusively something to be protected. The whole "Dear, sweet, precious Nepeta" grates on her early on, as Equius uses it as an excuse to control her actions. The whole of moiraillegience as it is originally explained (i.e. one party helps to calm down an especially brutal and violent person from outbursts of anger, and in turn that person will protect the more docile, even-tempered soul from external harm) even kind of FEELS like the way heterosexual relationships are portrayed in a lot of conservative spaces, where women are nuturers and caretakers while men are protectors. And Nepeta is supposed to, in this situation, be the person who helps Equius manage his emotions, which she feels some consternation at!

Now, over the course of Hivebent, their relationship appears to evolve and get a bit more balanced, but it still carries these overtones of "I will protect you, and you will handle my outbursts." Notably, when Equius goes to seek the Highb100d, and leaves Nepeta behind.

And of course not after roleplaying as each other.

Which. I mean come on.

But notably, Nepeta doesn't just stay put! She doesn't really want to be protected all the time! And when push comes to shove, she leaps out to defend, or at the very least avenge, her best friend.

And then, we don't really see Nepeta for a while!

Until we get to the end of the comic.

During their whole "date", Nepeta seems a little uncomfortable with Jasprose's affections. She may be a bit flattered, but Jasprose also fully admits later that she was frankly looking for any girl she could fall in love with after the tragic death of her girlfriend and possible more tragic untimely resurrection.

But then the pivotal handshake happens, and we get to see who is perhaps the most happy being in all of Homestuck.

Then we get into some of the only actual discussion of gender in Homestuck. We don't get much besides that, for both of their lives, Dave and Nepeta both felt something was missing. Something felt wrong that they couldn't quite place that made them both miserable. I don't think it's a massive stretch to say this could be gender dysphoria.

And when they combine, they feel the fullness of the gendered experience they were missing, melded together like a two-piece puzzle.

Now while the abovementioned "strong identities as a boy and a girl" might throw you off, I would point to what Victoria Lacroix said about this passage: note the lack of the word "respectively." I rest my case.

Now full disclosure, my personal headcanon for Nepeta is genderfluid transmasc. The whole affinity for roleplaying lends itself to a more shifting identity and I just think Nepeta, given more time, would love exploring the little nooks and crannies of gender.

This isn't going into the more complicated shit with Gender when it comes to Equius and Dirk and all that other stuff. Here's a quick summary so you can see exactly how my brain is broken.

Anyways, thanks for the question! I hope I answered my thoughts on the topic adequately! If other people have more to say about this, please feel free to add on!

[devisopod]

Book of Bill Ramblings

If you don't want spoilers, I'd suggest you stop reading before the cut. This'll contain quotes from the book! I've avoided content and conversation about this thing like the plague, so I'm going in blind. This is gonna be a wall of text if you're on mobile. Have fun, if you're into that.

I'm gonna solve the ciphers by myself, so they won't be included here, it's more fun that way! This is all just my "analysis" or whatever you wanna call it.

|| PREFACE

I am an adult. I'm not here to argue or debate with anyone about the content of this book! I'm simply sharing my personal breakdown, so these opinions and statements are in no way meant to be taken as "the right way" to look at it. They're how I alone choose to view the text! I'm open to discuss it, if you want, like sane and civilized people. Heated arguments or grumblings fueled by the discontent that someone doesn't buy into the way YOU'RE perceiving a work of fiction is unwelcome.

Now.

Before I even had the book in my hand, I knew how I wanted to approach this. I had to keep in mind this is all meant to be written by the worst character in the series (from a narrative standpoint), and he isn't supposed to be pitied. So seriously obvious, I know, but it's THE most important factor to circle back to given ANY tidbit of information.

Since this is his point-of-view, which is such a skewed perspective to begin with, it's ultimately bound to be manic (and god was it). He's everything we already know him to be: out of his mind, a compulsive liar, a pro at manipulation, and literally so self-important. That's what makes it difficult to trust whether or not things that happened (or didn't happen) will be altered by his unstable state of mind.

I think I'd even go as far as to say that he's delusional in a lot of ways. No matter how smart he thinks he is, or objectively is, he's a highly flawed individual that is constantly sabotaging himself. And what's more, he doesn't CARE. Bill, while driven in his own right, is highly apathetic unless events or actions directly impact him significantly and negatively.

INITIAL AND UNCATEGORIZED THOUGHTS:

- Holy shit, it's like Bill prides himself on being some sort of "all-knowing" being, but he's really just a fat gossip.

- Bill says it and stresses it multiple times in this book that not only is reality not under your control, but you don't understand it. Only he understands it, and you're just too dumb. Nothing is real. But the universe is a hologram, and everything is also a multiverse. Dennis and Kyle hold our existence in a binder.

- As suggested, he is quite literally feeding you lies, and he's having fun doing it.

- So, Bill's kind of dead, but not really. He's existing in a "half life" state. "Descending through circles, battling demons, reliving [his] whole life... somewhere far away... where the music is always out of tune. Where everyone smiles but no one is happy". Sounds like a mall lmao.

Okay, we'll get into it. My back hurts.

1 || "SIXER, IT WOULD EAT YOU ALIVE."

Let me just start this by saying that Bill sees Ford as a possession. He spent a lot of time grooming him, so he feels HEAVILY entitled to Ford in an "I made you" sort of way. Which is just about as messed up as you'd expect it to be! Bill EXPECTS Ford to be okay with this and even functions under the assumption that Ford wants to belong to him, which is very likely a stem from how open to the relationship Ford was at the beginning. He's constant in sharing that he's grateful for Bill's influence and that it's made his life so much better.

That aside, Bill is repeatedly suggesting to the reader that people that hate him actually love him a lot. And it's so likely that some twisted line of love and being used was blurred between these two. I've said it before and I'll say it again: sharing a mind and a body with a seemingly god-like being is going to fuck you and your perspective UP, I don't care who you are.

After all, "the more people love you, the more brainwashed sheep you can bend to your whims! So CONQUERING HEARTS is one of the most important things you can do!"

While, Ford is an immensely strong-willed individual, he's so very weak to Bill's manipulation because Bill knows EXACTLY what he wants to hear. He's been learning and planning for this kind of thing for a very, very long time and using countless others to do so. So, his false loyalty and promises, though really suspicious to anyone else, appeal to Ford's ego and subconcious because they're specifically catered to him.

And this is where Bill thrives. He is extremely efficient at finding the selfishness within others and exploiting it because he is selfish. He doesn't care what happens as long as he reaches his goal. Any pain along the way isn't gonna be his, so why not just relax and enjoy it? And he's found his match: a "brilliant, morally ambiguous, and romantically challenged" individual. To him, Ford fits the bill (no pun intended), and no dumb Shaman is gonna scare him off this one. It's all a trick to keep him away from advancing his portal plans, right?

He emphasizes his excitement at the prospect of Ford's potential as a pawn by saying, "This is what a partner looks like. The ego of a king. The insecurity of a circus freak. And totally isolated from anyone who might steer him clear of my plans."

He's impressionable and gullible enough to follow him blindly in the name of discovery and arguably as a result of his alienation in the odd town that is Gravity Falls.

And that's where I think Bill's influence should be addressed. Bill's been whispering in Ford's ear, making his life easier, and "fixing" his problems by offering solutions that HE would use. That's the scary part, I think. Bill uses so many different types of flattery, even gives Ford a lot of confidence that he needs, which really feeds into Ford's trust.

2 || GUYS WITH BIG BRAINS GET ON MY NERVES

After seeing Stan on TV, selling the "Grifter", Ford starts to seem like he's having second thoughts about maybe calling Stan up. Bill is, naturally, quick to shoot this down by convincing him it's a waste of time.

With both Stan and Fiddleford, we see Bill kind of steering Ford away. It's clear Ford wants to be around both of them, but as Bill has already suggested, he wants to keep this one isolated. Ford's attention should ONLY be on him and the work that needs to be done. He's not gonna make the same mistakes he made with his previous puppets.

It's unclear whether Bill complicates things on purpose or not, but he certainly isn't interested in making them better.

As far as the relationship between Ford and Fiddleford is concerned (whether you view it as brotherly, romantic, or platonic), I think it had a lot of potential to bring Ford away from Bill, but Ford is just not equipped to be a solid and reliable partner at this stage of his life. He's too focused, too full of himself, and really desperate to fill the hole Stan left. Or maybe not desperate enough.

I've made this point before and I'll make it again: the vast majority, if not all of, the heavy lifting in the dynamic between Ford and Fiddleford IS DONE BY FIDDLEFORD. He is a very caring and loyal person, very much to a fault in this situation.

The Christmas gifts he makes Ford are very personal. Ford means a lot to Fiddleford, so much so that he doesn't see his family often and chooses to help with the research. Whether or not Fiddleford and Emma-May were already having issues can't be judged based on the information given, but it's possible that it plays a part in his absence. It seems like the most likely possibility to me, though. Fiddleford doesn't seem the type to just forget about something like that, especially exhibiting such a friendly and kind demeanor, so I'm willing to bet they were already having problems.

Ford, as I see it, very rarely goes out of his way to do things for Fiddleford, though. However, I will give him props for being good enough to cheer Fiddleford up after he returns from his family.

What I will say, is that Ford relies on Fiddleford a great deal, and I'm not entirely sure how healthy that is. Fiddleford is Ford's ONLY real friend, and definitely the only one not feeding him questionable advice.

Therapy.

3 || CUCKOO CLOCK

Therapy, right? Yeah.

Anyway, Bill REALLY gets after Ford when the whole portal thing goes south. And that's sure to be a hell of a time. Ford is put through immense pain physically and mentally during it all, and wow does it actually sound horrifying. Even during this aggressive and desperate scramble to get Ford to do his bidding, Bill is beating Ford down and trying his best to use his hardships against him while also trying to convince Ford that he needs Bill. He's got nobody else.

He tries everything: sabotage, threats, you name it. Even though Ford doesn't realize his wrongs entirely here, he still knows he has to do something to rectify all that he's done. And boy, does he wanna kill that triangle.

He even loses his mind just a little bit more about this time, grasping at straws and realizing how bad he fucked up.

But now, we skip ahead. Things are better. All that's passed.

The ending of this book was about as satisfying as I imagined it would be. The Pines family. Simple and clean. A thoughtful message from Ford, and some inserts from Mabel, Dipper, and Stan. Stan's message is probably my favorite, and rightfully so.

These four are what it's all about to me. Each sibling has the other, and they're all happy. Bill can't touch them anymore, no matter how much this book of his tries. They're smarter than he is, and it's because they don't intend to be divided by him ever again.

[yuurei20]

Hi there! Quick question, How does Idia feel about Leona?? to me, they have such weird dynamic. They don't like each other but they don't outright hate each other either, but sometimes it feels like they're totally fine with each other?? Is this just a respect thing??

Hello hello!! This gets into character analysis which is definitely not my strength, so I reached out to one of the most knowledgeable Idia-analyzers I’ve ever seen ( @frost__tw ) who was so kind as to collaborate with me on this response, and I am forever grateful ♡

Also: agreed! Their dynamic is particularly fascinating because they are both complete opposites and extremely similar, simultaneously:

Both are housewardens, near the same height, canonically attractive, unusually intelligent, very sarcastic, enjoy chess, are from important families, keep others at a distance, often complain about having to go out of their way to do things they are uninterested in, have brother issues and won’t put effort into things they have predetermined to be impossible, which ties directly into how they are trapped in situations they can’t do anything about due to the circumstances of their birth.

And we also have their recently introduced titles (on JP server): “Ambitious King” and “King of the Underworld.”

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly how Idia feels about Leona, possibly because he doesn’t know very much about him (which is possibly because Leona doesn’t want him to).

During Book 6 he assumes that Leona isn’t suited to a leadership role, for example, despite how people who actually spend time with Leona say otherwise.

The two overlap in Idia’s second birthday vignette, where Leona gifts him with an artisanal chess set and the two pause the interview to play together.

They seem to mutually agree not to mention who won the game, and it may have been a draw.

We see Idia categorize people and generalize them into character tropes (from anime/manga/games) throughout the game, and based upon Leona’s appearance/outward behavior, Idia may labeling him as the scary top boss of the Savanaclaw hooligans (re: their Halloween vignette together) in his mind.

But he is able to overcome his initial flight response in this birthday vignette once Leona procures the chess set (one of Idia’s personal interests).

(This is part of the reason why Idia’s stutter is such an important part of the character: he stutters when he panics, but then speaks smoothly when he becomes passionate, which the characters even comment on in the game (Ortho calls it his "go off switch" on EN, and his "heat up switch" on JP).)

(Recreation of this trait varies by scene on EN.)

Leona is difficult to read because he will insult the people he likes and respects just as readily as he does those he does not (something that we see Jamil come to understand in real time during Book 6), so trying to work out his true opinion about anything can get into conjecture.

They also do not overlap particularly often, which gives us less to work with, but his teasing of Idia in the birthday vignette is not dissimilar to his teasing of characters like Jamil and Vil. Whereas they understand Leona’s humor, however, Idia may not.

What we know for a fact is that Leona has canonically complimented Idia for being both intelligent and powerful during Spectral Soiree, and this may have been a parallel to Terror is Trending when, extremely impressed by Savanaclaw’s Halloween set, Idia asks, “Did Leona use his magic for it?”

Idia also comments on Leona’s power during his evaluations at STYX, saying, “I already knew Leona was tough and could handle whatever danger comes at him…”

I think you are correct, and it is a respect thing!

They are both aware of the other’s familial situations and strengths and, in any other circumstances, they might get along well. But their personalities are just too different, they frustrate each other in every conversation they have, and whatever positives the other person has might just not be enough to outweigh how obnoxious they find the other to be.

We learn from Vil that the rule at NRC is “the weak obey the strong,” and the Housewardens at NRC seem to take this literally, with Idia, Leona and Vil all being constantly torn between sincere annoyance and grudging respect. The three referring to others as “spudlings,” “normies” and “herbivores” is another interesting overlap that they share.

(Despite being even more different than Leona and Idia, Leona and Vil repeatedly find common ground in allying against Idia.)

(In a parallel to this, Leona and Idia find common ground on the subject of Malleus, with Leona saying, “It’s a pain when the majority forces their opinion on you,” which is an opinion Idia seems to share.)

Thank you so much for this question, it was wonderful to dive into!

Overall, Leona and Idia seem to share a mutual undertone of “I know you’re the best at what you do, but I can’t stand you. I acknowledge that you’re intelligent, capable and talented, but please go be that somewhere else,” which ties directly into a comment from Yana’s 2023 interview:

“Since the characters in the story are villains they do not admit defeat, but they will admit, ‘Hey, you did pretty good.’ Even if they don’t like each other, they will recognize each other’s abilities.”

(And thank you again to @frost__tw for all the amazing insight! ♡)

[karlachismylife]

Comrades what the fuck we're over 100 subscribers-

I have unleashed the power (of furry) I am afraid of

But on a serious note, oh my god, THANK YOU??? I didn't think my silly little self-indulgent hyena cuddle fantasy will gather so much people, but oh well we're here, we're rolling... happy whoop to every hyena in vicinity??

I don't really know what to do, cuz just a few days ago I started my 30 subs celebration, and I got literally one request, and now I'm just... what do we do next lol?

Anyway I'll have to take time to figure some celebration out, so in the meantime y'all are VERY WELCOME to send requests for the Thirty Frames a Second celebration and/or the hyena 141 au. Send in literally anything, I'll find a way to make it work! Honestly I'm just glad that there's still a place for me and my silly little fics among some writer chads here with their darkfics and deep psycological character analysis and everything...

I know I'm probably incapable of writing deep stuff, so I'm just incredibly grateful to have people to share my lightweight fluff with.

Also I'll be like over the moon happy if you check out some other stuff in my masterlist, especially Karlach x Soap related since this all started with them and I'll always come back to them.

^ that's me looking as my notifications keep blowing up as if my scottish meow meow chucked a ton of explosives there (in a way he did, lol)

[marshmallowprotection]

What are your thoughts on the new Cg? Butler Saeran? I’m not use to the him nor Jumin and Zen with glasses. But they look good

Normally, I would do a lengthy analysis post about the image, but there isn’t much here for me to analyze! I do want to write something for the anniversary that I will try to get out before the end of the month, but it's not going to be tacked onto an image analysis since there isn't much for me to say here other than point out a few Easter eggs. 

I got what I wanted. Jaehee in a tuxedo. This is what I manifested at the start of the month and I am grateful that we not only got her in a maid outfit, we got her in a butler outfit, too. Jaehee stans, you have won and she is front and center! This is her moment and she is killing it. I feel the need to stare at her for a little while because it's cute and there's no way I'm going to let this moment pass me by without really appreciating Jaehee aesthetically.

I'll be honest, I don't know why the recent trend has been to make our boy Yoosung super clumsy. He's never really been a clumsy guy and I don't know where someone got the idea that Yoosung isn't on top of what he's doing. I will agree in saying he's probably the easiest person to bully in the entire universe because he's sweet and gullible, but he isn't clumsy, and yet, every image we've gotten of him this year other than his birthday image has had him busting his ass on the ground in one way or another.

Does ANYONE know why they're bullying Yoosung this bad? I mean, he's really cute here and I appreciate that he's trying his best to really impress the MC, but c'mon, give him a break.

I did not realize how badly I needed Jumin in glasses. Jumin's already a very handsome person but somehow adding glasses really elevates it here for some reason. I don't know how his vibe has enhanced for me but it has. I wear glasses myself and I always have, so it's nice to see the characters in glasses in official artwork because I'm always super curious to see how they would look. It's working for Jumin, that I can tell you.

I like that his hair isn't as neat and tidy as it usually is, too.

I fear they have slayed. Saeyoung and Zen are dazzling in their own right and I can't remember the last time they were drawn side by side but I think it's been a little while.

I've already noticed many people have pointed out that Saeyoung is wearing a ring. It's a little bit silly that he's wearing it over his glove, but I have to admit that is something he would do if this were his timeline. He is proud of the fact that he gets to live in this world, and he's even happier to know that he has somebody by his side who understands him more than anyone else. He's definitely that guy who doesn't stop talking about his partner because he's so in love. 

Zen with roses is something I've come to expect because he's also a traditional romantic. Red roses are the best way to captivate someone with your love and it’s no surprise that he follows that path. It might seem a little cliche but who is he if not somebody who loves romantic cliches? He is that guy who would watch romcoms with you all day long regardless of your relationship status with him, he just gets it.

I don't know how I feel about him wearing glasses since he doesn't seem like a glasses guy, but maybe if I saw him in sunglasses I might be able to rationalize this better. He's wearing a stylized pair here and I think it's the gold that's throwing me off. If it was silver, I don't think I would feel as perplexed by how I feel because silver fits him better as that's typically what he chooses for himself.  

Controversial thing to say every time I say it, but I have to tell you guys that Jihyun is still my third favorite character in the game, and I really don’t mind when Saeran and V are drawn together. I recognize that they do this because those two are tied together as the leads of Another Story, just as the core five, meaning Yoosung, Zen, Jaehee, Jumin, and Seven are drawn together.

But, to me, seeing Jihyun with everyone makes me feel like there is a timeline where V did the right thing for everyone and asked for help at the first sign of trouble instead of continually shooting himself in the foot. A lot of the art that's drawn with V included is self-indulgent and can only exist as true fanservice because it would never be true in most routes of the game. 

Normally, I would expect him to look exasperated in art like this but he seems to be fairly confident which is a good change for Jihyun. I’ll take it! 

I have no idea what they're doing here, did they choreograph a song and dance? They aren't the most coordinated members of the group so that makes me want to laugh. It's sweet, but I have a huge feeling they're going to trip over each other if not on their own feet. Saeran is as cute as always, I could talk about him for hours.

Seeing him as a butler always takes me back to when Ray said he would be happy to be your butler in a huge mansion. That was utterly indicative of the fact he was willing to become subservient to you if it meant you would stick around. That’s what the first bad ending is all about. Unfortunately, he thought so poorly of himself that he would be willing to make himself nothing more than something for you to push around if that's what you wanted. 

At least, in this context, he's doing it because he wants to make you happy, sure, but it's not something he's doing to make sure you stick around, he knows you'll still be there no matter what because he doesn't have to work himself to the bone to prove he's worthy of your companionship. 

I don't know if anybody picked this up but the painting is in homage to the anniversary image from two years ago. Rika was in the painting that time, and this time around, it's MC.

I do think it's worth noting that they are playing with light and dark imagery which is to be expected in a game that takes a lot of cues for religious imagery. Rika and MC are always bathed in white and black, light and dark, true contrast.

They're both wearing a dress that goes off of the shoulders, the only difference being the color and the style. MC has a more sleek pattern and Rika is bathed in ruffles. Rika’s seems to be more constrained and MC’s a little more loose around the edges. MC is free to make choices one way or the other by pushing outward, and Rika makes choices that go against her best interest as she pulls inward. I think another CG that plays on this is the BE from V Route.

Love her or hate her, there are important parallels at play here. 

In conclusion, Rika has always been like this in official art and I don't know what to tell you.

[idonthaveany]

What if the plot was entirely saved?

As I recently decide that my new mission is to spread positiveness after the news of the shortening of the season't like I didn't have a chemistry test tomorrow, and like I had already begun to study for it, I'll begin with this little ""analysis"" (ok, no, it's really not an analysis, I've no idea how to call it)

So, I've been rewatching GO for the I-don't-know-how-manyth time -- as every normal human being does -- and I noticed a thing: it is veeeeeeeeery slow. Don't get me wrong, I like this a lot. But this might be an asset having to fit 6 eps in the time equivalent of 2. I noticed, especially in S2, that there are a lot of scenes that, had them been made, let's say in a different style, they could have conveyed the same plot point in a shorter time, without even losing that much. This for lot of scenes, regarding side characters especially. So -- while I'm not going to say that "90 minutes and 6 episode are the same," nor that I wouldn't prefer 6 slower eps had I had a choice; so please don't hate me just yet -- I think that if the 90 minutes, feature length episode finale movie is written in a different, faster style (actually just as fast as an average movie is enough), most of the original plot might actually be fitted into the Grate blasted time limit. Yeah, I know, something will still get lost, and objectively the screen time will be shorter (and this is the moment when you say "no? Really? Thank you, we didn't get that it would be shorter!!"), and I too am sorry for that

But let's not despair too much about losing plot points, and you know what? Also for losing all those moments of, let's say, subplot (I'm not sure which one is the actual subplot anymore, tho) 'cause I'm sure that a good writer can manage to keep most of them in the new script!

So I think it's fair to assume that what is going to change is more the pace than the story!

Hence I think that after all we'll still see the story as it was intended, Pratchett's story and his ending, which is why I'm warning you already: don't go and think that Aziraphale and Crowley are going to save the world! They will probably just happen to be in the right place at the right time to find out who to thank for the world not ending again, and for sorting out the M25-like chaos they will create in their attempt to stop the second coming! Alas both the book and S1 teach us that very clearly

[dendrophalaen]

my thoughts on godzilla minus one

tl;dr i had a religious experience (positive) and it may be my new favorite godzilla movie

i'm going to try to organize my thoughts lmao i have never done a film analysis or review

story

i went in knowing next to nothing, so i was very afraid this was going to be heavy on the imperialist propaganda and reminiscing on the "good old days" of the japanese military

however i was pleasantly surprised to see that it was quite anti-government :]

loved the delivery of the themes of "all lives being precious" and "living on for yourself as well as for the sake of others" – not hammy or blunt!

FORESHADOWING OF THE EJECTION SEAT? chef's KISS we love picking up what the movie is putting down and getting to see the payoff

speaking of foreshadowing:

dr. noda: [takes noriko's picture]

me: oh no she's going to die

i spent like the last quarter of the movie with a headache because i was clenching my teeth and holding in tears after noriko's death ("death") AND koichi planning to blow himself up and orphan akiko

and all the ex-navy guys rallying together to defeat godzilla

i am not immune to classic story beats

semi-related i thought noriko would be covered in radiation burns, but then i realized a depiction of that would probably be insensitive

also the guys measuring radiation in plastic costs? come on now i know we weren't fully educated in the risks of radiation but there must've been some sort of better ppe

characters

i enjoyed like every character which is rare for me in a godzilla film

koichi just can't catch a break. this man gained so much trauma in a short amount of time, like he doesn't have ptsd because the trauma is ONGOING. i think he's my favorite and it's very easy to root for him

his introduction is of him as a shaky baby-faced pilot and then you find out he was supposed to be a kamikaze pilot like goddamn

i liked noriko's assertiveness ("hey i'm staying in your house now :)") and her ability to see kindness in koichi and sumiko

her struggle of wanting to become independent is very relatable. you could see the bittersweetness in her eyes showing that she felt guilty yet grateful for koichi's support........

i was surprised how quickly sumiko agreed to taking care of akiko? but it makes sense since she was (is) a mother and could not bear to see another child suffer, and akiko gave her life a new purpose

i would've liked more focus on the female characters and i don't think it's fair to just blame it on the era :playdead:

i really liked the chemistry between dr. noda, captain akitsu, and mizushima

dr. noda in particular felt like a nice foil/parallel to serizawa from the 1954 movie; he's also a scientist but he's much more personable(?)/"human"

dr. serizawa was my favorite in 1954 but he was very anguished and set on making reparations by killing godzilla (and koichi could be a parallel to him in that regard)

noda focused on protecting the living, not avenging the dead

ough mizushima. being a Youth who feels useless sure hits home

i'd say tachibana is my least favorite just by comparison to everyone else, but he's honestly so valid for his whole deal

visuals and sound

very elegant color grading, costuming, and set design!

i don't know film girl help

GOOD SOUNDTRACK the music set the scenes so well

i joked about getting my eardrums blasted by godzilla but he really was that loud. as he should be

godzilla (design, abilities, etc)

SWEET JESUS THIS IS THE SCARIEST GODZILLA BY FAR

godzilla: [shows up in the first 10 minutes with blair witch shaky cam]

me: the filmmakers are not messing around they mean BUSINESS

the rampage on odo island was rightfully terrifying

i love his texture and face. the scrunkliness of heisei with the horrifying pain of shin

i think his head is a bit small for his body, like if it was 5% bigger it would be perfect

loved the visuals of his scales flaking off after getting bombed

the nuclear fallout when he used his atomic breath in tokyo was awe-inducing

great use of godzilla as a war allegory

i saw the movie in d-box so the shotgun-blast of heat ray was intense

also coolest godzilla death. sick decapitation

the plan to imprison him in bubbles and give him the bends felt a bit silly in the moment but highlighted how desperate everyone was for ANYTHING to work

really liked how godzilla was more like an animal or unstoppable force of nature without a clear motive

i mean the only emotion you could ascribe is probably RAGE

sidenote i did think it was a lil funny whenever an object was flung through the air from offscreen. there goes godzilla having another tantrum

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi, I know it's been a while but it's allo (autistic? unsure what tag to use) anon here again. I just wanted to say congratulations on the project! I showed it to my girlfriend and she was really happy, when it comes out we will definitely read it together. I am proud to see you doing new and exciting things, and I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors! You're doing amazing already and I look forward to seeing you continue on whatever path you want to take with your creative work :)

Sorry I didn't message again sooner, things in real life have been... a lot. I still try to check this blog when I can. Your art is still adorable, and I also wanted to say thank you for your comics about fandom and the stuff that people say to aro/ace people. As someone who is very invested in media analysis(TM) and fandoms, I have noticed some behaviour that is really weird and uncomfortable, and it's good to see other people speaking out about it.

Also, not to decenter your experience, but the comic about labels really hit home for me. When I first got diagnosed it explained so much about my struggles and why I felt the way I did. It was groundbreaking to understand that I wasn't just a broken person or full of character flaws, but that things like sensory issues were just part of being who I am. I don't know if you meant it this way, but I really love the yellow colour of the thought bubbles and the little flowers. I know some people say it's pathologizing or too restrictive to cling to labels so much, but it really is a relief to be given something that helps you understand yourself and feel so much less alone. I am glad you were able to find your identity and community. It's so cool that now you get to make those posts, and probably reach others!

I just wanted to pop in again and say I love your stuff, and it's so cool to see other people loving and engaging with it too. I hope you have a wonderful day/night, passe une bonne journée/nuit <3

P. S. I hope that's how you say it, I'm using google translate.

Heyyyy!!^^ Thank you so much for reaching out again and for all the encouragement and support! I hope you and your girlfriend are doing OK^^ And please don't apologize for not reaching out for a while, I'm happy whenever you do at all but it's very fair to have a lot going on otherwise! If anything I hope things are a bit easier now, so to speak.

Also don't worry about decentering my experience by sharing yours when you relate! I'm a big believer in intersectional discussion, I think people from marginalised groups could benefit a great deal from standing together to defend common interests, and if we can relate to each other's experiences in some way even just a little, although we know and acknowledge they're all different, I'm sure we can go a long way. So I sincerely appreciate you sharing, honestly!! (I'm also really grateful you liked the way I graphically conveyed it, that is a challenge in and of itself^^)

Again, thank you so much for all the positive feedback and support, and thanks for taking the time to add some French in as well, very kind of you^^

Hope you have a great day ahead!

[megabuild]

can i ask for ur life series impulse thoughts again because the spirit (bdubs DL watchthrough) is haunting me again. like he doesn't do anything too awful but like. what is his deal man.

hi liau. its very funny to me you are not the first and will probably not be the last to ask me what traffic!impulse's problem is, because i seriously never talk about it or give a remote shit about him, and every time i DO talk about him i am constantly terrified an impulse main will come and get mad at me for being wrong, which i likely am. but anyway, i think you've very succinctly hit the nail on the head in your ask without even meaning it; that impulse's problem is that he doesn't do anything too awful.

3rd life and its sequels are series where all characters are at the very least morally grey. if you're doing analysis you have to take the situation somewhat realistically, and within that you must assume that while they are in a survival situation, they are still killing people or aiming to kill people, so there is never going to be a character who is completely exempt. then, above that, you have characters who closer resemble villains (though i wouldn't personally call them that) due to having more overtly "morally wrong" actions- eg. secret life scar, third life grian, limited life martyn, even last life bdubs. that isn't to say these characters are bad, but rather that their actions stretch a little further, be that due to betrayals, overzealousness, or mockery. and something special about 3rd life is that most of the time they own this. they lean into the villain role, or are self aware enough to recognise their actions are bad, but do it anyway; it gives them complexity! and in a survival game, you can understand why.

so, leading on from this, impulse's problem is precisely as you said: in a game of people who are willing to be awful, he isn't TOO awful, but is still awful enough that it grates. (full disclaimer though it should be obvious this is 100% his character- i don't know if the cc plays it like this intentionally or not, but i don't have any ill feelings towards him regardless.) frankly i think his issue is a total lack of self awareness in general that the others seem to have. impulse, beginning in 3rd life, is traitorous, an ally to all but friend to none, flitting between alliances with the goal of not committing to any of them. other characters do this, but imo they do it better- for example, etho is regularly shown as a character who is absent in his alliances, but often he doesn't pretend to be there, and it's less a goal with the expectation of betrayal but rather a part of his personality. martyn in both 3rd life and limited life is uncommitted to his alliances, but this has a satisfactory ending both times, where in 3rd life he eventually changes his mind to fight alongside ren, and in limited life where he snaps and kills his allies, eventually winning (which also ties into his longer-running lore with e&e quite well imo). impulse, on the other hand... does this okay in 3rd life, and his ending is actually very satisfying- struck down crying that bdubs was a traitor while being a traitor himself. the problem is that this continues on, even once he's moved past the idea of being a traitor, even after he commits to the southlands, into double life where he keeps. bringing it up. impulse's issue isn't that he's a bad guy, it's that he's just mildly annoying enough that it goes against the spirit of the game. in a game of people who own their villainy, not only does he not live up to being a villain, but he can't even own being a Slightly Awful guy, and that grates so much more.

ofc this creates an equally complex and interesting character to analyse but as the local bdubs enjoyer it just frustrated me to no end. a solid 70% of my issue with him probably rises instead from that, because while bdubs is also a pretty awful guy, the character at least seems to have a level of self awareness about it, knows what he wants and how to get it, and doesn't care if he has to tread on others or let himself be tread upon to get there. impulse just sort of... doesn't get that. he doesn't seem to actually act on anything, he just sort of... is. like how in double life he comments on bdubs' traitor behaviour but takes no steps to amend that or actually discuss it (likely because they're jokes from a cc perspective, but within universe, it takes a different meaning). i don't know. i really don't know man. how do i finish this post? i don't even know what the fuck i'm saying. did this make sense to anyone

[melrosing]

As your not a big fan of fantasy books in general. What drew you into loving asoiaf? What got you hooked?

now that I'm invested in asoiaf I do genuinely like the fantasy elements of the story, but the stuff that really pulled me in was the human drama and political intrigue etc. I love the character work, almost all of the POVs feel fully realised and subvert typical tropes in really interesting ways (imo). I like the inter-generational drama (the reasons I like succession are v similar to the reasons I like the Lannisters), like if I want to understand Jaime and Cersei and Tyrion I can look to Tywin, and if I want to understand Tywin I can look to Tytos, and if I was to understand Tytos I can look to Gerold, like it's a russian doll of intergenerational trauma what more could a girl want.

and on that note I really like the scope! GRRM obviously feels this need to account for all details minor and major, so that even with everything that's already on the page there's room to extrapolate so much more. i mean here I am writing who knows how many words about a fake 20-episode long robert's rebellion tv series lol like this all happened before the series even starts and yet I hardly need to make anything up bc there is so much to draw on just based on all the random little details we've got here and there from characters reflecting on the same events from different angles, and trying to piece together portraits of the people who died based on the recollections of those on the page who remember them..... it is so fun)

and yeah usually I prefer to read about that kind of thing on a smaller scale but the drama that plays out in AGOT is so engaging that upon initiation I didn't find it so much of a chore to keep track of all the various houses and lands etc in order to understand the full implications of each thing that happened - it felt like it was worth the effort. generally it's the 'keeping track' of it all that I find grating about fantasy bc I really want to just get on with the story rather than keep on top of a hundred magic systems and sub-species of pixie.

and obvs asoiaf is low fantasy rather than high fantasy, i.e. there aren't intricate systems to the magic and or complicated genus for each of the creatures, so that made it feel a lot more accessible for me as someone who just isn't very interested in those kinds of details. Dany's magic is made up as she goes along, it's never explained, and that's the same for pretty much all the fantastical elements - it's very show don't tell. and even though when you count it all up there are quite a lot of fantastical features and subplots, taken together with the rest of the story it's more like.... seasonings I wouldn't usually choose but ended up liking just fine in this overall dish lol

and finally asoiaf just really appealed to me from a fannish perspective! I really hate when you're trying to dig deeper with a work and you quickly start to realise that the writer(s) just weren't thinking that hard. it feels like striking concrete with a spade, like it's a one-sided conversation rather than something both the writer and the reader are participating in. I think some fans are perfectly fine with that and good for them - who cares if the author built the work to sustain your analysis if you're just having fun doing it - but for me it's a complete killjoy, I end up v frustrated and like the work isn't worth my time

so here's GRRM who is so fixated on the finer details that he's churned out a history book like 700 pages long and a bunch of short stories and also another history book just to add a bit more texture to the main story. and I don't have to worry about network input or co-writers or actors' intentions or whatever other external conflict or influence cos for better or worse it's all his story. and that just suits me better lol, it's one guy and his shitty computer, and me reading the shit he wrote with it. pure and simple living in the moment no phones in sight

also jaime and brienne are everything to me xo

[prettyboykatsuki]

✮ this blog is 18+. i block minors and ageless blogs. yk the drill.

✮ please do not recommend me on any other platform, especially tiktok. i like to keep my mental illness contained

✮ every character i write is aged to be over 18 no matter what their canon age is, usually early 20's. if this makes you uncomfortable block me.

✮ putting dni if ur a bigot seems kinda pointless but ill block you if ur vibes r weird. terfs ESPECIALLY dont fucking interact you are not welcome here

✮ okay. the basics are out of the way. here's what else you need to know.

one ; i am a personal blog before im a writing blog. i post about my life and whatever i want. this is my diary and sometimes there's fanfiction in it. i shitpost like 100 times a day.

(this blog is in general, super disorganized. i have literally 30,000 posts. my bad)

two ; i post dark content frequently. im a gross freak so it's a lot of incest / yandere and dubcon / noncon will make the appearance as well. just block if you hate it but i will always tag with ___ cw (i.e. noncon cw, yandere cw, incest cw, stepcest cw)

three ; i am a top and a dom and i want to make men pregnant. i talk about it a lot. i am also a switch though so you'll see whatever im feeling at the time and it wont go tagged. sorry about that. just how it be.

four ; i get a lot of asks in a day (which im grateful for) but im only one person and responding makes me very tired so sometimes it takes a while. i also don't take requests.

five ; this is a big one but i am media critical and like analysis which means you will see me post a lot of meta about characters and worlds and my opinions about things. im pretty vocal about what strikes my mind so please approach with good faith

you're always welcome to disagree with me. im not infallible im just some guy with thoughts.

bonus ; any weird asks about my faith is an immediate block! it's only on my blog because it's a visible part of my identity!

i have other blogs you're welcome to follow.

@fang-wife - a general nsfw blog that you'll see me rb from sometimes.

@denji-s - my aesthetic blog

@bkgism - another nsfw blog but for more like not dom stuff lol

i also have a personal blog it is mutuals only. if u see another guy with my name its just me.

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Kokichi's fantasy (LHS analysis?)

I promised I would make a post about how I compromise my issues (which are easy to project onto Kokichi, for the most part they're already there) with his preferences. Some notes about the Love Hotel Suite itself first:

Shuichi assumes Kokichi's fantasy is going to be something crazy from the moment he gets there

he talks about trouble and being trapped by Shuichi, and Shuichi is confused about everything for a good portion of this, but the "Am I supposed to be chasing him?" and the immediate denial when Kokichi brings up torture, that he stands by even after being given the specific idea of bondage, and when Kokichi spells it out for him that he's talking about kinks. He only catches himself on that third denial, like wait, we shouldn't be arguing, I am supposed to go along with it, but he's just stumped by the idea of Kokichi wanting any of that, he can't make sense out of what is expected of him

and Shuichi's idea of playing along, getting in character, is to deny him again, he assumes Kokichi is saying all that as a distraction to rile him up and get away, he came to the conclusion that Kokichi wanting to submit has to be a ruse

then he's distracted from the honesty in "I was willing to let you do whatever you want to me" because of his name being used and he's again being distrustful "I can't help but think he means the opposite"

and that's when the switch happens "If you're not gonna do anything, then maybe I will."

"I stepped back reflexively. I had no idea what he was capable of..." he's no longer questioning the situation, now Kokichi is threatening to him and that aligns with how he sees him, so his reactions are no longer delayed

except, it's followed up by Kokichi telling him "no need to be scared" and that's again confusing Shuichi. "Having this kind of conversation only makes it harder to know why I am here..." idk, maybe if you didn't discard the time he told you straight up what he wanted as a lie

"Because you just do as you please, don't you, Kokichi?"

Kokichi: what if I wanted you to catch me? Shuichi: the most shocked gasp in the world. for some reason

after Shuichi's reaction doesn't satisfy him "I thought you would be more excited", he switches one more time, to the original plan "you can do whatever you want to me. And that's the truth.", just gives it a little push this time (literally), pretty ballsy that he even tried again, like, that's bold, and he's using that line on Shuichi's dead fish ass, Shuichi is giving nothinggg

the dissonance between "He pushed me hard on the bed." and "he sprinted toward the exit.", they way those are seconds apart.

"I'll think of a more exciting game for next time. So make sure you excite me too."

Actually, let's reference FTEs as well!

"I only act like a bad guy so you guys don't get too soft, y'know?" that line is interesting too, like yeah, it sums up the entire job he assigned himself in the game and he's throwing that at Shuichi immediately when approached, but also a pattern that keeps showing up, he plays a role that technically loses him credibility, but he's using it to control the situation, uses that subtle kind of manipulation that makes people think they're in control, or perhaps better than him, making their own choices

I am going to ignore Shuichi's attitude actually, for everyone's sake, especially mine

"Well, not as good as mine. I'll surprise you with a gift one of those days, Shuichi!" hmmm, am I reaching if I say that this is also kinda control freak behavior, cannot be indebted, cannot be bested like that, like this isn't just about reciprocation or gratefulness, it's I'll surprise you back and I'll do better

Kokichi: You wanna hang out with me? Hm, but I'm having a strategy meeting with Gonta right now. Gonta: Oh, then... Gonta can have strategy meeting later. AND YOU PEOPLE TRY TO SAY HE DOESN'T GET CUES, he knew where the priorities lay, doesn't need to be told, boss has to try to get some of that sheet cake

"Did you come to beg for your life?" tehehe "Get on the ground and beg like a dog!" kicking my feet even, and the comparison with other antags being condescending while he's just so. eager for it. even better

"I didn't see that one coming" but you know what's visible immediately when this choice is picked? That Shuichi gained a point, Kokichi can't help but be impressed by the rare moments when Shuichi is confident, he sees the man this thot could be

"Keep it interesting for me, kay?" be a good boy, Shuichi

and here it is, the reason I thought of including FTEs before considering salmon mode; "You only have three events left in your life, so you better entertain me until then!" and with the game they just played being rigged by him, that's four situations where he has something prepared for Shuichi, to simply put him in a situation that Kokichi devised, try to get Shuichi to understand, or at least remember him, but in a very specific, planned out way, welcome to control freak town

3rd event and "Then Gonta step aside like gentleman!" it happened again, I can't, Shuichi just came up to them, asked Kokichi to hang out and Gonta is pulling away before Kokichi can decide, this is sad actually, what about bros over hoes? what about the plan?

"Are we going to play more games today-" Nope, you're not allowed to predict shit, Shuichi. Perhaps he changed that one up, at least in order, just to subvert the expectation, or he expected that from Shuichi, it was pretty predictable, just like he could read from his face in the first fte

there is a lot more to point out about the FTEs that I will have to omit not to get sidetracked because the purpose of this is not full analysis, but of course, there is the iconic line "I reach out to him, but he doesn't take my hand. But in his own way... I think that helps me understand him a little." because you only get to hold his hand when he does the reaching out, it's his initiative, he's prepared for it, anything vulnerable or intimate has to happen on his terms, he's regulating the pace, he will run away or close in on himself if you push for it

and just to be throughout, the salmon mode before my conclusions:

okay, the reaction to comedy movie pick is a big one for the sub hc, this is exactly the kind of reasoning I see used to say why it'd be good for him

the Shuichi bullying continues, telling him to go to Tenko when he gets too bold, affirming what we already know about his walls being way up, he's not rushing into shit, he is not going to be disclosing anything vulnerable, no possible blackmail material, nothing casual, you're not learning his porn preference, Shuichi, you need to pass the five tests to hold his hand and enter the trust ranking where you can level up in your knowledge and privileges, you're not seeing him naked any time soon, don't even dream

(and it is not contradictory to say that they would fuck before establishing their relationship, talking about feelings can be a more difficult task than acting on them, and I love to see it, but like, canon universe Kokichi is definitely an inexperienced and manga inspired loser, so he will hold out on that, yearning until it explodes out of him)

finally, my part, so I just think that while Kokichi has the fantasy of submitting, he keeps it well hidden, as if it was one of those unrealistic kinks there's no point bringing up, because he can't bring himself to let go of control (and Shuichi, being as he is in canon, isn't showing much interest or capability to take over, really) he wants to work his way up to it, teases the idea, tries to get Shuichi to show more initiative, plans things out in hopes of tricking his brain into not activating the loss of control alarm, as he grows to trust Shuichi, he will learn to relax and let it go, eventually it'll stop being about control, "letting" something happen, no shifting power dynamics and vulnerability feeling like risking his life, it'll be simply reaching for pleasure together, in a cooperation that they managed to work out through learning each other's bodies and preferences.

but yeah, it's a long rocky road before they get there, and when they first get to intimacy they're both more comfortable with Kokichi taking the lead, it's easy, it doesn't require much discussing (and these bitches hate communicating like normal people), leaving the dynamic unchallenged but perhaps a little ungratifying, something that can't stay as is without eventually creating conflict, because Shuichi doesn't want to feel strung along and toyed with, but that's how it'll feel if Kokichi doesn't ease up his fearful grip on control, and he won't be happy either

[unforgivablego]

I hate it when people discount Aziraphale without understanding him as a character. Partly, it's more because people like to see bad guys doing good things. And if a demon saves children from death, it means more to them than if an angel did it, even if he lied to heaven and put himself in danger. Essentially: “he’s an angel, it’s in his nature to be kind, so what’s surprising?”

I'm not against Crowley. I like both characters, but I don't like how there are too many defenders of Crowley, while Aziraphale is constantly made into a villain. After the second season, they were generally credited with clear, disgusting images - a poor puppy suffering from unrequited love and a stupid angel who broke his heart. This superficiality is so annoying. As if only Crowley is feeling bad and only he is suffering, which means only he should be pitied.

My friend and I are currently watching a show where the bad guy who starts out doing terrible things becomes a sweetheart in the middle of the season 2. And I watch how she sheds tears from every good deed he does, as if she had completely forgotten what he did a couple of episodes ago. And I have to endure this with a mixture of misunderstanding and rejection: “Are you really serious?” There was literally a scene where a character consciously kills the main character's brother on purpose and then a couple minutes later says he's sorry. “See? He repents,” says a friend. As if that would change the fact that he killed a person (don't worry, the brother survived thanks to a lucky accident (killer doesn’t know it) but imagine if he actually killed him and then came to apologize). One good deed by a bad person always overshadows all other bad deeds, making him appear good.

Also, I think it's all about Tennant's popularity and his image as a demon. I have nothing against both, but often, if a bad character is played by a handsome sexy actor, the idol of millions and the owner of hearts, then he is loved more according to the standard. Just like in the series that my friend and I are watching now.

It’s annoying too how many people sometimes turn a blind eye to how “unkind” Crowley can be. Like, “you can forgive him everything because he once did a good deed.” I'm not saying Crowley is bad. No need to attack me with slippers. I'm talking about the tearful art that makes Crowley look broken and Aziraphale cold and cruel. I'm talking about hurt fanfiction, in which Crowley suffers more than me in the deepest depression (calm down already, seriously, I have enough suffering, give me a rainbow, fluff, romance and love). All these jokes about Aziraphale having to do an apology dance in the third season (despite this, I’m also looking forward to such a scene). Analysis on TikTok, where the angel is often called stupid and naive (the coffee theory just kills me, I fucking hate it).

Yes, I love memes. That's funny. Keep making jokes about the ineffable bureaucracy speed running their relationship in a year, while these idiots have gotten nowhere in 6,000 years. And about Nina and Maggie, the heads of the “Geordie Shore” program. About Metatwat, who got into the hands the Book of Life and he decided to shit us a disgusting fanfic. Carry on, I like it. But as long as these are jokes and not a hostile imposition.

There have already been so many quarrels about this. And all because people like one character more than another. And here we again return to the fact that we ourselves constantly separate them. We devalue one thing or another, and then hope for a happy ending.

This established clichéd system in the fandom is simply killing me. Therefore, I am grateful to every person who digs deeper than the sand sprinkled on top.

[littlemissclandestine]

hiyaa I saw your blog and I loved your Adler hc!!! I love you blog and pls keep doing more Cold War content! I want to know who’s your favorite ? Do u have an oc or which oc you like

Hello Anon! 💜

Hope you're happy and healthy, sweet.

Thank you ever so much!! That means so much to me! Feels so nice to know there's people out there that appreciate those hcs and my blog! Mwah 😘

As for Cold War content and churning that out, i've been obsessed with Russ since goddamn July last year when it was a free PS+ game 😭 so i don't think this obsession is going anytime soon and also will probably get worse when Black Ops Gulf War drops.

Long story short, when I first played the campaign, I hated it. Literally thought it was complete and utter garbage to be honest. It was far too short, the characters were underdeveloped, the story wasn't gripping for me etc. I chose the Duga ending first lmao bye Adler (the catharsis though) But i left it for a week...then things started to change. I kept thinking about Adler and I spiralled so fast 💀

So, in terms of who my favourite character is...i think you know the answer 😌 I literally have a character analysis of Adler on google docs that's just pure word vomit that I might release one day. But I also love Bell. The Adler and Bell dynamic is so beautiful yet so tragic. I could talk about it all day *sighs*. Each character has their own kind of skillsets and intrigue so it's hard to pick but they are my main ones. Park and Sims are growing on me A LOT too 😭

In terms of OCs, I have about 4 COD OCs I am working on right now and 2 other ones for different video games. Will I share them? Eventually. I'm just scared of putting them out there for the time being. They're just so precious to me. What OCs do i like? Well for me, it's got to be Aleks (@alypink) and Jade (@sleepyconfusedpotato). Though, I've seen many that have caught my eye and i absolutely adore!

So grateful for the ask my lovely!! They always make me happy. Take care of yourself and best wishes 😊💙