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sailorspazz · 4 years ago

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[Fanfic] Internal Rhythms

Yup, my 10 Dance obsession has reached the point where I need to create fan works, since there’s so little out there (I don’t understand, this manga started 9 years ago, where are all the fics and fanarts?! There’s not even much in Japanese!)

Title: Internal Rhythms

Series: 10 Dance

Rating: M (for sexual content)

Words: 5,200

Summary: Suzuki and Sugiki are having issues syncing with each other's rhythms while practicing the quickstep. Sugiki's suggestion for how to get back in tune ends up pushing their relationship to a place it has never gone before.

Where to read: Posted on fanfiction.net and ao3. Or just stay here and click below!

Ah shit, here we go again…Somehow, I’ve wound up falling into a tiny fandom that has barely any fan works, so I guess I have to help fix that :P Since 10 Dance is an ongoing series, I actually have tons of speculative ideas/headcanons developing for what could happen, but for now I’m content to wait and see what direction the story heads in. Instead, I’ve chosen to write a smutty one-off based on chapter 32; though there are some details referenced from that chapter, if you’ve at least read through the end of volume 5, you should have enough context for where their relationship currently stands (as in, they definitely wouldn’t be messing around with each other at this point…and yet, I still couldn’t stop my dirty mind from imagining scenarios where they push things further >:D). Hope you enjoy this take on what could’ve gone down during a late-night training session!

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The wall clock inside the Sugiki Dance School struck 1:20am as both Shinyas took a few final sips of water and prepared to start their usual overnight practice session. Though at first it had felt awkward to spend so many hours together even after they had chosen to no longer pursue their romance, they had been able to effectively push their feelings aside and maintain a professional training partnership—even as both were keenly aware that those desires still remained simmering just under the surface.

“Alright, let’s give the quickstep another shot,” Suzuki stated as he walked over to where Sugiki stood loosening the top buttons of his shirt. “We lost out on practice time yesterday since our rhythms were off or whatever, so we gotta make up for it today.” He was eager to finish learning the basics of all five standard dances so he could spend the remaining months before the 10 Dance perfecting his movements and refining his style.

“Indeed. Let’s waste no time getting started, then.” They joined hands, and Sugiki instinctively closed his eyes as Suzuki’s arm wrapped around him and pulled him snug against his body. He began to hum a tune, as he knew his late-night partner benefitted from having music to dance to, and they started to move. Though they started out smoothly, it was not long before their feet were clearly moving at different paces, causing them to nearly trip and fall before catching themselves in each other’s arms.

“Dammit. Not again,” Suzuki sighed in frustration as he broke out of hold. “Why’s this happening now? We’ve never had this issue before. Not even right after…” He trailed off, not wanting to bring up the breakup that still felt too raw and heartbreaking to talk about a couple of months after it had occurred.

“I believe it is simply the nature of this dance. Since it relies so heavily on the two dancers being in sync with one another and dancing as one, any variance in their internal rhythms can throw it entirely off balance.”

“I get that, but do you got any bright ideas for how to fix this, Mr. ‘standard expert’? Has it happened before with other partners?”

“It has, and the solution was…well…” He paused a moment, looking slightly amused by the memories he was recalling. “When it occurred with partners I was romantically involved with, we would express our intimacy to get back in tune with each other.”

“What, you mean fuck?” Suzuki said bluntly.

“Eloquent as always, aren’t you?” he replied with a chuckle. “It needn’t go that far in most cases. Usually just a simple kiss would suffice.”

Suzuki found himself dwelling on Sugiki’s implication that he had dated more than one of his previous partners. “Just how many partners did you…ya know what, never mind.” Though he already suspected it was true, getting confirmation that Sugiki had a tendency to fall for his partners would make what they had shared feel less special.

“I have never shared that sort of relationship with Ms. Yagami, I can assure you.”

His response was not assuring in the slightest. “Yeah, thanks, but I wasn’t worried about you getting busy with your married partner. It just seems like you…” Suzuki stopped himself from finishing his thought, as he was still concerned that the answer to his earlier unfinished question was one he did not want to know. “Whatever, I said forget it already.”

“You’re one to talk,” Sugiki retorted, not allowing the subject to be dropped just yet. “I’m quite certain that percentage-wise, you have been involved with more of your partners than I have.”

Suzuki looked flabbergasted at this accusation. While it was true that he had had romances with one hundred percent of his partners, when that number only amounted to two people when he included the man in front of him, it was hardly a fair comparison. “Are you shitting me? Don’t go twisting this around to make me look bad! You know damn well I’ve…” Before he got too far into his tirade, he noticed the satisfied smirk Sugiki was wearing. Clearly he was riling him up on purpose for his own amusement, and Suzuki had unwittingly fallen into his trap—though there was a part of him that did not mind being baited by him, and it was something he had actually missed when their relationship had been in a more fragile place following their separation. “This ain’t helping solve our problem, smartass. You got any solutions that’re actually useful?”

“We could try it,” Sugiki murmured under his breath, just barely loud enough for Suzuki to hear.

“Huh?” Suzuki wondered if he was really implying what he assumed he was, but was almost afraid to ask. “What exactly do you wanna try out?”

Sugiki met his eyes with an expression that to most would come across as stoic, but because they had spent so much time together, he could see a twinge of heartache behind it. “We shared a romantic bond before. Perhaps we could realign if we connected in that manner once more, however briefly.”

The acknowledgment that he was suggesting exactly what he had suspected caused Suzuki’s heart to leap. Despite continuing to share incredibly close contact every night as they practiced, neither one had broken down and expressed the desire to rekindle the affectionate side of their bond, even though it was something they could mutually sense from each other through their touch. Now Sugiki had finally gone and voiced it aloud, and Suzuki did not know how to feel, his elation being tamped down by the memories of how badly things had ended before. But he found he could not just shoot down this suggestion outright. “So…you’re saying we should make out?” he asked incredulously.

“It can be much chaster than that. Perhaps just a light kiss would do the trick, like the ones you gave me to help loosen me up during our early Latin sessions.”

His face now looked inscrutable, to the point where Suzuki could not tell if he actually thought this would be helpful, or if he was just looking for an excuse to kiss him. However, there was a growing part of him that did not even care if it were the latter. We really shouldn’t do this, he thought to himself. But his inner doubts did not match the words that came out of his mouth. “Well…if you think it’s worth a shot, then…”

Suzuki sauntered closer to Sugiki. As they stood facing each other, both looked unsure if they should actually go through with this. It was an unfamiliar awkward tension that neither wished to endure any longer, so the two began leaning their faces toward one another. However, Suzuki noticed something and grabbed Sugiki’s face, squishing his cheeks with his hands. “Hold up, what’s this I see?” he asked suspiciously, peering into his partner’s mouth. “Looks like the tip of your tongue is poking out awful far for someone who was just gonna kiss me lightly.”

“And what about you, Suzuki-sensei?” Sugiki brought his thumb up to the other man’s mouth and ran it gently across his bottom lip. “I was peeking as well, and those lips of yours were parted quite wide.”

Neither could truly be upset at the other since both were guilty of the same offense. Which made it even clearer that it would be incredibly difficult to restrain themselves and keep to just the gentle kiss they had agreed upon. Suzuki knew this meant they needed to stop, but as he stared into his partner’s yearning eyes, he found it impossible to turn away. He wanted him, he had missed sharing this with him, and he could not allow this opportunity to slip away, even if he knew he might regret it later. “Ah, fuck it,” he mumbled as he slipped his hand around and clutched the back of Sugiki’s head, smashing their lips together forcefully. They quickly locked together in a tight embrace, their tongues thrusting vigorously into each other’s mouths. As ballroom professionals, they had previously compared their make out sessions to different styles of dance: sometimes their tongues slid smoothly together in a gentle foxtrot, at other times they undulated in a sensual rumba. This time, as months of pent-up passion poured out of each of them, it was more like an unconventional paso doble between two matadors battling for dominance.

Why’s it so easy to fall right back into this? And why does it feel so good with him? Suzuki wondered as they continued their maddening yet thrilling dance, relishing the feeling of Sugiki’s fingers twisting through his hair and tugging at his curls. Though in the past he had been more accustomed to romantic partners who would yield to him, there was something about the aggressive push and pull between the two of them that was undeniably appealing—in fact, he even preferred it now.

Sugiki began sucking on the tip of Suzuki’s tongue, causing a moan to slip out. Shit, this is getting out of hand. The urges he had harbored before about ravishing his late-night partner were coming back in full force; he needed to end this before he tried something regrettable again. Against the will of his body that was screaming for more, he managed to dislodge his tongue from Sugiki’s mouth and pull his face back. They breathed heavily as they gazed at each other, and Sugiki made a move toward him again, but Suzuki turned his face so the other man’s lips landed on his cheek instead. Sugiki seemed to accept this alternative, and placed a sequence of tender kisses along his jawline. “I knew this was a bad idea,” Suzuki lamented with a deep sigh.

“Why do you say that?” Sugiki whispered, pressing his lips to Suzuki’s ear.

“’Cause it’s gonna be really hard to stop now.”

“Indeed, I can see how…hard it is,” Sugiki noted with a sly glance downward. “That’s quite a bomer you’re sporting.”

Suzuki’s face turned red, though he also snorted out a laugh. “I seriously can’t tell if you’re fucking with me at this point, or you really don’t know that word. It’s boner.”

“Ah, right.” The sexual tension between them had cooled a bit during this brief exchange, but Sugiki found himself still craving more of his Latino partner. The fact that July was fast approaching and Norman would soon be arriving to take over Suzuki’s coaching made him truly want to make the most of the remaining time they had together. He was on the verge of suggesting something they had never done before, but struggled as he weighed his desires against logic telling him they should not take this any further. “It would be difficult for you to attempt to dance in that state. Perhaps…” His uncertainty caused him to trail off without finishing his proposal.

“Ah, y-yeah,” Suzuki laughed awkwardly. “I guess I could take a break and…”

Before he could walk away, Sugiki grabbed his arms and held him in place. “Perhaps,” he started again, sounding more confident this time as he met his partner’s eyes. “I could…take care of it for you.”

Suzuki’s eyes widened in disbelief. For one, he had never seen someone offer to get him off while wearing such a gravely serious expression. But more importantly, the fact that he was making this offer now when they had never gone beyond kissing was completely unexpected. And he knew allowing this to happen could jeopardize the comfortable working relationship they had developed with each other. Despite that, something awakened in him at the sound of the other Shinya’s words, and there was no way in hell he was going to turn him down. His mental state quickly switched over to the seductive mode that he typically got into when he went out to pick up women—though ever since their trip to Blackpool early in the year when he had started to recognize his feelings for Sugiki, he had actually not slept with anyone at all, and was currently in the longest dry spell of his adult life. Even if they were never officially dating, and even after their romance ended, it would have almost felt like cheating since he had sincerely fallen in love with him. A sensual grin spread across his face, his eyes half-lidded as he softly stroked Sugiki’s cheek. “Oh yeah? How do you plan to do it?” he purred flirtatiously.

Sugiki shivered as he was taken in by the sudden shift in Suzuki’s mannerisms. He did not give him an answer, but instead kept his eyes locked with his partner’s as he dropped down to his knees and reached for the waistband of Suzuki’s pants.

Suzuki raised an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t willing to do that.”

“Certainly not under the circumstances you presented me with before. That would have been highly undignified,” Sugiki explained in an agitated tone. “Under the right conditions, though, I don’t have a problem with it.” He pulled Suzuki’s pants down to his lower thighs, then slipped his hand through the opening in his underwear, pulling out his erection.

Suzuki chuckled as he noticed that, though Sugiki seemed to be willing himself to keep his expression as calm as possible, his eyes told the story of a man suddenly feeling apprehensive as he held another man’s dick in his hand for the first time in his life. “You say you’re fine with this, but it’s not like you’ve done it before.”

“Yes, well…” He did not finish his reply aloud, but thought to himself, For you—and only you—I’m willing to try just about anything. His hunger for this man had compelled him to push things further than he had intended, but at this point he could not back down. He gave Suzuki’s member some soft strokes with his hand, feeling it grow bigger and firmer. He brought his lips forward and placed them gently on the tip, then poked his tongue out and swirled it in circles around the head. He was stalling a bit due to his hesitation, and he knew Suzuki could sense that as he stared down at him in anticipation, so it was time to take the plunge. He moved forward and slipped the head of Suzuki’s erection into his mouth. He sucked lightly as he pressed him just a bit deeper inside, moving back and forth slowly as he got used to the sensation of having a foreign appendage inside his mouth. Once he got a bit more comfortable, he removed his hand and pushed further yet again, reaching a place where he had most of Suzuki’s length in his mouth. He began to relax a bit, and his head movements went from halting and erratic to smooth and consistent.

Holy shit, this is really happening. Suzuki closed his eyes and exhaled a lustful sigh. I can’t believe I’m getting a blowjob from a guy. He smirked as he thought on it further. No, not just any guy. The Shinya Sugiki. The Emperor. A man who sits near the top of the world, down on his knees for me. Fuck, that’s hot. The ego boost he got from this realization aroused him even further, making him want to feel the sensation of being completely enveloped by his partner. He gripped Sugiki’s hair and tried to hold him in place while shifting his hips forward, but Sugiki’s hand flew up and gripped the base of his shaft, preventing him from going any deeper. He shot a warning glare up at Suzuki, but did not stop what he was doing, now using his hand in conjunction with his mouth to stroke and suck him simultaneously. It seemed the balance of power was an issue between them, as it always had been; even though Sugiki had put himself in a vulnerable position, he still wanted to remain in control. Suzuki could respect that need, and though he still kept his hand resting on his partner’s head, he merely ran his fingers through his hair rather than made further attempts to steer his actions through force.

Suzuki recalled that the reason this had all started was because of their mistimed internal rhythms. There was certainly no more intimate demonstration of one’s rhythm than what Sugiki was doing to him currently, so he decided to concentrate on the pace of his partner’s actions. As soon as he put his focus on it, he was struck by how even and steady it was. Like a piece of music…oh my god, what if he’s playing a waltz in his head? A chuckle nearly escaped him, but he bit down hard on his lip to hold it back. Nah, he doesn’t even need music. He’s probably doing it to the count. One two three, four five six, one two three…it’s like I’m getting blown by a metronome. That mental image made him snicker aloud, causing Sugiki to stop and peer up at him quizzically. “Sorry, sorry. I just…thought of something weird.” He could tell from the look in his eyes that Sugiki was miffed that he was letting his mind wander when he was going extremely far out of his comfort zone to do this for him, so Suzuki felt the need to encourage him a bit. “Please don’t stop. It really does feel amazing.” Though he still looked slightly wary, Sugiki quickly got back into the same rhythm he had been using before. Clearly, thinking about anything was only going to get Suzuki in trouble, so he chose to just relax and enjoy Sugiki’s efforts.

Though the pace he was keeping felt good, it was not quite reaching the speed Suzuki would need to finish. The situation already felt delicate, and he did not want to seem like he was making demands of his partner, so instead of saying anything, he used the fingers resting on Sugiki’s head to gently tap out a faster rhythm. He immediately picked up on what Suzuki was subtly requesting of him, and altered his pace accordingly. Sugiki’s other hand reached around to squeeze one of his partner’s well-muscled ass cheeks. His fingers slipped ever closer toward the center, an avenue Suzuki was not ready to explore. “H-hey,” he protested firmly, causing Sugiki to return to merely caressing his backside. “Ah, Sugi…hngh…mmph.” He could not help but vocalize his pleasure as he drew closer and closer to his climax. He figured it was also probably fair to warn the other man so he could be prepared. “I’m gonna…gah!” He did not even finish the words before tossing his head back with a moan as a wave of ecstasy coursed throughout his body. Though Sugiki had been aware that this would be happening soon and had tried to brace himself, it was still a shock to feel another man’s essence spilling into his mouth. He swallowed a little bit, but the thick, unfamiliar texture sliding down his throat triggered his gag reflex and made him cough, causing most of Suzuki’s cum to dribble down onto his shirt.

Suzuki offered a hand to help Sugiki stand up. Even after pulling him up, he continued to grip his hand, flashing him a contented smile. “Well, I sure didn’t expect a training session like this.”

Sugiki could not help but grin back at him. His heartbeat quickened as they stared into each other’s eyes. He wished they could stay this way forever, but he knew that the longer they continued basking in the afterglow, the harder it would be to tear themselves away from each other. “Well then, shall we get back to training?”

“Whoa, hold on a minute,” Suzuki squeezed his hand tighter, keeping him from breaking away. “We might’ve solved my issue, but now it looks like you’re having one of your own.” His eyes darted downward to the obvious bulge in Sugiki’s pants, then looked back up at him with a lecherous grin.

“Ah, well, I…”

Suzuki swiftly eliminated the gap between their bodies, wrapping one arm around him while his other hand rubbed against the front of Sugiki’s pants. “Sucking me off got you pretty worked up, huh?” Suzuki murmured coquettishly. Sugiki could feel his neck and ears growing warm as he was once again being taken in by his partner’s highly effective seductive mode; it was hard to believe that a man who was so enticing in his everyday existence could amp up his sex appeal even more, but somehow Suzuki managed to pull it off. “You got such a low opinion of me that you didn’t think I’d return the favor?” he teased impishly.

Truth be told, this had all been quite an impulsive whim on Sugiki’s part, and he had not really thought ahead to what Suzuki might do for him in return. But now that the offer was on the table, there was no way he was going to pass it up. Sugiki draped his arms over Suzuki’s shoulders and gazed amorously into his eyes. “If you insist,” he answered softly before leaning forward to press his lips to his partner’s. The pace of this kiss was much more languid than the one they had shared earlier, yet still steeped with the passion of a tango as their tongues slipped past and against each other.

Suzuki began to shuffle his feet, leading them toward the side of the room as they remained attached at the mouth. They reached the benches and sat next to each other, then Suzuki pushed his weight toward Sugiki until he had him lying down. He brought his lips down upon Sugiki’s neck, kissing and sucking at his bare skin. Sugiki noted that he was definitely going to wind up with hickies from this, and would need to remember to keep his shirts completely buttoned up in the presence of others for the next few days, including at home with his mother.

Suzuki’s mouth drifted toward his throat, and he started moving on a pathway downward, placing kisses on each section of newly exposed skin as he undid his shirt buttons one by one. His other hand reached up to play with his nipples, and Sugiki could feel a part of him that wanted to resist; a man like him who was used to being in control was not entirely comfortable being put into such a submissive position. Still, he was willing to go against his own nature in this instance, as he craved the release his Latino partner was offering him.

After making his way down to Sugiki’s bellybutton, Suzuki went to work undoing the other man’s belt and unzipping his pants. He reached down into his underwear, frowning slightly as a realization hit him. “Um, wow. I could tell you were packing when our dicks said hello to each other in that first practice session, but god damn…” He sat up again and unveiled Sugiki’s erection, gawking at its impressive length. “Makin’ me feel inadequate here,” he muttered under his breath. Though he had desired Sugiki sexually for several months already, somehow he had never mentally prepared himself for the blow to his ego of being with a man who was better endowed than himself.

“You’re perfectly adequately sized, I can assure you.”

Suzuki looked dumbfounded for a second, then growled, “Your assurances are really shitty, ya know. How the hell’s being called ‘adequate’ supposed to make me feel better?!” In his mind, he added, Maybe someday I’ll fuck you, and we’ll see if you think my dick’s just ‘adequate’ then, but thought better of expressing that prospect aloud.

Sugiki was struggling to maintain a neutral expression, feeling a grin threatening to break out across his face. Getting Suzuki flustered was one of his favorite—and often easiest—forms of entertainment, and it was when he found him the most adorable. Though on second thought, perhaps this was not the smartest time to aggravate him, as it could cause his hot-headed partner to go back on his offer.

Suzuki narrowed his eyes at him, now noticing the smug glee Sugiki was trying to conceal. “You son of a bitch…” He had gotten him again, and though he was a bit peeved, he nevertheless loved seeing the spark of joy in the other Shinya’s eyes, which had become a rarer sight following their breakup. “You’re lucky I’m such a nice guy,” Suzuki said with a bit of a sneer as he began moving his hand in long strokes up and down Sugiki’s shaft. His partner sighed softly, closing his eyes and turning his head to the side, but Suzuki reached up and grabbed his chin, forcing him to face him again. “Hey. We ain’t dancing the waltz here. Don’t look away from me.” His lips curled up in a lascivious smile. “I wanna see your face when you come.” His grin widened even more as he watched Sugiki’s entire face turn beet red. “Wow. I’ve never seen you blush that hard before.” After repeatedly falling victim to his partner’s efforts to mess with him, Suzuki was pleased to achieve a small victory of his own.

As Suzuki continued to caress him, Sugiki tried to maintain the eye contact that the other man wanted, but it felt too intimate, to the point where it was uncomfortable for him. He continued facing upward, but instead of concentrating on what was in his field of vision, he fixated his attention on the rhythm Suzuki was using to pleasure him. Like when he danced, it was a bit inconsistent and unconventional, yet imbued with passion and enthusiasm. In any case, after spending months secretly wondering what it would be like if they pushed beyond just kissing, being touched by Suzuki like this was quite the thrill.

Suzuki saw a blissful smile appear on his partner’s face, which in these circumstances actually annoyed him. Ugh, why’s he always so elegant? I don’t wanna see that gentlemanly front when I’m jerking you off. He started pumping his hand faster, hoping to coax more of a lustful reaction out of Sugiki. His response of breathing slightly faster and biting down lightly on his lip was not nearly enough to sate Suzuki’s desire to see him let go, so he quickened his pace even more. Soon after, a slight hitch in Sugiki’s breath and his body tensing under him were the only signs Suzuki got to indicate that his partner was climaxing, which was immediately followed by the sensation of ejaculate spilling over his hand.

After taking a few moments to recover, Sugiki arose from the bench. “Let me get something so you can clean up,” he offered as he started walking across the room. He returned shortly with a towel and handed it to Suzuki.

“So…did you like that?” Suzuki asked curiously as he wiped his hands.

“Hmm? Of course. Why would you think otherwise?” Sugiki answered, looking confused.

“I mean, you weren’t really reacting very much, so…”

“Does the end result not make it obvious that I found it pleasurable?” He glanced at the towel Suzuki held, seeming to view it as proof of his point.

“Okay, yeah, obviously you got off, but I’m just more used to…”

“Oh, is it that you usually have women screaming your name in bed?” he chortled.

“That’s…not what I was trying to say…though it is true,” Suzuki acknowledged. “I just thought maybe I’d…I dunno, get to see you let loose a bit, get sloppy or something.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t tend to do that.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Despite his best efforts, he had not succeeded in making Sugiki drop the impervious guard he kept around himself. Maybe I can’t get you to show me that side of you yet, but someday…

Sugiki could tell it was frustrating for the other Shinya that he had not given him the sort of responses he was accustomed to, but the fact was that it was difficult to open himself entirely up knowing that they could not be in a relationship at this point. Still, he could not let go of the hope that they might one day be together. If anyone’s capable of pulling that side out of me, you’ll be the one to do it.

Once they finished cleaning up, Sugiki disposed of the towel and changed into a new shirt before returning to his partner once more. “All right, shall we resume practice, then?”

“Yeah, but could we work on some dances I already know first? My brain’s a bit…foggy right now, so it’d be hard to try something so new.” He always fell into a fairly relaxed state following sex, so he wanted to save Sugiki the headache of trying to teach him quickstep when it was likely he would absorb very little.

“Certainly, but do you not think we should at least try to see if the compatibility of our rhythms has improved at all first?” He looked at Suzuki with a sly smirk. “That is why we did this, yes?”

“O-of course,” Suzuki stammered. “Yeah, let’s test it out a bit.” They positioned themselves in hold once more, beginning to move to the tune of Sugiki’s humming. Their feet flew across the floor in the basic quickstep patterns Suzuki had learned so far, each of them keeping in mind the feeling of the internal rhythms they had sensed from each other. This time around, they were able to continue moving at high speeds without stumbling, dancing around the room for a while before coming to a stop. Both were panting heavily from the effort, and as they stayed in hold a bit longer, Suzuki blushed slightly as Sugiki beamed at him with a dreamy smile on his face.

“Perfect.”

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Oh ho ho…my Shinyas are very naughty boys! Much more so than they’ve been in the story so far (I suppose a similar level to the Taboo side story, but that’s not exactly canon). I’m excited to get this done and add another fic to the very small pile that currently exists. I really hope more fans will join me in celebrating this beautiful manga and its central pair of dance crazy dumbasses who can’t yet—but will hopefully, eventually—figure out how to make it work between them *cough*just be switch goddammit*cough*. In the meantime, I’ll keep wallowing in headcanons that might possibly become fics if the mood strikes me again. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! ^_^

#10 dance #10dance #fanfic

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tothedarkdarkseas · 3 years ago

Note

Ink, diary, backstory, carnegie, dickinson, and parchment for the ask meme. Love you too

Ink and Diary - see previous ask!

backstory: how did you come to love writing?

(*Thinks* Do I love writing...?) You know, this probably reflects quite poorly on me, but I'm not sure what the best answer here is. I wrote bits of fanfiction here and there when I was younger, and I also drew fanart-- until I realized I wasn't very good at either of those things. I hadn't written anything in at least 7 years when I started writing Gorillaz, mostly off the back of my inspiration from reading Yearz and obsessing over a scummier, more realistic universe for these characters. The truth is that it wasn't quite a childhood dream or lifelong passion, it was something I stopped when I became too embarrassed by my lack of skill, and picked up again simply because I felt compelled to do it-- and indeed, like any creative pursuit, you do get better the more you do it. I would absolutely say I've rediscovered a passion for writing and I do like to entertain certain ambitions of writing a collection of short stories, but I'm also not hard-nosed in dedication to that goal. I have always loved stories, but that wasn't strictly in regard to written stories, often it was more of a love for movies and music which inspired little imagined scenarios; I wasn't always a voracious reader nor did I frequently write anything to fruition, which seems like it disqualifies me from being an authority on those things.

carnegie: what authors and/or books/stories have inspired you to write or influenced your work?

As mentioned previously, I really wasn't a voracious reader. In fact, this was and is a source of some humiliation-- having not read the classics or other things that people know and respect can make you feel like the dimmest person in the room. The awkwardness of these conversations is honestly something that motivated me to read a bit more recently, but even that was more focused on poetry and essay collections. My go-to answer is generally Joey Comeau, probably most evident in his queer-punk stories Lockpick Pornography and We All Got It Coming, but also his more gentle lingering on grief Malagash and the offbeat and sporadically poignant collection Overqualified. (I really loved Overqualified at the time it came out, so it has a special place in my heart.) I've recently read two poetry collections which gave me a little boost to begin working: Calling a Wolf a Wolf by Kaveh Akbar and A Fortune for Your Disaster by Hanif Abdurraqib. And I'd be remiss not to mention-- Yearz. Like, it surely embarrasses Danni for me to say that but it is the simple truth.

dickinson: what insecurities do you have about your own writing? what do you think you should improve on?

Sheesh, where to start? All of it, quite plainly, I don't think there is any element which could not be improved on. I always felt that I struggled with dialogue and making it sound natural, but if I were naming the damning culprit I would say my writing is more bogged down by the overwriting and underediting. I remember being younger and feeling a bit defensive of "purple prose" because subconsciously I knew I was very prone to it. To be frank, when I write a story more quickly and don't embellish much in the detail I always feel it is too sparse and not distinct, I fear it isn't saying anything that makes it unique to me-- but those stories seem to be the ones that have "performed" the best based on recent stats, which confirms that I definitely overthink this, haha. The problem as I see it is that these, er, lofty sentences are good on their own ("good" is subjective, some have definitely been Bad, but let's pretend we're just seeing the "good" examples) but when stacked together with hundreds, thousands of "lofty" sentences with similar structure, similar length and similar "impact," it can start to make the reading process tedious. I don't want to tire readers out or make them cringe at how hard I'm overcompensating for my lack of education or formal skill, and I do fear it comes across as exactly that when I write the way my brain tells me to. When I say underediting, I don't mean that I don't edit-- I edit to the brink of madness, I rewrite constantly, but I don't often have the heart to cut something out. I really don't edit things to make them more brief; I do think it's arguable to what extent brevity is good for a story, but... it's more important than my writing reflects, haha. There is some impact lost when you are too precious about unnecessary sentences, and I am unfortunately too precious about it. I don't think I'm particularly good at plotting either, as my fanfic writing has relied more on character studies than progressing actions and events, and I fear in longer form (ie: this current WIP) it will come across to the reader as meandering, aimless, and quite frankly boring. To be kinder, I know these are subjective things. I don't think all of my stories are bad, but I don't think all of them are good. I don't think any are great, and I don't think I'm at a skill level where I feel comfortable resting on my laurels or taking a swing at self-publishing. Writing is still challenging to me, and I suppose it's up to personal perception whether it is good to be challenged because it shows you're putting in effort, or whether it's a sign you don't have a natural talent for something, heh.

parchment: how often do you or your personal life influence your writing?

Fairly often, but it's generally in small, inconsequential ways. I don't try to put myself in the characters in any sort of comfort/projection way, but I also think it's unrealistic to expect nothing of yourself ends up in your writing, even if it's in the form of something opposing the character. A line of dialogue might be revised from real life, or a thought that a character has might be based on something I've thought before. Two examples come to mind-- in November Hasn't Come, the musing about Stu framing childing posters or torn up flyers to look artistic because you become self-conscious at a certain age about taping things on your wall is pulled right from my own life and my dozens of frames. I still have a hang-up about framing things I deem embarrassing without the frame. The other is a line in the WIP which may or may not end up in the final product, but I had certainly intended to use it from the very start-- a character quips to Stu about his casual pill usage that "They're not dinner mints," which is straight from a real story involving a loved one and painkiller abuse. I loved this quote because it's got that touch of grim humor about it that really suits my type of fiction, but it is in fact real. (Now that I've said it I'll try my best to keep that interaction in the final product.)

#long post #thank you for helping me burn part of my day

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jovialyouthmusic · 5 years ago

Text

Proposal

A Royal Romance AU Fanfic featuring Bastien Lykel

I’m so excited to reveal the fanart I commissioned from the talented @jadequarze for this two piece fic. It follows on from ‘Kiss from a Rose’ (link leads to the first of three chapters) and you might also like to read Changes, a drabble that links the two sequences together. Or you could just read this as a little bit of fluff.

Word Count 3221

A/N The story starts with a flashback to Liam’s social season. Going back to the present (after the social season and Anton and the Sons of the Earth are no longer on the scene) Sophia has told Bastien that she’s received a job offer from Edinburgh University, and he plans to leave the Guard and go with her.

Accompanying song is ‘I Only Have Eyes for You’ by Simon Garfunkel

Proposal

Bastien heard Sophia coming along the corridor to their suite at Ramsford. The Beaumont Bash was underway and he was hard put to it to take this time out – a stolen moment for his goddess. He melted back into the shadows as she appeared and entered their room, closing the door behind her. He pictured her catching sight of the garment bag hanging on the wardrobe door and reading the note he had written

‘To my goddess

Should you decide to go to the ball, you deserve to look the part.

Wear this for me, and I will see you in the crowd, though you always draw my eye wherever you are.’

He counted out a minute to allow her to open it and discover the contents and knocked at the door, holding the corsage in his hand. As Sophia answered, the dress, a scarlet sheath cut to hug the figure and flare out from the upper thighs, sparkling with sequins hung behind her. She pulled him in and threw her arms around him

‘Oh Bas, it’s perfect’ she breathed ‘How did you know?’ He gestured to himself

‘You keep forgetting, I know everything, including the garment that will draw everyone’s eyes and make you the talk of the ball’

‘Bas, I’m not a duchess or a lady or a princess – I can’t wear this…’

‘You are my goddess, and yes you can. No one will dare touch you with me as your protector, I stake my claim – if that’s agreeable to you’ Sophia stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

‘Of course it is, I’m honoured - and you know you’re mine too, anyone makes eyes at you and they’ll regret it.’ Her eyes flashed with passion, then she took a deep breath and dismissed it from her mind, smiling sweetly again ‘Have you come to help me put the dress on?’

‘Yes, I have a half hour break and there’s something very special I want to do’

‘In this dress?’ she said, opening her eyes in mock surprise.

‘Not that, my goddess’ he smiled ‘I won’t get a chance to dance with you, so I have the perfect song lined up. Put it on, and we can have our own private moment’ Sophia stripped, selecting a bra that would support her without showing, and carefully pulled the dress on. She stood in front of the mirror for Bastien to zip it up, his lips lingering near the nape of her neck, her scent dizzying him. She took the corsage and strapped it high up on her upper arm, checking in the mirror that all was correct. She swiftly applied a little make up and selected a pair of strappy silver shoes. Bastien set up a speaker and flipped though his phone, waiting patiently as she selected a diamante necklace and matching earrings.

Finally she turned to him and he bowed

‘Perfect timing my goddess. Would you do me the pleasure?’ he finally touched his phone and music started to fill the room. He had chosen ‘I only have eyes for you’, and Sophia smiled happily as he took her hand and waist and they started to sway.

‘My love must be a kind of blind love - I can’t see anyone but you’

He gazed at her, smiling, and she sighed, melting into him, swaying and drawing closer

‘Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright ‘Cause I only have eyes for you, dear The moon may be high But I can’t see a thing in the sky 'Cause I only have eyes for you.’

‘Sophia, if I wasn’t working, I would spend the whole evening by your side. You are the most beautiful woman in the building and I want to show you off’ he said softly as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

‘I don’t know if we’re in a garden Or on a crowded avenue You are here, so am I Maybe millions of people go by But they all disappear from view And I only have eyes for you’

The music slowed and stopped, and they held each other for a little longer….

That was the moment, he realised – the moment he knew he wanted her to remain in his life, the moment he had a faint reckoning that he could allow himself a life outside his job – a partner, a wife – a family.

So he planned his proposal after their trip to Edinburgh on Valentines’ Day. He had wanted to propose then, but he was working and could not rely on having time allotted to such an important task. So now he mused, going over his options for the perfect opportunity.

------

Bastien gazed at Sophia over the dinner table. Music played in the background – a string quartet on a dais at the side of the restaurant. Rainbows of light danced across her face from the crystal chandelier overhead, and there was the muted sound of the conversation of the other diners around them. She sipped at the wine as the waiter cleared away the empty plates, then put her glass down as Bastien smiled fondly.

‘That was amazing’ she sighed, patting her stomach ‘I always wanted to try lobster thermidor – it’s a bit old fashioned but I’m glad I tried it.’

‘I hope you left room for dessert’ he said ‘They do an amazing dark chocolate and champagne torte with raspberry ganache’ She looked thoughtful

‘I’m not sure – but it sounds as if you’d like to try it, so let’s share’ She picked up her handbag ‘I’ll just go to the bathroom, you can order while I’m gone’

‘Of course, theá mou. Hurry back’ Bastien raised a finger to the waiter who hovered a little way away from the table.

‘We’ll have the special – the dark chocolate torte to share, please’ he said loudly, and as she walked away, added quietly ‘Tell chef which table it’s for – you know, the really special one’

‘Of course Sir – I’ll give the signal to the band too’

‘Yes, that would be wonderful’ Bastien smiled to himself, but felt the butterflies in his stomach too as he waited for Sophia to return. Before long she was sitting opposite him again, and the waiter sprang into action. The band stopped playing and waited for their cue to restart.

‘Sir, Madam’ he said, and Bastien indicated that the plate should go to Sophia.

‘Oh this looks amazing’ she said ‘Shall I be that person who photographs their food?’

‘If you like’ he smiled indulgently, ready to move from his seat when she discovered the ring in the first bite of the dessert….

No, wait – what if she didn’t find it straight away? What if she bit into it and chipped a tooth – or choked? What if the torte went to the wrong table? That would be a disastrous marriage proposal. Sitting at his desk, Bastien put a line through the first line of his notes

Dessert at La Choiserie

He tapped his teeth with his pen and thought again, daydreaming about the next possible scenario for his proposal

------

‘Bas, my feet are aching – are we nearly at the top?’ Sophia asked as they trudged up the rocky path toward the summit of the highest point of the ridge that overlooked the capital. They would stay at the lodge further down and he would persuade her to take a walk instead of staying inside all day.

‘Nearly there, Sophia. I promise you the view from the top is worth it. This range isn’t as high as the mountains in Lythikos, but you can see them from the top. It’s a lot warmer here and there’s no risk of an avalanche.’ He carried on climbing, glad of the walking poles he had brought. Sophia had just the one stick, and they were surprisingly well matched in stride and speed for most of the time.

At last they were at the top, breathless and elated from the climb.

‘Oh Bas, you were right’ she breathed ‘It’s beautiful’ He smiled, putting his rucksack down and feeling in his anorak pocket for the velvet box, dropping to one knee on the stony ground…

No, wait - what it if rained or was stormy? Was he sure he could still climb that hill with his injured thigh? What if he couldn’t persuade her to go for that walk? He crossed out that scenario too.

Summit of Duchy Ridge

------

His goddess looked radiant sitting in the hot tub at the lodge on the ridge. The crescent moon shone and the inky black sky twinkled with stars. He slipped into the water with her and she moved across to sit next to him as the water gently swirled and hugged his arm to her soft breasts.

‘Are you ready for the bubbles?’ she asked

‘If you are, theá mou’ She reached over to the control and before long the jets were emitting streams of bubble through the water. He positioned himself so that it massaged his thigh and Sophia laughed – a low melodious sound that always pleased him.

‘It’s like being in a champagne glass’ she said ‘only warm, of course.’

‘There’s a bottle chilling right now’ he said ‘we can have it after this cycle - I’ll get it’

‘Okay’ she sighed ‘I don’t want to get out of this – ever. I think this is my new favourite best place’

‘I’m happy wherever you are – my favourite place is next to you’

‘Bas, you are so romantic’ she sighed ‘what did I do to deserve you?’ They sat in companionable silence as the water swirled and bubbled. When it stopped, Bastien got out, looking over at his lover, who was lying back, her eyes half closed in bliss. He hoped to bring that expression to her face when they got out and went to the bedroom, he reminded himself – but first…

‘Here you are, theá mou’ He climbed into the tub and reached back for the glass of champagne, the ring at the bottom of her glass and waited for her to notice

Well, that’s not a bad idea – but there is the risk that she might not notice the ring and choke. Bastien sighed and this time put a question mark next to it

Hot tub champagne glass

------

‘Come on in Sophia – the water’s lovely!’ Bastien called as he waded out into the cool azure water

‘I’ve only just put sunscreen on!’ she called out from the shore.

‘We can swim out to the grotto, theá mou’ He saw her perk up, remembering the time they had swum out to the secret place and made love naked on the water smoothed rocky ledge there. She was wading in eagerly in a trice, and he smiled, turning away, making smooth long strokes through the clear water.

When they got to the submerged entrance to the cave they held hands and ducked under to clear the rocky arch and gain the cave within. As before, the blue grey stone sparkled with reflections from the ray of sun coming from a blowhole up in the roof. They floated in the water, and she turned to face him, bringing her arms around him for a kiss. They slowly sank under the surface until they had to let go and strike for the surface, gasping and laughing. Sophia swam to the rocky shelf, sinuous like a mermaid, and he followed. She sat on the edge looking down at him, and he trod water in front of her.

Playfully she spread her legs open a little and drew him toward her with her feet. That gave him the opportunity to reach into his swim shorts for the little pouch containing the ring…

No, wait – what if he dropped the ring and had to search for it on the deep rocky bottom? Maybe he should visit the cave the day before and hide the ring there? No – what if a freak wave washed it away? That wouldn’t do. He crossed it out

Portaviera grotto

-----

They strolled hand in hand through the grounds of Applewood Manor, as well known for its rose garden as for its apple orchard. Her led her around the well tended beds, surrounded by neatly clipped box hedges. He told her the name and origin of every bloom, from white through a delicate blush pink, to peach, to magenta, to blood red.

‘I know you prefer to see flowers growing rather than in a bouquet’ he smiled ‘So I thought you’d enjoy this.’ He reached a bush at the centre of one of the beds and showed her a scarlet rose, the velvet petals giving off a heady scent.

‘Oh this one is beautiful’ she breathed.

‘I’m pleased you like it, it’s a new cultivar’ She leaned close to inhale the perfume, her blonde hair swinging forward and contrasting with the petals.

‘It smells divine - what is it called?’ she asked. He felt for the box in his pocket.

‘The name is as beautiful as the bloom.’ he smiled as he dropped to one knee ‘It’s called Sophia’

No, there wasn’t enough time to arrange the growing of a new flower, he wanted to ask her soon, he decided. Again he struck his pen through the words

Applewood Rose Garden and thought again. He needed at least one more scenario – the perfect one…

------

They walked though yet another garden, this time at Ramsford. Maxwell was strangely absent and they made their way down to the aviary where the peacocks were housed.

‘What is it with Maxwell and peacocks?’ she asked, laughing as they stood by the pens. The birds eyed them curiously, looking to see if they had any tidbits.

‘I’m really not sure, despite knowing him for a large portion of his life’ Bastien replied ‘You know that the animal on their family crest is actually a squid?’

‘Oh, that’s why he wears the squid tie – and that odd suit of his’ She mused.

This time when he reached into his pocket it was for an apple, which the alpha peacock was particularly fond of. They came to his enclosure – he was kept apart from the others to preserve his plumage, as he was prone to fighting and although he was at the top of the pecking order, that didn’t stop younger males from trying to best him. Bastien was not fond of the creature, but he was determined he would play a part in his proposal, as he was a magnificent specimen. He was happy to see it wasn’t roaming the grounds.

‘This’ he said, waving the apple in the air enticingly for the creature ‘Is Betsy’. It stepped forward, its beady eye on the tempting fruit.

‘Oh’ said Sophia ‘But correct me if I’m wrong – Betsy is a peacock, not a peahen’ she indicated the long train of feathers trailing behind the bird. Bastien sighed heavily

‘Once again I have no idea why he named him Betsy. That young man has a very – unique – outlook on life’ Sophia frowned and looked closer at the bird

‘He’s got something tied around his neck – what is it?’

------

Bastien snapped back to reality. That blasted bird would NOT cooperate. He shuddered – pictures of the creature chasing him once he got out of his enclosure for him to retrieve the ring ran through his head. A vivid memory of the pain of Betsy pecking him somewhere very delicate made him sweat – and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t tolerate having the ring box tied around his neck – he wouldn’t be surprised if the damn bird found a way to open the box and either swallow or lose the ring.

No, that was his WORST idea yet. He sighed and got up to walk to the window and look out over the courtyard. He saw Lewis make his way over to the staff wing for the start of his shift, and he realised it was time to eat. He called one of the younger guards in.

‘Get cook to send some sandwiches in’ he said ‘and ask Lewis to come to my office.’ He thought for a moment ‘Tell cook to send enough for two’

It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the door, and Lewis put his head round the door

‘Sir’ he said

‘Come in Lewis, we have something to discuss’ Bastien motioned to him and Lewis sat on the other side of the desk. He steepled his fingers together ‘How are you getting on, my friend? Work wise, that is?’

‘Well, you tell me, sir’ he answered. ‘You’ve evaluated me, I take it’

‘Yes, of course – but do you feel you’ve performed well? Do you enjoy your work?’

‘I do feel a certain pride in my work sir, and I always strive for the excellence you’ve exhibited’

‘I’ve made mistakes, son’ Bastien pointed out ‘It wasn’t an easy job under Constantine, and things certainly didn’t get any better until we detained Severus. I hope that I’m passing over a tight ship now, but you should never let your guard down.’

‘Passing over, Sir?’ Lewis asked ‘Does this mean…?’

‘I’ll be handing in my notice very soon’ he said ‘I can’t tell you all of my plans as yet, but I’ll be moving put of the Palace completely.’

‘You’ll be sorely missed, Sir’ he replied

‘That’s as maybe’ he said. There was a knock at the door and one of the house staff entered with a covered tray and set it down on the desk, taking the cover off and leaving the room. There was a selection of sandwiches and salad. ‘Please, help yourself’ Bastien said, and the two men chose and began to eat.

‘So, there’s one thing I’d like to ask your advice on’ Bastien said

‘My advice?’ Lewis looked a little surprised

‘You’ve been married four years now, haven’t you?’ His junior nodded at the question. Bastien took a napkin and wiped his mouth

‘Can I ask how you proposed?’

‘Oh – I – well, it’s a funny story’ Lewis shifted in his chair

‘I’m eager to hear it’

‘I – well my wife proposed to me in a leap year’ Bastien raised his eyebrows

‘Did she, indeed.’ He said in surprise ‘Did that take you by surprise?’

‘It did Sir – I’d planned to ask her when we went on holiday – on the beach in the moonlight by a fire. But she beat me to it’ he shrugged ‘She uh – she dressed up - that is – it was very intimate Sir. You know – in the bedroom.’ He paused ‘I take it you plan to propose to Sophia, Sir?’

‘Very astute of you son – yes I am, but I can’t make up my mind about the details’

‘My advice would be to keep it simple, don’t overthink it and don’t leave it too long, Sir’

‘Wise words’ he smiled ‘Thankyou Lewis, I’ll keep you updated on when you’re to take over. I have to talk to the King yet, so don’t mention this to anyone please. As for the other matter – of course that’s also confidential.’

‘Of course Sir’ Lewis rose and left the room. Bastien folded up the piece of paper and got up to go and make an appointment to speak to King Liam.

#bastien lykel #trr bastien #sophia x bastien #OC x Bastien #trr au fanfic

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izvorposts · 5 years ago

Text

SnK ch 125 Spoilers Ahead.

About Levi

I haven’t been in the fandom for too long, but SnK has become an addiction (laughs in suicidal) and I want to share my thoughts on the latest chapter, mainly Levi. I know I won’t say anything new, but I have the urge to write about it.

First off, they’re back, yay! Maybe we can say that 2020 started in a promising way. Maybe.

Second of all, Levi is a burrito and I see way too many people being overly excited about him going back to fighting when/ if he gets better. No. Please, no. Levi is not a killing machine. There is so much more to him than just being a soldier/ captain. But, let’s start from the beginning.

LOSS

Levi’s life has been heavily permeated with loss and abandonment since he was born. Kuchel died when he was very young, but old enough to remember her. Knowing what having love means and then losing it is devastating. To top that off, when she died, he had nowhere to go, so he just lived for, we don’t know how long, but even if it was just a few days it’s still heavy, his mother’s dead body in a small room in a brothel. After that, Levi gets saved (let’s put it like that) by Kenny, who teaches him how to survive, but eventually (yes, for a sensible reason) he abandons him, too. Levi learns the reason only after it is disclosed by Kenny many years later, but up until that point Levi only knows he was abandoned and that’s it. His life in the Underground can’t have been easy, not matter how skillful a gangster he was. I feel suicidal if there are more than three days in a row with no sunshine, he lived with no light for years. There he has two friends, Farlan and Isabel, whom he also loses after they’d joined Erwin. He’s left with two people he’s close to – Erwin and Hange, and he’s also left with that damn syringe Kenny gave him, which eventually led him to decide who lives and who dies. The syringe was an insane cycle. Levi gets it from Kenny, gives it to Erwin and Erwin now only entrusts Levi with the fucking thing, he also entrusts him with the decision to use it as he see fit. And, yet again, Levi loses the person he deeply cares about – Erwin, just this time it was Levi’s decision. Like, fuck. Now, these are just some major losses in his life, but we can’t forget about his comrades and the life he leads as a soldier.

IDENTITY

For the longest time he lived he was Levi, just Levi, not even knowing his last name. Then he becomes Heichou and Levi Heichou and only later in the story he is someone with full identity – Levi Ackerman. There are many other things that constitute our identity more deeply than our name, but our names are the first things we learn about ourselves. I guess we have them for a reason. Another important part of his identity is Humanity’s Strongest, and while he does deserve it, it’s vital we see beyond it – he’s a human person. It’s also vital to take a look at how much pressure this puts on someone, no matter how mentally strong they are. Having only one person rely on you for something puts you under pressure – let’s try to imagine having entire humanity rely on you for, no less than, giving them freedom. We see Levi fight and we see him live, but the question is – what does he live for? Does he live for himself among other things, or is his every move carefully calculated so he could survive to go to yet another battle? Does he see himself as Humanity’s Strongest and nothing more? His current burrito-like state and the final sentence of the manga sound ominous to me, because no matter how precious someone is for the world, their inability to keep doing something they did for the longest time hopefully won’t make them lose their sense of purpose. We don’t know what is going on in Levi’s head, but for the fans, really, there is so much more depth to him. I hope that, if he can’t fight anymore, he won’t think that this is the end for him, that his purpose is lost, and I sure as hell hope the fandom won’t be disappointed, because:

SELFLESSNESS

What Levi did with Erwin when he let him go was a prime example of selflessness. There was literally nothing in it for Levi except guilt, pain and more loss. Had it been me with that syringe and one of my friends, I’d be like: Bitch, you’re getting the serum and you’re staying because I can’t face yet another loss (this is probably why no one will ever do a manga about me lol jk). Levi lets him go, he lets Erwin find peace, he puts what is most important for Erwin above everything else, himself included. Giving someone up to let them die in peace/ be happy/ find their sense of purpose/ really whatever requires superhuman effort and loads of selflessness and that’s Levi for you.

CARING

No matter if you only watched the anime or also read the manga, Levi is extremely caring towards his comrades and friends. On countless occasions he stops Mikasa from getting hurt or killed, because she’s incapable of not following her impulse. His priority is to minimize the loss of human life and he does everything he’s capable of to keep his people alive. When Eren was to seal the hole in wall Maria, we see Levi mention Hange’s group and wondering if Hange is alright more than once. He takes care of them like they’re his responsibility, he protects them and he genuinely cares.

PATIENCE

Even though he comes off as impatient and blunt, he actually rocks the role of a teacher. He takes pastor Nick to see for himself what people have gone through and he does the same with Dimo Reeves – he just talks to them, no aggression, no threats. He lets people choose, and this is really something I admire about him; he lets Eren make a choice when they face the Female Titan for the first time. He keeps saying that no one can know what the right choice is, he doesn’t force people to do as he says (okay, a small exception being Historia becoming queen).

EMOTIONAL and COMPASSIONATE

Yeah, not the first adjective you’d associate to Levi, but let’s remember his reaction when they all learn that the titans are actually humans, when he realizes he’d been killing humans all along. His reaction to Petra’s dad when they come back after fighting the Female Titan. The fact that he collected Ivan’s patch and what he told Dieter and Jurgen.

BRAVE

Okay, no need to overanalyze this, obviously, the man is the epitome of bravery, but he’s the one who assumes responsibility for Eren, when we just learn Eren can become a titan, before anyone, Eren included, knew what he, as a titan, could do. And it’s also Levi who guards Zeke, and we all know how well that ended for Levi.

MODEST

Levi doesn’t claim that he knows what the best or the right thing to do is in many situations. We don’t hear him speak a lot, but he does say more than once: “Who’s to say what the right choice is.” “Make a choice you’ll regret least”, etc. He doesn’t try to enforce (again, the situation with Historia is an exception) his views on anyone.

And so on and so forth.

So, wouldn’t you agree that it’s been enough, that he deserves to keep living in peace? I’m afraid that he’s one of the most underappreciated characters in SnK, and I claim that he’s the most tragic one, and making him a one-dimensional killing machine simply isn’t fair. Levi is a deep, multi-leveled character and he deserves all the appreciation we can give him. And I can’t emphasize this enough - he’s human.

If Levi can’t fight anymore, his role won’t be any less vital - he’s already done a fuckton of things for humanity, maybe more than anyone, both as a soldier and as a person.

He deserves happiness and peace, he’s got Hange by his side (if I’m inspired and not lazy I might write a few things about Hange these days, I feel they’re also quite underappreciated), which is a good start. Levi is comprised of unbelievably many qualities we don’t see in people too often, please pay more attention to him.

I will wholeheartedly support fanart and fanfics that give Levi and Hange happiness and if I do write more fanfic, I solemnly swear the two will always be happy. And if it’s okay to ask, Isayama, please, do the same.

#shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #levihan #snk spoilers 125 #hange zoë #attack on titan #levi heichou #snk 125

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magnustesla · 5 years ago

Photo

Kakairu Fanfic - If You Fall, I Will Catch You

Rating: Explicit

Content Warning: Mental health issues, explicit sex

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Cuddles, Injury Recovery, Non Penetrative Sex, Frottage, Rimming, Established Relationship, Light Angst, Panic Attacks

Short Chapter Excerpt: Iruka may have fallen back to sleep, lulled by the gentle sound of water running from Kakashi's shower but, it was not a pleasant sleep. He was plagued by a nightmare that felt like it was never ever going to go away, constantly stuck in a loop, replaying that fateful evening over and over as though he were trapped in a cruel genjutsu.

Fanart by @i-drive-a-nii-san

Read the whole fic below this cut:

The morning light trickled into the bedroom, creeping through the gap in the curtains, slowly making its way across Iruka's pillow, reflecting off his dark chocolate strands of hair before settling over his face as the morning sun rose up into the sky.

Iruka scrunched his eyes shut even tighter, pressing his face further into the pillow, trying to keep the sun out of his eyes. “Hmnn, too early. Kashi?” he mumbled quietly into his pillow. “Are you awake?”

No answer.

Turning his head, he looked over to where Kakashi slept, where he should be right now. Iruka furrowed his brows and just before he was about to start panicking, he heard the distinct sound of water running in the bathroom.

Calm down Iruka. He's just gone for a shower. You're okay and you're safe. He let out a breath that he didn't realise he was even holding and let the sound of running water calm his frayed nerves as he drifted back off to sleep.

****

Iruka may have fallen back to sleep, lulled by the gentle sound of water running from Kakashi's shower but, it was not a pleasant sleep. He was plagued by a nightmare that felt like it was never ever going to go away, constantly stuck in a loop, replaying that fateful evening over and over as though he were trapped in a cruel genjutsu.

Everything felt so real. The cool evening breeze blowing over his skin, the sharp sting of kunai biting into flesh. And the absolute horror and fear as he surged forward to cover Naruto as the giant fuma shuriken embedded itself into his spine.

And then, he screamed.

“Iruka…”

As he came to and realised he was being held down, panic set in. Iruka felt like he couldn't breathe, as though something was constricting around his chest getting tighter and tighter on each exhale. Where's Kakashi? H... He promised he'd always be here. A strangled sob escaped his throat and then the tears started to fall. All he could hear was the sound of his heart rapidly thumping and then… singing, a soft voice cut through the haze of panic and the sound of blood rushing in his ears.

“Can you save me now? I am with you, I will carry you through it all.”

Iruka took a shuddering breath and felt calm washing over him. He knew that voice.

“I won't leave you, I will catch you, when you feel like letting go…”

He felt fingers carefully carding through his hair as he listened to that beautiful voice. Kakashi. He was with right there with Iruka, catching him and helping him through his trauma.

“Because you're not, you're not alone…,” Kakashi sang gently. “I'm here, Ru. Always.”

Turning his head towards the voice, Iruka looked through teary eyes and up into the face of his fiance who continued stroking his hair, smiling softly. Warmth flooded Iruka's veins upon seeing that smile, the panic and tension completely washing away, leaving his body feeling tired and absolutely wrung out.

“Kashi, I-” Iruka hiccuped, his hands clutching desperately at Kakashi's top. “I'm sorry.”

“Why are you apologising, Ru? You don't have anything to be sorry for.” Kakashi cupped Iruka’s face, gently brushing away the tears with his thumbs as they began to fall again. “Shhh, it’s okay.”

Iruka tried to push up onto his elbows, wanting a kiss but, the searing pain along his back stopped him in his tracks, making him wince.

“Iruka, stop moving. You might tear your incision if you haven't already. Lay still and let me look,” Kakashi ordered, pulling up Iruka's pajama top to expose the injury.

“Is it okay, Kakashi?” Iruka asked. He felt Kakashi tense up behind him, killing intent suddenly flooding the bedroom and then vanishing just as quick.

“Not quite,” he ground out, clearly trying to keep his voice level whilst he assessed the small amount of damage that Iruka had done during his panic attack. “The wound has reopened slightly in the middle but, the staples are still in place. I think I can heal it.” Bringing his hand directly over the wound, Kakashi let chakra flow to his hand, the green healing light of the mystical palm technique glowing softly as Iruka's skin started to knit back together.

Iruka fisted the bed sheets, a soft whine escaping his throat as he felt the healing jutsu taking effect. It had been four weeks since Mizuki had injured him and although it still hurt, the physical pain was much less than the emotional pain of betrayal. Mizuki had been his friend since they were kids and, while they had grown apart in recent years, he never once imagined that he would literally stab him in the back.

“I can hear you thinking. Stop blaming yourself, Ru. You couldn't have known that he would turn traitor. Thanks to you, Naruto is alive and safe.” Kakashi let the healing jutsu in his hand fade out. “All done. Please be careful, we don't need it opening up again.”

Kakashi pulled Iruka's pajama top back down and helped to carefully manoeuvre him over and onto his back, head propped up with soft feather pillows.

“Thanks, Kashi. Do you think Naruto is okay? I'm worried about him.”

“Maa, he's fine. I saw him yesterday at Ichiraku’s, stuffing his face. He told me to tell you that you need to get better quick so that you can take him out for ramen.”

Iruka chuckled and shook his head, a small smile gracing his tear-stained face. “Sounds about right.” And, at the mention of food, his stomach grumbled loudly.

“I'd hazard a guess that someone is hungry, ne?”

Iruka's face flushed fiercely and, try as he might, he couldn't will the blood away from his beet red cheeks. The more he tried to get his blush under control, the worse it got and before he knew it, his entire face and chest felt like it was on fire, burning with embarrassment.

A smile split Kakashi's face, both eyes crinkling in amusement. “Maa, no need to be so embarrassed. You never blush when you're enjoying me eating your-”

“Kakashi! Does your mind ever leave the gutter?”

Grinning, Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, adopting his usual slouch, and sauntered lazily out of the bedroom, heading to the kitchen to make breakfast.

The faint clanging of plates and saucepans from the kitchen had Iruka drifting into his thoughts. He would never admit it but, he enjoyed Kakashi's teasing. The man was smart, funny, and very quick-witted; something that he really enjoyed in a partner. Iruka found that very few people stimulated his mind like Kakashi.

After his parents died, the Third Hokage had taken Iruka under his wing, teaching him about everything and anything. It kept his mind busy and helped him work through his crushing depression. It was also the reason Kakashi had come into his life; accidentally catching the teen ANBU in a complex trap that he'd learned from one of the scrolls that had been gifted to him. Iruka would forever be grateful for everything that the Hokage had done for him.

The bed dipped next to Iruka, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“I made your favourite breakfast,” Kakashi said. “Miso soup, pan seared salmon and one of those oranges that you love. You know, from that little village on the border before The Land of Hot Water.” He slid the tray of food onto Iruka's lap and helped him sit up, carefully slinging an arm behind Iruka to take the strain off his still healing back.

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably starve.” Kakashi laughed, disappearing into back the kitchen and returning to sit next to Iruka with his own tray of food.

Iruka rolled his eyes and couldn't help but laugh, too. They ate in silence, Iruka occasionally stealing a sneaky glance at his fiance, eyes roaming across the pale skin on show. What did I do to deserve someone as special and beautiful as you? For as long as he was alive, Iruka fully intended to make sure that Kakashi knew how much he was loved and appreciated.

****

“It won’t stop, Kashi,” Iruka whined, desperately trying to contort himself in a way that would allow him to reach his back injury. The staples had been irritating his skin to the point where, if he could reach, he would have most likely scratched himself until he bled.

Kakashi tilted his head at Iruka’s comment, wordlessly asking him to elaborate.

“The itching,” Iruka said.

He continued frantically trying to reach behind himself when all of a sudden, calloused hands gripped his arms, tugging them both forward and pulling him against a solid chest. Iruka looked up to find to mismatched eyes glaring down at him in irritation. “I only healed that an hour ago, Ru,” Kakashi grumbled, his deep voice rumbling in obvious displeasure.

“Why couldn't Tsunade have just healed the entire thing with chakra? The staples are irritating and itching so much,” Iruka complained, pouting and looking every bit like a scolded child.

“You know why, Ru. It's better for your body to finish the rest of the healing rather than rely on chakra for the entire thing,” Kakashi said as he brushed Iruka’s hair back and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.

Iruka understood the reasoning. After all, he had spent a lot of time caring for Kakashi due to the number of injuries he had sustained over the years. But, despite that, being forced to rest, unable to do anything for himself was a huge loss of independence. Sure, Kakashi had been more than happy to help and seemed to enjoy fussing over him but, he couldn’t help feeling like a burden.

With a sigh, Kakashi released Iruka and leaned over to his side of the bed, rummaging through his nightstand. “Hmmm, where is it? I'm sure I put it in here,” he said, sounding irritated.

“Where’s what?” Iruka asked, trying to peek over Kakashi’s shoulder at what he was searching for.

“My jar of healing cream. Ah found it! Now, strip down to your underwear and get on your stomach,” Kakashi demanded, a small smirk on his face.

Iruka started pulling his clothes off, first sliding his sleep shorts down his thighs, then kicking them to the floor in a heap. He went to take his pajama top off but paused, his breath quickening. Kakashi had seen his body after being taken to hospital but, he'd mostly been covered by bandages. He had only seen Iruka's back for the second time this morning.

The night that Mizuki had attacked him, it hadn't just been with the giant fuma shuriken. Dozens of kunai, some poisoned, had pierced his skin, leaving behind many deep, red, angry scars that littered his entire body, especially his arms, stomach, and back. A few of the wounds had become necrotic from the poison, eating away at his flesh and needing debridement, leaving extensive scarring behind.

Iruka's mouth was suddenly very dry, his stomach lurching and breakfast threatening to make a reappearance. He knew what his body looked like now and had been disgusted by what he’d seen. What if Kakashi was disgusted, too?

His heart started racing, hands shaking and clutching at the hem of his pajama top as though it were his only lifeline. Suddenly, there were warm hands on his, gently easing his grip and lacing their fingers together.

“I could never be disgusted, Ru.”

Shit. Had he said that out loud?

“Scars don't matter. They are a part of you and there isn't anything about you that I don't love. You're beautiful to me and nothing will ever change that,” Kakashi whispered and brought Iruka's hand up to his mouth, lips brushing across his knuckles. He continued, pressing kisses to the scars along the inside of Iruka's forearm, right up to the inside of his elbow, hot breath fanning across the sensitive skin.

Iruka's breath hitched and his eyes fluttered shut, the sensation going straight to his groin. Never would he have thought that the inside of his elbow could be an erogenous zone. He opened his eyes to find Kakashi looking at him, gaze heated, clearly enjoying the reactions he was getting. Before Iruka could say anything, Kakashi gave a predatory grin, and suddenly there was a warm, wet, tongue tracing the crease of his elbow. “Fuck,” Iruka gasped. Kakashi had barely done anything to him, and already he was so hard that it was almost painful.

“Mmmm not just yet,” Kakashi said, voice thick with arousal. He placed a wet kiss to Iruka’s arm and pulled the top up and over his head, exposing Iruka’s gorgeous bronze skin. “On your stomach, now.”

Iruka didn’t need to be told twice and he settled down on his front, head resting on the pillow underneath. He could practically feel Kakashi’s gaze roving over his trembling body.

Kakashi leaned back on his knees, opened the jar and dipped his fingers in before returning it to the nightstand. He straddled Iruka's hips and carefully applied the cream, tracing the edges of the wound and making sure to be mindful of the staples holding the delicate skin together.

“It looks awful, doesn’t it?”

Sweeping Iruka’s long hair aside, Kakashi leaned forward and placed a kiss on his shoulder. “You could never-” Kakashi paused, kissing further down -”ever look awful.” He continued to place kisses down Iruka’s spine, pausing between each one to whisper all the reasons Iruka was beautiful.

Eager hands worked their way back up; sometimes gently tracing Iruka’s spine and other times, nails biting into unmarred flesh, raking down his sides followed by Kakashi’s tongue lavishing new scars. Being unable to see where Kakashi’s hands were, and where they would touch next, had Iruka on edge, his skin breaking out in goosebumps and his body quivering in anticipation.

It felt wonderful having Kakashi’s hands and tongue all over him, adding to the fire already burning, the heat simmering under his skin and curling low in his stomach. Before Iruka could stop himself he was pressing his hips into the mattress, desperate for a little friction to ease his aching cock.

“Someone's excited,” Kakashi teased, running his tongue along the shell of Iruka’s ear. He could feel Kakashi was hard as he began rolling his hips, pressing himself firmly against the cleft of Iruka’s ass.

Iruka was so turned on that he couldn't even begin to feel embarrassed as he reached one hand into his underwear, groaning as he took himself in hand.

They both rocked together on the bed, panting harshly; Iruka pushing his hips down into the mattress so he could grind into his hand and Kakashi straddling him, thrusting his clothed cock against Iruka's ass.

“Please, Kakashi,” Iruka begged, although he wasn't quite sure what for. All he could think about was how he was certain he'd burn up if he didn't get it.

Kakashi let out a groan and dropped forward onto both hands, his warm breath ghosting against the back of Iruka's neck. “We shouldn't,” he said. Although, his actions said otherwise, as he pulled Iruka's underwear off before sliding his own down, throwing them somewhere across the room along with his top and settled between Iruka's legs.

Iruka tried to push his hips back but, Kakashi pressed him back down into the mattress, gently spreading Iruka’s ass open and exposing him. He tried to voice his complaint but was silenced by the feeling of Kakashi's hot breath against his skin and then his tongue pressing firm, slow strokes against his entrance.

“Kashi!” Iruka gasped out, pushing back and fucking himself on Kakashi's tongue. “Just- fuck -needmoredeeper- ngh -yeslikethat.”

Kakashi spread Iruka's legs wider, his grip on Iruka’s ass almost bruising as he pressed his face closer, pushing his tongue deeper inside of Iruka's body and then used his lips to just suck.

Almost incoherent and sobbing with need, Iruka couldn't think beyond wanting Kakashi inside him. He so desperately wanted to be filled, stretched wide and to surrender to everything Kakashi had to give.

Kakashi pushed back onto his knees, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Leaning back over Iruka, he thrust his throbbing cock between Iruka's ass cheeks and groaned against his neck. “You feel so good, Ru. I could come just like this.” He continued to thrust against Iruka's body, panting into his shoulder before his teeth sunk in, causing Iruka to cry out. “On your back. Now.”

Impatient hands helped Iruka roll over and just as he opened his mouth to talk, he was silenced by Kakashi greedily pushing his tongue inside as though he meant to consume him.

Moaning into the kiss, Iruka wrapped his legs around Kakashi's waist and pulled him close, grinding their hips together, enjoying the push and pull of sweat-slick skin. Kakashi pulled his mouth away and growled into Iruka's throat. He opened his mouth, laving his tongue against Iruka's pulse and sucked a mark into his skin. “Mine,” he growled.

Iruka slid his hands up Kakashi's neck and into his wild hair, winding fingers into silver strands and yanking him up and into a bruising kiss, teeth clacking together in his desperation to devour Kakashi.

With reluctance, Kakashi pulled away from the kiss and started to slide down Iruka's body. He paid attention to a couple of new scars just below Iruka’s collarbone, gently tracing them with his fingertips.

An unexpected flick of Kakashi's tongue against his nipple had Iruka gasping and pulling Kakashi's head closer. He looked down just in time to see Kakashi suck his nipple between kiss bruised lips, the sensation sending a bolt of desire straight to his cock. Iruka's hands tightened in Kakashi's hair, but instead of complaint at the pain, it pulled a throaty moan out of him, his eyelashes fluttering as his eyes rolled back in his head.

Iruka kept his tight grip on Kakashi's hair as though he was trying to anchor himself to something, anything, lest he float away. Wet kisses against heated flesh only served to fuel his desire as Kakashi continued working his way down, worshipping every new scar, slowly driving Iruka out of his head.

Hands gripped his hips and Iruka tilted them upwards, spreading his legs in wordless invitation. He took in a shuddering breath and gazed up at the sight before him - beautiful pale skin flushed pink and eyes blown wide in lust. Kakashi was so open like this, his body always honest even when he himself was not.

Reaching under his pillow, Iruka grabbed the lube and pressed the bottle into Kakashi's hand. “Please, I need you.”

He watched as Kakashi poured lube into his hand and shifted forward, their hard cocks brushing together as he wrapped a hand around them both, slicking them up and slowly stroking them together. Iruka gripped the sheets, knuckles turning white, enjoying the feeling of Kakashi's hand moving between their bodies.

Dropping forward onto one hand, Kakashi held himself above Iruka, lips almost touching and breaths mingling together.

Determined to pull some sounds from Kakashi, Iruka raked his nails down Kakashi's chest and tugged at both nipples, the action earning him a low groan, Kakashi stroking them harder, and picking up the pace.

“More,” Iruka choked out.

Suddenly Kakashi came to an abrupt stop, pulling one of Iruka’s hands down between them. He took the hint, curling his hand around Kakashi's. The sensation felt amazing and Iruka couldn't help but start pushing his hips up, Kakashi matching his thrusts, both fucking into their joined fists.

Trying to stifle a moan, Iruka looked up at Kakashi, desperately hoping that he was close.

He was hanging on by a thread and couldn't hold back much longer, the warmth curling low in his stomach threatening to consume him.

“I want to hear you,” Kakashi all but begged.

Curses fell from his lips followed by guttural moans, the sounds only serving to spur Kakashi on, his hips starting to lose any semblance of rhythm as he trembled above Iruka, drawing ever so close to the edge.

“I… I'm so close, fuck- ” Iruka whined, gripping them both together. - “Come for me, please, please. ”

Kakashi captured Iruka's lips in a wet and messy kiss, full of urgency as his hips started stuttering. Tracing the curve of his ass, Iruka pushed the pad of his thumb against Kakashi's entrance, enjoying the way he groaned into their kiss as he came with a grunt, his orgasm painting Iruka's scarred stomach and chest.

Seeing Kakashi come all over him was all it took to push Iruka over the edge. And then, he was coming, coming so hard it was almost painful, mouth falling open in a silent cry as his release joined Kakashi's upon his chest.

Iruka felt his entire body become boneless and suddenly he was fighting back a yawn. He looked up to find Kakashi smiling at him.

“That good, huh?” Kakashi asked, leaning in for a chaste kiss before pushing himself up and scooting to the side of the bed.

“Mmm, yes,” Iruka said. He hadn't felt this relaxed since some time before the graduation exams. Maybe Kakashi is right - sex is a good stress reliever. The thought had him snorting with laughter.

“What's so funny?” Kakashi said as he got up, heading towards the bathroom attached to their bedroom.

“Oh, nothing really. Just thinking about how you are slowly corrupting me,” Iruka called out. “You know, we were told not to have sex until my staples are out and I'm cleared by Tsunade.”

Kakashi returned with a warm, damp cloth and started to carefully clean off Iruka's chest and stomach. He was very mindful of a few scars that were still red, almost raw from slow healing. “Maa, you started it. And, who was I to say no?”

“Asshole.”

“But I'm your asshole,” Kakashi teased, joining Iruka back on the bed, pressing his naked body flush against Iruka's side and slinging an arm across his freshly cleaned chest.

Iruka huffed a laugh and turned to look at Kakashi. He would be forever thankful for how much Kakashi had supported him, even if at times he could be a little over the top, acting like a mother hen and fussing 24/7. Not that Iruka blamed him. He had almost died, after all the first 48 hours had been touch and go due to the severity of his spinal injury, blood loss and the poison coursing through his body, attacking vital organs.

Of course, he had no memory of this and could only go by what Kakashi and his friends had told him. But, according to them, he had crashed twice within an hour of being taken to the hospital. Shortly after, the medics had admitted they were out of their depth and needed help. The Third Hokage hadn't hesitated in sending a team out to locate Tsunade Senju. And thank Kami he had, because he wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for her unrivaled medical skill.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Huh? Wha- Oh. Nothing, Kashi.” Iruka said. “I'm fine.”

Kakashi arched a brow, giving Iruka a skeptical look. Iruka could tell that he wasn't buying it but was thankful that Kakashi never pushed. He'd talk when he was ready.

“Hmm, if you say so,” Kakashi replied, squeezing Iruka's hand. “C’mon, let's get up and dressed.”

****

“What do you want to watch, Kashi?” Iruka asked, voice carrying from the lounge into the kitchen where Kakashi was making coffee.

“I don't mind, Ru. Whatever you want to watch is fine by me.”

Iruka decided on one of the Icha Icha films. It wasn't really his sort of thing usually but, the storyline was light-hearted with some funny moments mixed in. Definitely nothing like the books that Kakashi read which were very explicit. He didn't think he would manage to watch the films without blushing and squirming in embarrassment if they had actually followed the books. Kakashi would enjoy watching him get flustered and most certainly would tease him relentlessly. Wouldn't change him for the world, though.

“Found something to watch, Ru?”

Iruka looked up from where he was crouched in front of the television as Kakashi padded into the room, carefully placing their drinks onto the coffee table. Pressing play on the video player, he simply nodded and tried to get back up off the floor. Spending so much time laid up in hospital had atrophied his muscles and so, at times Iruka struggled to get up from the floor.

“There's nothing wrong in asking for help,” Kakashi said. He bent forward, slinging an arm around Iruka's slim waist and carefully pulled him to his feet. “You'll be starting physical therapy once you're cleared. Things won't be this way forever, Ru.”

“I just… you shouldn't have to do this.” Iruka sighed, slumping down on the sofa, burying his face in his hands. Tears started gathering and he bit back a sob.

"He's right, I'm a failure, I-" He shook his head when Kakashi began to speak. "I can't even help myself off the ground, Kakashi, why should you have to? Why should you have to help me?"

Kakashi pulled Iruka against his chest, his hands softly carding through long strands of dark hair and whispered against his temple “Because you're my partner and because I love you.” He continued stroking Iruka’s hair, the gesture soothing, helping to calm him down. “You've done this for me enough times so please, let me in. Let me love you.”

Tugging the blanket off the back of the sofa, Kakashi pulled it over Iruka, urging him to lay his head in his lap as he began to sing softly. “I won't leave you, I will catch you, when you feel like letting go…”

Iruka looked up and almost choked up at the fond smile and the absolute warmth and sincerity he could see in Kakashi's eyes. Maybe, just maybe he means it.

“Because you're not, you're not alone…,”

“Thank you, Kashi,” Iruka whispered, eyes heavy as he drifted off to the sound of his partners voice.

What would I do without you?

#kakairu #kakairu fanfic #iruka umino #kakashi hatake #my writing

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vidaflxwer · 4 years ago

Note

norman!! of course :-)

ahhhh thank you so much for giving me an excuse to heavily dote on norman, i appreciate it!

(this post got insanely long the more i worked on it i am so unbelievably sorry in advance, i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about my son)

favorite thing about norman: what isn’t there to love about norman is the real question? how caring he is for absolutely all of the kids? his ridiculously precious laugh? that gentle smile he always gives everyone to make them feel better? how he made sure, before he was gonna get shipped out, that emma knew of ray’s plan and could stop it because he didn’t want either of them to die if he was going to? i could go on and on. there’s so much to this kid that you can love, but i will say at the end of the day, my favorite thing about norman was how his only wish was to live a happy life with emma and ray. like can we all just take a moment to appreciate how unbelievably wholesome that is? even when he was that little, while emma wanted to get outside to ride a giraffe and ray wanted to see art museums (i believe that’s what the wiki said, please correct me if i’m wrong), norman just wanted to live with them. he loved his best friends that much already at that young of an age and i think that’s absolutely my favorite thing about him. he never really wanted much out of his life, he just wanted to be with the two people he loved more than anything and i think that’s so underappreciated? and i think it makes all of the moments the trio spends together even sweeter, because you know that’s where norman’s at his happiest. whether it be playing tag with emma or washing dishes with ray or doing chores with the both of them, norman’s just glad to be able to live with them. and that just kills me.

least favorite thing about norman: the way that he’s so willing to sacrifice himself for everyone he loves. i do love it because it makes him such a complex character - especially when you take into account that all he wants to do is live - but it shatters my heart every single time when i think about it. i guess it’s not really my least favorite thing about him, because, in all honesty, i don’t really think i could have a least favorite thing about him. i think it’s just that i know what that feels like all too well and i don’t want norman to have to suffer like that. i know i made a whole post about this on his birthday but i always wished that the promised neverland had existed when i was younger and i’d been able to find it, since i needed a character like norman in my life. i know it would’ve been so comforting for me back then to have been able to read about him. and i think this is why i cried so hard when norman finally gave up his william minerva persona. because it really is a hard thing to do, to rely on other people, when all you want to do is protect them. when all you want is for them to look at you and know that they don’t have to worry about you for a second, and that you’ll take care of everything for them. it hurts me how much i could relate to that personally. i just wish norman had learned sooner that he doesn’t have to become a god, so to speak, because it is such a hard lesson to learn and one that has an epiphany i think the promised neverland captured perfectly. so that’d be my least favorite thing about him, but i still really appreciate that his character is like that because, while i don’t want him to suffer, it resonated a lot with me.

favorite line: you see, norman has pretty much all of my favorite quotes in the entirety of the promised neverland, so picking a single one has always been really hard. back when i read the original translation, my favorite quote used to be “even if i do have the devil to pay, i don’t mind” which is no longer how that quote actually goes, unfortunately, but i loved it so much. though “bring this neverland to and end” and “that’s why i can smile as i go to meet my death” are a few of my other favorites! there’s so many more but this post’s going to get so ridiculously overwhelmed if i talk about all of them so yeah!

brOTP: i’ve talked to my sister about this before but norman and gilda deserve to interact more because i know, i just know, that if norman had escaped with them, he and gilda would’ve been the emma protection duo. like just imagine the two of them scheming ways to keep emma safe behind the scenes. i think it’d be the absolute cutest thing in the entire world so yeah, norman and gilda! i’m really sad they never got that many interactions with each other in canon but there’s always fanfiction so i’ll probably have to remedy that asap. i could also just imagine them lovingly talking about emma for hours and hours on end, just sighing with each other like, “isn’t she the best?” while ray’s just there in the background like, “why are you two like this?”. i’d also like to imagine gilda sometimes coming to norman for help when it comes to studying for the daily test and norman helping teach her in the library, and emma eventually coming in and joining in. i saw fanart once of norman with his arm around gilda so i feel like that’s what fueled this wholesome friendship but i wish they could’ve been closer friends. thank you for coming to my mini ted talk.

OTP: as much as i adore norray, the dynamic of noremma is really interesting to me and that adds a whole other layer of angst to it so i’d have to say noremma, if i had to pick one? but i love norray too. i think, for me, what was really appealing about shipping noremma when i first started shipping it wasn’t the obvious “because i love her” in the translations i read back then, but more so the scene before norman gets shipped out when he’s talking about how much he admires emma? and i believe in the letter from norman light novel, there was a section where norman talked about wanting to be more like emma and i think that’s just really ridiculously precious and hurts, in more ways than one? because he wants to believe in emma so badly but, at the same time, has this fear that her idealism might not be enough to save her in the end but if he could, he would be more like her. i think i touched upon this briefly in a fic i wrote once but i think that one of the reasons norman stopped taking that medication that was supposed to suppress whatever was wrong with him at lambda was because he didn’t want to live to see the aftermath of what he’d done to hurt emma. that’s another reason i think that his “i’ll gladly become god or the devil, emma” line is so interesting because she only ever says “you don’t have to become a god”. but he knew that his actions would hurt her, and while it seemed like in that moment he didn’t care, it was clear that he did. okay i didn’t mean to make this a whole analysis for their dynamic but basically, read my fic blindsided if you really wanna get the full understanding of why i think they’re such an interesting ship. and why norman’s love for her breaks my heart into a million pieces.

nOTP: i can’t really think of any, off the top of my head? i’m pretty lenient when it comes to ships, especially with the promised neverland, i’ve realized. i don’t know why because i used to be like, “this ship is the only good ship and actively avoid content of every other ship” but nah. especially with norman, so long as my boy’s happy and loved, that’s all i care about.

random headcanon: i have so many random headcanons about norman but this post is getting really long so i’ll just say my favorite one! it’s that norman, back at gracefield, used to be the designated bedtime storyteller. before the anime even aired, i always headcanoned that norman had this very sweet, soft voice that would lull the kids easily to sleep so i think that might’ve been where this one stemmed from. plus i’d like to think that norman just has a natural talent for storytelling. i don’t know why but i feel like he’d be able to create the most beautiful stories right on the spot and now i feel like i’m almost starting to write a fanfic so i’ll stop there but yeah! feel free to ask if you want more though because i have way too many headcanons for this boy.

unpopular opinion: i have no idea what in the heck is an unpopular opinion about norman to begin with. is saying that i liked when people used to draw him with blonde hair an unpopular opinion? can hair color even be an unpopular opinion? i don’t really know how to answer this question because i don’t know what’s an unpopular opinion about norman so i’m sorry!

song i associate with norman: sinking man by of monsters and men as of late has been my go to norman song, but lover, please stay by nothing but thieves was my original norman song. when he’s with his lambda squad though, do it all the time by i don’t know how but they found me is the perfect chaotic norman song. there

favorite picture of norman: pretty much every single picture of him smiling because it genuinely makes me sob tears of joy to see my son happy but, by far, my favorite picture has to be this one. nothing, and i mean nothing, will ever top the amount of tears i’ve shed over this panel and how ridiculously happy it makes me because just look at him! look at how happy he is! i remember the day this chapter came out and this panel broke me in the best way so it will always, always remain as my favorite picture of norman for as long as i live.

#mei rambles #tpn spoilers #jesus christ #i am so sorry to whoever asked this #i restrained myself as much as i could but oh my god this is SUCH A LONG POST

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kikutrashcan · 5 years ago

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Inktober/Spirktober (part 3)

What do you mean, it’s February already ? Doesn’t matter ! I still have a lot of theme to go through, and I indend to ! You guys can take this as a gift for Valentine’s day ! (what-? Valentine’s day’s over too ? Oh, man.) The drawings are taking me more and more time to complete, as I’m trying to get better at backgrounds. Also, I’m having fun experimenting with new supplies ! (what is money anyway)

Hope you’ll like it ! Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone ! <3

(Also, I’m considering posting the drawings one by one, instead of doing a master post every 5-6 drawings. What do you think ?)

[Part 1 and Part 2 here !]

Day 14 : Soulmate AU - Or the AU that wasn’t actually an AU because they are soulmates, it’s canon, thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Spock unlocks Spock!Prime’s memories stuck inside Jim’s head through a mind meld, and both of them realise they’re actually each other’s T’hy’la

I think this is my favourite drawing of Spirktober. I’ve always loved the concept of T’hy’la, of a universal constant that it’s Jim and Spock’s destiny to meet in any reality. Same thing for the idea of Spock!Prime accidentally giving some memories of his relationship with his captain to Jim, like “Woops, sorry bro, you weren’t supposed to see that, lol” Also, mind meld ? Yeah, man, awesome stuff. It was also fun drawing scenes seen in the movies, love it !

I also want to credit @t8oo and @djiange as I used some of their marvelous drawings as references (because I don’t know how to draw people kissing and... hands ?? Wtf are hands, anyway ???). If you like Spirk, I advise you to go check their art, it’s beautiful.

Day 15 : Furry AU - Captain Puppy!Kirk and his First Officer Cat!Spock go through purrfect adventures (okay, that was terrible).

I was really anxious about this theme as I’m not really into furries, and i’m usually terrible at drawing animals. But while searching for some references, I stumbled onto some Zootopia fanarts, and realized a drawing mimicking Disney’s animal style could work ! Overall, it was pretty fun to do, even if that’s not the drawing I love most. I also didn’t really know what to do with the background, but I decided to keep it for maybe later, just as the first drawings I did for Inktober.

Day 16 : RPG/Fantasy AU - Princes Spock and Kirk decide to team up to beat up the dangerous creature terrorizing the fantasy world.

I spent weeks on this drawing, because I actually didn’t know what to do ! I did a bunch of sketches, but I was never really satisfied. I also wanted to do a more elaborate background, maybe showing the inside of a cave, but I didn’t feel like doing it. But this is also were Clip Studio came into play ! I downloaded it some time ago, and it’s absolutely amazing, especially thanks to the 3D models, that can help create references. It’s a blessing for me as I usually rely on pictures and fanarts found on the Internet. I also brought back the outfits from the Fairy Tales AU, because I really like them, and they fit in this theme too ! All in all, a difficult drawing that came up to be pretty fun when I knew what I was doing (so... rarely).

Day 17 : Mirrorverse - Everyone fears James T. Kirk, captain of the ISS Enterprise, and his First Officer Spock, who seems to hate his captain as much as he loves him.

You guys, I looooove the Mirror Universe. Especially the kind of love/hate relationship between Kirk and Spock. I had a bunch of ideas for this drawing, but I preferred to keep this first idea : the menacing captain who seems to be in charge, but is in fact hidding a much greater threat, who could make him the most powerful man on Terra by killing all of his enemies, as much as just snapping his neck at the first sign of betrayal (what do you mean, it’s not what happened in TOS ?). I love this drawing. I think the red pen as well as the blue and gold glitters were perfect for this.

Also, the uniforms were mainly inspired by @leifor‘s art for her fanfic trilogy “Mirror, Wall, Door” which I absolutely adore. Go check it out, it’s awesome.

Day 18 : Heroes/Villains AU - Jim, San Fransisco’s most popular hero, keeps tracking Spock, a Vulcan villain and his rival, to make him turn and get him to the good side.

Honestly, what is a background ? I really liked the concept of this drawing, and I like the foreground, but getting started on the background was so hard, because I wasn’t sure of what I was doing. I’m bad at this. However, designing heroes/villains outfits for Kirk and Spock was really fun. And yet again, I can’t resist putting glitters all over the place. Anyone that looked at my drawing was very surprised because “Kirk’s got a BELLY” “Of course, he does ! It’s Kirk ! He’s chubby”. I love his tum. But for some reason, Spock seems smaller on the photograph than on my drawing, and the colors of the background are really weird ? I should learn to take a correct photograph for my traditional drawings.

Next theme will be Cowboys/Spaceboys ! I already have an idea of what I’m gonna do, and I bet it’s gonna be fun !

Hope you guys have a great day/afternoon/evening !

#spirk #inktober #spirktober #star trek #jim kirk #james t kirk #spock #Spock S'chn T'gai #this is taking so much time #but there's life and even if i want to i can't just spend my days at home drawing #i wish i could #i love those two tbh

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miniherodesktales · 5 years ago

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Is fanfiction a free gift?

We’re still in the middle of the coronavirus lockdown, so please don’t mind me if I ramble on a bit. Too much free time.

I’ve been a writer of fanfiction for some time now and I feel I’ve gone on a bit of a journey concerning the issue of reviews. Or rather the lack of them. Or, to be completely honest, feeling that I was not receiving enough reviews, that I deserved more.

I know that I am alone in having felt that way. A quick Google search of “why don’t people review my fanfic?” yields plenty of results.

Whatever their reasons, readers don’t always wish to write a review.

What is perhaps a little more interesting is to look at why we writers want reviews.

Reflecting purely on my own feelings, I felt a strong amount of ownership over my fanfics and it niggled at me that readers would read my precious story and not even give - GIVE- me a thank you. It felt like something was being taken from me, even though it wasn’t.

Give is the key word here. I was not happy with the idea that anyone could just read the fruits of my creativity and not give me something in return. I didn’t just want my fanfics to be free, I wanted something in return. In a way I wanted to be paid, to maintain my ownership. To make sure that the readers were not going to get something for free.

Again, I know that I was far from alone in feeling that way. I’ve seen writers go to great lengths to encourage - pressure - their readers into reviewing. I’ve seen the angry tumblr posts insisting that fanficton is not free, that it is the readers job to review. I’ve seen bitter posts shaming readers for their lack of reviews. I’ve seen writers demanding and begging and bargaining.

The word “payment” crops up time and time again. “Be kind”, “Make my day”, “I’m writing something you enjoy, so pay me back by reviewing.”

It’s not pleasant feeling like that. It’s angry and bitter and lonely and frustrating.

I was so over feeling like that, and to be honest, I did not want to be like the really frustrated writers who feel that they have vent on social media. They can’t be very happy. It’s understandable, but it’s not healthy, either.

I had to change my attitude. So, I gave up looking at how many followers I had and how much traffic my fics were receiving. I am feel grateful to those who do review and remind myself that I would not want the pressure of having too many reviewers and trying to please them all.

I also have to acknowledge that having increased hours at work has helped a lot. It keeps me busier, less bored, and left me feeling better about myself.

This leads me onto my second reason for craving reviews: social interaction.

I feel a little embarrassed to admit this, but I think I mistakenly felt that fanfic sites should be a place to interact with people, but they’re not very good for that. At least, they’re not in my experience.

I am lucky in that I have my siblings, particularly my sister, who I can share fandom with. Friday Night is Sisterly Nerd Night, Sometimes With Older Brother and Very Occasionally Youngest Sister. I love my sibling nerds to bits.

By being part of a fandom it meant that I no longer rely on someone leaving a review who may wish to chat and share the joy of a common interest.This is a rarity.

The biggest change in my attitude came from learning to view my fanfics as a free gift, no payment necessary. Because it is a free gift to any reader who wants it I don’t expect a review in exchange or payment. I still hope I will receive a lovely review, but I’ve learnt not to rely on them.

It’s tough, though, and I still feel a little sad and frustrated and un-motivated, but thanks to my awesome sister and a couple of regular reviewers I’m learning to enjoy writing for the sake of writing.Thank you!

A poet called Lewis Hyde wrote a book called The Gift, an essay about the very old problem any creative person faces. How to maintain your creativity while also making a living out of it? Can monetary value ever be placed on art?

I couldn’t finish this book, it was too dry for me, but he’s also the author of another interesting book discussing the trickster archetype and how it relates to creative people.

Anyway, part of Hyde’s definition of a gift is that it should be something that is continually passed along. A Christmas present that is kept will eventually lose it’s power, it’s life, but if it is constantly being passed from person to another it will keep it’s power.

Sounds like fandom, right?

If we keep inspiring one another and keep creating then we can use our gifts to keep our favorite fandoms alive. If a fic about Captain America riding in on a stallion to rescue Iron Man inspires another person to create fanart and another to write a puppet show about it, then we have a gift in circulation that will keep breathing new life into the fandom. And Stoney is just a gift that keeps on giving.(I need more Stoney in my life, thanks to my sister!)

But, any writer that demands a review as payment or as an exchange has not really created a gift, but a commodity....I think...

Okay, I’ve reached the limited point of my own understanding. And I sound way too pretentious for own liking.

My point is that I’m a happier fanfic writer for seeing my fics as a gift. It doesn’t matter too much if people review or not. I like it when people tell me that they enjoyed my work, but I no longer see reviews as something I deserve or have the right to.

I like to think that people are reading my stories and enjoying them. It feels good to create something that people can enjoy for free.

....

Okay, so I’m laughing at myself now for my own pretentiousness. Please understand it’s been building up for a long time, seeing how frustrated and angry some writers were becoming and seeing it in myself.

Take care, everyone.

#fanfic #fanfiction #reviews #frustrated writers #pretentiousness post alert

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firelxdykatara · 5 years ago

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1, 9 and 25 for the tv show/movie ask!

TOP FIVE TV SHOWS: This changes a lot but I’ll go with the most consistent ones I can think of!

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, it’s very dated, and yes, Joss Whedon ain’t shit, but this remains one of my all-time favorite shows, and Buffy Summers remains one of my favorite characters, and there are so many episodes I can watch again and again and never get bored. It has a magic to it that even Angel could never quite capture, and I always find myself going back to it when I’m not sure what to watch but just want something that I’ll enjoy.

2. Avatar: the Last Airbender: Obviously, given my blog name, I have a deep and abiding love for this series. Is it perfect? Of course not, and there are some major things I wish were different, but overall it’s an amazing show with fantastic characters and a brilliant overarching plot, and it manages to stand up to modern scrutiny even though it’s been over a decade since it finished airing.

3. The Nanny. To this day, The Nanny is probably my favorite sitcom of all time. It was released in the 90s, but unlike a lot of sitcoms of the era (Friends immediately comes to mind, though they weren’t the worst offender) the vast majority of its humor doesn’t rely on ‘no homo’ jokes or misogyny/transphobic gags. (There are some off-color jokes, of course--it was the nineties. But this is one of the few shows where I can watch 90% of the episodes without cringing.) Most of the humor is centered around Fran’s hilarious antics, and it’s still a show I can put on whenever I need a good laugh, and it will never disappoint.

4. Leverage. I just love this show so much. A bunch of thieves come together for a job with one (1) honest man to give them a plan, and suddenly they’ve become a family who steal from the rich to give to the poor and disenfranchised and I love every since one of them. Even Nate. Plus, the ot3 is real. Hitter Hacker Thief owns my goddamn soul.

5. Person of Interest. Listen, it was a fantastic show, and yeah it got a little weird near the end, and also Joss Carter deserved better, but it had two of the most fucking cathartic and viscerally satisfying villain deaths I have ever seen in my life. “Oh, no, I’m not gonna kill you--I’m just gonna watch.” and “Now I surrender.” Just.... poetic fucking cinema, ok???

TOP FIVE CHARACTERS: Same deal, this is a list that will change frequently, but these are my most consistent faves:

1. Elena Gilbert from The Vampire Diaries. Surprising absolutely no one who was around for my TVD fandom days, or who has seen me talking about anything TVD related, Elena fucking Gilbert is my girl forever and she deserved so much better. From the show and from the gods forsaken fandom. I’m not gonna get into it cause I don’t need to be dropping thousands of words for an ask meme post, but evidently Elena was the harbinger signaling my love for orphaned brunettes with doe eyes and pain hidden behind a smile, but I just love her so goddamn much and I always will.

2. Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She saved the world. A lot. She’s my absolute favorite character from BtVS and frankly she deserved better, too--fuck absolutely everyone after Empty Places--but I just... love her so much. And her arc in season 6 means so much to me as someone constantly struggling with depression and ptsd (mine is related to childhood trauma, but that’s not beside the point). Buffy is far from perfect, and she makes mistakes, but she does the job literally no one else can do, and she’s so incredibly strong. I can’t imagine going through what she went through and not completely breaking down.

3. Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time. Ok, so not a brunette, but still a woman with severe abandonment issues who grew up believing she was an orphan and kept being punished by the show, and who definitely deserved better. (No, I’m not over the ending to season 4, and I never will be.) My one comfort is knowing that she fell in love with a man who loved and cherished and appreciated her just as much as she deserved, and she got to live a long and happy life with him and their daughter.

4. Katara from Avatar: the Last Airbender. Again probably not a surprise, given my blog, but I just. I love Katara so much. And she deserved so much better than what LoK reduced her to, and where the fuck was her statue, Bryke??? Where????? Anyway, she’s the ultimate Mom Friend who won’t hesitate to cut a bitch if they hurt her friends, and I just think she’s amazing.

5. Rogue from Marvel. Just... every version of her. Rogue was my favorite character from the original X-Men trilogy, which was my first real introduction to Marvel, and she was my favorite character in X-Men: Evolution, and by the time I finally got to actually read some of her comics I loved her even more. While I still love her in the original trilogy I also wish they’d given Anna Paquin more to work with, bc she sure fucking could have done it (and she’s even said she would’ve loved to be able to fly and punch people, and I 100% think she could’ve pulled off Rogue’s natural sass brilliantly), and she’s one of my all-time faves and has been for almost twenty years.

TOP FIVE SHIPS: -laughs nervously- i can only choose five???

1. Katara and Zuko from Avatar: the Last Airbender. Anyone who’s surprised, feel free to stand on your head. >.> LISTEN, OK, JUST LISTEN. Zuko and Katara had an amazing emotional journey in canon, and I love so much how their relationship developed, and there’s so much potential for how they could have grown as a couple and I just. This is why we have fanfic and fanart. (And frankly, I’m glad they weren’t canon--given what was done to the canon ships, I wouldn’t trust Bryke with them. I shudder to think what would’ve happened to Zutara if they were canon and Bryke was in charge of their story.)

2. Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars. Listen, we’re just gonna... ignore the last five minutes of 4x08 (and Rob Thomas can fucking bite me). I spent a decade loving these two utter fools and I finally got to see them get fucking married and they are going to live long and happy lives and Veronica’s always gonna Veronica but Logan loves her and she loves him and they’ll work through any problems they have together like mature, rational adults, and they’ll keep solving mysteries cause trouble sticks to V like a bad rash and Logan will always be there to help her, and nothing can take that away from me.

3. Emma Swan and Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time. Killian’s redemption arc is probably second only to Zuko’s, and I fucking love how much he loves Emma Swan. It’s what she deserves. They build each other up and love and cherish each other so goddamn much and I still get choked up just thinking about them. (Usually I pretend that their wedding went off without a hitch and s7 didn’t happen because there was REALLY no need. This trend of shows continuing after their female leads bail needs to stop, I’ve literally never seen it end in anything except the show being panned for however many seasons it ran after the lead’s departure, and rightfully so.)

4. Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. The show did them so fucking dirty in the later seasons, but fuck if those first four seasons of amazing development don’t still fuck me up. And however much TVD ran itself into the ground, I will always have Elena, and Delena, and my love for them despite how awful the show became.

5. Rikki Chadwick and Zane Bennett from H2O: Just Add Water. Season 3 can bite me, Rikki and Zane were happy together and Zane had so much growth from the jackass he was at the beginning of season 1, and no way would he have cheated on Rikki even for a moment. They deserved so much better my gods.

#fave tv shows #fave characters #fave ships #Anonymous #asked

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