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#and i also have a job so i shouldn’t really care about all that rn
slowdesire · 6 months
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considering dating apps again even if realistically i can never use them. bumble is the devil bumble is the mind killer. i must allow myself to wallow in the grief of yearning
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damndude69 · 1 month
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#I do this thing where I keep comparing myself and my life to other people my age who live like ‘normal lives’ where they live with just#their partner and work decent-ish paying jobs#and don’t live near family/have large family obligations#like I make slightly more than minimum wage#my health stuff had been getting worse#my fiancé is disabled/chronically ill and working her ass off so she doesn’t have excess energy#which leaves a lot of house work on me#which is fine and I don’t mind#and our household is me my fiancé my 23 yo sister and we’ve all lived together for like 3 years now and my sister makes a lot more money &#helps with house stuff#/​maintenance#but my younger sister and her 9 month old moved in at the beginning of summer because her baby daddy is a scum bag#and she’s 20 and really mentally unwell#so a lot of baby care falls on me & my fiancé#along with trying to help my sister with her mental health#which is like not normal levels of unwell it’s like serious shit and she’s completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not#adjusting to motherhood well cause she was 19 and shouldn’t have had a baby#and like she knows that but what’s done is done#she can’t move back in with my parents because her relationship with them is too fucked#and like there’s also complicated stuff safety and bad ppl in her life so that’s a stress inducing factor#she’s unemployed and I’m not sure will ever be able to work and can’t drive#not her fault just the reality we live in#also we’re the ppl who live closest to my grandmother who’s health has been rapidly declining so a lot of that has fallen on my other sister#and me to manage#I also have to pet sit a lot because I need the money#and when I come home I have to spend all my time getting the house back in order#also I’m about to be losing a days worth of pay starting September cause the kids I nanny are doing two half days a week of prek#which means less money & with these grocery bills and two more mouths to feed is gonna fuck me in the ass#so like yeah I don’t have the time or energy for hobbies I spend all my damn free time trying to keep the house clean or taking care of#The baby & like it’s just the way it is but it’s not comprable to how all the ppl I knew in highschool r living rn
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auras-moonstone · 1 year
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hiii, I really really love all your job so much !!and I have a little request (you can obviously say no), can you do something with Ethan and "bad idea right?", I have this song on repeat and I need to see it with Ethan please
I hope you have a great day and I really love all that you do 💗💗💗
hi!! of course you can send song requests! i love olivia🥺
bad idea, right? — ethan landry
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word count: 700
pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader
based on: bad idea, right? by olivia rodrigo
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Y/N AND ETHAN’S RELATIONSHIP LASTED FOR AROUND SIX MONTHS. With Ethan so focused on college and Y/N having to work to afford her studies and also having to do exams and assignments, their little bubble just bursted and they decided to end it after those short but unforgettable months. They loved each other very much, which is why they knew it was for the best, because holding onto a relationship they couldn’t afford to be invested in 100% was very selfish.
And as much as they wanted to, they knew they could never go back to being just friends. It would be too painful. So, they stopped talking to each other… until that night at the dive bar.
Y/N was sitting on a table, beer on her hand as she listened with very little attention to the conversation her friends were having. She was so exhausted from work that she swore she could pass out at any moment, and the dimly lit setting didn’t help at all.
But then, she received a text that made her be fully awake. She stared at his name with eyes wide open, and traced the notification bubble with her fingertip, not bearing to read the text, she just stared at his contact name.
eth🤓💖
hey…
i know this random but i’m alone rn and i can’t seem to get you off my mind
would you like to come over? if you’re not busy
my new address is xxx xxx :)
it’s okay if you don’t want to, i understand… anyways, let me know ❤️
I’m alone. Can’t get you off my mind. Come over. Well, he certainly wasn’t inviting her to play a game—at least not one that didn’t involve her being on her knees as he grabbed her hair from behind, and make her roll her eyes in pleasure so hard it hurt.
Ethan’s face crossed her mind, and she thought about what she should do. She should probably not go. She shouldn’t meet him that night, it’s a bad idea, right? But her mind didn’t function well when it came to Ethan Landry. She knew she was his ex, but couldn’t people reconnect? Only one night and then she would erase him from her mind—god, she knew that was the biggest lie she’d ever said.
She grabbed her car keys, her purse and stood up, gaining the attention of her friends. “I’m tired, I want to sleep” In Ethan’s bed. Without further explanation, Y/N got into her car, wrecking all the plans she’d made with her friends.
y/n/n 👼🏻🫶🏻
be there in ten.
eth🤓💖
second floor
waiting for you
And he was. Y/N pulled up in his apartment and got into the elevator, pressing the button to the second floor. When she got out, she saw Ethan waiting for her by the door, boyish grin on his face—the one that always made Y/N want to drop onto her knees and make him scream her name until his voice broke.
She stood in front of Ethan, he was even taller than before, and he was towering over her. The boy looked so fucking hot that her brain could even mutter the word ‘hi’. So, instead of talking, Y/N grabbed him by the collar and smashed her lips against his with such ferocity and need that Ethan almost collapsed to the floor.
“So hot when you go straight to the point” he said in between kisses. They were moving, but Y/N didn’t know where to and she honestly didn’t care. He could fuck her in any corner of the apartment and it’d be fine. But then she tripped and felt the soft mattress under her.
“Upgraded your bed, I see” she panted as her hands traveled his hard chest, fire in her eyes.
Ethan nodded “Just got it, was wondering if you could give me a review of it.” he pressed sweet kisses to the valley of her breasts.
“Let’s get to work, then. Lay down.” Y/N ordered, and he obeyed in no time.
He watched her get rid of her shirt and bra, and he was so glad she accepted the invitation. “I missed you.”
“Me too, but let’s talk later. Right now, I want to feel you again. It’s been way too long.”
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storiesofsvu · 3 months
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Alright, it is time. Im not gonna lie to you, I’m both excited and worried about this episode. Am I more worried about the potential cringe that might happen or the fandom lashing out when they don’t get what they want? I’m honestly not sure.
So like…can we please just remember, we get what we get and fics, video edits, etc can “fix” them and make the endings that we really want. PLEASE don’t be attacking other fans or tagging actors in your posts complaining about shit, lets be polite and friends at the end…
WHY do so many show use the iphone “alarm” sound for major alarms, it honestly drives me insane
We SAW voit going back into his cell so this has got to be a nightmare sequence.
THIS is the singing shit?! Jfc guys
AND there we go with the bullet wound paget teased, now we now that isn’t an issue.
Honestly, this entire intro would have been way more powerful if we hadn’t been shown the jemily sneak peek, cause obvi it’s not whats going on if that happens later on in the ep…
Okay so… Emily either ended up at pen’s or called her up to drink and crashed on that couch and that’s how she ended up there? (obvi drunk cause of the bucket, but I still want more info lol)
Rossi needs like..sleep…and meds… him being in charge of the bau rn isn’t okay. Obvi Emily wasn’t in much better shape, and jj is like going through her own shit but it’s been YEARS of rossi saying he doesn’t want the job and jj has been the interim boss before so like, shouldn’t it just go to her? also like, rossi could/should easily take a step back, chill out, take a day of leave, this isn’t healthy. God everyone on this team needs SO much therapy…
“please im a mom, I’ve seen worse” jj is literally shifting right back into mom mode cause she knows that’s what Emily needs.
Thank GOD for tara to be able to see this, and finally be able to dig into it (hopefully lol)
UGH I FUCKING LVOE TARA SO MUCH WHY DOESN’T SHE GET THE LOVE SHE DESERVES
Like, she KNOWS dave needs help and to talk and is avoiding therapy, but doesn’t really want to open up right away so she just sits with him and lets him know that she’s there…
JJ GRABBING THE CHEETO RIGHT AWAY YESSS
Okay at least there’s explanation as to why this scene is so dark LOL
How did Emily wake up, get snacks, get drunk and get high between the time Penelope left for work and jj get to the apartment. Like, I swear it’s still before noon…. Also … homegirl is SO high…lol
Okay, so, so far I am glad that the scene/scenario was so short, like that arc of this episode is the comedic arc (so far) that keeps the ep light. Yes, it is more paget in Emily than we’re used to seeing, but also, Emily is full on losing her shit and it’s this loose, a little wild, unhinged Emily (that we saw briefly in the ep Saturday when, once again, she was intoxicated) we also at this point in the ep don’t know how/why/when she got high. And things like cbd/gummies/smaller doses are pretty regularly and readily available, correct? (I live in Canada, its all legal here so im not sure on specifications and im too lazy to google it rn lol) OBVI it would be very against fbi protocol, but again, she’s convinced she’s lost her job already… (and we all do some wild/stupid/rash things when we think we’ve lost our jobs/are on the brink of it… trust me..)
I think this is the first time we’ve gotten to see Tara use her doctorate (is that the right word lol) amongst the team and I hope we get to see a lot more of it. Like, let’s remember that she’s a dr!
Ah, okay, its legal in the district… got it. HOWEVER, she does say she uses THC to get her brain to unwind and the way it was said seems like it’s a pretty regular thing?? So like.. does that shit leave your body within 12 or less hours? Or is it fine for a fed to test positive for a lowered amount? Im not good at science so I’m gonna pretend that it’s the same as having a glass of wine or bottle after work lol…
Omg lolololol. Okay, yeah this is very fanfic of them, but I don’t really care, as if Emily got EDIBLE FUCKING CHEETOS. Like of COURSE jj would snag a few of them.. LOL.
How tf is tyler in an interrogation room….
Emily talking about how the longer in the job you lose yourself or your loved ones or more and like.. she’s literally lost all of that multiple times and has still managed to come back and be strong for herself and her team? God im fucking crying.
ALSO sobbing over jj being worried about someone from her kids high school finding the ai porn, cause fuck that somehow didn’t even cross my mind…
Man they are really pushing garvez HARD this season… and I don’t know if I want them dating or besties lol.
Ngl. I honestly am SO much less invested in the case part of these episodes than the personal/friendships… I LOVE Zach and think he’s an incredible actor and when voit is a person and not a hallucination I don’t mind him being a regular, but this whole shit with tyler? Im bored. So bored. I’m bored of this case, I want sicarius gone. S16 was good, it was one mega unsub with a mini unsub per each episode and I liked that cause it was different yet also similar to the same style of 1.0. but this is.. pushing it.
Okay thank GOD tyler didn’t actually go rogue and go in alone, jfc he’s gained some sense.
Man, all these two girls have eaten all day is chips.. they need some actual food LOL. “the ones that came before us, Gideon, hotch” lowkey hate that there has not been a single mention of elle….
 I do love that emily’s team always has her back and wants her to continue to be working with them, but iirc there was some difference to when she was gonna quit with barnes in charge, reid begged her not to leave, jj says “I’ll support you no matter what”
LOL the “I can’t drive..” “well, I can’t…” “rideshare?”
Also im sorry but they’re both SO professional once they get to work and em’s in full business casual?? Maybe more time passed than led on cause they seem pretty sober now lol.
Alright, welp, that’s it. Tonight’s ep was honestly meh. I loved some moments; I hated others and some were super boring. Overall, not the strongest that we’ve had yet this season… who knows what next week holds!
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creaturebloom · 1 year
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so ! i am officially retired ! (kind of)
after having a long talk with my mom and brother, i no longer have any sort of main dad-dutys to take care of. of course occasionally i will have to cover if my brother like goes out to a show or smth, but that shouldn’t be too often.
i feel INCREDIBLY guilty still about not helping out more, but the thing is i just like ... i can’t. i think anyone that’s kept up with me over the last year has seen like just howwww bad things had gotten for me like mentally/emotionally and often even physically ! bc that’s what stress does !!
so my current plan is to take (at least) 2 months to do dick all. im going to learn how to relax, play videogames, and have zero responsibilities or obligations. and then im going to get into some online classes and get my medical coding license and find a real job !
im still getting paid a small amount bc thankfully my brother isn’t an asshole, so hopefully i should have money to cover those online classes once i actually take them. my mom said she’d help out if i need her to also, but im really trying to avoid that. as long as i budget appropriately i should be alright.
it’s gonna take me a bit to get used to like. not having to do anything and not jumping up whenever my dad needs something. i know this. i keep reminding myself that my mom and brother are CHOOSING to take care of him, and i have no bearing on their choices or what they want to do. i can only choose things for me and be grateful that they’re both helping me make the best choice for myself.
it’s been an incredibly difficult 8 years. i know nothing in my life will ever be as stressful as this situation, so im pretty optimistic about things moving forward. maybe one day i’ll even like get a nearby apartment or smth but honestly with housing the way it is im just glad that i can still live at home rn and im not out on my ass bc i can’t caregive anymore.
i spent the last of my check this month on a silly little game and thai food, and honestly that’s the best retirement party i could ask for.
im just so glad that like. i was able to make it through a very difficult conversation and while im still grappling with the guilt of it, in the long-run this is going to benefit me and my mom significantly bc i never, ever want her to have to go back to work. and again, i can’t make her choices for her and she has chosen to continue to take care of my dad. i just have to keep reminding myself of that.
ok well thank you everyone that has thrown out some love my way and supported me through all of this, i really really appreciate feeling seen & heard through all the shit that’s come my way. im love u ok bye !!!!
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papirouge · 3 months
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What are your views on Catholics or very traditional Catholics? I’ve spoken with one guy who was and he believed that even women shouldn’t work and called it unbiblical. I mentioned the various women in the Bible that had businesses and worked but he didn’t really get it. I don’t get their animosity towards jobs too.
Because I’m poor and I’ve always had to work and women in my family never had money, we always had to work. Eventually I got him to admit that poor women should work (for no pay too) for rich women who should stay home and make babies. He lived a very sheltered life I learned. He didn’t even understand how taxes worked or how much things cost because he was still being taken care of by his very wealthy parents. Both of his parents were doctors too 🙄 he never needed a job or to go to school but only went to party. I think honestly he isn’t really Christian, he just feels so insecure and inadequate next to women who are business owners and educated so he’s Catholic to feel important. Because his world views and how he feels the world be is so ignorant
But I don’t pity him at all because he let it slip out that women with no family or friends to care for them should be prostitutes for men because prostitutes existed in Jesus time. And he still had the audacity to ask me why he was still single. It’s bad when you learn that even those hardcore traditional pick me catholic girls don’t want you 🫥
I always said I vibed more with Catholic women than I do with non Catholic ones.
I don't think being "very traditional" is remotely relevant to your relationship with God, so "very religious catholic/Christian" doesn't mean anything imo. Jesus broke several times "traditions" and negatively caught the attention of pharisees so I think this whold "traditionalist Christianity " that's quite en vogue rn is one huge misinterpretation of what Christianity really is.
And you're right, the Bible never portrayed women working negatively so male traditionalists beefing against women in the workforce shows that their grievance has more to do with their incelness and drive to control women, than a genuine will to follow the Bible.
I'm absolutely not surprised he lived a sheltered life and probably didn't witness women in his family working. But you know what's funny? It's that those people never seemingly connect why the Bible puts so much emphasis in helping the widow and old women with the fact that those women were depending on men for their survival and happened to be financially vulnerable once alone (with kids). You can bet men like the one you're talking about would not accept financially helping them because cOmMunIsm or something like that. They wanna prevent women from working but also refuse to deal with the (financial) consequences of women not working... And they have the audacity to blame feminism when feminism is one of the reasons falling into poverty once your husband dies/leaves is not a fatality for women. On that aspect, feminism represents a net positive for women, and that's why I'll never be an "anti feminist". Men didn't wait feminism to be piece of shit and abusing women out of their financial vulnerability. There's a reason female hysteria or poisoning your husband for social liberation were a bigger deal back then. "Life was easier when women didn't work uwu" anti feminists should go back to 1845, and shut the fuck up at this point.
Him painting prostitution as an alternative for poor women closes the deal about how this man wasn't Christian anyway. Their mask always slips off. Those men don't want Catholic pick mes either because they get a thril caging "liberal" women. That's the exotic bird syndrome. That's why they love porn and all this degrading stuff. Have you noticed how those dumb conservatives rage bait content sound like porn video title "blue haired SJW lady gets DESTROYED by based maga Chad" or shit like that. TRA do the same with 'terf' as well. They are obsessed humiliating them. They even profess their weird porn fantasies raping them...
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h5eavenly · 6 months
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fuck is yeosang gonna break yeji’s heart now that she loves him? and is he gonna force y/n to be with him in exchange for keeping quiet about everything?
as much as yeji has been crazy annoying the last few chapters, i really feel sorry for her. tbh she’s the main victim in this shit show. like ofc i want hyunjin to know about the bet and everything bc y/n and hyunjin angst is top tier, but also if i was yeji i’d feel humiliated not only by the bet itself but also the fact that people knew about it and didn’t tell me.
idk if it was intentional but i think you’ve done a really good job of subtly showing how alone yeji probably feels rn. the only person paying attention to her atm is yeosang and that’s a trap in itself considering he treats her like shit and is hot and cold with his attention towards her anyway. she’s essentially in a lose-lose situation. and ofc hyunjin has a lot on his plate rn so it’s understandable that talking to yeji isn’t a priority, but i do think he needs to talk to her about her relationship with yeosang at some point. she’s his best friend and he also can somewhat tell it’s toxic relationship since he doesn’t live under a rock lmao. a bit of tough love is great and it’s good that he’s been telling her straight up that yeosang is a bad person and that she’s been lowkey weird since dating him. but as a friend he should also be there for her to seek advice from about concerns in her relationship, and not always dismiss it as simply yeosang’s a dick and you shouldn’t date him. but since he’s made it bluntly clear he hates yeosang and doesn’t want to hear about them she probably feels like she can’t confide in him if she needs to. idk i’m rambling but basically i think it’s completely fine for hyunjin to not prioritise her rn bc of the shitshow going on in his life atm, but i also feel sympathetic for yeji who’s in a manipulative relationship and probably feels isolated since hyunjin has been so dismissive towards her.
and she doesn’t even know about the bet yet so imagine how isolated and humiliated she’ll feel once she does find out. that she defended yeosang and damaged her friendship with hyunjin just for it to blow up in her face. ofc hyunjin will be there for her when that happens but i also feel like she’ll be mad at herself for not believing hyunjin and for ignoring the signs that yeosang is a bad person.
as much as she’s been a nuisance lately, at the end of the day she’s a victim of a toxic relationship and a bet she isn’t even aware of. 🖤
I agree with you yeji is quite literally the ultimate victim in all of this she got played and tossed around first bc of yns misplaced anger and now with yeosang's obsession AND SHE DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING SHE JUST EXISTED 😩 i feel so bad for her fr which is why i also have a soft spot for her tbh as for hyunjin situation i think two major traits that play part in the way he acts is the fact that he''s stubborn and strong headed he's the type of person that just needs to time to cool off and soften up so i do see him calming down and talking to yeji a bit later given he really cares about her and its shown a lot specially at the start where he was going head to head with yn for yejis sake🤧 with yeji tho i dont feel like shes gonna open up about yeo soon only because he probably made her feel crazy with all the love bombing at first and now being cold she isnt sure if its real or in her head which is so sad honestly :( i love reading your thoughts after every part i find myself agreeing with you a lot so thank you for writing 🖤
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waitingforeddyneddy · 10 months
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Um, I think it's okay if JB is more enthusiastic about a job where a gay love story is told. That obviously means so much more to him at a personal level and it's understandable, I wouldn't judge him for that at all. But I do have an issue when his fans pretend that oh he cares so much about Kanthony! No, that was one of his many jobs that he did every well and moved on once it dropped and that's also fine! It's also good to acknowledge he on several occasions failed to even mention Simone by name for some reason (like in this old The Wrap interview, where he was talking specifically about Bridgerton: “But also, I was in fear of creating something with another actress or actor that was palpably believable, because romance and sexuality and sensuality is really the most honest and extreme thing we can experience,” he added.) I don't know, I always found his press run kinda odd in certain aspects.
Btw, I'm laughing reading what that old mod said about how they locked one of their comments because they mentioned how it wasn't great that JB bragged about meeting Biden rn because it wasn't good to bring politics lol. That's exactly an example of how FT effectively just "whitewashes" all the political aspects of the time period where it sets, because his fans obviously don't see it as a "political" show.
And where did I say that it’s bad he cares more about the gay love story? Of course he does, I just have a problem when his fans want to put him on the same level of mistreatment Simone faced when it comes to s2 promo. Simone was forced to do zoom interviews and read a script about sisterly love knowing full well that s2 was NOT about sisterly love. He was busy exploiting his Bridgerton hype to promote his show and as you said his outright refusal to name drop Simone even during that little promo he did. I don’t know, I still think the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say Kanthony when he was asked which couple is his favourite, the same fucking days Simone was being attacked by cunts who screamed about her not being Kate Sheffield is nasty as fuck
We all know his fans like to go 🙉🙊🙈 over the problematic nature of everything surrounding Fellow Travelers it shouldn’t be surprising they get butthurt when someone points out his “political activism” if you even wanna call it that lmao and the fact that he said he learned a lot from fellow travelers I just wanna tell him buddy you obviously didn’t learn enough
His fans don’t see it as a political show, they see it as the show about the two attractive men fucking and they choose to ignore the people behind it
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kittenwalker · 2 years
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This may sound silly but could you write something along the lines of Evan dating a plus size instagram model? Where she usually is very confident and never lets the hate and negative comments get to her but one day she caves and reads through them and starts feeling insecure, as if she doesn’t deserve Evan because she’s not thin and in shape, kind of getting distant and finally Evan is like what is up and basically makes her talk to him and she tells him and he gets so upset (not at her but at the situation) and he is like it doesn’t matter to me and tells her how effin beautiful she is and how he loves her curves and the extra cushion on her etc. not really angst but he’s very much “you’re going to listen to me” and “you don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t like and if I should or shouldn’t get to be with you, that’s my choice” if any of this makes sense??? Lol I just feel it’s very much something Evan would do in this situation but I can’t put it in words very well 😩 thank you lovely xx 💕
notes : god I'm so slow with the requests recently and I'm so sorry, am not in the best mental state rn so yea sorry again! Thanks for all the support and great ideas yall have given, rmb you are all greatly appreciated in life! <3
Okay just a little peak won’t hurt right? Wrong, it hurts Y/n a lot. Who knew she would go down this road again as she told herself she would never give in to reading them.
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Back in highschool, Y/n was shamed for being big in size because everyone surrounding her was fit and curvy. She got bullied by those boys in her class every time she walked past them. All those negative remarks really affected her, she would always come home and just cry in the shower. Faking a smile everywhere she went, to say the least, those few years weren’t really nice to her. Until she found her worth and it changed her.
Y/n realised her worth and wouldn’t let anymore nasty comments get to her. She also decided to start eating healthier and exercise more regularly as she realised maybe her old diet wasn’t really the best. Y/n did this for her own health benefits and not to show people that she became ‘ skinnier ‘ as she had no interest in that. She was confident in the body she was living in and her confidence really earned her a lot. A wonderful career and a caring boyfriend.
Starting her modelling career really made her happy, she felt loved by the people around her and she even found a special person along the way. Evan really made her feel good about herself, he accepted Y/n for being herself. Whenever she was in doubt of herself Evan would prove her wrong. Even when she thought everything was perfect and was finally being accepted, so then Y/n read her comments on her first instagram modelling advertisement. Wrong move because it made her go back into that dark place, but thank god for Evan. He comforted her and told her she wasn’t impressing anyone and that it was her body. He made her feel safe again and Y/n swore to Evan she would never read those nasty comments again.
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Well we’re back to square one aren’t we? 
Y/n couldn’t help herself, she started to feel insecure again and instead of discussing it with Evan, she went back to her comment sections. 
She caved, so when Evan wasn’t at home she locked the bathroom door and scrolled through the ugly things the internet said about her. Starting with her instagram account, going to her recent post she clicked the comment sections and her eyes were now exposed again.
‘ How did she even get this job? She’s literally so ugly ‘
‘ I think I can be the the face for Victoria Secret if she can get a modelling career ‘
‘ Does anyone actually take her seriously? ‘
‘ Bella hadid wannabe ‘
The comments were somehow worse than what it was before. Don’t these people realise that there is no difference if you are ‘ big ‘, ‘ small ‘ or ‘ perfect ‘ ? We are all bones and skeletons on the inside. Still, they managed to get into Y/n’s head, making her start to believe them. She also couldn’t stop reading them, it was like her drug. So she went to twitter next but she should have known that it was worse over there.
Y/n did the same process, but the comments in this app really made her doubt everything. The rude people were now coming at her for her relationship with Evan.
‘ There is no way she’s dating Evan ‘
‘ Okay I love Evan, but seriously is he blind? So many women in the world and he chose her? ‘
‘ Emma was definitely the prettier one, no doubt should've just stayed with her. ‘
Y/n vision blurred the more she scrolled, the whole bathroom filled with her sorrow. Her face was stained with ugly tears, crying until her eyes were all puffed up. The comments were starting to brainwash her, her thoughts making her insane. ‘ What if they’re right? ‘ ‘ Maybe I’m just a game for Evan to get over Emma, ' Y/n thought to herself. The world treated her differently just because society said her body type was hideous, and that was so unfair. 
The more she thought about those words, the more it affected her. Yea she could just stop thinking about it as everyone says, but it’s much easier said than done. It was like a drug, it was addicting. Once you start you can’t stop, no matter if it benefits you or harms you. So Y/n kept reading them, thinking maybe this was the truth, maybe to make her understand the hard and ugly truth. 
She kept reading the comments that were criticising their relationship, saying how Emma was a way better partner. Until she heard keys rattling and footsteps entering, she realised it was Evan coming back home from his grocery run. 
‘ No shit, Evan can’t know I relapsed. He’s going to be mad if he found out what I was reading about. ‘ Y/n mentally yelled at herself
She quickly got off the floor and rinsed her face so she would look fresher. Evan cannot know about what happened today, so she obviously didn’t speak a single word about the situation or how she was feeling. Instead she let her thoughts eat her up, making her think she didn’t deserve him. So of course it resolved to Y/n ignoring and avoiding Evan, but he started to notice it.
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Y/n was getting cold and distant with Evan, he could tell as she smiled less around him and Y/n was always the lovey dovey type so when something was off Evan would know. He knows her like she was at the back of his hand, he could read her like an open book. Evan thought maybe she was just tired, but her coldness kept going on for days until he needed to break the silence.
During dinner today, he decided to confront the problem. Evan thought watching a movie while eating take-out would maybe bring them closer together and make Y/n feel more comfortable with confessing about what’s wrong. So that’s what he did, now they’re on the couch eating chinese take-out while watching a Marvel movie. The television screen shined onto them in the dark room, making Evan focus on Y/n’s face. The more he looked at her, the sooner he realised she looked absolutely tired. Tired of what he didn’t quite figure out yet, but she had dark eye bags and she looked like she’s completely fazed out, not even focusing on the movie. This was also her most adored Marvel movie, no matter how many times she watched it, Y/n would squeal over the same moments. Deciding this silence should be broken, Evan switched off the television and stood up to activate the lights.
“ Y/n what is wrong? You can’t hide it anymore, these few days just seem off. You aren’t yourself, but you also wouldn’t want to discuss what has been bothering you.” Evan frustratedly said
Y/n just sat there in guilt, guilty she had been caught and had to go through this all again. She never wanted to burden Evan with her stupid overthinking thoughts. He already had so much on his plate, Y/n didn’t want to add more and make it overflow. But she couldn’t change a determined Evan’s mind when he knew that something was wrong. So she just sat there, staring at the ground as a tear slipped out, resulting in a whole breakdown. Making Evan immediately soften and run to her side to comfort her.
“ Shh you’re alright, tell me what’s disturbing you when you're ready alright? Just breathe in and out to calm down first. “ Evan patted Y/n’s back
As Y/n’s sobs stopped and her breathing started to stabilise, she took one deep breath in and faced Evan. After her episode, she mustered up the courage to confess. The words came dripping out, Evan just listened, not interrupting once. Y/n told him everything, the insecurity to the comments and then to the doubt of their relationship because of how she looked. She could tell he was sad, his eyes were full of sorrow not for her thinking their relationship would fail, more of because of how she thought of herself. Y/n’s self-image made Evan feel like he failed in making her feel beautiful and think positively. 
“ Then I heard you coming back home and quickly washed up to seem fine. I’m sorry I kept this from you for so long, I just… didn’t want you to get mad I relapsed. “ Y/n fiddled with her fingers as she looked down.
Evan hooked his thumb under her chin and brought her face to look at him. He brushed off the remains of her tears, placing a kiss on each of her eyes. Y/n’s eyes were sore, tired from crying so much, Evan gave them each a kiss to warm them and assure them they aren’t going to spill anymore. Now it was time to reassure Y/n, to tell her the real truth. That she’s beautiful no matter what and that she won’t have to feel this way ever again.
“ Y/n, you’re going to listen to me.I know social media can be quite daunting and brainwashing sometimes. But you don’t need to listen to them, you just need to know that you are perfect inside and outside. The people in the screen haven’t even met you and already judged you, so don’t put so much thought into those strangers. Y/n, you are perfect and the sweetest person ever so don’t put a piece of mind to those who judged the books by their covers. They are just insecure themselves, that’s why they have to pull someone else down to feel better about themselves. And about the doubt in our relationship, you don’t have the right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Like getting with you is my choice because I think you’re a wonderful lady, I love you Y/n. Plus I love your curves and cushion, it makes a nice pillow. “ Evan ended it with a joke, making Y/n giggle.
“ But- “
“ Nope no buts, no talking back because everything I said is true and I would never take it back.” 
A smile slowly formed onto her lips, who knew she could get this lucky with a man like Evan. Y/n snuggled her way into the crook of Evan’s neck, where it was safe and warm. He kissed the top of her head and mumbled.
“ Emma is nothing compared to you, you’re greater and everything she wasn’t. Now if you still don’t believe my love for you, let me show it to you. “
Evan grabbed the back of Y/n’s neck and made her look up into his darkened eyes. His gaze fell to her lips, oh was he drooling over the sight of her plumped red lips. Jeez was she not going to be able to walk the next day.
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poprocksmbabie · 2 years
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sigh. sigh. is it rewatch time.
(yes)
Yk now I can cry over it but I swear when I first watched it, deku crying to inko pointing to the all might video……he looked so much like mineta I could never cry at it
I will say the one thing I feel bad for bakugo about is the fact that he quite literally had no one to talk to about the huge block keeping him back, the fact that deku WAS QUIRKLESS. He really had to keep that all to himself until it all came apart at DvK2…….hmmmm. Like he really just had to take “this quirk was given to me” as an answer and go on like nothing happened. I mean he did say fuck it that it doesn’t change things for him but like ehhh. Even after all that. At the end of every roadblock it all came back to ‘how the fuck did he get a quirk.’ hm.
like he fr just said "fuck you i'm over it" ... i must say he did an excellent job of fooling everyone into thinking he's some brainless guy who doesn't care, bro does not EVER forget a SINGLE detail... motherfucker said "oh whatever you just beat me today that's all it was" acting like the rest didn't matter to him and here he comes up months later FUCK!!!!!!
"fortunately he didn't take it seriously" yeah you THOUGHT
dekus world getting rocked by the fact that bkg can get teased is SO FUCKIGN FUNNYYYYYY
kamimomojirou since day ONE BABEEYEYYY
dear lord i got to season 2 all might's letter to gran torino thinking about. like after the public has found out about ofa omfg could you imagine stephanie soo type conspiracy mukbang videos being made after LMFAO "and here's where it gets even CRAZIER the letter they found right? that was to his master in high school? so the previous user's child was shigaraki's grandma but his GRANDPA was the GUY IN THE LETTER"
todoroki was so damn dramatic gotdamn. literally unwarranted
forgot for a second how fucking funny tetsutetsu being there is RIGHT WHERE IT HURTS
sometimes i wonder if that part was just lazily written or what cause if I saw a landmine like that my FIRST thought is how do I use this as a rocket ...
bkg peeping in on the endeavor talk will never not be funny esp knowing how he is in s5, likeHHEUQUZUFHJE ‘this was the wrong convo i shouldn’t have come here i shouldn’t have come here’
I will always love the detail of bkg giving ocha back the charred jacket :[ do i care for kcchk? not much but gotdamn … gotta love those two … also it’s the fact that bkg even went “yea I know ur friends w fucking deku” HE’S SO ANNOYED AT THEM HAJSHIFHAJAHAA
when todoroki was trauma dumping and bakugo said “but Actually though WHO CARES” he was so real for that
not to be dramatic but wow i started bawling at todoiida again. like what the fuck you’re telling me todoroki who has literally not made a single connection to anyone in his class saw the pain that iida was in that even iida’s own friends at the time couldn’t tap into.
man … when deku was tryna understand how to be less stiff with ofa he thought of bkgs moves … sighhh sighhghggghhhh
the real question is what kind of microwave doesn’t fucking turn. the biggest epiphany for deku that took a season and a half was from seeing how a normal microwave works.
(At the time of this, chapter 385 has been released) rewatching stain arc rn is CRAAAZYYYY
back to todoiida like the opening bro the fact that deku is turning around to check on iida whereas todoroki had his eyes fixed on him the whole time HE KNEW FROM THE STAAAAART
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Text
Vent post under the cut don’t mind me!
Tw for some serious depression shit
I had a great weekend with my friend but now I’m back to my normal life in the absolute crackden I call a flat I’m feeling a little… like shit???
Like I know, I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, but I’m having a hard time not doing that right now.
We both went to uni together, and yeah she’s a year older than me cos she took a year out while I went straight into it, but we finished our degrees at the same time so we were at the same stage in our lives by then.
And now there’s just… so many differences between us and I can’t help but feel like a total fuckup.
Like she has a boyfriend of a year, a really good job in some fancy head office in London, she’s planning on moving out, she’s got a whole ass life.
Meanwhile I’m here, rotting away, failing the masters degree I didn’t even really want to do, I have no prospects for the future, no driving license, no money, no anything.
I just feel like such a solid failure. Like I’m so behind where I should be in life now. The only difference between me now and me at 15 is that I clean my own bathroom and share a kitchen with mental strangers instead of my parents. I also have better hair.
Like don’t get me wrong I’m super happy for her and everything she’s achieved. She deserves it all and more.
But I see her thriving and living a real life meanwhile I’m seriously considering dropping out of my masters and just calling it quits because I genuinely just do not see the point anymore.
I don’t see the point in anything to be honest. Like one of my major failings is just me struggling to care about my life now. I know it’s gonna be disappointing and shit, so why bother?
I have no talents, there’s nothing I’m really good at. There’s nothing I care about enough to get good at, besides writing maybe, but I tried that, I did my degree in it, and in three years I hardly improved. It’s just not viable, there’s nothing in it.
I’ve literally dedicated my life to being a writer, it’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do. I’ve tried different kinds of writing, different styles, and none of it I’ve ever been any good at. I’m literally the most unremarkable person to walk this earth. Everything I’m just… okay at. I’ve tried hard to excel and be good at things, but it never really comes to anything. I’m just… average. I always have been.
And average people rarely manage to make something of their life without help. And I have no help because I’m working class and broke. So that’s it. There’s nothing for me that’s going to be fulfilling. It’s all just going to be as shit as this. If not shitter. And honestly the thought of having to do something shit because it’s the only option to keep a roof over my head makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.
Anyway, the depression is depressioning rn, I’m a total mess and live in delusion to dull the agony of my boring ass life which is doomed to be uninspiring and pointless until I drop dead. I only hope it’s sooner rather than later to spare me from the pain of living a pointless existence for 60+ years.
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idealisticrealism · 7 months
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TCL 3x02 thoughts
Still adjusting to this weird feeling of watching something that I really enjoy and that genuinely means a lot to me, yet also feels irreversibly altered from the thing I initially fell in love with...
But anyway. Many thoughts and spoilers ahead.
The main things:
This ep starts immediately after last ep (the case worker lady is in the same clothes, Luca gets cleaned up then goes to his appointment with her)
Thony telling Fi “I feel like I’m losing everyone” right as the opening credits roll, with Adan’s name missing… god this season is going to be such a fun game of counting how many times I cry per episode. Speaking of which, honourable mention to Thony immediately grabbing a beer (despite it being the middle of the day) and clearly trying not to cry as she tells Fi she's haunted by the look on Arman's face and that she shouldn’t have left him
“If we didn’t meet, my son wouldn’t be alive today (...) he only made it because of Arman” Ugh and that's really the heart of it, isn't it? Arman may be gone, but Thony and Luca’s lives are the legacy he left behind, and they'll carry him with them always
Thony daring Angel to kill her and face the consequences from Sin Cara… man, she really has learned a few things. But damn, who would have thought that her life would ever get to the point where she had to singlehandedly dismember like 5 corpses under threat of death, and then almost get caught red handed by the cops and have to bust out and run for it. Yikes lol
Honestly, poor Thony seems like she’s barely holding on by a thread now; this season is definitely showing us how much being without Fi and Arman (particularly Arman, given that Fi has been gone a little while) affects her, and tbh Elodie really did a great job of selling the utterly unstable, panicked-to-the-point-of-throwing-up, shaky look that she wears for half the episode lol
Gotta say, watching Thony and Jorge interact is a really interesting juxtaposition from her and Arman… Arman was genuinely taken with her right from the start, and was the one who was instigating most of their early interactions. Jorge wants nothing to do with her, and Thony is the one trying to form a connection (not for personal reasons obviously, but to gain him as an ally and therefore potentially benefit from his protection). And unlike Thony and Arman's natural chemistry and the softness that came from him helping Luca so early on, these two are so stilted and awkward, and they clash on everything– on the kind of man Arman was, the killing of the rival cartel guys, the jobs Sin Cara wants her to do, her showing up at his daughter’s school, etc. Ngl, while I absolutely do not want it to happen, I could see the shippability of a dynamic like this– the initial opposition between them, only to find that they are more alike than they think, etc? It's a classic. Also, her wearing his hoodie?? In two separate interactions, including one in private, and she didn't give it back?? Bitch that was just mean of the writers to do that to me
I have always cared about Nadia and wanted the best for her, and honestly this season has me feeling even more strongly about her. She really is ride or die for Arman, just like Thony is, and I love that she came to Thony this ep fully expecting them to take on the cartel as a team, and then felt genuinely betrayed and let down when Thony seemingly abandoned the search for Arman out of fear of the cartel. Little does Nadia know that Thony is both actively searching for Arman and trying to save all their lives rn. Sigh, so many problems in this show could be avoided if people were just honest with each otherrrrr (though of course the whole reason Thony didn't tell her the truth was to avoid endangering her). But anyway, nobody better be hating on Nadia for turning to Russo here– tbh it was a pretty logical move for her situation, and given that things are obviously going to work out okay for Thony in the end (being the main character and all) I'm actually kinda happy for this betrayal to happen, as it will actually put them on more even footing in their relationship and allow them to have a truce moving forward
Clearly the tail that Ramona has on Thony is better at their job than Kamdar’s was lol… though I guess part of the point of Kamdar’s guy was to be seen, to intimidate her and remind her of his power through the others he controls, whereas (at least where Thony is concerned) Ramona does all her intimidating and power-reminding herself. Gotta respect that level of badassery lol, and in some ways it highlights just how important Thony is in Ramona's eyes. She can see that Thony clearly means a lot to Arman, and so she sees protecting her as the key to reconciling with him. Sighhh. Well, let’s just hope Thony has proved her worth to them by the time they learn Arman is dead... (I mean obviously of course she will, bc again, main character lol)
Other stuff:
As an Aussie I need to know the backstory behind Luca’s stuffed toy koala lol
Fi really didn’t handle the father/son intro well at all lol. At least they fixed the continuity issue with her supposed ‘one night stand’. Chris did get over his anger impressively fast for a 15 year old though lol… one chat/cooking session with dad and everything was all better haha
Jorge’s instant code-switching with the teacher where he got all friendly and pleasant and put on a more US-American accent?? Nice. Great commentary on the way immigrants have to deliberately alter things about themselves to be more 'palatable' to white Americans, thereby making their own lives safer
I feel like the costume department deliberately chose aviator-style (cool, rebellious, unreadable) sunglasses for Jorge as another point of difference from Arman, who always wore the sleeker, more sophisticated Ray Bans
Violetta is freaking ADORABLE
Okay as someone who has listened to so much Ruby Ibarra since early 2022, the Ruby cameo was pretty cool actually… they should have had Chris/Sean dance though!
It was nice to see Fi’s parents (specifically her dad) being more supportive of her finally
What’s the bet that the money from Paolo ends up saving both their asses at some point
The ep title ‘For my son’ was cool in that it was both a reference to Thony’s signature line about doing everything for her son (particularly considering the custody issues, and the intensely terrible stuff she had to do this ep) and also to the Paolo & Chris storyline, given that their entire arc happened within this ep and ended with the 'for my son' note. Nicely done, writers.
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9tzuyu · 2 years
Text
i know who you pretend i am
mama!nat x teen reader
note: i’m projecting SOOOOO HARDDDDD rn. so sorry i have mommy issues
blame mitski and a scarlett edit with her “why not me” lyrics. im in Pain. also if ur adopted this ones for you fr.
prompt: reader’s always getting in trouble and hoping to push away nat, but nat reassures them she’s never leaving. idk im awful at summaries.
🏷: @c-is-writing ‹3
masterlist
. . .
it was never big news when you’d gotten in trouble. from vandalism, skipping class, to fighting, your mother didn’t exactly know what to do with you.
natasha had already taken away your phone, given you an early curfew, grounded you from extracurricular activities. she even thought forcing you to get a job would help teach you a few responsibilities, but that only proved natasha wrong.
almost every week there was something new, whether it be a detention or saturday school. you just couldn’t help but do something wrong.
“i don’t understand why you can’t just stay out of trouble. i don’t have enough fingers on my hands to count what number detention this is.” natasha exasperated, sending you a glare.
“yeah well next time my teacher shouldn’t have such a stick up his ass.” you grumbled.
“you can’t just throw a fit every time something doesn’t go your way!” she fussed once more. you only rolled your eyes knowing she didn’t know the full story.
“it wasn’t even a–”
“don’t start with me, i’ve had enough of you right now. when we get home just do me a favor and go to your room. i don’t want to deal with you.”
ouch.
you didn’t bother telling her you had work in an hour. you’d just walk and if she happened to check on you she might get the hint. right now you didn’t care.
. .
several hours later and you were almost through your shift at the ice cream shop. the atmosphere at work was completely different from the one at home, and you’d almost forgotten the trouble from earlier in the day. between the jokes you cracked with your coworkers and all the customers that came in, you didn’t have time to even think about it. well, that was until your mom showed up.
“here you go, little one. don’t tell anyone, but i put extra sprinkles on top just for you.” you gave a playful wink to the kid before handing over the cone in your hand.
“you guys enjoy!”
before you could do anything else the voice of your coworker caught your attention.
“dude, is that your mom?”
“um yeah, i’ll be right back.”
natasha’s face showed no direct emotion. she’d only ever showed up once at your job before, so you weren’t really sure why she was here. it wasn’t like days like today hadn’t happened in the past.
“mom? what are you doing here?”
she glanced at her watch, “you’re off the clock in 45 minutes?”
“yeah-”
“you can leave early if you want, it’s dead anyway.” you shot your coworker a glare, not wanting to deal with your mother at the moment.
“let me just go clock out real quick,” you mumbled.
“i’ll be outside.”
a groan left your mouth. “why would you let me leave early?”
“you know most people want to leave early.”
sighing, you typed in your employee code at the pos stand. “yeah well not me.”
“see you later, y/n.” you playfully flipped him off on your way out.
natasha wasn’t surprised when you said nothing to her. she said something awful and it would be awhile before it left your mind.
“i didn’t mean what i said. you know that, right?”
you shrugged, making your way towards her car. “it’s fine, you were just angry with me. i get it.”
i wouldn’t want to deal with me either, is what natasha knew you were thinking.
“it’s not fine, not at all. i shouldn’t have said it just because i was angry. you’re my kid and i don’t ‘deal’ with you, i love you.” you let her words sink in as you got into the car. so many insecurities were starting to rise all at once, you were beginning to feel overwhelmed.
“i just want to know why.”
“why what?”
natasha looked at you, head down, fumbling with the sleeves of your shirt. she’d never seen you so small, so vulnerable before.
“why you act out, why you do the things you do, why you’re so afraid of being loved by me.” natasha answered simply, waiting for a reply, but when you didn’t speak she took it as a sign to push a little more.
“i took you in four years ago and i told you i’d never give up on you, or let you go, or think you’re too much to handle. you’re doing everything you can to test my limits, to see when i’ll snap, but it’s not working, sweetheart. it never will because i’m not leaving you. so why are you trying to push me away?”
by now you were trying to wipe the tears off your face before natasha could notice.
“i’ve never had anyone stay in my life as long as you have. i’ve never had anyone care for me in the way that you do. it just seems too good to be true. it can’t be true.”
natasha pushed your hair away from your face. “nothing you do will ever change the fact that i love you. there will never be a second where i think i don’t want you. a good mother’s love will never break, just as it will never end.”
“i’m sorry,” you croaked, desperate to keep yourself together. “i know i’m bad, but i’ll do better. i promise.”
“you aren’t bad just because you’ve made a few mistakes in your life. you’re good at heart, i know you are.” she murmured.
“how are you so sure?” natasha couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.
“i saw the way you handled that child in the shop. and i’ve seen the way you help other people without even realizing it. all those times you’ve held the door? or the times you’d give something up for someone else, even though you’d tell me you didn’t want whatever it was anyway? cooking dinner for me when i was too caught up with work?”
you sniffled, “but that’s just what other people would do too.”
“no, sweetheart. you’d be surprised by how many people don’t care in all the little ways you do.” she kissed the top of your head, “i’m so proud of you.”
you shook your head, finding it hard to accept something you’ve always wanted to hear, but never felt deserving of being told.
“don’t say that.”
natasha frowned. “why not? it’s true. in fact i’ve never been more proud of something in my life – calling you my kid.”
“i love you mom,” you whispered, just barely enough for natasha to hear.
“i love you more. lets go home, yeah?”
“yeah.”
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mango-bango-bby · 3 years
Note
hey mango!! can you do dabi with a s/o who had a rlly nice and attractive bf before he kidnapped them and then they starts to miss him.
🏃🏻‍♀️
♡ Better With Me ♡
(A/N: I have a lotta Dabi requests and a lotta Overhaul requests so y’all better be prepared for that!!! I also don’t have a whole lotta haikyuu requests rn so there might be even more of them coming up!!)
Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, manipulation, gaslighting(???)
Summary: You miss your ex-boyfriend while you’re with Dabi. (Yandere!Dabi x GN!Reader)
Masterlist ➸ ♡
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
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Dabi despises seeing you sad. It’s something you and him both knew. Even so much as a hint that your sad was enough to get him upset. So looking at the pout of your face right now, it truly bothered him.
“It’s nothing” you mumble, cradling yourself in your arms around yourself. Although you couldn’t really hide yourself while you sat in Dabi’s lap facing him. “Baby, I’m not dumb” he snickers watching your look away from him. “Tell me” He says, using his hand to tilt your face to look at him.
“I miss him” you whisper, the tears in your eyes overflowing, falling down your cheeks. Not him again Dabi thinks.
If it was up to do Dabi would never think about him ever again, your ex-boyfriend. However he always seemed to pop up in your mind, and Dabi absolutely hated it.
What did your ex-boyfriend have that he didn’t?! A non-scarred face and body? A real job and money? The fact he wasn’t a villain? Sure, yeah he has all those. But he didn’t care for you like Dabi did!
“Not him again” Dabi mutters, grabbing your face with both hands. “Baby, you shouldn’t miss him, he didn’t love you like I do” Dabi says, gently giving you a kiss to comfort you just a bit. Your body shakes as you cry.
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him” You hiccup, leaning against Dabi’s chest as you cry.
“Shhh, it’s ok, bunny, I’ve got you” Dabi mumbles, gently rubbing your back and giving you a kiss on your forehead.
“You shouldn’t think about him, sweets, he may have had you before, but I’ve got you now. And I love you more than he ever did” Dabi wipes away your tears as he speaks “He couldn’t even defend you when I took you, he just watched, he clearly didn’t treasure you enough” He continues, watching your sobs quiet down a little.
“Did he really not d-do anything?” You ask, wiping something stray tears from your face. Your eyes are pleading with him for him to tell you ‘no’ but he didn’t. “He didn’t, bunny” Dabi lies, watching you break down even more.
Your ex-boyfriend did try to ‘save’ you, of course he was unsuccessful. He pleaded with Dabi as the villain he’d your unconscious body in his arms, although he didn’t fight for you, only sobbed. Pathetic.
“It’s ok, baby, there’s no need to cry, cause I’ve got you now” Dabi says, staring into your eyes with his blue ones. “I love you and I treasure you so much, I’m happy that I took you away from him”
You look to the side before considering his words. Did he really do nothing to help you? Maybe he wasn’t as sweet as you thought he was... “Your right, I’m sorry” you mumble, hugging Dabi’s chest to snuggle closer to him.
“It’s alright, bunny, cause I have you now. And no one else will be able to have you”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
Thank you for reading, darling!!
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alpacaparkaseok · 3 years
Text
The Pact - Date #7
Pairing/Genre: OT7 BTS x reader (not poly), idol!BTS, best friend BTS
Word Count: 7.2k
Premise: The truth about the pact the boys have about you has been revealed. What happens when you agree to go on a single date with each of them?
Warnings: a bit of talking down on yourself, the confusion continues, general fluff with a touch of angst 
a/n: this is the final date. guys...how is this going by so fast?? please let me know your thoughts on the date, on everything else overall...and I’ll see you soon? Next Saturday is the finale!
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Date #7
series masterlist ∆∆∆ join the taglist
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Note from the creator of this stupid idea:
I loved her first.
 “Who do you think it was? Any ideas?”
           “I…” you shrug. “No?”
           Gina arches a brow, staring you down from across your kitchen table. “So, that was a lie.”
           You can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up from your chest, Gina also chuckling. It’s a relief, the fact that she doesn’t hesitate to call you out. You’re grateful that you finagled her number from Jin, shooting him a text that looked a lot like this:
Me: Burn this after reading
Me: We can’t have any evidence !!
Kim Seokjinnie: ok, hi. I’m not burning my phone weirdo. I’ll just keep it away from Jungkook. What’s up??
Me: Hi. You know what I meant.
Me: Can you give me Gina’s number?
Kim Seokjinnie: Sure, I’ll send you the contact in a second. You two gonna hang out or something?
Me: Hopefully…do you think it’s weird if I just ask her out of the blue? Will she not wanna come?
Kim Seokjinnie: Nah, she’s pretty chill. I bet she’ll come
Kim Seokjinnie: *Kim Seokjinnie shared a contact with you*
Kim Seokjinnie: do you need anything before I burn my phone?
Me: no, thank you!! I owe you one. I’m short on friends rn, hopefully she’ll come over
Kim Seokjinnie: I’m sorry  miss you. We’ll all get to hang out once this is all over, I promise.
“Yah! I really don’t know. I mean they’ve all be so…”
“So what?”
You sigh, sounding like some kid in a dreamy teen movie. “Perfect?”
“There’s no such thing,” Gina huffs, leaning back in her chair. It’s a bit rickety, you’d found it at a yard sale with Namjoon and Jimin. You had just moved into your apartment, and realized that you were a little low on furniture. Together, you’d managed to find three mismatching chairs that made you grin each time you saw them.
It was a little odd at the time, you didn’t want to buy three chairs. Two seemed like plenty. They convinced you though, and looking back you understand why they were so adamant.
Wasn’t it rule #3? “Limit one-on-one interaction”? Three chairs made it so that there was always space for at least two of them.
Suddenly you look at the most average things in your house with different eyes.
Groaning, you rub your hands over your face. You’ve probably smudged your makeup, but you don’t care. It’s Friday night, you can do whatever you want.
“Unfortunately, I really think that there might be.” You let out a dry chuckle. “Seven dates with the world’s most perfect men. I knew I was screwed from the beginning, but this, I mean, I didn’t expect it to go this far.”
“On the bright side, you only have one more to go.” Gina gets up, stretching before moving to put her plate in the sink. She’d picked up some takeout on her way to your house, proving to you that you two are going to be friends for a long, long time.
“I’m terrified because of that. What happens after tomorrow’s date? I know it’s up to me, but I feel like I’m waiting for someone to come tell me the next step.”
Gina hums in agreement, shooting you an apologetic look. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pointed out how flirty they were at the haunted house. You never would have gotten into this mess.”
“No,” you wave her off. “It’s not your fault. Jungkook let it slip anyway, after the door closed on us in the basement. Ugh, I still get freaked out thinking about that. Has that happened since?”
Gina pauses over the sink, back turned to you as she runs her plate under the hot water. After a moment she shuts it off, turning around to wipe her hands off on a dish towel before leaning up against the counter.
“Erm…”
Your stomach drops. “What.”
“It’s just…” she crosses her arms and uncrosses them, unsure of what to do with her hands. “The door is connected to a little button on every employee’s key fob. You know, just for some extra scare factor.”
You meet her sheepish gaze with a blank stare. “So you’re telling me…”
“It’s just a part of the tour,” Gina shrugs. “Wait, what happened? He told you about the pact when the door closed? That’s…that’s honestly not the most romantic setting-”
“No no, we had a little moment after the door closed, and we almost kissed. But he stopped himself and said the I didn’t have to worry about him making a move. When we got out, I asked him why, and that’s when he mentioned the pact.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“So tomorrow is the last date, correct?”
           “Yup.”
           “Look,” Gina notices your worried expression. “Do yourself a favor. Let go. Don’t waste tomorrow thinking about what’s gonna happen next. Focus on the moment, ok? Then how about we get together next week sometime to talk everything over? If you feel like that might help, that is.”
           You definitely made the right choice in inviting Gina over. You can already feel your stress levels going down.
           “Ok.”
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           You’re up early the next morning, earlier than you’d like. You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting on your sofa, basking in the golden morning sun and watching the little dust motes float in the air, but it’s certainly been a while.
           For once, it’s quiet in your mind. You’re not sure why now, why today. There’s no doubt you’ll be your typical bumbling mess once Yoongi picks you up, but for now all is peaceful.
           It’s the last date. Somehow, despite how much you’ve enjoyed these little escapades, you feel relief at the thought. Knowing that you’ve made it nearly to the end without doing anything remarkably stupid (you’re still mortified that you and Jimin got kicked out of that basilica but oh well), and now you’re so close.  
           For now, you slide your worries under the rug, to be left there for the weekend. You curl your legs under you and lean your head back against the cushions to drink in the sunlight. It warms your skin, leaving you feeling even better than before.
           Yoongi is supposed to be here around four. Jungkook had sent you a quick text earlier in the week checking that you didn’t have any plans for Saturday afternoon and night. You didn’t bother to tell him that you always had all day open for them.
           While the exchange had been short, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was blushing just as much as you when his contact popped up on your screen. In an instant you were plunged into the memory of clinging to him just outside your front door, Jungkook’s shaky breaths the only thing keeping you planted in reality.
           Either way, it was safe to say that you were a blushing mess despite the simplicity of the text. He kept it strictly professional, not once alluding to the events of last Saturday. But you could still hear those words he uttered when he asked if you ever thought about what might have happened if he’d kissed you in the haunted house when he had the chance.
           “I do. Every day.”
           Of course you thought about it. You let out an amused huff on the couch, laughing to yourself. Who wouldn’t? But the only thing was the fact that you were thinking about a lot of things. Not just Jungkook.
           Or his lips, for that matter.
           The couch rustles as you get up, deciding to change out of your red sweatshirt for a green one. You’d been instructed to dress warm, which made you wonder what was planned for today. Outside everything looks warm and pleasant, certainly no need for anything too heavy.
           By the time afternoon rolls around, you’re tempted to call up Gina for a late lunch or something. To say you’re antsy is an understatement; you’re positively losing it. The clock on the wall has decided to try its hand at stopping time altogether, and you think it’s doing a pretty good job of it. Every time you glace over, seemingly no time has passed.
           This time, you really start to wonder if no time has passed. You swear it’s been stuck at 3 o’clock for a while-
           The sound of someone knocking on your door has you nearly tipping over from where you perch trying to grab the clock.
           For some stupid reason, you’re frozen to your spot at the far end of your living room. Holding the clock in your hands, you jump a little as a second tentative knock sounds.
           To your utter mortification, your mouth opens and you yell out, “Come in!”
           You’re still frozen in place when the door opens and Yoongi pokes his head in. His eyes immediately land on you, a sheepish smile that he has a hard time containing immediately breaking out.
           “You’re not planning on throwing that at me, right?” He asks, making you glare down at the clock you cling to.
           “Oh.” Your knuckles have turned white, and somehow your heart has decided to try its hand at sprinting a marathon. “No. I- it’s broken. I think.”
           Yoongi shuffles inside, closing the door gently behind him before wandering over to you. His pale complexion makes the pink on his cheeks easy to spot. Somehow the fact that he’s blushing makes you blush.
           “Do you have batteries around here?” He asks quietly, hiding his amusement.
           “Maybe in the kitchen?” You brush past him, handing off the clock. “Would you mind getting the old batteries out?”
           He mumbles out a sure, plopping down on your sofa while he gets to work on the clock. He’s wearing a similar outfit to you, which makes you smile. It’s not very often these days that he sports a bandana and you wonder if he somehow knew that you love the way he looks in it. His hair looks particularly fluffy as it kisses his forehead, the dark bandana giving him an air of coolness you know you could never pull off.
           Rummaging around your kitchen drawers, you pause when you realize what you’re doing. Are you stalling? What’s the rush to fix a clock when you have Min Yoongi in the other room waiting to take you out?
           Closing the drawer, you take a deep breath and shake your head.
           “Sorry Yoongi,” you call out, trudging back into the living room. “I’m an idiot.”
           He looks at you over his shoulder, a smirk tugging at his lips. “What’s your reasoning?”
           “Ouch.”
           Yoongi chuckles, setting the clock down on the coffee table before getting to his feet. “Wow, is it just me or…”
           You wince. “This got off to a bad start, huh.”
           “Yeah.”
           Looking at each other from across the room, you realize just how much you’ve missed him. His witty sarcastic remarks, his honesty.
           Him.
           “Can we start over? Go knock on the door again.”
           Yoongi’s already on his way, huffing out a laugh as he steps outside. “Alright, see you in a second.” The door clicks shut behind him, and you’re suddenly left with the silence of your house.
           As Yoongi timidly knocks on the door, the same sense of calm you experienced this morning settles over you.
           The seventh date. No more guessing who’s on the other side of the door, no more anxious glances in the mirror to check that everything looks flawless. It’s just you, Yoongi, and the door between you.
           There’s already a smile on your face as you open that door, finding Yoongi standing with his hands in his pocket. He returns your grin, feeling like a fellow conspirator in a heist that has yet to be planned.
           “I’m here,” he announces, then adds with a chuckle, “finally.”
           “Took you long enough,” you tease, reaching out to grab his jacket and pull him inside. He feigns a horrified expression at your flirty nature, but you just roll your eyes. You’re not sure who wraps their arms around the other first, but the next thing you know, you’re wrapped up in a tight embrace.
           I missed you, is what you want to say, but the words get caught in your throat. The lump that’s formed there only grows thicker with emotion as Yoongi’s gravelly voice rumbles against your hair.
           “How’re you holding up?”
           Your arms fall around his waist, ever aware of his shoulder. Even though he says he’s completely healed now, you aren’t taking any chances. It’s quiet for a long moment as you struggle to find an answer.
           “I…fine. I’m fine.” You pull away and arch an eyebrow at him, pleased to see that is cheeks are still rosy despite the serious look in his eye. “How are you holding up?”
           He lets out a breathy laugh, dropping your gaze. “Fine.” Then, when he catches your disbelieving stare, he states as innocently as possible, “What? Aren’t we lying to each other tonight?”
           “You suck.”
           “See!” He exclaims as you step out of his grasp to grab your things. “You always do that when you’ve been caught in a lie!”
           “Ugh, yah! I wasn’t lying,” you turn around to face him, walking backward toward your room. “I’m fine, really.”
           He shrugs. “And so am I.”
           You stifle your laughter as you enter your room, grabbing your things and wondering if you should grab a coat. “Do I really need a coat?” You call down the hall.
           “Yes!”
           Pursing your lips, you snatch the puffy monstrosity from your closet before turning to head out. Double checking that you have everything you need; your eyes can’t help but glance at the item sitting atop your dresser.
           You stick your tongue out at it. A few seconds later it’s tucked safely away in your top drawer and you’re heading out into the hallway. Your stomach does an uneasy flip as you recall the words that are practically burned in the backs of your eyelids now.
           I loved her first.
           Yoongi gets up from off the couch, waiting for you beside the door. His dark eyes survey you as you walk toward him. “Good to go?” He asks quietly. Clutching your coat a little tighter to your chest, you nod.
           The two of you head out, locking up your apartment and settling in the car that Yoongi drove over. Before long, you’re out on the highway, speeding toward your destination.
           Which, you’ve just realized, is still a mystery to you.
           “Sooo…” You begin, smiling lazily at Yoongi. You take a moment to admire his hands that are wrapped around the steering wheel. “Where are we going?”
           A smile tugs at his lips, but he manages to contain it as he adopts a serious expression. He glances over at you. “We’re going to see the sea.”
           “We’re…” you stutter, furrowing your brows. “We’re going to see the sea?”
           A breathy chuckle escapes him. “Yeah. But it’s a long drive, so are you down to listen to a murder-mystery with me?”
           “YES.”
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            You’re still pretty sure that it was the nosy maid that did it by the time you arrive at your destination. Two hours, one murder-mystery short audiobook, and several snacks later, the sun is well on its way to the horizon when Yoongi pulls off to a sandy parking lot filled to the brim with cars.
           There’s tons of people mulling about, several of them appear to be young families who smile fondly as their children laugh and play in the sand. There’s a couple of food-trucks that have popped up on the beach, which sport long lines. Yoongi observes them woefully, seeming to come to some sort of understanding with himself before moving to get out of the car.
           “Woah, what’s with all the people? Is this beach always this busy?”
           It’s a beach you’ve never been to before, the pristine sand glowing as the sun makes its way across the sky.
           “Today’s a special occasion,” Yoongi explains, popping the trunk and rummaging around. “We should probably pick out a spot now before all the good ones are taken.”
           You come around to the back of the car to meet him, taking the blanket he extends out to you. Leaving your big coat in the backseat, you hope he doesn’t scold you and tell you to put it on. Right now it’s windy, but fairly warm. No need to look like a living marshmallow just yet.
           Before you can inquire after what the special occasion is, Yoongi passes you a couple of water bottles and begins rattling off instructions.
           “How about I jump in line to buy us some dinner,” the way he says it so casually has your heart skipping a beat for some reason, “and you head down the beach to scout out a decent spot?”
           “But what kind of spot do you mean? Is there a show or something?”
           Yoongi pauses, closing the trunk and running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, something like that. A show. Just find a spot that you like, I’ll come find you with our food, ok?”
           “Ay ay, captain.” You trudge away, hoisting the blanket up higher in your arms as you begin to look for an empty space. The immediate surrounding beach area appears to be pretty packed, which has you marching farther and farther away from the parking lot.
           You grin as a couple of children race past you, giggling as they fly their kites. It’s looks like it’s a little boy and with his younger sister, trying their best to keep their kites afloat in wind. Waving at them, your smile only grows as the boy sheepishly turns away and the girl cheerfully waves back.
           It feels like you walk for years before finding a clearing. You were definitely looking for a semi-secluded spot, not too keen on spending your long-awaited date with Yoongi surrounded by strangers. It doesn’t even occur to you to ask someone what the big deal is about today before you’re laying the blanket out. Not wanting to leave anything unattended just for it to blow away, you decide to just be patient until Yoongi finds you.
           The sand is warm beneath the blanket as you plop down, resting with your face turned toward the sun as you let out a content sigh. Despite the chill of the wind, the sun warms you right up.
           “Why are you alone?”
           Peeking one eye open at the little voice, you’re delighted to see the same little girl from earlier standing a little ways away. She watches you with a meek expression, her kite forgotten at her feet.
           “Oh, I’m not alone,” you explain. “I’m just waiting for my friend to come find me. He went to go get food.”
           “Oh.” The young girl shuffles her feet. “My mommy says that I need to get all my wiggles out before the show.”
           You chuckle. “Really? What show are we watching tonight? Is it Disney?” That would certainly make sense for all of the young families here tonight. Did Yoongi bring you to a beach-front outdoor movie?
           “No, silly!” The girl giggles at your questions. “The sky’s coming to say hello!”
           “What?”
           “That’s what my mommy said. She said, ‘Young-mi get your wiggles out, the sky is coming to say hello soon!’”
           You blink, a little amused by Young-mi’s earnest response. “I see…I didn’t know that the sky was coming to say hello tonight.”
           “Then why are you here?”
           “Oh,” you crane your neck toward the parking lot, but it’s too far away to see Yoongi. “My friend brought me, as a surprise.”
           “Wow,” Young-mi utters in a reverent tone. “Can I meet your friend?”
           “I don’t see why not.”
           With a gleeful shout, Young-mi takes off running, her kite skipping along the ground behind her. She runs toward her family, her mother grinning at the sight before reaching out to pull her into her arms. You watch on with a forgotten smile, wondering for a split second what that would be like.
           If you squint, that could be Yoongi sitting beside Young-mi’s mother, throwing his head back with laughter at something his daughter says to him. Their son crouches in the sand nearby, digging around as though searching for gold.
           Laying down with a soft sigh, you close your eyes and let the little daydream take over. Here, at the beach. Telling your children that this is where you had your first date; laughing as they make disgusted faces when Yoongi plants a loud kiss on your cheek-
           “Did the nosy maid get to you?”
           Yoongi stands above you with arms laden with food. He blocks out the sun, the rays coming around to make him appear like an angel. Judging from the delicious smells radiating from the food he carries, you think he actually might be.
           “Ah, so you agree that you think it was her that murdered Duke Rittington?” Your voice sounds a little croaky, a testament to the fact that you were just dozing a moment ago. Leaning up to ease some of the food from his arms, Yoongi snorts.
           “No. It was obviously the son. Why can’t you see it?”
           Rolling your eyes, you pat a spot next to you on the blankets. Yoongi takes the seat without hesitation. “Because, the son seems like too easy of a suspect. Whereas the maid-”
           The screams of Young-mi as she rushes toward you cut you off. “You have a boyfriend?!”
           “Oh, no.”
           Yoongi leans over, still busy arranging the bags of food – is that a cheeseburger you see? – around the blanket. “Who’s that?” He mumbles.
           “I, uh, made a friend while you were grabbing food,” you explain with a small smile.
           Now Young-mi reaches your blanket, dropping to her knees as she gazes up at Yoongi with wide, innocent eyes. “Hi, my name is Young-mi and I’m four years old. I’m the second tallest in my class.” Young-mi prattles off information, her large eyes never once leaving Yoongi’s face. “Are you her boyfriend? I hope you’re her boyfriend.”
           Yoongi lets out a startled laugh. “You do? Why’s that?”
           “You’re so pretty.”
           Now both of you burst out laughing, Young-mi looking utterly confused at your outburst. Yoongi covers his face with his hands, shaking his head.
           “What? What’s so funny?” Young-mi questions.
           You grin at her. “You think he’s pretty?” The little girl nods enthusiastically. “I do too.”
           Yoongi peers over at you at this comment, an unasked question in his eyes. The pink in his cheeks has intensified, as has your own blush.
           “Aren’t I supposed to be the one complementing you?” He asks under his breath. You shrug.
           “You brought food, so now we’re even.”
           Young-mi lingers a little while longer, asking a few questions and drawing in the sand. Munching down on your cheeseburger, you eye Young-mi’s kite.
           “Do you mind if I try to fly your kite for a second?” The question is out of your mouth before you can fully process it, but Young-mi looks up at you excitedly.
           “Yes!!” She squeals, immediately dragging the little handle over to you. “You have to run really fast, that’s what my mommy told me. Then it’ll fly!”
           Glancing back at Yoongi as you clamber to your feet, you don’t miss the fond smile he wears as he watches the interaction take place. You wave at him, heading off down the beach with Young-mi. Once you’ve walked far enough, you wink down at her.
           “Ok, you run on ahead and I’ll catch up in a few seconds.”
           The girl wastes no time running off, her laughter making you feel lighter than you have in weeks. Once she’s far enough off, you take off after her. She heads straight toward her family, who smile at you as you attempt to get the kite off the ground.
           Sand flies up behind you as you race, and you catch a glimpse of Yoongi with his phone out, recording you with a wide smile on his face. The sun has hit the horizon now, a dizzying array of colors sending your mind into a joyful frenzy. Up ahead, Young-mi has successfully made it to her family and is waiting for you to catch up. She jumps up and down as the kite soars above you, the little pinwheels attached to it spinning around in the wind.
           A bit more energy overtakes you, and you sprint the last few yards toward Young-mi, unable to stop the laugh that jumps out of you. You feel so free, here on the beach. It’s almost like you’re up there flying with the kite-
           “Wait!”
           Someone shouts it, you’re not exactly sure who, but by the time the plea registers in your ears, it’s too late. Foot catching in the hole that Young-mi’s brother had been digging earlier, you feel a twist of pain before tumbling to the ground.
           You cry out, barely managing to catch yourself before faceplanting it. The handle from Young-mi’s kite digs painfully into your hand, but that’s the least of your problems at the moment.
           Young-mi’s family rushes over to you, but before they reach you Yoongi is dropping to your side.
           “Oh,” you pant, “hi Yoongs.”
           “Are you alright?” He’s also panting, and you wonder if he had begun running after you before you even fell, foreseeing your path. “Your foot…”
           “I am so sorry!” Young-mi’s mother stoops down on your other side, her husband right behind her. “We completely forgot that Doyun even dug that hole! Can you move? Are you in pain?”
           From where you’re laying belly-down on the sand, you can’t help but feel the burn of embarrassment in your cheeks. “I…move? Yeah, I can – ah never mind.” You wince as you attempt to get to your feet only for the dull ache in your right foot to flare up to a fiery red pain. Yoongi immediately reaches out for you, unsure of what to do. His hands ghost over your leg, but retract when you hiss in pain.
           “Here, my husband-” Young-mi’s mother points over her shoulder to the man in question. “He’s a nurse. Honey, could you…?”
           “Do you mind if I take a look at your ankle?” The man asks in a gentle voice. “Just to make sure nothing’s broken.”
           With a nod, you allow both him and Yoongi to help you swivel around to sit the correct way, the blush you already have deepening even more when Yoongi takes up a spot at your back. He gently pushes your shoulders back until you’re leaning into his chest, his arms coming to wrap around you in a protective manner.
           When you wince as the man delicately presses down on your already swollen ankle, Yoongi begins talking.
           “So, is it just me, or has this entire night been a disaster?”
           You let out a choked laugh. “No, Yoongs. Well, maybe it has, but it’s all my fault. I can’t believe I fell, how embarrassing…”
           “Oh, are you two out on a date? Er, sorry for prying…”
           Both you and Yoongi awkwardly chuckle. “No, no…um, yeah. We are.”
           “It’s our first date, actually,” Yoongi adds as an afterthought.
           “How exciting! Honey, it’s their first date, did you hear that?”
           The man currently inspecting your ankle spares the two of you a kindly glance. “Good for you two. You make a good looking couple.”
           “But I swear I’ve seen you before,” the mother comments, squinting at Yoongi. “Where do I know you from…”
           You can feel Yoongi tense up behind you, but he doesn’t say anything yet. Instead he takes to finding your hands (which you’ve slipped into your sweatshirt pocket to avoid accidentally punching the man poking and prodding at your foot), eventually curling his hands around yours and steadily unclenching your fists.
           “Oh! I know it! Do you do commercials?”
           Yoongi lets out an audible sigh of relief, which makes you smile for half a second before a particularly hard prod at your ankle sends you into a tailspin.
           “Yeah, I’ve done a few commercials.”
           “I knew it. How’s it looking, honey?”
           Her husband sits back on his heels, giving you a nod. “Nothing appears to be broken, you just twisted it pretty good. Babe, grab that icepack out of the cooler. You should keep ice on it for a while to counter the swelling.”
           A second later you’re handing a little bag of ice. “I don’t wanna take your ice,” you comment lamely. Yoongi chuckles in your ear, pulling back from you and standing.
           “It’s just a disposable pack we used for the cooler,” the mother explains, waving off your concern. “No need to worry. We’ve got plenty more. Now, go enjoy your date!”
           “Yeah, try your best to have fun. And keep ice on that, on and off for the next couple of days. It shouldn’t give you too much trouble after that.” With a wink toward Yoongi, your temporary nurse gives him a little nudge. “You seem like a good man. I think you’re in good hands here, miss.”
           Young-mi bids you a mournful goodbye as you limp away with Yoongi, quickly coming to find that sand isn’t the kindest to people hopping around on one leg. You’ve made it all of four hops while clinging to Yoongi before he stops.
           “Hop on my back,” he commands, stepping directly in front of you.
           You blanch. “But Yoongi…your shoulder.”
           “It’s fine. Just hop on. You don’t need to limp all the way back to where we’re sitting.” When you hesitate another moment, he looks back at you over his shoulder, his dark eyes sparking in the sunset. “Jagiya.”
           Well, the man puts up a convincing argument.
           Yoongi crouches down so you don’t have to jump, and with a bit of careful maneuvering you manage to hop onto his back. His hands grip your thighs, hoisting you up a bit higher which makes you gasp a little. Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck, careful to avoid putting too much pressure on shoulder.
           Setting off toward your abandoned blanket and food, you can’t help but feel a rise of disappointment in your chest.
           “Yoongi?” You mumble, almost sounding like an embarrassed child.
           “Hmm?”
           Hiding your face in the back of his neck, you groan. “I’m sorry.”
           Yoongi’s steps falter before he continues on, confusion evident in his tone. “Sorry? For what?”
           The calm that you felt earlier has completely shattered at this point, and you grit your teeth against the pain in your ankle and the onslaught of emotions that surface. What happened to picture perfect? Why couldn’t you focus?
           Other than sitting in the car together, you feel as though you’ve hardly touched base with Yoongi. You haven’t seen the man in nearly two months, and yet here you are distracted as ever. Distracted with your dumb broke clock, distracted with the audiobook, distracted with a kite.
           Yoongi stops in his tracks as he feels hot tears against his neck. “Jagiya?”
           “I- I’m so sorry, Yoongi,” you blubber. “I’m an idiot! I c-can’t focus on anything tonight and…and now I’ve made everything fall apart by going and getting h-hurt…Yoongi, it hurts so bad. A-and now I’m complaining, which is making everything worse!”
           You’re surprised when Yoongi doesn’t say a single thing, instead picking up where he left off as he trudges on toward the blanket. In response to his silence, you continue in your repentant monologue.
           “And you waited in line to get us fooood,” you bite down on your lip as you fight the urge to wail. “It’s probably c-cold now, and you waited for s-so long to get it…I feel like such a bad person…if you don’t wanna continue the date, I u-understand. I promise I won’t tell anyone if you want! J-just, I’m so sorry, Yoongi. I’ve completely ruined this, and you drove t-two hours to get me here….” You’ve reached the blanket now, Yoongi gently sets you down, and you hobble on one foot as you half-expect him to grab his keys and set off toward the car. “I just can’t think straight because I read that stupid pact and-”
           “Woah, back up.”
           Swiveling around to face you, Yoongi has a frown etched into his face. It makes you want to turn and run, to crawl into a cave to die from embarrassment, but it’s the fact that you can barely manage to stand on one foot at the moment – let alone run – that has you standing still.
           “You read the pact?” You blink, hopping a little. When Yoongi sees your struggle he reaches out to you, steadying you. “Here, let’s sit.”
           “W-we’re staying?”
           Yoongi gazes down at you, the look in his eyes turning unspeakable soft. “Yes, jagiya. Unless you aren’t feeling up to it anymore?” He looks as though the thought of leaving now pains him, but he waits patiently for your answer.
           “I wanna stay.”
           “Good. Now, what’s this about you reading the pact?”
           Having successfully turned into a sniffling mess, you wipe away your tears with an angry swipe. It’s time to come clean.
           “I found a copy in Jin’s room-”
           “What were you doing in Jin’s room?!” Yoongi whispers frantically, growing more concerned by the second. You wave him off.
           “-and I took it! I knew I shouldn’t, but I just wanted to know, you know? So I stole it but that was stupid because then I saw that thing on the back…the little note.” Your words trail off, unable to even say the word lovewhen Yoongi’s looking at you like he’s unsure of whether he wants to laugh or cry.
           “The little…note?”
           “Yeah, you know…” You shake your head, moving on. “And since I saw that, I’ve been a mess. Like, an actual mess. I finally called Gina help just to get some help, I needed someone to talk to because you know, I can’t talk to you guys right now which is stupid. But I’m still so lost and I screwed everything up and my ankle hurts Min Yoongi!”
           You’ve stunned yourself into silence with your outburst, Yoongi across from you looks a bit lost himself as he sits back on his heels. It’s clear the moment he comes to a realization.
           “The note.”
           It’s all you can do to breathe normally and not burst out into tears again. Yoongi’s expression turns mournful when he sees you.
           “Oh, jagiya…” leaning forward, Yoongi somehow manages to pull you into his lap. Wrapping his arms around you and tucking your head close to his chest, Yoongi pulls you in as close as he can. He sways gently back and forth, a hand coming up to cup your cheek to make you look at him.
           You do so begrudgingly, feeling like nothing more than a large child. However, the moment you meet his eyes, it hits you like a lightning strike.
           “Do you remember,” he begins quietly, “that time when your final paper accidentally got deleted? All you had left to do on it was add the reference page. You were distraught, remember?”
           Of course you do. It’s the stuff of nightmares. Countless hours spent laboring over a final essay for a class you loathed, only to make a stupid mistake and delete it all. All of it, all nineteen pages were gone in a blink. Your hard work along with it.
           “I remember you called me, a sobbing mess. Obviously I thought you’d hurt yourself, the way you were crying about killed me.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, leaving you completely enraptured in his spell as he continues speaking. “I fought with Namjoon because I needed to go see you, but we had a schedule. It was an interview, I don’t even remember for what or with whom, but I was so angry. I seriously thought I was gonna punch him. Then I remembered he goes to the gym a lot more than me, so I didn’t.”
           He manages to make you crack a small grin at that. The sight spurs him on. “But I’ll never forget the sight I saw when I finally made it out to your house later that night. It was like what, two in the morning? No one knew I was even going over, which obviously I did on purpose. I didn’t want to get into another argument. When I walked in your apartment, you were sat at the kitchen table. Remember?”
           The memory is vague, tinged with exhaustion and disappointment, but it’s there. You’d set up camp at your kitchen table all day, missing all other appointments just to try to rewrite your paper. You were half delirious at that point, staring at the screen seemed equal to burning at the stake.
           “I’ve never seen you look more exhausted in my entire life,” Yoongi chuckles. “I remember I was ready to write the paper for you, I was so sad for you. But when I made it over there, I was floored to see that you’d already written it. Not only that, but you’d written twenty-seven pages. Twenty-seven! Who does that?!” He shakes his head at you, looking absolutely shocked.
           “When I asked you why you would do that, you just shrugged and said, ‘why not reach for the stars?’ Then you submitted it, stood up, walked over to me and gave me a hug before going straight to bed. I was so shocked that I just stood there for ages, trying to fathom what had just happened.”
           Yoongi sighs, glancing up at the night sky. You admire his jawline from this angle, nuzzling in a little closer to him for warmth. He notices that you didn’t bring your coat out with you, giving you a playful glare before gently rubbing his hands up and down your arms.
           “Why did you tell me that?”
           You can feel his shrug. “You are more capable, more special than you will ever know. I’ve always kept that in my heart, over the years. Why not reach for the stars? Jagiya…”
           Yoongi shuffles a little bit before cupping your chin and pointing toward the horizon where the sun has slipped down. The night sky is becoming more visible by the second, a few stray stars winking down at you.
           “Look.” He points at a certain spot in the sky just in time for you to see a streak of breathtaking light.
           A falling star.
           In the span of a few minutes, you’re completely speechless as the sky continues to darken and your eyes are glued heavenward. Gradually, more and more falling stars dart across the sky, taking your breath away. As they continue, you recall Young-mi’s words. The sky is coming to say hello.
           Yoongi reaches for your hand, easily enveloping it while tracing the outline of your knuckles.
           “You,” Yoongi breathes out, sending tingles down your spine. “Are the stars I’ve been reaching for ever since that night.”
           Heart thundering against your ribs, you turn to look at him only to find his eyes also trained on the heavens. He speaks the words softly, almost to himself, but you still catch them.
           “You’re a star, all the way up there…and I’m all the way down here. Maybe all I’m meant to do is admire you from afar. But for tonight, just for a moment, I’ll hold you.” His eyes slide down to meet yours, glinting with pure starlight. Cold and beautiful. Hurtling toward you, burning up in your atmosphere and leaving you wondering what would happen if you let him in.
           If it would lead to utter destruction or the most beautiful thing you’ve ever witnessed.
           All words have escaped you at this moment in time, but you don’t feel the need to scramble for some sort of a response. Instead you settle for snuggling in a bit closer, allowing Yoongi to hold you a bit tighter.
           Tonight, he’ll hold you close to his chest while what will later be recorded as the most prominent meteor shower in recent history rains down above you. The dark night sky is set aflame with streaks of silver as falling stars graze the earth, sharing a sweet goodnight kiss as they hurtle through space. You marvel at the seemingly never-ending parade the night sky puts on, relishing the way Yoongi keeps your warm as he also marvels at the wonder above you.
           There’s no words that are exchanged for the entirety of the meteor shower, the only form of communication found in the patterns Yoongi traces out against the back of your hand and the way he gazes down at you from time to time. As though making sure you’re really there.
           It’s a long while before the meteor shower begins to fade, and it’s only when you hear Yoongi softly calling your name that you realized you’ve dozed off.
           “It’s over, jagiya,” he coos, brushing hair away from your eyes. “Let’s get you to the car, then you can sleep the rest of the way home.”
           Somehow you two manage to make it to the car, you yourself being much more coherent by then due to the sharp pains in your ankle. You realize that you two are some of the few people left at the beach, making you wonder when everyone else left.
           Your eyes are half-closed when Yoongi begins to drive away, your hand finding his atop the console.
           “You know you don’t need to worry about us, right?” Yoongi mumbles out, glancing over at you with a worried expression. “We’ll support whatever you decide to do. Remember what I said before? You’re the most capable person I know. You don’t need us, not really. Just…be happy.”
           You mumble out something incoherent, not completely realizing that he’s referring to the aftermath of the pact until you’re already asleep.
           The next thing you know, you’re parked in front of your apartment and Yoongi is grinning down at you from the passenger side door.
           “C’mon,” he urges, helping you out of the car. “Careful with the ankle.”
           “Mmm.”
           It takes a bit of careful maneuvering to get up the stairs to your apartment, but you manage to make it. Leaning up against the door, you fumble for your keys.
           Once you’ve found them, you hand them straight over to Yoongi. You’re far too tired to attempt unlocking your door at the moment. He laughs at your behavior, shooting you a proud gummy smile when he unlocks the door. You don’t even have to ask before he’s assisting you inside, helping you hobble to your room before turning to leave.
           “Thank you, Yoongi. For everything.”
           Yoongi smiles down at his shoes. “We’ll swing by tomorrow to check up on you if that’s ok?”
           We.
           Your stomach flips to remember that you’re over now with these dates. Now what-
           “Or just shoot me a text? I know that might be awkward if we all show up…”
           “Thank you. I’ll text you?” You sigh, running your hands over your face. “Yoongi, I…” You trail off, staring up at him from your bed as your mind and heart races. There’s just no words.
           With a soft smile, he leans down and pecks your nose. The innocent gesture has your ears turning red, which widens his grin.
           “I know.” He whispers back.
           And then he’s gone.
           And you’re left here, suddenly colder than ever.
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the dates are DONE. please let me know your thoughts, I love hearing from you! Tomorrow I'll be opening up a poll for your top two dates, so stay tuned for that! 
alsooo stay tuned this week because I may have a lil bonus chapter for you guys 
taglist: @baepsaetay @dreamcatcherjiah @kookie-vuitton @thecaffeinatedscribbles @moon-write @fangirl125reader @heishichoulevi @knjkitten @sacha-cff @vik7797  @eusticenatalie @hesmyphenominiall @miriamxsworld @kayahay @secretlycrazyhummingbird @marianeamine @hqtetsurou @protontippens @beginwithamin @delacyrose224  @luvtaeha @fanfictionreader05 @mininimmy @dreadity  @starlight-night0 @luzaroon @seaoffangirling @prachi05 @fangirl125reader @bluehairedotakugem @hunnibxbe @kayahay @fanfictionreader05 @seokjinmoonfics @littletinyhobi @honeyhalcyon @yoontaethings @herrmionejgranger  @beepbeep11 @extraordinary_reads @vntwishlist @aussiebeachbabes​ @hitsussi @hannah2291 @alwaysasadaesthetic​ 
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kkyujikoo · 3 years
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These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.
Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.
I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.
So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?
Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?
Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.
You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.
Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.
No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.
Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.
And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)
But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.
Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?
Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.
Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.
Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.
Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.
I applaud you, people on the editing team.
So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.
Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?
Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.
Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭
I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.
But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?
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