#and i KNOW chris and lola won’t let me down!!!

[sarah-cam]

no because when 'speak now' plays in season 3 while conrad confesses he still loves belly and tells her not to marry jeremiah… what then??

when i hear "so don't say yes, run away now; i’ll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door; don't wait, or say a single vow; you need to hear me out; and they said, 'speak now'; and you'll say, 'let's run away now'"… WHAT THEN??

[evnovaa]

Blame | Chris Sturniolo.

Chris Sturniolo x reader

“I feel stripped of my skin and alone.”

Genre: angst

Warnings: slight anxiety and swearing

a/n: alrightie cuties enjoy!

“Chris you are seriously starting to piss me off can you MOVE.” Nick says to his brother as he stands in his way from getting into their shared apartment.

"Kid, you can walk around me you know that right?" Chris says in an annoyed tone.

Nick rolls his eyes and pushes past him "fucking imbecile, I swear" Nick said mumbling under his breath.

Chris was standing in the door way mainly because he was trying to get a hold of his girlfriend who doesn't seem to be answering the phone. Recently she's been distant and he has been assuming the worst either she is cheating on him or she's hiding something that she might be enduring without his knowledge.

Chris ⭐️ : y/n can you please just respond to say you are okay

Chris⭐️: y/n I don't know what's been going on with you recently, and I'm not fucking akinator this shit is getting annoying.

Read at 9:59pm

Chris is still getting no response from y/n, she's clearly reading his messages which now indicates that she's ignoring him.

"Dude are you gonna stand there there the whole night?" Matt says to him coming down the stairs.

Chris goes ahead and ignores what his brother just said to him, in that moment it sounded like nothing but gibberish as he is still staring at his phone.

"Before Christmas Christopher." Matthew says to him awaiting a response.

Chris sighs and puts his phone in his pocket and walks into their apartment. He shoots straight to his room and shuts the door behind him.

Next morning

Y/n pov

I can see my boyfriend texting me and I know he's gotten irritated with me, but right now he is the last person to be irritated.

Me and Chris have been together for almost 3 years now, he is really amazing and been amazing all these years.

What has changed you may ask? Well all these years he has been amazing but like everyone else their boyfriend may do something they dislike but don't have the heart to say anything. For me it's him and his never ending friendship as he'd like to say with his ex-girlfriend

Earlier yesterday

"She really is incredible, but y/n hates the mention of her, l've noticed anytime I mention Lola around her she tends to get quiet and isn't present in the conversation anymore" Chris says venting to his friend Larry.

"Chris imma have to be honest with you, it is lowkey weird that you're so close to Lola while dating y/n, I don't know the boundaries surrounding your relationship, but usually girls don't want their man parading around with their ex-girlfriend."

"But listen she's more of a friend to me, dating her was like something I did because I felt alone, and needed the reassurance of a partner, but Lola and I grew into friends more than a couple, hence we broke up" Chris knows what he's saying is true in his mind but in his heart he loves Lola still, but refuses to come to terms with it.

"I don't know chrissypoo, you're gonna have to figure that one out with her." Larry says knowing this conversation will be far from productive if anything it was moving in retrograde.

“But Larry nothing is going on with me and Lola so I don’t understand y/n’s avoidance with her.” Chris tries to sound convincing but deep down he know he is spewing utter bullshit.

Chris’s phone stars to ring and he sees it is his girlfriend, he answers the phone as if he is trying to cover up something.

Larry gives him a look of “why do you sound guilty” but they let that moment die silently

“Hey baby!” Chris says

“Oh hey babe…why do you sound like that” y/n says chuckling lightly, but laced with concern and curiosity.

“Oh no it’s nothing I’m just kickin it with Larry, uh do you wanna come over maybe? I miss you.”

“I mean sure I just left the nail salon, but you won’t believe who I bumped into”

“Huh? Who? Was it Aaliyah?” He says mentioning one of their best friends

“No unfortunately, but it was your girlfriend Lola.” Y/n says sarcastically and laughing, hoping Chris would return the same reaction.

“WHAT? Lola is NOT my girlfriend, you are baby why would you say that.” Chris says shocked, mainly because Lola was the person they were talking about not too long ago and the conversation being about y/n’s feelings toward Lola.

“Chris are you okay genuinely what the fuck are you on about” y/n says slightly taken aback by his erratic response.

“Baby I have no idea what you’re talking about, actually let’s talk more when you get home alright?” Chris says quickly, now he knows he is being weird but is trying his very best to play it cool, newsflash it’s not working in his favor.

“Oh uh okay…” y/n says before ending the call not even exchanging goodbye’s and I love you’s like they usually do.

Y/n always had suspicions that she might be Chris’s rebound for Lola but they have been together for too long for that to even make sense in any kind of way. But again y/n is anxious by nature, she overthinks everything. Well tonight she decided that she was gonna go through his phone, she’s hoping and praying to find absolutely nothing to suggest that he’s doing something he shouldn’t.

She gets to the triplets apartment and they all exchanged greetings and ate their brunch together, Larry left a bit earlier so y/n was bummed she couldn’t see him but she continued with her early afternoon with her boyfriend. Chris went with his brothers to film their Wednesday vlog.

Y/n got bored and decided to go to Chris’s room and stay there for a bit, she decided to also watch some Netflix on Chris’s MacBook. She’s done with the episode of her favorite show and as she is about to close the laptop she sees a new IMessage notification from Lola.

Lolaaa👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏻 : I’m almost there!

Chris : alright hurry tho😭

Chris: oh also we can’t hang for too long, told y/n I’m out filming with Matt and Nick

Lolaaa👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏻 : lying to your girlfriend to meet me🤭 should I be honored?

Chris : should be she would flip if she knew what was happening

Lolaaa👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏻 : where are Matt and Nick if she thinks you’re with them?

Chris : oh yeah they are in the area, thrifting lol

Lolaaa👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏻 : ohh okay, also parking rn so see you soon 💋

Chris : ight

Y/n wasn’t crazy, she couldn’t believe what she just read. Everything Chris has ever promised to her has become a lie,

“we never hang out without you around.”

“She’s not even that important to me anymore.”

“I’m glad the friendship is drifting, gives me a chance to focus on us.”

everything he has ever said to her about Lola starts to ring in her head like a bell going haywire. Her vision gets blurry and she couldn’t hold it in, she broke down, she felt like her trust with him is broken and things were going wrong. She doesn’t think straight and decides to call him.

She starts calling him as her tears stream down her face as she sniffles.

“Chris?”

“Hey uhhh I’ll call you back alright? I’m just in the middle of something I promise I’ll call you back”

“Oh okay” before she could finish her sentence he hung up.

Her heart shattered, she was picturing the worst, Was he cheating? Was he out doing things couples would do with her? How many times has she been lied to regarding Lola? All these questions were in her head and she didn’t know how to cope and feel in that moment.

She broke down even more in Chris’s bed and in his hoodie that she wears all the time. She feels her chest closing and her head spinning.

minutes pass and y/n is on the edge of the bed facing the floor and she has never felt more alone in that moment. Chris knew y/n wasn’t social, she didn’t have many friends, if not all her friends were his friends so we’re they actually ever y/‘s friends? She wouldn’t think so.

She gets her car keys and she leaves his apartment.

The drive home felt almost like an out of body experience. She felt like her whole world just ended, she never had trust issues with him till recently, he would mention her more than he should. she didn’t realize it but she was becoming distant in her realization and overthinking when it came down to Lola.

Chris pov

“I missed you a lot y’know” Lola says to Chris with eyes that show yearning and slight sorrow.

“I missed you too, life has been weird without seeing you as much, but I’ve adjusted I guess.” Chris says genuinely, he meant every word, in all seriousness he didn’t know if he still liked the thought of himself with Lola.

“I mean, you’re in a relationship and it made me back off, I didn’t want to but it was out of respect.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, I need you too Lola.” Chris realizes he said the last part of his sentence out loud, if anyone was there they would say that was the worst freudian slip ever.

“You need me? Since when? y/n was all you ever talked about day in and day out.” Lola says looking up at her best friend.

“I mean you’re my friend right? Friends need each other.” Chris says trying to save himself.

“Chris do you still want to be with me? I can’t tell and I need to know I can’t keep sneaking around to meet you.” Lola says pleading with the boy.

Chris has major whiplash in that moment and looks at here with shock, as if she almost read his mind.

“I- no, I’m with y/n, we broke up for a reas-“ Chris gets interrupted by Lola’s lips and he cannot stop it, his lips melted into hers and they shared a moment that only they will be able to describe.

Lola pulls away first from the kiss and is the first to speak.

“You can’t keep lying to yourself Chris, the way you just kissed me contradicts everything you just said does it not?” Lola says looking at him knowing she’s right

“Lola what the fuck was that? You can’t fucking do that I have a girlfriend, I don’t fucking want you!” Chris says yelling out of guilt

“Tell me you don’t want me, say it.” Lola says

“Lola-“

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME FUCKING SAY IT CHRISTOPHER”

“I CAN’T SAY IT OKAY? I CANT!” Chris yelling at Lola, her eyes enlarged and his eyes were filled with tears and he was filled with guilt and distress.

“I can’t fucking do this Lola.” Chris says as he walks away from Lola leaving her in the middle of the empty parking lot.

Chris calls Matt to tell him to come get him, which he does, Chris enters the car without a word to either of his brothers.

“You okay kid?” Matt says concerned

“Yeah I’m fine, fuck I need to text y/n.”

Chris calls and texts to no response, they arrive at home and still nothing from his girlfriend.

They arrive at their apartment, see y/n’s car isn’t there, sends Chris into a panic.

Chris ⭐️ : y/n can you please just respond to say you are okay

Chris⭐️ : y/n I don't know what's been going on with you recently, and I'm not fucking akinator this shit is getting annoying.

Chris feels nothing but guilt and anger in his body, and he has no idea how to deal with it. His night is filled with crying and silent suffering

He in this moment only has himself to blame.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

A/n: well! That went well didn’t it 😟 #prayfory/n free you my heart 😭🙏🏽 lmk if y’all want pt.2

[strniohoeee]

Vain

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader *friendship*

Synopsis: Y/N is stuck in a toxic relationship, and when they break up. She runs to Chris for his advice🥹

Warnings⚠️: Talks of a toxic relationship, trauma, mentions of a hand being raised at readers face

Song for the imagine: Conceited- Lola Young (this song is fucking good literally LISTENNN)

Told me that you loved me, you're just talking to yourself

I don't wanna know, I don't wanna hear it

Let yourself out, you're so conceited

365 days….365 days trapped, hurt and angry. I was angry because I was trapped. Trapped in this god awful toxic relationship. With a “man” who did not care. He could care less if I lied there bleeding in front of his eyes. He’d probably laugh in my face and walk over me. This I knew, and I hated myself everyday for staying with him because I loved him.

How could I love someone as crazy and deranged as him? That I’m not sure of, but when you fall for someone you fall for it all. The imperfections and the beauties. But he…he had too many imperfections. Ones that would bleed into our relationship tainting it.

Him and I started off strong. He was amazing to me, he did it all. I truly felt like a princess when I was with him. He got along with my friends, my family, just everyone in my life. I thought I would eventually marry the guy. But here I am hurt and alone.

About 7 months into our relationship something in him flipped, and to this day I can not understand what happened to him. He wouldn’t talk to me, or explain anything it always ended up in him lashing out.

“Baby…I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I’m here for you” I would tell him

“I don’t need you here for me. Go away” he would tell me

“How can we be in a relationship when you won’t even communicate” I told him

“Shut your fucking mouth” he’d warn

“I don’t know why you resent me so much. If you’re not happy we can break up” I would say softly

“Break up? You’re nothing without me. You need me, you can not live without me.” He would say scoffing

That’s how most of our arguments went. He’d call me useless, pathetic, no good, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’d have no one on my side if I broke up with him, he’d turn everyone against me. Every horrible thing you can think of, he has said to me.

And like an idiot I stayed. I stayed because I was scared. Scared that he’d truly truly hurt me. Sometimes when we argued and he’d get close to me there would be this twinkle in his eye. A twinkle of malice like he’d actually put his hands on me. Fear controls every aspect of life, more than you’d think.

The only person I felt comfortable going to was Chris and his brothers for help. Often they’d tell me to just dump him and come stay with them, and that they’d keep me safe. However I could never bring myself to do it. I was scared.

Chris and I had grown really close a few months back. I would even consider him my best friend. I told him everything, and when things would get bad and I would have a panic attack it was Chris who was there to calm me down. At first * Y/N boyfriends name* didn’t really care that I was friends with Chris up until things started to get really really bad.

He’d check my phone whenever he wanted, read my messages, go through my DM’s, look at my call history. He’d watch my location constantly asking where I’m going. I was his prey. He wouldn’t leave me alone and he knew it scared me, but that was something he loved

When he would go to work I’d call Chris and catch him up on everything, and then had to beg him to not text or call me, or initiate any contact until I did.

For our one year anniversary last week we didn’t do a thing. He even acted like he forgot, and when I mentioned it he flipped out. Telling me that I’m a piece of shit, and that I didn’t deserve a single thing. But I never wanted anything, I just wanted my boyfriend back.

Today he was at work, and I wanted to be nice and make him some dinner, turn on some music, and just try and have a good night with him.

When he got home I could immediately tell he was not happy, and that this night would end in another fight

“The fuck you doing” he said walking into the kitchen

“Uhhh hi to you too, i was making you dinner” I said giving him a smile

“I’m not eating that shit” he said opening the pot and throwing the lid down on the stove, causing me to jump a little bit

I paused for a moment contemplating how I would go about my next comment

“What the fuck have I ever done to you?” I asked him finally looking at him

“You haven’t done shit for me. You’re nothing, you’re a nobody” he said

“What’s your problem with me? You used to be so sweet and loving, and now you’re just angry and mean” I said back

“You ain’t nothing to me” he spit like venom

“So then leave me” I told him getting angry

“Ha! Leave you. You couldn’t survive a single day without me. You need me. I’m all you have” he shot back

“Not true at all” I spat back

“Don’t fucking speak to me like that” he said walking a little closer

“Speak to you how? I’m talking to you like a normal adult. You’re acting like a child” I told him

“I should fucking spit on you” he said with a smug face

“You’re a fucking psycho. You’re crazy” I told him shaking my head

“Walk away then! Go LEAVE!” He yelled the last part

“Make up your mind! Want me to go or want me to stay” I said rolling my eyes at him

“I could give a shit what you do. I know you’ll be crawling back” he said crossing his arms

“You’re so full of yourself. I don’t need you” I spat back at him

“Yeah you fucking do” he said now standing infront of me

“NO I FUCKING DONT” I yelled at him

“DONT RAISE YOUR FUCKING VOICE LITTLE GIRL” he yelled back

“LITLE GIRL?” I questioned yelling back

“YEAH LITTLE FUCKING GIRL. GO BOOHOO CRY TO YOUR FRIENDS…..oh wait you don’t have any” he said laughing

“FUCK YOU” I screamed in his face, and immediately he raised his hand and I flinched and stepped back. Utter shock on my face

“Did you just try and hit me?” i asked started to walk away from him

I ran and grabbed my purse, phone and car keys. Walking to the front door

“You’re not going anywhere” he said following me

“I am! YOU DONT OWN ME! I'M LEAVING AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. YOURE A FUCKING LUNATIC WE ARE DONE” I yelled at him, swinging the door open and running out and to my car

Once in my car. I started to drive to the triplets house. As he kept calling and texting non stop but I kept ignoring him.

I got to the triplets house, and once I rang the doorbell Chris came down and was shocked to see me

“Hey! What are you doing here?? Are you okay?” He asked reading my face in worry

“I broke up with him” I said as he let me into the house

“What happened??” Chris asked as we went down to his room

“He’s a fucking psycho” I said pacing his room back and forth

“Go on” Chris said

“I make dinner for him trying to be nice, and he comes home all nasty and rude and starts fighting with me calling me all types of names and that I’m nothing without him” I told Chris still pacing the room shaking with anxiety

“And then”…my voice “he fucking raised his hand like he was going to hit me” I said finally stopping

“Did he hit you?” Chris asked in disbelief

“No he didn’t. I walked out before he could do anything” I said

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry! You don’t deserve this, and he doesn’t deserve you” Chris said

“God! What the fuck is wrong with me. How could I stay with someone like this for so fucking long. A fucking maniac” I said finally breaking down and crying, and Chris comes running over to grab me and bring me back to his bed

“Hey! Don’t beat yourself up for someone like him. Kids got a lot of fucking problems, but this isn’t your fault” Chris said rubbing my back

“I fucking love him. I will always love that kid, and no matter how shittt he treats me. My chest hurts from how much I love him” I said sobbing

“You can love him, that's normal. But you can’t beat yourself up for how you feel!” Chris told me

“I know but I’m just so fucking stupid for staying with him. No matter how many time you told me to leave him, and so I just didn’t” I said still sobbing

“Listen he’s a horrible person, and yes you should’ve left him a long time ago, but it’s your life and you will do what’s best for you” he told me

“I don’t wanna feel this pain anymore. I don’t know who I am. He completely ruined me” I said to Chris

“It’s going to hurt. It’s going to fucking suck, but you need to hurt and cry and feel pain in order for you to heal. So allow yourself those emotions, and you will see with time it will get better. You don’t need him. You never did need him, you’re a strong independent woman, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Got it?” Chris said

“Yes. Thank you Chris I love you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am to have someone like you in my life” I responded wiping my eyes

“Kid I love you so fucking much. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to see you hurting or crying, especially over some loser like him. You deserve better…way better” Chris said pulling me in for a hug

“Thank you Chris” I said hugging him back

“There’s plenty of other guys who will truly care for you, and treat you like the beautiful queen you are” he said kissing my head

“You’re right” I said pulling away from the hug to wipe my eyes one more time

“Who knows?? Maybe I’m that guy” Chris said wiggling his brows

I started to laugh “yeah maybe. Who knows” I said giving him a smile

“There’s that beautiful smile of yours” he said smiling back

“I love you Chris”

“I love you too Y/N”

The End

Hope yall like this one too. I’m like ehhh about this, but I liked the idea. I’ll be posting the Matt cabin in the woods, and poignant part 2 tonight, but for rn IMA TAKE A NAP CAUSE A BITCH IS TIREDDD

-J💅🏽

[goodguydotmp3]

two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others. 

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

 Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort. 

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like! 

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months. 

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time. 

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It  actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE! 

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take. 

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen 

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that  gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer. 

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does. 

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!) 

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app. 

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo. 

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK. 

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles. 

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus. 

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

[detectivecarlosreyes]

In Case of Emergency (Ch 3/10)

Ao3 | 1.5k | Eventual Buddie | Status: Incomplete 

Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter 

Chapter 3  - Overpasses, relationship advice and ......Minecraft? Buck was quiet after the incident on the overpass, Eddie makes the executive decision to check on him for his own peace of mind. An additional scene for 2x08: Buck, Actually

Waiting outside Buck’s apartment after knocking on the door with a six-pack under his arm, Eddie wondered if he was being overly concerned for no good reason. In the short amount of time knowing the man, Eddie had come to learn some of his quirks; one of which was his consistent commentary on their days off, whether it be text messages or his presence on social media.

After that call on the overpass, he’d gone quiet, contemplative even, and become radio silent since they went their separate ways at the end of their shift which carried over into their day off.

Being threatened by a gun was something Eddie knew all too well and understood how compartmentalise such an event from his time overseas, but he knew that wasn’t the case for most if not all civilians. That kind of experience could be difficult for anyone to shrug off, and he figured that was the reason for Buck’s silence.

So now, here he was, coming to check on the man who he now considered a friend just as much as he was a co-worker, except now he was second-guessing if they were even at the level of friendship where it wouldn’t be considered odd for him to be checking up on him. They haven’t known each other for that long, and it would make more sense for someone else in the team to check on him having known him longer.

Knowing the man should be home after seeing his jeep parked outside, Eddie knocked on the door a second time and called Buck’s name after getting no response from inside. He sighed, tipping his head back in exasperation feeling ridiculous over his unease, like he was overreacting, which he felt like he was.

He knocked one last time and when he still heard nothing from the other side of the door, stepped back, pulling his keys out of his pocket to get to his phone to call the unresponsive man, only pausing in his actions when the blue marked key captured his attention.

Forgoing the call, he decided to make use of the key instead and let himself in, calling out to Buck once again. He peered around taking in the space, easily finding him in the living room on the couch with his back to Eddie, play what looked to be Minecraft?

It’s only when he looked more closely, could Eddie see the reason why Buck didn’t answer the door. He was wearing what seemed to be noise cancelling headphone and was completely unaware that there was anyone else in the apartment with him.

Setting the beer down on the dining table, Eddie moved to stand behind Buck and lifted one of the earpieces from Buck’s ear, and said quietly, “Someone could rob you right now and you wouldn’t even know it.”

He pursed his lips in amusement when Buck visibly jumped, dropping his controller on the floor in surprise.

“Jesus Eddie!”  Buck hissed as he clutched dramatically at his chest, turning to look up at him as he slipped the headphones from his head, “What the hell? Give a guy a heart attack why don’t you!”

Eddie put up his hands in surrender, not feeling in the least bit guilty taking the opportunity to scare Buck, “I knocked and called your name 3 times.”

Buck huffed as he picked up the controller and set it down on the coffee table, “What are you doing here man?” he asked, half-turning around on the couch to look at him properly.

Eddie rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling silly seeing now that Buck seemed perfectly fine. “I came to check on you.”

Seeing the confusion written on Buck’s face, he elaborated “You’ve been quiet since that call at the overpass, thought you might like someone to talk to.”

Buck lit up in understanding and shook his head, “I’m alright, just had a lot on my mind is all.”

Eddie moved back to the table and pulled out two of the beers, proffering one to Buck, “Did you want to talk about it? I mean- it’s not every day you have a gun pointed at you.”

“Oh, that?” Buck waved his hand dismissively with a shrug before extending it out over the back of the couch towards Eddie, gesturing for the beer, “That’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with a gun, although it was the first loaded one.”

Eddie pressed the bottle into his hand and took the cap off his own as he moved to sit in the nearby armchair, curiosity piqued “It’s not?”

Twisting the top off his beer, Buck took a swig before answering, “Weapons training and simulations was part of Navy SEAL training. I guess it’s something I got used to.”

Eddie leaned forward, feeling both surprised and impressed over this revelation. “You trained in the SEALs? Wouldn’t have pegged you for something like that.”

“Yep,” Buck answered casually, popping the p as he settled back into the couch cushions, sling an arm across the back, “I didn’t finish though, figured out after a while that it wasn’t for me.”

The conversation lulled for a moment as Eddie mulled over this newfound knowledge, realising that he actually knew very little about Buck. And from what he’s slowly discovering, there was a lot more to the man than meets the eye, making him want very much to get to know this surprisingly enigmatic man before him.

It’s Buck that eventually broke the silence, “We talked about relationships, about not wanting to be ignored anymore.”

It took Eddie a moment to understand what Buck was talking about. “You and Lola? The lady on the bridge?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been quiet, our talk just got me thinking about everything with Abby.”

“Your invisible girlfriend.” Said Eddie jokingly, hoping to ease the tension in Buck’s shoulders and at least get a smile to Buck’s face. He felt somewhat triumphant when Buck chuckled at the dig.

“She might as well be a ghost at this point.” He said with a sigh, “I don’t know, man. I’ve just been thinking how long is too long to wait for someone when you live in their apartment, but you barely even talk with them anymore.”

“I’m probably not the best one to talk to about relationships at the moment but let me ask you two questions. Do you love her as much as you did when she was still here? Or is it now that you love the idea of her?”

He watched as Buck considered the questions, knowing that it could difficult to distinguish between the two of them.

“You don’t have to know right this second, but just think about it. If it’s the latter, then it might be time to move on. From what you’ve said about her, she sounds like she's happy, just don’t forget that you deserve to be happy too even if that means it’s time to let go.”

“Yeah, I guess you might be right.”  Buck eventually uttered after a long pause, scrubbing at his face

“Of course, I am, would've thought by now you'd have figured out that I’m always right.” Remarked Eddie light-heartedly.

‘Sure, you are Eddie.” Buck responded with a smirk and a shake of his head as he finished off what was left of his beer before setting it down beside the controller, reminding Eddie of what Buck was playing when he came barging in.

“So... Minecraft?” He asked, changing the subject as he indicated towards the idling screen.

“Yeah, yeah I know, it’s a kid’s game,” Buck answered rolling his eyes in good humour, “But it’s surprisingly relaxing to just chill with some music and build stuff.”

“Hey, you do you man,” Eddie put his hands up, doing his best to look non-judgmental, “just please tell me you have some competitive games too.”

“I do! I swear, there’s just not many people I know who would be interested in playing.”

“Well, we’ll just have to fix that won’t we…” Eddie looked down at his watch, “…just not today. I should head off, got to pick Chris up from school.”

Buck stood up with him and they both made their way to the door, “Oh yeah of course man. But yeah we should totally do that sometime, and you know Christopher is always welcome too.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Eddie opened the door and made a move to leave when Buck’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Eds.” Eddie paused in the doorway and turned to find Buck awkwardly tapping a knuckle to the door frame. “Thanks for stopping by to check on me. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.”

“No worries Buck, what are friends for. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you at work.”

It may not have been an emergency reason to use the key like it was intended for, but it was well worth the trip to Eddie, especially when he left the apartment with the understanding that he just got to see a side Buck that he had a feeling that few people get to meet having only seen the persona that Buck let them see and now more than he would have expected, he would very much like to get to know this Buck that he's met today even more.

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH3 PT11

Warnings: One curse word, Mentions of mugging, A N G S T, Ike finally snapping, annoyingly lovable family members, foreshadowing, and cliffhangers!! :D

(Chapter Three (Victor and Lucien) prologue and part one, and parts two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D)) Chapter three:

Part eleven:

Lucien and I walked together into the dining room, where we were met with quite the sight. Big bowls of various vegetables and side dishes took up most of the table. Pans of meats sat in the center, enticing the room with their aroma. 

Sam was pacing back and forth behind the table muttering to himself, Maria tried her best to tell him to stop while wrestling with a very disobedient Lola to get into her highchair. Bart and Ashton sat in their usual seats at the table being absolutely no help at all to the struggling mother, and Adri stood by the entrance of the dining room looking somewhat uncomfortable talking to a familiar, smiling face.

“Chris.” I regarded him and moved to talk to my eldest foster brother. I was stopped by a hand on my sleeve. I looked up to Lucien. He smiled and tugged on my sleeve again. He leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. “Do not forget about what you promised me.” A shiver crept up my spine as my shoulders tensed slightly. He sounded so sweet but there was also a tone of seriousness, almost as if he were almost threatening me. I opened my mouth to respond but I felt another hand wrap around my arm and pull me from Lucien.

“Leave room for Jesus.” Sam growled at Lucien as he pulled me from him, “And then an extra spot for me. And then one for anyone else who wants to join in!” Lucien chuckled and let go of my sleeve. Sam spit out his tongue and pulled me to Chris and Adri. Before we got too close though, I twisted my arm so Sam would face me.

“You don’t need to save me from him, you know.” I scrubbed Sam’s head lightly, “I'm a big girl. I can handle him.”

“I know!” Sam threw my hand off from his head and looked behind him quickly, “I just want Lucien to know that he is messing with more than just you when he hurts you like that.”

“He didn’t hurt me.” I looked back just in time to catch Lucien walking to Maria, offering a hand to help with the screaming Lola, “I was just… just-”

“Ikie!” Chris seemed extra enthusiastic as he approached me with open arms, making me stubble slightly backwards as he embraced me.

“H-Hey, Chris!” I completed Chris’ hug, holding him tightly, “When did you-” Chris tensed at my touch slightly. “Something wrong?” I asked, pulling from his hug to  look at him, “Am I hugging too hard?”

“No.. you… uh.” Chris laughed nervously as he awkwardly stepped backward, “You actually hugged me back. I’m not going to lie, it kind of threw me off!” He rubbed his neck and he laughed even more.

“Yeah.” I sighed heavily, “I’ve been thinking about giving PDA another chance lately.” My eyes drifted to Lucien. He had been able to successfully help Lola into her highchair. She was now giggling and laughing as Lucien wiggled his fingers playfully in front of her. He wore the brightest smile on his face at that moment. I couldn’t help but think about the night before. The image of the face that I had left behind seemed to be the complete opposite of the one he wore now… and I was the cause of that. 

Lucien suddenly turned his head and caught me staring at him. At that moment, he was all smiles. Not a drop of sadness from the night before seemed to have lingered there. Then why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like something is off? Was it Lucien that was off or was it me? 

Lucien seemed to have caught onto the emotions I had been feeling. He had turned completely around to face me but I wasn’t ready to be asked about my well being. I didn’t even know how I would answer. Instead, I turned to Adri and addressed her kindly.

“So, you met Chris.”

“Yup!” Chris answered for her, “We are having a ball just talking to each other.”

“Yeah!” Adri’s tone seemed forced and over the top as she responded with toxic sarcasm, “I don’t feel like I’m being strangled with positivity at all!”

“That’s the Christopher way!” Chris smiled wide enough to completely close his eyes as he puffed out his chest proudly. I rolled my eyes at the same time Adri had faked a gag. We caught sight of each other and stood awestruck at both of our incredible rudeness to our completely positive brother. Adri snorted and covered her mouth as she laughed hardily.  Chris started laughing along with her, thinking it was his joke that made her drop her regular bad girl facade. A smile flashed onto my face as I watched her laugh. I was normally ridiculed in that family for mocking Chris’ overly positive views. Watching Adri laughing made me feel a soft warmth in my chest.

“Everyone, find a seat and we can get started!” Maria shouted over the side conversations, “I’m so excited! We actually had to pull out another leaf for the table so we could fit all of our guests around it!!” I watched Maria as she spoke. Something about her was off. Her usual cheery grin looked wiry and forced. I wonder if she had gotten any sleep last night or if she had stayed up worrying about me and Adri’s arrival, I sighed as I thought to myself, How selfish am I?! Couldn’t I have just waited out the night instead of adding another thing to Maria’s jam packed plate?

“Come sit next to me, Ri-Ri!!” Chris took Adri by the arm and dragged her towards the table. 

“Uh, ok!” She barely had time to answer as she was forced in a seat next to Chris. She looked up to me. With pleading eyes she mouthed, “Help!” I closed my eyes and held a fist to my chest, saluting her brave sacrifice. I opened one of my eyes in time to see her playfully glaring at me. I opened both eyes and winked at her as I made my way to a seat in the middle of the table. Sam saw my movements and rushed to my side, taking a chair next to me. He beamed as we sat at the table together. Sam’s smile turned into a frown as Lucien sat down in the free chair on the other side of me. I ruffled Sam’s hair a little more as we prepared for Maria’s usual prayer. I reached up to take Lucien’s hand but stopped as Maria called my name.

“Ike.”

“Yeah?”

“Y-your sleeves… they’re rolled up.” Maria’s tone was soft but she obviously wanted something to be done.

“Oh!” I looked down at them and blushed slightly, “Sorry. I’ll pull them down.” My gut turned as I released the fabric down my arms again. I should have thought about how Bart and Maria would have felt about the sleeves. I knew it made them uncomfortable. Damn this stupid selfish mind.

I turned over to look at Bart. He looked away from me and to the floor with no particular expression on his face. I hadn’t talked to Bart at all that night. I felt my eyebrows furrow slightly. Before I could ask, Lucien had taken my hand and Maria started the prayer.

>>>

Dinner had gone swimmingly. Adri felt comfortable enough to tell us a few stories from her past that she found funny. One of them being the spitball incident with Lucien. I struggled very hard to pay attention but my eyes kept shifting to the clock in the corner. Dinner was nearly done and I had no idea what I was going to say to Lucien. 

I contemplated jumping out of the kitchen window to escape it all when a soft, but clear, sneeze came from next to me. I instinctively handed Lucien a clean napkin, keeping my eyes on the clock. “Thank you.” He gratefully took it, “You’ll have to excuse me. I-.”

“Lucien!!” Maria stood up. Her smile finally fell into something that looked more comfortable to her, “You have caught a cold! I told you not to look for Ike in the rain! Now you’ve gone and gotten yourself sick!” I snapped my head to Lucien, who was smiling sweetly towards Maria, clearly avoiding my eyes. 

“Maria, I had an umbrella.” Lucien reassured her, gently guiding her back to her seat, “You have no need to worry.”

“That doesn’t mean you couldn’t have gotten sick from the cold weather!” Maria stood up again and took a closer look at Lucien. 

“Wait,” Chris spoke up with a mouth full of mashed potatoes, “Why did Lucien have to look for Ike? What happened?” My hands clenched at my jeans as the topic was brought back up. Crud. I haven’t even thought of what I’m gonna say to Lucien, let alone my family. Think, Ike. Think.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it!” Sam nervously laughed from next to me, “They were playing hide and seek in the rain!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sam.” Ashton scoffed, speaking for the first time that night, “Ike is a businesswoman and Lucien is a scientist. They are too old and smart  to play hide and seek in the rain.”

“Thanks, Ashton!” Sam spoke through his teeth angrily, still holding a wide eerie smile.

“You’re welcome.” Ashton hadn’t caught on.

“Yeah, Sam. Of course they wouldn’t!”  Adri rested her head on the palm of her hands, “I they were obviously playing Folkémon Stop and got lost! Me and my friends did that all the time. My friend actually got her mouth stuck on a pole because of it! Wanna hear why?!” I made eye contact with Adri. She winked. It was official. 

Adri was going to make an awesome sister. 

I smiled softly at her. She returned it.

“I do!” Sam said, leaning forward on the table, putting his head in his hands, “Spare no detail!”

“No offence, you two.” Chris politely held up his hand, “But I want to hear Ikie’s story first!” My smile fell.

“Judging my Ike’s expression, she won’t be the one telling it.” Maria’s tone was cold as he checked Lucien’s temperature. I looked at her, slightly taken aback. I thought we had talked and everything was fine! Why was she acting this way? “Lucien, would you mind telling it in her place.”

“I would, but I’m afraid I do not have all the details.” Lucien’s words stopped my heart. D-did he just throw me under the bus? Nice, kind, sweet, Lucien had just ratted me out like a guilty child with a bat and a broken vase? I looked at him, mouth slightly agape. He looked back at me with a warm smile. That son of a-

Maria’s eyes slowly approached mine. The anger in her eyes nearly leveled the room. I had never received that look from Maria. I had seen her use it plenty of times on the boys… on Sam, but I never was at the end of it. 

It was soul sucking.

“You haven’t talked to him yet?” Maria’s voice was low and heavy. I breathed and prepared to stand up for myself. I couldn’t get a word out before Chris interrupted.

“Wait, you were on a date weren’t you?!” He spat as he stared wide eyed at the two of us. 

“Well...” I started, struggling to find the right words. Chris whistled.

“That’s a first! A man asked Ikie out and she said yes!” He smiled and pointed his fork at the both of us, “Oh, wait. Momma is mad. The date went terribly and Ike ran away.”

“No!” I protested, finding my voice, “It was nothing like that!”

“Oh so it went great but you got separated?” Chris continued.

“Not quite.” Lucien chimed in, still smiling that infuriating smile. It was getting harder to breathe as anger toiled in my stomach. There they go again, speaking for me. Giving me no time to think or speak for myself.

“So things went great but Ike ran away?” Chris looked confused for a second but then nodded and snapped his fingers, “Because of her fear of commitment. Of course.”

“Hey!” I snapped, “That’s not-”

“Lucien,” Maria turned Lucien’s gaze towards herself as she put a wet rag on his forehead. Her eyes were full of false sympathy, “Allow me to apologize for Ike’s behavior. She doesn’t nor-”

“ENOUGH!”

I slammed my hands on the table as I stood up, the chair screeching behind me, “I’ve had it with you all shoving words in my mouth!! You guys really want to know why I left Lucien?! 

“It’s because I wanted to!” 

I felt the tenseness in the room rise. “That’s right! I’m a jerk! I’m a rude, awful, emotionless, son of a gun who let the best night of her life slip away because she felt like it! Because she took one look at how good life could be for her and trashed it!” I slammed my fist on the table, causing it to shake and spill glasses. No one moved to pick them up. 

I snapped my head around to look at Maria. “I got mugged the other day!” I said, throwing my arms up. Maria gasped and slapped a hand to her face, “Yup! Straight mugged! A guy pointed a gun to my chest and, when I failed to give in to his demands, he fired!” A gasp circled the table, “Lucky for me, he missed and got the attention of a nearby officer, who arrested him on the spot. So, you’ll have to forgive me for being untrusting!!” I immediately regretted my words as I watched the look of fear further spread across Maria’s eyes. “I’m fine!” I quickly added, waving my hands slightly and backing up from the table, “I-... they caught the guy. It was... some idiot I had fired a while back.” I lied through my teeth as I shifted in my shoes. 

Maria’s hand shakily fell from her face. Her eyes filled with tears. I looked around the table. She wasn’t the only one who looked to be on the verge of tears. Bart already had some slipping down his face. Chris was staring at me, eyes blanked and clouded over. Sam and Adri looked at me with confused and serious faces. I didn’t dare look at Lucien’s face. I instead shook my head and looked down. You were just thinking about how much you worry Maria. Now look at you, telling her that you’re being targeted! You really are a dummy. I sighed, Well, I’m in this deep.

“I ran away that night because I thought it was too good to be true.” I finally looked up to Lucien. He was looking at me with a very serious expression. “Lucien, you thought of everything.” I raised my hands again and let them fall limply to my side, “You found a place that felt like home, shops filled with ridiculous items, great food, and places to stop and appreciate it all. How on earth can you learn how to do all that by spending one night with someone like me?” Lucien opened his mouth to answer but I held a hand up. “That question was rhetorical, dummy.” Though I insulted him, I still felt a soft glow in my chest, “You were the first guy to ever stick around after dinner and, after what had happened with the mugger, I was almost certain that was because you made this big stupid plan to... hurt me.”

“Swear jar.” Ashton spoke up from his corner.

“But you weren’t!” I sighed, “And I know that now. But at the time, I let my thoughts get the best of me and I left. I’m sorry I left you like that. I was just…” I paused and closed my eyes, “... scared.”

A silence settled in the room as I finished talking. I opened my eyes in time to see Lucien reach out to me. I immediately pulled my hand back and grabbed my nearly empty beer can. “I need some air.” I grumbled, turning from the table. Chairs squeaked as people moved to stand up. Narrowly avoiding hands reaching to grab me, I walked through the doorway and I beelined directly to the door. 

“Ike!” Maria called after me, “Wait!” 

“I’m fine!” I stopped where I was and sighed. “I just need some time-” I turned right into a warm chest and, immediately, I was pulled into a strong embrace. Bart’s familiar dry scent wafted into my nose as the air was pulled out of me from his ever increasing grip. I felt another force hit my back as Maria joined the hug. Soon Sam came racing in and joined them too. Then Chris did, squeezing Sam and Bart closer to me as he had no room to actually touch me. 

“I’m not really a hugger so I’ll stay back here!” Adri called from the dining room, giving me a thumbs up, “But I’m here for you, buddy!” I sighed and relaxed, letting them hug me even tighter. Lucien appeared in the doorway. Instead of joining the huddle, he leaned on the door and looked at us fondly, letting my family enjoy their hug and the warmth together.

(Next)

[ayellowcurtain]

(1) Thank you so much for your 8 points answer to my thoughts on Lundi 22:16. I totally agree with everything and would like to add some points. Not only feels the Eliott-Lola-conection rushed and exaggerated because we never saw a propper developpment of this friendship but also Eliott takes Lucas` love for granted and that´s stupid. Eliott offended Lucas by hiding his urbex activities, by putting Lola in his bed after the assault and by letting Daphne wrongly accuse Lucas in Vendredi 23:04.

(2) Certainly nobody is perfect but after one year of relationship Eliott should be more honest, respectful and defending to his precious love of his life. I simply can´t accept his behaviour. I understand that Lola triggered his insecurities in Samedi 1:57 and he is mentally not healthy enough to withstand this but I hate how childish and weak he looked next to this brat Lola. Sorry, I do not want to be hateful I am only so disappointed how this storyline turned out (not to mention that kiss).

Thank you for coming back! I love keeping these conversations going. 

I wouldn’t say he offended Lucas, but it is annoying how he’s keeping these things from Lucas. Not because I want them to know everything about each other, but because I think it’s kinda worrying how Eliott is leaving the house late at night to go do something that he seems to enjoy very much. 

What’s the harm in telling Lucas that? He doesn’t need to take Lucas everywhere with him, but it would EVEN BETTER for them and their relationship if they knew that they could trust each other of telling things and CHOOSING  to still give each other space to live their personal lives. 

That whole part of the plot I don’t get at all. The clip after the assault it’s messy and so unnecessary to me. How they would fight over such thing as the girl being alone on their bed. I can’t believe the writers wrote them fighting like that for such a small thing while they created bigger issues between Eliott and Lucas (the kiss, the secrets, Eliott constantly seeming to agree with anyone else except for Lucas).

Before people start lecturing me: I feel like when you’re teenager, madly in love, living together, sometimes you’ll pick “your person’s” side even if they’re wrong just so they won’t stand there by themselves. 

Even if you don’t agree - even if you two talk about your different points of view later privately - when the “fight” is happening, you could take their sides. 

I feel like Joana, Even, Sander (!!!) would stand their ground in order to protect Cris, Isak and Robbe, even if they were all wrong. 

Nico didn’t really pick a side, he let Marti takes his time and come to his own conclusions and come back. I feel like David would try to argue, to calm down everyone’s nerves, etc. 

I hate that I’m going to use this plot to explain my point, but William and Penetrator!Chris picked a fight with those boys during season 2 to “““protect””” Isak and Jonas. They weren’t close friends, but sometimes you just gotta stay by the side of the ones that are closer to you. 

We know that Eliott is lying to Lucas - or at least was until that night at the club - and we know he feels bad about it or he wouldn’t let Lola’s words get to him, talking about the urbex and the lies. Even Eliott acknowledges that it’s fucked up so I don’t know how people are struggling to understand this is “an issue” between Eliott and Lucas. 

If it doesn’t bother Eliott about the way Lucas is being “wrongly” accused of being too hard with Lola by Daphné, he should at least tell Lola himself that what she did to Eliott that night was wrong. 

[mychemicalficrecs]

frerard aus where one or both of them are parents or highschool frerard aus with bullying?

Hi Nonny!

I've made a list for you where Frank and/or Gerard are parents.Check back for your other request in a day or two!

Frank And/Or Gerard Are Parents

F is for Frank by silver_etoile, 23k, Mature. Frank can't even cook mac and cheese. How can he possibly live up to being a father? Maybe the new preschool teacher can help.

How did I survive without you? by Frnk, 9k, Not Rated. Frank thought he knew everything, he had a job and an apartment, he was studying in school and working his ass off to pass his English exams. Then his entire world got turned upside down by a little boy left on his door step.

i will do my best to be... by picht, 4k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. It’s Friday evening, 6 PM, and Frank is fucking nervous. Griffon’s first meeting with this new troop begins in fifteen minutes, and they’ve been sitting in the church parking lot for the past five. There’s a lot of things that could go wrong here, is the thing. Hopefully, Frank thinks, third time’s the charm.

Sometimes the world gets so damn lonely, ya'know? by Frnk, 7k, Not Rated. "Like sometimes its not about getting drunk or talking or whatever. Sometimes you only need someones company to feel less alone in the world."

Wicked Little Town. by xofunghoul, 26k [WIP], General Audiences. In a small town in New Jersey where nothing much happens, Gerard Way runs his family's diner with his best firend Ray and he thinks his life is going nowhere special and is fine with it until Frank Iero, a young single dad of twin babies moves into town and shakes things up a little with his witts and big green eyes.

Ice Creams and Bloody Knees by charmlesstrans, 3k, General Audiences. "Good morning, girls! Time to get up!" Frank knocked and cheerily called into Lily and Cherry's room bright and early at 8 AM. "Noooo," protested Lily from behind the door. "Too tired.." Cherry explained with a sleep-muffled voice.

Four Killjoys and a Baby by forgoo, 19k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. "We are not keeping a baby!" "How hard can it be?" The story of how four teenage outlaws became the guardians of a tiny helpless baby and then raised that baby to be the tiniest Killjoy, messiah of the Zones.

Can we keep it? by NatMadness, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Chris always came home with a different animal in his hands. Gerard always said no, they already had three dogs and they were a lot of work, but the kid kept bringing them with him every day after school. Of course, he was a 6 year old little boy with a deep pasion for animals and Gerard loved that, because it reminded him so much of Frank.

Taste by A_A_Dolan, 11k, Mature. The most forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest. When married man, father, and successful artist, Gerard Way, meets an Italian, attractive, hazel eyed musician/singer at a local café...an instant attraction occurs and when things between them get hot and heavy...sudden consequences come with the price of being unfaithful.

B.F.F. by iamcatastrophicc, 36k [WIP], Mature. Gerard Way has wanted to be a dad ever since he was a kid but as he gets older he fears he might not be able to and tries to adopt. Unfortunately, they won't let him because he's a single dad so instead him and his best friend devise a scheme to get Gerard a child.

How I Met Your Father by Monroeville, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. “Dad, are you gonna tell us how you and dad met again?”

The Sad Dad Club by mousefrnk, 85k, Explicit. Ex-frontman Frank Iero is a single dad in New Jersey doing his best to raise his three girls. He meets Ray and Gerard, two dads with sons in the same class as one of his girls. Along with Gerard’s brother Mikey (who is soon to be a dad himself), they make plans to hang out every Friday, asking each other for advice and getting some much-needed adult social interaction. Thus, the Sad Dad Club is born.

Arrange The Sorrows And Joys by flax_wench, 26k [WIP], Explicit. Frank is a young, unemployed former musician in desperate need of a job; Gerard is a wealthy, single father searching for a nanny for his beloved baby girl, and hires Frank to be her nanny against Mikey's advice. Much to everyone's surprise, he turns out to be a perfect fit, and to no one's surprise, the two men slowly begin to fall for one another. Love, angst, a whole lotta smut, and an adorable baby named Lola.

I Hate my Weaknesses But they Make Me Who I Am by Frnk, rockforfrnk, 15k, Mature. Frank is a stay at home dad and suddenly his stomach issues cause him problems. All he wants is to be better and focus on his family.

Sonna Kimi ga Suki! (That Was Good!) by momiji_neyuki, RedRomRomance, Trixgrl, 13k, Mature. You meet all kinds of interesting people when you go to the park for lunch.

(We're Going) To Space by Andromedas_Void, 2k, General Audiences. “Yes?” Gerard asked, a soft smile on his (extremely cute) face, along with a dozen star, moon, and planet stickers. “Oh, ah,” Frank started, holding back a laugh. “Your, uh, the mail man delivered this to my house by mistake,” he said, biting his lip and holding out the package.

Songs For The Weak by Wearenotalright, 11k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. Frank is a history teacher at his old high school and he has a rather interesting new student. Bandit Way. She was tall and lanky and the other students shunned her for being the "weird kid". Frank has no other choice but to call her father in for a meeting to tell him the horrible news that his little girl is getting bullied.

In A Pretty How Town by fleurdeliser, tuesdaysgone, 23k, Explicit. Single dad Frank Iero moves with his son to a new town. Everyone is nice, but the mayor, Gerard Way, is positively too good to be true.

The Bench by phrankiero (orphan_account), 3k, General Audiences. Frank takes his son James to soccer practice every week. There he meets Gerard, the parent and single father of James's best friend.

I Know What It Means to Me by mistresscurvy, 9k, Explicit. Gerard didn't go to his single parents support group expecting to find love, but it found him there when Frank showed up one week. A single dads AU.

Crazy for You by sockpuppeteer, 2k, General Audiences. Frank's relief is almost palpable when there is someone home in apartment opposite, and, although mussed and a little bleary, he looks relatively friendly. And gorgeous, but Frank is definitely not focusing on that right now.

Online fantasies. by jessislame, 13k [WIP], Not Rated. It has been a long time since Gerard has reconnected with his family and friends due to being at college most of the time. So when he gets an invitation for coffee from an old friend he can't really refuse...can he?

The Secret Life of Bees by eudaimon, 12k [WIP], Explicit. Summer. Frank and his daughter have nothing left in New York, so they hit the road and end up in the tiny town of Orpheus Falls, NY. Frank meets Gerard at a farmer's market, selling artisan honey. They start to figure things out.

It Was All An Accident by MissPamelaD, PhantomSwelling, 59k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard and Frank had it all. A perfect friendship, perfect families with their wives. They're missing nothing. That is until both of their wives die in a tragic accident. They both feel at loss, not being totally able to function without their loves. But, when they decide to move together with their kids, their world changes again. Will it be for the better or for the worse?

[doodlingstuff]

Heaven Doesn’t Want Me

What if Mary had escaped alone? What if Nathaniel had grown up in Baltimore but not to become Raven!Neil nor Butcher!Neil?

What if Neil Alex Stephan Chris had met Erik during his time on Germany?

What if there was no "this" between Andrew and Neil until Baltimore?

A slight bamf!Neil, sort of soft Andrew, Renee's POV, lots of angst, hurt, blood, pain, and feelings brought to life after diving into the unsolved asks from @aftgficrec.

Read the whole thing in AO3 or stay here for the first part of the series.

Hope you like it :)

Chapter 1: Year Zero

How can your absence leave no trace? As I let you sink in Baltimore bay.

“Move” The savage pull at his hair jolted Nathaniel awake.  

Mary shoved him out of bed and hurried him to put his shoes on. Since Nathaniel could remember, they slept on their clothes, ready to race out from the house of Baltimore any moment, as it seemed they were doing then.  

Every single muscle in Nathaniel’s body screamed in pain. He had spent the whole day traveling to the biggest and darkest Exy court he had ever seen. He had played a brutal never-ending match against two older kids –Kevin and Riko- and after a violent scolding from his father, they had come back to the house.  

Nathaniel was definitely against waking up in the middle of the night to follow his mother. But he knew better than to protest, so he made his best to keep the fast pace Mary had while tiptoeing through the house.  

At some point, Mary put Nathaniel before her and kept scurrying through dark aisles until they reached the door leading to the Butcher's torture room. Nathaniel flinched away and crashed with his mother’s body. There must be a mistake. Except Mary was turning the knob to open the door.  

“Whatever happens. You never stop running and you never play  Exy again. Do you understand?”  

Of course, Nathaniel didn’t understand. He nodded anyway. Mary approved the nod and pushed  Nathaniel into the room.  

Fear crept from the tips of Nathaniel’s toes to the base of his neck like tiny spiders covering him completely. Of all the rooms in the house, that was the one he hated the most. Why would his mother take him there? Not even Mary punished him in that place. What has he done?  

“Hurry.”  

The windowless room was pitch dark. Nathaniel couldn’t even see the silver reflection from his father’s knives. The goosebumps along his arms only grew more. Nathaniel was afraid of tripping over, but at ten years old, he already knew that room like the back of his hand, just as Mary did. They advanced in total darkness.  

Mother and son were only a few feet away from the exit.  

Nathaniel felt the heat of a body even before he heard the voice.  

“The kid stays.”  

A single light was turned on from the back to let Nathaniel and Mary see the gleam of Patrick  DiMaccio’s smile while he played casually with a big chef knife. 

In a second, Nathaniel was behind Mary. That wasn’t any better though. Lola and Romero Malcolm were at the entrance he had crossed with his mother moments ago. Too many knives. Nathaniel felt her mother shiver beside him as she passed an arm around his tiny body and pointed with a gun at the guys surrounding them.  

“You don’t want to shoot that, Mary. What will the neighbors say?”  

At the sight of his father, Nathaniel was trembling too. Why were all of them there? Why his mother was running now that he was finally allowed by his father to play Exy?  

He didn’t know what was his mistake now. He had played as best as he could against the other kids. He had stayed quiet during the trip. He had obeyed. He hadn’t done anything his father hadn’t allowed or ordered first. The memory of a hot iron on his arm was still too fresh to attempt any defiance against Nathan. 

His arm started prickling for no reason. The burn had healed long ago.  

But fear.  

Fear was spreading desperately through his whole body like a fatal decease while Mary’s grip on the gun was starting to fail. Nathaniel was going to be sick soon. He knew what would happen if his stomach rebelled now, so he tried to breathe deeply enough to make the taste of bile go back down.  

It was useless as Nathan approached them.  

“I’m taking him away. You have no right to-” A fierce slap shut up Mary’s complaints.  

“He is   my   son too, and I will do as I please.”  

Mary spat blood directly to the Butcher’s shirt. “ You  won’t.”  

The next moments were a blur of movement, noise, and terror.  

Gunshots resonated in the small room like cannonballs shot on the open sea. All of the Butcher’s men launched towards them. In a split second, Nathaniel ducked and ran in search of a hiding spot among Nathan’s multiple torture instruments. There wasn’t much place to hide. There was no way to become invisible.  

“Nathaniel, RUN!” His mother’s voice commanded from somewhere inside the tangle of limbs and knives.  

So, they were running away.  

It was easy for Nathaniel to know inside a court which way the players and the ball were going, and beat them all to deflect the shoot before it reached the goal. Making the same in a small room full of grownups fighting with weapons that Nathaniel knew firsthand what could cause him, was an entirely different mission.  

There was no time to think further about it. One of the Malcolm siblings had spotted Nathaniel and was going directly for him. The boy used his small size to his advantage and scurried away, attempting to reach the trap door leading outside. His mother was making her best to keep the way free for him.  

With trembling hands, Nathaniel was picking the lock of the door. Romero was closer. Something hit the man in the head and made him lunge at Mary. The short breathing room was enough to allow Nathaniel to open the door.  

In a blink, Mary was by his side, grabbed his hand, and got out.  

Nathaniel fell on his face as his hand slipped from his mother’s. There was something hot hot hot burning his legs, his back. Someone was pinning his ankles against the floor, and the door to freedom was shut.  

“ABRAM! ABRAM!”  

There was only a door breaking Nathaniel apart from his mother, but he couldn’t reach it.     

Chapter 2: Year One

What are the words that I'm supposed to say? [...] Through the silence of fireflies

A year had passed since Mary escaped from Baltimore.

A year full of pain, and blood, and screams for Nathaniel.

He was only eleven, but his voice was nearly gone and his eyes carried the infinite hollowness of twelve months being punished endlessly for his mother’s rebellion.  

Now, Nathaniel was having the most wicked kind of déjà vu, traveling along with his father to the same dark stadium he had played last time he saw his mother.

A sudden sliver of something resembling joy attempted to surge inside of Nathaniel. Then, he remembered what Mary had told him before everything went sideways.  

Never stop running, never play    Exy    again.  

The second order had been easy to fulfill; Nathaniel had spent most of his time crying in the torture room he seemed to never get out from. It wasn’t like playing Exy at all. Perhaps for his father and Lola, it brought the same happiness Nathaniel had once felt while holding a racquet in his hands, but there had been definitely not Exy at all.        

As for the first order, it had been impossible to deliver. With two bullets in each leg and another couple on his back, Nathaniel couldn’t have run, even if he tried. Also, he had always one of the Butcher’s men on his heels, whereas it was at the house, or following him at school, making sure he stayed put. As if Nathaniel could run with infected wounds piercing his body. It was hard enough to assure the teachers he was fine.

Today, Nathaniel was expected to play a rematch with Kevin and Riko. He still didn’t understand how. He had a full collection of fresh and old wounds covering him from head to toe. The Butcher’s rage hadn’t had a limit in that year, and their men’s savagery made sure nothing healed properly. But Nathan had been clear: play well or die.

Die  would’ve been Nathaniel’s first option if he only didn’t know how slow and painful it would be. It was that or disobeying his mother’s last command. The last thing she told him before   leaving .  

Nathaniel had never felt so alone.

***

The match against Riko and Kevin was even harder than the last. They were bigger, stronger, faster, and they didn’t seem to have been used as punching bags and knife testers for the past months. It was awful.

The old man’s-they called him Master-cane on Nathaniel’s ribs wasn’t of any help either. Each and every time that Nathaniel fell, unable to keep going with his legs burning after so much time without exercise, the so-called Master would smash Nathaniel to the floor only to force him up and repeat the play again.  

Kevin’s face was shadowed by something like understanding, or petty. Riko was delighted with the show. Nathaniel was only begging for it to end. Go back to Baltimore’s torture. Be finished right there. Whatever. He just wanted it to be over.  

He only kept moving by the wonder of what his mother would be doing at that moment. If she was still alive. If she thought of him. If she would ever come back...

“Are you having fun making me look like a fool, Junior?”

Nathan’s venomous hiss brought Nathaniel back from his mind. They weren’t on the court anymore, but everything was still painted raven black. Nathaniel was pinned against a wall. Air escaping his lungs. He wanted so desperately to hung onto his father’s hands to release the pressure on his throat. He knew what would happen. Last time he almost lost a hand. He held on as best as he could.

“Look at me you useless scumbag. Are you having fun with it?”

“No.” The answer was more like the shape of his lips rather than a sound. He was choking. The little voice left was leaving him for good. Nathaniel already felt the blessing of passing out around the corner. However, he needed to stay awake. Losing consciousness only made it worse in the end. Instead, he focused on the exits around. A habit picked after twelve months wishing so hard he was somewhere else.

“I have failed them twice because of you. Tomorrow will be your last chance. Do you remember that man we taught a lesson to the last time we were here?” Nathaniel nodded as best as he could with the strong hand strangling him. “That will be you tomorrow if you don’t play like you mean it, hear me, Junior?”

Nathan didn’t wait for an answer. He only dropped Nathaniel to the floor and left after kicking him hard in the belly.  

Nathaniel had run out of tears a long ago. He let darkness swallow him in that same spot.

***

Maybe it was late at night. Maybe it was dawn. No one had come to fetch Nathaniel for the next scrimmage on the court.  

He had been thinking about his mother.  

She never wanted him there. He still couldn’t understand why. No one spoke to him. But he was certain that his mother would have her reasons to be so afraid that an escape and a battle against the Butcher’s men had been worth it. Nathaniel was certain they had haunted and ended her that same night. Regardless, there was some stubborn hope that she would come back. But she wouldn’t find him while he was in that black palace.

Nathaniel had thought he couldn’t run anymore. Today had been proof he was only out of practice. He was tired of being afraid. He didn’t want to feel the old man’s cane on his ribs for the rest of his life, or the Burcher’s knives on his skin anymore for that matter.  

He was leaving.

The Butcher had taken the few belongings they brought with him. Nathaniel only had what he was wearing, his bruises, and his willingness to be free. Almost like his mother had.  

Despite the agony bolting through his battered body, Nathaniel managed to stand up from the corner where Nathan had threatened him and reached for the exit. Of course, the door was locked. He hoped the pieces of hard string he picked from his lent racquet would be as effective as the hairpins his mother taught him to use.  

After minutes of struggle, they were.

The red lights of the hallway were disconcerting. Nathaniel was dizzy within only a few steps. The promise of a slow death made him advance. The fury of another hit from a cane fueled his steps. The fear of being used as an object when he could’ve been free beside his mother made his tired feet found the ground beneath to make him run until the exit.

The building was a complicated maze Nathaniel hadn’t understood, but he remembered the way he had come with his father. He retraced the path backward until he could reach the final door.  

The door to freedom.  

This time, no DiMaccio was covering it. There was no Lola or Romero on his heels.  

He pushed the door open and ran for his life. 

Chapter 3: Year Two

For all the things I try to hide? What is my fate, am I supposed to pray?

 As if the handcuffs securing Nathaniel’s hands on the back of the seat and his ankles to the front weren’t enough, Nathan had taken along the Malcolm siblings to watch from behind.  

 The Butcher was not repeating last year’s mistakes.  

 Six months had passed since the last time they went to Evermore and the memory was burning fresh for both  Wesninskis. Especially for Nathaniel.  

 It was either a miracle or a tragic disgrace that the boy was still alive and kicking. But there he was.

Never stop running, never play Exy again.    

 Although the pain had only increased as months went by, Nathaniel had tried his very best to outrun the Butcher and his men over and over. Consequences were always fatal, yet never mortal. Nathaniel discovered there was some kind of business going on between his father and the people behind the  Exy   team he wanted Nathaniel to get in.  

 That business going on was Nathan’s only reason for keeping Nathaniel alive, and denying his father the pleasure of an easy undertaking was the only reason keeping Nathaniel sane. Or as sane as anyone could be living under the  conditions   he had endured the past years. His body had become a patchwork of scars, but he was more convinced than ever that he wasn’t going to turn into his father. Not even with that terrible smirk mocking Lola through the rear-view mirror as she entertained herself making tiny cuts in Nathaniel’s hands.  

 By the time they arrived at the stadium, Nathaniel had already memorized the way in and was paying close attention to every single door in and out despite the stung in his arms and hands. He had gotten used to living with pain, so this wasn’t any harder than a normal day in Baltimore.  

 The court was exactly as Nathaniel remembered. There was only a new addition. A boy around Riko’s age with a 3 marked on the cheek, matching the numbers on the other kids’ faces. Nathaniel didn’t bother learning his name but was sure Riko and his uncle would be dying to put a number on him too.  

 That wasn’t going to happen.  

 Without any ceremonies, the match started. It was three against one. It was unfair.  

 It wasn’t going to happen either.  

 As much as Nathaniel's hands still itched for having a racquet and slam a ball across a court, he had more than enough time to know that his mother had some reason behind her words. And he intended to honor them today. The match started and he didn’t move.  

 The old man’s cane hit hard over and over his ribs, his legs, his arms, his face. Nothing he hadn’t endured before. He received hit after hit after hit without moving, without reaching for his racquet. Without a scream.  

 He felt every single attack while holding Kevin’s astonished gaze, Riko’s mocking laughter, and the other kid’s pure fear. Nathaniel didn’t move until his body went limp on the floor and everything turned black.  

 ***  

 The year before, Nathaniel’s mistake had been running without a plan.  

 He had a purpose, he had a goal, but he had no way to accomplish it with only a few scraps of strings to open doors.  

 Nathaniel had been able to escape out of pure luck, but once outside, he didn’t know the surroundings. He didn’t know where to go. It had been only a matter of time for Nathan to find him and drag him back in the car, and then back to Baltimore in between  cursings   and hits that made Nathaniel think it was a good idea to jump out of the moving car in the middle of the highway. It was      painful    .  

 This time, Nathaniel had found enough time in between punishments and the butchering  lessons   he despised, to research the place.  

 He knew the campus of Edgar Allan University like he knew the feel of knives on his skin. So, when he woke up from the beating, he was ready for everything.  

 Nathaniel had been tucked in the same rooms as the boys. They seemed asleep. It was harder than he thought to get on his feet in silence. He crept to the door and took out a couple hairpins from his mother that he had found casually around the house months ago. He wasn’t using racquet strings unless it was necessary.  

 “Where do you think you are going?” Riko was standing behind Nathaniel. Hands clenched in fists ready for a fight.  

 “Far from your ugly face.” Kevin and the other boy flinched at Nathaniel’s bravado.  

 “You  mustn't   talk like that to your king.”  

 “Didn’t know shit was royalty now. I’ll bow next time I go to the loo.”  

 The knock against the wall was harder than Nathaniel expected. It still wasn’t enough to erase his father’s deathly smile from his face. Riko was boiling in anger. Nathaniel waited until the last second to avoid the  fist   coming his way and pushed Riko against the railing of a bed.  

 The other boys were frozen at Nathaniel’s display of disrespect.  

 He wasn’t a good fighter. He was used to be the victim among adults, but he had a rage building from the years since his mother left him and he was convinced of running away this time. Even so that he had a knife hidden on the back of his pants despite how much he hated them.  

 Riko recovered quickly from the impact, but Nathaniel didn’t hesitate to slash whatever he could reach of the older boy, and a breath after he heard a heavy string of cursing directed to him, Nathaniel sped through the hallway on his way out. He dodged people attempting to grab him. He had become fast during his last six months trying to escape. He used the stolen knife more than he would’ve wanted, but it was that or being back to Baltimore in pieces.  

 Once outside the Nest, Nathaniel didn’t reach for the highway. Instead, he kept racing through the Edgar Allan campus. It was gigantic. Filled with students coming and going from classes. They glanced strangely at him as he made his way through hallways and  buildings   he had only half-memorized through battered maps found at school and his father’s study.  

 It could’ve been a good fifteen minutes of running without a stop when Nathaniel finally found a public phone hidden enough from the stream of people. He took the few pennies he could get in those months and dialed the only phone number he knew by heart.  

 “Uncle Stuart? I need help.”  

All comments, thoughts, hearts and shares are very much appreciated :D

[ballum-trash]

Keeping a Secret (Ballum Fic)

Author: Myself / ballum-trash@tumblr.com

Summary: Callum Highway’s had a rough start to the summer, and it doesn’t get any easier when he’s on the verge of getting evicted from his flat and he needs to find rent money fast.

Cue a timely offer from one Ben Mitchell. He has the money Callum needs, and is willing to give it to him, but on one condition: Callum has to pretend to be his boyfriend for the summer.

Chapters: 2 / ?? (word count: 5,700k)

AO3 Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/20591471/chapters/48953240

Chapter one

It wasn’t the first restless night Callum had in the flat. He had been struggling to sleep for a couple of weeks now. It’s happening often enough that he can barely remember how long it’s been going on for, but he doubts it’s much of a coincidence that he can remember as far back as Chris leaving him. He’s what was on his mind most nights; it only made sense that Callum would lose sleep over him while his heart was still on the mend.

But for the first night in a long time Chris wasn’t the man he couldn’t get out of his thoughts. Callum tossed and turned all night, every time he thought about how he agreed to Ben’s deal his stomach surged with anxiety. He knew what he was about to get into was stupid, even for him, but he was desperate. And Ben was just there offering exactly what he needed, when he needed it. Thoughts of fate crept into his mind a few times, but he stopped them before they took him somewhere weird.

Fate. Cosmic timing. The stars aligning. It was all a load of bollocks to him.

Pure coincidence; that’s all it was.

‘But why did it have to be him?’ He agonized, at about two in the morning. He wants to think that it wouldn’t be as bad if it were someone else in Ben’s place - but he can’t picture anyone else in the square who would need him to do something so contrived. But he also doesn’t know why he can’t seem to imagine him being comfortable enough to do it with someone else, someone other than Ben. And that’s not a compliment to Ben - he’s not comfortable doing it with him either - but for some reason it makes sense to Callum that it’s him.

He wonders what Ben will expect him to do in their...arrangement. (Used together the words relationship and Ben sits with him uncomfortably, so he’s avoiding using them both in the same sentence while he can) Until he talks to Ben again he has no choice but to let his imagination run wild. He’ll have to lie to Kathy when he sees her around, which is already hard enough as it is; he was never the best at it. Ian too, though he gets the feeling he won’t give much of a toss. The more he thinks about it, maybe it won’t be so bad. It’s Ben’s family at the end of the day, he’ll probably do most of the lying for Callum. Out of two of them he’s no doubt better at it than Callum.

At least, he comforts himself, Ben doesn’t take himself too seriously. Maybe he won’t actually take the deal too seriously either. He’ll probably just take the piss the whole time and, maybe, if they’re forced into a situation that needs it, he’ll hold Callums hand every now and then.

Well

That image makes Callum’s stomach flip. He’s not ready to hold anyone’s hand, not just yet. Least of all Ben Mitchell’s.

He settles on his back for maybe the fifteenth time, arms sprayed out by his side. He stares miserably at the ceiling above him. He’s so exhausted and so awake at the same time. He considers making a doctors appointment soon; see if he can get some kind of prescription that’ll knock him straight out when he needs it.

His mind is screaming at him and it feels like he’s trying to focus on a thousand thoughts a minute all at the same time. He looks at the clock on his bedside table.

2 : 53 A.M

His eyes have been burning with tiredness for hours now, but he knows he’s not going to be falling asleep any time soon.

So he decides he’s going to tire himself out with an extremely late - or extremely early - run.

He’s never went on a run in the dead of night before. He tries to get in a morning run on the weekends, or during the week when he’s up and able. He can’t recall the last time he had the energy for it. He figures he can kill two birds with one stone; exercising will help clear his head and hopefully leave him tired enough that he can rest when he returns home. He’s down and out of his flat within minutes, throwing on his old running gear and trainers. He opts out of taking his headphones with him, afraid that if he ran into some creeps he wouldn’t hear them before it was too late.

He stops to stretch outside his door. The air was crisp and refreshing. It could almost be humid, if it wasn’t for the light breeze. The weather was perfect; the sky was clear of any clouds, and the moon shone on the streets just brightly enough that Callum reckons he’d be able to see where he was going under the moonlight alone, without the streetlamps.

He couldn’t help but feel he had stepped into another world. It was so quiet, so dark and peaceful. Time seemed to be frozen still at that moment. He felt hesitant to start running; he wanted to live in the atmosphere of Walford at near three in the morning.

Not like he had never been out this late before; of course he has. But all those other times he was drunk, or at least had someone or some people to keep him company.

Now it was just him, alone.

And he didn’t mind it so much right now.

He circles the square at least three times before his legs start to ache and he decides to call it a night. He almost wishes time was really stopped, in that moment. So he can just stay out in the calm and quiet night for a little bit longer. For the first time in a long while he didn’t have to think, didn’t have to worry. It was only him and the moonlight right then. It was what he needed.

He slept soundly for the rest of the morning.

-----

‘Meet me at the Prince Albert at 5pm’

That’s all he’s heard from Ben all afternoon. He’s lost count how many times he’s read the text. Callum hated how blunt and vague it was, and was unsure of why he chose the Albert for their meeting place instead of somewhere with a little more privacy, like the car lot or one of their own homes.

He’s sitting at the table in the middle of the Undertakers, a folder open in front of him with sheets of client information, but he’s staring at his phone laid out on the table. The anticipation of their meeting was clouding his mind. Dealing with Ben was exasperating a lot of the time, but he knew it’d be worth it once he gets his hands on the money and can put all this rent stress finally behind him.

And then maybe look for a new flatmate.

He didn’t want to before, not so soon after the breakup, but he knows he doesn’t have a choice now. He can’t afford to live in the flat by himself. But that’s a situation he can deal with later.

“You alright?” Asks Jay emerging from his office. They hadn’t gotten the chance to talk much that morning with Jay needing to catch up on work he missed yesterday.

Callum nods, probably a bit too enthusiastically to seem genuine. “Yeah I’m fine, just looking over this new client coming tomorrow.”

“Right yeah, when are they due in?”

“About half three they said. Shouldn’t be any issues, they just want to talk about the costs and that.”

Jay nods, listening to Callum while also looking into his own folder.

Callum continues, “Hey, how was your night, anyway? Went well, by the sounds of it.” He ends his sentence in a genuine chuckle. He enjoys talking to Jay. Most of the time it seems like he’s the only one around here with his head properly screwed onto his shoulders.

“Yeah we had a good time.” He starts, taking a seat across from Callum, “Took her to a nice restaurant out of town, had a few drinks at a bar.”

“Few too many?” Callum jokes, sitting back in his chair.

“Could say that, yeah.” Jay huffs a laugh before rubbing his right temple for a few seconds. “Can still feel it, mate, I don’t remember gettin’ this old.”

“Yeah but it’s worth it though, innit? For Lola.”

Jay smiles at just the mention of her name, like he’s a little schoolboy with a crush. “I can’t believe we’re getting married soon. It’s mental. Feels like it was just yesterday when we was kids, y’know?” He’s not looking at Callum but instead just into the space between him, like he’s relieving the memory right then and there.

“You’s two were made for each other.” Says Callum, trying to ignore his heart beating a little more than it should. He hates that he can’t even talk about his friends relationships without being reminded of his own failed one. “Not long now, is it? ‘Till the wedding.”

Jay becomes immediately exasperated at just the mention. “Jesus yeah I know, about less than a month now. Hope you’ve got your suit ready, mate, because Lola wants us all lookin’ as fit and fancy as we can.” He laughs, and Callum joins him.

“Actually, speaking of relationships,” Jay interrupts himself before Callum can say that his suit is hanging in the wardrobe ready for the wedding. He levels Callum with a look like he’s trying to figure out a riddle. “I was talking to Ben earlier.”

Callum frowns for a moment, not sure what he means by that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “He mentioned that he was taking you out on a date later, or whatever. Are yous two up to something?”

Callum’s eyebrows shoot up and his pulse quickens. He’s not sure how to answer that question, or what exactly Jay might mean by asking it. He shakes his head, mouth opening and closing while his mind races for the right response.

“I - um - H-He” He starts stuttering. He thanks God sometimes for never having him end up in a hostage interrogation scenario because he would be absolutely useless. “I’m meeting him, um, for a drink later on, yeah. Wants to chat about...something.” And he shrugs and tries to put on a convincing smile.

Jay has a look of confusion and slight concern on his face. “Did you just short circuit there, Highway?”

Another question Callum’s not even sure how to answer because, basically, yes he just did. Why? Completely unsure how to explain that one.

He fakes a laugh, “I just got tongue tied there. Tired, didn’t get much sleep last night.” He tries to explain. It’s enough for Jay, thankfully, he just nods.

“Right. Well. I’ve got to get back to work. Old Widow wants to arrange a coffin viewing for tomorrow morning, need to give her a call.” Jay says as he stands and makes his way to his office.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course. I’ll chat to you in a bit.” He smiles politely and as soon as he hears the door to Jay’s office shut he drops it immediately.

‘Idiot’ He’s not sure if that angry thought is aimed at himself or Ben.

This deal, a deal they haven’t even made yet, already has him in a tizzy. Not that he’s ever made plans for a drink with Ben before, but if Ben had referred to meeting Callum as date before all this started he would have shrugged it off, tell Jay that Ben was just being daft and teasing him like he always does.

He hopes that once he knows what he’s supposed to do and what he’s supposed to say he can stop worrying so much about it. He doesn’t want to muck things up for himself before they’ve even had a proper chat first. He can’t risk it, not right now.

--

Five o’clock rolls around much faster than he would’ve liked. He pops into Jay’s office to tell him he’s leaving early to meet Ben. Jay waves him off, tells him to enjoy himself. He doesn’t feel bothered to go home and change out of his work uniform first, he’s afraid of leaving Ben waiting too long, so he makes a start for the Prince Albert once he’s out the door.

Once he’s there, it's not hard to spot Ben in the corner of the bar, given that he’s one of the only four patrons there. The Prince Albert was lively and fun at night, but very quiet during the day. He inhales and exhales a deep breath first, and makes his way over. He catches Tina’s eye behind the bar and offers her a polite smile and small wave. She smiles happily back, but eyes him curiously when she sees whose direction he was heading in.

Ben looks up from his phone then, and gives Callum a nod.

“You alright?” Callum greets first nervously. He’s not really sure how else to approach Ben other than being his normal friendly self. He’s never been in this situation before, he feels like he’s not aware of the proper etiquette.

Ben says nothing when he sits across from him, but he smirks just a little. He reaches down to his side and drops a bulky brown envelope onto the table. He slides it forward just an inch for Callum to take.

Callum stares at it and raises his brows.

“Right to it then.”

Ben nods. And then he raises a finger to point at the envelope. “In there you’ll find two grand.”

Callum’s already reached for the envelope and was just about to open it when Ben’s words hit him.

He looks at him deadfaced, hoping that maybe he didn’t hear him right. But he knows he did. Ben’s not smiling, not exactly, but he looks smug nonetheless.

“I asked for four.” Callum says, confusion plain as day in his voice.

Ben nods again. “Right. I’ll give you half now, and the rest when I’m finished with ya’.” And then he smiles that little shit stirring smile he does when he knows he’s done something to piss someone off.

Callum’s gripping onto the envelope tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“I asked for four - I need the four now, Ben.” He wants to yell at him but he can’t. It starts to make a little more sense to him why Ben didn’t choose the car lot or somewhere else private. He knew Callum might want to cause a scene when he screws him over.

“Relax, you’ll get it. In time.” Ben’s leaning back comfortably in his chair, hands folded over his stomach, and completely unbothered by how upset Callum was.

Halfway on the other hand is speechless. Really, truly, doesn’t know what to say without cursing the Mitchell out of it and telling him to shove the money where the sun don’t shine.

But ultimately he knows that two grand is better than the nothing he has right now.

Not that it made him any less angry.

He runs a hand stressfully through his hair. “Why? Why not just give me the money like I asked?”

Ben huffs out a laugh and raises a brow, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. He licks lips and leans forward. “Have you ever actually made a deal before, Halfway?”

The way he says it irritates Callum only further, he says it like Callum’s too slow to understand, like he’s stupid. He glares at Ben. Not offering any kind of answer. Ben doesn’t need one to continue anyway.

“If I gave you all you wanted, how would I know you’ll keep your half of the deal up?”

Callum shakes his head and shrugs. “I’d give you my word.” And he says it so earnestly that it’s hard to miss Ben’s features soften momentarily. Ben sighs and doesn’t meet his eyes for a second.

“That’s not how I do business, Callum. I give you half now, you help me out, I’ll pay you the rest when we’re finished.”

Callums heart sinks. He knew it couldn’t be so easy, nothing ever is. He doesn’t want to throw a fit. He should have known better than to think Ben Mitchell would be oh so generous and stop being a self-obsessed business man for five minutes. But, then again, Callum thinks, why should he think Ben would do him such a favour. After all, they weren’t even mates at the end of the day.

He wants to hate Ben for it, but he can’t.

He can’t find it in himself to hate anyone. Linda used to tease him sometimes, tell him that his heart was two times too big for his own body. He always laughed it off. But he knows there might some truth in her teasing. He wish it wasn’t the case. Hate’s that he can be such a soft touch sometimes.

He decides that he’ll take what he can get.

He almost needs to find the strength for it, but he nods, and slips the money into his inner coat pocket.

“Fine.” He can’t stop his voice cracking and winces to himself at how weak he sounded. Maybe his landlord will be understanding. Two grand is still a large sum of money, and it’s more than half of what he owes.

They’re both silent, and he knows it’s only been minutes, but it drags on for what feels like hours. He looks at Ben, and Ben is staring right back. Callum can’t quite tell what way Ben was looking at him. Like he was thinking, trying to figure Callum out. Ben blinks away, realising finally what he was doing.

Callum’s not sure what just happened. He takes a deep breath and exhales.

“So. The fake, um, boyfriend, thing.” Callum tries, manages to say boyfriend at just above whisper level, “Know what you’re doing?”

It breaks the weird tension in the air at least, even if he’s dreading what Ben might say.

Ben sits up straight and clears his throat. “Right, yeah.”

His air of smugness takes no time to return, much to Callums disappointment. He might have preferred the silence.

Definitely. Definitely would have preferred the silence.

“So, I’ll start with a better explanation with what’s goin’ on at home.” Ben starts, leans back in his chair. “As you already know, I’ve been gettin’ a bit too busy between the sheets.”

Callum rolls his eyes on cue, really not needing the finer details; details he already knows.

“But I haven’t really emphasised how busy”

“You don’t need to.” Callum interjects quickly, Ben ignores him.

“It’s been a few months of it. I won’t lie, I ain’t really havin’ much of a hard time finding arse ‘round this side of London.” He can tell too well that Callum’s getting progressively more uncomfortable with the details of his sex life. And he’s having a bit too much fun with it.

Callum feels like he’s in the company of the Cheshire fucking cat with the way Ben’s grinning at him from across the table.

“Yeah- I know, Ben. You said as much in the Undertakers yesterday.” Callum snaps.

But he may as well be adding fuel to the fire that is Ben Mitchell, because all Ben does is bark a laugh back at him.

“And yeah, like I mentioned, Mum - and sometimes, Ian - has accidentally walked in on me a few too many times. I think the last time was about a month ago, maybe?”

Callum was half-listening at this point, but that caught his attention. “A month ago? You made it out as if it were more drastic than that.” He feels like he’s almost accusing Ben, of what he’s not sure.

Ben shrugs and makes a face that reads to Callum as ‘Oops’

Callum frowns. “Why do I feel like you’re not telling me everything, Ben?”

Ben looks sheepish. Callum knows he’s not getting the full story.

“You remember when I said that I told her the other night, about you, us, going out, yeah?”

Callum nods. Hard to forget when it was only yesterday and it nearly gave Callum an aneurysm.

“Well…” Ben drawls. Callum frowns. “I might have lied. I may have actually told her about three weeks ago, now that I think of it.” He has the audacity to say it so casually, like he was remembering the date of someone's birthday, or the last time he went on a weekend long bender.

Callum’s not sure how to take it. Confused, definitely. But mostly very worried that the whole square has thought he and Ben were an item this entire time before he was even made aware of it.

So he asks the only question he can think of.

“Why?”

“Well I told you why. I needed to calm down Mum. Remember? Told you about the intervention and all that.”

“Why,” Callum asks again, “has this lie been going around for three weeks and I only know about it now?”

“Oh right, yeah. Well, see, I thought I could just throw your name out there and she’d just take it, right? Leave me alone for a while.” He stops mid sentence to sigh. “Except she hasn’t. In fact, she’s worse now.”

Callum frowns. “What do you mean?”

“It -” Ben starts, and then stops, not really sure how to say what he needs to say. “It’s been... a while since I’ve been with a boy longer than just a hookup, alright? Been a while since my last relationship.”

It clicks with Callum now, why Ben’s struggling to explain. Callum didn’t know much about Ben’s ex- boyfriend. When Callum moved to the Square Ben had already been out of Walford for a while. When the Mitchell made his return, Walford was awash with rumours and whispers for that entire week. Callum knew about Ben before he ever said one word to him. He picked up bits and pieces, but he knows just enough about Paul, and about Paul and Ben, to understand Ben’s behaviour.

So he says nothing and he nods, letting Ben continue.

“When I told Mum that I might have been seeing someone she got so...excited. Just, really happy for me, right? I haven’t seen her so pleased for me since...well, since…” He leads off, and before Callum can so much as offer another nod he’s continuing again, “a while, alright? So I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

Ben’s almost off in his own world, staring at the ground rather than at Callum. It’s silent between them again, for a minute.

And Callum feels sympathetic for him, before he remembers a fine little detail that Ben has failed to bring up.

“I thought you was getting kicked out?”

“Hm?” It’s brought Ben back to earth and back to the conversation. Callum raises his brows.

“You told me yesterday that your mum and Ian was threatening to kick you out. Or did you lie about that too?”

Ben rolls his eyes and smirks again.

“No, that wasn’t a lie. Like I said, I told her that three weeks ago. If you know my Mum at all, you should know that’s not the kind of lie you can tell her and just get away with it.”

“But you -”

“Yeah, I know now, Callum. Look, I didn’t tell her it was you, not at first. The other night, what I told you about, did happen. I came home, I was drunk, and she ambushed me. Started going on about why she hasn’t met my boyfriend yet and started throwin’ accusations around that I was lying to her and that I only told her that to shut her up.”

“But -”

Ben raises a finger. Callum shuts his mouth.

“She said if it was the case that I was lying to her and that I was still sneaking boys back into the house under her nose, then I can pack my bags and find my own place.” He shrugged. “So that’s when I panicked. She was angry, and I didn’t know what to do, and your name was just the first thing that popped into my head. So that’s what I told her.”

Callum’s still trying to take in the flood of information before Ben continues again.

“So, now that she has a name, and that name happens to be yours, she will absolutely not leave me alone about it. Any time I’ve ran into her since then she’s been begging me to let her meet you.”

“But she’s already met me-”

“As my boyfriend, Callum, keep up.”

Callum shuts his mouth again sheepishly. But then he thinks.

“I’ve seen Kathy around though...she’s never mentioned anything.”

Ben sighs.

“Because I told her that you and me, we was keeping it a secret. And I told her specifically not to go near you because you’d be mad that I opened my mouth.”

He really thought of everything.

“So. Lying to her about having a secret boyfriend hasn’t worked out much in my favour. And I’ve gone and fucked myself by telling her it was you. Made it a bit more difficult to keep lying about it when you live practically ten feet away.” He chuckles humorously, mostly to himself. “It’s only a matter of time before she catches on that somethin’ isn’t right and she kicks me out for lying to her even more.”

And he exhales, finally finishing the full explanation as to why he’s dragged Callum into his mess. He’s searching Callum’s face for a reaction, his right hand on the table, mindlessly tapping his index finger against the surface. A stress quirk, possibly. But Callum doesn’t react, still taking in all the information. Until finally he shrugs,

“So what are you going to do?”

“We. It’s ‘We’ now, callum” Ben corrects with a smirk.

Callum rolls his eyes “Right yeah, because I had anything to do with this.” It earns him a chuckle from Ben, before he talks again,

“She wants you around for dinner on Thursday. Family thing. Like I said, she wants to meet you properly as my boyfriend. She’ll probably start badgering you with questions about us, all that mushy meet-the-parents stuff, you know the deal. It’ll be easy.”

Callum huffs out a humourless laugh, “Easy, yeah, when it’s a proper relationship. Which we ain’t in, we’re lying.”

“Ooh nothing gets by you quick, does it?” Ben grins.

Callum’s jaw tightens at the teasing. There’s a time and place when he can put up with it but it wasn’t now. “I mean’t how are we going to act? Will she catch on if we, y’know...just act normal?”

Ben’s eyebrows raise and Callum can tell he’s in for another jibe. “Wantin’ to get up close and comfortable already, Callum? I’m shocked, but flattered, truly.” And he smiles a little too sweetly. Callum's not sure if he has any patience left for this.

He wonders briefly how any man could stay with Ben longer than one night and feels thankful for a moment that this relationship is fake, thinks that it would only take a week in the company of Ben Mitchell before all his hair would turn grey with stress.

And maybe Ben can tell he’s at his wits end and, strangely, seems sympathetic. “I know what you mean’t.” He clarifies, “Look, we may have to do a bit’a hand holding here and there, maybe a little cuddle on the couch. Just to save face. Think you could handle all that?” He still has a faint smirk on his face but his question, for a change, was genuine.

Callum swallows a lump in his throat. The idea of already being that level of intimate with Ben when he barely knows (or likes) him already had him feeling nervous.But he nods hesitantly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Right, so the dinner will probably be at around seven. So clear that little schedule of yours up.” He smiles smugly. Callum frowns at the rudeness of his request but nods at him nonetheless.

“So are we done here?” Callum asks. Ben’s taken the energy out of him and he feels like he needs a rest.

“Oh leaving so soon?” Ben asks, “Let me buy you a drink, ‘least I can do.”

It surprised Callum, genuinely. It may have been the nicest Ben’s been to him all evening.

Or, as long as he’s known him even. But maybe it’s promising. If Callum can at the very least build a friendship with Ben, then it might make the next couple of weeks that much more bearable. So he nods.

Ben raises his arm, catching Tina’s attention from where she’s at at another table, flirting with one of the punters. Callum narrows his eyes at Ben, thinks it a bit rude to not just wait at the bar for her.

Tina’s happy to come to the table regardless.

“You alright, gentlemen?” She asks brightley, eyes darting between the two of them. Still clearly bewildered that the two men were together when she’s barely seen them talk before.

“Yeah we’re havin’ a great time, ain’t we?” Answers Ben, and smiles pointedly at Callum.

Callum’s taken off guard by Ben’s sudden change in behaviour, but smiles at Tina anyway. “Y-yeah, yeah, ‘course.”

“A pint, please, Tina.” He starts. “You want a pint, Callum?”

Callum eyes him suspiciously. “Uh, yeah sure.” He’s still unsure of what Ben’s angle is now, he’s acting a little too friendly for comfort.

“And a pint for my wonderful boyfriend here.” And there’s that too too sweet smile of his, and for emphasis he reaches out and lays his hand on top of Callums over the table.

Callum’s not sure if what just happened was real or if he was having a stroke.

Tina’s eyes have widened. He reckons he and her are wearing matching expressions.

“Well well, when’s this happened then?”

“Oh a little while now, we just wanted to keep it a secret. Didn’t we, babe?”

Callum’s looking at Ben like a deer in headlights and feels like he was just suckerpunched three times in a row. Ben’s hand feels like it’s burning on top of his own, so aware that it’s still there.

His mouth feels sewn shut so he just nods quickly to Tina and tries his best to force a smile.

She’s practically grinning ear to ear. “Y’know I was wondering why you two was in here together! All makes sense now.” And she looks at them both like the cat that caught the canary. Ben smiles back at her. “I’ll get those pints for you now, boys. Enjoy your date.” And with that, she’s away to the bar.

Callum nearly rips his hand from out under Bens and feels like he could spontaneously combust.

“What was that!?” He whispers aggressively so Tina won’t hear, not that she’d be able to over the music anyway.

Ben just shrugs but is obviously amused by Callum’s outburst. “Just covering some ground.”

Callum stares at him confused, his brows furrowed. So Ben clarifies,

“We’re supposed to be going out, Callum. For a few weeks, yeah, but people are going to hear about it eventually.”

“It’s just to convince your Mum, Ben! Tina ain’t need to know, she’s going to tell everyone!”

Ben nods knowingly. “I know. Why’d you think we’re meeting here? Wanted to get it out of the way.”

Callum’s eyebrows shoot up well near his hairline. “What?”

Ben rolls his eyes at Callum’s refusal to get where he’s coming from. “It’s Kathy, Halfway. She works with Tina, she wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret anyway.”

“She could have!”

“I know my Mother, Callum, she wouldn't’ve been quiet for long.” Ben states, clearing growing bored of this conversation. “Look, we’re not going to be at this long. There’s no need stressin’ yourself over it.”

It almost makes Callum want to laugh. They haven’t even started yet, not really, and Callum’s already been stressed over it for more than a day now.

Tina drops their pints down in front of them, and leaves them alone with a wink. It makes his stomach feel uneasy, her knowing (thinking) that he and Ben are in a relationship. It sits with him weirdly.

He touches the glass of his pint tentatively, not sure if he can stomach it anymore. He watches Ben quietly under his lashes. The other man has his attention on his phone now, and already has started drinking his larger. Callum can’t help but observe him.

He’s an enigma to him. He can’t understand how Ben is so sure of himself all the time, so confident, so cocky. Doesn’t he feel guilty for lying? Or at the very least, nervous that he’ll get caught and have to face the consequences?

They’re too very different people, Callum settles on. Polar opposites. And he’s glad for it.

__

He finishes is pint in personal-record time. Ben, at least, had the decency to pay for both their drinks. Callum departed with a stiff goodbye and left for home as soon as he could get away. Ben may have made a joke or crude remark after him but he ignored it.

Sitting in his living room now, the weight of the situation really hits him. He can’t stop replaying the moment of Ben calling him his boyfriend and resting his hand on top of his own. The way Tina’s smile grew three sizes and the wink she gave him when she arrived with the pints. His blood is bumping with anxiety, because now that Tina knows everyone will know and he worries what they’ll think.

It’s only then when three faces appear in his mind, when the realisation of Tina’s impact will have on him.

Jay. Mick. Stuart.

They’re all going to hear second hand that he’s, of all people, Ben Mitchells boyfriend.

His stomach is doing somersaults and he can’t stop the blush of embarrassment that fills his cheeks when he thinks about how they’ll react, what they’ll say when they see him next. The looks, the laughs, the teasing, and the chastising (because, well, it’s Ben Mitchell. The bad boy of east Walford. They’re not going to let that part go.)

And in that moment, Callum can’t help the feelings rising inside him.

He hates him.

He hates Ben Mitchell for what he’s making him do.

But he’s reminded, with the envelope sitting on his coffee table, that really, Ben’s not making him do anything.

He’s agreed to this.

So maybe he hates himself a little more too.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Perfectly Imperfect: Chapter 4

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Wren Arnold (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: n/a

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Perfectly Imperfect Masterlist | Chris & Wren Masterlist

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

August 3-4, 2020

The first week of August started with Wren's interview at the school in Albany, New York. Since the school was roughly three hours away from the Boston suburb where she lived and the interview was at ten a.m. that Monday morning, she had left the night before and had stayed in a hotel. Which meant that when she got to her interview, she was relaxed and not stressed out from trying to get there on time.

In Wren's opinion, the interview had gone great. One of the interviewers had been Dr. Abigail Saul, the school's principal, who Wren had met a couple years back when she had attended a teacher workshop at the school. Dr. Saul had given her a tour of the school campus and had even shown Wren the classroom that could potentially be hers. The principal had even mentioned that she knew of someone wanting to rent out a fully furnished guest cottage, should Wren get the position and want to move to Albany.

It was early afternoon, by the time, Wren left Albany and her trip home was slower than it should have been thanks to heavy summer traffic. Glancing at the clock on her dashboard, she realized that she wasn't going to be home in time to make Chris and Addy a proper dinner like she had told Chris she would.

After receiving the phone call on Saturday, Wren had told Chris that she needed Monday off, but she hadn't told him she had an interview, only that she had an appointment out of town. She wasn't sure why she hadn't told him the truth, but something had stopped her. Nevertheless, she and Chris had managed to work out a plan that would cover the day: since he had a late call that morning, he had taken Addy to daycare and had arranged for her friend Lola's mom to take Addy home with them for a play date.

Wanting to keep her end of the deal, Wren waited until she was thirty minutes out before she ordered Chinese food from her and Chris's favorite place. By the time she got there, it was ready and she managed to get to Chris's place about ten minutes before he and Addy got home at 6:30.

"WREN!" Addy exclaimed the moment she came into the house and saw her.

"Addy!" Wren mimicked and laughed when the little girl wrapped her arms around her legs. With ease, Wren hoisted the little girl up and set her on the island counter. "How was your day? Did you have fun with Lola?"

"Uh huh," the little girl nodded, her blonde pigtails bouncing. "We played with playdoh! And Barbies! And Legos! And her puppy!" Her smile then turned into a frown and she stuck out her lower lip. "I want a puppy, Wren, but daddy says we can't get one."

"Adelaide," Chris warned. "We already discussed this in the car, we can't get a dog right now. Maybe in a couple years."

Addy crossed her arms and furrowed her brow as she glared at him. Then, just as suddenly as her pout had begun, it disappeared. "Wren! You can get a puppy!" she exclaimed.

"I don't have time for a puppy," Wren laughed as she smoothed her hand over Addy's blonde hair. "But you know what I do have time for?"

"What?" Addy asked, unaware that her attention was purposefully being diverted.

"Chinese food," Wren told her. "And fortune cookies."

"I love that stuff!" Addy exclaimed. "I want to eat all of it!"

Wren laughed and let the little girl down off the counter. "Go wash your hands, squirt," she told Addy.

Addy ran out of the room and they soon heard her turn on the sink in the bathroom before she started singing happy birthday or at least the parts of it that she could remember.

Wren chuckled as she grabbed plates from the cupboard and began to put food on Addy's favorite Frozen character plate. She heard Chris moving around the kitchen behind her and heard him pour milk into a sippy cup for Addy before he opened a bottle of beer for himself and one for Wren.

By the time Addy returned to the kitchen, her plate was on the table and Chris hoisted her into her booster seat. He and Wren then took turns putting food on their own plates before they joined the toddler at the table. She kept them thoroughly entertained as she told them all about her day in between bites of food and sips of milk. She didn't seem to notice that her dad and Wren were both quieter than normal.

Wren knew why she wasn't talking, but she wasn't sure why Chris wasn't. Having known him for as long as she had, she could tell he was irritated by something, there was just something about his positioning and the way he'd closed the cabinet doors harder than he needed to earlier.

Once they finished eating, Wren cleaned up the kitchen while Chris gave Addy a bath. Wren's original plan had been to leave after cleaning, but Addy asked her to read her a story and she couldn't say no, especially after missing the girl all day.

It took nearly an hour to get the little girl down for the night, thanks to all the excitement in her day, but she finally nodded off when Chris was halfway through the book she requested that he read to her. She didn't even flinch when Chris climbed off the bed or when he and Wren tiptoed out of the room, closing the door.

With Addy was asleep, Wren headed downstairs intent on heading home and putting herself to bed, but Chris waylaid her by asking about her appointment. "It went fine," she replied. "Great actually."

"Good," he nodded, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans.

"How was your day?" she asked him, unable to stop herself. Chris had been her best friend for so long that somethings were just second nature, liking trying to help him when she could tell something was bugging him even if it cost her in the end. She was, as Heidi liked to describe, a glutton for punishment.

"My day was good," he responded. He nodded his head as if trying to convince them both that he was speaking the truth.

"Chris, whatever it is you need to say, just say it," Wren snapped then sighed. "Sorry, that was rude of me. I'm just exhausted and I want to go home so I can go to sleep."

Her outburst had clearly surprised him and it took him a minute before he nodded again. "Addy can't go to Lola's house anymore," he finally said.

"What? Why?" Wren asked, alarmed. "She and Addy love playing together."

"I don't like her mom," Chris stated, shaking his head. "The woman won't stop trying to fix me up! It doesn't matter how many times I tell her I'm not interested and that I'm never going to remarry -"

Wren's heart dropped to her stomach at Chris's words. He continued to talk, but she didn't hear anything he said after 'I'm never going to remarry'. "Why not?" she demanded, her voice louder than she intended it to be.

"Why not, what?" Chris asked, obviously confused.

"Why aren't you going to remarry?" she asked, her voice softer as her blue eyes met his blue eyes.

"You're joking, right?" Chris stared at her in disbelief. "Wren, I did everything right! I met a woman, I fell in love with her, married her, had a kid with her and it all blew up in my fucking face!" He shook his head. "I am never going through that again."

"But what if you meet so-" Wren started, but Chris cut her off, "Wren, I'm not doing that again. I won't put myself in that position to get hurt like that a second time."

Wren bit down on her lower lip to keep back the tears that threatened to fall. "I need to go," she stated. She grabbed her purse and quickly fled the house, ignoring Chris as he called after her. She fought back her tears on the short drive to her apartment and waited until she was in the privacy of her own room before she let them fall.

When Wren woke up the next morning, she found Heidi asleep next to her. She had been so caught up in her heartbreak that she couldn't remember her roommate coming into the room much less getting home.

Thankful that Chris had another late call, Wren took a long shower and had another good cry as the hot water helped work out the sore muscles in her neck. Chris's words last night had been like a knife to her heart. She had known that he was bitter over his divorce, but he had always been a romantic and ready for the next love of his life after he'd broken up with someone. Clearly, that wasn't the case anymore.

A little over an hour later, Wren was sitting on the couch with Heidi watching some crime show when her phone rang. Reaching over, Wren grabbed it off the coffee table and nearly dropped it when she saw it was Dr. Saul.

"Answer it!" Heidi exclaimed.

Wren cleared her throat and then answered the call, "Hello?"

"Lauren?" Dr. Saul asked.

"This is she," Wren replied.

"This is, Dr. Saul," the woman said. "I'm calling to officially offer you the job."

Wren's heart skipped a beat while Heidi, who had obviously overheard the offer, was shaking with happiness. Wren closed her eyes and made the most important decision of her life in a split second: "I accept."

Chapter 5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you'd like to be added!

[jovi-critic]

https://vimeo.com/261739073

This Video shows the evolution of Bon Jovi through the years and exposes what the "influences" were. Jon Bon Jovi says about himself he has never pretended something he is not, or followed trends, and that he always stayes true to who he is. He also claimed there was never someone who made music like this before. … But I found some songs that sound pretty similar, if not even stolen or ripped off.

Can't believe it? Then listen to it yourself. There are some huge similarities to songs by The Beatles, Tom Petty, Oasis, U2, Nickelback, Coldplay, Aerosmith or David Bowie, and even more… I don't know for sure if Bon Jovi bought the rights to copy all these songs. What do you think? And tell me, does somebody who just copies and pastes, and who is also lying to his Fans deserve to go into the hall of fame?

Btw, Here are the legit sources where you can read yourself in which year each song appeared:

Umberto Tozzi - Notte Rosa, 1981 https://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Notte_rosa_(album) Bon Jovi - Only Lonely, 1985 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_Lonely

Laura Branigan - Living A Lie, 1982 http://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/Laura_Branigan:Living_A_Lie Bon Jovi - Burning For Love, 1983 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_for_Love

The Beatles - Don't Let Me Down, 1969 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Let_Me_Down_(Beatles_song) Bon Jovi - I'll be there for You, 1988 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ll_Be_There_for_You_(Bon_Jovi_song)

Live - Pain Lies On The Riverside, 1991 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_Jewelry Everybody Needs Somebody https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everybody_Needs_Somebody_to_Love

Tom Petty - Mary Jane's Last Dance, 1993 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Jane%27s_Last_Dance Bon Jovi - Queen Of New Orleans, 1996 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_New_Orleans

Bush - Swallowed, 1996 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swallowed_(song) Bon Jovi - Naked, 1997 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Destination_Anywhere

The Animals - The House Of The Rising Sun, 1964 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_House_of_the_Rising_Sun Bon Jovi - Temptation, 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/100,000,000_Bon_Jovi_Fans_Can%27t_Be_Wrong

U2 - With Or Without You, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/With_or_Without_You Bon Jovi - Mystery Train, 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Tom Petty - I Won't Back Down, 1987 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Won%27t_Back_Down Bon Jovi - Thief Of Hearts, 2003 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/100,000,000_Bon_Jovi_Fans_Can%27t_Be_Wrong

Weezer - Say It Ain't So, 1994 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_It_Ain%27t_So Bon Jovi - Say It Isn't So, 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush_(Bon_Jovi_album)

The Rolling Stones - Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker), 1975 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doo_Doo_Doo_Doo_Doo_(Heartbreaker) Two Story Town, 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Tom Petty - Here Comes My Girl, 1979 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Here_Comes_My_Girl Bon Jovi - I Got The Girl, 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Per Gessle - Kix Cha-Cha, 1997 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQO2IFL0zAU Bon Jovi - One Wild Night, 2001 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush_(Bon_Jovi_album)

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay, 2004 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_Not_Okay_(I_Promise) Bon Jovi - Novocaine, 2005 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_a_Nice_Day_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Mana - Clavado en un bar, 1997 https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clavado_en_un_bar Bon Jovi - Have A Nice Day, 2005 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_a_Nice_Day_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Bob Seger - Turn The Page , 1973 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn_the_Page_(Bob_Seger_song) Bon Jovi - Last Man Standing, 2005 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_a_Nice_Day_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down, 1996 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Follow_You_Down Bon Jovi - Who Says You Can't Go Home, 2006 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_a_Nice_Day_(Bon_Jovi_album)

The Kinks - Lola, 1970 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lola_(song) Bon Jovi - Seat Next To You, 2007 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_Highway_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Don Henley - Long Way Home, 1982 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Way_Home Bon Jovi - This Is Love This Is Life, 2010 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greatest_Hits_(Bon_Jovi_album)

matchbox twenty - How Far We've Come, 2007 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Far_We%27ve_Come Bon Jovi - Beautiful World, 2013 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_About_Now_(album)

Coldplay - Viva La Vida, 2008 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viva_la_Vida_or_Death_and_All_His_Friends Bon Jovi - With These Two Hands, 2013 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_About_Now_(album)

David Bowie - Heroes, 1977 https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E2%80%9CHeroes%E2%80%9D_(Lied) Bon Jovi - That's What The Water Made Me, 2013 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_About_Now_(album)

Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody, 2008 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gotta_Be_Somebody Bon Jovi - Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning, 2015 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_Bridges_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Swedish House Mafia - Save The World, 2011 https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Save_the_World Bon Jovi -  Take Back The Night, 2015 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_Bridges_(Bon_Jovi_album)

ed sheeran photograph, 2014 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photograph_(Ed_Sheeran_song) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - You Can Still Change Your Mind, 1981 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_songs_recorded_by_Tom_Petty_and_the_Heartbreakers Bon Jovi -  Blind love, 2015 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_Bridges_(Bon_Jovi_album)

Aerosmith - Sunshine, 2001 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunshine_(Aerosmith_song) Bon Jovi - This House Is Not For Sale, 2016 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_House_Is_Not_for_Sale

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game, 1989 https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Game Bon Jovi - Labor Of Love, 2016 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_House_Is_Not_for_Sale

marvin gaye let's get it on; 1973 https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let%E2%80%99s_Get_It_On colo, 2016

Mumford & Sons - I Will Wait, 2012 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Will_Wait Bon Jovi - Reunion, 2016 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_House_Is_Not_for_Sale

Extra: Also the so Iconic "Living on A Prayer" wasn't Bon Jovi's own work. It was taken from a Song called "Our Love Is Insane" by Rouge and Desmond Child in 1979, who later became Producer and Writer for Bon Jovi. Later it was sampled into Living on A Prayer. Jon Bon Jovi stated in a recent Interview there was never something like Living on A Prayer bevore, and he wants to come into the Hall of Fame for it. A sample. And a song that sounds like many at that time and before. (Summer of 69, Final Countdown…)

[chaosangeldown-blog]

PSA: A Lola Hayden does not exist. It’s a scammer named Ashley Hoff.

I know all of you probably know me for being in a relationship with Lola aka heroinkilledtherockstar aka taintedinsin aka dreamvein. That was true for a while but I found out a lot of things that made me question my relationship with her, and thus it is important for me to let all of you know that there’s someone that’s trying to abuse you by becoming close to you. All the photos this girl “Lola” posted, were nothing but some stolen photos by some other girl whom I don’t know. This person even had videos of this “Lola” and posted them or sent them online. That person in the photos is NOT the same person that posted everything on here under the URLs listed above.

The girl behind those posts and the facade of “Lola Hayden”(known as heroinkilledtherockstar) is Ashley Hoff. Someone we also knew through blogs like rockandrollvalentine and her “secret” personal one normalyouwere. She was supposed to be Lola’s financially poor cousin. 

I will break the story down for those who don’t know, so most people can have an idea of what this girl is about.

The Lola Hayden Character (HOW LOLA WAS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE)

Ashley seems to have created this persona or character prior to 2008. Lola was described as being someone with money, someone with a lot of knowledge regarding plenty subjects (music, social media, politics, etc.). You could say she was presented as a know-it-all. She rose to fame on Tumblr by talking about certain bands and sharing “small known facts” (most possibly lies) about certain celebrities. On the internet, she presented a personality that showed she was caring, friendly and overall nice to strangers; a huge part of her whole persona was that she struggled with eating disorders, substance abuse, bullying while at school and most recently homophobia because she came out as a lesbian while “dating” me. 

To “close friends” she often seemed as though she was someone you could trust, and certainly, she tried to manipulate you into believing she truly cared about what you had to say, only to later on use this to manipulate you and abuse you emotionally and psychologically. She often shared details of her family, going on to say she had several brothers: Derryck, Jake, Corban and Ayden --her so called twin brother that killed himself when he was 16. She claimed her father was Chris Hayden and that his worked involved doing PR for celebrities and had graduated Yale. Jake was allegedly a surgeon, Derryck was supposed to test video games and Corban just lived off the family’s wealth. 

She also claimed to have lived in Tampa, FL, then moved to Toronto, Canada only to live for a bit at The Catskills, NY and move on to NYC itself. The truth? She had lived in Jersey City, New Jersey all this time. 

Now that there’s an idea as to who she is, let’s move on to the actual person: Ashley Hoff.

ASHLEY HOFF. (THIS IS HOW SHE LOOKS LIKE) - HER MOTHER BARBARA HOFF IS ALSO A SCAMMER. HERE’S HOW SHE LOOKS

There’s a lot of things we don’t know about her. From what we understand, she is a white-looking black woman (her mother is supposed to be black) and lives in Jersey City, New Jersey. She has been pretending to be this Lola Hayden character for several years now. This person went on to create several fake Facebook accounts to try and make people believe that she had several friends there (especially ones that were related to the wrestling industry; again, this girl is OBSESSED with celebrities). She even went on to create a FaceTime screenshot of her and known wrestler Sami Zayn. She then claimed to have been in a relationship with another famous wrestler Kenny Omega.

I know all of this sounds like it should be easy to figure it out, and even though most of us had suspicions one way or another, the reality is that she is very clever and well spoken when talking about these “stories” that are just actually well-elaborated lies. Several websites regarding catfishing (because that’s what she did, basically) talk about how the abusers use sad or traumatic stories to generate a sense of empathy around this person, and that’s what both Ashley and “Lola” claimed to have. Both suffered either biphobia or homophobia as Lola was presented to be a lesbian, that she had lost her twin brother due to suicide, had committed several suicide attempts, eating disorders, you name it. Ashley claimed she was half black, had lost her father due to alcoholism, was poor, had eating disorders and depression.

Several people and I have gathered information as the scamming included even family members that she stole money from by pretending to be in need of it. To close friends that she had created online, she presented herself as caring and loving while emotionally manipulating us and abusing us psychologically. This is a person that craves control over other people and needs to be able to create lies that are bigger than her because she has low self esteem.

I urge all of you that had ever had any type of encounter with Lola Hayden and/or Ashley hoff TO PLEASE report her on the FBI Internet Crimes section listed here. 

You can enter the complaint by talking about the victims (me or someone you know, or even yourself) and mention how this person abused you. The fact that she pretended to be someone else while trying to seem caring to you is crime enough and punishable by the law. We need as much complaints as we can get so this is taken seriously. We have also approached local law enforcement offices to pursue this case and we’ll update as we see continue to gather more information.

INFORMATION

At the risk of posting information and having this blog/post be deleted, I am going to post the information needed for the complaint, or just so you are aware of who she is, I will make two post for the photos and the information. This person has spent almost ten years of her life with her mother (she’s her partner in crime) creating false personalities, only sticking with Lola Hayden as she rose to fame in 2010-2011. If we get this post to be viral or at the very least popular within our circle, she won’t be able to come back or deflect this. 

For the photos of Ashley. For photos of Barbara Hoff (Ashley’s mother). For “Lola Hayden”. For their INFORMATION.

Also, please refrain from contacting these people. They are extremely intelligent and will be able to try and manipulate you, and wrap you around their lies. This is not a good thing to do. Let’s just popularize this post so more people are aware of, especially those who knew her through the heroinkilledtherockstar moniker.

I REPEAT: PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT THEM. Ashley Hoff particularly has ripped off HER OWN FAMILY MEMBERS for up to $7000. She has multiple secret accounts on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and even Flickr, from where she steals other people’s photos. The main give away that she is trying to catfish someone is the fact that 1) she will refuse to videochat with you and come up with really weird excuses about it. It may seem factual but they aren’t. 2) she may have a group of “friends” that will also remain anonymous or share very little information or have no personal photos. 3) she will try to empathize with you by opening up about certain “traumatic” instances on her life. Please do not believe anything she says. 

OTHER TUMBLR ACCOUNTS ASSOCIATED WITH ASHLEY HOFF AKA LOLA HAYDEN AKA HEROINKILLEDTHEROCKSTAR:

@heroinkilledtherockstar (pretended to know a bunch of celebs and even being emotionally/sexually involved with them. Completely false)

@makeamericalesbianagain (pretended to be a lesbian)

@dancinginadaze (yeah, she pretended to be a black man lmao)

@rockandrollvalentine (Ashley’s own personal blog)

@normalyouwere (her “secret” personal blog she pretended to be in a relationship with Kenny Omega and posted “secret” photos of him + his friends)

Ashley Hoff is 22-23 years old. Lola Hayden was supposed to be 27 years old. ASHLEY’S REAL AGE IS 22-23 years old! She constantly lies about her age. Do not trust her.

[5hfanfiction]

Malibu Love: Chapter 48

is anyone even still reading this? lol

–

“How’s my favorite girl feeling today?” Camila asks as she enters Lauren’s car

“Tired.”

Camila lets out a giggle. “And what did you do today?”

“Nothing.” Lauren groans “I went to see my mom after I dropped you off and I kind of took a nap at her place. After that, I took Xavier to the park and we ate lunch. I went to see Ally and buy some muffins because I had cravings and then I came to pick you up.”

“Did you bring me any muffin?” Camila asks excitedly

Lauren mumbles something to herself and Camila turns around to face her.

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you?”

“I didn’t, I forgot.” Lauren mumbles, this time a bit louder

And Camila would be mad if she could, but Lauren looks so cute at the moment that she just can’t.

“Mhm, of course you did.”

“I’m sorry Camz, I’ll buy you some if you want, right now?”

“Deal, take me on a date Jauregui.”

So, Lauren does.

She takes her to the pastry shop where Ally works and they sit down for a coffee and cookies.

Camila’s in the middle of telling a funny story from one of her classes that day when she catches Lauren staring at her.

“What are you staring at doofus?”

“You.” Lauren replies bluntly

“Well, obviously, care to explain why?”

“You’re beautiful and I’m in love with you.”

Camila’s cheek turn red and she smiles at er girlfriend. “You’re making me blush.”

“I can see that, you still look beautiful. Actually, you always look beautiful.”

“Even when I’m wearing oversized sweatshirt, sweatpants and my hair is a mess? No make up what so ever?”

“Mhm, especially then.”

“Okay, now I know you’re lying.”

“I’m not,” Lauren lets out a giggle “I mean it, my love.”

And Camila knows that Lauren means it, she knows that the older girl adores her and how madly Lauren is in love with her. But it doesn’t mean she still isn’t surprised whenever Lauren does something like this.

“I know you do.”

“Every word of it.”

“I know.”

“Always, okay?”

“Even when I’m old and wrinkly and my hair is grey and I forget to put on my clothes before going to the store because I’m senile?”

“Even then.” Lauren laughs and it’s the music for Camila’s ears

“Good, I’d like that.”

“Being senile?” Lauren arches an eyebrow

“You just ruined the perfect moment.” Camila huffs and crosses her arms across her chest

“It was only perfect because we made it like that, there’s plenty of moments we can take and make perfect again.”

“Perhaps.”

“Are you done with your muffins?”

Camila looks at the empty plate in front of her and nods.

“Mhm, are we leaving?”

“Unless you want to stay?”

“No, Ally left and I can be with you even at our place.”

“Shall we then?" 

"We shall.” Camila gets up and helps Lauren do the same

“You know I can stand up by myself?”

Camila eyes Lauren’s now very pregnant belly and gently rubs it.

“I know, but I want to help, because I love you.”

Lauren doesn’t reply, she only smiles and takes her hand into her own and guides them towards her car.

It’s a few days later when Camila is too busy doing her school work to notice the way her phone keeps buzzing every few moments. Lauren notices it though.

Not wanting to disturb Camila, because she looks too cute while being concentrated on her essay, and also because the texts might not even be that important, she decides to unlock the phone and check it out herself.

It’s a group chat of about ten people and Lauren recognizes the names of some of them, vaguely remembering Camila mentioning them as her classmates.

She scrolls up a bit to see what’s the whole fuss about and then her eyes catch the word party and someone asking Camila if she’s going and the brown eyed girl replying with ’nope’ and Lauren is kind of confused.

So, she asks.

“Hey Camz?” She calls out to the younger girl who is sitting on the floor 

“Hm?”

But then Lauren gets an idea and shakes her head.

“Nevermind, I got it.” She says before walking towards their bedroom

She’s gone for a few moments and Camila can hear her as she searches for something in their closet, but she chooses to ignore it.

Or so she thinks.

It’s five minutes later when Lauren comes back to the living room, a short backless navy blue cocktail dress in her hands.

She throws it at the younger girl and Camila puts her laptop away to look at the piece of clothing that just hit her face.

“What’s this?”

“Your dress Camz.”

“No Lauren, I know it’s my dress, what’s up with the dress?”

“You’re wearing it tonight.”

“Where are we going?”

“Not we, you.”

“What?”

Lauren lets out a groan. “The party Camz, I read your texts.”

“Oh that.”

“Do you not wanna go?”

“No, it’s just that–” Camila bites her lip nervously 

“What’s wrong love?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone, okay? I know you’re okay but what if I have a bit too much and something happens to you and you try to call me– or if I just don’t hear the phone and–”

“Breathe.” Lauren chuckles “Do you wanna go to the party?”

“Everyone is going.”

“You should too. I’ll be fine. You’re only twenty Camz, I’m not gonna ask you to act like you’re forty.”

“Lo, are you sure?”

“Would it make you feel better if I ask someone to keep me company for tonight?”

“I guess.” Camila shrugs

Lauren quickly unlocks her phone and sends a text, it takes just a few moments until her phone buzzes and she smiles at the screen.

“Chris is coming over to spend the night and we’ll watch Men In Black and perhaps some other movies that have Will Smith in it.”

“I highly recommend Focus.”

“Is that the one with Margot Robbie?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh yea, I’m watching that one first.” Lauren grins

“Should have known.” Camila mumbles

“C'mon, take a shower and get dressed so I can do your make-up and hair and drop you off.”

“Oh, you’re dropping me off?”

“Well, do you have any other ride?”

“Someone can pick me up, I’ll just ask.”

“And what about the ride back?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Don’t get in the car with anyone who drinks–”

“No, I won’t, I promise. Do you want me to call you or Chris?”

“I think you should, yeah.”

“Okay love.” Camila pecked Lauren’s lips before walking over to the bathroom

Half an hour later the doorbell rings and Camila opens the door to meet Chris.

“Sup Cabello?” He smiles at her

“Hey Chris, come in.”

The boy throws a backpack off his shoulder on the floor next to the door.

“Want something to drink?" 

"Soda’s fine.”

Camila hums and walks to the kitchen to get him some soda.

“So, a party huh?”

“Her stubborn ass barely agreed to go.” Lauren says as she walks into the living room

“Excuse me for carrying about you?” Camila defends herself

“Confused as fuck.” Chris mumbled

“I didn’t want to leave her alone.” Camila huffs and hands him the soda

“Well, you are pregnant Lo. Can’t blame Cabello for being careful.”

“Which is why I have you here. Camz when are you going?”

“Soon, Lola said she’ll be here in fifteen minutes and it’s been a bit more than ten by now.”

“Do you have everything you need?”

“Lauren, it’s a college party.” Camila rolls her eyes 

“Exactly my point.”

“I’ve got all I need.” Camila nodded “Don’t worry love.”

Camila’s phone buzzed and she looked at the screen. “It’s Lola, I have to go.”

“Be careful and call me when you need me to pick you up.”

“Of course love." 

Camila kissed Lauren goodbye before leaving the apartment. 

"So, Men In Black?” Lauren grinned at her younger brother

“Oh yes, let’s watch this fresh prince of Bel-Air.”

“Yes mothafucka." 

So, the two of them laid down on the couch with bunch of snacks on the table next to them.

After Men In Black trilogy they settled on watching Focus and then just as they put on Concussion, Lauren’s phone went off.

Immediately she picked it up.

"Hey Camz, you okay?”

She could hear laughter in the background and Camila giggled.

“I’m fine, but could you pick me up?”

“Sure. I’ll be there soon, will you wait outside?”

“Yes. Thank you Lo.”

“Of course princess. Love you.”

Lauren ended the call and looked at her brother. “Are you tired?”

“Not really, no. Why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, do you wanna go with me to pick up Camz?”

“Sure, can I drive?”

“Bless you.” Lauren said and threw the car keys at him

About fifteen minutes later Chris pulled up in front of the party house.

“I can’t see her and her phone died. I should go in–”

“No, I’ll go Lo. You stay here, okay? It’s crowded and you know–” Chris cut her off before leaving the car

It took exactly one song by J. Cole for Chris to open the backdoor of the car and put Camila in.

Lauren, who exactly because of this wanted to sit in the back, leaned over and helped Camila fasten her seatbelt.

“Thank you beautiful.” Camila mumbled

“You’re welcome, are you okay?”

“I think I had a bit too much and I’ll probably be hangover tomorrow, but other than that, I’m fine.”

“You didn’t take anything other than alcohol though, right?”

“Just whisky-cola.” Camila nods

“Okay, that’s good.”

Camila leans over to Lauren and puts a hand on Lauren’s knee.

“Hallo.” Lauren giggles

“Hi,” Camila says before moving closer to Lauren’s ear “I’m horny.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. Are you tired?”

“We’ll fix that when we get home.” Lauren quietly replies and Camila sits back on her place with a smile on her face

However, somewhere along the way Camila falls asleep and Chris offers to carry her up to the apartment, which Lauren gratefully accepts.

When morning comes Camila curses her classmate for giving her one drink after another, Chris and Lauren only laugh at her.

Days go by and in a blink of an eye Lauren wakes up to the smell of pancakes.

Once she opens her eyes she sees her girlfriend standing above her with a plate of pancakes and a glass of  pineapple juice.

“Good morning beautiful.” Camila sweetly smiles at her

“Hey Camzi." 

"Tired?”

“A bit, yes. They kept kicking the whole night.”

Camila leans over to kiss Lauren’s belly.

“Hey babies, be good for your mama today, okay? I need to make this day a good day for her, I need it to be as beautiful as she is, can you do that for me? I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

Lauren almost cries at the sight because there’s something about Camila, the love of her life, talking to her children (or well, her belly) is so beautiful, so touching, it shows how much Camila cares and loves, not only her but also those children.

“You’re staring.” Camila points out

“You’re adorable.” Lauren shrugs

“And if I don’t leave soon, I’ll be late too.”

Lauren pouts but nods anyway. “Okay, do you want me to pick you up?”

“Um no, I have some stuff to deal with, Lola will drive me home.”

“Mhmm.” Lauren hums, her mouth full of pancakes

“Slow down mi amor, don’t choke." 

"This is so good." 

"Why, thank you princess, I have to go. What are your plans for today?”

“Um, I’m not sure. Why?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day today Lo. I’m taking you out on a date.”

“Oh, you are…”

“Of course I am.” Camila grins and leans over for a kiss

Once she pulls away Lauren starts laughing.

“You’ve got syrup all over your mouth now.”

“Ugh, I hate you, I’m leaving, I’ll text you later love.”

And with that, Lauren was left alone.

Once she finished her breakfast and cleaned the plates and sat down on the couch. After browsing Netflix for ten minutes she realized there’s nothing to watch so she picked up her phone.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you in town?”

“Mhm, why?”

“Lunch date, you and me?”

“Just the two of us?”

Lauren laughed, knowing what the question means. “It can be four if they’re up for it.”

“Okay, I’ll call Vero, you call Lucy? She is in the town, right?”

“Yes, I was with her few days ago.”

Alexa lets out a hum of agreement. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know, I wanna eat Mexican.”

“Ooh, I’m sure you will eat Mexican tonight, Cuban too.”

Even though Lauren could not see the Cuban model, she knew there’s a smirk on her face.

“Wipe that smirk away Ferrer.”

“Okay, okay, I give up. So, what aboutUno, Dos, Tequila?” Alexa suggests 

“How about in an hour an a half?”

“Deal, I’ll let you know about Vero.”

Fifteen minutes later Alexa sends her a text saying that Vero is in it and Lauren replies by saying that Lucy is up for it too.

So, she takes her time to get ready and texts Lucy she will pick her up so they can go together.

Once she picks Lucy up, they make their way towards the restaurant.

“So, you don’t have a ring yet.” Vero points out

“Neither do you.”  Lauren replies back with a smirk

“You’re pregnant.”

“You’ve been in a relationship longer.

"Okay, okay, enough.” Alexa cuts in “It’s Valentine’s Day, let’s enjoy it, shall we?”

The three of them nod their heads in agreement.

“So, what are we eating?” Lucy asks

“I feel like eating everything.” Lauren replies

“Do you have a lot of cravings?” Vero questions

“Not all the time, but when I do, it’s so bad. I’m surprised Camila still stayed with me after watching me eat all of it.”

“So, she’s been treating you right?” Alexa asks

“Yeah, it’s like, I was so scared she’ll leave once she finds out, that’s why I didn’t want to tell her at first. She stayed though.”

“You know that Cabello and I have a history of disliking each other, but she does care about you a lot Lauren.”

“I know Vero, I’m lucky to have her.”

“So, will you put a ring soon?”

“Um, no, I don’t think so.”

“In case she changes her mind?”

“Yeah…” Lauren mumbles and looks down at her menu

Alexa and Lucy share a look and nod to each other.

“I think I’m ready to order.”  Lucy grins “This sounds amazing, hope it tastes amazing too.”

So, Lauren spends lunch timer with her girls and Camila spends her in college and then going to the flower shop afterwards. 

She pick up a single rose, Lauren’s favorite.

Afterwards, she makes her way to her parents’ house where she left Lauren’s gift. She spends some time with her little sister before asking Lauren to pick her up.

“So, where are we going?”  Lauren questions as she watches Camila going through her closet

“Luna y sol. I made a reservation a few weeks ago.”

“I’ve never been there, is it good?”

“Mhm, what did you do the whole day?”

So, Lauren tells her about her lunch with the girls and how they went to Lucy’s afterwards and just spent time in her indoors pool until Camila called to pick her up.

“Sounds like you had a nice day.”

“I did.” Lauren replies with a smile

“Let’s hope I make it better.”

With nice dinner and a bunch of little cheap gifts, Camila indeed makes Lauren’s day better. And then, they come back to their apartment and Camila gently pushes Lauren on the bed and makes her watch take off her dress.

“This is the last gift I bought for you.” Camila says in a low tone

Lauren’s eyes scan her body up and down, drinking in every inch of it. Just the sight of half-naked Camila standing there in front of her creates a pool of wetness between her legs.

She bits her lips as she watches Camila playing with her lingerie, her black lacy thong and matching black lacy bra, both with a black bow on it.

“Happy Valentine’s Day mi amor.” Camila whispers before connecting their lips in a passionate kiss

And indeed, happy Valentine’s Day it was.

Things are going great for the two Latinas, almost as if they are in a fairy-tale. Or so Lauren would think so.

Camila certainly thinks so when she walks into the kitchen on her birthday and finds Lauren in the kitchen with bunch of sticky buns and her favorite donuts with Nutella, courtesy of Ally Brooke Hernandez herself.

“Am I dead? I’m sure I died and went to heaven.”

Lauren turns around at the sound of Camila’s voice.

“There’s my birthday girl. How did you sleep?”

“When did you get up?”

“Ten minutes ago. I made Jacob bring me your favorite breakfast food, he also bought vanilla flavored milk.”

“And here I thought you woke up earlier to get it for me.”

“Camz, you can’t sleep for more than fifteen minutes if I’m not in the bed next to you.” Lauren points out

“True. So what’s your plan for today, considering you told me to skip classes? You’re a bad influence on me Jauregui.”

Lauren raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Yup.”

“In that case, should I cancel our day?”

“No!” Camila replies instantly and Lauren lets out a chuckle

So, once Camila is done with her breakfast they go to their room to get some clothes.

“Where are you taking me? What should I wear?”

“Anything you want.” Lauren replies “I’m wearing my leggings and a T-shirt.”

“You’re always wearing that.”

“It’s the only thing that fits me and makes me feel comfortable.”

“It’s okay, you still look as beautiful as ever.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

And it breaks Camila’s heart to hear that, so she turns around and sits next to her girlfriend.

“You’re beautiful Lo, so fucking beautiful that words cannot describe.”

“I love you.” Lauren mumbles before connecting their lips into a kiss

Camila’s smile breaks a kiss and when she pulls away she looks at the clothes in front of her.

“I guess this will do.” She says before putting on her red skirt and a  black tank top

“So pwetty.” Lauren says in her baby voice “Oh wait, I’ve got something for you.”

“Lolo, we said no gifts.”

“Mhm, but it���s not a big deal. I’ll be right back, you stay here.”

Quickly, Lauren walks over to the second room and grabs an old backpack before walking back to her room.

“I didn’t bother to wrap it nicely because you know–”

“No point in it, yeah.” Camila giggles

So, Camila opens the backpack and sees three books in there.

“Loooo, you bought me books?”

“Mhm. Because books make you happy. I like having you happy.”

Camila takes the books out and sees Maya Angelou's Letter to My Daughter and The Heart Of A Woman, right next to it was a copy of All The Things I Never Said by Mae Krell.

“There’s more." 

Camila furrows her brows before reaching into the backpack before pulling out a little box.

She shakes it and she can hear something light moving inside of it.

"Open it.” Lauren says gently

Camila does as she was told and smiles at the gift inside the box.

“How many of it is there?”

“A few.” Lauren shrugs

Camila takes the guitar picks and goes through them.

“Mexican flag, Cuban flag, Demi’s signature, Ed’s signature, Justin’s signature, Minions guitar pick, banana guitar pick.”

“All your faves.” Lauren smiles

“It’d be all my faves if I had one with your face on it.”

“Actually…”

“You didn’t.”

“Look, it was Dinah’s idea and I wasn’t sure if I should give it to you but–” Lauren says before opening one of her drawers and pulling out a guitar pick bracelet before giving it to Camila

“My heart beats for you.” Camila reads

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, and I love you.”

“Are you ready to go?”

Camila nods and helps Lauren get up.

First Lauren takes her to the theater where the morning play is Peter Pan, Camila’s favorite.

The whole time Camila can’t stop smiling, which makes Lauren smile too.

Once the show is over, Lauren drives them to her Lucy’s place where Camila’s closest friends are already waiting for them.

“Happy twenty-first my love.” Lauren whispers before kissing her cheek gently “Make a wish.”

Cuban-Mexican girl closes her eyes before blowing the candles, and then before she can even take a next breath, her face is in the cake and Dinah’s laughter is ringing through the house.

“You’re dead Dinah Jane.”

“Sure Jan.” Dinah smirks before walking away

Camila lets out a loud groan and everyone else laughs.

The next few hours kind of pass in a blur, but the only thing Camila knows for sure is that her heart is happy.

“Hey, do you have anything else planned?”

“Um no, why?”

“Can we go somewhere?”

“Sure.” Lauren smiles

“Wait here, I’ll be ready in a few minutes, okay?”

Lauren nods and turns her attention back to Ally.

A few minutes later Camila comes back and hugs Lauren from behind.

“I’m ready to go. Are you?”

“Mhm, whatever my baby wants. See you Ally.”

“See you girls, have fun.”

Lauren’s surprised when Camila opens the passenger door for her but goes along with it.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Camila replies and connects her phone to the car’s Bluetooth system

It takes almost half an hour for them to reach the place, a place that’s literally middle of nowhere.

“Um Camz?”

“I’ve got this, trust me.” Camila chuckles and opens the trunk to pull out a travel bag

“Um, yeah, sure, okay.”

Camila lets out a laugh before intertwining their hands and pulling Lauren into the woods.

“Don’t be scared Lo, we’re fine.”

“What’s this?”

“A few more moments.”

So, a few more moments later, they reach a meadow with a little pond in the middle.

“This is beautiful, how did you find this place?”

Camila kneeled down and pulled out a bunch of blankets from the bag and spread it across the grass before lying down on it.

“Come here, I want you closer.”

Lauren slowly and carefully lies down next to her and instantly, like a magnet, Camila’s body comes closer to hers.

“When you left, I was lost. I was a mess. I won’t sugarcoat it. I spent days walking around like a zombie. It took me a while before I could finally breathe normally. One day, I don’t remember what triggered me, but I know that one moment I was fine and the next moment, I was not. I took the car and drove for who knows how long. I saw a path next to the road and pulled the car. I just walked, for all I knew, it could be a death trap. I didn’t really care much. And then I found this. I’d come here whenever I needed  a place to think, to calm down, when I needed my peace. Just me, my notebook and my guitar. Sometimes a book.”

“Camz– I’m sorry.”

“Shh love, it’s okay. I just, this is my special place, my part of heaven. But heaven means nothing if I don’t have you with me. I don’t have anything if I don’t have you. You’re my world Lauren, as crazy as it sounds. My heart beats for you.”

“And mine beats for you Camz.”

Camila didn’t reply, she only cuddled herself closer to Lauren and played with the older girl’s hair as the day turned into night.

They stayed like that, cuddled up to each other, only a few words exchanged between them. They stayed like that until the moon came out and the starts covered the dark sky above them.

There were a lot of things going on at that exact moment, but to them, nothing else mattered. Nothing else except being in each other’s embrace mattered.

[robbyrobinson]

Hellfire (Parody)

Lola: Oh, Chris Savino, you know I am a pretty girl,

Of my fashion I am justly proud!

Oh Chris Savino, you know I'm so much better than

The tomboy, goth girl, and the baby (Chorus: especially the baby)

Then tell me, Savino,

Why my mom won't buy this dress,

Why my wardrobe is suddenly less glam!

I feel it, I see it!

The glitter sparkling at the seams,

Its luscious colors are blazing in me out of all control!

Like fire! Hellfire!

This fire in my skin.

This burning desire is turning me to sin!

It's not my fault!

(Go to bed)

I'm not to blame!

(Go to bed)

It is my mother, the one who did inflame!

(Go to bed)

It's not my fault!

If in your plan!

You made a dress absolutely bland!

Protect me, Savino!

Don't let my mother wash my clothes,

Don't let the water seer my flesh and bone!

Destroy her, Savino! And let her taste the fires of Hell!

Unless she buys this dress that I've shown!

(A knock is heard at the door to the living room; Lola hides behind the couch)

Rita: That's odd....I thought I heard singing.

(She leaves, and Lola emerges from her hiding place)

Lola: She will buy it if I have to burn down all of Royal Woods!

Hellfire! Dark fire! Now mom, it's your turn!

Get what I desire!

Buy it or you will burn!!!

(It's just a dress)

Savino, have mercy on her...

(It's just a dress)

Savino, have mercy on me....

(It's just a dress)

But it will be mine or...

She...

Will......

Burn!!!!

[spajonas]

Read An Excerpt From UGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL By Tracy Krimmer

Congratulations to Tracy Krimmer, my awesome crit partner, on the release of her new coming of age novel, UGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

This is my stop during the book blitz for Ugly Beautiful Girl by Tracy Krimmer. This book blitz is organized by Lola’s Blog Tours. The book blitz runs from 27 September till 3 October. See the tour schedule here.

Ugly Beautiful Girl By Tracy Krimmer Genre: Coming of Age/ Contemporary Romance Age category: New Adult Release Date: September 27, 2017

Blurb: Nerd. Weird. Ugly. That’s me. And I don’t want it to be anymore.

Now is my time to make my mark on the world. My college roommate doesn’t make it easy. Neither does her brother, Jesse, but for completely different reasons. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.

Wanted. Important. Beautiful.

But we can’t be together because it isn’t real. Someone like him could never fall for someone like me. We aren’t meant to fit together.

Even if I fall apart without him.

You can find Ugly Beautiful Girl on Goodreads

You can buy Ugly Beautiful Girl here on Amazon. Ugly Beautiful Girl is available on Kindle Unlimited.

Excerpt

“He’s so nice.” Janna takes another cookie and hands one to me as well. “He’s so out of my league, though. Hell, he’s out of most people’s leagues.”

Everyone is out of my league. Between my Pinnochio nose, planet-sized ass, and the scars left behind from the great pimple outbreak of 2015, I’m far down in the lineup for anyone to date. I accepted that a long time ago. After being called a dog more times than I can count, I finally made the decision that maybe everyone is right. I’m not pretty and never will be. The more and more someone refers to you as something, the more likely you are to believe it.

“How is he so nice and his sister is such a jerk?” I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people so different from one another before. His first impression is the complete opposite from Olivia’s. Janna begins walking so I step in line with her. “Who knows? They were both super popular in school but for different reasons. Her reasons are more X-rated if you catch my drift.”

Sex tape? Pictures online? Favors in the bathroom? I want to know but I also don’t want to gossip about Olivia. I don’t like when people say stuff about me so I don’t want to do it to her. Besides, things like that tend to come back around. I don’t want it to bite me in the ass.

“So this Tyler guy, was he your boyfriend throughout high school?”

“Nah. We dated senior year. That was it. I had one other boyfriend, Grant, freshman and sophomore year. I took junior year off of guys, I guess. Who knows?” She shrugs. “Sometimes I think about quitting guys all together.”

“Like dating girls instead?”

“Maybe. Or not dating at all. I’ll graduate, collect two dozen cats, and call it a life.” She can’t be serious. I would kill to look like her. Okay, maybe not kill, but I could do some damage if needed. I doubt she has had any experience with being called names, and she’s had two boyfriends to my zero. I picture her strutting down her high school hallway sans book bag—she’s too cool for one. Her books are snug against her hip as she works her way down the hall as everyone glances her way. No. She can’t become a cat lady. If anyone should surrender her life to cats it’s me, and even I won’t do that.

“What about you? Do you have a special man in your life?”

Does my dad count? Probably not what she means. I almost kissed Shawn Solender once in sixth grade but that turned out to be a joke. Another time as a freshman I was supposed to go to Homecoming with Chris Henderson. I sat on the front steps of my house for three hours before I finally admitted to myself he wasn’t coming. On Monday at school everyone made fun of me and pictures were posted all over Instagram. Someone had stopped by and snapped as many shots of me crying as they could. The hashtags were horrible, things such as #loser, #whowoulddateher, #dogface, #dogbreath, #nobody. They got pretty negative, pushed me down to a point I almost didn’t want to get back up, but I did. I keep telling myself they are only words, no matter how much they hurt.

The change begins with me, right? If I’m going to create a better life for myself, I have to be confident. “No. There are a few guys who want to date me, but since I’m here I want to play the field.” I’m sure she sees right through me, and if she does, she doesn’t let on.

“Us hotties have to stick together and stay single.”

Hotties? She’s speaking of herself, not me. I appreciate the gesture, trying to include me in a clique I will never be part of. I’ve been through it long enough. I know the truth.

I’m the ugly girl in the room. I always have been and always will be.

About the Author

Tracy’s love of writing began at nine years old. She wrote stories about aliens at school, machines that did homework for you, and penguins. Now she pens books and short stories about romance. She loves to read a great book, whether it be romance or science fiction, or any genre in between, or pop popcorn and catch up on her favorite TV shows or movies. She’s been known to crush a candy or two as well. Her loves include fitness, reading, coffee, dogs, and naps (not in that order), and her dislikes are blue cheese, cold weather, and burpees.

You can find and contact Tracy here: – Website – Twitter – Facebook – Goodreads – Amazon – Bookbub – Instagram – Newsletter

Giveaway There is a tour wide giveaway for the book blitz of Ugly Beautiful Girl. One winner will win a $10 Amazon Gift card.

For a chance to win, enter the rafflecopter below: a Rafflecopter giveaway

Read An Excerpt From UGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL By Tracy Krimmer was originally published on S. J. Pajonas