#and how unconditional love can have it's downfalls as well

[varpusvaras]

It was quiet in the house, after.

It was the sort of quietness that Obi-Wan knew was the last thing holding up the fragile peace between them. It was the sort of quietness he knew needed not to be forced to end, otherwise more things would be broken.

So he let it be. Let it hold onto them for the rest of the day, the evening, past the setting of the suns and into the night.

The first sign of the quietness coming to an end was Cody coming to lay down next to him. If he would've gone to sleep somewhere else, it would've meant that he needed even more time. Obi-Wan still didn't say anything, didn't push for anything, just let him lay there. Cody's back was not quite touching Obi-Wan's, but he was still close enough for Obi-Wan to feel the warmth radiating from him.

Obi-Wan waited. He had gotten good at waiting.

Then, after the desert had fallen asleep around them, Cody spoke.

"I do understand", he said. His voice was level, in a way Obi-Wan recognised that almost deceptive. Not because he was lying, no, but because he needed to make it so in order to speak the truth.

"Understand what, exactly?" Obi-Wan asked. He both heard and felt Cody shift.

"Understand why you can't let go", Cody said. "How you are probably never able."

There was another moment of the quietness between them. Obi-Wan listened to Cody breathe through all the thoughts and feelings that were undoubtedly storming inside of him.

"I never would've been able, no matter what", Cody said then, his voice now more quiet, but also more harsh around the words, as he was trying to get them out in time. "I know Fox wasn't perfect, none of us were, but he was mine."

"I'm not sure it's the same thing", Obi-Wan said. "Fox and Anakin were two very, very different people."

"They were", Cody said, almost spitting the words out, like he was insulted by even the thought of his brother being compared to Anakin. "But he was still mine and he was still yours."

Obi-Wan stared at the darkness of the house for a long, long moment in the quietness.

"Yes", he whispered, finally. "He was."

[avensthetic]

𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 (40mp, deco*27)

to you who sobbed as you looked at me who was troubled yet smiling, i say: "welcome home!" because yesterday and tomorrow as well, there is a place here for you to come and say "i've come home!" tw: brief mentions of abuse, slavery, blood, and a pet name. nothing graphic.

𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚

━━ ╸i almost left. almost did plenty of times if i’m honest. it's stupid, i know. running's always been my solution, my way of gambling with the inevitable disaster that follows me around. i’m selfish aren’t i? i didn’t even think how destroyed you would be. but i thought it was better than dragging you down with me.

i’m a fool. me, a man who's gambled everything and walked away from worse, nearly bailing on the one good thing i've got in my damn life. i know i don't deserve you. every day i wake up expecting my luck to run out, expecting it all to go up in flames, you getting sick of me and leaving.

but everytime i come home, sometimes late, sometimes smelling like the deals i had to make, blood and all that, and you're there, waiting patiently, eyes lighting up in relief and delight seeing me unharmed. you smile, and that simple "welcome home" ... damn, doll, it's like finding an oasis in my damn desert of a life.

i’ll be here…if you’ll still have me.

love, kakavasha

deep down, aventurine was still the terrified boy sold at the slave market, his worth measured in a handful of copper coins. all the credits in the world, all the influence he'd acquired, couldn't erase that brand imprinted on his soul.

his gaze drifted to you, sleeping soundly. a pang of guilt and love twisted in his gut. you were the one good thing in his life, a beacon of warmth contrasting the memory of the cold shackles that once coiled around his neck and wrists. the way you smiled at him, the unconditional acceptance in your eyes... it was everything he'd ever longed for, and yet, it felt unbearably fragile.

aventurine always believed he didn't deserve this happiness, this soft illusion of home that your presence created. his hands, stained with blood from past betrayals and gambles gone wrong, felt contaminated. every day with you was a borrowed luxury, a ticking clock until his rotten luck inevitably turned, and he destroyed this haven as he'd destroyed everything else he touched.

a bitter laugh threatened to escape his lips. ending it... maybe that was the kindest thing he could do. spare you the pain of his inevitable downfall, let you find someone worthy, someone who wasn't cursed like him.

he tiptoed closer, unable to resist tracing a finger along your cheek. aventurine had already been through a lot—beaten, starved, used. but the thought of never feeling your touch again, never hearing your voice, was the one pain he wasn’t sure he could handle.

you stirred slightly, mumbling a soft greeting even in sleep, “kakavasha? welcome home.” his heart constricted. that simple welcome, offered so freely, had been his lifeline through countless dark nights.

your promise echoed, “when you say i’m back, i will always be there to greet you with a welcome home.” who was he kidding? he can fool others, but not himself. and aventurine finds himself holding onto your hand tightly rather than let go.

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 - 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓

[themattress]

Who helped negatively shape Azula?

As of Azula in the Spirit Temple, it couldn't be more clear.

Azulon and Iroh are both guilty through inaction. In Azulon's case, he just straight-up didn't give a damn about Azula...her being named after him and being a prodigy at firebending failed to move him in the way Ozai had hoped. As for Iroh, he knew damn well what kind of a parent his brother was likely to be, but let his own military ambitions and desire to please his father take precedence over any concerns. Then, when he finally had the opportunity to help, he only did so for Zuko because he saw in him both his own dead son and a young version of Ozai that he could save from falling to darkness, while in Azula he only saw current Ozai which completely ignores the fact that she's a child. He didn't help her, and she got worse. Especially damning is that even after Zuko betrayed him and he was locked in prison, Iroh still reached out to help Zuko through teaching him he was Avatar Roku's descendant which somehow means the potential for good is inherit in him...yet did no such thing for Azula even when she is also Avatar Roku's descendant whom that theory should also hold true for.

But of course, the bigger guilty parties are Ozai and Ursa, her own parents, because their actions directly impacted her. Ozai is the guiltiest of all since he's the one who groomed her to be like him and believe in his psychotic, sadistic, manipulative worldview and bigoted, authoritarian, nationalistic philosophies. Ursa gets some leeway for being a victim of Ozai's abuse, but it can only carry her so far. As frightened of Ozai as she was, she was still an adult, and her children were far more vulnerable and at risk from Ozai. And yet Ursa let her fear of Ozai, whom she saw in Azula, and her guilt for inadvertently setting Zuko up for being targeted for abuse by Ozai, cloud her maternal judgement. She focused her energies on Zuko, neglecting Azula save for chiding her when she acted out for attention, and gave Ozai the perfect opportunity to convince Azula that unconditional love was a fantasy. And on top of that, she ended up completely abandoning both her children. Both of Azula's parents sucked.

Not guilty at all are Zuko, Mai, Ty Lee and Lu Ten. Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee are all victims of Azula plus of their own parents (the exact same as Azula's in Zuko's case), while Lu Ten was never in a position where he could have possibly done anything to help her; for all we know he barely ever got to see his younger cousins given how active he was in the military.

And on that note, Azula can't be fully absolved of guilt for how she turned out given that those peers whom she was closest to and whom she victimized all managed to overcome the way the adults in their lives failed them and negatively shaped them by their own free will. Azula could have done the same but instead doubled down on it, and that was her downfall.

[gothearts]

What's Sera and Adam's relationship like in Heaven? How does it change after he falls?

Post fall is sort of complicated to answer right now given how little I've put out of my au, so you're not going to get the FULL context until I finish putting out all of the characters. I'll do my best to give an abridged explanation ahdshdkjshdskjshskjh Sera was fond of Adam. It's not too far off from canon where she's weary of his behavior, but it's more in the direction of her worrying for just how spiteful he can be, trying to constantly reel him back in and dismiss the negativity. She knows what happens when someone is no longer deemed useful to heaven. She's been through it three times now. He lets the truth of the extermination slip, and she knows that she can no longer save him. He's now become a liability. At that point she would withdraw and refocus her efforts on Emily, as detached as it may seem. She can't dwell for her own well being and ability to uphold her roll in maintaining order. She doesn't know he's in hell. She thinks he's dead. As far as she knows, only angels can fall. Winners have never been slain and Sinners who had previously been reset are reincarnated just to lead the same sinful lives, leading to the notion that a soul cannot be changed, bringing forth the extermination. (There were no attempts to rehabilitate these souls prior, just a reset that still bore scars on the soul from past lives. Like reincarnation.) Adam is gone and Adam has failed, meaning that from what she knows, she'll never see him again. That's what she would respond with whenever Emily would bring it up, using him as a cautionary tale to keep Emily from questioning the will of heaven further. It does tear her up inside. That's four losses now. But she knows that if she cracks and shows the pain she's experiencing, she could be deemed unfit to uphold her role, being cast out too. Seraphiel from the book of Enoch, who she represents in my au, is a seraphim dedicated to the care of those below him. Therefore, so is Sera. She loved Adam as if he were hers, because that's how she views all of God's creation. It's her job to guide and nurture, The loss of Adam likely is the last blow to steel her heart, causing her to have no tolerance for Emily's dreams, deeming it necessary to guide her. It also results in cracking down further on Charlie, doing all she knows how to in order to keep her own people safe. As for Adam, the first betrayal comes when he calls for backup and nobody answers, leading to his demise aka fall. He's in denial at first that Sera hasn't came to save him. He likely has one of those "she's coming, you'll see!" moments that lead to him slowly wearing down as days turn to weeks until he has to accept that he's stuck here and what happened was not a mistake on heaven's behalf. They left him to die. It's a harsh realization that the kingdom you dedicated the last several millennia of your existence to does not hold unconditional love for you, and by extension, neither does Sera despite her intentions. As much as he loved Sera, being at the hotel and experiencing life without the constant pressure of someone expecting you to repress your misplaced anger instead of helping you through it as a true nurturer should, causes him to stop yearning for his own redemption. He's finding it here. Ironically in Hell. Angels only know how to repress because exploration is what lead to Lucifer's own downfall, and every being in heaven lives by that. But here, he gets to work through all the turmoil he's been caused and has caused. And the more he looks back on life on heaven with her, the more he realizes how miserable it was. The memories become bittersweet. The only thing their relationship ends up amounting to, is being the catalyst for him to rise above the future she unintentionally helped push him to succumb to. He can change and finally learn to let go. They will meet again, but that's writing for the future as i'm still fleshing out the first act, and this is like... third act stuff.

[elitadream]

I love how you’ve stressed the understanding of Junior not TRULY being able to pick sides when it comes to his father and Mario. With him being a young child, making that distinction between what is good and bad pretty much comes down the that nature vs nurture aspect.

I can see almost see both ways happen, as a child who’s strived to impress a parent that isn’t the best role model, there have been moments where I’ve had to ignore or hide what I know as right and wrong and follow what they think as to get that sweet sweet parental praise and love. Maybe as Junior gets older the expectations of taking the throne outweigh his true feelings, and his love and loyalty to his father becomes his downfall. It’s not healthy for this unconditional familial love, especially on both ends. Even if the end goal is to help or provide, if the parents morals are warped or skewed then the child they put out will have those learned behaviors (our nurture aspect) if any of this makes sense.

I can also see an event in which an older Junior comes across a situation in which he does not agree with a decision. Perhaps Bowser has tried to rope an now older Junior into capturing Peach and attempting to rid of Mario and Luigi in a more aggressive fashion. In a fit of desperation and fear, Junior pretends to “defeat” the bro’s. Maybe it was something Mario said, or how sad he looked to be fighting the koopaling he’s come to know and cherish (a pseudo-son of sorts), but in the end Junior just can’t see the reasoning to hurt someone, especially when he knows deep down that him and his father are the ones at fault. Perhaps the bros make it to the Dark Lands and make it to Bowsers and him, leading to a final standoff. Junior doesn’t want to hurt anyone, it’s not fun to see others in pain or suffering, and the conflict of interest between him and his father may drive that decision to turn away from Bowser. Presumably leading to a Father vs Son, a Generation vs Generation, a true Right vs Wrong. (Maybe our nature aspect)

The speculation space you provide is fantastic, from the short blurbs and scenes we have gotten and the bread crumbs of text show that Junior appreciates and loves his father while respecting and looking up to Mario as well. The conflict of role models and with just how young Junior still is shows that he could still be swayed in either direction. The fantastic part to me is there is still no way to tell yet.

Your AU and everything you’ve put forth so far is gorgeous and I am so happy to have been able to come across you blog on more than one occasion. Please continue your world building, what you have is something you should be proud of. (*´꒳`*)

Ooh yes, Junior is a very conflicted character on that front! 🥺🙇‍♀️ He loves his father greatly and wants to make him proud, but he's also deeply and genuinely fond of Mario- and finding himself torn between radically opposing forces creates a very intense struggle for him, emotionally and morally speaking.

The tragic beauty in this conflict is that Junior finds candid motivation on both ends due to the very strong affection and admiration that he feels for the two. His intentions originate from the right place regardless of who they're directed at, and he will inevitably sway back and forth because of this.

While I've shown him as being a "good" kid (in the sense that he isn't inherently evil, but rather a blank canvas like most children are), his father's influence in his life is still huge and incredibly potent, the same way Mario's impact on him is felt very strongly despite him really wanting to be worthy of his father's esteem.

I love Junior's character for that reason- the ambiguity, the incertainty and the constant dilemma that comes with trying to meet contrasting expectations. He's a paradoxical figure, his heart leaning in two different directions at the same time, and one that is bound to evolve in a very non-linear way because of it. 🎇

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this!! That was a beautiful analysis, and I'm delighted that you like my portrayal of the small koopa. 🙏 Thank you for your wonderful compliment on my work, that's immensely appreciated. ☺️💟

[ilguna]

☼ peach lemonade pt1 (Finnick Odair) ☼

summary; you thought that Finnick was giving you signs that he likes you, especially when he asked if you wanted to get lunch. it's all ruined when he shows up with his girlfriend.

warnings; swearing

wc; 2.7k

part two

–

When you had originally opened your bakery, there was a mix of reactions from the people around you. Your parents were supportive, especially since they were the ones that supplied the money and oversaw your plans on how you’d keep it running if they couldn’t support you anymore. They pushed you into baking when they realized you had a talent, and they promised you that they’d be behind you every step of the way.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t their opinions that mattered the most to you. You’d known that they wanted you to go this way since you were young. And even if you decided that baking wasn’t for you, they’d help you go the new direction, too. It’s their unconditional love that makes it hard for their thoughts to matter.

It was your friends that nearly ruined it for you. Almost all of them told you that it would end up being a waste. They fully believed that you should’ve invested your time and wealth into a job that might’ve been more promising, because apparently they could see failure in your future. 

It was disappointing to hear negativity come from the people that you trusted the most, considering it was hard enough to put yourself out there. It made you mad for the longest time. You stopped inviting them to your family’s functions, which then turned into no longer speaking to them altogether. The last thing you needed was to keep them around.

You knew why they felt that way: their judgment stemmed from the fact that their parents were district workers, and your family hasn’t worked in generations due to inheritance. The most your parents do now is invest in new businesses and make a small profit off of what the business makes.

It’s really no secret that your family isn’t well-liked by some of the community, despite having several members work for the district. They’re so focused on the fact that some live off the wealth and forget that not everyone born into your family wants to live that way. It can be boring, filling your free time with learning how to play the piano, instead of learning life skills. 

You have a lot of respect for those who do work for the district. They’re the whole reason why District Four doesn’t collapse from the inside out. If it weren’t for them, a lot of independent businesses—including your own—would cease to function. Not to mention, there’d be more rules, peacekeepers wandering around, and a curfew.

Well, your friends were wrong. The bakery had enough exposure to the point where it’s been popular since the day it opened. A lot of people preyed on your downfall, but you’d never give them the satisfaction. You aimed to be affordable but still perfectly rich so that low income families could still come and purchase products. 

For a lot of these families, it was their first time being able to have bread that wasn’t made from the grain and oil that the district produced in exchange for names in the bowl. Good bread is especially hard to come by for them, considering out of the four bakeries the district had before you opened—none of them allowed opportunity for the poor.

The most important part about the bakery to you is that it keeps your hands busy and bellies full. 

And it’s definitely not the fact that it brought Finnick Odair back to you. 

You went to the same schools as Finnick growing up, and he got reaped in your guys’ freshman year. You vaguely remember talking to him on a few occasions, but you weren’t actively friends, no matter how much you wished you were. You’ll have to admit that you had a massive crush on him, and you thought you got over it as you got older and stopped being around him.

A couple months ago he came into the bakery for the first time. You were fully prepared for him to not recognize you, it’d been years since the last conversation you had with him. He greeted you by name, though, with this giant smile on his face. Once again, you knew that you were a goner.

Finnick comes in pretty regularly now to sit and talk to you when either of you have the time. He’s busy mentoring and preparing kids for the Hunger Games, and you’re making baked goods from morning to night. It’s never about anything important, just what’s going on in your lives.

You’ll gossip about the latest drama that he’s not in on, but still totally invested in it. And he’ll tell you what it’s like in the Capitol. The types of foods he eats, the clothes they wear, the products they sell. He makes it sound like some fairytale. Recently, he’s convinced himself that your family belongs in the Capitol and it’s a wonder why you didn’t get moved over during the rebellion. 

He’s purely thinking about it from wealth-wise, but he neglects to think about the fact that your grandparents denied the offer. They had the chance, and they told the Capitol that they’d rather stay here, where they were born so that they could continue to raise generations in the place they worked so hard to make home.

There’s been a few times where the two of you have gotten so caught up in what you were talking about, and time had flown by. He’s always got something interesting to say, and it’s never a dull moment with him.

He’s actually been coming around a lot more lately to talk to you. He’ll wait around for the store to close and he’ll help you clean, and then walk you back to your neighborhood before going in the other direction. And with how many questions he’s been asking lately, you have a feeling it’s not friendly anymore.

Well, you’re hoping it’s not friendly. 

You never thought that you’d like him like this all over again, but it’s impossible when he’s around you all the time. Besides the people you work with, and the other people that regularly come to the bakery, he’s the only one that makes an effort to talk to you outside of work.

You thought that you were going to burst yesterday when he asked if you’d come to lunch today. You try to limit yourself when it comes to taking time away from the bakery, but you couldn’t say no to him.

You push through the clothes in your closet, trying to find something that would be nice to wear. As you step deeper in, you realize that there’s too many options. There’s dresses, shirts, pants, shirts, tank tops. And this doesn’t even consider all the shoes and jewelry you’ve managed to accumulate through gifts.

You pull out a nice lilac dress that would go with the weather today, and could go with most of your silver jewelry. To humor yourself, you pull out what would go with it. The dress, white socks, white tennis shoes. You dig and dig through your jewelry box to find the perfect set.

By the time you’re done, you realize that you basically have your mind set on wearing it. So, you go through the time of pulling on the outfit one piece at a time, waiting to do your makeup to make sure that you look good enough in the mirror. There’s been too many times where you’ve done your makeup around an outfit and changed your mind when you were done. It’s hard to work on a limited color palette.

You let out a breath when you see yourself in the mirror, picturing how you’d do your eyeshadow and eyeliner to follow the color scheme. It’d be beautiful, and you’re sure that Finnick would comment on it…

There’s a gross feeling in your stomach telling you not to go with this. Finnick didn’t say that it was a date, so there’s no point to dress like it is one. What if he takes you the wrong way, like you’re trying to be pushy? The last thing you want is to make him feel weird. He’s already told you that he’s way too popular in the Capitol for his liking. You don’t want to be just another girl.

You press your lips together, and slowly undo the work you’ve done. You set the jewelry aside, hoping that you’ll find a purple shirt and white pants somewhere. You’ve got practically every color of the rainbow, there’s no reason for you not to have it.

Back in the closet, you pick through the hangers, and then the drawers. You’re about to give up when you find a regular shirt that’s the same color as the dress. There’s no white pants, so you settle on light blue, and reassemble your jewelry carefully to make sure it’s not overbearing. The only thing you add on when you’re done is a silver circle belt. It’s not practical, but it definitely adds to your look.

It’s much more simple, and you don’t look as dressed up. With that, you wander off to the bathroom to sit at the counter and do your makeup and hair for the next hour. It’s partially interrupted by your mom coming to check up on you periodically and ask you questions about the bakery. 

She tries not to go inside and impede as much as possible, and limits her questions for when you come home. She trusts you, and she knows that if you did actually end up needing help with the bakery, you’d ask for it before it was too late. 

When you’re done getting ready, you grab your bag on the way out the door, saying goodbye to your mom. She told you that she was going to call the mayor about some stuff. She blows you a kiss goodbye, you catch it and slide out of the door, closing it carefully.

The walk from your house to the cafe is short. It’s springtime again, which means that it’s getting warmer but it’s not hot enough to make you feel like you’re dying. Around this time every year, you manage to fool yourself into thinking that it’s your favorite season, then the heat hits and you’re miserable.

As soon as you open the door, you know that Finnick isn’t here yet. There’s only two other people, and they’re sitting in a corner talking to each other. The man behind the counter smiles at you, and you smile back.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” He leans on the counter, pen and paper prepared in his hand.

“My friend’s going to be here in a minute, so I’ll take a peach lemonade for now, please.” You smile.

"We make peach lemonade from syrup, is that going to be okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Sounds good, go ahead and pick out a spot, I'll bring it to you." He backs off.

“Thank you.”

You turn, and wander over to the table you normally sit at with your parents. This is one of the only cafe’s on this side of town, which means that it’s typically used as a nighttime restaurant as well. The issue is that they don’t really serve hot foods unless it’s the winter, so it doesn’t feel like it should be used as a nice restaurant.

You sit, and pull out some paper to write on in the meantime. The man from the counter drops off the lemonade a minute later. You figured that you’d show up sooner than Finnick would. Victor’s Village is so far away, and still he chose this place to come to. It is a nice place, he could’ve chosen to have a picnic or something instead. Although, you don’t really take Finnick as a chef. You wouldn’t mind cooking, it’s not like you don’t do it all the time anyway.

Well, baked goods are completely different from actual foods. If you were to have a picnic with him, you’d have to choose cold foods, or food that wouldn’t go back in the time it took you to walk from your house to the picnic spot. You know that whatever you make could never compare to what he’s had in the Capitol. He’s told you that his mouth waters just thinking about some of their dishes.

Fruits and vegetables that even your family would struggle to get, are ready at their fingertips in the Capitol. Oranges, peaches, raspberries, strawberries—all delicacies that are gotten on special occasions. It would have to be a first birthday, a funeral or a wedding in order for those fruits to be served. And they’d have to be made into a fancy dish, since they’re fancy fruits.

Sometimes Finnick makes you jealous without meaning to. You don’t envy how he got reaped to be in the Hunger Games, because you’re grateful you managed to avoid it. But you think that you’d give anything to eat a dish made from the Capitol. Anything.

The door chimes, you finish what you’re writing before tearing your eyes from the paper to see who it is. You’re met with familiar curled bronze hair and a white smile. Finnick’s got his body turned to hold open the door for a young woman with long brown hair.

You fold the papers and place them back into your bag, getting to your feet to greet Finnick. When you look at him again, you see that he’s got his arm wrapped around the girl's waist. You can feel your eye twitch on its own free will. You blink to prevent it from happening again.

“Hey… Finnick.” You force a smile, eyebrows drawn together as you look them over.

“(Y/n), sorry we’re so late, we had an errand to run on the way.” He pulls out a chair for the girl, “Annie, this is my friend (Y/n), from the bakery. And (Y/n), this is my girlfriend Annie.”

Your face almost falls completely at his words, but you manage to catch it. You hold out your hand to shake hers. She gives you a shy smile, taking your hand and gripping lightly, “Nice to meet you. Finnick’s told me so much about you.”

“All good things I hope.” You smile a little more, trying to be convincing.

However, when you look at Finnick, you can feel it fading again. There’s no way that this is happening right now—that this is happening to you. You didn’t think that he had a girlfriend, he’s never mentioned her in conversation before. After eight months of coming in and staying late to talk to you and walk you home, he’s never mentioned Annie.

It must’ve been on purpose, because you wouldn’t have neglected to mention something so important. You thought that the two of you were, at the very least, friends. He hasn’t brought her around—you don’t even think you’ve seen her on the street. You would’ve noticed otherwise, you’re sure of it. 

You look over Annie again, and realize that she looks strikingly familiar.

“I see you’ve got something.” Finnick motions to your lemonade, you have to turn your head to look at him, “Did you close the check?”

“No, it’s an open check, feel free to get whatever you like. Lunch is on me.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Annie smiles, “I’m hungry, aren’t you too, Finnick?”

“Yeah. We’ll be right back, (Y/n).”

“Sure.” You nod.

As soon as they turn their backs to you, you’re blinking away the tears that’re building in your eyes. You won’t cry over Finnick. You haven’t before, and you’re not going to start now. It’s not worth it. You two are just friends.

You rub the corner of your eye with your fingers, feeling the tears leak out. You grit your teeth, forcing yourself to take deep breaths. You think you recognize Annie now—she only shows up once a year, and it’s at the reaping. She’s the one that won a couple of years ago.

Finnick’s dating Annie Cresta, and how he neglected to let you in on that is beyond you.

You stand up from the table, heading toward the bathroom in the back. It’s single-stall only, so you know neither of them will be able to follow you. On the way, you pause long enough to let them know that you’ll be right back, that you have something in your eye.

The moment that the door swings shut behind you, the tears you’ve been battling win the fight.

[numinously-yours]

Messages from a pet

I've felt like a bad cat mom lately because I've had to manage my time differently and spend a little less with my kitty. I've also introduced my partner's dog into the mix and feel bad that Robbie (my cat) hides in the room when the dog is over. So, last night I did my own reading to see Robbie's perspective on everything happening. After I did that, I thought it'd be nice to do a reading here! A couple turned out to be more advice from your pet, but I think those that came out that way still feel like messages from them :)

Pick the photo that resonates with you most and let me know in the comments your thoughts!

The pet you’re thinking of is 100% a part of your spiritual team, group one. The messages are very insightful and come from a proud energy. Your pile called me to look at chakras for one of the first times and how they relate to tarot suits. Swords relate to the Solar Plexus, Wands relate to the Sacral chakra, and The World relates to the Crown chakra. All three of these chakras, and all three of your cards, refer to personal journeys. The Crown chakra especially is also a very spiritual chakra which is why I believe your pet is on your team. You are either starting a new journey or are about to make it past the hardest part of your current journey. Your pet wants you to how proud they are of you! In times that you doubt your abilities or your place in life, they want to encourage you to look at how far you’ve come. As you reflect, make note of all the strides you’ve made. Also acknowledge the downfalls. This isn’t to remind you that you’ve failed BUT to help you understand what happened so that you can adjust your methods as you need to. As a 3D member of your spirit team, your pet wants you to know that everyone fails, but it doesn’t make you a failure. It only gives you opportunity to become better.

Hi there, twos. Right off the bat, I want to mention that your pet may be a rescue animal and/or the first pet you’ve had on your own. This pet wants you to know you’re doing a great job as a pet parent! They are really content with you and they’re so happy to be at their forever home. They know that you likely didn’t expect the learning curve that they posed, and that there was a rough start to your lives together, but are thankful that you stuck with them. Not only did you help them learn to be a good/well behaved pet, but they can tell how much you’ve learned about being a pet owner. You both also found the unconditional love that you’ve needed. Your pet trusts you and knows they are safe. You love your pet and are starting to believe (actually believe) they’re the companion you have been waiting for. Both of you can rest easy knowing you have each other.

Practicing patience can be hard, group three, but your pet wants you to know you’ll make it through the wait. I am picking up a situation about a new relationship or the yearning for one. Your furry (or scaley) friend has been by your side as you’ve dealt with heartbreak in the past. Now, as you’re looking ahead to your future you are optimistic, but you’re anxious at the same time. You want to know what is going to happen because something HAS to happen, right? Sometimes your optimism feels too good to be true and then you revert to the polar opposite and start thinking it’s NEVER going to happen. Your pet feels your internal struggle (like pet empathy lol) and wants to remind you to take your time. Just as they live their lives by the minute, just going with the flow, they want you to do the same. Slow but steady wins the race, they say. (Okay, this is the second time I pictured a turtle in this reading, I really hope some of you have one!). Investing in yourself, your interests, YOUR greater good is going to bring the long term success you’re looking for – including in relationships. By taking things slow, you have more time to reflect on your needs. By reflecting on your own needs, you can home in on what you really want and need from a relationship. And by homing in on this, your setting yourself up for sustainable success in the future.

[scarfacemarston]

On Annabelle from that one anon (sorry for this being long!): In some way, I'm not sure how Annabelle was in life truly matters much—I think she is simply a mysterious, feminine vehicle for us to attribute Dutch's falling with women from thereon out. Is it possible that he is entirely fueling himself for some narcissistic delusion of grandeur and simply uses everyone as opposed to truly "loving them", being emotionally incapable of doing so? Possibly, but I'm of the belief that Dutch did truly experience all of those emotions, that it wasn't some subconscious form of manipulation—the cruelest reality of all is the fact that his manipulations are done because he is so strongly swept up in his beliefs and principles and presentation to the rest of the Gang.

What I find most curious, though, is whatever it was that seems to have split Annabelle from the category of love interests Molly and Mary-Beth share as an older gentleman chasing nubility. There's a point in the game after dealing with Colm where he is sharing a conversation with Arthur; he says he feels can finally say goodbye to Annabelle in it.

Not all of his efforts in love end as monstrously as his and Molly's—it's implied that he and Susan shared a previous relationship but for the majority of the game, they are otherwise very amicable. She is even in a position of power, being in charge of all the women in the gang. What makes her such a different case in comparison to Molly and Mary-Beth? Because Susan was also fairly young when she and Dutch would've dated. I suspect that his degrading relationship and constant wants to chase another woman to coincide with his downfall overall later in the game as quite literally goes insane. Whether it's chasing the ghosts of a better past, or seeking comfort in scraps of what you wish you could feel and see again without the threat of bloodshed—innocence, happiness, romance. Unconditional affections.

This is very interesting! I think that is certianly one interpretation, but I think going down the route you're thinking of, it could apply to multiple rdr women. I was thinking perhaps Eliza as well, but that's more for complexity. I have heard many many times of men dating younger women as they get older. Some people may call that an evolutionary thing, IDK. However, you're completely right! I agree with you about Susan and Dutch having an amicable end to their relationship, but I don't know if that was because she was young. Both of them were young. I was under the impression, and I could be wrong, that Susan was WAY before Anabelle, which would make a difference as well. Overall, I do think the writers are vague as you said, just as they are mostly vague about the Black Water Massacre.

[world-cinema-research]

A Women Under the Influence-Yanissa Agbigay

A women under the influence is a 1974 film that is about a women named Mabel Longhetti. Mabel is a person who tends to feel lonely and seeks to find some sort of happiness in her life. She is also married to Nick who is a Los Angeles municipal construction worker. This causes her to act certain ways around her husband and her three kids. It eventually starts to be concerning to Nick and thinks that Mabel is a potential threat to her family. His solution is to commit Mabel to an institution for six months, leaving him to deal with the kids on his own.

The film had a starting budget of one million dollars which was made back in its first opening days and was able to be used as profit. They also had two releases which was internationally,making $16,626 and worldwide making roughly the same amount.

The film reviews is a mix of both good and bad. When it was first released, there were many people who said in their reviews that the film is a bit misleading and controversial, especially as the character Mabel is so called crazy. As of the most recent reviews, viewers are now more loving of the movie and comment saying that this film is legendary and one of John Cassavetes best films yet, others would also agree.

Some historical events that had happened in the year of 1974 was when President Nixon was the first president to resign on August 8, 1974. From the start, Nixon wasn’t a very popular president but when the Watergate Scandal came to light, all the more it began his downfall. The Watergate scandal is just another example of why people are more skeptical about politics and less trusting of our government. This had been used to cover up Nixon’s involvement in a break-in that happened at the Watergate headquarters, in Washington, DC. Within the same year, President Gerald Ford, who is also known as the 38th president, gives Nixon an unconditional pardon or also known as giving him forgiveness. Ford was also an unpopular figure and out of the two’s presidencies, Ford still had a shorter run. Ford’s controversial act to pardon Nixon for what he may or may not have done, ultimately ended him in politics.

Yes, people did not trust in this movie to be successful but as of today, they’d say otherwise. At first no one wanted to finance the film and there were many changes that had been made. For instance, Cassavetes intended to have A Women Under the Influence as a play. The women who played Mabel, Gena Rowlands, found it too intense to be performing it every night with it being a potential problem to her mentally. The movie also received two academy award nominations for the best actress and best director. Though they didn't win, Rowlands's performance as a housewife having a nervous breakdown is still regarded as a master class in acting.

I too would have to agree that this movie is quite successful and I enjoyed the plot and how everything worked out in the end. In the end, I find this movie to be unconventional because though the acting was on point and the director did a well done job, some other viewers still will and did find the film controversial and can mislead viewers from what the main purpose of the film is.

[gffa]

THIS IS EVERY INSTANCE WHERE THE JEDI TALK ABOUT ATTACHMENT IN THE MOVIES AND TV SERIES, which paint a very clear, consistent picture of just what attachment meants within the Jedi Order and Star Wars itself. It’s about how attachment isn’t the same thing as love or connection or feelings, but specifically about the inability to let go of someone when its time, that the fear of their loss is so great you would give up a thousand lives to save just the one because you cannot live without them, because you are afraid. George Lucas has been very consistently, explicitly clear about this as well, that attachment is always tied possession, fear, greed, the desire to control people, the dark side, and the inability to accept that life is transitory, that you can’t hold on to people, you can’t keep them, you can’t possess them.  Attachment is fear, greed, the willingness to make a deal with the devil to save one person, no matter how many other lives it costs.  But, setting aside word of god commentary, the above is still the way the term is used within the text itself. That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult!  Feelings are complicated, messy things and it’s not that any personal desire is attachment, it’s not that moments of fear are the same as attachment, it’s the willingness to act on those feelings in ways that get a lot of people hurt, it’s about using the Force for selfish desires, because the Force is your emotions, if you do something for a selfish reason, if you do something based on fear, that is a step towards the dark side. Context for each of the scenes: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones:      “Attachment is forbidden.  Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life.”      Anakin is explaining basic Jedi worldbuilding to Padme and the audience, he directly ties attachment to possession (as Lucas says, this is about wanting to possess a person: “[Jedi Knights] do not grow attachments, because attachment is a path to the dark side. You can love people, but you can’t want to possess them.“), instead explaining to her that compassion is central to their lives. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Downfall of a Droid”:     “I could take a squad out there, track him down.” "Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi."      The context of this scene is that Anakin is willing to not only put his own life on the line, but that he would put the clones’ lives and Ahsoka’s life on the line, in the middle of a war where they’re facing a weapon that is killing them in droves, to go find his droid.  This is the only time that Obi-Wan objects to Anakin’s affection for the droid throughout the entire series, when it’s about risking others’ lives to save Anakin’s favorite droid.  Any other time Anakin favors Artoo, Obi-Wan just reacts with fond annoyance. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Jedi Crash”:      "I can still sense your worry for Anakin, your attachment to him." "It's just... I get so confused sometimes. It's forbidden for Jedi to form attachments, yet we are supposed to be compassionate." "It is nothing to be ashamed of, Ahsoka. I went through the same process when I was your age with my own master."      "You were right all along, Master Secura." "About what?" "If I had stayed with Anakin, we probably wouldn't have found this village in time to save him."      The context here is that Ahsoka’s desire to stay with Anakin would have potentially cost all of them their lives, because she couldn’t do anything more for him other than worry over him, but they needed to find help because he was going to die without it.  Ahsoka’s desire to be compassionate to her master is conflicting with her duty to help in a way that takes her away from him, and this is something young Jedi have to find the balance of, and that’s what the show is explaining to the audience.      It’s not always an easy path to find, sometimes Jedi are going to struggle with it, but Aayla was right and Ahsoka understands that at the end, along with the audience, that staying with him out of Ahsoka’s personal desire to do so against her duty to go get help, would have cost Anakin his life. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Brain Invaders”:     “Ahsoka, it's your duty to save as many lives as you can. Barriss knew you could save thousands if the worms were destroyed. Which she thought meant destroying her, too. But you did the right thing. You knew the freezing cold would kill the worms. Letting go of our attachments is a difficult struggle for all of us.“      Barriss posed a very explicit danger to anyone she would come across, just as the clones had infected other clones and then Barriss herself, she would go on to do the same.  While Ahsoka found a way around it this time, the conflict here is that Ahsoka was weighing her personal desire to not have her friend die versus the thousands of people her friend might go on to hurt.  Attachment isn’t just that Ahsoka cared about Barriss, but that conflict of saving her life at the cost of others’ lives, because Ahsoka herself wanted it, because she was afraid to live without her friend.      The opening title card quote for this episode is, “Attachment is not compassion.” Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Voyage of Temptation”:     "My duty as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere." "Demanded? But it's obvious you had feelings for her.  Surely that would affect your decision." "It did.  I live by the Jedi Code." "Of course.  As Master Yoda says: 'A Jedi must not form attachments.'"      Letting go of attachments isn’t easy, there’s sadness and remorse in it often times!  But the scene here is once again that Obi-Wan is telling Anakin that his duty asked him to be elsewhere and that’s when the conflict between his desire to stay for his own reasons and his duty as a Jedi made it an issue.  Up to that point, we’re given no indication that it was any kind of issue (and in a later episode we’re told romantic feelings are natural according to the Jedi, they’re not forbidden), we see Jedi caring deeply about their friends and Masters and Padawans, it’s only when they’re willing to abandon their duty to save lives, the lives that are depending on them, that it becomes an issue.      Had Obi-Wan been willing to let those people’s lives be in danger because he personally was unwilling to give up being with Satine, then that is what the problem would have been. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "The Rise of Clovis”:    "You’ve met Satine. You know I once harbored feelings for her. It’s not that we’re not allowed to have these feelings.  It’s natural."     In this scene, it’s just after Anakin has beaten the crap out of Rush Clovis because he saw him kissing Padme and lost control, that it wasn’t about defending Padme, it was about his jealousy, even after the dust settles, he still believes she has feelings for Clovis.  Anakin’s inability to trust her and his possessive jealousy are at a boiling point, he is unable to see her clearly, he is sliding into fearful, angry possession of her, which is when Obi-Wan comes to talk to him.      In contrast, in “A Distant Echo”, Obi-Wan makes it clear he knows about Anakin and Padme, (”I hope you at least told Padme I said hello.”) but there’s no conversation about getting himself under control because Anakin is no longer at a boiling point with his feelings.      The Jedi don’t forbid feelings, not even romantic feelings, while they do forbid attachment.  They cannot be the same thing.  (Though, they do say you can’t be in a committed relationship and be a Jedi, but that’s not the same thing.) Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Front Runners”:     “Ahsoka, remember what I told you about staying focused.” “I can't help it, Master.” “I understand.” “You do?” “I do. But try to remember, always put purpose ahead of your feelings.“      This instance doesn’t directly mention the word attachment, but it’s same the context--Anakin’s advice is in line with everything else we see in the series, that it’s not that Ahsoka’s feelings are an issue, but that she can’t let them cloud her judgement, because the people of Onderon’s lives are on the line here.      It’s the same as how Obi-Wan’s feelings for Satine weren’t an issue until there was a conflict with his duty, just as Anakin’s feelings for Padme in Attack of the Clones weren’t an issue, Obi-Wan saw them quite clearly, until they were in conflict with Anakin’s duty. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "The Jedi Who Knew Too Much”:     “Every time I think about this, I feel conflicted. It's hard not to let feelings turn into attachment and pain.“      In this scene is that, with so many Jedi dying and the war being so hard on them, there’s a lot of fear and anger that they have to let go of, that Ahsoka and Barriss are coming back from a funeral for several Jedi and it’s a painful moment.  Ahsoka compares it to the Brain Invaders storyline, “Like, when we were stuck inside the battle tank on Geonosis, it was hard not to be afraid. Still, you and I got past it. And I guess we'll get past this.”      The concept of attachment is again directly tied to fear and pain and suffering, that the solution (the one Anakin teaches her, that Ahsoka says he would say, “Our struggle as Jedi is to move past [these feelings of anger and fear].“) is to let go of them, to move past them--which is something Lucas has said multiple times is the theme of his movies.      "[The Jedi] trained more than anything else to understand the transitional nature of life, that things are constantly changing and you can’t hold on to anything. You can love things but you can’t be attached to them, You must be willing to let the flow of life and the flow of the Force move through your life, move through you. So that you can be compassionate and loving and caring, but not be possessive and grabbing and holding on to things and trying to keep things the way they are. Letting go is the central theme of the film.“ --George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005       “The key to the dark side is fear. You must be clean of fear, and fear of loss is the greatest fear. If you’re set up for fear of loss, you will do anything to keep that loss from happening, and you’re going to end up in the dark side. That’s the basic premise of Star Wars and the Jedi, and how it works.“ --George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005 Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith:      “Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is.“     This is a scene where Anakin has become so afraid of losing Padme that he’s starting to go off the deep end about it, he’s butting up against his willingness to make a deal with the devil to save her from something he doesn’t even know for sure is going to happen.  The story of Revenge of the Sith is that Anakin is so afraid to lose her that he will murder not just the adult Jedi and help Sidious create an Empire, but he will murder literal toddlers to save the person he wants to save.  It is the very definition of attachment, of greed and fear. The above are every time that “attachment” is mentioned by a Jedi in the movies and the TV series, this is the entire context for what it means to the Jedi and to Star Wars.  Does the term have other meanings in popular lexicon?  Sure, but this one is closer to the Buddhist meaning and the way the characters speak of it, the context of their scenes and when they talk about it, the events that surround it, are all consistent with that attachment means a specific thing, that it’s synonymous with the fear of losing someone, so intense that you’re willing to sacrifice a thousand lives just to hold onto the one person. Attachment isn’t just harmful for the person who can’t let go, it’s something that costs thousands of people their lives.  And the Jedi only bring it up in that context, when it’s about the conflict of their personal desires against people who are depending on them, we see that otherwise personal desires and relationships aren’t commented on.  It’s only when a Jedi is willing to let people get hurt for their own desires that the Jedi talk about attachment.

[michelleleewise]

True Love Lost..

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warnings: mentions of character death, mind control, crying, grief, hurt, angst, angst to fluff

Summary: you finally wake, but not where you think.....

Part five- (final)-

(fylkingr on insta-Path to Yggdrasil *photo credit*)

You opened your eyes with a gasp as you shot up holding your chest. You took a few deep breaths looking around. "Where am i?" You asked yourself seeing an enormous tree in the distance. This definitely wasn't Asgard, or earth. You stood up, brushing yourself off "i don't think we're in Kansas anymore." You whispered slowly walking forward. "Hello y/n." You heard behind you, turning quickly to see a tall slender woman in a long flowing golden gown. "W..who are you?" You asked stepping back. "That is if no consequence, walk with me." She said starting down a path towards the tree.

You stayed a few feet behind her, watching her long golden hair flowing in the wind. "I have heard much about you recently y/n." She said turning to you. "Oh....from who?" You asked watching her. "Someone has been praying over you, now two are. You are very important to them." She smiled continuing down the path. "Who is them?" You asked but she remained silent. You came to stand at the base of the tree, looking up to see how truly large it was when it hit you "am i..." you started "Yes y/n, you are." She said turning towards you. "But, there may be hope still." She said smiling.

"I am Urðr, i am the goddess of what you call fate." She said "and you my dear mortal, are full of surprises." She said smiling "w..what do you mean?" You asked "your relationship, with the Trickster God, was not part of either of your fates, you diverged from your written path." She said linking her hands together. "And in doing such, you have rewritten his fate, as well as your own, in all my years I have never witnessed such a thing." She said. "Well, I'm dead now so.." you started "Oh, but my dear you walk the line between life and death, while your heart has stilled your soul remains." She explained. "It seems my dear frigga has found a way to keep you tethered to your mortal body." She said.

"I have watched the fate of your God Loki before he met you, and it was bleak, he never found what he needed." She said looking at the tree "what did he need?" You asked "unconditional love,acceptance, understanding. The lack if these things led to his downfall." She explained. "After much discussion with my sisters, we have decided to send you back." She smiled walking towards you. "But Loki, he doesn't.." you started "with your sacrifice my dear his mind is once again his, he will remember you." She smiled placed a hand on your chest "and tell Figga....I'm impressed." She smiled closing her eyes, looking down seeing her hand glow.

Your eyes shot open, quickly sitting up looking around "be careful y/n, you are still weak." You heard, your eyes shooting to Frigga. "Am...am I here? Is this real?" You asked feeling your arms and chest. "Yes dear, you've made it back to us." She smiled grabbing your hand "and Loki? Is he.." you started "He is...well his mind is free." She said looking down. "Where is he? I need to see him" you started to get up as your knees buckled "y/n, you've been dead nearly two days, lie back down." She said helping you back to the bed. "Thor and your sister are with him, I will tell him you have woken." She smiled pulling the blankets back up.

She tuned to leave when you grabbed her hand "i..when I was..I met a woman, urd..i think, I can't remember, anyway she told me to tell you she's impressed." You said smiling. She looked at you wide eyed "You went to Yggdrasil?" She asked "I don't know, there was a very large tree, anyway she said I changed mine and Loki's fate." You explained to her. "I always knew you were special." She smiled getting up heading to the door "I will see what I can do to help you both." She smiled as she left. You sat back against the headboard closing your eyes when you heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." You said sitting up seeing Loki slowly poke his head in. "Y/n, may I come in?" He asked "of course, come here." You smiled as he slowly closed the door behind him, walking towards the bed with his hands behind his back. "Y/n, I..." he stared when you held your arms out "hold me....please." You said shakely. He rushed forward kneeling in the bed pulling you into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He sobbed into your neck. "No, it's ok. I know it wasn't you." You said squeezing him tighter. "B..but i.." He started when you pulled back looking at him, wiping the tears from his cheeks "Loki, it's ok. We're ok." You whispered cupping his cheek.

You leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips smiling at him. "Y/n, I read your letter." He said grabbing your hands. "And i want to you to know no one could ever replace you. Your are my everything. I want to make you my wife, I want you to be the mother of my children, I only want you." He said looking into your eyes. "Loki, I would love nothing more." You said. You watched him reach into his pocket pulling out your ring "I understand it is going to take time to move on from this, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and become my wife." He said holding the ring out. "Loki, it was yes then, its yes now, and it will always be yes." You smiled.

He smiled, slipping the ring on your finger. "There, back where it belongs." He sighed looking up at you, seeing the bags under your eyes and you skin pale. "You should rest, it's been a long few days." He said starting to get up. "Stay with me, please" You said grabbing his arm. "Ok, scoot over love." He said as you moved to the middle of the bed he climbed in next to you. You rolled to your side, latching onto him burying your face in his neck, wrapping your arm around his middle. "I missed you." You breathed into his neck closing your eyes, feeling him wrap his arm around your back puliing you into him. "I missed you too love." He whispered kissing the top of your head, rubbing his hand up your arm.

"I love you Loki Laufeyson." You breathed feeling yourself drift off. "I love you too y/n, more then life itself." He whispered holding you tighter. He was going to spend the rest of your lives making it up to you. He heard a knock on the door when he looked over seeing Frigga slip in. "I just wanted to check on her." She said sitting in the chair next to the bed. "She's ok, I made her rest." He said "yes, she's as stubborn as you are." She said laughing. "Loki, did you two speak? Is everything ok?" She asked "yes, everything is well." He said looking down at you.

"I have spoken with Odin, after I told him everything he has agreed to grant her a longer life." She whispered as Loki's eyes widened "he..he did? Why?" He asked "Loki, she met Urðr, she saw Yggdrasil. She has altered the fates themselves, she is special. " She said smiling. "I'll let you rest. When she is better we will meet with Odin." She said getting up. "Thank you mother, for everything." He said as she nodded leaving the room. He reached up brushing your hair from your face kissing your forehead. "Now we will have eternity my love." He smiled closing his eyes.

And he was going to spend everyday reminding you how special you are....

💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚

@vbecker10 @lokisgoodgirl @holdmytesseract @el-zef @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @123forgottherest @lovebyloki @javagirl328 @loopsisloops @high-functioning-lokipath @immersed-in-mischief @chantsdemarins @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @midnights-ramblings @slpnbty2001 @angelaf1978 @sinsandguilt @usagishira @xorpsbane @lokifriggadottir365 @your-taste-on-my-lips @asgardianprincess1050 @cakesandtom @agentandreastark @sekaishell @dukes2581 @aniar4wniak @spork-fighter @stupidthoughtsinwriting @d1a2n389 @hypergamer7744 @buttercupbestie @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lokiprompts @daggers-and-mischief @lucylaufeyson3 @kats72 @mochie85 @commanding-officer @lokis-coffee221 @huntress-artemiss @limiworld @lulubelle814 @idfkgabby @glitterylokislut @highkeysimpingforloki @myworldgoesboomz @lonadane @budugu @cloud-of-daisies

[mostlikelytofangirl]

I've noticed some similarities between xiyao and ruoyao in terms of dynamics, like the open respect to jgy. As someone who likes both, you think there really are things that overlap there? If so, what would be the main difference?

Well anon, I most certainly see what you mean!

I think that with both ships, the fact that they are the ones who show the most unconditional respect and support towards MY/JGY is certainly a thing they have in common.

The fun part comes when you notice they are pretty much opposite sides of the same coin in this regard.

First there's xiyao, which we are all familiar with. LXC is the one to constantly stand by JGY and rush to his defense if needed, even gave him the benefit of the doubt until hard irrefutable evidence was provided. LXC believed in JGY's goodness despite what the entire world claimed, but the thing is that... eventually he couldn't, because there were parts of JGY that he didn't know. As much as he loved his A-Yao, his A-Yao was never truly honest and fully himself with him.

Now I totally believe this resulted from JGY's want to keep at least this part of his life untained by the crimes he committed, knowing perfectly well that he would lose LXC's love if he was ever to discover those. Not as part of an evil manipulative scheme, but well, the very human need to be loved and fearing judgment for things we know we did wrong.

So in the end, LXC cared about the "good" side of JGY because he didn't see the other one or believed there was legit solid reason for it.

Now ruoyao. There's definitely not as much canon material as xiyao, but what we have is telling enough imo. MY had a very important and high rank in the Wen sect, very close to WRH himself, which, given what we saw of WRH, could only mean that he held MY in very high regard. Up until that point in MY's life (and later on too lbr), no one had shown him such open respect and consideration that actually impacted how the world treated him AND that included MY's... less flattering qualities.

MY's resourcefulness, cunning and cleverness were things society condemned: how he copied techniques, how he schemed, how he tricked his way to the top. Spy mission aside, WRH was the only one to ever reward him for the tools and abilities he had cultivated instead of insisting he did things this or that way to appeal to sensibilities of others. He was the only person ever to tell MY that ambition was okay and he actively encouraged him down that path (even if we all can agree that it would have led to a much darker place than canon). He just failed to account for the goodness MY also had and it was eventually his downfall.

WRH saw the "bad" side of MY and saw all the potential he deemed desirable and praise-worthy, contrary to what the rest of the world said.

So I don't think these ships so much overlap as they are mostly two extremes of the same "fully supportive of MY/JGY" spectrum. One that didn't acknowledge the negative side until it was too late, and the other that was fine with sacrificing the positive side and it led to underestimating it.

Or, in simpler terms:

[aella-targaryen]

I guess for me it depends on the context of how he calls her “weak” by frustration but idk if I still like it. I think the writers were trying to make a parallel with him calling viserys weak. I’m just mostly nervous because this is the last episode before season 2 and who knows if the writers are going to mess it up with mysaria or even nettles. Ryan doesn’t seem to like them either with the way he said daemon abused rhaenrya and it’s shapes her to how she is so I wouldn’t be surprised if he ruins the relationship moving forward. Also apparently they don’t talk about it afterwards according to the leaks which is weird in my opinion and how he doesn’t apologize. I’m sure we’ll get the context of why he wants to go to war in the scene but idk… I can’t help but be nervous cus this could be the downfall of their relationship. Who knows if we’ll get any touching moments anymore

DAEMON AND THE ABSOLUTE LOVE.

Well, there is a possibility that their romantic relationship will end, yes.

Which would be stupid considering that Daemyra is the best couple ever created in the entire GOT universe.

And yet one thing I've learned from Daemon is that: Once he loves someone, he loves that person forever. Just like he did with Viserys.

The more I analyze Daemon the more I am convinced that the fundation of his emotions is not romantic love, the fundation of his emotions is absolute love. That kind of love that exists only for itself, regardless of any relationship and appreciates all aspects of the people Its directed to. Daemon will always be what Rhaenyra needs: her husband, her lover, the father of her children, her consort, her family, her soldier, her uncle, or her warrior. She just has to ask him honestly and if he opposes her wishes I think he will be to protect her or their family.

His romantic feelings for Rhaenyra are only the effect and not the cause of his absolute love for her. Daemon will never stop loving Rhaenyra no matter what happens and whatever she does.

We have all been somehow contaminated with Disney fantasies and children's fairy tales where the prince always has to profess his love with dramatic speeches, kisses or sexual acts and emotional talks of apology if he offends his delicate princess.

But we usually forget that those things are not the only ones that show that a person truly loves us.

Still, unfortunately we always hurt those we absolutely love, sometimes in irreparable ways that cause us to take differents ways . And that's fine. We should never stay close to someone who hurts us. But but we can always love someone from the distance, even if we never see them again but, if our hearts allow it, we can always love someone who has hurt us.

Honestly, at the moment, romance is the last thing I care about Daemyra. Yes, I enjoy it. But I can also enjoy true and unconditional love stories even if there is no romance involved.

I understand that there are many who do not like that idea. So don't feel bad if the course of their story disappoints you. Trust me, I have experienced the same situation and the truth is that no one has ever died for disappointment. It is better not to take things so seriously, after all it is only a television series. I am sure that at some point you will find a couple in fiction that you completely like.

And i don't think Daemon will ever apologize in words for his actions. He seems more like the kind of person who apologizes only through his actions.

He never told Viserys "I'm sorry"

And for that reason his relationship with his brother was "ruined" ?

[shitpostingkats]

Kazuma and Ryunosuke, and an analysis of their endings

This is a rudimentary ramble of my thoughts on the games, and its opinion of unconditional love. Working on incorporating it into a longer essay examining the whole cast, but for now, I just have a lot of Thoughts about the bois and I need to share them. Massive spoilers for the Great Ace Attorney Chronicles.

Some people don’t like the ending of TGAA. 

And like, that’s fair, it’s a pretty bittersweet final scene that leaves the series with room to return to these characters, it’s not as conclusive as you’d think it would be, and it’s certainly a gutpunch. But people who say it’s a cheap ending, a cop out???? Dude, this is not some “let’s separate the gays out of cowardice and drama.” This is the culmination of their respective CHARACTER ARCS, and it’s well plotted and like nothing I had ever seen.

Kazuma doesn’t return to Japan. More importantly (to the fans), he doesn’t go home with Ryunosuke, and chooses to separate himself from his partner. That’s a HUGE move, and a bold one, but it isn’t throwing his character in the wastebasket. Kazuma chooses to separate himself from Ryunosuke, because, quite simply, they cannot heal when the other is present. 

Kazuma is all about accountability. Who is to blame for my fathers death? Who can I punish? Who is responsible? The ultimate downfall of this is, while pursuing vengeance, he fails to take accountability for his own actions; he sends his sister and father into meaningless grief, he pursues an innocent man and tries to get him killed, he does a number of dark deeds with an ‘ends justify the means’ approach. And he ends up foisting his hopes, his goals, and his accountability, onto Ryunosuke. Ryunosuke, who’s literally introduced taking charge of the situation while woefully unprepared to keep Kazuma from consequences. 

That first trial speaks volumes to their dynamic. Kazuma, who loves his partner to the point of throwing away his dreams, and Ryunosuke, who loves in return enough to stand up and refuse to let him do it. That’s a beautiful, charming, working relationship. But here’s the thing. It’s not an equal relationship. Kazuma is working with more cards than Ryunosuke. He knows that a trip to Britain isn’t just about his studies, it's possible closure to his greatest trauma. He knows this is possibly more than a random murder, and he knows, knows, that they wouldn’t be able to make the culprit accountable. Kazuma keeps things from his partner. He hides and lies and redirects focus. Not selfishly, shockingly, but to protect Ryunosuke. He does actually love him, so much, that Ryunosuke can not be pulled into this. And in return, he gets to pretend to be his best self around his partner, laughing and being down to earth, instead of his usual mess of anger issues. He relies on his partnership with Ryunosuke, as one safe harbor he can always count on. 

And Ryunosuke, in turn, gets to love and be loved, and to be that sole confidant for someone. 

Actually, let’s talk about my other boi for a minute.

Ryunosuke loves Kazuma. He never presses, because he knows that makes Kazuma uncomfortable. And he never sets boundaries because, honestly, with Kazuma holding all the information from him, he doesn’t know that he should. They’re both trying their best, and that’s the wonderful tragedy of it all.

So Ryunosuke ends up doing a bit more than his share of the emotional labor, and that’s alright, he seems just to be a touch more empathetic than Kazuma, except then Kazuma dies. And suddenly, he’s juggling the guilt of having let his partner get murdered, of the fact that Kazuma chose him, and the emotional roller coaster that is getting a sister who you never got to know, who’s grieving in her own way and you don’t know how to talk about it, the fact that he’s accused of killing Kazuma, and in his mind, in a roundabout way, he did. And on top of that he has to, ya know. Actually process his best friend dying.

So he takes on more of that emotional workload, of accountability. He takes on Kazuma’s sword and his training and his title, working as hard as he can to make it up to Kazuma, to fill his role, but knowing, deep down, that he never will.

Ryunosuke has pretty blatant imposter syndrome. He goes through almost the whole game feeling like a replacement for Kazuma, someone not supposed to be here, but is. It’s not until he starts to find his feet that he realizes he actually wants to be a lawyer. That he’s good at it, and he likes fighting for truth.

 (Interestingly, Ryunosuke’s motives for pursuing law are notably different than that of Kazuma’s. Kazuma lays down the law in the name of JUSTICE, Ryunosuke pursues TRUST. A whole other topic, but fascinating that both their primary focuses in law are the things they came to England hoping to find.)

But as he starts to fill out his role, he still feels stifled by the fact that he’ll never be the real thing. That he’ll never be Kazuma. Because Kazuma is dead.

Then Kazuma isn’t dead. And Ryunosuke wants to fall back into their old status quo, maybe let some of that enormous personal strain off his chest. But even with his newfound growth, it’s still a gut instinct for him to take on the brunt of that accountability, especially when Kazuma seems so disinterested in it. The problem is, this time, Kazuma’s actions have much, much larger consequences.

And he watches his partner deteriorate until he finally puts it all together enough to voice his concerns.

“Is this why you brought me here? So I could see you like this?”

God. What a fucking brutal line. The larger conversation is Ryunosuke basically accusing Kazuma of bringing him to England for the express purpose of acting as his defense attorney when Kazuma inevitably got arrested. (Which I maintain, I don’t think was his plan.) But that line. Well, it essentially boils it all right down, doesn’t it? That Kazuma had this hidden side of himself that he couldn’t show Ryunosuke, until it was too late. That Kazuma really does rely on Ryunosuke for emotional accountability, to have someone in his corner when the whole world’s against him, even when Kazuma’s in the wrong. That Kazuma failed to consider Ryunosuke’s wants, Ryunosuke’s needs, and Ryunosuke loved him enough to let him do that. They both have their blindness ripped away in that moment. For Kazuma, the fact that he’s been unfairly pressuring Ryunosuke to be his moral scapegoat. And for Ryunosuke, the realization that Kazuma is not, and never will be, a paragon. 

“I’m not doing this for you” 

AKA 

“I have found my ideals, and you’re welcome to find yours. Just don’t look to me for unconditional support.”

Like I said, I don’t besmirch either of them for their actions. And neither does the game. They were both just doing their best, caring about each other, in shit circumstances. That’s not a sin. But, they have managed to create a cycle, a system, where neither of them can properly heal when around the other. 

With Ryunosuke, he’s got newfound ambition and dreams, not pantomimed actions of trying to be someone he’s not, but actual drive. And that drive tells him to step out of Kazuma’s shadow, to build himself as something more than just Kazuma’s partner. And for Kazuma, he finally realizes the stress he’s been putting on Ryunosuke, the unfairness of their dynamic. They were viewing each other as paragons, and that made them unhealthily co-dependent, but now, they both have newfound goals. 

Ryunosuke chooses to be assertive, and Kazuma chooses to be accountable. 

Kazuma stays in London, to recover and right his wrongs, and Ryunosuke chooses to go home, to build something new. It’s fascinating to see how they parallel each other so beautifully, yet have their own arcs independent of one another, their own aspirations and relationships, that the choice to separate them at the ending of the game doesn’t just carry narrative weight: it's the final note of thematic resonance.

[husbandohunter]

Dottore with short drabble “You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.”

Something angsty pls? Thank you!

Tainted Glass [Dottore x Reader/Genshin Impact]

Synopsis: Can you escape the prison you made?

(A twisted Cinderella story. The girl was covered in cinders because she was fatally addicted to drowning in flames.)

Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, violence, death

(A/n): To be honest anon, I didn’t know what the word ‘drabble’ means until I googled it. I uh...hope you don’t mind the length :> 

-----------------------

You fell back against the cold hard floor with your arms bent and head turned sideways. The stinging pain spreads across your cheek. It burns. But your mind was still trying to register what had just came into fruition. 

Why?

The thought was so foreign somehow as if you could hardly believe he was doing this. But then the scene plays in your head again. You froze, your gaze enlarged and clueless while staring at the pale ground as it slowly begins to darken in the seeping movement of his menacing, haunting shadow. 

"Insolent woman, you wretch!" He spat in a disgusted tone, "How dare you speak to me in such demanding manner? Have I already told you, only talk when you have something important to say?"

You didn't respond, rather you merely let the strands fall in front of your vision as you gingerly pressed your hand against the place where he hit you. 

I…don't quite understand…

Dottore glowers down at your hunched form. He was never a man known for the virtue of patience. This man, the one who calls him your husband, you learned a long time ago to not meet his eyes as they would signal a hint of dominance amidst his authority, especially during moments like these. You came to feel his eyes instead, they were usually intense and full of wrath, sometimes crazed and curious while looking at his finest creations. He always loved experimenting in his labratory. After all, it was the only thing that could truly make the madman smile.

What is it that I'm missing? Where did I go wrong?

And you would do anything to obtain at least a fraction of the love he had left in his heart. 

He marches onward with heavy footsteps, paying no mind to your well-being, "Tch get out of my sight. I don't have the time to entertain with anymore these theatrics."

At the sound of him leaving you darted your attention towards him, "Wait, come back. Come back, " you plea softly, "Hector…" But he ignores your call. The back of your fiance disappears behind the door and slams it with a resounding thud. He was gone. You couldn't save him.

"No," As a result, you burried your face into your palms and cried.

“I'm sorry.”

…

What is love?

Being raised in one of the most prestigious bloodlines of Fontaine, a life filled with riches since your parents were well known scholars throughout Teyvat, they provided you and your family with everything you needed. From exquisite dishes to priceless jewelry, yet even among those riches you never did find an answer to your question. They were tangibles and short-lasting, eventually leaving you with nothing until the glass of your heart was filled empty. They seemed to have cared more about their fortune along with the brightest child of their family line, your brother, a male heir, someone who fulfilled their expectations where you couldn't do so. And because he was able to give them what they wanted, he was loved.

I see, love is conditional.

Realizing that you possessed no talent to achieve what your brother had accomplished, you came to accept that you were undeserving of their love. Love was for the smart. Love was for the gifted.  Love was for everything you are not. There was no place for your kind and thus you locked yourself up in your bedroom chambers along with your fragile heart where no one would try to find you, picking up the books upon the shelves and getting lost in their fantasies. 

They told you many beautiful things about the world and many reasons why it was so tragic. Because they weren't real. The story begins with a princess who was a kind-hearted soul, deprived from the care of her evil stepmother and dreams of marrying a prince from a land far far away. They often end on a happily ever after with the princes finding her one true love. You've never seen anything like it. Where two people, despite the struggles they went through, loved each other unconditionally.

Unconditional love only exists in dreams.

Or so you thought to believe.

One day a man marched right at the doorsteps of your mansion. He was a student coming all the way from Sumeru Academia and had high hopes of building a business partnership with your father. The man was declined of course, you watched from the garden bushes as he was sent off back into his carriage. He stops abruptly and turns his head ajar to catch your figure, his inquisitive eyes were both striking and sharp. Like thorns of a rose that was ready to prick anyone who dares to come close. Even so, they made a very lasting impression.

Red eyes.

It was the first time that someone had looked your way.

Couple of months later, the government had arranged a grand ball where all nobles would gather and commit to building their social circle. Useless events. There was no reason for you to engage. While your parents were occupied with the latest gossips and your brother surrounded by fathers who were eager to marry their daughters to him, you snuck outside to the balcony and hid away from the crowd. Quiet at last. And as things should be. The moon was your only friend because she was just like you; half empty. Maybe that was why you still had a glimmer of hope for the other half to be filled. 

Part white, you inquired, pristine and untainted. From far away it looked similar to snow. 

"My, how pleasantly surprising."

While the other part was stained with black cinders.

You glanced over your shoulder to see a man leaning against the pillar. His mint coloured bangs were slicked back in a trendy fashion, complimenting the white suit he adorned himself with. The golden chains hanging around his ebony boots dangled and clanged with each step he took forward until the light finally reveals his face.

"You seem familiar," you say while squinting your eyes, "Are you the person my father rejected back in February?"

He quirks one brow and you were afraid if you had offended him. But before you could utter an apology, the man splits his lips into a toothy grin and bursts out into a maniac-like laughter. He was completely insane, you thought to yourself. Though he paid no mind to your discomfort and continued to dwell in his amusement, "Hahaha straightforward, I like it! So what if I am? Is it a requirement to be a noble for me to simply have a chat?"

"And if I may ask why?"

"Hmmm, why?" The man reaches for the balcony and presses his back there. He threw his head backward before drilling his ruby gaze into yours, "I too am not fond of annoying crowds. Those snobbish fools thinking they're above everyone else just because they have a couple of mora when that is all they are worth. It's almost too hilarious for my own good."

You could tell there was disdain in his tone. Mainly towards your father who were one of the many unkind nobles of Fontaine and was only liked because of his success. Gripping your hands upon the stone railings, you looked down at the distant trees below while the wind rustled them apart, "I can't deny that," you say dissapointedly, "It's common for nobles not to associate with lower classes as it could potentially ruin their image. Though I may not have been there but I'm sure you had much to offer in terms of your brilliance, erm, Mister…?"

"Hector," Hector placed a palm on his chest with a polite bow following suit, "Hector Dufour-Lapointé. It is a pleasure to make you an acquaintance Lady (Y/n)."

"You know my name?"

"How could I not?" Hector smirks lazily as he danced around you, "I saw you before hiding behind the rose bushes back in your estate. Quite curious why you didn't attempt to say hello."

He even remembers that too. You fiddled with the fabric of your dress, "My apologies. I'm not use to socializing so much."

“Is that so? I think you're not giving yourself enough credit," he complimented while shrugging, "This is much more entertaining than hanging in that insufferably crowded room, it was an unexpected occurence to meet you here of all places. However, I must say time can fly if I'm able to enjoy myself."

You shifted away from his stare, "You flatter me. We've only been talking for a few minutes."

"I have yet to realize it then" Hector's cheerfulness remains at stance despite your gloomy response. He leans forward like a curious child and tosses you a question, "Then allow me to ask, what brings you out here Lady (Y/n)? I don't see any reason when your family are such highly respected people of Fontaine." 

"I'm not like them!" You retort instantly, causing the man to glance at you with skepticism, "I mean, I have nothing to do with them and they have nothing to do with me. That's just how it is. They already have Clement after all…"

Why am I telling him this?

"Ah your brother I assume. Yes so I've heard much about his genius mind. There were a few instances where he and I collaborated at Sumeru Academia," Hector speaks as if regarding to his unpleasant memories, "Although he never said anything about having a sister."

"We're not that close. And I'm not very fond of him," you confessed bluntly.

"Neither am I," Hector agreed with a scowl, "He claims his position using the knowledge derived from history books but never tries to think beyond the norm. That ignorant mindset of his will surely be his downfall one day."

"Ignorance can lead to anyone's downfall. If they turn a blind eye to the truth, so much can be taken from them," you paused shortly from rambling too much, "That's what I read in books at least."

"As expected of your lineage," he sighs whimsically, "Such avid readers."

"Well my family prefers documents and research. I've gone through them too but I will always love reading fiction."

"Ha! Seems you really are trying to be different from the rest of your family."

Seconds turn to minutes and minutes to hours, you had already forgotten about the cold breeze despite your dress being less than ideal for the outdoors. The man, although he can be a little to blathering at times, was more than what seemed to be on the surface. At first you thought of him as someone here to take advantage of your relations to your father but he seemed so sincere when listening to your stories, so eager while expressing his thoughts and even made you laugh a couple of times. You didn't realize that the clock had already struck twelve as the guests were preparing to leave but you just weren't ready to do the same.

"Until next time (Y/n)," he takes your fingers and pressed a kiss on top of them, though you were more struck by how he addressed you without honorifics, "I look forward to speaking with you again."

A warm smile graces your lips as you cursty, "Likewise Hector. Thank you for listening to me. I know I must have taken a long time."

Hector sneered but you already learned that it was simply his way of expressing amusement, "Hardly. I was thoroughly entertained."

When your parents found out about your meeting with him, they made it clear that you would never see him again. Hector Dufour-Lapointé is what he calls himself but the real name behind this man was Hector Valliere who came from a village hidden in the west of Fontaine. Rumours said that he was chased out of his hometown by an angry mob, claiming him to be a madman conducting unethical experiments on humans. Shortly after his arrival in Sumeru, he abandoned his past identity and replaced it with a new one in order to enter the academy under legal supervision. Associating with a man of a suspicious reputation would only cause harm to your family's name. Though you could barely care much about their reputation. There was nothing for you to benefit from it.

Few weeks have passed and you evetually gave up on the thought of hearing from Hector. They were only fleeting moments, nothing more. Your routine would stay the same as you kept on plucking more books off the shelves, killing whatever time you had. However the activities you used to enjoy somehow lost it's flair and there would be a slight pain in your chest whenever you turn to a page with the princess as she is surrounded by her friends. What exactly changed? Your family still treated you the same. Did you suddenly grow bored from doing the same thing everyday? Why is it that you feel much more lonelier despite being alone for so long? It was hard to tell in a singular perspective. If only there was someone here to give you some insights on things you couldn't see…

A silver bird lands by your front window and you nearly fell out of your chair as it flapped their wings violently. A machine?! They dropped what seems to be an envelope within the thick bushes before taking off and buzzing into the evening sky. You switched off the lock and lifted the glass within a single movement, snatching the piece of paper so that the wind wouldn't blow it away. Hastily you opened it. Both curious and cautious of why would anyone send you mail in such a discreet approach.

Chère Mademoiselle (Y/n),

I can only imagine the shock of your expression once reading this letter. I'm only writing to you since I assume that your father had already told you those nasty rumours about my past. No matter. I trust that you have a good head on your shoulders to not prejudge people using such miniscule details. I wish to speak with you again. Unless you have other plans staying in that stuffy room of yours, meet me behind the clock tower at 11:00 p.m. Don't be late.

Bien à vous,

H.

"It really is him!" The happiness spreads all across your features as you clutched the letter to your chest. For some reason, your heart wouldn't stop racing. It was a simple yet thoughful action on his part but despite how short his greeting was, every word held the weight of a thousand sparks, "I…I can't stop smiling."

And without hesitation, you prepared to leave. No one noticed your absence.

-------

It was only halfway where you realized that Hector didn't give many details redgarding why he planned this sudden event. You caught sight of him standing under the roofs with his hands hidden behind his back. He had on his signature lopsided grin, brows uneven as he glanced at you casually.

"How very punctual, were you so eager that you couldn't wait?" He teases.

"I was surprised when your bird knocked upon my window," you inform, "Is it something urgent?"

"Not at all. I merely wanted to catch up with old times," Hector tilts forward to emphasize his suggestion, "Care to indulge me for a bit?"

You crossed your arms, "Then what is it that you're hiding behind your back?"

"Hmm?" He hums, "You mean this?"

"Ah!"

Roses. A bouquet of bright red flowers were presented to you, nicely wrapped in fabric. In the language of Fontaine, recieving them could mean multiple of things and you couldn't help but feel hesitant despite his thoughtful gesture, "Why are you giving me this?"

"Is it so wrong for me to be a gentleman? I thought it would be best to prepare you a gift after you put all that effort to come out in such a late hour," Hector mused to himself, "Especially when you had to make sure no prying eyes would catch us."

You let out a small laugh before accepting the bouquet, "I wouldn't go as far to say that."

"Oh?" Although it was hard to see, Hector managed to catch a glimpse of your flushed cheeks hidden behind the flowers. A darken smirk climbs onto his face at the inviting thought of what it could mean, "Tell me more."

The whole night you both spent walking around the empty plaza with only the stars as your guide. They paved a silver path reflected in the horizon above, free flowing like one of the many watercolour paintings hung in your chambers, uncertain where they may lead but you followed them regardless. If it weren't for Hector's inivtation you might have never known about the parts of your city due to the restricted lifestyle you lived. He listened to every one of them. The stories you had to tell when there was no one for you to talk to and the complaints about your brother whenever he wanted to snitch on your actions just to get the praise out of your father. You expressed your frustrations when speaking about your incompetences, joy after reading a good fairytale book written by your favourite author, there was so much to say that you were worried if Hector soon grew tired from them.

"Go on. I'm listening."

And your heart flutters again. Suddenly everything felt so light with each step you took, it was as if you walked across the stars in the sky rather than the heavy pavement of the ground you called your home. But even if happiness was a bliss, it tormented you. Because companionship made you realize how poor your were all along. That you had everything yet you had nothing, slowly withering away like the roses you held in your hand. Convinced that your existence was worth nothing more than nothing itself. Doomed to be dismissed and forgotten. Rotting away...Hector stays by your side as you cried softly into the night.

From a distance the bell rings and echoes just like the time before during Fontaine's grand ball. Hector shows you a secret route so that no one could find you.

"Will you write to me again?"

The request was so innocent, purely from genuine intentions and devoided of anything he had in mind. Hector would always laugh in these situations when things have gone unexpectedly yet pleasingly his way but held back knowing that it would be foolish to waste such a priceless opportunity. And so he gave you his smile, one full of secrets where you had mistakened it as a promise, "Of course my dear."

Every night you could no longer fall asleep since he had occupied your thoughts completely. Sometimes you'd dream of him and their tales would unfold similarly to the ones you have read. It gone to the point where the maids would have to wake you up during late afternoons due to the dramatic change in your sleep schedule. Though, you didn't care what they did to you. As long as no one found out about your secret rendezvous.

You never thought that there'd be a day where you would voluntarily give up reading your beloved fairytales. They were now replaced by a stash of his letters that have been accumulated over the past few months. You read them each day, pacing back and forth within the walls of your room, whispering his sentences as if he were the one saying them to you. He made you feel special. You were addicted to this feeling. Eventually you managed to memorize his words by heart. 

The pages of your diary were filled with notes. Like your very own  fairytale carved into reality. From the rose petal, now dried, to the hairpin he snatched from a distracted merchant and a single strand of his hair you found within your cloak after a warm embrace, all of these items, a remnant of the man you loved were taped up in these pages. Sometimes you could even feel his prescence because it was all you needed. It didn't matter if Clement threw insults about how worthless your existence was, your parents could lock you in this prison if they wanted to but they shall never take away Hector from you. Never. You swear it. He was your whole world and the prince who saved you from a life made of aching emptiness. You would do anything to keep him by your side. Anything to gain his affection.

Anything.

"I had a feeling that you were the culprit dear sister."

Your arms stutters as they clutched tightly on the scrolls you took off from the shelves. The light crept into the room like arms reaching out to clutch around your ankles, warning you for trespassing. You turned around dreadfully to see Clement pressing his shoulder against the doorframe with his arms folded and a wicked expression aimed at your pitiful state.

"Why…Why are you still awake?" You say in disbelief, "I thought everyone was asleep."

"Please. Not only are you shameless but hypocritical as well. You truly are a dissapointment to our family."

"Wait," taking a step forward, you stopped him before he makes his exit, "I'll put them back. Just don't tell father about this."

But like your parents, your brother was unkind. Clement doubles over and hugs his torso, cackling through his teeth, "Is that how it is?" He swipes his arm up and you see a parchment paper held between his fingers. 

"No!"

"Ma chérie (Y/n). I must say all this tenacious effort of sneaking in my letters to your window is becoming more and more tiresome. But of course, you are an exception. I want the scrolls you've mentioned the other day at my lair tomorrow evening. Make sure no one discovers this. I'm counting on you. Cordialement! Hector."

"No…" you whispered, feeling the weight of the world fall upon your shoulders as it shattered apart. Hector. If possible, you hoped that the pieces could just crush you right then and there. Your knees felt weak and a fright takes over but despite your turmoil, Clement didn't show a shred of sympathy.

"So this is why you've been acting odd lately. Pathetic," he flaps the paper tauntingly in his grasp, "I can't decide if I should be impressed or baffled by your actions. A secret romance with a criminal and the bloodline of Fontaine's most respected government associates? Even though you've hit rock bottom, you still decided to dig deeper."

"Clement you don't understand!"  Stumbling upon your footsteps, you desperately tried to convey your predicament even if it meant feeding his ego, "Hector is not the man you think. He was shunned by the people of his hometown, treating him as if he were nothing. They…They ignored him! All this time he needed someone to recognize his brilliance, someone to understand." Shakily, you brought your tensed arms to your chest and screamed a silent whisper, "Someone to listen but no one did. He must have felt so alone…"

Clement flinches when you suddenly clutched onto his biceps. When he looked into your eyes, a shiver ran down his spine.

"Hector is counting on me. I'm the only one who can save him. No one else. He needs me Clement, he needs me!" 

"Tch."

An ear-splitting scream of his hand against your face echoes across the room. It knocked you out of your stance and you bumped into the table, grunting while the scrolls to tumbled to the floor.

"Crazy woman, I'm embarassed to be related to you!"

While you were still trying to regain your balance, your brother had already ran off. It wouldn't be long before he alerted your parents, the clock ticking away like sand until the final hour leaves you with nothing but an empty glass. 

"No," despair swallows the strength away from your legs and you crawled towards where he used to stand, "Don't take him away from me…I need him…"

I can't live without him.

I can't live without him.

I can't live without him.

Tears begin to form by the corners of your eyes as you clenched your teeth. This was no time to cry. Balling your fists, you sprinted out of the room, pushing whatever stood in your way as if you were running for your life. 

And if you considered everything else, it wasn't that far from the truth.

-------

"Hector! Hector are you there?" After arriving upon his house, you began knocking on his door aggressively. The lock clicks and you were greeted by an evidently annoyed man gnawing his teeth together.

"Tsk. There better be a good reason-"

"They're coming for us! We have to go. Now. Before it's too late. My father is probably already waking and making arrangements for you to-"

"Enough, I can't even catch what you're saying," He pinches the bridge of his nose while you were still stuck in a frenzy state. He takes a step back and opens the door wider, gesturing for you to come inside, "Get in already. I have a feeling that this will be a long night."

Hector observes intently at the words you tell him.

Not out of concern but akin to the way he watches the insects react when he exposes them to a different environment.

He was a scientist after all. A madman in which you deliberately fell in love with, so much to the point that he was able to feel pity for once. How you trusted him wholeheartedly with all of your vulnerabilities, emotions and secrets like handing him your parts just so he could put you back together again. Tinkering was always one of his favourite hobbies and he couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of pride at the thought of you being completely wrapped around his finger. 

Perhaps that was the reason why he loved you. Because he didn't love you. He loved you in parts.

"It was only a matter of time," Hector sighs. He sneaks his grasp into yours, knowing how much it affects you and puts on an invisible mask of deciet, "I already knew this day would happen long before anyone could have predicted it."

"You did?" With worried eyes you gazed at him, "What shall we do then?"

Knowing he hit the target, his lips begin to curl up towards his ears, showing his sharp white teeth that shone against the dim-litted room. Hector asks, "Do you love me?"

A silly question. You didn't hesitate to answer, "Of course I do. I've said it many times."

"Prove it to me," Forcing his forehead against yours, Hector commands in a dangerously low tone, "Kill your brother and only then you can truly be mine."

Your brain sutters, trying to absorb what he had just said. Kill? As in to take a life? It sounded wrong. But...was it wrong if the life belonged to someone who ruined yours?

Dumbfoundedly, you glanced into the bloody orbs of your lover, his black pupils thinning into knives while burning in the hellfire of his true colours. Hector runs a hand from the scalp of your hair, down to your cheek before gingerly sliding his fingers at your jawline. He pulled you close and whispered into your ear.

"Are you scared?"

Ah, this wasn't about your feelings. This was about him and your future and there could be no future you without him by your side.

You let your eyelids drop and leaned into his touch, "I could never be scared of you Hector. Whether it is within my power or not, I will make sure no one gets in our way. I swear it."

"Good," he continues to have you feed on his affection, "I knew I could count on you."

-----------

The news of your brother's death filled every headline Fontain had to offer. He was driven off a cliff while making a trip towards Sumeru. No one survived. The remains were so crushed to the point that authorities had trouble identifying their bodies. The only explanation they could come up with by observing the leftover tracks was that the horse must have gone out of control and ended up dragging the carriage along with it.

Ha. Serves him right.

Food poisoning. The vial Hector made was very effective. You made sure to bury it away from your mansion.

With no other choice, you became your family's next heir. Hector notifies you that he would be away for several months to solidify a unique connection with a man hailing from Snezhnaya. You didn't think he would arrive at your doorsteps with so much authority. Fatui soldiers followed from behind as the staff paved a way for them to enter. Your father was clearly displeased by his outrageous approach but he knew he was in no place to deny.

"Upon the agreement between Fontaine and Snezhnaya, Lady (Y/n) will become Harbinger Il Dottore's wife," the Duke announces, "This news will be publicly announced at the end of October."

Dottore? Is that what he calls himself?

As if claiming his victory, Dottore shoots your father a devilish smile. You could feel the dining table shake when he kept pressing his fist against the smooth surface, begrudingly congratulating you both for the new engagement. Your mother bursted into tears.

Was it worth it?

You watched both of your parents mourn silently in their own manner. Perfectly knowing that you were the main cause. But you weren't able to feel any sadness because in the end, you now had everything you've ever wanted. 

The inheritance.

Their attention.

But most of all, him.

And when you were convinced that this was your happily ever after, that fairytales were not just beautiful lies for the sake of comfort, you didn't realize  you were already living a life made of beautiful lies conjured by your own mind for the sake of your own comfort. 

"You're nothing without me."

Dried and calloused hands squeezed around your throat as you flailed your legs against the soft fabric of the carpet floor. He encases you in a straddling position, enjoying the sight of your tortured and clenched face. Hector…no, Dottore hated it when you disobeyed him. He despised it when his creations don't work the way he wanted them to and he had no use for things that are broken.

"G-hka--k..-"

"How many times do I have to remind you to not use my birthname. Do those ears of you even function properly? Or must I fix them myself?"

You gasped for air when he relaxed his grip. Vision a blur, you coughed a few times before he pulls your arm so that you lay flushed against his chest.

"Don't forget who saved you dear (Y/n). Because of me you were able to escape that miserable life you've despised for years. I expect the utmost gratitude on your part at all times, it is only fair that I punish you for not meeting my requirements, don't you agree?" Dottore lifts his hand up to pinch your cheeks, pulling your head to stare at your eyes, "After all, there is no one else in this world who can put up with you…but me."

His words were poison in which you drank like a woman starved. It made you feel numb to the pain the more you drowned in their alluring scent, the taste was sweet, a remedy for the bitterness of reality where the man of your dreams was nothing but a cruel monster. You came to believe that the reason why he treated you so harshly was because he was scared of losing you. You were caught in the trap of what seemed to be love and devotion when truly, you were just a toy to be used at a means end. He breaks you and he puts you back together, over and over again, filling in between the cracks formed in your glass heart with the phrases you loved to hear. Just like how he filled the other holes of your life where no one else did. You called it kindness. He saw it as entertainment.

Most people pay attention to the flower's beauty but they never acknowledge the thorns hidden beneath it's blossom.  That is why they bleed. They get hurt. Though, you didn't mind shedding blood if it was for his sake.

Because you would do anything for him.

You would do anything to bring back the memories of Hector Dufour-Lapointé and save him from the Harbinger that ruined his life. Your life. It wasn't his fault. You knew you could change him to what he was before because you were in love with him, that he might still in there. Somewhere.

Right?

…

Please come back.

Time continues to flow like the tears of your dying heart despite yearning for it to turn at the past. Dottore already left the room a long time ago but you didn't. Raising your head away from your hands, you peered at the door in front of you, begging desperately through a chanting record of despondence. 

Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back.

Images, they slipped through your fingers, slowly becoming more distant until your mind began to see them as illusions. Dreams. Things that were not real. Telling you that your life was a lie. 

"Come back to me…Hector."

Because the man you loved was withering in your memories and you couldn't do anything to save him.

A dry croak robbed you of your breath as you turned to look in the mirror.

Worthless. You were always worthless, it was what your parents told you since birth. It was what you became when he wasn't at your side because without him, your existence was worthless. You lied for him, you stole for him you, took a life for him. You destroyed yourself for him to point that it was hard to believe you were even looking at yourself.

Worthless. It's who I am.

And despite it all, you couldn't obtain his love.

(Crack).

Worthless things don’t deserved to be loved.

(Crack. Crack).

But what if it’s because I’m worthless, that he won’t love me back?

(Crack).

Your eyes jolted open, causing you to gasp sharply. When the sweet lies dispersed in your head and cleansed you of deceit, everything started to make sene. You came to realize why your wish was impossible all along.

Dottore...no, Hector, the reason wasn't because he didn't return your feelings. Neither was it due to the fact that he hurt you through his actions. Nor when he made you cry or scream for help before feeding you with more lies, thinking he would never hurt you again. It was none of those things.

It was because the man you loved this whole time was someone who could love no one but himself.

"Ha...haha," sucking in your breath, a sinister laugh escapes your mouth, "Hahahahahahaha.....!"

Everything was worthless.

You grabbed a nearby hairbrush and threw it at the mirror, watching yourself shatter into a million pieces.

There was only one thing left to do. 

------

"Ugh, where is it?!"

It was late into the night where every staff had gone to sleep. The Harbinger fumbles with his keys while standing at the door of his basement as he was too busy proceeding with his research rather than considering the thought of rest. Usually he acted upon them on his own will, performing various experiments for enjoyment. However, ever since the Snezhnayan court had requested him to look into the ancient arts of alchemy, Dottore was forced to carry it out before the deadline approached. Otherwise his position as Harbinger would be revoked.

"What a bunch of self-centered blockheads. Can't they understand that it take quality time to get quality results?"

Most of his important documents were stored on the otherside. Half of it came from his father-in-law's library. He had you to thank for that.

"Ah finally," he mutters, though still dissatisfied, "I should have a word with my butler for misplacing them."

Dottore shoves the key into the lock but instead of twisting the knob he noticed something strange. It was old and had yet to be fixed but somehow he didn't have any trouble adjusting his wrist. Then he saw there were a set of freshly made fingerprints upon the smooth metallic surface. However, the only person awake at this time would be him-

An intruder!

Dottore drops everything to the ground and yanks the door open. He skittered down the stone stairs while cursing under his breath. Using the delusion gifted by the Tsaritsa, the Harbinger activated his lazer-like pillars as he took advantage of their glow to light up the unlit room.

"What in the abyss...?!"

Except it wasn't dark.

"All of these scrolls, I recognize them," without sparing a single glance, you spoke nostalgically towards the bookshelves, "It brings me so much memories..."

Dottore clenches his teeth together as his eyes shone an angry red, you were holding a torch dangerously close to his hard-earned collection, "What do you think you're doing?!" He fumed, "Put that out, AT ONCE! Don't make me repeat myself!

"They're precious to you aren't they?" You finally shifted to face him, "More than me."

"What has gotten into you?" He was about to hurl at you until he saw your torch lowering, causing him to retreat. You were strangely noncholant and he couldn't help the feeling of disturbance. Accepting that he didn't have the upperhand, Dottore decided to use a different approach, "(Y/n)."

The sound of your name falls from his lips. You faltered.

"I'm sorry for what I have done. I know I was dishonourable to you, as your husband and lover, and that you didn't deserve to see me so aggressive. You have every right to express your anger, my dear. I was in the wrong."

It was only a mask. You knew it well. But seeing him with softened eyes and a tone so comforting, made you desperately wanting to run into his arms so he could wipe away your sorrows just like once upon a time. To live happily ever after.

Hector.

Dottore runs his fingers through his hairstrands in frustration and sighs, "However the Tsarista needed me to do something very important and I can't seem to fulfill her request no matter how hard I try. It angers me. If I don't finish this, there would be no place for us to stay."

"Hector..." you sniffled quietly. He looks so much like him right now.

"Can't you see I'm doing this for you?" He consoles, yet his weapons still remain, "I only intended to make you happy and there's nothing I won't do to achieve that. How about I show-"

"Enough."

Dottore froze upon your sudden command. He didn't sense a hint of subjugation and it seemed that you had perfect control of your emotions. How very inquisitive. Did you grow immune to the style of his voice? In such a short period of time? The facade he had on was now replaced with a growling animal-like expression. You looked at him dissapointedly. His Harbinger self returned. Hector was no more.

"Ha, you're the same as always. Even before the time you became a Harbinger. The same man that I fell in love with but it is me who will never be the same again," For a moment you averted your gaze as if trying hard to swallow your own words, "Remember when we first met at the balcony? That I told you my favourite books to read are fiction? I knew they weren't real but deep down, I wanted to believe in them anyways. And you know what? They did come true, to some degree..."

As the memories come flashing back, he defenselessly watches your expression contort from sadness to a calm contemplation and finally, enraged disgust, "But you only ever brought me pain and I'm sick of it!"

Swaying the torch to the side, Dottore flinches forward but he didn't dare to come close when your current state was unpredictable to him, "I JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME," you wail, I just wanted to be loved, bringing a clawed hand against your forehead and trembling upon contact, "It's all that I ask for..."

Dottore narrowed his brows. Perhaps he may have gotten too far.

"But I know it's impossible. The world is a cruel place and there's no point in trying anymore. That is why I'm going to set us free."

"...What do you mean?"

You shut your eyes closed and tossed the flaming torch to the ground. A horrified expression takes over his features. It didn't take long for the fire to begin spreading amongst the room.

"NO!" Dottore yelled powerfully, he frantically darts his gaze at all directions as they continued to flicker and blend into his precious documents. You stood still and watched him grab the ones that were intact, savouring the most he could but they slip out of his arms every time he moved. Dottore glances behind him to see a rising cage of hellfire. Then he turns to you.

" 'Til death do us part!" you laughed maniacally.

The madman looked back with angry dismay, "You're out of your mind!"

Abandoning whatever he held in his hand, Dottore spins around towards the staircase. He covers his face with his sleeve and did whatever he could to prevent the fire from touching him. However, he accidentally stumbled on his footsteps and something fell off the heights, knocking him in the face. He grunts painfully.

"That will leave a scar," you smile while he clutches at his injury, "I can break you too.”

Just like how you broke me.

Knowing that you've managed to leave a mark of your existence on him in someway, you peacefully watched your lover wobble between the hell you created. But the hell you knew was not made of scorching heat and thundering flames. Hell was empty. Hell was a void. This feeling was far too gentle to be considered hell. If he can't return your love, then at least let these caging arms bask you in the warmth you’ve always desired.

Lifting your head, you looked towards the ceiling and closed your eyes.

Ah, this cannot be death.

[sweetwolfcupcake]

Is It Only Me Who Thinks So?

Well, this one is entirely subjective, and when I say this, I mean it, it depends from individual to individual and since we do not know what a person might be going through, or what state of mind they are in, it is wrong to make assumptions about the person.

As an author and reader, I can put myself in both shoes. I know the stress an author goes through, but I am also aware of a reader's anticipation. Sometimes, a single post or update from their preferred author can make up for all the downfalls of the day they had been going through or can make them look forward to their day.

And so, it is not uncommon for them to enquire regarding updates on their favourite fics. And as an author, I do not mind, if anything, it motivates me to write.

As much as writing fanfics is a side hobby, I believe that readers' response does make a difference, a fanfic writer feels motivated when met with a positive response from the readers, and often demotivated when met with a negative response. A single comment can make or spoil your day, but that too depends on person to person. And as mentioned above, this rant is very much subjective. So according to me, it is not an unconditional support system- it's a trade- you provide content, get reader response, feel better and write more to enjoy your hobby, explore and expand your skills and also improve.

So, as a fanfic writer myself, readers sending asks regarding the updates actually help me remain motivated, especially as a student who often gets overwhelmed with academics- writing fanfics fr me is a kind of self-care, so when I feel like I have met my readers' expectations make me happy- happy to be able to make someone's day, to be able to write at least at a level in which people read and like my work. Again, that is completely subjective. I do not assume anything negative when I receive direct and straightforward asks regarding the updates, even if it is without any greeting or emoji. I simply assume that the reader is trying to be direct and do not see anything wrong with that until or unless there is explicitly something rude written, or some backhanded comment.

So, as a reader, imagine sending your author a direct, straightforward message about the updates, and you receive a response about how rude you are being and how you are taking the author for granted...Not a pleasant experience I believe. Especially when the author would often put vote goals and ask you to comment(That is more prevalent on Wattpad though), and once you ask about the updates, you are bombarded about how it is not an author's obligation and how you are making them angry and irritated. I believe this attitude towards readers to be rather rude and seems like the author is taking the readers for granted.

As an author, you write with the expectation of receiving a positive response, with the expectation of having readers being thrilled about your updates, so the readers enquiring about updates is rather flattering.

As a fanfic writer myself, I understand that writing on platforms such as Tumblr and Wattpad is a side hobby, often a way of stress-relieving and that we are not obligated to provide the readers with regular updates, but what we are obligated is to be respectful towards the readers if we expect to be respected, we are obligated to not act entitled to the support and love we receive from our readers. It is often said that work does not exist before it is discovered and read by the reader(s), a piece of work on these platforms turns out to be successful due to the support of the readers, likewise, the readers are provided with content that makes their day, that keep them entertained. Mutual respect is very important here, in fact, I believe that it is the key to a successful and healthy author-reader relationship on such platforms where toxicity is very much prevalent..

That's it.

Please note that this post is not meant to defame, insult or hurt any particular person, group or community. Kindly keep in mind that this is only an individual's personal opinion without the intention of influencing and/or imposing.