#and how this impacts their psychology
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dehautdesert · 1 year ago
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I agree with the assessment that he's tired of dealing with it, and that it makes more sense pragmatically to just endure the pain once (though he doesn't replace them all at once, he's doing it bit by bit over the course of several years) rather than having them fail on him randomly.
But, even with his own bones he also spends his childhood riding and swimming and engaging in various shenanigans, and both Aral and Piotr think that he has good chances of passing the academy physical (given perfect written exam scores) in TWA (he only fails the exam because he wanted to show off to that other guy who accused him of nepotism), and he survives as a mercenary for years with his original bones, so we can assume that his issues, while certainly inconvenient and not to be underestimated, are not that debilitating.
As for the rest - those are all things he actively chose for himself, because he chose a profession where people routinely try to break each other's bones. He doesn't need to know exactly how to turn in order to absorb the least amount of damage in a fight, he doesn't need to know how to assess when it's necessary to break his own bones for a mission. And he doesn't get synthetic bones because he wants to enjoy himself riding Fat Ninny without worrying about breaking them, he does it because of his job. He could stay at home and be a doctor or a politician or an entrepreneur like Mark (living proof that there's no innate "soldierness" in Miles, as Mark has his exact same genes). Hell, he could even be a fake mercenary admiral and just lead from the tactics room instead of the front lines! This is the bloody-minded determination part: he wants this to the point that he will inflict pain on himself to get it, and I love the juxtaposition of, I guess, paradoxically putting oneself (or at least one's desires) first but also putting oneself dead last that this implies.
BUT, on a bit of a higher level, why does he want to be a soldier so desperately? Could it be that it's because his culture overemphasizes military prowess to the loss of everything else? They have an Emperor and he sits on a military camp stool instead of a throne, emphasizing the military as the backbone of power and societal hierarchy in this country.
But even then, there are plenty of people in Barrayar who are willing to put in their recommended ten years for formality's sake and go on to do something else (like Tien), or who manage to be useful despite not being military (Byerly) or who do desk jobs for the entirety of their military career (Ivan). Miles is suicidal when he can no longer be a soldier and endure people twice his height regularly trying to break his bones.
Could this be because his family consists entirely of soldiers? To the point that Piotr and Aral are completely defined by their military prowess? Piotr did so many things for the people of his district, but that's not what Piotr talks about and what he is known for and what Miles knows about him - to everyone, Piotr is the brilliant general of the Cetagandan occupation. Aral makes beautiful art but really he's the guy who conquered Komarr with a strategy so brilliant he wrote a book about it. Hell, Miles's father fell in love with Miles's mother because of her being a soldier with soldierly qualities - he calls her "Captain" as an endearment. Cordelia built schools and hospitals and raised an emperor all while raising Miles with his plethora of medical issues but she's known and admired for her one singular act of violence: killing Vordarian.
To Miles, being a soldier is inextricably tied to being loved and respected and valued, to being good enough and worthy enough for his loved ones. And this is literally the first thing we are told about him in TWA and the point is repeated over and over again throughout the series. And while people can tell him that they love and appreciate him anyway, and mean it, every piece of evidence his surroundings have ever given him kind of points in the opposite direction, and he's smart enough to perceive that.
And this is such a fundamental thing for him that you kinda can't assume that it doesn't tip the balance when deciding whether he should get artificial bones - after all, it's kind of a big deal how often he anticipates himself being in situations where they can be an inconvenience.
And it's also telling how Miles, who is preternaturally good at going around an obstacle to get what he wants, and also at playing at his exact strengths, never even thinks of making things easier for himself by choosing another path, he just pummels through the wall and then through the pain this causes, because subjectively he has no other choice even though objectively he does (he's a wealthy, well-bred and well-connected, charming man of above average intelligence). And he never even thinks of exploring WHY he does it that way, like a fish doesn't notice the water it's surrounded by.
Sometimes I think about how Miles Vorkosigan went through a series of likely traumatic medical procedures to replace every long bone in his body with a more durable, synthetic one. Of his own free will. He didn't have to do this. He himself admits that it hurt like a bitch. And keep in mind that his childhood is already defined by a series of long, painful surgeries that he didn't choose.
I have a lowkey obsession with the way prosthetics and artificial limbs and similar things are treated in narratives, and to me this act is THE essence of both his personality and the way he perceives his culture.
He could have chosen any other job and likely excelled at it but military achievement is so important in his culture, in his family, for him personally, that he will cut himself open and excavate the fragile bones from his body limb by limb to replace them with sturdier, artificial ones so that he can be a good enough soldier.
I love the mix of implications present in this and tbh it's kind of the essence of my fixation with this kind of narrative device (which is why this is my favourite book series!). It's that mix of stone-cold pragmatism (I want to be good at this->I need better bones to be good at this->I will replace my bones) and raw, desperate, bloody-minded determination (I want this so bad and nothing will stop me from getting it, not even myself; I am ready to cut myself open and mutilate myself if it means getting what I want), and total self-annihilation (I am not good enough, so I need to put myself through massive pain to fit the criteria of good enough, and my pain doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because without this I'm worthless anyway). Which one is present in which percentage? Is he lowkey returning to what traumatized him as a child, except this time it's his choice and he's the one who's in control? It's up for debate I guess. But I love how it tells you everything you need to know about the man. All the rest of his behavior is just handwaving to keep people's eyes away from the essence of him, and this is it.
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creekfiend · 26 days ago
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I have indeed been simply deleting asks that I receive about this, but I just want to say. I find it so discouraging that people are so thoroughly nation-state pilled that they think that the only way for millions of one group of people to be safe living in a geographical region is the existence of a nation state which is actively enacting ethnic cleansing on the other people in that region. GOD that's fucking depressing I'm so fucking depressed.
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gh-0-stcup · 4 months ago
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Daniel and Armand spent four years meeting up and having long, intense conversations about philosophy, culture, and history before they officially got together.
They had a very active social life and seemed to spend several years doing a wide variety of interesting activities together.
Daniel mentions how he grew increasingly bitter over the years. Things between him and Armand fell apart due to Armand not being willing to turn Daniel.
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Daniel is free to leave at any time. Armand won't try to chase Daniel down if Daniel doesn't want to be there.
Daniel's alcoholism spirals out of control when he isn't with Armand. Daniel has been on the verge of death because of his alcoholism multiple times prior to this chapter.
#yes devil's minion is pretty dark and fucked up#but my hot take is that i don't think it's as dark as some believe it to be#or even as dark as this chapter suggests#daniel's recalling his ex of six months who he's still very angry with and admittedly bitter towards#while he's delirious and dying#daniel minimizes his alcoholism and how much it impacts his ability to function throughout the chapter#and projects the problems it causes onto armand#drift off to the terrors of the everyday world? daniel's alcoholism has progressed to the point where he can no longer function by himself#rather than acknowledging his own problems daniel focuses on how armand will let him run off and drink himself to death#shifting the blame to armand for not turning him#there's also been a very notable decline in daniel's functioning over the years#once daniel and armand spent their nights meeting new people and doing all kinds of activities#but now daniel has lost contact with all his friends/family and barely describes doing anything outside of their villa#is this armand isolating daniel? or is it an impact daniel's alcoholism has had on their lives?#to be clear - i'm not saying armand's a wonderful guy in this or that their relationship is healthy#i just think there is a lot more going on between the lines here#especially considering daniel was anne's way of discussing her own alcoholism#and there's a lot more to their relationship than armand psychologically tortured daniel into falling in love with him#tvc#qotd#devil's minion#armand x daniel#armand#daniel molloy
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evocatiio · 5 months ago
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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hekateinhell · 2 years ago
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"Maybe as the years pass," he [Armand] said, "desire will come again to me. I will know appetite again, even passion. Maybe when we meet in another age, these things will not be abstract and fleeting. I'll speak with a vigor that matches yours, instead of merely reflecting it. And we will ponder matters of immortality and wisdom. We will talk about vengeance or acceptance then. For now it's enough for me to say that I want to see you again. I want our paths to cross in the future. And for that reason alone, I will do as you ask and not what you want: I will spare your ill-fated Nicolas."
I gave an audible sigh of relief. Yet his tone was so changed, so strong, that it sounded a deep silent alarm in me. This was the coven master, surely, this quiet and forceful one, the one who would survive, no matter how the orphan in him wept. ~ Lestat, TVL
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wallbeatjournal · 4 months ago
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keeping Kevarchie ALIVE. kevin ships dont get talked about nearly enough what about kevhead. personally i think jughead would rather kill himself than admit he's sexually attracted to kevin & it'd be incredibly amusing to watch them psychologically torture each other in an "ugh this is the guy i like???" kind of way. i cant tell if their specific brand of pretentiousness would clash or make them the most annoying power couple to ever exist
oh my godddd they would be atrocious. can you just imagine them writing/directing a play together?? bickering over kevin's vision for some theatrical adaptation of jughead's original comic or short story until they're so mad their only choice is to work it out nasty? (it's NOT homoerotic, kevin, stop calling it homoerotic. this story is about FRIENDSHIP that's practically me and archie right there!!)
and yeah jughead wouldn't want to acknowledge it bc it's so on-the-nose and beneath him and that would infuriate gay kevin who has endured so so much repressed closet case bullshit in his gay lifetime. i don't think they could stand to actually date. jughead would ultimately write a mean play about their liaisons and kevin would write a spiteful score/musical book for it and they'd pretend it was all so veiled in metaphor that nobody would ever realize what had happened (everyone would realize. it would be so blatant and cringe).
...or something like that.
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seraphdreams · 9 months ago
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a lot of you are not understanding the magnitude of this genocide. when a permanent ceasefire and end to the occupation/genocide happen (which it will, inshallah), it’s not like palestinians can go back to living life as they used to.
where will they get their food if crops/plant life have been destroyed by the idf?
where will children and adults learn if schools have been destroyed by the idf?
where will they rest if their homes have been destroyed by the idf?
where will the sick and injured go if hospitals have been destroyed by the idf?
a generation of people will be deprived of basic necessities for years to come once palestine is rebuilt. how will they live? how can they go back?
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transmasc-rose · 6 months ago
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Like I do think River and the Doctor's romance was built up poorly. However. You see. I like her.
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magentagalaxies · 6 months ago
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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faggling · 26 days ago
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I love taking care of people omggg 😍😍😍
#i love when i can go into nurse mode and get people what they need and run through the checklist of what helps#especially if i know the person because then i already have a handle on preferences or what they typically need#i have like. half a degree for a few things and i have a specific interest in physiology and psychology#i also used to really enjoy crisis management and peer support stuff but theres a lot of elements of that i cant do anymore#because the toll that shit takes is more than i can pay#specifically crisis related events#theres a lot I have to work through yet before i can manage those situations#anyway. my dream situation would be to work with someone to help them figure out what they need#like. assess the situation. find resources if needed. check on their ability to address basic daily tasks. make crisis plans.#start some basic dbt conversations and try to figure out what help they need and how to get it#i know some people dont want to go to a traditional psychiatrist or psychologist for whole host of extremely valid reasons#so being able to help them with self help or finding other alternatives. or just like. being a person they can regularly talk and vent to#because sometimes people don't have anyone. and just one person in their life can make a major impact#and like. its not exactly like therapy in that way. like i have the knowledge base to incorporate aspects of it in if wanted/needed#i think some people just need to be heard and that can help them move forward#and my goal isnt to like. transform you or whatever. there are people out there who need help but its hard to start#or it's difficult for them to access what they know they need#and i just want to meet people where theyre at and help them take enough small steps to being able to live how they want#like. harm reduction type shit. if you just need clean needles thats a step forward. and maybe its the only step they feel they need#to be happy. and now they can have a little bit of a safety.#like. a little more agency over how they want to live their life while improving quality of life#a step is a step man#anything that moves you toward the life you want counts#you deserve a win#the edible hit part way through so sorry if theres incomplete and tangential thoughts#also how can i do this shit for profesh??#i know similar jobs exist but theres a huge foundation of shit i just dont agree with built into them
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One of the many, many reasons I love Blade Runner is that it doesn't have this Big Epic Final Fight you've come to expect from literally any action film ever.
There's just Deckart and Roy - all others are dead, or not here - and it's just them and one was supposed to kill the other and has become the hunted.
Our main hero protagonist is at the end, he's beaten down, he's at the brink of death, he can barely still walk and is just fleeing as far as he can, as long as he can, and he won't be able to go on much longer and there's really only so far he can run before he's inevitably caught. There's no last minute saviour, no sudden burst of strength, no last attempt to fight. He's terrified. He's running, limping, for just a few seconds more.
And the antagonist - the one who was supposed to be killed, the one who was supposed to be sub-human and is living his life as a slave, in fear - he's going mad. He barely ever had anything, and he lost the few others he had - the only ones who understood when the world was against them. He has only minutes to live, minutes that not even his creator - his god, almost - could drag out, a human god who died by his bare hands. There's nothing left to lose and nothing left to do, but there's the person who hunted him down like a machine or an animal that's one rogue, the one supposed to kill him, entirely at his mercy.
And then they're on that roof, and I don't know what Roy might think, but I know Deckart was done with his life. I know he was convinced he'd die right here - that both of them would die on this roof in the rain.
And when Roy pulls him up? There has to be an explanation. Surely he'll kill him now. What else could he possibly want?
But Roy isn't out for revenge anymore. For as little as he's lived, he's seen so incredibly much. And he knows there isn't anything to be done. He'll die, he'll be forgotten, just another rogue replicant - like moments in time, like tears in rain.
"Time to die." No sadness, no anger, nothing. There's nothing more to it, not anymore. It's a fact.
It's when he's free for the first time.
He's no longer living in fear. He died on his own terms. He's as free as he could ever be, in the only way that was ever even a possibility. And as he dies, as he no longer lives as a slave, that white dove flies away through the rain - a symbol of freedom, finally let go.
And Deckart is left alone on that roof, bleeding, his hand broken, exhausted, still not quite away from the brink of death he's been limping along for the last, what, minutes? (How long was it? Can't have been long. But it sure felt endless.)
There's no winner. No one has been defeated, either. There's just one who died, as he was always meant to, and one who lived, but his world might be in shambles.
What is life worth when you're just waiting for death? Is it freedom when you can never settle down? Could there ever be a different ending?
Also I'm going absolutely insane over the white dove which is a symbol for freedom btw like DAMN!!!!!!! IMPLICATIONS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
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mystacoceti · 9 months ago
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the confusion anglophone cognitive researchers of the first world create when they describe literacy of Latin script writing systems as general human literacy leaves a really obvious gap for whole language advocates to say "wHaT aBoUt ChInEsE??", only I don't think there's anything about written mandarin that would actually fundamentally contradict much of the research?
the claim by many researchers is that it's too hard to remember by brute force the 60000 odd words that a literate person needs to know for english — which is what the phonetic decoding is for, to ease the burden on memory with an extremely robust mnemonic tool. the only difference between hanzi and latin script would be the number of characters you have to memorize, ~3000 versus 26 (for english). and where children learning to read English will learn a handful of sight words by rote memory, the mandarin students would learn those characters as the sight words they often are. the modular aspect of both written and spoken chinese is probably what makes it doable yet hard, as opposed to nigh impossible. I assume it's only that first step of 3000 that's the real bitch, but after that it's all combining characters, like in english
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sodrippy · 2 months ago
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we are the daughters of parents who should have gotten divorced
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sassytail · 2 years ago
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A few days ago, basement roommate Kyle told me that he knows a guy who. Apparently desecrates graves by digging up freshly buried corpses, and using a drill to break through the cranium of the corpse, either huffs or somehow consumes the cerebrospinal fluid to get high.
Now I’m pretty sure that this must be completely made up to fuck with Kyle. Or just people in general, but Kyle insists that the guy is really doing it and he’s been trying to get clean from it for years. As though it’s a particularly powerfully addictive substance somehow.
Has anyone ever heard of that like. Happening. Or have any idea if that would even have any effect at all?
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psycherprince · 1 year ago
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third hot take of the day is that yes "boycott fatigue" is. yikes. but we're not doing anyone any favors by pretending large boycotts don't take any effort whatsoever. like we talk abt "invisible labor" in the household when talking abt feminism, which is the cognitive load of knowing what has to get done even if the tasks are divided, and having to keep track of who is doing what (wrt childcare) and the preferences of your family when cooking/grocery shopping/etc. Other ppl have explained this better than me but the point is. It does take cognitive effort to keep track of what you can and can't buy, and which companies own what, etc etc.
We can acknowledge that yeah it does take effort and yeah it can be annoying that you have to make some kind of change, but also still maintain that complaining abt that right now is insanely tactless and irrelevant. Like yeah you DO have to remind yourself not to buy sabra hummus or the starbucks brand creamer or whatever but like there's a genocide yknow get some perspective
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parsleymusic · 1 year ago
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the urge to respond to critique about portrayal of unpolitically correct attitudes or phrases or actions or whatever in regards to mental illness with "what if I told you that it's not my job to tell my readers that when my character says stuff like 'my binge eating disorder is not as bad as my brother's bipolar + PTSD combination; he has to win at something' that it's Bad and the Wrong Attitude to have when it's largely a tongue in cheek joke about living with mental illness and watching the people you love experience a different flavor that is also worse
#one of my characters tells another character that her grandmother committed suicide#and the critiquer said that I should have said died by suicide#because that is now the “correct” way to talk about suicide#and... I know that#I work in the psychology field#and i'm aware of how speech impacts perception#however#my character does not care about this distinction#and honestly neither do I#it doesn't matter to me whether or not you say “committed suicide” or “died by suicide”#and I have had someone close to me kill themselves#it fucking sucks but no amount of “died by suicide” takes away the reality of the action being performed by the person dying#imo it's a cheap trick that purports to discern the complexities of suicide in that people who do it aren't fully to blame for it#but it doesn't! that conversation needs to happen in full without shying away from the reality that the person did choose to die!#I just... I don't know#i want to portray life as it is not as we wish it to be and I'm not writing a message book about mental illness#also this critiquer comes from the YA space and this book is adult and I fear that the gearing towards YA generally meaning a more actively#condemning attitude towards “problematic” attitudes regarding characters that doesn't have to be present in adult fiction#dealing with someone else's mental illness for years and years is taxing and takes a toll on you and that's problematic sometimes#but you know what! everything is!#/this person had a lot of good things to say but there is something so blah about this in particular#“say die by suicide”#no#anyway
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