#and how the discourse has become so exhausting lately

[bulldog-butch]

One of my good friends is moving to the other side of the country tomorrow, and I’m so sad about it, but we had a big final farewell hike today to take a cold plunge in a lake and it was just 16 of the most gay and trans people you’ve ever met and I had so many good talks and it inspired me to text a friend I haven’t seen in a while to hang out this week. I think it kickstarted my re-entrance into society

[banavalope]

Hello, I'm a Homestuck and Good Omens fan and just saw your post about coffee. I came to the Homestuck fandom way late, though, and don't know what the coffee theory was. I was wondering if you'd be willing to share that story from the trenches if it's not too traumatic :)

I'll preface by saying, this all happened near about the time I began to step away from Homestuck, as this was late 2011 to early 2012. My recollection could very well be missing some juicier deets, because I always managed to avoid the worst of it. In all I had a pretty benign time floating about the Homestuck fandom, I'll say that. My knowledge is as a fly's.

If you want the short version: once upon a time, the Homestuck fandom was so stupid it had discourse over the way coffee was drawn in a single panel, because the stylistic choice used to show the way cheap potted coffee has that oil slick sheen on the top Really got the gamerz thinking Gamzee was putting troll blood in the coffee.

The long version is this: this Act was annoying. All the Acts had been annoying, there'd been rather more than six of them so far. The fandom's toxicity was at its most potent, and the main fandom exodus hadn't happened yet. But the stylistic choice brewing on page 4702 of A6I2 suggested a discourse was on the horizon, and it was the size of planet fucking Jupiter.

To understand the affairs of 2011/12 Homestucks, a few things are important to mention: first, nobody enjoyed Act 6. Ask anyone from the tumblr era First Wave, we all agreed that Cascade would have been a better place to start wrapping up the comic as a whole. When Act 6 opened introducing the alpha kids, a whole new plot derivative, and we all realized we'd have to go through the same slog again, that the story wasn't over, the collective exhaustion was palpable. SWATHS left unhappy; worse yet (for some), the alpha kids brought us away from the game of SBURB and the over-aching plot, to instead place our focus on their interpersonal relationships. It was a bad time to take your audience away from a well crafted climax.

Reading it now as a completed work makes this not so bad, because the book is wrote. You can consume it as a finished piece and clearly interpret a through line for yourself, start to finish. Skip it even, if you want. When you've no idea at what time the next update will come, while all the pieces remain necessary to tell the story, any pacing is bad pacing.

Second, while Homestucks are known for many things - all of them cringe - the one that goes overlooked most, in spite of the ripple effect we still feel from it today in every corner, is the sheer amount of over analyzing done to the story itself. Every panel, every inch of every pixel, was a part of a puzzle we all collectively made up. Theorizing was an integral part to the Update Culture era of Homestuck's fandom, that we Figure Out the Story, you had to be the one who predicted what came next. Impressive how none of us came up with some kind of fandom Nobel Peace Prize, for how much we lauded it as a lifetime achievement.

I'll give you, Homestuck does have a very rich narrative. Much of it, I'll favor, is even intentional. It made worldbuilding choices captivating enough to get people painting themselves grey, for fun, so surely it had a few right ideas in some places. And there's nothing wrong about analyzing your media, picking apart its references to tie together a background story, even if it's just one you make up based on how you experienced reading it. That's kind of the whole point of consuming art. It's to be discussed, share your personal conclusions on. Theory is the breath of creativity.

It's the whole part about wanting to be right, where Homestucks as a collective force wanted to start eating each other alive on the spot. We were fucking OBNOXIOUS with theory posting. I'll be honest with you, I really ate that kind of thing up, and even I was getting annoyed. People were beginning to stretch, likely to cope with becoming bored.

Finally, the sober Gamzee controversy. This came about a while before coffeegate, but the effect the inciting update had on Homestucks is comparable to a haunting. It was fucking chernobyl, and a bad day to be a nuclear scientist because now it was your problem. Vriska fans - equally insufferable, as we all were by some respect[1] - and Gamzee fans fought with each other VEHEMENTLY, just to see whos gang was better. Keep that in the background of your mind as the theme music to what's playing. Everyone was anxiously wondering what had happened to Gamzee, because for the last several some-odd panels, we'd lost the boy. He was full of murderous intent, we were down to precious few characters on the meteor left, and we'd lost the boy.

So here we are. It's 2011. We're standing now at the end of the world, we've lost the boy for several panels, and finally the plot is trying to move along. We're all tired, and irritated, and divorced, doing this song and dance one more time but god willing the LAST TIME, when a joke about the look of shitty potted coffee gets made.

And some harbinger of the fucking apocalypse takes to tumblr dot com, drafting up a post about how Gamzee - living in the meteor walls - is putting troll blood into the coffee. Because, otherwise, how is Kanaya as a rainbow drinker doing so fine? Dave called the taste metallic, like blood. Something something long forgotten theories about trolls blood here something something. People would chime in to say "that's just how coffee looks", somehow it dissolved into actual discourse of people violently discussing back and forth how it could ONLY BE BLOOD, because coffee drawn in a prior panel UPDATES AGO didn't have the film on top, only now AFTER SOBER GAMZEE. Etcetera. It was just the worst case of reading too hard into something that you done ever did see.

Shortly following this, many people who were already growing exhausted with Homestuck's narrative direction at this point decided to take this coffee theory as their sign the flood was coming and to board the ark or learn how to swim. Anyone who learned to swim subsequently left during the exodus of 2015.

Again, my memory is pretty hazy. Thanks to Requiem Cafe, surprisingly difficult to google these days. Certainly another old still following me will have something more to add that I'm forgetting, as your handy dandy unreliable narrator.

[1] Said the Eridan fan.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

https://www.tumblr.com/palomahasenteredthechat/760986163163037696/httpswwwtumblrcompalomahasenteredthechat7609?source=share

Sorry Paloma for making you read this but fandom is so genuinely exhausting to me lately and I feel you will understand.

Why does it bother some fans that other fans don't believe the relationship is real? Why does it bother some fans that other fans like one ship and not the other? Why does it bother some fans that other fans like an unproblematic show/movie/book/game/episode they don't? Why does it bother some fans that other fans have different opinions to them in general? The answer to all of these is that for the most part people are selfish and self-righteous. They believe that the thing they like or believe is right and therefore better than anyone else's opinion and they have to talk about it because that is fandom culture these days. Everyone online assumes the worst from other people at any given time. To not speak on something positive or good means you don't like it, agree or engage with it. But to not speak on something negative or bad, means you condone it and are part of the problem. Fandom has become a tit for tat battle where random fans on tumblr and X feel the need to release their own 'statements' about every little thing for fear of being lumped in with the wrong crowd. Then inevitably the people on the other side of the fence see the statement and can't help themselves but argue because they need to be correct. It's entirely fucked up and causes so much unnecessary discourse. People need to learn that like 90% of the time you are not going to change someone's mind by arguing in the comments of their post. Not everything is or needs to be a debate. When it comes to fandom especially, it really is not that deep. Being on the internet is so Goddamn tiring but I have nowhere else to go.

Social media has trained us to see relationships through an us/them lens. Look at politics. Most people identify more with who they are 'against' than what they stand for.

I'm old enough, kids, to remember that you used to have to deal with friends who thought differently, voted differently, had different beliefs than you. Sometimes you just had to put up with it or ignore it if you wanted to keep the friendship. Sometimes the friendship drifted apart because of it. But either way, it wasn't the only thing that defined the individual because you were with them in person and saw them as a human being. It's super hard to do that online. We need to remember that we all have more in common than we don't.

Now of course there is a big difference between what celebrities do with a platform vs someone who is a fan of a celebrity. But how we group and label fans and act accordingly is absolutely happening.

[girlstupid-boygenius]

Does anyone else feel like being a fan, especially in the music space, has become exhausting? You can’t just enjoy the art artists create anymore. You can’t have wholesome fun conversations about the music and lyrics with fellow fans. (Thankfully this still exists in a few areas like tumblr.) but generally speaking, any discourse regarding it has become so competitive and toxic. I HATE the fact that my absolute favorite group, Boygenius, has decided to bless us with an entire album, and it’s already stirring up drama. Why?. Look, if you’re a huge phoebe fan, but you’re not as familiar or fond of Julien and Lucy’s music. It’s okay. But this moment isn’t about you. Why try and insert dominance in a fan base you’re not actually in? Why does it have to be so toxic and competitive? Why does this excitement have to automatically be overshadowed by stress about competitive ticketing. Instead of people bonding over fandoms. You can’t go on Twitter and post about being a fan, without someone trying to “out-fan” you. I don’t really get on a lot of social media sites anymore, so I’m speaking from past experiences, I am sure it just keeps getting worse. Being a fan just seems more and more like a competition. Who can prove and post the most to seem like the biggest fan. How can we create the perception of being the biggest fan. Who can be the loudest?

It seems that lately, concerts aren’t even that fun anymore. That sense of anticipation and excitement has been replaced by stress. I stand in line with people who only buy tickets to shows to -post- about the show, but not experience it. I wanted to delete a lot of my social media pages a while back… and you know what? My only concern was missing out and being the first to know important announcements. Why did I get that way? Why can’t I be just as much of a fan without being first. Why can’t we just enjoy music and enjoy the artist. Why does it have to be this way. Ugh.

[whentheynameyoujoy]

I might get shit for this, but I think a lot of the problem with the ASOIAF fandom and why I just very, very peripherally engage with it is because the conversations and discourse are being headed by largely chronically online 18-25 fangirls on twitter and tumblr (tho tumblr is a lot better imo) who seemingly got into the show/series in the past two to four years....and just have either incredibly surface level understandings of the work or haven't properly analyzed it and have instead headcanoned the fuck out of the series all while developing borderline unhealthy parasocial relationships with the characters. The kpop-stanification of every entertainment property is deeply exhausting. We can no longer have any reasoned, measured discussions with disagreements because everyone is so deeply sensitive about their ships and blorbos and everything becomes some stan war (a lot of this is from T*rg stans tbh and they've essentially ruined that house and the HOTD show for me as a result lmao).

I blame the fandom and Martin in equal measure at this point lol. There hasn't been a new book in 12 years, a lot of them are deeply bitter about the show ending so these stans have basically been living off of fanfic, headcanons, and metas. They don't like the series for what it is, they like it for the potential characterizations and storylines they have gaslit themselves into thinking Martin will 'totally 100 percent deliver' lol. I am 90 percent sure Martin has no intention of ever publishing another book in the series, so on top of these discussions being deeply stupid, its all moot anyway lol.

Sorry for getting to this so late, anyway

The majority of the fandom seems unwilling or unable to accept Martin at the level he's at and instead projects their own expectations and prior reading experiences onto him, which is especially strange when you realize that his work is less about adding to the standard fantasy genre and more about deconstructing precisely the fundamentals on which it rests.

Dany in particular is an excellent example of this. People know Martin's spiel about "Aragorn's tax policy" and how he used it to write Mereen but somehow still expect him not to extend that cheekiness into challenging the whole "the rightful, long-forgotten heir rises up from the shadows and solves everything through their wise despotry", even after reading Dany X where she herself explicitly gives up on the idea of amounting to much more than a conqueror.

And then on the other end of the spectrum you have people who hate Dany's guts and find her gleefully murdering children to be 100 % realistic because they believe Martin isn't indulging himself with the creepy shit he writes and instead paints some modern anti-colonial narrative to criticize our real world. He isn't; he's just sticking out his tongue at the writers who came before him and focuses on the feudal underpinnings of classic tropes.

Overall, as a reader I don't really mind Martin's outdatedness because him not paying attention to signalling how so much fucking aware he is about modern discourse results in a better, uniquer, more engaging text that does tend to hit the progressive mark much better and more often than the current crop of writers who seem terrified of their own audiences eating them alive and use the language of activist twitter threads instead of, y'know, stories.

[echoes-lighthouse]

Jeez, I’m just feeling so bummed out lately. 

Part of that is that I’ve been in a minor depressive episode for like two months and so I’m rarely able to leave the house or finish my chores or eat food on a good schedule: I’m doing my best but it’s draining to be constantly working against the self-enforcing cycle of depression/inactivity/exhaustion 

I’m really stressed about big politics and guilty for not actively being out there on the streets trying to help, but I could make a list of things that need to change and it would be 200 items long and none of them feel achievable 

I’m also super disheartened by the internet discourse: I didn’t really expect that I’d become a person who was on so many tumblr DNIs, as a person who was 100% the standard tumblr user back in 2013 and felt like my personality was amusingly summed up by stereotypes about fangirls. I always expected to identify with tumblr as a whole, and now I feel like that point in my personality is eroded. But maybe having a personality based on communities has never been a good technique to a solid self-image. 

Speaking of which, I haven’t managed to make friends for like... three years now? I’ve moved cities twice, I’ve gone out with people, but they just keep trying to force drugs onto me or hitting on me once too often and I just don’t know how to make friends with people who are... better with boundaries? And I feel like it’s a personal failing or some larger signifier that I haven’t made friends, but it’s probably a symptom of the pandemic, working from home, moving around a lot, being an adult, and also being autistic and depressed and needing some really specific forms of interaction to feel comfortable with new people. 

Okay, ending with some positives because that’s how I format journal entries when I feel sad:  -I have spotify and I’m really enjoying exploring new music  -I have a job that I can reliably do for the first time in eight years of panic attacks and burn out  -this has been the most survivable winter for seven years and my mental health really is getting better, even though it’s not where I want it to be  -I live with an incredible partner that I still love and value time with after three years of rather intense isolation  -I own many crow statues and they make me happy 

[arcane-apidae]

🌀 Navigating LGBTQ+ Culture in 2024: Some Personal Thoughts 🌈

Let me start by saying this loud and clear: I have the utmost respect for all sexualities, identities, and the journey every individual takes to find themselves. 🌿✨ This post isn’t about invalidating anyone—it’s a reflection on where we are as a society, how LGBTQ+ culture has evolved, and some concerns I’ve been pondering.

From Outcasts to Untouchable Caste?

We’ve come a long way—thankfully—from a time when LGBTQ+ folks were outcast and silenced. But lately, it feels like the pendulum has swung so far that parts of the community are becoming almost untouchable. Critiques, even constructive ones, are often labeled as hate or phobia.

The original goal was about inclusion and understanding. Now, it sometimes feels like we’re stepping into murkier waters where the culture dominates discourse in a way that can overshadow other pressing issues—like, oh, I don’t know, the planet literally burning down? 🌍🔥

Youth and the Pressure to Define Everything

It’s beautiful to see young people exploring who they are in ways my generation couldn’t have dreamed of. But the pressure to label everything—to decide your identity at 12, 14, 16—is intense. The culture often glorifies constant discourse around identity, sometimes at the expense of allowing young people to just exist.

When teens are warned against making irreversible decisions (like medical transitions) before they're ready, it's often dismissed as transphobia. But isn’t it possible to advocate for thoughtful, informed choices without invalidating someone’s identity?

Internal Drama and Division

The LGBTQ+ community was once united by the struggle for rights and recognition. Now, it sometimes feels like there’s endless infighting, gatekeeping, and discourse. Lesbians vs. bisexuals. Trans people vs. “transmed” advocates. Ace and aro folks fighting for recognition in a space that’s still figuring out its boundaries. It’s exhausting.

And when the drama spills into the mainstream, it creates a perception of chaos that can harm the very acceptance many of us fought so hard for.

Perspective: The World Is Bigger Than Identity

This isn’t to say that personal identity isn’t important—it absolutely is! 🌟 But at the same time, we’re facing existential crises:

Climate change 🌱

Wealth inequality 💸

Global conflicts 🕊️

Systemic corruption and oppression ⚙️

While it’s crucial to support LGBTQ+ rights, is there too much emphasis on sexuality and gender in a world where so much else needs urgent attention?

A Call for Balance

Let’s bring back the balance. Let’s respect all identities but recognize that they’re one part of a much bigger picture. Let’s make space for people to grow and change without locking them into labels or ideologies before they’re ready.

Most of all, let’s remember that our humanity connects us more deeply than our differences. 🕊️✨

💭 What do you think? Is this evolution of LGBTQ+ culture a natural growing pain, or are we losing sight of something bigger?

🌈 Respect always. Critique is not hate. 🌀

[basiltonpitch]

🔥 + fandom

(i always send this one to everyone since i'm quite curious what people think)

i started engaging with fandom when i was 12 years old and now at the age of 24 it baffles me how things have changed. why is everyone constantly trying to start discourse. like ship wars i get to an extent whatever i've participated in my fair share of those but there's so many little things that people blow out of proportion and it's not just happening in the st fandom, it happened in nhie when it was super active and i'm sure it's happening with other fandoms but i just don't have the energy to really engage in them anymore. fandom has become so fucking exhausting to participate in because i feel like i have to walk on eggshells so that i don't get canceled for talking about something people deem "immoral" or whatever nowadays. it's fucking stupid. fictional characters aren't fucking real and putting them in any number situations does not reflect your morals or how you view real people. fandom should be fun but as of late it just isn't.

send me a 🔥 + a topic for an unpopular opinion

[dreams232434]

Dream of pooping

Definite dream understandings At the point when the visionary is in another circumstance or has a period when they feel completely upset, this fantasy will show up. Perhaps you've been feeling somewhat sick of late? At the point when you have a fantasy about crapping in your pants on a train, it implies you haven't voyaged a lot. In daily existence, it could likewise show loner like propensities. In the event that you have a fantasy about crapping in your jeans at a congregation, it implies you have no clue of holiness in your life. It could likewise demonstrate that they have lost trust. The demonstration of crapping in one's pants during a public discourse is related with public embarrassment. You're as of now endeavoring to recuperate from a horrendous mishap. At the point when an individual fantasies about changing a youngster's poopy pants, it shows that the visionary should be sympathetic and wanting to other people — either their kids or all kids. In the event that the fantasy was embarrassing, the visionary is worried about a genuine situation.

Purposes behind the Dream of pooping 1.An sign to acknowledge liability The translation of dung related dreams can be unsafe, very much like how canine and bird excrement are unsavory. Crapping in your pants in a fantasy means that your loved ones are becoming exhausted of the manner in which you treat them. This is an admonition to stop imparting your difficulties to others with an end goal to move or dispose of them in the event that you fall into that class. You could likewise condemn others and level unwarranted allegations on them.

On a deeper level, you find it easier to fault them since you are excessively panicked to recognize your own deficiencies. Clearly you are tricking yourself assuming you dream that you are peeing your pants, thusly you should stop immediately and acknowledge liability regarding your activities if you would rather not sharp your connections.

2. An Indication Of uncertainty Crapping in your pants in a fantasy means a feeling of mediocrity in both your life and associations with others. Maybe you pursued an unfortunate choice or offered something inappropriate, however you are so overwhelmed with lament that you can't track down an answer for your issues. You actually feel like a weight, notwithstanding the way that others near you don't seem upset.

It gets humiliating for you since you can't get a great deal of superb things done throughout everyday life. Now is the ideal time to think of an answer and quit sulking about in the event that you pee in your pants in your fantasies. Such feelings simply cut you down, and you transform into the cause all your own problems. This fantasy features a sign of uncertainty. Since you figure you can't achieve anything, you pass up open doors throughout everyday life. You may, for example, choose not to go after a position since you feel unfit. Particularly in the event that you put a great deal of exertion into getting where you are, it's the ideal opportunity for you to begin having confidence in yourself.

3. Dread And Nervousness Indeed, even in a fantasy, peeing your jeans can cause a great deal of tension. Your life might be loaded up with uneasiness, and your occupation might be coming down on you. You might not have any desire to proceed and be restless in light of the fact that you need to be liberated. Attempt to carve out opportunity to loosen up or pick another way that fulfills you.

Such a fantasy may likewise insinuate having persistent vices that you would rather not uncover to anybody, similar as the previously mentioned event. Regardless of whether you figure out how to conceal your persistent vices, the individuals who care about you will ultimately find out. Despite the fact that it very well may be agitating, coming clean may be useful. It's conceivable that others have encountered comparable encounters and can offer exhortation on the best way to supplant negative propensities with positive ones.

[xocontinentaldrift]

On routines

I've been thinking about routines as part of my late winter contemplations (which is now I've rebranded the New Year period.) When self-care was a pop culture thing, I know morning and evening routine were part of the discourse. And like many other people, I love reading articles and features about people’s schedules. How people spend time is an oddly intimate thing.

Routines can go on auto-pilot and become habits, which is both good and bad. I find evaluating our routines helpful, especially as my understanding of how they fit into my life evolves. I love the Lazy Genius way of describing them, as an on-ramp into the day. They are meant as transitions for me: into different roles, tasks, mindsets. Routines aren’t the “content” of my day, but they give me a lift.

Take my morning routine, which is to ease me into the productive phase of my day. The energy I want for a day of working, thinking and writing is calm, grounded but alert. After I wait with my kiddo at the bus stop, I go for a walk in the fresh air, which energizes me. I come home, eat breakfast, get ready, maybe read a little, and then make a cup of coffee, which is my personal signal for “time to buckle down.” Then I work until my son comes home, though sometimes I break it up with the gym, errands, housework or what have you. My key ingredients for these routines are fresh air, some movement and coffee.

I recently realized, though, that I need a different morning routine for when my son is home. My needs for these days are different, because being a mommy is a lot more tiring and mentally fractious. I’m also hampered because my son isn’t old enough for me to leave alone, so I can’t go for a walk. During these mornings, I need to feel like myself, so I read as my son and I hang out. Reading in bed in the morning is one thing I absolutely miss about my pre-mom days, so taking time to read in the morning as my kid plays or watches YouTube is a nice way of evoking that pleasure. My other ingredients for these “mommy mornings” are coffee and maybe some stretching, yoga or exercise. And also doing little chores: tidying, not seriously cleaning.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I need an afternoon routine, especially during the days I work. I need a solid and gentle transition between my role as a worker to my role as a mother. I need to feel revitalized and able to be present with my little one. But right now it’s always a bit of a scramble, and sometimes I head into those nebulous hours between afternoon and dinner feeling like I’m scraggling already. I need to come up with something, but first I have to evaluate my own needs.

I think the latter part of the day feels like the fabled "second shift" that is the parenting after a workday, which sucks, no matter how I try to reframe it as "together time." It's just a lot of work, labor and house shit. I don't get "me time" till late otherwise, so maybe some pockets of "me time" are necessary before my son comes home. But also, I need to make that nether-time easier, so I also need to do things like straggling dishwashing, making a snack platter so I don't get badgered for snacks all the time, etc. My son has reading time after school, so I can read then, too, I suppose. I also want a mug of tea, perhaps, and some kind of physical activity -- maybe stretching -- and a shower. And I'd love to squeeze in some writing/creative time, too. That's a lot for a fairly slender transition.

Bedtime routines have to be easy, because I'm so exhausted. I like to change into pajamas, take out my contacts and do my skincare routine right after I put the kiddo to bed. (Or maybe as he gets ready for bed, too.) We do meditation together, which is nice. I also like to stretch, because hip-openers especially help me sleep better. I like to read, but I don't want to read anything too stimulating, and to relax I like to play Animal Crossing. Then I sit on the sofa with my partner, though honestly, he's pretty zonked out, too, and would rather play video games than chat. I really don't know how couples have time for each other with so little energy by the end of the day. I really just want to read and play Animal Crossing!

[prettyboykatsuki]

i’m so over this new era of newgen watchers of rlly anything if i’m being honest. i’m gonna sound gatekeepy and annoying but i’m willing to put up with it if it means i get to rant about this to someone who might understand. i just idk maybe it’s just me but i feel like back then interacting with media wasn’t this popular? not just anime but shows in general i’ll go as far as to say book and movies also? like before covid i know lots of people who would tell me they didn’t watch tv n i feel like after it specially with the rise of tik tok these new watchers don’t know how to interact with said media?? n demonize any kind of movie or show that isn’t ideologically pure?? like idk i just see people n maybe it’s cause i’m on tik tok a lot so maybe it’s on me but i just feel like they don’t know how to watch stuff if it makes sense?? n get fake morally outraged at anything n anyone💀💀 i feel like they never learned how to take the characters out of the context of a story n enjoy them as separate entities?? idk like watching media has become this pseudo intellectual experience where these creators pat themsleves on the back for saying a bunch of words that mean nothing rlly as long as they sound smart. n it’s pissing me off. of course i think there should always be some kind of discourse revolving the stories we are watching but idk💀💀 ik it’s not important what a bunch of teens think of a show i watch but also i’ve seen the power of tik tok n it can be a lil scary thinking about the way they can just influence public opinion if making a tik tok about colleen hoover got z library taken down n the guys who made the site sent the prision

HELLO ANON YOU SENT THIS MANY DAYS AGO AND I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO IT WHEN I HAD A BIT OF FREE TIME AND THAT TIME IS NOW

so the tldr for this is that i agree. like. i don't really think this opinion is gatekeepy at all and i think its one of those things that on the surface seems unimportant but it speaks to how society is function (or in this instance... not function)

there's like. a lot of layers to this particular issue that i think would be very difficult to dissect meaningfully on here but i will try my best to try and explain my viewpoint of what it is. i actually talked about it on my sideblog the other day and i think we're sort of harping on the same point

we're always talking about media literacy on this app and how it's important and a lot of the time - i get feedback from people saying it isn't that deep. sometimes i'm inclined to agree, but i think more and more i'm coming to terms with how people are becoming increasingly... dependent? on escapism and fiction to give them moral guidance and substantiate their own goodness.

it happens especially in teens, especially younger teens but i think young adults aren't exempt from this either.

and the reason i think this is happening is because because of late stage capitalism and the increasingly predatory attempts to market off of fandom culture through sanitization.

this obsession with ideological purity and the lack of empathy towards real human beings is basically one long response to that collective state of exhaustion. 2020 was a year that showed companies how profitable fandom could be and in attempts to increase that profit - there was action taken both in the production and marketability causing the actual processing of content to become extremely evangelical and morally pure.

late stage capitalism has also created a sense of isolation. in karl marx theory of alienation - he details this phenomenon better than i ever could. but the basic concept is that the larger the gap becomes between the proletariat and their labor, the more people will lose touch with their humanity. and in that their sense of self. we're effectively seeing that happen in real time, and it's explanation for all the invasions of privacy, casual bullying, and generally lacking sense of self that people experience.

when you take extremely sanitized media and people estranged from a clear identity - you create a breed of people who are aimlessly seeking to become part of something in order to reconnect. no matter how negative or dangerous (which is also why we've seen a major increase in violent and cult like reform / fringe movements). when production of that media is so fast and so easily available, you get people who are mindlessly consuming things and creating these incredibly pseudo-intellectual and nonsensical debates in order to feel connected to that false identity.

i don't think it's gatekeepy to point out that this is happening. this obsession with creating fake moral panic about problematic and entirely fictious media is doing almost exactly what it's supposed - which is taking away real and legitimate critique of the world around us by ensuring and reinforcing that ideological purity and goodness can be bought in sold much in the same way we buy a can of coke off the shelf.

if you watch the right movies, and read the right books and watch the right shows you can be good without any effort. that's what people are often convincing themselves of. because its both messy and exhausting to confront that goodness within a human being is deeply complex and easier to uphold these weird and impossible beliefs.

[gffa]

i love you for all you do for the jedi discourse

I've been thinking about this lately, the fraught tension of the discourse around the Jedi, how contentious it can sometimes get, how I know I'm not always the most patient I could be, and sometimes I regret that. But other times I don't. Because there are times I feel like I'm screaming into the void about how, every single day, there is some new bad faith response on one of my posts, some new unsettlingly "hyper invested in a stranger on the internet's opinions about made up space wizards" comment in the tags I browse, and that I'm just really exhausted at feeling like it's always up to Jedi fans to be saints, but if we show the slightest bit of snapping at yet another person putting a bad faith take on our posts, oh, we just ~can't handle anyone not babying our faves~. And honestly I don't know where to go from here, because I do enjoy good faith discussion, but I'm also just so worn out of five years of this, never knowing when someone is being reasonable or when they're going to blow up on me, never knowing when a comment is serious or a joke, the lack of structure of discussions, are we talking on a Doylist level or a Watsonian one?, etc. Five years of playing defense against people coming into the space I've created for myself, I don't know how much I can really even contribute to the discourse anymore, because it's just been so many times piled on so many times that this has happened. And the majority of the time they're pretty mild, but after a certain point you're just tired of having the same thing thrown at you, so you play defense and try to cut things off at the pass, try to predict the nonsense comments you're going to get, and that becomes woven into your meta, rather than being able to relax and just talk about what you want in the way you want. I'm not upset about this so much as just kind of navel-gazing and I do kind of loathe some of the behavior of fandom, as well as I wanted to talk about why some of us may seem pretty prickly and I hope that I can project that, yeah, I have my scraped raw nerve points in some places, but that I'm working to let go of it, and if you wonder why I've checked out from a lot of these conversations, that's why. There's little to be gained by it, I've thought about these topics for five years, I've given it all a ton of critical thought, and I'm settled where I'm settled. I'm exhausted, so I'm just going to be over here, in my own corner, trying to turn back to the things I love talking about, because that's the kind of corner of fandom I want. That seems like such a downer answer for a sweet ask, apologies!  I’m just annoyed at fandom today (what else is new) and wanted to go, you know, there’s a reason some of us seem like we’re in a bad mood at times. That said, the kind comments are appreciated and I will endeavor to get back to being more fun about Star Wars and the psychic space wizards even more than I already am.  (To be fair, I shitpost a good amount, too, okay.  XD)

[beauideals]

Suuli Mel'Pomme

The Wanderer | [she/her] | 32

Bright and conversational, Suuli has always been a magnetic presence for those looking for an empathetic ear. With a playful glint in her eye, she has an unnerving knack of asking just the right question at the right time, drawing truth and vulnerability out of those least willing to give it.

Such skill has been a lifeline for Suuli. At age 23, Suuli set out from the Shograss Steppe for the long eastern coast of the Wu Con Ret Kingdom, searching for people in need of her services; discourse and companionship in death. While few places are welcoming to the Kehn, that does not stop Suuli.

Because she is as Kehn, and to the Kehn death is a duty.

Under a fisherman's awning

Amidst the gull cries and fisher calls, hoarse laughter rings out from under the protection of a salt-crusted canvas tarp. Suuli smiles sheepishly, happy to have the dying man’s happiness at last.

The ocean smelled worse than she imagined. That’s what she told him. Seashore funk, fish heads, and seaweed sex, it reminded her more of boiled cabbage than anything.

Despite his circumstances, he laughed.

“Wouldn’t recommend gettin’ any closer then, young lady. I smell like death.”

Words to accompany a whiff of warning; ocean musk from the port mix with a smell so pungent, so barbed, it would be enough to make milk curdle; it is the smell of flesh free from life.

She scrunches her nose more in jest than in genuine disgust.

“And what about life?” She prods.

“What’d you mean?”

“I mean, if you smell like death, what does life smell like? What did your life smell like?”

Stronger Legs

On the crest of the hill Suuli pauses to shift the weight of her pack. It has become easier to bear despite its increasing weight. Before, the weight of a sleeping pad and two days worth of food was enough to exhaust her after only a few hours. Now, the horizon of her own limits is far from view.

A Clifftop Manor

The widow was surprisingly lively for someone preparing for their own funeral. Suuli watched her flit back and forth between her writing desk and window, wry after being dragged from the city gates and straight into the estate of the late local real estate mogul.

“I trust you’re familiar with wills in solemn form.”

She was, indeed, not familiar with wills “in solemn form”.

“Uh, well, as a Kehn, I can’t be the executioner of a will. It would be immoral.”

“I’m well aware,” the widow ushers Suuli towards the writing desk with one hand and, wetting an ink stone with the other.

“You are responsible for an execution of a different nature. Sign here,” she taps a lacquered fingernail on a piece of parchment and Suuli, unable to get a word in edgewise, dutifully obeys.

“Excellent. The funeral is scheduled four days from now. A room has been prepared for you in the meantime. I expect you in my personal chambers tomorrow evening groomed and… washed.”

Mu’hana, The City of Pearls

Plumes of smoke rises from the city in great belows of iridescent purple, not from any individual chimney or flare, but from the city as a whole.

No one had believed her when she first spotted the smoke, only a trickling stream of haze at the time. Even the elder Kehn of the Artel couldn’t see it at the time. How could a child without her horns be privy to the fate of a city leagues away?

They did come to believe her, years later. It was her birthright that she was the first to see, a fact she was once proud of but no longer. There’s nothing to be proud of seeing eventual tragedy.

[batboys-batboys]

I’ve recently witnessed some discourse in the fandom in which the OP called Nesta an abuser and offered thoughts on the relationship dynamic she has with her sisters vs with Emerie and Gwyn, the Valkyries she now refers to as sisters. Someone commented on said post and asked when Nesta had abused Elain. There’s inherent bias in this post as I really like Elain’s character in the books but for the purposes of this post only CANON will be referenced.

First off, let me preface this by saying I love Nesta as a character, but I don’t put her on any kind of pedestal for a multitude of reasons. Also, please let me know if you’d like for me to retag this in any particular way as this is my first serious post.

Here we go…

Chapter 17

Silver lined Elain’s eyes, but her voice remained steady, sure. “There was nothing that could have been done to save him, Nesta.”

The words were kindling. Elain had accepted his death as inevitable. She hadn’t bothered to fight for him, as if he hadn’t been worth the effort, precisely as Nesta knew she herself wasn’t worth the effort.

This time, Nesta didn’t stop the power from shining in her eyes; she shook so violently she had to fist her hands. “You tell yourself there’s nothing that could have been done because it’s unbearable to think that you could have saved him, if you’d only deigned to show up a few minutes earlier.” The lie was bitter in her mouth.

It wasn’t Elain’s fault their father had died. No, that was entirely Nesta’s own fault. But if Elain was so determined to root out the good in her, then she’d show her sister how ugly she could be. Let a fraction of this agony rip into her.

This was why Elain had chosen Feyre. This.

Feyre had rescued Elain time and again. But Nesta had sat by, armed only with her viper’s tongue. Sat by while they starved. Sat by when Hybern stole them away and shoved them into the Cauldron. Sat by when Elain had been kidnapped. And when their father had been in Hybern’s grip, she had done nothing, nothing to save him, either. Fear had frozen her, blanketing her mind, and she’d let it do so, let it master her, so that by the time her father’s neck had snapped, it had been too late. And entirely her fault.

Why wouldn’t Elain choose Feyre?

Elain stiffened, but refused to balk from whatever she beheld in Nesta’s gaze. “You think I’m to blame for his death?” Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people. “No one but the King of Hybern is to blame for that.” The quaver in her voice belied her firm words.

Nesta knew she’d hit her mark. She opened her mouth, but couldn’t continue. Enough. She had said enough. That fast, the power in her receded, vanishing into smoke on the wind. Leaving only exhaustion weighing her bones, her breath. “It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”

Even during their squabbles in the cottage, fighting over who got clothes or boots or ribbons, it had never been like this. Those fights had been petty, born of misery and discomfort. This was a different beast entirely, from a place as dark as the gloom at the base of the library.

Not the blatant belittlement with that “little garden” comment. Trust me when I say I know intrusive thoughts and that this was early on in Nesta’s mental journey but still. This is her, CANONICALLY, preying on Elain’s emotions about what happened with their father and Hybern. We know that Nesta went through a lot of self-hate in this book but that whole “Let a fraction of this agony rip into her” was uncalled for. Elain went to see her sister, whom she admires and recognizes as her protector, only to get chewed out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that Nesta didn’t want her there but Nesta was unable to control her emotions and consciously sought to hurt Elain with her words. (Not that she’s not hurting/hating herself too I mean just read the underlined part.)

Chapter 21 (sidenote: this chapter needs to be talked more about in the fandom)

Post Nesta refusing to let Elain find the Trove and the “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” moment. (iconic btw)

Nesta’s pulse pounded throughout her body. “Do you not remember the war? What we encountered? Do you not remember the Cauldron kidnapping you, bringing you into the heart of Hybern’s camp?”

“I do,” Elain said coldly. “And I remember Feyre rescuing me.”

For a heartbeat, it appeared that Elain might say something to soften the words. But Nesta cut her off, seething at the pity about to be thrown her way. “Look who decided to grow claws after all,” she crooned. “Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.

Elain’s eyes brightened with pain. Something imploded in Nesta’s chest at that expression. She opened her mouth, as if it could somehow be undone. But Elain said, “I went into the Cauldron, too you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you can think of is what mytrauma did to you.”

Aside from the obvious iconic nature of this whole exchange here we see Nesta yet again hurt and belittle Elain. And yeah, sure, Elain tried to hurt Nesta too here by throwing in that reminder that it was Feyre (and Az) who went into Hybern’s camp and rescued her. But as soon as she did it she went into an apology mode but was cut off as her sister couldn’t stand someone feeling sad for her and needed to remind Elain that she’s a bad person who hurts others. The “interesting at last” comment was a (pardon my French) bitch move. There, I said it.

Nesta knew just which words to use to beat down her younger sister who’d always looked up to her, and she didn’t hesitate to use them. She knew which words would hurt her and she said them. Elain shot back here though and reminded Nesta that her trauma with being captured by the Cauldron is her own and no one can shoulder that for her. And that despite this trauma, she’s willing to risk herself to find the Trove and face the magic that took her choices away.

Anyways, I just wanted to shed some light on some scenes that I think a lot of readers and participants of the acotar tumblr fandom glossed over. These were, coincidentally, 2 of the few times Elain showed up in ACOSF. I mean, given the fandom’s warring views on Elain as a character it’s not shocking people would gloss over her and Nesta’s interactions (even though she who knows more about Nesta than anyone else).

I guess I’ll close this by saying that Nesta is not a perfect character. And, admittedly, these scenes did happen in the first half of the book. However, just because Nesta battled her mental health and overcame a lot of challenges, it doesn’t erase the fact that she hurt Elain with her words. She preyed on her younger sister’s love for her and (to my recollection) did not apologize for the way she treated her. Nesta’s an interesting character and so is Elain. Elain is a huge part of the acotar story/world, whether you like it or not.

[newdougsblog]

The Tragic Hero Full of Fear

Hello everyone! Before I get into this, I’d like to thank @jasontoddiefor​ for both the name and being the main enabler of this fun piece of writing. I also want to thank all my wonderful friends over on Discord for letting me bounce ideas off of them and helping me. You are all amazing!!

Ok, so let’s get into it!

The first six Star Wars movies (the Original and Prequel trilogies) are commonly referred to as “the Tragedy of Darth Vader.”  But what makes these movies a tragedy? How is Anakin Skywalker himself, the main character of said tragedy, a tragic hero? In this meta/essay, I will discuss how Anakin himself is definitionally a tragic hero and outline his story as it relates to the structure of a classic Greek tragedy.  

This essay will focus solely on Anakin’s character as he is canonically portrayed.

The Hero

Let’s go through the main traits of a tragic hero (as per early literature) and discuss them in the context of Anakin Skywalker.

Possesses immense courage and strength and is usually favored by the gods

Anakin’s courage is evident throughout his entire life, such as when he participates in the pod race in TPM or on the front lines during the Clone Wars. 

While we cannot definitively ascribe Anakin’s abilities to any deity, we can associate them with the Force. The Force is able to somewhat influence the happenings of the universe in certain ways and takes the place of any sort of deity.

Whether Anakin is the “Chosen One” or not, his connection to the Force is stronger than that of any other Force-sensitive being, so he is consequently closer to it than most, if not all, other Force-sensitive beings. 

Extreme loyalty to family and country 

Anakin is consistent in his demonstrations of loyalty to those he has strong feelings for (whether those feelings be romantic or platonic).

His devotion to Padmé surpasses his loyalty to the Jedi, and he is always willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety and well-being.

Anakin also exhibits a strong sense of devotion to his mother, Shmi. His devotion to her, and by extension her wellbeing, surpasses his duties as Jedi. 

In ROTS, Anakin says, “I will not betray the Republic… my loyalties lie with the Chancellor and with the Senate… and with you” (you, in this case, referring to Padmé). In this quotation, Anakin’s loyalties are made quite clear. At this point, he is not faithful to the Jedi, but to his government, its leaders, and, of course, his wife.

Representative of society’s current values

During the Clone Wars, Anakin is known by the moniker, “the Hero with No Fear,” and is one of the Republic’s “poster boys.” He is charismatic, kind, seemingly fearless (obviously) and a strong fighter, thus representing the values that were important to the Republic at the time. The last characteristic is especially important because of the assurance it instills in times of war. As a representation of the Republic, Anakin’s prowess on the battlefield creates hope for its citizens that victory is possible. 

Anakin also empathizes with the opinion that the seemingly outdated Jedi Code holds them back. In the Citadel Arc, Tarkin remarks that “the Jedi Code prevents [the Jedi] from going far enough to achieve victory.” Anakin actually agrees with this statement, replying that “[he’s] also found that [the Jedi] sometimes fall short of victory because of [their] methods” (Season 3, Episode 19). He shows a sense of allegiance not to the ancient ways of the Jedi, but to the newer, more modern ideals regarding military action. 

Anakin claims to have brought “peace, justice, freedom, and security” to his “new Empire.” While the Empire's interpretations of the aforementioned values are skewed, Anakin continues to represent them as Darth Vader. 

Anakin’s statement to Obi-Wan also mirrors Palpatine’s declaration to the Senate: “In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years.” The people applaud this statement, demonstrating a general sense of exhaustion in regards to the war and a yearning for what this new Empire is promising them.

Lead astray/challenged by strong feelings

Though there are many, many examples of Anakin’s emotions getting the better of him, we’re simply going to list two:

Anakin’s fury and anguish after the death of his mom leads to his slaughter of the Tuskens

Anakin’s overwhelming fear of losing Padmé is ultimately what leads to his Fall.

Every tragic hero possesses what is called a hamartia, or a fatal flaw. This trait largely contributes to the hero’s catastrophic downfall. Anakin’s hamartia is his need for control, which partially manifests through his fear of loss. 

Let’s explore this idea in more detail. 

Though Anakin grows up as a slave, the movies neglect to explicitly cover the trauma left from his time in slavery. However, it is worth noting that slaves did not have the ability to make many choices for themselves; they didn’t even own their bodies. After being freed, Anakin is whisked away to become a Jedi. He does not possess much control over his life as Jedi, for he is simply told what path he is going to take. While Anakin does make this decision on his own, becoming a Jedi is a disciplined and somewhat-strict way of life and not one that allows for an abundance of reckless autonomy as he is wont to engage in. 

(Side note: I’m not here to argue about Qui-Gon’s decision-making abilities, nor do I wish to engage in discourse regarding the Jedi’s way of life. I am simply presenting and objectively stating these facts in relation to Anakin because they are pertinent to my point.) 

During AOTC, Anakin is unable to save his mother from death. As Shmi dies in his arms, Anakin is absolutely helpless. The situation is completely out of his control, and he is forced to contend with the reality that despite all of his power, he cannot control everything that happens. 

He also feels that he has a larger potential for power and is being held back by Obi-Wan: “although I'm a Padawan learner, in some ways... a lot of ways... I'm ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials. I know I am! He knows it too. He believes I'm too unpredictable… I know I started my training late... but he won't let me move on.” Anakin believes Obi-Wan, his teacher and mentor, is holding him back. He expresses a self-held conviction of his status and skills and does not trust the word of his superior. 

In ROTS, Anakin starts dreaming of Padmé’s death. Considering what occurred the last time he dreamt of a loved one’s demise, Anakin is justifiably (or at least justifiably from his point of view) worried. He consequently wants to stop these dreams from coming true in any way possible. His fear of death, especially that of his loved ones, represents his need for control over everything, even things that are uncontrollable. This overwhelming desire leads to Anakin’s drastic actions.

As Darth Vader, he no longer possesses such fears, for everyone that he loved is either dead or has betrayed him. He is the epitome of order and control, eliminating any who disturb this perceived equilibrium. 

However, this changes because of one person: Luke Skywalker. 

Luke reintroduces something that was (arguably) long-absent in Vader’s life, which is interpersonal attachment. Vader yearns for his son to join him by his side. When Luke refuses, Vader continues to attempt to seek him out. In ROTJ, Vader is forced to choose between the Emperor, a man he has long trusted and followed, and Luke, the son he never knew he had. Out of a desire to protect and keep what little family he has left (and likely a sense of “I couldn’t save Padmé but at least I can save her legacy by keeping her child(ren) alive and safe”), Vader defeats the Emperor and saves his son. Though his actions are definitionally heroic, Anakin never truly overcomes his hamartia. 

The Structure of a Tragedy

Classic Greek tragedies follow a specific story structure, which, according to the German playwright Gustav Freytag, is as follows:

We’re going to focus on the three aspects that best represent Anakin’s story as a tragedy: The peripeteia, the anagnorisis, and the catastrophe/denouement. These occur during and/or after the climax. 

The peripeteia is the climax/the turning point in the plot. Said change usually involves the protagonist's good luck and prosperity taking a turn for the worse. 

Within the tragedy we are discussing, the peripeteia occurs when Anakin chooses Sidious over Mace Windu and solidifies his allegiance to the Dark side, becoming the very thing he swore to destroy. It is at this point that things really start to go downhill. He kills children, chokes his wife, fights his best friend, gets his remaining limbs cut off, etc. 

The anagnorisis is the point in the tragedy when the protagonist recognizes their error, seeing the true nature of that which they were previously ignorant of, usually regarding their circumstances or a specific relationship (such as Oedipus’ realization that his wife was actually his mother). In most tragedies, the anagnorisis is in close proximity to the peripeteia. In Anakin’s story, the anagnorisis occurs during ROTJ. After being wounded in his fight against Luke, Vader watches as his son is brutally electrocuted by Sidious. It is at this moment that Darth Vader realizes that Luke was right—there is good in him, and he still has the chance to redeem himself. 

The catastrophe/denouement (since this is a tragedy, we’re going to go with “catastrophe”) is the end of the tragedy. Events and conflicts are resolved and brought to a close, and a new sort of “normality” is established. The catastrophe often provides a sense of catharsis (release of tension) for the viewer. The protagonist is worse off than they were at the beginning of the tragedy. 

The catastrophe within “The Tragedy of Darth Vader” transpires soon after the anagnorisis at the end of ROTJ. Though the realization of his capacity for good is the anagnorisis, the follow-through (via his actions), as well as what consequently occurs, is the catastrophe. As previously discussed, Vader saves Luke by killing the Emperor but does so at the cost of his own life. This serves as the resolution of the tragedy, for the hero’s fate has been confirmed—Darth Vader fulfills his destined role as the Chosen One and, in doing so, brings about his own redemption and dies as Anakin Skywalker.

In conclusion, the categorization of Star Wars as a tragedy is a choice that heavily influences Anakin, the protagonist and hero, of the story. He is without a doubt a tragic hero whose fatal flaw leads to his downfall. In accordance with Aristotle’s theory of tragedy, Anakin’s tragedy is constructed not by personal agency, but by the narrative itself.

Works Cited

“Darth Vader.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 15 Mar. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darth_Vader.

“Dramatic Structure.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 20 Feb. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure.

“Hero.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., 19 Oct. 2016, www.britannica.com/art/hero-literary-and-cultural-figure.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode III— Revenge of the Sith. Lucasfilm Ltd., 2005.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode II— Attack of the Clones. Lucasfilm Ltd. , 2002.

Michnovetz, Matt. “Star Wars: The Clone Wars, ‘Counterattack.’” Season 3, episode 19, 4 Mar. 2011.

“Sophocles: the Purest Artist.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Sophocles-the-purest-artist.

“Theory of Tragedy.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Theory-of-tragedy.

“Tragic Hero.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/tragic-hero. 

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this