#and how much I'm peopled out and just want to hide away

[betterbemeta]

Binary gender expression is also how many people approximate their relationship with Hierarchy and Authority.

Hey. Put down the rock. I'm not talking about Gender Abolitionists pretending that 'men' is a cohesive non-intersectional Ruling Sex Caste.

I am talking about how even before we get into social failure or success, people are using gender to sus out where they are in the room. If they feel secure or not where they are on the hierarchy. Beyond 'who at a glance can be expected to be steamrolled in conversation, do dishes, based on binary gender', there are distinctions within gender itself. Two women of the same race express femininity, but one appears more working class-- gender becomes the place where that distinction is expressed.

(I have read that there's a similar security issue when it comes to 'dressing too white/dressing too black' among black people in the USA but you will have to go find a primary source-- I just want to note that gender isn't the ONLY space where this happens)

Some of the most overt hierarchies to observe happen at work. Examples!

Two men of the same race work at the same company, look similar, and both even wear business suits at the office. But one of them is an employee, and the other one is the boss. Work in an office of this type and you will know right away that Professional Attire does not equalize a sense of status regardless of if the boss's attitude is 'old fashioned' or not. And the way that status will be performed is going to be via gender performance even if both men are already 'performing' in their Workwear.

Super-lax dress expectations at a trendy startup hide the immense gaps between the CEO, the computer engineers, and the barely-paid overhead staff. Hiding this directly benefits authority. And what even counts as 'lax' is strongly gendered. Which interns will be okay wearing jeans and a t-shirt? Probably the male ones, but among the girls there are definitely distinctions in who is 'unprofessional' and who is 'casual', based on other forms of hierarchy.

Gender-neutrality, androgyny, crossdressing, certain kinds of alt fashion, nonbinary presentation totally fuck up these invisible status calculations. Status itself is not corporeal; it needs mediums like race, gender, class markers, etc. to be seen. The social punishments @thecottageinthedark describes have a LOT to do with people FREAKING OUT when they can't.

This is where accusations that queer people are smug, arrogant, self-superior come from by the way btw. These negative stereotypes are not just tar and feathers; it's the fear one will be subordinated if they can't understand everything about you At a Glance.

When I describe people feeling insecure ths way, I don't just mean the maximum brain worms cases, 'I WILL transvestigate everyone in this starbucks,' I also mean you and me, your mom, other people, all of us.

It is extremely hard to actively believe in radical, complete equality every hour of every day when we meet every person. Because that equality means that others are free to think and treat you like whatever. Gender isn't inherently the medium for The Social Contract. But the terror of failing at gender many people feel is pretty much the same as terror at said contract being revoked and to be subjected to violent authority.

Was explaining some gender things to a straight cis friend today vis a vis gender presentation VS gender identity when it suddenly dawned on me with much the same horror as getting to work and realizing you left the stove on, that unless you've been immersed in a queer culture for some time you'd have no way of knowing that appearing androgynous/indeterminate/wildly gender-nonconforming is HOT

[thatfrailsoul]

– Make me feel like someone else

tarot pick a pile reading

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

There are people that we just can’t resist. A smile that is impossible to not be contaged by. A voice that is so difficult to not trust. A silhouette that we follow without even realising how easily they are taking us away from the old ways, making us see this world under such a different light… A charming person, a magnetic aura… Could it really be only a spell that makes us blind to something deeply important, something that we should be aware of but that we just can’t grasp? Is it really everything so good and easy, for once, or are we trapped in an illusion that will only hurt us...?

In a romantic, or an equally inspiring friendship, there is someone that you need to know about...

This is our fifth reading from the Divinatory Jukebox. A message that comes to us through the song “Hypnotic” by Zella Day. A faithful messenger of the universe, who waited patiently for us to hear it, to listen to what it has to say.

Although from the emotions and energy of this song I expected something much darker, heavier, even more dangerous... Now I understand that perhaps this is just the way we feel it, when we are so captivated by someone, when we want to be and are so vulnerable in front of them, giving out our heart but at the same time deep down being afraid of them tearing it apart.

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. Instead, listen to your subconscious one, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides.

P.s. a little question for you ♡:

As I'm trying to improve the experience of the extended versions of our readings, it would be deeply helpful for me to know your opinion. Especially about what you would love to find in them. Just whatever is needed or that might be helpful for you to hear based on the reading and the original message you received? A more practical advice on how to handle your current situation? Perhaps a little glimpse into the future and what it holds for you, what you can expect or need to keep in mind for when you’ll live that outcome? Or, even better, all of these combined?

{ Thank you so much for letting me know!♡ }

– Pile One,

the ten of coins, the stars, the moon

After fighting with all you had, after finally escaping the chains of a connection so powerful that it convinced you to stab yourself, again and again, just for them… You really did hope that it would never happen again. That there won’t ever be someone that has so much control over you, over your heart that gives it all to the ones it loves. You hoped that you learned from your mistakes, that your scars are enough for you as a reminder, as help in being aware of all the lies and manipulations of those that try to come closer to your heart.

And yet you still felt it, you still found it, after all this time and even though you are with a different person now. That urge to be by their side, to fall for them, trusting completely that they will catch you, holding you tight in their arms, giving you a sense of protection, and at the same time a dangerous vulnerability when you are with them…

But even if you feel the need to do it, to feel it, you are resisting it. The fear, the anxiety, the doubts are overwhelming you, as you recognise in them and each their gesture, someone that you thought you’d never see again. Not in a different person, in a different connection, that you had so much hope for, but which is feeling too similar to how it used to back then...

So you are making steps back, trying to buy more time, to understand how it could happen that after all of that you still did make the same mistake. A mistake that you can't even bring yourself to regret, not when you look into their eyes…

How is it possible really? Are you so weak, so stupid to put yourself at risk again and again, breaking your promises to your own self? Or are they so powerful, so many steps ahead, enough to be able to put you under a cage that you didn't even notice, not giving you any chance to escape?

It is pulling you to them, whatever it is, calling you, overwhelming you through every single thing that reminds you of that other person, no matter how far they are. They are calling you, and you make steps forward. Just to push yourself right back when for a moment you are able to wake up. To doubt yourself, what you feel and think, to ask if this is even real.

But slow down for a moment. Breathe. Reflect. What is it, that in this new person, reminds you so much of the one that you swore to never let again in? Because it is just the way you feel with them, isn’t it? That sense of safety, of surrender to everything that could happen out there in this world, just because you are with them? Is it that admiration, pure inspiration and motivation that you feel when you look at them, at their way of living this life, creating with it their adventures and stories that they desire? Is it that hope for more time with them, to get to know them better, to learn from them or with them. To have them by your side as you face the struggles or challenges of your journeys, because you truly feel like they would be able and willing to help? Is it the way you feel so close to them in so little time, almost like you always knew and looked for each other, in one way or another? Is it just this… and how it is similar to what you felt with that other person, just before they took advantage of it?

Because you do love it, the way they make you feel. Those emotions that you thought you would never experience again. But at the same time, now that they are here, you can't help but reconnect them to the person that betrayed you by using them against you.

But… Are you so sure that it will be the same with them? That these emotions and way of feeling can be only a sign of a danger in disguise? Or is it only a fear, a supposition, based on what happened in the past, and that has nothing to confirm it in the now? Because you are opening up your old wounds, you are doing it on your own now. Just because of the profound vulnerability, and even scarier desire to be this way in front of them, that just surprises you in how it came back so easily, disregarding all your hard work to learn to protect yourself…

But it is not a mistake, a delusion of your heart, its way of never learning and being so easily infatuated and influenced by gentle ways… Your heart, your mind, you are not so stupid. You wouldn’t ever hurt yourself this way. But you are doing it now, in a different one. By letting what happened, and that person, still be present in your life. By letting their phantom wander around in your reality, your situations, standing behind those that you are looking at… And scaring you, putting you in guard just because of their presence and their memory at the back of your mind.

You did learn. You did become more careful with those that you allow to get closer to you, to be part of your life. You are protecting yourself, at every step. You are paying attention to the ways of others. And you are not letting anything or anyone play with you again. This, what you feel for this person now… Are just feelings, genuine, true, normal. They are not strange or worrying just because they seem to become deeper so quickly. Or just because, miraculously, they are reciprocated now.

It is good and it is true. There is no need to doubt it only because of how rare it is, and how ironically you already felt it once because of someone who treated your heart wrongly. That person was mean, manipulative, was hurtful… But does this new person have any fault of it, of the fact that they make you naturally and genuinely feel what the other needed to force and orchestrate?

Slow down. Breathe in. Look closely at them, pay attention to where they end and where that ghost of the past begins. Look at what you are creating with this new person. At how those bad and difficult things that you are afraid of and expect are nowhere to be seen. And focus on what is here, them, your moments. Rather than on the memories of someone who is long gone. The one that you already freed yourself from.

P.s. With each new year there is a decision that we need to make… what to bring with us, what to hope for, and what to leave behind. But it is not so easy, isn’t it? Some endings, no matter how obvious, are still so difficult to accept and to let go of, just because of how much they mean to us. But this year you can simply ask about it, if there is a chance for a new beginning or if there is only an end, so you can stop yourself from making the same dangerous mistakes.♡↓

{ Find out your answer here ~ }

{ ♡ }

– Pile Two,

the knight of cups, the emperor, the eight of wands

You give them so much credit… You think they really have all that power over you. Just because of how strange and new all these feelings are. How scarily natural, how overwhelmingly good it is to be by their side and connect with them, heart to heart.

But it is much simpler than just careful and complicated games of manipulation or disguise that your anxious mind comes up with.

It is just you. It is just them. The way you are so similar, yet different enough to teach each other so much. The way you speak different languages, but with such similar tone and rhythm that makes it possible for you to understand each other fully, even more than those that knew you for so long. The way there is in each of you that something that is needed for the other. That light and darkness. That calm and enthusiasm. That logic and emotions. The water and fire. The air and earth. Two half that fit so perfectly, creating something beautiful, something true, something whole.

It is just you both that felt instantly so comfortable, so safe, so curious about a life passed side by side, all the moments that you could create together, and those that perhaps you could've shared if you met sooner, changing completely your past. It is that genuine enthusiasm and joy that makes you go faster, connecting easier than with anyone else. Allowing you to create a bond deeper than what you could expect.

There is no trick, no spell, no hidden motive. Just a finally good and honest connection that your broken hearts needed so much.

There is just surprise and unpreparedness to feel so much and so fast. Especially when you are used to struggle just to get truly closer to someone who is already by your side.

There is no need to be afraid, to already prepare yourself for the worst just because this is too good to be true, to be so easy and fun. There is no need to consider to run away, to distance them, just because of the doubt in your mind… You can just slow down. On your own. Ask them to do things one step at a time. So you can get used to it more easily, to be treated better, to trust fully the promises that someone gives to your heart.

There won't be any anger or misunderstanding. There won’t be any judgement in discovering that you are just not used to so much lightness in your heart and mind. It will only make you more precious for them, more deserving of their affection and parts of them that they will share only with you, who they will fully believe and trust.

P.s. With each new year there is a decision that we need to make… what to bring with us, what to hope for, and what to leave behind. But it is not so easy, isn’t it? Some endings, no matter how obvious, are still so difficult to accept and to let go of, just because of how much they mean to us. But this year you can simply ask about it, if there is a chance for a new beginning or if there is only an end, so you can stop yourself from making the same dangerous mistakes.♡↓

{ Find out your answer here ~ }

{ ♡ }

– Pile Three,

the three of coins, the emperor, the page of swords

Is it really only them, who pulls you in so tenderly? Who so knowingly walks around your walls and finds every fragile part, using them to get closer? Or are you doing exactly the same, playing their games, imitating their ways, simply because it is so captivating and fun?

You have so many things in common. Even just the way you love and need to feel that rush, to feel the excitement and the thrill of getting to know each other, of provoking one another, subtly, jokingly. Never saying something openly, but understanding so much, reading through the lines.

But things are starting to change, to feel different, now that some time has passed and playing the same games as when you first met… It just feels kind of strange, and even tiring at times. This is not something that only you noticed and felt, that shift and the energy of both of you that just seems to be consumed uselessly with all of this. How the time seems to be wasted, and you both can’t help but think of how different those moments could've been if only you were finally fully open to each other. With your thoughts expressed clearly. Parts of you and of your life shared without needing to necessarily win them, be worthy of them…

And it is okay, this feeling and change is normal. There is nothing strange in being attracted to a different energy and dynamic at the start of a connection, compared to when some time has passed and you just want to be by their side, experiencing this life together, and not only playing with each other occasionally.

So don’t let those doubts and fears, that you or them will get bored if you stop to “spicing” things up, come any closer. Nothing will happen if, for a moment, you just relax and become less calculated in the ways you interact. Simply because this connection didn't start because of those games, of those flirtatious or joking ways. It started because your paths crossed each other, thanks to this life that saw how much your souls were aligned. It started because it was supposed to. And it would've happened even if you didn't do so much to win each other over, convincing the other person to choose you, to give you that chance.

It will not go away. Nor them nor you will do it, if something in your dynamic changes. Because change is not something to be afraid of. It is just a sign of your growth and evolution of this connection, of your feelings for eachother that make you a safe and comfortable person for one another, no matter the label of the relationship or your ways.

Don’t be afraid to let your grip on them go a little. Don’t be afraid to not always maintain the same entertaining energy. You don’t need to convince them, appeal to them, or prove yourself and your worth to them. They already are aware of all of it, they already chose to stay by your side, nourishing this bond, exactly like you did. It is not the start of the connection anymore. So you both are allowed to go a little slower, be more neutral or even boring. Some moments are indeed supposed to be more calmer and less adventurous than how it was at the very start. It is still fine. Everything is still okay. And it will continue to be so, no matter how many months or years will pass by. A time in which this connection will simply and only evolve and adapt to the phases of your lives many more times.

P.s. With each new year there is a decision that we need to make… what to bring with us, what to hope for, and what to leave behind. But it is not so easy, isn’t it? Some endings, no matter how obvious, are still so difficult to accept and to let go of, just because of how much they mean to us. But this year you can simply ask about it, if there is a chance for a new beginning or if there is only an end, so you can stop yourself from making the same dangerous mistakes.♡↓

{ Find out your answer here ♡ }

{ ♡ }

[beepartcollection]

The Conagher family art was delightful! Any head cannons or other family moments for them that you can think of?

Yeah! :D

Radigan was present in Engie's childhood, a lot of people forget he had a small cache of Australium given by definitely not The Administrator Elizabeth, so I think he lived well past the expected age of the time and of a human by rationing it (after that bender when he first got it and stuff, as we see in the Engie update promo stuff), and while he did use his time to raise Dell and hone his innate genius he also used it for shennaniganery because Dell idolizes him.

I think Radigan's death was just him deciding aight, I'm done, time to go; that Conhager pride wearing out. Cause after a point his Australium reserves had to have run out, and acquiring more was nigh impossible due to the extremely tight supply and high demand. Plus, I imagine it sucks living in a world completely different from the one you know and all your friends being dead or hiding. I can see him hosting a 'going away' party and using the last bit of Australium to make himself young again, al la the Admin at the end of comic 6. Which also means Engie knew exactly how long Admin has left cause he's seen it.

Back to Radigan and Fred, I think Radigan married solely cause it was The Thing To Do in his time, and from his wife's perspective, marrying a guy who will be in his workshop 90% of the time and has infinite money and is a well mannered gentleman? Sure hell yeah. Hell it might've been an amicable agreement between Rad and his wife. I do think both of them didn't really give Fred much attention though, busy with their own lives.

Though when Dell was born, all focus went on him, cause Fred wanted to give him all his love and be the best dad ever and Radigan was retired by this point and if he's gonna die soon may as well mentor his grandson. And spoil him. Fred's kinda jealous. Plus I think Engie took to maths like a fish to water.

And of course, trains. They love em. Have over $10 mil in train stuff in the basement. When Engie was old enough they showed him the train models, so he could get inspired and build his own, big happy family :3

[jspenft]

Home alone on Satoru's birthday.

I know I'm coming back after what, one? Two years? I don't know anymore. But I just had a fic idea and fuck, need someone to write it asap.

(English isn't my first language, and didn't proofread, pls be lenient)

It's a 𝙎𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙪 𝙂𝙤𝙟𝙤 𝙭 𝙛𝙚𝙢!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧, and I'm sorry but Suguru is mean in it (don't blame me okay it just happened in my head😭).

Okay so basically, you're in a distance relationship with Satoru, or like he's away for missions (or business trip if NoCurses!au).

He's been away for so long, it's been weeks, you text, call, sure, but it's not enough, you miss each other so fucking bad. He sends you texts of the lines of: "I put your perfume on my pillow but nothing compares to you :( Need your arms around me sweetheart" "Miss you🩵" "Love you so much", and you needed him as bad.

Plus his birthday was approaching so fast, and you came up with a fucking great idea (not to be presumptuous, but you're pretty proud of yourself).

The idea: buy a plane ticket and surprise him.

Simple right?

You thought...

Days goes by and you plan everything: buy the plane ticket✅ book a room in the hotel he's staying (even though it's just to gain access to the hotel corridors and knock on Satoru's door)✅ making his favorite pastries✅ hell you even planned to wear those clothes he loves you to wear✅ everything was going to your plan.

You knew he specifically asked (ordered) to have the day off on his birthday, so the field was clear for you.

You both had planned a facetime that day (even though he would've liked to stay on call all day, you convinced him to move the call to late afternoon. Your excuse was lame, but he thankfully believed it.). But what he didn't know, is that when you'll call him, you'll be in front of his hotel room at that time. You giggle already imagining his reaction.

A few days before, just to be sure, you texted Suguru asking him to subtly encourage Satoru not to leave his hotel room at the time you'll be there. He agreed.

The day comes and you're so excited.

You're ready to go, check everything.

But shock is written all over your face as you inspect your wallet:

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙩 ����𝙤??

You are surprised at first, thinking that you must have put it somewhere else. But the more time you spend running around the house, the more horror replaces the initial shock on your face.

You really try to remember, but no, you really put it in your wallet! So how did it disappear!??

Time passes and the house is in distraught, you turned everything upside down, but still nothing.

Last resort: buy another ticket.

You run and scroll through the airline's website on your computer and: the flight is sold out...

𝙎𝙊𝙇𝘿.𝙊𝙐𝙏.

You start crying, why do these kinds of things only happens to you?

In the end, you decide to go to the airport anyway, because who knows? Maybe there will be a last minute cancellation and you'll have a free seat? spoiler alert: no.

You're crying, trying to hide your sobs from people.

For fuck sakes this isn't home alone! So why did this happens to you? All you wanted was making your boyfriend happy on his birthday, was that too much to ask for?

You spend the rest of the day sobbing in your bed. You may be overdoing it a bit, thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal for others, but you can't help but feel bad. Seeing something you've been preparing for so long slip through your fingers so easily, and that because of a poor plane ticket: it frustrates you to the highest degree. You miss Satoru so much.

You have no other choices than accept your fate. You already wished him an happy birthday at midnight, and all that's left is to wait for the facetime you had planned for late afternoon. You're already practicing fake smiles and hiding your swollen eyes.

Imagining yourself with him almost makes you shed a tear. Facetime is good, but nothing compares to being in each other's embrace.

You're suddenly brought out of your reverie by a message notification. Message from Satoru to be precise, you know it cause you have a specific ringtone for him.

You open his text, and begin to start rubbing your eyes, not believing what you're reading.

𝙏𝙤𝙧𝙪🍡🩵. 𝟰:𝟮𝟮𝙥𝙢 :

"𝘚𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴!! 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥! 𝘚𝘶𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺!!!! 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵?😁 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺! 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨!🥳 𝘞𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺? 𝘓𝘶𝘷 𝘶𝘶𝘶🥰"

...

...𝘿𝙞𝙙 𝙎𝙪𝙜𝙪𝙧𝙪 𝙂𝙚𝙩𝙤... 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙩??

You can imagine anything from there.

But I can think of the reader so shocked that she doesn't answer Satoru's call, or the following ones. She ends up picking up, but is very evasive in her answers. Ofc he asks her what's wrong, and so she explains to him.

Everything.

How she planned everything down to the last millimeter, how Suguru was in confidence, but he decided to stab her in the back by stealing her surprise. (Because yes, maybe the missing ticket is a coincidence, but the idea of ​​surprising Satoru, that, Suguru stole it from her).

Now imagine Satoru not believing you? Telling you his best friend wouldn't do that. "Why are are you lying?".

You'll sob, maybe even Shoko will hear the news and call you. You'll ask her "What? You don't believe me either?" but she believes you.

I don't know why Sugu would do that tho. Maybe he felt like the new girlfriend was stealing his best friend?

Just dreamed abt this fic, hope you like the idea.

[tellmegoodbye]

✨️ End of Year Review ✨️

This year has been a wild one for me! It's safe to say that back in January, I never would have imagined creating as much as I have. I am so happy that I gave myself the chance to come back and try this fandom thing again, and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people who have been supporting me through everything.

Now, without futher ado, here is my 2024 roundup!

our love will guide us home [30k, T]

Carlos has been lost these past couple of months without TK by his side. To his friends and his family, every day is simply just another day. He figures that as long as he keeps his pain locked away, the hurt will eventually dull. It's his shield. It's the only way he's ever known how to grieve. The universe has a different plan for him this time. All it takes is one frozen lake, one fateful radio call, and the possibility of losing TK forever that forces him to confront it all.

until the end of time [33k, E]

TK knows what it's like to lose someone. He's been exactly where Carlos is now, but standing on the sidelines of grief proves to be harder than he could have ever imagined.

Or, 5 moments before the wedding and 1 moment after.

leave your love in the lamplight [3k, T]

While getting ready for his first day as a Texas Ranger, Carlos finds himself on a journey through clothes and accessories that spark a series of complex emotions.

tonight your tears will fall from the sky [6k, T]

When TK finds himself in an inescapable situation with Tommy and Nancy, he only has one thing left to do.

He has to call his husband.

winds are shifting for our souls [5k, M]

After spending all day worrying about his husband, Carlos receives a call from Tommy and learns of TK's latest brush with death.

with broken wings we fly [10k, E]

In the days leading up to their anniversary, TK is forced to confront the realities surrounding Carlos' obsession.

and the silence sets me free [7k, M]

Six months after his father's death, Carlos is still struggling and has started to close off from the rest of his family. With Christmas coming up and a family dinner he'd rather avoid, a last minute favor brings him and TK to the ranch. Carlos learns that hiding out here isn't as easy as he thought it would be, and with a little help from his relentless husband, he faces the fears that are holding him back from the holidays.

Thank you to the incredible @lutavero for making me this gorgeous ao3 summary!

Thank you @ironheartwriter for helping me create the discord and host @911lonestarevents!

Thank you @herefortarlos for being the most patient beta and an amazing friend!

Thank you @eclectic-sassycoweyes for starting the tag game brainstorming train that would eventually inspire me to start music monday, and thank you to every single person who has participated in that!

Thank you @strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @alrightbuckaroo @henrygrass

@heartstringsduet @whatsintheboxmh and @thisbuildinghasfeelings for tagging me to make one of these!

I'm leaving this as an open tag if you want to join in.

[escapedaudios]

I know I'm still working on the main Wolfsjäger series but I really REALLY want to make a spinoff that shows just how fucking scary a single Mondheuler can be from the point of view of a normal person. No werewolf hunter ally, no Mondlichthund. Just a normal person with this monster out there.

Mondheulers are fundamentally evil and they are insanely smart. Turning into a werewolf doesn't exactly make you more intelligent but it effectively cures you of depression, removes fatigue and chemical addictions, and gives you a powerful motivation founded on an instinct that you are so in tune with that you never question it. Some people get the curse and awaken their mental potential and seem like they actually got smarter, when in reality they're just motivated and awake for the first time in years. They like it.

They don't fear the full moon. They look forward to it. They don't kill out of a loss of control. They are very much in control and very much willing to kill people while in human form. They're cunning and ruthless and will kill witnesses to hide their tracks. They stand back up after being shot and stabbed. There's no telling who the wolf is, and they can spread their curse quickly.

Imagine someone you know just... changing. In subtle ways. Breaking rules and social customs they used to follow, vanishing without explanation, looking at you with eyes that pierce right through you when they used to feel normal. Imagine people dying without a trace, or sometimes left in shreds with no sign of any human being having been at the scene of the crime. Imagine finally coming face to face with them when they transform, hearing the voice of a once-sane human speak cruel and bloodthirsty words underneath the rumble of its bestial growl.

Imagine running from this in the night, knowing that while you can barely see in the dark, it sees you with perfect clarity. Knowing that even if it loses sight of you, it will smell you, hear your shaking breath, feel the thump of your heartbeat. You don't know how to kill it. It speaks but can't be reasoned with. Even if you get away, when it turns back into a human it will know who you are, but you won't know who it is, and it won't show you any mercy even when the moon is gone.

The amount of terror just one of these fucking things can cause is immense.

[bloody-cupcakes]

Yandere/dark! Chuck Bass and yandere/dark! Blair Waldorf x reader; they remind you just who you belong to after you're flirted with at a party

Tw: yandere/dark content, gender neutral reader, nsfw/smut, jealousy/possessiveness, swearing, threesome-ish, car (limo) sex, dom/sub dynamics (dom Chuck and Blair/sub reader), fingering (not specified whether it's vaginal or anal since the reader is gn), hickeys/marking kink, light praise kink

A/N: I really need to write more poly stuff for this blog tbh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you were, standing in the centerfold of the party in all your Upper East Sider glory. Everyone else might've been focused on Chuck and Blair, the power couple of the century, but they only had eyes for you.

It was the first time they'd made a public debut at an event like this since your relationship with them was publicized, and they were desperate to keep an eye on you and make sure no one would be there to make an attempt at stealing you away. Not that they didn't trust you to be loyal, but you were far too nice for your own good and didn't always know when to set boundaries with certain people.

Take now, for instance. Blair had taken her eye off of you for one second and suddenly looked back to see Georgina Sparks of all people trying to sink her claws into you. To say you seemed a bit out of your depth was an understatement.

"Chuck," the brunette hissed out as she snapped her fingers to get his attention, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him off to the side. "Look."

He'd been a bit confused as to what was going on until she directed his attention towards where you were standing. It had taken Georgina all of five minutes (or less) to get you pinned against a corner, one of her hands placed on the wall behind you in an effort to make you feel trapped in.

His gaze darkened immediately, glowering in a way that matched how his girlfriend felt almost perfectly. "That bitch," he snarled under his breath, looking ready to rip her throat out at any given opportunity. If you hadn't been currently caught in the crossfire, he had no doubt Blair would let him.

"Come on," she commanded once he'd been shown what and where the problem was. "We need to go rescue our little pet from the Wicked Witch of the Upper East Side before she decides to turn them into her own personal flying monkey."

The two of them made their way forward immediately, Blair's heels clacking loudly on the floor as she marched over while Chuck stalked quietly behind her. "Just what do you think you're doing?" She demanded once reaching where Georgina still had you trapped against the wall.

A wave of relief washed over you the moment you saw your two partners approach, feeling incredibly thankful that you wouldn't have to deal with Georgina by yourself for much longer. While she was distracted by Blair, you managed to slip past her and slink away over to where Chuck was, seeking his protection and comfort.

He wrapped an arm around your waist immediately, pulling you in close. You pressed yourself against him, almost as though you were trying to sink your body into his as a way to hide.

"What, I'm not allowed to have a bit of fun every now and then?" Georgina replied before taking a lazy sip of her champagne glass, appearing unbothered. "They certainly seemed into it," she added while pointing to you.

Blair let out a scoff of offense and Chuck's arm tightened its grip on your body, neither one of them amused by her response in the slightest. "I don't want to ever see you near them again, do you hear me?"

While Blair spoke to Georgina, you turned your head away and pressed your face into Chuck's shoulder, clearly just as upset over the situation as they were. They both knew that you tended to get clingy at times, especially when someone else dared to fraternize with you in a way that went beyond a mere cordial conversation.

"I wanna go home," you mumbled just loud enough for him to be able to hear, your hands gently clutching at his suit as a way to help ground yourself.

"I know you do, baby. We're going right now," he gently reassured while rubbing your waist in a comforting manner, leaning in to press a light kiss to the top of your head.

After having successfully chewed Georgina out for her overstepping when it came to your personal space, Blair turned back in your direction, softening her gaze somewhat when she saw you. "Come on, sweetheart. We can go now."

The two of them led you out of the party, one on either side of you so nobody else would think it was okay to come bother you. Once you got outside, Chuck opened the door of the limo and Blair helped you get in, your body sandwiched snuggly between theirs as the limo began to drive away.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry she messed with you," Blair cooed in a soft and sympathetic tone as she placed her hand on top of yours and gave your face a gentle kiss. "You're ours, nobody else's, got it?"

You nodded your head in understanding at her words, letting out a slight gasp when you felt Chuck's hand begin to move between your thighs. "Of course. Only yours, nobody else's."

"Good pet," he muttered next to your ear before brushing his lips along your jaw. "We're going to show you just how much you belong to us. Is that alright, sweet thing?"

A shiver of arousal went down your spine at his words, his voice smooth and deep like a glass of whiskey. "Y- Yeah, it's alright. It's more than alright."

He let out a hum in response to your words as his hands moved to help you remove the bottom half of your clothing, Blair leaving behind a trail of kisses on your neck as he did so. Your eyes fluttered shut as you let out a sigh of content, a breathy moan being pulled from your lips when you felt Chuck's fingers plunge deep inside your aching and needy hole.

Your walls clenched around his fingers as he thrusted them in and out in a slow and methodical approach while Blair continued to lavish you with kiss upon kiss. They both spoke loving words of praise as they pleasured you, your girlfriend resting her hands on your thighs in order to help keep them open so your boyfriend could continue to finger you without having to worry about your legs closing around his hand.

Their mouths both remained on your neck, your head tilting back on instinct as they kissed and nipped and sucked, covering the previously unblemished skin with dark purple marks. Your desperate noises filled up the back of the limo, whiny pants and moans escaping from you with each touch, with each kiss, with each word of praise.

It wasn't very long before you reached your peak, your back arching and your toes curling as you felt the tightly wound coil inside you snap, a wave of intense pleasure washing over you. They used a spare towel kept in the backseat for moments like this to help clean you up, Blair telling you just how proud of you she was while Chuck held you in a comforting embrace, nuzzling his face into the back of your neck.

You ended up dozing off in the backseat on the ride home, which was perfectly fine with them as they had more private matters to discuss anyway, namely what was going to be done about Georgina. If you thought they were just going to let something like this go, then you'd be sorely mistaken. They'd find a way to get payback on her soon enough, but for now they were just content to watch you sleep.

[allisonreader]

Christmas decorating that was done at work this week.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

my greatest achievement in DA2 is maxing out Carver's friendship

and all it took was begrudgingly kissing a little templar ass in act 1 because Carver didn't want to plan a prison break if my Hawke got his ass arrested for being stupid.

[m0e-ru]

lets think of everyone who had persona blogs and obliterated them off the face of the earth instead of just archiving and keep them in our thoughts tonight. everyone else who directly caused them into doing that go and fucking behave

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[fidgetspringer]

- Marten & Nohren -

[flower-zombie-rob]

Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.

[louderfade]

exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.

[sfiltron]

Not to be a hater, but I'm tired of watching so many posts (on Instagram, I have been using it a lot lately bc of friends and it is destroying my brain /neg) talking about "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" and "I'm great at flirting *gives a heart to an story and never talks*".

I had been living in a blissful world where having a partner was something that some people on the internet and my sister had, not an overwhelming constant of teenage worry that had people crying because. I'm so tired of friends thinking about it constantly, friends being desperate to "not be alone", hearing all these stories about friends' friends having terrible miscommunication with their partners.

I'm tired of hearing about something I kind of get the appeal but don't really understand, I'm tired of hearing my friends getting hurt by feelings I can't get and at the same time feeling like I can't help them. I want them to not feel these complex feelings about someone they don't really know, I want to see them happy, meeting people they don't get overly attached before knowing if those people are at least decent human beings, and I want everyone to stop playing this games of trying to meet others without "looking like a creep", and I want them to not be scared, and I want them to be strong enough to cut contact with people that does them wrong.

I don't know how to help them, because, by literal words, they are both getting weird chemicals in their brain that makes them not control for who they fall over, AND there is this weird societal expectation for when you want to get to someone that I can't BEGIN to understand, since NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT, but it still looms over people's actions, it is an implicit vibe, and I don't know if it's people's anxiety derived from having a crush, or if it's something deeper, but it MADDENS me.

I'm just- My personal mental health is exponentially better this time where I have a good chunk of friends, and I have gotten socialization and all that shit, but it also feels like I'm still an outsider, like I'm looking through a window at all this people with their own struggles that I'm having trouble to comprehend because I don't have them, and I'm supposed to just accept it, accept that this is reality, and the only thing I can do is recommended better forms for them to communicate.

I need less romantic love in this world. I want people being friends, I just want good groups of friends, and everyone working on having better communicate.

[obxfiles]

trying to determine self sabotage vs. self preservation