#and how kim at first wants to take the picture so he can’t be called crazy

[palin-tropos]

harry being so prominent in the photo of the phasmid feels like an intentional choice on kim’s part. as if he wanted to immortalize harry in the annals of history. long after they’re both gone, they’ll be remembered like this. harry du bois will always be the man reaching out in wonder to the insulindian phasmid. it drives me crazy, the Gaze of it is so tender.

[dreaming-medium]

Just Look Up

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x reader

Word count: 4.4K

Tags: Angst, pining, fluff, best friends to lovers

Summary: Seungmin’s been watching you from an arm’s length for so long, his heart yearning to be closer to you. All he wants is to to hold you, to be held by you. Why can’t you just look up and notice how much he loves you? Why do you stay with your horribly toxic boyfriend when Seungmin’s right there?

Author’s note: Please listen to this song and picture Seungmin singing it, oh god it destroys me.

Warning!!! The reader has a pretty toxic boyfriend in this fic!!

————————————————————————

How are you this perfect? How can you go day to day being so flawless and not even realize just how breathtaking you are?

After being best friends for years, there isn’t a single hour of the day that Seungmin hasn’t seen you at, and never once have you been anything but amazing. Even when your hair is frizzy and tied up, face puffy from sleep, eyes bleary and asymmetrical, you’re still gorgeous.

Just the thought of you alone has Kim Seungmin weak in the knees. Every little quirk of yours drives him crazy. From the way you stick your tongue out when you concentrate to the way you always overcook your rice.

He craves the simple, sweet, delightful smell of your apartment. The way your TV is always on even if you’re not watching it. The way every room in the house is spotless except for your bedroom which goes from organized to a disaster in just a few short days.

Seungmin can never get enough of you. Never has been able to, and he never will.

Which is why it hurts so bad that you’re with someone else. You and your boyfriend have been together for four months. Four painful, excruciating months.

The guy doesn’t even understand how good he has it. He does t grasp how lucky he is to have captured your heart.

What is Seungmin supposed to do when he comes over for movie night and that jackass is sitting on the couch next to you? His stomach flips and churns uncontrollably until he makes up some lame excuse to leave early.

Your boyfriend doesn’t even treat you the way you deserve and it boils Seungmin’s blood.

Right before his very eyes, he watches as your chump of a boyfriend drops your hand when you tried to hold it during a big group dinner. Seungmin had been sitting directly across from the two of you at the large table full of a mixed bag of friends.

Innocently, and with the most adorable smile ever, you reached down and laced your fingers with your boyfriends. As if you burned him, he drops your hand and motions down to his food.

“How am I supposed to eat if you’re holding my hand?” he asks with an annoyed tilt to his tone.

“Oh,” you frown, that gorgeous smile of yours was wiped off your face. “Sorry, hon.”

“It’s whatever,” he replies and goes back to the conversation that he was in beforehand.

Meanwhile Seungmin was seething. He watched the entire interaction like some sort of car accident. Does the guy need two hands to eat? What kind of lame excuse was that?

The rest of the night, your mood was different. Your smile didn’t reach your eyes. And your laughter sounded fake and hollow.

No one seemed to notice.

No one except for Seungmin who took it upon himself to go up to the bar and order your favorite drink on his way to the bathroom. He told the waiter not to say anything about him being the one to order it.

It was already in front of you when he returned from the restroom.

“Look, Minnie!” you chirp while he’a sitting down. “The bartender said they made an extra by accident and gave us this drink on the house!”

A rainbow stretches over his heart at how happy you sound. But dark clouds come crashing through just as quickly.

Your boyfriend look down at the drink as you were about to take your first sip.

“Hey!” he calls out and places his hand over the top of the drink before you could even taste it. “You’re the one driving home.”

Your expression fell. “What? But you said you would drive home this time.” You look around the table and lower your voice to keep it between the two of you. “I’ve driven home every time we’ve gone out, I never get to—“

Your boyfriend slides the drink away from in front of you at the same time he kisses your lips gently. You don’t respond to the kiss at all, you don’t even close your eyes. “Thanks, babe. You’re the best.”

He leans away from you and picks the drink up, taking a sip from the straw. His face twists up in a disgusted expression.

“Fuck, what even is this?” he asks, looking down at the drink.

“It’s a Long Island…” you murmur, looking down at the table.

“Who drinks this shit?” He places it down on the table and pushes it away from him.

You do. It’s your favorite drink. You always order a Long Island no matter where you go. How does the guy not know that? What boyfriend doesn’t know his girlfriend’s favorite drink?

What kind of shit head does that?

Seungmin is seeing red. He wants to vault the table and throttle the guy. His shoulders are shaking he’s so angry.

Your demeanor drops even further through the floor, taking Seungmin’s heart with you. No matter what conversation anyone tries to pull you into, you only offer one word answers.

Your boyfriend barely pays any mind to you.

Seungmin nudges your ankle underneath the table. You look up at him with dull eyes. He motions for a writing utensil in the air.

You think for a moment, turning and fishing through your purse until you pull out a pen and hand it to him.

He flips the paper placemat over on the table and draws a tic-tac-toe board on the back. He draws one ‘X’ in a box and then slides it across the table at you.

When you look down, the corner of your lip quirks in a tiny smile. You take the pen and draw an ‘O’ in another box, then slide it back to him.

This continues a few times before the game comes out to a tie.

Wordlessly, he meets your eyes with a cocked eyebrow. You nod. He draws another board and you do it again.

With each X and O that’s drawn on the back of the paper placemat, life returns to your eyes. You even let out a few giggles when Seungmin makes a ridiculously terrible move.

Each and every game comes out in a tie until you make a specific, unbeatable move. Seungmin looks down at the board for a few drawn out seconds.

He bites his lip with a grin. “There’s no move I can do that you won’t win.”

“I know!” you cheer and laugh. “I mastered the technique.”

“You didn’t master shit,” he grumbles in fake annoyance. “You cheated.”

Balking, you gasp. “I never cheat, Kim Seungmin.”

“Well, you just cheated at tic-tac-toe so you’re also a liar.”

“I didn’t cheat!

“Did so.”

“Did n—“ You’re cut off by a hand on your arm.

“We’re going.” Your boyfriend’s voice is gruff, slurred, and a bit agitated.

For what seems like the hundredth time tonight, your face falls when you look at him. “What do you mean? We just finished dinner and I thought that we’re going to the karaoke bar after this.”

“Not anymore.” He grabs your jacket off the back of your chair. “Come on, get your purse, we’re going.”

“But—“

“We’re going.”

Your body tenses and your mouth flies shut.

By the flush that crawls up your neck, Seungmin can tell you’re embarrassed. Embarrassed that you would let someone speak to you this way. Embarrassed because now most of your friends were watching you both closely.

You’ve always hated confrontation.

You take a deep breath and push back from the table, seemingly giving up. Seungmin has had enough.

“I think she wants to stay,” Seungmin says from across the table. “Can’t you call an Uber or have someone else take you home?”

Your boyfriend’s eyes flash with anger. “Hey, why don’t you stay out of our business?”

Seungmin’s nose twitches, he’s gripping the pen in his hand so hard it might snap in half.

“I just think that you’re ignoring the fact that she doesn’t want to leave.”

You look over at Seungmin. “It’s okay, Minnie. I’ll go out another time, promise.”

His gaze softens when you call his name.

“Yeah, Minnie, she’ll go out another time.” Your slime of a significant other slides his arm around your waist and pulls you away from the table.

You only fight his pull for a moment, glaring at the side of your boyfriend’s face before looking over at Seungmin one last time.

You’re apologizing with your eyes. Seungmin can read you too well. The two of you never needed words to communicate.

Then, you’re gone. And everyone else around him continues to talk as if nothing happened.

Seungmin flexes his jaw while he fights back his anger. A small part of him wants to run after the two of you and deck your boyfriend in the parking lot.

But, it’s not worth it. Who knows how you’d react to that.

He looks down at the paper placemat and draws your final ‘O’, drawing the line across to signify your win.

Seungmin doesn’t go to the karaoke bar that night either.

____________________________________

It was the next night when you texted him.

[January 10 1:26 AM]

Y/N: Are you awake?

Seungmin was about three seconds from sleep when his phone buzzed. Normally, he would ignore it and answer in the morning, but something in his brain told him to roll over and check anyway.

His eyes widened at your text, his thumbs flying to answer you.

Seungmin: I am, what’s up?

Y/N: Can you come over?

This late? You’re asking him to come over now? Sure, it’s a Saturday but it’s still strange.

Y/N: Please. I need you here.

Seungmin: I’ll be there in 10

He only took seven minutes to get to your apartment. The other three were spent jogging through the parking lot and up the stairs to your floor.

Only one knock lands on the door before you rip it open.

Seungmin’s heart falls through his chest.

You’re looking up at him with red rimmed, glassy eyes. Tears flowing down your flushed cheeks.

“Hi, Minnie,” you choke out.

Seungmin steps inside and looks all over your body, trying to find any sign of an injury or anything. “What’s going on?” he asks in alarm.

He cups your cheeks and looks in your eyes after kicking the door shut. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” you cry. “‘M sorry if I scared you.” Another sob wracks your chest. You throw your arms around Seungmin, burying your face into his chest. His own arms immediately fly around your body.

“I broke up with him,” you mumble into Seungmin’s hoodie.

It’s shameful how his spirits lifted. Internally, Seungmin wants to pump his fist in the air and jump around. He wants to stand on your balcony and scream victory at the top of his lungs.

But externally, he keeps his cool, one hand moving to rub your back in soothing circles.

Fucking finally.

“What happened?” he asks gently, resting his chin on the top of your head.

You force a dry laugh. “It’s been coming for a while, I couldn’t fucking stand the way he talked to me last night.”

Seungmin laughs under his breath. Yeah, yeah he saw it. He wasn’t the only one that wondered why the hell you were still with the guy.

“He always talked to me like trust. I just…” You sniff and bury your face further into Seungmin’s hoodie. “I think I just liked having someone, you know?”

Seungmin’s heart clenches.

“It was nice having someone who at least pretended to like me like that.”

Do you not see him? Do you not see the way he looks at you whenever you walk into a room? How his entire demeanor perks up by your very presence?

If he had a tail, it would wag whenever you blessed him with your presence.

You let out another sob and hold him closer. “God, why am I crying so much?”

Seungmin grabs both of your upper arms and rubs up and down a few times. “Here,” he says gently. “Why don’t you sit on the couch and I’ll make you some tea, okay?”

Nodding, you pull away from him and wipe at your cheeks with your sweater sleeves. “Yeah, okay.”

He reaches out and uses his own sweatshirt sleeve to wipe at your cheeks with great care. “I’ll only be a few seconds, okay?”

Again, you nod. But your body makes no move away from him. You lean into his gentle touch, craving the closeness of it all. Eyes sliding close, your lip quivers with more cries.

His fingers poke out from the sleeve and run down your tear-stained cheek. His hands are always so warm.

It could be the dead of winter or the middle of summer, his hands were always warmer than yours. But even an ice sculpture’s body held more heat than yours did.

On several occasions, you would shove your hands into Seungmin’s pockets to thaw your frozen digits.

He can still remember last winter where you unzipped his huge, puffy jacket and then zipped it back up with you inside of it, your back to his chest. Seungmin can’t remember a time where his heart was beating faster than that day.

He had warmed you right back up, gladly sharing his body heat to keep you toasty warm. He even went as far as wrapping his scarf around both of you.

The bus came late that night to pick the two of you up from that stop and he was grateful for every single second he got to spend wrapped around you.

You’ve always been his soft spot.

Seungmin cups your cheeks with both hands, thumbs swiping away the tears that keep falling. Your tongue pokes from your lips and then you bring your bottom lip between your teeth.

“Tea will make you better,” he whispers. Seungmin leans forward and presses his lips to your forehead.

The happy sigh that you let out doesn’t escape his notice. It was a sigh that was reserved for when you were relaxing after being tense for so long.

He’s heard it after you’ve kicked your shoes off after a long work day. After the first bite of a hot dinner. After curling up in a cozy blanket on Friday night.

And now when his lips meet your skin.

It wraps around his heart and squeezes even tighter.

He pulls away first and nudges you backwards a bit. “Go sit down.”

“Okay,” you answer with a whisper, turning and making your way to the couch while he moves into the kitchen.

He meanders around like it’s second nature, there’s not a single dish in your kitchen that he doesn’t know where it is.

There’s a pan full of cold food sitting on top of the stove. It looks like it was never served.

So, you haven’t even eaten.

Seungmin clicks the burner on to reheat the food while he switches the electric kettle on.

When he comes in with a full plate of food and hot tea, you’re on your phone with a scowl on your face.

“What is it?” He decides to be nosy.

“He’s texting me.” You don’t look up at Seungmin as he places everything on the coffee table in front of you.

“Don’t answer,” he says simply.

“I’m not. But he’s just…” you trail off. “Being so mean.”

Seungmin’s eyebrows furrow. “Show me.”

You only hesitate for a moment before showing him your phone.

[January 10 2:02 AM]

DON’T ANSWER: I’ll be here when you decide to stop being a bitch and remember you need me.

DON’T ANSWER: As if you could even do any better than me, did you think about that? Have you seen yourself and then looked at me?

DON’T ANSWER: You’re the one who said relationships are all about compromise and some shit. So why are you making all the fucking rules?

DON’T ANSWER: so now you’re not even going to answer??? You’re leaving me on read??

DON’T ANSWER: cunt

DON’T ANSWER: couldn’t even give good head, what good are you for anyway.

The rage Seungmin felt last night is nothing compared to what he feels right now. His hands are shaking with thinly veiled anger. His eyebrows are furrowed so much his face might start cramping.

He grabs your phone away from you and looks closer at the texts to make sure his eyes are seeing this right.

“Don’t say anything,” you say quickly.

“I won’t,” Seungmin replies angrily. His teeth might shatter from how hard he’s clenching his jaw.

Who the fuck says this to someone? Someone with a majorly bruised ego, that’s who.

He takes it upon himself to tap through your ex-boyfriend’s contact and block him. Your phone is thrown onto the coffee table soon after.

You don’t address it. You sip your tea and take an uneasy bite out of your food.

Seungmin’s leg starts bouncing on the floor. He’s never been a particularly angry guy, his emotions are always in check. Usually with situations that get him upset, he lets it roll off his shoulders.

But that’s when it’s about him. This is about you.

You, who finally stood up for yourself and you’re getting shit for it.

The sound of the plate and mug being placed on the coffee table hits his ears.

“Minnie,” you say gently, letting your hand slide up his arm. “I think you’re more upset about those texts than I am.”

Seungmin huffs and bites his lip. “How could he say that shit about you?”

“I wounded his fragile ego, that’s why,” you chuckle dryly.

Your touch is soothing. Like an ice pack on a burn.

“What happened?” he asks, looking over at you. “What happened between the two of you?”

You gulp and avoid his eyes. “After last night when we got home, I didn’t say a word to him, I didn’t have the energy for it. I dropped him off at his apartment and he got so mad that I didn’t stay the night.”

Your legs pull up under you, your hand drops from Seungmin’s arm to wrap around yourself. “He came over tonight since we usually have dinner on Saturdays together and just… everything went to shit before we ate. I told him how he spoke to me and acted yesterday was unacceptable and he just went off on me.”

You’re right, though. It was unacceptable. It was uncalled for, rude, toxic, disgusting, all the above.

“I said I was done. He blew up; spouting all this nonsense about how he’s the best I’ll ever have and blah blah blah.” You pause and let out another dry laugh of disbelief. “It’s funny cause he’s actually the worst. Even my dumb high school and college boyfriends were better than him.”

A small furl of jealousy bubbles in Seungmin’s gut, but he stamps it down.

“Why were you with him for so long, Y/N?” The questions comes out of his mouth before he could stop it. You stayed with the guy for four months, about to hit five.

You swallow thickly. “Loneliness?” You shrug and fiddle with your hands in your lap. “I… I liked the way he looked at me in the beginning I guess. It made me feel wanted.”

How was he looking at you any differently than Seungmin was? He stares at you every single day with his big puppy dog eyes just waiting for you to look up!

Just look up!

“I was…” Again, you hesitate, trailing off and biting your lip nervously. “I was trying to get over someone else truth be told. After pining for so long I couldn’t take the one sidedness of it.”

Seungmin feels his heart crack. God, how much more of this can he take? Even before all of this, someone else had your heart?

“So, it’s like I’m back to square one again.” You run your fingers through your already messy hair.

“You still have feelings for this person?”

“Yeah.” You look around the room and then directly at Seungmin. “They never went away. Maybe that’s why I’m so upset. Not because of my ex but because I have to go back to yearning for him to just look up and see how much I like him.”

He’s trying so hard to be a good friend, he really is. His happiness at your freedom was so short lived. He got, what? Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes of hope.

But he needs to be supportive.

“Y/N.” His voice cracks when he says your name. “You’re… amazing and beautiful and intelligent. I’m sure whoever has your heart would bend over backwards for an opportunity to be with you.”

Your eyes sparkle when he speaks.

Fuck, stop making this harder than it already has to be, please.

“You think so?”

“I know so. If it’s a guy, you just gotta be direct. Look him right in the eye and say ‘I have feelings for you’”

You tongue your cheek and think about something for a long five seconds before speaking up again. You stare at Seungmin directly in the eye and speak.

“I have feelings for you.”

“Yeah, just like that. See? It’s easy.”

“I have feelings for you,” you repeat with a little more feeling. He can’t look at you anymore. It hurts too much.

Seungmin’s head hangs down a bit, hair falling in front of his eyes. “Yeah, Y/N. You got the hang of it.”

“No, Seungmin.” You crawl closer to him on the couch until you’re kneeling directly next to him. You take his face in both of your hands. “I have feelings for you.”

What?

Is the world still turning? Is he awake? Is he interpreting this right? Are you still practicing?

“Huh?” Smooth, Kim, smooth.

“Seungmin, I have feelings for you. I have for so long and I was so scared of losing you as a friend so I didn’t say anything.”

His brain is malfunctioning. His heart surely is going to explode from the fluctuations in his heart rate.

Him? You had feelings for him this whole time? Is he breathing?

“It just seemed like you didn’t feel the same, so I kept it to myself and tried to move on. I’m sorry if this makes things awkward between us.”

“Me?” The word is hoarse when it comes out.

“Yes, you.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Yes, Seungmin.”

“Oh my god.”

He says it under his breath as his body acts on its own. He grabs your face the same way you’re holding his and smashes your lips together.

It feels so right. Your lips are so soft against his, he could cry. They’re everything he dreamed they would be and more. No amount of daydreaming compares to how it feels to finally kiss you.

His bottom lip slots between both of yours while his hands slide all over your body. They start on your face just for one to thread in your hair while the other comes down to your waist.

Your mouths open and close like mirror images of one another, lips sliding over each other. Your own fingers slide into his hair while the other caresses his jawline as it moves.

He could die right now and he would be happy. Anyone could tell him anything and it would be okay.

Seungmin would give you the world if you asked him to. He’s absolutely on cloud nine, his head in space.

Small hums and groans come from both of your throats the longer your mouths slide over one another. He’s never felt more alive, more awake than he does right now.

He can barely feel his legs.

Seungmin didn’t even realize how much he was leaning into you until you lose your balance and fall back on the couch, his body quickly coming up to hover over yours.

Your lips don’t stay separated for long at all.

When they meet again, your tongue slides along his lips and Seungmin swears he hears angels singing. You taste like tea and happiness.

Your tongues tango for a while. His chest flush against yours. Can you feel his heart hammering against his rib cage? Can you taste the years of desperation on his lips?

All this time he thought you were just ships passing in the night.

“I’ve loved you for so long, Y/N,” he murmurs into your mouth. You suck on his bottom lip and a shiver races up Seungmin’s spine. “You’re the one that needed to look up, idiot.”

Pulling back, you stare up at him like he hung the moon.

“Do you mean it?” Your fingers trail over his face, tracing the soft lines of his features. When they run over his lips, he purses and kisses the pads.

“Every word.” He grabs your hand and holds it to his cheek. “These past few months have been torture, Y/N. I’ve been waiting for so long for you to see me like I see you.”

You gulp and stare deeply into those big, brown puppy dog eyes. “I can’t believe it. This is real, right?”

With a laugh, Seungmin pinches your side with his free hand. You yelp and giggle.

“I should ask you to pinch me.”

You grin wider.

His eyes fall to your lips. Seungmin is only able to control himself for another three seconds before he dips down and captures them with his own once more.

Your smile doesn’t fade even as you wrap your arms around his neck. It’s so contagious that his own grin blossoms against your sweet lips.

The long, heated kisses dissolve into delicate pecks since neither of you can control your happiness. Your lips are stretched too wide to properly interlock them.

The happiness shared between your hearts is overflowing. The dams that were holding back your feelings for years have finally burst.

No longer do you need to hang onto fleeting moments and cling to hoodies forgotten at your apartment.

You sigh. Your happy little sigh huffs out of your nose.

Seungmin’s heart sings with joy, it grows wings and flies from his chest and into orbit. You’re everything he ever needed.

And all he needed to do was look up.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

“God, I love you too.”

[junekissed]

a boyfriend for christmas

member — best friend!wonwoo x reader genre — friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, fake dating, angst, fluff, maybe a teeny bit suggestive if you read it upside down and backwards word count — 2.5k warnings — oh boy there's a bit of Angst, but it's resolved asap don't fret, possessive wonu (but it's healthy i promise), feat. coworker!mingyu who kinda gets thrown under the bus oops notes — requested by @glowonu — for my winter wonderland event: wonwoo + "a boyfriend for christmas". it is entirely possible this one may have an nsfw sequel but i make no promises!! hope you enjoy, please lmk if you do :)

one reblog = one best friend turned boyfriend

“won, i need a favor.”

your sweet voice spouts from the speaker on wonwoo’s phone, and he grins. it’s always a good day when he gets to hear your voice. “what kind of favor?”

“i need you to be my boyfriend for christmas.”

he raises his eyebrows. “excuse me?”

“listen, just hear me out. please.”

the desperation in your voice is enough to make him pause and wait for you to explain. he’s known you long enough to know that you wouldn’t call out of nowhere and make a statement as crazy as this without good reason, but he still can’t say the offer isn’t… interesting.

when you realize he hasn’t hung up on you yet, you rush to tell him what happened.

“so, you remember i told you about kim mingyu, my coworker?” you start hurriedly.

“mhm,” he says, tone deadpan. he’s never liked mingyu, since the first time he hit on you at the party you held when you were first hired. it was your dream job, one you’d been working towards your whole life, and he was so incredibly proud of you. and you were proud too; you loved your job, except for one thing: your prick of a coworker, mingyu. sure, maybe he’d never technically done anything other than annoy you, but wonwoo had a bad feeling about him from the start.

“well, you know he keeps flirting with me and he wanted me to be his—date,” you whisper the last part, as if it’s a terrible secret, though wonwoo can’t understand why, “for the office christmas party, and—”

“why didn’t you tell him yes?” wonwoo interrupts, almost bitterly.

you frown into the phone at his response. why would he want you to say yes? “because? i don’t like him that way and he makes me vaguely uncomfortable? what more do you–”

“so why am i involved, then?” he interrupts again.

you narrow your eyes, though he can’t see you. “why are you being so bitchy?”

the silence you’re met with makes you furrow your eyebrows even more. “fine, i don’t need your help,” you huff, slamming the ‘end call’ button.

an awkward few seconds pass while you attempt to process what just happened, fighting back tears you’re too angry to cry.

the sound of your ringtone startles you out of your annoyance, and you hesitantly accept the call.

“what do you need me to do?”

wonwoo still feels a little guilty about how he responded. after you’ve explained your plan, but it really isn’t his fault.

you want him to go with you to the annual christmas party and pretend to be your boyfriend so mingyu might finally get the message you’re not interested and leave you alone. take a couple pictures together to post online, get cozy at the open bar, go home together at the end of the night where wonwoo will drop you off at your house like nothing ever happened. a simple plan, over and done with in a few hours, max.

it really isn’t his fault because of the massive crush he’s had on you, his best friend, since you were teenagers. and yeah, maybe he’s been working up the courage to ask you out for the last six years and you basically doing it for him was a blow to his pride and he reacted badly. he doesn’t want to be your fake boyfriend, he wants to be your real boyfriend.

but you had asked him because you trusted him, and he wasn’t about to let you down, especially when someone like your bratty coworker was involved. maybe he’ll finally get it through his thick head that you’re too good for him, wonwoo thinks, maybe a bit more cruelly than the man deserves.

it had been a tuesday night when you’d called him, and as the days inch closer to the friday night party, he can’t help but grow more and more anxious.

would it be too forward if he treated this one-time thing like practice for the future (if he can ever bring himself to actually ask you)? or should he act stoic like he always does and pretend his heart isn’t beating out of his chest when he thinks about people seeing him with you and thinking you’re together?

he knows it’s not that formal of a party, more like after work drinks among coworkers, but some part of him wants to look his very best. maybe it’s some man thing, needing to show off in front of mingyu that might get him to back off. but maybe it’s not for mingyu at all; maybe it’s for you, like if he proves he’s attractive enough, then you might want him like he’s wanted you so badly all these years.

and yeah, maybe it’s crazy that he spent half his savings account on getting a custom-tailored suit for just a couple hours at some cheap bar in the city, but he’s never been one to back down from a challenge and he’s not about to start now. even if the challenge is only in his head.

friday night rolls around before you know it, and as the clock counts down the minutes until wonwoo is supposed to show up at your front door and take you to the christmas party, you’re still standing frozen in front of your closet, struggling to find something to wear.

do you go all out and wear your sexiest cocktail dress? is that trying too hard? wouldn’t that have the opposite effect of what you’re trying to do here?

or, do you go for the wallflower approach and wear a simple, modest pantsuit, hoping you won’t be so boring you push wonwoo away for good?

unbeknownst to you, somewhere on the other side of town, wonwoo is having the same dilemma, wondering if all that money on a fancy outfit was really worth it.

you both sigh, anxious to get the night started and for it to end.

truthfully, the situation with mingyu isn’t nearly as massive as you’ve played it up to be. you wouldn’t dare admit it, but the crush you’ve had on wonwoo for ages is partially (totally) what inspired your not-so-genius plan to fake-date your best friend. in reality, what had happened was you’d let mingyu down gently, telling him you would rather just be friends because you were in a complicated situation with someone else. to his credit, he’d graciously withdrawn (not without a sly wink and an offer to call him should your “situation” fall through, of course.)

you finally decide on a dress in between the two extremes: not too flashy, not too plain. wonwoo sticks with the suit.

car lights shine through your front window fifteen minutes later, your cue of wonwoo’s arrival.

you smooth the folds of your dress down and take a deep breath, finally hearing the knock on your door.

wonwoo sucks in a breath when the door opens, revealing you standing there looking the most beautiful he’s ever seen. sure, he helped you get ready for senior prom, his aunt’s wedding, and that one frat party your junior year of college, but none of those times even come close to how amazing his best friend looks in front of him right now.

“hi,” he mumbles shyly, feeling as awkward as a teenager again.

“you look… really nice.” you stumble over your words, eyes fixated on the lapel of his suit. when did he get this hot? and where the hell has he been hiding that suit? it looks expensive...

“ready to go?” he asks, his low voice interrupting your thoughts.

your eyes shoot up from where you’d been staring at the way the suit accentuates his broad chest, embarrassed to have been caught.

“mhm,” you nod, following him out to the car. you really, really want to invite him in, but you don’t know if you’re strong enough to have him inside your house looking like that and not do something you’ll regret.

the drive to the bar is quiet, the car stereo barely audible in the background.

halfway there, wonwoo’s hand finds your lap, resting tentatively on your thigh, almost hovering over the exposed skin. when you settle back into your seat and make no moves to push him away, his grip gets just a little bit tighter.

the bar is loud. that much you know from the second you first step inside.

you glance around, eyes immediately landing on mingyu talking to a group of women, all laughing exaggeratedly at something he said. you smile. maybe tonight will be easy. he won’t bother you again, not when he has so many other, better choices fawning over his every word. and maybe if you’re lucky, wonwoo might finally see what you’ve been trying to tell him all these years.

he leads you to the bar, swiveling a stool for you to sit as he leans against the counter next to you.

“so this is him, huh?” a voice calls from behind you.

you spin around on the barstool as wonwoo turns his head, imperceptibly narrowing his eyes.

none other than mingyu stands with a drink in his hand, grinning devilishly at the two of you.

wonwoo causally slips one arm around your waist, pulling you just barely closer to him. your heart races at the touch, but you keep your face stone still.

“yeah, this is… wonwoo,” you struggle to say.

“her boyfriend,” he adds after you, and you have to fight the urge to shiver in his arms. hearing him say those words feels like a dream, after so long imagining it, all the failed tinder matches you always pretended were him.

there’s a split second where you’re afraid one of the men might do something rash, but almost as quickly as it arrives, the tension dissipates as mingyu beams and sticks out his hand for wonwoo to shake. “nice to meet you, bro. heard a lot about you, you’re a lucky guy.” he looks him up and down casually, letting out a low whistle. “nice suit, by the way.”

your jaw drops, and wonwoo’s ears turn red next to you. he plasters on a smile, reaching over to shake the man’s hand. “funny, i’ve heard a lot about you, too,” he says, a little too calmly. your face flushes, and ooh boy you’re not looking forward to the conversation you’re about to have with him later.

sensing it might be best to leave, mingyu flashes another million dollar smile, nodding at wonwoo. “hope to see you around again, my man.”

“sure,” you squeak out, though he isn't even talking to you.

mingyu walks away, leaving you alone at the bar with your fake date. the building is full of chatter, but the silence between you feels deafening.

“this party’s kinda boring,” he says finally, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “why don’t we go somewhere and talk instead?”

all you can do is nod, unable to form any words as you follow him back outside to his car.

the parking lot outside the bar is quiet as you both sit in silence, waiting for the other to speak.

“so… what did you wanna talk about?” you ask innocently. as if you don’t know exactly what went wrong.

“this wasn’t about mingyu, was it?” his deep voice shatters the silence, and you freeze.

“it wasn’t,” you confirm.

“so what is it, then? you just wanted some arm candy to show off for your coworkers?”

you choke out a ‘no’. hearing him say the words “arm candy” with a straight face is something you never thought you’d live to see. maybe you fainted in wonwoo’s car on the way to the bar at how pretty he looks and this is all a dream, and you’d never even met mingyu tonight.

but he continues, reassuring you this is, in fact, not a dream. “then why’d you lie about mingyu? because he clearly wasn’t as bothered by you turning him down as you said he was.”

“i don’t know…” you manage to whisper.

“i don’t believe that.”

you stare at him, finally reaching a tipping point. “fine. what do you want me to say, that i made up this whole elaborate plan just so we could play pretend and i could live out my fantasy of us being together for one night? is that what you want?”

his eyes widen, clearly not the words he was expecting to come out of your mouth. “you don’t mean that.”

“how would you know?” you retort, starting to get upset. “god, can you just— reject me so i can move on already?”

he blinks a few times, his jaw hanging open in shock. “what?”

“do i really have to spell it out for you, wonwoo? i’ve liked you since we were kids! i thought it was so obvious, but apparently, you just like leading people on!”

“when was i ever leading you on?” he sputters, his face starting to grow red. “why do you think i even agreed to this stupid plan in the first place? you think i’d do this for my friend?”

you open your mouth to fight back, but you stop suddenly, gears turning in your head. “wait. say that again?”

he furrows his eyebrows in annoyance. “say what again?”

“‘you think i’d do this for my friend’,” you repeat back to him. “if i’m not your friend, then… why are you doing this?” you pause, letting the words digest. “what am i to you, wonwoo?”

his mouth opens and closes, searching for words but none come out.

you stay quiet, waiting for him to figure out what he needs to say. you’ve said your piece. now, it's up to him.

“will you go out with me?” he says out of nowhere, breaking the silence.

it’s your turn to be surprised. “what?”

“i… i’ve been trying to figure out how to ask you out for years. that’s why i agreed to do this. because–” his voice cracks slightly, and he clears his throat before continuing, cheeks growing steadily pinker. “because i thought maybe if i did this, you’d see me as… more than a friend.”

he wants to look away, to avoid your piercing gaze, but he can’t draw his eyes away from yours.

your voice is much softer when you finally speak again. “i’ve always seen you as more than a friend,” you say gently.

you clear your throat, sitting up straighter in your seat and turning to face him better. “wonwoo, will you go out with me?”

it takes him a moment to process, but he recovers quickly, breaking into a wide grin. “well, technically i asked you first.”

you roll your eyes and rest a hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him towards you. “will you just kiss me, please?”

and he does, and it’s everything you daydreamed of, everything you waited all these years for, everything your elaborate plan was meant to achieve but almost ended in disaster for. you’re kissing your best friend, and he’s kissing you, and everything is exactly how it should be.

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[the-cookie-of-doom]

Chay takes his first sip of beer under Macau’s careful guidance when the last guest walks in, and the horrible taste of it combined with the sheer shock of the third cousin means most of it ends up sprayed down his shirt, and all eyes are on him as he coughs and desperately gasps for breath, and Chay wants to die. 

Because Macau’s cousin? Is Wik. Wik. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He manages to wheeze, while Macau laughs and thumps on his back. 

“What, you’re a fan?” 

Chay can’t very well say yes, seeing as Wik is right there, ten feet away, watching him with mounting annoyance as if he already knows the answer. Of course he does. And of course he wouldn’t want Chay anywhere near him, his family, on what is supposed to be a private vacation. God, what was Macau thinking, bringing him here?

“Who are you,” Wik asks. His voice is dry enough that Chay feels parched. He can breathe again, and he clutches his beer to his chest like a shield, and not like the thing that almost killed him a second ago. Or maybe that was Wik. Either way, Chay is in danger. 

“Our virgin sacrifice,” Macau says, because apparently once wasn’t enough. “This is Porchay, he’s my friend, don’t be an asshole. Chay, this is my loser cousin, Kim. Who, yeah, is also kind of famous, I guess. Don’t make it weird.”

“Hello,” Porchay says weakly. “I, uh… I really like your music.”

“Thanks.”

Chay feels a strong urge to apologize—and offer to leave right then and there, even if it means calling Porsche to drive the three hours to get him—but he doesn’t get the chance. Wik—Kim—is gone just as fast as he'd appeared, taking his guitar case with him. Strangely it isn’t any easier to breathe in his absence. 

“You’re an asshole,” Chay informs Macau. “You planned that, didn’t you?” His best friend’s shit-eating grin informs him that yes, he had. 

“Dude, your face! I thought you were going to die!”

“I wanted to! That’s so messed up! He’s going to think I’m, like, stalking him, or something.” 

“Nah, probably not. Seriously though, don’t be too weird, or he might kill you.”

Nevermind that, Chay might kill himself. How is he supposed to get through the next two weeks? 

***

Out of respect, Chay does his very best to avoid Kim and stay out of his way. He doesn’t know if the older boy notices, because of the aforementioned avoidance, but he hopes so. He wants Kim to know he’s trying. That he isn’t here to creep on him, that he isn’t one of those psycho fans. Yeah, Chay has a little bit of a shrine at home, but all of the pictures on his wall are from professional photoshoots. No paparazzi photos or creepshots from other fans. Nothing from his personal time. Chay isn’t like that. He doesn’t want to intrude. He just wishes he could explain himself. 

The opportunity comes the next morning. Chay is awake before anyone else; he kicks around in bed for a while, then goes to Macau’s room across the hall, but he’s still fast asleep. Chay isn’t comfortable enough to go explore, but eventually his stomach drives him in search of the kitchen. It’s massive, borderline industrial, and fully stocked to feed an army. It’s ridiculous. 

Chay is cracking eggs into a pan when he hears another set of footsteps, seconds before he’s greeted by Kim’s handsome, scowling face. He must have just rolled out of bed; he’s wearing soft-looking lounge clothes, barefoot, and his hair is just messy enough that it could be intentional, if not for the softness around his eyes. Softness that disappears as soon as they land on Chay. 

“... Good morning,” Chay greets, with an awkward smile. He turns back to the stove, trying to communicate I’m not watching, just ignore me. It must work, because rather than turn back the way he came, Kim joins him in the kitchen. 

“Hi,” is all he says, and Chay is content with that. 

There’s a fancy-looking espresso machine at its own coffee station. Kim takes up his post in front of it, grinding down coffee beans and pressing them into the filter. He takes down two small glasses and sets them beneath. Soon, the rich scent of fresh coffee fills the kitchen, the espresso machine's pop and hiss accompanying the sound of frying eggs. 

“Do you want me to make you something?” Chay offers, not turning around. 

“No.” 

Kim doesn’t say anything else. Neither does Chay. He chews on his bottom lip until his breakfast is finished, and he plates his eggs on a pile of sticky rice. 

This might be my only chance. 

“I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. By being here, I mean,” Chay starts. “I swear I had no idea when Macau invited me. He said he was just coming here with his cousins. I-I wouldn’t have agreed. If I knew. I promise.” 

Kim turns to face him fully, leaning back against the counter. Chay fidgets beneath the weight of his gaze. “Really?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like he believes Chay one way or the other. 

“Yeah, yes, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m obviously,” he waves his hand between them, “You know, but like. You’re with your family. That’s not my business… Or anyone else’s,” he adds, trying to reassure Kim he isn’t going to tell anyone about anything that happens on this trip, without saying that outloud and reminding him it was ever a risk in the first place. 

“Hmm.” 

Please believe me. Even if they never see each other again—Chay will leave right now if Kim tells him to, he’ll figure it out—he needs Kim to believe this. That Chay isn’t another vulture trying to take more of him than Kim is willing to give, as if it’s something he’s owed just because he’s a fan. 

“Porchay, right?” Chay nods. “How do you know my cousin?” 

“We go to school together.” 

Kim looks at him doubtfully. Chay’s face goes hot, and reminds himself what Porsche told him before he left; just because they’re rich doesn’t mean they’re better than you, don’t forget that. 

“I’m, uh, I’m there on scholarship.”

“Really? That’s not an easy scholarship to get.” No kidding. Chay took a summer prep course for the entrance exam and that alone was almost too much. The exam itself nearly made him pass out. “What was your score?”

“Uh… One hundred percent.”

“Bullshit.” 

Chay flushes, equal parts embarrassed and something slightly less than angry. “They made me take it twice. The proctors thought I cheated the first time.” He didn’t. He’d spent the entire summer studying, because Porsche told him this is what he needed to do for his future. To make their parents proud. Chay never knew their parents; he just wanted Porsche to be happy, and to repay him for being such a good brother. 

“And you got the same score?”

“... Ninety-eight percent, the second time.” He was terrified, and that meant he made mistakes he wouldn’t have otherwise. 

“Still nearly perfect.” Kim regards him carefully, his head tilted, and Chay is too incensed to properly appreciate the flex of Kim’s bare arms across his chest. “Interesting.” 

Chay thinks that maybe, from anyone else, interesting might have meant impressive. 

Kim turns his back on him again, then, leaving Chay to eat his now-cold breakfast while he finishes his coffee. Neither say anything else. It’s painful in a way silence always is for him—to Chay, silence means loneliness, means sitting at home and waiting for his brother to walk through the door, bloody and beaten, or it means hiding from debt collectors—but Chay refuses to break it again. 

He also refuses to look at Kim, which is why he startles when a porcelain cup is set down in front of him with a delicate clink, a cappuccino with delicate-looking latte art and a dusting of cocoa powder. He looks up and Kim’s back is already to him again as he finishes making his own coffee. He cleans the espresso machine, puts away his tools, and leaves without another word, no doubt in search of a better refuge to enjoy his morning coffee, without Chay breathing down his neck. Even though Chay already wasn’t doing that. 

Whatever, it’s not like it matters. 

Chay picks up his latte. He’s a little bit mad at how good it is, blooming rich and smooth on his tongue, and not overly sweet. 

Like Kim, he thinks, glowering into the milk foam. 

[gunilslaugh]

Can't Move On

Kim Jungsu Summary: Jungsu can’t move on from you. (idol au) WC:774 Warning:angst

photo not mine credits to owner.

Jungsu grabs his phone and goes to text you. That’s until he freezes, remembering that the two of you aren’t together anymore.

“I’m sorry Jungsu. I just can’t do this anymore.” Your words play over in his head again. They hurt just as much recalling them months later as when you first said them. He stares down at his home screen that is still a picture of you. It’s a candid Gunil took of you smiling brightly at Jungsu. Jungsu is out of the frame, so if anyone saw the picture without context they wouldn’t know what you're smiling about, but Jungsu remembers that day all too well. 

The guys had been away on tour. Preventing the two of you from seeing each other for a while. The day that photo was taken was on the day the two of you would finally see one another again. Originally the boys were taking photos and videos of the moment to tease Jungsu later on. To show him how pathetically, utterly in love with you he was, but what they captured instead was how pathetically, utterly in love you were with Jungsu too. What they captured was a very beautiful heartfelt moment shared between two lovers. You met Jungsu right outside of his workplace. Instantly smiling and running towards him when you saw him walk out of the doors. 

“Jungsu!” you called him oh so lovingly. 

“Y/n!” he called you back just as lovingly, if not more. He opened his arms wide, waiting for you to run into them. He swears it felt like a warm wave of happiness hit him as soon as he felt your body against his. Nothing could have taken the smiles off of either of your faces in that moment.

So what happened? Jungsu feels his chest tighten. Recalling what was once one of the happiest days of his life now brings him painful sorrow. When did you stop smiling so brightly when you saw him? When did the love you had for him start to disappear? 

Was it when his schedule got the busiest it ever got? Did that make you realize that Jungsu couldn’t give you the love you wanted? Jungsu doesn’t want to think so. You were always so understanding about the restraints his job would inflict on your relationship. Even when those restraints bothered you, you always talked to him about it, so that the two of you could figure it out together. The pair of you had such a happy and healthy relationship, so why did things fall apart?

Teardrops land on Jungsu’s phone screen, he’s crying over you again. He missed you so much. Not a day went by that he didn’t miss you. He loved you wholeheartedly, so much to the point that if him being an idol was too much for you. He would leave it behind. He would pick you over his career. Maybe that’s why you left him because you knew that he would choose you and you weren’t selfish enough to let him do that to his members, to his fans, to himself. 

Jungsu wants you back desperately. He scrolls through the photos the two of you took together as he sobs his broken heart out. He can’t really even see the photos due to his tears blurring his vision, but Jungsu doesn’t need to see them because he remembers your moments together all too well. Even the small ones. Like the two of you sitting next to each other in silence. Merely enjoying the comforting presence you brought one another. He remembers linking pinkies with you in the beginning of your relationship because he was a bit too shy to hold your hand. He remembers when that shyness left him and he would openly reach out to hold you in anyway no matter where you two were. Because all he wanted was to have you in his hold. 

Jungsu grabs the stuffed animal you gifted him and tightly tucks it into his chest. Trying his best to substitute it for you. To try and ease the pain of his shattered heart. It could only help so much though. Due to the fact that it wasn’t you and never would be you. Nothing could ever replace you in Jungsu’s heart. That you left a y/n shaped hole that could never be filled. Jungsu is never going to move on from you. You’re going to be his last love. All he can do is pray, beg, that one day you will come back to him. That he can hold you again and love you with everything that he has.

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[matthyeu]

you love beethoven ― ktr.

pairing ⇢ kim taerae x gn!reader 

genre ⇢ slight angst, fluff, reincarnation!au

warnings ⇢ none

word count ⇢ 1.7k

synopsis ⇢ he promised to find you with one simple line, and so he did. (part 1)

how you came to be a pianist, you weren’t sure. your life had pushed every agenda but that of a pianist. while your parents had urged you and your siblings to play musical instruments, they didn’t want you to play the piano. 

what they had against the piano, you also weren’t sure. when asked about musicality, you only ever expressed interest in the piano much to their dismay. they refused your ambition without much explanation and forced you to take on the violin instead. 

needless to say, your skills in the violin were even worse than that of a two year old playing with two left hands. both your instructor and classmates often advised you to take up a different instrument because of your inability to play. 

however, you didn’t have much say in it until your instructor spoke to your parents about your…lack of talent. she mainly blamed it on your hands, the piano hands she called them. your long and slender fingers were more fitted for playing the keys of a piano, not holding the bow of a violin. 

it was only then you got your parents' explanation of why they never wanted you to play, the strange stories they had been told about the bad luck of pianists. you had no idea where they got the story from, a young pianist who was exiled after expressing too much musicality to a prince. that seemed like a story only a fairytale could bring, but they insisted on one of your ancestors seeing it while working in the alleged palace. 

your parents’ superstitious ways almost cost you your whole career, your whole passion. almost. you managed to convince them eventually with the help of your former violinist classmates, forging stories about the mishaps of violinists to show that every musician had their ups and downs. only then did they hesitantly let you play the piano. 

you weren’t sure about a lot of things, but you were sure that it was their hesitant agreement that allowed you to be on stage that night, telling your story and journey after a long night of playing. even if it was their fault you could not play, it was ultimately their blessing that allowed you to start your journey as a pianist. 

“it’s a funny story really,” you laughed, “my parents' plans for me as a violinist didn’t work out because you really can’t let anyone else tell you how to live your life.” 

and this was the moment where you gave your own advice to the aspiring people in your crowd, advice you accumulated from your own hardships trying to achieve this dream. “

“nothing is impossible. dreams are for you to follow, not for them to stay as dreams. if you love to do something, you should do it, even if there is something holding you back. this is your life, and you get to live it for yourself. this isn’t a life someone else dictates for you. you are your own person. you can make your own decisions. you can follow your dream if you believe you can. i believe you can.”

with a round of applause, it was time for you to get off the stage. your long speech towards the end always seemed to sway the hearts of so many people, inspiring them to follow their own dreams. this time, though, you shook the heart of someone else in that crowd in a way that was not only inspirational.

you wouldn’t say you were famous. you were simply known enough to have some people lining up near the exit, hoping to catch you for a quick picture or autograph. it wasn’t anything like having paparazzi. no, you weren’t that well-known, and you were glad about that fact. having few people who loved you enough to do this meant you could accommodate each of their requests. you had time to spare, so why not give back to the people who made your career possible in the first place. 

you signed things without hesitation: pads of paper, shirts, even someone’s hand. you did whatever it was that would make those people happy. you took pictures doing all sorts of poses to make sure everyone had an original experience with you. you even answered several wacky questions people had the burning desire to ask. 

then you got to one particular person, holding out a pad and a pen. this person had a very specific question to ask you, a question normal people usually didn’t ask. they asked more random things about your life: your favorite color, food spots you recommended in the city, if you had ever been to the mountains. people rarely asked about anything regarding pianos as that’s all they saw on stage. 

“do you prefer beethoven or mozart?” 

you paused at your signature, forgetting momentarily how to even sign your name. the question threw you off guard, but you tried your best to pick yourself back up. something about it just seemed familiar, but you couldn't understand why. 

“mozart,” you replied as you continued your signature from where you had stopped. it was probably nothing. the debate of beethoven vs. mozart was so prominent in all classical music enjoyers, so this person was probably just curious about your own preferences. 

“...because he’s more fun, right?” 

you finished your signature, but your pen didn’t move from the paper. you were frozen again. no one knew about the reason you liked mozart. most people had more legitimate reasons as to why they preferred one composer over the other. for you, however, you just enjoyed the fresher feeling that came from mozart’s pieces. you never wanted to admit that to the regular enjoyers of classical music.

“yeah,” you breathed, looking up from the pad of paper to meet the eyes of the person who asked you the question. it was only then that it all came back to you. 

just remember! you love mozart. i love beethoven. 

“and…you love beethoven.” 

the stranger–well could you even call him that if you remembered all this–smiled at your response. “i found you.” 

as much as you wanted to say more to him, there were many more people who demanded your attention, and you wanted to give them their time as well. you looked at him and then turned back to the man. “my car’s the white hyundai. i’ll be out when i finish. we can talk then.” 

he gave you a nod before disappearing out of the crowd that soon engulfed you with more requests for pictures, signatures, and answers to other strange questions you had.

it was never smart to meet a person in the dark, especially if this person wasn’t someone you had ever met before. this was different, though. the moment you looked into his eyes, you knew the history you had together, the history not within this life. 

the reason that was possible was another thing you were unsure of. none of that really mattered though. what mattered was that you were able to see him again, after all the mishaps in your previous life (all of which had slowly come back to you throughout the course of the night). 

looking around for him, you were startled when he came up behind you. you gasped. 

“your highness!” you covered your mouth at the instinctive exclamation. it was strange to be calling him in such a manner, in this society where there was no more monarchy. 

he chuckled at your surprised response. “you can call me taerae. there’s no more strict titles you have to adhere to.” 

you raised an eyebrow. “you kept your name. that’s kind of strange to hear.” 

“as did you,” he commented, “i almost thought it was too good to be true, but when i heard the advice you gave during your closing speech, i knew. i had to make sure that you remembered though, hence the strange question.” 

you shook your head. “it wasn’t strange at all. it was what i asked you in our first conversation, so it was very key. you did say for me to remember that you love beethoven and i love mozart, so it stuck.” 

“i’m glad. i’ve been to so many recitals of pianists, asking the same question over and over. some answer beethoven, so i knew that couldn’t be you. some answer mozart but then give me judgemental looks when i ask them if it’s because he’s fun.” 

you couldn’t hold in your laughter after thinking about all the embarrassment he had to go through to reach you. “well, my reasons for that preference were simple. i was simple-minded then. i just wanted to play music.” 

“are you still like that now? both your preference and simple-mindedness,” he wondered. 

“well i like to think i play music just for the sake of it and nothing else,” you began, “as for my preference. i will always like mozart, but beethoven has been growing on me lately.” 

taerae gave you an intrigued look before you added on. “especially, piano sonata no. 17. i’ve grown to love tempest so much, and i wondered why. now i remember that it was your favorite.” 

an approving nod by taerae proved that your memory did not fail you. 

feeling the cold air against your skin, a shiver washed over you. “do you have a ride? anywhere to be?” 

when he shook his head no, you knew what had to be done. unlocking you car, you pulled the passenger seat open for him. “get in taerae, let’s catch up.” 

seeing how his smile grew to be bigger than you had ever seen, you had to know why. “why are you so smiley this evening?” 

taerae merely shrugged before entering the car. “you’ve just never called me by my name before. it was always the fancy titles, so it’s really calming to hear.” 

you stuck your tongue out at him. “oh shut up.” 

and then you slammed the door in his face. it was going to be a long night of catching up, but you were sure the two of you would be connected in no time. 

there was one thing you wanted to make sure before you drove off, however. 

“do you still play the guitar?” 

“always, i’ll play for you again sometime since you’ve played again for me tonight.”

[l0mljeonjungkook]

Odd One Out | JJK / KTH / KNJ

⋙ Summary - Being friends-with-benefits with Jungkook was already messy until the universe introduces him as your stepbrother.

Namjoon has your heart in his clutches, and pity he's getting married soon.

And, Taehyung, is just not interested in your sister.

⋙ pairing: Taehyung x reader -? / Namjoon x reader -? / Jungkook x reader -?

⋙ rating: 18+

⋙ genre: fake dating to lovers, childhood bestfriends; fluff, angst, smut (more to come, won't reveal yet... Shhhh🤫)

⋙ warnings: no warnings in the prologue, will be added in future chapters.

⋙ word count: 1.7k+

A/N - I really have forced myself to post this, my sis (pain in the ass) too though, thank you B, for motivating me, and iloveyou. So, I hope you guys enjoy reading this, though it's just a prologue but do set a base for the series. I'd very much appreciate your feedback, it'll motivate me to no extent. Do leave your thoughts. And, thank you, angels, for reading💕

Also, cross-posted on Wattpad and ao3

Masterlist | series masterlist

PROLOGUE

Instagram, scrolling through it makes you cringe. The worst app, a zone for the nerds posting pictures or say it vaunting their spotless, seemliest, apt snippets exclusive of their messy life behind the camera. That’s what every walking moneybag, tycoon, and trouper does on this shitty app.

It’s one of the reasons you hate this app.

Right now, you ain’t scrolling for any baron or trouper or any love birds from your friends' group to pop on your screen. Clicking on this app seconds ago once your dad and mum left your room, intending to search for the one your father happily informed you, his exact words - “Well, I’m sure kid you’ll like him”, he was beaming, and studying his face, this one might be the one, he seems in no doubt.

And, that beam on his face makes you want to search --- Will Carter, you’re sure, you heard that name before yet can’t recall.

Your stepdad made an arrangement or just call it a blind date for you to meet this person, just another silk-stocking of New York City.

Apparently, it’s Saturday evening, and you’re so in for meeting new guys for the sake of your heart. If anything, you want to think about the one who will love you back one-sided love is shriveling your heart into a raisin. Only love can swell it back which has evaporated from it or say you've poured it on the one who never needed yours.

Whys and Wherefores, about clicking on the app with the end to gain some deets about Will Carter. Your date. Because this Instagram is good for nothing but stats about the one who posts their flashy life on here.

That's how you're left, bottoms up, zero drop left. For the sake of your shrinking to-raisin heart, you want to move out of the barricade you kept yourself into.

If that means, taking a step and meeting the silk stockings of New York City, you're ready with a pure vibranium shield like the one Captain America holds. However, with a slight change, no star but a heart in the center. 

And before you get a chance to search deets on, your date tomorrow, on the app, with zero intentions, zip anticipation, and no image of the two men in your head, the picture popped on your phone’s screen makes your eyes shine but that shine fades seeing his love by him.

Posted three minutes ago it’s written below... the caption says - She said YES!

Now, coin it as the second reason to hate this app.

Okay, so thing is, USA’s most eligible bachelors, majestically statuesque with hearts brimming with goodwill, shockingly - befall upon you to be the most treasured men in your life. It’s stimulatingly the most unbelievable truth of your life.

The Foxy Holy Trinity is what your heart screams upon seeing them together.

The first one, Kim Namjoon, whose girlfriend said YES, minutes ago. So, nothing is arduously uneasy for you when it comes to him, merely thinking about him pumps your frozen blood into sweltering, circulating to every corner of your body. The man you yearn for and envy his girlfriend for being by him every time you eye the two. Whether on news articles or social media each time you log in to your account, it's not uncommon for their picture to pop up.

Not only he’s the CEO of the KIMS Group, one of the globe’s largest companies in the video game industry but also he’s the Romeo of your life. It’s not only you who envy his girlfriend of six years, there are uncountable single women out there wishing to spend a mere night with him well some drool over his money. However, that’s not the case for you. Neither his money nor his body is what you drool over, lets's just tag the latter one on you, howbeit never for just a night.

It’s a bit late for him to propose to her when you thought he might have done that. This also means you had time to go on your knees for this man with a platinum ring and propose to him.

Shame you’re late.

Shame, there’s no one like him.

Shame, even if there is, he ain’t your Romeo.

The picture your eyes are flukily glued on, is a picture of him, his girlfriend Heejin - now fiance, and your childhood best friend. Namjoon, on his knees holding her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles with so much content in his twinkling brown eyes and smile touching them. Heejin looks happier than ever you’ve seen her. And, why won’t she?

You didn’t know you were crying until a tear streaks silently down your cheeks, blurring your vision, you quickly wipe it off. But a smile swipes on your face, wiping away the ache of your heart upon seeing your best friend, Kim Taehyung. He looks high under the starry sky on the cruise, wearing a champagne tuxedo, holding a flute of champagne in the air, between his fingers while staring at the couple, broadly grinning.

The second - Kim Taehyung, the man with an angelic face who has been cherished by you, to no extent among the three men in your life, is your childhood best friend. Also, brother of the former man, the love of your life. He’s been with you in all those darkest rooms when you gave up on yourself when you were left alone like a doormat yet he picked you up, hugged you wiped off your tears until his shirt soaked in tears until you left with zero, cleansed your brain once flooded with agony and fed you with affection until one day his dream came between you two. In situations where you zipped your lips from letting out stuff even to your mother and sister, it was him who stayed by you.

Everything was glittery until the enormously thick granite wall of his dream stood between your friendship. Following his dream is something that was meant to be.

Sanely, still pointing imaginary daggers to the picture, you notice the cruise isn’t the one, Taehyung gave you a surprise birthday party on, it’s junior you reckon. Also, the smile on his face isn’t the same as your birthday, he was practically glowing that day.

Not only your heart but your uterus too, contracting awfully right now. Perhaps you’re PMSing randomly crying your heart out, you reckon. “Shit not tomorrow. Shit shit, how did it slip,” you twist for the drawer beside your bed, yank it open pulling out the norethisterone bottle, you’re pretty sure and it’s even written in bold to take one but you pop out four, eyes on the screen and swallow them without water. It pokes inside your throat but you’re blind in love, eyes fixed on him. 

Seems unfair to you, you’re currently clenching your fist, so terribly in pain, granted you’re alone and them - enjoying the night on cruise. You wish to be there, Taehyung invited you but you denied it, as a rule. It’s how you mechanically work, to keep yourself sane. On the flip side, regretting in the eleventh hour, and the next stop for you - to loathe yourself all over again for always choosing options that make you kick your guts out of the universe.

But that’s not your fault, declaring yourself guilty can’t be the third stair.

Wishing that you might have said yes, but you’d have to miss the date tomorrow and above all seeing them together would’ve only broken you to bits of a bit, and you’re not never up for that. 

After that dream proposal, you don’t know how to react, but one thing’s for sure beyond a doubt - being happy isn’t on the list. However, faking that is the first bullet. Pretending is left.

You feel, might throw up, trying to find patience when impenetrable thoughts congest your mind. Locking your phone, you hurl it off as far from your sight to the end of your bed, looking at how slackly you are at present, in such an awful ache you won’t bend to hoist it up.

Your teary eyes forcing your brain to erase the memory of the past few minutes, tend to search for something around your enormous room only to show you something for which you wish nothing but a Ctrl+D for piles of unfortunate memories that you no longer ought to warm. Because at that very moment, your eyes fix on the huge picture on the blank wall, chilling your warm blood, skipping your beats, and choking breaths. You never hide the distaste that gets mixed with your blood every time you catch the sight of that picture, and to be honest, it’s just growing.

A picture of your parent's wedding night.

You lie down huffing out a deep sigh, next second you close your eyes, finding him smiling at you, and again a tear courses down your eyes melting away into your hairline, God these mood swings will be the end of me.

The third, once precious but now you change your route upon seeing him, Jeon Jungkook, where will you start about him? Once a friend twisted into a stepbrother by the grace of fate. It's that awfully easier for anyone to understand but to you - it's another dreadfully unpleasant memory marked on the darkest corner of your soul for the rest of your life

Although you're to be blamed for it.

Ache, written gracefully in your story.

It almost dies you, curling your toes and curling your trembling fists at the same time, every time your brain takes you to fly back to the time when there was something more. It gets hard to face, but that’s your reality, now.

So, these men are out of your league, given the reasons.

One is engaged today.

The other one, your best friend, you never saw him in the way your mum wants you to see him, perhaps it’d be impossible for you to even envisage such an irrationally illogical future with him and surely beyond your senses. It will only create awkward situations and complex everything in between.

For the third one, you won’t say much, barely two words popping in the back of your mind, to burn the bridge of imagination - moonshot.

Tomorrow it’s date night, and your period cramps are making you think if you’ll even see the light of day.

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

I don’t even know what to say about this except… sorry? Here you are, part 11! How did we get to all this? Check it out in part 1 here.

Pairings: Jake Kiszka x fem OC, Sam Kiszka x Danny Wagner *slash per the usual

Warnings and tags: please only 18+, absolutely no minors this is not for you!, lots of sexual content, m/f sex including some cock warming and unprotected sex (please be safe out there guys), m/m sex including fingering and rimming (yep!), slight infidelity, smoking and drinking, talking of sensitive material such as death, jealousy, love triangles, restaurant AU, third person POV Sam, Jake, Danny, and some Kim, if I missed anything, I’m sorry, please lmk!

Word count: 7.3k

Danny and Sam were a giggling mess when they came barreling back into the Kiszka house, Sam dramatically retelling a story about the time when they stole all of Jake’s underwear, got them wet, and stood them up outside in the snow. It was a tradition for Sam and Danny to get up to no good the night before Christmas, playing pranks on the twins that only got more elaborate over the years especially with the added fuel of alcohol when they got older. This year they’d decided it would be fun to pick on Josh since he didn’t get enough hell from them all the way up in New York.

Before they could sneak off again Danny’s name was called. “There you are, I want you to meet someone” Danny’s dad intercepted them in the hallway and pulled him off into the dining room. Sam followed, thinking they would only be stalled for a moment then they could continue planning their big move.

“Thomas, this is my boy” Danny’s dad wrapped his arm proudly around his shoulders as he introduced him to someone Sam had never seen before. Their parents were making acquaintances with people all the time, so it was never a surprise to him to see a dozen new faces at the Christmas party every year.

“This is the man I was telling you about” his Dad continued, talking to Danny about a conversation they must have already had. “His company is building a new office over in Bay City. Supposed to be a bunch of new jobs, pays well, benefits, paid time off, the works”.

“Nice to meet you” Danny shook hands with him and Sam pretended to be interested in straightening a few pictures on the wall while he eavesdropped on them talking about what classes he’d been taking and how his degree could be applied in the workforce once he graduated in the spring.

“Well I’ll certainly keep all of that in mind. Thank you so much for the opportunity. I’ll let you get back to enjoying the party now”.

Sam could tell Danny didn’t sound too interested in the job he was being offered, but he was still overly nice and respectful when he spoke to the man, trying to please his Dad as well for getting him the set up. He couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of irritation though. Danny hadn’t mentioned a job opportunity after graduation, and by the sounds of it he all but had it in the bag as long as he agreed to move back up to Michigan when their office opened in June. The same month Sam’s internship started in LA.

“Sorry, you want to go upstairs now?” Danny asked Sam after he snuck away. He seemed tense now, like he hadn’t expected to be caught discussing jobs and moving before he had a chance to talk to Sam about it first. Too late for that now.

“Actually, I want another drink” Sam replied, pushing past Danny and making his way into the kitchen for a new cup filled with more cocktail. He was glad Josh offered to make one great big bowl to serve drinks from, so he could get a break from pouring glasses for once and just enjoy the drinking.

Danny followed Sam this time, and they found that Jake, Josh, and Kim had all congratulated into the kitchen as well.

“You see love, I can act just as well as my counterpart here. Only he can’t cook a meal to save a life” Jake spoke to Kim in a terrible faux British accent, Josh trying to interject any chance he got but continually being cut off and ignored.

“And where have you two been?” Josh finally noticed their arrival, leaving Jake and Kim with a huff who were too busy giggling and flirting with each other over their drinks.

“Around” Sam replied, sounding anything but innocent in his quick response.

Josh shared looks between the both of them, suspicious but with good reason considering their track record on this night.

“Well before you two disappear again, want to head to the garage for a bit?”

They all knew what that meant, Kim and Jake also peaking up at the offer.

The five of them trailed off through the backyard and into the garage, more folding chairs being pulled out to accommodate everyone as Josh lit up the first roll.

“So what’s new?” Jake ditched the accent in favor for his normal conversation voice. Though it was twinged with a little more midwestern than usual since he was sufficiently tipsy enough for it to come out.

Josh was the first to jump at the question, rambling on about the big city and how much he was loving his job as they passed along the piece.

“Well, sounds to me like Daniel is going to be moving back up here pretty soon” Sam spoke up once he got the chance. “Got himself an office job in Bay City”.

“Wow, never pegged you as an office kind of guy” Josh replied, handing off to Danny next.

Danny took a hit before replying “I’m not” with his exhale, quickly passing back off to Kim. Though getting pretty messed up sounded appealing right now, something told him he needed to be somewhat coherent for this conversation. “My dad told me last night he’d made friends with this big corporate guy at the golf course. Said he talked about me a lot and the guy mentioned a new branch with a bunch of openings for high positions as long as you had any kind of college degree”.

“Well what did you say? Did you tell him you don’t want to work in an office? That you want to actually do something with your degree? Not just use it as a fancy piece of paper?” Sam pushed, a little bit of hostility in his tone which had Jake and Josh adjusting in their seats. Clearly this wasn’t a conversation Sam wanted them to be getting in between.

“No” Danny sighed knowing what he was about to say next was not going to be what Sam wanted to hear. “I told him I’d think about it. Finding a good job right after college is difficult. Besides I still don’t even know what I want to do after graduation”.

“Yeah, this is a good opportunity for you. Take some time to figure out what you want. I’m sure your parents will be thrilled to have you back home for a while”. Jake ended up butting in anyways. He knew Danny had some apprehension about his life after school, they’d talked about it on more than one occasion, and it was pissing him off a bit that Sam wasn’t being supportive of his boyfriend.

Had he even told Danny about his plans yet?

Jake decided to bring it up and see. Either Danny knew and it would be out in the open amongst all of them now, or Sam would have to come clean. Which in Jake’s mind he should have a long time ago. Either way, Jake was too drunk and faded to care anymore.

“I mean it’s either that or move to LA with Sam”.

“Woah woah woah, LA?!” Josh piped up, shooting Jake a look for not sharing this information with him sooner. He expected as much from Sam, but Jake usually turned around and clued him in on everything.

Sam kicked Jake in the shin. He’d promised he wouldn’t tell Danny, but Sam had taken too long with trying to sort out in his mind how he was going to bring it up. So now here it was.

Danny looked over at Sam, nothing in his expression yet a silent ask for him to explain.

“I’m still sorting some things out which is why I haven’t told you yet, but I got accepted into a paid summer internship with a record label in LA” Sam finally revealed to everyone. He knew they should have been excited for him, just like he should have been excited for Danny’s job offer, but there was an overlaying tension in the air as they waited with bated breath for Danny’s response.

“So when exactly were you planning on telling me?” Danny questioned, but Sam started to shy away, looking down at his hands wrapped around the cup in his lap.

Danny nodded at his silence, breathing in a shaky breath to try and fight off the rampaging sea of emotions he’d spent the entire evening trying to put at bay. They were all flooding back to him now, threatening to explode in some way that Danny couldn’t anticipate yet if it would be with tears, more fear, or finally anger. “Were you even going to ask me to move with you?”

“Of course I was!” Sam answered quickly this time to defend himself, though immediately returned back to the cup in his lap. “Sounds to me like you want to move back here though” he countered, trying to remind him that they had started the conversation there.

“Yeah I want to move back home. I never wanted to leave in the first place, but I did, for you”.

He just had to bring that up again, Sam thought to himself. He was so tired of being reminded by both Jake and Danny that everything Danny had done up until now had all been because of Sam. Because he was in love with him.

He understood the grand gesture of it all, but it was starting to feel like they were using it as a means to control him now. Like he owed Danny something for all he’d done when in truth, Sam had never asked Danny to come to Nashville in the first place. He was glad he did. Sam didn’t know where he’d be in this life without his best friend with him every step of the way, but he was starting to wish that things could just go back to the way they were before.

Danny could see the distance in Sam’s eyes, see him retreating into his head away from all the progress they’d made tonight. In turn, he started to lose his own sense of control. “What else have you not told me?”

Jake and Josh shared a look then turned their attention back to the youngest, hoping Sam hadn't done something they needed to scold him for later.

Kim started to feel a little sick. She knew that Danny was insinuating Sam was keeping another secret, and she hoped that he didn’t mention that she was the reason Danny knew what Sam had to hide.

Josh seemed to pick up on her discomfort, sighing as he leaned over to put the little remaining end of their joint out on the concrete then stood from his chair to offer her his hand. “Come on mama, let’s go back inside and let the children fight this one out hmm?”

Once she took his hand he stood her up and threw his arm around her shoulder, walking her out the garage as he leaned in to ask her “have you tried any of my secret Christmas punch yet?”.

Jake was thankful Josh was here to whisk Kim away, because he didn’t think he could tear himself from this conversation right now. He felt defensive, partly because Sam was his little brother and he’d always felt a sense of responsibility for him even in the stupidest mistakes he’d made. The other part was because he knew there was still a piece of himself that cared deeply for Danny and wanted to make sure he was okay. Because no one, even his own brother, was allowed to hurt Danny.

“Come on Sam, out with it” Jake demanded once he was sure Kim was safe inside with Josh.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to get out of me” Sam replied even more defensively. This was the exact situation he didn’t want to find himself in. Stuck in an interrogation between his brother and his best friend. “I’m sorry, I know I should have said something sooner about LA, but I’ve just had a lot going on right now and I needed a minute to soak it all in. Figure some things out, make sure I’ve been making the right decisions for me”.

Danny couldn’t help but feel like Sam wasn't just talking about accepting the internship, but that Sam was also still trying to figure out whether deciding to be with him was the right decision. Maybe that’s what he’d been doing with Savanna at the party? Trying to check if he’d picked the right one.

“Kim told me she saw you and Savanna kissing” Danny finally spilled it out, and felt immediately relieved when he did so. He wasn’t sure why he’d kept it in for so long now, other than he was afraid of hearing what Sam had to say about it.

“Wait! No! She kissed me!” Sam was caught off guard. He’d had no idea anyone had seen the brief exchange between them, and Danny heard about it… why didn’t he say anything?

“Please Daniel, you have to believe me. When she kissed me I stopped her and I told her that we’re together”.

Jake scoffed, if Sam had just told the whole truth originally then he wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place.

“What the fuck do you think you have to say about this Jake? You’re not the one dating him, so you don’t have a say in how we deal with what’s going on in our relationship” Sam spat out, irritated that Jake had chosen to stay when Josh and Kim had read the room and already left.

“What do I have to say Sam?” Jake raised his voice to match the level Sam was already at, making Danny’s ears thump as their words bounced off the thick walls of the garage and hit him dead on. “Only that you’ve been fucking this up from the get go”.

“Is that what you told him?” Sam turned his venom back towards Danny, worried now that he’d been going behind his back to complain to Jake about their torpid relationship when it had been Danny who wanted to take things slow to begin with.

“I didn’t say anything to Jake. I didn’t say anything to anyone because I didn’t know how I should react to that information” Danny replied. He was worked up as well, but still the calmest remaining. “I know you’re not over her Sam”.

“How could you even come to that conclusion? There was no time to get over her. I went straight from one person to another” Sam sighed, already exhausted from the amount of effort this was taking so he took it down a notch as he continued . “It was me and Savanna, and you, my best friend. Then all of a sudden it was us together, and it’s great. At least I thought it was but now I’m starting to second guess things”.

Danny felt like all his fears were coming true. That Sam had only agreed to date him because he felt like he had no other choice. “Why second guess things now? I don’t want you to feel trapped in this with me just because it’s me”.

Sam’s heart dropped, because that’s exactly the opposite of how he felt. He didn’t feel trapped by Danny, only pressured to act like this all wasn’t very overwhelming for him at some times.

When it was just the two of them he felt comfortable, valued, loved. When others, like Jake, got involved though feelings he had as a child started to rear up again like possessiveness, jealousy, and envy.

Savanna too, he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about her anymore. Maybe Danny was right, maybe he wasn’t over her. That didn’t mean he would ever go behind Danny’s back and get with her again, or whatever it was Danny thought he was doing with her. Now that Sam was thinking about it, he wondered if any of the emotion he felt towards Savanna had bled into the beginnings of his and Danny’s relationship.

“I just wish we would have talked about this sooner”. They clearly had a lot to work out, and he thought deep down they both knew that and just chose to ignore it. Neither one of them were at fault more or less than the other, and he could admit that while still being upset. “I wish you would have said something to me about Savanna if you were concerned about her. So I could have tried to give you some kind of assurance. Especially before we up and left to have sex earlier”.

Jake cleared his throat and Danny’s face started to burn bright red. Sure he didn’t mind Jake sticking around when he was in his corner, but now he was embarrassed to be called out like that. Because looking at it this way, he had used the appeal of sex to attempt to fill in the cracks that were slowly starting to form in the foundation he had tried so hard to lay down easily.

“You’re right” Danny sighed after they all took a moment to gather themselves. He reached over from where he sat on one end of the couch, an empty spot between him and Jake where Kim was before, and hesitantly took one of Sam’s hands. “Let's try not to keep things like this from each other anymore okay? I want you to be able to come to me with anything. Savanna included”.

“I’m sorry Dan” Sam sniffled a little bit, not even realizing he’d worked himself up to the point of near tears, but squeezed his hand in response.

“I’m sorry too” Jake stood up, deciding it was officially appropriate for him to give them some alone time. He scratched the back of his head, thinking he actually had stayed a little too long and heard some things he wished he didn’t. “I don’t mean to get in the middle of things, I just care about you both you know”.

“I understand Jake,” Danny gave him a small glance before fixing his gaze back on Sam, “we care about you too, right?”

“Yeah” Sam croaked out, barely raising a brow towards his brother's direction.

Though the tide seemed to recede for now, Sam still had his doubts and reservations.

When the party finally died down and the last of the guests made their way out the door, Danny and his parents being the only ones left behind until they too retreated back to their home, everyone filed away one by one off to sleep the evening's festivities away. Jake laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling waiting impatiently for sleep to come when it was clear it wasn’t. A soft knock at his door caused him to sit up, watching as the door creaked open and a fluffy head stuck inside.

“Nightcap brother?”

“Of course” Jake sighed in relief and tossed the blanket off, scooting over to make room in his bed next to him for his twin who carried in two mugs.

Jake took a drink and nearly choked when the hot liquid hit his tongue. “Is this hot chocolate and whiskey?”

“Close” Josh replied with a faltering grin when he took his first sip as well. “I could only find one pack of hot chocolate mix. So it’s half a cup of hot chocolate and about two and a half shots of warm whiskey. That’s all the liquor we had left… aaand a dash of cinnamon!”.

“Yeah, that’s what I said” Jake rolled his eyes and they both laughed for a minute as they continued to drink what was sure to have them drooling on their pillows for the rest of the night.

“So what was all that about earlier?” Josh asked, referring to the argument in the garage. Though he’d left he was still concerned with what had been said, especially because Sam and Jake had seemed to distance themselves from each other for the rest of the night.

“It’s a long story” Jake sighed wondering now why he hadn’t been talking to Josh about any of this up until now. He guessed he just felt like once Josh was gone, he needed to learn to start dealing with things on his own. Getting to spend this time with him and everyone else for Christmas was reminding him though that no matter what they each had going on in their lives, or the distance between them for the time being, they would always be there for each other specifically.

Josh waited for Jake to sort out his thoughts and begin telling him what happened. Although Josh was a talkative person, he always knew when it was the right time to sit quietly and just listen in return.

“You know Sam and Danny have been going out for a while now?”

Josh nodded, “yeah, Sam called me and told me a little over a month ago. Seems he knows how a phone works better than you do”.

“Shut up, I know” Jake knocked his shoulder with his own then took a steadying breath as he began again, “well, shortly before that Danny and I were kind of… messing around”.

He waited for Josh to say something. Scold him for being an idiot for getting involved with Danny when they both knew Danny had his thing for Sam for years. Instead Josh just placed a hand on his shoulder and held it there for a moment, giving a silent acknowledgement for what Jake must have gone through.

“It was never anything serious. Just a couple of friends getting together every now and then, you know, helping each other out”.

“Suuure” Josh quipped, “you’ve never been the friends with benefits type Jake. Never can keep your feelings out of it. And that’s not a bad thing, you're an emotional guy and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s good even, hope that there’s still room for young men to return to their former glory”.

“Alright, alright” Jake cut him off. Looks like Josh’s silence was short lived, but that wasn’t anything surprising considering they were both pretty fucking drunk. “Anyways, Sam kind of saw us at work, and that’s what started the whole thing. Danny confessed to Sam, Sam broke up with Savanna, they started dating.”

“You started dating a girl that absolutely adores you” Josh stepped in again, “She’s a sweet girl, and I can tell you like her, but do you think you love her?”

Love her? He hadn’t even begun to think that far ahead yet. “I don’t know, it’s only been a few weeks, a month maybe, you can’t tell if you love someone in that amount of time”.

“Yet here she is,” Josh replied, using his little mind tricks he knew always worked on Jake to get him to see things his way and realize what he was trying to deny, “and you do know”.

Jake set his cup down on his old nightstand and slid back down until his head was resting against his pillow and he was back to staring at the ceiling. Maybe he did know, but he wasn’t quite ready to come to grips with that yet.

Shortly after Josh gave him one last good night and left for his own room. The house was quiet after the tiny sound of his door closing from across the hall, but Jake still couldn’t sleep.

Though dreamland beckoned him with tiredness in his eyes and mind, the abundance of alcohol still coursing through his veins raised a stronger problem. He was entirely too horny for sleep right now. Horny enough that he didn’t think a simple handy would do the trick.

He checked the time on his phone, one in the morning, a good hour plus some since they’d all gone off to bed.

Jake took the chance and snuck into the basement in nothing but his boxers, hoping that Kim wasn’t already asleep, or if she was that he wouldn’t be bothering her too much when waking her with his drunken need.

The blackness of the room took him by surprise until his eyes adjusted in the dark and found the curvy form rising from underneath the covers on the bed like tiny islands in a deep sea.

He slipped his boxers off, tossing them to some blank corner of the bed, then lifted the edge of the blanket and slid underneath until his legs came first into contact with a pair of smooth thighs. His hands snaked across the warm mattress, finding hips next that he gripped onto and pulled until her body was flush against his.

She stirred slowly having fallen asleep a while ago, falling into the bed after doing nothing but stripping off her pants. When she opened her mouth to ask what Jake was doing she got her question preemptively answered with a feverish kiss.

She sighed into his mouth, letting her lips fall open and welcome him inside with a flick of his talented tongue. Without wasting a beat one of his hands left her hips and slipped underneath the waistband of her panties, immediately finding its way to her sweet spot.

He groaned at the warmth and how her body immediately started to react to his touch, pooling with wetness at just a few targeted swirls of his fingers.

Kim returned the gesture by bringing a hand between their bodies and wrapping it around Jake, who she quickly realized had crawled into the bed naked. She didn’t mind one bit, in fact she found it rather hot that Jake had needed it bad enough that he’d come down in the middle of the night to find her and take it. Only as she palmed him she noticed there seemed to be one slight problem.

“Jake, is everything ok?” Kim whispered, trying hard to make out any of the facial features that were right in front of her in the darkness.

He moved his kisses to her neck, in a trance and completely unphased by her question.

She tried to ignore it, hoping that if she gave a few more concentrated tugs it would resolve itself, but when it didn’t she stopped and spoke up again. “Are you sure? It’s just you’re not hard”.

Jake paused for a moment, only just realizing himself what she pointed out. Jake played it off as the liquor, trying to lighten the mood a little bit by pulling out the British accent again. “Thas no worry love, jus need a little warm up is’all”.

He tugged her panties down until she was kicking them off the rest of the way then lifted her leg, hoisting it around his hip and nudging up against her core. “You wan’ta warm me up baby?”

Kim pulled Jake back down into a kiss, using her leg around him as leverage she angled her hips upwards to allow him to slip inside. Even soft he felt amazing, and he moaned into her mouth as he felt her clenching around him, begging for more.

After holding each other and kissing again for a bit his voice returned to normal again, only this time even more muddled with lust than before. “Can I fuck you from behind?”

“Sure” she smiled against his lips, waiting for him to slide back out before rolling over and pulling up onto her hands and knees.

She pulled a pillow underneath her chest and rested on it as she arched her back. Jake situated himself between her legs and plunged back inside, this time finally at his full potential.

Kim bit into the pillow, trying to stifle her whiny moans. Though the sounds of his hips snapping against her ass weren't much better.

Whether it was the alcohol, or the lingering high, or the fact that he was hornier than ever for no apparent reason, his mind wandered in the void that had consumed this basement. His hands gripped into the flesh below him, guiding that ass where he wanted it as he plowed his way towards his release, and the first thing that came to mind was picturing it was Danny’s.

His hips staggered when he shook his head, trying to get the image out of his mind. Thanks to the darkness of the room though, when he opened his eyes he could nearly see Danny’s form. A small waist, broad shoulders, and tuffs of curly raven hair. His face squished against the mattress as he pleaded for Jake to go easy on him… it was all too much and before he could reel himself back Jake was finishing without warning.

“I’m so sorry” he huffed, feeling a sickening wave of guilt wash over him as soon as he came down from his orgasm.

“It’s alright, I’ve got an IUD” Kim replied, thinking him finishing inside was what he was apologizing for and not the fact that he’d just cum at the idea of fucking someone else entirely. “Just don’t think we should make it a habit”.

“Yeah, no you’re right” he raked his fingers through his hair, realizing that this was the first time they’d ever been active without protection before. Drunk or not he knew better, but he just was not in his right mind.

“I wish you could stay. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight”. She rolled back onto her back, trying to keep from making too much a mess on the sheets.

Jake found his discarded boxers and used them to wipe the inside of her legs before tossing them onto the floor and lowering himself next to her.

She lifted her head and he slipped his arm underneath while she curled into his side. He grabbed the blanket and situated it back over their tangled bodies, not wanting to leave either. He was afraid of sleeping alone tonight, afraid of what or who he’d be dreaming about if he did.

“I’ll stay” he whispered into her hair, “I’ll leave early in the morning before anyone gets up. No one will know I was ever down here”.

Christmas morning Kim woke up with the sound of breakfast being made again upstairs. She rolled over and found that Jake had stayed true to his word. He’d left sometime ago, probably already dressed and waiting for her to make her way up to join them.

While eating the best stack of homemade waffles she thought she’d ever had, Kim watched in amusement as a few thoughtful gifts were exchanged. She’d been given gifts from her extended family a few Christmas before. The most she’d ever gotten was the first Christmas since her mothers passing, but they were nothing like this. Though the gifts weren’t extravagant or in abundance, she could tell they came from the heart by the looks on their smiling faces and the hugs that were exchanged afterwards. Even if she didn’t have a box to unwrap, just getting to be witness to a loving family Christmas was a gift in and of itself for her.

“Thank you so much for letting me stay” Kim hugged Jake’s mom one last time as he loaded the rest of their things into his car.

Sam had already said his goodbyes. He and Danny were driving back in his new car, so it was just going to be the two of them on the way back.

“Sweetheart, you are welcome back anytime!” She got one last squeeze in before turning to Jake, “and you! Call your mother more often”. She kissed him on the cheek and squeezed him even harder.

“I’ll make sure he does” Kim promised her after they hugged and Jake walked around to say his goodbyes to Josh who had a flight early the next morning.

“You take care of him, he may be a man now but he will always be one of my boys”.

Kim blushed, thinking if she’d gotten the approval of his mom then things might just continue to go well for them.

Jake was quiet a lot of the way home, lost in thought, though not too unusual for himself. Kim figured he was just already missing his family. She offered to drive some, which he agreed and swapped out with her after getting a good long chunk of it out of the way.

“So,” she began, finally breaking down and needing to talk a little to keep focused, “Sam and Danny huh? They’ve been friends for a long time right?”

“Since elementary school” Jake replied flatly. Sam and Danny were the last thing he wanted to be talking about right now, but she hadn’t had a chance to ask him about any of it since learning about their relationship. Surely he didn’t have a problem with them right?

“Can you tell me something?” She asked, remembering a comment Savanna had made when she told her the news. Jake looked over at her, sitting up straight in the passenger's seat like he was nervous about what she wanted to know.

“Did they get together before or after he broke up with Savanna?”

“After” Jake assured her without wasting a beat. “There’s always been something there for Danny, but they got together after. Or well the breakup was because…” he started to fumble a bit, trying to keep out his involvement in his retelling this time.

“It’s ok” she saved him from having to continue, “I get it. Must be pretty complicated for them right now”.

He thought back on the conversation between Sam and Danny in the garage. If he learned anything from that, it was that keeping secrets obviously didn’t fare well for those in a relationship.

It’s not like Jake knew much of Kim’s dating history before him either. That conversation had yet to come up between them. He supposed if she asked then he would tell her, and if she didn’t then he’d just keep it to himself.

Definitely though he’d have to keep that night to himself. While trying to rationalize it the next morning he chalked it up to his drunk mind being influenced by learning Sam and Danny were officially taking the next step into starting to have sex. He knew it would happen, he just didn’t expect to know when it happened.

“Yeah, it is pretty complicated”.

In the week since Sam and Danny arrived back at their apartment in Nashville things went relatively back to normal for the two of them. Well, with the welcome addition of being more physically intimate now.

It seemed like Sam couldn’t fall asleep in Danny’s bed anymore without at least being jerked off first. Danny was happy to oblige him, liking nothing more than the warmth against his palm, the sweet and saltiness underneath his lips as he kissed and licked and sucked on the small patch of skin on Sam’s neck he’d found was a pleasure point for him. Right above his collar and next to his Adam's apple.

Most nights ended with the both of them rutting into each other's fists. They’d already gone at least a quarter of the way through the brand new bottle of lube Danny had bought from the drug store their first day back.

Tonight though, with it being their first days off together since being back, and no class in the morning, Danny had other ideas in mind. Starting with a shower.

Danny’s hands trailed across the ridges of Sam’s shoulders like a waterfall of fingers. One by one taking the plunge over the edge as gently as the drops that rolled down his skin from the spray of the shower head. He lathered Sam’s back and chest up from behind, always insisting on being the one to clean his body in the few times they got to take a shower together.

Usually Sam whined about being doted on so much, but tonight after the few shots of tequila they’d randomly decided to bring out with dinner, Sam was loose and carefree. His head fell to the side as Danny moved his hair over with his suds free hand to keep it from getting in the soap since it wasn’t the night to wash it. Of course that barred his irresistible neck again and Danny immediately latched on, sucking over a bruise he’d only caused the night before.

Sam hissed at the slight pain, though his dick twitched at the same time. “You really like leaving hickies don’t you?” He asked rhetorically, reaching his hand through the stream and digging his fingers into Danny’s scalp to hold him there for a bit longer, surely turning the fading bruise into a fresh blazing pink and purple badge of affection.

“I can’t help myself, your skin is so inviting and silky, and it colors so beautifully” Danny replied letting his hands trail down Sam’s chest now to his stomach, though not as low as he wanted.

“Danny” Sam groaned, wiggling his hips impatiently, wanting his hands on him already.

Though Danny had given into him easily all week, tonight he wanted to take his time. Show him a thing or two.

He pulled back from the warmth of the water and the body in front of him. Wanting to make sure Sam knew he was in good careful hands before things got a little too far. “Sam, you know I want to make you feel good right?”

“Yes?” Sam looked over his shoulder, smirking a little at the glimpse of Danny’s already hardened length from just the brief touching and kissing they’d been doing. “Why do you ask?”

Danny admired the person before him, from his dripping wet locks that trailed down his back like velvety curtains, to the plunge of his waist, and then the roundness of that Kiszka ass. Everything about him was appealing, even when he didn’t even try. Some days it was annoying, and some days, more and more recently, it drove Danny absolutely mad with desire.

He reached out to touch again, this time taking a handful of Sam’s ass and squeezing tightly. “So you trust me right?”

Sam bit his lip and arched his back. He knew Danny liked admiring him from behind, he just never knew he’d like the feeling it gave him just as much. “I do. Just, be easy with me?”

“Always loverboy” Danny cooed, returning his lips to trailing along Sam’s shoulder and running through each scenario he had in his mind trying to decide on the perfect one.

Danny’s eyes flicked forward, noticing the unique tile pattern on the walls of the shower. They were mostly white with a border of larger tiles in a pattern of black and white.

“You see those black tiles in front of you?” Sam raised his head, careful not to let the water spray into his eyes and nodded his head. “Place your hands on them”.

Danny waited for Sam to obey, which he did, doing just as Danny had said by placing his left palm flat against the cold wet stone, then the right almost a shoulder's width apart.

“Good boy” Danny praised him, then grabbed his waist and gently yanked it backwards causing Sam to catch himself by shifting his weight onto his arms to hold himself up. “Now, don’t move them”.

Sam inhaled a shaky breath, closing his eyes and tilting his head back to let the water run down his neck and chest, actually shuddering at the way the warmth felt trailing down to his groin.

Sam felt all his nerve endings on fire, catching his breath when Danny’s hand slipped unceremoniously between his cheeks and pressed a slightly soapy finger to his entrance.

“Don’t hold your breath” Danny told him, but Sam was too wound up to notice he’d said anything at all. Instead his focus was on the odd feeling of having a finger petting him where he never had before. At least until Danny paused his circular movements. “Do you want me to stop?”

Sam shook his head. Though he was tense he wasn’t scared. Actually, he was a bit intrigued by this point about what Danny had in store for him. He exhaled finally, unable to hold his breath any longer and Danny pressed inside. With a groan he let his head fall forward, the shower head spraying his crown making his hair fall over his shoulders and blocking out the rest of the world.

“Do you feel okay?” Danny asked, checking in with him before he tried to move anymore. Sam nodded, but Danny could barely tell. “Use your words”.

“Yes! Yes, I’m okay” he spoke up, pressing his fingers into the black tiles to try and focus his mind on something else. Once he grounded himself he lifted his head again and rocked his hips back, inviting Danny to keep going.

“You’re doing a good job” Danny praised again, sending Sam’s mind swirling through the steam.

“Are you going to fuck me tonight?” Sam questioned out of the blue once he started to get more used to the feeling of a finger inside of him.

Danny chuckled, which caught Sam off guard. “No baby, not tonight”.

“Not tonight you say, with a whole finger in my ass” Sam scoffed, groaning again when Danny retreated. He grabbed him by the waist and turned him around, pinning him against the tile then smashing their lips together.

“Yes, not tonight” Danny repeated between toothy kisses, “but that doesn’t mean you have to be bratty about it”.

Sam wrapped his arms tightly around Danny’s shoulders and kissed him back just as hungrily. “You act like you want to fuck me, but what if I want to be the one fucking you Daniel?”

Danny reached over and shut the water off, Sam clinging onto him like a hot noodle. “I want that too” he replied with a mischievous smirk, “I just wanted you to say you wanted it first”.

“Who knew you were such a tease?” Sam pouted, but let Danny gather his hair into a loose makeshift ponytail with his hands and gently wring some of the water out.

“Only because you make it too easy”.

He helped Sam out of the shower and they walked together the short distance down the hallway and into his bedroom. Danny pushed Sam down onto the bed without a bit of concern about getting his sheets wet. “On your knees, hips in the air”.

“How am I supposed to-”

Danny cut him off, “I’m not done having my fun yet, you keep doing as you're told and I’ll give you what you want”.

Sam smirked and turned over, feeling a bit exposed in this position, though he figured that was the point. He braced himself for the return of Danny’s fingers again, but gasped loudly when he felt instead teeth sinking into the plushness of his right cheek.

“No biting!” Sam yelped, pulling away with a surprised chuckle.

“Okay, okay” Danny grabbed his hips and pulled him back, placing an apologetic kiss to the tiny teeth marks. “I won’t bite, but I will use my mouth. I know how much you like that Sammy”.

With that declaration he pulled his cheeks apart and dove right in sending a shiver up Sam’s entire spine.

Being eaten out was another first for him. By now he was sure after the end of the week he wouldn’t win a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ again. Not that he’d played that game since he was eighteen and a freshman in college.

“Dan-Danny” Sam called out. Just when he was starting to think of asking for more, maybe a finger again, he was interrupted by the ring of a phone.

Danny recognized the ringtone as his own, pulling back to find the cellphone still sitting on his desk where he’d left it to charge before the shower.

It wasn’t the phone ringing that had shattered the mood, but the name on the screen that took him by surprise.

Jake.

@alwaysonthemend @twistedmelodies @psychedelicstardust-gvf @heckingfrick

[captain-joongz]

Heroes

Pairing: non-idol!Kim Hongjoong x Reader (it's Hongjoong's POV)

Genre: angst

Summary: Hongjoong attempts to navigate a posh party after his whole life has fallen apart, while what he wants the most is standing only a few metres away from him. It doesn't help that he knows you want him too.

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: it's very angsty, drinking, post break-up, forced break-up, controlling parent (let me know if i should add anything)

A/N: this whole piece is inspired by the song Heroes by David Bowie, it's just the right amount of emotional damage :')) also, this is my first time posting here, so I apologise if the formating is still a little wonky, hopefully I'll work it out soon :))

“Just… Don’t forget to be there tomorrow, okay?” Seonghwa’s voice rang out in my car and I sighed. “Don’t worry, I know I can’t afford to miss a gathering like that. Everyone that means something in this city is going to be there.” My answer didn’t seem to calm him down whatsoever, even if I couldn’t see him through my phone screen I knew as much. I stubbornly refused to address what he was talking about and instead started talking business. After a while of mindless chit-chat he tried again.

“She will be there tomorrow… I’m sure you know that. Please, Hongjoong, don’t do anything stupid.” I knew he was just trying to look out for me but I couldn’t help getting a little annoyed with him. Even after all this time, you were still a touchy subject. I sighed again, this time louder. “When have I ever done something like that?” I attempted at a joke and got a little chuckle from Seonghwa in return. “Don’t worry, my best friend turned business partner, I’ll be the picture of sainthood and patience.” Then I ended the call.

Needless to say, I was not that. I got to the garden party about twenty minutes ago and was already agitated beyond belief. Seonghwa hasn’t got there yet and I was stuck drinking white wine in a corner of a room watching old rich men laughing at stories that only old rich men find funny. I could feel my lips turning into a scowl and barely managed to look respectable and approachable to the top society.

Just a few years back, I was nothing. A little boy from a poor background who only dreamed big, but deep down knew that a world like this would never let him achieve that. I didn’t come from money like most of these men, I didn’t have centuries of generational wealth at my beck and call. I was the one they laughed at and looked down on, the one who had to fight for every penny they dropped.

I started a little company with my best friend, originally hoping to make our own indie clothing line. Just something small to give us enough money to live normally. But we needed funds to take off and so we started chasing after the kind of people we both hated begging them to sponsor us. That’s when you came into my life. And everything changed.

Back then I hated these parties as much as I do now but I didn’t know how to hide it yet. Seonghwa was much better at looking pleasant and entertained, I usually stood next to him burning holes with my eyes into anyone who wanted to talk to me. You swooped in, all wide smiles and melodic laughs and gave me a once-over.

“You look exactly how I feel.” It came out of your mouth on a laugh and I felt myself relax. “Also here to charm these bastards into giving you a bit of money?” I gave you a flirty smile and took a sip from my glass. I didn’t even remember what I ordered.

“Actually no, I’m here because one of these bastards is my father.” I froze and I heard Seonghwa next to me choke on something. You looked serious for a moment and then burst out laughing. And then you spent the entire night introducing us to people and whispering little sassy comments into our ears. I never knew one could have so much fun here.

I realised pretty quickly you are someone I will fall in love with. It never felt like a hypothetical. Loving you was absolutely inevitable. And when I did, you were there holding my hand whispering how you love me too. It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And then you were gone.

You didn’t want to be, I knew that. It was your father. I met him a few times after you introduced us and he figured out pretty quickly that something was happening between us. And he didn’t like it. One day he called me into his office for lunch. When I came he only looked at me over his desk.

“My daughter will marry someone better.” That was all he said.

“Leave her alone.”

I didn’t.

We both agreed on continuing our relationship and that we would keep it a secret. Me and Seonghwa managed to sell our idea to a big wig that owned a few luxury hotels and he agreed to sponsor our humble beginnings. At this time Wooyoung and Yeosang joined us, after we hired them off an ad to model our clothes during the business meetings. Finally, our dream was taking off. It worked for a little while. You helped us a lot back then, helping us with ideas and even some sewing when we needed every hand we could get. The project was our baby, us five.

With time we grew tired of sneaking around. We became careless, too in love to think about the consequences of being seen together or getting caught by your father. And so one day we were.

Unfortunately, I don’t know the half of what happened, you didn’t want to talk about it too much. But I knew enough to understand you were leaving. I’ll always remember your teary sad eyes as you were walking out the door.

“He’ll sink your company if I don’t leave. I can’t do that to you Hongjoong, not after you worked so hard for it.”

After that I haven’t seen you again. I heard about you here and there, after all I was still in the same social circles as you. But I knew you weren’t allowed to talk to me. I would catch glimpses of you out of the corner of my eyes and then you would disappear into the crowd. That was all that was left of us.

It’s already been three hours since I came here and I was officially tired of small talk. Everyone asked me the same questions, they all wanted to know the same things.

“Congratulations on your latest release, Mr. Kim. I heard it was a success,” said one of the men my benefactor brought over to my corner. I gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“It was a joint effort of the whole company,” I replied politely and looked over his shoulder to see Seonghwa laugh at something Yunho said. They came here together about 40 minutes after me due to having to solve some issues with a design we were currently working on.

“Speaking of company, I remember when it was just you and Mr. Park. It was a pleasant surprise to meet Mr. Jeong too,” said someone else, I wasn’t even paying attention to who.

“Yes, yes… There’s eight of us now, thanks to the endless support of Mr. Byun we were able to expand rather quickly,” I gestured at our sponsor and gave a business smile. “It’s a big relief as we now have enough hands on deck to work comfortably.” Conversation moved on for a little bit and I dissociated again, not listening to a single word until I felt Seonghwa move to my side. When I looked up at him he looked extremely nervous, but before I could ask one of the men directed the topic back to me.

“You know… I really wasn’t expecting you to show up. Considering…” he chuckled a little bit and I felt myself stiffen. There was a mean glint to his eyes and I knew they all will properly enjoy making me uncomfortable with this.

“Yes, considering…” someone else added with a smirk, “Have you met the host of tonight’s party yet?” Silence fell and everyone looked at me expectantly. The host of tonight's party, as in Mr. Lee – as in your father. Even though our relationship was never quite made public, it was a well-known matter. Just as our break-up, no matter how hard Mr. Lee tried to make it disappear. He was thoroughly embarrassed by his daughter entertaining the advances of such a low-born as me, but his desperation to keep this all under wraps was what made it even juicier for everyone to talk about. That’s how I found myself in this exact same position every time I chose to show my face at these events.

Before I could say something, Seonghwa stepped in with his gentle polite shut-down. “Yes, we’ve all said our hellos to him when we came here,” he said and smiled in that way me and Yunho knew meant he was two minutes from distributing slaps. It was a lie, but one said with such nonchalance that everyone believed this boring outcome to be true. They hoped for blood and instead got this. From there the conversation quickly moved on to different topics and no one brought it up again. Eventually the men saw someone more interesting and dispersed, leaving only me, Seonghwa and Yunho.

“Thanks, if I had to answer that one more time I’d murder someone,” I said to Seonghwa with what was supposed to be a laugh but instead came out as a bitter chuckle. My fingers tightened around my glass and I attempted to calm the swirling vortex of uncomfortable emotions currently wreaking havoc on my psyche. Admittedly, I was doing a pretty shit job at it.

“Man, these vultures really never change,” Yunho whispered with a smile and clasped his hand on my shoulder. He squeezed few times to give me courage and then let go. I smiled tiredly at him and clanked our glasses together. “That they never do…”

I was glad both of these men were here. Where Seonghwa was all cold and polite, Yunho came in with amusing stories and boyish charms. Once you started listening to him, he soon had you wrapped around his little finger and you found yourself hanging onto his every word. It was very useful at directing conversation and distracting people when they started asking stupid questions.

Seonghwa hasn’t said anything yet and when I looked at him, he was still watching me with that same sadness and nervousness from before. “You haven’t left this spot since you came, don’t you at least want to move into the garden for a little while?” he said finally and I realised he was in his full mothering mode. As I opened my mouth to give him a funny retort, my eyes flitted around the room and suddenly I was looking straight into your eyes. The words got stuck in my throat and instead came out a little strangled noise of surprise. You waved at me subtly and smiled a little. I awkwardly did the same. Then you turned around and walked out. My hand automatically reached for a fresh glass of wine and I drank it in almost a single gulp, which freaked out Seonghwa.

“Maybe we should go, we did what we came here to do anyway…” he said and reached for me but I refused. “If we leave now it will be considered in bad taste,” I retorted, “Don’t worry about me, go out there and make me proud. I’ll just stay here and keep myself out of everyone’s way.” Yunho laughed at my words but Seonghwa still looked concerned. In the end, he let himself be dragged out into the gardens. I stood there alone. Right, since you left, I was anyways.

I kept myself occupied by drinking, which wasn’t really the best idea. When I looked out of the window again, it was already dark outside and most of the people moved back in. You were back in too. I heard you, heard your laugh as you held conversation with someone. It felt as close as if you were standing right next to me, laughing to something I said. As if on instinct I looked after the source of the sound and our eyes met for the second time that evening. You nodded. I did too. I felt Mr. Lee burning a hole into my side with his eyes just as I saw Seonghwa warningly shake his head. So I looked back down, right into my drink and wallowed in drunken self-pity.

I knew I should let it go. I should have let it go by now. It’s been months. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself stop thinking about you, about us. How could I when you were so abruptly torn out of my life? Inappropriate relationship my ass. Embarrassment my ass. Everyone knew anyway. That I love you and you love me. I didn’t understand why it was a problem. I guess I just wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t wealthy enough. I would still take care of you, better than anyone could. I would give you anything, everything you asked for. So why? Why was it a problem?

I took another sip from another glass and looked at you again. I could feel Seonghwa’s disapproving energy from across the room but I ignored it. Things started blurring together, so I just stood around frowning and drank. When I could see clearly again you were gone. I lost you a long time ago and yet you still disappear.

The party was still in full swing, people now drunk enough to loosen up. All around me it was buzzing with laughter and small-talk, the men switching to joking about their wives while still pretending to talk business while the ladies emboldened by alcohol started making eyes at the young waiters. I made a disgusted face and prayed for these poor souls.

I couldn’t see Seonghwa nor Yunho anymore either and I was trying to persuade myself to move so I could find them and we could finally leave. But before I managed to move a single finger a voice tore me out of my thoughts. A sweet familiar voice.

“Hey…” It was you. You were standing on my right, close to the doors that led outside. I didn’t even notice you get there, too preoccupied with feeling sorry for myself. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was beating so hard I was afraid it was going to jump right out, right into your hands. That’s where it belonged anyway.

“Hi.” I croaked out and then embarrassedly cleared my throat. You laughed. God, how I missed that. I was just stuck looking at you with heart eyes, not even comprehending that this was really happening. Suddenly I realised that the room quieted down a little bit. The people that were present pretended to still have their conversations while straining their ears to listen to us. A fierce wave of anger ran through me but it died down as soon as I saw you gesturing to the open door.

“Do you maybe want…?” you didn’t even have to finish and I was already moving out with a scowl on my face aimed at everyone who was watching us with curious eyes. As soon as I came out panic hit me and I turned around. You must have seen the fear and laughed a little. “My father is currently in the saloon playing billiard and smoking cigars with the esteemed gentlemen, so it’s okay,” you said and sat down on of the chair on this little balcony. It was overlooking the prettily light up gardens. It was almost a romantic setting if the situation was different. I chuckled bitterly and sat down into the other chair.

I took the time to look at you properly. You were wearing a light pink dress. It was a very conservative cut, making you look almost like a happy housewife from the 50s. I let out another chuckle and you only raised an amused eyebrow at me. Your hair was longer too.

“I see that father has a say in your wardrobe too, now.” It wasn’t the best opening line. Definitely not something you say to someone you haven’t seen in months. The amusement was replaced by sadness and you looked really awkward for a moment. I wanted to slap myself for ever even opening my stupid mouth.

“You know, have to make the right impression…” you said quietly and silence took over. I hated it. I hated everything and most of all I hated your father.

“You realise that he’s going to hear about us talking anyway, right?” I asked you and took a sip. It was the last of wine I had, so I just set the glass on the table and instead nervously played with my fingers. Not holding anything allowed me to see just how much were my hands shaking. I looked over and you were also nervously smoothing out your dress over your thighs.

“Yeah, well, he’s going to kill us both but whatever,” came your response. You wanted it to sound nonchalant but we were both too anxious and running on pure adrenalin. But then you gave me a blinding smile and my heart almost broke all over again.

“Yeah, yolo or whatever,” I mumbled and looked into the garden. I heard you laugh and forbid myself from looking. My hands started to rise so I could drink but halfway through I remember I finished it already. So I let them down again. It was the middle of summer but thanks to the late hour, the weather became much more pleasant. I loosened my tie and made myself more comfortable in the chair.

The silence was slowly becoming oppressive as neither of us really knew what to say to the other. I gritted my teeth together and slowly counted the uncomfortably spent seconds slowly ticking away.

“I’m engaged.”

It felt as if the whole world was suddenly thrown askew. If I wasn’t sitting it would feel as if I was falling down the stairs. Slowly I turned to look at you. There were tears on your face. I realised that my eyes were also getting wet. Shit, either I’m too sober to have this conversation or I’m too drunk to not make a fool out of myself. My hand subconsciously moved to lay over my heart, as if to check if it was still beating. It felt as if it wasn’t, wouldn’t really surprise me.

“So this is why you wanted to talk outside…” I said slowly and suddenly my words were slurring more together. It was hard to speak over the emotions of my whole life crumbling to dust.

“Don’t you want to know with who?” you asked quietly. I could see you were too afraid to look at me properly, only glancing over from the corner of your eyes. I scoffed at your question.

“I can imagine with who. Your father has a clear type,” I said bitterly, “Probably with someone that can afford to golf with him in the country club.” You were silent and I knew you were crying. So I turned around again and looked into the garden, stubbornly ignoring the tears about to drop from my own eyes.

“We could run away together…” you whispered and I spun around again. “What!?” I almost screamed that and then checked if anyone inside heard. It seemed that no one noticed. I turned to you again. “What do you mean? Are you serious?” It was absolutely stupid idea. I started regretting not being more drunk. But then I looked at your face and saw your desperation and I realised. You mean it. You’re absolutely serious.

A lightning of hope flashed through me so strongly it almost jerked my whole body. But as soon as it appeared it was gone too. There was no way anything good would come out of that. Your father would cut you off and he’d make sure none of us ever found any respectable job. I couldn’t take everything away from you like this. I wouldn’t. Still I smiled at you and said yes. We both knew.

“We could, you could come to live with me and Seonghwa. He’d nag us all the time but all of us would have movie nights…” I whispered and finally felt the tears trickling down my face. I didn’t even bother to try and wipe them away. When I looked over you were crying too.

“We could just get up right now and leave and never come back,” you said. Neither of us made a move to get up. We just looked at each other. “I would help you with your company, I’d sew again…”

“We’d live off convenience store snacks and whatever Wooyoung brought over for us.” We laughed at that, remembering how he was always pretending to be mad at us for eating at his place too much.

“We’d be together forever… We’d win…” you whispered and I couldn’t hold back the sob that fought its way out. I had to turn away from you for a moment to try and compose myself, even though I heard you crying right next to me. We knew it was impossible, but for a few sweet moments we let ourselves imagine our life together. No one spoke then and after a little while I heard rustling of you getting up.

I didn’t want to look. I didn't want to see you leave and I didn't want you to see me cry. But I knew I’d never see you again and everything be damned, I wouldn’t waste my last chance to lay my eyes on you.

You smiled and even with your face all wet and red and puffed up from crying, you were the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.

“I better go,” you whispered again and gestured to the door, “before my dad finds out.” I laughed at the irony of the words. And then I nodded. “Yeah… See you.” The hopeful tone I said those words in was completely against my will. I wouldn’t. But I wanted to believe. You didn’t reply to that and then you slipped inside, forever slipped out of my reach.

I don’t know how much time passed, but when Seonghwa found his way to the balcony, I was still numbly sitting in the chair looking out into the gardens with dried tears on my face. Within few seconds he was on me, holding my shoulder and looking at me with gentle sad eyes, asking me what happened. I was silent. When he was guiding me back inside, I was silent. When Yunho saw us and walked over with concern written all over his face, I was silent. When we were walking out, while we were driving back home, when we were standing in the elevator taking us up to our flat, I was silent. All I could do was wish. Wish we could be heroes, just for one day.

A/N: hope you liked it! don't be shy ^^

[sopejinsunflower]

a/n: Ironically, I got this idea while listening to Fukaimori by Do As Infinity. Please read the translated lyrics if you’re interested. Also, I started this as a drabble actually. I don’t know why I always write angst :’)

Summary: Kim Seokjin wants to chase his dream of exploring space. It’s all he ever wanted. And you only ever wanted him but you will not stand in between him and his passion. But there is a secret that you kept, too afraid it might hold him back.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x you

Tags: Sci-Fi AU! Astronaut Jin! Childhood lovers AU! angst, drama, heartbreak, read only if you want to feel sad. Bittersweet ending.

Word count: 7k

“It’s so wide it’s kind of scary, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s beautiful.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and one day I’m going to be among those pretty lights.”

“You are a pretty light.”

– – – 

Jin’s eyes blink open and it takes him a while to find his bearings, remaining on his bed a little longer, staring up at the ceiling. He can hear his work partner moving around in the next room before he hears the man exit. He should, too, even if he rather pulls the blanket over his head and just disappears.

Getting out of bed, he gets ready to start the day. The first place he visits is the kitchen to get some caffeine into his system. He remembers dreaming but can’t remember what the dream was, only that it left a foul taste in his mouth and an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Morning,” Hoseok greets, standing in the middle of the kitchen area with a mug in both hands. He doesn’t look like he had a good sleep either. 

“Morning,” Jin replies, taking out his mug and pouring himself a good helping of steaming coffee. He stands there, blowing the coffee to have it cool down a little before taking a tentative sip. He looks up at Hoseok, who is buried in some research papers. “Is that a new one?”

The second-in-command nods, not looking up. “Yep. They have a new location for us to check out. I’m just checking to see how much bullshit is in this one.” He rolls his eyes but focuses back on reading, eyebrows knitting together, mouth downturned.

Jin chuckles. “Well, have fun and update me later if there’s anything worth noting.”

He leaves Hoseok and heads towards the front of the Freljord, the huge long windows that line the walls showing him the dark and vast universe outside. A big fat nothing, you used to tell him when he would send pictures earlier in the first year of his voyage. He used to argue with you about it, trying to educate and explain to you that it’s not nothing but a whole new possibility of finding a new planet to call home. That is Freljord's mission, started seven years ago when everyone on board had been excited and full of hope. 

 Now, not so much, Jin thinks as he enters the main control room, or the cockpit. He finds Namjoon there, looking at a chart hovering inches from his face, the soft glow casting his face blue. “Anything of note?” he asks as he steps up to his chair in the middle and starts up his console. 

Namjoon shakes his head. “Nope. Nothing much. Just,” he looks up towards the big glass window ahead, “forward, I guess.”

“Hoseok got some new materials,” Jin says as he busies himself with the blue screen that illuminates holographically in front of him, moving his hands deftly across it in front of his face. “Maybe he’ll have some new coordinates for us.”

Namjoon hums a response before putting away the chart with a flick of his wrist. The two men sit in silence, both tending to their own tasks before Namjoon sighs. Jin glances at his Chief Navigator. “Problem?”

“No,” replies Namjoon with a shake of his head. “Just…”

Jin fully turns around. “What is it?”

“Sometimes it just gets to you, you know,” Namjoon says heavily, rubbing the point in between in his eyes. “It just feels…pointless.”

Jin doesn’t reply but turns his chair back around, looking at the hologram in front of him but not really seeing anything. He understands exactly what Namjoon is saying because he feels it, too, more so recently. It’s just one of those days where he wakes up with the thought of you at the forefront of his mind, unable to push you to where you should be, at the back of his mind, buried with time. His shipmate is right; it does feel pointless. Seven years in space with nothing yet command centre still insists on going further out.  

And every year, Jin only grows bitter and bitter. The project was only supposed to be a five-year plan but in the fifth year, a research paper came out about the possibility of finding a habitable planet in Andromeda and they were ordered to head that way. The excuse was that Freljord is advanced enough to make the trip, the first craft to reach the edge of our galaxy in half a decade! So it must be able to travel towards Andromeda, right? With a few stops along the way, because why not, right?

Jin is starting to think that the command centre forgot that there are real life humans in this spaceship, that this isn’t their own science fiction novel that they can write however they pleased. But Jin doesn’t have the power to turn them down. If they turn back around, they’ll be welcomed back as traitors. He had been subtly warned as such. 

According to the calculation, they should break into Andromeda’s galaxy in a few more years, five the maximum, three if they’re lucky that nothing gets in their way. But judging from the asteroid shower six months ago that deviated them from their straight path by a year, three years seems unlikely.The idea that they all might just die in space is growing more and more solid in Jin’s mind, the Freljord forever floating, lost in space.

It’s Jin’s turn to sigh, heavy and long. He goes back to his console, typing and clicking on certain things to make sure the ship is running smoothly. Hoseok comes in a few minutes later, a bagel in between his teeth. He removes it before speaking to Jin. “So basically, they want us to head on to this new coordinate.” He points to a long string of numbers on the paper.

“And you don’t look too happy about it,” Jin notes, looking at his face.

Namjoon comes over to peer at the coordinates and his face scrunches up. “Are they fucking with us?”

Jin lets out a humourless laugh. “They’ve been at it for a couple of years now I thought you’d notice.”

“This is way out of our way,” Namjoon points out, annoyed. “This would set us back from the main mission, like, two years the least!” 

Namjoon throws himself back into his seat, face buried in his hands. Hoseok gives him a sympathetic look but turns back to Jin. “It’s not set yet. This is just their proposal. But from the sound of those papers, it might already have been decided.”

Jin rubs his temple with two fingers. “And what’s over there?”

Hoseok bites the inside of his cheek before answering, “Water.”

Jin regards him through a frown. “What the fuck.”

The other man shrugs. “Seems like another craft researching asteroids found traces of it.”

“The same ones we passed by six months ago?”

“Seems like it,” the second-in-command answers. “And according to their calculation, this would be the general direction where they came from.”

Jin shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense. They want us to head straight to an asteroid belt for all we know. Can you reconfirm?”

“Already did. Might take a while until we hear back, though.”

Hoseok watches his captain contemplate, his forehead creasing over. Jin throws his gaze back outside to the abyss in front of him. Honestly, he’s not thinking of anything much. His mind is blank. To him, two years or five years don’t make much of a difference now. Any motivation that he had at the start of this mission to go home and resume the life he left behind is long gone. There’s nothing left for him back on Earth, therefore, nothing left for him to lose. To go or not to go no longer bothers him. But he still has other people to think about, crew members of seventy to weigh in on that decision. They are his main concern. 

Hoseok recognises that blank expression well. “I’ll call for a meeting with all the heads during lunchtime.”

The captain merely nods. 

***

The seven chief officers sit around the table.

Jin sits in the middle and Hoseok and Namjoon on either side of him. The Communication Officer, Min Yoongi, is to Hoseok’s left and the Chief Science Officer, Park Jimin, is to Namjoon’s right. Kim Taehyung, the Chief Engineer and the Chief of Security, Jeon Jungkook, brings up the total of the leaders on board. Each man is responsible for at least ten other crews under them but the whole weight of the ship falls on Jin’s broad shoulders.

Hoseok finishes the debriefing, keeping it short and simple. He now poses the main question. “We need to know if all of us are in favour of going off route to check out this supposedly new source of water or if we should just remain our course for Andromeda.”

“I say we stay on course,” Jungkook offers first. “We’re already in the second year of a five-year plan for Andromeda. I rather we don’t lose any more years on something so vague.”

Kim Taehyung nods. “I agree.”

“But what if we do find it?” Jimin implores, looking around the table. “The possibility of being the first to find water in space! Imagine that! I say we go check it out.”

“If we do, we’ll be set back by two years at the least,” Namjoon adds. “Would that still be okay?”

Jimin nods. “So what? We’ve already been here seven years. What’s a couple more?”

“Easy for you to say,” Taehyung argues. “Some of us have people waiting for us back home. I promise my fiance at least five more years. Five more years and I’ll be home and I can marry her.”

Jimin pulls a face. “I told you to break it off before we go onto the ship. You’re just stringing her along at this rate.”

“Fuck off,” Taehyung growls. “A playboy like you wouldn’t get it.”

Jimin opens his mouth to retort but Jin slams his fist on the table. “Enough. I’m giving three days for each of you to explain this to your crew and come back with a unionised decision. Majority wins.”

“Come on, captain,” Taehyung pleads. “Let’s not. Let’s tell Command we don’t have enough resources to prolong this voyage. The craft behind us can do it.”

Yoongi nods, agreeing. “It’s their area of study anyway.”

“Their craft isn’t built like ours,” Hoseok interjects. “They wouldn’t make the trip nor would they even make it further out of the Kuiper Belt.”

“Which is why this is coming to us,” Yoongi concludes to himself, silently understanding. Freljord is one of a kind, a miracle created that couldn’t be replicated as close as to the original. It’s high-tech, advanced and self-sustaining in terms of fuel. Shaped like a sperm, the front part is a spherical globe with a bridge connecting a smaller-sized one that makes the tail where the engineering team is. 

“Truthfully,” Namjoon pipes up. “I’m with Taehyung on this one. I want to go home, Captain. Don’t you?”

Jin is caught off guard that the navigator would target him, staring at Namjoon like a deer in headlights. Somewhere in the distance, he can hear Taehyung saying something about Jin having left a girlfriend back home, too, so naturally, he should be on their side. But Jin’s mouth is dry. They knew he had someone before they started this mission, he had talked about you, had even had a few grainy video calls with you with them present, had always run back to his room to check for mails from you every night without fail.

Suddenly, Jin is brought back in time.

– – –

“When are you leaving?”

You looked at him through wide, teary eyes, standing at the kitchen island of the apartment you shared with him. He stood on the other side, arms hanging limply on both his sides. He had anticipated that you’d be upset but he didn’t think it would be this bad. He had excitedly come home to show you the letter of acceptance for the Andromeda mission, unable to hide the wide smile on his face. You had read the letter but your face had crumpled. By the end of it, your eyes stung by how much tears are pooling in them.

“It’s a good opportunity,” he had said, trying to convince you. “It’s once in a lifetime and there’s only one spaceship that can do this. It seems I’m the only one compatible to steer it and they need me. It’ll be good for-”

“Is that all you care about?” you wailed. “That they need you? What about me, Jin? What about us?” You waved the letter in his face. “It says here it’ll take ten years. You’re going to be gone for ten years!”

“I know, I know,” Jin tried to placate, putting his arms around your waist. You pulled away moving towards the kitchen, the letter still scrunched up in your fist. He followed you. “Baby, it’s ten years maximum. It could be less. This new spaceship is something no one has ever seen before. It’s much faster, much more-”

“I don’t care, Jin! I don’t fucking care how fucking awesome the ship is! I don’t want you to go!” 

You were fully crying by then, leaning against the island top as you tried to get your breathing under control. You placed one hand against your chest, feeling the pain about to rip you apart. You know that he’s been training for this, dedicating most of his youth to the space centre in hopes that one day he’ll get to go. And now he could but you didn’t think the day would come and that it would come so soon. 

“When are you leaving?” you asked through shaky lips, your voice barely coming out. 

Jin scratched the back of his head. “Well, there’s still more training to do and-”

“When?” you insisted. 

Jin studied your face, feeling his hands shake. Mere hours ago, when he received the letter, he had been almost bouncing in his seat, unable to focus on anything except to go home and break the news to you. But now, the excitement had dissipated, replaced with nothing but a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, the kind that made him think that his heart had fallen out of its place. There’s a lump in his throat and he swallows it. “Next year.”

Your face fell once again, crumpling to the floor as your body heaved with every sob. Jin rushed forward, collecting you in his arms and pulling you into his lap. He didn’t have any words to say, didn’t know what he could say to comfort you. He thought you’d understand but understanding and accepting are two very different things, he realised. 

Jin knew that as much as this news had been an amazing one, something no one else has ever done before, it’s also something very agonising, now that he’s actually thinking about it. But the pros outweigh the cons, he had selfishly thought. All his life, he had wanted nothing more than to be able to go into space on one of his own missions. He had dreamt of this since he was a little kid, since they were little kids. All those nights of camping in the backyard of your house in the small tent your dad pitched up counting stars, you both had talked about it. Or at least he did. 

And you had been supportive of his dreams. You had been the one person in his corner to push him to go into astronautics after high school, the one person who helped him study for exams when he thought that he couldn’t do it because it had been too damn hard. You were the person that packed his lunch on days when he had been too tired to even remember to eat, painstakingly shaping the sausages and eggs and sandwiches into little stars and moons and a rocketman. You had cheered the loudest when he got accepted into the Aerospace Research Institute, taking him out to dinner at one of the most luxurious steakhouses in town. It had cost you three of your part-time paychecks to pay but it had been worth it.

A week after his first paycheck, Jin finally had the balls to ask you to officially be his girlfriend but it had almost seemed that that had been the case for most of your university lives, you two joined at the hips even when you were studying at different universities, that it felt natural to just say yes. He bought you a promise ring three months later and you both had planned out the rest of your lives together. Not once did it occur to both of you that it might not come. Not once did either of you ever doubt a future together, the names of your kids picked out and carefully written in a journal you both shared. 

Not until that night of the acceptance letter. It felt like the whole world upended for you, ripped out from beneath your feet. Is this what it felt like for Jin to be in that zero-G simulator day in and day out? Because to you, it feels like nothing is reliable anymore; up is down, left is right, right is wrong. It made you feel like throwing up, your head spinning from the sudden unknown of what’s to come. You didn’t like it and you hated that Jin went to work living off of this feeling. He loves it so much he’s willing to leave you behind for more and that's what hurts the most, unfair as it was.

If truth be told, you never expected for Jin to go into space, not that he was incapable but that it had been difficult to be picked. And it’s not everyday that they were sending people into orbit. When Jin told you about the Andromeda Project, you had secretly doubted it. No other country had ever had the technology to make such a craft that can easily travel into interstellar, never mind one big enough to carry close to a hundred crew. But the Andromeda Project had been going on far longer before Jin joined and by the time he had enough experience and knowledge and whatever else requirements needed, it was time to start choosing and training the right people.

Even then, you had your doubts. According to your brother, Hoseok, the competition was tough and they usually go for those with no young family left behind. Jin might not have a family but he wouldn’t abandon you, right? Only you were wrong. So arrogant you were to think that you could compete with his childhood dream, so you relented. 

“Okay,” you said, one night as you were getting ready for bed and Jin was propped against the headboard, reading an article on his iPad. He looked up, confused. “Okay,” you said again. “I’ll support you.”

It takes a moment for Jin’s brain to finally click, throwing down the iPad and crawling over towards your side of the bed. He hugged you from behind, pressing lingering kisses on your shoulder. “I promise it’ll go by faster before you know it.”

You didn’t believe him. Who would? Space exploration is the one thing that no one can really tell on, especially one like the voyage he was about to embark on. It’s never been done before so what precedent can anyone refer to? Everything is a blank slate and yes, he would be making history. You’re proud of him for that but at the same time bitter that it had to be him who goes. What’s worse, Hoseok got in, too, so you’ll be left all alone, the one left waiting. 

Jin could see how much you were trying to play the supportive girlfriend role. You never complained about his late nights, you never asked more than what you wanted to know, never burdened him with anything you can handle yourself. You took care of his lunch and supplements and as the months went by, you took care of everything in regards to the household, everything so that Jin didn’t have to think of anything else except his oncoming mission. 

And the busier Jin got, the heavier your heart grew. When you had a falling out with one of your close friends, Jin didn’t hear about it. He didn’t have to, his mind was preoccupied enough already. When your mother called one day asking if you were still with him when he was going to leave, you had hung up on her. You cried yourself to sleep because you couldn’t distract him. He needed the rest, he needed the clarity. All that he needed, you gave it to him and with that, he never noticed that you were barely keeping your own head above water as you held him afloat.

Three months before his take off date, Jin went down on one knee. The ring he proposed with had been his mother’s, tweaked to have a new diamond installed, a diamond that resembled the north star. “So I know where I’m heading to. You are my last destination,” he had promised. You said yes, because what else could you have said? Like the rest of the issues that were building, this was one of them that he didn’t need to contend with, not when he was about to leave. The preparation had been tough and Jin was stressed out enough, hardly even home for him to notice the change in you, both mentally and physically.

The first year of the Freljord take off had been excruciating. You only received two emails forwarded through from ARI; one from him and one from Hoseok. It’s the year that they had gone into cryosleep. Jin’s email had been a long one, detailing all the little things saved up in his heart that he never had the chance to tell you while still on Earth and all the little details of his voyage so far, the latter more than the first, and that was when you knew. 

But a year wasn’t long enough for you to be sure. You were a good girlfriend so you waited, giving it more time, hoping that with time, you can learn to accept reality. But the next email came almost three years later when he was finally awake again. Moving on was harder than it sounded. It wasn’t an actual break up nor a death but a sort of limbo that your fiance might or might not return. You wanted so much to let him know but it never seemed appropriate to tell something so important via email so you waited for a video call chance.

Video calls are much harder. His crewmates would sometimes pop in and out of frame to say hello, teasing him in the background. But the worst part was the fact that Jin looked happy. He would talk on and on about the ship, the crews, the vast nothingness he could see out the window, none of which you cared for. He did not, in fact, ask anything about the life he left behind. The video calls were short, too, more static than anything else, so never a good time to bring up the subject of the one thing he should know about. But letting him know could cost him the project so you couldn’t do it, didn’t have the heart to. 

When you’re on a spaceship that travels on hyperspeed, time completely changes between space and Earth. In his excitement, Jin had completely forgotten about this one important fact. And that was one of his many mistakes.  

– – –

Hoseok, who knows more than the others, pulls their attention away from the captain. “Jin already said majority wins. So go back to your units and let us know in three days. We’ll decide from there. Meeting adjourned.”

The others left, talking among themselves but Jin remained at his seat. Hoseok stays next to him. He doesn’t speak, letting the older man decide for himself whether he wants to share whatever that was on his mind or not. Hoseok and Seokjin have been friends since high school, too long to even count the years now. He could tell right away this morning when Jin came into the kitchen that something was wrong and had been wrong for a while now, at least for this past month. 

“Is it y/n?” Hoseok broaches, growing a tad bit impatient. If it is, then Hoseok can worry less. If it’s something to do with the mission then he should know about it, too. 

Jin slowly looks up. His eyes are clouded over, making it hard for Hoseok to read his best friend. What in the world is he hiding? What is it? 

Without speaking, Jin takes out his mobile pad from his belt, swipes around on it and then passes it over to Hoseok, looking down at his lap. The Chief Officer silently takes the device and looks at the screen. The first thing he sees is the sender’s name: y/n l/n. The body of the message is short. A simple, ‘I’m sorry, Seokjinie.’ There’s an attachment at the bottom and he taps on it. At the sight of the image, Hoseok whips back around to Jin. 

“When did you get this?”

“Last month,” Jin croaks out, still looking down. When he speaks again, his voice breaks. “The further away we are from Earth, the longer it takes for messages to arrive.” The tears flow, dripping down Jin’s face and into his lap. He has yet to raise his head.

Hoseok looks back down to the picture. He recognises it, receiving the same one in his email at the same time Jin did, he bet. He hadn’t said anything to the captain, didn't know how. But Jin also had been quiet, too quiet, he thinks but if the man wasn’t ready to talk about it, Hoseok isn’t the type to push. Now, he thinks he should’ve. 

Yes, the further away they move from Earth, the harder it is for any communication to happen between Command and the ship. It just takes longer for anything to arrive. Not only that, Freljord moves at the speed of light, warping the concept of time for all its crew. If Hoseok’s calculation is correct, this email is five years late, which means-

Jin’s crying grows harder, sobbing so hard he doubles over. Hoseok can only put one hand on the man’s back, rubbing up and down but not really doing much to calm his friend. Jin had never experienced such pain, his chest aching so much he wishes he could tear his skin off if it alleviates the hurt. Jin has always been good at bottling his feelings, he’s done it his whole life. He’s not an emotional person (wouldn’t be able to be an astronaut if he was). 

When you were kids and he skinned his knees from falling over his bicycle, you were the one who cried while he stood there stoically as his mother slaps on a cartoon band aid. When Hoseok would get angry at him for hogging the PlayStation, he would just drop the controller in the midst of the boss battle so Hoseok can have a turn. When you were angry at him for something he had said, he had sat there calmly listening to you ranting at him why it was the wrong thing to say, mentally noting to not say it again. When you had broken down over the news of his acceptance to the Andromeda Project, his eyes had been dry.

But right now, it feels like the whole ship could go down and he wouldn’t give a fuck if it meant he would stop feeling this ripping pain. If a window of the ship had been breached, he would run towards it and lunge himself out. If there was anything on the manual about how to numb the agony coursing through his veins, he would tear out every nook and cranny of this ship to find it. But all he has is Hoseok, silently rubbing his back.

“I’m too late, Hoseok,” he keens, the note of his voice breaking Hoseok’s heart. “I’m too late. I was so stupid. So fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve stayed behind. I should’ve been with her.”

But Hoseok’s not sure if time would reverse, Jin would choose differently. He knows the man too well. Space is all he has ever talked about, he’s sure even you knew that. Hoseok also knows that if Jin had decided to not go, you would’ve changed his mind. You love him too much to not let him live his dreams and Hoseok thinks it’s only fair for Jin to do the same. But he guesses the difference was that one had seen it coming long before while the other had been too blinded by passion. Neither was wrong, though, he thinks.

As Jin continues to bawl, loud enough for Yoongi to come back to the kitchen to check on the noise but retreat back out once he sees Jin, Hoseok looks back at the picture still on the screen of Jin’s communicator pad. The cream-coloured background with the gold emboss of the wedding invite stares prettily back at him. Hoseok wonders how old his niece and nephew are now.

– – –

The house is finally quiet, the only sound being the clinking of dishes as you wash them, humming to yourself softly to a song you can’t quite remember the title of nor the actual lyrics. 

Every once in a while, you catch yourself looking up into the window above the sink and only seeing your reflection, the necklace around your neck glinting everytime it catches the light. The north star diamond rests just right on your sternum, lightly thudding against your bone whenever you move.

You’re lost in your own thoughts, your hands moving automatically, the sound of the tap water running a background noise. Your husband is already in bed; he’d had a long day at work. You’re sure that when you go up to bed, he’ll stir awake before pulling you to sleep in his arms. He told you once a long time ago, six months into the relationship, that he cannot sleep without you any longer. You’re his comfort then, his comfort now fifteen years later. But you probably won’t go straight to bed when you’re done with this. 

You put the last dish on the rack and wipe your hands. The letter that came in today sits on the table in the hallway, untouched. You had taken one look at the logo stamped on the front left corner of the envelope and had almost dropped it, feeling like the piece of paper had burnt you. With shaky hands, you had picked it back up and placed it where it is now, hoping that when the recipient sees it, he’ll take care of it. 

But he hadn’t so now you have to make sure that he does before he sleeps. You make your way up the steps, one hand running up the bannister, not for support but mostly because if you don’t have your hand on something solid, you’d feel like you might float away. The skylight installed years ago allows the bright light of the full moon to cascade down into the house, illuminating your way perfectly fine. You look up at the sky, noticing the tiny little sparkling stars and you can’t help but feel bittersweet, a sort of melancholy you thought would have faded in time. The letter is clutched in your other hand.

Up the stair, you make towards the first door on the left. You take a deep breath, send up a silent prayer and knock. 

“Yeah?”

You open the door and peer in, finding your son sitting at his desk, his laptop opened. He leans over his chair to look at you, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” you ask.

He nods. “Yeah, sure. ‘Sup?”

You walk in and look around the room. For a seventeen-year-old teenager, he’s pretty tidy, tidier than his twin sister, surprisingly. The many books on the shelves are arranged in order of genres; fiction, non-fiction, and school books. The fiction section consists of about fifteen books right at the bottom. Two-third of the tall shelves are full of non-fictions, mostly science related, almost all on space and astronomy. When he had expressed interest in that specific area, you had been hesitant, but you’re not one to stand in the way of the people you love. It has always been like that.

Above his bed, stuck to the ceiling, are a constellation of stars and planets, glowing green in the dim lighting. Among them is a rocket-shaped one. 

That’s why when the letter came today, you knew what it was. Your heart and brain war against each other; one tells you to rip it up to miniscule pieces and throw them away, the other already knows you’ll do what’s right. Because you’ve done it before. 

You sit on his bed, careful not to mess up the covers too much. The laundry basket is full and you point to it. “I told you to bring it down, didn’t I?”

Taejin pushes his chair away from the desk and swirls it around to face you. “You didn’t come here to lecture me about my laundry, omma, did you?”

You look at him, noticing that his hair is getting a little long around the ears, poking against his neck and fluffy at the top. Except for his eyes, he looks nothing like you and very much resembles his father more than anything. It’s a haunting image sometimes. There’s more of his father in him than just the look, apparently. You smile and shake your head. “No, I didn't.” You produce the letter. “I came to give you this. It arrived earlier today.”

His eyes light up before it dims again. He opens his mouth then closes it, shaking his head. “I was waiting for it but now I don’t know if I’m ready to know.”

You mull over his words, nodding to yourself. “But how long are you going to put it off? Even if you don't, time will still continue to flow, you know? It’s not going to stop just because you’re not ready.”

He looks a little confused, his head tilted to one side. You let out a soft laugh. “Look, Jinnie, if you get in, that’s great. If you don’t, it’s not the end of the world. You can choose another school, another programme.” You doubt the latter half of your words, knowing him well enough that it wouldn’t be that easy for him to give it up. “Or would you want me to look for you?”

He thinks about it before shaking his head. “No. I’ll do it.”

You hand him the letter, watching him tear it open with shaking fingers. He pulls out the piece of paper inside and unfolds it. He gives you one last look and you nod with encouragement. “It’s not the end of the world.”

He reads it, eyes going over the words with such speed before he looks up, eyes wide. Curious, you get up and stand next to him, reading the content of the letter from over his shoulder. A small part of you withered, noting that this is how it had started, too, back then. You beam at Taejin, ruffling his hair. “Congratulations, my little spaceman. You got in.”

While your daughter pursues music, your son follows his dream. As Areum debuted in a girl-group in South Korea, Taejin finishes his internship with the Aerospace Research Institute. As you cheer Areum at her first stadium concert, Taejin is wrapping up his initial training as an astronaut as one of the top trainees in line for the space mission, Andromeda II. On the day that Areum flies back from her Grammy performance show, she heads straight for ARI, breathless and still very much jetlag to say goodbye to her twin before his thirty days quarantine starts. She might not see him again, ever, but that’s something you did not mention to either of them. 

Areum had to leave earlier, tear-stained face waving goodbye from the door, unable to actually leave. You watch as Taejin gives her one last, long hug, the kind of hug that clearly communicates the amount of love he has for her, the kind of hug people give when they know it might be the final goodbye. She leaves then, hiccuping and sobbing, and you wished you had left with her. But not yet, you still have one last thing for your son, a parting gift.

“I want you to have something,” you say, unclasping the necklace from around your neck and placing it in his palm, closing his fingers onto it. “I want you to hold on to this for me, okay?”

Taejin looks close to tears. “But, omma. I know how precious this necklace is to you. Are you sure? Shouldn’t you be giving this to Areum instead?”

You smile at him. “I have something else for her, don’t worry. I want you to wear it, always.”

He doesn’t ask questions but puts it around his own neck, placing it safely inside his T-shirt. “Will Jackson be okay with you giving me this?” he laughs, only jesting.

You shake your head. “It wasn’t from him.”

He looks surprised. 

You let out a soft sigh. “Taejin-ah,” you say, trying to arrange your words carefully. “Do you remember that astronaut story I used to tell you when you were little? The one that went on to travel the universe, in search of his north star?”

He nods hesitantly, probably the memory of the story faded with time. “I can recall bits and pieces. Why?”

“Well, what if I tell you he had been a real person?”

Taejin stares at you. “What do you mean?”

Suddenly, the intercom in the lounge room crackles to life and a disembodied voice echoes throughout the whole arena. “Five minutes until quarantine starts. All trainees are required to check in at seventeen hundred hours.” The announcement is repeated once more and you grip Taejin’s hand, your heart breaking. How many times can it break the same way in a lifetime?

“Listen to me,” you say, speaking urgently. “You told me that your mission is to-”

“Converge with the crew of the first Andromeda mission on Planet-”

“Yes, that,” you interject, waving for him to stop. Time is running out. “There’s someone on that mission that I want you to find, someone who will recognise the necklace I gave you.” 

“Someone other than Uncle Hoseok?”

You nod and smile but the tears are creeping down your cheeks. Taejin catches them with his fingers but you ignore him, ignore the tears. “When you find him, you’d know. All the questions you’ve been asking me that I couldn’t answer will be answered, I promise you.”

The announcement reverberates through the air one more time and the whole room flutters with activity as family members and friends and loved ones of those taking off next month hurry to leave or give one last hug or kiss.  

Taejin looks a little lost. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. What are you-”

“Trust me, okay? Wear the necklace always and you’ll know when you find him,” you repeat, getting up and pulling away but your son wouldn’t let go of your hands.

“Omma, please,” he begs. “I need more explanation. Why tell me this now?”

You manage to free your hands from his grasp, the tears blurring your vision. You pull him in for one last hug and hold his head in place as you place a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, Taejinnie. All I did was out of love. Tell Hoseok I love him and miss him so much. We all do. Tell them all about us.”

Taejin relents, letting go of you and finally moving towards the door that will take him and the others inside the building to be quarantined pre-flight. He has his suspicions on who you meant but the name was never mentioned, or it was in the story you’ve told that he had thought fiction. But that was a story when he was a child, something that’s only a vague memory in his head. Now, he racks his brain for it. 

For the next thirty days of quarantine, Taejin obsesses over remembering the name. In a bout of desperation, he manages to pull up the name list of all the crews of the Freljord, the predecessor ship of the one he will embark on. He doesn’t have to look far, the name jumping out to him on the first line, noticing the similarity immediately. Captain Kim Seokjin. To confirm it, he finds a picture of the commanding officers of that spaceship and he almost falls over his chair. 

It’s like staring at a picture of himself. The father that he had been looking for all this time, the father that he had given up asking about by the time he was eight, is one of the men that he is going to meet in another galaxy. He grabs ahold of your necklace, his fist wrapping around the north star diamond. 

“I’m coming,” he whispers to himself, his fingers rubbing against the diamond softly. “Please be there. I'm coming to find you.”

a/n2: I might have ended this a little too abruptly but I was running out of motivation lol lmk what you think of this one shot in the comment or ask. Like and reblog will be much appreciated :)

Check out my other works → :MASTERLIST:

[gingerjunhan]

Hi! It's 🎸 anon coming in with my first request? Request? Idea? Headcanon? Idk what to call it English is hard :(

BUT! I wanted to ask what your ideas would be for a s/o who is also an instrumentalist, but feels like their skills aren't on par with them and is kinda embarrassed to show them their playing. You can choose the member you'd think is most fit for the role!

[insert cool fluttery ending statement here]

☆彡 sorry this request took me a while to come around to 🎸anon. School has been really busy lately. Thank you for your patience, and I hope you enjoy :) also, I loved this request so I made this ot6 instead of picking a member!

word count: 943 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: reader is shy about playing/ performing, all caps used, lmk if I missed anything

goo gunil

Gunil strikes me as the type of person to have a HUGE unwavering respect for people who can do things he can’t

I think Gunil would be so so so impressed with your musical abilities

but he doesn’t want to pressure you into playing for him if you don’t feel comfortable doing so

but I can imagine Gunil coming home from work one day and as he walks in the door he hears you playing from the other room

so instead of making his presence known he just stays quiet and listens from outside of the room you’re in

once you’re finished with the piece you’re working on, he would come into the room, making himself known

definitely gives you a round of applause on his way in the door :(

“That sounded great sweetie!! Very well done.”

he would be so proud of you that he almost wouldn’t notice the embarrassed look on your face

“How much did you hear?”

“Not much, but it was amazing! You need to have more faith in yourself, okay? You’re very talented.”

after this, he still doesn’t hear you practice or perform much

but on the rare occasions that he does, he makes sure to let you know how talented you are

kim jungsu

if you don’t want him to hear you practice, Jungsu is locking himself away in another room with headphones on

he doesn’t want to make you feel uneasy

he would probably understand how you feel, seeing how he went from idol training to band training

but deep down inside, he knows you’re doing great

if there’s a day that you finally let him hear you practice or perform he gets SO HAPPY!!!

straight up smiling and giggling the whole time he’s so proud

we all know that big smile he does where his cheeks kinda squish up and he just beams at you

UGH just imagine that face as you approach him after a concert/ performance

“You did great!! I knew your hard work would pay off!”

imagine him giving you flowers after a performance OMGG I love him so much

also hot take: I think Jungsu- like the rest of us band kids- has a thing for concert black. I’ll say it.

kwak jiseok

Jiseok would probably be one to beg to see you play

and he’s coming to you with a deal

“I will play literally any song you want! We can trade! I’ll play for you and you play for me.”

you had to really think about it

but at the end of the day, you love him too much to say no

so you pick a song, and he plays it, and it only makes you feel worse????

“You’re so talented Jiseok. I can’t do anything like that :(“

GASP, CLUTCH CHEST his heart is breaking

he’s your number-one hype boy

“C’mon, baby! You’re so talented!”

but if you really felt too embarrassed he would drop the conversation altogether

he would rather go without hearing you okay than force you to do something you aren’t comfortable doing yet

but if you do take the deal, he’s all ears

no matter how simple your song is, he’s going crazy

“Bravo! Encore!”

“Jiseok please-“

oh seungmin

much like Jungsu, Seungmin knows how it feels to lack confidence in an instrument

unlike Jungsu, I can picture Seungmin being sneaky

“Min, do you mind if I go in the other room and practice for a while?”

“Of course not baby. I’ll stay right here.”

LIAR

he isn’t like Gunil who would just so happen to catch you practicing every now and then

he would be speaking up to your door or dropping what he’s doing and PAYING ATTENTION

he loves it

he thinks you sound great

but you don’t know this

because once he hears you wrapping up and putting your instrument away he is RUSHING back to where he was prior

“How’d it go in there?”

he totally has videos of your playing that he takes from outside the door

if you find them? he better watch out

han hyeongjun

I feel like Hyeongjun- as the resident XH “shy boy”- gets it

if you’re too embarrassed to play for him, that’s fine

performing in front of others can be hard!

but when he finds out the reason

oh his heart

he thinks your playing is amazing!

he’s literally never heard it before but he can feel it in his heart that it’s amazing!

he knows his words won’t convince you to play for him or make your embarrassment disappear

but he does what he can

he knows more than anybody that practice makes perfect

“Did you practice today? How did it go?”

if you specify, that’s great

if you don’t, that’s okay too

moral of the story: he’s probably been in your position, so there’s no need to push yourself into performing any time soon

lee jooyeon

Jooyeon is on his hands and knees begging to hear you play

“(Y/N), I’m gonna go practice a bit. Do you want to join me?”

“Jooyeon, that’s not how that works-“

if he even catches a glimpse of you picking up your instrument he gets excited

he eventually wears you down, and you play the shortest peace you can for him

he’s so attentive and so sweet

he might as well have just watched an orchestra perform

“That was amazing!! You had nothing to be worried about honey.”

if you really felt too embarrassed to play for him he would just ask you to talk about your instrument with him

what are you working on, what are you struggling with, can he help- that type of thing

he just wants to love and support you!

[e-dubbc11]

Unforgiven

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F! Reader

Warnings: angst and tears

Word Count: 1.6k-ish

A/N: Based off of the prompt “I don’t forgive you” from my lovely friend, Kim @kayhi808 and I honestly would have guessed this prompt would have been for Billy but I’m so happy to do this one for Matt. I hope you like it!

Everyone was staring at you. At least that’s the way you felt, sitting in the restaurant, all alone at a table set for two. The tapered candles in front of you dripped down further and further as the minutes ticked away.

Glancing down at your watch, it said 7:30. He was supposed to meet you here at 6. He had asked you where you wanted to go, he said he would take you anywhere you wanted, anywhere at all so you told him you wanted to come here.

This was where he told you he loved you for the first time, the words just kind of slipped out but you thought it was so sweet how nervous he was.

“I can take care of myself, Matty. I’ve been walking around Hell’s Kitchen alone since I was young. You don’t have to worry.” You told him.

Matt adjusted his glasses, his tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, and he had a worried look on his face. “But I do worry about you, sweetheart.”

“But I told you, Matty–I’m fine. Why are you so worried?” You asked.

“Because, I just–I…” Matt stumbled over his words.

Frustrated with him, you raised your voice a little. “You just what, Matthew?! What is it? You think I can’t take care of myself?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” He said. “I worry because–”

“Spit it out, Matt!” You griped.

Flustered, he just blurted out. “Because I love you!”

That was how Matt Murdock told you he loved you for the first time. It wasn’t how you pictured him saying it for the first time but it was hard not to love him back for wanting for you to be safe.

Lately, your relationship with Matt wasn’t going so well though. He had a long list of reasons why he couldn’t call or see you. It was always he had to work late, he had court, he had notes to go over, etc.

He had one excuse after another but you loved him so you tried to be understanding and he had been working very hard lately.

But you also had a feeling he was keeping something from you. The bruises on his face, the cuts on his knuckles, and the nights he was supposed to see you but he kept canceling.

Matt would tell you that he walked into a wall or slipped in the shower. It was hard to accuse him of any wrongdoing though, he was blind after all. It wasn’t that far-fetched that he walked into a wall or accidentally fell down the stairs.

All of these occurrences were interfering in your relationship but he said he would try harder because he loved you and he didn’t want to lose you.

For the past couple of months, every time you made plans to see each other, Matt didn’t show up. He called to apologize but you were tired of giving him chances, and how many more times were you going to allow him to keep breaking promises and standing you up?

8:00

He was two hours late now. The tears burned the back of your eyes when you realized he wasn’t going to show.

The server walked over to your table to ask if you were alright. Brushing the tear away from your cheek, you thanked them, left some money for the wine you had and apologized for wasting their time.

Your walk home in the crisp autumn air seemed to take forever, sirens sounded in the distance, and with each step you took, it felt like a punch in the stomach.

He promised you, swore to you that it was going to be different this time. He said you were everything to him. But he wasn’t treating you that way, he was treating you like you didn’t matter at all.

How could he do this to you…again? It was mortifying, people staring at you, it’s like they knew you were being stood up.

You felt like you were in a dream that kept repeating itself over and over again, a spotlight that followed you wherever you went, and lights flashing telling everyone that you were going home alone.

What would his excuse be this time? Actually, you didn’t care what his excuse was because you were done, it hurt too much to try and give him another chance. It made you angry also, did he know how much he was hurting you? Did he even care?

The dim light in your hallway shone overhead as you took out your keys, the tears in your eyes made it difficult to see the door lock but you managed to finally get it open. You hung up your jacket, dropped your keys into the bowl and now that you were finally alone, you broke down into sobs.

“How could you do this to me again, Matty? You promised me it would be better!” You shouted into the emptiness of your apartment, the echo bouncing off of the walls and the ball of rage boiling in the pit of your stomach.

You stripped off all of your jewelry, took out the pins in your hair, and placed it all on the coffee table. You couldn’t get all of it off fast enough, everything felt like it was suffocating you.

The shallow breaths in between sobs were painful, each one felt like you were being stabbed in the ribs. Maybe a hot shower would help you feel better.

The hot water pelted against your skin and the steam inside seemed to make it easier for you to catch your breath. The scent of your lavender body wash was soothing and eased your heart rate back down to normal with each inhale and exhale.

As you stepped out of the shower, the rumbling in your stomach was very pronounced. You wouldn’t be surprised if your neighbors heard it so you decided to make tea and eat some toast since you didn’t get to enjoy dinner tonight.

10:00

All cried out, you ended up falling asleep on your couch with only the light on the end table glowing dimly through your entire apartment.

A gentle autumn breeze drifted through a window that you don’t remember leaving open, the wind moved the stray hairs away from your nose, and you had the feeling that someone was watching you but you weren’t frightened.

As you sat up, you looked in the direction of the window and saw a figure dressed in all black, wearing a hood just covering his eyes. He must have turned the light off when he crawled through your window as to not be seen.

You’ve heard the stories, you knew who he was…the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen was standing in the middle of your living room.

“I know who you are so just tell me what you want because I’ve had a rough night and I just wanna go back to sleep.” You said to the Devil.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He said.

It was difficult to process, the words coming from the Devil’s lips sounded like Matt but how could that be? You’ve read about him in the newspaper, online, and heard rumors all throughout Hell’s Kitchen, there’s no way Matt could be the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

“Matty? Is that you?” You asked. “Why are you dressed like—?”

“It’s me, y/n. I am—the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.” He said hesitantly.

“Are you telling me you’re NOT blind?!!” You yelled.

Matt let out a little chuckle, it definitely was him. You knew that dimple anywhere.

“I’m going to tell you everything and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Suddenly it all made sense, the bruises, the cuts, sleeping all day, cancelled dates, and sporadic phone calls.

They all made sense as he laid everything out for you, explained it all but it didn’t really help your current state of anger or having your heart broken.

And it didn’t matter anymore, it didn’t matter that he explained everything to you, you were tired of being hurt, of being humiliated, and all because he felt like he couldn’t tell you the truth. He said he loved you and yet he kept this secret from you without any hesitation.

He had removed the covering over his eyes and after he was done talking, there was an awkward silence between the two of you and he smiled at you like everything was ok, but it wasn’t. It would never be ok.

“I don’t forgive you.” You said.

Matt had a confused look on his face. “But angel, I—I thought that—“

“Matty, I love you. I love you with my whole heart but I—I don’t forgive you. And I need you to leave.” You told him with a hitch in your voice and tears in your eyes.

“Sweetheart, please.” He begged.

“No, Matt—I need you to go…now.” You said, trying to sound in control.

Matt turned and walked towards the window. He paused, hoping that maybe you would stop him from leaving, but those words didn’t come.

“I love you.” He said before climbing out of the window and disappearing into the darkness.

As he moved from rooftop to rooftop, listening for anyone who might need help, his thoughts drifted to you. He heard it in your voice how angry you were, how hurt you were, and the way your pulse sped up every time you spoke.

The thought of being without you caused him pain, it distracted him, and he didn’t care how long it was going to take but he would get you back, he needed to get you back.

You were everything to him.

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[a-very-fond-farewell]

sit with me for a minute bc I was thinking back about this drama and now I can’t stop wishing for something better than what we got.

sure. at 22 I was more charmed by Kim Go Eun’s acting to notice the flaws, but now I am 30 and I am wondering.

what if. what if. we got... a family au of this instead?? I will call this:

Goblin The Retelling (read my notes first!)

(this is the story of the pictures above and how they came to be)

[spoilers for the actual drama under the cut]

what Kim Shin doesn’t suspect is that said Grim Reaper is hiding something: the little girl who should have died along with her mother from back then has survived her only parent’s demise years later.. and the Grim Reaper has taken her under his wing as per a mysterious old lady’s orders.

Ji Eun Tak is raised by the begrudging Grim Reaper, who teaches her how to navigate her powers as a medium. he wants to prepare her for the job as he still plans to be the one to take her to the Jade Emperor himself when her time will come. but he is confident she will make a great Grim Reaper one day and (since he doesn’t know how short her life will be exactly) he trains her by playing games with her and quizzing her on the afterlife paperwork system and legal procedures.

Ji Eun Tak is raised by the begrudging Grim Reaper, who teaches her how to navigate her powers as a medium. he wants to prepare her for the job as he still plans to be the one to take her to the Jade Emperor himself when her time will come. but he is confident she will make a great Grim Reaper one day and (since he doesn’t know how short her life will be exactly) he trains her by playing games with her and quizzing her on the afterlife paperwork system and legal procedures.

Kim Shin doesn’t know all of this, but he keeps spotting the little girl and her adoptive father in town. he wonders why the higher ups are allowing all this and is intrigued enough to openly bother father and daughter one day. annoyed, the Grim Reaper takes Ji Eun Tak away, without knowing she can see the sword. Kim Shin doesn’t know she can see it either though.

it takes a while for Ji Eun Tak to realize her new dad isn’t just prepping her for a cushy state job. and.. sure. he is not subtle. he pretends to be human in front of her teachers and classmates, fine. but he hovers around during her tests to make sure she gets all the answers right: he’s wearing The Hat, which she understands to be a magical item that makes him invisible to most people.. but the ghosts are pretty noisy about his presence when he wears that and she is trying to get a good grade on this quiz, please!

so for a while she just finds it annoying. she misses her mum but her new dad is kind of cool. they live in a tea shop nobody can see aside from people who really, really need to pee. her aunt stumbles her way in one day by accident (she really, really needed to pee apparently), but she doesn’t recognize Ji Eun Tak and nothing bad happens. her dad asks her if she prefers going to live with her actual family afterwards. he looks sad at the idea. that’s when she decides this is fine. she likes it here.

but That Man too can see her dad when The Hat is on, which is weird. she likes his sword too. hasn’t told her dad about the sword yet bc she doesn’t need to be even more weird than what she is already, no thank you. no doubt dad has a whole set of scrolls she would need to memorize on something similar if she dares mention it in front of him. she’s graduating from middle school now! she is too busy for that!

Kim Shin stops by the tea shop often and banters endlessly with Wang Yeo’s reincarnation. he confirms it is, in fact, the prince he had served in the past the one sitting in front of him drinking tea, but the Grim Reaper is none the wiser. one day he comments that a young lady like Ji Eun Tak should have her own room instead of sleeping on the ground and the Grim Reaper pales at the idea: it had never occurred to him that would be the case.

the day Ji Eun Tak has her first period is the day her dad actively starts looking for a proper home for the two of them. he is totally unprepared for this and he figures she might need privacy to, oh he doesn’t know what for, to feel her emotions in peace? to yell at God for making her suffer like so? to (*shudders*) paint her nails? he doesn’t know. he hasn’t been human in so long after all.

he finally finds a beautiful place, fit for him and his princess: the guy selling him the villa looks too young for comfort, barely 20 at most and not nearly as trustworthy as he should be, but these are desperate times and Ji Eun Tak is 16 already. he buys the house. he doesn’t know Kim Shin is the actual owner and that he never allowed for this to happen to begin with.

but they allow it. somehow. Ji Eun Tak finally has a room all for herself and room to breathe and a place to invite her friend Kim Yoo Na over, where they can talk about all sorts of things! they can study together! they can gossip! Ji Eun Tak likes this guy, you know, he plays baseball, Choi Tae Hee, and he’s so cool and handsome and... oh! oh but her friend Yoo Na is so cute too! what do?? bisexual crisis in sight, quick! ask your dad what to do!

terrified by the prospect of teaching his child how to function as a proper human (and knowing his own failed social skills), the Grim Reaper asks the Goblin to help him navigate the situation. Kim Shin, being the genius that he isn’t, suggests the Grim Reaper finds someone he likes and wants to woo before he can offer any sort of advice to Ji Eun Tak. sort of like “experience and knowledge are the best weapon” or smth equally idiotic like that.

of course the Grim Reaper falls for it. he completely misses the point that maybe, maybe, the Goblin was actually flirting with him. aka suggesting they dated. no. what this stupid man understands instead is that he has to find someone pretty enough to date, so that he can help Ji Eun Tak be a normal person. yes. yes that’s the way. he coincidentally falls for Ji Eun Tak’s boss (not knowing it’s her boss) at the fried chicken store, Sunny, and it takes him 2 years to find the courage to talk to her. yet, his autistic ass (I say this with the utmost respect as I wait for my own diagnosis to befall upon me and give me answers, don’t come for me) actually manages to bag such a bad bitch in the end.. after 2 whole years.

he reasons with himself by saying he wanted to give Ji Eun Tak a good example by waiting until she passed her uni entrance exam (she did. both her dad and the Goblin were cheering for her once she was done with that :> cute) before dating someone himself. and this Sunny is so nice too! she is so charming and she is charmed by his antics in turn. he doesn’t know she is ace yet, but he doesn’t exactly know how human sexualities work either so.. it’s all good.

if he thinks about it hard enough, she reminds him of someone: someone who talks informally to most people, who is self assured and classy, someone who can be very stressful to deal with due to his mood swings and... oh fuck. this Grim Reaper doesn’t want to think about it. no sir. he doesn’t need this amount of stress in his life. so he focuses on Sunny, but he never allows her to touch him. he never even dared to give a hug to Ji Eun Tak ever since taking her in after all. it would be too presumptuous of him to let a human touch him and for him risk seeing their past life without their knowledge or consent.

(side note: Ji Eun Tak never got a hug from her papa ;-; how sad is that??)

(anyway. back to the plot)

Kim Shin is furious. he makes raining every day. Ji Eun Tak cannot dry her hair without it turning frizzy. Kim Shin doesn’t know why he is so angry. it’s not like he has been lonely all these centuries looking for his demise and... what? a Grim Reaper now ghosts him, really? for a woman? for a human woman? he is so offended now. he spends all his time nagging Ji Eun Tak (like in canon, but more fatherly-like), thinking that if the child likes him best, Wang Yeo will eventually pick him instead of that other woman, right? he is so right they should give him a prize for it. he buys a ton of shit on g-market, Ji Eun Tak gets spoiled rotten, he is winning her over. he wants to fight everyone under the sun. he cries dramatically. he doesn’t know how to stop.

until one day even Ji Eun Tak has had enough of it. isn’t it nice that her dad is having fun? (she doesn’t know her dad is dating her boss at the part-time job tho, she will have A Talk with him about it once she finds out for sure) why is Kim Shin so against it? they have been living under the same roof for 3 years. Ji Eun Tak has gone on dates already! (her dad is so late to the game, Eun Tak is basically two-timing both her crushes with their full consent, they are planning to go all to the same college to make the commute easier. she is on top of her game. her dad is not attuned to how fast humans’ timing can be) Kim Shin should find someone for himself too!

that’s when Kim Shin starts bawling his eyes out and Ji Eun Tak hugs him. this is when she decides this is her second dad now. but she touches the sword by doing so, causing a lot of pain to Kim Shin. a lot of things happen at once: 1) Kim Shin pushes her away and lightly injures her; 2) Ji Eun Tak realizes the sword is causing pain to her new dad and she makes up her mind about taking it out as swiftly as possible; 3) Kim Shin still doesn’t know what any of this means and decides to run away to the mountains.

Sir Grim Reaper is beyond himself with worry as soon as Ji Eun Tak tells him what happened. she still doesn’t mention the sword, bc she figured it’s a sore topic for the Goblin and doesn’t want to spill his secrets in case her dad cannot see the sword. but her dad is sure going to look for that sad excuse of a god and drag his sorry ass back home. that’s when the realizations about The Big Unnamed Feeling start piling up, until there’s a big emotional scene at the skiing resort with Kim Shin being the one hiding while the Grim Reaper goes looking for him.

they don’t.. say it out loud, per se, but they come to an agreement: no more running. they go back home and Kim Shin feels sooo guilty for hurting Ji Eun Tak: he buys her everything. absolutely everything. he pays for her tuition. he will make sure she has everything she wants for the rest of her life. he still doesn’t tell her what being able to touch the sword entails though.. he cannot bring himself to. the idea of losing his newfound happiness is too much.

Sunny looks for her boyfriend however, understandably so. but once she comes to their home and sees he is her part-time worker’s dad.. she decides this is not right. they have an actual conversation and agree that, despite liking one another well enough, this cannot work on the long run. moreover, Sunny feels vaguely threatened by the mysterious man throwing daggers at her with his gaze from the corner of the kitchen counter. he hasn’t moved from there in two hours. he hasn’t given them any privacy. he doesn’t even blink. so annoying. he also talks informally to her! the galls of this man!

Kim Shin realizes quite easily Sunny is his sister’s reincarnation. he misses her, and somehow feels guilty for wanting to steal her man. but he has a lot on his plate already as things are, no need to make himself feel even more miserable. plus, Wang Yeo has not.. technically agreed to date him quite yet. sure, he is free now.. but for how long? he is such a clueless man, he will try to “gain more experience to teach his child how it’s done” or some nonsense like that soon, who put that idea in his mind anyway?? Kim Shin has to step up the wooing game. and he has to do it FAST.

it doesn’t work. oh, the Grim Reaper notices something is UP, he just thinks the Goblin has properly gone insane. he is wielding his sword asking him to duel in a weird, mating-like dance of sorts and the Grim Reaper doesn’t know what any of that means. maybe he is lonely. he asks Ji Eun Tak what to do. she rolls her eyes at him and goes back to text her boyfriend and girlfriend (the ones her two dads know nothing about yet) quite happy to ignore his struggles.

at loss, the Grim Reaper suggests Kim Shin and him do.. something together. to pass the time while Ji Eun Tak gets ready for uni (empty nest syndrome, anyone??). they look for a camera for her to make memories with and they both wonder if their images will make it through. Kim Shin has faked his identity for centuries now and he knows how these things work, so he is confident he will show up in pictures.. but the Grim Reaper is not so sure about himself. last time they bought phones together he did show up in face-calls, but a proper picture? doubtful.

Kim Shin proves him wrong by snapping a series of pictures, just to show how right he is. but this makes Wang Yeo even more sad for some reason! why is that! what did he do now?? oh no, he is crying. it’s all Kim Shin’s fault alright? why are you crying??

turns out the Grim Reaper is crying bc he never took a picture with Ji Eun Tak. he never took a picture with her when she was small, never took one with her on her middle school graduation day even, nor on the first day of high school. he has lost so much of her time already. and he never hugged her. and she will be gone soon. to uni. to work. to marry. to die. and.. sure, he will probably see her after that too, he trained her all her life for that sole purpose. but what if she doesn’t want to be like him? he doubts she’ll ever commit a crime so heinous to make her turn into a Grim Reaper herself, so she surely will go to heaven and he will lose her forever.

Kim Shin promises him they will make every second count. he tells him this is just Ji Eun Tak’s first life and that she is probably one of those poor souls fated to be plaugued by grief each and every reincarnation: she will need a family in the next one too. Wang Yeo is still unsure about it, but he agrees to wait it out.

they start small. they gift the camera to Ji Eun Tak and she insists to take a picture with both of them. she has never been so close to her dad! this is great! she is so happy she could die right there and then! her papa is more wary about this, but as he allows her to touch him to get in frame.. he realizes the Goblin was right: he cannot see Ji Eun Tak’s past life, so that means this is only her first one. he glances over at Kim Shin and decides to trust him with this, with this family of theirs for all of his daughter’s lifetimes.

more things are left unsolved. the Goblin doesn’t reveal the purpose of the sword despite the pain, which is cause of friction between the two men and it will cause some troubles as they progress in their relationship. Ji Eun Tak avoids the subject of the sword with both of them, but still plans to take it off (not knowing what it actually means). Sunny and Wang Yeo regain some of their memories but decide to share a comfortable friendship despite their common regrets about their past life together. Ji Eun Tak is still followed by death at every turn and her dads will struggle to keep her safe.

but for the time being, for the time it takes for them to smile brightly at the camera, none of that matters.

only the three of them do.

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Beyoncé

In the words of Wendy Williams, “she can’t read she’s got a six grade, I’m glad we’re going to use my kitchen TV because it’s got closed captions so I’ll be able to understand everything she saying”., Did you know that Beyoncé can’t read?. no Beyoncé talks like a sixth grader, that’s Wendy not me, but I kinda get what she’s saying. Back then Beyoncé spoke like that., very childlike could be however mercury, Mercury sign, that can sometimes the time and what your voice is going to sound like in astrology.

But what I love about all these pictures here, that Beyoncé can’t save her life around Kim Kardashian. now let’s add that to the end and take it out again and that’s their whole friendship, Kim likes to think that they are friends. I naive Libra Arse can’t see that they’re not. If you look at all these pictures she’s even getting annoyed at north. I know the camera can’t catch you. It really awkward but moments but you can also catch it in the truth. Some fashion show really shouldn’t and Beyoncé has got a completely different view., kids are at home with the nanny of course. Well Beyoncé, sees her PR team. Taking the pictures of her with the baby.

Beyoncé knows how to do pr, but this is the wrong time, her PR is like not making me talk in an interview but also making me look good, Kim’s PR is making me look like a good parent by walking down the street and taking, or anything else for that matter these guys will do anything a good PR, everyone else look bad, I MEAN PRINCE EVEN GOT SICK OF HER ARSE, HE CALLED HER UP ON THE STAGE . And then he’s like bitch get off the stage .

Now that was probably a stunt too , although with Prince I wouldn’t be surprised , he is a Scorpio rising after , also a Gemini sun man , he didn’t like the Kardashians, but Kim was everything he wanted in a girl, a little bit dumb, dark, dark features, natural stunning body, I know ha ha ha, but looking natural to some degree.

Look at this post was meant to be about Beyoncé and I’ve gone into Kim Kardashian, but Kim annoyed a lot of celebrities along with her family. Especially that woman .. she often brings up on keeping up with the Kardashians and the Kardashians on Disney. and being at Beyoncé’s parties come on you’re making yourself look silly. Can you imagine that if had been born in the mid 70s so just five years back? She would’ve been a prince girl I don’t know if she grew up quite privileged so who knows . Now what are my reasons for Beyoncé not liking her. look at the pictures at first and you can see how far she can’t act as the captions say. 

Kind of like a Carmen Electra, but Carmen had the, street smarts, the edge that, prince was want to of said to her don’t ever, dye hair 👱🏽‍♀️. If that Carmen needs to really be in this slide, specially I’ve had prince, and then she got with Dennis Rodman, and Dave Navarro two very different but very similar men. Different on the fact that of their personalities maybe and what they do., same because they both like girly things, can be quite feminine. Kind like Prince.

When the elevator situation happened with Beyoncé, Solange and Jay-Z, Beyoncé couldn’t hide her face and that, or actually she did pretty well she smirk 😏 . A lot like Solange can hide her face either while sat next to one of the Kardashians it looks like here. and she sure couldn’t eat here either., that was iconic at 2014 moment. And the Solange, love you for that.

Here is the terrible acting, PR nightmares, PR winners, being a Kardashian and being a superstore

[gunilslaugh]

Hello, can i request Xdinary Heroes' reaction to receiving a bouquet of flowers from you? It doesn't have to be a special occasion. Thank you and have a great day 😊

I hope you have a great day too!

All members ∆_∆

Summary: Xdinary Heroes reaction to you sending them flowers.

WC:~1.2k

Warning:grammar

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil walks into the studio and sees a bouquet of flowers sitting prettily on the desk. He walks over to the desk and picks up the bouquet slightly confused, wondering where they came from. He finds the card placed in between some flowers. Looking over the card it simply read, “To: Gunil” on the first line and “From: Y/n” on the second. Gunil’s heart melts. He smiles, bringing the flowers to his nose to smell them. He carefully places them on the desk where he can see them while he works. Then a wave of panic struck him. Why did you send him flowers? Was he forgetting something? It wasn’t some type of anniversary was it? Suddenly his phone went off with a text from you. “Did you get them?!” it read. “Yes, thank you love ❤️” he took a photo of him with the bouquet and attached the photo to his text. Hesitantly he added “...I’m not forgetting something right?”. A weight is lifted from his shoulder once you replied with “No, I just wanted to send you flowers because I love you 💞” . Now he can just stare at the flowers all giddy. 

Jungsu

Jungsu was in the middle of having his lunch when a person holding a bouquet of flowers approached him.

“You're Kim Jungsu right?” They asked him.

“Yes, I am,” he answered confused. 

“These are for you,” the person handed him the flowers then went on their way. Jungsu admired the flowers. They were pretty. He spotted the card and quickly plucked it between his fingers to read it. “To my pretty boy :) ~Y/n”. Jungsu can’t contain the small laugh from escaping him nor the smile that stretches across his face. What did he ever do to deserve you? He thinks. He takes a picture of the bouquet and sends it to you with the caption: “Thank you for the flowers my pretty girl :)”. His phone quickly got the notification of your reply. “You’re welcome <3. Don’t work too late”. Jungsu feels like he is the luckiest man. You’re always so considerate of him. “I won’t” he responded to your previous text. Jungsu spends the next fifteen minutes coming up with a bouquet of flowers that he can surprise you with, because his pretty girl deserves flowers too.

Gaon/Jiseok

Jiseok came home to your shared apartment from practice. He called out for you only to get no response. He discovered that you weren’t home, instead he found a bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on the kitchen table with a note. First Jiseok picked up the note to read it. “All these flowers, but you’re the prettiest one. ~Y/n. P.S I’ll be home a bit later today.” Jiseok laughed at your cheesiness, but he wouldn’t deny that he was the prettiest flower. Jiseok set the note down on the table. He sniffed the flowers, basking in their fresh floral scent. He gently ran some petals underneath his finger tips. Jiseok couldn’t wait for you to arrive home, so that he could squish you in the most loving hug. In the meantime he took a picture with the flowers in the background. He sent it to you with the following text. “You’re right the flowers are pretty, but I am the prettiest one.” Once you arrived home you were indeed squished in a very loving hug from Jiseok as he thanked you for the flowers.

O.de/Seungmin

Seungmin had just returned from his lunch to find a bouquet of flowers now sitting in front of his laptop. He knows that they weren’t there before he left. He walks over to the flowers and picks them up. He quickly finds the notecard attached to them and reads it. “Don’t work too hard. Remember to take time and smell the roses. ~Y/n” Seungmin smiles. Yesterday he was telling you about how he was stressing over a song not turning out the way that he wanted it to. You always know how to help him feel better. Seungmin took a picture of the bouquet and sent it to you. He sent a follow up text saying “ I definitely won’t miss the time to smell these roses thank you! I love you ❤”. Your response was a simple “You’re welcome :) I love you too 💘”, but it still made Seungmin’s heart fill with warmth. Throughout the rest of the day Seungmin would stop what he was doing to admire your flowers. Everytime he looked at them he felt loved and whatever was stressing him out would melt away. 

Junhan/Hyeongjun

“Hyeongjun!” An employee called out for him as he walked by the front desk. 

“Yes?” He approached the desk.

“These were dropped off for you,” they stated, handing over a bouquet of flowers to him.

“Thank you,” he thanked them, taking the flowers. Hyeongjun takes time to look at the flowers properly once he’s in the practice room. He found the attached note and turned it over to read the writing on it. “For my Hyeongjunie ~Y/n '' the note read. Hyeongjun’s cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. You somehow kept managing to surprise him with different ways of showing love. He delicately placed the flowers down beside the guitar case. He took out his phone to send you a message. “Thank you for the flowers. They are really pretty” he sent you. You were quick to reply back to him. “You’re welcome. I’m glad that you like them. I wanted to do something special for you,”. A gleeful smile painted Hyeongjun’s face as he read your text. You sending him flowers was indeed very special, something Hyeongjun will never forget.

Jooyeon

Jooyeon arrived home during the evening time after a long day out at schedules.

“Y/n I’m back,” he calls out only to be greeted with silence. It’s odd you’re usually always home by the time Jooyeon gets back. He finds a bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter. Naturally he’s curious about them, so he walks over to where they’re sitting and picks them up. A card fell from the flowers catching Jooyeon’s attention. He picks it up and instantly recognizes your handwriting. “Flowers for my pretty flower :p ~Y/n”. Jooyeon lets out a chuckle. Jooyeon admires the flowers, letting out a small “pretty”.

“I’m glad you like them,” you popped up from the other side of the counter, successfully scaring the living daylights out of Jooyeon. 

“Ah! Don’t do that!” He yells, placing one hand over his heart, trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you that much. I just wanted to see your reaction to the flowers,” you tell him, walking over to embrace him in a hug. Jooyeon hugs you back.

“Thank you for the flowers, but seriously don’t scare me like that again,” he scolds, you laugh.

[nihyunluvskookie]

shēngrì kuàilè wǒ dí àirén

“Mingyu one shot”

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x female reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: no mentions since it's a fluff

Word count: 1.6K

Author’s Note: Happy Birthday best person to ever exist!! @aestheticfangirl Sending you love and hugs, although I wish I was there to wish you face to face, and I tried writing something different so I hope you’ll like this, and telling just in case you get confused, I used Mandarin, because they speak Cantonese or Mandarin in Taiwan and shēngrì kuàilè wǒ dí àirén means happy birthday my love

happy reading <3 ily sm 💗

I looked at the date and I sighed, it counted my first month here in Taiwan. I looked at my phone, I wonder what he is doing right now, I missed him. It’s been a month since I last saw him and it’s been three days since I heard his voice. I was a bit busy with assignments and he was busy with his work.

I wonder if he’s taking care of himself or not. I shut down my Mac and went to bed, holding my phone; it’s like I missed a bit more today even though I don’t know why. For the last month, it took me a bit of time to settle down here, and since it was the first time for me to study out of the country. I made few friends, but there was always a lingering feeling which I don’t understand. Being in a long-distance relationship now, I remember crying when I first came because I missed him, his warmth which always made me feel home. Coming back to his arms, after a tired day was the best feeling ever but I can’t even do that. And coming here and getting busy with my papers and thesis, I don’t even get proper time to do anything else, it’s like a commitment I have with my Ph.D. degree, I have to do well no matter what but I was failing in time management.

The urge to call him and hear his voice was strong but then I looked at the time, it’s already past midnight here; so it was almost past 1 am there, I kept my phone on the nightstand and lay on my bed.

I tried to close my eyes and started thinking about him. I remember how excited I was when I told him I got accepted into National Taiwan University and I’ll be doing my Ph.D there, both of us were happy until that night I heard him telling Wonwoo, that I’ll be leaving soon.

‘I’m gonna miss her so much, what do I do’ I went to him and hugged him tight from back. I didn’t want to show the acceptance letter as soon as I got, because I needed some time to think about it and decide how to break this news to him because although I was excited but I was sad that he won’t be with me these years by my side.

‘Mingyu…’

‘I’ll call you later hyung’ and he turned to look at me, ‘Aki’ and he kissed my forehead

I hugged him tight, hearing his heartbeat as if it was the music for my heart. ‘I will miss you so much, but I am so proud of you. You always make me proud for who you are’

‘Mingyu… I’ll be back soon’ I lifted my face to look at him, the moonlight falling on his face and making him look breathtaking. ‘This is going to be tough but we can do this’ he nodded and cupped my face and gave me the softest kiss ever.

Tears started falling and I realized I was crying, I missed him so much right now. Wish he was here tonight, just to hold me and give me the warmth I needed. Another memory flooded in when I started thinking about ‘us’

‘Aki look here’ and I turned around just to see him holding his camera, ‘did you click pictures?’

‘Yes, I clicked pictures of my pretty girlfriend, who looks lovely in this yellow summer dress.’

‘Mingyu…’ and when I started taking steps towards him, he started taking his steps back; it was enough for me to understand that he was going to run and I have to catch him. the smile he had on his face at that time, no one could understand how much peace it gave to me, how much I wanted to treasure his smile at that time, even pictures can’t do justice to that smile.

I missed him so much, he didn’t even text me goodnight tonight, I wonder how his day was today because today we hardly exchanged two texts not more than that. Wish I could go and check on him, whenever I am busy or he is busy we just meet each other or wait for each other after making dinner.

Thinking about dinner, how much I miss watching him cook dinner for us sometimes.

At times, I hate staying awake past midnight because of these overwhelming thoughts I get about him. past one month was difficult for me, he was checking up on me, almost every day but I couldn’t tell him everything in details because he might get worried, that’s why I tried to make him believe and understand that I am doing well, but how can I be totally okay when sometimes I just wish him to be here and miss him so much that at times I end up crying.

My tears were making my pillow wet. I tried wiping my tears but how do I stop them now?

I was about to get up and switch off the lights, so that I could try to sleep but as soon as I got up from my bed, I heard my door bell ring. I looked at the wall clock, it was already 1 am and why would someone be here ringing my door bell at this time. I wiped my face first, trying to look normal, I looked at the mirror once before walking towards the door. I was hesitating to open the door but knowing this was the safest neighborhood and full of students, I was still unsure then the bell rang for the second time.

I took a deep breath and said “shuí zài nàér?” (who’s there?) while opening my apartment door, and the moment I looked at the person, I gasped hard. Because I couldn’t believe, “Happy Birthday my love” I felt like I was hallucinating right now, “shēngrì kuàilè wǒ dí àirén” (happy birthday my love)

I hugged him tight although his two hands were full, I couldn’t believe anything, “Mingyu” it felt forever since I called him, and my tears started falling, “I'm here now” I didn’t say anything anymore. I let go of him after calming myself down, he looked at me, and his eyes told me everything. I smiled at him and wiped my tears.

“Let’s go inside, sorry to keep you here for so long” and held his hand; I closed the door behind us, and the moment I turned around Mingyu’s lips met mine,  I was surprised by this act.

His hand went to my cheeks and other hand went to my waist, he pulled me closer and I could feel the longing in the kiss. “I missed you so much” he said in between kisses and started caressing my cheeks. “I couldn’t wait to surprise you on your birthday” I got emotional and was about to cry and saw him pulling back from the kiss. He cupped my face, “were you crying?” his thumbs were on my face, telling me to calm and it’s okay. I nodded slowly.

I was about to speak but he kissed me again, this time he kissed me until we were out of breath.

“I’m here now and once again happy birthday” he said and kissed my forehead.

I smiled looking at him, I was missing him so much that I didn’t even remember that it was already midnight and it was my birthday.

“Now, come make a wish and let's celebrate your birthday” he held my hand and pulled me towards him, and he gave me the bouquet which was on the couch now. “This is for you, my flower.”

I hugged him tight, not wanting to let go of him, “Let me show you the cake atleast!” I laughed a little, it was the true laugh I let out since past one month. We were standing near the table, and he opened the package and showed me the cake, he also lit the candles.

“Now make a wish”

‘I want to be yours forever’ I said in my mind and blew out the candles. “Thank you so much Mingyu” Before I could say anything else, it hit me, that he was here sitting beside me.

“BUT WHEN DID YOU COME?”

“We can talk about it later love” he kissed me again, “I missed kissing you” and he kissed me again, my hands went to his shoulder automatically, feeling him against my body. Our forehead touched after we were out of breath, “You have no idea how much I missed you, although it was one month but felt like years to me, wish I could tell you how much this distance was killing me. wish you were somewhere near and I could just drive to you and see you whenever I missed you.” his breaths were hitting my face, I felt alive again, felt like I got my reason to smile again.

He took a step back, and I looked at him, taking something out from his pocket. It was a red velvet box, I was looking at him the whole time and then he opened the box, it was a pendant.

“Your birthday gift”

“Mingyu….” I hugged him so tight; I couldn’t help it. This whole surprise was making me so weak, him flying all over to Taipei to meet me and celebrate my birthday was already overwhelming and now giving me the pendant, which was his birth flower, Adonis.

“Stay here and complete your studies because after that I’m not letting you go alone anywhere I’ll go wherever you go”

“I love you” I lifted my head to look at him and smiled, "I love you too" and kissed me.

It was the best birthday ever.