#and hopefully I’ll feel sane again :(

[6ebe]

Wait why do I have my worst most evil exam on the first day of pride month

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

Ok thoughts 👏thoughts👏Everyone gather around I have thoughts about this!

Episode 2 was clearly the Pomni episode. We got to see her character get a little more fleshed out and we also got a glimpse of what motivates her which is great.

With this tweet we have solid confirmation on who the upcoming episodes will center on (thanks for not making us guess, Goose) and this lineup is really interesting.

First fascinating thing is that Kinger and Zooble share a spotlight in ep 3. Why is that? Everyone else gets their own dedicated episodes so why are they unique in that regard? What connects them?

Well, I have one idea!

So we know since the pilot that Kinger has been the one to have lived in the Circus the longest out of all of them. We’re still not sure if he was in fact the 1st human to be trapped (maybe we’ll find out in the next episode) but he definitely has the most seniority, both in age and in length of entrapment.

We also know that Zooble was the most recent character to get stuck before Pomni (and considering their attitude, it may have even been quite a while beforehand) AND is the youngest character next to Jax (they even share the same age, which could be a coincidence but it feels too deliberate of a choice).

Which means ep 2 will simultaneously focus on the oldest and the youngest of the characters.

I’m actually curious as to what their dynamic will be because they haven’t really interacted much in the pilot (and like not at all in episode 2), if they end up interacting in ep 3 at all. But mostly I’m excited to see them more fleshed out with hopefully Pomni getting the chance to bond with them (either together or separately).

My guess is that the purpose for them to share focus on an episode is to get perspective from someone who’s been there the longest and has seen more people come and go than anyone else vs. someone who was just recently in Pomni’s shoes and had probably a much different first day experience (we know Zooble cared enough about Kaufmo to personally organize his funeral so they may have some…feelings about who’s essentially his replacement).

Ep3 is also supposedly Gooseworx’s most anticipated episode so I’m extra excited.

Next we have Gangle for episode 4. I honestly don’t have a lot to say about her or the significance in her episode placement outside of her being the closest in age to Pomni (being only a year older). The only hint we get about what her episode will possibly consist of will be on how reliant she is on her ComedyMask to feel happy, which will be very interesting and we might even get some confirmation on whether her avatar was programmed with that feature upon entering the Circus or if it was an add on of sorts by Caine to help keep her sane. A pretty shitty feature if it can’t last for very long but it does make for a nice metaphor about how fragile her facade is (girl is literally masking).

Actually I don’t think her and Pomni have actually exchanged words yet in the show. Wouldn’t it be funny if they don’t up until her episode. Like Pomni is so caught up in between whatever mess episode 3 has in store for Kinger and Zooble that the two of them never actually talk and it just keeps getting more awkward. Gangle wants to talk to her but is so self-conscious about her Tragedy self that she’ll only feel safe to have a conversation if she has her mask, but it just keeps breaking before she even gets the chance.

Again this is all just speculation, if they actually end up talking in episode 3 I’ll…make ship art of them.

Yeah

Anyway, episode 5. The one I’m personally waiting for because y’all should know what I’m about by now.

*Warning: Unhinged, borderline psychotic tangent incoming*

I swear to god if Pomni and Ragatha don’t have a fucking conversation before ep 5 I will launch myself into the sun. I’ll take anything, I just need them to get real for a second. I NEED to know the extent of this woman’s damage. It has to be explored, analyzed, and dissected and I will do so with gusto when the day comes. None of these characters will be safe from my scrutiny, but Ragatha oh ho ho, you have been living rent free in my head for too long, madame. You WILL pay your dues and I intend to collect in every episode until there is not corner of your unsound mind that I have not examined in great detail!

Ahem *Straightens tie* Ok back to business

So yeah, Ragatha.

It may be because we’ve only had 2 episodes but I can’t help but feel like we’re supposed to see Ragatha as a sort of deuteragonist since out of all of the supporting characters she’s so far been getting the most focus aside from Jax, and we’ll get to him in a minute (I promise that’s not just me being biased, or maybe it is, I don’t know, you tell me).

In just two episodes we’ve seen more of what makes her tick compared to anyone else. And of the main cast she’s been the ONLY one to make any kind of connection to the main character and have enough of a meaningful interaction with her to leave an impression.

But this is what really clinched her role as a deuteragonist for me, she’s so far been one of the few to have the narrative briefly shift to her perspective to give us significant character moments like these:

The show REALLY wants us to see just how NOT ok she is.

If she’s meant to be the heart of the group, her heart already can’t take much more damage. Her friendship (if you can call it that, it’s so painfully one sided right now) with Pomni clearly means a lot to her, so much so that her entire sense of self worth seems to be tied to it (and if you’ve been paying attention, she doesn’t have a lot of that as it is). It would be nice to see their connection gradually grow before her designated episode, where she might experience actual growth for herself.

And if episode 2 is any indication of how this show preserves friendships well…

Yeah, I don’t think she’s gonna make it.

In fact, I’m willing to bet actual money that she’s either gonna abstract in episode 5 or episode 6.

Which brings us to Jax’s episode! The other deuteragonist…tritagonist? He definitely shares some degree of significant narrative focus along with Pomni and Ragatha. He’s both an active antagonist force and one of the only characters to drive the plot forward every time he’s on screen (then there’s that weird thing where he keeps breaking the fourth wall).

He has so much significance in the story that Gooseworx gave him his own bullet point in her list of content warnings (this could also be a joke, but I mean it would be funny to see just how despicable they can make this character).

Gooseworx also described Jax and Pomni’s relationship in the show as “messy”. After episode 2, I don’t think she considers him as a candidate for any kind friendship like she did for the others, and who could blame her? In just two days the guy abandoned her to deal with an abstraction and chucked her out of a truck. He’s no one’s favorite person, and he relishes that. Bunnyboy definitely has some issues that Pomni would pick up on the more she’s forced to spend time with him. To the point where I can see her trying to eventually form some kind of bridge because, as her previously established character motivation implies, she’s not the kind of person to intentionally leave anyone high and dry. But unlike the rest of the crew, I don’t think Jax would be inclined to change for the better just because someone took pity on him. He seems like the kinda guy to dig his heels in and commit to his bad behavior out of spite.

And for his episode to come after Ragatha’s, why do I get the feeling the reason Gooseworx went so far as to preemptively apologize to bunnydoll shippers specifically is because he’s gonna cause something really really bad to happen to her (could be abstraction, could even be something much worse) that he would come to sorely regret.

And oh boy would that evoke some feelings in everyone!

I feel like if that is indeed the direction this show is going, the rest of the episodes will really be something.

I’m also certain Caine will get his own episode but right now he is very much an antagonist to these characters. I wouldn’t go so far as to call him a villain, but he’s certainly not someone Pomni is keen on sympathizing with, at least not currently.

Thanks again @lilyclawthorne for helpfully providing me with the tweet so I can give some context for my ramblings of the week!

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 27

ao3 link| part 1, part 24, part 25, prev part

A week goes by and Eddie’s able to stand for almost a minute. Legs trembling after thirty seconds and knuckles white as they grip the walker the nurse brings in. But he does it. Sits back down with a teary smile as everything starts to feel like him again. Fighting through the new pain of his muscles stretching to their full capacity again, trying to revel in the fact that he’s getting better.

He's still limited to what he can do. His muscles are slowly gaining back their strength, and his joints vary in their stiffness between the days. Physical therapy is going to start soon. Hopefully to help with the tenseness of his muscles. And maybe the numbing and the nerve pain.

The true health of Eddie’s nerves is still undetermined. The doctors say they had to do some reconstruction during the many surgeries Eddie went through when he first came in. Supposably, it went well. Supposably, Eddie should regain full motion of his limbs. But reality, is that they won’t know until Eddie’s muscle mass comes back.

Until they can’t blame the lack of motion on muscle atrophy.

Wayne knows it’s coming. Can feel the diagnosis in his bones. He knows that there will be a day that Eddie picks up a guitar again, and can’t do it the he used to do. Can’t play the solos of his favorite songs, unable to move his fingers fast enough. Might get so frustrated in it that he gives it up entirely. Permanently lose the one thing he’s loved all his life.

The house won’t rattle with practices that go well past midnight. And he’ll never come home from Garreth’s garage with the excited energy again. The one where it buzzes off of him and onto Wayne. Joy permeating his soul just seeing his boy so passionate about something.

Eddie’s going to lose a part of himself, and Wayne doesn’t have the heart to witness it.

“Henderson,” Eddie excitedly yells when Dustin and Steve walk through the door. “Look at this.”

Eddie pulls the walker closer and gets his legs beneath him. Pulls himself to a standing position just like he did a few hours ago.

Wayne sees the way Steve’s arm twitches out when Eddie does. How his feet move an inch closer. Ready to rush forward at any moment. To catch Eddie if he falls. Rigid concern mapping his face. Falling to a relieved smile when Eddie sits back down on the bed.

Dustin shares the same concern, before he starts to smile. “Woah. What was that? Like a minute?”

“I know right,” Eddie exclaims, proud of himself. “Yesterday I could only stand for thirty seconds, next time you see me I’ll be able to walk without this thing,” he reaches out and shakes the walker. “I’d bet on it right now.”

Wayne wouldn’t. Neither would Eddie really. But this false optimism, this high hope, its what’s keeping him sane in all this. Keeping him in the light at the end of the tunnel.

Dustin finally settles himself. Starting the long explanations of how his day went. Trying to keep Eddie in the loop while he’s stuck here. Limited to his knowledge of what goes on outside these walls.

All while Steve stands tense, leaning against the doorway. Arms crossed and fingers anxiously tapping on his elbow. Staring at Eddie like he’s cracking right in front of them. Breaking and unable to stop it.

Wayne subtly asks him if he wants to pull up a chair. Really trying to not have weight behind his words. But Steve notices that he’s picked up something off. That something is weighing heavy on Steve’s mind.

Steve refuses, as nonchalant as someone can through gritted teeth. Dustin looks up, and asks if everything’s alright. If he needs to go home and take his meds. Steve lies to him and tells him that he’s fine.

The afternoon passes by, and Steve continues to stand there like a bodyguard. Ready for the defenses. Until he checks his watch and tells Dustin it’s time to go. When the stiff line if his stature softens just slightly. Enough for a show.

“Here,” Steve hands Dustin a few quarters. “Go get something from the vending machines, I’ll meet up with you in a second.”

The tenseness returns as soon as Steve shuts the door after making sure Dustin was walking down the hall.

He turns toward Eddie, crossing his arms again. “You’re getting better?”

The statement is still laced with question. As if he’s confirming before saying anything. For what reason, Wayne doesn’t know.

Eddie looks at him confused. “Well, yeah. That’s what I was showing you before.”

He starts to fidget, sensing the tenseness in Steve’s voice.

“But you’re feeling better. More like yourself again?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says with a long question. “Steve, what’s up?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” Steve spits. Fast and cruel.

Wayne wants to stand and push him out of the room. Eddie doesn’t need whatever this is. Doesn’t need whatever taunts will fly out of Harrington’s mouth. Insults or sneers. He had hoped that Harrington was beyond all those tricks.

But before he can even open his mouth, Eddie bites back. Not so defenseless anymore.

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t follow the plan. As soon as things got bad, you were supposed to get Dustin and yourself out of there. Not just Dustin.”

Eddie snarls. “Whatever, I get it Harrington.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Steve says it all with a point that would go right through Eddie’s chest if he were close enough.

Wayne’s convinced they forgot he was even there.

“I told you not to be cute. I told you not to be the hero. We didn’t need that. We had enough close calls already, we didn’t need another one. We didn’t need you to-.”

“To what, play the hero. Cause that’s your job, isn’t it? King Steve Harrington, strong man. Waltzes into danger without a second thought to come out the hero on top. Can’t deal with the fact that someone else is capable of it.”

Pain leeches to Steve’s expression. “That’s not it at all.”

“Sure it isn’t.” Eddie’s volume keeps rising in intensity. “You weren’t there, Steve. You couldn’t make the call, so I did. Not my problem you can’t deal with someone else being the hero.”

“I can’t deal with losing anyone else to this goddamn town,” Steve yells. Shocking Eddie silent.

Steve’s demeanor falls from its anger. Into a place of fear and a sorrow Wayne can’t quite place. His eyes pleading for Eddie to understand the words he can’t say.

He turns to the door and rips it open.

“Steve, wait,” Eddie calls out softly, trying to get Steve to turn back around.

But it's too late. The door clicks shut as Steve leaves.

tag list (capping at 100, only 4 spots left): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,

@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,

@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,

@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,

@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,

@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,

@devondespresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,

@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,

@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,

@papergrenade, @waelkyring, @sweetheartprincess28, @katouasobj, @astercomoasflores

[k1utzymitry]

rises the moon ₊˚⊹☆

chpt. 2: sun digs it’s heels to taunt you

<prev———next>

series mlist

choso x roommate!reader

you’re finally getting to know your roommate both of your feelings intensify every second you spend around him

wc: 3.3k

cw: language

as the bright summer skies start to darken, the trees outside start to change from a lively green to a mix of reds, oranges and yellows, and when the breeze starts to cool down you realize the school year is closer than expected and summer is coming to an end. you weren’t super excited to start school again. you’d much rather sleep in all day and stay up all night, but everything has to come to an end. it’s back to the normal routine that had you stressing and ripping your hair out. hopefully, the second year of college won’t be as tourtoreous as the first. Hopefully, your professors don’t overload your schedule with assignments, essays, and reports. you genuinely don’t know if you would be able to take it anymore if this year is just as bad as the last. but at least you aren’t alone this year. this year you have a roommate to keep you sane. though the two of you had just met you feel this sort of connection between you two. you feel like you’ve known him your entire life. you feel like if you spilled all your deepest secrets to him he would take it to his grave and never ever tell a soul. you felt this sort of instant comfort with him, maybe it’s because of his nervousness? maybe it’s because he looks like he couldn’t even lay a finger on a fly? maybe it’s because he’s insanely attra-

oh- he’s so attractive. maybe that’s why thoughts of him plague your mind and take over your brain. you’ve only known him a week and he’s taken over every thought in your brain. he’s so intoxicating. maybe it was his face, or maybe it was the way he was so soft spoken? maybe it was the way he looked so focused while he worked and played his guitar? maybe it was all of those things, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. you felt this sort of foreign connection with him that you couldn’t find anywhere else. every time you think about him you find it incredibly hard to stop. to be honest you think it’s quite embarrassing that you could fall in love with someone you hardly know. you don’t even know how old he is for heaven's sake! yes it’s shameful but you just can’t help it. he’s just sooo cuteee!!

you didn’t notice but you’ve been fantasizing and squealing for the past 45 minutes. if anyone were to pass by your room they would think you’re getting kidnapped or something. but you just can’t stop thinking about him. he’s just soooo dreamy!! okay for real stop now. you think that you should lock in, and actually start thinking about school. now that you finished setting up your room it’s time to start setting up your schedule. summers coming to its end and the fall semester is in less than a week! as your thinking about your semester classes you snap to your senses when you hear a knock at your bedroom door. you arise from your bed to crack open the door and see choso. once you see him you realize you have to act like you weren’t just creating fantasies about him. which is hard considering the fact he’s right in front of you.

“hey choso what’s up?” you're surprised you got your words out without completely stumbling over every single word. you give him a smile as you lean against the door frame.

“i was uh wondering if you wanted anything for dinner, since neither of us h-have gone grocery shopping yet.” as he messes with the hem of his hoodie. “i was about to go pick some up if, you wanted anything..” he looks away from you during that last portion and his words fade out.

“oh! yeah lemme put my shoes on and i’ll be right out!” you said then rushed to grab said things. he didn’t expect you to want to come with him but he won’t deny it. if anything, he's excited. since the moment he saw you he knew he was in for a roller coaster.

“okay, ready when you are!” he practically felt like he was melting when you gave him the kindest smile. he couldn’t even believe that you even said yes, he wasn’t expecting you to want to come with him in the first place.

“we can go now” you follow him out the room setting the door behind you. Both of you leave small dorm room and make your way to the elevator. The elevator was silent, but you could feel him staring at you through the mirror conviently placed in the elevator, though you decide to say nothing about it. The elevator came to a slow stop as you reached the ground floor.

“ so what are we getting cho?” You mention as you're both walking to the parking lot. The nickname again makes him flush a bit, it’s not noticeable to the fact it’s dark outside.

“anything you want, i’m not too picky. plus i picked last time.” you then reached choso car. it looks pretty new, sleek, black, probably real expensive, it definitely suits him. he then pulls out his keys and unlock the doors. you step into the passenger side and get settled into his car. the interior is also nice, spacious, black leather seats, a touch screen radio, you really wonder how he could afford such a nice car.

“anything i want? hmm.” you put your mind to work for what you wanted but you genuinely couldn’t think of anything.

“well not anything. some places are probably closed by now because of how late it is. and i’m not made out of money.” but i'd buy you the whole world if i could is what he wanted to say. he doesn’t understand why. he’s never even thought of saying those kinds of things to anyone else so he doesn’t know why all of a sudden he would to you. he’s only known you for about a week and his mind is stuck on thoughts of you.

‘this is going to be a torturous year if i don’t get over this’ he thinks to himself as he spaces out. but is snapped out of it when he hears your voice.

“uhmm i think that one italian place down sunshine street is open 24 hours, it’s a bit far from the university though. if you want to check it out.” your face was hardly illuminated due to the lack of lights but he could tell you were giving him that same sweet smile.

“yeah we can go, i’ll just need to stop for gas first.” he says as he starts pulling out of the parking lot. “you can play music if you want. i’m not picky about what kind.” he glances over at you to see you giggling at him. this made him turn entirely red and put his focus back on the road.

“what’s funny” by his expression you could tell he was confused and embarrassed.

“why are you acting so serious and nonchalant? are you scared to look at me or something? loosen up a bit.” and with that his shoulders dropped and his breathing slowed down you could tell he was tense.

“no, and uh sorry.” his face was still red you could tell by the street lights.

“you don’t have to apologize. i’m not gonna be mad or anything. do you think i’m scary?” he pulled the car into a gas pump by the nearest gas station before putting the car in park.

“no, i just think you’re really pretty.” and with that he was out of the car headed to the inside convenience store leaving you with that statement plaguing your thoughts.

wait what did he say? did he say that i’m pretty? does he actually think i’m pretty? those thoughts were running through your head like a wildfire. you glance through the window again to see choso already walking back to the car. you were frozen you didn’t even know what you were going to say to that. as your stare at him you do think he is cute, and almost exactly your type. he stands on the side of the car by the gas pump and quietly waits as the car fills up with fuel. you never thought someone’s side profile could look so hot but it felt like your heart was stopping and restarting the longer you looked at him. he then finished and got back into the car. it was silent. not another word was exchanged between the two of you. not that it was necessarily awkward, but you still couldn’t wrap your mind around the statement he made. it wasn't like it was anything out of the ordinary or anything you’ve been called pretty a bunch of times but it felt different when it came from him. you couldn’t quite put your finger on why it was only him that made you feel this way. not that you didn’t believe in love at first sight, but there’s no way it could happen this fast and over a simple comment. right?

the drive to the shop took a bit longer than expected, the silence eventually getting to you making you turn up the radio slightly. throughout the rest of the drive you’re mostly just playing with your hair while you look out the window. when he pulls into the drive through at the shop he turns to you before asking do you already know what you want it felt nice to be reassured that he would still talk to you. from the silence he displayed not long ago you were afraid he went non verbal and would never speak again. but it was also bad that you didn’t even think of it. you’ve only been to this place once and you didn’t even think to look up the menu online. you turn to face him before you shake your head. he then pointed at the brightly lit menu by him. you read the menu and tell the drive through worker what you want and so does choso and sooner or later you’re at the first window. you reach into your pocket and pull out your wallet and go for your card. he puts his hand over yours stopping your movements before saying..

“it’s okay i’ll pay.” you look at him sorta shocked. “it’s not that much i’ll pay for myself. plus you paid for both of us last time we got food.” he gave you a dirty glare which you really hoped he didn’t mean but that quickly made you put your wallet up. He then pulled out his own and gave his card to the worker once they went over the order. He then got the receipt and pulled up to the next window. He put the car in park and waited silently. It wasn't as awkward as earlier but it definitely wasn't ideal to be sitting in silence with a guy that's so cute. Some girls and maybe even some guys would be flocking to be you in this situation, you can't say this experience is incredibly terrible though. You are getting free food out of this and it is much better than being cooped up in your small dorm room stressing about the school year that's about to start in a couple of days. The silence is sickeningly loud, and the tension in such a small vehicle was thick enough to cut through. You wanted to say something desperately but you couldn't think of the right words to say. You didn't want him to think of you in some kind of way. It's not like you wanted to stay silent, you just didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Him on the other hand.. he was freaking out mentally. He's glad he didn't start physically shaking, he probably would have if it was anybody else but he doesn't want to seem like some kind of wimp in front of you. Your first impressions with you were already bad enough when he couldn't say a single sentence without stuttering up a storm, and the past week the both of you have been in the dorm together the two of you have hardly said a word to one another. When he came to your room and asked if you wanted food it took him 3 days to muster up the confidence. He thinks he should be ashamed because how does it even take that long?? It's not like he was expecting to share a dorm with a girl, a pretty girl at that. He thought it was gonna be separated by boys and girls, like most places are but he cant say hes mad about the decision to put the two of you in a dorm together. And it's not like you two are sharing a room anyways, you're both on two completely opposite ends of the dorm itself. He realizes he's been spacing out when he feels something tap his right shoulder and he hears his name repeatedly being called by such a sweet voice.

“Choso.. Hey choooo. chosoo. choooooooo…” you kept repeating his name hoping to grab his attention. When you realized simply just saying his name wasn't going to grasp his attention you turned to repeatedly tapping him and calling his name. Which did eventually work when he looked like he saw a ghost or something by the way he practically jumped out of his skin. He averted his eyes to you from the dashboard creating intense eye contact between you and him. his attention was fully on you now. his eyes held a power you couldn’t describe. it was almost hypnotizing the way he was looking at you like he was longing for you. You can't lie, he was pretty handsome and just your type. You had completely forgotten what you were going to say as the two of you just stared at each other. there was a comfortable yet intense silence. Which just had to be ruined by a worker knocking on the glass window. Choso then rolled down the window as fast as it could go, which was still relatively slow.

“Sorry to interrupt you little love birds, but I have your order.” The elderly woman handed choso a bag with two foam plates in it. And before you or choso could correct the woman she was scurrying off back to work. Choso hands you the bag before putting the car in drive and hurrying out of the store's parking lot. The car ride was silent along with faint rock music playing in the background, the car was at a steady pace as he drove fast down the highway. It was until you realized you were going the direct opposite way of the dorms. It's not that you didn't trust him, more like just confused.

“Choso, where are we going?” you glance at him and ask quietly.

“Do you trust me?” The car slows down some as he comes to a turn. You could say no and he would probably drive you back to the dorm, or you could continue with this and let him take you to god knows where. To say you were curious was an understatement. But to think rationally why would he even take you, you're quite literally roommates. He would obviously be the number one suspect if you went missing. You don't think he's that dumb. Right? Before you can even come up with a decision, curiosity took over you and blurted out ‘yes’. The car then started to step up back to its normal fast and steady pace.

“I promise i wont hurt you.. you seemed hesitant is all.” he glaces at you again before putting his attention back on the road. “that’s something a kidnapper would say..”

“do i look like a kidnapper sweetheart?”

that nickname was all it took for the both of you to practically switch places.. you turned into the timid one and he seemed as confident as ever.

“i mean..” you dragged out the end as he sighed. “well on the bright side you’re not an ugly kidnapper. i would hate to be kidnapped especially by someone who wasn’t my type.” …why did you just say that..? the last part just slipped out, you had meant to say ‘i would hate to be kidnapped by someone who was ugly” but i guess even your own body isn’t on your side tonight.

“i’m your type?” his eyes don’t leave the road, and yours don’t leave the dashboard. you absolutely cannot look at him right now not after your slip up.

“well.. there’s a lot of guys that look like you.. like the emo, punkish,and grungy look. a lot of girls, or guys if you’re into that; like that kind of stuff nowadays.” the quick excuse doesn’t cover up what you said but it’s the first thing that came to mind.

“uh huh…” you can tell he doesn’t believe you completely so you just stay quiet and enjoy the rest of the ride to this mysterious location.

around 15 minutes later, you arrive. the car comes to a stop and his seatbelt comes undone, so you undo yours as well. he then pushes his seat back as far as possible, and you mirror his actions. he reached into the backseat and pulled the two foam plates and handed you one with some plastic utensils and set one on his lap. you then finally look up out the front window and see a thousand stars glimmering and beaming in the sky. it was absolutely beautiful.

“choso… where are we..?”

“we’re only a city over don’t worry. but this is where i go when i go late night driving. it’s isolated.. no one comes around here. real calm over here.” faint music plays in the background as choso starts to eat his food. you also begin to eat. you notice choso keeps looking up at you, but you keep it to yourself. it was until he spoke.

“can i get a bite of your food.. it looks really good.” you giggle at him before picking up a good sized piece and bringing it towards his mouth. he chuckles a bit before opening his mouth and taking a bite out of the food and chewing. his eye light up at the taste. it’s different from his usual flavor palette.

“can i get a bite of yours?” you ask staring at his plate. he picks up his fork and brings it towards your mouth. you take the bite and begin to chew. it’s much different from what you ordered. it’s actually really spicy. you reach over to a bottle of water that mysterious sat in chosos car.

“hold on you’ve gotten something right..” chosos hand grabs your face as you turn to face him once more. he wipes the corner of your lips removing a previous crumbs. yet his hand doesn’t leave, nor do his eyes from yours. he stares deeply into your pupils as you look into his dark ones. you don’t realize it but during this intense staring you both started to lean in before both of your lips collided in a passionate kiss. it wasn’t quick. he held you there as the kids grew longer. soon you melted into it and let yourself go. but even quicker than that you both were out of breath. you both pull back and lock eyes once more, and you’re both rendered completely speechless

-

a/n

please don’t ask me why it took over 2 months.. i don’t wanna talk about it. BUT UM CHAPTER 3 WILL BE OUT SOON I SWEAR.. okay i don’t swear but it is a wip rn meaning it wont be TOO much longer but yk me ;) (if there are any mistakes don’t be afraid to point them out) -dmitry

[salty-croissants]

Hey! If your still taking requests, I was wondering if you can do Rayman/Ramon being a father to him and His S/os kids? I can see Rayman being his kids to work, like bring your kid to work day, that would be so cute

Thank you for the request !

I’ve been struggling to get back writing for quite a few days now , had a massive writer’s block phase … I’m really sorry I took so long to get this done ! Hopefully I’ll finish the next request a bit faster ;-; 

Anyway , I really enjoyed writing this one : I love the idea of Rayman being a sweetheart to his kids … it brings me joy :,) 

Hope it turned out okay ! 

And again , sorry about the inconvenience ;( 

Details : use of gender neutral reader ; 

established relationships ; 

no warnings needed 

Rayman 🧡

Two words : Best Dad . 

Rayman has always had a soft spot for children , so now that he has a family with you , the love of his life , he truly feels like the luckiest man alive .

He knows that he can’t be around all the time , but whenever he’s there he wants to be as present as possible and make everyone smile … that’s probably the most important thing for him .

Rayman is more than happy to bring his children along to work when he is allowed to , and the sheer enthusiasm he has when talking to them and answering their questions is surely something to behold …

< Ohh - what is that , Dad ? > 

< That is the television production studio , sweetie : it’s the place from where the things I say get filmed and then put on tv . 

It’s one of the most important rooms in this building , and the one where I spend more time into . > 

< That’s so cool !! 

Can we go in there now Dad ? Can we ? Can we ? Can we ? > 

< Hehe , alright , let’s go !

Just be careful and stay close to me , okay ? > 

< Okay ! > 

Rayman isn’t bothered in the slightest by the fact that his coworkers and staff members could see him and his kids , and if anyone has complaints about it ?

Well , he is ready to have an hours long argument with them if necessary , so most people don’t even try to talk about it … at least not out loud . 

When he comes back home , despite how tired he may be , Rayman is pretty much always down to see what his children have been up to while he was away : 

they crafted something or made a drawing ? He will see it .

They want to tell him all about something cool that happened today ? He will give them his full attention .

< Dad ! Dad look , it’s you ! We made it together ! > 

< Wow - that’s such a good drawing you made there ! I love it ! > 

Rayman makes sure to keep every little thing they gift him , and sometimes you can find him sitting somewhere , smiling while staring at something they made …

< Aw , is that a new one Ray ? > 

< Mhm …

Y’know y/n , sometimes I look at you and our family and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have all this .

I can’t thank you enough for staying with me … I love you , I love you so much ~ > 

< I love you too sweetie … I’m so lucky to have you as well ~ > 

Ramon 🖤

Saying that Ramon will do anything to keep you and your kids safe is an understatement …

He is ready to throw his life away to ensure that , and that often brings him to make many , many dangerous decisions .

< y/n ? Is … is Dad okay … ? > 

< Don’t worry hun , he just needs some rest and he’ll feel better soon …

Still Ram , that’s not an excuse for doing stuff like that . 

Please , please promise me you’ll never do it again … > 

< I … hnn … I’m sorry … I just - I forget myself sometimes …

I’ll try to be more careful , I promise . > 

Ramon’s softer side is especially visible when he is spending time with your children , playing with them …

< Aha ! We got you ! >

< Heh , you got me … >

< And now you’re trapped , forever !! >

< Noo - how could I be so easily defeated ?? >

You can’t help but smile whenever you see your partner like that , at this point only ever smiles when you’re all together : it’s the one thing that keeps him sane . 

Since he doesn’t want to make your kids worry about how bad things actually are , with Eden constantly on the hunt for him and his beloved family , Ramon most likely confides  to you at night , when his tormented thoughts prevent him from getting some much needed rest …

< y/n … ? > 

< Hey love … can’t sleep … ? > 

< … yeah … 

This is just such a huge mess … I really have no idea how we’re gonna make it through this with those assholes constantly looking for us .

You deserve better … our children deserve better … maybe the both of you should - > 

< No . I know what you’re about to say , and I’ll never leave you , no matter what happens .

I know that … things aren’t easy right now , and I honestly have no idea what’s gonna happen next … but I know we’re going to get through this , and we will be happy , all three of us … I promise . > 

Your loving words always manage to give Ramon some reassurance , and with a momentary sense of peace he eventually manages to fall asleep in your arms , grateful to have you and your kids by his side . 

He will do everything in his power to keep you safe , no matter what it takes . 

[perpetuallydaydreaming]

ghost of a smile.

sirius said, “you fall in love with anything with a pulse.” so naturally james proves him wrong.

tags: james potter x reader,, they/them pronouns,, you’re a ghost,, sirius is vv protective of james,, wolfstar (it wasn’t supposed to be but then when i kept writing it just felt right),, crack,, age gap(???),, magical inter-racial relationships(???)

“prongs, it’s a fuckin’ ghost.”

“i love them.”

“it’s a ghost!” sirius punctuated the sentence by grabbing james by the shoulders and literally shaking him to sanity. but proved to be futile as the messy haired man clicks his tongue and shrugs off sirius’ hand as if it offended him.

“i know that, and my feelings won’t change. they make me feel alive.”

sirius groans, oh the irony, eyes wild in disbelief and turning to the rest, hopefully as exasperated and bewildered as he is. the look on his face as if saying, can you believe this guy?!

peter still looks disturbed and mooney looks like he’s trying to understand what james’ thought process was.

but that’s the thing. there is no thought. that’s why they’re in this situation in the first place. sirius likes to think there is no sane person to fancy an incorporeal being. much less, ugh, love them.

but leave it to james to prove him wrong. sirius almost laughs at the absurdity of it all.

“i know you like to go above and beyond expectations. but when i said you can fall in love with anything with a pulse, i didn’t mean for it to be a challenge.”

you cleared your throat, “i’m guessing this isn’t the best time.” you interjected sheepishly. hovering just a little above the floor. sirius thinks you almost look like a normal student. if normal students were translucent and dead.

when nobody said anything, but gave sheepish (remus and peter), worried (james) and judging (sirius) looks.

“i should just go and let you gentlemen talk things through. i’ll see you later james.”

“no don’t go,” he pouted. actually pouted! the love sick fool. “i’ll come with you.”

you shook your head, translucent hair swaying with the movement. “no it’s alright, you can stay and talk with your friends.” you smiled.

you gave him an encouraging nudge, or so to speak, since he can’t really feel you. because, again—dead.

james just nodded, and like a puppy, stayed.

once you were gone, remus was the first to speak,

“james, i think what sirius is trying to say here is how did this even happen?” remus asks softly, scratching his cheek, like he does when the puzzle he’s solving isn’t as easy as he thought it would be.

james sighs, he actually sighs like a besotted maiden, “i was— just a lost soul,” sirius blanched. “—wandering on this earth and then i met them, my beautiful love.”

“that isn’t the only lost soul that day, i bet.” sirius scoffs.

completely ignoring sirius now, james continues, “and then it just feels like everything clicked into place. they were always there when i needed someone to talk to. they were always so warm and kind. they always listened to me, they don’t make fun of my feelings. they don’t disregard them. they’re so beautiful and so smart. they’re crazy smart, knows a lot of things about history and all. you two would get along well, mooney.”

“they should know about history considering they died in it.” sirius hiss out but ultimately ignored.

“but james…” remus starts, and sirius almost sighs in relief at least somebody was also using their brain.

but then james interrupts, “i know they’re a ghost, and there’s not much else i can do about that. but remus, i can feel them. when we talk, i know they understand me and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way about someone before.”

sirius rolls his eyes, having heard a similar speech when james said he fell in love with the store clerk in a muggle record shop in london.

sirius wanted so badly to scream out louder, in hopes to wake his friend from his delusion.

james clearly isn’t sound of mind right now. and it’s his duty as his best mate to help him. with the help of remus, they can do it. so he took the first step.

“james—“

“i think that’s beautiful james.” remus cut in.

sirius have never felt so betrayed in his life. and by remus of all people. and his face made sure to show this betrayal. lips curling into a horrified gape, eyes in a frenzy of rage.

remus clicks his tongue at him and covers his face with his large warm hand.

“thank you remus.” his crazy friend gave his crazier friend a lopsided smile.

hells, he was even blushing.

“are you fucking serious right now remus? they’re dead!” he shouted, muffled by remus’ hand.

remus ignored him turning to a now frowning james, “why don’t you go ahead and catch up with them while i talk to sirius quickly.”

james gave sirius a brief look and nodded. walking back, searching for the poltergeist in the castle.

“what’s wrong with you?!” remus hissed once james was out of sight.

sirius removing the hand on his mouth, growling as he says, “me?! i’m not the one getting it on with a soul, remus. what you’re okay with this?”

“yes,” remus gave a noncommittal shrug, “i’d be okay with it even if you were the one totally enamoured by a ghost.”

sirius gave him a dead look, “you’d be okay with your boyfriend in love with a ghost.”

remus rolls his eyes, a light dust of pink glowing on his cheeks and ears, “not like that, i just mean if the situation was different, you’d want somebody to support you. besides, it’s james, i’m sure this is all harmless.”

“harmless?! am i really the only thinking this is down right strange? i mean it’s a spirit for merlin’s sake! i know my family isn’t exactly picky with their romantic counterparts, fucking cousins and all, so i might not be the best person to defend my case. but this is a dead thing! a ghost. haunting hogwarts. that has to cross some boundary, right?”

remus softly groaning in frustration, “do you think i don’t know that? of course i think this is crazy! but what else could we do? when has james ever listened to us? especially with his penchant for following skirts.”

“and the occasional pants.” peter added with a shrug.

“it’s even crazier that you agree with me but is still willing to let this go on?!”

“if it’s anything like his previous escapades then i’m sure this won’t last as long.” remus sighs, rubbing his neck and stretching his neck.

“ultimately, let him make a fool of himself then. great idea.”

“i think we should trust james more,” peter shrugged, “i mean i’ve seen more weird pairings than a wizard and a ghost. my neighbour’s first boyfriend was a goblin, you know.”

remus lifts his hand to peter, as if to say, see? peter gets it!

“et tu peter?” sirius deadpanned. “traitors. both of you.” turning away as he swiftly walks away from the group.

“what did i do?” peter calls out to him.

“you, especially were no help!” sirius shouted back. his huffs and angry steps echoing in the stone castle.

if they weren’t going to stop james from being barmy then it’s up to him to stop this from going further.

it was a week later and james was still dating the damn ghost. he was even off celebrating some obscure couple holiday. maybe it was your death anniversary, who knows. sweet circe, james is down bad.

sirius slammed a thick dusty old book in the quiet corner of the library.

madam pince already looking over to them aggressively hushing the group.

remus immediately called out a flustered apology before turning to sirius to whisper.

“what is that?”

with smug grin and a hand on his narrow hips, “this, my sweet mooney, is the answer to our haunting problem.”

an ancient, dusty, dirty book that was practically falling apart titled, polly’s practical practices to the paranormal and poltergeists.

“i told you to leave it.” remus clicking his tongue and glaring at the overly smug man.

peter gingerly grabbed the book and started to comb through the pages. “how is this going to help?”

“go to page 189, it talks about exorcisms.” leaning over peter’s shoulders.

“you’re going to exorcist james’ lover?” the tone remus used was full of judgment and condensation. and sirius does not welcome that energy into his space. so, he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms— ready to shut down the negative energy.

“it also says on page 7 that ghosts are simply souls that are unable to cross through the spiritual realm. so if anything, i’m doing them a favour.”

peter chewing his lip in contemplation. “shouldn’t we tell james about this first?”

“james is biased, therefore his opinion is invalid.”

remus leaning back into his seat in a slump, “james is a grown man. he can decide for himself what he wants to do in his free time, even if that includes hanging around with a ghost all day.”

sirius feels a twitch in his eye coming. remus for every ounce of his prettiness, equates that to his stubbornness. so you can just imagine how stubborn this man is when he wants to be.

“babe,” sirius groans out, “i don’t understand how you can just let james make a fool of himself like this!—“ there’s a distinct shushing sound, and sirius looks over to sheepishly nod in apology, continuing in a much lower but just as aggressive tone, “he’s dating a fucking ghost, and i’m going to stop it, okay?”

remus levelled him with a glare. “have you even tried getting to know them?”

“the ghost?”

remus levels him with a stare, “they have a name.”

“whatever.” sirius scoffs before straightening up and looking at two of his friends betrayal dawning on his face, “don’t tell m—“

“i’ve gotten to know them very well actually, peter has too. hung out multiple times now.”

“you have? since when? how? why didn’t you tell me?”

peter, closing the book softly, “since james told us, they’re actually pretty cool. not as mental as the other ghosts for one.”

sirius gawks, the familiar sting of disappointment and betrayal brewing in his navel. “and you didn’t think to inform me of this development?!”

“mr. black, please leave the premises if you can’t keep the decorum expected in the library!”

“—sorry!” sirius calls back, before turning back to them, whispering harshly, “some friends you are.” swiftly grabbing the book back.

“someone has to be since you’ve refused to talk to james.”

“because he’s gone crazy, i don’t talk to crazy people— already had enough of that from my mother.”

remus now reaching for the book and reading the table of contents, “how do you even know if this book is accurate?”

sirius rolls his eyes, “it’s the only book left about ghosts,”

remus raised an eyebrow at that, “the only book left? or you just don’t know where to look?”

peter snickered. “considering this is the longest time he’s been in the library for the last six years, i’m guessing he doesn’t even have a library card.”

sirius let out a quiet gasp, petulant as he defends, “this is not the longest time, i know where the sections are.”

“right. well good luck on whatever it is you’re planning. if i wasn’t clear enough— i want no part of this whatsoever, assuming it all blows up in your face.” remus raising a scarred hand in the air and sauntering away.

sirius clicks his tongue, annoyed, “peter, hand me some parchment. i need to make notes about cleansing haunted areas.”

sirius already has a solid plan. he had thought of everything! he’s already practiced the ceremony in the dorms, with peter acting like the ghost. he even practiced drawing the runes and the enunciation of the incantations. he just needs to know where you usually reside in the castle, so he can draw the runes.

the only problem is, he doesn’t know where you are and what better way to know than from romeo, himself.

“james,” sirius calls out.

“here we go.” he hears peter wince, but resolutely ignoring him.

taking a deep breath, “i want to apologize for the way i acted, you deserve to be happy. and if they make you as happy as you say they do, then okay. as your best mate, i’m going to be more supportive of you.”

james, like a big softie that he is, immediately beamed a smile, grabbing sirius by the shoulders and crushing him into a hug.

“i knew you’d come around!” he gushed in his ear. sounding so utterly elated that he almost feels guilty for lying. but he has to do this. for james. “sirius you’re my brother! of course, i forgive you! i don’t think i can even go on for longer not speaking to you. bugged me like mad.”

remus all but looked at sirius in complete suspicion, which he ignores in favour of looking as earnest as he possibly could. peter looking down right nervous as his gaze filters through all three of them.

“to prove my support. i want to meet y/n and be their friend. get to know them a little bit better.”

and if it was even possible, james shone even brighter, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling in excitement. he hadn’t seen that look on his face for quite some time now. looking equivocally happy.

“let’s go right now!”

“now?!”

“yeah, they should be on the third floor.” james grinned. walking a brisk pace and everyone jogging to keep up.

“what are you doing?” remus whispered as he power walked beside him.

sirius feigned innocence, “i’m supporting my best mate.”

remus frowned, not buying it, “and this is after you exorcise them or? or do you plan on damning their soul now?”

sirius clicked his tongue, “you told me to support james and when i do, you doubt me. it’s like you don’t love me.”

“you better be supporting james or i swear to god—“

“so james!” looking ahead, resolutely ignoring the stare burning to the side of his face. “anything i should know before meeting this special apparition of yours?”sirius says, lips stretching into an easy smile.

james slowed his pace, perfectly chirpy to divulge any information about his lover. glowing pink on his cheeks as he starts, “well, they’ve been a ghost in hogwarts since 1902, they were sorted in—“

“do you know how they died?” sirius cut off. resulting in a rude elbow jab from remus and a small frown from peter.

“what?” he said indignantly. isn’t that a vital question to ask? asking how a ghost died?

“they said there was an incident, an ogre got into the castle and, um, killed them,”

yikes.

the book said ghosts may not know how they died. associating their willingness to pass because they haven’t had the closure to move on. though if you knew how you died, it seems counter-productive to tell you about your death in order for you to pass on. so that’s crossed out.

“so are they secretly disembowelled or something? like almost-headless nick?”

james looked back and pursed his lips, gaze turning a little bit sharper, “no, they look perfectly okay. beautiful even.”

oh sure, he thought.

“they do,” remus piped up giving him a stern look. as if he heard him, “very pretty.”

sirius rolls his eyes, “oh of course, puts veela’s to shame, i’m sure.” waving his hand, opting for nonchalance as he continues, “so, what do you usually talk about with them then? surely common interests with an old ghost is hard to find.”

“they’re actually quite young compared to the other ghosts. that’s why they mostly keep to themselves on this floor.”

sirius grimace, fighting a shiver down his spine. “yes being over sixty. very young.”

james glared at him, and he raised his arms in surrender, “just joking.”

“—we talk about a lot of things, quidditch is one.”

“quidditch.” he repeated. do ghosts even follow the leagues?

remus placing an arm around james, “they used to play quidditch, a chaser.”

“quite good too, found their name on past rosters in the library.” peter grinned.

james beamed, encouraged by the others to prattle on. louder and faster like he can’t help but talk about you. like he was just waiting for a reason to. “and they liked potions, helps me study sometimes—“

“study.” he repeated. ��with your ghost lover.”

“—oh, we’re here! my love?” james calling out into the alcoves and the barren hall. “i bought my friends, are you here?”

and then like a chill going up his spine, you showed up. floating a hair just above the ground, making it look like as if you’re walking.

you were a pale translucent thing. he had hardly looked at you the first time he’s seen you. confidently thinking he didn’t have to until james inevitably moves on from you. frankly, he didn’t know what to expect once he saw you, again. maybe look a bit alive, since his very much alive friend is very much in love with you.

you looked pretty, sure. but it was nothing to write home about. certainly not the kind that he would be willing to overlook the state of your mortality. but yeah, sure, pretty.

he almost wants to rolls his eyes.

“james, i was going to look for you.” you breathed. looking equally enamoured.

“what for my love?” he asks.

then you noticed the other approaching individuals, “oh hello, remus, peter, and—?“

“this is sirius, remember? i told you about him, didn’t i?” james but all grinned, going up to you and raising his hand as if to touch you. if he even can.

you looked like thin sheets blowing in the wind. if thin sheets can talk and haunt.

“that you did.” you laughed, and then your hand started to look fuckin’ solid. like a solid, human hand grabbing james’ and even squeezing back.

“nice to see you again, y/n, how have you been?” peter smiled.

you shrugged, smiling a little strained. “still very much dead, and here. thanks.”

sirius looked at your joined hands. tight and secure.

remus nudges him out of stupor and he flashes a strained smile.

so you can materialize. at least that answers some questions. though it opens a new array of questions for him now. questions he has no problem vocalizing.

“you can materialize?”

you turn to him, looking beyond nonchalant and relaxed with the whole situation. you obviously also hold no objections to the peculiar relationship. looking all too willing to be james’ dead lover.

“if i try hard enough, yes.”

“how long can you materialize?”

“if it’s just my hands, i can probably hold for a good hour or so.”

the book didn’t mention this.

sirius looks at you, up and down, apprehensive and suspicious. “can every ghost do this then?”

“i think so, though i haven’t seen them attempt it. i’m guessing they never really had any reason to.” you turn to james and grin at him. like some secret was just shared.

james looked at you twice as bright and giddy. hopelessly, happy and pink.

sirius thinks he’s going to hurl.

“so, do you just go materializing your hand, touching school boys every decade or so?”

“pardon?”

“sirius!” remus hissed.

sirius smiles the fakest smile he has, “just a joke.”

you raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t comment. he can feel the heat of james glare and hear the insistent shuffling of peter to his side.

“why did you decide to date james? are you planning on possessing him for his living body?”

“sirius black!” remus grits out, pinching his side.

james stepped forward to shield you, a frown deep in his face, but you just tug at his arm, and he softens.

you laugh, “no, i don’t plan on possessing my boyfriend. as for why i’m dating him,” you turn to look at james again, sharing a secret smile again, “well, i quite like him.”

sirius clicks his tongue.

the night continued on. he asked questions, and you answered them.

he would be, admittedly, very difficult. maybe even down-right rude but you seem to assimilate to his attitude soon enough.

every jab and attack he would aim at you. you would receive with grace and an amused ghost smile.

eventually james wanted some alone time and sirius was just glad for a reason to finally leave.

“you know you could have been a bit nicer or at least decent to y/n.” remus hissed once james and casper went away.

“oh trust me, that was me being nice.” he scoffs.

“asking insensitive questions is not nice, last i checked.” peter said.

shaking his head, “i could have said it was fucking creepy that james is fucking dating a ghost. or maybe tell james he needs to make an appointment with a mind healer soon —that his impulsivity with the concept of “falling in love” is all twisted and, let’s face it, short-lived— pun-intended. i could write to fleamont that his son is fracking with a soul trapped in hogwarts! but i didn’t. trust me that was being nice.” he all but shouted, panting as his face blotched red.

“finally dropping your supporting your best mate agenda then, are you?”

sirius turns to remus, huffing and beyond betrayed, “have you not been listening?!”

remus clicks his tongue, “i understand, but it’s just as you said. all of this is short-lived that will eventually die out. so why bother stressing about it? y/n is a pretty cool spirit if you get to know them.”

“it’s a spirit from the 1900, what else is there to know?”

“you are a real piece of work.” remus giving him a hard glare, pulling at his fringe hard.

peter all quiet and mousy said, “i don’t even know why you’re so worked up about all this.”

sirius groans, “the reason why i’m so worked up about all this is, because it is james, we all know how he is. this is going to be another repeat of him falling for somebody, getting his hopes up and fall face down on the ground. and i’ve seen him fall way too many times to let it happen again. it’s a fucking ghost. there is no future with them. james doesn’t see reason, so it’s up to us to help him.”

remus blinked, and then sagged.

“i get it, okay? i get where you’re coming from. but i think out of everyone here, james is the one that understands this the most. just trust him on this. he’s not daft, he knows what he’s doing.”

“but what if he gets hurt again?”

“then we’ll be there for him.”

you can still somewhat hear them argue in the empty halls. you were sure james can too, if his frown was anything to go by.

“sirius is… lovely.” you hummed.

james groans, pulling you to to sit with him on one of the benches. “i’m so sorry about that, he’s just—“

you raise hand to stop his blabber, “i completely understand, he’s protective of you. i feel the same way.” you whispered.

james looks at you abashed and pink, before he looks away. still, rubbing his thumb to your knuckles even as it slowly becomes faint and pale, once again.

“he’ll warm up to you soon,” he nodded.

you smiled, “should i be worried if he doesn’t?”

he turns to you again, looking at you completely besotted, “you shouldn’t, he’ll like you.”

“you sound sure.”

“because i know him, and i know you. you are, after all, the most charming ghost in the castle.” he grins.

“what a title,” you softly sighed.

“just give him time,”

suddenly you’ve been reminded why you wanted to meet with him. you felt the phantom rhythm of your dead heart thrum through your veins. nervous after so many decades, funny.

“i’ve been reading, lately.”

“oh? about what?” he grins at you, cheeks a healthy glow of life and eyes bright like the light in the morning.

you almost falter, but thank merlin you don’t.

you were sure you wouldn’t be able to tell him if you postponed any more.

“about… leaving.”

“leaving?” he straightened. “what do you mean?”

you flowed to the other side of the room, higher than you would usually go, whenever you were with him. wanting to keep the illusion of normalcy of walking with him. like you were still alive. like a normal student with their boyfriend.

“i’ve been researching about this for a while, even before you came here—hogwarts, i mean, and i think i’ve found some sort of break through. this is what i wanted to talk to you about before— before meeting sirius and all that.”

“what like leaving the castle grounds? or—“ he gulps, looking absolutely terrified. “or leaving?”

you know he was smart enough to answer his own questions. but you also considered he would be in denial, unabashedly hopeful, so you clarified. “about passing on. leaving, for good. i’ve already talked to some other spirits in the castle, who wants to go too and some have already agreed.”

“but don’t you—“ james licked his lips, shifting one foot to the other, “don’t you want to stay with me?”

your chest is hollow, nay, non-existent. but the way he looks at you, his voice, and his warm hand reaching out to you, made you think your chest might be aching with pain.

for all your years in purgatory, haunting and never moving on. all these years of weaving through the halls, seeing different faces every year, it all seemed so short.

and the stretch of your time comprising of moments of when james potter was seeking you out. talking to you. making a companion out of you. and being with you. making you feel alive again.

he was young, bright, and callous, and rough. but he is also sweet, soft, and kind.

you knew from the start, this would never last.

you knew, like everyone else, that he’ll eventually leave too.

there was no life with you. that ended decades ago.

but he still has time.

“james,” you softly called out, floating over to him. thinking long and hard to be corporeal. even if it’s just your hands, so you could touch him.

“don’t.“ he looks down, biting down on his lips, refusing to look at you now. but he did nothing to move away from your hold, he never did, instead lifting his own to touch yours, soft yet firm. “don’t tell me some bull about living my life.”

you sigh, lifting his head to see his ever beautiful eyes, “but you have to.”

he softly shook his head in your hands, his grip tightening afraid to let go. “and i want to spend every moment i can with you,”

“and then what?” you ask.

he stops, his gaze moving all around your face, as if memorizing it to the fullest extent.

“i’m to stay now, and then you leave, and then i stay here? forever?”

he shook his head, pouting like kid, and you always endeared.

“i could get a job here and live here all year long, you can stay in my quarters where we can talk and be toge—“

you laugh letting him go, your hands turning translucent like before, like always. “there is no life with me, james. we’ve talked about this.” you look at him. you see his lip harshly bit down, gnawing, as he pulled to release the blood.

“you know this.“

james turns away from you. scratching his neck, his eyebrows furrowed. like the first time you saw him in the halls. after another failed attempt at wooing birds.

“i know.” he conceded. “i’ve been reading too. i’ve checked out books on how you can pass on. i think i’ve checked out every damn book about ghosts in the library.” he laughs bitterly.

you didn’t know this. he didn’t tell you. somehow that made the pain in your chest clench more. you always thought he would be against you leaving. something on your face must’ve shown this because he clarifies, before looking down again.

“i thought that if— i was the one to find the solution, find the way for you to move on, it wouldn’t feel— it wouldn’t hurt. i thought if it was on my own terms, i would be able to accept it easily. but i’m wrong, of course. it wouldn’t be that simple. especially not with you. with us.”

“you were looking for a way for me to pass on?” you ask gently, stopping low to catch his gaze.

he looked as earnest like the day you met him, nodding as he said, “because i know how miserable you felt. i know you—you don’t have enough reason to stay here any longer than you have. i know us, being together, isn’t reason enough for you to be stuck here for all eternity. i know this, but i was still hoping—”

“oh james,” you sighed.

“some irrational part of my brain wants you stay. i even thought of being with you here too. be with you after—“

“james potter.” you sharply cut in, gaze hardening in anger. but his gaze of despair made you soft and sigh again.

“i will not let you.”

you think of all the ghost trapped in the castle. you see them through the years, losing all sense of themselves more and more. becoming irate and miserable. seeing the same grounds, the same routines, the same days, mashing together in an endless cycle. never moving forward.

and then you see his eyes so full of love, and life, and bravery, and sweetness and roughness. even just thinking he might succumb to the cycle—

“i will not let you.” you repeated.

james reached out again, “i love you,”

you smiled at him, the faux fuzziness spreading down to your phantom toes. “you’ll find someone else to love james. someone who can spend more years of life with you, with so much love to give, i have no doubt about it.”

you think back to the boy crying with a broken rose in the halls, another heartache. the bright eyed look you see him give the person he’s chosen to love that day. another love. always so earnest, always with so much love that he has to give it to someone else.

you brush over his soft cheeks, committed to feeling him for the last time.

“do you—“ he breathed, leaning into your touch and bashfully looking down, “do you think i could see you on the other side?”

you gave a loop-sided smile, seriously how utterly charming, you thought. “i would like to think so. i can even greet you myself once you arrive if you’d like.”

he looks up at you, giving you a pretty smile, “yeah, okay.”

you didn’t leave immediately. you waited for another week.

james drew the runes for you, with sirius eagerly helping. you spent your last days, exploring the hidden parts of the castle with james, showing him all the secret passages you’ve come across. you spent your last day with james talking. taking in a full-body corporeal form and hugging him for the first time. and kissing him.

you left quietly, in the night when he was asleep.

he looked for you in the halls, the next morning, hoping you’d change your mind.

when you didn’t show after an hour, he left—blinking the embarrassing tears collecting in his eyes.

eventually though, james will move on. he doesn’t quite understand true love all that well yet. he’ll still mistake other feelings for love. maybe fall quickly. maybe love more than one person at the same time. eventually, he’ll fall in love, for real this time, find someone else to give his seemingly endless amount of love to and it’ll be returned ten-fold.

or at least it’s what sirius says to remus and peter. after remus reprimanded him for being too happy that you were gone.

extra:

later, when james opens the door on that halloween night. the living room glowing bright with green and the echoes of his son’s cries and his wife’s fast stomps upstairs. he would close his eyes in a swift end. thinking how peaceful it is, how quick— his face graced with a ghost of a smile, he would think of you, and hope you’re waiting on the other side.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Do you have any recs for fiction with a main cast of butch women? Doesn't necessarily have to be butch4butch in a romantic sense, but anything that depicts the human relationships between us. I feel like that's so rare, and it drives me crazy as someone who personally NEEDS other butch women in her life to feel sane and normal. I hate that most fiction treats us as male-adjacent stand-ins with femmes or as accessory side characters. I want to see us fleshed out for once.

I’m really sorry that there aren’t more stories easily accessible that have this kind of dynamic. I haven’t actually read all of these , so I can’t say if it really fits, but I’ll do my best to give you some recommendations! Hopefully you are able to find a couple in here ☺️ And definitely check the comments! There might be more suggestions there.

I went through my saved books and the ones I own to come up with this list.

I think older lesbian books in general would be a good starting ground! Especially from like 80s-early 2000s. While some of them might not necessarily use the word butch, they definitely have a lot more gnc women or just none feminine women in general.

- Leave A Light On For Me by Jean Swallows. I’m not too sure how many of the cast are butch, BUT, I do it it’s primarily about lesbian friendship.

- You’ve probably already heard of this one, but Dykes To Watch Out For is always a good one!

- A nonfiction rec would be : Tomboys Tales Of Dykes Derring-Do by Lynne Yamaguchi and Karen Barber.

- This book doesn’t delve into the relationship between butch lesbians, however, it does discuss in parts what you are talking about , from the perspective of a butch lesbian who lives on a farm, which is The Grass Widow by Nanci Little. It has a very beautiful seen between the two main characters discussing how she is still a woman.

- I didn’t know if this one really fit the mark, because I can’t actually remember if the other woman was butch or not (or considered more butch for the time ) but Stonehurst by Barbara Johnson has a section where a younger GNC lesbian gets sort of taken in by an older lesbian for safety and protection.

- I haven’t read it so I don’t know if she has relationships with other butch lesbians, but I do know she is a butch lesbian. Lilac Mines by Cheryl Klein.

- again I haven’t read this one, but given the time period and what it’s about I’m assuming the main character has friendship relations with the larger lesbian community: Shoulders by Georgia Cotrell.

- I started reading this one a while ago but sipped for some reason. I think I remember it being about a butch woman - but at the very least it’s about lesbian friendship: Working Parts by Lucy Jane Bledsoe.

- Untamed Desires : A Sydney Lesbian History by Rebecca Jennings. (I haven’t read this one either but I gave it a quick flick through right now and it seems like it could have what you are looking for)

- Missouri Vaun is a butch/gnc lesbian and all of her books have butch women in them. I can’t remember about their friendships much. But if you want a butch lesbian written from the perspective of one I would go with her!

- The Little Butch Book by Leslea Newman. A sweet little book fully dedicated to butch women!

- Rode Hard Put Away Wet has a butch x butch erotic short story in it. I would post it on here but I’m pretty sure tumblr would take it down right away.

I can’t really think of anymore right now. But I’ll reblog this again if anything comes up!

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help more. And I’m sorry we are in a world that doesn’t provide you with the love, respect and fictional representation you deserve. I can only hope things get better and you are able to find many more wonderful butch lesbians in fiction 💕

Thank you for popping in! I hope you have a beautiful day ☺️💕💕

[ettawritesnstudies]

Thank You

If you’ll permit me a minute to be cliche: this photo would not have been possible without you. When I started university in August 2019, the sum of all my author-y potential measured up to:

No finished manuscripts

A pipe dream of ever publishing my work

A scatterbrained outline of The Laoche Chronicles

Forty-four phone notes full of half-witted ideas

A grand total of 3 followers on my brand-new tumblr account

At the time, I had no grand plans of marketing my work, though I knew it would be necessary if I ever wanted an audience. I chose a degree in chemical engineering because I knew my baby platform and half finished stories weren’t going to cut it as a career in their current state as an 18-year-old, and I needed to have a day job if I wanted to pursue my end dream of self publishing. I was just hoping to survive my first year of engineering school, pass my weed-out classes, and hopefully make some new friends. That fall semester passed with sporadic progress on my book, and halfhearted attempts at breaking into the writeblr community, until I decided to try my hand at Inktober and made my first few acquaintances: @siarven and @abalonetea, who have both featured on this blog since then. It was also at this point, sometime during a Calculus III lecture, that I invented my pen name:

All was going well, and I was pleased with my incremental progress until the world ended.

The less said about the pandemic, the better. Writeblr truly kept me sane through working full-time jobs and taking 18 credit hours during the semester. When I was truly close to dropping out of school, I kept going, knowing I had these online friends to cheer me up after brutal exams and long nights of studying. The tag games and community filled the dearth of interaction left by quarantine and an insane schedule. During my summer internship in 2020, I finally had the time to finish the first draft of Storge and the confidence in myself to start a website. Rereading my first post is a surreal experience, in part because I still see myself as a little kid as hiding under the blankets with a flashlight, notebook, and pen, thinking “I wanna write a book!”

I woke up the next day crying to the sheer volume of kind messages congratulating me on meeting this milestone. Instead of feeling burnt out after reaching such a lofty goal, this gave me all the more energy to keep working. Since then, I’ve been so blessed to grow this community and this website. It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come, now being able to claim:

A finished manuscript of Storge

A 3rd draft of Runaways after going through 2 rounds of Beta Readers

8 short stories and an audio drama

An active mailing list

Over 1000 followers on tumblr, but more importantly, a thriving community of writers who support each other’s releases through ARCs, leaving reviews, enthusiastic questions, and a welcoming space for new writers to share their craft.

140 posts on my website and regular readers who care about my ramblings ❤

Now I’m on my way to my new job – I’ll be doing research and development in my chosen field with a team I really like, and the freedom to listen to books while I’m in the lab. This next month will still be a hiatus for blog posts and new writing as I pack up my life for a cross-states move, but I’m beyond excited to enter change. My hope is that I can start saving for editing costs and devote more time to my craft thanks to a 9-5 schedule and NO!!! HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!! Really, I cannot say enough how thrilled I am to never have to take another exam ever again, thank GOD. With a bit of luck and no small amount of grace, I hope I can publish and share my stories with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all the support and camaraderie these past years. In a way, I owe this diploma to you as much as to my classmates and professors. The night before graduation, I said to my friends, “I’ve been waiting for tomorrow for eight years.” Now I’m living in the future, and I can’t wait to write the next chapter.

[oscarwrites]

05/19/23 Update

Hello everyone!

Another week has passed and while I struggled at times, I mostly kept to my usual writing pace. I’m still working on the same scene for Gonzague, heavily featuring Chartres. It’s been fun at times, other times it felt like a slog. I have some mixed feelings about this scene, but I hope that overall it’ll be an interesting and entertaining one. If not, I can hopefully figure something out during editing to make it more interesting.

I’m hoping this scene will be wrapped up soon and I’ll move on to one focusing on Nevers. Eventually, I’ll switch projects again, just to keep myself sane lol. But I want to have a good chunk of this chapter done before then.

That’ll be all for this week, have a nice weekend!

[jwirecs]

Recommended NCT Fics of December 2022💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of december! hopefully these beautiful stories will have more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Close Your Eyes, And I’ll Kiss You || @taelme​​💕✅

in which johnny just wants to kiss you

Like or Like Like || @taelme​​💕💔✅💯

local fratboy with unstereotypically nice personality that sits behind you in lectures and doesn’t seem to take an interest in anything other than your stationery decides life is too short to keep subtly shooting his shot by asking what’s in your pencil case (i think this could be considered as friends to lovers....maybe....)

My Christmas Come True || @sehunniepotwrites​​💕✅💯💯

Mark Lee has been a staple in your life for the past six years and you haven’t even met him in person yet. You say yet because you’re steps away from the arrival gate of the airport and he’s there waiting for you on the other side. Nerves out of control, you wonder if coming to him for the holidays is a mistake but it’s way too late to turn back now. The only thing you can do is move forward and hope for the best. (this is the fluffiest of the fluff that i have read so far. like I CAN LITERALLY IMAGINE EXCITED MARK MEETING HIS NEW BFFL AND LIKE BOUNCING ON SPOT NEXT TO JOHNNY LIKE WHAT)

Silent Treatment || @ofjunemoment​💕💔✅💯

you and Jeno aren't attached by the hip all the time. you just sync up in many ways which makes it easy for you to communicate with one another. Right?OR: In which you and Jeno make a bet to see who can go the longest without talking to the other.

Caught in Your Web || @inlovergirlsworld​​💕💔🔄💯

Mark found himself in the makeup section, having not a clue about covering up bruises. And just when he thought he couldn't get any more annoyed, you showed up.

Definition of Hate || @ncteez​​🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

Johnny Suh is insufferable. He’s rich, arrogant, and anything but funny. You refuse to believe he is worth anything more than walking away from– over and over again– because you keep showing up for his friends, and his friend’s keep forcing you to talk to him.

The Roommate Contract || @jaeyunverse​​🔞💕💔✅

(quick summary from me: literally reader and jeno are idiots and are cute together.)

After Hours || @taeilteller​​💕✅

taeil works from home and everyday, he longs for his girlfriend to come back from work. tonight he feels a little needier than usual.

Candle Light || @2jaeh​​​💕✅

the power goes out so you and mark decide to "enjoy" your dinner under candle light.

Codename: Viper || @yutaholic​​🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

ten years ago, Yuta walked away from a life of villainy to be a husband and father, but when an enemy comes lurking, he is ready to protect his family by any vicious means necessary… (asdlkdljksdaj the og author didnt establish if this was an established relationship au but mans married in this fic so i say its under established relationship au because LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME)

Seven Days To Say I Love You || @purinpeach​​💕✅

you and jeno can't get enough of spending time together even when you are practically glued to each other's side at any given opportunity. but spending seven days a week for eternity with your favourite person doesn't sound like a bad idea, right?

A Series of (Un)Fortunate Events || @gimmehyuck​​💕💔✅💯

Mark found himself in the makeup section, having not a clue about covering up bruises. And just when he thought he couldn't get any more annoyed, you showed up.

Human Girls Are So Soft || @osakisho​​🔞✅

You’re Renjun’s pet girl and Haechan, Jaemin and Jeno are left to take care of you… yeah.

Neo Hybridverse || @flowerboykun​​🔞💕💔✅💯

(a compilation of multiple series all in one masterlist!)

Boo || @nikinonikki​​💔🔄💯

upon finding that you've died and are now a ghost, you do what any sane person would do- say 'screw it' and sneak into an nct concert for free. you're really living the death out here.

I Got You || @peanutpinet​​💕💔✅💯

you had always thought that you were working for the right people for the right purpose but it was all just a big act, making you realise that the right person was the one that you had to leave after an incident (do you hear mark saying “yo i got you, i got you” in your head rn? because i can and i love that)

Losing 127 In Ikea || @phoxphenex​​​​💕✅💯

(i also enjoy their little text drabbles)

Love Song || @neos-gone-wild​​​​💕✅

you ask your best friend to listen to a love song you wrote about him

Request from Anon. || @doyozen​​​💕✅

Asking the Dreamies “Ass or Tits” (i fully enjoy their little texts)

Skinship || @honeym4rk​​​💕🔄

the many ways mark partakes in affection

Soft Launching You On Instagram || @yellowgatorade​​💕✅

after a few months of dating, your boyfriend gets the okay to post you on instagram. your only request is that he covers your face, and he obliges. the response is overwhelmingly positive! (when will it be my turn to have a boo. like when, god out here playing favorites and i aint one of them)

Cynics || @rosewould​​🔞💕💔✅💯💯

Johnny has been your best friend since middle school. He was the only person who understood you in sad times. As time ticked on, he grew distant. He changed. He walked all over you to suck up to his other friends. It’s too late to fix things.

Dunk Shot || @jaemwrlds​​🔞💕💔✅

you had no intent on getting into a relationship but then you bump into a familiar face, na jaemin, who has an offer your sex craved self simply can’t resist.

Little Taste of Heaven || @taelme​🔞💕💔✅

a little taste of heaven, what you found in the eyes of Taeyong and his daughter.

My Focus On You || @jaemwrlds​​🔞💕💔🔄💯

lee jeno has only been betrayed two times in his life.

Sour Universe || @neowinestainedress​​​🔞💕💔🔄💯

(i suck at summaries but there are currently three fics in this masterlist and i am not too sure if its completed or not but i will put “ongoing” for the time being!)

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[chained-to-the-mirror]

I looked through my notes and apparently last time I sat down to write my thoughts was in February. I had been struggling with my body image and had a nasty nightmare. I’ve not had very nasty nightmares now, but the body image thing is ever present.

I recently bought swimwear for the first time since my early teens. (Let it be noted that I’ll be 43 in a month.) It was inspired by a friend who is coming to visit and wants to go swimming. I was so nervous to even try on a swimsuit… but I did it. I now have two swimsuits/swimwear. I wonder how it will be to actually go out in public wearing them - not easy, probably, but hopefully it will be at least somewhat enjoyable in the end.

Also a new thing is that I’ve been wearing shorts now. It’s almost 30 degrees here and suddenly I’ve noticed I don’t care what others think. I even wore an almost sleeveless top! Who am I?! I think this is due to age, and running out of fucks to give. I mean, does anyone really care what I’m wearing? I don’t think so. I just want to be as comfortable as possible. 

I’m putting my outfit from yesterday here - I would never have been able to wear this a year ago, no matter how hot it got. I’m surprised at myself. Also shocked at how comfortable I was eventually! There was no panicking, no distress. I see all the flaws, but it just matters less and less. I undoubtedly sound like a broken record, but I’m just so surprised.

I don’t think I would be at this point without my dear friends. They keep me sane, truly - and they never seem to get tired of shooting down my negative self talk, which matters more than anyone would guess. I love them all very much.

Another thing that’s helping is plants. I’ve become a full time plant parent, and it feels good to see things growing under my care. I’ve never been able to really do this successfully until now. I’m currently sitting on my balcony, surrounded by my green babies, and I feel calm. It’s no small thing, to feel calm! The plants also help me practice being patient. My huge tomato is testing me - there are so many flowers, but no fruit. Not even beginnings, apart from one that’s smaller than the tip of my pinky. I’m told it takes time, but I just worry. I am doing my best though, and that will have to be enough.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this, except nowhere. I suppose this is my blog, and I can go nowhere as much as I wish. I was going to write something the other day, but when the time came, I found I had no words anymore. Much like now! But I was thinking a lot about my active ED years for some reason. I used to be one of the moderators on a pro ana forum - one of the nice ones, one that helped me keep myself together for a long time. I was close to several people on there - I wonder where they are now? I kept in touch with a couple even after I was discharged from my first hospital stay, but these days I have lost contact with them. I hope they have found their own ways out. We were all sick, and brought together by being alone in our respective sicknesses. 

I kept a journal on the forum - it was full of misery and wallowing, so I’m sort of glad I have no access to it anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what became of the forum after I left. I’ve tried to find it again, but nothing comes up on google at least. It was always a very private, invitation only forum. Everyone supported everyone, in both sickness and recovery (whichever way any of us went at the time). I think I’m - ironically - alive because of those girls. (I say girls, because it was all girls. I think there may have been one boy at one point, but he was not very active.)

It’s such a weird experience, and I can’t really explain it to anyone who hasn’t been a part of a place like that. I tried to explain it to the nurses and the doctors at the hospital, but I don’t think they got it. They saw it as harmful, and probably fairly. In fact, the whole thing made me realize how futile group therapy would be for eating disorders. It can go wrong in so many ways! I’ve only had personal therapy so I can’t be sure of course, but it just feels suspicious. At least for me. I think that you have to be mostly in recovery to really be able to get any help from a group. I think that I might be able to, now - now that I’m mostly recovered. But of course it’s not something that’s available for me anymore. The EDs are not even in my diagnoses - not the main ones anyway. You’d have to dig pretty deep.

I guess this is what I wanted to get out. I’m not proud of my involvement in a thing like the pro ana movement, but I can’t fully bring myself to be sorry either. These things happen for a reason, and the reason was to keep me alive. I’m grateful for that.

It’s time to stop writing. My plants around me are telling me to wrap up the day, and they are right. I only need a shower and then I can fully relax. Thank you to anyone who read this, it’s a mess!

[lemonynuggets]

Hi man, i saw u r going through really bad stuff. Im sorry to hear all the shit u r needing to handle. I wish that things get better for u dude. There isn't much that i can do, but its okay to vent about it sometimes, u won't be a burden by doing it.

Also, u look really happy when talking about stuff u like, so if u want, can u talk about about ur favorites songs from your favorite artists :3

agh thank you <3 but I think it’s ok, I’ve been handling things better than I would like. Last year so! Progress yayy

with the school year being close to ending and some really big things happening in my life just next month (been planning since last year and my gods it’s so close) things will hopefully get better even if just for a few months!! Venting definitely has helped keep me sane too isnxiabzan

AUGH OK SO. Call me the music listener the way I listen to music. Kicks legs twirls hair shall we talk about AJR once again. I’m putting this under a cut for I talk a lot

Karma by AJR!!!! Dude this song. Absolutely evil of AJR to write it from the point of view of a patient in a therapy session talking to the doctor. Like what do you mean what? Am I normal or not? Am I crazier than other patients? /ly

Bonus points to this song because it’s from my favorite AJR album (neotheater) and it really just. Describes a lot how I feel sighh

the feeling of trying to be a good person everyday, doing your best, trying to help as much as you can and feeling like you get nothing in return, feeling awful despite trying to be so good… dude it really hurts…

and I can’t stress enough how much it being a therapy session makes it more brutal. The emotion on Jack’s voice, the way there not being a any lines from the therapist and you only hearing what the patient is saying makes it feel like the therapist really doesn’t get it you know

AND MUSICALLY SPEAKING ITS SUCH A GREAT SONG TOO, I really really love neotheater’s vibe and the instruments and the choir vocals and EVERYTHING it just feels so. Ethereal and kinda works to make it more emotional to me (stares at my neotheater inspired drawing I made some months ago… it pretty much describes the feeling I get when listening to this album plus some personal feelings (this album is so important to me))

I talk about the turning out trilogy, 2085 and honestly just. Every AJR song from the click forwards (not a big living room/infinity fan) but then I’d never stop aindwidba

and it’s impossible to talk about my favorite songs without talking about Love, Me Normally by Will Wood of course

This song is!! What the hell man it makes me so emotional, I can’t even sing it bc I’ll either start crying or performing to it and get kicked out of the building bc I’m screaming the lyrics too loud

Will Wood’s music is all so good and by gods is this song AMAZING, I’ll never get tired of Will’s lyrics and the instruments and the amount of emotion you can feel in his voice always get me so hard and this song specifically speaks so much to me, there are multiple parts of my identity that I struggle with that I feel are pictured in this song so it’s really special to me

as you might’ve guessed I’m a big music fan so it’s hard to pick favorites but these two songs are probably two of my favorites ever

I could talk about music I like forever but I’ll spare you naixbwkxna

[diaborodevil]

Manaless

Cysteria

Uh another one of these clowns

Yep ruinous a researcher rank soldier, magic element control

Hmmm you seem confident

I am I’m the one who will catch you, I’m the one who will strap you down, I’m the one who will CUT YOU OPEN AND SEE HOW YOU TICK

Are are you sane

SANE ENOUGH

*inhale exhale* enhance beast

Altair stat pomp gaseous

(Off in the distance)

Hmmm he’s fighting someone else he’ll probably win

Why do you say that

He’s clever he’s strong he’s a natural mage

He’s a halfling

He’s the strongest mage I’ve seen

(Back to Carlos)

Uh how are you so fast

I’m made of the elements I am there master

Doesn’t mean you’ll win

Altair stat prisine plasma

Rahhh

Altair stat riscus liquid

Ughhh ughhh that was new don’t like that ugh

(Kyle and Herry)

Why why do they always chase him

He’s been doing this for awhile he must have a large bounty

Why why do they all have bounties why do they need bounties

Who

Beasts why do beasts need bounties they tell us there dangerous but have you seen them hurt anyone

There there ambominations there an afront against the great fathers there no longer human

My mom a beast one of my best friends a beast my life it’s full of beasts that’s why we need to catch Carlos he has answers

(Back to Carlos)

Your finished and soon I’ll have the answers I need altair stat oricalcum solid

No your finished

*tunk bzzzzzzzzzttttttttt*

Aughhhhhhh

Fool don’t use an electric arm and metal arm at the same time

(Kyle and herry)

He did it what did I expect I knew he’d win

How

I haven’t seen him lose yet

How are we gonna catch him Kyle KYLE

(Back to Carlos)

AUGGHHHHHH

What is that wait k Kyle and fast ahhhhh

Enough running it’s time to fight I need answers

Let me give you them

No you won’t all you do is run away before you can tell me anything so we need to fight igneus kris

(Carlos and Kyle fought dodgeing each other as both volcanos erupt Kyle with burning blade and Carlos with enhanced fists)

Ugh you got a hit on me

Yes and another and another

No more holding back *inhale exhale inhale exhale* enhance beast beast of origin guardians claw

*inhale exhale* cocytus flow phlegethon ripple dual river strike

Luminous comet strike

Uh that that hurts

Yep new moves do that

Could you answer my questions now

Yep I have nothing to do so ask away

Can you really truly talk to beasts

Everyone can talk to beast but I can understand them I know what they say I’ve always been able to hear them

Huh maybe you can interpret for me and my mom hah do you think you could allow me to just talk to her and listen

No I don’t know how to do that

That’s expected so what’s it like

What is what like

You know being what you are

Doesn’t feel strange but that’s because this is how it’s always been

Ah what was up with 7th worst day

Day one was my awakening people found out what I was

Okay got it

Two through six was each time I failed to save a beast sara, nython, Priscilla ughhh so many times hopefully I don’t fail again

So so many times what were you trying to achieve

I was looking for a place my dad told me about a place where beasts and humans live in harmony

Why why do you go searching for a place that may not exist

It’s all I got look at me I’m a freak and the beast I can do is help other freaks

I I wish I could join you

I will try to learn a way I promise to help you have a conversation with your mother

Thanks you should probably get going

Yeah I’m almost caught up to tyrus

I forgot about your horse

Welp see yeah

Later

Hey Kyle you around here

Yep I’m on the ground

You okay

I don’t think I can continue

What do you mean

I don’t think I can be a state mage anymore

What about Catherine

What about catherine we can’t do anything to help her

What are you saying

I quit being a state mage only Carlos can help her and I’m no longer interfering I’ll see you herry

Kyle no no don’t go

(At the edge of cysteria)

Hmmm the halfling is long gone that’s disappointing I was hoping to put an end to his terror what do you say ori

We’re young bobow we got all the time to catch that miscreant

Don’t call me bobow and we shouldn’t be spending time on a miscreant

Okay bobowski I know your just upset that you lost a promising student

He made his choice I just can’t wait to put this behind us

[the-beeez-kneeez]

1:59am

writing is the only thing keeping me sane i think- i’ve come to a point where i am at a crossroads, i’ve always had emotions as tall as skyscrapers n deep as the ocean. i crave love, intimacy, devotion but thinking of getting it from just anyone means nothing to me. i’ve always been such a hopeless romantic and i’ve grown comfortable in the hopeless part, never any expectations just assumptions that nothing will last and it’s not actually out there. i am not easily hurt but when it hurts it aches, my blood flows pricking my skin like needles.

on the other hand being a hopeful romantic might just get me killed. everytime i go into something with a pure heart and open mind i get devoured. i’ve trusted time and time again and all i’ve gotten in return was to be left alone feeling unwanted, disgusted with myself, wondering why i wasn’t good enough-

again

i just want to love and be loved, i don’t want to have to worry about not being enough i should know i am everything and more for the person i’m meant for. i want a genuine, down to earth, honest, real connection. i’m not asking for it to be easy i just finally want someone that’s willing to grow and heal w me. i’m not perfect but i don’t want perfection i want something real something unconditional or i’ll spend the rest of my life giving my love to animals and people who need it. i don’t need romance to be happy i have enough love to hopefully make some people feel a little less alone..

but damn would it be nice to find my other half n just be homies in love

i wanna puke

[tabby-shieldmaiden]

I do want to write more work with SEAsian characters. SEAsian Shonen with Women* sounds like it will have an audience too. But well, at times I wonder what it would mean to like, write something in a genre that is mostly made out of escapist work written by white or Japanese men, primarily targeting boys, and have the players be SEAsian women. Being escapist work, a lot of it would have a lot of very banally racist and misogynist assumptions present in the work that the people producing it did not think too critically about. A lot of it would have epistemologies which warrant criticisms and would require one think about if they want to write something in a similar genre.

So I know I will have to be able to think critically about what tropes I’m using. I want to write something that is truly rooted and informed in better things. Hence why I do want to read more about what to be mindful for. I need these tools if I want to do better.

But I also worry if I may overstep sometimes. I want to read more history and sociology and political writing relevant to the region, mostly for my own understanding and for me to know how to be a better activist and leftist. And also, again, for the tools. I think becoming a better activist will inevitably colour my writing. I have a difficult time trying to phrase out how I want my relationship between being an activist and being a writer to be. It’s like, what I hope to become is activist first and writer second. But like, I do still find that writing is something I feel is really important to me? It keeps me sane and helps me to make sense of things and provides me with a voice when I as a person have always had a difficult time communicating to others what’s on my mind. And because that’s how it works I will inevitably write the things that are on my mind.

But I do think like. I need to know when I may be overstepping. Especially since the countries which have produced most works that you could call Shonen (USA, Japan) have complex histories with the region, I do feel that, and especially especially with what kind of SEAsian I am (Chinese Singaporean), I should be mindful of like, when I may be trying to tell stories which are not mine to tell? Like, which aspects I should hold off from turning into a story, because it’s not something that’s my place to write about.

I guess the only way to remedy this is to just keep learning. Learn as much as I can about the region and beyond and try to be respectful of people always. Still try and do activist work in real life. Keep an open mind and be receptive to criticisms. Stay humble, basically. And hopefully what I will produce will be good, and I’ll be able to do good work in real life too.

*using “Shonen” here to mean action-adventure story with obvious SFF elements.

[rosenallies]

Based on how you present yourself, I get a feeling you’re not a particularly confrontational person but is there anyway you could tell her to stop being weird as fuck? Like when she says these things maybe ask her “im not sure why you think that would be appropriate to say around children, but could we get back to the task on hand?”

I’m not a confrontational person ur right but I just kind of gave her a look like are u fucking serious ?? And she just laughed and said making jokes is how she gets through her day like okay that’s fine but do they have to be dick jokes? I also love to joke around at work, sometimes giggling with my teammates during the regular school day is the only thing keeping all of us sane but we always keep the inappropriate jokes behind closed doors where there’s no one under 18😭 if she does it again tomorrow I’ll say something but we’re moving on to letter E so hopefully she won’t have any jokes for that one