#and honestly i dont even know what to answer bc honestly its usually more like i dont dislike it enough to change my life to stop playing it

[aroaceofthesea]

Sometimes playing the trumpet just feels so good and i remember. ah. this is why i still play it

[the-s1lly-corner]

Platonic tadc cast with a child reader Who is like :

"hey, wanna see me do a cartwheel :D"

Basically very spontaneous and chaotic in the adventures lol

Ty!! (and remember to drink water) ;3

TADC cast x chaotic!kid!reader ! (Platonic)

Guys I'm literally so tired I just got done baking a ton of stuff, like I'm talking 12ish hours of non stop cooking and baking I'm going insane im trying so hard not to fall asleep rn because I kinda. Feel bad for not really answering requests today

Anywahs

Hope you enjoy anon!

Written on mobile

CAINE:

Well well how the turn tables (writing caines portion last for once)

Very similar to kinger and ragatha in that he supports everything you do; in fact he encourages your behavior as long as no one is getting hurt. Very loudly (and sometimes obnoxiously) cheers for you

While kinger can only cheer and clap, I think Caine sets off sparkles and fireworks... probably has a whole group of bubbles cheering you on too , assuming there can be multiple bubbles at any given time (I personally think there can be, and they all share a hivemind of sorts)

So what was the occasion that prompted that?

A wonky cartwheel, of which you excited called "a sideways front flip"

(Fun fact from the admin, I called my first cartwheel that bc I didnt know it was called a cartwheel yet)

POMNI:

Anxious parental figure and hyper child, a dynamic that's hit or miss at least for me. Really it depends on how its executed

That said I think she struggles to keep up with you

Constantly scrambling around you make sure you dont fall into any danger. Literally and figuratively...

Her attempts to get you to sit down for more than five minutes fail

Your ass is failing the marshmallow test/j

RAGATHA:

No thoughts only that one clip from adventure time where BMO pretends to be a wheathervane before trying to nose dive off the roof, all while calling for finns attention. Thats you and ragatha, basically (in essence, not exact scenario though)... maybe zooble too, but we'll get there when we get there (I am currently having a brain blast)

Says things like "what am I gonna do with you" everyday, always lightheartedly of course and usually accompanied by a tired chuckle

Generally very supportive of you though, just so long as you're not hurting yourself! Sure, this is the digital world and injuries dont really stick, but still! The pain is still there

JAX:

I mentioned the marshmallow test in pomnis part and I feel like jax would do something similar with you. Except the test is rigged and the candy (which he uses in place of the marshmallow( is actually for him and not for you. So if you actually earn the extra candy you dont even get it

That said I do think jax would feel bad when you get upset about the joke

Anyways

I think he finds it funny, as long as you're not tugging on his overalls and screaming at him for something, or interfering with his plans

Hes not a neglectful rolemodel/familial figure, he just has a short fuse with the above I think, regardless of who it is, kid or not

That said he fully embraces your spontaneous nature

KINGER:

Peepaw and his grandchild, that's it that's literally the dynamic

"Kinger is only 48-"

Hush♡

"Oh that's so lovely, (reader)" when you run up to him with your hands full of god knows what

Eagerly claps and cheers when you show him a new trick you learned

Bonus if you try to recreate or one up his embellished stories in order to make him proud of you (hes always proud of you)

ZOOBLE:

As mentioned in ragathas part, the wheathervane BMO thing is basically in essence you guys' dynamic. Except where I think ragatha would be quicker to pay attention to you, zooble may be a little slower. Not because they dont care about whatever you're trying to display to them, but because I think a lot of the times they kind of mentally check out (me too honestly)

Tries to scold you if you do something too dangerous or out of line, may come across as way angrier or upset than they actually are though thanks to their voice being kinda

You know

Zooble gives off "cool older sibling who doesnt care about nothing" energy

GANGLE:

Meekly tries to get you to calm down for a few minutes, especially if theres an IHA going on because she doesnt want you to run off and potentially get hurt. Tries to keep you occupied with arts and crafts. Watches in horror as you impulsively eat the glue

Tends to wrap one of her ribbon hands around yours so she knows you're not running off.. this is more so when theres an IHA going on

As per usual not many ideas for gangle <\3

[definitelynotshouting]

fic writer interview!

shamelessly yoinking from @karliahs bc this looks fun as hell to do :]

How many works do you have on AO3?

32 fics total, between my main and rough draft pseud!! which feels like a really small amount, honestly-- i think my private WIPs list is MUCH higher 😂😂😂😂 if we're counting my very first (and very abandoned) ao3 acct too, then that number is bumped up to 35!!

What's your total AO3 word count?

163,211, and a good 65k of that was written this year somehow??? according to my statistics ._. lowkey crazy to think about

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

paid for it with all of my blood (BNHA | 8,452)

at times so self destructive (BNHA | 4,554)

lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE | 3,618)

or we can just have conversation (MSA | 1,834)

the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA | 1,609)

if youve been following me since my bnha fics in 2018 you deserve a veteran's discount

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to answer every single comment i got, honestly, unless it came by years after i posted it-- the only reason i dont as much anymore is because it gets REALLY overwhelming for me to respond to everyone after the initial barrage 😅😅 the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak etc etc. but i do read every comment and appreciate them SO SO MUCH, and whenever i find one particularly moving or want to just reassure people im still working on something i'll respond to those :]

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

not counting the wips that just never got finished and left off before their main shit could resolve, id say at times so self destructive (BNHA)-- i mean i LITERALLY ended it with izuku potentially dying 😭😭😭😭

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

tbh i dont think i write happy endings so much as i write hopeful, bittersweet, or open-ended ones-- i tend to like catharsis more than fluff when it comes down to it. but out of my fluff fics i think honey it's starting to storm (HC) is one of the genuinely sweetest ive written. my runner-ups on that would probably be when the smoke does finally pass (TMA) and or we could just have conversation (MSA) :]

Do you write crossovers?

not typically, and ive never published any, but i am definitely not immune to them 😂😂😂😂 i think my most niche crossover ive actually written (never to see the light of day) was a Nine Lives of Chloe King and Supernatural fic that was the definition of self-indulgent rot. only a little less niche than that was a Mortal Instruments and Supernatural crossover (theres a running theme here lol) lying in snippets on an ancient google doc in my oldest gmail acct. reread that one recently and its shockingly coherent for being written in like. 2016. id even call it decent (though theres a lot id change up if i were writing it now)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

idk if it'd be considered hate but once i wrote a fic inspired by someone else's when i was very new to ao3, let them know (i didnt know about the "inspired by" option back then), and they got mad at me in my comments section because in their words, "its better than mine" 😭😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥💥

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

YOU COULD SAY THAT

as for what kind, honestly whatever strikes my fancy-- usually character/relationship studies, or just a fun focus on character intimacy. love 2 be asexual<3 love 2 write asexual sex<3

i had a discussion with my qpp recently about how in all honesty the smut i write is pretty tame, its just the character emotions written behind it that makes it feel a bit deranged. smth smth scarian is a chemical explosion. u understand

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!!!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeppers!! the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA) received a translation to Russian, which i always found a bit funny because rawgabbitry is. one of my least favorite works ive ever written, if only for the type of comments it tended to receive back in the day 😭😭😭😭

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

ive never managed it honestly-- i get a bit precious about my process, which can make it hard to collaborate on that level. but its something ive always wanted to grow enough as a writer to try :]

What's your all-time favorite ship?

not so much of a singular OTP type of guy as i have favorite pairings per fandom im in-- that being said rn its scarian :P

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

pretty much all of my dsmp wips honestly. i may surprise myself someday, but for now i just have zero urge to actually finish any of them

What are your writing strengths?

like my pal karliahs im gonna rip these from the comments ive received 😅😅😅 but id definitely say imagery is my strongest skill!! i have a very strong imagination, and tend to see fic scenes as movie scenes in my head which i then transcribe into written format. id like to say im also really skilled at characterization and realistic dialogue that captures character voices very well!! and frankly i just love emotional realism so much i cant NOT write it, its always leaking into everything i do

What are your writing weaknesses?

i tend to get a little too funky and abstract with my descriptions sometimes-- that can work for some scenes, but grounding everything so that it feels more real and makes actual sense to the reader is something i often have to do on the second, third, and final passes

also to every person who has to crack open a thesaurus to understand what i write, i am so fucking sorry😭💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts beyond if its not a language you're proficient in you should probably get that checked over by a native speaker, just in case :P

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fairy tail..... ff.net was a dark place

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

crying sobbing wailing as i desperately beg my brain to start writing that post-canon siffrin and odile relationship study. unfortunately i dont think i can have more than one longfic on my docket at a time so it shrimply must wait

What's your favorite fic you've written?

to the surprise of absolutely nobody, i'd have say lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE) :]

No obligation, but im tagging: @raichett, @kayawolfhorse, @boonbeenblade, @sillyfairygarden, and @grimfey !!! And anyone else who wants to do this ofc :]]]❤️❤️❤️❤️

[nothinginthisworldbelongstome]

hi im rose!

just started this blog so i need to fix it up all nice and pretty but honestly idk when that might happen lol

FRIENDLY anons/asks and dms very welcome! i love talking and meeting new people!

taken by my wonderful girlfriend, @dilliedallieallie , the actual most beautiful amazing girl in the worldddd

just a reminder, bc sometimes people forget and treat me like im just one thing- I AM A SWITCH. that means i want to and enjoy BOTH domming and subbing, and i cant do just one all the time, it burns me out. that might be different for other people, but this is how it works for me. i need as close to 50/50 as i can get, 70/30 works too.

more about me under the cut!

i just turned 19 aug 4th! she/her lesbian

men, terfs, bigots, any shitty people, and minors fuck off i will block u

im very switchy, will dom or sub whatever u need baby 😘

im more comfortable topping, and i loveeee bringing u pleasure, but it would be nice to have someone who desired me as much as i did them, even if im not yet comfortable receiving that attention lol

ive only been in 1 relationship online and never have even kissed anyone before, but ive been on nsfw tumblr for a while

i dont consider myself super femme but im definitely not masc/butch. i like jewelry and flowery clothes tho lol. i kinda just wear things and i dont have a super distinctive style. im mostly attracted to femmes but for me attraction usually comes from the face and personality, generally not style, if anyone cares lmao

im 5'7, i have brown hair and blue-green eyes, and im plus size, if any of that matters to yall

kinks:

praise praise praise. i love telling u how good ur doing for me and also i wanna be someones good girl

pretty girls telling me what to do hehe i love that

pet namessss ugh pet names. i use them SO much so if u dont like it let me know (but it will be so hard for me to stop ngl i fucking love pet names)

also call ME pet names and ill fall in love with u its so soft and sweettt ahhhh

anything that will bring you pleasure. when u tell me that turned u on/made u wet that turns me on sooo much

mommy kinkkkkk! call me mommy or let me call u mommy pretty girl

VOICESSS FUCKING VOICESS i have a hugeeee voice kink. make all ur pretty noises for me baby u sound so good

grindinggg i love grinding. yes bounce on my leg sweet thing

light pet play. like ill call u puppy/bunny/kitten, collars are hot, but not much more than that and im not a pet. no cages or anything more hardcore than that really

pulling my hairrr yes babygirl pull my hair while i eat u out

consensual somnophilia i love the idea of knowing someone trusts u enough to let u do whatever u want to them while theyre sleeping

MARKINGSSS ugh theyre so hot. ive veryyyy possessive i want u to be MINE if im into u. so yes marks are so hot. giving AND being given

also reciprocal possessiveness??? jesus christ sign me up. im urs and ur mine and now im in love

theres probably more but this is all i can think of right now

also even tho i dont personally enjoy something or dont have it in my likes, feel free to ask! im generally very open to trying things at least once. and some of the things i dont really care for i dont mind doing a little bit if its something my partner wanted! communication is key <3

LIMITS

heavy degradation/humiliation and stuff like that. i dont like being really mean it makes me feel bad. i will however tease u until ur begging me to let u cum <3

also dont be mean at all in any way to me ill cry

rapeplay/kidnapping or anything nonconsensual like that it makes me feel bad

any terms like daddy/cock/dick. big turn off for me

anal/butt stuff

any bodily fluids other than cum gross me out sorry

feet. u can do whatever u want with mine ig but i dont like urs no thanks

send asks and dms!! i crave interaction

CLOSING REMARKS

idrk what else to say here. if u read all this u get a cookie ig lol

feel free to ask ANYTHING im an open book and will *probably* answer honestly lol

k love u bye! mwah!

[harlequinoccult]

ok well w that answer to my last ramble i hope you won't mind me coming back and rambling MORE-

the thing with Ariel "Vulpine" Fox (remember i said he has a Thing w foxes? his surname might have smth to do w that) is that, at his core, he is not a character that really fits into the vibes of slsq. and i love putting my ocs into Situations where they Do Not Really Fit In, because it forces me to think outside the box and go "ok, but what if they find themselves in that Situation anyway? how do i work with that while still keeping their character mostly intact?". and the mix of slsq and Vulpine is just * chefs kiss * especially delicious to me, bc Ariel always had a few screws loose, but he's always been a bit too level-headed to really lean into his innate madness, and slsq gives me the opportunity to really fuck with him and i love that-

Ariel's whole Thing is really that he's the perfect vigilante character. he would never make the profile of a serial killer. a killer, yes, oh he has no problem with killing you see, but it's usually done with some greater objective in mind. even in slsq im sure he's going to be extremely picky with his victims. the thing that really sets him off and makes him believe Murder Is Ok is injustice. because unfortunately for him, Ari has an unparalleled amount of empathy, which causes him to make some... contradictory decisions during his life. really, it all depends on who has earned his wrath. he will never kill poor people or people in need, in fact he usually goes out of his way to help them every single time, but put a cop in front of him and they're going to have the most slow, painful, cruel death possible.

there might be exceptions to the "no killing poor ppl/ppl in need" rule tho, if the person in question is an abuser who does nothing but inflict suffering on others and poison the local community with their toxicity. funnily enough, Carter fits the profile of Ariel's victims fucking perfectly, im honestly still thinking of a reason why he didn't kill Carter sooner other than "he didn't have enough time to do it". other people he'll definitely go after is the rich and corrupt politicians, which, not the best decisions for his anonymity or his safety, but if he's gonna get killing you bet your ass he'll try to cause some form of change while at it.

another thing he hates, has always hated and always will, is abuse of authority (which is why in his mind a good cop is always a dead cop). he has a general problem w authority even without the abusing part, especially hates when he's stripped of his autonomy and forced to do smth against his will (he IMMEDIATELY hates The Host on principle, and its going to get worse from here). he's always been a brat over being ordered around, even if he HAS to do what he's being told to do he's going to do it HIS way and fuck you if you have a problem w that. what matters is that he got the job done, isnt it? (i genuinely dont know how Carter managed to put up w him, those two together is a TERRIBLE mix)

most of all this does have to do w how he grew up, really. Ari is cannonically british (by which i mean, in my head he has a rlly subtle posh british accent that gets stronger the angrier he gets, which is even funnier to me bc the angrier he gets the more he swears and it usually involves a lot of FOCK and FOCKIN' and BLOODY being thrown around. like i get why OD would enjoy riling him up i rlly do-) which doesn't rlly have that much impact into his slsq story bc im not british and ik nothing abt britain but he is an immigrant and that's a lil bit important. to me. anyway-

he grew up in a very poor, very religious community somewhere in monarchy land (england), and was an extremely difficult, some would even say demonic, child. he's always had anger issues but it was MUCH worse when he was little (growing up he learns to deal w them to the point that getting him actually, truly angry without touching on what triggers him is extremely hard. good luck OD, his reaction to your annoying ass is mostly gonna be a sigh and a twitch of his fingers). his religious trauma, unlike w OD, has nothing to do w surviving catholic school (he went to a public school, somehow managed to be a massive nerd AND a delinquent at the same time, always had the highest notes of his class and was still despised by the teachers for being "disrespectful") and more w growing up surrounded by extremely religious people and realizing quite soon that praying did nothing to help w the systematic oppression they all were being crushed by. it only got worse when he started questioning the teachings of the church, growing more frustrated as he tried to get his peers to "see reason", and finally lost all hope when he went through his second exorcism (first one happened whem he was still very small, which im sure didn't fuck him up in any way whatsoever). has never entered a church since then, still knows some prayers that were burned into his brain and he can't forget no matter how hard he tries, genuinely believes that god never existed and if he did then he's fucking dead, and has a fascination w satanic symbols to this day that will probably never go away.

he had a somewhat mixed reputation growing up. in his tween years, he used the fact that he was considered "demonic" when little to scare and fuck with people who otherwise might have caused him problems. he got into constant fights in his childhood and his teen years, both because bullies would wrongly assume he'd be an easy target and then get punched and bitten and scratched until they cried, or because he was trying to protect someone else from being bullied. soon figured out that just not engaging unless someone else threw the first punch was a good way to de-escalate situations and keep him from getting in too much trouble (since he wouldn't be the one who "started it"), which was what made him begin to develop his stoic attitude. he started learning to control his anger because the people he wanted to protect were scared of him bc of his tendency to lash out, and because he realized that being in control of his emotions meant that he would fuck up less in high stress situations and make it easier to calm the people around him as well.

he got in constant trouble w the local authorities, being continuously searched and brought into the police station for a p big list of petty crimes (vandalism, theft, underage drinking, drug use, trespassing, public indecency, etc), but noticed that he was treated much more leniently than his POC friends who did much less shit than he did. which was also when his hatred for cops solidified.

life wasn't easy on him. he did a lot of questionable shit to get by, and he knows a lot of people in the same situations as him, so his morals are extremely gray as a consequence of it. he's not going to judge you for doing a bad. everyone does what they can to survive and survival is not a noble thing. he's extremely lenient w things that most ppl find unacceptable, and has a very clear understanding in his mind that everything is situational. which is why murder can be ok, and cannibalism can be ok, and any number of horrible things humans do can be justifiable and acceptable no matter what society says.

so he's not going to judge anyone on the cast of slsq for doing the things they do if they can justify it. but i can also very clearly see him killing the ones that do it just for the sake of it. with one exception: he will never murder the one he loves.

which is why i am sooooo excited to pair him up w OD, the one that kills p much without discrimination, and watch all the loopholes he forms in his mind to try and justify to himself why he's turning a blind eye to someone killing innocent people. he might try to nudge OD into having a smidge more of a standard, but if OD threatens to leave bc of it or gets too annoyed he's dropping it in a second. who knows, maybe OD is the one who might be able to convince him to drop the good guy "act" instead. who needs morals when you have love amirite?

i wouldn't say Vulpine is a yandere (there's too much effort to make sure that he and his loved one(s) are equals in every possible way for that i think), but with the borderline unhealthy, undying, nearly desperate devotion he develops for the ppl he falls for i think it's a pretty close thing tbh. he would do anything for his lover. anything. and he expects nothing in return. he just wants them to be happy, no matter what.

anyway uuuuhh there's so much more i can say abt Vulpine, i didnt even touch on his relationship w substance abuse or when he got arrested or his family, but this is already enormous, so have some specific slsq stuff instead (all of this is p much slsq specific tbh, Ari's backstory changes a lot depending on what story i decide to put him next, but some plot beats and traumas always stay the same): his mask of choice is similar to Cold's, a blank black mask, and his weapon of choice is a hunting knife. his specialty is informant (i was very tempted to make him a jack of all trades, bc one of his main characteristics is his adaptability, but i could NEVER envision him accepting doing that much for Carter. he would rather die), as mentioned previously his personality type is going to be apathetic w a side of caustic (still dont know if that's the right name but oh well), his clothing style is punk and practical and he wore ripped jeans for this bc he didn't know what he was getting himself into and he's soooo mad he didn't wear his cargo pants instead. he's actually kinda similar to Cold when it comes to superficial personality traits (stays quiet and observant most of the time, stealth killer, has a whole thing going on w shadows and anonymity and the mask, also exudes a intimidating aura that often scares people and gives him negative charisma. another reason he's not a jack of all trades is bc he'd make for an AWFUL bait)

and when in deep romance, if OD keeps trying to annoy him, he'll just kiss them to shut them up. it might just end up encouraging that kind of behavior long therm, but it works as a short therm solution so he doesn't rlly care-

(pt 1.)

Oh there is so much I could say that would veer into major spoilers for Overdose's route and beyond.

The Caustic personality is cynical, bitter, and sarcastic. Aggressive options will be separate and compatible with every personality type (aggressive doormats have been...interesting to write. imagine the most neurotic chihuahua-)

And concerning mc and Carter....there aren't a lot of job opportunities in Newcreed that aren't y'know, soul crushing drudgery, no matter what your relationship with Carter was, it was enough to pay rent if mc lived alone, or enough to afford necessities if they lived with the bastard.

And getting into Newcreed itself, The city is rotten. Crime rate is so high and the mayor doesn't do shit, the police don't do shit and the roads are fucked, but hey, expansive public transit and rent is low as hell. A lot of people immigrate to Newcreed (Cold and Sweetheart and his family are examples of this) because its a cheap place to live and the barriers for employment are little to none.

[ghoulishcraving]

on the theme of queerbaiting and hannibal i have OPINIONS and idk how well ill be able to express them on writing and in english but here we go

i get why some call it queerbaiting, and, although, i myself consider it canon, HEAR ME OUT

I'm going first to put the example of a real life artist, yoongi, from bts, this guy has consistently answered to questions like "what's your ideal woman" by saying "a person like...." or even saying things like "the gender doesnt matter much to me, it's the personality.....", has lyrics on his songs like "either a girl or a guy I'll make you come with my tongue....", and even said on a radio show years ago that he liked "the macho type" in guys, but he is still not considered queer by the general audience, he is not queer, except to queer fans like myself, bc we see that and obviously that means the man is not straight but to the general public, to the straight public he never said explicitly that he is gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer, anything so he is "not gay".

because the thing about queer identities is that they will be denied as long as there is the slimmest chance to do it, as long as there is not a direct rotund answer.

that happens with hannibal, it doesnt matter how obvious is, because there isn't an explicit acceptance or declaration of queerness and there isn't an explicit kiss or sex scene or confession between will and hannibal.

and that is something that we do not realise as much because of the niche audience it has, but if this show blew up, and its audience reached a more general audience we would see the denial of hannigram everywhere.

because even on the "is hannibal in love with me?" we do not get a rotund yes, we get a metaphora, a rephrasal, a reinterpretation, that can be interpreted as platonic. as a platonic obsession.

because even when both actors wanted a kiss it didnt happen it stayed platonic

and what confirmed for me this idea was the treatment of margot and alana's relationship.

we have a show, about the fbi, about a serial killer about violence (traditionally directed to men) protagonized by two very attractive men (usually done to attract a women audience), that plays onto queer topics spectacularly and has a blatantly obvious queer story (for queer people) but it's not a romance, and they never explicitly portray both men as queer, the only (explicit) relationships they are shown having is with other women (therefore not risking the lose of interest or hate from a straight audience that wants to be/men the protagonist or desires them/women) but the moment they introduce a lesbian couple we dont even see how they get together, we barely see anything about them as a couple but we do have a sex scene, wich would be something liked by a straight men audience, ignored by a straight women audience, and liked by a queer audience (confirming the queerness of the show) but without risking the proclaim of the two protagonists.

I hope this makes sense, and I know what fuller says and that the man just need a bit of cheering to write and post hannigram porn on his social media but honestly for me, what a creator, producer or actor post on their socials do not count bc it's not on the show, and again it allows deniability, it isn't canon

most of this is basically how I see the show translates onto a publicity and commercial sense, I myself consider hannigram as completely canon but still I'll always say that not putting a kiss on screen had nothing to do with the purity of the bond, or the complexity of their relationship and more to do with its marketing and the possibility of losing audience over it.

although in the end the audience of this show is the queerest I've seen hajfjdbnrnf

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello cas! how are you?

i just wanted to ask something, i dont know, maybe have a little validation? im not sure

i have and regularly use a tumblr blog, and im an active ao3 author who will often project onto characters, both because its easier to write what i know and also because it makes for good storytelling. theres one thing though that i never talk about, not on my blog and not in my writing, but i feel like i should be?

i dont remember the silly medical word for it, but theres some condition on my dad's side of the family where weve got a higher chance of going blind, and usually earlier in life than most. my aunt has it, my grandfather had it, my older brother has it, and i have it. i didnt know my grandfather bc he died before i was born, but i know it only started affecting my aunt a little into her 50s, though it was much earlier for me and my brother (hes 27 and has about 50% of his vision, and im 20 and have about 70%, and for both of us what we have is also very blurred)

again, its not really something i talk about. ive been learning braille for when the inevitable comes (so far ive learned the alphabet and common conjunctions i can expect, so now im moving onto becoming more comfortable and confident feeling it all out) and honestly im pretty okay about it. its not that ive given up, im just... neutral? i have my peace with it. im working with what ive got or whatever, i dunno

but i feel like i should be... doing something with it? like, sharing my experience or using my writing to create representation. im always reading about people projecting their disabilities onto characters (especially remus, in place of his lycanthropy in muggle aus) like deafness, or epilepsy, or chronic pain, or migraines, but i rarely read about blind characters/sight impaired characters, and i just wonder like... should i be writing that? should i be doing something?

i dont know if this even makes sense haha. i just feel some sort of obligation to talk about it, but especially because i already project onto my characters with my mental health issues etc it almost feels like id also be writing about myself *too* much? it feels like theres no winning

im also sort of nervous that if i *did* bring it up on my blog now, that people might think im just making it up or something because ive never mentioned it before. i also dont know everything about it, and if people asked me something i didnt have an answer to, im afraid of that too. as though just because im losing my vision i should know every single thing there is to know about blindness. its silly and i know that, but it still makes me nervous to talk about it after all this time

Hi! <3

I understand why you feel this way, but please know that you don't owe anyone anything just because you have a disability. You're not obligated to be an activist or educator, in any way, shape, or form. There are plenty of aspects of my life I choose not to talk about and boundaries I draw when it comes to talking about my life on tumblr, and that's okay! Nobody who is part of a group that needs representation has to be the person to create that representation. For example, while I work to create trans representation in my writing, I choose not to address a lot of my childhood trauma. Sure, I could write about having a parent who is an addict, but I choose not to, and that's a choice I'm allowed to make, just as you are!

However, if you DO choose to talk about it and someone accuses you of faking? 1. Ew. Block them. 2. Send them to me. That's horrible and they need to be yelled at.

Naming you validation anon

[plumdonutsv]

hi!! i saw ur post abt fom :]

i hope u dont mind if i structure this like a point by point answer to questions u put in ur tags <3

i feel like im playing the game right. unlike stardew, fields of mistria doesnt make me feel bad for not using every second of the day. i think fom has a nice balance between easy and not too easy

i kinda feel like im going slow and fast at the same time? time during the day passes in a blink of an eye but when i look at the calendar im like still halfway through the season. idk how to feel abt it yet

my time management is so bad 😭😭 im terribly forgetful so i'd like set a goal for the day and a second later i'd be like "wait what" but i dont usually mind cuz i dont feel rushed by the game at all which i really appreciate. i think that mistria places a huge emphasis of getting to know the people and i love that

i like a LOT about the game: the soundtrack (especially the mines music), the aesthetics, character sprites art, environment art, the art in general, i LOVE the characters so much, it feels like everyone has their own thing but you can't tell all of the stuff they're about immediately i think? like i didn't realize Holt made toys until i saw his station in his house, i love environmental storytelling <33 honestly i love that most of them are so kind to you, it's the kind of game i personally needed. i love that the combat is not a clicker and that u gotta watch how the monsters act to figure out the best way to defeat them, i love the set up, i love that the earthquake has lingering consequences on the town and the community. it's a lot of fun <33 ofc i have some criticizms too and stuff to improve but im too tired rnfjsndbd

OH AND THE LORE!!! i need to know more about mistria's lore. especially the magic and all that stuff thats goin on in the mines

i love all of the characters fr, my fav love interesrs are Ryis and Adeline. Ryis is just so sweet and kind and gorgeous, he loves birds, he's from a family of bakers, he has family with a lot of sisters in the capital that send him care packages with cookies, HE LOVES BIRDS (<- it was the thing that had me like "you're the one"bfjsnhdsnbd) just a disney princess type of guy

Adeline just got me in her palms and i'm not even sure why or how exactly yet but all i know is that i walk around her like a puppyfjsnbd she's such a nerd and i adore her, she loves doing paperwork and calls it a "party", she is the heir to the land and she loves taking care of it and its people but forgets to take care of herself and im just like *biggest wettest eyes at her* also pink hair. oh mh god

and like i think all of the other townies are so cool. I love the kids, theyre the cutest and i love seeing them around town doing their thing. i love that we have different models of families like. man i'm so excited for more stuff in this game

i'd love to chat mistria with u if you'd like to <33 and i'd love to know what u think :D

have a good dayyyy

omg thanks for your response!! i feel like i relate to many things you said. i haven't played a farming sim before bc i didn't think i would like it. since i would prefer games w some kind of story or lore, i didn't think this game would be for me. really, i had no idea what to expect in the game

i feel like i'm also going slow and fast while playing! the day goes by so so quickly but i also feel like maybe i'm not doing enough. sometimes i'm thinking "why are my crops growing so slowly please grow faster!!!" but then i'm surprised w how quickly they grow. i get up and see my tomatoes and corn ready to be harvested. but for the most part, i feel like i'm going at it too slow. i'm almost done w summer but i just got magic

i relate to what you said about time management. there are some items on a task that i just couldn't find so i do another task. then i just entirely forget to search for that item (like i cannot find seaweed still). then literally TODAY i was in the mines for too long and had to rush home. the next in-game day i went to the mines earlier in the day to not make the same mistake.

the music in the game is amazing! i find myself humming along while playing or humming when i'm doing something else. i'm surprised that i even remember how the music goes. i've played totk for a bit but i can't remember a single song. i love how everyone has different seasonal outfits. i really like how celine has a different outfit in the early morning. (idk if other characters have a different outfit at that time i can't remember). i'm glad i could play the game bc i'm gonna be moving back to school soon and this would be a nice way to take a break from coursework.

i also like how most of the characters are nice to your farmer. i just cannot pick one favorite character. it's too hard for me to bc they are all so lovely 😭. i agree that the kids are cute! i try to give luc a bug each time i see him.

one of the things that i don't like so much is that there is only one place to save. i can't remember if there are other places to save

[roseworth]

what was jason like as robin? like personality wise and behavioral wise?

I've seen a lot of fanon stuff that really contradicts canon, but also some stuff in canon that contradicts other canon. I'm just curious to know what the most accurate idea of robin!jason is

tbh there isnt really an easy answer to this!! theres no completely accurate interpretation bc nothing in comics is allowed to be simple </3 (also before i continue id like to add a little disclaimer that ive never read any pre-crisis robin jason SORRY so this is all based on post-crisis)

i honestly think that we've all overcorrected by saying that jason was just a sweet little ray of sunshine during his robin years bc thats not really accurate :( he wasnt the Angry Robin that a lot of comics say he was but he wasnt constantly happy

really he was only harsher (harsh isnt really the right word but i cant think of a good word to describe it) in the beginning and in the end of his time as robin bc when he was starting out he was kinda coming to terms with everything (not to mention like his second arc was finding out that two-face murdered his father #lol) so it wasnt easy for him

then in the end (it was all starlin's fault but for the sake of this post we're gonna look at this from a watsonian perspective) he was getting more comfortable with bruce & alfred so he was able to mourn his parents for the first time

(twice for size)

and honestly even in barr's run (certified Little Guy Jason run) he had some similar moments

(twice for size again bc i just really like this whole page lol)

HOWEVER i think its very important to mention that every time jason was really upset they SPECIFICALLY said that it was different than usual

but for the most part! he was just a guy hanging out :)

so. yeah. in conclusion usually he wasnt angry and mostly had his bouts of anger at his lowest moments, but they were still there and they still mattered <3 and in the end they were all that mattered i guess (<- said while screaming and crying)

i hope that at least kind of answered your question lol, also i would strongly recommend reading jason in barr's tec run (detective comics #568-582) bc its just so fun fhdfkjahdfa hes just a kid having a good time (apparently barr has said before that he was just writing dick and putting jasons name on it but shhhh dont take this from me)

[somer-writes]

What's your personal favourite work you've ever written? Which one are you the most proud of plotwise or writing wise? Why?

MAN this is such a hard question uuuuuuh

my usual answer is Warriors' Last Straw bc i enjoy sibling rivalry the fic but something that *i* personally reread of my own work would be either The Purple Door or Depletion bc they have some of my favorite character things ive written (so far)

Hiding in Plain Sight also gets an honorable mention

bc i dont plot like ever i think the proudest one i can be is Demise which is ofc in its infancy XD writing wise probably The Truth Hangs as a character study

obvs i like pitting the boys against each other but also like theyre brothers. siblings fight like A LOT over NOTHING. and siblings know each others exact weak points but also how to patch things up. idk as someone whos been through a lot with my own siblings, i really enjoy writing them at their worst and building each other up.

warriors last straw is the overachiever who cant understand what he perceives as an underachiever but really, twi and wars just have different strengths. the purple door touches on inherent mistrust and understanding means to an end. depletion focuses heavily on boundaries and triggers. even when they dont mean to hurt each other, that doesnt mean it hurts less! hiding in plain sight bc there is no neat and tidy ending. twi does not wish to open up at that point in the journey and wars cant force it out of him.

demise for the plotting (and the amount of thought ive had to put into it). idk how @hotcheetohatredwastaken, @marcusdoodlesalot, and @wanderlustmagician do it with aus honestly XD its so taxing and i have a peanut brain.

the truth hangs bc again its a tear down build up fic where guess what, the heroes dont always win the battle. chosen by the goddesses or not, theyre still v human. courage only comes from fear. and even the one whos "conquered" his fear still has plenty skin in the game.

this is a longer answer than you wanted probably XD

i will say my writing has improved SO MUCH. i started writing seriously at 10 so its been *checks watch* nearly 17 years of writing. even in the last year ive made amazing strides in my writing. mostly in my composition and syntax, but also ive been messing with the meta via formatting a lot too!

i dont even like my own writing up until really like 2021 in essence XD even then its such a big difference in the last few years lmao

i would chalk this up to me picking up reading a lot more than i have in recent years since last spring. binging through all of heaven officials blessing, reading god knows how much fanfic, etc

good writers are good readers!

[autumnfangirler]

4, 29 + 43 for the OC ask? c:

evening gabe!!! thank you for the asks!

4. A character you rarely talk about?

on tumblr or irl??? because those are Very different answers. actually wait i just realized thats definitely a lie because i remembered my beloved little guys, matthew, maria, and miguel. thats three characters but theyre a set pair to me so! their story is set in an urban fantasy world, and the three of them are siblings. matthew (the youngest) inherited his parents company that specializes in combining magic and tech for advancements. maria, the middle child, broke off from the family business after an argument when she was about 15 years old. she started running her own plant shop after that, a very small one that has no interest in growing bigger. then theres miguel, who ran away from his family at 17 and was completely missing until he reappeared at 26 bloodied on marias doorstep. i Love their concept dearly, honestly the only reason i havent talked about them at all is bcs i just,,, dont know what to say?? i havent really gotten anything about them figured out other than their designs and the vague blurb of their plot. i might revisit them though, theyre a lot of fun.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

tumelo literally does this exact thing at some point. and its over a Jacket 💀 shes one of my characters for the ttrpg "the urban legend club", a paranormal investigator whos intimate knowledge of the paranormal (to the point she seems almost familiar with it, hmmm wonder what thats about) helps aid the rest of the club in solving various mysteries that crop up. shes also the founder of the club! tumelo isnt impulsive, per se, but she Is stubborn as hell, and once she gets a whiff of a mystery shes going after it. at the point in time where she sneaks into the abandoned building, she had been prescribed bedrest by her very worried moms and club members because she passed out after the first investigation everybody did as a team. after hearing everybodys accounts of what happened, though, she formed a theory about the strange happenings going on in there and snuck out to confirm her suspicions herself. she was Right, but she couldnr even prove it, so uh. rip girl lmfaooo 😭

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

i am almost Certain that there is, i just cannot for the life of me figure out what. actually wait. in a lot of my original stories, the characters i tend to go the most insane over usually have this Big Bad Secret that pivots the way every other character sees them in the future. its really fun for me personally, i think, to play around with a character dancing around something, and to see what sort of tells (if at all) a character has that gives away the secret that slip under other characters radars. i also really love seeing the fallout in a) the reveal of the secret, and b) the fact that a character has been hiding said secret from them the entire time. it adds so much spice to how said character interacts with everybody later on. as for traits, i do love me a little shit smooth talker. also i like it when a character has, in some shape or form, genuinely been cruel, harmful, or otherwise "evil" (for lack of better word), regardless of their very same capacity to do good. very funky, i love it dearly.

oh wait actually one more trait that they all share: none of them have last names. bcs fuck that what do you Mean i have to come up with another name????? after i already did the first??????? cruel and evil.

questions from here!

[voidimp]

7, 14 and 21 for alexander

ok first of all i need u to know. i gave cameron a brother named alexander bc of this ask lmao. but i will not be answering these questions about him i will be answering them about oli as intended

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

well for starters theyre a vampire now lmAO but uhhhh idk!! honestly i feel like beyond just being like. More Developed Now they really havent changed that much, like most of their original traits are still there. visually they look kinda different but thats just bc i got better at drawing them the way i actually intended them to look lmaooo

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

this is a tricky one because it really depends on the person... theyve got some manipulative tendencies so theyll kind of play up whatever traits they think will get them what they want. in terms of like. public perception, they prefer to be the one observing, not the one being observed, so they generally kind of just try not to draw too much attention to themself. which is not to say they try to be unapproachable, more just unassuming. even in situations where they are trying to attract someones attention, its generally in a way where theres more than theyre letting on.

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

their needing to consume human flesh could technically be considered an illness, or at least the result of one. i still havent worked out All The Lore behind this yet but it was essentially caused by some sort of affliction specific to vampires. its usually fatal, but those who do survive get stuck with some nasty side effects. like eating people.

beyond that they kinda have an unrelated eating disorder? but in the sense that they kind of just... forget. they dont realize that theyre hungry until theyre really fucking hungry. it just doesnt register, so unless they make a conscious effort to keep track of their meals, they usually end up going a bit too long in between them. they were like this before they became a vampire too (whether due to their father just not feeding them enough or bc they were trying to Avoid Him so they skipped meals i havent decided yet) so they just kinda got into the habit of ignoring their hunger & then never broke that habit.

also this ones probably obvious if youve seen any art of them but theyre blind in their left eye. and i guess on a related note they have poor vision & some variety of color blindness in their right eye, although i dont remember specifically which kind (i think it might have been blue cone monochromacy but i cant find where i had that info saved).

they also have a variety of mental health issues which i could probably get into the details about later but this answer is long enough already. they are definitely Dealing With Some Shit tho lmao

[goldenpinof]

As much as I love the new dnpg era we're in (and Im not complaining in the slightest) in the back of my brain I am finding it a bit strange that dan and phil are currently creating the exact content that for the last 5 years they (especially dan) have been saying they are tired of making. The whole "heres our sponsor, please hit the bell, like and subscribe!" Content. It feels very nostalgic right now, which I love, but also isnt necessarily sustainable. And the idea that they're only doing it to pay the bills on their house doesnt sit right with me either.

Im wondering if maybe theres a bigger picture. I feel like the gaming videos they are churning out are to sort of ease us in to a new era of dan and phil. If maybe they are playing a bit into the nostalgia of dan and phil, to gain back the audience that they lost after 5 years hiatus, so that then, they can slowly start to transform the content and the brand of dan and phil into something that better fits them as they are now. Because an abrupt change after 5 years of being gone, would honestly kind of mean they would have to almost start from scratch (bar the few thousand people that have been following them throughout), and honestly idk if an abrupt change would work for them either, bc even with dystopia daily, it was a cool idea, and not badly executed (apart from just kind of stopping halfway through) but it was also so different to anything else, that I think people found it really jarring, because it didnt really feel like the dan people were used to. I also dont know how well it really represented dan creatively anyway. I feel like bringing the gaming channel back, and also making it clear that its going to be different, its not specifically limited to games, is allowing them to take us with them on the journey of figuring out their new creative direction, rather than starting a few projects that get announced suddenly and then not going anywhere. It also means that when they are working on things behind the scenes that take months or even years to come into realisation, that can also just be cancelled at anytime, they are not banking on their audience just happily waiting with nothing to show for it, and can atleast still produce content that they enjoy and we enjoy, so that when dan inevitably does more standup or phil announces a project or they announce a new dan and phil project, it didnt come entirely from nothing.

Idk, basically i feel like the gaming channel is only the start of something bigger, and I dont think that bigger thing is them reverting back to 2016 dnp. Im interested to see.

oi, big asks bring so much pain ehfeliwdskd only because my answers usually are also big as fuck.

what i find interesting about this relaunch of dnpgames is that it's treated like the main place for joint content. what Dan said in the baking video can only mean that what was posted on AP channel or Dan's channel before, will now be on dnpgames. this gives them (Dan specifically) a way out of the dan and phil brand. it's like the joint branding exists outside and in parallel to their solo brands but doesn't intervene (it still does with AP but maybe it won't in the future). there's a better, more strict division between dnpgames + what's allowed on it and AP and their social media. it's so interesting to see how far they will go with it. they might bring back small portions of what they did before the hiatus (livestreams, dan vs phil, spooky week, gamingmas, game series and etc) but there will be new stuff as well. i wonder if the promo for all dnp brand related things will go on dnpgames now. before that, it was on Dan's channel (tours, books). i'm manifesting ladydoor tour 2.0 if the gaming channel thrives and there will be an audience to fill out the venues.

don't forget that Dan's decision to resurrect dnpgames allegedly came only in 2023 and because of his semi-flopped tour and difficulties with the dvd. no one wants to throw money into it, unfortunately. something happened in Edinburgh with BBC (wad related or not, hell knows). this dnpgames return is like a filler between solo projects (re: they are not banking on their audience just happily waiting with nothing to show for it). and it will be dropped the moment they are offered something serious. unless that something is gonna be precisely dnp brand related.

i don't think there's gonna be a huge change in the direction of dnpgames. we missed it how it was, Phil missed it because it allowed him to work with Dan and have fun. it can co-exist. i have an unpopular opinion maybe, but today's vibes are so unhinged. it's different from what it was before the hiatus, and i'm not talking about gay stuff. it feels like we're constantly running somewhere with them, and i don't like it. too much, too suddenly. and for someone who likes rewatching videos to find something new or just relax and laugh, it's a very uncomfortable schedule. and even dnp in the videos seem a bit frantic. plus different editing styles are visible, so it's like constantly jumping on a trampoline never knowing how high. i like consistency, so i need time to adjust? it's not a criticism, just an observation.

i think i have a bit different opinion to yours :) if it's the start of something bigger than only in the variety of content, but i don't think dnpgames will live for more than 3 years. 5 max. and this insane schedule will be dropped eventually. because it's unhealthy and EXACTLY why Dan backed out in 2018.

thank you for sharing your thoughts! let's see how it goes.

[satuwn]

Do you know how to make friends? Even online? I keep trying to talk to people, and it goes well for a day or two, then we never talk again. It’s starting to really get in the way of me doing anything.

honestly i will admit to u, i dont know! im going to try to give u advice but i myself have spent years of my life without irl friends and i actively talk to 3-4 online friends (which most were already longtime relationships) i try to make new friends and talk to ppl but! its hard! especially when ppl dont usually reach out to u first :-( so i myself dont have an answer for that... but there is hope for u and me, always. more rambles under the cut, this is personally what /i/ do so this advice might not apply to everyone!

the best place to make friends is a group of ppl u kinda have to interact with, ofc this is a gamble bc it depends on the ppl u end up with,, which i havent had luck with school wise until now where i met rlly cool ppl in the masters degree im studying at! but perhaps courses, workshops, gatherings, stuff like that! try to gouge someones interest, fav shows, music, cartoons, games etc. and try to keep up with em, maybe get their number or socials and text every now and then! u dont need to pester someone everyday for a relationship to form, and if u are neurodivergent like me it will be Hard to see if theyre genuinely interested in hanging or just being polite, but if u can sense they arent rlly vibing with u i wouldnt try forcing a realtionship even if u find them cool :( aside from that tho just be persistent and dont give up! i had the problem of usually latching to one person i like and that is a nono esp in a group of ppl, try to go around and talk to many ppl and mix it up so u dont come off clingy (as i am often afraid of doing) also, setting up hangouts outside of ur group activites! going out to eat and chat, going around streets, shops or malls, movies, or look up fun or interesting places around u! u can approach inviting someone with 'hey i wanted to check out [place] would u wanna come with?'. this can all be applied to online relationships too, relating to them/asking questions abt their interest/life, watching/gaming together, and just checking in on em from time to time. i might not have said anything new and again i am the last person to be giving this advice but! i dont know, i still hope it helps and i hope everything works out for you!

[conanssummerchild]

im pissed and im petty and bitter so here are my ex best friends red flags bcs fuck her and now that we're not friends i can stop pretending she was perfect

1. she had such a fucking superiority complex

i swear to god she always thought what she was doing was better or right, for example im really bad at school and she was little miss straight a's, which is fine, until she made it my business too. one time i was talking about struggling in maths and she gave me some advice and i said i did it differently and she said like "well who's in the low maths class?" i never talked to her about academics again. and thats only one example of so many

2. she complained so goddamn much

i swear to god every fucking hour she was venting about something, and it was really uncomfortable ngl bcs i never ever talk about my feelings and i wasnt used to someone being so open, which yeah i know my way isnt healthy either but i swear she had to make everything become about her feelings, like shut your fucking mouth

3. speaking of, she said like that it was weird for her when i talked to her about my dad

like i said i dont talk about my feelings but since she was so open i tried to be more open for her, but i guess i shouldve just kept my mouth shut, bcs i never ever complained abt her venting but when i did it it was too much aparently also i asked her this:

and she never bothered answering. hypocritical if u ask me

4. she reminded me too much of my sister

this isnt a flaw of her own and more of a me problem, but she was too much like my sister and i shouldve identified that as the issue it was earlier on (if ur not familiar with me, me and my sister have a really bad relationship) maybe then i wouldve been able to work through it and it wouldnt have been a problem

5. she was lowkey kinda patronising

she used this fucking voice at me sometimes (usually in autism related issues) and i tried to convince myself it was sweet and comforting but really it felt like she was speaking to a child (i do not fucking like being infantilised.) in fact a lot of the ways she treated me made me feel like a child and it fucking. sucked.

6. everytime i was struggling she would tell me how hard it was for her

I GET IT OH MY GOD SHUT UP. like the first time i didnt mind it, because i knew it was true, but like was it really necessary to say it every. fucking. time? i dont talk about my feelings normally. if she knew i was feeling bad it was only because i was feeling so bad i couldnt hold it together anymore or i was nonverbal. i understand im difficult to deal with like that but telling me how bad it makes you feel just makes me feel more like shit. not everything is about you and your feelings dude

7. she was really gatekeepy over this one youtuber i started watching

ok so theres this youtuber zara beth who one day i discovered on yt and i rlly liked her and so i told my ex bsf and she was like oh yeah i bet u only watched her videos on autism 😒 and she was being like so passive agressive the whole conversation like GIRL, CHILL. even if i did only watch her videos on autism whats wrong with that (and like i didnt even, i watched all of them on 2x speed and binged her entire account)

THE THREE DOTS??? 💀

8. several of the few times i would tell her abt smth that i was upset over she would just straight up change the subject 😭

9. she liked physical contact too much

ik this isnt a red flag really but im not comfortable with so much physical contact so we weren't compatible in this way

10. she liked video calls too much

again, not really a red flag but video calls and just phone calls in general make me so uncomfortable and exhausted and honestly its even kinda overstimulating and she always wanted to call

11. she said she didnt feel like anything was going on in the aftermath of us having had a disagreement, but it built up so much that we havent talked since. so i would say maybe we shouldve talked about it (like i suggested). ('my face was grey but you wouldnt admit that we were sick' vibes)

theres more red flags, but there was also so much good, it wasnt all bad, which makes it hurt more, she truly showed me what it felt like to love and i miss her painfully every day.

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!