#and his grandpa’s gonna die

[shuutingstar]

I’m glad we all agree that Logan’s grandparents are 100% in the mafia. Like no arguments there everyone is on board with that idea.

IF THE GRANDPARENTS DO GET THEM OUT OF THERE I HOPE THERE’S AN EXPLOSION CAUSE THAT’s COOL and now I’m thinking of the facility blowing up, which isn’t unwarranted but also I don’t think red’s gonna get rid of it that easily. I want explosions.

OKOK CHAT LET ME COOK RN

WHAT IF THE GANG COULD ESCAPE THE FACILITY BY THE MAFIA'S CONNECTIONS WITH LOGAN'S GRANDPARENTS??

THIS MF, CHAT

WHAT IF HE WAS ABLE TO GET THEM OUT OF THE FACILITY. WHAT THEN. SOMEONE DISCUSS MAFIA I SWEAR

[bumblingbabooshka]

Old men whose descriptions of their sons don't prepare you at all for what they're actually like (OR: "You're going to Starfleet academy and I don't want to hear another word about it!")

[magnetic-dogz]

I'm not gonna really talk about the movie outside of those posts I reblogged and "why the fuck is Gerald alive." I was excited for the movie before but the more I hear about it the more disappointing it sounds and the more I don't care about seeing it

[yuridovewing]

Speaking of Longtail, he's one of those first arc cats where I'm just set on him spawning out of nowhere. He does not have named parents. Who knows what happened to them or who they are. I don't. He just materialized in there with the name Longtail.

... Okay in all seriousness, I'm pondering the idea that he and Sandstorm are siblings and he's her older brother. He moved to ThunderClan as a young warrior when Sandkit was placed there and wasn't going to move back. This is a point of insecurity for him, which is why he lashes out at Rusty so harshly when he's introduced to the clan.

[lecliss]

OO has me in a fucking vice grip with the urge to lunge at Seph's throat!!!!!!! I can't fucking believe he convinced Kadaj to join him!!!!!! I'm gonna go fucking feral!!!! Leave my sonboy alone!!!!! He has no free will!!! He keeps being used for what Jenova wants cuz of the cells and he keeps being used by Seph as a remnant!!! Daj can never truly have something of his own accord cuz of the very meaning of his existence!!!!! He can never be an individual cuz of them, but without them he wouldn't exist!!!! LET HIM BE HIS OWN PERSON!!!!

And to top it off, Team Ninja dangles a Loz and Yazoo tease in my face after I just said I need Kadaj to have his real brothers back!!!! FUCK!!!! I FUCKING HATE FINAL FANTASY!!!!!!!

[moonsidesong]

played the fangame danganronpa another with a friend and i didn't really like the ending but i very much enjoyed mekaru bc she's just woman byakuya togami. i'm going to talk a lot in the tags now

[boomerang109]

just saw a video that was like “do you even know who your grandfather’s father was?” YES?! i KNEW him! he died when i was 16!!!

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

Why the hell is Al Pacino paying child support at EIGHTY-THREE years old???? His old a$$ should be playing bingo, drinking syrup and dancing to old tunes. What his baby mama did to him is really f*cked up. She deliberately got involved with a man who is on a very delicate age and probably manipulated him in some way so the moment she would get pregnant, she could benefit from his wealth. Al Pacino won't probably live long enough to complete his child support payment because by the time his child turns 18, he will either be 6 ft underground or his ashes will be inside an urn. Let this be a lesson to the men who are fooling around with these chicks at older age and who refuse to get married young because "I still got time as a man". I'm sorry, but age still has an effect on you no matter what, and there is no way a mofo in his damn 80's should be paying CHILD SUPPORT. This whole situation is messy and shady.

[theood]

My grandpa's dog might be on her way according to my grandmother

[sirpeppersto]

love is insane bc why am i getting starry eyed watching him inhale a burger

[okcoolthanks]

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NONOB NOH NONONONONO ONONIBININOJJKB

WHY

WHO

WHY DID

WHY DID THEY DO THIS

HUH

[dnangelic]

' mm ? isn't that a celebrity style ? ' and wasn't this his very own impish opportunity ? he flashes sakura a similar heart all the same ; sets his fingers in a readied , practiced instant and charmingly winks , her better mirror . even if he ended up getting nothing else out of this incident , at least there would have been this --- a mutual exchange that sakura herself no doubt didn't even realize , and probably wouldn't until it was too late .

' it's only recently that sort of thing started getting popular , but making one out of both your hands goes much older than that , no ? if you're enthusiastic enough , you can even make one out of both your arms and your head . ' he simpers ; laughs lightly in a way that his voice seems to soften by it . ' there are all sorts of ways to show people love . '

( some larger , some smaller , some more shy , and some far more grander . )

' ... but , well , as for me being weird --- '

the door's finally shut behind sakura and he slips into silence . if he's bearing any sort of expression , then it stays hidden by lack of view --- yet it doesn't take long for his voice to lilt , the playful , chipper tilt of his head just as audible as sakura's thorough sarcasm .

' --- you've only just started thinking that ? '

most people began with the wings . and then , left with nothing but grim mystery and their own imaginations , they continued to spin up absurd rumor and distort him more and more , too often making something only remotely manlike into something truly grotesque . his reputation as a thief mingled with deeper suspicion and various horror stories : little by little , his consumption of hearts turned literal and bloody , and he became both the rotten idol and worshiped bogeyman that parents warned might deceive and turn stray good family's children , if not outright steal them away . his devilish attraction only seemed to be all for the worse , a touchless source of strife , envy , and endless fascination and wonder .

likewise , amidst the storm of this infinite chatter and chaos perpetually surrounding him ; the black-pupil stages of hundreds of thousands of eyes , there wasn't anywhere that he truly belonged .

( ... too slow . )

he doesn't say it , and only laughs again at sakura's various answers . ' --- my schemes , huh . ' what right did he have to sound so utterly resigned over arrogant as he usually did ? and yet , the guilt still pangs , the sorrow does too , each a bullet fired into the empty , dark hall of his heart's atrium . his voice has turned hollow : his greatest heist , that which even he was reluctant to take part in , might have been somehow fooling sakura into tolerating his continued company .

' ... it's a good indulgence , ' he has to say something beyond just repetition , he thinks , and so he does . ' nobody's getting hurt . if you wanted me to return the favor by dressing up or walking out with you be it as a beautiful man or woman , i wouldn't have any complaints , either . ' but he knew sakura and her personal preferences better , or at least he wanted to believe that he did . ' i doubt that you'd care for all the attention i'd end up attracting , though ... so there's nothing that i can do . '

conceited as the idea of himself might have seemed , wasn't it shameful too , to have to confess to how little he truly had ? thieves stole because everything that they wanted was out of their hands and perpetually in someone else's . beyond his foul , demanding presence , he had utterly nothing to give ; nothing that he could create , beyond what he could simply have taken then moved over in a way that would have surely only displeased sakura further . somewhere deep within him his heart beats out an apology , a dull , soft-thudding stammer of : i'm sorry , i'm sorry .

even desiring it , he had no controlling clutch on a thing like sakura's own happiness . he was helpless , and his one regret remained that his scheming , curse-like nature would surely only remain unchanged . unlike his face , whose flesh twitches and adjusts the instant he hears any door's unlocking click , evaporating itself in an instant of any grim cloud and evident loneliness .

' --- if anything's turned out wrong , then i'll help you fix it . though , as long as you didn't put the whole thing on backwards , i'm sure it's just fine . ' his hands loosely applaud as he fast glides away from any of his previous thoughts . he's playful once more ; eager , even . ' finally , it's about time ... let's see how cinder --- no , sakura-ella's cleaned up for the ball . '

...a heart with her hands...?

“Don’t you only use your thumb an’ pointer finger to make a heart?” She’s genuinely asking here, genuinely confused; she’s seen some of her classmates make’em before for selfies, but that’s the extent of it. She’s never really been one to do it, but for the sake of just checking, she pauses on her way to the bathroom to pull her hand out from under the dress—this stupid dress that, for whatever reason, is soooo tied up into his happiness—to try and copy the move, brows furrowed together at the easy join-and-slide of the two fingers.

She really doesn’t get him sometimes.

“Man, you’re weird.” A long-suffering sigh, a spared glance as she nudges her bathroom door open with a foot; “But, dammit, how long are you gonna go on about that? Are the words really such a big deal to you? I said I’d wear this so I didn’t have to say nothin’...”

Interesting as it would be to hear some Magic spells come outta his mouth if she did agree (if only because he keeps denying to show her any of the real ones he sometimes talks about and this is the next best thing), she does want to point that fact out, too. That deal is what even started this, after all.

(Not that it really was a deal, more-so just her tryin’ to get him off her back for somethin’ stupid, but whatever.)

What’s still a little concerning is the matter of Wiz—or not Wiz?? Two Wiz’s?? Wiz squared??? Why would both of the guys from Azumano have some kinda animal named Wiz in the first place?? As much as she’s fond of Wiz-rabbit, the idea’s just ridiculous.

The longer she tries to reason out a, well, reason, though, the harder it gets for her to think about it—because they are two different creatures, that’s clear a damn day, and it wouldn’t make sense if Dark just magically (irony not intended) knew Dai’s rabbit, either. The similarity is prickly, though, settling somewhere in her mind as something that bothers her but that she can’t really figure out, but...ugh, it makes her head hurt to try and make sense of. Too many weird things surround the two of them, but, at the end of the day, she’s got no real reason to be questioning anything.

(To his credit, it is the first time she’s seen this other one. And, unfortunate for her, she does trust him—to a degree only, she’ll insist, just to a degree).

She’ll just keep an eye on Wiz-rabbit, next time he and Dai’re over. Not as quick of a decision as the one to ignore his scold for her to be careful is, but still a decision.

Just as she’s made that decision, though, is she looking back over to him—only half-listening to his words, that entire time, as she considered the two animals—and comes back to full awareness. She’s halfway to making some sorta comment about the length (Who in the hell thought to make’em like that?) when she catches sight of his flush.

Honestly, if it’d been kept at that, maybe she would’ve been fine. Could’a teased him, even, for getting all heart-eyed. But the sight of his swoon and that word together makes her pause all over again.

‘Beautiful legs’, huh?

(Yeah, right, like that’s somethin’ to apply to mine.)

Whether he really has her in mind about it is up for grabs, but Haruka’s too focused on the knowledge of her own self, of her own body, to think about it. It’s not even that she, herself, thinks of them in any negative way (most of the time), but she’s also not stupid. The zig-zag of gashes old and newer; scars gone white and scars still dark; some raised, some indented into her skin, and some only noticeable under direct light after positioning herself this way and that—none of that’s beautiful. She doesn’t even want it to be, really, but she especially just doesn’t think so. They’re just...they’re there, and the truth is that they make her no looker (though, really, she didn’t need to go tearing into her own flesh to do that; her hair and eyes did that enough, for the average person), so she thinks—no, she knows that if Dark were to see her legs, he’d take his words right back.

The thought really doesn’t hurt, it just...doesn’t make her feel great, either.

It isn’t his fault, though, and she knows better than to make it that way, so she just shoves the feeling down.

“Like I said a minute ago—weird.” And with that, she disappears behind the bathroom door, closing it up as she lays the dress out over her sink—Nowhere else to put it besides the bath or the toilet, but I’ll be damned if he starts bitchin’ about that—and brings the thing from the storage room out from under her arm. A plastic-wrapped package, mostly see-through save for the label, and encasing a white, non-see-through material; to put it plainly, a pair of tights. They’d been given to her a few weeks back, maybe even a month, by now, but she hadn’t really had any opportunity or drive to open them up--and, sure, they probably hadn’t been intended to have their first use go like this, but, hey. Everything starts somewhere.

“Gee, though, wonder why you’re askin’ me that now.” Sardonic, she rolls her eyes, despite knowing he won’t be able to see’em (but screw it, maybe he’ll hear’em); fine, maybe she is talkin’ back this time just for the sake of it, but she’s pretty sure he would not have done it if she hadn’t brought it up! And still does she hesitate to answer—if only because she’s gotta undress and read the instructions on how to put the tights on, but that’s not her fault.

Surprisingly, though, they’re the easiest things to put on so far—they’re waist-high, which is a bonus because nothin’ can peek out from under the dress’ skirt with’em that high, and just had to be stepped into and rolled over herself once her pajama pants were off—and it has them climbing her clothes-rankings in an instant. And they’re even pretty soft, the material having a surprising amount of give and stretch to’em! Man, if she’d known that, she’d have at least tried them on way sooner than now!

...but then she’s straightening up, though, and the thing she’s really meant to be puttin’ on comes back into her field of vision, and her enthusiasm gets a little curbed. Well, whatever—as much as she’s a little miffed to have been pushed and teased and joked with to get to this point, this probably won’t be so bad. It is just a dress; it’s just somethin’ to wear.

“The day was fine, though, if ya really wanna know—or, at least, it was before I agreed to some idiot bird’s schemes.”

(As much as she’s bitching, though, Haruka knows, deep-down, that things wouldn’t have come so far without her allowing them to at all; there wasn’t anyone alive who could make her do some shit she didn’t wanna do. As annoying as Dark can get, too, he isn’t truly very pushy when she really refuses somethin’. It’s a good quality about him, one she appreciates more than she doesn’t.)

She snorts a disbelieving little chuckle, then, and adds, “But if me doin’ this makes ya happy or whatever, I guess it isn’t a total waste of time, either.”

The happiness of her friends is, after all, more important to her than anything else on the planet. Not that she’d ever say it out loud like that, and not that it doesn’t feel silly to say somethin’ so serious over her putting on a maid dress, but still.

“I, uh...think I have everything on right, though?” At the very least, the dress itself is now, also, on. “So I’ll come out.”

[calliesmemes]

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

[yellowwwcrayon]

body swap between wade and logan AU

They fight a magic being that blasts them with body swapping mojo. Wakes up the next morning as each other.

☻

Wade: Jesus fuck, you are hairy. How do you not spontaneously catch on fire from all the static electricity in the winter??? Also, this Subway footlong you got between your legs is really fucking inconvenient. Feels like a disability to be swinging around a nonfunctional third leg on top of the other two you use for walking.

Logan: It's not nonfunctional.

Wade: Oh, yeah? What do you do with it, peanut?

Logan: Plenty.

Wade: That's a lie, grandpa. We live together. I would know if you did anything with it.

☻

Wade's body is just wired weird, and he pops boners every morning and at the most random shit he sees. Subway rat, cereal mascot on a bus stop advertisement, Times Square Elmo? Poor Logan has to deal with unhinged erections at the most inconvenient times.

☻

He also unfortunately experiences firsthand how much other superheroes dismiss Wade or look down on him for being weird and a little too chatty/unfiltered and gets violently protective.

Logan: I'm gonna fucking go over there and cave his face in. Only I get to call you a pathetic lunatic who's destined to die alone.

Wade: That's super sweet, angel baby. But ugh, maybe dial back the violence until we get our bodies back? That's my avatar you're wearing.

Logan: *chews through his cigar with rage*

Wade: *demure queen wave at the curious crowd* Nothing to see here, folks.

☻

Wade's escalating and deranged fantasies about what he could do to Logan's chiseled hot grandpa bod is driving him up the wall. The sexual tension builds until they jump each other and dry hump in the back alley or something.

☻

Bonus:

Logan leaves Wade in the car to go grab something and comes back to Wade looking like this with his face:

Just a sad meow meow he abandoned on the side of the road.

Logan: Don't fucking make that face while you're wearing my meat suit. It's disgusting.

Wade: I could have died, pookums.

Logan: Bitch, I was away for five minutes and I left the AC on.

[ma1dita]

A Luke and Trouble smut in the car

a/n: she's back.... and with a trouble!verse smut gasp. anyways if you haven't read the series all you need to know is luke calls her trouble. if you do wanna check it out, read 'partners in crime' here!

luke castellan x fem!dionysus!reader

wc: 1.1k

“We’re gonna be late,” you grumble under your breath. The sun is setting on Long Island faster than you and your boyfriend thought it would with the old hatchback slowly inching through Queens traffic. 

There’s only an hour left before curfew. 

And Luke Castellan drives like someone’s blind grandpa.

“Relax, babe—once we get onto the expressway, we’ll be straight sailing from there!” Luke says, with a hint of a smile prodding at his cheek. You were never a patient person, fidgeting in the passenger seat next to him, sweaty thighs stuck to worn leather. The air vents are tired, sounding like gasping coughs, and every car in New York City seems to be inching forward and unable to pick up the breeze.

“You said that forty minutes ago.”

“C’mon, it’s not all that bad, trouble. We get to have some extra time together. And be alone,” his voice is as smooth as the rumbling engine, taking his fingertips to the soft of your thigh. You’d find him sweet if you didn’t feel like ripping all your clothes off right now. “You know how rare that is for us.”

“M’just so hot, babe. I feel like I’m fucking dying,” you groan, exaggeratedly flopping over the console and onto his shoulder. He doesn’t mind being stuck to you like this, wet skin and shiny lips nuzzling against his neck and he licks a drop of sweat from his cupid’s bow. Your gentle kisses sear onto his skin and he has to inhale deeply, almost eyeing the horizon and daring for it to darken slower.  Foot tapping on the brake a little too harshly, the car is a toe away from rolling into the one in front of you.

“You’re not going to die. Would be lame if you did.”

“But baby, it’s like I’m about to explode,” you whine louder, “feels like we’re sitting on the surface of the sun!” Even at his wits’ end, your boyfriend can’t find the gall to get mad at you. Especially when your tank top flies into his lap, right over the growing bulge in his shorts that’s keeping him hot and bothered. Luke almost goes nonverbal at the goosebumps that rise—and you haven’t even touched him yet. You’re fumbling with something, knocking around in your seat as he shakes his head and tries to focus on the road.

“Don’t.”

The car behind you honks slightly and he swallows dryly, running his hand through the wet mop of curls as he rolls forward. Fuck New Jersey drivers, he thinks, this guy shouldn’t have gotten a license—what!

“You should’ve just let me drive,” your voice disrupts his inner monologue, and he doesn’t have to look at you to know you’re grinning, “Would’ve gotten there faster than you, speedster.”

You know exactly what you’re doing.

“We’re gonna be late.” Hand flexing over the gear shift, his eyes dart across the road, quickly mapping out a path to the next exit. Your panties fall over his fist, a flash of black lace and damp with something other than just sweat.

“Aren’t you a son of Hermes? Make it work.”

Horns honking like a symphony, he weaves through traffic almost dangerously fast and not being able to do anything else but bite his lip when he hears you laugh through the chaos of it all.

—

“Sh–Shit! We’re gonna…” 

Luke’s the one laughing now as he slaps a hand over your throat, pistoning deeper into your warmth, and fuck, everything about you feels like fire. It’s the type of burn that licks at you from the inside out—but Luke tends to it with vigor, feeling you with every inch of his being. Your hands slap onto his wrist to hold him there, eyes rolling back into your head with wispy breaths of bliss. 

It’s dark now, and you’ve both somewhat safely stopped the car in a wooded area—Luke ripping off the rest of your clothes and his own before taking you belly-up in the backseat and your calves sitting pretty against his shoulders. 

“Be late? You weren’t worried about that earlier,” he teases.

The illegal fireworks and other illicit goods you’re trying to smuggle back to camp jostle in a box on the ground, digging painfully into his shins but he’s too busy stamping his hands into the shape of your breasts, rubbing you down with the mixture of both of your sweat that rolls with the momentum of your bodies.

“Fuck, Luke!”

Looking down at you with heat in his gaze, his thumb prods at your swollen lips, tapping lightly for you to open up. You do without a single complaint. He loves you, yes—even when you’re mouthy, but you look extra pretty when he gets to fuck you dumb and there’s no one around to bother you two. Grunting, you can feel and hear your skin slap against his when he leans forward to delve deeper if it’s even possible. All of you is red-hot from his passion, cock thrusting harshly so much that you can feel it slam against your insides.

For a moment you think he must hate you—dancing on the line of hot and hurt. 

Your eyes lock and you both grin.

“Let me take care of it. Gonna let me take care of you, right pretty girl?” He spits, a straight shot into your waiting mouth and an inhuman noise crawls up from your caged throat.

Leaning up to kiss him and grappling at his shoulders, he smiles into your pout, smeared lipgloss and runny mascara transferring onto his tanned skin. He loves it, knowing that you’re all over him and feeling branded by you even in the dark of the night.

A light flashes in your peripherals and you pull off him with a gasp.

“Is that a car?”

“We’re fine,” he grits, locking your legs around his waist and trying to focus—you’re so soft and soaking all over. His hands slip to your ass, clapping your cheek as he jerks his cock into you harder, making you whine. “They’re not… going this direction. Stop getting distracted.”

The heat builds from your core, pussy pulsing, and tears almost sizzling off your cheeks, so shiny and tempting that he licks a trail up to your ear. 

“I don’t want you to stop. Don’t… you dare, Luke. Fuck!”

Light filters through the darkness behind your eyelids as you grind yourself on his lap rapidly, chasing your high until the end. In a few hours from now, it’s back to business—but Luke has always been one to remind you of your mischievous side.

“Shit, trouble,” he sighs in bliss.

A blip of a siren goes off from outside, followed by quickly approaching footsteps towards your foggy windows.

“Shit,” you repeat back to him with wide eyes, untangling your legs and quickly trying to find your magic Zippo lighter through the mess of clothes at your feet.

—

Lessons were learned, and Connor and Travis were elected to go on supply runs from then on.

[caprisunnydays]

Stardew Valley x Reader Bachelor Headcanons

Alex

Before you and Alex got together, you probably became long time friends

He was def like "damn they hot" but then when it became more than just that he was like "DAMN THEY'RE HOT"

It's been a bit since he's felt those silly little butterflies, it genuinely makes him nervous

Que him leaning against a wall like "Hey bbg" but he's sweating bullets

After his confession, he feels much better, and the nervous air that only you could really pick up on has disappeared

Very PDA, arm is always around you, probably not in the back pocket but if he's tipsy enough then boom it appears

Insists on going in the mines with you but saw a slime and wanted to dip so bad but you protected him <3

"Heh...I totally wasn't scared. Don't worry babe I'll protect you" nah boy

He feels his heart melt every time he sees you and Evelyn baking together, or her just acting like your grandma

Even George has become a grandpa figure, giving advice with alex or general things

Alex is secretly insecure about himself, but with you, he finds room to grow as a person and find that those worries are unwarranted

Though he doesn't say it often, you make him feel seen, and he truly appreciates that

Elliot

(Personal fav right now so I'm about to go OFF)

If you picked romance for his book he's imagining you both as the main characters

Not a complete parallel because he's like "can't be creepy" but a teensy bit

Speaking of "can't be creepy" he has written multiple sonnets about you since realizing his feelings

Unlike some of the other bachelors, he embraces his feelings more, using his passion to inspire his writing and other endeavors

Heavy on the gifts and courting stuff

Gives you love poems at least once a week he has so many piled up but he doesn't wanna go overboard

Says the sappiest things all the time with this love struck look in his eyes

PRETTIEST MANNNNN

Words of affirmation kinda guy, he's poetic like that

Leah pokes at him for being a simp but mans could not care less he's proud

Picks out pretty sea shells that wash up on the shore and gives them to you, and they're always intact!

Big fan of the flower dance and looks forward to getting to dance with you in front of the entire town! maybe your worst nightmare but he's just happy to show you off (and his dancing skills lol)

Speaking of which, mans is gonna teach you how to waltz and a bunch of other old timey dances

At some point he WILL show up in the pouring rain to profess his love, or give you flowers, or both

You're like "Elliot we're literally dating was this necessary and he's like "OF COURSE MY DEAR"

He'd love heartstopper

Harvey

Insert too sweet by Hozier

Silly little doctor guy tries to avoid you but can't help but be drawn to you

He sees you running around doing your daily tasks, and just watches you from afar from the window of the doctor's office

Maru notices and tells you to come in sometime cuz her boss ain't gonna get nowhere by himself

When you start coming in more often he can feel himself die of embarrassment when he fails to make interesting conversation

Is very worried about your health though and fusses when you pass out in the mines/street

He gets even more adamant about you taking care of yourself once he's confessed

Way less nervous though!

Looks at you with adoration eyes when you do anything

Tipsy Harvey is a cute Harvey because he starts spilling his guts on how often he thinks of you

Whenever you're not busy with work he appreciates you stopping by the office, just to talk about both of your days

He yaps to everyone about you btw

Doesn't mean to but when someone brings you up he's like "oh yes me and my partner love to-" or "my partner loves-" etc etc

I used to not be a fan but he's such a sweetiepie

Sam

"I just love a guy who plays guitar <3" - u @Sam

That's it

I JEST

Originally he's like "hey come and hang out with me, Sebastian, and Abigail"

Then you start coming over and it's just you both alone

He's not creepy about it, just wants to spend time with you one on one

Loves showing you the songs he works on and if you want he'll show you how to play guitar too!

He's also happy with how well you get along with Jodi, always trying to get you both to bond, it makes him feel nice that you feel like you're apart of the family

Once y'all are together he does sneak you in anytime he gets the chance

He'll text you like "come over" You : I've gotta be up at 6am Him : "PLZPLZPLZPLZ-"

OG golden retriever bf

You both go shopping at Joja at 3am for fun and goof off

Or go run around in the forest taking aesthetically pleasing pintrest photos

Sebastian

You can't tell me he's not an arctic monkeys kinda guy so insert R U Mine? By Arctic Monkeys

It took him time to warm up to you

When he did you became one of the few people he could hang out with after a long day of socializing and not feel drained around

I can see him doing things that aren't always super platonic and thinking he wants to do them because

"Platonically" holding your hand, cuddling, etc

At town events he stands all close to you, complaining about how much he hates it, but showing disappointment when you mention leaving

Everyone's like are y'all dating and he goes NO way too fast

When you both finally ARE together though he's actually much less affectionate and public, but it doubles when you're in the comfort of his basement room

Finds the most joy in keeping you trapped in his bed with him until noon when you say you should be working on your farm

Especially in the colder months, then you can also share his mom's pumpkin soup

He's almost catlike with his affection

Another guy you run around and take aesthetically pleasing pintrest photos with, but his are more grunge esk

"Accidentally" leaves his hoodies at your place but he likes seeing you in em

I imagine that the characters have those closets filled with the same outfit, so when you try and give him his stuff back he goes "nah" and whips out his 100th hoodie

Shane

PACK IT UP SAVIOUR COMPLEX I mean what who said that

After you rescue him from the depths of his depressive alcoholism, he feels guilty for having feelings for you

Part of it is because he's like "fuck do I actually like them or is it just cuz they basically saved my life" and partly because it feels painfully stereotypical

Not a lot changes, though he is a lot more open to you then he is with other people, even with Marnie

Helps out with your chickens when he has free time

Talks to them about his problems and once you almost walked in on him ranting about his feelings for you (bro was shook)

But once he's confessed, well, he's still insecure about some things, but accepts your help with stride

Jealous easily, but tries not to show it

Acts of service kinda guy, so if you need him to run an errand while you're swamped with farm work? He's on it

Pulls up to your farm with a bunch of snacks and a bag full of movies for you to pick from

He sets it up while you take a shower to wash all the grime and dirt off from a days work so you can just come and cozy up on the couch with him

You're also basically besties with Jas, such a sweet girl, always asks you to play jump rope with her

You both go "say no to drugs" to her l o l

Marnie is also now your bestie so even when she's not working you can get stuff from the shop #WIN

I loooooove stardew valley it's so cool so great