#and hey maybe i will find the joy in those things eventually. or not! and thats ok. who knows!! anything can happen!!

[crescentfool]

i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

[miirohs]

braid my hair while i hold your heart [m.d.l]

pairing: OPLA!Monkey D. Luffy x Fem!Reader wc: 0.4k cw: n/a an: another one for yall thirsties, i feel oddly inspired. getting hair in ur eyes is a very real issue btw- have i mentioned how much i want to see how fluffy luffys hair could get?

You leaned against the railing of the crows nest, breeze blowing strands of hair from your face.

The sky was a pale blue and orange as the sun seem to fall closer to the horizon, glare skipping across the gentle waters. The boat was drifting, oddly quiet for once.

"Y/n!"

The sound of elastic snapping turned you around, Luffy standing on the rail. In his hands was a bouquet, flowers shining and vibrant in the setting sun. You had no time to ask what they were, as he dropped them, rushing to you.

"Luffy-" Before you could finish, he rushed into your open arms, sweeping you into a bone crushing hug. Spinning around, you both collapsed to the floor, pinned down on your sides.

"Hey- Hey! What's all that for?! You're suffocating me!" You laughed, trying to wiggle out of his grip. You rolled over him and pinned him down, blowing raspberries.

He didn't seem the least bit surprised though. The rough-housing wasn't uncommon, his way of initiating contact between the both of you.

His hands were wrangled up in your hair, a delighted look on his face as he clutched at small strands, curling them around his finger. The sun seemed to reflect in his eyes, lighting up with joy.

He always seem to find a way to brush his finger through your hair, untangling the knots with a gentleness you could only describe as familiar.

"You really like playing with my hair, don't you?" you asked, a playful grin on your face.

He nodded, pushing you off him so that he could sit up.

"Do you want me to do your hair? your hair gets so tangled from the wind, i wonder how you manage to work with it blowing crazy." He exclaimed as you got pushed yourself back up, shaking your head.

"Sure thing. One question though, do you know how to do braids?" You asked, picking at your nails as he shuffled behind you.

"Mmm, nope. I'm sure i could figure it out though."

"I'll leave you to it then," You said, legs dangling out the gaps of the crows nest as you looked down.

You could hear him mumbling to himself as he tried different techniques, and the occasional tug of your hair making you yelp a little, always ending with a hushed apology from him.

If it weren't for those little tugs, you might have fallen asleep, drifting in between sleep and staying awake. Eventually, you leaned against the wooden planks, drifting off for good.

It wasn't until a little while later that you were gently roused from your peaceful half-slumber.

The sun had set for good, and the sky was a pale shade of blue and orange, streaked with clouds.

Luffy now sitting beside you, looking out at the horizon. His hat was pulled low over his eyes, and he seemed lost in thought.

"Hi Luffy."

He turned his head to look at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Hey, Y/n, you were sleeping pretty soundly there. Feel better now?"

"Mmm. Did you finish yet?" You stifled a yawn, stretching wide.

"Yeah! “Hey- hey turn around for me, let me see you!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands. You obliged, turned your head as you gave a bashful smile.

"See, you look perfect.”

"Perfect, huh?" you chuckled, your cheeks tinged with a faint blush.

"Yeah! The flowers were definitely a good touch. You look like a sea princess now! Wait, maybe you could be my sea queen when i become king of the seas!" He rambled as you reached over for what was left of the flowers.

"Where'd you get these? These are beautiful," You whispered, holding one in your hand to get a better whiff of its scent.

Luffy snapped his fingers, excitedly waving his hands. "Nami saw them on the island, and I thought they looked like they'd make you smile."

"Thank you Luffy, so much," You whispered shyly.

"You're welcome, Y/n! I'm glad you like them. And if you want more flowers, just let me know. I'll get you a whole garden!" He exclaimed.

His eyes seemed illuminated by the stars, shining and glazed over as he watched your expression closely.

"Oh no, are you going to cry? Did i do something wrong?" He fretted.

"Nope, i'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. We should probably go to bed."

"Lets just sleep here then!" He patted the spot next to him, and you crouched down, grinning.

"Alright, but you better not mess up my hair."

"I won't, promise!"

[pinky-promis3s]

☾☯☽

Letting You Draw On Them

☾☯☽

Imagine: you have a sharpie, they have skin, its free real estate

Includes: Colby and Sam

☾☯☽

Colby Brock

You knew how much Colby adored his tattoos, he had a story to each one and a meaning that he could ramble on for hours. It was hard to lie that you didn't love his tattoos either, frequently you had found yourself trace the ink with your finger and just mesmerizing the design and details. It especially happened in the morning when you would be tucked to his side, your head pressed against his chest and a palm gently over his heart lock tattoo. When you would finally wake up, that was how you would wake him up just by tracing his tattoos and admiring each one till he eventually work up; tickled from your grazing touch.

When the words left your mouth, you expected an immediate no but in your surprise, he just gave you a spare sharpie marker he had and his hand. He seemed to be too focused in his conversation with Sam and Jake to really care what you were doing to his skin or what you were putting on it. Of course, you weren't an ass. You weren't just gonna draw a penis and call it a day, no you wanted to make something nice on his skin, something he could be proud of and go 'hey my partner did this' so you did.

When he finally looked at your little drawing on the back of his hand, he smiled at it and kissed the side of your head, "you're so talented baby, thank you."

These little drawing sessions had continued, every now and again when he would just be sitting there and not doing anything too important, you would pounce with the sharpie. Or if the drawing had started to fade, he would offer up his hand after a shower and ask you to redraw it, wanting to wear your artwork for a little longer than the universe would allow.

☾☯☽

Sam Golbach

Sam never thought he would ever have a tattoo, it was one of those things he would admire from a far but would never do to his own skin. Months of dating and you had never told Sam about your passion for drawing, it was one of those little things you did when you were bored and you were never bored around Sam. But one night he had been editing while you were sitting on the bed across from Sam's desk, he had been in his editing zone and you found herself finding a pen on the bedside table of his bed. Without paper around, you leaned against the wall against Sam's bed and start to draw on your exposed skin, every now and again looking up to Sam who had his eyes glued to the screen.

You had lost yourself in a zone and soon found your entire forearm covered in your little drawings. When Sam had finished his editing and took off his headphones, he eyed you doodling on your skin and laid down on the bed, propping himself up on his elbow and watching you draw.

"Would you do those little drawings on me?" when you had asked Sam to repeat, not quite believing what you had heard, he had repeated with a soft smile, "I just think you're really good and I'd like to have your work on my skin." You watched Sam roll up his sleeve and offer you his arm and a giddy little joy went over you.

You practically bounced on your knees and soon had a matching doodled up arm with your boyfriend. After that day, Sam soon had asked to see all your drawings and you were happy to show him no matter what, especially when soon after the showing of your art, you found Sam asking for your drawings more and more. He loved when people would point it out in parties just so he could get a little bit more to brag about to people about how awesome you are

☾☯☽

Thanks for reading, please reblog to show your support for my work and maybe comment to make me happy :)

Taglist:

☾☯☽

[bunny-1111]

Just thinking about James Potter x Slytherin Reader.

trying to outwit each other,

trying to desperately hate each other.

trying to restrain their eyes from finding each other in every room.

outdoing each other at parties, alcohol fueling them both, to attempt to distract themselves from the fact that they both fought a feeling in their chest for each other.

they spent an alarming amount of time pissing each other off, they would never accept that they spent so much time with each other, they dismissed it as standing up for the house spirit.

James, not being able to face her, across the great hall worried his face might reveal he had dreamed of her face just 2 two hours prior

Her avoiding Regulus' observations, he had caught on before her and James were willing to admit anything.

Regulus Black convinces her that James and all of those wicked Gryifindors just want a rise out of her; to let it go, he would humiliate her, just as Gryffindors do.

Sirius Black convinces James that she and her friend snakes only want to get him close and eventually stab him in the back. To let go of her, she would eat him alive, just as Slytherins do.

All glances, little comments, and attempts of communication halted, with both of them finally facing the facts. They were in love, although their foundation wasn't built of good, peaceful nature; it was built of passion, hunger, and tension, which made them both crave relief all the more. They knew they could only get it from the other, both too proud to admit.

Finally, when Remus and Sirus planned the biggest prank of the year, James usually jumped with joy at the thought. But with you and him not talking, he was in a foul mood, overheard the plans, and declined participation.

Watching the boys set up, James, arms crossed, was putting everything together in his head, eyes flickering from the giggling boys in front of him, then to the entrance of the Slytherin common room. "Remind me what it is exactly you're doing." James questioned

"well Jamsie, we're turning these tiny little crickets" explain Sirus, holding up a small cricket to James's face

"And we've enchanted them, to turn into lions, they'll chase good old snape through the corridor" laughed wormtail

"No kidding?" said James, eyes wide

"But... you're not doing it right now, right?" he continued

"We certainly are" laughed Remus

"No, but, she's with snape right now I can see them through the window" said James pointing to his 'enemy' worry now painting his face

"yeah that's the point" scoffed Sirus

"and you're going to help us, get the rope," said peter, shoving the heavy rope into James hands, he unwillingly went along

"How about you distract her! She won't suspect a thing, neither will Snape" gleemed Sirus, "I hope Regulus is with them too," Padfoot laughed

James stayed silent.

Eventually walking towards her, "hey" he said quietly

"Hi" she replied, eyes doe at him, almost looking nervous?

"I haven't seen you lately," he said, gently

She didn't know how to respond, usually ripping into each other spitefully by this point of conversation.

Snape and Regulas walking away from her, when they passed the rest of the marauders, tucked away in the gap of the corridor. Hearing Peter mutter that James was taking too long, they turned around and walked right back to you,

"He's distracting you" Snape spat

"The rest of them are waiting with crickets" Reg followed

"Oh" she almost whispered

"No I-" James begins

Storming off, she had no time to listen to his excuse; maybe he had grown up, she thought. Wrong.

The rest of his friends creeping out, Sirus throwing questioning hands in the air "I couldn't do it" James sighed "I just couldn't do it"

Ditching his friends, chasing after her, catching her, kissing her, surprising her, surprising himself.

[aishangotome]

Leon Dompteur: Even If The World is Destroyed

From A Hidden Oath: King of the BEAST (2024 Election) - Collection Event

Thank you @dark-frosted-heart for providing the SE video!

—

One night, when I got out of the bath, Emma was sitting on the bed with a book in her hand, shedding large tears.

Emma: S-sob... It was such a wonderful story...

Leon: You're so pure and cute to cry so much because you're so emotionally involved in the story.

Emma: It's embarrassing to be stared at like that.

Leon: It's okay, isn't it? Because I love you.

Chuckling, I wiped away her tears with my fingers, and her flushed eyes curved into a soft arc.

Emma: Thank you.

Leon: Yeah. Was that book such a tearjerker?

Emma: Yes, it's a love story set in a world that's being destroyed by natural disasters, and its not just sad, but the love between the characters is beautiful.

Leon: Can't the world be saved from destruction?

Emma: ... Right. The main focus is on how the two of them will spend the limited time they have until the world is destroyed.

Emma: Hey, Leon, what would you do if the world was going to end?

Leon: So it's not just this country, but the whole continent?

Emma lowered her eyes to the book on her lap.

Emma: I think one of the joys of reading is to imagine yourself as a character in the story and think about what you would do.

Emma: This time, it's such a grand story about the end of the world, so I was curious to hear what Leon would do.

Leon: I see. Thanks for letting me share in the joy of reading.

(––The world, huh?)

Those words brought to mind the smiling face of Emma in front of him.

(When I was a slave, I was moved from place to place, so I didn't have a place I could call home.)

(The royal court is the same, this is Leon's place, not mine.)

(But after meeting Emma, for the first time, I had a place I could call my own.)

(You loved the real me… my "world" is right here with you.)

(If that were to be destroyed––)

I suddenly noticed Emma staring at me intently.

Emma's eyes were so full of expectation for my answer that I couldn't help but pull her arm and lie down on the bed, holding her close.

Emma: Leon, what's wrong all of a sudden?

Leon: I just wanted to touch you. We can imagine, talk, and even embrace each other, right?

Emma: Hehe, you're right. I like this better too.

Leon: You really do say such honest and cute things.

Emma: Because I love being held by Leon, it's warm and reassuring…

Leon: Yeah, me too.

Emma: I'm sure even if the world ends, the warmth and reassurance Leon gives me won't change.

(You're not only warm, but you also smell sweet and nice.)

As I held Emma tighter to better smell her scent, a certain feeling welled up in my chest.

(My world… this place we've built together, I won't lose it no matter what happens.)

I leaned over Emma and kissed a lock of her beautiful hair.

Leon: If there's a premise that there's no escape from destruction, I'll just keep loving you even after it's gone.

Leon: Even if this world and our souls are destroyed, I'll be reborn over and over again.

Emma: Reborn...

I gently caressed Emma's cheek as she blinked her eyes in wonder.

Leon: Even if this world is destroyed, there might be another world somewhere else.

Leon: Or maybe the earth will gradually regenerate, and eventually new continents and countries will be born.

Leon: If that happens, it's possible that we'll be reborn in another world.

Emma: That's right! The idea of a new world being born, or living a new life, is very hopeful and wonderful.

Leon: Right?

Leon: And no matter where I'm born or what form I take, I'll definitely find you and come for you.

Leon: No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'll never forget you.

Leon: There's no way I could forget this love.

Emma: Hehe, you're so confident. But if it's Leon, I think you really could do it.

Emma: I'll never forget Leon either, and no matter how many times I'm reborn, I'll fall in love with you.

Emma: No, I think I definitely won't be able to help but fall in love with you.

Leon: I'll be reborn as a good man so you'll love me again.

Emma: I wonder if we'll ever be reborn as animals?

Leon: Ugh, it's possible. Even if I'm reborn as a lion and you're a rabbit, I'll still try to woo you.

Emma: I might be surprised and run away at first, but I'll be waiting.

Even in our playful banter, the feelings welling up in my chest felt hot and unwavering.

(No matter what happens, my home will never change, and I have no intention of losing it.)

(Even if the world is destroyed, I will continue to love you.)

I kissed Emma, who was smiling happily, as if to swear my feelings from the bottom of my heart.

FIN

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

i saw that you accept regretevator requests, so could we have a reader having fun at the campfire with ‚Spud!‘ ? poor guy went through so much brain trauma and still makes good marshmallows, so maybe some platonic quality time. (and if you wish some angst at the start where poor spud has to think of what he went through (argh gnarpy when i catch you)) [also which characters do you prefer writing or is it just them all?]

Blinding white lights blinding his vision.

Red hot searing laser frying his flesh.

Green feline creatures standing over him, speaking in tongues he couldn't understand.

Metal tools and sharp needles poking, prodding, tearing, slicing, and stitching every inch of his body.

They hurt.

Everything hurts.

Why won't they stop-

"Spud? Hey."

"H-Huh?"

"We're here."

"Ah. Sorry. Must've fallen asleep.." Spud awkwardly mumbled, reaching up to touch his bucket hat. He then looked out the window of your car, noticing you were parked somewhere in the woods. "Is this Two Studs Camp?"

"Nope." You turned off the engine and glanced at him. "It's a different place. Far away from that one. C'mon."

Although still in a bit of a haze from his nightmare, he managed to climb out of the passenger seat, seeing that you already had the trunk popped open. You grabbed a dufflebag and slung it over your shoulder, watching as he grabbed the smaller one, trying to keep his balance with just one arm.

"It's close. There's a fire pit ready to go."

He stared at you. "Firepit?"

"Campfire."

"Oh...cool."

The rest of the walk was in silence, aside from the occasional hoot of a distant owl and the crickets chirping their little tunes. The air was quite clear tonight, so you and Spud could see dozens of stars in between the tall trees. You took a few pictures with your phone along the way, taking in the sights and sounds.

Eventually you arrived to the campsite, where he noticed a tent was already set up, in addition to chairs and logs being by the firepit.

"Wow. Is all of this..for me?"

"Just for you, my friend." You grinned, setting your bag down and searching through it, finding a smaller bag full of familiar treats. "I heard you've made some killer marshmallows, and I can make pretty good smores. I got everything else but the sticks-"

"Already done, spud."

"That was fast." Looking up, you noticed the bundle of twigs in his grey hands. Not to mention he was already sitting in the chair. "Okay. I'll get this fire going. You relax."

Spud simply nodded, watching you put the logs into the pit, before lighting a match and dropping it in. Within seconds, a warm fire began to grow.

The sudden heat took him by surprise, making him tense up.

"Spud?"

He saw your concerned gaze as you sat on the other chair. "You look afraid.."

"...I do?" He asked, not out of sarcasm, but rather confusion.

You already told him you two were far away from Two Studs Camp. Far from any impending invasion and a certain green Gnarpian who he oh-so bitterly despised.

So what was he afraid of?

"You're safe here."

Feeling your hand patting the top of his, Spud was snapped out of his thoughts again. His shoulders relaxed a bit as he acknowledged your comforting gesture, doing his best to smile. "Thanks."

"Any time. Now...mind doing the honors, counselor?" Handing him the bag of puffy marshmallows, you let him take two out and stick them on the twigs, handing one to you. Then he turned back to the fire, holding his over it, for once looking content.

Your gaze lingered on him for a few moments longer, as you felt a bit sad knowing those damn aliens have broken him in such a way that even smiling often proved difficult.

He could never truly have a normal human life again, but despite all of their efforts--the one thing they couldn't take away was his love for marshmallows.

And the joy of having a friend who adores camping as much as he does.

[ender1821]

behold. me coping with session 9 SL!shinyduo

— — —

The crackle of a lightning strike hits at the exact same moment Pearl hears a resounding crack from her neck. After she had been shot by Scar, the impact of the arrow led her to stumble down the ravine beside Scar’s base, leaving her at the bottom of the pit.

Well, at least it was quick.

She finds herself lying on the stone ground, a view of a clear blue sky above her.

The only thing she could do was let herself breathe. (Do ghosts even need to breathe? Eh, who knows.)

Her eyes close as she builds a steady rhythm with the rise and fall of her chest, willing for the aching and exhaustion riddled all throughout her body to somehow dissipate.

Aside from the sound of her breaths, she can pick up Scar’s voice off in the distance. It doesn’t sound much like a cheer, or a cry, or anything— but then again, Pearl’s not in a fit state to focus on whatever he’s saying.

Instead, she tries to think back on everything that just unfolded, all the deaths, the hunts…the duel. The zombie that had been creeping towards Scar before Pearl warned him.

She sighs, “I swear, if he dies to a zombie, after all that…”

Now, she wasn’t really expecting a reply.

Especially not a reply from a voice that’s so familiar.

“I know, right? It’d be embarrassing for both of us.”

Pearl’s eyes snap open in an instant, as though the answer gave her a surge of energy, overpowering the waves of numbing pain.

“…Gem?”

She looks…just like she used to, when they were red…together.

Pearl blinks, trying to focus on the figure looming over her. It’s only then, that she notices Gem’s body is slightly translucent, allowing rays of sunlight to pass through.

“Hey, Pearl.” Gem extends a greeting they both know far too well. She crouches down, tilting her head. “Are you going to keep lying on the ground, or…?”

“I might.” Pearl chuckles. “It’s pretty comfy down here, actually.”

“I can imagine.” Gem shifts to sitting cross-legged next to Pearl, which prompts her to try and actually sit upright as well.

Pearl grunts when she finally manages to move, scooting over to Gem. Sitting underneath the shades of a bit of overhang of the earth above, they find themselves situated in a corner of the ravine, now further ruined with scorch marks and splatters of blood on the walls.

Despite the destruction, sunlight casts shadows of sunflowers into the chasm. It must be the ones Scar has around his base.

Silence follows. Pearl tries her best to stare only at the walls around, but she ends up glancing at Gem a few too many times. She hopes Gem is too preoccupied to notice. (Pretty slim chance of that happening, considering the fact that there’s nothing of interest nearby but them.)

Eventually, though, something in Pearl pushes her to speak.

“So,” Pearl starts, “what’s got you wanting to give me a visit? I thought you’d be with Scott and Impulse.”

Gem jerks up at the sudden question, then turns away from Pearl. “I— I dunno, I just… We died pretty close to each other, you’re the first one I saw.”

If Pearl’s head had been a bit more clearer, maybe she would’ve questioned why Gem was so insistent on not facing Pearl when she answered. Instead, she accepts the answer with a nonchalant “Ah, I see.”

“Well, I appreciate the company. And…” Pearl adds, pausing as the following words get caught in her throat for a brief second:

“I’m sorry.”

That seemingly got Gem’s attention, causing her to look at Pearl once again.

Just today, Pearl was met with those same pair of eyes on multiple occasions. For some, they sparkled with a sense of joy. For others, they held a flurry of panic behind them.

At this moment, they were glazed with a whirlwind of emotions Pearl couldn’t even begin to decipher.

Pearl can see Gem obviously struggling to find something to say, or to piece together the thoughts in her head. Either way, Pearl waits.

“When you— when Scar was coming for me, you asked me if I wanted to duel it out with you, with swords.”

Pearl nods.

“Why?”

It’s such a simple question, really. Pearl knows exactly why she did it. Just as she knows why she went into the End earlier in the game to fight the dragon, why she rode a camel with the same person who’s killed her twice, why she couldn’t get a successful ambush when she’d been in the siege against Gem and the Scotts.

What leaves her lips is not the answer. Not a clear one, at least.

(It’s never easy, is it? When Scar and Gem had begun fighting, all Pearl wanted was a moment to think. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know why she began shooting, she just didn’t know. She couldn’t decide.)

“You said you didn’t want a bow fight.”

“But a sword fight, Pearl?” Gem pushes on in an instant. “I know you, Pearl, I know you prefer using an axe.”

“I do, yeah.” Pearl doesn’t give away any more than that, choosing to give Gem a noncommittal response.

“So— If Scar hadn’t— If I agreed, you—”

“You probably would’ve kicked my butt.” Pearl admits with a smile.

Gem takes a deep breath. Then, in the quietest voice Pearl has heard all day, Gem asks, “And you would’ve been fine with that?”

(I would’ve been more than fine with it.)

“You would’ve beat me fair and square, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“But you—” Gem cuts herself off with a groan, growing more and more frustrated with Pearl’s vague replies. It’s no use when they’re both dancing around the topic, even though all Gem wants is to ask: would you have let me kill you? Could we have stayed friends? What went wrong?

Gem recalls Pearl backing away after one swing of her sword, when she was fighting Scar, she caught a glimpse of Pearl leaving the fight to them. She remembers how Pearl could’ve pulled out her bow, could’ve ended her right there.

(Do I forgive you?)

A breeze blows past the Sunflower Valley, leading the flowers above, along with their shadows, into a gentle dance.

Nearly every question Gem has dies on the tip of her tongue, leaving only one:

“What now?”

Pearl gives it some quick pondering, before stretching her legs out and bracing herself to stand. “I wanna check on Mailbox and Matchbox.”

“Then,” She helps herself up by leaning on a wall. “I wanna see if I can find my Mounders anywhere.”

Lastly, she extends a hand out to Gem. “After that… I think I remember Scott saying something about a spare camel around Etho’s?”

Gem returns the smirk on Pearl’s face with one of her own. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“The Murder Camel rides once more!” Pearl cheers as she pulls Gem up with her.

[acid-ixx]

Hey hey, you don’t have to answer this ask but truly your works has been so comforting to me in my worst moments with how you write loneliness. I apologize, I should had shown my appreciation earlier as the way you write isolation brought me relief in the understanding of it from a deeper level.

Sure, while there is an occasional joy of reading something where you, the reader instantly gets the love you always crave for… Unfortunately it is never that perfect or at all realistic, sure when people think of touch-starved you think of the desperate and all encompassing one where one is filled with warmth but never about the opposite where you are so touch-starved it floods your guts with nausea at the sudden abundance of it. And you, you! You write that perfectly, I cared about your reader, I was able to cry, I was able to express anger and pace around the room at how well you structure your works. And I wasn’t even a fan of Batfam or indulge deeply into any Batman related media until your fics came across my dash and I was ever so curious to find a nicely written gift basically.

Although I am not as skilled at the pen as you, I feel I should exchange some other things I saved of writers’ words that too gave me some comfort as well in hopes you do as well.

Thank you dedicating your time to write such intimate loneliness, I do truly appreciate and found solace in the best and worst of your reader struggling to accept the nuances of love. The absence and over abundance of love can truly drive all humans to be the worst version of themselves in order to find stability.

No need to post another fic and while I do enjoy them, you can always write about other stuff. Do a Q&A; what inspires you, what are your interests outside of this blog, and etc. Reblog other blogs, make characterization or silly posts, share other things you love at your own will. You, at the end of the day is your greatest priority, no need to demean yourself because you know yourself the best. Thank you and sorry for rambling!

did u know i teared up when i read this ? idk why i did but maybe it's the fact that my writing is meant to primarily comfort myself, it's the things i write whenever i feel absolutely terrible and to see how it genuinely comforts others made me a bit emotional. tysm for your kind words 🥹 but at the same time there's no need to apologize! nobody is obligated to repost or comment on my works really, i just appreciate it when people do since it counts as a way to inspire me and this one genuinely did.

and yes, i love to write about loneliness and abandonment and all those negative emotions purely because it's my medium of ranting about the neglect i went through as a child, it's kind of like my own therapy hehe. u alongside the others love my portrayal of my mc so much it makes my heart go doki doki istg 🎀

also, the poems you sent me made me very emotional too, because i love poems and the symbolic meanings behind them and both pictures just ignited that dying flame i have to insert a poem for chapter 4 of a&a. i love the first poem about the struggles of finding love through your parents and eventually moving on and building a future for yourself and the second one desiring tenderness in the simplest of intimate moments just made my touch starved self ache.

and tysm too for you, alongside many others, reminding me to write for myself because i truly am! it's all just been so tiring seeing a notification and thinking it must've been some input about my writing only to find out it's people asking when or if i'm going to update soon that makes me start to think writing is an obligation, but i'm really trying my best and i feel excited doing a 4k follower special 🩷

[galaxywarp]

What do you do when you're in a bad headspace and can get out and it affects friendships and they start leaving you and you're alone and have no idea what to do and you think life and yourself can't improve

It was a slow and grueling process but my friendships finally started genuinely improving only after I worked my ass off to learn how to comfort myself. Because I could never truly get the comfort and relief I was looking for in other people and trying to was just setting us all up to fail.

Little tangible things I’ve done over the course of several long months that have added up to feeling kind of better:

-I go out of my way to thank myself when I do something nice for myself, no matter how small. I started with bagging up a single bag of trash. I placed my hand over my heart and said hey thanks for doing that. It felt gross and fake. I did it even if it felt gross and fake. It stopped feeling so gross and fake eventually.

-if im spiraling i try to pick my next activity based on the outcome i want. If I pick up my phone, what am i looking for? Humor to distract me? Something to read? Do I want to write about how im feeling? Listen to a song about how im feeling?

-say “thanks for listening” instead of “sorry for venting” to your loved ones.

-leave traces of your own existence for yourself. Pictures. Notes. Drawings. If you have a thought and a notebook just write it down. It helps me feel more like a real person when I leave evidence behind that im here. It’s also comforting to be able to help recall memories and feelings that are blurry with time.

-find something cheap and dumb that makes you happy. I like bouncy balls that you can get for a quarter from those machines and the little tiny toy slinkies that they sell at my grocery store. These things serve no purpose but to be fun to hold and throw around and eventually lose

-try to remember that good days don’t have to be filled with excitement or joy. A good day can maybe just mean that today you didn’t feel as much despair as yesterday. Contentment with neutrality instead of seeking euphoria

-everything cycles. Mood tracking can help me remember that. I have weeks where I feel so sad that im sure I’ve never felt anything except sad but then I look and a journal entry from last month says that I had a few pretty good days in a row actually. And I’ll have a few pretty good days in a row again eventually

hang in there.

[semiweirdshipper]

Hey! I just saw your post where you were looking for DbD questions to get you inspired, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm gonna focus on Pinhead because you know he's my fave. Here's a few:

I was excited to see you make the decision to move forward with Pinhead being the main love interest in Miracle. Can you elaborate more on your thoughts on why you made that choice and your feelings in general on it?

What are your thoughts on Pinhead in DbD in general? Unfortunately I think he gets little love in the fandom, maybe due to people not enjoying him in terms of gameplay and thus not seeking out further material (I don't play the game itself but that is what I've heard), but as someone specifically coming from the Hellraiser fandom I've always felt that people would enjoy him more if they took the time to explore his character outside of the game. He's honestly perhaps the biggest romantic of all the monsters in terms his canon lore, I felt like people would be surprised how well he naturally fits in fanfic romances. That combined with the fact that he's just, inherently, well...he's the high priest of a god of desire. Desire is his thing!

Do you have any other ideas for Pinhead/Reader fic on the back burner?

What about fic you might not want to write, but would enjoy reading from other authors?

(Please feel free to answer those last questions in regards to other Killers too if you like!)

Hi manderley! I'm so happy you stopped by. I've always wanted to talk about Pinny :D

So in Miracle M, I didn't really have a set love interest in mind for the reader. I was just gonna let viewers vote. But as I kept writing Pinhead, I think I just made myself fall in love with his character more and more. Especially in Miracle. He's the only character I've written who sacrifices everything, including love, to save the reader's soul and innocence. Umm... Super attractive??? It wasn't just his personality in Miracle but in all my stories with him. He's my second favorite killer and I can't help but to express it.

I did not know anything about Pinhead until he came to Dbd, and I immediately smelled potential and watched the Hellraiser movie. I don't mind playing against him. I'm just happy he's in the game. It opened up a whole world of opportunities for me, and I took full advantage.

I agree with you about Pinny being underrated. I think it's more of an appearance thing than anything else. His outfits expose open, torn flesh and his pins keep him in upright positions. Plus its difficult to imagine kissing him or being kissed by him (RIP to the folks who love oral fixations). I'm asexual so appearances don't affect me. I just love his characterizations!

He's part of my demon duo. So him and Pyramid Head are my desire reading, reward boys. Like you said, Pinhead is a huge romantic. HUGE. And his love interests is exactly what my readers are- innocent, strong and traumatized. He's the perfect emotional supporter. I jumped in joy when I saw the movie. He's just *mwah" SO PERFECT.

It's sooooooooo fun to write him rivaling Herman. You've seen that, lol! If I can ever finish it, I think you'll love his interactions with the reader in Saddest Journey.

As for future fic ideas, I don't have much planned because my plate is already super full. But, I did come up with a superpower for Pinhead, but it's kind of... Shocking. I'm embarrassed to explain it though, but it will be written out in Knights or Saddest Journey eventually.

I never really think about reading other fics in the slasher fandom because I'm so used to not being able to find what I want which is the opposite of what the entire slasher community stands for. If I want something, I'm used to only relying on myself to provide it, (kinda lonely). That's why I started writing Pinhead so much. I wanted more of him and provided more of him!

Thank you for your question! If you have any others, please feel free to ask!

[riordanness]

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve - tmr!newt

0.6K wordcount

warnings: blood mentions, panic attack mentions, skin condition

requested: no

a/n: excerpt from a much longer fic i’ve been working on during my severe mental and physical health challenges over the course of this year. it’s a little something i mostly wrote for myself to cope, but i thought i’d share a little with you guys, cos it’s nice (??) to have people understand what you’re going through, and tbh i’m kinda proud of how this little piece turned out

Now that the initial shock and panic of arriving here, in the place they call The Glade, is slowly starting to wear off, the pain is taking up most of my attention. Even now, my arms are almost unbearable. The pain is tantalising me, taunting me. Cry, it seems to tell me. Break down in front of all these boys and sob.

I blink, suddenly unsteady on my own feet. “I–I’m gonna go,” I announce, not talking to anyone in particular, and stumble towards the Homestead. I manage to get myself to my room, before my legs give way beneath me and I crumple to the ground, leaning against the wall for support.

My head falls between my knees, and one, heartbroken sob shudders through me, shaking my entire being. The red-hot fire on my skin spreads to my chest, to my tears, to my head. I am distraught, trapped inside this ring of flames, burning me alive, from the inside out.

I’m aching, every bone, every muscle crying out in agony, screaming at me to grant them relief. I can only cry harder, wishing with every ounce of my being that I was able to grant that request.

The hot, itchy ants begin crawling, through the flames, and all over me, smothering me with their little, persistent stomps. I’m choking. Unable to breathe beneath all the itching and the pain.

I scratch roughly at the skin of my wrists and forearms, my nails digging into myself, drawing blood. But still, the itching is unbearable. My nails drag again, again and again, each time harsher than the last.

I don’t know exactly how long I stay like this, crunched into a ball, trying to disappear from this narrative I’m forced into.

I have no memories, but it is obvious this condition (of sorts), is a long term thing. I wonder briefly, in between the pain, how long it has been. How many days, months, years have I been fighting it? Is it even a fight? Or just an endless battle of no hope, and no happiness.

I wonder if it’s the cause of my being here. Maybe I got so fed up and exhausted of this pain and this whole damn thing that I just chose to be sent here. But what would that do? I’m still in pain, obviously. Nothing would have changed regardless of my skin. I dismiss the idea, the wonder still strong in my mind. I was burning with curiosity as to why or how or when or where.

I sigh, long and deep, drawing my knees impossibly closer to my chest, as if squeezing myself tightly into a ball will somehow keep out the pain. Maybe the fire ants can’t get in if I block them out.

The thought of those fiery, itching ants does it for me. My mind collapses. I shake, my sobs violent but deadly quiet. My head hurts, my throat is tightening up in a hot ball of tears, my chest feels like it’s been wrapped in cling wrap way too tightly.

There’s nothing but me.

Me, and the pain, and the tears, and the fire.

Nothing else matters. I don’t have room for it to matter. I’m all full, my space for love and life and joy and laughter taken up by a wretched pain. A chronic condition.

Nothing matters.

Nothing.

At.

All.

Finally, someone finds me. My door squeaks slightly as it’s pushed open, and a boy steps inside. My tears blur my vision, so the figure is hard to make out at first. I brush angrily at the tears, hating to be found like this.

“Hey, hey.” It’s Newt’s voice, soft and gentle. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay.”

He gathers me hesitantly into his arms, awkwardly hushing my cries. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he keeps saying, keeping his voice steady. Eventually, I calm down, wiping the last of my tears away. My breathing is still shaky, though, and my voice trembles when I pull myself away from Newt.

“Thank you,” I say. “Um, I–I’m sorry you had to see that.” I might not remember my old self, or my past, but I was uncomfortable with him seeing me like this. It made me feel vulnerable, too open. I instinctively close myself off from Newt, physically shifting away from him, as I stare at the roughly built wooden floor.

“Are you alright?”

I hesitate, then I slowly shake my head, still avoiding looking at him. It feels wrong for someone to have seen me like that. Seen me looking that weak and pathetic. Crying my eyes out on the floor just because of a little bit of pain.

Well, a lot of pain, but how can you possibly explain that to someone?

“Do you want me to stay?” Newt asks, his tone still gentle and reassuring.

I shake my head again, a lot more firmly this time. “I’m okay. Thanks, but I’ll be okay.”

Newt gets to his feet, but still crouches beside me for a second, lingering.

“I’m fine.” It comes out harsher than I mean it to.

“Alright, okay.” He straightens, lets out a tiny sigh I don’t think I’m supposed to hear, and leaves, quietly shutting the door behind him.

I don’t move from the floor for a while, exactly how long I have no way to tell. The sunlight slowly dims, eventually leaving me in darkness. Still, I remain curled into a ball on the floor, my head aching dully, and my heart aching even worse.

I feel terrible for snapping at Newt like I did, but then I remember the feeling of crying in his arms, feeling stripped bare, my true self laid out for him to see. The memory makes me shiver for some reason.

[vanillaxoshi]

well this might be more different than in my head(this is part of the solfang thing-)

Note: they are 11 at this time

"People know you, they just dont like you" Air bluntly said to Cahaya who looked up to him in suprise

"Who will not like me?!" Cahaya scoffed as he looks at Air in disbelief

"I mean its a common misconception that people will often think low of someone superiorly higher than them, afraid to admit the fact that they are indeed. Stupid." Cahaya glared at air as he proves a supposed point

"That. That's one of the reasons"

"What that? About them being stupid?"

"No. your overconfidence, the other kids dont like it."

"What- what's wrong with that?"

"Some students think its annoying, like me, sometimes i think its annoying" Api intervened the two boys conversation

"Or maybe its the big words you would say, which i dont understand" Api leaned on Air as he gestured

"Are you making fun of me api?"

"No! Look, as your older brothers! We would want you to have friends and… not be alone?"

"Nonsense! Do you think im lonely? Im fine being alone. I choose to be alone." Cahaya pushed off Api who shoulder hugged him

Api on the other hand bluntly looked at him in a deadpan expression. As all the siblings know how much of a wreck Cahaya could be if he's alone, no matter how many times he says its okay

"There is a difference between loneliness and being alone alright!! And I have…friends…" Cahaya expressed loudly

"Alright who?"

"Gopal, Yaya, yin-"

"Except them, because they're more of tanah, angin and petir's friends"

"Eh- what?! They're still our friends!"

"Yeah our, but what about yours" Air stated which left Cahaya in stunned silence, it took moments before he scoffed

"I mean its not hard to make friends, i could have one easily" Cahaya crossed his arms as he huffed confidently as the other two sighed

"And i'd show you people like me!!!" Cahaya exited the classroom unto the next class(science)

"You think there's a chance he might get made fun of?" Air asks his older brother

"If he comes crying, I'll find them." Api says as he clenches his fist

.

.

.

At the chemistry lab, they're all assigned to have lab partners, all following a procedure that the teacher is showing

Cahaya, who didn't need to watch the teacher's every step, is almost finished with his set but may have done all the work 

His lab partner, Dhia, was sitting patiently at the side, certainly giving an aura of joy by being partnered by the smartest kid in school

She sat patiently as Cahaya finished and called upon the teacher to grade them. And since they were the first to finish they could sit out the rest of the period.

"Uh, hey? Sorry for letting you do all the work. I didnt know what i could do since its like you already know what to do" Dhia says to the White capped septuplet who instantly looked at her

"It was expected, i am a natural at doing concoctions like those, so you should very much be glad by being partnered with me and earning a high score" Cahaya states bluntly and arrogantly causing the girl to scoff and look away

Cahaya, however took notice and now was contemplating whether or not on what Air said was true

Cahaya took a moment before eventually trying to talk to the girl 

"Uh hey…. I uh didnt mean it in a bad way-?" Cahaya avoided eye contact

"Why do you sound like you dont know?"

"Uh well- i mean partial of what i said was true, but i didn't mean it in a bad way" he tried

"Hm its okay.."

"Uh since noone else is done, um what do you like to talk about?????" Cahaya tried looking at the girl face to face, but failed in doing so

"Uh i dont know?"

"Do you wanna know about dinosaurs?"

"Sure i guess"

Cahaya beamed because he got to start a conversation, now he just has to finish and gain a friend approval

And so he started spouting facts and information about dinosaurs with enthusiasm, speaking within rapid pace

Unknowingly to him the girl started to get uncomfortable

"Uh can you stop? Your talking too much, its starting to get annoying." Dhia said in an annoyed tone before looking away leaving Cahaya to silence

He stared for a few seconds before looking away in return, obviously distraught by the tone and dialogue that the girl expressed

.

.

.

This type of situation continued on for the next classes, where he would attempt to create a conversation but would inevitably end up with the other commenting on his actions

He didnt even know why people are like this when he was explicitly just sharing information

Wasn't that good?? He was basically giving them a free tutor session, they get to know more for the studies that they need. What was wrong??? He remembers their comments

A common one being that he talks too much or too fast, he thinks why its a problem? Can they not process the information? Oh! He thinks aloud

It was because they were idiots who couldn't comprehend such information! They can't understand because of their measly little brains! That's right! That's the reason! He came to a conclusion as he walks to the canteen

They don't understand him because they're too dumb! They're the problem not him. He convinces himself, excluding the fact that he makes comments that are quite similar

He sniffled. Is he crying? Nonsense. Why would he cry? It's not his fault! He convinces himself once more as he wipes tears dripping down his cheek

He took a deep breath and calmed down the swirled emotions he's feeling

A snack might calm him down, he thinks as bought a donut

But before he leaves, a shout was heard behind him

"What?! There's no more carrot donuts!!!???" Yelled by a boy, perhaps the same age as him "yes dear, only white radish donuts are left" 

"But it's not the same maam!!"

Was this boy really creating such a fuss over one donut??? I mean I guess favourite foods are a thing.

He watches the boy sulk on the counter and now felt a tinge of guilt upon his own body 

He sighed walking up to the sulking boy.

"Here. Is this what you want?" Cahaya lended the carrot donut he just bought

"Eh?! A carrot donut! Yes- wait petir?!" That comment made Cahaya twitch

"What." He gritted his teeth, he understands that people will get them mixed up because of course they are all identical and that is why they have let's say colour codes, but despite that, it still irritates him especially when now, he got mixed up with his eldest brother

"I am NOT petir, excuse you." He retracted his arm while looking the boy up and down

"Angin?" "No." "Tanah?" "No im cahaya- have you not heard of us being septuplets?? Or do you just know about the three of them" Cahaya asked the boy infront of him

"I heard- but its still weird." "Are you gonna take the donut or not???" The boy eyed the pastry on his hand

"Why are you looking at it suspiciously, do you think I poisoned it?" Cahaya says in irritation

"Did you-?" "Of course NOT!!!" "Why are you mad-" "because of you!! Now take it!!" Cahaya's anger was rising by the minute

"Okay… thank you?"

"You're welcome."

"I've noticed you siblings have to have words for names"

"Why? What's your name??" He rolled his eyes

Before the boy could answer, the said boy eyed at him which made Cahaya glare back

"Fang."

"What type of name is that?"

"You have no right to talk"

"At least light makes a good name!"

"Fang as well makes a good name!!!"

"I guess you siblings are just as irritating" Fang spoke in a moment of silence causing an argument to rise up once more

"Ahh so you're the big jerk they were ranting about!" Cahaya came to the conclusion gesturing at the boy

"Big jerk?!"

"Yeah! The kid who not only scared people in that old house, but also the kid who kept ranting about popularity!!!" 

"I dont rant about popularity!"

"Well that's what they said!!! Guh i dont even know why im wasting my time with an idiot like you!"

"Idiot? I have high grades, thank you very much."

"IM LEAVING" Cahaya stomped away leaving a very ticked off fang meanwhile, the lady behind the counter just drank some tea watching the encounter

Before the two could part ways, something caught Fang's attention

"What's that?" He uttered out, heard by Cahaya who turned around in response

"Are you talking to me?"

"Who else would I be asking?"

"What do you mean whats that"

"What your holding.."

"This? This. Is obviously a book."

"What type of book is it." Fang gritted his teeth at the boys comment

Another moment of silence, before Cahaya could speak up. "Zoology." He says as he calms down

"Animals?" "Yes of course animals" he leaves yet another remark which caused fang to get ticked off again

"This school or perhaps schools, don't explicitly teach about every animal so it's  better to search for it yourself." Cahaya calmly states looking down at the book he's holding

"Can i read it?" Fang hesitated

"... I don't know, since its a library book" Cahaya says as he holds the book close to his chest

"I'm not gonna mess it up, and i'll return it."

Fang reassures the hesitant boy

"Nonsense, it's more efficient if i teach to you about it myself, as there are more information that's not implicitly included in this book" Cahaya says which may have sounded a little arrogant

"I don't think i would want you to read it for me" Fang says

"Well it doesn't mean i would read it to you, you could still read it, i could just supervise"

"Do you really not trust me"

"That's not what I'm implying!!"

Cahaya rejected an assumption immediately, i guess he'd admit that his tone and comments may express some disinterests or rudeness but that's not what he entirely meant it to be

From the comments he himself has received, he would at least wanna try changing it up. But It may take some time

"I dont know…" Fang says very unsure, especially with his history from three of his brothers despite it just being in a timeline of just days

"I'm not like my brothers."

"You are."

"Maybe some similarities, but not the exact same."

Fang still was quite hesitant, but for a moment. He agrees.

The lady behind the counter just witnessed a whole tv episode.

.

.

.

Despite the two being in the same room, it was just utter silence as Fang reads the book while Cahaya sat beside. He didn't know what to do in this situation than leave the other be

Time passes while the silence increases, other than the ticking clock and the noise of paper, noone is making a sound 

An awkward situation for the white capped boy

Though soon, the silence was broken by a question

"How come, deers, don't see the tiger who approaches them?" Fang asked the boy

Cahaya, snapped out of it. Began stuttering

"Uh- eh. W-well, a tiger's prey, a sambar deer can only see through green and blue light, they don't see.. red. Which is where the colour orange belongs, so that means the a tiger's fur coat is green to them, making the tiger a natural predator" Cahaya explained to the other

"Ah so the tiger can camouflage" Fang simplified "yeah. Like that."

"Is there… something called a black tiger?" 

"you're referring to panthers or more specifically the black panther, there are more so called black tigers before the 20th century, they could be leopards, jaguars, lions or tigers because their term black panther is just referring to a melanistic member of the big cats. Or the Panthera family, Black panthers aren't specifically black just more so full colour, like if you see a melanistic leopard or jaguar bathe in sunlight, they would be brown with black spots. But more normally they would look quite goldish, beautiful colours. And uh-" Cahaya stopped himself from explaining further

"Why did you stop?" Fang asked as he puts the book down

"I thought it might've been…. Disruptive… to your focus" Cahaya uttered out to the boy

"Its not disruptive, and i guess i would pretty much want to hear the facts" Fang says as he closes the book facing cahaya

"Don't you think i'm talking alot or talking too fast?" Cahaya gestured 

"No, well, yes, but i dont mind, especially if you im allowed to ask questions." Fang says reassuringly

"Ah…..you don't mind?"

"Yeah, and i think i would like to hear more, you give out a full description without wasting too much time."

"Huh, really?"

"Mhm"

"Hm….. thanks i guess?"

"Now, can you continue"

"Heh, of course!"

This continued until the bell rang and it was time to go home, it felt nice, cahaya thought. To just explain without being disrupted… 

Does this mean they're friends? Or just mutuals, will he be able to talk to him again. Well of course they are in the same school. Hmm he feels nice….

Forgetting the events that happened before with other students, he felt relieved. He smiles as he walks towards his brothers who were waiting by the gate, ready to go home.

[sincerely-sofie]

I can imagine that the other legendaries may have some amount of fun at the Hero’s expense sometimes. They are legendaries after all… why not mess around with their ‘speedruns’ (after sufficiently punishing Darkari for the first bit of chaos anywho before letting them go back to their duties).

Kyogre and Groudon settling beef by making half the planet more monsoonal while the other gets more hot and desert like.

Eturnatus, Xerneus and Necrozma turn on Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution for a few runs

Hoopa and a few other mythical taking bets on the Hero’s successes or failures

—-

With the only one trying to actually assist the hero now being Dialga when they aren’t being forced to go crazy for the sake of time being messed up.

Like, imagine the potential of Dialga knowing the Hero when they first meet… trying to actively help them, tell them Arceus and the other legendaries are messing around and how to stop this Dugtrio Day scenario but is forced into their Primal state as the time gears keep on being moved out of the tower every loop.

Maybe Giratina is a sort of ‘mysterious benefactor’ of sorts and helping the Hero and Partner slowly piece together what’s going on.

Buuuuuut that’s just my own take away into this AU. Caio

(Referring to this post)

Sorely tempted to write up a Dugtrio Day oneshot or maybe outline an AU myself if the lovely anon who started this awesome chain of ideas is chill with it. Giratina as a mysterious benefactor is brilliant, and I love the idea of Palkia also chipping in after Dialga is forced into Primal-ness. Those three don’t like each other, but they are ultimately loyal to one another. Like— Everybody stop picking on the mortal, that’s Dialga’s mortal, stop being mean to the poor thing! Don’t make me come over there! HOOPA STOP TELEPORTING THEM TO RANDOM LOCATIONS EVERY TIME THEY BLINK IT’S NOT FUNNY

I wonder if Celebi would have memories completely unaffected by the loop like the hero’s are, or at least partially. It would be interesting for her to do research on how to break the cycle but lose crucial memories with each run, almost to the point of feeling like it’s one step forward and two steps back.

Oh man, imagine being the partner in this story. Like, your best friend eventually tells you that they’ve lived through the last year / whatever length of time hundreds of times, and with every restart, you forget who they are, and they have to go through everything all over again. You hear that and you instantly decide that this run— whatever number it is— is going to be the last.

You start doing everything you can to prevent your friend from restarting the loop, try begging and bargaining and everything you can think of, but they’re so worn down and resigned that the only joy they can find in things is seeing how fast they can can get them done. They continue on their mission. You drag your feet, and eventually, you stop entirely. You decide that if your friend has lost hope, you have to find a way to give it to them, and you set off to find a way to break the loop yourself. You miss them so much, and it’s a race against the clock, but you finally figure out the solution, and you’re just about to activate it when—

…

Hey, what’s that? Someone’s collapsed on the sand! You should go help them!

[starlitiris]

The Feeling (part 1)

wrote this a few nights ago while I was in a spooky mood and ended up having to split it into two parts because it was too long </3

Here's part 2

SUMMARY: Reader is just an average person living a normal life, then Feitan moves in next door. He gives you an unsettling feeling, and eventually you find out why.

WARNINGS: mentions of torture, implied torture

You’d always felt like something was off about him.

You weren’t even really sure why.

Was it something he did maybe, that made you feel this way?

No. If that was the case, then you would know what it was.

Sure, he was a little antisocial and said strange things sometimes, but that wasn’t enough to warrant feeling unsettled by him.

You could never figure it out, so you just decided to ignore the feeling. You shouldn’t have.

For a while after he moved in next door, he was very standoffish to the surrounding residents.

You gave him a few days to settle in before you decided to go knock on his door. You wanted to welcome him to the neighborhood.

He didn’t answer.

But you could hear him inside.

Didn’t like being bothered, you guessed.

A few weeks later, you ran into each other in an aisle at your local bookstore. It seemed you both had similar taste in books.

Horror.

You wanted to wave at him, maybe say hi, but he didn’t even bother looking at you. Perhaps he just didn’t notice that you were standing next to him.

You minded your own business until you saw him picking up one of, in your opinion, the most underrated books of all time. It was your favorite, but you felt like you were alone in that.

You’ve read many reviews of the book online, and they all had negative opinions on it. ‘The ending wasn’t satisfying, that flashback added nothing to the overall story, this character’s actions didn’t make sense, blah, blah, blah.’ They just didn’t get it.

None of those people saw the point that the author was trying to get across. Nobody understood how significant that flashback was, or how that one character doing what he did made sense because of it. If only they read between the lines. And because nobody could look beneath the surface, they didn’t get to see - or feel - how powerful the ending was.

But you digress. You try not to get too worked up about these things. It is just a book, after all.

Your neighbor seemed interested in what the summary on the back of the book had to say.

His apparent interest excited you, so you finally said something to him.

“That one’s really good,” you blurted with a smile.

He looked at you, raising an eyebrow.

“I highly recommend it. It’s one of my favorites.” You gleefully added.

“Hm.” Was all he responded with.

It’s okay. He bought the book. You were happy.

About a week or so later, you ran into him again. This time at the food market. You weren’t going to bother him again, but this time he came up to you.

“Hey,” he started. “I finished the book.”

You smiled hopefully. “So… what do you think?”

You know he’s probably just going to say the same thing everyone else says, but you wanna stay optimisti-

“Was good,” he said, a faint smile gracing his lips. “I really liked it.”

Your eyes lit up in joy. Finally! Someone you could appreciate your favorite book with!

“Really? I’m surprised! Most people don’t like it. They’ll complain about all the ‘meaningless backstory’ and how the torture scenes were written.” You crossed your arms and rolled your eyes at the stupid critiques people have on this masterpiece.

“That so?” He asked. “Thought it was well written. Felt real.”

“I thought so, too! Though, it’s not like I have any real experiences to compare it to.” You laughed at your silly and obvious admittance.

That smile.

That was the first time you got the feeling.

The feeling that something was wrong about him.

But it was just a smile. He was talking to you, and seemingly enjoying your conversation. Don’t be ridiculous.

That’s what you would tell yourself.

From that point on you two started waving at each other or saying hi when you’d cross paths in town.

Every time you met in the bookstore, you would give each other recommendations on what to read next. Sometimes one of you recommended something that the other person had already read, and you would talk about it. Your favorite moments, little critiques you had, how the story made you feel. It was nice. You felt like you were making a friend.

Eventually you boldened up and asked him to come over for dinner.

Honestly, you expected him to decline.

But he agreed to come over.

So he did.

And he kept coming over.

You were glad you could call him a friend at that point. You really did enjoy each other’s company.

The more time you spent together, the more you would learn about him.

You learned that he has a friend named Phinks. You found out he likes horror movies, too. He doesn’t like pets. He never cared much for music. He’s a little short tempered, and he collects knives.

You liked learning things about him. But, oddly enough, the more you learned about him, the less it felt like you knew.

You couldn’t get him to tell you what his job was. You think he’s on a graveyard shift, though. There’s been a couple times where you woke up in the middle of the night needing water or the bathroom, and you saw him out the window. Dragging something into his house.

You couldn’t tell what he was dragging in the dark, but it looked big.

No idea what that could’ve been.

You asked if you could hang out at his house once, wanting to know what his place looked like.

He made it clear that wasn’t happening.

The look he gave you was indescribable. It gave you that feeling again.

He said no, and you decided not to push. Maybe he just likes his space. That’s not hard to understand, right?

Sometimes you would hear noises coming from his house.

Strange noises.

It never sounded like what you would expect to hear. Like floor creaking, dishes clinking together while being washed, voices from a tv.

Though, sometimes you can definitely hear when he’s watching a horror film.

‘He must have really good speakers connected to his tv,’ you would think to yourself. ‘The wailing almost sounds too real.’

But those strange noises were always impossible for you to distinguish.

Sometimes they sounded… wet. Heavy. Something about the sound sent chills down your spine. You didn’t hear it often enough to complain about it, but it was definitely disgusting.

Other times it sounded like a thick crack, like something breaking. Though, you couldn’t imagine what.

There were nights when you heard crack after crack.

You thought that whatever he was doing in there, he must’ve enjoyed having on a horror movie while he did it.

You often heard muffled cries and pleas while he… did his thing.

You wanted to ask about it. But you didn’t.

Maybe a part of you was scared to.

Or maybe you just didn’t deem it important enough to bother asking.

Either way, it’s probably a good thing you didn’t. Or perhaps you would’ve ended up here sooner, and not by your own volition.

“Here” being in Feitan’s house.

[xxx-sir-pentious-xxx]

Hey. Can You Do A Sequel Of You're Fanfic 'Cant take it any longer' Like Where Emily Hires A Suicide Watch (Maybe Potential Friend?) For Sir Pentious?

Since I got jammed up and depressed were gonna get something a little different.

A Mothers Love

Emily scrounged the books to find if Sir Pentious' mother was in Heaven, rubbing her head she strained to find a fit.

Abha Pendleton...

"मुझे तुम्हारी याद आई, मुझे लगा कि तुम कभी नहीं आओगे..."

Was the first thing Pentious heard, it made his heart pound in shock and sudden joy and he whipped around to see the most beautiful being. Like looking at a painting. He felt like a tiny boy again beaming up at his mummy she was so tall.

Her skin was blue like his exactly but with gold accents and she was wearing modern clothes. She was a fresh spirit, loves to be in the moment and modern. Yet here she was playing memories of the past as she held her baby, no matter how old he was she saw her baby.

"Oh God your finally home.. gosh... how you end up a cobra? I'm jealous..."

She jokes and cups his face as he cried with those big eyes that really reminded her of his toddler self. He had the face that could tear your heart in two then four. Right now it's doing it to her.

"Oh please dont cry... you... you're gonna.."

She started to cry not able to handle those tears and they bawled together on their way to her home.

They calmed down eventually and prepares to share a meal together she had been cooling off.

A entirely vegetarian meal of curry and some french styled bread as she simple never favored the flatbread with curry.

Pentious ate with her gleefully, not noticing the spices that used to burn his mouth.

"When did you get a iron belly?", she poked.

"Hmm. Oh when I was in Hell, most the food was super fiery and tough to eat in general. This isnt even spicy to me."

She blinked processing at last,

"You.. were in Hell?.. howd you get here??"

He explained to her in depth and she was surprised all the same.

"Damn..."

They finished eating and started to get ready to sleep, forcing Pentious to curl around her so she could feel safe for once when she slept. Like someone could actually keep her safe for once.

She fell asleep first and Pentious just watched her sleep, the habit never leaving him to observe until he drifted off while feeling her heart beat through her back.

Finally something to live for.

[dajaregambler]

indefinite hiatus

Howdy doody.

This may seem as a sudden notice, but it is not to me. It is a matter that I have thought about many times, over and over again. On the other hand, I have also tried to ignore it in the hopes of it going away. Obviously, that did not work out.

Back during my trip to Japan, I had rekindled my love for the Japanese language and it is still strong as ever. In fact I have decided to pursue it academically so that I can continue to work with it, ideally in localisation. After the struggle I had with school that felt like it lasted an eternity, I was quite proud of myself to pick up from where my attempt at university in 2018 to 2020 left me off. 

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. It is actually a similar sort of situation I found myself in earlier this year.

What I’m doing right now… is it fun?

Helios Rising Heroes was a pick me up in 2020. I had lost my drive for Japanese after giving up on academics, and seeing how Keith and Brad interacted made me curious about their story. I went further in the world of HeliosR, and before I knew it I was enamored with it. So much so that I felt compelled to share this love, to let people know the charms of these characters. I started out with translating content of my favorite character, then to the whole sector, eventually other characters and so on. It was a challenge, and that challenge helped me grow in many ways.

However somewhere down this road, I kept battling this one question: who am I doing this for? I thought for myself, but it wasn’t. It became a responsibility to fill in the gaps. I did not care about North at all, yet seeing that one Halloween event stay untranslated the entire time bothered me, so I picked it up myself and hey, it worked out. North Sector is one of my fave sectors now, but that’s what became an issue. I started picking up too much to do, for the sole sake of it being translated. I didn’t limit myself because moderation is a word that didn’t exist to me back then. Even now it sort of doesn’t, but I like to think I’ve gotten better at it.

Another issue is that I love Helios, I really, really do. It means a lot to me, but translating it is actively ruining it for me at the same time. I feel the need to step away and enjoy it without feeling responsible, but I also feel guilty for thinking so. I have stuff I started and need to finish. And that’s where I found myself stuck at a stalemate, almost to the point of ignoring Helios and I don’t want that. I had fun earlier this year translating the new West sector event, and all of chapter two of SITD, but it was short lived. I went right back to that stalemate that had been haunting me.

The combination of biting off more than what I can chew, with halfhearted feelings behind it, is what leaves me dull. There is no “fun” to be had. 

I will say what I said earlier this year, about a different project I translated at the time: 

“Is it that serious? That I’m dropping a series that I have translated? No, probably not. Happens all the time, I’m sure there are others waiting in line to continue what I was doing, or maybe not. Who knows.

But to me, it is, and that’s why I wanted to convey it in a long hefty post.

As closure, I will share some words of one of my favourite manga. Something I live by, and will for as long as possible.

“The world is filled to the brim with nice things… and all of them are carrying someone’s intentions and feelings.

When those feelings get across and manage to make someone happy… I gain little pieces of confidence,

that I’ll gather together and carry with me as I move on.”

And I believe something like that, is only achievable when you do something that is fun, to you.”

This isn’t the end, it never is. However for me to move on, to find joy again, I have to say it like this. Perhaps one could say I am a fan of theatrics in this regard. 

For now, and the unforeseen future, I simply want to step back from translating Helios Rising Heroes. Focus on truly mastering Japanese (my conversational skills are as abhorrent as they could be) and perhaps even study abroad. Not only that, but find fun in Helios again, by simply enjoying it without feeling a responsibility nagging at me every single waking moment I think about this series. It’s a bit of a shame to leave things here when I haven’t finished chapter 3 of SITD, but I think this is the best choice for me, going forward.

Once again, thank you for reading this post and my translations. Thank you for being able to find enjoyment in Helios Rising Heroes through my translations. This blog will stay up as an archive and will not be going anywhere.

As I said, it is not the end of the road for me. I will perhaps be around on another ventures regarding translations, and we might cross paths once more. And hopefully said ventures do not include a repetition of past mistakes. I am positive it won't though.

One day, I may or may not come back to this either, but for now it is atleast a farewell. 

またね！

p.s (Imagine I said "farewell" with a wink, two sparkles, and rose being thrown in the air as I made my dramatic exit into the horizon while the amber sun sets.)