#and her response isn't 'hey you just hurt me and potentially put my life on the line'

[thebardscipher]

🤩

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write? Oh this depends on fandoms and fic and au lol Let me go look at my AO3 to see what I'm currently playing in lol or played a lot in in the past...

For Sonic in general its probably Tails (there is a reason like 90% of my AUs center around him). He's just this kid that's smarter than most adult but at the same time is still a kid. Also I like writing him having a slight rebellious streak because I write him at like the age of ten, and "I'm not a child anymore, I don't need to be guarded at all times, I've done things on my own, I can help out here!" (And also, his role model is AND he was raised by Sonic who is also very much a "I'm going to help out even if the situation could put my life at risk" person) so I like writing him going "I'm going to do this potential dangerous thing!" "No, you could get hurt!" *Already leaving to do said thing* "You can't tell me what to do!" Except in one of my AUs, where my favorite character to write is Kero (yes, Kero for Cardcaptor Sakura) because its such a DIFFERENT setting and set of characters. Sakura is this NORMAL 4th grader who is suddenly flung into having magic, questions the fact that there IS magic but not HOW THE MAGIC WORKS. Isn't willing to pick a fight (which is part of Sakura's charm DON'T GET ME WRONG! Her being an absolute sweetheart even to things that could possibly be threatening her life is one of my favorite things about her) and creates a whole new card due to her emotions. And instead of dealing with a kid like Sakura, Kero is now dealing with this chaotic ten year old who goes on world saving adventures every week. Who's response to "If the cards are not caught, a great disaster will befall the world" is "Is it going to break into pieces? Surely it can't be worse than that, so I think we can handle this." Who doesn't question the magic, BUT ASKS HOW THE MAGIC WORKS and has a full notebook of what Kero can tell him up to that point and who, again, is in a fight on a near weekly basis. And again, Kero and Sonic will tell Tails "Hey, this cards sounds dangerous and life threatening....maybe we should wait until you have a card powerful enough to take care of it" and Tails is like "No." and sneaks off in the middle of the night. For Disney Dreamlight Valley currently, its my self insert/the player character. You could argue Oswald and coming up with all the little stories that the characters in the valley are slowly remembering, but I think writing The Player Character is more fun because she can be as chaotic as I want her to be or as "Okay let's solve this mystery" as I need her to be. Also I can throw in little bits about myself (there's this section of her walking on sand with Donald laughing at her because she hates the sand. That's me....sand is no...) and have it still completely in character. I feel like this might be a cop out though soooo sorry. For when I wrote a lot of Ducktales fanfics, it was Lena. I like characters who have a small dip into villainy but throw the show of kindness and love and just the fact that people care about them, they realize that they don't have to be. And relationship she had with Webby and its just *bounce bounce bounce* vs "yeah sure whatever" was fun. Its been a while since I wrote in that fandom though... Its like 2:30am and I feel like my thoughts are a bit rambley now, sorry about that lol

[mandareeboo]

[Drabble Prompt] Every year Mariner makes it a point to light a few candles, for the crew who weren’t as skilled or as lucky.

"Are those real candles? Like, not replicated- actual, physical candles?"

"No shit, Boimler," Mariner said, wiggling them onto metal posts one by one. The reek of old wax and vanilla is suffocating, but she doesn't seem bothered. "Gotta bring the good stuff to the post."

Boimler looked up and shivered. Calling it a mortuary would be kindness. Names and names piled onto a dusty holograph board, settled into a sort of nook. They have them in the middle of every ship, Boimler's been told, but he only has two as evidence. He knew they can't exactly keep records on rocks in Starfleet- so many accidents, so many chances of it getting lose and crushing someone- but it feels so... piddly compared to a tombstone.

But people always find ways to grieve, he supposes. Candles and flowers and photos were carefully erected around the damn thing, making it look a bit like an object of worship. Layers of wax clung to everything- side effect of running a big ship that gets shot at; liquids get everywhere- and as Mariner pulls out her lighter he can't help but feel like he's back in his grandma's sunday church.

"You really come here every year?" Boimler asks, trying to go for teasing and light. "What is this, a holy day for you?"

"First time someone died on me was today."

"Oh. Oh, shit, Beck, I'm-"

"Dude. Don't apologize. I wouldn't share if I wasn't cool with it." Mariner flicked her light closed. She had requested a zippo, mostly out of the need to look cool. "I was a 3rd class on my... third day? Fourth? Dumbass thought it'd be a smart idea to take off his mask and huff a strangely colored gas filling our ship during an emergency to see if it was safe."

Boimler's jaw drops open. "What was he on?"

"Knowing him? Probably some bland Earth shrooms." Mariner leaned her front hands on the stone in front of her, hovering over the gently burning candles. "You know, I never see you here."

"You only come once a year."

"I only bring candles once a year. I visit before every major planned mission."

"That's a bit excessive, isn't it?"

"It's good luck. Maybe you oughta try it sometime."

He tilted his head back again. The list went on, and on, and on, and he knew every small scribble was someone who died on the Cerritos, but he'd be hard-pressed to read any of them with the font they used. "I just... don't like being here."

"You're scared," Mariner guessed, correctly, "You don't wanna end up on here, huh?"

"I want my name to mean something more to people than a shitty bulletin written in, like, .05 size font. There's nothing wrong with that," he asserted.

"Hey, man, I get it. Everyone wants to matter." She turned and leaned back on the stone, the better to look at him with. Boimler privately feared she'd set her shirt on fire. "But this is space, dude. You know how many names up here were future Captains, but then they fell into a weird warp, or they hit the wrong button in the airlock, or they died in brutal conquest by other aliens?" Mariner pokes him in the chest. "You gotta be okay with this, just in case."

"Just in case," he echoed, and scoffed. "Like you have to worry about this."

"Boimler," Mariner said, surprisingly serious, "if I get some fancy burial because of nepotism, you better desecrate me so damn hard."

Boimler can't quite stop himself from spluttering a laugh, putting his hands on his knees while he rides it out. Mariner gave him her typical I-did-that-on-purpose smirk as he cleared his throat.

"Betcha I could outlive you," he said finally.

"No deal," Mariner said, but she seems relieved by his settling. As if she'd been hoping this trip would help him look at life a bit more objectively. "Captain pulls me aside all the time tellin' me how I'll definitely be on the next yearly release. We start a pool and chances are good she'll start making attempts."

[sulphuryasecretcloset]

His children

(How did Davarax end up with his troubled children?)

“Davarax. A word.”

Slightly surprised, Davarax glances over as Mardsk walks towards him. The guy is one of the Teachers, one who rarely spoke to the Fighting Corps. Sure, Davarax had been a Teacher once too but that was years ago and most just consider him a Fighter now.

“What can I help you with, ner vod?” Davarax asks, curious.

Mardsk comes to a halt in front of him, seems to struggle for words and gives a big sigh before he just jumps into it. “Paz Vizla.”

Davarax frowns. The heir to the Vizla clan, he's seen the young boy around and knows he will one day be a valuable member of the Fighting Corps, judging by his size and love for battle. “What about him?”

“He's a problem.” Mardsk blurts out. “The boy is a bully. He keeps picking on my Spring Class, beats them up and terrifies them.”

Davarax' frown deepens and he crosses his arms thoughtfully. “Wait. Your Spring Class? Aren't they, what, three or four years older than him?”

“Yeah, so?” Mardsk replies with a slight edge to his voice. “The boy is a bully nonetheless. He's disruptive and constantly challenging my authority, thinking he's above the rules because he's a Vizla.”

“And what do you want me to do about it?” Davarax does not like where this is going.

“You train him.” Mardsk plows on. “You have experience with difficult kids and you know she would approve of us keeping the Vizla clan quiet.”

Not liking Mardsk using his connection to her one bit, Davarax still doesn't reject the request right away. He's always had a weakness for the outcasts. “Let me talk to him...”

And true to his word, later that day, Davarax hunts down the kid. He finds him sitting in one of the study rooms, reading on one of the datapads there.

Paz Vizla is big, Davarax has no trouble seeing how he can take on and defeat children years older than himself, but there is nothing menacing about the young boy right now. He is devouring the information on the datapad, which a quick peek reveals to be Mandalorian history. Interesting.

“Hey.” Davarax gets his attention. “You know who I am?”

Paz looks up at him, slightly curious but completely self-assured. “Yeah. You're Davarax. You're-”

Davarax nods. “That's me. Pleased to meet you, Paz Vizla.”

Now Paz frowns and he sits up a little straighter. “What do you want?” There is a challenge in his words as well as in the insolent stare. He is his father's son, alright.

“I wanted to meet you.” Davarax sits on the desk next to him. “Because they want me to train you.”

“Figures.” Paz scoffs with obvious contempt. “Mardsk is a coward.”

Amused, Davarax tilts his head and scans the kid's body language. It's a wonderful mess of arrogance and insecurity. He's angry, but also clearly hurt by Mardsk's action. Not completely corrupted by his father, then. Good. “He just knows when he's out of his league. That's not a bad thing, ad'ika. It can save your life outside the Covert.” Davarax sees the youngster wobbling between the lingering hurt and the inferred compliment. “So, would you be okay with that? Me training you?”

Paz looks at him, scans him in return and leans back in his chair. “Why would you want to do that? You're on the Fighting Corps. You don't do teacher stuff anymore.”

Davarax shrugs. “I might make an exception for you.”

“For me? Why? Because I'm a Vizla?” Paz drawls, suspicious.

“No.” Davarax says. “Because I think you have a lot of potential and you will do great things for the Covert. I also think that maybe you need someone who understands you a little better to help that happen.”

Paz shifts uneasily on his chair, his gaze flickers and ruins his pretend arrogance. He swallows and makes himself meet Davarax' gaze. “And that's you?”

“That's me.”

“And who is to say you won't just hand me off to some other teacher?”

Davarax shakes his head. “I won't do that.” His words are calm and secure, no doubt whatsoever.

Paz considers it, then turns back to the datapad and shrugs. “Fine. Sure. Whatever.”

And just like that, Davarax had the first of what would be known as the Fearsome Four.

It takes a long time for him to gain Paz' trust and respect, but with a calm and steady approach, not responding to Paz' tantrums but rather making him use his words; the boy's energy is eventually channeled where it is meant to go.

It doesn't mean Paz stops getting into fights, not by a long shot, but now he at least goes after the ones capable of defending themselves and guilty of some kind of offense, and not just some random victim that crosses Paz' path.

Then comes the morning when Davarax hears a knock on the door to his quarters, opens it and finds another teacher standing there with a tight grip on a tiny, skinny boy's neck.

The boy stares sullenly at the floor, curly hair poking up at all angles, the neckline of his shirt pulled a little to the side and showing a prominent collarbone due to his skinniness. His tiny hands are clenched into tight fists. That is how Davarax meets Barthor.

Unlike Paz, Barthor doesn't show much emotion at being 'handed off' to a new teacher, but those eyes speak volumes. He is furious and filled with spite. Being small and skinny in a society that values strength and fighting abilities can't be easy, but he's been getting back at them in inventive and sometimes fire hazardous ways. Davarax could smell the stench of singed hair through his air filter when the teacher had appeared on his doorstep with the little culprit.

Barthor had pulled one stunt after another,a proper troublemaker, but what Davarax admires is the fact that they were never able to prove it was him. Not once. That speaks of intelligence. So he agrees to train him as well.

Where Paz uses anger and brute strength to intimidate, Barthor immediately tries to sneak his way into Davarax' brain and heart, mapping Davarax' mind to manipulate him while trying to act small and helpless to appeal to his protective instinct. Sneaky little thing. He's going to go far in life.

It turns out that once Barthor realizes that Davarax doesn't fall for his tricks, but treats him with respect and actually talks to him and not over him, the little one thaws and becomes his shadow.

It's kind of cute, really.

Paz isn't pleased at first, but decides the runt isn't a threat or a challenge so he ends up mostly ignoring Barthor, who keeps a wary distance in return. They focus on Davarax, not each other.

“Please...” A third teacher pleads some time later. He holds out his arm and pulls up the fabric and shows the painful mark there. “She bit me! I pulled her off a kid she was pummeling and she bit me. She held on for so long I considered prying her jaws open with a stick!” The man lowers his arm and shakes his head. “You gotta help me, Dav. Please!”

Now this one Davarax asks for some time to consider. He has heard a lot about Raga Saxon, have seen her in action, and she might be the one child he's not entirely sure he can help. He has no idea how to deal with that kind of volatile temper. There is fearless and then there is reckless.

Somehow Paz finds out that Raga's teacher has asked to move her to Davarax and the boy instantly starts to hassle him to say yes.

“She's awesome. She really is! You gotta see her fight.” Paz pleads, walking next to Davarax.

“I have seen that very thing. That is what worries me.” Davarax mutters. “There is no discipline to her. She's basically feral, Paz.”

“I know!” Paz' grin is the brightest Davarax has even seen on the boy. “As I said, she's awesome. You got to let her join us. I'll look after her, I promise. You won't even notice she's there. Please?”

Paz rarely asks for anything so Davarax promises him he'll think about it. And the next day, he stays hidden and watches Raga. He sees the energy crackling under her skin, the wild hair and her complete lack of fear. It's the kind of personality that can ruin a mission and get other Mandalorians killed, but then he sees her with Paz and observes, to his surprise, the other side to her. She 'is' capable of team work, she can be still and patient, and for some weird reason it seems like Paz is the one who brings that out in her.

Fine. She deserves a chance as well. She's a tough little fighter, like a Mandalorian should be. They just need to work on her mean streak.

Bringing Raga in changes the dynamics as she instantly goes after Barthor, like a predator sensing prey. Davarax hopes that Paz will put an end to it, but no such luck. The bigger boy just chews on his snacks and watches with lazy amusement. Davarax is on the verge of interfering when Barthor strikes back.

Raga's shrieks of fury echoes through the hallways, Barthor runs for his life, while Paz chews his snacks with lazy amusement, and Davarax struggles not to laugh. Yeah, Barthor is going to be fine. He doesn't need help.

It is almost a year later when he opens a hatch and finds a frightened boy staring up at him. His name is Din.

Davarax reaches out a hand, Din takes it.

When the request comes if Davarax can train Din too, there is a lack of teachers and Din is severely affected by the trauma he's been through, Davarax doesn't hesitate. He found the boy, he feels responsible for him.

And against all odds, Din is the glue that makes them all stick together.

Paz' protective instinct is triggered hard, Raga senses Paz' approval and actually behaves for long enough to realize she likes Din, and Barthor is so happy to no longer be the lone one against the other two that he reaches out a hand in friendship as well. And Din finds safety from his nightmares in their presence.

It shouldn't work. Not at all. But it does.

He even finds them, more than once, sleeping in a pile together.

And as they learn, as they grow, they keep amazing him and there's not a single day that goes by where he doesn't feel proud of them. They are difficult, yes, complicated, definitely, but they are good students and will do good things for the Covert, he knows this.

The others start referring to them as the Fearsome Four, but Davarax calls them his children and he knows in his heart that he will love them until the day he dies.

[vampirestookmydoubts]

hello! firstly, i am in love with your work! may i please, request a shelby!sister fic based on prompts #28 & #39 from your second list of prompts? i need more shelby!sister in my life and you’ve quickly become one of my favourites! thank you!

A/N: Ah, this smells like angst and I’m loving it. This scene immediately came to my mind. I think it’s angsty af and super painful to read (and to write lol), but I hope you like it, love <3

Prompts: 28. “There’s too much blood.” 39. ““Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

Warnings: blood, violence, death, traumatic events, maybe mentioned potential substance abuse? SEASON 4 SPOILER Also I think the gif is warning enough to know what is coming lol

When you received the envelope with your name neatly written onto, you first thought of it as a normal christmas card, only to make you freeze when the black hand slipped out of the envelope.

Tommy was quick to call in the whole family, to tell them to come back to Small Heaths, because only when they're together they could be shielded from any harm.

To say that everyone wasn't happy was an understatement. After all that happened, Tommy wasn't quite the favorite of the family, but in the eye of death, the Shelby's always seemed to be able to put their differences aside.

"Michael, you go and bring John and Esme to Small Heath tomorrow morning.", Tommy ordered, making you look up from the card with the black hand lying on the kitchen table.

"I'm going with him.", you said, standing up from your chair. "No, you're not."

"I didnt ask for your permission, Thomas."

Although his face didn't move at all, you could see the anger rise in his light blue eyes in response to your sudden disobedience.

"Michael won't be able to convince them on his own, you know that."

Obviously fed up with the fact that you would do it anyways, Tommy reluctantly agreed to you going with Michael to get John and Esme.

 When the door of the little cottage opened, you imagined a much different welcome than what you were greeted with.

The moment Esme opened the door and saw Michael and you, she closed it immediately with a short 'Fuck off'.

"Esme, open the door!", Michael called out, knocking at the door. "Fuck off or I will strangle you with my own hands.", your sister in law yelled, almost making you laugh if it wasn't a matter of life and death.

The voice of your brother interrupted Esme's ramble hort after and a few seconds later the door opened, to reveal a rather annoyed John.

"Hey Johnny boy.", you grinned, trying to ease up the tensed atmosphere. "What is it, Y/N? Michael."

Your cousin reached into his coat pocket, showing the black hand to John. "Looks familiar?"

"Michael, just-" Reaching into your own pocket, you revealed the black hand, adressed to yourself. "Fucking italians.", John muttered at the realization that you also received a threat.

"You need to come back to Small Heath, John." "t's the only way to assure everyone's safe.", you added, ignoring the sarcastic laughter escaping Esme's throat.

"I won't allow some fucking mobsters to chase me away from my own fucking property, Y/N."

"John, please, you need to listen to us.", you tried to reason with your brother, his cheeky responses which you normally loved, suddenly making you angry.

John clicked his tongue and gave you a sarcastic grin. "What? You're afraid for me?"

"We're family, we need to-" "No!", Esme insisted, startling you with her sudden furious reaction.

"John, I and the children are the only family we need. We don't need the Shelby's."

"But Esme, Tommy said-" John had to physically stop his wife from jumping at your throat.

"Don't you dare say his name. We don't need Tommy to feel save and we also don't need his fucking puppets to come and tell us what to do."

"Esme...", your brother laid a hand on his wife's shoulder trying to calm her down. "No, I've had enough, John. He thinks he can control everyone around him, to the point where he even sends out his little sister to do his work. Why isn't HE here to tell us to come back to Small Heath, hm? Because he fucking doesn't care, John!"

You were shocked by her words, but much more of the fact that John didn't try to interfere.

"John, please.", you begged, looking up at your older brother, hoping to change his mind.

The blonde grimaced, before he sighed. "Esme, get the kids."

"What?", your sister in law and you exlaimed at the same time. "Love, if it's the only way to protec-", John started to explain himself, but was interrupted by the shrieking sound of braking tires.

What happened next would be filed under the worst day of your life.

The moving cars on the street next to the house suddenly stopped. Bales of hay were knocked off of them to reveal a bunch of armed men pointing their weapons at your group.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

John pushed Esme inside the house and while he was only able to get his wife to safety, he tried to shield you with his body. The overwhelming noise of guns and screams was deafening.

One of the bullets hit you by surprise, digging itself into the flesh of your shoulder. The sudden impact making you lose balance and throwing you to the ground.

And although John got to his gun quickly to stand his ground, he wasn't able to withstand the number of men and the force of the bullets hitting him.

As quickly as they came, the men were fast to disappear, leaving behind a scene of horror and death.

The smell of gunpowder still hung in the air, when you found yourself able to move again.

"John? John!", the frequent screams of Esme reached your ear, sudden fear rushing through your body.

You tried to fade out the throbbing pain in your shoulder as you crawled to the place where your brother laid motionless, his shirt already soaked in a thick, red liquid.

As a wave of panic hit you, you tried to press the fabric of your coat on the wounds were the bullets hit your brother, trying to stop the flow of blood. "There's too much blood.", Esme said, her voice hoarse and nothing more than a whisper as you both realized that it was too late.

Desperately you grabbed his soaked shirt, yelling for him to stand up or at least open his eyes.

"Y/N."

No, not him.

"Y/N."

Not John.

 "Y/N!", a harsh voice brought you back to reality and looked up to meet the icy blue eyes of Tommy.

"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" You flinched slightly when he grabbed your shoulders, examining your face and the bandage around your shoulder, making you remember what happend after the shooting ended.

The police and ambulance were quick to arrive, after a neighbor heard the shooting and it also didn't take long for the rest of the Shelby's to get notice of the event.

Michael had been sent straight to the operating room, because of the severity of his injuries.

You've been lucky. The doctor told you that the bullet went straight through, leaving you only with a bandage and lots of pain killers to help you numb the pain and your feelings.

Tommys hands embraced your face, gently wiping away a silent tear, you hadn't noticed until now.

"It's not your fault, Y/N/N." You slowly shook your head as the tears streamed down your cheeks.

"He used himself as a fucking shield to protect me, Tommy. If I weren't there or if I've been quicker to-" "You know that's not true." You looked down to your hands, still feeling the warm and sticky blood of your brother on them. How the police and ambulance had to physically remove Esme and you from his motionless body, so they could cover him with a white blanket.

"He was about to go with us, Tommy.", you said, your whole body violently shaking from the sobs escaping your throat.

Wrapping his arms around you, Tommy pulled you closer, softly stroking your hair.

"It's okay. We'll get through this together, sweetheart."

[resinatingbeauty]

A 'Witch Shop' Owner's Plea Before Casting That Love Spell

I don't personally offer many spell kits, mojo bags, etc. In my shop and avoid selling my 'Craft', as in, I don't advertise or list spell casting among my offerings, though I have had a couple of customers specifically ask if I could perform a spell I offered as a kit on their behalf for whatever reason. This is because I personally believe that the journey is just as important as the destination in witchcraft and many of the spell kits / spells I do offer are designed in such a way to soothe, relax, release, and heal throughout the process. Honestly, in addition, I really don't want the responsibility associated with performing magick on someone else's behalf for many reasons. The strength of my intent is not going to be as strong as yours, for example. Even if I effectively channel your energy, creating that personal connection between the beneficiary and the intent or purpose of the spell work is incredibly difficult at a distance. I'm always wary of other shops advertising this type of service- the sad truth of the matter is our little niche has been permeated by scammers, con artists, and frauds looking to take advantage of anyone looking for a solution to whatever it is that has them at this low point in life. I will tell you, more often than not it's love spells that the customer is after, and they are apt to find many options on Etsy, the platform I primarily do business on, and beyond.

I distinctly think of one potential customer who had contacted me one night obviously very upset. My heart went out to her immediately - I could just tell by what she was saying and how quickly she responded to me that she was in a state of panic and extreme emotional distress. She isn't the only one, but she stands out from the others as her desire to win back her ex lover was so strong it was evident that she would do anything and (potentially) pay anything for a chance to get things back to the way they were in her love life.

I am a human being. I have been given this amazing opportunity to pursue my passion to share my creations and spiritual / metaphysical knowledge with the world through my work. I understood a long time ago that this also meant I had a responsibility to do my best to help those in need and never knowingly harm, much like a doctor commuting to the Hippocratic oath. This may make me a flat out horrible business woman, but I would rather not sell someone on something I don't believe is going to help their situation. In fact, love spells usually make things worse. I'll get to that momentarily.

"Is there a spell to make her see what she has done wrong and to make her love and want me again?"

I allowed this customer to explain to me the situation and took the time to hear her out after telling her that I'm sure that she could find something like that elsewhere and someone else willing to sell her a spell kit or cast that spell, but I urged her to take a deep breath and talk to me before she did something that she would regret.

Thankfully, she spent the next hour or so explaining her situation and elaborating on everything that has happened in her relationship. It was one of those on again / off again things that so many of us get trapped in. Understandable, considering once you establish that strong bond of love, whether one sided or not, it's incredibly hard to cut that cord and move on especially if you're so emotionally invested (and maybe even financially invested) in this other individual who has had your heart for so long you can't imagine giving it to anyone else.

This PSA goes out to the broken hearted of all walks, as this is a universal experience for anyone who has been in love. There may not be someone to stop you from pursuing what you think will fix everything as I did for her, but I'm hoping if you read this, you'll think twice about acquiring and performing love spells or any magick in hopes that it will provide a quick fix to any situation.

•Beware the Opportunistic Con / Scam

Our field is flooded with scammers, con artists, and frauds that exclusively cater to those in this sweet girl's position and anyone who is vulnerable due to emotional distress or panic. Whether you need a love spell like she did to win back her ex or a quick fix to get more money in the bank or what have you, beware those that have used spiritual advisory and witchcraft as a means to peddle you their high priced garbaged. This is a tough one, as you may have a hard time deciphering what is 'legit' and what isn't, but there are some signs and facts you can look for when browsing these shops / websites.

-They promise / guarantee results within a specific or unrealistic time frame

Magick takes time to manifest and the true story is that nobody has a 100% satisfaction guaranteed spell book. More often than not, when spells come to fruition, it often isn't quite the way you would expect it to, either. Anyone promising a quick fix to anything is most likely just trying to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and you better believe there will be no money back guarantee if said garbage doesn't work for you. OR, they like to do one of these:

-"Oh, your situation is worse than I thought. You're going to need this and this, with a huge $$$$ price tag."

This starts a never ending cycle of you pouring money into this scammer who will make you believe that it is necessary to do so. That maybe if you did throw them an extra $500 for their thingamajig that you will get what you want. This is only the beginning, as when THAT doesn't do it for you the way you would like, they will claim some other interference, maybe you're cursed or under psychic attack, and need something else even more expensive and elaborate to take care of that before you can even get to what you went to them for in the first place. Anytime someone proposes this type of thing, stop while you're ahead and don't provide them with a guaranteed cash flow that you aren't benefitting from at all. Also, be wary of ANY seller who makes outrageous claims- overnight changes, curing cancer, etc. Are unrealistic expectations.

•Understand What You Truly Need

Maybe it's time to consider an alternative path. The customer I spoke about DID ultimately purchase a tarot spread, which I was much more inclined to do for her than some love spell to win back this girl who has repeatedly broken her heart over the past few years and obviously got a kick out of it, the way she told it, as it was ALWAYS her doing the breaking up and blocking, starting all the drama. I told her I would much rather give her a spell to find her twin flame / soul mate than to win this person back who has perpetually been hurting her and taking advantage of her kindness.

Sometimes it's time to cut the cord before more damage is done. I understand it isn't easy to move on from someone you have loved and cultivated a relationship with over a long period of time, regardless of the negative energy that has invaded the relationship, we DO tend to focus on the positives, which leaves us a bit biased and blind to what we could have and deserve to have.

Take a moment if you are in a relationship situation like this, are beginning to question your current relationship, or are considering taking the next step in any relationship. Sit down with a pen and paper. On one side of the paper, write down all the things you love about that person. All the ways you think they have been the light in your life (be honest and give credit where credit is due!). Now on the other side, list the negatives or cons in your relationship. If one list is noticeably longer than the other, depending on which side it is, it may be time to consider breaking it off, giving things another shot, or taking things to the next level. Ask yourself;

-Do they support me in what I do, even if they don't understand or necessarily agree with it? (So long as it is something healthy -obviously if they're supportive of a bad habit or detrimental behavior, this is more like enabling and not a good thing)

-Do they have my best interests at heart more often than not?

-Do they show that they care? Even in the smallest of ways?

-Could I call them my "best friend?" Am I honest with them?

-Are they honest with me?

-Do they lift me up more than they put me down?

-Do you want the same things in life / have similar priorities?

-Is our relationship valuable to them the same way it is to me?

•LOVE SPELLS NEVER WORK THE WAY YOU WANT

This is the cold hard truth about love spells. Forget the warnings in movies and books, as it is hard to believe them or even take them as a legitimate warning when you haven't had the displeasure of experiencing what a love spell can do for yourself. I have, so you don't have to. This is MY story:

Of course love spells are very appealing when you're a young and naive teenager. I had a strong crush on this guy I had low key been stalking since middle school. I don't know why I liked him so much. Part of it I'm sure was the way he looked (hey, I'm being totally honest!) And how he came across to me. We had absolutely no interaction with each other outside of passing each other in the hallway. He had no idea who I was.

I had just borrowed a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's 'Teen Witch' (which is honestly a fantastic book for teens and young adults just starting to delve into Wiccan practices, which she follows exclusively) from a friend of mine and thought I would try the super simple love spell in the book figuring I had nothing to lose. All it consisted of was focusing on the subject, your intentions, writing their name on a piece of paper, folding it up and placing it under your pillow. I would sleep on that paper for months. I was in middle school just about to go into my freshman year of high school when I performed the spell and would forget about it up until the day it worked, a few months into my freshman year of highschool, when my crush was in the graduating class of that year- literally my last chance to make an impression.

I had gone to a local band's concert that was performing at the school's auditorium one day after classes and was just about to leave when my crush randomly approached me and started talking to me. It was like the whole world just stopped right there. I couldn't believe it. The thought of that spell crossed my mind briefly as we exchanged phone numbers.

Over time and getting to know him, he admittedly wasn't exactly my type. He was still someone whose friendship I valued, but not someone I could really put any effort into dating. About the time I realized this, his personality took a complete 180° turn for the worst. He was stalking me. Blowing up my cell phone (which was a prepaid piece of junk at that time I really couldn't talk on for more than a minute without paying a fortune), so much so one evening when I was at Jukido Jujitsu practice that I came home to something like 32 missed calls and 17 voicemails from him, each one showing gradual frustration and anger. This scared me. I knew I had to confront him about it and break this off before it got worse.

I caught him in a populated area of the school the next day before homeroom- more like he came up to me out of nowhere like he knew I would be passing through that part of the school that day- and I confronted him about the calls,attempting to gently explain to him that I wasn't interested in a relationship and I would like to continue being friends. He blew up at me and threw me against the brick wall of the school, trying to kiss and touch me in front of every single person that walked by. I wish I was making this up.

Thankfully a teacher came and pulled him off. Nothing much else was done. I did my best to avoid him and cut him out of my life entirely from that point on.

I don't know if it was the love spell or if this would have occurred anyways. All I knew was that what had been originally a very sweet, big hearted guy that was soft spoken with low self esteem became a monster in a matter of weeks. The take away from this and what I have personally seen with other's experiences with love spells is that they tend to bring out the worst characteristics of the person they are cast on and you have to be really careful what you are actually asking for when thinking about 'desire' and 'passion.' This intent can quickly lead to stalking, obsession, and not in a good way. Another customer of mine who originally came to me for my Forgiveness Spell Kit and had the desired results also, unbeknownst to me, had someone else perform a love and desire spell in addition to it. The guy that she was reverted into an obsessed jerk who decided to spread rumors about her on social media and beyond, blocked her on all platforms, and would get her friends involved in his quest to make her life miserable. Her story reflects and embodies so many I have heard over the years from others who have dabbled in such spells. When they work, it's just never quite what you had in mind.

So if you came to this blog post in search of a love spell for your personal situation or came across it when you have maybe considered one in the past or know someone who has, please take a deep breath, consider your options, and don't do anything that you may regret down the line. Remember that you are deserving of all the love, respect, support, and happiness one could give another. Do not settle on someone who offers you less and expects more, no matter how much you have invested in them, no matter how many years you have spent with them, as they do not appreciate you for the amazing person you are. I can promise you, however, given some time to heal, you WILL find someone who does.

-Samantha

(Owner /Chaos Witch/Designer)

Blursedbaubles.etsy.com

[artificialqueens]

Happiness Isn't Here, Chapter 1, (Jan-centric) - Joley

ao3 link

“Jan?” her coworker gently shaking her by the shoulder wasn’t enough to jolt her awake. So she repeated her name louder and shook her a bit harder. “Jan!”

Jan picked her head up, a piece of paper stuck to her cheek. The coffee cup next to her had yet to be touched and her briefcase was still open at her feet, only partially unpacked. “Huh?” As her eyes adjusted the world into focus, she remembered that she was at her desk, in her office, at work, rather than her desk, in her office, at home, where she had passed out last. “I’m awake! I’m good, I’m fine. What’s up?”

The woman arched her brow, but decided it wasn’t worth harping on the issue. “Right, anyway. Here are the updates on the Wilson case,” she said, dropping a manila folder on Jan’s desk. “And not for nothing, but you might want to look alive. Word is you’re looking at a promotion to junior partner by the end of the week, it wouldn’t hurt to do what you can to seal the deal.”

It wasn’t clear to Jan if the woman had said anything else after ‘junior partner’ – a ringing started in her ears that drowned everything out. Her head started pounding and the room started spinning, she could barely focus on the muffin she grabbed and took a bite out of, hoping that it was just an empty stomach that made her feel so sick. When she did finish the muffin, she was relieved that her surroundings were now staying still, but it didn’t alleviate the knot in her stomach or the tightness in her chest.

Air. She just needed some fresh air, that was all. She hung her blazer on the back of her chair and bolted through the office, only stilling to catch her breath when she was in the elevator. Having been up on the fortieth floor, it stopped a few times on the way down, making her start to fidget and bounce on her heels until she finally hit the ground floor.

“This is good news, Jan. Why aren’t you happy?” Jan leaned her head against the wall and groaned. “Why can’t you be happy?” She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that she’d feel better when she opened them.

While she had calmed down, yes, she couldn’t say she was feeling much better. She stared out in front of her, at people of every shape, size, and color walking around, then further up at the bright lights, albeit more subdued in the daytime. Her eyes ended up fixating on one of the billboards animated on another skyscraper. It was an advertisement for some sort of ice cream, showing a woman in a peaceful, open space and taking an indulgent spoonful. It read, ‘where is your happy place?’ and transitioned to another ad shortly after.

“Well, that’s a little on the nose,” Jan murmured with a roll of her eyes. But she did pose the question to herself – where was her happy place?

Theatre camp. Oh, how she loved and longed for that summer, the one she might argue was the peak of her adolescence. Every day she got to perform, whether it was improv or reenacting songs and scenes from her favorite musicals. And every night, she got to make new memories of another, more intimate kind.

Jan decided to siphon whatever lingering serotonin she could from those memories as she stood up. She had only just turned to head back into the building when–

“Jan? Jan Sport?”

“Yeah?” Jan, at first, wasn’t sure if she was still daydreaming. She had to be, because the last time she had heard that distinct voice… No way. Okay, there were simply too many coincidences in a row for it to not mean something. “Oh my god, Crystal? Is that really you?”

Crystal beamed brightly and nearly knocked Jan over when she hugged her. “This is so crazy!” When she finally let go, she took a step back to look Jan over – a lot had changed in the ten years since they had last seen each other. “And you got even hotter, crazy. What’re you up to these days?”

“I work there,” Jan pointed at the building behind her. “Law firm. Busy, boring stuff. What about you?”

“I was in charge of props and scenery for an Off-Off-Broadway show, but the run was cut short. It turns out, people didn’t want another musical about a historical figure. It’s a shame, I thought Van Buren had potential,” she explained. “Bad timing, huh? I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Jan deflated as the sparks of excitement started tapering out. “You are? To where?”

Crystal’s smile weakened, a tinge of embarrassment in her expression. “Back to Springfield. I know it’s not as… exciting as Manhattan, but it’s where I’m happiest. Sometimes that’s what’s gotta come first, y’know? I miss being that happy.”

The cogs were already turning in Jan’s mind. This was kismet, it had to be. There couldn’t have been a more obvious hint unless it was a neon sign literally blinking in her face. “Absolutely, I totally get it. And good for you for prioritizing like that, I’m sure it’ll save you a lot of money too.”

“Definitely. But hey, let me give you my number. If you’re ever in the area, let me know. I’d love to catch up,” Crystal smiled, putting her number in Jan’s phone when the other girl all but shoved it into her hand.

“You certainly will,” Jan quickly assured, sending Crystal a text when she got her phone back so she would have her number as well.

——

Jan looked at her phone, at the six missed calls she had from her mother, and debated whether or not she should call her back before her plane boarded. It came down to the choice of whether she wanted to be crippled with anxiety before or after she landed. At least if she did it before, she could take a xanax and sleep through the flight. So, on the seventh call, she answered. “Hi, Mom.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Alexis shrieked. “Missouri? You’re moving to Missouri? I couldn’t even find it on the fucking map! I tried to google it and the first result just said ‘why?’. You were just about to get the junior partner promotion, what is the matter with you?”

“Cities like Springfield need people like me, Mom,” Jan explained. “There’s never gonna be a shortage of talented lawyers in Manhattan, but I could do some real good out in the Midwest. I already have a job, an apartment, everything’s fine.”

Alexis muttered indistinguishably under her breath, trying to calm herself. “I just don’t understand why you would want to throw your life away for that shtetl. What does Springfield have to offer you?”

Jan sighed. “You wouldn’t understand, I don’t expect you to… But this is something I need to do.”

“Alright,” she relented. “Text me when you land.”

This wouldn’t be the last conversation they had about this, Jan knew that. But as she boarded the plane, she was relieved that the conversation didn’t go half as badly? as she thought it would. She would still need a xanax, but at least she would sleep soundly.

For most of the five hour flight, Jan got the sleep she so desperately needed, and it wasn’t long before she began the tedious process of moving into her new house. She had surprised herself by deciding to become a homeowner, but she couldn’t resist how much further a Manhattan dollar went in the Midwest.

Jan had just finished up with the movers when she began to feel like she was being watched. She turned and noticed a woman about her age – perhaps a few years younger – leaning against the railing of the front porch, looking at her with an intrigued expression. “Hi!” She chirped to, who she assumed, was her new neighbor.

She narrowed her gaze. “Are you a cop or are you in the witness protection program?”

“Neither? I just moved here from New York,” she explained.

“Why?”

She shrugged, looking around. It was a suburban neighborhood, similar to the one she had grown up in, but more middle class (and she was sure she was the only person with any Jewishness in their DNA in a twenty mile radius). The houses were both spacious and spaced out and everything was calm, if not a bit bland. “Change of scenery.”

Her neighbor wasn’t convinced, but dropped it for the time being. “Right… What’s your name, city girl? I’m Jaida.”

“Oh my God. I haven’t even introduced myself,” Jan jogged over to her and extended her hand. “I’m Jan Sport, so nice to meet you, neighbor.”

Jaida looked at her oddly, but shook her hand nonetheless. “So what do you do exactly?”

“I’m a lawyer. I got this great offer at this firm by a lovely Canadian woman, I simply had to take it,” she gave a clearly rehearsed answer. “What about you?”

“I’m a student,” Jaida answered flippantly. “I actually gotta finish some work. Good luck with your Canadian lawyer job.” She went back inside before Jan could offer a response.

Not that Jan was perturbed. She shrugged as she walked into her new home. “She seems cool.”

——

“Once again, we are so excited to have you at our firm. We thought we received your resumé by mistake, to be completely honest,” Brooke Lynn remarked as she took Jan on a tour of the office.

Jan had a bright grin on her lips as she looked around the office, admittedly only listening to every other word or so. “Uh huh, cool. Hey, is the cell service bad out here or something? It’s just that I texted my friend two days ago and I haven’t heard back from her yet, and I’m sure she’s been trying to reach me.”

Brooke furrowed her brows in confusion. “Hm… No, that’s not really an issue out here. Anyway, this is your office. It’s no Manhattan view, but I think you’ll settle in fine.” As they left the office, her attention suddenly shifted. “Oh, Brita! Brita!” She flagged down a woman by the copy machine. “This is Jan, the Harvard-Columbia grad I was telling you about.”

Brita stood upright, offering a tight-lipped smile. “Hi, so nice to meet you. I’m Brita,” she greeted and looked Jan over. “I love your Hermès bag, it looks real.”

“Oh,” Jan tilted her head, “it is real. I got it on sale, though.”

“Of course you did,” she muttered through gritted teeth. “What, exactly, are you doing all the way out here anyway?”

Jan had already become adept at handling this question. “I needed a change of scenery. Couldn’t be a city girl forever.”

Brita’s brows rose suspiciously and her arms crossed. “Ah, yes, the standard NYC-Springfield move. You have any family out here? Friends?”

Jan blinked rapidly and cleared her throat. “Nope, not a soul. Just needed to start somewhere fresh. NYC isn’t as perfect as it is in movies, you know.”

“I know,” she retorted sourly.

Brooke clapped her hands together. “Well, I’m glad you two are getting along. Jan, don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything.” And with that, she had dipped back into her office.

Brita watched Brooke’s office door shut before redirecting her attention to Jan. “Okay, she’s gone. So, why are you really here?”

Jan frowned. “I… just told you?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll figure it out myself. I love a good mystery.”

“Right… Anyway, I’m gonna go do work. You know. Because this is my job.” Jan slowly backed away, before turning on her heel and walking off at a normal pace.

Brita scoffed, turning to look at her coworker, who had been watching silently from the next cubicle. “Can you believe that bitch, Aiden? Oh, look at me, I moved for a ‘change of scenery’,” she mocked the cheerful lilt their new coworker spoke with.

Aiden rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Exactly!” Brita nodded. “Ugh, I’m so glad you see it too. I’m gonna crack that nut.”

——

Overall, Jan had deemed her first day of work to be a success. But that was eclipsed by the fact that she still hadn’t heard from Crystal. To distract from her frustration, she stopped by a local bar on the way home, Pony Express.

Well, ‘bar’ didn’t seem to be an accurate title, despite everyone seeming to refer to it as such. Aside from alcohol, it also had a kid-friendly menu that catered to the children that frequented from the soccer leagues that played on the adjacent field and their families.

“Hi,” Jan greeted as she sat at the bar, though her eyes were fixed on her phone. “Could I get a vodka cranberry, please…” she looked up long enough to read the bartender’s name tag, “Gigi?”

“Sure,” Gigi answered, looking Jan over as she made the drink. “Are you new here? I’ve never seen you around before.”

She had yet to tear her eyes from the screen. “Yeah, just moved here from Manhattan. Got a great job offer. And I have a… friend that lives out here, but I’m still waiting to hear from her. She must be having phone problems or something.”

“No kidding,” the bartender hummed. “My best friend just moved back here from Manhattan, maybe you know her,” she joked.

Jan missed the joke in it. “Maybe I do, what’s her name?” She asked, finally managing to look at Gigi, acknowledging her beauty in the back of her mind, but much more interested in her answer.

Gigi chuckled at her reaction. “Crystal Methyd, she was there to do art for this historical play or something.”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh, that’s so crazy! That’s my friend! I, um, do you know where she is right now?”

“No… but I can tell you where she’ll be tonight. Our friend is having this party. You should come, maybe with me.”

Jan arched her brow, a slight smile on her lips. “With you? Like, you’ll pick me up in your car and everything?”

“Yeah… like a date. That’s generally what it consists of.”

There were a few beats of hesitation before Jan nodded. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like the perfect excuse. “Alright, it’s a date.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Gigi’s mouth. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

By the time she had returned home, Jan had warmed up to the idea. If there was anyone that could get her in Crystal’s direction, it would be a close friend. And she and Gigi were strangers, surely there would be no hard feelings. She just had to play it cool and casual.

Maybe spending the following two hours doing her hair, makeup, and picking out just the right outfit wasn’t ‘casual’ per sé, but it didn’t matter if she looked good enough to catch Crystal’s eye from across the room, like in every cheesy movie she’d seen (and loved).

“Hey,” Jan greeted as she made her way to Gigi. She took careful steps as she walked – her dress was tight and her heels were high, and it took a lot of effort to appear effortless.

But it did seem to work on Gigi, who was struggling with the subtlety in looking her over. “You look… fucking hot.”

Jan beamed brightly. “Thank you! Let’s go, we’re burning moonlight,” she said as she got in the car.

“Who says that?” She murmured to herself as she got in and drove them to the party.

The party was already well-populated by the time of their arrival, allowing them to seamlessly blend in. Despite the party being hosted by one of Gigi’s friends, Jan was the one smiling and waving at anyone she made eye contact with, while Gigi kept more to herself. They managed to get drinks and find a spot to stand and chat in, though Jan’s attention was divided.

“What are you looking for?” Gigi asked after the third or fourth time she noticed Jan not listening. “Crystal? Why are you so worried about finding her, you have a thing with her or something?”

Jan snapped back to attention, shaking her head hard enough for her ponytail to swish about. “No, no, no, it’s nothing like that. We were just such good friends and I haven’t seen her in ages, and it’ll be great to surprise her, that’s all.”

While not entirely convinced, Gigi decided to drop it at that, mostly because she’d received a text that distracted her. “Oh, speak of the devil, guess who just texted me,” she remarked as she looked at her screen. “Looks like she’s not gonna make it here, though. Her girlfriend looped her into a family thing.”

That one word made Jan’s heart sink into the pit of her stomach and she had to blink away the tears of frustration and sadness that threatened to make a sudden appearance. “I’m sorry, did you say ‘girlfriend’?”

The suspicions Gigi had started to grow from Jan’s crestfallen reaction, but she answered nonetheless. “Yeah, they’re high school sweethearts, kinda went on and off in college, I think. They took a break when Crystal moved to New York, but they’ve been back together for… I don’t know, a couple months? Not really on my list of primary concerns.”

“They’re high school sweethearts, that’s so sweet,” Jan said in a breathy gasp, as if she were forcing the words out of an unwilling mouth.

“Are you okay?” Gigi asked, putting her free hand on Jan’s upper arm to steady her. “You seem upset.”

Jan set her drink down on a nearby table and took a breath. “Me? Upset? No, I’m totally fine. I’m just… surprised. That’s all.”

“Really? Because if you have feelings for Crystal or something, it’s–”

Jan cut Gigi off by cupping her face and kissing her. Much to her relief, she felt the other girl relax into the contact. She dragged the kiss out for another moment or so before letting go and standing upright, trying to read her face to see if she had been convincing enough.

“Okay,” Gigi chuckled softly. “Not upset. Point taken.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket as she tried to figure out what was supposed to happen next. “Do you wanna… go find some snacks or something?”

“Actually,” Jan clapped her hands together, “why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place?”

At this point, Gigi had given up on questioning Jan’s answers. She found her odd and somewhat over the top, but it intrigued her, it kept her hooked. “Sure, tonight’s been weird enough, might as well see how this ends up.” She linked arms with her and they walked back out of the house.

The car ride consisted mainly of Jan relying on every flirtation method she knew – she played with Gigi’s hair, rested her hand on her thigh, anything to keep her from asking too many questions. And once they had arrived and promptly relocated to Jan’s bedroom, things escalated quickly. They were making out heavily, limbs interlocked and hands roaming each other’s body. But through the moans, Gigi noticed something that took her right out of the moment. “Are you crying?”

Jan sniffled and wiped her eyes as subtly as she could manage. “What? No, it… it’s just allergies, honestly,” she assured despite her lower lip trembling.

“Yeah, no, I’m out,” Gigi pushed herself off the bed. “You’ve got something going on, clearly. Maybe we’ll try this again another time. Or not. Who knows? Anyway, um, goodnight.” With that, she turned on her heel and left, despite Jan’s protests and insistence that she was fine.

“Fuck…” Jan groaned and flopped onto the bed once she was alone.

——

Jan had been hoping to distract herself from the last night when she got to work that morning. And at first, things seemed to be going well. But barely a couple hours into the day, she found herself cornered into the break room by Brita. “Oh god, now what?” she groaned.

“Don’t you take that tone with me, little girl. I’ve got you all figured out,” Brita smirked. “I know all about Crystal Methyd, how you’ve checked her instagram fifty-four times since you landed in Springfield. You’re obsessed with her and that’s why you moved here.”

Jan’s throat tightened and she wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole. “No, no, because that would be crazy and I am not crazy. Crystal and I dated for a few months when we were sixteen, I barely know her,” she insisted. “I moved here for work and Crystal just happened to be here!” she paused to try to collect herself. “I mean, yes, she’s the one that mentioned Springfield when I ran into her. And yes, when I ran into her, it made me feel happy, like glitter was exploding inside of me, and…” Her eyes widened and her face paled. “Oh my god, I’m crazy. I-I’m crazy and stupid and horrible and–”

Brita gripped Jan’s arms firmly and looked into her eyes. “Hey, do not talk about my new friend like that,” she snapped, then waited for the younger woman’s expression to soften. “Sweetie, you’re not crazy. I get it now. You’re just in love.”

“I’m your friend?” Jan asked, brows knitted. “I thought you hated me.”

Brita shook her head. “I hated that you lied to me, silly.”

“Oh, okay, cool,” she smiled, only for her face to drop almost instantly. “Also, I’m not in love, I just told you I–”

“Shh,” Brita put a finger to Jan’s lips. “You don’t have to defend yourself against destiny, you’re so brave for pursuing it. This is the start of a beautiful love story! And I’m gonna make it happen for you.”

Jan smiled warmly. “You are?”

Brita nodded brightly. “Of course, honey,” she noticed Jan’s eyes drift to her phone while she spoke. “What’s up?”

Color rushed back to Jan’s face as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, eager to make sure she read her screen correctly. “It’s Crystal. She wants to know if I wanna get lunch with her sometime.” The two coworkers – now friends – squealed in delight before scrambling to figure out how to word her reply perfectly.

It wasn’t until after she sent it that Jan’s face fell. “Wait… Crystal has a girlfriend. Her friend, who I met once and definitely did not almost hook up with, mentioned it.”

Brita shrugged. “Haven’t you ever seen a romantic comedy? They always have a girlfriend in the beginning. Don’t worry about that,” she assured. “Besides, I’m sure she’s not that great.”

[bytheangell]

If I don't ask too much, may I ask for a story in which Alec realizes (or someone makes him realize) that breaking up with Magnus isn't a sacrifice that is only his own to to pay. That's something that bothers me. Magnus ends up paying again for this deal, and I find it unfair. Maybe then Alec goes to Magnus and clarifies everything? I don't really know, so I leave it to you if you choose to write something about this. Many thanks!

sometimes it's the ones who try to help that hurt the mostRead on AO3(A/N- slight canon divergence/AU where Alec doesn’t tell Isabelle about the offer Asmodeus made him before he breaks up with Magnus)

Alec needs to be certain that Asmodeus upheld his end of the deal so he does the only thing he can do - he has Underhill follow Magnus on the surveillance cameras. Alec doesn’t have the time to devote to tracking Magnus personally, not with Clary and Jonathan to deal with, so this is the next best thing. 

He doesn’t know what he expects to see, but when Asmodeus appears to personally return his son’s magic Alec’s blood turns to ice. He hadn’t anticipated this. Asmodeus’ personal involvement was, somehow, not something Alec took into account when considering the potential ramifications of this deal. Yes, he reunited Magnus with his magic, but now he also left him beholden to the one person Magnus loathes the very existence of. 

He turns off the tape and goes back to his office, too distracted to focus on the papers in front of him, mind reeling with concern and anxiety over this unforeseen complication, trying to convince himself that it’s fine. Magnus can handle himself now, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t need Alec to worry about him… he doesn’t need Alec at all, not now that he’s whole again. 

Alec hears the knock on the door to his office faintly. It feels like he’s living a lot of today through a filter, actually - after his conversation with Jace he’s barely been able to focus on anything at all that isn’t Magnus and what he might be doing just then. In fact, Alec hardly slept at all the night before. How could he after watching the heart of the man he loves break in two by his own doing? He isn’t in the mood to talk to anyone else just then and so he resolves to ignore the knock until the person goes away to find their answers elsewhere. 

“Alec, open up!” Comes a familiar voice edged with anger and frustration. 

Avoidance was a wonderful plan, until he realizes the person on the other end is his sister. 

Alec does his best to ignore her anyway but the knocks sound again, more insistent this time. “I know you’re in there, Alec, and if I have to get a warlock to portal me directly inside this office I will.” 

He sighs, knowing the threat is real - and that threat is even more concerning because they’re both well aware that the only warlock permitted to portal through the wards and directly into the Institute is Magnus. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” he says, trying to make his voice sound challenging enough that she goes away. 

“Try me,” Izzy challenges right back. “I’ll call Magnus up right now, because no matter what your dumbass did, he’ll still love you enough to come running the moment I tell him I think you’re in trouble, and-” 

Alec’s hand is on the lock before she can finish that sentence. “Alright, just come in already. And shut the door behind you.” 

Alec lets the door fall open and goes back to his desk, watching his sister enter and lock the door again behind her before stalking over to where he sits, not bothering to sit down herself as she places her hands on the top of his desk to lean over dramatically.

“What the hell, Alec.” 

“I’m guessing you talked with Jace?”

“Yes. And, I repeat, what the hell, Alec?” 

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. How can he explain to her the impossible situation he’s in, how his decision hurt him just as much as it hurts Magnus, that he did it for Magnus’ own good even if he’ll never know it? Izzy’s too much of a hothead to not run and tell Magnus, and then what would happen to the deal? 

“Whatever you two fought about, talk to each other and fix it. I’ve never seen two people more in love, I can’t imagine what happened for you to break up, but-” 

“We didn’t. I mean, it wasn’t a fight. I… I broke up with him.” They sound fake even to him, to try and reconcile the fact where he lives in a universe where he actually broke up with Magnus Bane. He can see the same impossible fact try and register with Isabelle, who stares at him for several long moments of silence. 

“No,” she says at length. 

“Yes. It happened. It’s done. It’s for his own good. Now if we can just move on, because if you haven’t realized we’ve got two rogue Shadowhunters and--” 

“No,” Isabelle repeats, not as easily swayed from the conversation as Jace had been. “There’s no way you can convince me you actually wanted to end things with Magnus, so you have five seconds to tell me the truth.” 

Alec frowns, and doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing he can say that won’t give himself away immediately, and there’s no way Izzy is letting up until he does. 

“I made a deal with Asmodeus. He said he’d return Magnus’ magic, but only if I broke up with him - if I broke his heart.” 

“You can’t tell me you’re okay with this.” 

“Of course I’m not,” he says, the words bursting through in a rush of pent-up frustration and anger and sadness he can’t hold back any longer. “I just lost the love of my life… but I gave him back his life. And it’s worth the heartache to know he’ll have his magic back. He’ll move on, and be happy, and whole, and everything he could never be if he stayed mortal with me.” 

“Will you move on?” Izzy asks, and Alec actually laughs in response. 

“Of course not. Magnus is - was - it for me. But this isn’t about me.” 

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Isabelle states simply. 

“Thanks. Because I didn’t feel shitty enough as is,” Alec mutters. 

“I mean it. Do you really think Magnus isn’t hurting even more than you are right now? And you think he’s just going to get his magic back and what, be totally fine with losing someone he loves for it? That he isn’t going to feel guilty for putting you in that position and making you feel like you had no other choice? And you’re so quick to sell yourself short, but he loves you just as deeply as you love him. If you know you can’t move on, what makes you think he can? What if he doesn’t?” If Alec expected his sister to react to the news with pity, her outburst proves the exact opposite to be true. Her frustration is laced with anger and he knows he deserves it… 

...but what’s worse is the idea that she might be right. He hadn’t considered the idea that Magnus may not move on from this, magic or not. After his breakdown the other night the choice seemed so simple, hardly a choice at all, but that’s because Alec never questioned the fact that Magnus would be fine without him. Of course he doesn’t doubt that Magnus loves him. But he loved before Alec, and he’d love again after Alec. 

Except that isn’t quite true, is it? Before Alec Magnus didn’t open himself up to love or relationships, he hadn’t for some time. Before Alec, Magnus wasn’t sure he deserved to be cared for the way that Alec cares for him. Before Alec, Magnus was cold and closed off and unhappy, despite his best efforts to fill the voids in his life with distractions. 

Would Magnus truly be happy again with his magic back and Alec gone, or had Alec just condemned him to a lifetime of feeling abandoned and unloved? Or worse, with Asmodeus back in the picture… no, Alec can’t even bring himself to consider those options. Surely Magnus wouldn’t be that upset, that desperate, to be driven directly into the arms of his father? 

“What can I do?” Alec sighs. “It’s too late. The deal is made. If I talk to him now… if I show up and he loses his magic again because of me…” Alec stands now, pacing the length of his office. “I can’t. Izzy, I just…” 

“You have to. You made the deal, but it wasn’t yours to make. You’re not the only one paying a price here.” The anger is gone from his sister’s tone now. She can see him listening, finally, to something other than the voice in his own head, thinking beyond his own doubts and insecurities which were only amplified by Asmodeus’ words to him.

“He won’t want to speak with me.” Alec points out. The chances of Magnus wanting anything to do with him just then were slim to none, that was sort of the whole point. 

“Maybe not,” Izzy agrees, turning to leave him alone again. “But I think you owe it to both of you to give him the choice this time.” 

---

Alec tracks Magnus down to a spot by the water. Despite having his magic back Magnus looks worse than he has in weeks, and Alec feels an immediate pang of guilt. He almost changes his mind and starts to turn around, but Magnus sees him first. 

“Alexander?” 

Alec hates how hesitant it sounds, the uncertainty replacing what should be love, or joy, or relief. 

“Hey, Magnus,” Alec says, forcing himself to stay. “We should, uh, talk.” Alec takes a breath. “Or, I guess, I should talk. There’s something I need to tell you.” 

“Me first,” Magnus says. “My father’s back. I don’t know how he escaped Edom, and I know I should’ve told you sooner, but…” Magnus trails off slowly, eyeing Alec carefully. “You don’t look surprised at that.” 

Alec’s lips press together. 

“You knew,” Magnus states, but Alec doesn’t address that, either.  

“How are you feeling?” Alec asks instead. 

He doesn’t know what he expects, but it isn’t the sharp laugh that Magnus gives in response. 

“How am I feeling? Asmodeus is wandering the streets of New York and you’re, what, checking in on my broken heart?” Magnus shakes his head in disbelief. “What makes you think you have the right to abandon me like that and then turn up here to ask how I’m feeling? Why, to rub it in my face that I still need you, that I’m so pathetic that losing you is breaking me, that I’d do anything to have you back even after you made it very clear I’m overwhelming and not worth keeping around?” 

“I’m so sorry, Magnus. I thought… fuck, I thought I was doing the right thing. That you’d be fine without me as long as you got your magic back...” “You’re starting to sound like my father” Magnus snaps bitterly, before something softens as his words register. “Alexander, you didn’t…” 

Alec’s silence speaks volumes. 

“How could you?!” Magnus shouts. 

“What choice did I have? You told me you could never be happy without it, and I had a chance to give it back to you. What else was I supposed to do?” Alec explains, praying to the Angel that Magnus will understand. 

“You know how I feel about him. I could’ve gone to him myself to strike a deal for my powers back, but I didn’t. For a reason.” 

“I just wanted you to have your magic back. I thought you’d be fine losing me, after a while. But then Asmodeus showed up and that was never part of the plan. And now I’m ruining everything because he said if you found out about the deal it was off, and if you lose your magic again and hate me forever-” Alec forces himself to stop, trying to control his reeling thoughts. “I didn’t want you to go with him because you think you aren’t wanted here. Because you are.” 

“That’s difficult to believe after your convincing speech last night,” Magnus mutters, looking down at the ground in front of him. 

“Magnus, I didn’t mean any of it. You have to believe that,” Alec pleads, taking a tentative step forward while fighting the urge to reach out and lift Magnus’ face up by the chin. He isn’t sure where they stand… he isn’t sure he has that right any more. 

Magnus shakes his head before raising it up to meet Alec's gaze, tears shining in his eyes. “I believe your intentions were good,” he concedes. “But that wasn’t your decision to make. What if I left with him right away, and spent the rest of my immortal life in Edom because of a deal you struck behind my back?” 

Alec pales at the thought. “I’m sorry.” 

“So am I.” Magnus says, and Alec can practically feel the ground crumble out from beneath him at the words. “ Because now I have to deal with my father.” 

“I’m coming with you,” Alec insists. It’s his fault Magnus is in this position, after all, it’s only right he helps to clean up the mess he made. 

“No. This is something I have to do alone.” Magnus looks at Alec, hesitating just a moment before reaching out and taking Alec’s hands in his own. “But I’ll be back. We can talk then, I promise.” 

“I’m sorry,” Alec repeats. He doesn’t specify for what - for going behind Magnus’ back, for dealing with Asmodeus, for being part of the reason Asmodeus is free now and back in Magnus’ life, for breaking his heart, for lying… the list feels infinite at the moment and he figures Magnus can take his pick. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I know,” Magnus says. He offers no comfort, no forgiveness, which is fine because Alec doesn’t want either; he doesn’t deserve them. 

“I love you,” Alec blurts out, knowing it’s selfish but unable to stop himself. Magnus is about to walk away and face his father and Alec can’t stand the idea of him going with even the slightest doubt in his mind of Alec’s true feelings for him. “I know I don’t have any right to say it after everything but-” 

“I love you too, Alexander.” 

Alec can feel the relief flood through him with the words. He hasn’t lost Magnus, he doesn’t think, but now Izzy’s words echo in his head - ‘You’re not the only one paying a price here’ - as he watches Magnus open a portal to confront the literal demon of a father he wants no parts of, all because of a decision Alec made for him, not with him. 

Magnus steps towards the portal, a tentative smile on his face as he says one last thing before stepping through.“I could never stop loving you, even if you walked away from me a hundred times. My heart is yours, no matter how many pieces it’s in.” 

It’s a promise that’s equal parts comforting and heartbreaking to hear, and Alec clings to it until Magnus returns.

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [I'm thinking the vibe should be that maybe she hasn't heard from him all at for these 3-5 days like NOTHING which is obvs not like him even when he's busy] Ava: Hey, just checking in Ava: it's all good if you're busy but I'm just a little worried, probably stupid but Ava: give me a quick shout so I don't ramp it up and come 'round like a potential total idiot James: [when you can see he's reading it but not replying] Ava: James Ava: What's wrong? James: what's right? nothing Ava: Please tell me James: how? Ava: I don't know Ava: sometimes it's easier to just say it, stick to the facts Ava: I can take time to gather my thoughts and reply, if you can't James: I can't, Ava James: talk about this, think about it, handle it James: those are the facts Ava: Okay Ava: Can you tell me where you are? James: home, I've been there the entire time James: except when I went out to buy a bottle I can't drink & drugs I can't take, so they're staring at me Ava: You could Ava: but you haven't Ava: are the girls with you? James: yes, having them here is the only way I can be sure I won't Ava: You'd never hurt them James: but I said she uses them & that's exactly what I'm doing James: as a sobriety chip Ava: Caring enough about your loved ones and your responsibility towards them is a noble one to stay sober Ava: hold onto it James: it doesn't matter, I'll lose her anyway James: I can only hold on to Matty Ava: Why are you going to lose Jay? James: because she's not mine Ava: you've done a test Ava: oh god Ava: I am so, so sorry there are no words Ava: when did you find out? James: Chloé insisted James: I'm not her father but thanks to that lovely conversation we had, I do know who is Ava: She, what? Ava: She's pure evil James: she insisted because of you Ava: me? James: yes, her hatred of your family is more deeply rooted than I realised Ava: but Ava: if I had any idea Ava: I'm sorry, I should've listened to you but I thought she'd come after me, not Ava: this Ava: James James: in a way, she is, this affects you too Ava: but it's yours and the girl's lives Ava: it only affects me because I care about you James: you don't understand what I mean, it's yours & your family's too James: I can't say the words, Ava, other than what I've already said, I know who her father is Ava: I don't understand but I'm trying Ava: how could it affect my family Ava: that's Ava: no it's not possible James: Ava James: she told me how it happened James: told me to ask him Ava: but Ava: how could he James: I don't know, she said that they'd had an argument & he was really under the influence Ava: but Ava: forget the fact he's a bad boyfriend, forget the fact he's turned that into being a worse husband Ava: it's the fact he's going to be so selfish, put us all through hell because he loves Rio and that makes it okay, then he's not even going to fucking mean it and worst of all, he's going to fuck it all up, after all the pain of us accepting and dealing with his decision, with her- and why? because she made Nancy's life hell? Ava: he's as twisted as her, I'm gonna kill him James: I'm sorry James: if it redeems anything at all, I think Rio at least knows, I think it's possible that maybe everyone did but us Ava: you have nothing to be sorry for Ava: he's helped Ava: he's helped ruin your life Ava: Jesus James: you see now why I couldn't tell you James: talk to you at all Ava: Of course I see Ava: this is Ava: just terrible James: everything is ruined Ava: what are you going to do? Ava: what is she going to do? James: she's going to tell him if I don't Ava: He has to know Ava: how has it never crossed his mind Ava: he's clearly many things but stupid isn't one of them James: apparently she told him about the pregnancy and his response was to tell everyone about his relationship with your cousin James: so she quickly recanted & we know the rest Ava: so he used Rio as a scapegoat Ava: that's even worse Ava: well, karma has caught up with him Ava: but not enough, nowhere near James: this is all according to Chloé, she's rarely to be trusted Ava: She didn't lie about the DNA, did she James: evidently not, but that doesn't mean she has a clear insight into any of your brother's motivations or feelings Ava: I don't care Ava: any way you slice it, it's wrong Ava: oh God Ava: he can't take Jay from you Ava: she's yours James: she uses people, Ava, he won't have been any different James: he's a law student, he'll know better than me what he can or can't do Ava: Like he used her, because he was pissed off? Then used Rio, who he claims to love, to get out of the situation you then got forced into Ava: I don't want to talk about him Ava: you've raised her, you wanted her when she was presented to you as yours, you didn't wriggle out of it Ava: she named you, even if she lied James: maybe he won't want her anyway, he's got a family, a wife, whatever happened then it's obviously in the past for them Ava: Exactly Ava: even if that's Ava: disgusting Ava: leave Chloe to tell him, it'll go as well as the first time James: she's given me time to get a DNA done, with no prior knowledge of how long that would take, I can leave before she tells him Ava: You can Ava: she's a fucking idiot, even if he for some reason believed her this time, how is he doing a DNA, he's never met Jay, he has no way of contacting her but through you James: our bags have been packed for days, I just need to actually go Ava: Where will you go? James: I don't know Ava: I guess it's for the best you don't tell me Ava: I wouldn't want to say, even under duress James: right Ava: I'm so sorry, James James: me too James: I thought the hardest thing left to tell Jay would be about us Ava: Do you have to Ava: if you leave James: she'll have to know & if it doesn't come from me it could come from Chloé herself, years from now potentially James: there's only so long we can stay away, I don't have my own money Ava: That's true Ava: that would be Ava: but this will be so hard for you Ava: at least she's still going to want to stay with you, there's no chance she'll want to be anywhere else Ava: you'll find a way to make your own money Ava: wherever you end up James: as a single parent with so few skills I'm less sure of this imagined future but Ava: People do it Ava: you can James: maybe she'd be better off with him James: in the end Ava: No Ava: money makes life easier, it doesn't make it worthwhile, come on Ava: knowing your parent loves you, that's so much more important Ava: you love Jay, more than anyone else could James: but he's not a bad father, is he? he could love her Ava: You love her Ava: what about you? James: I love you too but it's not enough James: everything's still ruined Ava: not because of you Ava: because of this Ava: them James: I should've done this sooner James: I knew there was a chance James: she never said it about Matty, not once Ava: So did he, where's he been Ava: and she knew for sure and she still let all of this happen Ava: no one else is here taking responsibility, looking after those girls, it's you James: what the fuck am I going to do? Ava: The money you have, if it was enough for a deposit in London, it'll be more than enough anywhere else, enough to rent and live off whilst you get it sorted, getting them into schools, job hunting Ava: I still love you, James James: come with me Ava: I can't, my parents would file a missing persons Ava: even if I told them I was going, they wouldn't let me Ava: when you're settled, tell me where you are, I won't tell, if they start asking Ava: and I can come see you again James: I can't just leave you here not knowing how long I'll be gone Ava: I've already made things bad for you Ava: she wouldn't have done this if I weren't related to him James: but I'd still be married to her if I didn't have you to make me realise how bad that was Ava: I don't want you to go Ava: but that's only because I'll miss you so fucking much I can't think about it, and because I'm scared for you and what you'll do and what will happen Ava: but you can't lose her James: can you convince your brother to do the right thing? you talked to Teddy, that helped James: I don't know, I know it's not the same, but James: I can't lose you either, not now James: not when I need you more than ever James: I'm so scared & so alone with this & I don't want to do the wrong thing James: Jay will have so many questions if we just leave Ava: Oh, darling Ava: I don't know either, I don't think you can be sure about this it's so Ava: uncertain and messed up Ava: but if you can't lose me, you won't Ava: and I'll try my best with whatever else you need me to but I can't promise anything, really James: there's always been someone telling me what to do, every step James: & now there's nothing, we're all in free fall Ava: You can do this, I know now more than ever is a time impossible to have that self-belief but you can Ava: you don't have to be alone though, I'm here for you James: will you come over, please? Ava: of course James: I just can't go anywhere else right now Ava: That's beyond understandable Ava: I'll walk, that'll be quickest James: okay Ava: James James: yes? Ava: Before I leave, we'll have a plan, alright Ava: even if we don't stick to it fully or we make changes Ava: I won't go 'til you feel at least 1% better about it all James: if it makes you feel better I'm at 1% at the prospect of seeing you James: not only because I can't tell if Matty is actually getting sick or if I'm just stressed Ava: We'll aim for 2% then Ava: and I'm sure she's okay but I'll make sure too, yeah James: how could I ever walk away from you again? Ava: I wasn't convinced I'd survive it either but James: they aren't the only reason I stayed sober James: I don't want you to see me like that either Ava: I am so proud of you Ava: no one would want to be sober in your position right now, so the fact you could Ava: you're so strong, love James: it's so hard being around her right now, wondering if actually her temper isn't inherited from her mother like I thought & what else I've mis-attributed, but the idea of not being with her is Ava: There must not be a word to put to how confusing, conflicted, it all feels James: this whole situation is a huge blank page James: my family have all individually kept ringing me but I have nothing to say, no way to tell them that any of this is going on Ava: You've been in shock Ava: They can wait, you had no choice in hearing it but you can feel as if you have more of an idea before you tell them James: until they're at the door Ava: you've dealt with worse, you can't deny that now Ava: but we will try to get you some reprieve Ava: I bet you haven't been to sleep James: how long can you stay before your parents take issue with it? Ava: I'm sure I can get a friend to cover for me, I'll sort that Ava: I'll stay as long as you need me James: an eternity then, fine if you have loyal enough friends or I had vampire attributes Ava: I'll stay with you for an eternity like that Ava: even if I have to go back to sleep after a certain point, I'm not going anywhere James: I love you James: she can't ruin that, okay Ava: She can't Ava: ever Ava: she tried, amongst all the fucked shit she has pulled James: your sister clearly had the right idea Ava: yeah Ava: who'd have known James: maybe she'll have a spare bed for me in New York Ava: that will make visiting slightly more problematic but you know James: in that case, I won't write it down as step 1 of the plan James: understood Ava: unless step 2 is I apply to some NYC schools James: Goldsmiths would never forgive me Ava: I love you so much Ava: also I think I'm here but come let me in just in case James: [does]

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Ali

Chatting ‘bout Christmas, boy troubles, pregnancy AND THE FACT THE BABY IS TOTALLY NOT DREW’S LOLLOLLOL

Tommy: Oi! 😼 What you gettin da cos like even I feel cheeky considering socks for 2 years running Ali joined the chat 3 hours ago Tommy: I was gonna go full rivers of whiskey cept I'd probs drown myself in it before the bottle was in the bag 😂 Ali: So you should, elf on the shelf! Socks should only ever be an add-on prezzie, even if they're DEAD comical, like. Ali: Speaking of elf on the shelf, would you be willing to come round mine every day at the crack of dawn (aka JUST before the kiddos will arise like horrible demon krakkens from the depths) so I can arrange you in comical positions and situations? Ali: They love that shit. I on the other hand want to murder the CEO of whatever company/the high-key mum mafia that made this shit popular again. Ali: I've got me thinking cap on for the old man for ye...Hmm Ali: (and how rude to get cuffed for the season and not even get to the part where you get a bomb-ass present/someone to tout around the family functions...rude. You not actually at the bottom of a bottle quite yet though, yeah? Doing the obligatory welfare checkup here) Tommy: Excuse you miss money bags! 💰 just 'cause you're one of the rare artists who ain't starving like! some of us don't have boyfriends who cook or paying audiences Tommy: so yeah obvs! Gotta keep in shape just in case don't I? catch me pirouetting across your patio bitch Tommy: Green's my colour these days and red's always been signature Tommy: I'm alright (love you for asking!) how's you? Tommy: Genuinely Ali: Oh yeah, 'cos father will flip his shit if the price tag ain't AT LEAST three figs... 😏 Silly billy, and oi, oi! My student loan ain't kicked in yet ...I'm on a gap yaaaaaah though, darling, I've simply GOTTA act like a frivilous rich bitch. Deal with it, you're still the shady bitch of the fam, okay? 😘 Ali: Yaaasss, you're gonna have to drop a couple of pounds to fit in that teeny costume but a day in the life of a TRUE star init, babe? I believe in you Ali: Bet you didn't come here to be called fat, did you? How fucking cheeky is that forreal Ali: Colour of luck boy 🍀🍀🍀 Ali: Hmm, ngl I'm in a bit of a...situation, and I ain't talking I've forgot to order a turkey Tommy: Imagine...jog on old man just 'cause went for the quantity with the sprogs doesn't mean you'll get quality back soz Tommy: try it but good luck trying to get your little uns to deal with you being the spoilt one 😂 Tommy: well since I got the 🍀 its 🤞 Tommy: feckin hell has caleb forgotten kids are for life not just chrimbo again? Tommy: I'll deck his halls if he's being a prick Ali: That'll show him! That's what you get for bringing me into this world, whole lotta backchat and not an ounce of grattitude, take that! Ali: Join me 'cos I'm sure that's what mum feels I've got her Ali: We did Rio's first Xmas morning, and 2nd, at home! It really is Caleb's fams turn Ali: I can't help that its Junie's first, evidently I ain't planning this shit woman! Ali: #contraceptionwhomst? #pulloutnhopeforthebest #itswhatgodwouldwant Ali: And it ain't like we're not coming over for a second dinner, we fat as hell, get wid it and pass the gravy Ali: Catch me in the tesco throwing tantrums with Rio on the reg tbh #twocanplayatthatgamehoney #childrenraisingchildren Ali: Nah, although loving all the macho threats of violence when my honour is at stake as of late...Is my drama letting you live up to your full brotherly potential? Welcome... Ali: TMI, give a shit, but I'm late on and I've thrown up a few times, not from the mother's ruin, like Ali: hahahahahama'sgonnakillmeisn'tshe Ali: whatthefucklike Tommy: Who you kidding you're the blatant fave & lbr if the lord's got his specs on should be even more so for following her shining example like Tommy: honor thy father and mother and all that Tommy: who doesn't love a mini me Tommy: especially one who can sing every sperm is sacred with perf pitch Tommy: Amen! this aint 1850 pass the roasties gdi! Tommy: all we want for christmas is carbs Tommy: OH MY CHRIST NOT AGAIN Tommy: 😧 Tommy: I know you're on your gap year but no need to be so literal Ali: Ha, please! Not Tess Vickers' fave. Da's, obviously, as he is mine, (babe). You and Joe are the momma's boys, always have been, you needy little babbas. Ali: A woman who doesn't love herself...damn, too deep, reverse, reverse! Ali: You'd be surprised how annoying an all-singing-all-dancing constant reminder of all your best and worst bits is Ali: Usually the best, which is happy-making magic, but when its the worst...GOOD LORDT. Plus its a reminder of the same in your other half, and we all like to overlook that shit now, don't we? *sips tea* Ali: God I am gonna go HAM with my 'cravings' this Chrimbo...what timing! Maybe I did plan this after-all Ali: but no, I did not Ali: But yeah...this is a thing I'm processing, thought I'd drag you down with me 🤷 Tommy: I was gonna be all like not with him probs dead in a ditch and me one audition away from getting cosy in a cardboard box but I better swerve too dont wanna spend the season with the samaritans on speed dial Tommy: you and fraze are the success stories savor it Tommy: honey I've got a mirror Tommy: and near constant feedback from them in the know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: that's calebs chrimbo gift sorted then yeah? Ali: Lordy, I know we're Irish but there's no need to be that fuckin' maudlin, Tommo Ali: Oh, you wanted an idea for Da but that is SO Fraze's prezzie Ali: Just tell him that, all day. Money can't buy that kinda happiness Ali: The spirit of the Holidays Ali: Them in the know don't know shit Ali: I mean...gift or curse? Ali: We've only just got back on track, this is probably going to derail the whole damn caboose Tommy: everyone's a critic and there's only one shane macgowan I hear ya Tommy: I reckoned you meant a mirror for a sec I was like uh huh he's got that one covered love 😏 Tommy: Hey! That's mine covered 🙋 just repeat that back to me Tommy: those clueless cunts Tommy: Nah he'll be buzzing esp if he gets another girl Tommy: there's only one Rio but he's shameless ha Tommy: leave the cursing for ma she'll be doing plenty once she's done stuffing your stocking with contraceptives Ali: Mhmm, save it for the improptu karaoke when we're all feeling merry on the day, like Ali: Lmao, he'd live in a 360 degree view changing room if he could Ali: How millenial of us! Lets just gift each other with positive affirmations Ali: Maybe...Gah Ali: Whatever, whether he deals or doesn't, doesn't change the fact I am with child again and yeah, Caleb's reaction is the least of my worries Ali: I'm going to be going to Uni abroad with 3 kids...damn Ali: If I don't get locked away for my own good, of course Tommy: 😇 Will do Tommy: I reckon that's the goal when he 'makes it' Tommy: scrawl it on my personalised starbies cup and have done babe Tommy: You're grand it'll just be one hell of a plane ride Tommy: 🍀 & 🤞 Tommy: OH SHIT WAIT Tommy: the whole Caleb reaction thing has me thinking...not to be rude but Tommy: it is his yeah? Ali: It better be Ali: Aside from the Drew incident I didn't shag anyone else Ali: and we used a condom Ali: I mighta been several sheets to the wind but I hadn't lost my whole goddamn mind Tommy: thank christ for that Tommy: imagine trying to play happy families with that twat Ali: Amen Ali: Yeah that isn't the life I've signed up for Ali: Bitches forget I already got a ring on my finger, like Ali: Legal or otherwise Tommy: Beyonce is here for your union Tommy: good enough for me Tommy: low key proud of ya not to be an enabler but like Tommy: I'll happily hooray you getting Drew to put something on it too god knows where that fuckboy's been Ali: Thank you! I will take that hooray because I literally had to mum Ro's arse and tell her to do the same every time Ali: AND had to do it in such a way it didn't sound like I was saying as much, like, your boyf is a cheater and we all know it sweetie Tommy: ugh 😷 glad you did though I hear your next door nemesis had to get herself to the clinic sharpish & i don't reckon she'd spread gossip that'd make her out to be riddled Tommy: 🦀🐛 Ali: 🤢😤 Unsurprised on both their behalf there but low-key furious Ali: he knows how that bitch treats Ro, and always has done Ali: there's being a cheat with any random hoe and then there's that...is it me or is that next-level careless? Ali: To the point it looks like he's doing it to hurt her, I'm sure he's just ignorant but, like, what the fuck?!!? Tommy: RIGHT? Tommy: like I don't doubt she ain't telling him all the ins and outs of her childhood drama but still Tommy: even with more brains than biceps he's gotta have a clue or two Tommy: OOOPS ACCIDENTAL COMPLIMENT Tommy: I'm offended on my own behalf Tommy: almost as cringe as once thinking he was hot 🤓😳 kms Ali: Yeah but it ain't like he's not been here...and she's still a cunt to Ro now, so Ali: Tries to be to me but who's listening, Bitch I'm deaf all of a sudden??? Ali: Hahahahaha Ali: He's attractive, to the point its kinda fact more than opinion so I don't think you're alone on that score Ali: If the notches on his bedpost are anything to go by...and I fucked him so can't be judging, consider your sins absolved, no hail mary's needed, maybe a few bloodys when I next pin u down for an IRL debrief? Ali: Oh wait, a bitch can't...I'll make it a Virgin Mary...WHEY! Tommy: True and I know he ain't got a bitch muted 'cause I aint rn either 👀 & my specs are on when I'm scrolling Tommy: I see what I see Tommy: 😞 Tommy: Fuck it lets go dancing Tommy: bounce that bump while you still can Ali: 'Course not, gotta 'low the bitch to slide into dem dms on the reg, if for nothing else than the ego boost Ali: 😒 Ali: I need that, lets go lets go lets go, its been TIME since I got to go out and not take the bubs Ali: I'll have to see who can have 'em though... Ali: Can't be mum, really selling how responsible a parent I'm gonna be to 3 by throwing 2 at her and fucking off to partay Tommy: SAMSIES...not that I'm going out with 2 kids on the reg but y'know Tommy: we on it 💃 Tommy: Dial up their daddy Tommy: he'll step up while we step out I'm sure Ali: Sure, just the one, like #oosh! toosoonforbants? Ali: Can but try, I'll get back to you when he replies Ali: Ooh, what are we gonna wear Tommy: I've got my elf cossie if I can only squeeze in Tommy: you could pin a red letter on if you've got something that won't clash 🤔 own that guilt like a good catholic 📿 Ali: Ooh, festive AND appropriate for my situ, I like it. Tommy: A for advent sweeties 😘 Tommy: can you cut my hair though I looking like the grinch if he was a blonde blue eyed dreamboat Ali: And Awesome! And Ali! And Ass! 😎 Ali: Obvi, you never could rock the long hair look, remember that dark period in time 😂 Ali: Can I try something slightly new tho? 🤔 Tommy: why the feck not gotta at least look ready to mingle like Tommy: 💔😂 Ali: Dubo not gonna know what's hit it and ya mans gonna know what he missing when I'm done with you! Promise Tommy: I'll hold you to it Tommy: no pressure Tommy: oooh maybe we could go shopping 😀 Ali: You know I'm winning boys back like its my business Ali: well, boy singular but that's enough, right? #greedybisexual Ali: I am always down for killing time snapping up killer #lewks, lets do it man Tommy: yaaaaaaaaaaas Tommy: careful I might hold you to that too #tipsfrommybabysiskms Ali: baby be wise tho 💞 where u at i'll come get u Tommy: about a lot of things yeah 👍 nws I'll come at you I need the exercise #aintforgotyoucalledmeafattylike Ali: alright well, RUN FORREST RUN Tommy: 🏃