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cassieopeauh · 7 months ago

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What is this feeling?

Pairings: Elphaba x Reader x Galinda

Summary: You are in love with the two most well known girls at Shizz. They both love you, but loathe each other and loathe that the other loves you. They try to steal you from each other and win you over. Intercourse is had. Feelings are hurt. Everything works out in the end.

Word count: 5100

Warnings: SMUT⚠️, like so so so much smut ya’ll. Porn with some plot. Eating out. Fingering. Thigh riding. Grinding. Slight dry humping. Bra used as gag. Semi public sex. Y/n is lowkey a bop. Brief dom/sub dynamics (the roles are reversed a few times cause y/n is written as a switch) brief hate sex. Angst. Feelings are hurt. Apologies are said. Based off movie knowledge only. They all make up and get together in the end. I think that’s everything.

A/n: Galinda and Elphaba are probably a bit ooc in this srry. I’ve only watched the movie but have been listening to the musical soundtrack for years. Plz don’t roast me if I got some of the stuff about shizz wrong 😢.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“What is this feeling so sudden and new?” Galinda whispers to herself as she watches you below from her shared dormitory balcony.

She shifts her body so her head lays upon her arms which lay atop the stone wall surrounding the balcony, as she dramatically sighs and continues to dreamily look at you from above.

Her usually confident and cocky persona felt like it crumbled to pieces whenever she was around you, leaving her uncharacteristically awkward and nervous. Vulnerable. Thus, to her, confessing to you seemed out of the question.

She had tried to wish away these pesky feelings, but to no avail. She had fallen hard.

She watched as you walked over and struck up a conversation with her irritating roommate. Oz, you were so much more kind than her. You had been going out of your way for the last week to befriend the girl because you saw the unjust treatment of her and knew it was undeserved. The same girl that has been nothing but a thorn in her side since they were unfairly roomed together.

Meticulously manicured nails scraped against the concrete beneath her grasp in deep jealousy, as she watched you and Elphaba’s conversation become a bit “too friendly” for her liking. She felt like she was going to scream if this kept up!

“It’s not fair! I am ten times more perfect in every way than that little goth prude! Why does she get first dibs on everything I deserve?” She said aloud to no one. Theatrically slumping down behind the balcony wall and draping her arm over her face.

If overcoming her fears of confessing to be with the one person who had made her feel a true connection with meant keeping her little rival from having what she wanted…

She made up mind right then. She was going to push aside her fears, put on a confident mask, and use her natural charm to snatch you away from Elphaba.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you.” Elphaba was never one to want much, never one to think herself attractive or desirable from the perspective of others, but you had brought out a part of herself she thought she had buried along with all her other wishes.

You were both still new to each other only having been friends for a few weeks, but Elphaba now having understood her feelings saw no reason to wait any longer. Always one to never hold back when it came to speaking her mind, despite fear of rejection, she asked you to accompany her to a secluded part of Shizz so she could communicate her feelings to you.

“I don’t know what to say…” you replied.

It wasn’t that you weren’t overcome with a sense of giddiness whenever you were around her. It was that while having feelings for Elphaba, you had also been harboring the same kind of feelings for your other gorgeous friend Galinda.

You were also well aware of your two love interests' rivalry, knowing no that if you were to start a relationship with Elphaba, the pink obsessed blonde would take it as an act of betrayal.

But at the same time you couldn’t bare to turn down Elphaba, with how much you liked her and knowing her deeply rooted insecurities and how much she must have overcome just to confess to you.

You were fucked either way.

“I… I need time to think… please don’t take it the wrong way, I like you! I do..I just… it’s complicated.” Your heart withered at the sight of Elphaba in front of you putting on a brave face and masking her disappointment. Concealing her feelings and pretending she doesn’t care what people thought of her was her specialty.

“I… understand…….I think it’s best I go now.” Elphaba cast her head downwards as she didn’t want you or anyone to catch a glimpse of the newly forming barley concealed tears. She was so stupid to think you could reciprocate her feelings.

“Elphaba wait!” You called after her, but she carried on striding away from you. What could you say to her anyways? Nothing you could say could soothe the black hair girl’s pain of rejection. It wasn’t even a full rejection! Oh Oz why did you say that! Why does liking more than one person have to be so complicated!

Little had you known a certain blonde haired socialite had followed behind you and Elphaba after overhearing the ravenette asking you to follow her somewhere more private. That same girl had eavesdropped on conversation from behind a stone pillar a safe distance away.

She was now more determined than ever to win you over in light of her now confirmed suspicions of Elphaba having a crush on you as well.

Her heart initially felt like it had broken upon hearing you say you liked her back, and then mended itself at hearing you half reject her. Giving her hope for a chance. She was usually so confident, knowing what she wanted and taking it. That half a second of heartbreak and vulnerability was enough to let her know not having you was simply not an option.

——————————————————————

“What is this? What did you do!” Elphaba’s morning routine was immediately halted as she stepped out of bed at the sight of a wall of pink decor, suitcases, lamps, bags, etc.

“Oh that? I’m simply making room. I’m having y/n over for a girls day after our plans for today. Oh and of course I had to hide your hideously plain side of the room.” Galinda hadn’t even bothered to raise her head to look in her roommates direction as she spoke to her. To busy going through the steps of her complex morning hair routine.

“What? Why would y/n be coming over here? You’re much too stuck up for her to willingly be around.” Elphaba said. Annoyance clear in her voice. The mention of you had caught her off guard though, especially since the two of you hadn’t talked since that mortifying confession.

“I’ll have you know y/n and I are actually friends. And I’m not stuck up, you only happen to think so because you’re the bottom rung of the popularity ladder! You’re simply jealous of the fact y/n would rather be friends with someone perfect like me!!” Elphaba didn’t need to see her face as she could practically hear the girl's smug look in her voice.

Elphaba felt that familiar tingling sensation of the magic building up inside her at Galinda’s harsh words. Words that were unusually cruel for the girl who claimed to be ‘oh so good’. Words born out jealousy and insecurity for the affections she held for y/n.

Just as Elphaba felt like a burst of magic might leave her and crack a second balcony window, a set of four knocks came from the dorm door with the many carved details and brass trim.

A glance between them. One of masked anger and one of feigned innocence with a smugness behind it. Galinda got up to open the door.

“Y/n hiiiii!!!! I’m ever so glad you could make it! Let me show you in!” The blonde took you by the hand and brought you in, closing the door behind her.

“Oh and I don’t believe you’ve met my roommate! This is Elph-“ She started with faux politeness. An attempt at making things more awkward between the two girls in front of her and then whisking you away infront of her rival in a show of pettiness.

“Oh, we’ve met…” You trailed off. Sheepishly avoiding the ravenette’s gaze.

“Yes… we have…” Elphaba suddenly felt very exposed, awkwardly standing. The floor had suddenly become very interesting.

“Oh well I’m so glad that my very best friend and my roomate already know each other! Well, we better be going now, come along now sweetness!” Galinda threw a not so inconspicuous wink your way, much to the bewilderment and then jealousy of Elphaba, still stood in her nightgown.

“Oh! Uh…Alright! Coming!” You were thrown off balance by the sudden use of a pet name only to come to and scamper after the pink figure fading down the hall. Not before casting one last longing glance at Elphaba. Both of you shared a look before you too disappeared down the hallway.

As Elphaba closed the door shut the sound of a window pane breaking shot through the silence you left her in. A magical manifestation of her jealousy and sadness.

——————————————————————

*Thud*

Galinda, empowered by her regained confidence, pinned you up against the empty classroom door. Both her hand on your waist as she looked down at you with blown out pupils and unsteady breath.

“Oh… y/n, I know this must be a sudden shock but I positively just couldn’t resist anymore!” She rubbed her thumb across you hip where her hand laid as her eyes flickered between you eyes and your lips. You stayed frozen between want for the girl in front of you and want for the girl you had left in her dorm.

“I do wish you feel the same… I haven’t felt like this about anyone… a few flings here and there, yes… but I really care for you… I… feel vulnerable.. around you.” You could see the sincerity in her eyes as Galinda watched for you with baited breath.

“I… I feel the same way, b-“ Galinda cut you off with a hungry kiss, her brain only having registered your words of reciprocated feelings

Your brain suddenly feeling like mush in the midst of Galinda’s onslaught of heavy open mouthed kisses. Your hands wandered up to grasp the back of her head, tangling in her golden curls. You completely forgot what you were even going to say.

The taste of her lip gloss mixing with your own, while Galinda nipped at your bottom lip. Per usual, Galinda got her way, as you opened your mouth for her to explore. Galinda wasted no time.

The two of you parted momentarily. A string of saliva connecting your mouths, both of you panting, before the blonde dove right back in. Simultaneously lifting her leg slightly so her knee was wedged up against your core. You made a noise that was instantly swallowed up by the girl pinning you to the door.

“Is this okay?” She asked, seemingly just now remembering her manners.

“Yes… please don’t stop.” The blonde went back for another kiss before her mouth started traveling along your jawline and then to your neck. Your head turned sideways and up to give her better access. You had lightly started to grind down on her leg that was in between yours.

Galinda had started to hastily mark you, not caring if anyone saw it on you. (Maybe hoping a certain someone would see it). As she worked her way down to your clavicle her hand started to unbutton your shirt. Helping her shed your outer clothes and being left in your bra, she took a moment to admire you.

“You’re beautiful..” She said as she unashamedly raked her eyes up your exposed skin up towards your face. Giving you a gentle kiss this time. Your hands cupping her face, while her hands reached around your back to unclasp your bra, dropping it to the floor.

Hands began to grasp and fervently pull at your breasts as the intensity of the kiss came back once more. All noises being lost to the blonde in front of you.

Some of the fog left your mind as the sounds of someone walking outside the door and down the hall brought you back to reality.

“Wait.. *pant* someone might come in..” A slight look of fear graced your features. Surely you would be expelled for this kind of behavior.

Galinda only smirked in reply. She held you face with one hand, flicking the deadbolt on the door with the other.

“Guess we’ll just have to be quiet then” Pulling you from the door to the mahogany teachers desk in the center of the room.

She hopped up on the desk and slightly leaned back. Patting her thigh while looking at you expectantly, you complied. Climbing up and straddling her thigh you couldn’t help but wish Galinda was a little more exposed, like you were.

Settling down with your clothed core pressed against her thigh, you gave just the slightest of pouts as you reached up and gently tugged at her top while locking eyes with her.

She let out a breath chuckle.

“Oh baby… you want this off?” She watched as you nodded and then guided your hands to unbutton her blouse and revealed her bra underneath.

Your eyes hungrily swept over pink silk that barely concealed hard nipples. Your hot breath fanning down on her now mostly exposed chest. Once again taking the lead, she guided your hands to her back, where you unclasped her bra. Tossing it aside.

“Wow…” was all you managed to get out, making her lightly giggle. You looked at her, and after receiving a small nod, you experimentally ran your hands over her breasts. Thumbs stopping over her nipping and gently rubbing.

She let out a quiet moan which encouraged you to continue. Her noises slowly building up in their frequency. She then took control again by leaning forward and capturing you in a kiss and bringing your hand to her face.

“Let’s get you out of this skirt…” she smiled at you. You stood up, putting on a little show for her, as you removed your skirt, undergarments, and shoes. Giving her a little spin and then climbing back to your original position.

“There we are… now.. take what you need sweetness.” Her words commanded you to start slowly grinding your now unclothed core against her thigh. Her hands went to guide you by your waist, as you held onto her shoulders for support.

“Oh…Oh my..” your breathing picked up as Galinda urged you into a faster pace. Moving her hips back and forth to meet you halfway. Her leg by now being soaked in your arousal.

“Oh.. that’s right sweetheart…keep going..” Galinda praised you as you grinded down harder. Clit dragging across milky white thighs. That feeling of heat starting to build up more and more in your lower area.

Panting now, as your noises started to grow, Galinda connected your mouth to keep the noise to a minimum so no one would hear. Your little whines and moans being muffled by pink lips.

What felt like too soon, you had started to get close. The pink clad girl could tell by the way your hips started stuttering in their pace.

“Come on sweetness… come for me..” Galinda panted, getting worked up just from the sight of you getting off on her thigh.

Her words seemed to help push you over the edge, as you came. A loud whine escaping your lips. Riding out your orgasm for a few seconds before slumping into Galinda. Both your bare breasts pushed against each other. Your head resting on her shoulder, while her fingers rubbed up your back and in your hair and gave tiny little kisses to your neck.

“You did so well… you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to see you like that.” The blonde whispered in your ear, causing good bumps to appear along your nape in her wake.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time as well…” you said while catching your breath.

You stayed in that position of embrace. Waiting for you to recover from your exertion.

After a minute, you started to feel Galinda squirming a bit below you. You sat back so you could look at her.

“Do you want me to..?” You said.

“Please.” She replied.

You slowly peeled yourself away from her and slightly sat back. Hands resting on her thighs, feeling the slick from where you were a minute ago.

You tugged at her last remaining garments, as she helped by maneuvering herself in order to remove her skirt and underwear. Eyes raking over her. Taking in every aspect.

Leaning in and giving her a quick peck on the lips before trailing kisses down her neck. Then to her sternum. Next, her navel. Then finally reaching the place where she needed you most, you glanced up to her eyes once more before shifting your mouth forwards.

She let out a breathy moan as your tongue made contact with her slick. You took a couple of long licks before focusing on her clit. She tasted sweet. Your hands found their places around her upper thighs

Your movements continued to coax airy whines and moans from her. These only spurred you on more. Now deciding to add one finger in the mix, you experimentally poked your right ring finger at her entrance. That elicited a slightly louder moan. Heat pooled in your stomach at that.

You slowly started pumping your one finger in and out of her core while still continuing to lick at her clit. Galinda’s hands were suddenly in your hair, pushing you further into her and groaning.

Deciding to add another finger, you slipped a second one into your rhythm. Stretching her out further. After a particularly loud moan though, you stopped your movements which in turn brought out a whine and a pout from Galdinda.

“Why… *pant* why’d you stop?” She questioned. Not a fan of being teased. You brought your head up to meet her gaze.

“I’m sorry, you were being a bit too loud. Someone might hear us. Here… this should solve the problem.” You took hold of her previously discarded silk bra and brought it up to her face.

“Are you okay with this..? Being.. um… gagged I mean..?” Galinda’s pout was replaced by a smirk and a little laugh at your sudden shyness. She thought it was adorable.

“Of course, now I can be as loud as I want. To show you how you make me feel.” She grinned and took hold of the bra you held out to her. Clamping her teeth around it and leaning back to give you access once more.

You returned to your previous position and activities. Speeding up to get her back to where she was. You heard her muffled noises, much more frequent and high pitched. It was clear she had been holding back a bit before as to not be heard and subsequently caught.

Her hand returned to the back of your head as she grinded her hips against you. Getting closer, her grip tightened and her hips started to fervently rut and buck up into you.

With one last drawn out muffled whine from her, you felt her come on your hand. Feeling her walls flutter around your fingers, you helped her ride it out before pulling away. Crawling up to her once more, you sucked her juices off your fingers before pulling the bra out of her mouth to bring her into an embrace as she had done for you. Letting her rest.

Once she had recovered, she leant back to pull you into another kiss. This one was slow and full of love. Parting to breathe you both only paused for a second before going back in for another.

No words needed. Only the moment.

——————————————————————

A set of four knocks sounded on the intricate door.

“Galinda’s not here!” Elphaba called out to who she assumed was one of her roommate's little henchmen. Galinda had left for the afternoon to meet a secret importer for a new collection of dresses she was sneaking into Shizz.

When the set of knocks continued after Elphaba had called out, she sat up from her study material, and strode over to the door to open it.

“I told you she’s not he-…” Elphaba was greeted with the sight of your face. Holding a small sheepish smile.

“Hi… I was hoping we could talk?” You looked up at her through your lashes with baited breath. Hoping you hadn’t ruined things with her.

“I thought you’d be out with Galinda. Seems you two are never apart these days.” She replied with a displeased look on her face. She was no fool. She knew there was likely something going on between her roommate and you.

It was true though. Galinda had insisted you stayed glued to her side since your “girls day out”. Practically dragging you along on a leash. Not that you minded being around her all the time, but it left you no time to resolve things between you and Elphaba.

“I… I wanted to come and apologize for not speaking to you since… last week.” You guiltily looked away. You had been rather horrible to her for not speaking to her. And sleeping with her roommate who she loathed.

“Go on.” Elphaba crossed her arms. Giving you a blank face.

“Well… I’m ever so sorry for not talking to you. I like you, I really do! It’s just… I also like someone else and if I were to be with you it would hurt them. Though I see that the opposite has happened and I’ve hurt you instead.” You tried to keep your composure while you apologized, but it was clear that your eyes were becoming watery.

“Galinda…” Elphaba stated what was already known. The sound of defeat in her voice. Her posture sulked downward.

Your eyes widened as you took a few steps toward her.

“Oh no! Please you must believe me that I never wished to hurt you! I just-… I want to be with both of you! But I know that’s not possible because you two hate each other and I wish her friends weren’t so cruel to you and it’s all so complicat-!” You were cut off by green lips silencing your rambling.

She pulled back. Tears in her eyes as you looked on with shock on your face.

“Please, I’ve never been one to want anything. I shouldn’t let myself want anything. But I just want you. You hurt me, I can’t forget that, but I can’t stand that she has you. Please just be with me… even if it’s just for this moment…” Her words were heartbreaking. She had endured more than her fair share. Given so much, yet received so little.

“Anything you want…” You gently reached up and caressed her face. Leaning in and connecting your lips and a soft and tender kiss. Tasting salty tears from where they had fallen from her emerald eyes.

Growing more confident, Elphaba brought you both inside the dorm and shut the door with one hand. All while never leaving your mouth.

What started out as slow and emotional had started to become more passionate. Hands sliding up to tangle in hair. Being pulled closer by the waist.

Your hand moving down to tug at her button up.

“Would you let me take care of you?” Your voice barely above a whisper. Waiting for permission.

“I’ve.. I’ve never…because of my greenness… no one’s ever…” Elphaba nervously sputtered out.

“That’s alright… if you want me to, I can lead. All you have to do is let me take care of you. You deserve it Elphie…” You said as you looked into her eyes.

“Okay… please just know… I am green everywhere…” She looked so vulnerable at that moment. Fear of rejection due to her complexion having been hardwired into her brain.

“I don’t care about that, Elphie. I think you’re truly beautiful. All over, inside and out.” You said with a smile of reassurance. And with a small smile and nod in return, you went ahead.

Careful fingers danced their way from one button to the next before pulling the white shirt over her shoulders and down her arms.

She gasped at the foreign sensation of fingers ghosting over her black bra covered nipples. Hands coming to rest on your waist.

“Let’s get you somewhere where you can relax, pretty lady.” You giggled slightly at the evident blushing at your use of a pet name. Guiding her over to her bed. Laying her down on her back with you sitting in between her legs.

“What now?” Elphaba asked, not knowing what to do or what exactly came next.

“Next, I’m going to get you ready. And then I was going to use my hands. Are you okay with that Elphie?” You watched for her response. Making sure to give her plenty of warning and above all ensure her comfort and enjoyment and give her room to say no.

“I trust you…” Her eyes conveyed the same thing she said. Her hand reached for yours to hold.

A small smile graced your features as you leant forwards to kiss her. Hands dragging along exposed collarbones until they reached the bra clasp and undid it. Sliding it off through her arms.

Hands started to gently grope at her bare breasts as your hips slowly pushed forwards into Elphaba’s to add pressure.

“Mmff!” The girl below you’s moan was muffled by your mouth on hers. She held your waist. You started to slowly grind into her. The both of you getting worked up.

Continuing your movements while slightly changing the rhythm now and then. You watched as the girl beneath you slowly relaxed.

When you thought you had made her wet enough, your grinding ceased and you moved over to straddle one of legs to make room around her core.

Breaking apart while one of your hands trailed up underneath the girl's long skirt. You once again made sure.

“Is this okay?” The words felt familiar to your ears..

“Please.” So did hers.

Reaching her undergarments, you felt around to find the seam. Your fingers finally finding purchase around them as you pulled them down and over her legs. Watching the string of arousal that attached to it as you tossed them aside.

“You’re so wet… that’s good.” Looking up to meet her blown out pupils.

You moved so you were laying over top of her while keeping your hand around her core so you could make out with her to ease the tension.

Your middle and ring finger trailed up and down her slit. Collecting the slick and rubbing it around on your fingers.

Next, you gave her clit a gentle rub, eliciting a whine from the ravenette. You continued to rub and then press down with your thumb, while your other fingers circled around her entrance.

Finally, you stuck a single finger into her. Her body reacted by bucking up. You were getting riled up just watching her.

“Nngg, t-that’s, so so good.” Elphaba’s usually reserved nature was coming undone.

You added another finger and sped up the pace. Thrusting them up into her while letting the back of your palm rub her clit.

“Good girl… that’s it.” You praised her. Elphaba’s noises were becoming more frequent. You could tell she was getting closer by the way her walls were gripping your fingers, trying to suck them back in.

Speeding up your movements and then latching onto one of her nipples was enough for the witch to climax.

Her loud moan came with the fluttering of her walls. Suddenly, for just a few seconds, the both of you were floating, before gently landing back down on the mattress. She had unknowingly used her magic.

Her pants slowly subsided. After pulling your hand away and licking it clean, you trailed kisses from her chest to her face, where you peppered light kisses around her mouth.

“You did so well… you’re so beautiful Elphie…” you whispered into her ear. Rubbing her shoulder then going to nuzzle into her neck.

Elphaba, still coming down from her high, wrapped her arms around your back, and planted a kiss on your head.

��Do… would you like.. a turn..?” She slowly said, unsure of her words.

“No, but thank you for offering, sweet girl.” She could feel you smile into her neck.

“I just wanted to show you how much I care for you. You don’t have to give anything. You deserve all the pampering in the world.” Your genuine words brought liquid emotion to the girl with the emerald eyes.

She pulled you closer. No more words needed. Just the moment.

——————————————————————

You were screwed.

In the last few weeks, the two girls you had slept with rivalry had only grown since you had seen both of them. Both of them going out of their way to try and best the other to get closer to you.

They openly loathed each other, no more fake politeness or toleration. Simple unadulterated loathing.

Galinda would sweep you away from Elphaba to sit with her and her friends at lunch. Then Elphaba would retaliate by making sure you sat next to only her during class.

All the back and forth and the complicated feelings was making your head spin.

Currently you were on your way to the two girls' dorm to return study notes Elphaba and graciously lent you.

As you approached the wooden door, knocked, then opened it halfway, you stopped. What were those… noises… you were hearing? They sounded… angry? But also…… oh. Oh.

You pushed the door open the rest of the way and froze.

Galinda and Elphaba. The two girls who swore loathed each other. We’re in bed together. Naked.

Phrases like, “I hate you so much, ohhh!” And “I hate you m-more, she doesn’t *pant* deserve you. Ahh!”.

…

What the fu-

*thud*

Out of shock, you had dropped the heavy notebook you were carrying. Both girls let out a little shriek and sprung apart as though they had burned one another.

“Um… i-I…. Uhhhhh…. Glad you two aren’t fighting anymore……???” You nervously stated. Feeling very awkward at interrupting what was happening between them. Though at the same time ecstatic that they were finally getting along in their own weird way.

“Y/n!” Both of them said at the same time. They glanced at each other and then back to you. Your cheeks flushed and eyes looking anywhere but them. Everything was quiet and still.

….

“Well…. You might as well get over here and help.” Galinda’s unwavering confidence had come back into play as scootched over and patted the empty bed space next to her.

“G-Galinda!” Elphaba stated in shock at her roommates sexual confidence in adding a third.

Both looked at you and waited for a response.

“Uhm…. O.. okay” You replied quietly, still embarrassed.

You closed the door and walked over Galinda’s king sized bed.

You let out a help as Galinda yanked you into bed and into a fiery kiss. Her giggles reverberated through the room. Elphaba laying beside you so she could trail kisses along your neck.

Your head was reeling under the sensual onslaught from the two girls.

This was exactly what you wanted. Your girl problem dilemma was over. They both liked you, you liked them, and now they liked each other. This could really work out.

Your heart's deepest desire was fulfilled .

#wicked #wicked movie #elphaba thropp #galinda upland x reader #gelphie x reader #elphaba thropp x reader #elphaba x reader #galinda x reader #galinda upland #glinda x reader #glinda upland x reader #gelphie

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juniperpyre · 5 months ago

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lily evans potter: womanhood, motherhood & morality

lily as the dream girl in canon and fan spaces

i want to talk about this while there isn't a current upsurge in the discourse

Lily Evans Potter is introduced to us as Lily Potter, the dead mother of Harry Potter. Lily and James potter, dead, leaving their poor, miraculous son to live with the dull, horrible Durselys. We only ever see her through, with the exception of her sister, the memory of men.

I've said before that I believe James and Lily are the ideal masculine and ideal feminine, both to Harry and in a metatextual way. parents are our introduction into gender roles, the "correct" way to be a man and woman. since Lily is dead she cannot disappoint Harry. she can be imagined as the perfect woman, which is, of course, a wife and mother. the dream girl!

Lily's death makes her a silent, ever-loving, beautiful young mother, for both Harry and the reader. James is slightly deconstructed in SWM, but Lily is not. She is a fierce protector, brave, clever, and only emotional (angry) once James, her future husband, provokes her enough.

in the text Lily is not truly presented as flawed in a meaningful way. the moral choices she makes: to build a relationship with Severus, to defend Severus, to break their relationship when he refuses to reject bigotry, to join the Order, to die for her child, are all the correct moral choices. these are the choices the narrative is telling us to respect.

women have, for the past 200 years or so, been conceived of as the moral center of the family.* Lily Evans Potter is the moral center of the series. her choice to die is mirrored by the main character, Harry, and sparks the beginning of victory. Harry's sacrifice is enabled by another mother, Narcissa, making the correct moral choice because the power of her maternal love urges her to this choice. finally, Voldemort's most powerful follower, Bellatrix, is killed by a housewife and mother, Molly, in a maternal rage at the idea of her daughter being murdered.

Lily's sacrifice and the emotions behind it are mirrored multiple times in the final battle because it and she are the moral center of the series.

that Harry is frequently told he has his mother's eyes, and that Dumbledore points out how his essential nature mirrors his mother's, further highlights Lily's character and her choices as implicitly good.

women, especially mothers, as our moral authorities, is an unconscious cultural belief we can see play out in the fandom and subfandoms that Lily is discussed in. we can all recall the characterization of Lily as the goody-two shoes that James has to change for, the characterization of Lily as "not like other girls", the BAMF characterization, the current near mommy dom to James characterization.

the characterization of Lily changes with our view of the best kind of woman. but she is, always, demonstrating a most "correct" way to be. maybe it's 2007 and she's telling James off—not fun, but right. or it's 2012 and she's not preoccupied with boys like her classmates. or it's 2019 and she always knows the right thing to say to Remus when he's down on himself. or it's 2025 and James is trailing after her like a puppy while she contemplates what size strap to use on him after she beats up a bigot.

We don't see a lot of moderate views on Lily. Above, I've discussed how Lily lovers tend to portray her. Lily haters, a smaller group from what I can tell, do not utilize these common fanon characterizations. They disparage her as an immoral, selfish, bad woman. The wholesale rejection of Lily as the moral center based on her perceived immorality is the other side of the coin.

I'll refer to people with this perspective as "Lily haters" though I am aware there are people who dislike her outside of the topics I'm discussing.

I rarely engage with Lily haters, though I am aware of their arguments that Lily was a bad friend to Severus, a social climber, a gold digger, or boring. All grave sins for the woman who's supposed to save everyone.

This perspective doesn't reject Lily as the moral center or the perfect woman, it is an argument that she's not fulfilling her role correctly. Her unwillingness to give Severus more chances is selfish, stuck-up, classist. Her desire for James is an further betrayal of Severus.

She's supposed to be the Madonna, why is she being a whore?

I believe Lily hate comes from a belief she failed at being the perfect woman/mother, and therefore she is worthless. A bitch. Weak willed. Oversexed. even by haters her role as the moral center is not questioned.

in both the og text and in the fandom supertext Lily is the moral center because of her role as mother. her status as the moral center is inextricably tied to her motherhood. since Lily being a mother is the point of her character, divorcing her from her motherhood often changes the foundation of her character.**

when her literal motherhood is removed from a depiction of her character, her metaphorical status as the perfect woman/mother is often still intact. this is seen in the characterizations I described earlier, and, I argue, in the belief that she's too good for James when it is used as a "justification" for shipping James with someone else.*** thereby, she is further purified, not even having been touched by a man. she's put on a pedestal, where she can't be touched, and is rarely noticed.

it is also frequently seen when she is written as a side character in a relationship with James, and the pair become the dual moral guides for the main couple.

this reflects James and Lily as the ideal masculine and feminine, as they are a perfectly harmonious couple when a side pairing. their implicit canonical roles are subconsciously reflected in fanon with little critique or commentary on the canon text.

Lily's entire character is crafted to be The Perfect Mother™️. whether she is literally a mother in her fanon depiction or not, she is still The Perfect Woman™️—and is still affected by the biases our culture has towards women and mothers.

thus, Lily is the dream girl in the text, the moral center only seen through a nostalgic veil, and a dream girl in fan spaces, as the moral guide for the men in her life who pegs her husband or is too pure for the touch of a man.

for more on gender in the wizarding world, based on gender in early modern england (pre the cult of domesticity) see this post

*see the cult of domesticity if you'd rather not read the article

**please like fucking do not fucking act like I'm saying you cannot do this. I swear to fucking god

***you don't need to justify your ships

#lily evans #hp meta #harry potter #marauders #my work #this might have a part 2 #m: meta

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anonymousewrites · 9 months ago

Text

A Not-So-Disastrous Love (Book 2) Chapter Four

Saiki Kusuo x Reader

Chapter Four: Cute Girls and Ghost Girls

Summary: There's a new cute girl in the school, and there's also a haunting.

Saiki and (Y/N) watched a first-year walk through a crowd of students. All the men were giving her gifts and trying to help her find her way around the school. It reminded Saiki and (Y/N) of Teruhashi, except…

“Who is she?” whispered (Y/N).

“No idea,” said Saiki.

Clearly, though her beauty was immense, she was not the perfect pretty girl Teruhashi was (honestly, it would be scary if there was another person with Teruhashi’s presence and powerful beauty in the world).

“When I heard the boys, I thought it was Teruhashi,” said Saiki.

“I wonder if Kokomi and the freshman will meet,” wondered (Y/N). “It might break the world.”

“Yare yare.” Saiki sighed. “Let’s avoid her.” He didn’t need more bothers (especially not people who drew attention) in his life.

“She’s not in our year, so it should be simple,” said (Y/N).

Wrong.

As Saiki, (Y/N), Nendou, and Kaidou walked to their classroom as break ended, they found a group of their second-year students peeking into a first-year classroom.

“Wow, she’s super cute,” whispered some of the boys.

“It’s Imu Rifuta,” sighed another dreamily.

“What are those guys doing?” wondered Nendou.

“Probably checking out the cute freshman,” said Kaidou.

“Oh, the girl from this morning,” said Saiki.

“I wonder what she’s like,” said (Y/N).

“You mean more or less annoying than Teruhashi?” said Saiki.

(Y/N) leveled a look at Saiki, and Saiki quieted. “No, I mean if she’s actually a nice girl or not.”

Inside the classroom, Rifuta stood and walked towards the door. It’s only a matter of time before I dominate this school. This is a pain. However, as soon as she opened the door, the boys blushed. But I guess they deserve a treat. She put on a shy smile. “Do you need something from me?”

“Do her thoughts match her appearance?” whispered (Y/N).

“She wants to dominate the school,” said Saiki, directly into (Y/N)’s mind.

“Huh,?” asked (Y/N). They knew that Teruhashi felt the pressure to be the perfect pretty girl, and while most of her kindness—especially to her friends—was legimiate, she did make sure to present herself well to the world. That was understandable, so (Y/N) didn’t hold it against her. And Teruhashi was learning to be herself, like rejected Saiko and such.

Hopefully, Rifuta was like that. If she wasn’t…that could spell trouble. And conflict. And an unhealthy relationship for Rifuta with her self-image in the long run.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Are you dating?”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

The crowd of boys had no idea that Rifuta knew exactly how to play them, though, so the questions just kept coming.

“What? A boyfriend?” Rifuta blushed. “No, I don’t.” She lightly hit an older boy, playing a “petulant” but cute role. “That’s not something you can simply ask a girl.”

I wish she would hit me, too, thought all the boys.

“But if I do get a boyfriend, I want someone older who can take charge,” said Rifuta.

All the boys gasped and blushed.

(Y/N) groaned. “So she’s that type of girl.” Rifuta was able to manipulate boys and did so intentionally.

They’re such easy targets, thought Rifuta.

Nendou approached and leaned in to look at Rifuta. She jumped in surprise and fear.

“What is this?” he asked.

“Nendou!” exclaimed the other boys.

“Fine, I guess she’s cute,” said Nendou, “But Teruhashi is cuter.”

Teruhashi? Who is that? thought Rifuta. What, did he just say she was cuter? She narrowed her eyes. There’s no way this dump of a school has someone cuter.

“Hey, Nendou, what are you talking about,” said a classmate.

You tell him! thought Rifuta, smirking.

“She’s an aggressive Kokomi, isn’t she?” said (Y/N), reading her like a book.

“Yes,” said Saiki.

“That’s not a fair comparison!” continued the classmate. “You can’t compare her to an angel!”

Wait, I lost?! Rifuta’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“What a blow,” remarked (Y/N).

“This girl is ten times cuter than the average girl, not a hundred times cuter!” said the classmate. “They’re in different leagues!”

Another blow.

She’s that cute?! thought Rifuta incredulously.

“Shut up, back off,” said Nendou as the boys advanced on him.

“It’s fine. I’m not that cute at all,” said Rifuta, trying to pretend to be humble. “I’m-I’m a little curious to meet this Teruhashi.” This is nuts! I need to see her!

Yare yare.

“How do you feel about that quiz, (Y/N)?” asked teruhashi as she stood up for lunch.

“Pretty good,” said (Y/N). “On one of the triple integrations, I definitely started with the wrong axis, so it took me a while, but I think I sorted it out in the end.” They smiled.

“Oh, yes, I’ve done that, too,” said Teruhashi, smiling.

Outside the door of the classroom, Rifuta looked in, and her jaw dropped open. Teruhashi’s smile shone just as much as she did.

How is she so beautiful?! thought Rifuta. I can see why they call her an angel now. I can even see her wings. She shook her head. No, those are just clouds! Even the sky is on her side? I-I can’t let anyone be cuter than me.

“Look at her,” whispered some second-years. “She’s so cute.”

I haven’t lost yet! Rifuta smiled triumphantly. Everyone’s calling me cute!

“Look, it’s Teruhashi,” said a boy, running to the door to look in. He was in another class, so he didn’t get to see Teruhashi as often as other people.

“She gives my life meaning just by living in the same world,” sighed another boy.

That goes far beyond just cute! Rifuta couldn’t believe it. A world that doesn’t revolve around me?! I will never accept that! “E-Excuse me,” she said to the boys. “I wanted to go to the cafeteria, but I got a little lost. Could you please show me the way?”

“Of course!” said one boy.

“Yes!” said another.

“What?”

“She asked me!”

“Want to fight?!”

Rifuta inwardly smirked. I’m going to steal every boy fawning over you.

And then, a shining light rained down on the squabbling boys.

“What’s this commotion? Are you fighting?” asked Teruhashi.

She’s even prettier up close! Rifuta just stared. Her eyes flicked to (Y/N). And she even lets random people hang around her?

Hey. Saiki thought (Y/N) was better to look at than either Rifuta or Teruhashi, so he didn’t appreciate the thought.

“Of course not,” said one of the boys.

“We were just fooling around.” The other smiled. They were like best buddies now.

They stopped fighting just because this girl showed up! My beauty causes conflict, but her beauty goes beyond that. She brings people together!

“You want to go to the cafeteria?” said Teruhashi, smiling at Rifuta. “(Y/N) and I can show you the way.”

(Y/N) just smiled, as bright and cheery as ever. Rifuta felt very confused and intimidated by the whole thing.

Saiki was annoyed that his partner was getting stolen for lunch, which meant he’d be stuck with just idiots.

“This is the fastest way to the cafeteria,” explained (Y/N), ignoring the “oh, wows” being created by the sight of Teruhashi.

What is that “oh, wow” sound I keep hearing?! thought Rifuta.

“You’re name is Imu, right?” said Teruhashi. “That’s such a cute name. Your pigtails suit you.”

Rifuta blushed. “Really?”

(Y/N) tilted their head as Rifuta gazed adoringly—on accident—at Teruhashi. Huh.

“They are very cute,” said Teruhashi.

No, what am I getting happy for?! Rifuta couldn’t believe her own reaction. People only give compliments when they think they’re better than you. I’ll show her! “Is that so? But you’re much prettier, and your skin is so smooth.”

“Oh, stop.” Teruhashi blushed. “I’m not wearing any makeup today.”

No makeup! Rifuta was being blown out of the water.

“Let’s get a meal ticket,” said (Y/N) cheerfully. They were used to Teruhashi and what happened around her by now, so while Rifuta kept being shocked, they just kept walking to the counter for food.

“Three noodle bowls coming up,” said the servers. He smiled at Rifuta. “This cute freshman gets a fried shrimp on the house.”

Yes, look at that! Rifuta felt victorious. When you’re as cute as me, then they give you free food at the—Her eyes bulged upon seeing Teruhashi’s tray.

The bowl was twice as large with a lobster, egg, and three pieces of fried shrimp.

“Oh, (Y/N), I got too much fried shrimp. Would you like some?” said Teruhashi.

“Sure,” said (Y/N), smiling as they were passed the free food. Hey, they might not have been changing the world order with their looks, but they had a good friend, so what did it matter?

She got a whole lobster?! And she shared?! Rifuta’s head was spinning. A world that doesn’t revolve around me? “I can’t handle this!” She put her tray down and ran.

“Imu?” said Teruhashi. Inwardly, she smiled. I’m sorry, but you must learn your place. The world doesn’t revolve around you. It revolves around me.

In my opinion, they’re both as bad as each other, thought Saiki.

“You were really trying to impress her, Kokomi,” said (Y/N) as they sat down.

“I was just showing her who the perfect pretty girl is,” said Teruhashi. “She’s cute, but she’s not me.”

(Y/N) waved their chopsticks at Teruhashi. “We’ve talked about this, you don’t need to attach all your worth to that. Besides, she’s doing the same thing, and you can see that it gets bad if someone is better than you in some way. Next time, let’s try to be a little nicer? Maybe you two could be friends. Then the world would really revolve completely around you.” They laughed.

Teruhashi paused and considered. She smiled shyly. “I guess you’re right. I was a little harsh. I’ll be a little gentler to my kohai if we meet again.”

“And that makes you the perfect pretty girl,” joked (Y/N). To them, what was inside counted.

Teruhashi’s cheeks burned, but she smiled at her friend. At least someone was honest with her and treated her like a regular friend. It was refreshing.

They’re as bad as each other, but Teruhashi is nice to (Y/N). I’ll put up with her for that.

“You hear a not from the music room,” whispered Kaidou. “When you open the door, you will see on the piano keys a pool of blood!”

Nendou, Saiki, and (Y/N) didn’t react and just stared at him.

“Why aren’t you reactin?” Kaidou sweat-dropped.

“Just wipe up the blood then,” said Nendou.

“That’s not the point!” said Kaidou.

“Why are we always scared of ghosts? I can’t imagine they’re all like the horror movies,” said (Y/N). They smiled. “Maybe they’re just having a good time.

“Ghosts are scary!” cried Kaidou.

“A ghost in the music room? Wasn’t there someone who knows about ghosts? I can’t remember who it is,” said Saiki.

“You’re just pretending not to know him because he’s a pervert,” said (Y/N).

“Yes,” said Saiki.

“Saiki!”

“Speaking of the pervert,” said (Y/N) brightly.

Toritsuka stood in the doorway of the classroom. “Please help me.” Blood dripped down his forehead.

“It’s a ghost!” cried Kaidou.

“That doesn’t look right,” remarked (Y/N).

“Don’t worry about it, I just got punched when they caught me listening by the girls’ bathroom,” said Toritsuka.

“So you deserved it? No worries then,” said (Y/N), humming.

“That’s why I pretend not to know him,” said Saiki.

“Can we talk, Saiki? Please?” said Toritsuka.

“Yare yare.” He knew he would be bothered, so he stood up and went with Toritsuka. (Y/N) gave him a thumbs-up as encouragement.

“I am begging you,” said Toritsuka. “Come with me tonight to exorcise the ghost in the music room!”

“Help you again?” Saiki was uninterested in the idea

“I promised some people that I would handle it,” said Toritsuka.

Saiki considered. The extra attention the ghost brings is bad for me. Too much ESP things going on could be a problem for the one psychic that didn’t want to be found out. Yare yare. “Fine.” He was going to hate this.

“There’s something exciting about being at school at night!” said Toritsuka.

(Y/N) yawned. “I’m ready for bed.” They’d only come so their boyfriend didn’t have to deal with Toritsuka on his own (plus they wanted to see a real ghost).

“I’m surprised. I figured a coward like you would be scared,” said Saiki, looking at Toritsuka.

“Are you kidding? How could I be scared when there are ghosts everywhere?” said Toritsuka.

“Most people would be,” said Saiki.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” chirped (Y/N).

“See?”

Plink!

“I heard a piano!” cried Toritsuka.

“Clairvoyance.” Saiki crossed his eyes and looked at the music room. “No one’s in there.”

“Let’s go see,” said (Y/N).

“To the music room!” said Toritsuka. He flung open the door. “Stop right there!”

“Nobody is here,” said Saiki. “But what can you see?”

Toritsuka had a strange look on his face.

“What are you seeing?” repeated Saiki.

“Only he can see the ghosts?” (Y/N) sighed, disappointed.

“See it for yourself with your psychometry,” said Toritsuka.

Saiki touched Toritsuka with one hand and (Y/N) with the other, sharing the ghost-seeing ability.

“What is it, something bad—”

“Oh,” said (Y/N).

It was a girl their age, a ghost, playing the piano.

“She’s so cute!” cried Toritsuka.

“Who cares about that?” said Saiki.

“Let’s talk to her,” said (Y/N). “Excuse me,” they said.

The girl stopped and looked up nervously. “You can see me?”

(Y/N) nodded. “Your playing is very nice.” They smiled.

“But, uh, you’re scaring people,” said Toritsuka.

The girl’s face dropped. “My playing is scaring the other students?” Her voice was small, disappointed.

“That’s because nobody can see you except for this weirdo,” said Saiki.

“I’m sure no one would be scared if they saw you,” said (Y/N) kindly.

“I didn’t mean to scare anyone,” said the girl. “I just realized I could touch this piano for some reason. Playing it really relaxes me.”

“You must be able to touch things that meant something in your life,” said Saiki.

“So you’d be able to eat coffee jelly if you were a ghost,” said (Y/N).

Saiki couldn’t exactly argue with that comment.

“Play as much as you’d like,” said Toritsuka. “I’d love to hear a ballad!”

“He’s seriously flirting?” (Y/N) sighed.

“We can’t just let her keep doing this,” said Saiki, and Toritsuka frowned.

“That’s true,” he admitted. He looked at the girl. “I’m sorry. As a spirit medium, I can’t just ignore a ghost causing trouble for others. Now, please be gone.”

“That’s a bit harsh, poor girl,” said (Y/N).

“Please! You’re frightening everyone,” said Toritsuka. “Will you leave this place? I’m begging you?”

“What?” said the girl, confused.

“You’re trying persuasion?” said Saiki.

“That can’t be effective,” said (Y/N).

“He can’t even touch ghosts,” recalled Saiki.

“You can come to my house!” said Toritsuka. He grinned. “Please? Just for a little bit?”

(Y/N) looked directly at the ghost. “I’d suggest moving on to the afterlife at this point. He’s weird.”

“No, no, you can come to my house!” said Toritsuka.

“Over my dead body,” said the girl.

“Nice ghost joke.”

“I’ll stop playing,” said the girl. She bowed her head. “I’m sorry for all the trouble. Goodbye.” She faded away.

Toritsuka deflated from disappointment at failing to flirt with yet another girl. “I feel kind of bad.”

“We didn’t have a choice,” said Saiki.

“At least she can move on,” said (Y/N). They smiled. “And then she’ll be at peace instead of lonely at school playing all on her own.”

Toritsuka sighed again. “But I could’ve brought the piano back to my place for her.”

“Don’t ruin a nice idea by being a pervert.”

“Weirdo,” chirped (Y/N).

The piano player would move on in peace, but Toritsuka got ganged up on. All was well in the world once more.

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#a not so disastrous romance #x reader #gn reader #nb reader #x gn reader #x nb reader #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #saiki kusuo #saiki x reader #saiki k #kusuo saiki #saiki no psi nan #saiki #saiki kusou no psi nan #saiki kusuo x reader #kusuo saiki x reader #kusuo x reader #saiki k x reader #tdlosk

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osmanthus-wine-addiction · 5 months ago

Text

19 Costumes

Zhongli x Reader / NSFW / Hollywood AU / Modern AU / Zhongli is married in here, but not to reader / Slight age gap and mentor-student relationship / Infidelity but not really / a bucketload of angst / mature themes so read at your own discretion

The moment your eyes caught his from across the room, you knew this would be the most difficult role you would ever play.

After all these years, absolutely nothing had changed. His fleeting glance, the gentle smile on his lips, the sound of his voice, his gentlemanly demeanor, the way he carried himself, everything about him effortlessly triggered the rapid beating of your heart. He still affected you the way he did when you first met him. Whether or not that was a good thing, you would find out.

This was the first lead role you had been casted in. It turned out, he was the one who had brought up your name in front of the director. He had that sort of influence in this industry, being the seasoned and respected actor he was. Even Director Hu had to take his professional advice and suggestions to heart. You were initially taken aback when your assistant informed you of the news, thinking your ears were playing tricks on you.

Zhongli had always been your idol, all the way back when you were still attending acting school. You got to meet him on set several times, each time was like a brush of the shoulders, fleeting but memoriable. You were always playing side characters, so once your scenes were done, you'd quietly disappear. Still, he remembered you, gave you guidance like a generous mentor, sharing pointers and techniques to help you improve your performance whenever he caught you hiding behind the set memorizing your lines. He was like a beacon to you, someone you couldn't help but admire, someone you longed to catch up to. If only he could wait a bit for you, perhaps you'd have mustered up the courage to tell him. He never gave you that chance.

When Zhongli got married, you were genuinely happy for him. His wife was beautiful, brilliant, and well-recieved among his fans. She was his perfect match and they had known each other for so long. They were close friends before they became romantically involved. You buried your feelings and began rejecting every script that had his name attached to the production. There were plenty of roles you could take. The film industry was big enough for the both of you, without forcing your paths to cross.

While the personal lives of celebrities were often more complex and messy than even what ends up on the trending page, Zhongli did not have that sort of reputation. His acting portfolio was impressive, a testament of his devotion to each and every role. Everytime he pulled on a costume, he gave himself to the character. His acting was meticulous, layered, made the viewer forget he was playing a character.

You often hear about actors falling in love while in character. The on-screen chemistry was sometimes so convincing, the audience would insist it was real. When you gaze into Zhongli’s eyes and utter words so ironically aligned with what you had been holding in for so long, you imagine that's what viewers would see through their screens. Even the tears streaming down your cheeks were giving their best performance. Not a strand of hair was out of place. Your expensive waterproof cosmetics ensured you cried prettily as he crushed your heart on screen.

The warm breath from Zhongli's lips formed wispy clouds in the frigid air. He was apologizing, saying he couldn't reciprocate your love. He turns around, leaving you to process your emotions on your own. Your lips quiver as you relive your silly little heartbreak in front of rolling cameras and ambient lighting. The fake snow drifted down from above, decorating your sorrow with a dash of pretense. Director Hu scouts cut, but the tears refuse to stop.

At least your character got to tell him, even if she got rejected. You all read the script. The male lead eventually reciprocates her love and the two become a couple. If only reality could be that sweet.

The director gave the call to wrap up filming for the day. A collective breath of relief expelled from everyone present. Nobody enjoyed filming in the freezing cold. The film staff had already begun putting away their gear and taking down the equipment.

You pat your tears dry and thank your assistant for the tissue. Your eyes were still puffy from crying. This would be the closest you'd ever get to being more than professional acquaintences. Perhaps he still considered you a friend, but after your deliberate avoidance, the two of you had drifted apart.

"Your control of your emotions have gotten a lot better. I can see a lot of improvement since the last time I've collaborated with you, especially with the last scene." Zhongli approaches you just as you're about to head back.

You gestured for your assistant to wait for you in your van.

"You're as good as always. I learned a lot from you, in case you've forgotten." You reminded him while trying to keep your thoughts strictly professional.

"I suppose I can consider you half a student then." He chuckled. "You've come a long way, dear. It's truly a delight to witness the result of your growth and the experience you've accumulated over the past few years."

You gave him a polite smile. For a method actor, you constantly draw emotions from your own experiences. If he knew your spectacular acting just now was thanks to the heartache he had gifted you years ago, what would he think?

On your ride back to the hotel, you couldn't help but scroll through your feed. It was mostly industry acquaintences and a few close friends who managed to stick around despite your unpredictable lifestyle and constant unavailability. That's why most actors date casually and usually with familiar faces. It's just easier to forgive if you share the same woes. Zhongli's marriage was an outlier since he had married someone unaquainted with the film industry and never really had any gossip surrounding his love life. If anything, that only further solidified his reputation as actor who relied solely on his work to remain relevant. You too hoped to become that kind of actress.

Your thumb stopped at a photo of a sunset posted by Zhongli. You had followed his account all the way back when you were in college. The backdrop of the sunset was the city you were currently filming in. The photo was dated two days ago. You read the caption in your mind with his voice, a faint smile on your lips. He had always been a bit of a rambler, evident by the paragraph-long musings he narrates his snapshots with. You scrolled downward, expecting to see his wife in the comments like the last time you had clicked open one of his posts. Perhaps she had not seen it yet.

With a self-deprecating smile on your lips, you closed the app and dropped your phone into your purse. Out of sight, out of mind. You should definitely not be thinking about him as often as you were. He was a taken man, and not the kind that would breach the sacred contract of marriage. There could never be anything between the two of you. All this melancholy, it was just residual emotions from tearing open old scars. In order to play this character well, you had to indulge these dormant feelings, let them sprout and take root again. They were just as much part of the costume as the clothes you wore on set. After the cameras stop rolling, you should take them off and put them away.

These characters you played, they belonged to a world separated from reality by a screen. You weren't you and he wasn't him. In the script, you were the one his heart belonged to. He had to remove his wedding band before every scene, but once filming was over, you'd see him slip it back on.

"Has she ever visited you on set before?" You asked him during a break while sipping on the tea he had handed you. You needed some caffeine in your system after staying up all night stressing over the upcoming scene.

He smiled back, a fond memory surfacing in his mind. "Many times. In the early days of our dating, staying away from each other for long periods of time was quite the challenge."

"Your wife must trust you very much." You thought aloud.

He sighed. "She has had her doubts about me before. It's expected of someone in our occupation."

"You're not the kind of person that would cheat." You blurted out before you could process what was on your tongue.

He let out a hearty laughter. "I'm glad you think so highly of my moral character. Though I feel inclined to warn you, at the end of the day, we are all only human. Assuming the best of someone based on limited observations would only result in disappointment."

"Are you saying I don't know you well enough? Am I wrong and you actually do sleep around behind your wife's back?"

"That is not what I said." He chuckled at your deliberate misinterpretation. "I would appreciate it if you do not slander me."

"You trust her enough to leave her by herself for months in a year, but what if she gets lonely or something happens and she needs you? You can't be by her side at the drop of a hat."

"That is indeed the reality of our marriage." He seemed a bit dampened by the reminder. "What about you? Do you find the time to pursue romantic endeavors in between filming?"

"I don't have the capacity to entertain an audience at the same time as a lover."

He gave an understanding smile. "That is a wise choice. Perhaps I should've…" He chuckled, shaking his head. "Are you nervous about the coming scene?"

His eyes were on your hand, which had been fidgeting for almost the entirety of the time he had observed you.

You sucked in a deep breath. "You don't feel strange about kissing me?"

"Should I be unsettled?" He questioned you back. "It's not me, but the character I play, that will be kissing the character you play. Unless it's the technicalities you are concerned with…"

"It's my first time filming a scene like this." You confessed.

Your previous roles were all side characters without a hint of romance in their scripts. This was your first lead role, complete with a love interest and plenty of intimate scenes. The upcoming one was simply the first and you had already lost sleep over it.

"I see. That explains the pressure you're under." He nodded. "Have you kissed before?"

A flush rose in your cheeks. "Back in film school, if that counts."

"It certainly does." He reassured you. "What do you remember of it?"

You shook your head. "It didn't leave much of an impression, to be honest."

"So you may be a bit out of practice." He noted. "Our break is almost over, so there is no time to get acquainted beforehand, but I would not worry too much. Director Hu would have us reshoot ten times if she is not satisfied with the first nine takes. Sometimes I suspect she does it for fun, as it's not the first time I've worked with her…"

You giggled as the two of you returned to the set side by side. His words seemed to calm your nerves. It was like you had returned to the past, to those simpler times when you were fresh out of acting school and he was just your senior, holding your hand and showing you the way. As much as it hurt to admit it, you missed the way things used to be, before he got married, when it felt less guilty to admire him with a pair of slightly rose-tinted glasses.

Once again, the cameras rolled and the clapboard sounded, marking the beginning of the scene. You glanced at Zhongli's hand. His wedding band had once again disappeared.

"I told you not to wait for me." He sighed, cupping your face in his gloved hands.

"If I don't, how would you know I'm willing to?" You recited your line.

You hated dialogue like this, especially since it was Zhongli you were saying it to. The words constricted your throat as they struggled to make their way out.

"I'm not the right person for you." He whispered as the camera panned closer, capturing every minute expression on his face.

"That's not up to you." You retort. "It's not even up to me."

"I don't want to waste your time." He stroked your cheek with his thumb.

"You already wasted enough of my time, but I'm not in a rush…" You sucked in a quick breath as Zhongli leaned in.

He studied your face intently underneath the street lamp. His own eyes shimmered like molten amber, captivating you effortlessly. The set faded away, followed by the whirring and humming of all the filming equipment. All you could see was Zhongli as he inched closer. With each nerve-wracking second that passed, the distance between your lips diminished.

His lips descended on yours, unhurried and gentle. Your eyelids fell as Zhongli encircled you in his arms, carefully cradling the back of your head with a hand. He even kissed like a gentleman, with tentative careesses and soft sweeps against your lips. Was he just a good kisser or were you too invested to begin with? You sighed as a dull ache spread through your chest.

As Zhongli suspected she would, Hutao had the two of you do an exhausting number of retakes. You thought the first take was fine, but she insisted that something was missing. By the time she was happy, you were breathless, way too stimulated, and slightly intoxicated. His eyes fell on your swollen lips and the telling flush on your cheeks.

"That must've been quite an overwhelming first for you. I appologize on behalf of our director." He said as the two of you walked off the set. "She tends to forget us actors are only pretending to be hopelessly in love with each other."

His words pierced into you unexpectedly, causing your steps to falter. Pretending? Perhaps he was. You might've been in costume and reciting lines from a script for the rest of the scene, but the moment his lips touched yours, you forgot where you were and who you were supposed to be portraying. His character was kissing yours, but you? You were kissing Zhongli through all those retakes.

"Are you alright?" The concern on his voice was palpable.

"I'm fine. I was just a bit unprepared." You said as you grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and unscrewed the lid.

"We will not be filming the next kiss until next week, so there is plenty of time to practice if you wish to do so." He offered.

"P-Practice?" You nearly choked on your water.

"Why yes, if you find it difficult to relax in front of the camera when we are recording such a scene, it's my responsibility to ensure you are comfortable enough. Some actors struggle with the act itself while others find the presence of cameras and other people intrusive. There is quite a difference between kissing for the camera and kissing someone candidly, just like combat on screen is tediously choreographed while true fighting is often chaotic and unpredictable."

"Was that why she asked for so many takes? Because it didn't capture well on camera?"

He chuckled. "Perhaps. It's her call. As actors, we can only give our best performance. Even with all our experience and techniques put to practice, if the result doesn't align with the director's vision, we must reshoot until it does."

"Well, it's obviously my fault this time since I went in blind. The next time I hope to cut down the retake count by at least half. Two hours for a five minute scene is too much work for everyone involved, not just you and me." You declared.

The rest of the filming that day went by without much hiccups. You were starving by the time it wrapped up. Zhongli's assistants had gone off to buy takeout for the crew, leaving him alone at the back of the set. You were about to approach him to get his insight on something when you noticed the expression on his face as he stared quietly at his cellphone.

"Zhongli?" You called his name, making your presence known since he was so absorbed in whatever it was he was looking at.

He cleared his throat and put away the device, giving you his undivided attention. "Did you need my input on something pertaining to the scenes we will be filming tomorrow?"

You nodded, holding out your script. "This line here and that one too. I should be angry that you're withholding something, but I can't let you onto the fact that I know what you're not telling me. I have to convey that to the audience though, so it can't be too internalized or I would just look like a rock sitting there, but I can't be obvious enough to come off as sulking to you. How would I pull this off without looking too deliberate?"

Zhongli took your script from your hand while you took a seat beside him, waiting for him to finish reading.

"Think about someone close to you, if not a lover, than perhaps your closest friend. If they had lied to you and intend to keep the truth wrapped up until it tears or gets burned from the inside out, would you play along with their ruse or would you confront them immediately and risk losing everything you have built up together?"

You took a deep breath, absorbing his words.

"I think I'd play along, but the disappointment and hurt would be impossible to completely mask."

"Now what about the character you're portraying. Do you think they would do the same?" He asked.

"I think so. No, they would. She loves your character too much and waited all those years for him even though he never asked her to."

"Every person has specific aspects of their physical state that they have better control over. That means there will also be things they have less control over. You for example, I notice that your hands tend to be more restless when you're under pressure. You know this character better than I do. Where do you think her mask is thickest and where is it the thinnest?"

Your eyes brightened as you caught the thread of inspiration he tossed your way. "I know how to handle it now. You're the best."

Zhongli tensed in surprise when you threw your arms around him. You used to thank him with an enthusiastic hug back then too whenever he gave you valuable tips, but it had been so many years since he had seen you in person. You were a bit more mature, a polished gem now as opposed to the rough ore you were years ago. This might be your first lead role, but he had always seen the potential in you. That was why he brought you up with Hutao and suggested her invite you for the audition. As he expected, you bagged the role without much competition.

"Is there something wrong?" You asked him when he didn't hug you back. With a bit of self-consciousness, you pulled away..

He chuckled. "I was just thinking about the first time we met. You've come a long way and I can see that you've not slacked in honing your craft over the past years. Every journey will have its final day. Don't rush the process. You may yet see a day where you wonder if you had chosen the right path, but when you look back at the footsteps you've left behind and remember all the moments that brought you to where you are today, you will see that it was all inevitable. No two paths are alike, even if we walk in the same direction. I can only guide you for a short while."

"What's with the sudden introspection?" You tilted your head in curiosity. "Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye? Filming's not even done yet."

"This may be my last one."

You shot up from your seat, eyes wide with disbelief. "For now, or for good?"

"I've been in this industry for over two decades. It's been a long and rewarding career. I have no regrets, especially in meeting young talents such as yourself."

"Was that why you recommended me for the role? As a parting gift?"

"I recommended you because I found you suitable for the role."

"Then what about that sunset picture?" You demanded. "Were you trying to give us hints that you were hanging up your costume?"

You already missed the opportunity to be anything more than friends. It was just a silly crush anyways, nothing more. You survived. After a grueling early career, you finally caught up to him. All those cups of coffee, sleepless nights full of memorizing lines, and fighting for mediocre roles in as many productions as you could fit in your schedule, it was all paying off. It had been a long uphill journey, but you finally made it. You could finally stand beside him on the red carpet and he tells you he's going to quit?

"You can't." You said as you sat down again. "There are plenty of actors that work until they can't move or memorize their lines. You're not even that old. What will you do if you give this up?"

"I will simply focus my efforts on the talents signed under my agency like Xiao and Ganyu." Zhongli chuckled at your reasoning. "I can also fully step into my responsibilities as a spokesperson for the Liyue cultural exchange."

"You've always been into traditional things."

He already did endorsements for Chenyu Vale Tea and the Xigu Museum. Still, it was hard to imagine him abandoning acting since you had always looked up to him for it.

"Are you sure you won't regret it?" You had to ask him again, as if you simply repeating the question would give him a reason to reconsider.

"For every decision you make, there will be a cost in opportunity. Although acting has been a worthwhile journey, it does not mean I have not amassed regrets in the pursuit of it."

"So this wasn't an impulsive decision." You concluded from what Zhongli had just said. With some deliberation, you managed to reign in your emotions. A flush painted your cheeks. Your reaction to the news was perhaps a bit overreaching. If he wanted to retire early, who were you to say no? "I'm not going to pry since this is your life. I just want you to know that I… I've always admired your work."

Filming resumed as scheduled for the next few days. You couldn't help but sense that something was off with Zhongli. He delivered his scenes as usual, but once he was done, you'd catch him staring off in the distance, mind somewhere else.

You approached him after your last scene for the day was over. As expected, he didn't even notice you until you were right in front of him. Whatever was holding his mind captive immediately dispersed as he smiled at you.

"I was wondering if you could practice the next scene with me. If you don't have anything else occupying your time, of course. I wouldn't want to infringe… You seem rather distracted as of late." You said tentatively.

The next kiss was slotted for tomorrow morning. Besides offering to help you with it, he never brought it up again. You knew better than to let your inner demons interfere with professional matters. This was a hill you had to get over no matter what, so you might as well get it over with.

He hummed, a soft sigh expelling from his chest. "Is it so obvious?"

You nodded, resting your back against the railing beside him. "What's troubling you? Does it have something to do with your early retirement?"

Your gaze dropped down to his hands. He was absentmindedly turning the wedding band around his finger. You always noticed it, because he'd remove it before every scene and slide it back on when it was over. Perhaps this was a ritual of sorts to him, something he did to remind himself that he was somebody's husband. That ring wrapped around his finger symbolized a contract he agreed to, a promise he made to his wife.

"It does, but trifling personal matters would have to wait until filming completes to attend to."

"I'm here if you need an ear…" You offered even though you knew he wasn't the kind of man to open up so easily.

"There's no need to burden you with my personal grievances." He declined politely.

"So is the offer to help me practice the next intimate scene still up?" You said, eyes glued to Zhongli's face.

"It certainly still is. I have no reason to withhold practice if you need it." He chuckled at your hesitancy. "Where shall we go? I'm presuming you'd prefer a more private setting to ease the nerves."

Your eyes fluttered around the crowded set with countless pairs of eyes at every corner. "Anywhere but here. Is the hotel you're staying at closer or mines?"

"I believe yours is the closer one." He supplied.

"Let's get out of here then." You took his hand and all but yanked him off the railing.

Zhongli's driver dropped the two of you off at the front of your hotel before heading back to the set. The sun had long set and the streets were alight with streetlamps, signs and digital billboards. Zhongli followed you into the elevator, taking his place beside you inside the empty lift. Your hands tightened around your clutch. You were thankful to have something to hold onto, because your hands were getting restless. He was just here to help you practice, you told yourself. Nothing was going to happen beyond recited lines and inevitable liplocking, as demanded by the script. You were just practicing, for the sake of nailing the scene tomorrow. This definitely wasn't an excuse to tempt the loyal husband of another woman.

Once the door opened, the lights came on. You poured Zhongli a cup of tea when the water came to a boil. There was wine in the cooler, but you should definitely stay sober while he was in the room with you. You ordered the two of you some room service while Zhongli reaquainted himself with the script for tomorrow's scene. Once you hung up the phone, it was strictly business.

"Should I put my hand on your shoulder while I say this part?" You asked, hand already sliding up the front of his shirt as you repeated the line. Your eyes were fixed on the papers in your hand.

"Have you memorized this part of the script?" He asked you, to which you confidently nodded. "Good. Focus on your body movements and expressions instead. It would be difficult to fully immerse yourself in your character if you're holding this." He reached out and took the stack of papers from your hand, setting it down on the bed beside you. "Look into my eyes when you say the lines."

You drew in a breath and delivered the line once more, hand resting on his shoulder. "It hurt, you know? Imagining you with someone else… do you know how many times I kept asking myself, why couldn't it have been me?"

Your heart clenched in helplessness. How ironic of you, reciting false lines offscreen and confessing what you truly felt through scripted words. If it weren't for this production, you wouldn't even get the chance to be a fool.

"It's always been you, silly. There was never anyone else." He tucked strand of your hair behind your ear. "I was just hoping you'd move on while I was on mission. All I could think of were my dogtags in your hands. I couldn't put you through that."

His words, as lovely as they were, only applied to his character, not him. You knew this all too well, but the excruciating truth did not stop your silly heart from skipping a beat.

"You better be thinking of me every moment you're out there. I want to be on your mind when you eat, when you take showers, when you go to bed…"

You wrapped your arms around Zhongli's neck, taking your time before pressing your lips against his. His breath was steady, warming your skin for a brief few seconds before you closed the last bit of distance that separated you from him. Your lips melted into his, soft and eager.

You wondered what was actually on his mind while his lips were against yours. Does his wife surface in his mind, or is it actually you? You couldn't compare to him when it came to experience on-screen. He's probably filmed more kiss scenes with countless actresses than you had scenes of eating.

Your lips moved against his desperately, unable to suppress the impulse to indulge. His hands held the back of your head, fingers buried in your hair. If you didn't know better, you'd think Zhongli was getting a bit carried away by you.

"Wait." He suddenly pulled away from the kiss.

Your eyes followed his hand as he hurriedly removed his ring, dropping it into his pocket. His breathing was slightly unsteady and his heart was beating erratically.

Zhongli peered down at you, pupils blown as he took in your disheveled hair and flustered state. His own chest heaved as he caught his breath. He tore his gaze from you, reaching for the cup on the table.

You stood there as he gulped down the rest of the tea, afraid to make a single inappropriate movement. His silence was louder than the obnoxious beating of your heart. Could he tell? Surely an actor as perceptive and experienced as him could tell the difference. You chewed nervously on your bottom lip, further scraping off what little lipstick was left on it.

"Why don't we reattempt that? This time, allow me to pace the kiss. Urgency and unease captures surprisingly well on camera, but those are not the sentiments you are looking to convey. You want to entice the audience with confidence and control, both of which you were lacking just now."

"I… I haven't exactly done a lot of kissing on screen or off screen. So I can't really be confident…"

He chuckled at your honesty. "No need to fret. I'm here to help you find it. Hopefully you will have it by tomorrow morning or else I will have to stay the—" He caught himself before the thought could finish. "Pardon me, I didn't not mean it in that way."

It was your turn to laugh. "I know you didn't."

"Shall we?" He prompted.

You gave Zhongli a firm nod and repeated the lines leading up to the kiss, letting your hand trail up and over his shoulder again. Your lips met his again, but this time, you allowed him to take the lead, guiding the kiss at a more suitable pace. It was refreshing, and so much more enjoyable now that he was taking the initiative and you were only responding to his gentle ministrations. His kiss was patient, warm, and steady. Once again, you couldn't help but lose yourself. It was impossible to resist, with his hands in your hair, his body pressed against yours, and your lack of oxygen getting to your head. The tip of your tongue was met with resistance as you attempted to deepen the kiss.

Zhongli pulled away again, amber gaze sweeping over your flushed face and puffy lips again. His eyes narrowed and suspicion swirled in their depths as he observed your flustered state. It was a good thing the two of you were in the privacy of your own hotel room. It would've been a humiliating moment for you had you shown this lack of control in front of an entire crew.

You were not his protégé in the way Xiao and Ganyu were, but he had always been aware of how much admiration you held for him. He found you endearing, so it was natural for him to assume a mentoring role whenever he happened to be in your presence. When you stopped joining productions he had been casted in, he initially thought it was just due to incompatibility in your respective schedules. Months turned into years. You remained polite, but distanced, even on social media. He eventually realized that all those productions you joined in the past were in fact, not coincidental at all. You joined them in order to get close to him, to spend time with him, and to learn as much from him as you could. Your self-removal from his life had all but faded into an unresolved mystery.

Zhongli was on a year-long honeymoon haitus when you began distancing yourself from him, so of course he wouldn't have the mental capacity to dissect your strange behavior. After years of assuming you simply drifted away because you deemed he no longer had anything worthwhile to teach you, he's suddenly hit with an entirely different reason, one that he never even considered until your lips were pressed against his, your body practically melting into his arms. The way you were clinging to him, your wispy breaths feathering over his chin, and the way you stared up at him like some exhausted stray, none of this was pretending. He had been doing this for nearly two decades. With one glance, he could tell if you were acting.

He shouldn't have dragged you into this production, back into his life. What he thought was giving you a gentle push in your career turned out to be pushing you over the edge of a cliff. You were now swept up in a dangerous freefall and it was completely his fault. He could not dive after you nor could he just watch.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." You quickly apologized, trying to salvage the awkward practice session. "Was that alright?"

You picked up the script again, pretending to refresh your memory. Zhongli also cleared his throat.

"Yes, let us continue from here." He pointed at the next line.

"Don't make me wait too long." You brushed off some imaginary snow from his shoulder. "One day, I might just give up and decide I've had enough of you."

He reached up, catching your hand and pulling you close. His other hand slid over your waist, holding you still.

He sighed, eyes brimming with guilt. "If that happens, I'd be happy for you. You could do far better than—"

He was interrupted with another kiss. Every time you pulled away, it felt like you had left a small piece of yourself on him.

"I can do better than you?" You finished his words for him.

Zhongli drew in a deep breath, feeling an indescribable weight on his chest as you waited for him to deliver his lines. The look in your eyes, the carefully concealed anticipation you were trying to hide, it was all clear to him now.

"I can, but I don't intend to let you off the hook so easily." You said, looking directly into Zhongli’s eyes.

A gentle tug on his neck caused his gaze to drop to his tie, which you held firmly in your grasp.

"Improvising, I see." Zhongli remarked at your little addition to the script. "You should note this down and discuss it with the director tomorrow morning before filming. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

You snapped out of character for a moment, blushing at his praise. "You think so?"

He nodded, smiling reassuringly. You immediately jotted down the idea.

Room service arrived just as you were about to resume practice. You didn't even realize how hungry you were until the food was set in front of you. After the two of you ate, you practiced for a couple more hours with him. You thanked him and sent him on his way once you were confident enough about the scenes you were filming tomorrow. It was extremely late and if you didn't wrap things up, he might as well stay the night. Of course, you only dared to entertain that diobolical thought for a split second before exorcising it from your mind. That would be much too scandalous.

When Zhongli returned to his hotel, his mind was all over the place. The events that had been plaguing him for the past month now had to contend with his shifting perception of you for the remainder of the filming. Your genuine feelings for him complicated things, yet he would have to carry on with seeing you everyday for the next two weeks and act like he was none the wiser. There was still one last kiss scene, or more precisely a bed scene with how far it gets. His throat suddenly felt dry at the mere thought. How could he possibly kiss and touch you like that, knowing that it would all be real for you?

He pulled out the wedding band that had been sitting quietly in his pocket, slipping it back on his finger. It glinted in the stale light. Memories fluttered through his mind of the moment he had first put it on. He had promised someone the world, but failed to deliver it. The smile on her face was so radiant then as opposed to the faint ghost of it that remained on her lips now. He was an accomplished actor, but his marriage was a far cry from what the internet had made it out to be and the world would soon find out if he is unable to salvage what was left of it. His heart had been ridden with a perpetual ache, dull as their love had faded into. Too many times he had disappointed her, left her alone to face the world when she needed him beside her. He couldn't even blame her for the rift that separated them now. The responsibility fell solely on him, because he had not held up his part of the vows and now everything was too late. When he received the papers, his heart sunk to the point where, for the first time in his career, he found it impossible to focus.

That was when you found him. He had to partially lie to you, hopelessly convincing himself at the same time that perhaps there was still time. He could still make amends and sacrifices. After this was over, he would retire and make true his words at the altar.

It was all he could think of for the past few weeks, clouding his mind whenever the cameras stopped rolling. The only times he could catch a break was when he donned the persona of someone who did not exist. This person lived a life separate from his own and did not have the regrets he did. It allowed him to temporarily shed his own skin and put on a thinner one.

There was also another source of distraction he could not escape, you. Ever since that first kiss behind the camera, he had suspected there was something amiss. Now, that he was certain of what it was, he knew why you were so tense whenever he was near and the reason you had kept your distance. He was blind for not noticing it all those years ago, mistaking it for simple admiration. He had already hurt you once without even knowing and it was inevitable that he would hurt you again.

Filming resumed the next morning. Thanks to all of the practice last night, you completed the scenes smoothly and efficiently. The kiss scene was wrapped up in just two retakes, much to the director's delight. You sent Zhongli a grateful smile, which he reciprocated. Needless to say, the less you two had to kiss, the better it was for your sanity. Nobody was willing to tear that thin paper barrier. You had a professional reputation to uphold and he has to put his ring back on.

"So do you go back to your wife after all this and become a full-time house husband?" You teased him, unknowingly tearing open an invisible wound inside of him.

He pulled on a smile. "If she will allow me to, I'm willing to."

Your brow went up in curiosity. "I suppose I can imagine you in an apron. You'll make a handsome house husband for sure."

He chuckled, but the joy in his laughter dissipated with a sigh. "I hope so…"

"She won't want you at home all day?"

Zhongli shook his head. "I'm not sure if she…" He pauses, realizing that of he finished the sentence, he wouldn't be able to take it back. You were the last person he should be burdening his marriage troubles with.

"Well, there's only a little over a week left. You'll be free to go back to her and make up for all the dinners you missed."

He fell into another silence at your words. Could he still make up for the past five years? All those days she had to eat alone, sleep alone, wake up alone in bed, they had no doubt worn her down like the steady erosion of what was once solid stone. If not for his neglect, how would they have gotten to this point?

The two of you parted ways. You went to check out a local shopping venue with your assistant and he returned to his hotel to finally open the package that had been sitting on the table for the past few days.

He drew in an unsteady breath when he read the title of the papers. The minute he was handed the package by the concierge, he already knew what would be inside it. Was her heart bleeding still when she went to pick these up or has the bleeding stopped, the wound closed, and the pain numbed by now?

Many times, he opened up the contacts on his phone, had the impulse to call her. Would she even want to hear his voice? These papers spoke loudly. They told him that she was done waiting for him, that she no longer wanted anything to do with him.

To put it gently, she was setting him free, but the cruel truth remained. She was cutting him out of her life. By doing so, she was reclaiming herself by renouncing those vows they made so many years ago. If he signed these papers, she would cease to be his and he would no longer be hers. He would lose her, as he deserved to.

The next few days flew by. The last few scenes were finally underway, with only two days of filming left. The scene you dreaded most was in slot for tomorrow and you had already lost sleep over it. Practicing beforehand with Zhongli had helped immensely with the last intimate scene, but the next one was something you didn't even know how to bring up with him.

You had kissed before this production, but sexual intimacy was not something you had experienced before. How would you even act convincingly if you had nothing to draw from? You had spent the past two nights watching porn, not that the script required you to do anything explicit, but you had to learn as much as you could for context. What sounds should you be making? What expressions should be on your face when his lips are on your neck as opposed to your forehead? All of these details have to be thought out ahead of time.

Worse of all, if you couldn't nail the scene, Hutao would absolutely force the two of you two retake as many times as it took to achieve her vision. You didn't want to repeat the recording process of the first kiss with a scene like this. It would be absolute torture for you and very uncomfortable for Zhongli. He had a wife, but had to see through scenes like this out of professional obligation. Some actors might indulge in it, but you were fortunate Zhongli had been strictly professional with you, even if your practice sessions were held in an intimate setting like your hotel room.

"I thought you wouldn't ask." Zhongli replied, a faint smile on his lips. "For such scenes, the audience's imagination does much of the heavy lifting, but we must provide something for their minds to run off with. If the shot is out of focus, we must still be in a reasonably suggestive position. The camera will rarely show your body, because nothing is actually happening between us, but we must give the illusion that something is. The majority of the shots will focus on our faces, interspersed with a few obscured full body shots and some close ups of our hands, so touching will not be completely avoidable."

You nodded, mentally taking note of everything he said like a good student.

"I've been doing some… uh, research on my own. I can mimic the sounds and expressions, but…"

His eyes combed your face, reading the crease between your brows. There were some things that you were unable to say, but he could guess what they were just from your expression and words alone.

"You've never experienced it yourself." He said with as little intonation as possible. This was simply the conclusion he was able to reach with the clues you had given him. Had you experienced it before, you would not be this unsure of yourself.

You nodded, a flush creeping into your cheeks. It was impossible not to when discussing such a topic, much less with Zhongli of all people. It felt unbearably scandalous to even mention such a thing, yet here you were, practicing a scene like this. How in the world were you supposed to stay professional?

"What is the most delicious thing you've ever tasted? You can supplement that in your mind. Ice cream on a hot day, or perhaps a piece of chocolate that you've been craving for hours. Something along those lines will do." He supplied.

"I imagine it would be a little more intense then eating really satisfying food."

He cleared his throat, looking away from your face as if to avoid seeing your reaction to the question he's about to ask.

"Do you touch yourself on occasion?"

His eyes might not be on you, but you were sure he heard your sharp intake of breath. Touch yourself? You were not some clueless teenager and neither was he, but admitting to such a thing in front of someone you've been idealizing for so long felt wrong. You wanted to lie. If you denied it, your festered admiration for this man would never see the light.

"Do you know how to? If you go about it incorrectly, it would be hard to reach the result you seek." He continued, gaze still averted. His voice was still steady, however it had taken on a barely noticeable graininess. "I do not wish to infringe more than necessary, but if you do not feel confident enough, even an infinite amount of reshooting will make no difference."

"Could you…" You began.

"I cannot." He answered firmly, even before you could make your request. "It would be inappropriate of me to, even if you do not mind."

You nodded, blushing furiously and grateful that he had interrupted you before the foolish words could ever escape. What were you even thinking? He was a married man and from what you had seen on the internet, it was clear that he loved his wife a lot. As enticing as he was, you should've known better. Even if you were to strip naked and throw yourself at him, he wasn't the kind of person who would cheat.

"Sorry, I… Could we skip over that part for now? You said the camera would close up on our hands. We might not be doing the real deal, but the script says we'll at least be undressing a bit." You changed the subject to something a little less stimulating.

"Indeed. Those shots are often comprised of hand shots. Untying belts, unfastening buttons, touching each other in suggestive ways, that sort of thing." He elaborated.

"How far do we need to go? The script is pretty vague when it comes to the actual shots, so I guess it's up to us."

He stroked his chin, recalling a previous filming experience perhaps. "As far as we need to give the illusion some momentum. It does not take much."

"Since you're here, can we practice?" You finally mustered up the courage to ask. That was the main purpose of meeting in the privacy of your hotel room, away from prying eyes.

"Certainly." He followed you over to the bed.

You began with the several lines of buildup leading up to the intimate scene. Zhongli took a seat beside you on the bed. His posture was relaxed and his gaze soft, completely immersed in the scene and in his character's adoration of you.

"Wait." You suddenly remembered something, reaching out for his hand. "Your ring."

He snapped out of his character, surprised that you had noticed his habit of removing his wedding band. "Thank you."

"It's the least I can do." You smiled understandingly.

"Let us continue." He said after dropping the ring into his pocket.

The kiss was relatively easy for you, now that it was no longer the first time you've shared a kiss with Zhongli. He pulled away to smile at you, his gaze so unbearably tender, you wondered if he had in fact looked at someone this way before, his wife probably. What if he was imagining her everytime he kissed you? You wished you had someone to envision yourself with everytime you had to act out an intimate scene with an unfamiliar actor in the future. Would it be inappropriate if that person was him? Probably. You needed to find your own muse, preferably someone who didn't have a wife.

"Your mind is wandering, dear." He chuckled, noticing your brief lapse in focus.

"Sorry." You sighed, smiling sheepishly at him. "It just hit me how much my lack of love life affects my acting. I really should've gone on more dates before throwing myself into acting. If I had gotten myself a boyfriend or two before taking this role, it would've helped a lot in scenes like this."

"If it comforts you, I started with very little as well. It takes a considerable amount of time to accumulate life experiences, so do not let it bother you. You will often feel inadequate when scripts call for knowledge and insight you have yet to gain. Allow yourself the time to learn. No actor steps into a role completely prepared."

"I need to write that down and keep it in my wallet."

"Do whatever you need to remember." He smiled.

Practice resumed. The two of you exchanged a couple more lines before the intimate part of the scene finally unfurled. Your blouse was unbuttoned, exposing your cleavage and the lace of your bra, an alluring contrast to your skin. Your back was against the sheets, body caged beneath his looming frame. Zhongli's gaze swept down your chest, taking in the sight of you.

"Exquisite." He praises in that deep velvety voice of his.

You swallowed, heart racing against your ribcage. Even though you knew his words were scripted, you couldn't help the way they affected you. Under different circumstances, would he utter the same words? Would he still find you beautiful?

"Where would you prefer I touch you? I will restrict myself to those areas." He pauses to ask.

"Shoulders, waist, legs…" You imagined Zhongli's fingers feathering over your skin. "Anywhere except here and… there."

Your hands trailed from your chest, dipping between your legs. His gaze followed your movements, saw the way your thighs pressed together when your fingertips grazed against that sensitive place. The both of you were fully clothed from the waist down, barely touching, but it made no difference. The tension between you, the proximity, it had you drawing breaths as if something had sapped all the oxygen in the air.

Whether it was the warmth radiating off his skin or the way he gently cups your face in the palm of his hands while his lips caress yours, you couldn't differentiate what was real from what wasn't anymore. He was just a stray touch or an accidental brush away from taking advantage of you. If he wanted you, you might just let him have you, but he would never ask. He just wasn't the kind of person who would.

You bit back a gasp when you felt his hand on your thigh. His lips shifted, scattering kisses along your neck all the way to your shoulder. His other hand rested on your waist. Your mind was a mess and your senses in utter disarray. You trembled underneath him, fighting the impulse to seek even more closeness. He could only give you so much. This was all you were allowed to indulge in.

A moan escaped your parted lips, causing Zhongli to freeze. A shutter rippled through his body. He pulled away slightly.

"Are you alright?" He asked in concern.

The sounds you made, that unexpected moan, along with those tiny gasps you tried to suppress, they affected him more than his calm exterior suggested. He couldn't ignore them, no matter how hard he tried. Perhaps it was because he could easily tell when you were and when you weren't pretending.

You nodded, collecting yourself as he climbed off of you. The scene cuts to black after the couple exchanges a heated kiss in bed, so a bit of touching was all that was needed. The two of you repeated the lines a few more times and discussed the details of the bed scene in a more tactical manner as opposed to the immersive approach you attempted first. The proximity and touching still happened, but you were able to remain much more clear-headed. You were even able to relax a bit, faking a few convincing moans and giggling over it afterwards.

"Aren't you going to put it back on?" You motioned towards his right pocket, where his ring was sitting. He slipped it back on, an appreciative smile on his lips.

"Try to get some rest. You did good tonight. Tomorrow's filming should go well." He reassured you before leaving. You stood by the doorway, seeing him off as he got into his van.

You let out a relieved sigh. If it weren't for Zhongli going out of his way to help you with these difficult scenes, you wouldn't be able to catch a wink of sleep the night before filming them. The horror of that first kiss scene left you terrified of the amount of retakes Hutao was willing to put the entire crew through. Hopefully you would get good enough at them to handle whatever was waiting for you in your future scripts. Not every costar was like Zhongli, as you learned these past few years. You were insanely fortunate to have him as a mentor, but you knew better than to expect someone to hold your hand throughout your career. That was your journey to take alone and nobody could guide you all the way through it.

When Zhongli returned to his hotel room, he headed straight for the shower. His tie, suit, pants, all were tossed haphazardly on the bathroom counter. He stepped into the stall, letting the cold water cascade over his body. With every intimate scene, his regret for dragging you into this production increased.

That budding actress who used to follow him around from one production to the next, asking incessant questions and constantly lighting up his phone with text messages, she had blossomed into an exceptional actress. He had come across a recent production you were a part of, which placed you back in his peripheral. Perhaps you still doubted yourself, or perhaps you just lacked the connections, someone who could put in a good word for you. Your acting outshined that of the two leads. Why were you still stuck in supporting roles? He truly just wanted to give you a hand, but he should've given more thought on why you suddenly went radio silent all those years ago.

You were in love with him then.

You're still in love with him now.

Even the cold water couldn't flush that damning thought out of his mind. He rested his forehead against the tile wall. The way you gazed at him after he kissed you, the brief flicker of happiness that you had to mask as soon as you regained control of your emotions, he noticed, but he could do nothing about it. The way your body responds to his touch, unfamiliar but far too receptive, if he wanted to, he could've… No, he couldn't allow his mind to go there. The little gasps and sighs you let slip while his face was buried in your neck, that moan that escaped when all he did was brush his fingers along your thigh, they were now seared into his mind.

He shouldn't, he reminded himself. He still had a chance to salvage his marriage, even if it was just a sliver of one. What was he doing, thinking of you? His eyes fell on the ring on his finger. In his hurry to get in the shower, he had forgotten to take it off. Everytime he filmed, the ring was out of sight. He was the one who was married, not his character. It would not make sense for the camera to capture a wedding band on the hand of an unmarried character, so it had become a habit for him to take it off. Many married actors and actresses simply don't wear them out of practicality, but he never found it an inconvenience. It was a part of the vows he exhanged at the altar. He was never one to take contracts lightly, be it written, printed, or spoken.

Thinking of you like this was a breach. He was not helping you practice. He was not acting. He was simply a distracted man, unable to reign in his wandering mind. Your flustered expressions, the softness of your lips, and the feel of your skin against his fingers, all these phantoms of you kept finding their way back into his mind. Something inside of him had crumbled tonight. He placed his palm against the wall, his breathing growing shallow. You rendered him brittle, like a chisel hammered deep into a crack. He peered at the glinting ring on his hand through the curtain of water.

He could hear you, everytime you called his name, that accidental moan, along with those little gasps you let slip. You were a decadent treat laid out beneath him. All he had to do was reach out. He might not have done anything to you just now, but he couldn't deny the devastating affect you had on his self control, especially now that he was alone.

With a frustrated sigh, he pulled the ring off his finger and placed it on the niche in the wall. He then adjusted the cold water to a more comfortable temperature. It was not working in the slightest.

A shuttered breath expelled from his lungs as he reached down, wrapping a hand around his hardened cock. He closed his eyes, pumping himself at a steady pace. It had been a while since he had done this.

He imagined your body trapped between his own and the slippery tile wall. The waterdrops adorning your breasts would make them appear even more luscious. He wondered how soft they would be in his hands. You'd bite your lip the way you do when you're trying to suppress your moans as he kneads them. He would part your legs with a knee. One of his hands would slip between your legs to play with your weeping cunt, fingering your clit and making you tremble with pleasure. You'd already be dripping for him, whimpering his name with increasing urgency. The adorable flush on your cheeks would get deeper as he pressed his lips against yours, drinking in the sweet sounds you make.

Tonight, he learned that you lacked this sort of experience. Probably didn't even know how to properly touch yourself, much less bring yourself to orgasm. He imagined you curled up in your hotel bed, the one he had you laying underneath him on. Were you just as affected by the heated practice session as he was? Was he on your mind just as you were on his? He really shouldn't be thinking of you like this, pleasuring himself at the thought of you.

If you touched yourself to the thought of him, would you be imagining his fingers curling against your squelching walls, or would it be his thick cock buried in your tight little pussy? Would you be imagining him fucking you from the front or ramming into you from behind? He let out a groan, the tip of his cock dripping as he worked himself into a frenzy. He would savor every needy sound and blissful expression you make as you take everything he gave you, your body trembling from the force of his thrusts.

Zhongli let out a loud groan as he finally released, spilling himself all over the shower floor. The water flushed everything away. He scrubbed himself clean and stepped out of the shower, heart heavy with a sludge of emotions. His mind also whirled with conflicting thoughts. Some revolved around you and some around a woman he had vowed to love and cherish until death did them part.

During that year-long honeymoon, he had taken a hiatus from acting in order to spend time with her. They had made love in more beds than he could count, so the attraction and affection was undeniably there. He strived to satisfy her, fulfilling every fantasy she could possibly have. He simply wanted to make her happy and he succeeded, for a while. She was an insatiable woman, but in his eyes, it had always been an endearing trait of hers. If it was air she needed, he was happy to supply her with it. Months flew by, countless shows of marrital bliss decorated their social media timeline. The joy was shared by all his fans, some innocently asking when the pregnancy announcements were coming.

Perhaps that was what started the spiral of self-doubt. After an entire year of putting off his career, he finally stopped declining scripts, encouraging her to return to her career as well. In his mind, he envisioned the brief separation would bring back the person he had known before they had gotten romantically involved. She was once a dazzling gem, but somehow when she fell into his hands, her light went out. Guilt rose from the shadows of their stagnant marriage, choking him until he could no longer breathe in her presence. He began taking more work, leaving her alone at home for longer and longer stretches of time.

Everytime he returned home from filming, her crestfallen face would tell him nothing had changed. He had long lost the power to bring her happiness, but he refused to abandon her. Everytime he slipped that ring back onto his finger, he renewed his vows. His patience had always been an asset, but this time, perhaps it was a liability, a gilded deadweight that he had chained the both of them to.

He had been hoping for so long for a miracle, yet what he received were papers demanding his signature. She always wanted what she wanted. Perhaps he had never truly understood her well enough. If they had dated for longer than they had, he would've realized they were incompatible. A fading memory, a marriage covered in years of dust, was it really worth salvaging? Would she even be happy if he gave into her demands now, or would she mock him for trying too late?

She was giving him an open door. Perhaps it was finally time to leave. He placed the ring on the stack of papers and dimmed the lights. All these years, perhaps it was this ring he should have taken off. The most difficult roles to take on were often ones unsuitable for the actor to play, but unlike film, life didn't come with a script.

---

Author's Note: I know this probably feels unfinished since Zhongli and reader didn't get together. It's a bit different from my other entries since it's less about the smut or relationship between Zhongli and reader, but more so focused on Zhongli himself. This fic was an opportunity for me to explore into darker themes.

Author's Note 2: I was trying to edit something and accidentally deleted the old post! This is a repost.

#zhongli x reader #zhongli fanfic #zhongli smut #zhongli x you #mdni #18+ mdni #minors do not interact #genshin x reader #kinktober 2024

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branwinged · 1 month ago

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user branwinged being a daemyra shipper... feels good feels right

it's literally good!!! it's good, their scenes have great erotic energy (both pre and post time skip!) and the relationship is one of the narrative backbones of the show and is so in tune with asoiaf's themes of gender performance within the chivalric paradigm, honestly confused by the negative reception it gets from the book fandom. daemon and rhaenyra are more siblings than uncle/niece (he's introduced as the usurping gothic uncle after the heroine and her father's inheritance but this is subverted) the sibling thing is established pretty early on through viserys's control of daemon, specifically the way he sends him away from home to be married (very theon-esque in the way daemon's marriage/theon's hostageship is arranged to acquire a peacetime alliance. exactly the function brides fulfill in westeros) this is mirrored with rhaenyra. the difference being daemon is a prince with a dragon and he can just. choose to not remain trapped in some tower as he puts it to her in 1.04 "d: marriage is only a political arrangement—r: for men maybe" but rhaenyra will mirror him in this as well as she has those bastards with harwin.

there's also a reversal of gender roles happening with the two of them. in their first scene together when he's introduced as heir presumptive and gives her the necklace, the gender power differential is very clear (gendered gift, he gets to wield the valyrian steel sword but she can only have a necklace) but 1.01 ends with her supplanting him and it takes him four eps to come to terms with his inheritance being stolen and his violent pursuit of rhaenyra in the first half at the expense of her autonomy is thwarted every time (by himself lol) but then she takes him to dragonstone and makes him her wife in 1.07, like they didn't make him say that aloud but i got it i understood the message mr condal. she's the feudal lord of dragonstone now and unlike in 1.05 when marrying her presumably would've caused viserys to disinherit her (which would've absolutely led to resentment plus he's doing exactly what she doesn't wish for, being possessed as the property of her husband "give me rhaenyra to take to wife"), but in 1.07 it's her choice and is made in her interests and because of her desires and she's making him her consort. it's not a complete reversal obviously, it can never be. and the finale is touching upon some of those problems, that they're no longer perfect doubles once he crowns her. the relationship's shifted from siblings in spirit to monarch and subject now and that this partnership of visenya and aegon that they've constructed is a paradox within westerosi society, their genders don't align with the roles they seek to occupy.

the other thing that i like very much and is true for a lot of my favourite ships is that, daemon's "you were a child, i spared you" is particularly devastating because while backing away was the right thing to do for all the reasons re her personhood and autonomy, leaving did not undo the harm he already did when he came up with that plan of his to get back at viserys and it didn't spare her! the specific depravity she accuses him of is "you abandoned me!" a lot of posts here are about how she needs to flee and reject him entirely but the foundational premise here is clearly that the love will never go away. this person has wounded/traumastised/violated you and you have the full awareness of exactly how they have hurt you and you choose them anyway! because will graham voice i've never known myself as well as i know myself when i am with him. asoiaf ship of all time. tbqh.

#it's a bit like rhae/lya. incidentally everyone hates that too #and jondany! when jondany start having their own you and i have begun to blur separation is a terrifying thing bits in ados #then you will see #asks #hotd #daemyra

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sleepingdiaryzzz · 7 months ago

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I am obsessed with your yandere dick and kory!

how would they react if reader wasn't really into girls?

Yandere Nightwing x reader x yandere Starfire

At first, they wouldn’t take your feelings seriously. Kori’s bright smile wouldn’t waver as she gently brushed her fingers along your cheek, her voice warm and full of optimism. “Oh, [name], perhaps you simply have not had the chance to see how much love we can give you—together.”

Dick, standing close beside her, would chuckle softly, his tone light but tinged with determination. “Kori’s right. Relationships are about trust and connection, not just preferences. You’ll see that we’re perfect for you soon enough.”

They wouldn’t see your lack of interest in women as an obstacle, but rather a misunderstanding you simply needed their help to overcome.

From that point on, they’d both work together to subtly mold your perspective. Kori would overwhelm you with affection—soft kisses, warm hugs, and constant reassurances of how deeply she and Dick cared for you. Her physical affection would be framed as natural, part of her Tamaranean culture, and she’d always have an excuse ready if you hesitated.

Meanwhile, Dick would take a quieter, more strategic role. He’d gently guide conversations to remind you of everything Kori brought to your life—her kindness, her beauty, her unwavering love. “You don’t have to decide anything now,” he’d say, his hand lightly brushing yours. “Just let us show you how much we care.”

They’d carefully orchestrate moments where you’d rely on them—whether through Dick’s protective nature or Kori’s nurturing care—until you began to feel like there was no one else who could love you the way they did.

As your resistance persisted, their obsession would grow deeper, their possessiveness more apparent. They’d start limiting your interactions with others, especially anyone they felt might “confuse” you. Kori’s grip on your hand would tighten when someone lingered too long in conversation, and Dick’s charming demeanor would shift into something darker if anyone tried to challenge their claim on you.

“You’re safest with us,” Kori would say one evening, her voice soft as she rested her head on your shoulder. “We love you more than anyone else ever could. No one else can understand you like we do.”

Dick would nod, his arm wrapping around your waist. “We’re a family, [name]. You, me, Kori—and eventually, you’ll see that this is where you belong.”

They’d double down on their affection, working as a team to drown you in love and attention. Kori would bring you thoughtful gifts and shower you in praise, while Dick would go out of his way to ensure you felt protected and supported. Together, they’d create an environment where their presence felt inescapable, yet comforting.

In their minds, your lack of interest in women wasn’t a rejection—it was just a hurdle they’d overcome together. For them, the solution was simple: love you so deeply, so completely, that you’d have no choice but to stay. And with the way they worked in perfect sync, it was hard to see how you could escape their grasp.

(A/n: I suck at making characters talk, sorry y'all)

#yandere dc #yandere nightwing x reader #yandere nightwing #yandere dick grayson x reader #yandere dick grayson #dick grayson x reader #yandere dc x reader #yandere starfire x reader #yandere starfire #starfire x reader #dc x reader #😺– request #yandere batfam #yandere batboys

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oakheartedmuse · 2 months ago

Text

The Rise of a Tyrant

A Literary Analysis of "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes"

So, for those who don't know (no one knows), I graduated in Modern Languages and Literature, which makes me someone who loves analyzing texts!

And, in honor of me returning to the Hunger Games fandom (and also because I'm re-reading TBOSAS), it's only fair that I contribute my two cents to the analysis of this simply wonderful book (or maybe I just wanted an excuse to post Tom, who knows?).

Forgive any inconsistency and follow me under the cut!

Coriolanus Snow and his Deformative Formation

As a start, here's a concept: the Bildungsroman, also known as “Formative Novel” (is this right? the name is different in my native language. anyways, let’s call it like that). This is a literary genre that narrates the physical, moral, psychological, and social development of a protagonist from youth to maturity. It is characterized by a journey of self-discovery, confrontation with social norms, and eventual integration — or alienation — from society.

In The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Suzanne subverts this traditional model by portraying the youth of Coriolanus Snow, offering a narrative of moral "deformation" instead of ethical formation.

(For some reason, this reminds me of The Picture of Dorian Gray, but we'll leave that for another day).

So, we get to know Coriolanus Snow, an eighteen-year-old student from a once influential but impoverished family, who reveals early on an obsession with appearance and social prestige. This need for affirmation arises not only as a reflection of his material circumstances but also as a manifestation of deep insecurity. His initial motivation is clear: to restore the Snow name and ensure a dignified future for himself, and his role as a mentor in the 10th Hunger Games appears as the ideal opportunity to achieve notoriety and ascension.

However, his relationship with Lucy Gray introduces a profound tension between two conflicting impulses: an apparent capacity for genuine affection and an insatiable drive for ambition. This relationship becomes a pivotal element in his journey, as it forces him to confront his emerging values and navigate a labyrinth of moral dilemmas. His bond with her initially appears as a vulnerability, a rare connection that contrasts with the cold, calculated demeanor he often displays. Yet, as the story unfolds, it becomes evident that even this personal connection is not immune to the corrosive effects of his growing thirst for power.

Good, Evil, and What Resides Between

At this point, it is interesting to analyze Snow's trajectory in the light of the theories of Thomas Hobbes and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, authors cited in the book's epigraph (Suzanne, you genius).

For Hobbes, human nature is essentially selfish and driven by fear and the desire for power. That is, man, left to his natural state, lives in a condition of war by all against all, requiring absolute authority to ensure order and avoid chaos. Rousseau, on the other hand, sees humans as originally good but corrupted by society and its institutions — social inequality being, for him, an artificial malaise.

Snow's evolution seems to increasingly embody a Hobbesian view of existence. Through contact with the harsh realities of the Games and the districts — especially during his time as a Peacekeeper in twelve — Snow concludes that chaos is always lurking, and absolute control is the only way to ensure stability.

Influenced by Dr. Gaul, a figure who embodies a cynical and authoritarian philosophy (the perfect representation of Hobbes' theory), Snow adopts the idea that humanity needs to be governed with an iron fist (an ideology elaborated exhaustively in Hobbes' "Leviathan"). Thus, every choice he makes points to a progressive rejection of any Rousseauian idealism.

However, it is possible to argue that Snow can also be read in the light of Rousseau's theory, as a tragic example of a young man who could have followed a virtuous path but was corrupted by the oppressive institutions and structures of Panem. His initial empathy for Lucy Gray, his discomfort with the cruelties of the Games, and his feeling of helplessness in the face of the social degradation of the districts reveal a moral potential that is gradually suffocated by the demands of survival and the influence of figures like Dr. Gaul. In this sense, Snow was not born evil — he was deformed by a system that rewards cynicism, manipulation, and blind obedience to authority. Such a reading brings him closer to Rousseau's ideal of a human being originally good but who, subjected to an unjust society, becomes corrupt.

The final episode with Lucy Gray, marked by paranoia and the impulse to eliminate potential threats to his future, symbolizes the final collapse of his empathy. His transformation is complete: upon returning to the Capitol, he is no longer a young man torn between love and ambition, between good and evil, but someone who has chosen power as the supreme value. This turn signals to the birth of the future President Snow and marks the apex of an inverted formative novel — a journey of moral degradation, in which the protagonist moves away from emotional authenticity and adheres to a logic of domination.

Don't Trust Him, Not Ever

Furthermore, the choice of an omniscient third-person narrator, focused on Coryo, is also an influencing feature that distinguishes the prequel from the original Hunger Games trilogy and from SOTR, narrated in the first person by Katniss and Haymitch. This formal difference is not merely stylistic but reflects distinct narrative intentions. While the first person promotes empathetic identification with the protagonist-victim, the third person allows for a more distanced analysis of the future antagonist and the political context of the formation of Panem's totalitarian regime.

Despite the omnipresence of the narrator, the focus on Coriolanus' thoughts and perceptions introduces a subtle degree of subjectivity. The narrative reveals his self-deceptions, rationalizations, and manipulations, allowing the reader to perceive the discrepancy between what Snow believes and what actually occurs. This narrative technique maintains a critical distance that prevents complete emotional adherence to the protagonist but at the same time provides enough access to his inner world to understand him as both a product — and agent — of a system in transformation (and degradation).

While Katniss and Haymitch, with their limited and biased perspectives, are seen as unreliable narrators, their legitimate suffering inspires empathy and solidarity. Coriolanus, on the other hand, despite the apparent objectivity of the narrator, reveals himself as a biased filter that deliberately distorts events. Suzanne, therefore, brilliantly manipulates the narrative voice to create a balance between proximity and criticism, reinforcing the complexity of the protagonist.

In Conclusion...

Snow’s trajectory offers a powerful subversion of the traditional novel, revealing not the moral ascent of a hero but the making of a tyrant. The tension between Hobbesian and Rousseauian views of human nature serves as a theoretical backdrop to understand the protagonist's choices. Contrary to Rousseau's ideal of a naturally virtuous human being corrupted by society, Snow embodies, as a result of his own mind manipulated by power structures above him, Hobbes' belief that absolute power is necessary to contain humanity's latent barbarism — a view that justifies authoritarianism as a means of preventing social collapse.

Still, an alternative Rousseauian reading should not be discarded: Snow could have been different, were it not for the pressures of a system that rewards opportunism and penalizes compassion. He had the option. He chose not to. His moral downfall is also a commentary on how institutions shape — and often destroy — human potential for good.

By articulating this degeneration through a carefully constructed third-person narrative, Suzanne not only enriches the dystopia we love so much but also casts a dark and critical eye on the mechanisms of power and the ways in which ambition can devour morality.

So, Coriolanus is not just a villain: he is a disturbing reflection of a system based on fear, control, and the deliberate loss of empathy.

Here I leave my biggest shout out to this marvelous, incredible and awestruck meta made by @hamliet, which inspired me to make mine. Kate, you nailed it! ♥︎

#tbosas #tbosas meta #coriolanus snow #the hunger games #thg meta #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #my work

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transmutationisms · 1 year ago

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from a non-academic, i find parts of comphet to be useful (heterosexuality becomes compulsory when you’re raised in a heterosexual society) but the foundations . suck. what do we do with theories like this, that have touched on a truth but also carry a lot of garbage? can we separate the truth from the founder?

i have to be slightly pedantic and say that i don't think rich's essay is an example of this phenomenon. my central issue with her formulation is its bioessentialist assumptions about human sex and therefore also sexuality. if i say "capitalism includes economic mechanisms that enforce heterosexual behaviour and exclude other possibilities", then what i mean by "heterosexual" is plainly not the same as what rich means—and for this reason i would seldom formulate the statement this way, without clarifying that i am talking about the enforcement of heterosexuality as a part of the creation and defence of sex/gender categories themselves. so rich and i do not actually agree on the very fundamental premises of this paper! rich was not the first or only person to point out that economic mechanisms as well as resultant social norms enforce heterosexual pairings; i actually don't even think the essay does a very clear job of interrogating the relationship between labour, economy, and the creation of sex/gender; she means something different and essentialist to what i mean by sex and sexuality; and i think her proposed responses to the phenomenon she identifies as 'compulsory heterosexuality' are uninteresting because they mainly propose psychological answers to a problem arising from conditions of political economy. so, in regards to this specific paper, i am actually totally comfortable just saying that it's not a useful formulation, and i don't feel a need to rescue elements of it.

in general, i do know what you're talking about, and i think there's a false dichotomy here: as though we must either discard an idea entirely if it has elements we dislike, or we accept it on the condition that we can plausibly claim these elements and their author are irrelevant. these are not comprehensive options. instead, i would posit that every theory, hypothesis, or idea is laden with context, including values held and assumptions made by their progenitors. the point is not to find a mythical 'objective' truth unburdened by human bias or mistakes; this is impossible. instead, i think we need to take seriously the elements of an idea that we object to. why are they there? what sorts of assumptions or arguments motivate them, and are those actually separable from whatever we like in the idea? if so, can we be clear about which aspects of the theory are still useful or applicable, and where it is that the objectionable elements arise? and if we can identify these points, then what might we propose instead? this is all much more useful, imo, than either waiting for a perfect morally unimpeachable theory or trying to 'accept' a theory without grappling with its origins (political, social, intellectual).

a recent example that you might find interesting as a kind of case study is j lorand matory's book the fetish revisited, which argues that the 'fetish' concept in freud's and marx's work drew from their respective understandings of afro-atlantic gods. in other words, when marx said capitalists "fetishise" commodities or freud spoke about sexual "fetishism", they were each claiming that viewing an object as agentive, meaning-laden in itself (ie, devoid of the context of human meaning-making as a social and political activity) was comparable to 'primitive' and delusory religious practices.

matory's point here isn't that we should reject marx's entire contribution to political economy because he was racist, nor is it that we can somehow accept parts of what marx said by just excising any racist bits. rather, matory asks us to grapple seriously with the role that marx's anthropologically inflected racism plays in his ideas, and what limitations it imposes on them. why is it that marx could identify the commodity as being discursively abstracted and 'fetishised', but did not apply this understanding to other ideas and objects in a consistent way? and how is his understanding of this process of 'fetishisation' shaped by his beliefs about afro-atlantic peoples, and their 'intelligence' or civilisational achievements in comparison to northwestern europeans'? by this critique matory is able to nuance the fetish concept, and to argue that marx's formulation of it was both reductive and inconsistently applied (analogously to how freud viewed only some sexuality as 'fetishistic'). it is true in some sense that capital and the commodity are reified and abstracted in a manner comparable to the creation of a metaphysical entity, but what we get from matory is both a better, more nuanced understanding of this process of meaning-making (incl. a challenge to the racist idea of afro-atlantic gods as simply a result of inferior intelligence or cultural development), and the critical point that if this is fetishism, then we must understand a lot more human discourse and activity as hinging on fetishisation.

the answer of what we do with the shitty or poorly formulated parts of a theory won't always be the same, obviously; this is a dialogue we probably need to have (and then have again) every time we evaluate an idea or theory. but i hope this gives you some jumping-off points to consider, and an idea of what it might look like to grapple with ideas as things inherently shaped by people—and our biases and assumptions and failings—without assuming that means we can or should just discard them any time those failings show through. the point is not to waste time trying to find something objective, but to understand the subjective in its context and with its strengths and limitations, and then to decide from there what use we can or should make of it.

#marx #adrienne rich

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guidaozongshi · 5 months ago

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Why Sasuke-Naruto and not Sasuke-Sakura?

A great deal has been written about the latter's relationship—or the lack thereof—being atrocious due to its glaringly one-sided nature. However, in this post, I tell why I was personally drawn to the former when I first read Naruto and why the latter felt so out of sync with my perspective.

I discovered Naruto—and by extension, sasunaru—during my formative years in late adolescence, and it left a lasting impression on me. Before Naruto, my exposure to anime was quite limited, restricted to shows that aired on TV in my country, such as Pokémon, Dragon Ball, and Beyblade. However, when I gained access to the internet, albeit with limited capacity but unrestricted freedom, I began exploring more anime. I started with Fullmetal Alchemist, as it was highly recommended and relatively short, and then moved on to Shoujo like Kaichou wa Maid-sama, Fruits Basket and Kamisama Kiss. Despite this, I had never properly delved into a long-running shounen series. Naruto, being ubiquitous, naturally caught my attention.

Even before I started reading it I had come across jokes on Facebook anime meme pages about Naruto and Sasuke being gay, but I didn’t take them seriously. When I finally began reading Naruto (it was still ongoing at the time, nearing its final volumes), I was immediately drawn to the character dynamics and the emotionally driven story. What stood out to my romance-induced mind was how Sasuke seemed to fit the role of Naruto’s love interest from the very beginning. Despite Naruto's behaviour towards him, Sasuke defended him from Sakura, risked his own career to feed him when he was hungry. It seemed as if he held affection for him even before they officially became a team (little did I know that Kishimoto would later confirm this) . Unconsciously, I began shipping them, even though I had no prior understanding of shipping or exposure to media featuring same-sex couples.

And then came the Land of Waves arc—the rest, as they say, is history.

On the other hand, even though I was accustomed to heterosexual romances, Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship felt completely out of left field idea to me. This wasn’t just because of how one-sided it was, but also because Sasuke never went out of his way for Sakura in the same way he consistently did for Naruto.

A few months ago, I stumbled upon this on Reddit, and boy, did it almost hit the nail on the head on what I felt when I first started reading Naruto.

Although they incorrectly attribute Naruto and Sasuke's intense relationship to typical Shounen writing , nothing could be further from the truth.

I have heard people say that Sasuke-Sakura are a Shoujo couple stuck in a Shounen. I have to laugh.

I will reiterate what I said in this post

Sasu/Saku's popularity stems from the fact that the dynamic between Sasuke and Sakura at first resembles the typical setup of many shoujo romances from that era. They could have been that shoujo couple, but Kishimoto chose to subvert the tropes usually associated with such relationships.

An average girl, lacking any special talents and often clueless, relentlessly and one-sidedly pursues the school heartthrob. He has an icy demeanor and consistently rejects and insults her. However, due to her persistence and the time they spend together, he gradually begins to show affection for her and eventually loves her.

This would be the plot for many Shoujo mangas. Most famously, Itazura na Kiss, released in 1990, is a quintessential example of this, it has inspired many others and has had countless adaptations.

To quote one of the series' reviewer:

" This anime is about Kotoko, a ditzy, klutzy, dimwitted, high school girl, and her one-sided pursuit of her school's super-perfect heart throb, Irie. The central conflict revolves around Kotoko's struggle to get Irie's attention and to get past his incredibly cold personality. You see, Irie, in addition to being good at everything he does, is a complete douchebag and sees Kotoko as nothing more than an annoying flea. "

Sounds familiar?

However, in the case of classic Shoujo , the guy begins to start reciprocating her feelings. Her persistence is rewarded.

This is why many Sasu/Saku stans are unfazed by Sasuke's callous (justified) behaviour and Sakura's shallow feelings. Because they think Kishimoto is following the tropes straightforwardly.

Sasuke is not that male lead. Unlike characters who may be affected by the continuous efforts of the girl, Sasuke is deeply focused on his own life and personal challenges. He has little room to entertain Sakura's infatuation. As a result, he finds Sakura's persistent feelings and declarations completely unremarkable, as they do not resonate with him in the slightest. Sakura's sheltered upbringing and worldview fail to intrigue him, as he is seeking something much deeper and more meaningful than what she represents.

What ties all this together is that the manga explicitly states that Sakura can never hold the same importance to Sasuke as Naruto does.

" I can't get close to you " " Or exchange blows with you"

It’s quite clear who she is referencing: the person who can and does. Something Sasuke confirms verbally anyways.

Anyways, the romantic tropes lie between Sasuke and Naruto, not Sasuke and Sakura.

#sasunaru #narusasu #sns #anti sasusaku #naruto #my post

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sleepydaemon · 9 months ago

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The complexity of mentor/sidekick relationships adds so much depth to the Young Justice characters.

Robin’s mentor is Batman, but he’s also his adoptive father, and he seems to be a decent parent (compared to other versions). But Dick has this need to prove himself both to Batman and Bruce, so he gets crazy intense about being the team leader, which then spirals into self hatred (“Just Aqualad??”).

Aqualad has a kind but firm mentor in Aquaman, but that’s also his king, so it’s almost impossible to be truly emotionally vulnerable with him. And then as the leader, he has to ba a sort-of mentor to his teammates. So he’s left with no one to really emotionally lean on when confronted with Tula.

M’gann has her uncle J’onn who she clearly has a close relationship with, even though he has no idea the scope of her powers. But, he’s also her only ticket to Earth and she’s been lying to him about her status as white martian, because she feels like he won’t accept her for who she really is.

Superboy was literally programmed to be as close to Superman as possible, making him a perfect mentor. But Superman fully rejects him, leaving him without purpose, and being forced to see everyone else’s (perfect) mentor relationships. Superboy eventually reaches out to Black Canary though, seeking out a mentor who will actually engage with him.

Kid Flash clearly has a close relationship with Flash, who’s his uncle and mentor. They have a lot of fun joking around, but Flash really doesn’t seem to acknowledge a lot of KF’s ideas and they don’t have them at much screen time together. KF also had Kent Nelson as a role model, though, which seemed to have a much larger impact before they were separated.

Artemis really doesn’t have a mentor. Her dad taught her most of her skills, but almost none of her morals. She used to really look up to Jade, but gave that up when she got left behind. Green Arrow is supposedly her justice league mentor, but he’s barely gotten over Speedy, so for a while they have very little relationship. I think this makes her feel even more out of place on the team.

And everyone is just forced again and again into the realization that they have to make their own decisions and be their own people now. Everything can’t depend on their mentors if they want to be anything more than sidekicks.

#young justice #artemis crock #artemis #wally west #kid flash #dick grayson #robin #m’gann m’orzz #miss martian #connor kent #superboy #kaldur'ahm #aqualad

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loriache · 1 year ago

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honestly i'm kind of interested in the idea of laios in an arranged marriage. because obviously straight-up inherited monarchies are ...bad, to say the least! but it's what the characters are familiar with (even laios' father's extremely local, extremely minor leadership role is inherited, presumably through the male line). and it isn't just about what they think the best way to run melini is; in terms of ensuring that the other longed-lived nations respect melini's continued sovereignty, having it passed down in a manner that's close enough to their own ways for them to understand it and respect it is important. And it seems like most of the other nations have leadership through inheritance - thought that isn't confirmed for certain except with the elves.

Also, a marriage carries the potential to establish foreign allies - something melini is certainly lacking. A marriage could come with resources they'll badly need, treaties of mutual defence, money, legitimacy and political capital... not that these things can't be worked around, but if laios isn't strongly opposed, there are a lot of advantages! and i don't think he would be, because that's the framework for marriage (conferring practical advantages, building intracommunity relationships and providing a partner to do important work that he can't do) that he had grown up with. he isn't exactly a romantic and I doubt he's holding out for any sort of relationship of that nature.

Like, I don't think it's impossible that they would go with this path, because it's the most obvious and it carries a lot of advantages and it's what almost all the decision-making characters would consider normal and not objectionable. and it could be so interesting.

I think Laios would have major hangups if expected (i.e., by Marcille) to establish a genuine, romantic interest in a woman. Whether because of his sexual or romantic orientation, or just his own deep-seated trauma about rejection and being inherently disgusting and scary. And I think he'd hate the idea of having kids, too, and be very frightened of being like his father. But I don't think he'd refuse on that basis; he could cope with a marriage contract, with clearly laid-out expectations and responsibilities. And when it came to having a kid, I think he'd be reluctant to express that he doesn't want to do it, because he isn't naive and he understood when he agreed to be king it would carry responsibilities like this. It's clear from his nightmare that he already felt pressure from his parents to have children, probably magnified by the fact his father has got a position, responsibilities and wealth to pass on. Obviously he isn't a perfect martyr, so he might struggle when it comes to actually going through with it - but I don't think he'd actually, outright refuse. I think he might do it even though he doesn't want to, and I think that could be really messy in a way that appeals to me.

I don't know, there's something about negotiating these kinds of complicated situations that's interesting to me. and i love a platonic marriage. If they find a woman who has an interest in education, for example, and can work with marcille on setting up schools and universities. she'd ideally be politically savvy enough to be an able partner to laios: even though kabru can and would continue to do a lot of that, there are different spheres that a queen and a prime minister can work within!

how would their relationship work? maybe she finds laios' perspective on the world, and his frankness, unexpectedly liberating after an extremely controlled, cloistered upbringing. maybe she had a rebellious phase, has magic, or something else which makes her a relatively unpopular candidate for marriage - even as melini grows in power, i doubt that they'd be getting offers for the cream of the crop in terms of perceived value on the marriage market, because laios' relationship is a bit too ambivalent/monstrous for that, and melini too new. maybe she's a widow! an older woman, wouldn't that be cool - though they'd want her young enough that she could definitely still have kids.

certainly i think he'd be happy for her to pursue other relationships, though ideally in a manner that couldn't produce illegitimate kids. with other relationships in play, that's even more interesting. like, both kabru and toshiro have complicated emotions relating to infidelity. i think kabru would actually find it quite cathartic to be in the kind of high-status environment that rejected his mother for perceived infidelity, pursuing an affair that all parties consent to, though he'd likely be incredibly aware of the public image - since "image" is what he was rejected for. toshiro... i just really really love the way he'd feel about being the "other woman" in laios' marriage, considering his feelings about his father and maizuru. especially given how much closer he is to maizuru than his mother, being in her position...! his emotions would be so complex, it's incredibly tasty. i bet he'd make a bunch of assumptions about how laios' wife feels about it and be totally wrong, and that's so interesting. also, i think laios' wife should fuck marcille (she and falin have an open relationship).

#og post #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dunmeshi #laios touden #inheritance! in the cultural framework these characters are working with #it really matters #this is why in my unwritten postcanon story i have the touden parents have another kid. can you imagine laios' feelings on that! god.#negotiating some kind of freedom within the restrictions responsibilities and expectations of this position #is part of what is so interesting to me abt postcanon dm #and it's extra interesting to me if there are a lot of restrictions and responsibilities laios can't or won't escape and has to work around #and marriage and kids are a big one there... exactly BECAUSE laios is so viscerally uncomf with the expectations of heterosexual masculinit #so easy to read as transfem nonbinary gay etc #i want to see him treating a marriage contract like he does the problem of the demon. if that makes any sense.#putting that brilliant autistic brain to work to see a way to do this that isn't like your father did

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astrolocherry · 4 months ago

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Potential Mother/Daughter, Mother/Child Dynamics - Moon in the 12th house

The 12th house Moon can reflect an "infantile mother" who embodies the absence of an integrated mother archetype. The 12th house dissolves boundaries, and in this case, it dissolves the structured presence of a mother into something elusive—she is there, but not there. She may be lost in her own world, spiritually preoccupied, emotionally evasive, or consumed by the needs of others.

The 12th House Moon can conjure the image of a mother who rescues, saves, and recovers others while her own child remains in emotional limbo. It creates this haunting contradiction—the child, growing up in the presence of someone who seems to have healing abilities, wonders why they still feel abandoned, unseen, or unhealed. There’s no jealousy, just a deep existential confusion: If she is a savior, why wasn’t I saved?

The 12th house Moon often suggests that the mother is struggling with her own unfinished emotional business—whether karmic, psychological, or simply beyond language.

This isn't just a mother who is emotionally elusive, but one whose entire life can be out of order, chaotic, lacking boundaries, and consuming in a way that makes the child feel swallowed up rather than nurtured.

A mother like this could be so preoccupied with her own emotional states, spiritual fixations, or constant need for external validation that her child becomes an extension of her instability rather than a distinct individual. She might collect stray animals, broken people, lost causes—anything to fill the void within her—yet her own home, her own child, remains neglected in some fundamental way.

The lack of boundaries is key. This could manifest in the mother oversharing her problems, confiding in the child as if they are a therapist or emotional caretaker. She may become excessively dependent on the child, flipping traditional roles so that the child feels responsible for her well-being. The house itself might feel like a physical representation of her psyche—disordered, overflowing, drowning in excess, yet devoid of real security.

For the child, this creates a paradox: they may feel unseen in their own suffering but hyper-visible as an extension of their mother’s dysfunction. The world outside might view the mother as eccentric, spiritual, generous, or “just a free spirit,” but inside, the child experiences something entirely different—a mother who is present but not maternal, a figure who demands more from them than she provides.

This kind of mother-child relationship can lead to feelings of emotional entrapment. The child grows up feeling guilty for wanting independence, guilty for not being able to “fix” their mother, and deeply confused about their own emotional needs. In adulthood, they may struggle with personal boundaries, feeling simultaneously drawn to chaos and repelled by it. They might also develop a complex relationship with caretaking—either compulsively rescuing others like their mother did, or rejecting emotional dependency altogether.

The imagery of a house filled with too many animals, clutter, unfinished projects, and unchecked impulses is perfect for this type of 12th house Moon mother. It’s the embodiment of an unconscious world spilling into the physical, with no separation between inner and outer chaos.

Cherry

#12th house moon #moon in the 12th house #mother archetype #astrology

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imkazz · 6 months ago

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saiki k season 2 lore is insane

cant believe some of my moots said there was barely any lore or character development until the last 2 episodes because what the fuck is thissss (huge spoilers)

making this more organised than my last post about season 1 and the finale

teruhashi at first i really really hated her- of course, i loved and adored her as a character but as a person? no. she is a play on the anime trope of 'perfect mary sue girl' and its so fuckin weird becuase its both exactly that and exactly the opposite. she is perfect and looks beautiful and nobody can compare and basically everyone is falling in love with her or completely and utterly jealous of her- exactly like one of those stereotypical girls in those kinds of animes. but then at the same time shes not. teruhashi is intelligent, cunning, calculating, and puts up a delicate facade practically 24/7. she knows her abilities and utilises them to her absolute fullest, and i completely respect her for that. teruhashi recognises that she is 'gods favourite' and she is not shy in the slightest to manipulate that to ensure she gets the advantage. however, this knowledge of everyone else completely obliterates her own self-perception: she believes that she herself is the very role she is acting. teruhashi is determined that she is absolutely kind and perfect and is in no way wrong with anything she does. and with her lack of experience involving rejection and plainness, she completely overlooks saiki and is utterly confused with him as a whole. and at first, teruhashis obsession with saiki is about getting him to just become another guy- get him to say 'offu' to her. she bugs him, follows him, comes up with ploys, manipulates the world around her to try and get it to happen, uses all of her skills to her advantage, only for nothing. i didnt like her as a high school student to another because she painfully reminds me of a lot of girls i was friends with.

but then as the series goes on...... teruhashi changes. i think it was a gradual thing (such as teruhashi becoming friends with yumehara, even- i dont think she actually had female friends up until yumehara because of the amount of guys around her +the fact that all other girls near her would get overshadowed), but it really showed up for me in episode 17 of season 2. where teruhashi got jealous of aiura (fuuck i gotta talk about this diva). yeahhh it was not pretty. teruhashi began changing herself so that saiki could notice her (and i notice that before, teruhashi had only tried to use her own personal skills to get him to say 'oh wow' so this is the first time shes tried changing herself) and i found saikis attempts to dissuade her interesting too. typically, with all of his attempts, saiki would go into her mind and use his powers to try and turn her off, but this time, he actually told aiura to do it.

i think it was also very interesting that aiura was also changing around her appearance, as it really helped set things in for teruhashi. as they both changed what they were like (teruhashi for a boy (saiki), aiura for a girl (teruhashi)) so teruhashi was only getting more and more confused with that bit. 'if im getting more gyaru and aiura more kawaii then why isnt he reacting to either of us?'. and then saiki gets aiura to talk to teruhashi, and i also found what aiura said to teruhashi interesting. it was all that stuff about saiki and what kind of girl he liked. and i really think that she was telling the truth. i really feel that aiura was just saying things about saiki about a whole for all his relationships, romantic or platonic. he likes people who stay true to themselves. kaido is unafraid to feed his delusions/imagination (whichever you please), toritsuka is always honest with saiki (even if nobody wants to hear that pervy stuff), aiura is unafraid to be boisterous and stylish (even if she is a little bit freaky), kuboyasu is genuinely trying to become a better person (even if it sometimes doesnt work), akechi is determined and didnt let saiki sway him (despite all the obstacles that saiki put in his way), nendo is undoubtedly stupid but he is still kind (saiki watched him jump in front of a truck to save a kid thousands of times), on and on and on.

not only that, it is painfully clear to us the viewers that changing appearances doesnt matter in the slightest to saiki- he only sees it for like 3 seconds (i think he said) before it becomes muscle. curling hair or applying makeup or having more meat on the titties doesnt matter to him at all. what matters is what happens in their head, because while he doesnt get an extensive idea about their outside, he gets overly surrounded by everything on the inside. and thats probably why aiura saw that and said that to teruhashi (even if she cant explain the full reason). so teruhashi returns to normal and says that she will make saiki gasp with her own abilities.

but the strange thing is that shes already given that speech before. i cant say exact episodes from the top of my head but she has totally already said that she would use her charms and looks and sweetness to make him say 'offu' and he has always tried to dissuade her using his powers. but it was this one that made him gasp. and like. i was not expecting it in the slightest ok. but i think it makes sense- she has discovered that she can be confident in herself as a person rather than just her natural looks and is determined nonetheless. i think that saiki recognised around this area that she genuinely liked him as he was, even if she had thought he was 'gloomy and hard to read' (i believe she thought that when with his perv grandpa?) she still wanted to be around him and still had that crush. i love how when teruhashi is talking with other girls (kuriko too, but in this specific case im thinking about is rifuta) about her crush on saiki kusuo, that she would mention that at first, it was pure spite and disbelief that anyone could ignore her like that. and then, teruhashi wouldnt fail to continue and say that she grew to have a genuine crush on saiki that wasnt built upon annoyance at the fact he walked past her. and he discovers that he doesnt particularly mind being the object of her affection (unless her fanbase gets in the way oof) so i think that the offu from was a sort of embarrassed yet begruging acceptance towards this parasite of a girl who has attached herself to him lol

aiura shes sososo cool. i love the freshness(?) of her personality for the rest of the cast. finally a female psychic and i am in love with herr. at first i was a bit skeptical with the whole 'finding my soulmate' thing and i was cackling when saiki was just like 'ah yes she is legit but i am Just Better'. and then she continued to show up more and i love her. shes so quirky and very different from the other girls, who we see as much more feminine and in tune with romance anime tropes than anything, and then she comes in with the gyaru style and i love that so much. not only that, her slang and way of speech compared to the other girls (teruhashi, yumehara, mera) is also very interesting.

not only that, i really loved seeing the anime through her eyes and the auras of other characters including the shock-comedy of saikis. then, as she finds out about his powers and all i really loved how they worked together. i know a lot of other characters also saw that, seeing through teruhashi who commented that they were like the 'opposites attract' trope with 'boring' and 'flamboyant'. but then i also really liked how they worked even without any of the other characters opinions. aiura is still not giving up about the whole soulmates thing and saiki just lets it happen. because his ulterior motives is that she would ward off teruhashi so he begrudgingly accepts her to be near him as she pesters him to date/bang.

and then adding toritsuka into the paragraph, the pk psychic kids are golden. i love love love their dynamics. saiki has more respect for aiura only because he holds none for toritsuka. toritsuka sees saiki as superior and saw aiura as a pair of boobs in the beginning. aiura wants to be with saiki and just hates toritsuka because he tries to flirt. and for every mission they try to do together it always ends up in comedy. when saiki turned kaido and nendo to stone? holy fucking shit that really summed up what they were like. the psychic kids really are a weird band of teenagers with powers and it really showed their personalities in that meeting because. aiura stripping in saikis bed and toritsuka peeking through the door and saiki only sees a pile of muscles on his bed and a perv watching through his door. like cmon

i also want to dig deeper into her powers. she is completely ok with people knowing about her powers (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she uses them to help people out (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). she uses her powers to her own benefit (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she doesnt want to burden people with her powers (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). i find them soso interesting too because she questions why saiki doesnt use his powers more openly esp because he just has so many at his disposal. and then he sort of shows her why its a bad idea to so openly help people out by the result of mera and her father and i feel like she toned it down a bit after that too (at least publicly).

childhood lore this was insane. the buildup and everything and how it was presented. it first started with akechi being introduced as a new student and it was already unsettling to see saiki be actually a bit nervous about this guy. and then even more of a shock to see this guy blatantly ask saiki if he was a psychic because what- how the hell would this guy suspect, much less know?! and we learn that they were classmates in elementary school and we see a barely-there flashback to saiki standing in a classroom with childrens bodies scattered around him. so the suspense has started. and then we continue to get pestered by akechi but we know what he wants, but not why and thats the whole deal of it. he is the embodiment of those anime characters who are scarily good at deducing things and has a perfect memory too which makes it all the scarier because we know hes not an idiot unlike the rest of saikis friends.

and then to actually know what happens while saiki is going back in time to change it? masterpiece. we learn more about why akechi is pursuing this answer along with what actually happened to make that happen, along with why saiki cant change it without some sort of grave consequence. and the new knowledge that saiki as a kid without limiters is stronger than teenage saiki with limiters is even scarier because of course saiki wouldnt be able to stop himself.. truly an op main character. i also found it interesting how saiki k (the anime) manages to reuse powers over and over too and in such creative ways and in strange comebacks. he went back in time for his parents, he rewound the earth to one year prior because of the volcano, relived the same moment of nendo dying like thousands of times.. they really only ever hinder him.

and then to know what happens? i thought akechi was a creep for following/knowing everything about saiki but.. knowing everything that he knew at the moment? makes sense. definitely creepy, but much better understood. i feel like it was a good decision from saiki to tell him about his powers. if this isnt the first time theyve been like this, then it really does make sense. they were kids. they still are kids. and omfg saiki saying "i decided not to tell anyone about my abilities after that" because all it did was get akechi into more trouble from bullies. but they are now teenagers and have better cognitive understanding than when they were elementary kids so i feel it was justified for saiki to tell akechi because, after all of that trying with time travel, saiki couldnt stop the series of events unless he was making the world suffer. and akechi deserved at least a bit of closure about what actually happened and why saiki left.

and i feel like this series of events is also what makes saiki who he is in the beginning of the anime. he doesnt want friends at all because if they found out about his power they would be curious and want to know more and blab about it to others. and saiki knows the result from having lived it. because if he gets attached, people he loves get hurt. trying to make friends only causes suffering as akechi got bullied for claiming all those things and saiki hurt other kids using his powers because his emotions got out of control (rightfully!! he was like 8 and his best friend was getting bullied!!! of course he wouldnt be able to control any outbursts).

shipwrekced shipwrecked. i cant forget about this one but i was saving this. i realise i didnt write any notes for this one because i was wayy too focused on the actual happenings to comment. because what the fuck.

yeah that about sums up what i thought at first.

the tropes. holy shit. they added so so many tropes into this one it was. the teenagers on a ship get shipwrecked on an island. all they have are the clothes theyre wearing and miraculously the pantry which washed ashore along with some supplies to build a raft. like all the typical anime things. and even when they suggest to build a raft, saiki agrees with them because its a good cover up. and i really loved the stereotypes that were put upon them: the loner (saiko), the cannibal (mera), pretty woman (teruhashi), leader (kuboyasu), idiot with good ideas (nendo), then saiki and kaido as the ‘followers’ or ‘helpers’.

then i found how saiki got them out genius, despite the fact he was panicking in the beginning about how to fix it. like of course he should be panicking because you cant see any rational way to get out of the situation without telling the rest of them about his powers. and so he tries to keep them alive for a little bit (going home and sleeping, buying food :sob holy shit bruhh), and then when he finally finds a way out (the raft) they play it off as stupid despite being such a stereotype of any shipwrecked movies. and even teruhashi realised that something was off, right? how his clothes were perfectly clean and all, but when he ‘went to work’ (i totally thought he was off to kill something with the saw helpp), he came back dirty. and of course! only saiki would make a whole new island near japan as a way of keeping his powers secret..

i honestly have no idea how to feel about this because.. how did they move on so quickly?! your students/classmates got trapped on an island for a couple of days. shouldnt this be a bigger deal- shouldnt saiki be known as ‘the kid who got trapped on an island’? like bro…. anime logic (if anyone else could. tell me what the hell was up with the shipwrecked episodes other than being satire towards other shipwrecked medias and being a bit of a comedy along with character development towards some characters like saiko)

friends+classmates so like. kuboyasu is a previous gangster and trying to become better/normal (anime trope). and kaido has middle schooler syndrome and thinks hes so cool (/affectionate). they are the two people you would least expect to become besties right. and yet they fit together so well. kuboyasu wants to become normal while kaido wants anything but. kuboyasu is actually strong and able to protect people while kaido can only dream. and it really shows during that mugging episode where kaido knows about kuboyasus past and yet still tells him to run. kaido is so weak and delusional that he probably gives kuboyasu a reason to remain calm and to 'protect his innocence' while kaido wants to be jet black wings and protect everyone no matter their pasts or abilities despite constantly failing and getting into danger and needing that saving himself. and even after that, they continue to hang out with or without others (such as building that fort or taking motorbike classes together??? or even may i mention when kaido trapped himself inside the coffin and kuboyasu was trying to coax him out). so then imagine my shock and delight when they started calling each other shun and aren like OMFGG?? calling people by their first names in japanese culture is a sign of being close with each other (such as chiyo and kokomi). theyre always in close proximity to each other and i adore themm

okok then saiki. and his friendssss. these episodes as a whole just show how much hes grown to care for themm. he follows yumehara and her boyfriend-sworn friend(?) to ensure that neither gets hurt from their misunderstanding. he warms up the classroom for all his classmates because he caress. he foils the plans of the news team to make teruhashi look bad. he stops hairo from getting killed during a robbery. he makes kaidos prank actually happen. he tries to throw akechi off in order to protect both of them from his power. he fucking saved yumehara from falling to her death. he gets beaten up by some fourth graders to help out yuuta. he gets everyone to return their gifts to mera on her birthday. he uses hypnosis to get his class to look better while they perform that play. he catches teruhashi before she falls and carries her to the nurse. he probably wouldnt have done half those things in the first part of season 1. so many of those require him to genuinely care for the people hes helping and not only that, some of those things draw attention to him and he would only let that happen if he truly cares for who he is aiding.

then to add to more about relationships between characters that arent saiki. kuboyasu and saiko. it definitly started as a hate-hate relationship. but then we see saiko crying in the bathroom because mean things were written on his desk and then we also see kuboyasu had tried to clean it off before saiko got there. my heartttt. not only that, but saiko who didnt care about peasants who went out of his way to redo his mansion to fit their tastes? and at first it was for his own ego (so similar to teruhashi omfgg) but then just like her, saiko began to actually care and didnt even understand it himself about why he was so focused on getting them to like him. and ofc he is an ass. he rolls down the window only to close it and drive away because its cold. he withdraws funding from the play just because the class was going behind his back. but its barely his fault. everything is handed to him on a silver platter and he doesnt know better. while kuboyasu had to work for everything. before he was working as a gang leader but now he is working towards being better. and aughh

world lore first off i need to say that the foreshadowing for this was INSANE. do you hear me. i am shaking you by the shoulders while i say that i am still utterly speechless by the implications and impact of episode.

the fucking volcano. holy shit. holy shit. there is so much i have to talk about considering the anime +worldbuilding +foreshadowing +buildup. this is a comedy anime. this is an anime that makes fun of anime tropes constantly. girl running to school with bread in her mouth. background characters. siblings who are a lil too freaky with their siblings. mary sue anime girls. the idiot friends. and then this???? the fact that saiki has been in a time loop for the same year for four years straight is. its literally mentioned by saiki himself when he says 'you might notice something off about this anime' and its poking fun at the fact that high school animes always loop around in order to continue publishing (like how its meant to represent just one year for the main character but theyve had seven winter episodes/chapters and three birthdays for a character). its poking fun at that bit and it uses saiki himself to do it.

the worldbuilding and foreshadowing come hand in hand. in the episode where kuboyasu was first introduced, toritsuka began talking to him about being a transfer student. when kuboyasu asked when toritsuka had entered he said 'second term of second year' so the same as kuboyasu. and we brushed it off as toritsuka being a dumbass. because of course we would, of course kuboyasu would too. but fuckk. we have four transfer students in one year all in second term?? we thought it was just a fucking anime trope thing again. but no. it was all purposeful. and then to add to that, we already knew that saiki had time travel powers. he could control time, we know from his restoration along with (later on from this episode) how he travels back through time for his parents. it was all deliberately set up in that way and so just holy shit.

and now i have to actually talk about that segment itself. the earthquake in the beginning was seemingly comedy and then we see saiki training. cool but not too big of a deal. and then he starts telling us about what the fuck is up just as he tries to stop the volcano. like excuse me?? i found it so very interesting that he continues rewinding time in order to build up his powers daily yet keep the volcano from exploding and intertwining both the time powers and mind control in order to achieve it. and hes gone through second year of high school four times, yet his parents know. it was crazy how nonchalant they were about it too, saying 'oh he can always do it again right' like he is saving the world. how much longer would he do it? how much would he be willing to do? i find saiki so very interesting because he could always just. let the volcano explode but it is in his core to be kind and to help the ones he loves (including the rest of japan). he tries and he knows his limits and yet he is still ready to try again with a new set of abilities.

final thoughts before reawakened too hyperfixated. OOF. anyways im so sad the anime is almost over (for me loll). its sucked me into its grasp because it has everything im looking for. as a high schooler i love all the shenanigans but then as an anime lover i enjoy the satire tropes and as a theatre kid i love the gags and commentary and as a person who looks wayy too deeply into things i love the implications and dark undertones of the series.

#the disastrous life of saiki k #tdlosk #saiki kusuo #saiki no psi nan #saiki k #kusuo saiki #saiki #saiki kusou no psi nan #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #psychic kusuo #saiki k season 2 #rant post #anime recommendation #saiki spoilers #im genuinely so sorry for anyone who decides to press the 'read more' feature because gah damn #this is more than i write for essays at school (because they wont allow me to write more)#how do i have this much about an anime but not for a school project i need to dooo #anyways might have a tiny obsession #sorry im always so disappointed that i cant revisit my thoughts from my first watch so #i have to dump everything before i continue onwards towards new seasons #this is a lot more than what i had for season 1 so. yeah #someone tell me what the fuck was up with the shipwrecked episodes pleaseee

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