#and he's trying to play NICE so he DID

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)

[starflungwaddledee]

⭐🎀🏆🎉 a wa wa winner! 🎉🏆🎀⭐

i'm running late on getting this out, but i'm still reeling over the results of the @kirbyoctournament! i can't quite believe that starstruck- my pint sized waddle dee- made it all the way to the tippy-top against such intense competition. the roster was full of such an incredible selection of wonderful, loveable, and creative characters!

it's heart-warming to know that people out there really love my little wanya and her story, and i'll carry that with me always! 🥰💖

i am so grateful to everybody who voted for and supported starstruck (and i!) throughout the tournament, and i'd also like to give my thanks to everybody- moderators, participants, spectators- who made this community event as cool and fun as it was!! i met many new people and learned about so many wonderful new characters!

this piece in particular is dedicated to and features all of starstruck's competitors in the tourney, starting with jakkle doo from round one, right up to valfrey in the final round. it was a fantastic honour to compete against all of your OCs, and i look forward to hopefully seeing them around plenty more in the future!!

thank you again!!

characters are listed from bottom to top; round 1 vs jakkle doo by @ninjakirkki, round 2 vs galacchio by @tatonslice, round 3 vs atlas by @unleashedsonic, round 4 vs mama d by @chibifox2002, round 5 vs parhelion knight by @aseuki, round 6 vs techie by @ivynajspyder, and the round 7 final vs valfrey by @gethoce

[dykedvonte]

I was rewatching mouthwashing, and I ended up thinking of the different reactions that Curly and Jimmy had in doing their tasks. How during the scene of Anya evaluating Jimmy and showing dread towards the idea of doing his evaluation, Curly was the one that offered to take it off her hands. He had no issue with adding more to his plate, because he knew - or well, thought, he knew that Jimmy wasn't going to "bullshit" with him since he's known him for a long time. When Anya hands Curly a note from Swansea, Curly goes to check out what the issue is and he takes care of it without a complaint, the only "complaint" he has is how this incident could have damaged the pods. Which is reasonable, those pods are their only way to be saved if anything tragic happens on the ship. However, in comparison to Jimmy being asked to do things, he's passive-aggressive about it. When Anya asks Jimmy if he could help her out with Curly's painkillers, he tells her that people should be worth their titles, specifically using her title as a nurse when she asked him for help and then when she says forget it, since he made her feel insecure, he still goes "Oh no, I'LL take care of it" as if he was doing a chore, a favor for her. Then, there's that part where he blows up at her for things that she didn't even ask him to do - more so the others asked him about it, like the code scanner, him deciding he needed to find the axe for the foam, and then, there's the medicine part (which when she does ask, and she reconsiders - going to do it herself, he takes that away from her). Jimmy complains about the tasks he has to do and he treats it like a big issue, a "woes me" that he has to do this and that - wanting the praise of the capital without actually doing any work. While Curly doesn't complain about it, in fact, he even mentions that he's aware of how well he is doing at his job as a Captain during that cockpit scene with him and Jimmy. If Jimmy only had to do a small amount of tasks to get irritated and annoyed at being captain, while Curly didn't which I feel like encapsulates their personalities. Curly understands what he's doing is a job, it's a responsibility, why would he complain at any point for doing what he's suppose too? Why would he be upset at people asking him to do tasks? While Jimmy on the other hand, isn't used to it at all and it's different to what he's had before and he's realizing that he doesn't actually like doing the work he has too. I just wanted to ramble about it even if it seemed kind of obvious xd

It’s obvious but it is a thing people miss or understate when trying to find parallels in Curly’s and Jimmy’s relationship/personalities.

Like the way people portray it as neither taking responsibility when it is almost split down the middle of Curly taking responsibilities and faults that shouldn’t be his and making himself unequipped to handle the ones that are while Jimmy refuses to handle the responsibilities he has because he wasn’t expecting the work that comes with them.

Not a lot to say but people forget that another thing the game comments on is prioritization of issues and responsibilities and how the guys fail at it in one way or another in the situation.

[starry-bi-sky]

Stillborn? No, still born au -- Dani Phantom! Clone girl herself. :]

She can't exist in this au. And it's not that I don't want to add her -- although I'll be blunt, I don't, I'll be the first to admit that I think she's more often than not nothing more than a narrative deadweight used to prop up Danny and I don't like adding characters as props -- but her existence quite literally goes against and muddies the Vlad and Danny dynamic I have for this au. Ellie's existence in canon itself states that she was created -- and Danny's other clones too -- because Vlad gave up on trying to convert him to his side and decided to just make a son instead.

Something that just, doesn't happen in the stillborn-still born au. See, for folks who are only just hearing about this au or didn't see my post about Vlad in this au, he and Danny have a complicated love-hate relationship where they mutually want to adopt each other, but their morals and way of doing things -- mainly Vlad's insistence on getting revenge against the Fentons -- gets in the way of them being able to do that in full.

Vlad knows Danny wants him to adopt him, and is only fighting him on it because he refuses to let Vlad kill the Fentons for essentially killing the both of them. He's succeed in 50% of his goal. Canon Vlad never even made it to 1%. With that in mind, stillborn Vlad has no reason and sees no reason to clone Danny, he has his son. He just needs to convince him to let him avenge them both.

Dani simply has no place in the stillborn-still born au. And in fact, if Vlad did decide to clone Danny -- for whatever reason, -- it would damage his relationship with Danny damn near beyond repair. That's because Danny would view it the same way he views Damian's existence; as a replacement for himself. He would become beyond furious and hurt, and not for the typical 'I can't believe you cloned me, you creep!' reason, but for a 'I can't believe you cloned me, you said I was your son!' reason.

I am not pulling any punches here when I say Danny wants Vlad to be his dad just as much as Vlad wants Danny to be his son, there's just a lot of factors getting in the way. They are, as the french say, ✨mentally unwell.✨ Danny has a ton of abandonment and trust issues due to his experiences in foster care. He would immediately become jealous, insecure, and incredibly furious and hurt. He'd despise her on principal and want nothing to do with her, or Vlad for that matter. He'd just fucking haaate her. It's not her fault she was made but Danny doesn't really care, he's lashing out and pushing people away because he's been betrayed yet again.

The only way they could get along or for Danny to actually like her in any capacity would be if it was his idea to clone himself. Which is like, kinda obvious but considering most clone plots tend to be non-consensual it's kinda gotta be said. He has to have a hand in creating her, that's the only way I can see him liking her in any way. Or if someone other than Vlad created her. If Vlad clones him though, all bets are off the table and he'll despise her.

TL;DR: Dani can't exist in this au because she goes against the narrative I've got for the two most fucked up half-dead could-be-father-son duo in existence, but if she did exist Danny would despise her.

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[sleepy-crypt1d]

the people have spoken!! (3 people) and now i shall be continuing my rambling about all the implications in COF that simon was a victim of CSA (and that his mom might be dead): an 8am caffeine induced word vomit post brought to you by a guy with over 80 hours in COF <3

under the cut because it's SUPER long.

Trigger Warnings for: talk of abuse, CSA, SA, obsessive behavior, suicide, death, and general COF fucked up-ness.

Not entirely sure on a place to start so I will begin with one of the more obvious places: the enemies.

Each enemy shows us something about Simon, either something overt that is shown to us through other aspects of the game, or things that dig deeper into his mind and point out stuff that we might not notice on a first glance.

For one, the Sewmo, an older male enemy that's bound in chains whose attack is licking the player. There are a handful of possible explanations for what the Sewmos could represent, but for this posts purpose it will be the obvious.

Simon having some sort of deep fear of an older man licking him in some way, a man who is bound in chains and is then released if hit. If defended against, breaks from his bonds and lashes him with a serpentine tongue. The visual of a balding, shirtless man licking Simon as a way of hurting him, of attacking him, is a visceral one that leaves very little in way of nuance to me.

These are an enemy that attacks you in groups and surrounds you in the dark, mainly being in the sewers and hiding in the shadows before stomping toward you. Whether this is a manifestation of someone he knows or simply the fear of older men, I'm not sure.

On top of this, there are also the Children. Enemies in the apartments that are mangled kids in trash bags, which could be read as how Simon sees himself. A child in a body bag that has broken from it's grave, or a way of showing how he feels about his own body, as something deserving of disgust. Something to be thrown away, a sense of revulsion that comes at the idea of one's own skin.

Now, for the most part, the Children enemies seem to be connected to the pedophile in the apartments, who we learn about through notes describing his fantasies surrounding the kids who live in the building. But this doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't have anything to do with Simon, due to the fact that I believe Simon and the apartment predator are connected in some way.

This is where we get very theory heavy- and I won't be surprised if not everyone follows but it's something I'd like to point out. A few things, actually.

For one, the predator in the apartments looks like Simon- if we are assuming the man who gets his head chopped off in the video tape we get from the basement is the predator, which here, I am- just older.

This is where I make the connection that this trauma could stem from his own father or someone he's related to but I know that that link is shaky at best and even I have my own doubts about it (especially since I'm pretty sure we see Simon's dad in game and the models don't look alike), but I figured it was still worth mentioning since the similarities between them are uncanny. The first time I played the game I thought that model was Simon, so the idea that it's the visual of someone related to him still sticks out in my mind as a possibility.

Even stepping away from the 'it was his dad' theory, Simon and the apartment predator are still connected, they still lived in the same building.

There's been a lot of debate on why these notes are in Simon's delusion, why he's seeing them outside of 'oh here's something scary we can put in'. Some people believe that maybe Simon knew about him being in the building, saw his victims or caught him in the act and didn't say anything, and this grew into a deep guilt for not doing so, and when presented with the idea that maybe Simon was a victim of the man in the apartments you usually get the argument that he would have 'aged-out' of his preference but I don't really agree, due to two things, one of which we have proof of and the other I am simply going to need you to believe me about.

The predator canonically lives in the same apartment as Simon after the accident. Simon moves there only after his accident, when he's lost the support of his family and friends and is forced out on his own, meaning he only lives there while in his wheelchair. And the man breaks the elevator in the game. He locks it in the basement, explaining in note #3 that the 'kiddies will just have to take the stairs' leaving Simon locked in his apartment on the third floor. Whether this was a real thing or not, it adds to this feeling of Simon feeling trapped with this man, stuck in place and unable to escape from a predator that haunts his building. There is a fear here, a genuine one, that implies him having been a victim. Either in the past, or now, at the hands of the man in the apartments. He is scared of his man, for one reason or another.

And for evidence of the previous point- he shows up outside Simon's apartment. We see him standing outside his door at one point in the game. At least, I think we do? This is gonna be a stretch and I could very well be wrong here but during my latest run through the game, in the section where you go back to the apartments to get the two fuses and finally go into Simon's roped off apartment- you see him. If you run up the stairs quick enough to the third floor where it's barred off he appears, for a split second, standing outside the apartment. Now, I could be wrong here! It might have been a different enemy that showed up, but I swear it was his model, with the black hair, white over shirt, and blue pants, standing there on the third floor right past the bars. It startled me so much that I paused the game and just sorta, sat there, because I wasn't sure if I actually saw him or not and I'm still not sure since I haven't been able to go back and check. But if I'm right then that's even more of a connection between these two, placing him right outside his door. Further showing us Simon's fear of being trapped, because during this part of the game, the elevator is gone and the entrance is the third floor is blocked off, leaving Simon no escape. He is trapped here, and the man is outside his door. (so small edit, I went back and replayed the game JUST to make sure and uh, yeah, he shows up. If we are to assume that the apartment predator is the model we see get his head cut off then yes, he shows up outside Simon's apartment for a split second during the game when you go back to get the fuses. If anyone wants like, proof of this I can try to get a recording but I PROMISE YOU he is there, adding more to the theory that Simon was assaulted by this man.)

I could also go into how Simon decorates his space as well, how barren his bedroom at his mom's house is, how cold and clinical it feels, as well as him straight up not having a bedroom in his apartment but that may just be a game limitation more than anything else?

Still, the added detail that the only space in Simon's apartment that has nothing in it is his bedroom is something interesting that I've never seen anyone mention. And you can't say it's because you never see it, because you do, you can go in there.

And it's empty.

His bathroom, which we only ever see in a cutscene, is furnished and modeled but his bedroom isn't. A room we physically go into, seeming to suggest that Simon just sleeps on his couch and spends all his time in his living room, which might explain why it's so dirty and disheveled when we see it.

But again, could be a game limitation, so I won't spend a ton of time on it. Instead, I'm going to shift to his relationships with other people. Specifically with Sophie, since I feel she gives a better read of how he sees personal relationships. But first I'll start with Purnell.

We see that Simon is distrusting of his doctor, antagonistic and refusing to open up about his home life. His friends and his school things that he won't touch when in session. Now, depending on which ending you get, changes Simon's opinion of the man. either someone who he apologizes to and praises for his attempt at helping him, or lambastes and curses for being incompetent.

His lack of trust in people, and his inability to feel comfortable around Purnell seems to wrap back around to my point made in the beginning: Simon seems to hold a fear of older men.

This fear could very much be manifesting in Purnell in his delusions, especially with him appearing as this dangerous force you are constantly chasing. And once you do catch up with him, his death is violent, it's personal. Simon stomping in his head with his heel born of a visceral hatred of the man. A desire to cave in his identity, to crush his skull and leave nothing but a bloody mess of the face he's been forced to stare at for hours at a time.

Alongside this is the note from the bowling alley which state "Something is off about Doctor Purnell" pointing towards other patients also feeling uncomfortable about him.

I'm not saying for sure that Purnell hurt Simon in any way, but I will point out here that- if you hit the bars of the gate Purnell is behind in the mental hospital enough times- one of his lines of dialogue is "Don't make me angry, Simon" which leads to an unpleasant visual of what their doctor - patient relationship is like in the real world.

Overall, I'd say that Simon's distrust of his own doctor and the image he paints of him in his delusion points to, if nothing else, Simon's aversion to older men.

Now Sophie is where it gets interesting.

Simon is obsessive, dangerously so, viewing Sophie on a pedestal above everyone else. Seeing her as his 'special person', his everything. He hinges his health and happiness on her, becoming overwhelming obsessed with the idea of them being together, going as far to write his happy ending with them together. His doctors even prohibit her from seeing him under the basis that she is bad for his progress, that she hinders his healing and sends him back into delusion.

In his confession, he corners her on the street, seeking her out and falling to his knees holding onto her desperate for her to listen to him, to hear him out, that if he tries hard enough she'll understand, she'll love him back, that he just needs to explain it better.

He's desperate for her, even going as far as to kill her in ending 2 to 'keep her all for himself', viewing violence as the final romantic act he can attempt. The final confession of his devotion. Seeing violence as love, killing her as the ultimate way to control her. You can never say her name without thinking of him, each thought of her memory now tainted with him, an eternal way to intertwine them.

This shows us how Simon sees love, romance in general, as something devastating. Something bloody and visceral. Something he yearns to have control over. Something he's been taught is violent.

There are a few ways to read this, the possibility of his mother in an abusive marriage and seeing how his father treats her, a possibility that his self-hatred leads to a desire to be together in death- saved from their pain together- or, in this reading, a twisting of his mind from a young age. Something that happened to him that created this view of love as obsessive, as painful, his desire to want to protect her stemming from his own victim-hood.

He's terrified of being alone, of being trapped in a body that he views as disgusting, trapped in a house he feels violated in and cornered by a man outside his door, resulting in a deep obsession with someone who makes it all go away, that makes him feel good. That brightens his day, so when she says no, he doesn't know how to handle it, and it gets twisted in his head that he just needs to convince her. Because if she doesn't love him, who will?

It's also possible that he was never in love with her, only thought he was, confusing platonic feelings and romantic feelings due to them being tangled in his brain. A possible symptom of CSA being a difficulty to distinguished between platonic, familial, and romantic feelings, resulting in a skewed perception of relationships.

His obsession with Sophie is a cry for help that goes unnoticed. He clings to her and destroys her in the process, unsure how to love without hurting someone, as he never has been. His brain desperate for connection, for friendship, but being unable to see friendship without love. Without sex. Unsure how to even grasp a relationship that isn't inherently harmful.

Kids who have gone through something as traumatic as CSA react in different ways, and to me, Simon's view of himself as a disease, his knee jerk reaction to push people away, his dirty bedroom and inability to feel romance without twisting it into something violent reads as someone who went through severe sexual abuse as a child and didn't have the words to put to it.

Wasn't told that what happened to him was bad, wasn't given the space to deal with those emotions or taught ways to heal from it, didn't grasp how much it hurt him until he had hurt someone else and had to see it in their eyes instead of through his own, as someone desperate to feel normal.

-

One last thing I'd like to touch on here- even if it is off topic, I mentioned it in my original post so why not- is the continued hint that Simon's mom is dead. Either leaving him in his father's care, or the reason why he moves into the apartments. This also adds to Simon's fear of abandonment. His sentiment of being lonely his entire life coming to a head with the death of the one person we know truly does love him.

In the apartments, there is the Drowned enemy, a ghostly figure that is suspended as if hanged that directs you to kill yourself if you look at her for too long.

Additionally, a baby bursts from her stomach and begins to stab you if you get too close- and this could be a reference to his mom, an older woman figure with long black hair that haunts you through the entire experience.

Now, I'm not entirely saying that the amount of 'pale ghost with long hair' enemies aren't just, references to The Grudge (since it's implied it's his favorite movie) but I'd like to ignore that in favor of theorizing for a moment.

(Though I am aware of the similarities don't worry. Especially the whole baby thing, if you've seen The Grudge 2 (which he literally has a poster of in his room like a dweeb) then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Weird movie. Go watch it. )

But following the idea that these enemies represent his mom, it gets darker as you venture into the forest sections. Namely, the Hanger enemy type.

The same ghostly women from before, clad in a white nightgown with long black hair that drops down from the trees with a scream and a noose around their neck. These enemies are also in the suicide hallways in endings 1-3, the bloody halls you have to parkour through to get to the sick Simon fight.

They are everywhere as the booming voice in the background screams and roars over itself 'kill yourself' and 'I'm sick'. It's not hard to imagine at all that these are his mother. Either having killed herself from the abuse at the hands of his father or after his accident, leading to him having to move out and find his own place- leaving him with the predator in the building.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but she's texting him? how could she be dead?' and here I would like to posit the idea that his mother acts as a call to the void type character.

A voice urging him to the other side, a gentle sway coaxing the gun to his head. Which could also explain why the Drowned enemies attempt to get you to kill yourself.

Simon taking his own life as a way to reunite with his mother, someone who we see deeply cared about and loved him, a calming voice throughout the runtime of COF that grounds you. Simon's breaking voice calling out for her when he get to his house also implies a disconnect, an empty house with a made bed and dust covered furniture that he weeps at. He's returning to a void. A comforting mirage that once held the things he loved.

His mother is never mentioned in any of the endings, neither is his father, the only hint towards their existence being his mention of how his family abandoned him in ending 2 but still his parents are not mentioned by name. He's alone at the end of this story. Just as he started it.

Overall, Simon is a kid who, no matter how you read the story, has experienced severe trauma all throughout his life. Whether you read it as him having been assaulted, his mother taking her own life, him living under an abusive father or simply being a kid riddled with depression and severe psychosis- he is a wounded mind. Someone who has been fucking through it, and I think there are several things that imply he's been through more than the game lets on.

The Sewmo's violating attack to the visual of children in trash bags and the continued theme of Simon feeling trapped at the hands of a predator are things that linger through the entirety of Cry Of Fear and to me, at the very least, make a very compelling argument for Simon having been a victim of CSA.

-

I hope this wasn't too confusing to follow? I haven't slept and am hopped up on caffeine right now so it might be a little all over the place. I've been working on this for like, two hours? and I think my brain is scrambled.

I'm sure I missed a few details here and there that also point towards this theory and if you have anything you noticed that I didn't, feel free to send me an ask about it! Analyzing this game and digging into the meat of it's story is really interesting to me and I think there are dozens of ways to interpret it's enemies and reoccurring themes. This is just one of them.

Also, this is coming from personal experience, as someone who has been through some shit in his life this is just how I see his trauma and how it could manifest. I understand that not every victim is going to see themselves in Simon or agree with this post or how I phrased things and that's entirely okay, this is simply my lived experience and how my trauma has effected my life.

I had some trouble with articulating some of my points, especially around Sophie, so I'm hoping it's still like, intelligible ya know? Mainly my point with her is that, him being so lonely, and with his view of affection stemming from a place of violation, he has a hard time feeling emotions that are not all consuming. Either extreme anger or extreme devotion, he flips between the two constantly throughout the game. He wants to keep her to himself, have her be completely his, he doesn't have a healthy view of romance and this could VERY likely be because he is a victim of CSA. That shit fucks with you and your perception of what a healthy relationship is.

Point is? get this guy a fucking break.

[ratatatastic]

"ive played in a canadian market ive been in st louis in the summer they won—ive never seen buzz like this" "we're really lucky we get to play hockey in such a nice place" the C and A clocking in on their Praise South Florida as a Hockeytown shift

2024-25 Media Day | 9.18.24 (x)(x)

[adashulaz]

Keith hating Shiro and Curtis being together because he thinks that Curtis is trying to take Adam's place. It causes a strain in Keiths and Shiros relationship because Keith will start fights with Curtis in hopes of causing him to leave. To Keith, it's necessary because he doesn't want Adam to be forgotten.

So Keith tends to avoid going anywhere with the others if Curtis will be there. He doesn't like fighting, he doesn't like the way the others look at him with such pity. So he just decides to decline if he knows Curtis is there. If Curtis ends up there while he's there then he'll just leave. This routine continues on until Shiro or one of the other Paladins manages to convince him to go to Shiros house.

Keith doesn't want to go but Shiro wants him there due to it being Adam's birthday. Keith went, expecting to have to avoid Curtis so he won't fight with the man on Adam's birthday. It goes completely off track when Keith sees it. It wasn't something that was there before. Keith's knows that it's new, not that new but still new. It made him want to break down in tears.

It was, at least Keith was assuming it is, an alter for Adam. It had a photo of Adam in the middle, a photo that Keith was familiar with. Adam wasn't smiling in the photo but he wasn't upset, he was simply trying to read a book but he looked up when he noticed Shiro taking the photo. Around the photo were candles and flowers, ones that Keith remembered Adam getting every single time they went shopping. The flowers were new, fresh while the candles were a bit older. There was some wax missing and Keith only held back his tears when the lingering smell finally hit him.

Adam wasn't forgotten. Curtis wasn't taking Adam's place. If anything, Curtis was helping keep the memory of Adam alive. Keith couldn't take his eyes off of the alter. Even after Shiro put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it to say that it's going to be ok. Keith only looked away when he heard something fall in the kitchen. The kitchen made him want to cry even more.

Curtis was there, making two different cakes. One of them were meant for Adam, he could tell by the frosting. Curtis wasn't trying to replace Adam. Curtis wasn't trying to erase Adam from the family Keith clung onto. Curtis was only joining it. Adam was important to Curtis just like he was important to Keith and Shiro.

That fact caused the tears to spill. Adam wasn't going to be forgotten, he wasn't going to be replaced. Shiro wouldn't be with Curtis if that was true.

[fili-the-jester]

The more I think about Azure Lion, the more uncomfortable I feel about him

[coquelicoq]

good morning can i show you guys the christmas card my little sister wrote me in french (she does not know any french)

joyeux Noël, j'espère que vous comprenez ce que je dis compte tenu de la fiabilité de Google Translate. Jespère qu'à l'avenir nous voir plus de deux fois par an. Je ne sais pas vraiment quoi dire d'autre, alors joyeux Noël et j'espère que papa t'a offert. Profitez également des autres choses que je mets sur la carte au lieu de vous ècrire un essai complet.

and then she wrote me a little crossword and a "connect the language to its way of saying 'merry christmas'" game 😭

[skeletalheartattack]

...am I just losing my mind or did yer icon become evil? I don't remember that BeAst behind Boe

yuuuump always been behind me

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If a ghost says it, you have to do it.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[shewhoeatssand]

I want to befriend Kaneki and meet with him and email him forever

[itsalwaysforyou]

the black sky and all those lights

a silly little something i wrote for jalentines!!

When Mal opens the dormitory door, Jay is standing in the hallway in his workout gear, hair tied up in a bun. He’s already grinning in that way he does when he wins a fight. Mal rolls her eyes at him. Grabbing her bag, she says bye to Evie, and joins Jay in the corridor. 

She scowls as they walk, her workout clothes tight on her skin. Jay had insisted they’d do things properly, and not in their usual leather. 

The hallways are decorated for Valentine’s Day, making Auradon Prep even more gaudy and colourful as usual. Pink and red hearts plastered across the walls, boasting the abundance of love here in Auradon. Jay’s had a thousand notes in his locker. Mal’s had none. Every morning, she watches Jay approach his locker like he would a target on the Isle. Weight forward, shoulders squared; ready to fight if needs be. And the paper falls to the floor like blood, only sickly pastel. Scrawled glittery gel pen. Words confessing passionate love, or asking him on dates, or doodles of hearts. Jay smiles the whole time. Greets and winks at girls. Scrunches those notes up in a fist. 

“Everywhere looks disgusting,” Mal says as they approach the sports hall. Heart-shaped bunting crests the doors.

Jay holds the door open for her. “It’s fun.”

“You would think that.”

The sports hall is mercifully free of décor. They drop their bags in the corner and begin to warm up, another stupid practice Jay insists on. His top rides up as he side-stretches. Isle rule: never show skin, especially to the enemy. Except, Jay loved to parade around in those stupid sleeveless vests. She’s yelled at him plenty of times about it—Are you insane? You’re a walking target. He would just grin and say, they’ll have to catch me first.

Jay laughs as he grabs the practice swords from their stands. “Here.” 

He throws it, and Mal catches. The weight in her hand is familiar. Already, her pulse is thrumming faster, and maybe if she closes her eyes she’ll be back on the docks, with the wind ripping at her hair, and the salt stinging her nose, and half a dozen of Uma’s crew jeering over the clanging of swords. 

Jay chucks her a mask too, before attaching one to his own face. The mesh turns her vision slightly hazy.

“Ready?” Jay asks.

Mal’s watched fencing practise a few times, mostly as an excuse not to do homework and instead watch her boys wipe the floor with all those prissy Auradon princes. Coach Jenkins appointed Jay captain of the team a few months ago, a role he takes more seriously than she’s ever seen him take anything. 

“Rassembler! Salute! Lower the point. Masks down. En guarde!”

Mal lunges first, which Jay clearly anticipates, parrying her blow. He circles. Strikes. Mal blocks it. He’s quick. Reflexes honed to a sword’s point; learned by practise and theory. Mal lashes out again, just catching his free arm before he jerks away. She grins underneath her mask. Her breath comes quicker. Jay’s blade arcs down, hitting her chest. Mal swats his blade away. She hears him laugh. She growls. Strike. Parry. Strike. Block. Strike. Jay lands another hit. Their shoes squeak against the linoleum floor. 

“Come on, Mal,” Jay teases. 

Mal lunges like a cat on its prey. Jay’s blade grates against hers like steel against flint. Jay may be quick but Mal’s smaller, and she weaves her way through Jay’s blade until they both have the sword’s point angled at each other’s chests. 

They’re both panting. Jay lowers his sword first. Takes off his mask. 

“You came in clutch at the end,” he says. 

Mal huffs, wiggling the mask off her face and wiping her forehead with a sleeve. “You actually get training.”

“And now I’m training you!” 

His hair has loosened during the sparring, spilling out at the seams. He unties the bun; flips his hair down and shakes it out. In this late-afternoon light, his hair could be made of gold. Hair longer than Mal’s ever had. 

He pulls his hair back into its bun, deft fingers making quick work. When he straightens back up again, his face is slightly flushed from the match. 

And Mal looks at this boy she’s known most of her life; this face and these hands; a boy that has held her at the end of the world and the start of a new one. And she snatches back down her mask. 

“Again,” she says, lifting up her sword. 

She’s swinging before Jay’s even had the chance to pull his own mask back down. Her blade slices against his chest, and she hears the breath escape from his lungs. 

“Fuck!’

Jay’s blocking her hits in no time. Mal grits her teeth. A boy who’s inhabited every place she’s ever been. The shadow along the street; a fixed point on the rooftops. Those long, quick fingers that know their way around bandage; around open flesh; around her own hands. Like a comet to Earth. Like an eclipse. Totally consuming. 

And here, where the sun shines brighter than they could have ever dreamed, she is left blistering. Those girls that fawn over Jay, professing their love with the same ease that Mal can hold a dagger to a throat. Jay’s clicking tongue, and that low fry to his voice when he’s chatting someone up. Everything is always so easy to him. He can wrap anyone around his finger with a wink. 

His blade slams into her stomach. Mal pants, the budding pain in her side clearing her head. Jay’s standing above her like some heavenly deity. 

“Best of four?” he offers.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“C’mon. Let’s take a break.”

Jay drops his sword and grabs his water bottle from his bag. Mal joins him, still gripping her sword, gulping down her water like a man in a desert. 

“We should do this again soon,” Jay says. 

“Tomorrow?”

“It’s the Valentine’s Ball tomorrow.”

Mal snorts. “Yeah, and?”

“I was gonna go.”

His words are coming too slow; too considered. Like when he used to talk about his dad, or a particularly bad Barge Day. Rehearsed. A guard dog who’s smelled danger, prowling at the sidelines. 

Mal presents her blade. “En guarde!” she shouts, and Jay ducks her swing before scrambling over to his own sword. 

“Really, Mal? Another sneak attack?”

“I’m keeping you on your toes.”

They waltz around the sports hall, the blades clashing and slicing and singing.

“We all agreed we weren’t going to go to the Ball,” Mal says, jabbing at Jay.

“We never agreed anything.”

Jay lands a blow. They are at the dockyard, with its rotting wooden pier and dead fish stench. The screeching of metal; the shouting; Mal’s heart hammering like the tide. Blood, and life. The roar in her ears. A dragon’s call. Body moving without a thought, as quick as a lightning strike. Not having to look behind her because she knows Jay is there.

“Exactly!” she says. “Why would we want to go to some stuffy Auradon ball?” Jay tries to say something but she ignores him. “Why would we care about Valentine’s Day? It’s corny, and over-commercialised, and a stupid excuse to make everything about love.”

Jay has her backed up against a wall. With no time to mount his mask, his lips are slightly parted, and his hair is escaping from his bun again. He looks just like he did on the Isle; none of his perfect prince act that fools Auradon. His sword hovers above her throat. 

“Do you yield?” His voice is low.

Mal stares at him. Those eyes that have seen every part of her. All the blood; every smile; her pale skin in the dark Isle nights. The boy that has beheld her every action; weighed it all against his own understanding of the world, and decided that they slot together as easily as a bullet in a pistol.

“Who are you going with to the Ball?” Mal asks. She’s still clutching her sword. She could claim the upper hand, if she really wanted.

A grin creeps across Jay’s face. All those notes and heart-shaped lollipops. The giggling girls at his locker. He could pick any one of them. All of them so beautiful, in their sunset-coloured dresses. He could have anything he wanted.

“Well,” Jay says. “I was going to ask you.”

The sword’s point makes sure they keep their distance. Never too close. All touches so light; so fleeting, as if you could’ve mistaken them for a dream. As if you could’ve imagined the whole thing. All those nights in the hideout where the barrier of the body seemed thin, and the world became so small: just two kids who wouldn’t even dare knock knees. 

So Mal shakes it all away with a laugh. “I’m not going to the Valentine’s Ball.”

Jay lowers his blade. Neither of them move. “Not even with me?” 

“I’m sure there’ll be plenty of other girls who actually want to go with you.”

“I want to go with you.”

His words echo through the empty hall. His word is as steadfast as ever, the only opinion Mal will ever trust. Compass, anchor: Jay does it all. 

Heralded here, Mal as real as the vast sky outside. Here, in his gaze, held aloft by trust where there shouldn’t be and compassion where there shouldn’t be and understanding where there shouldn’t be. A home for all her broken bones. 

Mal’s lips unfurl into a smile. This ache in her chest. In her throat. Jay always being able to disarm her. Jay in every place she’s ever been. Jay as her shadow; her skin; her second self. A reflection in the mirror. The line of separation is nonexistent. Like the sun, like the moon: one cannot exist without the other.

[ssreeder]

Hi! I have read a lot of LIAB and I loved it but it was honestly getting a bit too much for me and I had to stop reading cuz I was way too lost in the depressive feels. Your writing is so brilliant though!

I was just wondering how you think Azula would feel if she saw Zuko’s scars? I’m not even sure if you’ve already written this as the story continued or if you plan to soon and so won’t be able to answer, but the thought intrigues me!

haha yeah I have had NUMEROUS people say they started LIAB & couldn’t finish because it got to be too much, which is totally fine!! That’s why I love fanfic because there’s so many options for what different people wanna read. When I started liab I wanted to write a really dramatic emotionally dark and tragic love story - which I know some people aren’t into haha especially with how it’s written. (It was my first time writing ive learned a lot haha)

Seriously though! Thank you so much for complimenting my writing!!<3

ok that’s so crazy you asked this because we’re just at the part in the story where azula will be in the same city as zuko. But in ANY liab situation, I do think her initial reaction would depend on if she was prepared to see zuko or not and how much she knows about where he’s been.

Azula doesn’t enjoy not having control over people and situations- and we all know that when azulas not having a good time no one else is either. So if zuko pops up alive and she’s not expecting it I’m sure she’s going to be annoyed

But no matter what, I do think seeing his scars would surprise her, whether she expected them or not the sheer destruction that was done to zukos body would shock anyone. That’s also her brother, like she knows him he’s not just some extra in the background. she grow up with him and watched him throw tantrums and whine about his mommy and they played in the garden sometimes - & yeah she was prepared to see the SCAR but not all the Scars.

Since she’s rarely caught off guard I think her initial response would be to say something mean and clever to try and overcompensate for the shake in her voice and tremble in her hands. I’m sure she’d have a physical reaction - elevated heartbeat wandering eyes increased breathing but she wouldn’t wanna give zuko the satisfaction of catching her off guard (especially not if she thinks he’s working with his uncle to overthrow her)

she’d play it off but I think it’d haunt her, even if she had zuko in her clutches as a prisoner or ally his scars would stick with her. she’d see them in her dreams and when she closed her eyes, they’d burrow into her consciousness and if she starts to mentally unravel in liab like she did in canon and I’m sure zukos scars would be a significant part of pushing her into that insanity. Especially if she doesn’t know what the fuck happened to her brother lol. sorry I started rambling! I hope I answered the question lol! Thanks for the ask!!

[batsplat]

i don’t know too much about motogp in depth enough to send specific asks but please know that i am ALWAYS seated for your class! i really enjoy reading your takes + essays

man this is so so kind, I am always a little lost for stuff to say when I just get like. people being lovely in my inbox - trust I do read and appreciate it, just get very hung up on the responding bit

anyway, this ask I think was sent the day after this long post about the similarities between casey and valentino was dropped, which has kinda been where this blog has been living for the past month,, so. in my head. I'm choosing to believe this was specifically about that essay. and I just wanted to quickly toss in one more thing - y'know the bit about sachsenring 2010, right, where valentino shows up way way ahead of schedule from the whole broken leg situation and also jorge and casey have kinda been engaging in a teensy bit of trash talk in his absence and the vibes are. off

so then casey and valentino had a very tight very cool battle for the last podium position, 10/10 would recommend, low key one of the top 3-4 races that season. valentino's fighting his demons (leg recently broken), casey's fighting his demons (bike sucks), you can tell how badly they want to beat each other... and casey manages to take the shine off valentino's return by snatching the final podium place in what you just like. know. was extremely satisfying to him. you just know it!! he won't say it because he's so hung up on the 'ooh I don't get obsessed with my rivals' shtick (lol) but it's very obvious how badly he wants to beat valentino! and then after the race when they're talking to the press, casey's like,, valentino's comeback is really not that serious, the leg's fine he's just lost a bit of muscle mass,, idk why everyone's making such a big deal,, and then valentino starts throwing jibes in his direction about how CASEY would have complained if VALENTINO had ridden like CASEY had, but of course VALENTINO would never do such a thing,,, and in the timeline of the rivalry this is very much when we start descending to kindergarten level

anyway given the tone of the on-track battle and how much shit they talk about each other in the immediate aftermath, you simply have to be deeply endeared by how they behave post-race when they're actually on the bike. classic hand grab and thumbs up situation, valentino recognising casey's performance in all its viciousness:

but then what really prompted this whole thing was. this photo..? where valentino has managed to straight up reach into casey's helmet:

like is he trying to poke casey's eyes out what's happening here. looks like he's doing finger guns in his face. why's he getting so close. isn't this a lovely quirky little photo... casey's doing an insincere thumbs up at him and valentino's attempting to stroke his cheek. fascinating. they're about to say some out of pocket shit about each other to the press btw