#and he’s STILL acting like ‘woe is me for Adam has found someone who makes him happier than I could. I am going to lay down and cry’

[quietwingsinthesky]

If I keep making that joke about Michael eventually my brain might compel me to write something about it and I don’t know how I feel about that

[justanotherwannabeclassic]

Make This Place Your Home

Gideon Gold and Juliet Jones discuss the ethics of using "blood money" and the impact of having fathers who are murderers. (Finding Neverland-verse)

Author’s Note: Over the course of writing Finding Neverland, I've received a number of requests to write more about Gideon and Juliet's relationship. I've hit a bit of a roadblock with FN, so I'm writing this (and others) in hopes of getting the muse back from the story that started it all.Timeline-wise, this is set about five years before the events of Finding Neverland, and two years before Gideon and Juliet get together.

Read Finding Neverland and related works!

Rating: T (lots o’cursing)

Dedicated to @distant-rose and @phiralovesloki.

“Wow. This place is fantastic.”

Gideon watches as Juliet walks around the space, the natural light filtering through the windows creating a golden halo effect out of her blonde hair. She’s barefoot at her own insistence -- “I am not risking my boots scuffing your new floor!” -- and he notes how her toes are painted a shocking pink, a contrast to her black nails. She walks over to one of the windows, and lets out a low whistle of appreciation.

“Really, this place is amazing. This is seriously yours?”  

“Seriously.” He crosses his arms over his chest, his frown deepening as he leans his back against the kitchen island. Juliet’s praise isn’t unwarranted. The condo is exceptional -- open floorplan, two bedrooms, hardwood floors, and plenty of natural light. It’s a dream, and certainly better than anything he could imagine owning in New York. “Well, technically my parents own it, but my father was already discussing changing it over to my name.”

“Lucky.” There’s no sarcasm in her tone like he’d expect, but there’s some underlying humor there. She crosses what is supposed to be the living area and walks into the kitchen, her right index finger trailing over the granite countertop. “You think If I get into med school, my parents would buy me a condo?”

“I’m pretty sure if you decided you wanted to go to med school, your parents would be convinced that you were cursed.”

“And they would be right.” Gideon turns to see her opening the fridge, and she pulls out two bottles of the beer she had brought him. ( “You told me your parents bought you a place, so I brought a housewarming gift.” ) He bites his tongue to keep from giving the lecture he wants to make. She’s not yet twenty-one, and she’s bound to get caught with that fake ID of hers eventually. But, he feels overwhelmed and he desperately needs a drink, so he takes the beer without chiding.

“God, this is seriously getting to you, isn’t it?” she asks, because of course Juliet expects him to give her a lecture. That’s their thing, this weird sort of dynamic they formed since she they bumped into each other months ago in a coffee shop downtown -- his weird sort of not-entirely-brotherly protectiveness clashing with her desire to really let loose.

“It wouldn’t get to you?”

“Have you seen the price of rent?” Juliet answers with a snort. She lifts herself on the island, her long legs dangling over the counter. She takes a long pull before asking, “What’s Rachel think?”

“Rachel doesn’t know.” He doesn’t meet her eyes when he answers, instead focusing on the bottle in his hand as guilt churns in his stomach.

“Bad form, Gid.”

“Yeah, I know.” He takes another drink, still not meeting what he’s sure is Juliet’s disappointing stare. Gideon knows he’s somewhat in the wrong, that there’s some unspoken rule that says he ought to have told his girlfriend of almost two years about his recent windfall before the girl he didn’t even consider a friend a year ago. But the situation is complicated, and there are things in his life that Rachel is unable understand that only someone from Storybrooke could. “What could I even say?”

“Well you could begin with ‘So my father bought me a fucking condo in Washington Heights,’. That’s what you texted me.”

“And then what? Tell her I’m very much considering telling them I don’t want it because it was bought with blood money.” He glances over to Juliet. Her expression is worse than disappointed, it’s just sad. “You know I can’t.”

“You could.”

“It’s not that easy, and you know it.” He catches her turn her right wrist away from him Even if he can’t see it, he knows she has a tattoo of the cardinal points drawn on her list in black ink. He remembers how he’d talked her out of getting it one drunken evening, and how two days later she’d sent him a picture of the drawing inked on her skin. “What’d you tell Adam about that?”

She glowers at the mention of her boyfriend. “That compasses are a thing for my family -- which is the truth.”

“Bet you didn’t mention the beanstalk. Or the piracy.”

“No, I didn’t.” She rolls her eyes. “But it’s different with us. Adam and I just got together. You two have been dating for awhile.”

“Yeah, well, it’s complicated.” He knows he should at least examine the reasons for why he doesn’t particularly want to reveal to his girlfriend his fairy tale history. They’re probably similar to the reasons why he and Rachel haven’t discussed their plans post-graduation, when he’ll still be in New York and she’ll be be jetting off to Mozambique for the Peace Corps, the words ‘ expiration date ’ weighing heavy in the back of his mind. “Can we please stop discussing my love life?”

“And start analyzing your brooding? Sure.”

“It’s more than just brooding.”

“And yet, here you are, in your fancy condo that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, sitting here with a drink in your hand, acting all gloomy and ‘woe is me’.” She raises a brow, acting as if her point has just been proven as fact. “Sounds like brooding to me.”

“I didn’t invite you over here to mock me.”

“And why did you invite me over, Gideon Gold?” She quirks her head, her blonde hair falling over her shoulder. We she anyone else, he might have thought she was flirting with him, but he’s gotten to know her well enough to realize this is Juliet in her natural form -- at ease and charismatic. Normally it’s endearing. Now, with the mood he’s in, it’s frustrating.

“I invited you over because I needed someone to talk to, and Robin’s busy.”

“Ouch,” she says with a small laugh, but he can see the hurt in her eyes, and he feels instantly bad. While it’s true that he’d usually call Robin whenever he needs to vent about Storybrooke-related drama, he actually hadn’t been sure what she was doing after he and his parents had parted ways, leaving him to his own devices in the condo his family now apparently owns. Juliet had, in fact, been the first person he’d contacted -- something else he doesn’t have the mental capacity to dwell upon at the moment.

“Look, I needed a friend, okay? And you’re a friend who understands.”

“I’m your friend?”

“You’re fishing.”

“And you’re brooding.” She stares at him pointedly. “Look, I know things between you and your dad are sort of complicated --”

“--to put it lightly--”

“--but maybe you should give him a break. He’s trying to do a nice thing.”

“A nice thing that I didn’t ask for,” he reminds her.He’d already told his parents that he didn’t want them to contribute to his medical school tuition. His father, being the man that he is, instead found a loophole in that declaration. “I don’t want his money.”

“Because it’s blood money.”

“So you do listen.”

She rolls her eyes, but this time it’s accompanied by a smile. “Yeah, idiot, it’s what friends do.”

“I’m your friend?” he parrots.

“Who’s fishing now?” Her eyebrows dance, and he stifles a smile. She then schools her expression into something more serious, and sits down her beer. “Gid, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up over things you have no control over, and start focusing on the things you can.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

“It means you’ve got to stop hating yourself for being related to the Dark One. Or Peter Pan. Or the Black Fairy.” She ticks off her fingers as she speaks, her tone growing more pointed with each name. “Yeah, it fucking sucks that all your dad’s money came from a dozen or so curses. But there’s nothing you can do about it except, I dunno, some good.”

“I think you’re completely missing the point.”

“I think you wear a cuff around your wrist to suppress your magic because you’re insanely afraid of going psycho like the rest of your family. I think you want to be doctor not just because you want to do good, but because it would prove you’re not some monster. I think you don’t want this place, not just because you want to strike out on your own, but because you’re scared that if you do, you’re no better than them.” She looks at him expectantly. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

It strikes him, not for the first time, that Juliet Jones is more than just the pretty party girl he’d compartmentalized her as for so long. In the past few months that he’d developed an odd sort of friendship with Juliet Jones -- one that could actually be considered friendship and not the awkward barely acknowledging one another dynamic they’d had for years back in Storybrooke -- he was still learning the ways in which she subverted whatever persona he had believed her to be.

He takes another swig of his beer. “You sure you’re not a psych student? Archie could probably use an intern.”

“Okay, first of all, you’re mixing me up with Robin. You couldn’t pay me enough to intern with Archie. Second of all, it would have been fewer words to say ‘you’re right, Juliet’. Significantly fewer.”

“Pithiness isn’t my forte, I’m afraid.”

“Oh fuck you,” she says, but she’s teasing him. “Tell me I’m right or I won’t help you anymore.”

“You’re helping me? And here I thought you were just calling me broody.”

“Oh my god, say I’m right or I’ll walk out with the rest of your beer.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.” To prove her point, she dismounts herself from the island and makes a show of walking to the refrigerator. She casually leans against the appliance, and crosses her arms. Raising a brow, she says, “Your move.”

He rolls his eyes. “You aren’t totally incorrect.”

She pauses for a moment, considering. Finally, she pushes herself off the fridge. “Close enough.”

Juliet walks over to him, resuming her position by his side. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder, he can feel the warmth of her body against his, and he’s surprised at how comforting it feels. “The way I see it, is that you’ve been given a gift. You might not want it, but it’s a gift nonetheless. You and I both know how much rent costs here, and we both know how much debt med school is going to drown you in. This means less debt.”

“So you’re telling me to stop whining because I’ve been gifted the equivalent of tens of thousands of dollars?” Gideon shakes his head. “Do you know how privileged that makes me sound. How many of my fellow students are drowning in money issues because they don’t have a father who can just buy them an apartment.”

“Well, yeah, I’m one of them. Minus the med school part,” she reminds him, and he winces. Gideon knows she’s received a decent financial aid package from Columbia -- it turns out, the Storybrooke police department doesn’t pay that well -- but she’s complained enough about student debt to know that it doesn’t cover everything. “But that’s the point. So many of your future classmates are probably losing their shit over trying to figure out housing options. And here you are with a perfectly nice second bedroom that you can rent out for practically free. You’d be a housing fairy. Which, to be fair, is far more than anything Blue has done for either of us.”

“If I rented it out for free, they’d think I was a serial killer.”

“That’s why I said practically.”

What she’s saying makes sense. At the very least, it’s something that he hadn’t considered before. Not that he necessarily wants to admit that. “You’re just saying that because you want a cheap place to live.”

She laughs, legitimately laughs. “Please, there’s no way I want to live with you. I don’t want to know what sex noises you make. Assuming you have sex.”

“I have sex!”

“That sounds like something someone who doesn’t have sex would say.” She nudges his shoulder playfully. “But seriously, Gid, take the place. If you ask your dad to sell it, he would, but then some rich asshole would live in this gorgeous place instead of two med students doing the best the can to make the world a better place. Really, you’d be doing the neighborhood a favor.”

Gideon is shocked at how convincing she can be, even with the subtle jabs at his pride. She seems to know it too, because she’s staring up at him with an expression that can only be described as “I told you so,” and he both loves and hates it. “I know what you’re saying, and it doesn’t change the fact that my family got our money through incredibly dubious ways, and that makes me feel weird.”

“You’re acting like I have no idea how you feel.”

“Because you don’t know--”

“Do you how many people my dad has murdered? ‘Cause I sure as fuck don’t,” she asks him, effectively cutting him off. Her voice feels like a punch to the gut. “I know he’s killed like my great grandpa and fucking Merlin and who knows who else. And my childhood home? My mom got that via threatening the first owner because she was the Dark One.”

“Juliet--”

“I know all of this. And I can’t beat myself up over it, because I’ll go crazy. Because at the end of the day, my dad is still a murderer, but he’s also the guy who read me bedtime stories each night and taught me how to sail and cut the crusts off my sandwiches. And my mom is my mom and…” Her voice breaks. He’s not sure what compels him to do it, but Gideon pulls her tight into a hug. He’s not sure if she’s crying or not, but he holds her tight and runs his fingers through her hair. It’s what his mother always did for him when he was sad. It’s what makes him feel better. “I know, okay? Maybe not exactly, but I know.”

“Okay, you know. I was wrong.” He continues to run his fingers through her hair, and she doesn’t stop him, so he continues to go through the motions.

Juliet pulls away from him, but only slightly. Their arms are still wrapped around one another and his hand is in her hair. If Rachel were to walk in -- she wouldn’t -- it would be easy for her to interpret the situation as something untoward, even if it isn’t. “Look, I can’t tell you what to do. But the way I see it is that you have the opportunity to do good. It can’t change what your dad did, but maybe you can change someone’s life. And if you change one person’s life, isn’t it worth it? And, yeah, you’ll be drowning in debt still, but there’ll be less of it, so maybe you can volunteer your time at a free clinic or go to some far off country after you finish your residency and save some babies. I don’t know. I just believe you should think about instead of writing it off completely, okay?”

Juliet stares up at him with such an earnest expression, her blue eyes shining, that Gideon wants to look away from the intensity of it all. He doesn’t. Instead he finds himself saying, “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.” Juliet disentangles herself away from him. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, he stuffs his hands into his pockets as she runs her fingers through her hair. “Are you going to be okay?”

He lets out a feeble laugh. “It’s not the end of the world. I’ll be fine. Just need some time to think.”

“Okay, good.” She smiles another one of her beautiful smiles before glancing at the clock on the oven. “Hey, I’m sorry, but I told Adam that I’d meet him for dinner soon.”

She looks apologetic, and he feels a bit disappointed. He decides not to dwell on why. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t know all of this would happen.”

“No, I didn’t, but I’m glad you called me.” She surprises him with another hug. It’s over before he even realizes it happened. “I could reschedule if you need me to.”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. Enjoy dinner. Seriously.”

He watches as she slides on her shoes, balancing on one foot, then the other. Before leaving, he turns to him and says, “It really is a nice place.”

“I know,” he replies. Then she is gone, and he is one again alone in a home that may be his. And because of Juliet Jones, he might actually be coming around to that idea.

[dfroza]

grace is a treasure the heart must seek to find.

and the heart must be open to receive it.

A set of lines from Today’s reading that points to this:

“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”

The Letter of Romans, Chapter 5:1-2 (The Message)

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 5th chapter of the Letter of Romans:

Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!

But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!

For when the time was right, the Anointed One came and died to demonstrate his love for sinners who were entirely helpless, weak, and powerless to save themselves.

Now, would anyone dare to die for the sake of a wicked person? We can all understand if someone was willing to die for a truly noble person. But Christ proved God’s passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost and ungodly!

And there is still much more to say of his unfailing love for us! For through the blood of Jesus we have heard the powerful declaration, “You are now righteous in my sight.” And because of the sacrifice of Jesus, you will never experience the wrath of God. So if while we were still enemies, God fully reconciled us to himself through the death of his Son, then something greater than friendship is ours. Now that we are at peace with God, and because we share in his resurrection life, how much more we will be rescued from sin’s dominion!

And even more than that, we overflow with triumphant joy in our new relationship of living reconciled to God—all because of Jesus Christ!

When Adam sinned, the entire world was affected. Sin entered human experience, and death was the result. And so death followed this sin, casting its shadow over all humanity, because all have sinned. Sin was in the world before Moses gave the written law, but it was not charged against them where no law existed. Yet death reigned as king from Adam to Moses even though they hadn’t broken a command the way Adam had. The first man, Adam, was a picture of the Messiah, who was to come.

Now, there is no comparison between Adam’s transgression and the gracious gift that we experience. For the magnitude of the gift far outweighs the crime. It’s true that many died because of one man’s transgression, but how much greater will God’s grace and his gracious gift of acceptance overflow to many because of what one man, Jesus, the Messiah, did for us!

And this free-flowing gift imparts to us much more than what was given to us through the one who sinned. For because of one transgression, we are all facing a death sentence with a verdict of “Guilty!” But this gracious gift leaves us free from our many failures and brings us into the perfect righteousness of God—acquitted with the words “Not guilty!”

Death once held us in its grip, and by the blunder of one man, death reigned as king over humanity. But now, how much more are we held in the grip of grace and continue reigning as kings in life, enjoying our regal freedom through the gift of perfect righteousness in the one and only Jesus, the Messiah!

In other words, just as condemnation came upon all people through one transgression, so through one righteous act of Jesus’ sacrifice, the perfect righteousness that makes us right with God and leads us to a victorious life is now available to all. One man’s disobedience opened the door for all humanity to become sinners. So also one man’s obedience opened the door for many to be made perfectly right with God and acceptable to him. So then, the law was introduced into God’s plan to bring the reality of human sinfulness out of hiding. And yet, wherever sin increased, there was more than enough of God’s grace to triumph all the more! And just as sin reigned through death, so also this sin-conquering grace will reign as king through righteousness, imparting eternal life through Jesus, our Lord and Messiah!

The Letter of Romans, Chapter 5 (The Passion Translation)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 24th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that speaks of a coming Judgment to fully cleanse earth’s wickedness, similar to what was written by John in the book of Revelation:

See here, the Eternal One will empty the earth.

He will lay it waste, contort the mountains and plains,

And scatter its inhabitants all over the place.

Things will be topsy-turvy, hierarchies upended. No one will be safe,

not laypeople or priests, not servants or masters,

not maids or mistresses, not buyers or sellers,

not lenders or borrowers, not debtors or creditors.

The earth will be emptied, all emptied, despoiled, utterly despoiled.

The Eternal said that it should be so.

So the earth mourns, droops wearily down;

the world languishes and droops; the high and mighty languish in grief.

The earth is polluted by those who live on it;

they pay no attention to God’s teaching.

They violate His directives and break the everlasting covenant.

Consequently, a nasty curse consumes the earth,

and those who inhabit it are to blame for it.

They’ll be burned up,

leaving very few people to survive.

Luscious wine grapes shrivel to nothing.

The vines rot, and everyone who had taken

joy from their nectar sighs in deep depression.

No more music, no more songs, no more dancing to tambourines,

laughing with revelers, or playing the harps.

People don’t drink wine and sing with pleasure anymore;

the stronger stuff is mostly bitter to those who drink it.

The chaotic city is in shambles,

and every house is boarded up so no one can go in.

People rebel in the streets, demanding wine.

All joy turns to gloom; happiness has been banished from the land.

In the city nothing is left but desolation,

and the gate is battered and ruined.

This is how it will be on the earth for the nations—

only a few survivors will be left—

as when an olive tree is shaken and a few olives hold on

or when the grape harvest is in and a few grapes remain for gleaning.

But people will take joy again.

They will shout out and sing

of the Eternal One’s majesty across the ocean.

Join in the song and praise the Eternal from the east.

Praise the Eternal, the God of Israel, all along the coast of the sea.

Listen and you can hear the merry voices from the corners of the earth

singing, “Honor to the Righteous One.” But as for me,

I say, “I am wasting away, wasting away.

Woe is me!

I can see treachery, treachery, and it wears me down.

Traitors deal in treachery.”

Terror, pit, and trap face you,

you people of the earth.

And whoever runs from the sound of terror will only fall into a pit;

when he climbs out of the pit, he’ll run and be caught in a trap.

The sky above will open up

and the ground below will quake—nothing will be safe.

The earth is broken and shattered and splits apart.

It shakes and quakes violently.

Like a drunk, the earth staggers and reels;

it shudders and shakes, like a shack in the wind.

For its rebellion weighs so heavily on it, that it will fall

and have no chance for repair.

On that day, even the heavenly powers and earthly rulers

will feel the Eternal’s punishing wrath.

They’ll be gathered up like prisoners, thrown in a dungeon,

and suffer the punishment of God after many days.

A shadow of shame will settle over the full moon and bright sun,

and their brilliance will begin to fade;

for the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies,

Will rule from His chosen place on earth—Mount Zion in Jerusalem,

and His glory will shine out with brilliance for the elders to see.

The Book (Scroll) of Isaiah, Chapter 24 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, july 2 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about the Spirit being the very treasure of the heart:

Yeshua told his followers that the Kingdom of God (i.e., mamlekhet Adonai: ממלכת יהוה) is “within you" (Luke 17:21). This teaches us that the reign of the Spirit is not to be found "out there" nor is the kingdom to be regarded as a political structure of this world, but is realized in spiritual relationship - namely, the communion between the LORD God with your heart and your heart with the LORD God... This is the deeper meaning of the Shema: “God is Spirit (Πνεῦμα ὁ θεός), and those who worship him can do so only in spirit and truth” (John 4:24).

When we learn to believe clearly, Yeshua says we can experience the divine Presence within our hearts and among ourselves. As we turn to God, may we recognize that who we are is more vital than our outer appearance and contingent circumstances. Life in the kingdom means having a new identity, being a new creation (בְּרִיָּה חֲדָשָׁה), and that changes everything (2 Cor. 5:16-17). The “circumcised of heart” worship God in the spirit and rejoice in Yeshua the Messiah, having no confidence in the flesh (Phil. 3:3). [Hebrew for Christians]

7.2.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

July 2, 2021

No Complaints

“And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.” (Numbers 11:1)

The Lord is not pleased when we complain about our circumstances, no matter how grievous they may seem to us. Our example is Christ, always. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps” (1 Peter 2:21).

The children of Israel complained once too much. Forgetting all of God’s blessings in miraculously freeing them from slavery and providing all their needs, they repeatedly complained about their lot, one thing after another. “But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our examples, to the intent that we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted....Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer” (1 Corinthians 10:5-6, 10).

God may not deal with a complaining Christian as severely as He did with His chosen people, Israel, but we can be sure He is displeased when we, who have received the blessing of eternal salvation by His gracious gift through Christ, forget His benefits and complain about His testing. “Do all things without mumurings and disputings,” He has commanded (Philippians 2:14)—that is, without complaining and arguing about our treatment.

We can be confident that He is allowing these difficulties for some good purpose in preparing us for our service for Him in eternity. We should not forget what happened to the complainers in ancient Israel. “Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition” (1 Corinthians 10:11). HMM

A tweet by illumiNations:

@IlluminationsBT: Today, we're highlighting a Bible portion in a popular language that is spoken by about 34% of Latin America, almost exclusively in Brazil.

Do you know what language this is? Comment below with your guesses.

7.1.21 • 12:00pm • Twitter

[imagine-loki]

Across the Divide

TITLE: Across The Divide CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter Twenty Three AUTHOR: wolfpawn ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki sneaking out of the palace as a youth to see the city and countryside, while out one day, he accidentally gets in trouble for something, but a young girl deals with the situation, allowing him to be left alone and his true identity be kept secret. She is a poor girl who is only in the city to sell goods with her father, so she does not realise it is Loki, even though she sees his face. They form a friendship as she shows him around the city, and tells him the date she comes to the city every month for a particular market. RATING: Teen and Up

Sitting in the bed, Ariella felt lost and alone. Eir had been called to deal with an issue at the soldiers quarters and as another day ended, there was no sign of Loki coming to visit her, again. She cursed herself for being so aggressive to him when all he was trying to do was save her from what was happening, but it broke her that he could not see that it was the only way to guarantee her future, one child would not be so bad, if it was a son, it would be far better off than she would ever have dreamt possible for herself, though fear filled her, a daughter would require further children with her husband. She had liked the idea of children, someday, but she always dreamt they would be with someone she loved, a man who she would be happy to carry the child of, who would be excited to feel a child growing within her, when the time was right, when she felt as though she had everything she needed in life, not now, not a week after she became an adult.

She was so consumed with her thoughts that she failed to realise there was another in the room; when she looked up, she was shocked to see Thor standing in front of her. She said nothing as he stared at her for a moment. ‘Were you in the throne room earlier?’ he asked, his voice was neither accusatory nor aggressive.

Ariella stared at him confused, having not had the strength to get out of bed thus far in her time in the palace. ‘Should I have been, Your Highness?’ She asked.

‘What game is afoot with Loki?’

‘I am not sure that I understand.’

‘Thor!’ The pair jumped as Loki stormed in. ‘Get out!’

‘What is going on Loki?’ This time his time was demanding.

‘Thor!’ Odin stood in the doorway, Frigga beside him, both looking highly angered. ‘Get out, NOW!’

Thor knew and expected aggression from Loki, but his parent's reaction shocked him. With his tail between his legs, he scarpered from the room.

Ariella and Loki watched as the Allfather and Allmother followed their older son, leaving the pair alone. Loki looked at Ariella sheepishly. Though confused and scared by not one, but three shock arrivals of people, she seemed to realise something was not as it should be. ‘I am sorry.’ Loki began, ‘I should not have left you yesterday and I should not have assumed to know what you were thinking. I have never had to worry for myself wanting for anything, such a concept is alien to me, but not to you.’

‘No.’

‘Why are you so afraid to allow yourself to be free?’ Loki asked. ‘I know the world is terrifying, especially when you do not know where to start to deal with things, but you have me, Ari. I will help you.’

‘You have your own life to lead.’

‘We are friends Ari, best friends. When you were dying, you asked for me, you held onto me for dear life.’

‘You are a Prince, and I, a pauper, we are not conducive to being friends.’ she dismissed. ‘I…’

‘Stop!’ he ordered, he could see the resolve in her eyes. ‘No, no you are not going to push me away, you are not going to end this friendship.’ Loki growled, he noticed she seemed adamant to do so.

‘It is for the best.’

‘You do not believe that,’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘You think you can lie to me, no one can lie to me, I am the one person that will fall for them. Stop lying Ari, you are miserable.’

‘That is a tad dramatic.’

‘I heard you, after the old fart left, saying that he would return soon, that his daughter, who by the way, I have since found out is older than I, would be able to help make you look presentable, I heard you cry, I heard the noises you made when you thought you were alone, when you thought no one would hear your anguish.’ She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘That is why I had to…’

Ariella frowned, ‘You had to what?’

Loki inhaled and lifted his head high. ‘The message was received.’

‘What message?’

‘Breandain has accepted that the betrothal has been annulled, by order of my father.’ Ariella’s eyes widened in terror. ‘Before you freak out and are frantic about what you are going to do, you are staying here, at the palace.’ Though terrified at what was being said, she frowned. ‘You are being educated, formally. Father is less than impressed that all you can do is write your name. He is not letting you leave here until you are fully literate, and do not get started on my mother, apparently, your inability to read is something of a personal affront to her.’

‘Loki...please, take it back.’ her voice shook. ‘Please, I…’

‘Ari, cease. You are not going to be without. You accepted your fate because you thought you had no other option, Ari, this opens everything to you. Education, training, everything. You can choose the life you want here, anything you want.’ he explained. ‘You do not need to worry about food and lodgings, you are going to have your own room, clothes, even a maid to help you.’

Her nostrils flared as tears flowed from her eyes. ‘Why?’

‘Why? Ari, why not? You deserve this, you have done so much to help our realm with all you have told us of the woes of those less fortunate, you brought about the changes in Asgard, you need to be rewarded for all you have done. You deserve this.’

She shook her head, unable to comprehend what he was saying fully. ‘I…’ when the door opened again, she looked to see Odin and Frigga standing there. ‘No, please, you have to stop this.’ she begged, her eyes filled with tears.

‘It cannot go ahead child, you know it is not the correct life for you. Yes, I understand that this is overwhelming, but with time, you will see that this is the life you deserve, an education befitting your intelligence and a career befitting your talent.’

‘What career, I am nothing.’ she shook in terror, forgetting that the man she was shrieking at was the Allfather and King of the realm.

‘Ariella, what have I told you before?’ Odin stated kindly. Loki watched curiously as Ariella inhaled deeply and tried to calm herself. ‘The career I reference is the one I hope to now start you on.’ her brow and Loki’s furrowed as Odin continued to speak. ‘Loki’s friendship token, the stag you carved, show me your talent, I need you to sculpt something for me. You will, of course, be compensated according to your ability, which is to say, handsomely.’

‘I...I am not trained, I could never be able…’

‘For the past two years, I have had eight different sculptures commissioned for this piece, by eight of the best men in Asgard, one as terribly incapable as the next of getting it right. I wondered if it was because they were not as talented as they are accredited, but I soon realised, it is because they do not understand the situation enough to give in that certain something that makes it standout, poignant even.’

Ariella looked at Odin with confusion and uncertainty, she looked to Loki for some assistance. ‘He feels those he asked to make it don’t have that certain something that gives it the ability to make others feel its message.’

‘What would I possibly be able to make that professionals would not?’

‘I am glad you asked.’ The old king grinned.

*

When Odin returned to his rooms after discussing what he wished for Ariella to do, he was shocked to see him older son standing in the middle of them, arms folded and the facial expression of a petulant child. ‘Are you not a little old to be acting like this?’

‘What is going on of late?’ Thor demanded.

‘First and foremost, do not speak to me like this, I am your father, a higher ranking officer and finally, your king.’ Odin growled. ‘And secondly, that is not your concern.’

‘Fandral is talking in secret with Loki, Loki is up to something with that girl, I am the only one in this family that does not know.’ he thought for a moment before smiling smugly. ‘How can I ensure whatever it is remains as planned if I do not know what it is that is happening?’

Odin sighed. ‘Loki has turned reasonable and mature and you have turned malicious and conniving, I should be worried.’ Thor scowled at his father’s comments. ‘You have a lot to learn before you will be king of Asgard.’

*

‘Do you hate me?’ Loki looked fearfully at his friend, who had not said anything to him since his parents left. She said nothing in response. ‘A simple yes would suffice.’

‘I am not talking to you.’ she stated coldly, though her eyes were not filled with anger. ‘You meddled in my life, without even talking to me.’

‘I did it for you…you were so unhappy.’

‘You still had no right.’ she pointed out, not arguing with him on her misery.

‘No, I did not, but what I did, I did in service of a friend. I would rather lose you as a friend than see you so miserable. As much as it would hurt me.’ She gave him a small glare, which he used to give her a very sorrowful and remorseful look. ‘Please Ari, I did it because I care about you, I want you to be happy, to have the life you deserve.’ she unfolded her arms and looked at him while chewing her lip. ‘You are my best friend Ari, I want you to be happy, so much so.’

‘I know.’ she admitted. ‘I...I just...I am so scared...I was always told...if I wanted to survive, I had to be realistic and accept my lot.’

‘No Ari, never ‘accept’ anything, strive. You can acknowledge what is most likely going to be your life, but do not accept it just because of that, see what you can do, you will fail, everyone fails, and yes, failure is terrifying but it is not near as terrifying as living a life so beneath you to make others happy. Live the life you want Ari. Now you can learn to read, write, and with everything else, you will be…’ he looked sadly at her, ‘You will travel the realm, further even.’

‘Is that bad?’ she asked fearfully, noting the sadness on his face.

He gave her a sad smile in return, one that did not reach his eyes. ‘No, nothing of the sort. You will meet so many brings, they will adore you, you are so smart and good, they will see it so easily, who knows, you may perhaps even meet someone more suited to you, your own age, or even if they are older, they will be of your choice.’

Ariella swallowed slightly at that. ‘When does the tutoring start?’ she asked quickly, wanting to change the subject.

‘Whenever you feel like it.’ Loki felt a tightness in his throat and her seeming excitement at such a prospect.

‘WIll you be here?’

‘No, I have to continue my work.’ Loki stated.

‘Oh.’ Ariella toyed with her hands. ‘I see.’ she looked at Loki’s hands, she felt as though they were too far away to reach out and touch, something she wanted to do more than anything. She was terrified, the idea of Loki not being there to help her through it scared her more than she knew how to voice. She needed him, but it was clear from how he referenced his own work, he would see her from time to time, but not with the frequency she had come to adore.

Loki looked at her hands as she stared at them. When she had been weakest, he held onto them, as her strength returned, he continued to do so, now she had them on her lap, and not waiting for his touch as she had done before. He took it as her manner of telling him she was not interested in such any longer. Her apparent acceptance of his idea to have her educated was not argued again after making mention of her having the chance to meet more suitable partners, leaving him to feel as though his heart had been pulled from his chest. He looked at her sadly, not remembering when it was he fell in love with her.

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Thirty Nine

This is getting harder and harder to do every day. 

Don’t get me wrong, keeping a blog about my feeling since breaking up with X has been helpful and even cathartic to an extent. But dredging up every moment in my memory and every feeling that comes with it is exhausting. 

I slept alright save for the hours when I kept waking up and stressing about class. Every Friday, the students now have to write a diary entry in the books that C designed. Simple in theory, right? Except the elementary students at our school seem to genuinely have zero English skills. Or they have the requisite skills, but get completely flustered when they actually have to use it, kinda like me and my ambiguous relationship with Mandarin. 

So I changed the topics for grades 3 and 4 and thought that simplifying their task would help by writing vocabulary on the board. It kinda worked with grade 3 and all the students in my class managed to write a few sentences each. 

But grade 4? 

For 40 minutes, I sincerely thought that I was in a zoo and all the wild animals had gotten loose. One of my autistic students had a very OCD day and wouldn’t stop shouting out ‘The bus isn’t here!’ in Korean, too many of my boys were queuing up in front of the classroom computer to use the online dictionary. And of course, SB had a dumb fight with with another student, E, and legit walked out of my class and slammed the door on top of it. 

I’d love to say that the latter pissed me off simply because SB was in the middle of it. But he’s actually been relatively well-behaved in class in the last two weeks, almost like he’s had a lobotomy. And honestly, by the time he pulled that crap on me, I was too exhausted and dumb-founded to take offence. Now that I’m thinking on it now, I definitely need to tell SH about what happened in class. I hate to bother her about it because she already has to deal with this nonsense as their homeroom teacher, but I’ve just had it with the total disregard for my authority in class. 

I was forced to sit in the grade 6 homeroom and wait for them even though I knew they wouldn’t make it for class while having their school event during the day. I don’t get why the homeroom teachers force the foreign teachers to hang about like chumps during school events in the unlikelihood that the event will finish early and we’ll be able to pick up the slack with the dregs of the class period? It’s starting to feel like I went back to university two years ago and got a teaching certificate for nothing. I’m just an over-glorified babysitter at this point in my life and it sucks. 

N came to find me while I kept the grade 6 classroom warm (or chilled in this case because the afternoon was hot af). She wanted to have her ‘official’ conversation with me about renewing my contract at the school. I did change things up a bit when N mentioned tried to persuade me to consider applying for a teaching position in the high school department of our school. I initially wanted to do that months ago, but ML was pretty adamant that I was unable to change the terms of my contract since my school only hires high school teachers in the second semester and my contract ends in February next year. Never mind the fact that I initially interviewed for a high school position at my school before coming to my city, but got recruited into the elementary department at the last second when one of the teachers broke his contract in the middle of the school year. But who really cares about minor details like that? 

I told N I’d keep an open mind about it if she could swing things for me to work teach high school instead. I stopped considering it before when I thought that ML would stay in the managerial position for another year. But C told me that ML’s going back to Korea next year, so working under a new manager might actually be better. H might get pissed off at me for switching departments though; she’d probably take it as a personal affront to her management style. It is in part because of that, but honestly, I’m just done in general with this school. It’s too much bullshit layered with bullshit at every turn. 

After my meeting with N, I went back to my office, only for H to talk to me about a punishment I gave my fifth graders two days when they wouldn’t shut up in class. Instead of disciplining the students in my own way, H suggested that I turn the classroom in a democracy and let the students decide on their own punishments and rewards in the near future. It’s a great idea in theory, but now that I think about it, it’s basically an FU to the teacher. As it turns out, I’m pretty much irrelevant in my own classroom. 

And people actually wonder why teachers want to leave this school...

I saw N and ML talking out of the corner of my eye while H talked to me. I guess N gave ML the ‘good news’ about me wanting to leave. I could care less at this point. H’s eyes looked strangely red-rimmed during our talk, like she was seconds away from crying. I wonder if she heard about my news already? Who knows and honestly, who cares at this point? 

I’m over it. 

Still, I sat with CI at lunch and we had a good talk about our different classroom woes. He’s become a really good work buddy, I’m glad that C picked him out from a sea of what was probably a lot of crap teachers. Even talking to N about some of my minor grievances helped too. I even found time during the day to perform surgery on a clay doll one of my third grade girls made that had its leg and sword hilt (I don’t know what kids are into these days, lol) ripped off by her classmate. I went home to get my glue gun because the departmental ones are suddenly missing and I sutured the old sport’s injuries. Then I left said doll in the third grade homeroom, I hope my little chica finds it there. 

All of this dumb shit that happened - It’s ok really when I think about it. Now I know that I’m done with being treated this way. Good luck to my school principal with finding teachers that are half as competent and caring as C, me and even CI, even though he’s staying another year. 

After all the fuckery at work and the number that X pulled on me, I’m done with people taking me for a James Blunt in my professional and personal capacities.

‘James Blunt’ in this case is British rhyming slang. Do yourself a favour and look it up, it’ll give you a good laugh. 

I may look like a ‘James Blunt’, I may even act like a ‘James Blunt’ when I’m taking the piss. But don’t get it twisted: I am not a fucking James Blunt by any stretch of the imagination.  You can’t fuck with me and expect me to treat you the same way ever again. 

It only needs to happen once. And after that, I’m done with you. I may smile at you and even help you with things from time to time. But I will never open myself up to you again. 

That’s what happened to X in the end and I can see how it will happen with some of my current colleagues as the months progress. I thought it was kind of C watching C and H’s friendship turn to shit in real time when H became our manager. But I get how it happened: when you get a little of anything good, it makes you selfish and you end up turning on the people around you. 

I did that when I dated X. She became the centre of my universe and I lost track of everything and everyone. I even had a huge fight with P and G because of X when I used too much bandwidth from the family router to video call X every day for a year. 

That was a really bad fight and the way my siblings looked at me while it happened still haunts me. It’s like they saw me, but an uglier version, and they didn’t like it one bit. 

I shudder when I think of that memory, especially when it was all for nothing with X. I nearly lost my relationship with my brother and sister over X. And what the fuck was even the point of it all? 

I don’t ever want to be that way again the next time I fall in love. I want to go into the whole affair with my eyes completely open. 

There were some positives at work. Besides having some good heart-to-hearts, my colleagues really liked the coconut tarts I baked for them. Even if they were just blowing smoke up my ass, it felt good to hear the compliments and know that I’m not sucking at this too. 

I’m feeling really tired today, so I hope I have enough energy to exercise in a little while. I ordered dinner from a chicken restaurant below my apartment complex, I’ll cook something tomorrow. Since R wants me to charge me an arm and a leg for a physiotherapy consultation, I made an appointment at a local clinic tomorrow instead so a doctor can look at my right arm that keeps twinging whenever I move it. I hope someone speaks English there, I’m tired of floundering about like a beached whale with zero Chinese speaking skills. 

My sinuses are still pestering me, but not as bad as before. I still have to check through my student diaries this weekend and mark and correct them. That’s a problem that can wait till tomorrow after I’ve had a good night’s sleep. D’s birthday gift finally arrived, I also have to figure out when I can drop it off at her apartment. 

I just want to rest this weekend and not think about anything. After Sunday, I’ll be done with my current workout programme; I might switch to something simpler like swimming after this. 

I’m just done. 

My body and brain need a proper rest. 

I might stop writing these blog entries after Sunday is over, I’ll see how I feel. Right now, I don’t want to think and just drift off deeper into myself.

[ladyamelia-whitfield-blog]

HELLO LOVELIES!! ;D As said in my post in the ooc blog, here’s a bio on Amelia and as I’ve also mentioned,  I’m a huge plot-whore, so do come on over and IM me if y’all wanna plot a  connection/anything with Amelia here or LIKE this post and I’ll come to ya instead!!~<3

So damn excited to be heree and I can’t wait to  rp and get to know everyone of u soon!!:D~<3 <3

So she’s the only child ( so far for now,as idk yet whether I want her to have any older siblings or not) to the a high-ranking Duke and Duchess in Bearoria, the kingdom where she had been  born in , grew up in and where she stayed & called home for many years till she was married off to a Duke in Dracborough (when she was 20)

I kinda have it that her family was always invited to the royal court whenever there was an event or function happening there or  even invited to stay there a few times over the years due to her family’s position and possibly her parents being good family friends with the King and Queen.

As it was during her time spent in the royal court was when she bumped into and became friends with Emrys’s, the adopted son of the royal physician there, when she was 5 and he, 7.  Their friendship grew greatly over the years  and evolved into a very close one whereby they eventually even became besties.

Her personality is that of a kind, warm, calm, mature and wise lady, who's also well-mannered and socially graceful as well as keeping in with social etiquette expected of her when she's out in public but she's humble so she doesn't mind making friends with anyone of any societal ranking.  And at times she may be quite compliant to her family's wishes except of course when it comes to who she makes friends with or who she chooses to help cos she simply cannot agree on her familiy's elitiist or classist views. She also knows how to speak out for others if she sees something unjust being done but she'll do it in a direct , mature way.

Eventho, she accepts the way that most of them are living in male-dominated society plus she does abide to society's protocols while conducting herself in public, she internally however, doesn’t feel that the whole situation is really fair to women but then what can she do about it ? Except to sometimes try to defend a poor helpless woman if she comes across any men abusing them.  She doesn't really see women being any lesser than men in terms of intelligence and all that stuff, but she just remains calm about it and currently now as a lady she  just keeps those thoughts to herself and isn't an activist or anything tho she might voice her thoughts to Emrys if he eventually tries to get all unbearable in his views of male superiority (that's when she's gonna knock some sense into him again as she has tried to do during their childhood)

Over their many years of friendship, both Emrys and her  then very slowly , gradually and subconsciously fell for each other.  And they both kinda realized it one day when they were each individually self-reflecting on their own but then decided to suppress those feelings as they were afraid that the other might not reciprocate those feelings. Thus,  they didn’t  confess to each other their romantic feels as they both didn’t want to potentially lose or risk the great friendship they had going on that time.

But then one day, early in her 20th year, she found out that her parents were going to get her married off to son of a duke (an old family friend) in another kingdom due to a couple of social/financial advantages and she became utterly dismayed and against that idea.  Cos eventho she had thought of the possiblity that her parents might set her up for an arranged marriaged in the future, she kinda hoped that it would to be someone she could have a bit of romantic feelings for or at least she could potentially she herself falling for him or even the possibilty that her parents might let her have a small say in the choosing of suitors? BUT unfortunately, her now-arranged betrothed was someone she just couldn’t muster any romantic feelings for no matter how hard she had tried when they had met a few times before in the past and she had only come to tolerate him as a friendly acquaintance and nothing more.

So she tried to negotiate with her parents to not marry this guy or at least find someone else of equal stature which they felt was required but unfortunately for poor her, her parents were strongly adamant and wanted to see this particular marriage through, for their own selfish reasons. Thus, broken-hearted and helpless Amelia then felt very down as she could see herself ending up with a lifelong loveless marriage with her future husband as they had  very little in common & didn’t really connect that much and plus she’s secretly quite the romantic at heart.  Feeling a lil  depressed , she then calls upon Emrys and asks him to come out for a night out with her in the in the city. When they were finally out in the town, she then tells him that she wants to do something impulsive and wild for once in her life and he either supports her and stay by her side tonight or just go away, as this was her last night of freedom before having to be shackled into a loveless marriage as she was shipping out tomorrow to meet her fiance & start the engagement & wedding arrangements. (this whole wedding/ quick arranged marriage ordeal is making her act a lil uncharacteristically that night XD) She then  proceeds to drown her sorrows by drinking in a small inn, something she has never done before in her life(!) and  pours out the story of her sudden engagement & woes about her future marriage to Emrys.  While listening, he then tries to reason with her & stop her from drinking to no avail.

As a last bid-attempt, he then snatches a few pints from her and chugs them down himself.   She then gets mad at him and then they struggle a lil bit while shouting at each other which included   vague and heavily hinted sentences abt their romantic feels for one another  They then stop struggling upon recognizing some sort of romantic/heat/sexual chemistry was happening between them atm, and they oops, slept  together and have one night of unbridled pent-up passion XD And early next morning, despite feeling slightly awkward abt what had transpired between them the night before, she & he, both didn’t speak much except to quickly and say their goodbyes and she left after a tight hug.

She then only finds out some weeks later, on the eve of her wedding day, that she was  pregnant with Emrys’s child! She then  decides that there’s no way she can get married now because she doesn’t want to lie to her future husband that she’s pregnant with another man’s baby as well as she doesn’t want to bring terrible shame on her family name cos she def wants to raise the child lovingly & properly, so she impulsively decides to run away? Thus she leaves a letter explaining everything except for the identity of her baby daddy and scrams, but during her getaway , she accidentally gets into a very minor accident and hit her head very hard. So went she wakes up, she’s an amnesiac of some kind and her head is utterly empty of who she is and stuff? Her family then successfully finds her and selfishly decides with her groom, that they keep the secret of her being pregnant with another man’s baby from her and do their best to restore all her other memories about her life including planting a couple of fake ones like she’s currently in love with her groom and she’s having his baby as they had slept together before the wedding :P So the poor girl believes them cos really, what else is she to think?XD  And thus gets married and lives with her husband in Dracborough.  She then has the baby which is a girl and falls in love with her so much so her daughter is the biggest sunshine in her life rn? And then gradually over the next 5 years, she eventually  gets most of her memories back except for that one night that happened between her and emrys XD . And currently her relationship with her husband is distant and def not so good cos she just can’t seem to fall in love with him eventho she tries her best and she also doesn’t like him very much as a person as he has some ugly character traits she dislikes. And he in turn, is currently pissed at her cos she doesn’t love him after all this time, he’s a lil possesive of her and despite wanting her to love him back, he’s also half-hating her for having another man’s kid and them unable to produce any kids together despite them trying sometimes. (she’s secretly dreads their time in bed together as she doesn’t love him nor feel anything for him). Plus, she’s very unhappy about the fact that he seems to dislike, or if she didn’t  know any better, she would say he hates“their daughter” and is pretty cold and distant with the poor lil gurl and so Amelia just concludes that it’s  probably some sexist thing he has going on that he prefers to have male heirs and probs views girls as lesser beings or something. So she’s also kinda secretly angry at him too for treating “their” daughter so.

So right now, she does remember Emrys very well as all their great friendship history, and the fact that she had (or maybe still might have? ;) ) suppressed romantic feelings for him  but she just doesn’t  remember that eventful night at all…yet.

I’LL TRY TO COME UP WITH A PLOTS PAGE SOON, BUT I WOULD SO LOVE TO HAVE AS MANY CONNECTIONS BETWEEN AMELIA AND ALL OF YOUR LOVELY MUSES, GUYS, SO DO HMU / LIKE THIS POST!! <3~<3

[rjhamster]

Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering. — Mark 5:34

Galilee: The Woman Who Was Healed by a Touch

   from The Rock, the Road, and the Rabbi  by Kathie Lee Gifford

"The world around us is in upheaval but our hope is in the true God, the Maker of heaven and earth! He is our healer and our shield. He is a very present help in the time of trouble." ~ Rabbi Jason Sobel

"We must have the faith to boldly reach out and seize the Lord so that we might find help and healing in our time of need."

~ Kathie Lee Gifford

[Jesus] said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”  - Mark 5:34

It’s difficult in our modern culture to imagine what life was like in Israel during the time of Jesus. The Jews experienced terrible suffering under Roman rule — physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Romans were brutal, violent oppressors who took every opportunity to whip their subjects into submission. They despised the Jewish faith and saw it as inferior to their polytheistic worldview. The Jews, in return, despised the Romans because of their oppressive taxes and their “unclean” culture and pagan religion. And more than anything, the Jews resented the Romans’ absolute power over their daily life and worship.

Daily living for every Jew was an act of faith. They spent each waking moment trying to keep not only the Torah — the Mosaic law — but also the extra six-hundred-plus man-made laws imposed on them by the Pharisees and the Sadducees. We can’t imagine the weight of such a legalistic burden on everyday life. No one could be pure enough, or holy enough, or without blemish before God under such self-righteous leaders.

The Pharisees and the Sadducees, however, took great pains to parade their intellectual and spiritual superiority before the people. Jesus saved His sternest words for these individuals.

In Matthew 23:27, Jesus said:

 Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.

Jesus came to ease the burdens on the Jewish people.

In Matthew 11:28-30, He said:

 Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

No wonder the people’s hearts soared when they heard Him teach! No one in their world ever spoke such words of life or hope or compassion to them. Such love! Jesus’ words still have the same effect today on those whose hearts are open to His tender message of grace.

Perhaps no one in the ancient world longed for Jesus’ message of grace more than the women in first-century Israel. It is important to understand the status of women in ancient times. Their freedoms were severely limited by the Jewish law and traditions. They were basically confined to their father’s or their husband’s home and had no authority of their own.

During this time women were considered inferior to men and weren’t even allowed to testify in court trials, as they were not deemed to be credible witnesses. They were considered second-class citizens, excluded from worship among the men, with little more status than slaves.

But Jesus consistently demonstrated that He had a high respect and value for women.

One of my favorite stories of Jesus’ love for women is in Mark 5, when He healed a woman whose menstrual cycle had caused her to suffer for twelve years. She touched the hem of His garment (a major violation of the law as a woman), and He broke the law as well by talking to her in public:

 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind Him in the crowd and touched His cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch His clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from Him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched My clothes?”

“You see the people crowding against you,” His disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched Me?’”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at His feet and, trembling with fear, told Him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” - Mark 5:25-34

Rabbi Jason has some beautiful insights about this story of Jesus’ love for the woman with the issue of blood.

Come . . . to Galilee!

More from Rabbi Jason — Jesus and the Woman with the Issue of Blood

 Yeshua got up and began to follow him, with His disciples. Just then a woman, losing blood for twelve years, came from behind and touched the tzitzit of His garment.

For she kept saying to herself, “If only I touch His garment, I will be healed.”

But then Yeshua turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” He said, “your faith has made you well.” at very hour the woman was healed. - Matthew 9:19-22 TLV

A woman who had been suffering with bleeding for twelve years reached out and grabbed the hem of Jesus’ garment. Jesus responded by saying, “Someone touched Me; I know that power has gone out from Me” (Luke 8:46). The woman, realizing that she could not hide, “came trembling and fell at His feet,” telling Jesus why she had touched Him and how she had been healed instantly.

The bleeding woman had every reason to be fearful. Among religious Jews, it was — and still is — considered immodest and inappropriate to touch a man, even one’s husband, in public. But even worse, this woman was ritually unclean and could spread her impurity to any person she touched (Leviticus 15:25-27). She could have faced serious consequences for such a bold action.

But this woman was desperate. Imagine not being touched by family or friends for twelve years. She had lived for over a decade in a perpetual state of shame as an outcast who was excluded from the social and spiritual life of her community. She felt she had nothing to lose, so she took a big risk. When she touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, she was instantly healed! Though Jesus became ritually unclean by her touch, she became clean, and more importantly, whole again.

Notice this woman’s fear: “The woman, knowing what had hap-pened to her, came and fell at His feet and, trembling with fear, told Him the whole truth” (Mark 5:33). Notice also Jesus’ gentle response: “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace” (Mark 5:34). is underscores how radically differently Jesus dealt with women than did other men of His day. Rather than being upset with her, which would have been the normal reaction from a rabbi or Levitical priest, He commended the woman’s faith.

But of course, there is something more! A key detail often overlooked in this passage is that the woman touched “the edge of his cloak” (Matthew 9:20). She did not just touch the fringe, but rather His tzitzit, the ritual tassels placed on each corner (kanaf, in Hebrew) of every four-corner garment. These tzitzit are described in the book of Numbers:

 Adonai spoke to Moses saying, “Speak to Bnei-Yisrael. Say to them that they are to make for themselves tzitzit on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and they are to put a blue cord on each tzitzit. It will be your own tzitzit — so whenever you look at them, you will remember all the mitzvot of Adonai and do them and not go spying out after your own hearts and your own eyes, prostituting yourselves. This way you will remember and obey all My mitzvot and you will be holy to your God. I am Adonai your God. I brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God. I am Adonai your God.” - Numbers 15:37-41 TLV

These tzitzit were meant to remind Israel to faithfully follow the Lord by obeying His commandments. It is no coincidence that they were to be placed on all four corners of the garment.

The root of all sin goes back to the garden of Eden. The result of Adam and Eve’s disobedience was exile for them and all their descendants after them. Living in exile means living in a perpetual state of disconnection and separation that ultimately leads to death if not remedied. There are four aspects to exile: spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical.

The promise of redemption from exile is also connected to the number four. At the Passover Seder, there are four cups of wine that correspond to the four aspects of redemption mentioned in Exodus 6:6-7 (TLV): “I will bring you out,” “I will deliver you,” “I will redeem you,” “I will take you to Myself” (see “An Overview of God’s Appointed Feasts” on page 142). At the final redemption, the Lord will “lift up a banner for the nations, and assemble the dispersed of Israel, and gather the scattered of Judah from the four corners of the earth” (Isaiah 11:12 TLV).

Also, there is a messianic promise that states,

 For you who revere My Name, the sun of righteousness will rise, with healing in its wings. - Malachi 3:20 TLV

The word for “wings” in this verse literally means “corner” and is the same word used for the tassels on the four corners, known in Hebrew as the arba kanfot. is woman reached out and grabbed one of the four “wings” of Jesus’ tunic.

This bleeding woman had been living in exile on all four levels. She had no physical contact with family and friends, could not publicly worship in the temple, was isolated and alone, and lived in a perpetual state of physical pain. But she found a fourfold healing by touching one of the four corners of Jesus’ garment, and thus she became an example of the messianic redemption that we can begin to experience right now when we reach out and touch Him!

Like her, we must have the faith to boldly reach out and seize the Lord so that we might find help and healing in our time of need.

Just like the woman with the issue of blood was viewed as unclean, many religious leaders in Jesus’ day viewed the Gentile nations as unclean and unworthy. This perspective was due to the fact that the nations of the world were pagan at this time, and their cultures were dominated by idolatry, bloodshed, and sexual immorality. Despite this, Jesus had a very different view of Gentiles. He did not focus on their sin but on God’s promise of redemption for all people.

Just like the woman who grabbed hold of Him and found personal redemption, one day all the nations of the world will do the same. As the prophet Zechariah wrote:

 Many peoples and powerful nations will come to seek Adonai-Tzva’ot in Jerusalem, and to entreat the favor of Adonai.” Thus says Adonai-Tzva’ot, “In those days it will come to pass that ten men from every language of the nations will grasp the corner of the garment of a Jew saying, ‘Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.’” (Zechariah 8:22-23 tlv)

One day all peoples will grab hold of the Lord by attaching themselves to God’s people. When this happens, exile will end and the world will be healed!

On a more personal and practical level, women were not seen as equal to Jewish men. But Jesus and the New Testament make it clear that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female — for you are all one in Messiah Yeshua” (Galatians 3:28 TLV). This does not mean there are no longer any differences or distinctions between men and women or Gentiles and Jews; rather, it implies a spiritual equality. There are no second-class citizens in God’s kingdom.

Excerpted with permission from The Rock, the Road and the Rabbi <http://links.zondervancorporation.mkt4728.com by Kathie Lee Gifford, copyright Kathy Lee Gifford.

Your Turn

Jesus held women in high esteem in a culture that considered women property, and not very valuable property at that. How does that change your heart toward Him? Come share with us on our blog. We want to hear from you! 

[songanalysis123-blog]

Ain’t Talkin’ - Bob Dylan

Synopsis :

In a Godless world where even the idea of the nameless one is laughed at and denied, Bob walks through the ruins and decadent cities and clings onto the light of the most precious warmth. Whatever foe must be slayed will be slayed without mercy, whatever opponent is found in his path will be slaughtered. There are no laws in this forsaken wasteland, no honour, no faith, no rules, all’s up for grabs but he resists and holds onto the light like a beacon in darkness. The garden, the most precious place, that too is abandoned and God’s away. Yet relentlessly, he awaits heavenly aid. Bob practices an old abandoned faith, one from so long ago that it lingers only in the very depths and catacombs of our history and time, at the very last floor of our souls.

As I walked out tonight in the mystic garden The wounded flowers were dangling from the vine I was passing by yon cool crystal fountain Someone hit me from behind Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Through this weary world of woe Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ No one on earth would ever know

I like to think of the mystic garden as the place of introspection where the self truly resides. You can reach that world through either contemplation of the state of things, meditation or even stimulating your feelings to such heights that you’ll walk around as though you were chased by a pack of hungry dogs. It is not part of the physical world yet all have access to it emotionally, it is the place from which imagination, inspiration and creativity reside, introspection is key. The 5 senses of man are conduits that influence that world, this is why the flowers are wounded, both worlds are intrinsically connected. The senses influence reality, memories, actions and events, they corrupt the purity of the garden and inject into it sickness where the vegetation that once was pure slowly rots and is left to die should we be careless enough not to act righteously and bravely against the sin which we were born with. Sin is inside that garden, it is a small seed and how much one wants to water the seed of sin is up to himself, whether it be conscious or unconscious, that is until he recognizes the seed. It’s ironic that the only link between the garden and the outside world is sin itself, we cannot live without it but peace is a losing battle worth fighting for. Adam and Eve bit into the apple and became like God, knowing good and evil and therefore finding the choice between good and evil but to also perceive good an evil. If they had not had the apple, the arts that we know would not exist, this song would not exist. Truly, we should be grateful to the serpent for this, it gave us almost complete control of ourselves. The crystal fountain I can only picture as the divine spark which gives life to the garden, water is life, without it, there is none. Christ says that the kingdom of God is found within, knowing that Bob’s a believer, that would make sense, God is the very atom of the water that spring from the fountain. Bob gets hit by somebody bringing him back out from his introspection and into the physical realm where pain and woe thrive.

There is no point in Bob talking, rather it seems that he’s better off just walking and leaving the physical world crumble around him. The world is made up of pain and his heart burns and still yearns for more closeness yet no one will ever know about the struggle since the description of that yearning is simply indescribable. To fill the void and the emptiness in a world where all things idolize decadence of the soul rather than growth, who’d understand ? Or may be, no one would ever know because the journey he undertakes in this song is completely inward, there’s a hint to that at the end of the song

They say prayer has the power to heal So pray from the mother In the human heart an evil spirit can dwell I am a-tryin’ to love my neighbor and do good unto others But oh, mother, things ain’t going well Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ I’ll burn that bridge before you can cross Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ There’ll be no mercy for you once you’ve lost

Prayer does have power. Through the law of attraction, good and positive thoughts influence our experience of the world and what we can receive from it, baring in mind that it is much harder to do than it is to say. Since pain is an addictive feeling that releases endorphins in the brain, it’s almost as though we need pain whether that be physical or mental, it’s well documented that some of us are addicted to torturing ourselves with negative thinking. Evolution taught us to be careful of all dangers and to expect bad to happen, man could not defend himself against the animals that surrounded him and so was made to always be on his guard therefore thriving upon negativiy, was man the underdog of the world and stood against the dangers by broadening his consciousness to the point that he began to become his own worst enemy through the realisation that he has the potential to destroy anything by the use of his own psyche ? Man grew and found within himself the devil, the devil was the only way he was going to survive in this world. How wide does Pandora’s box open ? Lucifer brought us the light, Adam and Eve were inside God’s mind, what God could not do was remove the Tree of Knowledge because it served him and was necessary to him. He was supposed to carry the knowledge and burden of perception. We can only be grateful to Lucifer for sending us on the amazing journey that life is. I thank both. I forgive both. The mother I can only think of as the Madonna, symbol of purity and life unspoiled by fleshly needs.  

Not all things inside man are good. Observe the world of psychopaths at the top of the political world or even the business world and you begin to see that these people are untouched by judgement because they simply have no conscience of others. Karma does not affect you when you have no conscience, it’s only when you develop conscience that judgement falls upon you. The idea that everything is made out of love is not the only way to touch the feeling of elevation and ascension, you can go all the way down and find power over the world, you will not be yourself when psychotic laughter overtakes you, you’ll be consumed by power and burst out of your chains, eat the world as though it was a piece of raw meat and lay all things to waste. That evil of having no regard for the world around us resides in everyone. Can you handle it is the question and how long for before you break, are you born a psychopath to the extent that you will hurt others and never even honestly think about what happened ? You can lose your good conscience very easily but it might not be lost long enough for you to carry on without looking back. Good and evil intertwine, you might think that you’re doing good when in the contrary, you are doing evil. Picture a funambulist walking on the Yin and Yang. We are stuck between good and evil, it’s as though we’ve been put inside a snow globe where good and evil is the glass that keeps us inside.

Trying to do good onto others is probably the hardest task that’s been brought upon the self, how to do good when all things relate and so many options are open to you that you are blinded by temptation and voices call you from all sides to give into satisfying yourself even if it means to destroy all things around you ? And even if you try to do good, it’s most likely going to be misinterpreted by whoever it is you’re trying to do good onto until it’s understood that you are protecting both yourself and them. Give food to the ever hungry and he asks for more, take it away from him and he’ll take years to understand why. Blinded by an education where all was given to him freely rather than him learning to fetch for himself.

Things don’t go well so Bob keeps walking and not talking, it’s better to keep quiet and to keep walking than to pay attention to the outside influences that may throw you off course in your quest for true goodness, or even worse, that it is you who is the evil that destroys the good around, to keep others safe it’s best if you stay far off and quiet. True goodness is upside down in our social realm, things are inverted. May be that’s why he’s got to burn the bridge or as the last line suggests, may be it’s because you are the enemy. Or is this all happening in Bob’s head and he’s talking to himself ? Restlessly running from himself.

Now I’m all worn down by weeping My eyes are filled with tears, my lips are dry If I catch my opponents ever sleeping I’ll just slaughter ‘em where they lie Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Through the world mysterious and vague Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Walkin’ through the cities of the plague

It’s a painful, painful world. I don’t have much to say about that one, you can only cry for so long, it wears you out and your lips are dry from the thirst for whatever you’re thirsting for has not been satisfied. You know you’ve got enemies. They’re all around, they spit at your values, they laugh at your beliefs, they do anything to keep you in line, they sell you stuff, they show you shit on TV, they bomb Syrians while ISIS run over your families, they lure you into thinking that there is such a thing as winning or losing against them when there is only the awareness of how you treat yourself that counts. Treat yourself well and you will treat others rightfully as they deserve, things are not so black and white and it would be very long to explain how serving one’s self is to live in the laws of nature and God, it’s the contrary of selfishness. It doesn’t matter where you go, which side you might choose, there’s enemies all around anyway. You could pick a side and see where that leads you but loyalty’s only to the self and to God, rely on no one. The world’s vague and that picture of mythical walking as though Bob was an old pilgrim wandering through the cities of the plague is intact and as powerful as ever. Sodom and Gomorrah where all pleasures are up for grabs in order to fill a void that will never be filled through any physical acts anyway, you might as well pluck your eyes out. The people in those cities experience no growth, they’re at a stand still, everything repeats and it’s hell to get out of a habit. Despair leads into habits. ‘’Find me one righteous soul in either cities and I shall not destroy them’’ I paraphrase. God, since found within, was let down by the people of Sodom and Gomorrah and so by not serving the God within and living in accordance to it, the cities fell. They brought destruction on themselves by living in constant sin. Forget yourself and you will be absolutely lost, imitate or try to fit in where you don’t belong and you’re going to hurt yourself really badly.

Well, the whole world is filled with speculation The whole wide world which people say is round They will tear your mind away from contemplation They will jump on your misfortune when you’re down Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Eatin’ hog-eyed grease in a hog-eyed town Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Some day you’ll be glad to have me around

Reality, perception, physics, names, words, everything is out of speculation. Bob then sarcastically puts a touch on how the world might not even be round. ‘I know that I know nothing’ said Socrates.

Contemplation leads to philosophy and that is no fun, one is not supposed to contemplate himself, rather it’d be better to blame other people for your own misfortune, you are not supposed to grow, you are not supposed to face yourself. You’re supposed to bitch about your experiences, that is how your shadow is kept over you like a veil over the light, you should not begin to examine yourself otherwise, you do not give into greed. Are you experiencing symptoms of reflection and contemplation ? Phone your doctor, you suffer from depression. A couple of pills will cure you from the ghosts that haunt you day and night only to come back when the effects wear out, there’s no cure but the education of the self and of the soul, struggle and you will be rewarded, bring out everything that you’ve got, resist and give into nothing but yourself, tough as that may be, no matter how many times you might fail. Now you may think you can rely on a friend but the question isn’t if they can carry you but how long can they carry you for before they too begin to break under your weight ? That is evil and selfish. Carry yourself upright, stare into the face of mankind and don’t forget your mirror.  

Still walking and Bob’s very negative in this song and rarely is negativity tolerated in social circles, too much negativity and criticism is a toxic habit, it blurs the lines so fuck you Bob, go away. Yet negativity offers some fantastic insights into the state of things. If a society lives under an illusion and utopia that everything in the world is good, then you can be sure that there’s something rotten under it. I’d rather say that all things are in bliss rather than everything being made out of love. Actions though, are most of the time done out of love whether they be wrong or good.

They will crush you with wealth and power Every waking moment you could crack I’ll make the most of one last extra hour I’ll avenge my father’s death then I’ll step back Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Hand me down my walkin’ cane Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Got to get you out of my miserable brain

Society spoils you with goods and buying something expensive is often a way to show off how well you’re doing. Consumerism encourages us to believe that our material gain is success and will bring us the needed love which we all seek. It’s the age old story, from the fall of Rome to the breaking point of capitalism. When Rome fell, emperors drank to power since they assumed that they were all powerful they’d thought they’d won everything and by letting down their guards and indulging into pleasure, they lost their way and without struggle there are no lessons and no lessons equals no growth. With capitalism (fuck communism too btw), it’s the citizens that let down their guards against the government, banks and companies. By spoiling the individual with material things, the individual receives a small moment of approval from others which he begins to depend on, it’s just as addictive as pain. It lures him into thinking that his soul does not need taking care of but that rather, his phone needs an upgrade. For the common individual, it also makes him believe that he is escalating the social ladder in the sense that he is closer to the masters of the world while the masters are actually enjoying the most expensive wine and tasting the healthiest and best food around while leaving the individual going into the supermarket to buy a smart price can of potatoes. While the money has gone into upgrading the phone, the minimum wage earner’s body is hungry for health. Later on and whether that game be unconscious or not, this is what happens : While companies fatten the citizens with greed and entitlement, politicians play on the self-pity the individual experiences (because to consume has not fulfilled the needed love) in order to get votes. Behind the curtains, politics and companies are having a hand shake.

Back into the lyrics, you could crack at any moment to give into that game, it is very tempting to throw it all away to join that kind of world because you could get these moments of appreciation too, you see them all around joyful but the moments might be ephemeral, after all, you can’t be in someone else’s mind. So Bob’s gonna make the most of one last hour, he’s gonna do something, keep active because these moments of appreciation are ephemeral and will lead to withdrawal after they’ve gone. To believe that the senses can satisfy the void is misleading, they’re always hungry for more. Only one thing can satisfy and it is immaterial and hard to reach. Then again, we are animals and all animals need physical release. The beast inside must be served, if not served it will come back to insult you and put you down every day.

It’s getting harder to walk, pass him his walking cane while he gets that person out of his already worn out brain, miserable and numb, Bob’s running from a ghost. You can be haunted by memories, they’ll eat you like flies from the inside out. There’s a certain kind of people that can take over you and it’s not them to be blamed personally but they turn into the master puppeteers of your mind, they can literally break you. Worship another human being and you will find that there is no way that this person will ever be satisfied (Mea Culpa), idols are not to be worshipped.

All my loyal and my much-loved companions They approve of me and share my code I practice a faith that’s been long abandoned Ain’t no altars on this long and lonesome road Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ My mule is sick, my horse is blind Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Thinkin’ 'bout that gal I left behind

Bobby’s got people that comprehend and understand the feeling, the code of life that must be respected and shared like pirates on a ship or outlaws and renegades in a Texan desert. Faith has no altars, as a matter of fact, there is no need for any altars. ‘’I never turned aside, he said, I never walked away. It was you who built the temple, it was you who covered up my face’’ L. Cohen.

Faith is an act of trust and acceptance to a power unknown, that power does not reside in the altar but again, in the feeling that led to the construction of that altar. God is all around and beyond, we are part of it. Like the vessels that run in our veins, we are the vessels of God. The only place where one might truly worship is again, inside and through the actions undertaken to show proof of that faith, that it is practiced. It lies dormant to plain eyes but is wide awake under the microscope. Go to a place of worship and you might find like-minded people, but it won’t follow you around and go wherever you go, you can only carry faith with you, you can only carry yourself with you. God is synonymous with life. God is synonymous with all things since, from my view, we are inside of it and each one of us carries the spark to live well and according to the code, the laws of nature.

Anyway, Bob’s companions turned out to be a mule and a horse. Jokes.  But the heart still burns,  still yearns and the person in his miserable brain is probably an ex lover.

Well, it’s bright in the heavens and the wheels are flyin’ Fame and honor never seem to fade The fire gone out but the light is never dyin’ Who says I can’t get heavenly aid? Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Carryin’ a dead man’s shield Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Walkin’ with a toothache in my heel

The apocalyptic picture of bright heavens and wheels flying remind me of the coming of judgement day, I can only picture the wheels as the wheel of fortune that hangs above every individual, all things have lost their sense and everything is going in every direction offering no sense of orientation. I know I’m going too far there, it’s probably a plain picture.

The fire’s gone out, life has been sucked out of him, there is nothing left but a flickering light, the flames that drives life into activity, into the hope to change things for the better are gone. There is nothing left but a sense of holding onto the light, however small it might be, Bob does not lose hope or beat himself up, he’s gonna hold onto it until the time comes but whatever happens, the preservation of that light is most important. You can be left empty in this world, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t carry on when all lust for living has been swept away, there is light, there is hope. Heavenly aid we can get.

Still walkin’, still not talkin’, he picked up a dead man’s shield and is the dead man his dad ? He mentions avenging his father’s death in some verses before. Make peace with the ogre and your DNA will serve to continue a purpose that flows in your vains.

The sufferin’ is unending Every nook and cranny has its tears I’m not playing, I’m not pretending I’m not nursin’ any superfluous fears Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Walkin’ ever since the other night Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ Walkin’ 'til I’m clean out of sight

Bob’s sight is distorted, there’s no ending to the suffering, everywhere there is suffering and that’s the truth. I keep thinking that when it comes to the superfluous fears bit, he makes allusions to the evil spirit and the heavenly aid, those things are no joke and I mean no joke. Our perception is limited but we can switch consciousness with hallucinogenics, seeing things that are not therein our natural sight. DMT seems to lead very much into that. Ayahuasca does show you a world of entities that you cannot see in this realm, different worlds in one. Look into Shamanism. ‘’Shall any gazer see with mortal eyes or any searcher know by mortal mind; veil after veil will lift but there must be veil upon veil behind’’ Edwin Arnold.

‘‘Walkin’ til I’m clean out of sight’‘ - Bob’s my soul companion, love you Bob.

As I walked out in the mystic garden On a hot summer day, a hot summer lawn Excuse me, ma'am, I beg your pardon There’s no one here, the gardener is gone Ain’t talkin’, just walkin’ Up the road, around the bend Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ In the last outback at the world’s end

There’s someone else in the garden now, she’s looking for the gardener but he’s gone, there’s no one left. All’s left to itself. All the way Bob goes into infinity, in the last outback, drifting into whatever the horizon has to propose, he’ll forever walk aimlessly only preserving the flickering light which serves as the only redemption in a world filled with anguish and self indulgence. Or, this is where it relatesback to the beginning, Bob’s on a hot summer lawn, on a hot summer day, a woman comes up to him and ask him where the gardener is. Bob responds that the gardener is gone. This is in the physical world but Bob responds to her with a double meaning. All of this happened to him in a small moment in time while he was taking a journey within himself which involved the social realm. I love it. Meanwhile, because no one on earth will ever know what just went on inside or even comprehend what he saw or even what he sees or feels, he carries this realm within himself to the end. No one believes dreamers even when they’re not dreaming.