#and Adam *was* having fun but it’s a lot harder to do that when michael is literally radiating sadness

[quietwingsinthesky]

If I keep making that joke about Michael eventually my brain might compel me to write something about it and I don’t know how I feel about that

[twost3ps]

Mike had longish, wild hair in Eden time o3o

Another style study lol

Vacation is almost over and ill get to those asks amen 🙏 and sorry 😣

Some ramblings under the cut ^^

I like to believe that pre fall, Michael was actually a very happy individual. He smiled a lot and was honestly pretty charming, maybe not as much as some of his other siblings but he was a lot like the charming prince in fairy tales- daring and wild, but still followed the rules and was overall a good person. Lived up to that great prince title. Why Micheal is more carefree is because evil is nonexistent. Leading heavens army is more like tactical play fighting because concepts of hate, anger and war are yet to exist. There is no evil to fight. His opinion of Eden is a pet project, so his care for it is minimal, pre meeting Adam, and isn’t really involved in it as much has he is involved in other heavenly matters. He’s got responsibilities but all is right and just for him not to worry much.

Lucifer in heaven was more of the gloomy and reserved one. At first, he’s like Micheal, but with rejections of his ideas, he feels more shut in. With each rejected idea, it becomes harder to be cheerful. He just can’t fit into the mold like his siblings can. Michael does try and console him, but there are just things his twin doesn’t understand. His escape is Eden, where judging eyes aren’t on him for his failures.

In general, all the twins really shared was their face, but even then it was easy to tell them apart.

Post fall, their personalities shifted as they tried to cope- now with more responsibilities Micheal became more serious and stoic, putting on a brave face. Lucifer, having fallen without any restraints on his creativity, copes through his creation and trying to have fun and joy in his life- he lets lose.

In a sense they have a sort of personality swap.

When Lucifer falls, and Michael gets unstuck from a bitter and sat rut, he cuts his hair and combs it back to be like Lucifer’s. It’s like a final act of love and a sign he still thinks of his brother. That there is a part that still cares.

As for Micheal and Adam in Eden, well they’re two homies about to kiss LMAO.

Adam likes to listen to Micheal talk about training and fighting because it’s unknown to him. There is no need for such things because he doesn’t have to do it in Eden. It’s part of the reason Micheal plays down his skills when Adam praises him, for what use is fighting or judgment when all was supposedly fair and equal? The other part is that it was his intended purpose. It would just come naturally to him. Why be impressed over something that was intended to happen? Adam still sees it as impressive. He says something along the lines of ‘the birds here were made to fly, were they not? But it’s still impressive that they can. They have the ability most other animals don’t, just like you’ something corny as he says it with that Eden glow and naivety. It makes Micheal giddy though. He def punched the shit out of some soldiers by accident, dazed at the praise

Lot of sloppy writing with loop holes pls forgive me lol

[jumptheshark]

Ghoul’s fingers were surprisingly dexterous. Maybe over two decades of carefully scavenging around delicate organs and lockpicking did that to you. Who knows.

Those dexterous fingers moved through Adam’s hair now, separating strands into three parts and carefully weaving them together in a well-practiced manner.

“We didn’t have much to do in the crypt,” he explained when Adam asked. “My sister and I were all alone down there, and personal hygiene was tough. Braiding hair was an easy way to pass the time and keep hair back. Plenty of the bodies had memories of braiding hair to learn from. The best was when we ate this old woman who used to be a hairstylist; we got so many ideas from her.” And although gruesome and slightly tragic in origin, Adam could not deny that Ghoul’s braiding skills were admittedly pretty cool.

His hair was relatively short, but from the long strands near his temples, Ghoul was able to draw a braid to his ear and pin it in place. After he finished that piece, he worked on pulling back another strand on the other side.

Adam, meanwhile, was slowly but surely making progress on Michael’s hair. His was just as long as Adam’s, of course, but Adam was far less experienced at braiding and each attempt either ended in a knot or some brutal hair pulling. Not that Michael seemed to mind very much as he hummed contently from the feeling of his hair being played with.

“Did you ever have super long hair back then? Like the kind you could really braid?” Adam asked Ghoul, who had finished the second braid and was now moving on to swiftly braiding and un-braiding the short strands of hair at the back of his head.

“Sure, lots of times. Most of the people were old and had short hair, but every now and then we found someone with a full head of it. It was annoying to eat around, but fun to play with.”

“So you were a girl sometimes?” Adam asked, curious.

“I mean, physically yeah, of course. We ate whoever we could get our hands on. But if you’re talking about whether I was a girl, then I’d tell you it doesn’t really matter to us. I call my sister “sister” and she calls me “brother” for convenience, but I don’t know. Ghouls don’t really do gender.”

“Really?” Adam tried to turn to face him, but Ghoul stopped him with a gentle hand so he could continue his braid.

“Yes, really.”

“Angels are like that too,” Michael chips in, to Adam’s further bewilderment.

“So neither of you are dudes?”

“I’m a dude,” Ghoul laughs. “I don’t know about him, though. He doesn’t seem very dude-like. Maybe more of a princess.”

Adam snickers, and Michael frowns.

“You aren’t a dude, you’re an abomi-” Adam’s hand slides from Michael’s hair to his mouth before he can get to the end of his sentence.

“Hey! Keep it civil.” Michael frowns harder under his palm and Adam can already feel a snarky response from Ghoul coming, so he changes the subject.

“So, it really doesn’t matter what kind of body you have, Ghoul?” When Michael makes no further protests, Adam deems it safe to remove his hand and continues to try and fail at braiding his hair.

“Nah, not really. I mean, I hated being old people or, like, kids. We only ate kids when we had to.”

“Oh, I’m sorry-”

“But I think I like being you the best!” Ghoul leans forward so Adam can see the smirk on his face, and Adam makes sure Ghoul can see the flat look on his.

[luminnara]

As I promised, 💛 anon is here to write about reader and her brood of boys dancing.

They have a nice house thanks to stevie being an absolutely amazing boyfriend and the first purchase that paul made after he recieved wages from his first job at Steve's video store/cafe was a record player (or maybe a CD player, depends on the time)

Paul gets a lot of records and cds for Christmas and birthdays, and the reader and the boy brood all have one MASSIVE collection on a bookshelf in their living room.

Lots of Bon Jovi, ABBA, Blondie, Beatles, Metallica, Queen, Duran Duran, Billy Idol, R.E.M, Guns N' Roses, Tears For Fears, Aerosmith, Ths Bangles, David Bowie, Kiss, Adam And the Ants, George Michael, Kate Bush, Kim Wilde, Bonnie Tyler, The Who, Sex Pistols, etc etc

So of a night time they will have dance parties. Usually, itll start with a VERY drunk or high Marko and Paul. Like they're vibing, probably making out at the same time, just having fun. Theyll drag reader in, who's not as high but they're up for it and they're all jumping around, Marko is doing air guitar, paul is sliding around on the floor and jumping over furniture. Steve is the next to go, maybe because reader just jumped directly onto him and paul was messing with his hair, he is like the responsible one but hes down for some fun, especially when hes high.

Billy is harder to convince but hes drunk as shit so he will inevitably be a bit more loose after one of the three wild children (marko, reader, paul) just well, grinds on him essentially. He loosens up a bit, theres some good music and some cheap alcohol and weed, hes up to dance.

David and dwayne, ESPECIALLY david, that's gonna take some convincing. David has to be the grown up, and was so under max's thumb for so long, plus I imagine him being turned in the early 60s or late 50s (and hes about 22 I think) so the time he grew up, he couldnt be VULNERABLE and dance around like an idiot.

Well he can because as the months go on and he sees how happy everyone is, reader and the Hawkins boys have brought something out of his boys (even Dwayne, who has taken to joining in on certain songs and performing very elaborate lifts and steps he has no clue where he learnt them from), so after a while, david will join in. He feels comfortable.

And so in the night time, music echoes from that house as they all dance around the living room, enjoying each others company :)

End Scene

WJAT THIS IS SO SWEET THOOOOOO

Healing the boys through the power of MUSIC

I also love the image of Christmas with the boys. Paul wearing a Santa hat. Chef’s kiss

[honeytae]

Bublé would be so offended right now.

hi my loves! so this is a christmas piece since the holiday is only a few days away and, idk, i guess i just felt like doing something christmas-y while i could. it’s basically just some very soft joonie content, wrapping presents and singing and...yeah. a dream. anyways, merry christmas to all of you who celebrate!!

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

“Babe, where’d you put the tape?” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, sitting up on your knees and placing your hands on the soft carpet, slowly crawling in search of the roll.

“Huh?” Namjoon poked his head out the doorway of the kitchen, a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass clutched in the other. 

You smiled at the man’s appearance, bare skin glowing and comfortably dressed in his favorite pajama set as he lifted his forearm to his forehead to swipe strands of dark hair away from his eyes.

“I can’t find the tape.” You repeated, Namjoon frowning in confusion before trading the glass off to tuck underneath his opposite arm, hand patting his pocket and slipping in to produce the small item with a triumphant smile.

“Why-”

“I don’t even know.” He cut you off with a small grin, both of you giggling as you stood to walk toward his outstretched arm, hand reached toward your approaching frame. 

Slipping the piece of plastic between your fingers, he brushed his appendages against your own, making you smile at the subtle action as your hand went up to cup his face.

His golden skin was glowing underneath the lights from your Christmas tree, his dark eyes sparkling down at you as he shyly watched you fawn over him.

His cheeks were a soft hue of pink, the hot skin evident of the alcohol he’d consumed while sitting by the fire with you for the last few hours. 

“Your cheeks are all flushed. You’re so cute.” You cooed at him, Namjoon’s cheeks darkening even more at your words as a bashful smile curled his lips up, hand coming up to hide it while he tried to recover from your compliment.

“I don’t know how you’re not used to me calling you cute by now. I do it every day, baby.” You chuckled, Namjoon scoffing as he leaned his forehead against yours. 

“You still give me all the butterflies.” He mumbled against your lips with a soft grin, connecting your lips in a swift kiss before wrinkling his nose against the tip of your own.

“Good. That’s my job.” You ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead and smiling at the soft satisfied sigh coming from him at the action. 

“Are we almost done wrapping?” He inquired softly, you humming positively as you slightly turned back to glance at the large stack of wrapped presents for your combined families. 

“We’re getting there. It’s getting late, though, so we can take a break and do the rest tomorrow if you’re getting tired.” You proposed, Namjoon briefly pondering the idea before shaking his head. 

“We only have a couple left, may as well get it done tonight. I was on my way to pour more wine, anyway.” He gestured to the glass he’d shifted back to his hand, you nodding and meeting his plump bottom lip with a soft peck before backing away to return to the work in the living room once again. 

Watching you walk away in an oversized sweatshirt and one of his many pairs of gray sweatpants, the apples of his cheeks strained with his happy smile, reluctantly dragging his eyes away from you to turn back into the kitchen to retrieve the wine glass you'd been sipping from earlier. 

“Do you want more, babe?” He called out, his eyes focused on the ceiling as he waited for an answer from you. 

“Is that even a question?” You responded, smiling at the sound of your boyfriend laughing from behind you as you retreated to the living room.

Noticing that the fire had dimmed, you cursed as you stumbled over the roll of wrapping paper you’d conveniently placed in the middle of the carpet, luckily catching yourself before you fell flat on your face. 

Quickly recovering, you approached the fireplace, grabbing ahold of the iron poker previously leaned against the wall to adjust the burning logs, nodding in satisfaction when you successfully reignited the flame.

“Oh, bub, I could’ve done that.” Namjoon pouted from behind you, already feeling guilty about you taking over the present wrapping duties as he had made all his presents resemble lumpy sacks of coal earlier in the afternoon from his lack of experience. 

“You think I’d trust you with fire?” You asked incredulously, proud of the reaction you got as he let out a “hmph” of disapproval. 

“Ouch.” He put his hand over his heart, a small smirk on his face as he shook his head at your teasing. 

“Only kidding, baby. But, my mission is to keep this house standing.” You shrugged, Namjoon pursing his lips with an eventual nod as he bent his knees to land on the ground, groaning in the process.

“Mission successful, then.” He sat down beside you, crossing his legs underneath him as he handed a glass over to you with a sigh. 

“I like our tree this year.” Namjoon observed as his eyes focused on the garland looped around the tall pine, his eyes sparkling with the reflection of the lights lining the branches.

“Hm. Me, too.” You glanced back over at him, lifting your wine glass to your lips and swallowing the tart liquid as Namjoon hummed in thought. 

“It was so much fun.” He grinned, looking back at you as you scooted closer to him so that your shoulders nudged against each other.

You both smiled at the memory of Namjoon lifting you onto his shoulders so that you could better reach the top of the tree, adamant that you be the one to put the star on despite him having the height to easily do so himself. 

It was the first time in years that both of your lives were slow enough to be together through all the festivities of the holidays, and it felt amazing to finally be able to take in all of the moments of it together instead of only a few before one of you had to take off for a work commitment.

Doing even the simplest things with Namjoon throughout the traditions in the month made your heart happy; something that made you even more aware of just how much the man meant to you.

Spreading your legs out in front of you as you set your wine glass down onto the floor, careful to place it out of the way so that it couldn’t get kicked over onto the rug, you pulled a package between your legs, grabbing a roll of wrapping paper to continue hiding the presents from view.

Tasking your boyfriend with curling the ribbons on the presents you’d successfully wrapped, the two of you worked in silence other than soft humming from your throats and the crackling of the fire; occasional mishaps with one of the name tags making you both giggle.

“We need to get more in the mood.” Namjoon spoke up, discarding the scissors in his hand with a toss to the ground as he reached over for your phone. 

Swiping up to unlock it, he eagerly navigated to your music library, switching onto a holiday playlist and smiling at you as the first notes of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” began pouring out through your speakers. 

Having figured out that your boyfriend wasn’t too great at wrapping presents earlier in the evening, (for god sake, the man couldn’t stop ripping the paper), he’d happily let you take over, opting to watch as you properly folded the paper over the various packages bought for your family.

That pattern continued now as you sat with him, his long legs spread on either side of your body, arms locked around your torso as his chin rested on your shoulder, lightly swaying you both to the music. 

His eyes peeked over your shoulder, first to watch what your hands were doing, but gradually shifting to watch your face as you bit your lip in concentration. 

You giggled slightly at the tickle of his breaths puffing out from his nose onto your neck, Namjoon chuckling before leaning back a bit to relieve you of the feeling. 

You felt incredibly at peace as the sound of Michael Buble’s honeyed voice came from the speakers, the man behind you quiet as he mindlessly played with your hair before you heard a dramatic inhale from his chest, causing you to raise your eyebrows in curiosity at the sound.

You snorted as Namjoon began singing horribly off-key to the Christmas tune, covering your mouth with your palm as you leaned forward to double over in your laughter. 

“And the thing that'll make 'em ring is the carol that you sing,” His voice cracked on the last word, making you laugh even harder as you clutched your pained stomach. 

“What? What’s so funny?” He asked, feigning confusion as he lightly laughed along with you. 

“Bublé would be so offended right now.” You sighed as you wiped tears from your cheeks, giggles still escaping as they bubbled up in your throat.

Pushing the remaining unwrapped gifts away from your legs in defeat, you stretched your back out to lay your head down on Namjoon’s thighs as he continued to exaggerate his vocals for your benefit. 

You continued giggling as he held notes longer than necessary, his voice wavering and breath running out as he definitely wasn’t using the right placement to do so. 

As the instrumentals faded out and the next song began, he looked down at you, the smile on your face making his heart flutter.

“What is it, hm? You don’t like my holiday spirit?” He asked teasingly, classic dimpled grin beaming down at you as the paths of tears down your cheeks were illuminated by the firelight glowing over you. 

He gently caressed the wetness of your cheeks with his thumbs, pad of his finger swiping the soft skin underneath your eye as you hummed in reply.

“Mm, maybe you should stick to pouring the wine.” You bit back a smile as Namjoon’s smiling face turned into one of offense, scrunching his nose up to further emphasize his dislike of what you’d just said. 

“Wow, someone’s getting a lump of coal.” He muttered, feigned annoyance on his face breaking with the smile your laugh gave him once again. 

“And someone’s getting mintcho in their stocking.” You returned, Namjoon’s face twisting in a disgusted grimace as you smirked at his never-ending hatred of the chocolate.

“Santa would never do that to me. He loves me.” He smiled, you giggling with a nod as you stared up at the man, eyes tracing his features as he did the same to you. 

”You are very lovable, Joon.” You agreed with a poke of your pointer finger to his dimple, features scrunching at the sudden touch as a small smile graced his face. 

“I love you.” He said softly, brushing your hair back with his fingers and making you hum in appreciation. 

“Oh? Am I lovable, too, then?” You teased him, Joon ducking his head in laughter before lifting it to look at you again.

“The most lovable.” He confirmed with a nod, both of you smiling as you leaned into each other, lips joining in a tender kiss as the fire crackled beside you.

[soundsof71]

FIVE ALBUMS YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!

aka, My Top 5 of 2020, but I didn’t want to seem too retro!

Yep, I have a classic rock blog. Yep, I think that the best rock and roll in history is being made RIGHT NOW. And yep, ALL of it is being made by women. 

(Shown at top, Nova Twins by Ant Adams [x] and The Tissues by Michael Espleta [x]. I was planning to make a collage of all my faves in concert, but  not all of them were able to play in 2020. Both of these photos are pre-pandemic.)

There’s been quite a bit of movement on this list, and all five of these have spent some time at Number 1 as the year has done (gestures broadly) All This™. Anyone looking for rock and roll is going to dig any of these. 

Rocking out is just the start of it, though. Wrestling with my bipolarity and schizophrenia is tough on a good day, and there haven’t been too many of those lately. The plague has also taken its toll around me, with two family members dead and a third who’s doing better, but will likely never be all the way back. (Mask up, kids!)

I’ve written plenty about how deeply Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers have moved me this year (and will do so again), but in those rare stretches where I’ve had enough spare energy to listen to music at all these days, I’ve mostly been looking for more than beautiful music. Heavy times need heavy lifting, and I find that in heavy music. 

The five albums here have all helped carry me, pointing the way toward light.

1) BULLY, SUGAREGG

Alicia Bognanno is a force of nature as a guitarist, vocalist, composer, and producer/engineer. (While working on her degree in audio engineering at MTSU, she interned with Steve Albini, who remains both a fan and an admirer). A Nashville transplant from Minnesota, she’s still a natural fit in her home on Sub Pop: as heavy as Soundgarden, as hooky as Sleater-Kinney. 

I was blown away hearing her searing honesty while working through her discoveries of her bisexuality and bipolarity (double bi!), and her triumphant roar lifts me out of my seat every time I listen.

“She sings the hell out of [these songs], her voice fraying to the point of combustion every time she launches to the top of her range. This is phenomenal music for converting anger and anxiety into unbound joy.” ~Stereogum, Album of the Week

Also, check this fantastic interview with Alicia in the New York Times talking about what she’s gone through to get here. 

TURN IT UP!

2) GANSER, LOOK AT THAT SKY

Ganser syndrome is a rare dissociative disorder characterized by nonsensical or wrong answers to questions and other dissociative symptoms such as fugue, amnesia or conversion disorder, often with visual pseudohallucinations and a decreased state of consciousness. ~Wikipedia #it me

‘Just Look At That Sky’ doesn’t presume to offer solutions; it’s an honest document of what it feels like to wade through anxiety, day by day, not a survival guide or handbook of answers none of us actually have. Whether or not you pay attention to this, Ganser are simply one of the most invigorating, exciting new bands. ~Clashmusic

I saw one very positive review compare Ganser to a cross between Fugazi and Sonic Youth, but I think they hit much, much harder than either of those. And as you can surely guess, I also deeply relate to their themes of mental illness and dissociation while trying to make it through All This™. But my god, are they TIGHT. This is a BAND.

Ganser has two fantastic lead vocalists, and on “Bad Form”, bassist/vocalist Alicia Gaines wrote the song for the voice of keyboardist/vocalist Nadia Garofolo. Alicia also wrote a FANTASTIC essay on the strains that making an album during a pandemic puts on the mental health of the entire band at talkhouse: “Writing, recording, reaching out, balancing relationships outside and within the band, I found (and still find) myself under-rested and agitated to no particular end. More than not doing enough, I was not enough.” 

(If you can’t relate to that, I can’t relate to you, tbh.)

This video also does a fantastic job of showing dissociation. TURN IT UP!

3) THE TISSUES, BLUE FILM

“Blue Film” is a ten-song shot of dagger-twisting electro-(s)punk. It’s completely addictive from the very first listen. The tour de force is “Rear Window”, an art-punk masterpiece of slashing guitars and mad caterwauling. Copious doses of jaunty poetics and social commentary reward the earlooker patient enough to untangle Kristine Nevrose’s hysterical meowing about intergalactic salt shakers and hysterectomies, but I’m too emotionally invested to look under the hood.” ~ Sputnik Music

“Rear Window” is in fact my most-played 2020 track. TURN IT UP!

4) GUM COUNTRY, SOMEWHERE

It’s not all heavy! But even when I’m looking for something light and hooky, I need a bite, and Gum Country has done it with the kind of swirly, feeedback-laden wall of sound that Lush or Yo La Tengo would make if they lived in LA. (Recent transplants to SoCal from Vancouver, I do think that the sunshine has gone straight to their heads, in the very best way.)

Indie music nerds will know guitarist/composer/singer/front woman Courtney Garvin from The Courtneys, and she really does throw up a glorious wall of sound. I adore this video too! Sweet, swinging, fun -- and yes, the drummer is playing keyboard with one hand while slapping the skins with the other! 

I mentioned earlier that all five of these albums have spent part of the year at #1 on my list -- I think that this one might have spent the longest stretch there. Like all shoegaze, even as hooky as this, the truth of these songs is revealed in VOLUME. TURN IT UP!

5) NOVA TWINS, WHO ARE THE GIRLS?

Now, THIS is heavy! Amy Lee (vocals, guitar) and Georgia South (bass) are fucking LOUD, and insanely intense. A mix of grime, hip-hop, metal, punk, and good old rock and roll, they’re a harder-hitting, more theatrical Prodigy, with a pyre of intensity that recalls the heaviest howls of Rage Against The Machine. Indeed, Nova Twins spent a good bit of 2019 playing heavy metal festivals and toured as openers for Prophets of Rage. (Tom Morello has been a fan and supporter from the beginning.)

As you may have noted in the photo at the top of this post, their musical audacity extends to visuals too: they design their own clothes, hair, and makeup, they art direct their own videos, and more. They impress the hell out of me, and I’ve been a huge fan since hearing their first singles in 2018. I’ll plant a flag and say that Georgia South in particular is the most innovative musician on any instrument in any genre right now, but they’re both absolutely monsters. 

I’m honestly not at all sure that #5 is high enough for this, but I’m absolutely certain that after this video, you’re gonna need to rest for a little. LOL

“Taxi” is the story of two gleefully and creatively violent women shaking up the local crime syndicate as they use a vintage cab for their moving murder scene. This is the movie that Robert Rodriguez wishes he was making with Sin City, if it were combined with Blade Runner and The Matrix. And gangsters. And a snake.

I’m gonna take your crown I’m gonna, I’m gonna bleed you out We demand it by the hour We devour, control, power

I’m gonna burn it down Even the, even the royals bow

So not the same kind of therapeutic work being explored on this rekkid, but you know what? Fucking shit up is therapeutic too! 

Definitely take this full screen, and for the love of fuck, TURN IT UP!

SO. Not done with the best of 2020 yet? I’m sure not! A lot of my favorite songs aren’t on albums (at least not yet), so for an unedited list of everything I’m finding, check out my Spotify list, 2020: Shuffle This List! 268 songs and counting, over 15 hours, and not finished yet. I’m still checking out everyone else’s Best of lists (including yours! Message me links to yours!!!), so will probably be adding to this for most of 2021, too. 

And for more banging tracks by women from 2020, plus a few 2019 gems that I’m still grooving to, check out my more thoroughly curated Spotify playlist Women Bangers: A Tumblr New Classics Jam. (You’ll see a couple of these tracks there!) I’m working on a YouTube playlist and an essay to properly roll that one out. I’m also still tweaking the ending, but the three dozen or so tunes there are definitely bangin’.

Tell me if you hear anything you dig here, and tell me what YOU’VE found! We’re gonna get through this together.

Yr pal, Timmy

[cherrycocaineee]

4. Park Jimin - Cafe Date

    Sandalwood and bonfire candles burned throughout the house drifted through the open door blanketing my nose while I was hanging up some fake spider webs. Marshall was carrying the bundle of webs in his arms while I weaved them in the corners. Mom came out with a tray with two glasses filled with eggnog; a large smile appeared on her face when she saw how much we’ve done in a short period of time.

  “This is beautiful. You kids did such a great job!” She praised.

 “Mom,” Marshall said, “we aren’t kids. I’m literally twenty-two, and Brielle is nineteen.”

  “You’ll always be kids to me.”

Marshall and I put the decorations down to enjoy the nice, sweet, holiday drink that our mom had brought out to us. While I took small sips, Marshall gulped it down in a single swift motion.

  A black Porsche pulled into our driveway, coming to a complete stop inches from our garage door. The windows were tinted, so none of us could see whoever was inside the vehicle, until the door opened and climbed out of they’re seat.

Jimin’s blonde hair and black roots appeared as he lifted himself out of his car, a happy smile on his handsome face.

  “안녕 자기!” (Hi, sweetheart!)

 Excitement ran through my body as I saw and heard my boyfriend, and nearly lunged myself off the porch while running into his open arms. Jimin and I began dating when I was eighteen years old, and it was great but difficult since he was constantly touring and because he lived in South Korea.

  The two of us hugged each other tightly.

 “지민, 한 달 더 있을 줄 몰랐어.” (Jimin, I wasn’t expecting you for a month.)

Neither one of us was great at speaking the opposite language that the other spoke but we still tried. If that didn’t show we loved each other, then I didn’t know what did.

  We pulled away from each other and he pressed a gentle kiss against my temple. Marshall and my mom came off the porch and greeted Jimin. My family enjoyed having my boyfriend around and they treated him like family because of that. From where we stood, I could still smell the candles burning in the house, surprisingly.

  “Jimin, would you like to come in for some eggnog?” Mom asked, her voice sweet and angelic.

 A look of confusion swept against his face before he understood completely what my mom was asking him.

  “Ah ~ no, thank you. I wanted to take Brie out for some, uh,” he made a drinking motion with his hand, “some coffee.”

Of course I was going, but I had to finish putting up the Halloween decorations for my mom. Jimin even offered to help. So for the next forty-five minutes, Jimin and I put the rest of the cobwebs up and even added some yard decorations including skeletons, tombstones, a scary pumpkin, and more webs in the trees along with fake, realistic bats and spiders.

   Taking a step back to view our work, Jimin and I smiled in accomplishment. He turned to me and grabbed my small hand. I tightened my grip. After mom admired our work, Jimin led me to his car, opened the passenger's side, and held my hand as I stepped inside the vehicle. Once he was in the car, he started the ignition, and pulled out of the driveway heading towards a coffee shop a block from my mom’s home.

As Jimin was driving, I looked out the window watching the shopkeepers putting up their simple decorations like jelly stickers and hanging ghosts. Jimin parked the car next to the coffee shop and we scooted out. On the two large windows, there were assortments of those jelly stickers that everyone else had in town. Some were pumpkins, ghosts, bats, black cats, spiders, and more spooky, Halloween characters. Jimin opened the door, the small ring of the bell echoing off the shop’s walls, and gestured me inside.

   Pumpkin spice and freshly grounded coffee pierced our noses as we entered and I inhaled deeply. I loved coffee, I loved the smell of coffee, and I especially loved the aroma during the fall. During this cool season, the smell was more intense and the warmth of it was like a blanket for my nose only. The taste was just as euphoric.

Both of us walked up to the counter, listening to the sound of talkative customers sitting at tables, and looked at the menu. I didn’t really need to look, I always got the same thing every time I came here but Jimin did. I helped him with some of the words he didn’t understand and in the end, we ordered. Jimin got an iced caramel macchiato with extra caramel syrup, and I got a pumpkin spice latte. After the barista handed our drinks, we swiped a booth near the window so there was a nice view of the multicolored leaves falling to the concrete as the wind shook them off their branches.

   I sat across from Jimin, against the window. Jimin smiled at me.

  “How have you been?” He asked, his English better than when we first met, he’d definitely been practicing.

  “I’ve been good,” I said, taking a small sip of my pumpkin coffee, “really good actually. How have you been?”

  “Really tired, but good. I have been practicing my English more since we have been coming to America more often.”

  “I can tell, you’re getting much better.”

Jimin and I took a drink of our beverages before resuming conversation.

  “How are you doing with learning Korean?” He questioned, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed the cool liquid.

I frowned and sighed, “it’s much harder than it looks, if I’m being honest.”

   I reached into my bag, which I had grabbed as we were leaving my mom’s, and pulled out a notebook that I took everywhere with me. Inside the Five Star spiral notebook were all of my Korean lessons. I opened the notebook and laid it out in front of us. Jimin leaned forward.

  “I get really confused on how to pronounce each character,” I muttered.

  “It is okay,” Jimin chirped, “I will help you since I am here.”

We spent some time on the lesson and Jimin taught me how to pronounce a lot in a twenty-five minute time span, but now the two of us were distracted by laughing at stupid things because I had mispronounced one of the characters.

    My laughter died down as my phone buzzed. Jimin leaned back and rested his arm over the back of the seat while sipping on his coffee. I picked my phone up and glanced at it. The name of my group chat popped up on the front screen and I saw that one of my friends was asking about the assignment due for Mr. Michael’s class. I chose not to answer it right now.

  “Important?” Jimin questioned.

 “Just a group chat for school,” I informed, “jealous?”

 He laughed out and it was the most captivating noise I’ve ever heard. Jimin shook his head.

  “Absolutely not,” he giggled some more, “I love and trust you.”

I covered my mouth as a small laugh escaped my own mouth.

   “How is school?” He asked.

  “It’s going great,” I said, “straight A’s. How’s touring?”

   “Oh it is amazing. I love being able to meet Army and be on several talk shows with funny people.”

  I smiled wide, “who’s your favorite talk show host?”

  “Jimmy Fallon and James Cordon. They are my favorite.”

I loved watching the interviews with Jimin and his group members, they always seemed to have so much fun with it. The idea of him traveling all through America and other countries meeting new people and performing new songs for their fans. I loved traveling, so I hoped some day that I would get to travel too, either with Jimin or alone.

   Jimin leaned forward again.

 “I was thinking maybe you can come visit South Korea on your vacation,” he said, “I will pay for the ticket.”

  My brown orbs widened at his words. I was shocked by his invitation because I never thought he would ask me to come visit him in Korea. But what shocked me the most was what he said next.

  “I want you to meet my mom and dad. I already told them about you, they are wanting to meet you too.”

  “Oh Jimin,” I whispered, a few tears escaping my eyes and sliding down my cheek, thanking myself for not wearing any makeup today.

  He grabbed my hand, “사랑해, 브리.” (I love you, Brie.)

  “사랑해요, 지민.” (I love you, Jimin.)

After we finished drinking our coffee, I ordered another to go and we left. Jimin didn’t have to worry about fans seeing him here because the town was so small, so Jimin wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked to the car. It was a subtle romantic gesture, and I loved it.

   Jimin, once again, opened the passenger’s side and helped me in. I thanked him and he leaned down, kissing me on the forehead. On the drive home, Jimin rested his hand on my thigh and we jammed out to crappy music playing on the radio at that time.

Marshall was sitting outside with his friend, Jackson, when Jimin pulled into the driveway. I looked over at Jimin.

  “Do you have somewhere to be, or do you want to come in and watch a movie?”

He took a quick glance at his phone before answering, “I have time. Come on, we can watch a romantic movie.”

  Jimin was always a big flirt, even when I first met him. It was one of the qualities that I loved the most about him. The two of us kissed. His hand touched the side face with his large hand, deepening the kiss and making my heart flutter. When he pulled away, I bit my bottom lip.

  “Come on,” he said, his voice was husky from the kiss, “let’s go inside.”

Nodding, I followed my boyfriend inside the house. My brother and his friend waved at us as we passed. However, we didn’t stop for long to chat, I knew Jimin would be leaving soon and I knew I would be able to see him for months, so I wanted to spend as much time with him alone.

   We decided on an action movie, and cuddled into my bed, entangled into each other’s arms. I looked up at Jimin and felt love and admiration for this man. He was honestly the most amazing man I ever knew. He looked down at me, pressed a single peck on my forehead, and nuzzled closer to me. The sound of his heartbeat thumping against his chest mixed with the sound of the movie playing. I felt at ease and relaxed against him. Everything was perfect.

[real-fanta-sea]

If you're serious about the kiss thing...... You should do trikey with 56? Mikey's getting irritated about all the shit in Trevor's house

yep I’m serious, thanks for the request! It was fun to play with it, especially the part of annoyed Michael :D I used some strong language here, just so you know. 

Ok, here we go *cracks knuckles*

Apart from being an exceptional place to hide from all kinds of law enforcement and pissed off gang bosses, Sandy Shores provides another highly valued quality - it's fucking hot. And not that convenient 'oh look it's the first sunny day of spring' kind of wee warm, but the brutal, penetrative heat of working by deep fryer in McDonald's during summer.

Michael smacked his lips, belched and threw an empty bottle over the battered railing of the front porch. It clanked and landed on dusty ground with a satisfying crunch, and the sun dried it in an instant. He lost count on how many of them he has already downed and disposed of, but drinking didn't help no matter what style he tried. Slow, fast, cold, warm. He tried everything. Except feeling a bit sluggish, there was no effect the lukewarm pisswasser could ever have on him after years of self-taxidermy with whiskey and coke.

The street went gradually silent by the time he finished yet another bottle, shadows grew longer, and the sun grilled him from a slightly different angle. A chatter of people was replaced by an out-of-tune orchestra of crickets and the Eagles blasting from a radio somewhere in the neighbourhood, both flowing through the air with the flavour of barbecue.

Another day successfully wasted Michael thought and shifted on the couch. If only the TV would work, he could have spent it watching movies. Or not, because the tin can ramshackle got so hot during the day he could barely breathe there. Fucking Trevor. If it wasn't for him, he could be sitting by a pool full of ice, eating ice cream and slurping milkshakes from frozen tits. Maybe even pay the girl to ride him, so he didn't have to move a finger. Or better yet, tie Trevor up, throw him into his tailgater, lock him there and make him watch them fuck... But did he really want it? Wouldn’t he be the one who would instantly let him out and have a wild make up sex with him?

An annoyed grunt later, Michael lazily tugged on the hem of his, now very rural looking, tank top and dried his forehead with it. Something deep within knew he shouldn't have used the words Trevor and Fuck in one sentence because it awakened a part of him he should better let sleep. That part that supplied his tipsy brain with vivid images of long limbs locked around him, dark hair all over dirty pillows and amber eyes rolled back, set in a very flushed face... No, nope, it wasn't what he wanted to think about, in fact, he just wanted another beer. Yeah, another beer to make that awkward semi go away. And maybe strip off his top to make that damn heat go away? Yup, that was what he wanted. Aaaand a cigarette. Perfection.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

Michael's half snore was interrupted by a sound of shutting the car door and heavy boots stomping through the cooling dust. A quick glance from the porch told him the Bodhi was back from where it took off in the morning, and there was a tall figure growling near it, shuffling some boxes in the back. For a second, Michael thought he actually moved back in time, because his back was killing him pretty much the same way it did in the morning with the same taste of beer on lips. The only detail that didn't quite match was that his torso was now naked and pearled with sweat, and there was quite a lot of bottles and cans right below the railing.

Slowly and carefully, Michael stood up and stretched like a fat cat after a good afternoon nap. Trevor was still caught up by the truck, which gave M enough time to step a bit closer to the stairs and lean on a post to regain stability while observing the sight right in front of him. Trevor never was the most ripped guy, but the way his arms bulged when he lifted a box made Michael weaker than he would admit, and the way his jeans perked up his ass when he squatted made his mouth dry. Why the hell did he have to wear that black sleeveless top? Michael thought. He knows whenever he does, we end up fucking...

Just as he lip his bit for thinking about T that way, his best friend turned around for the first time since he arrived and locked eyes with Michael. For a brief moment, he looked surprised, even taken aback by that idiotic drunk grin on Michael's face and the way he leaned against the only solid post of the house, but it soon was replaced by pure fury.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

That was actually an excellent question. Or it would be, if Michael knew the answer to it.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You SLUT!!!"

Trevor charged towards him full speed in a split second and made Michael jump a little harder than he thought it would and jammed his lower back against the table, and both M and table cried in pain.

"What the fuck, Trevor! What's your fucking problem... ouch..."

Trevor leapt up the stairs, grabbed one of Michael's wrists and yanked him towards the door he kicked open.

"You fucking whore, YOU are the problem!"

Michael's brain quit the chat altogether and bailed out on him, leaving him staring on Trevor with gaping mouth and slightly raised eyebrows. He stumbled through the door, unable to free himself from Trevor's grip, and when T shut the door and threw him back first on them only to grab his shoulders to keep him still, all he could do was to stare into his fiery eyes.

"What were you thinking, showing off your tits to all our neighbours, huh?"

Michael gulped when Trevor leaned closer. Over the past few weeks, he learned the smell of gasoline and tobacco meant sloppy fucks on the kitchen counter and hungry kisses with bitten lips. That night, it all was topped with a gun powder.

"you dirty bitch, I leave you home alone for one day and when I come back what do I see? A pair of your slutty knockers right in my face."

His hands suddenly decided to fight his stupor, and as he felt Trevor's breath on his neck, he tugged on T's top and hungrily squeezed waist found there. The only answer was a deep purr and wet tip of Trevor's tongue right where his pulse drummed against the fine skin. With a small moan, he yanked Trevor closer and collided their hips, but Trevor was faster and grabbed both his wrists and pinned them against the tin door.

"You horny bitch, did showing off make you hot and wet? Or are you just happy to see me?"

Trevor's anger was gone, now replaced with his usual horniness, as he ground his hips against Michael's to let him know the thought got him hot too. And god that shit-eating grin on his face when he leaned in and bit Michael's lip, but didn't go for a full kiss... That was the point of no return. That fucking tease! Michael trashed under him and actually managed to get both hands freed just to leap forward and literally throw them both trough the bathroom door, for Trevor to land on the toilet bowl.

Michael could barely hear the sound of boxes and bottles clacking, falling to the dirty ground as he straddled Trevor and grabbed his head to steal that kiss he wanted since he saw him outside. Trevor just did his best to balance them both on the tiny bowl and waved his arms around, trying to grab onto something solid. Just as Michael decided to nib on Trevor's lip lightly and open T up for a nice french action, something hit the back of his head with an annoying accuracy. Then it clanked on the ground, followed by choked laughter and sound of plastic rustling. Michael instinctively shot up and stumbled back, massaging the hit place.

"Ouch! T, what the fuck was that?!"

"That was a shower curtain, cupcake... I must have torn it when you tried to flush us both down the bowl..."

"and you won't even say sorry you prick?"

"hmmm, how about showing you how sorry I am?"

Trevor possessed this strange ability to appear out of nowhere and cover M with kisses and hugs. Michael noticed only then how much taller Trevor really was when he was pinned against the shower wall and two hot hands slid past the waist of his jeans, kissing his lower lip too gently for Michael's liking. At first, he went with the flow, burying his fingers to Trevor's stubble and hair on the back of his head just to push him closer. Still, he set his mind to he didn't want it there, slow and gentle with water running down his back, not that night. Michael knew well when he brushes his tongue against Trevor's, pull back and bite his lip, T would not only let out a needy whimper, so unlike his manly growls, but he would also become weak enough to be pushed back to the kitchen where they could have much more fun. What he didn't count with was a nasty crunch under his foot when Trevor stumbled back towards the sink which immediately broke their kiss. A small moan of frustration made Michael more anxious for a moment than he would ever admit.

"What is it, T? Are you ok?"

"Fuck, Michael, you stepped on my laxatives!"

"What?"

"How am I supposed to shit without them?"

"Screw them, you won't need them when I'm done with you tonight."

"Gee how hot..."

But there was no way Michael would let Trevor finish that sentence - all he wanted was to pin him to the kitchen counter, tear those sweatpants apart and fuck him. Now it was him who stomped around, holding Trevor's hand and throwing him to the counter. It took him another second to grab a fist full of his hair and yank Trevor's head backwards to relish absolutely delicious silhouette of his throat with adam's apple bobbing up and down in excitement. Trevor's moans only fired him up further and probed the hardened bud under the black shirt - to a promising whimper and a force pushing him aside to which he willingly succumbed and let a pair of lips suck onto his own so hard he hit his head against a tv stand which cried in pain and fell apart along with the tv.

"Fuck Trevor...."

"Not now, Mikey, don't stop."

Michael felt the telltale twitch under his belly that watered down the pain and gave him enough power to roll over a couple of times, french kissing the fuck out of those perfect full lips, drawing nails to Trevor's now naked back and push his head closer. He almost didn't mind when the radio hit the ground and when Trevor threw him onto the table which made their beer spill on the filthy floor. With Trevor on top, latched onto his nipple and running his hand down to his tightened jeans, nothing could stop him from getting what he wanted. As he tried to kick his jeans off, there was a slight sensation on his foot, but nothing very clear. It could have been a cup or something - when suddenly Trevor bolted upwards, and Michael was forced to open his eyes and look into his horrified face.

"Trevor I swear this isn't funny, what is it this time..."

"Michael, we broke the Impotent Rage..."

"T are you trying to give me blue balls or what?"

"No, but you clearly want my home in shambles! Oh fuck look at that! This was a limited edition with a signature of the original cast!"

Trevor just emotionlessly bolted towards the couch, next to which lay a mass of broken blue plastic that might have been anything in Michael's opinion. And it was in the way of reaching destination orgasm which made him a tiny bit mad. Ok, maybe a lot.

"Pardon me, but it was you who put it to the wrong place! Why did you leave it on the shelf with all this trash? Why don't you just throw all this shit out?"

And with just one swing of the arm, he managed to throw the rest of Trevor's memorabilia to the floor where it shattered comfortably.

"And this whole place is a fucking dump! Have you ever heard about wall-mounted TV or glass shower door? When the fuck will you live somewhere normal? Jesus, what do I have to break to make this place look decent? And that stupid action figure? What's so special about it, anyway?"

He wouldn't regret it if Trevor didn't turn around with puppy eyes and didn't tell him in his hurt voice.

"Because it was a gift from you..."

Michael didn't quite know how he managed to pick Trevor up from the ground, bring him to the bed, plant gentle kisses to every inch of him and whisper he's so so sorry. He didn't even have to, because soon enough, Trevor pulled him closer again, rolled over on top of him and gave him a lesson from Canadian french that left Michael breathless. He just let it happen, running his hands all the way down from the back of Trevor's head, to feeling his stuble, chest hair, hard nipples and his raging boner, and his nails draw new tattoos on Trevor's back first and then drawing his fingers into soft inside of Trevor's tights enjoying the view of T riding him.

"Hey M..."

"Hm?"

Michael lit a cigarette, just relishing the sweaty and sticky afterglow with Trevor pressed close to his side.

"You broke my impotent rage, gimme that..."

And before he could say or do anything, Trevor snatched his last cigarette and inhaled so deep half of it was gone.

"Hey! Give it back!"

"Make me!"

Michael instantly shot up, determined to kiss that grin off Trevor's lips and lept forward only to bang his head against the headboard again. This time, Trevor didn't even try to hold back and let his bubbly laughter echo in Michael's aching head.

"Fuck you and fuck this damn trailer..."

"aww come on porkchop, you did both tonight - unless you are up for the round two?"

"Hmmm... Make me..."

[thishazeleyeddemon]

gelid

gelid, adj - icy, extremely cold.

Adam had not been convinced that their new accord would change anything, but shortly afterwards he was proven wrong.

Commonly, Adam stayed within his own memories, allowing Michael the view of the outside void of the Cage (not that Michael was outside very often, these days. Even before they were on anything approaching good terms, he still was with him frequently. Adam supposed fighting Lucifer had to grow dull). There was a memory of a forest he’d visited on a trip with his mother (a stunningly rare occasion, Adam was fairly sure it was the only time he’d left Windom before college) when he was twelve that he visited frequently; he’d read that greenery was supposed to help stave off insanity in people who had to spend a lot of time in enclosed spaces for one reason or another.

He was also fairly sure it wouldn’t have mattered if Michael hadn’t been there to heal his memories, to patch his broken neurons, but at least here he had the memory of sunlight, even if it had nothing on the real thing.

It was within this memory that he rested when Michael came to find him this time. He was sitting on the memory of the roof of a cabin he’d stayed in, staring up at the false sky. He remembered the sun as bright, but he could stare at this without blinking - was it because it was a memory, or was it not bright enough? Was that the right shade of blue for the sky? He tried not to dwell on these things too much - there wasn’t really a way for him to know, in any case. 

He turned when he felt Michael next to him. Even when Michael was silent, Adam could feel the burning of his presence. “Hey, halo,” he said. He hesitated, before adding, “Wanna sit with me?”

Michael tilted his head in that odd way he had. In the first few years, that question, the nickname (which Adam couldn’t remember when he’d started to use) would have been met with derision. Now, all it provoked was a shrug and a quiet, “I suppose.” Michael rarely talked much, he had learned. He had assumed, at first, that it was simply because Michael didn’t see fit to speak to a human, but it was seeming that the Viceroy of Heaven was just a quiet person. 

Still, Adam heard something off in his voice as Michael sat down next to him, a...stiffness that made him turn his head to look at the archangel. Michael gazed back coolly, but there was something in his face, the set of his shoulders, that seemed wrong. Adam bit his lip. Would it be okay, to ask? Michael was proud, probably even more so than Lucifer. He didn’t think that Michael would hurt him, even when they’d hated each other he’d still only sneered and snarled and left (although that had been enough, being alone-), but he still didn’t know if it was okay. Everything felt so new and uncertain now, their agreement (to really talk, to try and understand, to try and get along so their imprisonment wasn't any harder than it had to be) still so fresh.

Adam swallowed, and took the easy route instead. “Do you want to hear a story?”

At some point they’d started saying that first. Adam wasn’t sure why, they hadn’t bothered back at the start, when they’d been telling each other things (or rather, Adam had told Michael things) in between long silences and biting words simply to pass the time. Neither of them were going to say no, but it still seemed important to say.

Sure enough, Michael leaned back, whatever shadow had been on his face before disappearing under a look of interest. “Sure, kid.”

That was new too, and it made Adam grin, some of his tension dissipating. “Alright, old man. When I was twelve...”

This was a comforting routine. Adam felt himself relax as he went through a story about the trip he’d taken here, the cake his mother had let him order at the place where they’d stayed, the first time he’d been far enough away from a city to see the real night sky and the way the vast shining expanse of it all had stolen his breath away (’it’s easy to not see how big everything is in a little town...I think that was the first time I even understood that a tiny bit.”), the walk they’d taken and the way his head had been filled with the sound of rushing water and the green smell of the forest. 

“How can a smell be green?” Michael asked. The stiffness in his demeanor hadn’t quite fled, but he was giving every indication of enjoying the story. Perhaps someone who hadn’t known him for so long wouldn’t be able to tell, but Adam could see his interest.

 “It’s...” Adam fumbled for an explanation. Before he might have just brushed Michael off with a “Don’t worry about it”, but in truth it was sort of fun to try and explain. “Obviously it isn’t, not really, but I guess...it’s because it wasn’t any specific thing, right? I’m sure you could find all the different plants or whatever -” he nudged Michael lightly “-But it was just because it was all the different smells of the trees and grass and bushes, all together, all those different growing things. Sure, a lot of plants aren’t green, but enough are that it’s kind of how we think about them. So it’s like...saying that it was green...that just means it’s the smell of new things, of stuff growing altogether. Of life - does that make sense?” 

“It does,” Michael allowed. “Or it doesn’t, not really, but I think I understand how it would for you.” His voice was contemplative. “I think...do you want to hear a story?”

“Oh - sure.” It was stupid to feel like something unexpected had happened. Michael had shared stories before, frequently, but it was Adam who had started this off and still often Adam who was the storyteller. Presumably eventually they would run out of stories from Adam, Adam who only had nineteen years of them as opposed to Michael’s untold eons - but they hadn’t yet. Adam settled back, crossing his legs. “Go ahead, halo.”

Michael nodded, shifting so he was sitting cross-legged just like Adam. He was a bit of a copycat in truth, though Adam wasn’t sure if he knew how much. 

Michael had been a terrible storyteller at the start, ironically because he took a more logical approach - to say just what happened. He still did that, but now he tended to add more details - how he had felt, what he had wanted to say but didn’t, what he thought about what had happened. When he let himself, he could even be quite funny, in a very dry sort of way. Adam had grown to enjoy their storytelling more and more as the years (centuries) went on, as it felt more and more like he was talking to Michael and less like he was reading a list of facts online.

 (It fit, though, in a terrible sort of way with the stories Michael told of Heaven - which seemed rife with work reports, and scarce of anyone who would ask Michael his opinion on anything.)

This story was about a star. There was a limit to how much Michael could describe the process of its creation (”I’m not sure a human can fully understand,” and at least his voice was apologetic now and not arrogant), but he did his best, describing the feeling of shaping the energy, the power that radiated out of it, the way the light cut through the darkness like a knife (Michael, Adam had noticed, seemed to like comparing things to weapons). He grew more animated as he spoke, gesturing with his hands like he wanted to paint in the air. 

“Do you want to show me?” Adam asked, before Michael could get into his next sentence.

Michael blinked. “Hm?”

“You know -” Adam waved his hands. “Archangel magic up a picture, or something, I want to see this star too.”

 He was expecting Michael to either comply or brush it off, that or tease him for saying archangel magic, but instead the archangel drew inward, his shoulders stiffening again. “Maybe later,” he said, his voice too tight, too controlled.

Adam frowned. “Okay, sorry but - are you okay?”

He leaned forward. Michael looked away, down at the expanse of fake forest with fake trees that were just green blobs until you looked directly at them. He wore Adam’s face so differently, it was striking. Sure, technically they looked the same - but the graceful way he moved, how he smiled, the way he tilted his head, the way he gestured as he spoke came together to make a picture of a completely different person. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Michael’s face was technically also his. “I’m...I’m fine,” Michael said, his voice tight with concealed strain. 

Adam bit his lip. He didn’t want to press, didn’t want to do anything that could strain their new accord, but...”Halo,” he said, pitching his voice as gentle as he could. “Tell me? Maybe I can help.”

Years and years ago, that would have provoked anger; now, Michael gave him a quiet, pained smile. “I don’t...you don’t have to,” he said carefully. “I can handle it fine, it’s just right now, it’s a little...”

“Halo, you’re the first thing ever made,” Adam said. “You’re the toughest angel there is, I know you can handle it.” He leaned forward, close enough that he could touch Michael. He didn’t - aside from getting pushed around a bit at the start, Michael had never touched him and he had never returned the favor. Not even after their agreement. “Do you want to handle it?”

He wouldn’t push it. Not if Michael didn’t want him to. 

Michael swallowed, looking hesitant. It was a strange look on him, on the eternal soldier. Eventually he shook his head, short and jerkily. “I’m...you know that Lucifer is of ice,” he began.

Adam flinched at the mention of the Adversary. “Sure do,” he muttered. Of the few times he’d been Out, one of them had been when Lucifer had shoved a gigantic spike of ice right through their body. Even without that, the frosty aura of his presence was like standing in Antarctica in midwinter. Although it was nothing compared to the Cage itself -- he looked at Michael, burning Michael, fiery Michael, and thought he felt understanding dawn. “Is it an...elemental thing? The Cage is hurting you because it’s built for Lucifer, not you? Because it’s too cold for you?”

Michael looked genuinely impressed, an expression Adam suspected few had ever seen. “Yes, that’s it. It’s -” He shifted, moving his hands in a way that Adam knew he had learned from him as he tried to figure out what to say. “Energy, life, the fire of creation...these aren’t here,” he said eventually. “It’s...it’s too cold.” He shivered, unconsciously. “It’s too cold.”

Adam nodded. “Sometimes I can still feel the cold around the edges. It’s...” But what words were there, for a space that had never seen any sun? He’s sure without Michael the cold would have driven him mad. “How can I help you?”

“You don’t have to,” Michael said again. “You’re my vessel, it’s my job to protect you. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I know I don’t need to,” Adam snorted, and quietly filed the “it’s my job to protect you” away under ‘interesting’ in his mind. That had not been part of the vessel discussion all those years ago. That was a new sentiment from Michael. Adam wasn’t sure what it meant, yet.

 He looked Michael in those strange, pale eyes and said, “I want to.”

Michael sucked in a breath, a quick, sharp intake of false air. “I...”

Adam smiled, wryly. “I say yes.”

Michael was very still, for a moment. He could be much stiller than Adam was, without all those little residual instincts that said move this way, shift, fidget. Than he smiled, and if it was a little sad, a little sardonic, Adam wouldn’t mention it. “Alright, then.”

 “What do I have to do?”

Michael squirmed. That was the only word for it. It was sort of funny, to see Viceroy Michael looking so uncomfortable. “Can I...you know souls are powerful,” he started, “They have a lot of energy. May I...”

Adam looked up at the false, too-blue sky. When he thought he had mastered himself enough to not do anything stupid, like burst out laughing, he looked back down and held out his arms. “C’mere.”

Michael blinked, going still again. “You don’t know what I was going to say,” he said, a bit petulantly.

 “Was it not going to be, “Let’s cuddle for warmth like we’re in a Christmas-themed romance novel?”

Michael didn’t laugh - Adam hadn’t figured out how to get him to, not yet - but he looked like he wanted to, his smile torn between embarrassed and amused. “Not quite like that, no.” The smile slipped from his face. “Are you sure this is okay?”

Adam tilted his head. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Michael’s mouth twisted. “I don’t...you’re so small,” he said, a bit helplessly. His hands fluttered nervously by his side. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 Adam couldn’t quite hold back a smile at that. His chest felt full of real warmth. “I appreciate that,” he told him. “But I’m not quite as small as that. It would probably be good, actually, humans are supposed to get physical contact from people.”

Michael looked alarmed. “Really? How often?”

Adam tried not to wince. “You’re supposed to get a hug at least eight times a day, ideally twelve.”

There was a pause while they considered the amount of time they had both been down, down in the dark, occupying the same body but refusing to let Grace and soul touch.

“Is it too late,” Michael said eventually. “To apologize again?”

He didn’t say for what. There were a lot of options, after all. 

“Why don’t you give me a hug instead?” Adam offered. He was still sitting cross-legged; he shifted around so he could more easily lean into Michael and held out his arms. “Come here.” Michael shifted forward slowly. Had he ever tried to touch someone before, outside of combat? One of his brothers maybe, at the start of things. So...at minimum, a few billion...oh dear.

 He paused when he was almost within Adam’s grasp and looked at him. Adam put on his most encouraging face and tried to project “this is totally okay and everything is fine” at him. Michael’s barriers between them were up, so he didn’t mind when the archangel made no sign of having heard and just shifted closer, reaching out to pull Adam to him as well.

 As soon as their hands made contact with each other, they both yelped and pulled back, staring at each other with wide eyes.

Adam was the first one to break and laugh. “So, maybe a little more intense than we expected,” he said, grinning.

Adam laughing seemed to relax Michael. “Perhaps we should have guessed,” he said. “It’s been a little while, after all.”

“Oh yeah, just a little while,” Adam agreed. “Try again or stop?”

“Try again.”

It wasn’t that it hurt, of course. It didn’t, although Adam’s underused nerves almost thought it did. It was like sticking a hand in an oven, like his veins were full of lightning and electricity. What of this was from touching an angel’s Grace construct and what was from simply being very, very touch-starved, he didn’t know, although he was sure the few times they’d touched in the first few years it hadn’t been nearly this intense. So maybe it was all him.

Michael seemed to be similarly overwhelmed by the first warmth he’d felt in many, many years. His hands fluttered over Adam’s shoulders, like he didn’t know where to put them, like Adam was almost too hot to touch. So Adam rolled his eyes and leaned his weight on him fully. He wasn’t so breakable as all that.

Michael caught him, easily, and the contact seemed to have worn down their barriers somewhat. Adam felt the angel’s true form shift and writhe on some adjacent plane, and for a moment, the jacket under his fingers felt like feathers. He could hear Michael’s surprise, his high-pitched nervousness, the way what passed for his nerves were singing in comfort at the warmth. It helped him relax, oddly. The knowledge that it wasn’t just him who was out of his depth was welcome. Michael blinked, and Adam knew that he heard that thought and didn’t mind.

 They ended up with Adam half on-top of Michael, Adam's arms around Michael's body and Adam’s head tucked under Michael’s chin. Michael’s hands were still fluttering, trying to figure out where was okay to hold.

“You live in my body, halo, you’re technically touching all of me already,” Adam grumbled. It takes effort to focus enough to make that sentence, when he wants to just sink into the warmth and close his eyes. He felt like a man who’d been given water after years in the desert. He wasn’t sure he was ever going to let go.

“It’s your soul, though,” Michael argued, because of course he did. The nervous whine even faded when he did - Michael liked to argue.

“Hugs work better if you actually grab me.”

That worked. Michael huffed, but he eventually settled on one hand on Adam’s shoulder and the other on his back, like a brand through his shirt. “You’re so warm,” he marveled.

 “Haven’t you touched the souls of other people you’ve possessed?” Adam pointed out. Michael's tone made his face feel warm. “I can’t be that unusual.” 

“No, it...” Michael huffed. “It seemed weird. I didn’t touch them.”

“Hm, fair enough,” Adam allowed. “You are still very much touching me - my body is me - but fair enough. Is this helping? Because I don’t mind getting up if you want, but I may not ever if you don’t mind.” 

Michael still doesn’t laugh, but the huff he made this time had the shape of one. “Our beings can still touch without these extensions needing to,” he said. “Technically we don’t have to stop.”

“Fine. You wanna try for the world’s longest hug or something?” He looked up at Michael and grinned. Michael smiled back. He seemed calmer, now that the chill had receded. Adam could feel him shifting his wings, just like a man shaking his hands to try and get the circulation going.

“I don’t have blood,” Michael reminded him. “And sure. Because of the cold.”

“Because of the cold,” Adam echoed, and carefully did not wonder why, if their bodies didn’t need to touch for their beings to, if Michael didn’t actually need to hold him, why the Archangel Michael, Viceroy of Heaven, wanted to hold him at all.

Fin.

[colin-therightstuff]

The Right Stuff's Colin O'Donoghue Talks Gordo's Marital Lie, Going From Pirate to Astronaut to... Jedi?

Colin O’Donoghue‘s first major series gig after wrapping Once Upon a Time couldn’t be more different than the roguish pirate Captain Hook that he brought to life for six seasons.

Going from the fairytale character to taking on The Right Stuff‘s Gordon “Gordo” Cooper was an “opportunity to play somebody who was a real person and was a test pilot and then went on to be an astronaut,” O’Donoghue enthuses to TVLine, “and he’s got quite some clout. Just the idea of getting to play somebody like that was a dream for me.”

Below, the actor talks about shedding his accent to portray Gordo and his character’s “complicated” marriage to wife Trudy (Chicago Fire‘s Eloise Mumford), which is tested by a woman from his past in this Friday’s episode of the Disney+ drama. O’Donoghue also reveals his next dream role (hint: it’s Star Wars-related).

TVLINE | What excited you about this particular project and playing an astronaut? I had a meeting with [executive producers] Jennifer Davisson and Michael Hampton, actually, years ago. I think it’s three or four years ago now. I was doing a show called Once Upon a Time at the time, and they gave me the book The Right Stuff. It hadn’t been developed or anything at that point, but I read the book, and I remember thinking, “Right, well, this is something that I’d really want to pursue if I was no longer doing Once Upon a Time,” and then I got the script for The Right Stuff. I think it’s the best pilot script I’ve ever read. So I was desperate to play the part. The way it transpired was I knew somebody else had been offered the role, and they had to pull out, unfortunately for them. So it was all very last-minute, me coming in, doing it, but it felt almost serendipitous.

TVLINE | I did watch Once Upon a Time, so when I queued up The Right Stuff, I was thrown for a second. I was like, “Wait, is this really Colin?!” [Laughs]

TVLINE | How difficult was it to master the accent? I kind of got it pretty quickly. Howard [Samuelsohn], the sort of voice coach/acting coach, was excellent. But I had very little time to prepare. I had maybe three or four days before I started shooting. Luckily, I had played a Southern character not long before that in kind of a Western Dolly Parton thing that I’d done. I knew how to do the accent. Gordo was from Oklahoma, and he had a very specific way of speaking. I did a mixture of sort of the two… I just love doing accents, full stop, anyway. I find it very difficult to act in my own voice.

TVLINE | I saw that episode of Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings. That was a really good episode. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I mean, how can you say no to Dolly Parton? She’s an incredible woman.

TVLINE | I feel like you’ve now gotten to live out all the typical American young boy fantasies. You’ve gotten to play a cowboy and an astronaut. I know, yeah, a cowboy, pirate, and an astronaut and a test pilot. So the only thing that’s left, I guess, is to be a Jedi.

TVLINE | There’s always The Mandalorian. You are in the Disney family. Yeah. I have two shows on Disney+ now [The Right Stuff and Once Upon a Time], so why not a third, you know?

TVLINE | I mean crazier things have happened this year, so I definitely think you have a good shot of becoming a Jedi. [Laughs] Fingers crossed.

TVLINE | I want to talk about the relationship between Gordo and John Glenn (Suits‘ Patrick J. Adams), because they have a very kind of different bond than I think Glenn has with any of the other astronauts on Mercury Seven. How would you describe their dynamic? I think, in reality, John Glenn was the most decorated of the pilots, and everybody knew who he was, and I think Gordo has just a massive respect. What was amazing about these seven guys is that they all firmly believed that they were the best pilots. As individuals, they were the best one, and that’s a test pilot sort of mentality from the get-go… When you think about what they were doing as test pilots was nobody had ever sat in the airplane, and they had to try and push them harder and faster and more than anybody could ever imagine to see where the breaking point was. And so you would have to believe that you were the best to be able to do that, to believe that you could, in some way, control whatever was going to happen. Because Gordo was the youngest of the seven, [John] sees a young pilot who has a lot of talent, and for Gordo, he just sees this legend and somebody who has faith. John Glenn didn’t drink, he didn’t smoke, and I think that he was just somebody that Gordo really looked up to.

TVLINE | Does Gordo find himself playing the mediator role, because he’s sort of got his foot in both worlds? He’s both John Glenn’s friend, and he’s socializing with the other guys. Yeah, I think he does sort of straddle both. He tries quite hard to get John to be involved. In some ways, John sort of stood alone on his own, maybe, and I think Gordo was trying to bring him in and make him part of the team, as opposed to being the leader.

TVLINE | Gordo’s marriage to Trudy is also somewhat different compared to the other astronauts’ marriages in that his wife is also a pilot, and he’s very supportive of that. When he’s telling the story of how they met, it’s clear that he’s attracted to her because of that. It was a very complicated sort of situation, because when Gordo joined and put himself forward to become an astronaut, they were separated, and even as a test pilot, that was frowned upon. Look, you could go drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and sit behind the cockpit and fly, but if you were separated, that was frowned upon. It was a weird time, and he knew that he would be bounced out of the program if they found out that they were separated. So they essentially lived a lie. I think he loved Trudy, and certainly our version of Gordo, very much, does love her… The reality of it is that they are separated, and it doesn’t matter how much he says or talks about how much he loved her or how beautiful she was with the sun setting behind her. It’s just complicated, and they were living a lie for the whole time he was in the NASA space program.

TVLINE | There’s a moment, I think it was Episode 3, where Gordo is tempted to stray and cheat. Did he just get lucky that they were interrupted in that moment? Or do you consider him a faithful man? [Laughs] That’s the million-dollar question. That’s the whole point of that. In reality, I think pretty much all of the guys, except for John Glenn, were sort of playing away from home, and they were all heavy, heavy drinkers. It was a different time. I think the version we have in this Gordo is trying to make his marriage work. He does want it to work. But I think he gets tempted in that moment. Whether or not he would’ve followed through, that’s sort of left hanging in the air, and some people on the crew believe that he was definitely going to go for it, and others don’t. Others think that he would’ve pulled back at the last minute.

TVLINE | I’m going to exaggerate here, but I feel like there’s an actor in this series from almost every show that TVLine covers or has covered or that our readers love. [Laughs]

TVLINE | What was the experience like of filming with all these guys, as you were also depicting a brotherhood of sorts onscreen? Genuinely, it became that. We became incredibly close as an entire cast and not just the seven astronauts. We became a very, very tight-knit group, and it was an absolute joy and pleasure to be a part of that. Everybody is so incredibly good in the show. You can’t help but learn from working with people. We all really connected, and a lot of that started from before I came on. Patrick Adams had set up, I think, a WhatsApp group and an email chain so that people could share whatever sort of information they found on Mercury Seven or their characters. It sort of went from there. Because we were all in Orlando, and none of us, obviously, were from there, we were arranging to go for dinners or whatever meet-up, and so we just became like a family.

(x)

[susanoosama01]

Midamoul

Hi anon! Brutally honestly, I don't see Midam in a poly relationship. (Not that poly relationships are bad and certainly no disrespect to shippers of Midamoul ofc!)

1) Michael doesn't even understand his own feelings very well yet. I don't think he can really understand what Adam feels when Ghoul is added in. I feel like he would think a younger partner that somehow goes doing stupid fun stuff with Adam and understands why Adam loves greasy food that's killing him would make Michael insecure. Like ofc Ghoul ate Adam alive. But Adam is over it. Ghoul is even going without eating humans for Adam. They always laugh together. Michael doesn't understand their references sometimes. He doesn't know how lots of alcohol and a huge crowd squeezed in with deafening music is considered fun. Even when he was young, he had 3 brothers to raise so he was never allowed to be juvenile. Sooo, he is old! He is boring! Adam loves him but not like he loves Ghoul! Adam prefers the more exciting activities with Ghoul than the domestic ones, right? Then it must mean thst Ghoul is better! I don't really see Michael competing. Like he would try but quickly give up. Adam is happy with Ghoul. Someone as great as Adam is allowed and deserving of a partner that makes him so happy. Since Michael can't do the same, he should wait in his corner. It has always been what he did. He loved his father more than anyone else but that glorious being wanted a son and found it in Lucifer. So Michael had to make do with being his soldier instead and trying to earn bits and pieces of praises and affection. This is just how relationships go right??? To summarise, Michael would be confused and feeling inferior. Servitude is already how he shows love. What if he thinks he wasn't enough so Adam wanted another partner? Like God wanted another son, then another, then another and then millions of little angels and even billions of humans in the end because Michael wasn't enough? I am not sure Adam could make him stop thinking this way no matter what he does after noticing that Michael is starting to draw himself back and act almost as if afraid of disturbing him and Ghoul.

2) Ghoul helped kill Kate. Even though Adam forgives him, this fact will always hurt. It will be a barrier between them no matter how close they are. And they aren't as close as Michael and Adam. Well, Adam might have a physically explainable love for Ghoul. The butterflies and fast beating heart and laughter and kisses and all but his love for Michael... That's different. Ok, this is wuthering heights but "he is more myself than I am" and "I would want to go back to hell because I wouldn't be happy without him in Heaven" amd "whatever souls are made of, ours is the same" stuff is true for them. That love is spiritual, out of this world, incomprehensible mostly but Adam knows he belongs with Michael. They had a millennium just the two of them forming a bond between their beings and it's just something so beautiful that it would be another obstacle between Adam and Ghoul. Because Ghoul would know that Adam doesn't look at him how he looks at Michael. He would feel like an addendum. And Adam would feel bad himself seeing Michael fade back into who he was before the Cage, before their love aka back when he was a spare piece in the box and having to feed on left over crumbs of God's affection in the shadow of Lucifer even after his brother fell.

3) I think the moment Ghoul notices what's going on with Michael— feeling as if he needs to live in the dark, out of sight because he isn't worthy of more than what is thrown his way there, he would remember the days living in caves and eating rotten corpses to survive, feeling worth less than the dirt under the humans' shoes despite it not being the same thing. The moment he realizes Adam doesn't feel really happy with what is happening between Michael and him, he would know he can't do it to them. He loves Adam and even if he never really showed it, he cares for Michael as well. He remembers how they were when he first saw them, just married, having spent so much time wrapped in each others soul-grace, protecting and cherishing each other. The world were theirs because they were each other's and they didn't need or want more. Ghoul knows Adam loves him and even though he never showed it, Michael wants him to be safe and sound as well. But three of them can't have this thing go on for much longer. Michael will go back to being a tool for someone else's enjoyment and Adam will forever despise himself for not managing to love Michael enough and show it to him enough. Ghoul won't be able to beat Adam's guilt and make him smile. Neither will he be able to explain Michael that he doesn’t want to replace him and that he knows and admires the place Michael holds in Adam's heart no matter how he feels some jealousy now and then. So the way to solve it all is to leave. It's not easy nor fair but staying is going to be even harder and more unfair. Some love stories just don't end with happily ever after. In the end, Adam and Michael both helped him get to grow and heal and move on and they showed him that life is still worth living without petty revenge or blood soiling it.

[staystrange]

somewhere in the crowd there’s you

The Bright Sessions • Adam Hayes / Caleb Michaels Rating: T • ~3.7k words • ao3 cw: a little bit of sensory overload

He’d never looked forward to prom before the way the rest of the school did, but once Adam entered his life, he’d suddenly begun counting down the days. Not for himself, though; he just wanted to make this night as perfect as possible for Adam, for both of them together.

-or-

Caleb and Adam go to prom!!

Thank you to my lovely lovely friend Leo (@fandoms-are-my-lifestyle) for beta-ing this for me and for encouraging me to write this thing. I'm so glad I introduced you to TBS and to Caleb and Adam because your reactions to everything have brought me so much joy during this awful year and honestly, so has our friendship : )

Title: "Super Trouper" from Mamma Mia! because duh.

Caleb leaves Dr. Bright’s office after helping her move her stuff into her car, his heart sinking a bit as he realizes this is likely the last time he will ever pass through this doorway. The sadness doesn’t last long, though — as soon as he hears the door click shut behind him, he feels a wave of calm wash over him, the kind of calm he only feels when Adam’s around.

As if the thought of Adam summoned him into Caleb’s presence, Adam rounds the corner and the calm quickly sweeps away in favor of the warm bubbles that Caleb has come to recognize as love. He can’t help the giant grin that melts onto his face matching the one already on Adam’s.

“Hey Meathead,” Adam says in greeting.

“Dork,” Caleb replies, nodding at Adam.

Adam stops a few steps away from Caleb, the love mixing with a little bit of humored shock. “I’m sorry, did you just bro nod me?” Caleb bursts out laughing. “You might as well be tackling me into the friend zone.”

“I’m definitely not doing that.” Caleb’s voice is soft as he reaches out his hand for Adam, who takes it and lets Caleb pull him into a kiss.

When they reluctantly part to breathe, Adam says, “Are you sure? I dunno, maybe I should kiss you again just to make sure you’re telling the truth.”

“Maybe you should.”

And he does, standing on his tiptoes and tilting his head up to capture Caleb’s lips in a kiss again. Caleb smiles into the kiss as the bubbly love feeling intensifies, and Caleb feels so happy he thinks he could die from it. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go, he decides.

“Okay, boys,” Dr. Bright says as she opens her office door, startling them apart. “You know I’m very happy that you boys are very much in love, but the path in front of my office is not the best make out spot.”

Adam’s dark skin reddens significantly, and Caleb knows he’s blushing too. “Sorry, Dr. Bright, we were just about to leave.”

“Tuxedo shopping for prom, right?” She has a knowing smile on her face, and Caleb can feel contentment pouring off her with a touch of pride sprinkled on top.

“Yep,” Adam replies, biting his lip to hide his smile. It’s one of his cutest habits. “I know he hates shopping, but I just can’t let him take me to prom in —“

“—his dad’s powder blue tux, yes, I heard,” Dr. Bright says with a soft laugh. “Well, I won’t keep you boys, then.”

“Bye, Dr. Bright!” Caleb says with a wave, and she waves back as she walks down the path ahead of them.

“We should get going, too,” Adam says, squeezing Caleb’s hand. “Our appointment is soon.”

Caleb’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Appointment?”

“Mm hmm.” Adam nods. “I booked us a private appointment at the tuxedo store down the street. I thought, yaknow, that might make things easier for you. I hope that’s okay? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t want to lose the appointment…”

Adam trails off. Caleb just stares at Adam for a moment before finally replying once he feels Adam start to get nervous. “That sounds perfect. You’re perfect. God, I fucking love you.”

Adam’s eyes go wide, as if it’s the first time all over again. “I love you too,” he replies. “Ready?”

Caleb smiles. “Ready.”

———

Adam holds the door open for Caleb when they arrive at the tuxedo store, and Caleb lets out a sigh of relief when he sees that it is, in fact, empty. The relief doesn’t last long, though, because an employee notices them immediately and walks over to them, bringing his tense orange spikes of anxiety and stress with him. Caleb flinches when it hits him, and Adam, ever attentive, grabs his hand and squeezes, reminding Caleb to take deep breaths. When he glances over at Adam in thanks, Adam’s already smiling back at him, and after a moment, he leans up and kisses Caleb’s cheek.

“So, how can I help you two lovebirds today?” the most well-dressed man Caleb’s ever seen says, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Uh, we have an appointment. For a tuxedo fitting for prom,” Adam replies. Caleb feels a surge of something from Adam that he quickly parses as a thick mixture of disbelief, nerves, and exhilaration before it dissolves back into the usual blue. It hits Caleb all over again that for Adam, even speaking to Caleb is something he thought would only ever happen in his wildest dreams, let alone dating him and going to prom with him; Caleb’s next thought is that this all feels like a dream to him too, one that he’d never even considered having, but now that it’s happening, it’s nothing short of perfect.

“Names, please?” the man asks.

“Adam Hayes and Caleb Michaels.”

“Ah, of course, right this way.” He leads them to a selection of tuxedos on the left side of the store that had been set aside for prom season. “Feel free to try a few on and let me know when you’ve each decided so I can have them tailored for you.”

“Thank you!” Caleb calls to his receding back, and Adam chuckles.

They turn together to look at the selection, and this time it’s Caleb who has to squeeze Adam’s hand to keep him calm. His eyes pass over the selection and stop on one on a mannequin in the middle with a black jacket and pants, a shiny purple vest, and a crisp white button down. He lets go of Adam’s hand to walk up and closer look. He can see it now: him and Adam taking prom photos on his front lawn, him leading Adam into the venue and onto the dance floor, Adam leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips as they slow dance —

“Hey, babe, you okay in there?” Adam’s voice snaps Caleb out of his dream and back to the tuxedo store, where Adam stands with a simple black and white suit gently folded over his arm.

“Wha— yes, yes I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Adam, I promise I’m okay,” Caleb repeated. “Just got lost in thought for a second.”

“Okay.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m excited to see you in your tux.”

Caleb furrows his brow. “Isn’t it a thing that we’re not supposed to see each other in our suits before we actually wear them?”

Adam bites his lip to hold back a laugh. “Babe, we’re not getting married! For fuck’s sake, we can see each other in our tuxes before prom. I actually insist on it; you think I trust your taste after you were seriously considering wearing your dad’s tux?”

Caleb blushes. “Hey, don’t insult my dad like that. It was technically in style when he went to prom.” They both giggle together a little bit too loudly, until the employees give them a mildly dirty look and they force themselves to calm down. Of course, it only makes them laugh harder, but eventually they’re able to pull themselves together. “Anyway. Yeah. Let’s try these on.”

They choose two fitting rooms next to each other. Caleb hangs his tux on the hook on the wall before slowly closing and locking the stall behind him and taking a deep breath. He remembers going suit shopping before the Sadie Hawkins dance and feeling a sense of dread, but now all he feels is joyful anticipation not only to put the tux on, but to see Adam in his. Actually, it’s more about seeing Adam in his tux, if Caleb’s being honest with himself, but still. He can’t believe how much has changed in just a little over a year.

Caleb pulls off his t-shirt and jeans and carefully puts on the suit, looking at himself in the mirror once he slides the jacket on. To his surprise, he smiles at himself in the mirror while running his hand through his hair out of habit. He feels Adam’s sparkly bright blue excitement from the stall next door, so he knocks on the wall softly and asks, “You ready?”

“Yep. Ready when you are.” Caleb can hear the smile on his boyfriend’s face, and he almost can’t stand it.

“Okay, count of three.”

“Really, Caleb?”

“Yes! Come on Adam. Have a little fun.”

“Fine, count us off.”

“Okay.” Caleb’s grinning like an idiot now, and he’s never been more grateful for the opaqueness of changing room walls. “One, two, three.”

On three, Caleb and Adam both push open their respective changing room doors and turn to face each other. Adam audibly gasps and Caleb’s jaw drops as he stares openly at his boyfriend. “Adam,” Caleb breathes. “Oh my fucking God.”

“Oh my God, Caleb, no, you look so incredible what the fuck how is this my life?” Adam replies, his usually flawless speech reduced to absolute rambling. But Caleb can barely enjoy the satisfaction of the effect he’s having on Adam because he’s too busy thinking about the tuxedo that Adam’s wearing. It doesn’t have a vest like Caleb’s, but it’s made out of fucking velvet, and Caleb is completely obsessed with how it looks on Adam.

After multiple minutes of the two of them just staring wide-eyed at each other, Caleb hears Adam mutter "fuck it” before pulling Caleb into one of the changing rooms, bracketing him up against the wall with his arms, and crashing their lips together before Caleb has a chance to breathe. There’s part of him that’s still aware he’s in public at a tuxedo shop in Boston, but that part of him is drowned out by the rest of him that is completely focused on Adam. Adam’s fingers tangle in his hair, his lips on Caleb’s neck, his other hand —

“Whoa, okay,” Caleb says, gently pushing Adam back by the shoulder. “As much as I would, fuck, as much as I would love to do so much of that right now, we are in public in tuxedos that we still have to pay a lot of money for.”

Adam smirks, his expression still the hazy one he gets when they’re making out complete with flushed red cheeks and dark eyes he could get lost in forever. Caleb can’t get over just how gorgeous his boyfriend looks like this. “Well that’s easy enough to solve,” Adam says. “We can just take these off.”

Caleb groans loudly. “Adam, what the fuck, no! Where the hell is valedictorian Adam right now?”

“Valedictorian Adam has left the building. You have drunk in love Adam now, and he only cares about one thing.” Adam shakes his head, unable to take himself seriously. “Seriously, you look hot. I mean, you always look hot, but you look hot.”

“Wow, so eloquent,” Caleb replies, moving Adam’s hands off of his hips so he can smooth the suit out. “I don’t know about you, but I love both of these tuxes, so let’s go pay before something happens to them.”

———

Caleb’s doorbell rings five minutes before he told Adam to arrive, which means Adam is right on schedule. His mom answers the door before he has the chance to run downstairs; he can feel the nerves and desire to impress his mother radiating from Adam, but it’s not enough to cover up her pride and adoration. Caleb runs down the stairs, buttoning his sleeves as he goes, and leans in to whisper in Adam’s ear. “Relax, she loves you.”

“I would argue with you, but I know your superpower would prove me wrong, so why bother,” Adam whispers back. Caleb laughs. Neither of them can keep the smiles off their faces.

“You two can come inside, you know,” Caleb’s mother says; Caleb honestly had forgotten that she was still standing there.

“Right, yeah, we’re coming, Mom,” Caleb mumbles, taking Adam’s hand and leading him inside.

“When are Caitlin and her date going to be here? You know, I’m really glad that you all managed to stay close even after everything that happened.”

“Yeah, me too, Mom. She’ll be here in a minute or two, she’s very punctual.” As if on cue, the bell rings again, and Caleb opens it to reveal Caitlin and her date, a guy named Andrew from her math class.

“This is Andrew. Andrew, Caleb and Adam. Caleb and Adam, Andrew.”

“Caitlin, relax, just have fun. It’s good to see you, you look nice,” Adam says. And he’s right, she does. She’s wearing a pink sparkly high-low dress with pink high heels and white flowers braided into her hair, and it’s not something he would have ever expected to see her wear, but he has to admit that it suits her.

“Thank you, you do too,” she replies before turning to Caleb. “Well, this is a little different from the last time we went to a school dance together, isn’t it?”

Caleb laughs. “Fuck, you’re so right.” It takes him a moment to realize he hasn’t invited them in yet, so he does, and his mom positions them in that super cliche prom pose he always sees all over social media every single year. He can’t even be mad about it, though, because as he rests his hands at Adam’s waist, he feels five people’s worth of bubbly joy hit him all at once. Normally, that many people feeling the same emotion all at once would be way too overwhelming, but tonight, it’s not, so Caleb lets himself bask in the soft warmth of it all.

Once his mom has taken as many photos as her phone has the space for and gone through the whole “my son is so grown up!” cliché mom thing as Adam rolled his eyes and looped his arm around Caleb’s back, Caleb finally waves goodbye to his parents and leads Adam, Caitlin, and Andrew to his car. He holds the passenger side door open for Adam, who gives him a big smile as he closes it softly before walking around to the driver’s seat and sliding in. Once everyone’s seatbelts are on, Caleb starts the car and one of the playlists that Adam made for him immediately starts playing through the speakers. It’s one of the sappier ones, because of course it is, and Caleb blushes as he reaches to switch to something else, but Adam grabs his wrist to stop him, whispering, “It’s okay, babe, leave it on.” Caleb nods and pulls out of the driveway.

The glow of happiness from Adam only intensifies as they get closer and closer to the venue, and Caleb even hears him singing along softly to the playlist as Caitlin and Andrew chat in the backseat.

———

The second Caleb’s car is in park, he scrambles out of the car to get around to Adam’s side so he can open the door for him, and Andrew does the same for Caitlin. The second Adam is fully standing, he grabs Caleb’s hand and gives it a squeeze, and Caleb never wants to let go.

The parking lot is fairly empty (Caitlin had insisted they get there as early as possible), but as they walk up the steps and approach the large double doors, Caleb can feel the emotions of everyone inside all at once — all nerves, excitement, and love. He lets go of Adam’s hand so he can bring both hands up to cover his ears with them; even though he knows it doesn’t do a single thing to help, it’s all he can think to do.

“Caleb?” Adam’s voice breaks through the shield and reaches Caleb’s ears, and he turns to his boyfriend with fear and guilt in his eyes. “Caleb, look at me. Take a deep breath, just like Dr. Bright said. In, out. In, out.”

Caleb does as Adam instructs while Adam tells Caitlin and Andrew to go in ahead of them, and after a few moments Caleb lowers his hands to his sides again, reuniting his left hand with Adam’s right. Adam squeezes his hand. “Remember, babe, I’m here to keep you green.”

“Thank you. I… I’m so sorry, Adam. You deserve a better night than this. I just can’t get it together enough to deal with my stupid classmates all at once, and I —“

“No, Caleb, don’t apologize,” Adam says, cutting off Caleb’s self-deprecating monologue. “It’s okay. At least it’ll be mostly good feelings tonight, right? And if you ever feel like it’s too much, let me know and we can leave, okay? You matter more to me than some stupid prom,” Adam says, and Caleb knows he means every word of it.

“I’ll be fine,” he replies. “I wouldn’t want to ruin this night for you.”

Adam shakes his head, grinning. “Gosh, you dork, it’s already perfect and it’s more than enough, it’s more than I even dared to dream about. Don’t worry about me.”

“I thought you were the dork,” Caleb teases, feeling more like himself again.

“You’re a dork sometimes too. Come on, let’s head inside.”

They walk through the doors and check in at the table in the lobby before heading into the main room and finding the table that Caitlin and Andrew had found and saved for them. A Top 40 hit blasts out of the speakers and a bunch of students are dancing in the middle of the room, but most are chatting with friends and grabbing appetizers. Caleb is still adjusting to the emotions in the room, so he sinks into a chair at the table, Adam taking the one next to him. He’s content to just stare at Adam for a few moments, the velvet tuxedo and purple bow tie that he’d picked out to match Caleb’s vest and pocket square somehow even cuter on him than when they’d first gone shopping.

Adam catches him staring and stands, leaning in to kiss Caleb on the cheek. “I’m going to grab us some mini hot dogs, okay?” Caleb nods, watching Adam walk across the room. A couple of their classmates stop Adam to say hi, and the shocked look on his face and the feeling that comes with it just makes Caleb fall in love with him all over again. He’d never looked forward to prom before the way the rest of the school did, but once Adam entered his life, he’d suddenly begun counting down the days. Not for himself, though; he just wanted to make this night as perfect as possible for Adam, for both of them together.

He gets an idea.

———

They’re just finishing up their main course meal when Caleb hears it, and he breaks into a grin.

“What?” Adam asks, confused.

Caleb just points to the speakers. “Listen.” He watches Adam’s face as he tilts his head to hear better, and he knows that the opening chords of ABBA’s “Super Trouper” have reached his ears when Adam’s whole face lights up.

“Caleb, oh my fucking God,” he says, covering his face. “How did you do this?”

“Asked the DJ while you were up getting food.” Caleb gently pulls Adam's hands away from his face. “Come on, come dance with me.”

He can feel the confusion from his classmates, but he doesn’t care about any of it as he pulls Adam onto the dance floor and lifts their arms to twirl him around. Adam looks nervous, so Caleb starts singing along, probably making a huge fool of himself, and Adam laughs and visibly relaxes. “You’re ridiculous,” Adam says.

“You love it,” Caleb replies, twirling him again.

By this point, they’re not alone on the dance floor anymore, and as the song ends, Caleb’s eyes lock with Adam as the last “somewhere in the crowd there’s you” rings out.

———

They’re a few hours into prom now. The food is pretty much all gone, and Caleb can tell that some people in the room are more than a little drunk; thankfully not enough for them to get him drunk too, but enough that it’s noticeable.

Caleb, Adam, Caitlin, and Andrew had just sat back down after a few of their favorite songs played in a row when the music fades out. Caleb looks up to see Principal Stevens standing at the front of the room with the microphone in his hand.

“Okay, everyone, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the crowning of this year’s prom king and queen.” He unfolds the first slip of paper in his hand. “This year’s prom queen… is Caitlin Park!”

Caitlin stands and waves as she walks up to accept her crown. Adam cheers extra loud, and Caitlin rolls her eyes at him.

Principal Stevens unfolds the second slip of paper. “And this year’s prom king… is Caleb Michaels!”

Everyone in the room is cheering, especially the three people sitting with him, but Caleb is so surprised he doesn’t hear any of it.

“Babe, go!” Adam says, pushing Caleb out of his seat.

“That’s my boyfriend!” Caleb hears Adam shout as he approaches Caitlin and Principal Stevens on the dance floor.

“Principal Stevens, what’s going on? I didn’t even run, I didn’t even think we did this stuff here!” Caleb says.

Principal Stevens just shrugs with a smile. “You must be pretty well liked, Caleb,” he says as explanation, placing the sparkly plastic crown on Caleb’s head.

“You are,” Caitlin adds. “People really think highly of you, Caleb. Just enjoy this. You deserve it.”

“Ready to dance?” Principal Stevens asks them, and Caleb and Caitlin both realize in that moment that being crowned prom king and queen means they have to dance. Together. In front of everyone.

Thankfully, Caitlin reacts quickly. “Actually, Principal Stevens, would it be alright if we each just danced with our dates instead?”

“Would that be okay with you, Caleb?” Caleb nods. “Well, if that’s what you both prefer, then it’s totally fine with me.”

The music starts, and Caleb feels a tap on his shoulder. He spins around to see Adam, gorgeous as ever, in a mock bow with his arm out to Caleb. “May I have this dance, Your Majesty?”

Caleb grins and holds his head high. “You may.”

Caleb rests his hands on Adam’s shoulders as Adam’s hands loop around Caleb’s waist and he presses his face into Caleb’s chest. They sway back and forth together, and for those few minutes, it’s like they’re really alone in the universe, just like they always dreamed.

“Hey,” Adam says, bringing them back to reality when the song changes to a more upbeat one. “Thanks for being my Super Trouper.”

“Anytime,” Caleb replies softly.

[ziracona]

I love the bits you’ve been doing of the DBD crew interacting with the scream cast. You have any other ideas/hcs about them?

Yeah! So, since they dealt with a Ghostface and Jane runs a huge talk show, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Sidney is asked on to talk about her book, and Gale just to talk—Dewey too, if he’s up for it. Considering her personal experience, even though it’s not with the supernatural, I think Sidney would be inclined to believe them all—epsecially after meeting Jane in person, and they’d get talking about their respective experiences and lives.

Since Quentin, Nancy, and Kate at least are already canonically fans of her book, Out of Darkness, I feel like all three would jump at the chance to meet her for real—especially afte Jane says she’s exactly like she writes, and really nice and kind. This gets a few of them to meet up with Sid and Jane for a lunch. They hit it off really well, and Sidney is (duly) fascinated by the whole tale, and one of them (Kate or Quentin) asks if she’d like to see some of the stuff first hand, and she does.

Which is how Sidney Prescott ends up walking into Dwight, Jake, and Adam’s 6 Hour Pride & Prejudice marathon at the Indiana cabin Adam talked them into they didn’t expect any company for. Net end result is a bunch of survivors meet Sidney Prescott and have a weird but fun luncheon and she figures out about what this group is like right off the back. It goes well though, and the people who have met Sid end up introducing her to the rest. Gale and Dewey both get ripped in too, and they hang out several times kind of “professionally”, to talk, then just kind of go “huh we’re sort of friends now aren’t we?” And hang out again just because.

Considering respective trauma and having someone who really does get it, I think Laurie would get along pretty great with Sidney. Nancy, David, Kate, and Quentin too. Jane clicks wildly with Gale and they become a terror of unimaginable proportions when working stories together. Min also really likes Gale. Tapp is scared of her but not as scared as he is of Jane.Dwight and Adam get along best with Dewey. Ace flirts too much with Gale, which Gale enjoys becuase it’s goofy and not very serious, but Dewey doesn’t clock that and is like 😨😢😠—dw tho they get that sorted tho. Most of them just kind of group mesh, especially Jeff and Claudette. Jake gets on remarkably well with Mark Kincaid, to both their surprise. Mark: “The god damn system.” Jake, doing a shot of whisky: “The god damn system.”

They meet Kirby too, after a little while, and she and Nea click over funny physical therapy rehab stories. It’s also just kinda nice to meet new people you know really are at least close to as fucked up as you are because of life, and it provides for some great closure and solidarity comfort.

Meg is ecstatic about meeting Sidney and tells her she told Ghostface “Let’s see if I’m Sidney Prescott material” as a threat before kicking his ass. Sidney likes their story about doing this a lot, and it’s the only thing that convinces her to give Frank a chance eventually. She likes Susie right away.

Adam and Sidney bond over author stuff (Gale could, but she’s way into chasing stories right now, so she pops in and out of those conversations to throw advice like confetti).

It’s weirder for them meeting the killers. Since that’s not exactly common knowledge, they don’t tell any of them at first who Jeff’s kids or Meg’s girlfriend or Claudette’s brother, Quentin and Min’s mom, Laurie’s Brother were. I think it comes out entirely accidental over a dinner becuase one of them got so comfortable around the Scream friends they completely forgot in the instant it wasn’t common knowledge. It’s uh—it’s kind of a mess. Sort of a shocked silence, then a, “I’m sorry—what?” From Gale, a panicked shit shit shit do we lie? What’s the lie? From around the table, who to their credit were definitely going to lie and try to cover, but I think it’s Philip who gets outed and he’s there, and well, he’s Philip. So he just sets down his utensils and is like “That’s true. Please don’t tell anyone. It’s...hard to explain, and understand, and I don’t want anyone to come under fire for not turning me in when we arrived.”

And like, it’s been a couple months, so they know Philip, and even itching for the hot goss Gale is willing (and dying) to listen and hear this, so they get the real version from him, kind of start to finish, and take it...wildly well. Considering. Susie gives the second part of her story (“Yeah you knew I was a killer, but I didn’t just disobey and turn on the Entity—I killed three of them before I did that, and hurt more. Because I was terrified of getting killed.”). It’s a lot to process, but like, they get why they can’t say. Gale starts pushing that it would be wildly useful to include, maybe anonymously? That one of them was a killer for real in the realm. So people have more in their arsenal if they ever get taken. Susie already kind of supplies that, but an honest to god full version? Complete 360? And if the details were vague and it was published anonymously, no one would know which of them it had been—probably most would assume Anna which—well—technically isn’t wrong either... And the survivors consider that.

Benedict, who had been keeping distance out of a fear Gale tripping him up and revealing more than he was supposed to, finally meets the gang after this, and so does Sally, who they’d been trying to not have mingle too much out of fear of the same thing. It’s uh. It’s super weird. Having not lived it, just knowing what the killers did, and not having lived through the face part of that heel-face turn. Like. Yikes. The Legion are especially hard, becuase they make the least sense. Philip didn’t know, Sally was broken mentally and manipulated, Anna was feral, more or less so was Michael (who is the only one they are not told about. Laurie guards her secrets. Guards them. Eventually tells Sidney, but only Sidney. And talks to Michael first.) Legion on the other hand? They were scared, but that’s the only real excuse. So, that one’s hard. That one takes awhile. But Susie is so miserable about her past and frank about it, and so is Joey, they’re a lot easier—especially Susie, by a mile, considering how many bullets she was ready to take. Frank and Julie are harder, and the Legion’s pasts aren’t actually so much ‘told’ as figured out. Susie is the only one to admit, Gale, who has been reading up, makes a guess like a statement, and her poker face isn’t good enough, and they just kinda know then.

They prove to be trustworthy (thank god—after dinner everyone [once alone] is like “Philip what the fuck man TuT don’t throw yourself under busses I’m begging you.”), so it works out, but it takes a little time to adjust to some of that. Eventually though, things smooth, and all three become semi-regulars to see. Most of their friends and family are dead, so it’s a nice addition to the Scream fam’s social lives too. Gale sometimes pitches in with Tapp and Meg’s work when she can. They meet up when in town. It’s just. It’s really nice, for all of them. They feel just a little more understood, and not like aliens back home. It’s a healing experience for the whole gang.

Sidney gets a lot of the younger survivors following her like ducklings for a while wanting to ask questions and also stealing her style becuase this is just how Meg and Nea and Susie will be sometimes. It’s cute though. She gets so many damn interviews, but for once they’re just motivated by curiosity and excitement at solidarity and inspiration, not a grab for network views or something to boost reputation, and it’s...it’s really nice. To have people that want to know for the reasons you’d want a person to want to know that kind of shit for.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1985

Under the cut.

Foreigner -- "I Want To Know What Love Is" -- February 2, 1985

One of the quintessential 80s power ballads. It's actually kind of interesting if you think about it enough. He's not in love yet, but he's gotten sick of not being in love, so he's asking someone he's in the pre-love stage with to show him. Though he's had "heartache and pain" before, and doesn't know if he can face it again. It's not consistent. I feel like it's a missed opportunity, but oh well. It's good enough for what it is.

Wham! -- "Careless Whisper" -- February 16, 1985

Oh my god I love the saxophone in this. The music throughout the song is so incredibly sexy. And this is the kind of song George Michael's voice was made for. He's totally capable of sounding both hot and in agony at the same time. I actually adore a whole lot of cheating songs -- mostly, though not exclusively, the tormented kind. Drama! Love! Sex! Angst! Gorgeous.

REO Speedwagon -- "Can't Fight This Feeling" -- March 9, 1985

<3. He keeps singing "r"s like a pirate, but he doesn't go as hard on the other consonants, so I'm good with it. Lyrically, this song sounds like it might be two songs mashed together. "What started out as friendship has grown stronger" or "my life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you." Well which is it? Except I've had that happen. I love this song.

Phil Collins -- "One More Night" -- March 30, 1985

This is a depressing heartbreak song without the saving grace of any of Phil Collins' neat drum stuff. Blah.

We Are the World -- April 13, 1985

Whoo boy. I was 8 when this came out. Obviously I loved it. All the kids loved it. Now, though... I'm sorry, but it's bad. Really bad. Many others have gone deeply into why it's bad. I feel acutely embarrassed listening to it, so I'm just running away from it as fast as possible. (Remember all those celebrities singing "Imagine" in their mansions in 2020? I blame this song for that.)

Madonna -- "Crazy For You" -- May 11, 1985

This is one of Madonna's most straightforward love songs. Maybe the most, period. This or "Cherish," and this is a better song. It's lovely. Like Olivia Newton-John, Madonna can act a song. (Unlike in most movies she's been in.) But what I'm thinking about now is learning in this article that her label wouldn't let Madonna release "Into the Groove" as a single. That song was huge. It was played on the radio all the time. If it had been released as a single, or maybe if Billboard had tracked songs then like it does today, it would have been a massive smash, definitely #1. "Into the Groove" is also the best song of her very early career. "Crazy for You" is good, but not nearly as special.

Simple Minds -- "Don't You Forget About Me" -- May 18, 1985

As I am "Gen X", I am supposed to deeply connect with The Breakfast Club. I was 8 years old when it came out. My life as a teenager was nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, like that movie. I didn't recognize any of the "types." I liked the movie when I saw it in college, mostly, but the whole sexual harassment turns into a relationship deal was not seen as cool any longer. The "jocks vs. nerds" thing also felt very dated. The school in the movie was bigger and richer than mine, but it's a fantasy.

Anyway, though I don't feel much about the movie, its breakout song was really good. It does speak to a real fear both in graduating high school and during young adult relationships. I haven't forgotten the people I knew in high school, as far as I know, but obviously they don't have the same importance to me any longer. I'm Facebook friends with a lot of them. And very much not with a couple who were the most important then, because we grew apart -- or blasted apart. One of the nicest girls I knew in high school thinks there's a war on Christmas. Another keeps trying to get me to join her MLM. One of my best friends became my first boyfriend, and I don't regret that, but it was also a semi-disaster. And others... we just have nothing to say to each other any longer.

So, Breakfast Club: I don't connect with at all. "Don't You Forget About Me": Speaks to something very real and timeless.

Wham! -- "Everything She Wants" -- May 25, 1985

What a dick. Songs in which the narrator is a colossal jerk are perfectly fine, of course, but this one gets under my skin. He's whining about his wife getting pregnant when she's dissatisfied with their life and that they're broke. As if it's something she chose to do to him. She's stuck creating a whole other person with her blood and flesh, and he thinks it's all and entirely about him. I really hate it.

Tears for Fears -- "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" -- June 8, 1985

I can't hear this song without thinking of this Baldur's Gate fan trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdd06d2nids. Speaking of which, I am incredibly excited for Baldur's Gate 3. I've been reading the early access reviews on Steam, and anything anyone is saying that's negative is stuff I don't gaf about (except bugs), whereas the positive stuff, I care about deeply. I hope it's got some of the feeling of that trailer. Um, right, Tears for Fears.

Honestly, though, it works best as a Baldur's Gate theme song. I don't think everybody actually wants to rule the world. It sounds good though. And pretty different from other stuff around it. But I like Lorde's cover better, and not just because it fits so wonderfully with all sorts of fantasy stories.

I usually play a paladin or paladin-type the first time in fantasy RPGs, but I'm thinking bard this time.

Bryan Adams -- "Heaven" -- June 22, 1985

He's been with this woman since they were young, and while they've broken up and gone through rough patches, now they're together forever and they're "in heaven." Bryan Adams knew exactly how to write a song that would become a hit. I used to not mind it at all, but it also means nothing to me. The chorus is catchy as hell though. So catchy that I ended up waking up with it in my head and it would not leave for hours and hours, so now I resent this song.

Phil Collins -- "Sussudio" -- July 6, 1985

I refuse to believe anyone ever told Phil Collins he was too young. He was born middle-aged. Anyway, the narrator isn't supposed to be him, so it's fine, but it's still kinda funny. He's got a crush on someone who doesn't even know his name, but "she's all I need all of my life." Um. The music is repetitive, the drums aren't as interesting as Phil Collins at his best, and I don't like the lyrics. I don't hate it, but I don't like it either.

Duran Duran -- "View to a Kill" -- July 13, 1985

I'm not sure I've ever heard this song before. It's about as good a song as the Bond movie they wrote it for was as a movie. In other words, it's bad. I'm not even sure there's a melody. Just a mess. "Ordinary World" would have made a far better Bond theme, but of course that was the 90s, when Duran Duran decided to try to make sense both lyrically and musically.

Paul Young -- "Every Time You Go Away" -- July 27, 1985

I like the high keyboard notes in this. They're sort of haunting. The rest of the song is musically pretty good, too. Lyrically though, it's only passable. This woman keeps leaving him every time "the leading man" shows up, so I guess he's the backup. Why does he keep waiting for her anyway? There's no hint in the song. I'm kind of embarrassed for him.

Tears for Fears -- "Shout" -- August 3, 1985

I think "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" is a better song than this one when done by Lorde. But I think "Shout" is a better song than Tears for Fears' original iteration of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." The chorus seems clear enough. But the verses are not. "They gave you life/ And in return you gave them hell" makes sense in isolation, but then there's a bunch of stuff that doesn't go with it. Like "I'd really love to break your heart" -- wtf? But the music is really good. 

Huey Lewis and the News -- "The Power of Love" -- August 24, 1985

This was the big song for Back to the Future, and it meshed beautifully with the movie, but it doesn't need that association to be a great song. "Don't need money, don't take fame/ Don't need no credit card to ride this train/ It's strong and it's sudden, it can be cruel sometimes/ But it might just save your life." Yep. It's sort of Motown, sort of rock, and I love it. (Also: "Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream." Heh.)

John Parr -- "St. Elmo's Fire" -- August 24, 1985

Of all the John Hughes movies I have not seen and do not plan to see, St. Elmo's Fire sure is one of them. The song is about a disabled man who inspired people by rolling himself cross-country in his wheelchair for charity, which has absolutely nothing to do with the movie. I'm disabled, and I just... okay look, what he did was admirable. But we shouldn't have to be inspirations to be counted as worthwhile, and I've been told I should die because I can't produce for capitalism, so you know. I've got some personal issues with this and I'm gonna move along.

Dire Straits -- "Money for Nothing" -- September 21, 1985

This is not Dire Straits' best song, but it's an awfully fun one. I watched the video tons when I was a kid. (That sound is Tipper Gore falling to the floor in a dead faint.) The music is great rock. And the lyrics are very true-to-life. You can either sanitize people or present them as they are honestly, and I know which I prefer.

Ready for the World -- "Oh Sheila" -- October 12, 1985

The band's from Michigan. The English accent at the beginning of the song is fake. That's a good preview for the song, which sounds like a 3rd-rate Prince knockoff at best. Blech.

a-ha -- "Take On Me" -- October 19, 1985

The video totally ripped off one of my aunts. Somehow or other, they saw into the little comic she drew for me about someone going into a land of drawings to rescue someone else in a romantic adventure, years before 1985. Anyway, this song is great musically, massively synthesizer heavy without sounding artificial. Though I can only understand maybe a third of the lyrics as he sings them. I've always understood "It's no better to be safe than sorry" though. Yep, at least when it comes to romance, which is what they're singing about here.

Whitney Houston -- "Saving All My Love for You" -- October 26, 1985

It's not better to be safe than sorry, but that doesn't mean it's good to be an absolute idiot in matters of romance either. Nor is it good to be a colossal jerk. That's what the narrator is here -- the "you" she's singing to is married. And he won't leave his wife and children, though he used to say he would. The lyrics seem to say that's she's accepted the situation, but the way Houston sings it, I think the narrator's trying to get him to leave his wife -- and children -- for her still. This makes sense, as it puts some kind of passion and sense of story into the song, which without Houston's singing would not be there. The narrator certainly never acknowledges that what she's doing is wrong in the slightest iota. This song could be done in a way that works. But it's a completely sincere ballad. So, no. I despise the narrator, I despise the man she's singing to more, and the whole thing leaves me feeling gross.

Stevie Wonder -- "Part Time Lover" -- November 2, 1985

No one's thinking anyone's gonna leave anyone in this one. It's about cheating, and the thrill of it, but then at the end, he's found out his wife's cheating on him too. "I guess that two can play the game/ Of part-time lovers." This kind of funk groove is one way you make a song like this. It makes the whole thing sexy and fun, and the lyrics also work even beyond that ending, because they acknowledge it's wrong.

Jon Hammer -- "Miami Vice Theme" -- November 9, 1985

My parents didn't watch Miami Vice. And then I never felt like watching it in re-runs when I got older. I don't recognize this song. It's an energetic instrumental, but there's so much going on, I keep trying to figure out if there's a main musical idea anywhere. Nope. Just lots and lots of synth. Headache-inducing.

Starship -- "We Built This City" -- November 16, 1985

Blech. This song sounds both unfinished and overproduced somehow. The chorus seems designed to be catchy with absolute ruthlessness by people who didn't really care, and no one involved even seems to want to bother to fake it.

Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin -- "Separate Lives" -- November 30, 1985

This is supposed to be heart-wrenchingly sad. Well, it does tank my dopamine, but that's not what a good sad song does. A good sad song makes you feel better. This one makes me need to turn on something high-energy after about 30 seconds, before I sink into bleakness. It's aggressively boring.

Mr. Mister -- "Broken Wings" -- December 7, 1985

This was one of the first songs I recorded from the radio. On my pink tape deck/radio that was a sort of a mini boom box. I've always had my own tape player since I can remember, but that was a definite upgrade from the Sesame Street one. I was 9 then, so getting more seriously into music and developing my own taste intentionally, rather than simply absorbing what was happening around me.

Anyway, the song. It's about a relationship in trouble, and he wants to stay with her. To me it sounds like she has been so seriously hurt (and not by him), that she can't trust anyone, and he's laying himself on the line for her. That has spoken to me deeply ever since I first heard the song as a child. Moving on to the music: While the lyrics are repetitive, the music is not, which is what makes the song so good. It's a beautiful song.

Lionel Richie -- "Say You, Say Me" -- December 21, 1985

I look forward to Lionel Richie no longer being on the charts. This song was on the soundtrack of some movie I've never heard of. I wish I'd never heard of the song. Totally artificial glop.

BEST OF 1985: "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds  WORST OF 1985: "We Built This City" by Starship

[malachi-walker]

Some Really Heavy Thoughts on the Relationship Between Scorpia and Catra

Fair warning, guys: I'm gonna get into some deeply personal stuff involving abuse recovery and past mistakes here. I will not be making excuses for Catra or her treatment of Scorpia, but well... Let's just say there's a reason why their relationship has always me wince. Because it touches on some stuff that is likely relevant to a lot of ex-abuse victims.

This entire meta stems from an epiphany I had while discussing with @johannas-motivational-insults how I have a really hard time writing Scorpia, and me trying to pinpoint what exactly makes me so uncomfortable working with her or looking at her relationship with Catra in detail.

Let me back up a bit. We all love Scorpia. She's a big cuddly sweetheart without a mean bone in her body. She's fantastic, a bright point in the overall suckage that is the Horde, and she gives GREAT hugs. So why does their relationship bother me so much?

Well... It's because I've been there once before in my own life. And it's one of my deepest regrets, so seeing that play out on screen and instinctively knowing where this is going fucking sucks.

Personal stuff under the cut.

We've already covered Scorpia being a good kid. That said, I feel like a lot of people just flanderize her into being this perfect wonderful friend who wholly accepts Catra (and conversely either woobify Catra or make her a horrible monster who doesn't appreciate a good thing) but... the truth is a lot more nuanced than that.

Scorpia doesn't wholly accept Catra because in order to truly accept someone you have to see them for who they really are, warts and all, and Scorpia doesn't. She idealizes Catra and either ignores or downplays her very real flaws and problems, and tries to excuse any actions she commits that don't live up to that constructed image, which is of course what she confronts in s4 (and I’m proud of her for that.) It's not done with any ill intent, but it's still not a good thing in any relationship; romantic, platonic, familial, any kind.

Here's where things get real personal. Also, I wanna specify that I am not forcing myself to talk about this, even though it still hurts in a lot of ways. Though I am probably gonna bring this up with my therapist when I next see her.

I've mentioned before in previous meta that I am an ex-child abuse victim who followed a very similar trajectory to Catra once I got out of that situation. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was ADAMANT that nobody get close to me again and fully prepared to lash out as much as I needed in order to make that happen. Occasionally people would slip through my guard anyway, but on the whole I was very successful at that goal and torpedoed a lot of bridges back in those days.

And as much as it kills me to admit it... I had my own Scorpia too.

Her name was Amy, and I met her in my freshman year of high school after I ended up in a private school for the “gifted and talented” (which ended up being its own mistake, but that's a story for another day.)

To put this entire situation into perspective: at the time I was struggling to process and cope with my abuse, I had just been misdiagnosed with major depression after an entire year of contemplating suicide, and I had been put on a ridiculously high dosage of the antidepressant Wellbutrin--literally the highest dosage they could legally give an adolescent without the risk of seizures--which cranked my rage up to a constant underlying simmer and also gave me horrific fucking nightmares, to the point that for about a year and a half I was consistently only getting two hours of sleep because I was waking up screaming nearly every night. This is not me making excuses for being such a dick, but I do try to keep in mind that younger me was dealing with an absolute shitshow when passing judgment on myself. I was trying to survive a situation that absolutely no one was equipped to handle at all of 14 years old.

And then here comes Amy.

Amy was one of those people who was relentlessly optimistic to an almost suspicious degree (more on that later.) The kind of person who will reply to any statement of "I'm having a bad [x]" with generic look-on-the-bright-side platitudes and a big smile without actually addressing anything you said. She was also one of those people who was aggressively Christian, not in a mean way, but in an "it was her answer for literally everything" way, which given that I was struggling with my own faith at the time was practically a recipe for disaster.

But for whatever reason, this girl latched onto me, no matter how much I tried to get her to do otherwise.

I wanna note that I wasn't wholly devoid of friends at the time; my best friend, Michael (who is still my best friend/bro to this day) had also gotten into the school along with me, but the rest of our friend group hadn't and those relationships drifted apart in the ensuing years, which only served to compound the underlying issues. And I will always be thankful that the guy was able to roll with the punches and stick by me even through my absolute worst, but it was also pretty irritating having to switch between my bro who understands me even if he didn’t always agree to my much tenser interactions with Amy. So back to her.

Basically, this girl just kinda inserts herself into my life, refuses to take a hint or back off, and any time I try to talk about my issues or get her to understand a little and make an actual connection, I'm met with the overwhelming feeling of "You're not really seeing me. You're not listening." So I responded by being a fucking bitch. I would ignore her, make fun of her, treat her like a third wheel, etc. In hindsight, it was a dick move, but at the time it made sense to me. I genuinely felt like it was her fault for never listening to me in the first place, so I justified it by telling myself I was just paying her back in kind.

I lost touch with Amy after I was kicked out of school at the tail end of freshman year due to a Wellbutrin-induced rage episode (nobody got hurt, but my attitude at the time was so consistently extreme that the school administration literally had an inch thick dossier on my behavior and what the other kids thought of me, so that incident was just what they needed to justify kicking me out.) Afterwards, my parents made the decision to relocate to another town since my expulsion meant I would be banned from going back into school for a full year unless we changed systems--and even then I was required to go into a continuation school to prove I had been rehabilitated, but I digress. Point is that I was uprooted from that environment and I didn't bother keeping in touch.

I actually found out years later from a friend who went to that same high school--though we didn't actually become friends until after my expulsion--that the reason why Amy was the way she was is that in the year prior to meeting me, her mother had committed suicide and she had been the one to discover her body. So in hindsight, her entire deal made sense: she was trying to survive in the only way she knew how and cope with a situation no one should ever have to, same as me.

But that didn't mean we were able to connect. The great tragedy of that situation, and the thing I regret the most about it, is that we were just two horribly damaged kids that were utterly incapable of actually seeing each other as we were at the time. And it ultimately wasn't anybody's fault, which ironically makes it even harder to accept.

I regret the way I treated her. I wish I could have made her life a little better, and I still hope and pray she got the help she needed elsewhere.

That's what makes Scorptra so incredibly tragic to me as well. Scorpia is a good-hearted person who does genuinely care for Catra, but she also willfully blinds herself to the things Catra is dealing with and her relentless optimism often just ends up rubbing salt in the wounds. Catra is wrong to treat Scorpia so badly, but I also fully understand those feelings of resentment and anger you develop towards someone when they consistently refuse to see you as you are, because I've been there. And that's also why I've always had a hard time with Scorptra romantically (though if you ship it, good for you! I honestly wish I could), because those issues have always been present in their relationship and made it unsustainable from the very beginning.

Something was always destined to break between them. And that's what makes it so damn hard for me to write Scorpia as a character, because in many ways she reminds me of one of the things I regret the most in my life: how I treated someone else who had the best intentions horribly when I was at my absolute worst. These days I try to be kind to my past self as part of the healing process, but when I think of my actions in that year it is really fucking hard. I don't like to think about it, even though I know I feel like I need to (which is also why this meta exists.)

Neither Scorpia or Catra were at fault for the fact that they couldn't see each other properly: it was just a really bad case of wrong place, wrong time. And that's what makes it hurt.

Also, if you made it this far, I'm sorry this was so depressing. Please have a happy cat and scorpion to hopefully feel a little better. Also huge shoutout to @yesbpdcatra for encouraging me to get this out there. You're the best, fam.

[jkottke]

My Recent Media Diet, The Pandemic Edition

Well, it has been awhile. I have not done one of these since late December. First I was away for a few weeks and then, well, you know. I'm not even sure if anyone wants to read this sort of thing right now -- I barely wanted to write it -- but I know a lot of people are stuck at home, looking for stuff to watch, read, and listen to. Plus, keeping the media diet going feels normal, at least a little.

If you're strapped for time/attention, my top recs are Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Devs, Exhalation, Little Women, Unbelievable, Future Nostalgia, The Overstory, and You're Wrong About.

Devs. Fantastic. I loved every minute of this gem. (A)

Unbelievable. Based on a true story. Excellent performances by Toni Collette and (especially) Merritt Wever. (A)

The Report. Also based on a true story. The Bush presidency still does not get the credit in terms of the harm it did, and continues to do, to America. (B+)

Exhalation by Ted Chiang. Killer collection of tech/science stories. (A)

Slow Burn (season 3). Not just about Biggie/Tupac, but about 90s hip-hop & the cultural reaction to it. (B+)

AirPods Pro. Wearing these feels a little like the future. (A)

Aeronauts. Perfectly fine. (B)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Straight-up masterpiece. (A)

Don't F**k with Cats. How on Earth did I not hear anything about this case when it originally happened and why is it not more widely known? A media-obsessed wanna-be serial killer caught by online sleuths? It seems like fiction. (B+)

How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan. This maybe would have been better at half the length. (B+)

1917. Technically stunning but I never truly got involved in the story because I was trying to see where the cuts were. (B+)

Icarus. Almost unbelievable where the story goes in this. (A-)

Little Women. My choice for the best 2019 movie. (A)

My Brilliant Friend (season 2). The second part of the first season set a high bar to clear, but I'm loving this season so far. (A)

Jojo Rabbit. Like Inglourious Basterds directed by Wes Anderson. (A-)

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong. Fittingly finished this on the plane to Vietnam. (B+)

Anthropocene. Typically excellent look at the impact of humans on the Earth by Edward Burtynsky. (A-)

Frances Ha. Baby Adam Driver! (B+)

Catch Me If You Can. Spielberg (and DiCaprio) at their most entertaining. (A-)

Edge of Tomorrow. Love this movie. An underrated gem. (A)

The Overstory by Richard Powers. A wonderful novel about trees and the natural world. (A)

Titanic. A masterclass of blockbuster filmmaking and storytelling. (A)

Good Place (season 4). Loved the ending to this. (A-)

Outbreak. Contagion. Deep Impact. 2012. The Core. I Am Legend. I have been watching all of the disaster movies. They are terrible and I love them. (A/C-)

The Aftermath. The ending of this felt random, a gotcha to the audience rather than the natural end to the story. (B)

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner. I had medium hopes for this, but the Seth Rogan episode made me laugh harder than I have in months. (B+)

Watchmen. The first three episodes gave me this-is-gonna-end-like-Lost vibes and then they announced there was going to be not second season, so I stopped watching. (B-)

The Farewell. Wonderful. (A-)

A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon. Started slow but finished strong. Keep your eyes peeled for all of the sci-fi references. (B+)

Birds of Prey. This was mindless. And not in a good way. (D)

McMillion$. My main takeaway was being aghast at how much time, energy, and money the FBI put into this case, which one of the lead investigators only pursued because it was fun. (B)

Star Trek: Picard. I would have voted against bringing this beloved character back (for fear they'd ruin it) but I enjoyed almost every second of this. (B+)

The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson. Another great book from Larson. The Battle of Britain is surprisingly relevant to these pandemic times. (A-)

Onward. Not my favorite Pixar, but solid as always. (B)

Future Nostalgia. Love this album, not a single weak song. (A)

The Mandalorian. It took me too long to realize that this was a western. I don't care that much for westerns. (B)

Star Wars Episodes I II III. I needed some true garbage to watch about two weeks into my self-quarantine. These movies are mostly terrible. (C-)

You're Wrong About. I've mentioned this podcast before, but You're Wrong About has become essential listening for me. The OJ and DC Sniper series are both great, and their episode Why Didn't Anyone Go to Prison for the Financial Crisis was excellent and surprisingly didn't really mention the actual crisis at all. (A)

Iron Man. Iron Man 2. Thor. Captain America: The First Avenger. The Avengers. The kids and I are rewatching all the MCU movies in release order. Some are better than others. (B)

Tiger King. I watched the first episode and...is this anything more than just gawping at yokels? Does this documentary have anything important to say about society or is it just reality TV? (C)

LBJ and the Great Society. A fascinating look at a brief moment in time when our government worked and how that happened. (A-)

The Case of the Missing Hit. You've likely heard this instant-classic episode of Reply All by now, but if you haven't, it's worth the hype. (A-)

Tempest in a Teacup. Outside/In talks to Charles Mann about a passage in 1491 about passenger pigeons, which suggested that their famous abundance was a relatively recent occurence caused by the decimation of indigenous populations in the Americas by Europeans and their diseases. (B+)

The Living Room. The episode of Love + Radio that inspired the Oscar-winning The Neighbor's Window. (A-)

Simulcast. Tycho's instrumental companion album to Weather. (B+)

Minority Report. This was cheesier than I remembered it. Hasn't aged well in some ways. (B)

Pelican Brief. So 90s. But I'd forgotten the star power of Denzel and Julia Roberts, even in a mediocre movie. (B)

Murder on the Orient Express. Rewatch. Branagh sure does chew the scenery, but it is fun to watch. (B+)

Gemini Man. Action. Sci fi. Mostly forgettable. (B-)

Yesterday. Cute flick. (B)

Monsters University. This was the only Pixar movie I had never seen. And now I have. (B)

Dark Phoenix. Slightly more entertaining than I was expecting. (B)

Past installments of my media diet are available here.