#and he was like 'no actually I think it's ok and we only have to be 60% confident we have the right person'

[ellemeditdance]

Ok, but here me out: this world is perfect, actually. I think it takes a few days for the world to notice. People would be confused about why all the work they did yesterday didn't save, but wouldn't think too much about it. You'd have several people that noticed the date not changing on their phones who are trying to figure out how to fix it but assuming it's a weird glitch. If you were mid-travel when it reset, you'd wake up and think, wow I just had the most realistic dream that we had already left. But since everyone else still has free will and is doing different things, it might take a bit before everyone catches on. But once we did? No one's going to work anymore unless they like doing their job. Money isn't real, because your bank account resets, but there's also nothing to spend money on. The food in your house doesn't expire. Nothing you buy today will be here tomorrow. Wars end because what's the point? Neither side can ever win, because any progress you make gets reset, so why not just live peacefully with each other? People who want to spend their time doing art, will do art. Only as much art as can be accomplished in a single day, but there's a sort of beauty in that, I think. Make what you can for the thrill of making, rather than because you want anyone to see it. Oral storytelling would pop off. All new music would have to be memorized and performed live. People who enjoyed their jobs handing out food at the grocery store or making the electricity work and the water run will probably keep doing those things, but for free and only when they want to. Some jobs won't exist anymore, because a lot of jobs require building on what you do from one day to the next, but we probably don't need a lot of those jobs anyway in a society where everything starts fresh every day. Someone would probably make it their personal mission to remember how many days have passed and keep track so everyone else can count time. And that one guy who wakes up every day thinking nothing has changed? He just has a memory disorder, and will hopefully be treated with love and care by those around him, as he re-adapts to his new world every day. Honestly, this is a utopia, to me.

Apparently, you are living in a time loop. Also apparently, you are the only person on Earth who DOESN'T remember the previous iterations. This is the first time you've experienced today; the rest of humanity has been stuck reliving today for years now.

[squiddy-god]

♡Will you be my valentine?♡

lads x reader

Hehehehe ok ok so i would like to say, keep in mind this is mostly based in american valentines day and not valentines/white day so i tried to mix them, but i'll do white day too. I might make some more spicy hcs later  

Cw ; fluff, gn reader (still mc but written to be inclusive), use of pet names, jealousy, possessiveness. Use of the word “bride” but in a gn way? If you know you know. Use of y/n because what else am i supposed to use?? Caleb slander in zayne’s part vice versa. Xavier, zayne, rafayel, sylus, caleb 

Xavier 

No 

He is not asking to be your valentine, you ARE his valentine and he makes that known so immediately 

The month of february hits and he sees you watching those videos of people sad their partner hasnt asked them to be their valentine and he just goes “good thing you are my valentine” 

Don't correct him and say he hasn't asked

You. are.

I can absolutely see him getting you one of those teddybears with a heart or some other stuffed animal for the holiday but he is immediately beefing

He has beef with the STUFFY HE GOT YOU. 

On a side note i think he 100% is the type to get jealous over your plushies “why do you get to sleep in their bed and i don't?” those snuggles are HIS and he won't share 

If you make him chocolate he is on cloud 9, not only does he get a snack but also its from you and means he's special~

Now if you receive chocolates from someone? Some secret admirer? He is melting those sweets with his gaze- he wants them in the trash 5 seconds ago 

I think he would get you one of those softer springtime bouquets, i feel like it just fits him more 

Zayne 

He is STRUGGLING 

I think he would ask the night before, asking if you'd like to go on a date since it is a special occasion

Based on his 100 days texts he seems like the type who even if it doesn't seem like it holds holidays like this in a surprisingly high regard. So i think he would ask if you would like to be his valentine 

Hehe milkshake date with zayne, one of the cute cheesy ones with the heart straws 

Big fan of the sweets, usually rejects any attempts to give him chocolates but for you he feels himself almost anticipating it, and when it happens he savors them throughout the day 

I think he'd be the type to give you those elegant single roses 

I can also see that he REALLY wanted to be your valentine as a kid, with those chalky candy hearts and little kid cards, he always got one frome you and he kept all of them. Unfortunately there was a dirty mutt preventing him from actually being your childhood valentine 

If you receive chocolate from some kind of admirer he is a little put off, something about it simmers under his skin just a little bit, fortunately this is an easily curd ailment- the prescription of course being 20 doses of kisses. 

Rafayel 

He's lowkey waiting for YOU to ask HIM to be your valentine.

 And he will be pouting about it 

Feel like we don't talk enough about how the little fishie is lowkey a bit scary?? He sees this as the inevitable, you are his, his valentine, his love, his bride 

His fishie <3

When one of you finally cracks and asks the other to be your valentine he is very pleased with himself. 

Long walk on the beach, picnic by the shore where the salty air can kiss your skin 

If you give him chocolate he is scarfing it down high key. Probably plays the weak frail card complaining about how his wrist hurts so clearly you have to feed him 

I can see him getting you those rainbow rose bouquets or one with lots of different colored roses to make a soft but colorful bouquet. 

Now if you received chocolate from an admirer he is pouting 

Whining frfr 

Type to go “oh why don't you go eat THEIR chocolate?” this will either last all of 5 seconds before he is switching it up and demanding kisses as repayment for emotional damages or until you don't give in (5 second max) and he's back to being dramatic 

Don't be shocked if they go missing tho 

Sylus 

Sylus does not simply ask for you to be his valentine, he woos you 

The month of february is his month to shine truly, because it starts small, subtle. 

A flower here and there, a single rose or a little heart 

It's a few days before valentines day and he's thoroughly romanced you when he pulls you close using his evol to ask if you'd like to be his valentine 

The day itself consists of you waking up, bed? Covered in rose petals. Sylus? Holding one of those really big heart shaped rose bouquets made of the glitter roses everyone went crazy for. Then dinner followed by a joyride 

Cough cough the biggest teddy bear he could find in white. 

If you give him chocolates he's sooooooo pleased. Savors them throughout the day and next day thinking about you 

Like i mentioned the rose bouquet game is top tier, his whole house is full of them, every vase full of those deep red roses because he wasn't you to look over and think of him.

Drives you to some obscure far out location to watch the stars for a while, the ride obviously enjoyable but even more so is being in his arms for such a tender moment. 

Now if you receive chocolate from someone he is so so smug, sylus gives off the vibes of like “hmm yes i know my kitten is the best, obviously they cant help but be charmed”  

Caleb 

Hs been your valentine every year since childhood (the dirty mutt in question)  

But this year is the first year he's really going to be your valentine, where he doesn't have to pretend like he doesn't mean it with his whole chest 

That isn't stopping him from teasing you, he wants to get you to admit that you want him to be your valentine

But he is a weak man, and he crumbles at the slightest hint of puppy eyes or pouting 

He is asking you on feb 1st 12:02am to be his valentine  

On the day itself he wakes you up with breakfast, heart shaped pancakes, eggs and your preferred protein 

Definitely writing something like “be mine?” on those pancakes 

I think the bouquet he gives you is a very classic one, roses and baby's breath tied with a silky red ribbon 

If you give him chocolate he is like a excited puppy, he's always given you the chocolate he gets from others, and he's always gotten chocolate from you but this time is special this time it's real 

A cute little day date around the city so he can show off that he won. And it includes those matching built a bear with the voice box. “I love you” “Miss me pipsqueak?” “i'll be home soon, love you” “*smooch smooch smooch smooch noise*” “i miss you so much y/n” for your bear and his has “i love you” “miss you so much caleb” “waiting for you at home, love you” “*smooch smooch smooch smooch*” “we’ll be together soon” and you best believe he is going to be taking that bear with him and playing those lines again and again 

If you get chocolate from someone else he is laughing on the outside but internally it's just “bomb them, keep bombing them-” if he's there when you get them he is absolutely standing behind you ominously to glare down the poor soul trying to shoot their shot. He spent your childhood puppy guarding you from elsa he is not losing now

[maenefa]

Ok, so if Eowyn wants to die in battle to avoid a worse fate at the hands of the enemy, why is it so easy to miss that??? Why does Tolkien misdirect us?

I could write a whole essay on Tolkien’s love of understatement, of meaningful silence, of “glimpses of untold stories,” but let’s focus on Eowyn for now.

Tolkien creates a suffocating bubble of silence around Eowyn. It’s brilliant and horrible and I love it and I hate it.

Faramir tells Eowyn what he thinks about her motives: “You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn…. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle.” And Eowyn doesn’t correct him! She just looks at him silently. And she declares her love for him during this scene.

Eowyn is often described as “frozen” or “cold,” and it’s clear that she has to hide her true feelings a lot of the time. Tolkien REALLY hits us over the head with the silencing of Eowyn in the Houses of Healing, when all the men are staring at her unconscious body and wondering why she was so unhappy. Eomer is positive that her crush on Aragorn was the problem; Aragorn doesn’t want to take the blame. Finally Gandalf speaks up:

“My friend, you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, being born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours.”

And then he says this:

“My lord, if your sister’s love for you, and her will still bent to her duty, had not restrained her lips, you might have heard even such things as these escape them. But who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”

Gandalf has just made the most openly feminist statement in the novel (aside from Eowyn and her “burned in the house” speech), but he follows it by saying that Eowyn has private thoughts that he cannot or will not explain. It is up to the men to decide if they want to know more. Eomer is deeply struck by Gandalf’s words and silently rethinks his entire life with Eowyn.

And then Aragorn has a truly infuriating bros-before-hoes moment: he breaks the uncomfortable silence by reassuring Eomer that yeah, maybe Eowyn’s crush on him was actually the problem after all. Just a minute earlier, he had denied responsibility for Eowyn’s despair. But he hates to see his friend, his brother in arms, feeling shamed. So he jumps in to rescue Eomer from his negative emotions. And Eowyn is RIGHT THERE, silent and unable to defend herself.

We already know that Aragorn is reluctant to know more about Eowyn’s problems. During their confrontation in Dunharrow, Aragorn dodges all of Eowyn’s attempts to make him see her point of view.

“A time may come soon,” said he, “when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.”

And she answered: “All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honor, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.”

“What do you fear, lady?” he asked.

Neither Aragorn nor Eowyn want to talk about what will happen to her if the enemy wins; this is why there is so much misdirection about Eowyn’s motives! Aragorn glosses over the atrocities that are likely to happen and tells Eowyn she can have a heroic last stand, as a treat. Eowyn is infuriated by his poetic vagueness and spits out this horrifying image of being burned alive—but then she fiercely insists that she is a warrior and fears neither pain nor death. She doesn’t want to perform feminine vulnerability to get Aragorn to listen to her. Eowyn is proud and dignified, which makes it especially painful when she resorts to kneeling and begging Aragorn to let her fight. As she tells Faramir, she desires no man’s pity.

I have to give a shoutout to @balrogballs, who has written about this subject extensively:

The cultural fantasy of the female victim of violence often traps women in an unyielding present tense, positioning them as symbols of sentimentality. These women are objectified and become sites of social intervention, their suffering the focal point of external pity and mourning. The narrative demands their pain be witnessed, but rarely offers a way forward, reducing them to objects for emotional consumption rather than subjects of their own story.

This is exactly what Eowyn is trying to avoid. She wants to be remembered as a hero, not a victim.

Tolkien embroiders this theme very cunningly by having Faramir give Eowyn a cloak that belonged to his mother, Finduilas, who died when he was five. Faramir thinks the cloak is “fitting for the beauty and sadness of Eowyn,” which has a deeper meaning that he probably does not intend. Finduilas is also the name of an elf maiden from the Silmarillion, who was captured by orcs and killed with a spear. In Tolkien’s work, both Finduilases exist mainly to provide tragic backstories for male protagonists. Oh, and Arwen’s name was originally Finduilas as well. To be a Finduilas is to be beautiful and passive, and to die tragically. A fate that Eowyn rages against.

(The Finduilas thing becomes even more absurdly cryptic when you recall that only Tolkien knew about the tragic connotation of the name at the time LotR was published. But he did this kind of thing!!! Recall Elrond and his warning against oaths.)

I have always wondered why Eowyn didn’t challenge Faramir when he informed her that she was suicidal because of Aragorn. Perhaps she simply wanted to put the whole nightmare behind her.

But the most painful silence, to me, involves Theoden. Gandalf reveals that Wormtongue was planning to rape Eowyn, and Theoden says nothing. Eomer grabs his sword and has to be restrained from killing Wormtongue, but Theoden actually offers Wormtongue a second chance to prove his loyalty:

"Do you hear this, Wormtongue?" said Theoden. "This is your choice: to ride with me to war, and let us see in battle whether you are true; or to go now, whither you will. But then, if ever we meet again, I shall not be merciful."

This betrayal of Eowyn happens so fast that it is easy to miss. None of the characters comment on it, and the narrative moves on. There’s something horribly realistic about a powerful man with a beloved image casually offering a second chance to a sexual predator and everyone, including the reader, being unable to process what is happening.

The silences in Eowyn’s story come from the male characters and from Eowyn herself. Theoden and Aragorn want to avoid talking about the type of violence that threatens her, and they ignore her desires. Eowyn doesn’t want to be trauma porn; she resents having to explain herself. And this silence offers readers the freedom to empathize with her, like Eomer, or to fall back on sexist explanations, like Aragorn.

[smiling-stel]

Ok so, im remembering someone else's point saying how Cale acts like a guardian to those younger than him but acts bratty n spoiled to those older (within respects still)

♡ Like how he cares a ton for the children n will never push them or scold them for not being able to do something

Ex. when Raon couldnt break thru the whirlwind, Cale didn't blame Raon even tho he was at a lost for what to do then proceeded to find another way

♡ But then IS pretty "hey ima do my own thing, be grateful im even Telling You" with some of the older folks/people he sees as his age (towards quite literally everyone i can think of actually- even sometimes towards the children - tho ig it could be "you don't need to know, you don't need to worry" mentality, perhaps a mix

Ex. Cale toward Alberu when he's like, "ill get u the Mage Tower, gimme money, trust" etc.

So im thinking

♡ Cale showing these subtle reactions to being pampered, but then he start basically Demanding It in an almost a "tell me to go away, I dare you" while still flinching, freezing, or stiffening up when ofc he receives/is let to do what he wants before quickly melting into it, perhaps almost tsundare/cat-like (ong I hate labeling it as such, but thats basically what I'm imagining orz)

[Tldr at the bottom of the break]

- I continue on w examples i half pull out my bum + rewrite my pt better

♤ And we do see this w Cale's brattiness towards Alberu in canon

We see him start w taking cookies for Raon or to eat it himself, but then he just starts- breaking into? Alberu's bedroom or office??

♤ Like sIR TToTT LMAOO. But I think he can "justify the rudeness" cause he's quite literally only bothering Alberu when it benefits him or the kingdom

-

♧. But then we see it also with the mindful disrespect Cale gives Ron, the guy he was lowkey terrified of even before knowing he was an assassin, and yet continued to treat with the same "you are legally working under me" curt manner of speech regardless

. Which is a bit insane of Cale tbh cause also Ron was older than him -- ik Korea emphasizes a base-line respect hierarchy via age, and Cale was conscious of that towards Choi Han, but tbh I cant remmeber any internal dialouge of Cale's take on Ron being older than him cause -- he's alw treated Ron with "do this cause my family pays you" speech mannerism

♧ So the "were giving you money to work in a position lower than mine" overrides:

- his Fear of Ron,

- the built in "treat elders w manners" most cultures have,

- but also most people's learned basic politeness filter, [cause others being in a position lower than yours doesnt mean you have to speak to them curtly]--- (and we know Cale does indeed know basic politeness cause he can easily bullsht his way into stardom (ex. Jungle arc/when he first meets Alberu/whevever he handles civilians))

::without the usual politeness you'd have asking someone else do something, even if it Was their job (ex. Most people still ask "do you know where the sauce is?" or "wheres this sauce?" to a grocery employee instead of straight up "take me to the sauce./get me this sauce." If that makes sense;

that instinctual polite unliteral manner of phrasing cause "do you know where the sauce is? Ofc they do, they work here >> oh but that demand of "take me to the sauce" is phrased as an almost hypothetical manner to save your own face. It changes the demand into a request, giving the worker still a way to refuse n not have the situation become akward**

** sorry I learned this in my linguistics class n I'm excited to info dump-

♧ Like- bro has more reasons to speak more politely to Ron than not-- and yet he never stops commanding Ron without sugarcoating/politeness-filtering anything

So if that ain't bratty--- hiding behind the employer contract frfr

-

Ok so Alberu he justifies is rudeness as "im helping the both of us, shut up and trust me"

Ron its "you're working under me so ima use you like I should"

◇ what of Eruhaben then? (Hopefully I'm spelling his name right, the golden dust dragon)

Eruhaben doesnt need to benefit from Cale (initially, when they first meet), nor is he ever hired, under contract, or even under oath to work with their crew. He's seen as someone immensely powerful and could absolutely clock them and their whole kingdom if aggro-ed, and yet Cale proceeds to interact with this ancient dragon older than everyone in this world except maybe the World Tree (often signifying the START of a world so Erubenny here's currently second oldest existance ever during Cale's time??) - interacting as if blud was just ur average joe----

Dawg TToTT. Cale. Your fearlessness is CRAZYY. Anyways Eldest Existance Goldie here is turned into a Gramps for the children and ong thats already a ton of audacity of Cale n his crew to do that to the guy

◇ But what does Cale do next--?? Cause at least he's decent enough to not ask Eruhaben to take care of every bit of their human problems (which is probably how Cale's able to justify treating Eruhaben as a Babysitter, L)

◇ what he does next is fcking sbdbsbvd [extends] this Eldest of the Elders* lifespan. Partly to benefit Eruhaben (but blud was alr accepting how it was his time so couldnt care less ab dying), and mostly to benefit the children, specifically Raon, the baby dragon under his care.

TTTTTOTTTTTT WHAT A REAL ONE AJDUUEGSHGSHSHHHSHHH

*I say eldest, but im aware there were dragons n other existances living before Eruhaben, but in the time of the story takes place, Goldie Gramps is one of the oldest existances in that world, yea

◇ does this count as Cale being a brat?? Tho it mutually benefits both parties, it does still impose Cale's agenda (having a mentor figure and babysitter for the Raon, n also a senior dragon in his crew) onto Eruhaben who - as I've said before - was Hella ready to cozy up 6 ft under. Brother probbaly already went thru his stages of grief before Cale was even born, thats how Not in his Plan Cale's push for a life extension was--

◇ and Cale continues to push when Eruhaben makes his stance clear he shouldn't extend his life, he's tired, use the artifact on someone else, etc. Etc. Cale knew to be pushy?? To continue bothering Gramps like that?? Cause it works out, Eruhaben does give in with seemingly no regrets after--

Cale. Who knows how to take a no (when it doesn't involve his own health anyway). How we see him not asking the OP cast in his crew [[literally most his main crew]] for an easy way out if he, himself, can't logic out any benefits for them directly >> even if those people are willingly like "take me off the bench, coach!!"

Ex. How he keeps Choi Han around to "make him the hero" only for the guy to refuse any title or land from being rewarded by the feds (Prince Alberu) and suddenly Cale doesnt know what to do w him, but like, let's him stay by his side anyway cause he said he wanted to (similar to Raon tbh, aww the trio frfr) -- but Cale rarely actually orders Choi Han to do anything (I might need to fact check this tbh) its a just a ton of Choi Han "I need to get stronger to be more helpful!" N acting sybiosisly w Cale's plans til Cale eventually expects Choi Han's involvement n just alw has a place for him in his plans (if it isn't solo altruistic time that is)

Tldr; Cale --- who takes care of the littles, and is a brat to the elders *with justification* --- would totally start demanding/doing these acts of warmth after some time

Perhaps first tsundere-like in the "i deserve this" manner like he does with his "act" of being a papered noble son

@penguin-stars talks ab this pt really well in this post [here]

only to still stiffen once the others allow it + even support it, and then eventually find a place for himself in all that warmth of his new family n friends <333

Do you think Cale would stand along the edges of the group when they're all happy and domestic sometimes...? Just feeling kind of disconnected and distant because this amount of happiness and this amount of closeness was just a distance dream when he was roksoo

Maybe he watches the children get praised and he's so proud of them, but can't help but feel the dull ache of jealousy. Of course, he would also add to the pile of praise and love, but deep inside his inner child just... Aches. Deep inside he just wishes he could've had this when he was younger. The praise, the love, the gentle touches full of warmth. Maybe he just can't help but feel so far away because it feels so.. unreal. He's never had the chance to properly grow up, so he definitely wishes for these kids to grow up happy, loved, cherished, and healthily. Hell, he will make sure they do.

Maybe he freezes when the kids first begin to hug him? The warmth is foreign, but not unwelcome... So he indulges them. Giving them the love and affection that he wishes he received as roksoo. Turns out he's also touch starved as well, so he grows to love these interactions with the children. Eventually he starts initiating them by himself, finding his hand gently carding through On or Hong's hair, or maybe his hand rubbing circles on the small of Rain's back? But only for the children. Children are honest, children are safe. He doesn't know how to tell his friends he wishes to be closer. So he keeps quiet, inner child longing and aching.

He watches the way Ron interacts with Beacrox. The way on the outside they're stoic and seemingly cold, almost like some sort of business exchange. He sees it though. The way Ron's eyes soften when he watches his son cook, the pride that swirls behind those eyes just for his son. He feels in an outsider. Sure, he has his family, but could he really be considered theirs? He feels like an imposter, coming into their home with their son's body and face, so he only watches as they bond. The warmth of just being within distance is both soothing and never enough. He distances himself in hopes of keeping these pesky feelings in check. He tells himself to be happy with what he has because it's already a blessing to have so many people who stay with him because they want to be with him.

Maybe he doesn't know how to interact with parental figures, feeling awkward when they welcome him. His mind convinces him that their welcome is just polite. When he agrees to act as Naru, he thinks of it as just a deal. Both parties benefit from it. As Fredo continues to shower him with gifts and love, he finds himself relaxing in the warmth. Just for a bit. Then he walls himself off again. He receives a toy as a gag gift one day. Some sort of play set that they (maybe Alberu and Rosalyn) think would make him give them a deadpan look in return. They're shocked as they silently watch Naru's eyes sparkle as he explores the set. His touch soft, so so soft, as if the toys were an illusion that would crumble away if he were to rough. They expect a sarcastic "thanks" with some sort of annoyed look paired with it. Instead they watch from behind their disguised friend, barely hearing the whispered "...thank you" because Naru's voice is just above a whisper. (His ears are red as he thanks them, he doesn't turn away from the set. Too happy to have received it because it resembles the one he had always longingly gazed at through the display windows. He couldn't ask for it, so he just looks on, smaller hands pressed against the cool glass in his memory).

He's on guard while he stays with Fredo, but his inner child can't help but cheer at the unlimited food and sweet. Happy to be able to just receive instead of all the give give give he's had to do growing up. He feels warm as he nibbles on a cookie, sitting on a plush couch.

Cale is too scared though. He doesn't reach out, bringing this love closer to him and claiming them as his. He just accepts the in the moment love that's directed towards him, grateful for what he can get.

And they slowly begin to notice the longing in his eyes. The way he attentively watches as the children are introduced to more games and experiences. (It hurts them more later on when they learn what kind of world he had grown up in as Roksoo).

Cale doesn't seem to notice the loving looks he receives from the people around him. He just assumes that it isn't for him. So when Eruhaben starts to press his cool hands against his forehead, gently grasping his face as the dragon checks him over for any more injuries... He finds himself overjoyed. Confused, but overjoyed.

Or when he finds himself noticing how Rosalyn and Choi han seem to sit ever so closer, with their legs pressed against his and their arms brushing against him. He finds himself relaxing, just appreciating the feeling of being close with them.

Cale treasures the people around him. They notice how Cale feeds the children before himself, watching them eat for a few minutes before he breaks out of some sort of train of thought. (He can't forget the days where food was limited. The cries of poor, innocent children when their stomachs felt like they would just collapse inwards and consume itself. He doesn't ever want to see the people he loves have to think before eating, rationing off some incase there isn't food next time). Alberu gifts him more snacks-- batches of cookies that are easily shared and plentiful enough that he doesn't hesitate before eating some himself. Beacrox cooking more and more, trying to show that if Cale asked, he will receive. How there's plenty of food to go around.

(he grew up in such an unstable environment that being this secure feels like a dream).

I wanna write a fic... But I'm not that confident in my writing sdjdjhff

[rebeccamix]

actually l o s i n g my marbles over how much I love the cover for I KILLED THE KING. I just know this is going to look unreal in print like??? LOOK AT HER??

(design is by corina lupp, illustration by matt griffin)

I just...outside of my writer brain being pleased by the fact that we got all six characters on the cover and it's chalk full of hints, I also just love it?! I FINALLY GOT MY NEON BOOK!! now pray for me as I do my best to weasel my way into getting my dream color combo for book two.

I think, of all my books, this one is the easiest to get into for non-fantasy readers, but it'll still hopefully be deeply rewarding for avid fantasy heads regardless. it's also the pace-iest and biggest ensemble cast / found family sitch I've ever done, and includes some of my favorite jokes I can't believe I got away with lmao.

official description below, but basically all you need to know is it's like knives out swallowed one of us is lying and started hallucinating. writing a six POV magical murder mystery genuinely almost killed me but the end result was so worth it.

ok here's the Actual Professional Pitch:

One of Us Is Lying meets Knives Out—with beasts, murder, and magic—in this first book in a thrilling locked-room whodunnit YA fantasy duology by Andrea Hannah and New York Times bestseller Rebecca Mix.

After a decade of war, the kingdoms of Avendell and Istellia have finally agreed to peace. As nobles and magic wielders from both countries arrive at remote Castle Avendell for a historic all-night masquerade to celebrate, King Costis summons an unlikely group to his chambers: the crown prince, his Istellian bride-to-be, his personal guard, a wild beast teamer, and the palace’s questionable new healer. But before Costis can reveal why he has gathered them, the castle goes dark.

When the lights come back, the king is dead—murdered with the princess’s knife, in a weak spot only his guard knew of, and with venom from one of the beast tamer’s monsters lacing the blade.

With no clear killer—and everyone a suspect—they make a risky pact: Tell no one until the treaty is signed. But when a winter storm seals everyone inside and someone aware of the king's untimely death begins to pick off guests one by one, the six suspects must work together to discover who killed the king . . . before one of them is next.

MAN I AM SO EXCITED FOR PEOPLE TO READ THIS WEIRD MURDER BOOK!!

[lycheeloving]

Second chapter!! Happy Valentine's day <3

Bruce finds you at work and doesn't leave you alone.

< first chapter

The next day at work, it all feels like a fever dream. Did you really meet Bruce Wayne? And talk to him all night? You feel a bit nauseous just thinking about it, but you just remind yourself that you'll never see him again. Even if you did get along really well...

Whatever, you'll just daydream about kissing him in the moonlight, that's just as fun as the real thing, right? Not that you could compare it to the real thing,  you'd have to kiss someone at some point to know what it's like.

Maybe you should have kissed Bruce yesterday, he certainly seemed like he would have been ok with that, but that was probably just wishful thinking anyways. Oh well, too late now.

The bell that lets you know somebody entered the store rings and rips you out of your thoughts. Fuck. You hate when there's costumers, which is why you chose to work at the shittiest bookstore in Gotham. And are hiding in the back.

You're supposed to say something like "I'll be right with you!", but you're not going to do that. You hate talking loudly. Especially to strangers, especially when you can't even see them. But you never even say anything when you're out in the front and making direct eye contact with them, so whatever. You just hope they won't ask you for help with finding anything, just having to ring them up is bad enough...

Why do you have to get costumers at all? Fuck, you should really look for a job with less contact to people, but this is the best you've been able to find so far.

You reluctantly leave the safety of the back room, only to find a guy in an oversized hoodie and sunglasses absolutely beaming at you. Why is he looking at you like that? Should you know him?

Only when he takes the sunglasses off do you realize that it's Bruce. No way, how did he find you? You feel your palms getting sweaty.

"Finally! I found you! Do you know how hard it was to find this book store with the minimal description you gave me?" 

Not hard enough, apparently, considering that he was able to find you this soon. It hasn't even been a full day!

He's still smiling at you. "I've been to multiple book stores this morning! I'm so glad you told me you'd be working today, or I would have had to ask everyone if you're one of their coworkers!"

"Yeah, well, if I had wanted you to show up here, I would have given you more details, probably." You deadpan, hoping your voice isn't shaking.

He's not deterred, he just keeps talking as if you hadn't said anything: "Wanna get lunch with me? When's your break? We could go to that café around the corner that I saw on my way here!"

Is he not getting that you don't want him here? Well, you do want him here, but you don't. You want him to think you don't want him here so he'll leave before you can embarrass yourself.

"I can't leave for my break, I have to stay here. I'm the only one working right now, I can't just- just lock up and get something to eat." Your boss actually allowed you to do just that, but when you came back from doing it the first time, an angry costumer was waiting for you and yelled at you for 10 minutes about how it's rude to just close the store in the middle of the day. You don't want a repeat of that, so you started eating your lunch at work whenever there were no costumers. Which is almost always, luckily.

"I could go get you something and we can eat here! It doesn't seem like you get a lot of costumers so we won't even be disturbing anyone!" Why is he so persistent? Can't he go talk to some supermodel or something?

"I'm not hungry." You kind of are, actually.

"That's fine, we can just talk! I just wanted to spend some time with you. You know, I haven't clicked with anyone like this in a long time, I couldn't just let you go."

Wait, is he serious? Well, why else would he go through the effort of looking for you... But still, you can't quite believe it. Are you being pranked?

"You should go. What if costumers start showing up? I'm sure you don't want some weird fan to recognize you."

Bruce ignores what you say and stays. He talks to you for about half an hour, well, mostly he talks at you, until he has to leave because his lunch break is over. You just stand there, perplexed. Does he really want to hang out with you?

He returns the next day. And the next. And the next. Every day, always during his lunch break. It takes a few times until you stop trying to ignore him, a few more times until you start actually talking to him, and a few more times until you agree to eat lunch with him. Not go anywhere else, just eat your own lunch at the bookstore.

You can't stop yourself from trying to push him away a little bit, though.

You put down your fork. "You know, it's rude of you to keep visiting me at work, where I can't just leave. This is basically harassment."

"If you want me to go, I'll go. Just say so, and I'll never show up here again, I promise."

You don't want him to leave. Well, you do, because you don't want to get even more attached, but you don't, because, well, you're getting attached. You can't bring yourself to make him leave.

You huff and roll your eyes. "Whatever." You pick your fork back up and continue eating.

He tries to suppress a smile. Gross. He's so cute.

Whenever he catches you playing a silly game on your phone (which is basically every time he enters the store, as you love slacking off), he insists on befriending you on it if possible, so when you're not hanging out he'll send you a booster on your candy-crush-esque game, or play against you on a quiz app.

Sometimes he uses the chat option there to tell you to go to sleep when it's late and he catches you playing, even though he's obviously awake as well! Hypocrite. It makes you smile every time. 

One day while you're eating lunch together, a few months after he first showed up, he puts down his fork and says: "I think I need to make this more clear. I am interested in you romantically. I want to date you."

You almost spit out your lunch, but manage to swallow it without choking. "H- Wh- Huh? What?"

"We can just be friends, I'd love to be friends, we already are friends, in my opinion, but I would also love to date you. So if one day you decide that you want to date me, please let me know."

You already want to, but you will absolutely not be informing him of that, thanks. Asking for what you want? What are you, a well adjusted person? You blink owlishly at him instead of saying anything. That should suffice as a response, right? No, you should probably say something.

"...Look, even if I was interested in dating you—", which, again, you literally are, but why would you tell him that;

"—you're famous, and at some point it would come out that I was dating you, and the paparazzi would publish one single picture of me and I'd immediately panic so hard I would pass out and die. This—" You point your fork between the two of you. "—is already risky enough. Whatever this is, anyway."

Bruce, as always, chooses not to address the parts of what you were saying that were clearly your anxiety speaking and simply grins.

"So you do want to date me? It sounds to me like you're just looking for excuses. Don't worry, if I don't want anyone to know about you, noone will! People don't tend to recognize me when I'm not wearing a suit, especially in environments where they're not expecting me, so anywhere outside of my workplace and fancy parties. It's worked so far, hasn't it? Not a single person has recognized me here! Dating won't change that. So, if you do want to go on a date with me, just say the word. Please."

What word? Wait, he means that metaphorically, right? No, but seriously, what would you say, how would you say that without sounding totally weird?

"That's not what I was saying. At all. Stop misinterpreting me." You roll your eyes at him. He changes the topic, but he keeps smiling until he has to leave.

Lying awake that night, you think about what he said. Does he actually like you? Or is he just pretending, because he likes a challenge? Knew you'd be difficult to get close to, and he gets a kick from being someone's first relationship, kiss, everything, and then leaving them? You feel nauseous and you suddenly feel cold. How are you supposed to figure this out? You try to tell yourself that it's only your anxiety speaking, that Bruce is actually a nice person and wouldn't do that, but you can't quite convince yourself.

The next day, your way home after work (and after pretending your conversation with Bruce yesterday didn't happen, which luckily he played along with), you see something on the ground that reflects the light in a way that catches your eye.

What is that? It's kind of hidden behind a trash can.

You take a step closer, hoping it's not some kind of trap, but you can't think of a villain who would hide shiny things on the floor to kill civilians. At least not in that color, the Joker would make it colorful, and this object appears to be... black?

Oh, it's a Batarang! You've never seen one up close, but they can't be super rare with how often people online post about having found one, there's even one guy who collects them and has an entire wall plastered with them. Allegedly. People online are saying that most of them are probably replicas, but you can't tell, as you've never seen a real one. Until now.

That makes you think, just how many Batarangs does Batman have? More than enough if he let's random people keep them. You think about picking it up and taking it with you. It would be really cool to have a Batarang...

You reach out towards it, but stop right before you touch it. Is it stuck in the floor? Fuck, just how sharp are those things...?

Maybe you should leave it here, you'd just cut your hand open on it, trying to get it unstuck.

Plus, maybe Batman will find this one if you leave it here, and then re-use it! Reduce, re-use, recycle, Batman!

You leave it where you found it, after taking a few pictures of it as proof.

The next day, Bruce asks you if you did anything interesting yesterday, like he does every time he sees you. Usually you'd say no, but you did find that Batarang... Would Bruce care about that?

While you're contemplating, Bruce says: "You'd have said no by now if nothing had happened! Come on, please tell me?"

Fine! Whatever! You'll tell him, even if he'll probably think it's boring.

"Ok, so, on my way home yesterday... I found a Batarang. And, um, it got me thinking, well, first of all, how many of those does that guy have? If he's just leaving them lying around like that, right? Oh, and, it was so sharp, it was stuck in the floor, though I guess maybe that just means Batman is really strong? Either way, I thought he doesn't kill, right, but considering what he's working with it's a miracle no criminal has ended up dead yet, right?" You stop rambling, realizing that Bruce hasn't said anything yet. At least he appears to be amused.

"You have a lot of thoughts about Batman, huh?" He grins. "Yeah, he must have tons of those things, I've seen the posts. Did you take it with you?" He didn't respond to your killing thoughts... Oh well, you did give him a lot of information all at once.

"No, I didn't... But I thought about it! I mean, it seems like that's what everyone else is doing, but with it being stuck in the floor like that I was worried I would cut my hand open trying to get it unstuck! And with my luck there would have been germs or poison on it and my wound would have gotten infected, like, immediately, and I would have died. So I left it there for Batman to hopefully find again. I mean, he should probably be reusing the ones he already has, right? Reduce, reuse, recycle, I'm just helping Batman be more climate friendly!" There you go, rambling again.

Bruce seems almost too amused at all of this.

"Well, do you want it? I can come with you when your shift is over and help you get it unstuck, if you want. If nobody else has already taken it. I'm sure Batman won't mind. And if it ever comes out that he's not trying his best to be climate friendly, I'll personally go kick his ass, I promise."

"Uh. Um. You don't have to do that!"

"...Kick his ass or go get the batarang for you?"

"I meant getting the batarang, but also please don't fight Batman. He'd wipe the floor with you. No offense."

"Well, first of all, I think I'm just as strong as Batman-" You roll your eyes at him. Dork.

"And second of all, I don't have to get it for you, but I want to. Please let me?"

Ok. Fuck. Whatever. This is the first time you'll be seeing him outside of work, excluding your first meeting.

"Uh. Ok? I, um, my shift ends at 8."

"I'll pick you up in front of the store, then. It's a date!"

"Uh! No, well, yes, but, it- um-"

"I'm just teasing you." He winks at you. Winks! Is he trying to kill you? You turn your face towards your food so you don't have to look at him. Asshole. Stop being so hot.

Later, at 8, he's already waiting for you in front of the store while you're locking up.

"Ready to go?" He smiles.

"Uh, yeah! Sure!"

You start leading the way to where you found the batarang, talking about whatever comes to mind on the way.

Finally, about halfway on your way home, you reach the place where the batarang should be. You hope it's still there, but somebody else could have taken it. You push the trashcan it was behind to the side, and...

There it is!

"Look, it's still here!" You turn around to Bruce, smiling. He smiles back. You fight the urge to giggle or hide your face behind your hands, he needs to stop being so cute.

"Didn't you say it's stuck in the ground? Why wouldn't it be here anymore?"

"Uh, you said you'd help me get it out? Somebody else could have done the same thing!"

"Right. But they don't have my getting batarangs unstuck from the ground skills."

You roll your eyes. How often could Bruce have come in contact with a batarang? His only advantage compared to you is that he's stronger and not afraid of cutting his hand open. At least that's what you think.

You watch as he grabs the batarang and gets it unstuck in seconds. Seriously? It was that easy?

"Woah. I think I would have been able to do that myself, that looked super easy. Sorry to have made you come all this way..." Apparently it wasn't stuck in there as much as you thought? Even if a considerable part of it disappeared beneath the ground. Hm. Weird. Maybe there was a batarang shaped hole there before it landed there? Or Bruce is just a lot stronger than he looks.

"No, I'm glad I came along! I wouldn't have wanted you to cut yourself accidentally." He wraps the batarang in a piece of fabric. Some kind of rich people tissue, maybe.

"Let me carry it home for you?" He looks at you in a way that makes you melt a little bit. Ok, fine.

"Oh, uh, sure!" You did enjoy walking around with him. And not just because walking with someone in Gotham is safer than doing it alone.

"Also we could maybe order dinner? And eat together at your place?" And let him into your apartment that's not cleaned up? That looks shitty even when it is cleaned up?

"Don't push it."

"Or we could go somewhere? I'll pay, of course."

And absolutely embarrass yourself and make him never want to see you again and talk about you to journalists that you're a horrible person, which gets published in every newspaper ever so you have to move and change your name? Ok, maybe that was a bit dramatic.

Bruce can clearly see the anxiety on your face.

"It doesn't have to be a date, if you don't want that."

Be brave! Be brave! You can do this!

"Uh." You almost choke on your words. "And... if I do... want that...?"

You might actually pass out, this is horrible. If he doesn't respond in less than a second, your flight response is going to win and you'll run away. And quit your job, so he can't find you again.

"That would be wonderful! We can take it slow, ok? Absolutely no pressure to do anything you don't want to do whatsoever, I promise."

You nod, not feeling brave enough to say anything. Maybe those were your last words ever.

"So... Dinner at your place? As a date?"

You nod again. Shit, fuck. Are you actually going to date Bruce Wayne? What were you thinking? Wait, does going on one date even mean you're 'dating' him? What's the definition here?

You start walking again, leading Bruce to where you live. If he hates your apartment and leaves and you never see him again that's fine and you'll be able to handle it, right? But that won't happen, so calm down. But if it did happen, you'll be fine and ok and fine. It's fine! Oh fuck, what if you misunderstood him? Did he even mean dinner tonight? Are you embarrassing yourself by assuming he'll come with you right now?

Bruce walks right beside you and starts talking again.

"I'll order. What do you want?" While saying this, he puts an arm around your shoulder. You tense. Woah.

"You said you'd take it slow!" Look at that, you can talk again.

"Too much?" Yes. But also no. But yes. But no.

"I don't know! Maybe?" He takes his arm away and you can breathe again, but somehow at the same time you miss his warmth.

"Don't worry, I'll take it so slow. The slowest. You won't regret dating me, I promise. This'll be so much fun, you'll see." He smiles.

You don't know about that, but you do know that at the very least it'll be interesting. You hope he won't notice you looking up what the definition of dating is on your phone while he's ordering food later.

[xylatox]

Loving you is forever, a Lee Heeseung fic by Kiki :) I'm so excited to finally read it!!

(I reblogged this on the wrong account for a sec lmfao oops)

I just wanna say, her daughter's names being Heejin and having the same starting syllables as Heeseung is so cute whether it was intentional or not. And her nickname being Bambi:(((( I bet she has boba eyes like her dad, this is so cute:((

karina is your best friend, sister even, you have known each other since you were little, even though she was only a few months older than you she was often that older sister you never had, guiding you through new experiences together and you just wished that when you grew up together, you realized sooner that she was also navigating those new experiences alongside you.— already loving the sisterly bond she has with Karina despite not being blood related. Reader staying in Seattle 👀 I wonder what's her relationship with Jay lol, I can't help but think about it.

Omg they're cousins😭 that is so cute, I already love the calm and chaotic duo vibes they have going on thats so heartwarming.—when you got in trouble for getting a C- on your chemistry exam, jay vouched for you and said that the chemistry teacher at your high school was sexist and punished all the girls in the class. — LMFAO😭😭😭 no but if a teacher ever did this that's actually insane. I love seeing all the memories reader and Jay have shoeing how deep their relationship is, it's so cute.

His relationship with his niece is so cute too like, the nicknames🥹🥹 I'm softly.—“yes… bambi. it’s her favorite movie so i nicknamed her bambi…” you respond, trying to avoid his stare. “no other reason?” he asks and you shoot him a glare. “alright alright. i’ll drop it. it’s a cute nickname anyway.” he confesses and you mutter a small thank you, thankful that he’s not prying any longer. — Jay and I on the same wavelength frfr.

Getting the history between reader and Hee:(((( omg, I'm so sad and the fact that only Jay knows Hee is the dad ahhhh :((

she looks up at you with her big doe eyes and for a second you see the uncanny resemblance of her and her father. “mama, who is my dad?” the question comes as a shock to you because although she had asked before, she’s never let the absence of her father trouble her the way it has now. your mouth slightly opens at her question but you quickly recollect yourself so she doesn’t notice your demeanor falter, afraid that your expression could cause her more worry if she was to realize how you reacted to her question. — going to cry my eyes out, poor baby :(((((

even if it made him feel crazy because love makes you do crazy things. — Hee is so in love with her I'll sob.—you were truly the girl of his dreams and now that you were back; he wasn’t going to let you go so easily like last time. — we love a man who's dedicated. It makes me wonder if reader was afraid or misunderstood things causing her to leave :((( seeing how he dealt with things when she left breaks my heart sm.

you were a bit upset, especially because jay was the one that knew what happened with everything out of all of the people in your life. you made sure to bring this up to your cousin when you had the chance, keeping in mind that jay would get a piece of your mind about this. — reader is so cute, but I definitely think confrontation is best and getting clarity and closure.

“are you ok, yn?” heeseung asked and his voice sounded muffled to you and as he scooted closer, the image of heeseung in your vision blurred and doubled like he was a mirage. you were starting to get light headed and that was when you knew that you were going to faint, the anxiety had taken over your brain and before you knew it your eyes were fluttering closed and heeseung was catching you in his arms before your body could fall over onto the coffee table. — wait omg, this is such a real response, like, I didn't know it happened to others but my anxiety attacks are the exact same way😭

Now the full backstory is known:((( I understand reader's perspective and I absolutely don't blame her for thinking she's a rebound, that's so sad no :( it's just a big misunderstanding, but it will take time to deal with that too but I love that she invited him to Heejin's birthday.

“you know.. not to be a conspiracy theorist but doesn’t heejin look like.. heeseung?” winter asks, whispering to sunghoon as she walks a bit closer to him. “no, i see it too. also, the nickname? we used to say heeseung looks like a baby deer all the time when we were in college and yn nicknamed her daughter bambi?” sunghoon adds and winter looks at him like he’s just spilled the deepest secret one can hold. — it absolutely took them long enough to realize it imo😭

Heejin calling Heeseung dad by mistake and him not even knowing its his child yet, my heart can't take it.

Omg, I absolutely loved the ending, I loved how they resolved their misunderstandings and just became a completed family. Their dynamic is so cute and I'm so glad they got their happy ending.

loving you is forever ⋆˚ʚɞ

pairing: lee heeseung x reader 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ ♡

synopsis: after a one night stand leaves you with a lasting memory of the boy you left behind in the name of your daughter, heejin. you finally decide that it was time to move back home to south korea after living abroad for the last 5 years. reuniting with your old friends was everything you could've wished for as they welcomed you and your daughter; but you don't think you could ever prepare yourself to face the father of your child.

warnings: profanity, kissing, suggestive, mentions of hooking up/one night stands, drinking, characters are in their late 20s, absent father!heeseung (but its not his fault) implying that they didn't use a condom (wrap it up!!), overall 18+

genre: single mom!reader x heeseung, old friends to lovers, kind of exes to lovers, one night stand, angst, romance, drama, hurt/comfort, slow burn-ish

wc: 16558 (idk what happened i swear i blanked out writing this)

hoonieyun notes: she's finally here djfkd it took so long to finish this because i didn't want to rush it and feel like i just had to get it done to get it done. i really hope you all enjoyed this piece of work, i loved writing it and i just want to say: happy valentine's day!! you are all so deserving to be loved and surrounded by those who love you <3

the days of being in seoul, south korea felt just like yesterday when you were a college student awake at 3am eating a hot bowl of ramen after a long night of studying. ramen was your favorite thing back then but as you’ve gotten older, the days of being a broke college student turned into meticulous routine based days where all your focus went to raising your daughter, heejin. 

ramen was your favorite, past tense. 

you cut the habit of eating ramen so often because you needed to choose healthier options for yourself, setting an example for your daughter that although convenient and inexpensive, eating instant ramen so often wasn’t the healthiest for you. 

even though you were her mom, your daughter taught you a lot and you were constantly learning as you grew together. she taught you new habits that made living better like learning to take it easy and lounging around the house with your favorite snacks while watching your favorite show was the best way to clear your head and relax. 

you also learned that your previous lifestyle of putting others over yourself was something that would stay with you as you’d do anything for your daughter even if it meant that you sacrifice things that are meant for you if it means that your daughter would have what she wanted. 

the air when stepping outside of the airport is crisp, the snow has melted into a thin layer of water coating the ground and it’s slightly cold but nothing a puffer coat couldn’t fix. you looked over to your daughter who was fiddling with the zipper on her own puffer coat, “bambi, you have to keep your jacket on or you’ll get sick.” you softly tell your daughter as you crouch down to her level, zipping her coat back up and adjusting the hood of her hoodie that she had layered under. she pouts to herself but ultimately knows better than to argue because she knows mom is right and because she hates being sick. 

when heejin was 4 years old, she had gotten a cold for the first time and although she enjoyed being at home cuddled up under a fuzzy blanket with her favorite plush toy; she hated having a runny nose and being forced to take the yucky medicine, her words not yours– although you agree. 

your phone rings and karina’s contact photo lights up on the screen, “hi, yn! i’m here, what pick-up area are you at?” she asks on the other end of the phone, slightly louder than usual so you assume she’s yelling into her car’s built in phone call feature to avoid having to drive with her phone in her hand. you tell her that you’re at arrivals 12 and soon enough you can see karina driving up to you and heejin in her silver suv. karina is your best friend, sister even, you have known each other since you were little, even though she was only a few months older than you she was often that older sister you never had, guiding you through new experiences together and you just wished that when you grew up together, you realized sooner that she was also navigating those new experiences alongside you. 

“yn!! it’s been so long!!!” karina cheers as she steps out of her car, rounding the vehicle to give you a warm hug, rocking the two of you side to side as you wrap your own arms around her. “been too long.” she says, emphasizing the words like you were away for a long time. in a lot of ways you were. 5 years is a lot of time away from someone but to you those 5 years went by so much faster.

“is this heejin?” she asks, crouching down to your daughter so she can greet the child. “hi heejin, im aunt karina but you can call me rina, ok?” she says, softly shaking heejin’s small hand with two fingers. “hi auntie rina!” heejin says happily, throwing her hands into the air with a smile. 

your daughter was probably the most cheerful and joyful child you’ve ever met. she never threw fits, rarely cried after the age of 2, and was very social with strangers. flashing her cute smile that would instantly melt stranger’s hearts garnering you a, “such a cute baby!” every time they’d see her. 

karina stands back up straight and helps you pack your luggage into her trunk, “is this all you brought?” she asks and you explain that you didn’t want to pack too many things because moving with a lot of belongings would make it difficult. you had only flown with 4 suitcases and had 2 boxes shipped over from your old home. opting to only take what truly was important and other material things could simply just be repurchased. 

you and karina share another hug before strapping your daughter into her carseat and taking a seat into the passenger side of the car. you and karina catch up like no time has passed, acting like you two were only separated for a few days when in reality it was 5 years. of course the two of you spoke on the phone every now and then while you were abroad but the time difference interfered. 

“how was seattle? do you miss it already?” she asks and you have to think about the question. do you miss seattle? or were you happy to be back. 

“i'm not sure to be honest. i don’t think ive been away long enough to miss it yet.” you simply say and she nods, “well i know you must’ve seoul. i know we missed you.” she says, glancing over to you 

you smile at her remark and tell her that you’ve missed korea and her a lot. those 5 years in seattle went by fast because of your daughter but being away from all of your friends and even your parents was tough. you stayed with your aunt and uncle who lived in seattle who so kindly opened their home for you and 2 years after giving birth to heejin, you had enough saved up to get the two of you a small but perfect 1 bedroom apartment. it was enough for the two of you but to your daughter it was like she was living in a castle; and that’s all that mattered– knowing your daughter was happy. 

“you ok?” karina asks and you’re brought back to reality. “yeah, just reminiscing i guess.” you respond and karina chuckles. 

“don’t tell me you’re already thinking about going back? you can’t leave just yet, i’m not letting you go.” karina retorts and the two of you burst out into laughter. you reassure her that you weren’t going to leave korea any time soon and that you’d have ample amount of time together to catch up and make so many more memories. 

“plus, i’ve got 5 years to catch up with my favorite niece. right, heejin?” she asks, looking over to your daughter in the rearview mirror. “yes aunty rina!” heejin says cheerfully. you laugh at them both and give karina a funny look, “she’s your only niece dude.” you say and karina shrugs, “and? she’s still my favorite!”. 

the rest of the car ride is filled with more chit chatting and laughing, happy that the two of you are finally reunited and that you weren’t separated by thousands of miles. soon enough karina is pulling up to your home and she’s quite impressed. while living in the states you had saved enough money to purchase a beautiful home here in seoul. 

it’s not the biggest but it has everything you need for you and your daughter. it has 2 rooms and 2 bathrooms, an office space for your work, a big living room with enough space for your daughter to run around in and a backyard for the same reasons. you were happy to have gotten to this point in your life and you were so happy to have a life like this with your daughter. 

karina doesn’t stay long after dropping you off, only staying to help you bring in your things, and do a small tour of your home. “i promise i’ll come back tomorrow! i’ve just got some things i need to finish for work.” she explains and you let her know that it’s fine and thank her endlessly for picking up you and your daughter from the airport. you and heejin wave her goodbye as she drives away. 

you walk back inside still carrying heejin on your hip. “alright, bambi. it’s just you and me, and our new home.” you say softly and heejin smiles at you. 

“just you and me mama!” she says and it makes you smile as you nuzzle your nose with hers. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

the next few days are filled with unpacking boxes, waiting for deliveries of furniture and food, and exploring the neighborhood and town. your car was delivered on your 2nd day back in seoul so thankfully you didn’t have to wait around at home or feel guilty of asking karina to drive you around places since she had her own fair share of responsibilities. 

your other friends have asked you when they could come visit, especially your cousin; jay– who said, “i can’t believe you let karina see my niece and she’s not even blood!” when he found out karina met your daughter before your cousin. 

karina was like your sister but jay was actually blood. jay is your cousin on your mom’s side and you had stayed with his parents while living in seattle until you were able to get a place of your own. he’s a few years younger than you but he was always the wiser of the two of you; he was like the angel on the shoulder of life while you were the devil– however you weren’t evil… just chaotic. 

you, jay, and karina all grew up together so you all had a bond that's unbreakable. people often made comments about how jay was the gentleman he is because of all the women he grew up around and you’d agree. he was the kindest and most mature boy you know and even when he loosened up a bit and got chaotic like you, he was always the level-headed and mature jongseong at the end of the day. 

when you would sneak out with boys in high school, jay would cover for you. 

when you got in trouble for getting a C- on your chemistry exam, jay vouched for you and said that the chemistry teacher at your high school was sexist and punished all the girls in the class. 

when you found out you were pregnant, jay was the first person you called and was right by your side every step of the way up until you were boarding the plane to seattle. 

jay was your rock and you wished he was your brother but a cousin would suffice just as long as he was always there for you. 

you’re about 90% moving into your new home, the last thing that needs to be completed was just tossing out all of the trash and recycling that has accumulated from all of the items you bought or takeout that you’ve been getting so you didn’t have to worry about cooking for the first week of moving back. 

you’ve invited jay over for dinner after he’s insisted on cooking dinner for you and your daughter, claiming that he wants to make a good impression on his niece so he wasn’t necessarily going to take no as an answer, and honestly– a home cooked meal by jay sounded nice. he was a great cook, excellent even, you? not so much. 

you knew how to cook a variety of things but most of it was out of convenience so that you weren’t always eating takeout. your daughter was simple when it came to her taste buds and favorite foods, 80% of the time she just wants to eat chicken and thankfully she doesn’t complain much about having to eat vegetables. however, never brussel sprouts. she hates brussel sprouts. 

it’s around 5PM when you’ve finished putting all of your trash bags outside, giving you just a half hour to freshen up your daughter and you before jay would be arriving. he felt apologetic for not being able to help you move in but you told him that he had nothing to feel sorry for and that you knew he had a busy schedule ever since he took over his dad’s company at the beginning of the year. jay’s dad owned a construction company in seoul and although jay had different passions like music and fashion, he was the type of child to never refuse his parent’s wishes and eventually accepted that he would become the owner when he grew up so there was no point in arguing with his dad. 

he was an only child so it was hard not to feel bad for him and see that he had so many things he wanted to do for his life but was often shortsighted and left responsible for whatever his parents wanted because he was their only child. 

that was probably why you often felt like you needed to bring jay out of shell and loosen up a bit. being so caught up with the responsibilities he had at home, you wanted to make sure that he still had fun as a teenager because his life as an adult was already planned out for him. 

when jay turned 16 you spent all of your christmas money on a guitar he had been talking about for months. jay rarely cried but you remember the pure joy and gratitude in his eyes when he unwrapped the box and saw the familiar leather case he had seen so many times at the guitar shop. you swore you could see his eyes glow from excitement when he unclasped the guitar case and finally saw the instrument on the inside. the fender eric clapton stratocaster electric guitar shined onto his face and you’d never forget the smile on his face as he set aside the guitar next to him so he could get up and give you a hug. telling you how grateful he was and that no one would know how much that gift meant to him besides you. 

after changing yourself and your daughter into a fresh pair of clothes, jay was ringing your doorbell. he barely greets you when you answer the door, placing the bags of ingredients into your arms when you open them for a hug and instead he runs into your home to scoop up his niece into his arms. 

“jinjin!” jay says as he carries her above his head. a nickname they both came up with whenever they’d facetime. 

“uncle jayjay!” she says, giggling at him as he gently tossed her into the air and hugged each other. “yeah i’m here too y’know!” you say, narrowing your eyes at your cousin as you put the bag of groceries down onto your kitchen counter. 

“yn-ieee!!” jay says, setting your daughter down onto the counter next to the groceries and giving you a hug of your own. “been so long cousin!” he says and you hum in agreement. 

“well it’s not like you couldn’t come visit me in seattle!” you say teasingly and jay rolls his eyes, “oh, please! you wouldn’t even let me no matter how hard i tried– plus you know how busy i got after dad passed over the company.” he says and although he didn’t mean it in that way, you felt a slight tinge of guilt. 

“i know, i know jong, just teasing. i missed you.” you say, hugging him again but this time ruffling his hair like you used to do when you were younger. 

“so what’s on the menu today, chef?” you ask as you help him unpack the groceries. 

“yeah, uncle. jinjin hungry!” your daughter says and you and your cousin laugh at your daughter’s remark. as she’s gotten older and has begun watching toddler shows, she’s picked up on their habits of speaking in 3rd person. 

“well, jinjin. uncle jayjay is going to make you ravioli and meatballs. sound good?” he asks, staring at your daughter with a box of ravioli pasta in his hand. 

“ravioli?” she asks and jay nods.

“right, you’re 5; you don’t know what that is.” he mutters and you just chuckle. 

“come on, heejin. why don’t we set up the table while uncle cooks, hmm?” you ask and she nods eagerly– always excited to be a part of the activity in some way or another just as long as she’s included. 

“i want the pink plate!” heejin says as she raises her arms so you could pick her up off the counter and set her on the ground. while you and heejin were at ikea shopping for home supplies, she saw a pink plate with the face of a pig on the top and the tail on the bottom and just had to have it. and honestly, your daughter looked so cute looking at it that you couldn’t say no. as a matter of fact, the plate wasn’t even very expensive and it was cute so it wasn’t a hard decision to say yes. 

jay doesn’t take long to finish cooking dinner; knowing to choose something quick and easy to make so that he could feed the two of you and so he could have ample time to hang out with his niece. 

needless to say, heejin loved the ravioli and was completely baffled at how they got the cheese inside of the pasta– constantly asking jay how they did it as if it was some sort of magical spell to create a ravioli. 

after dinner is over and your daughter insists on dessert, the three of you enjoy some ice cream even though it’s still winter and with jay’s help in convincing you because “ice cream tastes good in every season”. you offered to wash the dishes since jay cooked you dinner and although he insisted on washing the dishes, you told him that it was okay since he could spend more time with his niece instead– to which he didn’t argue. 

the rest of the night was filled with giggles as jay got to hang out with his niece outside of a phone screen. learning so much about her and how similar he was to you. he even got the opportunity to put her to bed when she got sleepy after watching bambi, her favorite movie. 

“bambi, huh?” he asks after the two of you quietly slip out of her bedroom.

“yes… bambi. it’s her favorite movie so i nicknamed her bambi…” you respond, trying to avoid his stare. 

“no other reason?” he asks and you shoot him a glare. “alright alright. i’ll drop it. it’s a cute nickname anyway.” he confesses and you mutter a small thank you, thankful that he’s not prying any longer. 

“i know, she’s cute like a baby deer, what can i say?” 

you and jay find your way into the kitchen, putting away the dishes from the dishwasher and beginning a new topic of conversation. 

“does everyone know you’re back?” jay asks genuinely, not intending to allude to a certain person from your past. 

“yeah, karina and ningning know. i spoke to jake and hoon yesterday and i told them i’d come up with a day they could all come over for dinner.” you explain. 

you had a close friend group going into college. you, karina, and jay all grew up together and early during college you had met ningning, jake, sunghoon, and another… friend. 

the seven of you were inseparable and were always together despite having completely different college majors. you, ningning, and karina all moved in together for the last half of your college career while the guys did the same. you’re all older now and have all of your own lives but most of them kept in touch with you after you decided to move away all of a sudden. 

opting to not ask questions out of respect but always making sure to check up on you every once in a while. 

“should i reopen the groupchat? haven’t seen the silly seven back together in a while.” and just as fast as the words leave his mouth, jay regrets it just as fast. he notices you tense up a bit as you’re putting some dishes away into the cupboard and he realizes he’s made a mistake bringing up your original seven friend group. a certain member becomes a tainted memory inside of your heart that you wished to not remember but are forced to remember in the most endearing and loving way. 

someone you wished you could leave in the past but you’re glad you chose not to as the memory continues to live through your daughter. 

“um, i’ll let you know. i’ve got some things i need to finish up before i start reuniting fully with everyone– plus i still need to get heejin caught up on all of her medical stuff for school so…” you begin to say and jay catches on. 

“ahh, don’t worry about it! just got a bit excited to see everyone back together again. i’ll look forward to it when it comes.” jay says, softly rubbing your back and offering you a smile that you return. 

“thanks jay…” you mutter quietly as you try to avoid his gaze. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

after three weeks of being back home in korea, you’ve finally gotten somewhat of a routine down as you’ve settled into your new home and neighborhood. you’ve got pretty accustomed to being back in korea and although it’s only been five years since the last time you were here; a lot has changed within those five years. 

you’d wake up on weekdays around 6am to get your day started, making breakfast and your daughter's school lunch before you woke her up at 7am to get her ready for school. she hadn’t started school yet back in the states so you wanted to ensure that you enrolled her into school once you had settled into your home. 

she was surprisingly excited to start school and make new friends. her favorite part of kindergarten so far was break time when she and her classmates would spend 30 minutes a day at the playground. she’d come home with unruly hair opposite of the sleek bun or pigtails she had previously had when you dropped her off. 

when your daughter was at school you’d spend the day cleaning around the home, finishing up the last parts of your move that had to do with papers and legal stuff, and would spend the rest of the time before your daughter got off school to run errands like going to the market or getting used to driving around your neighborhood. 

it's about an hour before your daughter is off of school so you decide to quickly freshen up before heading over to pick her up. 

today, you had plans to have an early dinner with karina as you hadn’t seen her since you had gotten there so it was due time to catch up now that you’ve settled in for the most part. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“where are we going, mama?” heejin asks as you help her into her car seat. “getting dinner with auntie rina, remember?” you remind your daughter and she cheers, excited that she gets to see her auntie rina again. 

“why are we eating early? i want chicken!” she says and you just chuckle at her. “ok, i’ll get you chicken, ok?” you say, kissing your thumb and putting it towards her and your daughter does the same, connecting your thumbs, at the same time the two of you turn your hands 180 degrees with your thumbs pointing downwards so that your hands make the shape of a heart.

it was a small gesture the two of you did, a small way to be connected with your daughter through a special handshake between mother and daughter. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

dinner was filled with laughter as you watched your daughter and karina bond over chicken, your daughter having the time of her life with all of the different flavors of chicken; her favorite being the cheese flavored one. 

“so, when are we getting the gang back together?” karina asks as she places another piece of chicken on heejin’s plate, the both of you watching your daughter pick up the piece of chicken and munch on it like her life depended on it. you tried to tiptoe around her question, afraid that it would only lead to the inevitable that you were constantly postponing. 

karina waves her hand in front of your face as she realizes you’ve somewhat spaced out and reiterates her question, “um.. i’m not sure. i really want to see everyone but you know..” your voice getting quiet at the end of your sentence as you realize only jay, your cousin, knew who heejin’s father was. 

your friends knew of your longtime crush on heeseung when you were all in college and all somewhat knew that you’ve avoided him because of some reason that you haven’t told them. there were theories amongst the friends of why you no longer spoke to heeseung but only jay knew the reason. your friends didn’t want to pry but curiosity always filled their minds whenever they would think about you or see the photos you posted online of you and your daughter. with all of the theories they came up with, no one seemed to put together the most obvious reason and you’d rather keep that way. 

it wasn’t that you didn’t want any of them to know, you just weren’t ready for them to know and aren’t entirely sure when you’d be ready. karina noticed your shift in behavior with her question and chose to ask any more questions. the rest of the dinner was karina giving you suggestions on things you and your daughter could do like activities, sports and extracurriculars, and whatnot. 

“i’ll see you soon, ok?” karina says while giving your daughter a warm hug. the two of you bid each other goodbye and go your separate ways. karina’s question weighs on your mind heavily as you drive home, thinking about how long you could keep this a secret from your friends and also hide the fact that you were back in town from heeseung who just seemed to constantly be on your mind since you’ve arrived back in korea. 

a part of you wanted to see him, you missed him so much, the way he made you laugh, the way he knew you so well that he used to always bring you breakfast during your 8am lectures because you loved to sleep in until the last minute so you never ate breakfast, the way he knew when you were sad, the way he knew you were uncomfortable, everything. 

he knew you so well but that night, that unfortunate night, it seemed that he was the person that knew you the least in the world. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

a few days after your dinner with karina and some encouragement from jay, you finally decided to send out invites to all of your friends to come over for dinner. your place was getting to a point where it was feeling like home and you wanted your daughter to meet some of the most important people in your life. you obviously weren’t going to invite heeseung but you thought about it and you quickly found yourself shutting down that idea. 

“hi guys! please let me know if you’re free this saturday around 6pm! i’d love for all of you to come over for dinner and meet heejin! if it’s okay could you all bring a small dish? heejin isn’t picky but she is allergic to fish so keep that in mind. she’s very excited to meet her uncles and aunties!”

karina: i’m always free for you! minjeong: i’ll bring the chicken hehe jake: lets goo!! can’t wait to meet little yn! sunghoon: i already know i’m gonna be her favorite uncle jay: yeah right i’m her favorite already, nice try bro

all of their responses made you smile and for once you weren’t stricken with the anxiety of the past and how all of this could crumble down onto you– but you were dedicated to not letting that happen. you missed your friends dearly and being surrounded by your loved ones you haven’t seen in years was long overdue. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

friday rolls around a lot sooner than you expected, which you didn’t mind because it was all you were looking forward to after spending the weekdays trying your best not to spiral. you were constantly thinking about what would happen if they brought up heeseung or if he miraculously showed up unannounced and uninvited. you made several dishes as the main course and set up your kitchen so that everyone could eat buffet style. 

there were rolls of kimbap that your daughter helped you prepare, tofu stew simmering low on the stove to keep it warm, and other food that you knew your friends and your daughter loved. 

as the day went by and the time that your friends would all slowly start arriving would come, you noticed that heejin seemed to be antsy. like something was bothering her, she was constantly squirming around unable to find a comfortable seat at the dinner table, the couch, or even her favorite bean bag chair designed to look like a peach. she was fidgeting with the hem of her dress so much to the point that she had pulled a loose thread, causing the dress to tear. you were more worried than upset, it was just a piece of fabric it didn’t matter if it broke, although you did keep a mental note not to buy from that store again; so you sat her down to talk about it. 

“bambi.. what’s wrong?” you asked her as you helped her change into new clothes, something she had chosen and although it was more casual than the previous attire she had on; she was way more comfortable in it. she shook her head with a pout, indicating she either didn’t want to talk about it or that there wasn’t anything wrong– and considering her actions moments ago, it was the latter. 

“you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but just know mommy is here for you ok? i don’t want my little bambi to be sad or upset and feel like she can’t talk to mom about her problems..” you told her softly, fixing her hair as it had gotten slightly messed up while you dressed your daughter. heejin was everything to you, she was your life and blood, she was your light and you’d be damned if you ever made your daughter feel like she couldn’t fully be herself or come to her own mother to help her fix her problems. 

even though heejin was still young, you made sure to make an emphasis on communication with your daughter, teaching her to articulate her feelings and emotions in a way that was healthy to her and those around her– and for the most part, she did that. she often told you if she was uncomfortable or if she was feeling upset about something as small as her socks making her feel itchy– but right now; she wasn’t communicating to you why she was acting the way she was and it left you stumped. 

you weren’t necessarily sure how to go about it. you didn’t want to pressure your daughter to tell you what was wrong but the mother inside of you couldn’t continue without knowing what was bothering your daughter and how you could alleviate her troubles. “are you ok, heejin?” you ask and she once again shakes her head. 

“can you tell mom what’s bothering you?” you asked, lightly patting your daughter's head as you finished doing her hair. 

she looks up at you with her big doe eyes and for a second you see the uncanny resemblance of her and her father. “mama, who is my dad?” the question comes as a shock to you because although she had asked before, she’s never let the absence of her father trouble her the way it has now. your mouth slightly opens at her question but you quickly recollect yourself so she doesn’t notice your demeanor falter, afraid that your expression could cause her more worry if she was to realize how you reacted to her question. 

you so desperately wanted to comfort your daughter, tell her everything you knew about her father and how he lived only miles away; but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. it may seem selfish, and it was, but you simply weren’t ready to have that conversation with your daughter. even if it broke your heart to see her pleading eyes begging you for a single crumb of information on her dad, you couldn’t do it. it caused you an immense amount of pain to deny your daughter something she seemed to want so badly. 

“bambi, why the sudden interest?” you ask and she goes on to explain that when she was waiting to get picked up from school that day, she saw all of her classmates getting picked up by their dads and it got her thinking of her own, more specifically, the absence of her own father. 

your heart broke even more at her words but you chose to give her the answer that you’ve given her several other times she asked in the past. 

“bambi, your papa may not be here but he’s always in your heart, ok?” and you were glad that it provided her some form of comfort because it seemed like she knew you were going to say that so she closed her eyes and gently placed her small hand over her heart. it was moments like this that made you question yourself as a mother. denying your daughter from someone who was half of her all because of your own selfish intention and pain that you aren’t able to heal from. 

the two of you share another tender moment as you engulf your daughter into your arms for a warm embrace and try your best to get her to smile, which was fairly easy as your daughter was very ticklish. 

just in time, your doorbell rings indicating that some of your friends have arrived so you decide to carry your daughter to your front door to greet everyone. you gently rub her back to further soothe her worries, hoping that the emotional and vulnerable moment the two of you just shared didn’t cause her anymore worries despite the fact that she still had that longing look in her eyes. waiting for the day she could get the answer she was looking for and the day she’d get to meet her dad. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

you’re carrying your daughter in your arms as you open the door to welcome your friends and all of their eyes light up at the sight of you and your daughter. one by one they file inside of your home with a dish in their hands, greeting you and heejin with bright warm smiles. you return with a smile of your own as heejin waves at the strangers entering your home who she will grow to learn are the aunts and uncles that would love her and support her as she grows older. 

once everyone has gotten inside, you point to where they could all settle the dishes they brought and soon enough you’re setting heejin down to introduce her to everyone. 

“heejin, you know auntie karina and uncle jay, right?” you ask her while you crouch down to her, she nods her head in agreement, slightly shy as she still doesn’t know the several other people in the room. 

“this is uncle jake, he has a really big puppy, you like puppies right?” and once again she’s nodding but this time with a smile as she gets excited at the mention of  a dog. when heejin started to learn how to speak, one of the first words she spoke was “dog” and would later on constantly ask you to get her dog when she learned how to form full sentences. 

“heejin, i’ll introduce you to my dog, ok?” jake says with a smile and she cheers, happy that she finally gets to play with a dog since you wouldn’t let her get one of her own. 

“this one is auntie minjeong, can you say hi to her?” you ask and heejin shyly waves her hand and when minjeong waves back and asks if she can have a high five, heejin gives her one excitedly as you’ve taught her that high fives were a gesture of encouragement and sharing a high five with a friend was a good thing so she instantly felt happy when minjeong asked for one, already identifying her auntie minjeong as a friend. 

lastly, you point to sunghoon, “that’s uncle sunghoon, you like the snow right? uncle sunghoon is really good at ice skating.” you explain and her eyes and mouth widen at the thought of ice skating. “ice skating? do you make snow angels?” she asks and it causes the lot of you to laugh; to which sunghoon nods and tells her that he’ll teach her how to make some of her own. 

introductions go very well and heejin is calling everyone auntie and uncle in no time, opening up and breaking out of her shyness once she chats with your best friends some more as she tries all of the food they’ve brought. 

“yn, all this food is amazing by the way but you should’ve let us help more or at least bring more food so you didn’t have to cook so much!” minjeong says as she’s putting away her dish into your sink. 

“yeah, yn. this is delicious but next time let us take care of all of it okay? we’ll be sure to bring all the food that heejin likes. heejin, what’s your favorite food?” jake asks her and she cutely raises the chicken wing in her hand and shouts chicken and once again the room is filled with laughter because of your daughter’s cuteness. you were so happy to see your daughter being accepted by everyone, not necessarily because you thought they wouldn’t but because for the time that you’ve been gone; you were afraid that this drastic change in your life would affect the dynamic between you and your friends. 

but it didn’t. 

at least not completely. 

jake is slurping on his noodles when he suddenly says, “yo, heeseung brought me these noodles one time; it was so good we should all go some time.” and at the mention of heeseung’s name you’re almost frozen in your spot at the table. 

the room is instantly silent when they notice your attitude shift after hearing heeseung’s name. no one besides jay really knows what happened between the two of you and even then you’ve left out certain details from the story because you couldn’t bear to relive the pain from that night just so that someone could fully understand why you did what you did. 

sunghoon shoves jake lightly at his careless action and he soon realizes why the room had fallen silent, he glances over at you with an apologetic look followed by a string of apologies, “i’m so sorry, yn. i shouldn’t have brought him up- i wasn’t thinking.” jake says and you shake your head explaining that it was okay and that he had nothing to apologize for. 

“it’s fine, jake. he and i just don’t talk anymore.” you leave it at that and everyone chooses not to pry because it was truly none of their business. 

before the night ends you all take a group photo with heejin in the middle, you decided to have her sit on your shoulders as your friends crowd around her with warm smiles that could be felt through the photo. you were so happy to see the happiness radiate through the image that you didn’t necessarily care that all of your friends were quick to post that photo, the possibility of heeseung seeing it nowhere in your mind because you were more focused on the love that your friends were giving you and your daughter. 

you bid goodbye to your friends but not before you pack them their own little containers with leftovers because it was way more than what you and your daughter could finish alone. heejin happily waved goodbye to her aunties and uncles and had long forgotten about the sad moment the two of you shared before this dinner. 

she was so happy to meet them and to her they were all just her friends. your friends are equally as happy to meet your daughter and be a part of her life and yours again. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

on the other side of the city, heeseung is scrolling through his social media alone in his bed when he scrolls past the group photo you all took on several accounts. a pang of jealousy budding in his chest as he sees you in the center, happily carrying your daughter on your shoulders. 

heeseung couldn’t help but feel left out but all he could think about was why you hadn’t let him know you were back in town after disappearing for the last five years? 

so, he does what he thinks is right and opens the groupchat he has with the boys. 

“yo, you guys free tomorrow? wanna grab lunch?” heeseung taps into his phone and presses send and in a few minutes, sunghoon, jay, and jake are all responding to heeseung’s text. 

they all coordinate a plan to have lunch the next day. heeseung plans to let it come naturally, bring you up as smoothly as he can without coming off like he wanted to hang out with the guys just to find out information about you. 

but he knew deep down that he was going to get the information he needed one way or the other. 

even if it made him feel crazy because love makes you do crazy things. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

when the next day rolls around and heeseung is making his way to lunch, he realizes that his dreams that night were filled with one thing: you. 

he dreamt about all the ways he wanted to make up for lost time, he dreamt of past memories, he dreamt of you and he slept soundly knowing that you were so happy in his dreams. only hoping that he could make you as happy in real life like how you were in his dreams. 

you were truly the girl of his dreams and now that you were back; he wasn’t going to let you go so easily like last time. 

“whats up guys!” heeseung says as he walks over to the guys who had gotten a table for the four of them. they were all browsing the menu when heeseung arrived and they all did their usual greetings, asking how one another was and all of the normal things. 

they soon order food and jay could tell that heeseung was a bit antsy, sending glances over to jake and sunghoon with a gesture to look at heeseung and they do; realizing his leg hasn’t stopped bouncing since he sat down and he was chewing on his nails– something that he’s never done in the past. 

heeseung could no longer wait, he just had to ask about you even if it made the air between all of them awkward. “so..” he begins and jay cuts him off before he could finish. 

“heeseung, i know you’re going to ask about yn.” jay says and heeseung stops in the middle of his sentence, his mouth slightly ajar as those words leave jay’s mouth. he’s shocked that they knew, was he being less subtle than he thought? or was he just that predictable. 

heeseung and you were inseparable when you were younger, you couldn’t take one without the other coming along, the true meaning of  a package deal. but when you left, heeseung was left with so many questions, none of which could be answered by you as you cut off communication with him completely. 

the rest of lunch consists of the guys informing heeseung about you, small details that they thought you’d be comfortable with sharing with heeseung, and although heeseung wanted to learn more; he was happy to learn anything new about you since you’ve been gone for the last five years. 

they could tell that heeseung’s love for you never died or diminished in any way possible. when you first left, heeseung was a wreck and if they didn’t think he loved you then; his reaction to you leaving solidified that. he didn’t sleep, he cried almost everyday and he would try to write you letters even when he didn’t have an address to send them to. 

it wasn’t until about a year after you had left that heeseung started to somewhat go back to normal. he stopped moping around and he returned to the heeseung all of your friends once knew. but deep down, he and all your friends knew that he would never be the same without you in his life. he threw himself into his work and other priorities to distract himself so he didn’t have to think about you but in the end, it always came back to you. 

he’d be walking on the street and would pass by your favorite restaurant and he’d think about you. 

a song would play and he’d be reminded about all of the times you two would dance and sing along to it. 

he’d see a cloud shaped like an animal in the sky and would remember all of the times you two would spend hours laying on the grass and spotting clouds shaped like whatever your mind could identify it as. 

everything he saw reminded him of you and although it hurt him to think about you, thinking about you was the only thing keeping you close to him when you were unknowingly so far away. 

when the four of them part ways from lunch, jay pulls heeseung aside for a quick chat before he leaves, “hey, i shouldn’t tell you this but…” jay says, whispering something to heeseung and sending him a text. heeseung’s eyes widen at the text and he’s instantly bringing jay into a hug, thanking him for whatever it was jay had told him. 

“yeah, yeah.. don’t make me regret this, she is my cousin; i’ll beat your ass if you fuck this up.” he warns and although he was slightly joking; jay was speaking with some truth because he knew how much all of this affected two people that were so important in his life. 

heeseung slept with a smile on his face later that night, not only because he was excited to be able to see you in his dreams again, but also because of what he had planned for tomorrow morning. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“heejin! let’s go, bambi!” you call for your daughter as you slide your shoes on. heejin appears with her backpack dragging behind her, taking a seat next to you so she can put her shoes on to which you help her. you’re about to bring her to school, glancing at the clock near your front door when you realize you’ve only got 20 minutes to get her there. 

when you open the door, however, you’re met with a face that you hadn’t prepared yourself to see, at least not for a long time from now. 

“heeseung?” you ask as you look at him, standing at your front door with a smile on his face, flowers in his hand, and eyes as bright as they were when the two of you first met. 

“hi, yn.. long time no see.” heeseung responds, a sheepish grin on his face as he’s finally able to see you for the first time in five years. “sorry, i need to take heejin to school.” you explain, slightly moving him out of the way to lock the door and make your way to your car. 

“let me take you?” he offers and although a part of you wants to deny, you know that heeseung has always been stubborn and that if you were to try to decline; the two of you would just be going back and forth and before you know it, heejin would be late to school. 

so, you reluctantly accept his offer; quickly grabbing her carseat from your car and setting her up in the back of heeseung’s car. “mama, who is he?” heejin asks and you explain that he’s just a friend. “how come he didn’t come to dinner?” heejin continues with another question and you answer with something dismissive and tell her he was just busy. 

“ready to go? don’t want her to be late.” heeseung says and you look over at him and he’s still got that smile on his face like he knew exactly what he was doing and was happy that you were going along with it. you give him a tight lipped smile as you place a kiss onto heejin’s forehead before taking your seat at the front passenger seat next to heeseung. 

in the past whenever you two were in a car it would always be you in the front next to him because he trusted you the most with directions and music but mostly because he loved being able to see you next to him.  it was such a simple and innocent thing to be so close to you even if you were just sitting next to him but it never failed to make his heart race whenever you would look over at him, catching him staring at you when he needed to be focusing on the road. 

you’d tease him by saying, “eyes on the road” and talk about how you’ll crash if he keeps staring at you and he’d just respond by saying he would never hurt you or do anything that would put you in pain. 

heeseung tried to keep that promise and broke it without even knowing that he did. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“bye heejin, have a good day ok?” you send your daughter off to school, watching her small figure skip away as she waves and greets the friends she sees as she walks into school. “she’s adorable.” heeseung says as you turn towards him. a part of you slightly forgetting that he was there because all of your focus was set on your daughter. 

“thanks.” you mutter, barely above a whisper. 

“wanna grab breakfast? my treat.” heeseung asks, a cheesy grin on his face as if he’s using his smile as a way to convince you to say yes; it worked… just a little bit. 

“fine.” you say while rolling your eyes, a part of you only saying yes because you had nothing better to do and he was the one that drove. the car ride was silent, filled with awkward tension as you couldn’t get comfortable in your seat knowing that you haven’t seen heeseung in five years and had no idea where this was going to go. would everything be the way it was before you left? or would it be filled with boiling tension that would eventually blow up. 

heeseung was fiddling with the steering wheel, tapping on the leather of the wheel, messing around with the car compartments, and constantly clearing his throat to drown out the silence that was so loud. 

“so… how’ve you been?” heeseung asks, slightly looking over at you as if he was suddenly nervous to make eye contact, fearing for how you’d react. 

“okay.. yeah i’ve been ok.” keeping your answer short so that you didn’t end up saying more than you wanted. you weren’t sure how comfortable you’d become with heeseung, someone who you once would’ve associated with the word “comfort” now was more closely aligned with “unknown”. 

“thats- thats good..” heeseung stutters. 

he doesn’t ask any further questions after he’s taken notice that you weren’t inclined for small talk or maybe just talking to him in general. which he couldn’t blame you for, you haven’t seen each other in five years and he understood that things were a lot different than before. 

you and heeseung used to be able to talk about anything and everything, whenever one of you or both would be stressed; you’d just talk for hours about anything to distract yourselves from whatever was troubling your minds. one time the two of you had even spent 63 hours on facetime, uninterrupted because you were both away from each other for the first time and couldn’t stand being that far away. 

the two of you were only separated for a weekend but it was too long for either of you. 

“order anything you want, ok?” heeseung says as he looks at the menu, browsing for what he wants to eat. you mirror his actions but you lift the menu a bit higher to cover your face because you were a bit shy. you didn’t know how to act around heeseung anymore and felt like shielding yourself away from. 

“are you two ready to order?” the waitress asks and quickly jots down your order, coming back momentarily to drop off your drinks and returning about 20 minutes later with the food you had ordered. heeseung had ordered ramen for breakfast, it came on a small personal burner so that it remained hot as he ate. you slightly smile to yourself, trying your best to hide it because this habit of heeseung hasn't changed in that aspect. 

heeseung always loved ramen, it's his favorite. 

you had just gotten rice with some grilled meat and a fried egg, something simple but delicious. heeseung is busy slurping on his noodles when you decide to break the silence, “how did you find me, heeseung?” you ask, causing heeseung to choke a bit on his food at the random question. 

he quickly apologizes, grabbing a tissue to wipe his mouth before responding, “oh, yeah about that. don’t be mad but jay told me. it’s not his fault though, i practically begged him.” heeseung says, eye widening as if to prevent you from getting upset that jay had given heeseung your address without permission. 

you were a bit upset, especially because jay was the one that knew what happened with everything out of all of the people in your life. you made sure to bring this up to your cousin when you had the chance, keeping in mind that jay would get a piece of your mind about this. 

the rest of the breakfast was filled with the same awkward tension as you two ate your food in silence, every once in a while asking each other questions for some small talk but nothing that the two of you talked about did anything to cut through the awkwardness. when you and heeseung finished eating, he kept his word about taking care of the bill, and although you wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t, it was nice because it felt just like old times. 

back in college, when you and heeseung were little broke college kids; he always paid no matter what it was. a late night snack? heeseung paid. you were craving boba? heeseung paid. it was your birthday? heeseung paid. even when it wasn’t food, heeseung paid because he loved taking care of you even in small matters like paying for your things. 

a sign you should’ve seen sooner that heeseung saw you as more than just a friend. 

“thanks for breakfast and dropping off heejin at school. have a good day, heeseung.” you say while exiting his car. you’re startled by heeseung’s sudden action when he shouts when and runs out of the car and around to your side, you give him a confused look from inside of the car as you watch him. heeseung closes your door and reopens it for you, “madam.” he says, while gesturing with his hand and a slight bow. 

you couldn’t help but laugh but when heeseung raises his head to look at you, your expression instantly changes because you didn’t want to give heeseung the satisfaction that you found it amusing. you were still upset at heeseung for something of the past and although it’s been harbored inside of you for years on end, you couldn’t help but feel it slowly rising back to the top ever since you had returned to korea. 

heeseung walks slowly behind you as you make your way to the front door like a lost puppy and when you get to unlocking your door,  he clears his throat, gaining your attention. 

“look… i know we haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, but i’m not going to act like it wasn’t the hardest five years of my life. you kind of just disappeared without explanation and when i tried to reach out… i didn’t hear back. 

i had even asked our friends and they didn’t have anything to tell me, i mean- i knew jay would’ve known because he’s your cousin but he didn’t tell me anything. 

can we please just talk?” heeseung was rambling and you felt bad because you could tell he was a bit anxious and probably rehearsed this in his head. 

“yn.. i missed you so much and i tried to practice what i wanted to say to you when i saw you again but i’ve just thrown that all out the window. 

say something..? please?” and you could feel yourself slowly falling back into that old familiar place. the one where you could look into heeseung’s eyes and you could tell how he was really feeling even if he tried to mask it with his rambling. 

“heeseung, why don’t you come inside and then we can talk… not out here..” you said with a chuckle and heeseung eagerly nods, a smile on his lips at the invitation into your home, a stepping stone back into your life. 

you don’t know where this conversation was going earlier and now that it’s almost been two hours since you saw heeseung again, you still didn’t know what to expect. 

“can i get you something to drink?” you ask and he lets you know that water is fine so after a few minutes, you return to find heeseung standing in your living room, admiring the photos you framed of yourself and your daughter. 

“you guys look so happy.” heeseung comments as he joins you on the couch, setting the two cups of water in front of the two of you. “heeseung.. i don’t know what to say to be honest. there’s a lot i’ve wanted to say to you and over the last five years, i’ve only wanted to say more. 

i didn’t mean to disappear i just-”

“then why? why did you leave?” heeseung says, interrupting you and his eyes have transitioned into one that expressed that he was pleading, begging, and waiting for an answer from you. an answer that he had been waiting for since the day you left. 

on the other hand, you were too. you had so many questions for heeseung but you knew that you couldn’t get answers without having to answer any of heeseung’s questions. you weren’t sure how to answer heeseung. you wanted to be honest and tell him the full truth but you didn’t even know if you were ready to face that. 

it was five years ago but now, sitting in front of heeseung as he looked at you with tears threatening to fall from his eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to relive those moments where you felt the most alone, unwanted, and misunderstood person in the world. 

you stuttered to answer and the longer you thought about the more complicated it became in your head. your breathing started to become heavy and your eyes were constantly blinking. you couldn’t look at heeseung any longer because it made you feel uneasy and nauseous, the anxiety of this moment having built up inside of you for so long that now that it was all happening, it was corroding the stability you had worked so hard to build in your head. 

“are you ok, yn?” heeseung asked and his voice sounded muffled to you and as he scooted closer, the image of heeseung in your vision blurred and doubled like he was a mirage. you were starting to get light headed and that was when you knew that you were going to faint, the anxiety had taken over your brain and before you knew it your eyes were fluttering closed and heeseung was catching you in his arms before your body could fall over onto the coffee table. 

heeseung catches you instantly when you notice your body start to go limp, rocking back and forth. he wasn’t sure what happened but something must’ve been bothering you so much that you had fainted in his arms. heeseung tries his best to gently position you onto your couch in a comfortable position, moving your legs into place and softly setting your head on the armrest with a pillow propped up under. 

he admired your sleeping figure and if it wasn’t for the fact that you had fainted, he probably would’ve found this moment cute. it reminded him of the first time heeseung had realized he liked you more than he thought he did. the two of you had gotten very drunk one night after failing your economics exam and you had a habit of getting sleepy when drinking. 

you were in the middle of talking when your head started to get wobbly and your eyelids had become heavy and before you knew it; you were falling asleep next to heeseung; your head softly landing on his shoulder like a makeshift pillow. he found it cute and he still does. 

⋆˚ʚɞ five years ago

you had been texting with heeseung all night, he had been going through something and although you wanted to know what it was; you settled on just making him feel better. like a good friend would do. your crush on heeseung has something your friends had known about for a while and although you’ve wanted to confess your feelings to him for a while now, you were too afraid of ruining your friendship and it potentially affecting your whole friend group. 

heeseung was currently on his way to your dorm and it was like you were waiting for a blind date. you fidget with the tassel on your throw pillow as you wait for him on your bed, running through the different scenarios in your head of what’s been bothering him. 

he was fine the last few days but today something had shifted; heeseung felt like he was carrying something heavy on his mind and it was showing. he had sent you a string of messages that represented someone on the verge of a crash out and all you could do was worry for him, eventually inviting him over so you could talk and find a way to make him feel better. 

to which heeseung accepted instantly as if that was what he was waiting for. 

after a few minutes, a knock on your door softly echoes throughout your dorm as you’re just about to text heeseung if he was alright. “hee-” you say, getting cut off when heeseung storms into your room, breathing unsteady as if he had run over to you. 

“what’s wrong, are you ok?” you ask, worry settled onto your face as you shut the door behind you. 

heeseung is standing facing away as he tries to catch his breath, unsure of how to talk to you about what has been weighing on his mind heavily. a reality that he’s finally chosen to come to terms with despite thinking it was all his delusions until recently. 

“hee?” you ask again and he whips around to face you, your expression softening when you see that it looks like he hasn’t slept and looks absolutely exhausted. his eyes were red, cheeks a bit sunken, and the shadows around his eyes were more prominent. he looked like he’s so emotionally and physically drained you couldn’t help but rush over to him, cupping his face in worry– rubbing his cheek with your thumb and you could feel heeseung melt into your hand. 

his eyes flutter closed as he breathes a sigh of relief; like your touch alone was enough to soothe his mind even though the reason for his distress partially had something to do with you. you guide heeseung to your bed and you can’t help but frown at his appearance, you didn’t know how long this has been going on but it seems that it was enough to reflect on his face. 

“hee? are you ok?” you ask and he finally takes a deep breath before responding, “yn.. i just want you to know that i don’t want any of this to change us.. and i hope we’ll be okay after this but-” heeseung begins. 

“heeseung you’re scaring me..” you whisper, anxiety building inside of you as heeseung tries to avoid eye contact with you. 

“just- please listen.. i don’t want you to think of me any differently after i say this but…

i think i love you.” 

and when those five words leave heeseung’s lips, everything goes silent. 

you’ve been wanting to hear heeseung say those words for so long, wishing that he would reciprocate your feelings, confess his love to you the way you’ve been too afraid to confess to him, and now that he has; you didn’t know what to do or say. 

heeseung was finally able to look into your eyes, looking for an answer because the silence after his confession had him thinking that he shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. 

“please, say something..” he whispers, voice trembling like he’d be in tears at any moment. 

“hee… i just-” when you try to respond even though you weren’t sure what to say, heeseung brings his hands to your face and brings it closer to his; “please tell me you feel the same way or else i might go insane.” he whispers, his lips just a few inches away from yours. 

heeseung’s gaze trails from your eyes down your face and lands to your lips, heeseung absentmindedly licks his own as if it were a physical reaction to seeing yours. “i do heeseung-” you begin but before you could finish your sentence; his lips are on yours. 

the dryness of his lips instantly disappears as your two lips dance with his. a kiss that both of you had been longing for since you two have first met, like there was tension between the two of you that could only be relieved with one another. everyone in the room could feel it but neither of you ever wanted to confront that no matter how badly you wanted to. 

heeseung pulls away for a moment, allowing the two of you to catch your breath; “i’m sorry, i should’ve asked but i just couldn’t wait any longer..” heeseung murmurs, his bedroom eyes glued onto yours as you try to gather your thoughts. you had been waiting to share this moment with heeseung for so long but for some reason it wasn’t like how you’d dreamt.

“heeseung, this is wrong.. what about your girl-” you’re about to bring up heeseung’s girlfriend but he just shakes his head. “you’re the one i want.. it’s always been you” he says, connecting your lips once again, the kiss being just as passionate and filled with hunger like you’re both deprived of the other. 

your dorm was soon filled with you and heeseung’s pleasure, a craving that was finally satisfied after so many years; finally having you in his arms. you never thought this day would come and although you thought that it would never come; you were going to cherish this moment with heeseung. 

the next few days felt like a dream. you and heeseung were inseparable and it’s everything you had hoped for when you used to think about how your life would be after confessing to heeseung about how you truly felt. 

only for him to confess first, leaving you shocked that he felt the same way. 

the conversation after that night in your dorm room was a bit awkward but the two of you quickly learned to laugh it off and move forward with your relationship. you had agreed that you’d keep this between yourselves for now because you were unsure of how it would affect the dynamic of your friend group. you even held off from telling jay, your cousin, who you told everything to. 

it was hard for the first few weeks to hide your relationship with heeseung because whenever all of you were together, you wanted nothing more than to hold his hand or sit on his lap, the tension from before being converted to secret longing glances and smiles that you two would try to hide from your friends. 

the good lasted for only a few months, until the fateful day that would change your life forever. you had woken up feeling like a ton of bricks had fallen on top of you while you were sleeping. you were fatigued, nauseous, and spent the morning hunched over your toilet as you threw up your dinner from the night before. 

you weren’t sure why your body was suddenly feeling unwell so you made a trip to the pharmacy to grab some medicine, browsing the aisles to see what would help with your symptoms, and that was when your eyes landed on the sleek white box towards the end of the shelf. 

“pregnancy test: accurate results in just under 10 minutes” it read on the box in bright blue font. there was no way that could be the cause of your distress, you didn’t have sex with anyone else besides.. heeseung… that night.. three months ago. 

your mind starts to spiral as you think about the possibility that you could be pregnant with heeseung’s child as that night replays in your head– now just remembering that the idea of a condom was absent from both of your minds as you were both in the heat of the moment, exploring one another’s bodies. 

frantically grabbing a few boxes, you make your way to the cash register but are stopped in your tracks when a voice calls out to you; “yn?” and when you turn around it’s heeseung’s ex-girlfriend. 

the conversation with her was short but awkward. she just wanted to clear the air, letting you know that she had no animosity towards you or heeseung and that she wished you two the best. which confused you because you certainly didn’t tell her and know that heeseung wouldn’t have told her without discussing with you first. when you asked her to clarify, her explanation only heightens the mental distress you were currently in. 

“heeseung and i broke up a few months ago and i just figured you two would be together by now..” was all she said before walking away. 

the night that heeseung confessed his love to you and where you had shared one of the most intimate moments two people could experience together; also happened to be the same night that heeseung broke up with his girlfriend. 

leading you to believe that it was the only reason he felt so inclined to be with you. like you were just some rebound that heeseung knew would be waiting for him like a lost puppy who had been left at home all day, knowing that if he called out to you– you’d come running to him. 

you were a rebound. 

did he even mean anything he had said to you or was it all just a way to get you to play along with his desires? did he even know you felt that way about him? and he used it as a way to get what he wanted? 

you felt disgusted knowing that the moment you shared with heeseung that you had been waiting for was merely just a way for him to get over his ex-girlfriend. a second option that he knew he could fall back on but not in the same way that he would’ve been supported by his friends who he could fall back on during a hard time, but more so like you were just a stepping stone and a temporary fix for the despair he was in that night. 

using you to forget his ex if it meant that he would feel better at your expense. 

it feels like the ten minutes that you were waiting for the pregnancy test to be ready was the longest ten minutes of your life. “less than ten minutes, my ass” you scoffed as the clock showed it’s been ten minutes and the results weren’t being shown through the small indicator window yet. 

your head falls back in annoyance and to your surprise, the next time you look at the test, a giant plus sign is clearer than day. you swallowed the dryness in your throat, throwing the test into the garbage and ripping open into the two other boxes you bought to test again. 

refusing to believe that the first one was accurate, like it was a fluke, a false positive, anything to convince yourself that this was not happening. 

but it was. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

when you wake up, about an hour later, you almost don’t recognize where you are until you realize you’re wrapped up in a blanket on your bed. you remember being on the couch but don’t recall how you ended up on your bed. you sluggishly roll out of your bed, eyes half open as you scratch your head and make your way to the living room; only to find heeseung sleeping soundly on your couch. 

shock shoots through you as the memories of what happened before you fainted return to your mind, remembering that you and heeseung had reunited after not seeing one another for the last five years when he showed up unannounced at your front door. 

you slowly walk over to him, momentarily admiring his peaceful face as he snoozed on your couch, clutching onto the small pillow with his arms. “i know you’re staring at me.” heeseung murmurs, opening one eye to look at you; a grin on his face when he sees the annoyed look on yours. 

“what are you still doing here?” you ask, crossing your arms and tilting your head to one side as you questioned him. “wow, already kicking me out? if we were in college you would’ve begged me to stay while you tried to convince your roommate to leave.” he says, sitting up straight with the same playful smile on his lips. 

“okay, if you’re gonna stay then i guess we need to have this talk don’t we?” you ask, swallowing the lump in your throat as you try to muster up the courage to have this conversation after it led you to faint just an hour prior. you take a seat next to heeseung, much like how the two of you were positioned earlier and the night when  he showed up at your dorm, both of you sitting on your bed; looking into each other’s eyes as if you were the only two people that existed. 

holding one another so closely like at any given moment one of you would be torn away from the other. only if heeseung knew that you would be torn away from him months after, maybe he wouldn’t have made the decision he did that night. 

but that night was nothing that he’d ever regret. 

“so.. where do i begin.. you say trying to think of how you wanted to start– 

that night, when we hooked up in my dorm room; i know why you showed up. when you told me that you loved me it was everything that i could’ve hoped for. i feel like i started to fall for you the day we first met and every day since then i fell for you even more but i just thought that i wasn’t someone that you could ever love. 

so, even though it hurt me, i settled with being okay with just being friends; because it was better than not having you in my life at all. 

but when you told me you loved me that night, i was the happiest girl in the world. until i wasn’t. i felt like the few months that we were dating was the happiest moments of my life, obviously not compared to now because i have my daughter, but i’ll cherish those moments forever because it truly made me so happy to be with you–” 

“then why did you leave?” heeseung pleads, begging for an answer as you somewhat tiptoe around it. “a few months later, i ran into your ex while i was in the store and i found out that the two of you had broken up the same night we hooked up…” heeseung was now shaking his head in denial at what he was hearing. 

“heeseung, you used me as a rebound for your breakup– no, yn. that’s not true. i promise i would never do that to you.” heeseung whines, shaking his head in frustration that you’ve harbored this misunderstanding about him for the last five years which drove you away from him. 

⋆˚ʚɞ five years ago, two days before moving away

“why have you been so distant?” heeseung asks, his doe eyes looking at you as he pleads for your attention, lights reflecting in his eyes that made it look like he was tearing up, and he was trying his best not to cry in front of the girl he’s loved for so long. 

you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him, this battle inside of you that you’ve been going through on whether or not you wanted to tell heeseung the life changing news, your oversized hoodie covering up the secret you have. 

“heeseung, i just don’t think we can do this anymore.” was the only thing you could say before having to do the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. 

walk away from the boy you’ve loved for so long. 

heeseung didn’t know what he had done that led you to breakup with him but he held onto this idea that you hated him ever since. he respected you enough to let you walk away from him even though it took every ounce of strength inside of him to not run after you and engulf you in his arms. he would’ve begged you to stay if he could, but he didn’t. 

not running after you and fighting for your love was his biggest regret. 

two days later, he’d find out from jay that you left the country and although he begged and begged jay to let him know where you moved to, how to reach you, and to help him get in contact with you; jay respected you too much after learning what led you to leave to just set you back by allowing heeseung to waltz right back into your life. 

jay tried his best to not let his judgement of heeseung be clouded by what you told him, but he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you. his cousin who’s life was going to change drastically because of his best friend and all he could do was support you from afar even if it meant helping you move into his childhood home where jay’s parents would be there for you to help you throughout the whole thing. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

“heeseung, this is all too much for me right now. i want to have this conversation, i’ve thought about it every day for the last five years, but i don’t think i’d ever be ready for it. 

i think you should leave.” 

and as much as heeseung wanted to stay, beg for you to let him stay and talk it out, but he respected you too much to fight with you. 

so just like that night, he walked away even if he didn’t want to. 

you sighed as you closed the door behind heeseung, peeking into the small window beside your front door to watch him leave, shoulders low and head hunched over as he walked to his car. you close your eyes and exhale before swinging the door back open and calling for heeseung, “heeseung!” you shout and he’s instantly whipping around at the sound of your voice. 

“heejin’s birthday is in two weeks, you’re invited if you’d like to come.” and heeseung’s attitude changes, a bright smile spreading onto his face as your words ring like church bells in his ears. 

“i’ll be there.” he says before waving goodbye and driving off. 

a small smile tugging on your lips as you tried your best not to feel like that young girl you once were whenever you’d get shy around heeseung. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

the next two weeks is filled with heeseung’s endless attempts to make his way into your everyday routine whether it was showing up again unannounced to take heejin to school, to which she’d never deny because heeseung always brought her the juice box she really likes, or if it was him asking you if you needed help with anything for heejin’s birthday. 

heeseung was going to find his way back into your life even if he annoyed you– but all you had in your mind was her birthday despite heeseung’s attempts to occupy your every waking thought. 

the build up for heejin’s birthday was filled with excitement and anxiety as you tried to make her 6th birthday something special because it would be her first birthday in korea. in the past, her birthdays in seattle was mostly just you and her, sometimes your parents would fly in town to visit but not often. 

and now that you’re back in korea and surrounded by so many people that loved you; you were going to make sure this birthday was something that she remembers. her birthday was in just 24 hours and everything was set in place. 

it was somewhat difficult to keep everything hidden from her because she was one curious girl and was constantly rambling about what she wanted for her birthday, unicorns, rainbows, the color pink, a cake that was chocolate but also vanilla and had strawberries, the color pink, a pinata that was shaped like bunny or maybe a unicorn, and oh, did i mention.. pink? 

pink was her favorite color and it showed with every since thing she always picked out for herself was pink. 

at midnight when the clock indicated that it was finally her birthday, you snuck into her room as she slept soundly with a small cupcake and a number six candle in the center. you gently walked over to her and softly sang happy birthday, waking her up and her eyes instantly widened at the sight of you. 

She was smiling from ear to ear and clapping her hands together in joy. “happy birthday my sweet bambi.” you said after singing happy birthday, softly patting her head as she makes a wish and blows out the candle. 

“thank you mama.” her small voice coming out just above a whisper. “sleep now, okay? you have a big day tomorrow.” booping her nose as she enthusiastically goes back to bed, eager to fall back asleep and wake up the next morning to her big day. 

birthday preparations started earlier for you as you made sure to do some last minute cleaning and organizing for the party. setting out all of the stuff in your backyard with the help of jay and your parents. your mom busied your daughter so that she wasn’t running around and to stop her from looking through every single thing at her party. 

she was so happy, a type of happiness you wished would stay with her forever. 

soon after, the preparations were complete and heejin was dressed in a sparkly pink dress, one that she had picked up several weeks in advance when the two of you were shopping together on a mommy and daughter date. 

your friends, sunghoon, jay, jake, karina, and winter had shown up with gifts that made your daughter smile so bright. her classmates had shown up, excited to celebrate heejin on her big day– you watched from the side as you took in all of it. some of the people you loved most in one place to celebrate the person you loved most. 

seeing your daughter happy made you happy and that was all you could wish for. 

you took a gander at all of the people enjoying the party when a knock at your front door catches your attention. you jog over to the door and are met with heeseung, a cheesy grin on his face as he carries several boxes in his arms, peering from behind it to reveal himself. 

“i hope i’m not too late?” he says and you just chuckle, telling him that the party was just beginning. you invite him inside, instructing him to set her gifts onto the table in the far side of the kitchen as the two of you join everyone in the backyard. 

you can hear gasps coming from your friends as they see you and heeseung standing together, a sight that none of them thought they’d see so soon. “yo! heeseung, you made it man.” jake says, standing up to shake his friend’s hug as everyone follows to do the same. 

karina and winter send you a teasing glance, the two of them pointing to you and heeseung like you were all kids teasing their friend when their crush walks by, earning them an eye roll as you laugh it off. 

“where’s the birthday girl?” heeseung asks, still holding onto a small gift as he walks back to you. you pointed at heejin who was playing tag with her friends; unafraid to get rowdy with the little boys in her class. “heejin, bambi! come here, you’ve got a gift.” you shout and she comes running as she hears the word gift. 

heeseung crouches down to her size and hands her the gift, “happy birthday heejin.” he says with a soft smile, one that heejin returns. hugging him to thank him, “can i open it mama?” she asks and you gesture her to ask heeseung since it was his gift– earning an eager nod from heeseung who encouraged her to open it. 

heejin tears into the small box, a gasp escaping from her tiny mouth as she sees the box, the gift wrap revealing a soft brown deer plushie with a pink bow and blushing cheeks. she jumps up and down in excitement, her arms wrapping around heeseung’s neck to show her appreciation for the gift. seeing heeseung hug her back pulls at your heartstrings as you watch all of it unfold, an image in your head that you thought you’d never see. 

your daughter and her father sharing a tender moment with an embrace. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

the party dies down once the sun has set and most of the guests have gone. the only people left were your parents, winter and sunghoon, and heeseung. your friends had offered to stay back to help you clean and because your mother was your mother, she wasn’t going to let you clean up alone even if you had your friends to help. 

heejin was in the living room with bright eyes as she looked at all of the gifts she had received, several gifts of stuffed animals, toys, clothes, and other presents that a small child would appreciate. “okay, bambi let’s get ready for bed. you can play with all of your toys tomorrow, ok?” and heejin nods, grabbing the deer plushie that heeseung got her and taking it with her as you help her get ready for bed. 

heeseung notices you and heejin walking away and excuses himself from your mother to which she just nods and tells him it’s okay and she’ll take care of the rest of the chores in the kitchen. heeseung parted with a small bow as he makes his way to what he assumes is heejin’s room. 

winter and sunghoon on the other are glancing at each other, having confirmation with just their eyes as they watch heeseung run after you. 

“you know.. not to be a conspiracy theorist but doesn’t heejin look like.. heeseung?” winter asks, whispering to sunghoon as she walks a bit closer to him. “no, i see it too. also, the nickname? we used to say heeseung looks like a baby deer all the time when we were in college and yn nicknamed her daughter bambi?” sunghoon adds and winter looks at him like he’s just spilled the deepest secret one can hold. 

sunghoon and winter send each other knowing glances as they both arrive at a revelation. 

“hey, you guys alright?” heeseung asks while popping his head into heejins room with a soft knock. you tell him that you’re just her ready for bed when you wave him inside. “thank you for the gift, she loves it a lot. i’ve been looking for that thing for months and i can’t believe you were able to find it.” you tell him and heeseung chuckles.

“it’s no big deal” he responds and you ask him about how he knew to get that for her. “she talks about it whenever i drive her to school, she also mentioned that her mommy calls her bambi and i figured it would make the perfect gift.” he explains, making it a point to reference the bambi part as he knew that was also a nickname he had within your friend group, one that you started. 

you hoped that you weren’t too obvious with that but chose not to dwell much longer on the nickname as it could just be coincidence– although it wasn’t. 

“thank you for the bambi!” heejin says as she walks back into the room in her pajamas. heeseung pats her small head as she climbs into her bed, tucking her into her blanket as you ask her about her day– heejin rambling on about her favorite parts of the day which just turned out to be every single aspect of her party. 

you smiled at her as she went on and on, “but my favorite is the bambi.” she says while stretching her arms out with the plushie in her hands and then bringing it into her arms for a hug. “thank you dad.” heejin says and it catches you and heeseung off guard– heejin herself doesn’t even realize what she’s said as she gets cozy in bed. 

there was a sense of awkwardness between the two of you at the comment by your daughter and it causes heeseung to start questioning things and putting puzzle pieces together. the possibility that he could’ve been heejin’s dad hadn’t crossed his mind once and now that it’s been brought up; it’s all he was thinking about. 

“goodnight, baby.” you say before placing a kiss onto heejin’s forehead and as you’re about to leave; she calls out to you. “mama, can you sing me a lullaby?” she asks and even though you were exhausted, you weren’t going to say no to your daughter. 

“can i?” heeseung asks and you couldn’t bring yourself to say no when heejin looked so excited, so you nod and heeseung takes a seat on the bed next to heejin who was still hugging the deer plushie. 

heeseung then begins to sing a song to your daughter. you haven’t heard his voice in so long, the melodic trill of his vocals, a symphonic honey like sound that lulled your daughter to sleep in no time, her soft snores mixing with heeseung’s beautiful singing. 

when the two of you were certain that she was sound asleep, you carefully walked out of her room and shut the door as softly as you could. as you try to walk back to finish some cleaning, heeseung holds onto your hand and whips you back around to look at him, his gaze filled with love and the same type of longing that has lingered inside of him for years on end. 

“can we talk?” heeseung says and you nod, letting him know to continue. 

“i know that i hurt you when i made it feel like you were just a rebound, but that couldn’t have been more wrong. it was always you, i’ve always loved you and i would always choose you. my ex and i were constantly fighting throughout that week and the day i came running to you was when we broke up but i never told you why… 

we broke up because she realized how much i loved you in comparison to her and it wasn’t fair that whenever i was with her, all i could think about was you. 

i’ve loved you since the day i met you and i just never had the courage to say that, but i would write your name in the sand again and again after the waves have swept it away if it means that my love for you is shared across the seas.” 

tears streaming down your eyes as heeseung’s hands gently cup your face, his thumb wiping your face of your tears. heeseung brings you into his arms for an embrace and when he feels your arms wrap around him, he breathes a sigh of relief knowing that he was finally able to get that off of his chest.

something that he’s had weighing on him for so long and was so happy to finally profess his love for you. the girl he loves and will always love. 

when you pull away from him with a sniffle, heeseung wipes your tears again as you lock eyes, “is she mine?” he asks in reference and you nod, finally telling heeseung the secret that you’ve held for the last five years. 

tears sting heeseung’s eyes at the information and he holds you even tighter in his arms when he hears the news. he couldn’t believe that the beautiful girl he just sang to sleep was his daughter. joy was an understatement to describe the emotion that he was feeling. the type of love only a family could share where they’d do everything to keep the family together and happy. 

you and heeseung spend the night sharing stories of what you’ve missed in each other’s lives in the time that you were gone. tears, laughter, and tender touches shared between the two of you as you do your best to rebuild your relationship from scratch. 

“thank you for giving me another chance.” heeseung whispers as you lay in his arms, the moonlight shining onto your faces, leaving a small white cast into the room. 

“thank you for not giving up on me.” you respond, heeseung placing a small kiss onto your temple before you both drift off to sleep. a type of joy and delight radiating from your bodies that neither of you have felt in so long. something you would have only gotten from one another. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

you’re awoken to the smell of grilled meat wafting throughout your home, your nose dragging you to the living room to find heejin and heeseung in the kitchen cooking together. “what do we have here?” you ask and they turn to look at you, “mama! he’s teaching me how to make pancakes and bacon.” she says, running over to you and hugging your legs. you pick her up and walk back to heeseung who was setting the last pancake onto the plate. 

“let’s eat.” he says and you all sit at the table together and enjoy breakfast like a family for the first time. a moment that you’ve always wanted to share as a whole family and now that you’ve finally been able to share the truth with heeseung, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. 

“heejin, i have something to tell you, ok?” you tell her and she’s looking up at you with her big doe eyes, identical to heeseung’s who was shyly sitting to the side. “remember when you asked me where your papa is?” and heejin nods, a small pout on her lips. 

“bambi, heeseung is your papa.” and you’ve never seen heejin move so fast before as she’s jumping out of her chair and into heeseung’s arms to which he welcomes her, hugging his daughter with so much love that you could feel it coming off of them. heeseung extends one of his arms to invite you over and as tears fall from your eyes once again, you join in on your first ever family hug. 

you didn’t know when this day would come and you were elated that it came sooner after you had been running from it for the last five years. the happiest moment of your life with the family you’ve created could’ve never happened if you didn’t face heeseung and allowed for him to bare his soul and heart to you. something you should’ve never been afraid of. 

heeseung waited for you every single day, thinking about the day that you’d come back to him and when you’d finally be his. to his surprise, you gave him a beautiful daughter that, although he has a lot of time to make up for, was so happy that he wasn’t too late to watch her grow and be a part of her life. 

no matter how hard you tried to run from having to face this hardship, heeseung was thousands of miles away back in korea waiting for you with only love in his mind. wanting nothing more than to have you back in his life and to never let you go like he had done the first time. 

the image of your broken face replayed in his mind every night when he slept, thinking about the pain he must’ve put you through without knowing the full capacity of what you had to experience alone. he wished he was there by your side through every single step, holding your hand in the delivery room, taking photos of you as your stomach grew, witnessing his daughter’s first steps and first word, everything. 

but now that he was back, he was going to make sure that he didn’t miss anything else. 

you and your daughter instantly became the most important people in his life, knowing that he’d love the both of you endlessly, unconditionally, and forever. 

forever. 

something that he’d always associate with you because you are his forever and now, so is your daughter. 

love should be forever and you were forever going to be loved by him. it was like love and forever was synonymous with you because to heeseung, loving you is forever. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

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[preciouslittle-bhaalbabe]

If you could write Raphael in as a companion, how would be be recruited? What would his approvals/dissaprovals be? What is his personal quest? Would he be romancable?

That's alot of questions!

Ok settle in because this is going to be a big read. I put way more thought into this than I should have lol

Disclaimer: Obviously this isn't going to align with canon and will require a disregard for most of the story beats involving Raphael as an NPC, like the entire House of Hope quest. This is just a fun little "what if" and isn't to be taken seriously.

Recruiting Raphael:

He will find you. Either one night in camp or in one of many spawn triggers on the map in the wilds. His conversation about the tadpole and offering his deal will be mostly the same. In order to recruit him, you must express interest in the deal. Either by agreeing right away, or saying you'll consider it. Raphael's responses are basically all the same even if you agree to the deal, he won't actually make you sign a contract. He'll tell you to "shop around".

Then, you must ask "if I do want to take this deal, where would I find you?"

Raphael's response will be something along the lines of:

"I'll be around. In fact, maybe I could join you in this little misadventure. I'll lounge about in your camp while you run around looking for answers. I could offer sage advice, experience, or even be a confidant."

DIALOGUE TREE:

"If you'd like to join us, by all means. We could use all the help we can get."  ←

"No, no way."

"Why would you want to run around with a bunch of mortals like us?"

"Fine, but I'll be keeping an eye on you."

"It's settled then, I'm sure I will be a very valuable asset. This is going to be fun."

"If you'd like to join us, by all means"

"No, no way." ←

"Why would you want to run around with a bunch of mortals like us?"

"Fine, but I'll be keeping an eye on you"

"As you wish. You'll change your mind. Of that, I am certain. And at that time. It will be too late. Best of luck."

The party will be transported back to camp/where Raphael spawned.

"If you'd like to join us, by all means"

"No, no way."

"Why would you want to run around with a bunch of mortals like us?" ←

"Fine, but I'll be keeping an eye on you"

"There's something about you that I find fascinating. I think it would be to our mutual benefit, should I join your merry little band." (back to dialogue tree)

"If you'd like to join us, by all means"

"No, no way."

"Why would you want to run around with a bunch of mortals like us?"

"Fine, but I'll be keeping an eye on you" ←

"Oh, I am counting on it. I'll be keeping mine, on you. I'll see you soon."

All dialogues except the outright refusal will result in the party being teleported back to the spawn, or back to camp, where Raphael will be waiting.

If you refuse to recruit Raphael, he will be seen again at Last Light, talking to Mol. You only get that once chance though to recruit him. After that, he operates similarly as he does in game as an NPC for Astarion's personal quest. He will be present again in act III in The Devils Den as set dressing for Sharess' Caress. In which case you can talk to him about what he's doing there. He will say he's just enjoying the show, watching the group run around trying to save themselves. You can ask if he would still join the group, at which he will laugh and say.

"Oh no my dear, that ship sailed long ago. Now, I'm just here to witness the carnage, and benefit from all this tragedy."

If you do let him join, he will remain in camp for all of act I and act as a giver of advice/merchant for rare items. He accepts soul coins as currency. In act II, he will leave for a few long rests to get information regarding Astarion's scars, once that event is triggered.

If Raphael does join the party, you will need to do a skill check to keep both Wyll and Karlach. If you fail to convince them to stay, they will leave the party or even become hostile, by some dialogues.

Raphael's Personal Quest:

His personal quest will align with his desires in the base game. He will have much to say that provides context to certain story beats he was previously involved in. Such as the Shar stronghold in the Underdark. If Halsin is not alive, Raphael can be a means to get information regarding Moonrise, the shadow curse, and the Shar stronghold. He will not have a romance scene at the party. Though much flirting can be exchanged and you can choose to think about him as you go to rest for the night.

The first thing he will ask you to do is help him kill Yurgir in The Shadowlands. If you do kill Yurgir, he will help Astarion with his scars. If you don't he will greatly disapprove and you will need to "convince" him to stay. He's messing with you. The skill checks don't actually matter, though they will have different dialogue responses depending on success/failure, and start the player off on lower approval than if you did kill the orthon. Though if you do refuse to kill Yurgir, his romance arc is locked and you cannot romance him later.

This is when he will officially join the party. I think he'd be a bard, so that's what his class is in this little "what if".

His personal quest then involves the crown of Karsus in act III. His arc will include "Archdevil Supreme" or convincing him to give up the crown. With resulting romance/platonic cutscenes for both.

Approvals:

Prioritising yourselves over the problems of others.

Agreeing to help others, for a price.

Exploiting people.

Anything he finds entertaining, like interrupting the bugbear and ogre.

Disapprovals:

Being kind/taking on quests for nothing in return.

Siding with the Absolute cult.

Using illithid powers.

Raphael Romance:

This is a tricky one. I think his romance would be mostly backloaded and starts in act II. If you talk with him at the party and express interest, you two can exchange some steamy words as he recites a poem he wrote for you. You can then either laugh at him and reject his advances, or say you like his way with words. He will then express a very primal interest in you, and say it's best if he let it fester a while. He wants to string you along a little. His greetings won't change, and there won't really be anything to indicate that the dating flag has been set. But if you flirt with him and express your own interest, it will be flagged. You will also have the option to tell him you just don't see him in that way, that you prefer to keep the relationship 'professional'.

In act II, (if you expressed interest previously) after you kill Yurgir, and Raphael joins the party officially. Raphael will have started off with more approval than the other companions, if the romance dialogues were met in act I and you asked him questions about himself/expressed gratitude for his advice when speaking with him in camp. If his approval is lower, you will have chances to get it up around the shadowlands. After approval is high enough, he will approach you and say he has enjoyed his time with you with an odd amount of sincerity. He will say he sees the potential in you and what you and him can accomplish together. That he has been watching the way you lead and handle yourself. And that, oddly enough, he has admiration for you. (side note, there would probably be more dialogue if the player is a dark urge/raided the grove. But I don't have enough brain juice for that currently.)

DIALOGUE TREE (there's lead up of course but I can't be bothered lol so here's the lock in dialogue):

"I spend most of my time categorising people by what use they have to me. And you have proven yourself very useful. But there's something else. Something I haven't experienced in another person for...A long time. I have grown quite fond of you, you know- in my way. Unexpected, but not repulsive. I very much enjoy you and your company."

What are you saying? ←

So I've just been your pawn this entire time?

I'm quite fond of you as well, I'm sure you know that.

I'm sorry but, I just don't feel the same way.

If I wanted to bed with a fiend, I would summon an incubus. Not some pompous arsehole.

"I'm saying, I would like to be something more. Something other than the professional relationship between future client and patron. I would like you to be my paramour, my flame, my right hand. I would like to discuss my plans with you, and lie with you at night."

What are you saying?

So I've just been your pawn this entire time? ←

I'm quite fond of you as well, I'm sure you know that.

I'm sorry but, I just don't feel the same way.

If I wanted to bed with a fiend, I would summon an incubus. Not some pompous arsehole.

*laughs* "Well, yes. I thought that was obvious, dear. But I would like to be something more than that. You have impressed me in many ways. You're ruthless, you're determined, and most of all, you seem to also be interested in me. I would like you to be my paramour. My right hand. Someone to discuss my plans with, and lie with at night."

What are you saying?

So I've just been your pawn this entire time?

I'm quite fond of you as well, I'm sure you know that. ←

I'm sorry but, I just don't feel the same way.

If I wanted to bed with a fiend, I would summon an incubus. Not some pompous arsehole.

"You've made it quite obvious, my dear. I'm flattered, really. But if flattery is not the limit of your intentions, I would very much like to explore something more. I would like you to be my paramour. My right hand. Someone to discuss my plans with, and lie with at night."

What are you saying?

So I've just been your pawn this entire time?

I'm quite fond of you as well, I'm sure you know that.

I'm sorry but, I just don't feel the same way. ←

If I wanted to bed with a fiend, I would summon an incubus. Not some pompous arsehole.

"How interesting. I was sure- No matter. If that is how you feel, that is how it is. I may have overestimated you. That's it then, no more has to be said. Have a wonderful evening, dear."

What are you saying?

So I've just been your pawn this entire time?

I'm quite fond of you as well, I'm sure you know that.

I'm sorry but, I just don't feel the same way.

If I wanted to bed with a fiend, I would summon an incubus. Not some pompous arsehole. ←

*laughs* "Well well, I seems to me that I have given you entirely too much credit. So be it. You will continue to be my puppet, and I will continue to enjoy watching you squirm for your worthness, pathetic life."

Every option besides the rejection one has that similar dialogue. If you agree to the romance, being the one he lies with, he will smile and take the players hand to kiss the back of it. Raphael will then snap his fingers and the two will be transported to a very cozy room with candles and a very large bed. After some more dialogue, the player can choose to have sex with Raphael in either his human or cambion form. Maybe I'll write that section in more detail in a smut or something but for now just use your imagination lol

In act III, Raphael will express a similar interest in the crown of Karsus as Gale does. His iconic monologue about Karsus will still exist. You can either encourage this in a similar fashion, or convince him that uniting the hells would be an impossible task and a death sentence. If you go Archdevil Supreme route, Raphael will become the ruler of the nine hells and you will live there with him as his infernal spouse. He will be loving but distant, and busy. Running all nine hells takes alot of work. The player will want for nothing though. They will have access to every outlet of pleasure and luxury possible. The player will also go through a subtle but apparent transformation to be a little more fiendish, so they can tolerate the environment of the hells. If convinced to give up the crown, he will continue as he is. He will go from between the House of Hope and wherever the player is. He will spoil the player as much as he can and visit often. Sometimes the player will visit him as well. But they still lead their own lives.

I'm sure I could refine the romance arc but I think these are good bones for now.

Thank you for the question! I spent like three days thinking about this lmao.

[keelt9]

Chapter 2

Masterlist

A/N: Ok I was planning to publish, like every Wednesday but I was so busy that I couldn't. Still it's San Valentines day and week, I won't let it pass. Also I have something planned for this day but well my days and my schedule didn't fit.

However! Happy Valentine's Day 😘

Thanks for reading! 🍒

To her surprise the next day Monet came running like every morning after finishing her two hour painting, of course with more breaks than painting from time to time. 

Just this time, he came with a strange fluffy toy.

“Monet!” She goes down taking the toy of his snout looking around expecting to find the owner of the toy. 

Instead the only one she found is Officer Lynch finish his shift. “Oh Y/N, leaving too?”

Y/N smiles; since she added painting in her morning routine Officer Lynch always make sure she stay safe, when Monet was include to the equation, he secure multiple eyes are on him.

“That’s what I’m trying but I’m afraid Monet took this from someone.” Y/N stands with the toy in her hands grabbing her bag and the canva. 

“No!, that’s his.” Officer Lynch smiles leaving more confuse Y/N. “Joey gives to him.” 

Y/N sees Monet tapping his paws for she gave him back his toy. “What?”

“Joey and he are…making a special friendship, he came the day before Christmas to give him this, but I guess you went out, then after New Year still you didn't come until today.”Officer Lynch smiles when Monet sniff his hand.

Y/N feel confused, her dog has a friend? “Yeah, we went with my father and then I had tons of work so I wasn’t able to come until today.” 

“That explained a lot of things.” The man patted Monet's head. “Don’t worry Y/N, Joey is such a good guy, I dare to say one of a kind.” He smiles at Y/N who keeps confused and intrigue. “Both of them are taking care of each other, trust me.”

“Ok?” 

Y/N can barely answer but her eyes back to the toy in her hands and the fact that actually could be one of the reasons, these days Monet just needs to perk out at their house for he starts to look around the block observing his surroundings like he was actually expecting someone.

Joe leaves the park with a wide smile on his face, he arrived there earlier than he does, doing his usual routine expecting that little spotted puppy came running. 

20 minutes later, Joe sees him appearing among the trees with his green bandanna over his neck moving the tail side to side. 

“Hey buddy!” Monet sits waiting for Joe's hands pat his head to stand on his two legs. “A few days and this cast will be history.” 

Monet sees the bump in his hoodie and smells it. “Right, Merry Christmas and happy New Year.” Joe giggles seeing the puppy smelling incessantly as he opens the package. 

Monet grabs it right away, biting it over the ground as Joe sits on the bench observing the dog, a few minutes later, Monet puts it over his lap, waiting as he sits.

“I can’t actually throw that far with the other one.” Monet tilted his head. “But what about short distances?”

That’s how they spend the time with Joe throwing the toy, then Monet searching for it walking back and repeating the action until both of them sit on the grass. 

“Water?” Officer Lynch asked in his last lap around the park. 

Joe sees the bottle and accepts it; the question is how Monet will drink? “I think I need a plate or something.”

Officer Lynch give him one. “Mrs. Howk always had one in case Monet visited her.” 

Mrs. Howk is a lady that used to come every morning to feed the doves or birds in the middle of the park.

The Officer Lynch couldn’t avoid smiling seeing that to boys drinking water worn-out even they just play for a short time. 

“That’s his present?” He saw the fluffy toy in front of Monet. 

“Yeah, I seriously start to believe he loves it.” Joe sees Monet laid on to his left, clearly tired. 

“I guess he does.” For the Officer Lynch is adorable the bond he’s abel to witness, increasing day by day, after all that’s the reason why people said dogs are the bestfriends of people.

“Morning.” Savannah enters her friend's house with her PJ's; Nora has a morning training that probably Savannah forgets.

Dragging her to the couch, she laid down, closing her eyes as Monet starts to sniff her, all he can reach.

Savannah laughs when Monet takes the pillow from her face so she can give her attention to him.

“Ok, sorry, sorry, hi boy.” Monet barks, laying his head on the top of her tummy.

Y/N smiles. “Breakfast?”

“And coffee.” Y/N turns around to get the coffee machine ready.

“Hey, that’s a fabulous toy.” Savannah said standing from the couch, her hair tossing in every possible direction. “Where did you find it?”

Y/N quickly sees the fluffy toy over Monet's bed. It’s been a couple of weeks since Monet has it and already looks like it’s had 3 years of use. 

The first day after he had it, Y/N was surprised by the fact Monet barks next to his bed where the toy was. It took her a couple of seconds to realize he wanted to take it for their morning in the park. The following weeks that toy was already in the bag next to the door, the one Y/N takes to the park every morning with her paintbrush and cans of paint along with a few snacks and water of Monet.

“You don’t need permission, huh?” Y/N sat kneeling in front of her dog who looks at her big shiny eyes, like she’s the only person he loves. 

Y/N giggles and kisses his head before putting his collar on. “I love you so much, you know that?”

Monet barks, liking the first part he has at the reach, her arm. 

 Y/N serves two plates, and cups of coffee before serving Monet’s food. “I don’t. Monet’s friend gave it to him.”

“What?” Savannah laughs. “Monte has a friend, ok, who?”

Y/N pat Monet’s head as he smells his food. “I don’t know.” 

Savannah choke with her coffee. It’s not a secret that Monet used to spend free time around the park; she already witness too, he goes first with the man of the coffee, who always has his small cart for selling coffee and with the wise recommendation of Y/N a small treat for him, then he spends time with the lady who feeds birds follow he taking his time with the officer before spend some time in the bench between the trees where you can see the strange conjunction among the old houses and clear big sky at the back. 

But Y/N knows them really well, she used to spend her days there when she was a kid, her grandparents not living so far away from there; after she decided to come back it’s like the time didn’t pass.

Savannah alarms ring when the dog she loves so deep, has a friend and she doesn't even know who it is.

“And you’re ok with that?!” Savannah sees her friend sitting in front of her calmly.

“Officer Lynch knows him, he calls him Joey.” Y/N lift her shoulders. “For the name probably it’s a kid that plays with him before going to school.” 

Y/N giggles seeing her friend that bewildered. “Come on Sav! I don’t want to scare a little boy saying, <Hey don’t play with my dog.>” Y/N remember who badly she wanted a dog when she was a kid but the resources and time weren't appropriate.

And she's reluctant to take that small connection with a kid that probably has been through the same.

“Monet is so happy every time he comes back with me after playing with his friends and probably the kid too. That’s what matters, right?”

Savannah observer at Monet, soon he will be 6 months older and he’s growing up so quickly and big, besides that’s what she works with him every weekend, training him for any unexpected event.

Savannah works in a physiotherapy for dogs and training them too, she knows for sure, if that Joey kid could be mean, Monet simply walks away.

“Happy and healthy dog.” Savannah said, as Y/N nods with a bite of her waffles in her mouth. 

Still the name keeps resembling something Nora mentions the time she took Monet for a walk.

For Ja’Marr it was equally impressive, every time he sees Joe these last weeks he’s so determined to recover and improve every day, along with the rehabilitation, the fact he’s taking piano classes and his new dog-friend makes Joe take things with calm but confidence.

“You play with the dog, he helps you to stay calm and relax, then you wait for the next day and do the same.”Ja’Marr jokes. 

They meet for dinner in Joe’s new home. “What does the dog and the owner have in exchange for that?”  

Joe chuckles, he already thinks about it, with the multiple things he could do to help her and Monet.

“Monet.” Ja’Marr giggles for his friend's correction. 

“Right, sorry, Monet.” Chase takes out the salad of the food they order. “I know a little bit  about dogs, but they eat, sleep, drink and need vet things.“ He points at his friend with the fork. “And that sounds expensive.”

Those words keep Joe’s mind busy all night and in the morning increasing when Monet and he start to play, seeing the fur of Monet shine with the sun and the fact he's always clean and healthy.

Monet brings the toy for Joe, takes it and throws, with more force than he wanted due to being immersed in his own thoughts, he knows it for the time Monet takes for coming back with nothing.

“Shoot.” Joe mumbles when he sees Monet smelling around the place, still finding nothing. 

They lose track of time until a text from his assistant announces they have been waiting for him for 20 minutes, he observes a Monet with regretful eyes as the dogs keep looking around the place with the hope of finding his toy. 

Officer Lynch appears in the path with worried eyes, it’s been tree times since Monet has been called; Y/N already called him knowing if Monet is with him or has been see him and with who. 

“Thank God!” He’s relieved to see Monet and Joe together. “Hey boy, time to go, they’re looking for you at the entrance.” 

Still Monet observers Joe begging for his toy, making his heart squeeze.

“Can I borrow one of these and a pen?” He has an idea, that will, if he's lucky enough to help him to have some type of contact with his owner.

“Shit!” Y/N was about to run to the back of the park with his heart almost coming out of her chest when Monet appears running up the path.

Y/N collapsed on the floor hugging Monet so tight by the neck feeling all the air she's been containing finally out, taking the weight from her chest.

“God! I was so scared.” Monet breathes incessantly as he moves his head around.

What calls for her attention is a strange crunch around his neck under the bandanna; she lifted it carefully and saw a small roll of paper.

“What is this?” She observes her dog with narrow eyes as she unrolls a fine?

“YOU HAVE A FINE?!” Y/N sits on the ground chuckling at the funny situation of her dog carrying a fine. 

The scrappy writing helps her to understand.

 >I'm so sorry, I lost the toy of Monet and we're searching for it so he refused to go and… I'm so sorry to make you feel worried, I'll fix it I promise. 

     -JB

Y/N sees Monet thinking how bad the kid must be feeling for lost the toy and probably being search by Officer Lynch around the park.

“We will fix this later, now, I'm going to work late, let's go boy.” Monet barks as she puts the leash in his collar.

That's what she plans until the meeting that afternoon, things are going pretty well and the company has a last minute plan for Valentine's day, one more time she is stuck in her house for days.

Y/N loves her work, she never dreams about working in webtoons, however from the first second she was linked with the first writer she knew, she found her dream job.

“Y/N!” Savannah screams from the entrance letting go Monet for finding his owner. “We're here.”

Monet does his routine, the one he does every time he comes back home with her, before going to drink water.

“One minute!” Y/N mixing the colours properly makes the transition smoother.

“Pizza?” Savannah is tired, she loved cooking unless she's tired

“Sure.” 

Savannah perks to the room. “Hey, Nora couldn't take him to the park, but he's been my help dog these days.”

Y/N smirks, the last thing she could picture is Monet helping, he’s an amazing boy but with so much energy for helping dogs who are recovering. 

“Believe me, I bet some ladies are following him more than I expect.” Savannah said walking back with her phone in her hands ready for making the order.

Y/N takes a quick glimpse of the canva next to her, the park when the summer begins, and couldn't avoid worrying for the little kid who probably is expecting Monet every day.

She laid her down head on the chair. “Wait a little bit kid, but I'm stuck here.”

Two pizzas later, they crash on the carpet, Savannah jumps remembering something.

“Oh, I've been asking and nothing.” Savannah turns around her head to see Y/N “No one knows where we can find a toy like that.”

All these days Y/N has been searching on the internet, in her small runaways to the mall but nothing.

Y/N sighs, she hopes to be able to go to the park for Monet goes with his friend.

“You will take the fine with you?” For Savannah, it is still a hilarious story about small talk through a fine.

Y/N giggles. “How will communicate with him?” She keeps that fine in her bag. “I don't want to scare him going to him with Monet after disappearing for days.” 

Y/N feels already bad thinking probably the kid believes it's his fault and she's mad.

“I choose the notes over the talk.”

Joe feels awful he goes back searching for a new toy but they ran out of it. So he went to the park moving his hands against each other trying to find the words to introduce to Monet's owner but all seemed worse than the last one.

“Hey I'm Joe, I lost your dog's toy, besides he's been with me these days helping with the recovery and more than that.” 

He gets down his head, that definitely sounds awkward.

It only increases after the second day Monet didn't appear, and Officer Lynch said he hasn’t see him either.

She's mad, definitely mad.

Either way Joe continued going every morning hoping to find Monet but for two weeks he didn't come.

The following week he had things to do outside of Cincinnati but his mind couldn't avoid thinking about his furry friend. 

“Morning Joe.” Officer Lynch said founding him at the entrance after finishing his shift. “A little bit late, huh?”

It's around 9 am, by that time he's usually back at home having his breakfast, still he just goes there for a routine.

“A little friend has been waiting for you for a long time.” Joe opened his eyes running to the beach as he said thanks to the Officer who giggled; Joe looks like a kid running to see a lifetime friend.

Monet was the first one to hear him and smell him, by the time Joe was about to see the bench Monet was barking, running to him gasping as moves around him happy to see him.

Joe kneels and the long licks in his hand as the sniffing around him, is his clear show of love.

“I miss you too buddy.” Joe patted him from his head to his back before hugging him around his neck.

The crunchy sound calls for his attention, by Monet eager movements his bandanna moves and he sees the fine and his writing.

“Is it for me?” Monet sees him gasping.

He unties the fine around his collar.

 >We're not mad! I'm sorry I had tons of work these weeks. Don't worry I'll keep looking for the toy, it helps me if you tell me where you find it. 

  P.D. Monet loves freebies. 

 P.D 2 It's been a week, please Monet miss his friend, don't stop playing with him. 

         It's just a simple mistake.

   P.D 3 Why am I even writing this? 😂

The perfectly drawn emoji makes Joe giggles, as the first P.D where the ink is more dull helps him to understand in fact she’s been writing every week he wasn’t here.

“It's kind of witty your owner, huh?” Joe scratches the back of his head.

Monet carefully smells his hand still with a bandage on it.

“Oh, I'm getting better.” 

Joe takes another look at the note one more time, smirking at the fact she actually writes in blue or green tint.

“A frisbee, I can get more than one, you know.” He kisses Monet's head. “A colour in mind?”

Monte barks jumping over him in a clear sign of bliss.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag:@harryweeniee @hellsingalucard18

[eddiegettingshot]

genuinely can i ask why you're so against people viewing eddie through a woman coded lense and finding it interesting to compare his own experiences traits and storylines with other female chracters? seeing as you yourself speak frequently about your headcanon for how much "buck diaz" wants to be eddie's submissive housewife who grows a magic womb and gives him tons of miracle babies or whatever and a lot of people use buck liking cooking/ wanting children/being emotional as evidence for this (which what the hell, sure) id thought you'd be open to the feminization of eddie the same way so many people for years have been feminizing buck. the only difference between the two is i see buck feminized more with sexual connotations while eddie's feminization comes from a more societal and familial analysis i think which don't get me wrong both have their heteronormative moments (single parent (which like it or not is most often applied to female characters)/eldest "daughter" parentification/denying himself what he wants etc are the arguments i most see for eddie) not trying to start a fight i just am curious about why you feel one's ok and not the other cause gotta be honest your vehement reaction to this kinda gave me a bad taste in my mouth considering how passionate you are about your headcanon of eddie being this macho dom top which im sure some people also feel is a gross mischaracterization as strongly as you feel about this like,, long story short i guess im just saying let people enjoy things! lol

i think woman coded is stupid as an actual character/tv analysis 😭😭 if someone said buck was woman coded id fucking laugh too because it’s not actually a useful way to analyze his character whatsoever and genuinely have you ever seen me make this claim in earnest for buck? because i don’t do that, ESPECIALLY not citing the reasons you included here, and i also don’t write him as a submissive housewife in my serious creative work.

as you pointed out yourself for eddie it comes from “societal”/“family” which to me feels obnoxious because the ENTIRE point of eddie’s character and specifically his relationship to fatherhood is that he is a man who’s raising his son in a way that he wasn’t allowed from his own father. people yell so much about eddie’s toxic masculinity or his relationship to masculinity or whatever but in the face of choices he makes/ways he behaves that are in active opposition to those kinds of ideals the response is “ok so this means he’s being coded as a woman” … not to mention the flip side of this seems to be a way of looking at SHANNON that’s patently ridiculous considering that her entire story (what we have been allowed of it) is specifically tied up in motherhood, her feelings of failing as a mother, etc. viewing these canon storylines in this way and making claims about these characters like that is patently different from a widespread half-joke about how getting struck by lightning made buck impregnable… i’m sure you see that?

and suggesting that i think eddie is a macho dom top is like actually kind of hilarious considering literally the one thing i’m always talking about is how he ISNT macho 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 at every turn i am on this blog arguing about how this man is emotional and vulnerable and goofy while the fandom at large insists that he’s not. i’m sorry like. hello?? i also outright said i don’t care about being progressive, i didn’t say anything was problematic, i just think this is an obnoxious and hilarious way to intellectually look at things (and deeply transparent but i digress).

[beardisable]

NO WAY HOMESTUCK UPD8

ok i went thru 8r8k frame by frame on my second watch and made quite a lot of notes and i thought id post them bc its fun !

GOD TAVVY IS SO COOL… im so glad a tavros gets to be so cool holy shit, his name lives on 💪

sollux with the food delivery person 😭 something something essential workers in the middle of an apocalypse

god this song fucks so hard, ashamed i dont immediately recognize it from my teen years of only listening to hs soundtracks on repeat (ITS AGGRIEVOCATION FROM VOL 10. ROSE BANGER)

ok hold up. meenah with the red miles? OH nvm its her life powers… anti-red miles… infrared miles

THE ANCESTOR PAINTINGS RRHHHAAAGHHHHHHHHH

dissapointed tpose teenvriska <3

THE YIFFY AND KANAYA STAREDOWN… i LOVE the tavvy kick(insane) but i also wish we saw kanaya chainsaw a missile in half

UNCLE DAVE- 😭 wait does his captcha card say FA99YUNC. ok i think its AA99YUNC but PFFFFF (discord confirmed its 4A99YUNC. continues to be hilarious)

karkat nooo 😭 im glad he hasnt fallen into the trap of masc adulthood

I NEED TO TUCK THEM INTO BED OUGH THEYRE SO CUUTEEEEEE I LOVE HOMESTUCK ART

that hyperrealistic sollux is killing meeeee 😭

something. something about jade falling down and jakes fist closing and lighting up and aufhghgh SO GOOD I NEED TO RUN AROUND MY APARTMENT BUILDING IN CIRCLES BUT ITS SNOW

ok now i actually get to see wtf was up with jakes jesus moment

THE CRACKED GLASSSESSSSSSSS AND HER RISING UP IN THE FUCKING RESURRECTION RAINBOWWWW oh my god it looks so gorgeous

JADE CRACKING NECKSSSSS wtf is she even- is she like bringing their skulls outside of their heads and THEN cracking their necks? like theres an extra step here that i appreciate for the flavour girl

these 2 lovers on the battlefield having the shortest enemies to lovers that is possible in homestuck since usually it takes between 3 to billions of years for anyone else

wait i literally didnt even see that she pressed this.

christ the yiffy/fuchsia/carapacian/drone robot thing is so fucking cool i want to cosplay that IMMEDIATELYYYYYYY AAHHH

WHY IS VRISKA BONKING AND SHOOTING HER KIDSELF- i dont remeber what happened just before this- (got this explained and idk why i was suprised, she hates herself)

KARKATS LITTLE FUCKING. CRAB ROBOT!??!?!?! IM SLACK JAWED

holy shit ant man is here

little guys

seeing the contrast between the literal massive guy and fucking. that one guy that was a god i think? crying over his food delivery in the middle of a battlefield and saying um nope, is so funny

jake fucking. hope torch. (like from deadpool & wolverine)

OH. of course she finished on year 8. i should have seen that coming tbh

ohhhh ok she stole johns phone lmao-

NO BUT. the fact that teen vriska is so scared of her reaction and immediately recoils and puts her hands up in defence bc it seems vriska HAS been like. fucking with her trying to kill her and hurt her. so shes not at all expecting vriska to actually hug her and then immediately melts into her embrace…

i need a fucking minute oh my god 🥹 the vrisual novel and this has thoroughly made me a vriska lover

RUNNING THRU ALL THE PANELSSSS AAAAAAAGHHHHHHH SO GOOD

chewing on the hand mirror

VRISKA NEW OUTFIT LOOKS SO GOOOODDDD FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF the 8 into infinity… and beyond!! hehe

among us

OBSESSED WITH THE VRISKA DESIGN AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oughghghghgh the permanent crescent moon but then vriska in front of it to Light up the whole thing- SCREAMINGGG

SHE BURNED AN INFINITY INTO THE GROUND IN HER FLYING RAMPAGE omfg

i just really enjoy the little pixellated jane

YEAH.

okay thats it im. wow. wow. WOW!!!!

GOOD NIGHT

[pangaeaseas]

The Founders as Myth and the Characterization of Voldemort

ok so as a fandom we should be willing to admit that story we get in canon about the foundation of hogwarts makes like no sense historically right? like how the fuck was this modern school existing in tenth century Scotland (scotland of all places). that does not track with any basic historical knowledge how the fuck was a nineteenth century boarding school randomly invented in the tenth century without massively changing the history of British education. It is much more likely that the institution of Hogwarts grew over time and its original form was nothing like the modern form. so in order to resolve this dilemma we should be able to admit that the founders are at least somewhat mythologized. the only one we have any evidence really existed was Rowena ravenclaw, and like the grey lady could be lying. And Rowena Ravenclaw existing...doesn't actually imply the others did. It makes more sense that they would be either not even real people or historical figures given anachronistic significance (your classic random medieval king suddenly the founder of a nation in the nineteenth century).

So where does this leave us? With a much more plausible idea of the founders as the foundational myth of modern wizarding Britain. Yay fun with historiography!!!

Except. Oh. Wait. Isn't there a character who would be massively impacted by this headcanon. Oh. Yeah. The main villain of the series, a man notably obsessed with his own self-mythology...see the Dark Mark and the whole title of Lord Voldemort, an identity specifically constructed to be all that Tom Riddle was not.

I think it's really interesting to think about Voldemort's characterization in light of the idea of Salazar Slytherin as a historiographical myth. Whether or not Voldemort knew his imagined ancestor it's very intriguing, but I think Voldemort knew. He's smart and inquisitive and interested in making himself into a figure of myth. Voldemort isn't descended from Salazar Slytherin. He deliberately played into the myth of Slytherin to create his self image and power.

This raises the further questions of the artifact horcruxes. Did Voldemort think they were real? I personally believe the locket and cup had no powers but were made up artifacts for made up founders, family heirlooms of the Smith and who-even-knows families given a founder association for prestige, and the diadem was a real artifact made by a real scholar named Rowena Ravenclaw (with a more period accurate name this is the modernization lol) that was later associated with Hogwarts. If you interpret Voldemort as buying into the mythology, he could easily have believed the artifacts had more power than they actually did (which is pretty funny and IC of him lol, mr. I don't actually know how the elder wand works). But if Voldemort knew Slytherin was made up, did he choose the artifacts to keep playing up the myth by disappearing these famous items, like the cup of Hufflepuff? Did at some point he lose track of whether he was faking it?

I don't have the answer to every question about how treating Salazar Slytherin as a myth impacts Voldemort's characterization, but I think it's a really interesting example of how worldbuilding can make characters more nuanced and I think this idea should be talked about more!

[diminuel]

Ok so about a year ago the girls' gc exploded bc bestie #1's ex came up on her ig explore n he has a kid WHO, FOR REASONS ONLY KNOWN TO THE UNIVERSE, has been in #1's pre-k for a whole semester (she's a kindergarten teacher - same campus different block) and she never knew until she stalked the ex's ig. Then bestie #2 was like "ah. bad time to say I've known for a while but didn't think. It was. Relevant?" And then bestie #1 was all "WHY? NO. HOW DID YOU KNOW?" and bestie #2 goes all "(guy) was in all my uni classes and he was pretty chill so we're still friends on FB and we compare groceries prices sometimes"

It was a FUN day for the gc that day lemme tell you that.

Anyway getting to the point - saw the Sakazuki - Dragon shenanigan you started and thought lol what if Borsalino was bestie #2 and Sakazuki was bestie #1 losing his goddamn mind because that CANNOT be THEEE spawn of a Monkey D. That CANNOT be THEEEE spawn of THEEEE Monkey D Dragon on that bounty poster. And Borsalino ✨️ just goes ✨️ oooh he takes after his father~ ✨️

"YOU KNEW?!"

"✨️ you didn't? ✨️ "

X'DDD Tormenting Sakazuki hours!

But how did Borsalino know?? X'D Is he in a group chat with Vegapunk, Dragon and Kuma or something? *lol* Also, does Borsalino know who Luffy's other parent is? How??

(At first I thought you were talking about the AU where Dragon's other OC kid Grumpy (who looks just like Dragon) joined the Marines. Sakazuki somehow had absolutely no clue even though he must have seen the kid around because surely Garp would make sure his one grandkid who actually listened to him went straight to HQ for training. "Kid looks familiar. I want to strangle him for some reason. Must be nothing..." Idiot man.)

[voltaicsnail]

Valentine's Day !

I can talk about my OCxCANON ship right now !! I am ALMOST too late !

Crepusculeshipping (temporary name for now)

Ramzi is totally simping over Lysandre but in the AU where my ship happens , Lysandre doesn't go along with the fact that Xerosic just disobeyed his orders and activated the weapon. The weapon wasn't activated , Ramzi did have to "'fight" Lysandre to make him understand that he was being irrational , that he was taking things way to far and beyond the wish of "immortality" by wanting to nuke everyone and that he needed help more than anything.

Lysandre got arrested , almost willingly , and probably judged "criminally insane" at the time and a danger to himself as well.

Ramzi actually stood by his side and assured that he could heal properly and get back to a more stable state than the one he was in when he decided to save the world from impending doom by BEING the impending doom itself.

Ramzi didn't wanted to break Team Flare down suddenly but asked Lysandre if he could take the lead for a moment to try to undo all the wrongs they had done.

They both still suffer from huge amount of guilt about the past actions of Team Flare and Lysandre often is scared of letting himself get that intense and irrational about something.

The drawing however take place before the events I just mentionned as it was just Ramzi trying to be romantic during his first Valentine Day with Lysandre.

They are actually pretty romantic with each other because it's Kalos.

(yes i'm not fond of the ending of pokemon xy as i think it's wasted potential :( )

Orangesorbetshipping (found while brainstorming a bit with @williceunleashed (he said "something orange and cold ) soooooo...)

Pedro and Zinzolin started on a bad relationship , Zinzolin being an higher up , and Pedro being basically a bully , but they ended up bonding over black and white 2 timeline , to the point of getting together.

Pedro is a BAD person , evil to the core , so they fit together. They tend to insult each other all the time , to just be mutual bullies but they actually care a bit about each others.

However they should both be in jail , especially Pedro.

Redcarpetshipping !

Alexa was just doing her job , but she ended up bonding with one new rising star , Pia.

Pia was pretty happy to tell Alexa anything she wanted to know only because Pia is the kind of person to develop a crush in the span of one minute. But it's ok Pia , we understand you.

They actually became very close friend , and didn't get together until after Lysandre was arrested.

They really like physical affection and going to theaters and hanging in museum , but sometimes Alexa tries to impose her hobbies a bit more and they end up going on a hike to do a documentary on a weird rock on the top of a montain. Pia loves to see Alexa so in tune with her projects and would count all the peeble and film all the landscape in the world and even do a documentary on dust if it meant she could see Alexa thriving.

That's it for my current ships !

So , to put it simply :

Ramzi-Lysandre / Crepusculeshipping : They both need therapy for life

Pedro-Zinzolin / OrangeSorbetshipping : They both need jail for life , especially Pedro (I hate him and love him at the same time)

Pia-Alexa / RedCarpetshipping : green flag all over

[joejhang]

theories + predictions before tgr comes out

not in any particular order. spoilers for tsc and obv aftg. if any of these happen individually i will be insufferable. bonus if more than one of these ends up being true. feeding my god complex fr.

jeremy killed a sibling. either accidentally or on purpose both works for me. tho it would be a million times more interesting if it was intentional. obv there are a million and one jeremy theories floating around but something about jeremy being a repented murderer endears me to him the most. like THAT'S the nora sakavic kinda character i know and love. anyway yeah there is definitely something weird about jer and his siblings tho. cat mentions two brothers, but so far we've only heard about annalise and bryson. cat also hesitates before saying "two brothers" so we can safely assume something happened with one of the brothers. my bet is that one of them is dead, that's why she hesitated to say. jer probably (definitely) had something to do with it. annalise also says that he ruined the family. and references the fall banquet of his freshman year. but idk if the siblings stuff and the banquet stuff is actually connected.

bryson tried to kill jer/they had a huge ugly fight/bryson was just abusive in general. i get these vibes. jer was desperate to avoid him and mentions him like once the whole book. cat mentions that he's a "tool" and a "jerk" and jer's convo with lucas about grayson is also notable, but that last part might just be bc jer's a nice guy, not to do with his own sibling issues. but yeah i think this is pretty likely, like they always had tension between them, then after mystery brother died, all of it came to a head and they had a really bad fight and someone was badly injured/nearly died.

annalise dies. this isn't very likely but i think this would be a PERFECT book two plot point. just imagine how it would WRECK jeremy. all of jer's carefully constructed masks and facades and fake smiles and pretending everything's fine would all come crashing down and it would essentially force my long-awaited jeremy crash out into action. it would force him to confront family issues, his older brother, his parents/step-parents??? and also the fact that he is deeply Not Ok™. also it would be a neat parallel that both jean and jer would now have dead younger sisters. bonus points if she dies in a car accident. if this happens i'm actually god.

kevjean interview goes horribly wrong somehow. my delusional ahh NEEDS neil to crash it but i can admit that that isn't likely and that i just miss my shayla. whatever. i'm pretty sure it's confirmed that kevjean IS having an interview together???? and since kevin is confirmed showing up in tgr i guess this will be it??? ok listen. i know nora said in the ec that kevin and jean would never be friends again, but i still have HOPE for them ok. kevjean you INVENTED one-sided homoerotic yearning. anyway i have no real thoughts about how it would go wrong probably just an interviewer stepping out of line and either jean or kevin crashing out during it. if someone attacks jean, i honestly honestly believe kevin would defend him. kevin is NOT a coward, and especially now that riko's dead and tetsuji is out of the picture, and after the whole "i've never been skiing" thing i doubt kevin is gonna be living in fear and paranoia and secrets anymore. and if he's gonna defend anyone to the press, it's obviously gonna be jean. and jean would do the same for kevin. guys i'm holding out so much hope for kevjean it's gonna ruin my life.

grayson death. is this not like, confirmed??? whatever i just need to see it happen. or hear of it happening. and i'll smile contentedly knowing that neil ordered the hit on a napkin at a thai restaurant. GOD i love that man like nobody can. it would also be very interesting to see jean, lucas and the other trojans' reactions to his death.

gameplay!!! i will admit, neil made me somewhat of an exy junkie asw. i'm so interested to see how jean narrates exy games and how the trojans play in their comps. unfortunately i doubt we'll see any championship games in book 2 but i'm hoping for book 3 and we get to see the trojans become champions for the first time!!! i have mixed feelings about the trojan red card thing but i wouldn't be mad if it happened. i kind of think it seems unrealistic tho tbh. but it WOULD be fun. yeah ummmm and i need to see like a scene where jeremy gets hurt and jean realises he cares IDC i am a SIMPLE simple girl. also i'm curious to see how the exy storyline plays out w jean. it's confirmed he never makes court, but i'm interested to see if he ends up actually enjoying the game, bc i think it wouldn't be a fitting end to the trilogy if he continues to play but resents it. i do think it is possible for the trojans to teach him how to actually love the game, but we'll see.

someone in jer's life/past committed or tried to commit. maybe it was even jeremy himself. idk i definitely think jer has some dark past, whether it includes like drugs or violence or gangs or murder idk, there's just SOMETHING there i can smell it. something that makes jeremy "captain sunshine" knox the black sheep of his rich political family. also jeremy being "unexpectedly ferocious" when jean made a quip about suicide. noted.

jeremy family drama. idk this is just a general note for uncovering more info about jeremy's complicated family. i need to know like, what's up with his dad. his dad is either dead or out of his life, because he only refers to his mother and stepfather. also why jer doesn't like being referred to by his last name and what he did to tear their family apart. contrary to popular opinion, i actually don't think it has anything to do with him being gay. i acc don't think his family knows he's gay. i feel like otherwise they would've just cut him off completely. like why is he still involved in campaigns and shit???

jerejean almost-kiss. this is just me manifesting tbh.

jeremy crash out. duh.

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Happy (belated, sorry, I'm bad at planning and deadlines!) Valentine's day @tellmegoodbye ! Here's your gift for the @tarlos-secret-cupid exchange!

You said you liked different first meeting AUs, and those are some of my favourite things to write, so I hope you'll like this one.

For one weekend only (AO3)

What if Carlos and TK had met in NYC before Owen and TK came to Austin?

----

"What are you doing for valentines day?" Luisa asked, walking into Carlos' town house without bothering to ring the doorbell or even knock.

"Do you mind?!" Carlos demanded, quickly closing his laptop. "I'm busy. And how did you get in?"

Luisa held up a key.

"Mom and dad have a spare key."

"Yes they do. For emergencies. This is not an emergency and you shouldn't have that key."

"I told mom you borrowed something of mine that I needed and you were at work." she sat down on one of the barstools in Carlos' kitchen. "I didn't think I'd be walking in on my little brother watching porn though." she nodded at his laptop.

"I wasn't watching porn!" Carlos protested. "And even if I was, that's none of your business. Now what are you doing here?"

"How would you like to go to New York City?"

Carlos frowned.

"New York City?"

"Yeah. Big city on the east coast. Times square, statue of liberty, Broadway, that kind of thing."

"Yes I'm familiar with it, thanks."

"Ok so, how would you like to see it for yourself?."

"Are you offering me a trip to NYC?"

"Yes. Kind of. You and me together." Luisa told him. "It'll be a nice brother and sister bonding trip."

"You want to go to New York with me... What's the catch?"

"What makes you think there's a catch?"

"Because the last time you were nice to me for no apparent reason was when I was 10 and you got Miguel to put a lizard in my bed on the ranch."

Luisa laughed a little at the memory.

"I never knew you could scream that loudly."

"Yeah, yeah, it was hilarious. So now tell me what's up with this trip to new York?"

Luisa rolled her eyes.

"You're so suspicious. You're just like dad."

"Lu…"

"Ok fine. Remember that guy I was dating? Ricardo?"

"Hmm."

"I dumped him."

"Good. He was a tool."

"You only met him once!"

"And yet I know he's a tool. You only ever date tools."

Luisa rolled her eyes. She knew Carlos had a point but she'd be damned if she was going to admit it.

"Anyway, he was sleeping with two other girls behind my back."

"See? A tool."

"I only found out because one of the other girls DM-ed me and showed me pictures."

"Still not beating the tool allegations."

"So I dumped him but I'd booked a trip to NYC for us for valentines day."

"Ok…"

"And everything is paid for and I'll lose my deposits if I cancel. And the flights are non refundable."

"Right."

"So I thought I'd take my baby brother to the big city." she clapped in her hands. "We can go to a gay bar and get you a guy. And who knows, maybe I'll find a girl who is worth my time."

"Since when do you date girls?"

"I don't. Well. Not yet. I've never been with a girl so I don't know if I'm actually into girls or not. This could be my gay awakening."

Carlos sighed but decided against arguing with his sister about the details of her sexuality.

"Come on Carlitos. You and me and a wild weekend in the big city. There on the Thursday, back on the Monday."

"What if I'm working?"

"You can take a few days off."

"Ok. Fine. But I'm not sharing a bed with you so you better make sure there are two beds in that hotel room."

“Fine. I wouldn’t want to share a bed with you anyway. I’d end up with a black eye. You’re such a restless sleeper. Even as a baby.”

“Never had any complaints.”

“Yeah? And when was the last time you shared a bed with someone for more than a quick hook up?”

“No comment.”

“Thought so.” Luisa said and got up. “Anyway, the flight is booked for 4pm on the Thursday and I booked an airport shuttle to drop us off at the hotel there. You do have a valid ID right?”

“Of course.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up around two. Don’t pack too much, we only have a carry on bag each.”

“You’re driving? You want to pay for airport parking the entire weekend?”

“No. Ricardo is. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Luisa gave him a sweet smile and walked to the door. “Be ready on time. And don’t forget condoms!”

“Lu!”

By the time Thursday rolled around, Carlos had to admit he was getting excited about this trip. It wasn’t every day he got the chance to visit a big city like New York for free.

Even if it was with his big sister.

Luisa picked him up in a car that was definitely not hers, and just grinned when Carlos asked whose car it was.

Their flight was delayed and by the time they got to their hotel in NYC, all either of them wanted was food and sleep.

They decided to grab a quick burger from the place around the corner from their hotel and planned out their itinerary for the next few days.

“Do you want to do the tourist thing?” Luisa asked. “Statue of liberty and all that? The hotel offers all day walking tours.”

“That could be fun.” Carlos shrugged. “We could try to get tickets to a Broadway show. Don’t they have this lottery deal? I read about it online.”

Luisa nodded.

“I kind of want to do something more… active than sit in a theatre though.”

“Like that tour?”

“Maybe. Or we could just walk around and see where we end up? I had all these romantic things planned… but I don’t want to go on a horse-drawn carriage ride through central park with you.”

“I could drive one of those myself.” Carlos commented around a bite of food. “Remember when dad and uncle Emilio let us drive one around the ranch?”

“I hated that thing. You always tried to crash it.” Luisa pointed a fry at her brother. “But you never got in trouble because you were the baby. Carlitos wouldn’t do such a thing.” she mocked.

“You and Ana got me in trouble plenty of times!”

Luisa shrugged.

“Payback is a bitch.”

They spent the rest of the night just hanging out in their hotel room and the next day they decided to do all the touristy things you’d see on TV.

They walked around Times square, went to the Natural History museum, had lunch in central park, and hit up some of the tacky touristy shops for some souvenirs.

Though Carlos drew the line at I ♥ NYC t-shirts, Luisa did convince him to buy a shirt with the NYPD logo and a key chain of the New York city skyline.

“So I got a reservation at this restaurant in Manhattan that’s supposed to be really good.” Luisa said when it was nearing dinner time and they were walking through the city on the way back to their hotel. “It’s also supposed to be really romantic and a great place for couples to get engaged.”

“I’m not fake proposing to you to get free dessert.” Carlos said immediately. “Or have you fake propose to me.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that! It’s just… that’s why I booked it you know?”

“You were going to propose to the tool?”

“No! Well… maybe?” Luisa groaned and dropped her head in her hands. “Things were going so well between us. I really thought… well…” She sighed. “I thought he was the one. That I was the one for him… but I was just one of many.”

Carlos’ face softened.

Despite her questionable taste in men, he did love his sister and wanted nothing more than for her to find a guy who was actually worthy of her and be happy.

“I’m sorry Lu.” He let her link her arm through his. “Tell me about this restaurant. Can we eat there and not max out our credit cards?”

She smiled.

“It’s not that bad. I looked for mid range prices. Something nice but not too expensive… Not gold plated truffles, but no fast food either.”

“Alright. I’m in. But I’m still not fake proposing to you.”

After a quick stop at their hotel to change and freshen up, they made it to the restaurant and Carlos had to admit it was a nice place. Though they definitely had gone all out for the holiday and there were pink and red hearts all over the place. They even had a guy sell roses at the tables.

Carlos declined but Luisa ended up buying one for him and calling it feminism.

The food was nice and they talked about everything and nothing and just enjoyed catching up, not paying much attention to the couples around them.

That was until Luisa excused herself to go to the bathroom and Carlos was alone at the table. He played with the swizzle stick in his drink and tried to subtly look around.

He didn’t want to be the weirdo openly staring at people.

There was an elderly couple at a table to his left, holding hands and looking every bit as in love as Carlos imagined them to have been when they first got together.

A little further away there was a couple who were barely looking at each other. She seemed bored and looked longingly at the exit, but the guy didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

He shifted his focus to the other side of the restaurant and saw a guy by himself at a table. He seemed nervous. Constantly looking to the door, playing with the table decorations, his leg bouncing up and down, and taking deep breaths to calm himself; which didn’t seem to be working much.

After a minute another guy walked in and the first guy’s face lit up. He smiled and got up to greet the second guy with a hug and a kiss.

Oh. They’re on a date.

Carlos kept watching them. He figured it must be a first date, given the first guy’s nerves, though they seemed comfortable around each other.

Maybe they’d been friends for a long time?

“Next time I’m going to the men’s toilets. There was a line a mile long for the ladies’ and the entire time I was waiting, only one man went into the men’s.” Luisa complained when she got back to their table. “I’ll pee in a urinal if I have to, I don’t care.”

Carlos scrunched up his face in mild disgust.

“Can we not talk about you peeing while we’re eating please?”

“We’re not eating anymore.” Luisa pointed out. “Do you want another drink or dessert?”

“No, I’m good.”

Luisa nodded and put up her hand to call over a waiter and ask for the bill.

They paid and made their way outside, but as they were trying to decide what to do next, Carlos was suddenly knocked to the ground by someone rushing out of the restaurant.

He wanted to yell at them, but the second he gathered his bearings enough to do so, he noticed it was the nervous guy from before and he didn’t look very happy. The date must not have gone well.

"Are you ok?" he asked, getting up and holding out a hand to help the other man up.

"I'm fine." he said, dusting himself off and avoiding Carlos' gaze and ignoring his outstretched hand. "Just look where you're going next time."

"Uhm you ran into me." Carlos pointed out. "You couldn't get out of that restaurant fast enough.”

"Exactly. So please move aside so I can get out of here. I haven't had the best night ok, I just want to go home."

Carlos stepped aside to let the man pass, but then saw a small box on the pavement.

"Hey, wait, you dropped this."

The man glanced over his shoulder and Carlos swore he saw tears in his eyes.

"Keep it." he said and started walking again.

Carlos frowned and opened the box, revealing a diamond ring.

"That's an engagement ring." Luisa said, looking over his shoulder. "Go after him."

“I don’t think he’s really in the mood for company, Lu.”

Luisa rolled her eyes and ran a few steps after the guy.

“Hey, we were thinking of going dancing somewhere, want to come with us?”

The man looked at her like she’d lost her mind, Carlos thought she might have but still went after her.

“Why would I do that?”

“To improve your night? To show a few helpless tourists a good time?”

“Wow, hold it right there.” the man stopped walking and looked back between her and Carlos. “I don’t know what your deal is.” he motioned to the two of them. “But I’m not looking to be anyone’s third. And I don’t do women. I’m gay.”

“So is Carlos.” Luisa said happily, like that was the best thing to come from the entire exchange.

“And she’s my sister.” Carlos clarified. “We are not together. Not like that.” he shuddered and Luisa punched him on the arm. “What?! You’re my sister. I’m not supposed to find you hot.”

“You didn’t have to be all disgusted. Way to make a girl feel special!”

“I apologise for my sister. Obviously I’m the only normal one in this family.” Carlos explained. “But the offer does still stand. If you’re maybe in the mood to forget what happened in there?” he nodded at the restaurant.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll be very good company tonight. And I’m not much of a dancer.”

“Neither is Carlos. He does a little shimmy, puts on a tight shirt, and turns on the fuck me eyes, and thinks that counts as dancing.”

“Whereas Luisa is obviously America’s next top… dancer?” Carlos said and laughed a little.

The man smiled.

“Alright. I think I know a place. I’m TK.” he said and shook hands with both Reyes siblings when they introduced themselves.

They followed TK and ended up in a bar where he seemed to know everyone. The bouncer let them in without question and once inside several people came to say hello. He introduced them to some people and soon Luisa was dancing with a girl with green hair and a drag queen in 9 inch heels.

“Looks like your sister is enjoying herself.” TK commented. He and Carlos were standing by the bar, nursing a drink, and watching people let loose on the dance floor.

“Yeah. She usually does. She’s a people person.”

“And what about you? Does it run in the family?”

Carlos smiled.

“Sometimes. But I tend to prefer smaller groups of people.”

“Yeah? How small?” TK’s eyes flicked down to Carlos’ lips

“I think… two people is probably my limit.”

TK took Carlos’ drink from his hand and put it on the bar, before running his hand up Carlos’ arm until he reached his neck, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Carlos knew it was a bad idea. The guy had just broken up with his boyfriend (Probably? Maybe?) and a weekend hook up was definitely not his style, but TK was kissing him like a man possessed and Carlos would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying every second of it.

So he decided to just let go.

They ended up on the dance floor, kissing, grinding, groping, not caring who saw them.

At some point TK’s shirt had become unbuttoned, and Carlos’ own shirt was hanging from his back pocket.

He’d felt exposed for about .03 seconds after he’d taken it off, but TK running his hands over his chest and abs had quickly made him forget any discomfort.

And when TK started kissing his neck and slipping his hands into the back of his jeans to pull him even closer, every coherent thought Carlos had ever had went out the window.

“Do you want to get out of here?” TK asked him, breath hot on his ear.

Carlos could only nod and let TK drag him to the toilets.

They ended up in the last stall, and before Carlos’ brain had caught up with what was happening, TK was on his knees giving him the blowjob of a lifetime.

He grinned and wiped his mouth after he was done and pulled Carlos’ in for a lazy kiss, letting him taste himself on TK’s tongue.

“I bet you didn’t expect that when you came to NYC with your sister.” He said, sounding rather smug.

“I really don’t want to talk about my sister right now.” he pushed TK back against the wall and slowly kissed down his chest as he sank to his knees. He undid TK’s jeans and looked up at him as the other man ran a hand through his hair and tugged on his curls.

He had better things to occupy his mouth with.

---

A few months later.

“Morning.” Lexi greeted Carlos as she walked into the locker room to change into her uniform before their shift. “How was your weekend?”

Carlos shrugged and finished the last of his coffee.

“Not bad. It was my nephew’s birthday. He turned 5. So I kind of helped my sister and her husband wrangle twenty hyper five year olds.” he said and Lexi winced. “The kids had fun, that’s what matters.”

He waited until Lexi finished changing and the two of them made their way to the precinct garage to get their patrol car for the day.

“I’m driving.” Lexi insisted, and after the weekend he’d had, Carlos was happy to sit back and let her.

"Did you hear about fire station 126?" Lexi asked, fastening her seatbelt while Carlos did the same.

“Yeah they lost the whole crew a couple of weeks ago, didn't they?”

"Yeah, my sister is AFD, she said the whole department took it pretty badly. Only one guy survived."

"Damn…"

“Yeah...” she trailed off. “But they brought in this big shot fire captain from New York to rebuild the place. It's in our jurisdiction so I figured we should go say hello? We're going to be working with this guy and his crew, might as well get to know them.”

"Sure."

They drove to the fire station where somehow every builder in Austin seemed to be working at the same time.

"Officers, what can I do for you?" a man in his 50s in an AFD uniform approached them as they walked in.

"We're just coming to say hello to the new neighbours. Welcome you to the neighbourhood." Lexi told him and extended her hand. "I'm Lexi Mitchell, this is my partner Carlos Reyes. We work this part of the city too so we'll probably run into each other in the field from time to time."

"Oh well thank you for the welcome." the man shook her hand before moving onto Carlos. "I'm Owen Strand, I just moved here from new York City with my son... Who should be around here somewhere." he looked around. "TK!"

"What?" came a voice from further into the fire station.

"Come down here a second."

They heard footsteps coming closer and someone walked down the stairs. When TK came into view Carlos had to remind himself how to breathe.

TK the new fire captain's son, was the same TK he'd spent the weekend in New York with. One of the best weekends of his life.

He was vaguely aware of Lexi introducing them and shook hands with TK on auto pilot.

He remembered the way those hands had felt on his body. How it had felt to kiss those lips.

"Nice to meet you both officers." TK said politely.

But apparently TK didn't remember him. Or didn’t want to remember him.

It wasn’t like they’d kept in touch after that one weekend, or even exchanged phone numbers. TK didn’t owe him anything. They didn’t owe each other anything. They weren’t dating.

“You too. You work here too?” Carlos asked and TK nodded. “Yeah, I’m a firefighter, just like my dad.”

“Yeah it’s a family affair here.” The fire captain joked. “We’re working on getting the house back in order and getting a new crew together. Hopefully station 126 will be back in business soon.”

Carlos gave him his most professional smile and nod.

“I look forward to working with you, sir. Station 126 has always been an important part of our city.”

They exchanged pleasantries for a few more minutes before Carlos and Lexi left the station to continue their shift.

“What was that?” Lexi asked, pulling out of the parking space by the fire station.

“What was what?”

“You sucking up to the new fire captain and his son? Are you switching teams on me Reyes?”

“What are you talking about? I just said hello. Welcomed him to the city.”

“Please. The guy is probably wondering when your application will be coming in.”

Carlos rolled his eyes and debated telling Lexi about his weekend with TK, but decided against it. TK clearly wasn’t interested in a repeat performance and Lexi didn’t have to know everything about him.

“Whatever.” he mumbled, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

The rest of their shift was thankfully uneventful, as was the rest of the week, and by Friday Carlos had convinced himself he didn’t care about TK Strand and accepted the invitation from some of his coworkers to go out for drinks after work.

Jason from Missing Persons wasn’t bad to look at after all.

The place was busy when he arrived, and he looked around for Jason and the other guys from work. When he didn’t see them, he figured he was the first one there, and ordered himself a drink. He sat down on a free stool at the bar and watched a group of people laughing and line dancing in the middle of the dance floor.

He recognised the new fire captain and found himself looking around to see if his son was there too.

“Fancy meeting you here.” A voice in his ear made him jump. He turned around and came face to face with TK.

“Oh… uh… yeah… hi.”

TK smiled.

“Hi. You come here often?”

Carlos raised an eyebrow at the cheesy come on.

“Sometimes. I’m supposed to meet some people from work.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But they’re not here yet.”

“Good. That means I’ve got you all to myself.” TK said, and didn’t give Carlos more than a second to think before he put his drink on the bar and pulled him in for a kiss. The move so much like what he’d done in New York it gave Carlos a sense of deja vu.

And also he remembered he really liked kissing TK.

“I was hoping I’d run into you here sooner or later. I heard a lot of cops come to this place too.” TK admitted after they’d come up for air.

"Wait… So you do like me?" Carlos asked, confused. Between TK’s kisses and the cold shoulder from earlier in the week, he had trouble keeping up.

"Yeah... I thought that was obvious. Especially after what we did in New York.”

“But you pretended not to know who I was when I came into the fire station.”

“I know… but you were working. And my dad was right there. I had to keep it somewhat professional."

Carlos nodded. He understood keeping up appearances while on the job.

“So… if this had been the first time you would have seen me again… what would you have done?”

TK grinned and pushed open Carlos’ legs and stepped between them, hands coming to rest on his thighs as he leaned forward, face inches from his.

“I think you know.”