#and he let himself be carried by the glory of rome
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trials of apollo but instead of leo getting revived its octavian. calypso not understanding who he is, what he's done, grieves leo's death but doesn't blame octavian.
and then they make it to camp half blood and apollo - his ancestor, the one who had supported him and let him see into the future. a future where the greeks destroyed new rome, one that he had been desperate to avoid. even at the cost of his morality and his sanity.
the same ancestor who had rescinded his support, and octavian had convinced himself it was because the damned greeks were trying to control his gods.
that ancestor was disappointed to see him alive, had been hoping that the other one had survived. and it wasn't just apollo. everyone at camp treated him with varying levels of disgust, every single one of them made it known to him in some shape or form that they hated that he was alive. that they would have preferred him dead.
anyway i haven't actually thought this through, but something about an 18yo who was driven to insanity not just by himself but because of gods who had manipulated and used him. that 18yo needed reviving to a world that hates him, a city that he had wanted to protect which now shuns him.
for funsies make leo's ghost unable to pass on and be tethered to his. or something. have the prophecy force octavian to go along with apollo, meg and calypso to the waystation. have him question everything he stood for, everything he believed in, everything he became. give him a second chance because he was 18 and a pawn of the gods like everyone else.
#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo#pjo#riordanverse#octavian#leo valdez#apollo#does anyone see the vision#like octavian is an awful person yes#but also. he can't drink yet. has only just graduated#he could have become a better person if he had the chance#he grew up surrounded by tales of heroes and legends#and he let himself be carried by the glory of rome#and for what.#he's never going to be mourned like the others who died in that battle#he's going to be remembered as the guy who nearly destroyed them all#and all he wanted was to protect rome#as twisted as his way to do that was#yeah i'd probably hate octavian if he was a real guy#an i dont think he's a good person#but man. he's 18.#i dont know i like to think he would have changed
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Any suggestions for multi-chapter fics with an alternate meeting and happy ending
So many great fics! I have tried to give you a selection, the first few have a festive theme; then some recent fics; and some old classics. Let me know if you like them! ~Jen
Here is our alternative meeting tab.
A boyfriend for Christmas by @caramelcoffeeaddict CoffeeAddict80
When Kurt takes his 6-year-old nephew, Caleb, to see Santa, he's mortified when Caleb asks Santa to give his Uncle Kurt a new boyfriend for Christmas; Blaine - who is working as one of Santa's helpers - however, is eager to help Caleb get his Christmas wish.
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The Christmas Guest by @lilyvandersteen
Kurt goes home for the holidays and finds out a fellow passenger will have no-one to celebrate with, so he invites him to spend Christmas with the Hummel-Hudsons. Somehow, Kurt's family thinks the guy he brought home is his boyfriend. As the days go by, and his Christmas guest proves enchanting in every way, Kurt finds himself wishing they truly were dating. Could his wish come true?
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It's who I'm with by hundredindecisions
In an attempt to make industry connections (and pay rent), Kurt gets a job as a nanny for the daughter of a Broadway producer. When bringing her to a piano lesson one day in December, he meets Blaine Anderson, personal assistant to a famed pianist. (For Klaine Advent 2021)
~~~~~
Leaps and Dives by @annepi-blog
As the 2024 Paris Olympics unfold, gymnast Blaine Anderson and diver Kurt Hummel find themselves navigating more than just their athletic dreams. Blaine, focused on his second chance at Olympic glory, crosses paths with Kurt, a newcomer to the world of professional diving with extraordinary talent. What begins as a chance encounter blossoms into something neither of them expected.
~~~~~
Sonder by @gleefulpoppet
[AU] Kurt is one of the most respected and talked about men in the fashion industry and business world. His app Style•Revolution is the fastest-growing app in history, still rising after three years. Recently, he moved the company to Seattle to be at the heart of the newest technology epicenter in the United States. Yet, with all his success, experience keeps teaching him to be wary of people’s motives who want to be close to him, and he wonders if he’ll be alone forever. Or maybe this city has plans for him that he can’t imagine when his gaze locks with a mysterious, honey-hazel-eyed busker.
~~~~~
Swords and sands by exquisitetragicthing
Ancient Rome AU, 73 years BC.
Blaine and Kurt are enslaved in the same grand villa in Capua, 125 miles south of Rome. Blaine is a renowned gladiator known for his unmatched skill in the arena. Kurt is their master’s treasured body slave and performer. In a time where their love could be as dangerous as the sword, they find themselves instantly and irrevocably drawn to each other.
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Crema verse by twobirdsonesong (Main verse plus 65 one shots!)
Kurt’s just landed a job at Vogue as Carrie Bradshaw’s assistant. One of his tasks is to bring her coffee in the morning. Enter Blaine, the barista. This is the story of how they change each other’s lives.
~~~~~
Syrup and Honey By @heartsmadeofbooks
Kurt Hummel is 25 years old when he finds himself being the owner of the bakery he had been dreaming about his whole life, just in time to sweeten up Blaine Anderson's days.
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Barking up the wrong bakery by maanorchidee @forabeatofadrum
Kurt is the biggest dog party planner in Los Angeles. When his usual dog bakery cancels on Kurt, he’s in the dire need of a last minute replacement. Luckily, he comes across the Dalton Doggy dog bakery, which is run by Blaine and Cooper Anderson. Cooper’s a mess, but Blaine manages to charm Kurt. Will Kurt be able to keep it professional?
~~~~~
The Symphony verse by Shandyall
Blaine has spent most of his life feeling like the only thing people notice about him is that he stutters. He’s working hard to overcome his (mostly self created) roadblocks when he meets Kurt in an online class the summer after his freshman year of college.
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Westerville Abbey verse by @hkvoyage
Blaine is the second son of the earl of Westerville, and is considered the spare heir. After his 18th birthday, he attends the London Season to fulfill his duty of finding a wife. He soon realizes he is more attracted to the new footman. Kurt, who has just arrived at Westerville Abbey to work alongside his father, becomes equally as smitten with the earl’s youngest son. Will Blaine and Kurt be able to overcome their class differences in 1910s England? Will their forbidden love survive WW1? A Downton Abbey inspired historical Klaine AU.
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Ghost OC: Markus

Some facts about this bastard whumper oc of mine (art by @idiotwithanipad ). Tw: mentions of abuse, conditioning and SA.
Died 70 AD in his mid thirties from pneumonic plague. Served in the Roman army most of his life, reaching the rank of Legate, also served as an overseer for the armies captured slaves. Because of this, he carried a flagrum (whip) attached to his armor, which he took with him in death, as well as his dagger. Despite having left Rome as a young boy to travel with his father, he idealised his country and dreamed of returning as a hero.
Markus loved his Empire to the point of obsession. He only had respect for his fellow Romans, in particular his fellow soldiers. All other nations he viewed as savages or barbarians, destined to be beaten down and subdued, but he held a special contempt for Britons and was looking forward to finally leaving the wet, miserable country shortly before his death.
When he died, the ghosts who inhabited the land were Robin (then Rogh), Penelope the former slave-bard, and Gaius, a fellow Roman who died a few decades prior after the local tribe sacrificed him to their water goddess by drowning him in the lake. Markus respected Gaius, who had outranked him in life, and saw him as a close friend. He lusted after Penelope, but she refused to submit to any man with a whip again, and also had the protection of the other men there. He hated Rogh at first sight, disgusted by the sight of him, the epitome of a savage. But it was seeing Penelope happily let herself be touched and kissed by the caveman that boiled Markus' blood.
Despite hostilities, Markus concealed his feelings for the most part for Gaius' sake, who wished to keep the peace between their little group. Gaius was fond of both Rogh and Markus and never quite saw his fellow Roman's true colors. Markus would keep trying it on with Penelope but Rogh only became more protective of her, which made things more heated between them.
After Penelope moved on, Rogh attempted to make peace with Markus at Gaius' prompting, only for Markus to begin abusing Rogh. He discovered that it was possible for ghosts to hurt each other with enough force, even if they did regenerate quickly. As wild and capable as Rogh was, he stood no chance against a man in armor, with a sword and whip at his use. When Markus threatened to hurt Gaius if he spoke up, Rogh reluctantly agreed to let himself be hurt in secret. This was his biggest mistake.
By the time Gaius moved on, Rogh's sanity was already beginning to wear thin, but losing his last friend and being trapped with this psychopath was the last straw. Likewise, Markus was just as infuriated to lose his 'brother' and be stuck with a filthy savage. He saw it as his right to 'tame' the beast, just as he always fantasised he'd done to Penelope. Markus took advantage of Rogh's unstable mental health and conditioned him to believe this was what he deserved and that he was no better than a dog, not worthy to speak, stand or sleep on a bed or sit anywhere but the floor. Rogh, starving for any sort of human interaction, was eventually broken.
Markus had never been a stable man to begin with, but his time as a ghost made him start to go mad too. Instead of seeking company with the one other ghost he had with him, he chose to take out his pain on Rogh, beating him and whipping him and shouting him down for seemingly no reason. He started to fantasize about the gods coming to take him to Elysium, to see his father again, to know he'd made something of himself instead of being forgotten to history. Rogh could only cower in the corner and watch the other crazy man mutter to himself about his apparent glories, while waiting for his next random beating.
It's only when, after many decades of isolation and abuse, Markus begins to have other desires and tries to assault Rogh one night which makes the caveman finally snap. He left and sought company in a pack of ghost wolves who took him in, and Rogh was able to get them to help him attack Markus viciously, tearing beneath his armor and mauling him over and over until he ran and hid. Rogh's mind was gone, for now, given into becoming the beast Markus thought him to be, but at least he was free (don't worry, he got better).
No one saw Markus ascend. Robin is certain he's gone as he could no longer smell him, just over a year after he left him to join the wolves. But who is to say if he went up or down....or if he's still somewhere hidden on the grounds. Robin continues to have nightmares about the man and refuses to watch epic films about Ancient Rome (like Gladiator) because the sight of the armor gives him ptsd.
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Marcus Acacius x Original Female Character
General Marcus Acacius is the great hero of Rome, and weary of being sent to fight another war after the victory at Numidia. Before he must depart again and lead more young men to die for the glory of the empire, he steals away in the night to visit the temple of Fortūna to make a secret offering to the goddess of fortune and fate. An offering received by none other than the Sacaracirix Fortūnae, the High Priestess herself.
I had this idea for a Marcus/High Priestess fic before the movie came out and even though I loved his relationship with Lucilla, I still wanted to write it. This is an AU, he's not married and there's no infidelity involved. Many thanks to my partner in crime, @meanderingcaptainswanmusings, who helped me work out some of the details in this and brainstormed with me!
Word Count: 7,027, Rating: Mature
AO3 link
......................................Fortunate One........................................................
No matter the lateness of the hour, the city at the very centre of the world was never fully quiet.
Rome was the capital of an empire that stretched from exotic lands to the east of spice and silks, all the way up to that barbaric isle in the north where tin to make bronze and rain that could soak you right to the skin were both in plentiful abundance. As the capital, it was a metropolis full of senators, citizens, soldiers, traders, nobles, and slaves all drawn from across the great expanse, where torches burned all hours for illumination and business was as brisk at midnight as it was at midday in certain quarters. When a lone figure slipped unnoticed from the opulent Imperial palace that ruled over it all into the streets below it was late, very late, and yet people still milled about under the watchful eyes of the ever-present Praetorian guards. Men of all ranks, even women of the lower classes, out running errands and seeing to more personal needs. They visited the bathhouses to perform ablutions for a reduced fee from the daytime rates, filled the taverns to overflowing to eat, or more commonly, drink, and packed the brothels to slake other thirsts behind the distinctive red doors that marked the many houses of pleasure from more reputable establishments.
Amidst them all Marcus Justus Acacius, general and commander of the Imperial army, muffled himself in a hooded cloak to avoid being recognized beyond the palace walls and melted unseen into the crowd. Rough wool hid his tunic from inquiring eyes and concealed the blade he carried in case of thieves or assassins as he made his way across the city in the back of a tradesman’s plain cart. It was a far cry from the gilded chariot he had ridden to traverse the same streets in triumph only a few days prior, blessed by the gods themselves with another glorious victory. It was a far bumpier ride too, jolting along with no adoring masses lining the route and tossing flowers to soften his path tonight. There were only drunkards gone too deep in their cups staggering about, whores with painted faces beckoning from dark alleys where one was far more likely to find a cold knife waiting at the other end instead of a warm cunt, and slaves scurrying around on illicit errands for their masters. With his face hidden behind his hood Marcus saw hollow eyes and sunken cheeks on many, more than he ever remembered seeing before in a city rich with Egyptian gold and silver from Hispania. He’d watched the twin emperors let entire feasts rot uneaten back at the palace while they played their juvenile games of constant one-upmanship in front of a captive court and spend lavishly on whatever nonsense had caught their fancy that day, and his own fine meal sat heavily in his stomach as the cart lumbered past beggars with empty bowls and urchins looking for scraps.
The people needed bread, not battles.
He gave the owner of the cart another coin when they arrived at his destination, enough to buy food for both himself and his horse even at the current prices. As it rolled away Marcus looked up at the face of one of the temples that were as abundant in Rome as trees in a forest, each dedicated to a god or goddess. Neptune. Venus. Apollo. Just like the oaks and the beeches and the spruces, they all tried to stretch closest to the heavens and eclipse the others with their splendor. He’d already made the expected and very public visit to one of the large temples devoted to Mars, bringing extravagant offerings to the god of war. All soldiers worshipped Mars and Marcus had been a soldier since the age of fourteen. It was his destiny since birth to serve Mars, named as he was in the god’s honour and Mars had blessed him generously over the years in return. He’d risen to command the Imperial army on campaigns across the known world and brought back glory and honour for the empire. New lands conquered. Spoils of war. Rival dynasties crushed to dust. All for Rome.
The temple he stood in front of now under the cover of his cloak was not dedicated to Mars, or even his father, Jupiter, at whose main temple wealthy Romans competed with each other to offer the most ostentatious gift to the king of the heavens. He had not come to make a showy display of devotion for a gossipy audience as General Acacius, he was here in secret for reasons of his own. With his face still hidden he made his way up the steps and found no bar to the door despite the lateness of the hour, the temple welcomed any and all, day or night. Marcus pushed his way inside and found himself alone in an empty chamber, it appeared he was the lone worshipper tonight. His footsteps echoed in the cavernous room as he crossed the distance to the main altar, where a marble statue with the form of a beautiful woman presided over it to receive her due.
Fortūna
Goddess of fortune, luck and fate.
He glanced up at the sculpted face from under his hood before kneeling down on the stone floor and bowing his head. The altar was laden with gifts, a small jar of honey, a length of cloth dyed a rich ochre yellow, a bundle of dried herbs carefully tied with a bit of twine. Offerings left for the goddess in hopes she might bestow good fortune in return, during harvest time, at the gaming tables, in a marriage bed. He placed nothing on the altar, waiting on his knees with the patience that had seen him through marching endless miles across the empire with the army and listening to grandiose speeches by the emperors that seemed to last even longer. Fortūna watched him from behind her stone eyes until she saw fit to send one of her priestesses into the near-empty chamber, a woman in a stola the pale green of a new leaf and as young as a sapling herself. He sensed her regarding him for a moment and kept his head bowed, looking down at the floor.
“What do you seek?” she asked. “One who has come to the temple of Fortūna at this hour?”
“I seek an audience with she who speaks directly to her, Fortunate One.”
“She does not receive most who wish her to intercede with Our Lady,” the priestess warned.
Marcus looked up at her. “She’ll receive me.”
Whether it was the conviction in his voice that commanded five thousand men or because the priestess could tell he would stay kneeling on the floor all night if she wouldn’t take him beyond the public area of the temple, she finally nodded and gestured for him to follow. He rose to his feet with less grace than he would have preferred, silently thankful his joints wouldn’t have to take any longer on the unforgiving stone. He wasn’t a brash young soldier anymore who thought himself as invincible as the gods, his bones ached now when it was damp and there was more and more grey in his hair with each passing season.
At least he’d lived long enough to see grey hair. He’d known many who hadn’t been as blessed by the goddess of fate.
The priestess led him past a heavy drape hung behind the altar and further into the temple. While the building was narrow when viewed from the front, it was surprisingly long and they passed through several of the inner chambers before she finally stopped.
“Wait here,” she instructed, not pausing for a response before disappearing through a door and leaving it open just enough that Marcus could make out the murmur of feminine voices inside without hearing what was actually being said about the late-night visitor. Only women were allowed to serve Fortūna directly, to reside in her temple and perform sacred rituals in her name. No men could join their ranks, not even eunuchs, while their worship was welcomed and their offerings accepted, men were forbidden from joining the goddess’s inner circle, her Fortunate Ones.
The door opened a fraction more and the young priestess came back out, followed by others in identical dress. The handmaidens of fate, chosen from across the empire because they were born with Fortūna’s gifts, the second sight, prophetic dreams, could read palms and see what was to come in the lines and grooves and he could feel their eyes all on him as the lone man in their midst. His rough wool cloak was in sharp contrast to the light stolas that fluttered so gracefully when they briefly surrounded him as they silently moved past as one, like butterflies alighting from a bush.
“You may enter, Citizen,” the priestess said, either not realizing who he was or choosing not to address him by his name or title. He suspected it was the former rather than the latter, it was far from his first visit. “She will receive you now.”
Marcus knew what the priestess meant, and yet there was a lump in his throat as if the goddess herself was waiting for him on the other side of the door. In a way, she was. He didn’t hear the rest of them depart fully, melting back into the deep shadows on silent feet so that he found himself alone in the temple of fate. He raised a hand and traced the shape of a wheel carved into the wood, the Rota Fortunae that the goddess spun and changed the fortunes of kings and plebeians alike. None were spared the turn of the wheel. He gave a slight push to the centre of it and the door opened fully, while his hood slid back seemingly of its own volition when he stepped into the chamber within and left his face fully exposed.
There was no need to conceal his identity before her. Both Fortūna, and the Sacaracirix Fortūnae, the High Priestess who ruled over the rest of the Fortunate Ones and served as keeper of the goddess’s temple.
She was arrayed as finely as any queen of the lands Marcus had conquered for the empire, in a close-fitting robe embroidered all over with more symbols of luck and fate and trimmed lavishly with snow-white fur. Large gemstones adorned her ears and her vermillion-stained lips curved in a smile while her ringed hands reached out for his in welcome. Marcus went to her and took the offered hands in his own, bending his head to press his forehead to the backs in supplication. In the presence of the emperors he barely even dipped his chin anymore, offering only the most token homage to that pair of spoiled children in their ill-fitting crowns. With her, he kissed each hand in turn with reverence, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of sweet perfume on her skin.
“General Acacius,” she said, her tone formal and without a hint of familiarity. “I greet you, on behalf of Our Lady.”
She’d greeted him thus when they’d first met, during the annual mid-summer festival honouring the goddess. That year the festival was a special one, when the former High Priestess had chosen her successor from among the women who served in the temple. A larger than usual crowd watched as the choice was made and the rest of the Fortunate Ones surrounded the two women, one old and one young. They raised their arms high in the air, joining their hands and panels of cloth attached to their shoulders and wrists unfurled like wings to conceal the two in the centre from view while the crowd clapped and cheered. Once they lowered their arms and stepped back again they knelt down to reveal their new mistress, who was dressed in the attire of the old while the woman she’d succeeded had vanished entirely as if by magic.
Marcus had watched it all from the prime position he’d secured on the temple steps, entranced by both the spectacle and the woman at the heart of it all. He wasn’t a general then, just an ordinary soldier newly returned with the army in time for the festival thanks to a favourable wind that had seen them arrive back in the city a day earlier than expected. He had brought an offering for Fortūna to thank her for the luck she’d brought him during the campaign, a small but brilliant blue gem that was like a drop of ocean turned to stone, plundered from the once independent kingdom that belonged now to Rome.
“I greet you, on behalf of Our Lady,” she’d said when it was finally his turn, shoved forward by the press of the people behind him so that they were standing closer than decorum allowed. His cheeks were warm with drink, or at least that’s what he told himself when he placed the little jewel in her palm.
“And who has brought this gift from such a great distance?”
“Marcus Acacius, my lady.”
Her skin was as soft as a rose petal when she rewarded his offering with the touch of her free hand to his cheek, looking up at him with a smile far more brilliant than any gem.
“Marcus Acacius,” she repeated, as if committing it to memory so not to forget him. “Thank you.”
When he raised his head from the hands that were still as delicate and soft as that day so long ago she lifted one and touched it gently to his cheek.
“You have returned again from a great distance, or so I hear,” she said. “Fortūna be thanked.”
“I have, my lady.”
He didn’t know the name she was given at birth or the name of her family, all priestesses gave up both when they left home and pledged themselves to serve in the temple. As Vesta had her Vestals, the eternal virgins who tended her sacred flame day and night, so did Fortūna with her Fortunate Ones. They were forbidden from marrying, couldn’t bear children, they could do nothing that took away from their duty to the goddess. In return they answered to no one, not their fathers or brothers, not a general like him, not even an emperor could command one of Fortūna’s priestesses. As one beholden to the whims of not one, but two emperors, he considered that privilege a very fortunate one indeed.
She moved to a table already set with a jug of wine and goblets, pouring the sweet gift of Bacchus into two of them. Marcus accepted the drink when she held it out to him, waiting until she murmured a brief incantation of thanks before he lifted it to his lips. The wine was honeyed on his tongue, the words he spoke next were not.
“Caracalla and Geta have declared war.”
One of her arched brows lifted even more, though there was no surprise in her voice. “Again?”
What was spoken in the temples was sacrosanct, meant only for the gods. But that didn’t stop mortal ears from listening, and in Rome information was as much a trade good as salt or silks. He wouldn’t speak freely in any temple of Mars, or Jupiter, and trust that it wouldn’t be repeated halfway across the city within the hour. Here though, Marcus was in the one place where he didn’t have to guard his tongue so carefully and the words flowed like the wine.
“It’s not enough. It will never be enough. They have designs on India, Persia, more cities to be brought to heel no matter the cost. I am to lead the army on another campaign while the blood spilled during the last one has barely dried.”
“For the glory of Rome?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
“For the glory of Rome,” he echoed, in a hollow voice. Glory bought with death and destruction, children orphaned and wives made widows so that the most glorious empire the world had ever seen could sink greedy, grasping fingers into another bit of stained earth and take it for its own. The wine soured into vinegar in his mouth and he set the goblet aside, finished with the pretense of the hospitality required by their ranks.
The High Priestess followed suit, facing him with her small hands folded in front of her. ”Why have you come here tonight?” she asked quietly. “Do you want me to tell your fortune? Assure you of another grand victory?”
Her eyes were fathomless pools in the flickering candlelight, skin turned golden as if Fortūna herself was now speaking directly to him through her chosen vessel. Perhaps she was. He answered them both.
“I seek Fortūna’s blessing, to ensure victory for the glory of Rome and a safe return home for me and my men.”
Please, let them come home. No more dead soldiers for Charon to ferry into the afterlife, please, Lady Fortūna, spin your wheel and bring them back alive.
Her expression didn’t change as she considered his request. “You ask much of the goddess, General Acacius. Not one gift, but three…and if you had to choose just one turn of the wheel? Which would it be?”
Marcus felt his shoulders slump under his cloak. He knew the answer he should give, the one expected from the commander of the empire’s grand army. He knew the answer he wouldn’t give, as selfishly as he wanted to. If he could beg only a single boon from the hands of fate herself, then there was only one answer.
“I ask for the safe return of my men.”
If he could even call most of them men. He’d thought himself a man at fourteen, old enough to fight and fornicate alongside the other soldiers on the battlefields and in the brothels. Poorly, in both respects, far more lucky than skillful back then. Now, he looked at so many under his command and saw that they were still children, barely grown and yet considered old enough to die for the greed of those who had anything and still thirsted for more.
He met the High Priestess’s shadowed gaze and said it again, so that the goddess lurking behind her eyes would have no doubt.
“My only request of she who spins the wheel of fate is to watch over my men and guide them back home.”
“And what will you give in return?” they asked. Both the priestess, and the goddess.
One did not ask favours from the gods without offering something in return. When he’d knelt in his full armor before the towering statue of Mars he’d brought magnificent gifts for the God of War. A pair of newly forged blades with gilded hilts thickly studded with jewels. Quivers full of arrows fletched with the feathers of exotic birds. A bull in its prime to be slaughtered in Mars’s name, worth the cost of half a dozen slaves. He had presented the gifts and asked the god for victory in a booming voice that all who crammed into the temple to watch could hear, soldiers, senators, and ordinary citizens who came to see the spectacle for themselves.
He had anticipated this, and he had a gift for the goddess too. Something that had cost him no coin, and yet was the most valuable thing he could offer.
“Me.”
It came out as barely more than a whisper, far from the near battle cry he’d given Mars when laying the blades on his altar. To the God of War he brought an army of a crowd to worship him, to the Goddess of Fate he gave over himself with no audience save one.
“I pledge myself only to her, for the rest of my life.”
He spoke softly and yet the words seemed to echo against the stone walls, repeating over and over again. Or maybe that was only in his own mind. It was as solemn a vow as he’d ever made, and an unbreakable one. The gods were greedy, avaricious, and didn’t let go of what was theirs.
“General, are you-“
“Will you accept, Fortunate One, on her behalf?” he interrupted before she could finish the inevitable question. Are you sure? He was. This time when she reached out and touched his face he turned his head and placed a rough kiss on the inside of her palm, his eyes closing as she began to speak.
“General Acacius,” she intoned, “you shall join the blessed of Fortūna tonight. May you bask in her light and find shade in her shadow, always. Reveal yourself, and receive her blessing.”
He reached blindly for the clasp on his cloak and let it fall to the floor with a thump, leaving him in the simple tunic he’d worn underneath. That would ordinarily be all that was required but it wasn’t enough, not tonight. Not for either of them.
The tunic quickly followed the cloak, he pulled it over his head and tossed it aside too. The room was warm enough that he felt no chill as he stripped everything off until he was as bare as a newborn babe. He had worn no jewellery, no adornments, had not applied any cosmetics to his face or body. Standing completely nude, he offered himself exactly as he was to the goddess and her priestess. His arms hung loosely at his sides and he made no attempt to conceal anything with his hands, though they twitched a little against his thighs. Still in her rich finery, the High Priestess began to make a slow circle around him while assessing his offering like he would inspect his centurions. He stood in place like a good soldier, eyes straight ahead, hearing a faint rustle from behind him that made his hands clench into fists and other parts of him twitch in anticipation. When she appeared again on his other side she had shed her outer robe and was clad in nothing but the sheerest of drapes that clung to her body like the seafoam clung to Venus when she arose from the waves and gave glimpses of the rosy tips of her breasts and the dusky triangle of hair between her thighs through the filmy material.
He couldn’t stop the blood from rushing straight to his groin at the sight, thickening his flesh with the vigour of a far younger man. Like the one he’d been the night of the festival all those years ago, when wine flowed like the Tiber and out of all of those who’d come to honour Fortūna and her new High Priestess, she had chosen him. Fate and luck had both been on his side then, to the envy of his fellow soldiers when he was pulled from the crowd by the Fortunate Ones to join their mistress in a much more private celebration. While the revels continued on without them outside the temple they had worshipped together amid the sheets until the break of dawn.
On this night she chose another vessel next to the wine from the table and spoke an incantation over it before removing the stopper. It was filled with oil, slick and fragrant when she dipped in her fingers and began to anoint him with it. Her thumbs pressed first to his chest, drawing lines and symbols on his skin that marked him as the goddess’s own. He stood as still as the statue by the altar while she carefully worked the oil into his shoulders, his arms, her touch delicate and gentle yet sure and true. She went down his stomach next, still muscular but perhaps a little less firm then it had been the first night he was invited into her bed. First, but far from the last. It flexed under her touch and he couldn’t stop his smile and slight noise of mirth when she found the sensitive spot to the left of his navel. His amusement was mirrored on her face, as her serene expression melted and she failed to stop her own girlish giggle.
“You always were touched by the humours there,” she smiled, poking him again.
“Only when touched by you, my lady.”
He was no stranger to taking lovers, Roman noblewomen, concubines, foreigners with whom he shared a pleasant night while quartered with the army in distant lands and never saw again afterwards. Yet he always found himself returning to her over and over, after other affairs and dalliances were over and long forgotten.
Her eyes met his at the admission, small hands still pressed to his skin. The anointing was finished, her duty as Fortūna’s chosen one to mark him for her was done. As High Priestess she could choose to dismiss him now and he would leave without protest, ever the obedient soldier.
As his lover she chose to draw the tips of her nails across his stomach and he inhaled sharply, the urge to laugh again at the sensation mixing with the far stronger urge to tear the drape from her body and have her right there on the floor. It wouldn’t be the first time for that, either. His face must have shown his thoughts, or maybe it was the way his cock was twitching at the prospect because she took a step back. Not in fear or trepidation, merely to put the stopper back in the oil. It had left a gleaming trail on his skin, burnishing it like armor polished to a high shine. Even when it faded away the other gods and goddesses would be able to see the claim laid on him, and he swore he could almost feel unseen hands tracing possessively along the lines. Though there was no breeze in the stone chamber, the candles all suddenly flickered as one.
Fortūna making her presence felt while she spun her wheel.
Light melted into shadow and silk whispered against skin when she beckoned him to follow her to the waiting bed. Her soft hands wandered over his chest again, this time in a different ritual while he grasped her by her shapely hips and stroked his thumbs along the curve of them. The silk whispered even more when he pulled it off completely and left her as bare as he was. She stood in front of him unabashedly nude, just as she had that night as the newly crowned High Priestess with a young soldier still a bit clumsy and unsure with a woman. He was neither of those things now, slipping a hand behind her neck and tilting her head back to kiss her. It was far sweeter than the wine to press his lips to hers, feel them part under his mouth as his chest met her breasts and his hard cock pressed hot to her belly. A low groan rumbled through him at the contact and he lifted her from under her thighs with her arms around his neck, climbing onto the bed and settling her down against the sheets. Marcus greedily drank in his fill at the glorious sight underneath him, her skin was as fine as a noblewoman’s and unmarked by scars like the ones scattered over him like cities on a map. Lutetia. Londinium.
She reached up and touched one on his shoulder that hadn’t been there the last time, tracing over the marred bit of flesh with gentle fingers.
Numidia.
He pushed that memory aside in favour of making a much more pleasurable one, stroking along the curve of her waist so that the shadowed dip of her navel was framed perfectly between his thumbs. Then he went down to the gentle rise of Venus’s mound and lower still to the curls that concealed her most intimate place. The skin there was even more delicate, and already as slick under his exploring fingers as the oil. His blood flared hot and he urged her legs apart, spreading her thighs to fully reveal her sweet cunt to his gaze. His cock throbbed at the sight of it, as pink as the rose petals that had lined the city streets in his honour and damp with the dew of her arousal.
“Marcus,” she whimpered, when he teased against her entrance with the tip of his finger. Not General or Acacius, he could be Marcus here, with her, in the sanctuary of her bed.
“Patience, sweetling,” he urged, wishing not for the first time that he knew her actual name. It belonged to Fortūna but this was all his, the graceful arch of her back and the gasp that escaped her lips when he slipped his finger in to the second knuckle and added another to press along the velvety inner walls. He wasn’t going to rush the ceremony of this, preparing his lover for his cock and he took his time until he finally knelt before her and pumped a hand along his shaft to whet himself to full readiness. Anticipation shone in her eyes, looking up at him, and thrummed hot under his skin as he positioned himself and began to push in. He may not know her name, but his body knew hers and hers knew his, taking his full length in a hot slide with only the barest resistance. Marcus rested his forehead on hers for a moment with his eyes closed, sheathed to the hilt in her warm depths while her hands wandered up his arms and her fingers buried in the hair at the nape of his neck. It was only the experience of his years that kept him from spilling immediately like an overeager youth, gritting his teeth and fighting that baser urge to merely take his pleasure with no regard for hers. A low curse fell from his lips as he held himself still, he was still a common soldier at heart and he swore like one. Far from being scandalized at his coarseness, he felt her clench deliciously around him while her legs wrapped tighter around his waist
“Move…please!” she urged in a breathy plea.
Like any good soldier he followed the order, drawing his hips back until he was almost completely withdrawn from her slick heat and then plunging back in. Her breasts bounced with the movement, while a cry tore from her throat as her head fell back to the pillow and put the long column of her throat on display. He did it again, and again, and again, drawing more of those intoxicating sounds with each drive of his hips. She clutched at his shoulders as tightly as she was clutching him from the inside and he’d wear the marks from her nails more proudly than his armor while leaving the echo of himself behind as his thrusts grew harder, faster, deeper. He sucked his own livid brand into her neck, uncaring what the other priestesses would think of it in the morning. It bloomed dark on her skin and he was proud of his handiwork, while he still held back from finding that final satisfaction, desperate to make what could be their final coupling last as long as possible. Fate had led him here, and fate would take him away again, the gods were petty and cruel.
Their lips met again when he buried himself to the root and didn’t withdraw, sharing each other’s breath as he held fast against the waves of pleasure that crashed through him like sea meeting shore and tried to pull him under. It wasn’t enough, not tonight. He needed more. With battle-hardened strength he reared up and brought her with him, lifting her with an arm under her back as she let out a startled squeak. The one who told fortunes hadn’t seen that coming, and he grinned in smug satisfaction.
“Domina mea,” he grunted. My lady, my lady. Mine! “So beautiful, to watch you take your pleasure on my cock like this. Want…want to make you drip with me.”
He was still inside her, and the flex of his hips had her head falling back as her body arched into a perfect bow and his name was shouted for all the gods and goddesses to hear.
“Marcus….Marcus….don’t stop!”
Her breasts thrust as high and proud into the air and he couldn’t resist ducking his head to capture a pebbled nipple in his mouth, as hard as a pearl and even more precious. It made her gasp again, fingers digging into his hair to hold him close and her fine skin flushed all over and bearing his marks. His own hands moved to the flare of her hips, working her up and down his cock to meet his thrusts. Each plunge into her silken heat was almost enough to undo him completely, she took him so deep. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer and he reached between them to brush his thumb against that swollen bud just above where they were joined while holding her flush to his groin. The effect was immediate, her whole body shook as she tried to both pull away and get closer at the same time. Her hips pressed closer to his while her head tipped back and her thick curls finally tumbled free of the pins holding them up to spill down like a waterfall. He held on as long as he could, until the unrelenting siege of her cunt squeezing and rippling along his cock finally forced his surrender. This was a battle he was happy to lose and he emptied himself in hot pulses with a deep groan against her sweat-slicked neck until there was nothing left to give. Part of him preened with smug satisfaction, while the rest was ready to collapse.
His lover looked down at him with hazy eyes like fog on the distant horizon. Instead of a poised and regal Fortunate One she looked more like a debauched follower of Bacchus now, lips swollen from his kisses, her skin flushed and his release still warm between her thighs. Marcus knew he probably looked the same, he could feel his hair sticking to his forehead, the sting where her nails had dug into his back and the taste of wine and woman in his throat to carry him through the days to come. A gift, and not one from the gods. From the woman whose name he could never know, and would never see again.
They fell back to the rumpled bed in a heap of tangled limbs, still joined in the most intimate of ways. It didn’t last, nothing ever did, and soon he softened and slipped out. He needed to get up, find his discarded clothes and leave while it was still dark so he could return to the palace before his absence was noticed. He belonged at the head of Rome’s army leading the way to another victory, his place in her bed had only ever been, fleeting, temporary, and fanciful wishes that it could ever be more were just that. Dreams that would never be.
Gentle fingers brushed the hair back from his brow and trailed along his cheek while a soft voice whispered in the dark.
“Sleep, Marcus Acacius. Sleep.”
He knew he shouldn’t, but his eyes were already closed and he could feel Somnus, the God of Sleep, tugging at the edges of his mind and pulling him under. It was too strong to resist, or he was too weak to give up the comfort of her touch just yet, and he drifted off into the netherworld to the feel of his lover stroking his hair.
************
The stone floor was cold and rough under her bare feet, there were no plush rugs here in the small room to cushion them like the ones in her own chamber. The whole room was empty and unadorned save for a niche carved in one wall, and what it contained made it the most sacred in the entire temple. She knelt down in front of it, dressed not in her own rich satin robes but in one of the thin linen stolas worn by the youngest and newest priestesses.
“I have given you everything my lady. Everything. My service….my name….my devotion. My life.”
The little figurine was nothing like the grand statue that presided over the temple’s public altar for worship and admiration. It was much older, passed down over the years from High Priestess to High Priestess and was said to have been given by Fortūna herself to her first worshipper, the very first Fortunate One. It was chipped in places, the features were smudged and indistinct as finer details had been lost to time. Still, it was more precious than any jewel and was hers to guard and keep until the day came that she too would pass it down and bestow the mantle of High Priestess to another.
“Please, hear me and grant what I ask.”
Marcus was still in her bed, locked deep in slumber. Once she was certain he was fast asleep she’d carefully maneuvered out from under the arm draped possessively over her waist and slipped from his embrace. He mumbled something she couldn’t decipher and buried his face back into the bedclothes, never waking fully. It was so tempting, to stay wrapped in his arms for the small amount of time the goddess had granted them. The Fortunate Ones were not forbidden from taking lovers, it was even expected for the priestesses to choose a bedmate during the festivals from among those who flocked to the temple in celebration and share their good fortune for the night in the most intimate of ways. But that was all it could be, they were bound by their vows to serve the goddess above all others and none more than her as the most fortunate of them all.
“Bring him back to me.”
One did not need the gift of second sight to see what was coming. The two emperors might rule as one, but they had already made twice the declarations of war as their father did and as the leader of the army, Marcus was the one to carry them out. It was inevitable that he would have to leave again so soon after his triumphant return, only this time…..
This time….
“Spare him.”
It came out as a sob, begging on her knees to the one who could alter the course of fate. When Marcus had first pressed the little gem into her hand with a shy smile his fortune had been bright and shining, she knew then and there that the young soldier in front of her with the dark curls hanging on his forehead was bound for greatness. That foreknowledge was her blessing from Fortūna, and her curse. To look at a radiant new bride and see her dead in childbed within a year, to know which of the children who ran and played outside the temple would be taken by illness before their lives even truly began….to watch soldiers leave who would never return.
She couldn’t read Marcus’s fortune at all anymore, and that scared her more than anything.
As High Priestess she was not meant to interfere or intercede directly with the turn of fate. Perhaps it was the goddess’s way of ensuring that she couldn’t warn him, or maybe Fortūna was being kind, sparing her the knowledge of what lay ahead.
His very first offering was clutched tight in her palm. The blue gemstone wasn’t the largest, or most valuable jewel given to her in the goddess’s stead. Those decorated the bracelets and the earrings and the necklaces she wore in public and to receive those who came to beg for favours from fate, displaying the wealth of Fortūna’s temple to show how worshipped and adored she was that she was showered with rubies, diamonds, amethysts, gems from across the whole empire and beyond. It was all Fortūna’s, none of it was hers, and yet she’d always kept the little sapphire to herself.
Marcus wouldn’t ask on his own behalf, so she would do it for him. He was far less selfish than she was.
She set the gem down carefully in front of the figurine, whispering more prayers and pleas. There was no response from the goddess, no omen or vision, good or bad. There was only silence, and the ghost of his touch on her skin.
When she returned to her private chamber Marcus was still asleep, sprawled across the sheets with his thick, greying curls in complete disarray and his face looking younger in the light from the small oil lamp she carried. Without the weight of his station creasing his forehead with worry and pulling his lips into a frown he could almost be that young soldier again, the one with the glorious fortune that awaited him. She’d thought of him as her gift that night, bestowed by the goddess to her new high priestess in celebration. There were other men she could have chosen to share her bed, more suited to her new station. Men who were more polished, more practiced, who could recite Greek poetry from memory and held illustrious positions at court or in the senate. Marcus wasn’t poetic, but he was so eager, practically ripping off his clothes in his haste with a boyish grin and nearly tripping over them when he reached out with those large hands to touch her. He was both wonderfully rough and surprisingly gentle in turns, using his powerful body instead of pretty words like the soldier he was.
When she discarded her stola and slipped back into bed he found her in his sleep, his body curving around hers. Broader now, than it had been, and not cut quite so sharply around his stomach as it was in his youth. Still eager though, his passion never waning with time. She’d known he’d come to her tonight, had dressed and prepared for him.
Marcus Acacius was still her gift, and she wasn’t going to give him up.
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Charles Spurgeon's "Morning & Evening" Devotional for December 10
Morning
“Brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord.”
Philemon
This has been called “the polite epistle,” for Paul used great courtesy and tact in writing it. Onesimus, a slave, had robbed his master Philemon, and had then run away from him. Hoping to conceal himself best in the metropolis, Onesimus had fled to Rome, where he heard Paul preach and became converted. The apostle sent him back to his Christian master with the following letter of apology. Although its first object was only to restore a runaway slave to his master, it is a weighty letter, and every syllable has substance in it.
Philemon 1:4-6
Paul knew Philemon was a true believer, and therefore prayed that others might feel the power of his piety, by seeing how he acted in the present case.
Philemon 1:9
This is the best of pleading. Philemon’s heart would be sure to yield to it.
Philemon 1:12
who is so dear to me that he carries my heart with him wherever he goes.
Philemon 1:13 , Philemon 1:14
Though he felt sure that Philemon would have been glad to spare his servant to care for his aged friend, yet Paul would not take the liberty of using his services, but gave Philemon the opportunity to do it of his own accord if he thought fit.
Philemon 1:16
Providence suffered him to run away that he might come under Paul’s influence and become a Christian: the gracious purpose of God overrules evil for good.
Philemon 1:17-19
partner or true comrade in Christ
Philemon 1:21
Is not this a graceful way of putting it? Who could have the heart to resist such pleading? Yet every word is gentle and quiet. Mild language is mighty.
Our Father in heaven, we hallow thy name,
O’er earth may thy kingdom establish its claim!
Oh, give to us daily our portion of bread;
It is from thy bounty that all must be fed.
Forgive our transgressions, and teach us to know
The humble compassion that pardons each foe;
Keep us from temptation, from weakness, and sin,
And thine be the glory for ever. Amen.
Evening
“Unto the Son He saith, Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever.”
Hebrews 1
We have now reached that wonderful part of Holy Scripture which is found in the epistle to the Hebrews. Fully to understand it we ought to study closely the Book of Leviticus. Diamonds only will cut diamonds; the Word of God is its own expositor; the New Testament is the key of the old.
The epistle opens with the declaration that whatsoever was communicated by the prophets was spoken by God. He spoke whatsoever was uttered by his prophets. The Scriptures are very jealous on this subject; how different from the language of many who seem desirous to exclude God from being the author of his own word!
Hebrews 1:1 , Hebrews 1:2
Ours is the clearest of all revelations. In Jesus we see far more of God than in all the teachings of the prophets.
Hebrews 1:3
The priest stood while he performed service, and only sat down when his work was done. Jesus enthroned in glory enjoys the honours of his finished work.
Hebrews 1:5
But he does say this to Christ in the second Psalm.
Hebrews 1:5
And again speaking to Solomon as the type of Christ in the Second Book of Samuel 12:14
Hebrews 1:6
Or “worship him all ye gods,” Jesus is by nature infinitely superior to the noblest created beings, for he is essentially God, and to be worshipped as Lord of all.
Hebrews 1:7 , Hebrews 1:9
And of the angels in Psalms 104:4
Hebrews 1:7 , Hebrews 1:9
Psalms 45:6, Psalms 45:7
Hebrews 1:7 , Hebrews 1:9
Angels are servants and not kings, they fly upon the divine errands like flames of fire, but they do not sway a sceptre, neither have they a throne existing for ever and ever. Jesus is the anointed king, and though we share in the anointing yet is he far above us. Christ is infinitely greater than Christians. We are right glad to have it so.
Hebrews 1:10-12
again we read in Psalms 102:25-27
Hebrews 1:10-12
Since the Messiah is thus described as immutable and eternal he must be divine, and to deny the Godhead of the Saviour is a deadly error. Dr. Owen most comfortingly remarks: ”Whatever our changes may be, inward or outward, yet Christ changing not, our eternal condition is secured, and relief provided against all present troubles and miseries. The immutability and eternity of Christ are the spring of our consolation and security in every condition. Such is the frailty of the nature of man, and such the perishing condition of all created things, that none can ever obtain the least stable consolation but what ariseth from an interest in the omnipotency, sovereignty, and eternity of Jesus Christ.”
Hebrews 1:13 , Hebrews 1:14
They are servants of God and our willing guardians; but they are not to be worshipped. Jesus is Lord of all, and we are bound to adore him, and him only.
Copyright Statement This resource was produced before 1923 and therefore is considered in the "Public Domain".
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18th November >> Mass Readings (Except USA)
Saturday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time
or
Dedication of the Basilicas of Saints Peter and Paul, Apostles
or
Saturday memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Saturday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time
(Liturgical Colour: Green: A (1))
First Reading Wisdom 18:14-16,19:6-9 The Red Sea became an unimpeded way.
When peaceful silence lay over all, and night had run the half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all-powerful Word; into the heart of a doomed land the stern warrior leapt. Carrying your unambiguous command like a sharp sword, he stood, and filled the universe with death; he touched the sky, yet trod the earth.
For, to keep your children from all harm, the whole creation, obedient to your commands, was once more, and newly, fashioned in its nature. Overshadowing the camp there was the cloud, where water had been, dry land was seen to rise, the Red Sea became an unimpeded way, the tempestuous flood a green plain; sheltered by your hand, the whole nation passed across, gazing at these amazing miracles. They were like horses at pasture, they skipped like lambs, singing your praises, Lord, their deliverer.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 104(105):2-3,36-37,42-43
R/ Remember the wonders the Lord has done. or R/ Alleluia!
O sing to him, sing his praise; tell all his wonderful works! Be proud of his holy name, let the hearts that seek the Lord rejoice.
R/ Remember the wonders the Lord has done. or R/ Alleluia!
He struck all the first-born in their land, the finest flower of their sons. He led out Israel with silver and gold. In his tribes were none who fell behind.
R/ Remember the wonders the Lord has done. or R/ Alleluia!
For he remembered his holy word, which he gave to Abraham his servant. So he brought out his people with joy, his chosen ones with shouts of rejoicing.
R/ Remember the wonders the Lord has done. or R/ Alleluia!
Gospel Acclamation James 1:21
Alleluia, alleluia! Accept and submit to the word which has been planted in you and can save your souls. Alleluia!
Or: cf. 2 Thessalonians 2:14
Alleluia, alleluia! Through the Good News God called us to share the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. Alleluia!
Gospel Luke 18:1-8 The parable of the unjust judge.
Jesus told his disciples a parable about the need to pray continually and never lose heart. ‘There was a judge in a certain town’ he said ‘who had neither fear of God nor respect for man. In the same town there was a widow who kept on coming to him and saying, “I want justice from you against my enemy!” For a long time he refused, but at last he said to himself, “Maybe I have neither fear of God nor respect for man, but since she keeps pestering me I must give this widow her just rights, or she will persist in coming and worry me to death.”’
And the Lord said ‘You notice what the unjust judge has to say? Now will not God see justice done to his chosen who cry to him day and night even when he delays to help them? I promise you, he will see justice done to them, and done speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find any faith on earth?’
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
----------------------------
Dedication of the Basilicas of Saints Peter and Paul, Apostles
(Liturgical Colour: White: A (1))
(There is no choice between ferial and memorial readings today, because all readings are proper to the memorial)
First Reading Acts of the Apostles 28:11-16,30-31 So we came to Rome.
At the end of three months we set sail in a ship that had wintered in the island; she came from Alexandria and her figurehead was the Twins. We put in at Syracuse and spent three days there; from there we followed the coast up to Rhegium. After one day there a south wind sprang up and on the second day we made Puteoli, where we found some brothers and were much rewarded by staying a week with them. And so we came to Rome.
When the brothers there heard of our arrival they came to meet us, as far as the Forum of Appius and the Three Taverns. When Paul saw them he thanked God and took courage. On our arrival in Rome Paul was allowed to stay in lodgings of his own with the soldier who guarded him.
Paul spent the whole of the two years in his own rented lodging. He welcomed all who came to visit him, proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching the truth about the Lord Jesus Christ with complete freedom and without hindrance from anyone.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 97(98):1-6
R/ The Lord has shown his salvation to the nations.
Sing a new song to the Lord for he has worked wonders. His right hand and his holy arm have brought salvation.
R/ The Lord has shown his salvation to the nations.
The Lord has made known his salvation; has shown his justice to the nations. He has remembered his truth and love for the house of Israel.
R/ The Lord has shown his salvation to the nations.
All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God. Shout to the Lord, all the earth, ring out your joy.
R/ The Lord has shown his salvation to the nations.
Sing psalms to the Lord with the harp with the sound of music. With trumpets and the sound of the horn acclaim the King, the Lord.
R/ The Lord has shown his salvation to the nations.
Gospel Acclamation cf. Te Deum
Alleluia, alleluia! We praise you, O God, we acknowledge you to be the Lord. The glorious company of the apostles praise you, O Lord. Alleluia!
Gospel Matthew 14:22-33 Jesus walks on the water.
Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side while he would send the crowds away. After sending the crowds away he went up into the hills by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, while the boat, by now far out on the lake, was battling with a heavy sea, for there was a head-wind. In the fourth watch of the night he went towards them, walking on the lake, and when the disciples saw him walking on the lake they were terrified. ‘It is a ghost’ they said, and cried out in fear. But at once Jesus called out to them, saying, ‘Courage! It is I! Do not be afraid.’ It was Peter who answered. ‘Lord,’ he said ‘if it is you, tell me to come to you across the water.’ ‘Come’ said Jesus. Then Peter got out of the boat and started walking towards Jesus across the water, but as soon as he felt the force of the wind, he took fright and began to sink. ‘Lord! Save me!’ he cried. Jesus put out his hand at once and held him. ‘Man of little faith,’ he said ‘why did you doubt?’ And as they got into the boat the wind dropped. The men in the boat bowed down before him and said, ‘Truly, you are the Son of God.’
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
-------------------------
Saturday memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary
(Liturgical Colour: White: A (1))
(Readings for the memorial)
(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Saturday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)
Either:
First Reading Genesis 3:9-15,20 The mother of all those who live.
After Adam had eaten of the tree the Lord God called to him. ‘Where are you?’ he asked. ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden;’ he replied ‘I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.’ ‘Who told you that you were naked?’ he asked ‘Have you been eating of the tree I forbade you to eat?’ The man replied, ‘It was the woman you put with me; she gave me the fruit, and I ate it.’ Then the Lord God asked the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’ The woman replied, ‘The serpent tempted me and I ate.’ Then the Lord God said to the serpent, ‘Because you have done this,
‘Be accursed beyond all cattle, all wild beasts. You shall crawl on your belly and eat dust every day of your life. I will make you enemies of each other: you and the woman, your offspring and her offspring. It will crush your head and you will strike its heel.’
The man named his wife ‘Eve’ because she was the mother of all those who live.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
OR: --------
First reading Genesis 12:1-7 All the tribes of the earth shall bless themselves by you
The Lord said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your family and your father’s house, for the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name so famous that it will be used as a blessing.
‘I will bless those who bless you: I will curse those who slight you. All the tribes of the earth shall bless themselves by you.’
So Abram went as the Lord told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. Abram took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had amassed and the people they had acquired in Haran. They set off for the land of Canaan, and arrived there. Abram passed through the land as far as Shechem’s holy place, the Oak of Moreh. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. The Lord appeared to Abram and said, ‘It is to your descendants that I will give this land.’ So Abram built there an altar for the Lord who had appeared to him.
OR: --------
First reading 2 Samuel 7:1-5,8-11,16 The Lord will make you great; the Lord will make you a House
Once David had settled into his house and the Lord had given him rest from all the enemies surrounding him, the king said to the prophet Nathan, ‘Look, I am living in a house of cedar while the ark of God dwells in a tent.’ Nathan said to the king, ‘Go and do all that is in your mind, for the Lord is with you.’ But that very night the word of the Lord came to Nathan: ‘Go and tell my servant David, “Thus the Lord speaks: Are you the man to build me a house to dwell in? I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, to be leader of my people Israel; I have been with you on all your expeditions; I have cut off all your enemies before you. I will give you fame as great as the fame of the greatest on earth. I will provide a place for my people Israel; I will plant them there and they shall dwell in that place and never be disturbed again; nor shall the wicked continue to oppress them as they did, in the days when I appointed judges over my people Israel; I will give them rest from all their enemies. The Lord will make you great; the Lord will make you a House. Your House and your sovereignty will always stand secure before me and your throne be established for ever.”’
OR: --------
First reading 1 Chronicles 15:3-4,15-16,16:1-2 They brought in the ark of God and put it inside the tent that David had pitched for it
David gathered all Israel together to bring the ark of God up to the place he had prepared for it. David called together the sons of Aaron and the sons of Levi. And the Levites carried the ark of God with the shafts on their shoulders, as Moses had ordered in accordance with the word of the Lord. David then told the heads of the Levites to assign duties for their kinsmen as cantors, with their various instruments of music, harps and lyres and cymbals, to play joyful tunes. They brought the ark of God in and put it inside the tent that David had pitched for it; and they offered holocausts before God, and communion sacrifices. And when David had finished offering holocausts and communion sacrifices, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord.
OR: --------
First reading Proverbs 8:22-31 Before the earth came into being, Wisdom was born
The Wisdom of God cries aloud:
The Lord created me when his purpose first unfolded, before the oldest of his works. From everlasting I was firmly set, from the beginning, before earth came into being. The deep was not, when I was born, there were no springs to gush with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills, I came to birth; before he made the earth, the countryside, or the first grains of the world’s dust. When he fixed the heavens firm, I was there, when he drew a ring on the surface of the deep, when he thickened the clouds above, when he fixed fast the springs of the deep, when he assigned the sea its boundaries – and the waters will not invade the shore – when he laid down the foundations of the earth, I was by his side, a master craftsman, delighting him day after day, ever at play in his presence, at play everywhere in his world, delighting to be with the sons of men.
OR: --------
First reading Ecclesiasticus 24:1-4,8-12,18-21 From eternity, in the beginning, God created wisdom
Wisdom speaks her own praises, in the midst of her people she glories in herself. She opens her mouth in the assembly of the Most High, she glories in herself in the presence of the Mighty One: ‘I came forth from the mouth of the Most High, and I covered the earth like a mist. I had my tent in the heights, and my throne in a pillar of cloud. Then the creator of all things instructed me, and he who created me fixed a place for my tent. He said, “Pitch your tent in Jacob, make Israel your inheritance.” From eternity, in the beginning, he created me, and for eternity I shall remain. I ministered before him in the holy tabernacle, and thus was I established on Zion. In the beloved city he has given me rest, and in Jerusalem I wield my authority. I have taken root in a privileged people, in the Lord’s property, in his inheritance. Approach me, you who desire me, and take your fill of my fruits, for memories of me are sweeter than honey, inheriting me is sweeter than the honeycomb. They who eat me will hunger for more, they who drink me will thirst for more. Whoever listens to me will never have to blush, whoever acts as I dictate will never sin.’
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 7:10-14,8:10 The maiden is with child
The Lord spoke to Ahaz and said, ‘Ask the Lord your God for a sign for yourself coming either from the depths of Sheol or from the heights above.’ ‘No,’ Ahaz answered ‘I will not put the Lord to the test.’ Then Isaiah said:
‘Listen now, House of David: are you not satisfied with trying the patience of men without trying the patience of my God, too? The Lord himself, therefore, will give you a sign. It is this: the maiden is with child and will soon give birth to a son whom she will call Immanuel, a name which means “God-is-with-us.”’
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 9:1-6 A Son is given to us
The people that walked in darkness has seen a great light; on those who live in a land of deep shadow a light has shone. You have made their gladness greater, you have made their joy increase; they rejoice in your presence as men rejoice at harvest time, as men are happy when they are dividing the spoils.
For the yoke that was weighing on him, the bar across his shoulders, the rod of his oppressor, these you break as on the day of Midian.
For all the footgear of battle, every cloak rolled in blood, is burnt, and consumed by fire.
For there is a child born for us, a son given to us and dominion is laid on his shoulders; and this is the name they give him: Wonder-Counsellor, Mighty-God, Eternal-Father, Prince-of-Peace.
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 61:9-11 I exult for joy in the Lord
Their race will be famous throughout the nations, their descendants throughout the peoples. All who see them will admit that they are a race whom the Lord has blessed.
‘I exult for joy in the Lord, my soul rejoices in my God, for he has clothed me in the garments of salvation, he has wrapped me in the cloak of integrity, like a bridegroom wearing his wreath, like a bride adorned in her jewels.
‘For as the earth makes fresh things grow, as a garden makes seeds spring up, so will the Lord make both integrity and praise spring up in the sight of the nations.’
OR: --------
First reading Micah 5:1-4 He will stand and feed his flock with the power of the Lord
The Lord says this:
But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, the least of the clans of Judah, out of you will be born for me the one who is to rule over Israel; his origin goes back to the distant past, to the days of old. The Lord is therefore going to abandon them till the time when she who is to give birth gives birth. Then the remnant of his brothers will come back to the sons of Israel. He will stand and feed his flock with the power of the Lord, with the majesty of the name of his God. They will live secure, for from then on he will extend his power to the ends of the land. He himself will be peace.
OR: --------
First reading Zechariah 2:14-17 'I am coming', says the Lord
Sing, rejoice, daughter of Zion; for I am coming to dwell in the middle of you – it is the Lord who speaks. Many nations will join the Lord, on that day; they will become his people. But he will remain among you, and you will know that the Lord of Hosts has sent me to you. But the Lord will hold Judah as his portion in the Holy Land, and again make Jerusalem his very own. Let all mankind be silent before the Lord! For he is awaking and is coming from his holy dwelling.
EITHER: --------
Responsorial Psalm 1 Samuel 2:1,4-8
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
My heart exults in the Lord. I find my strength in my God; my mouth laughs at my enemies as I rejoice in your saving help.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
The bows of the mighty are broken, but the weak are clothed with strength. Those with plenty must labour for bread, but the hungry need work no more. The childless wife has children now but the fruitful wife bears no more.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
It is the Lord who gives life and death, he brings men to the grave and back; it is the Lord who gives poverty and riches. He brings men low and raises them on high.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
He lifts up the lowly from the dust, from the dungheap he raises the poor to set him in the company of princes to give him a glorious throne. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, on them he has set the world.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Judith 13:18a-19
You are the highest honour of our race!
May you be blessed, my daughter, by God Most High, beyond all women on earth; and may the Lord God be blessed, the Creator of heaven and earth.
You are the highest honour of our race!
The trust you have shown shall not pass from the memories of men, but shall ever remind them of the power of God.
You are the highest honour of our race!
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 44(45):11-12,14-17
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words: forget your own people and your father’s house. So will the king desire your beauty: He is your lord, pay homage to him.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
The daughter of the king is clothed with splendour, her robes embroidered with pearls set in gold. She is led to the king with her maiden companions.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
They are escorted amid gladness and joy; they pass within the palace of the king. Sons shall be yours in place of your fathers: you will make them princes over all the earth.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 112(113):1-7
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord! May the name of the Lord be blessed both now and for evermore!
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
From the rising of the sun to its setting praised be the name of the Lord! High above all nations is the Lord, above the heavens his glory.
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
Who is like the Lord, our God, who has risen on high to his throne yet stoops from the heights to look down, to look down upon heaven and earth? From the dust he lifts up the lowly, from the dungheap he raises the poor
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Luke 1:46-55
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
My soul glorifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God, my Saviour.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He looks on his servant in her nothingness; henceforth all ages will call me blessed. The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy his name!
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
His mercy is from age to age, on those who fear him. He puts forth his arm in strength and scatters the proud-hearted.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He casts the mighty from their thrones and raises the lowly. He fills the starving with good things, sends the rich away empty.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He protects Israel, his servant, remembering his mercy, the mercy promised to our fathers, to Abraham and his sons for ever.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
Gospel Acclamation cf.Lk1:28
Alleluia, alleluia! Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee! Blessed art thou among women. Alleluia!
Or: cf.Lk1:45
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled. Alleluia!
Or: cf.Lk2:19
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who treasured the word of God and pondered it in her heart. Alleluia!
Or: Lk11:28
Alleluia, alleluia! Happy are those who hear the word of God and keep it. Alleluia!
Or:
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed are you, holy Virgin Mary, and most worthy of all praise, for the sun of justice, Christ our God, was born of you. Alleluia!
Or:
Alleluia, alleluia! Happy is the Virgin Mary, who, without dying, won the palm of martyrdom beneath the cross of the Lord. Alleluia!
EITHER: --------
Gospel Matthew 1:1-16,18-23 The ancestry and conception of Jesus Christ
A genealogy of Jesus Christ, son of David, son of Abraham:
Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, Judah was the father of Perez and Zerah, Tamar being their mother, Perez was the father of Hezron, Hezron the father of Ram, Ram was the father of Amminadab, Amminadab the father of Nahshon, Nahshon the father of Salmon, Salmon was the father of Boaz, Rahab being his mother, Boaz was the father of Obed, Ruth being his mother, Obed was the father of Jesse; and Jesse was the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife, Solomon was the father of Rehoboam, Rehoboam the father of Abijah, Abijah the father of Asa, Asa was the father of Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat the father of Joram, Joram the father of Azariah, Azariah was the father of Jotham, Jotham the father of Ahaz, Ahaz the father of Hezekiah, Hezekiah was the father of Manasseh, Manasseh the father of Amon, Amon the father of Josiah; and Josiah was the father of Jechoniah and his brothers. Then the deportation to Babylon took place.
After the deportation to Babylon: Jechoniah was the father of Shealtiel, Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel, Zerubbabel was the father of Abiud, Abiud the father of Eliakim, Eliakim the father of Azor, Azor was the father of Zadok, Zadok the father of Achim, Achim the father of Eliud, Eliud was the father of Eleazar, Eleazar the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob; and Jacob was the father of Joseph the husband of Mary; of her was born Jesus who is called Christ.
This is how Jesus Christ came to be born. His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph; but before they came to live together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph; being a man of honour and wanting to spare her publicity, decided to divorce her informally. He had made up his mind to do this when the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because she has conceived what is in her by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you must name him Jesus, because he is the one who is to save his people from their sins.’ Now all this took place to fulfil the words spoken by the Lord through the prophet:
The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and they will call him Emmanuel,
a name which means ‘God-is-with-us.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 1:18-23 How Jesus Christ came to be born
This is how Jesus Christ came to be born. His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph; but before they came to live together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph; being a man of honour and wanting to spare her publicity, decided to divorce her informally. He had made up his mind to do this when the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because she has conceived what is in her by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you must name him Jesus, because he is the one who is to save his people from their sins.’ Now all this took place to fulfil the words spoken by the Lord through the prophet:
The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and they will call him Emmanuel,
a name which means ‘God-is-with-us.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 2:13-15,19-23 The flight into Egypt and the return to Nazareth
After the wise men had left, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother with you, and escape into Egypt, and stay there until I tell you, because Herod intends to search for the child and do away with him.’ So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, left that night for Egypt, where he stayed until Herod was dead. This was to fulfil what the Lord had spoken through the prophet:
I called my son out of Egypt.
After Herod’s death, the angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother with you and go back to the land of Israel, for those who wanted to kill the child are dead.’ So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, went back to the land of Israel. But when he learnt that Archelaus had succeeded his father Herod as ruler of Judaea he was afraid to go there, and being warned in a dream he left for the region of Galilee. There he settled in a town called Nazareth. In this way the words spoken through the prophets were to be fulfilled:
‘He will be called a Nazarene.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 12:46-50 My mother and my brothers are anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven
Jesus was speaking to the crowds when his mother and his brothers appeared; they were standing outside and were anxious to have a word with him. But to the man who told him this Jesus replied, ‘Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand towards his disciples he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven, he is my brother and sister and mother.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 1:26-38 'I am the handmaid of the Lord'
The angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the House of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary. He went in and said to her, ‘Rejoice, so highly favoured! The Lord is with you.’ She was deeply disturbed by these words and asked herself what this greeting could mean, but the angel said to her, ‘Mary, do not be afraid; you have won God’s favour. Listen! You are to conceive and bear a son, and you must name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David; he will rule over the House of Jacob for ever and his reign will have no end.’ Mary said to the angel, ‘But how can this come about, since I am a virgin?’ ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you’ the angel answered ‘and the power of the Most High will cover you with its shadow. And so the child will be holy and will be called Son of God. Know this too: your kinswoman Elizabeth has, in her old age, herself conceived a son, and she whom people called barren is now in her sixth month, for nothing is impossible to God.’ ‘I am the handmaid of the Lord,’ said Mary ‘let what you have said be done to me.’ And the angel left her.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 1:39-47 Blessed is she who believed the promise
Mary set out and went as quickly as she could to a town in the hill country of Judah. She went into Zechariah’s house and greeted Elizabeth. Now as soon as Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leapt in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. She gave a loud cry and said, ‘Of all women you are the most blessed, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Why should I be honoured with a visit from the mother of my Lord? For the moment your greeting reached my ears, the child in my womb leapt for joy. Yes, blessed is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.’ And Mary said:
‘My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit exults in God my saviour.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:1-14 'In the town of David a saviour has been born to you'
Caesar Augustus issued a decree for a census of the whole world to be taken. This census – the first – took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria, and everyone went to his own town to be registered. So Joseph set out from the town of Nazareth in Galilee and travelled up to Judaea, to the town of David called Bethlehem, since he was of David’s House and line, in order to be registered together with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to a son, her first born. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them at the inn. In the countryside close by there were shepherds who lived in the fields and took it in turns to watch their flocks during the night. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone round them. They were terrified, but the angel said, ‘Do not be afraid. Listen, I bring you news of great joy, a joy to be shared by the whole people. Today in the town of David a saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. And here is a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly with the angel there was a great throng of the heavenly host, praising God and singing:
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace to men who enjoy his favour.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:15-19 The shepherds hurried to Bethlehem and found the baby lying in the manger
Now when the angels had gone from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let us go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.’ So they hurried away and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. When they saw the child they repeated what they had been told about him, and everyone who heard it was astonished at what the shepherds had to say. As for Mary, she treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:27-35 'A sword will pierce your soul too'
Prompted by the Spirit Simeon came to the Temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the Law required, he took him into his arms and blessed God; and he said:
‘Now, Master, you can let your servant go in peace, just as you promised; because my eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the pagans and the glory of your people Israel.’
As the child’s father and mother stood there wondering at the things that were being said about him, Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, ‘You see this child: he is destined for the fall and for the rising of many in Israel, destined to be a sign that is rejected – and a sword will pierce your own soul too – so that the secret thoughts of many may be laid bare.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:41-52 Mary stored up all these things in her heart
Every year the parents of Jesus used to go to Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up for the feast as usual. When they were on their way home after the feast, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem without his parents knowing it. They assumed he was with the caravan, and it was only after a day’s journey that they went to look for him among their relations and acquaintances. When they failed to find him they went back to Jerusalem looking for him everywhere. Three days later, they found him in the Temple, sitting among the doctors, listening to them, and asking them questions; and all those who heard him were astounded at his intelligence and his replies. They were overcome when they saw him, and his mother said to him, ‘My child, why have, you done this to us? See how worried your father and I have been, looking for you.’ ‘Why were you looking for me?’ he replied. ‘Did you not know that I must be busy with my Father’s affairs?’ But they did not understand what he meant. He then went down with them and came to Nazareth and lived under their authority. His mother stored up all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom, in stature, and in favour with God and men.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 11:27-28 'Happy the womb that bore you and the breasts you sucked!'
As Jesus was speaking, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said, ‘Happy the womb that bore you and the breasts you sucked!’ But he replied, ‘Still happier those who hear the word of God and keep it!’
OR: --------
Gospel John 2:1-11 'My hour has not come yet' - 'Do whatever he tells you'
There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee. The mother of Jesus was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited. When they ran out of wine, since the wine provided for the wedding was all finished, the mother of Jesus said to him, ‘They have no wine.’ Jesus said ‘Woman, why turn to me? My hour has not come yet.’ His mother said to the servants, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’ There were six stone water jars standing there, meant for the ablutions that are customary among the Jews: each could hold twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ‘Fill the jars with water’, and they filled them to the brim. ‘Draw some out now’ he told them ‘and take it to the steward.’ They did this; the steward tasted the water, and it had turned into wine. Having no idea where it came from – only the servants who had drawn the water knew – the steward called the bridegroom and said, ‘People generally serve the best wine first, and keep the cheaper sort till the guests have had plenty to drink; but you have kept the best wine till now.’ This was the first of the signs given by Jesus: it was given at Cana in Galilee. He let his glory be seen, and his disciples believed in him.
Or:
Gospel John 19:25-27 'Woman, this is your son'.
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. Seeing his mother and the disciple he loved standing near her, Jesus said to his mother, ‘Woman, this is your son.’ Then to the disciple he said, ‘This is your mother.’ And from that moment the disciple made a place for her in his home.
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
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“There are many who say: ‘O that we might see some good! Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord’” (Ps 4:6)
The light of God’s face shines in all its beauty on the countenance of Jesus Christ, “the image of the invisible God” (Cor 1:15), the “reflection of God’s glory” (Heb 1:3), “full of grace and truth” (Jn 1:14). Christ is “the way, and the truth, and the life” (Jn 14:6). Consequently the decisive answer to every one of man’s questions, his religious and moral questions in particular, is given by Jesus Christ, or rather is Jesus Christ himself.
As Pope St. John Paul II spoke so clearly about in Veritatis Splendor, to win the battle for souls, the Church must bring the light of the Face of Christ to our darkened world. Although the existence of a miraculous veil of the Face of Jesus existed from the earliest centuries of Christianity, about the time this miraculous veil first appeared in Rome, in the Middle Ages, the name “Veronica” referred to the veil itself–“Veronica” meaning “vera” or true, and “icon” meaning image, or even more precisely, “to be present.” Those who gazed upon the veil bearing the true Face of Jesus stood in God’s presence. They were turned toward His Face. The veil of the Face of Christ has a particular importance for us today. Pope St. John Paul II wrote this beautiful meditation on St. Veronica in 2000, the same year in which he dedicated the millennium to the Face of Christ:
“Veronica does not appear in the Gospels. Her name is not mentioned, even though the names of other women who accompanied Jesus do appear. It is possible, therefore, that the name refers more to what the woman did. In fact, according to tradition, on the road to Calvary a woman pushed her way through the soldiers escorting Jesus and with a veil wiped thesweat and blood from the Lord’s face. That face remained imprinted on the veil, a faithful reflection, a “true icon”. This would be the reason for the name Veronica. If this is so, the name which evokes the memory of what this woman did carries with it the deepest truth about her…The Redeemer of the world presents Veronica with an authentic image of his face. The veil upon which the face of Christ remains imprinted becomes a message for us.
In a certain sense it says: This is how every act of goodness, every gesture of true love toward’s one’s neighbor, strengthens the likeness of the Redeemer of the world in the one who acts that way. Acts of love do not pass away. Every act of goodness, of understanding, of service leaves on people’s hearts an indelible imprint and makes us ever more like the One who ’emptied himself, taking the form of a servant’ (Phil 2:7). This is what shapes our identity and gives us our true name.”
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[DETAILED OTHER IKEVAMP OC BIO]
Basics:
Name: Cleopatra VII Philopator
Name meaning: Cleopatra - glory of her father, Philopator = father-loving
Nicknames: Cleo
Gender: Female
Pronouns: she/her
Birthday: January 4th
Age: ???
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn♑
Species: lesser vampire
Sexuality: bisexual
Appearance:
Skin: tanned
Hair color: purple
Hair length: reaches to her waist
Eye color: turquoise
Height: 169 cm/5'5
Weight: 55 kg/121 lbs
Body type: Mesomorph
Outfit: black tight jumpsuit, blue crop top revealing shoulders, blue long skirt stopping at her ankles, brown sandals
Accessories: golden diamond-shaped earrings, golden chain necklace, golden pearl hair accessory
Personality:
Normal mood: seems serious at first, but don't let that fool you! Once she warms up to you, she becomes sweet and playful, sometimes even a little flirty!
Temper: rarely loses her temper. Can't get mad if you don't let others provoke you!
Strengths:
- great leader
- great strategist
- very flexible
Weaknesses:
- sometimes, she falls back into her habits from the time when she was a Queen, and it usually leaves her feeling sentimental
Family & Relationships:
Father: Ptolemy XII Auletes
Mother: Cleopatra V
Brothers: Ptolemy XII Theos Philopator, Ptolemy XIV Philopator
Sisters: Cleopatra, Cleopatra VI, Berenice IV, Arsinoe IV
Enemies: her enemies used to be anyone who tried to take over Egypt
Rivals: nobody nowadays
Love interest: Vlad
Marital status: undecided
Pets: a female jackal named Anu
Children: undecided
Pass-Time:
Hobbies: Dancing, writing about ancient egyptian history, philosophy and religion
Occupation: Queen of Egypt (former), exotic dancer
Backstory:
[TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH, SUICIDE]
Cleopatra was born in Alexandria, Ancient Egypt's capital at the time. Though she grew up a life of luxury, that was crushed when her father died. Because her father wanted Cleopatra to take the throne, but her brother tried to take it from her. So she negotiated with the one man who could make sure she stays as Egypt's Queen - Caesar. It was the first time the young queen seduced a man in order to stay in royal position. Though they never married, she did have her first child with him. At some point, he even brought Cleopatra and their son to Rome for some time, but they fled back to Egypt when Caesar was murdered. He was thought to be the only person who would protect Cleopatra, as most people who knew about her called her the "royal slut".
After he died, two Romans worked together to rule the Roman Empire, and one of them, Mark Antony, was trying to take over Egypt - through negotiations, at first. He called Cleopatra to him several times, but she never even once attended. Instead, she made him come to Alexandria, in which royal palace he was welcomed by a fest, where Cleopatra cosplayed as Isis, an Egyptian Goddess. She seduced yet another man, getting him to be her metaphorical slave. She carried twins for him. And she slowly fell in deep love with him.
But the other one was very displeased, so he made Mark marry the other man's sister. This shattered Cleopatra's heart, and led her to try and get him to divorce her. After this, a war between the Roman Empire and Egypt broke out. Through one of Cleopatra's great strategies, they technically won, but the Romans spread false information to shatter their last bit of honor and dignity.
Cleopatra was shattered. Nothing seemed to save her dignity, and she was unable to protect her kingdom as a free nation. So she planned on committing suicide, using the venom of a cobra. When Mark heard about his beloved's plans, he stabbed himself to death.
When Cleopatra was about to let the cobra bite her, she spoke: "Tell the Romans this - they may have won, and they may use whatever they want to take control of Egypt… However, they will never, ever get control of the proud last Queen of Egypt."
But… She regretted her decision. Things went dark, and she began to doubt herself. She heard her heart screaming 'I want to live my life!'. Just when her heart let her hear its voice, a man came, and talked to her. He offered her 'a taste of eternity'. She had no idea who or what he was, but she agreed to it.
That was when she got turned into a vampire. When she first entered the mansion, everything was so new and perplexing to her that she felt completely lost. She needed a lot of guidance, but she managed to find something to do with her extended life. Using her beauty and body to make people happy. Dancing.
Though she is happy to live the life she has now, she swore to herself to never fall in love again… But will that didn't last, as she met soon Vlad in the town...
Fun Fact:
She has an unhealthy relationship with coffee
She loves oranges
Though Cleo is a dancer, I (the creator) haven't designed her dance outfits yet
The whole thing with marriage and children remains undecided because 1) as Vlad's route is coming, I'll wait to see if it fits 2) I'm not sure if I want them to have children. I have trouble imagining Vlad as a father.
Extra images:
1) Cleo in sort of a "gown" for parties. Idk if I could use that outfit for her dancing performances too
2) Cleo licking off the blood on her fingers. From who? Nobody knowsss.
Picrew.me version!
#ikemen series#ikemen vampire#ikemen oc#oc x canon#romance#oc art#oc biography#oc intro#ikemen vampire vlad#ikevamp vlad#They'd be cute tho#Daddy Vlad?
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Vanitas no carte: A case study of the vanitas motif?
In this I want to examine how the vanitas motif is used in the manga “Vanitas no carte”. In other words: Is the main character just called Vanitas because it’s a cool name or is the manga embedded within a certain literary/artistic/cultural tradition? And is the connection to that tradition just the name of the main character (spoiler: it isn’t, at least in my option) or is the vanitas motif deeply interwoven within the narrative and its themes (spoiler: it is, at least in my option)?
Talking about spoilers: I have only read up to chapter 40, so this may be updated as I continue reading. On the other hand, there will be spoilers for the chapters up to chapter 40.
Note: I don’t know if something like this has been done before. If it has, I’m very sorry. This is actually my second step into the actual fandom and I’m lacking an overview. Also English is not my native language and it’s hard for me to articulate myself properly. I’m sorry if the topic of the vanitas motif within the manga has been discussed before and I’m sorry for any mistakes I make.
So what is vanitas as a motif?
“Vanitas” is latin for “vanity”. As a theme in literature it addresses the transience of all being.
These works of art associates with the vanitas motif show the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. Symbols of wealth and symbols of death are often arranged in a contrasting matter. Similar to “memento mori” (latin for “remember that you [have to] die”. Memento mori is a vanitas symbol itself and they are overlapping), it accentuates the inevitably of death. But instead of the death itself it emphasizes the vanity and transiency of the human life. Motifs connected to vanitas became especially popular during the baroque period due to religious and social upheavals and the experience of the Thirty Years' War (1618-1648) and several plague pandemics and the steady presence of destruction and death. On the other hand, social injustice rose due to the build of expensive castles by absolutist rulers.
The vanitas-motif not only criticizes the worldly glory and pleasure that is transient in nature. But vanitas also accentuated that the humans are powerlessly confronted with their own fate and have no control over their own life. This mindset originated in the traditional Christian belief that earthly pursuits and goods were believed to be transient and worthless. Furthermore, people would be expected to accept their fate that would be inflicted by God. While everything earthly would be eventually in vain, God would be eternal.
The paintings under the term “vanitas still lifes” are the most well-known incarnation of the vanitas motif, but it has been also incorporated as a motif not only in painting, but in poetry (for example in the works of the German baroque poet Andreas Gryphius. And I kid you not, he wrote an ode called “Vanitas! Vanitatum Vanitas!”) and other forms of literature. Within the vanitas motif developed a whole collection of symbols associated with it. These are also presented in this manga.
Vanitas symbols in Vanitas no Carte
Hourglass
The hourglass that takes form in Vanitas’ earring is a classical symbol of vanitas. The flowing sand symbolizes the passing of lifetime and mortality. A symbol of the passing of time and the eventual death is also expressed in the gearwheel ornaments on the “Book of Vanitas”.
Skull
The cover of the first volume shows Vanitas in front of a picture frame made of golden skulls. Skulls are symbols of vanitas and memento mori. They are reminder of death and human transience. One of the skulls on the cover is wearing with a crown, which alludes to the typical form of presentation of the vanitas motif, to juxtapose symbols of death and symbols of wealth and worldly power. This relates to the role of the vampire Queen Faustina, who is both in reign of the vampires but who also seemingly spreads death over them by spreading the curse as Naenia (a name also connected to death, as Naenia was a funeral deity in ancient Rome. The name Faustina on the other hand…is a whole new topic for another day and is most likely referring to Goethe’s Faust, a play that revolves around a scholar who makes a contract with the devil. Actually the act of vampires exposing their real name includes elements of/refers to the Faustian pact motif).
Book
The book itself also a symbol of vanitas and finds its place in the story in form of the…”Book of Vanitas”. Books (among measurement tools and the like) within the vanitas motif represent the emptiness and vanity of earthly knowledge and striving. Subsequently they symbolize the haughtiness that can arise out of thirst for knowledge. From this perspective this symbolism is also tied to Dr. Moreau, who horribly abused Vanitas and other children in experiments to gain scientific knowledge in order to become a vampire himself...and his eventual failure.
Knife
Another part of Vanitas as a character is also connected to the vanitas motif – his knife. The knife stands for the vulnerability of the human life and also functions as a death symbol. The knife is especially charged symbolically as Vanitas attacks Noé on the rooftop, declaring their cooperation has ended at this point. Vanitas is refusing to let another person in his life, refusing to trust someone else but himself. His attack towards Noé with his knife not only is an attempt to make Noé hate him, but also a symbolic “cut” of their ties. But the symbolism doesn’t end here, as Noé is the one who stops the knife with his hand. Showing that he will refuse their ties to be cut. Showing that he will stay at Vanitas side no matter what and that he accepts him and doesn’t want him to be alone. In a second situation where their relationship is on the verge of breaking is the conflict within the catacombs, as Noé refuses to agree with Vanitas idea of fighting back Laurent. Vanitas lashes out, severly insults Noé and tells him to leave, if he doesn’t agree. But Noé stays at his side (and still shows him that he doesn’t agree). One could conclude that Noé’s relationship with Vanitas has an element of transience in it by Vanitas coping mechanism of avoiding and leaving others in case of conflict. And Noé fights this transience of their relationship by offering Vanitas trust, acceptation and in the end stability. During their next conflict, where Noé spits out that he wants to drink Vanitas’ blood, Vanitas leaves. But this time it is Vanitas himself who initiates remediation, who fights his own transience when it comes to social relationships. He returns (which is unlikely to him, as Dante states), his care for Noé are stronger than his desire to be fleeting, not being able to be “caught” by anyone. And sees Noé waiting for him. Again, offering stability.
Mirror
The vanitas motif is not only imbedded in the accessory of Vanitas himself. It also finds its place in the design of Noé, more precisely in the small mirror attached to his tophat. In the context of the vanitas motif, mirrors symbolize vanity and the evanescence of earthly beauty. It also stands for pride and haughtiness, similar to the Greek myth of Narcissus. This actually contrasts Noé’s humble personality.
Flowers
Within the manga Paris is described as the “City of flowers”. While flowers can be also a symbol of love and even immortality, their blooming and withering can also be a symbol of death and fleetingness of beauty, especially in the context of baroque symbolism.
Musical instruments
Musical instruments are a sign of transiency as well, as the sound vanishes into nothing as soon as it is articulated. Music is seen as something unique and unrepeatable, and also as something that is transient in its nature. This becomes evident in Cloé’s character arc, as music is her way to manipulate the world formula. Her life is also highly influenced by the transience of her surroundings, while she herself is forced to remain static.
Carpe diem
Latin for “seize the day”. It’s the name of Jeanne’s weapon. “Carpe diem” is an idiom that was especially popular in the baroque era, but it dates back to the roman poet Horace. Along with “memento mori” and “vanitas”, it emphasized the fleetingness of all life. “Carpe diem” emphasizes the call to make use of the day and the time left and to act, despite the eventual transient nature of all afford. The own mortality should be remembered and therefore the day should be seized. This reflects the main characters Vanitas, Noé and Jeanne, who carry on and refuse to give up, despite the external and internal struggles they face.
The color blue
The color blue takes a significant role within the narratives (Vampire!Vanitas being born under the blue moon). While it is not traditionally connected with vanitas itself, the color blue, together with the color black (which are the two dominating colors within human!Vanitas’ character design), is connected to death and melancholy.
The role of the vanitas motif within the narrative
The vanitas motif is embedded both in the form and in the content of the narrative.
The vanitas motif is embedded within in form of the manga as it has an analytic plot structure. This means the story’s conclusion is already presented in the beginning and the rest of the story unfolds how the eventual conclusion happened. This is the case in “Vanitas no carte” as it presents the conclusion, that Vanitas dies in the end within the first chapter and we are actually reading Noé’s memoirs. Therefore it is a constant reminder, that Vanitas will die and nothing that will happen in the story will change that outcome. Everything that happens in the story appears basically unable to change the end. Every positive development is overshadowed by the fact that it is made clear by the narrative since the very beginning that there will be no happy ending for the main characters. This is especially notable in the scene on the rooftop in volume 3, where Noé declares, how he will stay on Vanitas’ side. This scene is followed by an overlying narration of Noé, who says that memories of the beginning awake memories of the end and expressing his regret. In this positive, powerful scene where Vanitas and Noé make up and the themes of human bonds, free will, acceptation of oneself and others and trust really shine…also embeds the eventual tragic end. The omnipresence of death and its fatality and the transience of life and the knowledge that nothing lasts is the essence vanitas motif and it is presented in the mere structure of the manga.
But its not only the structure where the vanitas motif is woven in, but also the story. This shows especially in the character Vampire!Vanitas and in the mere name itself. As Cloe’s case shows: Vampires are pretty much immortal, if not directly killed. On the other hand, it is the curse of Vampire!Vanitas that endangers vampires: Because it gives them back their mortality and the transience of their existence. A transience not brought by an outside force as in the church, that hunts the vampires – but transience within themselves and their very nature. Vampires fear becoming cursed as much as humans fear death – it can always happen, to everyone. It’s not fast, but slow, seemingly unstoppable “decay”. So it is fitting for someone called “Vanitas” to bring transience and the constant reminder of death and fear upon their whole species.
Another factor of the vanitas motif is the inevitable passing of time and the changes this brings – a theme that is deeply tied to several characters arcs, where death and loss and how to deal with both is a major theme (especially when it comes to Vanitas, Noé, Jeanne, but how they relate to each other thematically is worth an analysis itself and I would digress too much). This is especially notable in Cloé’s arc, who is the only vampire in her family and becomes more and more isolated and alienated from her family, who eventually forgets about her. Cloé’s wish to stop the passing of time (and the underlying wish to be happy with her family, to be accepted for what she is), to fight the transience or rather to fight the vanitas manifests in the time loop. The time is reset and tied into a loop – symbolizing not only her being stuck in the past, but also her refusal of a future, since a future meant nothing but being forgotten for her, who sees no other purpose in herself but to execute the will of her family that has long forgotten her.
The concept of vanitas also includes fatalism and the belief that humans don’t have control over their own lifes. This makes Lord Ruthven , who uses curses to bind other vampires to his will and eliminating their own (as he did/tried to do with Noé, Jeanne and Cloé) a fitting villain from a thematic viewpoint as he impersonates fatalism. Personal choices or free will don’t matter for him as he erases both. This makes him a foil for Vanitas and an antagonist not only in actions but in world view. To Vanitas the freedom of his will and the consciousness of his own choices are extremely important to him. He could never choose in the past and was more seen as tool used by his surroundings than as a person. This emphasis of choices opposes Vanitas to the traditionally fatalistic viewpoint of the vanitas-motif. Not only that, but he uses the Book of Vanitas to actually reverse the curse and fighting the transience of existence that has befallen the vampires.
So Vanitas fights Vampire!Vanitas not only as a person by preventing the curse from killing vampires – but simultaneously he fights the transience and the fatalism: He fights vanitas as a concept itself.
But the narrative doesn’t deem transience not as internally negative. Quite the opposite, the narrative sees transience as an opportunity for change. The change of fixed structures is also an important theme after all. This change of structures is of both negative (as the curse dissembles the true name of the vampire and therefore their entire nature and Jeanne’s struggle and agony with coming in terms with seeing herself changing) and positive qualities. In one of the early chapters Vanitas complains about how the vampires are stuck in the past and therefore refusing his help – it is not only after Vanitas proofs himself that he is at least tolerated. The message of the positive side of change is also within Vanitas’ and Noé’s improving relationship and understanding. Even though Vanitas has a hard time to accept these changes (as he didn’t tell Noé about the state of the Queen, because he thought he wouldn’t believe him and refers to the several past experiences of vampires almost killing him), the positive relationship of both of them even inspires changes in others. Notably Laurent. Who, inspired by seeing a human and a vampire in a positive relationship begins to question his own beliefs and is even on the road to uncover secrets of the church, breaking up entrenched structures as well.
As a conclusion one could say that the manga makes many, many allusions to the vanitas motif and incorporates them structurally, thematically and plot-wise.
Vanitas no Carte is really a case study of vanitas.
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notorious: reboot — chapter ten sovereign
If this crown is mine, why is it impossible to carry?
type: series, alternate universe detail: mob!tom word count: 8.5k warnings: mature language and themes, mature sexual content series masterlist music playlist by mood, curated just for notorious
They were fearless. Wide eyes staring back at you, dark uniforms made of crisp pressed suits. Every time one of them moved, the sound of heavy metal in their pockets echoed throughout the room. They were all packing, but tonight, they held nothing in their hands but silence.
When your eyes met theirs, they all moved at the same time. Blades held up against moonlight, they all pricked their fingers, letting crimson drip onto the palms of their hands, entangling their skin, covering them in an irony, metallic scent. It satisfied you, watching the blood sleep under their fingernails. They were men with blood on their hands, and they needed to remember where they came from.
From nothing. You come from nothing, and when all of this is over, you’ll resort back to nothing. We all will. I will.
You stepped in front of them, one by one, only briefly glancing down at their hands before producing a lighter and bringing flame to the pictures in their palms. Saints, religious figures, carefully handpicked by your father’s lackeys. St. Augustine, St. Matthew, St. Peter, figures that lived through history as sinners, then became sanctimonious figures of fidelity and undying faith. You watched as their pictures caught the lick of the flames, their faces burning away into ash into killers’ hands.
St. Augustine had mistresses, had strayed far from faith. St. Matthew stole from the poor, a part of an oppressive system that preyed on those with less. St. Peter had denied his own friend, watching him die. They were men with flaws, and yet they stood revered in their pictures, wearing gold and silk and crowns of glory. Those crowns disappeared as fire consumed them.
Perhaps soldiers want to think of themselves as saints. Men who do terrible things for something of the greater good. Men who sin, who kill, who kiss the devil but still live on in stories of goodness and courage.
“Tonight, you are born again,” you said lowly as you lit the final picture. You stepped back to look at them, watching as they all stared at the burning saints in their hands. Soft orange glows lit up their faces, and even as the fire nipped at their palms, they refused to let it show. Blood and paper rose into ash and smoke as they stood in front of you. “I ask nothing of you except for your loyalty. Not just to me, but to the men who stand beside you, and the men and women who will come to stand beside you. Betray them…betray me…” You made sure to meet all of their eyes, one by one, pausing to make your presence known, “and you will burn like the saints burn before you.”
Alabaster light was all that was left when the pictures had been reduced to nothing but embers. You watched as your father’s men crumpled the pictures in their palms, particles falling at their feet.
“You are not my soldiers,” you said finally. “My father might have had a different philosophy. That philosophy is not mine. You’re my brothers, and your pain is my pain. Your blood is my blood. If you burn…I burn.”
If you die, I die.
“Is it true then that your father was killed by your hand?”
You closed your eyes for a moment, shaking your head for a moment. You opened them again when you had gathered enough strength.
“I’ll be honest,” you took a seat on the bench beside you, looking out. You were staring at the wide expanse of your childhood home, the grass and gardens that stretched on for acres, the fountains that glittered in the distance, the large walls that surrounded the home behind you. Your father had built a fortress, and he had trapped you inside of it for as long as you could remember. “My father…was made of nothing. There was nothing…redeemable about him. He was weak-minded and a coward, and the only reason he was in charge for this long was not for his ability to lead but for his horrid ability to get others to do his bidding.”
You turned back to look at them. Your father’s men, who had spent too long under his thumb, staring off into the same distance you once were. They were thinking, remembering, and while the life you all led was not an easy one, they couldn’t help but see in the same light as you. Your father had been nothing but cruel, talking down to anyone that wasn’t himself. He was selfish, abusive, and he took advantage of anyone that worked closely with him. His men followed him because he paid them.
You realized they were not soldiers. They were mercenaries, a means to an end.
They meant nothing more to him than strings attached, strings he could cut off whenever he pleased.
“It was killed or be killed, gentlemen,” you said softly. “That’s the truth.”
You stood up slowly, and as you walked, they parted the way for you. They followed you inside the house, and they scattered, some getting back into their cars to go about their business, and others retreating to the offices around the house to start going through documents, like you asked. You took a deep breath as you stood in the living room, watching the fire crackle and spark in the fireplace, warming up the room with a soft light. You made your way towards the mantlepiece, looking at the pictures that scattered the surface.
They almost all were of you and your mother. You in her lap, smiling at each other, you running, smiling, screaming, a version of you that remained innocent and unbothered in a past that you had long forgotten. Before you had seen blood on the carpets, before you had known your father’s men held guns, before you knew that the cash hidden in every wall of the house wasn’t play money. Every picture that had you smiling was a picture before the mess of what your father’s business had done to you.
On the other side of the room were all the pictures of family. Distant uncles and cousins sitting around tables with your father, cigars and drinks and documents in sight. Pictures of Italy, of the Sicilian coast that your family still roamed around. You wondered what their reaction would be when they found out about what you had done. You wondered if they would come for you. Retaliation, revenge, punishment for being disobedient and not putting your head down as all the women had done before in your family. You wondered if they would forgive you if you had to fight back.
Because I will fight back. I will not cower for another man ever again. I won’t let another man hold anything over me ever again.
You picked up a picture of your father, sitting in the sand on a beach in Rome. You felt nothing as you threw it into the fire, watching as the flames ate up the wood and the glass, finally curling around the picture of him. Your brothers had burnt pictures of men they hoped to be, but you were not like them.
I will burn pictures of all the men I aspire not to be. I will burn pictures of men that deserve to be forgotten. I will burn pictures of them so that no one will know their names. I will burn pictures of them so that no one will remember them, so that no one will admire them, so that no one will swear their lives over them as an act of faith.
You picked up picture after picture of your father off the mantlepiece, your lips trembling as you ripped the pictures out of the frames, tossing them into the fire. Pictures of him sitting, dancing, laughing, smiling, you ripped all of them off of their resting places and kept tossing them into the flames.
Men who sin are not saints. They are ordinary.
You dropped to your knees as you ripped the last picture of him in your hands. You tore the picture right across him, his face split in half now, and you lifted the lighter from your pocket and lit both sides of the picture, watching as it curled in on itself in a quick blue and orange flame. You dropped it onto the floor, watching as it burned.
I will not bend to another ordinary man.
You closed your eyes as you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. His touch was familiar, his hand smoothing down your spine and around your waist until he pressed his chest to your back, holding you against him. You leaned your head back as his lips pressed against your neck, then up, a trail of butterfly kisses that traveled down your jaw and up again until he was breathing against your ear.
“I hate it here,” you whispered softly, and you didn’t realize you had been crying until his fingers swiped a few tears off your cheek. “I-I can’t stay here.”
You gasped a bit as his hand curled around your throat, holding you there. His thumb swiped against your bottom lip, and his touch was nothing except gentle, possessive. He kissed just behind your ear.
“Then I’ll take you away, love,” Tom murmured lowly, his voice like velvet. “I will take you away from here, and you never have to come back.”
“But the business, Tom, I can’t just—”
“Listen to me,” he interrupted you, and you let your head fall back onto his shoulder. The warmth of the fire was no match for the heat that traveled through you as his hand squeezed your throat, holding you closer to him. “You are not beneath anyone anymore. There is no one holding you back any longer. You are not a dog on a leash anymore, y/n. You are free, and you are sovereign in this house. What do you want?”
What do I want?
You licked your bottom lip, biting down on it hard. You could feel the rings along Tom’s fingers, searing cold against the heat of your skin. The scratch of gold, of diamonds, he was bringing a cloudiness to your head with just soft touches. He kissed under your ear again, and the cloudiness was gone. You opened your eyes, your vision blurry from the tears that continued to fall, and he let go of your throat. You sat down, between his legs, your back against his chest as you stared at the fireplace, watching it burn the pictures and frames you had thrown into it. Tom was sitting up against the couch, his arms around your middle as he held you.
“You’re what I want, Tom,” you said finally, your hand sliding over his, and he sighed deeply.
“You know that isn’t what I meant, y/n.”
“I know it’s not what you meant, but it’s the only answer you’re getting,” you whispered. You looked down at his hands, playing with the band over his left hand. A thick golden band, with your initials carved into it. If you moved the band, your initials would still be there. Tom had gotten them permanently inked onto his hand, letters so small they were hidden under the ring, but when you first saw them written there, there was nothing more to explain how you felt except for pure admiration and love. Tom was romantic and sentimental, something you had discovered not long after you had met him. Being his wife had opened the door for a romance and sentiment that you hadn’t prepared yourself for.
“y/n—”
“All I know is that I don’t want to be here,” you said softly. “This place, Tom…Los Angeles…this house…” You closed your eyes. “I hate it here.”
Tom moved your hair to the side, and you leaned your head away as he kissed your neck, a sigh leaving you as he swiped his tongue over your sweet spot, a gesture that had you relaxing even more against him. Tom had you completely, and there was no one else that could make you this weak with just a single touch.
“Then we’ll go,” Tom muttered. “We’ll leave, and we won’t come back.”
“Do you promise?”
“You don’t take orders from anyone but yourself now,” Tom said into your ear. “If you never want to come back to this wretched place, then don’t. Put someone else in charge, and go. Listen to your gut, my love. Sometimes…it can be the only voice that makes sense. But you need to listen to it, because it’s going to keep you alive. It’s going to keep you from losing yourself. So I’m going to ask you again. What do you want?”
Your eyes focused again on the fireplace. The pictures had all but disappeared, unrecognizable against the ashes of the wood along the bricks. You took a deep breath, turning your head finally, your eyes meeting his. Warm, crackling swirls of orange reflected in his dark eyes. Some of his curls had fallen out of their style, falling against his forehead, and his lips were pursed in a thin line, looking down at you.
“I want to go home,” you breathed, and Tom’s hand came up and caressed your cheek. He softened visibly, and you both closed your eyes as your foreheads touched. Leaning against each other, holding each other, listening to nothing but the crackle of low embers beside you. Tom was your comfort, your safe place.
Two sides of the same coin, one and the same, reflections of each other.
“Okay. Let’s go home, y/n.”
You nodded in response, silent for a few moments. Then, you reached into your jacket and pulled out an envelope, something that had been sitting there, waiting to be opened, a New York address scrawled on it. Tearing it open, knowing who it was from, you and Tom were both curious to see what was inside.
You stared down at the polaroid picture in your hands, smiling down at it. Mariposa was so beautiful, her curls twisted into box braids and her makeup still perfectly applied as always. She had a dark red lip and long lashes, and she wore her signature golden hoops in her ears. Harrison was beside her, smiling wide, his arm twisted around her tight, and they were holding a few pictures in their hands from Mariposa’s ultrasound. Their faces were close together as Harrison was the one taking the picture of them.
Mariposa’s scribbled handwriting was on the bottom of the polaroid picture, in black ink.
it’s a boy
Tom pulled you tighter against him as you both studied the picture. You had felt far away for a while now, distant, completed detached. Mariposa had been absent from your mind, you had been apart for some time now, but suddenly she was vivid and colorful in your head, her smile a thousand times brighter as you looked down at the picture.
I have to get away from here. Far away. I have to go, and I’m not coming back, not ever, not to this place. I’ll never let myself be this isolated ever again.
You didn’t even look back as Tom led you outside. Your heels crunched against gravel, and you had your hand in his, and you were making your way to his car. He shut the door behind you once you had your seatbelt on. Your eyes stayed ahead, and you didn’t even feel the need to look at the house again as Tom pulled out of the driveway. There were palm trees waving you goodbye as you left, and a cotton candy sunrise greeting you. You rolled down the window, taking a deep breath of the California air. Warm, crisp, and enveloping you entirely. Familiar, inviting, but it was deceitful.
This wasn’t home. It never was, and it never would be.
You weren’t sure what home was to you, not at first. Tom was prepared to go back to New York, but the thought of going back there so soon had you on edge. When you said you wanted to go home, Tom hadn’t thought of places, of your apartment on Park Avenue, he thought of Mariposa and the city that had brought you together. The blinding lights, the noise, the never-ending nights of good drinks and smiles that never ceased, Tom hadn’t thought of New York as your weakness but as your beginning.
Mariposa raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you tumbled onto the floor, flat on your back as you coughed. You rolled over a bit, holding your aching side, and Mariposa twirled the baton in her hand, pretending to blow on the end of it like it was smoking gun.
“Jesus,” Mariposa laughed. “Are you out of shape or something?”
“No,” you breathed, sitting up on your elbows, glaring up at her. Mariposa walked around you as she kept twirling the menacing black stick, her heels clicking as she paced. She hit you with it again, forcing you onto your knees.
“Get up. We’re going again.”
You stumbled back onto your feet. You were wearing boots, and she was wearing heels, but she was dominating you in them. She didn’t wobble once even six inches higher, and you put up your fists as she narrowed her eyes at you.
Mariposa came at you again with it, and you managed to duck, swinging your leg out to knock her off her feet. She fell onto her hands, dropping the baton, but as you came at her, she rolled and swung her foot back, kicking your knee in and dropping you. She managed to grab the baton and rolled over just in time to point it at you.
“Dead,” Mariposa called out, shaking her head as she stood up onto her feet. “You’re sloppy, y/n. Once that gun goes down, you never take your fucking eye off of it. You need to know where it is and be able to anticipate their next move. Your reflexes are slow.”
“Shut up,” you snapped, standing back up onto your feet. Mariposa rolled her eyes.
“You might be better than your father’s men, y/n, but you’re not better than me. So you can talk back to me when you can beat me,” she argued. She tossed the baton to the side and pulled her gun out from her waistband, holding it up to you. She nodded her head at you. “Your target has their weapon pointed at you. What do you do first?”
You racked your brain for the answer, and Mariposa narrowed her eyes at you.
“What’s going to keep you alive, y/n?” She prompted you. You nodded, swallowing.
“Get myself off the line of sight.”
“Good. So do it. Like we practiced.”
You put one hand on the gun and pushed to the side, the barrel of the gun pointing at the wall behind you. You hurried to use your other hand to strike her on the side of the head, but she brought her elbow back and managed to maneuver the gun back on you. You ducked and went for her stomach, and she finally dropped the gun. You kicked it out of her reach, but she wrapped her arms around your neck, forcing her elbows up to trap you in a chokehold. You coughed out a bit at the absurd amount of strength her petite body had on you, and you managed to scratch and claw at her, but she wasn’t budging.
“You’re being stupid again, y/n!” Mariposa muttered. “Damsels in distress scratch and bite. We’re not damsels. Use your fucking head!”
You cried out and threw your head back, knocking her in the forehead with the back of your head. You wrapped your leg around her own, ducking your head to roll before you knocked her over and onto her stomach, your knee digging into her back as you held your arm up to punch her. You panted as you waited there, your fist drawn up, and Mariposa held her hand out, tapping out as she struggled to breathe. You fell off of her, onto the ground, panting as you watched her recover. She sat up slowly, rolling her neck out.
“Better,” Mariposa breathed, and you scoffed.
“Better? I beat you!”
“You beat me once, and I’ve beat you twenty times over. I need you to beat me every time, y/n. Out there, we don’t get second chances. And out there, they’re worse.”
You could feel the bruises forming all over you, and so could she, but you both stood up, staring at each other as you stood a few feet apart.
“Again.”
Tom thought of Mariposa and you, hand in hand, laughing on top of piles of cash and never letting go of one another. He thought of the stories you used to tell, of the two of you wreaking havoc on the city and never apologizing. He thought of all of the things she had taught you and all the places she had taken you to. In some respects, Tom was jealous of her. Mariposa had you in a way Tom never could; she was selfless, a confidant with undying loyalty, so much trust in you that she risked her life again and again just to help you. She was flawed in that respect, but it was honorable, and Tom vowed to be that kind of selfless when it came to you.
Selfless enough to risk everything, selfless enough to see nothing but love, selfless enough that someone else could matter more than anything else in the world.
You were completely frozen. You were awake, present, but you couldn’t move. You were staring at your heels, pretty, expensive heels, but all you could focus on was their dark color. The color was bleeding, just like the warm liquid between your palms. Underneath the soles of your heels, you could see the bloody marks your father’s body had made as they dragged him away.
That was you. You had done that.
“Where is she?! Where is—fuck!”
You didn’t move when you heard his voice, shrill and angry. You just sat there, still staring blankly into nowhere. You didn’t even really hear his voice, still distracted by blood rushing in your ears, a sound that seemed to take over you completely.
“Get the fuck over here!”
You choked out a breath as he grabbed you by the neck, picking you up off your seat and slamming you into the wall, holding you there roughly.
“This is all your fault! It’s all your fucking fault!”
His blue eyes were bright and crazy, but you had no fight left in you. You dangled by your toes as he choked you against the wall, his strength too much for you. You were starting to turn a strange color as he forced you against the wall, his face contorted in a crazed sort of fury.
“You knew! You knew she’d do this for you, and you just had to have her do your dirty work, eh?!” Harrison cried, his thumbs digging into your jaw. “You’re a piece of shit! You’re a piece of shit, and I’m going to kill you!”
You tried to take breaths, but it was useless. You were starting to see nothing but haze, your vision blurry, but maybe you deserved this. Maybe it was meant to be this way, feel this way.
The yelling had interrupted Mariposa and Tom. Tom had been taking care of the cut on her forehead, holding a cloth to her head, but he could recognize Harrison’s voice from anywhere. He met Mariposa’s worried eyes for a second before he got up and bolted from the room.
When Tom saw his best friend’s hands on you, he went into a blind rage. He came up behind Harrison, wrapping his arm around his neck and pulling him off of you, holding him there in a chokehold. Tom didn’t even think twice before yanking him away from you, letting go of him and punching Harrison right across the face, his fist making contact with his cheekbone.
You fell onto the floor as soon as Harrison’s hands left you, falling onto your side and just lying there, coughing uncontrollably as you tried to catch your breath. You rolled onto your back, trying to blink your vision back to normal, but you were just in a daze there. Mariposa was the one to break up the fighting boys, getting herself between them.
“Stop! Stop, the both of you, stop!” She cried out. “Look at yourselves! Look at what you’re doing! Just stop for one fucking second!”
Mariposa had one hand on Tom’s chest and the other on Harrison’s, and when she was sure that they were both capable of keeping to themselves, she hurried to your side, picking your head up off the floor and laying it in her lap.
“What are you doing? Let her fucking choke,” Harrison snapped, and Tom stepped forward.
“Say one more fucking word, Haz, and I’m going to blow your fucking head off right here.”
“Oh, I bloody dare you, you bastard,” Harrison growled, and Mariposa groaned loudly.
“Harrison! Stop!” She breathed. “Just stop.”
Mariposa sniffled as she leaned down and kissed your forehead, rubbing your neck soothingly. There were deep bruises where Harrison had grabbed you, and she winced a bit as she noticed them getting darker and darker.
“I would’ve done it anyways,” Mariposa said softly. “You know that, Harrison. Don’t take your anger out on other people. It wasn’t her fault. I could’ve said no. But I didn’t, and I wouldn’t have. And you know what? We’re alive because of it.”
“You wouldn’t have had to do anything if she hadn’t gotten you into this shit!”
“Harri, I’ve been in it since I was a teenager! It would’ve happened either way!” She snapped. “You’re angry at me. Not at her. I can’t believe you…”
Mariposa motioned Tom over to pick you up, and Tom bent down to pick you up in his arms, your forehead against his chest as you finally breathed out gently.
“We’re not finished,” Tom grabbed onto Harrison’s jacket to growl in his ear, letting him go roughly as he carried you downstairs. Mariposa sat back onto the floor, letting out a deep breath as she leaned against the wall. She had tears in her eyes, and she looked up at Harrison. He was fuming visibly, angry down to his toes. His hands were curling and uncurling into fists, and his nose kept twitching.
“What’s wrong with you?” She sniffled, and Harrison scoffed.
“With me?!” He argued. “What the fuck are you talking about? Ri, you’re pregnant! You can’t be doing this shit! You can’t be taking risks right now! What if something happened to you?”
Mariposa shrugged, putting a hand to her stomach as she stared off at the stairs that Tom had carried you down from.
“It would’ve been worth it,” she said finally, and Harrison ran a rough hand through his hair, laughing bitterly.
“I can’t believe what I’m fucking hearing,” he breathed. “She can’t be more important than me, Ri. She can’t be more important than…our baby.”
Mariposa’s lip trembled a bit, “you don’t understand. You just don’t understand,” she shook her head.
“Then fucking help me! Help me understand how she could possibly be more important than us!”
“Because I love her!” Mariposa cried, putting a hand over her face. “I love her, Harri, and you can’t understand that!”
“Loving her is one thing—”
“No, Harri,” she whimpered, staring up at him as the tears came down her cheeks. “I…I love her.”
Harrison closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Mariposa pulled her knees to her chest, her face buried there as she started to cry. Harrison put a hand to the wall and slid down it, sitting down beside her on the floor, and he pursed his lips.
“Do you love her more than me?” He asked finally, just above a whisper. Mariposa looked up from her knees, her face wet and red with her tears, and she shook her head.
“No, of course not,” she whispered. “It’s not…I just…she has a hold on me, Harri. I can’t help it. She needs me, and then I…the risks don’t matter anymore.”
Harrison reached over and took her face into his hands.
“We’ve got…a wonderful thing coming, Ri,” he murmured, and Mariposa smiled a bit, her lashes fluttering as she looked up at him. “You’ve gotta choose.”
“I-I can’t—”
“One day,” Harrison interrupted her. “One day you’re going to have to choose between me and her. It has to be me, Ri. It just has to be.”
Mariposa said nothing for a long while, more tears wetting his palms until she finally nodded.
“Okay,” she said weakly. “It’s you, Harri. Always.”
She wished she could believe her own lies. She could never choose. Even if you never loved her back, she couldn’t help the feeling inside of her when you asked for her help. Mariposa had a weakness for you, and it would always be there.
Who didn’t have a soft spot for their first love?
Her thoughts ran from her when Harrison wrapped his arm around her, his other hand sliding down her side and resting on her stomach. Mariposa sniffled as he touched her there, his warmth making her feel all sorts of love and wonder. She had to realize that you would never love her the way he did. You would never love her so selflessly, so passionately, so naturally, not the way Harrison did.
Harrison was her forever. No matter how much she loved you, she had to make it so. This was survival, and there was only one man that was going to be beside her when the dust settled.
Mariposa had to put herself first, for once in her life. Mariposa had to choose herself.
But she knew, deep down, she never would. Mariposa would always choose everyone but herself. You, Harrison, maybe even Tom.
She would choose them first. Every single time.
The memories of that night came in flashes. You found yourself getting lost in them. Trying to sleep, closing your eyes, reminiscences coming to you again and again. They came in colors sometimes. The memories were red at times, and then colorless, and then vivid and bright as they haunted you.
You thought it would feel liberating. You thought that after your oppressor had been buried, you would feel relief. Maybe freedom. Even openness. You had thought about what it would feel like to not have weights attached to your ankles. Your whole life you felt like your father was pulling on you. You were lost at sea, and he wanted to drown you, weighing you down so only your fingertips could kiss the sunlight on the surface.
Your father didn’t love you. Even when you were pretending, even when you were lying, you tried to convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, your father would break at the end. You tried to convince yourself there was something inside of him that would see your face and think to himself that what he was doing to you was wrong.
But he didn’t even blink. Not even when he tried to kill me.
The thoughts kept you up, disguised as nightmares. You would wake up sweating sometimes. Crying, even screaming, trying to find solace in the mess your mind had become in the past weeks. You could only relax when Tom’s hand was there, crawling up your arm, wrapping around your middle, cocooning you in warmth and muffling your cries.
You relived the same moment again and again when you closed your eyes. The blood, the cries, the flicker of insanity that had come over you for a few moments, it was all vivid and surreal playing like a loop in your dreams. They were brutal, terrifying dreams that never allowed you to forget the most defining moment of your entire life. Your mother had made you something dangerous, and you supposed she got her dying wish. Your father had broken you down, enough to put you on your knees, but you were good at being broken down by men that didn’t understand. She had prepared you for that moment, and you supposed she knew enough to understand that you would know when it was your time. The moment had been too perfect. She must have known you would take the opportunity and run with it.
She taught me how to take a beating. She taught me how to wait. And now I’ve done exactly as she predicted. I was never my father’s pawn, I was always hers. She was better at disguising it for something meaningful.
You stared down at the palms of your hands. One was empty, holding nothing, and you could see the scratchiness and roughness of the skin there. The other hand was heavy, holding up the weight of the handgun, almost slipping because your palm was a bit clammy, sweaty, uneasy. It wasn’t long ago that they were stained completely red, heavy with something intangible.
How did it feel to have life in it? How did it feel to hold it so close? How did it feel when you suffocated it, and how did it feel when you crushed it between your killing fingers?
You wrapped your fingers around the handle of the gun, squeezing the heavy metal hard, trying to hold onto for stability. You closed your eyes, but all you could see was the replay of holding it above your head and bringing it down, over and over again.
Over and over again, not stopping until whatever you crushed was not just broken into pieces. You wanted it completed obliterated.
“y/n?”
Your head snapped up, and you were met with curious dark eyes. Tom knelt down in front of you, his head level with yours. He put a hand on your knee, his thumb rubbing across it soothingly.
“I asked you to show me,” he said, raising a brow. “Something wrong?”
You shook your head silently, standing up from the bench. You adjusted the gun in your hand, rolling your neck out before picking up the thin barrel, attaching it to the front of your pistol. You screwed the silencer onto it before holding it up. Tom watched, his arms crossed as he observed how you adjusted your aim. You took a deep breath and let it out, finally putting your finger on the trigger. You kept your arms straight as you fired the silent shots.
Bottle after bottle went down, shattering the glass as soon as the bullet hit it. You were yards away, the bottles in the far distance, but it didn’t make your shots any less accurate. You lowered the gun when all the bottles had shattered in their places. You flicked the safety of the gun back on, turning around to face Tom, who had a smug look on his face. You never failed to impress him, not once. He noticed the distant look in your eyes, and how you sauntered back to the bench to take a seat, looking out mindlessly at the expansive land of his English estate. You thought a better word for the place was castle, but Tom had simply pointed out that he didn’t wear a crown.
The air was cooler here. You felt like you could breathe, and there was seldom around you to alarm you. It wasn’t the armored vehicles or men around that made you feel safe, it was knowing you were in complete isolation in the countryside. You were far away from the crux of your nightmares, on another continent, across another ocean, and you could finally catch the breath you had been holding for so long.
You looked down when Tom took a seat beside you, his hand finding a place on your thigh, holding you there tightly. You watched him play with the straps of your thigh holster, his thumb swiping over it absentmindedly.
“You hit them all,” he said finally, chuckling lowly, and you pursed your lips, putting your hand over his on your thigh. Your wedding ring sparkled even in the cloudy daylight, and you could feel a chill in the wind. It was going to rain soon. It rained too much here, but you were growing to adore it.
“Are you really surprised?” You asked, and Tom smirked a bit, shaking his head in response.
“No, love. I knew you’d exceed my expectations.”
You smiled a bit, and he squeezed your hand, your fingers intertwining as you both scooted closer to each other. You stared off into the green hills of his backyard, taking a deep breath as you looked out at it. Your vision went blurry with how green it all was. Bright, neon, but still not enough to make you feel whole.
“What’s on your mind, y/n? You’ve got that look in your eyes again.”
“W-What look?”
“That one. The one you get all the time now,” he murmured, frowning a bit. “You’re thinking about New York again.”
You closed your eyes, painfully, sucking in a shaky breath. You let it out just as wearily, shaking your head as you laid your forehead against his shoulder.
“I can’t help it,” you said weakly, and Tom closed his own eyes, his thumb rubbing in small circles over your thigh. “I see it. Every time I close my fucking eyes, Tom. Every time I look at my…at my hands, I can’t stop seeing him all…a-all over me.”
There was a crack in your voice, and Tom pursed his lips, a deep sigh leaving him through his nose as he pondered what you said. You had had that look in your eyes so many times before these past few weeks. You would be sitting, even standing, looking off into nothing, and your eyes would get starry and hazy. You would always think too hard, too much, and Tom knew whatever it was, it was eating you up inside.
“You killed someone,” Tom muttered, shrugging his shoulders. “We’re…human, y/n. Killing people isn’t easy. If it was, then…fuck, then maybe we’d already have everything we wanted. Maybe we’d already run the bloody world.”
“That’s not it, I’ve killed people before—”
“Not the same, love,” Tom interrupted you. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands together. He clenched his jaw a bit, shaking his head. “You didn’t kill a stranger. You weren’t defending yourself. You made a choice. A conscious choice to kill a man that you’ve known since the day you were born.”
“I hated him.”
“Don’t do that, y/n,” he snapped, turning his head to look at you seriously. You winced at that, looking away from him. “Don’t fucking do that. I know what you’re trying to do, and you need to stop. Stop trying to make it seem like killing him didn’t do something to you. Because it did. And no matter how many times you say it out loud, you can’t tell me it didn’t change you. Something happened to you, and you refuse to acknowledge it, and until you do, it’s going to—” he poked your chest, right where your heart was, “eat you fucking alive, y/n.”
Your chin trembled a bit, and your eyes watered. You blinked the tears back, but your hands started to shake, and you put the gun down beside you, holding them together to try and stop them from shivering so bad.
“I…” Your tears came right back, and you tried and swallowed back the lump in your throat. “I don’t know what happened to me,” you whispered. “I…I lost it. I just…I just fucking lost it, Tom. I can barely remember anything. I was so…I was so angry. I was so upset with him. For you, for Mariposa, for my mother, for me…I was just so angry, and I just…I couldn’t stop. I was so mad, and I just…snapped.”
Tom thought for a moment, his eyes trained on his hands as he tried to remember that night. Watching you bring your father’s own gun down onto him over and over again had been a brutal sight. He remembered being frozen to his spot, in shock, disbelief, terror even. It was an entire room full of men, but it seemed as though you had forgotten they were there. When Tom finally snapped out of his trance, he realized just how lost you truly were, and he had to rip you off of him. It was gruesome to watch, agonizing to see the way your emotions had consumed you.
“You brought me back,” you breathed. “I-If it wasn’t for you, Tom, I—” Your voice broke, and Tom stood you up with him, hugging you tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your breathing getting heavier and raspier, and he put a hand over your head, holding you close to him. He shut his eyes as he felt your whole body rattle and shake, your hands clawing into his back for stability. You clung to him for support, and you didn’t let go.
I can’t let go. I’ll drown if I do.
Tom picked your head up, his hands cupping both of your cheeks. There was so much you loved about him trickling into one moment. The way he touched your face, the longing in his dark eyes that never ended, his handsome face pulled tight into concern over the woman in his arms. Tom Holland was nothing short of your lifeline, and you had been starved of one for so long. You needed him so much more than he needed you, and you were afraid to admit it. Not once had you ever depended on a man in your life, but thinking about a future without him made your heart want to fall right into your stomach. There was nothing but Tom Holland, no one to love but him, no one to protect but him, no one to live for except for him.
I will die for you, breathe for you, live for you. I’ve found you, you’ve found me, and I cannot be without you.
The rain was gentle at first. A pitter patter against your skin, and you thought it was your tears at first. Tom’s suit jacket began to dampen, and the air was heavy and cold, and soon your eyes were painted by the darkening clouds above your head. The rain was wetting your hair, wetting his, but neither of you moved as the rain kept falling.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you said finally, your lips damp with the wet weather. “They call me all the time, Tom. They say they need me. But…I have no idea how to do it. I don’t know how to…I don’t know how to be you.”
Tom leaned forward enough to lay his forehead against yours, and you sighed as the rain was falling around you, but here, right in front of you, was silence and love. You nudged your nose against his, and he smiled a bit.
“You’re not me, y/n. You’re you. You can’t be me,” he chuckled a bit. “You and I…we do this together. I’ll help you. We’ll have this whole fucking thing together. This is our world now, there’s nothing on this bloody earth that can keep us apart anymore. We have nothing to be afraid of. Everyone else…they should be afraid of us. We are…fuck, y/n, we’re unstoppable.”
“Unbreakable,” you breathed, and Tom nodded, his fingers going into your wet hair.
“Invincible,” he growled, and you swallowed his husky voice with a kiss, your hands going up and into his curls, tugging on them with fervor. The kiss grew warm and sloppy, not able to stop each other from deepening the embrace, and when he pulled away finally, you both laughed with delight. There was a lightness in your heart now that hadn’t been there before. Much of it was still dark, but there was enough light to cast shadows, and it made you feel like dancing. Tom was holding your head back in the rain, laughing with you, making you feel anything but empty. The sky was drowning you, but you could still breathe; Tom had a grip on you unlike anyone else, and nothing could sink you, nothing could pull you down, and you were alive.
“Let it go, y/n,” Tom whispered against your lips, and you let out a shaky breath against his own. “He doesn’t deserve your tears. He isn’t…he isn’t worthy of being on your mind.”
Tom was pulling on your hair, trying to look into your eyes, and you couldn’t help but smile at him. The crown you were wearing was so heavy, but you weren’t alone. You were a stumbling, weak mess, but Tom was here, Tom was looking at you, Tom was in love with you.
“I don’t want to think about him anymore,” you breathed. Tom’s kisses were like fire, giving you warmth as raindrops masked your tears. You shook your head, putting your hands over his, gripping onto him tight. “I don’t even want to think at all.”
Your wet hair stuck to your forehead as Tom pressed you against the wall of his bedroom. Your clothes were soaked, his shirt was stuck to his chest, but neither of you broke apart for even a moment as you kissed. Desperate kisses, warm kisses, intoxicating kisses that Tom was giving you that were making your head spin. If Tom didn’t want you to think, if he didn’t want you to remember anything but bliss, it was working. His hands were cold under the skin of your shirt, but it was setting you on fire as he tore your clothes off of you, piece by piece, backing you up until you dropped onto the bed.
You had been underneath Tom many times before now. You had made love on the leather seats of his car, in the dim light of the shower, against the wall in every bedroom you had slept in together. You and Tom had grown to know each other’s bodies like your very own, memorizing the dips and curves, the rough and smooth patches, the very spots that made each other speechless, breathless, immobile. You had kissed every part of each other, but somehow, right now, Tom was lighting you inside with something entirely new. There were stars in your eyes, but you didn’t feel like you were dying, no, you felt as alive as you had ever been.
His lips were velvet against your thighs, his curls were tickling your skin, but it did nothing to distract from the sensations of his tongue curling around every crevice that he knew too well. There was nothing rough or rushed about his head between your thighs, this was Tom telling you that he knew his wife, that he memorized the map of her body, and he was showing off his skills like he had never had before.
Two fingers rubbing against your sweet spot, his tongue making obscene noises against your sensitive bud, and you were chanting out his name like a prayer you had known forever. And then it was his hands, tight, calloused, rough, intertwining with your own as he forced you to look at him, dark eyes looking down at you with so much fervor. Tom knew you, Tom loved you, and Tom would make you feel like this forever. You had to know that he would make you feel like this forever.
His breaths were heavy. Skin against skin, you moved together, and when he finally let go of your hands, you wrapped them around his neck, cradling his head to yours. His own wrapped around you, the other hand trailing down to grip your hip tight as you both sung moans into each other’s mouths, clawing at hot skin to try and hold on for as long as possible.
His eyes were so dark. Pooling with depth, a black color that only love could bring, and your entire body ached with need for him, in any way you could have him. When he finally kissed you again, you molded yourself against him, wanting not even air to come between you. When you opened your eyes again, there were stars in his eyes, and you had put them there yourself, handpicked stars that told a story between loss and love, anger and passion, hate and need.
You closed your eyes again as he settled beside you. Both of you were panting, sweating, messes of each other as you tried to breathe. You turned to look at him finally, and he still had his eyes closed. His wet curls were in a heap on his head, and his cheeks were red, his jaw relaxed as he basked in the bliss you always seemed to put him in. You reached over carefully, cupping one side of his face, and the sparkling ring on your finger was cold against his warm face.
“What a distraction,” you whispered, and the comment made you both laugh a bit, breathless, and he finally opened his eyes again and looked at you. He softened as your fingers traced his features, running down the side of his face and along his jaw, over his lips and around his mouth. You moved closer to one another, tucking yourself into his side, and Tom peppered kisses along your fingertips as you touched over his smooth skin.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Tom murmured, watching the uneasiness in your eyes lighten a bit. “This whole bloody thing…it’s ours.”
You felt his hand go into your hair, tangle between the strands. He pressed your forehead to his, and he was whispering against your skin, saying something that mattered, but Tom was making you feel heaven in every breath and delight in every kiss. You could do nothing but feel completely, utterly, blissfully at ease.
He will make me a new crown, one that I can hold with ease. He will guide me onto a new path, so I can find my own way, and he will hold my hand in the dark.
Tom wasn’t letting you go. Not for anyone, not for anything, and not until he was dead.
Tom was not your saint. Tom was not revered, not innocent. Tom was a sinner, and he wore a crown of blood. You were not Tom’s saving grace. You were not blameless, not harmless. You came from nothing, and one day, the devil would come knocking. His kisses would taste just as saccharine as Tom’s kisses, you knew that much.
Men who sin are ordinary. They live in cages that they build for themselves, they live in the dark. I’m a sinner, too. What does that make me?
“I want it all, Tommy,” you whispered, your eyes bright. Your words were sinister, dark, deadly, but it did nothing but bring a sweet taste to his mouth. The thought of strength, of power, of blood, it lived in you like it belonged, and it made him hungry inside, wetting his tongue with something voracious.
“Then I’ll give it to you, princess. Whatever you want. It’s yours,” his voice was low, ravenous, and you didn’t care if he sounded like hell. It was music to you ears. “It’s all yours.”
“You promise?”
I am not ordinary.
“I promise.”
I’m free.
#ITS OVER#im crying#you guys#i really am#please leave this love#thanks#it took me way too long to write and im sorry but its here now#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland imagines#tom holland x reader#tom holland x you#tom holland fanfic#tom holland fic#tom holland smut#tom holland au#tom holland series#mob!tom#notorious
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Benvenuto Cellini in 300 lines or fewer
for the lovely and incredibly patient @notyouraveragejulie, as requested! Happy Cellini-versary! took me long enough, but decided to get it done today to honor the occasion :)
Act I Scene I
Balducci’s house
Balducci: Teresa what are you doing looking out the window I told you never to look out the window. Besides I need you to listen to my rant. Can you BELIEVE what the Pope has just told me? He’s hired that delinquent Cellini to make his new statue instead of Fieramosca. I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Teresa: Maybe you could if it wasn’t so big.
Balducci: What?
Teresa: Nothing.
(Balducci exits)
Teresa: Ugh FINALLY I hate listening to his rants. )goes back to look out the window)
Masqueraders outside: LALALALA IT’S CARNIVAL THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR
(Balducci comes back and sees Teresa at the window)
Balducci: TERESA WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STAYING AWAY FROM THE WINDOW what is even going on down there? I bet it’s that Cellini whipping everyone into a frenzy. Ugh, Carnival. (exits again)
Teresa: (goes to the window and is immediately showered with flowers) I don’t care what my dad says, hanging out by the window is fun. I love flowers. Oh hey, a note from Cellini! What? He’s coming here? Oh, that’ll be risky. But hey, dad’s out of the house, what could go wrong? Y’know, it’s kinda hard, dealing with all this—feeling like I have to listen to my dad, but wanting to indulge in the affections of my beloved. When I’m older, old like my parents, maybe I’ll be responsible, but right now I’m young, and I deserve to have some fun! Girls just wanna have fun!
Cellini: (appearing at the window) TERESA MY BELOVED
Teresa: Cellini, I love you, but it’s too dangerous for you to be here. What if my dad catches us?
Cellini: But look, it’s carnival, and it’s so gay! And I mean that like happy, but y’know, it’s pretty gay too. Besides, I love you. Why do you turn me away?
Teresa: Well, I just got done singing this empowering feminist aria, but unfortunately reality hits and I remember that it’s 1532 and I basically have no rights, so it’s best for you to forget me and move on.
Fieramosca: (sneaking in carrying a huge bouquet) The best way to a woman’s heart is with a cool sneak-in plan and a bunch of flowers. Hang on, is that Cellini talking to my Teresa?
Cellini: How am I supposed to just leave you behind? Let you be forced into the arms of that Fieramosca?
Teresa: I’d rather die than marry Fieramosca!
Fieramosca: …I just came here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.
Cellini: Okay, so, how about this: Come to the new opera Cassandro is presenting tomorrow night. While your dad is distracted, my apprentice and I will sneak over disguised as friars and spirit you away! We’ll go to Florence and live happily ever after! Nothing could possibly go wrong!
Fieramosca: Hmm, interesting plan. It would be a shame if someone were to...interfere.
Teresa: Sounds foolproof. But hang on, my dad is coming back. You have to hide!
(Cellini hides behind the door. Fieramosca hides in Teresa’s bedroom. Balducci somes back.)
Balducci: Teresa, what are you up to? Are you talking to people? How many times do I have to remind you that you’re not allowed to have a life?
Teresa: (distracting him so Cellini can sneak out) DAD THERE’S A MAN IN MY BEDROOM
Balducci: What??? Let me see!
(Balducci goes into Teresa's bedroom and comes out dragging Fieramosca) I can’t believe this! This is so inappropriate, Fieramosca, how dare you?
Fieramosca: No, wait, let me explain! I just came to visit! Cellini is the real rascal!
Teresa: Oh the poor man is raving mad.
Balducci: I will not stand for this! Servants, come here! Let’s teach this seducer a lesson!
Servants: OH YEAAAHHHHH LET’S STICK HIM IN THE FOUNTAIN
Fieramosca: NO WAIT
Teresa: This is the best thing ever.
Act I Scene II
Piazza Colonna
Cellini: I can’t wait to elope with Teresa!
(A bunch of Cellini’s friends and students come in)
Chorus: LALALALALA LET’S GET SLOSHED
Cellini: Yes, but for god’s sake none of those ridiculous drinking songs. Let’s sing about the glory of metal-workers!
Everyone: YEAH GLORY TO THE METAL-WORKERS!! WE’RE THE BEST WE WORK WITH METAL THAT SPARKLES LIKE JEWELS AND RIPPLES LIKE FLOWERS AND IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN BOTH OF THOSE PUT TOGETHER
Bernardino: Alright folks, let’s drink up!
Innkeeper: Sorry lads, not until you pay your tab.
Cellini: Okay who’s got the cash? …nobody? Well this is a nice little pickle we’ve gotten ourselves into.
Ascanio: (enters carrying a bag of money) ASCANIO TO THE RESCUE
Everybody: YEAHHH VIVA ASCANIO
Ascanio: Okay hold your horses folks, before you spend this money, you have to realize where it’s coming from. It’s a down payment on that statue you’re supposed to build. Cellini, remember you promised the Pope you’d make that statue?
Cellini: Ugh, don’t remind me.
Ascanio: It’s literally my job to remind you.
Cellini: Fiiiiine I promise I’ll finish the statue.
Ascanio: Okay, cool. Here’s the money.
Cellini: Here you go, you troublesome little man, now give us our drinks.
(He gives the Innkeeper the money.)
Cellini: Okay, now that we all have had our libations, let’s talk revenge. You know that guy Balducci who’s always disrespecting me and trying to keep me away from my girlfriend? Well, I have a plan for Carnival where we can humiliate him in front of everyone as payback!
Everyone else: Sounds like a great time! We’re in.
Everyone: Yeah!! A curse on that guy! And while you’re at it, honor to the metal-workers again!!
Ascanio: That’s such a bop where’d it come from?
Cellini: We made it up while you were gone.
Ascanio: I always miss the fun stuff.
(they all leave to get ready; Fieramosca, who was eavesdropping, comes out into the open)
Fieramosca: Ugh, look at them all, plotting against my future!
Pompeo: (entering) Hey boo! What's with the long face?
Fieramosca: Alas, Pompeo, my only friend! What a week it's been! First off, I got an impromptu and very much unwanted bath at Balducci’s yesterday. And as if that weren’t enough, now Cellini and his apprentice are going to abduct my girl!
Pompeo: That’s actually not a bad idea.
Fieramosca: What do you mean?? You want him to steal Teresa from me?
Pompeo: No, the getting in disguise and abducting her part! Why don’t WE just don those same disguises and get her ourselves?
Fieramosca: Ohhh, I get it! What a great idea! Although I must admit, I am a little scared of what Cellini might do if he catches me in the act.
Pompeo: What you think he’s actually going to stab somebody? Here, let’s practice sword fighting so you’re prepared if he does try to pull anything funny.
Fieramosca: Good idea! (they practice sword fighting) HA LOOK AT ME, WHO WOULD EVER DARE CHALLENGE ME, ALL Y’ALL PEASANTS GET OUT OF MY WAY, I’M THE ROUGHEST TOUGHEST GUY YOU EVER DID SEE. Oh, Teresa, I wish you could know just how much my heart burns for you! I’ll be damned if I let that rascal Cellini come between us.
(They leave to get ready. Balducci enters with Teresa as the Piazza begins to fill with people)
Balducci: Well, Teresa, I hope you’re happy. I’ve decided to suffer through this vulgar comedy so you can stop nagging me about not letting you go to Carnival.
Teresa: I’ll never forget your sacrifice, dad. (Come to think, it DOES make me feel a little guilty to be running away from home...is it fair to leave him all by himself?)
Cellini and Ascanio: (dressed as monks) Quickly and quietly, let’s get down to business! The plot is about to start!
Chorus or Troupers: COME, GOOD PEOPLE OF ROME!! COME AND SEE OUR SHOW!!
People: THIS IS SO MUCH FUN CARNIVAL IS AWESOME
Troupers: Let the show begin! (They start a pantomime featuring a parody of Balducci and the Pope)
Balducci: What fresh nonsense is this?
Teresa: Uhhh maybe we should go?
People: SHUT UP AND WATCH THE SHOW
Balducci: You know what? I’m going to suffer through this whole thing and then go tell the Pope how you’re all mocking him! Because he and I talk all the time I guess.
People: WE SAID SHUT UP JUST WATCH THE SHOW
Cellini: Ascanio, can you see Teresa?
Ascanio: Nope but I see someone else trying to interfere with our plans!
People: HAHAHA WATCH THE SHOW THIS IS SO FUNNY LOOK AT HARLEQUIN LOOK AT THE OLD MAN HAHAHA
Balducci: I’M GOING TO TELL ON ALL OF YOU
Teresa: Dad, stop, you’re just riling them up!
Balducci: THAT’S IT I’VE HAD ENOUGH COME GET A TASTE OF MY WRATH (he runs onstage wielding his cane)
People: HAHAHA THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER
Fieramosca: Come on, Pompeo, let’s sneak over and grab Teresa!
Cellini: Come on, Ascanio, let’s sneak over and grab Teresa!
Fieramosca: Teresa, it’s me! Come with me!
Cellini: Teresa, it’s me! Come with me!
Teresa: ??? I don’t know who is who!
Cellini: Come with me!
Fieramosca: Come with me!
Teresa: You know, when I imagined myself falling in love, I never thought I’d have two fake monks vying for my attention.
Ascanio: WE’VE BEEN HAD YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS (starts chasing Fieramosca)
Cellini: Get out of my way! Cut it out! (He and Pompeo fight; Cellini stabs Pompeo.)
Pompeo: Oh, I’m dead! (He dies.)
People: OMG SOMEBODY DIED CALL 911 I CAN’T BELIEVE A MONK JUST KILLED A GUY WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN
Fieramosca: OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST KILLED MY BOYFRIEND
Teresa: OMG CELLINI
Balducci: OMG A DEAD MAN TERESA WHERE ARE YOU
Cellini: OMG I’M REALLY IN TROUBLE NOW
Ascanio: Well, that happened.
(General chaos ensues; Cellini’s students help him escape. Amidst the mayhem Balducci bumps into Fieramosca, and, thanks to his white monk costume, mistakes him for the murderer)
Balducci: I FOUND HIM I FOUND THE MURDERER
Fieramosca: ...are you telling me this is the second time in as many days I’m being accused of something that Cellini did?
Ascanio: Come on, Teresa, let’s get out of here!
Teresa: You don’t have to tell me twice! (They both run off.)
Act II Scene I
Cellini’s workshop
Teresa: Oh my gosh what a catastrophe! I hope Cellini is okay!
Ascanio: Have faith! My master is not one to let a silly little murder accusation get him down. I mean, he did actually kill the guy, but I’m sure it will all work itself out. Have faith!
Teresa: Let’s pray for his safe return! (She and Ascanio sing a very pretty prayer; Cellini busts into the workshop)
Cellini: HONEY I’M HOME
Teresa and Ascanio: OMG YAYY YOU’RE ALIVE
Cellini: It was a close call! Everyone was running after me with daggers and calling out for my blood! I thought for sure I was done for, but I managed to evade the crowd and find a place to hide, but passed clean out in the process. It was just my fortune that as I came to my senses, as group of white monks were walking past! I joined their procession and no one was the wiser. God led them right to you!
Teresa: OMG that’s such a harrowing adventure! I’ve got goosebumps.
Ascanio: And you’re sure this is 100% accurate, with no embellishments?
Cellini: What do you take me for? Now, come on, we’ve got to get out of here before they come after us again.
Ascanio: Whoops, they’re already here.
Balducci: Cellini, you scoundrel, abductor, murderer, and general all-around-annoying person! Relinquish my daughter. It’s time for her to unite with her husband, Fieramosca.
Cellini: OVER MY DEAD BODY
Ascanio: Don’t give them any ideas!
Balducci: Come on, Fieramosca, claim your bride!
Teresa: DAD NOOOOO
Fieramosca: Uh...I don’t want to cause a scene…
(The Pope enters with his retinue)
Everybody: OH SHI--OH DEAR IT’S THE POPE
Pope: Rise, rise, my children! Relish in my holiness, but don’t hurt yourselves.
Balducci and Fieramosca: Oh your Holiness, please grant us your assistance! That rascal Cellini has tarnished Teresa’s honor.
Cellini: Come on, I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
Pope: Well well, well, Cellini, this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten in trouble with me, is it? For example, where’s my statue? The one I commissioned you to make?
Cellini: Well...it’s not quite done yet.
Pope: Are you saying I should find someone else to cast the statue instead?
Cellini: WHAT?? HOW DARE YOU!! SOMEONE ELSE CAST M STATUE?? I’D RATHER DIE THAN SEE SOME AMETURE DARE TO PUT THEIR GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS ON MY MASTERWORK
Everyone else: Are you seriously yelling at the Pope????
Pope: Arrest this man!
Cellini: YOU ARREST ME AND I WILL DESTROY THIS MODEL RIGHT HERE THEN NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO FINISH THE STATUE! NOBODY!! NOBODY!!
Pope: How dare you threaten me? What’s it going to take to calm you down?
Cellini: I want full forgiveness for all my crimes up till this point. Wipe my record clean.
Pope: Fine, fine.
Cellini: ALSO I want Teresa.
Balducci and Fieramosca: WHAT??? Your Holiness can’t possibly be considering this.
Cellini: I ALSO want more time to finish the statue.
Pope: …you know my weakness for art; fine, fine, I can’t really say no.
Balducci and Fieramosca: What audacity! But we’ll see who has the last laugh.
Teresa: Oh, what a fateful day!
Ascanio: Look at my master, he’s so clever and devious!
Pope: Okay, Cellini, here’s the deal. Finish the statue by tomorrow, and you’ll get all that you asked for. If you can’t finish it in time, you’ll be hanged.
Cellini: Fine!
Balducci and Fieramosca: He’s on the brink of ruin! We’ll see who wins this one!
Teresa: He’s doomed, alas! There’s nothing left for me in this world! Luckily I'm not going to end my life based on this notion like most operatic heroines, but I still feel dread in my heart!
Cellini: I’ve got to win this!
Ascanio: Come one boss you’re the best you got this!!!!
Act II Scene II
Cellini’s Foundry
Ascanio: TRALALALALALA….idk what I’m feeling...I’m happy, then I’m sad, then I’m crying, then I’m laughing, then I’m singing! Must be the hormones. Or the stress...our little bronze boy is finally getting finished today! But there’s a lot on the line. On one hand, I’m all scared that we’ll fail and my poor master will be hanged; on the other hand I can’t help laughing over how ridiculous the whole situation is...I mean, did you SEE the way my master stood up to the Pope?? Anyway, I better start getting ready. Tralalala! (He exits)
Cellini: What have I gotten myself into? How did I expect to finish this statue on time? All of Rome has its eyes on me
Ascanio: *Hamilton chorus voice* history has its eyes on youuuu
Cellini: What?
Ascanio: Nothing. I’m not here.
Cellini: Ah, why can’t I be a simple shepherd, whiling my life peacefully away in the mountains?
Chorus outside: Oooh!! here’s a grim old sea shanty
Cellini: I wish they’d stop! Nothing good ever happens when they sing that song!
Ascanio: (coming back) Not that song again!
Cellini: Take heart! We’re like sailors ourselves, but our sea is made of metal! Let’s get to work!
Fieramosca: NOT SO FAST!! I demand justice! Cellini, I challenge you to a duel! No need for all those sword-fighting lessons to go to waste.
Cellini: Someone finally grew a pair, eh? Fine, let’s duel right here.
Fieramosca: Not here! If I kill you in your own place, I’m a murderer. Meet me behind St. Anthony’s cloister.
Cellini: I’ll see you there!
(Fieramosca leaves; Teresa enters)
Ascanio: Here’s your sword, boss!
Teresa: Omg Cellini are you going to a duel??
Cellini: Relax, it’s just Fieramosca. (exit with Ascanio.)
Teresa: What if it’s an ambush????
Cellini’s workers (storming in) THAT’S IT WE’RE GOING ON STRIKE THESE WORKING CONDITIONS SUCK
Teresa: Oh heavens! What’s this ruckus? Come on, folks, just wait for Cellini to come back and talk about it!
Workers: NOPE WE’RE OUTTA HERE
(Fieramosca walks in)
Teresa: OMG FIERAMOSCA IS BACK WITHOUT CELLINI THAT MEANS CELLINI IS DEAD HE KILLED CELLINI (faints)
Workers: YOU KILLED OUR BOSS???
Fieramosca: What? No! Geez, this really is not my week. I’m just here to offer you the raise Cellini won’t give you.
Workers: NOPE WE’RE LOYAL TO CELLINI FORGET WHAT WE JUST SAID GET OUTTA HERE YOU RASCAL
Cellini: (coming back) What’s going on?
Teresa: (awake) OMG YOU’RE ALIVE
Cellini: ...was that ever in question? Oh, hey, Fieramosca, you’re just in time to help build the statue! Here’s an apron, get to work.
Fieramosca: What? I--
Everyone else: Get to work, or you’ll be taking another impromptu bath, but this time it’ll be in a sea of molten metal!
Fieramosca: YIKES! Okay, lead the way.
Everyone: COME ON LADS LET’S GET TO WORK
(the workers and Fieramosca head to the forge. Balducci enters with the Pope.)
Balducci: Teresa! What are you doing here?
Teresa: Uh, funny story.
Pope: So, Cellini, is my statue done yet?
Cellini: Nope, but it will be very soon.
Balducci: We’ll see about that.
Pope: You better be right.
Fieramosca: (running in) We need more metal for the statue!
Cellini: What, are you messing up my statue?? Let me go see (he runs to the forge)
Balducci: Fieramosca? What are you doing wearing an apron?
Fieramosca: Would you believe me if I said I got a new job?
Cellini: (coming back) Haha nothing to see here! Everything is going according to plan! We just need a bit more metal, that’s all, no biggie.
Workers: Just one problem: There is no more metal. And the fire’s going out. If we don’t get more metal in there quick, the whole thing will be ruined!
Balducci: Well, well, well, looks like I’m winning!
Cellini: NO THIS IS NOT THE END I REFUSE TO GIVE UP! Everyone, just grab anything metal and throw it in there!
Workers: What?? Even all your old work?
Cellini: I SAID EVERYTHING DIDN’T I
(Cellini, the workers, and Ascanio all start grabbing metal things and throwing them into the furnace)
Teresa: I can’t handle this stress!!
Pope: I can’t believe the nerve of this guy! Is it possible he could actually succeed?
(An explosion comes from the forge)
Cellini: OMG THIS IS IT I’M DONE FOR
Workers: WOOHOO WE DID IT LONG LIVE CELLINI
Cellini: We did it??
Workers: VICTORY! VICTORY!! LOOK AT THE STATUE ISN'T IT AMAZING
Fieramosca: CELLINI WE DID IT HOW ABOUT A HUG
Cellini: ...how about no
Pope: Well, Cellini, I didn't think I was going to be able to say this, but you made good on your word. I officially pardon your sins, and bless your marriage to Teresa. (He leaves.)
Cellini: YAYY TERESA
Teresa: YAYY CELLINI
Everyone: VICTORY!! LONG LIVE CELLINI!! IMMORTAL GLORY! GLORY TO THE METAL-WORKERS!!!!
The End
#Benvenuto Cellini#abbreviated operas#Hector Berlioz#Léon de Wailly#Henri Auguste Barbier#opera#opera tag
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Letters from Naples, 1815
Some documents relating to chapter 3 of Helfert's book on Joachim Murat. I have not translated the report by Pauline Bonaparte's secretary about Napoleon's escape that Mier refers to in his second letter, as it's quite long and I assume it's been translated and quoted before. But I can do so if there is interest. Mier's letters however, are about Murat's immediate reaction to this news.
Mier to Metternich (in his own hand). (N° 21)
This 5th of March 1815.
My Prince! His Majesty the King received this morning a letter from Rome with the news of the escape of the Emperor Napoleon from the island of Elba. The Chevalier de Lebzeltern took advantage of this opportunity to announce this same event to me. Your Highness can easily imagine the effect which this news produced on the minds of Their Majesties. - The King sent for me to come to him to talk to me about this event, and told me that in a few hours he would send a courier to Vienna. Campochiaro was ordered to declare to our Court that in any event the policy of the King of Naples remained entirely subordinate to ours, that nothing could make Him deviate from this principle, and that He wished to know what course we would believe necessary to follow in this affair in order to comply with it. The King repeated to me on this occasion how much he wished to give the Emperor Francis proof of His attachment and His gratitude. While we were talking we saw several merchant ships enter the port. His Majesty sent to find out where they came from. It turned out that one of these ships had come from the island of Elba and had left after the flight of the Emperor Napoleon. The captain of this vessel gave the King details of which we were unaware, and communicated to Him the proclamation of the Governor of the Isle of Elba after the departure of Napoleon.
May Your Highness deign to accept the assurance of my highest consideration.
Mier. Mier to Metternich. (N° 22)
Naples 9 March 1815.
My Prince!
1) The departure for Rome of two officers of our Regiment of Prince-Regent Houzards, who have spent a few days here, provides me with a sure occasion to send my following dispatch to Rome and to recommend it to the care of the Chevalier de Lebzeltern.
2) It is only the day after I sent my report No. 21, that I learned that on the ship arriving from the Isle of Elba there was a certain Mr. Mary, secretary to the Princess Pauline. It is from him that all the details of Napoleon's escape were obtained. I do not believe that he brought letters for Their Majesties, at least the Queen has very definitely assured me of this. She has been kind enough to send me the attached document, written by Monsieur Mary.
3) I had the honour of informing Your Highness in my last report that I had been called to the King's residence at the moment when he had received the news of Napoleon's departure from the Isle of Elba. I found the King extremely agitated, not knowing where to stop his thoughts. It was obvious that he did not know what to desire. He maintained that the Emperor Napoleon landing in France would have the entire army, the whole of France behind him; that the Bourbons would be driven out; that Napoleon would not have risked this enterprise without being semi-certain of its success; that if he found a very doubtful party of the Bourbons resisting him, it would bring on a civil war in France. "What side will Austria and the other Powers take? It is a very unfortunate event, and one which may confuse all at the moment when the main questions had been happily arranged at the Congress. It is no less unfortunate for me in many respects: it may delay the arrangement of my interests, and in the long run I cannot remain in this position; I must know where I stand." He would go out at any moment to ask for news of the ships entering the harbour. After a conversation of more than two hours in the presence of the Queen, he withdrew when a ship from the island of Elba was announced. Afterwards I had a long conversation with the Queen who always consistent in her way of considering things, wise in her views and reasonings, putting character and perseverance in the party and the course which she once convinced herself was useful to her interests, not varying opinion at any event, always preaching uprightness and loyalty, gave me on this occasion new proofs of the essential qualities which distinguish her. One could see in her face how much this event had upset her. She told me that she was extremely worried about the fate of her brother, who was running towards his inevitable loss; that as a sister she could not wish for his death, but that she would have liked him to keep quiet in Elba; that she was convinced that, if the Emperor Napoleon ever succeeded in replacing himself on the throne of France, he would hasten to chase them out of Naples, a thing she never ceased to repeat to the King; that the Emperor Napoleon, once again Emperor of the French, will once more upset the whole of Europe; that she knows his character too well to ever doubt it; that it would be wrong to believe that age and experience have corrected him. "The King", she continued, "has a fine role to play, it is to remain invariably attached to the policy which he has embraced, to unite his interests as closely as possible with those of Austria, to repel all the perfidious insinuations which will not fail to be made to him, and to remain firm in his promises and declarations. This is what his honour and his true interests demand. You know me too well to doubt that I will not do everything to this end.
4) A Neapolitan courier sent to London carried the same declarations as the one that left for Vienna. The same day that the news of Napoleon's escape was learned here, the King convened an extraordinary Council of Ministers in which he declared to them that this event would in no way change the course of his policy. Notwithstanding these declarations and promises made to his people and his Allies, I know that his head is hard at work; that he has admitted into his presence several French refugees in Naples, enraged Bonapartists; that he has had several conferences with them; that he has sent secret emissaries everywhere (I have pointed out to Marshal Bellegarde two of this number who are on their way to France by way of Milan), and that his announced determinations are very shaky. This event instead of delaying his planned journey to the Marches seems to have accelerated it. His saddle horses and some campaign crews left last Monday for the Marches. His departure may take place at any moment. His mood, his words announce that he has projects in view, but that his ideas are not yet fixed, and that he is waiting for the first results of Napoleon's enterprise. If He remained in Naples, surrounded by the Queen and by a few sensible people who, without flattering Him, have the courage to tell Him the truth, one could count on His not being drawn into a few false steps; but in Ancona, returned to himself, surrounded by hotheads, there is nothing to be sure of. I have done everything to prevent this journey, I have begged and insisted that it should not be undertaken at this time, because of the bad effect it would have, and the suspicion that He would arouse by this step. I know that the Queen, Monsieur de Gallo, the Count of Mosbourg and many other reasonable people have positively advised Him against it; but all in vain; He seems determined to go. It is not yet known whether He will leave the Regency to the Queen.
5) Spirits in Naples are very agitated. There are people who make wishes for Napoleon, without knowing what they are asking for; but in general one would be angry here if the King interfered in an affair foreign for the moment to the interests of this country, and in despair if He took up the cause of Napoleon; in the latter case I believe that the King should not count on the fidelity of his subjects. If He wanted to make a diversion in favour of the Emperor Napoleon by going to France, half his army would leave Him; it would not be the same if He remained in Italy. He would find supporters there and could do us a lot of harm. Prudence requires that we put ourselves in this country in a position to face any event.
6) The Princess of Wales has openly expressed much delight at the escape of Napoleon. She told the King that she hoped for his glory that he would not remain an idle spectator of the events that were being prepared; that he should follow the example of the Emperor Napoleon, who with a thousand men despaired of nothing, while he with 80,000 seemed to let himself be imposed upon; that the course he would take in the present circumstances might lead him to immortality, etc. This inconsiderate woman wanted to follow the King to Ancona; but I have just been told that she has changed her plans and that she is leaving for Civitavecchia the day after tomorrow.
7) The Capri, a Neapolitan ship of the line of 80 guns, set sail several days ago to join the two Neapolitan frigates which left for the Adriatic.
8) Until now no movement of Neapolitan troops has taken place in the kingdom.
9) Count Széchényi leaves tomorrow for London. I have endorsed his passport for Rome. May Your Highness accept etc.
Mier.
(Completely unrelated question: What's the legal punishment for throttling a Princess of Wales?) I also love how Mier praises Caroline to Metternich.
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❛ 𝒉𝒆 takes no time to shake his wings dry again , but for us – a few drops of love are intense pain . wine rouses the heart , wine makes all men lovers – wine , undiluted , dilutes worry .
* omg hello , i’m so excited to be here i love mythology in all forms & i simply , am a s-word for it always . i’m cc , cst tz w / feminine pronouns & this is bacchus , who i’ve never written before but am excited to try my hand at ! in a nutshell , he can be described as scarily calm angry guy who’s wine drunk & has a flair for the dramatics . lots more under the cut , but i’m so excited for this so pls ! hit the stupid lil heart to plot or hmu for my discord ! general tw for alcohol .
❛ 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 & 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌 › 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐒 .
( YOON JEONGHAN, CIS MAN, HE / HIM ╱ well, if it isn’t BACCHUS, who has decided to grace us with HIS presence. I heard the GOD OF WINE & MADNESS has been living amongst the humans for 417 YEARS, and hasn’t aged a day, funny right ? they can be EQUABLE & WILY, you should watch out because they are also known to be INTEMPERATE & AUDACIOUS. HE harnesses the power of MADNESS INDUCTION, and have chosen the path of being AGAINST the humans. ╱ CC, 20, CST )
❛ 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 & 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘 › 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 .
he sits by the sea , swallowed in sand with an empty chalice in his hands . his eyes are tired , an irrationally calm ire that rests on impenetrable skin while he watches the sun rise . will he ever tire of the simple things ? there was once beauty in humanity – he’s spent centuries dancing naked in the woods , flowers adorned in his hair sending messages in the breeze ; life hasn’t been the same since last he blinked . oh , he tires , he longs to sink in the sand unforgotten , but accursed with the weight of mankind , he tires – of them .
❛ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒆 › 𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐒 .
✧ * CORE
↠ full name . bacchus / alias baek suhwan ↠ nickname(s) / alias(es) / title(s) . roman god of wine & madness , baek suhwan – in the modern age to mortals ↠ age / dob . immortal / appears twenty - eight ↠ hometown . rome ( if u saw me put greece here first no u didn’t ) ↠ current location . new york city . ↠ stance . against mankind . ↠ abilities . madness induction . ↠ gender . cis gendered man . ↠ pronouns . he / him . ↠ orientation . bisexual , grayromantic . ↠ occupation . ???? billionaire playboy ???? ↠ face claim . yoon jeonghan .
✧ * COUNTENANCE
↠ height . six feet , one inch / 187 cm ↠ build . broad shoulders , though he’s got thinner limbs than the more athletic of his kind . best described as lean , but well toned . ↠ tattoos . a couple hand tattoos , XII on the back of his neck . ↠ piercings . ears . ↠ scars . none . ↠ hair . these days he’s sporting jet black , messy curls that usually fall into his eyes . he’s been known to try different hair colors , but hasn’t been blonde or otherwise in the last century . ↠ eyes . dark , and always seeming to swirl with a mix of emotions – it teems on raw anger and sheer entertainment , but his eyes tend to always just be watching and observing , easily putting most mortals at unease if he wants to . ↠ clothing style . whatever’s on trend – but just , slightly off . in his youth on earth , used to sport bright colors and flashy clothing but in the most recent years ( decades , even , not centuries ) he’s toned it way down to neutrals and dark toned clothing . it’s jarring , since he’s mostly outwardly still the same , he just looks like he’s matured a lot more . ↠ usual expression . just slightly entertained , half a smirk written on his lips while a golden chalice is tipped toward them . always like he’s in on a secret that he’s not supposed to know about , like he’s just on the verge of ruining your life if you choose to approach him in the darkness of the party – he screams danger , but he’s tempting . ↠ speech . slightly off putting , as if when listening you’re unable to discern where he’s really from – because his words sound a little , ancient , a little too powerful . he speaks like he’s the most important person , and like attention and glory are owed to him . awfully crude , but he’s charming enough to get away with his egotistical tendencies and how harshly his words leave his lips . ↠ distinguishing features . an aura that demands attention – whether he’s earned it or not , worn fingertips that are always rough against others’ skin , tilted lips that always spread in a trouble - making grin , clever eyes that don’t seem to match the rest of his demeanor .
✧ * RUMINATIONS
↠ ( + ) positive . equable , wily ↠ ( - ) negative . intemperate , audacious ↠ moral alignment . chaotic evil ↠ likes . wine ( though , won’t complain about other types of alcohol either ) , long parties that last days – even if it’s not as common these days , the silent roar of the sea , the feel of an evenly balanced blade in hand , naked company resting between silk sheets , cliff diving ( won’t explain ) , being awake in a city that never sleeps – roams free barefoot in the streets from time to time , never ending adventures with heroes ; hasn’t found a hero worth following , though . ↠ dislikes . most mankind – they’ve lost his respect far too long ago , death ( of a party , of a favored mortal , of joy ) , disrespect toward him – everyone else is fair game , apparently , most demigods – they’re just annoying , being uncomfortable – therefore often indulges in the finest things in life , most modern music ( old man vibes ) . ↠ quirks . will pull out various , priceless chalices and goblets seemingly out of nowhere – usually accompanied by a rare , expensive bottle of wine ( won’t offer to anyone else , it’s just for him ) , raises his right eyebrow whenever he finds something interesting , carries around an authentic aureus coin at all times and is often seen flipping and weaving it between his fingers . ↠ hobbies . disappearing for multiple years at a time only to reappear as some new version of asshole , letting himself get into fights ( and willingly losing ) just to Feel Something , lounging in a silk robe in his penthouse and complaining to his household staff ( aka lamenting like an old poet ) , creating multiple social media personalities just to see how far he can get away with things if he pretends to be famous for a century or two .
❛ 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒅 › 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄 .
trigger warnings : death , war – mentions of blood .
✧ * ASCENSION
* bacchus , roman god of wine & madness . he is not far from his greek counterpart , dionysus , & often has the same stories as him .
he’s born from the thigh of his father – birthed as a demigod while being raised by nymphs in order to be hidden from the wrath of an immortal queen . the first to cultivate grapes & turn them into wine , his first instance with mankind is spent in asia – teaching the mortals their the secrets of wine making . he is the last to ascend to mount olympus , the twelfth to take his seat among them & is inherently , the baby ( which , he lives up to ) .
✧ * 500 YEARS AGO
* the 1500s , bacchus arrives on earth – naked & drunk , awaiting his newest adventure . he loves mankind , despite the atrocities they perform upon each other . a traveling storyteller , he finds his place on a caravan of freaks while roaming in europe . rome isn’t what it used to be , now taken over by men from the north who are just learning about the earth being round – churches & monarchy are rampant , bacchus becomes a bard briefly . he has his way with the men & women of the court , charming them into sin , whispering forbidden stories of godhood into their ears as he brings in a generation of forgotten demigods that won’t amount to much . he falls in love with a mortal prince , watches him die in a baseless fight against the churches & the people . he disappears for a few decades before resurfacing in asia , finding an easy life with the sprawling dynasties . as always , adopts a life as a storyteller – a rambunctious drunk that has a way with words ( & royalty ) , earning him a comfortable life . he ends the era with still much love in his heart for mankind – they’ve been nothing but kind to him , they’ve loved him & cherished him , his anger is nonexistent .
✧ * 400 YEARS AGO
* the 1600s , italy calls him home , bacchus arrives at the same time of the greatest minds mankind has to offer . but as galileo & isaac newton are quick to make discoveries ( that are quite , common knowledge in his opinion ) , he’s the kind instead to be distracted by the pleasures in life . bacchus is the same bacchus as the child who took his first steps just a century earlier . he indulges in the finest wines & women , a sprawling palace built in his name as he lounges about being fed grapes . it’s here he has his first taste in adventure , after boredom settles into his bones . bacchus assimilates into mankind even more than he had previously – he’s quick to fall in love again , but not necessarily with someone – just , even more with mankind . he watches from afar as they grow & form ideas , becoming brighter & stronger than they were ever intended to . bacchus gifts more to mankind than ever , there are records of him all over europe – & to the east , a mysterious benefactor in the ottoman empire that matches his description . he most often brings up stories from this era ( & the 18th century , but , not there yet ) .
✧ * 300 YEARS AGO
* the 1700s , bacchus becomes more warlike than ever . he shows his godhood in both the american & french revolution , bares his teeth in every single major war that starts on earth . bloody & powerful , his stories during this century are a lot more somber . he witnesses horrors & pain that he didn’t know were necessary ( aren’t those usually things reserved for the gods ? he hasn’t experienced life on earth on the bad side , perhaps he would’ve seen more if he had – understood that mankind isn’t too far away from the gods themselves . the titanomachy tends to repeat , after all ) , he gains his first taste of disdain for mankind . even when he’s settled between wars with a crown on his head & a golden spear in hand , he’s starting to see humans forget him . they’ve shifted focus , weapons in hand with blood on their teeth , left his altars empty & forgotten . of course , if he just shifted his own focus back onto the courts ( & the rich ) he’d be better off . but , he spends this century as a disciple of war , for the first time on earth showing the strength of the roman empire .
✧ * 200 YEARS AGO
* the 1800s , bacchus falls back into old patterns – indulges more & more in his domain than ever . this is his worst century on earth – every god ever is aware of bacchus , who’s fallen very deeply into a spiral that’s difficult to get out of . when asked , it takes more than a thousand drinks before they understand what he went through . dozens of favored humans dead in wars , hundreds of children lost in one fell swoop – while the world just moves on , he’s stuck running around the world spreading his gifts & powers . chosen alcohol no matter where he goes , a never ending party left his wake , newborn maenads in his name , bacchus is an eternal mess . he spends very little actual time with sober humans , keeping other gods in his company instead . he almost misses home , almost chooses to return home , but is too stuck in his haze to really remember the way back . is it possible for gods to be drunk ? is it possible for them to absolutely forget their godhood ? well , it is for him .
✧ * 100 YEARS AGO
* the 1900s , his anger is at an all time high , bacchus is all but forgotten . his greek counterpart is far more remembered , he is left behind in the dirt ( though , who’s fault is it really ? over a hundred years as a drunkard , spilling old stories & fading from the forefront of man’s mind , he’s got nobody else but himself to blame ) . for the century , he’s a particularly cruel god – very sly , very cunning , very not great for mankind . a deal broker , he’s quick to help out humans , but always for a price & always an entirely too high one . it doesn’t make much sense , since there’s not much he can grant except momentary invincibility , a quick escape if needed , a personal maenad . he sets a quick record for inducing madness , more than ever in his entire four hundred years on earth – more people go insane than ever under his fingertips & he finds it absolutely entertaining . only toward the end of the cold war does he find it in himself to ... Relax , a little .
✧ * NOW
* nowadays , a new visage on hand , he returns to his roots from his favorite place earth has to offer . the first few years of the new century are spent around eastern asia , traveling about once again & teaching mankind new ways to succeed in the wine business . after he’s swindled enough mortals out of their money , he turns to the west & settles in manhattan , new york . a penthouse is purchased underneath the alias “baek suhwan” & he is content to live his days out , lounging about with the people that disgust him the most . he is calm now , though is anger is not forgotten . it’s turned almost – apathetic , a dangerous type of ire to hold , but he’s numbed out to it . most of what he does nowadays is insult everyone around him ( for entertainment ) or be the most dramatic person in the room ( for entertainment ) or cause a ruckus amongst the gods ( for entertainment ) . as for mankind , they’ve really done nothing in the recent centuries to win back his favor , & though he now more leans toward indifferent , he’d still choose to fight against them rather than ever fighting for them .
❛ 𝒅𝒊𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 › 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 .
so like , in theory : everything .
but in specifics i’ll just list some scenarios instead haha cause that’s how i do things cause smol brain .
001 : we always run into each other & i know exactly how to push your buttons so i always do & maybe you like it , or maybe you hate it – i’m still going to be as annoying as possible because technically , i can .
002 : for the greek gods – we’re technically related ( but i’m not greek & i never will be , ew , god ) & i’m technically still a baby god compared to you but i am annoying & i will annoy you but you can’t do anything about it because i’m the baby ):
003 : same as above except you DO do something about it because again : i’m not greek so yeah you beat my ass
004 : one time we accidentally started a small war between mortals & that was kind of messy but now we’re friends , except mankind insists that we’re enemies & we think it’s kind of funny .
005 : oh , yeah , i’m a “mortal” but i’m really not good at hiding it cause i kinda do whatever i want & i get away with it all the time but yeah , dude , i’m “human” – what do you mean why did i put it in quotation marks i’m not a god , dude – no i didn’t wink at you haha
006 : i did you a favor once & now you think you’ve gotta repay me back but like , i’m good – please don’t talk to me ever again , i don’t like you please stop bothering me & being nice to me please stop .
007 : oh , we don’t like each other & we both know it , so yeah we just don’t get along & i will fight you in public except the last time we started a battle it wasn’t cool & we got reprimanded for like 9 decades so let’s Not Do That but yeah , hate u , xx .
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HOMILY for 4th Sunday after Easter (Dominican rite)
James 1:17-21; John 16:5-14

In today’s Gospel the Lord says to his disciples, why have none of you asked me, quo vadis, where are you going? Perhaps they are overcome by sorrow, or they just did not dare to ask him. But as we heard in last Sunday’s Gospel, our sorrow in this life now is only temporary and passing, for “in a little while”, our Christian hope is that we shall, by grace, see Christ again, enjoying the beatific vision in heaven. So, as the Lord said just a few verses before, he goes “to prepare a place for you” (Jn 14:2), in his Father’s house, that is to say, in heaven. And so last Sunday we considered the three-fold joy of the Saints in heaven, a joy which is to be ours if we remain united to Christ.
However, lest we think that heaven is the universal destination of all human beings; or the well-deserved home of all Christians irrespective of how they’ve lived their baptismal calling; or that heaven is simply that “better place” which awaits all people after death, it is probably vital to realise that although the disciples do not ask the Lord where he is going, the Lord Jesus does ask this of his disciples. Quo vadis? This is the question that Our Lord put to St Peter when he appeared to him after his Ascension into heaven, and the prince of the apostles was on the road out of Rome, trying to avoid his martyrdom in that city. He is trying to flee from his Christian vocation; running for his life. So the Lord comes to him and says to him “Where are you going?” For it is possible to, then, to walk away from our heavenly homeland; to choose a path that takes us further from Christ; to try to avoid the Cross and so to end up in another place, the worst place where all who reject the graces of God are, ie, in hell.
Hence the apostle, ashamed and returning to his better self, returned also to Rome and so went to a martyr’s death like Christ’s. St Peter thus entered into heavenly glory with his Christ, entering into his Master’s joy. For as Our Lord said: “He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (Jn 12:25)
So the question that is put to us today, and which we must ask ourselves whenever we examine our consciences is, quo vado? Where am I going? And yes, this is posed in the first person because we are often very interested in where others are going, but the Scriptures remind us to be mindful of our own walk with Christ. So the Lord says to St Peter at the end of St John’s Gospel: “What is that to you? Follow me!” (Jn 21:22) Hence St Paul said: “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”. (Phil 2:12)
The focus of this church, as I mentioned last Sunday, makes it very clear where we should be going; where we are called by reason of our Christian vocation. We have before us a vision of heaven, and this is made especially evident when the Blessed Sacrament is exposed for Adoration on the Throne, and then the Dominican friars in their white habits are singing the psalms during Vespers, as it happens before this Mass. For the whole apse of this church is designed to show us what, according to the vision of St John, heaven will look like: the Lamb of God seated on the Throne; the white robed army of his followers singing the glory of God as incense goes up; a whole company of heaven looking on, thus the colourful stained glass windows showing the Saints and Angels in heaven. And then, the many pinnacles and niches and gables around the Altar evoking the many rooms in the Father’s house, and the golden walls that remind us that the heavenly Jerusalem is seen to be like pure gold. So, we have before us a vision of heaven, of our destination, and of the joys that await us in union with Mary, our exalted Queen and Mother. So, my brothers and sisters in Christ: Where are you going? To heaven, we hope!
Hence the Lord, having revealed to us the joys of heaven last week, and having told us that we shall have to endure sorrows in this life for a little while, meaning, for our lifetime, he now reveals to us the very necessary help God gives us so that we can live this life well, as faithful Christians, as steadfast pilgrims who are heading always forward towards our heavenly destination. So Jesus says: “If I go, I will send him [the Holy Spirit] to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgement… When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth”. (Jn 16:7-8, 13)
Yes, Lord, give us now your Spirit of truth! For with purifying truth, the Holy Spirit will convince us of sin – not the sin of others, which we are quick to see and point out, but the sin that is hidden, the sins that we are too ashamed to admit to ourselves, the sins that we do not want to see but need to bring before God’s mercy if we’re to be saved. These hidden sins the Holy Spirit will bring to light so that we can be healed of them, so that we can have true repentance.
Then, having rejected our sins, the Holy Spirit will come with clarifying truth to convince us of righteousness, that is to say, he will teach us to desire virtue, and to seek the wisdom of God’s ways over the wisdom of the world. As we are observing the Year of St Joseph and yesterday was his feast day, let us look to his example to show us the wisdom of God’s ways. Pope Francis, for example, points out that “as we read the infancy narratives, we may often wonder why God did not act in a more direct and clear way. Yet God acts through events and people. Joseph was the man chosen by God to guide the beginnings of the history of redemption. He was the true “miracle” by which God saves the child and his mother. God acted by trusting in Joseph’s creative courage… A superficial reading of these stories can often give the impression that the world is at the mercy of the strong and mighty, but the “good news” of the Gospel consists in showing that, for all the arrogance and violence of worldly powers, God always finds a way to carry out his saving plan. So too, our lives may at times seem to be at the mercy of the powerful, but the Gospel shows us what counts. God always finds a way to save us, provided we show the same creative courage as the carpenter of Nazareth, who was able to turn a problem into a possibility by trusting always in divine providence.” (Patris Corde, 5)
And thirdly, having given us the Holy Spirit and his gifts and virtues to lead us, we shall be led by the Spirit of truth to judgement. To be convinced of God’s judgement is to know that we shall be called to account for what we have done with our human freedom, and to account for how we have benefited from the gifts and graces that God has given us. Thus each day we are being asked by the Holy Spirit: Quo vado, where are you going? Am I growing in charity, for as St John of the Cross says: “In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.” Therefore St Paul reminds us: “Why do you pass judgement on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of God… So each of us shall give account of himself to God.” (Rom 14:10, 12)
Many medieval churches used to have an image of divine judgement painted above the Altar to constantly remind us of this post-mortem necessity. But the question we’re asked is: Where are you going? To which the answer is not merely that we go to be judged on love alone, but rather, we go Him who is Love. The vision of heaven, therefore, which is the vision of our communion with God who is Love alone, is surely the end for which we long, and for which we hope, and by which our actions are motivated. For only Love can motivate us to love. Nevertheless it is noteworthy that in the Sistine Chapel with its monumental painting of the Last Judgement, the mouth of hell is painted directly behind the Cross on the Altar. For it is the Cross of Christ, his holy Sacrifice, his saving Love and Mercy, that has barred Man’s entry into hell.
Hence, when St Peter tried to avoid the Cross of his martyrdom and was running away, the Lord appeared to him to gently turn him around. For we too must go to the Cross; we too must be led by the Spirit of truth to follow our Crucified Lord. For in this way we remain faithful to our Christian vocation. So Jesus said: “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it.” (Lk 9:23-24) Indeed, the Cross bars our entry to hell, for through it we shall be raised up with the Lord into the joys of heaven. May Our Lady, Queen of Heaven, pray for us!
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The Circumcision of Our Lord - January 1st
by Dom Prosper Gueranger, 1870
Our new-born King and Saviour is eight days old today; the Star, that guides the Magi, is advancing towards Bethlehem, and, five days hence, will be standing over the Stable where our Jesus is being nursed by his Mother. Today, the Son of Man is to be circumcised; this first sacrifice of his innocent Flesh must honour the eighth day of his mortal life. Today, also, a Name is to be given him–the Name will be Jesus, and it means Saviour. So that, Mysteries abound on this day: let us not pass one of them over, but honour them with all possible devotion and love.
But this Day is not exclusively devoted to the Circumcision of Jesus. The mystery of this Circumcision forms part of that other great mystery, the Incarnation and Infancy of our Saviour–a mystery on which the Church fixes her heart, not only during this Octave, but during the whole forty days of Christmas-Tide. Then, as regards our Lord’s receiving the Name of Jesus, a special Feast, which we shall soon be keeping, is set apart in honour of it. There is another object, that shares the love and devotion of the Faithful, on this great Solemnity. This object is Mary, the Mother of God. The Church celebrates, today, the august prerogative of this divine Maternity, which was conferred on a mere creature, and which made her the co-operatrix with Jesus in the great work of man’s salvation.
The holy Church of Rome used formerly to say two Masses on the first of January; one was for the Octave of Christmas Day, the other was in honour of Mary. She now unites the two intentions in one Sacrifice, in the same manner as, in the rest of this Day’s Office, she unites together the acts of her adoration of the Son, and the expressions of her admiration for, and confidence in, the Mother.
Let us not be surprised, therefore, at the enthusiasm and profound respect, wherewith the Church extols the Blessed Virgin, and her prerogatives. Let us, on the contrary, be convinced, that all the praise the Church can give her, and all the devotion she can ever bear towards her, are far below what is due to her as Mother of the Incarnate God. No mortal will ever be able to describe, or even comprehend, how great a glory accrues to her from this sublime dignity. For, as the glory of Mary comes from her being the Mother of God, one would have first to comprehend God Himself, in order to measure the greatness of her dignity. It is to God, that Mary gave our human nature; it is God, whom she had as her Child; it is God, who gloried in rendering Himself, inasmuch as He is Man, subject to her: hence, the true value of such a dignity, possessed by a mere creature, can only be appreciated, in proportion to our knowledge of the sovereign perfections of the great God, who thus deigns to make Himself dependent upon that favoured creature. Let us, therefore, bow down in deepest adoration before the Majesty of our God; let us, therefore, acknowledge that we cannot respect, as it deserves, the extraordinary dignity of Her, whom He chose for His Mother.
The same sublime Mystery overpowers the mind from another point of view–what were the feelings of such a Mother towards such a Son? The Child she holds in her arms, and presses to her heart, is the Fruit of her virginal womb, and she loves Him as her own; she loves Him because she is His Mother, and a Mother loves her child as herself, nay, more than herself:–but, when she thinks upon the infinite majesty of Him, who has thus given Himself to her to be the object of her love and her fond caresses–she trembles in her humility, and her soul has to turn, in order to bear up against the overwhelming truth, to the other thought of the nine months she held this Babe in her womb, and of the filial smile he gave her when her eyes first met His. These two deep-rooted feelings–of a creature that adores, and of a Mother that loves–are in Mary’s heart. The being Mother of God implies all this:–and may we not well say, that no pure creature could be exalted more than she? and that in order to comprehend her dignity, we should first have to comprehend God Himself? and that only God’s infinite wisdom could plan such a work, and only His infinite power accomplish it?
A Mother of God!–It is the mystery, whose fulfillment the world, without knowing it, was awaiting for four thousand years. It is the work, which, in God’s eyes, was incomparably greater than that of the creation of a million new worlds, for such a creation would cost Him nothing; he has but to speak, and all whatsoever he wills is made. But, that a creature should become Mother of God, He has had, not only to suspend the laws of nature by making a Virgin Mother, but also to put Himself in a state of dependence upon the happy creature He chose for His Mother. He had to give her rights over himself, and contract the obligation of certain duties towards her. He had to make Her His Mother, and Himself her Son.
It follows from all this, that the blessings of the Incarnation, for which we are indebted to the love wherewith the Divine Word loved us, may and ought to be referred, though in an inferior degree, to Mary herself. If she be the Mother of God, it is because she consented to it, for God vouchsafed, not only to ask her consent, but, moreover, to make the coming of His Son into this world depend upon her giving it. As this His Son, the Eternal Word, spoke His Fiat over chaos, and the answer to His word was creation; so did Mary use the same word Fiat:–let it be done unto me (St. Luke, i. 38), she said. God heard her word, and, immediately, the Son of God descended into her virginal womb. After God, then, it is to Mary, His ever Blessed Mother, that we are indebted for our Emmanuel.
The divine plan for the world’s salvation included there being a Mother of God: and as heresy sought to deny the mystery of the Incarnation, it equally sought to deny the glorious prerogative of Mary. Nestorius asserted, that Jesus was only man; Mary, consequently was not Mother of God, but merely Mother of a Man, called Jesus. This impious doctrine roused the indignation of the Catholic world. The East and West united in proclaiming, that Jesus was God and Man, in unity of Person; and that Mary, being His Mother, was, in strict truth, “Mother of God.” This victory over Nestorianism was won at the Council of Ephesus. It was hailed by the Christians of those times with an enthusiasm of faith, which not only proved the tender love they had for the Mother of Jesus, but was sure to result in the setting up of some solemn trophy, that would perpetuate the memory of the victory. It was then that began, in both the Greek and Latin Churches, the pious custom of uniting, during Christmas, the veneration due to the Mother with the supreme worship given to the Son. The day assigned for the united commemoration varied in the several countries, but the sentiment of religion, which suggested the Feast, was one and the same throughout the entire Church.
At that time : After eight days were accomplished, that the Child should be circumcised, His name was called Jesus, which was called by the Angel, before He was conceived in the womb.
The Child is circumcised: He is, now, not only a member of the human race; He is made, today, a member of God’s chosen People. He subjects Himself to this painful ceremony, to this symbol of one devoted to the Divine service, in order that He may fulfil all justice. He receives, at the same time, His Name:–the Name is Jesus, and it means a Saviour. A Saviour! Then, He is to save us? Yes; and He is to save us by His Blood. Such is the divine appointment, and he has bowed down his will to it. The Incarnate Word is upon the earth in order to offer a Sacrifice, and the Sacrifice is begun today. This first shedding of the Blood of the Man-God was sufficient to the fulness and perfection of a Sacrifice; but He is come to win the heart of the sinner, and that heart is so hard, that all the streams of that Precious Blood, which flow from the Cross on Calvary, will scarcely make it yield. The drops that were shed today would have been enough to satisfy the justice of the Eternal Father, but not to cure man’s miseries, and the Babe’s Heart would not be satisfied to leave us uncured. He came for man’s sake, and His love for man will go to what looks like excess–He will carry out the whole meaning of His dear name–He will be our “Jesus,” our Saviour.
On this the Eighth Day since the Birth of our Emmanuel, let us consider the great mystery which the Gospel tells us was accomplished in his divine Flesh–the Circumcision. On this day, the earth sees the first-fruits of that Blood-shedding, which is to be its Redemption, and the first sufferings of that Divine Lamb, who is to atone for our sins. Let us compassionate our sweet Jesus, who meekly submits to the knife which is to put upon Him the sign of a Servant of God.
Mary, who has watched over Him with the most affectionate solicitude, has felt her heart sink within her, as each day brought her nearer to this hour of her Child’s first suffering. She knows, that the justice of God does not necessarily require this first sacrifice, or might accept it, on account of its infinite value, for the world’s salvation: and yet, the innocent Flesh of her Son must, even so early as this, be torn, and his Blood flow down his infant limbs.
What must be her affliction at seeing the preparations for this painful ceremony! She cannot leave her Jesus–and yet, how shall she bear to see Him writhe under this His first experience of suffering! She must stay, then, and hear His sobs and heartrending cries; she must bear the sight of the tears of her Divine Babe, forced from Him by the violence of the pain. We need St. Bonaventure to describe this wonderful mystery. “And if He weeps, thinkest thou his Mother could keep in her tears? No–she, too, wept, and when the Babe, who was standing on her lap, perceived her tears, He raised His little hand to her mouth and face, as though he would beckon to her not to weep, for it grieved Him to see Her weeping, whom He so tenderly loved. The Mother, on her side, was touched to the quick at the suffering and tears of the Babe, and she consoled Him by caresses and fond words; and as she was quick to see His thoughts, as though He had expressed them in words, she said to Him: If thou wishest me to cease weeping, weep not Thou, my Child! If Thou weepest, I must weep too. Then the Babe, from compassion for the Mother, repressed his sobs, and Mary wiped His eyes and her own, and put His Face to her own, and gave Him her Breast, and consoled him in every way she could (Meditations on the Life of Christ, by St. Bonaventure).”
And now, what shall we give in return to this Saviour of our souls for the Circumcision, which he has deigned to suffer, in order to show us how much He loved us? We must, according to the teaching of the Apostle, circumcise our heart from all its evil affections, its sins, and its wicked inclinations; we must begin, at once, to live that new life, of which the Infant Jesus is the sublime model. Let us thus show Him our compassion for this His earliest suffering for us, and be more attentive, than we have hitherto been, to the example He sets us.
THE CIRCUMCISION by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
Eight days later the time came to circumcise him, and he was given the name of Jesus, the name given by the Angel before he was conceived. [Luke 2: 21]
Circumcision was the symbol of the covenant between God and Abraham and his seed, and took place on the eighth day; circumcision presumed that the person circumcised was a sinner. The Babe was now taking the sinner’s place——something He was to do all through His Life. Circumcision was a sign and token of membership in the body of Israel. Mere human birth did not bring a child into the body of God’s chosen people. Another rite was required, as recorded in the Book of Genesis:
God said to Abraham, For your part, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you, generation by generation. This is how you shall keep my covenant between myself and you and your descendants after you: circumcise yourselves, every male among you. [Genesis 17: 9-11]
Circumcision in the Old Testament was a prefiguring of Baptism in the New Testament. Both symbolize a renunciation of the flesh with its sins. The first was done by wounding of the body; the second, by cleansing the soul. The first incorporated the child into the body of Israel; the second incorporates the child into the body of the new Israel or the Church. The term .’Circumcision” was later used in the Scriptures to reveal the spiritual significance of applying the Cross to the flesh through self-discipline. Moses, in the Book of Deuteronomy clearly spoke of circumcising the heart. Jeremiah also used the same expression. St. Stephen, in his last address before being killed, told his hearers that they were uncircumcised in heart and ears. By submitting to this rite, which He need not have done because He was sinless, the Son of God made man satisfied the demands of His nation, just as He was to keep all the other Hebrew regulations. He kept the Passover; He observed the Sabbath; He went up to the Feasts; He obeyed the Old Law until the time came for Him to fulfill it by realizing and spiritualizing its shadowy prefigurements of God’s dispensation. In the Circumcision of the Divine Child there was a dim suggestion and hint of Calvary, in the precious surrendering of blood. The shadow of the Cross was already hanging over a child eight days old. He would have seven blood-sheddings of which this was the first, the others being the Agony in the Garden, the Scourging, the Crowning with Thorns, the Way of the Cross, the Crucifixion, and the Piercing of His Heart. But whenever there was an indication of Calvary, there was also some sign of glory; and it was at this moment when He was anticipating Calvary by shedding His blood that the name of Jesus was bestowed on Him.
A child only eight days old was already beginning the blood-shedding that would fulfill His perfect manhood. The cradle was tinged with crimson, a token of Calvary. The Precious Blood was beginning its long pilgrimage. Within an octave of His birth, Christ obeyed a law of which He Himself was the Author, a law which was to find its last application in Him. There had been sin in human blood, and now blood was already being poured out to do away with sin. As the East catches at sunset the colors of the West, so does the Circumcision reflect Calvary.
Must He begin redeeming all at once? Cannot the Cross wait? There will be plenty of time for it. Coming straight from the Father’s Arm to the arms of His earthly mother, He is carried in her arms to His first Calvary. Many years later He will be taken from her arms again, after the bruising of the flesh on the Cross, when the Father’s work is done.
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Rome 49BC: Order from Chaos

Two thousand years ago, at the dawn of the first century, the world was ruled from Rome. Rome was in turmoil. Civil war had engulfed the empire’s capital city. Dictators seized power, and the Roman future seemed bleak. But from the chaos, the Roman Empire would rise stronger and more dazzling than ever before. Within a few short years, it would stretch from Britain, across Europe, to southern Egypt, from North Africa around the Mediterranean, to the Middle East. It would embrace hundreds of languages and religions and would till those diverse cultures into a rich soil, from which western civilizations would grow. Rome would become the world’s first and most enduring super power, spanning continents. The glory days of Rome were studded with names that reach out to us across two millennia: Ovid and Nero, Seneca and Caligula. But the story of Rome is more than the story of famous men. Millions of less familiar figures struck different chords in the symphony of empire. People such as the wealthy benefactor, Umachia. The rebel queen, Boudicca, and countless uncelebrated soldiers and slaves, senators and peasants.
Above them all, is this man, Caesar Augustus. This was the emperor who set the tone for the astonishing renaissance of Rome.

Part one of my history tells the story of Augustus, (the great-grandfather of my 51st great granduncle) and his people, the men and women who wrested order from chaos. They shaped the greatest empire the world has ever seen and launched the Roman Empire in the first century.
Two thousand years after Egypt’s pharaoh’s reigned supreme, four hundred years after the flowering of Greek culture, three hundred years after Alexander the great - a boy named Octavian was born in a small Italian town. The child would one day be called Augustus, and his birth, one ancient historian tells us, would be gilded by legend. His father, leading an army through distant lands, went to a sacred grove, seeking prophecy on the boy’s future. When wine was poured on the altar, flames shot up to heaven. The signs were heard only once before, by Alexander the Great. The priest declared that Augustus would be ruler of the world.
Suetonius tells the story. Writing at the turn of the first century, he based his biography on eyewitness accounts, on common gossip and on research conducted as imperial librarian. In truth, he writes that the prospects of young Augustus were far from grand. The boy was sickly, with few connections. His family were country people. His father was the first in their line to join the Senate. But worse - Augustus was born into dangerous times. Civil war had flared for decades. Feuding nobles fought to gain power for themselves. And Rome’s traditions of open government were often trampled underfoot. So too, were innocent bystanders. When Augustus was just four years old, his father suddenly died. Without a male mentor, the boy’s future looked bleak. But in 49 BC, when he was thirteen, Augustus’ fortunes took a dramatic turn. For in that year, his great uncle, Julius Caesar, gained the upper hand on the battlefield. Leading an army across the Rubicon River, Caesar declared himself master of Rome and ruler of an empire still aspiring to greatness. At the time of Julius Caesar, the Roman Empire was a bit like a boy who has reached six feet tall, yet he’s only fourteen or fifteen years old. He’s not yet a man. The externals of empire were there - the armies were there. The Romans governed most of the coast of the Mediterranean, with the exception of Egypt. However, they had not yet learned to bring that into a functioning organism. The past decades of internal fighting had weakened the empire. Northern tribes harried the borders. Enemies were confronting Rome in the east. And the province of Spain threatened to break free. Julius Caesar moved quickly to bolster the frontiers, and his own legacy. Caesar had no heir, so when Augustus completed a dangerous mission, Caesar adopted the teenager in his will. Karl Galinsky, Professor of Classics, University of Texas, Austin:
“Augustus realized this was a tremendous opportunity. Mind you, he had no military training, but he was the heir of the greatest political figure that was under the Roman sky at that time - and he cashed in on it.”
It was a heady opportunity for Augustus, but also a perilous challenge. For in 44 BC, foreigners were not the only threat to stability. There were enemies within Caesar’s small circle of advisors. They murdered Caesar at a meeting of the Senate. For the second time in his life, Augustus lost a father. Now, on the verge of manhood, he thrust himself into the maelstrom of Roman politics. Keith Bradley, Professor of Greek and Roman Studies, University of Victoria:
“The death of Julius Caesar was not just a turning point in Augustus’ life, it was a turning point in world history. Augustus was extremely young at this time, only in his nineteenth year. Yet when he knew that he had been made Caesar’s heir, he immediately took up the political legacy of Caesar. He entered the mainstream of Roman politics. He didn’t hesitate to try to avenge his father. That meant, of course, stepping onto the stage of politics, raising an army and immersing himself in a contest for supreme political power in Rome.”
He displayed brutality against enemy prisoners. Once, when a father and son were begging for their lives, he ordered that they should draw lots to determine which one should be executed. The father offered himself and was killed. Because of this, the son committed suicide. Augustus watched them both die. Suetonius describes the crisis as “trial by fire” and Augustus didn’t flinch from the task. He formed a strategic alliance with Marc Antony, a powerful general, who also wanted supremacy. Together they massacred their enemies in the capital. Then they pursued their rivals to the shores of Greece, where they fought and won two of the bloodiest battles in Roman history. When the carnage ended, the empire was theirs. Augustus and Antony divided the spoils of war. Augustus remained in Rome. But Antony took control of Egypt, a land not formally joined to Rome, but firmly under the empire’s command. There, he joined forces with Egypt’s queen. Ancient historians, like Cassius Dio, believed that was a fateful move. When Antony fell deeply in love with his new ally, many feared the ambitious queen was scheming to rule Rome herself. Her name was Cleopatra. Cleopatra’s brazen desire for passion and wealth was insatiable. By love, she had made herself queen of Egypt. But she failed in her goal to become queen of the Romans. Judith P. Hallett, Professor of Classics, University of Maryland, College Park:
“Cleopatra did not enjoy a good press in Rome. What really irritated people about Cleopatra was that she was a powerful woman from the east, and from a very wealthy country with a monarchic system of government. She therefore symbolized lack of moderation, lack of control, frenzied fury, everything that Rome tried not to be. Cleopatra and Antony were cast as leaders of the evil empire.” Antony’s alliance with Augustus withered. But Augustus struck first. The poet, Virgil, later cast the battle as an epic struggle of east against west. “Standing high on the stern, Augustus leads the Italians into battle. Carrying with him the bite of the Senate and the people. Opposing him, with barbarian wealth, is Antony, suited for battle. He carries with him the powers of the orient. And to the scandal of all, his Egyptian wife, their monstrous divinities raised weapons against our noble, Roman gods.” Three quarters of the Egyptian fleet was destroyed. Anthony and Cleopatra committed suicide - and the land of the pharaohs was formally annexed to the Roman Empire. Judith Hallet:
“The annexation of Egypt for Augustus was immensely important. It was the equivalent of Hitler’s troops marching through the streets of Paris. Here was a wealthy country that was going to be providing food, that was going to be providing land. But above all, it was a country of great cultural prestige, and once Rome had Egypt as part of its empire, they had truly arrived.”
A Voice:
“There is nothing that man can wish from the gods, nothing the gods can do for men which Augustus, when he returned to the city, did not do for the public, the Roman people, and the entire world. Civil wars were finished - foreign wars ended and everywhere the fury of arms was put to rest.” Upon Augustus’ return to a war torn Rome in 29 BC, the city went wild with enthusiasm. The triumphant general vowed to restore peace and security. It was a promise he would keep. The victory of Augustus launched a period of stunning cultural vitality, of religious renewal and of economic well being that spread throughout the empire. It would be called the ‘Pax Romana’ - the peace of Rome. To many, it marked the return of Rome’s mythic and glorious past. But Augustus himself would never return to the past. He was now a hardened thirty-two-year-old man - the sole ruler of the Greco-Roman world, Rome’s first emperor. Victory had been costly, but the greatest challenge still lay ahead, for to avoid the fate of Julius Caesar, Augustus must disarm the Senate and charm the masses. He must do better than win the war. He must win the peace. That challenge would occupy the rest of his life. A Voice:
“Let me step forward, clear my throat, and announce that I am a native of Soula, a few days’ journey eastward from Rome.” While Augustus fought his way to the pinnacle of power, a boy named Ovid was coming of age under less demanding circumstances. Ovid Speaks:
“I was the second son, a year to the day younger than my brother. We always had two cakes on the birthday we shared, and were close in other ways as well. We studied together, and then went up to Rome to seek our fortunes. I used to waste my time trying to write verses. My father called it waste. He disapproved of any pursuit where you could not turn a decent living, and always used to say, ‘Homer died poor.’” Ovid came from the same stock as Augustus. They were both landed gentries, and like Augustus, the young man found his identity and his ambitions moulded by his demanding family.
Ovid:
“I tried to give up poetry, to stick to prose on serious subjects, but frivolous minds like mine attract frivolous inspirations, some too good not to fool with. I kept returning to my bad habits, secretive and ashamed. I couldn’t help it, I felt like an impostor in serious matters, but I owed it to my father and my brother to try to do my duty.” By Roman law, a father wielded absolute control over his children. Those who displeased him could be disowned, sold into slavery or even killed. The young Ovid tried to meet his father’s expectations. He married, studied law - but the strain proved unendurable. Miserable, Ovid and a friend set out on a journey of self-discovery. Ovid:
“We toured the magnificent cities of Asia. We watched the flames of Mount Etna light up the heavens. We ploughed the waves in a painted ship, and also travelled by wagon. Often the roads seemed short, as we were lost in conversation. When we walked, our words outnumbered our steps - and we had too much to say, even for the long evenings of supper.” Eighteen months later, Ovid settled in Rome, older and more self-confident than before. He resolved to become a poet. He cultivated new friends in Roman literary circles, and soon, Ovid made a name for himself as Rome’s reigning poet - of stolen kisses. Ovid:
“So your husband is coming to this dinner party? I hope he gags on his food. Listen - and learn what you must do. When he settles on his couch to eat, go to him with a straight face. Look modest and lie back beside him. But secretly touch me with your foot. Don’t let him drape his arms around your neck, don’t rest your gentle head against his chest - don’t welcome his fingers to your lap or to your eager nipples. Most of all, no kissing. When dinner is done, your husband will close the bedroom door. But whatever the night shall bring, tell me tomorrow - you refused.”
Keith Bradley:
“It’s a mistake to think that Ovid’s poetry can be read very literally in purely autobiographical terms. That wouldn’t be true, I think, of any poetry from antiquity. But at the same time, Ovid is writing of subjects of which he has some sort of experience and he certainly, through the love poetry, opens up a world that is very different in tone and quality from the official atmosphere.”
While Ovid bloomed as a man of words, the new emperor thrived as a man of action. He rebuilt Rome - and his own family. Divorcing his wife, Augustus married his heavily pregnant mistress - Livia. The move raised eyebrows and hackles, as love was not the only motive. Although Augustus shunned the trappings of absolute power, many suspected he was building a dynasty - a line of heirs to rule Rome for generations to come. Augustus knew it was a dangerous move. He knew that Julius Caesar had been murdered for appearing as a king. Augustus would not make the same mistake. He relinquished high office and struck a delicate balance between fact and fiction.
Augustus writes:
“Having, by universal consent, acquired control of all affairs, I transferred government to the Senate and the people of Rome.” Judith Hallet:
“Augustus was a very cagey political leader because he pretended to be restoring all of these republican political traditions. In fact, what he was running was a full-fledged dynastic monarchy.” A Voice:
“Augustus conquered Cantabria, Aquitania, Pannonia, Dalmatia and all of Illyricum, as well as Raetia.” Augustus not only changed the empire, he expanded it. Egypt had been added early in his career. Soon, Northern Spain was joined. Augustus drove across Europe, into Germany, and he united east and west by adding modern Hungary, Austria, the Balkans and central Turkey. These victories employed Roman soldiers and senators and offered welcome distractions to the city’s poor. When Augustus wasn’t staging chariot races or gladiator shows, he displayed exotic animals, the quarry of Rome’s far-flung empire. A rhinoceros appeared in the arena, Asian tigers in the theatre and a giant serpent in the forum.
Karl Galinsky:
“One key constituency for Augustus was the plebeian population of Rome, and that is basically the city mob. You have several hundred thousand folks here who have no jobs, and to put it very simply, who need to be kept off the streets, and kept from making trouble, because it’s a very volatile, combustible mixture.” The volatile mix that made up Rome stayed quiet for the first four years of Augustus’ rule. Then, in 23 BC, events took a critical turn. Cassius Dio writes that a series of disasters convinced the people that Augustus needed not less power, but more. “The city was flooded by the over flowing river and many things were struck by lightning. Then a plague passed through Italy and no one could work the land. The Romans thought these misfortunes were caused because Augustus had relinquished his office. They wished to appoint him dictator. A mob barricaded the Senate inside its building and threatening to burn them alive, forced the Senate to vote Augustus absolute ruler.” The demands threatened to unsettle the emperor’s precarious political balance. Augustus fell to his knees before the riders. He tore his toga and beat his chest. He promised the mob that he would personally take control of the grain supply. But Augustus refused to be called a dictator. The crowd disbanded, but the lesson was clear. Augustus was riding a tiger. To keep order on the frontiers, the streets and the Senate was a super human task. Super human skills were needed. Luckily for Rome, Augustus had them. Karl Galinsky:
“Then something very fortuitous happens: Halley’s Comet shows up and the word is given out by Augustus that this is the soul of Julius Caesar ascending into heaven. So from this point on he is called Julius Caesar the divine. Politically it became very potent, because what does Augustus do at this point? On all his coinage on all his writings, on all his symbols, whatever, he puts on the words “DF”, meaning Son of the Divine. And it’s really quite an asset in politics to be the Son of the Divine. There are modern politicians I think would be very jealous of being able to do that.”
Augustus enhanced his pious new identity with stories of his lean habits. It was said that he slept in a modest house, and slept on a low bed, that he ate common foods, coarse bread, common cheese, and sometimes, even less.
Augustus:
“My dear Tiberius, not even a Jew observes a fast as diligently on the Sabbath as I have today. I ate nothing until the early hours of evening when I nibbled two bites before my rub down.”
Moral change, Augustus began to argue, was the enemy of Rome. He believed that its future ran through its past, through the restoration of the values he thought had first made Rome great. Augustus:
“I renewed many traditions which were fading in our age. I restored eighty-two temples of the gods, neglecting none that required repair at the time.” In public, Augustus led by example. He sacrificed animals in traditional rituals and he re-established traditional social rules. New laws assigned theatre seats by social rank. Women were confined to the back rows. Adultery was outlawed; marriage and children were encouraged. To many, Roman society had recovered its true course. The son of a god was building an empire for the ages. Augustus:
“Who can find words to adequately describe the advancements of these years? Authority has been returned to the government, majesty to the Senate, and influence to the courts. Protests in the theatre have been stopped, integrity is honored, depravity is punished.” But amid the applause, there were also cries of protest. The emperor’s new traditional values rankled friends and enemies alike. It even rankled his own daughter, Julia. Long a pawn of family politics, Julia assumed that she was exempt from her father’s stringent views. She was wrong. And in the coming years, Augustus, son of a god, would have to confront Augustus the father.
“If there is anyone here who is a novice in the art of love, let him read my book. With study, he will love like a professional.” As the emperor, Augustus firmly charted a course of moral rigor. The poet Ovid staked out different ground. He was now Rome’s most famous living poet, and his boldness grew in step with his reputation. Having all but exhausted the conventions of love poetry, he decided to stretch them. He began composing a manual of practical tips on adultery.
Ovid writes:
“Step one - stroll under a shady colonnade. Don’t miss the shrine of Adonis, but the theatre is your best hunting ground. There you will find women to satisfy any desire, just as ants come and go, so the cultured ladies swarm to the games. They come for the show - and to make a show of themselves. There are so many I often reel from the choice.” Many Romans yearned to follow their emperor back to the good old days of stern Roman virtue. But others reveled in the promises of Rome’s newfound peace. Ovid was one of them. To the youthful poet, old limits seemed meaningless. “Do not doubt you can have any girl you wish. Some give in, others resist but all love to be propositioned. And even if you fail, rejection doesn’t hurt. Why should you fail? Women always welcome pleasure and find novelty exciting.” Indeed, the earlier civil wars had unleashed enormous social change. Some women had gained political clout, new rights, and new freedoms. Tradition holds that one such woman was Julia, the emperor’s only child.
“Julia had a love of letters and was well educated - a given in that family. She also had a gentle nature and no cruel intentions. Together these brought her great esteem as a woman.”
Julia didn’t reject traditional values wholesale. She had long endured her father’s overbearing control. She dutifully married three times to further his dynastic ambitions, and she bore five children. Her two boys, Guyus and Luccius were cherished by Augustus as probable heirs. But like Ovid, Julia expected more from the peace. She was clever and vivacious, and she had an irreverent tongue that cut across the grain of Roman convention. Her legendary wit was passed through the centuries by a late Roman writer called Macrobius.
Macrobius writes:
“Several times her father ordered her in a manner both doting and scolding to moderate her lavish clothes and keep less mischievous company. Once he saw her in a revealing dress. He disapproved but held his tongue. The next day, in a different dress, she embraced her father with modesty. He could not contain his joy and said, ‘Now isn’t this dress more suited to the daughter of Augustus?’ Julia retorted, ‘Today I am dressed for my father’s eyes. Yesterday I dressed for my husband.’
But apparently Julia’s charms were not reserved for her husband alone. The emperor’s daughter took many lovers.
Judith Hallet:
“Her dalliances were so well known that people were actually surprised when her children resembled her second husband, who was the father of her five children. She wittily replied, “Well that’s because I never take on a passenger unless I already have a full cargo.” The meaning here is that she waited until she was already pregnant before undertaking these dalliances, so concerned was she to protect the bloodlines of these offspring.“
Julia, like Ovid, was a testament to her times. But neither of them were average Romans. The life they represented shocked traditional society to the core. And as Julia entered her thirty-eighth year, crisis loom
"In that year, a scandal broke out in the emperor’s own home. It was shameful to discuss, horrible to remember
One Roman soldier voiced deep revulsion at Julia’s extraordinary self-indulgence. "Julia, ignoring her father Augustus, did everything which is shameful for a woman to do, whether through extravagance or lust. She counted her sins as though counting her blessings, and asserted her freedom to ignore the laws of decency.” Julia’s behavior erupted into a full-blown political crisis, which was marked by over-blown claims. The emperor’s daughter was rumored to hold nightly revels in Rome’s public square. She was said to barter sexual favors from the podium where her father addressed the people. When the gossip reached Augustus, the emperor flew into a violent rage. He refused to see visitors. Upon emerging, Suetonius reports, he publicly denounced his only child. “He wrote a letter, advising the Senate of her misbehavior, but was absent when it was read. He secluded himself out of shame, and even considered a death sentence for his daughter. He grew more obstinate, when the Roman people came to him several times, begging for her sake. He cursed the crowd that they should have such daughters and such wives.” As a father, Augustus could not abide Julia’s behavior. As an emperor, he could not tolerate the embarrassment. Augustus banished Julia for the rest of her life. “I was going to pass over the ways a clever girl might elude a husband or a watchful guard. But since you need help - here is my advice.” Soon after Julia’s exile, Ovid released his salacious poem. It couldn’t have been more poorly timed. “Of course a guard stands in your way, but you can still write. Compose love letters while alone in the bathroom and send them out with an accomplice. She can hide them next to her warm flesh, under her breasts or bound beneath her foot. Should your guard get wind of these schemes, she can offer her skin for paper and carry out notes written on her body.” Ovid’s poetry extolled behavior for which the emperor’s daughter was banished. Her fate loomed large as a warning. For the present, the emperor remained mute towards Rome’s most gifted rebel. Ovid turned his hand to less provocative forms of poetry. He remarried, and he embraced a new appreciation for discretion.
“Enjoy forbidden pleasures in their place. But when you dress, don’t forget your mask of decorum. An innocent face hides more than a lying tongue.” Ovid was on notice. The order of Augustus had firm bounds of propriety and Ovid had tested them to the fullest. “Now consider the dangers of night. Tiles fall from the rooftop and crack you on the head. And the drunken hooligan, spoiling for a fight, cannot rest without a brawl. What can you do when a raving madman confronts you? Or tenants throw their broken pots out the window? You’re courting disaster if you go to dinner before writing your will.” At the turn of the first century, the poet Juvenal, was writing verses, which exposed much of Rome to scorn. He was acerbic and had a keen eye for the gritty realities of urban life. Juvenal writes:
“Our apartment block is a tottering ruin. The building manager props it up with slender poles and plasters over the gaping cracks. Then he bids us sleep safe and sound in his wretched death trap.” Ronald Mellor, Professor of History, UCLA:
I don’t think our notion of Rome bears much relation to the Rome of every day life. Because what is left today are the big public buildings, not the squalid hovels without plumbing and sanitary conditions that ordinary people lived in. That’s precisely the reason members of the elite preferred to withdraw up into the hills, and to have their villas up on the hills, a little bit away from the noise and away from the stench and away from that incredible hoard of people pressing close together. Juvenal writes:
“I would love to live where there are no fears, in the dark of night. Even now, I smell fire and hear a neighbor cry out for water as he struggles to save his measly belongings. Smoke pours out from the third story as flames move upwards, but the poor wretch who lives at the top with the leaking roof and roosting birds, is oblivious to the danger, and sure to burn.” In the year 4, in the imperial palace, the emperor, Augustus also lost sleep, but not from fear of fire. Now an old man of sixty-six, Augustus has lost much of his youthful vigor. “His vision had faded in his left eye, his teeth were few, widely spaced and worn down, his hair wispy and yellowed. His skin was irritated by scratching and vehement scraping, so that he had chronic rough spots, resembling ring worm.” As the emperor neared death, plots to succeed him sprouted. His grandsons and intended heirs had both died, unexpectedly. And the emperor himself lived under constant threat of assassination. Speaking for Augustus, one ancient historian voiced his dilemma: “Whereas solitude is dreadful,” he wrote, “company is also dreadful - the very men who protect us are most terrifying.” Andrew Wallace-Hadrill, Director, British School, Rome:
“In many ways, Augustus looked so solid, and what he created looked so solid you forget the fragility. I think contemporaries were very aware of that fragility. And surely Augustus was, he was - over anxious, in a sense, to provide a secure system after he’d gone.”
At this time, there were unusually strong earthquakes. The Tiber pulled down the bridge and flooded the city for seven days. There was a partial eclipse of the sun, and famine developed. Ancient historians report that natural disasters predicted political ones. In the year 6, soldiers, the backbone of the empire, refused to re-enlist without a pay rise. New funds had to be found. Then, fire swept parts of the capital. A reluctant Augustus turned to taxation. It was a dangerous tactic, and the emperor knew it. Fearing a coup, Augustus dispersed potential enemies. He recessed the courts and disbanded the Senate. He even dismissed his own retinue - Rome remained on edge.
“The mob, distressed by the famine of the taxes after the fire… openly discussed rebellion. When night fell, they hung seditious posters.” The crisis passed. But soon a new and even greater disaster battered the aging Augustus. It began in Germany, a land of fiercely independent tribes, and to the Roman eye, rugged barbarism. The region had been recently conquered, and Roman customs were taking root - or so they thought. “The barbarians had not forgotten their ancient traditions, their free way of life or the power of arms. But, as long as they were assimilated slowly, they did not realize they were changing, and did not resist Roman influence.” That peaceful evolution stopped, however, in the year 9. The year an arrogant young General named Quinctilius Varus became commander of the Rhine army, and brought an iron fist to the province. “He forced more drastic change on the barbarians, and exacted money as if they were his subjects.” Varus disastrously miscalculated the extent of Roman control, and misjudged German compliance. A trusted German chieftain organized a full-scale revolt, and lured Varus’ troops into a trap, deep in unfamiliar terrain. “The mountains were rocky and covered with ravines. The trees were dense and tall so that the Romans were struggling to make progress. Rain began to fall in sheets. The heavy wind scattered their numbers. The ground became slippery around the tree trunks and leaves. While the Romans were dealing with these troubles, the barbarians surrounded them, suddenly coming from everywhere. First, they came from afar. Then, since no one was fighting back and many were wounded, the barbarians came ever closer, and the Romans were unable to retaliate. They kept crashing into each other…They could not grip their arrows or javelins. The rain forced their weapons from their hands. Even their sodden shields were useless. And so every man and every horse was slaughtered.” Three legions were massacred - a tenth of Rome’s army. Augustus, his biographer reports, was traumatized. “They say he was so disturbed, that for several months, he let his hair and beard grow, and would sometimes bash his head on doors and cry out 'Quntillius Varus, give me back my legions.’” The disaster in Germany underscored a stark reality. The empire was born of violence, and to violence, it ever threatened to return. The emperor was in no mood for leniency. “Believe me, love’s climax of pleasure should not be rushed, but savored. But when you reach those places a woman loves to have touched, don’t let shame get in the way, don’t back off. You’ll see her eyes shine with a trembling light, as when the sun glitters on rippling water. She’ll moan and murmur sweet words just right for the game. But don’t outpace your mistress, or let her leave you in the dust. Rush to the finish line in unison. When man and woman collapse together, they both win. That’s the greatest prize.” Ovid’s sizzling words gripped Rome when they were first published. But a decade later, they would return to haunt him. For the patience of the emperor Augustus has reached its lowest point. Beleaguered, he saw plots in every corner, anarchy in every act of disobedience. Blaming the subversive book, Augustus banished Ovid from Rome. “Hello. Are you there? If so, indulge these verses of mine. They don’t come from my garden, or from that old couch I used to sprawl on. Whoever you are and in whatever parlor or bedroom or study, I have been writing on decks, propped up against bulkheads.” The poet was sent to an untamed backwater on the edges of the empire, on the shores of the black sea. For Ovid, the ultimate urban sophisticate, no punishment could have been harsher. His roguish aplomb crumbled to anguish. “When night falls here, I think of that other night when I was cast out into the endless gloom. We managed to laugh, once or twice, when my wife found, in some old trunk, odd pieces of clothing. This might be the thing this season, the new Romanian mode. And just as abruptly, our peal of laughter would catch, and tear into tears. And we
held each other. My wife sobbed at the hearth. What could I say? I took the first step with which all journeys begin, but could not take the second. I was barely able to breathe. I set forth again. Behind me, she fell, rolling, onto the floor, her hair swept onto the hearth, stirring up the dust and ashes. I heard her call my name. I thought I had survived the worst - what could be worst? But my wife arose, pursued me, held on to me weeping. Servants pulled her away. Whatever worth there was in me died there.”
Ovid was sure his talents would bring him home. He wrote constantly. And as he waited, he sought refuge in a remote frontier town. When the temperatures dropped, Ovid wrote, the wine froze in its vessels, the river in its banks. Across the ice thundered hostile horsemen, plundering and killing. It was a brutal life. Ovid wrote home from exile, a side of the empire that few Romans ever saw. “Beyond these rickety walls there’s no safety. And inside it’s hardly better. Barbarians live in most of the houses - even if you’re not afraid of them you’ll despise their long hair and clothes made of animal skins. They all do business in their common language. I have to communicate with gestures. I am understood by no one, and the stupid peasants insult my Latin words. They heckle me to my face, and mock my exile.” Writing for this audience, Ovid complained, was like “dancing in the dark.” As the years passed, Ovid shrivelled into a bony old man. He fell ill. Contrition replaced his former bravado. “Oh, I repent I repent. If anyone as wretched as I can be believed, I do repent. I am tortured by my deed.” Ovid, however, never got an answer to his pleas. And would never get a reprieve. As he approached death, he became sadly resigned to his fate. “Look at me. I yearn for my country, my home, and for you. I have lost everything that I once had. But I still have my talent. Emperors have no jurisdiction over that. My fame will survive, even after I am gone. And as long as Rome dominates the world, I will be read.” Nine years into his exile, Ovid died. He outlived Augustus, but he had bent to the emperor’s will. At the start of the emperor’s public life, Augustus had won the wars engulfing Rome. By the end, he had won the peace, and men like Ovid paid the price. In the years ahead, when lesser men would rule Rome, that price would rise higher still. “Oh Jupiter and Mars and all gods that raise the Roman Empire to ruler of the world, I invoke you and I pray - guard this prosperity, this peace, now and into the future.” In the year 14, prayers such as these were heard around the vast dominion ruled by Rome. For in that year, the empire stood at a precipice. The emperor Augustus had died. Augustus had been a towering figure. He had extinguished a century of civil war. He presided over forty years of internal peace and prosperity. He forged the vision and power that cemented the empire together. But the peace of Augustus came at a price. By the end of his life, Augustus had eclipsed the Senate, ruled as a monarch, and founded a dynasty that was fraught with troubles. His heirs, Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius - these men would lead Rome through years of political terror, imperial madness, assassination - and through the distant founding of a new religion that would one day engulf the empire itself. The years to come would be years of trial - testing the endurance of subjects and citizens, soldiers, and slaves. The men and women of the Roman Empire in the first century.
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