#and he hasn’t developed the film yet but I wanted to be able to share the photos when he does

[oddityeffigy]

Not being out this pride month is kinda killing me inside

[msotherworldly]

Characters Arcs

When writing a story, whether it be a novel or an epic film, it’s important to have subplots. While all stories should have, in addition to the main plot, something called a “B Plot,” C plots, D plots, and E plots should play a role too. Smaller plots wouldn’t change the entirety of the plot if removed...but when included, they can enhance the main plot, deepening it, and providing a greater meaning to the overall story.

While it isn’t always the case, the B Plot is often the “romance” of a story. While the hero is trying to defeat the bad guy, he develops a friendship or rivalry with a companion, before ultimately falling in love. Of course, romantic or platonic, the best sub plots explore the characters in relation to one another.

These character arcs - the changes to not only the characters themselves, but the evolution of their connection to others - give readers a reason to root for not only your hero, but the whole cast.

The film which exemplifies this point well is the first Lord of the Rings. While the groundwork for these characters, and their relationships, are laid in the book, I will be focusing on the movie version. When adapting Tolkien’s story, Peter Jackson knew the characters had to be more than names on a page. In order to foster a connection between the audience and each member of the fellowship, bonds were strengthened, or even invented, between the various members.

Merry and Pippin & Boromir

The bond between Merry and Pippin is solid in the books, but little is known about Boromir - beyond knowing he’s Denethor’s son, and a future steward of Gondor who attempts to steal the ring from Frodo, there is little else. In the books, he is a tragic figure and a lesson in how destructive the craving for power can be.

In the films, though, he becomes a friend to Merry and Pippin. He teaches them how to fight, and laughs when the two hobbits doggy pile him. It’s only one scene, but it gives us a relationship. When Boromir is later overwhelmed by orcs, it isn’t as punishment for his actions - instead, he redeems himself. He races to the defense of Merry and Pippin, giving his life for them. His death is that much more tragic because of his connection with the two. When they see him fall, he isn’t just their companion - he’s a good friend, who once laughed with them and ultimately died for them.

Aragorn & Boromir

Boromir also has a connection with Aragorn. The sub plot between the pair, which focuses on Aragorn’s mistrust in Gondor and Boromir’s belief in Gondor, is set up before the Merry and Pippin arc, beginning when Boromir drops the fragments of Isildur’s sword to the ground. His comment that these shards are no more than the remains of a broken sword underscores his lack of faith in Gondor needing a king - a point of tension between him, and the man who could be king if he cared to. 

Boromir is an idealist, seeing the best in Gondor and loving it to an almost blind degree. Aragorn, by contrast, seems to care more for the elves than his “own” people. He leads the party towards Lothlorion, home of the elves, but makes a point of avoiding Gondor. He seems to hate Gondor, connecting it with the failure of his ancestor, Isildur; like Aragorn’s antecedent, Gondor is weak. When Aragorn refers to Gondor, he calls it “your city,” to Boromir, rather than theirs.

Following the capture of Merry and Pippin, and the seeming conclusion of their arc, Aragorn swoops in to fight off Boromir’s assailants. Though Aragorn wins, Boromir is fatally wounded. He dies, but not before regarding Aragorn with the respect he would to a king. Aragorn, in turn, seems to have hope for Gondor, promising to do what he can for their people. 

This arc enhances Aragorn’s own character arc in accepting not only Gondor, but his role as it’s king. Boromir is a metaphor and embodiment of Gondor, and Aragorn’s feelings towards him are actually the feelings Aragorn has towards Gondor itself. His relationship with Boromir allows him to verbalize his inner conflict about his homeland, and who he is. In the end, he accepts Boromir as his fellow - along with accepting the city as his. 

He hasn’t accepted his role as king yet, but Boromir’s relationship with him has set him in the right direction.

Gimli & Legolas

Though the relationship between Gimli and Legolas has little effect on the main plot, it adds both humour and character development to the story. Initially, being a dwarf and an elf, the pair are resentful towards one another. Gimli more or less joins the fellowship to one up Legolas, and the two aren’t above making snide remarks towards one another. 

After Gimli’s own experience in Lothlorion, though, when the dwarf realizes that elves can be both kind and beautiful, the dwarf is able to soften towards his companion. Their enmity transitions into a rivalry - they aren’t friends, but they make battles fun by beginning a competition where they try to kill more orcs than the other. As they fight in more battles together, and swap kill numbers at the end of each fight, they develop an actual friendship (in the extended edition of the third film, they even end up drinking together). Their relationship is light hearted, but it adds depth to the story, and makes the audience want to root for the pair.

Both characters are enjoyable on their own, but together they are that much easier to love.

Frodo & Sam

In the books, Sam is Frodo’s gardener and servant. In the movies, he is Frodo’s best friend. While there is still a master and servant relationship between the two, with Sam addressing his friend as “Mr. Frodo,” the term comes to feel more habitual than formal. At the start of the film, the hobbits share drinks. Frodo pushes Sam into his crush, Rosie, and gives Sam assurance when he’s fretting over the competition he has for her affections. 

When Sam eavesdrops on the conversation between Frodo and Gandalf, the wizard decides Sam will pay for his listening in by accompanying Frodo to Bree. On their journey, Sam panics at one point when he thinks he’s lost Frodo. He explains that Gandalf made him promise he wouldn’t “lose” Frodo. 

Even when he’s no longer obligated to follow, Sam insists on joining the fellowship. Elrond notes there is no separating them, secret meeting or not. Later, towards the end of the story, Sam tries to comfort Frodo, citing his promise to look after his master. When the fellowship splits, Sam chases after Frodo. Frodo can go alone, but Sam is coming with him. He repeats the line that is the crux of his bond: he made a promise to Gandalf not to lose Frodo, and he’s going to keep it.

Sam stays with Frodo to the end, even coming back after being sent away at best (and betrayed at worst) by his master in the final movie. While their bond is implicit, the repeated promise, and the ups and downs their relationship takes, adds another layer to the story. Destroying the ring is challenging - not only because of it’s effect on Frodo’s health, but because of how it tests his friendship with someone who proves to be more loyal than most. 

The bond Frodo has with Sam is also integral to the plot. After all, if it weren’t for Sam, Frodo would have been killed. With such a role, Sam needed to be more than a dedicated servant. He needed to be a loyal friend, capable of being tested and still willing to fight for their friendship.

In Conclusion

The set up of these sub plots allows the rest of the movies to be deeper too. While it goes without saying that establishing a connection between Frodo and Sam would improve their shared story arc, other sub plots are revived. 

The connection Boromir shares with Merry and Pippin, for example, becomes integral to Pippin’s own arc. With Merry removed from his side, Pippin is then influenced by none other than Boromir, when guilt over his death pushes Pippin to pledge himself to the service of Boromir’s father, Denethor. 

Gimli and Legolas go on to have journeys together, and start another body count contest in the third film (where an elephant “still only counts as one” when Legolas dispatches it).

New sub plots are also introduced, such as the bitterness between Faramir and Denethor, but most of the plots are established in the first movie. The relationships between characters make the story matter, and carry it through; the groundwork laid by these bonds even sparks new storylines. Even after his death, Boromir’s relationship with Pippin influences his actions. 

[finalheaven]

Hi guys here’s Sakurai’s interview from the Ultimania Material. It took a while to edit the translations and post because of Cloti Fall Festival, but here it is! 😊

Sakurai continues to be king. You can really tell how big of a fan he is not only of Cloud, but of FF7 in general. Oh and his favorite lines including conversations with Tifa? You love to see it!

More behind the cut~

Q: Please share your reaction when you first heard that FFVII Remake would be made.

A: In 2005, I went to Venice for the international film festival for FFVII Advent Children, and the topic of doing a FF7 remake came up during a break when I had a meal with Nomura and others. I remember at the time how they’d “like to make it a reality someday,” and I was unseemingly thrilled when they said “finally the time has come.”

Q: How did you feel when you knew that the development of Remake’s story would be a little different from the original FF7 and FF7: Crisis Core?

A: Honestly, I was surprised. I got input on what changes they were making little by little as I recorded, but they were not just making the game beautiful with current technology, but reworking the game’s world to be reborn… I remember getting chills when I understood the meaning of “REMAKE.”

Q: What kind of performance plan did you have in mind for playing Cloud in this FFVII?

A: Just about all FF related titles were made with the instruction and direction by director Nomura and sound producer Shimizu. This time I also had the stance of “understand the general story and the rest will be at recording”. Cloud was made by many people and I devoted myself in expressing that.

Q: The development staff had the intention of “wanting to show an uncool Cloud in Remake”, so what did you keep in mind for that?

A: FFVII released in 1997 was text based, but I had the impression that Cloud acted cocky and young in the opening (laughs). Even in the Remake, I believe that his unstableness was thoroughly expressed. Him feeling “uncool” is up to the discretion of the player, so I’d be happy if they could see that as a human touch... Even uncool Cloud is meaningful, and quite nice.

Q: What kind of impression did you get from Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie, who are more realistic than in the original and voiced for the first time?

A: Sure enough, the presence of these three was big. They’re a part that I, who experienced the original FFVII in real time, strongly felt once again in the Remake. The characters stood out visually and were very appealing. When looking at them from Cloud’s perspective, his attachment to them is extraordinary.

Q: Among all the repeated “Cloud is frightened by Sephiroth scenes” in the Remake, which one was the most impressionable?

A: All the scenes with Sephiroth were terrifying, but the most impressionable was the Lifestream. I was surprised he showed up there. Players that know the progression of the original FFVII were no doubt taken aback. Suddenly an unknown FFVII is shown on the screen and leaves my eyes wide open. Is it a new future, or…

Q: Please share what kind of things you kept in mind during the scenes in the flower field where Cloud could talk with Aerith, Tifa, or Barret on the night before rescuing Aerith from Shinra.

A: This “variables that change who he talks to [that night]” aspect is one of the real charms of the Remake. I don’t remember the details when recording, but I was vigilant for Barret’s scene. Kobayashi’s Barret flies far beyond my imagination in a different direction than I expected, so there were many times when I would get caught up with that enjoyment and end up having Cloud’s character be off… I believe that this destructive force came out from Kobayashi’s unique potential. It’s not fair that he hums the victory fanfare melody (laughs).

Q: What kind of performance instruction was there for your rapid line of, “I don’t need your feedback, there was no other way,” when Tifa notices crossdressed Cloud? 

A: I was ready for it (laughs). Those are words prepared when assuming a situation he couldn’t avoid. He's frustrated and resentful, embarrassed, and he’s talking to Tifa; that line is a result of mixing various emotions.

Q: When Cloud got a hand massage, that was an unimaginable reaction from his usual self, but what were you careful of when recording that scene?

A: For that scene at the massage parlor, I tried to see how far they would permit an aggressive performance. I recorded around 3 different recordings and did not know which one they would use. That’s how amazing Madam M’s technique was… how about it (laughs).

Q: What is your most memorable Cloud line in the Remake?

A: That’d be “not interested”. That’s all.

Q: Were there any lines and scenes from the original game that you especially wanted to act out?

A: This would also be “not interested”. Other than that, there were many conversations with Tifa, but it was fun to have Cloud make slightly out of place comments. Scenes where he’s messed with by Avalanche were also enjoyable.

Q: Please share if you have any unforgettable memories while recording.

A: I was very excited to see the game footage while recording, even if it wasn’t finished yet. I was like, “Awesome!!” But I’d be embarrassed to expose that to the staff, so I played it cool.

Q: After the Remake, has your impression regarding Cloud changed?

A: It hasn’t. Experiencing a massive scenario has actually deepened my understanding better. I was able to update myself a little bit with Cloud’s input.

Q: What do you think makes Cloud so appealing?

A: Sure enough, Cloud’s cool! His appeal has increased in the Remake. I believe that being able to see his slightly off, quite human side from his existing image is a plus for him.

Q: Please share your expectations and enthusiasm for upcoming Remake projects.

A: I’m always ready to go! I could go right now! I can’t imagine what happens next so I’m a little scared, but even so I want to know what happens! And I want to play it as soon as possible! I’m really looking forward to the Gold Saucer. I’m eagerly waiting for it!!

Q: Please give a message to fans of the FFVII series.

A: I’m happy to be able to participate in a historical work as an actor, but my happiness as a fan wins over. I have also been waiting for this time like all of you. We just have to wait for the next one. Let’s share the joyful moments that will eventually come!

Notes:

Translated by tsubomi from FH

Edited by lockharts from FH

HQ scans provided by mayaaris from FH

Follow @finalheaven​ and @bestofcloti on Twitter for more content.

[adrinoir]

Adrienette is....interesting

Ohhh boy. Here is my last analysis for the love square ships!

I hate to say Adrienette is my least favorite in the square - but it is. It’s ironic that I’m ranking them in the first place considering it is two of the same people for all 4 ships.

I feel like there is SO much to unpack with this. So let’s get into it.

How it got started

Marinette stupidly thought Adrien wasn’t a good guy at first. Chloe’s friend = bully. There was that miscommunication of Adrien taking the gum off of Marinette’s seat, but she thought he was putting it ON the seat.

Then the classic umbrella scene happens after Nino pushes Adrien to talk to Marinette.

Master Fu creepily watches them from afar and is like These two are made for each other.

It’s cute and wholesome because Adrien giggles at her and is so happy he finally has a new friend.

“She’s just a friend”

Shut up, Mr. Adrien “she’s just a friend” Agreste.

Thomas ass truck obviously likes to annoy the fandom here and there and one of the most annoying things is HOW MANY times Adrien feels the need to confirm aloud that Marinette is just a friend.

Despite the amount of times Adrien says this, there’s a good chance that he doesn’t realize he has feelings for Marinette since he’s so wrapped up in his infatuation for Ladybug.

Adrien hasn’t had too many friends but I like to think either he’s not clueless enough or not on the aromantic spectrum to not know the line between friends and lovers. Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit and he IS super oblivious.

It’s clearly in Adrien’s personality to be caring of others, very much so of his friends. However, he seems to just randomly really care a lot about Marinette even though they aren’t really super close friends. He also does things that cross the line into being more so romantic, and that’s why he likes her as more than a friend.

He has slow danced with her TWICE now, and not awkwardly as if she’s “just a friend.” Very tightly and romantically.

He cuddled with her on the train when she was sleepy when he easily could’ve just pushed her away.

He smiled a lot when she thanked him and kissed him for calling her “their everyday ladybug”.

He STARES at her very longingly.

He was willing to kiss Marinette for Nino’s short film (but not even Chloe).

He compliments her a lot, he can be overprotective of her, he’s willing to help her when she needs it, he’s asked HER for advice, he’s silly and has playfully teased her on multiple occasions.

In the Oblivio episode, he didn’t even REMEMBER who Marinette was but assumed she was his girlfriend. And he realized a bunch of reasons WHY he loved her when they spent time alone in the tower together. To not even know her and realize he loved her just says it all.

In Chat Blanc, there was the timeline when he actually DATED Marinette. Like I said in my Ladrien analysis, we could speculate a couple different things, but it is certainly possible that he DID realize he has liked her all this time.

And truthfully, we know how he treats her as Cat Noir, which is very telling - the flirting, how he carries her to a safe place when she’s close to an akumatized villain, how he confides in her.

I know I’ve said it in two of my analysis posts already, but it works here too - Adrien cares enough to ask Marinette how she feels about Cat Noir. He wants to know if she likes him for his true self.

There’s definitely even more signs than what I listed but even what I wrote is a long list (and it’s just moments I remembered all off the top of my head!) Adrien is just so sweet to her and I love it.

Thomas has made Marinette too creepy

You don’t even have to watch the show to know Marinette is hardcore crushing on Adrien. Similar to Adrien/Cat Noir’s feelings for Ladybug, she’s infatuated with him and doesn’t know about Adrien’s raw personality (well, knows it but thinks Cat Noir is a completely different person.)

The show centers a lot around Marinette’s crush on Adrien and it is obsessive.

In the first season, I thought Marinette was weird for having his whole schedule, having pics of him in her room, and stealing his phone, but I still liked her character. However, Thomas has made Marinette progressively more and more obsessed with Adrien in the unhealthiest ways possible.

She has reached full-on stalker level behavior at this point in the series. The one I think of is when she went as far to stack up trash cans to get over the fence to Adrien’s house when Lila was there, and then crying to the firefighter nearby when she couldn’t get in. Or, when she revealed that she has an ENTIRE chest filled with presents she made for Adrien for like the next 50 years. Or, when she tried kissing the “statue” of him. It’s gone too far.

I mean, I HOPE Thomas Astruc doesn’t think this is normal behavior. I’d like to believe he’s just writing it to exaggerate Marinette’s feelings for Adrien and make it more ridiculously silly for the kid portion of his audience. But it’s hard to say for sure. No matter what, it still shouldn’t be in the show because it could be normalizing this behavior for the younger kids, and I know for a fact it’s just making the teenage/adult audience feel uncomfortable and cringy.

Will Marinette make good progress?

Well, possibly. The show has had its share of issues with continuity in character development, but to be fair, in some ways we have seen Marinette progress.

Despite still being awkward at times, she’s able to have more conversations with Adrien without stumbling over her words. Where as before, she could barely get a proper sentence out.

She’s also kissed Adrien on the cheek and given him notes and gifts (even though they aren’t signed except the one that was Master Fu’s stool prescription).

And - even though Marinette was acting a bit over the top about it - she at least made a little bit of effort to see if she could drop her feelings for Adrien. Naturally, she couldn’t. It can be difficult to get over romantic feelings for someone, especially if they’re a friend you interact with a lot.

Additionally, Alya deserves a lot of credit for creating situations for Marinette to talk to Adrien and literally pushing the two of them together. I could name the things she did but she does this in just about every other episode. Even though the success rate hasn’t been fantastic, Alya is still the real MVP for helping Marinette (and just putting up with her in general.) There’s a lot of things that wouldn’t have happened without that extra push from Alya.

But, for Marinette to make better progress with Adrien, she needs to learn to stop being so weirdly obsessive and jealous, and to just go for it. Take the risk and confess to Adrien. Tikki has told her “there will never be a right time!”

It has been 3 full seasons and Marinette still has yet to confess to Adrien. Ugh.

And, just my own feelings, but Marinette should start to grow an attraction for Cat Noir’s personality as well, seeing as how it’s Adrien’s true self. Because, as of right now, she’s liking him based off of his timid, more model-like facade and not his silly, charming self.

Or, she also has the option to date Luka, same with Adrien and Kagami. However, both of them can’t decide on the right thing to do and just kinda lead Luka and Kagami a bit. So decisions need to be made to progress, too.

Will Adrien make good progress?

When he sorts out his feelings and understands how he feels about Marinette, yes.

Adrien’s not really creepy or jealous, he just seems like the type of person who acts on how he feels but doesn’t pick up on it.

He hasn’t done anything to hurt Marinette and would never intend to. It hurts Marinette that he MIGHT like Kagami, but he’s obviously not intentionally doing it to make her jealous (even HE is unsure of his relationship with Kagami.)

Like I said, the boy just needs to figure it out. Then things could start to move forward.

Final Thoughts:

1. Adrien has feelings for Marinette (but can’t recognize it), Marinette likes him but is too scared to say anything - they both just need to sort their feelings out in a healthy manner in order for it to work.

2. Some progress between these two is there, but it should move quicker - it’s been too many seasons of Marinette having failed attempts to confess.

3. The ship will be more wholesome when they DO sort their feelings out, and Marinette becomes less obsessive and jealous, and likes Adrien’s true personality.

If you read this analysis, if you’ve read my others, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed them! I had a really great time writing them all.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

We best love: Fighting Mr.2nd episode 2 - analysis

I think we all agree that this episode was very intense and different from the rest. They both showed vulnerability, desperation and the pain of a deep heartbreak that let them both suffer for all these five years. Nothing in this episode was potrayed as something happy or positive. Every scene consisted of hidden pain and despair and these two emotions define the second season of We best love. It's not as lighthearted any more, rather about two people filled with loneliness and self-hatred. This turn of events makes it so special and unique because both Shu Yi and Shi De are at their lowest point and the worst versions of themselves.

Anyway, after the intro, the episode started right where the last one ended. The tension was rising until Shu Yi stormed out of the office and I have to say, I was a bit relieved they didn't have office sex because that would've been very out of character since they both protect what they love most and keep such intimacy private. Also, for them, I guess, sex is something they do out of love not hate, tension or for the sake of old times. Even though they didn't "do it", we see a lot of desperation on both sides. Shu Yi is desperate to know why Shi De ghosted him and suddenly seeks his attention again. He tests Shi De, wants to know if there's still some love left in him and himself. Shu Yi is not over Shi De and I guess what he felt there in the office frightens him and that's why he stormed out. Shi De is desperate to make Shu Yi forgive him and to let him know he still has the same feelings. For as Shi De knows he still loves Shu Yi but Shu Yi is not quite sure about his emotions or if Shi De is really honest and uses this confusion to back up his anger. This whole plan of betraying Shi De as coldly as Shi De betrayed him is clearly showing that Shu Yi is not okay, even though he said so last episode.

After this, we get a scene in a car when Zhe Yu warns Shu Yi. The main conflict of this season is brewing. Shu Yi will have to question if he just wants to get back at Shi De and is able to fully concentrate on this plan or if he develops feelings again but also if Shi De is trustworthy. It's again about the question if Shu Yi will fall for Shi De while Shi De is following him everywhere. As I mentioned last week, the plot of this season is basically the same but the setting and feelings are very different, so it doesn't feel like a story repeating itself.

What stroke my sight this episode because of the used filter is the color of their suits. Shi De is wearing something blue - just like in the first season - but now his clothes, and especially that suit, are in a deep blue that is not like the oceans. It is navy blue. I only know what the color blue in general means, I don't know if there's another meaning for navy blue but what I do know is that blue often represents distance and especially sadness. It can be used as a calming color, when used as light blue like Shi De wore in the first season, but now his character is just very devastated and he's not himself any more. He hasn't found his way back and is still regretting. The distance and the sadness, all expressed with the color of his suit. And Shu Yi is wearing black. Black symbolizes grief or the protection of one's emotions which is exactely what Shu Yi does. He's saying, he's over it but that's obviously not true and he's hiding his true feelings behind a mask even Bing Wei and Zhe Yu haven't fully lifted. He's hiding his true feelings behind hate and tells himself that revenge is his only motivation. In the first season, he also wore a lot of black clothes but they were mostly compined with blue or white, showing that he was slowly opening up to Shi De and now we're basically at the same spot as we were at the beginning of season one. Shu Yi is the only one who knows him and Shi De needs to find a way to make him open up again.

Moving on to the incredible cinematography this season and especially this episode. Zhe Yu and Shu Yi are talking outside on the roof and it's pretty clear that they will have a serious conversation when Zhe Yu tries to talk him out of acting like he's fine, like he and Shi De are on good terms. We know, these two will have a difficult talk, they even went outside for it. And this scene is very important because we start to understand how deep Shi De hurt Shu Yi and how much that heartbreak defines him. Shi De wasn't nice to Shu Yi because of his social status or his dad, he simply liked him for being Shu Yi (an allusion to the sentence "Because it's you"). There are three camera angles used before they start talking. First, the rooftop from far above, showing the whole scenery and the view which is mentioned by Shu Yi later. Second, Zhe Yu's face is shown and the camera blends over to Shu Yi's side profile, showing that Zhe Yu has something to say to him and that he doesn't understand Shu Yi (talking to his back). Third, a close-up of Shu Yi's face but he's still unreachable for Zhe Yu. As soon as Shu Yi turns around, he tells us his true feelings and intention and we understand much better why he's behaving like he does. The audience knows now and Zhe Yu too. Zhe Yu is basically used as a channel to the audience.

The following scene takes place in Shi De's office and again, three different camera angles are being used. This scene is very uncomfortable because Shi De - and the audience - knows now that Shu Yi only pretends and Shi De hates it when Shu Yi pretends (an allusion to the sentence "You don't have to act strong when you are sad"). It underlines once more that Shi De is the protagonist and that things are told from his perspective. Shu Yi doesn't seem to be as much in the wrong as he truly is (thinking that Shi De cheated) because Shi De only blames himself. But now Shu Yi plays a game and it's very clear that he only pretends to be cute when he walks in the office. There is a tension because they both are untrue and know it. First, they are both filmed from across the table and Shu Yi even from a position further away showing that Shi De is unable to catch a hold of him. Second, each of their faces are seen in a close-up and Shi De's typing fingers are in focus. The tension rises with Shu Yi eating and Shi De typing loudly and aggressively. Third, only their eyes are filmed and eyes are "the gate to the soul". Shi De tries to figure Shu Yi out, tries to find the truth but doesn't say anything or ask. This scene is all about the distance between them. Physically but also emotionally. They are both different people now and the aspect that they even do two different things that don't have any similarity (eating and typing), shows this distance. They are not doing things together any more. They are not a unity like they used to be.

And the sofa scene is just the outcome and explosion of all this pain. They both share the same pain even though Shu Yi would never admit that. It's filled with painful memories even though there are no flashbacks, the kisses still feel the same, the smell is the same and the touches are the same. It's the reminder of a bittersweet heartbreak and they both surrender. Shi De surrenders his pride and Shu Yi too because in this moment they are so vulnerable and feel like it could take away the pain, at least for a second. Of course, this scene is problematic and toxic. Because of all the negative emotions they both carried around for all these five years that are now bursting out of them.

Shi De has a total break-down and is at his lowest point. He is forcing Shu Yi physically, which he normally would never do. He is filled with self-hatred because he stayed back like he was told to and didn't fight for his love. He's ashamed of his behavior, now shown by him covering Shu Yi's mouth when he's asking what's going on. He's too drunk and too blinded in this moment and only wants to show his regret and frustration which leads Shu Yi to be very concerned. Shi De is so desperate that he even believes in the motto "the line between love and hate is very thin" and is too scared to just let it go. He didn't move on at all. He didn't let Shu Yi go because that would mean a loss of identity. Shu Yi is his world, he's his motivation and keeps him on track. Losing Shu Yi and letting go of him would turn him into someone he doesn't know but staying like this was also a loss of identity because this regretment made him lose his mind and hold on to something that doesn't belong to him anymore.

Shu Yi is full of hate and became an even more closeted person. The heartbreak was too much for him to deal with and he just told himself that he let go in order to feel better but as soon as he saw Shi De again, he felt that he didn't move on at all. After five years, the heartbreak cuts as deep as before. The wound is still open and even though he's surpressing it, he's just as desperate to go back to how things were as Shi De. The scene on the sofa reminds him of that. He fights it for some time but surrenders and stops thinking. Something clicked in him, made him act on his emotions. Because thinking would only make him even more confused about what he feels and surpressed for too long. For him, letting go of Shi De would also mean a loss of identity. Like Yu Xin said "he's always been there". Shi De was his motivation. Shi De saved him and was real with him. Shi De was the first one he trusted entirely and fell in love with.

They both define each other and it's hard to let go of something like that and still feel like you are yourself. What's different between them, is that Shu Yi doesn't feel as much self-hatred and is not ashamed of himself like Shi De. He just feels very lonely because there's nobody left that truly knows him.

What is interesting about their dynamic now is that the roles they play are turned around. Yet, Shi De is the one being straight foreward and Shu Yi is the one pulling back. They are both very different now but still the very same. Shu Yi still finds it hard to trust people and Shi De is still following him. On the sofa was as much vulnerability shown as on the bridge last season and if you compare those scenes you see that now Shu Yi is pulling away whilst Shi De is all out in the open. This change in character makes the hurt even more painful and the hearbreak even more real. But even though they act different now, they haven't changed a bit. All these turn of events and personal changes make sense for the characters and add even more layers to them. We best love always contained of complexe characters and the change of scenery and context adds more depth to them.

There are many parallels to the first season. The arc of the story will be, again, their love but with different context. On the way, no one is right or wrong. Shi De's behavior is the sofa scene is toxic but Shu Yi isn't in any way better. This becomes very clear when Shu Yi asks "Are you messing with me" and Shi De says "You are messing with me" which is a very obvious hint to the fact that they both lie and play a game. Shi De always played a game, leading Shu Yi to fall for him and Shu Yi was always playing a game to fight and hopefully win against Shi De. They are both too smart to not figure out what the other one is up to and they know each other too well to just keep being like this with all these unaddressed feelings.

I'm very excited for the next episode in a week. It seems like all the theories about Shu Yi's dad were true...

[ewgoals]

Face The Truth

Plot: The reader has Bipolar Disorder and takes pills to keep her in check but one day she decides to stop taking the pills and Harry notices the change in the woman he loves very much.

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of s*x and suicide attempt.

Y/N was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when she was 17, the young girl didn't understand it at all. What happened? Why did she get this and none of her siblings did? She knew something was wrong when she felt like she couldn't control small things. There were moments when she had an obscene amount of energy like she could run thousands of miles without getting tired. There were also some days where she felt like she could sleep all day like it wouldn't matter how long she slept she was beyond exhausted. When Y/N finally got the answers that made everything make more sense, she was able to finally get herself on a steady regimen of various pills. The longer she took them the better she began to feel and after a few months, she began to feel like herself again. Y/N began finally going after the career she always wanted since she was a little girl and that was a lawyer, she began applying herself to her school work more and actually managed to reverse the damage her illness caused in the beginning.

Y/N was now 23, she finally had true control of her life that was until her friend talked her into going to an audition. Y/N couldn't believe she actually got the role of a lifetime in the DC movie Batgirl, this was beyond shocking to her but she still managed to keep her composure knowing that shocking or stressful situations could trigger a manic episode. Y/N kept her so-called dirty secret to herself, never wanting to tell anyone around for fear of being judged or better yet losing her job. She didn't think that it was going to affect her work relationship, so she didn't reveal it. Y/N managed to keep her secret to herself through all of the filming as well as post-production. Y/ N didn't think her life could take a turn anymore that was until she met him.

Y/N was at the premiere of Batgirl when they actually met Y/N and didn't really know who Harry Styles was. She heard about him through High School but she was more into old 80's rock and Black Veil Brides, she was more interested in his fashion-loving how he managed to bring in old fashion from previous decades and somehow make it his own. Y/N and Harry got along pretty quickly bonding over various bands they listened too and how their views of the world blended well together effortlessly. They exchanged numbers and went on with the day, Y/N didn't think much of it but she kept the number close.

Y/N without even noticing began talking to Harry almost every day, if it wasn't through texts or calls it was facetime. Y/N didn't want to admit that slowly feelings were developing but she didn't want to get herself worked up by nothing. The woman kept her feelings close to her until Harry showed up one day at her apartment, she didn't know that he was going to show or even be in New York. Harry looked nervous as he paced for a minute, this caused the woman to get very anxious before the brown-haired man said "Listen, I've been debating saying anything because well who knows if these feelings are even shared" Y/N was watching the man confused as she smiled "Okay Harry take a deep breath, now try and tell me what you need to say" Harry listened to the calming voice of the woman and nodded.

"I think this could be the beginning of something great, I feel like I could truly learn new things from you. I mean I can see us being together, I was sitting at the piano writing a song and it was coming together beautifully and while I was sitting there it hit me. The reason it was coming together was because all I thought about was you" Y/N was shocked but she managed to keep her smile contained for the most part as Harry continued "I was trying to not ruin this because our friendship is one of the purest things I have right now" Y/N just shook her head and smiled before she finally stopped the man from rambling by kissing him softly. Harry instantly relaxed as he finally slid his hand up and cupped her face slowly melting into the kiss, Y/N pulled away slowly as she whispered "I feel the same way... I was too scared to admit that to you because I wanted this to remain how we are. You keep me on the edge of my seat with your opinion about small things." Harry smiled as he just kissed the woman again.

Y/N and Harry have been together for almost a year now, Y/N doesn't know how she managed to keep her illness hidden from Harry but she did. Y/N was currently touring with Harry due to the fact she took a few weeks off from the movie she was working on without even remembering Y/N forgot her medication at home, at first it wasn't really a big deal but then the mania started to really take over. Y/N was staying up to all hours of the night never really feeling tired, she would often just lay in bed with Harry until he fell asleep then she would leave and begin doing random things around the hotel. One night she reorganized her and Harry's bags making sure everything fit properly and was sorted to the way she liked it, Harry would often find her up walking around or doing some random thing. Y/N was enjoying the mania.

Y/N rolled off of Harry, laying down next to the man keep herself wrapped up in the sheet stretching her back out as Harry said "I know that I should be enjoying the fact that you can't get enough of me" He joked but quickly continued with "but you've been up for days I don't think I've seen you sleep" Y/N shook her head "No, I'm just fine. I swear. I think I'm just not used to the different time zones every night. It's probably just jet lag or something" Y/N knew exactly what it was but she didn't want to admit that to him. He would leave her. She knew that "are you doing meth" Y/N gasped but shaking her head as quickly as she could "No, I would never. I've just been a little preoccupied that's all." Harry just nodded before he wrapped his arms around her body as he pulled her close into his chest "Just sleep please" Y/N nodded as she buried her face into his chest for the first time in a few weeks the woman managed to finally let herself relax. This was the first day of a long month.

Y/N fell asleep keeping Harry close as possible, Harry managed to get himself out of bed at a reasonable time when he looked over he saw Y/N still asleep. Part of him worried because the girl fell asleep around 10 pm and it was now going at 10 am. Harry decided to just let the woman he cared for to relax a little bit more feeling like she needed it especially since she hasn't been sleeping at all. Harry came back to the hotel room after the show which put the time around 12 am Y/N was still sleeping "Hey, Y/N what's going on?" Y/N heard the familiar voice which caused her to finally open her eyes as she said "Nothing just tired don't worry" Harry looked around the hotel room as he raised an eyebrow "Who all came in here?" Y/N just shrugged "I think a few members of the band. They had some drinks and tried to wake me up" Harry wasn't going to lie to himself, Y/N was in a bad position and he couldn't wrap his head around what it was.

It had been a week and no matter what Harry tired he couldn't manage to get Y/N out of bed unless they had to leave the hotel room to go to the next, Y/N hadn't been eating and she really only got out of bed to use the restroom other than that her personal hygiene and just the will to do anything was completely gone, Harry truly felt like he saw the woman he fell in love with completely begin to wither away. She had begun to lose weight, her hair was oily and no matter how much she slept she couldn't make the tiredness go away. Harry truly felt powerless, he decided that it was time to force the woman out of bed at least for a shower. When Harry returned from his show that night he finally worked up enough courage to say "Y/N get out of bed. You need to take a shower, maybe that will help you feel a little better" Y/N pulled the blanket over her head for she said "Leave me alone Harry" Harry shook his head before pulling the blanket away from the woman "Get up now. I'm not taking no for an answer" Y/N didn't know what happened but she began to cry "I can't Harry. I just can't"

Harry's eyes widened a little when he saw the woman crying, he walked over to where she was still laying down as he crouched down "Hey.. what do you mean?" Y/N just closed her eyes trying to make sure that her voice didn't completely give out on her "Please don't leave. I know I'm this huge bother.... I know that I'm holding you back.. I know that you could do so much better than me but please don't leave" Harry shook his head before putting his hand on the woman's cheek trying to wipe a few of the tears as he said "I would never. Y/N I love you" That was the first time in their one year relationship where either of them said those three words. Y/N looked at the man as she shook her head trying to hold back her few tears "no you don't Harry I've been lying for a whole year" Harry raised an eyebrow horrible thoughts were running through the man's head as Y/N finally kept speaking "I'm Bipolar... I stopped taking my meds so that you wouldn't see them" Harry eyes widened before he shook his head "Y/N, you can't do that my love. I promise you that your mental health is never going to change my feelings about you. if anything this makes me love you more because of how strong you are. God I thought you were strong before but this just changes how strong I think you are now"

Y/N finally sat up for the first time in what felt like years to her boyfriend, the woman ran her hand through her hair as she closed her eyes for a moment as she spoke “I need a shower” Harry chuckled a little as the woman smiled “I don’t want to say you do because that’s rude but i think that you should” Y/N laughed which caused Harry to smiled wide, it was the first time in what felt like forever as Y/N opened her eyes once more Harry was met with those beautiful Y/E/C that he fell so in love with “I love you too” was the words that slipped out of Y/N mouth. Harry smiled before he leaned up and kissed the woman’s forehead. Y/N rested her eyes as he kissed her forehead before she finally stood which caused Harry to stand as well “I’m going to go take a shower” Y/N said as Harry nodded, the woman left Harry in the hotel as she turned on the shower.

Y/N was sitting on the closed toilet as she looked around, she felt like Harry was lying and that he was going to wait until he felt that she was so called back to normal and leave her. Y/N looked around the bathroom as she began thinking “I know that I am holding him back. I know that he is better off without me I know that he deserves more” these thoughts kept going through her head as she quickly grabbed her make up bag and began searching through thee large bag and finding her pair of scissors that she hid just in case she needed to cut the tag off of something or need of an emergency haircut. The woman quickly dug the scissors into her forearm before she registered the man to herself and let out a scream she dug the scissors into both of her arms. Y/N dropped the scissors as she fell onto the floor gasping for a moment before the door finally opened. Y/N gasped as Harry walked in dropping the bag that he carried into the bathroom

Harry dropped to his knees quickly grabbing at the woman’s wrist applying pressure “Y/N what happened? What did you do?” the woman just shook her head trying to remove herself from Harry��s but his grip was too strong “stop it love” the man quickly grabbed his phone as he called 911 Y/N started crying., Harry hung up the phone gripping onto her arms tightly not letting go like the 911 operator told him too. It didn’t take long for the paramedics to arrive at the hotel , Y/N tried closing her eyes as Harry shook his head “No, you look at me. You keep right here Y/N” Y/N opened her eyes as she looked at Harry “Please stop. Please” The paramedics quickly removed Harry from the woman and began working on her, deciding to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. Harry followed into the ambulance as he kept looking at her hands “Please don’t die”

72 hours have officially passed and even though Harry couldn’t see the woman he still stayed at the hospital, Y/N was placed back on her medication and kept under a very watchful eye. Harry was finally able to see the woman and Y/N smiled when she saw the curly haired man who looked tired and still in the same clothes “Harry” was all she whispered as Harry almost ran towards the woman he loved as he grabbed her hand “Y/N, Why?” Y/N knew she would have to talk about this sooner or later “I wasn’t thinking clearly the depression got the best of me. I’m sorry i put you through that and I can’t say that it won’t happen again because it might,even with the mood stabilizers.”

Y/N took a breath as she fought back the tears once more “One small thing could ruin years of work. I know that what I did was so stupid and I can’t take it back but all I can promise is that I will make sure that you never have to literally save my life again. I promise that if i am feeling down with my disorder I’ll open up and tell you. I won’t keep it bottled up inside of me. I will allow you to try and understand it for the better.” Harry nodded as he kissed the woman’s hand “I’ve never been so scared. I thought I lost you” Y/N felt horrible guit as she quickly hugged the man pulling him as close as she could given her serious injuries “I’m sorry I put you through this pain, If you need time I understand but I need you to know that you will always have my heart with you”

Harry shook his head as he said “No, I just need you to remember I love you. I want you and I want to help you.” Harry pulled away for a moment as he kissed the side of her head “ I canceled the last few shows, We are going back to your apartment and we are going to work through this and we are going to make sure that you feel better” Y/N smiled as he kissed him softly as she ran her hand through his hair “I love you so much Harry”

A/N: I know that you are feeling some type away because of this, I know this was hard to read and I need you to understand that I have been through this and I’ve felt this pain and I know that it’s difficult to think about. If you are like me and you struggle with Bipolar disorder please understand you aren’t alone and you have me if you need. If you want part two let me know because I have many more ideas for this also Requests are open for Harry Styles Imagines if you have any plot you want to be written. Oh! Not my gif!

[therewrites]

We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

[animezinglife]

What about Kougami then? Do you think he realizes or rather has any form of attraction to Akane? Is it the same form that akane sees it?

I think he does, but doesn’t yet realize the depth or significance of it. Or, if he’s started to at this point, it’s not something we’ve been able to see a lot of because of the way the story is framed. There’s the other side of it too where he sees her as something beyond himself--like she’s an anomaly, and something to aspire to. 

On my side blog, I’ve talked a lot about his obsessive and often self-destructive nature, and I fully believe that he would have significant reservations where Akane is concerned for that reason. On one hand, he has complete faith in her. On the other, he has a lot in himself in only the sense of completing tasks--he does not have the same faith in his own character or influence, which is something Akane corrects him on in the film during their late-night talk.

I think that film is where his attraction became pretty obvious, personally: Ko’s the kind of guy who’s going to be attracted to a woman’s mind. Her intellect, the way she thinks, stimulating conversation, and her moral code (in this case, a strong one that’s comfortable dwelling in the murky shades of gray even if her sense of integrity is clear). He’s not about the bombshell type or the obviously sexy. My opinion is that in addition to the amazing and arguably alluring (especially to him) qualities she already has go well with the fact she’s naturally pretty, has a quiet confidence (much like his, actually), and graceful. Yet the woman can throw down and handle a pistol and Dominator with the best of them now, and while I don’t like to generalize men I feel very comfortable saying Ko’s not going to be the exception who isn’t into that. 

I know some get a little caught on the earlier content of the first season. Akane’s clearly young, and I do very much think while Ko was fascinated by the way her mind worked and how quickly her skills were growing that he felt more of a mentor/protective role towards her. I also think there starts to be a shift from that even in the first season, where he starts to recognize her as a full-fledged detective who can not only challenge him, but rival him. I think that in itself is what starts to shift his mentality where she’s concerned, but I also don’t want to pretend that his obsession with hunting down Makishima and tackling his own demons didn’t take precedence at the time. Because again, even if he were to acknowledge fully that he was starting to feel something for her, he wouldn’t think he’s good for her. 

It seemed a little murkier in the film--he hangs on everything she says, and with a delicacy he doesn’t with others. It’s evident that not only have they not lost their connection with each other that had developed throughout the first season, but that it’s shifted in their time away from each other. The tension between them is thick because of everything that’s happened, everything that hasn’t been said, and arguably, the other unresolved elephant in the room that I think they’re very much aware of. They mirror each other, sense each other’s movements, and go right into a discussion that’s incredibly vulnerable on his side and intimate in nature. There aren’t many instances where he shares things like this in the earlier installments--even Saiga has to prompt it and pull those fears from him (that he’s like Makishima and that his ability to draw people is dangerous). With Akane though, he opens up and essentially puts some of his worst fears about himself in her hands. He trusts her fully, and the way he studies and considers her when she responds and those walls start to come down between them both says a lot more than what you see on the surface. I have a hard time separating that moment from their departure, when she loses her composure and panics because she doesn’t want to leave without him and he holds onto her shoulder and tries to reassure her he’ll make it out alive. 

There is a lot of hurriedness and, frankly, failure in the writing from the minute that bomb goes off and interrupts their reunion, and I’m not just saying that because I love them and their relationship. It completely threw off the pacing and depth of what was happening, and took away the vulnerability and human aspects of the scene. I would’ve much rather let their reunion play out then see a war scene with motorcycle backflips and scalps getting blown off.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever watched the dubbed version of the film, but there were some line tweaks in the translation that are very deliberate and for good reason. Some of them arguably fit Ko better where the original lines--at least in the way they were translated--were almost inconsistent with his character. Ko’s lines are more obviously referring to Akane: “a beautiful/glamorous woman” turns into the prospect of Desmond’s line “sounding much sweeter coming from her.” “I’m tired/hungry”--which was completely random and out of place, especially considering Ko doesn’t talk just to talk--turns into, “She’s an incredible woman.” I talked with a translator about that change before. She hadn’t liked that change because it wasn’t direct, and I had loved it from the character standpoint (rather than the “Shinkane” one). It’s fair to want a direct translation, but if something doesn’t fit within the context or character to begin with, I’m a firm believer in line changes not only being justified, but necessary. 

I haven’t seen season 3 or the other films, but I didn’t miss the way his expression softens and how much more apparent that change actually is. They maintain the strongest parts of their dynamic, but the way they handle and address it has changed significantly and will continue to.

All this to say:

1. Yes, he is attracted to her.

2. Yes, I think he realizes it, but not yet to the extent that she does because he won’t allow himself to.

3. No, it’s not quite the same as Akane’s to him, but it’s the other side of the same coin.

I know that especially in recent years, there’s been a shift with some of the newer fans and how they see this relationship, and I know people are going to have strong opinions of it one way or another. But I will hold to what’s demonstrated in the canon content rather than whatever is said outside it or coming up with an interpretation that doesn’t match the writing. Some viewers want concrete proof--a stated “I love you” (which isn’t going to happen with them, by the way) or seeing them get down and dirty onscreen to consider it canon, but I think that neglects the fact that realities are built within the characters and canon content that are not yet seen to fruition or are for some reason cut short/left unfinished.

It’s just like real people: if you or I fell in love with someone but nothing ever happened with that person, did that mean our feelings weren’t real? 

Hopefully that answers your question. It was a good one. 

Thanks for the message!

[archivingspn]

Variety- “‘Supernatural’ Team Talks Doing ‘Justice’ to Show, Characters and #SPNFamily in Final Season”

As “Supernatural” prepares to sign off this year, the men behind the show are trying not to let “the weight of what this season is creep into” their daily work on-set, series star Jensen Ackles said at the farewell panel for the CW demon-hunting drama at the Television Critics Assn. press tour Sunday.

Instead, they want to focus on the work, doing what they have done for 14 seasons, rather than try to “reinvent the wheel,” added Ackles.

“I want it to do justice to what we’ve built for the past 14 and a half years, and right now I think the game plan we have is going to do just that. You’re not going to please everybody — you just can’t — but for the majority of the fans that have been with us on this journey, it’s going to feel right and it’s going to feel good. I know that’s how I feel and I’m still excited to tell that story,” he said.

In the show’s earliest days, “Supernatural’s” future was not so certain. Series star Jared Padalecki admitted that he originally thought the show would simply end when they closed the trunk and said, “We have to work to do” in the pilot. The show had not been picked up to series yet, and the pilot process is “such a bizarre thing,” he said.

The show did get picked up, but in its earlier years it was very much a bubble show, filming (and often airing) a finale without knowing if it would see more life. In the later half of the show’s life, that began to shift, with the CW granting the series early renewals.

“One of the blessings, I feel, has been that we’ve known that we’re carrying on so we don’t have to create a false ending every season,” Padalecki said.

Over the seasons, a couple of spinoff ideas were attempted at the network, as well, but they did not go. Earlier in the CW’s TCA tour Sunday, network president Mark Pedowitz admitted he was not looking at other ways to continue the world without Ackles and Padalecki right now.

“There is something very, very humbling about the fact that this show keeps going. We do see a lot of spinoffs on our networks and other networks and in movies, and it’s humbling to think still want us to be a part of it,” Padalecki said.

Added Ackles: “When you have a show that is so anchored, not in a world but around two characters, it makes it difficult to tell the story without those two characters.”

(...)

The boys and Castiel (Misha Collins) are stuck in this temporary shelter, and although “it’s a triage situation first,” Padalecki told Variety to first stay alive, “there are undercurrents of anger, of tension, resentment [that] we’ll get to when we get to.”

Added Collins: “At the outset of the season [Castiel] is working with the boys but also not feeling emotionally integrated, if that makes sense. We have a fight to fight here, but I think there’s a detachment there, too. And that’s hard, and that plays out later in the season.”

The reason for this, he continued, is that “This is an instance in which Jack’s death is so hard on him, but he’s also dealing with Dean being mad at him about Mary’s death, and I think that Cas doesn’t really feel responsible for that: I think he feels he did his best — he was trying — so it’s a rare instance of him not taking the full burden of something.”

Those pieces of the story come in the second episode, although all three men (Ackles, Padalecki and Collins) admitted they hadn’t thought about how much animosity might have been caused by the fact that Chuck aka God answered Castiel’s prayer in the Season 14 finale, after he had failed to answer the brothers’ prayers for so many years.

“I don’t think they’re there yet, to complain about that,” Padalecki said. “I think Sam and Dean, certainly Sam, is more like, ‘Have we been hamsters on a wheel the whole time? Rats in a maze? What have we done?’ I think we then start dealing with questions of, ‘What is free will? Is it all predetermined? Why try hard if it’s all going to turn out the way Chuck decided it’s going to turn out?'”

Added Ackles: “Basically, is everything we’ve done our whole lives now erased — eradicated — because these things are back? All of that work is essentially gone.” This will lead the brothers — and the show — to “tackle” why one should keep fighting if nothing they do matters, to which, Ackles said the ultimate answer is, “This is what they do. Any excuse to give up is not an excuse good enough for them. This is who they are.”

Although Dean and Sam would be willing to spend “years and years and years” fighting all of these things again, as Ackles put it, maybe the bigger question is how to handle Chuck. After all, if they can get rid of the big bad that brought back all of these foes, wouldn’t that ensure the little bads stop coming?

“The season hasn’t been written yet,” Padalecki admitted, “but I feel like we’re after Chuck. We’re trying to get answers. We’re trying to earn our free will, so to speak. So I feel like what’s been really important to Sam and Dean for many, many years was, ‘Hey, we’re making decisions to make the world a better place — to help the people who can’t help themselves.’ And now we’ve been told, ‘You’re just a story I like to watch,’ and now we’re trying to fight for the privilege and responsibility of actually having free will.”

Executive producer Robert Singer noted that in previous seasons, they would always end on a cliffhanger, but in developing the final season, “it’s a different experience.”

“It’s a true ending,” Dabb added. And “in a true ending, people can’t keep coming back over and over again. They’re going to be facing life or death — this time it’s for real.”

Collins was one actor who admitted that he didn’t feel his character needed to survive the series. “It’s funny, but from the very beginning I’ve always imagined that Cas would die right before the end, because I feel like the show somehow needs to end with Sam and Dean alone,” he told Variety. “But I don’t see a lot of people living at the end of ‘Supernatural’ because I think it needs a kind of closure that only definitive death can bring. That’s very morose, but true. I don’t think we want a ‘Game of Thrones’ ending on ‘Supernatural.'”

One thing Collins did say he wanted before the series ended, though, was to see Castiel truly express his loyalty to the Winchesters. “I would love to see him just be able to say, ‘You’re my people. You’re who I care about that.’ I’d love to see him make a sacrifice,” he shared.

The reason they wanted to go out now, Padalecki shared because they didn’t want to be “the last guy at the party.

“This show is going so strong. It’s going so well right now,” he explained. “We’re such a well-oiled machine, we thought it would be almost poetic and indicative of what ‘Supernatural’ is about to say goodbye too soon.”

However, while “Supernatural” as a long-running drama will definitely end in 2020 after the 20-episode 15th season, Ackles said he felt the culture the show has created and the experience of the show is “a long journey that I don’t think is ever going to be over. I just think we’re going to go away for awhile.”

Does this mean the “Supernatural” cast and crew would be open to a limited series revival in a few years or some kind of movie?

“I’m never ever ready to close doors or burn bridges, I think that’s foolish. Am I saying there’s conversations? No. Am I saying I’d be open to conversations in the future? What’s the harm in that?” Ackles said.

[source]

[valerie-jean-louise]

The Ethan and Samuel of it All: My Thoughts on the Little Voice Love Triangle

Disclaimer: This is SUPER LONG (in my opinion.) Sorry about that. This is also my first time writing out my opinion about a show on tumblr. I’m a tumblr consumer not a creator, but I had the time to sit and write, so I thought “what the hell?” Okay, here it goes…

First off, Ethan. I’m hearing that people think Ethan is “toxic” or “unhealthy”. I don’t really think he’s toxic, he’s just not in the right place to be starting a new relationship with anyone at the moment. What bugs me is that he let things develop with Bess without being upfront with her about being in a very serious relationship. At first you can tell that Bess pursues him more, but then after bonding a bit during that first evening I can tell that his attitude changes and it goes from just not getting around to telling Bess about Laila to hiding it from her. He then appears to have a change of heart and invites Laila to see Bess perform, although he arrives alone and seems to be coming on to Bess before Laila gets there, then surprise! Here’s my live-in girlfriend who I’ve known for like a decade and who moved to another country to be with me.

Ethan is such a nice guy that he can’t handle hurting Laila and I know he doesn’t want to hurt Bess too, but his inability to deal with the situation that he’s helped build up is just hurting all of them. He is unintentionally playing mind games with Bess and probably Laila too. From what I can tell of his character he is most likely acting strange and pulling away from Laila without her knowing why. Bess is also at fault here. At first she pursued Ethan, thinking that he was single,  but once she knew he had a girlfriend she should have backed away. They made their “friend oath” in episode 2, but by the end of the night they both seemed a bit unsure about it. After working on the music video Bess still didn’t want to stick to the “friends” deal but Ethan should have stepped up and either spelled it out for Bess that he really can’t give her anything else but friendship or have broken up with Laila right away. Instead he makes a promise to Bess, giving her hope for a future relationship, then trails her along. It did seem like Ethan was back on track with being friends until he watched Bess and Samuel dance. His whole demeanor changed after that. It’s the usual I’m cool with us not actually being together, but you can’t be with anyone else but me situation. Which is kinda a jerk move when he has a girlfriend.

I feel like there is a connection between them, but it’s also a bit on the surface and isolated from their real lives. Ethan is infatuated with Bess and her music, almost putting her on a pedestal. He hasn’t seen Bess at her worst and I don’t think Bess has shared too much about the hardships in her life. Bess is Ethan’s new beautiful and mysterious and creative infatuation compared to the familiarity of nice Laila (who is also beautiful) and her amazing cookies. Ethan has become Bess’ new form of escapism from dealing with the many responsibilities and issues she has in her life. I just don’t know if it would last in the real world when all the issues and demons are exposed.

Now for my dear Samuel. I feel that if Bess hadn’t met Ethan first, things would be a bit different between her and Samuel. You can tell in episode 1 that they are a little intrigued by each other and in episode 2 when they run into each other at the bar they both give each other looks that screams “interested”, especially when Samuel complements Bess’ music. But that was when Bess barely knew Ethan and then found out that he had a girlfriend, so she seemed more open to other possibilities. That changes after episode 3 when her and Ethan fail at their “friend pact” within hours of making it. So Samuel gets friend zoned.

Samuel is also a really nice guy, observant, truthful, he tells it as it is, has integrity, and would go the extra mile for any of his friends which I feel makes it hard for someone like Bess to realize that he has feelings for her. He can straight talk about everything except for the fact that he has feelings for Bess (luckily Prisha spells that one out for her.) It’s not until Bess starts acting out and pushes Samuel away when he tries to be there for her that he can’t help but burst out that he “f*cking cares” about her. Which I see as him saying he not only cares as a friend but as more than that because it’s followed up with him saying that she’s seeking out Ethan because she doesn’t believe she deserves to be cared about, that’s why she is pursuing someone that can’t care for her the way she might want. (Although Samuel has only observed the looks Bess and Ethan shared during the filming and doesn’t know that Ethan’s been making and breaking promises to Bess, which makes that scene even more heartbreaking.)

Once Bess had time to look at the destruction and pain she caused to the people in her life and came out of the dark place that was heartbreak over Ethan’s betrayal, her and Samuel were able to get back to some sense of normalcy. I’m assuming that she kept her distance from the storage space while her, Samuel, and Benny bonded during the auditions week. From the very beginning you could tell that Samuel had already forgiven Bess and was back to caring and supporting her as much as he can, while Bess was definitely feeling ashamed for how she acted toward him and wanted to take things back.

At the end of episode 7 Samuel was so proud of Bess. She put her and her music out there to be analyzed and criticized and then she told off Jeremy. (I love Luke Kirby btw. It sucks that he plays a skeezball in this.) After leaving the last audition they must have made plans to hangout. They were adorable. Making each other laugh, flirting, and constantly bumping arms even though they had an entire sidewalk. Things were looking up for them and their relationship, but Bess’ life is complicated and they run into Percy. The trauma of the event could send Bess spiraling way out of control and Samuel knows this. He’s so observant and sees all the little cracks in Bess so he knows if she pushes him away again that this could end really badly so he stands his ground to be there for her. I think since the last spiral Bess has learned that she needs to let Samuel in and puts down her walls to let him care for her in her time of need because he has been there supporting her this whole time even if she wasn’t paying attention.

A little extra thoughts about Bess (and Samuel):

Bess reacts to how people react to her music, because she is her music. So she falls for Ethan who fawns over her music and just keeps saying that it’s great and he loves it. But Samuel is a musician himself and will tell her that he loves a song, but also gives her his notes on something that might make it even better. You can tell by how she reacts to Samuel that she’s not used to feedback and criticism. This mirrors their actual relationships. Bess has Ethan in her dreamland relationship, while Samuel is there when the real world shit hits the fan. It’s fairy tale vs. reality.

Bess is also a very serious person. I mean, the girl has a lot on her plate, which can be super stressful and really bog a person down. You can hear it in her first songs we hear. As Samuel says “it’s got a lot of feeling.” Samuel helps lighten up her life and brings some fun into it. He helps her overcome her performance anxiety (Benny & Prisha too!) He lifts her spirits like when he comes out and plays with her in the park. In her mind this was just another job for her to make money, but Samuel makes it fun. It’s the film trope of a young person stressed out with too much responsibility on their shoulders that they don’t know the last time they just let go and had a good time until someone comes into their life and shows them a way.

Bess also has some demons that only Samuel (and sometimes Prisha) seems to be noticing. His expression when she started drinking at his apartment. The way he questioned her why she was suddenly doubting herself and the music video. Noticing right away that Jeremy was a creep. (The one OOC thing he did was leaving the bar when Bess was drunk, but the writers obviously did that to create that storyline. I mean, what musician leaves a gig without his equipment?) Samuel doesn’t want to just be the fun friend and musical collaborator, he wants to be partners with Bess which means taking on the hardships with all the good.

My thoughts on the end of the season and what could be next????

So if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m Team Samuel. I feel like they could be endgame if the show runners get to properly conclude the show. Or Bess will end up being single in the end with Samuel as her friend and bandmate, still leaving the possibility for them open. I wrote this a couple days after episode 7 so the big question for this week is how will Bess feel when the dust settles and she runs into Ethan. Will Ethan have gotten the courage to break things off with Laila and is so could it be too little too late? Will Bess use Samuel as practice for letting someone in and turn and run back to Ethan? Will Bess realize that Samuel is actually the guy she is supposed to be with? Will she say f*ck it and friend zone them both? Will Bess pick Ethan, but then have him hurt her again? Or will they leave it all on a cliffhanger and hope for a second season to play it out more?

In my fantasy world she’ll just wake up in the morning next to Samuel and realize that he is the one she’s supposed to be with, but realistically it looks like things are about to get crazy. I could see her spiraling out of control again and making a move on Ethan in a moment of weakness, Ethan allowing it to happen (probably not really knowing what is going on with Bess) and so in Bess’ mind they have chosen each other. I feel like Samuel has to find out somehow, hurting the poor guy. But it turns out Ethan still can’t get the nerve up to break things off with Laila and Bess is hurt again. She tries to hide the pain of more heartbreak by Ethan from Samuel, but he’s a smart guy and figures out what is going on. The season ends on a cliffhanger: will Samuel forgive Bess and will Bess actually move on from Ethan? Or will Samuel not be able to forgive Bess? Could Ethan finally break things off with Laila and come running to Bess? Would she go back to him then? With only 2 episodes left I could totally see a cliffhanger in our futures.

[fortunatelylori]

This is a long one: having read all of the sympathetic and convincing Sidney Parker posts here, I am wonder if you’re letting Sidney off a little too easily? It seems to me that no matter how much he may want to find love (as has been so eloquently argued here), he has not yet learned true selfless love imo. His half proposal is a point in case. Consider the comparison with Babbers.

Sidney: “What a brute I was… I hope that I am a different man now… If I have changed at all it is in no small part to you. I have never wanted to put myself in someone else’s power before. I have never wanted to care for anyone but myself.”Lord B: “My dear girl don’t you know that I am in love with you… It’s enough that you like me and that you trust me…I have no wish to own you…i want to make you happy. I could never try to lead or constrain you, Esther. All I ask is to walk through life by you

I know he was just getting warmed up, but Sidney’s expression of love is still very firmly about his own development and his own realisation, while Babs’s expression of love is very much about what he hopes to give, and what it means to love. Sidney’s growth arc is incomplete and he still hasn’t fully earned Charlotte, whom Rose Williams has made so generous, brave and loveable. You have already pointed out that this is the midway point in the story, and I completely agree.

But I would love to hear your thoughts on how this circle can be squared: Are we supposed to think that Sidney has done something noble by pimping himself out to Eliza Campion for the sake of his feckless brother and disappointing and destroying his own happiness and, more importantly by JA rules, that of a young inexperienced woman whom he has publicly shouted at, exposed himself to, felt up, kissed, and half proposed to?

Andrew Davies has put Sidney in a hell of a bind: If he breaks it off with Eliza now, he’s a dishonourable cad. If Eliza breaks it off with him, Charlotte looks like second prize to his first great love in the world’s eyes. If he marries Eliza and she dies and he runs back to Charlotte, how can we expect Char to enter that “river” again?

The only comparable situation in JA is Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars, and Edward’s honour was completely intact throughout: his secret engagement occurred when he was young and naïve; he retreated from Elinor once he realised he loved her before more damage was done; he stuck by the loathsome Miss Steele once their engagement was public despite wanting Elinor; Miss Steele throws him over for his brother making clear that she was only ever interested in money and feelings were not at stake.

By contrast, Sidney has broken the heart of an intelligent and worthy young woman for a venal and loveless marriage, though the cynical “bargain” seems to be that he try to love Eliza. Ugh. Badly done, Sidney! How can we redeem Sidney to the point of making him worthy of St. Charlotte? How can he be extricated from this mess without losing his honour and without making Charlotte suffer any further?I would love to see Charlotte released from the passivity she has been forced into here.

She has been robbed of any agency after being established as an active character – a toiler and a spinner. Perhaps she will concoct a way to save Sidney’s soul behind the scenes, showing him in the process what true selfless love looks and feels like. I have a weird feeling that in one episode someone said something like “Men need to be helped without ever knowing they’re being helped…” or something similar. That’s coming back to me now – maybe that’s the only direction this can take:

Charlotte orchestrates Sidney’s rescue with the help of Lady S and the Prince Regent and then retreats back to Heraclitus and rabbit hunting in Willingden, where Sidney comes to find her. After a spot of grovelling and sexy scything in the fields to show that he is not just a dandy city boy but a man of substance, he will win back our Charlotte. Whew! sorry forth long one, had to get it off my chest. Now, about that GOT ending…

Hey there!

Whew … that was INTENSE! Lol … I hope you really meant it when you said you wanted my thoughts on this take because you’re going to get them and …. I don’t think you’re going to like them.

So here goes nothing … I’m going to break this down into topics because your messages covers a lot of ground.

Firstly, the issue of selfless love:

When I was much, much, MUCH younger that I am now, I watched a little movie called Love Story (1970). This film was essentially The Notebook of my mother’s generation. And the most famous line in that film is:

Jenny: Love means never having to say you're sorry

The main female character is standing in the freezing cold with no way to enter her apartment because her husband got pissed off at her and bolted. And that’s what comes out of her mouth … Because love is selfless, right? You don’t need to apologize for anything EVER because love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Let me tell you something: THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT! Anyone who believes romantic love should be selfless needs to reevaluate. The belief in selfless romantic love will not help anyone find that kind of love (because it doesn’t exist). What it will do is that it will allow that person to be prayed on by fuck bois/fuck girls everywhere because you are going to continually excuse their behavior … because you have to love them unconditionally, right? WRONG!

Selfless love is acceptable only in a parent-child dynamic. That’s it! As Cersei would put it:

Cersei: On that front, a mother has no choice

Romantic love is very much conditional on treatment, involvement and attraction. When it isn’t, that’s fertile ground for abuse.

You think this is romantic?

Babington: My dear girl, don’t you know that I am in love with you?

Esther: And what is that to me since I do not love you?

Babington: I don’t care. It’s enough that you like me and that you trust me.

What happens six months down the line when Babs catches Esther having sex with Edward in their marital bed? Do you think he’s still not going to care she doesn’t love him back? What Babington is doing in his proposal is lying to himself. No person who has ever been in love ever genuinely does not care if the object of his affection loves him back. We all want to be loved back. We pretend we don’t because we’re so desperate to have that person that we think we’re able to live without it or, most likely, because we think we can talk them round into loving us.

To be clear, I don’t think Esther will cheat on Babington with Edward. But you can bet your bottom dollar Edward will be coming back into her life in season 2 and that she won’t be over him. Guess who will get his heart put through the ringer?

Sidney’s proposal, on the other hand, is very much how an adult should suggest a lifelong commitment to another adult.

Sidney: If I have changed at all, it’s in no small part down to you. I have never wanted to put myself in someone else’s power before. I’ve never wanted to care for anyone but myself.

In his speech what Sidney is laying out is the following: I am well aware I have issues and that we’ve clashed around those issues time and time again. I am committing myself to fixing them because you make me want to do better. I have trust issues but you make me want to hand you my heart because I know you won’t hurt me. I want to share my life with you and make your needs a priority in my life because you make me less selfish.

I’m sorry … but I’ll take Sidney’s proposal over Babington’s any day of the week because Sidney has a plan for our future (lol) while Babington knows I don’t love him but he is so blinded by infatuation that he can’t see he’s promising something he can’t deliver on … and most crucially no one should deliver on.  

Sidney’s growth arc is incomplete and he still hasn’t fully earned Charlotte, whom Rose Williams has made so generous, brave and loveable.

I agree that Sidney’s arc is incomplete but so is Charlotte’s. She’s not fully come into her own either and this isn’t a matter of one character being flawless while the other has to work his way to her perfection.

Sidney doesn’t need to earn Charlotte because Charlotte is not a possession, she’s a person and Sidney is not some lecherous monster that needs to go through the 7 circles of hell in order to “earn” anything. Sidney and Charlotte are two people that have had some conflicts but nothing truly disastrous (until Sidney proposes to Eliza, that is) and in which they both have had their share of blame. It’s not like Sidney has been the sole aggressor in all of this. Charlotte has insulted him and mocked him in an assortment of ways.

In the end they have chosen to put those differences aside and have come together with a new understanding of who the other person is. They’ve chosen to love each other and accept each other’s flaws. There is no discrepancy in worth between the two of them that needs to be addressed by Sidney.

What should happen in a potential season 2 is that he will need to rebuild Charlotte’s trust after breaking it with his engagement to Eliza. But that discussion is separate since his initial proposal comes before the Tom Parker realizes he doesn’t have insurance debacle.

Are we supposed to think that Sidney has done something noble by pimping himself out to Eliza Campion for the sake of his feckless brother and disappointing and destroying his own happiness and, more importantly by JA rules, that of a young inexperienced woman whom he has publicly shouted at, exposed himself to, felt up, kissed, and half proposed to?

I think what we’re supposed to take from Sidney’s decision to sacrifice his happiness to help his brother is that his “outlier” facade was just that … a façade. Beneath all that is a man who is willing to go to extremes for the people he cares about. I also think that it shows Sidney, despite his outward confidence, doesn’t really love himself that much.

You’re making the mistake of assuming Sidney’s decision to marry Eliza is a rejection of Charlotte. I wouldn’t blame Charlotte for thinking it but we have a 360 view of the story that she doesn’t have the luxury of having.

We know Sidney loves her. We know he is heartbroken at having to let her go. But he doesn’t want his brother to go to jail and he has only 1 week to figure out a way out of the hole Tom has dug himself into. I’m pretty sure Eliza was the last option on the list of things Sidney tried to do in order to help his brother.

As for your implication that Sidney somehow dishonored Charlotte, it’s pretty obvious from the tone of the show that the whole “there always has to be a chaperone” and “no kissing before marriage” etc. are not rules they are choosing to include in their version of the regency. Charlotte leaves Sanditon with her reputation intact. It is her heart that is broken and I’d be willing to bet that in Sidney’s mind, he has already convinced himself that she will recover very quickly while he will be in pain for the rest of his life. Because … as I’ve said … he doesn’t love himself enough to realize just how much Charlotte loves him.

If he breaks it off with Eliza now, he’s a dishonourable cad. If Eliza breaks it off with him, Charlotte looks like second prize to his first great love in the world’s eyes. If he marries Eliza and she dies and he runs back to Charlotte, how can we expect Char to enter that “river” again? The only comparable situation in JA is Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars, and Edward’s honour was completely intact throughout

I’m not sure what your point is here? For starters, who cares what “the world” thinks? Charlotte will know that Sidney loves her and only her and that his engagement with Eliza was an act of desperation on his part. And so will we, the viewers, because and I quote:

Sidney: I don’t love her, you know.

Charlotte and Sidney’s situation is exactly the same as Eleanor and Edward’s, with the exception that Sidney didn’t flirt with Charlotte and almost proposed to her while being engaged to someone else the way Edward does.

And if we are going to take “the world’s” opinion into account, I’m pretty sure people very much speculated that Edward was nursing a broken heart over the woman for whom he risked everything, was disinherited and that abandoned him to marry his brother. After all why else would he retreat to the countryside and marry the almost old maid with no fortune, Eleanor Dashwood? See how you can spin anything into something negative if you want to?

How can we redeem Sidney to the point of making him worthy of St. Charlotte?

Sigh … Sidney has always been worthy of Charlotte. He is a good man ... with great AAAABBBSSSS. And while Charlotte getting her heart broken is deeply sad, I think it’s safe to say it’s Sidney that has gotten the truly shitty end of the stick. He has tied himself to a woman whom he does not love and who treats him like he’s her dog.

I don’t think people realize just how hopeless his situation is. It’s not like if he marries Eliza, he can get a divorce a few years down the line. He is stuck with the woman who betrayed him 10 years ago for the rest of his life. And he’s in this situation not even because of his own venal desires or greed. He’s in it to save his brother … a brother that will probably ruin himself regardless. That kind of thing eats at a person.

Charlotte’s state, on the other hand, is not permanent. I’m not trying to minimize her pain. Heartbreak is horrible and deeply traumatizing. But as everyone who has gone through it can tell you, it eventually goes away. You recover, you move on.

I don’t think she will need to go through the entire letting go process because she and Sidney will be reunited and everything will work out for the best but if she had to, she would go through it and come out the other side even stronger than she is now.

I would love to see Charlotte released from the passivity she has been forced into here. She has been robbed of any agency after being established as an active character – a toiler and a spinner. Perhaps she will concoct a way to save Sidney’s soul behind the scenes, showing him in the process what true selfless love looks and feels like.

See … this is confusing to me. On the one hand you think Sidney isn’t worthy of Charlotte, on the other you want her to save him. I would suggest it’s not Charlotte’s job to extract Sidney from the shitty situation he’s in. He has to do that for himself.

As for Charlotte being robbed of agency … what’s that even based on? What was she supposed to do in that situation? It’s not like there’s 80.000 pounds hidden under the Heywood family tree that Lassie can dig up …

After a spot of grovelling and sexy scything in the fields to show that he is not just a dandy city boy but a man of substance, he will win back our Charlotte

And this is the part where you truly lost me … As a born and bred city girl, with a generational line of city dwellers dating back centuries, I will have you know I have SUBSTANCE, ok?!?! I have many, many substances … I’m oh so substantiated and stuff.

All joking aside, why does Sidney need to prove that he is a man of substance? What the hell has he done to make anyone assume he isn’t?

I guess in the end our conflicting views come from our perceptions of Sidney as a person. I don’t think Sidney is a bad boy that needs to be redeemed through his love for Charlotte. I think he has always been a good man who is trying to do his best for those around him, who has had to deal with some pretty shitty situations in his life and who is involved in at least one toxic relationship (with his brother). In addition to that, he has a self-destructive streak (people who get dumped don’t necessarily react to it by setting fire to their whole lives and almost dying in the process) which makes it easy for him to prioritize Tom’s well-fare over his own life.

The reason why he falls so deeply in love with Charlotte is because she offers him a real chance of breaking out of those patterns and being able to be seen and loved for who he is. The problem is that toxic past relationships are still very much encroaching on his ability to move on with his life in a healthy way.

In order to break free, what Sidney needs isn’t to be saved. What he needs is to put a stop to the negative patterns that exist at the core of his relationship with Tom (and Mary by extension) and to put the whole Eliza relationship to rest.  

[soliti]

ASTRID SWAN

1. Taylor Swift: Folklore (2020, album) This year the so-called mainstream and the sidelines flow into each other. There are no borders between formula, selling, style and that is freeing for all who make art. Maybe in that sense a global pandemic is putting us on a more even creative keel. It’s providing time for all to actually make art rather than to focus on its marketing. Maybe. Taylor Swift’s first quarantine album became my favorite immediately. I have had it on probably every day for the past months. The marriage of Aaron Dessner’s delicate looping swirling riffs with Swift’s sugary pop vocal hooks and storytelling were just what I needed for inspiration and comfort while sitting at my desk, staring at the screen, writing and glimpsing the sky each day, through the seasons.

2.  Beyoncé: The Lion King – The Gift (2020, visual album) The visual album directed by Bey herself is another border breaking effort, questioning the imagined fencing between super fame and unknown artists, elevating the African continents, black and brown humans and culture and healing with beauty. The music relates to the Lion King film that came out in 2019 and so does the film, but its free too, writing and rewriting additional meanings, imagining differently. It’s abundance, shared space, nature, form – an amazing fiction and a powerful narrative to black and brown children: you matter, you are beautiful. My 8-year-old LOVES every second of it. It is radical to be one of the most famous identifiable voices in pop and to share the vocal space and songwriting with all these other voices. It is radical to believe in your own power to do many things well, and then do it.

3. Fiona Apple: Fetch the Bolt Cutters (2020, album) What a year! It feels like I am 17 again with all these albums that become part of my musical interior. My new, yet familiar furniture to lean on. Apple’s album is an amalgamation of all her albums so far. It’s a language I speak. It’s like listening to my big sister. It makes me glad to be alive in 2020 to hear her be able to bottle the vulnerability and wit and shake shake shake…

4.  Shawn Colvin: Diamond in the Rough (book, 2012) I read a lot this year, which is no news. I’m always reading. Still, this is a revelation: since 2018 I’ve been listening to Colvin’s album A Few Small Repairs from 1996 every week. Yes, every week at some point I have to listen to this. This relates to the fact that I’ve rediscovered a lot of my 90s favorites and realized that I still love them. So, finally I realized that she published a memoir in 2012. I loved reading this book because it hasn’t been so long that I can read books by women songwriters. There just haven’t been that many. And this one addressed song writing and the conditions of her becoming a musician very well. It also dealt with alcoholism, mental health struggles and weaved mothering, romantic love and parental love into the narrative. Again, reading this inspired me to do what I do. Her writing made me feel less lonely and inspired to play the guitar again.

5. Hari Kunzru: Into the Zone (podcast) Podcasts have become an almost too present noise in my mornings, my walks, my cooking, my escape from the family… in a small home with everyone home, you can make space by listening to your own boring talk shows so loud that it drowns out Neil Young and muddles YouTube kids and the endless video game or Lego reviews. So, I discovered Into the Zone. I love it passionately. It’s a literary writer’s and a researcher’s dream. Kunzru is able to tell narratives of far apart subjects and show how they relate and influence each other. He talks much about music, racism, ideas of genre, imagined futures… to be honest, I felt like writing a letter of thank you to him, that’s how much I loved this. I haven’t written the letter though, because I could not find his email address.

6. “How to Stop a Power Grab” by Andrew Marantz in The New Yorker. November 23rd, 2020. This great article looks into what we know about peaceful dissent, interviewing Erica Chenoweth who is an important voice for all kinds of civil organizing and dissent such as the Black Lives Matter -movement. Chenoweth has studied and found that peaceful dissent is more likely to lead to political change than violence. Her book with Maria Stephan Why Civil Resistance Works came out in 2013 and is considered a watershed book for civil organizing. Reading this article gave me hope; maybe instead of a major global disaster bigger than 2020, we are learning, we are on the brink of better times, of realizing that we all have to care for all and act upon the betterment of our conditions. That science is showing us that violence is a dead end. That things are changing. That from the perspective of centuries, our slow learning is accelerating.

7.  I’ll Be Gone in the Dark (TV Series, HBO) Michelle McNamara’s book by the same name was a hit a little while ago and this year, the HBO documentary series brings the entangled narratives of McNamara, the horrific victim stories and the story of the EAR/Night Stalker together much like the book. The criminal titled EAR who violated the lives of so many and killed many from 1960s until recently in California, USA is kind of at the center of the story, but also, he is a side character to something more interesting. For me, the true crime aspect of this program was not as compelling as the story of McNamara’s discovery of writing, her ability to fuse detective skills and storytelling and her inability to address her personal struggles while doing it. It is a tragedy. I was struck by the documentary’s skill at talking also about mothering, a romantic relationship and childhood and to relate all this to the way this woman worked, developed her professional situation. And all this, while investigating murders and rapes that happened long ago and were never solved. Watching this made me a fangirl of McNamara and it made me want to become an amateur sleuth and also a filmmaker in my next life. Finally, during the year I fluctuated between wanting to watch old films, familiar series and yearning to be shook out of my usual corners. Being true crime this series was super scary for me – but it was more about telling stories really than about the crime, so I grit my teeth and closed the blinds and told myself I’m safe and I watched the series twice already. Guardian review of the show.

[virryth]

Uber Ride --a Sicheng friend to lover AU

1.4k+ | Fluff | Gender-neutral reader, college au, friend to lover au, mentions of alcohol

Summary: Dong Sicheng considers himself the character that blends into the background, until you prove him wrong. 

“What do you mean you’re going home? It’s only 2am!”

You shake your head at the friend who’s pulling you back into the neon-lit bar. If this was a usual Friday night, you'd agree and stay till dawn, but today has been such a rough day that you‘re ready to hit the bed mid-party.

You wave goodbye to your sulking friends as you catch the uber number plate that’s pulling up to the sidewalk. Perhaps because it‘s starting to rain that you hurriedly climb into the passenger seat and not the back seat as you usually would. 

The drive is slow, and the rain quickly pours into a storm as you close your arms around yourself. 

“I can turn down the AC if it’s too cold.” 

For the first time since greeting your driver, you turn towards him. He looks vaguely familiar. The sharp jawline and voice are unfamiliar, but the way his hat sits on his head give you a major sense of deja vu. 

“Thanks,” you smile, texting your friend that you scored a cute uber driver to ease their whinings.

He nods as you turn back towards the front, a thought occurs to you as you peer at your phone for the driver’s name. “Sicheng” rings a bell, a couple bells actually, and you were beginning to wonder if he’s actually in one of your classes.

Sicheng doesn’t expect you to ask. Unlike you, he’s not the cheerful student who greets their friends with a smile to class. He keeps to himself mostly, with just a friend or two to share notes, and only participates in class if the syllabus requires. There’s no way you would recognize someone who blends into the background as he does.

“Thanks for the ride!”

Sicheng nods and stays until you get inside the apartment and close the door before driving away. He’ll probably never talk to you again, but it was nice to know you were as pretty and friendly as Renjun had praised. 

The next time he sees you, you’re sitting three rows ahead in Introduction to Film, and your hair is pulled up in a bun as you scribble doodles on your yellow sunflower notebook.

It’s been a habit of his to just watch you, not in a creepy way but in an inquisitive way, much like the way one would observe a small passing squirrel on campus. He finds you to be the perfect distraction from the boring powerpoint slides the professor always pulls up when they start class. He likes to just watch your reactions, whether it be from a comedic example of the topic you’re discussing, or at a particular jump scare in the horror special. You’re probably the most expressive person he knows, and he’s friends with Ten and Johnny from acting class.

So imagine his surprise when he gets to class the week after to find you looking for him. 

“Sicheng, right?” you ask, and he can’t believe you’re smiling at him.

“Uh, yeah,” he mutters, unsure of what to say. 

“I knew I recognized you from one of my classes! My brother, Renjun, told me about his friend and I didn’t think it was you!”

Some way or other, you’ve made your way into his usual row and flop yourself next to him. It was strange, last week you probably didn’t know he existed, but today you’re smiling and talking to him as if he’s your friend.

They’re just being friendly.

Except it doesn’t end there. Suddenly you’re inviting him to get coffee before class, to study in the student union, and to drive into town with you on a Tuesday night for dinner. 

It’s strange, he has no problem saying no to his friends. He declined Jaehyun’s invite to his party, Doyoung’s invite to study, and even Lucas and Kun’s invite to movie night, yet he can’t find it in himself to decline your invite to do possibly anything. 

There’s something in the way your smiles seem to be reserved just for him that makes him unable to say no, but he dismisses the thought as quickly as it has occurred. There’s just no way.

“Do you think they’re just stringing me along?” Sicheng asks his friends on a rare day when they’re able to hang out with him. The question has been on his mind for some times and he was beginning to think he’s fine not ever knowing the answer. 

“I mean,” Ten chimes in, “you are the little brother slash baby type everyone wants to take care of.”

“How dare you say that to the baby?” Doyoung scolds and, if anything, makes it worse.

“Sicheng, you know about them for some time right?” Jaehyun asks, “they’re popular and has lots of friends, but they still chooses to hang out with you. I’m sure that has to count for something.”

Sicheng doesn’t get to find out what Jaehyun meant until the night of Johnny’s end of year party. You’re there with a few of your friends and he can’t help but look for you in the corner of his eyes, always following you throughout the party. Bad habit really doesn’t change easily, but thanks to this Sicheng is able to find you when you suddenly disappear.

“What do you mean you have someone you like?”

Sicheng stays hidden by the door, just within earshot when he spots you and someone else chatting outside.

“It means I don’t like you, now let go of me before I yell out.” You huff, there’s no fear in your voice, just conviction and an unfamiliar firmness Sicheng has never heard from you. After all, you’ve always been soft-spoken with him.

Sicheng hasn’t thought of that before, the fact that you might have someone you like. It’s a somewhat unsettling thought, the idea mulls in his brain for a good five minutes before he concludes that he’s had too much champagne. It must be where this weird heartburn feeling comes from.

“Sicheng?”

Crap.

“Hey,” he tries to sound like he hasn’t been eavesdropping this whole time, but from the look on your face, he has failed. “What are you doing out here?”

“Just getting some air,” you reply as another smile blooms over your features, your cheeks tinted pink from the alcohol. 

“It’s cold, you should get inside quickly.”

“Okay,” you laugh, “you’re so cute, worrying about me.”

Out of habit, you reach up to fix the hair fallen over Sicheng’s eyes. It’s not as if this was the first time you’ve done this, in fact, you’ve been taking care of him by the little gestures, almost as someone would to a little brother.

Darn it, Ten. 

Sicheng silently curses his friend for putting that idea into his head. But what if you really think of him that way? What if he’s just a brother to you? After all, Renjun is proof that you would know how to take care of a younger brother. 

Might as well get this over with before I overthink into the clouds.

“Hey,” he starts, hands on your shoulders to steady himself more than to steady you. The warmth you radiate from his hands makes him even more nervous. “What do you think of me?”

You tilt your head to the side, the alcohol buzzing before your eyes, and blink. 

Once.

Twice.

Sicheng is sure by the third time that he would have his answer, but instead, you counter with a small smile, “what do you think of me, Sicheng?”

Perhaps it was the night air being too cold, or the party too loud, heck, Sicheng even blames it on Ten for wandering around his mind, yelling baby brother over and over, that he never saw what comes next. 

Sicheng doesn’t know how or when he’s developed these feelings. Maybe it was when you laughed at his jokes over dinner on that Tuesday night, when your eyes twinkled in admiration over the short film he'd made for class the previous semester, when you smiled so indiscriminately and brilliantly at him the day after the uber ride, or the many hours he spent just looking at you from afar. He realized that you’ve always looked at him with all of your attention and affection, and never once did you treat him like he blends in with the background.

Whatever it may be, the moment he presses his lips on yours, he knows this feels right. 

Bonus.

Ten later asks you about when you knew you had feelings for Sicheng, you simply replied that you were already enamored the first night he picked you up in the uber ride. Definitely not in a little brother kind of way, and not in the background character kind of way either. 

To you, he has and will always be the main character.

-V

Read more NCT au here

[annecoulmanross]

Bridgens/Peglar Egyptology AU

(for the @theterrorbingo square “modern AU” | word count: 1k fic + 1.5k AU details | rating: T | warnings: mild spooky; talk of mummies; description of a panic attack)

The Terrors are all members of the Classics (Greek & Roman Studies) department. The Erebites are all members of the Egyptology department. These two departments share the beautiful Barrow Hall building on the campus of their university, but they do NOT get along….

….until Henry Peglar, a first-year graduate student in Classics, decides that he wants to learn how to read Egyptian hieroglyphs. 

(Drabbles and AU info below the cut!) 

It turns out that most students who want to study hieroglyphs have already finished the introductory course, however, because Henry ends up in a tiny winter-term class with only two other students. The three “hieroglyph 101s” all show up a bit early to their first day of class, fumbling into a dimly-lit classroom in the basement of Barrow Hall, across from the archaeological store-rooms.

They exchange quick introductions while waiting for the instructor to arrive. Both of Henry’s classmates are undergraduate Egyptology majors: Tom Hartnell is a bright young freshman with a passion for Egyptian mummies (and, admittedly, a slightly spotty undergraduate record), and Henry Collins is a terribly anxious junior who recently switched majors from Engineering (“Please call me Collins,” he says, after Henry begins to comment that they share a name. “Everyone else already calls me Collins.”)

The moment of revelation for Henry Peglar, though, is when he first sets eyes on their instructor: a senior graduate student named John Bridgens, who walks in just a minute after the hour, with a thermos of what smells like mint tea.

John Bridgens looks almost mournful for a moment, his dark eyes soulful, a thick pea-coat sitting heavy on his shoulders (which he quickly shrugs off; it may be a chilly January outside, but Barrow Hall is toasty and warm). When John looks over to his students, though, he smiles, and his face is transformed: Henry feels like the sun has suddenly come out from behind the blustery clouds.

Henry quickly realizes that learning Egyptian won’t be like learning Greek or Latin, but fortunately John is a very good teacher. Even though John holds office hours at an ungodly hour of the morning, Henry shows up to every office hour with a bright smile and a long list of questions.

What Henry doesn’t yet know is that he’s in for the most exciting semester of his life…

(Featuring such hijinks as: John and his students Henry, Tom, and Collins get locked into the archaeological store-room with the mummies, in the dark! Henry and Tom Hartnell uncover a secret that could overturn the Egyptology department! Henry develops an unfortunate crush on his instructor! What could go wrong!)

+ 

“We’re Trapped in Here, Aren’t We?” (Bonus Drabble)

The four of them have now been locked in the basement, in the dark, for over an hour.

Collins is quietly freaking out, sitting on a storage crate in the corner of the main room of the museum storage space. Henry watches Tom Hartnell deftly trying to help Collins regulate his breathing to a pace approaching normal, with some success; Henry decides not to intervene.

“We’re trapped in here, aren’t we?” Collins asks. He doesn’t sound panicked anymore, just stressed; it’s an improvement.

Tom rubs Collins’s shoulder reassuringly, and says, “I don’t know for certain, but I’m not going to let it worry me – we’re going to be okay, alright?” Tom then turns to Henry Peglar and tilts his head, adding: “Eddie Hoar told me that there used to be a secret passage that ran between Barrow Hall and the library, and that the door opened up somewhere here in the storage-rooms. Maybe we can find it?”

Henry nods, flashes a grin that feels fake but must seem genuine in the low light of the storage-rooms’ emergency lighting, because Tom smiles back at him. “I’ll go check on John,” Henry says. “See if he doesn’t know anything about a tunnel.”

Slipping in between the shelves of Greek ceramics, Henry winds his way toward the back workroom where he left John Bridgens, who had been convinced that there must be an extra key somewhere in the workroom desk drawers.

Henry is so caught up in thoughts of tunnels that fails to notice the packing box sitting next to the shelves and he manages to trip right over it. He takes the fall hard, feeling the chilly linoleum under his now-aching arm, his eyes squeezed shut against the pain. When he opens his eyes, though, Henry feels a bolt of fear run though him – for a moment he thinks he’s gone blind, because he sees nothing but darkness. A moment later, the ancient emergency lights flicker back on, and that’s worse because Henry is face-to-face with the mummy.

Henry had forgotten that she was stored here, under the shelves of Egyptian faience. He distantly remembers Dr. Blanky pointing out “the Egyptian girl, our princess,” in her lovely painted coffin, on a tour through the storage rooms last year when he had been a prospective student – but the fact that she was down here (trapped with us, his mind whispers) had escaped his mind.

Shuddering, Henry pushes himself up from the cold floor and backs up against the wall as the lights keep flickering. He knows, he knows, that there’s nothing to fear here, but the sight of the girl’s skin, drawn tight against her skin, her eerie grimace, had shaken him.

“Henry?”

Henry jumps about a foot in the air, but it’s just John, peering out from the workroom door.

“Henry, are you okay?” John continues, his brow furrowed with worry.

Henry swallows. “Yup, yeah, just took a tumble.” He straightens up, tries to collect himself. “Did you find an extra key?” he asks John.

But John isn’t so easily dissuaded. “Are you sure you’re alright?” He steps up next to Henry, a hand hovering over the arm that Henry’s cradling to his chest (Henry’s certain it isn’t broken, but he knows it’ll be bruised a bit).

Henry looks up into John’s eyes and exhales softly to see the loving concern written there. John’s so close now, lifting a hand toward Henry’s cheek, and Henry wants this, wants to reach out and embrace; he finally feels his limbs stop shaking now that John’s here, even as his heart races and his face tilts up…

…. and that’s the moment when the emergency lights finally flicker their last, and the corridor goes dark as a tomb.

+

Some Background on the Humanities Departments of Barrow Hall

The Department of Classics

The Classics program at Barrow Hall is small but powerful. Most of the faculty get along well with each other, professionally, although they don’t socialize much. There aren’t many graduate students in the program, but most of the grad students they do have are quite active on the university campus.

Classics Faculty

Dr. Crozier is the department chair of the Classics program. He teaches early Roman history, with a focus on land surveying, and he takes a very scientific approach to his material.

Dr. Little is an associate professor who teaches Greek military history and gets very excited about ancient weapons. (“Like the shot that killed Leonidas at Thermopylae!”)

Dr. Hodgson is an associate professor who teaches Greek drama; he’s particularly obsessed with the tragedies of Euripides – the more ritualistic violence the better.

Dr. Irving is an assistant professor who teaches later Roman history, and can turn any conversation into a debate about the early history of Christianity. His most recent book was titled “Coming Out Christian in the Roman World: How the Followers of Jesus Made a Place in Caesar's Empire.” * Despite Irving’s own Christian faith and his social justice outreach work with the campus Queer Interfaith club, Irving’s a bit of a chronological traditionalist when it comes to academic research, and tends to dismiss any literature written after Augustine.

Drs. Peddie and MacDonald are actually part of the History Department, but because they teach Medieval Latin, they’re considered honorary members of the classics faculty. (MacDonald teaches a wildly popular undergraduate seminar – cross-listed with Classics and History – called “Witches, Ghosts, and Potions: Medical Mysteries in Medieval Europe.”)

Dr. Blanky is the exception to the “we hate the Egyptologists” rule – Thomas gets along quite well with a certain Dr. Reid, both of whom have a passion for film studies, and together they’ve organized a weekly historical film series for the undergrads. Dr. Reid’s top picks are old-school classics like Cleopatra (1963) and Julius Caesar (1953); Blanky, on the other hand, is partial to Gladiator (2000). He’s also the exception to the “this department doesn’t socialize rule,” being, himself, a long-time best friend of department chair Dr. Crozier.

Classics Grad Students

Thomas Jopson is an older graduate student – he’s just a breath away from receiving his PhD: Dr. Crozier, who has been supervising his thesis on the systems of enslavement in the Roman Republic and the lived experiences of Roman slaves, is extremely proud of Thomas’s sensitive eye for historical evidence. Thomas also works for the campus mental health office, leading a therapy group for adult children of those suffering from addiction.

Billie Gibson, another grad student, is part-way through writing his dissertation on the reception of Greek ideas about homosexuality in the Victorian period, under the supervision of a confused but supportive Dr. Irving. (“Isn’t this more of a History department topic?”)

“Hickey” started the PhD program at the same time as Billie, and he’s begun writing his thesis on cannibalistic imagery in Greek poetry with Dr. Hodgson. Everyone just calls him Hickey, and Henry Peglar hasn’t been able to figure out his full name (or whether “Hickey” is a first name or a last name, or even whether “Hickey” is part of his real name at all) because no one ever updates the Classics department website. Hickey is part of a student organization called the Dionysians, but they’re not listed on the university’s roster of sanctioned clubs, and no one seems to know what it is that they do, exactly.

Henry Peglar is the newest member of the department, a first-year grad student. He’s planning on studying depictions of ancient history in modern fiction, hopefully with Dr. Blanky, who also happens to be his first-year advisor.

The Department of Egyptology

The Egyptology program at Barrow Hall has been having some hiring problems in recent years. Not only did several older professors retire, but the young Dr. Gore decided to move into museum-work full-time and Dr. Fairholme was ‘poached’ by the rival Egyptology program at another university. As a result, the Department of Egyptology has been under-staffed, with too many grad students and too few professors, resulting in two controversial recent faculty hires.

Egyptology Faculty

Dr. John is the department chair of the Egyptology program. He teaches ancient Egyptian literature and has a rather old-fashioned perspective on middle Egyptian grammar.

Dr. Reid teaches courses on the history of archaeological discoveries in Egypt, and the culture of artifact (mis-)handling by European excavators. He’s friendly with Dr. Blanky in the Classics program, and he lovingly crafts discussion questions for the film-showings that he and Blanky run. (He’ll never admit it, but he secretly loves the 1999 Mummy movie.)

Dr. Stanley teaches classes on ancient Egyptian medicine. He’s known for his severe grading policies and for his impressive ability to ruin the fun of topic that involves things like magic spells and fever-demons and having sex with crocodiles.

Dr. Fitzjames is one of the two new faculty members, a dashing archaeologist with an impressive résumé of excavation in Egypt – although, as Dr. Crozier has wryly observed, some of his funding sources for those digs haven’t always been completely above-board.

Dr. Le Vesconte is the other new faculty member, an associate professor with an equally flashy history of excavation and publication. Rumor is that he and Dr. Fitzjames once found a live cheetah in an Egyptian tomb and tried to keep it as the excavation’s mascot.

Egyptology Grad Students

Edmund “Eddie” Hoar is a senior doctoral candidate, working dedicatedly on a massive dissertation about Egyptian stamps and seals. He’s been working with Dr. John because his old advisor recently retired, and with Eddie’s advisor gone, Eddie’s pretty much the only person on campus who knows his way around the dusty archaeological collection in the basement of Barrow Hall.

John Bridgens has been with the program about as long as Eddie, but he’s closer to finishing his thesis, a sprawling dissertation on Egyptian poetry under Dr. John’s supervision.

Charles “Freddie” Des Voeux is part-way through writing a thesis on Napoleon’s excavations in Egypt; his advisor is Dr. Reid. (He’s also roommates with Eddie Hoar, and the two of them are known as “(Fr)eddie” in the grad student group chat.)

Harry Goodsir is a first-year PhD student, who entered the program at the same time Henry Peglar started in Classics; the two of them met at the university-wide graduate student orientation, and Harry encouraged Henry to take hieroglyphs, which Harry had learned himself while he was an undergraduate, while volunteering with his siblings at an Egyptian museum in their hometown. Harry’s interested in Egyptian archaeology, hoping to study with Dr. Fitzjames and Dr. Le Vesconte, but there was a paperwork mix-up that placed Dr. Stanley as Harry’s first-year advisor (Harry is unhappy about it; Dr. Stanley is even more unhappy about it).

Members of Associated Departments in Nearby Ross Hall (& Their Drama)

Dr. James C. Ross is the co-chair of the anthropology program and a dear friend of Dr. Crozier in classics. Though he does have a complicated legacy with the university – being a descendent of the famous (if problematic) explorer, Sir John Ross, for whom Ross Hall is named – Dr. James is well-liked by his students and forward-thinking about his discipline.

Ross’s co-chair, Dr. Silna Kamookak, thinks Ross could stand to apply his anthropology to real-world problems a bit more intensively. Dr. Kamookak is a rising star in applied archaeology and she publishes on issues of museum collection ethics and heritage management; the graduate seminar she teaches on Inuit oral history documentation is known to be one of the best courses in the department.

Dr. Jane Franklin is the chair of English Literature; her research interests revolve around the writings of Charles Dickens. All the students in Barrow Hall call her “Dr. Jane,” and call her husband “Dr. John,” because neither would agree to let the other be called “Dr. Franklin.” A memo was circulated. It was messy.

Dr. Sophia Cracroft is an assistant professor in the History of Science department, and a frequent collaborator with Dr. Crozier in an ongoing interdisciplinary project about ancient cartography; although Dr. Cracroft has often tried to get Dr. John Franklin to permit a collaboration with the Egyptology department, Dr. John has always refused. Cracroft’s grad students say that it’s because Dr. John heard something “unsavory” about the relationship between Dr. Cracroft and Dr. Crozier. None of the grad students know what this “unsavory” thing is, but gossip ranges from the vanilla (an affair) to the bizarre (a papyrus smuggling ring).

Other Details

Goldner’s is a purveyor of textbooks of dubious quality. For some reason, all of the introductory language classes in both the Classics and Egyptology departments are always assigned Goldner’s textbooks, much to the students’ and instructors’ displeasure.

* “Coming Out Christian in the Roman World: How the Followers of Jesus Made a Place in Caesar's Empire,” is a real book! (It was not, however, written by John Irving.) I had a fantastic time reading it a few years ago – go check it out.  

[kiruuuuu]

Siegemas Day 24

Happy holidays everyone, it’s me again! I stepped in for this day :) Once again, thank you @dualrainbow​, this event is a delight 💝💝

Today, my prompt is the very first line of the fic you find below. I hope you all enjoy it, and have a wonderful time no matter what or whether you’re celebrating! ✨ (Twitch/IQ, Rating T, fluff + emotional comfort, ~2.8k words)

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“We made… too many cookies.”

The comedic timing is impeccable, the line delivered with perfect hesitance as to imply awareness of the understatement while hiding its undoubtedly practised nature. She’s a born people person with a knack for being charmingly endearing, and IQ is absolutely and horrifically powerless.

“This is ridiculous”, she states, deadpan, not giving away how amused she is in reality – it’s not often that she opens the door to a stunning young woman with pretty cheekbones tinted pink from the cold outside, clad in a flattering deep purple coat and holding several tin boxes in gloved hands. Patterned gloves, a row of snowflakes adorning the fabric. A very familiar row of snowflakes.

“I know, and I’m really sorry, but I don’t know anyone else who’d appreciate these.” Her hair is laid in neat waves framing her pale freckled face, light make-up completing the elegant look. She could be a film star, certainly possesses the same unselfconscious attitude one would expect, even though she’s displaying embarrassment right now. Her slim figure hugged tightly by her form-fitting clothes is visible clearly despite the frankly laughable amount of cookie tins and IQ can’t help herself.

She invites her in.

Twitch is a waterfall, bubbling excitedly about how or why she came across certain recipes, casually throwing in a French or German word amidst the usual English, and it’s impossible for IQ to follow her but she smiles and nods anyway while relieving her visitor of her cargo and placing it gingerly on the kitchen table. So far, this last Sunday before Christmas – the fourth Advent, as it’s called in her mother tongue – had been almost serene, began with chores and continued with a quiet cup of coffee and a good book before slowly tilting over into planning and researching for her next chapter. A regular occurrence. As a result, IQ is mentally somewhere else still and needs a few minutes before she can concentrate on her unexpected guest.

“Good to see you”, she chimes in during a small pause (wouldn’t you know it, even Twitch needs to breathe), and the two of them hug as a greeting. Twitch always gives her a good squeeze, really presses the two of them together, which is one of the reasons IQ looks forward to meeting her every day: it makes her feel appreciated. No one else comes close to these embraces, not Blitz, her decade-old friend, or even her own siblings. In Twitch’s arms, she closes her eyes and finds peace for a brief second.

It might be the absence of her family which has left her this sentimental – normally, she’s too busy to analyse her friends, to scrutinise them to this amount, but today an odd sort of nostalgia and possible bout of loneliness has overtaken her. She did light four candles on her wreath, the first one almost burnt out completely from being lit on all the previous Sundays, yet instead of providing warm illumination, it caused subtle brooding. Their house was always lively around Christmas, bustling with fights, pretend fights, singing, louder singing, future plans yelled through the staircase, raucous laughter, and various songs on repeat trying to drown each other out.

Here, in her small apartment in England, the silence felt foreboding.

“I tried my hand at spéculoos, which Marius called a German staple, and let me tell you – the dough I had was a nightmare to work with, much too sticky. I wanted to roll it out and use Julien’s cookie cutters but it wouldn’t cooperate, so you now have small poop piles of what I think you call Spekulatius. It’s in the blue tin, right on top there. I also made vanilla… uh, vanilla croissants? Shaped like moons? They’re Dom’s favourites, apparently, and Gilles begged me to help him, but he got the recipe wrong and we got so many that he just gave me half. Elias really wanted pain d’épices, um, spicy bread? No, gingerbread, that was it. You guys have the best name for it, by the way, Lebkuchen, it makes it sound like you’re Frankenstein: live, cake!”

Twitch somehow manages to wander through the flat while babbling on, accepting a cup of lukewarm coffee IQ puts in her hands and instinctively helping to pick a few cookies from each box to create an inviting-looking decorative paper plate which IQ carries into the living room where they settle down, fingers curled around warmed ceramic and eyes gleaming in the candlelight.

“You need to try these, it’s actually one of James’ mum’s recipes. Poppyseed and chocolate, they turned out better than expected, but after Liza told that story about her acquaintance failing a drug test because of poppyseed bagels, people refused to eat more than one and I definitely can’t stomach all of these alone.”

She watches, expectantly, as IQ dutifully picks out one of the spotted cookies shaped like a flower and bites into the crumbly bakeware. Surprising no one, it’s delicious – if there’s anything Twitch can’t do, IQ hasn’t found it yet.

“Really good”, she agrees, allowing for Twitch’s instant beaming smile to tug the corners of her own mouth upwards while she chews. “Manu, these all look lovely. You know I’d die for good Christmas cookies, so thank you. Even though this is way too much for me.”

Her laugh is melodic and as contagious as her constant sunny mood. “You should see how many I still have at home. Elias claimed he needs to watch his figure, Julien should be watching his figure, Doc doesn’t really like sweets, and Gilles eats maybe one cookie a day. Which you know is illegal at Christmastime.”

“Still, this is a wonderful present and I’m afraid I have nothing to give in return.” IQ isn’t being entirely honest. Still testing the waters; maybe Twitch will manage to read between the lines and they can finally address it. The moment the Frenchwoman stepped over the threshold was the moment IQ decided they’d talk it through today. It’s been going on long enough.

“Not true, you gave me the gloves!” Twitch’s triumphant gotcha! expression is self-satisfied and smug and sweet. Sweeter than the cookies calling to IQ – they really do look fantastic, a variety of shapes, sizes and colours, all together smelling of spices and memories and Christmas.

“Someone had to, you kept complaining about your icy fingers.”

“And you were probably sick of warming them up.” Twitch hasn’t caught on yet, her tone is still breezy and carefree. “Have you written some more? Any new scenes for me to read? I need to know whether the captain really is dead or not.”

IQ laughs, half embarrassed and half delighted – when the news broke in Rainbow that she writes stories in her spare time, she expected an outcome way worse than what she ended up facing: Castle immediately expressed interest in reading them, no matter the topic, and once word got out that it was usually science-fiction-centric, even more people approached her out of curiosity. None of them as enthusiastic as Twitch, however, who dove into the narratives like an age old fan into new material, sparking an unknown productivity in IQ which has yet to subside. Knowing there’s at least one person who devours anything she dreams up has been fantastically motivating, and they’ve begun spinning yarn together now and then. Twitch is the only one whom she trusts enough to proofread for scientific errors or inconsistencies, and she’s helped develop a character into a much more compelling version of themselves several times.

The next hour is spent on discussing IQ’s research, involving frantic googling and article hopping on Wikipedia to help with finding the correct jargon – Twitch knows most of the technical terms in French, which doesn’t mesh well with IQ’s rusty school French, whereas her German accent makes it difficult for the other woman to understand her, so they try to meet in the middle somewhere by using English, despite the laborious process involved.

They’re on one wavelength. Always have been, from the moment they came across each other in Rainbow’s workshop, when Twitch still dyed her hair auburn and IQ barely spoke a word with the other operators: a friendly smile, an engineering-related question, a brief introduction, and they were a house on fire. Inseparable at work.

Twitch made sure it bled into their private lives as well, even if it took considerable effort. IQ never asked, but she’s sure her friend secretly celebrated that one day when she finally said yes to one of her suggestions of meeting up.

.

And it’s exactly why it hurts so fucking much to think -

.

“Manu.”

Twitch stops talking mid-sentence, probably caught off guard by her serious tone of voice. “Yes? Is everything alright?”

It might be. She hopes it will be. Her fingers stray to a loose thread peeking out of the seam of her trousers, picking at it. “We’ve been friends for a while now.”

Several years, in fact, an unimaginably long time. Not that IQ hasn’t been able to keep friendships alive for this long, but never one this close. The level of intimacy usually kept declining after a certain point, usually prompted by nothing, sometimes spatial distance, sometimes emotional. There aren’t many people who keep up with her over a long time, and even fewer she keeps up with – Blitz is a great friend, but he just doesn’t share her passions.

“And you’re one of the most generous people I know. Your first instinct when you have too many cookies is to give them away. I’ve always admired this about you.”

Twitch is listening intently. She knows something is up, yet can’t put her finger on it. Her brows are furrowed. IQ knows this from a brief glance before her gazed drops back down to her restless fingers.

“Julien and I had a conversation about you, not too long ago. And some of what he said was… unexpected.” Rustling; Twitch is beginning to fidget as well. “Unrelated to that, Dom overheard you voicing your frustration about your being single and mentioned it to me. I didn’t know you were that unhappy. You never said anything.”

She really likes you. Yeah, don’t wave me off. I’ve never seen her fawn over someone like this. You get special treatment all the time.

And then, more poignant: At this point, I’m basically ready to fuck anything that moves.

The second quote echoes in her mind as if she’d heard it herself instead of it being delivered second-hand. Both of them made her look back at the past months and re-evaluate some events. Showed them in a very different light.

Twitch is radiating anxiousness. It’s easy to pick up.

“I realise now that I’ve received a lot of special attention from you, and… I just have to wonder.” It’s harder and harder to push the words out, her throat closing up. “Wonder whether your present today is cookies and friendship, or cookies and a confession, or cookies and an expectation. Whether there’s some kind of motive attached.”

Her entire life, there’s never been anyone outside her family who understood her better. Being a woman in a male dominated field is difficult enough, especially as a competitive one, and her experiences aren’t easily conveyed to her guy colleagues – Twitch understands, of course, has faced the same obstacles and prejudices. Seeking patterns everywhere, striving for excellence, despising complacency, the overwhelming need to reverse engineer anything new or remarkable, exploring new places, wanting to always keep moving and improving – Twitch understands, has had a similar upbringing and equivalent goals.

They share almost everything at this point, have been on holidays together, mastered several projects with each other’s help, stayed up till sunrise because sleep was the inadequate alternative to exchanging ideas and pushing each other further than they’d go by themselves. Others have always tried to slow IQ down, force her to relax, take her mind off something she enjoyed chewing on, and it was infuriating.

All Twitch does is encourage her. Which paradoxically calms IQ more than any massage or empty-brained film ever could.

She doesn’t want to lose all this. Her chest hurts with the pressure of potentially losing someone this dear to her. But at the same time, she doesn’t want Twitch to get the wrong idea.

When silence is all she receives, she looks up to find Twitch fighting for composure – wide eyes filled with moisture and lip quivering. It’s a stab in the guts. IQ has never seen her cry.

“I don’t -”, Twitch chokes out, adding more quietly: “This isn’t -”

IQ sits next to her, reaching out but retreating when Twitch shakes her head, so all she does is take her hand. As always, her fingers are cold, so IQ closes her own around them. This isn’t at all what she intended, but she needs to know.

“Your friendship means the world”, comes a much more composed statement after a minute. “You should know this.”

She nods. She does know.

“And – and yes, if there was more, I’d be happy. Even happier than I am now. But there doesn’t need to be.” Twitch is speaking faster now, rushing the words, her melodic French accent thickening. “I’m fine with everything staying the way it is. I love being around you, no matter how, so if you’re not okay with – with anything else, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll get over it, no worries.”

“Manu. Breathe.” Seeing the other woman in a panic is a rare sight and IQ doesn’t enjoy knowing she’s the cause. “I love being around you, too. You’re my best friend, by far. But… I don’t want anything casual.”

Twitch needs a moment to digest this and IQ readies her responses: she’s had bad experiences with it in the past, and as far as she knows, arrangements like friends with benefits tend to make everything messy and awkward. Staying friends is the better option.

“Yes. Me neither.” A beat. Their eyes meet, Twitch’s still glistening.

There is an even better option, as far as IQ is concerned. And it seems to slowly dawn on the nearly perfect woman next to her.

“And… what about something not casual? But still more?”

Oh. The pressure begins to lift off her chest with every passing second, with every second that Twitch stares at her, hopeful, unsure. Slowly, she clarifies: “You mean – cookies and a confession?”

The nod is nearly imperceptible, and IQ probably almost breaks her fingers by squeezing so hard. The next thing she knows is she’s leaning forward and pressing their lips together, tasting the saltiness of perceived rejection as well as the disbelieving smile of actual acceptance, and then Twitch is laughing as well, crying in between relieved giggling, almost hysterical, and IQ joins in, and before they know it, they’re a mess on the sofa, hugging, seeking physical contact, pressing kisses to temples and hair and cheeks and lips again, wrapping arms around warm bodies.

Her heart is singing because while she so fiercely hoped, she barely dared to, was used to disappointments and therefore expected the worst, even ascribed traits to her best friend in the whole world who’d never stoop so low as to demand something from her she wasn’t ready to give. No, Twitch understands her and vice versa. Even so, it took them an embarrassingly long time to get to this point. In their shared joyousness, they barely manage to finish their sentences:

“What Dom heard me say wasn’t, I mean, I was just -”

“Yes, I figured, but it still got me thinking -”

“I was having a bad day, I’m not that frustrated -”

“Oh? That’s a shame, you know, I was actually looking forward to -”

“Monika!”, Twitch exclaims, scandalised even though they’re both aware IQ is joking, and by now they’re laughing like mad, especially because Twitch only uses her full name when she’s done something, so IQ resorts to tickling her in retaliation or maybe to distract her, and they both yelp when Twitch’s foot shoots up, gets caught on the rim of the cookie plate peeking over the coffee table’s edge, and catapults its contents everywhere. One manages to hit IQ in the face, the rest is scattered all over the floor, which sets them off again after a second of total silence.

“It’s fine, it’s fine”, Twitch gets out in between breaths, “I really do have tons more at home.” Which IQ believes her in a heartbeat.

Even though she’s pretty sure she got the lion’s share of the leftovers.

And just a second before they notice that the napkin on which the cookies were presented has caught fire, IQ thinks about how she dreaded spending Christmas at Hereford without her family – and she realises now she’ll be in great company regardless.

[petitetiddiez]

Favourite of your own characters.

Oh that’s really hard! It changes a lot, but as of right now I think it’s this:

1. Preeti - She’s honestly like the world’s hottest lesbian to me??? This gorgeous, outdoorsy musician who’s just a little big egotistical, but has a soft side. Kind of stereotypical, but I just love it. I’m a sucker for that kind of oc. Plus, she’s really cute with her girlfriend (who was almost on the list but JUST BARELY missed it)

2. Helen (who is now latina/indian like she DESERVES) - A huge brat that I’ve owned for many many years and who has been through MANY different fandoms (including some original work set in medieval times). She’s my baby--she’s complicated and deep and has one of the most in-depth backstories of any oc. She’s fun to ship and I can always think of good interactions for her. I just. Would die for her.

3. Tiffany - She’s new, but she’s another stereotype I really like: bimbos who are smart, but just unconventionally so. She’s obviously based really heavily on Elle Woods from Legally Blonde but also has developed her own kind of thing. She’s girly, but knows how to speak her mind; she’s privileged, but tries to be aware of it and put other people in the spotlight; she’s gay, but wants what most girly teeny-boppers want out of a relationship. She’s just fun to write, and I really love ocs that are just NICE FUCKING PEOPLE. Plus, her hair is super fun to draw!

4. Phaerie - I love old school Punk and other counter-culture movements, so that is what Phaerie encompasses. I also used to have a HUGE fixation on Drow (dark elves, a race in Forgotten Realms and other fantasy settings) and that’s originally what Phae was. She’s wild and fun and impulsive, she’s hilarious, she’s EVERYTHING I WANT in an oc! She’s so fun to rp as well. She has her soft side, her talents, her flaws, but they all feel like the most sensible ones? Like her actions are wild, but her motivations and development is simple and relatable. She struggled and felt like she had to force her way into the world, so she forces her way into EVERYTHING and fuck anybody who doesn’t like that. Plus, it’s fun to draw super punky or glam rock outfits for her to wear AND she’s based on Pizzazz from Jem and the Holograms so where can you go wrong??

5. Xander - So he’s uh... Also based on some existing characters. But, he’s become enough of his own oc to where I feel comfortable sharing.

My favorite game EVER is Baldur’s Gate, and there’s a certain mod that makes you able to romance the character Xan... Who I totally love and always end up romancing even though I’m a lesbian. This is Xan

MY Xan has developed into a super depressed bartender. He’s Jewish and anxious and has an insanely huge family that constantly picks on him because he’s anxious and easy to pick on. He grew up into a mess of an adult, especially since his only real skill is cheap magic tricks. He can’t keep a relationship because he’s so cynical and self-sabotaging, but he REALLY wants one and is a freak for romantic comedies. Whenever he manages to date a girl for long enough (and he usually picks girls who treat him badly because he doesn’t think he deserves better), he tries to make some big romantic gesture and fucks it up. He’s a mess and a slob. I adore him.

6. Xanthe - Yet another anxious wreck of a person, but this time the MOST anxious wreck there is. She’s agoraphobic, overly-critical, and her entire life is online. She’s a lesbian, but hasn’t figured that out yet and instead thinks she’s aro/ace. She’s very good with details and complex problems, which manifests in her being a talented programmer. SHe’s also a hacker by trade, paid to hack into company servers and point out their flaws so the company can patch those up. She also likes models and dolls--anything with lots of tiny parts and details that she can obsess over to pass the time.

7. Jules - First of all: he’s Helen’s half-brother and I love him. Jules was a really dramatic character back in the day, but after meeting his future wife he’s developed into more of a comedic character. He’s a loser musician--not UNTALENTED but also lacking any of the motivation to do what he needs to do to make a living with music. He’s... basically a slutty bisexual bard who has settled down and chilled out. Idk, he’s just funny. I love him. He also has the MOST detailed backstory of all my ocs--it’s about 20 pages long if written out. It’s. Whew. A lot.

8. Manda - Based on one of my best friends, she’s another extremely detailed oc (probably #2 behind Jules). She would’ve been my favorite, but since I’ve kind of ‘finished’ her story I find myself not using her much. She’s the spoiled child of a shady ass celebrity lawyer and doesn’t care about much of anything EXCEPT her skill as an actress. She struggled in relationships, thinking she was bi pretty much until she met her wife and NEVER UNDERSTANDING WHY she got so attached to the women she dated. She met her wife on a reality show, they dated long distance, and then Manda flew her to California to be together forever. Her story is crazy (she was married to her weed dealer for a while??) and I think her becoming the head of a production company after a successful film career is the perfect ending for her.

9. Nia - Not a lot to say about Nia, but more I love her design and I’m excited to develop her more? Mom friend lesbian ballerina twin. Love it. Really outspoken and direct. 

10. Rae - I have a huge soft spot for Rae because I think she’s the most similar to me?? Creative young girl from a small town who desperately wants to go somewhere more accepting. Spent most of her time online, and when she finally goes to college she goes ALL OUT trying to join every club, befriend all kinds of people, follow all the trends, and be the ‘It Girl’. It’s exhausting and she ends up crashing a lot of the time, but her optimistic/bubbly personality keeps her going. I said before that I love perky nice characters and that’s Rae to a T. Also she’s poly/bi so that makes her fun to work with when it comes to shipping