#and have basically replaced any other meal of mine

[st4rsinthenight]

★..ehem. Ignore this. or not-★

⭐|.. I love you tortilla with feta and sun dried tomatoes, I love you hardboiled eggs and feta combo, I love you spicy food, I love you spicy chorizo pasta, I love you sriracha and tabasco, I love you lettuce with salt, oil, and a ton shit of lemon, I love you salted caramel ice cream, I love you lemon slushies, I love you mint lemonade, I love you ice cold water, I love you waffles, I love you cheese and ham toasties, I-

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One

There’s a Beta standing in Eddie’s doorway. She’s slim, choppy ginger hair and red boots poking out from under the cuffs of her denim dungarees – Eddie likes her pretty much immediately.

She’s holding a plate.

She hasn’t managed to speak yet, but from down the hall, Eddie hears a voice hiss, “Robin!”

They both turn to look. The Omega of Eddie’s dreams face and...tummy...are both poking out of the doorway. He looks mortified.

“So sorry,” the Beta starts, “Steve was too embarrassed to come and ask a second time, but he’s basically had his nose pressed to the door for the past half an hour so…” she holds out the plate.

From down the hall, very faintly, the Omega, who Eddie now knows must be called ‘Steve,’ whines, “why are you like this,” and then clicks the door shut.

“I’m Robin, by the way,” and she holds out her non plate hand to shake.

Eddie ends up shaking one hand and taking the plate from the other. Eddie knew, objectively, that Steve must have a partner, but he still has to squish the disappointment of meeting them. “Eddie...just, give me a second. It’s chicken parm.”

Eddie goes and dishes up a portion, it was going to be tomorrows lunch but...he can’t deny the pretty little Omega anything. Maybe he should start cooking extra extras, even if Steve doesn’t come knocking, at least it’s a meal he can have another time.

“This is one of his favorites, no wonder he was so restless about it.”

“Yeah, well, anytime,” and Eddie could add that Robin should be making Steve’s favorites, but he doesn’t because he’s pretty sure Robin is cool and he already knows Steve is sweet and he’s just not that kind of person.

Much.

“I’m sorry, you’ve done what to the pulled pork?”

“Orange and Oregano, trust me Henderson, I’m about to blow your mind.”

“Uh hu, and someone else's by the look of it, you’ve cooked enough for us and that Omega guy twice over.” Eddie just rolls his eyes. “You got all your shit put away then?”

“Pretty much, and leave that alone.”

Dustin huffs but puts the spoon down and replaces the lid on the crock pot, “what are we having with it?”

“Was going to do dirty fries.”

“Oh my god. You’re a saint. A hero. You should be knighted like ye olde dragon-slayers of yore-”

“Yeah yeah, this will not score you any extra loot later.”

“Mayhap a smidgen of exper-” Dustin stops at the sound of knocking, looking to the door. “Is it your Omega?” He whisper hisses at Eddie.

“He’s not mine, he’s got a girlfriend,” Eddie whisper hisses back.

Doesn’t stop him pulling his shirt straight and tugging at his jeans and fluffing his hair real quick on the way to the door. All of that is kind of...reflexive, though.

Dustin’s smirk is actually slap worthy, and Eddie will get to that right after he answers the door.

“I am so sorry about this,” Steve is saying before Eddie even has the door fully open, “and I know you said you didn’t want anything, but I thought I could at least contribute.” He’s holding two plates, one empty, one stacked up with cookies, “they’re Reese’s.”

And Eddie’s mouth is watering, not just from the scent of Steve, but because he can see the chunks of partially melted Reese's pieces sticking out of the cookies, “they look incredible, thank you,” Eddie takes both plates, “it’s not actually ready yet, can I drop it by in like, thirty minutes?”

“Oh you are my hero,” Steve beams at him. It’s a happy smile, a smile that comes with the scent of pleased Omega. Happy Omega. Happy Omega with pup. The kind of smile and scent that digs it’s hooks deep into Eddie’s brain and fucking yanks.

“It��s pulled pork, would you rather fries or rice?” Eddie finds himself asking, completely on auto pilot.

“Whatever is easiest. Whatever you were already planning. Thank you so so much Eddie.”

Eddie watches Steve waddle back to his apartment down the hall before he turns, a plate in each hand, and nudges the door closed with his foot.

“Thank you so much Eddie. I made you cookies Eddie,” Dustin simpers from the couch, before making kissey noises.

“Oh shut the fuck up.”

Eddie stands in the hallway in his crocs. His apartment is new, so he has a strict no shoes policy; but he has a pair of crocs for in the hall and heading outside real quick. Also, they're comfortable as fuck, so Eddie refuses to be judged.

Especially since they’re black, and Dustin got him all these little button things that pop in the holes. Little swords and shields and D20’s and stuff. So they’re super cool.

Steve opens the door, wincing, one hand resting on the small of his back, but his face blooms back into the beautiful smile at the sight of Eddie. It does something, very briefly, to Eddie. That reaction. And then he viciously reminds himself that the reaction was for Eddie’s food and not at all for Eddie himself.

Steve goes to take the plate but, “it’s hot, I warmed the plate up in the stove, let me put it down somewhere for you?” A trick Eddie learned in his month of working in a kitchen one Christmas when he was a teenager, but it never left him, and he didn't want Steve’s dinner to go cold.

“Oh, gosh, you’re so thoughtful Eddie, come right in.”

Eddie’s heart gives a little flutter at Steve’s praise, and Steve shifts out of the way, letting Eddie into an apartment that’s a mirror of his own. It’s very neat and tidy inside; everything very clearly has a place. Nothing looks brand new, but everything does look well cared for.

Steve directs Eddie to the little two seater dining table, where there’s a place set. It’s so freaking adorable, a place mat with flowers and kittens printed on it, a white folded napkin, cutlery and a glass of juice set out. A single daffodil in a tiny vase.

Eddie puts the plate down carefully, turning to see Steve blushing furiously. “Sorry, I don’t get out much and I wanted to make it nice.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s cute,” Eddie says, even as he feels himself grow irritated yet again with Robin, Steve’s nose twitches, eyeing Eddie with concern, so he does his best to push it down, “well,” Eddie tries his best to be cheerful, “I really hope you enjoy it. Maybe your girlfriend will take you out tomorrow?” He tries to say that with no hint of spite whatsoever.

Steve blinks at him, “girlfriend?”

“Robin? I thought...aren’t you two..?”

Steve snorts a laugh, actually ugly laughs and snorts like a cute little piggy and has to bring his hand up to his face to try and hide his reaction, “no. No, she’s my best friend. She’s home with her girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Eddie says, processing, “oh. Right sorry, I just, assumed…” he can’t stop his eyes from, briefly, flicking to Steve’s tummy.

“It’s okay,” Steve’s smiling at him, “you can ask.”

“Well...I mean when I thought you were with Robin I just assumed you’d used a donor or…”

“Yep!” Steve pops the ‘P’. “I did do that, and I did go to the appointments with Robin, but I’m single. Going it alone.”

And then Steve does quite possibly the sexiest thing Eddie’s ever seen in his entire life; he bares his throat, “see, no bite.”

Eddie has to clear his throat and shift a little where he's standing, lest his inconvenient biological reaction become overly obvious, “why did you decide to, uhm…”

Steve shrugs, smiling happily, “guess I just never was lucky enough to meet the right Alpha.”

And then Steve’s tummy rumbles very aggressively.

“I’ll let you eat your-”

“Gosh excuse me I’m-”

They speak at the same time, and then both end up laughing.

“I’ll leave you to your dinner,”

“Thanks again Eddie, I really do appreciate it.”

Part three

[weebsinstash]

I want yandere Alastor being the biggest fucking hypocrite on the block and getting painfully humbled by reality so fucking bad you don't understand

I want a story where you stumble into becoming his friend with benefits, become the person who gets him interested in sex as a physical activity, and then one day you ask him "hey, what are we?" And his response being ABSOLUTELY RUDE AS HELL, albeit unintentionally, and you immediately cut him off from sex because his reply was basically the equivalent of "you're fun to sleep with, but the rest of you? No :)" (and also maybe he didn't even fully mean it, maybe he only partially meant it but he can tell he's forming some kind of new emotion for you and he doesn't want that to become a point of weakness for him so he's pushing you away but once you're actually gone he wants you back more than ANYTHING--)

I want yandere Alastor who laughs in your face if you nervously ask him if you're his girlfriend or something but then when you show up around town with another man less than a week later and he sees how easily you REPLACED HIM, he's just absolutely losing his mind. What do you MEAN you were still sleeping with other men this whole time?!?! The Radio Demon was getting SLOPPY SECONDS??? WHY would you let these-these disgusting bastards DEGRADE YOU-- meanwhile you and him could've been having like hardcore bdsm sex with actual degradation or some semi respectful form of it and he's STILL over here "B B BUT THESE MEN PROBABLY DONT EVEN RESPECT YOU--" and neither did you, you laughed in my fucking face you bitch!!!

yandere Alastor just having to sit and have a fulllll glass of whiskey and ruminate on his thoughts as he tries to come to terms with these sudden EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE feelings and urges he has. What do you MEAN he wasn't providing anything for you that you couldn't get somewhere else AND BETTER AND ALREADY HAVE BEEN? what do you MEAN you're making gifts for and going out and having actual fun dates with some of these men? What do you fucking MEAN YOU'RE 'ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW' AND WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH ALASTOR EVEN IF HE APOLOGIZED BECAUSE YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY--

Alastor hardcore coping, trying not to think about you at all, telling himself he just needs time and this'll all blow over and he wont even think about you anymore, and eventually finds his feet carrying him to your favorite jazz club that he would take you to, AND YOU'RE ALREADY THERE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Now THIS is what causes Alastor to finally have a public episode. No, some RANDO can't come with you HERE, this is YOUR place, OUR place, it's special, it's for Alastor and you ONLY!! basically turns him into a little kid stomping his foot going no no no that's MINE!!!

This narcissistic ass man really ain't shit, over here responding to your actually extremely valid question of "what are we?" because you were actually trying to respectfully ask him if there were any certain boundaries or if you were now exclusive, and he hits you with some deflective dehumanizing diversion like "what makes you think I would have THOSE kinds of feelings about YOU?" until he's painfully aware you're sleeping with another man, kissing another man, making hot meals for another man, holding his hand tenderly as you take a leisurely stroll, GOD FORBID HE CATCHES WIND OF ANY MARRIAGE TALK, HE WILL FUCKING L O S E IT

Juat the idea of him being so close to having what he wants - your body, heart, AND mind- and he fucks it up big time and ruins your relationship and self esteem so badly. He tries to pretend that he doesn't need your attention and/or affection but the second he doesn't have EITHER, he's a jealous mess trying to literally one-up whomever you're with, show off, impress you, usually digging his hole even deeper. Alastor becoming more unpredictable over time, literally losing sleep over you, absolutely CONVINCED 500% that all of these, shall we say, "more modern men" that you're choosing are not even worth the dirt in the treads of your shoes.

Just twirling my hair kicking my feet thinking bout yandere Alastor, becoming dead-set on genuinely and fully believing he has to save you not just from these men, but also yourself. Oh honey, he's so sorry, CLEARLY this is his fault for not watching over you better. He already knew you were... delicate and naive, but here you are, running around letting these men treat you like some kind of object just because you need what you perceive as acceptance and validation. It almost breaks his heart, truly, but don't worry darlin'! He's a southern gentleman and, SURELY he can turn up the charm and make it clear to you that you MISUNDERSTOOD HIM, right? :) You're going to GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, right? :)

genuinely, i feel like this man is more likely to try and gaslight you into believing you completely misinterpreted what he said instead of just apologizing let alone ADMITTING that he himself didn't communicate jack shit about shit, wasn't honest or up front about his feelings, and may have even be intentionally cruel to you in a moment of weakness to try and keep his own insecurities at bay, but then is fully capable of convincing, some may even say BRAINWASHING you into believing, oh sweetie, if these DEGENERATE DELIQUENTS somehow convinced you that your best friend and future husband is somehow your enemy, then, CLEARLY he hasn't been keeping you close enough to properly care for you and help you keep a clear head, has he? guess it's a good thing both of you are Sinners and he has NOTHING but time to show you EXACTLY what his intentions are. So, dear doe, which do you like the sound of more: a spring wedding, or a summer wedding, or maaaaaybe you two could even get hitched during some lovely acid rain so your new spouse can demonically laugh at all your screaming "gentleman callers" captive in the wedding audience who "accidentally" weren't put under any gazebos or any sort of protection while being forced to watch Alastor take you away--

[mishafletcher]

hi, and welcome to the 'frequently asked questions about cooking is terrible' post! some of these are scattered in other places around my blog, but i figured i'd collect them for ease of reading. if you want to read the promo post about the book, you can go here.

as always, purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

is cooking actually terrible/how can you say you hate cooking/cooking is an art form and you're disrespecting it see, the thing here is that i'm actually a good cook! i've cooked for a living before, i'll happily pull together a meal for fifty with twenty-four hour notice, and i love a cooking project. i love cooking for community. what i fucking hate, though, is having to somehow produce food for myself, and then consume it, multiple times a day, every day, for apparently the entire rest of my life.

some people love cooking, and i genuinely admire you. sometimes i don't mind it or even enjoy it, and on those nights, i don't need this book. sometimes i'm too tired or in too much pain or too busy playing a video game or too depressed, though, and the idea of spending thirty minutes making food i don't care about makes me want to walk into the sea, and on those days, yeah, cooking is terrible.

is this book vegetarian friendly? yes! there are a handful of recipes where the point of it is meat, but probably 90% of the book is either vegetarian or has options to make it vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for about a decade, and still tend not to cook a ton of meat because the cost of messing it up is so high. there are a number of recipes that call for things like 'chunks of chicken or tofu', but tofu is cheap and delicious, so i'm just as likely to use that as i am chicken.

is this book vegan friendly? maybe. if you're comfortable with things like vegan cheese and plant-based yogurt, the answer is probably yes. the biggest issue for vegans will be dairy, but there are a lot of good vegan dairy replacements out there.

is this book friendly for [basically any other dietary restrictions]? yes again! everything is designed to be pretty flexible. if you're comfortable with the basics how to substitute things for your specific needs, you should be fine with this. (by 'basics of how to substitute', i mean 'tamari instead of soy sauce' or 'gluten-free noodles' or 'sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter' level of substitutions.) i have severe food allergies, so am very much on board the substitutions train.

is this book useful for people with chronic pain and/or mental health issues? you are very literally the target audience, because i, too, am a disabled person with chronic pain and adhd and other assorted mental health issues. when i started writing this book, it wasn't a book—it was a text file that i could read over when my brain wasn't working well enough to provide me with instructions for complex tasks such as 'make sandwich'.

is this useful for people living in [almost literally anywhere in the world]? unless you live in a place where you can't buy staple foods like rice, beans, and vegetables, it's probably useful. i've personally bought everything mentioned in the cookbook at stores in the us and australia, and have also checked availability at tesco and rewe. there are sometimes minor differences in what things are called, and occasionally one thing or the other is entirely unavailable, but probably 99% of ingredients can be easily purchased in most supermarkets.

do i need to have fancy appliances for this to be useful? hard no. there is zero slow cooker, instant pot, stand mixer, or even rice cooker content in this.

i assume that you have a knife, a bowl, and a source of heat. some things are easier (or nicer) if you also have a $20 immersion blender (mine's from kmart), but that's as fancy as we're getting. i wanted to keep the barrier to food as low as possible.

is it easy to modify recipes in this? yes, and a bunch of recipes are either lists of suggestions (sandwiches! rice toppings!) or have variations listed.

what kind of recipes are in this book? there's a range of them.

stuff that needs no cooking at all—sandwiches, dips, smoothies, salads, etc.

bowls of stuff: pasta, rice, soups you can make in ten to fifteen minutes, oats, etc. using ready-cooked rice or pasta is 100% fine by me, so this focuses pretty heavily on quick and easy toppings.

stuff you cook while you watch netflix, like 'throw this into the oven and then ignore it for an hour'. more importantly, lists of ideas for how to use the things you cooked.

baking and desserts, none of which require more than about five minutes of hands-on work.

if this list is insufficiently convincing, i've also put up a couple example recipes here.

which storefront/format is best? honestly and truly, on my end, it doesn't matter that much—after various fees and things come out, it's within about 50c of each other for ebooks, and maybe a dollar for physical books. amazon currently nets me slightly more than other retailers, but that's changed in the past and will likely change again.

on your end, amazon is probably the cheapest way to get a print copy (and—in the interest of full disclosure—is slightly more money for me, as well). amazon's printing costs are significantly less than anyone else's are, so the book is cheaper there.

why are there so many price points? this is partly because publishing at this point is several business models in a trenchcoat, and partly because retailers can set their own prices and discounts. if you see very low prices, especially at big vendors like amazon, they've decided it's worth it to sell the book at a loss. i have no idea why, but i get the same royalties from it.

if you see very high price points—like $40+ for the paperback version—it's because the vendor is using a traditional-publishing business model and pricing accordingly. please do not buy this book for forty dollars. anywhere in north america and europe, the paperback should be between 10 and 20 of the local currency (dollar, pound, or euro); australians might see it as high as $22 because it costs more to have things printed here.

i want to reiterate: please do not buy this book for many tens of dollars. one, maybe two tens, fine. but forty is as many as four tens, and that's terrible.

is there a print version of this book? i used to get this a lot, and then there was an amazon-only paperback version and i got it less, and now there's a paperback version that you should be able to buy anywhere you buy books.

worth noting is that the available print versions are not spiral bound. if you would like a spiral bound copy and you feel strongly enough about this that you'd like to have it printed and bound yourself, the digital versions (most usefully the pdf from gumroad) have an explicit 'please feel free to print or have this printed' release.

and again—because i get called out for this not infrequently—purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

[foundinfantasy]

Not a Modder (Just like to think creatively)

THE SIMS 4 HORSE RANCH

These were ideas I had before the pack came out with just knowing we were getting horses, nectar making, and mini-goats and sheep and just thought of how much more they could've done.

Tabletop dancing -> broken arm, leg, drunken antics, ie consequences

Bulk -> sell to bars, shipping, packaging, (carton of eggs, wine, boxes of apples), (personally would like to see cat and dog food as a purchasable item, cans and bags and tupperware)

Scouts update - > fundraising, bake sales / cookie drive, and horse camp

Lasso -> toddler to elder, child+ competitions

billiards -> social activity for teen+, random outcome, betting, pool hall

motorcycles -> we have bikes, wouldn't this basically be the same animation without the moving feet.

Rodeos - > with zero pixel animal abuse - social event and competition (using mechanical bull riding) at a saloon lot type with saloon doors

glasswork, ironwork, stones -> gold or stones from river, mining, making horseshoes, glassblowing, bead-making

any indigenous gameplay?! Sage harvestable, burnable, craftable sage, weaving skill, dreamcatchers, totems, blankets, books/conversing with sim about culture - > beads, jewelry, knitting addons - > crafting table

horse plow -> attachable wheel barrow to mass harvest all

mischief and politics -> new protests, new policies, and the urban legend of cowtipping

petting zoo - > update to barn to free llama and cow, ability to lock bunnies in, employee a fox, [just adding snakes and lizards]

nectar making - > should've been in mws - winetasting, order bottle during meal, blends, nameable, snob interactions and/or moodlets about the notes, make box wine [low, get drunk quick quality],

stare down - > rude introduction

pianola - > upgradable to play on its own [even though not historically accurate] - > ability to play piano drunk

MY IDEAS AFTER THE PACK WAS RELEASED (and I've spent like two days in game, not bored just drawing out that single drop of gameplay) - this is mainly where the "not a modder" comes in as I have no idea how easy or difficult it would be to add these things.

First off, lock that dance behind a skill or something

A Wandering Cowboy Mod - a cowboy NPC shows up randomly at my doorstep, is he hurt, is he friendly, is he a burglar, is he here to start a quest???

^^^ same concept but Alien Crash landing

Horses that steers goats/cattle back.

Ability to lead horses

Horse betting / mini game (make my rich sims poor)

Obvi, wild horses

Ability to brush teeth and/or an actual horse bath

Horsegirl books, toys, interactions,

Holster gun match with chances of misfire, with either possibly dying, etc, (historic version of this too)

Gunslingers and Bounty Hunters

obvi, Unicorn things; could be cool if used to cure all sickness/alignments from other mods and/or resets their age and/or work like Father Winter.

Bank Heists

A fiddle or banjo.

Ability to craft all the furniture with woodworking table.

Falling off the horse -> consequences

Replace in-game harvestable grapes with debug grape vines

Dual riders, teach to ride for children, romantic kiss where one sim is on the horse and the other is standing below them, lift onto horse to kiss, thrown over the horse and taken, watching stars together while sitting on horses

Nothing to do with westerns but the rocking horse mod made me want a rocket ride coin machine mod

Add with more thoughts later.

[greenlikethesea]

However many mutuals, 15 questions. Thanks @dodger-chan for tagging me, it was cool to learn about you!!

1. are you named after anyone?

My government name is just a name my mother thought was pretty, with the middle name being a family middle name. The name I go by currently (sometimes, anyway) is after a character in an indie movie.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Oh god, two days ago? I cry so much. I feel things super deeply and I cry very easily. It's something I've struggled with my entire life and have tried to keep heavily in check due to the whole "white woman tears" thing, but emotional regulation is not a strong suit of mine.

3. do you have kids?

I do not and I don’t think I will have any. I admire people who have them, and I actually like kids! I just don’t think I’m meant to be a parent. I think when I'm older and more financially stable, I'd like to foster teenagers.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

To some extent. I used to be a lot more sarcastic, but a well of tenderness has sprung up inside me and replaced it with sincerity. It makes me feel a hell of a lot better day to day.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

I’ve done swimming and skating, and I did the standard sports in gym class. I’m decidedly not a sports person but I do think jocks are very hot, haha. The exercise I do currently is solo stuff (walking, running, weight lifting, yoga) or stuff that's technically exercise but more fun (dancing! zumba!).

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their posture and their hair, two things about myself that I am very fixated on so I zero in on them with others. And, of course, what they're wearing!

7. what’s your eye colour?

Blue-ish.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I refuse to choose! They both have value and there’s room for both in my life! My favorite genre is horror comedy if you couldn’t tell.

9. any special talents?

I think people consider the writing and music thing special, but they're just essential parts of my being, so here are things I consider special: can cook a decent meal out of whatever is in my house. I am good at lip syncing. I can accurately guess the beat drop in basically any song.

10. where were you born?

NYC.

11. what are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, making music, theater, trivia, collaging, road trips, hiking, beach going in the summer.

12. do you have pets?

Not anymore :( I recently had to put my cat to sleep. I want a pet again in the future, and when I'm a bit more financially stable I definitely want a dog.

13. how tall are you?

5’3.5” (161.29 cm)

14. favourite subject at school?

English for the conventional stuff. But really, Chorus of any kind. I went to a performing arts high school and I loved that for four periods out of my school day, I got to sing.

15. dream job?

I'm not certain if I have a dream job! I kind of want to do a bit of everything. But right now, I'm working toward something I really like -- community outreach and guest experience at a cultural center, which may turn into event planning and hosting later on.

tagging @tony-buddenbrook @cchapsticck @laundrybiscuits @senorablack @campgender @r-o-s-e-f-i-r-e and whoever else wants to do it!

[queerautism]

I know this is random but you've always been so kind about listening so...

It... shouldn't really be a luxury to buy new, matching furniture that won't need to be replaced for a good few decades when you first move out. Not even necessarily all your furniture, just some of the most-used pieces. To have enough room for a small kitchen table, a couch, a few bookshelves, and space on your wall to hang clumsy art you make yourself.

To have a decent wardrobe where you can replace clothes when they wear out, to be able to affoed to do laundry, to have clothes last a good few years and be comfortable and fit (especially for me as a fat autistic person TT), to have like... a small section of "nice" stuff from mall stores that you didn't even have to buy on clearance, and the rest to come from consignment and thrift stores and a few from walmart if necessary (I know, I hate the corp but the clothes are comfy, well made, and actually have decent plus sized ranges -_-).

And after that to still have enough to buy nice things that you like - whether saving up for a gaming system or PC, having a fund for car maintenance if you live in a place where it's necessary, to be able to get books or dice or dolls or board games or other little collection things at a steady and not overly consumerist pace, to have space to put them...

And before even that to not have to eat plain rice for half a month when you have disordered eating patterns due to sensory issues, but to always have enough of safe foods to be able to meal plan all month.

Idk, supporting my partner and I off my SSI, plus a small stipend from my dad (so less than 1200 a month for two people), even with section 8 and 42), is wearing me down. It'll get a little easier when my partner gets SSI, but... idk.

Maybe what I want IS too consumerist, some kind of middle class pipe dream. Maybe what I'm actually craving is just stability and security anyway. Who knows. I just - so many things I was incredibly lucky to grow up with now are as inaccessible as gold bricks and mined diamonds (yuck!) the size of my head. Can't even afford mobility devices, food that doesn't trigger my MCAS, etc, and quite honestly I'm sick and tired of having to try and "budget my way out of poverty" like that one old Nilla wafers minimum wage post said.

I am not abled enough to DO the labor to afford cheap meals that don't make me sick for an extra 3-5 days and that doesn't cover the last week and a half anyway.

That makes a decently made couch that doesn't set off my sensory issues sound like a genie lamp.

Blech this turned into a bit of a whiny vent 😅

Have a joke: How are a toilet and a computer similar? Their "IP" addresses! ;)

Thanks for listening though. Even if you don't have the spoons to respond just, thank you

I really, really feel this. We're on a similar situation and Dave's place still has barely no furniture. When it started to get proper cold, I didn't have any actual appropriate clothes for a couple weeks. My food issues and gluten intolerance are a huge burden on our food budget, and I feel awful about it.

These are basic things no one deserves to struggle this much with. You absolutely deserve better than that. I understand your situation, I see how hard you're trying to make everything work, and I'm proud of you.

[pithyorangecurd]

Banh Mi

Banh mi is a nice easy on the go meal with very little work to it. It's main components are flavored meats, pate, mayo, pickled veg, chilis, fresh herb, and crispy veg.

Im not a fan of pate, just because im sensitive to nose feel, so when I make banh mi I don't add it. For the bread its things like baguette, focaccia, or any other crispy outside soft inside breads like it. Using thinner breads like regular white bread will offset the flavors, and tend to rip apart when eating because of the amount of veg. Foccacia is most available to me because we use it at work, so its what I usually go for. For the bread you toast it lightly with a mixture of mayo sriracha and worchestershire sauce.

The pickled veg can either be had on hand or made on the fly, whatever veg you have around just put in a jar with a cup of water, a fourth cup of rice wine, tbs of sugar and salt, add any other spices you prefer with pickling. I have a pickling blend that comes premixed but if I were pressed to say what I actually like it would be bay leaf, peppercorn, mustard seed, and coriander. Leave that for an hour and bobs your uncle, on the fly pickled veg, just be sure to chop it thinly.

Fresh veg is things like lettuce, cucumber, bean sprout, predominantly watery textured veg. <- not how people describe these things but its how i see it in my heart. Just slice to preference and add it, i like to lay out my lettuce in sheets and take all my fresh and pickled veg and make wraps like that, to layer the sanwich with. Just for cleanliness.

Herbs and chilis are any chili to preference, i know birds eye is good and etc etc but im texas boy girl so im always partial to jalapeno. I roast mine (just turn on the stove and put it straight on the burner. Turn it when you hear it crackling until theres some char all the way around it) bc it brings out the sweetness of it, and i like to snack on them while i work. Yum. Uhmmm basic herbs tho. Cilantro, green onion, you can add mint or basil but I have a preference towards basil.

The meat can be any kind of meat you want, but I like to do a sweet heat pork with mine.

Sweet Pork:

Boil water on the stove, while I goes to temp thinly slice pork, put it in the water and let it boil for a minute. Drain in strainer and rinse, let sit to dry, while that dries put a pan on the stove, let heat on mid high for a few minutes, add sugar and fully caramelize. Add pork, soy sauce, dark soy sauce, and shaoxing wine. It should be 2:1:6 in your ratio, so. Idk? On that? I just eyeball it. Toss it to coat, add a pinch of five spice if you have it, toss to coat, add half a cup of water cover and leave it alone for five minutes, uncover and let reduce to desired consistency. Stoves and heats can differ so be sure to check it, if you think it should go covered longer then go for it, and thickening may very.

^ that is basically a stolen and reutilized hong shau rou recipe, but i think its rly nice. Typically used with pork belly it really works well with a lot of pork in general, and give a sort of sweet sticky coating that I really appreciate.

That said, its any flavorful meat, whatever you have on hand so long as its prepared in a flavorful manner, ive done a couple different things but find that I just rly do like sweet pork. If you want quick easy recipes for meats to check the market of things id recommend my mommy [not fr] souped up recipes. She does a great job explaining how to use things, why you do them, and the importance of certain foods and dishes.

I wouldnt worry about using chinese recipes to a viet dish, im like. Working on some quesaburria rn and when I finish eating these, ill save some meat and freese the rest and make the quesaburria meat into banh mi in a couple days when I want it again. So like :shrug:. All that to say, banh mi is just smth you throw together when youre hungry, there are staples, and things to replace, and change for taste, but like just do your thang, she's just a sandwich.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Disabled, extremely poor, and struggling

I’ve been trying so hard not to ask for help lately, esp cuz I’ve been begging for someone else’s needs who’s in a worse situation than mine, buuuuut... I’m starting to feel pretty desperate.

If you’ve followed me for awhile you might know I’m physically disabled by severe chronic illness, and my income is around $800 a month, total.

I have had a lot of unexpected expenses recently, mostly because of a bed bug infestation that’s lasted through two months and multiple professional treatments.

A lovely friend has helped me with some of my most urgent unexpected needs, and I’ve now replaced my bed frame that broke from frequent moving for bed bug treatments (thank you!!) and gotten some diatomaceous earth and some other urgent needs met.

However I now have $2.90 in my bank account and a growing list of things I need to come up with money for, including groceries, laundry, and three specialists (one to get medical equipment I urgently need) & one set of labs I’ve been rescheduling over and over because I can’t afford the Ubers to get to them.

Laundry in my building is $6-7 a load, and the infestation means I need to do a lot more of it. The extra work has also made my groceries more expensive, since I'm very ill and physically can’t keep up with the bugs AND cook my meals from scratch.

Basically, I’m struggling, and I’m desperate enough to e-beg. Even a little help would make a big difference.

I have a wishlist with some of the things I need on it, and gift cards that would let me get the other things from different places. I can’t use p@ypaI or ca5happ or things like that, sorry!

Please don’t feel any pressure to donate, and please only donate if you’re a financially secure adult who genuinely wants to.

Even a dollar would make a huge difference to my life right now.

you can donate here

[myownprivatcidaho]

taking care of yourself with covid - a checklist

as someone whos recently tested covid+ as of december 29th, i wanted to share some things that ive found to be useful in dealing with it

the singlemost point to remember is this virus is extremely new, so the immune system is learning to adjust. alongside treating your symptoms, be sure to help your body strengthen during this time as well

• Nutrients

- vitamin c strengthens the immune system. take tablets or gummies or both, but be sure to get that into your system on a consistent basis

       + zinc also strengthens the immune system. as well as 2 vitamin c tablets ive been taking 2 Nature's Way zinc gummies a day (though 1 a day is perfectly fine)

- oranges/orange juice are rich in vitamin c

- 3 square meals, 4 food groups has been something ive started to try holding myself to each day. if you have any differences in your diet then adjust as needed, but in any manner be sure to get the basic nutrients in there. try holding yourself to the basics if nothing else to support your bodily functions and keep them consistent.

      + doesnt in any way have to be fancy -- grilled cheese, tomato soup, and heated vegetables have been my go-to for the past three nights now. it can even be your average joe depression meal of various foods that dont traditionally "work" together, but the bottom line isnt variety, its that youre eating what you need

- tea: Ive been having a cup of sambucus tea a day. alongside treating my congestion with the content, the hot liquid also gives some relief to the headaches

      + also been having a cup of orange clove tea a day as it also boosts the immune system (used to never drink hot tea but you gotta do what you gotta do)

• hygiene

keep your space as clean as possible

- laundry: try to wash your bedding & clothing every couple days (especially try and avoid doing the Thing where you stay in the same outfit for over 24 hours)

      + ive been washing my laundry separate from the people i live with, so if possible id recommend that

- wipe down surfaces when youre done with them, preferably with disinfectants

- dishes: ive been washing my dishes on their own (instead of the dishwasher with others' dishes), pouring soap & boiling water over them before scrubbing. also pouring soap & boiled water over the brush when im done using it

- phones: phones get extremely gross with bacteria growth as theyre a) very warm and b) constantly touched. ive been wiping mine down with rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab or toilet paper every day to keep it clean

- shower often. doesnt have to be the whole event with hair & body jazz each day, but keep your body clean as possible

- oral hygiene: been using antiseptic mouthwash after brushing. if nothing else be sure to replace your toothbrush with a new one once youre feeling better

• miscellaneous

ive essentially just ended up doing the basic self-care things i should've already been doing as a depressed person, but c'est la vie this has been the catalyst for me.

• ive worn a mask around the house to avoid spreading it, but realized im probably trapping in the respiration. as a solution ive been sitting outside so i can take my mask off, and the fresh air has been good

• VapoRub on the chest every night has helped with congestion

• this is generally a given but if you haven't yet, and if you can, get vaccinated as soon as possible. nervousness of a new vaccine is understandable, but bottom line you cannot make a medical judgement more valid than that of a professional in the field of medical study.

      + also a given but uhhh. quarantine as long as possible. dont go out and about whenever symptoms stop because you will still be covid+ in the days following becoming asymptomatic. when you stop showing symptoms get PCR tested to be sure

• last but not least listen to your body. get as much rest as possible to help your immune system and try to stay relaxed

as a final note, ive made this list as a person who does not live with a chronic illness and/or an immunodeficiency, so if theres anything you believe would be helpful to others, please please PLEASE feel welcome to add on to this list

[fuck-customers]

its awfully convenient that my one coworker, 4 shifts outta the 5 he worrks, gets nauseous at exactly 12:30, disappear into the bathroom/out back smoking, in the back, everywhere but where he's supposed to be, only to show up 5 minutes before his shift ends right as rain and book it out the door with his shit after clocking out. The time he's gone varies anywhere from 2 hours to 4+ hours.

like i would get it if he had medical issues or w/e, none of my business, but like he already barely does his job when he's at his station, and half the time he's outside smoking for an hour before going back to the bathroom like "ooo my stomach hurts :(" And it means that I then have to juggle his station with the other one or two i'm already on because like, what am I supposed to do? Not finish any orders because no one's making the salads?

What really takes the cake is the fact he got employee of the month. And everything listed... is all the shit **I** do for him. "Keeps his station cleen, stocked, and gets great looking salads out quickly," NAH BITCH THATS ME DOING HIS JOB AND MINE!!! AND HES TAKING THE CREDIT!!! HOW CAN HE DO SHIT IF HE'S MIA??? But the GM doesn't do **her** job either and barely leaves the office except to make her 5th meal in her 6 hour shift :/ but thats a different rant all together.

I could just. Not stock or clean his shit but it ultimately puts me super behind and I end up having to do it anyway when I'm inevitably the only employee for 3+ stations for 2 hours (like, the openers and 9 am-ers are scheduled to leave at 2, and during the week especially no one is here to replace them until 4 pm or 5 pm. But I come in at 11 or 12 so then it's Me who's stuck)

idk i like him as a person but hate working with him. he's super lazy when he *does* stay at his station, and I really don't buy his little "I don't feel well" act. If he really didn't feel well he'd tell a manager and leave early, and it wouldn't be basically every single shift. I'm not the only one who noticed either, another coworker brought it up to the MIC today bc she was done with his shit too. And I would get it if he needs the money and therefore can't/won't leave early, but he has said in numerous conversations that he doesn't *need* the job he was just doing something to get out of the house because he was getting lazy. m

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Merlin and Arthur bond like never before, and war preparations are being made

Morgana sees something... worrying

Part 3 of Merlin’s angry outburst.

Part 1   Part 2   Part 4   Part 5

The next morning, everyone is up early. Merlin pays a quick trip to Gaius, to inform him of his and Arthur’s plan for that evening (earning a raised eyebrow and a concealed smirk) before meeting Morgana at the castle gates, and heading off.

Everyone is busy, and no one in the gang crosses paths for more than a few moments the whole day.

Merlin and Morgana spend almost the whole day at the Druid camp, learning what they can, and asking for healers. (Morgana gives her own raised eyebrow and smirk when Merlin requests the ingredients he’ll need to forge a mental link, but doesn’t say anything.)

Gaius is busy bustling around with the servants he was provided, instructing them on what herbs to collect, where they would be found, and how to harvest properly.

Leon has Elyan, Gwaine, and Lancelot, lead small groups of knights in opposite directions, tasked with heading to the outermost villages, and warning them of the potential danger. Leon himself and Percival stay behind, and continue to oversee training and organisation of extra patrols, and intelligence gathering.

Arthur has meetings throughout the day, mainly focused on the public announcement that would take place the next day, as well as letters to be sent to the lower town. News travelled fast in Camelot, but they wanted to make sure that everyone knew as soon as possible.

Gwen spent the day moving between the forgery, Arthur, and Gaius, making sure everyone had what they needed, and pointing out flaws or missed opportunities wherever she could.

The council may have hated her when Arthur was first crowned (”She’s just a serving girl, My Lord!”) but Arthur had shut that down quickly, and made sure everyone knew that Gwen was a trusted advisor, and was to be treated as such. And even if he hadn’t made that point, no one could deny that she was quick witted, and always made good suggestions.

The Gang gathers once again in the evening, dining together. A small hall off to the side of the throne room had become their sort of HQ, the place they congregated for meals and meetings for just the ten of them. There was only one door in, and they each had their own keys (the only ones made).

Each of them updates everyone on their progress, one by one.

Leon informs the group of when Elyan, Gwaine, and Lancelot are expected back (not for a while, it was a couple days ride to the furthest villages, and they had plenty of places to visit), and how the training is going.

Gaius happily reports that preparations for the infirmary were going quickly, even more so when he was joined by all the healers that M+M had brought back with them from the Druid camp.

Gwen tells that, whilst progress was slow at the moment, the forgery was expecting a large shipment of materials by the end of the week, and work would speed up drastically once it arrived.

Morgana reports that the Druids have only seen what she has, but they’ve promised to spread the word, and try to gather any extra information. They would be sending a few more healers once some more of the Clans had gathered together.

All in all, it’s been very successful. Despite the Kingdom only being one day into preparations for a full scale war, things are going smoothly, and none of them are feeling the pressure of panic in their skulls.

The meeting only lasts as long as dinner does, everyone still having important tasks to complete before it was time to sleep.

Other than Merlin and Arthur, Gaius is the last to leave the room, looking back and saying (with a raised eyebrow, of course):

“I’ve left everything you’ll need in The King’s chambers, do you wish for me to join you and oversee it, in case?”

Merlin replies first (not quite sure why he’s blushing):

“No, no it’s fine. Thank you Gaius. We can always send a guard for you if we need anything.” With that, Gaius heads off, and with a deep breath, Merlin stands, and gestures for Arthur to follow.

They make their way to Arthur’s chambers quickly, the silence just a little uncomfortable. Both of them wondering if they should ask the other if they’re sure one last time. Neither of them say anything.

They enter the rooms to see that Gaius has indeed placed everything neatly on the table, one of his old books lying open on a specific age, and two pain relief potions set to the side.

“Merlin are you-

“I’m fine with it, but are you-”

Both of them speak at the same time, before chuckling quietly and pausing. Merlin is the first to speak again:

“It’ll only take a few minutes to put everything together, but then there’s a spell to be said by both of us-”

Arthur widens his eyes in slight panic at that, but Merlin interrupts before he says anything:

“Don’t worry, you can just repeat after me. You’ll have to copy the symbol as well, I’ll need to paint something over your heart, and then you’ll have to paint the corresponding one over mine, you can copy from the book.”

Arthur takes a deep breath in an effort to calm his nerves (it doesn’t work) before replying to a now busy Merlin:

“I’m not magic and I... what if I get it wrong?”

Merlin looks up from the table, and smiles gently before responding:

“Nothing. I mean we’ll probably still get a headache, but other than that... we’d just have to try again tomorrow. No big deal.” He shrugs before looking back down at everything on the table.

Arthur watches him with interest and sits on the opposite side of the table, trying to get a peak at the words or symbols in the book.

After a few minutes, Merlin has a sweet smelling paste in a bowl and two paintbrushes in his hand. He walks round the side of the table, pulling the book towards him, still open. He grabs a stool and stands it in front of him, where he puts the bowl and paintbrushes.

He gestures for Arthur to stand opposite him, and unlaces the loose tunic he’s wearing. He pulls it to the side, exposing the space on his chest over his heart, indicating for Arthur to do the same.

“Right. Our left hands go on the back of each others head,-”

(Arthur struggles not to swallow at that, and nods, pushing the blush down)

“-and they need to stay there the whole time. Our right hands need to be holding a paintbrush each. They need to be over the bowl, crossed over one another, yours on top. I’ll say the spell, bit by bit, you repeat after me. When we speak we need to look at each other. Once the vocal spell has been cast, it’ll get a little glowy in here, but just ignore it, alright? After that, I’ll touch my brush to the paste. You don’t need lots, and the symbol needs to be painted in one motion, so don’t panic if you run out, it doesn’t matter, just keep going. I’ll paint the symbol at the top of the page on your chest, you need to hold still though, keep your hand in place over the bowl. Once I’ve done, I hold my paintbrush over the top of yours, you lower yours into the bowl, and then paint the symbol at the bottom of the page, onto my chest. We don’t have to hold eye contact for that, so you can look down as much as you need to, to copy it right. After it’s done, both paintbrushes can be put down, and we touch foreheads over the bowl. That’ll be the spell done, and we can move back, the pain will only start after all that has been done, and it’ll only last a few minutes, before it begins to lessen. Gaius left us some pain relief. We can practice actually talking to each other later on. Understand all of that?”

Arthur thinks for a just a second, before nodding. He’s very much grateful for all his knight and noble training at this point, he has a good memory for detailed instructions, good enough that not even his nerves could make him forget what to do.

Merlin seems completely unfazed, I suppose because A) in the grand scheme of things, it’s a very simple spell, and B) he’s focussing more on the magical aspect than the fact that basically every step of this spell, was increasingly intimate.

Arthur tries to force his mind to do the same, as Merlin receives his nod. The Sorcerer picks up his paintbrush, and cups the back of Arthur’s head, nodding at Arthur to do the same.

Arthur follows his instructions to the letter. He concentrates so much on repeating exactly what Merlin said, and painting the symbol exactly like it was drawn in the book, that he doesn’t notice Merlin’s fond smile on him.

Arthur has always pursed his lips slightly when focusing, and it’s one of the many small mannerisms that Merlin struggles to look away from.

It comes time for them to touch foreheads, and Arthur takes a deep breath as he feels Merlin pull him forward (and he does the same to Merlin).

They hold eye contact, and Arthur has to hold in a gasp at the feel of Merlin’s magic flowing through him from the moment their heads meet. Merlin holds them there for a few seconds, before letting go and stepping back, Arthur following suit.

Within seconds, both of them are doubled over and groaning, hands clutching their heads as the feeling of warm, gentle magic is replaced by a splitting headache.

Like Merlin had said, it only lasted for a couple minutes at that high intensity, but it feels like forever.

At long last, the stabbing agony turns into a dull ache. Still in a great deal of pain, but not so much that they can’t open their eyes and head over to the table to down their pain relief potions.

At Arthur’s vague gesture, the both of them head over to the two armchairs in front of the fire, and they collapse in their respective seat, each holding their heads in their hands.

(Arthur had the second comfy chair moved to his chambers after a year or so of Merlin always sitting in his, when he first stated working for him. Merlin noticed, but never mentioned it, and the new chair, though it was never said out loud, became his.)

Arthur speaks (more like groans) after a few minutes:

“I thought those potions were supposed to help?”

“Well, it’s magical pain. Curing it isn’t an exact science. Plus the pain is sort of part of the spell, it’ll have mostly faded by the morning. I can always put together something stronger if it stops us from sleeping.”

Arthur looks up at Merlin for the first time as he begins to speak again:

“So... did it work? I feel a little odd but I don’t know if that’s the headache, or whatever happened when we touched heads, or what?”

Merlin looks up, and raises his eyebrow, before saying, wordlessly:

“Yeah. It worked.”

Arthur widens his eyes at that, before scrunching his face up (Merlin just about manages to not laugh at him) in concentration, and staring at Merlin intensely:

“Am I doing it? Merlin can you hear thiiiiiiiis? Merliiiiiii-”

Merlin laughs, before actually saying:

“Yes. Gods shut up Arthur, yes you’re doing it. It’s not exactly difficult.”

Arthur joins in his laughter:

“Sorry sorry, I just wanted to make sure. What now, is that?”

“I mean, yeah, we should probably-” he huffs slightly:

“We should probably practice. You need to get used to doing it over longer distances, and whilst we’re concentrating on other things, so you don’t get caught off guard. We can just keep each other updated across the day tomorrow, that should be plenty of time for you to get used to it.”

Arthur puts his “concentration face” on again as:

“Yes you’re probably right. Just don’t say anything stupid whilst I’m in a meeting, can’t be distracted by your idiocy.”

Merlin smirks slightly, but Arthur sits up straighter, and interrupts him before he can say anything:

“Can we do the same with images? Like could we show each other what we were seeing? I imagine that would come in very handy.”

Merlin furrows his eyebrows slightly:

“It’s headache inducing, and takes a lot more energy and concentration, but we could, if it was an emergency. I’ve never done it before. We’ll have to practice at some point, if we get a quiet day.”

Arthur nods in thought, and waves around the room, focussing on the window and the laid, but cold, fireplace:

“Could you...?”

Merlin nods his head, his eyes flashing gold as the curtains draw themselves and the fireplace bursts in to roaring flames.

“Thank you.” is spoken is Merlin’s head as Arthur once again puts his head in his hands, grumbling as he rubs his temples. The conversation had helped distract for a moment, but both of them still had terrible headaches.

“Something tells me it won’t take long, you’re already using it like it’s second nature. Though you’ll have to keep an eye on that, remember we have to actually speak out loud to other people, still.”

Arthur hums, but doesn’t look up. Merlin takes that as a cue to end the conversation, and uses magic to wave over the book he was currently reading.

The Sorcerer pulls his feet up on the chair (his chair), and settles in to read another chapter, opposite from the King, who stares into the fire, deep in thought.

Arthur doesn’t take anything that the war declaration said to heart, he knows he’s done right by his people, and on good days, he’s even proud of his accomplishments, as opposed to feeling like he’s still atoning for his father’s evils.

But still. The fact that someone was this opposed to Camelot’s new found prosperity was disturbing, not only politically, but personally. What of the people under this neighbour-tyrant’s rule? Are they suffering? They will surely feel the fallout of this war more than Camelot’s people.

Arthur was caught between guilts. It would be far too dangerous to offer refuge from this tyrant’s rule, it would undoubtedly be taken advantage of by spies and usurpers. But could he, in good conscience, leave those people to suffer under whoever would replace him? When Camelot inevitably prevailed?

These thoughts plague Arthur for a while, and he’s only broken from his spiralling worries when a thump to his side, has him look up rapidly.

He lets out a quiet chuckle as he realises Merlin has fallen asleep in the other armchair (in Merlin’s chair), the heavy book dropping to the floor.

Arthur gets up quietly, stretching his back, and noting that while his head still hurts, it isn’t nearly as painful as it used to be.

He wonders over to his bed, dragging two blankets back to the chairs by the fire.

One, he drapes over Merlin. 

Arthur stands over him, and gently strokes the hair back from his face, smiling fondly as his former-manservant shuffles slightly, leaning into his hand, and mumbles unintelligibly in his sleep.

The other, he wraps around himself before settling back into his own chair, resuming the contemplative staring into the fire. Though this time, he’s thinking on the gap between him and Merlin, and how small it had gotten over the years.

You’d think that such a train of thought would be focused on the big things: the battles, the near death experiences, the emotional speeches... the outburst in the woods. But no. They barely crossed his mind. Rather, Arthur was thinking on the small things: the small smile Merlin saved for hurt children when he called them brave, the fire in his eyes when he challenged an arsehole councilman, the pride on his face when Morgana succeeded in her lessons.

Knowing of Merlin’s magic had been an important stepping stone, but a stepping stone nonetheless. Since then, in the time that had passed, he had learnt all the seemingly unimportant things that made Merlin, Merlin.

His favourite colour was blue (blue like the sky and blue like Avalon and blue like the cover of his favourite book (blue like Arthur’s eyes, not that Arthur knew that)).

His favourite season was spring (spring with flowers and baby animals and the world breathing around you. Arthur could almost see Merlin vibrating in time with the world at spring, which didn’t surprise him, once he learnt how tied to nature his magic was).

His favourite holiday was Yuletide (Yuletide with family and dancing and singing and true freedom, all ending in a new beginning, the world getting to start again, in a small way).

His birthday was the first day of the new year (truly, a new year, and a new beginning).

His favourite food is blueberries (but really, he loves any sweet fruit. Never one for actual candy though, maybe he just wasn’t used to such luxuries. Arthur found himself wanting to provide Merlin with every luxury he could ever want).

His childhood was full of mischief and fear (running around pranking people with Will all day, and going home in the evening to find nightmares filled with red cloaks and smoke and a pyre just for him).

Arthur had spent the last nine months making sure that Merlin would never have such nightmares again.  He came damn close to changing the Pendragon colours when Merlin told him of the Red Cloak detail.

Before long Arthur also finds himself nodding his head, but moving to his bed means waking Merlin up and sending him away, and honestly? Arthur would happily wake up with a crick in his neck, if it meant he could fall asleep to the sounds of Merlin, gently snoring through the night.

With that final thought, he finally drifts to sleep in his armchair, warmed by the fire, and Merlin’s presence.

~

The next morning, King Arthur, flanked by his Court Sorcerer, his Court Seer, and his First Knight, announces to a large crowd the news of the impending war.

The people are worried, but he speaks to them honestly, and they respect that. Arthur tells them of the preparations being made: the outer villages already being warned, the partnership with the Druids, the preparations of both medical supplies and the tools of war.

As they thought, word spreads quickly. The city is bustling with people. No matter the war declaration, work still has to be done, but the air is abuzz with gossip and chatter. Arthur is thankful, for the lack of panic, and sends a grateful smile to Merlin when:

“You did good. They respect, and trust you. Be proud.” echoes in his head.

~

Time passes

After a week or so, the first refugees from the outer villages start arriving, and a few days later, Elyan, Gwaine, and Lancelot make it back, having delivered the notice to all of the outlying settlements.

Like Gwen had said, work in the forgery greatly sped up, and the armoury was being stocked up.

With the help of all the Druid Healers, Gaius’ preparation of the infirmary was going quickly, and he was pleased with the progress.

Morgana was seeing bits and pieces of what The Magicians (M+M and the Druids, named by Gwaine) interpreted to be the big battle, but weren’t seeing how it would start, or how it would end.

It took the people of Camelot (including Arthur) a while to get used to it, but Merlin also had Kilgharrah and Aithusa doing daily fly overs of the whole kingdom. 

Magic wasn’t illegal in the opposing kingdom, but was taken advantage of by the crown, and Merlin didn’t want to risk them sneaking up on Camelot somehow, without anyone noticing until it was too late.

Merlin did indeed check on the tunnels like he wanted. He made doubly sure that he knew where all the exits were, and the best ways to defend them. As far as he knew, no one outside the castle knew they were there, so they could be used as an emergency evacuation plan, hopefully with the opposition taking a while to catch on.

Though Arthur liked to remind Merlin that that sort of action probably wouldn’t be necessary. The fighting would hopefully take place no where near the actual city, and even if they did, Camelot was still stronger than their opponent.

Over this time, Merlin and Arthur continued to take advantage of their mental link. Unless in the presence of other people, they spoke almost exclusively in their heads.

Arthur’s poker face was getting much better as well. Merlin's constant snarky comments during council meetings was definitely the main source of practice.

It was during such a meeting, that Morgana burst in, and looked between Merlin and Arthur frantically, before saying:

“I’ve seen it. It’s coming!” Arthur reacts first, yelling at the council:

“Everyone out, right now!-”

He then turns his attention to one of the guards:

“Go fetch Sirs Gwaine, Elyan, Percival, and Lancelot. They should be on the training ground, hurry!” (luckily, this was a rare meeting that everyone else in The Gang was already attending)

With that the guard rushes out, and the remaining members of the council (Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, Merlin, Leon, and now Morgana) rush to their side room.

As they enter, Merlin’s eyes flash gold, and he waves his hand, pushing the table and all but one of the chairs to the side of the room.

The last chair he moves to sit right in the middle, and Morgana quickly settles on it, closing her eyes.

A few minutes later, the knights come rushing in, Gwen murmuring quietly:

“Morgana has seen something, I think her and Merlin want to try and show us.”

Merlin nods to Leon, and he locks the door behind him.

The Sorcerer thrusts his arm towards the floor, and mutters a spell under his breath. His eyes flash gold, and soon enough, the room is filled with steam so thick, no one can see even a foot in front of them. They hear Merlin speak through the fog:

“Alright Morgana, just like we practiced. Focus on what you saw, and push it out of your mind, and onto the steam. Keep your breathing slow, and try to keep things chronological, clear your mind and think of nothing else.”

Morgana hums, and the group hear her take a deep breath (certainly calmed by the fact that Gwen and made her way to her, and had placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, receiving a grateful smile from Merlin).

Within moments, everyone begins to see shapes moving in the fog, and hear sounds echoing around the room.

It takes a minute or two for things to come into focus, and the fog seems to sharpen. The Gang find themselves stood in the middle of a field, all in grey. Everything is slightly blurry, and if they squint, they can see the walls of the room around them through the illusion. Arthur speaks:

“This is where the battle happens?-” 

A nod from Morgana, who still sits in a chair with closed eyes, prompts Arthur to continue:

“Does anyone recognise it?” Gwaine speaks first, snapping himself out of the shock at what was happening:

“Yeah, I do. I rode through it on the way back from handing out the notices. It’s a huge meadow maybe a three days ride to the North?”

Before anyone can reply, figures, also in grey, start to fade in around them, the first to come into focus being Merlin, closely followed by Arthur stood next to him. The real Arthur stares, obviously slightly disconcerted:

“Ok... that’s a bit weird...”

The fog!M+A look serious, glancing at each other quickly and nodding, before walking in opposite directions.

Fog!Arthur fades, the scene following fog!Merlin as he stalks across the field, before stopping suddenly. He frowns slightly, before seeming to look straight at real!Merlin, and saying:

“I’m sorry. But it’s coming. I can’t stop it, I tried. This is the only way. Just... relax... it’ll hurt less. Four days.”

Real!Merlin frowns, but gasps and takes step back as fog!Merlin looks at him meaningfully, before taking a deep breath and turns away, continuing to walk.

The weather changes, beginning to rain, and if everyone wasn’t so preoccupied by what had just happened, they would’ve laughed at fog(future?)!Merlin going “Oh for fucks sake, why am I always right?” under his breath.

Suddenly, the scene changes entirely. 

On the floor lies a body, on his side, but face down, a sword through his back, poking out through his chest. Whoever it was had been attacked from behind. Rain still pours.

If anyone had looked up, they would’ve noticed the meadow completely free of other bodies. A battlefield that had apparently held only one fight.

The Gang jumps, as they hear a yell, and turn to see fog!Arthur race towards a figure no one had noticed.

Fog!Arthur cuts them down quickly, barely paying attention, before falling to his knees next to the body:

“No.... no no no, Come on Merls, don’t do this to me.”

Everyone apart from Merlin gasps at this, watching as fog!Arthur turns the body over.

A vacant fog!Merlin stares up at the sky, unmoving, eyes glassy, blood trickling from his mouth, as fog!Arthur continues to mutter to himself unintelligibly.

Before anyone can react, the scene fades again, completely this time.

The fog melts into the floor, the room around them revealed again, as Morgana slumps in her seat, breathing deeply.

No one looks away from the spot where Merlin’s body had been until Merlin interrupts the tense silence:

“That’s not... good.” He doesn’t look scared, despite finding out that he would apparently die at some point in the near future.

Everyone looks up at him in shock, tears in Arthur’s eyes, and fear and sadness in Morgana’s, but before anyone can say anything, he speaks again:

“There’s a storm brewing at the moment, it should start in about four days, that’ll be what he... what I meant earlier. No armies. That would explain why Morgana hasn’t seen the original Bloody Battle visions in a while... no battle? Hmm.” He seems to be muttering to himself, but looks up as Arthur grabs his shoulders:

“You won’t be going. You can stay back and help at the main infirmary.”

Everyone nods in agreement, but Morgana shakes her head, before saying (obviously tired):

“That’s not how it works. The more.... solid, my visions are, the more likely they are to happen. I’ve never had a vision that clear. And you heard what Merlin... or Future Merlin, said. This is happening.” She looks to Merlin with fear in her eyes:

“You’re going to die. In four days.”

The room once again looks to Merlin, all very confused at why he looks more thoughtful than anything. He shrugs off Arthur’s hands  and paces slightly. He let’s out a thoughtful hum before looking at Morgana:

“I don’t suppose you can remember anything about that sword? Did it seem strange to you or... just a sword?” At Morgana’s confused expression, he points absentmindedly to his own chest.

Arthur interrupts:

“What does that matter? It was a sword, Merlin, through your chest. I don’t care what either of you say. We’re keeping you away from that meadow. I’ll lock you up if I have to, you’re not going.”

Merlin looks at him apologetically:

“Of course it matters. Depending on whether whoever that sword belongs to has done anything funky to it or not, I’ll just wake up again-”

He waves his hand casually:

“-and besides. You have nothing here that I couldn’t break out of, Arthur.  There really are only one or two things that can tie me down properly, and I’m sure as shit not gonna tell you what they are now. Morgana? The sword?”

She looks shocked at his casual approach before replying:

“Uhh... it didn’t feel evil or anything. It just felt like a sword, but I wouldn’t bet on it. You’ve seen how my meditations have been going recently, not everything is in focus, I could have missed an enchantment easily. I would tell you not to risk it but.... I know you. And that vision was clear. Nothing is going to stop you from... that.”

Merlin nods thoughtfully, but Arthur seems to be getting more panicked, but before he can speak, Leon interrupts:

“Wait... backtrack a minute. What do you mean “wake up again”? Merlin there was a sword through your chest. That was very much a... killing, blow.”

Merlin sighs and looks around the room, finally seeming to notice how horrified everyone looked:

“You guys... remember that I’m immortal right? Unless someone stole one of my dragons without me realizing, and made another Excalibur type weapon, again, without me realising... then I should be fine.”

Arthur bursts, grabbing Merlin once again:

“Merlin that... that was not fine! The future me was freaking out, and you weren’t waking up! There has to be another way. I won’t risk it.”

Merlin ignores him, looking instead to Gwaine:

“You said it was a three days ride away? To the North?” Gwaine nods hesitantly, and Merlin looks towards Leon:

“Have the army gather outside the city gates, but tell them that they’re not going anywhere. It looks like me and Arthur are going to be able to sort this out without any... or... you know... without any permanent bloodshed. But they should be ready just in case. Morgana, take tonight to rest, and build your strength. You’re going to be staying here, the last line of defence, if it comes to it.-”

He’s interrupted by Elyan:

“NO. Look I saw it as well as anyone in this room. But we are not leaving you. We are a family, we hold Camelot in our hands, and we won’t leave you to do this alone. We’ll all be there. You want us to stand back and watch? Fine. But you and Arthur are not doing this without us. Not this time.”

Morgana forces herself to stand, with Gwen’s support. Everyone in the room gives a decisive nod as she speaks:

“He’s right. Nothing you can do, Lord Emrys, will stop us from following you to that meadow.” Merlin looks about to argue, but she narrows her eyes at him, and he deflates.

He looks around the room, at his family, and sees their faces. All set in stone. They had just seen his body, and they weren’t going to let him do it alone, not this time.

He nods slightly, pretending that his eyes aren’t filling with tears. He reaches up and squeezes Arthur’s hand, still on his shoulder, as he sadly smiles:

“...Ok. I... thank you. If we want to get there in time, we’ll need to leave today.” 

“We need them all distracted so we can slip away.” echoes through Merlin’s head, but before he can respond, Gwen speaks up, her voice strong and determined:

“I’ll go tell the stables to get our horses ready immediately, and grab some supplies from the kitchen. Everyone meet in the courtyard in half an hour.”

Percival:

“I’ll go to the stables, you head straight for the kitchens and I’ll meet you there after and help.” Gwen gives a firm nod, and the two of them leave. Gaius speaks up next:

“I’ll gather some medical supplies, and fetch some things from my chambers, and then let the infirmary staff know what’s going on.” and he leaves without waiting for a response. Morgana speaks up next:

“I’m going to grab a change of clothes for everyone. You (gesturing to Arthur) need to grab your armour.”

She looks to Elyan questioningly:

“Yeah I’ll help. I’ll grab spares for the knights, you grab something for yourself, Merlin, The King, and Gwen.” The two of them leave, exiting the room and heading in different directions.

Arthur speaks next, but directs it to Leon:

“Have the armies gather around the city, the bulk of the force on the North side. Tell them what’s happening. Hopefully we won’t need them but... if we fail, they need to be ready.”

Leon says nothing, but gives a firm nod, and marches out of the room, heading to ring the emergency bell at the training grounds.

“Well that wasn’t too difficult. What about these two?” Is what manifests in Merlin’s head this time, and he replies quickly:

“I don’t know, but quickly. If you take too long, they’ll know you’re just coming up with excuses to get rid of them.”

Arthur looks to Lancelot and Gwaine, but before he can say anything, Gwaine laughs and interrupts him:

“Absolutely not, princess. There’s nothing left to be done, you two just want to sneak off without anyone noticing, and we won’t let you.”

Arthur huffs at that, and Merlin raises an eyebrow at him:

“I told you they wouldn’t fall for it.” Arthur gives his Sorcerer a withering glare:

“Shut up, Merlin.” Merlin just laughs in response, ignoring the confused looks on Gwaine and Lancelot’s faces.

Lancelot drops the look, and speaks:

“Ok I don’t know what that was, but Gwaine’s right. ALL of us, are going to your chambers so you can get your armour, and then ALL of us are heading down to the courtyard.”

Arthur huffs once again before marching from the room, his Sorcerer and two knights trailing closely behind him.

~

As agreed, 30 minutes later, all of them are gathered in the courtyard. Morgana and Elyan had packed each of the horses with spare clothes, and the food that Percival and Gwen had bought. 

It wasn’t much, but it would do them for the first night, they would definitely have to hunt whilst they travelled, but that’s not unfamiliar to them.

With one last look at each other, they ride out towards the Northern City Gates, Arthur leading the way. 

After Leon had informed the knights of what was going on, he had called an emergency council meeting, and informed them as well. They weren’t happy, but Leon put his “in-charge” voice on, and told them to deal with it.

They reached the gates, and Arthur nodded at a grave Gwaine to take the lead. Not a word has been spoken since they met up in the courtyard, and they ride out in silence. 

Merlin glances at Arthur next to him:

“Everything is going to be ok, Arthur.”

He gets no response.

I feel kinda bad leaving it there, but just like I thought it would, it was getting a tad too long. 

THIS IS COMPLETED!! Part 5 (final part) has been posted.

If y’all want my thoughts on anything specific, let me know :)

[harrypotterbrainworms]

Found Family

Summary: “hi! I hope u r having a great day!💛 I was the one who request the ron x trans male reader and I have to say that I loved it! it was beautiful! if u are ok with it can I request one about how the weasley family would react about the reader first vacations after the transition? fluff please? a george x trans male reader pleaseI love ur fics! thanks for reading!” (request) 

Pairing: George Weasley x Trans Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name 

Word Count: 1812

(A/N): Took a while to get this done, but I really like it and it was very sweet.

“Oh my god, they’re gonna hate me. My hair is too shaggy, it got too shaggy, didn’t it? My face, oh no. I look nothing like I did. My voice, my face, me.” (Y/N) moved uncomfortably running his hands through his hair every second he could. He felt as nervous as he did at the beginning of the year.

“It’s gonna be fine, love. They already love you, I promise they’ll just love you harder, knowing them.” George Weasley, his beloved boyfriend, grabbed his hands holding them gently in his hands with a sweet smile on his face.

“But-“

“No butts, but mine, my dear.” George replied pointing at the beautifully round mother who came running toward them, one hand carrying a bag of lunch for the car ride home and the other ready to pinch any one of her kid’s faces.

“Here goes nothing.” (Y/N) sucked in a long breath and exhaled with a huge smile on his face. He was happy to see his basically second mother, but more nervous by the seconds that passed.

“Oh my boys! It’s been so long since I’ve seen your beautiful faces” She kissed each of the kids except (Y/N). The anxiety really started to build up when she turned around to face the twins not even acknowledging his presence. He was starting to spiral fast, quickly grabbing Geogre’s hand for support.

“Fred. George. I didn’t get many complaints. Good job.” She said sterningly, a cautious finger pointed at them as she looked around for someone, oh no, (Y/N) thought. She didn’t get the 20 letters he’d sent or maybe she’d make him stop dating George. No way this was gonna work.

“Thanks, mum” The twins sighed with a slight smirk on both their faces, even with the instant hurricane (Y/N) was pulled in, he wondered what they were planning.

“Well who’s this?” Molly asked, turning to (Y/N). His nerves hit an all time high and his heart stopped for a moment.

“It’s-uh-“ He stuttered out, of course she didn’t know who he was. He was so different, he felt like running away at this point.

“I’m just messing with you, deary! We missed you so much (Y/N)” She laughed giving him a huge hug and a pat on the back. He laughed nervously and steadied himself again. Her “pats” were devilishly strong.

“I missed you too, Mrs Weasley” (Y/N) said self-consciously, he wasn’t usually so formal with her. He’d known her for years now, but it felt like he was presenting a completely new version of himself.

“Don’t be so formal, my dear. Molly will do just fine, now boys and Ginny. We have a long trip and a lot of food to eat” She was smiling wide as she helped (Y/N) pull his trunk up from the ground.

The car ride was long and tiring as usual as he watched London pass and the country come into view. He was especially nervous about tonight’s big dinner. George squeezed his hand and smiled as they both looked on to the unfolding countryside.

“It’s gonna be great. Dad is gonna get drunk and we’re gonna laugh. Just like old times” He tried to cheer his boyfriend up, but it weighed on his heart more.

“Just like old times.” A phrase he didn’t particularly enjoy in his life right now.

Arthur Weasley loved winter, especially when he was downing glass after glass of fire whiskey as he tried to make jokes and fork at his meal. He stood up suddenly and everyone knew what was coming-

“A toast! I would like to make a toast” He shouted a little too loudly as he brought his glass up to the air.

“Oh no. Dad’s drunk toast.” Fred huffed out nudging George’s who was too busy dazzling (Y/N) for the 10th time that day.

“Oh Merlin.” He whispered back and mentally buckled up for the ride.

“To this wonderful family, a wonderful evening and most importantly to this lovely gentleman for coming!” Arthur pointed not so subtly at (Y/N), a deep crimson starting to appear on his face.

“Cheers!” The twins chanted in unison, egging their father on. Trying to length the speech as much as they could for entertainment of course.

“And might I add! To my lovely wife and her big beautiful bosom-“ Mr. Weasley was about to go on about his beautiful wife’s beautiful bosom, but was thankfully interrupted by Molly spitting out her drink as he was pulled back into his seat.

“Arthur.”

“Ham. Her big beautiful ham, always the best cooking in this house of course.” He added from his seat raising his glass once more, everyone raising their own glasses to toast Molly’s “ham”.

“This family” George whispered into (Y/N)’s ear causing him to giggle as he was clinking glasses with the room full of people.

He sighed in bed as he rolled over to look at George who was actually reading for once, but he suspected it was for prank research. He kissed forehead lightly and grabbed his night robe.

“I’m going to get some water”

“Cool, love you”

“Love you too, idiot” He sighed and walked down the rickety stairs of the burrow finding him and George were probably the only ones awake at this hour. He didn’t really need a glass of water, just a quiet moment alone as he watched the snow fall from the kitchen window.

In his silent moment he must’ve lost track of everything in existence because he barely heard Molly coming down the stairs and sitting in the chair besides him.

“Hello, dear. Can’t sleep?” She spoke up making him jump.

“Yeah.”

“Let me make you some hot chocolate” She pushed herself up from the chair and pulled out a pot and ingredients.

“That’s oka-“ He tried to answer, but it wasn’t really a choice. He didn’t really mind. It was just about 2am and he didn’t want to cause her any troubles.

“Nonsense, we’re having hot chocolate” As she filled a pot with some milk, cocoa and sugar. He liked that she didn’t really use magic when cooking, it reminded him of home. Finishing their drink she placed two mugs on the table and sat beside him once again, staring into the window with him.

He sipped on his warm drink a little awkwardly, he wanted to ask what was plaguing his mind. He just never knew when was the right time, he took another sip and sighed.

“Um- Mrs- I mean Molly. You don’t think it’s weird?” He asked quickly before his courage faded.

“What is, deary?” Molly said absentmindedly, looking at him a little puzzled. He darted his eyes back and forth before looking down at himself and she then understood.

“Oh. Not at all, dear. I’ve known many young wizards such as yourself, very upright young men” She smiled warmly at him, his eyes widened a bit in hope and excitement.

“Really?” He said, a question no one really needed to answer. He knew the answer now.

“Of course. I’ve been around, my dear. Meet a lot of people” She put her hand on his and he choked up a bit.

“So you-“

“Yes, dear. Family is family. I would accept you in any form and way no matter what. You’re a Weasley and I’m proud of you” She knew what he needed, she had. He looked at her with so much love in his heart as his eyes started to well up.

She immediately put their mugs down and embraced him tightly as he silently sobbed into her clothing.

“Oh my, dear. It’s okay, you always have a place at this table” She hushed him as she rubbed circles around his back.

“Thank you, Molly” He said, looking up at her and she just smiled sweetly.

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what a mother does, I have your back and every one of my children’s back.”

“Of course you do” He laughed a little and really let his thoughts ease up as he embraced him.

“Now, finish that hot chocolate and get to bed. I bet George is very worried about you right now” She said snuffing a bit as she stroked his hair as he continued to cry a bit. He gained composure and nodded into her.

“Yeah” He said, muffled by her nightgown.

“You’re a fine young man, my dear. George is lucky to have you, you keep those hooligans in check and most importantly. You love him and he loves you very much” He looked up at her pulling away from the hug, he swore he could see a few tear drops threatening to fall.

He took one last sip of the now room temperature drink and hugged Molly again, she gave him a kiss on forehead and sent him on his way.

He climbed up the stairs, his anxieties in the back of his mind as he rode his new found rush of happiness all the way back to George’s room.

“You smell like hot chocolate- oh no. Did mum talk to you? I hope she didn’t say anything weird, that woman is mad” George said as (Y/N) entered his room, but when he looked up from his copy of “Inconvenience Creation”, he saw the happiest smile on his boyfriend’s face. His heart felt warm and full, he was glad it went well.

“No actually. She said she was proud of me” (Y/N) smiled as he sat on the side of the bed, staring into space.

“Woah. She never says that to me, it’s worse than I thought. She’s replacing me with a better son” He teased and pulled his boyfriend into the bed with him, putting his book down. He breathed in his scent, his mum’s hot chocolate.

“Must’ve been some talk” He yawned and hugged his waist.

“Just don’t replace me anytime soon” He teased further earning a scoff and an eye roll.

“Shut up, asshole.” (Y/N) hit his arm and held his face up, planting a kiss on his forehead.

“I told you they would still love you.” He smirked at him reaching up to give him a soft kiss on the lips, but yawned mid kiss making (Y/N) laugh.

“I shouldn't have expected any different” (Y/N) pushed his hair out of face with a huge smile on his lips as he pulled the duvet over them.

“Damn right.” Geogre replied tiredly.

“I love you” He planted another kiss on his forehead, hugging him tight as he rubbed his boyfriend’s hand on his chest softly.

“Mhm. Me too” He snuggled his face into (Y/N)’s neck, he just stroked George’s hair until he heard soft snores coming from his boyfriend. He sighed happy and exhausted as he slowly fell asleep himself.

[queeniecook]

May 31 - Part 1

Caleb just left a bit ago, we had our date tonight. I really enjoyed our time together and it went better than I thought it would, with yet another decision looming over my head.

Not only that but despite the fact that I’m going to bed alone, the night ended in the most perfect way.

He started the night by giving me a rose. He seemed nervous to me, which honestly. I was a bit nervous myself. Things are different now. The last time we went out, he was basically trying to scare me off. I hadn’t decided between him or Dakota yet. Now, it’s just us. This is our potential future.

He took me to a nice restaurant in Newcrest. Tonight, I planned to find out more about Caleb.

“I’ve always wondered this. Your haircut, did you go through a emo phase in the 90’s?” I asked him.

Caleb actually laughed. I think I’ve only heard him laugh maybe one other time.

“Close. I actually got this haircut in the 1980’s. I just like it so much that I have kept it. Before that, I had the haircut I had when I was turned. Since as a vampire, my hair no longer grows, I have to be very sure before I change something to do with my body.” Caleb explained “It literally will follow me the rest of my days, unless I change it again someday.”

I nodded my head at what he said, I liked getting to know new things about him. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot to learn about someone who has lived so long.

“Now I get to ask you a question.” Caleb declared.

“I agreed to no such terms.” I said, joking.

Caleb shook his head, but he had a small smile on his lips. “What do you really want out of your future, Vera?”

I played with my hair and averted my gaze as I thought about his question. I knew I’d have to tell him as some point about the possible move coming up.

“I want a family.” I finally said. “I feel behind sometimes. Apollo is married. Aubree just got married. Apollo is about to become a Dad.” I let out a sigh and finally looked at Caleb. “After I lost my baby. I was okay with waiting. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to the idea of being a Mom again…until you came at me with your proposal.”

I try not to think about it all too much, but I do. I feel behind everyone else. I’m not getting any younger. I know no child will every replace my baby that I lost but I really do want the chance to be a Mom.

Caleb was silent for a few moments, which felt a lot longer to me. I watched him draw patterns with his fingers on the table cloth in thought.

“If our relationship goes where I want it to. I fully plan on going through with that proposal.”

I blew out a breath as I leaned a bit closer to him. I could feel my heart beat faster as I thought about his words.

“I have a feeling you would have no problem delivering on your end.” I whispered to him. I had the urge to climb over the table and into his lap, but I remembered I was in public. I behaved.

Caleb must have sensed my thoughts or I got to him with my words because he clasped his hands together very firmly. If he was human, I’m sure his knuckles would have turned white.

“You are very tempting, Vera Grant.” Caleb told me before the waiter came to take our orders.

That seemed to break the tension. I ordered the steak, he ordered a glass of plasma fruit juice. We talked during my meal, about nothing important really.

After dessert, he asked me to dance.

We danced far too apart for my liking, but I think Caleb was trying to keep things PG after our little talk at the start of our date. Still, it was nice to dance with him. It’s been nice to know what I’m doing, at least in one aspect of my life.

“Caleb.” I said, taking his hand into mine. “There’s something I really need to talk to you about. Can you come back to my place? It’s honestly just to talk.”

He agreed to come in after he drove me home. I felt nerves hit me again as I got ready to tell him.

[pixeldolly]

Strangetown Community Lot Makeovers

These are the makeovers from this post, which in turn are reworked versions of these very old attempts of mine at making over the Strangetown community lots, 88 Road to Nowhere and 94 Road to Nowhere. 

In both cases, I was aiming for an “abandoned government facility fallen into disrepair and taken over by the locals” vibe. There are clues as to the lots’ original function left behind among the more recent additions, some of which feel tacked on the older structure, a sign that whoever did it lacked the will, or perhaps the resources, to fully refurbish these buildings. Vegetation has also been allowed to grow unchecked, particularly in the more humid environment around the large swimming pool. 

Info, pics and download links under the cut!

88 Road to Nowhere

This appears to be an old industrial complex, with a factory, workers’ cafeteria, and two buildings which may have been either a chapel or the foreman’s office and a storage area of some sort. The factory has now been cleared out and converted into a gym and a somewhat seedy-looking bar. The cafeteria still serves food, having been repurposed into a diner - just don’t expect any gourmet meals here. A playground can be found behind it. The foreman’s office/chapel now houses a little curio shop, offering everything from second hand books to old games, magazines, novelty items and TOTALLY GENUINE alien artefacts™ salvaged from the crashed ship crater! There is also a tacky little store selling off-brand clothing, cheap perfume and knockoff jewellery. The parking lot is mostly empty these days (although I recommend filling it up with MogHughson’s decorative cars!) and breakdancers can often be found practising their moves there.

DOWNLOAD: SFS | Mediafire

There is one piece of CC included: Sunni’s Versatile Podium (basically the phone/notebook without the podium part, which you can place on other surfaces for a low-end restaurant look). I figured a podium would look too fancy and out of place on these lots, but if you don’t want it you could easily replace it in-game with one of the vanilla podiums.

94 Road to Nowhere

This was evidently a research facility of some kind, long-abandoned although the areas which the locals haven’t dismantled yet still hint to its original purpose, such as the hydroponics lab. The biggest attraction is, of course, the large swimming pool, smelling strongly of chlorine to conceal the fact that it probably could do with more frequent cleaning, and perhaps some fresh tiles to hide those stark concrete walls. The local convenience store has it all: groceries, electronics, pet food and toys, and even some funky oversized glasses that just collect dust in the window. There is also a small cafeteria where visitors can grab some food and either eat it at the bar or one of the tables outside. They can then relax in the loungers by the pool or in the hottub - just don’t think too hard about the last time that thing was cleaned. 

DOWNLOAD: SFS | Mediafire

In addition to Sunni’s Versatile Podium, this lot also includes two grocery store posters by Natia and a wall by HolySimoly; the rest is cc-free

Have fun, and let me know if there are any problems!

[themadlostgirl]

Keeping Warm (2)

*Did I make a second part to this because one person asked for it? Yes I did. Come to me my Felix simps! Enjoy your fluff!*

~~~

That had to be the best sleep I’ve had in a while! This cloak was a lot better than my old one. I wonder how long I could get away with keeping it before the boys stole it back. I folded it up neatly and hid it under my cot so it wasn’t out in the open for them to steal back.

I left my tent and noticed that the boys that had been laughing and teasing me yesterday were keeping a wide berth from me today. I had no problem with that. The farther away they stayed the better.

Since I was truly well rested for the first time in a long time I decided to take advantage of my energy and practice my archery. Before Neverland I never had a need to learn how to wield a weapon but archery was fun and it helped in hunting small game. I grabbed my bow and quiver of arrows before setting off into the jungle. When it came to game on the island there wasn’t a whole lot outside of fish and some birds but they didn’t make for much food.

If you wanted a good meal you had to head into the dark jungle of the island. It’s where all the big game lived since anyone ventured in there. You could sometimes find a rogue boar running around outside of the dark jungle but they mainly stayed within the perimeter. Other than boars there was also a type of goat that lived there. The boys had tried keeping some of the goats for milk a while back but after the “incident” all the goats were shoved into the dark jungle and water became the only acceptable source of drink. Probably for the best.

I was out tracking for a while when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I tried to make it out through the foliage and saw the head of a goat pop up. Gotcha. I notched an arrow and took aim. I let the arrow fly and cheered when it went right through the goat’s eyes.

“What the hell?” Another head popped up, this time it wasn’t a goat though. Felix turned to look at me. “What was that?”

“Sorry!” I rushed over, “I was hunting and saw the goat head. I didn’t mean to shoot at you. What are you doing out here?”

“Same as you it seems. I had been tracking this fat bastard for over an hour.” He kicked the dead goat at our feet. “Almost had it too before you got it first. Nice shot by the way.”

“Thanks! I was really lucky this time around. I usually don’t get a clear shot like that.” I tore the arrow out of the goat’s head. “Since you’re here do you mind helping me lug this beast back to camp?”

“Sure,” Felix heaved the goat up and threw it onto his shoulders. “Let’s get moving.”

“This will surely make for a good dinner tonight.”

“You really wanna let those jerks tear into your catch?” Felix asked.

“I mean not really but this is way more food than you and I can eat so we kinda have to split it up.” I shrugged, “Why do you care anyway? I thought you liked the other Lost Boys.”

“They’re my brothers but brothers can get damn annoying.” He muttered, “Taking shit that doesn’t belong to them and whatnot.”

“Ugh, I know what you mean.” I sighed, “They stole my cloak out of my tent last night so I stole one of theirs as payback.”

“Did you now?” Felix trudged further ahead, “Did you give it back yet?”

“No and I don’t plan to. Mine was so thin it didn’t help at all but this one is really warm so unless they come and pry it away from me I’m not giving it up. It also helps that is smells good so I cuddle up in it even tighter.” My face started heating up after I realized what I just admitted. “Sorry, that was a lot of unnecessary information.”

“It’s fine,” Felix muttered.

I jogged to fall into step next to him. I grabbed an apple out of my bag and started cutting off slices with my knife. I wordlessly offered one to Felix. This time when I popped it into his mouth for him though I didn’t roll my eyes since his hands were full carrying the goat. We trekked back to camp in companionable silence. Felix set the goat down for the others to skin and cook while we rested.

We sat down on a log together while I picked bits of goat fur off his shoulders.

“Felix,” One of the boys approached us, “Pan was looking for you earlier but you were away from camp so he wanted me to pass on a message.”

“And?” Felix asked.

“He’s gone off the island on a mission of sorts. Says he may not be back till morning at the latest so you’re in charge till then.”

“Got it.” Felix nodded and the boy ran off again.

“Man in charge tonight,” I poked his shoulder, “Don’t crack under the pressure, captain.”

“Har har,” He rolled his shoulder ushering me off, “Being in charge for a night doesn’t entail much. I just have to make sure these idiots don’t go rogue during Pan’s absence and do something stupid like burn the camp down again.”

“These boys can really be just the dumbest things on the face of the earth, can’t they?” I shook my head. Then my body shook. A cold gust of wind blew through the camp. It wasn’t like the slightly cooler breezes that Neverland usually had. This was cold. Really cold.

The other boys felt it as well. All of them rushing to their tents and reappearing with cloaks and others running for firewood. “What’s going on?” I asked Felix as I rubbed feebly at my arms.

Felix sighed. “I almost forgot that this happens when Pan leaves. He so rarely does anymore it didn’t even cross my mind.”

“What?”

“When Pan leaves then time stands still. I don’t mean that in the way that tie naturally stands still here. I mean the island basically goes into hibernation without him around. Depending on how long he’s been gone we should start to see the beginnings of…” Felix looked up. The once clear sunny sky had been replaced with dark dreary clouds.

“Oh don’t tell me it’s gonna rain!” I pouted.

“Worse than that.”

We sat there for a minute as delicate white flakes started falling from the sky. “Snow?!” I gaped at the offending weather. “How is there snow? This is a tropical island!”

“It is a magic island too though.” Felix said. “You may want to grab something to put on, viper. It’s only gonna get colder.”

“Right, I’ll be right back.” I ran back to my tent and pulled the cloak out from under my cot. I put it on but while it was thick enough to keep out the chill of the night it was just another feeble layer against the bitter cold that we had been subjected to now.

I went back to the log where Felix and I had been seated but he wasn’t there anymore. I made my way towards the bonfire the boys had started and huddled as close as I could get to the flames. I really hope the boy I stole the cloak from won’t try to take it back now. I fear I’ll freeze to death without it.

The sky grew even darker and the island got even colder. We were quickly burning through our supply of firewood and I knew that it would run out soon. When that happened it was every man for themselves. I figured I’d hunker down in my tent and try to keep warm by myself until Pan returned and the cold went away.

I stayed by the fire as it dwindled down to faintly glowing coals. The snow had really piled up and my toes were numb in my boots. Oh no! I didn’t even take into account the snow! I ran as fast as I could to my tent but it was of no use. The snow had weighed it down and it crumpled. My cot was soaked and the beams I had used to pitch it had snapped. This was just great.

It looked as if the other boys had gotten the memo to keep the snow from piling up on their tents since they rest were still standing. Would have been nice if they mentioned something to me. I shivered violently against another harsh gale of wind and trudged away from my ruined tent. Maybe I could find Felix and he’d take pity on me and let me stay in his tent for the night.

I scoured the wintry white camp but saw no Felix. He was probably already hunkered down. If only I knew which tent was his.

~~~

Damn this cold. Why did the island have to go into hibernation just cause Pan wasn’t around? It really wasn’t fair. Felix hated it all the more since he didn’t have anything to keep him warm now that he had let you have his cloak.

Upon realizing just how bad it was going to camp Felix remembered something that could help him keep warm. He jumped up and ran into the jungle until he found the old, gnarled dead tree that years and years ago had been the first home of the Lost Boys. He knocked against the trunk until he found the hatch that opened up. It would be a tight fit but if he kept his arms close to his chest then...Felix slipped down the hollow trunk of the tree and was deposited into an underground cavern.

He lit a torch along the wall and breathed in the dusty but altogether warmer air. This place looked as if it hadn’t been touched in decades. It probably hadn’t. Felix only ever remembered this place when Pan left and turned the rest of the island into a wintry hellscape. He never told any of the other Lost Boys about this warm oasis since he didn’t want them crowding in around him.

Felix was down there clearing cobwebs and shaking out the dusty furs and blankets when he was hit with a sharp realization. He left you back at camp. He left the one person who cannot handle any amount of cold in any way back in a blizzard!

“Shit!” Felix hissed and climbed back out of the cavern. He raced back to camp and spotted you easily enough since you were the only one still outside. Why were you outside? Why weren’t you in your tent at least?

“Hey,” He shouted, pulling you away from where the bonfire had been, “What are you doing out here?”

“Tent collapsed under the snow.” Your whole body was shaking so bad that it even bled into your voice. “Was looking for you…”

“Come on,” He grabbed your hand and tugged you along, “I know someplace we can go to wait this out.”

Felix knew it was a bad time but he couldn’t get over the sight of you in his cloak. It was just like last night when he got that strange fluttering in his chest. He gripped your hand tighter and tried pulling you faster but you ended up losing your balance and tripping. Felix caught you before you landed in the snow but he could tell you were having trouble keeping up.

“We’re almost there, just a little further,”

“I can’t feel my toes,” You whimpered.

“Damn it,” Felix ran a hand through his hair. “Well we can’t stay out here. Hold onto me.” With that Felix gathered you in his arms and pulled you off the ground. He hiked his way back to the dead tree with you held in his arms. This was the first time he had really been this close to you. Your head nestled on his shoulder as your body trembled. He set you down long enough to open the hatch on the dead tree again and set you inside. You went sliding down and Felix shortly followed.

“Where are we?” You gazed around the cavern you both were in. “It’s warm in here.”

“My own little get away when the island goes into stasis.” Felix explained. He helped you up and ushered you towards the bed at the back of the cavern covered in blankets and furs. “You’ll keep warm down here.”

“Blankets!” He burrowed underneath the blankets with a content sigh. “I am never leaving this pile.”

“Thought you’d enjoy that.” Felix smiled. “Are your toes still numb?”

“A little.”

“Let me see, I want to make sure you don’t have frostbite.” He instructed.

You untied your boots and Felix grimaced when he saw that your socks had been soaked through. You peeled those off too. There was no way to make this awkward so Felix grabbed your feet and inspected them, pushing on your toes to make sure they hadn’t incurred any damage.

“Good news, you get to keep your toes.” Felix pushed your feet off his lap and pulled the blanket you were wrapped in back over them.

“That is a relief.” You smiled brightly. “Thanks for sharing this space with me.”

“Well I wasn’t just gonna let you suffer out there in the cold. The others deserve it but not you.” Felix said. The fluttering was back and he could feel it’s way creeping up his neck into his face. The air in the room suddenly felt too hot. He shuffled back to the foot of the bed further away from you.

There was a beat of silence.

“Hey Felix?” You crawled over to sit next to him.

“Yeah?” Felix tried not to look at you lest the pink in his cheeks be noticed.

“Where is your cloak? Don’t tell me you were out running around in this weather without grabbing it.” You said. Felix resisted a bark of laughter. Said cloak was still around your shoulders and you clutched it tightly in your hands as you looked at him.

“I didn’t have much of a choice.” He pulled the hood up over your head and down in front of your eyes. “You kinda stole it, viper.”

“Huh?” Your eyes peeped out from under the hood. He watched with amusement as the realization hit you and you pulled the hood back down to hide. “I’m sorry! I had no idea it was yours! I thought it belonged to one of the jerks that stole mine!”

“It’s alright, you needed it a lot more than I did anyway.” He chuckled softly. “Glad to know you think I smell good though.”

“AGH!” You dove under the blankets to hide further. Your embarrassed voice still rung clear from underneath the furs. “I cannot believe I told you that!”

“Come now, it’s not that bad.” Felix couldn’t help the spark of joy he felt when he teased you. “Come out. I wanna talk to you.”

“Nope! I am never leaving again for the sake of my dignity.”

“Fine.” Felix took a deep breath and pulled the covers up over himself. Your face was inches away from his under the blankets. “I’ll just come to you.”

“Felix…” You muttered, you were still keeping your eyes down so you weren’t looking at him.

“I wanna know something.”

“What?”

“If you get so cold at night why didn’t you ask me for help? I could have brought you as many blankets as you wanted from down here.”

“I didn’t ask because I had already tried asking the other boys for help and all they did was make fun of me. I didn’t want you to tease me too.”

“Teasing you is fun but I’d rather you not freeze to death.” He said, “I also told the boys that if they steal anything from you again then they’ll answer to me.”

“Why would you do that?” You asked, “I get that we’re friends but you don’t have to fight my battles.”

“It’s because you are my friend that I want to help you, idiot.” He poked your forehead, “Which means threatening Lost Boys and letting you steal my cloak. It kinda feels like it’s my mission to keep you warm.”

“A noble cause indeed.” You laughed and Felix decided then that he had never heard a more pleasing sound.

Your smile softened and Felix got lost in your eyes for a moment. The fluttering was getting worse but he found he didn’t mind it. “Here,” You closed the distance between the two of you and left a quick kiss on his cheek, “A little token of thanks.”

Okay. Now he minded. It felt like a billion butterflies had gotten trapped in his ribcage. It was just a moment. A mere second of contact but it lit his body from the toes up as if he had stepped into a fire.

“You okay? Did I cross a line? Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was just thankful for what you did and you’ve always been nice to me so--”

“Give…” Felix mumbled under his breath but it was enough to stop your mess of ramblings.

“You say something?” You asked.

“Give you…” Felix took a deep breath but it did little to calm his nerves. “Want to give you one.”

“Give me one what?” You asked.

“A...um…” he tapped his cheek. This was stupid! Why was he trying to initiate this right now? It was only meant to be a thank you kiss between friends and he was making it weird!

“Oh!” Your face got even hotter than it had a moment before. “I mean if you really want to then go ahead. Can I ask why first?”

“A thanks for never dropping a hermit crab in my mouth whenever you offer me food?” he joked. You laughed again, the tension between you breaking.

“I do deserve thanks for that.” You nodded and presented your cheek, “Go ahead.”

Okay Felix. Do not screw this up. There is not conceivable way to mess this up. He inched closer and left a darting kiss to your warm cheek.

“I bring you a lot of snacks,” Your voice was a whisper, “I think maybe that’s worthy of two kisses.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” Felix turned your face so he could kiss your other cheek. “While we’re at it I think I’m owed more thanks for lugging that big goat of yours back to camp. It wasn’t light at all.”

“I suppose you do.” You grinned wider. This time when you kissed him you pressed it to the tip of his nose. “You also carried me here so if we think about it logically then I should--”

“Just kiss me already.” Felix pulled you closer.

“Yes sir,” You held his face in your small warm hands and kissed him on the mouth. Your lips were so soft and you tasted sweet like berries. “Felix,” You murmured against his lips.

“Hm?”

“If this is another way of keeping warm, it’s working.”

“Then we probably shouldn’t stop.” His lips met yours again. He couldn’t have you getting cold again after all.

---

(Part 1)