#and has treated me super shitty these last few years

[foggysirens]

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🦐 to recognize my post

Am I the asshole for asking my grandmother if I can move in with her?

This’ll be one of your classic reddit-style family dramas, I think. Back in late 2019 just before COVID, I (freshly 18 at the time) had run away from home with my mom and moved in with my best friend (R, 17 in 2019) and her (60s, deeply depressed) dad. Her dad and I were on good terms for a long time, but respectfully, he has a tendency to repress any issues he has with someone until they build into a bigger issue. Near toward November of 2020, he kicked me out on account of ‘not keeping a job and not doing anything around the house’ (I washed stagnant dishes often, took care of their several animals, and took out trash whenever I could, R and I think he was projecting his shitty roommates from when he was 20 onto me), so I needed a new place to move.

My own beloved father lives ten hours away, and offered for me to live with him. For months, I was preparing to pick up my entire life from the hometown I had lived in since I was 2 years old to move to a new state, and in the last month, I got cold feet and said I couldn’t make such a large change like that. My dad completely understood, and I went to look for a new place to stay, still living with R and her dad at this time.

During this period, I was getting closer with my grandmother on my mom’s side again. She was one of the few family members I felt comfortable with, and we often went to Panera for lunch dates to catch up on things. I won’t go super deep into why I’m so anxious about the rest of the family, because that would require an entire several page google document to explain (especially now that we’re actively banned from holidays).

It was around this time I asked my grandmother if I could move into one of her five or six spare rooms upstairs. My grandfather had died in the last couple of months, and I was confident that if she needed any help (she’s in her mid eighties) moving things upstairs or cleaning the house, I would be beyond glad to do it for her. She then hesitated and said it may be a better idea for me to move in with my dad after all (which was odd, because she hates my dad’s guts, as does the rest of my family), and I let it go after that. I didn’t push, I would just need to find a new place. 

Well, word got around, and she told my aunts and older cousins in passing. I don’t remember if I got sent anything in specific, but one of my aunts (mother’s older sister who I'm genuinely terrified of) absolutely fucking exploded on my (54 at the time) mom, giving her a several paragraph long shitstorm of a message saying she was a terrible mother for letting me take advantage of my grandmother, calling her horrible things, slurs, and insulting her wife, and it got back to me somehow. I was fucking shredded apart emotionally.

Since then, I have moved back in with my mother out of necessity and we have totally reconciled our relationship in the three or so years I’ve been home, and my entire mother’s side of the family- aside from my grandmother- has completely cut contact and don’t invite us to holidays anymore, for significantly more ridiculous reasons than me asking my grandmother what I did.

My mother’s side of the family ostracized her, myself, and my sister since my mother first married my dad 25ish years ago, and has just never treated her the same since, which explains some of the hostility (I want to specify, I’m confident that my mother did nothing outright wrong for this, my family is extremely far-right and EXTREMELY judgemental, and my mom bore unnecessary vitrol for everything she went through), but I need to know if I was actually the asshole for asking to move in with my grandmother, who even now still cares about me as family and lives alone. I could give less of a shit what my aunt thinks now (she lives an entire day’s drive away, in a different state as well), but I can’t help but shake the fear that I was actually taking advantage of her kindness or something of the sort. Was this a wrong thing to ask? Was this actually too much, and should I not have bothered?

What are these acronyms?

[sterakraffulz78]

This is hilarious and fateful

I saw the episode, and I never really thought that wasting time like this would be a suffering that lasted too long. I'm going to get good and bad things from what I saw

first for good, okay?

1. The deaf imp

In itself, I was very surprised by this character and to tell the truth I can consider him better than the other deep and sad Pseudos that only serve to make the panties get wet because of the Fujoshits, and it is something that in this program is seen very little or is scarce in Yes, it made me tender that Fizz treated him well.

2. Fizz and Asmodeus' relationship

What can we say, the relationship itself is healthy, and superior to many of both series and when Asmodeus protected Fizz it is something nice on his part, not like a certain owl who is only interested in the red cock who is a tremendous fucking creep unable to defend his """"little""", this relationship is one of the few salvageable things in this series

Now with the bad things

3. The songs

For the love of God... why? All the songs seem forgettable and super stupid to me, it seems that the only thing this chapter does is create time and necessary filler that will never contribute or amount to anything

4. The imp hater by fizarolli

This was expected, it doesn't surprise me much to tell the truth... just imagine that you are so hurt by harmless criticism of your program that you only hope for a good change and to be guided to do a good deed, but you prefer to spend and overexploit the Poor workers who only want some money to encourage your resentment in a lively way, this is ridiculous and makes others feel sorry for Viviana Medrano

5. Mammon

This is the first most annoying, loudest and most obnoxious thing I've ever seen followed by Chaz, the only thing he knows how to say is pure rudeness in every damn sentence, it's a fucking audiovisual blister that seems to never end, apart from the cringe I feel about it, the Deadly sins of this show will never be taken seriously and more that sexist phrase about "Women are not funny" and then you're dead... Damn you Medrano bitch, can't you at least respect a simple woman even if she has a tertiary role in your shitty program? (And ironic why you make penis jokes and swear words to wait for someone to laugh and praise you)

6. I HOPE THEY FUCK YOU BLITZ

Is it really necessary to put Blitz in every episode? For the love of God, am I already sick of listening and seeing that red cringe guy making those embarrassing faces and hearing his voice why can't I listen to Brandon normally anymore without remember this abusive and manipulative guy swearing!? They shoehorned this guy in just to get "laughs" and make him stick to Fizz when he was given the biggest tragedy of his life

7. Good vs bad, hAha ​​tHeY aRe RiGht wHy tHEy aRe nExT To thE bOyS aNd uwu sOfT

As always, our wonderful writing writing the bad characters, like the black ones in this Turkish soap opera and making them caricatures for mockery and portraying them as the soft boys and uwu the good ones. These characters are already predictable, if there is a soft and sore young gay uwu, he will be the good one because he is the soft and sore young gay uwu and we are all forced to take his side, while those who have the potential to be good villains like Striker, you position them as silly, cartoonish and you are the generic antagonist of a series for children under 6 years old, for example Asmodeus against Mammon

It's good that the views are getting lower and lower, so soon we won't be able to stand this series in decline and the next more ridiculous, repulsive, mediocre, cringe and pathetic chapter written by a ridiculous, mediocre, cringe, pathetic, misogyny, sexist, Transphobic , racist, xenophobic writer who only ruined her own work so that her little friends the Fujoshits (I already saw you SatorRojas, TeaTheKook and Dani) get their panties wet and buy more panties again to get them wet because they can't stand two boys together

[hoardingpuffin]

Okay, so lemme preface this by saying I haven't watched the PJO show yet because I am boycotting the Mouse Company, however this post is likely going to at reference spoilers from later books [just fyi if you are not familiar with the books and want to avoid spoilers]

In the past few days I have seen so many readers be absolute SHITS toward people who are completely new to the fandom, who are show-watchers only, and it's making me so fjucking mad.

Like yeah, I get it, we are all super hyped to finally get a good adaption of these books, but there is no reason - absolutely no reason - to treat non-readers the way I've seen some people treat them, especially when all they do is ask for a spoiler warning.

I've legit seen people say things like, I quote: "The books were out for years, learn to read, you imbecile" (I wish I was kidding) and more in that general tone, and guys, that's shitty ass behaviour. Stop.

People are going to be newcomers to a fandom. People who maybe were too young for the books then are old enough for the show now, or people might not have been aware of the books at all and then saw the ads for the show and went "well that seems fun I'll give it a watch" - and this elitism of some of the readers is going to ruin the experience of these newcomers and possibly even turn them away from the PJO fandom before they could even properly get invested.

Yes, the books have been out for years. Yes, there was plenty of chance to read them. Yes, people are going to likely get spoiled when exploring the online part of the fandom. That doesn't give you an excuse to be shitty to these newcomers, to insult them, call them illiterate or cuss them out. Just put a fucking spoiler warning on your Luke Castellan Tiktok edit if it's gonna reference what happens to him with Kronos. Put a fucking spoiler warning on your Clarisse LaRue edit that references Silena's death in Last Olympian. It's not that hard, it is one little word. Plus, novel thought [/s], not all book readers get to watch the show immediatly and might likewise appreciate a spoiler warning!

I seriously don't get why I have seen nothing but hostility toward newcomers since the show has been out. I thought we'd be excited that a whole new wave of people gets to experience this series that we all love for the first time! For me, there is nothing quite so exciting as getting my friends into a fandom I've been in that they haven't - we should let newcomers give that chance with PJO.

Tag spoilers. It is one word, it's not that hard, and it makes the fandom space more welcoming.

Also don't cuss out people who are new. Don't go all high and mighty "It's not my fault you can't read" at them - it's shitty. It is asshole behaviour and you are gonna give the fandom a bad name.

Basically, don't be a dick and let newcomers enjoy the show.

[markantonys]

Hi! What are your thoughts on the first two Domina episodes?

i'm liking the season so far! it's bringing ALL the messy drama and beautiful costumes that i loved in s1, and i love that it feels like even more of an ensemble show now that the kids are older and we're getting to see more of them, especially marcella and the antonias who were mostly background characters in s1. the downside is that there isn't enough time for every character - my beloved julia was barely in these two episodes, but hopefully she'll have time to shine later in the season.

my beloved iullus continues to be rome's #1 himbo and i love that for him and for julia and for me <3 my beloved octavia continues to slay every scene she's in, and i feel like this season has been more equitable in the julian vs. claudian conflict, which makes me happy. my impression in s1 was that they were trying to sell livia as our righteous girlboss heroine whose detractors are all villainous, and correspondingly livia's kids as victims and octavia's as bullies, whereas this season shows livia in a more neutral light and offers a lot of sympathy to the victims of her ambitions (octavia's grief for marcellus, gemina's whole storyline). i think that since last season ended with livia's moral tipping point (killing marcellus), that naturally allows the narrative in this season to acknowledge and lean into her moral ambiguity and to really question whether her ends justify her means, which is great. of course, it could just be that i was in a different frame of mind when i watched s1 several years ago rather than an actual change in the show, so take this point of comparison with a grain of salt!

speaking of gemina, so far i quite like that storyline! i was expecting her to be treated by the narrative as an object in the way of livia's goals and for us to never see her again after she was sold in ep1, so i was very pleasantly surprised when she cropped up again and when ep2 focused on her emotions rather than just making her a sexy lamp for augustus to fuck. our elite protagonists talk a big game about Rome and The Republic but don't actually give a shit about the people who live there, and gemina's storyline is a good way to counteract the propaganda the main characters spout and to show how lower classes and conquered peoples are harmed by the roman elite. i'm really intrigued to see where her storyline goes, especially now that scribonia is involved, but i remember that (imo) s1 had an appalling lack of empathy for scribonia's shitty treatment by augustus and just painted her as a high school mean girl, so i'm also a little nervous to see what they do with this duo lmao

marcella is also a high school mean girl so far, which is disappointing but not surprising given her few scenes in s1. i would love for them to allow her more depth later on, but i'm not sure how likely that is (and, i mean, fair play if they want to show that the richest kids in rome are plain ol spoiled brats and there's nothing deeper to it haha). i guess that's how i'd sum up my main problem with s1, that it fell into the trap of pitting women against each other in a patriarchal society where men are the ones oppressing them. s2 does this too, but so far it's been in a way that seems more self-aware and seems to be putting the blame more on the patriarchy than on the women fighting and hurting each other for power (livia's rant to antonia about being a woman in rome comes to mind), so we will see!

oh, the last thing i wanted to mention is how funny this show is at times! i really love when period dramas let themselves be funny rather than taking themselves super seriously all the time and acting like people in ye olden days never swore or made jokes.

[beboped1]

Maskerade

It's been a few months - I realized I needed a break, that the books were starting to run together and feel samey. Then things exploded for a while, but now I'm back! I'll probably be slower than last time, but I'm hoping to find a sustainable pace to get through the whole set.

Maskerade

First Read: I honestly don't remember. Probably after grad school.

Verdict then: Fun but not super memorable. The twist ending is mostly what stuck

Verdict now: Some great lines, and Weatherwax/Ogg is always delightful. It's better than Moving Pictures, but Pratchett still hadn't quite nailed the balance between homage, parody, and core story. Plus, while admittedly good for its time, the fat jokes are still pretty gross.

I dropped out about 2/3 of the way through, after struggling for a couple weeks to get that far, and 9 months later, restarted and blasted through in two weekdays. I'd definitely been getting too used to Pratchett's style and jokes, making them less likely to land, and the break fixed that. But this book still felt almost standard - hitting many of the same kinds of jokes and same kinds of parody/homage/story beats as Moving Pictures, Witches Abroad, and Wyrd Sisters did.

As someone familiar with, but not enamored with Opera (did season tickets for about 4 years, but stopped after that), the jokes mostly landed, especially the ones which crossed over with modern theater. Pratchett does construct this book in a pretty clever way, intending for the book itself to stand as an example of how all those "silly" operatic tropes can still create emotion and story and wonder. But he's ultimately just not quite a good enough writer yet to pull it all off - the meta-structure of the book is too transparent, the twist too easily predictable (even given the meta structure), the binding to Phantom of the Opera in particular too tight. Where Moving Pictures' weakness came from the broadness of its focus, Maskerade was too focused - it's not a parody/homage of opera, it's a parody/homage of Phantom of the Opera.

Weatherwax is also too good in this book - after the complexity and struggles of Witches Abroad and Lords & Ladies, it's a little sad to return to a version of Weatherwax that's more Wyrd Sisters or Equal Rites, where Granny is too clever and too strong for anything to really bother her. I feel like the book takes her side against Nanny Ogg too often also - while their relationship has a lot of good-natured catfighting in it, many of the exchanges in this book crossed the line into cruelty for me. Ogg herself is wonderful though - I do love the way her way is constrasted to Granny's mostly without making it seem lesser.

That brings us to Agnes/Perdita. Pratchett is trying, oh, he's trying. And for the 90s, he's doing better than a lot of people - hell, he's still probably better than many today. But, man, the way he described Agnes' body, and Basilica/Slugg's, and even Ogg got a few jabs, was just shitty. Tie that to the Agnes/Perdita split, which may have resonated more with me when I was younger, I'll admit, but which now just felt...like not enough. Pratchett, while he was ultimately trying to treat his fat characters with some compassion, as he does everyone, still didn't question so much of the bullshit around weight that's hanging around in society. The complete acceptance of the standard cultural framing around weight meant that he could only be so compassionate, so understanding of Agnes. And that lack of connection, of understanding, meant the whole character fell flat to me in the end. Even her arc, a classic "coming to accept yourself" bit, didn't really work for me.

So, in the end, Maskerade is perfectly serviceable, and it's a long way from the mess of Interesting Times, but I'm not surprised I'd forgotten most of it - in the end, it just doesn't stand out. I was really hoping this rut I was seeing was just me getting burned out - but no, Maskerade still falls prey to many of the same things Soul Music and Feet of Clay did.

[myg0thb1tchcamewitagl0ck]

im think im falling in love with my coworker, who is in downbad for my friend, but she has a bf...

the whole situation is messed upppp but let me explain

important context: im f, 17, said coworker is m, 21, my friend is f 17, a few months younger than i. i turn 18 this month. i usually only date women, so this (being downbad for some GUY?) is lowkey crazy. im also a lover girl thru nd thru, nd I have never had a casual fling, only life ruining relationships that usually end poorly for me because im attracted to rly shitty ppl.

so. theres this guy at work ive recently gotten so super close with, let's call him danny. we have very similar tastes in music, shows, humor, hes very compassionate, and funny and super cute (multiple girls at work think this unfortunately). we both like horror and conspiracy theories and books and yapping and video games and other cultures (he likes the women, I like the languages and history LOL). we worked together for a while before we started talking, but we started a few weeks ago nd havent stopped since. unfortunately what I found out is that he really likes this girl at work, lets call her jen. jen is my ethnicity, and she's a lot prettier than me. she's gorgeous and super funny, and gullible asf, she's everything I am but a thousand times more. her personality is addictive, and I can see why he likes her. she's quickly becoming one of my closest friends, as were both currently seniors at our local highschool.

this brings up the first complication: the age gap. danny would never do anything until either of us are 18 that much is clear- he is not Diddy.

complication 2: unfortunately for danny, even after jen turns 18, she currently has a boyfriend who she loves. however, said bf is super duper awful, an embarrassment to boyfriends everywhere, and I know danny thinks he could treat jen better. ive been friends with girls like jen before, I think that relationship probably still will last another year and a half, even tho ive tried to tell her to wake up nd break up like everyone else in her life.

complication 3: mine and dannys friendship started pretty innocently. I was trying to get with another coworker, a girl, and I was trying to help Danny and jen get together. so now I'm struggling tryna figure out how to move myself out of the friend zone to the "hey shes a possible romantic interest" zone without ruining our friendship

complication 4: I don't know that he is even attracted to me. I'm his type on paper, hispanic and a little bit emo, but I weigh significantly more than jen, and that definitely makes her more attractive to him. he's never dated a heavier person as far as I can tell, and I fear that's one of the biggest things in the way right now (literally and figuratively). I don't know, does weight matter that much to guys? for me personally size doesn't matter but I figure that's not the case for everyone..?? also even if that's not a factor, attraction isn't as simple as being someone's "type". if he's just not into me, that's hard to get past right?

[thornerants]

I feel lonely all the time, and I'm starting to hate being single. It used to never really bother me but it's really getting to me lately. I think it has a lot to do with my friend being in relationships this year. Her first boyfriend this year was literally my cousin who I strongly dislike and he treated me like I was a homewrecker their entire relationship and even texted me telling me to stop being so 'overly affectionate' with his girlfriend. She eventually broke up with him cause he tried to pressure her into having sex with him.

Her current boyfriend is a guy I used to get along with fine. We had some classes together and we talked but I always found him a little annoying. From where I was standing they started dating out of the blue, I had suspected it a little I noticed them talking more and him buying her drinks. But they started dating and I didn't hear from her that she was even interested in him and all of her friends seemed to know so I felt really left out. Then after they start dating everything he says or does ticks me off, I was in general in a really bad place I had just had surgery and was in a lot of pain and stressing over getting caught up and my schedule fixed. I don't even know if they're still together cause she barely replies to my messages.

Anyway there's this guy I've had a crush on for essentially the whole school year but he's a year ahead of me so we didn't have any classes together or mutual friends so I had no real excuse to talk to him so I didn't. My friends tried a few times to pressure me into talking to him or in general insulting his appearance. My friends seem to think I have awful taste which is ironic considering all the shitty guys and girls they've been with. On the last day of school I wish I could say I had finally gained the courage to tell him how I felt or just talk to him but I was super depressed and lonely so I confessed because I decided if I didn't I would cut myself. I'd had several small conversations with him but I don't think he really remembered who I was. I told him that I found him cute and had had a crush on him for most of the year and he replied with "oh, okay" he sounded confused and a little nervous but I was glad to be done with it. Confessing on the last day of school still feels really cowardly and I wish I had gotten more of a response but I didn't really ask him out or anything I just told him I liked him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for ruining my shitty boss' reputation and potentially discouraging good teachers from working at a socioeconomically disadvantaged school?

(apologies, this is a long one)

Last year, I (24F - then 23) got a teaching job at the public high school I graduated from. I worked under a vice principal (late 30s/early 40s), who I will call VP. I was hired alongside three other first year teachers, but I was the only one who was an alumni of the school. As a former student at the high school, and as someone who lives in the area the high school services, I know that the area (and school) have a bad reputation that isn't deserved (it's mostly racism and prejudice imo). The teachers are very supportive and have a strong sense of community with the students, and generally work to provide opportunities for underprivileged kids. I wouldn't be where I am today without their support, and they were super happy to have me back as well and work with me in a professional capacity - and I was excited to do the same.

Now, my VP and principal had been working at that school site for the past few years - long after I graduated - so I don't have the same connection with them, nor they with me. VP initially offered me a temp position, then it got switched to a permanent position as the teacher whose position I took decided they're not coming back.

So I always felt that the VP was picking on me for some reason, but never really brought it up because I didn't want to seem like I was complaining at work as the newbie. He would do twice a week walk-in observations of my classroom, while the other first year teachers got walk-in observations twice every three months. He would also have meetings with me during my prep time 4 out of 5 days of the week - meaning I barely got any prep (once again, he would not do this with the other first year teachers). He also frequently forgot my name and would write me up for ridiculous reasons (he once wrote me up because a student farted in my class and I didn't reprimand the student! What the fuck do I say to that?!).

It got to the point where, even though I wasn't complaining to my coworkers, they noticed. Other teachers brought up how oddly and unfairly he was treating me, and even set up a meeting with our union representative on my behalf. At the meeting, I brought up these grievances, and VP downplayed them all and claimed any perceived slight was not intentional, and since most of the issues weren't in writing (except for the numerous write-ups) it was his word against mine. The meeting ended with us both apologizing to each other, and really nothing else happened. His weird treatment of me actually escalated after the union rep meeting; he once came into my classroom and yelled at me in front of my students for letting a student go to the bathroom, and also demanded I work outside of my contracted work hours (which I refused, and he made it clear he didn't like that).

Needless to say, all of the other teachers in my department and myself were all wondering why the fuck does he not like me, and we found out why recently. During one of his tirades late last school year, he told me (verbally - no written proof) that he didn't want to hire me and only did so because the other teachers on the hiring committee insisted upon it. He told me to thank my lucky stars that my position was the one that "happened" to become permanent. I told my coworkers, and one of them (whose wife works at the school district's HR department) informed me that shortly after I was hired VP was in a super long meeting with HR arguing over a new hire - which we now guess was likely me. It also came out that the two other first year teachers frequently go to bars with him and play golf.

Long story short, earlier this week he told me that he's firing me so that he can instead transfer in another teacher from a different site - one that, you guessed it, he goes to bars with and plays golf. This guy has a bad reputation in the district, though, for generally being a shitty guy and an even shittier teacher.

When the news broke to my department, it quickly spread to the rest of the school. A lot of the older, more established teachers at my school became really outraged, apparently complained to the union and the principal about it, union said they can't really do anything because nothing wrong was officially committed, principal stood behind VP's decision, yadda yadda, and a bunch of teachers have since made it clear they are also not returning next year. Resignation notices, sudden retirement declarations, requests to transfer to other schools in the district - you name it. A good 85% of the teachers at the school are leaving suddenly, including influential pillars of the school's community, people who have been there since the school was founded.

Here is the main WIBTA:

Last year, I was also working on getting a Master's degree in education, and I accomplished that. Yahoo, yay, etc. Due to the nature of my thesis and Master's program, I worked closely with a few professors of education, who - in turn - have a bunch of connections with various big-name people in the area. Also, over summer break, my thesis was good enough that they toured me around a bit, and I got to make acquaintances with other notable people with notable connections. Once again, in an effort to seem professional, I didn't complain or really reveal any of my lukewarm feelings about my boss, but now, as my professors continue to want to have me showboat my thesis around, they keep asking how my work is. I'm going to tell them that I'm no longer going to be working at that school (partially to be truthful, partially to ask them to be references) - but moreso, I'm thinking of telling them how shitty my boss was. If I do that, knowing them, they'll likely tell some of the many people they know, who will likely ruin this man's whole career. However, these professors also teach teacher credential classes and trainings, and I'm worried they might discourage future teachers from working at that school. I don't want to doom the students of this school to shitty teachers who don't support them all because of a shitty vice principal.

So, WIBTA for complaining about my shitty boss to some influential people I know and possibly discourage teachers from working at that school?

What are these acronyms?

[dearestrex-blog]

feeling hurt, why the lies? An ode to mental illness.

Wow, it had been a long time since my last post. However due the pain, I am feeling I wish to blog again. Unfortunately pain is not always well understood by others and even if you might mention it is them they don't seem to care. For instance just before writing this, I told a friend I was feeling hurt. The response I got was *ok*. I mean thanks for at least saying something but it doesn't exactly open the channels of communication.

However when I say at least there was a response that is because often I will text someone and get no response. Zilch, nothing, a ghosting type scenario. Occasionally I may get a response days later. But often, so often there is no response. I mean it is not hard to say sorry I don't have time to chat or sorry I think we are different people and I'm not interested in the friendship or something. No response it is just disrespectful and rude.

That leads me to colleagues, how hard is it to freaking say hello to someone? You do not have to like a person to be able to treat them as a person. What the hell is wrong in someone's head that they think it appropriate to say nothing at all to a colleague? You do not have to be best friends.

No wonder we have an epidemic of depression and loneliness when people treat each other so badly.

I was listening to the ABC news yesterday and yes that may give away my location. However I think this news was really important. It had a program that was speaking about lonliness and making friends. Some woman rang up and said she has friends she had known 60 years. How is this helpful to point out to those who have little friends or want more friends? You want to boast about your friends you had for 60 years, really ? Is that appropriate? I don't think so. Anyways this program was super good apart from that caller. I wasn't able to catch all of the program and plan to re listen.

On the exact same day (it was quite a good day in radio program land) there was a segment on Light FM. This was also quite a useful segment in terms of mental health, loneliness and friendship. I think these programs and others need to give this topic a lot more air time. On the ABC I think one of the best things they said was it should not be up to those who are isolated but those around them to see they are isolated and invite them out and include them. I think if there was more of this a lot less people would be suffering. They were saying a third of people feel lonely. They were speaking also about people feeling crappy and kind of isolating themselves the more crappy they feel.

Anyways my next point and why I am feeling shitty and writing this blog is because of a few things. One is that I am sick of people being dismissive and i really do not understand how people are so cruel. I mean it is like the statement how are you and when you say I feel awful and they say nothing. Or you try to tell them something and they block with *I don't want to hear it* as happened to me recently.

I was starting to feel better, do you know why? I finally had someone in my life who didn't have to speak to me but took the time to. Someone who had never met me but wanted to actually share parts of their life with me over several hours of talking. This person is still in my life however, I am honestly not sure how much I trust them. I felt a lot for them due to knowing I could help them in their life with their struggles and I would have loved to support that person in whatever made them happy. But I don't not think they are completely honest with me, so I'm taking a step back. They are in my life, but I don't like dishonesty. I do not like it especially when there is no reason for it. Pretty you can't talking due to wifi and then going on another site just means it is a downright lie about wifi. And it is fine if you don't want to talk and are busy, don't lie about it. It just shows how little you care about the person If you cannot be honest with them. There is that and yes that person is highly aware I would have done anything for them, they don't know yet that I realise they are lying to me and thus my trust for them and my willingness to do anything for them has waned.

My second issue apart from this person who in a short time, I started to care for a lot because of their willingness to share their life with me is family. And no my family is not abusive. At least not in the typical way. And that is what makes it extremely hard as what I am to describe next is what is hard to get support for as it is unseen. At least if you are hit but family it can be seen and people will believe you am when you talk about family issues and actually be supportive. In the case of emotional abuse as it is unseen the there is a severe lack of emotional support. I barely speak to my parents, unlike those I know who continue to live with theirs (a few friends) and those who see theirs regularly for dinner.

I spoke to one parent today (the one I talk to), the other I only speak to if seen in person. This happens because one decided to pick on everything about me and lower my self esteem to such a low level that it shatters so easily. I mean if your family cannot support and believe in you then it completely shatters any confidence as a person (which is then compounded by ghosting and nasty dismissive colleagues). The one I don't speak to picks on my weight and used to say I was fatter than them but refused to get on the scales (as it was untrue) and apparently my weight compared to what they weighed at the same age as them was important. No idea why, just classic abuse I get since I was a size 8 to 10. I had probably grown from a size 8 and underweight to a size 10 and thus apparently that was enough to utterly harass me about my weight.

Yes a couple of friends know all this but despite they understand this, it doesn't really change the feeling horrible or low confidence or self esteem and it doesn't help with the barrage of when others treat me bad that compounds these feelings.

Anyways apart from my weight, my friends were picked on, my clothes were picked on (they weren't outrageous and had they been who cares, I should be able to wear what I want without being picked on or put down). It got to the point I really had enough of this constant treatment so after years of suffering we only talk should I go to parents house in person. Getting back to calling the other parent. I called to ask about something but apparently asking and having a chat whilst they are in the middle of *paperwork* is too much and I was hurried off the phone. I barely speak to them, don't see them for dinner ever, don't see them for birthday, often I choose not to go to Christmas celebrations (as why would I want to and the one who picks on me drinks and is worse - although last Christmas didn't for a change).

Anyways I am not looking for replies and even if you do reply there are too many trolls that I refuse to read responses (including on social media accounts).

I really just wanted to voice my thoughts and get them down as often I feel shitty and I think one day I may finally sort that out. And yes so many people are aware of this. Whether they believe it though, I do not think so and honestly I don't care if they do. If they want to act on believing and caring they would and some people have. The extremely shall we say rare gems in life that actually care about others and know how to show it.

For a better understanding I have told yes via text but it is still communicating, about cutting to several relatives and a work colleague who subsequently told management (to say he will not ever be told of my thought on this again well that is clear). My relatives what did they do? F all. Go and see a therapist. Yes because talking to a stranger and no body giving a f about me and feeling depressed helps.

Did they consider visiting me or making sure I'm OK by spending time with me and showing they love me? NO, a big fat NO. So yes family is not physically abusive, but I don't think when your relative says they cut themselves you completely ignore that. I just cannot fathom every doing that to the next generation of relatives I have (no it wasn't deep and yes it was a weird experience in that I wanted to get the emotional pain out for all to see. However then the probelm was it not professional for it to be seen at work. It was shallow but nevertheless marked for a little while.). It just highlights how very little they as some say gaf. And yes that is short for three words.

Anyways desire having no much desire to see a psych sometimes when you could lose your job, you are kind of forced to. And that is not the role where the colleague dobbed me into management who forced me to take time off work (because staying at home and wallowing in wanting to die was extremely healthy for me, not!l). I saw a few different ones and my current friend who I mention above that has been talking to me is unaware of this, however if the file they sent me hacked me phone then I think they will be aware of it now. This friend thinks psychs are not useful and I can agree on a certain level. I went to these psychs (psychologists to spell out the word and be more clear). They got money from me, saw me a few sessions and you poor your heart out to them, all the type of stuff written above and guess that they do? They tell you I'm sorry I don't think I can help you. I've seen you a few times and now you also want to reject me? I even told one that the previous one had rejected me and they still had the audacity to reject me. I should have reported them however when you are in a bad place sometimes it is difficult to have the energy to do much.

Anyways 2 of the people I saw rejected me, one was not useful, one was hard to see due to my work schedule and that one cut the session in half. And the finally one that place was a bit of a stitch up as made me pay a fortune despite that it should have been cheaper. That person seemed nice enough but I didn't have 100 dollars to keep giving them just to talk to them about stuff. As the person who I mention earlier has said you should be able to lean on friends for most stuff. And no he is no aware I went. Would I dare mention it to him and then him also say sorry you are too crazy, I don't want to talk to you? No

Becuase that is another probelm I have had, people reject you if you tell them you are suffering. Uni friends did exactly that. Past relationships whilst many have not cared and been extremely generous, kind and supportive with my trauma. There are those who one you tell them, they cannot run away fast enough.

Anyways no idea if this will ever be read by anyone or if I even want it read by anyone. However it is good to put my feeling down and have an example of how I feel, should I need to show it to anyone to better understand me Although likely not, as I don't want more time off to continue to feel shitty, I don't want more rejection based on these words. I don't have the strength.

I appreciate those who generously give them time and are supportive. The rare gems who actually listen about feeling shitty and actually understand and emphasise instead of dismiss. Albeit I am highly sick of always being the one to text first. To not hear for months from people. And no I have not mentioned the sibling and in order to attempt to remain anonymous I do not want to go into the lies, gaslighting, drunkeness and utterly inability to respond to messages such that I don't bother anymore. On regard to said sibling.

Anyways back to the few that listen. Thank you, you have no idea the change you make, in making life a bit more bearable. The one who I mention above who was calling me, you may never know the difference you made by coming into my life and telling me about your life. I am not sure yet, if that will ever come out as the friendship that I have with you is far too new and despite your lies about wifi oo valuable to me to risk losing by telling you this. I am already far too aware of your thoughts about depression, psychs, and I fear telling you would make you run a mile. I continue to appreciate you from afar and hope to be able to remain your friend for a long time. Despite thinking maybe, just maybe it would be possible to date since we are both single albeit living no where near each other. Despite willing to spend money I shouldn't in an attempt to see you in person far quicker than you could probably understand considering the length of time we have known each other (for you mean a great deal). It is fine for you to be cautious, of someone you haven't ever seen in person, that could be a potential spammer, that could try be after your money. Albeit I am not after anyone's money. I am not wanting to scam you and really all I seek is some good, supportive people or network of people who can lift me up when others try and succeed in pushing me down.

I thought in both being single and your bad experiences dating that I could support you albeit you are hung up on your ex. I had just hoped to show you not everyone of the opposite sex is horrid and out to get you. I hoped to just show affection for you as you have meant a lot to me.

I think I'm getting to end of my rambling. Essentially I wanted to get my thoughts down. If someone should read this, my hope is that they can be kind and not dismiss others. My hope is that they do not tell others to see a psych and actually listen to the person. My hope is that if you ask someone how they are that you will really listen to the person and support them if they say they feel awful. Let them speak. You don't have to say a lot, but ignoring or dismissing them is just cruel. Saying nothing to a person you work with is also cruel. Something that I to this say cannot understand how a person can behave in that manner. Essentially all I want is for people to be kind, you don't have to love or like a person to be kind. You don't have to truly care but you can make a huge difference by just listening and being friendly. Just as you can make a person's life hell by doing the reverse. Everyone is suffering and this my story. This is how I suffer and my story isn't over but tonight I end to out the suffering in words. For should I ever wish it to be over, the words ahave started to be rewritten, the why and who and how has began to be told. People don't understand mental heath, they don't like to associate with those with mental health issues they like to push them away which further complicates and alienates the person suffering. But this is my story about mental health. Albeit there is a lot missing from it, as I have only spoken to how I feel today albeit in a lengthy way. I am by no means an angel and have hurt people and continue to regret the hurt I have caused kind hearted partners in the past. Something I can never take back and did not understand how I hurt them at the time for many years afterwards. I don't know where this will go in internet land but hopefully it helps explain mental illness and the affect one person can have on others. I hope that one day my next generation of relatives will understand thy I wasn't in their lives when they were younger and be more accepting and supportive than the rest of my relatives.

I hope that oe day I can tell the person the affect they have had when we know each other better and that person will not reject me for admitting it. I hope really truly deeply hope people can learn to be kinder, less dismissive and just accepting of people. I will never understand why people are not friendly, I will never understand why they are dismissive or cruel. I hope that the laws will change as I know they can be terrible for children being place back in households with drug use and abusive situations. No child should be suffering and forced to live in an unsafe situation. The world needs a lot of change to be a better place and that starts with the behaviour of us all and the way we all treat each other.

[diary-in-disguise]

Christmas? You Sure? 12/24/22

Ughh this has been a bland Christmas. I hope i can get more amped up and festive next year. I just felt so busy lately. And last night I had a serious problem. Basically ESTP Cat messaged me and I spoke to her for a bit. Sadly the conversation felt super potent on me. I didnt tell ESTJ about it yet since i wanted him to enjoy his Christmas. However there is some sort of revolt that could take place. This whole situation made me super uncomfortable. Apparently the owner of the server is unhappy with how I am treating ENFP. However he has been dead and wont speak to me. So the damn pussy wont even confront me. What a literal bitch.

I dare people to revolt against me. I am far more talented as an artist and it is their loss. Their art is so dirty and shitty. Looks liek somebody submerged it in either mud or oil. Anyways I felt super awful last night. I took some weed oil to help with my anxiety and honestly that was a bad discussion to have while high. I kept imagining a situation where I did lose control. Where I was silent. Where I was taunted. It was awful. I couldnt handle it at all. The fact somebody other than me taking control of my work is just an awful feeling. And possibly being made to keep quiet or some theoretical restraint felt just terrible. The fact stuff couldnt be the same. I want so badly to work, more than ever. I will prove myself with it. Though these fools probably cant see it. Their art loses, mine wins. In addition to my art, my infographics and work also outshines theirs. Imagining if i cannot do that, or worse, if it is mishandled...The absolute devastation of incompetence. I will not stand for it. I will not stand for flaky dipshits that have a low IQ in common to try and revolt. I will demand a fight. I am not like the rest who give in. I will fight these fucks and tell them the truth. I will work so hard these next few weeks. This is what I want to do.

I will show them my meaning and my worth through my sheer talent.

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

I wake up and put my light brown hair into a messy bun. Once upon a time, my hair used to be my whole pride and joy. But ever since my mother died in a plane accident and my father invested in all the wrong stocks..... Add the funeral costs, the gambling addiction, the alcoholism that followed...

Well. Small family out of luck moving to the big city, a tale as old as time.

Me from three years ago would never treat my hair this way. Inflicting the shitty elastic hair bands upon it. Not owning a single Hairspray bottle. And, worst of all. Having to use 3-in-1-shampoo.

It may sound stupid but... I have been defined by my hair for so long. It was my mother who taught me to wake up two hours before school to get my hair in order. It was my nickname in High School. "Look!", the girls would whisper in excitement when I walked down the hall "it's Steve "The Hair" Harrington!"

That is now firmly in the past. Yesterday I was waiting for the subway and a passerby threw a few coins in my direction because they thought I was homeless. I didn't correct them because we truly can use every penny. I used the money to buy a cheap hair oil, which I have to hide inside my closet. My father is a stubborn man who refuses to accept charity, but if he knew I used the money for something as selfish as this he would disown me. Not that the Harrington name means much anymore.

I go down the stairs where my father is already awake. Yes, we live in a very tiny and very cheap building. Yes, we have multiple storeys. Those two things can and do coexist. I am the living evidence for that. Father is pouring beer into his cereal bowl. I frown. Normally he eats his cereal with Whiskey or Rum in the mornings. My frown deepens when I see that the many eviction letters and unpaid bills that normally are spilling down the table are gone. Something is wrong.

"Oh, Hello Steve", my father says and smiles. Now I definitely know that something is up. My mother told me that the last time my father smiled was the day before I was born.

"What is going on?", I ask. I can feel my voice trembling despite my best efforts.

"You", a deep and hot and smolthering and sexy and (insert synonym for hot) voice says. I turn around. A group of like ten people is standing in our living room. Somehow it is not cramped at all even though we are still living in a very small apartement. With multiple floors.

"Who is this group of like ten people standing in our living room?", I ask.

"We are nine people. Can't you count?" The douchy-looking one asks.

"It's not my fault my father didn't let me finish high school", I cry.

The smolthering one steps towards me. He has beautifully long hair. Three years ago I would've been horrified at how he treats his hair, but now I am using 3-in-1-shampoo, so it looks absolutely divine in comparison. His eyes look like they have an inferno trapped inside them. An inferno...of passion. I can feel his breath against my face and for a crazy second I think he is going to kiss me. Which is ridiculous of course. Such a big and strong and cool and edgy (/pos) guy would never want anything with a small and tiny and pathetic little sopping wet kitty man like me :(

"Boys", he says, turning around. "Tell this hotshot lil big boy who we are"

"I'm Mike", the douchy-looking one says.

"I'm Will", the one with a horrible bowlcut says. I immediately feel better about my own hair.

"I'm Dustin". I now feel even better about my own hair situation.

"I'm Lucas", the token black one says. He is here to earn a few diversity points because we are #woke.

"I'm Gareth", says another one.

"I didn't really get a name in the actual show, but people headcanon me as Jeff", the other black one says. Wow!, I think. This super cool band is diverse^2

"And I", the super hot vocalist and obvious love interest whispers sexily into my ear, "now own you"

I look at him confused. It is super unfair how long his eyelashes are. I wish I still had enough money to buy mascara. "What?", I whisper huskily.

"Steve", my father says. "I have sold you to this super cool rock band. Eddie and the rotting cough or something"

"Corroded Coffin"

"That's what I said"

I look up at my new owner. "You are mine, pretty boy", he whispers in my ear. "Thank god that you are hot", I answer, "or this would be very creepy instead of romantic". Then we make out.

-> more shitposts :)

[aryiaday]

AITA for "stealing" my (35F) ex-boyfriend (38M)'s ex-boyfriend (34M)

a geraskefer reddit spoof

Okay, I know this doesn’t sound great, but let me explain the background first. I (35F) have had a long on-again, off-again relationship with my ex (38M), who we’ll call Eric. We’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, for lack of a better word. We fought a lot in the times we were together and sometimes it seemed like we were better when we were “off”, but we always ended up together again.

Here’s where the other ex comes in. Eric has been friends with this other guy (34M) who we’ll call Dan since they were teenagers. Dan was frankly horrible to me when I started dating Eric. He was always making snide little comments about my appearance or making me sound like a shitty person to Eric. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t particularly nice to him either, but I could see that he was jealous of what we had so I wasn’t surprised.

The three of us and some other friends went on a camping trip two years ago and Eric and I got into a huge fight (I want kids, he doesn’t), and we broke up for the most recent time. I left the trip early so I didn’t see what happened but supposedly Eric and Dan had a falling out too. That one was a surprise to me because honestly I never thought it would happen given how close they were and how long they’d known each other. Eric’s a park ranger and doesn’t see a ton of people besides me and Dan and his brothers, so he tends to keep the few people he does have close to him.

A few weeks ago, I was at a bar and I saw some people I used to be friends with and I went into a corner to try to avoid them, and ended up running into Dan. I’ve had a pretty shit year with people so to be honest it was kinda nice to see someone I knew wasn’t gonna stab me in the back. We ended up talking for all night and I got so smashed that he let me crash on his couch (nothing happened).

Anyways, since then we’ve been getting closer and we’ve become pretty good friends. He told me that he and Eric (confirming my suspicions) did actually date in the times Eric and I were “off” (which was fine by me, we weren’t exclusive then anyways) and that they basically also broke up during the camping trip when we did. He’s been over at my place pretty much all the time and we’re essentially dating now but haven’t put a label on it or anything. As far as I could see, Eric didn’t treat Dan super well but I’m not going to pretend I understood their relationship, so I was trying not to think about it.

In attempting to mend old bridges, I also started talking to Eric again a few months ago (as friends) and he told me he ended up (!!!) adopting a little girl since we broke up. Her parents were family friends of Eric and they were killed in a boating accident a few years ago. She used to live with her grandmother but she passed away, so Ellie ended up with Eric somehow. Honestly, I was pretty shocked given how averse to having kids he was when we were together, but it’s actually pretty cute to see them together now.

Here’s where shit hit the fan: Eric said Ellie wants to learn piano and I’ve been playing for thirty years so I suggested he bring her over and I could teach her every week. Last week, when they were over, I forgot to text Dan that they were here and he brought dinner over as a surprise. Eric was so shocked to see us together and we explained to him that we’ve been dating for a while.

Eric blew up at me saying that I “never liked Dan in the past” and “how could I steal him (Dan) from him (Eric)” blah blah and I told him that he should have treated him better then, especially since HE’s the one who broke up with DAN in the first place and it’s not my fault if other people see what a great person Dan is. Eric left my place in a huff and we haven’t talked since. Dan felt pretty awkward about the whole thing (he’s way nicer than either Eric or I) and feels caught in the middle.

Was it wrong of me to start dating Dan? I don’t think so, especially since he was single, but Eric saying I “stole” him has been sticking with me and I’ve been really wracking my brain. The issue is, Dan and I both still have feelings for Eric and we both still consider him a dear friend. The three of us have known each other for so long that I don’t want things to end like this.

So, am I the asshole here? And if so, how do I fix this?

[papaziggy-devblog]

Hello gender neutral shawty, as someone who hasn't written in years, the other writer anon has inspired me and I wanted to try my hand at writing the moment Harper first saw MC at the grocery store, plant a bomb in my house if it's bad 😔

The whole... "event" couldn't have lasted more than 3 minutes really, yet the memory was still vivid even a year later.

It was a quick grocery run, a spur of the moment decision to pick up a few snacks. The week had been rather shitty after all, you felt you deserved a treat (or five).

You were debating pros and cons of Super Hot Chip and Kind Of Hot Chip, or maybe just regular Chip? Before you could just say "fuck it" and grab them all, it happened.

The sound could best be described like a mini car crash. Complete with the sound of the metal cart screeching against tile and T-boning a display of various baked breads. You spun around just in time to watch the bread explosion rain on the floor, a plastic container of croissants sadly spilling in front of your very feet.

You briefly mourned the loss, it was next on your list.

Your eyes next darted back to the cart, following the trail of spilled pasta boxes and milk to the perpetrator (or victim?) Of the crash. Well, it had to be him, he was the only one sprawled out on the floor like a dead Family Guy character.

His head lifted before you could blink and although you couldn't see his full face under the mop of black hair with white streaks; you got a glimpse of flushed cheeks as he faced the crime scene of his making.

Your heart panged with sympathy then, the shock overpowered by pity for this large dude.

"H-Hey are y-" Your voice caught in your throat as he whipped his head to face you with the same energy as a frenzied animal. His eyes were wide, wild, watery, pupils blown and eyebrows shot to his hairline. His lips tightly pinched together in a frown. The blush on his face worsened, blending in with the tomatoes scattered a few feet ahead of him. Overall he looked mortified, the type of expression that said, "This is going to haunt me every night when I try to fall asleep".

Your gaze softened, damn did you know that feeling. You wanted to comfort him, but he scrambled to his feet, long legs wobbling like a new born calf. A cracked, "Sorry" left his lips (Don't apologize to me man, apologize to the workers) and he immediately broke into a sprint towards the exit. You watched in awe as his large frame got smaller and smaller, clumsily dodging fellow shoppers in his escape.

And so there you were (and a few other Bystanders) the debris laid in front of you like the calm after a storm. A few of your fellow witnesses had already begun to shuffle out, show's over, you guess. You didn't even notice the employee next to you until they let out a heaving sigh. You glanced over at them, they were probably a few years older than you but as you watched their eyes glaze over at the mess, they looked ancient. Like an old God that had seen too many wars.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit"

NOOOOOOOOO MY POOR CLUMSY BOOOOOOOOOY AAAAHHHHHH

Fr tho I loved this so much XDD

Sometimes I feel bad for making him so awkward, but then I remember its funny |D

[ghostingcrows]

IDW is Great

Welp its time

A year later and I’ve (mostly) completed the IDW comics

While I’m sure I missed a few spotlights and smaller stories I have read the main story lines

(Except Revolutionaries and Visionaries you couldn’t pay me to read those)

And honestly IDW is without a doubt my favorite TF continuity

Its honestly fantastic and I’m really just combining a bunch of thoughts on the comics that are scattered around throughout my blog

First I wanna start with what is really the reason I got into IDW

The representation

Which is absolutely fantastic

Theres multiple counts of characters being openly trans and gay

We get to actually hear (see?) them say that their trans instead of it being implied

Theres a large collection of different pairing 

We get to see slow burn relationships, already established relationships, background relationships

And theres not just a one off character as quite a few characters are shown in relationships (I mean technically speaking all cybertronians are inherently gay because of how gender work on their plant BUT STILL)

Alongside that the characters in general are just for the most part super fun to be around

Theres tons of characters who get more in depth stories and personality's that are usually lacking in other shows because of limited run times

The best example of this would definitely be Starscream who I absolutely adore because we get to see him change and develop from his old typical “I have defeated Megatron! I am now the leader of the decepticons!!”

We get to see his past traumas and his experiences with body dysphoria even if its just glimpses

And on top of that theres also topics expanded upon or added that aren’t usually talked about as much or topics that are completely new

We get a lot about Titans and cityspeakers, we get stories of combiners and get to see more of how they function, we got topics like cold construction

All in all its just a really fun continuity that got to add and explore so much more because of how long it went on

It has its flaws

(Mainly being that they continued to let John Barber write despite majority of his stuff being shit)

Theres a few instances towards the end of the writers (Mostly John) kinda shooting characters in the foot for no reason 

As well as some characters who really didn’t get treated all that well until the end when we barely got to see it

But

The main issue for me was really just how this Optimus was characterized and treated

Majority of the ideological stuff in regards to him felt like there was a group of people arguing who couldn't deiced if they wanted him to be an actual divine being, a regular guy who was just really compassionate and heroic, or a manipulative asshole who abuses his power

And when it came down to it he was the last option

But the comics seemed like they couldn’t decided if they knew or wanted it to be that or not

In the end tho Optimus is absent from a lot of the story

Even with his presence theres plenty of patches even in his own comics that he isn’t there that are fantastic such as when Sideswipe passes away and Arcee and Sunstreaker say goodbye to him 

All in all I adore IDW

Even with its flaws its a fantastic continuity with dozens of incredible stories and I wouldn’t let the shitty writing of a single character deter you from reading it

Although if you’re reading this chances are you have also already read it so...idk enjoy me rambling I guess-

[michiieewrites]

THORST COLLAB: Bakugou - Starving till I tasted you

A/N: First: IF YOU’RE UNDER 18, BEGONE FROM MY BLOG SINCE I WRITE MATURE CONTENT!! This one has been sitting in my documents for almost 2 months now. This week inspiration finally struck me once again tho!

This fic is actually a Thorst Collab between my lovely friends & I on Discord. I’m the first one to post mine, so I can’t wait to see what the others will write!

Now.

STRAP ON YOUR SEATBELTS CAUSE THIS MOTHERF!@#$%CKER IS 4.2K+ WORDS LONG

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone told you a year ago that you would have enough money to pay off your student debt, buy your dream apartment, help out your family and friends, move abroad and drive in a ’67 Chevrolet Impala, you would’ve died laughing at the joke.

You told yourself it was stupid, buying that lottery ticket. But here you are; $100.000.000,- on your bank account. A young and now rich Omega in her prime. After making sure you had spend part of it wisely, you made sure to live the rest of your life on interest alone.

The first month had been nice. Decorating your new place, going out for dinner every day, getting a new wardrobe, spoiling yourself silly. You got new nesting materials, softer blankets and bigger pillows. It felt nice. Until it didn’t anymore. It started to feel pointless and empty. You felt like you were becoming one of those people that flaunt their money and that isn’t the type of Omega you are.

So here you are. Sitting in your peach colored dress and a numbered paddle in your hand. Tonight, you attend a charity auction. The charity was a rehabilitation program for criminals who want to get back on the right path.

The auction items aren’t exactly… items. They’re Pro Heroes. People could bid on having a date with some of the most desirable Pro Heroes, Alphas, Betas, Omegas, all of them. Even No. 1 hero Deku and No. 4 hero Red Riot are up for auction, both being Omegas.

One of the last dates are being auctioned and you realize you have been zoning out. Not having bid anything yet, you put up your paddle.

“Going once, going twice… SOLD TO NUMBER 917 FOR TONIGHT’S HIGHEST BID OF $300.000,-! A date with explosion pro hero Ground Zero!”

Oh lord. Yes! You got- wait… You got actually got it? You won a date with Pro Hero Ground Zero. Wasn’t he the one with the explosion quirk? Impressive power and always capturing the villains. What separates him from Deku is his social skills. Or lack thereof, to be more precise. Ground Zero isn’t really the type of hero to stick around the people he saved to see if they’re okay.

On top of all that he’s also an Alpha. Highly sought out by Omegas who want a pup, but not the Alpha. His genes are what people want, not the man himself. His personality also making it harder for people to approach him. And you just won a date with the most desired and aggressive Pro Hero Alpha there is.

“Oi!”

The voice behind you pulled you from your thoughts. The subtle scent of caramelized candy apples caught your attention. You turn around and find a handsome Alpha standing there. Arms crossed, cardinal red eyes watching you and his lips in an almost angry looking pout. This is the man you just bought yourself a date with.

“H-hi!” you manage to stammer out.

With a huff, he places a card on your table. You pick it up and see that it’s a business card from Ground Zero’s agency. At the bottom, writing in sleek handwriting, is a phone number. You look back up at him, ready to ask him why he gave this to you. But he’s already turning around and heading for the exit.

“Just contact me when you wanna plan that date things.”

And just like that, you had Ground Zero’s personal phone number.

 ~ A few days later ~

 You’re sitting at a small booth, sipping on your matcha latte. You were a half hour too early, so you decided it wouldn’t hurt to go ahead and order a drink before Bakugou would arrive. In his very first text he made it clear to call him ‘Bakugou’ and not by his hero name. He said that it would feel too much like an interview otherwise. In return you told him to just call you ‘Y/N’.

After some back and forth texting the last couple of days, you two agreed to meet up at a local coffee shop. Not a lot of people know about this shop. It’s small and the interior looks more like cozy living room than a flashy coffee shop. It was your favorite place to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee, tea or like right now, matcha latte.

Neither of you had any set plans for the rest of the day. Just kind of going with the flow seemed like the way to go. This would give you the freedom to hopefully have a quiet ‘date’. But you can’t really know that for sure when the person you’re on a date with is a Pro Hero.

The sound of the bell above the front door rings. You look up and see him walk in. Sitting all the way in the back, you can’t even smell him scent. Weren’t Alpha’s supposed to have very strong scents? Maybe he’s on suppressants?

He scans the shop, probably looking for you. His eyes land on you. He walks over and sits across from you. He leans back against the chair and swings his right arm over the arm rest while the left one is resting on the table. His eyes trail down from your face to the drink in your hands.

“I see you couldn’t wait for me to arrive,” he gruffly says.

“Uh-uhm, yeah. Sorry, I was super early. I hope you don’t mind.”

The silence that spreads between you two makes your Omega feel uncomfortable. Something doesn’t feel right and you’re starting to think that the Alpha in front of you truly doesn’t want to do any of this. So, to make it a little more bearable for yourself, you pump out a small amount of calming pheromones. Just to take the edge of this meeting.

Bakugou keeps looking at you. Until he finally picks up the menu card and says: “It’s fine. It’s your day, after all.”

He was right, you figured. But you still wanted him to have a pleasant time today too.

And so the day continues. The conversation isn’t very lengthy or deep. You discuss basic things like work, hobbies, favorite food. After a while the conversation kind of dies down. You suggest you two head out and into town. The man in front of you doesn’t seem overly thrilled about it, but still agrees.

When you go up to the front to pay, you hear him quickly walking up to you. He pulls your arm back. Surprised, you let out a small sound of shock and look up at him. A confused look is on his face and he pulls his hand away from you.

“The heck are you trying to do?”

Confused, you say: “Uh, paying?”

“I see that, but why? Omegas don’t pay when they’re with Alphas.”

Wow. At first you didn’t know how to respond to this remark. True, Omegas usually aren’t the ones paying on dates. In the past an Alpha would go out and hunt for their Omega. Since the hunting days are over and many Omegas work nowadays, treating them on dates are a way to show the Omega they can provide for them.

“Well,” you say as you hand over the money to the Beta barista behind the counter and thank him, “I don’t know about other Omegas, but I’m perfectly capable of paying for drinks too. I can provide just as well as any Alpha.”

You two walk outside and turn left to head into town. You’ve been meaning to go to the bookstore and hopefully find some new reading material. Two birds, one stone, right?

“Tsk, should’ve known a rich Omega like you doesn’t like to be told what to do,” Bakugou mumbles to himself.

You stop in your tracks. What? Was that really what he thought of you? A rich and snobby Omega?

Realizing you’re not walking beside him anymore, Bakugou turns around. Your head is bowed in shame. Normally your scent smells like peaches and hazelnuts, but now it turns into that of rotten fruit. You feel called out. For winning the lottery, for treating this Alpha to some drinks, for basically buying yourself a date with someone who clearly wishes to be anywhere else but here.

Your voice shakes, but you gather all your courage. “I’ll admit I was given a lot more financial freedom recently. And yes, I don’t like being told what to do. I believe everyone should be treated equally, regardless of their second gender. But I have never in my life asked for something. I was taught to work hard, to help people and to help and reward the people that help you.”

You pick up your head and look him straight in the eyes, politely smile and say: “I’m sorry you had to do this. This isn’t really how you planned your day would go. You can go, if you want to.”

As you pass him, determent to still go to the bookstore, you feel a weight being lifted from your heart. It really is unfair to the Alpha to make him go on a date with someone he doesn’t like. Deep down inside your Omega whines sadly. She recognized a good and safe provider in the Alpha, one who isn’t driven by hormones to just get an Omega pregnant. One who isn’t controlled their Alpha status. Too bad his Alpha isn’t interested in the Omega.

“Fuck, crap- wait! Shit!”

The cursing Alpha quickly catches up to you. He stops in front of you, holding up his hands to halt you. “Okay, fuck-just… let me explain.”

You cross your arms at him and wait for him to continue.

“Okay, so… Listen, I’ve been a real dick to you. Not just today, but basically since that charity event when I gave you my card. It was wrong of me assume anything about you. Shit Y/N, you’ve been nothing but nice to me. You don’t mind carrying the cost of a date, you’re not flaunting it around town that you’re spending time with a Pro Hero, you put up with my shitty responses and that isn’t how you should be treated. Or anyone for that matter! You deserve a proper date. So just, maybe I can make it up to you?”

By the end of his apology, Bakugou practically gives you angry puppy eyes in an attempt to ask for forgiveness. He reminds you of an angry Pomeranian. Smiling, you tell him that you forgive him. This day is supposed to be a fun one.

“But! You’ll have to carry the books I’ll buy as a punishment. And just so you know, I always come out with two shopping bags,” you tell him.

Bakugou just grins. “Fine. They’ll probably weigh nothing for me.”

Something in the air changes. A little sniff of your nose helps you identify the change. The scent coming from the Alpha next to you is slightly peaked. You heard that when an Alpha is preening their scents get stronger. You hardly think that’s the reason. Maybe it’s just because he’s in better mood now. Whatever the reason, you find yourself agreeing with your Omega; it’s a very nice scent.

 ~ An hour and a half later ~

 “I’ve never met someone who spends over an hour inside a bookstore!”

“I told you when we came in that it could take a while,” you reply to Bakugou’s complaints.

“You do this with nesting stuff too? You know, blankets and shit,” he asks.

In both his hands, Bakugou is carrying a bag containing close to twenty books you can add to your bookcases back at home. Even underneath the sleeves of his hoodie you can see the muscles of his arms. He’s not as bulky as Pro Heroes Deku and Red Riot, but those muscles are pretty impressive. You bet your money that those thighs could squish a watermelon. You can practically feel the water filling your Omega’s mouth. She wants nothing more than to chomp down on those delicious shoulders. And honestly, you wouldn’t mind that either.

You remember you were asked a question. “I do. How else am I gonna know I made the right choice? All of those blankets and shit, as you put it, go in my nest. I’m at my best with a perfect nest.” A confident smile forms on your face and from the corner of your eye you can see Bakugou looking at you. A small smirk creeps up on his face.

While enjoying our little banter, you both failed to notice the Alpha towards the two of you. Until he opened his mouth. “I bet I can make your nest even better, little Omega.”

The other guy stops right in front of you, completely ignoring the Alpha next to you. You’re shocked and take a step back to create some distance between you again. But the guy doesn’t let up and steps closer again.

“No, now get lost,” you firmly say. This wasn’t the first Alpha-asshole you encountered.

“Awh, why the sour face, baby? Bet I’ll be more fun than the hedgehog here.”

“Oi, asshole! She said to get lost.” The smells of pheromones of two Alphas are dominating the air. The strongest one being the creepy guy, Bakugou’s not so much. You honestly confused on that point. With an Alpha as desirable as Bakugou, you truly expected a stronger scent.

You can’t help but release your own distressed scent. The tension is getting to you. Even other people noticed and are stopping to see how this plays out.

The creep briefly looks at Bakugou before returning his attention on you. “Come on, baby. Ditch this  guy and then you and I can have our fun. What do you say?”

He extends his hand to put it on our waist and before you know it, you slap his hand away and punch him in the face. He stumbles back while cupping his now bleeding nose. Screaming in pain and shouting names at you. He’s beyond pissed; punched by a fucking Omega!

The adrenaline is pumping through you and every instinct in your body is telling you to run. Hide. Find an Alpha to protect you. You’re frozen on the spot. Your mind shutting down.

That’s when you feel a hand tugging you away. Your Omega recognizes the person this scent belongs to. Caramel candy apples. Bakugou.

You don’t know where he’s taking you. Your mind still processing things. All you know is to follow. ‘Cause he’ll lead to safety. Alphas keep Omegas safe. Follow. Safety. Alpha.

By the time you get to take in your surroundings, you realize you’re in an office. An office? What are you doing here? You look around and see a wooden desk with a black leather chair. A small bookcase, a closet and a couch with coffee table. A puffy black rug is covering the wooden floor, complimenting the one black wall behind you. The other walls are a tinted orange color.

The scent hanging in this office is… comforting. Soothing. Safe. You’re safe in here.

You’re seated on the couch. Wrapped in something soft. A blanket. A big, fluffy and soft blanket. The scent is even stronger on the blanket. You slowly inhale, imprinting this delicious mix of sweetness. After a couple seconds you finally notice the man next to you. Bakugou grins as he sees your focus shifting to him.

“I take it the blanket is approved,” he jokes.

You slowly nod. This small little cocoon makes you feel less vulnerable. Just like the presence of Bakugou next to you. It feels right. “Where are we?”

“Oh yeah, fuck. We’re at my agency. This is my office.”

You’re confused. “Your office? Why? I’m sorry, I kind of… froze. Can you tell me what happened afterwards?”

The smile that spreads on his face makes you feel funny inside. “What happened?! Y/N, you punched that fucker right in his fucking face! Shithead had it coming, tho. You just beat me to it. Omega or not, you know how to fight.”

You two look at each other and burst out laughing as you think back to that glorious moment. The creep definitely didn’t see your punch coming. It feels good to know the man next to you thinks you’re a decent fighter. He seems to actually be enjoying your company. Maybe he’s one of those people that are careful with who they get comfortable with. It feels good to know he feels like he can relax a bit more around you now.

You jokingly nudge him and say: “I bet I can even take you on, you big grump.”

“Oh yeah?” His eyebrow is raised, grinning with his canines on display. “Prove it then.”

Knowing a challenge when you see one, you keep your eyes fixed on his cardinal ones and slowly lean in closer. Baring your neck to the side in submission to lure in his Alpha. Your Omega is very pleased by the motion. Just as he moves to lean in too, you throw the blanket in his face, grab his neck and shove him down on the ground. Stradling him and jabbing your elbow into his side, pressing your nails into the skin of his neck.

Smiling down at the man below you; “How’s that, Alpha?”

A short lived victory as he snarls and the two of you roll over, with Bakugou keeping you pinned underneath his weight. He may not look like it, but this man weighs a ton!

“If you’re trying to be a worthy opponent, why not call me by my first name? It’s ‘Katsuki’,” he breathes heavily atop of you.

Next to your ear you hear a low grumbling sound. Still seeing this as a playfight you laugh and reach back. Your fingers finding pressure points in his neck, making him let go of you. This gives you the chance to overpower him again and straddle him once more while holding his wrists above his head.

Victorious once again, you look down. Growling and teeth bared, the air around you growing thick. The smell surrounding you hits you like thunder. The caramelized candy apple scent overwhelming your senses. Your eyes travel down to his neck and see something you failed to notice before; gland patches. Patches to block someone’s scent from becoming too noticeable. That’s why the other Alpha smelled so much stronger. But now, now you’re drowning in it. You can pick up on rage, possessiveness and… arousal. As much as he’s growling and snarling at you, you know that he’s enjoying this too.

Chuckling at you, he cranes his neck. His face now closer to you than a moment ago. “I’m pretty sure I just got my ass handed by the most perfect Omega.” His words push through the alarm bells his instincts are sending off. His Alpha is not pleased about being pinned down. But as it takes in the Omega’s scent of peaches and hazelnuts, it can’t help but lie down and surrender itself to this tasty smelling Omega. An Omega that can fight back. An Omega that can hold him close. An Omega worthy of carrying his pups.

His Omega.

Before either can properly get out any words Bakugou has wrestled his hands free and grabs a hold of your hips while your hands pull his face closer and seal the distance between your lips. The taste of sugar coated apples is even stronger on his lips and you can’t get enough of it.

His fingers press deeply in your skin, kneading the flesh. His hips pushing upwards while holding you in place. The low rumbling sound in the back of his throat being accompanied by your mewling. You wanted more of him, your Omega needed more.

The Alpha makes his displeasure heard. You both part to breathe in fresh air. His lidded eyes are on fire and following every movement you make. Your hands slip down to his collarbones and settle on his shoulders. The path of your hands make Bakugou throw back his head. His body is pressing into yours desperately, like he has no control over it anymore. His growling increases in volume.

Through gritted teeth he manages to speak to you. “Fuck, Omega. What are you doing to me?”

Taking a leap of faith, you answer: “I don’t know. All I know right now is that I need capable Alpha to take care of me. Are you that Alpha, Katsuki?”

Before you can even blink, you’re being rolled over again. This time you’ll let him have his way. His hands are sliding their way up to your chest, grabbing the front of your shirt and tearing it apart. You try to protest, but you’re stopped by the warning growl of his Alpha. You lay back down and occupy yourself with running your fingers through his hair. Your gently massage making the Alpha let out a content sound.

Entranced by the man above you, you hardly even notice his onslaught on your clothes. And his own clothes. Getting those replaced will be a worry for later, your Omega decide. All you need to focus on right now is Katsuki. You want this Alpha to mate you and it needs to happen right now, or else your Omega just might perish on the spot.

That’s when you feel it. The hard and heavy feeling of his cock rutting itself against your core. Your body can’t help but react to it and release a good amount of slick. Katsuki’s mouth nipping along your collarbones as your bare you neck in submission. You feel his fangs graze your scent glands and you start to whimper desperately.

“Fuck, Y/N. Keep making those pretty noises,” Katsuki says.

“Yes, Alpha, yes. Just-ah shit! Just fuck me already!” you loudly exclaim.

Now who is Katsuki to deny such a nice plea from such a good Omega?

Wasting no time, he slides himself inside. The stretch making you cry out for more, deeper, more, anything he can give you. You just know you need more. Barely able to hold himself back from ramming himself inside and fucking you like you’re in a heat, he takes his time for your to fully take him in. A sigh of satisfaction leaves you both when he finally does.

Your legs wrap around his waist and try to pull him deeper in. Your fingers curl around his spikey locks and tug harshly to get him moving. Grunting, Katsuki finally complies. Being buried inside you sends him into over-drive. You feel too damn good around him. He feels too good inside you as he sets in a brutal rhythm. You’re pretty sure no other man could ever make you feel this good. No other Alpha could ever please your Omega ever again. Feeling his body slam into yours like his life depends on it is possibly the best feeling in the world. Your lungs are sending out a mix of his name, pleas for more, for him to go faster.

Katsuki can’t help it, he can’t stop himself anymore. He need to do this, he needs you, his Alpha needs to mate your Omega. Give her everything she wants and all that she’ll take. Only the best for his Omega, he will be worthy of giving her pups.

You can feel the base of his cock starting to inflate. His knot. His knot is growing. As soon as you notice, you start to claw at his back. A need filling you till the point you’re almost bursting.

“Alpha! Knot, please- Alpha, knot me- I need- Need your knot, Alpha!” you scream in desperation.

He wants to. Oh, he wants to so badly. But in the back of his mind there’s one braincell left that tells him that now is not the time nor the place. His Omega deserves better.

“You deserve better than to be knotted in my office, Y/N,” he moans, “please give me a chance to give you something better one day. I’ll be the best fucking Alpha there is!”

You love the sound of that. Something better. Somewhere in the future. A future with Katsuki. “Yes, Kastuki! Only you, you’re the only Alpha, please, I’m so cl-“

The moment he sinks his teeth into the flesh just above your collarbone, you’re send into a world of blinding lights and exploding fire. His name keeps falling from your lips. The waves of fire keep pulsing through your body.

The tight grip around him becomes too much for Katsuki. He needs to pull out or else he’ll knot you for sure. When he you keep chanting his name, he pulls out and covers you in thick, long, white streams of his cum. Covering you in his seed, marking you as his in an obscene, but beautiful way.

“Look at you, perfectly covered in my cum,” he pants.

You preen at the compliment. A content scent is released. The smell of a happily fucked Omega. Katsuki could get addicted to this smell.

With the shredded pieces of clothing he cleans you up. He pulls the blanket you discarded earlier over you both as he lies down next to you. Your tired and warm body cuddles closer to him. He drinks in your scent a you purr softly.

“What did you have the blanket for in your office?” you ask with a yawn.

Katsuki looks down at your half-asleep face. A smile forms on his lips as he gently kisses the top of your head.

“I kept it for my future mate.”

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