#and has to reckon with a lot of repressed feelings

[transgamerism]

how do y’all imagine wyll reclasses after losing his warlock abilities if he breaks his pact with mizora? i can imagine the blade of avernus, for example, being an oath of vengeance paladin.

[helen-with-an-a]

I am an Adult pt 3

Hi. So I wasn't planning to do a part 3 of the series but I got a request and it was really cute/funny so I thought why not ahaha.

Barca Femeni x Reader ; Lena Oberdorf x Reader

Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 3.5 : Part 4 : Part 5 : Part 6 : Part 7 : Epilogue

Word Count: 3.3k

Description: R gets a girlfriend

It took a lot of work to find the right balance. The give and take, knowing where to push and where to pull. That fine line between knowing when to go to the team for help and doing it yourself.

After the events of last Spring, you had been better at relying on the girls for essential things, and they had been better at asking you about them without nagging. You sent a picture of critical legal dates to Alexia, who would set a reminder to ask you about them a week or so before the actual deadline. Lucy helped you figure out meals if you asked for them. Irene helped you stock and restock your pantry and cupboards throughout your house when you were stuck on what to keep multiple or spares of. Marta helped out with your schedule if you felt a little overwhelmed. They felt like they were checking up on you and helping you without you feeling smothered. It was fantastic.

And then you got a girlfriend.

Initially, Your crush was slight, something you could repress and squash down. But then you played her in the Champions League group stages. Wolfsburg and Barcelona were drawn in the same group by some bizarre coincidence or the universe interfering in your love life.

Lena was so sweet and kind; it was crazy. You first interacted when you had to do some media together. UEFA media decided to do ‘head-to-head’ videos where some players from each team had to do videos, interviews, and challenges together. And with another stroke of luck – or divine intervention once again – you and Lena were paired together. You were caught off guard by how gentle she was. On the pitch, she was a force to be reckoned with solid tackles and her fearlessness of a yellow card. That was the only impression you had of her. Of course, you had stalked her social media for months, so you knew she seemed like a fantastic friend. But off the pitch, it was like a switch had flipped. She was so soft, it was unreal – always asking if you were ok with the questions she was asking and checking in with you after challenges. It was making your head spin in the most fantastic way.

“What do I do?” You asked Ona over coffee. She was the one person you trusted with this secret.

“Well, well, well. Where has the confident, cocky, ‘I’m so good with girls’ Y/N gone?” She joked. You had never experienced these feelings before, and you were panicking slightly.

“Ugh, never mind. If you’re just going to make fun of me-” you shook your head, starting to gather your things.

“No, wait, hey, c’mon. Do you seriously like her?” Ona grabbed your wrist, stopping you from leaving.

“I … I don’t know. I think so, but I don’t do relationships. I never have. It’s just been one-night stands and friends-with-benefit type things. Casual sex. Never anything more. I don’t do more.”

“Well, neither do I,” Ona cut in. You raised an eyebrow at her.

“Want me to tell that to Lucy?” You said sarcastically, chuckling at her deep blush. “Ona, c’mon, I’m serious. I really like her,” you all but begged.

“Ok, ok. No hay necesidad de preocuparse. If you really like her, just ask her out for coffee, or dinner, or to the movies, or something. Just be your normal self. You know you have game. I’ve seen the number of girls you’ve brought back after nights out. So just be your charming self, flirt a little, and ask her on a date.” You nodded at her words. Flirting, you could do. Charming, you could do. Asking her out on a date … you hoped you could do.

You asked her out after the first leg. It was in Barcelona, so you messaged her to see if she wanted to see the sights. You knew she wasn’t going home until 2 days after the match, so on her off-day. You knew it was slightly unconventional to ask someone out via text, but you think you might never do it if you asked in person.

[Initial]💙❤️: Do u want to go to see some stuff in Barcelona with me on ur day off?? x

L💚: By rselves? Like a date???

[Initial]💙❤️: Yes x

[Initial]💙❤️: Would u like to go on a date with me on ur day off??

L💚: Yes

L💚: I’ll send you the hotel details. I could meet u at like 10? 11?

[Initial]💙❤️:  I’ll pick u up at 10 outside the hotel – wear comfy shoes!!! <3

L💚: Can’t wait 😁

The day was beautiful; you took her to a little bakery for breakfast – laughing a few hours away over good coffee and excellent food. You then spent the morning doing the touristy things before having lunch at a tapas place, again not noticing the time passing as you giggled and sent longing stares at each other. The afternoon was filled with more happiness as you showed her the quieter spots and your favourite places to relax. Dinner was a classic paella, finally drawing up the courage to hold her hand on your way back to drop her off.

You were just around the corner from her hotel when you pulled her to stop.

“Um … I had a perfect day today.” You said as you shuffled closer,

“Me too,” she replied, softly pushing some hair away from your face. You licked your lips, staring at hers. She slowly leant in, her eyes flicking between your lips and eyes. You leant in, too; you were so close to kissing her – one slight adjustment at you would be.

A car horn sounded right next to you, making you both spring apart. Fuck!

“I … um … I better get going,” Lena said, gesturing towards the hotel. You could tell she was a little disappointed

“Yeh, no, I get it. Just … text me, yeh? Maybe you could show me around Wolfsburg when we travel to you guys?” you said nervously, not meeting her warm brown eyes.

“Hey,” she called softly, using her free hand to grasp your chin and make you look into her eyes. “I will absolutely be showing you around my home. We will definitely be doing this again,” she said with certainty. You felt your heart jump at the idea of a second date with Lena. She squeezed your hand before she left, looking back with a soft smile as she went.

[Initial]💙❤️: SPOTIFY LINK – One Direction, ‘I Should Have Kissed You’:  https://www.spotify......

L💚: SPOTIFY LINK – Odeal, ‘Next Time’: https://www.spotify.......

After the second leg, Lena took you to a Christmas Market, saying that even though it was only November, you had to experience one. It was lovely. You laughed, ate too much food, and drank too much hot chocolate and mulled wine. As she took you back to your hotel, you came to a stop, much like you had in Barcelona.

“Can I actually kiss you this time?” You asked her.

“Bitte Küsse mich.” You didn’t speak German, but she clarified her intentions as she put a hand on your hip, shuffling closer until your breaths mingled. Her lips were soft and rough and warm and cold all at once. It was perfect. The world stopped spinning momentarily as you slowly let your tongue explore.

“Mein Gott” she said as you parted.

“Guess I’m going to need German lessons.” You laughed, pressing your lips back on hers.

“Don’t worry, I know a willing teacher,” she said as you separated again.

Your relationship was semi-secret; text exchanges left you giddy, hushed phone calls left you too-smiley, and facetimes were taken as you hurried from the rooms. Everyone could tell something was different, and most people could guess that it was probably down to a person; they just couldn’t figure out who.

“Alright, out with it. Who’s got you so smiley?” Patri asked as she sat on your sofa. You were having a younger girls' night—like you do most evenings. Patri, Pina, Esmee, Ona, Jana, Martina, Vicky, Bruna, Cata … it was a bit of a squeeze in your one-bedroom flat, but you made it work.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said as you smiled into your glass.

“Oh, please. You’ve been smiling away, laughing, and being disgustingly cute. Who is it?” Jana swatted your thigh at your non-answer.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” you stuck your tongue out at her.

“Don’t make us do detective work!” Martina threatened, pulling up her phone and going onto your social media.

“It’s recent, so check who she’s recently started following,” Vicky suggested. You were so grateful that you had been following Lena for years since you had played against her at club and national levels.

“It happened after the group stages,” Ona chimed in. You threw her an offended glare. You knew she wouldn’t actively spill your secret, but you had hoped she wouldn’t join in on the hunt for the identity of your girlfriend.

“You know something, Ona!” Pina accused, a finger coming to point at her. “You know who it is, don’t you?” They soon switched from interrogating you to Ona. Logically, it was the smartest move; Ona could crack very easily. It’s how you found out about Lucy – you had just narrowed your eyes at her for slightly too long, and she broke, spilling everything to you when she stayed the night a few months ago. You watched, somewhat amused, as Ona squirmed, avoiding eye contact, ducking her head, biting her lip. She was close to spilling everything. You knew she was terrified of telling secrets that weren’t hers, but she couldn’t help it.

“Alright, guys. Enough. Stop interrogating her.” You broke up the onslaught of questions, moving from your sofa seat to the chair she was curling up in. You could tell she was close to tears, and you didn’t want to do that to her – you knew she already felt guilty enough. You shuffled her around a bit before pulling her onto your lap.

“Right, you get 5 hints. If you can’t guess it from them, then I can’t help you. And no more asking Ona!” You glared at them all, ensuring they understood how serious you were. “Right, she’s German. She plays in Germany. She’s a midfielder. We’re similar ages. She’s made her senior international debut in 2019.” You watched as the group dissolved into loud discussion.

“Lo siento mucho. No querías que nadie lo supiera y ahora...” Ona hurried out, close to tears again.

“Hey, no, no, no. It’s ok, Oni,” you reassured her as you kissed her forehead. “No es tu culpa. I promise you. I do not blame you.” She nodded and buried her head back against your collarbone, watching the carnage in front of you. You quietly laughed to each other at the scene – Wikipedia was pulled up on everyone’s phones, the German national team website as well as they speculated on who you were seeing. You slowly pulled your phone out, quickly texting Lena.

[Initial]💙❤️: Like ½ my team are tryna guess my girlfriend rn x

[Initial]💙❤️: Do u mind if I say yes if they guess it right? x

L💚: ahahahahaha

L💚: No, I don’t mind. R u gonna tell them who I am if they get it wrong tho?

[Initial]💙❤️: Whichever u want x

[Initial]💙❤️: I don’t mind telling them x

[Initial]💙❤️: Would make it easier when I disappear to Germany for a few days and u suddenly turn up in my Barca jersey

[Initial]💙❤️: I want to tell them about u x

L💚: Tell em

L💚: Can I tell my team?

[Initial]💙❤️: Omg yesssss xxxxxxxxxxxx

L💚: also – I will never wear a barca jersey!!

L💚: Even if it does have ur name on the back 🤢

[Initial]💙❤️: ugh RUDE.

[Initial]💙❤️: But ud still be my WAG tho right? x

L💚: I’ll always be ur wag hehe

[Initial]💙❤️: so kind of u x

[Initial]💙❤️: I’ll always be ur wag too btw x

“Alright, alright. We have 2 possible answers.” Bruna turned around with a notebook in her hand. Where did they get that from? “Our first guess, we think, is less likely. Klara Bühl. She’s German, plays for Bayern, is a midfielder, and debuted in 2019. You’re similar in age. But we haven’t played Bayern in a while. So, how would you have met? So, we don’t think it’s her.” She paused, staring at your carefully crafted neutral expression. You met Klara once; she was lovely. She handed the notebook over to Cata. “Our final guess is one we think is pretty true,” Cata explained, adjusting herself to sit cross-legged before you. “We played Wolfsburg at the Champions League group stages, and you disappeared for the whole day the day after and came back all smiley. So, we have reason to believe it’s a Wolfsburg player.” You didn’t realise how seriously they were taking this. “But … most of the Wolfsburg team are German, but not all of them are German midfielders that debuted for the national team in 2019.” She paused dramatically. You knew she had figured it out. “That’s why our final guess is …” another final pause.

“Oberdorf,” Patri shouted out, clearly over Cata’s dramatics. “You’re dating Oberdorf.”

“Oi. Aquesta havia de ser la meva revelació” Cata lunged at Patri, loud shouts of Catalan descending on the house.

“D'acord, d'acord,” you shouted over the noise as you saw a wine bottle wobble precariously as someone knocked into the table. “Sí, Lena is my girlfriend.” You admitted. If you thought the noise was loud before, you were deafened by the cacophony that descended on you. You buried your head in Ona’s hair, laughing as your friends melted into chaos.

You knew that once the younger ones found out who your girlfriend was, it was only a matter of time before the older ones did. You hadn’t expected it to be the next day, however. You were in the changing rooms, chatting to Patri and Pina as you prepared for the session ahead of you. The door banged open, and you were met with an outraged Lucy. As she stalked towards you, you glanced at a very guilty-looking Ona.

“She looked at me.” Ona defended herself.

“Grow a backbone, Oni.” You shouted as Lucy dragged you from the room, remembering to add a nickname in so she knew you weren’t that mad at her.

You were dragged to an empty conference room. Alexia, Paños, Marta, Mariona, Caro, and Irene were already sitting on one side of the table. Lucy pushed you into the single seat opposite them and took her place next to Irene. You sat in silence for a full 3 minutes before anyone spoke.

“Is there something you want to tell us, cariño?” Alexia asked smoothly, folding her hands in front of her like she was conducting a business meeting.

“Ona needs to learn how to toughen up.” You weren’t too angry with Ona, but it slightly annoyed you that she had cracked so easily. You wanted to tell the older girls yourself to avoid this situation.

“Leave her out of it.” Lucy jumped in. You clicked your teeth at her, flicking your hand in her direction, dismissing her protest.

“You have a girlfriend,” Irene stated, bringing the conversation back on track.

“Ja, das tue ich,” you said, chuckling at their reaction to your German. They didn’t fully understand you but knew ‘yes’ in most languages. You could see Caro laughing slightly – she had played for Wolfsburg; she knew you were using your newfound language to irritate them.

“And you didn’t tell us?” Marta asked

“Ja, das ist richtig,” you smiled.

“Cut the crap, pequeña.” Paños hit the table, making you jump slightly.

“Bien. Si tanto quieres saber,” you snapped. “Yes, I have a girlfriend. I’m sure you already know who, but it’s Lena. I asked her out after our home Wolfsburg game. She asked me out after her home leg. We’ve been dating for a couple of months now. I really like her. Anything else you want to know?” You asked Alexia directly. You could see the internal battle – the desire to know everything about your new relationship with her promise to treat you more grown up.

“Everyone, out,” Alexia instructed after a minute, using her captain’s voice to show she was serious. “Cariño, please stay?” She asked. You nodded as the others left. Caro seemed to find this whole thing funny, but everyone else was grumbling and muttering about how they found it rude that you didn’t tell them and that you were too young for a girlfriend. “I thought we promised to tell each other things like adults?” She asked you.

“I know. The others only found out yesterday if it makes you feel any better. Ona’s known for a while, but only because I asked her for help.” You sat back in your chair, careful to leave your posture open.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” She seemed a little upset by your actions.

“I didn’t want this to happen. We’ve finally found a balance. And I knew that this would disrupt that balance. And it’s so new; I didn’t want to tell you guys until I knew what we were, and it’s only really been a few months. She asked me to be her girlfriend at New Year’s, so …” you trailed off, hoping that she understood where you were coming from.”

“Entenc. But cariño, why didn’t you tell me?” She asked again.

“I … I don’t know.” You did know. You knew exactly why you didn’t tell her. And she knew it, too. “Ok … well … I didn’t … I didn’t want you to treat me like a child again. Relationships are new to me. I can do the … physical …” you both cringed slightly, not entirely comfortable with those topics just yet, “side of relationships fine. But emotions. They’re new to me. And I wanted to figure it out for myself first. I went to Ona ‘cos she’s my best friend. One that needs to learn how to resist interrogation better, but she’s still my best friend.”

“Don't be too hard on her, pequeña. She meant well. And I get why you didn’t come to me first. But can I ask a few questions?” She watched as you left your seat, coming around to her side of the table, and sitting on her lap.

You sighed, “ask away.” She laughed as she squeezed your waist.

“Does she treat you well?”

“Sí,” you answered honestly.

“Do you treat her well?”

“I think so. I hope so.” You smiled at her concern for Lena

“Can we meet her?”

“As long as you guys don’t give her the talk, then yes.” She leant back to look at your face.

“Can I give her the talk?” You sighed.

“Sí,” you relented, not missing the flicker of excitement that passed over her face.

“When is she coming to Barcelona?”

“Our way game Èl Clasíco matches with a free weekend for her. She’s meeting me in Madrid.” You laughed as she pushed you off her lap, standing up and rushing to the door. “Where are you going?”

“To prepare my speech. Alba never let me do a charla de hermana mayor to her partners, so this might be my only chance.” You laughed at her enthusiasm. She indeed was like your big sister – annoying most of the time, infuriating some of the time, but just a big, goofy kid at heart looking out for everyone around her.

[Initial]💙❤️: U might wanna prepare urself now x

L💚: WHY???

L💚: WHAT DID U DO????

[Initial]💙❤️: Alexia knows

[Initial]💙❤️: She’s very excited to meet my girlfriend x

[Initial]💙❤️: She’s planning a speech x

L💚: I am dead

L💚: I am going to die

L💚: Will u still love me if I’m dead????

[Initial]💙❤️: She wont kill u

[Initial]💙❤️: I wont let her xxx

[Initial]💙❤️: Yes, I will still love u if ur dead xx

I hope you liked it <3<3<3

[tainbocuailnge]

Another thing that's... kinda odd about the English translation is in the DRK quests, Myste says "A reckoning will not be postponed indefinitely", which is a big line in basically a secret route of the browser game Fallen London. and yeah, it is a cool line and neat to hear it in FF14... it also doesn't really work for Myste? In it's original context, it's about the remains of a dead demi-god-like being, which was cast into a well, seeking a reckoning and leading the player down a route which will irreversibly destroy their character in pursuit of dark secrets.

Which is not what the Myste sections of DRK were about at all, lol.

oh I could rant for hours about dark knight translations. that questline is actually why I first went to scope out the german script, because I heard drk wildly differs between english and japanese and that german generally stays closer to japanese than english does. I translated some of the fray parts here actually, though you'll note I'm a lot more forgiving of the english script in that one because i hadn't reached sidurgu's parts yet löl

german fray and myste are just completely different characters from english. german myste is upbeat and energetic. he loves people who help others and feels a strong urge to help them in turn. he spawned from the dark knight crystal in response to the loneliness of countless dark knights stored within it so he could console them and be their friend, he's basically the will of the soul crystal itself. he tries to alleviate that loneliness by facilitating reunions with lost loved ones but grows frustrated that this only leads to more partings, so he tries to expand his powers to maintain his illusions forever, because more than anything he just doesn't want to leave his dear friends the dark knights alone. he represents the childish wish at the core of every dark knight for a world where nobody has to lose anyone again.

in the part of the quests where you take myste to the sea of clouds there's this bit where in english he talks about his guilt complex and lets slip that this is also your guilt. in german he tells you that he was always with these people who fight hard for others, watching from the sides, until one day he heard a cry of loneliness and since then he's been trying his best to help people too. that's the moment that for me really hammered it in that these languages fundamentally disagree on what it even means to be a dark knight.

in english myste is desperate to atone for everything he's ever done and fray is your self preservation instinct who is kinda mad that you let it get this far, but they have to forgive him because you're all you have as you walk this lonely and bloody path that you have to believe is right. in german myste is your ideal, the desire to comfort those who have no-one else, crying that maybe it's better to forget altogether if partings can't be avoided and fray is your human heart who agrees that parting will always hurt but that is exactly where you find the strength to continue the fight, because it is worthwhile even if it never ends, and the path may be lonely but you will never walk it alone when there are people who came before you and who will come after you who all share this same dream of a kinder world. of course you won't have to leave us, you're our ideal, you're what we do it all for, as long as we remain dark knights you'll be with us. this all flows very naturally into drk-as-shadowbringers-class and ardbert's deal too but since I haven't reached shb in german yet I don't want to say anything extensive about it yet

i still think english drk was cooking with even your repressed feelings being repressed + the part of yourself that wants to protect itself obviously trying to protect itself and thus not wanting to show vulnerability so en fray postures as the stronger one who will protect you instead, and that fray writing in the journal (and only being able to be honest in a place where you're unlikely to look unless you don't know where to go) is incredibly clever. but in the context of how english treats sidurgu and just the way they handle the entire rest of the game really i also don't think that they were intentionally going for this kind of subtlety, it feels to me more like they just thought sincerity is cringe like usual and decided to make everyone cool and edgy (and thus needlessly mean to each other) instead.

and yeah english fucking loves to just yoink lines from other media whether it's appropriate or not. they turned zenos' final words to wol into a hamilton reference in english, "my first friend, my enemy" is a hamilton line, he doesn't ever call you his enemy in any other language (in german he calls you his hunter though which yes is incredibly horny of him). I'll admit I'm not in a good position to judge whatever epic references the german script makes because I'm unfamiliar with german language popular media so I won't spot them unless someone else points them out but I do know that when german fray quotes fight club it just enhances their characterisation as trying to sound cool and intimidating but failing because they're really kind of lame and awkward and can't hide how stoked they are to hang out with you.

[littlerosetrove]

I'm sleepy as I type this out, but with one episode to go, um. I'm truly at a loss for what the point of Marisol was. I'm so serious.

There's one episode left and the only thing that should and can happen is Eddie breaking up with Marisol. Doesn't really matter if it's mutual, or if Marisol beats Eddie to it and breaks up with him first. It doesn't matter. Because the only "purpose" Marisol has served this entire season is to, apparently, be a babysitter to Chris offscreen, set off some kind of catholic guilt storyline for Eddie, which? Has that even been touched on again? Right now Eddie is just reckoning with unresolved trauma about Shannon. And the third thing Marisol has done is to I'd say passively be cheated on (like, Marisol is passive in all this if that makes sense). There's zero weight to her being cheated on because she's not a character, and we the audience do not care about Eddie and Marisol as a couple.

Like?????????????

Idk y'all. I mean I've seen some small bits of meta that both Marisol and Kim are examples of how they never held weight to/for Eddie. Like that's The Point. It was handled weirdly and not well, but it was to show how Eddie is 1) comparing these women to an idealized and fantastical version of Shannon, and thus they'll never match up, but still he persisted to try to recapture his and Shannon's "magic." And 2) Eddie was, honestly, trying to fit these women into roles, mold them almost into this skewed idea he has of what a relationship between a man and woman should look like.

And sure there's some merit to that, but idk. If the show wanted to showcase that Eddie is still stuck on Shannon, that he's stuck on an idealized version of Shannon and their relationship that didn't exist, then they could have gone a different route. Because as is, right now, we're still left with Marisol who, frankly, served no purpose. Not really. And we have soap opera levels of nonsense with doppelgängers that doesn't feel grounded in the reality that 911 often has (at least when it comes to the core 118 and their human stories).

And sure, all this stuff with Marisol and Kim is in my eyes further proof that Eddie is a very repressed gay man, but again. Find a different way to tell these important things.

I don't even care about Marisol (certainly not the actress), but this all goes into my dislike of how this season has overall handled Eddie as a character and his stories. To me, right now, a lot of it just comes across disrespectful to Eddie. They had a good start in episode one (though the focus was mostly on Chris...), but it quickly went downhill in my eyes.

[ot3]

who do you think is the worst victim of the style of bad interpretations you just described? Edgeworth maybe?

It's phoenix it's absolutely phoenix. Edgeworth is easier to get right on the surface because he's a much more typical type of character than phoenix is, in a lot of ways. "Asshole turns out to be mostly decent guy who is just deeply repressed and using cruelty as a crutch due to childhood trauma" is Fandom Sadboy Material one oh one. And the daddy issues too? A lot of stuff right there you can do to make Edgeworth feel somewhat like himself without digging too deep into a personal interpretation

Phoenix on the other hand has a lot of really irregular character writing and the way he acts both selfishly and selflessly at the same time is I think really hard for a lot of people to grok, so I feel like they tend to just zoom in on whichever set of behavior they prefer and fill in the rest of his personality based on the accompanying tropes. But he's so so so interesting to me! And a lot of that interest comes from trying to reckon with his genuine, earnest determination to do right by the people around him, on top of his cagier and more self-centered behavior that can often have collateral for his loved ones.

[extasiswings]

Hi! If buddie does go canon, I was wondering how you think the show will address buck's journey with his sexuality? I feel like a lot of the time, the fandom focuses on eddie's journey and his repression/coming out, and buck doesn't really get those same discussions. A lot of people just act like buck is already out or has dated men (especially in fic), but the show has never indicated that. Maybe he has been with men and the show could explore past biphobia or maybe buck has never considered it before and that leads to some kind of crisis.

Frankly, I don’t think the show is addressing either Buck or Eddie’s sexualities (at least not in an expected way) and I not only don’t think it’s necessary, I wouldn’t want them to. Because it’s something that is so sensitive and complex and so easy to do badly, especially in the context of an ensemble show in a visual medium. I recognize that a lot of people seem to think Eddie’s arc is some sort of “coming out” arc (in a very traditional sense), but I have a very different read on it—that while they are absolutely queercoding the shit out of this narrative, the point is not about the specifics of his sexuality but rather a journey about reimagining what is possible/stepping out of the narrow box of heteronormative assumptions recognizing that life, family, and especially love are allowed to look very different from what you were taught they had to be. And while Buck’s arc is less loud about it, those ideas are still there—for both of them, this journey is about missing the obvious options that are right under your nose because your own biases and assumptions about what the world has to look like have prevented you from seeing them.

There’s a reason why Eddie’s arc, in my opinion, has been less about the gender of the person he’s dating (because honestly I think he would have the same issues with dating if he were dating men) but about the fact that there is someone specific that he’s in love with already (Buck). And Buck’s is the same. Both of them are on paths of reckoning with their past relationships and the mistakes they made in those relationships and the ways they were hurt by them—Eddie has a lot of work to do letting go of Shannon in particular, who the show has always been explicit was his first love, and whose loss massively fucked him up—and once they can do that then they’ll be in a position where they’re ready to be together. But I don’t expect the show to label either of them or to address their sexualities at all beyond the fact that they’re in love with each other and have built a life together because the story they’re crafting is much more nuanced than that. And on an overarching narrative meta level, one of the things the show seems to be doing within these broader themes of questioning assumptions and reimagining what the world can look like, is challenging the audience to do the same, to think bigger, to imagine more, to look at where our blind spots are and why we’re limiting the scope of what we’re willing to see as possible. It’s one of the reasons I don’t buy the argument that Buddie canon can’t happen yet because neither of them have “come out” on screen—queer narratives in real life are not nearly so limiting and when we’re in territory like this, something that has never happened on television, the idea that they are required to follow some sort of heavy-handed and constrained script to cater to the lowest common denominator of straight members of the general audience instead of just letting this be a love story that they can tell like any other love story strikes me as a flawed assumption based in the limitations of our own imaginations.

Anyway, all that to say, there is a place for coming out narratives and stories about characters struggling with their sexualities or having some form of sexuality crisis and stories about queer characters facing oppression. But in 2023, I think we should accept that those are not the only stories that can be told and, in fact, that we as queer people should be allowed to expect and demand more from our stories. And while I could be wrong, I think the love story they are telling right now with this show gets that.

[Edit: to be clear, I’m not saying that sexuality isn’t important or that Buck and Eddie’s sexualities aren’t separate and individual things—Eddie is not “Bucksexual” (ew), he is queer—but that a mainstream network procedural may not necessarily have the bandwidth to address the full complex realities of sexual fluidity and how sexualities can change over time etc and I think it makes sense to explore those things in fic rather than expecting the show to try and do something the medium isn’t necessarily conducive to]

[thetangycheesemanwithaplan]

Eddie Diaz (+ Family) speculation

Highlighted is the main points and then i go into more thoughts on each

•One of Eddie's sisters has moved to LA(Maybe even both)

-Eddie said at the beginning of EP 6, that he dropped Christopher off at his cousins. I know this could mean one of Eddie's cousins (which would be second cousins to Chris) But we've never heard of any of Eddie's cousins living in LA. We only know of Tia Pepá currently living there. And although this could still be Tia's children/Eddies cousin's, I find it odd that they're only coming up now. All the years of child care support Eddie has needed ? It would have come up sooner

-We've been told we will meet his sister(s?) and I don't think it's going to be just a passing moment (like his probation ceremony where they were just seen)

-I feel like they're laying some ground work for more Diaz Family stuff and this could play into that. I feel like his sisters will be key to parts of his story line (more on this below)

•Abuela has also moved back to LA

-Look is this partially cause I want more Abuela? Yes . Do I want a spin of show with Tia Pepá and Abuela being gossiping shenanigan queens? Absolutely! But Abuela was at the wedding. No context was given to this she was there, I don't think she's flying in just to be a guest in the wedding and if she had flown in with the rest of Eddie's family it would have been mentioned? (If the whole family was in town Eddie would have maybe said I've dropped him off with my family not at his cousins- it sounded like a more permanent situation with his cousin not a visiting situation)

-She lived in LA prior and moved back to Texas cause of COVID and I can bet your ass she wants to come back (get away from Helena and Ramon) I also see that being a problem to Eddie's parents and they would have brought it up as a concern for her well-being but if Eddie's sister has moved also, you know Abuela is arguing a case to move cause there's even more family to keep an eye on her etc (she packed her bags and went fuck this, I'm out)

-This plays into the groundwork for Diaz Family stuff

•Shannon is back

-We know this based on the photo we've seen and it's going to be interesting to see

-We can almost rule out the reason Eddie sees her as anything medical as they've just been through that with Chim. And I reckon it'll be in ghost form (hence the title) but my question is will it be like the Shannon&Chris scene where she's there but not seen or is it something Eddie sees

-I think there will be an interaction of some sort between them, maybe not directly but there will be an Eddie x Shannon conversation going on. Eddie has just finally been made aware/acknowledged of all his repressed catholic guilt (RCG) and a lot of that is going to tie into his relationship with Shannon and the reasons behind it. His unresolved feelings that he is dealing with have come up now because of this RCG. He may have thought he'd made peace with it but now he's dealing with this its probably brining up a lot for him. He either imagines a what if scenario and we see Shannon if she had lived and they have a conversation or its a ghost version who appears to him when he's thinking about it all

-I like the idea of a ghost version that Eddie interacts with because he's now questioning his entire belief system (RCG) and what better to challenge that system then a mf ghost (Eddie doesnt belive in that kind of stuff. Talking to a grave and them watching over-yes. Shannon the friendly ghost not so much)

•Eddie will reach out to Abuela (and his sister) to talk about the Shannon of it all

-After Eddie see's Shannon, he's got even more on his mind. He goes to Abuela's. His sister also happens to be there (You see al these theories coming together now). He talks about what he's going through and his sister and abuela talk him through some of it. His Abuela offering the supportive parental side that he doesnt always get from his parents and his sister offering an understanding thats on the same level because she was raised the same way, she understands his upbringing better than anyone. And yes there are differences , Eddie was told to be the man and step up,but she was there, she lived through it with him

-Eddie has done so well with therapy that i feel he would want to talk about it but not with his parents so Abuela seems the most likely. I feel like he would want to get an understanding of it before he even dared to confront his parents. This RCG will be an ongoing thing but i think Eddie starts to take steps to figure it out.

•Diaz Family Drama(The Will)

-His parents will be in town for something (maybe an award ceremony/presentation of sorts) and although i don't think Eddie's going to come out and say RCG to them, i feel like some comments will be made towards his parents.

-I believe these comments will be about The Will. It'll come out that Buck becomes Chris' legal guardian if anything were to happen to him and this causes outrage and Eddie explains that he wants Chris raised a certain way and Buck understands this(aka not the way Eddie was raised-RCG). Also that Buck is the closest thing to another parent Chris has and therefore it makes the most sense as a person in Chris's life.

-Bonus of if this is when Chris also finds out and despite Helena and Ramon's protests Chris just says 'Buck is like a dad to me'

Shoutout to @whollyjoly and @buck-up-buck as always for listening to me ramble about this like last week! I'm only now putting it in writing

[musicalhell]

Persephone's Gambit Extra: Christine's Tarot Readings

So while I'm getting the next chapters in order I want to take a minute to go a little more in depth on the Tarot spreads in Chapter Three, because a) I thought and re-thought about them a lot and I want to show my work and b) it gives me a chance to show off my Universal Monsters Tarot deck which I frankly adore.

(Note: As with other themed decks, the UM puts a spin on the standard suits. The correlations are Candles=Wands, Crypts=Cups, Claws=Swords and Castles=Coins/Pentacles.)

So, this chapter features two spreads. The first one is a three card spread Christine remembers Meg giving her shortly before Erik entered her life. This type of spread can have a lot of different interpretations based on the question and intent, but probably the most common (and the one used here) is past-present-future:

Meg jokes about Christine living in a dream world, because all three of these cards have something to do with fantasies, illusion, and the unreal.

The Seven of Cups represents fantasies and wishful thinking. It presents possibilities (too many of them, sometimes) but warns that the subject may be so wrapped up in what might be that they're not dealing with things practically. Christine's father built her castles in the air, but left her with no real ground to stand on when he was gone.

As in other areas, The Moon in Tarot has a wide range of symbolism attached to it, but most often it is taken to represent illusion, fear, and feelings which have been repressed or hidden. Now alone, Christine is lost and directionless. She cannot see a way forward without her father, and in the face of the unknown retreats to the comfort of her own inner world. Which is a problem, because ahead of her lies...

The Magician, Reversed. The Magician represents human knowledge, skill, and craft--the ability to understand the world and shape it to our will. When a card is reversed in Tarot, it indicates the values represented are either absent or being used for unhelpful or malevolent purposes. A reversed Magician represents deception, manipulation, and hidden agendas. Christine is being warned of someone, someone who is not all he appears to be and whose seemingly benevolent actions conceal darker motives...

Then during Alice's salon, Christine receives another reading, this one a five-card spread:

As in the three card, the cards in the middle of the cross represent past, present, and future:

The Two of Wands is about choices and forks in the road. Christine was offered a choice: marriage to Erik or death to Raoul? But she turned it into a different kind of choice--accept the situation forced upon her, or forge her own path. In doing the latter, she's set the fates of herself and those around her in a new direction.

The Two of Coins represents balance, but a precarious balance requiring significant effort to maintain. With two suitors, a budding career, and her own quest for self-knowledge all in play, Christine has found a momentary equilibrium in her life, but this state of affairs cannot last forever.

Judgement is the penultimate card of the Major Arcana. It is a final reckoning, the last necessary step on the journey between who we are and who we are becoming. For Christine, this card serves as both warning and encouragement. The decision she deferred in the past is still before her, but so is the understanding that will allow her to make that decision with confidence.

The upper card in the cross represents things unknown or unacknowledged by the subject. In this spread it's the Five of Wands, the card of competition and the fight for supremacy. Erik and Raoul may have called a reluctant truce, but they each remain determined to be the victor in the battle for Christine's heart. The UM deck symbolizes this contentious state with Phantom's falling chandelier, but the conflict the card represents is not always destructive. Sometimes it's a necessary struggle that leads to greater understanding.

The last card is the inherent potential in the situation: given what the previous cards have shown, what is the possible outcome? The Sun, with its emphasis on joy, freedom, and truth, suggests that it will be a good one...eventually.

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 2 Check In

I’ve been struggling to start this essay for a few days. I sent the discussion questions to Shan Sunday evening after reading all of part 2 the day before because I wanted some time to sit with it and spend the day interacting with other people and reckon with what stood out for me. Like with the last section, I remained worried about how isolated the narrator (who I will now refer to as “Young”) has been and was unsurprised to see that connected to his experience with his mom.

We read through some pretty heavy sequences in this section, including Young being hospitalized by his mother as a teen when she discovered him kissing a boy under a street lamp, only to have the doctors classify him as a victim of PTSD and requesting that his mother enter treatment instead. He felt like he could never understand Hyung, and noted that he seemed to only be a booty call. He reached his breaking point and almost killed Hyung. He spiraled and almost killed himself.

When reading stuff like this, I always have to back away emotionally from the narrator, because otherwise I feel like it’s easy for me to get lost in the spiral of their emotions, particularly because Young seems to have mostly repressed his feelings about these situations if not the memory of them. It’s a bit difficult for me to read Young because I understand a lot of what he feels, and I am lucky that I was able to build relationships with other queer people in my 20s and avoid the spiral he’s fallen into.

With Hyung, I think @doyou000me provided some useful context for the level of paranoia Hyung deals with, given the living history he’s part of. He remembers people being disappeared. Even though he may have been a leader in a small organization at one point, it’s clear that his progressive friends at the time had no concept of their own homophobia and how it might impact other people in their movement. Like Young noted, he and Hyung are just doing regular jobs now, and Hyung’s rude friends are living a wealthy existence. For Hyung, his homosexuality is a barrier within himself, and his need to intellectualize everything means he cannot come to terms with it as he views it as the result of some sort of external influence on his being. There was never any way for him and Young to be happy because he hates himself too much to be anything reliable to Young.

Something else that continues to linger with me about Young is that he’s aware of how visibly gay he is to people. It doesn’t always come across in his writing, but the dialogue he shares with others indicates that he gets suspected or clocked a lot, and often resents how people treat him as a result. It happened with the guys in college when he stood up for Jaehee, and it happens here with Hyung fighting with Young for being so obvious about it. Hyung may try to pass and stay closeted, and that’s never going to work when you’re only able to chase after guys who can’t pass.

Regarding his mom, I get the sense that the mom’s paranoia about the dad and her controlling nature have forever ruined Young’s ability to have a wide array of meaningful relationships in his life. It seems like he can only really have one. No other people in his life get much mention in either of the first two sections except for Jaehee, Hyung, and his mom. It’s hard to see Young recognize that he’s messed up and possessive and be unable to do anything about that. He ends up spinning his mother’s remaining  years caring for her and being jerked around by a closet case.

I’m struck by the audacity of Hyung in the end. He edited that man’s diary and then sent it back years later asking to meet up one last time. That’s absurd in the extreme, and yet I get it. Being right is all that man has. He has nothing else to offer. It’s such a sad existence. I am glad the two of them didn’t work out, and I worry so much about what I know is coming for Young since it seems that there’s a tendency to punish himself in so much of what he does.

[tatiejosie]

oh hey look, i’m projecting again

Some small Earwig doodles in these trying times, I’m going through the Horrors as usual so I don’t have the time to do much. That being said, have some depressed Bella, supportive Earwig and out-of-the-loop Mandrake

I wrote a very small one-shot as a caption but I’m not exactly confident in my writing skills. Here goes nothing -

“I know you’re upset. C’mon, tell me what’s wrong.”

Bella sighed. Earwig thought that she was being ignored for a moment, but she saw that the witch was miserable as she seemingly searched for the right words.

“There’s nothing to say, girlie,” she sighed. “It takes a lot of strength to keep things going… and some days you just don’t have it in you. That’s all.”

Earwig rested her head on her mother’s shoulder, watching pensively. She could notice it when Bella was more exhausted, but she couldn’t figure out why - she hardly knew anything about the witch past a very superficial level. Whatever difficult past or heartbreaks she’s gone through, Earwig would wring it out of her mum eventually. But not now.

“What about Mandrake?” The girl piped up.

“What about him,” Bella muttered in response.

“Do you talk to him when you’re sad?”

The witch huffed bitterly. “Certainly not. No reason to.”

“I mean… I reckon it would be nice to speak to him when you have a lot on your mind,” Earwig smiled as she inched a little closer to Bella’s face. The witch only sighed in response, staring into space.

“You wouldn’t want him to worry about you, would you?” Earwig pressed.

“He’s not… like that,” Bella replied exasperatedly. “I shouldn’t expect him to care about this. It’s my problem, I’ll deal with this on my own like I’ve always done.”

The witch did not want to sound so bitter. She couldn’t deny that she was miserable most of the time, but what else could she do other than repress it? Pretending to be functional was her only way to keep face. And Bella did not want to involve Mandrake into this. Part of her wanted him out of her mess because he didn’t have to see how bad it was… but deep down, she just didn’t want to know that he wouldn’t care if he knew. The probability made it hard to even think about.

Earwig furrowed her brows. “You think… that he doesn’t care about you?”

“I never said that. I just meant that we’re not… that close when it comes to that. Y’know, feelings and the like.”

“But you’re sad, why wouldn’t he care? What does he do to make you feel better when you cry?” the girl inquired curiously.

“Oh please,” Bella scoffed. “I’m not some snotty child, girlie, I know how to keep things to myself.”

“Okay, maybe not cry, but you do look miserable! I saw it, Thomas saw it, I’m sure Mandrake knows it when you’re sad!”

“Yeah, he probably does. Doesn’t mean he has to do something about it.” Bella retorted irritably. “Go away now, I’m exhausted.”

She gave the girl a light push to shake her off, before rolling over to bury her face in a pillow. Thinking about her emotional isolation was the last thing she needed right now.

Earwig sat next to her mother on the bed, deep in thoughts. It was obvious from the start that her parents were repressing a bunch of unresolved issues, but she had expected more… solidarity between them. That was kind of pathetic.

She knew that Mandrake was a caring person, there was no reason for him to just ignore Bella. Maybe he didn’t want to seem intrusive. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say. Or maybe he would rather not get involved with Bella’s personal issues, like it’s better to leave it be. That sounds like him, Earwig thought. But it wasn’t right.

She figured that she still had a lot of work to do on her parents and their ridiculously complex situation.

[morocorra]

adam from trc? (for the characters ask game!)

Why I like them: Difficult to sum up since he’s one of my favorite characters of all time, I mentioned he’s probably my second favorite specifically male character in media and I stand by that <3. He has a lot of traits that appeal to me between the control issues and emotional repression and being curious and wanting to know what is up at all times and being a resourceful smart bb who can probably (the traits that most make me vibe with male chars tbh), his ambition and drive and desire for autonomy is really admirable to me but I enjoy that his arc in original trc is about learning he’s worthy of loving and being loved and about the value of that, that vulnerability isn’t automatically going to lead to being ruined in a sense. And his whole journey/arc in original trc is really beautifully done, one of my favorite character arcs ever to this day. On the flip side he’s a freak and a menace and I adore that as well, his internal monologue and pov is truly unhinged in the most fascinating and fun way. I definitely wouldn’t be nearly as attached to him without that. And I love stories about identity and masking and characters who feel alien and other having malleable relationships to identity to conform… so that might have started a bit with my love for Adam I’m realizing.

Why I don’t: I’m satisfied enough with how the arc played out in canon to not hold this against him when it comes to my feelings about his char especially since the breakdown of Blue and Adam’s relationship is pretty compelling to me in general, but anytime I see fandom takes that act like he Never treated Blue badly during their relationship at all and blame her for everything … Bombastic side eye doesn’t begin to cover it. But that’s only related to fandom bs, in terms of moments I actually dislike him which are not reckoned with by the narrative at all obviously it’s the racism re: Henry in TRK, ugh.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): tbh so much of my favorite Adam content comes in his internal monologues and PoV rather than what he’s Doing in a scene… but DC Party scene is incredible <33. If you made me pick another scene would go with him blackmailing Greenmantle nefarious king <3. Oh but also being unbothered by Kavinsky’s death iconic… wait I actually changed my mind pretend I never said those things it’s definitely the sacrifice scene in TRB yes that is my final answer.

Favorite season/movie: I love his entire arc and journey in trc so much so it really could be any book each for different reasons but I’ll say TDT, I love a Downward Spiral that’s interesting and messy <33. But also his BLLB arc rules… but it is the more obvious answer since it’s more positive/uplifting so yeah will stick to TDT answer and unpopular opinion but he’s the best part of that book for me.

Favorite line: lonesome internal monologue is iconic for a reason it’s incredible… also his whole internal monologue about being jealous of all combinations of his (hot) friend hanging out without him is soo real and iconic. Oh also ik I slander TRK but his monologue about loving magic and not knowing he was capable of love before and then Cabeswater showing him the images of his friends in moments linked to heightened emotions surrounding them… went off. If we’re going with just dialogue World’s Ending Folks! tirade is iconic + the internal monologues surrounding it… so much fun to dissect together.

Favorite outfit: the white shirt and cargo pants from BLLB ig my man has no drip… actually changed my mind it’s the secondhand tweed suit Gansey’s dad gave him he wears at Harvard for symbolism reasons.

OTP: Adam/Gansey. I love him with Ronan too and find stuff to be compelled by re: him and Blue but Adansey just hits on a different level emotionally and narratively they are everything…

Brotp: Persephone I love their psychic mentorship in BLLB.

Head Canon: would not have said this was my take before this reread but I do actually think of Adam as having some more internalized homophobia than most of the fandom, not as intense and exacerbated by religious shame as Ronan’s but there in a subtler way. I think Adam at the beginning of the series has some level of awareness about his attraction to men without fully registering it/accepting it, when he thinks about a model for success in TRB&TDT it’s this very heterosexual WASP ideal him watching Declan and Ashley as a model is very this to me for instance and I reblogged some older meta posts about this I agree with (stopping myself here because I kind of want to make a separate post about my thoughts here at some point).

Unpopular opinion: He’s quite an emotional mess for most of the series so fanon portrayals of him as totally cool and collected and put together rub me the wrong way especially after rereading where it Really stood out to me how much fanon and canon tend to diverge... He’s a logical, pragmatic person and a brilliant problem solver but that boy is emotional as fuck (Not soft at all which is totally different from emotional imo) and his efforts to deal with that logically make it worse (I can relate but that’s beside the point), he’s also really not smooth it’s just that Ronan and Gansey’s disasternous is more telegraphed and it makes Adam’s easier to downplay, also a trademark of Adam narration is that He prefers to see himself as a totally logical in control of emotions person and will downplay his emotional investment/emotions as a factor even when his feelings come out in other thoughts and especially especially when you look at his actions….

A wish: makes me deeply sad that even though he clearly values knowledge, loves when other people love knowledge for it’s own sake and get’s a taste of that passion himself when it comes to how much he loves being a powerful psychic/doing magic, he never gets to have that in his academic pursuits because they’re all tailored to get him out of Henrietta / help him win at the capitalist American dream… I so want for him to find a major he’s actually passionate about.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: well from the Greywaren spoilers I heard (I read CDTH and MI when they came out and now that I’m done rereading the original series am rereading them and will then read Greywaren so will.. try to reserve judgement but what I’ve heard to me is 😬) but aside from that I did always hate the idea of him losing his psychic powers and I’m glad that specifically didn’t happen.

5 words to best describe them: ambitious, observant, obsessive, practical, neurotic

My nickname for them: don’t have one, but I did call him a Freak (affectionate) a lot while rereading so I guess you could count that

thank you so much! (send me a character for ask game)

[misshallery]

a list of literary references in aitsf: nirvana initiative chapter titles

tidied up this ol' twitter thread. basically: every single chapter title in aini is a reference to a work of literature, i figured out most of them. here's an explanation of where they came from and what they mean. let us begin.

edit: some gaps filled in by the discord user aaabatteries! thank you!

"a strange tale"/"dispossessed"/"alone" (chapter 0) reference 'the turn of the screw' by henry james.

the framing device of this novella is a group of friends reading a manuscript written by someone else. ryuki being interrogated by mizuki is something of a framing device for what we perceive as his 'side' of the story, six years ago. this is also a quintessential piece of gothic fiction, which is famously concerned with the subconscious and repression- two themes aitsf is very interested in!

"anyone imagines"/"ought to know" (ryuki chapter 1) reference the bible verse corinthians 8:2

"If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know"

naix is an ideology that has the power of religion over its believers. this quotation reflects that people who don't believe in the ideology who think they understand the nature of the world (and believe it's real) are ignorant to the fact it's a simulation.

"nothing to be done"/"go" (ryuki chapter 2) reference 'waiting for godot' by samuel beckett

"nothing to be done" is something of a reoccurring joke in the play. much time is spent watching characters act aimlessly, accomplish little, and lack purpose. these chapters in the game have a lot to do with ryuki feeling frustrated by tokiko's indecipherable philosophical ramblings.

"farewell"/"joy for anguish"/"smile for tears" (ryuki chapter 3) reference 'farewell' by anne bronte.

"And who can tell but Heaven, at last, May answer all my thousand prayers, And bid the future pay the past With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?"

this poem is about the pain of saying goodbye to a loved one. of course, "saying goodbye" is a classic euphemism for death. these titles likely reference shoma reckoning with komeji's death. the joy/anguish duo are strange parallel chapters where komeji lives or dies.

"well known"/"mind of god" (ryuki c4 r1) reference 'a brief history of time' by stephen hawking

"If we do discover a theory of everything…it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason—for then we would truly know the mind of God."

these chapters introduce us to tearer as a character, who is, of course, closely linked to naix and their ideology. naix believe they understood the nature of human existence, and accomplished the goal of knowing 'the mind of god'.

"i found me"/"past its ken" (ryuki c4 r2) reference "the masked face" by thomas hardy

"I found me in a great surging space, I" At either end a door" ... "There once complained a goosequill pen To the scribe of the Infinite Of the words it had to write Because they were past its ken."

this poem is about people with a negative outlook who struggle to comprehend that there is more to the world than they know. shoma only believed in shallow simulation theory to justify his depression. "past its ken" means beyond one's established knowledge.

"not all a dream"/"she was the universe" (ryuki chapter 5 r1) reference "darkness" by lord byron

"I had a dream, which was not all a dream. The bright sun was extinguish'd" ... "Darkness had no need Of aid from them—She was the Universe."

this poem describes an apocalypse that resembles a natural disaster. fitting that this route leads to the explosion ending, involving the collapse of the underground cave. darkness becomes "the universe"- ryuki is traumatised.

"pass mildly away"/"end where i begun" (mizuki c1) reference "a valediction: forbidding mourning" by john donne

"As virtuous men pass mildly away, And whisper to their souls to go" … "Thy firmness makes my circle just, And makes me end where I begun."

this poem is about two lovers parting, but i think the game uses it to reflect platonic relationships. kizuna has lost bibi. bibi lost mizuki. mizuki lost date. family members who love each other deeply have been apart for a long time.

"the expense of spirit"/"hell" (mizuki chapter 3) reference sonnet 129 by william shakespeare.

"The expense of spirit in a waste of shame Is lust in action..."

this poem theorises that after people satisfy their lust (their desires), they're left with shame. this could be a metaphor for chikara's experiments, but he doesn't seem to feel shame. i think it's about mizuki wanting answers about the institute until she gets them and they're painful.

"all living things"/"of arms and of man" (mizuki chapter 4 m2) references virgil's "the aenid".

"I sing of arms and of the man, fated to be an exile, who long since left the land of Troy and came to Italy to the shores of Lavinium"

i think a parallel is drawn between lien and the protag of the aenid, aeneas. he flees the fall of troy and travels to rome, becoming the original descendant of the ancient romans. lien escapes the 'tragedy' of his life of crime and becomes something of a hero to kizuna.

"who's there"/"bid the soldiers shoot" (mizuki chapter 4 m2/m3) reference the first and final lines of william shakespeare's "hamlet".

the first line is spoken by a guard who hears the ghost of hamlet sr. in this route, jin's corpse is found in the freezer... not quite a ghost. the final line is spoken by fortinbras, an invading prince, upon storming the palace and finding the corpses of the whole cast. he commands the shots to commemorate the deaths of the royalty. lien and kizuna escape among the gunfire of chieda's armed goons... some commemoration.

"all that we are" (mizuki c5 m2) is a buddha quote.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts and made up of our thoughts. If a man speak or act with an evil thought, suffering follows him as the wheel follows the hoof of the beast that draws the wagon…. If a man speak or act with a good thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him.”

this chapter precedes gen and amame's end. gen highlights that he considers amame to be a naturally kind and loving person in a way that others haven't been towards him. this quotation implies that good things follow kind people, which doesn't follow considering the tragic end amame gets here.

"sweet silent thought" (mizuki chapter 5 m3) references shakespeare's sonnet 30

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought I summon up remembrance of things past, I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought, And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste

this poem is about regrets. when you think "sweet silent thoughts" (contemplate your life), you feel unhappy and consumed by what-ifs. interesting that this chapter is the direct opposite of the poem- lien and kizuna take their chance and run away together. no regrets!

"births"/"the end of craving" (mizuki c5 m1) is a buddha quote once more.

simply put, to reach the end of craving is to achieve the titular nirvana and a higher state of being.

"braver than all flowers" (epilogue) references "proof of immortality "by william carlos williams

"for there is one thing braver than all flowers; richer than clear gems; wider than the sky"

this is a sort of humorous poem about how the one thing that humans throughout history have in common is ignorance. maybe it's a ref to how the mizukis used their wit and investigation skills to overcome that ignorance and win the day?

"all this happened, more or less" (ryuki diverge) references the opening line of slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut.

this is regarded as a crazy opening line for a crazy novel. it's the literary equivalent of "well, that happened" for better or worse, much like this ending.

the only currently missing reference is 'traveler'/'left behind'.

[doublel27]

Okay, I know there is a lot of speculation about what may happen to our Beloved Papa Reyes today and here’s my thoughts: (as always if I am incorrect in my analysis I will own it later)

I don’t think Gabriel is going to die tonight.

There is too much in Gabriel and Carlos’s relationship that remains unresolved. While they’re clearly growing closer since the events of 2.08 and beyond, Carlos listed the relationship with his dad as a major reason for why Carlos thinks he won’t be a good dad.

And while the preview for tonight’s episode suggests some healing in that direction of Gabriel saying the Rangers have interest in him, I don’t think it’s enough to fully resolve the relationship. Carlos would be left with both grief and regret and while that happens in real life, this is a story being told to us.

While Gwyneth Morgan’s death remains greatly unfair and the worst thing this show has ever done to me, I can understand from a storytelling perspective why it made sense. There wasn’t much left to resolve with TK and Gwyn. As 3.08 showed us, TK and Gwyn had their major reckoning/resolution when TK was in his early twenties and she took him to rehab in California.

Their relationship was solid and his happy place and while I hate the fridging of a woman for men’s storylines to progress (and that’s what this was) I can see why the writers felt that it was a good way to go. And we got some great things out of it.

However, I feel there’s more to mine in Gabriel and Carlos’s relationship and killing him off wouldn’t move the story as far forward as keeping him alive.

Carlos has 10+ years of repressed feelings to deal with where his parents are concerned. Which leaves me hopeful that they’ll survive tonight.

[littlerosetrove]

So uh. Even with just seeing stills from 7x10 I feel like it's safe to say there will/can be three big stories for Eddie in season 8.

Eddie going Through It because of the fallout of the Kim/Shannon/Marisol mess, but more importantly Chris being traumatized by the doppelgänger stuff and most likely spending the summer with his grandparents. Ultimately I think the time apart will be good for both Chris and Eddie, but maaaan Eddie is going to be in a Bad Place for awhile. </3 (frankly i feel like Eddie may still be reckoning with the Shannon of it all to an extent in season 8, because at least based on 7x9 idk man Eddie has only hit the surface of his issues there. we'll have to see what 7x10 even holds. for me? i was hoping season 7 would wrap up Eddie's issues with Shannon because it's been dragged out for 5 seasons, and i'm so tired. i desperately need Eddie's stories to move on from her and the core of them to no longer *gestures* be centered on her.)

Eddie discovering who he even is. Honestly for the past 13 years Eddie's identity has been so thoroughly wrapped up in Dad, but also husband, soldier, son, and firefighter. Even before Chris came along I think Eddie has been trying to mold and contort himself into being the son/person his parents wanted him to be. I know a lot of us see and agree that... Eddie never really had the opportunity to even learn who he is. So I think while he's Going Through It - and dear gosh I hope returning to therapy - I think Eddie will go on a journey of figuring out who Eddie, just Eddie, even is.

Eddie's queer journey. I feel like season 7 in particular has been giving hints that Eddie too will have his own queer journey. However, I don't think it's going to be an easy one for Eddie, definitely not in the way it was for Buck. I dearly hope the show sticks with this, sticks with Eddie being queer and not, for whatever reason, backing down on this and saying "oh he's straight and always has been." Narratively wise and character wise, Eddie being queer (I think a repressed gay man) is truly the only thing that makes sense and is satisfying for Eddie's story.

I, personally, haven't been the biggest fan of how season 7 has handled Eddie's stories and his character, which I've talked about in other posts, so won't get into here. I'm hoping season 8 takes better care of him because what I just listed out is really important and interesting.

[the-ouma-mansion]

Meet The Ouma Family!

We welcome all you guests who traveled through the forest into our hidden mansion halls, where the children of the deceased Machirin Ouma and Kankou Ouma now reside in. A strange bunch of quadruplets, but one we hope you will enjoy greatly. Ranging from oldest to youngest, they'll all be very pleased to make your acquaintance.

Kouchi Ouma

The oldest of only a few minutes, Kouchi Ouma tends to be rather quiet and reserved. Being raised in a church after the sudden and tragic death of their father Kankou months after the death of their mother has taught Kouchi a lot about patience and kindness. Serving as the Ultimate Preacher, Kouchi makes time for everyone and would do anything to protect the innocent. A family person through and through, their biggest concern and care is always the safety of their family.

When not reading or advising others, one can often find Kouchi gazing at the stars, tracing constellations and telling the stories of how the constellations came to be! They also enjoy other hobbies like sewing, knife collecting, and intellectual debate. While they do their best to seem presentable at all times, being a romantic at heart means they cannot help but let that mask slip a bit when around their crush Gundham, easily swayed into games of dramatics. He also takes a lot of night time walks.

Kouchi may seem quiet and responsible if a bit repressed, he's still got that Ouma humor and mischief in him if you give him a tempting enough opening. With a bit of a temper when pushed past his admittedly quite long patience, Kouchi can be a greater force to be reckoned with then one would have ever guessed, though endlessly loyal and perhaps a bit blind to those he manages grow fond of. With so much turmoil in his heart, is he really as unworthy as he thinks he is? (He/They)

"When it is your job to speak, and to speak with fervor, you must learn to press on even if it feels like choking."

Kokichi Ouma

The one everyone knows the best, a clever leader and quick with his tongue. Kokichi after the death of his parents has taken on the role of leader of the house, as he shelters both his family and the many people he's picked up for his organization. With more going on behind the scenes then anyone could ever know, the Ultimate Supreme Leader refuses to let his family suffer like they used to any longer.

With a love of mayhem and a wide protective streak of their youngest brother Kimochi, Kokichi always does what he thinks is best, unless it would be really really funny. The self proclaimed good twin to their youngest brother, Kokichi's strict moral compass keeps the more questionable habits of his siblings in check. Don't let any of that fool you though, he's an evil leader with eyes on big things capable of making the hard choices and you would be wise to not forget it.

Kokichi might be a prankster with his fingers in far more pies then anyone realizes, but he's a good friend and a beloved leader, though his siblings make sure he never gets too big of an ego. Get on his bad side though, and he'll be the only one protecting you from the more protective sides of his family. With such risks around each corner, is really as much of an unreasonable liar as he seems? (He/Him)

"Guess which idiot managed to get himself sick while on a top secret mission! It’s a tough job being such a generous supreme leader. I had to allocate staff to nursing him back to health, how wasteful!"

Koharu Ouma

Having to be the brightest star in any room despite being the smallest Ouma, Koharu is by far the flashiest and most fashionable of the family. Acting sweet and nice to the other reserve course students Koharu has quickly shot up as one of the most popular kids at school as he twists every detail of himself in public to be more palatable and praise worthy. Though he acts warm and sweet, he projects an air of almost godly presence and confidence. If you get blinded by his light and complicated vocabulary, you'll never see into his fiery core. Though peek behind his curtain at one's own risk, Koharu will not take kindly to challengers for his crown.

While one would assume most of his passion would lie in fashion, math, and makeup, his true interest lies in the animals around him that forms his largest obsession. Having a fascination with them since a young age and finding comfort in their simple easy to please natures, Koharu can often be found taking care of the local strays when he has free time. He's wildly protective of animals and hates those who takes advantage of them, seeing it as pointless cruelty, almost demonic in nature, that he cannot abide.

Koharu may see the world differently and less emotionally then most people, but that doesn't mean hes not the most loyal companion you can find if you manage to get his attention, let alone even a smidgen of trust. Is his heart truly as purely analytical as he makes it seem? (He/They)

"Find what you do effortlessly, then put effort into it!"

Kimochi Ouma

The evil twin to Kokichi's good twin, Kimochi is a bit of an odd one. Quiet and almost always smiling an empty smile when he's not pretending to be Kokichi, Kimochi may seem unassuming but a few incidents hard Kokichi pulling him out of formal schooling for safety reasons. As the body double for Kokichi and main protector of the secret organization, there is no line he won't cross or act he won't do if it's to protect those under his hand from any harm as long as Kokichi doesn't order him to stay out of it. Endlessly obedient to his leader, he doesn't often get to protect his brothers best he likes.

Despite this though, he does hold a kind playful side to those that he likes that don't hurt his family. Quick to judge someone, it's hard to change his mind from the more black and white views he quickly forms on people he meet. Despite this colder nature and constant mimicking of his brother, he's actually the clingiest member of the household, craving physical affection constantly when he can get away with it. With a love language of mimicry, Kimochi may be a bit greedier then most would believe.

Kimochi may seem cold and dangerous to outsiders, those who get close to him seem to get incredibly protective of him. Despite this though Kimochi prefers to settle his own problems alone, and to not worry or slow down those around him even to his own detriment. Can he really be summed up as just the evil side to Kokichi's good side? (He/Him?)

"The fight’s over and nothing hurts too badly. I’m okay."

---------

Muns: Welcome to the mansion! We hope you all enjoy the family we've created for Kokichi, with secrets and truths lying dormant, there's many things to learn, and many things you may wish you never did. With other characters to find in the area, and questions of what's good and what's not, can you discover everything there is to learn?

Asks are open!

[journey-to-the-attic]

I've had this AU in my head for ages but I only just got the nerve to submit it lol (long ask ahead, sorry)

Anyway so basically it's like: what if the brothers' fall goes entirely different. This is half serious and half crack? But basically after falling, instead of ending up in the Devildom they land in the human world, in animal forms. So like Lucifer's a peacock, Mammon's a crow, Levi's a snake, Satan's a cat, Asmo's a rabbit, Beel's one of those big dogs that go boof, Belphie's a fox. (I was going to go demonic animal for all of them, but then Beel would be a fly and Satan would be a unicorn which don't exist, and that's tricky to work with lol)

Basically they can communicate with each other but they can't speak like verbally, they can still do simple magic but no demon form transforming. They're just kinda stuck in animal form for some reason.

Ik sees a tattered crow hopping about by the road on her way home from school. It keeps getting startled by the cars but it's not flying away, and it looks really close to getting hit, which she's worried about. So she tries to shoo it away, and the crow stops and looks at her with these big dark eyes and she can't help but feel like it *understands* her when she tells it that it's dangerous by the road.

Next day the crow is there again, and this time it's staying away from the curb, as if it *listened* to her. And for some reasons he can't stop thinking about it... so the next day she buys a little bag of nuts on the way back, and when she sees the crow by the road again she scatters some of them for it, which it seems to appreciate.

Ik feeds the crow for a week before it's already comfortable enough to hop right up to her and wait for its snack. While she's watching it eat, she'll talk to it. After another week it seems to be *looking forward* to seeing her, because it sits on a tree watching the path she takes and visibly perks up when it spots her coming around the corner, and it seems to listen very intently when she's talking. It's like having a best friend.

Then one day the crow follows her home. Ik waves to it when she goes inside and it's gone by morning. And it isn't there in the usual place after school...

Then she gets home and finds the crow waiting on her doorstep. When it spots her it squawks happily and then calls to something. And then six animals that you would NOT expect a crow to be acquainted with emerge from hiding in a bush nearby. Does that dog have a fox AND a snake on its back? Is that a fucking *peacock*?!

Okay. This is weird and definitely not normal. "Are these your friends?" she asks the crow, as if it understands. Then the crow *nods*.

Basically Ik takes in the animal-brothers and takes care of them as best she can in her little house. (Bonus: cut to Diavolo and Barbatos in the Devildom, extremely panicked and confused about where those fallen angels ended up if they're not here)

I've got more thoughts but I'd like to know what you think first hehee

OOOOO I LIKE IT VERY MUCH!! i agree that this is a very half and half au, so let me think about the serious half for a moment...

if this happens directly after the fall, then there's a lot of interesting dialogue coming from the fact that all that war trauma's very fresh... though potentially, they'll all heal from it a lot more healthily, rather than repressing for centuries on end until a kid who cares too much shows up. this time, the kid who cares too much is right there immediately

i reckon the other brothers, especially lucifer and the twins, would be quite standoffish with ik at first. like, they'll acknowledge her help and be grateful for it, but belphie'll snap if she gets too close and lucifer doesn't like being alone in a room with her. but i think satan would latch onto her company quite quick actually - since he's new to, like, existing, and isn't quite sure how to be around his new brothers

mammon of course has decided ik is his new bestest friend ever. part of it is because his brothers are all very sombre and he doesn't know how to handle grief properly, so he's glad to have someone to just goof off with - part of it's because ik's the first face he saw after landing and he's, like, imprinted

(he did see other humans but none stopped long enough for him to get a look at them, and ik's the first one that approached him in good nature)

ik's main concern is not having a lot of room for all these animals, plus letting them get out. levi doesn't wanna anyway, she can be pretending to walk a dog with beel, mammon can just kinda go fly on his own and will look normal, belphie, asmo and satan won't look that out of place outside - the main issue is lucifer, because peacocks are not a normal sight in urban england

she resorts to waiting until the dead of night so that lucifer can get some air and loses a fair amount of sleep over it, and this is part of the reason lucifer starts warming up to her :')