#and has already experienced more loss than anyone should go through

[bagholes]

Hi… I'm Lama Hourani, Mohammed’s wife. We have been living under for 10 months, and we lack access to universal food, and we need help.🇵🇸

My husband lost his job, our house was destroyed, and our car was bombed. 😞🍉

A small donation of 10-25$ could make a big difference in my life.🍉🇵🇸

I hope you help us and donate even something small. Please don’t ignore my story.🇵🇸🍉🍉🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/cd29b3ea

I'm sorry for all the pain you have gone through. I hope that sharing this will help. I'm keeping you in my thoughts ❤️🍉.

[phatcatphergus]

Hi, you reblogged me with a lore dump about Q! Tubbo and you mentioned that you'd be willing to do a character analysis? Please, I'm invested at this point

Ahhhhh omg hi! I can't believe you came back for more lol. You shall soon be a qtubbo stan like the rest of us.

I do want to preface this by saying that this is my personal lore interpretation so it's subjective. So many people have great analyses of his character, so I recommend watching a couple streams or looking at the tag for a broad scope as well!

That being said...

I think the best word to describe qtubbo is loss.

He was brought to the island having already lost parts of himself he didn't know. Through his time on the island, he lost respect, credibility, friends, family, teammates, nieces and nephews, penpals, godkids, mentors, and himself. He never had something he didn't end up losing, whether by choice or force. He loses what matters most to him, yet he continues giving his all to everyone he meets.

He came to the island with loss and no sense of who he was or where he came from, yet he spent all of his time for the benefit of others. He worked day and night so that other people wouldn't experience the loss of what he could prevent such as items or supplies. He never wanted anyone to experience what he experienced, even when they were the ones perpetuating it.

No one ever cared about him unless it was for a reason. His relationships were transactional and needed to be because who would ever care for someone with no firm sense of self or where you came from? When he couldn't provide a transaction of care, he made himself useful, he became indispensable so that even if people didn't like him for him, they could use his skills until they didn't need him anymore.

The only time he actually felt that someone cared for him, just to care about him, was Fred. Fred had no emotions, no sense of self, and no past to speak of. Fred was someone who had no reason to hate or use Tubbo because Fred was like Tubbo. Fred was the first person who could care for Tubbo because he wanted to, and not because of his use or someone's sense of responsibility.

Losing Fred meant losing the one person who cared about him without strings attached. Anyone else only cared about him because he was useful, a leader, an engineer, a neighbor, a business partner, a babysitter, someone to steal from, or just someone to poke fun at. Until Sunny.

With Sunny, Tubbo knew better than to expect her to stay with him. He learned from his past that he doesn't deserve something as wonderful as Sunny, that he can only love and wait until she is ripped away too. If he wasn't good enough to keep Fred, why on earth would he be even partially enough for Sunny.

He mourned her loss the day he got her. He knew he wasn't the best for her, he wasn't anywhere close to what Sunny deserved, but he did his best regardless and loved her more than life itself. Sunny became his tether and the only reason for him to stay alive. Sunny needed him like he needed Sunny. Sunny was the only reason he kept himself alive after Fred's funeral. Through the jeers, through the belittlement, through the disregard for his feelings, Sunny was there and provided him with enough purpose to keep going.

Fit and Pac dating made his only sense of security start to crumble. The two people he figured would stick by his side were moving along without him. They wouldn't need him in their life because they would need each other. They don't need his friendship anymore, his usefulness has worn itself out. He doesn't see them extending a hand to him as they step forward because he's too focused on the empty voids in his past where others should be.

He tries to break them up, and even if they hate him, he can rationalize that he did it for the right reasons. They may hate him but they're stuck with him, kicking and screaming by his side. Everyone tells him that he needs to find Fred, that he's projecting his romantic life onto theirs. In reality, he is too scared of leaving the island the exact way he started, with nothing to his name and no one by his side.

His character is such a battle between what he wants to do and what he feels that he needs to do. His entire run through purgatory was fighting others for eggs that weren't even his. He spends his days working on projects for other people and picking apart his failures when others can only see his success. He works tirelessly so that Sunny won't ever understand what it's like to be underestimated, beaten down, mischaracterized, and alone. Even if the world is against them, he will be in her corner to fight until his dying breath.

He loves so deeply and so purely. He tries to compensate for the lack of it that he has received after giving it away to whoever asks. He is depressed, anxious, and on alert. He has gone through trials and events with his head high and carrying the weight of others on his shoulders. He loves and he gives and continues to even when the people he gives his love to throw it to the side.

He has people in his corner, but his fear of them leaving has already made them vanish in his mind. He's a killer and a father. An engineer and a friend. A penpal and an adversary. He is loss and he is love.

[annymation]

Sonic Movie 3 Predictions and Angst

The hyper fixation is slowly creeping in and I must let it out, so here’s a compilation of scenes I can imagine happening in Sonic 3. Let’s see how many I’ll get right!

1. Shadow has parallels with all 3 of the boys, not just Sonic

We all know already Shadow and Sonic have similar backstories with how Sonic experienced the loss of Long Claw, the same way Shadow lost Maria. But while Sonic chooses to move on, Shadow wants revenge. Sonic can relate to Shadow in a way, and that very obviously will be brought up in the movie.

But what can also be brought up is how Knuckles also experienced grief and dealt with it by seeking revenge for YEARS of his life, he more than anyone can understand Shadow.

And finally Tails, which is a bit of a stretch from my part, but considering Shadow is so different from everyone else, not only for his appearance but also his powers, he might feel as if he doesn’t belong anywhere else, Tails can relate to that, since he too felt like he was two different because of his two tails.

I can see they all trying to reach out to Shadow in their own ways, obviously at first it doesn’t work but with each interaction they start to slowly break more and more of his defenses and he starts to reflect on their words, maybe their words remind him of Maria and by the end he’ll realize he’s not doing what she’d want.

2. Stone is the one who frees Shadow and the one who tells the team Robotnik is alive

Double prediction I guess, but pretty much what I’m saying is that Stone is the catalyst for this whole movie, and he did all that for one simple reason… Robotnik was bored.

We’ve seen in the after credits scene of Sonic 2 that he disguised himself as a G.U.N agent and he overheard about Project Shadow, I think, after that he’d do a little research, and figure out the password to release Shadow from the pod is M A R I A. Hence why the commander says in the trailer there has been a security breach. Now don’t ask me how Stone got away with opening the pod without the government arresting him, boy is sneaky I guess.

As for how the team figured out Robotnik is alive, my guess is that Stone sent them a message through one of Robotnik’s robots, inviting them to get assistance from the doctor.

Did you catch that? He’s offering to help them solve a problem HE caused, my man is pulling the strings.

And for what? To get Robotnik back into action of course, out of his depression, and maybe find out more about his past in the process, considering Shadow was created by his grandfather.

So in team Sonic’s lowest moment, they agree to get help, and ya know what, I’m 90% certain Robotnik will betray they after their truce, because of course he will, and Stone will love it because that’s the doctor he knows and loves.

3. Maddie will help heal Knuckles

Maddie is a vet, as we’ve seen in the first movie when she helps Sonic after he’s passed out. Now that hasn’t been brought up in a while and I think it would be a huge missed opportunity if she doesn’t help out with Knuckles broken arm or whatever Shadow did with his arm in the trailer.

Additionally, I feel like after that first encounter Tom and Maddie would be worried sick and conflicted if they should let the boys go on this mission or not, to which Tom decides he’s coming too, hence why we see a shot of him wearing a G.U.N uniform, albeit, stolen because he’s just in disguise.

Bonus round of small predictions:

- Knuckles calls Tails by his name and not just “Fox”

- Sonic finds tapes that Shadow and Maria recorded together

- More Tails screen time (please I beg)

- Amy and/or Metal Sonic in the post credit scene

And that’s it for now! Might add more later and reblog it,

Thanks for reading!

[cookiesupplier]

Catch You When You Fall - Part Nine

pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo & ofc (Catherine)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, angst, murder, mystery, smut, mentions of speciesism, mentions of violence, trauma, mental health, depression, anxiety, sleep terrors, loss of appetite, (potentially more to come)

summary: A new soul has arrived in the Afterlife. While she appears to adjust just like anyone else might in the new environment of the world of life after death, despite the ordeal she experienced with her death. The question is has she really, and can Nicholas help her without crossing lines that he knows he shouldn't?

Authors Note: Unbeta'd, here we go!

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@philomenie @dontdiganothergravetoday @anameunmusical @poisongirl616

Dinner the night before was simple, quiet. Nicholas didn’t blame Cat, she barely knew him, last night was the first time they’d talked, they’d only just met the day before. As far as he knew, she hadn’t even known he existed, why would she want to spill all her secrets to him, even over a nice meal? Still, he had felt like he should stay with her. He knew, sure, if he tried to do anything to interfere with any of Gavin and Bryce’s charges, Gavin wouldn’t just want to destroy his ranking in the department. He would do everything in his power to make sure he lost his rank as a demon lord altogether, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to help anyone at all. For Nicholas, that was all he had ever wanted to do in his life, that was why he had chosen the job he did. Why Gavin had decided it he didn’t know, he would assume it was to demean people that he thought didn’t deserve to be in Hell, which was just sad in Nick’s point of view, beyond sad.

Yes, he knew it seemed like he was only a paper pusher, far more than it seemed like Noah did, pushing those that others considered deserving of it. Now, there were far more jobs in the afterlife for demons than most realised, and Nicholas had just one of them, one that he considered worthy, because he was guiding the souls of the afterlife. Some demons forgot those souls, deserved to have a chance to decide what they wanted, instead of just having it decided for them because it was what it was assumed they wanted. Just because some demons thought humans belonged in the realm of the living, they should all go back there… if they had their way, every soul would never cross through the gate. They’d be sent right back, like a boomerang.

Could a person imagine, the trauma a soul would be born with, to have died only moments before their birth? Maybe they might not remember their past life’s death, but you didn’t have to remember something to bring it over with you, the way souls were affected in Hell proved that much. No, that was what their time here was for, a chance to try to recover from the way their lives had impacted them, before they moved onto to their next lives, if, of course, they chose to at all. The way some demons refused to accept that trauma could imprint on souls was astounding to him, or worse, they just didn’t care. 

Yes, Nicholas knew that interfering in Bryce cases could not only have him removed from his position in his office after what happened with Ellie. If Gavin had his way, it could destroy his reputation completely, not to mention demoted. However, last night, there was just something about Cat that had him staying, when he knew he probably could have, should have, just called Ishtar, or Ellie, and had them come to check on her. Take the time to make sure one of her friends that she was already spending time with could be there with her. But had he done that instead? No.

Next morning, he was doing something even worse for himself, wasn’t he?

He was actually knocking on Bryce’s office door, well done Nicholas, you are about to actually alert Bryce to the fact he was there last night. At least this way, no one could claim he hadn’t reported it directly to her caseworker, and there was a paper trail that he wasn’t hiding any off duty actions. 

He knew how Gavin worked. The man would twist every little fact to try to make it look like he was the victim if something went wrong, not that it was a surprise, who wanted to be caught with their pants down, right? No one, the man would do anything to cover his own ass, Nicholas however, cared more about making sure Cat was looked after right now.

Knocking on Bryce office’s door, he waited, hearing the cheery,

“Come on in, dude!”

Had him rolling his eyes just a little, sometimes the other demon took the surfer persona a little bit far trying to make himself seem cool, and Nicholas really didn’t understand. Especially when the moment that he opened the door and Bryce saw who was on the other side, the open and welcoming expression on his face fell, and Nicholas saw just how cold and calculating the demon really was. Well then, nice to know just how much Gavin encouraged his underlings with interoffice cooperation, perfect. Nicholas would say he’d have to have a chat to the other demon lord about his underlings showing proper respect, but he doubted that would go down well, he could just see the asshole trying to use it against him. He used everything to get a leg up, it was how he got to be a demon lord after all, on the backs of ever other demons that he had worked with before. He did nothing for himself. 

Nicholas had a bad feeling from what he was witnessing so far, Bryce seemed to be following the same path with Gavin as his mentor. The irony, was the lesser demon, Nicholas was not going to assume he was younger, he had no idea how many lifecycles he had lived, that Gavin was not about to let Bryce try to show him up. He’d slap the other down before he could get any real ideas, Nicholas was almost sure of that, he’d seen it before. Gavin had been climbing the ranking ladder longer than Nicholas had, there was a reason it took him awhile. As much as he was good at it, Nicholas liked to think others could tell he treated it too much like a game, and did everything just to climb higher instead of bettering the system. Maybe he was wrong, maybe his ideas just weren’t that good. More than once he had accused Nicholas of only being in position because of his association to Noah, and yes, he was promoted some years after Noah, a lot of demons talked when he was promoted. Nicholas maintained he worked hard at what he did, and he always would. 

He did hate the politics that came with Hell. 

“Hey Bryce, could I have a chat with you about one of your charges? I ah, Cat, Catherine I think, she works for Ishtar, not sure on a last name. Anyway, I was just-”

“You know the rules, Ruffilo, and Lord Gavin is strict on them. He doesn’t like it when other Lords interfere in our-”

The way he looked down his nose at him then was entirely condescending, and Nicholas had to stop himself from outright rolling his eyes at him. The fucking dick. 

“Oh I know, I know, I’m not, I swear-”

He sighed, that was the thing, those rules, were only from one Demon Lord to another, not even that really. Gavin was the one that isolated his cases. Most of them, were willing to help each other out if they thought it was for the good of the souls that they were trying to assist with. Lord Gavin, Hell forbid anyone refer to him out loud as just Gavin anymore and have him hear it, and the people that worked under him, demons he personally selected that agreed with his practices, were not. They purposely shut everyone out, and the souls they worked with suffered for it. 

“Then why are you at my door wanting to-”

“I’m not here to get in your way, I’m just here to talk. Now, if I could come in?”

Nicholas preferred not to do this, but he was tired of demons like Bryce, and Gavin, and he growled under his breath. The least of all Bryce could do was have a discussion with him. When the other demon practically almost sneered at the question, Nicholas let his eyes flame slightly as he stared Bryce down, letting him know exactly how he felt about his attitude.

“Are you really about to deny an out ranking Demon Lord the courtesy of a simple conversation? Underling Bryce?”

He didn’t care that he reported to Gavin, he was doing nothing wrong by having a conversation, nothing wrong at all. Seeing as Bryce sat bolt upright then, taking in a sharp breath then, and with that, he knew he had successfully gotten through to him as he had wanted to. Perfect.

“No, Demon Lord Ruffilo, please, do have a seat.”

That was the only downfall of playing this card, all the formalities that went with it, argh, made him want to roll his eyes again, but he didn’t. Stepping out of the Demon Lord element, and he’d lose that edge he had, and Bryce wouldn't entertain listening to him for even one moment longer if he slipped up, so he held onto it with a firm grip. Well, he did let the fire die from his eyes, the growl having left his voice as he spoke already, moving to sit in the chair across Bryce desk with a curt nod.

“I appreciate your hospitality, now, as I was saying, I happened to be in the neighbourhood, and I noticed that your charge was having some trouble. I witnessed her almost suffer an accident just outside of her apartment, and while I was able to circumvent the situation, I doubt you want her to experience any painful outcomes while under your charge. That could be a black mark on your name, especially if they could be avoided, considering how she seemed during our encounter, I am unsure if she is, eating regularly. As you well know, a new soul in Hell takes time to properly adjust, and this can present with many adverse effects to different souls in a great many ways, and considering she is so newly dead at that-”

“Thank you, Lord Ruffilo.”

Bryce cut him off quickly, and Nicholas had no doubt he knew exactly where he was going with what he was saying. It took time to adjust for some souls, especially the more traumatised ones, and Nicholas could wonder here and now if Cat wasn’t one that might have suffered in some form for it to manifesting in some manner. Ellie, despite her trauma, had been surprisingly lucky, though, her transition had taken time, and Nicholas had made mistakes. Nick could only hope Bryce wasn’t about to make mistakes with Cat. Not that it would matter if all he planned to do would be to push her to reincarnate sooner rather than later. As far as Nicholas was concerned, that was the greatest mistake that could be made, it would only make her next like, just as traumatic, if not even more traumatic.

Still, whether Bryce was paying attention what was happening to Cat or not, and Nicholas hoped that he was. Enough that he was truly helping her, and not just so he could avoid having a mark against his records before she was able to reincarnate. He nodded slightly, he had said what he had come to say.

“Of course, I just thought you should know. I’ll see myself out.”

He knew this conversation was at it’s end, and he could only hope that something, if anything, was heard. Possible, at the very least, the fact that Bryce would have to consider that someone might potentially be talking to Cat about other options than reincarnation would have him reassessing how he was handling her case. Nicholas hoped for the better, truly. However, as Nicholas went to stand from his chair, Bryce started speaking again, and it was not promising.

“And I thank you, I would hate for anything to happen to Catherine, we all know how difficult a case can become when mishandled, after all. How is young Ellie doing?”

The smug look that crossed the other demon’s face made Nicholas want to launch himself across his desk and put some of the skills that Noah had taught him over the years to good use. If there was one thing that came in handy about having an adopted brother that was a demon lord that oversaw a punishment realm, it would be the ability to kick this arrogant bastard's ass. Nicholas, however, knew he needed to at least try to refrain. He did, he summoned the will to manage to resist, because if he didn’t, what he came here to say, would have been entirely pointless. The last thing he wanted was Cat to be hurt worse because he couldn’t handle dealing with Bryce’s ego.

“Well, since she has moved in with Lord Sebastian, I believe she is doing quite wonderfully, however maybe you should check in with him if you were hoping for a more, specific update. I haven’t been her caseworker for some time, I’m sure you understand. Have a good day, Bryce.”

Letting himself out of the other’s office, once the door clicked behind him, it was then that Nicholas stopped holding back and rolled his eyes… what a fucking arrogant asshole.

[mollysunder]

Potential Complications of Ekko's Time Shenanigans

There's a lot about Ekko that makes me nervous for him next season. Besides the fact that the Firelights tree house could easily get firebombed, because it's a literal hole in the ground with no cover. We'll ignore that most of the exits are above ground-level or sealed with a heavy door, and that some of the small metal fixtures on the treehouse look like human skulls. There's this larger, but more understated threat that Ekko's going to lose his mind after using the Z-Drive too many times.

When Vi berated herself for how she should have been there to protect Ekko, she wished that she could change the past, Ekko said, "That's a good way to drive yourself crazy". I thought that answer was pretty ironic, because wanting to change the past is his whole thing. At first I thought it could be a one off thing to tease Ekko's future ability. Then I remembered that Ekko has a joke voiceline that makes light of the effects of time travel on his mind. Sometimes Ekko would say, "Time scramble doesn't travel my brain.".

The dangers of the Z-Drive became more plausible the more I thought about Ekko's place in Zaun. Of the three most prominent minds in Arcane's Zaun (Singed doesn't count, he's from Piltover), two of them, Jinx and Viktor, deal with debilitating mental illnesses brought on by their respective work. For Jinx, her bombs killed her brothers, worsening her paranoia and fear of abandonement. While Viktor's work with the Hexcore has only further isolated him from his already small circle of friends, which will only make his future depressive spiral worse once the Hexcore causes him to be exiled in disgrace from Piltover. In both their cases, their work has lead them to be partially alienated within their communities, usually by their notoriety alone.

Ekko is supposed to be the exception to the rule for most Zaunite champions, but in Arcane he's not. Ekko builds technology to sabotage Silco's Shimmer supply chain, putting a target on himself and anyone associated with him. Ekko and the Firelights have to live clandestinely from the greater Zaun. Their fight against Silco has caused them to be less connected or just present in Zaun than someone like Jinx is. And on top of that isolation you have Ekko being placed in a de facto leadership position for his group for who knows how long, everyone there either looks the same-ish age as him, or are literal children. All the while he's responsible for the raids they carry out that were shown to carry a high fatality rate, at least one of the raid members looks younger than Jinx did in Act 1. Ekko may live in a nice tree, but he isn't doing well.

Then there's Heimerdinger, who is sure to be a pivotal influence on Ekko's story next season. Every mentor-student relationship in Arcane has shown that the students (Jinx, Vi, Viktor) inevitably internalized the lessons of their teachers (Silco, Vander, Singed). But more importantly, these pairs tend to share parallel experiences with one another, though it's more general than 1-to-1. And based on Hemierdinger's VA, Mick Wingert, the most defining aspect of Heimerdinger's characters was the suffering he experienced at the loss of his home, Bandle City, from the Rune Wars. Wingert stated that the closest frame of reference for the loss Heimerdinger experienced was similar to a Holocaust survivor. If the director and writers found Wingert's interpretation appropriate enough to play Heimerdinger, then part of that is likely to come through more in the next season.

Ekko's perspective is bound to change once he works with a person who will tell him that everything that can go wrong, in fact has gone wrong before. And the weight of Heimerdinger's words will probably carry considerable weight on Ekko's opinion next season. Heimerdinger's character is likely to fulfill the role of (grand)parental figure that Ekko has long needed. I can only see Heimerdinger heightening Ekko's fears and anxieties on the potential future disaster that will destroy his community and his responsibility in preventing it.

For next season, Ekko will probably believe he is at least partially responsible for Zaun and Piltover's war because he couldn't stop Silco or Jinx in time. When he finally creates the Z-Drive, he'll have the opportunity to rewrite every new potential mistake he could have made, even if it's only by 2-seconds. Ekko will either keep rewinding until he gets trapped in his own timeloop and breaksdown when he realizes his efforts are futile, or the instability of the Z-Drive creates too much attention and some outside party intervenes and pulls him out.

[coffentyme]

Diverging from my typical posting for a minute, but I really wish we (as a society) talked more about death and grief in a way that doesn’t take away from the incredibly intense and traumatic feelings that come with it, but instead bringing comfort and understanding when faced with something as life changing as death.

I’m 21 and I’ve experienced an insane amount of loss in my very brief life, more than an average 21 year old should. No one prepared me or guided me on what to expect, on what I’m going to go through, etc.

Grappling with these complex and honestly, frightening emotions is exhausting and presents so many conflicting feelings. Should I be moved on already? Should I still be in the depths of my grief? How do you find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost all of yourself with the person who has passed?

Death is natural, whether we accept that fact or not, but ultimately we all face that same fate. Yet, despite death being such a universal truth, why does it feel like everyone avoids it? Or avoids talking about it? Normalizing it? Taking away the fear that comes with it or at the very least being kind towards the fear that we feel.

Even if we separate the correlation of death as the loss of life, what about the death of who you once were? The growing and changing you experience in life and the death of old versions of you? How do we even begin to approach that.

Of course, everyone handles their grief differently and everyone is going to experience death in different ways. But for anyone who has experienced tremendous loss, shouldn’t we not feel alone? Shouldn’t we be able to tangibly grasp what grief is and what to expect?

I’m not sure.

Even now, as I’m still in my grief I wonder if instead of looking for answers and itching for a guide through this unexplainable pain, maybe we aren’t meant to have answers. Maybe it’s all part of the process, a part of human experience we can’t explain our way through. To be lost, confused, alone, and even afraid is just part of it, until we can find ourselves and in hand, find peace again.

In a weird way it brings me a sense of peace, I guess. We’re not inherently designed to know everything.

But maybe these are just the ramblings and jumbled thoughts of a man trying to understand grief in a more intimate way. Maybe you find comfort in my thoughts knowing you might not be the only one struggling through the intimidating hurdles of life and the anger of not having answers.

This is nothing more than me trying to convey what I wish we could know, collectively, and if you were to take anything away from this long post, please know:

If you’re going through any form of grief whether it be the loss of a loved one or even the loss of something else entirely. You are not alone, and these weird, complex, gut wrenching feelings will pass. They will pass. You will be okay.

I love you.

[greatandholypangolin]

“oh no they’re crying now what do I do” helpline

When people go through some shit and they tell you about it, whether it be grief, or breakups, or something traumatic, it’s difficult to say the right thing, correct? You feel trapped in the cliched “I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m here if you need me.” While these are the right sentiments, they’re overused and feel like they aren’t genuine. So here’s some advice to be real and vulnerable and say roughly the right things:

it boils down to 3ish steps. Acknowledge, ask, advice. I’ll provide examples too of what specifically you could say, if the scenario was that their mother has just died. Feel free to adapt them for other things.

ACKNOWLEDGE: literally just acknowledge that what happened was really shit and that it really sucks that they’re going through that. It’s just a little thing, but it’s so important and so many people miss it. Some of our AuDHD friends out there may also want to talk about their similar experiences to show that they understand. This is logical, showing you relate in a way to empathise, but it can also seem like you’re moving the focus from them to you, which isn’t the aim. A way to still show that you relate is to say that you’ve experienced something similar, but don’t go into any detail. EG “yeah, I’ve had something like that happen to me. It felt/you must feel *insert sentiment*” it’s kind of important that you say that IT felt, or YOU will feel, rather than *I* felt, because that makes the struggle more general, rather than being about you. Let’s do our sample sentence. “She’s gone? I’m so sorry, that must be so shit. We all loved her, but it must be so much more intense for you because you were so close to her. I love you” (feel free to swear and not use the “correct” language, and don’t be afraid to tell them that you genuinely love them)

ASK: ask them what they need from you now. I recommend making it multiple choice rather than an open statement, because they probably have a lot to think about. Make “just leave” an option for them, non-judgementally. If they don’t respond or can’t think about it, that can get more difficult. Based on what you already know about them, you can either just sit next to them in silence as a comforting presence, talk to them, either about the tragedy or about whatever’s on your mind, or go and help things out, keep busy and sort things out for them. If you’re in their house, it’s a perfect chance to just clean stuff up a little bit. They’d appreciate it. Here’s our sample! “Hey, do you need anything from me? Do you want to talk about her, or should I change the subject? We can play some games or something… or I can let you sit for a while? I’d be fine with that, if that’s what you need.”

ADVICE: this is based on what they said in the ask segment, but it’s just some advice on what to do next. The advice should boil down to “take some time to sort yourself out, you don’t owe anyone anything right now, responsibilities can wait, etc”. If they tell you to leave in the ask segment, say “that’s ok. Remember that you’re allowed to be weak about this. You don’t have to be fine.” As you leave. A lot of people will be telling them to stay strong, and that they’re being so brave. Don’t be them. Also, if you don’t know what advice to give, just tell them that. Be vulnerable. Say that you don’t know what to do in this situation either, but you’ll always be there to support them. Remember, if you’re vulnerable and honest and open, then they’ll feel safe to be the same. SAMPLE- “Listen, I don’t know what I’d even do in your situation, it’s so much… much. Just take a week to work things out. The admin stuff can wait. And it’s fine if you cut off from people. We’ll understand, and we still all love you.

if ANYONE says that “everything happens for a reason” or “god doesn’t give us struggles we can’t withstand” I will be flaying you. Bad.

[rainershea]

What does Simon need? (Fionna and Cake spoilers)

————————————

As we wait for the next episodes, I’m looking for an answer to the crucial question that the show has so far confronted us with: exactly what will need to happen to Simon for him to be able to stop being depressed?

This is about more than a character, because Simon’s suffering is a depiction of the experiences that actual people with depression go through. I don’t expect watching a depressed character get out of that depression to instantly cure anyone’s actual depression, mental health isn’t as simple as that. But like with all stories, this story has the potential to provide people with a powerful kind of encouragement. Watching a character overcome a struggle can have the same effect as seeing a friend overcome it: it shows you that reaching a better point in your own life is possible. And if this show can do that for someone, this part of Simon’s story will come to have benefits beyond simply continuing a piece of art.

So how can this happen for Simon? I feel the clues for how he can become happy are apparent throughout not just the second episode, but throughout the entire series. We all know Simon and his life has value, he’s a character we’ve always been rooting for. From the moment he was introduced, fans have been observing how smart and sensitive he is, and we’ve wanted him to overcome his pain. He‘s someone who’s responded to extreme hardship by acting heroically, and the things his heroism brought are still able to be seen; he was the one who made it so Marceline could survive, and go on to contribute her own great things to history. Because his value is so clear, not just Marcy but also Finn and PB are shown to care about him. But having people who care about you won’t necessarily stop you from having depression, there are countless things that can cause this problem.

In Simon’s case, the thing that’s caused it is alienation. A sense that because he doesn’t fit in with his surroundings, there’s not a point to him being around. He could try to fix this by pursuing a new life purpose, but having a “life purpose” isn’t absolutely necessary for being happy. Think of the scene in Soul where the film clarifies that someone can lack any great achievements, and still gain fulfillment from life purely through the beauty of everyday moments. From our perspective as viewers, who‘ve often gained a deep emotional attachment to the world of the show, it seems like this should be easy for Simon. And maybe trying to connect with the world in this way could help him, but only if he does it in a more therapeutic way than he tried to in this episode. There were moments in his quest where he was starting to become happy and normal again, telling stories about his past to Finn, but Finn had taken him to a place with the intent of looking for danger. And that soon derailed the therapy project.

It has to be possible for him to find happiness without getting Betty back; if there’s no hope for him without that happening, then there’s no hope for anyone who’s experienced loss. I think the writers are aware of this, since they’ve decided to create a realistic story about depression and how someone can get help for it. Whatever things cause him to get happiness, they’ll have to be earned, both narratively and emotionally. Because depression isn’t something that can be escaped with logic, it’s an issue that’s too complex for me to really be able to understand (especially since I’ve never too seriously experienced it). I hope this show teaches me something about it, and about how to help anyone who might be affected by it.

Another thought: what could also help him is if he tells Marcy about his situation, at least more than he may already have talked to her about it. That would make for an arc where the one he saved ends up returning the favor by helping “save” him in a different way.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, this is Chantal again. I'm not sure if you got my first ask, I still have it saved if you need me to resend it, but if you got it already, this is just an update on how things are going (tw for alcohol, chronic health issues, and death).

So my situation has gotten way more difficult lately and it's all connected to family issues. I mentioned in my first ask that I had a relative near death, it was my uncle (husband of the aunt who copes by drinking). He passed away (making it the second death I've had in my family in only 3 months). And once again I had to go through an extremely emotionally draining and disturbing funeral.

Now my aunt moved in with us. She brought alcohol into the house and she's constantly making references to drinking, including making a joke where she said alcohol is the "over-the-counter version" of an anti-anxiety medication. And now my mom is set to have surgery later this month. She's been in a very bad mood lately because she and my aunt get into a lot of disagreements. If I'm getting along with my aunt while my mom is mad at my aunt, my mom takes it as us supposedly teaming up against her. But if I get my aunt upset while my mom is on good terms with her, then my aunt complains to my mom about me, and my mom gets angry at me for not being nicer to her (even if it's just something like me responding in a less cheerful way than usual thanks to being tired, stressed, or in pain).

Basically everything from the first ask is still the same (my schedule is even worse now with my aunt living with us since I feel like it's really disrupted things, I'm getting frequent pain episodes, experiencing physical flare-ups from the intense amounts of emotional/mental distress I'm going through, and still don't have a doctor). I'm still feeling a huge amount of guilt over how I let my mental health negatively impact my physical health. And it just feels like I'm constantly overwhelmed and don't know how to handle anything since no one around me copes in healthy ways either and I feel extremely alone and hopeless. I am sort of back to work but I'm constantly feeling distracted, less productive than usual, underconfident in my abilities, and I'm always panicked about messing up. I feel like this can't last forever but at the same time it really does feel like it's one awful thing after the next and I can just never get a break. And I don't know how I should deal with things because I just feel like a mess beyond hope and shit keeps happening.

Hi Chantal,

I'm so sorry to hear that things have gotten worse since you last wrote in. I'm so sorry for your most recent loss. It's understandable that the funeral was draining for you.

It sounds like the relationships between you, your mom, and your aunt are becoming complicated as well, and they seem to be unable to recognize that you tend to have a more neutral stance whereas they either see you as for or against them, which only creates more conflict between each other.

Please know that there's no need to feel guilty for your mental health impacting your physical health because sometimes you can't necessarily prevent that from happening. I think it may be helpful to focus less on how your mental health is impacting your physical health and more on what's impacting your mental health to create that chain effect, identifying a root cause (or several, because there are many things).

I think in times like this it can be hard to remain hopeful that the future will be calmer for you. If possible, you may want to look into some mindfulness exercises as well as some self care practices to at least temporarily help relieve the stress of everything that's been going on for you.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[watching-constellations]

This post is a really good reminder for me. I'm scared of big, huge memory loss because I watched my grandmother die of Alzheimer's. It was awful. It took over ten years, and it colored my entire childhood. To this day, I obsess over death, dying, and my mortality, because I know that my end may not come with any grace.

I've also already experienced severe memory loss. I am twenty-three. There is roughly a year of my adult life that I do not remember much of, and another year that's extremely fuzzy. I remember the edges, but I don't have a few months out of the middle at all. To this day, I don't really know what caused it. But, before the memory loss, I was in a healthy relationship (we were moving in together), I had my horse boarded at one specific barn, and I was starting my sophomore year of college. I know some of what happened during this year, but mostly from my camera roll and what I've been told by other people.

When I started remembering things again, I was on the verge of breaking up with my partner with no hope of recovery (I don't know why), my horse was at a completely different barn (I don't know when or how that happened), and I'd written an entire book (I have a memory of sitting down at my computer and typing a line or two— absolutely nothing else. The book is actually pretty good). I have no idea what happened to me during that time. All I know is that when I came to, if you can call it that, I was confused, terrified, and dazed. It felt like I'd been knocked unconscious and dropped off at a bus stop in a city on the other side of the world. My memory didn't start working like it used to for probably another year. Even now, I'm not sure if I'm all the way back to how I used to be. I tell myself that I am because that's easier, but on some days, I can feel that I'm not.

Thinking about returning to that state of total blankness and finding my life in a totally different place than where I left it scares me so much. I think mostly, it's the fact that I lost someone who I loved deeply that disturbs me. We were planning to get married. People still get upset with me nowadays for the things I allegedly did (and cannot remember at all) during this period of my life. Now, sometimes I isolate because it's hard for me to get close to people and learn new things, because I always carry this ice cold terror that it's going to go away, and there will be nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I do the opposite, and I live so fast and feverishly that I drive myself to illness and injury because I'm worried it'll all slip away from me in a blink. I fear that my memory loss makes me bad or crazy, and that nobody will stick with me through it if it happens again. It feels like a personal failing or irreparable and unforgivable problem because I'm so young. I don't trust anyone to be with me if I forget everything, and I don't trust myself to behave the way I want to if I'm not all the way here.

But hey, memory loss isn't actually the end, is it? I'm still here, and you're still here. I still have a lot of living left to do. There doesn't need to be a huge, terrible stigma around memory loss. I actually do still deserve to live a full life, huh? And maybe it's really not my fault that this has happened to me, and probably will again someday. Maybe I couldn't help it. Maybe everything is fine. So anyway, thank you for this. It's a good one.

Also, wow. I just realized how hard on myself I've been lately, because I'm already twenty-three, and I should be doing more, and... I'm missing a solid 1-2 years of my adult life. Apparently I need to give myself a little credit.

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

[fecundaratis]

I had issues with my hips for a long time.

Growing pains for me became a common complaint around when I was 7-8 years old. They were so bad, I would frequently be bed bound. I could barely walk, I was exhausted and in pain for days. I still had to go to school, of course, because they were just growing pains. My pediatrician had already told my parents I was going through puberty early, it wasn't uncommon, don't worry about it.

The fact that they were so constant, so severe, and yet I was not substantially taller didn't seem to occur to anyone.

When we moved, my mom, brother and I, the pains improved. I would still get them, especially on days when I would run around a lot, but it seemed to be improving. Strangely, my period, so weird to get it in the single digits!, also disappeared. If anyone ever questioned it, I don't recall.

I still had issues with growing pains. During the presidential fitness exam, I really struggled to keep up with the mile run, finishing last in my class. That wasn't so strange, despite the fact that I was still playing outside after school, and not an in-active child per se, I was the fattest kid in my class so it was really no wonder why I was the slowest and the least in shape.

The school would frequently have big day-long outdoor activities, we would run around the soccer field for as long as we could, like a mock-charity marathon. I, of course, couldn't participate for long. Those damn growing pains! Or being too fat! I did have exercise-induced asthma, you know.

As pre-teen, when I experienced growing pains more consistently, they never seemed to be as bad as they were when I was younger. Or they would be almost as bad, but not quite. I was no longer in so much pain, that I was crying myself to sleep.

I stopped growing shortly after I entered high school, but my hips were still frequently sore. I had started going to the gym, doing cardio regularly, I was lifting weights, I had stamina and muscle. I was still the heaviest of my friends, but I was also active and my issues with my legs didn't appear to be because of lack of energy.

I went on a "diet". No breakfast, obviously. Lunch was a bottle of water and baby carrots. I ate normally at dinner, with my family, but other than that I was absolutely desperate to lose the weight that was obviously the source of my pain.

But even that didn't seem to work.

It's only now, as a 31 year old that still has issues with hip pain, and back pain too, I've realized that my pain is most likely the cause of an injury. I've been in denial about it for years, on and off. I have limited memory of my childhood, which was pretty traumatic even in the things I do remember.

I had told myself, "Sure, something bad could have happened to me. I could even theoretically erase my memories of it, but it doesn't make any sense. If something that terrible had happened to me, if it happened when I was that young, there surely should have been more proof than me just kind of feeling like it did."

No, the hip pain didn't count, because I was always a fat kid (I wasn't), and besides, they were just growing pains (were they?) and my parents were neglectful, but they would've noticed something like that (...).

But I have proof of my memory loss. Things that I've recalled the past several months that fill in... so much. For instance, I had completely forgotten that my parents believed that I had started my period so early, until I recalled having to go to the bathroom in elementary school, tearing out a (completely clean) panty liner, and knowing for a fact that I would not need it, and anyway I hated them, because they made me feel like I was wearing a diaper. I believe I was in the first grade.

Lately, I've become... disbelieving, again. My delusional mind wants so desperately for me to find an excuse for why I'm such a disappointment, that it's completely constructed this ridiculous theory that I was abused (even raped!) as a child. I am so incapable of accepting that I am just another "basement dweller", that I have to fabricate a tragic backstory to justify it. In reality, I am completely ordinary, if mentally ill. No such thing ever happened, and believing that it did is the only disease I truly have.

I suppose there's still a possibility that that's true. It would be a relief if it was, I think. If that were true, then I could get treatment for my delusions, and I could be cured, and maybe even live a normal life.

I feel so stuck. I wish I could just accept that as true. I wish that I could just move forward with the belief that I've implanted false memories in my own mind, and then I could dispel them by coming to terms with the truth, but I don't think I can. If it's a delusion, it feels as real as any ever has, and I can't just ignore it.

But I can't. So I don't. But I can't fully believe myself either.

[fromyourmomwithlove]

Your Fish Died on Tuesday

This isn't the way I thought id start writing to you, but here we are... you're 4 years old now, and your beta fish died.. you called (FaceTimed) me from your dads house, totally distraught. I'd spent all day supporting M and his best friends through the death of one of their best friends. I was surrounded by pain all day, by the immeasurable weight of grief for those around me. Your dad giggled a bit through your despair over your dead beta fish, my heart broke for you...when I see you in pain, I often think Im not built for motherhood. I understand why parents can chuckle a bit at a loss that's so small in the grand scheme of things but your pain, in any amount, can bring me to pieces. I understand that pain is part of life, I understand that it shapes us as humans and that being human is beautiful and yet.., I struggle to cope with your humanness. When you cried it was the same as the cries of everyone around me that day..struggling to grasp the "WHY" of his death, and understanding the permanence of it. You're 4 years old now... and you've already experienced the loss of your great grandmother, your grandfather, your dog and your cat but this fish... it was the first time I could tell you understood that being dead meant he was really gone. Your dad flushed your fish down the toilet,.. I wish he wouldn't have. I wish i'd had the opportunity to put him in a box for you, and bury him.. because to you, he was as precious as any other living being..I should have been there, I should have been able to hold you, and tell you I know it hurts right now, but the pain will change with time and it will be okay but I couldn't, I was miles away and id had a few beers at the celebration of life I'd just attended. I know to most it seemed like "just a fish" and I knew in the moment and I understand now that you'll be okay.. but I can't help but regret that I couldn't be there..I said the words and I did my best through video chat but it wasn't what it should've been.. and I guess that's what brings me here at 3:30am the day after your fish died. All of this to scream to the void that I'm struggling. Im struggling being away from you half of the time. Ive struggled with motherhood since the day you were born, it has been very tough for me at times as it is for most, yet being away from you half of the time goes against every fiber of my being. Coparenting feels like torture to me, many think I chose this but I hope someday you'll understand that walking away from your dad was the hardest and most painful decision of my life. We had the most beautiful life, it was hard at times like anyones life but it was beautiful and it felt like it was on the verge of blooming into the life we'd dreamt since we were teenagers. Due to what happened, I was left with very little choice, if any at all and while I know there's many that could never truly understand, I hope you grow to understand I made the choice I know is best for you, for all of us in the long run.

There's a lot I want to say, but given the circumstances of the last few days, before anything else I need to say these few things.

I love you

I love you more than I ever thought I could love another human being. Though I don't enjoy every moment of being a mom, I enjoy every moment of being YOUR mom because in any moment, good or bad, I get to be your mom and I am grateful for that...for however long I get to be your mom on this earth I am grateful, and when I exit this earth (hopefully before you (sorry that's going to hurt someday).. I will still be your mom. I will follow you through every lifetime as I believe I already have. When I shed this body, my spirit will follow you and I will do everything I can to radiate love from the other side so you know, I'm always here. Hold space and energy for me, okay?

Regarding what happened to your dad and I's relationship...because eventually you will find out, if you haven't already. The greatest comfort in my suffering, is that it allowed your dad to be free.. and for that I am grateful.

I know my writing may be scattered, as my thoughts often are (you'll learn as you grow up lol) but I hope you're able to make sense of it eventually.

Love,

Mom

[orchardlending]

2023 Mortgage Rates Rises Affecting Defaults

When the Reserve Bank announces its ninth consecutive increase in interest rates, homeowners anticipate future increases in mortgage payments, and financial advisors advise them to prepare for mortgage stress.

What is mortgage stress?

If a homeowner devotes more than 30 percent of their pretax income to mortgage payments, they are said to be under mortgage stress. Kevin Orchard, owner of Orchard Lending, explains, "It signifies that a substantial portion of one's total income goes into covering one's head."This forces homeowners to make "several really painful choices," and costs formerly thought essential, such as insurance, might be eliminated first.

Recent mortgage affordability projections, according to Kevin, were predicated on record-low interest rates during the Covid epidemic.They purchased homes because they were promised that interest rates will remain low for years.What experts think of the RBA's rate hikes and what they predict will happen next.

Since May 2022, however, the RBA has started hiking interest rates in response to surging inflation. The current official cash rate is 3.35 percent, the highest level since 2012. The RBA has also signalling additional rate rises would be required in future months to decrease inflation, which stands at 7.8% and is far clear of the bank’s 2% to 3% objective.

Tim Lawless, research director at CoreLogic, believes this to be the largest unknown variable. It is the reality that interest rates have climbed far more, much more quickly, and much sooner than anybody anticipated.

Orchard lending’s mortgage broker��Kevin said, "It's likely that they borrowed more than they could afford now." Although borrowing limits have decreased by roughly 35 percent in the last year, "these individuals would not be accepted today."

Who is in danger?

As of December of last year, over one-fourth of mortgage holders were at danger of mortgage stress, and this percentage is only anticipated to increase.

According to Rate City, the typical borrower with a $500,000 loan is likely paying an additional $908 per month since rates began to climb in May of last year. Since May, the latest rate rise on a $750,000 loan adds $1,362 per month.

"We anticipate [the rate of mortgage stress] to increase until 2023," Kevin adds. In addition to increasing interest rates, the cost of living has increased.He anticipates that monthly mortgage payments will be especially difficult for new borrowers.

Kevin states that the likelihood of mortgage stress is "primarily restricted to families who have experienced a change in circumstances," such as a decrease in income or loss of work.This is often the point that mortgage difficulty becomes more obvious."The expense of food, gasoline, and other necessities like energy," Kevin explains. Many are finding it more difficult to not just pay their mortgages, but also their rent.

The RBA anticipates that more than 800,000 households will switch from fixed to variable rates this year."This represents a change from an approximate 2% mortgage rate to something closer to the mid-fifties," Kevin explains. “We should expect that mortgage distress is going to become more pronounced through the year.”

However, tight labour markets and high employment rates are a safety nett keeping a lid on mortgage defaults, he adds.“Even though we could see mortgage trouble increasing up, I don’t believe we are going to see a big explosion in mortgage defaults.”

What can borrowers do?

Cut expenditure, Kevin argues. “That is the purpose of the RBA seeking to lower inflation” after two years of strong cash flow during the Covid epidemic.

Kevin thinks that a significant reduction in retail expenditure will be necessary. "Expenses you can genuinely manage, such as vacations and eating out."In actuality, though, families "have likely already done so and are currently feeling the pinch"

“So for anyone in that type of circumstance, the best thing to do is proactively get in contact with your home loan broker and negotiate some forbearance,” for example temporarily extending the loan term, or going interest-only. “Tell them that you are worried about prices going up, and see if they are able to help find a solution for you.”

Analysts forecast higher interest rates and lower real wages in 2023, but no recession, leaving mortgage borrowers to best plan for further plans, adjust budgets, and create plans before issues spiral out of control.

[ashironie]

She looked through me, for I was not really there.

“Is anyone here…?” She asks, pleading that someone would save her.

No one replies, for no one is really there.

I am not one to give false hope, for I am not the goddess of hope. I stay silent.

“Please is…” she starts to yell through cries, “please…” the young girl whispers, broken.

She stays silent, trapped under rubble, for a long time. The only thing that can be heard echoing across the cave is her shivering sobs.

There is no one coming to save her. She decided to skip school to go exploring. No one, not even her close friends (who, being the good friends they are, would’ve reported her immediately), knew were she was. By the time anyone even noticed something was amiss she would’ve died from blood loss.

I did not give false hope, so I did not confort her.

She looked through my eyes again, almost sensing my presence there, good.

If a tree falls, and no one is there, does it make a sound? She thinks.

No, no it doesn’t sweet girl. I reply, although not in a way she can hear.

She seems more shaken up after I’ve given my answer, like she could hear it, good.

She looks at the rubble on her leg, then to the cave entrance. She tries pushing it off herself but can’t twist her body in a way that would be helpful to the situation.

Even if she did make it out, with how far she’d need to go and how long she’s already been here, she collapse in the forest. The one that no one should be in due to a city mandate that will only lift in a week. Perfect for some poor hiker to find her rotting corpse.

She breaths in, setting her nerves.

If you get this stick and rock you can pry it off you like that, I say, in a way no other person would be able to hear.

She looks around, startled, but when she realizes no one is really there she grabs the stick and rock and makes a see-saw kind of lever. It’s a little painful for her but she gets it done. She counts to three and pushes it off, revealing a bloody mess due to the fact she tried twisting her way out.

She stands up, nearly falling when she tries to put weight on her broken leg. She takes the stick to help her walk, and leaves the cave.

She looks at her surroundings, no easy way down. But she does find a steepish, mostly smooth way down and a straight board that is most definitely man made.

Thank you gods for allowing man to litter, she thinks as she waddles to the board and positions it to be the most deadly sled she’s ever experienced.

She breaths for a moment, looks down, does a prayer to the god of her village, Monstak, the god of the wild, and sleds.

It’s bumpy and hurts her leg more than she’d like to admit, but it’s fast and not too bad. Before soon she’s down to the forest, making a run (or as fast as she could with a broken leg and a stick) for the village.

She has hope.

There is no hope in this situation.

I almost leave due to this fact. Hope (pun not intended) Andrea has time for yet another human that has run into her domain. Or that Lady Luck has decided to help the poor girl.

Or anyone else.

But I stay a few moments.

Maybe I don’t want her to die alone.

Maybe I wish I could be the goddess of hope.

I don’t know. But yet I stay.

After some “running” she falls. She’s delirious and dizzy and everything else blood loss with do you you. Even if she yelled no one would hear her.

If a tree falls, and no one is there, does it make a sound? She thinks again.

No, no it doesn’t sweet girl. I reply once again, though she’s be too far in the domain of hope to hear.

I’m going to die… here… all alone… she thinks, and this is the brink. Where my domain meets with Fialir’s, the god of ends.

I’m gonna die, she thinks to herself as she stands up, I’m gonna die, she repeats, going as fast as she can towards her village, “I’m gonna die.” She says aloud, though she does not make a sound.

She says that like a mantra as she runs to her village.

I smile. You know, adrenaline is a strange thing. It can make you stronger, faster, more capable.

It will be the thing that lets her live.

She knows she will die, but she still goes on. Not due to hope or any of that nonsense, but in her own words.

I have to try, I have to try because what good is being a stubborn bitch if I don’t? Even when there’s no hope for me? Even when I surely will die? I have to try because… because I refuse to be a fucking pussy about this…

Now she lays in my domain. The domain of Anthoran, the goddess of cold, dumb, stubbornness.

I usually get attributed to Andrea or to Lady Luck. I have no followers on my own because of this. I know no one will ever warship me, and I don’t care. I will keep living, I will keep being, for the same reason Abigail will keep trying. Because I refuse to be a fucking pussy about this.

And when she finally collapses, she will do it at towns edge, where Priest Edmond always takes his walk. And when she wakes up in her hospital bed and tells the story of how she got hurt and somehow lives she’ll tell the it was all—

“No, Andrea did not help me. I had no hope. I don’t know exactly who did, but I do know what did. Stubbornness.” She looked directly in my eyes with a knowing smile, she could see me.

…I guess me and Abigail have more in common then I thought…

And I guess I have a new Priestess…

You are a god with no followers nor enemies, yet you still persist. No god had ever lived without worship before. The other gods are stumped as to why this is so…until you tell them what you are the god of.

[amidalis]

Pet Loss Grief Ease?

Personal post, you can ignore if you want but I have to type out my feelings.

I lost my cat, Pearl who I had for 11 years. I acutally got her as a grief therapy resolution when my close family member died of childhood cancer. She served more than her purpose, and made me feel unconditional love every single day. I just feel so lost right now, and I am really hurting. A lot. I had such a close bond with Pearl, and she was attached to me by the hip. She was the happiest, most affectionate, creampuff of a cat I've ever known or heard of.

Pearl got very sick very fast this weekend, and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. This was a shock and devastating to us, because she showed absolutely no signs and was always happy and showed normal functioning until her last day at home when she had very labored breathing. We brought her to the animal hospital for it right away, but she had a lot of fluid in her lungs and stayed overnight so that it could drain and she was diagnosed that night.

The next day she showed improvement after being given medications. I asked the vet if it was selfish to keep her here on Earth, just because I wanted her. I did not want her to be in pain or suffer. But we were advised that it was not at that point at all. We were told that she could have a good quality of life for however long it would be if it was 6 months...a year...years, and she would just take medication for the rest of her life. It was devastating to hear, but I made peace with that. I was ready to do whatever I needed to to care for her.

Unfortunately, Pearl took a turn for the worst that night when her lungs filled with fluid again despite all efforts, and the vet called to alert me. While we were on our way to the hospital, the vet called me to tell me that her heart gave out, and she was gone.

When we arrived at the hospital, I already decided that I DID NOT want to see Pearl while she was gone. I knew it would just be too traumatizing. I did not need to see her lifeless. All I wanted were her print stamps, and to sign the paperwork, and just leave and mourn and just cry. But a nurse ran to us, and told us they were able to bring Pearl back, and rushed us so that we could be with her...Pearl passed away LITERALLY just before I walked through the doors of the room. And I saw her. I just broke the fuck down and cried and cried and cried as sick animals in the ICU around me were in pain and howling and screaming. It was so traumatizing and haunting.

My question is, if you experienced pet loss was there anything that helped you? I'm really struggling right now with my emotions. Relieved that this happened at the hospital where Pearl received the best care and her pain was eased. Thankful that I could tell something was not right, and that she didn't have to pass away at home while we'd be in shock and screaming in horror not knowing what was going on and she would be panicked and in pain. Angry that I spent thousands of dollars, and she still couldn't be saved. Guilty, because I should not just want her to hang in there for me, and if her little heart couldn't handle it anymore... it was her time to go. Absolutely devastated that I lost my baby, and my other poor cat Pepper is so confused and wondering where Pearl went and why we are crying all the time.

I just don't know what to do right now, so if anyone has any tips or things that they did to help with the grief of losing a pet, please let me know. I already bought a real pearl ring to remember her, and printed out pictures of her and framed them which made me feel a little better, but not really.

[actuallysaiyan]

Losing your virginity to the Uchiha men...

Word count: 2,189 Pairings: Madara x reader, Sasuke x reader, Obito x reader, Itachi x reader Warnings: Unprotected sex, creampies, virginity loss, swearing... A/N: This only includes Madara, Sasuke, Obito and Itachi. If anyone wants a part two with some of the other Uchiha men, just let me know!

Madara isn’t going to be the most gentle, instead he may get rough with you and call you a dumb little slut. He’s going to tease and mock you a little, but it’s all in good fun.

Madara isn’t experienced either, but he knows what he wants and he’ll get what he wants. Even if he has to pry your legs open and shove his cock into you, he’s going to do that and nothing will stop him. He loves watching you become helpless.

“My little cumslut, ready to have her virginity claimed,” he whispers hotly in your ear. You whimper at his teasing, but inside you are loving all of it. It turns you on to watch Madara take control of the situation, and he knows this.

His hands feel oddly smooth on your skin, and it makes you shiver. He’s warm, yet he’s got a cool touch. There’s something so polarizing about him. His fingers trail down to your wet slit, and he’s smirking.

“Ohhh, already wet? Such a needy baby,” he mocks, and you frown at him. His fingers graze your labia as he smears your juices all over your pulsating cunt. He chuckles darkly as you whimper against his fingers.

His fingers stretch you out, and you barely have time to catch your breath before he starts scissoring his fingers and curling them to reach that sweet spot inside of you. Madara knows exactly what you need.

He holds down your hips as he laps at your weeping cunt. You’re drunk with pleasure and lust, and you’re so ready to have him deep inside of you. His tongue flicks at your clit, and you whine with every touch.

“My needy baby...do you need this cock deep inside of you now? Are you ready for me to claim your virginity?” You nod at him dumbly, and he smiles darkly.

He climbs on top of you, and he slowly eases himself into your cunt. It’s hot, a little painful and so tight. Your walls stretch to accommodate him, but he is big. You aren’t sure if he’ll fit all the way.

He spreads your legs a little forcefully, which makes you tear up. The sensation of his cock basically splitting you in half is almost too much. It feels so good, but such a strange and different sensation for you.

“So tight,” Madara groans against your neck. He starts up a slow pace, before he snaps. Having your wet cunt pulsing around him is proving to be too much for him to be able to hold back.

Madara turns almost feral and starts pounding himself into you, causing you to squeak and squeal with every thrust. You already feel so full, and he’s just fucking you at a bruising pace.

His hands are clutching onto your hips, pushing you onto his cock like his life depends on it. You can see his Sharingan flash, and you know he’s very aroused now.

“Your cunt is mine to fuck, and only mine to fuck.” He growls as he starts to throb within you. His fingers rub against your clit roughly, and it sends you careening towards the edge.

Your walls pulse and contract around him, causing him to bite down on your neck harshly. You squeal as one final thrust pulls you over the edge, and you can feel tears pooling at the edge of your eyes.

Madara paints your insides white, groaning and muttering “mine” under his breath as he fucks his cum deep inside of you.

Sasuke is a virgin as well, but he gets frustrated because he doesn’t know how to have sex properly. He’s so good at everything else, yet this isn’t something that comes to him naturally.

He’s a moody baby, but just help him with everything and he’ll become such a natural at it. Sasuke may recoil at love and affection, but if you get on your knees and suck him off, he’s going to respond correctly.

“This is dumb,” Sasuke grumbles, but you just pull him in for a kiss. He’s a little shocked by this, but he allows himself to melt into the kiss.

You’re palming him through his pants, feeling the obvious erection there. He’s sulking a little, but his breaths are coming out in little pants. He needs this as much as you do.

You lead him to the bedroom, and you take charge of the situation. Sasuke is a little miffed about this, but he doesn’t complain too much. Instead, he lets you take off his clothing, and you help him take off yours.

Sasuke feels a little awkward being naked with you, but that’s probably ‘cause nobody else has ever seen him in this vulnerable state. He loves the way you look naked, and he takes his time watching you strip.

Once you’re on top of him, you start kissing him again. He’s gentle and attentive, but still sulking a little. This is still a little dumb to him, but he’s mostly just mad because he should know how to fuck by this age.

“Don’t think about it,” you assure him as you guide his hands down to your wet slick. He loves the way your wet labia parts for him as he pleases you with his fingers. You smell good and he thinks you’ll probably taste good too.

Before you can allow him to eat you out, you kiss a trail down his chest to his cock. It’s throbbing and obviously twitching from the attention it needs. Sasuke gasps when you take him into your mouth, and he mutters a few curse words as you start to blow him.

Sasuke cards his hands in your hair, tugging softly to draw you closer so that more of his cock can be in his mouth. When he hits the back of your throat, you look up at him through your lashes. Sasuke almost cums right then.

You pull off his cock with an audible pop, and Sasuke pulls you back up to his lips. He kisses you hungrily while his fingers return to your soaking wet cunt. You moan as he figures out what you like.

It’s not long before he mounts you, and you can feel him ease his cock into your virgin cunt. It stretches you out, and you cry out as Sasuke bottoms out.

It’s warm, tight and a little hot and stretched out. Sasuke is trying his best not to cum right now, and he grips the sheets below you as you move your hips.

It’s tough, but he regains his composure as he starts to thrust into you. It feels amazing, and you can’t help but moan to let him know how you’re enjoying it too.

Sasuke groans and curses, loving the way your pussy twitches and contracts. It’s so fucking warm...so fucking tight.

Sasuke cums quickly, but it feels so fucking good. He fills you up with cum, yelling and thrusting into you with every spurt of cum.

Obito is a virgin. He’s touch starved and doesn’t know how to receive love.

He thinks he’s completely broken, so he will ignore or avoid your affections for so long. He’s not sure what to do when you suggest that he take your virginity.

“Are you even sure you want me?” he asks, looking at you. You nod and smile, bringing him into a private bedroom.

He’s slow at kissing you, and everything he does is like you’ll break into a million pieces. He thinks you are the greatest thing to happen to him.

Your naked body is so mesmerizing, and he spends an inordinate amount of time tracing his fingers over your skin. You shiver as he lingers on the more sensitive spots.

Obito may be reluctant to take charge, so you need to guide him and coax him. He’s already got a raging boner before you even touch him. Just seeing you nude is enough to get his blood boiling.

“You’re so beautiful, princess,” Obito mutters against your skin when he starts to kiss your body. You’re encouraging him as he kisses a trail from your lips down to your breasts.

He takes his time, sucking on your nipples and continuously asking if it feels good. You assure him every time that it feels amazing. His want and need to make you feel good makes you very wet.

Once he reaches your slick cunt, he gains a little confidence. He starts off by licking your clit and teasing your entrance. It feels warm and welcoming, so he slowly slides a finger deep inside of you.

“Obito!” you moan as he starts to hook his finger. He looks up at you, a smirk spread on his face. He gains more courage, knowing he’s doing something well. His competitive nature comes out to play once you’re begging him to fuck you.

With his rock hard cock ready, he eases himself into you. You feel so full when he bottoms out, and he’s loving the way your pussy is twitching around him.

“Such a tight pussy, princess.” Obito pants as he starts up at a slow pace. He loves watching your reactions as he fucks you nice and deep. His cock reaches all the sweet spots, which makes your eyes roll back into your head.

He grips your thighs, and he’s not sure how long he can last when you keep calling his name like that. It’s like the most beautiful and sexy sound he’s ever heard in his life.

He doubles down on his efforts, and he rubs your clit in tight, little circles. It feels divine along with his constant thrusting, which is hitting that sweet spot dead on. You’re so close to the edge, you can feel it in your pussy. It’s pulsing around him.

“Fuck yes!” you cry out as you tumble over the edge, and Obito reaches his climax not long after. You’re both thrusting against each other, riding out your high.

Itachi has loved you for a long time, and he was more than willing to wait for you. He wants to be your first, and he wants you to be his.

It’s going to be a very romantic affair, and he’ll take his time with you. He’ll cook you a nice dinner, and the pair of you will drink wine. Once you’re a little buzzed, Itachi will lead you into the bedroom.

“I love you, sweetheart. I want to show you how much,” Itachi says as he kisses you hungrily. He’s horny, but he wants to please you first.

He lies you down on the bed, and then he climbs on top of you. You’re a little surprised to see how forward he is acting, but you are very much pleased.

Itachi disrobes you slowly, kissing every part of your body that his lips can reach. Once he reaches your wet pussy, you’re already dripping. You’re pleading with him, and while he didn’t want to tease you at first, now he thinks it could be fun.

“My needy little sweetheart, already dripping wet for me,” Itachi says in a mocking but soft tone. You’re becoming a little irritated and frustrated, but he makes up for it with a kiss on your clit.

You grip his hair and pull him down, so he begins lapping at your weeping cunt. You need so much more than this. As if to read your mind, he slides two of his fingers deep within you. It feels so divine.

“Ah, ‘tachi please!” You beg as he starts curling his fingers. You buck your hips with every movement.

He pulls out before you can cum, but it’s not long before he fills you up with his thick cock. It stretches you out so good, and you’re turned into an incoherent babbling mess.

“Please, ‘tachi!” you plead again, this time Itachi complies and begins fucking you deep and hard. It feels so good, and you love the way he’s stretched you out.

“My good little needy sweetheart,” Itachi praises as he can feel your cunt flutter around his cock. It’s so so tight...so fucking warm.

His hands are on your hips as his lips attach to your nipples. He loves being this close to you, and having his thick cock deep within you makes it even that much better.

As your cunt pulses and contracts around him, Itachi has to focus on making you cum before he starts to fill you with his seed. He licks and nips at your breasts as his Sharingan flashes.

You run your fingers through his hair as you moan out his name, tumbling over the edge as Itachi bites on your breast. It feels so raw and feral, which isn’t like Itachi at all.

“Fuck me hard, ‘tachi!” You whine as he fucks you through your orgasm, building the next one on the ending waves of this one.

Once you reach your second high, Itachi pumps you full of cum. He ruts against you like his life depends on it.

“I’m going to pump you so full of my cum, you’ll be having an Uchiha baby.”