#and friends??? idk if those are the same thing but

[luvvictoria]

The Almost Lovers, Forever Flirting™

+ pairings. Jason Todd x f!reader

+ tags. friends to lover ? bitches acting like they are married, kinda comedy but not really ? bro idk what I am doing, I am new to this fandom fml

+ a/n. I swear, you and Jason are the definition of "right person, wrong timing"—repeatedly." The way y’all flirt like a damn married couple but refuse to admit it? Criminal. Like, imagine being at a fancy gala, surrounded by Gotham’s elite, but instead of networking, you and Jason are outside, sharing a cigarette, wrapped in each other’s coats, and taking shots like actual degenerates. This is the kind of energy I live for! Also, before you start reading, just so you know, I just started the dc comics so it might not be lore accurate :((

+ summary. Jason Todd and Reader have been dancing around their feelings forever—flirting, teasing, always finding ways to touch, but never actually getting together. Whenever one of them starts dating someone else, things get tense, full of arguments and cold shoulders, but those relationships never last. At every gala or event, they always end up together—sitting close, sharing cigarettes, sneaking off to the bathroom at the same time, and dancing like they own the floor.

+ support me ✰ .ᐟ buy me a coffee I Instagram

The Never-Ending Flirting Game™

Since forever, you and Jason have been toeing the line between best friends and something way more dangerous. You flirt like it’s your native language, and everyone assumes you’re together.

You both deny it, of course—Jason with a smirk, you with a teasing roll of your eyes. But neither of you ever stop.

"You clean up nice, Todd."

"I always do, sweetheart. Just tryna impress my favorite girl."

"Bold of you to assume you're my favorite."

"Then why are you staring?"

The Unspoken Rule at Every Event

No matter where you go—Wayne galas, charity functions, even casual family dinners—you two always gravitate toward each other.

No assigned seating? Doesn’t matter. Somehow, you always end up sitting next to him.

And your legs? They need to touch. It’s not even a discussion.

Jason will manspread just enough so that his thigh is against yours.

Or, if you cross your legs, your knee will accidentally rest against his.

Neither of you ever move away.

Sharing a Cigarette Like a Pair of Degenerates

Sneaking off to smoke is practically a tradition at this point. Whether it’s outside the gala or on the Wayne Manor balcony, you always end up sharing a cigarette.

Jason lights it, takes a drag, and hands it over with a smirk.

"Ladies first."

"Then why did you just take the first drag, jackass?"

"Because I'm a gentleman, obviously."

When you lean in to pass it back, your fingers brush. Every time. No one mentions it.

The Bathroom Shenanigans

It’s never planned, but somehow, somehow, you both end up slipping out to the bathroom at the same time.

And you always come back together.

Dick once saw you both re-enter a gala, Jason adjusting his tie, you fixing your lipstick.

"Y’know, you could at least pretend you weren’t doing something shady."

Jason, completely deadpan: "What do you think we were doing? Counting tiles?"

The Relationships That Never Last

Every time one of you starts dating someone else, things get weird.

Less flirting, more arguing. Jason gets meaner, and you get colder.

Your relationships always fizzle out, though. And the second they do? You and Jason go back to normal—like nothing happened.

No one talks about it, but everyone knows.

Dancing Like You Own the Damn Floor

The second a vals starts playing, Jason is right there, hand already outstretched.

"C'mon, sweetheart. You know the rules."

He leads with an ease that shouldn’t be legal. His hand is on your waist, your fingers are laced together, and his thumb never stops tracing little circles over your skin.

He doesn’t even have to ask for your other hand—it’s already resting on his shoulder, the fabric of his suit soft under your palm.

And the way he looks at you? Like you’re the only one in the room? Yeah. Dangerous.

The Smoking Crew™ Outside the Gala

The Wayne family always sneaks out during parties to escape the loud music.

You and Jason sit next to each other, obviously.

His blazer? Already on your shoulders.

Your coat? Draped over his shoulders like it belongs there.

You pour shots of Sheridan’s, handing Jason one with a grin.

"To making bad decisions."

"And to never learning from them."

Clink. Down the hatch. Then you switch—Jason pours, and you drink.

If Bruce sees you both like that? He just sighs and mutters, "These two."

They Know. Everyone Knows.

Dick? He’s taking bets on how long before you two finally do something about this.

Tim? He just watches the chaos unfold with popcorn.

Damian? He refuses to acknowledge whatever weird mating ritual this is.

Bruce? He’s resigned. Completely and utterly resigned.

And Alfred? He’s already planning the wedding menu.

But you and Jason? You’re still playing the game. Touching, flirting, teasing, pushing boundaries—always just a breath away, always almost.

For now. 💋

[zepskies]

Ahhh my lovely, friend! Take your time lol I know this one's a whopper. 🤣🤣 But omg I'm so interested to know which part stuck with you that much. 🥺❤️❤️

Well... It takes two to tango, buddy. I think you can lighten up lol

Right?? lmao She does set him straight on that, but we wouldn't have Dean without his self-loathing Dean Angst. 😂 (plus a tad of Ross - condoms really are little shits lmfao.)

also lmfaoooo forgive me but I'm stealing that *gasps in Spanish* gif. 🤣🤣🤣

Much like her, I fully freaked out at that part!!! Like, wtf, man!!! And all the while, my mind also went: "Well, he's surely gonna end it with Lisa now. It's the most logical conclusion." But NOPE! Our boy went a different way 😂

lolll Dean wasn't acting very rationally, was he? In the epilogue I'm currently working on for this story, I wanted to explore that a little more and give Dean more of an explanation on why he stayed with Lisa so long. I mean, I had my own HC in my mind and implied some things for readers to interpret for themselves, but you brought up SO many good points later on for the Lisa and Benny side -- you literally gave me a spark of inspiration for a scene. 😭🙏🏽

And I think it totally makes sense since he's still so freaking young!!! (He honestly reminded me of Buck in 911 lol – Idk if you watch it but he was very much a player firefighter like Dean) Essentially, they're both babies having another baby. It's already hard when you're a couple, but both of them being separate entities through this in a way makes it even harder. Although they try to be a unity, it's completely different since Dean isn't gonna be there 24/7 (which he also fully realizes the extent of it when she starts dating Benny).

Thank you so much for saying this! I probably should've defined Dean's age, but I implied that he was in his early 20s. I haven't seen 911 but I've heard of Buck! It's probably similar to Kelly Severide in Chicago Fire (early seasons)--definitely the "babies having babies" and being shit at communication because of it. 🥲

But man, I wanted to slap him left and right, shake him awake, and tell him to get his head outta his goddamn ass 😆

Oooh I don't blame you! lmfao Dean would've deserved each and every one of those slaps! That's why I don't blame some people for saying they didn't really like Dean in this. He fucked up a lot in this story, as did the reader, and really everybody, like you said. 😂

I was the exact same 😂😂 I still make my son most of his food myself instead of store bought (like apple sauce, bread, cookies etc.) ❤️

Aww I freakin' love that. 🥹 You sound like the best mom ever. 🍪🍪💕

Felt that lmao. Luckily, Robbie didn't sit on her ischiatic nerve and numbed half her leg too 🙄 I felt like a pinguin who got ran over by a truck 😂

oh dear Jesus. 😭 I was just starting to come around to the idea of having kids, but you're painting an oh so lovely picture of pregnancy, Wayne. 😆😆

Instantly knew where you were going with this. Probably the moment I started to brace myself and put my seatbelt on for this ride 🤣 Aw, poor Benny, who had probably wanted to go out with her since the wedding and then sadly realized Dean got there first 🥲

Tell me how you're picking up on things I felt subconsciously when I was writing, but didn't actually articulate in my mind until you said it lol. (Even more material for the epilogue! ❤️❤️)

Oooh, Alex, super important to know for you if you're ever going down the pregnant route: You're allowed a 12oz cup (up to 200 mg daily). Enjoy that coffee in the morning, girl 😏☕️

🫣🫣 Thank you for correcting me! lmfao I swore I thought my friend who has kids told me she cut out coffee, but she didn't have to! (Or I misremembered that one loll)

Still love that her water broke in the middle of class lmao. This was honestly a big fear of mine whenever I went outside during that last stretch 😂

Omg that would be such a fear of mine too! 😂😂

My God, I hated it so much that Lisa thought it was a good idea to come and then pick a stupid fight, drawing Dean's entire attention away from such an important moment. His sole focus should be on reader and his son atm and not on this. I felt terrible for her here 🙈💔 Dean not backing out of this relationship is one thing, but Lisa really should've ended it somewhere during reader's pregnancy or those first months after the birth. Yes, she liked him and wanted to try and make this work, but you gotta cut your losses at some point, girl, and walk away when your dignity's still intact. Even Mona broke up with Ross, and that was wild 🤣

Right?! lol Lisa wanted to be part of it, but at the same time jealous of it all and tried to draw Dean's attention that way.

Lisa really should've broken it off when Dean didn't, and this is one of those things I left up to readers to think about as to why she stayed with him. But in my mind, her reasoning was that she got hooked by Dean so much that she just wanted to make it work, despite the signs that his attention (and his heart) was divided. 😥

lol the Mona/Ross thing was SO wild. 🤣🤣 Ross would forget her literally all the time. I was honestly surprised she didn't break up with him sooner for all that! (lmfao pot-kettle-me 😆)

Maybe Dean should've asked reader to move in with him and surprised Lisa with it. Maybe that would've finally done it lol. She was resilient and hopeful till the bitter end lol ❤️‍🩹

lollll oh if only Dean would've gotten off his ass and done something about his feelings deep down! 😂

This was such a precious moment between them. Had tears in my eyes 😭😭 And then the goddamn cavalry arrives to break them apart! I hope for their second child they won't allow visitors till the next day lol 🙏

Aww thank you! That was one of my favorite moments to write tbh, as bittersweet as it is. 🥹 Oh yeah lol, for baby #2 it's just gonna be her and Dean, and maybe her mom.

Literally. How about you people just ask what momma wants, huh? I'm glad she had Dean there to support her, though 💕

He was there for her, even with all the distractions trying to pull him away! 😭

Typical Benny 🥹 This was so incredibly sweet of him and she really needed that (even if it did cross boundaries a little. At least wait till she gets home from the hospital to shoot your shot, buddy lol). He really had it bad for her, and I think that made him blindsided in that regard 💔

Oooh I love that take honestly that it was crossing boundaries a bit (he really was so into her from the beginning), but you're right that it really is what she needed in that moment. 💓

That hit so deeply 😢 I cry during that scene with Rachel every time too 😭

Literallyyyy. Rachel's conversation with Janice kicks me in the feels every time. 😭😭

That really showcased that Benny truly wasn't the one for her, no matter how nice, kind, and considerate he was. It's sad, but it happens. Her heart always belonged to Dean from that first night on ❤️ In the end, it would've been unfair to both of them (even all four of them) if they all stayed together in those pairings.

Thank you!!! That right there was the biggest clue - she just doesn't feel as comfortable with him as she does with Dean. She doesn't feel the sparks. I feel like that's something people missed about the Benny x reader relationship in this. It's "nice and safe" and supportive, but it's not the bone-deep love. "Her heart always belonged to Dean from that first night on ❤️" It absolutely would have been a disservice to all of them if things had stayed as they were.

And it's honestly not just on reader and Dean who went wrong by never admitting their feelings and talking it out like the grown-ups they aren't lol, but both Benny and Lisa are a bit selfish for staying with them as well. You can't tell me they didn't know or heavily suspect there were feelings there between them. Those two decided to butt into a young family, so they made that bed a little bit themselves, too 🤷‍♀️ Especially Benny – and hear me out, if Benny had been truly a good friend to Dean, he would've put his own feelings aside in the first place and talked some sense into him. But fair enough if he decided to go after her himself lol (I thought a lot about that specifically this week since we've talked about how Benny was a class act till the end, but honestly, this probably would've been even classier of him 🤝) I don't know why I get so defensive of reader and Dean in this story, but I was rooting for them hard 😂🩵

Honestly you don't know how much I love this analysis (and how hard you were rooting for reader and Dean ❤️❤️)!!

I definitely thought Lisa was being selfish to turn a blind eye to all the warning signs with Dean, but I didn't even think of Benny doing the exact same thing! He admits at the end that he feels this might happen, because he sees the way Dean is with the reader, and in my mind, deep known, he saw how the reader was with Dean too. He just selfishly wanted to hold on to her, hoping he'd be enough. 🥲

This really wasn't an easy request to write, now that I think about it loll. Because when I tell you what the requester wanted was so detailed with all these plot points (including Benny and Lisa, the 5 years, Lisa's ultimatum, the potential engagement, drama before it actually happens, etc.), and it was my job to try and connect it all. 😅

It's like your describing my kid lol And I love that both our HC is that Dean literally needs the threat of a proposal from another man to make a goddamn move 🤣

lollll I know, I still remember your poor bookshelves! 🤣 But it sounds like he's a mini Dean, just like Robbie. ❤️❤️

Right?? Again, great minds. 😂

Yup, makes complete sense. And again, it's on both Lisa and Benny for looking the other way here and not noticing that 🤷‍♀️ They literally accepted that Dean would just fix things in reader's home all the time etc. and it was clear both were bothered by that. Denial all around with these four 😂

For real. 😅 My HC is they both "noticed" but didn't want to admit it/looked the other way to try and maintain their relationships. If Dean x reader's biggest problem was denial and miscommunication, then Benny and Lisa's were denial and their willingness to turn a blind eye to the signs their partners had divided hearts. ❤️‍🩹

And this is the part that I thought most about. I sobbed then and I'm sobbing reading this again now. I was so incredibly heartbroken for Dean for missing out on all that shit. You just want him to have all the good things and enjoy being a dad to his heart's content, so this truly ripped me apart 😭😭😭

Omgggg you're making me tear up too, now! 😭 Yes, Dean doesn't deserve to miss out on any part of raising his son, and besides the potentially losing his chance with her forever, potentially losing a place in his son's life is the twist of the knife that Dean can't stand.

Same. Girl was committed 🤣

lmfaoooo Lisa really was like the Janice in this situation with the on again, off again shenanigans! 🤣

But the mother of his son, which makes her family... Lisa pissed me off during that scene, although I completely understand where she's coming from. Dean really broke her in a way. Still, she's known for five years what she's gotten herself into 😂

She really sucked in this scene. While you can see where she's coming from, clearly she's taking her frustrations out on the reader unfairly. 😥

I swear I wanted to murder you and Dean here, Alex, aka the part where I really thought you were going to break my goddamn heart 😂💜💜💜 I was livid with that man lmao

lmfaoo girl I don't blame you! It really is all my fault. 😜 Gotta have that "dark night of the soul" moment where it seems like all is lost...

And then that whole conversation at their parent's house!!! Fucking finally they're adressing this. Istg they better got to couple's therapy after and learn to communicate properly. Those skills are lacking with these two idiots 😅🙈

oh my God yeah. Fucking finally right? lol That's definitely going to be a subject covered in the epilogue. 😅😅

I loved how this was the scene that absolutely reached a boiling point with everyone!!! The drama queen in me was like, "Yes!! Let's go!!!" 🤣🤣👏👏

Oh it's pure rom-com drama at this point! 🤣🤣 Of course Benny's proposal gets interrupted - and omg how do you find the perfect Friends gifs for everything??!! 😍

The "for once" does it for me 💀 (And then Dean using past tense when saying he loved Lisa 🤯) I both feel for Benny and Lisa and think both of them handled the break ups incredibly well – no doubt about it. But that proves to me a little that they always knew it could end this way and just chose not to see it (even Benny admitted that at the end). Ultimately, it's a little hard for me to feel toooo awfully sorry for them, ya know? The old "you've dug your grave" story 😅

She got 'im there. 😅 Ahhh you noticed that past tense there, very intentional, even though it stings even more. 💙

Benny and Lisa really did have their own forms of denial. No one's the villain here, but no one's blameless either. 🥲 (I really appreciate you for seeing that. Not everyone did lol)

Fucking finally! 🥳 It's been a wild ride to get here, my sweet lil green-eyed idiot 💚🎢

I sobbed again during their wedding when Robbie brought him the ring and how happy he was that his parents were together 🥹

That might've been my favorite scene, other than Dean's confession. 🥹🥹 Robbie being happy to see his parents together was also something I hoped would be telling for the Benny x reader relationship too, that even reader and Dean's son was asking why they weren't together. 💕

Honestly, I said it over on Patreon, but here again too: This was such an amazing, phenomenal, and yes, dramatic ride, but it was fucking every 20k word of it (if you can't tell by this extensively long and insane comment lmao). And I can't help falling in love with you... 💜💜💜

I so appreciate you for that, Wayne. 🥹 I've been somewhat doubting myself on this story about certain things I chose to do, but you and others have made me feel more secure about the creative risks I was initially proud of. You have such an intelligent read on stories in such a fun and heartfelt way. 💕💕

IF I STAY - Part 2

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader

Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.

AN: Deep breaths Are you ready for a rollercoaster of emotions? 😘❤️

Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis

Word Count: 13.1K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, pregnancy feels, hurt/comfort, fluff, time jumps and flashbacks, sexual tension, mutual pining, spice~, and an ending…

❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist

Part 2: It’s Now or Never

At the doctor’s office, Dean goes in with you for the first trimester ultrasound. There you learn that you’re going to have a boy. Tears well up in your eyes and slip down your cheeks.

Dean wears a look of amazement as he sits on the edge of your bed. He takes up your hand and squeezes gently. He tries to be a strong support, even though he also tries to hide the fear that begins to churn in his gut.

For one of the first times in his life since Sam was born, he feels the weight of responsibility pressing down on him. In a good way. In a fucking scary way.

He looks at you and sees the wonder written across your face while you watch the tiny shape of your baby on the screen. His heartbeat thwaps fast and loud in the speakers.

Dean realizes something else then; the decision you're making is changing the course of your whole damn life…and it’s his fault.

With his weekly hookup rate, in the very back shelves of his mind he knew something like this could happen, even though he thought he'd been careful. (Apparently, condoms are fragile little shits.) But here, in this white wall-to-wall room that smells like hospital antiseptic, that thwap thwap thwap of a heartbeat reverberating in his ears, the reality of this is crashing hard on his shoulders and rattling down to the base of his spine.

Despite his earlier happiness, those thoughts stay with him when you two eventually get back into his car. You have the pictures of the sonogram in your hands. You smile down at them before you put them back in your purse for safekeeping.

However, you notice Dean’s sudden melancholy as he stares out at the road. He’s started the car, but he hasn’t moved to pull out of the parking lot yet.

“Hey, you okay?” you say, resting a gentle hand on his arm.

Dean shakes his head. “Look…I’m sorry for tossing a giant friggin’ monkey wrench into your life. I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

If possible, your heart softens even more. You slide your hand down to grasp his.

“Dean, this baby wasn’t planned, but he’s not a mistake,” you say. “I don’t regret anything.”

Dean stares back at you, incredulously. He can’t believe you could really say that to him. He doesn’t know what to say. He only knows what’s in his mind, and what he feels compelled to do in that moment.

He leans over and kisses you. It’s a firm meeting of his lips to yours and achingly familiar. But ultimately, it’s chaste. He pulls away and settles back in his seat.

When you blink your eyes back open, your expression is slack in shock.

“I’m sorry,” he says, seeming sheepish, and guilty. “I meant to say thank you. Just didn’t know any other way to say it.”

After a moment, you smile at him. It’s warm and almost shy.

Dean clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his face is heating up. He doesn’t say anything more. He just takes the wheel and shifts gears, pulling the car out of the parking lot. 

You don’t know what possesses you to bake cookies. Dozens and dozens of them, all the chocolate chip cookie recipes you can find. You’re in search of the perfect one. This will be the recipe your son will grow up on, and every time he eats them, he’ll remember how much you loved him.

And then, he’ll be ruined for any other chocolate chip cookies that try to grab his taste buds. He’ll say, Blech. Chips Ahoy? These aren’t as good as Mom makes!

…Or something like that.

Yes, these cookies have to be perfect. You’ll even write the ingredients down on a notecard and hide it away, and it’ll become your family secret recipe.

Once you feel like your cookie game is strong enough, you decide to test these babies out. You bring two dozen painstakingly baked confections to Firehouse 83, where Dean works. The man is a bottomless pit, to be sure, but you also want other people’s unbiased opinions. For science.

You park your car on the side of the road, making sure you’re not blocking the driveway where two huge fire trucks are parked. You head inside the firehouse with your big container under your arm and your purse on the other. Now at seven months into your pregnancy, you’ve gotten to the embarrassing “waddle” stage.

You’re still determined to be active though! You plan to keep working until you have the baby. Your parents live a few hours away, but you’re grateful that they want to help out as much as possible.

Even though they weren’t happy to hear about how you got pregnant, by now they've met Dean and begrudgingly admitted to liking him. He's really stepped up to the responsibility of a future father, insisting on baby-proofing your apartment, helping you shop for the essentials, and going with you to as many doctor’s appointments as he can. He’s even agreed to giving you child support payments, even though you hadn’t wanted to ask for it.

You look for him now as you enter the firehouse, trying to push the heavy glass door open with one hand.

“Here, I got you,” says a familiar baritone voice.

You’re pleasantly surprised at the man who helps you inside.

“Benny! It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, been…a while,” he chuckles, glancing down at the swell of your belly, but he squeezes your shoulder and leans in to hug you gently.

“Dean filled you in?” you ask. You hope so. Having to explain the story to one of his own friends would be embarrassing, especially since this is the man you walked in Sam’s wedding with. It reminds you of that day, and the way you told Dean that news in a glorified closet, with shaking hands and the wrong kind of butterflies.

Thankfully, Benny nods. “That he did…but come on, I’ll show you around. And I see you’ve brought somethin’ special for us?”

He gestures at the container you're holding and offers to take it off your hands. You give it to him, grateful for the help.

“Yeah, and I want you guys to give me your honest opinion.”

Benny tosses you a wink and a smile. “That I can do.”

Your cheeks begin to warm in a blush, but the way he helps you to a comfy couch in the common room earns your smile. There are still good men left in this world, and you’re glad to know that Dean works so well with one.

“You want some coffee, or water? Think we might have some lemonade,” Benny says.

“Water would be great, thank you,” you reply, as you rub your belly. The little man has decided to kick at your liver today. “I stopped drinking coffee for the baby. ”

It's your biggest challenge, to be honest. Try wrangling a group of fifteen to twenty six-year-olds while running on green tea, the fumes of sleep deprivation, reduced bladder control, and as much vim as you can muster.

“Ah, right,” Benny nods. “My sister has two kids. She cut out coffee, pain meds, some dairy stuff. But she claimed cheesecake was all right, ‘cause it’s got cake in the name.”

You giggle. “I see no flaw in her logic.”

Down the hall of the firehouse, Dean is just coming back in from going through a set of drills. He’s still the Candidate—the freshest blood in the house—so they’ve been putting him through his paces for the past several months. He’s eager to learn and to prove himself.

His ears perk up in confusion though. Did he just hear your voice?

Why does it smell like a bakery in here?

When he rounds the corner, he sees you in the common room, smiling and giggling like a teenager at something Benny said to you while he eats a soft baked cookie right out of a Tupperware container. You must’ve brought it for the firehouse.

This cozy little scene kind of annoys Dean somehow, though he doesn’t know why. He does know that it shouldn’t.

“Hey, look who’s here,” Dean says, forcing himself to smile. It becomes easier when you look his way, your eyes brightening at his arrival.

“There you are! Come ‘ere and try these,” you say, pointing at the box Benny holds. “Tell me if our son’s going to have the best PTA mom ever.”

Dean can’t help but grin after trying a big bite of one of your cookies.

“Oh, mah Gah,” he says, holding a hand under his mouth so nothing comes crumbling out.

“Good?” you ask.

“Good friggin’ cookie,” he confirms, after he swallows. “You’re gonna have the other parents frothing at the mouth. Who’s gonna be able to compete with this?”

Benny nods in agreement. When Dean squeezes your shoulder, your sweet, happy smile makes him smile too.

She’s going to be a good mom, he thinks. He can only hope against hope that he can be the man his son needs.

Two months later, the time has finally come. Your water breaks when you’re in the middle of teaching your second graders how to spell exaggerate—and no, Joey, it’s not e-g-g-zagerate.

However, the embarrassment of him pointing out the fluid beginning to stain your slacks is swiftly cut off by your shock. Your first call is to the principal, to have her send someone to cover your class. Your next call is to Dean, telling him to meet you at the hospital.

“Why the hell did he have to bring her,” you mutter to yourself, wiping sweat from your brow. Here you are, gritting your teeth through contraction after contraction in this damn hospital bed, and Dean is outside the room talking to Lisa.

You know you have no real reason to be upset. She’s been trying her best to be your friend in recent months. Hell, she helped Eileen and your mom plan your baby shower. She even brought you flowers when she got to the hospital, but you notice how less than five minutes after she got here, she and Dean became embroiled in yet another argument. It seems to you that all they do is argue, break up for a week or two, and then get back together again.

The sex must be explosive, like the fireworks at goddamn Disney World.

But Dean eventually does come back into the room alone. His support grounds you over the next few hours. He lets you basically break his hand, all while he gives you encouragement (and stands by your shoulder, so he doesn’t see anything you’d rather him not see).

And then, your son is born. Every muscle, every cell in your body is exhausted, but the pain meds have kicked in, and you’re in that blissed out state between abject reality and being entirely entranced by the bundle in your arms. His perfect face is just there, sleeping for the moment after the nurses taught you how to breastfeed.

Dean returns to sit in the chair beside you. He gives you some water and a piece of a protein bar. You’re not that hungry, but he pointed out that you haven’t eaten since before your water broke.

“Sam and Eileen are on their way up,” he says.

You nod in reply. You’re too into your son right now to think of anything else.

Dean shakes his head in wonder as he reaches out with a tentative hand, brushing his fingers over the baby’s downy head. He was born with a little tuft of brown hair.

“Okay, down to business,” Dean says, shooting you a playful look. “I vote for Zeppelin.”

You groan. “Dean, no. Veto. I’m not naming my son after a rock band.”

“Aw, come on. It’s a badass name!”

“What about Aiden?” you suggest.

“Veto,” he snorts. You two agreed to getting five “vetos” each, but this discussion has been more like a battle of wills over the last several months.

“Okay, what about Daniel? That’s strong, classic,” you pose.

Dean considers it with a tilt of his head. “All right, that one’s a maybe.”

Again, he strokes the baby’s soft cheek. You look over at Dean with a small smile.

“You’re going to be a good dad, you know,” you tell him. It earns his gaze. Although he’s trying to stay strong, you read the hidden insecurity there, the worry and fear. You rest a hand on his arm. “You are, Dean. You’re a good man, and you’ve really stepped up these past few months. This obviously isn’t how either of us thought our lives would go, but if this had to happen with someone, I’m glad it’s you.”

Dean’s expression softens. He hesitates, but he lays a hand over yours and squeezes gently.

“Thanks,” he says.

Your eyes meet, and it’s a moment charged with something you can’t even name. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this feeling with him. It both fills your heart with warmth, and makes you ache.

Then the door opens. It’s Lisa, Sam, and Eileen. Dean’s hand slips away from yours as they all pour in to congratulate you and Dean, and of course, meet the baby. There’s a lot of soft cooing and playful shushing.

In that small chaos, your parents call to tell you that they’re finally almost here. It really sucked not having your mom with you, but your parents live far enough away that they were going to take a train and stay with you for at least a week. Their train unfortunately got delayed due to mechanical failure.

It's okay though. Getting through the past several hours has made you realize that you’re stronger and more capable than you think, and even though part of you is still scared to death, you don’t need a husband to be a good mom. You’re going to give this your all, no matter who’s beside you…

And that's no more apparent than when Dean soon has to step out again, leading Lisa out of the room. He saw how her “helpful” suggestion to have a get-together at their apartment to celebrate the baby’s birth was setting you on edge. Really, you just want to sleep for the next 24-hours and not have any more pictures of you taken.

It gets loud enough outside your hospital room that Sam and Eileen feel they have to intervene. Lisa is Eileen’s best friend, and she’s the best equipped to try and deescalate the argument from that end, while Sam deals with Dean. It’s messy, it’s irritating, and it means that even today, you can’t just have a little bit of peace.

You sigh and cradle your still nameless baby close to your chest. He’s all that matters. Already, your heart is so damn full just taking him in.

“What’s your name, my little love?” you whisper. “What am I going to write on your certificate, besides Winchester?”

“How about Benjamin,” comes a Louisiana drawl.

You perk up and smile in surprise. “Benny, hey.”

He greets you with a slightly hesitant kiss on the cheek. He’s brought the baby an adorable teddy bear, and you a beautiful bouquet of white and blue roses, along with a box of chocolates.

“It’s the assorted kind, but they’ve got plenty of the caramel ones you like,” he says, then gazes down at the baby. “Aw, he’s a little charmer. Already got more of you than Dean, that’s for sure.”

You laugh lightly at his teasing. “I don’t know about that.” You hope your son inherits Dean’s strong jaw, and his green eyes.

Benny scratches the back of his head. “Also…sorry if I’m crossing some kind of boundary here. Looks like it’s a bit of a circus outside.”

You shake your head and smile through burgeoning tears. You set the chocolates on the end table where he’s placed the flowers and the teddy bear.

“No, it’s very sweet. Thank you,” you say. You glance out the window of your room to the hallway, where the arguing between Dean, Lisa, Sam, and Eileen seems to finally be calming down. You’re so damn tired, you don’t give a crap about whatever they’re hashing out now.

You look down at your son, and despite your strong thoughts earlier, insecurity begins to creep back into your mind like inky claws.  

“How are you holding up?” Benny asks. His face is kind and concerned when he notes the change in you.

You meet him with a wobbly smile. “Honestly? I’m afraid. I know I have a lot of people who want to support me, and I’m grateful, but…I just have this terrible feeling that we’re going to end up alone, him and me.”

You look down at your son, and you have to wipe away a tear from your eye before it falls on his face.

A large, warm hand rests over yours. Your gaze raises slowly, and Benny smiles at you. He’s serious though.

“Don’t you worry about that,” he says. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

FIVE YEARS LATER... 

For all that changes, there are some things that stay the same.

Dean and Lisa are still the world’s most “off again, on again” couple you’ve ever met. Sam and Eileen are still going strong as the hardworking, driven career couple. Your son is growing more and more every day and just started kindergarten this year.

(You ultimately caved on Dean’s idea to name him Robert, as in Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin.)

Oh, yeah, and the “you and Benny” thing? That’s been going well for two years now.

What can you say? The man is persistent, but respectfully so. He’s considerate, reliable, and always calls you when work at the firehouse has him running late.

You haven’t yet invited him to move in with you. That part you’re still hesitant on, mostly because of your son, but Benny helps you drop off Robbie at school and makes breakfast for you all whenever he stays over your apartment. Benny takes an interest in your son’s life and keeps up with all his energy, taking him to the park to run himself ragged before dinner, and helping you tuck him in at night.

Benny is a bit closed off though, the strong stoic type. He’s hard for you to get a read on, and sometimes you wonder if he’s just indulging you when you ramble on about your day or make silly jokes. Even now, sometimes you withhold the first thought that comes to your mind, hoping he doesn’t think you immature or…too much.

But Benny shows his caring in all those little things he does for you. They add up into the big things, and he makes you feel supported. He makes you feel safe.

He even helps you plan your son’s fifth birthday. Robbie wanted to go all out on a dinosaur theme; he’s been hooked on Jurassic Park ever since Benny “accidentally” let him watch it with him on one of your rare nights out with your friends.

So you set up a little party at the park by your apartment. You managed to reserve the biggest gazebo, where there are three picnic tables covered with dinosaur plates, and tablecloths, streamers in different shades of green. You even bought a big dinosaur cake—also in a radioactive green color that you hadn’t been sure about, but your son talked you into. Robbie thinks it’s awesome.

He’s running around on the playground with a few of his friends from school. Their parents (along with Sam, Eileen, and Lisa) are talking amongst themselves at one of the picnic tables while you try to figure out how to get the Bluetooth speaker to connect with your phone.

“Haha! Got it. If you're so smart, Alexa, why don't you connect on the first try?” You fist-pump the air triumphantly, just as Benny comes to your side. He wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your cheek, making you smile.

“How’s it going out there?” you ask, nodding at the kids. Plus Dean, who’s gamely been the one to keep them entertained with different games. Right now, it’s a thrilling game of Cowboys and Outlaws, where Robbie and his friends are the cowboys, and Dean is the outlaw. He’s been hiding under the slide, behind trees and other playground fixtures, while the kids have little squirt guns to pelt him with water every time they find him.

It's pretty damn cute, and you’ve been taking pictures. You smile at the sight of Dean leaping out at Robbie and the kids, catching them off guard.

“You’ll never take me alive, Sheriff!” Dean declares.

“Oh, it’s goin’,” Benny remarks with an amused shake of his head. “Still hard to believe that guy’s about to make it to Lieutenant.”

“Hahaaa, gotcha!!” Dean cackles. He’s grabbed up Robbie and yanked him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Robbie screeches with laughter while his dad runs around the playground, being chased by a bunch of five-year-olds with squirt guns.

Your smile threatens to make your cheeks hurt. You know your life is…unconventional, to say the least, but Dean is a good father to your son. He’s also been working hard at his job. He just took the Lieutenant’s test, and even though Benny already occupies that position at Firehouse 83, a spot at another firehouse might open up for Dean to transfer.

“Part of me doesn’t want to,” Dean admitted to you last week, while he was working on fixing your stubborn, leaky sink. “All the guys there, they’re like family, you know?” “I understand,” you nodded. “You have to do what feels best for you, whether that’s staying where you feel comfortable, or moving up in your career somewhere else. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.” He took in your advice with a slow nod. “Yeah, thanks. Guess I have to time to think about it. Lisa had other ideas.” “Of course,” you said with a smile, but it soon dropped. “Why, what did she say?” “Do what I can to move up,” he sighed. “She’s got a point. That title comes with a pay bump, one I could really use right now.” “I get that. Totally valid,” you said. “But I just think it’s important for you to be happy with it too. Especially with what you do, helping people, saving people…I’d imagine being in the right mindset for all that is important, right? Who you work with can be just as important as the money stuff.” Dean considered you with a smile. “Yeah, exactly.”

As you think about it now, you have to admit that he’s grown up a lot.

Dean has to lean against a tree to catch his breath. Am I already getting too old for this crap?

Feels kind of young to have a stitch in his side after a few rounds with these kids, but even he has his limits. Lisa comes to bring him a bottle of ice-cold water, which he appreciates. He’s tempted to dump it over his head like he does after successfully neutralizing a fire. It gets literally hot as hell under that helmet and mask and all his gear underneath.

“Need an iron lung?” Lisa teases.

“Toss in a new pair of knees, thanks,” he wheezes. He downs half the water bottle in one go, but he smiles at seeing his son keep running around with his friends. He’s just got that manic kid energy that goes on for days. But Robbie’s also smart; like Dean, he likes taking things apart and putting them back together in new and ingenious ways.

Dean hopes his son likes the new model car set that’s waiting for him on the picnic table full of presents. In fact, he’s still surprised that you didn’t go with the race car theme he suggested for the party, but apparently, Robbie’s more into dinosaurs now. Dean wishes he knew that before he bought the model car set.

He looks over and catches sight of you and Benny wrapped up in each other. He has his arm around your waist while you fiddle with something, but the way you lean over and whisper near his ear elicits a smile on Benny’s face.

Dean’s good mood diminishes.

“Well, don’t they seem cozy,” he mutters.

Lisa arches a manicured brow. “Yeah, pretty sure he’s getting ready to propose.”

That earns Dean’s attention, his head swiveling back to her in surprise.

“Really?” he asks. “Who told you that?”

“His sister,” she replies. “Meg’s in my intermediate class, remember?”

Dean nods, sipping at his water, even though he’s a bit absent in the eyes. Lisa watches him shrewdly.

“Why do you seem upset about it?” she asks. “Benny’s your friend.”

“I know,” Dean says. He doesn’t need that reminder, or the guilty twinge. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong.

“And she seems happy,” Lisa points out. “Don’t you want the mother of your kid to be with a good man who treats her right?”

He nods, trying to hide his growing annoyance. “‘Course I do. I just…I don’t know. I still don’t see them together, I guess.”

“Well, they’ve been together for like, two years.”

Again, Dean nods his acknowledgement. It’s hard for him to believe that so much time has passed already. He honestly didn’t think you and Benny would be together this long. He’d always felt a little uncomfortable with one of his best friends dating you, but you’d seemed happy about it, so he didn’t discourage it. But he’d never been very supportive, either. At least, not about your relationship.

Lisa sighs and grabs his arm, pulling him aside before he can rejoin the party.

“Listen, we need to talk about something,” she says.

Dean restrains a tired groan. “Can this wait ‘til later?”

“I think we should do this now,” she says. A hallmark Lisa-ism. She’s opinionated and strong-willed, something Dean’s always respected about her. Sometimes though, the timing is damn irritating. He doesn’t want to get into another argument with his girlfriend in public, especially not at his son’s birthday party.

“Speaking of commitment,” she says with a sigh. “I think it’s fair to say that we’ve been on a five-year rollercoaster, you and I. You know why that is?”

“I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Dean says, crossing his arms.

“It’s because you’re spread too thin,” she says. “Between the firehouse, construction jobs on the side…not to mention other things.”

“What? What’re you talking about?”

Lisa’s lips purse, before she pointedly gestures over at you with her eyes. “Well, for example. You’re still going to her place after your next shift to fix her fridge, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, should be pretty simple. I’ve just gotta swing by the hardware store and grab this specialty tool I ordered—”

“Dean,” Lisa deadpans. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.”

She heaves a deep breath, running her fingers through her long brown hair.

“I get that navigating this situation hasn’t been easy for you,” she says. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either, but look.”

Lisa takes his hands in hers, uncrossing his arms. “I want to get married someday. I want kids too. And I want that kind of life with you…I’m just not sure you want it with me.”

Dean expels a heavy sigh. “Lis—”

“Don’t answer me right now,” she says, but she levels him with a serious look. “You need to decide though, Dean. Five years is long enough. You should know by now if you want to be with me.”

After letting go of his hands, she softens the edges of her words with a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then she turns to join the group now gathered around the picnic table where the food is, all the kids cheering for pizza and cake.

After the party, Sam, Eileen, Lisa, and Benny pack up their cars and yours with the leftover food, party supplies, and presents. Dean helps you clean up the trash, all while keeping an eye on Robbie getting out the last of his sugar-high on the playground swing.

You shake your head tiredly, if with a fond smile. “That kid’s gonna be up all night hype on that radioactive cake.”

Dean chuckles. “You want me to take him tonight?”

“It’s okay. I think he’s going to want to play with his toys,” you reply.

“Well, he could just as easily do that at my place,” he reasons.

You consider it, but you shake your head. “Yeah, but we got him the bike. He’s probably gonna want to try it out for a few minutes before we get him cleaned up.”

“By ‘we,’ you mean you and Benny,” Dean says, his tone becoming surly. “And about that. Don’t you think a bike is something you should run by me? That’s typically a ‘dad’ kind of gift.”

You pause what you’re doing at the sound of his tone. Your brows knit together.

“Sorry, but I feel like a bike isn’t exclusively a dad thing,” you say.

“My dad got me my first bike,” Dean replies. “Spent a whole three days teaching me how to ride.”

You take a minute to think about it. You understand where Dean’s coming from, so you nod.

“Okay, I get it. You want to be there to help teach Robbie? I’m sure he’d love that.” 

Dean tosses a wadded-up ball of frosting-covered napkins and stops, letting his hands fall to his sides in frustration. He draws closer and helps you untie the balloons from the picnic table.

“Yeah, I do, but that’s not the point,” he says. “Why can’t I take him home tonight?”

You blink up at him in confusion. “Well, like I said. The bike—”

“That I should’ve gotten for him,” he snaps. “Which, let me guess, Benny picked out. Right?”

You frown at him in earnest now. “Dean, why are you getting so upset about it? It’s just a bike.”

“Well you know what, it’s not! And it’s not just the damn bike either.” He swipes a hand over his face in annoyance, a telltale sign you’ve come to read well on the man. “Look, I’m missing too much shit, all right? Like, like the dinosaur thing! And the fact that I only get him on the weekends.”

You turn toward him, trying to put a cap on your own annoyance. This isn’t the first time you two have had a conversation like this. 

“We’ve gone over this before, Dean. Your schedule at the firehouse is just too unpredictable,” you say. “Robbie needs as much stability as possible between us. But…okay, if you want to take him tonight, that’s fine. We can bring the bike over to your place and show it to him there.”

You’re trying to be as reasonable as possible, and Dean knows that. Still, anger prickles just under his skin, and he can’t help but push his luck.

“You still should’ve asked be before you got the bike in the first place,” he argues.

Your brows raise high. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Look, it’s not like we bought him a Honda Civic. Honestly, Dean, why are you picking a fight with me right now?” you ask. “Did you and Lisa get into it again or something?”

Dean looks away and crosses his arms, giving you all the confirmation you need.

“Yeah, that’s right,” you nod. “I saw you two over there on the playground, looked pretty heated. But do me a favor. Don’t come at me with that energy, because I’m too damn tired of it!”

When you walk away from him, Dean can’t help but stare after you. He knows he fucked that up, just as he knows that you don’t deserve him snapping at you. He’s just too irritated to admit it.

For the entire week that follows, Dean finds himself distracted. He sticks to his word and helps Benny teach his son how to ride a bike in between their shifts at the firehouse, but Dean comes home each night feeling even more frustrated and drained than before. It’s too much, knowing Benny’s slowly but surely carving out a father-figure role in Robbie’s life.

These thoughts follow Dean to work, even while he climbs up the firetruck ladder in the rain. It’s parallel to a busted utility pole that still sparks with electricity, even in this torrential downpour. His task is to get up to the top and grab a large branch that’s tangled in the lines.

Rung after rung, he climbs. His safety mask protects his eyes from the rain, but he wishes they had some mini windshield wipers to keep his vision clear of the droplets pelting him in the face.

He also can’t help thinking of you. If Lisa’s right, then Benny’s about to become a more permanent fixture in Robbie’s life, and yours. 

Okay fine. It’s not like Dean expected you to be single forever, but did you really have to get with one of his best friends? Does it really have to be Benny, who seems so natural with Robbie, and more patient than Dean, and more of a support to you and Robbie than Dean can ever be?

And then there’s Lisa’s little ultimatum. He understands why she’s frustrated with him. Honestly, he’s surprised she’s stuck around this long. He knows she’s not going to wait too much longer for him to get his act together. For him to decide, as she put it.

It’s not that he’s not sure about her, it’s just that…

Just that what? he wonders.

He manages to grab the wily tree branch and maneuver it out of the power lines. 

He just doesn’t realize that his glove doesn’t have quite enough friction on the metal side panel of the ladder. Not only does his hand slip, but he’s forced to let go of the branch while he loses his balance. The branch falls to the sidewalk, far, far down below.

“Dean!” Benny shouts in alarm.

Luckily, the truck itself breaks Dean's fall.

Holding Robbie’s hand tightly in yours is the only thing keeping you steady as you lead him through the hospital. After the receptionist had checked you both in and gave you the room number, you hastened down the hall and up to the right floor. 2005.

Robbie breaks into tears when he finally gets to see his dad, laid up though he is in his hospital bed. Your throat tightens at the sight of Dean hooked up to all those monitors. He has his arm wrapped up and fitted into a sling. He has a thick piece of gauze taped to the side of his face, covering a wide, angry abrasion, but he seems to be resting easy on his back. The bed is at an incline, with most of the overhead lights turned off.

Robbie rushes to the bed before you can stop him. He hesitantly touches Dean’s non-injured right hand. “Daddy?”

“Robbie, wait,” you say, keeping your voice quiet. You quickly go over to the bedside and grab ahold of Robbie’s shoulders, but Dean takes a deep breath. His eyelids crack open.

“Hey, buddy,” he says, attempting a smile. His voice is rough and weak, but at least he’s awake.

Robbie’s lower lip wobbles as tears fill his eyes again.

“Come ‘ere,” Dean says, a little stronger. When he reaches out to his son, the kid hops up onto the bed and buries his face into his father’s chest. Dean holds him as securely as he can, soothing his hand over the boy’s hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s okay, little man. ‘M okay,” he promises. Robbie nods, but he still continues to cry.

You can’t help but do the same. Tears slip down your cheeks without your consent. Dean beckons you over too, gesturing with his chin and a slight smile. You’re more tentative in the way you sit down at the edge of his bed. You run your fingers through Robbie’s light brown hair to help reassure him. Then, you meet Dean’s gaze and lay a hand on his good shoulder. You don’t know whether you’re steadying him, or yourself.

“How do you feel?” you ask. “The hospital called me. Benny told me what happened.”

The thought reminds you to text your boyfriend. You hadn’t had a chance to tell him you made it here yet. He must be downstairs grabbing a bite to eat, because he’s the one who rode with Dean in the ambulance and has been with him for a while.

“The hospital called you?” Dean notes in slight confusion.

“Eileen told me that Sam is in court right now, so I must’ve been next on the list,” you say. He also must have taken Lisa off his emergency list the last time they broke up for almost a month. He probably forgot to update it again.

You reach out a hand to almost touch the bandage by his temple. Instead, you hesitantly hold the side of his face to see the area better. Dean closes his eyes for a moment. You can see he’s in pain. Your hand lingers on his cheek, but you know, deep down, that it shouldn’t.

Dean doesn’t stop you though. He lets out a deep breath, savoring how nice the gentle touch feels when the rest of his body feels battered to hell.

“Fell off the ladder. Was a stupid rookie move,” he explains, but when he sees that look on your face, he tries to inject a little more joking into a smile. “S’ not so bad.”

“You could’ve broken your head as well as your arm,” you say, more sharply than you mean to.

Robbie whimpers and clings tighter to Dean. You cover your mouth, as if you can trap the words back inside. You don’t want to upset your son more than he already is, so you fall silent. Another tear works its way down your cheek, but you brush it away. Dean shakes his head.

“Hey, I’m okay,” he reassures you too. He manages to smile as he pats Robbie’s back. “Right, buddy?”

The boy’s head perks up. His eyes are still shiny, but he smiles too. He’s not one to speak when he’s upset though, so he just curls up against Dean’s chest and hangs onto him. Dean rests his good arm snugly around him.

You smile and stroke Robbie’s back. Though your hand lowers, resting on Dean’s hand. You take in a deep breath to calm yourself down. Dean’s fingers curl around yours, prompting you to glance up into his eyes. The way he’s watching you is soft, grateful.

Until the door creaks open. Benny steps in with a subtle clearing of his throat. You jolt internally, and you slip your hand away from Dean’s. You offer your boyfriend a wan smile.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hey, baby.” He comes over and greets you with a kiss to the side of your head. He smiles at your son gently. “The gang’s all here.”

“Oh! Let me call Sam, and Lisa too. They still don’t know what’s going on,” you say. You get up from the bed to grab your phone out of your purse. Dean nods in agreement and thanks you, while Robbie plays with his dad's long fingers.

“How you holdin’ up, brother?” Benny asks, after you step out of the room. He settles into the chair near the foot of the bed.

“Ah, you know me. I’m like a cat. Always stick the landing,” Dean says, smiling lazily. The morphine is starting to kick in again.

Benny smirks. “Maybe you do got nine lives, the amount of close calls you like gettin’ yourself into.”

Dean’s good humor fades. He considers his son in his arms, and he shakes his head.

“Yeah, well, no more,” he says. He got a taste of what it would be like to leave his boy behind, and he’s not fucking doing it. He’s not leaving you to raise Robbie by yourself. The mere idea tears a new hole in his heart.

His eyes sting just enough that he has to blink a bit harder, swallowing past a thick well of emotion in his throat. He presses another kiss to the top of Robbie’s head. Then, Dean meets Benny’s gaze.

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it.

Benny nods.

“You got it, brother.”

When Lisa steps off the hospital elevator on the second floor, you happen to be coming out of the bathroom to fix your racoon eyes. You’ve been crying way too much. You attempt to greet Lisa with something reassuring, but she cuts you off. 

“What happened, and why didn’t the hospital call me directly?” she asks.

Her tone is cutting, and it takes you aback.

“Well, Sam and I were listed as his emergency contacts—”

“Why?” she snaps. “You’re not his wife or his girlfriend. I should’ve been listed.”

Jesus Christ. At this point, you can’t help it. You’re too tired and emotionally drained to lasso in your temper with this woman.

“Maybe if you and Dean stayed together longer than five minutes at a time, he’d put you back on the short list,” you sling back. “But the truth is, you’ve never just…been there for Dean. Not without demanding something from him.”

Lisa scoffs incredulously. “Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you. You’re the reason he can’t commit to anything. You think your little world is the only one that matters, and you call Dean for any little thing! What, don’t you have a boyfriend to help fix your goddamn sink?” 

You open your mouth to retort, but you pause as her words seep into your mind. She might actually have a small point about that one. You realize then just how often you’ve been asking Dean for his help, not just with your apartment, but with your car, and other logistical things that usually have to with Robbie. Dean’s just such a good handyman, and you thought he genuinely liked being able to help…even though Benny did mention once or twice that he’d be just as happy to help you.

“Lisa, this is a lot more than a leaky sink. I just wanted to get here with Robbie and make sure Dean was okay,” you try to explain.

“Good. I’m glad his son was the first person Dean got to see when he woke up,” Lisa says. “But I should’ve been the second.”

She brushes past you before you can even think of what to say. You’re in a state of shock, feeling guilty, incensed, and on the verge of tears all at once.

A familiar voice calls your name, and you turn to Benny just as those tears begin to fall. He gathers you up into his arms and holds you there in the middle of the hallway.

“She shouldn’t talk to you like that, no matter how high tensions are today. I’ll talk to Dean,” Benny says. You shake your head and bury your face in his chest, clenching your fingers in his red flannel shirt. 

“No, it’s okay,” you reply, despite the sob that shudders through you. You’ve lost the will to fight.

Benny shakes his head and presses a kiss to your forehead. “It ain’t okay, baby.”

“Please, don’t bother Dean with this. Especially not right now,” you say. You take a moment to wipe your eyes and get ahold of yourself. “I’m gonna go get Robbie so Dean can rest.”

You can’t shake the feeling that Lisa is right. You do rely on Dean too much. You just don’t want to think about why that is.

Dean makes a full recovery after a few months. He never does hear about what happened in that hallway, but he knows that things need to change. 

He decides to dig out his mom’s engagement ring from a locked box of his parents’ keepsakes, though he’s still waiting on the right time for it. He and Lisa start looking at houses though, for real this time. She hires a realtor and everything. 

He’s making a firm decision, and he thinks it’s the right one. He wants to be there for his son, but he doesn’t want to keep “spreading himself too thin.” He has to figure out how to set some roots, and some boundaries with you while he’s at it. He’ll just have to come to terms with the idea that he won’t get to be there for everything. 

He has to be okay with the fact that you’ll probably marry Benny. You’ll keep making him cookies and cakes, giving him your smile and your time and your body. And Robbie will probably think of Benny as more of a father than his own Weekend Dad. 

Meanwhile, you’ve spent the past few months keeping yourself in check as well. You’ve stopped calling Dean for help whenever something breaks down in your old-ass apartment. You try to keep your conversations less about life and troubles and whatever funny thing your students did that day in class, and more focused on Robbie–strictly about his schedule and his needs.

It’s kind of painful, if you’re honest with yourself. Sam will always be one of your closest friends from college, but in the past five years, Dean has truly become your best friend. Because you’ve told him things. The things that come from sharing a child with someone, like Sunday dinners with your parents, flipping through old yearbooks and childhood pictures—and the details of day-to-day schedules and little stupid things that happen in moments between moments.

Dean also knows the deep cuts. Like being pregnant and scared and breaking down crying on the side of the road. Like sharing the deepest well of your insecurities with someone who knows your body intimately, even if just for one amazing night...a night you’ve never quite been able to put out of your mind.

However, you know that things can’t stay the same. From now on, he just needs to be your son’s father. Nothing more, nothing less. 

So today, on a crisp April 24th, you’re getting ready for a highly anticipated evening with your boyfriend. Robbie is sleeping over your parents’ house, and Benny has been planning something special for your third-year anniversary. 

You slip into your new dress, a deep emerald green, with a pair of black heels you’ve rarely worn since before you got pregnant. Come to think of it, you were wearing these the night of Sam and Eileen’s bachelor-bachelorette party. The night you…well, the night Robbie was conceived. 

You shake your head to rid yourself of those thoughts. You even consider changing. 

You’re being silly, you shake your head. They’re just shoes. 

And yet. Thinking of that time so long ago, it reminds you of a recent Sunday dinner at your parents’ house.

Two Months Ago...

Your parents live modestly, but comfortably in rural Kansas. Their ranch-style home boasts a creek in the backyard, where your dad is teaching your son how to catch minnows. Your mom is inside working on an apple pie, knowing it’s both Dean’s and Robbie’s favorite.

You and Dean have kept close to the house under the shade, sitting on a bench made more comfortable by a pair of old polyester cushions with red, faded flowers.

“How much longer do you have to wear that?” you ask Dean. He glances down at his cast-covered left arm.

“Doc says it’s about ready to come off,” he says.

You nod, allowing yourself a certain smile. “How bad are you itching to grab my mom’s garden shears and cut it off right here?”

“Woman, don’t tempt me,” he says, his lips twitching at a grin. “I’ve been eying those overgrown scissors for the past half hour.”

You laugh and take another sip of your glass. Yours holds sweet tea, while Dean’s has some of your dad’s favorite whiskey. You both raise your heads when Robbie yells across the backyard.

“I caught a minnow!”

“Good job, buddy,” Dean grins. “See if you can catch a marlin!”

“A marlin?” Robbie questions.

“Yeah, like that orange guy in Finding Nemo,” Dean calls back.

Your dad gives Dean the same wry look you do, though yours is tinged with more amusement.

“Dean, that’s a clown fish,” you say. “He’s not gonna find that in the creek.”

“Aw, shit,” he tries to quiet his laugh. “Ah well, should keep him occupied for another twenty minutes.”

You bite your lip to stifle your laughter as well. Though something else occurs to you the longer you watch your son play and explore in the creek. Your dad has the patience of a saint as he puts yet another bait worm on the hook for the kid.

“He’s starting to ask questions, you know,” you tell Dean, in a quieter voice. “‘Why aren’t you and Daddy married? Why can’t we all live together?’”

Dean's brows raise. His good humor dims when he looks over at you.

“What do you tell him?” he asks.

You take in a deep breath, considering your words now as carefully as you did with your son.

“That we care about each other a lot, as friends,” you say, meeting Dean’s eyes. “And we love Robbie very much. Nothing’s going to change that, even if you and I aren’t together like a normal mom and dad.”

Saying it like that makes your heart twinge, for more than one reason. The way Dean’s mouth twitches into a rueful smile just makes it worse, but you try your best to ignore it.

“I never thought about having to explain it to him,” he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

It’s that anxious tell of his again. You notice every time he does it.

“I have,” you admit. “I just didn’t know for sure what I was going to say until it was coming out of my mouth.”

Dean smirks a little. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”

You roll your eyes and sip your drink, crossing your arms as well. Dean considers you then, looking at you in a way that makes you raise a brow in question.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, it’s just…” He sits back against the bench and rubs his hands down his jean-clad thighs. “For the record, I did try to ask you out once.”

“What?” you scoff incredulously. “No, you’ve been with Lisa since the beginning.”

“Before Lisa,” Dean says.

He isn’t joking. He isn’t teasing. He’s serious as he stares back at you with those green eyes of his. Your brows furrow as you wrack your brain. Did he drunkenly leave you a voicemail on one of those “off again” episodes between him and Lisa? No. You know you’d remember something like that.

“It was a few weeks after the bachelor party,” Dean says. “I called you up, remember?”

Your eyes widen. Finally, that jogs your memory.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition.

You have to laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Dean, you did not ask me out,” you say. “You wanted to hook up. There’s a distinct difference.”

Dean frowns at you. “No, I was. I invited you over—”

“For essentially some Netflix and chill,” you retort.

“Hey, I offered to make you dinner,” he argues. “I didn’t say anything about hooking up.”

You pause at that. His earnest denial makes you actually think back to what you remember about that conversation on the phone.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition. “I could make us some burgers, toss in a couple of beers and a movie night,” he adds.

You cover your lips with your fingers as you begin to realize…

“That was you asking me out?” you ask incredulously.

Dean’s brows furrow and he throws his hands up. “What? Who doesn’t like a little movie night?”

“Dean,” you huff another laugh. “You could’ve made it sound more like a date.”

“Well, ‘scuse me. Sorry I couldn’t afford the Ritz at the time,” he grumbles.

You sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”

The more you think about it, the more you just shake your head at yourself. Why did you have to overthink it, like you do everything?

“Wow,” you say, softer and more contrite. “I honestly never thought…”

“Yeah,” he says. He shifts his gaze out ahead.

You glance over at him, now more unsure of yourself. He wouldn’t have any regrets, you think. He has Lisa. As much as they go at it, they always inevitably get back together. And now you know they hired a realtor. They’re about to start making solid steps forward.

But Dean surprises you with another question.

“Do you think if…”

He doesn’t finish it, but you think you know what he’s asking. You hesitate, your fingers flexing around your glass that beads with condensation. You set the glass down beside you. 

Just as you open your mouth to reply—

“All right, pie is cooling and dinner is served!” your mom calls out. Her head pokes out of the sliding glass door to the backyard. You offer a smile, trying to hide how you jolted in your seat.

“Okay, thanks, Mom,” you nod.

You turn back to Dean, who also hesitates. His eyes meet yours, but all too soon, he locks the moment away.

Bracing his hands on his knees, he rocks to his feet and goes out to get Robbie and help your dad bring in the fishing gear.

You grab Dean’s whiskey along with your tea on your way back inside the house. You consider the amber liquid disturbed in his glass, and you down the rest yourself. The burn down your throat is a good distraction. If he asks about it, you’ll say you got the glasses confused.

You know you’ll have to leave that conversation unfinished at the foot of the bench.

Now...

Benny comes by your apartment and helps you into the passenger side of his pickup truck, like the gentleman he is. He takes you to a nice restaurant in downtown, much nicer than the usual sports bar or kid-friendly restaurant. You're very much looking forward to eating at a restaurant that doesn't feature chicken fingers or "kiddie" corn dogs.

“This is gonna be really expensive,” you whisper to him, after he hands his keys over to the valet. 

Benny squeezes your hand in his, leaning over to kiss your temple. 

“Don’t you worry about that. We both deserve a night out.” His blue eyes gleam with amusement. However, his gaze gentles, becoming more sincere. “You work hard, carin’ for everybody around you. How about you let me take care of you for once.”

Your eyes begin to water, your throat constricting with emotion. You rub his arm gratefully.

“Thank you,” you say. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.” 

It’s always easy with Benny. Nice and simple and easy. Nice, supportive, and considerate.

Nice and safe.

That thought follows you while you and Benny walk into to the restaurant. He’s reserved great seats in the back corner, overlooking a beautiful courtyard. It’s decorated with hydrangeas and light wood dining tables, all framed with a rod iron archway as the sun begins to set just so. After holding your chair out for you before he sits himself, Benny orders a bottle of champagne to kick things off.

He turns to you with a somewhat nervous look in his eyes, like he's steeling himself. It’s uncharacteristic of Benny, who’s always so calm and charming and sure of himself. It makes a zing of anticipation run down your spine, and…a dash of fear. You don’t know why, and you don’t know how to beat the feeling down as you fidget in your seat.

He subtly clears his throat, then takes your hand. “Sweetheart, I know I’m not all that good at the words you’re supposed to say. But I can say that the past three years with you and Robbie, it’s come to mean the world to me.”

Your smile softens. He brushes his thumb over the back of your hand, encouraged by your reaction.

“So I think it’s time I made it clear where I stand, and how much I want to be the man in your life,” he says.

Your eyes begin to widen in shock, but not for the reason he thinks.

“Dean,” you gasp.

Benny’s expression slackens. “What?”

You point over his shoulder, and Benny turns to follow your line of vision. Dean and Lisa have just walked into the restaurant. They notice you pointing their way, and they both pause in surprise as well. Lisa is beautiful as usual in a slinky black dress, completely backless (something you feel you could never pull off, unless you had an invisible bra to keep the girls perked up).

Dean is…well, you’ve very rarely seen him in a suit, but charcoal gray works for him. The open collar and white buttoned-down works for him, as do the three top buttons he’s left undone, showing a tantalizing strip of tanned skin. He stares back at you like he forgot you live in the same time zone, let alone the same zip code.

“Uh, hey!” he casts out an awkward wave, before he makes his way over to you and Benny. Lisa is less than enthused.

“We shouldn’t interrupt their night,” you catch her whisper to him, but Dean doesn’t seem to hear her.

“What’s up, party people! Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh?” Dean says, a little too loudly when he thumps Benny on the back. Benny grunts, giving a bit of a forced chuckle.

“Dean,” he greets. “I think I told you about this particular gin joint. Good to see you can actually clean up once in a while.”

“Ah, you know what, this monkey suit ain’t too bad,” Dean says, pulling at his collar.

You smirk in amusement. “Yeah, I remember how much you complained about wearing a simple tie for Robbie’s Christmas pageant.”

He smirks down at you. “Hey, ties still might not be my thing, but nothing wrong with a sharp collar.”

He pops his for emphasis. You don’t know why it makes you laugh, but it does. Maybe it’s just his face and the silly, endearing expression he makes when he pouts his lips in a “blue steel.”

“So, is this just a night out, or you guys celebrating something special?” Dean asks, gesturing at the champagne bottle and your full glasses of bubbly.

Benny gives his friend a certain look. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. Today’s three years.”

He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. You smile back at him, though you’re a bit self-conscious at the way both he and Dean, and even Lisa have their attention on you.

“We should let you guys get back to it then,” Lisa says.

Honestly, it’s a relief. You and Benny nod, wishing them a goodnight.

For some reason, you notice how Dean’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But he goes with Lisa, laying a hand on the small of her back. You force yourself to tear your eyes away from them and refocus on Benny. You take up your champagne glass and raise it in offering.

“All right, where were we?” you ask, if with a nervous trill in your belly.

Benny smiles. He takes up his glass and clinks it with yours.

Lisa nearly sighs. She and Dean are back in line at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. The second time she catches Dean glancing over at the table where you and Benny sit, she shakes her head and digs into her purse for the valet card. She’s done with this.

“I think maybe we should go to a different restaurant,” she says.

That finally earns Dean’s attention, mostly confused. “What, why?”

She just gives him a long look.

He realizes that whatever her reasons are, it’s easier to just give in than to fight her on it. He’s learning when to pick his battles. Or is he just giving up?

Also, if tonight’s “the night” he thinks it is for you and Benny, maybe he doesn’t want to stick around after all. Three years, huh?

“All right, fine. Let’s go,” he agrees.

Dean and Lisa wait for the valet to bring the Impala around. The minute he gets behind the wheel and turns the key into the ignition, she changes her mind.

“Look, let’s just go home,” she says. “I don’t really feel like eating out anymore.”

Dean’s brows raise. “What? Aw, come on. We’re already dressed and everything. You look great, Lis. Just tell me where you wanna eat.”

Lisa remains firm, with a small shake of her head. “Please, Dean, just take me home.”

After a moment of indecision, Dean sighs. He revs the ignition and does as she says.

It’s only a fifteen-minute drive back to their apartment, but in that stifling silence, it seems to drag on for a small eternity. He glances at her a couple of times. Lisa has her arms crossed as she stares out the window, watching the other restaurants and mom-and-pops shops and forest trees and old houses of Lebanon, Kansas go by.

Dean counts it a blessing when they’re finally home. He walks up the few short steps up to their ground-floor apartment and unlocks the door. He flicks on the lights inside, and she breezes past him to toss her purse onto the couch.

Dean takes off his blazer and begins to undo the buttons on his cuffs. He watches her all the while, knowing that a storm is brewing. She shucks off her heels and slowly paces the living room on bare feet, like her whirling thoughts are fueling every step.

“All right, I give. What’s going on?” Dean asks. “What’d I do this time?”

She pauses, with her back turned to him.

Shit, he thinks. He shouldn’t have said it like that.

He prepares for the inevitable blow up, but it never comes. Lisa just heaves a sigh. Slowly she turns, and Dean’s shocked and dismayed to see the tears welling up in her deep brown eyes. He makes quick strides toward her, but she raises a hand to keep him at bay.

“Dean, when you picture yourself happy, truly happy,” she says. “Is it with me? Can you imagine yourself marrying me? Buying the house, having kids, growing old together?”

If Dean was thrown for a loop before, he’s even more stunned by her question. “Lis…”

“Just be honest, for once,” she pleads. Her tears begin to brim over, but she blinks, somehow keeping them at bay.

It’s a bit too long before Dean realizes that he can’t give her an answer. At least, not the one he knows she wants to hear.

When he thinks of that picture in his mind, of course he sees his son. But the only other person Dean can imagine there beside him is…

“I…” He wills his mouth to work, but nothing else comes out.

The only face he can conjure is yours. Your eyes are warm and welcoming, your smile as bright and contagious as your laugh.

The only voice he can hear is yours, gentle and strong at the same time.

The only one he can see is you.

He knows the shampoo you use and the perfume you like to wear, how the sweet and floral scents mix together and linger in your hair and on your skin.

Even now he remembers the contours of your body, and how it could fit so well against his. He knows that you used to try and hide your shape under loose, baggy shirts and cargo pants that did nothing for you. He knows how much courage it took you to wear that red dress to his brother’s party, because you told him once, at one of those Sunday dinners at your parents’ house.

Come to think of it, there’s not a whole lot that Dean doesn’t know about you, except maybe what you see when you look at him.

“You love her,” Lisa finishes for him. “I think you always have.”

Dean’s throat tightens. Somehow he swallows anyway, and he shakes his head. 

“Lisa, I loved you.”

“Maybe you did, in your own way,” she says, laughing a little through her tears as she wipes them away. “But you already have a family, Dean. Go fight for it.” 

Dean doesn’t know what to say, but he knows what he can do.

He goes to her and kisses her cheek. 

“I’m so sorry,” he says. 

Lisa merely nods, wiping her face dry. She watches Dean Winchester walk out of her apartment, and out of her life for good this time. 

Dean calls your cell, but it goes to voicemail. He drives all the way back to the restaurant and doesn’t find you or Benny there. 

Dean realizes that what he’s doing, what he plans to do, is not fucking cool. He wouldn’t blame you or even Benny for being severely pissed when Dean shows up. He also knows that he can’t let another day pass where he keeps lying to you, and himself. 

He eventually finds you at home. What’s weird is that Benny’s truck isn’t in the driveway—just your car. He knocks on your door, and he waits.

He unconsciously holds his breath while he waits in that terrible existence of limbo. However, his heart thrums back to life when he hears your footsteps drawing closer to the door. Anticipation, excitement, dread, it all roils together inside him like a bad cocktail as the door swings open.

And he’s once again rendered a bit breathless at the sight of you in that dress. The color alone appeals to him, let alone the way it accentuates your every curve, from full breasts to the swell of your hips, the softer slope of your thighs, and bare toes painted. You’re fucking delectable, every curve, and a temptation without you even meaning to be. 

You’re just…you’re still so goddamn beautiful, like the night he first saw you. Even now, he can almost feel the give of your thighs under his hands, his fingers pressed to supple flesh. 

But then he’s drawn to your face, and your wide eyes full of surprise. Your mascara is a bit smudged though. Your eyes are red too, like you’ve been crying. His brows furrow in concern.

“Dean, what’re you doing here?” you ask.

“I need to talk to you, but uh…did something happen?” he asks. “You okay?”

You’re reluctant to tell him. Did Benny say something to upset you? Or was it something he did?

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say.

Instinctively, Dean knows it’s a lie.

“This isn’t a good time though,” you say, after clearing your throat. “Can we do this tomorrow, maybe?”

Dean leans a hand on the doorframe.

“Please, it’s important,” he says. His eyes implore you harder than his words. Please.

That does it. A sigh passes through your lips, but you let him in. He knows Robbie is with your parents for the night, which actually makes this easier.

Once he steps inside the apartment, Dean does notice that your bedroom door is open. Half the drawers to your dresser are open too, and empty. Certain frames that used to be on your coffee table are no longer there, like the one of you, Benny, and Robbie on a camping trip. 

“You want some coffee, or soda?” you ask. 

Dean declines and grasps your arm before you can busy yourself into “hostess” mode. He leads you to the couch, where you both sit down together.

“What happened tonight?” he asks. “Where’s Benny?”

Your lower lip wobbles, the beginning of your telltale cry face. Dean knows his son gets it from you, and it always breaks his heart. He squeezes your arm gently, trying to ground you.

“Benny proposed to me tonight,” you confess, taking in a sharp breath. “He proposed, and I couldn’t give him an answer.” 

You shake your head as the tears sting hot in your eyes. 

“He got so upset, he just—he left!” You throw your hands up. “But honestly, I don’t blame him.”

Dean tries to comfort you as you try and fail to wipe at your face. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, cupping your cheek to brush the tears away himself. 

“Why couldn’t you answer him?” he asks. 

You look up at Dean, and you finally notice the shine of hope in his eyes. Dean touches your cheek more tenderly. 

“Does it mean I have a chance here?” he asks.

Despite what your eyes tell you, you still gape at him in shock. “What? But…what about Lisa?”

“It’s over. For good this time,” Dean shakes his head. “I realized what I wanted for my life, and where my heart is…”

And he chuckles weakly. “Truth is, you’ve had it the whole time, sweetheart.”

You begin to crumble all over again. You pull away from him and his touch, because you can’t believe it. You cover your face with your hands, sniffling as you try to make sense of his words, his touch, and the warm flutter threatening to brim happiness in your heart.

“God, Dean. You can't just..."

"I mean it," he insists.

You're still reluctant to take him seriously...no matter how much you want to. It's a conflicting realization that hurts, and makes you feel stupid for taking so long to figure it out, and makes you hate yourself for hoping his words are true.

"Come the morning, you’re going to change your mind,” you reason, without looking at him. “Like you’ve done with Lisa a thousand times.”

“No,” Dean says firmly. He shifts closer and prompts you to look at him, really look at him.

“Not about this, and you know it,” he says, catching and holding your gaze. “That’s why you couldn’t say yes to Benny. Because you know what we’ve got. It’s the real deal.”

You still look uncertain, even though you can’t bring yourself to pull away this time. Dean has always had this way of looking into the very depths of you, like he can actually see every thought as it passes through your mind.  

“I should’ve said yes,” you say. “I can rely on Benny. I know he would stay by my side, and…and I know he won’t hurt me.”

Not like I’ve just hurt him, you think. Guilt still pricks at your heart. The last thing you ever wanted to do was lead him on, and yet, that’s what you’d done, wasn’t it? You thought you had loved him. You’re sure that you did, but maybe it just wasn’t the kind of love that could reach down deep and grab you, set your blood on fire, and make you ache when the burn was gone.

That spark licks across your skin when Dean takes your hands.  

“What if I want to be that guy for you,” he says.

You allow yourself to look at him. Really look at him.

You know Dean. When he gets an idea in his head, it inhabits every bone and shred of muscle in his body. There’s no mistaking his resolve, or the steady grip of his hands over yours.

“If you let me, I’ll stay. I won’t leave you,” he says. In his eyes, there’s a firm promise. “I can be the guy you rely on. The man you can trust. The man who’s gonna love you, come whatever. Because now I know what it means. I know how it feels.”

You bite your lower lip against the smile that wants to surface.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

Dean smiles for you. “If you wanna know the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been loving you since the day I heard Robbie’s heartbeat for the first time.” 

Your tears flow harder at that. A shaky breath escapes you, though it does nothing to steady you. Dean strokes your cheek gently with his thumb. 

“Please, just give me this one chance,” he asks. Begs, really. 

He doesn’t have to though. You nod, just a little. 

“Okay,” you agree. “Let’s try.”

Dean's smile spreads slow, but warm across his face. It’s your favorite kind, the kind that crinkles his eyes. 

He leans in and claims your lips with his own. The passion of it is familiar, but you don't think it’s the same as five years ago. Now, there’s an underlying note of tenderness in his touch and each new way he tastes you deeper. He holds nothing back this time, and neither do you. 

Your fingers tangle in his shirt, and then in his hair as you moan into his mouth. “Dean.”

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he answers against your lips, though he doesn’t give you much room to keep talking.

You haven’t heard him call you sweetheart in a long time. You feel your heart knitting back together, stitch by stitch. Tears sting in your eyes anew, but you squeeze your eyes shut against them.

“I…”

You can’t even continue the breathless thought. You hold his face desperately between your hands, pressing your forehead to his for a moment as you both catch your breath. But this man is like the sweetest, most seductive vice. Now that you’ve gotten another hit, you can’t resist. You no longer want to.

His arms wrap around you more securely, and he leans in to lure you back into his kiss. His tongue breaches past your lips to curl along yours with tantalizing strokes. His hands slowly move down your back and along your waist.

“Mmm, missed the hell outta this,” he groans into your mouth. Your heart flutters again at the way he holds you, the way his big hands squeeze you and feel you.

You let him guide you down onto the sofa cushions. He slots himself between your bare thighs and runs his hand up familiar smooth skin, bunching the skirt of your dress higher as he goes. He aims to get himself reacquainted with every soft part of you that welcomes him back.

For once, the gates around your hearts swing free. 

Dean never imagined that his own son would hand him the ring he gives to his wife, but today, it just feels like symmetry. He grins and winks at Robbie.

“Thanks, buddy,” Dean says.

His son’s beaming grin is wide and toothy, but the boy takes his job very seriously and delivers the other ring to you. You smile brightly and caress his cheek after you take the shining, white gold band from him. It matches the thinner band that Dean has for you; it'll soon join the engagement ring that once belonged to his mother.

Robbie had liked Benny a lot, but he loves his dad. He’s probably the happiest person in the room to see his parents take each other’s hands in front of the minister. 

Benny is understandably absent in the chapel today. You had met with him after that night of your botched anniversary to apologize to him, and so had Dean. Benny understood. He’d admitted that in the back of his mind, he feared this might happen.

“I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me,” you said to him. “You can even hate me if you want.” Benny gave you a wry, melancholy sort of smile. “Part of me’s still mad at you, I won’t lie…but there’s no use in it. Not even hating you.”

Even though Benny bowed out, carrying his hurt and his grief on those broad shoulders, letting you go meant letting go of a friend too. He put in his paperwork to transfer out of Firehouse 83.

As he’d told Dean himself that day, and in fact, the last words Benny said to him…

“There you go, Lieutenant. A spot’s just opened up.”

Dean didn’t want to get promoted this way. He felt guilty enough as it was, and not just for Benny leaving the firehouse. Benny recommended Dean to the Chief himself though, saying that if they were going to give someone a Lieutenant’s badge, it may as well be the guy who got a perfect score on his test, and had the natural leadership skills to boot.

To the end, Benny was a gentleman.

Now, Sam beckons his nephew over. Robbie quickly goes to his uncle’s side and puffs his little chest out as he stands proud behind his dad. 

Dean is able to take you in, your beautiful white dress, and everything about you that makes him smile…including the way you smile back at him.

Man and wife is all he hears. It’s all he needs to hear, before he’s pulling you closer by your newly anointed hand. He dips you for a thorough kiss in front of all your family and friends. 

You squeal in surprise, making Dean smile hard enough for his cheeks to hurt. Giggling hard enough to make you tremble, you raise a hand to caress his cheek. But you give him another real kiss after he guides you back up to your feet.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips. The words are just for him to hear. Dean pulls back enough to see the truth shining in your eyes. Beautiful.

“Can’t help it, right?” he teases. 

You smile in amusement, but you grab his chin and shake it. 

“You got me,” you reply. “I really, really can’t.”

Your beaming smile softens. Even though the entire room is clapping and hooting and hollering in celebration, in that moment, all you really see is Dean. 

Here in his arms, you know that this is where you were meant to end up. From now on, it’s where you’re meant to be.

AN: From Lisa and Benny to Robbie and everything in between. Dean and the reader certainly aren't perfect in this, but what do you think about how their story unfolded? I truly hope you guys enjoy this one, because I've had so much fun with it. 🥰❤️❤️‍🔥

**As a reminder, One More Day (Dean x Latina Plus-Sized!Reader) comes out on 4/04 - the day after my birthday!~

Until then, please let me know what you thought of If I Stay! 😘 I might write more for these two in the future...

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?"

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@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007 @mostlymarvelgirl @kaleldobrev

@globetrotter28 @midnightmadwoman @chevroletdeanwrites @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @0ccvltism

@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl

@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx

@mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @cheynovak @jollyhunter

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad

@kmc1989 @siampie @rubyvhs @masked-lost-girl @spnbabe67

@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @supernotnatural2005 @redhoodieone

[ckret2]

I'm now hopelessly enamored with your Aku hcs... do you have any more? Are you interested in Jack/Aku - is that something that could even work out?

Oh boy do I ever. This is 1/2 headcanons and 1/2 extreme elaboration/extrapolation from canon info.

I'm gonna put this under a read more with a ✨table of contents✨ both so I remember what's under here and so anyone who's only intrigued by one or two of these can skip the rest.

Aku's literally a tree, like not as a meme joke, he's a tree

You make an Aku with a tree+darkness+poison+fire+arrow+curse

That's the reason the future, although devastated, isn't deforested

"Samurai Jack & Powerpuff Girls are the same universe and Aku is Chemical X" is the oldest headcanon in the fandom but I have it too. That tree is Mojo's dad. He'll also accept credit for Buttercup.

Lulu, sweet thing

Aku sorta remembers being a space blob but his life/identity didn't "start" until the poison flaming arrow

Aku likes techno music. He has solo dance parties.

Aku doesn't have any friends

here's a list of Aku's friends

Aku could have friends

Here's what Aku's attracted to (idk what Aku's attracted to)

Aku's a total homebody, he doesn't wanna go places and do stuff, he wants to sit at home in his castle and rule his one planet.

Before Jack, Aku was genuinely super happy. Like this: ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻

Aku would have the same emotional reaction to doing good things as good people have to being forced to do evil

Aku's actually very polite. This isn't even a headcanon, it's just an intrigued observation of canon.

I'll answer the Jack/Aku question in another post because my god this one is long enough already.

1. I know we make plenty of "lol aku's a tree" jokes but like, I headcanon he's literally a tree. As in the forest of suspiciously tree-shaped spikes he came from was ACTUALLY, in some biological sense, a hideous mutation of trees. Some tree got The Ooze™ on it and that was the basis of Aku long before magic poisons got involved. If you say "don't think just answer what are you made out of and you can't say 'evil' or 'darkness'" Aku would say "wood." He still considers himself a tree. When he's in his default form his "skin" feels like bark. Evil bark.

2. beyond just a tree, in a magical sense Aku is "made of" Pure All-Consuming Darkness, trees, poison, fire, an arrow, & a curse. These are his component parts. This is what you need to create him. The official Aku Recipe. He wouldn't exist if any of these parts had been missing in his creation. Is it any wonder that Mr. Darkness/Poison/Fire/Arrows/Curses (Also Trees) named himself Evil. Those are some pretty evil things. Except for the trees.

3. because he's Tree—you know how many lush jungles and beautiful old growth forests and such Jack travels through? Seems kind of weird for a planet that's been ruthlessly exploited with zero environmental protections for thousands of years, yeah? Why hasn't Earth been deforested to hell and back? When we're told that Aku's wrung Earth so dry of resources that he started inviting in aliens just to get more resources to exploit... it's weird that there's still so much of Earth that looks decidedly un-exploited and un-devastated.

And I headcanon that Aku, just. he fuckin likes trees, man. Not in a "good" way—he doesn't leave forests alone for the good of the environment, he doesn't do it to live in peace and harmony with nature, he doesn't do it because the beautiful savage wilds are more pure and morally uplifting than the polluted overdeveloped modern urban cities or any creepy bunk like that. He's still evil. In the most morally neutral way possible, Aku likes trees.

So if he doesn't see any particular benefit to exploiting a forest—like, if he doesn't KNOW there's magical rubies or whatever beneath the forest—he goes "ah, this place is worthless. Leave it alone and let's move on." If a town or mine or whatever has already had every drop of usefulness squeezed out of it, rather than like, maintaining this blighted land as a barren wasteland, he's like "right, this place is a waste of resources now, I don't want it anymore, abandon this place and leave it to be reclaimed by the wild. No, of course the nearby village can't take over the abandoned warehouse and use it to house their devastated community. In fact, burn down the village for asking."

Aku uses up swathes of Earth until they have nothing left to give and moves on. But Jack's (and the audience's) idea of a used-up wasteland is like that burned forest with a single tree Jack shows Ashi. But that burned forest is the exception: it's Aku making an example of this place. Aku's idea of a used-up wasteland is a forest. A forest that's grown over a land that's given all it has to give, a forest that's tangled and unbalanced and poor in useful/edible plants because it's been uncultivated by human hands, a forest with no people because they've been stolen away and shipped somewhere they can be put to work.

Aku likes forests. Aku doesn't care for forests.

He doesn't set up natural parks or nature preserves or anything. He does sometimes set up fences & guards if he thinks a forest might have temptingly useful resources to a nearby human settlement and he thinks it'd be fun to deprive the humans of those benefits.

He doesn't advertise that he likes trees, because an asshole like him has a lot of enemies; and when Aku wants to hurt an enemy, he finds out what the enemy likes and wants and needs and then goes about depriving his enemy of that in any way possible just to make them miserable so he can laugh at them. Would not his enemies do the same to him? Would they not burn the wilderness of a whole continent to the ground just to break his heartwood?

(Propose this to Jack and he'd look at you like you're nuts. He doesn't think like Aku.)

4. I'm not the first person to headcanon this, I won't be the last person to headcanon this, there are people out there who think that this headcanon is actually canon, and there are probably even more people out there who are tired of this headcanon. However. I think Aku is the source of Chemical X in Powerpuff Girls. Powerpuff Girls takes place in the post-Samurai Jack world where Aku was killed a mere 8 years after his reign began and the rest of the world was never conquered. Aku's dead, but the pit of hate—the goo pool he came from—remains.

So here's what you gotta do. You take some evil goo. Then you mix up a specific formula that happens to be very poisonous, you set it on fire, you propel it at high speed into the goo, and you shake it up a bit. And bam—you've got Chemical X. Just don't pour the Chemical X on something, like a tree, or it might turn evil; and for the love of god don't place a curse on the evil tree or it might come alive.

There's a single tar pit in Japan that sources the goo needed to create Chemical X. Professor Utonium's ancestors come from that area of Japan. (Probably someone in the lineage leading to him was a maternal ancestor, he doesn't have a very Japanese last name.) His family has been fuckin around with that goo for centuries—keeping people away from it, experimenting with it, cleaning up the mess when it breaks containment and does something terrible like get on a tree that someone placed a curse on yeah you can figure out where this is going, "Utonium and Jack are related" also isn't a new or original headcanon.

Get Chemical X on anything and it gets Akutized a la Jack with the Aku Infection. Symptoms of Chemical X poisoning include: turning void-black with green features and possible reddish accents; aggression and violent tendencies; power-hunger; an ambition to oppress, dominate, or conquer the area and/or world; a fascination/attraction toward darkness, evilness, or villainy; a craving to collect vast material wealth and riches; and if you get a really big dose sometimes a vaguely Japanese accent and an urge to adopt a more menacing/badass name.

In other words, you get Mojo Jojo. He's basically the direct heir to Aku's legacy. He has no idea who Aku is.

At lower doses, other symptoms include abilities that some people might consider superpowers, such as super strength, time travel, and laser eyes.

The "everything nice" in the Powerpuff Girls' recipe balances out the evil in the ingredient at the base of Chemical X, hence why they don't have most of the symptoms of Chemical X poisoning. But the girls didn't get an equal amount of "everything nice."

The girl who got the least is the one who has black hair and green eyes; glories in opportunities to commit violence for violence's sake; received a single dollar and immediately got so unhinged with greed that she declared she now understood Mojo, attempted to knock out her sister's teeth so she could trade them to the tooth fairy for more money, and finally went around assaulting villains for their teeth; briefly had a baby-crush on the leader of the lowkey-villainous Gangreen Gang; at one point decided to become a "cooler" superhero by making an actual goddamn demonic bargain to gain the ability to turn into a pitch-black living shadow with glowing green eyes and adopting (a kindergartener's idea of) a menacing/badass name ("Mange"); and, let's be frank, whose hairdo would fit right in amongst the Daughters of Aku.

Buttercup is essentially as "related" to Aku as the Daughters are, and maybe a little more since they didn't really inherit his personality/tastes.

"Hey, why have you put so much thought into this headcanon?" I think it would be fun if after Jack comes back from the future and thrashes Aku around some more, Aku panics, creates a second time portal and jumps through it himself, lands in the future, and gets told these three adorable little crimefighting girls are his daughters and this monkey is his son. Imagine it. Imagine Mojo looking up at Aku with awe in his eyes and asking if he could please hear another story about taking over the world... father. 🥺 Imagine someone plopping Bubbles in his hands and going "and this is another one of yours!" Imagine the look on his face as he stares at this sweet-hearted giggly little pigtailed thing and tries to make sense of that. His face would look like 8C

5. I don't think Lulu made it. I'm sorry.

6. I think Aku vaguely remembers being a big evil space blob, but like, not very well. Kind of as a distant dream. I think he considers "himself" as starting the moment Jack's dad arrowed him; he has memories of the stuff that was around before then, but none of that was Aku, it was just the raw materials of what would become Aku. That was some other guy that got blasted by the gods. I think he's vaguely aware that he's the scion of the space blob, but he doesn't regard it as a parent or an elder or a superior, if the space blob survived and Aku met it I doubt he would have an emotional attachment to it. But he's sort of aware that the space blob's enemies are his enemies—anyone who wanted it dead wants him dead—and so he sorta tries (unsuccessfully) to stay off their radar.

7. it's not clear what Aku's relationship is to the rave music used to mind-control the teens. It's called Aku's music but like, did he literally compose it? Did he commission it to be composed to mind-control kids? Did he just go "yeah this is groovy" and slap his stamp of approval on it? Was the CD handed out to kids in town like an Aku's Favorite Club Hits compilation album?

Anyway my headcanon is that Aku just,, really likes rave music. His scientists approached him like "Aku we have discovered a way to mind-control people using music—" "YES! WE WILL BRAINWASH THE YOUTH WITH TECHNO!" "Lord Aku, it could be any genre of music—" "WITH TECHNO!!!"

the logical next question is does Aku go to raves. And no. I don't think he's social enough for that. He just hangs out alone in the Pit of Hate blasting psytrance and grooving by himself.

8. I don't think Aku, like, has friends. This probably isn't a groundbreaking opinion. He's not very friendly. But sometimes evil supervillains have pals anyway y'know? I don't think he does. He doesn't go out to socialize with anyone (unless he's up to something in the IDW comics I don't know about), he doesn't invite people over, everyone who comes to his castle—refugees, employees, contractors, would-be assassin—is there purely on business.

I don't think he's lonely—or if he is, he has no idea and no urge to change it. I think he does have a need to socialize, but talking to ten strangers for two minutes each would be just as satisfying as talking to one well-known well-trusted long-time underling/ally for twenty minutes.

Every once in a while a well-known well-trusted long-time underling/ally will decide they're friends with Aku and Aku will go "well, that's fine" and accept that it's happening until the friend dies and/or screws up enough for Aku to kill/imprison/exile them. Their professional relationship/utility to Aku always outranks the friendship, but like, if it's an entertaining friendship he might be 5% more lenient with screwups. If he ever gets a hint that they're just sucking up in the hopes that being nice to him will get them some professional/political advantage, it's the Pit of Hate for their impertinence.

9. out of the characters we see in the show:

Scaramouche has decided he's Aku's friend. Aku's fine with this because Scaramouche understands that it's more important to be a good assassin than a good friend—and he's a very good assassin.

It's not a lot of mere assassins that get Aku's private number—and are permitted to call it enough times to memorize the melody of the buttons being pressed.

Sometimes Scaramouche texts Aku memes. on average about one out of twenty will get a "HAHA" in reply.

Demongo assumed—or, perhaps, hoped—he was Aku's friend in some small subservient way. Demongo was wrong. He didn't figure out the trick is that you've gotta be the one to decide it and then Aku will go along with it. It probably wouldn't have saved him. (It didn't save Scaramouche.)

Some of Aku's top scientists have been friendly with him—thinking of the little troll who gave X-49 emotions, doubt he could get away with little experiments like that if he wasn't firmly on Aku's good side—but generally they aren't friends with him.

I don't think we've ever seen anyone else in the show who qualified as a friend, near-friend, or potential-friend. Maybe the DJ might've been? That seems like the type of position that could've started with Aku having hired this guy for several gigs and the DJ seems like the kind of person to get casual with his boss. The three-eyed alien who spies for him, I feel like she keeps it professional with the boss. They're on friendly-but-not-friend terms. Like, they'd nod to each other on the street but they wouldn't say hi. That might be the whole list out of characters we've seen.

10. I headcanon he is capable of feeling friendship though, even if he isn't actually exercising that capacity in any way. Primarily because my ace/aro ass is sick and tired of "they can't feel desire like a NORMAL person, they're LOVELESS unlike a GOOD person" being used to indicate how evil an evil-in-their-soul villain is, and i'm gradually extending that to aplatonic characters too.

Therefore if you're calling a character inherently evil i'm gonna say well then he does have the capacity for friendship and attraction even if he isn't using it; because if the lack of friendship & love isn't inherently evil, then the presence of it isn't inherently good, and i'm gonna get up on my soapbox about this.

And aside from me just preferring it that way, I like experimenting with "so what CAN an inherently evil character do (i.e. what are the limits of what's ACTUALLY evil vs what's morally neutral but a lot of people like it and thus decide it's good)?"

11. God only knows WHAT Aku would consider attractive though. what's sexy to a tree? Flowers?? Is he into flowers??? Flowers with a wide stigma and a dozen stamens???? Who knows.

i think he runs into someone that meets his criteria like, once every five hundred years at MOST. Tells no one. Immediately cuts them out of his life. Moves on.

I feel like Aku being attracted to someone/something isn't dependent upon "here's a list of traits he automatically considers appealing/attractive" but some complex network of relationship building and prior interactions and psychological reactions. "so you're just saying he needs to get to know someone before he can be attracted to them?" No. It's Not That Simple. You Don't Understand. "Then explain." no.

12. I think he's perfectly content with, like, JUST ruling earth. No ambitions to go conquer the rest of the galaxy or anything. He's got his cozy little planet he can exploit, torment, and terrorize as much as he pleases, if he wants MORE evildoers around he can just fling open his doors and invite them over and they'll come pouring in...

And on top of that the dude's a complete homebody. He can leave earth in seconds any time he wants but he doesn't, except once, to hire a band of hunters and then immediately go home. Which is WILD since like, it would be so goddamn easy to avoid Jack forever by just ruling earth from the moon and banning spaceships. he could be teleporting to all kinds of helpless planets without the technology to fight back and then just pillaging and plundering them. But no, all he wants to do is keep on squeezing Earth.

There's no sign he has any political ties or alliances (or rivalries or brewing wars) with the dictators of other planets; there isn't even any evidence that he goes to normal non-dictator-ruled worlds like "I heard you have too many criminals and you want to get rid of them! I have a suggestion: are you familiar with the concept of Australia?" Instead he just sends out an invite and hopes criminals find it.

And when he's on Earth we never see him, like... GO places. The only times he ever seems to leave his castle are when it's necessary to deal with some business, usually dealing with Jack: to attack him, to recruit someone to attack him, to raise some zombies to attack him, to pretend to be a hot babe and/or a hermit and/or another hot babe to mislead him before attacking him... like he never goes down to the slave mines to laugh at his slaves, he never goes to gladiatorial rings to watch the fights, he never just wanders around his cities kicking puppies and stealing candy from babies and handing murderers gift cards to Weapons R Us, never goes on cruises...

He really is a tree: rooted in one spot, and it's a pain in the ass and a huge chore to uproot him and drag him somewhere else.

If you were to stick him in a modern human AU he'd be that guy with a work-from-home job who spends all of his spare time customizing his home's interior decor—buying new furniture online, painting the walls himself, gets all his groceries via delivery, hasn't seen the sun in three months and hasn't noticed. And he's perfectly content with it.

13. And that's another thing about him: he's content. I truly believe that, before Jack shows up, he's happy and living his best life and absolutely thriving. He's got bingo on his Maslow's hierarchy of needs. He's living out his wildest dreams. He's reached all his life's ambitions and they were just as good as he expected and now he's making fresh new ambitions. He's doing SO great. He's the happiest person on Earth, and not just because he's making everyone else miserable.

A lot of times in stories (and in life) you expect evildoers doing evil to be secretly miserable and depressed and broken and hiding from their psychological demons and that's the reason they're so cruel in the first place. But like, that applies to humans, who are generally psychologically wired to find fulfillment in doing & receiving the things that most of us agree are "good," and so if a human's doing wicked things most of the time it means it's because something's gone terribly wrong in their lives to make this course of action seem necessary or correct.

But Aku's born evil, wired evil, spiritually evil. What breaks a human's soul nourishes Aku's soul.

14. You know how sometimes after a villain with a tragic backstory does something evil and everyone's like WHY, they break down, and in tortured anguish—likely with bitter angry tears—they explain what horrible tragedy befell them to make them this wrong, this twisted, this broken, and how this experience they went through and the terrible things they're doing now are poisoning them from the inside and hollowing them out into a bitter crumbling husk of the person they should be?

That's the kind of reaction you'd get if Aku helped a little old lady carry her groceries home.

he donates money to a charity to end homelessness and is sick with guilt & disgust & self-loathing. He helps a child do their homework and feels like he's dead inside, he goes home and stares in the mirror and wonders if the real him is even alive anymore. What terrible tragedy would have to befall him to turn him into such a broken shadow of his former self.

a lot of times inherently evil characters are written as like "well they're not really INHERENTLY evil, they've just been convinced evil is good but they can be changed and that'd be good for them" or as like "they're evil so they treat goodness like it's got cooties and it's played for laughs." I think we can push the envelope, take it more seriously, try to REALLY imagine the world from the character's perspective. Wouldn't an evil character doing evil feel the same way as a good character doing good? Wouldn't an evil character doing good feel the same way as a good character doing evil—and wouldn't it take the same sort of extreme circumstances to push them to act against their morals like that?

15. Aku's got pretty good manners? We see this several times: the two that most prominently come to mind to me are the moment he's born, when his very first words are "You! Thank you!"; and the time he ordered an (EXTRA THICC) mercenary and was a very polite and patient customer on the phone, like if you're working in a call center a customer like Aku is a dream. Apparently good etiquette is morally neutral. Add to this some other unexpected traits he has that are usually considered "good": tidy, hates messes (in his home, anyway). Sees children mockng him and decides to read them bedtime stories rather than murder them? Leaves an away message to let visitors know he's unavailable when he's occupied being a depressed lump.

In a lot of ways, Aku would make, like... an ideal neighbor, housemate, roommate, customer, etc. Except for all the evil, and the way he eye lasers anyone the moment they annoy him. But if you put aside the evil he's a well put-together guy with generally quite pleasant habits. He'd probably put the toilet seat back down after using it. But he probably lifted the toilet seat in the first place because he was flushing your still-living pet hamster down the toilet.

And that's enough of that I think.

[sokkastyles]

hi :)) relatively new zk fan here (I liked them passively since the first time I watched atla, but back then I didn't even know shipping existed lol). Not to stir the pot (if you aren't okay with posting your answer, feel free to dm me), but I'm curious: I've seen this ship being grouped with and compared to other pairings I'm personally not too fond of, like r*ylo, b*kudeku, and dr*mione, and yet I don't get the same vibes from zutara? (or, at least, not from the largest part of the fancontent I've seen). The "grouping" seems to be labelled as either "delulu fans are still annoyed it wans't canon (it was never going to be!!)" or a bryke-esque tongue-in-cheek "oh silly girls, self-inserting and wanting an abusive (heteronormative or sexist) relationship with a dark prince to fulfill their 'i can fix him' fantasy" or wtv. I just don't think those are fair comparisons, but I also think it's kinda pointless to shit on other very hated/dismissed fandoms. So idk, I guess I'm looking for the right words to express how zk is actually the odd one out in that list of ships? thanks in advance!

Zutara really is on another level when compared to those ships both in terms of potential canonicity (multiple sources that it was considered and discussed in the writers' room) and in that it's the healthiest most possible outcome for enemies to lovers ships, in which both become genuine friends and allies and Zuko fixes himself before he can have any sort of relationship with Katara. But also, you are correct that it wouldn't matter either way. I'm not fan of those other ships, either, but I'm strongly proship and also don't care if someone doesn't ship zutara for the healing arc and canon potential and is just in it for the drama. But those things are there nonetheless and the ship shouldn't be reduced to only endless angst. Zutara is versatile like that 😁

[stari-sometimes]

Ok so the croakerverse list

Why am I doing this? I’ve asked myself the same thing (I like making lists and charts) At some point I want to put all the blogs/people into a bizarre family tree style chart.

I am well acquainted with the fact that I will not have every single person listed because by the nature of the croakerverse the only requirement to “be a part of it” is to essentially just interact with it. (In a way I think you could argue we’re all a part of the croakerverse and isn’t that beautiful?)

I have split this list into sections to give some sort of reason to the way I’ve assembled it but don’t take them too seriously.

Alright let’s get croaking.

First is of course the beautiful, the majestic, the radiant, the clown prince of crime themself, Croaker/The-Muppet-joker/Kermit/Colter/Joker kins include (but not necessarily limited to) Kermit and Joker, Adam, dark Eve, Jesus (from the Bible), Vriska (Homestuck), Applejack (mlp), Dark Matt (ceo tumblr) and Dark Matt’s subkin Draco Malfoy.

Next we have blogs directly connected to muppet joker.

mydarlingathena/Athena: ex-cult leader of a vampire-like emo cult. previously possessed by the spirit of Gerard Way of my chemical romance. (Kind of. it was probably just the mold) Ex-roommate of Kermit. Ex-Bride of Kermit.

minuseyes/Sage: Milton’s sister, also an ex-roommate of Kermit. (At one point had a some sort relationship with Athena)

lifedoesntdiscriminate/Milton: Sage’s brother, at one point Kermit’s moirail, Alexander Hamilton kinnie, final ex-roommate.

Alexandria Thornton: Ex monk, always Irish, wolf

Marsha Landlord: Kermit’s landlord (and a murderer apparently)

Those who are apart of the croakerverse but acknowledge that it isn’t real.

Strange aeons

unmask strange aeons: Creator/discoverer of the Universal Truth. The Universal truth being that Strange Aeons is the muppet joker. (there’s a whole religion with denominations and heretics. It's great.)

and Unmask’s roommate

The part where it starts feeling like biblical lineages.

So first in this category we have Milton’s (uuuuhhh it’s complicated. Does it count as being an ex if one of you was so insecure you didn’t know you were together? And then like there was the whole kidnapping from the woods thing and then a sort of reconciliation. Friend seems minimizing)

Consciousgordiacea/Gordon: 9ft tall creature made of worms, capable of creating worm clones

inquistorcroaker: Gordon’s mom (human)

Hymen-restoration-project/Bethany Rage: Leader of the feminarcy, Taylor Swift fan

yorhusband/D: Bethany’s brother

Trevor: Bethany’s nemesis (?) as well as coworker, drug user, trad cath, day trader, pays Bethany to do ads

Tumblr user i-pissed-in-the-ballpit: self explanatory

mayo-is-all: Mayonnaise. Everything is mayo youre mayo. this post is mayo. the universe? May-o-nnaise.

From Alexandria we have her ex Mavis and the vampire (I mean we’ve got worm creatures so why not just real vampires)

Also Alexandria’s nephew

Assorted Croaker/Milton fan number blogs

Diamond tiara and Silver Spoon (both ponies from Mlp kin situation)

I think there was/is also a Miss Piggy blog

From Bethany we also have Elvis and from Elvis we have assorted other Elvis variants

from Elvis and Bethany we get Nixon-official/Richard Nixon (cannibal President)

and his fbi agent (lover?)

And then we have the kind of connected. (Idk I’ve been making up section names on the fly)

Normal Aeons: opposite to Strange aeons (so we have balance in the universe)

Also I think there’s a fruit cult somewhere in here

And like the guy who kins the muppet joker, therealmuppetjoker and he kins/kinned specifically Kermit in his woman hating era (fell asleep to puppet asmr put on by Tim in November and hasn’t been heard from since)

The handful of archivists

Reddit

Kermit’s uncle

The neighbor during the cult roommate situation

Mentioned but no blogs

Kermit’s mom, Kermit’s uncle’s sister in law, Kermit’s Grandma, Kermit’s dad

Kermit’s crush from Starbucks (?)

The three weed smoking coworkers

(To my knowledge) Kermit’s ex polycule

Sage and Milton’s parents

Kermit’s kin? Mind? Children I don’t know if they exist anymore. What with the whole exorcism in the monk equivalent of a convent.

Bethany’s classmate Keith

Bethany’s parents

The Kermit plushy (deceased 2024)

I’ve definitely missed at least one family, a couple friends, and like probably a bunch of other people but at this point I’m calling it done.

[cultkinkcoven]

Mild TW: mentions of self harm

When I first started my Luciferian journey I was always like, aware of the laws around bodily care, but as I’ve progressed Lord Lucifer has elevated my understanding of my body and that law so so much. Take care of your body, your body is a temple, now means so much more to me.

“You better ask your body about that.”

Lord Lucifer told me to think about my body as an intelligent machine, to actively have conversations with it, and respect it not only as my vessel but my best friend. It is my greatest companion and it is the only one that will hold me until the very end.

When I think about my body as an intelligent machine with hardware, making its best effort to maintain me at every moment, I come to appreciate and have far more empathy for it. When I pay attention to it, I can see it trying.

Reflexes, thank you. It knows so much faster than I do to dodge. Blinking, breathing, ear drum vibrations, vision. even itchiness, this response that says hey, there’s something on our skin. When I acknowledge my body as a friend, I appreciate the millions of things it does for me to care for me at every given moment.

and then I can have empathy for it, especially as a person with a disability. I have a chronic nerve pain disorder, and I hurt every single day. I used to hate my body for it, I used to get mad at it. But now it’s like, I understand that it’s sending me pain because something is wrong, it’s trying to communicate with me. If I don’t respond properly and do the things I need to do to manage my condition, it will continue to cry for help until I do.

It carries me through the world, and I can only make impact on the world through using it. It is the proof that I was here. Idk if it’s pretty, idk if my face is pretty, but I do know that my eyes are probably shaped that way for a reason. My skin is the color it is so it can manage sunlight, my teeth might be fucked up but hey, they’re doing a good job at breaking down food and keeping me alive. I’ll give them some credit. This body is far from perfect, but I appreciate it so much. It’s my best friend.

Growing up trans, I’ve always had a feeling of “oh, I wish I didn’t have to have this body, this body is a prison,” and I’ve had a history with self harm. When I was in therapy I heard a lot of arguments for why or how to stop self harming and the mindset you should try to strive for. Most of those arguments did nothing for me. One day I kind of just looked at myself in the mirror and talked to my body. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong by existing, I’m just as stuck with you as you are with me. and idk, I wanna protect you too. I want to treat you differently than everybody else does. I wanna be your friend and watch you change. I want to shape you, cause, we’re here together.

Lucifer has always told me, “ask your body about it, it remembers things you do not.”

and for a long time I didn’t understand what he meant, ask my body. But then I actually tried doing it, listening, and it answered. It always does, it cannot lie. Me, I lie to myself constantly, but my body always keeps it real.

Fingers thank you for writing this, shoulder I know you’re hurting and I will figure out how to alleviate that somehow. Today you are 21 years, 9 months and 30 days old. 7,974 days we have known each other. I will do my best for you for as much longer as we have and I know you will do the same. You always have.

[maycat-19-142]

Hi, I hope you’re doing well ! Can you write a headcanon of a Mingi X idol reader where their relationship is not discovered by fans buuut where fans ship them together because ateez and g/n are close friend and they are very similar in their personalities, like they both are sexy on stage and flirty with the fans but when they are doing like variety shows, interviews or they are only with the members they are both u know, like shy and sweet ? Idk if it’s clear TwT

Mingi when your relationship is already supported but unknown

A/n: I hope you enjoy this and thank you for the request

⚠️: There is a chance of fem coding, but it is gender neutral to the best of my ability, kisses, pda, I kinda jumped from thing to thing. Sorry if it is confusing. Talk of alcohol (drunk idol diary show)

Oh where to begin

[Y/g] and ateez meet early in the idol world

You are a late 2017 group, and ateez is mid to late 2018 group

Yet it was so common to see the 2 bands together

All the members of [y/g] had ateez members there were close to

You, one of your bandmates and mingi, were the "deadly trio"

Killer stage presence and looks but actually really chill people

You became official when mingi was mid hiatus in 2021

He had been working on himself when you got a call from yunho asking for you to go to KQ

When you show up, you see a healthier looking mingi and flowers

He hands the flowers and you talk for a while about life

And he confesses to having feelings for you. He is so scared when you don't reply immediately but the kiss between his eyes tells him everything

You are sworn to keep it low

And your band mates those who have been there for you for so long in your life are so happy

Finally, the morons in love see the other is just as down bad

One of the things that changed when you became official was the way he looked at you

Soft and sweet eyes meet yours often

You have dates at dorms or entertainment buildings

His favorite thing ever is to sit on the roof of your company and star watch in to the late hours of the morning

You hate to see him over work himself. Sometimes he'll be to stubborn to stop working and another ateez member is like "I'll call y/n or y/g"

That gets him to chill a bit

Comebacks are the worst and best

You are doing what you love but within seeing eachother for weeks at a time

Mingi lives for if you have comebacks at the same time

Seeing you on stage happy flirty look, dancing with basically your siblings brings him so much joy

Same things for you

Watching him in hin element is the best

Definitely hugs backstage with both your members laughing at you

He is so clingy, will hug you close, hand always on you if there is no press around. Even if he'll still try

Tours are the worst for yall

Especially different timezones

Calls and texts when ever

When the family shipping first comes out he is horrified

Had they found out

Nope just fans being shippers and seeing yall close

Definitely kinda cringes at the ship name at first

But he gets used to it over time

Slowly, your relationship is snift out by fans

And most found through the fact you had an identical hoodie to his stains and all

Then, the way he watched you on stage at an award show showed more than he thought

Definitely worried about your safety and how everyone will take the news

When it finally comes out both of you are so so scared

And it goes well

Shows and events start asking for yall and you're groups together

Went on a drunk idol diary, and he basically fell asleep on your shoulder halfway through, and you just keep hanging out with the host

Shows are always fun with ateez teasing you and your band and right back at them

It is so sweet

Have a good day and night 🌙

Pixie out 🧚‍♀️

[dr3am5scape]

⠂ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇᴅ⠐ [ᴘᴛ 1]

Mizu x Fem Reader

Summary: You found your lost-close friend, Mizu somewhere in town. Ever since childhood, you two had a bonding connection until, Mizu was beaten and had to vanish, without letting you know. And for so long, you ended up finding her at the middle of the snow alone.

Warnings: Angst/Hurt

If you can’t handle angst stories, then I’m sorry😭😭 (I had an emotional feeling while typing). Idk why I did this close to 2am 💀🙏🏽

It was a cold night in Japan. Each light was on every street and the roads were empty and cold. Winter season has begun. Mizu was walking in her heavy coat, with a scarf wrap around her neck. She closed her eyes, feeling the cool air through her face. She had finish a mission that needed to be done. Mizu took a deep breath, listening to the silence of the streets. In a town like this wouldn’t last long. There were always a problem she finds during her day. But the thing that caught her attention was a figure walking to the alleyway. Mizu squints her eyes, getting a better look at them. She couldn’t tell much about them, but from her mind, it seem to be a woman. You approached towards the light, revealing your face. You was covered in makeup. “Mizu…is that you? I haven’t seen you for so long.” When Mizu heard your voice, her eyes open wide. “Y/n?” She calls your name. You chuckle, a small smile appear on your face. But small tears came rolling down your cheek. “Yeah, it’s me. Y/n.” Mizu was shocked to see an old friend. It had been years since you two last seen each other.

Her heart aches as the memories of an old town you two lived. You were best friends, running around and having fun until Mizu was beaten by group of boys and left suddenly. “How come you left me behind?” You asked, tearing more. Mizu look to the side, avoiding eye contact before answering. “I…had reason for leaving. Reason I couldn’t tell you about.�� “What do you mean?” You ask, walking closer to her. Mizu knew this conversation would be difficult, including a close friend of hers. “There’s things that you don’t know about me, Y/n. Things I’ve been running away from.” Mizu look up at you. “I’m not the same person I was years ago.” You shake your head, thinking this was some kind of a joke. “What are you talking about?” Your voice croaked. Mizu sees your tears, which broke her heart. She had to be strong enough to hold her guard against you.

“I can’t be around you, y/n. Your better off with me.” Mizu says, bluntly, taking a step back. “W-what no, I cant lose you again!” “Please, y/n. It’s for your own good. You have to understand.” You didn’t listen and instead grab her hand. “I’m not letting you go!” You cry out. Mizu look down as both hands held to each other. “P-please, Mizu. I can’t lose you, again.” Tears roll down your cheek. “I…I can’t-“ “Y/n…it’s not about losing me, it’s about protecting you.” “Protecting me? Of what, I don’t seem to understa-“ Mizu grit her teeth, hiding the pain in her voice. “There are people after me. They could hurt you just to get to me. And I can’t let that happen.” She confronts, pulling her hand away. You called her out again, ending up falling on the cold snow. “Just forget about me,” Mizu stated looking away. Your heart sank, hearing those words. This wasn’t who you thought of. You got up from the snow, meeting her eyes. “I never told you this, but I do love you, so much.” Mizu wasn’t expecting to hear that coming. You gently place both hands on her cheek. “I love you, Mizu. I always have.” Your throat tightened, tearing more. You never had the courage to say your feelings towards Mizu. Since she left, not letting you know, you felt as if she left you abandoned and that you weren’t going to see her. Ever. Mizu place her hand over yours, feeling the warmth of your touch. “I don’t deserve you.”

You shook your head. “Stop that. You deserve more,” you said pressing your lips against hers. Mizu close her eyes, savoring the moment. She wrap her arms around, pulling you closer. Once Mizu broke the kiss, she rest her forehead onto yours. Her voice was shaky, trying to sort out her emotions. “Let me come with you. Just me.” You said, closing your eyes. Mizu knew “no” was the only one answer in putting yourself in dangerous, but the thought of leaving you in the snow would also be much worse. “Fine. You can come with me, but promise me something. No matter what happens. You stay close to me, got that?” She says in a serious expression. “Yes.” You respond in relief.

Part 2 will be out soon.

[vespidclan]

Idk why but Sparkbreak ( 500 ) from the Roleswap seems like the type of " player " that resets a bunch of times for the " best outcome " or will reset if their favorite character/cat dies in a patrol or moon skip.

That probably sounds insane so let me explain. Moth ( 404 ) seems to have the type of playstyle of someone who's trying to tell a story/stick to a certain rule list like for challenges. Ik it's all to make cat's suffer but she's very methodical ( like cm only players interested in story lore would headcannon their rng kitty to have psychology broken at the sight of their God and then moon reset until they get the Kill Yourself prompt (( now that I say that that sounds like shade at you I promise it's not )) )

But Spark ( 500 ) would have the playstyle of getting to attached to every cat within the small clan and not wanting anything to happen to them, so I see him resetting moons that have death in them, resetting when a patrol outcome results in injury/death, and other odd things ( like if the clans prey stores are low just coding in more or even turning it completely off ).

But tbh thinking about it this way, I'd hate ro like in a 500 world. Could you imagine watching a friend/sibling/parent/partner die right in front of you? Then in an instant your back in your nest at the start of the day and they come in the den bringing you food like always. You never starve because the pile is always full, but you take note that it's always full, and that even if every cat was hunting at all times, they still couldn't catch that much. You feel like you should've been dead a long time ago. You're an elder that's surpassed life expectancy, you're suffering but something won't let you die. You're his daughter, he'd never hurt you, but in helping you he is.

Sorry for the ramble I'm mentally ill

I liked reading this! And this is an interesting idea for reverse Spark/500 in the sense that he’s the opposite of 404. Maybe instead of becoming hateful of everyone and himself he sees it as an opportunity to protect everyone he loves from what horrors he’s witnessed, and not 404’s differing mindset of wanting to break others down because of the mentioned horrors.

This has its drawbacks of course—the cats in the clan, the favored ones at least, will basically be invincible to any obstacle. They’re healthy and well fed. They will have no memory of dying or being in pain because 500 made sure they could never die. Imagine if they saw someone they loved die, and in the next moon, they’re suddenly conversing with you like it never happened. Everything is perfect, but too perfect, in an uncanny and fake way. Maybe your inferior mind can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with your life, but something is definitely not right.

What if 500 picks favorites like the ‘favoriting’ system the actual game has? What does he do with the cats he doesn’t like? Would Out Of Bounds be turned into a prison for those cats if they end up dead? Would he cause their deaths to stay out of their ‘perfect clan’? How would 500 deem which cat is more favorable? He’s extremely protective to who he loves… and that’s his biggest flaw. Everyone else will languish, because to him, that’s the way it should be for them.

Or think of this! If he really wants to… he could alter a cat completely. New personality, appearance, quirks, a completely different cat, and everything would change to fit his view so that you’re the ‘ideal version’. One moment, you’re yourself. Next moment, you’re unrecognizable to yourself. Good for him, probably good for others, but for you? You would never know.

So what we’re getting at is; 404 and 500’s way of managing the game is just another example of dystopias and utopias… Neither are favorable but that’s what’s fun! Two sides of the same coin, meddling with something that they shouldn’t in order to benefit themselves… I think they’d fit this song really well actually.

I did base his design off of AM! Since it’s something I didn’t really do for 404 and I still want him to be based off of the same things that inspired 404, but just enough so that he’s his own thing. His original sketch had him look way more similar to him, but I went for a more cat-like look instead

[justis--shake]

TETRO milgram Pink au idea

so basically its 11 characters from tetro put into milgram cause i think itd be funny

the prisoners would still all be murderers cause thats the whole gist of milgram but they would all be teens and ultimates still

the game would follow the same rules as milgram EXCEPT if someone gets voted evil (voted evil or pure) 2 times in a row they would be executed and instead of music videos it would be memory logs that can either show their murder or traumas or relationships or anything significant to their life

oh and it would be 5 trials cause i thought would be fun

now onto the prisoners and who the killed

Prisoner 1. Sasaki Hitomi: killed her teacher with a brick

Prisoner 2. Harada Keizou: killed his best friend using his other best friend

Prisoner 3. Okazaki Hanano: killed their rival and their friends using multiple traps and outrageous methods

Prisoner 4. Hama Ran: killed his friend with the help of arson

Prisoner 5. Watari Nishino: killed her friend with a freaky deeky trap

Prisoner 6. Kamimura Kazutoshi: killed his friend through double suicide

Prisoner 7. Hayashi Mai: killed multitude of people for money mainly through stabbing or shooting

Prisoner 8. Yanagi Shigeki: killed his father with a shard of glass from a beer bottle

Prisoner 9. Tamba Ruiko: killed her classmate with stairs. yup. stairs.

Prisoner 10. Hiroaki Nakamigawa: Killed his girlfriend with poison

Wardens. Wada and Monomoko

Basically thats all and if you vote pure they get rewarded with nicer clothes, better living arrangements, items from home, power of certain things and people, and will be able to express their thoughts that you agreed with freely but if voted evil they will be restrained, having bedroom stuff taken away, forced to isolated in some cases, and have the rejection of their thoughts and feelings

thats all! if you hate his idea tell me but if you like it also tell me!

also since idk who the ch5 culprit is thats why yanagi, mai, tamba, and hiroaki are there cause those are my personal guesses on who might be the killer

[softhenrycavill]

And in the end of the day who the f cares if it's pr or not or what's her job or whatever? He's a stranger for God's sake, not a part of our close family and friends. You like them together? Great then you can go "they're cute", "look how adorable they are", "they're hot" etc. You don't like them together? Great the you can say once maybe twice "they look fake", "they don't look good" and then move on. You still like his acting? Fine then talk about that, that's his job anyway. You don't like it? Fine then move on to your current favorite. It's entertainment not real life. But four years hating someone, stalking them, trying to prove idk what is sick imo. A month? Six months? OK I can get it, then move on. It's for their own mental health. And even if someone is unemployed, unattractive, an escort etc etc etc they are still humans and deserve respect.

This! It's not that deep. I don't care if people dislike them, go hate them if it makes you happy, i dont give a damn. But for Gods sake, move on if you loathe them so much. It's a big World, there are many Actors out there, choose someone new, can't be that hard can it? Why do people stalk and bully them daily since 4 years? It's beyond creepy and annoying. Do people really think that's what makes them good humans, makes them "better than Henry and Natalie"? How? in what world? It makes them the biggest Losers, they will always be wayyyyy below Henry and Natalie in Life. People like those haters are a big red flag for me. Maybe it's time they get a Life of their own!!! And they say Natalie is a Bully but Ive never seen proof of that but we have plently of proof of them being the bullies. I asked this before but will do it again. What has Natalie ever done to them? What has Henry ever done to them? The answer will always be the same....NOTHING. They can't name one thing but here they are acting like he personally offended them. It's crazy. Some of them should seek help in form of therapy. Im not joking, its that serious for some of those weirdos.

Exactly! Henry is an Actor, his Job is to entertain us via his Movies.....his private Life is nobodys Business. The fact that he shares some bits and pieces from his Life with us is great but hes not obligated to share anything. Demanding private stuff from him is totally out of place and creepy!

[nintendont2502]

mag70 done. this is going to be so unorganised

okay. starting with the fears bc those are the easiest to organise and had some interesting developments in the last few episodes. im noticing a theme with the names (aka i heard three names that followed that theme and then extrapolated wildly to apply it to the rest of them) so. if theres an asterisk thats me guessing the name based either off evidence from the podcast or me pulling shit out of my ass

The Hive. bugs. disease. rot. decay. generally gross/unclean shit. the worms infecting jane. potentially amherst.

The Spiral (which im gonna be honest i only know from a friends discord status. im trying to avoid outside sources of information but. lmao). spiral hallways. spaces that shouldnt exist. Michael Spiral/yaoi hands

The Web*. cobwebs. spiders (or the absence thereof). control and manipulation and being a puppet on a string forced to do things you dont want to do and being caught in the web of something far greater than you. i get the feeling Annabelle Cane and the arachnophobe projectors are going to show up again

The Vast. sky too big. sea too big. rooms too big. space too big. physically impossible places that are far too large and far too empty and youre completely alone in them. also sometimes those spaces just have a guy thats impossibly large and yet still keeps getting larger and larger because why not. has something to do with Ex Altoria and that lightning guy thats chasing Mike but i still dont know if thats a *different* fear being repelled by the Vast (since there is a precedent for that) or not.

The End. death. the inevitability of it the horror and pain and fear that comes along with it etc. that one Leitner made out of human skin. Mary Keay has something to do with this, but she also mentioned that she doesnt exclusively worship it which is interesting. whats her deal

The Uncanny*? fake people. circus of the other, not!sasha, anatomy class students, etc etc

The Dark*? peoples church of the divine host. torches/sources of light going out. darkness too thick to penetrate. eyes being removed/going blind. some weird fuckin darkness monster that kills people.

The Watcher*?? mostly seems to show up in the archive. off the top of my head has only shown up once outside of an archive context. watches people. (cant stop thinking about the Dark having themes of eyes being torn out/going blind. cant Watch if you cant see..... hm) i have,,, thoughts on this one that ill get to in a sec

meat. i still dont know whats up with that. again slightly leaning towards it being Hive aligned but at the same time,,, idk

weird mind shit is still a weird catch all category (guy with weird dreams. vase that gaslights you) but again. idk what to do with it.

what the fuck is up with fire. seriously what the fuck *is* it. ill get to this in a sec but just know ive been overthinking this for days now

quick tunnel break. yeah no idk what bullshit robert smirke was up to but hes definitely using fears (or fear adjacent bullshittery) to build his tunnels (...somehow) huh. so its less its own distinct category and more just. robert spinning a wheel and seeing what horrifying paranormal manifestation hes going to use today. off the top of my head we've gotten spiders, unnavigatable passageways and murderous darkness (so the Web, the Spiral and the Dark?) so far.

(also. forgot to mention this earlier but god i love the slight implication that Londons potentially just Like That paranormally because some idiot back in the 1800s figured out how to summon paranormal entities to help him design blueprints and now half the buildings there are haunted. incredible)

i dont. know how to structure any of this bc this is like 3 different topics ive been overthinking for a week but.

the confirmation that the Web has something to do with control and puppetry is fascinating, but also just makes me so much more worried about the archive staff bc like. its *clearly* involved with them somehow yk. theyre stuck in a web they cant quit their jobs or fire each other even if they want to theres something out there forcing them to keep working, keep researching and documenting and recording and investigating and that deeply concerns me. that + the Watcher clearly being invested in the archive (and the Archivists specifically) and the statements is just. there has to be something in them, right? the statements (the real statements, at least - the ones on tape), theres something in them that when theyre put together leads to something that the Watcher or the Web or god knows what really wants, and i cant imagine thatd be good. that has to be why gertrude left the statements so unorganised. shes trying to make it harder to put the pieces together, and my theory is its either because she knows that the final picture is something too powerful that needs to be kept out of their hands, or because the final picture is something that lead to her death (and you could make the argument that by trying to muddle it as much as possible, shes trying to protect her successor from sharing the same fate - just like how jon taped the prentiss attack to try and protect his successor). either way this entire fucking series is just a monument to her plans failing, and thats... a lot. i dont know how much power the institute really has or what its trying to do or whether i can trust it or not but. god its really just feeling like a pawn in somethings game. what the fuck is the endgame. what the fuck are the lukas' up to

(also wasnt sure where to fit this above but. yeah im almost one hundred percent sure theres no fucking way jons intentionally (or even consciously) putting that much effort and energy and emotion into acting the statements. i mean fuck doesnt he mention "losing himself" slightly whenever he reads one,,, im assuming this is a Web thing bc they seem more active compared to the Watcher passively... watching, so. idk. i guess the spiders want some entertainment.

(cant quit your job and cant even quiet quit it by half assing your recordings because youre being forced to put one hundred percent ass into it. horrifying))

i cant stop thinking about fire i cant stop circling back to it and trying to figure it out and i just. cant. on one hand, it shows every sign of being a standard fear like the others yk. theres plenty of statements where it shows up as a malicious force, theres so many instances of clearly paranormal fire and heat and flames appearing and harming, the cult of the lightless flame follows the pattern of different fears having their own cults and churches and groups behind them, but.

but it keeps showing up and destroying other fears. mostly Web and Hive based manifestations (Agnes burning away a spiderweb at that guys house. Agnes as a child helping someone else in Hill Top Road escape the Webs control. Prentiss' apartment, that diseased care home, the worm sex apartment *all* being burned down. hell even Elias and Sasha talking about setting a fire in the Archives to set off the fire system is bugging (heh) me,,,) but also.,,

idk. i cant stop thinking about that first non-Archivist based Watcher statement yk. the woman who was constantly being watched, everywhere she went. the woman who hijacked a delivery truck to try and burn down the Archive. sure, theres a case there to be made for people being afflicted/infected (for lack of a better word) by different fears trying to destroy the archive (first jane with the Hive, then her with the Watcher), but... idk. i feel like theres an argument to be made for her seeing the Archive as a *home* for the Watcher, almost like a nest. a hive. burning it down at its source

(but then. weve only ever seen fire destroying Web and Hive off the top of my head. thats how it keeps appearing, again and again. was she trying to destroy the archive because it held the Watcher, or because she somehow knew the Web was there, too? maybe she didnt know. maybe the Watcher did. maybe the girls (read: paranormal inhuman entities) have beef.)

people keep burning leitners. *gertrude* keeps burning leitners. so much fire.

fire as destructive and terrifying and cruel but *also* fire as cleansing and almost healing and purifying. id say that it was just a case of paranormal fire being the fear vs regular human made fire being the cleansing, fear-destroying one but,,, Arthur Nolan burnt down the Hive's apartment with what was clearly unnatural, paranormal fire. he had connections to the cult of the lightless flame, which has clear connections to the unnatural and destructive fear based manifestations. nothing about Agnes' fire is natural and yet she keeps destroying Webs. i dont know what to make of it

anyway. new favourite statement is Binary and it may or may not have gotten to me slightly (also the jon tim argument was great). i love seeing more archive staff interactions, even if they just consist of yelling at jon or trying to gently push jon into getting some sleep/going to therapy/stop stalking them. let the record show that i totally called them having an intervention for jons bullshit and also if he goes into the tunnels one more fucking time i swear to god

finished season one of tma last night ! just gonna dump my thoughts here before i start season two (so i can come back and see how wrong i was lmao)

jon's va is a PHENOMENAL actor, holy shit. like dont get me wrong theyre all amazing, but oh my GOD

speaking of, while im sure the out of universe reasoning for jon putting his entire archivussy into the statements is just bc it makes them more interesting to listen to, i still personally choose to believe that the institute purely hired him for his voice acting skills

theres something.... interesting with jons role that i cant stop thinking about. jane prentiss only referring to him as "archivist". the transcripts (or at least, the ones im using) only referring to him as "archivist". his first impulse being to grab the tape recorder during jane's attack and record the entire thing. the title of archivist is kinda beginning to feel more like... a mask i guess? something that takes over and kinda overshadows your old identity. youre not jon, youre not gertrude - youre just "archivist"

(also something about martin being forced to move into the archives (almost becoming part of the archives) and sasha literally having her identity subsumed and stolen by. whatever the fuck not!sasha is. both of those occurrences only happening because they were acting on behalf of the institute. kinda noticing a trend of identities being lost or stolen or changed because of (and maybe by) the institute, but that could just be a "i connected two dots" "you didnt connect shit" moment yk)

i fully believe the role of archivist is cursed. like one hundred percent. theres something up with that shit and theres no way in hell theyre being paid enough to make up for it

tbf theres no way in hell anyone heres being paid enough to make up for the bullshit they go through. id say they should quit but,,, i dont think they can

except maybe martin. please martin. go live a normal life and write your poetry and stop needing to corkscrew worms out of yourself

"i refuse to become another goddamn mystery" :((

i dont trust the institute. at all. i think at best theyre just a shitty workplace willing to turn a blind eye to some things for the good of their research, and at worst theyre actively hiding something or lying about what they are. theres just been. so many small details that rub me the wrong way yk - the archive team not being allowed to research cases that involve the lukas family in case they pull funding, sasha mentioning research students testing artefacts, the way MAG 37/Burnt Offering starts with jason begging the institute to save his son before acknowledging that theyll never do anything (makes me wonder how many statements they read and dismiss. how many statements they never read. how many people have died because of them?) - and i mean fuck just the general regard for employee health and safety seems to be non existent. also. yk. someone in the building probably murdering gertrude. thats a big thing

worms and rot and decay in the walls and a dead body in the basement. i dont trust them at all

this is definitely just me picking up what the episode was clearly laying out but holy shit gertrudes death feels *wrong*. all this build up, all the signs pointing towards it being something supernatural (the archive being filled with veins (?) in The Dreamers, the ritual site filled with photos of her in Burnt Offering, jane directly threatening the archivist in her statement (which wouldve been gertrude at the time if im not mistaken)) and then its just?? a gun?? and no one finds her body for a year???

that being said the mental image of jane and her merry band of worms sneaking into the archive just to shoot gertrude with a Regular Ass Gun is fucking hilarious

the only episode that really got to me was A Sturdy Lock, and i think that was just bc i got unlucky enough to listen to it on the one night i was home alone. woke up at 4 am, stared at my doorknob for a few minutes and forced myself to go back to sleep

favourite statement is probably a tie between The Dreamers (i love how perfectly it captured the distorted, off, slightly... disturbing vibes i get in my dreams, and as someone who was really vivid really weird dreams - it hit close to home) and Hive (bc holy SHIT jons acting in this was insane. jesus christ. the writing was incredible too holy fuck)

favourite *episode* is Infestation, just bc im a sucker for hearing Jon out of character (for lack of a better term - its fuckin *weird* hearing him emote. i love it) and i love getting more of the other archive staff (especially martin. martin my beloved martin my light more martin forever please and thank you). also jon admitting that he does believe most of the statements and hes fucking terrified of them hits like a truck when youve been making "jon doesnt believe something - take a shot" jokes for the last 38 episodes like i was

jons such a bitch /aff i love him. pathetic wet cat of a man

i fully expect him to try and kill someone next season. potentially himself. hopefully not martin

leitner and your fuck ass books when I Fucking Get You

where is sasha. where is my girl. give her back.

mahtiin :(((

[clockwork-solus]

local sorcerer of eld looking for friends, feel free to hit me up or follow me or whatever

will tag stuff im interested in, discord provided in dms upon request

i promise, i don't bite

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

main take aways from Halloween (1978) rewatch:

michael myers is canonically 21??? this bitch should be at the club

*sees tiddies* ***MURDEROUS RAMPAGE NOISES***

that's it that's the movie

outside of the fact that everyone who has sex is murdered by the narrative, this is a surprisingly chill portrayal of female sexuality? these teen girls are horny and actively enjoying Getting It On with their boytoys. no pushy boyfriends sneaking in through their bedroom windows--these ladies are taking the initiative to sneak out and GET SOME. one of them gets laid and then immediately orders her boyfriend to get her a beer. (yes she gets Slashered soon afterward, but so does the boyfriend so honestly, gender equality.) yes the Final Girl is the only one not having sex, but she's not bullied for that, nor are her friends slut shamed except possibly by being murdered by the narrative

actually the only character who is shown being morally condemned on-screen is michael myers. specifically FOR his violent overreaction to other people's sex lives. (people he is spying on). metaphorically, the villain is American Puritanism sticking its judgy nose into other people's business.

aka Michael Myers Is A Republican

but actually the real villain is the doctor. guy's a judgemental, shaming, pathologizing asshole. and he's been in charge of michael's care since he was SIX YEARS OLD? kid never had a chance. i'd go on a killing spree too

also the parents. where are the parents? it's halloween night and all the teenage girls are home babysitting their younger siblings? come to think of it, michael's first victim was his own older sister, whom he killed while she was babysitting him. teen girls are really shouldering a labour burden here. maybe parentification is the true villain

side note: mike commits his first murder wearing a clown costume...which is never referenced again? his 'iconic' costume is a generic mask and wig and jumpsuit, when we coulda had a Killer Clown Michael Myers??? travesty

i like how the Final Girl and her friend casually smoke weed in her car. yeah she's an honor student and her friend is the sheriff's daughter. yeah they smoke weed. so what it's 1978

(to reiterate, mike is 21 and should be at the club. im not saying he shouldn't be rampaging, im saying it's sad that he broke out, tasted freedom for the first time in his life, and immediately snuck back into his childhood home to go rampaging. let's have a remake where he goes to a nightclub and has a few beers. maybe some slutty dancing. then rampage)

oh no he's hot

[fizpup]

valentine, you're a horse ❤️

[farenmaddox]

this will be overly-personal based on my own experiences, so take from it what you will and just ignore the rest.

for me, I can't pour from an empty cup. creativity must be fed by joy from other sources - good food, good company, working with your hands, playing games, going to an art gallery; every person has different ways they refill their cup, but it must be refilled once in a while.

another thing is to examine what part of being creative is the part that brings joy. I'm a writer, I love writing, and sometimes what I love is sharing a finished work and engaging with people, but other times it's just fiddling with language and dialogue and metaphors and POV with no need to share. and both of those things (community, and words) can sometimes leave me feeling bored and like I'm doing the same old thing, even though I like to do them and want to do them! it usually means I need to just take a break and soak up some inspiration from others. if my writing creativity is low, that means it's time to read books, especially poetry, because seeing what other people do with their words can make me excited to do things with my words again. or sometimes I want to watch a movie to give my brain a little vacation/tour of other storytelling methods and make me go "yeah!! storytelling IS cool, actually!!"

I also need to seek out different paths for my creativity, to avoid feeling like a vending machine for words. for example I also like to be creative in the kitchen and I like playing ttrpgs, and cooking for friends and family or running a game for them exercises different creative muscles when the writing ones get overworked and tired and strained.

I love writing so much, but I don't love every part of it every single day, and I need my life to be well-rounded with other things for it to feel fun and good. I also love cooking so much, but also not every day, and sometimes my wife and I are eating sandwiches or frozen pizza for dinner because I'm also not a vending machine for cool meals.

idk, I just feel like the joy doesn't come from a sourceless well-spring of creativity that is innate and doesn't need any tending. and maybe the issue you're having is totally different and none of this is helpful at all! but hopefully you at least feel how much I care. 💙

i want to find the joy of creating again!!! i am a fearful but determined hobbit on a quest to find how people not only find but KEEP the joy. i am knocking on doors and asking for directions and clutching tight to my holey burlap sack. can anyone help me find the joy!!!!!