#and for what they charged me i just assumed it was completely og and that the box was a legit one :|

[drakonis]

help. why does standing up for myself give me so much anxiety

[jihyoruri]

lia babe I NEED the eclipse profile PLEASE

just for you ig‼️

𓈀 ✹ eclipse is a kpunk/rock girl group under yg entertainment on january 11th 2024, the group as gained major popularity because of their unique concept especially under a entertainment like yg and for the fact the group had no major pre debut exposure, they are now considered the most popular 5th generation group as of right now.

THE DISCOGRAPHY ☾

DEBUT MINI ALBUM — AMNESIA january 20th 2024 (5 tracks) success level — successful

💿#TRACKS

01 . AMNESIA | written and produced by yn | 3 wins | 285M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: amnesia was the first song ever released by eclipse. the official yg entertainment youtube uploaded a clip of the intro of the song at 10:30 pm, most people assumed that it was for baby monster that debuted two months before but shortly after at 12:00 am january 11th, yg dropped the music video for amnesia officially introducing eclipse to the world.

[og artist- woodz]

02 . NO CELESTIAL | written and produced by yn | 10 wins | 395M mv views *official debut*

𓈀 SONG INFO: after days of people listening to amnesia, yg dropped photos for the concept of eclipses debut album causing absolute chaos, and then days later the group’s official debut song no celestial was dropped breaking records.

[og artist- le sserafim]

03 . SK8ER BOI | written and produced by yn | 2 wins | 100M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: this song was the third song apart of the girls music show promotion, yn wrote and produced it wanting to add that 2000s feeling to the album and was apart of the creative direction for the music video to complete that theme knowing how popular it was these days, and the work paid off with it becoming one of eclipse most popular songs.

[og artist- avril lavigne ]

04 . STILL INTO YOU | written and produced by yn |

𓈀 SONG INFO: the lyrics for into were written by yn but the original production was not produced by her, the production was more of a balled since most groups have them, even though yn highly disagreed with it since she felt like it didn’t fit the groups concept especially as someone who is in charge of the groups music but she knew she couldn’t do much and that the decision was final but one night she couldn’t get the fact that they would have to perform that song in a way they didn’t want to so she created the proper production and made her members do over the recordings without any permission and swapped out the track. so it was shock to the people in charge when the album dropped to hear a complete different version of the song and it was hard to get mad at yn for what she did with the massive success of the song.

[og artist- paramore]

04. BRAND NEW CITY | written and produced by yn |

𓈀 SONG INFO: if you asked yn why she wrote this song she would probably tell you because she was bored, completely not knowing how much thing song would affect people, it’s definitely one of the songs that eclipse has that has deeper meanings to it, it’s definitely an underrated one in their discography.

[og artist- mitski]

SINGLE — CITY LOVE march 15th 2024 success level — successful

| written and produced by yn |

𓈀 SONG INFO: this was just a random song yn has in the drafts and when yn is really bored she does impulsive things and because she has access to things that require the girls music, she just released it one random night, she did indeed get in trouble.

[og artist- bibi]

*COMEBACK* MINI ALBUM — REGRET OF THE TIMES july 4th 2024 (4 tracks) success level — very successful

💿#TRACKS

01 . NEVER STOP ME | written and produced by yn | 4 wins | 245M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: never stop me was the prerelease to eclipses summer comeback. this song came out on june 26th, immediately gaining success over the fun vibe.

[og artist- gidle ]

02 . REGRET OF THE TIMES | written and produced by yn & seotaiji | 5 wins | 321M mv views *title track*

𓈀 SONG INFO: regret of the times is a remake of the original song by seotaiji and boys with eclipses twist to it. yn had always loved the song so she got permission to remake it and also change a few things to the song when it came to production and lyrics. the song became a massive success and was definitely one of the songs of the summer.

[og artist- regret of times 2024 aespa remake ]

03 . WITHORWITHOUT | written and produced by yn | 2 wins | 195M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: withorwithout is on the lighter side with eclipses music. This summer yn was witnessing a lot of summer break ups so she felt like this would be the best song for the people experiencing sucky situations.

[og artist- yena ]

04 . ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID | written and produced by yn | | 200M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: yg told yn that just like every yg comeback there has to be some press and shocking stuff going around about the album and yn knew exactly what she had to do and immediately wrote all the things she said, which definitely caused a lot of shock.

[og artist- t.A.t.u ]

*COMEBACK* MINI ALBUM — YOU&I December 1st 2024 (4 tracks) success level — very successful

01 . PANDORA | written and produced by yn | 1 win |236M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: since the album was coming out in december a month where the winter season is very prominent, yn wanted to make a song that had a winter feel but was still very eclipse vibes.

[og artist- wisp ]

02 . YOU & I | written and produced by yn | 10 wins | 389M mv views *title track*

𓈀 SONG INFO: yn wanted their second comeback song to be very cinematic and yg agreed with her, so she started working ok you&i in the summer during their promotions for regret of the times, she put a lot of work into this song because she wanted it to be perfect, she wanted it to feel like it could be apart of a movie soundtrack, the girls we getting tired of the amount of times she called them back into the studio because she wasn’t satisfied with it, but in the end it turned out perfect.

[og artist- dreamcatcher ]

03 . CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF | written and produced by yn | 4 wins | 259M mv views

𓈀 SONG INFO: can’t control myself is a song that is very expected from eclipse, if there’s one thing yn wanted the most when she got the permission to be in charge of the group’s discography it was that they had an identity, that people could hear a song and be like “this is so eclipse.” doesn’t matter if it was a softer track and or a more hard hitting track, and can’t control myself was a perfect balance.

[og artist- taeyeon ]

04 . NERVOUS | written and produced by yn |

𓈀 SONG INFO: nervous is probably the most underrated track on the album, yn wrote it second last and it was one of the late additions but she put it in the middle of the track list, she wrote it after eclipse filmed the haunted house show with ive.

[og artist- the neighborhood ]

05 . DECODE | written and produced by yn | 175M live performance views

𓈀 SONG INFO: decode is a fan favourite and yn knew it would be, fans love when eclipse put out heartbreak type songs so yn knew exactly what she had to do, she has the talent to write from different perspectives and that’s exactly what she did for decode, she didn’t experience any heartbreak when she wrote decode but she knew how to put the pain into the song.

[og artist- paramore ]

06 . PICTURE YOU | written and produced by yn | 5 wins | 200M live performance views

𓈀 SONG INFO: picture you was a very different sound for eclipse, and was the last song added to the album, yn was honestly really scared about this song because this song made her feel so exposed for some reason, this was a song all about her feelings this wasn’t a story she made up in her mind she actually felt this way and she went through a lot of trouble recording it as well, this one part of the song with vocal flips towards the end of the song and yn felt like it was so intimate so she didn’t want to do it (she’s the only member who could do the vocal flips) even though she always does the last part of the songs so she brought in irene the main vocalist to do it but irene was never really good at vocal flips so yn brought in yg producers to help irene but it was no use, so one of the producers forced yn into the booth and made her record it just once and it was perfect and even though she’s hated it everyone thought her emotion fit it so well and that’s why their live performance video has so much views because everyone loved how yn sounded in the song but if you were to ask yn what song she hated the most she would say picture you.

[og artist- chappell roan ]

THEIR ENDORSEMENTS ☾

𓈀 ✹ AS A GROUP | ysl, tiffany & co, nike, apple

— IRENE chanel beauty, innisfree, kirsh

— ARANG dior beauty & accessories, hera

— YN chrome hearts, bape, golf le fleur

— CELESTE clio, uggs, gucci accessories

THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA + PRIVATE SOCIAL MEDIA ☾

THE MEMBERS ☾

𓈀 ✹ THEIR STORY arang, irene, yn and celestia were all put together for a group performance for their monthly evaluation and instead of doing a kpop song or a regular pop or rap song like most people do, irene took notice that every single one of the girls were pretty talented when it came to playing instruments especially yn so she brought up the idea of doing a more rock punk type song where they play their instruments in the starting and transition into choreo which they all agreed to. they decided on performing misery business by paramore and when the time came they shocked every mentor in the room with their performance and that was the start to their concept.

—✮ YN vocalist, songwriter & producer, lead dancer, lead rapper

#✿! . . . birthday!- n/a.n/a.2004

#✿! . . . relationship status!- in a relationship (yujin ive)

#✿! . . . personality description !- yn’s is on the quite side, she’s pretty awkward as well, the fans like to call her a loser, she’s really talented and has a very creative mind she’ll spend hours working on concepts for comebacks, she doesn’t like being up front and centre which is the main reason why she didn’t want to be the main vocal they gave her the position and made them give it to irene, when she’s nervous she rambles and will rant to you about the last comic she read, fans don’t even know how she survives in a group with three other very loud members

#✿! . . .training period ! - four years

#✿! . . . fun facts ! - she skateboards, loves drawing , grew up with her dad and uncles, she knows how to work on cars it’s her hidden talent, auditioned for yg as a dare but actually got in, is a theatre kid ask her to sing any musical or disney song she can do it, had a celebrity crush on wonyoung during her trainee days (don’t tell yujin)

#✿! . . . personal style !- a lot of baggy pants or jorts, a lot of belts stacked on top of each other, either converse or platforms, old band tshirts, fishnets.

—✮ ARANG vocalist, visual, leader

#✿! . . . birthday!- n/a.n/a.2003

#✿! . . . relationship status!- single

#✿! . . . personality description !- arang is known as the flirty member, she’s the visual and just knows how to charm people, she’s really funny and always knows how to make people laugh

#✿! . . .training period ! - six years

#✿! . . . fun facts ! - she trained the longest out of all the girls, even though she’s a flirt she’s never had a relationship before, even though she’s always joking around she can switch up quickly and become a serious leader

—✮ IRENE main vocalist

#✿! . . . birthday!- n/a.n/a.2002

#✿! . . . relationship status!- single

#✿! . . . personality description !- irene is the oldest so most people expect her to be very mature and wise but she’s quite the opposite, just like arang she knows how to make her members laugh, she does the best out of all of the girls in public she really knows how to interact with people, she’s also very loud

#✿! . . .training period ! - five years

#✿! . . . fun facts ! - she was actually set to be a soloist, she’s always ready to defend her members on social media or in real life, she’s a social butterfly

—✮ CELESTIA vocalist, main dancer

#✿! . . . birthday!- n/a.n/a.2005

#✿! . . . relationship status!- single

#✿! . . . personality description !- celestia is a party girl and very popular, she’s the one you can’t control and will do whatever she wants, she’s all very loud like Irene and arang, even though she’s the youngest she doesn’t really play into the part of the youngest.

#✿! . . .training period ! - three years

#✿! . . . fun facts ! - out of all the girls she’s the closest with yn, she was supposed to be in babymonster, besides yn she’s the other member that’s open about liking girls( only her and yn are into girls), out of all the girls she gets in the most scandals, she has beef with a lot of idols

[aceof-stars]

Narumitsu/Wrightworth Fic Recs! (Part 1, Multi Chapter)

I'm finally cleaning out my tabs and sorting through all the fanfics I've read so I thought tumblr would be the best place to keep my favorite fics :)

This post will contain only multi-chapter fics, completed fics will be listed first and then uncompleted ones. Assume it's a wrightworth fic unless I specify otherwise. I will also be subjecting you all to the way I tag/organize the fanfics I read. I'll try to keep spoilers out of my tags, but if you want to go in blind just click the link.

I will tag the author if I know their tumblr <3

Anyways, Enjoy!!

Canon Compliant, Mostly

A Long Way To Fall by Prospectkiss aka @prospectkiss

Era: OG Trilogy | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Casefic, Phoenix Gets Kidnapped, Includes Smut

The very first wrightworth fic I read!! <3

Paper Hearts by Prospectkiss aka @prospectkiss

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Angst, Reunion

So Soft that it h u r t s me

Turnabout Forgotten by Nali_li

Era: OG Trilogy | Relationship? Established Relationship & Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix has Amnesia, Pining While In a Relationship

res ipsa loquitur (the thing itself speaks) by griffonage

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Didn't Know They Were Dating, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

pari delicto, pari passu (equal fault, equal footing) by griffonage

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Didn't Know They Were Dating, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

Yeah this is very similar to the previous one but they're both very good

Five Times Miles Found Phoenix Infuriatingly Attractive and One Time Phoenix Threw It Right Back at Him by 3musketears

Era: Disbarment/AJ | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Aspec Miles Edgeworth Suffers™️

Disbarment tends to be a really sad era to write in but this one isn't soul-crushing

to drink, and live, what has destroyed some men by multifandom_fanfic_writer

Era: Multiple (Pre-DL-6, Disbarment/AJ, DD/SOJ/Post-Canon) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix is Jealous of Miles' Admirers, Miles Edgeworth Rejects Everyone Except Phoenix

Guilty As Charged by JustNerdyThings

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: AJ Trilogy Characters Try Matchmaking-- Phoenix & Miles Don't Need It Actually, POV Outsider, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

A Night You'll Never Regret by MaudMoon (Idle_Wanderings) aka @maud-moon

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles Get Impulsively Married, Drunken Shenanigans, Temporary Amnesia, Communication!, Includes Smut

One of my favorite Post-Canon wrightworth fics, Phoenix and Miles are characterized so well <3

Canon Retellings/Canon Divergence

Reprieve by Almarna aka @almarnatiaam

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship → Breakup → Getting Back Together | Plot Stuff: Bratworth & Feenie are Roommates, First Game Retelling

Don't Lawyers Feel Love Too? by JustNerdyThings

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen), Legally Blonde AU | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth is Feenie's Study Partner, Turnabout Goodbyes Retelling

What Are Roommates For Anyways by daggar

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth is Feenie's Roommate, Bratworth Tries to Have a Corruption Arc & Feenie Doesn't Let Him, Bratworth's Accelerated Redemption, Turnabout Memories Retelling

This one is similar to the last but it's angstier and involves more case/plot elements

UNFINISHED

A Demon's Justice by Evelinessa aka @evelinessa

Era: OG Trilogy (PW:AA) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Loses Turnabout Sisters, Edgeworth's Delayed Redemption, Turnabout Sisters Retelling, Turnabout Goodbyes Retelling

pain, pain, so much pain please save me (jk I love it)

Feline Any Better? by Dreamnorn

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth's Accelerated Redemption, Bratworth Becomes a Cat and Gets Closer to Phoenix, Phoenix Wright Angst Train

Turnabout Transposed by NeeineArts

Era: No-DL-6 AU | Relationship? Established Relationship (um it's complicated) | Plot: Canon Edgeworth Travels to No DL-6 Universe, Crossing Timelines, Casefic

Alternate Universe

I Spy by zombiekittiez

Era: Spy AU | Relationship? Established Relationship → Estrangement → Getting Back Together | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles Work For Opposing Sides, Secret Identities

Augh pain, what if I want wrightworth to be happy is that too much to ask for

The Return of Glory by MaudMoon (Idle_Wanderings) aka @maud-moon

Era: Hogwarts AU | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles are Rivals At First, Exposing von Karma, Found Family Working Together

AUTHOR DOES NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING!! I REPEAT, AUTHOR DOES NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING. Phoenix and Maya are BOTH trans here

HP worldbuidling elements are actually incorporated so well into Ace Attorney plot points

[hypocriticalspicewrites]

*walks into the frame* PSST! cherryyyyyyyy *whispers* could you write an NSFW alphabet of ace and Nancy? *only if u feel comfortable* *walks away slowly bye cher 👋🏻🩷*

🩷🎀𝑪𝒐𝒃𝒓𝒂𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚'𝒔 𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝑨𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕🎀🩷

I FOUND THE OG!! Hi Anon! Thank you so much for the ask~ 👀 I've never done and NSFW alphabet but these seem fun! Yall should let me know if you'd want more of these!

Note most of these headcanons are around the time Ace and Nancy are in a more committed relationship/married, so it ranges from like 19-22!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex?)

Ace isn't the best in the cleaning up department, and he'll probably just go hop in the shower and ask if Nancy wants to join. But he's real good on checking on his girl and asking if she's feeling good or if she needs anything.

God Ace loves Nancy's post-sex cooking/baking. It's like the best thing he's ever had. When he wakes up in the morning, or even some days it's like she makes dinner a certain type of way that he just has to throw her over his shoulder whilst she's in the middle of dishes and take her upstairs to thank her the way he does best~ 🤭

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ace loves Nancy's thighs and tits. I just think he's overall a legs kind of guy and his girl's got LEGS. He's an absolute horndog for her. There isn't a second he doesn't have a hand on her thigh while driving or sitting talking with the Cobras. And the way she squeezes them around his hips when she's close is enough to have him cumming right there.

If it counts, his eyes. Nancy loves this look Ace gives her that she knows means once they get home she's in trouble. And he makes sure she sees it cause it's like he's burning two holes into the back of her head from across the room.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum?)

If it's not going inside her, it's going in her mouth. Ace is making sure she swallows all of it or is taking it all so it doesn't get on his cars seats/paint. And I think he's got himself a liitttlle bit of a breeding kink.

D = Dirty secret ( a dirty secret of theirs?)

Some days when he'd have a long day at work or he's feeling a little lonely he has a picture of Nancy kept in one of the center dashes of his car he jacks-off to. It's her in some skimpy swimsuit [at least as skimpy as they could get back in the 50s-60s] posing on a beach that just seems to get his gears turning. 🤷‍♀️

Nancys is rather tame, she just likes ready some spicy smut books and daydreams about them being her and Ace.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I think it's said Ace has some experience under his belt with his multiple relationships in his past, so he's probably the one to take charge of most things for a good while, considering poor Nance had little to know understanding considering she waited for him.

F = Favorite position?

If it's in bed, it's usually missionary or mating press, but Ace loves car sex, and he likes cowgirl position while he's laid back in his front seat.

G=Goofy: (Are they serious or goofy in the mood?)

Its pretty serious on both halves, nothing gets too silly or goofy when they're going at it and it stays relatively tame. Rarely, Ace will crack some comment after they finish up to make her giggle, but that's really it.

H=Hair: (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes?)

Im not sure how well groomed you had to be down there to meet the late 50s/60s etiquette, so I'm just going of my personal thoughts. Ace keeps himself trimmed and neat, at least when he cares to/remembers. He also has a faint blonde happy trail whenever his shirt rides up.

And I'm assuming it was kinda expected of woman back then, so Nancy is usually completely shaven all around down there. [Even though I think Ace could care less about body hair. She's like me and self conscious 😔]

I=Intimacy: (How are they during the moment?)

At first, to Ace it was just... Fucking. But after a while when he found himself unable to feel that good with anyone but her, or whenever he was getting way into it and he found himself muttering about how he was gonna marry her so he could do this to her everyday anytime he wanted, he realized that maybe his girlfriend should be more than some nice peice of ass. And so it grew more intimate and more meaningful as they're relationship grew.

J=Jack-off: (Masturbation Headcanons?)

See the dirty secret above...☝️

K=Kink: (Anything they are into)

Like I said, I could see Ace getting a little baby fever and having a breeding kink. I mean, this man is always trynna win, he pumped THREE babies into this girl and he's very smug about it for a good... Rest of his life.

L=Location: ( Favorite places to do it)

Anywhere and everywhere. Especially in his car. Car sex is something Ace almost makes tradition anytime he has this girl alone I'm his car. It's either in his car, or out by the riverside, which usually starts as wholesome picnicking, mind you. With Nancy making flower crowns while he's fishing, and it slowly turns into full blown love-making on the blanket LMAO.

Nancy doesn't mind and seems to enjoy just as much, but she finds he's a lot more intimate and softer if it's behind closer doors and in the bedroom.

M=Motivation: (What turns them on, gets em going?)

Nancy just has to breath on him and he's on her like a wildcat LMAO. I mean, the way she walks away all huffy and her hips sway in those tight waist skirts, or when she has to hold her skirt down when he's cruising down the road wayy over the legal limit to him the face breeze from blowing her skirt up. Anything this girl does is leaving him hopeless.

Anytime Ace is out working or comes back from work... Oh this girl is fanning herself and struggling to keep her hands to herself. Especially if he's out working on his car, all sweaty and muscles bulging while he's carrying his tools or a tire under his arm, or he's all covered in dirt and hunched over panting from working in the garden... Hunny PRAY FOR HER.

N=No: (Whats something they won't do?)

Ace, as surprising as it is, isn't too find if really hurting Nancy. He'll give her a little slap on the ass or thigh here and there, or bite her and suck on her neck, sure! But I don't think he'd hit her or slap her face, or spit on her. Or begging. He likes it rough, but he knows Nance is a sensitive little thing and he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable or God forbid not enjoy there intimate moments.

O=Oral: (Giving or receiving? How good are they at it?)

Ace loves receiving- but doesn't give it. Nancy doesn't mind cause he can pleasure her in many different ways, and she also doesn't kind giving him head either. He usually only let's her give him a Blow-job usually in- you guessed it, his car. As well as hand-jobs while he's at the wheel.

P=Pace: (Are they slow or fast?)

Ace starts off slow, getting use to it and getting into the rhythm, but then they start to pick things up, and it gets quick and rough after a minute or two. Rarely is he super soft and slow, the times he was was when they ran away to elope and a few weeks after the triplets were born.

Q=Quickie: (How often are they willing for quickies?)

More than you'd think. Ace is super into quickies and that's usually what's going on in his car behind the wheel LMAO. Sometimes Nance has initiated them, but it's mostly just a quick necking session behind a farm or away from prying eyes.

R=Risks

I don't think these two are up for much from there usually sex life. Maybe they'll shake things up a bit and try something new, but Ace likes to keep things easy and simple with his girl, it always feels better and amazing each and every time anyway so he isn't complaining.

S=Stamina: (How long can they go for? How long can they last)

Id say Ace can go about two or three rounds before he's tired out, and even then he can last a good while before he bottoms out. Nancy can go about two before she's a mess- which just makes Ace push her for another one. 💀

T=Toys?

Nah. I don't know if toys were popular a lot in the late 50s-60s, but Ace or Nancy aren't really ones into it- maybe he'd tie her up/blindfold her with a tie or belt, but that's really it!

U=Unfair: (Do they tease?)

Ace teases, I think he makes comments or playful names during intimacy, but anything like begging I don't think he'd be into. He'd probably tease her for being needy ro begging, but he would withhold anything fromm her. Nancy on the other hand surprisingly, likes to tease lead him on allll day before he can't take it anymore. Some days she just likes torturing him with cat and mouse till he's finally had enough and is dragging her up to there bedroom.

V=Volume: (How loud are they?)

Ace leaves it all to Nancy to let everyone know how good she's getting it. She can be pretty loud, mostly whining and whimpering, but she moans and gasp a little when she's close or he's getting super rough. The most you'll get out of Ace is grunts and sighs, maybe a groan or two, but rarely.

W=Wild card: (Random headcanon?)

Rambles when he gets pussy-drunk. 🙌 And it's the sweetest thing to ever come out of his mouth. It's so funny that it's then and only then he's actually saying something so sweet and intimate.

"God I can't wait to marry you. Then I can do this to you all day every fuckin' day.. You'd like that, yeah?"

"Look at you, all pretty and worked up just for me... Lookin' just like a princess Nance..."

X=X-ray (WHATS GOING UNDER THE PANTS?)

I'd say a good 6.5 inches, more girth than length but even then, nice and average. He has a blonde happy trail that isn't super noticeable with how pale it is. He has a couple veins trailing the sides, and an extremely sensitive one that runs over the underside of his dick.

Y=Yearning: (How big is there sex drive?)

Ace is more than willing to get it on whenever. He's doing it as long as Nance is willing to do it. This man his hornee for his lady and isn't about to turn down any and all requests to head back to their room for some sex after a hard day of working. He's got sex-drive that's pretty constant, but also flexible to fit whenever his girl is in the mood.

Z=Zzz: (How quick are they to fall asleep after?)

Ace is awake for a minute or two before dozing off eventually, Nancy stays awake for a couple. He's usually really quiet after, and the only way she knows he's still awake as him drawing lazy circles in her back or rubbing her arm before the motion slows and his hand goes limp. Sometimes he stays awake enough to indulge in some pillow talk. 🩷

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles 17 ways Dark can insult you

It's been aWHILE.

Not Green practically begging this man to stop abusing Dark Link.

Shadow being insanely bitter at Green's position as the "Leader" of the group isn't well hidden here. When Shadow was in charge of things, he has shown to be very...Abusive. Like there's not a lot of ways around that lmfao. He was seemingly way less abusive to the Hinox's than the rock monster but like, we barely saw them interact.

Green appealing to Dark's emotions by stating "Shadow's kinds scary" is hilarious to me. Throw the shade Green Shadow deserves it a little at this point.

Green's got the right idea that introductions this late is probably a very bad idea given EVERYTHING going on.

I personally just love Dark chewing on Green's fingers it's cute. It's the kind of thing a cat would do lmfao. Green doesn't seem to mind it since he lets him do it till the next panel lmfao.

"Vaati's such a prick!" Shadow says. As if Vaati chose to make the curse sentient...And it wasn't like. A mistake. Quite the assumption there pal.

Ya think it would have assumed a physical form 7 years ago when he was created if that was the case but ehhhh-

As soon as Green falls into his anxieties Dark laughs like a crazy person. Because this dude feeds on emotions and that power is rated E for everyone, he doesn't discriminate against good or bad emotions.

Yeah well for laughing like a loon Daddy Shadow's gonna abuse him some more. You're a terrible dad Shadow Link.

Poor Green is concerned about Dark's wellbeing.

The fucking face Green makes after Dark is yanked is based on this meme:

Because it's funny as hell to me.

Also Shadow wrongly assumes what Dark's powers are:

I mean it's TRUE that he does feed off negativity. But the same is true for positive emotions too. Dark Link actually outright admits to preferring them on a few occasions. Dark Link is bad at being a parasitic curse.

Shadow dramatically stuffing Dark back into his hat is one of my favorite panels of this sequence. It's so dramatic and silly.

CALL. HIM. OUT. SIS.

Shadow needs to know when he's being an ass.

Green will give credit when it's due but Shadow was AWFUL TO THEM.

Some stuff to note:

Green doesn't actually answer the question on if he forgives Shadow or not. Haaaah.

That sure won't be relevant later, but it's pretty heavily implied he hasn't fully forgiven Shadow but IS willing to make an effort to accept him anyway.

Green being a bro here is smth I liked writing.

Green's hard to characterized so I ended up taking him in a different but SIMILAR direction to his cannon manga counterpart.

Like...Green didn't have a lot of his own traits vs the OG Link. He mainly just existed to be the voice of reason. Which is fine. But giving him depression means he can be a bit more interesting in my eyes than just "Diet Link" XDDDD

Green reminding us that him and Link had full conversations with each other at various points.

Which is. Interesting. I can't remember how much I dived into the concept of that in fsr rambles. But that is weird.

It suggests a level of detachment Link has from the four of them to the point he is able to have his own opinions/thoughts/and is able to do actions completely dethatched from all four.

Link is destinctly his own entity compared to the four of them...If that's the case. Where did that consciousness GO.

Perhaps a question to look into at a later date.

For now Green's giving some good ol hugs and thoughts to his pal Shadow Link.

Hah I'm sure you were glad Shadow.

And this page makes me laugh like hell at the implications in the 2nd to past panel.

I'm flabbergasted yall didn't catch that on release of these pages.

Like.

C'mon now.

They're blushing and touching each other.

Next panel they're missing articles of clothes (Their tunics specifically.) and have distinctly embarrassed looks on their faces, Green is hiding his neck for some reason and Blue's dialogue eludes to a substantial amount of time passing.

They did smth sus off screen and yall just, missed that.

I'm very disapointed nobody caught that till I pointed it out. I thought I was being too obvious with that shit.

Green hasn't exactly been hiding the fact he's been very eager for physical contact is all I'm saying.

LMFAO. Okay funny thing:

Shadow didn't have a bed. Because: Why the fuck would you give a shadow a bed.

Shadow also couldn't FEEL things in his weird limbo shadow state. Because he has been IN Link's bed before. Just couldn't actually feel it being comfortable.

No wonder dude has been touch starved to hell.

Idk what it is about the second to last page but I like Green and Shadow interacting and Shadow being a happy little camper.

Even though he's a dick he deserves to be happy with his family. (Smth I dislike strongly is how that dude got relegated to being Link's damn shadow at the end of the manga like...Noooooooo)

Green's had time to think about the things necessary for them all to live together which is sweet.

Link didn't do this before to have less suspicion he was actually gonna draw the sword.

Adding rooms to the house when he lives alone would have been SO SUS.

Green's excited at the prospect of their new life. Even if it'll be hard.

I did an oopsie in this page and didn't color shadow's glove and I'm not fixing it lmfao. Pretend it's there, this is a free comic on the internet. 😭

Blue yeeting a pillow at Green is funny since this is the second time this night the dude has told Green to get some damn sleep.

Greeeen can't sleep though.

I get it pal. I'm an insomniac too. 😞

Vaati's back.

And he cut his hair.

Dark's a silly goofy guy and noticed that because he's a creep.

There's just a whole other level of rude here because like:

Dark it's cut already wtf is he meant to do? X'D

Visually: it's worth noting they're in the temple Shadow dragged vio to at the beginning of the story.

Vaati has seemingly made that place his new home.

Dark's bluntness in the first panel just gets a kick out of me. He really thinks Vaati is dumb as hell and it shows.

Just to make it more obvious:

Dark wasn't ever referring to Vaati with the term "Master" in reference to he himself being Vaati's worker. He was referencing it in terms of Vaati being his teacher.

Which is like rubbing salt in a giant stab wound considering Vaati's former Master Ezlo and him weren't on good terms.

A fun thing to note: After Dark asks up front what he SHOULD call Vaati. Vaati responds with "Get off my bed" and didn't verbally protest to just "Vaati".

You'll notice Dark calls Vaati just "Vaati" from here on out I believe exclusively.

Which is pretty funny to think about because if Vaati had pulled his head out of his ass for a second and just told Dark what he preferred to be called, Dark probably would have actually listened in this moment since it was a genuine question.

Dark Link is only an annoyance if you fall into his traps. or have a bloated as hell ego like Vaati.

Vaati holding Dark Link like a spider by the leg here is so damn funny to me while Dark just, openly shows he would start touching this man the second he got to close if given the opportunity.

He did kiss Vaati without warning a few chapters ago so, don't really blame Vaati for wanting to avoid that. X'D

This entire sequence is just funny to me. But what's new.

Dark's being an oversharing weirdo and Vaati can't handle affection.

Smth I'm sure yall have noticed: Dark's expressions started off as creepy and disturbing and now have evolved into being goofy as fuck.

Dark can't emote properly. So the idea his face is just, all kinds of messed up expression wise has just as much comedic value as creep value. It can either be uncanny or silly.

The more frequently Dark makes "Disturbing expressions" the audience will get numb to it. As Dark becomes a character the audience outwardly is meant to like, smth disturbing about him becoming smth funny is a way of shifting perspective on a lot of aspects of him.

Smth I particularly like about the last panel is how Vaati visually cannot see dark but just knows he's there. XD

The fun thing about this scene is how you could really see it from both their perspectives here.

Vaati is very cynical. He's been hurt a lot (His own fault but still) he doesn't trust people and feels very alone. He misses the one time he connected with someone (Link from Minish cap).

But he's hesitant to make connections due to his attempt at redemption falling flat.

And then There's Dark Link:

Dark Link, is delusional to a degree but also painfully aware of other things.

His delusion is that he's a hero. Vaati's specifically which is why he compared Vaati to Zelda when he spoke to Shadow Link.

Vaati is the one he's protecting and keeping safe, Vaati is someone he cares about deeply even if Vaati, in every way: Sucks majorly.

But unlike Minish cap Link he doesn't try to get Vaati to change who he is.

He likes Vaati for who he is. Even if he thinks he's literally the worst.

At the end of the day: Dark isn't protecting Vaati because he was MADE too. He protects him because he wants too. And that's smth Vaati takes majorly for granted which we'll see down the line...

Dark's offering him unconditional love and Vaati can't understand that shit. Dark's loyalty confuses and just kinda frustrates him.

Since it's not logical. It's purely emotional.

Oh so much to say.

It's so hard to put into words what I think about their dynamic and why I love them. They're very messy but on equal footing. Vaati could push Shadow around and disrespect him in FSR I took the route Shadow and Vaati have an abusive parent and child relationship. But with Dark, that shit just doesn't work on Dark (at least for now) because the man is delusional as hell.

He truly believes he is not only smarter than Vaati but that he is THE ONLY THING protecting him and in a lot of ways: That's outright true.

A LOT of Dark Link's delusions have roots in reality. (Shadow saying they were "Family" so he wrongly associates Shadow as his "father" the only family Link had for instance.)

Vaati has to be kinda stupid from a writing standpoint (Cannon manga or not) because he needs to be defeat-able. His flaws boil down to making stupid as hell choices because he's narcisistic to a fault.

He can't think of shit outside of purely benefiting himself which...In the long run fucks himself over.

Dark is the kind of person you cannot argue with. Because he's insane.

Dark's not afraid of death, or pain...So it leads you to wonder what his weakness is. (And oh boy I hope that pays off haha.)

You throw something at Dark, he will spit it right back in your face 10 fold and he will be MEAN about it. Dark will low blow you into oblivion because it works.

Dark's morals are ALL OVER THE PLACE because he simultaneously thinks he is a curse made to destroy people emotionally and also thinks he's a hero.

In this case, Vaati's ego is Dark's ego.

At this point: Dark hasn't failed. He's done exactly as he's been asked in a round about way/depending on how you look at it.

I ain't even gonna pretend this scene wasn't meant to be sus.

Dark's very "Words are important" kind of guy for someone who sucks at communication haha.

Smth to note dialogue wise:

Dark's insult in the 2nd to last panel was him calling Vaati a baby effectively lmfao.

Since Picori are like mice/rats him calling Vaati a "Pup" was meant to insinuate Vaati is acting an infant Picori which just adds to the insult imo. Like instead of JUST calling Vaati a child he used language that was more suited to Vaati's upbringing.

That just cracks me up.

He went the extra mile to effectivly say "you're a poopy diaper baby huh?"

The last panel is just such: You have to get the last word huh? moment for Dark hahaha. X'D

1st panel:

Dark insinuates he is something OTHER than a curse which is odd. Though you can assume he just means he's a hero. But then again: Why does he think he's a hero exactly.

And the further conversation leads to a very odd revelation.

Vaati, by being in the four sword connected to Link, was cursed.

Which explains why Dark Link can see his memories when Vaati earlier in the comic referenced that he SHOULDN'T.

Woops.

This also explains why it works on Shadow Link. Because Shadow was magically attached to Link at the time of being cursed, Dark affects the three who were influenced by the sword and it's wielder at the time.

Dark's dialogue is further confusing/has weird implications when he asks Vaati:

"Perhaps you forgot what you WANTED, and where you WERE when you created me?"

Dark on multiple occasions has outright referenced the idea he was made to protect Vaati.

Which is weird if you think about it.

Dark wasn't made to just hurt people, but to protect something. Specifically VAATI, but this behavioral aspect makes a lot of sense when you consider he was created for.

Smth a bit morbid:

Dark Link outright states here he believes Link/his colors will kill him. And doesn't seem to care in the slightest.

Well Dark seems fine with his mortality as long as he gets to use it to protect Vaati.

2nd panel insult had me rolling it's so mean and out of pocket but what's new for Dark.

He brushes off Vaati's threats of curse breaking because: Well he's right about Vaati needing him at least for now.

We end on a very goofy note of Dark begging for more kisses if he does a good job. Which shows dude has optimism pouring out of his ass rn.

[tearlessrain]

Tagged by @dingoat (thanks!!)

3 ships

okay so this is going to be 100% ocs but right now

My Sith Warrior Kalarros and @darth-bagel's smuggler/crimelord Sylvas. look it's basically just canon at this point, I love these two, I love their relationship. it could be argued that it's not really romantic, they're both married to other people and have a few other relationships (all consensually to be clear, they're not having an affair they're both very poly). Sylvas's husband was actually the one who originally set them up for some bdsm shenanigans (because honestly the only reason Kalarros isn't a pro dom is it's never occurred to him to charge for it, and said husband is also a Sith who'd considered Kalarros a friend for years prior to that and trusted him to look after Sylvas and treat them well) and they clicked spectacularly and developed a strong bond over the years. At this point they're so entwined with each other's stories that I've pretty much abandoned my original canon for Kalarros because it's just vastly improved with Sylvas in it lol. they've stuck by each other through some rough times on both sides and consider each other much more than casual play partners by now.

Khatte and another of Bagel's ocs, their bounty hunter Liz. honestly these two are just a lot of fun and kind of happened by accident, we had minimal involvement in this they just decided to develop a mutual crush and now Khatte has firmly entered his femdom era. it honestly wouldn't have worked pre Alliance era, Liz has zero tolerance for his bullshit and Khatte is significantly better at keeping his bullshit in check with some legitimate therapy under his belt. It's fairly casual but probably one of the healthiest relationships he's ever had just because he knows she won't settle for less and he likes her enough to meet those standards. what can I say, Khatte's type is people who could kill him and Liz's type (at least when it comes to men) is "extremely competent but also kind of pathetic" so of course they saw each other and instantly had to fuck.

taking an abrupt turn from SWTOR into BG3, my Durge (or half of my Durge) Ryldimar and @elaphaemourra's Tav Dragonfly. listen I did not particularly even like Durge as a concept until these two happened. [SPOILERS REDACTED I FUCKED UP SOME PEOPLE I TAGGED HAVEN'T PLAYED DURGE YET]

First Ship

I'm honestly not sure? technically this might also be ocs, because I was writing original fiction before I ever got into fandom spaces and even then I've never really actively shipped canon characters from other media that much (I passively ship a lot of things but I don't get that invested yknow?). so it's probably Talon and Iadra, my gryphons from a fantasy thing I started writing in high school and have been continuously developing for the last fifteen years or so. Talon is actually half gryphon, in this world gryphons are shapeshifters and are capable of both assuming a humanoid form and interbreeding with that planet's closest human analog (and also humans, theoretically, though I'm unclear on whether any of them have gotten to earth and tested that, the worldbuilding kind of got away from me and it's a beautiful mess now). gryphons bond for life the way a lot of predatory birds do and these two are completely devoted to each other, and also they have the fun aesthetic element of Talon being about 1/3 Iadra's size when she's in gryphonic form (due to an Incident™, he lost one of his wings years ago and it caused him to be stuck between forms, so he mainly looks like a slightly feathery Guy with a singular wing. about what you'd expect of an oc I made in high school but I love him okay).

Last Song

uuuh the Ken Theriot cover of The Witch of the Westmereland I think.

Currently Reading

honestly I have not been doing a lot of reading lately (been meaning to get back to it but yknow) but I'm in the middle of The Black Gryphon by Mercedes Lackey

Last Film

OG Star Wars, couple days ago my internet went out and that was one of three movies I happen to have on my hard drive (take a wild guess what the other two are)

Currently Craving

Salmon chirashi. I literally always want any iteration of raw salmon combined with sushi rice. fortunately I'm refilling my meds in a few days (to be clear the meds are unrelated to my love of salmon, there just happens to be a really good sushi place within a block of my pharmacy so I get chirashi whenever I need to pick something up)

tagging (only if you want to!): @elvhenyoung, @elaphaemourra, @mercurypilgrim, @darkshadeless, @vampiraptor, @reucrion, @artpigeons, @chaoticspacefam

[darlingdivasworld]

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9 EPISODE 14

I previously mentioned that I wasn't a fan of weekly drops and Season 9 Episode 14 has unfortunately proved my fears. I was going to post this yesterday but I was too angry to formulate my words.

So the episode starts off with Anthony dancing a solo, and when the team walks in on him doing so, I can easily predict that he is going to be dance captain. I don't necessarily have a problem with this as he was appointed head choreographer, so it makes sense.

What doesn't make sense is the whole A plot of this episode. A-Troupe find out that an anonymous complaint has been made against them that they're not dancing to "Internationals standard." Last time I checked, you qualify for Internationals by winning your Nationals, which The Next Step did! And the fact that this complaint is taken so seriously that TNS has to requalify is ridiculous. You're telling me that any dancer from anywhere can make a complaint about a studio not being "up to par" and Absolute Dance will just make them reaudition...huh?

Anyway, Anthony is really stressed (and bless him honestly) as his first challenge as dance captain is to get TNS back into Internationals. Unfortunately for him, our 'Internationals Consultant' is here and takes charge of everything. I'm actually lying because our Lord and Saviour Eldon over here waste A-Troupe's precious rehearsal time by showing off how many pirouettes he can do and his past Internationals stories.

And I'm well aware that his stories from Internationals are for those OG fans, but it was so grating. Eldon, to me, was like those fans who, no matter what, insist "s1-s3 A-Troupe are elite and the new seasons are SOOOO bad. Also, when is Jiley going to have their wedding in Studio A???"

I'm assuming the writers thought the audience would find this amusing thinking along the lines of, "Oh Eldon! He's such a silly doofus!" But I, alongside the 4 members of A-Troupe, are begging him to stop talking. Side note, why isn't the whole team here for this? Like, I'm pretty sure all your hard work is on the line here???

After a while, they trick Eldon into finding lucky coins and begin the live stream. It goes well until Eldon comes back and takes away Anthony's authority, but its totally fine because they're back in! Also, Team France have to compete again simply because they're sister studios with TNS because that's completely fair.

And now, we get the most infuriating dramatic twist yet! It turns out Eldon put in that complaint for funsies! Precious rehearsal time wasted just for the fun of it. When I tell you, I'll be rejoicing when Kenzie returns (this team has been in shambles ever since she was shipped off to France).

Yeah, all this episode did was cement my hatred for Eldon. The only good thing about this episode was Adele and Ariana. Probably the worst episode of the season so far, and I'm praying they don't drop the ball like this ever again.

[a-dumbass-jester]

Og post Im just going into detail^^

OK so I started tjis like over a year ago and i never put my thoughts down anywhere and at some point I lost my yttd hyper fixation and is now violently regaining it so some stuff might be a bit inaccurate

————

{Human to doll}

I came up with tjis hc/theory of how the human dummies and doll dummies are the same because:

One(1): tragedy and angst

Two(2): I didn’t rlly like that fact that they were two completely separate people (especially clones) so this somehow became a tjing

OK SO, right after the human dummies died Midori (being Midori) was like “hm I wanna see if I can transfer their human souls/ ghost/ spirit into their doll copy”

and then he did and because it’s asunaro it somehow works

Before the AIs were put in the dolls they were conscious but just couldn’t move without the ai put in.

Because the AIs gave them the ability to move and do basically everything their souls attached itself to the ai

(PLEASE bear with me)

As for Hinako I don’t rlly know how exactly she becomes a doll but I assume asunaro has a doll (and ai) copy of her (because why not) and Midori did a similar thing to her but her doll was like underneath the coffin or smth

Summary: the dummies human soul was transferred their doll copy after they died (all six(6) of them) and it latched onto the AIs

————

{how their all "alive"/ together}

OK so this whole thing centers around kurumada being the dummie that is still alive so he can miss the others and ask to see their AIs

Because everyone remembers everything and because everything asunaro rebuilds their dolls

This is also for selfish reasons to because they’ve literally gone from being human to doll and can and have experience the differences and uses them (as much as they hate it) as test subjects to test differences

Summary: kurumada is the only dummie left alive and he missed the others a lot so he asked so see their AIs

Asunaro then rebuilds their dolls after the death game 

————

Most of this ending actually focuses of after the game

Human dolls

Ok so most of the time after the game they stay at asunaro because:

One(1): their like legally (and physically) dead

Two(2): they’re dolls. They wouldn’t age , I would be weird if someone just stopped aging(ESPECIALLY the kids). They’re made of plastic so if anyone got hurt they would just crack (especially kurumada with him being a boxer)

So most they just stayed with asunaro

Sleeping(even though they don’t need to any more) in the rooms the participants slept in in chapter 2

Also since they would be staying there for god knows how long asunaro let them customize the rooms however they’d like

Also because Asunaro kinda did:

- Kill them

- Stuff them into dolls

- Take away any life or future they would’ve had

- Keep them here

(-experiment on them)

So asunaro’s kinda like “yeaaa, Soooorrryyyy about that” and like lets them to whatever they want. They’ll also like get them stuff from the store or smth if they want.

————

Floormasters

OK SO tjis part is basically like 100 years later of smth, Sara (who won and took over asunaro) has died and asunaro did another death game to have someone take her place.

The dummies were used as floormasters because:

One(1): The irony of having people who were victims of the last death game and turned in the ones in charge

Two(2): They didn’t rlly have anyone else so they just went with them

So asunaro whipped their memories, messed with their heads and personality’s and turned them into floormasters

(I have entire designs(kinda) and concepts on what they would be and look like)

————

Finally resting

So after they’re back to normal, and the new participants find out about all of this they set a plan to finally free the dummies and let them rest

The participants delete their AIs from the database(?) and set their dolls on fire so their no longer attached to their AIs and can be freed.

————

Ok!!! So there is that!!

Hope you enjoyed, i guess!!

This sounds kinda bad written but here I guess

I wrote this at like 3/4 am

[alteredsilicone]

[swap AU]

This time pondering Albrecht and he how got noticed by Executor Loid and how the Alloid dynamic develops.

-Loid is an Executor and also a Void researcher, part of the committee of the main Archimedean Symposium. I'm going to assume whatever Yonta talks about is some sort of main event that all Archimedeans know about, would make sense that an Executor is in charge of it/a major patron.

-Albrecht obviously attended said symposium with his research; he is a genius researcher, but dabbles in some "dubious" theories, gets criticized a lot. However, Loid takes interest - he has some knowledge that has not been published and gets a hunch that Albrecht is reaching similar conclusions to him. The two actually gel really well and can spend hours and hours talking about Void research - Loid sees Albrecht as a curiosity at first, since he's a human, but unknown to himself becomes infatuated with Albrecht ( follows the same routine of: Loid fell first, Albrecht fell harder). Albrecht is just happy that finally he has someone who is not his daughter who will listen to him ramble for 3 hours straight.

-Albrecht in general is more loyal to the Empire than his canon counterpart for two reasons: 1) he cannot afford to be openly heretical since he would easily get jailed, glassed or Jade lighted; 2) he is not an Orokin so was definitely raised to value the Empire and accept Orokin as superior. Plus I think it's safe to assume you have to be appropriately loyal to the Empire to become an Archimedean. You are a tool of the system after all.

-Of course once Loid becomes his patron and Albrecht builds his labs on Loid's estate, his research steers more and more into the heretical: rumors start spreading of Albrecht being an Alchemist. Loid also has to start maneuvering more carefully during social gatherings, as his influential Orokin "friends" become curious of his Archimedean.

-The Alloid dynamic is a slower burn and more oblivious on both sides: a) Albrecht reveres Loid the same way his canon counterpart does, but it's less of a "wow he's too good for me" and more of a "he's a splendid, perfect Orokin scientist and literally can do no wrong (and too good for me)"; b) Loid doesn't know how to deal with his feelings so he attempts to win Albrecht's affections by bankrolling his every need (he funds Albrecht's research, Euleria's education and helps her publish her books etc) - Albrecht sees this obviously as a non-romantic gesture and simply proof that his Orokin Master is on the same wavelength and approves of his research; c) Albrecht always to me seems as really dense when it comes to other's feelings. Loid could be lying half naked on a couch and Albrecht would go "Master Loid must be feeling hot in this heatwave". d) Loid is the one who steps into the Void portal and gets torn to shreds by Wally, Albrecht is put on the spot and having to take care of Loid is something he struggles with BUT it also gives a chance for their relationship to actually develop*

*Loid also has an entourage of servants who actually take care of him, but after the Void dive, Loid does a complete 180 and becomes a husk of his former self, locks himself in his room, refuses to talk to his servants and they all freak out because they don't know what to do or how to act without Master Loid leading them. So Albrecht is forced to step up because 1) He is Loid's closest confidant at this point. 2) He is higher class than Loid's servants so they actually kinda sorta learn to respect him and listen to his orders.

Albrecht then takes some actions closer to his canon self where he is the one who wants to fight the Indifference, because a "practical" solution is the only way to deal with it. Loid is cautious and scared, he does not want to prod the dragon any more, but Albrecht does not know any other way to protect the man that he has suddenly found himself in love with.

There may not be any 1999 shenanigans, but that is only because I don't know why og-Albrecht did what he did, so if this AU survives my attention until we get WF 1999 I might add onto it.

Also this was supposed to be a silly "what if" but turned into a pretty in-depth rewrite lol

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E2 Skip, Hop and Thump!

Mind-wiped 1950s Jughead Jones who doesn’t remember the true universe reads things like Pit of Tyranny and Things of Darkness while in bed with a very happy looking Hotdog (he’s so shaggy!) wearing long johns with gray socks.

“Superheroes were out! Horror and crime comics were in!” Jughead says. This I guess is Riverdale’s parting statement about the State of The Culture as of the airtime of this episode (April 5, 2023 in the US). We are not with the MCU! We’re doing something else!

Jughead is still wearing the felt crown on his head, in bed, in his long johns. Does he never take it off? Is it on his head in the shower too? Does it function like glasses? As in sometimes when I change clothes I have to take the whole thing off but other times I don’t. How does it stay on his head? He’s either been reading all night, or he reaches for one among a pile of comic books as soon as he wakes up every morning the way I reach for my smartphone (a tech he completely failed to explain properly last episode) to see what’s happened on tumblr? Many thoughts about the first 25 seconds of Ep 2.

Jughead says he and his friends are obsessed, before he sees something he doesn’t like. Jughead marches into school with a crown pinned to his head (it has to be pinned), a side slung book-bag and Charlie Brown’s mustard yellow sweater with the black stripe across the chest. They are not fooling around in the costume department at Riverdale the Show.

Mind-wiped Jughead speaks with the same weird cadence now as 50s Archie who may or may not be aware that he is in an Alternate Universe: much more singsong, elongated vowels, generally slower speech. He tells his group of comic book loving friends - Ethel (Hi Ethel!), Ben Button, and the AU Dilton Doiley. (Why couldn’t they get the OG Dilton back? Did he refuse to cute his beautiful long hair for this time skip switcheroo?)

Jughead is in a high dudgeon. He says the comic publisher “stole his story!” and that he should “sue ‘em!” One of Jughead’s minor themes is that of plagiarism and accusations thereof. He was first accused of plagiarism (wrongly) while at Stonewall Prep which then led to his being, in essence if not in the legality, expelled from that school for the said charge. As an adult he then had an entire novel stolen out from under him by Jess, an ex, with one ex, Betty, and one future girlfriend, Tabitha, helping Jess steal it, after which he tried to steal the novel handed to him by the one night stand that blackmailed him into reading it. He fessed up to that one at the last minute, but it cost him his writing contract and his relationship with his editor, a gruff-but-loving father figure in a life woefully deprived of a reliable fatherly presence. And now, in this timewarp 1950s, he is certain that a publisher stole from him.

Can I just say - I love maniacal Jughead. Whenever he gets like this, his eyes get really weird and bright. He just loves to be vibrating in outrage, with or without his core memories. Dilton thinks he’s being illogical, Ben is too sick of these forays into mania to even continue to look at Jughead, but Ethel is fully turned on. Ethel has a really really beautiful pair of eyes on her, and she’s getting very bedroomy at Jughead about his insane sounding plan to go “pay a visit” to the publisher. Nobody agrees to go with him though.

Toni, followed by Fangs, followed by some white kid who is NOT SWEET PEA swagger into the class room just as Cheryl is making her candied-sweetness announcement about the upcoming Annual Sock Hop. I have heard of a “sock hop” but being a not terribly curious person it did not occur to me to look up what the heck that was. I knew they wore white ankle socks and had like ‘bobby soxers” and stuff so I assumed it was about wearing those socks. But no. You’re supposed to dance in your socks (no shoes).

An aside: I am furious not just at the loss of Sweet Pea (Yes, I know he left in S5 but I am not over it and you can’t make me) but the fact that they gave Fangs Sweet Pea’s middle of forehead curl hairdo. That does not work for me!

Cheryl in this universe is a specific kind of naggy person that I feel very called out by. She doesn’t just invite people to the Sock Hop. She reminds them (well, tells me, so I’m thankful for this but I think everyone in the universe knows that you don’t wear shoes to dance at the Sock Hop) that Sock Hop = shoeless dancing but then has to go on to tell boys to make sure their socks match AND that they have no holes. The reason you do this kind of nagging is because you assume whoever you’re nagging is dumber than a pile of rocks. Notice that Cheryl, whose lesbianism often comes with a side of straight on hatred of men (her Jason-love being the only exception), only lectures the BOYS about this.

She looks extremely adorable with her red headband that perfectly matches her bright lipstick.

We get a cute montage of sorts of everyone looking at their heart’s desire.

Fangs is making eyes at Midge, who pretends she wasn’t the one that turned around in her seat wholesale stare at him for no reason when he just was walking to his assigned seat. She is shooketh. Archie turns around in his seat to stare longingly at Veronica, who has eyes only for herself - she is fixing her make up in a little handheld mirror. (Foreshadowing??) Aha but it turns out Veronica knew that she was going to be looked at by someone, and has put up the mirror as a ploy to hide her sightline. We are treated to her point of view- It turns out Julian is also looking directly at Veronica. As Cheryl keeps talking, Veronica’s view goes from Julian all the way to Archie, who is fully staring bug eyed and open mouthed at her pulchritude. I have to say once more I love 1950s Archie. He is so guileless. In this age of being stuck being penpals of people on what’s supposed to be dating/ hookup apps, this level of direct physical statements of intent, of clearly twisting your spine to give someone A LOOK feels very refreshing. And (More Foreshadowing??) Veronica’s gaze does not stop at the agog-Archie. It continues on to Betty, who looks very annoyed at the way Archie is gawking at Veronica. She gives Veronica a disapproving look before turning her sights on to Kevin. Or rather, the back of Kevin’s head, because once more, Kevin is not looking at Betty Cooper.

Which basically tells you everything you need to know about Kevin, because HAVE YOU SEEN 1950S BETTY COOPER?? Why would you look at anyone else ever? But of course, Kevin is looking at the new student who I have assumed is Chuck Clayton but absolutely isn’t, because even in an alternate universe Chuck Clayton would not be not straight. (Lucky me, I guess? Ugh.)

Cheryl, who has been going on and on this whole time about how the Sock Hop is going to be “Both the Bee’s Knees and the Cat’s Pajamas” (very interesting that so far, 1950s Cheryl doesn’t use 19th Century syntax) positively squeaks as she announces that Kevin and the Crooners will be performing at the dance! Betty, who is very good at certain kinds of support, reaches over to squeeze Kevin’s arm at the mention of his name, which finally gets him to take his eyes off the boy of his dreams.

The bell rings, and Archie chases her down. Veronica’s headband matches her dress and I have bangs and shoulder length hair and am seized with an irrational desire to wear a headband. Archie wants to know if Veronica wants to go to the Sock Hop with him. Veronica is pleased, but she doesn’t say yes. Instead she asks Archie if he knows how to cut a rug.

Archie looks down, then away, making an uncomfortable face. Veronica assumes that Archie doesn’t know what Cut a Rug means. She thinks Archie is really, very, extremely dumb. Interesting. She asks “Are you a good dancer?” by way of explanation. Archie’s response is still delayed. He dredges up a “Oh! Yeah. Of course I am!” and - the performance is really hilarious to me because I’ve watched it three times in a row, just this exchange and honestly I CAN’T DECIDE if Veronica is right that Archie does not know this extremely commonly used idiom in his one and only language OR if it’s because Archie does have fluency in his mother tongue but is simply bad at lying to the girl he likes a whole lot (He can’t dance, it’s later revealed). Veronica says that she believes him yet will “still need a demonstration.” Then she calls him “Daddy O” which turns him all so hard that all the blood from his brain goes somewhere else in a hurry and he just is mutely nodding. Oh Archie.

Toni Topaz, looking excellent in her ponytail-with-bangs, oozes up to Cheryl who eagerly asks if she’s going to buy tickets to the Sock Hop. “Are you asking me out?” is what she says, which then rings about the cutest meltdown. Cheryl entirely fails at sounding outraged because she’s elated, but is aware that Midge is there, so she stutters (to Midge, by turning her head away from Toni) that she OF COURSE ISN’T asking Toni out because - because she’s the *host!* And and and (Cheryl never stutters, but here she is, stuttering) also she’s a … [unspeakable word: GIRL] and Toni is also [unspeakable word: Girl]!! And girls don’t!!

Toni makes fun of Cheryl - smirkily asking what she means to say: “Girls don’t what? Dance with other girls?” and then says “Calm down, Peggy Sue.” To add insult to injury she then talks about how Fangs is a singer who deserves to be in the lineup for the music for the dance. The dirty look that Cheryl gives Fangs is a balm to my heart. I stan Cheryl Blossom for many reasons, but her persistent hatred of Fangs makes her my avatar. Cheryl suddenly remembers that she does not like anything associated with the Southside, and so is rude about the Serpents. She doesn’t want them at her Sock Hop because they will “Start a Rumble.” Toni tells her nobody will buy tickets to this thing with Kevin’s “B-grade barbershop quartet.” BURN. Fangs follows Toni around like he always used to in the proper universe, but this time he says bye to only Midge, who pretends rather incompetently that she is not all about that attention. Cheryl smacks her.

At PEP comics, which is in the building that used to house the Charles Smith FBI Field Office in the future, Jughead Jones is waiting impatiently for his turn to speak to the editor in chief. There’s a secretary lady and a young male assistant to the EIC. Jughead is determined to have his say, and his trying to stay true to that purpose while being obviously a bit intimidated by Al Fieldstone is very cute. He can’t even face him head on, instead angling his body towards the door in case he needs to skedaddle for his life in a hurry.

Mind-Wiped 50s Jughead speaks in the same OG Disney Channel (like, when Walt was on shows on it) Ozzy-and-Harriet, the OG Mickey Mouse Club candances as Archie. It’s very funny when placed against the more natural delivery of Al Fieldstone. Jughead is very scared but he says what he came to say. “I submitted a story that you - rejected it. And then- surprise surprise! - you ran a story that was exactly like it! Now, you might call that a coincidence, but I call it theft!” Even the way he puts his little hands on his little hips has no conviction, because Jughead is so intimidated by Mr. Fieldstone. He looks a little astonished at his own moxie at having said all this to this man.

Fieldstone growls that there are “no original ideas” and that he has hundreds of submissions every week which are all “slop” - and Jughead stutteringly insisting that the “timing” and “details” are too much to be a coincidence? Fieldstone rolls right over him. Filing cabinets, he says, are filled with every germ of a story idea he’s ever had. Fieldstone boasts about a backlog he’s “waiting to farm out” to potential writers. Jughead is very gifted at making the most of opportunities, I guess, because he immediately volunteers his own services as a writer.

“You’re looking for writers??”

“Always!”

“Well I’m! A - WRITER.”

Again, Jug looks so amazed at himself, for calling himself a writer in front of an actual publisher His eyes hold more than a small amount of fear that he won’t be believed, and won’t be allowed to claim this title. But he doesn’t blow it! Jughead wants to know how he can be ‘considered’ for a writing job, to which the editor in chief hands him a slip of paper with the aforementioned story kernel on it, and tells him to come up with “seven pages” that won’t “make him want to puke.”

Jughead leaves elated, entirely having forgotten about why he came to begin with. Obviously, Fieldstone has been through this spiel thousands of times before. What writers want, according to Riverdale, is not actually justice in the event of a plagiarism event. What they want is a paying writing gig, and the offer of one will make them forget everything else.

Meanwhile, in Betty’s bedroom, Archie confirms that he indeed knows the phrase “cut a rug” but he has a panic response to the word “dance” because he once broke Midge’s toe attempting to dance once. Betty is going to teach him the twist. She tells him to move his hips from side to side. Archie’s hips stay stock still but he moves his shoulders in rhythm which is a start. Betty tells him less shoulders, more hips, but then he just has a body disregulation event. It makes Betty give up right then and there, switching them over to slow dancing. The song says “Be miiiiine/ For the Rest of my Life” while Betty and Archie in a peachy glow look lovingly at each other. Oh they are so cute.

Of course, this is when Alice Cooper has to come barging in. She is scandalized. While she shuts off the music, Betty and Archie try to explain that they weren’t doing anything bad, that Archie was gearing up to ask out “The new girl” (according to Betty) who is “a celebrity from Hollywood!” (according to Archie). She summarily kicks Archie out. I LOVE Alice’s outfit - the floral print, the wide skirt, the green cardigan, the skinny pink belt, the super high heels. This looks like the more uncomfortable thing you could choose to wear at home, but it look undeniably excellent.

Meanwhile, in the extremely big traincar in which Jughead lives, we have AN ETHELEHEAD MOMENT. Jughead has shown his draft to Ethel, who says she is so jealous of the opportunity he has to submit something to Pep Comics. Jughead says she’s as good as anybody, then goes on to offer that if his story passes muster, he will recommend her as an artist to the publisher. This is so cute. I love this. I also like it in general when Jughead Jones has a nice looking place to live.

Cheryl is obsessed with selling tickets to this Sock Hop thing! She drives solo to a lakefront piece of land where clearly people go to fuck in their cars, then does an INSANE thing. She knocks on windows to ask if they’ve bought a ticket. Of course, the first car she picks is the one Fangs is in. He rolls down the window for some reason to reveal Midge who looks scared and is in a pose that looks like she either just got done or was about to give head.

WHY DOES FANGS LOWER THE WINDOW???

Cheryl has a very Penelope Blossom freakout. “One of my precious Vixens with a common greaser! SACRILEGE! GET OUT OF THE CAR RIGHT THIS MINUTE!” Ah there is the Victorian syntax, back in full force! Further, the sheer power that Cheryl has is amazing. Midge, whinging, does exactly as she’s told. Cheryl’s coitus-interruptor outfit is excellent - red skirt with white polka dots, a white coat, red barrel handbag.

In one of the cars is Kevin and Betty. I hate Kevin. To quote Nathan Lane talking to the gays of Brokeback Mountain - “Leave those poor women alone!” He looks unhappy while he is in the car with the beautiful Betty Cooper, who wants to know why she and her so called boyfriend are sitting in a car at the make out spot not touching. He can’t even come up with some sort of answer for why he’s being such a withholding jackass. She points out that he hasn’t even asked her to the Sock Hop, to be his date. The way Kevin’s closeted self hatred manifests apparently is to be a misogynist. He doesn’t apologize for not asking Betty to the dance. He says he’d assumed she’d be there, while he performs, as his fan.

Betty can’t take it anymore and plants a passionate kiss on him. The revulsion he exhibits with his hands before he pushes her off! Kevin! Then he has the GALL to call her a sex maniac because she wants to be ‘pinned.’ (Just like I didn’t really know what at Sock Hop was, I am not sure anymore that I know what the whole ‘pinning’ business is actually, even though it’s mentioned a lot in things set in the 50s and in pulp novels.) I think it’s related to ‘going steady’ and I suppose promising to dry-hump only each other (because sex wasn’t allowed at this time officially between teens, right?). Betty rightfully leaves the car so she can walk home.

“Pretentious, clunky, too much dialogue, but it’ll do” is the assessment that Jughead’s writing gets. His hands are in an anxious prayer position, his foot is tapping from terrified nervous energy, and the hideous squares of his vest do not go with the hideous squares of his red checked shirt, but Jughead gets a job! Sort of! He gets paid for his writing, in any case.

Aside: In the same way that perhaps Archie was never very talented at music (the only person who thought he had a gift was his groomer - the university professor rejected him outright, for one) are we supposed to think Jughead is a hack? He got into a prestigious writing program for college, sure, but he didn’t place at the writing competition he submitted things to that got him Chippings’ attention, his classmates at Stonewall rated Donna’s fic to be the best, Betty as an adult called his writing cringe and now this.

Is a dollar a page a lot in 1950? It sounds dirt cheap pay, to me. Oh and see - the care with which Riverdale is made! The publisher is totally gypping Jughead, who is too naive to know it, and he doesn’t give a shit who the artist is that Jughead claims to know until he says that magic word - CHEAP- in which case the publisher wants the illustrations for the 7 page zombie story TOMORROW. The way Jughead frantically throw out the word “cheap” because the editor isn’t interested at “incredible artist, young, hungry” and the way the editor immediately wants to know about the CHEAP part!

Jughead’s wholesome offer of a handshake thanking a man who (a) definitely DID steal his story after rejecting it and (b) is going to pay him slave wages for a story he churned out based on a kernel probably stolen from yet another writer and (c) is now going to exploit Ethel’s work being met with suspicion was a great touch.

The next day at school, Kevin is drawn to the music room by the siren song of melodious piano playing. It turns out to be the black student who isn’t Chuck. We finally get told what his name is - it’s Clay Walker. He says he was “horsing around” even though he sounded extremely accomplished on the piano. Clay Walker gives Betty Cooper her dues - Kevin is ‘dating the prettiest girl at Riverdale High.” Once more, Kevin, STOP TORTURING HER. Clay says he has transferred in from ‘all over’ though that’s an evasion, not an answer. His father was military and he may now be dead (or perhaps somehow dishonorably discharged?) - Clay says his father WAS in the army. When Clay asks Kevin to recommend someone he should take to the dance because he doesn’t have a date yet, Kevin says the most damning thing. That “lots of people go stag.” Which means that his level of failing at comp het is not actually necessary at Riverdale. He’s ruining Betty’s teen years and subjecting her to constant sexual rejection on purpose when it isn’t necessary for his survival. I hate Kevin.

Aside: And actually, Kevin has a lot of weird toxicity doesn’t he? I’m not just talking about the strange way he yanked Fangs around, ultimately yeeting out on the relationship that he insisted they have with Toni and so on. That and his using white privilege to steal Toni’s baby away from her. And the fact that in his soul-selling to get Broadway success, Fangs is his servant and his sexual servicer, not an equal partner. When Jughead-Narrator of RIvervale sold his soul for comic book success, he just had the comic book success and a permanent resident booth inside Pop’s. He didn’t sexually or emotionally dominate a significant other.

Archie tries officially asking out Veronica again. She still doesn’t say yes. While reading Peyton Place, Veronica invites Archie to her place later that day, with the express purpose of auditioning to be her beau for the evening. Even though this proposition is actually quite insulting, the way Veronica looks - so alluring and perfect and knowing - is inducement enough. And really, Veronica does know how to lure them in. She tells Archie as he cutely skips out, “I’m rooting for you, Stud,” in the most sultry voice. He can’t control his happiness at being singled out (when he’s by himself, no less).

Once more, I adore 50s Archie. He’s so bouncy and cute and sweet and wholesome. This is how I think Jughead thinks Archie is, even though he isn’t, and I wonder also if that’s why this is why he’s like this in the universe that is Tabitha’s creation. (Even though she didn’t take the narrating duties away from Jughead, this is, in essence, a universe fueled by Tabitha’s power, so this is in some way her version of these people, right? In which case, Betty being insanely horny as fuck all the time is actually very funny to me.)

Speaking of which, Betty wants to know how Veronica makes this happen - how she gets boys to just do whatever she wants. “So they just do whatever you say!” she remarks. Can we just take a moment to discuss how absolutely spectacular Betty looks in this green sweater and cinched-waist skirt combo? Just SO sensual and sexy. Veronica totally finds her hot. I mean, generally, my central thesis about Veronica is that she’s gay. This is why her relationships with men never quite work out. She may be bisexual sexually but she is homosexual emotionally. She loves beautiful women, and wants to love on them and dance with them and boost their confidence. So Veronica does what she does with pretty ladies to Betty here, telling her she’s “a total Marilyn” and tells her how to break up with her boyfriend - ask some other boy out and make Kevin “all hot and bothered.”

Cheryl is still shilling tickets to her sock hop dance thing, but not very successfully. She accosts Dilton Doiley.

I am sad about what they’ve done with Dilton Doiley for this scene. He’s such a stereotypical Asian nerd, of the type that Riverdale has hitherto successfully avoided. OG Dilton was a feral little weirdo, who did things like encourage Archie to get a gun. Rivervale Dilton had long excellent hair and was a different kind of feral weirdo. Reggie 1.0 and 2.0 were also not the note-for-note rote racist Asian boy nerd stereotype that 50s Dilton is. He’s bespectacled, stuttering, scared of Toni Topaz (Minnie Mouse Serpent, be gone!) and bullied by Cheryl who seems literally half his size. A gormless Asian nerd afraid of women - feeds right into the Is he gay or is he Asian hatefulness which manages to be homophobic and racist at the same time. Great.

Back at the Andrews residence, Archie has tried on Fred’s jacket so he can have something to wear to Veronica’s shindig in the evening. The jacket does not fit at all whatsoever, so he presents himself awkwardly like a pretty scarecrow to ask for assistance for his mother. Mary Andrews giggles like a Flintstones wife which she’s never ever done before. She fixes the jacket. I wish I knew how to do things like ‘let out a hem a little bit. One more normal life skill I have neglected to acquire all this time. The faces that Archie makes in the mirror are, just to keep going on about it, SO VERY CUTE. He looks so handsome, so fresh faced, so excited, so sweet spirited.

He’s so in love with Veronica’s ‘celebrity’ or maybe ‘celebrity adjacent’ status. He keeps saying that about her to the mothers, even though Veronica actually shared how miserable her present existence is. She’s abandoned by her parents, has been always neglected by them, and lied about it all only to have it humiliatingly thrown in her face. And yet, Archie is just so taken with her Los Angeles, Big City, Glamorous It-Girl persona. Poor Veronica.

Mary cries about seeing Archie in Fred’s suit because she and Fred went to their Sock Hop together. Fred apparently wrote Mary love poetry in this universe. Archie has very cute pale blue wall paper with different sports implements. Archie seems very charmed by his parents’ high school courtship.

Inspired by this story, Archie writes Veronica a poem, then gets Betty to take a read through in case in sucks.

Okay so.

So.

I object to this sort of ‘friendship’ between boys and girls. I just feel like they aren’t really friendships but some sort of (at best) unconscious emotional cruelty by one party to the more sexually interested party or (at worst) taking advantage of someone who you know is into you and you’re not sure or you think you can do better so you’re backburnering them. And having them ‘coach’ you on how best to date someone else is a pretty shitty backburner-stoking method. So in principle I dislike this, but the fact that Archie is doing it to THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN RIVERDALE (that both gay boys agree on - that is Clay and Kevin) is a bit too much.

In any case, Betty likes the poem. I was supremely relieved that they didn’t make me listen to the poem, ngl. Because I really didn’t like any of Archie’s songs either (Sorry, Arch).

Cheryl has some courage. She goes to the site of the Speak-Easy that existed in the infinite space underneath Pop’s which looks like a trailer but somehow isn’t, which then hosted the second Whyte Wyrm, and in this era is a “coffee house” which actually looks like an amazing place I’d like to go to. Toni must have incredible vision because that space does not look like it has anywhere near enough light but yet she is reading. It’s literally called THE DARK ROOM. Bikers, beatniks and badasses are who Toni thinks she’s a part of but I ask you this - why would such cool people give a shit about playing music at the goddamn Riverdale Sock Hop?? Why is Toni so goddamn invested in Fangs taking the stage at what sounds like THE preppiest event of all time??

I do very much enjoy all the weird 50s hipster lingo that Toni uses. “Take a load off” etc.

Archie has brought wholesome flowers Veronica’s thing. She is wearing the most RIDICULOUS dress. An absolutely enormous flat black bow topping cancerous looking black buttons on a painted-on purple tightness. I both love it and hate it. She is holding an alcoholic drink when she enters, telling Archie that they were all discussing Eisenhower and presidential politics. Archie and I are both alarmed that there are “others.” There are no fewer than THREE others - one of which is the cursed Julian.

Meanwhile, the Cooper ladies are doing dishes together wearing really, really high heels at night. Do - did? - white people actually live like this in the 1950s? Like, outdoor shoes in the house is gross enough to me, but to wear 5 inch heeled shoes while doing the dishes at night? That is some extreme kink dominatrix shit to me. I’m very square and preppy, it’s true, but come on! Anyway, Betty tells her mom in the most winsomely adorable way that she is having ‘fluttering’ feelings about Archie. Alice, because she’s a piece of shit in any universe, tries to kibosh that by asking if the attraction is purely because Kevin makes Betty feel ‘underappreciated.’ This bitchy comment kills Betty’s glow immediately.

We skip to Jughead looking through Ethel’s illustration work. “Holy Hell, Ethel!” he exclaims. He thinks she’s produced something great. Ethel looks so happy. I know from previews something terrible is going to happen to her, but why can’t Ethel just have some nice things! Why?? And because Jughead doesn’t seem to think her being a girl is going to be an obstacle to getting paid for her art, Ethel takes courage and asked Jughead to be her date at the Sock Hop.

Except 1) Jughead was not at all keeping track of the date of the Sock Hop and 2) when he asks “For Kicks?” as a response she caves and agrees, even though she clearly meant it to be a date invitation.

I hate this. I hate this so much. They always do this in so much media, that a girl asking a guy to go to a thing like this can never lead anywhere good and often starts out with her being rejected outright in an offhand manner. Riverdale! I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!!

Anyways, as though this wasn’t bad enough, Ethel’s very terrifying mother opens the door without knocking, bringing scary music in with her, and gives Jughead such an evil look of hateful silence that he goes from wanting to politely greet the woman (and possibly tell her how talented he thinks Ethel is) to being confused and a bit offended. Mrs. Muggs implicitly threatens her daughter and her guest with Mr. Mugg’s violence like this is a normal thing to do, which Jughead takes as his cue to leave.

At the Pembroke, which omg has a baby grand in the living room - I am so jealous when anyone has a huge musical instrument just in their living room - Archie cannot keep up with the competition. Veronica is telling an anecdote about Frank Sinatra. This might be a lie, right? Veronica is established as a liar. But in any case, I miscounted. There are FOUR, not three, other suitors in the room. The most annoying one is of course Julian Blossom, who insults Archie gratuitously.

Veronica has a fricking actual Monet in her living room. Julian recognizes it, preening that the Blossoms go art buying every summer. Bored perhaps, or maybe egotistically annoyed that instead of just being impressed Julian keeps trying to compete with her stories, Veronica solicits Archie’s opinion. The thing is, Veronica knows Archie is a know nothing. She even thinks he doesn’t know what Cut A Rug means. So she has to know she’s setting him up for humiliation, asking him for an opinion on Monet.

I do like Archie’s forthrightness. He says he prefers Norman Rockwell. Not letting it go, Julian attacks him about his clothing, which then touches the sore point that sets Archie off in every iteration - besmirching the honor of the sainted Fred Andrews. Veronica, recognizing a strategic blunder, tries to redirect everyone to a game of charades.

The Archie I know and kind of loathe finally emerges in this alternate timeline. Stiff with rage, he threatens violence on Julian before excusing himself to go. The concerned disappointment on Veronica’s face, as well as Julian being a jackass right behind her got to me.

Julian is what Bret Weston Wallis would be if Bret had been straight. But Bret wanted to bottom for Jughead Jones, so he came off somehow less repellent even though a lot of the things he did and said were just as terrible. Julian is Riverdale’s anti-heterosexual statement, I guess?

Archie tosses his poem for Veronica in the trash as he leaves.

The next morning, Veronica pays the Andrews home a visit, trying to put on her best nice girl front to Mary Andrews, who isn’t having it at all, whatsoever. Mary Andrews says about her son that he is “simple, so simple” which - OK so everyone including his mom thinks 50s Archie is as dumb as a sack of rocks. So Mary rightly tells Veronica off - “What kind of person auditions boys to go to a Sock Hop?!” and calls her “Little Miss Femme Fatale” before slamming the door in her face.

This is the most I’ve ever liked Mary Andrews in seven years.

That same morning, Alice Cooper has summoned Kevin to talk about Betty. Kevin basically tells Alice that he’s gay. “Betty wants THESE THINGS from me, but I’m not sure I can give them to her.” Like really. Any straight boy saying this to his girlfriend’s mom is almost as clear a statement of his homosexuality as saying “Mrs Cooper I want to suck cock.” But because Alice is a POS she thinks that this is normal. Or at least, she says so. I’m inclined to think she’s cockblocking Betty. If Alice in the 50s has the same sorts of things happen to her as the main universe - teen pregnancy from FP or Hal or whatever throwing her entire life off course - then she has an understandable motivation to make sure her totally gorgeous, sensual daughter is dating a gay boy who can’t stand to touch her even to keep up a straight front. Out of her bra, Alice produces a pin, and tells Kevin that what girls really want is a “fella who carries her books home for her from school or takes her to the movies or call them on the telephone.” She says the pin (which Hal gave her) will solve all sexual tension and make things be ‘pure.’

Whatever Alice and Hal have going on in this universe is just as sick as the thing they had together in the real universe.

Kevin looks like he wants to throw up, but takes Alice’s explanation that pinning Betty with her mom’s pin is going to take care of everything with a smile.

Suddenly, Toni is all about selling tickets to the Sock Hop because Fangs will be performing. Oh. Is this supposed to be an echo of like, their eventual marriage with baby stupidity in the main universe? And to top it off, Toni bullies the new Dilton Doiley into buying 5 tickets to the Sock Hop because this is supposed to be funny. It’s not and I hate it. Toni asks Cheryl if she’s told Kevin that he’s been replaced by Fangs, to which Cheryl says she hasn’t but also takes the chance to use a new hipster phrase she’s learned: “Can you dig it?”

Poor Ethel. Two hideous old white men are bearing down on her in the Principal’s office. She was doodling in Mr Doiley’s class (so Dilton is the science teacher’s kid - I feel too tired to point out this is a stereotype). It’s the illustration suitable for that comics magazine she wants to work for. Ethel’s work has a really cool R. Crumb kind of energy. So she tells the truth - she says she’s trying to meet a deadline for the Pep Comics project. The world is against Ethel, so she now has detention.

Archie approaches Veronica. He says he’s sorry he left in a huff but then scarily says, “I sincerely was going to rip Julian’s head off.” When Veronica responds with a suitably chastened apology, which she tops off with a sweet affirmation that she really liked getting to know him, Archie asks her out yet another time. Very interestingly, Veronica seems pleased that he’s still interested in her like that but rejects him for what looks like might be once too many times. She won’t be going with anyone. Archie gets rightly very annoyed, asking why she’d made him jump through hoops and participate in a dog and pony show. Veronica says it was a game, because to her way of thinking the queen bee is supposed to rile up the worker bees then fly off. Archie has finally had enough to stalk off.

Right before gym class (? I guess? I don’t understand the yellow button downs + belted blue shorts outfit they’re all changing into) Betty wants to know if Veronica has made her choice. Veronica says she’s going stag. I wish the gay girls flirting storyline was given to Veronica and not Toni or Cheryl. Anyway when Betty asks why, Veronica says without saying so that she is going alone as a form of penance for having been so thoughtless and careless with Archie’s feelings, making him do her bidding to compete for her against other boys. Betty asks if she didn’t like his poem, which Veronica doesn’t know anything about. Veronica tells Betty she doesn’t know who if anyone Archie is going with, but whoever she is “She is one lucky girl.” Betty looks at her beautiful self for reassurance, happy to hear her flutterings about Archie can maybe be explored, before skipping off adorably behind Veronica.

Immediately after, looking like 50s barbie in one of her sexy sweater-and-cinched-waist outfits of this season, Betty walks in slowmo to the beat of 80s synth music to ask Archie to the dance. I was so excited for her, but then Kevin FUCKING KELLER makes the record scratch happen by demanding that he must talk to Betty right this particular minute.

He takes her to the music room where all the sexual things happen at Riverdale High. He says he’s very sorry, mentions that he was cut from the program at the Sock Hop, and then tells Betty that she’s the “most wonderful, the ginchiest girl” which apparently means - sexy and cool and excellent - after which he asks Betty to go steady with him. Betty has doubts but the motherfucker (I hate Kevin so much right now) bulldozes over her very justified objections by promising that “things will be really different this time.” He says what I think is a true thing - “I love you” - followed by a lie - “You make my heart feel full.” Dude. He’s pulling out all the stops, manipulating the fuck out of this girl who he knows is so horny which horniness he hates because Kevin Keller in this timeline isn’t just gay because he likes men- he’s gay because he hates women. He can’t even bring himself to touch a piece of clothing over a tit. Betty has to put the pin on herself.

Ethel didn’t show up to detention because she was selling her artwork to the publisher. Mr Fieldstone turns out to not hate women like Kevin Keller. He finds it difficult to believe that Ethel, whose skin looks so clear and milky, whose collar is so lacey and sweet, could draw art to his liking, but once assured that it’s real, gives her the standing-greeting and handshake respect gestures that he did not give Jughead Jones. He nicknames her Freckles, saying, “You have some real talent” and calling her work “putrid (admiring).” And Jughead Jones, bless him, seems surprised but not at all jealous. He’s just beaming at her.

The publisher, all smiles, calls Jughead Boy Wonder, to go with her Freckles nickname, and wants to know if they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. Jug says they are “creative partners” to which she adds, “We are going to the Sock Hop together.”

Smithers has found Archie’s poem in the trash bin he was emptying and duly brought it up to her. Uhhh. So Smithers is going through Veronica’s trash every day!?! And I guess reporting on the contents to her parents?? Like, why is he examining the contents of the trashcans instead of just throwing them away?? In any case, I am unhappy because I think they’re going to read me Archie’s poem at some point.

Ethel is excited as she comes home to her terrifying parents. Her dad calls her a delinquent and they’re both immediately screaming at her. Ethel calls her mom a drunk and her dad ‘miserable all the time.’ She says she’s going to the Sock Hop, to which her mother hollers, OVER MY DEAD BODY. Oh, I’m so sorry for Ethel. Why can’t she have nice things? (I mean, because the actress is gifted and can shoulder big heavy burdens in the story, but still, it’s hell for the character.)

At the Sock Hop, which looks even weirder as a cultural activity now because it’s canon that the Cooper women wear super high heeled out door shoes to wash dishes, Clay approaches Kevin. He tells a terrified Kevin that he thinks Fangs is handsome, then adds that he thinks Kevin is handsome too. You know what Clay - Run! Run away! Kevin is a piece of shit! He asks for a private concert, and Kevin just looks like a deer in headlights.

Fangs, whom I hate since he undeservedly became Serpent King in S6, sings Tutti Fruitti. Everyone likes this song, because it’s a good song, but I genuinely hate this performance. I’m usually forgiving about the singing performances on Riverdale but this is unbearable. Toni asks Cheryl for a dance (Cheryl is absolutely correct that Fangs is most definitely not the next Chuck Berry. Midge is an utter airhead, given that she swoons at Fang’s horrible singing. Anyway, Toni takes to the dance-floor with Cheryl which for some reason their principal who is clearly fucking Dupont, I mean, Werther, is mad about.

They overburden the very limited vocal range of the Fangs actor by giving him Only You to sing. Overlaid over this horrendous singing is Archie’s poem which Veronica has memorized. She does a Sylvia Plath meets Ted Hughes thing of reciting a poem back at its poet. Except Archie (and uh, the Riverdale writers) are no Ted Hughes. The only thing that is getting me through it is the extremely wonderful pearls-of-many-sizes headband Veronica has on. It sets off her black hair perfectly. She asks him for a dance, but Archie after looking so thrilled, says no. And that’s because Veronica has been cockblocked by Archie’s mom.

When Archie leaves her behind, Veronica is rendered vulnerable to Julian Blossom oozing up to her. But she’s not the one with the shittiest end of the stick, actually because that honor goes to Betty, who looks so adoringly up at Kevin, who can’t bear to look at her, and seeks reassuring eye contact from Alice Cooper of all people. The evil principal - who has to be another woman hating gay man in this universe - comes to remind Cheryl that they live in a comp-het world. This breaks Cheryl’s heart, and I’m sure the sting is made even worse because Fangs is tunelessly crooning the beautiful song, Only You, in his horrendous butchered version.

In comes Ethel, blood smeared over her pretty pink outfit, blood competing with her sweet pale blue eyeshadow on her terrified face. Jughead runs to her as she collapses, and she tells him that something terrible has happened. I mean, Fangs is butchering a ballad, but yes, something even worse has apparently happened to my poor girl Ethel. Uh, also I didn’t know Jughead was packing that much cake behind so that’s another thing that’s been denied her. Ethel better not have the worst plot line after Betty this season! I swear to GOD.

[c0rpsedemon]

as a big figure collector myself i'd love to hear your hot takes

oo okay i'm going to ramble abt freeing b-styles for a bit bc it's what mfc is imploding itself over this week so they're the first thing i could think of. i think freeing's b-style line Might be the most mismanaged figure line within recent history.

the thing abt b-styles is that they have the potential to be so so so good sometimes. the siren song of "huge figure of my fave" is real and common, and it's p hard to fuck up enough to make a playboy bunnysuit look bad. but not even freeing knows what the b-style line is even meant to be, it's not their 1/4 line bc of the 10 count and i'm-being-harrassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year 1/8 scale bunnies (put a pin in those two), and it's not their bunnysuit line bc of the mikus, fate characters, touhou girls etc. which are all part of the line and yet in their canon outfits. additionally, freeing's paint jobs and sculpts have notoriously been lacking. i think gil's b-style is a good example of what i mean by this, partially bc i think it's more than safe to assume you're very familiar w him, but also bc he's the fig that made me start to pick up on b-style's common issues. i like him a lot and i want to love him but his pose looks more like that of a cosplayer replicating his iconic pose than one he's making naturally, and his face is... not the worst gil face i've seen but also farrr from the best. his shading, especially on his hair, is near-nonexistent in photos and his armor is more piss yellow than gold. and he's an average b-style quality-wise, not one of the particularly bad ones, like the marin mydressupdarling one that mfc is currently flipping its shit abt, or the melody oc w the pink hair and green lingere. b-style is prone to (and getting increasingly comfortable with) releasing figures w bad qc, minimal shading, and merely 'ok' sculpts for ~30,000 jpy (with increasing prices).

additionally, i think their rerelease policy is somewhat predatory. it used to be a widely agreed aspect of figure collecting that bare-leg bunnies are kinda really ugly but w the kirigiri danganronpa bare-leg going up for preorder, the bare-leg activists have been coming out of the woodwork under the impression that they're an oppressed group bc of their... anime figure preferences. subjective taste regarding bare-legs aside, there's no claiming that a bare-leg release is the same as a rerelease, especially when the tights being real fabric is part of the original's selling point. the few remakes that actually change something besides the tights, ie. recolors or like. tiger taiga, are always something fans want more than the og and always announced not until after people who would have otherwise skipped out on the plain version had already paid for it. it's all deliberate. if freeing doesn't do straightforward rereleases, then their aftermarkets continue to skyrocket, and they can charge more no matter how subpar their figures can be bc people have gotten used to paying insane prices for b-style bunnies.

and then there's the actual designs of the bunnysuits themselves. don't get me wrong here, freeing has done a great job on some of its bunnies. madoka and homura come to mind as some of its best original bunny designs, and they've done a great job adapting some canon bunny designs, like miku and haruhi's, percival's even came out so nice that i'm this close to playing eiyuu senki just to justify hunting her down. and i'm not even completely opposed to plain bunny designs, i adore black rock shooter's b-style and there are a lot of complaints to be had with hers if you're looking for them (she's literally had canon bunnysuits which were more visually interesting + almost all brs figures are variants of THE gsc 1/8 scale just w slight differences and this one is no exception + the combination of the two make it downright lazy). but most freeing bunnies tend to fall less into the category of 'how would this character wear a bunny suit' and more 'we put this character in a bunnysuit!' the love is war girls come to mind as an example, but there's also that one girl who always wears an american flag bikini top in her show, and who got a bikini top on her bunny but it was just plain blue, or komi, famous anime girl from a show i've never watched, who every1 briefly lost their shit over bc (allegedly) she's wayyy too shy to wear something like that and also should've been a cat and although i don't know who tf she is, i'm inclined to agree w them. you could remove the head of almost every b-style bunny and without fail it'd be hard to guess who's who. which is where some of the criticisms regarding 'hey why are there so many underage characters being made' come in, and while i think that it should be judged on a case by case basis (esp considering how bunnysuits seem to have a slightly different cultural connotation in japan vs the west), a lot of the time when underage girls' heads are thrown on the bunnysuit-clad body of what could have easily been any other adult, and when the bunnysuit takes priority over the character, i can really get where they're coming from. i want to praise bicute bunnies as being better than b-styles in regards to character > bunnysuit but tbh i think they sort of moe-blobify every1 they make but so far it's only been miku, sonico and re:zero girls so. it remains to be seen.

and this is the point where i have to cycle back to the 10 count and i'm-being-harrassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year bunnies and the fact that freeing is weird abt the concept of anyone amab being viewed as attractive, esp in a bunnysuit. i feel like bunnymen have to be one of the most highly sought-after figures by the rapidly expanding female collector-base (esp those on tiktok and youtube) and yet there are.... 4 b-styles by freeing, and all 4 are 1/8 scales instead of 1/4s like the rest of the line. more specifically, they're the only figures in the line which are less than 1/4 scale, save for one singular 1/6 that wasn't Just produced by freeing (it has 2 manufacturers listed) and seems to be a much more complicated case than any of the others so i'm just going to ignore it as the exception that proves the rule. it's almost as if ppl who are attracted to men are being de-prioritized in the eyes of freeing as lesser consumers. it's not even justifiable to say something along the lines of "oh. well clearly they were taking a risk and thus decided to go with the most popular scale" bc 1/8s are... not that. 1/7s have ruled the figure world for a while (and for good reason) but that's not what male figures would have you believe, as 1/8s are the most common scale. i just think that it says a lot for the figure line which has a gimmick of making figures that are huge going for the literal most common scale (which is also tiny) the second it comes time to make a man is. hm. freeing does have an amab nonbinary* (*i've never watched the show but the wiki uses they/them) 1/4 scale bunny coming up of rimuru from the fucking. slime isekai. but. 1. they look more like a girl in the b-style than they do in p much any other figure of them, and 2. with the extreme popularity of certain similar characters, why is this only happening now? and it's at this point where i have to turn to a question which has been bugging me since i started writing this: why is there no bridget b-style? i honest to god think that, out of the wave of bridget announcements that swept through last wonfest, freeing b-style has to be the only major figure line that didn't announce a bridget. which could mean nothing. but also there's no b-style of felix from re:zero, who actually didn't get any mass-produced figures overall so i guess she wasn't that popular in japan, poor girl, and despite the fact that my introduction to figure customization was through b-styles being made of this character, and i've never seen a b-style custom that Wasn't of this character (beyond putting tights on a bareleg or w/e), and this character notably having an alternate bunny-themed outfit, there's still no b-style astolfo. and yeah. could mean nothing. but also if it does mean nothing that's a massive loss of revenue on freeing's part. but it generally rubs me the wrong way to think abt how the only """male""" (which i say bc figure collectors can be inc transphobic at times and i doubt there's that big a gap between customer and manufacturer in this regard considering... everything) figure who isn't openly presenting masculinely allowed to be in the 1/4 scale b-style line is uhm. technically a slime. and thus isn't polluting the good pure bunnies w the presence of a penis.

also this is a nitpick but the fate b-styles are generally inconsistent and it makes me mad. gil artoria^2 in their normal outfits i get bc they're super popular but also it'd make even more sense to have mash there. a few canon fgo bunnies (scáthach artoria ruler koyanskaya) makes sense but i'll still be upset abt no saberstolfo and there's an infinitely larger audience for her than koyanskaya. and then there's chloe and illya from prillya and all i can think of is who wanted this. i mean i know who but they're proof that type-moon aren't stopping freeing from putting their characters in bunnysuits even when they don't wear them in any official sources so like. where are the f/sn heroines. why aren't there more fgo bunnies. where's nero. freeing's character decisions upset me a lot of the time.

also the marin mydressupdarling bunny is lazy and looks bad and they should be ashamed of themselves for that one.

[seeking-sanity]

Climbing Mountains

I never imagined myself hiking a mountain. 4,802ft at that... I never had a desire to spend time walking up a hill to walk back down, just to say I did it.

What I also never knew, was how much that hike would change my self reflection.

I have struggled with so many esteem issues. Weight being my "best handled", self-acceptance, self-worth, personal value, capability... being fully transparent, I didn't think I would ACTUALLY do it. I've never done more than hills, and really avoided those at most costs. I wanted to do this, because I was challenged. I wanted to do this because I said I could... to someone willing to hold me accountable.

I woke up far too early on a Saturday, completely ill-prepared... Ate the wrong breakfast [and regretted it for the rest of the day], drank too much water too fast, and wanted to quit on myself more times than I would ever admit...

I heard a man that has patiently showed me a kind love, a caring compassion, a friendly banter; tell me I could do it. Over and over. "just keep taking the next step, you got this." he was probably sick of saying it... I heard the sincerity in his voice at the trail head as he promised me we could turn back at any point...

we had driven 4 hours in moderately annoying traffic. I insisted on blasting a mystery playlist a zune I had incidently recently found and charged. I sang in my out of tune, doesn't really know all the proper lyrics and makes em up as I go, top of my lungs, 2000s angst voice.

He laughed at me and gently persuaded the skip button through the most annoying songs of our youth. Limewire downloads that digitally decayed over time, only one skip away from finding a vintage CD collection and a discman with the OG skull candy...

I insisted on bug spray, pushing the "i got this" confidence to the max with the deet 40 and fly spray... he spent the entire day helping me acheive goals I didn't know I had...

We got to the top of the moutain in 5 hours, the goal was 4 up 4 down. We made our day in 8. With breaks, and pictures, and a backpackers lunch at the summit. We shared a few moments with other hikers along the way... but what I didn't realize, until now- weeks later... we shared something more- trust.

I trusted this man with my life. Literally. I trusted him to accept my limits, push my boundaries, and accepted his encouragement when I had nothing left in me. We stood together on a 4802ft mountain, but it was the absolute top of the world.

It has been my experience, that people don't invest in people like me. People don't put effort into climbing walls, breaking gates, tending gardens filled with every sign of neglect. It would have been easy for him to quit on me too. To turn back, to act in any manner other than the gentle strength he shared to get me there.

It has been my experience that people I would do anything for, will do so little in return. I have raised children I didn't bear, paid bills that were not my own, funded vacations to places I didn't want to see. I have always only ever gotten what was easy. Effort, rarely at best.

This man... this kind, sweet man- has only ever gotten the most authentic me. the "take me as I am", the hardened shell after abusive heartbreak. He has gotten the reaction to assumed intention, the lash out of familiar behaviors even though he didn't follow the trend, he has gotten the "i'm not running, but I'm not trying either" version of me most of the time...

Not to say I'm reckless. Or that I disregard his feelings. I just- was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to fall into fitting the same mold...

This man proves daily, in a thousand consistent ways, he is different.

I don't beg for attention, I don't lack it either. I don't exhaust myself looking for activities, he makes an effort to plan dates too. I don't search for a connection constantly, insecure that it will cease to exist at any time... it just blooms. Like mountain laurel on the appalachain, beautiful. simple. strong, well rooted.

I climbed a mountain, with a man I wanted to spend time with. What I found on top of that mountain, was the insight to a man that was finding ways to show me everything beautiful. To share the moment with me.

The top of that mountain was a moment I hadn't even thought about, taking credit for the work it took to get there. The "don't quit" that was said so gently, screaming echos in my soul... he believed in me, for what seemed impossible to me.

We hiked back down that mountain, my whole body felt different. I appreciated it more. I was capable. I am strong. I walked beside the man that is making me believe I am as beautiful as the sun rising over the peaks... I hiked down that mountain with a confidence, a feeling of overwhelming success. Everyone else has quit on me, fell short of being willing to cheer me on for one more step... I conquer a mountain with a man that didn't quit for either of us. He never lost patience, never lost confidence in making it to the top- and back down- and out. My steps were so much lighter. Recognizing the gift that hike was. For me, believing I could do it. For me, excited to take on more. For me, seeing a man stand beyond every trauma response pre-determined thought process... For me, making it beyond the self imposed limits, walls- that I had so carefully lived behind...

I walked down that mountain leaving behind every insecurity I had let the past burden me with. I walked down the mountain next to a man willing to stand beside me for ALL the mountains, all the ups and downs. A man willing to believe in me, even when it is hard. That keeps rooting for us, when I'm letting me drag us down. That is willing to take ONE.MORE.STEP with me.

We left that trail head, and sat in the car... exhausted. 11.41 miles of pushing my body and mind to its self imposed limits. I looked at him, smiling a big goofy smile. He laughed a little, and asked me what mountain I wanted to do tomorrow.

Do the thing you didn't think you'd ever do. Believe you can do it. Go for the one you always wondered about...

Climb the mountain.

[duckapus]

Candace 10: What’s in the Crossover?

I’ve included way too many series in this but I’m fucking committing so I’m making a list of them both for your benefit and mine.

Phineas and Ferb- Obviously.

Ben 10- Despite the fact that it’s one of the two main series that’s part of the crossover, it’s the one least accurate to its own canon, since Phineas and Ferb characters are taking the place of several Ben 10 characters and most of the Ben 10 characters that are still here are significantly altered to fit the setting.

Milo Murphy’s Law- Since it’s now impossible to separate it from P&F

Hamster and Gretel- As of posting this I don’t actually know if it’s premiered yet so it won’t really show up until I’ve seen it, but until we’re told otherwise there’s no reason to assume it wouldn’t take place in the same universe.

Marvel- Not any specific canon version of the Marvel universe, since That Way Lies Madness, but I’m still sticking more to canon for it than I am for Ben 10 so there’s that.

Lilo and Stitch- Just the movies and original cartoon, not the anime. Both because the timing doesn’t add up and because as much as I liked the show for what it was fuck literally everything about what happened during the time skip.

Kim Possible- Try and tell me you don’t want to see Kim and Candace team up.

American Dragon Jake Long- The secret keeping is slightly more lax since all the other series mean magic and the creatures that rely on it are Known About and have been for a long time, but secrets are still being kept because the Dragon Council can kind of be traditionalist fucks sometimes. Also there’s more Guardian Dragons in America than just Jake and Hailey because even if they were fully trained, in peak condition, and didn’t need to eat, sleep or anything other than their job, they’d really only be able to handle the east coast. Jake is just the main one and technically in charge of the others, or at least will be when he’s completed his training and no longer needs adult supervision.

Proud Family and Recess- Probably not gonna do much with them but they had canon crossovers with Lilo and Stitch so they’re technically here.

Hilda- Yeah, some places in Europe are just Like That in this universe.

Kirby- It’s actually not going to be relevant at all outside of Candace eventually unlocking a Waddle Doo form and a Whatever Kirby Is form, but that’s not for a while.

And then I’ve also got a “traveling the multiverse” arc planned between the OG Series adaptation and the UAF adaptation with even more crossovers but these are the ones that are actually part of the main universe.

[nineteenninety-six]

Don’t Underestimate Me

REQUEST: Hello love! I love your writings! Would you write something where the reader is Polly's best friend (the family doesn't know her yet)and when Polly wants to involve her in the family business Tommy gets super rude and mistrusts her. But she saves Polly when she's attacked and shows him that he's wrong? Tommy is lowkey intimidated but he falls for her?:)

The only note I have for this is: hngggg

Also, this strayed from the og request a bit

WORD COUNT: 1197

(Y/N) knocked on the front door of her closest friends house, she had received an urgent phone call and ran over as fast as she could and when Polly opened the door looking fine, (Y/N) released a sigh of relief.

“You okay? You sounded worried over the phone.” (Y/N) asked her friend.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Polly opened the door wider and walked back into her house

(Y/N) rolled her eyes at Polly’s answer but followed her into the house, annoyed that she ran over for no reason.

“What’s the matter then, why’d you call me?” (Y/N) shrugged off her coat and sat next to Polly on the couch.

“I wish I didn’t have to ask you but you’re the only person who can do it.” Polly sighed

“Do what?”

“The boys and I need your help.”

“‘The boys’? Your nephews?” (Y/N) had never met Polly’s nephews before, the older woman wanted to keep them separate.

“Yeah” Polly looked mildly frustrated, “Don’t think you have to do this, if you’re uncomfortable and don’t want to be involved that’s fine, just tell me.”

“Well you seem desperate and I’ll hate to let you down, so what’s the problem?”

“We need someone to go undercover and get some information from someone. We need someone who hasn’t been seen with us, someone they won’t recognise.”

“Undercover? Where?”

“There’s a club in London but don’t worry you won’t be alone. I’ll be there watching you and there will be some of Tommy’s men there as well.”

(Y/N) bit her lip as she thought it over, it sounded dangerous but Polly had helped her a lot over the years and she wanted to repay her.

“Okay” (Y/N) nodded her head, “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you!” Polly brought her into a tight hug, “C’mon, we have to go meet Tommy.”

(Y/N) felt nervous about meeting Tommy, she heard several stories about him, ranging from good to terrible and she knew he wasn’t to be messed with but it had to be done.

(Y/N) followed as Polly strut into the betting den, she struggled to keep her mouth closed as she looked around the place, never seeing anything like it in her life. Polly walked like she owned the place and judging by the number of people instantly moving out of her way and the nods she was receiving, (Y/N) assumed that she pretty much did. It was a side of Polly that she had never seen before but she liked it.

Polly came to a stop in front of an office and knocked once before she entered, not waiting for an answer. The man behind the desk didn’t seem surprised at her sudden entrance, only letting out ‘Hello, Pol’ while not looking up from the papers on his desk.

“Tommy, this is (Y/N). She going to help us.” Polly motioned towards her.

Tommy looked up at his aunt’s words and then looked at (Y/N), his gaze hard and harsh.

“No.” 

Polly scoffed, “What do you mean, ‘no’? You needed someone and I got her. What’s the problem?”

“She won’t be good enough.” Tommy sent (Y/N) a look that bordered on disgust, “Forget about it, Polly.”

“No.” Polly bit back, frustrated at her nephew, “You don’t know her, she’s great for the job, Thomas.”

Tommy opened his mouth to protest but Polly cut him off, “It’s either her or you go with your second plan. Which is it?”

By the annoyed look on Tommy’s face, (Y/N) could tell that Polly had made a point.

“Fine, but you’re the one who’s in charge of her,” Tommy growled as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

Polly just rolled her eyes and huffed at her nephew before she turned to (Y/N) and pulled her out of Tommy’s office, making sure to slam the door on the way out.

“Don’t worry about him,” Polly soothed the younger woman, “I’ll guide you and help you.”

(Y/N) simply nodded, unable to find the right words.

Two weeks later and (Y/N) was making her way into the high-class club, looking for her target. The dress that Polly got her made her fit right in so no-one gave her a second glance. Once she spotted the man she was after, she swiftly made her way over to him but glanced over her shoulder to double-check Polly was there just before she approached him.

She worked the plan perfectly and got all the information they needed but as she was finishing up she suddenly got a feeling of dread and a look over her shoulder gave her the answer. Polly was getting roughly pulled out by a man and none of the men that had been stationed around the club had noticed, so it was up to her to try and help Polly.

Quietly slipping away before the man she taking information from noticed, she quickly followed after Polly and the random man, she didn’t exactly know what her plan was but she hoped that someone else had caught on. 

(Y/N) paused after she saw them go out of one the back doors, she knew she’ll be complete vulnerable out there with no one around so she looked for a weapon of some kind. Her eyes locked on a candlestick holder, it wasn’t the best weapon but it was the only one available. 

Grabbing it, (Y/N) slowly made her way to the door and quietly opened it but she heard shouting and rapid movements, she opened the door fully and when she spotted the man pressing Polly against the wall, she sprung forward with the candlestick holder clasped tightly in her hand.

“Hey!” She yelled at the man.

The man spun around in surprise and that’s when she struck. She whacked him on the head, the man instantly crumbling down to the floor in shock and pain but when he tried to stand up and subdue (Y/N), she hit him again, knocking him out cold.

“Jesus Christ…” Polly muttered in shock.

(Y/N) stared at the body in front of her in shock as well but the sound of multiple people running towards them and shouts of their names brought her out of her stunned state. It was Tommy, John and Arthur, along with some of the members of the Peaky Blinders.

“Polly! (Y/N)!” Tommy came running towards them, gun in hand.

He checked over his aunt, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Polly nodded, “(Y/N) got here in time.”

Tommy nodded at the woman in thanks, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” 

“Arthur, you go deal with me.” Tommy waved his brother over and motioned towards the unconscious body.

He then moved over to (Y/N) and gently pried the candlestick holder she was still gripping on to, out of her hand.

“You okay?” He asked gently, seeing that she was still in shock.

“Yeah...sorry.” 

“You’re alright. You did good.” Tommy comforted her.

(Y/N) smiled at him, thankful for his support and Tommy couldn’t help but smile back. Perhaps he was too hasty with his first judgement of her. 

[ink-beneath-her-fingernails]

BNHA/MHA First Watch-Through Notes

1x01

these are... stupid... and... a mess. bc I am stupid and a mess. you have had your warning. I didn’t even go back and skim through this when I was done I’m just releasing these little bastard thoughts into the void they’re not my problem now

I’m watching dubbed btw

I know, I know... it’s the only one I have access to rn tho

I... do not know how to feel about funimation’s new intro?

well I guess it’s not really new but

listen I haven’t watched anything of funimation’s since the og fruits basket ok I’m used to the DUN-DUN *funimation* ((....you should be watching))

he is. babie. green babie.

but also why do these small children have such wild hair colors

I mean I’m here for it

I just wasn’t expecting it

oH SHIT THEY GOT POWERS POWERS

so this is the famous deku

I’m guessing this is like a flashback or memory or something?

I missed the bully’s name

speaking of the bullies, they changed order? It was wings, fire, stretchy hands, but now it’s fire, stretchy hands, wings. I know that they probably wanted to show the “leader” closest and that’s why but,,

also wtf?? these are kids. like bullies should not be a thing, I think we can all agree on that, but yeah, it’s gonna happen. but these kids are, what? eight? nine? maybe their powers (’quirks,’ whatever) aren’t super powerful yet, but this blonde kid has fire powers. has nobody talked to them about just how dangerous this is? forget roughing the other two up or intimidating them or giving them a hard time, this could genuinely escalate and get way out of hand super fast, and someone could get seriously injured.

oof. boy is dead.

this eight year old (purple hair) sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

OH

that wasn’t purple kid?? that was current deku???

wack

then this fourteen year old sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

also they were four?

jeepers heckin criminey who starts beating people up at four years old

have to say though, I loved that sky-to-puddle transition

jiminey fucking crickets I’m not even a minute into the episode these notes are going to be stupidly long I’m sorry

!! I love his little skipping-dance thing when he’s impatient at the crosswalk!

alright... I’ll admit it... his character design is pretty adorable

also tf is that thing

it looks half shark half poorly drawn dog

I mean I get it’s probably a person and that’s their quirk or whatever but

did this kid just run all the way across the city just to watch this guy start shit at the station so he could see the heroes take him down??

I mean respect tbh but also priorities kid

also I really appreciate that the cops are just kind of calmly directing everyone and everyone else is just kind of chillin like “oh. another villain. that’s too bad.” like tbh that’s one of the things that always kind of annoys me about movies and shows like this where there’s like repeatedly villain attacks because yes they are scary, especially when you’re caught up in them, but if you’re just kind of there and not directly in the action or being directly threatened, then why are you freaking out? you’ve lived in this city for how long? there’s an attack every, what, two days? this isn’t routine for you by now?

I started this like 15 min ago and am only like a minute and a half into the ep smh

ngl this intro kinda pops off

that hero guy seemed... kind of evil lookin tho

love the animation oml

also the lyrics to this are great???

OH IS THAT A NARRATIVE FOIL I SEE IMPLIED THERE

I THINK IT IS

“and they were narrative foils” “oh my god they were narrative foils”

k ngl rewinding real quick bc I missed some of the intro and there’s always so much fun stuff to see and unpack in those

also I wanna read all the lyrics

k so I was wondering this before but I’m just gonna say it... why does the hero guy have rabbit ears

alright character designs lookin p fire so far

last guy I keep missing but he kind of looks like steven universe?? idk I still have to watch that show too tbh so,,,

does the big hero guy turn into a giant bird?

oh that intro got me excited for this

these characters look so lit!!

“the first incident?” so this isn’t just like a natural factor of their world? it hasn’t always been going on? there was, like, a definitive start to it all? was that kid really the first incident or the first one they noticed? was that actually the first incident or is it just like the commonly told first incident, like an old myth/legend/folktale/old wive’s tale?

interesting that it started with a baby and then moved to people of all ages?

oh they don’t know the cause of the quirks? interesting

((why do I feel like finding out the answer to that is gonna be like A Big Thing™ at some point in the series))

I really like the visuals they put with this exposition?? idk why it’s just,,, very appealing

also his voice is very nice to listen to tbh, so that’s a definite plus

I hate it when the main character’s voice is super annoying

but like how long ago was it that this started? he just said “before long”

I like that in this universe they actually acknowledge that hey comic books are a thing and this whole superheroes/villains/powers thing is kind of ridiculous bc it’s legit like playing out scenes straight from those comic books but also this is real life and it’s actually happening and really does pose a lot of danger and complications to a lot of people, so we’re going to treat it as something real and serious and affecting us

I might’ve spoken too soon but I really hope they don’t blow that mindset

I feel like too often superhero shows/movies just either completely gloss over the effects this stuff has on society as a whole, or it’s like a completely new thing for them, like there’s never been the concept of a fictional superhero or a comic book there before.

“was an age of heroes”??? oh no what happens

k but why is this guy dressed like the ‘do not cross’ lines

kind of a lame hero costume tbh :/

why. does he have. sleeves. but no shirt.

edna mode would never do you like that honey go see her

“Death Arms”?? what kind of alias is that?? also wouldn’t it make more sense for arms to be uncovered than his chest, then??

“The Punching Hero”

I’m sorry I Cannot take this guy seriously

waterbending??

asdkfdls idk why but this firehose guy really reminds me of that one alchemist from fmab with the top hat and the monocle and the peg leg that spun like a top and Scar murked

“rescue specialist” see?? that makes sense!! it makes me so happy that they’re actually thinking more about the worldbuilding and how dangerous scenarios would work if 80% of the population had powers of different kinds, beyond “big bad guy meet big good guy. punch punch good guy wins”

also dear god thank you for putting someone on crowd control I know I was just saying it was great these people weren’t really treating this like the end of the world and it is good that they were mostly staying back by themselves but. they were still standing very close to an ongoing fight. priorities, people. self preservation. they are things. that I do not believe most people in superhero universes have in the slightest.

aww he’s too short

(but is he shorter than edward elric)

((do we know))

(((somebody please tell me if this information is available)))

alsdfkj l;a that guy calling in late bc the train got held up by the villain... do you think that’s another equivalent of “oh...I’m...sick... yeah, totally, I’m sick” and “my dog ate my homework” to them? “there was a villain attack” or “some idiot on my block decided to show off their quirk and it got out of hand”

ope Big Hero™ is here

...why am I surprised that they have fans?? I mean I guess that makes sense they’re basically celebrities and public figures right?

okay Big Hero™ is Kamui got it

wait no that is not the Big Hero™

but they are another hero and their name is Kamui got it

“Kamui Woods” ok that’s actually helpful I was gonna ask what his skin was supposed to be bc I didn’t think it was scales and it does look kind of like bark... Now going to take that as permission to assume it’s the latter

kamui kind of reminds me of some pokemon but I’m not sure which one?? I’m sorry idk pokemon v well but thy def remind me of one of them

“...a fAnBOY” he looks and sounds like he just tricked someone into confessing to murder why is he so smug about that smh

you know what. speaking of. I don’t get why everyone views being a fan of something/someone as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about?? why do people make fun of other people for it? why do we treat it like some big dark secret we try to hide? when did liking something become a bad thing? like?? sorry I have hobbies and interests and you don’t? sorry I think this person is talented? sorry I thought this book was life-changing? sorry I listen to this album so much because it’s good? sorry this show made me laugh during a really rough time? like goddamn it’s nobody’s business what you like unless you’re trying to force it on you when you’ve asked them to stop or it’s hurting someone? if they’re being safe and respectful about it for everyone involved then there shouldn’t be a problem? stop making people feel like freaks or be scared to enjoy something just a little too much? just let people have good things in life and consume the media that makes them happy? it has little to no effect on you? I don’t get why it’s you’re problem?? sorry to get all soapboxy this is something that’s always really annoyed me

does kamui have flowers on their belt

icon

k but isn’t wood like... really easy to break tho

I mean... comparatively speaking?

“illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic” alsfjsadlkf

wait so he’s listing charges for the guy, does that mean heroes are officially licensed here and can actually arrest people? and... actually work with law enforcement?? gasp no wait but I thought that was impossible except for The One Officer On The Inside That The Hero Has Convinced Of Their Cause™

hold up... “assault, robbery, and illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic... you are the incarnation of evil” ...bro chill lmao

I mean those aren’t good things but,,,, buddy “evil” can get so much worse holy shit sunflower child has no idea what’s in store for them

the show can do a hell of a lot even if they decide not to go that dark

well deku did say he was new

also off topic but I just looked it up and DEKU IS HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN ED

I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS

CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS EXCITED GREEN CHILD MEETING ED THE GREMLIN ELRIC AND JUST TOWERING OVER HIM

he’d probably get along well w al though so ed would have to like him anyways

ok but back to bnha

ope kamui just got upstaged

but honestly?? he was actin a lil cocky and she seems like a queen so I ain’t mad about it

oh great creeps are everywhere apparently

YES THANK YOU THEY NEED TO INCLUDE SUPERPOWERS IN LEGISLATION SOMEHOW OTHERWISE PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING GEEZ

just. more worldbuilding that I appreciate.

jfc they muzzled him?

ok i wasn’t that mad about kamui being upstaged (idk why I kinda like the guy) but now she’s acting a little too cocky for me and I feel kind of bad for Death Arms and Backdraft (?) because they definitely do deserve at least a little credit

yes. official. overseen by the government. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a good idea bc I’m not getting into the whole mess the MCU basically did regarding that, but it really does add to the worldbuilding and making it seem more realistic/draw you in a little more because you can bet that would be a thing that would actually happen in some capacity if such a large percentage of the population had superpowers, and crime was at an all-time high at the same time, with normal methods without powers likely not doing much to combat that, and it being even harder because everyone’s is different

wow so they really do have roles similar to celebrities huh?

I actually love how he’s analyzing the new hero

that’s!! the good!!! nerdery!!!!

ngl thought that guy was gonna be like “well that’s never gonna happen” lmao glad he didn’t turn out to be an asshole

this guy’s hair and his sweater need an upgrade

I’m sorry honey it’s just not a Look™

I mean ngl I’d probably wear it but also I am the absolute last person to look to for a good idea of fashion so

wow we hate asshole teachers

this kid’s hair grows wtf

they seriously just break out their quirks when they get annoyed?? I mean me too probably but

oh wait he’s not totally an asshole

but that still is kind of a dick move because even if it seems really really likely that most of them do, a lot of them probably feel like that’s just what’s expected of them or that that’s their best bet at an ok life, or they don’t think they’ll actually be able to get a career as a hero, and he has to know that there are kids (or at least one) in his class who don’t have powers and who will probably be shut down at every turn on that career track??

also what is it with the absurd number of people whose hair grows/flys/whatever and whose hands change chape and/or elongate

the girl who just throws up the rock n roll sign is my favorite

also why does this teacher remind me of gilderoy lockhart

I get that his eye thing is part of his quirk... but does he face no consequences health-wise from putting his grubby fingers all over his eyeballs?? you don’t know where your hands have been

ah

the famed bakugo

we finally meet

you seem like a cocky asshole and if I remember correctly you have firepowers

you know who else seemed like cocky assholes and one point or another and had firepowers??

roy mustang and zuko

and one of those guys is an awkward, angry turtleduck, and the other one is a rightly smug bastard who succeeded in pulling a coup on the government who was surveilling him and holding half his team hostage

so yeah I have a feeling I’m gonna like this guy

probably

at some point

eventually

it might take a while

“the only place worthy of me” oh dear

All Might!! Big Hero™ has a name!!

oh being a hero solely bc you want to be rich and popular? lame

aklsdfsjaslkfd teach just callin deku out in front of everyone

r.i.p.

it was nice having you as a main character for eight whole minutes I’m sorry you have to face death-by-embarrassment you deserved better

ope

bakugo doesn’t want anyone stealin his thunder

lemme guess deku is also his Main Rival™ or at least will be

awwwww poor guy

how much you wanna bet he gets the highest scores in all the exams bc he studies the heroes so much and that’s how he gets in

that lady got forcefields for her quirk? damn she lucked out

“this cash is mine” *drops cash*

are all the heroes like fine mt. lady can deal w the guy she keeps stealing all our credit anyway so there’s no point??

....is that all might?

k but... y’all should be taking notes on the heroes too if you want a better chance at that career and better schools for it? I know they’re probably making fun of it bc he doesn’t have a quirk but still

also I find it really interesting that the kids all act like the quirks are absolutely everything but at that scene on the street earlier people were complaining about missing the days they didn’t have to worry about “every rando w a quirk” or something... like maybe it’s because the kids grew up w it? Idk just the difference in mindset between (presumably) generations seems cool to look into

wow we love bullies so much

no we don’t pls stop you’re not as cool as you think you are

DESTROYING SOMEONE’S NOTEBOOK/JOURNAL/SKETCHBOOK IS ONE OF THE MOST DICK MOVES SOMEONE CAN MAKE CHANGE MY MIND

alright bakugo you’ve definitely moved onto my shitlist for the moment

don’t stay there

well you know what they say about greatness... some people are destined for it, yeah, but some become it, and some have it thrust upon them

cliches are there for a reason buddy

and either way... I could be wrong but... there doesn’t seem like anything great or heroic about bullying people... I mean idk that’s just my opinion but

god I hope they eat bakugo alive at ua

deku I know you’re a sunshine child but you have to get in now. you have to. out of pure spite. please.

yeah, friend 1b is right buddy...

destroy him deku

DESTROY THEM DEKU

oh suicide jokes huh

bakugo you’re on thin fucking ice you’ve just moved way up in my shit list

wow I hate him <3

EXACTLY

THANK YOU DEKU

I hate it when shows have someone make a suicide joke like that and just? no one addresses it?? or the characters don’t seem to realize that it needs addressing, at least to themselves??? so this is refreshing

voiced my thoughts exactly

he really is an idiot

NO BUDDY YOUR DREAMS ARE STILL POSSIBLE AND VALID

YOUR NOTES ARE SALVAGEABLE

he really is a jerk deku you’re right

awww little deku is so cute

alright I’m gonna make a prediction

this is his mom right

is this gonna be

another

dead anime mom?

and lemme guess she always told him she was sure he’d be a hero/she knew he’d become one, and then she died, and that’s why he’s so set on it

probably not

but just... placing my bets now

w h a t  is this child doing

he’s a hair’s breadth away from head-desking

are we... just gonna... ignore that robbery that was happening on the street a few minutes ago

OKAY WE GET IT YOU’RE HERE CAN YOU GO BACK TO SAVING PEOPLE THEY’RE STILL IN DANGER

HIS CACKLES I CAN’T

alsdkjf;lsjk I feel bad for him but also,,, that transition was gold

but also the face his mom made before he started laughing... she knew he probably wouldn’t get one didn’t she

but why do they assume it won’t happen if they don’t get it by a certain age? they said after that baby people all around the world were getting powers, and showed people of all different ages when they said so. that implies that they got those powers at those ages, after the baby was born but not when they were children themselves? like yeah there’s probably some point where you’d consider them “aged out” and therefore less likely to get a quirk but... she just said he’s in kindergarten.

fourth generation? so the appearance of quirks isn’t a super recent thing then

they can tell if someone is going to manifest a quirk or is starting to by looking at x-rays?

also I know I’m seriously overusing the word “interesting” but

maybe I’m reading too far into this but it’s also kind of interesting that his father and his (current) main antagonist have such similar powers?

OH!!!! lore drop!! kind of!!! that’s a really interesting (wow there it is again) thing they chose to be an indicator for that kind of thing in this universe

*cue izuku contemplating chopping off his pinky toes*

I feel like... all might’s... not gonna be that great....

DEAR LORD HOW MANY TEARS CAN THIS CHILD HOLD IN HIS EYES

also ngl when little deku’s eyes are wide and he doesn’t move he looks really creepy and kind of like a child-sized doll

like pinocchio

how sure are we that deku isn’t made of wood

hmmmmmmmmm I do love this animation

ah Internal Angst™

the fuck is that laughter??

skin suit? no thanks

but guess we aren’t ignoring that earlier scene

yeah all might’s in the city alright

he’s gonna break this up isn’t he

yepppppp that’s him

idk I think alex louise armstrong did it better sorry bud :/

“texas smash”??

he just... punched liquid apart

this kid’s still gonna go flying and hit the ground hard buddy thanks for your help

oh he stuck around

and he’s not hurt too bad

“justicing”

he’s using the city’s sewer system being difficult to navigate as his excuse for why he wasn’t paying attention to keeping bystanders safe like he “usually” does?

the armstrongs do the sparkle better

a;ldkfsdlfls this is really funny to watch ngl

“that’s... a pretty good point.” yeah no shit lmao

I love how he’s just. awkwardly patting deku.

yeah he’s gonna end up accidentally adopting this kid isn’t he

is he hurt?? or did the other guy actually take him over while deku was unconscious??

nah I think he’s just hurt I’m p sure he really did get the guy

but still

that was... a big boom.... that’s not good

he’s just.... abandoning this kid on the rooftop??

but also he probably really does have to go if blood is coming out of his mouth

do heroes in this universe have secret identities?

I feel like yes but also no??

watch as this guy’s like “I don’t have a quirk either” and he’s just. like. an armstrong or something

that or he’s gonna crush this kid’s dreams and be like “no, it’s not possible” and I will be forced to ensure deku becomes the most successful hero ever out of Even More Pure Spite™ even if he idolizes the guy

oh yeah he’s gonna get his dreams crushed

IS ALL MIGHT GONNA VOUCH FOR HIM AND GET HIM AN OPPORTUNITY AT UA BC HE FEELS BAD FOR HIM

hmm this outro kinda slaps too

overall feelin good, like it so far, definitely think I won’t have trouble continuing watching at least for now

[hatari-translations]

CYBER ft. Emmsjé Gauti - Snákar (Snakes) - transcript/translation

This one was difficult to transcribe, full of very slurred lyrics, slang and references. My original transcript was total incoherent nonsense and I just kind of threw up my hands and went “maybe this is all a bunch of weird drug slang or something”. Later, though, I got my hands on the official lyrics for the song and retranscribed it, and it’s a lot easier to tell what it’s on about, though it’s still not entirely transparent.

Please do scroll down to the translation notes, I really want to tell you about this one amazing completely untranslateable pun in here. Content warning for drugs and sexuality (including a couple that are “a little bit related”, apparently).

Icelandic transcript

CYBER:

Strákarnir í fjörunni

sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa

Snákarnir í körfunni

sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara

  Liggjum og reykjum og sleikjum allt af

Tökum og neytum, þú hleypur af stað

Svíður ekki lengur, þú sleiktir allt af

Skríður undir sandi og þú stígur á það

  Blóð í sandi, blóð í sandi, blóð í sandi, á

Vatn í munni, rauður runni, blóð og landi, á

Sitja kyrr og bíða, hlusta, hlusta á sárið, á

Sleikja og stara, reykja aðra, blæða út í, á

  Stingum og gleypum, þú kremur allt af

Lemjum og drepum, við reynum á það

Aldrei fara aftur, ef þú ferð þá fer það

Finndu fyrir öllu, ég sker það allt af

  Skríður og bíður, þú stígur á það

Skríður og svíður, þú hleypur af stað

Bíður eftir merki, ég bíð og gef það

Skríður undan verki, verkið var mitt, brah

  Strákarnir í fjörunni

sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa

Snákarnir í körfunni

sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara

  Liggja og lama, liggja og lama, liggja og lamast, ah!

Reyna að fara, reyna að fara, reyna að farast, ah!

Og mig langar helst ekki að tala, mig langar helst ekki að tapa

Hugsanir hlaupa hratt í hringi og ég eltist við það að rata

 Þess vegna vildi ég helst það væri snara

Reyna að hlaða hratt en næ ekki alveg að klára

Snaran snýst í hringi, kirkjubjöllum hringi

Útlimunum slengur, últímatum kyngir

 Sæti mitt er laust (laust)

Gleymist úti og fraust (laust)

Snerti þig, þú naust (kaust)

að sýna mér traust (laugst)

Elskan, elskan, sérðu eftir því að ég faust?

Sálarlaust og selt þú kaust að svíkja mig virðingarlaust?

  Liggjum og reykjum, þú sveikst og tókst það

Störum og sleikjum, þú veist þú vilt það

Ég tek það allt aftur, skaða í þinn stað

Skara framar í öllu, því ég faust, maður

 Strákarnir í fjörunni

sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa

Snákarnir í körfunni

sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara

 EMMSJÉ GAUTI:

Ég finn það á mér, það er eitthvað sem þú vilt mér

Ég finn það á mér, þú ert eitthvað pínu villt hér

Samkvæmt bókinni þá ertu pínu skyld mér

Endum samt svo bæði úr að ofan eins og Big Ben

  Jónas í vasanum eins og heimsskáldin, fattarðu

Lífið lyginni líkast, ég er eins og námskeið í Haraldnum

Ta-talaðu, talaðu, fíla að vera hataður

en ég drep þig í letri og verð svo kallaður Arnaldur

  Moðerfokker, já, bakkaðu, ó!

Varstu á rananum, ó!

Varstu á skallanum, só!

Þú verður skallaður

 Ég tipla á tánum til að týnast ekki í tonnataki

Taktu til í tönnunum og tryggðu typpi í tonnatali

 Grafísk hönnun, alveg lógó

Tók í burtu - tók en fór þó

Forljót sál en flottir skór, þó

Seyðisfjörður, París, Tókýó

Ljótir strákar elska kókó

Ljótar stelpur hata fómó

Apalæti, klink í Bóbó

Poki af dicks sem fást í Costco

 CYBER:

Strákarnir í fjörunni

sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa, sitja og grafa

Snákarnir í körfunni

sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara, sleikja og stara

 Strákarnir (nir nir nir nir)

sitja og grafa, skrafa, skrafa, sitja og grafa

Snákarnir (nir nir nir nir)

sleikja og stara stara stara stara stara

 English translation

CYBER:

The boys on the beach

sit and dig, sit and dig, sit and dig

The snakes in the basket

lick and stare, lick and stare, lick and stare

 Let's lie and smoke and lick everything off

Take and consume, you take off running

Doesn't sting anymore, you licked it all off

Crawling under the sand and you step on it

 Blood in the sand, blood in the sand, blood in the sand, ow

Watering mouth, red bush, blood and spirit, ow

Sit still and wait, listen, listen to the wound, ow

Lick and stare, smoke another, bleed into, ow

 Stab and devour, you crush everything off

Hit and kill, we'll give it a try

Never go again, if you go it'll go away

Feel everything, I'll cut it all off

 Crawling and waiting, you step on it

Crawling and stinging, you set off running

Wait for a signal, I wait and give it

Getting out of a job, the job was mine, brah

 The boys on the beach

sit and dig, sit and dig, sit and dig

The snakes in the basket

lick and stare, lick and stare, lick and stare

 Lying and paralyzing, lying and paralyzing, lying and getting paralyzed, ah!

Trying to go, trying to go, trying to die, ah!

And I'd rather not talk about, rather not lose

Thoughts run in quick circles and I chase them down to navigate

 That's why I'd rather there was a lasso

Try to charge quickly but can't quite finish

The lasso rotates in circles, rings churchbells

Slinging limbs, swallowing the ultimatum

 My seat’s free (free)

Left outside and froze (free)

I touched you, you enjoyed (chose)

putting your trust in me (lied)

 Darling, darling, do you regret how I left?

Soulless and sold, you chose to betray me with no respect?

 We sit and smoke, you cheated and took it

We stare and make out, you know you want it

I take it all back, all harm done to you

I excel at everything because I left, man

 The boys on the beach

sit and dig, sit and dig, sit and dig

The snakes in the basket

lick and stare, lick and stare, lick and stare

 EMMSJÉ GAUTI:

I can feel it, there's something you want with me

I can feel it, you're a little bit lost here

On the books you're a little bit related to me

But we still both end up with our shirts off like Big Ben

  Jónas in my pocket like the world’s great poets, get it

Life's stranger than fiction, I'm like a crash-course in the Haraldur

Ta-talk, talk, I love to be hated

but I'll kill you in writing and then they'll call me Arnaldur

  Motherfucker, yeah, back up, oh!

Were you high, oh!

Were you wasted, so?

You'll be headbutted

 I tiptoe often so I don't get lost in superglue

Clean your teeth and you’ll get a ton of dick

 Graphic design, totally logo

Took away - took but still left

A hideous soul but cool shoes, though

Seyðisfjörður, Paris, Tokyo

Ugly boys love cocoa

Ugly girls hate FOMO

Monkey business, coins for Bóbó

Bag of dicks that’s sold at Costco

 CYBER:

The boys on the beach

sit and dig, sit and dig, sit and dig

The snakes in the basket

lick and stare, lick and stare, lick and stare

 The boys (boys boys boys boys)

sit and dig, chat, chat, sit and dig

The snakes (snakes snakes snakes snakes)

lick and stare stare stare stare stare

Translation notes

Many thanks to @rivers90hatari​ who got me the lyrics as written in a lyrics booklet, which cleared up a lot of stuff here and got this all to make a bit more sense. The written lyrics contain various off-kilter spelling etc., so I figured I’d let my transcript be more written to be more ‘correct’ for the sake of those of you who are studying Icelandic, but to be clear, the official lyrics look a little different.

The word “faust” is used twice in the written lyrics and... I have no idea what that’s supposed to be? It sounds like a middle-voice verb, but I’m drawing a blank as to what the verb is, even if I assume it’s a ‘slurred’ spelling of it. Maybe I’m just having a brainfart, but I’m not finding anything by Googling either. Just from the context it sounds like it refers to a breakup, so I translated it as “left”, but please be aware that this is a context-based guess.

“But we still both end up with our shirts off like Big Ben” sounds like the most cryptic nonsensical line ever written, but it’s actually an amazing Icelandic pun. The Icelandic line is “Endum samt svo bæði úr að ofan eins og Big Ben”. Úr að ofan, which I translated “with our shirts off”, literally means “out on top” - basically, you’re out [of your clothes] on the top half of your body. However, úr also means a watch, as in a wristwatch - so úr að ofan could also technically mean “a watch on top”. Like Big Ben, the tower with a clock on top of it. It took me a couple listens to even get it but once I did, oh my god. Obviously this is in no way translateable, so nonsense line with a translation note it is.

“Jónas” is presumably referring to early nineteenth-century poet Jónas Hallgrímsson, perhaps the most famous Icelandic poet, who played a part in the Icelandic independence movement.

Unfortunately I have no idea what the “crash-course in the Haraldur” is about; Haraldur is a common Icelandic name, and there’s no way to find out what Haraldur is being referenced here given I didn’t immediately know. If you do know, please tell me!

“but I'll kill you in writing and then they'll call me Arnaldur” is referencing beloved mystery writer Arnaldur Indriðason - presumably, by killing someone in writing, Emmsjé Gauti will be comparable to him.

Seyðisfjörður is a town in Iceland with a population of some 700ish people; putting it next to Paris and Tokyo sounds pretty absurd.

“Monkey business, coins for Bóbó” seems to be a reference to a coin-operated fortunetelling monkey named Bóbó that used to be in Eden, a flower shop slash café in Hveragerði (another Icelandic town of about 2700 inhabitants) that burned down in 2011. That’s incredibly obscure and I was not expecting to actually get a definitive result by googling ‘Bóbó’, but given the connection both to “monkey business” and coins, I can’t imagine it’s not a reference to that.

A Costco store opened in Iceland in May 2017; it would’ve been new when CYBER’s Horror album came out.