winter rips him apart.
summer was warm, hot, his skin tacky with sweat and craving distance, revelling in the coldness that aziraphale had left behind. it soothed something inside of him, cooled down his shaking breaths, and took the sting out of his tears. it was easier to forget about him then.
not easy, but easier.
the season passed like it always does, though, and in the first weeks of fall, crowley begins to realise just how hollow his soul is. there is no warmth inside of him anymore, nothing to sustain him through the constant frigid rain and the mantle of death covering the world.
birds fly south, leaving for better lands (just like aziraphale had), trees rid themselves of their unsustainable burdens (just like aziraphale had), and immeasurable amounts of creatures bid the sun goodbye to hibernate, waiting until the world welcomes them again.
he briefly considers doing the same, considers turning his bed into a temporary grave and sleeping through winter, through spring, summer, autumn, and winter again if he must, until aziraphale comes back or the world ends and takes him with it.
he considers, and then he tries, but in the grey twilight of november, his lips burn with memories, his body craves softness and someone's heat to bask in, and it refuses to grant him an illusion of peace.
winter comes, unstoppable, uncaring, rolling out over the northern hemisphere, and crowley wants to claw his skin off.
a year ago, he had spent his days curled up under a blanket in the bookshop, dozing the weeks away, too comfortable to flee in the face of intimacy, and aziraphale had been next to him day after day after day. in the midst of his dreams, gentle touches had reached him now and again, a palm resting on his shoulder, a thigh pressed against his.
a year ago, there had been trashy movies and aziraphale teaching him how to make his signature hot chocolate, and crowley had been happy.
not just content but happy.
his fingertips are blue, his lips numb, yet he refuses to move from where he is leaning against the window, watching the snow fall. under the spell of the cold, his body slows and petrifies, ever yearning, longing for a cup of tea and the person who made it.
winter wraps itself around him like a cloak, and he wishes he could blame the season, but winter is time, and it either freezes or passes; there is no turning back. no, the aching, pale fingers ripping his soul apart like a piece of paper, tearing through it again and again as it becomes small and scattered, are his own.
crowley is heaps of brittle, yellowed leaves, is a fading birdsong left behind as its creators chase the sun, is a lonely being in the snow while everyone else breathes air warmed by others, safe from the hardening frost.
the end of the world could come, and instead of raising sword and shield to stop it, crowley would shatter beneath its force like hot glass dropped in the snow—and if it meant escaping the hold of aziraphale's absence, he would gladly let it happen.
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Re RadioDust fics, Clause and Effect by thoughtless_dreamer is also really good! It's actively being updated, it's got some really fun dynamics between Alastor and Angel in a really fun way, but also Niffty is hilarious and it brings in Mimzy in a fun way as well. Absolute top notch character development overall.
OOH! Love it when Niffty gets incorporated in things! My little gremlin <3 Thank you for the rec!! It has been added to my Marked for Later tab!!
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Life update: I am existing, just very overwhelmed with finals week. I'll be responding to threads/asks by the end of next week, once finals are over and once I'm settled in for the winter break.
I know for some people it's been a few weeks since I've given a response, and I apologize, this back half of the semester has been basically nothing but paper after paper after paper after exam after reading after paper. I will get to them probably by next Friday, if not Saturday or Sunday so I can have a chance to relax and reset my brain a bit.
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