#and for this night only i am 14
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I always liked these renders of maskless Ennard, because you never see him pose for the camera without it. Buuuut I don't like the crusty VR models, so I remade them in the chad Scott Style™️💅
Small thing I like about both of them is this little half tippy toe step they're doing. If their dawgs were rigged, I would've gave some more zest to it. 😑

Extra angle^

Rendered one of my favorite drawings of him I did, where they're drinking an oil can like a juice box. (Sucker for the "robot does normal human thing, but robot flavored" trope.)
I changed the angle, and made it so that he's using their toungue as a slope for the fluid.
Yeah, they could've just stuck the spout under thier top jaw, but I wanted it to look somewhat unnatural. They'd have to tip the can at some point, so his jaw would get in the way regardless.


I did these in sfm. I have a SL extras menu session downloaded from workshop that was like spot on, but here, I recreated the lighting myself.
Ofc I picked apart the session when I got it, so I can confirm that SL has Trans lighting. Like legit.
Looking at your subject, you got pinks&reds coming from the right, and blues&cerulean from the left, with a bright spotlight white from the front, and a periwinkle/sky-blueish back lighting.
For the oil box render, I just swapped those around, duplicated and turned down the brightness of the white layer, and changed the duplicate to teal. Also added a couple small cool-whites so you can see the matte-textured TF2 oil can, and Ennard's tongue better.
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf sister location#sister location#ennard#ennard fnaf#masq shares#I forget the power I weild being able to make scott accurate renders#14 y/o me would be bouncing off the walls seeing a SLIGHTLY more accurate fan model#the Ennard model thats used in CG5 Crawling? that was game changing to lil undmedicated me. even if it didnt do reflections well.#there was a time i only had like 20 official renders to use as reference for drawing and most have him obscured#i am grateful to be swimming in accuracy like a rich duck 🙏
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About to start my second dream bbq run
#I might liveblog this one so WATCH OUT DASH!!!!!!! BIG NIGHT FOR ANNOYING PEOPLE (ME)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#My aim is to 100% aka get every achievement and every hourglass dog#OH AND GET THE PURGE EVENT THAT TOO 100%#..... We'll see how that goes given that i thought i explored SO MUCH#and still only got 4/12 achievements and *2/14 HOURGLASS DOGS*#And I.#Am so shit. At finding things.#So um.#Pray for me 😭😭😭😭😭#BUT I CAN DO THIS!!!!! YAS..... YAS!!!!!!!!!!#calli.txt#ena
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i had so many dreams last night about making out and my jaw hurts now?
#bunny rambles#like. literally all my dreams were ab it#i actually havent been able to Stop thinking about making out with women. both the ways they love it and the ways I hate it but will do it#bc i think its fun to do things i hate bc it makes me feel good also idfk dont ask too many questions#anyway.... 6'3 beefy woman in my dream who i made out with in the bathroom stall who ate my coochie a little beforehand who had the tiniest#sweetest little a cups and at her hardest was still extremely soft and leaky and ough 😵💫 i know ur a figment of my imagination but hi#sexy dream lady 😵💫#i had another dream where i like. was in the same theater the first one started in but that time instead of being w friends & approached by#this hottie at the end i was with my wife and 2 other dykes and the 4 of us were TRYING to smoke outside and fuck in the bathrooms & there#was technical difficulties & they locked All the bathrooms in the building except One which the lady hosting wouldnt let anyone use but she#could? weird. anyways yeah so we were all gropey and kissing and then the lights came on and ough#i still think these are my brain making up a little for the elevator nightmares i had Earlier in the night#(<< i am an insomniac and even w drugging myself to sleep w weed i wake up a LOT in the night nothing really works to keep me asleep also#w/o making me sleep so long i cant work (I'm talking min dose makes 14 hours str8. my body Wants like 10-12 hrs sleep/ night admittedly)#so weed is the best option for me cus at least when i wake up i can go back down And i can wake up in the mornings bc its usually out my#system by then. i only get like 8hrs w/o reupping in the middle of the night but that's ok for work. thats also why im always so tired#but also yeah! lots of dreams also bc of it. and very vivid dreams always. god i wish i could make them stop sometimes but then I wouldn't#have the good ones like the making out and fucking inna stall that literally had such a tiny door that everyone either saw her eating me out#w/o seeing my face or saw my face and knew Smthn was happening ahdkfksjdkdlsjjs dream land can be fun)
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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.
(fics that inspired this at the end)
If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:
The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died
The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.
The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.
(actual idea snippets under the cut)
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Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?
The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.
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Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.
"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."
He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.
There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.
He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.
"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."
He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.
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Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.
He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.
He opens his mouth. Closes it.
Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).
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Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.
Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.
Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.
Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.
He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.
If if if if if--
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Inspirations:
Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion
Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm
Verisimilitude by mutemelody
#young justice#young justice cartoon#batfam#batman#dick grayson#thoughts and headcanons#the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life#you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy#until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself#only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it#anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me#the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in#cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu#when they wade into the superhero world#all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol#my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there#he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids#(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids#on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian#on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way#(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age#steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are#i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao#babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless#this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au
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Coming in to say that im practicing my makeup for tomorrow night and humbly asking for eyeliner tips bc how tf do y’all do this 😭
#HOW THE HELL DID I DO PERFECT SHARP ASS WINGS EVERYDAY FROM THE AGES OF 14-16 AND NOW I CANT#EVEN DO A BASIC ASS NO FRILL PUPPY LINER 😭😭😭😭#also general update;#still on hiatus and i probably will be til after the funeral#but. i am surviving at least! got to see my irl friend when we got into town today#and we made plans for the fair tommorow night w/me her and her bf who said he’ll pay for food & drinks#he legit said ‘im only going so i can be the wallet and dd of the night’ LMAOOOOOOO HE KNOWS OUR PRIORITIES 😭😭😭#shouting in the void
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I’m exhausted and had probably the worst shift at work uhh ever but the important thing is: eih chap 5 is 7200 words right now.
#I’m delirious working nights so writing today is probably going to be mostly bullshit#but know that I AM writing and it will be soon. this week soon.#by the way this Friday night was so bad it felt like a bad joke.#how did I have two simultaneous code blues.#how did I have 7 new admits AND someone dying in the unit#I was also fairly certain that I told the wrong family member their loved one was dying……#I think I didn’t and everything turned out ok but still#when you’re covering 40+ patients and have that many new admits AND codes#to be honest like… everything turned out ok and I didn’t miss anything major#but. you don’t have time to think about people. you’re literally just putting out fires#today I had only two new people and I was able to go through their records be able to catch things I think others docs would have missed#it’s so sad. like. when I have the time I try to be very thoughtful when admitting#but Friday night I was barely keeping my head above water#AND I stayed an extra 2 hours making it a 14 hour shift#AND I didn’t eat all night#good thing I have short term memory issues because lmao this is why docs kill themselves#at such high rates. like. the thought of someone dying on my watch#and me potentially being able to prevent it but not being able to#because I was alone and there was simply no time#that shit is devastating#anyway. having a normal one on tumblr.com#I know I bitch a lot here about my job#and I apologize my friends on here#as you can imagine most people in real life don’t want to hear these stories#and I don’t want to make people uncomfortable#its what I chose. I’m very good at it. it’s an incredibly difficult job#and honestly trying to compensate for other doctors that are straight up incompetent#is. absolutely demoralizing work.#that hospitalist was an idiot. like. wrong. on every account#maybe it’s people that work night shift exclusively I don’t know
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????
#my dad is like#you can't just be in your room all the time then what's the point of you living here if ill be sitting here all alone then#and im like bhai what#mom also says this to me she always wanted to sit and rant and she used to say you never talk to me#both of these people don't even fucking get it that they're not even interested in me listening to me#mom just wants a sounding board for her venting and dad just wants someone to pretend everything is okay and happy all the time and#the only important things in life is the immediate present and food and making money and stuff#i swear this is why i feel so ????? about myself my identity like no i can't describe myself#because there is no myself there is just a white sheet of paper where people can write whatever they want#im so tired man#why can't they just go and live with each other and leave us kids out of it 😭🙏#like i genuinely am getting teary eyed about such a small thing but god. i want to have my own life so bad. im sick of feeling all these#complicated emotions guilt and anger and pity and obligation and duty like just god pls fuck off#people my age are so fucking mature and put together than me so confident so clear about their path#have friends partners breakups parties just so many new memories#and im just stuck.#and im fine with it now because i get it studying is really important and this is quite basic requirement to be perfect at#atleast my syllabus to survive in this industry#but then. let me do that only. please don't make me pretend to like you like spending time with you and everything#ive hated you for like. idk 14 whole years. since the first time you hit mom in front of me#i remember it so well like my childhood broke that day you slammed her into a wall for some stupid fight and her hair was all messy and#untied and you shouted so loud i thought surely everyone can hear. and then you left to roam around the city at night with your friends#i remember this because my mom and my sister sent me to check up on you with the excuse of a painting of a parrot that i had made#i didn't understand anything back then#but yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you for being so fucking delusional thinking i love you or something#ive prayed to god that you die and i still do#it would directly mean 4 people being happy#anyway#dni#this was meant to be fun and short lol fuck
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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crazy how if you google “how many job applications per week” (which you probably shouldn’t google anyway) you get one result saying doing 2-3 a day is good, one result saying doing 5-10 a day is good, and one result saying doing 11-20 a day is good. So basically, do whatever the hell you want forever
#my thing is. HOW many of these jobs are real. HOW many of these places are actually hiring#one of the 2 i did today made you answer like 15 different questions about whether you’ve ever been late for work. ummmm.no#my plan is to apply at least 20 jobs over the next ummm week or two or so#and keep in mind these are all like nothingburger minimum wage retail jobs designed for stupid individuals such as myself#and if NONE of these places want me then i will know that the job market right now is probably bad for realsies#and so between like september 14-21 i will know if i should be looking for a place to stay for october#or looking for a plane ticket back so i don’t waste money chasing something that won’t happen#and IF it’s option B then i will make my brother hire me at dunkin for a few months until a) the job market improves#or b) i have enough money saved up that i could convince some landlord to rent to me while unemployed#because my thing about the money is like. i still have everything i saved when i worked at target#and i still remember what i endured in order to save all that money. so i absolutely am not dipping into that money#until i KNOW my life is headed in the right direction#and also when i got the job at target that was literally the 4th job i applied to in like 3 months#so if i apply to like 2 dozen jobs and none of them pan out then i’ll Know the timing is wrong. the market is bad#anyway pay me no mind i’ve only been back on the west coast 24 hours#i just had to go ahead and think through every possibility before my head asploded. Her ass did not fucking sleep last night your honor
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I don't believe in God but I took a long walk and put my hands together and prayed and then I called my Grandma and cried.
#So yeah. Last night was A Lot#I just wanted to enjoy my impulse croissant pillow buy and my foot mask and under eye treatment#y'know ~spa day~ home alone#but nope Hospital for mom#I am BEGGING people to not have children at 40#My mom's almost 71 and I'm only 30 and I'm going to die of stress#Only child. And yes everyone else in my family is either dead completely mentally gone or hates me#Except my dad's mom#And I called her ON (my deceased) GRANDPA'S Birthday so she was already Going Through Things#AND I have to talk to her about her dead son (my dad) as if I miss him too (I don't anymore)#Grandma says she misses so many people these days and also talked about her mom (I DO miss great grandma)#And I had to bite my tongue because yeah. I miss everyone too.#I'm only 30 but my dad both my grandpas and my great grandma died between when I was 14-17ish#AND that's the same time my mom's mom (my grandma)'s Alzheimer's got bad bad. She hasn't known who I am for a decade#So yeah. I miss everyone. Everyone's dead. And I'm losing it just a little.
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It's always a little surreal for me when a parent commends me on being good or patient with their child cuz I'm quickly reminded that they have no idea the only group of people I'm truly comfortable around are kids
#like don't get me wrong. they are a handful and can be exhausting and frustrating at times.#but they are just so fun and genuine. I love talking to kids and seeing their brains work in real time to piece things together.#you forget just how much they don't know until you say something that seems obvious to you and they piece together#meaning through the only context clues they have. and ofc they're almost always wildly off track.#but it's a beautiful glimpse into a childish perspective#but anyways. I just feel like I'm so obvious bc I feel so awkward trying to connect with people my age#and that awkwardness clearly isn't there when I interact w kids bc... I mean. why would it be. I'm not trying to impress or relate to an 8yo#I also forget not everyone knows how many younger siblings I have.#I feel like a chef who studied extensively only the finest cuisine. and then I get commended on the finesse w which I pour a bowl of cereal#like ah. well yes I suppose it is very cool that I am somehow not losing my shit while teaching your 6yo how to play slappy hands and RPS#clearly you don't know abt the time I kept 7 of us alive for a month when I was 14 when my dad was in the icu and my mom stayed w him#and only came home around 11pm every night. I even did the grocery shopping for us. now that is something to commend.#the youngest at the time was 2. she slept w me in an armchair so I could keep an eye on her and I just. didn't sleep.#cuz I was terrified of somehow smothering her while unconscious.#try being 14 on no sleep raising 6 kids aged 12-2 from 6am-11pm w no adult supervision for a month.#turns out it makes you really good at slappy hands 10+ years later.
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I love the idea of Tim being all clinical about Kon's crush on him. Like 'there must be something wrong with Kon, why else would he blush when I talk to him' and like proceeds to make a fucking murder board with picture and string connecting each 'event' like
02/27/2024, Incident: Kon stared at me while I trained, when I called him out he blushed profusely and stuttered, obviously he is ill or compromised. Solution: keep a closer eye on him
03/04/2024, Incident: Keeping a closer eye on Kon appears to have flustered him. I caught him staring at me 7 times, each he seemed embarrassed by. Potentially he believes I am an imposter. Solution: team building exercise, and movie night
03/06/2024, Incident: movie night proves that Kon must be having emotional or social issues. Team building went fine, but Kon seemed disturbed at sharing a blanket with me, he went very rigid when I leaned against him, I fear that the Kent's may be mistreating him. Solution: subtley question about home life.
03/08/2024, Incident: questioning about home life initially had Kon happy, then his demeanor became shy. He offered to show me his favorite restaurant near the Kent's and take me star gazing. He appeared very put out when I asked if Cassie and Bart would be coming. Solution: maybe Kon only expects me to realize the harmful habits of the Kent's.
03/14/2024, Incident: I was left in a critical condition after a mission, Kon refused to leave my side. That is normal as the rest of team refused to leave, but I swear he was holding my hand while I slept. Solution: Kon is more tactile that I thought?
03/16/2024, Incident: my memory of the mission and the events leading to my injury is better now. Kon is the one that caught me. Though I could swear that he was begging me not to leave him because he 'loves me'. Solution: request less morphine next injury.
03/21/2024, Incident: Kon said my injury gave him a lot to think of, he requested that we go on a "date" tonight. Solution: ask Kon if he got the phrase 'hang out' and 'date' mixed up
03/22/2024, Incident: Kon kissed me. Solution: I am an idiot.
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✨🎄Merry Christmas It’s a special day for giving 🎄🎁
If I knocked on your door with my 22-month-old child in my arms, crying from hunger, would you close the door and leave us suffering from hunger and cold without offering us a helping hand or even offering us a kind word that would come down to our hearts to heal the wounds of the war that has been going on for more than 14 months?
Would you leave us and continue your happiness with Christmas and your holiday without feeling a pang in your heart upon seeing us in such a condition, without offering any help? 🥹 💔💔
The truth is, we are not much different. We are knocking on your door now, hoping that your compassionate heart will extend a helping hand and provide us with our basic needs: food, medicine, and warmth. The only thing separating us is distance





Have you ever thought about our situation before? How do the people of Gaza survive under such conditions of killing, starvation, displacement, with the crossings closed, goods prices rising over 12 times, and all their belongings destroyed, leaving them with no income or shelter except fragile tents that cannot protect them from the cold or rain? Have you ever thought about this before? 💔😥
I will tell you, we are not dreaming of luxury! When your help reaches us, we can provide basic needs, healthy food, and medicine for my child and my mother-in-law. When it doesn’t, we suffer terribly, and many nights we go to bed hungry, waiting for your donations to fill our hunger, provide medicine, strengthen our resilience, and give us hope for a better tomorrow 🥺💔


We appeal to your humanity to provide any contribution, no matter how small, for every bit of support from you restores hope and eases our pain in these difficult times. Your generosity is our lifeline 🫂🙏
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Dear generous donors 🌷🩵
There are no words to describe the depth of our gratitude and thanks for your donations that arrive each time like a lifeline in moments when we were on the brink of despair. 🙏🫂
I want to assure you that your donations go exactly where you expect them to. They help provide healthy food, baby formula, Winter clothes and blankets, and essential medications for my family. You cannot imagine the joy that fills our hearts when your donations arrive, as if the sun rises after a long darkness, bringing us hope for a better tomorrow and easing our worries, because we know that we will not go to bed hungry after days of hardship, when even getting bread seemed impossible. 💖✨
But the painful truth is that the food and flour run out after a few days, and our hope is renewed with every time we await your generous donations, hoping they will reach us soon. 💔🥺
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts 💚
For your information, the price of a sack of flour has exceeded $300, and the cost of our essential food and medication needs far exceeds that, but it certainly does not surpass your generosity and the kindness in your hearts.



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"I only see daylight"
Joel Miller x f!reader



Summary: What is waiting for you after life ends? Joel woke up to a life he had spent missing this whole time. You are there, Sarah is there, and a baby too. w.c: 1,7k (tiny baby) warnings: mentions of blood, crying, and mentions of an afterlife. I don't know if you believe in that but I like to think about it.
a/n: I don't know if you could consider this a fix-it fic, but I hope you do because I love this little idea I had the other day. I know it's short, but I have requests to work in and more "Blind faith" chapters to work in. Happy reading. Please remember to reblog and comment. I appreciate them very much.
dividers by @/saradika-graphics
“Joel…Can I ask you something?” Ellie asked, clearing her throat.
He kept his eyes on the road ahead of them but gave a small nod. “Shoot.”
“Did you… I mean, before all this. Did you ever… you know. Love someone? Like, for real?”
Joel’s grip on his backpack tightened. For a moment, he wasn’t walking on that road anymore. He was somewhere else. Back when he was younger, with his baby girl in his arms and a woman’s laugh in his ears.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, I did.”
Ellie looked over at him, surprised by the weight in his voice.
“Who was she?”
He hesitated, then let out a breath. “Her name was… well, she came into my life the day Sarah was born. Her mother… she didn’t stick around. But she did. God, she did. Never asked for anything. Just… showed up with a smile and a cup of hospital coffee. Held Sarah like she was her own. She was her mother and she was my wife.”
Joel smiled faintly, a ghost of a smile. “We were together for years. Raised Sarah, built a life in Austin. Didn’t even get around to getting’ married. World ended a month before that.”
Ellie was quiet, watching him. “What happened to her?”
Joel’s eyes clouded. “The outbreak happened.”
He didn’t say more. He didn’t have to.
He still couldn’t say out loud how you died on his arms two days after Sarah.
How the smell of fresh coffee that filled the kitchen at home became the smell of blood sticking on his hands while he tried to keep you alive.
The snow fell fiercely outside the lodge. Joel’s breath ragged and shallow.
He couldn’t take the pain anymore. He couldn’t survive another punch against his face. He was dying.
He could barely see Ellie, screaming some feet away from him. Pleading.
“Joel, please get up.” “Joel, please” she choked.
Oh, his baby girl. He wanted to swallow all the pain, but his broken bones and body could barely bear the pain.
One push, one try. But something sharp on his neck stole his lasts breaths away.
His vision blurred. The world dimmed. In those mere last moments, last seconds. He saw them.
Ellie crawling to him.
But he also saw you. Beautiful as ever, eyes wet, reaching for him.
And Sarah just as she was that night in Austin, her smile breaking his heart.
Joel tried to speak, but no words came.
A tear slipped from the corner of his eye.
Then, nothing.
All went black.
For a moment, or perhaps forever, there was nothing. No pain. No cold. No Ellie’s voice calling his name. Just silence.
The soft chirping of morning birds. The faint hum of a ceiling fan. And the distant smell of fresh coffee.
Joel’s eyes fluttered open.
His breathing was steady, his body didn’t hurt. No blood. No searing pain in his ribs. No snow or cracked lodge ceiling above him.
Instead, a familiar ceiling fan turned lazily overhead, and pale morning light streamed through the curtains of his room.
At home, in Austin.
He sat up abruptly, a cold sweat clinging to his skin.
The bed side next to him was made, your side, neatly tucked like you always did. A glass of water sat untouched on your nightstand. The clock on the wall read 7:14 AM. The same perfume he had never got to forget lingered on your pillow, soft and warm, and so goddamn real Joel felt his chest tighten.
His hand shot up to his face, searching for cuts, bruises, something. But there was nothing. His hair was damp with sweat, but his fingers came away clean.
He swallowed hard, heart thudding in his ears.
What the hell was this?
Joel swung his legs over the side of the bed, bare feet pressing against cool wooden floors. He could hear movement in the kitchen, the gentle clink of a spoon against a mug, the scrape of a chair.
His throat closed up.
It was you, your laugh echoing through the house.
Soft. Carefree. Real.
And for a moment, he was terrified to move, terrified that if he stood and crossed that room, it would disappear, like every other goddamn thing in his life had.
But the pull was too strong.
Joel pushed open the bedroom door.
The house was just as he remembered it. The old photographs lining the hallway. Sarah’s soccer trophies. The faded denim jacket slung over the back of a chair. Everything untouched by fire, or blood, or the passage of time.
And then, there you were.
Standing in the kitchen, back to him, pouring coffee into two mugs. One of them, his old favorite. The one with the chipped rim he had broken up.
You turned as if you felt his eyes on you.
That same smile. That same light in your eyes.
“Morning, stranger,” you teased, unaware of the storm brewing in his chest.
Joel couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe.
He crossed the room in three long strides and pulled you into him, arms wrapping around your waist so tight it made you laugh, the mug nearly slipping from your hand.
“Whoa! Easy, cowboy,” you chuckled against his shoulder. “Bad dream?”
His hand cradled the back of your head, burying his face in your hair, drinking in your scent, the warmth of your body.
“I… I don’t know,” he rasped, voice thick.
“Hey,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to look at him. “I’ve been right here, Joel. I’m not going anywhere.”
And when you kissed him , soft, steady, grounding, it felt like everything broken inside him finally came home.
He kept his forehead pressed to yours for a beat longer, eyes shut, breathing you in like a man starved. But then, something shifted. His hand, still resting against your waist, slid down, and froze.
A gentle curve. A fullness where there hadn’t been one before.
Joel’s brow furrowed, his eyes snapping open. He pulled back just enough to look down, and there it was.
Your belly, round and swollen beneath the soft fabric of your, his worn t-shirt. His mouth parted, but no sound came out.
You followed his gaze, a smile tugging at your lips. “Hey,” you murmured, resting your hand over his. “Don’t look so spooked.”
Joel swallowed hard, eyes flicking from your face to your stomach, then back again. His heart thundered in his chest, a thousand questions fighting for room.
And then you said it, soft and calm, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Ellie is right inside here.”
Joel’s breath caught.
That name.
Ellie.
The word carved through him like a lightning strike. His mind, already fragile, started to crack along the seams. He stared at you, at the tender way your hand cradled your belly, at the glow in your eyes, like this had always been your life.
“Ellie?” he croaked, his voice barely a whisper.
You smiled, brushing a thumb along his jaw. “Yeah?” you nodded, looking a bit worry because of his state. “Remember doctor says she’s stubborn already.” You chuckled, your eyes shimmering with a mix of joy and mischief. “Wonder where she gets that from.”
Joel staggered back a half-step, running a trembling hand through his hair. The room spun. A wave of warmth and memory and heartbreak crashing into him all at once.
He remembered Ellie. How couldn’t he? He remembered snow and blood and a lodge floor.
But here, here she wasn’t a girl with a mouthful of trouble. She was…
His and yours.
For real.
A future that had never existed. A life stolen from him, given back in pieces.
Joel’s vision blurred. His knees buckled slightly, and you caught his arm.
“Joel,” you whispered, concern flashing across your face. “Hey — hey, it’s okay. Breathe, baby. You’re alright. We’re alright.”
He clung to you like a man drowning.
Joel clung to you like a man drowning, his face buried in the curve of your neck, your hand stroking the back of his head, steady and familiar. You felt his breath hitch, the tremble in his arms. Whatever nightmare had clawed at him, it was still lingering in his bones.
Then, he heard the footsteps.
Light, quick steps padding down the hallway. The soft creak of the floorboard outside the room.
“Dad?” a young voice called.
Joel stiffened. His head jerked up.
And there she was.
Sarah.
Alive. Whole.
Framed by the doorway in her faded hoodie and denim shorts, backpack slung over one shoulder, a little messy ponytail, like she always rushed through it in the mornings.
“Dad, Mom — it’s getting late for school,” she groaned, rolling her eyes like any other teenager. “I already saw uncle Tommy waiting out front, and if I have to listen to him sing along to the radio one more time, I swear I’ll jump outta the truck.”
Joel’s breath punched out of him like he’d been hit. His lips trembled.
“Baby girl…” he rasped.
Sarah blinked, confused. “You okay, Dad? You look kinda… weird.”
You smiled gently, your heart cracking a little at Joel’s expression, and stepped toward Sarah, brushing a hand down her arm. “Hey, sweetheart — give your dad a second, okay? He’s just… he had a rough night.”
Sarah sighed, the way only a 12-year-old could. “Ugh, bad dreams again? Should’ve told him not to eat chili dogs that late.”
Joel let out a strangled laugh, a sound halfway between a sob and a chuckle.
You leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sarah’s temple. “Uncle Tommy’s taking you today. Go grab your stuff, and I’ll be out in a sec.”
Sarah groaned but turned, heading back toward the hall. “Tell him I call dibs on the front seat!” she shouted over her shoulder.
The moment she disappeared around the corner, Joel collapsed back to your arms, his hand dragging down your skin.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered.
“You’re safe, Joel. You’re home.” You promised as you caressed his neck with your fingertips
His eyes, wet and wide, met yours. “Is this… is this real?” His voice cracked like it was too fragile to ask. “You. Sarah. Baby Ellie. Is this…?”
You leaned, pressing your forehead to his.
“It’s real,” you promised softly. “It’s ours.”
And for the first time in years, in decades, Joel Miller cried.
He didn’t know what he had done to deserve to see this light again.
But whoever had mercy on him. Gave him the chance to live a second life in daylight.
With you, Sarah, and a baby, Ellie.
#fic: I only see daylight#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller imagine#joel x reader#joel miller x you#pedro pascal character fanfiction#joel miller angst#pedro pascal
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–ᝰ.ᐟ✮ In a world where Choi Seungcheol commands boardrooms with sharp words and sharper standards, no one dares get close—until her.
To everyone else, he’s a calm, calculating CEO. But behind closed doors, it’s her voice that grounds him, her presence that quiets the noise.
pairing: CEO!seungcheol x f!reader
genre: fluff, CEO au, established relationship, comfort and emotional vulnerability, acts of service and gift giving, luxury setting, “just because” affection, clingy couple energy
word count: 2.1k
a/n: may this kind of love find me 🫣🫣😍
The meeting room was too loud for how little anyone was saying.
Seungcheol sat at the head of the table, not speaking, just watching. His expression didn’t give much away—but those who worked under him knew the silence was dangerous. And the flick of his pen against the glossy report file? A quiet warning shot.
“Redo this,” he said, voice low and measured, but with an edge sharp enough to silence the room.
“Yes, sir.”
He didn’t stay to hear excuses.
By the time he was back in his office, the ticking inside his head had grown unbearable. Deadlines, investors, expectations—stacked up like dominoes waiting to collapse. His fingers itched to loosen the collar of his shirt, but he didn’t. Not yet. He reached for his phone instead, already knowing who he needed.
He didn’t even think. Just pressed call.
It rang once.
Twice.
Then—
“Hi, Cheol.”
His breath left him all at once. A slow, quiet exhale, as if he hadn’t realized how tight his chest had been until he heard her voice.
“…Hey,” he said, a little rougher than he intended.
“Tough day?” she asked softly, like she already knew. She always knew.
Seungcheol leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. The sunlight streaming in through the blinds painted slats of gold across his sharp features, but they softened, ever so slightly, with each second of her voice in his ear.
“The usual,” he muttered. “Numbers didn’t add up. People didn’t listen. You’re the only thing making sense today.”
She laughed—gentle and warm. “I hope that’s not just the exhaustion talking.”
“It’s not,” he replied instantly, and the speed of his answer made her go quiet for a second.
His eyes fluttered open. He stared out the window at the city skyline, but it wasn’t the view that grounded him. It was her.
“I didn’t mean to bother you,” he said after a beat. “I just… needed to hear you.”
“You never bother me.”
Silence stretched between them, but it was the kind that comforted, not strained.
“I wish I was there,” she added.
And God, he wished the same.
There were things he couldn’t say during the day. Not to his staff, not to anyone. He wasn’t cruel—just meticulous, precise. No-nonsense. And if that made people keep their distance, all the better. It made things easier.
Except when it came to her. With her, everything unraveled in the best way.
His shoulders finally slumped. “I’m in my office.”
“Lights off, sleeves rolled up?” she teased lightly.
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “You know me too well.”
“I do.”
He was quiet for a moment. Then— “Talk to me,” he murmured. “Doesn’t matter what. Just… keep talking.”
So she did. She told him about her day, about the weird dream she had the night before, about the cat she saw perched dramatically on a taxi roof downtown. And Seungcheol—CEO, perfectionist, powerful—sat back and let her voice pour through the cracks of his armor like sunlight through broken blinds.
He didn’t need fixing. He just needed her. And somehow, without even trying, she was enough to make the world feel a little less loud.
The clock on the wall blinked 2:14 AM in soft red light.
Seungcheol unlocked the front door with a weary sigh, the click of the handle almost deafening in the stillness of the apartment. The kind of silence that stretched long after a day like his—after meetings gone sideways and numbers that danced too close to disaster.
He slipped his shoes off slowly, rolling his neck with a wince. Every muscle in his body ached from hours of tension, and all he had wanted by the end of it was to walk into the quiet, undisturbed dark and pass out.
But the lamp in the living room was on.
And so was she.
Curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around her like armor, feet tucked beneath her. She blinked drowsily up at him, eyes soft and warm and a little guilty.
“…Hi,” she whispered, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to say it.
He blinked, not quite believing she was real for a moment. “You’re still awake?”
“You told me not to wait,” she murmured, pushing the blanket off her lap. “I tried. I really did.”
Seungcheol swallowed, guilt twisting somewhere low in his chest. He stepped closer, kneeling in front of her wordlessly.
“I didn’t want you to be tired,” he said, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek. “You have your presentation tomorrow.”
“And you had the kind of day that would’ve driven anyone else to put their fist through a wall,” she countered softly, resting her hand over his. “I wasn’t going to sleep not knowing how you were doing.”
His jaw clenched—not from anger, but the effort of keeping his emotions in check. Her voice, even this late, still made him feel like the tension in his bones was finally loosening. She always had that effect on him.
“You shouldn’t have waited,” he said again, but this time it came out gentler, almost pleading.
She just smiled, the kind of tired smile that still felt like home. “And you shouldn’t have to come back to an empty apartment after a day like that.”
He didn’t have anything to say to that. Because she was right.
Without a word, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. Her hands came up to cradle his face, thumbs brushing beneath his eyes. He felt like he could finally breathe.
“I missed you,” he said, voice a whisper against her lips.
“I’m right here.”
And she was. Warm and real and everything good in his life.
He stayed there for a moment, breathing her in, her presence calming the storm still lingering beneath his skin. Eventually, she tugged him toward the couch, and he followed, letting her wrap the blanket around both of them. His head dropped to her shoulder, and for the first time all day, he let his guard down.
Not the CEO. Not the man everyone walked on eggshells around.
Just Seungcheol. Just hers.
And when she pressed a soft kiss to his temple and whispered, “You did your best today,” that was all he needed.
He finally closed his eyes.
The presentation had gone better than she expected.
There had been nerves—of course there had. The weight of all those eyes on her, the pressure to deliver something flawless after weeks of late nights and revisions. But the moment it ended, and the conference room erupted in polite applause, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.
Relief washed over her in waves.
Still, as she walked out of the building, the adrenaline began to fade, leaving only exhaustion behind. Her eyes fluttered shut briefly, the mid-morning sun warming her cheeks.
And then she saw him.
Leaning against the hood of his car, hair slightly tousled from the wind, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, sunglasses pushed into his hair. A paper bag in one hand, a drink carrier in the other.
And a bouquet of her favorite flowers cradled in the crook of his arm.
She froze, heart stuttering.
He looked up from his phone, then smiled when he saw her. The smile—the one that was just for her. The one he never wore in meetings or in boardrooms or in front of anyone else.
Her feet moved on instinct, almost running by the time she reached him.
“You—” she began, breathless. “What—?”
Seungcheol handed her the bouquet before she could finish.
“For your nerves,” he said casually, like showing up outside her office before 11AM with her favorite drink and a fresh raspberry croissant was normal. “And because I know you skipped breakfast.”
She blinked down at the flowers in her arms, the familiar colors and soft petals almost making her emotional. “Cheol…”
He held up the coffee. “Extra shot of vanilla. Just how you like it.”
She took it slowly, like if she moved too fast the whole moment might disappear.
“You didn’t have to—”
“I know,” he said simply. “That’s why I wanted to.”
His voice was quieter now. More tender. “You did good today. I’m proud of you.”
And just like that, everything she’d been holding together all morning threatened to unravel. The late nights, the self-doubt, the mental notes scribbled at 2AM—it all felt worth it, just to hear those words from him.
“I didn’t think you’d be up,” she whispered.
He reached out, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “I wasn’t gonna miss this. Not after you stayed up for me.”
She smiled, blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay. “You’re unfair.”
“I know,” he said with a soft grin. “But I’m cute, so you’ll forgive me.”
“Barely.”
He chuckled, and then pulled her gently into his arms, careful not to crush the flowers. She melted against his chest, his scent grounding her in the quietest, sweetest way.
“I love you,” she mumbled into the fabric of his shirt.
His grip around her tightened. “I know. I love you too.”
The restaurant they headed to afterwards was the kind of place you didn’t find on Google Maps.
It didn’t need reviews. It didn’t need ads. The kind of place where your name alone got you a table—and Seungcheol’s name carried more weight than most.
Tucked into the top floor of an art gallery building, the restaurant opened out into floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city skyline. The air smelled of aged wine and freshly baked truffle bread. Gentle jazz played in the background, echoing off warm mahogany panels and velvet-draped walls.
When the hostess saw them walk in—his hand on the small of her back, her fingers curled into the front of his shirt—she bowed deeply, almost reverently.
“Welcome back, Mr. Choi. Your usual table?”
He nodded once, eyes flickering down to the woman beside him. “Yes. Thank you.”
Their table wasn’t in the center of the room. It was nestled into a corner, semi-enclosed by sheer drapes, with an uninterrupted view of the skyline. Private. Quiet. Safe.
And instead of sitting opposite her, Seungcheol guided her to the inside of the half-moon shaped booth, sliding in right beside her like it was second nature.
Because it was.
Their knees touched. Their shoulders bumped. His hand immediately found hers under the table.
“You’re really spoiling me today,” she said with a small laugh, glancing around at the gold-rimmed plates and the personalized menu printed with her name.
“You deserve it,” he said, simple as anything. “You killed it today.”
She blushed, tucking her face into his shoulder for a second before peeking up at him again. “So… just how expensive is this place?”
Seungcheol smirked. “You don’t want to know.”
“That bad?”
“Let’s just say…” he leaned in, brushing his nose against her temple, “I could’ve bought us a weekend in Paris. But you looked too pretty to make wait for a plane.”
She gawked at him, smacking his chest with the back of her hand. “Choi Seungcheol.”
“Worth it,” he said with a grin, catching her wrist and pulling her hand back to intertwine with his again. “Every cent.”
The waiter came and went like a ghost—present only to refill wine glasses and deliver each artful course with quiet precision. Caviar with crème fraîche. Handmade pasta rolled so thin it nearly dissolved on the tongue. Wagyu that melted the moment it touched her mouth.
But Seungcheol only had eyes for her.
“You always look at me like that,” she murmured at some point, cheeks still warm from the wine and the weight of his gaze.
“Like what?”
“Like I hung the stars.”
He tilted his head, thumb brushing her knuckles beneath the table. “Because you do. For me, you do.”
She couldn’t say anything to that without her heart falling out of her chest, so she leaned in and kissed him instead—just a short, sweet press of lips that left him smiling against her mouth.
“You know…” he whispered against her cheek, “if you ever want to quit your job and let me pamper you like this every day…”
“Nope,” she laughed, resting her head against his shoulder. “But I’ll let you keep feeding me wagyu if you insist.”
“Deal,” he said, pressing a kiss into her hair. “But you have to keep looking this proud of yourself. I like this version of you.”
She turned her face slightly toward his neck, murmuring, “You bring it out of me.”
And so they sat—shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, the city beneath them, the world hushed around them—and for once, there were no meetings, no presentations, no pressure.
Just him. Just her. Just them.
Exactly where they always came back to.
#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#seventeen drabbles#seventeen fluff#seventeen reactions#seventeen x reader#svt imagines#seventeen x you#svt fluff#seventeen#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol imagines#scoups x reader#scoups fluff#scoups imagines
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