#and for having Stede in his life for even the short time before everything went to shit

[naranjapetrificada]

not me thinking about how Stede thinks he ruined Ed when even if they never saw each other again after episode 10, their connection showed Ed what love could feel like and marked a watershed in how he'll think about the possibilities of life going forward

[rhysdarbinizedarby]

“I Love Taking Risks”

Returning for the second season of his hit comedy series Our Flag Means Death this month, Rhys Darby chats to us about becoming ‘The Gentleman Pirate’.

It was the surprise hit of 2022 no-one had on their bingo card. Loosely based on the real-life exploits of Stede ‘The Gentleman Pirate’ Bonnet (Rhys Darby), Our Flag Means Death tells the hilarious and heartfelt story of the wealthy Barbadian landowner who gave it all up for life as a pirate in the 1700s.

After encountering the actually not-so-terrifying Blackbeard (Taika Waititi) of legend, who teaches him how to be a fearsome pirate – to little effect – in exchange for wisdom about the finer things in life, the two formed an unexpected romantic connection.

Of course, with the first season ending with the pair sadly going their separate ways, creator and writer David Jenkins previews things will be challenging for our star-crossed lovers in season two: “I think [we’ll be] watching… both reorient themselves. This is their first love… You’re rocked when that happens. You go into a crisis.” With the second season premiering this month, picking up a short time after the first, Darby sat down with FOXTEL magazine to give us the lowdown.

What’s your take on ‘The Gentleman Pirate’?

It’s an interesting role because this is a guy who has a midlife crisis, leaves his wife and kids, just runs out in the middle of the night and creates a pirate crew, heads off into the sunset. And in order to sort of get to grips with who would do that, you need to have someone play the role that you’ve got to root for but, at the same time, you go, ‘Is he crazy? Why has he done this? Does he not love his wife and kids?’ So, you know, I did a bit of reading about him and tried to get into that mindset as to why he would do such a thing. And I think what I got to was just midlife crisis and boredom, and he had the wealth to change his life.

Are you a risk-taker yourself?

I love taking risks; I could drop everything and suddenly fly to Mars, but I’d be sitting in the spaceship before launch and thinking about my kids and I would have opened the door and run back to them.

So there was something there, some deep-seated darkness in his soul that led him to that point. He’s a complicated guy. I’m glad I had to rise to the challenge and try to pull that off.

Will Stede ever be respected by his crew, do you think?

Yes. I think he will be. People did respect him eventually because he did become a decent pirate. If you look in the annals of the pirates and all the booty they took, there’s lists of who did the best and all that kind of stuff, and Stede’s up there.

Do you think he had any regrets about choosing that life in the end?

That’s a good question. If I was to guess I would say no, because he wanted the adventure. He regretted, in the end, not taking the pardon when he could have – the King put out a pardon and he said, ‘If any of you pirates come in and drop your swords now, you’ll be spared.’ A lot of them did sign that they would do it and then just went back to pirating.

Even in the end, Stede tried to get out of it – he really begged and pleaded and wrote letters to the King saying, ‘Please, I’ll do anything.’ But they wanted to make an example of him: it doesn’t matter how wealthy you are, you do what you did, you’re gonna hang. So they got him in the end. But they won’t get me!

You seem to have a knack for picking great roles. What does your process entail?

Yeah, it depends what you’re doing. You know, I’m not at a point where offers are rolling in left, right and centre. So you still do things because you need the money. But I’ve been lucky that my uniqueness has only really gifted me roles that suit me, for the most part. Usually they’re smaller roles and I do a lot of guest starring on comedy shows. Also, I have been lucky enough to do a lot of voicework through various animation channels and video games and things.

A few years ago, people started to realise that, and it’s through working with Taika and a few others in the comedy industry, that if you’re going to hire me, he’s going to give you a bit more than what’s on the paper. And he’s going to do it in his manner and his way, and that’s what you’re sort of paying for.

And so that meant that I wouldn’t get a lot of roles, but the ones that I did do, I would always shine in. So thank you, universe, for giving me anything.

Source: Foxtel Magazine Australia (October issue)

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

As a fandom- where do we think Izzy's story will end? [Poll at the bottom]

Now. So much of S2 is about what Stede/Ed want in the end. Sure, they're together again, but now what? For Stede, it's a pirate's life. He wants a crew, a family, connections, and adventure. Freedom from a life he hated. Even if it's short, he wants joy. For Ed, it's peace. He wants to fish, and eat good food, and spend time with the person he loves. Away from the stress of piracy. Of being hunted down and fighting to survive. To me, this is why the S2Ep7 fight happens the way it does. Stede's rising popularity shows Ed that, fuck, Stede is slowly becoming an example of the pirate life that he'd despised. Ed is dating the most popular pirate in the Republic, and fuck. That's dangerous. That's a target on Stede's back. That's more fights, future rivalries, future doublecrosses, another fight surviving against the authorities. An expanding list of people to hunt down the man he loves. Here he is, slowly watching as Stede, a man who onced loved nature and marmalade. Scared of violence and fighting. Slowly get taken over by a hardened Stede. Still Stede, yes. But scary and new. Ed's scared. So he runs. Chooses to protect his heart and go before he is forced to break up with Stede. He can't be this anymore. Leaving Stede behind, sad and confused on how things went to shit so quickly.

So....

Not to be an Izzy fan about this but... When everything settles down. When Stede and Ed are free to run and be happy, what will Izzy Hands do?

I've seen so many opinions, but honestly, I don't think even he knows the answer to this question yet. I think a large part of his S3 arc is Izzy looking at life and being like 'fuck, I'm in my 50s, but I'm still alive. So what now?'.

To be by Ed's side? Well...not anymore. He has a family. Sure, for a second it looked like they'd all split up in EP7 but we all know the upcoming bullshit in ep8 will tie everyone in tighter together. He doesn't need Ed the way he did even a few episodes ago. He's trying to form a life where he can be happy with his identity outside of Ed.

These last few episodes have shown that this life is too dangerous for Ed to feel safe starting something with Stede. There will be a compromise, and fuck. The idea of Izzy just going along with it because 'that's where Ed is' after everything is just...heartbreaking.

To go retire? I mean. I'd want that ending for him, to grow older, happy and safe, and warm and loved by his community. Maybe get him someone whose as loyal to him as he was to Ed(platonically or not).

In S1 he stated that's not a future he ever expected for himself. Sure, maybe next season we'll get some 'It's my final day before retirement' bullshit. But it will need to be set up.

To stay a first mate? Maybe! hell, Izzy loved Ed enough to 'let him' become a fisherman without talking him out of it. Clearly he enjoys the life he has on the revenge. Whose to say he won't enjoy being first mate under a different captain. Say, Olu, or Jim, or some rando they introduce next season.

To become Captain? Again, maybe? I can see it. The show ends with Stede and Ed in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Izzy and the crew run off for one more adventure (with the promise that yes, they'll visit as often as they can).

It's sad in a way. Knowing what we all know about history. How one day Captain Hands will die at sea. Either by being too slow in a fight, being caught, or their ship going down. But maybe that's what he wants?

THIS is the reason so many latched onto Izzy Hands. Stede and Ed will get a happy ending. Period. The End. But what about our crew? What about Izzy? Izzy's arc has meant so much for so many of us. I don't see him dying this season (FINGERS CROSSED) but this fucker would die for his crew.

SO. What do you think? As it stands right now.

[heidiamalia]

2 + 17 for the fic ask meme :)

okay so for some reason as tumblr does i guess i just never got notified you sent me something for this AHH

okay here goes -

2/ a fic you’ve re-read several times

oooooh gosh gotta run it back to my og's like an honorable mention because this one was one of those core memories, but beyond this point the series itself is just ash in my mouth.

the fallout by everythursday

Hermione learns about growing up through the redemption of Draco Malfoy.

i was lucky to download it when we still had access to the sacred texts [rip H&V] - but i'm sure ao3's got some orphan account with the numbers out there if ever the interest arose.

313k of war and smut and figuring shit out and it absolutely changed my life.

as a bonus to this question because now i feel bad its not a solid rec -

His Name is Stede - mercess [@spaceshipkat]

Ed never planned to see Stede Bonnet again, but after he learns Stede has been captured and is on his way to a short drop and a sudden stop, Ed declares no one gets to kill Stede but Ed himself. If that doesn't go as planned, well, Stede is far more wily than many give him credit for.

Or perhaps Ed is just a lying liar who lies.

-----

Ed’s breath caught, like a fist closing around his throat, at the sight of Stede there in the brig, wringing his hands and squinting through the shadows. He looked tired and weak, more like the sickly version of himself Ed had first met after he was cut free of the noose aboard the Spanish ship.

Most unfairly of all, he was still the most beautiful man Ed had ever seen.

if ever at all i can convince a person to witness [or endure, i know who you are, no pressure] this show, this would be the fic to have you be like whoah, okay, maybe. a post-s1 where i gasped when appropriate and shouted when i probably shouldnt have [3am rereads, i mean, yeah.] - reading this one with my heart in my hands gained me a deeply wonderful new friend along with it.

17/ a fic you wish you could read again for the first time

ughhhhh kastle fanfic writers are no fucking J O K E. we knew this.

what is left but a broken man - idekman

He's surprised by the amount of flowers at her grave.

He shouldn't be, really. Although Karen didn't have friends - or at least, not many. Murdock. Nelson. Ellison. And he was her boss before anything else.

He'd thought they'd been friends, too.

I kissed her, he thinks, a little desperately. It had just been on the cheek but he had hesitated, stayed there for a moment with that heat and that floral warmth that somehow radiated from her even in the chill air, and that had meant something. He thought it had. He had thought that, perhaps, she understood – understood that he couldn’t give her everything he wanted to, that he wasn’t ready, but that maybe some day he could be. That if he could ever have an after, he would have –

The thought is too painful to finish.

-

Karen Page is dead. Frank goes looking for her anyway.

i went into this one feeling like my heart was gonna be broken the whole fucking time but fuuuuuuck.

being able to walk with frank as we saw him discover karen in georgetown, in fagan corners, in his HEART! oh gosh i remember hitting this link and d e v o u r i n g this deep, sharp claw in to my chest with a grateful feeling.

ask me about the fic rec meme!

[adickaboutspoons]

Fanfic Masterprint

(envinoveritas over on AO3. Why settle for just one pseud?) Dearly Beloved “I know I haven’t any right to request anything of you, but I have a huge favor to ask and it simply can’t wait a moment longer. When you meet the right person, when your heart finally knows the perfect peace of love, who can possibly stand not to join together with their beloved as soon as humanly possible. Well, I’ve finally found the man for me. Ed, won't you help me finally realize my dream of joy?” Stede clasped Ed’s hand between both of his own again, his eyes shining, his cheek flushed, “Will you please marry me?”

Just like that, the blossoming hope within Ed’s chest was ripped out by the roots, leaving him raw and bleeding inside. Fresh tears, hot and unwelcomed, spilled down his face. His knees gave out and he leaned heavily on the capstan behind him. So that was it. In all his adventures, Stede had met someone new, and now he wanted to make it official. In absence of a willing clergyman to officiate, he’d decided the next best thing would do - a ship’s captain.

Stede asks Ed to marry him immediately upon seeing Ed again. Ed thinks he means he wants Ed to officiate a wedding between Stede and somebody else. A comedy of errors ensues. 8,241 words; Rated T

Something Weird A silly little ficlet in which Ed makes a proposition & Stede makes an assumption. 303 words; Rated T

Stede Sonnets I have a problem. It’s everyone’s problem now. An ever-expanding collection of sonnets. Let's say Rated M because some of them are kind of dirty.

Beautiful and Useless They were half-way across the state room before it became obvious where Stede intended to steer them, and Ed dug in his heels, refusing to move. “I’m not going to bleed all over your bed, mate. We can just sort everything out right here.”

Stede scowled at him. “We’ll do nothing of the sort!” he chided. “It’s bad enough that you were flaunting an open wound to the night air without also being cavalier about taking proper care of it afterwards. The only thing for it is to give it a proper cleaning and hope for the best. With any luck, the breeze was fresh enough and water clean enough to dissipate the miasma and keep it from penetrating you too deeply.”

“Miasma?” Ed chewed on the word, then swung his head round to face Stede, a brave smile rounding his cheeks and crinkling his eyes. Stede felt his scowl soften a bit; he wished Ed didn’t feel the need to put on such a show for his benefit. “As far as I recall, the only thing that penetrated me tonight was you. And mias-” here Ed grunted, the last syllable remaining unsaid, “didn’t come into play at all. Yet.”

After of the "Stab me" scene, Ed and Stede have different ideas about what direction the night is meant to go.

6,658 words; Rated T

Your Achilles There had to be some kind of code or secret word or sign known only to the upper crust that would signal to Stede that he had the all-clear to move full speed ahead, but any time he brought up courting in the course of their gentleman lessons, Stede’s naturally ruddy complexion went even redder and he stammered out some nonsense about how he was ill-qualified to advise as he and Mary hadn’t courted before their wedding. Stede didn’t like to talk about his life prior to the Revenge, and Ed didn’t like to press him too much, mostly because every scrap he’d gleaned about Stede’s past made his blood boil on Stede’s behalf. But also partially because, if the people in his life couldn’t recognize Stede’s value or be arsed to do everything in their power to keep him? Well, that was Ed’s incredible gain. Ed knew treasure when he saw it, and he damn well knew how to keep hold of it.

If only it would hold him first.

Alternative Perspective Sequel of "Beautiful and Useless."

It's...uh... significantly hornier.

10,038 words; Rated E Hook Head Man Tale Short one-shot resulting from an ofmd-daily challenge. 1,582 words; G-rated metafiction

Put Your Kraken Arms Around Me Stede smiled thinking about Ed broaching the subject earlier today (after they had decidedly been NOT sleeping in this bed). “Well, I've gotten kind of used to sleeping here and now that you're back and we're back together maybe we should. You know. Both. Sleep here. You know. If you want. Whatever.”

His affected indifference hadn't fooled Stede in the slightest. He now well knew that was just a front Ed put up when he wanted something especially badly. He'd kissed the frown off Ed's mouth and said he thought that was an excellent idea.

And it was.

In theory.

He'd designed this bed for two after all.

In theory.

inspired by @wearfinethingsalltoowell:

Imagine Stede not knowing bed-sharing etiquette and so he rolls over to the side to give Ed space, and then Ed is just like “nope. I’m getting a hug Stede no escape” 1,055 words; T-rated bedsharing fluff

And Hold Me And Touch Me “Fuck, I want you so bad, Stede,” Ed murmured against Stede’s neck. “Want you to hold me. Do you know how many times I dreamed of you holding me only to wake up in that goddamned bed alone? Do it. Put your fucking arms around me. Touch me. Don’t you want to touch me, lover?”

And, God, Stede really, really did. He wanted it so much he felt dizzy with want. When Ed’s mouth found his, he was kissing back with everything he had before he even realized what was happening. Ed’s passionate, mobile lips lighting up his whole brain like a beacon to let him know that this was it. He had made it. He was home. It felt so perfect - even better than he remembered.

And it was all wrong.

a response to @wearfinethingsalltoowell on tumblr:

Imagine Ed getting giggly drunk, dropping into Stede’s lap, telling him how pretty he is, kissing him, giving him the baby cow eyes, asking for snuggles

Now imagine it’s pre-reconciliation 1,160 words; Rated T

Advanced Maneuvers Stede pushed off with all the coiled power of his leg and whirled like a windmill in a hurricane, grabbing Ed by the lapels of his leather jacket. He then caught his foot in the hem of his nightshirt and sent them both tripping backwards until they hit the wall.

Ed licked his lips, huffing with the breath apparently knocked out of him again. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he murmured.

“I think I’m getting it!” Stede beamed.

“You could get it any time you wanted it,” Ed answered, his voice a throaty rumble.

Which was just observably false. If Stede could get it any time he wanted, he’d have gotten it right on the first go! Still, small steps on the road to improvement were encouraging. “Let’s go again!” he said, and scampered back to the starting mark.

Remember that scene where Ed taught Stede the "Unhand Me or Bleed" maneuver? No? Huh. 1st chapter rated T; can be read as a stand-alone. 2nd chapter rated E; written because I believe in rewarding lovely comments with smut. 9,190 words total

Timing is Everything Ed shifted his hips against the growing developments in his pants and groaned. Shit. Fuck. Shitfuck. How do you be normal when you just groaned whilst pinned under your unrequited crush with a raging hard-on and your hand under his clothes and inches from his dick?

“Well, that’s one way to get me on my back.”

Yep. Nailed it.

Alternative Perspective Sequel (that's my brand, baby) to Advanced Maneuvers. Ed offers to teach Stede the "Unhand me or bleed" maneuver. For purely altruistic reasons. Yep. 15,172 words; ALL of it rated E because I believe in rewarding lovely comments with smut AND Ed Teach is thirsty af.

Holy Fuck “Where would you hide out if you were running from the law? Somewhere safe and quiet, I’d wager. Probably a church, right?”

“I don’t know about that!”

“Why not? No temptations to worry about in a church, right? Not unless you’ve got some secret, steamy fantasies squirreling around in your belfry.”

Stede was quiet for just a hair too long. “No, quite right,” he agreed.

Ed looked over at him. Stede was still staring fixedly into the bottom of his glass, but now his face was a far-too-careful mask of nonchalance, which was belied by the way he was blushing all the way to the tips of his ears, and his Adam's apple bobbed around a pronounced swallow.

“Aaaugh. You DO, don’t you? Come on, mate. Spill.”

When Ed discovers that Stede "maybe they understand ecclesiastical Latin" Bonnet not only has a special interest in religion, but also harbors a super-secret sexual fantasy set in a church, the only way he can wheedle it out of him is by offering an exchange. He'll tell Stede his secret-church-sex-fantasy if Stede shares first.

Of course Ed doesn't have one.

But he's always been good at making things up on the fly. 6,119 words; E-rated priest-kink sacrelicious smutty smut. Under Par Stede was in hell. It wasn't a surprise, exactly, after so many Sundays of being shouted down about it in church, but he hadn't expected it quite so soon. Nor quite so verdant. Nor in the company of the Badminton twins.

Well, he might have guessed the part about the Badmintons.

As gladly as he'd suffer his scourges if he knew for certain those two were getting their licks as well, this was, unfortunately, only a metaphorical hell. A golf-outing-cum-business-meeting that he'd tried his level best to dodge but had finally run out of excuses.

From @jellybeanium124:

is anyone gonna write a fic where ed and stede ditch a country club party together and steal a golf cart and write around drunk?? ed in a golf cart please!

And @serious-goose:

i raise you flirty cartgirl!Ed. if you know you know. they basically sell drinks and snacks to old rich dudes at golf courses and ride around on golf cart drink carts. some flirt for tips... 😏

All I can say is "Por que no los dos?" Modern AU. 4,237 words; Rated T

Time Enough "ABANDON SHIP!" he howled to anyone who could hear him above decks. He pushed himself to his feet, though the floor slanted at a perilous angle, and the boards were slick with the water that was lapping over the window sill.

"Stede?" he said, casting his eyes around the cabin. His breath caught in his throat when he found him.

Stede was pinned to the wall with the map table slanting across his shoulders. His eyes were closed and he was bleeding profusely from a nasty-looking cut on his forehead.

He was also quite still.

from @let-me-dream-with-the-stars: If the show had enough of a budget, I had the idea yesterday of a moment where Stede and Ed trapped inside a room, maybe a sinking ship the revenge and the rooms filling with water. Just the ULTIMATE drama: trapped beneath a bookshelf? They have to keep pushing even as they are now underwater? One escapes and has to pull the other out as he's slowly becoming weak???

3,889 words; Rated T

Unbelievable a response to @ofmd-dailyquest prompt: Make Up Unbelievable Stories about The Most Fearsome Pirate.

The men of Bridgetown entertain themselves at the pub by exchanging stories about Blackbeard. Jeffrey Fettering has his own contribution, and it happens to involve his recently departed acquaintance, Stede Bonnet. 459 words; Rated T

Footsteps in the Dark Then he heard it.

The gentle click of the latch as his door slowly opened followed by the quiet cadence of familiar footsteps in the dark. Just like nearly every night for some weeks now.

The darkness of the night was profound; the moon hid her face & the inky depths of the sea spread out all around them, league upon league. And even were it not so Stede's sleep mask was snuggly fitted into place. Still he knew the steadily approaching gait as surely as he knew the sun would rise in the East and find him all alone in his lonely berth.

Originally posted to tumblr in response to a post from @nicnacsnonsense:

"No wait, Stede, come back! Tell me more about how you have Ed’s gait memorized."

This is the story of how that happened. 1,052 words; Rated T

Like I Want to be Awake It would be weird to go talk to him now, right? It was the middle of the bloody night for fuck’s sake. He was probably sleeping soundly after all the paces Ed put him through today.

But then again - last night they had slept all scrunched up in the main-top, and even the thrill of a triumphant and wholly spontaneous fuckery didn’t stop Ed’s back and neck from letting him know exactly how little they appreciated that kind of abuse at his age. And Stede had just woken from his fever yesterday. His barely-mended guts probably didn’t appreciate it much either. Maybe Ed should go check? Just to see how his convalescence was going. Wouldn’t even have to wake the man. He’s be in and out before Stede even knew he was there.

Which was how he ended up trying to shush and settle a startled Stede before his panicked screams woke the whole bloody ship. Alternative Perspective Sequel (that's my brand, baby) to "Footsteps in the Dark"

Response to @nicnacsnonsense comment on that fic: "also tell me more about Ed’s horny fingertips 😏" 17,338 words; Rated E

When a Good Plan Comes Together “What about an escape?”

Ed shook his head again. “There is no escape.”

Stede frowned and tilted his chin up at a commanding angle. “The most brilliant man I ever met said there’s always an escape.”

For a long moment, Ed regarded him silently, his expression inscrutable. “Sounds like a lunatic,” he scoffed.

“He was,” Stede assented, “in the very best of ways. I hope he still is.”

based on this prompt: Can you imagine the first time ed and stede does a huge fuckery together? Them getting to sit together and plan it all out with there heads close together leaning over their plans. Them getting ready for it together all giggly and excited and then executing it together all in sync. And after they will be so proud of each other. So proud of them. Kissing all full of adrenaline and the rush of the action.

Originally posted here 1,077 words; Rated T

Spin Captain’s eyes threw daggers at Jack, but his face was otherwise impassive. “And how does one play?” he asked Blackbeard.

“Easy-peasy. Spin the bottle, give a kiss to whoever it lands on.”

Even in the moonlight, Lucius could tell Captain’s complexion went darker. “Wha… That’s a game?” he blithered.

“Bottle landed on you, Stede,” Blackbeard said, taking another half-step toward Captain.

Oh my God. Was this happening happening? Lucius slipped his hand into Pete’s and squeezed.

inspired by @wearfinethingsalltoowell's Spin the Bottle prompt.

Slight canon divergence where Jack busts out Spin the Bottle instead of Whippies part 2 at the end of "We Gull Way Back". 2,544 words; Rated T

The Stede That Stayed Ed was awake the instant the door clicked quietly closed; of course he was. You didn’t live this (fucking interminably) long if you could sleep through a nighttime ambush. He remained still and silent, wondering who it was sneaking across the floor of the cabin toward him, taking such exquisite care to muffle their footsteps. Maybe young Jim, finally worked up the nerve to come stab him for marooning their Olu?

Good for them.

A quick little thing I jotted out while waiting for the new eps to drop. Now in the post-drop haze, I am delighted to say it is not canon-compliant.

Inspired by this prompt from @wearsfinethingsalltoowell:

"My favorite fic trope is Stede comes back in the middle of the night and Ed thinks it’s a dream and so they have sex. Then Stede’s still there in the morning and he is confused" 2,234 words; Rated E

The Devil’s Panties The rigidity bled out of him immediately, his shoulders going slack under Ed’s touch. He half-turned, but his knees went out from under him so Ed had to catch him around the waist lest he collapse to the floor. Stede threw one arm around his shoulders, clinging for dear life, and panting as though doing so was some herculean effort.

And fuck. Ed would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined many scenarios much like this one - Stede warm and pliant and panting in his arms. But he could also feel the heat rolling off him, as if he was working the bellows before an open forge. Something was definitely not right here. Ed unwrapped one arm from around Stede, tugged the half-glove of his hand off with his teeth, then pressed a hand against Stede’s forehead. Stede moaned restlessly and pressed his brow into the relative coolness of Ed’s palm and fingers. He was burning hot to the touch, a light sheen of perspiration slicking his skin, and his eyes glowed glassily as he looked at Ed from under hooded lids.

When Stede falls ill, Ed takes it upon himself to find out what he can about the strange, glowing flower that made his friend sick and to find a cure for his malady.

It sounds so innocent and wholesome, doesn’t it? j/k; It’s a sex-pollen story. 14,023 words; Rated E

I Keep My Head Above the Waves Sweat stung in Ed’s eye, and damp tendrils of his hair clung like tentacles around his face and neck. It rolled down his sides in tickling rivulets and seemed to pool in the small of his back until a particularly vigorous rock forward upset the delicate balance and sent it sliding down the cleft of his ass and along the insides of his thighs. His breath huffed out of him in hot, quick bursts - his mouth and throat feeling paradoxically dry when everywhere else he was sweat-slicked and dripping. God, he was so fucking hot - the kind of hot that made it feel as though his skin was burning from the inside, and his veins flowing with liquid fire. The kind of hot that made him a prisoner to the flesh, desperate for release. His vision blurred, as he hammered away, so close to finishing if he just… kept… going.

Stede and Ed have been working hard and making progress fixing up the old beach shack that they hope to turn into an inn. But one gruellingly hot summer day, Ed has a better idea of how to pass the time. 6,405 words; Rated E

Microfiction (tag novels and plot bunnies): 1985 (a dream I had that maybe will one day become an AU?) “In the Closet” a tag novel “Florida Man” a CJ tag-novel “Arm’s Length” a post-reunion, pre-reconciliation tag novel “Fine” an S2 wedding tag novel “Falling into Sunlight” a different S2 wedding tag novel “It’s Easy” a pr0ny tag novel “The Very Model” a Pirates of Penzance X-over tag novel “Can’t Hardly Weight” a gym-based AU tag novel “To the Mattresses” “Stacked” a cosplay-inspired library-centric tag novel “Let Me Check You Out” a sexy librarian AU tag novel “On the Edge of A Knife” a noir-style tag novel that I swear I’m actually going to write one day “At Least a Dozen Times” a tag novel “Whatever We Want it to Be” a tag novel that will almost certainly become a full fleshed-out thing

[avastyetwats]

The Place Where We Began

The Bell and Anchor Tavern.

The place where he and Charles met so many months ago. Where they - quite literally - bumped into each other. Where sparks flew, and not necessarily the good kind. At least not with James. His sparks had been more like fuses being lit, short fuses, because he certainly went off on Charles, which the other man had been amused by and even aroused. And later that same day, they ended up meeting yet again at a Rusty Anchors concert, their lead singer being that exact same man James Flint had gone off on hours prior. His ticket number had won the on-stage meeting and had it not been for Izzy and Stede practically forcing him to that concert and onto that stage, he would not be standing here with the love of his life. That very same man he went off on for bumping into him. That very same man that both embarrassed and defended him on stage. That very same man that changed his life for the fucking better.

He never thought it possible to love again. He never thought it possible to be happy again. And then he met Charles and suddenly, everything was possible. And everything did happen. All of that and so much more. He fell so deeply in love and though he was terrified of it and any thoughts of their future because of what happened to his first love, Thomas, Charles, as always, calmed any fears and any worries. Once a man that was unsure of marriage and parenthood, he was now completely sure of it and knew, without a doubt, he wanted it all. He wanted all of it with Charles and he could see it so clearly. Meeting his nieces certainly helped with that, and oh, he loved them dearly. He grew attached to them rather quickly and it only made him want children of their own even more, something Charles had been wanting for a long time. James had once been afraid of being unable to give that to him, but he was afraid no longer.

He wasn't afraid of anything thanks to Charles. So long as Charles was by his side, as long as they were together, he felt as though he could do anything. They could do anything. And they were certainly doing just that. They were living their life and enjoying it. James Flint was truly the happiest man alive, despite the argument that came from Izzy and Stede when saying that. All in good fun, of course.

The day they became engaged was certainly one of the happiest moments in James's life, even though what lead to that moment wasn't exactly the happiest. But James was able to get everything off of his chest, he was able to lay out all of his fears. All which had to do with losing Charles and the thought devastated him. It shattered him. But he knew he needed to stop living in fear and living in the past and start living in the present. He needed to focus on the now, on their life together and their future and in that moment, that's exactly what happened. Because he proposed to him. Not in the most romantic of ways, but it was romantic for them. He told Charles how he wanted to marry him, how he wanted a family with him, how he wanted everything with him and he meant every single word. They made love soon after and, well, that was some several days ago. They were engaged, except... James didn't have a ring in that moment. It wasn't how he wanted to propose, not that he planned one out anyway, but now... now he did. Now he had a ring.

So, he brought his unsuspecting fiancé back to the tavern where they met for a drink and dinner date, but he stopped just before the door to go inside. His heart was fucking racing. He didn't know why he was so nervous, since they were already engaged, but this time he'd be doing it with a ring and with other people witnessing. "This is where it happened," he starts, smirking. "Where you came out of those doors and bumped into me, spilling your drink all over," yes, he still blamed him. Jokingly, of course. "Fuck, I was so angry." He laughs, shaking his head. His smile is wide as can be. "And you had the nerve to fucking flirt with me, Charles." God, he was laughing harder now. At the moment, it wasn't at all amusing but it was now. Now that they could look back on that moment and smile and laugh.

"But I'm glad. I'm glad you ran into me and spilled your whiskey all over my trousers," he smirks, turning to face him. "I'm glad those two dragged me to your concert and that my number was called, despite how fucking embarrassing it was to be up there," but he'd gladly join him on stage now. "and I'm so fucking glad you invited me backstage because I would not have had the courage to ask you out." He admits, blushing and smiling. "Because you have changed my life, Charles. In ways I never thought possible. You've made me feel things I never thought I could feel again. You've made me... see a future, something I'd been unable to do. Afraid to do." Now he was tearing up. Fuck. "I don't feel afraid when I'm with you. I just feel so... fucking elated. All good and nothing bad." He drops to one knee and reaches into his pocket, then, pulling out a small, blue box. "I know we're already engaged, but I didn't have a ring at the time," He chuckles. "So now that I do, I thought I'd do this again. Without punching a wall this time..." Another laugh. "Charles Vane, will you make me the happiest fucking man alive and marry me?" He pops open the box. "I'll let you ride me like a stallion again." He couldn't help himself with that one. @fornassau

[onlylostphysics]

@ofmdjanuaury day 10: Radio!

my brain: radio -> vhf operators -> Ed and Stede in opposite camps during the apocalypse??

Sure, why not.

---

Day 178. Transcript of transmissions received at Camp Revenge. Messages start 05:38.

05:38 > Edward? Are you there?

05:38 > Camp Revenge, Camp Revenge, are you there? Please respond. Over.

05:40 > Ed, please. I'm sorry for what I said, before the storm. I'm -- I shouldn't have said that. Ed, please, just talk to me. I'm so sorry.

05:41 > Ed, please let me know you're alright.

05:42 > If anyone else is getting these, could you please pass a message along to Ed? Tell him I'm very sorry, and -- <static, a rush of sound> -- I love him.

05:44 > That's for Edward Teach, I mean. I never asked if there were any other Eds at your base. Apologies if that went to the wrong Ed. My one -- I mean, Ed, Edward Teach, he used the call sign Blackbeard, when we first started talking. Just in case there's more than one Edward Teach over there.

05:46 > It's Stede, by the way. I'm the only Stede over here. Possibly the last one left in the world, I suppose.

05:46 > I'd consider talking to other Eds if they're available.

05:46 > But I'm afraid there's only one I'm in love with.

05:47 > Gosh, that's nice to say out loud. I love you.

05:47 > I love you.

05:47 > Ed, I'm so in love with you.

05:48 > Please, just let me know you're alright.

---

(and then i started wondering what dumbass thing Stede said, and this happened:)

---

"Stede," Ed starts, and the pause lingers for so long that Stede frowns at the radio. He's reaching for the knob when Ed's voice crackles back to life. "Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone without having ever seen their face?"

Stede laughs, short and intrigued. "I'm not sure. How would you even get to know them?"

"I dunno, maybe --" Ed starts, stops, and Stede looks at the dials. There's a very odd lag today. "Maybe they write letters to each other."

Stede leans back in his chair, the old metal squeaking. "Well, I suppose so. It is easier to bare your soul through a letter than face to face, I've found," he says, tangling his fingers in the coiled cord that links the handset to the controls. "Although, can you really know someone just through words on a page? They could be concealing something humongus and you'd never know!"

"I hope so," Ed says, and Stede hears Mary cough in the next room. He's about to ask what that means, but Ed barrels on: "But, I dunno, what if you'd told each other everything? And you really liked the way they said things?"

Stede hums. "Well, I've certainly fallen in love with a fair few authors in my time. But it would be rather different if I met them! I wouldn't expect them to feel the same way about me as I did about them."

"Oh," Ed says, and then, "Right, yeah, I get it."

"It would be quite strange to expect any kind of reciprocation," Stede says.

"Yep," Ed says.

There's a pause.

"You lot ready for the storm?" Ed asks

"Oh! Yes, I think so. Doug's been reinforcing the east wall, he thinks we'll muddle through without too much damage."

"Great. Good. I should go, we've got a -- thing. Battens to hatch. Hatches to -- fuck, gotta go. Bye, Stede. Out."

"Oh, I -- goodbye, Ed! Out."

Stede stares at the dials for a long moment, wondering if maybe he should call back and... something. Double check they're okay. Set a time for checking in after the storm, maybe. Although surely Ed would have mentioned that, if he thought it was necessary.

Stede sighs, the chair complaining as he spins, and then flinches back because Mary's leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed, her mouth tight and small.

"Stede," Mary says, with that glare that still -- despite everything, despite the world ending and the revelation about Doug and the saving each other's lives and the honest, soul-baring conversations they've finally been having -- makes Stede's heart squeeze tight, like it's trying to make itself a smaller target. "You are such a dick."

Stede frowns. "That seems a bit uncalled for."

"Ed's trying to tell you he loves you, idiot," she says, her glare softening into something disappointed and familiar.

"What?" Stede says, and laughs. "No, he --" he says, and then, "that wasn't what he -- " and then, "he could have just said if he --" he says, and trails off.

"Oh god," Stede says, and reaches for the handset just as the first patterings of the glass wind hit the walls.

The radio spits nothing but static.

---

(Ed's fine. He's just... got things to do. In places other than the radio room. He asked Fang to keep an ear on the radio and write down anything that comes through, but only respond if it's an emergency.

Fang is feeling very torn between rushing off to get Ed and not wanting to miss anything Ed's boyfriend says. He hasn't cried this much since they found that dog wandering outside the bunker and he was allowed to keep her.)

the rest of my JanuAUry fics can be found on tumblr or AO3!

[emerald-echeveria-plant]

Baozhai's Crew

WARNING: MENTIONS OF MURDER, PROSTITUTION, AFFAIRS, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, EXPERIMENTATIONS, RACISM(?), SEXISM, UNFAIR TREATMENT, COLONIZATION, KIDNAPPING, & DEATH OF LOVED ONES

Viewer discretion advised.

(lol what did you except?)

Ex-Captain

Stede "Longbow" Bonnet

Personality: Kind, gentle, hot-tempered

Gender: Male

Age: 54 years old

Species: ???

Ethnicity: European

Looks: ???

Backstory: Before turning to a life of crime, Bonnet was a wealthy man that unfortunately went bankrupt after a storm ruined all crops and house. Seeing the successfulness of the pirating, he decided to become one too. Commissioning for a ship to be made. He then got himself a crew at a local tavern.

Bonnet was a terrifying looking man. No one knew what alien species he was. Yet, some would describe him looking like a horrific dinosaur with his sharp teeth on the outside. Nearly many pirates didn't want to interfer with him. Yet, he was a gentle giant. He never killed anyone during his piracy and instead chose to set the free after he raided all their Treasure. This earned him the nickname "the gentleman pirate". He swore to never kill anyone. That was until Baozhai joined his crew, where at times he wanted to strangle the woman to death. Bonnet would often butt heads with Baozhai because of her decision in murdering victims instead of letting them go. She didn't care for their lives and it was obvious that she enjoyed the brutality. Baozhai didn't like Bonnet because he was an ex-noble and thought he was only trying to get his precious comfortable life back. Bonnet wanted to get rid of Baozhai at times but couldn't because the crew loved her. She was charismatic, fierce, and determined when it came to pirating. Baozhai was everything that Bonnet wasn't. Unfortunately, his life came to an end when Baozhai killed him in a duel for the role of captain. He fought hard yet only managed to leave her with a mutilated face. Bonnet never wanted her to become Captain because he knew she would do horrible things.. and he was very, very right.

- Another nickname he earned was "long bow" because of how good of an archer he was.

- Bonnet may or may not be the same species of the future Captain Flint

Quartermaster

Ironbeard

Personality: unafraid, ambitious, revengeful

Gender: Male

Age: 43 years old

Species: Robot

Ethnicity: ???

Backstory: ???

Looks: ???

- Ironbeard was made to be apart of navy. They made him smart, calculated, tough, and have a bold attitude.

- The robot would be often mistreated at the navy as he was never really taken seriously and the others only saw him as a piece of equipment than a person. This made him have grudge against the navy for a very long time..

- Ironbeard joined her crew around the time Baozhai took over the role of captain. He saw an opportunity to leave behind his old life and to stick it to the navy for mistreating him.

- Ironbeard quickly rose up in the ranks from cabin boy to second mate because he proved to be much more qualified for the job than any of the other crewmates on board.

- A sort of friendship sparked between Ironbeard and Baozhai. She trusted him a lot. So much so that she even shared pieces of her life with him. Ironbeard is the only person that knows of Baozhai's past.

Gunners

Lilliana Solace & Lenny Solace

Personality: weird, quiet, secretly judging

Gender: Female. - Male

Age: 17 years old. - 17 years old

Species: Terran. Terran

Ethnicity: Swedish

Looks:

Backstory: At birth they were conjoined twins. A sister attached to her brothers side. It was a phenomena that twins of different genders could be conjoined. Scientists wanted to test and observe the children. So, her and brother were taken away from their parents in order to be experimented on. They were one of many conjoined twins that were experimented on. Yet, the only ones that survived. After years of studying the two, the doctors were finally able to tear them apart without killing one or both. It was a major success that they were able to split. Newspapers were printed out, congratulating the doctors on the success. After they were given back to their parents at the age of eleven years old. Although the twins acted abnormally strange... For days, they wouldn't speak to anyone else. Only to themselves. The twins refused to speak to their own parents. They'd have these cold, dead expressions on their faces as they whispered to each other. Their whispers were so quiet, no matter how close you got, you still wouldn't be able to hear them. Their parents grew worried and told the doctors about their behavior. Once again, they were taken back to be watched over. The twins strange behavior were observed. For a majority of the days, the twins would sit and watch the passing stars through the window they had. Lenny would point out a star as Lilliana whispered something to him. This was on repeat for several days until the doctors had enough and separate the two for a while. Even then when they were separated, the didn't answer any of the questions the doctors would ask.

"are you hungry?"

"tired?"

"are you okay?"

Nothing came out of their dry lips. That was until the final day came when they finally saw each other and the two began to speak in rhymes. It seems that the two being kept apart made a change their behavior. Perhaps keeping the two away from each other was the best thing to do... The doctors thought so. The twins, not so much. Hearing that the were to be kept apart, this time not for a short period, the made a decision then and there. The twins ran away and hopped onto the nearest ship. The ship happened to be Bonnet's ship. When finding the two children, huddled up in the corner of their supplies. After they explained their story through rhymes, Bonnet made them his cabin boys. If they didn't want to work, he'd "unfortunately" have to return them to their home planet. The two agreed to this even if they didn't really like it. For a year, they proved themselves to be capable of being pirates. They fought off enemies, stole tons of treasure, and freaked people out just by doing nothing. The twins weren't really liked or disliked amongst the crew because they were very weird and oddly quiet. Their strategy in working together by copying the act of the other like a reflection of a mirror, made them be respected amongst the crew members. Yet, the thing they were most impressive at were being gunners. After observing other pirates use the machines, they themselves began to practice using them when everyone else was asleep. The twins impressed some of the crewmates by taking out a rival pirate ship all on their own. The twins believed they were capable of handling the gunners. Bonnet didn't think so and still kept them as cabin boys. That was until Baozhai took over the role of captain and promoted the youngesters to gunners.

- Supposedly, the two can predict the future because the night before Bonnet died, the twins told him to swear an iron plate near his chest. Bonnet was obviously confused by this and ignored them... Baozhai ended up stabbing Bonnet in the heart, killing him.

First mate

Islay Lee

Personality: Aggressive, fierce, talks her own mind, and avoidant

Gender: Female

Age: 32 years old

Species: Heloderma

Ethnicity: Australian

Looks:

Backstory: Islay always lived aboard ships. From the day she was born to her very last breath. Her father was a boatswain and taught Islay all the things she'd know about the duties on a ship. Her mother was unknown and left Islay when she was a baby. Islay was very smart but never put that intelligence into school or an academy. She often got into a scuffle with other students because of her feisty behavior. Islay ended up dropping out of school at the age of ten years old. Her didn't seem to mind. As long as he had his daughter by his side, he'd be happy. When Islay turned seventeen years old, her father died from tuberculosis. She mourned his death heavily as he was her the only family. Her father's death never really left her mind. The thought of losing someone again, scared her. So, she tried to never open herself up to people. This made her very aggressive towards others, especially with those who tried flirting with her. She'd end up fighting anyone who tried to comfort her or sympathize with her. Islay didn't want to be sympathized with. She only wanted to be left alone.

Her old crew ended up kicking her out for always fighting with others. So, Islay looked around to find a new crew ship to join. This is when she came across Bonnet. He hired her on the spot for as he needed more people to join his crew. Islay never cared for Bonnet, she thought he was always too slow with his plans against merchant ships and when they were underattack, he had no idea what to do. She thought about taking over the role but never went through with it because she didn't think she was strong enough to lead. When a new member joined, Baozhai, Islay didn't like her either. Then after seeing Baozhai in action against merchant ships, Islay's dislike for her changed to tolerance. She saw the potential in her but thought she was too much of a lunatic that shouldn't even be near any in position of power...

Oh, would you look at that, Baozhai killed Bonnet and became captain. Islay continued to tolerate her but would sometimes argue with Baozhai over her decisions on planning.

- It's rumored she was in a relationship with Billy Bones and she ended the relationship after her father passed away.

Mechanic

Leonid Gorbachev

Personality: stoic, mysterious, unfriendly

Gender: Male

Age: 42

Species: Ursid

Ethnicity: Russian

Looks:

Backstory: ???

- Has an unknown backstory and wants to keep it that way.

- is a skilled mechanic that previously worked for a secret organization that ended up falling apart.

- Was the first crewmate Bonnet hired.

- Never really liked Bonnet because Leonid thought he was a weak man who didn't know what he was doing most of the time. Leonid wanted to take over the ship himself but feared the captain too much to do so.

- When Baozhai joined, he grew to like her because of her hatred for the Nobility. Leonid would often encourage her to take over the role of captain because she'd make a much better one than Bonnet. Truth be told, he wanted her to become Captain so that he could then kill her and have the role himself. He didn't go through with the plan after realizing how much treasure they were getting from Baozhai's strategic plans against the nobility.

- Fluently speaks Russian.

- Has a thick accent.

Crewmate

Fleance Bal

Personality: sarcastic, witty, ambitious, clever, and weak

Gender: Male

Age: 28

Species: Robot

Ethnicity: ???

Looks:

Backstory: Fleance was made for the single purpose to satisfy customers. As in satisfy, I mean sexually pleasure patrons that would come into brothels in exchange for payment. Fleance was one of many pleasure bots that would go on and be sold to the highest bidder. He was sold for about three-hundred gold coins. His purchaser owned a brothel. They wanted a new attraction to bring in more patrons to their brothel so they bought Fleance for that sole purpose. Pleasure bots were fairly new at the time. So, this would be a great way to bring in more money. Fleance never questioned it. As long as he made his owner happy, he never would. He was the main attraction at the brothel. Many patrons, woman or man wanted to go "for a test run" on Fleance. Fleance heavily enjoyed this attention. He liked being able to make others happy. Even if his sole purpose was to satisfy them. And only them. After years of working at the brothel, Fleance became very depressed. He grew tired of being used as a s*x toy. The thrills of pleasure made him bored. Alcohol and drug use only made him dependent on the substances for a very long time. Fleance was treated awfully at the brothel. It took him a while to notice when the other workers began to ridicule and mock him. Even his owner would treat him as such. Fleance only wanted to be treated like everyone else. Yet, he never got it in the end. That was until Bonnet walked into the brothel. The kind captain noticed Fleance crying in his private room. Never had Bonnet seen a man cry before. Yet, he felt incredibly touched by the robot after telling him his woes. Bonnet feeling sympathetic towards Fleance, gave him a way to leave his cruel life behind by joining his crew. Fleance eagerly agreed to the idea. There was one problem though... The owner of the brothel didn't want him to leave. They demanded a heavy payment if Fleance was to leave. Bonnet, threatened the owner of destroying his entire brothel if they didn't let Fleance go. The owner, terrified at this threat, finally let Fleance go.

Happy at his new freedom, Fleance dedicated to making Bonnet happy. Whether if that was through stealing treasure or rounding up more crewmates. Fleance went from crewmate to first mate in only a matter of months. Bonnet enjoyed the company of Fleance. As most of his crew members questioned his leadership, Fleance stood by his side. He always tried convincing the other crewmates that Bonnet was a great captain but they'd always dismiss him. When Baozhai aboarded the ship, Fleance could already tell she was going to be trouble. Yet, he never thought she'd kill Bonnet. Unfortunately, that was the case when she became captain. Fleance, extremely furious that she killed Bonnet, began to plan on killing Baozhai. He tried several methods like poisoning her or flat out killing her in her sleep. Unfortunately, his methods were often foiled by the quartermaster, Ironbeard. Ironbeard was not about to let Fleance murder the captain. Ironbeard would threaten him and beat him up if he even thought about it. Fleance huffed and said, "fine." It was amazing how he managed to stay apart of the crew despite him trying to kill Baozhai. Well, he still does on a few occasions try to kill her but they're always foiled by Ironbeard.

- Baozhai knows that Fleance tries to kill her but never threw him overboard because she thought his attempts were hilarious.

- Leonid gave him some upgrades with the addition of arm canons and being able to fly

Doctor

Octavia Oshima

Personality: regretful, intelligent, revengeful, compassionate, and hard-working

Gender: Female

Age: 35

Species: Cephalopid

Type: Archithan

Ethnicity: Japanese

Looks:

Backstory: Octavia is a sophisticated young woman who entered the field of medicine. She was inspired to become a doctor after her five-year-old brother died from measles. Octavia was determined to find a cure for the disease so that others wouldn't meet the same fate. She went to one of the best academies to study about medicine. Octavia struggled though as many of her peers would put her down for wanting to become a doctor. She was one of the only women in the classroom. The teachers never gave her any respect because of her species and gender. She'd be harassed while trying to get to class. No matter how hard they put her down, she was incredibly determined to become a doctor.

After years of jumping through hoops at the academy, Octavia finally graduated amongst her fellow classmates. She felt like the hard work finally paid off. She could finally work with others like herself in order to help others. Unfortunately, that's not what happened. Octavia had a hard time finding a job in her field. She was shoved aside for other doctors who they already had some connections with or those who weren't an Archithan. Having enough with this discrimination all her life, Octavia decided to work by herself if she wasn't going to be allowed to work with others. In her own spare time, Octavia tested, observed, and published her own findings. In one case she was able to find the reason why measles was caused. She worked hard to find a cure for the disease, the very same one that took her brothers life. It involved her getting it herself in order to test various cures, to see which one would work best. After months of dealing with the painful disease, she was finally able to find the cure. Octavia had her work published to the press for her amazing discovery. After the news spread like wildfire, those who had turned her away, began to finally take notice of her work. They allowed her to work alongside them... for a while. What they wanted was her work which they successful stole when she was away from home. They later went to the public, announcing they were the ones that had actually found the cure. They presented their evidence with the research Octavia worked so hard on. Octavia was framed as a fraud and a thief in the eyes of the public. When the news finally reached her, she tried hard to clear her name but the damage was already done. Octavia's reputation was ruined....

In retaliation, Octavia wanted to destroy the lives of those who had lied about her. That's when she came across a pirate named Baozhai in a tavern. Octavia had overheard Baozhai's conversation about wanting to burn down an opera house. An opera house many nobels liked to visit. After observing her for a while, Octavia came up with a plan for her revenge. She'd join Baozhai, convince her the ones that ruined her reputation were nobels, and watch them get what they deserve. And that's exactly what she did. Yet, Octavia hadn't realized the damage she would cause. Not knowing of Baozhai's brutality, she murdered the liars in the worst ways possible. Their mangled corpses were ingrained Octavia's mind as she realized what she had done. Yet, there was no turning back now. Octavia became a wanted pirate amongst the other crewmates and Baozhai. This was her life now, a life she despised.

- Octavia would often drink to forget her mistakes. This later made her become an alcoholic.

Cook

Cletus Callaway

Personality: might be a sociopath, humorous, teasing, and hard-working,

Gender: Male

Age: 30

Species: Terran

Ethnicity: European

Looks:

Backstory: Cletus grew up on Terra to a loving southern family. He never cared to going to school, so he decided to work on his family's farm to make a living. In his late teens, he met Georgia Maine. A beautiful young woman who easily wooed the young lad. It didn't take long for the two to end up in a relationship. Georgia never truly loved Cletus as she was only after his family's land. She'd have a multitude of affairs behind his back for their entire relationship. In their early twenties, the two finally got married. Cletus decided to sell his family's land at the persistence of his wife. He went off to work at a factory who is something he deeply hated. Yet, did it for his wife. Cletus was unaware of her having affairs behind his back. One day when Cletus came home earlier than usual, he came into his and his wife's room only to see his wife and her affair partner in their beds. After catching them in his bed, he proceeded to murder them both with an axe nearby. He turned himself in after committing the crime. Cletus didn't feel any guilt for what he did. So, his reasoning for turning himself in is still unknown. For a short while he was put inside an asylum before he'd sentenced to execution for his misdeeds. Although a certain asylum uprising happened, causing the patients to revolt against the doctors and the nurses. All of this was led by Baozhai who started the uprising in order to escape. She wasn't the only one to escape as Cletus and a few other patients did as well. He didn't really know what to do after he escaped. Cletus knew he'd be wanted on Terra. He left the planet before the police found out that he escaped as well. Cletus was able to leave be joining up with Bonnet's crew. Bonnet needed a cook so hired Cletus after Cletus proved he was qualified for the position. He proved it by making a rather tasty soup with very few ingredients. After traveling around a bit, Cletus immediately recognized Baozhai when she first aboarded the ship as the same person who started the asylum uprising. He quickly became close to her because he liked her ambition and psychopathic personality. Cletus saw her as a natural born leader and advised her to become the new captain.

- Cletus has a southern accent.

- It's unknown whether or not he has a mental illness.

Boatswain

Noëmie Von Marietta

Personality: Timid, polite, easily scared, talented, and organized

Gender: Female

Age: 23

Species: Canid

Ethnicity: French

Looks:

Backstory: Noëmie was one of thirteen children to Jean and Charlotte Von Marietta. The family lived a comfortable life with her father Jean being apart of the Senate on their home planet. Jean was a respectable and likeable man. He'd often put others before himself and would seek to improve the life of the people. At his time in the Senate, he wanted to put an end to the monarchy of the eitherium in order for an established government to be made. A majority of people agreed with him, even young Noëmie and a few of her family members. While her husband was away dealing with political matters, Charlotte ran an Inn with her children helping alongside her. Noëmie and her five older siblings would be waiters/waitresses and cooks. At the same time, Noëmie would go to a girls only private school along with her sisters. At school a passion for music grew in Noëmie. She'd often practice playing several instruments like piano, harp, and flute. Noëmie would even practice singing as well. She became a very skilled singer that she'd be apart of several theater shows just for others to hear her sing. Her siblings never had to pay to go to the shows though. Because they could just press their heads against her bedroom door to hear her sing. She became just as likeable as her father because of her musical talents and kindness. Jean tried convincing Noëmie to get a career in law because he wanted her to join him in the Senate. Noëmie decided against it. as much as she agreed with her father's views, she never actually wanted to be in the senate. Instead, she already made her choice in becoming apart of the musical arts. Her father was saddened but respected her choices. Later on, his two older sons would join him. At the age of eighteen years old, Noëmie became very beautiful. Many men would often ask for her hand in marriage. She'd always say no because she became overwhelmed at the many proposals. Her life truly changed when a young nobleman by the name of Jacque Levi, constantly persued her. No matter how many times Noëmie said no, Jacque continued to ask her. Noëmie didn't like Jacque because he'd often make fun of her father, his beliefs, and he'd never leave Noëmie alone. Jean having enough of Jacque's bullshit, wrote him a letter to knock it off or he'd challenge him to a gun duel. The two men never really liked each other as Jacque supported the continuation of the monarchy while Jean didn't. It didn't help that Jacque would make unflattering remarks of Jean whenever he was around. When Jacque received the letter, he decided he did want to duel Jean..

At the break of dawn near a channel, the two men prepared for the gun duel. Most people believed Jean would win because he was an experienced soldier. When they turned their backs and stepped ten steps forward. They turned and a shoot was fired... Shockingly, Jean was the one bleeding to death. He was quickly taken to the hospital but it had already been too late. He passed away before the doctors could help him. His family mourned his death. Yet, the one who mourned the most was Noëmie. She felt guilty because she felt as though it was her fault for his death. Noëmie would spend days locked away in her room, crying. Her two older brothers, angered that Jacque killed their father, challenged Jacque on separate occasions. Sadly, the first older brother met the same fate as his father. The second brother had to have his eye replaced with that of a cyborg one. Jacque became heavily disliked on their home planet. Yet, the people could do nothing as Jacque had connections with the royals. Seeing this as a win, Jacque tried asking Noëmie again for her hand I. Marriage. When no one was home, Noëmie let him inside in order to "discuss" the proposal. Instead of having a civil discussion, what happened was Noëmie bashing Jacque's head in with a piece of fine china. After the adrenaline of anger washed over her, Noëmie was shocked she killed someone. Her mother and her two older sisters walked into house, seeing Noëmie in a frozen state with a dead body nearby. Not wanting her daughter to go to jail or be sentenced to death, Charlotte and her other older sons threw the dead body over a cliff. They managed to hide the evidence and made it seem like an accident. It seemed like all was well but Noëmie's paranoia caused her to spill the beans. Now everyone knew what truly happened to Jacque. The royals, angered at this, wanted Noëmie to be hung. Once again, not wanting her daughter to be killed, Charlotte paid a man called Cletus Callaway to have Noëmie board the ship he was on and take her far, far away. Cletus, happily bribed, agreed and snuck Noëmie on board. It didn't take long before Baozhai found out that there was an unwanted person on her ship. Just as Baozhai was to brutally murdered Noëmie, Noëmie fell to her knees and recounted her sorrow tale to the brutal captain. Instead of feeling sympathy, Baozhai was impressed at what she had done. Baozhai decided to allow Noëmie to be on board the ship as long as she worked and participated in their pirating.

- Noëmie would write letters to her family about her well-being and the adventures she had.

- Noëmie tries to be a good pirate but would often be frightened at killing someone. Baozhai encouraged her to do so by reminding her of their deal.

Cabin boy

Archie Mulligan

Personality: cocky, mischievous, greedy, trickster, unhonest

Gender: Male

Age: 15

Species: Ailurus

Ethnicity: ???

Looks:

[POV: He sees your wallet]

Backstory: Archie was put in an orphanage on Terra when his home planet was invaded and taken over by another alien race. He was only three years old when he lost his family to the invaders. Ships were able to take people off the planet while the invasion was going on. Yet, space was very limited on board. His family couldn't board because there was barely any room left. That they could only got one more person. So, his mother put him on board in order to give him a life that she never could. Archie was one of few people to have been extremely lucky to escape the planet when they could. The rest that were left behind were either slaughtered or kept as slaves. At the orphanage, Archie was adopted by Susan Mulligan, the woman who ran the orphanage. She adored his cuteness and decided to make the boy her son. Susan loved him so much that she spoiled Archie rotten.

She gave him whatever he wanted. New clothing, sweets, and toys. ANYTHING. Because of her spoiling him, Archie became a "bit" of a brat. He'd throw a tantrum if he didn't get what he wanted. Archie would steal other children's things. Especially at the orphanage. He'd often be protected by his mother by pleading innocence. His mother would often believe him and punish the other children who tattled on him. This made the orphans hate Archie and refuse to interact with him. Archie never really had any friends growing up. At the age of thirteen years old, Archie began to steal more than just toys and treats but money as well from unsuspecting adults. The lad had sneaky fingers and would steal jewelry and precious items from anyone and everyone. After becoming skilled at stealing from others, he began to do it so often, he never really had a use for any of the items he stole. He only stole just for the sake of stealing. Unfortunately karma would hit him in the face, when Susan went to clean Archie's room, she noticed all the things he had stolen. From jewelry to bags of gold coins and even her own belongings, Susan became enraged. So enraged, she kicked out the thirteen year old.

Now that he was homeless, Archie relied on his thievery. He wasn't as successful like the last times as people would chase him off for trying to steal from them. Yet, he continued to try because he didn't know how to get a job. Although when he managed to steal something, it was quickly stolen by someone bigger than him. Archie's consequences finally dawned on him when he had to sleep outside in the cold. It led to him crying because of how miserable and tired he was. Although, Archie was able to get scraps of food by people who pitied the boy. After a year of being homeless, Archie tried to steal once again from someone at a tavern. Except, he was stealing from the wrong person. That person being Baozhai. Baozhai noticed her bag of money being pulled out from her pocket by the little red panda. She immediately grabbed Archie by the back of his neck and held him up. Baozhai mocked the boy for trying to steal from her. She took out her dagger and threatened to cut off his hands for being a petty thief. Archie begged her not to do it. Begging he would do anything to stop her from hurting him. Intrigued by this offer, Baozhai agreed to this. She ended up taking aka kidnapped Archie aboard her ship. Baozhai made him a cabin boy and he wasn't allowed to leave unless her say so. Archie hated Baozhai for having him work. He never worked a day in his life! How was he supposed to figure out what he was doing? Baozhai simply told him to figure it out. It took him a while to learn what he had to do but finally got the hang of it. For a while Archie hated being on the ship but realized all the good things about being on a pirate ship. He got to witness action, he actually had a place to sleep, and got a meal once in a while. Archie began to enjoy to live on the pirate ship even if it came with lots of work. He learned to not be a spoiled brat from his experience of being homeless. At fifteen years old, Baozhai began to let him take part of the pirating. Which allowed him to get a share of the riches. Baozhai decided to use Archie for other things as well... Because he was small, fast, and sneaky, she used him to pull pranks against her enemies and steal plans. Archie, went from hating Baozhai to viewing her as a mother figure.

- Octavia would often take Archie somewhere else on the part of the ship when Baozhai was torturing someone to death. Archie knew what was happening by simply hearing the screams. He gladly never actually full on witnessed Baozhai doing these horrible acts.

(Also I would love to thank @aalbliii for letting me use her creation of the Cephalopid and ideas for Octavia!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thanks bud! I REALLY, REALLY appreciate it🥺🥺🥺😍😍😍 (つ ◜‿◝ )つ❤️)

[naranjapetrificada]

As the "dealing with grief and other big feelings dredged up by the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟" thing appears to be sticking around I thought it was time for a master post about my new favorite thing:

Healing thru fanfic!

I should say up top that a) I usually prefer fic that's canon-compliant or only slightly canon-divergent, especially for healing purposes because I think it helps with immersion and b) the list is short right now but it's definitely gonna grow as time moves on. Anyway, recs beyond the cut:

Fallow Land & Bigger Sky: I've already mentioned before how reading (and sitting with and processing) Fallow Land & Bigger Sky was so incredibly healing but here I am, doing it again! And even if the emotional appeal doesn't get you to read it, you should try it for the beautiful imagery, poetic writing, and carefully and lovingly crafted (and canon-compliant) character study of one Edward Teach.

It's the kind of writing that makes contemplative manual labor, stunning vistas, a mischievous nun, a cute little black lamb, and gallons of homebrewed wine all feel as essential to the fandom experience as any other way we spend time with our blorbos. I literally cannot believe how beautiful and well-executed this story is sometimes.

Brace Yourself and Nestle into Me: I literally just read this one this morning, and it's actually what inspired me to make this post. The premise is that Ed and Stede figure out that they're into each other around episode 7, and they're deliriously happy to know that they feel the same way about each other. But Stede has some (understandable) sexual dysfunction around being queer thanks to the horrible society that he grew up in. Ed is a darling trying to help him through it all, and along the way he realizes he also has some of his own hangups he needs to work through together.

I appreciate that this one doesn't treat healing like a straight line because it never is, and emphasizes that trust can't just be implicit, you really have to talk it through as a crew, even if it's just a crew of two broken middle-aged men who are desperately in love with each other. It also gets into some of the stuff I've been talking about on here about grieving your former selves and the selves you never got to be, which was validating as hell. That sounds heavy and there are concepts that are literally part of modern therapy modalities woven into the story, but there are also warm and loving and hilarious moments too, including this gem:

“Also can you just imagine how proud little horny baby gay Stede would be know you would be to know that whatever he went through, today you’ve got your own ship and are getting completely railed by Blackbeard? I mean, just absolutely dicked down by the most famous pirate in history? He would lose his mind.”

To paraphrase the author notes, the "Healing Power of Gay Sex"  won't fix everything, but I put it to you as a reader that reading and thinking about it also helps. And sometimes it can shake something loose you didn't know you were holding onto! Which is great!

Adrift Between the Dreaming Seas: Based on my usual filtering on ao3 I probably never, ever would have come across this fic if it weren't for a recommendation someone posted on this hellsite. It's got fantasy elements, allegory, metaphors stacked on metaphors, talking animals, and so many other things that would have kept me from ever discovering it on my own. My life would be poorer for it.

Basically Stede is cursed to be a lighthouse keeper on an island that seems to move around the world. Animals show up and the ones who talk to him are members of the crew, and Ed is an actual kraken. It's all this symbolism about monstrosity and trauma and maladaptive coping and the messiness that is Stede's kindness scraping against his self loathing. I shed tears of many kinds along the way, and it made me think hard about community and recovery and the things we do to and for ourselves and others.

It's just a lovely little gem of a story that made me feel so much so deeply while also making me laugh much more than I was anticipating. I'm so glad I gave it a chance.

[that's it for now, more as I keep up my deep dive into the ao3 archives]