#and for all characters to just lose all aspects of themselves that were intriguing and their arcs ended abruptly and unsatisfyingly

[starry-toya]

so. none of the villains ever got to be happy huh. they just fucking died, everyone else claims they were "saved" when in actuality none of the things that made them actually become villains were ever properly addressed. they died and lived for literally nothing. spinners character and his fucking book have been forgotten about despite him being alive and the rest of his friends dead

[cosmicangst]

ok ok ok i just got home and as always here are my thoughts

really enjoyed colin lemoine's take. in terms of just pure vibes hes a step closer to damon daunno than reeve carney. he's not as boyish comic relief as nicholas barasch and he feels like the most.... grounded?? orpheus i've seen. he acts out the "touched" aspect without flanderizing orpheus into just his naivete and rendering him foolish and infantilized. the best way i can describe it is that he just seems like an optimistic but ultimately ordinary guy you could meet at a grocery store line who also happens to be plagued w Unfortunately Blessed with Musical Visions by the Gods Against His Will Syndrome

amaya braganza!!!!! jesus what a vocal powerhouse. her flowers killed me. something about her vocal inflection or acting choices really made her grief over losing her life and her love so visceral. she would be right at home at the obc recording because her voice was pitch perfect. she has a terrific belt but it's during the quiet moments where she's the most effective. like at the end of all i've ever known you can really feel she's already mourning her loss before she's even lost anything which is why flowers was more heartbreaking than normal

will mann is the most intriguing part of this cast to me. hermes actors have the choice of landing on the spectrum of objective narrator to a guardian figure. will feels like the most paternal. you get the sense that not only did he observe orpheus grow up he also had an active hand in raising him. when orpheus nervously stops during epic iii will says "go on, baby" with "baby" obviously ad-libbed 😭 like yes that is his baby

my only real critique of this performance is that the show doesn't actually pick up until way down hadestown. not sure if the cast just wasn't feeling the crowd or themselves until that point (it was a sunday night so i get it). i just make note of this bc livin it up on top is this high energy number that felt strangely middle energy for some reason lol anyone who was experiencing the show for the first time and had no frame of reference wouldn't notice anything amiss but bc im abnormal and pedantic i definitely noticed

and this is by no means a critique of lana gordon's persephone whose lady of the underground is one of the top highlights of the show. she brought the roof down during "there's a crack in the wall".

which brings me to my favorite part of the show: matthew patrick quinn. i didn't think anyone could replace patrick page in my heart but i was just in love with everything matthew brought to this character. he manages to combine facets of patrick and kevyn morrow's hades that i love together. matthew has kevyn's slick charisma and anger but he has patrick's power and world-weariness. he's this incredibly tall, serpentine, and long limbed figure that towers over everyone. patrick as an intimidating and antagonistic force felt like an ancient old god who can break your house by inducing an earthquake but matthew's vibe is more like he could literally be the snake that could tempt you out of a garden of eternal paradise

he and lana are also 🔥🔥🔥 like you can simultaneously feel the millenia of history between them but they also have the chemistry of two hot people going on a date for the first time after a long period of slowburn. the resentment, the familiarity, he way he's obviously repressing his desperation to keep her and both trying to look unaffected and turning to their vices when they reject each other's touch i could absolutely scream

which is why i was sobbing by the end of epic iii. i think the catharsis was just a lot lol and they were so playful during their dance too! like actual lovers who have the most absolute fun during good times. matthew does this little wiggle for her when they're sidestepping and im 100% sure lana broke character and they both started laughing it was so sweet

anyway the fates, the ensemble, everyone was astounding and im gonna see if i can grab another cheap balcony seat before they leave in a week to see if i can catch j antonio rodriguez as orpheus

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Ooku: The Inner Chambers, Vols. 1-19 Author: Yoshinaga Fumi (mangaka), Akemi Wegmuller (translator) Genre/s: historical, alternate history Content/Trigger Warning/s: rape, attempted rape, incest, murder, poisoning, physical and emotional abuse, natural disasters, starvation, fatal illness, parental death, death of children, miscarriage, killing of pet animals Summary (from publisher's website): In Edo period Japan, a strange new disease called the Redface Pox has begun to prey on the country’s men. Within eighty years of the first outbreak, the male population has fallen by 75 percent. Women have taken on all the roles traditionally granted to men, even that of the shogun. The men, precious providers of life, are carefully protected. And the most beautiful of the men are sent to serve in the shogun’s Inner Chamber… Buy Here: https://www.viz.com/ooku-the-inner-chambers Spoiler-Free Review: It's been years since I read the first three volumes of this series, but then I found out that the first season of the animated version was on N*tfl*x so I decided to give that a shot, as well as find the rest of the series. Took me a while to get all the volumes, but once I had them all it was easy to do a speedrun, so to speak, and finish it. One of the first things I need to say about this series is that it is bittersweet. Tragedy abounds in this series, as does heartbreak, and all manner of desires and goals remain unrequited and unfulfilled. That being said, I still thought this was a great read. I can understand why some people would choose not to pick it up because of the potential triggering content, or just because they don't want to read something that'll put them through the emotional wringer (as it were), but I found that I liked how tragic this whole story was - not for tragedy's sake, but because of the characters. They're a complex lot, and not all of them are good people, but I enjoyed reading about how the choices and decisions they made affected not just themselves and those around them, but the characters who came after them - a plot that's allowed by the long scope of the manga's story (from the reign of the third Tokugawa shogun, all the way to the dawn of the Meiji period some two hundred years later). if there is any other media I could compare this to, at least on the surface, I'd say it comes pretty close to Game of Thrones - up until Season 5, since the show infamously loses the plot after that point. Fortunately this manga has a much more coherent storyline, even as it features many of the same beats such as forbidden romance and court intrigue. The alternate history aspect, wherein Japan is ruled by women instead of men, is interesting not because it drastically changes the way the world works, but because it showcases how so many things actually remain the same. Women are still people, after all, and power is still power, and people in power do things in similar ways regardless of their sex or gender, with similar outcomes both for good and for ill. Overall, this was a pretty good read, even if it was heartbreaking in a lot of places, and even if there's plenty of content that made me flinch, and which will very likely trigger other readers. If there's one thing that I found a bit off-putting about this, and which other readers might find off-putting if the trigger warnings don't, was the use of Shakespearean-style English, especially in the first half of the series. I suspect it was an attempt by the translator to mimic the more old-fashioned Japanese in use during the 1600s-1700s, but it can be rather jarring in certain scenes. One gets used to it after a while, but it can take one out of the moment sometimes. Rating: four kimono and one uchikake (4.5)

[gealach-in-a-misty-world]

Mortal mage Henley Yu has enough to worry about between the storms caused by broken magic and his strained relationship with his father. He’s trying to keep his head above water, but when he finds a stranger hiding in his kitchen cabinets he’s forced to reconsider his priorities. Chief Operator Kittinger has overseen the flow of magic for centuries, but he’s no fighter. Betrayed by his protectors in their quest to gain control of the magic, he’s running for his life when he makes Henley his accomplice. Kit might lose his new ally if Henley finds out that Kit’s secrets go deeper than the magic itself. Together they’ll venture into the Between, where magic connects worlds, to fight an army of officers ready to finish what they started when Kit fled the scene. For Kit, failure means death. For Henley, it means losing the memory of the only person who gives him purpose. Henley won’t let anyone interfere before he finds out what that means for their future together.

"Death waits for us behind and before; I choose forward."

Christina K. Glover's The Switchboard is a fast-paced urban fantasy that doesn't hold the reader's hand and plunges straight into action, depicting an alternate modern Earth where mages pull their power from a highly bureaucratic dimension without even knowing they're doing it. The two main characters, a mage and an operator, find themselves unexpected allies when a threat to the stability of that dimension promises to wipe out magic forever.

The magic system is the strongest aspect of the novel, an intriguing system based on giving up memories in order to power one's spells. The dimension, with all its differences from modern-day Earth, is described vividly, and the mechanics of the transfer of power are explained with attention to detail. Some aspects fall flat, like the actual lore of the world and the sudden deus ex machina that doesn't feel like it was properly foreshadowed. With the premise and rules as they were explained, and a heart-breaking scene towards the end, the resolution feels like a cop-out.

The characters are painted vividly; the supporting cast shines, and the two main characters at the heart of the novel are intriguing and multi-faceted. Their relationship grows organically despite the break-neck speed of the narration, which spans just a few days from the moment they meet for the first time. The way things end certainly keeps one interested in the sequel.

The Switchboard is a solid first installment of a series.

✨ 3.5 stars

[You can find more of my reviews about queer speculative fiction on my blog MISTY WORLD]

[urupotter]

I'm intrigued by your take on Lupin that he is a manipulator. Can you expand on where he is manipulative in the text?

I think this post does it about as well as it can be done tbh. It doesn't expand into his interactions with Snape, which is another area where it shines, and is more of a broader analysis of Lupins flaws than being manipulative, but it still covers it pretty well I'd say. I'm going to be expanding on some areas which the post doesn't cover, particularly given his interactions with Snape, but I recommend reading that first.

“Severus was very interested in where I went every month.” Lupin told Harry, Ron, and Hermione. “We were in the same year, you know, and we — er — didn’t like each other very much. He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James’s talent on the Quidditch field . . . anyway Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be — er — amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he’d be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it — if he’d got as far as this house, he’d have met a fully grown werewolf — but your father, who’d heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life . . . Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was. …”

This is a fascinating scene. An underrated aspect of Lupin's character is that he worships James Potter. In terms of the marauders relationship, the fandom tends to focus on James and Sirius and their friendship, and Remus and Sirius, interpreting their friendship in a romantic light. As a result the way Remus views James isn't quite appreciated, he's much less willing to admit his flaws than Sirius is for example, even though he's aware of them. Notice the way he frames Snape's hatred of James. He uses something that's semi truthful, Snape being jealous of his Quidditch talent (though even then it's more jealousy as a proxy for popularity than the skills themselves) and frames as the reason Snape hated James to make James (and the rest of the marauders by proxy) look better and Snape look worse. It's a pants on fire lie. He also discredits him by making him look unreasonable and childish in his hatred, while framing himself (and Sirius and James) as the more mature, adult ones. JKR includes a two verbal tells in his speech patterns in this scene, which I've bolded and put in italics, so that we can use them to identify another lie further on in the book.

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

“No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives.” He sighed. “That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he — er — accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast.”

“You’re not leaving just because of that!” said Harry. Lupin smiled wryly.

The same tells appear. "I think" to show a conjecture by Lupin that is upon further reflection ludicrous (Snape willing destroys his reputation a few years later by killing Dumbledore, and in general cares very little about being liked or seen as a good person, the idea that his rage is a result of losing the Order of Merlin is unlikely, and implanted by Lupin), "-er-" to either lie or understate. Snape revealing that Lupin was a werewolf by accident is ridiculous, and saying that Snape and the marauders merely disliked each other is an extreme understatement.

What's so great about these scenes is that they are extremely subtle. You can only notice the "-er" tell by rereading PoA, and it's still not at all blatant, and you can't notice the "I think" tell at all until you read OotP. They're so subtle that they utterly fool the audience, and Harry, and leave impressions that are hard to shake. It's masterful writing. Lupin is Rowling's best written character. There are more scenes than this one, but imo this is the most well executed, and I recommend that others find them on their own. Will appreciate the character more that way.

[anime-grimmy-art]

Told you guys I’d ramble in due time.

I absolutely adore Bravely Default 2. It came at a really bad time cos I can’t waste 70 hours on a jrpg, but well, it’s too late to be concerned about that now. And as is tradition with me obsessing over a new game / show / whatever, you’ll basically find a fullblown review disguised as ramblings right under the cut. Be aware that I’m gonna talk about EVERYTHING, so spoilers are a given. Some maybe even for the previous Bravely Default games.

Also, if you wanna talk about this game in any capacity, hit me up, I’m DESPERATE to talk more about it.

Just for reference on how long this is gonna be, I made a voice recording while driving to remember all the points I wanna make, and that recording is almost 2 hours long. I did cut it down but still, this is gonna be a lot.

I’ll start off with the things that actually bugged me about the game, since there are only 3 things that really bothered me. First of, I really don’t like that you can name Seth. He has too much personality to be a self insert and player integration is not that big of a part in the game that this decision can be justified. It wouldn’t bother me that much if it didn’t leave a bad mark on the ending. First of all, we were robbed of Gloria desperately shouting for Seth, which makes the impact work less, and it’s just so prevalent that the name can’t be said because you have all the normal sound design going. If they’d just let the credits still play I wouldn’t have batted an eye, but because every other sound comes in it’s so obvious they’re just silently shouting in this scene, which makes it look silly. Like I said, this decision is more a detriment than an addition, and it’s a shame it casts a shadow on an otherwise heartfelt ending.

Speaking about lost potential, the other thing that really bothers me is the lost potential in certain plot points and character conclusions. I mainly mean Adam and Edna here. Both of them have been built up to be these formidable foes but they just, die. If it was just Adam I’d be fine with it, since you expect Edna to backstab him and be the actual big bad of the story, but I cannot fathom why they dropped Edna this HARD. If not Edna herself, I don’t understand why we don’t get more of a reaction from the Fairies and especially Adelle. I mean, Edna was her sole reason she left for her journey in the first place, then Edna dies and that’s it? No part where she grieves for a second? No concern from the others about Adelle? Mind you, I haven’t finished all the Sidequests, so maybe there actually is one in which this is addressed, but I think even just a Party Chat after Bad End 1 would have been sufficient to show how Adelle suddenly feels about the loss of Edna. It would have made Bad End 2 / The Secret Ending even more impactful, because, yeah, of course, you kinda know Adelle isn’t going to turn her back on fairy kind, but one of the reasons she doesn’t leave is because if Enda didn’t get a happy ending, then she shouldn’t either. It would have been amazing foreshadowing if she showed this sentiment before this scene happened. Other than that, it’s a shame that we know so little about Edna, or rather, how she became “bad”. I get she’s supposed to be corrupted by the Night’s Nexus, but how did it even come to this? It can’t have been a gradual thing, after all, Adelle says Edna was always good natured and then just disappeared one day. Really would have loved seeing more of that plot point.

Ok, last gripe I have, some choices in the soundtrack and sound design. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the OST, and I will get to that, but damn, whatever Revo used for the lead instrument in Wiswald hurts my ears. It’s a really good track, but I always have to turn down my volume because these high pitched sounds physically hurt. And for sound design. Dude, the Night’s Nexus is the least threatening, nightmare fueled abomination that ever existed. I get that its growl is kinda supposed to be layered with Edna’s or sth, but it, it just sounds silly. If they went the route of just swinging between different voices or began distorting it from phase to phase, it would have been fine. But the choice they made really made an otherwise creepy design just absolutely silly.

Ok, enough jammering, on to the good stuff. Like I said, there’s going to be a lot, so I’ll try to be brief in each aspect.

Gameplay

I honestly like the new battle mechanics more than the old ones. This individual, turn based system feels way more dynamic and it’s easier to strategies in battles. Because nothing made me more angry than setting up for a heal and the enemy suddenly being faster than me and killing my healer. Now it’s easier to plan ahead a bit.

I also found myself experimenting more with the jobs. Not sure what it really is, but none of the party members leaning more towards certain types of jobs and the job leveling being way faster probably helped.

And I know some people get up in arms because the boss sometimes can be a real pain in the ass (looking at you pope dude), I still found it very interesting getting around counters or even using these counters as a benefit. As an example, I made Adelle my main physical fighter and gave her lots of counter abilities to help her profit from being countered by enemies themselves. Now, she can attack enemies, get countered, automatically evade that counter and earn a BP at the same time. Made a lot of boss fights way easier and fun to exploit.

Music

Ok, I will try my best to be really, really brief, because in my recording this part takes up almost 40 minutes. Anyways, Revo might have just become one of my absolute favorite composers ever. I don’t know what kind of magic he used, but I initially wasn’t that impressed with the OST, but every time I listened to it, I just fell in love harder and harder. Before getting into specifics, I wanna highlight the two things that made me love this OST overall. First of all, this soundtrack almost seems like a refinement of BD’s. While losing some of that fairytale vibe, it sounds even more fantasy now. And in contrast to the original, this almost sounds more balanced? Like, BD’s OST felt high energy throughout, BD2’s on the other hand manages to find a good balance between high and low energy pieces. Like, the character themes or battle themes are absolute hype, but the overworld themes are a lot calmer and easier to listen to while exploring. Second big point that makes this soundtrack amazing is that Revo is an absolute god at using emotional progression/storytelling and leitmotifs in his songs. And heck, do I love myself my leitmotifs. You’ve got some obvious ones, like the final battle theme in which all the character themes and other leitmotifs are integrated. Then you got some maybe more subtle once, just like how the overworld themes are just the main theme, just a lot calmer and using the lead instruments of the towns of the areas.

But my absolute favourites gotta be the character themes and the main theme. I love how fitting the themes for the characters are and in general, each of them is such a bop. At first I prefered Elvis’, because I sure am a sucker for jazzy vibes, but over time Adelle’s became my fav. It’s just something about the trumpets, and how the theme almost sounds a bit melancholic and bittersweet, that drew me in. And considering her story, mostly her bad end, that the bittersweet tone really fits.

Then there’s the main theme. Just like BD’s it shouts “triumphant anthem” and it definitely gives you a very familiar vibe, but I’d argue it has even better emotional progression. Heck, the first time I heard the music start up in the reveal trailer, I didn’t have to look at the screen to know this is gonna be a BD game. Also, the credit song version had me weeping at the true end. I’m someone who’s very easily affected by music (if me shouting about soundtracks on this blog wasn’t proof enough) and just hearing that ending song, getting the after credits scene, just for the second credits to start as a freaking duet. Dude, at that point I just started sobbing, I’m not gonna lie. Just this little part showed how much Revo knows how to put emotion in a song and also write it in such a way that he can elicit strong, emotional reactions from you too. 

Story

People have been complaining how the story is too boring and kinda disappointing in comparison to the last one, but I just think the games tried to accomplish different things here. Since the BD series is a celebration of old, classic jrpgs, “cliche” storytelling is a given. Though, BD did throw a lot of meta stuff in there too. BD2 in contrast just feels like a direct execution of that initial idea. It feels familiar, it feels comfy and it feels safe. Except for the little things with the endings and then overwriting the Nexus’ “save file”, BD2 doesn’t really get that meta, which is totally fine. It doesn’t try to reinvent or innovate anything, it just wants to be a fantasy story, that might be cliche, but still fun and enjoyable in its own right.

I’d also argue that the pacing is a lot better than the old game, because with BD I sometimes found myself skipping through scenes to get on with the story. Not that this game didn’t have me rushing through stuff as well, but I found it kept my intrigue way better than the original.

Characters

Next to the music, this is the part that I absolutely love the most. While, yes, they did lose a lot of potential with some characters, mostly with the villains, the main cast is just so much fun. I love these 4 dorks so, so much.

I honestly can’t stand how much people compare them to the original cast. Yes, ofc, I’ve been doing my fair share of comparisons too, but calling these four a more boring version of BD’s party physically hurts me. Because except for some initial impressions, the Heroes of Light are completely different from our beloved Warriors of Light.

While yes, Seth and Gloria give off strong Tiz and Agnes vibes at first, they both grow into such different characters that they’re not really comparable. I think this shows with Adelle and Elvis even more. I do understand how people could compare Adelle and Edea, since they’re both the feisty girl type, but I can’t understand how people can see Ringabel and Elvis as the same character type. While those two are the “suave” party members, they act so differently from another. And that’s honestly apparent the first time you meet them. 

Anyways, I love these 4 so much.

We technically don’t know a lot about Seth at all, but they manage to pull so much out of just the fact that he’s a sailor, that it makes him really endearing, really fast.

I was kinda disinterested with Gloria at first, because again, the initial impression was Agnés2.0, but she grew on me a lot. Gloria is way more hard headed and honestly sassy in comparison to Agnés and I absolutely adore it.

Elvis. Elvis, my man. I love this fantasy scottosh wizard so, so much. He’s such a ridiculous character but so endearing at the same time. You got all this dorkiness, with him setting himself on fire as a student, him doing god knows what for a good drink or just laughing danger and prejudice in the face. But then you got his super empathetic and caring side. Mind you, most of his wise moments come from quoting Lady Emma, but still, as much as he’s hopeless with certain social situations, he’s actually still really good at reading the room and playing things smart. He’s a smart and powerful idiot, which makes him a danger to everyone and himself, and I love him for it. (I also can’t believe they called him Lesley I MEAN COME ON)

And then there’s Adelle. I liked her from the start, but I didn’t think she would stick out to me. I think now she’s my favourite character. Not even talking about all the stuff that happens in chapter 3 and onward, because these story threads are awesome in their own right, but there’s just something about her personality that’s interesting and appealing to me. Like I said, I’m not surprised people compare her to Edea, I did too at first, but while Edea walks very close to the line of a Tsundere, I was really surprised that Adelle is, well, not a Tsundere at all. Yeah, of course she’s putting Elvis down a lot, but that stems more from her preventing his ego from going to his head than her being all embarrassed. No, Adelle is actually really well adjusted when it comes to communication. While it’s hilarious that she and Elvis met with her chucking her shoes at him, the two just got along well right from the start. Adelle in general has this really open and helpful personality, but also doesn’t shy away from putting her foot down, even if that sometimes comes out as an embarrassed sputter. She’s also the mother hen of the group. She looks out for the other three and gets concerned about them real fast. 

I dunno, Adelle just really grew on me over the course of this game, and then her kinda being paired with Elvis too, as partners and as partners, makes me like her even more. Because as much as I like their personalities individually, I like their character dynamic even more. I honestly love the relationships between all four of them a lot. You really feel them grow closer as friends and all the little character sidequests just always made me really happy.

Conclusion

You might not believe me, but I really held back there. This could probably have been 3 times its length. As much as I love this game, it’s of course not perfect. It struggles and flails in some parts a lot and it certainly has some aspects that might turn people off. But for me, it was just a very familiar and comfy game that didn’t necessarily deliver anything new, but that told its story in such a way that it still got me excited to keep going. The soundtrack is absolutely amazing and the conclusion of the story actually got me to cry. While not groundbreaking, this game is highly enjoyable and leaves you absolutely satisfied at the end.

Also, I would like to iterate that I am desperate to get more content about this game, so if you wanna chat about it, hit me up.

Anyways, anyone else felt like having a fever dream when everybody in chapter 2 started talking fantasy scottish? Cos I sure did.

[lizardboy66]

bad buddy ep 1 ramble

ok so I absolutely adore p’aof and all of his projects and expected nothing less than smth incredible from this show. the premise was strong from the start and the first episode just solidified the level of care that went into this show. ok things I’m enjoying so fart

1) I cannot stress enough how much I love the format of the show. it has taken the classic uni/engineering BL style and has subverted it in a way that doesn’t need to be intentional - by making it unapologetically itself and also very deliberate and well made. The editing is far more ambitious than pretty much any BL I’ve seen and it adds so much comedy and enjoyment to the viewing experience. While Voiceover and dialogue still play a huge part in communicating the story, the camera work, the sets, the costumes, the sound and the colours all add a more impressive and high quality dimension to the show. It’s made with such respect for its roots but is also made to be innovative and different from its predecessors.

2) the intro is just wonderful. It lays out the characters so well, it has such distinct personality which matches the show and the intro music is upbeat and organic with the visuals. Simple, but full of colour and intrigue. Perfect.

3)pat and pran. both of them feel like real people!! they r such good stand alone characters which is so important in a character driven romance plot. their motivations and intentions were so clear and consistent to their personalities. their dynamic was full of warmth and the air of excitement that comes with young love and developing a crush on someone. all of their scenes together highlighted the wonderful chemistry the actors had as well as just showing their cautious yet familiar dynamic.

4)the rivalry. Romeo and Juliet is a classic and lifting the concept of rival families and friendship circles is such a good way to start building the world your characters live in. It puts them on an equal footing from the beginning and creates the sense of something well understood but unspoken between them and I fucking love it.

5)supporting cast. the sister is wonderful. she is probably going to act as a voice of reason and sense of stability for pat and he deserves that. all of their friends seem wildly supportive and generally like a solid addition to their worlds, as well as a different perspective on the events that are going to unfold. I have a feeling the families are going to play a major part in the drama of the show and I think that’s a marvellous choice, there are already some clear dynamics forming with a favoured parent and the different family dynamics that the two leads have.

6)budding (haha get it) romance. oh it’s STRONG. they already have such a good rappor, and the romance aspect is so well integrated into their friendship that it isn’t going to be hard to make that switch in the future. I already talked about the warmth of their scenes together but I would like to once again discuss the unspoken nature of the joy they feel when they get to spend time together and be close to each other. they are clearly a great team with similar mind sets who have the ability to communicate their boundaries and not lose themselves in the desire to change to fit with their significant other. also pat’s sister having some awareness of pat’s feelings for pran is such a good choice and draws attention to the fact that pat has been queer this whole time and that is an integral part of how he navigates his life. his feelings for pran are clearly a source of pain and confusion of him, whereas pran’s feelings aren’t as clearly defined yet but still feel as intense and central to the way he conducts himself as pat’s feelings are.

my predictions:

-pran’s mum is going to be a pain in everybody’s ass

-pat either is already out as gay or has come out to himself and not told anyone yet

-if we get a coming out story it’s going to be pran’s coming out

-the idea of time and the presence of clocks is going to be a constant theme in the show

-I’m banking on at least one friend b romance plot

-this show is gonna Hurt

[thespoonisvictory]

Please explain why Schlatt is the best character on the SMP.

(Alternatively, I would be really interested in hearing more about your dislike for Quackity's produced lore. Personally, I love it, so I'm really intrigued whenever someone says that they're not fond of it).

as much as I love schlatt, I think I'll answer the quackity question, because I've been meaning to.

first of all, I think I should clarify that I'm definitely biased, because my favorite streamers, outside of the dsmp universe, tend towards semi lore, or, at least, not whatever quackity's doing. I'm used to it, and people tend to not like change lol.

second of all, I really do like quackity's produced lore, but I don't like certain aspects of it, and find myself preferring semi lore in general. I don't think he should stop doing it so much as I think he should use it as an occasional technique rather than conveying near 100% of his story with it. big q is very talented and I commend him for taking such a bold approach, which I think pays off in some ways.

third, to me, semi lore is any lore that breaks the fourth wall in that it isn't trying to be something other than a minecraft stream, it's all in first person, and none of it is prerecorded. for example: most of wilbur's pogtopia streams are semi (or casual) lore to me, because he'll thank subs and joke with schlatt about getting techno a girlfriend, but it's still largely in canon.

anyway, in true jenny nicholson fashion, let's kick off with a numbered list.

1. this post, by patches, explains a bit of why the lore streams can get a bit disconcerting to me. the dsmp have always had a bit of charming awkwardness in their improv, because these are for the most part just Some Guys acting, and under the guise of a stream where it's just a Streamer Playing Minecraft, it fits. but the highly produced nature just- creates such a disparity between the quality of the cinematography and the acting that it's a little weird, y'know?

2. in some cases, semi lore allows for dread to be built in a unique way. during the exile arc, tommy would have lighthearted streamer jokes and bits, shout out subs, pretend like things were normal. he never acknowledges that his situation is messed up, that his condition is getting worse, that things are falling apart. it's a quiet, sinking, horror that creeps along over the course of weeks. it's important to the viewer that we are there every day to see the slow progress, to understand why tommy gets pushed so far down. besides the impracticality of 14 highly produced lore streams, you would lose a lot of the subtlety there.

the smp is such a unique medium in that the stream style itself is so telling. when tommy actively doesn't acknowledge what's happening, it makes the abuse that's occurring seem so much worse. when wilbur drops little hits about his depression or his plans in between lighthearted, ooc jokes, it lulls the audience into a false sense of security.

imagine a version of the 'forming las nevadas' story where quackity does it over the course of four nights. the slow realization of his manipulation tactics disguised by an unassuming stream format, because it's still quackity, joking around and laughing until he approaches the next person and he shifts into his 'persona'. when he finishes the conversation, we watch his face fall, his smile fade, as he walks back to an empty las nevadas. it would build hype, not to mention taking less work, and letting the audience see a bit more of quackity's humanity.

3. I mentioned it before, but it just straight up takes less time. I'm willing to wait, of course, but there's something to be said about the merits of pacing and being able to throw together a lore stream last minute. take, for example, tommy's death. it wouldn't have been nearly as impactful without the rushed, oddly somber flurry of livestreams that came after. jack didn't need a highly produced montage of him standing by tommy's grave as the seasons passed, of his planting flowers everyday. what turned out to be effective was just- him, walking around, coming to terms with his grief, completely silent for periods of time.

it was mourning. plain and simple, with no embellishment or evil villain music, shockingly earnest.

I don't think you could replicate that raw, undone feeling with a prerecorded, pre-produced, semi-movie. it feels like all of a sudden jack's pov was important enough that he had to stream, and there it was.

you could argue that this could be planned beforehand, but I think more often than not, that's a. not really feasible, and b. going to take away from the organic nature.

we all like candid shots, 'authentic' vlogs and influencers. to me, this is just one more extension of that rule.

4. under the same idea, you can make more. we spend more time with the streamers, and therefore the characters, and get to know their more human side. wilbur, for example, is deeply humanized by little things that you just couldn't really fit into a lore stream: his dynamic with niki, all his little moments of hesitation, his banter with tommy and his true love for l'manburg. who c!wilbur is is built up over hours and hours of comments and suggestions and one-off statements, and we just don't have time for that in quackity's lore. the transitions are snappy, filled with beautiful shots, but they don't allow for as much depth of character as that awkward little walk from place to place, that quiet monologue they do to themselves.

it's not impossible for you to do that, as with c!quackity and c!charlie serving as a 'morality pet', but at this risk of repeating myself endlessly, it's more earnest and organic in a sense.

5. last, I just really like multiple povs. one of my favorite bits from s1 is the fundy spy arc, because of how effectively multiple povs are used. streams where wilbur is deeply, deeply distraught over fundy's betrayal but thinks fundy doesn't care, while fundy is deeply, deeply distraught over wilbur's prior treatment of him but thinks he doesn't care. and you could watch both at the same time! quackity's pov isn't as personal when it uses third person, which is a bit sad because I think it's a unique aspect of livestreaming every perspective.

(I'm so sorry if this isn't coherent or makes any sense I'm very brain dead and tired from speedrunning three essays yesterday)

basically, I think quackity's lore style is good for big, grand events, occasionally. it's very cool to watch, definitely builds hype, and can make certain things easier, such as coordinating a bunch of people or doing special effects.

but for building a plot and establishing character dynamics, I really prefer semi/casual lore.

[tobeornottotc]

COLOR RUSH EP 1 AND 2- OBSERVATIONS AND COMMENTS

Wow Wow Wow. The thrill and pleasure, I have just received from watching Color Rush episode 1 and 2, whilst learning about this new trope with the color verse world that I've never heard of before. It is intriguing to see a soulmate au done this way, it's cute, you're meant to be excited and soft when they meet, it's meant to be happiness and love and longing. But what we get with the Korean Bl Color Rush is far from that, there's angst, drama, fear and exhilaration from the idea that our couple might be a danger to each other instead of actually saving each other.

With hints to themes of losing control like madness and obsession and the psychological toll being a mono ( having neurological colour blindness and has dampened emotions). First of all, there are clues of books laid around like the one a side character was reading Macbeth. That's a worrying hint to what this show is exploring. It's going to show the frightening aspect of a mono's dependence on their probe to see colour, the addicting, obsessive, hunger once they have a colour rush.

It's dangerous especially with how Yeon Woo explains it, people have killed for this feeling, people have chosen to break the law, and people have died to prevent themselves from doing something awful to their probes. It's beautiful to see Yeon Woo meet his person, but it's scary to think that it's going to cause him to spiral and lose himself even more. Something he's trying so hard to avoid.  This connection whilst fated is not a glamorous one, it's shockingly filled with angst and disturbances, but it's brilliant, and it's keeping me on my toes.

In episode 2, we see another hint to this dangerous connection forming the praying mantis;  how a female survives by eating the head of her male lover after they get together. It's obviously another resemblance to our soulmate connection's theme and reality. What do we do when we're falling for a couple that may very well need to be separated for both to stay mentally sane and rational? We see the effects on Yeon Woo again, like hit after hit of a drug he's started to demand and lose his temper because of his fear of losing the feeling when he sees colours because of Han.

It's just brilliant, Korea has done it again they've chosen an ambitious plot, and they've taken BLs to a new level. The issue? This should be like every other Kdrama and have one-hour episodes and it breaks my heart that it's 15 minutes and only 8 episodes. But for now, the 15 minutes don't feel like a disadvantage. Still, I can't help but moan about the fact that this could be one of the best deep, angsty, emotional bl dramas if given more time to shine and work on its plot. Then again, sometimes having long runtimes can make a show laggier and include extra scenes that aren't needed. We'll see how that turns out with this drama. With Korean Bls though, it's been the latter; we want more minutes, we want more episodes, we want more of this because it's terrific to see honestly.

It's not just the unique soulmate AU, Color Rush seems to have. It has a plot hinting to the mystery about missing people, including our main character's mum who's been missing for quite a while. Also, she's not the only one; many Monos are going missing. This is intriguing, who's targeting these monos a probe bent on revenge? Another mono who's gone crazy and wants everyone to be unhappy because they didn't find their probe? What could it possibly be? Or did they all just run away because they knew they were being taken down into a darker hole because of their need to depend on their probe no matter how hard they try to prevent it? Are they being experimented on by some weird company?

I'm so interested and ready to see where this show takes us. I rarely write so much for the first episode of a drama, but this BL is already screaming meta, depth, love and angst that can be broken down and looked into. I'm so excited, and I cannot wait to go on this journey and watch this story get stronger and stronger. Thank you Korea for always choosing ambitious exciting and unique plots, this is why we need more Bls in Korea, we need this, we need to see this more, we need to know these storylines more, and we don't want it to stop. Just get better and better each year. Color Rush is a fantastic beginning to 2021. And I can't wait to see where it takes us.

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 51-56

This is the “Seras Coming of Age” part of Hellsing, but the chapters are all one-off titles: “Last Mission”, “Get Away”, “Yaksa”, “The Man I Love”, “Ogre Battle”, and “Angelous,”

Last time, Zorin Blitz’s company invaded the Hellsing HQ, and Seras managed to kill them all except for Zorin herself, and then she used her psychic whammy, forcing Seras to relive some traumatic moment.   We saw one of the Wild Geese get this same treatment, and he briefly saw his dead daughter before Zorin killed him.  As for Seras, she relives the deaths of her parents.   Years ago, two guys barged into their home and shot them.   The circumstances aren’t entirely clear, but they must have had some forewarning, since Seras’ mom hid her in a closet and told her not to come out no matter what.   But when she saw what they did to them, Seras became so enraged that she attackedthe men and stabbed one in the eye with a fork.  

The other guy shot Seras, and while she must have survived, she remembers laying on the floor as the guy she stabbed decides to rape her mother.   I’m not even sure “rape” is the right word, since she was already dead, but the guy doesn’t care because the body is “still warm.”   You’d think he’d be too upset about losing an eye, but maybe he’s high on cocaine or something.

I don’t think you need me to tell you this, gentle reader, but hol-ee shit this dark.   We knew Seras’ parents died when she was young, and it wouldn’t be hard to speculate that they died in some violent crime, but Seras watched it happen, and she stabbed a dude in the face, only to get shot herself, and she watched her mother’s body getting molested before she passed out.  

And this gives us some insight into what Alucard saw in her that night in Cheddar.  There, Seras was surrounded by ghouls, many of them her comrades in the police department, and a vampire who promised to rape her before drinking her blood.   Alucard found it remarkable how she persevered in this horror, but now we see that may not even be the worst thing that ever happened to her.  It’s not even the first time she got shot!  

And from the earlier flashback we saw, Seras was hellbound to become a police officer like her father.  After a trauma like this, it’s amazing that she’d want anything to do with the police, since those men killed her father for digging “too deep” into whatever they were involved in.  But Seras quietly, defiantly chose to follow in her father’s footsteps, only to suffer a similar fate. 

Because, let’s not forget, Seras is dead.   She died in Cheddar, because Alucard had to shoot through her to kill the vampire who had taken her hostage.   Then she agreed to become a vampire like him, and join the Hellsing Organization.   Once more, she has quietly, defiantly, chosen to carry on in this life of public service.  

But none of that matters to Zorin Blitz.   She just wanted to dredge up all this trauma to keep Seras preoccupied long enough for Zorin to do this...

Oh, also she lopped off Seras’ left arm, but I liked this impalement panel better. 

On top of that, Zorin slashes Seras’ eyes, which was pretty gruesome and shocking.   When I started watching the Hellsing Ultimate OVA, I couldn’t wait to see what happened next, so I trawled YouTube for clips of Seras, so I had a pretty good idea where the character was headed, and noticed that late-story Seras was missing a left arm.   So Zorin cutting it off didn’t surprise me much, but everything else she did to her was a surprise.

Then, just as Zorin seems to be ready to finish Seras off, Pip Bernadotte gets the drop on her and whacks her with the butt of his rifle.    Machine gun?   Semiautomatic?   I don’t know from guns.    He hits her with it, is my point.   Then he shoots her with a different gun to put the exclamation point on it.

There’s two other guys left in the Wild Geese, and they toss smoke grenades to cover Pip as he tries to carry Seras to safety, but he’s wounded, and then a Millennium soldier wakes up and shoots him in the thighs.   Was that guy playing possum?  The Geese take him out, and Pip even makes it back to them, but I’m not sure what good that does anybody.   Then Zorin gets back up and cuts him down with her scythe.    I don’t think she chops him in half or anything, but he’s not getting back up again, that’s for sure. 

Seras calls out to him, and he steals another kiss.   I guess he forgot about the last time, because he acts like he “finally” managed to do this.   Then he asks Seras to drink his blood, which will allow her to win.   I guess someone must have explained enough vampire lore to Pip for him to have figured this out.    Maybe Seras herself told him how it worked, which makes it doubly-meaningful for him to say this to her now.  

And Seras starts wailing with grief, before Zorin finally mocks her for it, calling Pip an insect.   I’ve seen a few people poke fun at this scene, because it’s kind of weird for Zorin to just stand by while Pip and Seras have this final moment together, but Zorin’s a sadist.   Much of what she’s done in these past several chapters has been about reveling in her enemies’ suffering.    She took her sweet time with Seras earlier, which was the only reason Pip managed to help her, and now she’s taking her sweet time again, like she’s enjoying this drama. 

So Zorin uses her psychic whammy again, but this time it doesn’t work on Seras.   Maybe because Seras is already in the middle of a terrible trauma in the here and now.   She couldn’t do anything to avenge her parents back then, and she was powerless against the Cheddar Priest, but this time?   This time she knows exactly what to do.

VENIT AEVUS ILLE, O MESSIAH, O MESSIAH

YUDULIYA-VELE YUDULIYA-VELE

EN ESE MOMENTO ZORIN BLITZ SINTIO EL VERDADERO TERROR.

So yeah, this rocks.    The anime version does this cool thing where all the blood soaks up into her clothes and stains them red.   Maybe the manga was going for the same thing, but it’s harder to tell in black and white.   I find it kind of strange how Seras’ eyes grow back, but her left arm does not.    I’m pretty sure she could reform her arm, but chooses not to.   Instead, she’s got this black ectoplasm-y thing, like the same black stuff that Alucard uses when he’s not holding back as much.

Then Seras starts slaughtering Zorin’s men.   Didn’t she already kill them all?  Yeah, but there’s more.   The anime tries to cover for this by having Zorin explain that some “late arrivals” showed up.  Well, they did have to enter the building single file to get past the mines, so it makes sense that Zorin would keep some in reserve in case there were more traps inside. 

Seras is my favorite character in this whole thing, and since these pages of her kickin’ ass speak for themselves, I guess I’ll talk about why I like her so much.    I’m pretty sure I saw a cosplay photo of her on tumblr, and I found the design intriguing.   She’s a vampire, but dressed in something like a military uniform, kind of like the “Bridge Bunnies” in Macross. I looked up Seras to find out what she was from, and I was like “Oh, Hellsing was the show Team Four Star has been abridging, I guess I need to watch that anyway so I can watch the Abridged version and get the jokes.”

Mostly, I just like the idea of a vampire with a very professional mentality, as opposed to the whole Lost Boys/What We Do in the Shadows/Buffy kind of aesthetic.    Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we see that sort of thing all the time.   I’ve also seen a lot of “reluctant” vampires in my time.    Vampires who try to avoid doing any vampire stuff, or going about their business like the vampirism is just this inconvenient obstacle.   Hellsing presents this other option, where vampires like Alucard are used for the purpose of anti-vampire countermeasures.   He’s been turned into a weapon, but he’s basically just Dracula with a fresh coat of paint.   Seras is more firmly rooted in the concept.  Alucard was a vampire who became a sort of cop, and Seras is a cop who became a vampire. 

And while I liked the idea of Seras being like “Oh, well I didn’t want to be a vampire but I’ll try to make the best of it”, I quickly found out that she wasn’t just a cop with pointy teeth.   There’s moments where she can be scary and creepy too.   “Sir, yes sir, my Master.”  It sums her up very neatly.   This is a vampire who can be polite and respectful and professional, but she can also get very deep into the more horrific aspects of this thing.   She’s got layers.  Zorin Blitz tried to peel them back, and look how that’s working out for her.

Once the rank and file goons are dealt with, Seras goes after Blitz, and just wrecks her shit.   Blitz tries to punch Seras in the face and it does nothing.   Seras just bites all her fingers off and spits ‘em out.   Then she announces that she refuses to drink Zorin’s blood, not a single drop. This is important, because Seras was always reluctant to drink blood.  She said she feared that drinking blood would mean the end of something inside of her, but now she’s crossed that Rubicon.   One might suspect that she’d suddenly want to drink more blood, but no.  She drank Pip’s as a means to an end.   Zorin’s blood would serve no higher purpose, and I think there’s an implication that she doesn’t want to dishonor Pip’s sacrifice.  Desperate, Zorin tries to use her power on Seras a third time, and then this happens:

  Okay, so at first Zorin sees Seras’ memories, like before, but now there’s all this stuff from Pip’s memories, and then Warrant Officer Shrodinger, of all people, shows up.   Zorin is confused by this, but he explains that he’s “everywhere and nowhere,” which means he can appear in this psychic vision just as easily as he can teleport between Brazil and England.

Schrodinger is here to pass along a message from the Major.  See, Zorin disobeyed his orders, and he would normally punish her for this, but he and the Doctor are busy with a “most interesting toy”, so they’ll just leave it to Seras to take care of punishing Zorin.  

Yesterday, I think I figured out what Zorin’s disobedience was.    Before I was confused because she didn’t start attacking until Seras opened fire on her blimp, and that only happened because Seras was shooting at the rockets fired by the Major.   Everything that Zorin did afterwards could be considered a matter of self-defense, but therein lies the problem.    Namely, what was Zorin’s blimp doing in the line of fire to begin with?  

Because once Seras shot her down, everything Zorin did next was sort of her only option.   She pretty much had to attack the mansion, and brave its defenses, whatever those happened to be.   And the Major knew that this was a big unknown.   He warned Zorin about Seras Victoria and while he didn’t seem to know exactly what her abilities were, he regarded her as an “arch-enemy” on the same level as Alucard.  That’s why he wanted Zorin to hold off and wait for the rocket attack.   It was intended to probe the mansion’s defenses, and once it became clear that they had anti-aircraft guns, and that Seras was eagle-eyed enough to shoot down their rockets, then the Major could have ordered Zorin to find a different way.   

But instead she was too close and gave Seras a target, which precipitated everything else, up to and including this:

Yeah, Seras just drags Zorin across the walls until her whole head smears apart.   Cool!

With Zorin dead, Seras delcares her intention to take the fight to the enemy, and the last three Wild Geese salute her before she leaves.   One way or another, they realize that Pip has become a part of Seras now, and they pay their last respects to him through her. 

Then Seras flies toward London, using her left arm-thing to make cool bat wings.    And this is a good illustration of what Seras is all about.  Once, she might have been horrified at the thought of doing something like this, but now she sees it as a way to carry on with her duty.    This was what Alucard had been trying to get her to understand, but sometimes you just have to work these things out in your own way.   Seras is about utility, and now that she has a use for these vampiric powers, she’s finally prepared to embrace them as her own.

In London, Schrodinger reports back to the Major and informs him of Zorin Blitz’s death.  He’s not surprised, and even declares “our ruin has begun”.   Schrodinger points out that he’s leading everyone, friend and foe alike, into destruction, and the Major simply observes that this is war.   Millennium didn’t come to London to win, they came to London to fight.

Then the Ninth Crusade shows up.  Recall that, earlier, Enrico Maxwell organized a military response to deal with the Millennium invasion of London, but he hasn’t come here to save the civilian population.   Instead, he’s treating them as enemies, just like the Nazi vampires.    Somehow, there’s still living people in the city, and as dawn approaches, they see Maxwell’s helicopters putting off some sort of light show.  I don’t know what you call this, but the people on the ground think it’s angels, and then Maxwell orders his men to open fire.

I want to point out that the newly promoted Archbishop Maxwell is riding into this battle in a special truck with a glass box for him to sit in.   He’s surrounded by microphones so he can address his troops and the people below.   Also the truck is hanging from a helicopter.   It’s stupid and pointless and over-the-top, so naturally the Major is highly impressed with Maxwell’s style. 

[fanmoose12]

Levi just couldn’t believe it.

He couldn’t believe that his ship – a legendary Wings of Freedom, the pride of the British armada – was ambushed. He couldn’t believe that he – an experienced captain and famed veteran – along with his crew of the most skilled soldiers in the whole sea force was captured.

By fucking pirates. Stinking, dirty pirates.

Levi was enraged, he was humiliated, and most of all, he was confused.

How those fuckers managed to approach their ship undetected? How did they get on it unnoticed? And how could that woman, their captain, get inside his private chambers?

Levi was an extremely light sleeper. Years in army and, before that, years of living on the street had taught him that it was an essential skill. The smallest of noise, the quietest creak could wake him up.

But somehow this woman managed to open the door, walk inside his room and stand directly above him, as he kept peacefully slumbering. Only when she pressed a cold dagger to his throat, only then Levi woke up.

And as he opened his eyes, he was met with a face of a woman he had never seen before. She was wearing round glasses and her left eye was covered by a black patch. Her hair was haphazardly put up in a ponytail. Her lips were curved in a wide, almost crazy grin.

“Hi,” she whispered to him, pressing her dagger tighter to his skin. Her voice was soft as honey. “I really don’t want to hurt you, and I’m sure you don’t want me to hurt you. So let’s cooperate, alright?”

Levi bared his teeth at her. Like hell he would cooperate with someone like her. There was a dagger hidden underneath his pillow. He started to slowly move his hand, if he could just reach it—

The woman grabbed his hand, before it touched the handle.

“Ah, ah,” she shook her head. “Don’t move.”

She held his arm firmly, she was evidently strong. But not stronger than Levi. He could overpower her, he was sure of it.

“I wouldn’t do it, if I were you,” the woman said, seeing through his intensions. “Even if you can win a fight with me,” If? Who did she think he was? “My people are standing outside, and all of your people were already dealt with.”

Levi tensed, all blood leaving his face. Was his crew—?

“They are alive,” the woman assured him. Her gaze turned surprisingly soft. “And unharmed. And if you promise to cooperate, they will be safe.”

“And why should I trust you?”

“I am an honest person.”

“Pirates don’t know what honor is.”

“Then you’re in luck,” she laughed. “After all, I’m only a part-time pirate!”

 ***

Hange Zoe – a part-time pirate and a full-time explorer of distant lands.

That’s how she described herself to Levi. The name, the name sounded so familiar, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember, where he had heard it.

Levi glared at her furiously, as she walked around the deck, talking about herself, her crew and what they were intending to do to their ship. Levi didn’t really listen, he was too busy, thinking of the best way to murder her. He could shoot her, or run her through with his sword, or, maybe, he could throw her off the ship and watch her slowly drown. He also could capture her and take her back to England. He wasn’t a fun of executions, but he would happily attend Hange Zoe’s hanging.

But first, he needed to free himself from the ropes that bound his legs and arms together. Levi was actually impressed – those pirates certainly knew how to tie up a person, he couldn’t move an inch. They probably had a lot of experience. He glanced to his right, checking on Mikasa, his second in command. She looked just as furious as he did. So, she couldn’t free herself either. Levi turned to his other crew members – Armin, Eren, Jean, Connie and Sasha – all of them looked as helpless as Levi himself felt.

Shit.

Levi turned his attention back on Hange. She was looking right at him.

“I asked where you are heading,” she crouched next to Levi. “So?”

He stared at her, letting her see all of his fury. If she was actually expecting an answer from him, she was going to be very disappointed.

Hange waited for a moment, smiling expectantly. When Levi continued to silently glare at her, she huffed and turned to the person next to him.

“You,” she pointed at Armin. The boy immediately tensed. “Where are you going?”

“Um…” Armin’s eyes darted to Levi, as sweat started to drip down his face.

“C’mon,” Hange’s smile grew wider. “Just tell me.”

“We are… going to Port Royal,” he finally whispered.

“See? It wasn’t so hard.”

Her voice was so gentle and her eyes were so soft, and it all looked so genuine, Levi felt sick. What a vile, vile woman.

“Well, you’ve heard him,” Hange got to her feet and turned around, addressing the three of her crewmen. “Moblit, set course to Port Royal. Nifa, go and help him. Abel and Keiji, stay with me.”

Once she was done with giving out orders, Hange turned back to Levi. She put hands on her hips, staring at him intently. She didn’t say a word for a very long time, continuing to watch him.

“You’ve said that pirates don’t have honor,” she said finally. “Members of the navy do?”

“Of course, we do!” Eren, another member of his crew, shouted.

Hange turned to look at the boy, her lips twitching in an attempt to hide a smile. However, when her eyes returned to Levi, all signs of amusement were gone. She gazed at him, grave and serious. “Can you guarantee that?”

“I can,” Levi nodded.

“Alright,” she sighed. “I’m going to release you then. You can walk around the ship freely, doing whatever you want. We will get you to Port Royal safely. We won’t harm you, if you promise to cooperate.”

“You won’t kill us?” Levi asked slowly. “What do you want from us then?”

“I just want your ship,” she answered simply. “And I don’t want to hurt you. If you give us your ship, no one will be hurt. That I swear to you.”

“And what if I won’t agree? What if we start fighting the moment you free us?”

“I could have killed you. I still can. But I don’t want to. If you’re as honest man as you claim, you will respect that. And honor our treaty.”

It was stupid. Foolish, reckless, senseless. Pirates can’t be trusted, they’re murderers and thieves. But something told him that this woman was different, that Hange Zoe, a part-time pirate and full-time explorer, would keep her word.

And Levi, once he gave his word, always kept it.

“I agree to your terms. I promise not to hurt you, or your men. Once we get to the shore, you will get your ship.”

Hange smiled, bright and happy. “And you will get your freedom.”

***

Sharing a ship with pirates was surprisingly… easy.

Hange and her trusty crew were nothing like the pirates Levi had previously encountered. They weren’t violent or greedy, and they didn’t spend their days drinking and cracking vulgar jokes. They were actually… quite pleasant and obviously intelligent bunch. Those words, of course, didn’t apply to their captain. No, Hange was different, she got on Levi’s nerves so frequently, he felt like he was slowly losing his sanity.

She was loud, brash and bold. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, and she didn’t stop to think about her choice of words, always spurting out the weirdest, most inappropriate shit. Hange was absolutely infuriating, impossible in every way. And it angered Levi, made him fucking furious and just realizing it was painful, but she intrigued him. He was captivated by her unusual persona, by different, and often clashing, parts of her character.

And he wasn’t the only one.

Levi’s whole crew liked Hange. Armin and Eren were fascinated by her stories about distant lands, Jean enjoying listening about different cultures she studied, Sasha and Connie were stuffing themselves with exotic food she found during her travels. Even Mikasa, who, at first, acted hostile towards her, started admiring her, when Hange showed her the collection of bizarre weapons, which she accumulated over the years of exploring the many realms and continents.

All of them were in fucking awe of Hange, and Levi suspected that even if he decided to break his promise and kill Hange to save their ship, he would have a really hard time convincing his subordinates to go with his plan.

Luckily, Levi had no intention of going back on his word. As long as Hange was keeping her end of the bargain, of course.

The more Levi watched her, the more it seemed like his first impression of her was wrong. Hange didn’t look like the cruel, violent woman Levi thought she was. On the contrary, she seemed kind and even gentle. She fiercely cared about her own crewmembers and she treated Levi’s crew with warmth and good-naturedness.

All in all, Hange appeared to be a good, honest person. At least, that’s what Levi wanted to believe.      

  ***

Another thing about Hange that frustrated Levi so much was her name. It still eluded him. He was sure, absolutely adamant that he had heard it before, but he just couldn’t remember where. He even asked Armin to look into this, but as for now, the boy didn’t give him any real answer.

So all he could do now was to continue watching her from afar, hoping that with time he would be able to solve this mystery.

  ***

There were many aspects of Hange that surprised and bewildered Levi. But the most amazing part of her was how skillful she was. She was a great and evidently experienced captain, passionate and knowledgeable explorer, who knew a whole myriad of different languages and culture customs. And she was also a very good fighter. Whatever weapon she used – sword, musket, crossbow, spear or axe (Levi especially enjoyed watching her wield that for the reasons he didn’t want to think about) – she was always deadly efficient with it.

In her spare time, Hange helped Mikasa train and, from time to time, she also agreed to duel with some of Levi’s subordinates. Eren and Jean were the ones who liked to challenge Hange the most, even though they always lost to her.

Naturally, it hurt some parts of Levi’s pride. He was the one, who trained those idiots. And Hange won fights with them without much hassle. But he would lie, if he said that he didn’t like watching her. Hange was strong, quick and endlessly graceful. Even with patch, covering her left eye, she was swift and coordinated.

It was one of those times, when Levi watched Hange effortlessly disarm Eren that Armin sat down next to him.

“I think I found out the origin of captain Hange’s name,” the boy said, handing Levi a book.

He scanned through the contents of a page Armin showed him. So that’s where Hange was from? He would need to ask her about it. Finally, he gained some leverage on her.

He was so lost in that satisfactory feeling that he didn’t notice that Eren had clutched his arm and started dragging him upwards.

“Captain, please!” Eren lamented, as he continued to pull Levi up. “You have to fight with captain Hange. She always wins, it’s unfair!”

“Yes, you have to show her what we’re made of!” Jean agreed.

“We believe in you, Captain!” Sasha cheered, giving Levi one last shove in the direction of Hange.

Hange herself stood in front of him. She put hands on her hips, grinning at him. “You don’t have to fight with me. If you’re afraid to lose.”

Oh, so that was it? She was that cocky? Well, Levi couldn’t just let it continue. He snatched the saber out of Eren’s hand, taking a stand and smirking at her gloomily. “You fought those fools and think you can win a duel with me? Not in a million years, pirate.”

“Why won’t we spice it up a little, sailor? Want to start a bet? Whoever loses has to fulfill the winner’s wish.”

Levi scowled. “You didn’t start any bets with those brats.”

“Because I knew it would be an easy. But you… I think you are quite a challenge.”

“And what kind of wish are we talking about?”

Hange gave him an almost feral grin. “Anything that comes to your mind.”

“And if I ask you to jump over the railing and give me back my ship?”

“Um, yeah,” Hange chuckled. “Anything but that.”

Levi huffed. “Fine, let’s get on with it, then.”

Hange mimicked his stance, ready to strike. “Show me what you got.”

As soon as Hange stopped talking, she attacked. It wasn’t a mighty swing, she was evidently just testing the ground, and Levi blocked it easily. Hange immediately followed it with another hit, and then another. Levi had no choice but to step back. He looked at Hange closely, he watched her fight with Eren, Jean and Mikasa, and she used a different style then. In duels with them, she was more on a defensive, waiting for an opportunity to land her critical hit. But now, she was moving swiftly, attacking him again and again, forcing him to either block and give her an opening, or move back.

Oh. So that’s what she was trying to do.

Levi looked her in the eye. Hange met his gaze, grinning wildly.

He blocked her next attack and then countered it with his own. Before Hange could react, he inflicted another blow. Two could play this game.

So very soon, Hange had to start evading his attacks. She jumped to the side or took a step back. She tried to retaliate, but Levi didn’t give her even a chance to do so. And in a matter of a few minutes of furiously charging at her, Levi finally had her exactly where he needed. Cornered against the door of a cabin. With a heavy swing, he knocked the weapon out of her hand. Then he moved his saber up, pressing its tilt to Hange’s throat.

He took a step closer, until their chests were nearly touching. Hange was breathing heavily, and with a start Levi realized that he had some difficulty breathing too.

Was it because of their fight? Or something else?

Hange licked her lips, before curving them in another grin. Levi’s eyes traced that movement. Suddenly, he wanted to take another step closer. Move so close that he would be able to look into her eye. From where he stood, it was near impossible to see the brown color of her iris, almost all of it was taken over by the black of the pupil. Was she so excited because of their fight? Or something else?

And then, as Hange slowly lifted her hands in surrender, Levi realized. He could kill her right now. She was weaponless and helpless, entirely at his mercy. He could end it right there and then, get rid of Hange and then deal with the rest of her team. Take his ship back. But somehow, murder wasn’t the thing that occupied his mind.

Instead, for some weird reason, he couldn’t look away from her lips. From up close, they looked soft. If he touched them right now, if he tasted them, pressing his own mouth to them, would he like it? Would Hange like it?

“That was great, Captain!”

Eren clasped his shoulder with a smile, and Levi moved swiftly, as though his proximity with Hange had burned him. He threw the saber to the ground, hastily leaving the deck.

What was wrong with him? What the fuck was he thinking about? Hange was his enemy, a dirty pirate, who had stolen his ship, and what he wanted to do with her? Make out? Stupid fucking idiot.

“Levi, wait!”

Oh no, it was Hange. Levi tried to close the doors to his cabin, but she had already stepped inside.

“You didn’t tell me your wish,” she explained, smiling softly.

Oh, right, the wish. Certainly, there were a couple of things he wished to do with Hange. And those were the same things he shouldn’t even think about!

“Come out to the deck at midnight,” he said instead, ignoring the weird feelings inside his chest. And the almost irresistible urge to get close to Hange. “I want to talk with you about something.”

“Roger that!” Hange saluted to him, leaving his cabin.

Levi watched her go. She seemed completely unaffected. Was he the only one, who felt this? This tension, this atmosphere between them. It was intense, charged with something powerful and unnamable. It pulled Levi closer, made it impossible to look away, when Hange was in his line of sight.

He just couldn’t stay away from her. And the worst thing – he didn’t want to.

  ***

As soon as his watch stroke midnight, Levi walked out to the deck. Hange was already there, waiting for him.

She looked different than usual – she changed from her shirt, pants and long coat into a thin white shirt a light yellow robe. Her hair was free out of the familiar ponytail, and now the soft brown locks cascaded down to her shoulders. She looked weird, seemed almost innocent and fragile. Levi mentally scoffed, as that word came to his mind. Hange was many things, but she definitely wasn’t fragile.

“Did you want to talk?” she asked without looking at him. “Or did you come here to stare at me?”

Shit, so she noticed him. Levi felt his face burn. Damn it, he needed to focus.

“I found your family,” he said, thrusting a book Armin gave him into her hands. “Francisco Zoe, that’s your father right?”

“Maybe,” Hange shrugged, not even glancing at the book. “What does it matter, though?”

“He is a member Parliament, he owns a massive amount of lands and estates – he’s rich and very influential!”

“So what?” Hange lazily required.

“So what?!” Levi gasped. “You, his only child, are a pirate captain, who can’t even afford your own ship!”

“I’m not his child,” she retorted bitterly. “He is a cruel and heartless man, who doesn’t give a shit about me. He never did. The only reason, why he kept me by his side all these years was because he wanted to marry me off. And when I refused, he disowned me.”

“Your father kicked you out…” Levi stared at her incredulously. “So you’ve decided to become a pirate?”

“I’m not a pirate,” Hange reminded him. “I always dreamed of being an explorer – of studying and researching different cultures. But no university in England wanted to hire me, so,” she rolled her shoulders. “I stole a ship and decided to make my dream a reality.”

“And your crew—?”

Hange smiled, the gesture softening her features. “They’ve been servants at my father’s house. I used to read them my books, and when I was preparing to run away, they wanted to go with me. We’ve been together ever since.”

Levi shook his head, trying to make a sense of Hange’s story. She had it all – wealth, social status and a safe future, but she decided to sacrifice it, because she had other dreams, because she wasn’t content with her life. It was hard for Levi to understand it, or her. He grew up poor and struggled all his life, just trying to survive. His mother died, when he was a boy, his uncle left him, when he was barely a teenager. He would have given anything to be in Hange’s place, to live a comfortable and safe life. But she threw it all away and didn’t seem to regret it in the least.

“You seem troubled,” Hange noted with a quiet chuckle.

“I don’t understand you,” Levi answered truthfully. “You just left your comfortable life behind, became a criminal and an outlaw, who can be killed at any moment. Dozens of British officers are trying to capture you, send you to jail, or, worse to the gallows. Why did you do it?”

“To free myself,” Hange said softly, but proudly. “To get away from my asshole father and live my life the way I want it to. And by the way, you’re wrong,” she smiled mischievously. “There aren’t any British officers, who are trying to capture me.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “And what makes you so sure?”

Hange leaned in, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I didn’t cut my ties with London completely. I still have a few very influential friends.”

Levi’s eyes widened, as he realized who exactly Hange meant. There was only one person, who held such a high rank and was daring and reckless enough to conspire with pirates.

“And what that bastard needs from you?”

“B-bastard?” Hange choked. “You know Erwin?!”

“He’s my superior officer,” Levi grumbled, avoiding Hange’s curious gaze. “And you didn’t answer my question, four-eyes.”

“Ah, well,” Hange adjusted her glasses. “Pirates frequently attack ships. And sometimes Erwin points me to especially well-equipped vessels.”

“You spy for him!” Levi pinned Hange with a hard gaze. “Did he tell to attack our ship as well?”

“No! It was a mere coincidence,” Hange smiled slyly, playing with strands of her hair. “Or maybe fate?”

“There is no such thing as fate,” Levi huffed.

“So everything happens without a reason?”

“Exactly,” he nodded.

Hange elbowed him in the side, chuckling. “You’re a cynic.”

“And you’re naively optimistic.”

“Opposites attract?” Hange smirked.

And there it was again. That same electrifying tension, which pulled Levi closer to her. He tried to resist it, but the longer he spent looking into her eye, the harder it became to tear his gaze away. Hange stared back at him just as intently, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. It looked like a completely involuntarily action, but Levi’s pulse raced double time.

Was Hange’s heartbeat as loud and fast as his? Was she as affected by their sudden proximity as he was?

Without really thinking about his actions, Levi slowly lifted his arm. He didn’t know what he was trying to do – put it on her shoulder to bring her closer? Tangle it in her hair, so he could crash their lips together?

But before he had a chance to decide, Hange jumped to the side, escaping his arms.

“It’s getting late, don’t you think?” she giggled. The sound was so forced, it made Levi cringe. “I think I’ll head to bed now! Goodnight!”

And then Hange almost ran to her own cabin.

Shit.

Levi lowered his hand and tightened it into a fist. What was he even thinking? What was she doing to him, why couldn’t he control himself in her presence? It wasn’t like him at all, he was always in control. He controlled every emotion and feeling, every move of his body and word from his mouth. But when Hange was around, all of his carefully constructed walls crumbled and fell. One smile from her was all it took for Levi to lose his mind, to completely surrender to her charms or whatever it was that made him react so wildly.

He needed to get a grip on himself. He needed to stop thinking about the brown color of her eye, or the soft curve of her smile, or the way her laughter reminded him of warm, sunny days.

Hange was a pirate, his enemy. She stole his ship for Christ’s sake! He must hate her, not want to kiss her so hard that she would forget everything, but his name.

He needed to get her out of his head. To avoid her at all costs, until they part their ways.

***

Surprisingly, avoiding Hange wasn't as hard as Levi had feared. All he really had to do was to close himself inside his cabin and take as much books from Armin, as the boy had.

It wasn't an ideal situation, Levi hated sitting around and doing nothing, and Armin's choice of books was boring, to say the least. But. It gave him at least something to think about besides Hange and whatever was going on between them.

Still, even though he was spending all his days behind closed doors, it was hard to escape from Hange. The walls were paper-thin and so Levi heard her every laugh or exclamation. And every time he did, his treacherous mind filled with images of Hange's infuriating face. He'd think about her stupid cocky grin or her annoyingly sweet smile or her pretty brown eyes that seemed to sparkle, when she was excited or happy.

And it drove him mad, made him want to bang his head against the wall, because goddamn it, but he wanted her. He wanted her so much it was insufferable. It confused him, and, more than that, it scared him.

He had never felt like this - sure, he wasn't a stranger to sex, and sometimes, when he was on land, he'd seek some pleasurable company, but he never did it intentionally. He had never wanted it, needed it so much.

But when Hange was next to him, he could barely resist himself. He wanted to kiss her so much it almost pained him.

But somehow he knew— he knew that if he let himself kiss her, if he managed to taste her on his lips at least once, then he wouldn't be able to let go. And he couldn't, wouldn't let that happen.

Soon they'll reach Port Royal. Hange would be gone from his life forever. And, hopefully, she'd be gone from his heart too.

*** Levi was reading a particularly thrilling paragraph about navigation, when his door began to shake with thunderous blows. He groaned, recognizing Eren's knocks right away.

"The fuck do you want?" he shouted, not bothering to get to his feet and open the door.

Unfortunately, either Eren didn't hear him or he misinterpreted his words for a welcome, because in the next second he tumbled inside his room.

"Captain!"

Levi tensed, as he saw that the boy looked absolutely wild - his face was flushed and his eyes stared at him with a desperate implore. Did something happen? Were they attacked or—

"It's an absolute disaster!" Eren cried out. "Captain Hange's crew, you have to stop them!"

What? Did Hange decide to break her promise? Levi felt his blood go cold. He believed her, fucking trusted her and she betrayed him?

"Eren," Levi walked to the boy and tightly gripped his shoulders. "What happened?"

"The tournament!"

The what?

"We decided to organize the tournament, to find out who is better - pirates or members of navy, and—"

"Wait," Levi took a step back, pinching the bridge of his nose. Headache started to form behind his eyelids. "You are this panicked because of some stupid competition?"

"We can't lose to them, Captain!"

"Our honor is on the line!" Connie added, materializing seemingly out of thin air. All other members of Levi’s crew appeared next to him as well. All of them had the same desperate expressions as Eren.

Levi sighed. The headache was rapidly intensifying. "Fine, tell me what happened."

"We were kind of bored, so Сaptain Hange proposed to find out who are the best fighters," Eren began. "There were four duels."

"I defeated Keiji!" Connie shouted proudly.

"But that horse Jean lost to Abel," Eren shook his head. Jean glared at him, elbowing him in the side.

"Mikasa won in a fight against Moblit," Armin said, smiling nervously.

"But Sasha couldn't defeat Nifa," Connie sadly finished.

"So now we have a tie!" the fire returned to Eren's eyes.

"And the fuck I have to do with your shit?" Levi asked, crossing hands on his chest and scowling at his subordinates. "You still didn't fight, Eren. Go and duel with four-eyes. Win that stupid tournament and get over it."

"But Captain! I've fought with her dozens of times! And I didn't win even once!"

"Guys," Levi tensed, as he heard that voice. Soon its owner appeared in his doorway. "Don't pressure your Captain so much. If he's afraid of losing, there is nothing you can do."

Oh, that's how it was? She was back to her insufferably cocky self?

"I won last time, four-eyes," Levi coldly remained.

"Doesn't mean you'll win this time too," she smirked.

"If you want to embarrass yourself again," he growled, pushing past his crewmembers.

He grabbed the saber from Mikasa, gripping it tightly in his hand. His grip became even tighter, when he saw the smug look on Hange's face, as she sauntered to stand in front of him.

She twirled her own saber, that damn smirk still plastered on her lips. Levi wanted to wipe it off with his fist, or, more preferably, with his own lips.

"The terms are the same as last time? The one who loses has to fulfill the other's wish?"

"You were the one, who lost last time," Levi reminded her again.

"The past is in the past," Hange shrugged, before taking a fighting stance.

In the next moment, she attacked. And even though, Levi was ready for it, he wasn't quite ready for the force of her hit. Hange swung her saber so heavily, Levi's own weapon had almost fallen to the ground.

He cursed under his breath, she changed her fighting style again. She didn't give him the slightest chance to adapt. What an irritating woman. Fighting with her was absolutely exhilarating.

Before he could perform his own attack, Hange hit him again. And again. Her swings were fast, but strong, and all Levi could do was try his best to avoid them. He blocked, ducked, jumped back, stepped aside. Soon he and Hange were dancing around the deck, going around each other in circles.

Hange was an excellent fighter, but not better than Levi. Dueling with her wouldn't be that hard, if he could focus on something else, except that exciting twinkle in her eye.

And, of course, because she wasn't just a good fighter, but an incredibly sharp person, Hange saw right through him. And turned his fault into her advantage. While Levi was so centered on her face, she swung lowly, hitting his wrist. It was an intentionally soft hit, Hange was evidently extra careful not to hurt him. However, the impact still made him drop his weapon.

A wide, victorious grin appeared on her face. Behind them, Hange's crew began to shout in triumph, while Levi's men groaned in defeat.

"I'll be waiting for you at midnight," she whispered, patting his shoulder.

And then, she went to accept congratulations from her crew, leaving Levi stare after her with a dazed and shook expression.

  ***

Levi knew it was a bad idea. To stand next to Hange on the empty deck in the middle of the night - he was practically asking for trouble. But he always kept his word, and he wouldn't break his principals now. He'd listen to what Hange wants from him, he'd perform whatever stupid task she'd ask. And then he'd leave.

Without looking back.

He got a sense of déjà vu, when he walked out to the deck and saw Hange there.

"So you came," she noted without turning to face him.

"You doubted me?" Levi took a few steps closer, but still stood a little distance away.

"Well," Hange shrugged. "You were avoiding me for three days."

So she noticed, huh? Well, he wasn't exactly subtle.

"What is your wish?" he asked gruffly, trying to mask his uneasiness.

Hange grinned, finally looking at him. "Kiss me," she said simply.

"What?!"

"Kiss me," Hange repeated sweetly, as though she was talking to a child. "On the lips."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe. But you agreed to a bet. Or does honor means nothing to you?”

Levi let out a low growl. She was taunting him, he knew that. Telling her to go fuck herself and then leaving was the smartest thing to do.

Unfortunately, Levi didn’t consider himself to be a very smart person.

So her grabbed by the shirt and crashed his lips against hers. He meant for it to be brief, just a simple touch. But when Hange opened her mouth and a quiet moan escaped her, Levi knotted his fists into her shirt, pulling her harder against him.

He felt shivers run down his spine, his knees were getting wobbly, but he didn’t stop, not until he was completely out of breath.

“Jeez,” Hange whispered, when they broke apart. “I knew you were good, but I could have never imagined that.”

“You thought about kissing me?” Levi asked dizzily. His heart hammered inside his chest and his hands trembled with desire to touch her again.

“Yeah,” Hange laughed, not an ounce of shame. “Many times.”

“Then why—” Levi glared at her. “The last time we spoke, I wanted to kiss you.”

“I know,” Hange nodded.

“Why did you push me away then?”

“I got scared,” she answered simply and honestly. “No one has ever made me feel like this before, and I was confused about it.”

“And what changed?”

“Remember what I told you? About living my life the way I want it? Well,” Hange spread her hands. “I like how you make me feel, and I very much like you, so why should I deprive myself of that?”

“So that’s it?” Levi asked. “It’s that simple?”

Hange shrugged, her lips curving into a grin. “Yeah, for me it is.”

Levi raked his hands through his hair. “I need… to think about it.”

“Sure,” she softly patted his shoulder. Her understanding, kindness and acceptance bewildered Levi beyond words. “Take all the time you need. I’m not pressuring you into anything.”

“This thing between us— what if I agree to it?” Levi looked up at her, his eyes desperate for something he couldn’t name. “How would that even work? We probably won’t see each other again.”

“We don’t really have to say goodbye,” she mused. “We can… work together?”

“I’m an officer of the navy,” Levi reminded her.

“And I’m only a part-time pirate,” Hange said cheekily. “I mean we both work for Erwin anyway.”

“And I won’t have to give my ship to you…” Levi agreed, feeling uncharacteristically giddy. What if… what if that actually can work?

“I can help you get rid of violent criminals and—”

“And I can help you travel around the world,” he finished.

“Mm,” Hange smiled. It was the brightest smile Levi had ever seen on her face. “So does that mean you agree to cooperate?”

“Your terms don’t sound that awful,” a small smile tugged at Levi’s own lips. “I think we should seal our deal.”

And with that, he wrapped his hands around her and kissed her once again.

  ***

A part-time pirate was also an exceptional thief. However, it wasn’t Levi’s ship that was stolen.

It was his heart.

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Books

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell. First, I actually appreciated the foreward to the “Left Book Club” copy, even though it says that anyone who is not a member should disregard it. It gave an interesting rebuttal to parts of the book. That aside, I’m not totally sure what to make of the book. On the level of descriptive writing, I rarely find something this richly penned. But it’s loaded with concepts and lingo and even a monetary system I’m unfamiliar with, and that hampers my understanding of the points. I get the general gist, but all the finer points are very lost on me, simply because I’m an American millennial.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson. I’ve seen the “F*ck” series titles floating around here and there, and I’m intrigued by a couple of them. The idea of this one is that people give way too many f*cks about everything, and that you really need to pick where you give your f*cks in life and never give a f*ck about anything that doesn’t line up with your values (in a nutshell). It’s an easy and interesting read. It’s interesting to me that, in the wake of what I hear was many years of positive-mood and high self-esteem type self help books (most of which I’ve only heard of and never read, were they before my time?), we’re getting a backlash of “Yes, life sucks. Yes, life has pain. Dealing with pain and failure appropriately is a part of life. Accept that, or lose yourself to complete entitlement” type self-help books. I’m curious what this trend produces in people over time. I’d also like to highlight that this book has the best discussion of dividing “fault” and “responsibility” that I’ve ever read.

Shows

Loki. WHAT EVEN. WHAT EVEN. WHAT. WHAT THE. WHAT THE. FRESH… THE FRICK FRACK PADDYWHACK???!!!

Mushi-shi. So, turns out the first time I watched this I somehow started on Season 2, and my source cut out before the season end… no wonder I was pretty confused. So I started re-watching this and… I remember how incredibly unsettling this anime is. It’s equal parts gentle wonder and soft horror, a blend that is very difficult to describe unless you’ve seen it. Much like Mushi themselves, eh? I think I’ll balance this out by ending each watch session with an episode of Log Horizon rewatch. That’ll keep the emotional balance intact.

Claymore. I ended up dropping this one halfway through. It has an interesting concept, but the “things that bug me” points mounted pretty fast. In the early episodes, everything is so dark that it’s hard to see what’s going on. There’s a huge amount of monologuing and info-dumping IN monologue, and this goes on even mid-fight, and even CALMLY mid-fight. Yes, this isn’t the only anime that does this, but it decreases my enjoyment. It’s difficult to take the story seriously when the big bad yells, “Why can’t I defeat you?” to the weakest-but-somehow-also-the-strongest member of a team, and then have a colleague of the team member calmly explain to the big bad exactly why he’s unable to land a blow, then they take off his head together. This show has a lot of that sort of thing. I’ll read up on how the series ended, not interested in slogging through the other half.

Elfen Lied. This is a re-re-rewatch for me. I stumbled on this anime when I was newly inducted into anime-watching and, well... given that Princess Tutu was my very first anime, this one was a real shock to my system at first. By all accounts I should have dropped it and run screaming at the time, but I couldn’t. There was something about the sheer tragedy of the story that called to me. Plus it was VERY short. So I returned to it from time to time. Now that I’ve developed more of a feel for what I do and don’t like in a story, how does this hold up? The relationships are terrible, imo, and the whole thing about diclonius is never explained enough (and I still don't understand the ending) but it's STILL hard not to be pulled in by the sheer tragedy of the series.

Movies

300. I haven’t seen this movie since college. Is it weird how much I enjoyed it as a romp? Yes, there’s death and tragedy, but the dry humor and utter gung-ho-edness of it is infectious. It’s a good flick, I’m really glad I went back to see it. And I also finally understand Leonidas telling the traitor, “May you live forever.” Damn, man. No wonder he flinched.

Weathering With You. GORGEOUS. I need to see more by this animator… LIGHT. WATER. FOOD. I hear they’re calling this person the new Miyazaki? I CONCUR. And the story is sweet and beautiful and just yes. Yes. Oh, look, he made something else before this movie…

Your Name. Okay so I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, fantastic story and, once again, gorgeous animation that all makes me want to track with this creator in the future. And the twist definitely socked me in the gut, I didn’t see it coming. On the other hand, I feel like this movie hits an extreme of “show, don’t tell” in a way that comes awfully close to a negative. I didn’t think that was possible, but this movie switches timelines, POV, points in time, etc, so rapidly that it becomes difficult to keep track of what’s going on, properly. I could not imagine watching this movie in theaters, it has to be watched with a remote in hand to pause, rewind, rewatch, discuss what the heck just happened. It’s like watching Mystery Skulls videos, with that level of rapid fire little details that are incredibly important to the plot, but for a feature length film. Also, after some discussion, I came to see (and agree) that there’s a foundational issue in the main relationship that doesn’t bode well for the future, as much as I rooted for them to be together. Still, it’s an incredible movie and I can see why it was the highest grossing movie for Japan a few years back.

Games

Diablo II. I’m really happy. I live in a house with my husband and his best friend, and in the past year or so we’ve begun playing games together. This is the sort of game I would never have gone to on my own because I actually need someone in the room who I can ask, “Hey, how do you assign attacks again?” or “Hey, is this piece of gear better than the piece I’m wearing?” I don’t like playing the number game on gear so much, but I let the two of them dress my character up and then I back them up in a fight and enjoy myself. Looting and exploring for treasure is probably my favorite aspect (says the person who plays Breath of the Wild just to forage for mushroom and herbs), although as a level 20 Amazon I’m now shooting out waves of 8 arrows at a time, and that’s pretty epic too. It’s a special kind of joy to find out you actually like a type of gaming as long as there’s people there who can explain things along the way and who don’t get annoyed at re-asked questions. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m having a blast playing Diablo II in a group. And as for the other game we play together as a group…

WoW Classic. I covered this before, but back then I was a lowly level 17 Dwarf Hunter. Now I’m a lowly level 36 Dwarf Hunter. With a mount! I have epic skills like explosion traps, poisonous shots, and multi-shot. My wolf has gained a ton more skills, too, and is (or so I’m told) a pretty effective off-tank. I have been told I am an effective DPS person, which makes me very happy. I really enjoy this kind of gaming, but specifically when I’m in the same room as the people I’m gaming with. Communication is a lot easier and we work really well as a team that way.

[annaraebananawriter]

Blinded By Love

Yellow there! I’m back with another oneshot. I worked on this one for the past week, ever since I got the first piece of inspiration for it. I will be honest and say that it didn’t come out exactly the way I imagined, but it got all of the key parts and that’s the most important part.

As for this inspiration, it comes from @zu-is-here and specifically these three posts here! Also, as promised, @qweezy0w0, here is the oneshot! I...uh...I’m not sure if I made it worse exactly, but I didn’t make it happier, I know that. Just...be prepared, I guess?

Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Undertale, but specifically Dark Cream AU

Characters: Dream, Nightmare (Who belong to Joku), Cross (Who belongs to Jakei), and Killer (Who belongs to Rahafwabas)

Pairings: Implied Cream/Dark Cream

Warnings: Language and I think that’s it? Let me know!

Word Count: 4407

~oOo~

Love is, perhaps, one of, if not the strongest force in the entire multiverse. It is what drives humans and monsters to fight, to protect and care for, to cherish and take revenge. It is what people listen to most, when times are tough and they need to take drastic measures. Listen to their heart, to love, or listen to logic, common sense? Reason or fantasy? Imagination or fact? Both of these options can be right, be it at the same time or at different times, and other times they can both make an even bigger mess.

Sometimes, though, people can even love too much. That is when love becomes dangerous. It can become harmful and restless, untamed and wild. It can make people do things they deemed unethical or immoral before they fell into this love, became blinded by that love. Their mind becomes unhinged, wondering if this or if that will make the one they hold so dear return their love and love them the same way. Drastic measures can be taken in this state, either inwards on the person themselves, or outwards on others they care for and strangers they’ve never met before.

Despite all the possibilities of this force, nothing can change how powerful it is. This is a mystery no one has managed to solve, or ever will. It is not meant to be solved—that would just take the pleasure out of it. Everyone likes believing in love, even when they think it will never be for them. It’s just how they are. Love can help them forget all the flaws about themselves and the world around them.

This force is something that intrigues Nightmare. He knows he has felt it before, and is still capable of feeling it, even after everything he’s done, but he still does not understand it. What causes these feelings? Is it by chance or some predetermined thing? Does he have a say in who he falls in love with? The questions nag at him every now and then, through day and night like a virus he can’t get rid of. He sometimes finds himself unable to sleep because he has to force himself to let go of these thoughts, allow himself to fall asleep without an answer to them, no matter how much it makes his stomach turn.

There is one constant thing about this force of love that he knows without a doubt, however: he loves Dream, has never and will never stop.

The apple incident, as it has come to be known, is something that will always haunt his thoughts. Nightmare can’t remember his exact line of thinking now, but he knows that he ate the apples as a desperate act to protect Dream, mostly, and to protect himself. His brother was the most important thing in his life. The villagers tried to take that away from him, but he wouldn’t let them. He ate the apples, but something about his big plan to protect went wrong. The protect aspect got lost, which just left him and a ton of power he couldn’t control and people who were glaring at him and one person who was crying.

He couldn’t recognize his own brother. All he saw was someone defying him and stopping him from fulfilling his plan, even if he couldn’t remember it. And that someone stopped him from becoming unstoppable, so he got angry. How dare this little runt stand in his way? Doesn’t he know that he should be begging, grovelling on his knees, pleading for mercy? Doesn’t he know that he’s outmatched and out of hope? And then he did what any villain faced with a hero who wouldn’t give up did: he tried to kill him.

Luckily, he failed, but Dream ended up encased in stone for years, while Nightmare was left with a multiverse and a sick thought to conquer it. So, he set out to do just that. He didn’t look back. He didn’t stop for a minute to wonder if the person who stood against him still lived, if he was conscious in that prison. Instead, he turned with a smile, believing the stone to hold forever and leave no one to oppose him.

The years left alone were good for only one reason, and that was that it let him learn how to control his powers and regain the initial thought process he had. He grew calmer and more comfortable, barely able to remember a time when he felt so good. He remembered the villagers and their abuse and Dream, which put a whole spin on his way of thinking. Nightmare had realized, randomly while working away at a stack of paperwork, that Dream was the one who he had turned to stone and that thought, that little thought right there made his heart twist, something that he hated to feel. Whenever Dream came into his head, he would force himself to not love him, not worry about him, not give a fuck about him.

It never truly worked.

That’s the thing about love. It doesn’t go away, not if the person was nice and good for you, if they were your everything, your world. Losing that person would make all your negative emotions and worst thought rear their ugly heads, trying to tear into and cut you open, pour salt into wounds that may have just been freshly healed. It would make you regret everything that you think could’ve made them leave like that and why you deserved it, why you should feel so bad. Losing the one you loved tears out your heart and lets it rot while you stare blankly at it, unable to comprehend why this is happening.

No matter how much he forced himself to disregard his brother, he still cared and that hurt. The hurt only intensified when Dream came back, a mix of hardened and fragile look in his eyes and aura that made Nightmare’s worry expand deep down in the pit he buried it in. It made him think, all through their numerous battles, Did I do this? Did I create this hurt that surrounds him? How am I any different from those bullies when I can make my brother look so broken, so wrong, like how they made my bones look?

He did so many terrible things, said so many insults and what he thought were truths. Every fight they had, he saw Dream lose more and more hope, lose the will to fight but keep pushing anyways. He hated it. He hated himself. He felt disgust at every word he said. But he was too committed to stop now. Everything was woven too tightly to be undone now. He couldn’t go back, couldn’t give that thought a possibility of happening. Nightmare himself willed Dream to keep fighting, even when he looked the most tired, because he didn’t want to win anymore. He was tired. They both were. And he knew that him losing would be the best option for everything.

Then…one final act of cruelty pushed Dream too far and he ate an apple of his own.

Nothing hurt more than seeing the one person you care for above anyone else do the exact same mistake you did. Nothing. He could only watch, horror filling him, as Dream shouted in pain right in front of him, the corruption spilling over him like a wave. All his thoughts were jumbled and there was an ache in his chest that made it hard for him to breathe. Nightmare realized, at this moment, that he had played the villain for so long, he had no clue what words to say to play the hero, or even if he could. This process was impossible to stop once it started.

None of his actions would do anything worthwhile, and that scared him. Everything about this outcome of his actions scared him. There was a guilt building on his back that he was sure he would drown in in the aftermath, but for now, the guilt and the fear all culminated into the need to run. Just…get out. Get somewhere to sit down and think. He found himself following that need without realizing it, taking a slow step back, followed by another, and another, until something snapped and he turned and ran. He ran without looking back, taking no notice until later of Cross standing there, watching Dream also with tears streaming down his face.

He ran and ran until he was out of the AU and in his home, the castle he’d built for himself to keep the rest of the world out and him safe and sound inside. His team he had gathered, stupid followers of a mad king, noticed him and, upon realizing that their king had fallen so low into a weak monster, grew angry. They yelled and barked, growled in hate and left, saying that if Nightmare was willing to give everything up just because of one small consequence, then he was unfit to lead.

Nightmare never replied, only absorbing the words and letting them wash over his mind. He was unable to think of anything else besides Dream and corruption and how much of a monster he had become. It killed him inside and he fell to his knees, staring blankly at the floor, not seeing anything besides Dream eating the apple, corruption overspilling over him, everything he said that led to this moment.

Briefly, all of that went away and he caught a glimpse of his hand, the white bones burning into his vision. He held it up and stared, turning it over slowly.

Oh, he thought faintly, so the corruption was pushed back by my own fear and panic.

It’s rather ironic, in some ways.

He heard a step echo through the room and he let his hand fall, his eyes drawn to the only one of his subordinates that stayed. Killer. The other stared down at him with concern, and crouched in front of him, opening his mouth and—

“Nightmare?”

Something pressed down on his shoulders and Nightmare blinked, the images of the past fading away, stored back in his memory as they should be. He looked up to Killer, who had put his hand on his shoulder and looked at him with the same concern as before. For a minute, he was lost. What was happening again? Then he looked around and made eye contact with Cross, who gazed back with anger and desperation, tears tumbling slowly down his face, and his eyes were drawn down to the guard’s arms, to Dream—and he remembered.

Oh.

Killer had left, claiming that he was going to think for a while, but Nightmare knows that wasn’t the truth—they both knew Cross and Dream…Shattered would come eventually, for good or for worse—and had come back looking conflicted, if a bit panicked. Nightmare had been concerned, but before he could ask what was wrong, Cross entered behind him, his brother in his arms, unconscious and covered in apple blossoms, the white colouring looking so out of place it was all he could see for a minute.

His feet seemed rooted to the ground. The world seemed to disappear, leaving only him and his brother, the version of him formed out of Nightmare’s mistakes, and all he could see was what led to this version, led to all of this happening. He saw nothing but the past until Killer broke him out of it, reminding him about the current and important situation.

All at once, now he remembered, the emotions came flooding back: worry, fear, panic, confusion. They were all tangled together, so woven into a ball that held itself in his chest and made it difficult to breathe. He forced himself to work past it all. His feelings didn’t matter at this moment; all that did was Sh—Dream and what was wrong with him.

The apple blossoms were new, that was the only piece of thought he could hold onto amidst everything. That was where the confusion stemmed from. During his corruption, no apple blossoms had ever grown on him before. He couldn’t understand it. He had to try and understand it. From the looks of things, that was what caused him to go unconscious in the first place, and most likely the source of other problems that they could deal with later.

It was decided then; the first action would be to know about these flowers—where they came from, when they started appearing, what were they and, finally, why they were there.

Nightmare swallowed and stepped forward, calling upon his experience as a king to help him keep his emotions in check as he found out how to help. “Lay him down.” He cringed slightly at the way his voice shook, but pushed that aside as Cross obeyed silently, staying kneeled beside Dream, keeping his eyes on the one he followed.

Nightmare watched for a minute, knowing time most likely of the essence, but finding himself unable to bring himself to take away such a caring and loving gaze. It was obvious that Cross loved Dream, no matter his actions or how much he tried to push him away. That was how strong his love was. And Nightmare already knew, without having to see it himself, that Dream loved him back just as strongly, no matter how much he denied it. Their love was a love built on the understanding of each other's vulnerabilities and deepest, most ugly anger and hate and loving the other through it all. It was beautiful to see.

But that love, while nice as it may be, wasn’t the focus right now and Nightmare hesitantly kneeled down opposite of Cross, on the other side of Dream.

It pained him to see Dream in pain this close up. He could see it in the way his fingers twitched so slightly and there was a grimace in his sleep, seemingly permanent. The corruption was still strong, which caused another wave of guilt over Nightmare, which he stubbornly ignored for this moment, and contrasted greatly with the apple blossoms. There were more flowers than he thought. They covered his brother’s eye that hadn’t been covered by the corruption, rendering him blind. They peeked through the top of his shirt, continuing down until they poked out of the ends of the sleeves, meeting the ones coming out of his gloves, a thin gap where there wasn’t any between them. They were practically everywhere. Nightmare could even see a couple of stray ones on his feet, which were surprisingly bare.

It was much worse than he thought. That only increased the importance of fixing things.

“How…how did—when, when did this start?” Nightmare asked, eyes flicking over to Cross, who shifted, but only shook his head.

“I’m not sure.” Cross’s voice was quivering, on the verge of full-on sobs and it hurt Nightmare to hear. “He didn’t…he tried to keep them hidden, the idiot, so I wouldn’t know, until they started on his eye and he couldn’t hide them anymore.” He swallowed. “I know they hurt him. They itch and he has a habit of picking and scratching at them, which only makes them worse, and I try to tell him that but he does it anyway and—” He cut himself off, and Nightmare looked away as he wiped a hand across his eyes.

So…when did this start? Not sure of the exact date or time, but Nightmare’s going to go out on a limb and guess it would’ve started shortly after he corrupted, all that time back. It was a painful thing to think about, but it made sense, even if he hurt just thinking about all those days Dream was in pain and didn’t tell anyone, just like…just like he always did.

Shifting, Nightmare slowly reached out, giving enough time for Cross to object, but he stayed silent, and so Nightmare gently set his fingertips on one of the flowers by Dream’s eye. He flinched when he saw Dream flinch, but only lightened his touch as much as he could instead of pulling away, like he wanted to. He didn’t want to hurt his brother any further than he already was.

The flowers were, surprisingly, soft to the touch, as if they were innocent of their cause, meant to be there. As if they weren’t harmful and hurting his brother and causing so much pain. It didn’t help that, on any other thing, any tree like they were supposed to be on, they would look beautiful and people would smile and appreciate them.

Nightmare took a breath and focused. The little, lone flower he was touching shifted as if moving in a wind that no one else could feel and glowed a pale golden colour. They left Nightmare feel, in a small and slow stream, what they held and represented. They couldn’t say why they were there, but they could share whose magic they held and that information made Nightmare pull his hand back like it had been burnt.

He stared at Dream, switching his gaze between him and the flowers and his hand, his eyes wide. His vision turned the slightest bit blurry and he blinked before any tears could fully form. It shouldn’t be possible. No. He…did he make his brother sadder than he thought? Did he do something else? Or…or was this just…how Dream was? No. No. He refused to believe that. That would be even more hurtful than watching his brother make his mistakes.

But if there was even the smallest chance of that being the cause, then he had to check it. He had to. Not just for himself, but for Dream and Cross and, heck, even Killer. He had to make sure it was a possibility, a 100% possibility, before saying anything and doing anything.

“What?” Cross was saying when Nightmare caught up and realized he was talking. “What? What’s wrong?” He had risen to his feet and was towering above Nightmare, seconds away from taking out his sword and threatening him if he didn’t get an answer.

“I…I have to check something.” Nightmare muttered, ignoring Cross. He moved his hand to Dream’s chest, above where the soul would be if it were summoned. He laid his hand gently down and closed his eyes, focusing again.

At first, there was nothing. Just the sound of Cross’s question growing in volume and Killer trying to calm him down, but those sounds grew gradually muffled, like Nightmare had put his head underwater. He would’ve thought that he had passed out or something, but he could feel his breathing and knew he was still awake.

Just…somewhere else.

Not here.

Not there.

Somewhere else.

Nightmare let himself float back, let himself be open to anything. If he could connect with the flowers, let them guide him to the truth of why they existed, then that would help. As he lay there, just breathing, just floating, he felt it.

Wisps of positivity. Of light, hope, happiness, love. Of everything good in the world. He felt it like it was his own, but he knew it wasn’t. He knew it was Dream’s magic, everything his brother represented and just was. He felt what the emotions were connected to, as well. Happiness, with Nightmare, before the first apple incident, with Ink and Blue, the first real friends he ever had. Hope, for the Multiverse, with all it’s flaws and stories, for Nightmare, who he longed to be friends, be brothers, with again, and for Cross, who lost so much. Love, too, for Cross, only Cross. The one who loved him above everything. The one who stayed despite everything. The one who saw Dream and no one else, no immortal thing that should be happy all the time.

Nightmare felt the urge to smile. He loved this part of his brother. He loved the feeling of it, the way it made his soul soar and shine with happiness, the way it could make others smile, even on their roughest days.

This positivity was Dream, whole, no doubt about it.

But…something was wrong.

It felt…drained. Hurt. It felt like there was barely any left, that even as he felt it, it was going away. It felt twisted, like it was turning back on its host, its owner, making them hurt and pick away at the negativity that surrounded them so much, as if as a sort of punishment for not being good enough.

Because that was the purpose of the flowers, the apple blossoms—to punish Dream for giving in, punishing himself for allowing his feelings to get the best of him and punishment for treating the one he loved so badly.

The flowers were created by Dream to hurt Shattered, a cycle of self-destruction that can’t be stopped.

Nightmare opened his eyes. More tears gathered in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks as a sob escaped his throat. His hand reached up to stifle the sound, before it caught the attention of Cross and Killer, but it was too late. He shut his eyes tight in order to compose himself somewhat, as the argument behind him stopped and there were hurried footsteps towards him and he was spun around, face to face with Cross once he opened his eyes again.

“What?” Cross asked, desperation coating his voice. His eyes held a hope that killed Nightmare to see, for he knew he would be the one to smother it. “What?! What’s wrong with Dream?!” He shook Nightmare when he didn’t answer. “Answer me! What’s wrong with Dream, Nightmare?”

Nightmare inhaled shakily. “The flowers…” He started, unable to raise his voice more than a whisper. “The flowers are made of—of positive magic.” He inhaled again, smoother this time. “Dream’s positivity, to be exact.”

Cross blinked, unable to process this. “…I don’t understand.”

“When Dream corrupted,” Nightmare attempted to explain. “he did so out of sadness, and hurt, and…tiredness. He viewed himself as not good enough to continue, growing more desperate to listen to that foolish hope that if he ate the apple—” Nightmare’s voice cracked on this part. “—then I would accept him again, view him as an equal again. He was wrong.” He shook his head. “I never, ever wanted him to do that, I just…” He trailed off, because this wasn’t about him.

Cross had let go of his shoulder and drawn in on himself. He hugged himself tight, looking small. Even his voice was small, betraying no emotion he was feeling. “What does this have to do with the flowers.”

Nightmare swallowed and started again. “The flowers are made of positivity, as I said. Dream’s positivity. They embody all of his happiness, his love, his hope—everything. They’re meant to represent everything he gave up when he ate the apple.” He glanced behind him, looking over his brother, who still looked to be in so much pain. “The reason why the flowers are there…is because they’re to act as a punishment, made by Dream and given to Shattered. It’s a punishment for every time Shattered thinks or feels something positive, a flower grows on him, made up of that positive feeling or thought.” He fell silent.

Cross shifted. “But…they hurt him.” He raised his head a little, looking behind Nightmare to Dream. “Why do they hurt him?”

Nightmare blinked. “My guess is that it's part of the punishment. Shattered is meant to be Dream giving up on positivity, so whenever he does something to tie him back to that or something like that, and a flower is formed, it hurts because he was supposed to have given up on positivity.” Nightmare’s voice went sad. “He wasn’t supposed to want to feel it anymore.”

They were silent for a while, taking everything in.

Then, Cross’s head snapped up, a sort of manic hope in his eyes that was worse than the hope of before. “That punishment…you can stop it, right?” He rose to his feet, stumbling a bit. “You can still help Dream, right? Right?!”

Nightmare blinked. He stood up slowly as well. It twisted his heart to see Cross so desperate, so willing to believe anything. But he couldn’t say no, even if he didn’t want to feed into a lie of yes. “I…” He swallowed. “Our corruptions are different. Mine was formed through my hate and anger. My fear, as well. Dream’s was formed by his sadness and desperation. He was tired.” He wrung his hands. “I might have been able to take control of my corruption, but I have no clue how or if I could help Dream do the same.”

Cross shook his head, either ignoring his words or vaguely registering them. “That doesn’t answer my question.” His voice was unnervingly calm and he stepped forward, his sword forming in his hand. Killer stood nearby on the ready. “Can you help Dream, or can’t you? Yes or no.”

Nightmare swallowed, retreating a slight step, overly conscious of Dream lying behind him. “I…” He couldn’t answer. He wanted to. He really did. But because their corruptions were so different, it would take different circumstances for Dream to take control of his. And Nightmare didn’t know where to start with it. He didn’t know if the answer was yes or no, or even if there was a right answer.

Either way, his silence was answer enough for Cross. The guard stepped forward again, his sword twitching higher, but before he could do anything, he was manhandled away by Killer. They went a few feet away, where they started fighting, Killer never attacking back. He was letting Cross get all of his anger and heartbreak out. Nightmare was glad that he understood.

A small noise from Dream caught his attention. Nightmare turned and knelt beside him again, watching with another round of tears in his eyes as two more flowers appeared, the only two on his neck for now. They were small. He raised his hand and hovered over them, but never touched them, a feeling that they might be sensitive stopping him. Instead, he gently held one of Dream’s hands in his, taking care not to press or squeeze too hard.

A tear slipped out and onto the intertwined hands.

Love might be one of the strongest forces in the multiverse, but Nightmare would be damned if it wasn’t one of the cruellest ones too.

[thedykeprincess]

So you were disappointed in Throne of Glass...

 (DISCLAIMER: This post does not intend to offend anyone who loves ToG. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and likes and dislikes and is allowed to express that. This post is meant to share books that have similar qualities to ToG for people who were disappointed in the series, like myself, but anyone who does like ToG can absolutely find great recs here! However, if you don’t want to hear anything ToG critical I recommend skipping over this post. Thank you!)

So last week I finally got rid of all my ToG books. I was mostly relieved that I now have more room on my bookshelf but I also felt a little sad. It was a series I really enjoyed when I first read it two years ago, and on some level it will always have a special place for me. It was one of the many books that got me back into reading after a five year slump, it’s the reason I became friends with the wonderful Nicole (@/rainbowbooktheif on Instagram) who was the first person irl to make me feel less alone as a bookish nerd, and it, unintentionally, helped me hone my critical reading skills. However, I slowly began to care less and less for the story and characters as the series progressed and ended up not reading the last two books because I just stopped caring. I wondered why a series that I loved so much in the beginning went down hill so fast for me, but in the process of falling out of love with ToG I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt this way about the series! The lack of diversity (and misrepresentation/mistreatment of diverse characters when they were there), sexism, lazy editing and lackluster world building, among other things, came up many times for me and other former ToG fans when discussing why we became disappointed in the series. But the pitch for the book (badass morally gray assassin taking down a tyrant king for her freedom, so cool!) and some of the elements (romance, female friendships, magic, trials) sounded so amazing even though in the end it was executed poorly. So, I decided to compile a list of books that I have read and loved that have some elements and themes of ToG. This list is by no means exhaustive and is limited by the books that I have read (which is not many when you look at how many books exist in the world) so I would love to see your recommendations! Please feel free to add onto this post any recs that you have! Now onto the list!

1) Graceling by Kristin Cashore

I read this book the summer before I started ToG and completely loved it. It was one of the early books that got me back into reading and it was honestly the perfect book for that. It was exciting and I couldn’t put it down. It follows an assassin for a tyrannical king who begins to realize her own gifts for killing are more then she ever thought they could be. Cashore does a fantastic job developing the lead character Katsa and the ways that she dolls out information to the readers slowly is impeccable. While this book is technically the first in a trilogy of books taking place in the Graceling world, it can be read as a standalone fantasy (which I feel like are very rare). Another part of this book that I really loved was the romance. I usually don’t read very many straight romances (due to the sexist/problematic aspects many of the ones that I’ve read have) but the relationship between Katsa and Po is honestly a breath of fresh air when you’re used to a lot of toxicity and sexism with cishet romances in books. The two take care of each other and their relationship is very balanced. There are no gender roles pushed on either of them and they truly grow to become a team throughout the story and it’s wonderful to see! I would consider Katsa and Po, while canonically cis (there isn’t any explicit queer rep in this book), both quite androgynous characters who often express themselves in a fluid manner which I really appreciate. Over all this is an amazing classic YA fantasy that everyone should check out!

Synopsis: “Katsa has been able to kill a man with her bare hands since she was eight—she’s a Graceling, one of the rare people in her land born with an extreme skill. As niece of the king, she should be able to live a life of privilege, but Graced as she is with killing, she is forced to work as the king’s thug.

She never expects to fall in love with beautiful Prince Po.

She never expects to learn the truth behind her Grace—or the terrible secret that lies hidden far away . . . a secret that could destroy all seven kingdoms with words alone.

With elegant, evocative prose and a cast of unforgettable characters, debut author Kristin Cashore creates a mesmerizing world, a death-defying adventure, and a heart-racing romance that will consume you, hold you captive, and leave you wanting more.”

2) Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake

This book is the first in a five book series about three royal sisters raised to battle it out for the throne. I must admit the first book in the series is a little lackluster due to the fact that it’s setting up a lot but the second book just blows everything out of the water in a fantastic way. This series is dark and bloody and intriguing. I got completely hooked on this series and it brought out a lot of emotion to the point where I was gasping and shouting and throwing my book around as I was reading it (I got very invested)! I think that’s one of the things SJM can do well is get you hooked on her characters and Kendare can do the same (if not better). I love the dynamic between the sisters, this book does a great job at exploring the darker side of familial and female/female relationships (mostly platonic.. there isn’t very much queer rep unfortunately) that I really appreciate. The magic system and wolrdbuliding are also something that I enjoyed and I though was quite well done. Kendare does a good job at weaving in worldbuilding and magic system seamlessly into the story and I love that so much. Three Dark Crowns is just a fun and exciting series that I think anyone who loves fantasy YA should check out!

Synopsis: “ In every generation on the island of Fennbirn, a set of triplets is born—three queens, all equal heirs to the crown and each possessor of a coveted magic. Mirabella is a fierce elemental, able to spark hungry flames or vicious storms at the snap of her fingers. Katharine is a poisoner, one who can ingest the deadliest poisons without so much as a stomachache. Arsinoe, a naturalist, is said to have the ability to bloom the reddest rose and control the fiercest of lions.

But becoming the Queen Crowned isn’t solely a matter of royal birth. Each sister has to fight for it. And it’s not just a game of win or lose…it’s life or death. The night the sisters turn sixteen, the battle begins.

The last queen standing gets the crown. “

3) The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

So a little disclaimer, this book is one of my favorite fantasy books of all time. I read it over the span of a few months last summer (its a long one guys...800+ pages) and it was one of the greatest, most well thought out fantasy books I’d ever had the pleasure of reading. I loved the characters, the world, the plot, the magic system etc. I loved everything! There’s some great political intrigue, dragon riders, epic battles, prophecies, weddings, funerals, romance and just general badassery and kickassery happening. Shannon clearly put so much time and effort into this book and it shows. That kind of dedication that shows is something that I really appreciate in a book, especially a fantasy book. Another aspect that I loved so so much is the diversity in this book. It came so naturally and didn’t at all feel like tokenism. The characters, with their differing genders, ethnicities, sexualities, ages, and nationalities etc, and their relationships with each other are truly what made the story. This book also has one of the BEST f/f romances I’ve ever read (as a queer woman I really loved that representation so much and felt very connected to both of those characters). Priory is a long one but if you have the time I highly recommend it.

Synopsis: “ A world divided. A queendom without an heir. An ancient enemy awakens.

The House of Berethnet has ruled Inys for a thousand years. Still unwed, Queen Sabran the Ninth must conceive a daughter to protect her realm from destruction – but assassins are getting closer to her door.

Ead Duryan is an outsider at court. Though she has risen to the position of lady-in-waiting, she is loyal to a hidden society of mages. Ead keeps a watchful eye on Sabran, secretly protecting her with forbidden magic.

Across the dark sea, Tané has trained to be a dragonrider since she was a child, but is forced to make a choice that could see her life unravel.

Meanwhile, the divided East and West refuse to parley, and forces of chaos are rising from their sleep. “

4) Truthwitch by Susan Dennard

As a queer woman, I’m always a little on edge when someone mentions f/f friendship in a book. This is entirely because of the erasure many many f/f romances experience when they are just brushed off as friendships (we’ve all heard the term “gal pals”). It’s frustrating and even though I love a good f/f friendship when the f/f romances get erased and replaced by friendships it gets exhausting. However, Truthwitch is a true f/f friendship that I can fully get behind! Dennard is an author that I had been following for writing tips for a while before I finally picked up her book. I knew that she’s someone who is invested in making her series diverse, even if she herself doesn’t fit into those categories, and accepts criticism because she want’s to do her characters justice. That’s something I really appreciate seeing from white cishet authors and is one of the reasons I picked up Truthwitch. It’s so much fun and the heart of the story truly is the relationship between the two leads Safi and Iseult. Their friendship reminds me a lot of my relationship with my friends. Books about f/f relationships (romantic or otherwise) are few and far between so I really love that this book exists. Strong platonic relationships are so often pushed aside for cishet romantic ones so it’s SO refreshing to see a series where the book would not exist without Safi and Iseult’s bond. They are truly soulmates and their relationship with each other is the most important one in their lives and that is just beautiful. Not to mention this book has got an awesome magic system and is building up to an amazing fantasy series! There’s pirates, priestesses, princes and, of course, witches! It’s loads of fun all around!

Synopsis: “ Young witches Safiya and Iseult have a habit of finding trouble. After clashing with a powerful Guildmaster and his ruthless Bloodwitch bodyguard, the friends are forced to flee their home.

Safi must avoid capture at all costs as she's a rare Truthwitch, able to discern truth from lies. Many would kill for her magic, so Safi must keep it hidden - lest she be used in the struggle between empires. And Iseult's true powers are hidden even from herself.

In a chance encounter at Court, Safi meets Prince Merik and makes him a reluctant ally. However, his help may not slow down the Bloodwitch now hot on the girls' heels. All Safi and Iseult want is their freedom, but danger lies ahead. With war coming, treaties breaking and a magical contagion sweeping the land, the friends will have to fight emperors and mercenaries alike. For some will stop at nothing to get their hands on a Truthwitch. “

5) Monstress by Marjorie Liu (Writer) and Sana Takeda (Illustrator) 

Another disclaimer! This book is my favorite graphic novel, period. There is really nothing like Monstress out there and I think that it’s criminally underrated. Liu and Takeda are the perfect combo of writer/artist to make this GN come together. I’m constantly in awe of the world, characters, and story Liu built and the frankly stunning art Takeda creates to go along with it. It’s steampunk and dark and dirty and beautiful. The lead character, Maika, is one of the few truly morally gray characters that I’ve read. Her decisions will make you question if you’re a good person because you still love her despite the fact that she just killed that guy... and that guy... and those other guys. This graphic novel series is very reflective of the dark animes (like Tokyo Ghoul and Castlevania) that we are seeing more recently and I personally believe Monstress would make a fantastic animated series if it were ever to get an adaption. This book has also some great representation of queer women (Maika herself is a queer, disabled, WoC). It’s totally the norm for the world and all of the lead female characters are queer, which I just love. This story has amazing woldbulding, magic, characters etc. It’ll give you everything from giant dead gods, to talking cats with multiple tails, to demonically possessed teenage girls who need to eat people. It’s honestly amazing. (I would give a major trigger warning for blood/gore so as long as you know you can handle that I think you should check it out!)

Synopsis: “ Set in an alternate matriarchal 1900's Asia, in a richly imagined world of art deco-inflected steam punk, MONSTRESS tells the story of a teenage girl who is struggling to survive the trauma of war, and who shares a mysterious psychic link with a monster of tremendous power, a connection that will transform them both and make them the target of both human and otherworldly powers. “

6) The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle L. Jensen

I never thought I would love a cishet romance as much as I love this one but here I am. The Bridge Kingdom is not really the kind of book I would normally pick up but it was on sale on kindle so I thought “why not!” And I was not disappointed. This story follows the assassin princess, Lara, who was raised to be married off to her fathers rival kingdom and kill the king. However, things get sticky when she begins to actually fall for the king and starts to realize that her father isn’t exactly who he says he is. Not only was this romance steamy as hell (this is an ADULT book folks so there are some explicit sex scenes, beware) but the world is super cool. The political intrigue was something I really enjoyed and I loved to see the world unfold from Lara’s eyes. I also totally loved Lara’s character. She’s complicated and cutthroat but ultimately want’s to do what’s right and is a character made to change and develop. I usually don’t go for that character trope that Lara fits into (beautiful and badass and despite being the MCs they somehow end up being very bland...) but Jensen managed to create a very mature and ever changing version of the YA trope that I ended up loving completely. If you love steamy fantasy romances with cool worlds and intriguing characters this is absolutely the book for you!

Synopsis: “ Lara has only one thought for her husband on their wedding day: I will bring your kingdom to its knees. A princess trained from childhood to be a lethal spy, Lara knows that the Bridge Kingdom represents both legendary evil - and legendary promise. The only route through a storm-ravaged world, the Bridge Kingdom controls all trade and travel between lands, allowing its ruler to enrich himself and deprive his enemies, including Lara's homeland. So when she is sent as a bride under the guise of fulfilling a treaty of peace, Lara is prepared to do whatever it takes to fracture the defenses of the impenetrable Bridge Kingdom.

But as she infiltrates her new home - a lush paradise surrounded by tempest seas - and comes to know her new husband, Aren, Lara begins to question where the true evil resides. Around her, she sees a kingdom fighting for survival, and in Aren, a man fiercely protective of his people. As her mission drives her to deeper understanding of the fight to possess the bridge, Lara finds the simmering attraction between her and Aren impossible to ignore. Her goal nearly within reach, Lara will have to decide her own fate: Will she be the destroyer of a king or the savior of her people? “

[thesaltofcarthage]

I finally get the anger about Thor: Ragnarok

I’ll admit it: I saw it the first time in the theatre and loved it, because it seemed funny and fresh. And it was absolutely what started me on the Thorki Spiral, which I hadn’t shipped before.

It was also where I really started to get emotionally invested in the MCU, and started plumbing more of the meta depths online, and understanding the character arcs beyond the plot arcs. And of course I’ve spent two years on this blue hellsite, enjoying the GIFs and the fics and the art.

But I didn’t actually rewatch the movie.

And last night I sat down to rewatch it, and... wow.

Wow, it is really not funny.

I recall reading a defense of Taika Waititi’s choices in this film, and how he is deconstructing colonialism and puncturing the White CisHet Male Hero myth, and I totally get all that. All the NZ/Aussie voices and aboriginal cultural influences are genuinely refreshing.

But I also recall reading Waititi’s casual dismissal of the Thor comic canon, and how he viewed Thor and Loki as “rich spoiled boys whining about their problems.” How he sees Loki as an “emo goth kid” who needs to grow up. How he deliberately ignored everything which had come before. And I recall reading about Hemsworth’s boredom with Noble Thor and how he longed to do more comedy.

The problem with Ragnarok is that Waititi views the protagonists as bad guys.

Bad Guys need to be punished. They need to lose.

I was intrigued by how Odin, by way of Hela, was framed as a conqueror, and how that part of history needed to be acknowledged and rejected. But: 1) Odin was already previously presented as a bad guy because of his shit parenting 2) the narrative re-rejects that point of view by redeeming him on the cliff in Norway just before his discorporation. Odin is never punished for his conquering rampages. He never has to acknowledge what he stole, or how he hurt people or entire cultures, or make reparations. He never has to admit what he did to Loki. He just gets to melt away and join Frigga.

In Waititi’s view, the White CisHet Male Heroes who think too much of themselves and need to be taken down a peg are... Thor and Loki. The title character and the canonically queer/pan/genderfluid outsider.

Yes, Thor and Loki are played by White CisHet Male actors. That does not make both characters White CisHet Males. (And let’s be clear: while there’s a lot of White CisHet Male Privilege going around which can certainly stand to be dismantled, “White CisHet Male” isn’t automatically equivalent to “evil jackass.” Thor’s identity as a White CisHet Male doesn’t mean that by definition the narrative has to break him.)

Loki was not a conqueror in the MCU — not the way Odin was. Loki’s “conquest” was canonically forced at the hand of the actual enemy, Thanos, who tortured and brainwashed him, and was controlling him via the Mind Stone.

Loki is not a colonizer. Loki is an outsider, an Other. He may present as White Cis Male, but he doesn’t have to, and he hasn’t always. There’s the wink from Jeff Goldblum and the implication that Loki was sleeping with him to “gain his favor,” but this is presented as more of a joke on Loki than anything else. And that’s what the entire narrative does: repeatedly make Loki the butt of the joke.

Poking fun at the people in power is a well-worn narrative device. Using humor to puncture legend, to remove power from people who claimed it illegitimately and at the expense of the less powerful, is a classic function of storytelling and should absolutely be celebrated.

Mocking Thor’s pompousness? Keeping him off-balance? Cutting his hair, having him whack himself in the head with Hulk’s sparring ball? Sure, why not. Because Thor is the hero. He is the center of the narrative. He is the one who has taken power and needs to learn to live without it to grow.

Except... that was the arc of the first Thor movie. Thor is not the arrogant shitheel he used to be. And Thor doesn’t grow or change in Ragnarok. There’s no character arc. He just... blithely sails on, pursuing what he thinks is right. Granted that what he claims to be pursuing is “saving the people of Asgard,” which is a noble and selfless goal, Thor personally doesn’t change. He’s as goofy and blustery in the post-credits stinger as he is in the pre-credits scene where he’s dangling in chains.

The only moment which can remotely be framed as “change and growth” is “Are you ‘Thor, God of Hammers’?” Which, again, could have been really powerful, as Thor learned that he didn’t need the literal mark of Odin’s approval (a measure of his “worthiness”) to channel his divine powers, but it ended up being an admittedly kick-ass action scene. And he’s never shown as being utterly helpless without Mjolnir; the hammer is an excellent weapon, but not his only one.

And Loki? Loki doesn’t have power, not in the narrative sense. Loki didn’t rampage over entire realms, not of his own volition. He did not steal or kidnap. Loki was never in line for the throne; that is, again, the entire plot of the first Thor movie. Loki has nothing to puncture. Attacking someone in power to even the scales is justice. Attacking the powerless is just bullying.

Which is what it felt like Waititi was doing, over and over: bullying Loki. Dr. Strange, who has been studying sorcery for what, 18 months? can outwit Loki, who has been a seidmadr trained by the seidkona Frigga for over a thousand years? Strange sends Loki into a portal where he is falling for half an hour?

When did Loki fall last? Off the Bifrost. When he was committing suicide. When he was captured by Thanos, who then tortured him for six months.

Oh yes, that’s something to make fun of. But Waititi wouldn’t know that, would he, because he made a point of ignoring the characters’ histories.

Thor being casual, callous, even rude, to the beloved brother he thought had died in his arms years ago? Thor putting an electrical torture device on his beloved brother, the man he defended to the entire Avengers, the man he refused to surrender to Midgardian authorities, and leaving him there to suffer? Thor mocking his beloved brother, telling him he needs to change and grow? Loki is the bloody god of chaos. How is Loki the character who hasn’t grown and changed?

But Waititi wouldn’t know any of their past interactions, because he made a point of ignoring the characters’ histories.

Waititi just saw the most superficial possible reading of these two characters and assumed that they were ripe for punishment — that they needed to be reduced. Which is what he did, proudly. So when the fandom reacts and complains that he’s disrespecting beloved characters, what he hears is that we’re defending White CisHet Male Privilege.

Waititi thinks he dismantled two copies of Obidiah Stane. The fandom saw him bludgeoning Bisexual Steve Rogers, Pre- and Post-Serum. You don’t pick on the little guy. You don’t reduce your hero.

Thor and Loki’s rich and complex history, even just in the MCU, is completely ignored. It’s reduced to the throwaway line of “You faked your death” (which is not what happened) and “I mourned you! I cried for you!” and Thor’s anger that Loki managed to survive. Not relief that Loki is still alive, but offense. And if the script had explored that more — “Why did you pretend to be dead? Why did you hide in Odin’s guise? Why didn’t you find a way to let me know what happened? If you were hiding as Odin, why didn’t you act as Odin?” — I would even have bought that. There is, in fact, a lot to unpack there. But that would have meant exploring everything that happened off-screen between the Thor movies. It would have meant studying that history, acknowledging it, and expanding on it. And Waititi saw Two Spoiled Rich Kids and had no interest.

The problem with Ragnarok is not the humor, or the outsider perspective from a Maori director. The problem is that the creator chose the wrong targets. I have learned in the past two years how many fans have come to identify with Loki the outsider, and Waititi deliberately chose to remain ignorant of that aspect of the character. He created two strawman versions of the characters and proceeded to tear them apart.

I am less hopeful now for Thor: Love and Thunder than I was. I don’t know how important Jane Foster’s storyline is in the comics, but if he ignored Thor and Loki, it’s not unreasonable to imagine he’d ignore Jane’s history too. I may have defended Waititi’s Ragnarok before. I won’t do so again.

[alittlefrenchtree]

Aaaand we're back at it and things are getting serious.

SPOILERS DUNE (Book II : MUAD'DIB, Chapters 10-11)

Chapter 10:

For a unknown reason this,

has become "twenty kilometers" in the french translation. So it's not as big as I thought but it's still quite big.

So the apparent goal of the Fremen is to plant trees (how ironic for a Timmy movie 😁) but they have to do it secretly because... Because with trees there wouldn't be as much spice and people who control Arrakis don't want that? I'm trying to simplify a hypothesis here so I can start caring a bit more about the political plot of Dune. I don't know if it's true.

Did I already wonder if Arrakis was Earth? What is left of it anyway. With all that water deep underground, that could mean something but I haven't really paid attention to details for that theory.

I'm less interested to the first part of the quote, which feels quite common than by the second and the importance it give to individuals. I'm not sure what I think about it yet, but it's interesting. Tell me more, Stilgar.

I'm starting to like this guy.

Ok, I don't know if we didn't talk about this yet or if we did and I already forgot,

but I haven't paid attention to the words used to talk about the prophecy and if it ever mentions a boy or if it's a genderless word every time like child or offspring. I don't remember ever seeing anything about a boy? Because this Bene Gesserit is going to have another kid. And based on how much Star Wars is "inspired" of Dune, do I have to consider that the Chosen One is not the one we expected but someone else from his family? Will Paul go full dark side and is the young sister going to bring balance to the Force? We'll see.

There is something mentioned in this chapter and in the next one that intrigue me a lot:

and this:

I wonder if it's because on something on Arrakis, like the Spice or if someone purposely did something. And if so, who?

So. We need to talk about the end of this chapter. It is part of the answer I was looking for, isn't it? I think?

I really feel like these last couple of pages are a gift celebrating all of my birthdays at the same time so I couldn't be happier. I'm not sure it's going to be the most interesting thing to read but I'm going to try to rephrase all that it says about prescience to sort my thoughts out and be sure I have understood everything.

So first, future in the Dune universe is not predefined timelines set in stone. Paul sees some of them, maybe too much of them for them to all be intelligible for him (yet?) but there are too many, each of them able to sprout from the tiniest changes, including one I hadn't considered before but that is very clever. Which is that, every time Paul accesses to prescience, he makes the future shifts by this very access to prescience.

But, even more amazing amazingness:

Quantum mechanics!! Remember when I was obsessed with it a few months back? Now I have the perfect excuse to make time to read about quantum mechanics again 😍 I'm so happy 😭

Edit: couldn't help myself and start reading about Heisenberg indeterminacy and omg it's amazing and it's even more amazing used it at a way to illustrate prescience. For those who understand French and are interested, I recommend this short and easy access video. But is exactly what's happening with Paul. Future reacts to him like quantum particles react to light. Why are quantum mechanics always so amazing? 😭

But let's go back a few lines above because:

First, Herbert was brillant for using the lexical field of water to talk about Paul's visions of the future. I mean it says it all by itself, isn't it? And secondly, am I supposed to read there that the blind spots of prescience are directly born from fear and that the litany is here to make the blindness go away or, to make the subject survive through blindness or am I not? Like when it says Fear is a mind killer, it isn't just a way of speaking, a psychological thing but a way of saying Fear makes you lose your prescience capacity?

And,

I absolutely love to see stillness making a comeback with an image close that what I have in mind. I can't wait to see what it will look like on screen. Given what I saw of Villeneuve's work already and the second Dune trailer, I trust him completely with this part. The inspiration is going to be amazing, the fan arts are going to be amazing, everything is going to be amazing.

I love and admire Herbert a lot for what he has done here with the end of this chapter and prescience in general. Trying to explain how a brain can apprehend concepts and principles that are too big, beyond everything that can normally be grasped by a human mind. Feeling the brain expands as it tries. Accept concepts that are opposite, contradictory even and still both true. It's really the kind of things I was expecting when I start reading so I'm very happy to see it deliver (and i need even more of it).

Chapter 11:

I was talking about religion vs propaganda last time and how maybe it wasn't that different for some aspects but... Bene Gesserit are religious people aren't they? I mean Jessica does pray. I don't know what or who she prays but she believes in the power of it.

"If I could only pray -- truly pray."

And by this truly pray, I suspect it's not only a matter of belief but the prayer does have real power. I'm-- confused about what kind of beliefs BG has given (more or less willingly) to Fremen (and probably other people around the universe as well). Is the religion only based on Bene Gesserit's powers? Is it a religion they believe in themselves? And for what purpose? Only create safe places for themselves or something else?

I also wonder why Chani is helping Paul so much as well? The guy just show up from nowhere and she already gives him tips to help him kill one of her people. It's weird.

Of course there are so many parts of the fight that made me go omg I can't wait to see Timmy play this. Gimme the fighting machine trained since the day he was born.

The after-fight is really interesting:

"Jessica stared at her son. Paul's were bright. He breathed heavily, permitting the ministration to his body rather than helping them."

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

This kid is going to be the death of me, isn't he? But Jessica bringing him down right after is kind of funny. From a semi-god to a child in one quick mental slap of his mother 😁

I've already talked about the tiny jumping mouse Muad'dib but it's really amazing. I wasn't expecting that at all. I'm guessing the mouse will have a bigger purpose at some point? No sure. What I'm really wondering is if I should expect Paul to go full Anakin on me? Wait. Oh. OH. Jessica is the one bringing him down so he doesn't grow so full of himself for killing opposants but what if she's gone? What if she dies, like Anakin's mom and, like for Anakin, the mom's death is one of the first steps leading the son to dark side? Damn. We see there are several futures where people walking behind Paul or the Atreides and setting worlds of fire (and not planting trees, obviously). It goes without saying that I would love, love to see Timmy plays a character who go dark side. Not sure if it will be the case here, but it could be interesting.

Ok, it's already long enough with only two chapters so I'm going to stop this for now. I have to read first anyway. See ya! 🌖💛