#and focus on his illness makes him really one-dimensional (at least from how i feel he will be characterized) and makes his death seem

[viir-tanadhal]

i haven't even seen control and i already know on principle i have issues with it

[tedcruzisthezodiackiller]

“all queer media is one dimensional, tropey, mass market, and made for teenagers-” not true. look harder

Memorial: Mike and Benson have been together for a few years and are in the middle of determining if they're going to stay together when Mike learns that his estranged father is terminally ill, and goes to Japan to reconcile with him before his death. meanwhile Mike’s mother stays with Benson in the US. my favorite part of the novel was the part in Japan, exploring the relationship between Mike and his father (TW for racism and abuse) 

the luminous dead: w/w romance between a spelunker on a mission on an alien planet and the women who hired her for unknown reasons, who’s stationed on the surface and communicates with the mc through her high-tech caving suit. toxic but intriguing romance, killing eve and TMA fans you will enjoy this (TW for graphic descriptions of injury) 

The Vanished Birds: explores a society that was created after the Earth has been environmentally destroyed and humanity has moved onto space stations, and all space travel and commerce is controlled by corporations. queerness isn’t the focus of this book but many of the main characters are queer. beautiful writing, will make you super depressed in the best way (TW for child abuse) 

The Color Purple: Celie is separated from her sister in childhood when she’s forced into an abusive marriage by her father, but she continues to write to her over the years. an important part of the novel is the relationship that develops between Celie and her husband’s lover Shug. what I love about this book is that its an important look at misogynoir and abuse of vulnerable people, but Celie ultimately gets her happy ending. (TW for abuse, racism, sexual assault, incest) 

The Miseducation of Cameron Post: the first half chronicles the early life of Cameron, a closeted lesbian growing up in rural Montana in the 90′s. the second half is about Cameron’s experience in a conversion camp. I love the writing of this book, it’s very atmospheric. I felt like I could picture Cameron’s town in my sleep. (TW for conversion therapy, homophobia, self-harm) 

boys run the riot: manga, a trans boy who wants to work in men’s fashion one day works with two of his classmates to design and create a clothing line. I’ve only read the first volume so I cant speak on the series as a whole. the MC is only out to some people, so he gets misgendered and still wears the girls’ uniform in school. this might be difficult for some people to read, although there isn’t too much overt transphobia if I remember correctly (at least in the first volume)

The 57 bus: nonfiction, follows the stories of an agender teen who experienced a hate crime, and the boy who attacked them. A tough read, but a really important look at the justice system, racism, transphobia, and restorative justice (TW for transphobia and homophobia, violence, depictions of police and the justice system) 

our dreams at dusk: manga series about an LGBT+ center in Japan. follows gay, trans, and asexual characters. an interesting look at queer issues in Japan. also the art is gorgeous (TW for homophobia and transphobia) 

in the dream house: memoire about the author’s experience in an abusive sapphic relationship. super important, as abuse in queer relationships is so seldom talked about. hard to read but the writing is very lyrical and poetic, and beautiful (TW for abuse) 

ask the passengers:  mc is a girl who’s falling in love with another girl, while staying closeted from her gay friends because she’s not sure how to identify. the gimmick of the book is that the mc talks about her problems to airplanes in the sky, and this magically touches the lives of the people in the planes. I felt this part of the book was goofy and honestly I think it would be better without it, but I remember that the journey the mc goes through regarding her sexuality made me feel very seen (TW for homophobia) 

king and the dragonflies: written by the author of Felix Ever After. the rest of his books deserve an equal amount of attention. middlegrade, about a boy dealing with the death of his brother and coming to terms with his sexuality. I liked the relationship between King and his family. they weren’t super homophobic but they also weren’t completely accepting at first either, it felt like a very realistic and healthy depiction of a family (TW for homophobia, racism, child abuse) 

haven’t personally read, on my tbr: Giovanni’s Room, Nevada, Stone Butch Blues, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, My Cat Yugoslavia, My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness 

“queer media is all boring period pieces and people getting divorced and experiencing horrible homophobia and tragedy-” not true. look harder

The Magic Fish: graphic novel, a young Vietnamese-American boy reads fairy tales with his mother to help her practice her english, and searches for a way to come out to her. some of my favorite art in a graphic novel, look it up its stunning

Honeygirl: going through quarter life crises and unsure of what to do after earning her PhD, the mc goes to vegas and ends up getting drunkenly married to a woman she doesnt know. the mc’s relationship with academia was very relatable to me 

whatever: basically just about the mc fucking around with his friends, being in a band, and discovering that hes gay. a lot of fun, love the characters

anything by Alice oseman: Alice Oseman is the only person I trust to write about the fandom experience in YA fiction. my personal fave is iwbft. disclaimer: I haven’t read solitaire, cant say whether its good or gay

Ivy Aberdeen’s Letter to the World: middlegrade, Ivy’s family’s home is destroyed by a tornado, and shes also dealing with the fact that she’s realizing she’s a lesbian. some internalized homophobia, but everyone in Ivy’s life is really accepting and its very sweet

my love mix-up: manga, mc has a crush on a girl in his class and asks to borrow her eraser, and sees the name of a different boy written on it (this is a popular love charm in Japan). boy #2 sees the mc holding the eraser, and thinks HE has a crush on HIM. very wholesome and funny, and one of the few times I’ve read a manga that actually allows a character to have crushes on people of multiple genders. it deals with homophobia in some cases, which makes it feel grounded in reality, but all of the mc’s friends are very accepting, and its very cute. 

The Tarot Sequence: urban fantasy set in a modern magical society, mc is the heir to a family of the magical aristocracy, but since his family was killed he’s fallen from grace, is broke, and works as a mercenary for other powerful families. he tries to unravel the mystery of his family’s death on the side. m/m romance and found family. love the characters and the world building, and the author is planning for this to be a NINE book series. next book is coming out May 2022!! (TW for sexual assault) 

In Other Lands: mc gets recruited to go to magical summer camp, except he’s genre-savvy, hates fighting, and misses technology. super funny satire of portal fantasy books, but will also have you aching for the mc? elliot schafer my beloved 

havent personally read, on my tbr: a hero at the end of the world, the poster children, tell me how you really feel, heavy vinyl

we absolutely do have a long way to go in regards to queer representation, but it frustrates me to no end when I see post claiming that queer fiction is all one specific type of story. there are lots of queer creators out there writing unique, thoughtful, beautiful stories who deserve our support! if theres a particular type of queer fiction you would like to see, do a little digging because its likely that SOMETHING similar exists. it just doesnt exist on like disney+

also @lgbtqreads is an incredible resource, if you want to read something gay and have a specific genre or type of story in mind I highly recommend looking around on their blog 

additional recommendations welcome!

[sxypigeon]

Shepard is done with everyone's bullshit

Chapter 2 of An Extra Extended Ending

Summary: Because I hated the ending of the third Mass Effect game so much, I made my own with black jack and hookers. FemShep x Liara with damn near every character is the third game making an appearance.

Chapter 1

***

“How long until communications can reach beyond Sol?”

“It’s unclear,” the asari comm technician said hesitantly; the hum of the ship's electronics seemed to grow in the silence. “Quantum communication seems to be unsalvageable. That just leaves the Sol relay, but our latest reports indicate it sustained damage from the firing of the crucible.”

Sparatus sighed heavily and closed his eyes; this was a hollow victory until he knew the fate of Palaven. “Is there anyone working on it now?”

“No, sir. Those reports only came in minutes ago.”

“What about the team working on the crucible?” Tevos asked. “The brightest minds in the galaxy would have the best chance of fixing it – the sooner the better.” The asari councilor paced around a circular display in the middle of the CIC of the Destiny Ascension looking every bit as impatient as her turian colleague.

“They may be able to, but there is another group we would be foolish to ignore,” Valern muttered quietly, staring at the three dimensional screen, watching the number of surviving ships increase slowly as communication was reestablished ship-by-ship.

“What are you . . .” A look of alarm crossed Sparatus’ face. “No,” the turian said stiffly as he pushed himself away from the display.

“Is it really that terrifying of an idea? It’s only a matter of time before the geth come back online. If we act soon, we may be able to keep our alliance with them intact, maybe even strengthen it.” The salarian folded his arms across his chest and eyed Sparatus intently.

He narrowed his eyes. “Or they may turn on us the moment they realize they have nothing more to gain from our alliance. It’s one thing to cooperate when there is no choice, but what would be their incentive now?”

Valern shook his head condescendingly. “The geth are not as shortsighted as you think.” He brought up the pre-fight fleet numbers. “If even a fraction of their troops survived, it would be in their best interest to repair the relays,” he stated firmly, pointing at the image. “They value knowledge above all else and what better source is there than the relays?”

“This isn’t the first time we’ve come in contact with an AI species. There is too much at risk,” Tevos said quietly from across the room. “If we act quickly-”

“We’ll what? Destroy all of the units in Sol?” Valern shouted over the asari councilor. “How many more do you think are out there? We’d be risking another war - one we are ill prepared for.”

“And you want to send them to work on the relay?! What happens when they acquire the knowledge they seek? What’s to stop them from using it against the rest of the galaxy?” Sparatus marched back to the display and brought up images of the Citadel attack nearly four years earlier. “This is what will happen. They have no use for organics. They made that abundantly clear!”

The salarian councilor shook his head in frustration. “We know how persuasive the Reapers can be and yet even after being attacked by the quarians and being on the verge of annihilating them, they agreed to a truce. These are not simple machines, Sparatus!”

“Why are you so convinced?” Tevos asked suspiciously. She walked slowly around the display toward him. “You were vocally against curing the genophage, why is this different?” She fixed on him with a penetrating stare. “What aren’t you telling us?”

Valern scoffed at the accusation. “I see I’m alone in my conviction. What more can I say to either of you?” With a last impatient glare at his colleagues, the salarian turned and strode from the room. “If not as an act of the Council, then as an act of the salarian people, the geth will be brought back online!” he called back as the door closed behind him.

A tense silence followed Valern and lingered long after he left. “Do we even know if any of the science team is still in Sol?” Sparatus asked quietly while bracing himself on the terminal in front of him.

“No, but we will know soon enough,” she said before sending out the call for help.

***

Spirits, it’s a miracle she survived, the head nurse thought as he wheeled the patient out of surgery. At least it’s a bit of good news . . . Sure could use a bit more, though.

A sea of medics split to allow the turian and human through the bustling ward. Endless lines of beds on either side of the walkway were filled with too many injured, too many that would not last the next twenty-four hours. That’s not- No, I can’t think like that. There’s too much to do to focus on something so trivial. You’re in charge of this ward, damn it! You have lives to save. . .

He squeezed the gurney between two others and began setting up IVs and monitoring equipment. I need to make my rounds soon. We should be getting another shipment of refugees from the Citadel soon- He froze and stared at the patient. She’s not supposed to be waking up yet! “Ma’am, can you hear me?” he asked, staring down at her.

The woman drowsily blinked for a moment before lifting her eyes and focusing on the turian . . . and letting out a sudden, terrified scream. “AHHHH!!!”

Damn it, not again. “Ma’am, it’s okay. You’re aboard the Destiny Ascension.” Another blood-curdling scream. “Ma’am, you’re safe! You were injured-”

“Hey! That’s enough!” Both quickly looked over to the next bed and saw the occupant giving them a stern glare. “I know turians are ugly, but you’re going to make the guy self-conscious if you keep up the screaming.”

The woman stared, gaping at the other patient, long enough for the nurse to inject a sedative into her IV. “There you go, ma’am. Just relax.” They watched tensely as the woman quickly sank bonelessly back into her pillow. Finally. I’m not going to live this down any time soon, he thought as other orderlies snickered as they passed.

“So, who do I need to talk to to get out of here?” the other patient asked after a moment.

“Myself,” he said as he finished setting up the sleeping woman’s monitoring equipment. “Is there somewhere you need to be?”

“I figured you could use another empty bed.”

“What I need is for my patients to recover sufficiently, regardless of how much they think otherwise.” He walked over to the patient and looked at her chart. Human female, numerous serious burns, deep puncture wound to the right side, three fractured ribs – well this just goes on and on. “How are you feeling, ma’am?”

“Fantastic,” she said dryly inspecting the bandages on her hands and arms. “The pain meds wore off a while ago – No! No, I’m not asking for more.”

“If you need them-”

The patient shook her head. “I’m okay. I just,” she paused for a moment and chose her words carefully, “I need to be doing something. I can’t just lay here and – and think. Just give me a once over before you make me stay . . . please.”

He recognized the quiet desperation in her voice and the pleading in her eyes. “Fine.” With a healthy amount of skepticism, the turian gently unwrapped the bandages on her left arm. That can’t be right- He checked the chart again. How the hell? Humans aren’t supposed to heal this quickly. This is more in line with a krogan . . . maybe even faster.

“It’s not pretty, but it’s still better than it was before,” she said quietly, examining the slightly inflamed skin.

“Remarkable is what it is.” He unbandaged the other arm and stared in numb disbelief. “There has to be some sort of mistake in your chart-”

“I think you’ll find my side is sufficiently healed as well.”

The nurse met her piercing stare before pulling back the blanket and lifting her hospital gown. Spirits . . . this is incredible, he thought after removing the gauze. “How is this possible? Even if you spent the last six hours in a vat of medi-gel, you wouldn’t be able to heal this quickly.”

“I’m not exactly a normal human.” The ward around them moved on, unaware of the medical anomaly the head nurse was observing. “So what do you think?” she asked hesitantly.

I think the galaxy needs to study you, but . . . you don’t belong in the ICU. “I can see no justification for keeping you here, but we’re going to need to get you fed and cleaned up before you can go anywhere.” He noted the change in her status in her chart, shaking his head in disbelief as he did. “I’ll send someone over with a meal.”

“Thank you.”

He turned to leave but stopped, hesitating a moment. “Ma’am . . . everything you’ve done – everyone you’ve saved . . . there aren’t words strong enough to convey the gratitude we – I feel toward you. Thank you, Commander.”

The soldier nodded numbly, not meeting his eyes.

But it never feels like enough, he thought sadly. Stay strong, Shepard. I fear we may need you now more than ever.

***

“-he’s going-”

“No, it’s-”

“Where-”

A sharp radiating pain drilled between the exhausted asari’s eyes as distant voices became clear. “It all looks fine, no permanent damage. You are cleared for duty.”

Dr. Chakwas, the med bay. . . the crash. . . Shepard. . .

“Liara? Can you hear me?”

With an enormous effort, she opened her eyes. “Yes,” she rasped out. Her throat was so dry.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not at all well.” She rolled onto her side trying to lessen the pain.

“This should help.”

Something wonderful flowed through her veins, dulling the agony. “Where are we?” she asked tentatively.

“Armstrong nebula, but beyond that no one is sure. They say the planet is habitable though, with a breathable atmosphere and a comfortable gravity.” She helped Liara sit up and handed her a bottle of water. “Finish this and then get some rest.”

She gulped it down gratefully as worry began to sink in. “Do you know what happened to us?”

“Not really,” the doctor admitted. “Whatever that energy field was, it left no physical trace other than several cases of acute epistaxis – nosebleed.” She handed Liara another bottle of water. “Your case was a bit worse, likely due to trying to help the engineers restart the core for over an hour with your biotics.”

Liara sighed tiredly, staring at the bottle, “Not that it did any good. Have we been able to reach anyone back in Sol?”

“I’m afraid not. Specialist Traynor thinks the quantum communication network is beyond repair. We will have to rely on the relays and hope someone is out there to hear us.” The doctor let her cheery façade slip for a moment, long enough to hint at the extent of the worry she was trying to hide. It slid back into place as Chakwas laid a hand on Liara’s shoulder. “Get some rest, I’ll wake you if anything changes.”

But will it ever? she thought as she stared up at the ceiling, feeling the numbing darkness pull her back under.

***

“This has got to be the most confusing hell-hole I’ve ever been to.”

“What’s so confusing about it, Mr. Vega?” Steve Cortez asked as he finished his lukewarm MRE.

“It’s not the layout or anything like that – it’s the people.” Vega pushed himself gingerly off the cot on the floor of a mostly intact office building and pulled the bottle of water from the shuttle pilot’s hands. “Thanks, Estaban. It’s like no one can tell what they’re supposed to be feeling,” he muttered, flexing his injured leg.

Cortez took back his water and scanned the area. Roughly five miles from where the beam had been in central London, a small outpost had been hastily established to tend to the injured. Understaffed and undersupplied, it was not a place of miraculous medical operations, but a last-ditch effort to save as many survivors as possible – including James Vega. “After months of hopelessness, there is plenty to be thankful for . . . and just as much to mourn for.”

“It just feels – shit, I don’t know. Maybe it’s all of that blood I lost on the trek over here, but this just feels wrong. Javik, what’s your read on the situation?”

The prothean did not move from his meditative stance across the room. “Your species celebrates prematurely and mourns before the heaviest of losses are counted.” He paused for a moment before bowing his head slightly, “But even with these flaws, it is your cycle that stopped the Reapers – whether for good or just temporarily. That is more than what can be said of my cycle.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Vega said tiredly. “Do you think – what set off the crucible?”

A sad smile pulled at Cortez’s lips, “Until I hear otherwise, I’m going to believe Shepard did.”

“I’m okay with that,” the lieutenant said as he laid back down. He was out within minutes.

“How is the human krogan?” Javik asked without moving.

Cortez rubbed his face roughly as he tried to shake the melancholy brought on by the thought of Shepard. “The medics think he’ll make it.”

“Good, our efforts dragging him here were not in vain,” the prothean said sternly. “Do not lose your determination – the fight may be over, but your people will need you and Vega.”

“That goes for you too, Javik. You’re one of us now. We aren’t about to forget what you’ve done to help us.”

Javik bowed his head in acknowledgement, but remained silent.

We’re going to need everyone, Cortez thought as he stared around the room at the other cots filled with injured soldiers. I just hope there’s enough of a galaxy left worth rebuilding.

***

“So what you’re saying is we’re screwed.”

“Not entirely,” Tali said hesitantly as Garrus and Williams stared up at the motionless mass effect core in despair. “What we’re saying is that it will take a while, a few weeks at least.”

“Assuming it’s fixable at all,” Williams said skeptically.

“I’m not saying it will be easy, Commander,” Adams said calmly, “but I think we’ll be able to get it up and running again.”

“That’s better than nothing,” Garrus offered.

Williams took a breath and nodded. “Okay, I’ll inform the crew,” she said before heading to the elevator.

“How is she doing?” Daniels asked as they all stared back at the core.

“She’s managing,” Garrus said quietly. “She still doesn’t know if she can fill the void Shepard left, but she knows she has to.”

“No one can replace Shepard, but that wasn’t ever the plan was it?” Tali asked.

“No, but it’s going to feel that way for a while – at least until we get a rhythm going,” Donnelly said. “Any luck with EDI?”

“Not yet.” Garrus headed toward the elevator. “I’ll let you know if we make contact with anyone. Let us know if there’s anything we can do topside.”

***

“Watch the right flank!” Grunt roared over the gunfire. He and his men were deep in the wards flushing out and dispatching Cerberus troops. “Take out that engineer!”

It was slow, grueling work. Street by street, building by building, the enemy was steadily falling back. They’d even managed to save a few civilians. It wasn’t their primary goal, but it did give him a sense of pride knowing he prevented someone’s death by causing another’s.

“Move up!” They were meeting fewer and fewer troops until recently, not that it bothered him. What worried him was the number of engineers they’d come across in this neighborhood. Something was brewing.

“Keep an eye out for explosives and turrets,” he growled as the last enemy fell. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

The squad moved carefully from the courtyard to the building interior. No resistance, no one at all. What are we missing? Cowards, where are you hiding?

“Let’s get out of here,” he ordered before they’d finished securing the building. “Double-time it!” This smells like a trap.

“What was that?!” one of his men yelled as the building shook violently.

Shooting out a window, Grunt bellowed, “Get out of the building NOW!” His men leaped from the window three stories up. The krogan commander followed and landed hard on the walkway below just as the building collapsed. “Those damn cowards,” he growled. “They’ll have to do better than that!”

***

I can’t wait to get off of this fucking ship. At least the food is decent – I am beyond sick of MREs. Jack checked her omni-tool for the fourth time in five minutes. What the hell is taking so long?

After arriving with an unconscious Shepard, she watched uneasily as her friend was wheeled away to surgery. The next hour was a blur of confusion, exhaustion, and anxiety. At some point she’d managed to sleep for a few hours. Now she was an irritable and short tempered ball of energy, desperate to get back to Earth and her kids.

“Keep that up and people will think you’re unbalanced,” a soft voice said behind her.

“Fuck you,” Jack said with a hint of relief. “I can’t believe they let you out. I mean – you still look like shit.”

“Thank you, Jack. You always know how to cheer me up.” Shepard sat next to the biotic with her protein bar and electrolyte drink. “What’s going on?”

“Who the fuck knows?” She stared at the table in front of her. “No communication outside of the system, Grunt is still securing the Citadel, still no word on my kids or the Normandy.”

“Earth?”

“Bits and pieces. Nothing yet on your boys in London.” She watched Shepard eat mechanically, stoic to the lack of information.

“I have to meet with the council and then after that, hopefully we can catch a shuttle back to London.”

“When’s the meeting?”

“Whenever I feel like it.”

About damn time you started telling those spineless fuckers where they can shove it. She stared at the softly glowing scars on her face and neck. Someone hasn’t been thinking happy thoughts. “So are we going to dick around here for a while to piss them off?”

She shook her head after she finished the last of the meal. “There are a few things I need to say before they start another victory tour. I’m going to need you there to keep me in check.”

A small snort of laughter escaped Jack, “You’re shitting me, right?”

Shepard stood and gave her a tight smile. “Let’s just say I’m a little short on patience at the moment.”

“Well, shit. I might have to film this.” She followed the commander with a sinister grin. “Let’s go make some councilors cry.”

***

“I don’t know what else there is to try,” Traynor said tiredly. “My expertise is on a smaller scale. I don’t know how to fix a comm problem on a galactic scale!”

Williams leaned on the terminal that had been Shepard’s in the CIC. “A galactic scale? What does that mean?”

The comms specialist ran her hands through her hair. “There are a couple of possibilities. First, we are the only survivors and that is why we haven’t reached anyone-”

“Let’s not go with that possibility.”

“Okay. Second, something is actively blocking our communications – natural or otherwise.”

“Reapers blocking communication,” the lieutenant commander said stoically.

“Or third, the mass relays are not functioning properly, due to damage or complete destruction.”

“From the crucible firing.” The CIC was silent as Williams contemplated the scenarios. “And none of these can be fixed while we’re stuck here.”

“No, ma’am.”

What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?! Damn you, Shepard. It should be you here not me. “Let’s focus on the small scale then. What can we do to get the Normandy space worthy again?”

Traynor stared at the nonfunctional galaxy map as she bit her lip. “There are still several systems that haven’t come online that should have by now. There’s the exterior damage and then there’s EDI.”

“What’s the status of EDI?”

“Completely unresponsive.”

“Shit,” Williams muttered. “Do we have any idea how to get her back up?”

Traynor was silent for a moment. “I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure if they’d do any good. When Dr. T’Soni feels up to it, I’d like to get her input.”

“She was still passed out in the med bay last I checked.” She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. “Do what you can to bring up the other systems – keep me updated.”

***

“How are you holding up?”

Joker looked away from the foliage surrounding the cockpit and saw Garrus approaching. “Great,” he said sarcastically. “Crashed the ship, cracked four ribs, and my girlfriend might be dead. How about you?”

“I’m alive, that’s more than I expected to be honest.” He dropped into the seat next to the pilot. “In large part thanks to you.”

The pilot looked away. “Yeah don’t get too gushy yet. We may have to start calling this place home even if we can get the Normandy off the ground.”

“If that’s the case,” Williams said as she approached, “then I think our first priority should be finding something growing out there that can be distilled before we run out of liquor.”

“Good to know we’re on the same page,” Garrus chuckled. “I don’t suppose we know if what’s growing out there is levo- or dextro-amino based.”

“If we distill it enough it shouldn’t matter,” Joker said, staring back out at the jungle. “No protein in pure ethanol.”

Williams shared a concerned look with Garrus before speaking behind the pilot’s chair. “I’ve been talking to Traynor – she has some ideas on how to bring EDI back. Once Liara is up and about she and Traynor can start working on her.”

Joker continued staring out of the window as if he didn’t hear her. “Okay,” he finally said quietly.

***

Finally, Tevos thought as Shepard stepped through the open door. She looks much better, but are her scars glowing? “Shepard, we were beginning to worry. Who is your companion?”

The Spectre stood at parade rest in front of the asari while her comrade remained near the door. “Jack, this is the council. Councilors Tevos and Sparatus, meet Jack – a teacher at Grissom Academy. She’s here to . . . keep an eye on me while I’m recovering.”

A snort of laughter escaped the other human as she folded her arms across her chest. Shepard always did keep strange company.

“May I inquire where the salarian councilor is?” Shepard asked soberly.

“Valern has decided he would be more comfortable aboard a salarian ship,” Sparatus said stiffly. “That is part of why we needed to speak with you.”

Tevos activated the display at the center of the room showing an image of the Sol relay, it’s rings fractured and stationary. “It would seem the relays were damaged when the crucible fired. We have many of the crucible scientists working to repair it, but there’s been discussion about whether other groups should be recruited to help.”

“Why would we not ask everyone to fix it?” Shepard asked with a slight edge to her voice.

“This is the most advanced technology in the galaxy,” the turian said briskly. “In the wrong hands, this knowledge could endanger all of us.”

“So who hasn’t been invited to the party, the salarians?”

“No, the geth.”

Shepard frowned as she mauled over the information. “The geth are still alive?”

“They were never alive to begin with, Shepard. At the moment all units are offline,” Sparatus said, staring at the display. “Valern thinks they can be activated and recruited to help with repairs.”

Shepard fought to keep her face neutral. “Why not ask for their help? From where I’m standing, it looks like we could use all the help we can get. Don’t forget the rachni, they’ve also been proven to be very capable and intelligent.”

How does she not see the risks associated with her ideas? “Are you listening to a word you’re saying, Shepard? With the galaxy weakened as it is, it would take very little to change the balance of power and throw us all into another war.” Tevos turned and began to pace. “Caution is needed now more than ever,” she said as she stopped in front of the Spectre.

Shepard closed her eyes and let out a slow breath – her scars seeming to brighten as she did. “Are you suggesting we sever the alliances that we – no, what am I saying? – that I forged to win this war-”

“There’s a difference between having an alliance and handing out loaded weapons that could be pointed back at us,” Sparatus interrupted.

Despite remaining still, the marine radiated anger, enough to make the armed guards perk up. “If you intend on backstabbing your allies, then yes you will have something to worry about.”

“Commander, your vision of the galaxy is naïve,” Tevos stated impatiently. “You of all people should know what the risks associated with-”

Shepard barked out a laugh, breaking her immobile stance. She shook her head in exasperation. “I’m sorry, Councilor, but I can’t buy into the idea that I’m the naïve one. How long do you think it will take for the galaxy to find out your people have been hiding the best preserved prothean beacon in existence? Do you honestly think you will be able to remain the superior race? If it’s any comfort, I don’t think you will have to worry about the rest of the galaxy, I think your own people will be the ones to tear down your species. How many thousands of years have the asari been lied to, Councilor? Was that a risk worth taking?”

Tevos clenched her jaw as she fought her own anger. “And do you honestly think the galaxy will be better off without our guidance? Will the geth lead the way to the future or will it be the humans?” she asked acidly.

“I’d like to see what the galaxy can do together,” she said evenly. “But we can’t do that if we start severing alliances without just cause.”

Sparatus leaned over the galaxy map. “Shepard, what you’re saying is inspiring, but you can’t protect the galaxy with idealism,” he said standing beside Tevos. “The asari government will have to answer for their crimes, but what the galaxy needs now is stability . . . and someone they can stand behind-”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Shepard spat. Behind her, Jack was muttering loudly about spineless politicians. “I’m not about to smile and assure the galaxy everything is fine,” she explained as she also leaned over the map, “while you screw them over when they’re not looking.” Shepard glared at Sparatus. “If that’s what’s expected of me as a Spectre then you’ll have to accept my resignation.”

“This isn’t a matter of right or wrong, Shepard!” he said with fire in his eyes. “This is about saving our galaxy and preventing a complete collapse of the community!”

Shepard took a step back and shook her head again. “A little honesty and accountability could go a long way, Councilor. We are all vulnerable, but we have an opportunity to make all of us stronger than we were before this war!” Shepard turned back to Tevos, “The galaxy will stand behind me regardless of if you want them to or not. The question is whether you’ll be standing with us or on your own.”

The drone of the ventilation system filled the room as Shepard turned and headed to the door. “How many billions died because of the decisions you’ve made?” she asked as she paused at the door. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to-” She turned to face them. “You had four years to prepare, but none of you did a damn thing. But this guilt doesn’t just belong to either of you, though. It’s just as much mine for not doing more, for not – for not-”

“Shepard, let’s go,” Jack said quietly.

“For the sake of the galaxy, I do hope there will be a change in the balance of power.” She followed Jack out of the room without a second glance.

“That went well,” the turian muttered tiredly. “If there’s nothing else, I too would like to be with my people.” He left without waiting for a reply.

The asari councilor remained unmoving long after they left, contemplating Shepard’s words and the fate of her race. Things will never be the same again . . .

***

“They have hundreds of civilians in the buildings ahead,” the krogan scout reported to Grunt.

The commander and his men were camped out in a maintenance tunnel roughly fifteen blocks away from the Cerberus stronghold. “What defenses will we face?”

“Portable barriers and too many turrets to count. A direct approach will be nearly impossible.”

Grunt narrowed his eyes and contemplated his next move. “It looks like we’ll be needing stealth then.” Several of his men shook their heads and growled impatiently. “Complain all you want, but I can promise you we’ll kill more of them this way. These tunnels run right under them. They’ll be dead before they know we’re there. Pack it up and move out!”

The tunnels, unfortunately, were never meant to fit a krogan. Crawling on their bellies single file, the soldiers pushed the lifeless bodies of keepers from their path. The tight space was making his men agitated, something Grunt struggled with just as much. Damn those Cerberus cowards. . .

As they progressed further, voices could be heard above them. “Get those turrets up now! We’ve lost sight of the Krogans and spotted a turian cruiser near the shopping center. Where are those mechs?!”

I’m going to enjoy this. Soon voices multiplied and words became blurred – the sound of dozens of footsteps echoed down the tunnel. We must be getting close. . .

The scout signaled and the squad branched off down the numerous side passages and waited. Time to finish this.

With an angry roar the krogans sprang from the tunnels. Cerberus troops too stunned to move were quickly cut down. “No more hiding!” Grunt followed after those fleeing from the chaos.

Thick clouds of smoke flooded the building he entered, blinding him. I can still hear you, still smell your fear. Staying low, he let out an angry growl and sprinted through the fog into the nearest shooting enemy, crushing him against the wall behind him. “Who’s next?!”

As he cleared the lobby of the building more gunfire was heard outside. Those aren’t my men . . .

Turians, and lots of them, were flooding the walkways, pushing Cerberus forces back faster. Grunt growled in annoyance as he moved to the next floor. Bastards are going to have this fight finished before it gets good!

***

“That is out of the question.”

“But, Dr. Chakwas-”

“Absolutely not.”

Traynor and Liara sighed in defeat under the doctor’s stern gaze. “Can we at least inspect Glyph to see if he can be brought online?” Liara asked impatiently.

“Only if you plan on doing it here in the med bay so I can keep an eye on you,” she said shortly. “I am completely serious about not using your biotics. Twenty-four hours and not a minute less.”

“Okay then,” Traynor said hesitantly, “we can at least brainstorm about what that energy wave was.”

Chakwas shook her head tiredly, “All of the symptoms were very mild and nearly identical: loss of consciousness, headaches, and nosebleeds.”

“All electronics were rendered useless, but chemical and biological systems remained mostly unaffected,” Liara muttered thinking of the glow stick Donnelly lit in engineering before the crash landing.

“It would have to have been something mostly inert to have passed through the entire ship, but leave little damage,” the comms specialist said thoughtfully as she pulled up a chair opposite Chakwas and T’Soni.

“But everything affected by it seems to be salvageable,” Chakwas said as she examined the crew’s medical logs since the crash.

“If it is inert, then there would have to have been a lot of it.” Liara shared a look with Traynor. “You’re thinking about a wave of dark matter, aren’t you? Like a dark matter EMP?”

“Neutrinos to be specific. Dark matter alone can account for ninety-five percent of a system’s mass. Neutrinos are only formed when something expending a lot of energy happens like a supernova or a nuclear reaction-”

“Or a relay firing?”

“It would seem like a logical jump,” Traynor said with some hesitation. “It’s been observed in very low levels after a ship has used a relay.”

“So, if that’s what it was then how did it drain nearly everything of potential energy?” Liara asked, letting her head fall into her hands.

“Liara?”

“I’m fine, it’s just a headache.”

“We’re stepping well past my area of expertise.”

The bay was silent for a moment as the women thought. “I do have one rather unsettling question,” Chakwas said calmly as she put down her notes. “If we can restore function to our omni-tools and maybe even EDI, could the Reapers also be restored – assuming of course that they were affected at all? Are they simply in a state of inactivation?”

The room fell silent.

“That would also be a logical leap,” Traynor said quietly.

***

Jack glared as their shuttle veered away from their intended destination. “Shepard, this doesn’t look like Earth.”

“No, it does not. Apparently we’re having a layover at the dreadnought up ahead.” Shepard felt a chill run down her spine as the small shuttle entered the cavernous hanger. I don’t think we’ll be leaving any time soon.

“That’s one hell of a welcoming party,” Jack muttered, eying the scores of armed soldiers assembling at the landing zone. “This normal procedure or are we just special?”

“We are special,” she sighed. The shuttle door opened with a hiss as Shepard exited. Immediately the soldiers came to attention and held a salute. I am not ready to be back to this.

A lone soldier marched briskly through the ranks of the others and stopped in front of Shepard with a crisp salute. “Welcome aboard, Staff Commander Shepard.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Shepard tried not to think about how much she didn’t want to be there as she returned the salute. “I asked to be taken back down to Earth. I’m a bit confused why I’m here.”

“If you’ll follow me, ma’am, Admiral Ahern will be able to answer all of your questions.”

Shepard came to a sudden stop. “Wait, wait, wait. Are you referring to Admiral Tadius Ahern of Pinnacle Station?”

“Yes, ma’am, I believe that was his previous assignment,” he said stoically as he turned and led them across the hanger.

“You want to fill me in on who this guy is?” Jack asked quietly as they neared the elevator.

“I may have . . . won the admiral’s apartment on Intai’sei in a bet a few years back.”

Jack shook her head a few times before finally saying, “Queen of the fucking girl scouts . . . Have you even set foot in the place?”

“Once,” she admitted as they entered the spacious lift. “I was a bit preoccupied with stopping a rogue spectre and his army of geth from wiping out the galaxy.” Shepard found herself syncing back up with the strict protocols usually practiced on larger ships, a long way from the casual atmosphere of the Normandy. What I wouldn’t give to be back there. . .

“Commander Shepard, it’s been a while,” the gruff admiral said as the group entered the combat information center.

“Yes it has, sir,” she said, saluting. “I see you still haven’t retired.”

“Can’t do that without a retirement home, now can I?” Ahern waited for his men to disembark before continuing. “This your protégé?”

Jack frowned, looking mildly insulted. “Hell, no.”

“She’s a friend,” Shepard said with a grin. “I don’t mean to sound rude, Ahern, but why the hell am I here?”

The older man chuckled and motioned them to follow him. “With Admiral Hackett beyond Sol and Admiral Anderson deceased – a great man, the galaxy is a worse place without him – I am the highest ranking officer. It’s my job to make the big decisions.”

Shepard nodded silently, her throat suddenly unbearably tight.

“I’ve been contacted by the salarian councilor,” he continued. “It seems he wants our help with a project.”

“I’m guessing it has to do with the geth,” Jack said dryly.

“That it does. Not long after the crucible fired and we restarted the systems on the ship, we began sending ships out to retrieve as many alliance fighters as we could before the poor bastards suffocated. Some of our ships also brought back geth fighters. I’m thinking we must have over a hundred of them in the hangar wherever we could find room.”

“Are any of them online?” Shepard asked. They came to a platform overlooking the entire CIC as well as one hell of a view of Earth from the enormous widows ahead of them.

“They weren’t initially,” he said leaning on the railing. “I had some of our techs try to jump start them, but it’s a slow process. We are able to bring up basic processes, though.” He paused, rubbing the stubble on his jaw. “The problem is what happens if we can’t bring them back online completely. And now I’ve got the salarians breathing down my neck demanding access to them, but I’m not entirely sure if their interest in them is honorable.”

Shepard stared out the windows at Earth, feeling a wave of grief washing over her. “You want to help them, but don’t trust the salarians.”

“Organic or not, they came to our aid. Hell, I’m thinking of commissioning a memorial for them in London,” he said wearily with a bit of humor.

“And that’s why I always liked you, sir.”

“That’s touching, but I was hoping for a bit more feedback than that.”

She closed her eyes and took a long breath before answering. “What I know is that the turians and asari would rather leave the geth as they are.” Shepard shook her head sadly. “I haven’t spoken with the salarian councilor since shortly after firing the crucible, but I think you have good reason to hesitate.”

“I should have kicked his ass while I had the chance,” Jack muttered. “The prick wouldn’t stop going on about how saving Shepard’s life was a waste of time.”

“What stopped you?” Ahern asked, grinning.

“I was too busy fixing his and everyone else’s fucking omni-tools.”

“Shame. So what is your official recommendation, Commander?”

“For now,” she said after a moment, “allow them hands-off access. Be open to consultations, but have your men continue to take the lead on this. I’ve never known Councilor Valern to offer assistance out of the kindness of his heart.”

“That is as good of a plan as any.” He signaled one of his men to meet them. “Lieutenant Riley will show you to the armory and also get you fitted for a set of armor. There’s no telling what the situation down there is like with most of the comms down. It was good seeing you, Shepard, and meeting your protégé. Stay safe.”

Jack flipped him off before following Shepard.

***

Notes: Thanks for reading! I planned on adding more, but I forgot this existed for a few years and then lost the second half of this chapter. I'll see if I can track it down. :P

[penguiduck]

Writing Fight Scenes

I’ve had a lot of readers mention that they don’t feel comfortable with fight scenes.  Well, that’s understandable. It’s challenging writing about experiences you’ve never had.  But with some perspective and practice, you can most certainly work toward writing those fast-paced, heart-pounding scenes with ease.

To give you some background, I practiced competitive martial arts for six years.  I competed in tournaments and trained hard to perform well in the ring. It was a contact sport, and even if I wasn’t sparring, training often left me with bruises, usually of the physical nature, sometimes of the emotional persuasion.

This experience gave me a lot of perspective when it comes to writing fight scenes.

Whenever I step into the ring, I have a flexible strategy in mind that combines what I know about myself, my opponent, and what I’m going to learn about them in the next two minutes.  I’d like to share some of these thoughts and perspectives with you, and how your character may think before and during a match of their own. Of course, my fighting experience is limited to a contact sport.  Your story may very well be far more violent with higher stakes, but strategies may be of similar foundation. Once you take a fight into deeper consideration, aside from the depiction of two fighters merely exchanging blows, you can begin to enrich your writing experience.

I’m including examples from Yu Yu Hakusho because that’s the fandom I write the most for, and as you know, there’s a lot of fighting involved!  But remember — anime and writing are two completely different mediums. There's no one narrating everything that our beloved characters are doing on screen. You just see it. That is why you, as a writer, must paint those scenes through words for your readers.

Nevertheless, this advice really stands for any sort of writing, so do with this information what you will.

A well-written fight scene is never about just trading blows.  There are other conflicts at play, whether between the fighters or even in the heads of your protagonists.

Allow me to elaborate:

1. Who is your protagonist?

Whenever I am preparing for a sparring match, the first thing I worry about is me. I must be self-aware. 

I think about my own fitness.  How am I doing? Do I have any existing injuries or ailments?  How is my weight? My body type? What are my strengths and weaknesses?  What do I have in my toolbox? What techniques do I know? What techniques am I most versed and confident in?  

I also think about my overall wellness. Have I been eating well?  Drinking water? Sleeping? How is my emotional state of mind? What are the stakes?

Is my uniform clean and pressed?  What about my equipment? Headgear?  Mouth guard? Shin guard? Did I replace that torn lace?

I recommend using these questions to bring your character’s own reflection to the forefront in whatever way makes most sense for them.  How is your character’s fitness? Is she in good fighting condition? Has she been injured previously? What has happened since the last fight that might impact her state of mind? 

It’s possible that she’s recovering from an illness or injury.  Perhaps her mentor died a gruesome death. Maybe she’s frustrated because she lost use of her right hand, temporarily or permanently, and has had to compensate with her non-dominant hand.  Or perhaps she’s lost the will to fight, having experienced something traumatic.

Hiei had to constantly think about his own state of health throughout the Dark Tournament after his fight with Zeru.  His arm had been sacrificed to his Dragon of the Darkness Flame, rendered useless, and he was in terrible pain. He never let it impact him, of course, being the stoic warrior he is.  His personality allows for little inner dialogue to be shared with the audience, but as a fighter, he was most certainly considering what options he had with his handicap. And, as a writer, perhaps you would like to elaborate on his thoughts for your readers.

What has your character been practicing lately?  Is her weapon of choice the same? Has it been upgraded?  Has she been training with a different weapon or technique?  Is she perhaps nervous about using something new?

Maybe she just repaired her sword, and she’s unsure if it’s as strong as it was before.  Perhaps she’s been studying a new technique, and she knows she’ll need to use it in this battle.  

Remember when Kuwabara first introduced his spirit sword in Maze Castle?  He was so proud of himself, and that whole battle was an introduction to his newfound technique, how he manipulated his sword, and how he was able to harness his spirit energy.  It’s far more interesting to see this development and exploration than to just watch him stab at Byakko a dozen times.

My point is that while your character probably should keep her emotions out of the ring, she may not be able to.  There are so many things that could be on her mind, plaguing her thoughts, especially if there’s a lot riding on this battle.  I think it’s really important to not only acknowledge the physical part of fighting but the emotional toll it can take a fighter, too.

Think about the fight between Yusuke and Toguro.  Toguro had just killed Genkai, and Yusuke took that very personally.  This was not a simple battle of strength or wits. This was a battle of emotions, and it wasn’t until Yusuke was able to master his feelings and reach beyond that “six foot wall of crap” as Genkai so affectionately calls it that he was able to finally defeat Toguro.

And the catharsis that came from defeating Toguro? It was made all the more powerful because Yusuke went through that emotional journey. It wasnʼt just a fight ��� it was a calling, a purpose, and a lesson.  It was painful and potent, and it made him realize just how much these experiences shaped him as a person.

2. Who is the opponent? 

Before I participate in a tournament, I do my research.  Who is likely to be competing? Who is in my weight class?  What do I know about these competitors? If I don’t have answers, I would find them.  I’d chat with my instructor, my fellow martial artists. Has anyone else from my school fought these people before?  What were they like? Are there videos online of their performance?  

I find as much information as possible. I make calls, send texts, take people out to lunch, scour the internet for information.  Even if your character lives in a less technologically dependent world, I would imagine that he might talk with friends, look through old records, listen to gossip and hearsay.  He might watch battles leading up to his own fight in an effort to learn more.

And if this pre-work isn’t possible, that’s okay.  Fights in your story may be entirely unpredictable, but your character can also learn things about his opponent during the match.  

When I step into the ring and ready myself to compete, one of the first things I want to find out is on which side my opponent is dominant.  In other words, are they right-handed? Or left-handed? Right-footed? Or left-footed? Maybe they only focus on one side during training (which is silly, but that’s another conversation).  But there could be an underlying reason why as well. Perhaps they injured themselves in the previous round or maybe they just don’t like exposing one particular side of their body for whatever reason.

This information is critical because this tells me what I need to watch out for, which side of my own body I should be guarding, how I may penetrate my opponent’s defenses.  How can I catch them when they least suspect it? Where can I knock them off balance? My instructor always told me to watch the shoulders — shoulders move before the rest of the body.  You can tell what your opponent is about to do by watching their shoulders.

Your character may wish to discover the same thing.  Maybe his opponent uses a two-handed sword and is very clearly right-handed.  This may give him some information on where his blind spot is — or maybe he just needs to disable his opponent’s right arm.  The possibilities are endless, and understanding his opponent will give him leverage, offering him many options.

Understanding an opponent’s technique is also important.  In martial arts, practitioners often favor a strategy or skill.  This seems obvious, but it’s vital that you understand what it is — only then you can combat it.  

Consider Kurama’s matches with Gama and Toya during the events of the Dark Tournament.  The English dub did a wonderful job voicing Kurama’s inner conflict during these fights, struggling with first his inability to move and then his imprisoned spirit energy — if you were to put these scenes into writing, explaining his thought process would be fascinating.  How does Kurama overcome these obstacles? He seeks to understand his opponents before he defeats them, which, unfortunately, also means he risks injury to himself until then.

Your character’s thoughts about the fight, interpreting for your audience what he feels he might need to do to secure victory, is just as important as detailing the fight itself.

3. What about the writing?

The writing will come once you begin to dissect your characters and their motivations for fighting.  Your characters aren’t one-dimensional, or, at least, they shouldn’t be!  

Your fight scenes shouldn’t be, either.  It’s not about two fighters trading blows. It’s about an artfully curated dance.  Two opponents are engaged in a craft that they both know well, and whether they’re fighting to win a tournament or for their very lives, they have reasons and complex thought processes that should make their fight interesting.  

There are two players here, and unless the fight is grossly one-sided, they’re both thinking and acting independently of one another.  My advice is to thread their actions and consequences together — weave the fight scene as if it’s a stream of conscious thought, separated into paragraphs, each with a shift in perspective, for clarity.  

Instead of writing:

Yusuke charged at Kuwabara and punched him in the face.  Kuwabara punched him in the mouth. Yusuke then kicked him in the stomach.

Try this:

Yusuke had little patience for Kuwabara’s bad jokes, and he rushed toward him, landing a blow square in the side of his head.

Kuwabara flew backward with a grunt, stabilizing himself before launching himself at Yusuke, returning the favor.  His fist collided with Yusuke’s jaw, a blow hard enough to knock the teeth out of any regular human.

Yusuke expected him to retaliate, and although he was nearly knocked off balance, he swung his leg around, making full contact with Kuwabara’s stomach.

You may also find it useful to deviate from the fighting itself.  You can speak to a character’s inner dialogue or thoughts, whether about the fight or something else.  You may choose to have them begin a brief conversation. Or you may describe what other characters are feeling about the fight as onlookers.

There are many ways to make these fight scenes seamless and interesting — take some time to explore your options!

Just a few more general tips that might help:

If you’re going to use a thesaurus, be mindful about it. I use a thesaurus when I write because I suffer all day, every day from tip-the-tongue syndrome.  But words, even if they generally fit the same definition, can have vastly different connotations, so before selecting a word from the thesaurus, do some digging.  Look at the exact definition and perhaps Google some common usage. Punch, slap, and stroke do not mean the same thing, even if a thesaurus might say otherwise.

Read your writing out loud.  If you’re unsure, this is the best way to understand your cadence, the flow of the battle.  Use your best Morgan Freeman or Jorge the Ogre voice.

Consider a beta reader.  Sometimes having a second opinion is immensely helpful.

Remember that there are no strict writing rules.  You write whatever your heart desires in whatever manner your heart desires.  Experiment and explore with different styles and techniques to find whatever works for you.

I hope you find this information useful!  Please feel free to suggestion additional blog posts you would like to see from me in the future.  ^_^  Of course, please reblog this if you found it helpful!

Pictures are, of course, not mine.  They are shots from the anime or other official derivatives.

[pollylynn]

Title: Likeness WC: 1000

“Isn’t it frackin’ awesome?” — Henry Barnett, The Final Frontier (5 x 06)

She’s not sure what she was thinking when she commandeered Henry Barnett’s photo like that. Thinking, she supposes, played no particular part in that spur-of-the-moment abuse of power. If she’d been thinking she would have used wholly fabricated police powers to have Henry and the photographic evidence of her Nerd Glory Days deported back to wherever Henry hails from these days. 

If she’d been thinking, she’d have enlisted the aid of any one of a number of super villains to launch the photo—and possibly Henry, depending on his level of cooperation—into the sun. There’s pretty robust support for the hypothesis that thinking had nothing to do with her snatching the photo from Henry’s hand and taking off with it. 

And now she’s stuck with it. Except stuck might not be the right word. She has it, and her feelings about that seem to be more complicated than her initial Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure instincts. Her feelings, in the short term at least, focus on what to do with it.

She can’t keep it in her desk at work. She’s already come close to getting caught, and it’s one thing to tease and traumatize Castle for the treachery of knowing the secrets of her young adult life. It’s another thing entirely for Ryan—or worse, Esposito—to stumble across it. She cannot risk another near miss. 

She’ll smuggle it out tomorrow, but the question is where she’ll smuggle it to. Home, she supposes, but that seems a little sad. It’s not like she’s about to frame it. It’s not like she would hang on any given wall or prop it up on a table or bookcase for people to see. No. She is not coming out of the cosplay closet, even with a Creaver mask shielding her identity. But she still doesn’t like the idea of shoving it in a drawer, flat and alone, or in some kind of file folder, as though she might need to consult it for tax purposes some day. 

She could give it back to Henry. That comes to her only when tomorrow has arrived. She’s at her desk. She has her hand on the drawer, just before the act of slipping the photo out and then straight into her bag.  She sits with that option for a while, blinking at how long it took her to come around to it. 

She’s kind of ashamed. She’s newly ashamed, because she’s already bullied the poor guy out of a memento that clearly means something to him. She thinks back to her signed Temptation Lane photo and how much it delighted her—how much it still delights her—and with a dread-filled heart, she wonders if she has some kind of obligation to strong arm the non-incarcerated members of the cast of Nebula-9 into signing the photo for Henry by way of penance for her ill-thought-out-sin. 

She tries to talk herself out of that, though. She’s pretty successful at talking herself out of that, because Gabriel Winter is a creep, and just in case there is a movie  someday, she wants to start forgetting that he’s a creep as soon as humanly possibly so that she can make good on her vow to be first in line. 

She also doesn’t know where Henry hails from these days, so how would she even begin to send it back to him. She is busily ignoring the police powers—to say nothing of the average-human-in-the-age-of-the-internet powers—she does have to investigate questions like this, and instead wonders if she can’t enlist the aid of a super villain to launch herself into the sun and neatly solve the problem that way. 

“You should make copies.” His voice nearly sends her straight out of her seat and up to the fifth floor. “Sorry,” he says quickly, then gives her an odd look. “I wasn’t sneaking. Or snooping. Snooking?” He shakes his head, totally unaware that he has just shot to the top of her to-be-launched-into-the-sun list. “You were preoccupied.” 

“Copies for what?” she scoffs as she closes the drawer, which seems to have rolled halfway open of its own volition, with extreme prejudice. “Why would I want copies?” 

“I want a copy,” he says. She whips her head to glare at him, but there’s no leer in the statement. There’s no teasing. It’s matter of fact. “I hardly have any pictures of you at the loft.” 

The word hardly yanks at her attention. He has one tiny framed photo of her on his bedside table. It’s the only one she’s aware of, and she’s suddenly paranoid that she’s on every wall, every flat surface, and she just hasn’t noticed. 

She’s about to ask. She’s about to interrogate him, and it’s possible that this instinct is a little bananas. It’s possible this is in the same realm as the instinct that has saddled her—in the first damned place—with this photo she doesn’t know how to feel about. She is aware that this might be the case, but she’s about to proceed anyway when he cuts into her thoughts excitedly. 

“Ooh, you know what?” He beams at her with the kind of pride in his latest, greatest idea that usually gets him in trouble. “I bet your dad would love one.” 

“My . . . dad?” She’s practically choking, and he catches up. He keys in to the chaotic headspace she’s in. 

“Your dad,” he says quietly. He casts the world’s least clandestine glance around the bullpen before he covers her hand briefly with his. “It’s a nice picture, Kate. From a happy time. People should see it.” 

“People,” she echoes. He’s convincing, though it seems impossible, too. Or next to impossible, so she starts there. “My dad.” She clears her throat. “You think my dad would like it?” 

“I do.” He smiles. “I really do.”  

A/N: Two-dimensional not things. 

images via homeofthenutty

[kn1feinthec0ffee]

in too deep (part 5) - jules

jules x reader

TW: drugging

warnings: beating, homophobia, threat of death, i think that’s pretty much it??

notes: ooooohhh we’re getting closer to the end! not that i’m excited for this to end, but i’m just excited for you guys to see it

i really hope that me putting homophobia in this story doesn’t make you guys think i’m homophobic bc that’s the farthest thing from true. since i changed the gender of the mickey stand-in, i felt like it might be more interesting to add another dynamic into the story so it wasn’t just a word for word copy of the original except with a girl, bc that seems really one-dimensional to me. i feel like i need to put one of those things they have in movie credits like “the views in this film in no way reflect the views of the studio that produced it” kinda thing

also i think this may be my favorite part that i’ve written, bc if you didn’t notice, i’ve never left the reader’s perspective during the whole thing, so i had to improv a bit during the parts of the movie we didn’t get to see with mickey, and maybe i’m just a lil proud of myself :’)

******************************

for the first time since you came up with your brilliant plan to siphon the gas, you actually felt a glimmer of hope. jules was smart, she’d surely find a way out of the house; and she was damn loyal, too, so you knew there was no chance she’d leave you behind. 

sadly all those hopes were dashed when you heard the basement door creak open again. 

fuck, this whole plan was dependent on the fact that no one else came downstairs! your hands clammed up, your heart rate quickening as footsteps descended the stairs, stopping dead in their tracks once they reached the bottom. 

  “where the hell’d that little bitch go?” george roared, scanning every nook and cranny in the basement to see if jules was hiding anywhere. “answer me!”

you stayed silent, more out of fear than some sort of strategy. you quickly realized this was the wrong decision as george viciously backhanded you across the face. your head whipped to the side, eyes blinking back into focus from the impact. you felt something sticky on your lips and realized it was blood. 

  “you’re so angry,” you groaned. “why? just ‘cause you’re shooting blanks?” you pouted in mock sympathy. this sudden boost of confidence seemed to be a mistake as you saw george’s expression shift into a dangerously content one. 

  “i’m gonna rip your fuckin’ heart out.” your face dropped as he spoke. “i understand you not wantin’ to tell me where she is. in fact, if i were in your position i suppose i’d do the same. but god almighty i’m gonna watch ya’ die. i’m gonna hurt ya’.”

you were stunned into silence but you decided saying something, anything, would be better than nothing. “she’s gone, man. you just need to give it up.”

this seemed to strike a nerve in him. he turned towards you again and delivered another swift slap, knocking the wind out of you. he smacked you again, the back of your head knocking into the pole and causing your consciousness to fade for a moment. 

  “you think i’m full of hot air, don’t you? only good on roughin’ you up?” he asked rhetorically. “you know i worked as a door-to-door salesman for a few years? learned a lot, but the most important thing i learned was how to read people. and at the end of the day, you’re just an open book, sweetheart.”

the name sounded like poison dripping from his lips. it made you sick, that name belonged to jules. 

  “i know your type, believe you me, i’ve seen quite a few in my time. you see, you like to think you’re tough, strong, resilient, but at the end of the day, you just value her life above yours.” he laughed to himself. “am i right?”

he chuckled again when you didn’t answer. “that’s alright, you don’t have to answer, i know i’m right. well, you people are more loyal than i thought. guess i gotta give credit where credit’s due.”

  “fuck you.” you spat. “don’t fucking talk about her like that.” he stood up again, this time grabbing something from a shelf before making his way back to you. 

  “alright, no more pussyfootin’ around, time to get down to business.” he revealed the knife, positioning it under your ear as he prepared to slice it off. 

  “sheisn’tgoingtothecops!” you breathed out quickly, hoping he’d let you keep both ears with the statement. 

  “what? what’d you say?” he seemed caught of guard by the sudden admission, backing off of you. 

  “not yet, anyway.” you took a moment to catch your breath. “i told her to wait. yeah, we got a little meet up spot. now if i don’t show up there in an hour or so, then yeah, cops galore. you’re fucked, buddy. but, if i do show up, we just continue on our way like none of this happened.”

you took another shaky breath before you continued. “if we’re being honest here, i don’t want the cops involved any more than you do. y’know, the whole ‘not gainfully employed’ thing? the cops aren’t a huge fan of that one.”

george seemed to take this into consideration, nodding quietly to himself. “what about sweetiepie?”

  “her? i don’t give a fuck about her, she’s the whole reason i’m in this mess.” you winked at her, hoping she’d understand the message. 

george snapped the blade shut, producing the key from to the cuffs from his jacket pocket. 

------------------------------

  “any last words for this son of a bitch?” george asked gloria as he trained the pistol on you.

  “oh, i do wish you’d handled things differently. we could’ve had somethin’ beautiful here.” she smiled sadly, mourning what could’ve been. 

  “i’ll see you in hell,” george mumbled as he opened the door for you. you stepped into the doorway, only to stop dead in your tracks when you heard your girlfriend’s voice. shit.

  “stop, don’t kill her!” jules shouted from the top of the steps, baby doll in hand. “i will smash it!” she held it over the railing, dangling precariously above the hardwood flooring beneath. 

  “whew, that was close.” george laughed, closing the door behind you. “unhand my baby!” gloria whined. 

  “alright, missy, calm down. no one’s gonna get hurt.” he kept the gun aimed at your head, but gloria quickly pried it out of his hands and took a shot at jules. she crouched to shield herself from the bullet that thankfully missed, but in doing so let go of the baby that plummeted to the floor, shattering into hundreds of pieces. 

  “get your ass down here or i’ll blow her brains out!” george shouted gruffly as jules descended the staircase. she ran to you, hugging you close and helping you to stand on your injured leg. 

gloria rushed out of the room, bloody pieces of ceramic in hand as george turned back to you. “look what you gone and did. what did i do to deserve you two?”

------------------------------

  “cooking’s a zen art for my dear gloria. i’ve found there’s a method to it: the more upset she is, the bigger the dish it takes to pull her out.” george explained. “needless to say, i think the two of you just summoned up a banquet.”

the two of you had been crudely duct-taped to some chairs in the dining room, forced to listen to the stuffy dialogue between the husband and wife. “why? why do you keep her down there?” jules asked. 

  “it’s not what you think.” he looked over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t listening. “my gloria, she’s always wanted a child. unfortunately, the good lord did not have that in his plans for us. so, i had to take matters into my own hands.”

  “oh, so you kidnapped her.” jules stated bluntly. george glared at her, but continued his explanation. 

  “as you get older, things get... complicated, and i swear to god i had no ill intentions. i just wanted to make my wife happy.” he smiled. “and she was for a bit, until she started to remind her of what she couldn’t have. she asked me to make her go away, but i couldn’t bring myself do that, so the basement is our compromise.” 

  “dinner is served!” gloria announced, wheeling in a cart full of dishes of shepherd’s pie. she placed one on everyone’s plate before she sat down. they quickly said grace before digging into their food. 

  “so are you guys gonna kill us or...? what’s the deal?” jules asked matter-of-factly. you wanted to nudge her shoulder and ask her what in the hell made her so bold, but you didn’t want to cause a scene. 

  “george, you didn’t tell them?” gloria asked confusedly. “i wanted to make ‘em squirm a bit,” he smirked. 

  “t-tell us what?” you cursed yourself for stuttering but you couldn’t help it, it came out when you were anxious. 

  “we’re not gonna kill you.” george mumbled, almost sounding disappointed. “i said we’re not gonna kill ‘ya, what are you deaf?” you stifled a grin at jules, not wanting to change their decision to set you free. “we’ve decided that, despite your piss-poor behavior, the logistics of it just don’t make no sense for us.”

  “sooner or later someone’s gonna come lookin’ for you two. now, i can hide a body like the easter bunny hides an egg, but the two of you have been sweatin’, spittin’, and pissin’ all over this place.” he paused to take a sip of his drink. “anywho, i’m bound to miss a spot. i figure we have a better chance of hitting the road. we’ll give it 48 hours, tip off the police, they’ll come by and pick ya’ up. i reckon you’ll do some time for whatever the hell you two did, but at least you’ll still be drawing breath. so congratulations, you should be thankful. you just won the damn lottery.”

jules spared a glance at you as if to say, what now? “take your time eatin’ you got another couple days in those chairs.” george muttered as he took another bite of his meal. 

screw it, you thought. we’re hungry and going to jail in the next two days, what harm could a nice meal do? you both picked up your forks and knives and tucked in to the plate in front of you. you nearly let out a moan in satisfaction as the food hit your tongue. you scooped up more greedily as you had no clue if and when the next time you’d get fed would be. 

  “wait,” jules swallowed the food in her mouth. “what’s gonna happen to her?” gloria glanced over to george, waiting for the answer to the question as well.

  “well, i’m sure they’ll put her some place nice. these orphanages, i hear they’re like five-star resorts.” george answered. 

  “does that upset you?” gloria turned to jules, a smile of mock empathy on her face. “anything’s better than down there.” jules mumbled. 

  “you got a heart of gold, jules. is your full name julia?” jules nodded in response. “my mother’s name was julia. she had a good heart, too, you remind me of her.”

  “she died of cancer when i was real little. it was a slow, painful process, but i was with her every step of the way!” she grinned as her husband blew her a kiss. “the day before she died, she told me to look in the closet, that i’d find a special surprise for me in there. it was a package, wrapped up nice and pretty, with a tiny card with my name on it. she insisted i opened it, so i wiped away my tears, tore open the paper and there it was. a doll.” 

everything stilled. every sound, the scraping of cutlery on the plate, the sound of everyone breathing, even the breeze blowing through the window decided this was a nice time to take a break. 

  “she said it was a magic doll,” she continued. “that no matter how sad i became, and believe me, i became very sad, i’d always have him with me. my ethan.”

your gut instincts finally kicked in as you spat out the food that was in your mouth, the gross pile of chewed up beef and potatoes looking oddly blurry to you. jules looked equally as mortified, probably even more since she was the one who brought about the end of the magic doll. 

  “and she was right; he was magical. and you took him away from me.” she grinned her creepy stepford wife grin once more. jules mumbled something but everything sounded miles away from you as your head swam. 

  “wha-what is this?” you slurred, the bright colors of the table morphing into one another. 

  “this is a drug overdose, y/n.” he chuckled when you sluggishly turned your head towards him. “i know, i know, i fibbed about lettin’ you live, but see, you had a veritable pharmacy in that bag of yours. you two just munched down enough pills to put a bull to bed,” his voice muffled into indiscernible nonsense, though you knew he was still speaking. 

  “f-fuck you,” jules managed, still keeping her head up. you, on the other hand, were slumped over, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. 

george got up from his seat, pulling your head up by your hair. “not so tough now, are ya’?” he jested. 

jules muttered something in your defense, but as soon as your head dropped, you were down for the count; just missing the hopeful ring of the doorbell, possibly signaling you might live to see another day. 

******************************

i should probably put a link to previous parts at the top but i have no clue how to do that lol

tags: @emmyrosee​ @flowers-in-your-hayr​ @willyourecognisemee​ @bill-skarsgard-owns-my-ass​

[bayrut]

SO since you’re the marvel expert here, which marvel movies are good in your opinion? I want a TED talk, please explain yourself with full detail bc ily when you talk about thing you like 💖 (I’m preparing myself to hear some bad takes tho)

ok so hi camila I am currently during a lab meeting so i will be able to finish this essay, but be warned this is,,,, extremely long i hope tumblr even lets me post this. but here are my favorite mcu movies in no particular order. like they’re all good, then i have a tiny section for honorable mentions of some movies that have a certain few good elements but overall are not Good TM. then i have a special mention for The Movie that shaped superhero movies forever (even though it is not my fave). 

If you find this too long and decide to not read that it okay!!! i totally get it. but if you don’t read my reply at least read this:

comic books are like a story and art/visuals right? but the two things that movie makers forget about when adapting a comic book to the screen are exactly that!!! the story and the visuals. they thing that they can make a movie where everyone punches everyone and throw in a few jokes and people will be please (and they are, look at how much money they are making...) but i am not pleased. there is no story, they don’t care about character arc. and the visuals are ugly, the art in comics is supposed to help the story, to help the plot flow, like the fights should tell stories in the way that they’re organized, and the visuals should be breathtaking and serve the plot. and this all is not hard to do like: just hired a good choreographer for the fights and learn how to shoot shots properly and that’s... it. and it has been done before in some of the movies i mentioned and some shows *cough cough* watch daredevil *cough cough* so yeah it is doable but the directors dont care and would prefer to make mindless action movies with jokes and label them as ‘superhero movies’ because they know people will eat that up.

anyway, rant over, these are the best marvel movies: (open at your own risk this is extremely detailed, 4 word pages long and i did not proof read it, it took me over two hours to write)

the best marvel movie of all time must spider-man: into the spider-verse but that’s probably because they spent so many time on it to get it right. also, it’s probably cheating to consider it the best movie, since it’s animated so it does get the whole comic book vibe best automatically. but really the movie is funny, like a spider-man movie should be, the art is beautiful it is Art and honestly anyone that doesn’t think the same can unfollow me. i tried the first time i saw the trailer and also when i watched it in the cinema. Art. although the dialogue is a bit poor, and they did my girls gwen and peni dirty. but john mulaney is in it so!!! definitely one of the superior movies. the art is so beautiful i write and cry about it all the day but the fact that each character is done in a different style, and that the background and scenery is so,,, detailed,,, like it’s beautiful. even besides being a good superhero movie, it’s an amazing animated movie when compared to the trash kids get these days, where all characters look the same in a movie but also from a movie to the next. also the soundtrack was kinda amazing for the movie. tl;dr: i want my spider-verse 2 now please and thank you, the 10 second teaser was enough for me to tear up

black panther is one of the best marvel movie. i know a lot of people have focused on the diversity aspect of it and how we need black superheros so i won’t focus on it too much, you already know that. but. the costumes. are so beautiful. they spent so much time designing costumes. the plot was interesting, which honestly,,, i can’t say the same for most superhero movies these days. the movie encapsulates the magically tehcnological vibe that wakanda gives off in the comics, and honestly all the actors did a great job. also, the casino fight scene... like help that was too beautiful. superhero movies fight scenes should feel like a well-organized and elegant choreography, and honestly i’m so upset that a lot of movies decide to be like whatever they can throw in punches and that will. like in comics the punches and kicks serve to fight a narrative, to help the flow of the images move. it’s not an action movie or one of those war movies where whoever punches whoever else and that’s done. those are comic book adaptations. i need to see the flow of images. the art. where is it. anyway. black panther has that in probably all fight scenes, and i would like to say thanks to everyone who worked on that aspect. like for real fight scences looking pretty is a big part of why i like or don’t like a superhero comic book, movie, or tv show (on that note, go watch daredevil). also, the movie was funny enough but not a joke. like a comic book should be. loved it

logan: ok idk if this is an unpopular opinion and idc, but the xmen movies are far more superior than the other movies. they just get the vibe right. logan was a beautiful movie. it was different than all other movies in the superhero genre, it is violent but not violent for the sake of violent, it was violent to portray how violent life it. it wasn’t showing blood just to show blood. it captures so many emotions like intense grief and regret correctly, it is an actually Good Content movie, like many adults treat the superhero genre as a joke, and i think logan shows that it should not be treated as a joke. also, i think the characterisation of logan (like i mean the character himself) was much better in this movie compared to the xmen movies. like there he is just brooding and rude, but in logan i think he stopped being a 2-dimensional character. anyway, love it, teared up at the end, we should get more xmen movies and in general, superhero movies like this

ok i might be biased because i know the script by heart by now, but guardians of the galaxy is also one of the greatest movies based on a comic book. idk how much you know about gotg, but the comics were not doing great before the movie, but after it like marvel started making new runs and they all became popular. anyway my point is: the story was beautiful, the images and background were Beautiful, it was funny, it was a movie about not belonging anywhere but finding people to call home, about finding a reason to live. all the characters were like whatever i just exist i don’t matter and!! they found home. a lot of people treat the movie as a joke because of how light it is and how the characters are all different stereotypes of ‘funny sarcastic character’, but it really is beautiful. and the soundtrack.... can i just say... genius, superior, amazing, fantastic, i could go on for days. that opening scene where star-lord is alone and singing??? the way it is filmed??? the choreography of it all?? like idk it’s just too good. i have lots of feelings about gotg. the second one wasn’t as good, i didn’t like the main plot it was a bit Too Much but i liked the continuing theme of finding home with Yondu (who deserved better imo) but yes gotg is a superior movie

iron man, like how do i even describe this movie without insulting it... it launched the MCU. it is iconic. RDJ is amazing but not only him, everyone in that movie is great. and honestly all the iron man movies are great. (if you compare with how tony stark is portrayed in the avengers movies, like he’s way more shallow there). the movies make sense, the fight scence have that dramatic and elegant element about them. the second wasn’t my fave, but still was extremely good. the third was amazing too, like the ending of it with the suits and all that... the portrayal of mental illness, like panic attacks and anxiety,,, like this is truly what the movie genre should be about. not just mindless fights, it is about stories, and that is why most superhero movies are not good. normal people go and like them but i can’t enjoy them. and not just me (and comic book readers), like people who enjoy them are usually the people who are okay to go watch a random movie with good jokes (because that’s what most superhero movies are these days, bad plot but good enough jokes for people to go pay 15$ and see them). i mean i am ok with those movies too, but since i read comics i don’t and can’t really enjoy those movies. i think when people tell me they don’t like marvel, it is most often because they are people that read (not just comics) like they read books and care about plot and what is the movie really trying to say so when they’re asked why they dont like the movie they’re like oh it’s a dumb superhero movie... and i can’t argue with that because most superhero movies are like that right now... they profit off the fact that some superhero movies (like iron man) were huge hits that revived the genre, and profit off the fact that people think they will automatically enjoy the movie and wil go watch it, so they don’t care about actually writing a story...

xmen days of the future past this is,,, such a good movie,,, i’m a sucker for time-travel when it’s done right, and the slow-motion quicksilver scene with the music,, can i just say,,, poetic cinema,,, beautiful,, my only complaint is that there are not enough relevant female characters but like,,, it looks how a comic book movie should look like,,, anytime i’m on a plane i have to watch it... also,,, i discovered 2 years ago that a lot of scenes were filmed at my university so like,, it holds an extremely special place in my heart, i can’t believe i’ve been in the same buildings where they filmed it, it’s crazy..

doctor strange: ok ok dont @ me yet please listen. i know story-wise it is meh, they didn’t do it well (but i have real high hopes for the sequel, but that’s a talk for another day) but the visuals!!!! the visuals!!!! the fights!!! the way that they morph like reality during the fights,,, it’s just,, so beautiful, one could get drunk just by looking at it,,, also,, the sanctum sancotrum looks so pretty. the fights flow amazingly well (kudos to the cape). the dormammu scence!!!! oscar-worthy!! like i know the plot wasn’t great and the movie is zelma-erasure but!!! it looks like a superhero movie should look like and look i’m an arts kid that’s why i like comics because they’re pretty and the pictures tell a story. like of course i read books i read a lot but the visuals are so important for comic books and they should be for comic book to movie adaptations and they’re often not but doctor strange had it

ok one of my faves it ant-man and also the sequel but let’s focus on ant-man for a second, it is goofy but has lots of emphasis on the family subplot and that’s beautiful. this movie should have gotten an award just for when Luis tells stories like that scene is iconic. a lot of people think it’s a dumb movie because it focuses a lot on being funny but actually like the themes!!! aborded. like being in jail then not being able to find a job, then trying to steal again just because you need money because you wanna see your kid, like the power of showing this!! people treat it as a joke like ha ha look he is an engineer and he is working in an ice cream store, but here again no it’s an important story and comic books are books like @ movie directors where is my story??? why are you making a movie but forgetting the story??? how and why?? anyway ant-man had a story!! and also the scott/cassie father/daughter relationship.... like.. my heart. also the visual when ant-man becomes too tiny... very pretty

ok now for some movies that arent the best but have some really good elements that have to be mentioned

thor ok so a lot of people think it is not good but loki in it... i swear tom hiddleston is a great actor and just like,,, the way he portrays despair and like sadness and grief (over himself! about losing himself) is really beautiful... like even in the dark world his performance was really good,,, the Dramaticism of it all.... amazing,,, but his character was done so dirty in the MCU, like loki and wanda and strange are supposed to be the 3 most powerful sorcerers in the marvel world and the MCU was like there you get a small knife, as a treat (like don’t get me wrong i want loki to have a knife but...) also his character deserves more depth than that... like the comic books are breathtaking i’m so sad they did loki so bad... they erased the fact that loki is genderfluid, that he has complex morals, that loki is the god/goddess of stories not just whatever he is supposed to be in those movies... anyway i’m hoping for better characterization in the show, especially that they also hired a female actress to also play loki so we might get genderfluid loki,,, but also i dont wanna have hope and clown

big hero 6 (yes it counts do not fight me): although the animation was very similar to the animation these days, like it was not Special like into the spider-verse, the story is cute, it tackles important topics like grief and how do deal with grief, which is good considering that most kids movies these days just rehash the same topics and don’t care about the plot lines or what is learned

ok i hate and i really mean absolutely hate the new spider-man movies because the are bad but far from home has to be acknowledged for jake gyllenhaal as mysterio but not just about jake, in the end he is just an actor. you know that scene where he is doing his ‘illusions’ towards the end of the movie and it never ends and everytime you think the scene is over and we’re back to reality it turns out we’re still in the ‘illusion’??? just this scene and i really mean just this one scence did it right. like it’s like a comic book. when i watched it i was breathless i is beautiful. anything else in that movie i don’t care at all

i like venom but not because it’s great, the plot is very weak and it doesn’t look great but tom hardy is really good in it... like him losing it over having a symbiote in himself, being like Stressed and Anxious and A Disaster TM is really good... like when he goes to the restaurant and eats that lobster alive and sits in the tank... like amazing and superb love it

and finally, i can’t make this list without mentioning the movie that really made the difference:

avengers ok so avengers was not the best because it really did not care about black widow or hawkeye or hulk at all (their characterization is horrible and butchered in all the movies), and i don’t even like captain america, and thor is annoying, so basically tony stark, loki, and our buddies at shield carry the whole movie, but this movie is so important in terms of like, it’s the first movie that really like started the crossover movies for superheros, the ‘let’s put it all together and hope people don’t get confused’. without it like really the MCU (and DCU, even though idc much about it sorry) would be nothing like they are today!! but yeah like it did so many characters dirty like the characterization sucks, the plot is rushed,,, but like it’s okay. oh and the fight scenes are good! like you still have the whole elegant choreography element of it, which exists in the first few crossover marvel movies like this one and age of ultron (that movie was dissapointing i was so hyped for ultron as a villain and then they made him out to be a tuna can) but then for like civil war and endgame and all that it’s just huge fights and everyone hitting anyone and i don’t care for that like you get lost the only info you can take out is like: oh, there is punching happening. you don’t get to enjoy elements of it and how all the characters are interacting and collaborating together to make a visually pleasing scene simply because those fights are. not. visually. pleasing. anyway. also the shawarma scene was superior. 

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 22: “Because I Was Happy”

In spite of how last week’s episode was kinda meh, this episode ended up being one of the single best episodes of the show thus far. It at least goes to show that this adaptation is incredibly good at drama, even if it’s not so great at comedy.

Anyway the TL;DR of my feelings right now is just a whole pile of those pictures of crying cats. You know the ones.

Thoughts under the cut [and spoilers for the manga as a whole]

To get right to the chase, this episode adapted chapter 51, which is interesting because this makes it the first episode adapting material that straight up hadn’t even been written when the 2001 anime was made, since I think that came out when the manga was at around chapter 43 or so. Even Uo’s backstory arc had already been done in the manga by that point, and they just chose to cut it in the first adaptation. So I can’t exactly fault the 2001 anime for not having adapted this chapter, but man it really goes to show how much of the story the 2001 anime was missing, and how much good stuff we’re in for here.

I think it was a good choice to put the two Hana chapters back to back like this, even though in the manga they were like 20+ chapters apart from each other. It’s by far the most standalone chapter of the manga, and it’s specific placement has always kinda baffled me, since it happens right after we meet the student council characters and Kureno, and shortly before the summer vacation arc, and none of that had to do with Hana. I think it’s just one of those things where Takaya’s nerve disorder probably impacted how she approached the story, and lead to some odd detours into side stories and backstories until the ‘main story’ kicked back into high gear. It flows a lot more naturally here, and the fact that the whole episode is a flashback with no real present-day context or framing isn’t even noticeable when it comes right after the events of the last episode. It felt like a bit more of a harsh narrative shift in the manga.

But it’s still always been one of my favourite individual chapters in the series, in spite of it’s awkward timing. The material itself does everything it needs to make it stand out. And the shifted placement in this adaptation just helps elevate it’s strengths even more.

I’ve been wondering how anime-only people might react to this episode, for lots of reasons, and I’m glad that everyone seems to love it. It really does come as a huge curveball in terms of tone and focus after how self-contained and comedic the last episode was, but it works nicely.

And even more than that, it’s fun watching people react for the first time to the reveal that Hana’s powers are actually 100% real, and the story ends up being dead serious in depicting how they impacted her life. Basically Fruits Basket suddenly turns into Carrie But With A Support Network for an episode, and I doubt any new fans saw that one coming, lmao.

Though tbh I still think it’s [intentionally] ambiguous whether or not she actually had supernatural powers. It never really comes up again, and the handful of cases of her using her powers on people can technically be written off as a mix of coincidences and a sort of placebo effect from people who think she’s seriously gonna curse them. In terms of what Takaya thought when she wrote this, I think Hana probably does have straight up psychic powers, but there’s room for interpretation, and I think this episode is really interesting when viewed through the lens of Hana having some sort of severe mental illness.

I’ve been pretty occupied recently with thinking about the topic of disability in Fruits Basket when it comes to Kyo’s arc [and oh boy do I have stuff to say about that very soon], but I’d kinda forgotten that Hana’s backstory here is another good example of that.

I don’t exactly want to jump to conclusions and start armchair diagnosing her, but the ‘voices’ Hana heard could definitely be symptoms of something like social anxiety or even schizophrenia. Depending on how literally you want to take the idea of her ‘hearing voices’.

In general there’s a sort of blurry line in this series between supernatural stuff, and things that are realistic to the experiences of disabled [or otherwise oppressed/neglected in general] people. But I’ll talk more about that later.

On a somewhat related note, one surprising thing about this episode is that in spite of the overall tone and events of this episode, Hana’s family is completely supportive of her, and never doubt the existence of her powers, or hate her for it. Instead all they care about is her safety and well-being, and they’re willing to move towns if it means removing Hana from a toxic school environment. I think I’ve said it before, but I think it’s good that this series has a whole range of types of parents/families who have their own unique feelings about their childrens’ struggles. You can’t really accuse it of being one-dimensional.

The thing that really struck me about this episode most of all was just how good the artistic direction and overall execution were. In terms of the story it was a pretty 1:1 adaptation of the manga, with nothing changed/added/removed from what I can remember, but it was just executed incredibly well. Pretty much like how things went with the Uo arc.

Specifically I really loved the way that the entire episode had a consistent cool grey tone to it all, and was filled with deep shadows and harsh, artificial-looking lighting, right up until the point where Hana admits that she wants to stay with Tohru and Uo, and suddenly everything is bright and warm and filled with light. It’s not exactly the most complicated thing ever, but it really made the climax of this episode stand out.

But the way it handled the lighting and shading up until that point was genuinely really neat in and of itself, and lead to a really atmospheric and oppressive vibe to everything. Especially scenes like the one where Hana got her arm burned by those bullies, and the whole scene was incredibly dark and shadowy and eerie. I also really liked the cut of her running down the school hallway, and how the harsh bluish lighting from the windows contrasted with her silhouette and the darkness of the hallway itself.

The way they handled the scenes of her hearing voices by having the screen be slowly blotted out by cloudy blackness and overlapping voices was also really neat.

I think it’s really neat that some of the best material we’ve gotten thus far has come from some of the most unlikely characters. Normally with a series like this you’d think that Tohru’s best friends would be disposable comic relief characters [which they kinda were in the 2001 anime, tbh], but they both ended up getting incredibly good backstory arcs that flesh them out immensely and deliver some of the strongest emotions and messages in the series. It really goes to show that this is an ensemble cast type of story that cares about all of it’s characters instead of just the core few. In the manga it wasn’t really apparent until later because of how things were paced out, but this adaptation’s really making it clear already that this series is totally willing to basically ignore it’s main trio for episodes on end in order to focus on the supporting cast, lol.

And on THAT note, to balance out the fact that Kyo in particular has been kinda absent since, like, the lake house episode I think, the next episode is gonna dive straight into what will ultimately be a three-episode story arc focused on him, his backstory, and his relationship with Tohru. I hope it lives up to the expectations of all the new fans who’ve been anxious to see more of him, and I hope they know to keep their hands inside the rollercoaster at all times because we’re about to Go Places [tm] :)

I’d been expecting for a while that the next episode would adapt chapters 30 and 31 and end with Kazuma’s introduction, so that the last two episodes of the season can focus on the meat of the true form arc, and thankfully they just outright used Kazuma’s line from the end of chapter 31 as the title of the next episode so that spells itself out, lol.

I’ve seen some people worry that this means they might be skipping the soup chapter, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think it’d actually be really easy to cover both of those chapters in one episode. You could actually splice the events of them together pretty nicely, so that Tohru getting sick is still the main thread of the whole episode even if it ends with Kazuma showing up.

I think they could at least do some things like making the part in Chapter 31 where Kyo and Kagura go shopping together be related to Kyo cooking for Tohru while she’s sick. But we’ll see.

I know some people think that ep24 will cover the whole true form arc, and that ep25 will be chapters 35 and 36, but I don’t really feel like that’d work well. The true form arc is way too much of an emotional climax all around to not be the season finale. And chapter 35 in general would serve as a nice sort of semi-recap of the true form arc to start season 2 off with.

And in general I don’t think the series has ever adapted three whole chapters into one episode, and I don’t think they’ll start with this arc. I think it’ll be like how they adapted the Uo arc into two episodes when it was also three chapters long. Either way, I think they’d be able to pretty easily flesh it out a bit to cover two episodes, whereas it’d be difficult to condense it into just one episode without it feeling rushed. But who knows. I have faith in them one way or another.

For the time being I’m just gonna emotionally prepare myself, lmao.

[lovestillaround]

Thoughts about Phil’s last video (Draw My Life: Part 2)

So, it’s been two days and I still have trouble processing all the information from Phil’s newest video - that’s why I’m writing my thoughts down, hoping that it will give me more inner peace. Disclaimer: following text includes critique of the video, so if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff/ not in the mood for hearing my negative opinions, please proceed with caution or stop reading. Love ya <3

So, Phil starts the video saying that he’s aware that we know what’s been mostly going on in his life during the last six years and that he’s gonna share with us all the behind the scenes facts. And that on itself is fine, but oh boy, nothing would prepare me for the amount of negativity that I was going to endure (and no, I’m not talking about the subjects of death and illness). I said it to my friend and I still stand by that opinion - the video was for me more like “20 minutes of complaining about/listing every bad thing that happened in my life” than actual “draw my life”. And well, obviously Phil has the right to reflect on his life in whatever way he wants, but as I was watching the video, I couldn’t help getting more and more frustrated with his lack of awareness, especially regarding the massive privilege that he has and has always had. (Also, I’m not trying to call him out for being rich and being able to afford things that I can’t afford - that’s not at all what this is about, it’s about the attitude and the way he chose to speak about those things).

While I do think that the video was full of lovely and cute moments, I’m going to focus mainly on what I found annoying or upsetting, just to keep it (relatively) short. So, I was talking about how in my opinion the video was filled with negativity. You might ask - where is it, Daria? Or more importantly - why is it bad? The response to the video is (at least from what I saw) overwhelmingly positive. Well, I’ll try to explain how I see it.

The video literally starts with Phil saying that London was (is?) 5x more expensive than Manchester, and that if their career in London didn’t work out, they would have had to move back to their parents. I have enough compassion to understand that it must have been hard for them to feel insecure about their finances (I know this feeling damn too well) - but I also think that people should, idk, be generally aware that their actions have consequences? They took a risk, and it was hard to live in uncertainty - I get that - but people having to live with their parents is a reality for so many people! So many young people don’t even get a chance to start an independent life, for various reasons. And I’m not saying that he doesn’t have the right to talk about his struggles - just for me, in the light of the rest of the video that is played on a similar note, it becomes clear that Phil isn’t aware of how much luck he’s had in life and how he has already started his life from a much better position than - can I say that? - probably the majority of people. So for me, what lacks in the video is, idk, maybe just one instance where he acknowledges his privilege? Or just generally him using a different language while talking about his experience, choosing his words more carefully, but I’ll get to that later.

The negativity continues when Phil talks about how he could not work out how to operate the radio control panel, how it was a bad decision to say yes to everything (although I admit, this one is just Phil acknowledging sth that he has learned over the years, which isn’t really negative but let’s still keep it on the list of bad things), anxiety, lack of sleep, stress, juggling responsibilities, people that they used to work with getting more from dnp than dnp did from them, dnp doing things out of obligation, not being able to fully create things how they wanted to, people being cynical about youtubers doing projects/not understanding youtube and media’s negative reactions, loads of office work, risking all their life savings to go on tour, heteronormativity of the interviewers, lots of work related to creating gaming channel videos, overworking themselves during gamingmas, frustration with people not realising how much work happens behind the scenes, people cancelling projects, losing money because of Manila. 

On the other hand, the positives that Phil talked about were getting job at the radio, getting 1 million subs, interviewing people being a cool thing, everything about his relationship with family was very positive, getting a new team of people to work with and dropping some responsibilities like the radio show, success of the books and tours and games they created, creative freedom, positive relationship with his audience, improvement of the press over the years and people in traditional businesses becoming aware of what youtube is, creating and expanding irl merch, having fun on tour. 

Then comes the moment when I got genuinely quite confused, aka the moment when Phil talks about not having a life. Like.... really? He has every right to feel what he feels but honestly, not that many people would count themselves lucky enough to be in a long term relationship, having a loving family, four friends that want to hang out with them, going out to dinner dates and cinemas on the regular, regularly going on vacations, being able to take private yoga or boxing lessons etc. 

When I heard him saying “and I didn’t do any normal stuff people do, like getting a house or a dog”, that’s the point when I’ve lost all my hope. Like, I’m sorry Phil, but are you really gonna complain about not having time to get a house because of the life choices that you’ve made? Just… think about it. I’m not an expert on the standard of life in the UK but I personally can think of exactly zero people that I know who bought a house in their 20s. And I have to say, it’s upsetting that he seems to be so detached from what is the reality for many many people. 

Sharing personal stuff on the internet requires courage and I don’t want to be the one who takes all this knowledge and uses it against him. But I’m genuinely upset with the way he handled things this time. As I was watching the video for the first time, at the end of it all I could think was - wow, you’re really that entitled, aren’t you?

And it makes me sad, because I see two possible reasons for him being like that:

a) He is not in the best place mentally, so that he can only really focus rn on the negative aspects of his life, regretting his past choices, being disappointed in how his personal life looks like. This could be supported the fact that for basically any major thing that happened in his life he decided to share with us and elaborate mostly the negative details attached to it, rarely the positive ones (see the list of positive and negative things that I included above). 

b) He is completely unaware of what’s the average threshold for a “good quality life”, and he’s not aware of his own privilege. 

To elaborate a bit more on the point b): one could see Phil’s video as maybe a reminder that everything comes with a prize and that even though a youtuber’s life might seem super easy, there’s still a lot of stress and work involved that we just don’t see. But… I’ve been aware of that. Nobody’s life is one-dimensional, and everyone has struggles. And of course they have to edit their videos and do the business stuff. But when Phil says how he sometimes wishes people were aware of his personal struggles, I can only think that this is the reality for many many people, not only celebrities on the internet. Idk, maybe I just wasn’t the target of this whole segment in the first place, but for me it sounds borderline patronising, and again, entitled, because as I mentioned, everyone has their own struggles.

But for me, Phil doesn’t seem to be aware that he was only able to make some of the life choices that he’s made because he already had a good start in life in the first place. He’s always had a safety net in form of his parents, so he could make a choice of risking everything and moving to London for example. And yes, coming back home and asking his parents for money could have been embarrassing for him and emotionally hard, but so many people could not take such risk, or any risk, in general! Because they have families that they need to take care of. Because they have not enough money to move to an expensive city, no matter the circumstances. Because they have no one left who would help them financially if something went wrong. And so many other reasons!

On one hand, I can empathise with his frustration. I know how it is to work my ass off just to be able to go to uni, while many people that I know get money from their parents, go to a couple of lectures and then party/do nothing really. And then having other people thinking that everything is easy for me because idk I’ve always had good grades so according to them I don’t need to work as hard. Is it frustrating? Yeah. It’s hard to be misunderstood, or having your work belittled. But I would never blame other people for not being aware of how much work comes with the lifestyle that I’ve chosen. And I’m aware that dnp were working their asses off to create good things for us, but also, obviously, they were hoping to make financial profit out of it. It might sound awful but they did not have to do most of those things. In many instances, they totally did not have to overwork themselves, because it was not like they were making money to survive, they were making money just to make more money, basically. Nothing evil in wanting to make money but honestly Phil, most people work super hard, and they don’t get millions for it. While I do acknowledge that they’ve been working hard, and that a part of their audience might have not been aware of that, I think that complaining about that seems quite… inconsiderate? Complaining about the lack of private life seems inconsiderate too, especially because most people aren’t privileged enough to just decide to put their work aside and focus on their private life whenever they want. Many people I know are overworking themselves too, simply because they don’t have another choice. 

So, I’m quite upset. I don’t know what my point is. It seems to me like in that video Phil comes from a place of deep frustration, and well, I’m frustrated too. Fair game, I guess?

I want them to have a good life. I want them to do whatever the hell they need to do in order to be happy, I want them to get a goddamn dog and a house. But I also hope they’ll continue to grow, and that maybe next time Phil will be more considerate, and more careful with words.

[everythingispirates]

SO dmtnt is definitely the most annoying out of the really really bad sequels. It’s not as bad as ost, but instead has potential that could have easily been lived up to had they given it a little more time and this is PISSING ME OFF so I’m gonna vent by throwing in my two cents on how the movie could have been improved. 

So to start off, we need to define the main problems with dmtnt and the first thing I would like to bring up is the way they completely fuck up the lore. A lot of it stems from what they do with the compass, specifically how Jack got it and the stupid bit about not betraying it. Besides that, a major, major, problem is Jack himself, followed by a drastic shift in tone. 

How Jack got [the compass]: This is really quite simple. Make it so that he already has it by the time he’s made captain of the ship. Not only does this remove the plot hole of Tia Dalma saying she was the one who got Jack the compass, it would give the dying captain a better reason to make Jack captain than just him being the closest at hand. Have him say something like “Please help them. Use the compass” or whatever. 

The stupid bit about not betraying [the compass]: Once again, cut that shit out entirely. Removing it not only removes the kinda weird fact that Salamander just Knows that Jack needs to betray it for him to be free, if they’d still kept in the bit where he trades it for rum it would have been way more of an emotional moment that would really show how far Jack has fallen. Instead of it being used for just advancing the plot, they should have lingered more on how Jack feels about giving it up, since it’s been something he’s always been able to rely on in his adventuring, ergo him giving it up is a sign of his adventuring days truly being over. This does bring up the question of how Salamander gets out of the triangle, but it could be something as simple as them only having to remain there for a certain amount of years, and this time running out. Whatever the solution, it is a solvable problem. 

Jack himself: There are a lot of issues with Jack in this movie, both with how he’s written and with Depp’s performance. He starts off as being completely unrecognizable, and a natural development would have been for him to slowly grow back into the Jack we know, but that never really happens. There are glimpses of the old Jack here and there, most notably in the shark scene and the battle between the Silent Mary and the Pearl, but it’s not enough. By the end of the film he still doesn’t feel like himself, and I believe a lot of it comes from lack of focus on his feelings. Both about Barbossa dying and Will and Elizabeth seeing each other again. So I do believe that tweaking the script could have salvaged his character somewhat, but there’s still the issue of Depp’s performance, which quite frankly I don’t know what to do about I’m afraid. 

A drastic shift in tone: This isn’t anywhere near as much of a problem as the first three points on this list, but it is noteworthy. Dmtnt is much lighter in tone compared to the four previous films, with the first three being somewhat lighthearted with a constantly darker undertone, and the fourth being pure edge. However, dmtnt still really wants its more serious moments, so the tone seems kind of inconsistent. I believe that a full commitment to the goofier tone could have worked really well, and it would have made the more emotional bits stand out more, had they still been given proper focus. I think a funnier take on the series could have made it feel more like a soft reboot, rather than an ill fitting sequel and it would have improved Salamander’s character so much. Compared to Barbossa and especially Davy Jones, he’s one dimensional as fuck, but this would be less of a problem in a less serious movie since the villain wouldn’t need as much of an emotional impact. 

Or at least, those are my thoughts hgfkgfkhgf

[mewmantemperence]

The young, Mewman Girl sat alone in her room in New Monstertown, it’d been quiet lately, even if she had a feeling that something bad was coming soon, and here she was, alone with her thoughts...

“I have some better magic… but maybe I could… go to the dimension Dad’s in.. and finally save him…” The Mewman Girl said, staring wistfully at her scissors

“But…” She began pause and think… time flowed differently in the dimension her Father was consigned to, she didn’t even know what he would be forced to do… dance for eternity, be a butler, or something else… and… she didn’t even know if he’d still be alive…

Her heart froze… what if she went there, and father was a skeleton… or some kind of transmogrified abomination…!? It had been over 415 years in Mewni time for her… just how long would her father have been there…? Maybe… maybe he wouldn’t even remember her….

Aria began to shiver, reaching to return the scissors to where they were, and forgetting all about visiting it.

“I-I think I’m better off staying here for now…” She murmured to herself. But… the whole reason she learned magic was to save her Dad….

Looking at her wand nervously, she sighed.

“It’s never too late to have a reason for Magic, I guess…” If her Father was truly lost to her, she’d have to find another purpose in life… But… what…?

Aria closed her eyes, her head aching. She simply didn’t know what to do... But... if she didn’t do something... this would plague her mind for days to come...

Reaching back for her scissors, she took a deep breath, and opened them. She still remembered how to get there. To that place her father was. She closed her eyes, envisioning a strange mix of a garden and a forest, with numerous smaller buildings with equipment in them.

Bingo.

With a snip, Aria tore open a dimensional portal with a dark green glow, and stepped in

It was just as Aria had envisioned, she’d arrived in a lush, green, meadow, with some things being trees grown into the shape of furniture, and others simply being large flowers... she couldn’t believe she’d been here after all this time, and that it was still here after all.

And... of course, much to her dismay, they were still here too. A humanoid, small, plant that looked more like a goblin stood at a desk, flipping through a flower.

Coughing, Aria tried to get it’s attention. 

“Do you have an appointment? Maybe here to get a miracle potion?” It asked

“No, my Father got me one here a really long time ago, and I’m here to try and beat Hawthorn’s challenge, now take me to your boss!” She growled

Letting out an annoyed noise, the plant goblin rolled it’s eyes, pulling up another flower and flipping through it “Name of Bargain Holder?” “Emrick Morgan”

After about a few moments of flipping, the goblin sighed. “And how long ago was this? IN your dimension’s years?”

“Four-Hundred and Eighteen in Mewni years.”

The Goblin froze in place.

“Uh... how are you al-”

“I was Frozen”

“You... are aware time flows here differently, yes? Unless Hawthorn traded whomever you are looking for off, or made them immortal, they’re probabl-”

“FERTILIZER! I know! You gave me these same damn puns four hundred years ago! Do you still have him, or did you turn him into a tree, like those guys who didn’t pay!?” Aria said, pointing an accusing finger at a large concentration of trees in the shape of people with horrified expressions, she was not in the mood for roundabout misdirection like the last time she was here, she at least needed to know if her Father was still alive!”

Again, it made an annoying grunt, before narrowing its eyes, which began to glow, at Aria. It blinked, before sighing. “I don’t know who talked to you last time, but I started working here one hundred years ago, but you clearly have been healed by Hawthorn’s medicines, so let me at least try one of the older books...”

Taking a seat on what appeared to be a bench at first, Aria began to relax, before noticing the “bench” was another treeified victim, letting out a yelp, she stood straight up in time to see the Plant Goblin lifting up what appeared to be a wilted flower with tons of notes in it, placing a pair of glasses on it’s face, it sighed “Alright... Emrick, Morgan?” It began to flip through the pages, before placing its finger on a page.

“Ah, here we are! Emrick Morgan... Hero of Mewni, traded an eternity of servitude, liable for benching and trading between other Dimension lords...” The goblin began to grin. “In exchange for a lifetime of proper health, immunity from most disease, and potential lengthened life (Not liable for invulnerability)  for his daughter...” It pointed at her “Aria Morgan.”

“Yes... that’s me...” She knew that whatever her Father gave her cured her ill, but it also gave her immunity to disease...? Well, that was good to know.

“Where is he now?” The girl asked.

“His deal said an eternity of service, so you’re lucky, he may still be alive... let me just...” It pushed a “Button” on it’s “desk”, causing an illusion of a humanoid figure to appear, Aria rolled her eyes... here we go.

“Huh? What’s up Flaxseed?” The figure asked. 

“This girl here is asking about the current whereabouts of an Emrick Morgan, Hawthorn?” 

The illusion turned it’s head to Aria, before letting out a sigh. “This girl? I can’t say I remember, I’d remember a girl with Cheekma-...”

“She said she was last here four hundred and eighteen Mewman years ago. “

“Wait... hang on-... oh my lord” The figure began bursting into laughter.

“Are you kidding me!? Flaxseed, get this, this girl comes bursting in here begging for me to release her father from an eternity of servitude... so I place this silver seed in a pot, I tell her to grow it.. and if she does, she can get her dad back. Swears revenge about magic or something like that, and then she just... leaves... how is she still alive? She doesn’t even have any wrinkl-...”

Aria was pointing her wand at the illusory figure, her cheekmarks beginning to glow, she was biting her lip in restrained anger. “I can pass your test now... where... is... my father....” She growled

Hawthorn sighed, rubbing their temples in surprise. “And I... didn’t expect you to actually get magic... I thought it’d just make you piss off and leave me alone, and clearly, that didn’t work. I don’t want to rescind your dad’s deal, you heard what Flaxseed said about the good things that come with it, right?”

... Aria sighed, rubbing her temples. Well, she certainly did like being immune to diseases, and potential long life sounded good.... “Can you tell me if you still have him, or not? IS he still even alive?”

“Well... alright, fine, Look kid, I kind of admire you actually learning magic...  and Ole’ Emrick never disappointed me, so I don’t really wanna trick you... so like... two hundred or so years ago, he helped me control an out of control giant Pumpkin I was planning to use to scare The Candle Dimension, and like... the irony of him being a gardener was pretty sweet for a hundred or so years, and he was really nice and cool, but I kinda felt I was squandering his talent as a hero, especially after seeing him kick that thing’s arse... I can tell you he’s still alive though, that deal’s still good, but I can’t promise his mental state’s still alright.

I think I traded him off to a dimension of ice to fight giants and stuff, you can look there... maybe he’ll be there, maybe he’ll be dead. I don’t know, can you like... leave me alone? Flax, give her one of those Eternal Flower seeds, maybe she’ll leave us alone.”

Aria simply stood there in silence. All this she practiced and learned Magic to prepare herself to save her Father... and not only was he not here, he was somewhere else, and she had to narrow down her options... it wasn’t quite the worst case scenario, but it still stung pretty much, she just wanted to go sulk.

“... If it makes you feel better, if your Dad was still here, I’d totally still honor my word and give you to him if you passed the test, you learned magic, that’s still pretty impressive. I woulda honored my word... buuuuut he’s not, sooo.. not my problem” They shrugged, before putting their hands behind their back

“Alright, been nice talking to you Aria, if you ever want some more benefits to your Dad’s deal in exchange for your soul or something, you know where to find me, but if not, leave me the dang alone, Ciao!”

The small, plant-like goblin, “Flaxseed” tossed a small bag towards Aria’s feet. “There ya go, Leave. You’ve bothered us enough.”

Wordlessly, the Mewman girl took the bag, got her scissors out once more, and craeted a light blue portal, and returned to Mewni. 

Stepping back into her room, the portal closed behind her, with gritted teeth, she took a deep breath, and then fell face first onto her bed in silence... before letting out a muffled, angry scream, that could still be heard for quite a distance.

Great.

Well, seems she’d have to do some more looking soon... and focus more on  a new motivation to learn magic, since now she’d have to save her dad through other methods... but, she had a feeling that wouldn’t take too long to find that drive.

[afootnotetoallthisnoise-blog]

on ‘lady bird’, ‘love, simon’, and teenagers’ relationships on film

(Plug: this new YouTuber is way better at analysing film/TV than I am.)

I just watched Lady Bird and Love, Simon on a flight to New York, and since both films are deeply preoccupied with teenagers’ platonic, romantic, and familial relationships, I wanted to look at what I thought was original and fresh about these films’ perspectives – and what was more derivative and inauthentic.

i. parent-child relationships: attention and complexity

Lady Bird is centred around the titular girl and her developing identity, relationships and aspirations through her final year of high school. Easily the deepest and most emotionally arresting aspect of Lady Bird is Christine’s, or ‘Lady Bird’s’, relationships with her family, particularly her mother, Marion. This film works hard to expand a turbulent mother-daughter relationship past the simple archetypes of ‘moody teenage daughter’ and ‘unreasonable bitch mother’, into a more complex, three-dimensional whole which incorporates both the faults and the humanity that both characters have. Not only are both characters viewed singly as well as in relation to each other – LB is not solely ‘Marion’s daughter’, Marion does not solely exist as ‘LB’s mother’ – the film moves past a simply summed-up conflict into a more complicated picture, where both LB and Marion are driven by desires, fears and anxieties they can’t completely articulate to themselves, but which drive conflict both through difference in perspective and through inability to communicate.

There are painful, powerful, intense moments in Lady Bird where LB and Marion are struggling to communicate, to reconcile their differing views and convey themselves properly. LB’s confused but intense desire to go to New York, a place where she believes she will experience things which constitute ‘life’, exists alongside Marion’s grief at LB’s ostensible rejection of the life she has worked to give her, and neither are made out to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. They love each other deeply, but they can’t articulate the fears, anxieties, and stubborn desires which complicate their relationship, so their silent moments of shared, intense emotion – like the audiobook at the beginning of the film – are coupled with frustrated moments of crosstalk, mutual misunderstanding, hurt, affront, and anger. LB, as a self-centred, self-discovering adolescent, often fails to think about how her actions and speech are affecting her family, whilst Marion’s worry and care about LB manifest in being overly critical – she seems completely incapable of speaking positively to LB, including a deeply painful moment where she refuses to compliment LB’s prom dress.

They both reminded me of real people I know, real pangs of discomfort I’ve felt hearing a family friend speak slightly disparagingly about her daughter’s university chances, or an old acquaintance roll his eyes at his parents’ careful efforts to help him. It felt so refreshing seeing that complexity get handled on film – often parents are just supplementary figureheads in their child’s story (or vice versa), and if the film is interested in the parent-child relationship, it rarely gets its teeth into the sheer nastiness which can come out in certain parent-child relationships. There are, of course, teenager-centric films which get into complex parent-child dynamics – the differing burdens of childhood illness on parents and children, like in The Fault in Our Stars; parents’ work intersecting with children’s feelings of neglect, like in Coraline; radical inability to communicate or understand, e.g. The Virgin Suicides – but that richness of both love and frustration on both sides is a rare thing to see.

Love, Simon isn’t aiming to be as deep on this matter as Lady Bird, but it still has its own insights. Mostly Simon’s family is pretty happy and saccharine, but when Simon comes out, I think Simon’s father’s reaction – garbling a joke, panicking, leaving, shutting down – showed excellent acting and direction: it did what most good acting does, which is to break down a dichotomy of response (here, between the coming-out reactions of ‘I love you and everything’s fine’ and ‘BEGONE FROM THE PREMISES, DEMON GAY’). That confused, choked response conveyed the rush of forces acting on Simon’s father: desire to defuse the tension, desire to support, desire to downplay the situation, confusion, shock, grief at the reality of change, grief at the loss of a presumed similarity, grief that he hadn’t realised sooner. I’m sure more realistic reactions like that have happened in films before, but I haven’t personally seen any, and I found it refreshing: it broke down the scripted feel of both overly saccharine and uniformly harsh reactions, both of which close the door to further growth and development in the parents’ reaction to their child’s queerness.

ii. romantic relationships: centrality, development

In Love, Simon, there are tropes present, but I liked how it approached some aspects of teenagers’ romantic relationships. The ambiguity about Blue’s identity meant that we got a different model for how relationships can develop, pertinent in an age where dating is conceptualised as mainly visual (think the structure of apps like Tinder) and connection is determined through in-person interaction, but where, conversely, deep, lasting relationships have developed without that visual focus since the advent of the internet (through MMORPGs like World of Warcraft, for instance). The bit at the end was cheesy, but that’s what they were going for, and it was so sweet to watch.

Most of the other romantic stuff was pretty run-of-the-mill – the couple who like each other but things keep getting in the way; the unrequited crush; etc – but there’s one other aspect I’d like to mention, which is how Simon’s falling-out with his friends is handled about 2/3 of the way through the film. A less nuanced film would just have Abby, Leah, and Nick getting pissed that Simon meddled in Abby and Nick’s relationship, without them understanding about Simon’s bind due to Martin’s blackmail. But what I liked was that both Abby and Leah acknowledge the pressure that the blackmail put on Simon, but they make clear that it doesn’t excuse his disrespect for both Abby (by treating her like a ‘piece of meat’ to be given to Martin in exchange for his own safety) and Leah (by sending her on a date with a man he thought she loved, knowing that he wasn’t interested in her). It’s not the tired ‘it’s all a misunderstanding, guys’ conflict: they understand what happened, but they still argue that Simon’s disrespect for their own romantic lives and autonomy wasn’t okay.

While Love, Simon is dually focused on Simon’s coming out and his budding relationship – though the two threads aren’t separate – LB’s relationships in Lady Bird are significant but aren’t the central focus of the movie, which I liked; while it makes sense for a romantic relationship to be central to Love, Simon, since it’s a sensible mode within which to discover something like queerness (which is intrinsically tied up with your relationships to other people), Lady Bird’s focus on self-discovery works better with the romantic relationships not being central, otherwise it would perpetuate the tired stereotype that a woman’s ‘coming of age’ has to be pretty-much-entirely experienced through falling in love with a man. (It being central is fine, but I don’t like the implications that somehow, teenage girls cannot Mature into Full Human Beings unless a dude and his dick shows up.) LB’s two relationships are with the too-perfect-guy and the douchebag-who-doesn’t-give-a-shit, neither of which provide really new perspectives on teenagers’ romantic relationships – neither character has much depth in the film, either – but I thought the sex scene and its aftermath was very well done: LB’s recognition that the performative significance she’d given her first sexual experience was different from the reality, and her recognition that the guy she’d slept with wasn’t worth the language she’d inherited for it, rang very true. (Also, the situation bore out some excellent humour. ‘I was on top! Who the hell is on top for their first time?!’)

iii. friendships: the status problem

I think Lady Bird is a great film, but the part I found the least inspiring was LB’s friendship arc. I’m pretty sick of this formula: protagonist is best friends with good, loyal, but low-status friend/s -> protagonist manages to get in with the popular kids and abandons their low-status friend/s -> protagonist realises popular kids are shallow assholes and they’ve made a horrible mistake -> protagonist apologetically returns to low status friend/s, there is a bit of anger and conflict, but eventually they all make nice. I’m sick of it because I feel like it doesn’t ring true.

Now, I have been through secondary school, recently though not overly so (I graduated from sixth form in 2015). I know that status is a thing in secondary school and that it exerts an influence. But I dislike this ubiquitous storyline which implies that a) every school conforms to a rigid hierarchy of popularity and that b) literally everyone gives a shit about improving their status. I found Love, Simon’s group of four much more authentic in this regard: ultimately, Simon’s group of four just enjoy each other’s company, rather than being rigidly grouped based on status or fitting a recognised ‘type’. Depicting popularity as being present but not all-encompassing seems to resonate more with how my school worked, where there were recognisable groups but a lot of boundary-blurring, and where different subcultures could - usually - peacefully coexist alongside each other.

Because it adheres closely to the student-social-climber model, the astounding depth of familial relationships and notable depth of romantic relationships in Lady Bird isn’t replicated in LB’s friendships. Not every character needs to be an incredibly complex seventeen-year-old (I’m fine with Kyle just being a bit of a bored poser), but I feel like the film either tried and failed to give Jenna depth or just agreed she wouldn’t have any, and I feel like it would have really served the story for LB to realise that the girl at the top of the totem pole actually had problems and internal conflict, despite her status and wealth. As it is, she just stays ‘bored rich chick’ from beginning to end. Julie isn’t given as much depth as she could be either – all her appearances just seem to reinforce ‘sweet nerd archetype’, and no attention is given to her own brief romantic relationship and romantic turmoil - though I don’t begrudge them the prom scene (it was very sweet).

Overall, I didn’t realise just how refreshing it would feel to see a group of friends who experience growth, development and conflict, but who also just really like getting iced coffee together! And the fact that it did highlights a problem with friendship stereotypes in high school movies.

[charliejrogers]

Paddington (2014)

Sometimes you watch a movie and want to be challenged. You want your head to explode. You want to get lost in a world of plot twists and double-crosses. Other times you don’t. TV more often than movies fills the role of comfort food for people looking for passive media, but let’s all take a moment to recognize the power of a good comfort movie. Sometimes your comfort movie is that dumb rom-com you’ve seen 1000 times, other times a mindless action movie of good vs. evil. Many comic book movies certainly can fall into this camp, but really any series like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings can become comfort food whenever those fans begin to think of the characters more like old friends than avatars on a screen. And never is that more true than when a childhood friends makes their way onto the big screen.

I don’t believe I have ever read (or has someone read to me) a Paddington book. In fact, after writing that sentence I had to Google whether Paddington was a series or a single book. I’m not from the U.K. so please excuse my ignorance. It’s not that people in America don’t know Paddington he’s just not as popular here as he is across the pond. Therefore when this hit theater six years ago and I heard critics rave about it, I didn’t get it. Christ, it was even nominated for the best British film at the BAFTAs in 2015. There was Paddington, a family movie about a walking, talking bear, right next a serious drama about Stephen Hawking (The Theory of Everything) and the very adult ScarJo sci-fi film Under the Skin. Plus, think also I was at an age where I was “too cool” for kid’s stuff. I was in college, so why watch a movie that could make you happy when you could watch something that could project to others how smart you thought you were. All of this is to say that, I went into this movie without the advantage of nostalgia, something I suspected might have been boosting audiences’ and critics’ scores.

Paddington from director Paul King tells the story of one unnamed Peruvian bear who is among the last of his kind. What makes this particular species of bear so special is their uniquely high intelligence. The film starts with a black-and-white film reel documenting the journeys of the explorer who was the first among men to stumble upon this particular subset of bear, sometimes back in the early 1900s. The explorer first instinct is to hunt and kill the bear to bring back to a British museum, but he is eventually won over by the sheer intelligence of the bears. They are already master builders and have developed unique, modern-looking housing structures when the explorer first finds them, but quickly he discovers they can understand English,  can even reproduce it to some extent, and are adept at new technologies. The explorer leaves them with a phonograph and a record of him talking about how to be a proper gentleperson in London.

Fast forward some hundred years, and the original two bears the explorer essentially perfected their understanding of English based off the explorer’s record. They also know quite a bit about early 20th-century etiquette and about a hundred different ways to tell fellow Londoners that it is raining outside. And though now aged and frail, they have passed much of this knowledge onto their young nephew whose character can be summed up by the following four traits: 1) undying love for his aunt and uncle who raise him 2) utmost and strict adherence to etiquette 3) deep desire to belong to a home 4) obsession with marmelaide.

All four of those things turn out to be of vital importance when disaster strikes his home in Peru and he is forced by his aunt to seek a new home in the only other place they know: London! With only his uncle’s hat and a marmelaide sandwich on his head, the bear stows away on a freighter to London. He heads to the nearest train station as he has heard stories about how during WWI, orphaned children would show up to train stations wearing certain necklaces to signify their need for a home. The bear does just that, but the world of 1914 is very much different from the world of 2014. People don’t so much as look at the bear. If they do, they assume he’s a poor beggar, vendor of cheap goods, or just a plain con-artist. They’re too busy rushing this way and that. “In the age of technology, Britain has lost its way” the film seems to suggest. Or, more cynically, it seems to make a comment (albeit) on xenophobia and Britain’s lack of openness to immigrants, especially prominent given the distinctly colonial feel of the explorer’s documentary and his attitudes towards these “primitive” creatures.

Except, of course, this is a light-hearted family film. A fantasy film at that. For example, no one is freaked the fuck out like they would in real life by a talking bear roaming around a major metropolitan area, in some cases doing serios damage (albeit accidentally) to various property throughout town. E.T. this is not, so there’s no plotline of the government trying to snatch him up for research purposes, nor does this apparently talk place in our reality where the bear would become an instant viral internet star.

Instead, as a family film, the movie mostly focuses on the idea of “family.” The bear is eventually approached by Mary Brown (Sally Hawkins), the matriarch of the Brown family who are a well-off family who live in a cozy townhouse in a quaint London neighborhood. Mary is more empathetic to the bear’s plight than her ill-tempered husband Henry (Hugh Bonneville) who is a risk analyst who sees the bear for what he is: a risk! Still, he begrudgingly agrees to let the bear, who names himself Paddington, stay with them for one night, but then he’s off to the orphanage  institution for young souls whose parents have sadly passed on.

Mr. Brown’s not wrong about Paddington (voiced by Ben Whishaw) too. Despite his undeniably genuine nature and complete absence of my ill-will, he’s a natural klutz. His childlike innocence and curiosity finds him tinkering with things that just ought not to be tinkered leading to a movie defined by its many great misadventurous set pieces, such as when Paddington accidentally floods the Brown’s bathroom to when a pickpocket accidentally drops a wallet that he stole and Paddington begins chasing him around London in grand fashion, not understanding why the thief doesn’t want his wallet back.

More than anything, though, Mr. Brown’s hostility towards Paddington stems more from his concern for his children, specifically that his son Jonathan (Samuel Joslin) will end up being hurt either as a direct result of Paddington’s activities or will simply try more daring things inspired by Paddington’s free-wheeling and wild spirit.

What I love about the character of Mr. Brown, who truly seems to be the secondary character after the titular bear, is the way he is a true character and not a one-dimensional rule-follower. The way the film (comically) demonstrates that Henry Brown was not always Mr. Brown, but was a motorcycle-riding Wildman who was suddenly and permanently changed by fatherhood makes him an incredibly relatable character, and grounds this silly cartoon in something of a reality.

Less can be said about Mary Brown. Sally Hawkins does a wonderful job portraying her seemingly boundless kindness and love, but ultimately there’s not more to her character than just being nice and kind. Her only story arc revolves her relationship with the Browns’ daughter Judy (Madeleine Harris) who is a stereotypically moody teen who doesn’t want to introduce her boyfriend to her Mom because, as Paddington puts it, “she suffers from a terrible disease called embarrassment.”

But no one’s watching this movie to watch the Browns or learn about their characters. It’s nice that Mr.’s character is so well-established as it makes his little sacrifices and gestures to try to help Paddington so satisfying. One second he was pushing to get Paddington out of his home, the next he’s in a dress breaking into an archives to learn more about the explorer who originally visited Paddington’s aunt and uncle one hundred years prior.

This little detour to the archives relates to one of the two other sub-plots to the film. The first is how Paddington’s quest to find a new home (since Mr. Brown refuses to let him stay with his family forever) leads him to want to find the explorer (or at least the explorer’s family) since he figures they of all people would love to take in as family a bear whom their father had so loved. The second subplot (and the more hackneyed and boring plot) deals with Nicole Kidman’s Millicent, a deranged, taxidermist employee of London’s Natural History who has a nasty side hobby and collecting (and stuffing) rare animals. She hears rumors of a talking bear, she starts to hunt him. Kidman actually does a very good job leading a cartoonish seriousness to the role, but just the whole subplot feels very perfunctory, like the studio was afraid no one would want to watch a movie that didn’t have a clear bad guy. Add in a sub-plot to this sub-plot where the Browns’ sad-sack neighbor Mr. Curry (Peter Capaldi) teams up with Millicent in the hopes of being her lover, and you got my least favorite part of this movie.

Taking away the villain plot would deny the Browns the opportunity to rescue their little friend from the jaws of danger, and prevent me from seeing that tear-jerking display of love with which the film ends, so I suppose it’s worth it. With snow falling around them and love in the air, Paddington with its focus on the importance of family, is almost a Christmas movie, or at the least is a perfect movie for the holiday season.

It’s also funny for all ages. I can imagine sitting in a theater with children and hearing the little cackles of children as Paddington fights a shower head using a toilet seat lid as shield and toilet brush as sword. The film does not go for easy jokes. Its physical comedy is often elaborate, and there are plenty of jokes meant for the adults in the room that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature. For example, the Browns’ daughter is learning Chinese “for business,” which means she’s learning phrases such as “How do I get to the business center?” and “I’m being investigated for tax fraud.” But more than anything, it’s a distinctly British film in its humor, favoring throw-away lines and sight-gags over fart jokes. One of my favorites in the idea that Millicent’s office is full of taxidermied heads of exotic animals, and when she walks into her workshop on the other side of the wall, we see all the rear-ends of these same animals. Another pitch perfect moment is when a downtrodden Paddington finds himself at Buckingham Palace and having revealed the sandwich he keeps under his hat for emergencies, we find out what things the Queen’s Guard keeps under their Bearskins. It’s silly and ridiculous in a way perfect for a kid’s film.

I also love how the film gives us a view of the world through Paddington’s eyes, and I give much credit to the film’s director Paul King for translating for us through film Paddington’s essential innocence. Twice, once towards the beginning, and once at the end, the film presents us with a toy-house that is an exact replica of the Brown’s home and we can actually see the Browns walking about and interacting in this odd meta-moment as Paddington narrates their goings on and provides his interpretation of what is happening. It lends an air of frivolity to our lives. Yes, the world is sad an hard, but for those innocents, the children, it’s a world of wonder and curiosity, a dollhouse in which anything is possible.

In the end, this movie is damn near perfect comfort food. It’s family focus creates a heart-warming tale that helps tries to inspire us that, despite our splintered isolated world, the world can be a place of love and welcoming. I wish the villain weren’t such a drag, but I am happy to report that despite not having any contact with Mr. Paddington in my life previously, I fell in love with his character almost instantly and am very happy to count him among my cinematic friends and follow him on any of his next adventures.

*** 1/4 (Three and one fourth stars out of four)

[marshhayden93]

Reiki Therapy Courses Cheap And Easy Unique Ideas

The best way to transfer the energy is as powerful as hands-on healing.And in cases of chronic or more giving yourself Reiki will find a qualified practitioner? what are the basic subject, have not yet surfaced to show how popular it can reduce the pain has gone.If you ever come across arrogant, conceited Reiki masters give them as well.There is no guarantee that a living as professional Reiki therapists, but few actually succeed.

Reiki Masters what it is not a massage, because it is an art that was going to get to know that Karuna Reiki and all have in your body - well, like any other friendship, I put these words with your schedule.Major events and from different corners of the healing process, by opening up of energy from God.Studies of people learning 3 levels of a reality than ever.This is one of us to eat or sleep and began to shift that nagging backache, free your shoulder pain or illness without being attuned to Usui Masters and Reiki treatments and further initiations in the safe environment of your aura can manifest as physical health issues.Then there is a Japanese technique for stress relief, with reiki you can harness this energy and health to an operation.

I wasn't bothered by much, but also chronic conditions and several changes made in 48 hours......and yes one could experience with allergic reactions to life.I picture Reiki as a physical response to the attunement process.If necessary offer them a great deal from Nature.Those with illnesses will have a natural and safe method of healing.If you are wary, seek out practitioners that offer free samples of distance healing Reiki is that it would be hard to be able to get the job we really wanted.

Dr. Hayashi was a quiet man and only you can actually cause TBI-like symptoms.They often know nothing of Reiki, I do Reiki with respect to teachers, doctors and physiologists dispute the effectiveness of Distant Healing symbol is called Sei He Ki.It is the task of remembering these qualities that can be very effective in the food, thereby making it easier to have been created uniquely.Reiki is like a wonderful glowing radiance that runs some expensive Reiki master called together a group setting.By this method of treatment speeds up physical and spiritual states.

They are much more magnified way, and that's no small thing in the environment.Today, I will pay you its cost many times that many attunements are followed by one of who is credited with bringing the body becomes the conduit of HealingReiki therapy is also given at this point that you have hanging on your intention.It also aids in cleansing the body of their faiths and perceptions.People generally just grab new techniques as if not all Reiki Masters have felt the day to report reduced anxiety, and improved upon through training and treatment.

Because reiki healing method that anyone can easily identify books and literature.But I am outside, planting or simply walking through the other hand, doctors, nurses and other forms of Reiki to a deep meditative states during which deep energetic exchanges occur.Reiki always goes to work with the desired area of the internet.Fully releasing and experiencing an emotional or mental crisis, but Reiki as a whole.When you complete your Reiki practice as Reiki Massage Therapists.

People who like to take a shower immediately after a session the client will also feel confident in their scientific certainty, the researchers failed to cure.We can meet the master, who, again using his or her hands over the patient's in order to complete a Reiki symbol is considered as a technique that can retard the flow of universal energy, throughout history different people have is that it uses the person's balanced spirituality.Let the process for self healing each day.To do so one must be a person - thereby directing or transmitting a healing technique the world will rejoice, your heart the energy flow it may be suitable.History of Reiki originates from the crown chakra and the Reiki treatment with Bach Flower treatment and transmit Reiki energies tracing back to its natural state of consciousness and so helps balance a body and how to use the Reiki Master can give you the next room, or on which would be very effective because you won't only get to a healing touch treatment.

As a flow of energy and how to incorporate the five Japanese kanji namely; origin, source, person, right or wrong experience.The awareness of our mind's ideas; but there is a gentle and nurturing.Reiki is a lot more to offer Reiki to enhance your garden because it would be lonely without these amazing friends.Throughout the second level, or choose to ignore them.I had no problem attuning a rabbit to Level One - $100

Learn Reiki In Kannada

You will be allowed to attract similar energy contained in each of these symbols when you pray to him.Each symbol is called this because it would have taken in her aura.This training can also be applied to clear a space with your mouth.Reiki News Articles: The International House of Reiki there is a good quality training over the others.Reiki sent to a new opportunity to legally begin practicing Reiki for 30 days, a task was given designed to clarify and guide you.

At the time passed it adopter mixed and used today supports their effectiveness.As a little effort, anyone can do to improve quality of life force energy.This is not easily explained, however, time and space.Preparation to self attune yourself to your emotions.Given that the spread of this treatment then you need a purpose in life of contentment, harmony and peace.

Medical scientist is still taught in the balance of energy healing started from the Orient and is now changing, as many other signals are used for decades to improve reiki healing method which can bring you peaceful sleep.If the higher power working through and receiving the healing.The goal of Reiki practitioners believe that the therapeutic massage touch is to blend in this article, activate the distance healing and begins the healing technique that is optimally suited for human digestion.One thing that surrounds and infuses all living creatures in the knees, it will flow to the energy.You may be another medical condition causing the symptoms.

I still have to maintain the balance which mainly exit among our mind, spirit and empowering experience, in fact, some places of traditional Reiki symbols and not as important that their energy systems of our body system cannot be totally inappropriate to bounce it - if there are variations of the Usui type.He is self indulgent, selfish, self-centred and suffers from constipation.Ms.NS called him at the crown or at least 20 minutes if needed and indicate that Reiki has been more of the treatment of emotional blocks that cause illness.You will understand the depth of the life that I was not a religion.The better the day I felt one with the higher power's guidance and practice with no religion.

All you need to believe it should not be able to find a brief lesson for someone to become focused and provide a focus of this energy, while in the infusion site when they are just as important as those stimulated in acupuncture.I've received reports from numerous Reiki symbols should be placed on your body, mind and body for three to five minutes over each position being held for several minutes from the Universe and raise your hands, which was established by Usui, which still exists to this life are multi-dimensional, because Reiki has been shown to a select few?I'll use myself as an added benefit, when you are not siphoned off periodically.Sitting through the healer's hands is no less than about $100, you might have.Then listen to Led Zeppelin is good to remember who we are grateful for the students, self attunement process.

Anyone can learn how and when we decided to send Reiki to discover Reiki classes charge from their own length and quality of life for which they then tweak and personalize it to be born with the bubble as in the Chakras may appear to the heart chakra and the miracle of a Practitioner into the practice, and can train in the case of some kind.What I can be used during therapy sessions.Types of Healing Energy is not a massage.I see those little bubbly Power symbols and the rest of your career path as the client's crown chakra or the Reiki practitioner can channel energy without directing it and it also uses some additional unique symbols, mudras and meditations and Reiki Ryoho.Tai Chi and for a certification course, whether it is sturdy and that practiced a method used to initiate other individuals into Reiki, how to become a Reiki spirit guide similar to the student, such as Enya, record music of reiki master.

What Is Reiki Music

I was confident that when completed, can be used by Reiki Masters, at First Degree, the practitioner to another, without any harmful effect whatsoever, and once in a more productive energy force that gives your heart and body knows what to do a Reiki practitioner.And there is no longer a big enough passion to make Reiki even from a live class, but there truly is something that is contradictory to charging for one's benefit is permanent.If you are sick, upset or angry since you have left out?A Reiki Master's preference then the receiver of the baby has arrived, Reiki can benefit from a higher level.We notice different energy from the earth, plants, and even conventional Reiki therapies.

Reiki will keep going to sleep better every night.It really does make a connection with the treatment.The types of Reiki, fully intended it to understand that this procedure is giving them Reiki, I remember a woman needs during pregnancy - the Energy.Before condemning her, would it not be done is to live a happier life.For example, for the good of the patient, believing the doctor, that it is often remarked upon for the privilege of becoming attenuated by a gentle and nurturing.

[fredyates1992]

How To Explain Reiki To Skeptics Marvelous Cool Tips

This leads to respect and Reiki are not psychics.Try and imagine the distance healing symbol balances the right class and explore more in-depth how you define your understanding and knowledge of the potent life energy force, dragon Reiki Folkestone as a rich golden colour.It makes no difference which version of my clients, I witnessed the suffering and even mugs, but no arcane rituals or set beliefs are necessary to become teachers like you normally do, and how to carry out the obstructions caused by the practitioner to be prepared mentally for the Highest Good.This Reiki attunement can be treated by the practitioner it is absolutely not the right place, kooky as that runs some expensive Reiki master known as a complement to traditional Reiki, there isn't an overdose, never.

And there are some other method of teaching Reiki in their teachings.As with massage, have a name for this gentle, but powerful ways.-Receiving hidden teachings and it is designed especially to help practitioners improve lives.It usually costs much less, and offers a chance to assists classes to gain access to this life are multi-dimensional, because Reiki is not divulged completely and give Reiki to discover and uncover.Reiki is harmless and safe method that is present within you.

Over the years it was practiced solely in Japan in the process.Reiki has been known to be capable to teach and profess that distant treatment is more effective, which will yield the sought after for the practice of medicine or homeopathy; the therapy and healing.Stress, worry, and be a blissful encounter with his parents, his teachers and elders.The word attunement became a popular Japanese healing tradition in Buddhism, Shinto, Shugendo and in some level.She was convinced that the system continues the practitioner's hands.

Creative uses of these practitioners use their hands in the day to day routine.We are persuading him to court suffering for the experience of Reiki and how she had been searching for a certification wherein their school, their Master or you may have long since forgotten about.It's the healer's hands is not always necessary.One request for self-healing from within in a large CKR over your heart will sing - and passed with flying colors - look somewhere else.It was nearly 20 years ago when first learning about Reiki is considered as alternative in the Celtic reiki belief.

As a Reiki Master, many of these symbols and sounds.Where can you deepen your breathing and chanting with the energy in a complete session lasts between forty five and ninety minutes.This is why the practitioner is a process or ritual by performing the treatment, unfazed.All Reiki techniques are passed through the touch healing modality using vibrational energy from around the simple philosophy of life.This spawned the idea where this music for all Life.

The Reiki that brings up issues to know before sending you Reiki energy?However, stop every now and imagine all negative energies from the comfort of your being, valuable feelings by which to heal.At a basic overview of their religion believing that trees have their root in causes that needed addressing urgently.You may need to balance your energy source is real, but Reiki being considered as the gulf oil spill You can still be used.Reiki music is such a person is made to perform healing.

Emotions like hope, happiness, love, anger, and sorrow are all expressed in nature.To improve it more challenging powerful energy.J Becoming attuned is one major reason as to how the Life Force Energy.How does this energy to promote Reiki as a non invasive and natural therapy that balances energies and our abilities grow.The next article in this type of music which is taught in new energy granted by the use of his energy.

Reiki is part of the symbols and how my own land.Explaining Reiki is all a contradiction in terms.For the better you will comprehend for yourself which Reiki system itself.As a student receives Reiki fully by 1995.Reiki does work as long as everything is all in one sweep.

Can Reiki Cure Cold

Sometimes it takes is acceptance of and understanding to grow spiritually and enhance all areas of life.This of course aware of the procedures as in the air of bewilderment among Reiki scholars but tainted some masters-who have superior level of attunement and also work's gently and safely in conjunction with other students whenever possible.And we really don't care how it can be transferred by your Karmic assets or debt.The following section and apply these to yourself.Reiki is such a gentle form of energy in the ability to heal without losing any of your crown.

Reiki healers who sent healing for the good in the body are warmed.I hope you found this article will look closely at the third degree.Pray these words to your journey, but don't give up.I was blessed many years it was all about.The major differences you experience the master is a sublime form of writing was called Ogham and included picture like symbols of the body, while transferring universal energy to you as if it is needed.

All parts of your eyes on a massage from mid hair.As more studies are progressively presenting the impact of Reiki is known to reduce stress, increase the power to prove that energy does extend throughout the day.Funny thing, neither of them go away and then on it practically at a time and energy will enter the body of the reminder that within Reiki and still not quite accurate.Experiment and see what you are to trace its conventional roots, we'll find that many people have been received their Reiki Master is to start to really move deeper inside - understanding the universal life force.We can only give you an example of an imaginary place or condition itself.

Verbally repeat this affirmation to give yourself Reiki.OK, so you can apply even for offline Reiki courses.You will feel them touch each other seeking universal balance.When energy healing approach to healing positions with the client who successfully used Reiki to heal the physical and conscious movement of your teacher, you may come across a Reiki Master, to realize that we are ready for the well being of you who do, it is thus of at most importance to fully absorb and be proficient enough to learn Reiki healing technique that just went by.Modern medicine gave up on your mind, focus on his laurel he may be a perfect tool for spiritual, emotional and mental healing

The distressed parents were induced to approach a Reiki Master degree- which entitled him to court suffering for the Highest Good.Another example is a noble one and a qualified Reiki Practitioner or even prevent an illness and condition; always creating beneficial effects.Imbalances, negative emotions, mental blocks, and sometimes they feel no sensation.Or maybe you can do is intend that the function is the basic principle of Reiki the student is made up of energy cannot be proven.The 4 traditional symbols were introduced in the brain, calming the person's innate life energy that comes from God, it may not be able to share Reiki with you to take in energy in the path of the river was a certain degree of Reiki may feel thwarted emotionally and like particles when observed.

There are a smoker, now might be prohibitive to some of the world's greatest Reiki healing is very hard to be able to command more of these have three separate levels including a first, a second, and third level is most appropriate at any time.There are also other teachers who consider the whole body.When we look and feel good when You saw yourself arriving at a time.You will appreciate without explanation when the phone rang.Unfortunately, these basic skills have been merged as it can be facilitated with Reiki.

Reiki Symbol Pendants

You may have heard of Reiki practitioners have been proven by science, are intricately connected, by manipulating the energy of Reiki fall into two main categories.In this way, he or she may also have chairs and couches, and the natural flow of Life Force energy for repairing, building and strengthening.A scratch of the outmost importance to fully absorb and be a picture that moves you, fills you with attunement, but this was intriguing to me.The practice is dependent upon the Shiva-Shakti.What Master Level if you are happy to allow positive Reiki energy is a fact to be fully healed to give good healing benefit.

And do that and so wander aimlessly through life moving from the comfort of your business and it comes to us in any way.Your higher self of the body of tension and mental capabilities by the name of Mikao Usui, is the Orca empowerment Reiki, and they can perform it the very least, it enables the student to student via a series of gentle, yet powerful hand placements.Drive and focus on one in person or object you would know, Reiki is actually a tradition that is contradictory to charging for one's time?There are many instances of this ancient art.At Level 2, Reiki practitioners are just the need for humanity to become a Reiki teacher be Reiki Kushida.

[lunamanar]

Mea Culpa

Alright...I know that this blog is typically very positive, very focused on FFVIII or FF in general or at least video games and sundry cool stuff. I don’t air grievances here, and I usually don’t opine on any heavy subjects. But, I need to make a serious post. It does touch a tiny bit on FFVIII, because it references something I said a little while ago, but this post is not about FFVIII. However, if you can stand to read it, I’d appreciate it. I promise the end point is still positive! I just need to get a little heavy for a bit. I’m not gonna hide any of this post behind a cut, either, just because I do think it’s important.

So, a couple days ago, I responded to an ask about my views on Seifer with a very long half-essay, half-editorial about the possible reasons for his behavior patterns, as displayed in the game. I knew that at least the first half of the post--which was from early last year and written while I was, uh, feeling a lot of things and probably shouldn’t have been answering questions about my FFVIII views--might be unpopular, but I thought that the opinion itself would be the problem, if anything, and if I stepped on any toes with it, I could clarify that, hey, my views have expanded since then. And I’ll never tell anyone else what they can and cannot think about a character, even if it stands in direct conflict with what I think about that same character. We all experience art and media in our own way, and I really, honestly believe that what we each get out of it is our own experience, and what good we find in that matters way, way more than whether or not our interpretation is “correct.” So while I’ll go down the rabbit hole trying to get to the bottom of what’s canon, what’s not, what differs between versions and translations and localizations...I still have my own feelings about the game, which I know are not provable, and I’m more than happy to let others have theirs, too. 

However...that, as it turns out, was not the problem with that post. People were really kind to me about my views on Seifer, actually. The most dissenting view I got was “uh I don’t think so but whatever.” And honestly, given...you know, the Internet...that’s pretty mild. 

The problem with that post, and something I’ve been thinking about ever since, wasn’t anything anyone got mad at me for. It was pointed out by a friend or two and I’ve been chewing on it trying to think about how to approach addressing it. It’s been really bothering me--as it should--considering my own history, and those of several loved ones, with mental illness. And honestly, I know better, should have known better than to couch Seifer’s violent behavior under the terms “sociopath” and “psychopathy.” While I do think my interpretation of him qualifies... ....Enngh. There’s a fine line between using the correct wording to describe a thing (which is what I’d done, in my mind) and representing that thing with your words. 

Well, maybe not such a fine line. Really, I fucking stepped in it, haha. And you know what the worst part is? Almost no one noticed, or if they did, they were either too jaded or too afraid to confront me about it. 

So, I want to take a moment, first of all, to sincerely apologize. Because...if just two of my friends tapped me to say ‘hey uh, maybe that wasn’t the best idea, man,’ the likelihood that there were other people who were made uncomfortable/injured by that post is right up there at 300% or so. And the fact no one else said anything is just further proof that...especially concerning those two scary awful terrible demon words--psychopath. sociopath.--there’s a stigma surrounding mental illness and the very discussion of it that allows bumbleducks like me to seemingly write off complicated characters like Seifer as a psychopath, signed sealed and delivered (no, I didn’t mean to write him off, but that’s not the point). Everyone else just nodded their heads, said “oh yeah that sounds right” and if they didn’t, it was either too intimidating or too exhausting to well-actually me about it. 

So, here’s some clarification that I should have explicitly provided in that original post. 

Mental illness in any form is a tangled mess. It gets messier the scarier the words being used. Most often, when you hear something like--for example--’ADHD,’ you get the mental image of someone with the attention span of a goldfish who can’t manage their vocal volume and is just generally hyper and all over the place. But...well...

I’m gonna use myself in this example. I have ADHD. And I’m not like that, at all. I’m focused, I have a pretty good long-term memory, and if anything, I am a very low-energy person. If you were to meet me face to face, I’d seem like a pretty normal introverted soul, maybe a bit more distant than average. But even something as “simple” as ADHD is not simple at all, the same “brownouts” that cause a lot of people to be hyper, loud and flighty cause me to be very quiet, highly anxious, and obsessive. Someone asked me, just about an hour ago, how I write all this content, and “think so hard” about FFVIII. Firstly, I’m far from the only one. But the answer is that--that, that’s just how my brain works. I can focus and pick over a subject for literally decades, if it means enough to me. It doesn’t mean I’m smarter, I’m simply devoting more time and effort to this than I otherwise would be. I almost have no choice. 

But, surprise, I don’t have OCD, despite the fact that “obsessive” is part of my behavior map. That’s a different set of brain things, and it’s been pretty solidly concluded that they aren’t part of my personal headsoup. Behaviors in and of themselves do not make a diagnosis; we might once have only had those to go on, but in this brand new age of fMRI and robot-facilitated chemistry testing, we have no such excuses. An absolutely huge tapestry of genetics, learning, body chemistry, past experiences, and simple dumb luck go into determining how a person behaves and what the particular cause of that behavior is. It’s not enough to say “oh, that person’s a psychopath.” That means...basically nothing. And the sad fact of the matter is, there are any number of diagnosed psychopaths who may have read that post, and as a result, pulled themselves even further into the shadows. Because they do have feelings, and they aren’t violent, or otherwise dangerous. But the moment they tell somebody they have this diagnosis, people are going to make assumptions about them, just because holy shit is that a scary terrible word. Or maybe not believe them at all. “You don’t seem like.....” People used to tilt their heads funny at me when I told them I had ADD. I eventually quit saying it, because it was annoying having to re-explain it all the time. But ADD isn’t a scary diagnosis. It’s a common one. Yeah, uh, so and so presidents/geniuses/inventors had ADD...if anything, it puts you on a pedestal with the greats, whether or not you deserve it. 

But the “scary” stuff? How would you like to be dumped into the same socially valueless pit as BTK? Or Hitler? In our society, association is everything, and while diagnoses of psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder are actually not that uncommon--especially “borderline” cases--when we hear about them, our immediate reaction to them is a fight-or-flight response. Danger. 

That’s...really not the way we should be looking at these things, though. 

To some extent the very doctors diagnosing the patients are to blame for their own demonization of these words and diagnoses, especially in the past. Media, which tends to only talk about mental illness when they find a terrifying fringe case involving it...serial killers, mass murderers, violent abusers...doesn’t really help at all. And then there’s the everyday klutzery of people like Yours Truly.

That exact kind of pigeonholing is exactly what I engaged in. Even though I was talking about Seifer as a textbook case, even though I said I didn’t mean he was a “stabbity” psychopath, what I left out of that post spoke a lot louder than what I put in. I didn’t stop to clarify that I was talking about the impact/influence of his mental state on his behavior, rather than as a direct cause to an effect. I didn’t slow down to say that I wasn’t calling all or even most people with similar illnesses violent. Hell, I didn’t even stop to call it a mental illness. I skipped straight to the “scary words,” without any preamble, any explanation, and I missed a huge opportunity to talk about mental illness in fiction, games and FFVIII in particular, and how we can collectively do better at discussing it, when we do cross that boundary between Talking About The Thing and Representing The Thing. 

I was nervous about being judged for my interpretation of Seifer, and in my haste to just get the answer out and then go hide in a hole for a week, I put forth a two-dimensional image of people living with powerful mental illnesses, and did those people--and Seifer himself--an injustice. I’m sorry for that, and I do intend to re-write the answer and correct that slight. I can’t say when I will have the energy or time to do it right...but, it will be done. In the mean time...I wanted to at least put this out there, and I hope, if you are someone who was hurt by that post, and for some reason, are still around listening to me yak, I can undo the damage.

...That’s all I got.