#and finally i have a clear picture of them and-

[sugurus-thoughts]

04. cindy lou who

❆pairing — suguru geto x reader!

❆summary — I saw you laughing in one of his pictures But you'll be the one with his ring on your finger There's red and green everywhere, but l'm so blue Cindy Lou Who

❆w/c — 44,1k

❆warnings — nsfw, friends to lovers, jealousy, angst, fluff, smut, touching, MDNI

a/n — this is the longest fic I have ever written I swear. I did not think it would be this long but I certainly got in my feels as I related with the reader. Hopefully you'll stick until the end and read it, I really hope that you enjoy this long fic I honestly put so much into this so, I hope you enjoy!! 🤍🍰(I got to admit I have a soft spot for geto) I was gonna make it a part 2 but it wouldn't make sense honestly.

10 December 2024

The room buzzed with quiet chatter, the hum of conversation floating softly around the group. You sat there smiling, fainting as you always did, content to be near him— Suguru with his effortless charisma and mysterious persona seemed to always brighten the gloomiest days. He was leaning against the chair with his arms crossed, calm and collected as effort. But then his voice cut through the room, soft but yet so clear that it stopped every sound in the room.

“We're engaged” Suguru announced, his tone soft and his smile uncharacteristically tender.

The words hung in the air for a moment before anyone reacted. Shoko was the first to recover, her sharp whistle breaking the silence. “Finally!” she exclaimed, grinning with excitement.

Saturo clapped Suguru on the back, his laugh loud and infection. “About time man. Congratulations!”

Nanami nodded, offering a polite “Congratulations”, while Haibara beamed with happiness as his usual self ,excitement brimming with every word.

You didn't move. You didn't blink.

Engaged.

The word echoed in your head, bouncing around in the hollow space where your heart had been just moments before. It was a strange feeling, this heavy emptiness, like the floor had been ripped out from beneath you, yet you were somehow still sitting there, rooted to your seat.

Your hands tightened around the edge of your chair, knuckles going white as the smile on your face stayed frozen, the one you always wore when you looked at him—Suguru, who could never see what you’d been hiding all these years.

Two years.

Of course, you knew about her. Of course, you knew they’d been together. You told yourself you were happy for him, that you’d cheer him on from the sidelines like the good friend you were supposed to be. But the word engaged made it real in a way you hadn���t prepared for.

“Y/N” Shoko’s voice dragged you out of your spiral thoughts. You realized everyone was looking at you, waiting for your reaction.

You forced your lips to move, pulling them into something resembling a smile. "That’s... amazing news," you managed, your voice sounding foreign even to your own ears. "Congratulations, Suguru. I’m happy for you."

You didn’t even know if he noticed the slight tremor in your voice. You hoped he didn’t.

Suguru’s gaze met yours, and for a moment, you saw the gratitude in his eyes, the warmth of someone who thought you were genuinely celebrating with him. It hurt worse than you expected.

The conversation shifted after that, the others diving into questions about wedding plans and dates. You stayed quiet, nodding along and laughing when it felt appropriate, but your mind was elsewhere.

Years. You’d spent years loving him, dreaming of a moment that would never come. And now you realized that the tiny, flickering hope you’d buried deep inside you had finally been extinguished.

You excused yourself before the first tear could fall, muttering something about needing air. As you stepped outside, the cold evening breeze hit you like a slap, and the tears you’d been holding back spilled over, hot and bitter.

They’d said love was beautiful, but all you felt was the ache of something unspoken, the weight of what could have been, and the sting of words that could never be unsaid.

In the cold night, the snowflakes slowly fall like a weeping willow. In that moment of grief, your tears could only dry down as the cold air buries them as if they were never meant to be seen. You look out into the dark night on the balcony as mountains surround your tiny frame , Switzerland surely was a sight indeed.

To think that you once dreamed of having an all-white wedding with Suguru here, in the same place where your story together had quietly begun. The memory slipped into your mind like a cold breeze, subtle and uninvited, piercing itself together from fragments of the past. You were so young when your families first came here, deciding on a joint holiday in the picturesque Swiss Alps.

Even then, as a child, your heart skipped a beat at the sight of Suguru. His shy smile and the way his dark hair stuck out from beneath his knitted hat warmed something inside you, even in the biting cold. That trip had marked the start of what you thought might someday become more a quiet connection that belonged to the two of you.

Over the years, it became a tradition. This snowy haven turned into a cherished secret getaway, first for your families, and then, as you all grew older, for your tight-knit group of friends. The memories blurred together: late nights sitting by the roaring fireplace, voices overlapping as the six of you shared dreams for the future. You and Suguru would always sneak off to steal the last pack of marshmallows, giggling like children as you toasted them over the fire and talked about things that felt too fragile to share with anyone else dreams, hopes, and love.

In those stolen moments, you allowed yourself to dream of his love. You pictured what it might feel like to have him look at you the way he looked at the snowflakes falling softly against the window, with quiet wonder. You dared to imagine a future where you were more than just friends, a future where this place, this beautiful, snow-covered haven, could host an all-white wedding with you and Suguru at the center of it all.

But that dream had shattered the moment he met Cindy. She wasn’t just a passing crush or a fleeting romance—she was everything he had chosen, everything he had committed himself to. The warmth you once felt in his presence now left an ache, a reminder of all that could have been but never would be.

And now, as you stood here again in Switzerland, surrounded by the same breathtaking views that once held so much promise, the memories were sharper than ever. It was no longer just a place of dreams but a place where the reality of loss lingered in the air, mingling with the scent of pine and snow.

Your sudden nostalgic memories were interrupted by the creaking sound from the door behind,you slowly turned around.

Him.

He stood there, slowly his usual relaxed self approached you, softly the heels of his favorite Wyatt Jodhpur boots clicked against the wooden floor. The only sound that could be heard was the door closing behind him, not a word was spoken between the two of you and finally he reached your fragile figure.

The silence was the only thing that held the atmosphere in place.

“It's cold outside, what are you doing here?”, he took off his coat to cover your figure. As if the words just woken you upon a dream you had, you tugged it against your flaying skin. Seemingly you forgot about your earlier meltdown,and for some reason the dark night was hiding your tear stained cheeks.

“The sky looked beautiful, couldn't miss the opportunity” you exhaled softly,like a secret only to hear by the sky itself.

Not once have you dared to look into his eyes, for you knew it would only stir the motions further. You smiled softly as you reached out to catch a few snowflakes, Suguru could only smile at your playful nature.

“Are you going to the Christmas Market Wednesday?” you asked.

A sigh escaped him as his fingers rubbed his temples. “Ah yes I almost forgot, I still need to pick up Cindy from the airport”

Cindy.

The name hung in the air like a bittersweet melody, a reminder of what might have been. She was the woman who had unwittingly stolen the future you had once dared to dream of, a future that now felt as fragile as glass.

“I understand Suguru, you don't have to apologize” a response so dimly that only at night could hear you cry.

You slowly got up from your crouching position and for the first time your eyes met. For a moment it felt like the melancholy of a storm-laden sky, looking into his eyes and they reminded you of the deepest earth crust that no one could understand, but sadly you were reminded that only you were an admirer.

“I'm sorry but I need to go to my room, it's been one….-” slowly you were searching for your words, something that wouldn't give it away. “One memorable night” you smiled up at him.

His smile reached yours, as you tried to mimic his actions. Finally your words cut through.

“I'm so happy for you and Cindy, Suguru. I only wish for the best, for both of you”.

Before Suguru could utter a word you were through the door, leaving him in a timid state of unawareness. You had to leave, you had to get away from him, for he didn't know the way he held you so captive like a bird in a cage,that never saw the day in light. As you walked your way out of the restaurant, you bumped into Shoko.

Her eyes widened slightly as she took in your expression. Shoko had always been perceptive, and tonight was no different.

"Hey," she said softly, her voice carrying concern. "You okay?"

You forced a smile, one that didn’t quite reach your eyes. "Yeah, just tired. Long night, you know."

Shoko tilted her head, clearly not convinced but wise enough not to push further. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

You nodded, offering a quiet, "Thanks, Shoko," before brushing past her and stepping into the cold night air.

The walk back to your room felt endless, each step weighed down by the ache in your chest. Memories of Suguru's smile, his laughter, and the way his eyes used to light up when he looked at you played in your mind like a cruel montage. And now, all of that was meant for someone else. Cindy.

Finally, you reached your door, fumbling with the key as your vision blurred with unshed tears. Once inside, you let the facade crumble. The weight of the night hit you all at once, and you collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in your hands.

The sobs came in waves, raw and unrelenting. You cried for what was, for what could have been, and for the pieces of your heart you’d so willingly given to someone who could never see you the same way.

Between the tears, you whispered into the silence, "I just wanted him to choose me... just once."

But the only answer was the stillness of the night, a cold reminder that some stories aren’t meant to end in love.

12 December 2024

The chalet buzzed with excitement as everyone prepared for their outing to the Christmas market. The morning sunlight filtered through the frosted windows, casting a golden glow over the snow-covered peaks. You busied yourself with adjusting your scarf, focusing on the small task to keep your thoughts from wandering.

“Are we all ready?” Shoko called out, her voice cutting through the chatter.

“Just waiting on Haibara, as usual,” Nanami replied, sipping from his steaming coffee mug.

You smiled faintly at the banter, grateful for the distraction. This trip was supposed to be about making memories, about enjoying the company of your closest friends. But as much as you tried to focus on that, a nagging feeling stirred in your chest an ache you’d tried to ignore since last night.

The others finally gathered, bundled up in thick coats and gloves, and you all piled into a couple of cars for the short drive down to the village. The road wound through snowy forests, the trees heavy with frost, their branches forming an archway over the path.

By the time you reached the market, the quaint streets were already alive with the hum of holiday cheer. Wooden stalls lined the cobblestone paths, their roofs dusted with snow. The air smelled of roasted chestnuts, spiced cider, and freshly baked pastries.

“Alright,” Gojo said, clapping his gloved hands together. “Let’s split up and meet back here in an hour. Everyone, try not to buy something completely useless.”

The group laughed, and you found yourself relaxing just a bit. But as you turned to follow Shoko toward one of the stalls, a familiar voice cut through the festive noise.

“Suguru!”

You froze, the smile slipping from your face. Cindy’s voice.

Turning slowly, you saw them—Suguru and Cindy walking toward the group. Suguru’s arm was slung casually over her shoulders, her hand resting on his chest as they leaned into each other. Cindy looked radiant in a cream-colored coat, her hair falling in soft waves around her face. She laughed at something Suguru said, the sound warm and light, and he smiled down at her with an ease that felt like a knife twisting in your chest.

You hadn’t expected her to arrive so early. You’d thought you had more time to prepare yourself, to steal your emotions before being forced to face them. But there she was, as if plucked from the pages of some perfect holiday romance, looking every bit the part of Suguru’s fiancée.

“Hey, sorry we’re late!” Cindy said, her voice bubbly as she greeted the group. She gave you a quick hug, her perfume lingering even after she pulled away. “Suguru thought it’d be nice to come early and surprise everyone.”

You forced a polite smile, though your heart felt heavy. “It’s nice to see you, Cindy.”

She beamed. “You too! Isn’t this place magical? Suguru was just telling me about how you all used to come here as kids. It’s so sweet.”

Her words hit harder than you expected, a reminder of the memories you shared with Suguru that now seemed to belong to someone else.

As the group began to move through the market, you found yourself trailing behind, your gaze occasionally drifting to Suguru and Cindy. They were inseparable, holding hands, sharing whispers, laughing together. At one point, Suguru adjusted Cindy’s scarf with a tenderness that made your stomach twist.

“Hey.” Shoko’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. She had fallen back to walk beside you, her sharp eyes studying your face. “You okay?”

You nodded quickly, not trusting yourself to speak.

She sighed, slipping her arm through yours as the two of you wandered toward a stall selling handmade ornaments. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know.”

“I’m fine,” you murmured, though you didn’t believe it.

Shoko didn’t press further, but her presence was a comfort nonetheless. As the morning went on, you tried to focus on the market: the glittering lights, the cheerful music, the scent of holiday treats. But no matter how hard you tried, your gaze kept drifting back to Suguru and Cindy, and the realization settled in your chest like a weight: this trip wasn’t going to be as simple as you had hoped.

You told yourself it was time to let go, but the ache in your chest wouldn’t subside.

“Shoko, I'll be back in a bit”, before she could protest you turned into a quieter part of the market, drawn to a small stall tucked away in the corner. The vibrant hues of oil paintings caught her eye landscapes of snowy peaks, quiet villages, and vivid sunsets.

“You have a good eye,” a low, smooth voice said.

You turned, startled, and found yourself face-to-face with a man who could have stepped out of one of the paintings himself. His dark coat was tailored to perfection, his scarf loosely draped over his shoulders. His eyes, a deep, piercing shade, were focused on her with quiet curiosity.

“Oh, I was just looking,” you said, your voice soft as you turned your gaze back to the painting in front of you.

“And now you’re being modest,” he replied with a small smile, stepping beside you. “That one’s my favorite too. The way the light plays off the snow it’s tricky to capture that feeling.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “You painted these?”

“I did.” His smile grew, a touch of pride glinting in his eyes. “My name’s Shui. I’ve been exhibiting in Europe for a while now. And you?”

You hesitated. “I’m just... here with friends. We’re visiting for Christmas.”

“Well, whoever your friends are, they’re lucky to have you. You seem to notice details most people overlook,” he said, his voice gentle, as though the words were meant only for you.

The compliment caught you off guard, and you felt a blush creep into your cheeks. “I’m not sure about that.”

Shui tilted his head, studying you like a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. “Tell me, what brought you here? To this part of the market?”

You hesitated. The truth felt too heavy to admit to a stranger. Instead, you shrugged. “I guess I wanted to get away from the noise. This place feels... quieter.”

He nodded knowingly. “Quiet is good. It lets you see things more clearly. Like this.” He gestured toward the painting you had been admiring. “That piece was inspired by a winter I spent alone in the Alps. Sometimes solitude brings clarity.”

You looked at him then, really looked at him. There was something grounding about his presence, a quiet strength that made you feel like you didn’t have to pretend.

“You sound like you’ve figured things out,” you said softly.

“Not entirely,” he admitted with a small laugh. “But I’ve learned that the right people and moments come when you least expect them.”

The words hung in the air between the both of you, heavy with meaning. For the first time in days, the weight on your heart felt a little lighter.

Shui’s smile returned, warmer now. “If you’re not in a rush, I’d love to show you a gallery nearby. They’re exhibiting some of my larger works. Call it an artist’s shameless self-promotion.”

You hesitated, glancing back toward the bustling part of the market where your friends were. But the thought of facing Suguru and Cindy again made your heart sink. “I think I’d like that.”

“Good.” Shui extended his arm. “Shall we?”

You looped your arm through his, and together, you both walked into the snowy morning , leaving the noise of the market behind. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you were stepping into something new, something that didn’t revolve around Suguru.

16 December 2024

Over the next few days, Shui kept appearing inviting you over for coffee, joining you for a quiet walk in the snow. His presence helped you feel seen in a way you haven't before, igniting a sense of independence and hope.

The ice rink shimmered under the warm glow of fairy lights strung above, their golden light reflecting off the smooth, frozen surface. Laughter and the soft sounds of skates gliding over ice filled the air. You found yourself gripping Shui's arm tightly as you wobbled on the blades, trying not to fall for the third time that evening.

“Easy there,” Shui said, chuckling. His hand steadied you, resting gently on your waist. “You’re not bad at this; you just need a little confidence.”

You laughed softly, feeling the tips of your ears burn from both the cold and his touch. “You’re just being nice. I’m pretty sure I’m a danger to everyone on this rink.”

“You’re doing great,” he insisted, flashing you a warm smile that made your heart skip.

Unbeknownst to you, Suguru stood at the edge of the rink, leaning against the wooden railing. His dark eyes followed your every movement, the cigarette between his fingers forgotten as it burned down to ash. Each laugh you shared with Shui, every time you leaned into him for support, sent an unfamiliar pang through his chest.

“What’s with the long face?” Shoko appeared beside him, her wine glass still half-full, her sharp gaze cutting straight through him.

“I’m fine,” Suguru muttered, his tone clipped. He exhaled slowly, the smoky patterns of his breath mixing with the cold air.

Shoko raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. She followed his gaze, landing on you and Shui spinning awkwardly on the ice, laughing like children. “They look good together, don’t they?”

Suguru’s jaw tightened, and he looked away. “I guess.”

Shoko smirked, taking a sip of her wine. “You guess? You don’t sound too thrilled about it.”

He frowned, the irritation in his chest growing. “Why would I care? She can do whatever she wants.”

Shoko tilted her head, studying him like a puzzle. “You know, for someone who doesn’t care, you’ve been staring at her all night.”

His silence betrayed him, and Shoko’s smirk deepened. She leaned in closer, her voice lowering. “You know what your problem is, Suguru? You’ve spent so long convincing yourself you don’t feel anything for her that you actually started to believe it. But seeing her with someone else? That’s not jealousy, is it?” She paused, letting the words sink in. “It’s regret.”

Suguru’s chest tightened, her words hitting harder than he wanted to admit. He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer.

Shoko straightened, brushing imaginary dust off her coat. “Figure it out, Suguru. Before it’s too late.” With that, she walked off, leaving him standing there, his thoughts swirling as heavily as the snow falling around him.

Later during the night, the rink cleared out a bit as the group reconvened, some of them sitting by the edge with hot chocolate while others skated lazily around. Cindy was chatting animatedly with Haibara, completely unaware of Suguru’s distracted state.

You had just stepped off the rink to fix your skates when Suguru appeared beside you, his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. His presence caught you off guard.

“You’re getting better out there,” he said, his voice softer than usual.

You looked up at him, surprised. “Thanks. Shui’s been helping a lot.”

At the mention of Shui, Suguru’s jaw tightened, though he forced a small smile. “You seem... happy.”

You blinked, unsure of what to say. “I guess I am. It’s been nice.”

He nodded, glancing down at the ice. There was a tension in the air, a silence that felt heavier than it should. Finally, he spoke again. “Can we talk? Just for a second.”

The sincerity in his tone caught you off guard. You nodded, following him a few steps away from the group.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, your breath visible in the cold air.

He hesitated, his dark eyes searching yours as though trying to find the right words. “I just... I wanted to say I’ve noticed how different you’ve been lately. With him.”

You blinked. “With Shui?”

He nodded, his gaze dropping to the ground. “Yeah. It’s... good. You deserve to be happy.”

The words felt forced, and you could hear the strain in his voice. Before you could respond, he stepped closer, his warmth cutting through the cold air between you.

“But…” He stopped, his breath hitching. “It’s hard to see you with someone else.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, his words hanging heavy in the air. You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, as he leaned in slightly, his gaze. His words hung in the air knowingly, as he moved a bit closer,the space so small closing in as your breathing, became much more rigid.

What was this feeling?

Frustration? Guilt? No. This was entirely different. This was pure, unfiltered anger.

For years, you had swallowed your feelings, buried them deep beneath the surface where they couldn’t hurt you—or him. You had watched him love someone else, choose someone else, while you stayed silent, convincing yourself it was better this way. And now, just when you’d started to heal, just when you’d found someone who made you feel seen and whole again, here he was. And for what? To pull you back into the storm you’d barely survived?

Your hand moved before your mind could catch up, the sharp sound of the slap cutting through the cold air. Suguru’s head turned slightly from the impact, his dark hair falling into his face. He didn’t flinch, didn’t even raise a hand to stop you.

“How dare you,” you said, your voice trembling with emotion. “How dare you make me feel like this. After all these years after ignoring me, after choosing her—you think you can just show up and ruin the one thing that’s finally made me happy?”

Suguru turned back to face you, his cheek reddened but his expression unreadable. His dark eyes, however, betrayed him. There was something there—something raw and vulnerable that you didn’t want to see.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“Then stop,” you snapped, your voice rising. “Stop doing this. Stop making me feel like I’m losing my mind. You don’t get to do this to me, Suguru. Not now.”

He stepped closer, and you instinctively took a step back, but he reached out, his hand brushing against yours. “I didn’t realize,” he started, his voice breaking slightly, “how much I was losing until I saw you with him.”

“That’s not my fault,” you said, your voice shaking with anger and hurt. “You don’t get to want me now just because you’re scared of losing me. You made your choice, Suguru. You chose Cindy. And I chose to move on. For fucks sake you're engaged Suguru!”The last sentence cut through him like a blade,almost as if he forgot.

His grip on your wrist tightened—not enough to hurt, but enough to stop you from walking away. “I was scared,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I could ignore it, that it was just in my head. But it wasn’t. It’s never been in my head, and now it’s too late, isn’t it?”

You opened your mouth to respond, to throw another fiery remark at him, but before you could, his lips crashed against yours.

The kiss was desperate, almost feverish, like he was trying to say everything he couldn’t put into words. You froze, every part of you screaming to push him away, but for a moment—just one moment you let yourself feel it. His hands moved to your waist, pulling you closer, and it was as though the entire world disappeared.

Reality snapped back like a whip. You shoved him away, your breath ragged as you stared at him in disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you?” you hissed, your hand trembling as you wiped your lips.

Suguru's lips parted, his dark eyes filled with regret and something else—something you didn't want to name.

"I—" he started, but the words caught in his throat.

Before either of you could say anything else, a voice cut through the icy tension, slicing it in two.

"What’s going on here?"

You froze, your blood running cold as you turned toward the sound. Cindy stood a few feet away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, her gaze shifting between you and Suguru. Her eyes narrowed, her usually soft features hardening into something unrecognizable.

Suguru immediately straightened, his expression unreadable as he turned to face her. “Cindy,” he said, his voice unnaturally calm.

“Don’t ‘Cindy’ me,” she snapped, stepping closer. “I saw it. I saw you kiss her.”

Your heart plummeted to your stomach, panic rising like a tidal wave. “It’s not what you think—”

“Oh, spare me,” Cindy cut you off, her voice sharp enough to draw blood. Her gaze locked on Suguru, her voice shaking with anger. “How long has this been going on? Was this some kind of sick joke between the two of you?”

“It’s not like that,” Suguru said quickly, his voice firm but tinged with desperation. “It just... happened.”

“‘It just happened’?” Cindy echoed, her voice rising. “Are you kidding me, Suguru? We’re engaged! Or did that just ‘happen’ too?”

The group, drawn by the commotion, began to gather nearby. Shoko was the first to approach, her sharp eyes darting between the three of you as she pieced together the scene.

“What’s going on?” Shoko asked, her voice steady but laced with concern.

Cindy turned to her, her voice cracking. “What’s going on is that I just caught my fiancé kissing her.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. You wanted to disappear, to run and never look back. Instead, you stood frozen, your gaze fixed on the ground as everyone’s eyes turned toward you.

“Cindy,” Suguru said again, stepping toward her. “I know how this looks, but—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted, her voice breaking. Tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. “I trusted you. I believed in us. And this—this is what you do?”

For a moment, Suguru looked utterly lost, his calm facade shattered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“But you did,” Cindy shot back, her voice trembling. “And the worst part? You didn’t even think about me. About us. Not for a second.”

She turned on her heel, walking away before anyone could stop her. The group stood in stunned silence, the festive air of the rink now heavy with tension. Your brimming eyes caught Shui, and your heart broke at the sight.

Shoko was the first to move, stepping closer to you. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

You shook your head, unable to speak. Your gaze flickered to Suguru, who stood there, his shoulders slumped as he watched Cindy’s retreating figure.

“I should go,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Shoko nodded, her hand resting lightly on your arm. “I’ll come with you.”

As the two of you walked away, you could feel Suguru’s eyes on your back, the weight of his gaze like a physical pull. But you didn’t look back. You couldn’t. Not this time.

24 December 2024

The amount of days that has passed and the amount of guilt that surrounded your heart was unbearable. Your eyes swollen from all the tears you've spilled these past few days,are now stained through a soaking wet pillow.

Cindy.

Your mind drifted. The pain in your chest could never compare to the heartbreak she might be feeling now, the weight of guilt still clung to you like a heavy cloak, threatening to drown in despair. You never wanted to be the other woman, never in a million years have you thought of yourself that way,but yet here you are.

The other woman.

A knock was heard from your cosy Swiss Chalet. It was nearly seven—in the morning, who could be here so early?

With a deep sigh, you pushed yourself out of bed and made your way to the door. Opening the door widely, there she stood.

Cindy as perfect as ever, with her long black hair and red lips. The way she looked at you you couldn't tell if it was pure anger or if she felt sorry for you. The silence was erupted, softy by her sweet tone, “May I come in?”.

You nodded as, you opened the door widely for her to enter. The clack of her heels and long brown coat made her look so elegantly, you couldn't help but admire her.

You both seated, in the living room. Not one of you uttering a word so far.

“Cindy.. I-” you interrupted.

“I always knew he loved you”, she whispered as her eyes caught yours. The confession made your heart swell for a moment but yet break for her.

““...he always found reasons to be near you,” Cindy finished softly, her voice cracking just slightly. She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with the gold bracelet on her wrist, and you could see the weight of her words pressing down on her.

You swallowed hard, guilt surging through you like a tidal wave. “Cindy, I… I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I never—”

She raised a hand to stop you. “Please, don’t. I’m not here to point fingers or assign blame. I’ve had weeks to process this, and… I’ve come to terms with it.” Her red lips curved into a faint, bittersweet smile. “Suguru and I… we weren’t meant to be. I see that now.”

Her words stung more than you expected. You knew she was right; there was no denying the unspoken connection between you and Suguru. But the last thing you ever wanted was to hurt Cindy.

“I broke off the engagement,” she continued, her tone steady but void of the anger you half-expected. “We’ve decided to go our separate ways. It’s for the best.”

“I’m so sorry, Cindy.” Your voice was barely a whisper. “If I could go back, I’d—”

“Don’t,” she said again, her gaze sharp but not unkind. “What’s done is done. Suguru… he loves you. He always has. I just—” She took a deep breath, as if steadying herself. “I just hope you’ll take care of him. That’s all I ask.”

You nodded, tears threatening to spill as you reached out to touch her hand. “I promise.”

Cindy stood then, her heels clicking softly against the wooden floor. She adjusted her coat and gave you one last look, her expression unreadable. “Goodbye,” she said simply, and then she was gone, leaving behind a whirlwind of emotions.

The door had barely closed behind her when you felt a presence behind you. Turning, you saw Shui standing in the hallway, arms crossed, his face clouded with a mixture of hurt and confusion.

“Shui…” you began, guilt tightening your chest. “I didn’t know you were here.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “You didn’t need to. I saw everything.”

You stepped closer, desperation creeping into your voice. “I’m sorry, Shui. I never meant for you to get caught up in all of this.”

He exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to apologize to me. But you should’ve been honest—with Cindy, with Suguru, and with yourself. This didn’t have to end like this.”

“I know,” you said quietly, your voice barely audible. “I know I messed up. I’ll fix it, I promise.”

Shui studied you for a long moment before nodding slightly, his expression softening just a fraction. “Just… don’t let Cindy’s sacrifice be for nothing,” he said before walking away, leaving you alone with the crushing weight of everything that had happened.

You sat down on the couch, the silence of the room pressing in around you. Cindy’s words echoed in your mind, and for the first time, you allowed yourself to fully acknowledge the truth: you had to make things right, not just for Suguru, but for everyone who had been hurt in the process. And this time, you wouldn’t let them down.

25 December 2024

Finally, it was Christmas morning. Suguru busied himself with last-minute touches, his hands steady as he arranged the garlands around the hearth. The soft hum of laughter and chatter filled the room as friends gathered near the twinkling Christmas tree, their faces lit with joy. Despite the warmth and festive air, Suguru's thoughts were elsewhere, swirling with unease and anticipation.

“Suguru,” Gojo’s unmistakable voice broke through his focus. Suguru turned, only to find his friend wearing a knowing grin. “Stop pretending you’re not looking for someone,” Gojo teased, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

Suguru opened his mouth to retort, but then his breath hitched. There you were, standing by the doorway, wrapped in a soft sweater and scarf, snowflakes still melting in your hair. The world seemed to still as his gaze locked onto yours for the first time in weeks. A flood of emotions, relief, longing, and something deeper rushed through him as your lips curved into a tentative smile.

“Hey,” you said softly, stepping further into the room.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

The morning unfolded in a whirlwind of torn wrapping paper, shared laughter, and playful banter. But Suguru’s focus never strayed far from you. When it was his turn, he reached under the tree and pulled out a small, carefully wrapped package, his hands trembling slightly as he handed it to you.

“This is for you,” he murmured, his dark eyes watching your reaction intently.

You blinked, surprised, before carefully unwrapping the gift. Inside was a delicate necklace a simple gold chain with a tiny charm shaped like a star. It sparkled faintly under the warm glow of the Christmas lights.

“It reminded me of you,” he admitted, his voice low. “You’ve always been the brightest thing in my life.”

Your heart clenched at his words, and for a moment, you forgot everyone else in the room. “Suguru… it’s perfect. Thank you.”

As the day slipped into evening and the snowstorm outside intensified, the group gradually dispersed, leaving you and Suguru alone by the fireplace. The flames crackled softly, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Wrapped in a shared blanket, you both sat close, the warmth of the fire chasing away the chill in the air.

“I missed this,” Suguru said, breaking the comfortable silence. He glanced at you, his gaze tender. “Us. Talking. Laughing. Just… being.”

“I missed it too,” you admitted, resting your head on his shoulder. “I missed you.”

The hours stretched as you reminisce about old memories—late-night adventures, inside jokes, and moments of unspoken connection. The weight of the weeks apart seemed to dissolve with every shared smile, every stolen glance.

At some point, the conversation lulled, and Suguru tilted his head to look at you. His hand reached up, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Before you could respond, his lips met yours. The kiss was slow at first, soft and exploratory, but quickly deepened as weeks of longing poured into the moment. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as the firelight danced around you.

“Suguru,” you breathed against his lips, your voice trembling with both desire and uncertainty.

“Come with me,” he murmured, his eyes dark with intent. He stood, pulling you to your feet, and without a second thought, the two of you slipped away into the stormy night.

His room was dimly lit, the faint glow of the snowstorm filtering through the curtains. The air was thick with unspoken words as he guided you inside, his hands warm and steady against yours.

Your skin was greeted by the soft kisses of his lips. There was no worries, no longer the wait that you have spent years on waiting for this man. Finally he had you all to himself.

Your heart pounded as his hands came into contact with your satin shirt. His kisses didn't fail once as the goosebumps seem to appear on your skin. A lowly chuckle could be heard from him as his hands made their way to your breasts only to squeeze them together.

Slowly the remaining clothes you both wore were on the floor. You laid there naked, on this very day just for him. Your voluptuous body made it hard for him to breathe in this now hot room. His now dark eyes ranked over your figure,imagining all the dirty things he can do to you.

Slowly his hands explored your now naked thighs,squeezing the soft flesh. A moan treated to escape your now red lips.

“The way, I used to imagine this, fuck”, his thick voice now clouded with lust. He pulled your now burning body, close the edge of the bed only to get down on your knees.

Never in your dreams have you thought this would happen. Suguru Geto down on his knees for you. His tongues darted out as he finally reached your waters, a low groan escaped his throat just enough to wake your core. The taste of you on his tongue was like heaven itself, a lustful man like himself has finally tasted the meal he most surely has been craving for the longest time

“Oh my-...” the muffled moans that were drawn from your pretty mouth, and your now arched figure was something he could now control. His tongue interned your now tight hole, with this action your hands flung to his long luscious locks.

“Suguru, oh my gosh”, a smirk invaded Suguru’s lips as he finally looked at your face. His one finger slipped in without permission, he slowly pumped the digest, driving you to ecstasy.

“So damn wet, can you hear yourself?” the question came out vaguely as he chuckled,proud of himself was an understatement. He made a mission for you to hear the sounds that escaped your now wet core.

“Suguru, please… ” you moaned louder as he started to go faster,and started licking your clit.

“Oh - Oh-Oh my.. fuck” your hands gripped onto him for dear life as you felt that familiar feeling creeping.

“Did you sleep with him?” What stupid questions was this man asking you? , while you were on the verge of coming. A loud slap could be heard as his one hand came into contact with the soft flesh of your thigh along with a sudden gasp from you.

“Answer me, I asked you a question”, his tone low and demanding as your eyes made contact with him.

“No…. I didn't” the words finally came out in a low cry.

“Good because you, belong to me” he murmured softly to you.

With his fingers so deep in you, his kisses made their way to your breasts only to sucked on your now sensitive nipples. Your breasts bounced slightly the faster his fingers went.His kisses finally reached your ear only to whisper the dirtiest secrets to you.

“Cum for me baby”his voice haled, and just like that he made you feel true ecstasy. His name rolled off your lips as he continued his ministries,until he rode out your orgasm.

The soft rhythm of your breathing filled the quiet space, and Suguru’s dark eyes roamed your face, searching for any hint of hesitation or concern. For the first time, you could truly see him—not just the man in front of you, but the intensity and passion that had always burned beneath the surface. It was overwhelming, almost too much, yet it felt right.

His lips found yours again, slow and deliberate, as though he had all the time in the world. His kiss carried a tenderness that made your heart flutter, and your hands instinctively cupped his cheek. A smile tugged at your lips as you remembered slapping him not long ago. The irony wasn’t lost on either of you.

His deep voice broke the moment, pulling a laugh from you. “At least I know my girl’s got a mean slap,” he teased, his grin devilish.

“You deserved it,” you shot back, your voice softer but still firm. “For everything you put me through.”

He didn’t deny it. Instead, his smile deepened, an unspoken acknowledgment that your words were true.

When he kissed you again, it was different. The slow tenderness gave way to something rougher, more urgent. His hands framed your waist as he lowered himself, his body fitting perfectly against yours. The warmth of him, the weight, the unspoken promise—it was enough to make your heart race.

Suguru hesitated, his movements slowing as his dark eyes met yours. He knew your boundaries, understood the reverence you held for yourself and your body. It hadn’t been years for him, but he knew it had been for you—since before you left high school, since the last boyfriend you had allowed close. That thought only made him more careful, more determined to handle you with care.

He pressed his lips to yours once more, a silent reassurance. His touch was reverent, patient, yet full of the fire that only Suguru could bring. He was ready—but only if you were, too.

Your eyes met for the slightest moment before his member stretched you out softly. A low moan could be heard from you as you wrapped your thighs around his hips.

“Fuck, you feel good” he mumbled against your skin kissing your colrbone—sucking on the soft spot to ease the unfamiliar feeling. Slowly he started to pump his member in and out of you stretching, your now tight woman hood just for him.

Your moans didn't go unnoticed by his actions ,as started sucking onto your right nipple.

“You feel that baby?” he asked you as you looked at him. A simple nod and moan slip your mouth.

“Fuck” he cursed underneath his breath. Without a word, you were on your stomach only for him to lift you slowly, pulling your hair slightly as he slid into you again.

“Oh my fuck, Suguru” this position made everything much more pleasant.

A loud slap was heard for the second time that night against your ass, a sign of dominance. You cried out loudly, the stinging feeling bringing a whole new sensation.

“Mine, all mine. It's like you were for me” he repeated his words as you felt his member twitch inside you. You couldn’t help but squeeze around him, only making him hiss at the pleasure.

“Come on baby, I'm close. Fuck” he gave you one last smack as he let go of your hair.

“Suguru I'm close” he hummed at your response and he started going faster and faster. Your second orgasm was finally approaching for the night,the tingling feeling starting to swell up in your core as you felt the way Suguru hit that one spot over and over again.

Finally you came along with him,the feeling of him filling your core with such ease, didn't go unnoticed. Your trembling figure laid out before him, as Suguru milked his way out, making sure none of his seeds go to waste.

The exhausted sound which came from him as he collapsed on top of your now, wet body.

Silence was all that could be heard as you lay beneath him, the storm outside a faint whisper against the windows. Suguru’s warm breath fanned against your skin, and for a moment, neither of you moved, both lost in the intensity of what had just unfolded.

Then, with a tenderness that made your heart ache, he gathered you against him, pulling you into his arms so you rested against his chest. His fingers traced lazy circles along your back, grounding you in the moment as you both basked in the quiet intimacy.

“You’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice soft and full of awe. “I never thought this would happen… that I’d have you like this.”

You tilted your head to look up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I guess Christmas miracles do exist.”

He chuckled, the deep, rich sound vibrating against your ear. “If you’re my miracle, then I must’ve been really good this year.”

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence again, the weight of unspoken emotions finally lifting. Suguru’s hand moved to brush a strand of hair from your face, his touch so gentle it sent shivers down your spine.

“Do you regret it?” he asked suddenly, his tone hesitant, as though he feared your answer.

You shook your head, pressing a soft kiss to his chest. “Not for a second. I’ve wanted this—wanted you—for so long, Suguru.”

His arms tightened around you, as though he couldn’t bear to let you go. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret it,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion.

“You already have,” you whispered, your voice catching as your heart swelled with love.

The storm outside seemed to ease, the wind quieting as if nature itself was giving you this moment of peace. Suguru leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips warm and reassuring.

“You’re everything to me,” he said softly, his dark eyes searching yours. “I want to build a life with you. Whatever happens, I want you by my side.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, but they were happy ones. “I’m not going anywhere, Suguru. This is exactly where I’m meant to be.”

He smiled, a rare, unguarded expression that made him look almost boyish. “Good. Because I don’t think I’d survive losing you again.”

Nestled together, you both drifted into lighthearted conversation—talking about future plans, inside jokes, and everything in between. Suguru shared stories about his childhood, his dreams, and even the little things he loved about you that he’d never had the courage to say before.

By the time the storm completely passed, dawn was beginning to creep through the curtains, bathing the room in a soft, golden glow. Suguru’s arms tightened around you one last time as you both lay there, utterly content.

“Christmas will never be the same again,” he said, his voice laced with affection.

“No,” you agreed, pressing a final kiss to his lips. “It’ll be better.”

And as the morning light filled the room, you knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of happiness with Suguru by your side.

©suguru's-thoughts 2024, do not copy or translate my work. art work does not belong to me all credit goes out to the the artist. my banners are from the lovely @adornedwithlight!! 🤍

☃︎ taglist — @getobitchs 🍰🤍

a/n — just a reminder I was tired when I wrote the smut part, so there was less passion in my opinion . My writing usually has so much passion in the especially in those scenes I dislike it so much when I write smuts so vaguely :') I'll make sure to make it better when I do the rest of the ingredients for Fruitcake !! 🍰

[cherrygirlfriend]

(not) lost and found pairing: reader x sistersfiancé!rafe synopsis: when reader has to return her sister's shoes, she sees her fiancé again. this time, in a different state than before. warnings: hurt and comfort, reader stitches up rafe wc: 1.5k

people have been wanting me to write more for them and i've been meaning to i swear!! just haven't gotten around to it lmao but more interesting stuff for this pairing is coming

"jenny, no." you sighed exasperatedly into your phone, "i already told you, no. i'm doing homework."

"but it's technically your fault?"

"how is it my fault that your drunk ass left your damn shoes in my car?" you scoff, and if it wasn't so typical of jenny, you wouldn't be able to believe the nerve she'd have to even say it was your fault that she was too drunk that she couldn't even remember to take her shoes.

"just take them to my place, alright! i'm on a trip right now and i don't need your shit."

"i'm not a damn lost and fo-"

before you could finish your sentence, your sister had hung up on you, and although you tried to call her again, she wouldn't answer. the bitch was ignoring you, as usual.

so, that was how you ended up driving to the house your sister shared with her fiancé while rain was pouring down the sky, your windshield wipers working overtime to make sure you'd get there without slipping off the road.

when you finally parked in front of the house you'd been at only a few days prior, you leaned the back of your head against the headrest, gazing at the lit-up windows of the home. you wanted so badly to not be jealous of the life she had, to not give her the satisfaction of knowing how much you'd always envied her; envied the way your parents had always preferred her, how you'd always felt more like a burden to them than a child.

taking a hit from a vape pen and tossing it to the passenger side of your car, you breathed out the vapor before getting out of the car, slamming the door closed behind you, flimsily holding onto your older sister's louboutins, a petty part of you wanting to accidentally drop them to the ground as you made your way to the door.

but when you reached the door, lifting your hand to knock on the door, you noticed it was slightly ajar. with furrowed brows, you stepped inside, your ears filling with the noise of loud shouts and sounds of glass breaking.

you placed down the heels as quietly as possible, pulling your phone out and dialing 911, holding the phone close to your chest as you walked closer and closer to the source of the noise, prepared to press call.

but what you came across caused your brows to furrow.

jenny's fiancé's back was facing you as he threw a vase on the ground, the smashing noise ringing in your ears as you brought your hands to cover them.

"fucking bitch!"

you didn't know what to do, simply watching the man throw a picture into the ground, the glass of the picture frame blending in with the glass from the vase. what used to be jenny's glamorous living room now looked like it was one of those rooms people go to smash up old electronics and plates, just missing the graffiti on the walls, but in place of them were a few fist-shaped holes.

when rafe picked up a glass of amber liquid to his lips, you figured it'd be your best chance to make your presence known, so you cleared your throat, saying his name in a soft voice. "rafe?"

the man turned to look at you, letting out a soft, dry chuckle as you pursed your lips, looking around at the wrecked room. "what are you doing here? is your sister drunk again? 'cause if she is, she can sleep on the fuckin' lawn for all i care."

"no, she just left her shoes and..." you shook your head, taking a few, wary steps towards the man, pocketing your phone. "what's up? did something happen with...?"

"your sister?" rafe let the now-empty glass fall to the ground, a few drops of whiskey now decorating the pile of glass as it smashed, rafe collapsing onto the ground, leaning his head against the back of the formerly-immaculate white couch, that now seemed to be covered in red wine. "that'd be the understatement of the century."

you noticed a gash on his arm, a rather large piece of glass sticking out, red blood staining his white sweater, "rafe, you're bleeding."

the man chuckled, looking down at the cut and shaking his head, "i didn't even notice. woops."

"let me go get my stuff."

"it's really-"

"shut up." you say sharply, rushing outside to your car.

you were kneeling next to rafe, the man pressing a cloth to where the piece of glass had been lodged in while muttering something under his breath while you poured disinfectant onto another cloth. "this is gonna sting, but if you're gonna be a baby about it, i'm gonna let you bleed out."

rafe let out a small, nearly inaudible chuckle and the ends of your lips twitched slightly upwards, "i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna feel it with how much whiskey-"

his sentence was interrupted by a loud hiss he let out when you took away the cloth he'd been holding against his arm, starting to press the one with disinfectant against the wound, your lips curving into a proper smile.

"is my pain funny to you?"

"no." you looked at rafe to see a small smile on his lips, "it turns me on."

rafe let out a guffaw at your statement, shaking his head as you began putting monofilament thread onto the curved needle, the man's brows furrowing as he watches. "how do you even know how to do all this?"

"you don't know?" you let out a chuckle, "of course, why would i assume my dear sister ever speaks about anything other than herself. i'm studying to be a doctor."

"i didn't know that." rafe watched as you brought the needle to his wound, "have you done stitches before?"

"on fake skin." you shrug, starting to stitch up his wound, "so, why did you do all this? you're lucky that thing didn't lodge any deeper."

"i could've just gone to an actual hospital."

"yeah, but wouldn't you rather give your future sister-in-law some practice?" you said, not noticing the way rafe was gazing at you, your tongue peeking out, your brows furrowed in a way that caused small wrinkles to appear on your forehead. "spill."

rafe let out an exasperated sigh, looking away from you, instead focusing on all the broken glass on the ground. he'd have to figure out a way to fix it before jenny got home.

"your sister's cheating on me."

a small oh left your lips as you continued.

"i saw texts on her phone before she left. she told me she was going on a work trip for the law firm she's interning with but she's currently at some hotel with the guy she's seeing."

"she... she always told me she was going out with you, at least once a week, but i'm starting to realize it's not true, is it?"

you chewed on your lower lip as you continued stitching the wound, letting out a soft, quiet, "i'm sorry, rafe. i see her like, once a year on christmas."

rafe nodded his head slightly, "lucky you." the man chuckled dryly, "it all just... made me feel like i'm not enough. that no matter what, the people around me are gonna keep betraying me. that i can never trust anyone."

you let out a soft, humorless chuckle. "i know how that feels."

"you do?" rafe looked down at you, as you finished tying the end of his suture, cutting the thread.

you sat up straight, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you started packing away your stuff. "everyone's always preferred jenny over me. everyone's always picked her over me. my parents always preferred her. every guy i liked always thought she was prettier. all my friends always thought she was cooler." you chew on your lower lip, your throat starting to hurt from the emotion you were trying to hold back, avoiding his gaze, "my entire life, i spent living in her shadow. my entire life i've been 'jenny's sister' and nothing else."

"that can't be true."

"you know what my parents' reaction was when i got into med school?" you chuckled dryly, your eyes turning glassy as you finally looked to rafe, "'that's great sweetie. anyway, did you hear that jenny got engaged? her ring is so gorgeous. oh, and she's doing so well in law school!'" you mimicked your mother's voice, letting out a sigh. "and jenny thrives from it. she's always loved that she's better than me. even as kids, she did everything she could to one-up me."

"she's not." rafe took your shaking hand in his, enveloping it in his larger one, "you just stitched up a half-stranger when you could've just left when you saw me destroying shit. your sister would never do something that selfless. i don't even think she has a selfless bone in her body."

"you're starting to sound like me." you let out a chuckle, shaking your head, "how come you're engaged to her, then?"

"maybe i don't have any either." rafe shrugs, "but i'm not letting her get away with this. i'm not someone to be messed with."

"that sounds ominous."

"you have no idea." he smiles, squeezing your hand.

[lloydskywalkers]

barometric pressure

it's finally getting cold here and actually feels somewhat like winter so!! Zane on the brain, i rewatched s11 again and had feelings about the complete and total lack of addressing everything that went down in the Neverrealm, etc, so here's a shorter snippet of Zangst (that isn't even angst really it's just snow ramblings oops)

Exactly four months, six days, and an indeterminable amount of hours (it is ten) after they returned from the Neverrealm, the clear, crisp skies of late autumn give way to the gray, overcast start of winter.

It’s a painfully familiar sky, one Zane knows nearly as well as he knows himself. The graying clouds are as clear a signal of snow as anything, though he’s already well-prepared.

Vex’s whispers returned to his ears around the same time the first, familiar chill began seeping through the monastery walls. 

For others who are not Zane, though, snow could still mean happier things. He still recalls the expression on Kai’s face the first winter he’d spent with them, snowflakes dotting his eyelashes as Jay wildly demonstrated how to craft a lopsided snowman. So Zane hopes, however weakly, that the rest of them can welcome the snow as enthusiastically as they have in the past. 

His hopes are neatly shattered, however, when the first thing Cole does is set straight out for the woods and return with enough firewood to burn down the entire mountain.

“What are you gonna do, roast every marshmallow in Ninjago?” Jay gapes at him.

Cole rubs the back of his neck, firewood precariously balanced in one mitten-covered hand, his nose a shade darker than the rest of him from the growing cold. “Just thought we should be prepared,” he says. “In case the power goes out, or we just, you know. Wanna have a fire.”

Zane feels the room slip a little colder from his words alone. Or perhaps it’s his imagination — it’s been active, of late. For example, Vex and his whispers are several dozen realms away, and Lloyd is choking on the hot chocolate he’s drinking too fast instead of staring lifelessly at him from a frozen prison. Kai and Nya are fighting over the few coats they have that aren’t torn or stained or covered in what’s either glitter or the fragmented remains of their last enemy’s vehicle, not encased in blocks of ice, voiceless and empty.

Cole is…now distracted and giving him concerned looks, while Jay struggles to keep the firewood from spilling over his arms. 

Ah. He’s drifting, again. 

“How about we start the fire — in the fireplace, Cole, help—”

“Are you okay?” Cole asks bluntly, absently adjusting his hold on the firewood as Jay stacks the loose logs back in his arms. 

“Of course,” Zane says. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

A crucial error. He knows better. Leaving things at ‘of course’ is a risky move, but it’s certainly a better option than flat out asking Cole to pounce. 

Jay makes it first. “Yeah, ‘cause when I’m fine, I disassociate staring out the window for hours all the time.” 

“I was not disassociating.”

“Uh-huh. Hold on, lemme find a dictionary. Right next to ‘disassociate’, there’s a nice little picture of—”

“Lloyd,” Zane says. “You will find my image next to ‘emotionally removed’.”

“That is dissociating, and Lloyd’s next to ‘traumatized’. Nice try, though.”

“We’re all next to traumatized,” Cole mutters, finally giving up and dumping his stack of firewood next to the door. Zane quietly calculates how long it will take Kai to set it ablaze, along with how much it will cost to replace the door if it ends up collateral damage. 

“Not me,” Jay says, hands on his hips. “I’m next to optimism. Which you could all use, you know.”

Cole stares at him in disbelief. “Optimism? You’ve predicted our deaths like, six times in the last month alone—”

“It’s called a joke, where’s your sense of humor?”

“Jokes are only funny if you aren’t screaming them, and — oh no you don’t.”

Zane sags in defeat as Cole snags him by the back of his sweater. He was so close, too. Normally, Cole and Jay’s arguments are the perfect time to make an escape. Either they’re getting more observant, or he’s getting careless. 

“Look.” Cole lets go of his sweater, crossing his arms in front of himself. Zane can’t tell if he’s warding off the chill, or warding off the same dark thoughts that have haunted them all since the snow began sticking. “I know we’re not…there, anymore, so it’s different. But if you’re having a hard time—”

“I am not.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Cole huffs, his forehead still scrunched up in worry. “But if you were to hypothetically be having a hard time, I’d hope you could talk to us. Any of us. It doesn’t have to be me, just…” He looks away, staring out the window wistfully. 

“Winters have always been fun, with everyone,” he finally continues. “Remember the first time it snowed, when it was just you and me and Jay?”

Zane avoids his eyes. He does remember, of course. He remembers everything, even the things he wishes he could forget. But the memories of those early days, the first few months adjusting to living with others in the monastery, have yet to be tainted with any kind of darkness. 

Jay had been near-comically scrawny back then, hair pressed resolutely against his forehead from his countless attempts to get it to stay there. Cole had been smaller, too — a bit sharper around the edges, his walls a bit higher, but still open enough to make Zane feel like a part of their little team. He still remembers Cole’s laughter, observing Zane’s terrible first attempt at sculpting anything from the snow, Jay his long-suffering teacher. 

It had been the first time snow had meant anything fun, instead of the perpetual silent blanket that cut Zane off from the rest of the world. 

And now here he is, years later, with all of Jay and Cole’s efforts gone to waste. 

“You should come outside with us, after Cole finishes his firewood mountain,” Jay suddenly says, a bit breathless. “See how your snowman skills are shaping up.”

It takes Zane a moment. His mouth is full of refusals, his mind stuck on the fact that the last shape he made from snow was an enormous, vicious ice dragon that nearly killed everyone he loves. 

But Jay looks painfully hopeful, and a bit too nervous that Zane will say no, and Cole’s edges are so soft now, Zane fears his own sharp edges will only hurt him. 

“Give me a moment,” he says, forcing his tone to sound light. “And I will. I will join you.”

Cole’s eyes light up, and a beaming smile breaks across Jay’s face. 

“Sweet!” Jay claps him on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go drag Nya out of hiding, but the snow’s piling up in the courtyard, so if we get out early enough we can ambush Kai with snowballs when he comes out.”

Cole rolls his eyes. “I’m not digging you out of your snow grave this time,” he calls, following after Jay. 

“Spoken like someone who wants to take on Nya in one-on-one combat!”

“I’m not insane, I’m not doing that either!” 

Zane hesitates, left alone in the hallway. He crosses his own arms against the sudden chill, tiny stabs of regret already making themselves known. 

It is easy to lie, but what will happen when he actually joins them in the snow? What if the icy chill sets in, miles of white all around, and he loses himself again? 

The others weren’t there. They know his role in the Neverrealm, of course, but none of them saw the monster he let himself become. The depths of his cruelty, his coldness, what he was capable of — all of it remains Zane’s secret to keep. 

Well. 

That is a lie, and with it lies another significant reason Zane should avoid setting foot outside. His presence will only ruin things. 

Yet the quiet, aching part of him seeks out the exception anyways, because deep down, Zane is just as selfish as any other person. 

Lloyd looks little better than Zane feels, his eyes glued to the graying skies with the same look of faint dread Zane stared the drifting snowflakes with. His knees are drawn up tightly to his chest where he sits on the sofa, his mouth pinched as he picks apart the already-fraying edge of his scarf. 

His expression softens when he sees Zane, mouth curving up into a faint smile. 

“You get cornered, too?” 

At his brief look of confusion, Lloyd nods at the thick jacket Zane’s wearing. 

Zane looks away. “They seem to think it will be fun. A snow day.”

“Mmh.” Lloyd turns back to the window. With a sigh, he slides his legs out, standing as he throws the threadbare scarf around his shoulders. “Guess we should get out there, before Jay starts building his nightmare snowmen in the courtyard.”

Zane blinks at him, taken aback. “You’re joining them?”

“Duh,” Lloyd frowns. “I wanna have fun, too.”

“Ah.” Zane isn’t sure if what he feels is guilt, envy, or some odd mix of the two. Confusion, he finally decides on. “It doesn’t…you’ll be alright, in the cold?”

Lloyd’s expression falls, but he doesn’t look away. He fiddles with the edge of his scarf, as if turning words over in his head. 

“I’ll be okay,” he finally says, in the quiet, softer way he speaks now.

He used to be louder. Zane remembers, down to the exact cadence of his voice — straining a bit too low for his throat, acting a bit too old for his age. Less…reserved. 

Younger. 

Then Lloyd smiles, and Zane reminds himself that Lloyd’s voice is also lighter, these days. It’s been growing more so, ever since the last of the Oni attack was cleared away and the unhealthy pale left his skin. Lloyd’s quicker to laugh and easier to poke at. Slower to step into the role of leader, preferring to linger behind with the rest of them, as if he can soak up their warmth like a sadly starved sponge.

“I don’t mind wind,” Lloyd continues. “I like volcanoes. I think I’ll be fine in snow.”

He worries his lip, eyebrows furrowing. “The question is whether or not you will.”

Zane startles. “That is not—” He closes his mouth. The words do not come easily, or much at all. How can he make Lloyd understand, that he has no right to fear the snow? When snow is his element. When any pain caused by it is only his fault, in the first place. When Lloyd still bears the scars of frostbite, when Kai’s hands tremble in the cold, when Jay watches Cole with worried eyes and Nya frets over the water heater each night. 

Lloyd’s hand settles tentatively over his own, a bright burst of warmth that quells the tremors Zane hadn’t realized run through his fingers. 

“How about this,” he amends. “We can either stay inside and steal all Cole’s marshmallows for our hot chocolate, or you can come outside and help me fix Jay’s ugly snowman?”

Zane looks down. It’s a kind trick Lloyd’s using, one he’s learned well. Simple decisions — one a retreat, one a cautious step. 

A part of him still balks at the idea of stepping out into the cold. Vex’s voice lingers in the freezing air, the reminder of bitter ice beneath his fingers and the cries of his friends. 

Kai’s laughter shatters the silence, muffled through the monastery walls but no less clear. He can hear Nya’s quick follow-up, a round of foul cursing that would have Sensei frowning at them all. 

Zane lets out a breath. 

It is selfish. It is self-centered and short-sighted, and it is all but an insult to what he’s done to the people of the Neverrealm. 

And perhaps Zane is a terrible person, after all.

But Zane is not a coward, either. 

And Zane is fortunate enough to have a family, one who would lie and steal and cross realms and frozen wastelands for him, and he thinks, perhaps this once, he can be selfish for their sakes. 

Squeezing Lloyd’s hand briefly, he nods. “I suppose it would be cruel to the poor snowman, to leave him in Jay’s hands.”

A smile splits across Lloyd’s face, a faint echo of the boy who dyed his uniform pink. 

“Okay. Pixal’s got a scarf for you, then.”

Pixel does indeed have a scarf for him, and it is perhaps the most disastrous thing Zane’s ever laid eyes on.

“I don’t understand what happened,” she says, staring at the scarf in his hands. Her face screws up in frustration, lips set in what could be called a pout, if he didn’t know better. “I followed the instructions to the letter. My slipknots were perfect.”

Zane carefully places the scarf around his neck, wrapping the crooked, colorful mass of fabric around as many times as he’s able.

It ends up being about four, and he wonders briefly how many stores Pixal bankrupted of purple yarn. 

“I love it,” he tells her. “Thank you.”

Pixal’s face breaks into a bright smile. “It’s warm, isn’t it? I wanted to be sure, that it was warm.”

Ah. The many layers make a bit more sense now, and Zane’s heart aches. 

He does not deserve this, but the scarf still sits around his neck. Lloyd still waits for him by the door, endlessly patient and hopelessly trusting. 

Kai still beams when he sets foot outside, blinking snowflakes from his lashes as he waves, moments before Nya dumps a bucketful of snow over his head. 

Jay still lets him reshape his snowman, only scowling once at his critique before asking him which of their family they should recreate in snow. 

Cole still smiles, when Zane sweeps out that same warm smile in the snowman that only just resembles him. 

And Nya finally lets her hourly crisis over the water pipes go, handing him a snowball instead and instructing him to let Kai have it. 

He doesn’t know the answer to Lloyd’s question, exactly. Whether or not he’ll be okay, when the snow falls heavy and the reminder of what he’s done presses heavier. 

But he does know that the cold that followed him from the Neverrealm does not reach him, not even as he’s tackled into a heavy drift by Cole halfway through their snowball fight. 

And perhaps, for now, that can be enough. 

[wheredafandomat]

Home

Loki x mum! Reader

18+| contains alcohol, loss, Loki and reader share a child. I’m sorry I haven’t written anything in AGESSS

You quickly turned the radio off as the news reporter reeled off a string of recent burglaries that had happened in your neighbourhood. Grabbing your scarf, you adjusted it around your neck as you glanced at yourself in the mirror, offering a half smile as you tried not to focus on the bags colouring the skin beneath your eyes. You took a breath, your smile widening uncannily as your daughter padded towards you, half of her glove dangling off of her small hand.

“Is daddy going to be there?” She asked excitedly as you knelt down, helping her with her glove.

“No—not today” you hesitated “but one—one day he’ll be home” you rushed out, not believing your own words. The truth was, Loki hadn’t been home in almost a year. You didn’t know when he was going to come back, no one did. Unless they did and were just refusing to tell you. You took a steadying breath, cursing the fact that you no longer had the clearance to find out how the mission was going before doing what you had been doing since the day you lost communication. What you were taught. Assuming the worst. You faked a smile again, composing yourself before leaving.

Once you had come home from shopping, you unpacked before continuing the routine you had adopted since Loki had left. Making dinner, alone. Feeding your daughter, alone. Putting her to bed, alone. Showering, alone. Having a glass of whine, which was a step you had added recently, alone. Going to bed, alone and cuddling a picture of Loki. A tear began to pool in the corner of your eye as you looked at the picture, a memory of him overtaking you.

“If you ever need me, just say my name three times” he assured, squeezing your shoulder.

You closed your eyes, holding the picture against you as his name left your trembling lips. You called it three times. Hoping, praying that he’d hear, that he’d come. But alas. Silence met your awaiting ears.

“Liar” you sniffled through tears before begging sleep to overtake you.

By the time the morning came, the warmish glow of the winter sun had covered your room, waking you up before your daughter did. The morning routine was similar to the night one in the sense that it was done alone now.

“We’re going to see Santa today baby” you smiled, pressing the porcelain mug against your lips as you sipped your coffee.

“Yayyy” she exclaimed, her spoon almost flying out of her hand as she threw her arms in the air.

Two hours and another cup of coffee later, there you were in the mall, the line for Santa's grotto alarmingly long. You took a breath, looking at the workers dressed as elves as they spoke to some of the children further up in the line than you.

“Are you excited to see Santa?” One of them exclaimed, smiling widely at your daughter who answered with the same amount of enthusiasm.

You narrowed your gaze slightly the closer you got to the front of the queue, the elves beginning to look slightly more real. You were no stranger to elves. Loki had taken you on a tour of the nines when you were an agent and Alfheim was one of them. But this wasn’t Alfheim.

“Quit staring lady” one of them interrupted your suspicions as you reached the front of the queue.

“Sorry” you spoke, clearing your throat.

Sitting on Santa’s lap, your daughter began listing the things she wanted for Christmas as you took some pictures before her time was over.

“And what about you?” Santa asked, surprising you.

“What?” You answered just above a whisper.

“What is it you want this Christmas?” He smiled generously, your eyes meeting as all words escaped you.

“I-I don’t—” you began.

“You can’t lie to me” he reminded you, your gazes still connected as you lost yourself in this stare.

“Loki” you finally utter, truthfully. “I want Loki”

“Next” one of the elves called before you could even register what had happened. As if on autopilot, you picked your daughter up before heading home before performing the night routine, however this night, you felt off.

The following day rolled around and you took your daughter to her grandparents house.

“You are looking after yourself right” your mum asked, her eyes darting around your face.

“Yes mum” you huffed.

“You know you are still my baby” she reminded you.

“Yes mum” you answered in a softer tone.

“I’ll be round tomorrow with the angel” she smiled, looking at your daughter “don’t forget to stuff the turkey and preheat the oven to—”

“Yes mum” you quickly interrupted “bye mum.”

Getting home, you poured yourself a glass of wine before you began your food prep. Downing the liquid, you pourned yourself another, almost halfway through the bottle before pouring another. You began feeling what could only be described as tipsy before accidentally burning one of your fingers on the pot.

“Ouch” you yelped, running to the sink before putting it under cold water.

As you covered your finger in water, you looked down at it, unable to help the tears that escaped you, your eyes mirroring the tap. Just before you began to cry even more, you heard a crash upstairs, immediately sobering up as you turned the tap off. Suddenly the thousands you had spent on training to become an agent and the years you had spent on the frontline kicked in as you stealthily walked up the stairs. Whoever had broken in chose the wrong house you thought to yourself, remembering the burglaries. Following the noise, it led you to your bedroom as you carefully pushed open the door before gasping, your heart falling to the ground as your eyes met Loki’s dishevelled body laying in your bed. You honed in on the gash on his forehead, sprinting for gauze before you rushed to his side, clearing the blood. Disbelief shrouded you as you began to shake him awake.

“Lokiii, Lokiii” you called, half wondering how strong that wine was.

“Y/n?” You heard fondly, quietly as he stirred awake, you wrapping your arms around him.

The two of you embraced, no questions needing to be asked as your lips met. No words left either of your lips as you helped Loki into the bathroom, undressing him before turning the shower on. You didn’t leave his side, not wanting this potential mirage to fade into nothingness, not wanting Loki to leave again. As you guided him back into the bedroom, you still asked no questions, they could wait until tomorrow.

Wrapping your arms around one another, you embraced, the warmth of Loki’s arms around you, intoxicating you. Taking a deep breath, you breathed him in, your lips pressing against his exposed chest. You felt his lips on your forehead as you moved closer against one another. Home, you felt home.

Had to take a break from writing my assignment to write something Christmassy. Hope you enjoyed!! And I hope you have a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate ❤️

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[signanothername]

Oooh I just noticed. In the picture you drew of Cross when he was a baby he didn't have the X's in his eyes. What happened to him to get them?

context

I was hoping someone would notice eeeeeeeeeeee

I'm not gonna go in depth cause I'd really love to make a comic about it one day

But to put it simply, it's XGaster's doing

Let's say that XGaster is alive and kicking, and he's very much in the same position as Cross, not very well liked, living in the Omega timeline

XGaster, being the possessive freak he is, and seeing everyone in Xtale as his own creations to do as he pleases with them, tied all of them to him permanently, as in, they are almost like one entity in a weird way (Viktor kinda shit without the religious symbolism if you watched Arcane), excluding Cross for a while simply because XGaster was intrigued and wanted to observe Cross without interference

That of course, comes to an end when he finally got all the data he needed and saw no point in letting Cross roam around as freely anymore, eventually also tying Cross to him

Know how XGaster can control the Xtale cast? magnify that by a thousand, he can hear every word they speak and when spoken to, see what they see on a daily basis, and control them down to even changing their habits if he so wished, if they're not as perfect as they could be

Of course, how much XGaster uses that control is generally minimal, as he loves observing without much interference, but he just loves to make it clear to Cross that he is his creation regardless

In fact, the sketch under baby Cross? see how distressed Cross is? that's when his eyes first turned to Xs :)

[jigamaree-writes]

mouthwashing characters dating headcanons!!

warnings: mentions of alcohol, multiple referenced characters deaths (including suicide)

tags: fluff and angst, confessions, romance, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, canon divergence, long distance relationship, major character death

includes: Daisuke, Anya, Curly

author's note: this is my first time officially writing on tumblr so apologies for any mistakes, can be read as "x reader", accidentally posted this as a wip and it had one like already so sorry to that user i took it down for some time

Daisuke

i believe he would first meet his yet to be partner either at a party on in an arcade

either way he would be absolutely smitten by their looks alone and would start chatting with them and successfully get their number

he started seeing them more, usually going shopping together, playing games, or just hanging out

as time went on he realized that the feeling in his stomach the very first day he saw them wasn't the alcohol from the party nor the nerves from seeing someone so cool – it was much more than that

he had no idea how to approach his little crush with the intention of telling them his feelings since he was already a pretty good friend of theirs and didn't want to loose that friendship or make it awkward if they weren't interested in him

but somehow during one of the hangouts his tongue slipped and he accidentally outed his feelings towards them!

all his worries washed away when they reassured him that they've been feeling the same way since they started spending more time together

he immediately perked up at that and kissed them on the cheek

when he officially gets in a relationship with them he's over the moon and he acts even more positive than usual

Daisuke's love language would be quality time mixed with physical touch

he just loves hugging, kissing or cuddling with his partner, even handholding brings him immerse joy

he's very fond of using pet names for his partner and overuses them a lot

his favourites include: "sweetie", "baby", "beautiful/handsome" or "my everything" as well as some more snarky and playful ones, often based on his partner's appearance or hobbies

god forbid someone asks him about his significant other because he will rant about all the little things he loves about them in perfect detail

he couldn't stop showing off his partner to everyone he knew, he's just so glad to have someone by his side

speaking of – he's extremely clingy, even if his partner hadn't talked to him for two hours, he already misses them

so when his parents basically force him to leave and work for Pony Express you can imagine this poor boy's heartbreak

not being able to see his one and only for such an extended period of time is like a death sentence to him

he offers that his love goes with him, but due to the fact that working on the Tulpar is not a very satisfying and fulfilling job plus the constant harsh environment (not even mentioning the pay) it's understandable they don't want to be stuck in the ocean of emptiness

and even if they did want to go with him, after giving it more thought Daisuke realized that he wound never want to put the most important person in his life at any danger that might be involved in the outer space

while he is extremely down about leaving his other half back at home, he stays hopeful the whole time, keeping a picture of his beloved in his pocket or on the side table next to his bed in the sleeping quarters

his partner (along with the desire to make his parents proud) becomes a sense of motivation for him

even in his last moments, after being injured from crawling though the air vent, all he can think about is how he was never going to make it back and see his love one final time

Anya

when it comes to first meetings i think Anya would either see her future partner one of the times she tried to apply for her medical school or while she was running to clear her mind two blocks away from her own apartment and bumped into them at a corner

if we're going with the second scenario she would apologize tremendously for her carelessness and to her surprise was met with a very positive answer and an invitation to a dinner the next day

few more dates later and she starts developing some serious feelings for the other person and that eventually leads to them becoming a couple

she used to spend most of her time studying so she might not be very experienced in a relationship and needs to warm up to her new role as a girlfriend but she's the most loving and understanding one ever

for a long time she was seriously struggling with getting into medical school, but her significant other encouraged her to go forward and so she never gave up on her dream

by working three times harder than the last time she was awaiting her medical exams with determination and optimism, but unfortunately she failed the tests to qualify for the school yet again...

she was miserable for some time after that, distancing herself from her partner for a few days

to make up for it she and her partner had a movie night, at first she was very apologetic about her behavior but some reassurance from her partner later and her mind was put at ease

i believe her love language would be words of affirmation although she doesn't mind physical touch

she loves to kiss her partner's forehead while holding their face in her hands for sure

Anya's favorite pet names for her partner would be "my dear" and "sweetheart" along with just their name or a sweet nickname she came up with

however if it's her partner using pet names on her? yeah she's absolutely flustered everytime that happens

her favorite aspects of her partner would be the patience they are willing to give her and the support she so desperately needs

when she decided she needed more money to cover for the exams her partner fully supported her with this decision, which eventually lead to her working for the Pony Express

she keeps little notes her partner gave her before she left on the board in her office

she never really shared with anybody that she had a partner back on earth as well as on the Tulpar unless someone directly asked her, she would describe her partner so tenderly that while the majority would find their relationship to be adorable, some people (Jimmy) would mock her for how much she's devoted to her partner

before her ultimate decision of taking the pills she thought about what could've been if she just stayed home and found a different job

she would have never experienced this horrible fate

she couldn't help but muster a smile thinking about her partner, what a pity they never experienced the joy of seeing her finally making her dreams come true

Curly

if he started his relationship while still on Earth he would definitely miss his partner dearly but couldn't help the growing excitement to see them after coming back home

everytime he saw his other half he was happy like it's the last time he's ever going to see them

if Curly came back in the winter season the two would definitely partake in any snow spots together since we know he's a fan of those

if his partner shared his love for the same activities he would be overjoyed, but if they weren't as much into it that's completely fine – he would try to show them all his favourite pastimes hoping his partner would eventually join him but he would never push them to do it

he would acquaint his partner with his family pretty early on in the relationship but not so early it's awkward, he just wants to show off his partner to the closest people in his life

since it's implied he's been working for the Pony Express for quite some time now, it's possible he met his love during one of the hauls, either as a new crew member or someone from a different team

if they were part of his crew the man's attitude towards his partner would stay the same – sure he might be the capitan and is in a position of power but they're still his beloved

sometimes he takes on work that would be usually assigned to his partner to let a little load off their shoulders but he would keep it a secret from them and the other crew members (although he gets accused of favoritism several times)

while he is extremely busy with all the shenanigans going on during the shipping of whatever is in the cargo hold, he always manages to find time for his partner

his love language is definitely act of service

his partner gives Curly a sense of belonging, and even sometimes when he doubts himself as a capitan he knows his partner is there for him

Curly's room is right next to his partner's in the sleeping quarters, although he wishes they wouldn't have to have separate rooms but for some reason the company doesn't acknowledge their relationship because why would they (he still invites his significant other to his room whether it's to cuddle, talk or just to enjoy each other's presence)

he and his partner are basically inseparable

that doesn't change even after the crash takes place, his partner would visit him every day and stay by his side, often taking Anya's task of feeding him painkillers and while it pains them to see him in such a state they know Curly is the one who's in the most pain at the moment

his partner isn't sure if Curly still recognizes them but he always looks around frantically when anyone from the crew escorts them to the sleeping quarters to try and get some rest

following many sleepless nights and witnessing the death of two of the fellow crew members, Curly's partner decided to ultimately end their life, not being able to witness the love of their life suffer any more

they never got to live the life they imagined together and they couldn't even confirm if Curly would notice their lack of presence after they died, however he acted more distressed and was seemingly shrieking when he eventually stopped seeing them

do not copy or translate my works.

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

[missedmilemarkers]

Hi again!! Figured that since you were technically open to any question, I want to hear your thoughts or views on this. I'm not sure if I could message you (because I'm very awkward and I can't exactly hold a conversation based on small topics) But, how do you feel about choosing something practically over passion? This question has always plagued me ever since it was brought up during class, and it provoked to me how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" them more than pursuing their passion.

Was choosing tech for you a more practical choice or were you passionate about it? I don't want to sound rude over this question, but it only occurred to me when you mentioned that you were working in a field that is quite more on the technical side. Do you see it as something similar to an art form as you develop products that could help improve lives tremendously? Or is it just a job that you expect to pay good?

(P.S Sharing these photos I took some time ago, I believe it was last year and it was submitted for a class. Hope you enjoy them as well! Not as much sun as the last one though)

First off. Before going into any of the content of this post. THAT GIANT SNAIL IS SOO COOL! I just recently found out that they exist and was just amazed by the size of them. GREAT PICTURE!!!

Alright lets unpack the content of this ask.

TLDR:

You got this I believe in you. Stand tall and proud and go for whatever your heart and head want. If they disagree pick one and evaluate later. Even if your heart and head dont know that is OK as the story of your life unfolds the path will become clear. If you are honest you can always move with confidence and never lose a moment of sleep.

I am choosing to dive deep into this again for a few different reasons. The reason I am doing this you are at a moment in time which you perceive to be important (final exams, deciding about life etc etc etc). The unfortunate thing is this moment is no more important then any other you will experience. All it is would nothing more then a "MileMarker" which you will use for evaluation later in life. That does not mean its not important. All that means is every decision you made every action you took got you to the moment you are in RIGHT NOW. So dont worry no matter your choice you will always make the right decision. Even if its wrong you will always gain insight and that insight will always lead to success if passion is applied.

how do you feel about choosing something practically over passion?

I am not sure if there is exactly a correct answer for this one. If there is I think the best one would be do whatever makes you happy, and the only way to find out what makes you happy is to try. One thing I have learned is sometimes money or love is not enough. One can have all the money in the world and be miserable. Same goes for love. One could be loved by the world and be empty inside. That answer is kind of B.S. for someone that is seeking input. With that being said I will go over some of my experiences. My very first job was at an auto mechanic shop. I used to love working on cars. I would spend my weekends doing it. I would hang out with my friends and all have a great time. So i figured it would be a good choice to work as a mechanic. So I went and got that job. I worked it for about 5 years. At the end of it I never wanted to work on cars again. To this day I will not even change my own oil because I hate it so much. Am I upset it turned out that way? Not at all. Life is all about the experience nothing more nothing less. That lesson for me was finding out what I did not like in life and was just as important in my journey as knowing what I liked. At the end of my mechanic experience I figured I should just go be a garbage man. I would get the same blue jump suit but instead of the trash coming to me I would go to the trash. Really all we can do is to try. There is no wrong answer. Even if one makes a choice and find out its wrong for you that is OK.

Was choosing tech for you a more practical choice or were you passionate about it? "Neither and both"

The reason I brought up the above being a mechanic. If i did not want the same thing to happen on my outlook of computers as it did for mechanics. It was because of this I did not get into tech. I loved it so much I did not want to risk ever hating it. So that is passion but born of practicality based on what is important to me and only me. This is was dictated by my previous experiences and not wanting to have any regret in life. More on this: I have always been interested in computers and tech. I grew up in a very poor household. We only ever had exactly what we needed and nothing more. My childhood was amazing. Yea at the time I wanted more but after I got older and realized how the world was I landed on the outlook of "I could not have asked for more and it was amazing even though it was viewed bad at the time". One of my best friends growing up his family was very rich. It was through him that I was able to get access to technology. From that my obsession was born. I loved tech so much I avoided it professionally because i did not want the same thing to happen as did with mechanics. Then one day just purely by happenstance a neighbor offered me a job. I decided at that moment you know what try it. Why not, I now knew the signs of when i might start to hate it. so why not. We can never have any form of regret. So at that first job I literally ran around a call center unplugging and plugging back in headsets. Was this something that made a difference in this world. No, was it something that I found great internal satisfaction. No. At this point did it provide me financial security. NO IT SURE DID NOT! It was until many years went by to get a chance to shine. When that moment came I was ready and I crushed it. From that moment it was all different. I gained both functional and passion in my career with huge paychecks. But you know what, none of that matters now. The only thing it provides is a story for others of my personal experience. None of it means anything right now and clearly I cannot seem to pay the bills. That is ok. I would not change my situation, the outcomes, my choices or or any aspect of how i got to this moment right now. As long as I continue to try, learn and adapt I will find my way. However none of that will happen if I never take steps on my own and try with every fiber of my being each day.

how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" them more than pursuing their passion.

Based on that statement I feel how you are looking at this in the wrong context. That statement is taken from the third person. You need to have it worded something more like this. how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" me more than pursuing my passion. The context of that change is huge. Lets take a moment and reflect on that. I bring special attention to this because 1. We can never know what is best for any other person. Its hard enough knowing what is best for ourselves. Its ok to use other peoples stories and experiences as guidance in our own actions and decisions. It should never be our place to dictate what is best for another. We can never know that persons experiences, thoughts, emotions or context. We can offer guidance and feel happy we had an opportunity to share. 2. This now forces an action from the third person to a first person. This logic dictates something must happen. Even non action is an action and should be evaluated later and potentially adjusted. Sometimes non action is the best action. Often times its not though. Its all about that re-evaluation. 3. Experience is the most important thing in life. If you are struck in any form of "I wish I could...", "I always wanted to...", "Why cant i just...", "I don't know what ...". The only way to fix that is to do anything different. If you are frozen in a conversation start with one single word "Hello". If you are struck with any form of indecision just make one that is easier and more open ended. Instead of "I will make a final decision by", change it to "I try to evaluate my choices on", then take some time do a proper evaluation. Ok i wanted to try but i was unable to do that. Its ok that happened what can I do differently to "try anything else" and step with confidence in whatever choice you make. Even if its wrong there is never any regret because you made the best decision for you at the moment. Changing the view from "Observer" to "Doer" is what this context change provides. When an honest action is taken you can always do it with confidence no matter what it is. to Your final question. Money is a sign of a job well done. If you enjoy what you do you never work a day in your life.

In final thoughts: Tomorrow will never come and yesterday is just a story that only you care about. People might want specific things for you but none of that matters. Anyone who truly cares will want your happiness above all else. If that person cant understand that then they are probably not the best person to spend your time with. If you are living in the past you are depressed. If you are living in the future you are anxious. Its all about right now nothing more nothing less. Just smile, be confident and just do what is best for you and no one else. No decisions are final, you are free to change your mind at any time. Its ok not to know. We can never know the story of life through any other way then just living it how we choose. If future you is worried (anxious). Then present you should do something to set that person which don't know but implicitly care about up for whatever that success is defined as such by you. If past you is upset (depressed) about something then future you (currently present) can do something about it and make a change. Even if that change is wrong you can tell past you (depressed) that you tried and ask that person for advise and make adjustments accordingly. As long as you try you will always get exactly what you need. Survival is a very strange thing like that. It always is right up until it is not. The moments of survival in most cases outnumber the moments of conclusion. So dont ever worry the statistics are on your side.

Time is the only thing we never get back. I choose to spend my time happy. My personal definition of happiness has changed many times throughout life (story). Money will come for me as a result of that. So far it has worked out for me. To date I have survived (lived) far more moments then i have concluded (died). The same thing can be said about anyone reading this.

Conclusion: Each time i chose based on passion, One time I lost a passion. The other time I did not. Each time I was able to survive. Each time i gained valuable experience and understanding of who I was. I always succeed because I will always try hard and hopefully learn from my mistakes just enough to be good. I want to be happy in life and If at any moment I am not that is my measuring stick to make some kind of change.

Much like the seasons change is forced.

But we will always find the beauty of tomorrow. Even though we might have suffered a broken arm.

[oqwomyo]

Butler's wedding party. Haures' card translation.

Part 1.

- Devil's Palace Garden -

- A Few Days After the Party -

*Step step step*

Haures: Tomorrow is finally the day I can spend time alone with Master...

Haures: Fufu... This will be fun. Being alone with Master after a wedding-style party...

Haures: In a way, it's like a vacation with family...

Haures: ...Oh my god, what am I saying... Phew... I'm excited.

Haures: I'm a butler... Moreover, I'm a leader who should set an example for other butlers.

Haures: I should always try to act like a butler.

Haures: Alright. After that, I need to check the plans for tomorrow again.

Haures: I need to make careful preparations so I can have a great time with Master. In the morning, we'll head to town by carriage...

Haures: ...Huh? This is...

***

When I was walking in the garden... I noticed Haures crouched down, looking at the flowers. He seemed lost in thought. Even when I approached him, he didn't seem to notice.

You: Haures, what is it?

Haures: Eh...? Ah, Master...

Haures: My apologies. I didn't notice you...

You: You were looking at the flowers.

Haures: Yes... It looks like Ammon planted some new varieties.

Haures: These flowers seemed familiar to me... I couldn't help but stare at them.

You: What kind of flowers are these?

Haures: No... In fact, I don't even know their names...

Haures: When my sister was little... I distinctly remember her giving me a flower just like this.

You: Lady Tricia...

Haures: Yes. It happened when she was very little.

Haures: Oops... Sorry. I talk too much about myself...

Haures: Master. Tomorrow is the day we'll spend time together.

Haures: If you don't mind, I'd like to show you around the city using the plan I prepared.

Haures: Do you have any requests, Master?

You: As long as we're together, I'm fine.

- I'll leave it up to Haures.

Haures: Heh... Okay.

Haures: As Master's butler... I'll do my best to make sure you enjoy this day.

Haures: Well then, Master. I have some preparations to make, so please excuse me.

You: Uh-huh, I'll be looking forward to it.

Haures: Thank you. Then...

Haures bowed to me, and then... He left after looking at the flowers once more.

That night... I was planning to go to bed early to prepare for tomorrow... Suddenly, Haures came to my room.

Haures: My apologies, Master. Forgive me for visiting so late.

You: What happened? Haures.

Haures: Yeah, to be honest... We were planning to go to the city tomorrow, but...

Haures: The plans have changed a bit. Could you please spend some time with me at the mansion?

As long as I can spend time with Haures, I don't care where I am, but...

You: Okay, but what happened?

The reason why he changed his mind... It was bothering me.

Haures: Uh... To be honest...

Haures: Looking at the flowers during the day... I mentioned that I remembered a moment from the past.

You: It was about Tricia.

Haures: Yeah. Actually, these memories...

Haures: This flower is from my sister... I remembered her asking me to marry her.

You: M-marry..?

Haures: Yes. Of course, Tricia was just a baby then...

Haures: She didn't really understand the meaning of that word... I think she was just imitating what she saw in a picture book.

Haures: ...Still, she loved me as an older brother... She made that clear...

Haures: It was so touching to see her express her love so sincerely... I was happy.

Haures: Remembering how I felt back then... I thought about it.

Haures: Sometimes, in order to make the other person happy... It's important to express your feelings...

You: To be honest about your feelings...

Haures: Yes... When I was thinking about it... I decided to change the plan.

Haures: That's all I can say for now. This story will continue tomorrow...

Haures: Well then, Master, I apologize. Have a good rest today.

You: O-Okay...

After Haures left... I repeated his words in my head many times. "To make another person happy, it may be important to honestly express your feelings." While I was thinking about these words... I didn't notice how I fell asleep.

Part 2.

- Devil's Palace Room -

The next morning... I was in my room, waiting for Haures to come get me.

Haures: Master. I've come.

You: Come in.

Haures: Good afternoon, Master.

Haures: Sorry for the wait. It took me longer than I expected to prepare.

You: Don't worry.

Haures: I see... Thank you for understanding.

Haures: Then, Master. As I said yesterday...

Haures: I'd like you to spend time with me in the mansion today. And what we... will be doing...

Haures: Master. Is it okay if we go to the garden?

You: The garden?

Haures: Yes. There's something... That I'd like to give to Master.

When Haures said that... His eyes were as serious as yesterday. When I looked at those eyes... Without asking why, I would follow him to the garden.

You: Okay, Haures.

Haures: Thank you.

Haures: Then... Let's go.

Being a little nervous... I went to the garden with Haures.

- Devil's Palace Garden -

- A few minutes later -

After we arrived at the garden... Haures asked me to wait. He said that he would bring what he wanted to give me. I glanced at the flowers that Haures was looking at yesterday. The flowers that brought back memories to Haures... The pale petals leave a beautiful impression.

You: Beautiful flowers...

When I thought about it... I heard a voice behind me.

???: Heh... Does Master think so too?

When I stood up and looked around... Haures was standing there holding a bouquet of flowers. The one tied with a ribbon... They were the same flowers we saw. Although I was confused... I couldn't help but sigh at the beauty of the bouquet.

You: How beautiful...

Haures: Fufu... Thank you, Master.

Haures: It seems Master liked it... I feel relieved.

Haures: It's just a bouquet of wildflowers, so it may not be as colorful as the flowers that are used for gifts, but...

Haures: In order to convey the feelings of the precious Master... I thought these flowers would be perfect.

Haures raised his head... And turned to me with a serious expression.

Haures: This may not be the appropriate choice of words for a butler, but... Please allow me to say it this way.

Haures: ...I love you, Master.

Haures: You have a kind and beautiful heart... The fact that I serve you...

Haures: I will always be proud of it.

You: Haures...

If you look... Haures' eyes were serious.

Haures: Master. If you can, I beg you...

Haures: This bouquet of flowers contains my feelings... Could you accept it?

Haures: To me, you are... Such an important person.

Haures: If Master wishes, I will...

Haures: Forever and ever... I promise to always be with you.

Haures handed me the bouquet. His eyes showed his incredible sincerity... I could feel his trust in me. When I received the bouquet of flowers he gave me... I took a step closer to him.

You: Likewise, take care of me from now on.

- I promise, Haures.

Haures: Master...

When I answered... Haures finally relaxed his face. His expression was completely different from before, with a calm smile on his face... And a feeling of comfort spread across my chest. Looking at me... Haures also narrowed his eyes happily.

- Devil's Palace Room -

- Later -

To decorate the room with a bouquet of flowers... Haures and I returned to the mansion.

Haures: Master. I'll bring a vase.

Haures: I'm thinking of decorating the room with the flowers I gave you earlier... Is that okay?

You: Sure.

Haures: Okay. Then I'll do it.

After saying that... Haures untied the ribbon and took off the wrapping of the bouquet. And the untied bow... Haures looked at it as if he wanted to say something.

You: Is there something wrong with the bow?

Haures: Ah... No, nothing.

Haures: But, um... The bouquet took so long to wrap...

Haures: However, it can be unwrapped in an instant... I was thinking about that.

You: Maybe this bouquet...

- Has Haures wrapped it?

Haures: Yeah... Honestly, that's it.

Haures: I'm not very good with my hands... I wanted to ask Ammon to wrap this bouquet, but...

Haures: In the end... Although I failed many times, I wrapped it myself.

Haures: Wrapping the flowers with someone else's hands to convey my feelings to the master... It felt wrong.

You: Is that so...

Haures: Yeah. I'm just ashamed of how clumsy I am.

You: That's not true.

- Thank you for doing this for me.

Haures: Master... Thank you.

Hearing my words... Haures smiled happily. But that smile... As Haures began to arrange the flowers in the vase, his expression gradually began to darken.

Haures: Um... Trimming the stems a bit to fit the vase...

He was having a hard time handling the flowers... I could tell he was taking it seriously. His awkward sincerity... I felt so happy.

You: ...Hey, Haures.

Haures: Yes. Master, what is it?

I took one of the flowers he gave me... I extended both my hands to him.

You: I love you too.

- Haures is important to me too.

Haures: ...!

Haures closed his eyes, and then... He blushed a little.

Haures: Fufu... Thank you, Master.

Haures: I got to meet such a wonderful person... I'm happy.

Haures: And, this... I feel a little embarrassed to say this myself, but...

Haures: I... I'm happy that Master thinks of me as someone important.

Haures looked at me... He narrowed his eyes in a friendly manner.

Haures: Um, Master... My plans for today...

Haures: When we drink tea together... Can we rest together?

Haures: I want to calm down and talk about various things with Master.

Haures: Like talking about memories...

You: What about the future?

Haures: Fufu, yeah. I think it would be fun to talk about it.

Haures: Master, please... Let's continue to be together forever.

Haures: Master is more important than anyone... I will make you happy like no one else...

After saying that... Haures carefully took the flower I offered him. This flower in his hands... It became bright and delicate.

[ofsunnydays-and-moonlitnights]

Of Playful Days and Silent Nights

Chapter 1: A Robot Teacher?

You look up from your HoloScreen and the work your grading as a knock sounds through your room.

“Come in?” It must be one of your fellow teachers here to bug you, you assume.

You stand immediately as the Headmaster clears his throat. He's always demands respect he doesn't deserve.

“How can I help you sir?”

“Would you mind working a little late tonight?”

“I could make that work sir, what extra work do you have in mind?”

“Something quite special. I have a solution for the nursery class.”

“Oh? A new teacher is joining us?” What does that have to do with you?

“Something like that. Just follow and you'll see.”

He leads you into the nursery class. Sat there half out of its box is a robot? A dark yellow robot that resembles the sun if it was personified and dressed as a court jester of long ago.

“Oh is this a new model? I've never seen one like this.” you ask but as you inspect it closer you notice the layer of dust covering it… now you feel silly.

“On the contrary, This is a vintage animatronic, A fazbear original.”

“Oh wow.” Fazbear rings a bell in your head but you’ve never really been big into the whole robot industry all you know are from the adverts on the Holovision if you’re being honest you weren’t all that keen on them. You know Mr. Moosifer is very into his vintage robots though so it must be a big deal.

“Someone bought a warehouse and found it full of these old animatronics. Would have bought them all if I had the budget, they were all far too expensive. I charged this one on the school account, He was a daycare attendant, apparently has a security mode as well, perfect since I almost had to hire a security guard since the graffiti incident last week, who even sells spray paint these days. Anyway, Two birds one stone, and it’ll be cheaper in the long run.” he looks so smug and full of himself. “At least I can say I technically own a vintage robot,” he laughs. “Wait till the others at the digital Golfing Alley hear about this.”

Oh finally he stopped talking...

“And what do you want my help with?”

“Clean it and reboot it would you. It might need a debrief or something. I don’t care how long it takes but I dismissed the substitute so have it ready for the morning class.” He hands you a very thicc manual book.

“Sure thing.” you smile, the most fake smile you could muster.

He leaves. You hate being such a suck up to that old man. The new powerplant isn’t the only reason Patrick left in a hurry.

It’s just you and the currently lifeless robot. You hope it’s lifeless, robots are lifeless right? It looks like it's looking at you... If its vintage could it be haunted?

You’ve heard of some people thinking robots have life, some going as far to advocate for robot equality and rights, others even pushing for robot marriage, that's just how far advanced AI is you suppose, either that or the worlds just that delusional, you can’t imagine an antique like this being so advanced, you doubt it can even keep up with the children nevermind teach them. Bur your experience with robots isn't extensive at all since the cheaper models you've met in the lower city aren't even advanced like at all, most are just glorified auto machinery.

You sigh, enough stalling...

"Better check this manual for how to clean this thing." You grumble.

You need this job, you remind yourself.

You pick up the book, it’s heavy. Under the title that reads ‘The Daycare Attendant’ sits a picture of two similar robots, one blue and starry the other a match to the one in front of you, it must be part of a series or something?

You flick through looking for cleaning instructions. Finally you find them.

‘Instructions on cleaning the Sun daycare attendant.’

That's got to be this one right? He’s definitely sun themed.

‘Use Fazbear SunShine gentle multi surface cleaner, or SunShine soap for tough dirt and grime. If these are not available please order them at Fazbear.org/shop/cleaning/dca using your staff assigned code. In the meantime these suitable substitutes should be used (in order of most suitable to least): SunShine bubble bath, SunShine hand soap, SunShine shampoo, SunShine laundry soap, SunShine dish soap, SunShine wood polish, any SleepyTime products suitable for the moon DCA, regular dish soap, or any Gentle multi surface cleaner. Caution avoid harsh chemicals to avoid damaging the paint or irritating the skin of any children coming into contact with the daycare attendant. None of the SunShine kitchen or toilet and bathroom lines of cleaning products are suitable for cleaning the DCA, Never use bleach. Always use warm water and a gentle cloth or sponge. Never use a scourer or brush to clean the DCA. Elbow grease is all you need.’

You're curious about this Fazbear sunshine cleaner so you Holo it on your Holowatch. The website doesn’t exist but you can find old posts about the nostalgia and recipes that give a similar smell. Oh the channel NostalgicScents has a few bottles of the laundry soap on sale. Oh ouch a million credits for a small bottle of 10 units is ridiculous. It is a vintage product so maybe you shouldn't be surprised.

What were the alternatives? Dish soap or multi surface cleaner…?

You’re pretty sure there's some dish soap in the cafeteria so you head in search of some. You find said soap and a washing up bowl, filling it with warm water and bringing it all the way back to the nursery classroom.

Re-thinking your plan, it might not be best to wash him on the colourful dinosaur carpet so you instead decide to drag it into the little kids bathrooms.

It's heavy and lanky, it bends in way too many places making it difficult to keep a grip. But you manage and lean it against the bath tub....

You face palm at the realisation that there's a bath in here to clean up any bad messes the kids get into, odd for a school you know but this was pre-K nursery. Toddlers had a way of making the worst messes.

You place your bowl in the bath and using the dish cloth start wiping the dust and grime off the robot. You wonder if it’ll even work, you hope it’s waterproof, the Manual told you to use soapy water so it can’t be wrong could it, did soap and water mean something different back then? You shake away your worries, It’s too late now, the worst that could happen is you get fired, that doesn't sound too bad about now. You would have left this town a long time ago if you had the savings, then again... you’d rather not be homeless.

You wipe away the grime on its face revealing a bright yellow. It looks friendly if not ever so slightly creepy. You move onto its arms, underneath the dust on its right arm is a series of numbers carved into the metal, it looks like your birthday? The month and day that is. What a weird coincidence it must be a serial number of some kind. You finish cleaning it up and turn back to the manual to know how to turn it on. You follow the instructions, taking a small piece of metal from the shoulder and using it to press the button through a hole in the back of its head just as the book had told you to.

Start up commencing. . .

Connecting to Faz network….

No Faz network detected…

Connecting to the local network…

Connected…

Estimated storage time 50 years…

Please wait as calibrations commence.

“Wow…” 50 years you think to yourself. He wasn’t kidding when he said it was vintage. It should teach history class, not the nursery. Maybe he’d know what fish were like, were there fish in the wild back then. You shrug, who knows.

Calibrations complete…

Rebooting…

Rebooting…

“S-starshine?” it stammered.

“Huh?” you wonder… Is that it’s Catchphrase?

Its voice was masculine but very chipper with the metallic robotic tone earlier robots were known for. It seems confused.

“Oh… oh um... Hello new friend!” its voice had a surprising amount of expression.

“Hi…” you hesitantly reply.

“You look familiar…” It taps its chin as it thinks? “Have you ever visited the daycare before?” it adjusts its position crossing its legs.

“Nope, not me.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry, new friend. Let me introduce myself, My name is Sun, you can call me Sunny if you like but never Sundrop.” It points its finger up. “That’s the line of sweets named after me, not the other way.” it smiles at you, it seems too warm for any robot you’ve ever met. “Would you like one?” it reaches into its pocket. “Oh I’m out, sorry I’ll have to go restock.” It stands about to walk around before pausing. It’s ever so tall, it must be at least 6ft tall.

“Yeah about that.”

“Where… Where am I?” Its tone was darker, almost worried. It steps out of the bathroom into the class.

“Welcome to Angel Valley Primary school?” you shrug.

“Where’s the daycare?” It clutches its hands in front of itself… anxiously? “Where’s the pizza plex?”

“Closed? I assume? You’ve been in storage for like 50 years.”

“50 years!?” It rubs its right arm. “That’s so long…” It drums its fingers on its teeth. “Do you work for fazbear entertainment? Are you opening up a new daycare? It's a little small, where are the play structures? I'm not ready for a new handler, when are the kids coming? Where will they have naptime? There's not even a stage…”

You watch as it paces and rambles, it almost looks like a panic attack or something. Surely a robot can’t have one of those right.

“Hey!” you call out. “Stop that.”

It stops and looks at you, practically shaking as it tries to stay still.

“There’s no daycare, or fazbear whatever. You have a new prerogative as a teacher at this school.”

It sits, closing its eyes and takes a breath? Maybe it's cooling its system or something. Does overheating make a robot jittery?

It starts counting.

“It has anxiety? of course it does.” That’s just your luck…. Wait... Unless it's a count down???

It puts it’s hands down. “Excuse me, that was very rude.” it's tone miffed but still polite, the kind of voice you’d give a parent if you were allowed to correct them.

Wait… you said that out loud….

“I’d rather not be called IT. Although as an animatronic we have no gender.” he says with air quotes. “We prefer the pronouns he/them. Thank you.”

Great, the robot has pronouns. How much more human can they get?

“Surely if you're from the future you should have more respect for robots by now, I’d expect robots would have become much more sophisticated in the last 50 years.” They turned away crossing their arms almost as if he was in a strop.

“Not the ones you see on the streets of the lower city. Most sophisticated robot I’ve seen is a store stacker.”

“What's one of those?” he tilts his head curiously.

“Exactly what it sounds like. It stocks shelves, if you're lucky you might meet one sophisticated enough that it can direct you to the soup aisle in the soup store.”

“Oh…”

“The rich in the upper city have shiny new robot assistants that are almost human-like. But your average Joe like me probably won’t ever get to see one.”

“I see…”

“But you should still be more polite.”

“You're right, I'm Sorry.”

“Thank you.” he sighs.

“Soooo uh… Are you calmer now?”

“I guess.” he sighs.

“Good because I need to show you around and let you know how to do your job before I can go home tonight.”

He stands up. His expression is now blank. “Alright.”

“So this is your class, you’ll be teaching the nursery or Pre-school class, most of your students are two to four years old, they do half days, so you’ll have group one come in during the morning and group two in the afternoon. We do learn by play here, It can’t be that different from daycare work. Basically entertain the kids. Make sure they don’t unalive themselves.”

He nods. “Where are the arts and craft supplies? Do we have paper and Oh, tell me we have glitter glue.” he looks over the colourful room, looking at the bookshelves and the toy boxes.

“No... Art supplies like that are pretty scarce, we keep them only for the fourth grade. We let the little kids play art games on they’re SlimNote jr though” you take an electronic notebook and show him.

He looks disappointed, dejected even.

“Plus it’s less to clean up.”

That doesn't seem to cheer him up.

“So no finger painting?”

“What’s that?”

“Oh my stars… you don’t know?” he drags his hands down his face.

“You’ll have to tell me another time we should move on.”

“Right.”

“So the room we were in earlier was the littles bathroom, it includes three big kid toilets and a handful of potties, there is a bath for emergencies but you have to have parents and kids consent for bathtime, most say sure others would rather let their kid sit in his own poop for the rest of the day, but anyway, moving on, your desk is there, the toys there, you can see it all.”

You gesture for him to follow as you lead him out of the room. You turn left to your class.

“This is my class.”

He looks around your space themed classroom and his eyes sparkle.

“Here I teach the first and second grade English, Maths and Space science.”

“Are these actually from space?” he asks as he looks over your wall of space trinkets, three shelves and a table are all adorned with rocks, crystals and other trinkets.

“Eeeek.” he jumps, “it moved.” He points to a tank.

“That’s our little alien specimen, We call him Greg, he’s a space slug.”

The slug-like creature covered in fluorescent colours munches on a piece of metal that you fed him earlier.

“And yes most of these came from space explorations, though some are only replicas, every school has a collection ours is pretty small if i’m being honest.”

“Wow.”

You can’t help but yawn, normally you’d be home by now having eaten your rations and gone to bed. “Can we finish here? You probably don’t need to know any more than this but you can wander around tonight unless you need to recharge or something. Just don’t touch anything. Oh and the headmaster said something about night guard or security or something. Can you do that or whatever.”

“Sure thing…” he rubs the back of his neck.

“Cool the kids will be in at 9 AM. I’ll see you at about half seven though.”

“Okie dokie.”

With that you collected your things and headed home.

This part of the city was almost quiet, the usual hustle and bustle reduced to about a dozen vehicles including your single drive, at least there wasn’t much traffic. Your little two door, one seater car was great, it was sort of old but reliable. You finally arrive at your building, it was one of many in your sector. In sector 10 they build as tall as they can and then crammed as many tiny apartments as possible in there. Your building was nice enough to spare a little room for an elevator you know of many who couldn't be bothered. Your apartment if you could call it that was on the 9th floor you couldn’t imagine how many steps that would be. Imagine bringing your food order up all that way Ooof. You make your way past dozens of other apartment doors until you arrive at yours. You unlock it with your finger print and step inside. It really wasn’t much but it was yours. You’re welcomed by your tiny shoe box of a kitchen, you head into the door to your left, your bathroom, or shower room you suppose, it’s far too small for a bath, you clean up after a hard day's work and heat your rations for dinner. It was supposed to taste like chicken soup but it beats you what chicken is supposed to taste like. You’ve heard it’s a rich man's delicacy, apparently it’s a bird, you can’t see how a bird would be very practical to eat. You've only ever seen wrens and crows though, apparently the really desperate even eat those, you suppose it would probably be better then rat. Your thoughts? You’ll stick to your lab grown rations.

Then it was time to snuggle into bed. You open the door to reveal a bed, that's almost all you can fit in the incredibly small bedroom. You managed to squeeze a bedside table and a lamp in the room, but it was quite the squeeze, at least you have a window. Many aren’t as lucky. You flop on the bed pulling the covers over you and turning your lamp off. Hopefully you’ll sleep soundly. You’d press X to doubt but you can dream harold.

Or not. Hours tick by and you turn over once again. There was no point in laying here bored so you instead scroll through the Holoweb.

Articles on extinct animals, news of a possible storm later in the month, more news on the rich getting richer, more robot rights protests in the upper city again. Oh a couple articles on soulmates interesting, are soulmates real? if you were immortal would your soulmate keep coming back? Can robots have soulmates?

Surely you need a soul to have a soulmate no? As interesting as those articles seem, you'd rather just keep scrolling. Is caffeine plus affecting sleep? That could be it but there is no way you could drop it now you’re in too deep.

You read article title after article title until eventually you tire your eyes out and finally drift to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Read the rest of the fic here ⬇️

[lucijawriteswords]

losing it | trevor zegras

summary: you and trevor have hit a rough patch recently, with covid and him being away and all, and everything comes to a head over his tournament.

warnings: 18+ SMUT!!! kissing, oral (m receiving). grossly emotional. some fluff. once again relatively tame. once again, unedited. apologies.

word count: 3.9k

A/N: hello hello! firstly, i cannot thank you all enough for your love. i’m absolutely floored. please, continue to let me know how you feel, who you want me to write about, what you want me to write about. it’s all for you anyways. for those of you who love whiny, obedient, indulgent hockey boys, this one is for you. for those of you who prefer the other kind: be patient with me. he’s on the way and he’s worth the wait. yes, the timelines probably don’t line up perfectly. yes, the logistics of everything are off. but you’re probably not here for that ;). i invite you to enjoy this little piece of me. until next time.

18+ below the cut

Z❤️: I don’t think u should come to the tourney

your entire body stilled as you read the message banner on the top of your phone screen. you had to be seeing things. your thumb was shaky as you moved it up to click on the notification. you blamed it on the train.

and there it was. you weren’t seeing things. trevor actually said you shouldn’t go to his tournament.

now, if it was any other tournament, you would’ve probably given in. said yes, settled for just seeing him on facetime. but this was his last time playing for the national team as a junior, a team he had grown up with, a team that was his family, and by extension, yours. you and trevor had been together for years, since you were both fifteen. his friends clowned you two endlessly for it, stating that there was no way it would work out in the big picture, that it was just a teenage thing, and it would end when you guys turned twenty.

you’d never even considered their words until now.

Y/N🌹: wdym?

awful answer, but you truly couldn't figure out what he meant. or rather, if he meant it.

Z❤️: Think I made it pretty clear when I said u shouldn’t come to the tourney. We have the whole covid bubble and I’m not gonna pretend its been sunshine and rainbows w us the past few weeks cause it hasnt

Y/N🌹: ok

Z❤️: Ok? U don’t care?

you scoffed.

Y/N🌹: i care trevor i just don’t wanna argue with you about this. ur obviously pretty convinced i shouldn’t be there so i’m not gonna try and change ur mind abt it

Z❤️: Ok then

Z❤️: I love you

Y/N🌹: i love you more. can we talk more a bit later?

read 4:13pm

you laughed bitterly, trying to ignore the tears stinging your eyes. the screen above the door signaled your stop and you stood, making your way off the train. the boston air was cold, seemingly clawing it’s way through your coat and hoodie and sinking it’s claws into your already wounded heart.

you felt tears, cold on your face. you wiped them away quickly, scolding yourself mentally. get over it, it’s not like he broke up with you. it’s just a tournament. he’ll have more tournaments in his life.

your hand, already cold, seemingly rattled as it pushed the door open to your apartment building. once you were in the elevator, your keys seemed to evade you, playing a game of hide and seek in your bag. huffing in annoyance, you slung the bag off your shoulder, setting it down on the floor of the elevator and rifling through the contents harshly. finally, you located the bastards, seizing them triumphantly, trying with every bit of your being to ignore the usa hockey keychain with his initials on the back. the elevator door ground it’s way open and you stepped out as quickly as possible, muttering to yourself, “hate that fuckin’ elevator.”

the aforementioned bastardized keys jingled loudly as you shoved the correct one into the lock. you twisted it, pushing the door open with your other hand before harshly removing the jesting hunk of metal and tossing it away. the metallic thud and halting of jingling as it landed somewhere was therapeutic to your aching mind.

as you flopped down onto the couch, you realized that all you wanted was to lay down and go to bed. so what if it was only 4:30? it was cold, dead winter in boston, your boyfriend wasn’t home, and you didn’t have anything to do because you didn’t have to pack anymore. you should’ve felt relief, right? no responsibilities, half a month without in person classes, no plane tickets and masks and new, scary airport rules, no name tags around your neck and no girls giggling and groaning right behind you over trevor. but you didn’t feel relief. you’d grown to love the chaos, to understand it and want it. hockey was one of the most important things in trevor’s life, and he was one of the most important things in yours, so hockey became integral to your life too. you learned the ins and outs, befriended his teammates, went to practices and sometimes even dryland, just to see him to what he loved.

it had changed a lot over the past year or so, with him being drafted and then covid. he wasn’t playing in california yet, so there was that, but it was at the forefront of his mind, and you could tell. that’s not to say he wasn’t finding success in college hockey, but his mind was obviously elsewhere. you’d never brought it up until a few weeks ago, when he was about to leave to enter the covid bubble for the juniors tournament. it was the night before he left when you finally brought it up.

two weeks ago

“hey z?”

he lifted his head from whatever he was looking at on his phone. “mhm?”

you walked over and sat down on the couch next to him. “i just want you to know that i’m here for you and you can talk to me.”

his face immediately screwed up and you felt your stomach drop. “what? why’re you saying that? did i do something wrong?” defensive.

you steadied yourself with an inhale. “no, but i just wanted to make sure you knew. i can tell there’s been a lot on your mind recently.”

he scoffed. “yeah, whatever.” his gaze returned to his phone.

“whatever? trevor, are you being serious?”

“yeah, y/n, i am.” he shot back, his gaze fiery as it collided with yours again. “ i’m fine, i don’t know what your deal is.”

“i never said you weren’t fine.”

“no, but you said i don’t seem focused.”

you furrowed your brow and shook your head, incredulous. “i did not say that. i said you seem like you have a lot on your mind.”

“same difference. what, am i not paying enough attention to you? am i playing poorly? what’s wrong with me now, y/n? what am i failing at? god, you’re stupid sometimes.”

you were stunned, jaw slack as you took in his words. you saw the recognition in his eyes, noticed the way his mouth opened to retract his words and offer a shitty apology, the way his torso rotated towards you and he held up a hand as an ask for forgiveness as he was about to defend himself.

your response was automatic.

“i don’t know why you’re asking what’s wrong with you now because, if i recall, and forgive me if i don’t because i’m so stupid, i’ve said jack shit to you about how much attention you give me or how you play. do you honestly think i care? news flash, i don’t. i don’t fucking care how you play! i don’t care if you don’t score, or get an assist, i wouldn’t fucking care if you didn’t put a single point up all season! because i care about you. i care about if you’re having fun and feeling proud of yourself for how hard you work. i love being able to do it all with you, trevor, but if you’re going to call me stupid for caring about you, i can definitely let you do it on your own.”

it was his turn to be floored.

after a pregnant pause filled with his confused eyes searching your face and your eyes almost letting go of their tears, his voice cut through. “you’re breaking up with me?” you weren’t imagining the tremble in his voice or the watering of his eyes.

“no, trevor, i’m not breaking up with you.” you sniffled, wiping under your eyes with the cuff of your hoodie. his hoodie. “i don’t think i could do that even if i wanted to. i’m just saying you don’t get to be mean to me-” your voice faltered, tears truly flowing now. you tried to keep your sobs inside, feeling the cushion you were on dip as trevor scooted over to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. you let go, cried into his chest, fingers clutching the back of his sweatshirt. you felt him crying too, the way his back shook and the wetness in the crook of your neck where his head was nestled. you shifted to be on top of him, legs straddling his, but there was nothing sexual about it. you just needed to be as close to him as you could be and you knew he needed you too.

trevor cried and cried and cried. you weren’t even hurt by what he said anymore. you’d known something was bugging him, that his mind wasn’t completely in it, but the way he cried- loud and hard and full of hurt- made you sad. it made you angry.

when you started to feel him twitch and hiccup, gasping for air in between sobs, barely getting air in, you knew your time in silence had ended. “baby, can you look at me?” he just squeezed you tighter and let out another sob into your neck. “honey, please.” he sniffled, reluctantly drawing his face away from your neck. your eyes filled with tears again at the sight of his face: lips and nose red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears, his eyes swollen and bloodshot. you brought your hands to cradle his head, thumbs swiping gently under his eyes. he melted into your touch.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered, so quiet and tearful you weren’t sure you heard it.

“thank you.” you whispered back, bringing your lips to his forehead and kissing it lightly.

“you’re not stupid. you’re the smartest person i know. i’m just-“ he took a deep breath, willing the tears away from his eyes. “just been really hard lately and i haven’t had an outlet. shouldn't have said that to you. i didn’t mean it.”

“i know, baby. i’m not mad. just wish you hadn’t said it. do you wanna talk?”

he nodded. “yeah, i wanna get it off my chest.”

“i’m listening.”

“i just don’t know if i’m good enough. i’m scared i’m not gonna make it in the league and i’m not gonna do well at worlds. i’m scared i’m gonna let the school team down, scared i’m not doing enough for you or that you’re gonna stop loving me. i don’t know,” he finished with a big sigh.

your eyes searched his face as you formulated an answer. “well, one thing i can promise you is that i’m not gonna stop loving you. and you’re doing more than enough. why do you think that i would stop loving you?”

“i dunno. i’m just in my head.”

“so get out,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood even the littlest bit.

a small smile made its way onto his face. “ha ha.”

“i’m serious, trev. i’m not going to stop loving you. nothing could make me. even if, somehow, life leads us separate ways- and i don’t think it will- i will always have love in my heart for you.”

he nodded with a sniffle, absorbing your words.

while he was in a talking mood, you decided to get the other one out of the way as well. “why’re you so concerned about hockey all of a sudden? you’ve been playing great here, your coaches at camps in california had nothing but good things to say. what’s up?”

“i’m not really sure. i guess i’m just in my head again. i compare myself to other players. like, jack went fucking first overall. he’s not even playing in the tournament because he’s in the nhl. and the guys that are coming, like coley and turcs, they both went above me in the draft. i just- i don’t know. i have the same training and experience and everything as those guys but i feel like i’ll underperform once we all get to the nhl.”

you just nodded, unable to find the right words. you knew how trevor was with hockey. he got in his head and convinced himself he wasn’t good enough even though he was beyond talented.

“i’m sorry,” was all you could muster.

he shakes his head, hair bouncing. “don’t be. not your fault.” a yawn breaks from his mouth.

“tired?” you hum, placing your head into the crook of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling into him. he lets his head fall sideways and rest on top of yours, his fingers lazily trailing up your sides. he hums an agreement and without another words carries you into the bedroom, sleepy apologies and ‘i love yous’ falling from both of your lips as you drift off.

now

breaking out of your reverie, you realized you were very cold. and your phone had stopped buzzing. standing up with creaky joints, you slipped your phone onto the wireless charger on the coffee table and flipped the heat up a couple degrees, padding into you and trevor’s shared bedroom to grab a sweatshirt.

tugging the garment over your head, you grabbed your favorite soft blanket from the end of the bed and made your way back to the couch to settle in and watch something.

a few minutes into your tv show, your phone screen lit up as it regained its charge, messages and snapchats pouring in.

from one person.

you almost broke the remote with how quickly you slammed the pause button, grabbing your phone with the charger still attached and clutching it tight, immediately opening you and trevor’s messages.

5:07pm

Z❤️: I can talk now if u wanted

Z❤️: Sorry to leave you on read we had a team meeting that I didn’t know about

Y/N🌹: it’s ok

Y/N🌹: should i call u?

Z❤️: Wait one sec

your brows furrowed.

Z❤️: Ok click on this

a banner appeared at the top of your screen from the wallet app:

New Boarding Pass from Southwest Airlines

your heart quite nearly fell out of your body. what kind of joke was he playing at?

Y/N🌹: trev r u serious

Y/N🌹: what kind of joke is this cause i’m not laughing

Z❤️: I’m going to explain everything rn

Y/N🌹: um hell yes you are

Z❤️: Rawr 🐱

despite yourself, a snort escaped your nose.

Y/N🌹: stop being funny and explain

Z❤️: During practice I just wasn’t playing well and a bunch of the guys were chirping me saying ‘how can you keep that bird if you can barely keep a puck’ and other bullshit like that and it just got under my skin

Y/N🌹: t don’t listen to them they’re full of shit

Y/N🌹: you know you’re talented

Z❤️: I know

Z❤️: I miss you so much

Y/N🌹: i miss you more

Y/N🌹: but i don’t understand the ticket. that’s not that bad of a chirp

Z❤️: I just really need you to be here and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it earlier

you smiled, your thumbs flying across the screen of your phone.

Y/N🌹: what airport do i fly into?

Z❤️: It’s all on the boarding pass baby just pack whatever you need for a few weeks cause u change outfits all the time and figure out a ride to the airport

Z❤️: I can order you an uber to the airport?

Y/N🌹: no baby that’s okay you’ve done way more than enough

Y/N🌹: trevor i love you so much

Z❤️: Im not tired I wanna keep talking to you

Z❤️: Can we ft while you pack?

Y/N🌹: you’re perfect

3 days later

the noises of the airport surrounded you as you made your way through the tunnel off the plane, your overfilled carryon and heavy backpack giving your back a run for its money.

waiting by the baggage claim was treacherous. your phone was going crazy in your hand.

Y/N🌹: just landed, waiting by baggage claim

Z❤️: Ok I am outside the baggage claim door

Z❤️: I have a hat and mask on so you might not recognize my wonderful hair or gorgeous face but i have this red and navy usa hky puffer thingy on

Y/N🌹: ur such a weirdo

Y/N🌹: who taught u the word puffer miss girly girl

Z❤️: Shush

Z❤️: Just get your bagggggggggg and come out here I miss you

you smiled at your phone and shut it off, looking at the spinning track, willing your bag to come out quickly.

you bounced impatiently on the balls of your feet as the gray suitcase made its way around, grabbing the handle excitedly and hauling it off the track as it got to you.

the wheels thrummed against the linoleum as you popped the handle up and scurried your way out the door, thanking the employee standing nearby.

the automatic doors squealed on their tracks as your suitcase wheels rattled over the concrete, turning as you exited the doors in a search for trevor. your eyes searched left and right for the navy and red puffer he said he’d be wearing, and when your eyes landed on him, your knees nearly buckled.

“trevor!” you shouted out excitedly, throwing a hand up in the air and waving at him, an unfiltered and toothy and real smile breaking onto your face.

you could practically see him smile even with the mask, walked him step quickly through people until he was clear, then break into a run the last few paces.

his chest collided with you in a bone crushing, devastating hug, a hug that said i’m sorry. i love you. please let me keep loving you. your arms wound around his back, hands digging into his jacket and you buried yourself into him.

“missed you so much, honey. i’m so sorry.” he murmured into your hair, pressing kisses onto your head through the mask.

you nodded, lifting your head from his chest, your eyes meeting. “let’s go to the car, yeah?” you nodded again, following him.

the streets and parking garage were near empty, a strange phenomenon around an airport. trevor’s grip on your hand was tight as he led you to the car, squeezing every now and again, like he couldn’t believe that you were there.

once your bags were in the car and you were sitting next to him in the passenger seat, the atmosphere between you changed drastically. tension shimmered between you two like hot air rising above the blacktop. his hand found its home on your thigh, drawing light circles, making you shiver.

his gaze strayed to you, eyes brimming with something that looked a lot like love, but more like want.

“how far is the hotel?” you breathed out, your true intentions on full display. and why wouldn’t they be?

“bout 45 minutes.” trevor responds, his hand simultaneously moving further up your thigh, nearing your clothed center. you squirmed, crossing your legs, leaning towards him.

“plenty of time, then.” you murmured as you moved your hands towards his zipper, towards what you wanted. you fiddled with the zipper tag, trailing your fingernails across the seam covering his bulge. “come on baby, don’t tease me.” he ground out, taking a turn a little to sharp when you scratched your nails down his denim clad thigh.

“or what, z? what’re you gonna do to me? gonna make me pay?” how you would love for him to make you pay.

he whined, the leather of the steering wheel groaning as his grip tightened. “please, baby. please. you’re killing me. i won’t make you pay, ill be so good when we get there, baby, ill do whatever you want.” he sputtered, turning off of the main road onto some side street away for the noise of an inner city airport.

a grin snaked onto your face, finally pulling his zipper down, almost salivating at the sight of this bulge of his pretty cock in his boxers. you shimmied his pants down, fingers digging into his rigid thighs, nails leaving crescent moons in the flesh. he huffed out something between a moan and a sob, head lolling to the side. “please, baby, please, just touch me. please, i’ll be good.”

“if you insist.” you cooed evilly, trailing a feather light fingertip over him through his boxers.

incredibly, finally, you took him in your hand, pumping him through his boxers, the soft fabric gliding along him, coaxing a moan from his pretty mouth.

trevor’s eyes, which had never strayed from the road, flared and his hips lifted pathetically in the air, searching for something, anything to relive the ache in his cock.

your core clenched around nothing at the sight of him, of his pathetic and desperate thrusts into the air, at how badly he needed your touch. he was quickly relieved of his boxers as you pushed them down, the fabric bunching around the hem of his pushed down pants. the car slowed to a stop, the noise of then turn signal and his ragged breathing almost comedic, almost shameful, but so, so right.

you looked up at him, the way his jaw clenched and his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, trying to play the role of dedicated driver to the cars in the adjacent lanes. an evil grin clawed its way onto your face before you lifted him to your mouth, taking him deeply at once, groaning at the silky, hot skin, the heavy feel of him on your tongue.

"holy fuck-" the car stuttered forward before the brakes were slammed back on, causing his cock to lurch deeper into your mouth, a pathetic whine leaving trevor's lips as he brushed the back of your throat. you just hummed around him, bobbing your head and bracing yourself against the console as the car accelerated slowly into a turn.

a murmured comment of "thank god for tinted windows," or something of that sort, caused you to let a small laugh out of your nose, the muscles in your throat constricting around him. you heard his ragged pants and the sound of his head hitting the headrest as he undoubtedly threw it back.

"baby, i'm gonna lose it, you're killing me." he whined, raising his hips off the seat, the strong muscle of his thigh pushing into your chest.

you simply grinned around his delicious length, pushing your head down till your nose almost met the soft skin at his base before pulling almost all the way off of him, tracing your teeth along the prominent vein on the underside of his cock, featherlight and torturous at the same time.

"shit." trevor heaved a sigh, chest caving in as he fought the urge to let go.

you trailed your nails up the taut muscle of his thigh, fingers splaying to anchor yourself. you felt him harden like steel and twitch in your mouth; you could almost smell the release coming over him like a wave, savoring the way his hips rolled and stuttered and finally bucked up into your mouth as he let go with a whimpered "fuck."

you moaned around him, laving your tongue over his now shuddering cock, taking everything he would give you.

"holy shit. holy shit." he whispered, one hand coming down to your head to gently urge you off him, overstimulation crashing over him suddenly and and unbearably.

you just sat back up and licked your lips, drowning in his taste.

"just wait till we get back to the hotel," you chuckled, crossing your legs and turning the radio on.

[autumnation]

getting really sentimental with the ocs today

[suntails]

⚔️👑

[little-pup-pip]

THEY'RE HERE!!! MY BOYS!!

[arsenicflame]

stede is 'oh this place has something related to my interest i must go in immediately' autistic and izzy is 'if we deviate one inch from my plan for today i will murder someone' autistic

[alwayshappyhoursomewhere]

L'apprenti sorcier 2024.08.08 Satoko Miyahara & Stéphane Lambiel | The Sleeping Beauty by Pëtr Il'ič Čajkovskij, performed by Beatrice Berrut

[bowenoke]

Just. Had an idea for a beeduo comic. In the Year Of Our Lord 2023?? am I possessed? Is it the fever??? girl this Sickness is Kicking My Ass