assortedcriminality

[assortedcriminality]

snippet #11 - If I Can't Have You

“What a shame you have to recharge,” Villain said from the shadows. “I suppose great power always comes at a cost.” 

Hero searched the darkness in the dead-end alleyway before them, trying to catch their lover’s eye. Usually, they could feel the energy in their veins, sizzling like warm embers. But they’d exhausted their power—now it lay dormant beneath their skin, hopelessly inaccessible. It would be hours before they could reach for their ability again, which left them completely defenseless against Villain’s superhuman strength and speed. Any other day, they wouldn’t have worried about that. But today, there was something different about Villain. Something that scared them, overpowering the instinct to trust them that had built up during their relationship. 

“I’ve wondered before if we’d ever end up like this. I always imagined our positions would be reversed, though.” The origin of Villain’s voice kept changing, forcing Hero to continue turning around to keep up. “That you would finally realize your true potential and take your place above me. For a while, I stopped believing that you could be capable of something like that. But now…”

“I would never do that to you,” Hero said. “I love-”

“Stop.” The silence that followed Villain’s command rang in their ears like thunder. “I don’t want to hear it. You lied to me. You’ve been lying for-“ they cut themself off as the anger in their tone rose. “For almost a year.” 

Dread sent a chill down their spine. “I swear on my life, Villain, I’ve never lied to you.” 

“No? So it’s not true that the only reason we’re together is that you had orders to get close to me?”

Hero breathed in sharply. No. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. “That’s not the reason. It’s-it’s not that at all, I was falling for you before Sup-before anyone at the agency suggested that!”

Villain’s boots clicked against the stone as they walked in a slow circle, still invisible to Hero’s eyes. “And you just… neglected to inform me? Forgot, maybe?”

“I-I didn’t think it mattered, we were happy-”

“Happy,” their lover repeated. “Happy living your lie. You were never going to tell me, were you?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” they said, the words coming out choked. The lump in their throat made it feel like the airway was closing up, working against them to seal off any chance of reconciliation. They swallowed, trying hard to push it down. 

“I would’ve done anything.” Villain sounded disgusted with themself. “God, Hero, I would’ve done anything for you.” 

“I didn’t want you to!” Hero cried. “I just-”

“What? What did you want from me? Information? Money? Why do this at all if you never intended to spy on me, to sell my secrets to Superhero?”

“No, you don’t understand-”

“I understand fine,” Villain hissed, suddenly only inches away from their ear. Hero stiffened, trying to control their racing heart. The hairs on the back of their neck stood up as if they were saluting a higher power, as if Hero was no longer in control of their own body. Their fingers itched to summon the energy that should be so easy to call. If only they had been smarter, faster, better. Burning out their power was so stupid, so avoidable. And now Hero was stuck here with no way out, faced with the consequences of their own worst mistake. They closed their eyes and breathed in slowly.

“Villain, I…I just wanted you,” they whispered. 

The criminal laughed, retreating back to the darkness. “Liar.” The accusation echoed around the narrow alley, ricocheting off the grimy bricks and striking Hero from all directions. “You don’t want me. You don’t even know the real me. Superhero told you to seduce me-“

“It’s not like that!” Hero interrupted, horror condensing into a pit in their stomach, but Villain ignored them.

“So you created a version of me in your head, someone who fit your ideals, that you could stomach being around. Pretended you could make me into that person, teach me how to be moral, show me off to your agency friends. Congratulate yourself on a job well done.” They practically spat the last few words, derision dripping off every syllable. 

“That’s not true!”

“Or maybe you did actually try. Maybe you thought you could act so well you’d convince yourself. But you couldn’t. You were too afraid. Of what? Your own feelings? What a perfect hero like you might end up doing if you actually fell in love with someone like me?”

“Villain.” Their voice broke as tears pricked at their eyes. Hero took a few steps backward, forcing themself to stop panicking, trying to recover their composure. “Villain, I am in love with you.” 

The shadows seemed to flash, and in that blink, their lover appeared before them, an inscrutable expression painted across their features. Villain took Hero’s face in their hands, like they had done dozens of times before in quiet, peaceful moments of intimacy. Their skin was cool, fingers and palms hardened with calluses from years of never-ending battles. The feeling was painfully familiar—a reminder of home, of a better life, a bright future. Villain’s thumb brushed over their lower lip, and Hero leaned into the touch, silently praying for everything to go back to the way it was. 

“No,” Villain said. “You’re not.” 

A tear rolled down Hero’s cheek and disappeared into their lover’s hand. “We can still fix this,” they breathed. “We can be happy.”

Villain shook their head as they wiped away the trail the tear had left. “I can’t have you anymore. Don’t you understand? You were never mine.”

“No, I-I’ll be yours, I’ll be with you, whatever you want.” Hero’s hands were trembling, their shoulders shaking from repressed sobs. “Please, Villain.”

“I wanted you,” Villain said quietly. They pressed their lips to Hero’s left cheek. “I trusted you.” Then the right. “I loved you.” Finally, their mouths met, and Hero’s eyes fluttered closed as they kissed them back, channeling their passion, everything they felt for their lover. For a moment, Hero’s fears vanished. They lost themself in the embrace, forgetting the pain they’d felt and caused. Villain felt right with them, as they had for so many months. The two fit perfectly, made for each other, impossible to tear apart. Just in those few precious seconds, Hero believed that love would be enough, that they could be together again. 

Without warning, Villain broke the kiss and pushed them back, hard, so that their back hit the wall. In the same movement, the criminal pressed their body against Hero’s, forcing them into the brick. Hero’s mouth opened in shock, but Villain covered it instantly with a firm hand, holding their head in place. Terror seized their body, gripping their heart like a red-hot vise. The crimefighter’s wide, adrenaline-dilated eyes met Villain’s gaze; dark and unfeeling. The spark they once held had disappeared, leaving an empty void that drew Hero further in with each passing second. They were helpless to its call, frozen in the infinite stretch of space that now stood between them and the person they once loved more than anything.

“You’re not mine. You never will be. But if I can’t have you,” Villain said in a low voice as cold and sweet as deadly poison, “no one can.”

@whumpages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom @whumplicity @infinitorum

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[assortedcriminality]

snippet #10 - Happy Birthday

It's my birthday! So here's a bonus snippet as my present to you <3

Hero unlocked the door to their apartment, trying not to stumble as they stepped inside. After lending their favorite daggers to Sidekick and then having their sword immediately broken by Other Villain, they’d had to resort to punching and kicking the whole day. That, plus climbing six flights of stairs in their stupid apartment building that somehow still didn’t have an elevator, was testing the very last of Hero’s patience. All they wanted to do was take a shower, change out of their uncomfortable uniform into their pajamas, and fall asleep. It was already long past sunset, and they had another long day tomorrow. They reached for the light and flicked it on, blinking at the sudden contrast.

“Surprise!” 

Hero whirled around, assuming a fighting stance with their fists clenched and ready to strike. At their small kitchen table sat a cake with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles, a large golden bag with green tissue paper sticking out haphazardly, and an annoyingly familiar face. 

“Happy birthday, Hero,” Villain said, wearing an infuriating grin. 

Hero dropped their fists, throwing their head back and huffing a sigh. “Vil. I am really not in the mood for this right now.”

“Not in the mood for your birthday?” The criminal exclaimed. “Come on, I made you a cake!”

“You made that?” Hero took a few reluctant steps closer to examine it. It didn’t look good, per se, but it was standing up straight, and there weren’t any patches showing through the frosting. “There isn’t a bomb inside it, is there?” 

Villain let out an exaggerated scoff. “I’m extremely hurt that you would make such an accusation. I’m also going to have to remember that so I can do it to Other Villain, that’d be hilarious.”

“Well, they broke my sword today, so I’d be okay with it.”

“The titanium one? I don’t even think I could do that.”

“Oh, you definitely couldn’t.”

The criminal raised their hands. “Touchy, touchy. You know, I spent a lot of time on this cake. You could at least be grateful.”

“Thanks. Is it poison?”

“No! That’s far less entertaining than a bomb, anyway, I’d never do that. Who do you take me for, Superhero? What a bore.” 

“Alright, fine, whatever,” Hero grumbled. They turned and opened a few cabinets, pulling out plates, forks, and a kitchen knife. They moved to set the other items down on the table before taking the knife and holding it over the cake. “How big of a piece do you want?”

“Oh, I don’t want any,” Villain said flippantly. “I can’t cook, it probably tastes terrible.” 

Hero rolled their eyes and cut themself a small piece. It was red velvet—their favorite—the inside an unnaturally vivid crimson color, brighter than any cake they’d ever seen. They set it on one of the plates and turned to Villain with a quizzical expression.

“I may have added a little too much food coloring,” they admitted. “Look, how was I supposed to know the recipe meant three tablespoons and not three bottles?”

“I have no idea how you’ve managed to stay alive this long.”

“Through eating takeout, mostly.” Villain pulled out the chair next to them and patted the seat. “Sit down, sit down, try it!”

Hero sat, picking up a fork and hesitantly using it to pick up a small piece of the cake. 

Villain leaned over, close enough that their head almost touched their nemesis’ shoulder. “Get some of the frosting, that should be good. It’s mostly sugar, so...” 

The crimefighter glanced at them dubiously before dipping the piece in the icing and carefully placing it in their mouth. 

Villain winced as Hero’s expression immediately turned to disgust, coughing from the strength of the bitter, chemical taste. Their eyes watered as they tried to choke the cake down, swallowing hard to get it out of their mouth. 

“Damn,” Villain said. “You probably shouldn’t have swallowed that.”

They cleared their throat, running their tongue along their teeth to try to get rid of the remnants. “Remember when Supervillain tried out that slime gun on my team? Some of that got in my mouth, and I was fine.” 

It was Villain’s turn to make a face. “I can’t believe you admitted that. That’s disgusting.”

Hero grinned. “Not as disgusting as this cake!”

“All right, no need to rub it in. Okay. Anyway. I have a present for you.” Villain indicated the golden gift bag sitting beside the cake. 

“Is it a-“

“It’s not a bomb.” 

Hero eyed it with no shortage of suspicion. “You’re sure?”

“Very. How did you get so paranoid?”

“Because of all the times it was a bomb.”

“I do love making things blow up,” they mused, placing their elbows on the table and putting their chin in their hands. “But come on, I’d never blow up my nemesis on their birthday, that’s just rude. Now open it, or I’ll make you eat more cake.”

Hero rolled their eyes, drawing the bag toward themself. It was pretty light, which was a good sign that it wasn’t something particularly dangerous. They pulled a sheet of the green tissue paper out, and then another, revealing something made of dark fabric folded inside. Villain’s eyes glinted with excitement as they watched Hero take the gift out of the bag and let it fall open, revealing the full item. It was a hero uniform, that was clear—modeled after the ones Hero and their team wore. But it was far more streamlined and stylish, a simple design: black with silver stripes down the sides and sleeves. The material was flexible but sturdy, unlike the ridiculously stiff and itchy uniform they currently wore. Aside from the suit’s comfort, it also had what seemed to be at least two dozen straps, pockets, and slots for keeping all kinds of weapons and supplies.

“There’s also a hidden hood in the back and a face covering that extends from the neck,” Villain added. “And there are matching gloves in the bottom of the bag with built-in brass knuckles. But, you know, silver, because-”

“It’s my favorite,” Hero finished. “I can’t believe you made this for me, Villain.” It was perfect. They didn’t think anyone had ever given them a more thoughtful gift in their life. And for it to come from their nemesis, of all people…

“Well, I didn’t do all the work. I got an idea of your measurements-” 

“I thought you had been touching me more lately!” They exclaimed. “Wow. You’re a real creep.”

“-and drew up some blueprints, or patterns, or whatever you call them, and bought the stuff. And then I kidnapped a tailor to sew it.”

“Oh my God, Vil.”

“Don’t give me that look!” They sputtered. “I paid her, okay? You think I could’ve sewn that by myself?! What do you want from me?”

Hero shook their head and returned their focus to the new outfit, turning it back and forth to see every feature. A smile formed its way onto their lips despite their admonishments. They couldn’t believe the thought that Villain had put into this. From noticing how much Hero disliked their agency uniform to taking time away from their beloved schemes to plan the whole thing out...

Their nemesis leaned in again, almost directly in front of their face. “You like it?”

“Yeah, I can totally kick your ass in this.”

“I can’t wait,” Villain muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Seriously, though, it’s amazing,” Hero said. “You didn’t have to do this just for me.”

Villain smiled. “You’re my nemesis. Of course I’d do it for you.” 

“I’m not sure you know what that word means. But thank you. I’d try it on now, except I’m about to pass out and smash my nose into this horrible cake.”

“All right, I’ll take the cake away, jeez.” The criminal pushed away from the table and stood up, using Hero’s fork to manipulate their unfinished slice back into place. Somehow, they did this with the same precision and care they would use to arm a grenade. They picked up the cake plate with one hand and gestured in a flourish to Hero with the other. “Enjoy the rest of your birthday night, my lovely archenemy. And make sure to take a shower, you smell.”

“Good night, Vil.” 

“Oh, and I’ll need that gift bag back, it’s the best one I have. Night!” With that, Villain flashed a final grin before making their way to the window—which Hero had only just noticed was wide open—and leaping out of it without a hint of hesitation. 

After a minute, Hero got up and began their routine, hanging the new uniform in their closet as they went. They couldn’t remember the last birthday they’d had that had felt like this one. Weird, for sure, but that was most of their life in this profession. Instead of the mild disappointment and unenthusiasm they’d come to associate with the day, they felt… happy. And it was because of Villain. They smiled to themself, and didn’t stop smiling until their head hit the pillow and they finally drifted off to sleep. 

@whumpages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom @whumplicity @infinitorum

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[assortedcriminality]

Oh my GOOOODDDD “unmasked” was so good. Please continue it!

“S-stop,” Hero managed to whisper, voice tiny and trembling. “Please.” 

Their plea may as well have been lost to the winds that raged in the storm outside their dark window. Villain continued to sweep glinting eyes over their nemesis’ face. They appeared almost drunken at the sight before them, a predatory smile spreading across their lips. “I’ve waited so long for this,” they breathed. “Seeing you in that mask every day was torture. You don’t understand what it did to me, Hero.”

The crimefighter shuddered beneath them at the tone of their words. It was the dark joy of a cat finally catching an elusive mouse, the satisfaction of a cheetah taking down a fleet-footed gazelle. Incessant waves of fear continued to paralyze their body on the bed. They could’ve sworn they could feel themself sinking deeper into it, moments away from free-falling into an abyss. Their breath came shakily, unsteady, as if the lungs that had kept them alive all this time suddenly chose to neglect their purpose. 

“Gods, you’re perfect.” Villain’s grip on them tightened, causing them to let out a gasp. The criminal leaned even closer, only centimeters away from brushing Hero’s nose with their own. By reflex, Hero's eyes fluttered shut, their heartbeat continuing to rise, the sound it created in their ears drowning out every other thought in their mind. 

“Eyes open.” They obeyed the command almost unconsciously, like they had been hypnotized. Villain’s grin grew even wider, exposing sharply pointed canines that could easily pierce through skin. “Good. Very good.” 

Hero felt as if sparks of lightning were dancing under their skin. They couldn’t just allow this to happen, could they? Would they? “I-”

“Shhh.” Villain’s grasp had loosened slightly, and they began to slowly stroke their thumbs against the inside of Hero’s wrists. The intimacy of the gesture sent chills down their spine, and they had to resist the urge to shiver off the feeling. “It’s okay. You don’t have to speak now—just listen. Can you do that for me?”

Despite their confusion, Hero gave a small nod. 

“Since the moment I met you,” they began, “I knew that I had to have you. I wanted to know you, to see you beyond the mask, beyond the agency. You were always so quiet, but that never mattered to me. I knew there was more. I can see it now, in your eyes… I can see you, Hero. Gods, it’s more than I ever imagined. We can be together now. I know your powers aren’t working. I can help you. Fix you. I know you better than anyone. You won’t ever need anyone else again. You know that there’s no one out there who would be better for you.”

They stayed silent as Villain’s eyes started to narrow. “Isn’t there? Answer me. Who else could be there for you? Who would comfort you, love you?”

Hero hesitated for a long moment, unsure if they wanted an actual response. When the pause between them continued to lengthen, they finally spoke. “...Other He-”

“Don’t say that name,” Villain snarled, anger momentarily contorting their features into those of a shadowy monster. The pure rage in their voice defeated any semblance of hope Hero still held onto. There was no reasoning with someone like this, a person who acted more like a rabid animal than a human being. They should have known that there would be no coming back from this. “If you ever mention that name again, I will kill them. Do you understand?”

Hero swallowed, overcome with a new layer of terror. Other Hero was their best friend in the world, the only one who understood them, the rainbow in their thundering clouds. They couldn’t bear anything happening to them, especially if it was because of Hero’s mistakes. “Y-yes.”

“Good.” Their smile reappeared easily like nothing happened. “That’s right. Nobody loves you like I do. We’re made for each other, Hero. Now, I need you to do something for me. I’m going to leave you here for the night. Don’t tell anyone I was here. Tomorrow, I’ll find you in the city and we’ll leave together. You won’t need to bring anything. I’ll give you whatever you want, as long as you promise to be mine. I can make you so happy, my Hero. All you have to do is come with me, and you’ll never have to fight again. I’ll keep you safe. Wouldn’t that be a better life?”

Hero forced themself to nod again. What Villain was offering them was the stuff of their nightmares, where they were trapped far away from their city, unable to lift a finger to help the innocent civilians plagued by crime and fear. But if doing it would save Other Hero… they had to comply with what their nemesis wanted. No matter how much they wanted to scream, to run away, to strike Villain with a bolt of lightning and find solace in the arms of their best friend instead of their worst enemy. 

“Say it. Say that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” Hero whispered. 

“Forever.”

“Forever,” they repeated.

Villain pressed a light kiss to their forehead. “I’ll be waiting for you, my love.”

With that, they vanished, and the pressure above Hero disappeared. The door was shut, as though no one had ever come in. The bed beneath them felt cold now, empty. Outside, the storm continued to thunder on, bombarding the streets in an endless flood. Hero could almost feel the drops hit their skin, building up around them, rising in a steady stream until the water closed over their head. They shut their eyes and released a slow breath. Twin tears escaped from their lids, tracing mirrored paths down the sides of their face. Electricity radiated from the spot where Villain had kissed them. 

Their chest ached like nothing Hero had ever felt before, more painful than a blade to the heart. They felt a panicked dread in their core that didn’t seem to lessen as the seconds ticked on, one they feared would stay with them like a wound that never healed. They would never be able to fix it, they knew that now. All they could do was desperately try to keep it from spreading, creating a canyon that grew wider and wider until it swallowed them whole.

They would meet their nemesis. They would go with them, stay with them, allow them to do anything they wanted to them. They would completely and utterly belong to Villain, forever. They would leave Other Hero behind and never tell them why. They would hide their hurt deep enough that it would never show, pretend that they could ever love Villain, that they could push away the past. Hero let the pain wash over them like a spring rain, imagining light reflecting in their irises, the colors of the rainbow shining beneath white clouds, a hand clasped in theirs, the feeling of a mask slipping off of their face.

I’m yours. Forever.

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom @whumplicity @infinitorum

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[assortedcriminality]

Bad Blood - part II

part I

The day after Villain broke down their door, Hero sat in their armchair, cozy and deeply engrossed in their new novel. It was far more interesting than their day had been, thankfully, no long falls or drunk vampires. Not even a hungover vampire—Villain had left before the crimefighter woke up, leaving only the broken door as a reminder that they had been there at all. At least they had had the decency to sweep the wood shards into a pile in the entranceway before fleeing the scene of the crime. Hero would have to take care of it on their day off this weekend. 

Most evenings, they were too tired to do anything besides read or fill out a few mindnumbingly-boring pieces of paperwork from a pile that never seemed to deplete. Hero had a theory that the power-suppressing cuff they had to wear was sucking away their energy when they were off-duty. They really wouldn’t put it past the agency to subject its heroes to unsafe, experimental tech. Whatever. As long as Hero could help when they needed to, it was fine. Though if random criminals kept popping up after hours, they might just break the armband over one of their heads. 

“Good book?” A voice asked from behind the chair. 

Hero snapped the book shut and spun to their feet in one swift motion, bringing them inches away from the smug face of their nemesis. 

“I swear to god, Villain, the next time you do that, I’m pouring a bottle of holy water over your head,” they snapped. 

The vampire pouted, leaning back and crossing their arms. “Oh, you’re no fun.”

Hero studied their eyes, free of the glaze that had coated them the last time Villain was there. “You’re sober now, right?”

“Unfortunately. If I wasn’t, I could kiss that pretty face of yours without even jeopardizing our relationship as mortal enemies,” they said matter-of-factly.

“…you remember that?” Their fingers went unconsciously to the healed wound on their forearm, grazing the unmarked skin. 

“Darling, I remember everything,” Villain informed them with a tone of great self-importance. “It’s part of the curse of immortality”

Hero raised an eyebrow. “Do you? Even the time you tripped on that fancy cape during your monologue in front of Superhero last year?”

“Hm.” Villain tapped their chin and pretended to think. “No, I don’t seem to recall.”

“Well, do you remember splintering my door into a million pieces the last time you were here?”

Villain’s expression was overtaken by a look of performative sorrow. “That, I do, and I am terribly sorry. I have the money here to repay you for the trouble.” Villain pulled a fat envelope from their pocket and held it out, bowing their head in mock subjection. 

Hero snatched it from their hand. “This better not be stolen.”

Villain shot back upright, feigning shock. “Why ever would you accuse me of such a thing? I must say, dear, your manners are simply atrocious.”

“Forgive me,” Hero deadpanned. They opened the envelope and nearly did a double take at the amount of bills inside. “Holy shit, Vil, how much do you think a door costs?”

They gave a languid shrug. “How should I know? It’s impossible to keep up with humans and your inflation.” Villain said that as if they were five centuries old, but Hero was pretty sure they had only been a vampire for a few decades. 

“Why don’t you just kiss it better instead?” 

“I’d get splinters, and I need this face for the wanted posters.” 

“How come you never kissed me before, anyway?” There had certainly been many times that Hero had been injured around their nemesis. Once, Villain had run into them when Hero was walking home from a fight with Other Villain, during which they had taken a hit to their forehead. The head wound was bleeding so much that Villain nearly threw up at the sight of them and then refused to see them for a week, until the smell had completely dissipated. They definitely hadn’t offered a kiss then. “Or do you only stoop that low when you’re shit-faced?” 

Villain scoffed, but Hero could’ve sworn they saw a light flush color their cheeks. “I don’t just go around kissing anyone.”

“I’m just anyone to you?” Hero asked with a raised brow. “I thought I was your favorite hero.”

“Don’t oversell yourself, dear. You’re maybe in the top… twelve. Or something like that.” 

“Right. That’s not what you said last night.”

“Well, I was, as you said, shit-faced, so I’m not responsible for any of that.” 

“Fair point.” 

Villain smiled, revealing their razor-sharp incisors. “Why, thank you. I suppose your etiquette hasn’t entirely escaped you.” 

God, they were annoying sometimes. “You’re one to talk about etiquette. This is the second time in two days you’ve come to my apartment unannounced. You have my number, you could at least text.” 

“Texting.” Villain waved a dismissive hand. “I don’t believe in that sort of thing. Besides, you’ve seen how polite I am. I paid you for the door, didn’t I?”

“With money from your latest bank robbery, I’m sure.” It was the vampire’s fault that every bank in the city had ridiculous amounts of insurance on the contents of their vaults. At this point, they stole cash so frequently that no hero in the city bothered to try to stop them. 

“Why, I never! You know, Hero, I was going to offer you another gift to make up for last night, but now I think I’ll just give it to someone else.” They turned on their heel dramatically, heading for the empty doorframe. 

“Oh, for the love of—Villain, come back,” they called, exasperated. “I’m sorry, all right?”

The vampire stopped dead, and in a flash, they were right back in front of Hero, nearly blinding the crimefighter with their luminous grin. “Wonderful. Now, there’s this event on Saturday. Very fancy. I’ll even buy you a dreadfully expensive outfit for it, something far better than anything your measly salary could cover. We’ll be the most attractive couple there by far.”

Hero chose to ignore the part about being a couple. “And where will that be, exactly?”

They pulled out a second, less thick envelope and presented it to Hero with the same primness as before. It was addressed to Villain in sloping red script, with no return address. When they turned it over, the wax seal was already broken, but the symbol on it appeared to be in the shape of a crimson teardrop—or a drop of blood. Hesitantly, they took the card out and unfolded the yellowish parchment. ‘We cordially invite you to attend the first annual vampire masquerade ball. Refreshments will be provided, however; you are welcome to bring your own. One plus one is allocated per guest. Please refrain from taking photographs, as it would be ineffective and distracting during the event.’

Hero looked up to meet Villain’s glinting eyes. “A vampire party?” they asked. “Is that really a good idea?”

“Of course, dear. No one will touch you if you’re with me.” 

“I’ve probably fought a lot of the people who are going to be there, though.” Ever since Villain became their nemesis, they had been assigned to several more vampire cases. Most of them didn’t make trouble nearly as often as Villain, but Hero had definitely separated quite a few of them from their meals. Then they’d had to deal with hangry vampires, which were the most irritating kind. 

“I’m sure they won’t remember,” Villain said. “Water under the bridge, and such.” 

“You said that immortals remember everything.”

“Did I?”

They spent a few seconds resisting the urge to punch Villain in the fangs before responding. “It’s a kind offer, but-”

The vampire held up a manicured hand. “Dear, I know that Saturday is your day off, so you have no excuse to refuse my very generous invitation.” 

Damn. “Well…” 

“Excellent. I’ll be here at six with the clothes. Try not to sustain any traumatic injuries in the next few days, will you? My esteemed peers will go quite feral if they smell that, I’m afraid.”

“I-”

“Good night, darling!” With a final shine of their knife-like smile, Villain was gone, leaving the apartment silent once again. 

Hero collapsed back onto their armchair, setting the elegant invitation on the coffee table beside them. It would be fine. Just a hall full of bloodthirsty vampires and their human subjugates to contend with, and only Villain to stand in between. What a reassuring thought. They shook their head and picked their book back up. Hopefully, the next few evenings would be more peaceful. Though with Villain, there was really no way to know. Just their luck to get a nemesis with no sense of boundaries. Or personal space. Or of how much a door costs, so at least there was that little bonus. Maybe they’d pick up some garlic bread this week. And a few assorted holy symbols, just in case. That would settle their nerves. After all, it was just a party. What could go wrong?

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom @whumplicity

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[assortedcriminality]

snippet #9 - Unmasked

Hero lay in bed with their eyes closed, traces of tears clearly visible on their face. They hadn’t bothered to take their hair out of its now-messy braid, too tired to do anything but rest on top of the neatly folded covers. Today had been horrible, a slip on Hero’s part, bad enough that Superhero had benched them for the next week. Villain had almost taken their mask off. Their identity had been so close to being revealed, something that would have instantly placed them in incredible danger.

Thank the gods for Other Hero, who had managed to get the criminal off of Hero before that could happen. They were still shaken, and on top of that, their powers were malfunctioning. No one knew why—one minute Hero could summon any type of weather, an ability they were feared and respected for, and the next, they could barely make it drizzle. It was infuriating, especially with the way the rest of the heroes were treating them because of it. But… not Other Hero. They understood. They were so kind, so empathetic. Hero was glad to have them as a friend. 

They heard the creak of the door as it opened slowly, padded footsteps making their way over to where Hero was lying. Usually, Hero would have turned around, or at least said something, but they just didn’t have the energy. Besides, whoever would dare to enter their room had to be someone Hero wouldn’t mind being in there. They were known for their viciously guarded need for privacy. It was known that thunder would rumble through Headquarters if an unwanted visitor entered Hero’s room without permission. 

“Other Hero?” They asked carefully, tensing as feather-light fingers traced their skin. They felt a tiny pressure on their scalp, and a tangle of hair curled around their neck. Other Hero must have taken out the braid. “Thank you,” Hero said softly, relaxing into their friend’s touch. The crimefighter was warm, so warm, threading through the knotted strands of Hero’s hair with gentle hands. Hero wanted to just bathe in the affection forever, but they knew they had to acknowledge the elephant in the room. “I’m so grateful that you were there today,” they began in a quiet voice. “You saw how close Villain was to taking off my mask, I…I can’t let them or anyone else know my identity. Superhero would be furious… I don’t know if I’d be fired, or if they’d help me, I’m sure people would come after me, I can’t-“

Their shaky rambling was cut off by Other Hero brushing Hero’s hair out of the way and pressing a kiss to their neck. They stilled, closing their eyes again and letting out a trembling breath. It felt so comforting, as if even though Other Hero hadn’t said anything, they were telling Hero it would all be okay. And that was what they needed most right now, really. It was nice that Other Hero seemed to know that.

“I know I’m spiraling. It’s just that—I’ve never been afraid of Villain before. I’ve been afraid of what they’ll do, I mean, you have a nemesis, you know what it’s like. But earlier… I was scared. I was terrified. And I can’t stop replaying that moment in my head up to the point where you stepped in—going over my mistakes again and again. You tell me not to dwell, and I know I should just do better next time, but what I was so afraid of was the possibility that there would never be a next time. I love this city so much, and if I couldn’t fight for it or protect it anymore, I’d go crazy.” Hero bit their lip, feeling like they’d said too much. “Does that… do you understand?” 

“Of course,” said a horribly familiar voice that did not belong to Other Hero. 

Hero whipped around, their hands coming up instinctively to cover their bare face. Before they could, the intruder caught both of their wrists, pinning them to either side of their head. Hero’s shock rendered them frozen in place, unable to move as every inch of their features was suddenly on display. Any sounds or words they could muster died in their throat the moment that eye contact locked. They felt more exposed than they ever had before, as if the whole city was outside looking in through their window.

Hero would have preferred to be struck by the lightning they had once called on so easily rather than lie there for one more second, but there was nothing they could do. Tears formed in the corner of their wide eyes as they stared up into the others’ gaze. One escaped, trailing down their cheek to the corner of their mouth. They could taste the salt, sharp and acrid like the feeling in their chest; inescapably strong, unrelentingly painful. 

“Don’t cry,” Villain said softly. “You’re beautiful.” 

part II

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom

(ask to be added/removed)

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #16

Villain glanced down at Hero’s blanketed, half-asleep form, head resting on their nemesis’ shoulder. The criminal’s expression was fond despite themself, almost longing. They reached up a hand, running their fingers through Hero’s hair. 

“I like you like this,” they said softly. “Quiet, for once.”

“Shut up,” the crimefighter muttered without malice. 

Villain smiled, tucking a stray piece of hair behind their lover’s ear. “Whatever you say.”

[assortedcriminality]

snippet #8 - Bad Blood

contains: drunkenness, blood

Hero’s apartment was small, but it was pretty nice for its size. Their agency salary wouldn’t cover much else, so while the criminals of the city got to build huge lairs and mansions, Hero had this place. They tried not to complain. Besides, there were better things to criticize the agency for. Namely, the armband that circled a wide band of skin a few inches below their shoulder. It restricted their powers so they were only able to use them when the agency said they could. So, only when Hero was in a fight or getting testing done in the lab. Everywhere else, they were as powerless as a regular civilian. Which wasn’t helpful when Villain broke in.

Hero had been recovering at home from an earlier fight with Supervillain. It hadn’t gone well. Their armband malfunctioned halfway through, making their powers glitch and falter. Supervillain, of course, took advantage of this, deciding it was the perfect time to try to recruit Hero. Again. When they refused, Supervillain threw them off of a building. The agency healer had exhausted themself mending Hero’s broken bones, and didn’t have enough energy to heal their other wounds. So the gash on their forearm and the long cut on their cheek were hastily cleaned and given bandages by civilian doctors. That night, they were sitting in a comfy chair, catching up on their favorite show and trying not to think about their pain. The episode had just reached its climax when an enormous crash sounded from the doorway. 

Hero leapt to their feet with a wince, attempting to summon their power before remembering that wasn’t possible. Instead, they looked around their living room for a weapon. A few scattered paperbacks, case files stacked neatly on the coffee table… aha! They grabbed the curtain bar they’d been meaning to install for the last couple of weeks from its place by the window and cautiously made their way over to the door. Except… there wasn’t a door. Hero blinked, lowering the bar. Wood splinters covered the floor. The blue paint on them was the only indication that they had once been part of Hero’s apartment door.

“What…?”

“Hero!” A voice cried from behind them. 

Hero stifled a scream, whirling around to see Villain standing there, dust and wood chips sprinkling their hair. Their fangs were out, which was strange. Usually they kept them in if they weren’t fighting. 

“Villain?” Hero demanded. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I,” they said, holding up a finger and stumbling forward. “wanted to see… you.” They poked the finger into Hero’s chest and giggled. “Cuz you know you’re my favorite hero.”

Hero dropped the curtain rod, staring at their nemesis in disbelief. “Are you drunk?”

“Nnooo,” They said defensively, crossing their arms clumsily. “Didn’t drink an’thing.”

Their enemy raised an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

“Not alcohol.” They grinned, swaying on their feet. “You’re pretty.”

Hero flushed, then quickly shook their head. “Have you…fed…recently?”

Villain picked up one of Hero’s hands. “Not so good. Want more.”

They snatched their hand away. “Absolutely not.”

“But you smell so yummy,” their nemesis complained. They reached out, running a finger down Hero’s throat. “Just a little bite…”

“No,” they said firmly, taking a deliberate step back. “But you did feed.”

Villain’s expression was a goofy sort of grumpy. “Was just a snack-“

“I don’t care about that. Was the person you bit drunk?”

They shrugged. Hero sighed. Well, if they hadn’t actively drank any alcohol, they must have fed from someone who had. Hero had heard of this—like being second-hand drunk. Who knew how long it would take for the effects to wear off. Villain had to be more careful. 

“Well, they had to have been. Mystery solved. Now go home.”

“Noooooo,” they whined. “I wanna stay with you.”

“You just broke down my door, I can’t exactly trust you to be here,” Hero pointed out. They were incredibly lucky that the few other tenants in the building lived far enough above them to not hear the crash, or Hero would have had to do some very quick thinking. It was unconventional enough that them and Villain, who were supposed to be sworn nemeses, were on speaking terms. That was something the Agency barely tolerated as it was. No way random civilians would understand Hero’s strange friendship with a destructive, drunk, unpredictable vampire. Thankfully, their landlord was out of town for the next week, which gave Hero enough time to buy a new door and force a sober Villain to pay for it. 

Their enemy pouted, picking a wood chip off of their shirt. “I said I’s sorry.”

“You didn’t, actually, but… thanks, I guess.” Hero rubbed their aching temple. Their unexpected visitor had only worsened their preexisting headache. “Still, you have to get out. I need to rest.”

Villain seemed to notice their bandages for the first time. “You’re hurt!” They exclaimed, their expression one of almost comical shock, stepping forward so their fingers grazed the bandage on Hero’s face.

“Congrats, that might’ve been your first coherent thought-OW!” They yelled, palm shooting up to cradle their suddenly unbandaged cheek. “What the hell?”

The vampire dropped the bloodied gauze on the floor, batting impatiently at Hero’s hand with an odd determination in their eyes. “‘M helping.”

“How?!” They demanded, spreading their arms, their shock distracting them from the pain. “Vil, that stung like hell!”

“Staaay… put.” Villain gracelessly grabbed the uninjured side of their face, staring intently at them. They didn’t give Hero the chance to ask what they were doing before pressing a huge, wet kiss to the wound. The crime-fighter froze in utter confusion. Villain backed away, a hesitant smile--dotted with a slight bit of blood--growing on their face. ��All better!”

Hero raised a quizzical eyebrow. Not like it was the strangest thing their nemesis had done, they supposed. “You’re, like, a really weird kind of drunk,” they said, pulling a handkerchief out of their pocket to wipe their face with. Except, instead of the white cloth coming away the reddish-brown color they expected, it was… clean? 

Villain’s smile widened into a ridiculous grin. “Toldjyouso.”

Suddenly, a picture from Hero’s Academy textbook came to mind. Their class had done a short unit on vampires, though there was little information available due to their rarity and discretion. Hero had learned much more about vampires from being around Villain than in school. But now they remembered one of the points in a short list of vampiric abilities, one they’d never seen Villain do in practice. Vampires could supposedly heal wounds, though the textbook writer hadn’t been sure how. 

“Vampires can heal with their saliva?” It was more of a statement than a question. 

Villain shook their head, causing Hero even more confusion until they spoke again. “Saliva’sssgross. I give kisses!”

“Of course you do,” Hero said with an eye roll. Villain reached out to grab their forearm, a move Hero easily dodged. “I’ll do this one.” They pulled at the edge of the medical tape keeping the gauze in place, wincing as it tugged at their tender skin. Villain watched with wide, slightly glazed eyes as Hero ripped the pieces off, exposing the blood-encrusted cut. 

“Bite me, and I’ll stake you with a piece of the door,” Hero threatened. 

Without any more hesitation, the vampire took hold of Hero’s wrist and gave the wound a few sloppy kisses. The crimefighter watched with grim fascination as their skin knitted itself back together within seconds, only leaving behind a few flecks of dried blood. Villain’s face lit up like an ecstatic puppy at the awe in Hero’s eyes.

“You’re welcome,” they stated with a hint of the self-satisfaction Hero had come to expect from their nemesis’ overly inflated ego. 

“Are you sobering up?” They asked. “I have no idea how a vampire’s metabolism works. Probably faster than a human’s, right? You’ve told me it’s hard to keep up with your hunger because your strength and speed use up so much energy.” 

They only blinked sleepily at this, which made Hero feel silly for ever taking them remotely seriously. They crossed their arms, suddenly feeling tired themself.  “Whatever. Alright, time to go home.” 

“Noooo,” Villain whined, “‘m too sleepy.”

“Well, it’s not like you can stay here. I can’t have a drunk vampire crashing in my newly doorless apartment.”

Before Hero could stop them, they stumbled forward further into the living room, collapsing onto the couch with a loud thump. “S’okay, ‘m not hungymjussst…” they trailed off as their face shifted into one of the cushions and obscured their mouth. 

Yes, Villain was beyond annoying and letting them do this was an extremely fireable offense. But they couldn’t help the affection that crept its way into their smile. Or the instinct that made them cover the dreaming vampire with a nearby blanket. “You’re welcome, Vil,” Hero muttered. “Oh, I’m never going to let you live this down.”

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan @watermelonrandom

(ask to be added/removed)

part II

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #15

“…I love you,” Hero whispered, stroking the side of Villain’s face with a gentle, calloused hand.

“Oh, come on,” Villain scoffed, seizing Hero’s wrist and thrusting a dagger through their midsection. They cried out in pain, a horrible sound filled with shock and misery, but Villain ignored them. “I’ve had enough of your little games, Hero. I’m sick of you lying and-“

“No, no, no, you don’t understand,” Hero wheezed, clutching Villain’s arm and gasping for breath. Tears leaked down their cheeks and blood dripped from their wound, the viscera of it somewhat pleasing to the villain. It felt good to see them finally in their place, conquered at last. 

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #14

“Who… who did this to you?”

“Who. Do. You. THINK?” Hero glowered at Villain with… with what looked like hatred. Pure, hardened hatred. “Who has me in a cell, cuffed and tied up like the prisoner I am? Who would want to hurt me? Who even could?” 

“Hero-“ Villain tried, but was immediately cut off by the prisoner’s furious expression.

“It was you. Your people. Your friends.”

Their captor flinched. “They’re not my-“

“I DON’T CARE!” They screamed, not seeming small at all anymore. And though their magic had been repressed, there was a flicker of something powerful in their eyes. They probably didn’t know it, but Hero was terrifying at that moment. “You might as well have given me these bruises yourself.”

“No,” Villain said, eyes widening. “No, Hero, I would never hurt you like that.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Hero’s voice was low and impossibly dark, filled with deadly poison. They turned their head away, shadows falling across their figure. “Haven’t you already?”

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #13

“You are mine,” Villain said firmly, passing a hand over their nemesis’ forehead.

“I…am…yours,” Hero repeated uncertainly, a rosy haze clouding their vision. 

“You are mine,” they said again, softer this time, though their expression was still as hard as steel.

“I-I am yours,” the captive stammered, a sort of misshapen smile forcing its way onto their face.

“You. Are. Mine,” Villain whispered, fierce and intense, leaning down towards Hero’s lips.

Hero’s smile became warm, so close to being real that hardly anyone would be able to tell the difference. Just a hint of the original color of their irises remained—the rest was the deep pink of their nemesis’ magic. 

“I’m yours,” the enchanted Hero breathed, and melted into their greatest enemy’s kiss. 

[assortedcriminality]

Hi hope you’re doing well darling, I was wondering if I could request a hero X villain with the dynamics of enemies with benefits with a lot of pining and slow burn kinda situation, ❤️‍🔥

Sorry this took so long anon—tysm for the request! The prompt might have gotten away from me a bit, but I hope you enjoy!

CW: Blood, cursing, suggestive themes

“FUCK!” Hero stumbled backward, clutching their shoulder. Blood spilled from the gash sliced across it, staining their once-pristine uniform crimson. “Shit, shit, what the fuck?”

Villain casually wiped Hero’s blood off their knife with the hem of their shirt before sliding it back into its sheath. Something dark hid behind their seemingly impassive guise. “Didn’t you want it to look real?”

Hero shot them a fiery glare. “So you thought I wanted this?” 

“So what did you want, then?” They asked, taking a step forward. Hero instinctively stepped back, tightening their grip on the wound. “If you didn’t want me to hurt you?”

“It’s not about hurting me,” Hero snapped. “It’s about-“

“You’re afraid.” Villain’s voice was cool, smoother than the edge of a blade. They continued to advance, forcing Hero to move away until their back hit the wall. 

They eyed Villain’s inscrutable expression. “Of what?” 

“Of what I do to you.” Hero barely fought back a flinch when the criminal raised a hand, but all they did was tuck a piece of hair behind Hero’s ear.

They scoffed. “You’re full of shit, you know that?” 

Villain traced the edge of their jaw with a light finger, swiping through the spray of blood decorating Hero’s face. “It’s not your fault. We can’t help our feelings, after all.” 

Hero ignored Villain’s touch, determined not to let it affect them. “I said to make it real because of this. It’s a distraction. We’re nemeses. We’re not supposed to…”

“Want this?”

“I never said I wanted this.”

“You didn’t have to, darling,” Villain said. “You could have stopped anytime you wanted.”

Hero looked away, biting the inside of their cheek. It was true. Villain hadn’t forced them to do anything. Everything they did, they did because they had both wanted to. It was that knowledge that was the most painful, burning like a white-hot fire inside of them whenever Villain crossed their mind. It should’ve been so easy to end it, to stop one day and never look back. Bury the feeling that rose in their stomach every time they locked eyes with the person who was supposed to be their sworn enemy. Instead, that feeling consumed their life, destroying any hope that they could walk away from Villain. 

“Hero, look at me.”

“No.”

Villain’s hand moved beneath their chin, turning Hero’s face upward. The nemeses were so close that their noses nearly touched. When the crime-fighter finally lifted their gaze to meet Villain’s, the intensity in their eyes was almost strong enough to break Hero’s nerve. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” They whispered. 

“Why can’t you admit you want this?” Villain hissed, fingers digging deeper into Hero’s skin. “You think I wouldn’t notice how flushed you get around me? I wouldn’t hear how much you want me when I-”

“Because I can’t do this, Villain!” Hero’s voice rose to a cry. “We won’t—it won’t work. It can’t. You were right, I want you to hurt me, because that’s all you’re supposed to do to me. We’re supposed to want to kill each other. I need you to make it look real. Make it real if you have to.” 

Villain was quiet for a moment. When they spoke again, their words were dangerously soft. “You’d rather I kill you than want to be with you?”

“Yes,” Hero said with vehement conviction. “If I could turn my feelings off, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I can’t want this, Vil. It’s better this way.”

“No. No, fuck that.” Anger cast a sharp shadow across Villain’s features. “I’m not going to kill you, Hero. I don’t care what we’re supposed to be to each other. I want this. I want you.”

Tears gathered in the crime-fighter’s eyes. “Villain…”

“Darling, please just-”

Hero let go of their injured shoulder, grasping Villain’s collar with a bloodstained hand and pulling them in. Their lips connected, and Hero closed their eyes, finally allowing themself to forget everything except Villain’s mouth on theirs. The pain in their shoulder faded into the background, along with the roughness of the bricks at their back and the blood that dripped down their wrist as their hold on Villain’s shirt tightened. Villain let out a sigh as the kiss deepened, sending electrifying chills down Hero’s spine. Their grip on Hero’s chin disappeared as their hands settled on either side of Hero’s face, bringing them even closer. Every emotion the nemeses had poured into the other through soft lips and deft tongues and hard teeth. Villain was the first to break away, mouth trailing down Hero’s neck to mark a fiery path to the hollow of their throat. 

“Villain?” Hero managed through heavy breathing. 

“Yes?”

“Fuck you.”

They could feel Villain’s smile against their skin. “If you say so, darling.”

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #12

“You’re lying,” Hero screamed, tears leaking down their face and dripping off of their chin. “You’re a liar and I HATE YOU!”

Villain took a step back, confusion and heartbreak etched into their features. “Hero, I don’t under-“

“Superhero told me everything,” they spat. “I know what you did. I know you’re responsible for Other Hero’s death. Stop lying.”

[assortedcriminality]

snippet #6

contains: blood, cursing

Hero lay on their back, breathing shallowly as blood leaked in a thin stream through their crimson-stained fingers, adding to a growing pool beneath them. If they had to rank every stab wound they’d received, this one would be at the very bottom. Their eyes were shut tight, the electric pain radiating from their stomach so great that they couldn’t sense when someone else entered the grimy alley.

A nudge to their side made Hero’s eyes fly open, immediately locking contact with the pitying gaze of the perpetrator. “God, you look awful,” Villain said. The sharp sting that the nudge sparked through their body had Hero let out a low groan, but they couldn’t attempt to move. “Oh, come on. Aren’t you going to get up and hit me?”

“The knife was poisoned, you asshole,” Hero managed to rasp through gritted teeth. “I can’t feel my legs.”

Their nemesis crossed their arms. “Hmph. How unsportsmanlike. Who did that, then?”

“Your friend, Other Villain. They said they had information about Supervillain.” The idea seemed so stupid now, the trap obvious. This was what Hero got for choosing to trust a criminal. Though they couldn’t say they had learned anything, as the devious mastermind that stood above them was probably the person they trusted most in the city. 

“First of all, they are absolutely not my friend,” Villain objected. “They’re a conniving, backstabbing bastard. You should’ve called me.”

“A bit late for that, don't you think?” Hero’s voice came out higher, more strained with each word.

The criminal leaned over, studying them with a quick, sweeping look. “Can you walk yet?”

“Do you think I’m lying here for fun?” They snapped. “No, I can’t walk!”

Villain tapped a finger to their chin in mock deliberation. “What a predicament we find ourselves in, my dear Hero. I suppose there is no other recourse but for me to carry you.” 

“No—Villain, wait, Villain-” This time, when Villain reached their hands behind Hero’s back and knees, the touch didn’t immediately spark pain. It wasn’t until they swiftly lifted the crimefighter into their arms that agony seared like a white-hot brand in Hero’s side. They cried out, choking on a scream that became a hoarse cough. The feeling overloaded their senses, turning their nerves into nothing but conduits for pain as Hero sank into their nemesis’ strong grasp, head falling onto Villain’s chest. 

“Hero. Hero, look at me. Look at me.” The sudden intensity of their voice sharpened Hero’s focus, if only a little, and allowed their unfocused gaze to meet Villain’s again. “Jesus, you look like shit.” But an edge of fear was creeping into their tone, something that would have alarmed Hero even further had they been closer to coherence.  

Hero was no longer capable of opening their mouth, let alone providing a vocal response. Villain seemed to understand them anyway. “Stay with me, Hero,” they murmured, and both nemeses braced as best they could as Villain turned around and hurried out of the alley. 

word count: 501

@sausages-things

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #11

“There.” Hero snapped the second power-dampening cuff onto Villain’s wrist. “Nice and tight.”

“I’ve always been told I look good in silver,” Villain said, nonchalant even as they lay half-collapsed against the wall. 

“And I bet you’ll look even better behind bars.” Hero dragged them to their feet by the loop between the cuffs and tugged at it so Villain would follow as they started forward. “Let’s get on that, shall we?”

When they didn’t move, the crimefighter turned back. “What part of-“ at the sight of Villain’s expression, their voice faltered. A grin spread across the criminal’s face, accompanied by a familiar glint in their eye that Hero knew meant trouble. Despite the bruises littering Villain’s body and the knowledge that the cuffs would prevent them from using their power, Hero felt a flicker of dread in their stomach. 

“Come on, Hero. Did you really think I’d make it that easy?” 

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #10

“It’s you,” the city’s greatest criminal said simply, quietly. “It’s always been you.”

Hero blinked in confusion as their nemesis approached them. Their hands were stretched half-heartedly in front of them, lips slightly parted. “Villain, I don’t under-“

Villain pulled them in by the waist, other hand snaking into their hair and tilting their head back slightly. Hero’s breathing stuttered as their enemy surveyed their face, expression indecipherable. 

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it?” They murmured. “You don’t understand. What can I do to make you understand?”

“Whatever you’re planning-“ Hero began uncertainly, but was cut off by a laugh.

“Planning. I knew you wouldn’t get it. Though I suppose I haven’t done much to help you see…”

“Help me see what?” The words were frustrated, uncomprehending. Being in the villain’s arms was strange and unfamiliar, evoking an emotion that Hero couldn’t quite place. But no matter how weirdly intimate the criminal was being, they wouldn’t let themself be manipulated. “Please, just-“

Villain kissed them. 

[assortedcriminality]

Thursday - part III

part I part II

Tuesday

It took Civilian a few moments to adjust to their surroundings when they woke up on the couch the following day. They tossed a blanket they didn’t remember putting on to the side, yawning. Sunlight shone through the closed blinds. It seemed to be mid-morning already. They stood, smoothing their rumpled clothes, before starting down the hall to their room. Halfway there, they heard a muffled voice coming from the kitchen. As Civilian approached, they could only make out a few words, most of them curses. Slowly, they peeked inside the room, one hand resting on the doorframe. 

At the table, Villain was leaning over an enormous binder, flipping back and forth through the pages. Each time they turned one, they muttered something colorful under their breath. A mug and an empty coffee pot sat precariously on the edge of the table, liable to fall with one shift of the binder. After a few seconds, Villain’s head lifted suddenly, as if they had just sensed Civilian’s presence. The circles underneath their eyes were dark, the kind Civilian would have to cover up after a long night of doing Hero’s paperwork. It was still odd to see them in normal clothes, as they had been on Sunday. No costume, no mask. Just a regular person anyone could brush past on the street a million times and never take note of. Well. Maybe Civilian would. “Good morning,” Villain said, returning their attention to the binder after a moment’s pause. “I have… something to talk to you about, once you’re ready.”

Civilian stifled a yawn. “Okay.” They supposed a conversation was inevitable, however uncomfortable both of them were around the subject of Civilian’s captivity. With a last flick of their eyes to Villain’s hunched form, they started down the hall again to their room.

A few minutes later, they returned to the kitchen with damp hair and a new outfit just as neutral as the previous one. Villain had brewed a new pot of coffee for them. The bitter scent filled the air, reminding Civilian of countless early mornings at the office. They poured themself a mug and sat in the other chair, looking at their captor from across the tiny table. 

Villain was the first to break the silence. “I don’t have any creamer or sugar,” they said apologetically. “You can probably tell I don’t spend that much time grocery shopping.”

“Seems like you do spend plenty eating yogurt, though.” Civilian recalled all of the containers they’d seen in the fridge. 

Villain’s laugh caught them both off guard, somehow sharp and warm at the same time.. “You noticed?”

The corners of Civilian’s mouth turned upward. “Hard not to.” They took a sip of their coffee and gestured to the binder. “What’s this?”

Villain leaned back on their chair, huffing a sigh. “These are all the files I have on Hero—their powers, their associates, their deals, everything. I’ve been compiling it since they became my nemesis.”

“Am I in there?”

They flipped to a page near the very back of the binder. There were only a few lines written and no picture. “It was a lot harder to find anything out about you. I don’t know why, but Hero updated security after firing their last assistant. That’s why I didn’t recognize you when you showed up. Usually, I would have. I should’ve dug deeper—it’s dangerous for Hero to have a card up their sleeve like that.”

Civilian’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “I can’t believe you said all that so nonchalantly. You’re such a stalker.”

“I am not!” Villain bristled at the assessment. Civilian’s brows rose higher. “Well, I am,” they admitted, fidgeting with the hem of their jacket. “But that’s my job. It's yours, too, though, you knew what you were signing up for.”

“In my defense, I never imagined this,” Civilian pointed out. 

“Fair.” Villain was quiet for a moment. “I figured I owe you an explanation. This all must be… confusing.” That was an enormous understatement, but Civilian nodded. “Hero is a manipulator. They puppeteer this entire city according to their whims. I never know what their next step is. Since they chose me as their nemesis, I’ve tried to get closer, learn more about their plans.”

“Hence, the binder,” Civilian said, gesturing to the monstrosity in front of them.

They gave a rueful smile. “Yes. Anyway, I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I haven’t fought Hero in weeks.”

Civilian blinked. It seemed like the two were always fighting, every instance just blended into each other. “Really?” 

“Usually they’ll contact me at least once a week. Sometimes it's taunts or a tip, sometimes it's to tell me to meet them. Often they stop by while I’m working, to fight or just to see what I’m doing. They like to keep tabs on people.”

“Reminds me of someone else I know.”

“Well, you know what they’re like, don’t you?”

Civilian shrugged. “Kind of. They tend to keep their distance from me. They’re almost never in the office. I go in in the morning and find a new stack of paperwork and a bunch of reports to fill out. When they’re there, they just ask me to make them coffee or order food.”

“I guess I’m not surprised,” Villain mused. “But the point is, I wanted to know what they were up to. I told Other Villain and some others I know Hero talks to that I had big plans for Thursday. Nothing specific, something about Town Hall and a few innocent lives in danger.” 

“You baited them,” Civilian said slowly, “and they sent me to call your bluff.”

“Hero doesn’t like to be toyed with. I should’ve known better. But before they stopped fighting me, I felt like I was close to uncovering something.”

“A conspiracy?”

“How Hero can pull so many strings, keep everything running the way they want.”

“Maybe they’re scared you’ll uncover whatever it is they’re hiding.”

Villain scoffed, running a hand through their hair—a gesture so human it took Civilian by surprise. “Hero isn’t scared of anything. Least of all me.” 

Civilian shook their head, “I can’t believe you’re what’s under the mask.”

The criminal stared at them with a confused half-smile. “What do you mean?”

“You’re so… normal. When Hero told me to deliver that letter, I was terrified. I’d always thought that anything I did for them was for the good of the city, so I went through with it. But you’re not scary at all.”

There it was again: that laugh Civilian didn’t know what to make of. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t repeat that to anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” 

“So why did you do any of this in the first place? Why did you become Villain?”

In answer, Villain raised their hand in the air. The binder moved along with it, as if it was being pulled up by an invisible string. With a slight shift of their finger, the binder flew to the other side of the room, landing with a small thump on the counter. “I can move things with my mind. You have to do something with that kind of power. Why not crime?” They gave a dumbfounded Civilian a self-satisfied grin, but it quickly faded. They leaned forward, eyes overtaken by an oddly intense look. “I work very hard to keep the mask up. It's the only way I can keep any semblance of sanity in a life like this. I don’t have any family or friends because it's too dangerous for anyone to know me. I save the real version of myself in this house so I don’t lose my mind. I like books and detective movies. I like yogurt. That’s the real me, and only Hero knows that.”

Civilian rocked their nearly-empty mug from side to side. “And now me.”

Villain raised and lowered one shoulder. “You’re like an extension of Hero. You don’t count.” 

“Excuse me?!” 

“I-that’s not-I didn’t-“ Villain sputtered, eyes widening. “That’s not what I meant! I didn’t try to hide any of this because Hero knows anyway, and you’re their assistant, so there’s no point! You’re not-I mean, you’re nothing like them-“

Civilian’s peal of laughter interrupted them, lasting long enough for a Villain to hesitantly join in. “You’re weird, you know that?”

“Actually, I’ve just had it on good authority that I’m shockingly normal and well-adjusted,” they replied primly. 

“I didn’t say that.” 

“Can’t I have this one thing?”

 Civilian threw up their hands. “I’m a prisoner in this house! Let me have my fun, you scoundrel.”

“Scoundrel?!” Villain put a hand over their heart, feigning betrayal. “Do you really think of me like that?”

“Give me a few seconds and I can come up with something much worse.” 

“I think I liked it better when you were paralyzingly afraid of me.”

“You mean when you choked me half to death?”

Villain winced. “I did apologize for that.”

“Not nearly enough!”

“I’m sorry! I thought my whole life had been compromised!”

“It’s not like anyone would believe me anyway if I told them you secretly loved yogurt!”

The two looked at each other, little smiles playing on their faces. Civilian wondered how long it had been since Villain had talked to someone openly like that. Probably not since they donned their criminal persona and become subject to Hero and their whims. They may have been able to salvage a life for themself, but it wasn’t much of one. 

After a while, Villain stood up abruptly, pushing in their chair with a scrape. “I should take care of a few errands. I can pick up a few things from your apartment, too, if you want.”

“Sure, some toiletries and clothes would be nice. Maybe a few books.” Anything to stave off the boredom.

“Okay.” Villain moved to leave the room.

“Wait, don’t you need to know the address?”

The criminal half-turned to face Civilian, their guilt apparent. “…uh. Yes?”

“I thought you didn’t have much on me!”

“Well, I didn’t know what you looked like, but an address is easy enough to find. You can read through the files if you’d like, by the way. Not exactly a fun read, but there’s some good information in there.”

Civilian shook their head in mock disgust. “Stalker! Scoundrel!”

“All right, I get it, I’m leaving!” Villain offered them a final smile before disappearing out of the doorway. 

Civilian sat at the kitchen table for a little longer, eventually getting up to pour out the cold dregs from their coffee mug. They spent most of the rest of the day reading through Villain’s files, which were so dense they found themself nearly falling asleep on the binder multiple times. Most of it was about Hero and their plots over the years—or at least the few details Villain had managed to discover about them. There were hundreds of question marks and crossed-out statements, along with blurry pictures and names that Villain had marked as ‘definite aliases.’ Every page made Hero look worse and worse, uncovering their criminal associates and what they’d threatened people with to get them to assist in their schemes. But none of those schemes seemed to have a clear point or end goal aside from keeping as many people as possible under Hero’s thumb. Civilian marked the pages that seemed to have the most significant information with some sticky notes they’d found to talk about with Villain later. 

When Villain got home later that night, they dropped off Civilian’s things from their apartment outside the spare room door. They found Civilian watching another old movie on the couch. They weren’t asleep yet, but their eyes kept closing for longer and longer periods. Villain sat a foot or so away from them. It was strange how much their eyes were drawn to Civilian rather than the movie. It certainly wouldn’t help them get past the stalker accusation, but… they couldn’t help it. 

Before Civilian could fully drift off, Villain turned off the TV. “There’s no way you’re going to make it through the rest of that.”

“Try-“ Civilian’s own yawn cut them off. “Try me.” 

“Come on, it's late.”

“And what exactly do I have to do tomorrow besides sit here like a damsel in distress?”

Villain arched an eyebrow.  “Are you in distress?”

“A horrible evildoer turned off my sole source of entertainment for the night, so, yes,” Civilian said sleepily, burrowing deeper under their blanket. 

They snorted. “Hardly. Now, are you getting up or not?”

“You could carry me to bed with your mind.”

“No chance.”

“Worth a shot.” Civilian stretched, yawning again before tearing off the blanket and getting to their feet. “Good night, scoundrel.”

Villain rolled their eyes. “Good night, Civilian. Sleep well.”

“How am I supposed to do that in the home of such an incorrigible fiend?” Civilian wondered while they made their way out of the living room. 

“I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out,” the criminal called after them, unable to stop the smile tugging at their mouth.

That night, just as predicted, Civilian fell asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow. Villain lay awake, staring at the ceiling, the image of a face lingering in their mind’s eye, wondering how they were going to make it past Thursday.

word count: 2219

@sausages-things @chaotic-orphan  @and-we-shake-the-iron-hand

[assortedcriminality]

prompt #9

“The big hero, so small now, so helpless,” the villain tutted mockingly. They knelt down and turned the collapsed hero’s chin up to look them in the eyes. The hero let out a choked sob, tears trailing down their ash-strewn face. “What are you going to do, little hero?” The villain teased. “Now that I’ve won? Now that all your poor friends are dead? What’s next on your pathetic agenda, hmm?”

“N-now…” they managed to gasp, a fit of coughing cutting off their words.

The villain tightened their grip, leaning closer and smiling a grin of pure evil. “Yes, my dear hero?”

“Now,” the hero said in a quiet rasp, “I’m going to fucking kill you.”