#and feel so trapped in it
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no offence but why are all the solutions to issues caused by trauma therapy. what if i Cant do that right but still want to not be like this.
#like why is this website like 'analyze what u think the cause of this issue is if u think its a childhood trauma get therapy for ur trauma#if not then do xyz thing thats much easier than having access to therapy'#like is there an xyz for when the root is trauma. please plese please. at least tell me im allowed to talk to ppl abt it#idk if its smart for me to do that or not#im actually getting kind of like. rly upset suddenly like idk#like i feel like the step one i keep being presented in healing and getting better with issues caused by trauma is.#not being in the situation that caused the trauma. but it feels so impossible for me to ever get out#and im just trying to do what i can to like. heal or deal with it as much as i can but ik thats not much when im still in tht situation#and feel so trapped in it#like just. ugh such a selfish thing to say abt an issue tht affects so many others sm worse than me#but like. couldnt late stage capitalism and the recession its brings with it not have happened like. 20 yrs from now#so i didnt have to deal with the fact that getting out of my traumatic situation is impossible alongside the traumatic situation#just idk. it all sucks sm and i just wanna get out of it. can we please find a way to make tumblr accts private so#i can fianlly start a facking yt without weirdos deciding the interactions w freinds and vent posts i use this acct for#are their entertainment bc ithink having a 'job' saying my silly little thoguhts abt media online is my only hope love and light#flappy rambles
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feeling displaced
[image id: digital illustration of john egbert from homestuck. he is standing partially behind a floating panel with large yellow and blue clouds and a bright sun with the words "Thanks for Playing" floating in the sky being slightly cut off. john's windsock hood is seen trailing off in the white background behind him and draped partially over the panel next to him. he has no expression as he stares at the camera. end image id.]
#hs#homestuck#john egbert#described art#my art#losing touch with the narrative literally and feeling like you're trapped outside with no way in#even though you're supposed to be the “main character”#thinking about john's struggle with that forever#did something similar to this long time ago so shout out to the real ones who remember that
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I think an underrated angle on 2x05 is something that either Jacob or Assad said in some interview somewhere, which is that in that episode Louis is addicted to heroin. Thats why he has that whole stash of drugs that he gives to Daniel, that's why he gives Daniel the drugs even though he's already got him alone. He didn't just use those 128 boys for sex he was using them to get high. Bring them home, get them to shoot up, and then drain them to get that secondhand high.
It clarifies something that's always confused me about that scene, which is why Armand saves Daniel the first time. He wouldn't save Daniel as a person, he clearly knows Daniel needs to die, but he's not seeing Daniel as a person there. Daniel is just a substance. He rips him away from Louis to stop him from using.
And i think that adds a whole other layer to the fight he and Armand have to think that this is Louis on a bender, with Armand cleaning up after him because he's not stable enough to. Louis in the bed for a week isn't just healing from the burns, he's going through withdrawal. Him at the table with Daniel giving him the "bright young reporter" speech is probably the first time he's been sober in months.
It adds another layer to Armand's desperation, that Louis has been running from both Armand and himself in this way, and of course Armand wants to erase that memory. Of course he wants to pretend that that fight never happened. Not just to protect himself but in a way to protect Louis from having said those things. When he describes the fight to Louis afterwards, he says "you said the worst things you've ever said to me." And he doesn't really know how to forgive Louis for that so he just wants to bury this rock-bottom moment and move on like it never happened. After all, Louis was high, he didn't really mean it, but if he remembers then maybe he might think that he had a point. Better to wipe the whole experience away.
#imagine youre in an eternal spite marriage with your ex who you're in love with because he's in love with your other ex#who youre also in love with#and your spitehusband who hates you turns to drugs to cope with the traumatic death of his daughter (which you caused but who's counting)#and you just follow him around cleaning up his messes and propping him up and keeping him alive#because despite everything you do love him#and you find him mid bender and he's told his life story to a reporter and he didn't even mention you#and you're just trying to protect him from himself so he doesn't pass out in a pool of blood on the floor#and he tells you that you're a burden#that youre the thing thats killing him#that 10 hours with a stranger made him feel more alive than your whole relationship#and he says that youre BORING#that all your trauma and grief and fear made you UNINTERESTING#yeah id do some saw trap shit too#blorboposting#benni proof#interview with the vampire#loumand#iwtv
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“i love being aromantic” i say as i feel my chest cavity rotting from the inside at the unquenchable desire for love in a way that is truly a secret third thing but its not a secret i want to keep it is a secret nobody is willing to listen to and im trapped in a state of isolation of my own making because no matter how much love i have to give it will never be enough. it will never be enough. it will never be enough.
#space.txt#aromantic#its like something gnawing on my bones!!!#i am who i am but who i am is somebody nobody else wants#and do i want to be wanted?#im trapped in a world that will never give me the dignity to be truly happy by myself#financially and culturally! im doomed by the narrative#i look forward and there will be friendships but they will never be enough i feel like a fucking ALIEN#i need to meet another aroace person irl so bad its so fucking lonely how do people deal with this#1k#all the notes on this.. WE WIL BE OKAY!!!#2k
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Dustin posts a Tiktok where it’s very clear that he was going to say something important but was instantly distracted by the snippet of conversation walking (unannounced) through his front door.
Eddie: …like when you’re a kid and you didn’t understand the concept of death so you kept putting bugs in your pockets and killing them on accident.
Steve: That’s not a universal experience, Eddie.
Eddie: Yes, it is. Everybody did that. You did that when you were a kid.
Steve: You think I was putting bugs in my clothes???
Eddie: Yes??? Just like everybody else. Back me up, Henderson
Dustin: I created habitats for bugs and kept them in my room.
Steve: That’s why your cat got eaten.
#Their FBI agent: Not Dustin too#Steve was not putting bug in his pockets when he was a kid#He was picking worms off the sidewalk and putting them in the grass#…right before the lawn maintenance guy mows over top of it#Steve proceeded to cry so hard he threw up#Eddie put bugs in his pockets in his mouth in a jar that he kept in his window until he thought about how the bug must feel trapped#unable to be in the dirt (Eddie’s favorite place) and then he cried#eddie munson tiktok saga#steve harrington#eddie munson#dustin henderson
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idk if this has already been said but you would still have to care about the south even if it didn’t have a large poc or queer population. you still have to care about straight and cis and white and able bodied people in the south. “i am only granting personhood to those who’s suffering i can benefit from addressing in a public manner” is the equal and opposite belief to “i am only granting personhood to those i deem worthy based on their similarity to me”
#i just always feel so gross when someone is like ‘um actually theres a lot of poor poc in the south so you shouldn’t make fun of them’#because it communicates that your compassion is conditional#in this particular case it means you can pat urself on the back for being a savior to those Poor Miserable Black People Trapped In The South#its so fucking insincere and insulting#and also indicates a very troubling mentality that compassion and respect must be earned via suffering#not a fan of that shit!
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I *need* to get pregnant by him.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Ah yes. The classic MXTX 'trapped in close quarters' scene.#Two guys 1 cm apart. Trying so hard to make this as gay as possible while still saying no homo.#The sheer baby fever in this episode was bonkers. The teasing in this scene is probably the most you can physically feel LWJ shaking#WWX is right that it is very funny to watch LWJ fluster. Alas he is just digging his grave.#All this flirting is also so...so much funnier after the Lan Xichen talk. He *just* told WWX to look after LWJ's gentle heart#And now he's trying to give him repeated heart attacks.#We needed a funny goofs episode after all the emotions these comics have been going through.#Remember that 1 reblog = one prayer for LWJ. Send him strength.
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getting served with divorce papers mid-saw trap and there’s an awkward pause before the trap turns off and jigsaw comes back over the intercom to ask if you want a beer
#shitty saw traps#saw franchise#mod amanda#to keep up with the theme of being served in a saw trap#(related to my job so it’s been on the mind)#anyway I feel like John would be pretty understanding because he’s divorced too#like he’ll probably trap you again the next day but for now you guys can get drunk and process shit together
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if you are an artist just trying out commissions for the first time as holidays come up, my advice to you to avoid burnout is have a clear ToS that states what you do and do not want to do.
not what you can and cannot do, but what you do and do not want to do. don't try to be the cheesecake factory of commission artists and take every single commission even if it doesn't suit your style or preferred subject matter. don't write a little disclaimer about how you aren't very good at backgrounds or vehicles but will do your best; that's how you get a client that for some reason wants a full brooklyn cityscape from you and suddenly you have spent five months stressed out and guiltily avoidant of other projects. just say you aren't offering backgrounds.
if you're not interested or confident in concept and design, be clear in your ToS that you need specific references for things like clothes and features. coming up with design ideas is a completely separate skill from rendering them; figure out with what you are comfortable before accepting the task. a lot of clients themselves don't understand that saying "do whatever" is basically tasking you to design for them, something for which you are well within your rights to charge accordingly.
pick your niche and hone it, and stretch your comfort zone with private work. you'll figure out as you go just how far your comfort zone stretches and can update what you offer accordingly.
#these on top of taking comms at a reeeeally bad point mentally#are mistakes i made#and mistakes everyone i know has made#i still feel Not Great about my last time opening and ultimately refunding a couple people#because i was trapped in the porta potty of my own brain#idk if i will ever open formally again it left me feeling so bad#but you!!!#you will not make this mistake
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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Originally I was gonna draw her in my favorite outfits she's worn, but with barely any digging I realized she consistently has the best looks- as well as the most- and it will take way too long to pick through them. So I just drew her.
#fanart#drawing#one piece#cat burglar nami#nami#i've fallen into a trap#where whenever i draw nami#i just draw my first current thought for “cute girl”#is it an issue of having limited variety in my anime drawings?#perhaps#could i stylize her a bit more?#i may#but i fear that Nami has actually become my standard for a cute girl#and has become a fundamental issue#anyway#i really like how salty she is#she hates fucking everything and I feel like nobody talks about that#she just wants everyone she doesn't like to die#and she doesn't like sports#probably#i hope so#i don't like sports either
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Today's crab is: weird little thing
#daily-crabbys#crab#sand crab#sand flea#mole crab#i love these funky things#they feel so weird wehn you pick em up#i used to trap them in buckets and watch them burrow in the sand for fun LMAO
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Seeing so many older butches at Pride today was so important to me. Butches who were there during multiple queer rights movements here in Canada. Butches who are now grey, but still laughing, holding their chins up high, puffing their chests as they make space for the other women around them. Butches who protected their community long before I even had an idea what gender even was. Butches that saw me come up to their little tent, and smiled at me. Joked with me. Looked me up and down and nodded in approval. That moment was so important in a way I don't fully have words to express. I hope I can be like them when I grow up.
#maybe ill get a motorbike#maybe not those things are death traps#but also those dykes on bikes butches made me feel so seen#bite me#butch#lesbian#butch appreciation#pride#butch lesbian#trans butch
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smitten 🦋
#illustration#aesthetic#butterflies#fantasy#flowers#maximalist#romance#sapphic#purple#pink#magic#digital art#art ph#art fart#prinsomnia#portfolio#this piece was a bit of a “one for them one for me” sorta thing#i've been so busy with my day job and just clearing out my backlogs and it was so hard for me to realize day by day how little i do for mys#myself anymore.#more and more i feel trapped in a really fucked up world. but nothing that a nap can't fix!!#i hope life has been kind to you. and i hope you have been kind to you. <3
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Turtle Takedown Teamwork.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#Something about changing the action sequence to something gentle is hilarious to me.#The lesson here is “Be nice to turtles. They are gentle creatures. And many are very endangered.”#don't get me wrong here; I love this scene a lot. LWJ's string technique is one of my favoyrite things.#We do get a fair amount of LWJ fighting but I always loved how the theme of strings comes into play.#There is actually a lot to unpack with LWJ being associate with 'strings'.#The musicianship: Of dedication and rigor in one's practice.#The tension between following along a path or composing your own way forwards (playing what has been written vs composing)#A string is a tightly coiled/taunt entity; The same tension that makes it sing so beautifully can be it's downfall if pushed too hard.#And as a non-musical string - something that binds. Be it to his sect and family or how he binds his fate to WWX -#LWJ cannot exist without his binds. It is not something which ties him down though. It keeps him together.#And he himself *is* a bind. He 'ties wwx down' in ways that are initially negatively viewed ('come to gusu' - feels like: come be trapped)#But later it is shown how (despite being introduced as a free spirit) WWX truly wants to be bound to something and someone.#Marriage is a bind he wants. He wants to be tied and grounded by LWJ.#It's starting to sound like innuendo. Let's call his fondness for being literally tied up smart thematic writing.#Finally. Sex scenes that are important to the plot and characters
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Collection of art from last month✌🏽DM’d our every-other-year campaign
#art#2024#Dizzy#Ty#Rosette#Seven#Bear#dizzy was divorced in this au so his dev path led to me air pumping them a lie#little. I don’t feel like rewriting that tag#Yes this is a DR au yes Bear (pink guy) died first#Bear trap. if you care
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