#so i didnt have to deal with the fact that getting out of my traumatic situation is impossible alongside the traumatic situation

[rafecameronsgun]

☯︎ THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE RAFE CAMERON’S PSYCHO GF ☯︎

✫ wears leather jacket

✫ lips are always red

✫ LOTT of tattoes and piercings on your nipple,clit…

✫ wide eyeliner

✫ has teeth gem

✫ dark hair

✫ very freaaky

->

“i wanna touch you”he pants as he flexes his thighs beneath your ankles struggling to not buck his hips upwards.

->

“…and then she bit on my balls and i…”kelce continuing his story telling while you are sitting on rafes lap,your long nails playing with the back of his head while you are listening. and thats when you catch a blonde blue eyed girl who is giggling to her friends while looking at YOUR man across the room,whispering to them something which they are agree to.

->

you stand up and go ahead to the girl’s,cigarette you smoked is between your fingers,still burning.“he is hot,isnt he?”you ask,stopping right in front of her face,smoking your cigarette and blowing it all onto her face. rafe is watching this scene with poker face because he knows he cant tell you to “stop,its okay” or”ur crazy,leave her alone” or anything like that because he knows u wouldnt care,so he just watches you. the girl stands in shock,her expressions frozen before you dig the burning cigarette into her forearm,making her shout in pain.

-> rafe is obsessed with your teeth gems,when you smile and it reflects he feels like he cant fall in love with you more.and when he sees it while you cum with mouth wide open,he cant help but moan out at the sight of it.

-> you like to play with him. always playin with him,making him crazy over you. you would flirt with him in public like extremely being flirty and when he wants to take you to the bathroom u refuse”just jerk it out if you need it so bad,its your fault you take jokes so seriously”

->you checked his phone last week and you saw a message from a girl. you didnt know who she is or what seh wants because the text was just “hey” so you checked her profile,stalked her a bit and then you recognized who she is. she is a kook, a kook you have been friends with till 8th grade. as weeks went by you met her a lot “accidentally”. like whenever you went out with rafe,she was “accidentally” always near. you suspected her,and when you found out you were right,you kidnapped her and buried her under the ground alive with her limbs chopped. and when rafe saw the news in the tv about her disappearing you were like”oh shit poor girl!!��sarcastically,which made rafe shake his head,he knows that whatever happened to her its probably connected to you.

->making deals for fun.like “whoever cums first gets the last line of the coke”

->you always cares shis body,always touching him. you have long nails,not too long but long enough to make rafe beg you to scratch his back with them.

✯ when it comes to date night ✯

->you sign up for illegal motorcycle/car races that takes place near the harbour. smoking weed,being drunk before racing. its dangerous and the fact that you two could die together makes it even more exciting.

->you smoke weed while going around the graves and making scenarios about how each people died.and then it ends up fucking in the grass.

you do anything that connects with sex and danger.

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

->sharing a cigarette after a slow sex session at 3am and talking about life,how your family traumatized you then comforting each other with a longgg makeout session.

->watching horror movies

->when rafe sees someone staring at you for too long he slips his hand under your mini skirt,hoping everyone is watching you. he slids his middle finger under thong,touching your pussy which makes you moan out. he smirks,looking straight into the guy’s eye.

->making him listen to rock/metal songs. he is like “turn this shit off,my head hurts from it”and the next time you check his phone you find the songs in his playlist. you giggle but dont say a word about it.

@ci4ras @rafescurtainbangz @sadfury

[pumpkinsy0]

Okay my friend has a new obsession with amnesia aus and i think youre the only person who could do this wattpad idea justice so hcs for sodapop (his fav character) getting amnesia?

whyd u sneak diss me like that omg????💔💔💔💔😔😔 /lh

as a disclaimer obviousllyyyyy im not a professional so if i mess up a bit on something just know, hey, i tried, dont kill me💔💔and tell me what i did wrong!! correct me!!!!

OK NOW theres different types of amnesia so for everyones sake, for the need to b different and have a lil fun w this, the ones ill make hcs for is dissociative and post traumatic cause i feel like those r most likely w this guy

dissociative amnesia

•theres different types of dissociative amnesia as well HOWEVER the one i could see soda having is selective, meaning its a loss of SPECIFIC memories related to a particular event/aspect of an event, and u already knowwwww this is the case w the curtis parents’ death, it was just a lot for soda and so he just, forgot it

•selective amnesia can go on from a couple minutes to YEARS, but in sodas case, it was only for a couple days after the fact, maybe almost a week???? it lasted, id say around a week

•the gang kinda knew something was up w soda, cause every morning he would get up all happy and cheerful. the gang thought “hey maybe hes just trying to lift our spirits”, but something would b brought up about their parents and they would have to break it to soda again and again that his parents r dead, theyre not off shopping or going to work early, they died, man. did the gang know it was AMNESIA??? no, nooo they did not, just “simple traumatized forgetfulness” i dont think they know about this type of amnesia😭

•sodas slightly suicidal im ngl to u. its not like he has a plan for it, never got that deep into it, its more of a passing thought “i wish i was with them” type deal. he usually doesnt think like that anymore bc he knows how badly his family needs him but when ponys asleep, it turns into a “what if i did” idea

•idk how to exactly explain this bit but id say the part of what caused such stress for soda that his mind just tried blocking out the whole event was like HOW his parents died. the fact that they died was aready a lot, dont get me wrong, but finding out they were practically mangled by an oncoming train??? yea that’ll do it😭😭he really thought about how messed up theyd b once and that broke him

•he doesnt remember the specific day of finding out his parents died, and everything else around that just feels foggy, he was in a dreamy state for longer than he had the amnesia

post traumatic

•ALRIGHT SO MOST WELL KNOWN TYPE OF AMNESIA!!! how soda got this one??? could b he got hurt at the dx but also getting a head injury during a rumble or while playing football w the gang is COMPLETELY plausible, pick ur posion

•at first everyone thought “ok well maybe he just hit his head n thats it, just give him ice, hes bounced back from worse” but noticed something was wrong cause he kept asking the same questions, and couldnt answer basic questions about himself when asked

•this would b like the first time they see soda being wholeheartedly annoyed and sick of everyone, the gang would b on him all the time making sure hes safe and i dont think in his current state he would 100% get that. to him theyre just being nosey or dont trust him, so he wants them to back off and have SOME semblance of independence for himself

to give him his space, they could leave lil post it notes for him to follow, everyone can see it so soda doesnt feel as “targeted” or in the spotlight

•hes having a ton of problems trying to fall asleep so thank god he already shares a bedroom w pony, maybe they just stay up together and talk till they both fall asleep. soda also has a tendency to wander so pony helped him yknow, not hurt himself while doing that. really his job was to make sure soda didnt do it at ALL, but pony didnt wanna push soda to do anything he didnt wanna do, if he wanted to wander who is pony to limit him

•having pta can cause ppl to act inappropriately in public/not able to recognize social cues and if theres one thing about soda, he has a VERY specific persona he wants to put on in public, im not saying this bc the gang would b embarrassed of soda, but bc they know soda would just not like to act like this in public, so mainly, hes kept inside till hes at least somewhat better, for HIS sake. at most they let him b outside w the gate closed or somethin so he doesnt run off, BUT this doesnt mean he doesnt act impulsive/inappropriately w the gang tho, its happened here n there for sure

•he does get his memory back eventually, the gang whipped out photo albums, played memory games (it was actually VERY fun for everyone so that came easily), pony gave him a notebook to help jot things down, they even made a solid schedule for soda so he could get back into the groove of everything. this went on for id say few days in total

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

hiiii mackerellll my brains also bad soup rn soup brain solidarity BUT nhw.... winters family torment nexus..... i did have a question for u actually. currently wading around in the tranches (early game nhw) n i wanna write them doing silly like teen traumatized child soldier shit like playing truth or dare or shit like that... what do u think their two truths & a lie would b? also like. do u have any thoughts on their civilian life. when they are Not on the job or fighting extinction level threats or having panic attacks at school. u know. that 10% <333

ALSO. NHW WAVELENGTH..... do u have any thoughts on him. my only secret backstory caveat is that he has to have the fucking worst shit nightmare rube goldberg machine luck of all time. third & final question im just curious was danny phantom vivisection real & canon or just like a Thing??????

ok im going to start with the danny phantom question bc im dyinggg to talk about this. pun intended. also this is my equivalent of rent-lowering gunshots. if u cannot deal with my dp posting u do not deserve my pd posting etc etc etc !!!

THE ANSWER IS. BOTH YES AND NO. it never Actually Happens but it is talked about!!!!!!! the whole thing is like. dannys parents are ghost hunters and dont know about his powers so theres a lot of him like. overhearing talking about them dissecting ghosts and experimenting on ghosts and such. not knowing that he is one!!! prime territory for somes angsty ass fics. however i am of the small minority that doesnt actually think the fentons are monsters apparently. they dont know!! how could they know!!!!! theyre scientists!!! do you know how much scientists casually talk about dissecting things!! its a lot!!! also theres been a few different instances of them finding out about dannys powers (almost always retconned by time/memory shenanigans but its fine) and EVERY TIME THEYRE SO SUPPORTIVE OF HIM. AND THEY TELL HIM THEY LOVE HIM REGARDLESS. AND IN ONE CASE THEY EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING THOSE THINGS AROUND HIM BC THEY DIDNT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. anyway. i digress bc i love the fentons. anyway! there are so many. SO MANY fucking fanfictions out there of danny getting dissected/vivisected. so many in fact that its one of the things the fandom is best known for by outsiders. enough that there was literally a FANDOM-WIDE DEBATE about whether to call it dissection or vivisection because dannys status as alive/dead is so unclear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao!!!!!!!!! worlds most fucked up fanbase i love it here

putting the nhw stuff under a cut. subjecting my followers to my dp ramble bc fuck you!!!!!! read about my ghost boy first

OK I AM SOOOO FUCKING BAD AT TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE. IM SO BAD AT IT I CAN NEVER THINK OF ANYTHING. so instead i am just going to think of fun facts about them. so actually im gonna kill two birds wiht one stone here and answer both of ur questions abt them. here we go !!!

i think it would be REALLY funny if william is the only one with a drivers license bc he grew up in Not The City (just because he has a license doesnt mean hes GOOD). dakota is lactose intolerant but chooses to be in stubborn denial about it (he canonically doesnt like ice cream!). virion, despite being compared to a cat so often, is allergic to cats. speaking of animals, william likes animals but animals DO NOT like him!! on the other hand animals absolutely love dakota he is friends with every stray dog and cat in the whole city. virion was homeschooled by his parents/the greats. virion also doesnt know much about anything in regards to pop culture/general everyday civilian life? because he was never completely removed from the cape world at any time growing up. no non-cape adults in his life. so he and william still have their movie nights where william introduces him to shitty b-movies hehehe. dakota tries to get him into more Normal movies like. disney or ghibli or whatever but virion likes the shitty ones more. ASSIGNING THEM FAVORITE GHIBLI MOVIES WHILE IM AT IT. this is not which ones i think theyre the most like, just the ones i think are their favorties. dakota likes ponyo, william likes howls moving castle, virion likes princess mononoke, ashe likes spirited away . dont ask me why. UHHH FAVORITE PLACES TO HANG OUT OUTSIDE OF THE BASE/HOUSE. dodgeboy memorial library. lightspeed hangs out there and they like her <3. antonios pizza. he lets them loiter bc they always tip really well. william likes going to the park because he has chronic Grew Up In The Woods disease and needs outdoor time or else he'll go crazy. hes not used to city life. dakota likes the park bc there are lots of little animals there and he can Run Around, virion doesnt like the park as much bc its a lot of Vulnerable Open Spaces and those make him nervous. speaking of which in my head ive grown so attached to the idea of him being so hypervigilant at all times. look at him ive given him anxiety!!! just like. the insane betrayal losing every important figure in his life immediately leading into a life basically on the streets alone picking fights with other capes led to . idk man i keep thinking about it like sleeping in shifts but its impossible to do that with only one person!!!!!!!! do u know what i mean!!!! basically translating the "growing up on fauna where everything wants to kill you" energy into this setting. HMMMMMM. I THINK THATS IT. THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF RN . SORRY FOR THE BLOCK OF TEXT

ohhhhhhh god. oh god oh fuck. i literally Have Not Thought about nhw mark yet like AT ALL only bc i know if i do ill get so sick about it. worlds most suffering man ever he is losing everything!!!!!! ok bc im thinking about lizard stuff tonight im going to answer your question with a question. we;ve kind of sort of talked about the existence of harttawa in relation to overlord and cauldron does he still get fucked up lizard mutations!!!!!! ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS POWERSET. i have a lot of feelings abt him being at least partially a tinker. i think before u also called him a striker (maybe? am i remembering that right) i dont think i know strikers yet what does that one mean. WHAT WAS HIS TRIGGER EVENT. OR IS HE A CAULDRON CAPE. SHAKING YOU. I KNOW I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS BUT. I NEED 2 GET TO THE WORM SECTION WHERE I GET TO LEARN ABOUT NHW ASHE SO BAD. actually i didnt get to read any worm this weekend so im gonna stay up a Little later just to get past this section where theyrre fighting the dragon suits. ouagh EXCITED.

[ozfi]

gavv drugs thoughts ep 32

italics is oomf

something about the lenses on w and gavv making these sorts of crimes feel differently

spreading jam on my leg

where with w the crimes are always tied to the gaia memory itself so theres always emotional weight and the dealers get dealt with for being dealers

but gavv introduces a disconnect where the people involved with the granute's crimes dont actually matter because the granute dont see humans as anything but an ingredient.

so instead of w's very P.I./mystery approach of "the culprit behind this specific case will Always Be Introduced In The Same Episodes" and thus be related, gavv has these random attacks that may feel less weighty because the culprits genuinely just dont fucking care

and that means in w its inherently a lot easier to empathize with someone involved with a gaia memory case because these are just people dealing with problems. but "people who specifically gather for the cartel and dont really care about the problems they cause along the way" i guess could be 'harder' to get people to empathize with

Even though it doesnt matter and addicts are people regardless and W addresses that ANYWAY

WHY HAS IT TAKEN THIS LONG FOR ANYONE TO THINK ABOUT THIS!! well its cuz the show hasnt let them. Sorry Hanty

the setup just gets me man. even if they weren't the eptiome of angelic little sibling for my traumatic backstory, is the fact that the stomach family is just giving these out to people knowing theyre hyperaddictive that'll drive them to the point of doing anything, which leads to them being kidnapped and experimented on and put the work for no pay other than more snacks. that's just miserable to think about

its not actually like even the people in charge are inherently irredeemable inhuman freaks so saeko and wakana make me want to chew my insides out and thats a good thing. their family situation is realistic and understandable. and yeah you get the final three stomach family members in the company here BECAUSE they were fucked up enough to not care how they affected other people. but crucially it. ironically as theyre granutes. dehumanizes them because it doesnt really show them as having much interiority outside of it -> related to not having as many stomach family segments showing them just dicking around . they can be fucked up and horrible and do other things too

if you have a show thats trying to do the same thing as another show its good to distinguish yourself. its true. but when its about legit actual drugs i do think you have a responsibility to portray that with empathy and not "everyone who does drugs is an evil kidnapping druggie who would do anything for their next hit"

Except the angel baby who died

yeah im definitely not a fan of comel being the only "resistor". too many people struggling are demonized for "why didn't you go get help???" as if its that simple

(i mean the twins imply a lot of part-timers "disappear/flake" very early on but like. given what we all know theyre most likely Super Dead)

we know drugs are addictive. and thats why people have less sympathy for anyone who doesnt. "you should have known better" maybe they did maybe they didnt, maybe they didnt have a choice, maybe it was the only thing that helped, maybe they just made a dumb mistake. doesnt matter. theyre still people

[solarcrit]

ALSO ALSO. sun's bacjstory pisses me off so much if ur gonna make him scared and traumatized of bigger celestial bodies make them ACTAULLY bigger. toliman is smaller than sun. rigil is like 10% bgiger. also the fact that tehyre there ONLY to be bullies is super annoying and how proxima?? is nearly blatantly a love interest bc shes the "only one who was nice to sun".... howis she not influenced by toliman and rigil being around her constantly?? and the fact that his trauma of being left alone is weird bc he was JUST born. how would he understand death if you translate this into irl then its lije an infant seeing a random stranger die they wouldnt remember or rly be affected by it at all.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!! I'll go crazy about this one because i love sun so so much.

SO MUCH YAPPING UNDER THE CUT. I DIDNT MEAN TO TYPE THIS MUCH

Its so bullshit that they made sun have a whole thing about "being afraid of bigger celestial bodies" when. he has no reason to?? In the solar system trials, europa was talking about how sun wouldn't understand what it's like to deal with celestial bodies hundreds of times bigger than her, and she was RIGHT!!! The two stars that bullied sun were literally almost the?? same size as him??? Literally the ratio of sun's size to rigil and toliman's (the two stars that bullied him, btw) is LESS than the ratio of earth to mars' size. And the two giant stars that were there didn't even do anything to him, like arcturus was WARNING them of the supernova and the dying star couldn't do anything about it?? I get that for a young star that could be scary, but not to the point of being afraid of anything bigger than him???

They could have made this make 100% more sense sooo easily. Just make him be afraid of being belittled?? Make the stars who bully him more unnamed giants?? Have him encounter a black hole?? I know none of these make sense but they had arcturus as a red giant and had a supernova happen after his birth

They had SUCH a big opportunity to make a good story out of this. They could make a parallel between moons + planets and giant stars + dwarf stars and it'd work so well!! They could have had toliman and rigil (who are also dwarf stars) tell him life is unfair and tell him that he'll never compare to giant stars, keep them as bullies and still have it be REALISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also this isnt important to my rant really but why would you make a star supernova after the sun is born. One of the leading theories of why the sun was born is that a nearby supernova caused a dust cloud to condense and begin nuclear fusion. and after that there PROBABALY wouldn't be another supernova nearby. just a thought!!

love sun forever and always❤️

[goosehaver]

posting a lot today but idrc. im having fun.

i also made these. i actually made the tcw one a while back but on shitty string, just replaced it with stretch cord.

i got the materials cheap from joannes (rip) as well as several colors of fleece i'm excited to use for plush projects. it feels so nice to be excited about something creative again, however small it might be.

personal ramblings under cut (mentions of needles, medical context, talk of bloodwork and such, medications)

fun fact: that little dot on the back of my hand is from the iv. my other arm is all bruised up from the previous one and multiple failed attempts. ive actually had to have blood drawn/and iv placed 4 times (i think?) in the past 2 weeks, not counting the individual pokes each time. mostly from the gallbladder situation, but i also had my hrt checkup in the middle of all that. good thing i'm used to needles. still hurts, but it's not scary. i used to be terrified bc of a really bad experience, but literally every time since, regardless of pain and struggle, has been great in terms of the people doing it. that first time i think they were just inexperienced and kinda aggressive and i was already rlly scared (16 and had never had bloodwork) so it was kinda traumatic. but now i'm not ever nervous about it anymore. maybe a little about them being able to get it (ive had to be sent to other labs bc the staff just couldn't get my veins) but that's it. also, i found out it is, in fact, genetic. from my father. knew it wasn't my mom's side bc both she and my brother have "pipes" as she call them (she's a certified phlebotomist so she'd know). idk why he never mentioned it before since ive told him abt my issues, but im not surprised.

and for once i have all my prescriptions in order. ive had trouble with shipping (fuck that noise, i went back to the physical pharmacy) and insurance, but this time, i have all my shit. i was worried abt having to pay extra for the lexapro bc of an insurance denial, but ig they changed their mind? and with everything going on rn i was also worried abt hrt, but that seems to also be fine. probably helps that the pharmacist is also a trans guy (what a neat coincidence, and also lucky bc that means no bs denials). i think he did my covid shot? cool guy. and the weird "state policy" shit with the ritalin seems to be over, too. which, i can live without it, but having it is a big help. and, after being lost for like a month in transit, i did eventually get that lost bottle of lexapro. which leaves me with an emergeny supply. super glad abt that bc withdrawals are legit one of the worst feelings ive ever had, next to the gallbladder pain (apparently they say its comparable to labor pains? thats wild but tbh i dont doubt it. that shit was insane. im so glad i dont have to deal with that anymore).

well. didnt mean to write a whole essay there, but i actually think this is good for me. like a journal. maybe ill make a tag just for the ramblings, so folks can filter if need be, bc i actually think im gonna keep it up. its kinda fun. never wanted to do physical journaling bc i hate writing tbh, and my handwriting sucks. plus it always seemed like a chore, since its like a scheduled everyday thing usually. didnt appeal to me. but this is nice actually, getting my thoughts out. ok thats all for now. if u read this you're cool. have a nice day, or if u cant, hang in there.

🦢🪿🦆

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream. It’s 😵‍💫 anon again.

I actually haven’t been on here in a bit bc I was tired & embarrassed of spreading my misery lol. So much has went on with my life since my last message on Thanksgiving. It’s been going as it always does. I fell into the law of assumption trap again last week. I saw in a response to an anon, you said that a lot of us have trauma from the law, which is true. Every time I go back to it, I regret it again haha. It’s such a heavy subject. I watched Sammy Ingram. I tried to force it again. I just knocked some sense into myself an hour ago, “girl, what the hell are you doing?” I know how it ends every time. I’m caught in this place of not understanding if the magic truly is out there or if I’m wasting time. The last of my teen years were spent with trying with the law. I fell flat every time. Although I’m nowhere near okay right now, I still reflect on how painful the journey of the law had been for me. I’m just asking myself if I want to keep feeling the lows of it. I don’t, but without it, what will I do? I have some many dreams. If I were to cut it loose and say “I’m okay if this doesn’t happen”, it would never happen. I needed the law to work. I say NEEDED simply because it gets tiring. Tiring to a point that the desires feel bitter now. I think that is why the community has died down. It’s tired. I’m not sure what put it in some of our heads that we have to make ourselves miserable just to reach. It’s sad to think about. I was a child stuck in this loop. I found subliminals. I haven’t been normal since then. This is a sad tale, but I hope other people can break free from it. Too many are stuck, me included. In some way, law of assumption coaches are stuck too. Your page is a place to become unstuck.

After that coming to my senses moment earlier, I actually felt lighter letting go of the forced affirmations again. I’m not okay, but I think everyone can understand how heavy the law can feel on your back. Now….I’ve just sat with my negativity. I don’t know what to do with it all. I always look to find someone else who is feeling like I am, but I truly don’t want anyone to. I hope everyone who has been negatively affected by the laws can recover. It truly is crazy. I wonder if there will be a documentary on Netflix one day. “Surviving the Laws” lmfao.

I didn’t have a main point for this message. Your point just brought up some words in my mind…. like yeah, we’ve been traumatized. 😂😂😂

I hope you’ve been doing well, Dream. How’s life going? Happy New Year btw!!!!

hiii lovely 😵‍💫 anon

ahh i remember when sammy first blew up and uh.. yeah. def glad that didnt last hahahah i wouldnt ever rec her to anyone knowing what i know now, but i get it. sometimes we fall back and that's just normal and not a big deal.

this really stood out to me though, "if i were to cut it loose and say, "i'm okay if this doesn't happen," it would never happen." hmmmm this is very far from the truth. and the hard realization is realizing... you not cutting it loose hasnt made it happen either. :/ the law is extremely paradoxial and until we surrender to that fact, we continue to struggle and struggle. fighting and wanting and wanting and wanting. and never making it pass the phase of wanting, or even if we do, we quickly find ourselves back in the wanting phase again because that is what it is. if we cannot stop wanting, if we cannot stop hoping something will happen for us to finally be happy... then we keep waiting for that day we can finally be happy. this is maybe the hardest part in all of this. allowing the paradox. that when we actually cut loose and stop needing whatever to pass, that is when it happens. when we could enjoy life, even just a little, with the very little that we have in front of us, the thing we wanted most appears. sometimes we have to create our own magic, not continue waiting on life to bring it to us.

i understand you entirely when you say you get tired, and the desire feels bitter. because ohmygosh that was meeeee. at some points, i became entirely resentful towards what i had thought i wanted the most. i also agree this is why the community has died down, and many are moving to a more non dualistic lifestyle bc its much more freeing than the manifestation trap. everything you're saying is so relatable to me a few years ago, and thats why i have remained on this page. to be some sort of source of help, to share my own journey and hopefully it can encourage and inspire others. :')

LOL but imagine. i think that would be a great documentary, bc seriously so many people would be able to speak out and it would be so relatable. and it would show people that there is a way out. we truly didnt find the law for nothing, it leads us to something greater eventually. the law was always meant to lead to the promise, you know ? so for that, its not all terrible. but its true that a lot of us hurt ourselves and traumatized ourselves a lot in the process, and it doesnt help that so many loa coaches at the same supported that kind of suffering.

anyway, thanks for popping in again !! i've been doing really well tbh, the new year is going really well. i've made some big changes in my life, like moving abroad and i'm already loving it but having to learn how to live somewhere completely new. the days are so beautiful here and lately and its the small things like that which just make me happy to be here <3

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

this is the hi nanna anon again, and oml i do agree w you about yashna crossing the lines!! the black saree thing, her acting like she has a right to question viraj's decisions about mahi, etc

but overall it was overshadowed by the number of things i loved in the movie/the emotions

I think Mrunal being drawn to viraj/mahi did make sense in my head, because I felt like- even though she forgot those memories, her body would remember? i'm not fully sure what I meant but something along the lines of recognising the comfort viraj gave her & subconsciously recognising bits of herself/someone she loved in mahi? but all that might just be the romantic in me being delulu lmao

and I get what you mean by not vibing with it/feeling like it was Too Much, (especially after the malayalam movies), that does make sense.

I desperately needed both the lead characters to go to therapy so many times 😭 helping yashna cope w her trauma before conceiving mahi would've helped in so many ways, no? and like. my brain has been full of thoughts of them dealing with their trauma after the end of the movie (if they make a part 2 exploring their dynamics, i'd die of joy. unfortunately it's not likely to happen at all smh)

and yes 65 roses was so cute and genius

anyway, thanks for answering!! (and for dealing with my unprompted essay lol)

YASHNA i could not for the life of me remember their names lmfao -- and yeah like as far as she knows shes a random stranger and she's demanding traumatic memories and answer from literally a guy at a coffeeshop like 😭😭 please he just spent all day frantically searching for his daughter maybe find him a therapist instead

for me her being drawn to him made sense in like a, the dog recognizing the kid and him, the fact that they didnt stray from their life paths after the accident, like if they were married they would be in the same place not just because they were together but because their lives just played out like that. but i can see how you see it (im a hopeless romantic too so i want this more than the analytical way) and especially with how much trauma yashna went through and only found comfort in viraj, so even without conscious memory her subconscious would still find comfort in him..................... anon i am subscribing to your beliefs

I KNOWWWWWW LIKE PLEASE 7CUPS IS FREEEEE!!!!!!!!! if i was in that movie i would be getting my degree in psychiatry specifically for them. on god we are getting your mental health above the ground bro

yesssssssssssssss, nani has such a Father Face in a way i cannot explain so its for me specifically that he's playing more now that he's older. if i wasnt in love with him i'd ask him to adopt me (and tbh. he's more than old enough to.)

jersey was so sad, i still tear up when i listen to the songs :(((( its a movie i definitely want to watch again when my emotional capacity is more stable lmaoo

no worries at all, i loooooove essay asks like we r having an intellectual conversation in this chilis tonight 🙏🏽🙏🏽 i will literally never be annoyed im like omg friend :]

[ivan-is-autistic]

12/25/23 - reflection on being autistic and related trauma / its been about a year since i left my toxic relationship, and nearly a year since i had the epiphany that im autistic. i kicked out my ex like a week before christmas last year because he was being so horrible to me that i couldn’t stand it anymore. shortly after in January ‘23 it clicked for me that i’m autistic and my life has never been the same since. in a lot of ways it changed for the better when i realized what was happening and i could accommodate myself. but it also got harder to mask and i’m dealing with skill regression. i’m burnt out and having trouble finding the energy to go back to school for my masters. ive been re-traumatized and its even harder than it already was to socialize and make friends. i’m still trying to cope with the fact that i didnt know who i was for most of my life. i thought i was a girl until i was 16. i thought i was allistic until i was 23. i didn’t understand why people thought i was weird or why i didn’t get included when i was trying my best to be approachable and kind. i know now that i’m an autistic trans man, and im proud of who i am. i’m proud of getting through all that i did, even if it sucked and i didn’t deserve it.

[averysmolkirbo]

yea like what is up with that

i have like serious impostor syndrome about my diagnosis because like SURELY they wouldve noticed? surely they wouldve done something??? Clearly IM the crazy one?

my personal theory is a classic case of Medical Sexism (boo). I bet i wouldve been diagnosed, like, 5th grade or earlier, if i was just a boy. buuuuut nooooo because i have a pussy im suddenly just being hysterical and weird and a little brat

like looking back on my childhood i was SO weird and so different beyond "haha im SOOO quirky and silly and weird" and no one said shit??? ok. well actually i remember having ONE (1) conversation about it (and it was about adhd, not autism) but after my mom finished explaining it to me she never got me tested at all? in fact her solution was a fucking essential oil of all things (she's not even normally THAT much of a quack. i dont know where that came from???) she was not anti-vax, flat-earth, in an MLM, or believed in "holistic medicine", so no clue where that came from. she was on facebook and a frequent church goer so maybe she got it from someone there??

ive asked her about it multiple times since i got diagnosed about why she didnt ever see the big flashing signs and ive never gotten a clear answer. she just kinda deflects or says nothing and even one time i think she tried to guilt trip me for asking?? she was like "imagine how bad i feel about this" (the irony. i dont know how anyone feels about anything!!)

and also, IMAGINE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT, IM THE ONE WHO HAD TO DEAL WITH IT THE WHOLE TIME??

so you can make your own judgement here's a list of very definitely autistic traits i had as a kid:

- food sensitivities (i mean, a lot of kids are picky eaters but also i could eat the same thing for like 3 months everyday and not get bored. in fact i was SHOCKED when i found out most people eat DIFFERENT things EVERY day???)

- i just never made friends and preferred things as company (ok. I had some friends. but like never more than like a couple at a time. and i also i was TERRIBLE at maintaining them and would actively lose them by accidentally offending them and not knowing what i did wrong)

- i had comfort things way past what is 'normal' (like i would take stuffed animals to school with me in like 6th to 12th grade)

- texture sensitivities (i just refused to wear or even touch certain things. like i was practically hissing and growling at the thought of wearing a t-shirt) (by t-shirt i mean that like, specific tshirt material. the weirdly thick mass-produced t-shirt material)

- meltdowns/breakdowns/shutdowns (whenever i did get upset about stuff i refused to speak at all for like at least 30 mins afterward and some of my teachers would just put me in the hall until i became Normal again)

++ a bunch of stuff i probably forgot about and partially blocked out due to it being somewhat traumatic

[plusdanshii]

angel/ nun care loredump

care is a very very empathetic person first and foremost. not to a detriment to herself but in general. its why she helps the orphans out however she can, its why she saved whitney, and its why its one of the only reasons why she decided to stay as a nun. even if it isn’t how she expected, she is helping people. (even if her job is literally to consume as much cum as possible) she is doing a good thing and thats enough for her to want to continue. more than anything else, even more than bailey’s attention, she loves the feeling of warmth and safety the statue of virgo gives her.

despite her high status in the temple, care doesnt actually, like, care a whole lot about the temple. what i mean by that is its not that she doesn’t like it there. she loves sydney that much where anywhere he is can become enjoyable just because of his presence. she enjoys cleaning and tidying up the garden and agrees that the temple is a holy place. but she gets molested and harassed on a near daily basis and that it makes her not really… give a shit about this community here lol

and shes not oblivious so of course she notices the initiates being sexually assaulted by the older nuns / priests. that also puts a considerable dent in her capacity towards the temple community. despite all of these terrible reasons the mains why she stays despite not caring is because of sydney (obv), the monthly allowance of a whopping 4000£, and she genuinely feels a sense duty in her faith.

she would never act conceited about the fact but, she does take alot of pride in the fact that despite everything shes managed to stay pure. despite living in rape central, she’s been able to have control and keep something most people here havent. (severe ocd care too maybe) though its also a double edged sword because she probably has an unhealthy fixation with her virginity in return.

“this is mine, it belongs to me, no one else can take it away from me, only i can give it away” it transcends any value that a physical possession can give her. she cannot separate herself from the concept of being a virgin because in this godforsaken place, thats kind of a big deal. again care is someone whos more on the aware side than oblivious side so she’s heard many many horror stories from the orphans. hearing those made her so so afraid that the moment she became an adult she got a chastity belt. the temple members who very often compliment her on her dedication to purity only accelerate this feeling of self-worth and glory in her virginity.

so even though it seems like the opposite, she doesn’t really care for the temple community because alot of them are filthy degenerates, has an unhealthy obsession over her status as a virgin, what else to know about angel care ? well she did complete that spear quest that jordan gave her! she didnt come back unscathed, but she also didnt come back traumatized? it was more like a resigning, numbing experience, like “i guess im just in a state of constant molestastion. atleast i still have my virginity and chastity belt.” she did feel very accomplished when she successfully brought it back to the temple, and felt happy when she saw how happy jordan was.

honestly there isnt much else to say about her adult life. she and sydney are definitely the most outwardly normal people in all of doltown. i say outwardly normal because sydney has many problems of their own, and care is … well. very pent up. in ways that you’d think, and ways that you wouldn’t believe. like sydney no one else notices but there definitely there. most of her issues manifest in and because of whitney, so i’ll elaborate more that another time.

[eternalstarshineforadarkenedmind]

It’s like this place holds all my trauma files.

It’s weird when your just going through the most traumatic moments of your life because everyone including you just feels like its natural.

Like oh this’ll just go away in a few days..

Spontaneous Trauma.

Yet here I am with something that’s still giving me fucking painful cramps every 7 minutes. And to wake up and turn over only to feel this uncomfortable wetness. Or the fact that no matter how much fucking water i drink my lips burn from losing so much fluid.

And to top it all off im sick.

Being asked to go ahead on to work and mentally telling myself I should, even though the process isnt even done. Even though I’ll cry on the way there and then suddenly everything will feel okay for a bit and then i’ll cry again, because no one knows, that for five days I was mentally rearranging my life, and not even second guessing. I was talking to you about being weirded out and excited and scared. I was moving furniture in my head and wondering how long it would take and if we’d get the apartments I started to look at.

I know now that I definitely want a bathtub, and an extra room, and a nicely painted home, with windows and carpet, and the kitchen area is like the ones I used to stand in, in Lowes, and a pretty basinette. And I need more pillows, and to stop whining about other peoples lives when I could be doing so much more with mine.

I want to get this Teachers Assistance Certificate. So I have more money, and i made a smart choice to let your dad, (is that weird? Well fuck it, we only live one life and if you were all we got in it then why not?) be responsible for holding the money. Because I knew no matter what, I no longer wanted to put us in a predicament that would hurt us, and stress me out.

And I have to admit, the idea was “you want a kid? You gotta make these decisions.” So i guess, at 7 weeks and 3 days you were teaching me something.

I learned stupid terms like “nesting” and found out a LOT more moms wore headphones during the first few months than i originally thought, (thought that was my idea). And i know this isn’t just my burden to bear. He was just so willing and ready for anything, when it came to what I wanted to do. But more than anything, he’d have streamed with you, and he knew your goddad immediately.

His kindness was so loud, and I wasn’t prepared for it. But I welcomed it, and his smile was so random, i had to question it, but honestly I think he was just happy and nervous and aware, and simple.

It’s when things got complicated that everything changed, almost immediately.

I wish you woulda stayed and given me time to choose… but I can’t blame you, im the very first mf to be like, “wait you don’t know if you want me? Aiight bye.”

Its just that right now, it happened so fast that I feel like idk. Like im mourning and then i dont care, and then im over it and then im crying like i lost someone and i know i did, everyone is saying i did, but no one else was in the bathroom with me when I saw you leave. And that wasn’t easy. It was weird and my scientist brain was so fucking confused and my emotional brain was like “chrissy wake uuuuppp, i dont like this!” Brainrot.

But its even harder because now im trying to prove that for a minute you existed, and that makes it so much worse.

Maybe its the hormones. They said they were high and will fluctuate until they taper off over the next two weeks.. its a lot. Maybe then I can say that I overreacted and this was no big deal.

And its a lot I didnt know how to do. Because this was all very new to me and no one told me how to handle it. I felt like i disappointed people almost immediately finding out about you, and others were so happy, and i was so scared and my therapist was so over me. Lmao.

I learned a lotta lessons in a short period of time..

Thanks for that I guess.

Idk how im gonna feel moving forward,

But I know I want you.

There’s no doubt about that now.

And while I also want to explore the world, and go on dates, and see things,

I think a tiny piece of me will always be “nesting”…

Creating memories to show you of after your quick visit but before you decided to stay…

Building the ideas, not just dreaming about them.

And leaving anything that doesn’t serve the dreams I have, in the past.

You made me realize I wasn’t ready, but i had to get ready…

And i dont think anything will change that little fight that was lit in me,

Idk, lets see as the days pass, because today i just wanna be alone with my thoughts and to stop moving. And to pretend the whole world does not exist. For a moment i just want to be in complete silence. Without worrying about how everyone is and what i need to do next. I just want to exist outside of the context for a bit.

Because thats where you are now.

And I’m tired of being perceived.

[fnaf-girls-world]

it’s been awhile. i’m a sophomore now and im doing better, i have a new crush and a new vibe. but i just wanted to let out some things i have no bravery to talk about irl. the first guy i talked to in the beginning of the year i talked about a couple times on this app. he was so fun, and he was also the worst thing to ever happen. it’s not like we dated, i just liked him a little bit (more of the idea of him). but who knew someone that you never really had a relationship with could leave you with a trauma you didn’t realize you had. when the whole thing was over and i was done with him, consciously i moved on really quickly, but i subconsciously held onto it and feared a repeat. so when i got the next boys number i was scared that id mess up or something and he’d repeat the same thing. telling my mom about the whole situation really made me realize some stuff, talking about it made it easier to deal with. but now i realize that it plays more in other stuff. i have a new crush and so far i only noticed him because he stared at me. when i decided to follow him in instagram i got scared and didnt wanna because i thought “what if he thinks im weird” or “what if im the one staring at him?” little things that just don’t make since to worry about. which was proven by the fact that after i followed him he messaged me with ease, he initiated an interaction. so what am i getting to? i was left with a fear of being shunned or bought as a weird person by some guy who just had a bunch of negative things to say. ever since i met that guy my emotions in a way were heightened, i mainly cried more. i cried more with anything that had to do with social interactions not just a crush, just social stuff in general. this boy got to me so bad that it affected a lot of my social anxiety. i hated going to school, i felt like everyone knew how he felt and they all sided with him even though a max of 4 people knew and were all nobody’s. i’m so scared to the point that every time i follow someone new or if someone follows me i like to make sure they aren’t following him. i subconsciously try not to say to much around him out of the fear of being judged. why is it affecting me so much? he only said a couple mean things so why does it leave me so traumatized. it wasn’t even my choice to do the things that had him calling me stuff. i didn’t wanna look crazy, i didn’t wanna send those obsessive messages but everyone told me to and then they all left me after he thought i was a crazy. they knew it was wrong, but maybe i should’ve just did my own thing. i know better now and hopefully i’ll get better now, i just really hope that this trauma doesn’t last for the rest of my life, hopefully just for a couple months.

(9/2/24, 1:07am)

[phoenix-eclipses]

So I play DnD with some IRL friends. All of our campaigns are based off of games and since we haven’t played in a little while, I wanted to make a goofy list of my favorite things from each because I can

This is a lot of yapping tbh so if you just follow me to see my SMAU, be warned

Hollow Knight Campaign (don’t come to me for anything about Hollow Knight Ive played less than an hour of gameplay)

This campaign was restarted from what it originally was, but the first version I joined late

So I didn’t have very much info on a lot of things

Within that first session we get into a fight with someone wanting intel and I end up being the only one to make the save to stay conscious so she ends up interrogating the one with zero info of what we are doing (she had to wake up someone else)

In the original, we found a bone house with a bone bed and from there I made my character obsessed with bone furniture so our dm made it so after each fight not only did we get gold, we got some bones

Genshin Impact Campaign

Our characters are literally traumatized Knight, someone who worked with Hu Tao, and lower ranked Fatui member (me)

When we got to Mondstadt we were taught how to glide and were told to climb on the Barbatos statue which I failed at climbing so much that the dm made it where said god picked me up and put me on the statue’s hands)

The one who worked under Hu Tao doesn’t know what the Fatui actually is, she thinks its some fancy private school so when theres slight hostility towards my character, she sasses people about how theyre just jealous of my education

The traumatized knight is basically the dad of the group

Honkai Star Rail Campaign

The newest one

Our group is basically a thing similar to Herta, a robot, and a Vidyadhara (me)

The whole group decided gender sucks so none of us are cis/have a gender

We take the place of the mc so we did do the whole Stellaron deal

I didnt know how to give skills to my character and we were talking about the Vidyadhara eggs and now their whole kit involves eggs

They hand eggs to people they want to be friends with and if you break said friendship, the egg will break (important for later)

Due to how Vidyadhara life is, my character doesn’t understand the risk of dying so when the whole doomsday beast was going on, they called it Doomsie and mentioned wanting to befriend it

The DM told me if I got a nat 20 we could not only befriend it to use it in battle, but would let Dan Heng have a permanent slot in our party (Dan Heng is one of my favorites and I had been sad about the fact we could only add one additional character to our fights)

I got a Nat 20

When we got to Belebog, I gave Cocolia an egg and our DM commented on us trying to befriend her too

I privately messaged the DM and said that I didn’t plan on it personally and that if we do end up fighting her, that she should figure out the stats of the friendship eggs exploding

We have not fought Cocolia yet

We did spend some time waiting to meet her tho

We ended up starting a dance line, which one of the group members tried to start but got a 4 so I tried to help them

I got another nat 20

It has become a thing to expect a single nat 20 from me that will be the goofiest thing ever

[fictionfixations]

angry ranting time

(i curse. a lot.)

hi. heres my reveal that i play magic awakened

about the story. can we talk about the fact that for some reason NO ONE BLINKS AN EYE at the use of the memory removal charm whatever the fuck??? like i havent been in this fandom for so long so i forgot a lot, but is it legal to just remove memories from people?? (lets not even talk about muggles…) like. okay. so the grandma removed the memory from her grandkid (traumatic memory). but she was so shit at it (she 'rushed' it so then ivy(? I FORGOT THE NAMES) had memory issues all the time and didnt even remember her SISTER??? HELLO?) like okay even if its 'legal' id have to assume youd need some sort of permit or whatever the fuck to be allowed to use it, and to be skilled at it too to not mess someone up. because memories are such an important part of you that taking them away has to be a crime!? (AND ITS NOT?? you can just ruin someones life and be like '…it was rushed' AND NO ONE BATS AN EYE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!)

if ivy didn't actually disappear her sister (and it was the sister who disappeared herself by accident which made ivy think she did it) how the fuck did the quibbler end up talking about it? howd they even hear of it?? usually i support the quibbler and hate the daily prophet but like. seriously…? (if they learned it from law enforcement didnt the grandma explain that the sister did it to herself?! YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT--) "Local Girl Make Sister Disappear to Keep Her Out of Hogwarts" HELLO? YOUR INFORMATION IS WRONG. YOU MF. HOW DARE YOU YOU DISAPPOINTMENT. (im. so pissed off.)

i forgot how much the fandom makes me so angry though because everyone in the storys kind of an idiot and huifsheiuf???? i want to SCREAM. (tldr; adults are still shit)

i thought ivy was kinda something like neville but it isnt that shes just forgetful, shes forgetful because her gRANDMA decided it was a good idea to MEMORY WIPE her. like. guys… the magic world needs like fucking therapists or some shit to talk this through instead of using super powerful spells to do whatever the fuck. (WHO thought it was a good idea to teach children [AT MAXIMUM AT 11 YEARS OLD. because Ivy's sister knew it BEFORE Ivy got her hogwarts letter.] the vanishing spell oh my god. oh wait. the grandma. BITCH.)

LIKe. SERIOUSLY??? it baffles me how things like this can just happen

ALSO there are still like dark wizards

and i mean yeah people are still gonna be evil but now theres ANOTHER evil oh my god (i know theres meant to be something to make the story interesting but im sobbing where the fuck are the adults to deal with this shit)

theres this thing called NOTME (wow. excellent naming skills.) that wants to reveal magic to the muggles by doing illegal things (okay well illegal things can be vague because just revealing it is illegal. but more like. think magical things in front of a crowd. ..which is very likely to lead to just utter panic because its so many.)

idk i didnt really pay attention because im just. tired at this point (harry potter has a way of doing that to me).

also one sad moment that gets an honorable mention. so you know george weasley? i think thats the twin that survived (i am SO bad with names)

we encounter him and he talks about pranking umbridge with his twin

and hes just saying 'we' and im thinking 'wait is he alive??' but no hes just. saying it (even if technically we probably dont know about his twins death so we might be confused) and it just

makes me sad. :(

anyway

also i forgot what i was meant to do here so im just kind of waiting for my doods to finish it since idk what im supposed to do

(it passed onto 13 minutes and then something happened and i won?? IDFK i got so confused. ive gone to the bird but nothing happens and my attacks dont affect it so idk)