#and fantasize/romanticize about being the person who reaches out and says not to me not if it's you

[vulpinesaint]

in my "it is rotten work" era actually. especially to me. especially if it's you.

[solarmorrigan]

For the heart prompt could you possibly do 💚 please? Thank you in advance ☺️

My guy, I cannot even tell you how much this one argued with me. A challenge! It was fun, though, thank you for the prompt :D

💚 true love's kiss / magic kiss / healed

Prompt from this post

-

It’s practically the stuff of fairy tales – like something out of the story books Steve’s mom would read to him before bed, back when doing stuff like reading to your kid was in vogue.

It isn’t that soulmates aren’t real—it’s the sort of thing you’ll hear about a friend of a friend or see in the news sometimes, that a soulmate pair has come together, usually when one or both of the people involved are already famous—it’s just that they’re rare.

Not everyone is lucky enough to find their fated person – the person who will complete them, whose presence will soothe, whose very touch is said to be healing (and Steve has no idea if that’s all built-up, romanticized bullshit or not, but he likes imagining that it’s true, anyway).

Steve used to fantasize about it, if he’s honest: finding his One True Love, having a soulmate, someone who would love him unconditionally and never want to abandon him.

Of course, as he gets older, he realizes that it’s both unlikely and unrealistic to imagine that he, of all people, would have a soulmate. And in any case, he doesn’t need one. He still finds his people – people who love him and who care about him and who he loves and cares for in return. No soul bond required.

People like Dustin and Robin – and Eddie, who Steve enjoys being around more than he possibly could have imagined. Eddie, who takes the time to explain his references when Steve gets lost, who listens when Steve wants to talk about his own things, who not only tolerates but seems to delight in when Steve wants to take care of him, who sticks up for and takes care of Steve in return.

Eddie, who seems just as drawn to Steve as Steve is to him.

Even now, when they’d had plans to hang out for the day and Steve’s goddamn brain had ruined it all by smacking him upside the head with a migraine, Eddie is there. He isn’t even mad that their plans have been derailed – he’s just bringing Steve water and his medication and making sure that the blinds are closed and that he’s comfortable, and who the fuck even needs a soulmate, Steve fucking loves this man.

In his muddled state, he thinks he might try to say as much, but it comes out as more of a sleepy mumble. The jumble of syllables catches Eddie’s attention, at least, and brings him back to the side of the bed, where he perches and leans towards Steve.

“How’re you doing?” he asks softly.

Steve hums – less of an answer, and more of a confirmation that he’s still alive.

Eddie gives him a soft smile of sympathy and reaches over to brush Steve’s bangs back from his forehead. Steve swears his head clears a little just at the touch.

“Sorry the day got ruined,” he finally manages, and Eddie shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s fine. We’ve always got more time. Sorry you’re feeling shitty, though,” Eddie says.

And then– and then he leans in and presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead, quick and soft, and the touch of his lips against Steve’s skin sparks. It tingles and spreads and Steve gasps and shivers at the weird, weird feeling of all his pain suddenly draining away, leaving him feeling perfectly well and completely fucking stunned.

He stares up at Eddie, who stares back at him, just as startled, his fingers hovering somewhere near his lips as if he’d been poking at them trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Steve can see the moment he comes to the exact same conclusion that Steve has.

“Oh,” Eddie says quietly, and Steve laughs, sitting up to throw his arms around Eddie’s neck.

Those stupid storybooks were right, Steve decides, as he pulls Eddie in for a full and proper kiss – sometimes dreams really do come true.

[opinated-user]

There's a lot to unpack here. But Lily is claiming now that Courtney sexually abused her.

https://www.tumblr.com/lily-orchard/739777528155308032/okay-so-i-have-the-source-that-brittany-and?source=share

alright *cracking knuckles* it's going to be one of those days.

did everyone read that? did you all catch the slip up there? let me bring it back. "but i'm not 14 anymore, Courtney" 14 was the age that Courtney had when he bought a lock to his door and finally stopped LO from coming to molest him in his sleep. LO was 15. 14 is the age that LO has constantly shoved into multiple on her pieces of work (wikis, fanfiction, even videos) for young female characters that she wanted to sexualize or romanticize. 14 was the age of the "sister" in that archived video (that you can find in that link, for anyone curious) that LO argued should be allowed to keep having a sexual/romantic relationship with her 15 year old brother. (also 15 is the age in which she started grooming ginger, but that's just incidental here) is this the smoking gun proof that LO did something to Courtney? not necesarily. but you hear someone who has groomed a teen that age and that has sexualized that age, especially refering to adults, who you know has a history of multiple people accusing them of coercing others into doing sexual things for them, now also being accused by their own sibling... which possibility sounds more pleasible? either 1, LO this entire time has been just the bravest soldier ever, keeping quiet about the supposed sexual Courtney abuse inflicted on her, even after Courtney came out with a testimony video talking about what she did to him, and she refused to speak about it just because... i don't know, invent some reason here if you want to. so she has kept quiet all this time, despite the many months that have passed since then, and only decided to speak... when an account linked to CSEM was linked to her. but that was pure coincidence, i'm sure! just like it was purely coincidental that LO decided to reveal to everyone, including her own wife that was left in the dark, that she had actually survived cancer and chemotherapy she endured for at least 6 months without anyone knowing, right after Courtney spoke out officially in a public platform!

"she must have reached her breaking point", someone might claim. "i wouldn't care anymore about anything if someone was accusing me of soliciting that kind of content either and would explode too". sure, i can believe that. ... if they didn't had a history of sexually coercing people to do sexual things for them and then trying to turn the tables on them, despite the overwhelming evidence against them. but sure it's interesting the timing, isn't it? futhermore, this is still assuming that LO didn't want to reveal that the person who is accusing her of molestation had sexually abused her because... reasons. the woman who told everyone she fantasized about being thrown to a cage full of horny dogs just stayed quiet, being coy and discreet, because reasons. she's just brave and reserved like that, even when the person who abused her for so long is still trying to abuse her as an adult. she never overshares and always knows to pull her punches shen she thinks she can win against the people who accuse her of horrible things, right? (oh but Courtney is culpable of murder and molestation, remember, and also guilty of not stopping a full grown adult from abusing LO when he was only 6 and he also never suffered any abuse at the hands of anyone despite presenting clear signs of it. LO knows for a fact that Courtney is a liar, liar who lies, because she said so. and no, it's not because is just convenient. and no, it's not to dismiss all the evidence against her that has accumulated by other people that never even knew Courtney. because LO said so. and why would she ever lie?) the 2 option to believe here, well, do i need to say it? i'll anyway.

LO panicked when another account in another site full of CSEM was associated with her and is trying to DARVO her way into turning it everything against Courtney and Brittany (while still insisting i'm just a sideblog from, with no evidence of her own), denying not only the account is her but also that everything she's accused is some elaborate plot to smear her just because Courtney just likes to abuse her so much. Courtney, the one who lost all contact with the family who definitely was not abusive to her, in a house where she definitely never felt unsafe, with a sibling who definitely never crossed any boundaries, and nobody even knew existed until recently.

that Courtney whose wild claims and lies about LO have been taken at face value by a self admitted child groomer who literally confessed to Brittany he only liked to stir the pot.

that's the difference between us saying that account could belong to LO and LO claiming that Courtney is the biggest abuser present in the room. for as circumstantial as they might be, there are valid reasons to believe that LO would be able to look at real children sexually and take satisfaction from it (the writing of stockholm and all it's subsequent pieces, but also the grooming of Ginger and Ink Rose while they were both minors, not to mention the defending incest between two minors for an entire video). are any of them a smoking fun, the one true evidence that proves without a doubt that LO would also be capable to actively be searching those images? no. but it doesn't sound impossible either considering that history. meanwhile LO just has claims with no basis at all that you really, really have to get creative to justify in the first place. i could write a whole novel just trying to make sense of LO's actions as a completely innocent person, but that's the issue: i shouldn't have to do that in order to believe a person. it shouldn't be this easy to see that something is very wrong with someone who claims they're entirely innocent.

lastly, and i say this just because LO is the one who cares about that angle, not me, where is your lawyer in all of this, LO? someone is accusing you of molesting them when you never even touched them! that someone had an impact on your channel and the views that it receives! it had a dent on your pristine reputation and will continue to have it as long we, all of us with a critical blog, keep talking about it! you keep denying the claims against you because nobody is "lawyering up". so i hope you don't mind that the same question is applied to you when you accuse other people of commiting crimes. in this case specifically, libel. you have been so insistent on that lawyer "reuniting evidence" and forming a case. it will be interesting to see if that ever pans out for you. keep me updated when it does.

[hazyhhoney]

Hiiii lovely 🥰 you emit so much kindness and clarity in all of your answers, especially on the topic of love and signs. It gives me hope!!!! I was wondering what you would say to someone (me lol) who was just dumped by someone i was really falling for. They told me they wanted to keep seeing me but that they would never fall in love and it wouldn’t turn into marriage…. despite us only having gone out for 3-4 months. :(

hello angel! thank you so much awe 🥺💓

you deserve so much more than that! truly.

releasing your attachment to people you’ve come to love is so hard, especially when it’s unrequited. it’s ok to feel sad, upset, confused and hurt even; 3-4 months is quite a bit of time to spend with a person. allow yourself this time to reflect on what the situation and the lessons you may have learned. did this person teach you anything? how did they make you feel when you were together? are they actually who you thought they were, or did you imagine (or project even) your fantasies on them, or just see them for their potential? being able to step away from this situation, reflect, let it go then to move forward and put all your efforts into your own growth and happiness is the best possible thing you can do for yourself. I sense that you are quite young. Is this someone you wholeheartedly believed that you would spend the rest of your life with? maybe! but to be real, that was probably infatuation. I know what it’s like to fantasize, and dream about what the future may be like. It’s healthy even! but when the reality doesn’t meet our expectations it’s time to step back and look at it from a different perspective. This is the universe redirecting you. I don’t know anything else about the relationship besides what you told me, yet my heart is telling me to let you know that this is a good thing for you. If someone is willing to be transparent enough and share that they don’t see things progressing; say thank you and move forward. Don’t do yourself the disservice of staying around or settling for less than what you want ok! if you can be friends with this person with no hard feelings or letting them cross your new boundaries, then good for you. Otherwise I’d suggest to let them go. Don’t give up on love alright? but absolutely take your time to invest in yourself and really learn about the kind of partner you’d like to attract, and the kind of partner you want to be. Don’t feel pressured that you have to be in a relationship to be deemed worthy of love or affection. Romanticize your life, deep dive into your hobbies, reach out to your friends, spend quality time in nature. Love will find you in many ways, you just have to be open to it.

Wishing you all the best, I know you will find your way🦋🤍

[jingyismom]

1. Ah, after reading those posts, I can see now that inumerous nuances were lost in the translation, specially the sex scene at the end of the novel. The translation I read indeed made me think that Lan Zhan was r*ping Wei Ying at some extent. He just seemed so agressive towards him, it got me surprised. In general, I don't have a problem with their sexual relationship or their kink at all (it has consent in the end) nor with whom enjoys it (I've read fanfic about it too and liked it).

The rest of your asks are under the cut anon!

Continuing discussion from this previous ask.

I totally get you anon, and yes, in real life, assault is assault the moment someone's wishes about their body are violated. You are totally correct, and again, your feelings are 100% valid. You're allowed to feel this way about that scene, and many other people do, too. I'm personally not a great fan of the way that scene characterizes either of them, and it's not a part of the canon I use in my head or in my writing, but I do understand that for some people it is essential/exciting/romantic.

I'm sure people have written about their personal feelings on that scene from a standpoint of enjoyment, and I'm sure that would be very interesting to read, but I regretfully don't have any links for you. All I can offer is my own view on Things In Media I Don't Understand And Don't Like. Again, forgive me if I'm just telling you things you already know.

The thing we just have to remember is: it's not for us. That scene, written that way, is not made for everyone on the planet to have to understand or enjoy. It was written for people who will enjoy it, because it's a work of fiction by one individual person with their own personal tastes - tastes which are, yes, again, also influenced by a culture different from yours or mine.

And it may be hard for you or me to understand, but fantasizing about a forceful stranger taking what they want from you, only to be revealed to be your one true love...that's a fantasy as old as time in, I think, any culture. People fantasize about dubiously consensual and non-consensual encounters all the time and they always have. Some people want to live out those fantasies in real life! I dearly, dearly hope they are able to find safe and sane ways in which to do this, because communities exist for this very purpose!

Obviously, these fantasies do sometimes get taken out of their context and turned into horrible things. But that is due to other difficult factors, not the existence of the fantasies themselves. That's a really important thing to keep in mind, for me.

I would argue that society romanticizing super tall size 0 models with lots of plastic surgery and filters is arguably more harmful to all of us than a handful of people with a non-con kissing fantasy. It may sound flippant to say that, but danmei novels simply don't have the reach or influence to cause people to commit real life physical assault on any kind of scale. Other societal and personal issues are at fault, for that. Lots of them, in complex ways I don't have the education or experience to unpack. In short: fiction/fandom/fantasy are not to blame for heinous real-life actions.

Again, I'm not minimizing your emotional reaction to the content, and I hope this isn't coming off as patronizing, because I totally get it.

But in fiction it is all down to a matter of personal enjoyment. There are a whole lot of kinks out there that I don't understand, and a whole lot of kinks I have that other people don't understand! Sometimes, when I see things out in the wild I'm unprepared for, it does confuse or upset me! This is why tagging works with content warnings is so very important.

So for me, what I find most comforting and healthy, is to curate my engagement with fandom such that I don't have to see the things I don't like. Fandom works best for ourselves and others when we operate with a "live and let live" attitude. We don't have to like or understand other kinks, and other people don't have to like or understand ours. We just have to take care of ourselves out here in the internet wilderness, and let other people do the same for themselves. For you, maybe that means blocking or muting people you see romanticizing the Phoenix Mountain kiss. Or if it's irl, maybe you let people know you're not comfortable talking about it.

Finding private spaces to vent, or friends to vent with, is also essential. Maybe you can find people who have also seen the same examples of people romanticizing it, and also hate it as much as you do, and you guys can be salty about it in DMs somewhere together. That's the ideal set-up, in my opinion! That way, you can have a safe place to air your grievances.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: fiction and personal fantasy are both things that we can't really judge other people's tastes in, no matter how incomprehensible they may seem. The best thing we can do is surround ourselves with the kind of content we DO want to see, and ignore the stuff we don't like, and expect the same courtesy in return from people with other likes and opinions.

I hope this all makes sense and doesn't come off as dismissive, anon. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to engage in discussion on this, and I'm very thankful for your willingness to help me understand where you're coming from. We're all just doing our best out here, and I sincerely hope you can find the space to enjoy the things you want to enjoy without being confronted with things that make you feel bad. ❤️

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 125 Poll Results

The chapter 125 poll closed with 1,469 responses. Thank you for your support! This month’s poll results were compiled by /u/alooulla,  /u/_Puppet_, @shifter-lines​ and @momtaku​.

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,387 RESPONSES

While still overwhelmingly positive, and slightly improved over Chapter 124, the “wow” factor still wasn’t there for many. Those selecting a perfect five was less than half of respondents (49.3%).

Transitions were unbelievably good, hardly noticed we were at 5 different scenes this chapter.

Not really hype like some chapters have been, but it was wonderful to see all the character and story development.

Created a number of different plot threads, but was not as satisfying as recent chapters

Everyone in this chapter (except Flock) deserves love

Good chapter, juggles lots of POVs excellently and opens up multiple opportunities for where the story may go. I love how desperate everything is.

Beats gonna drop soon

Jean honey if you push Floch out the hole in the wall everyone will swear it was an accident

  WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,421 RESPONSES

They only appeared on two pages, but “Levi and Hange are back” was the top pick out of a long list of options with nearly one-third (27.7%) selecting them. “Armin and Mikasa’s argument” secured second (14.3%) and “Annie and Hitch together” (12.6%) round out the top three.

LEVI AND HANGE ARE BACK! OMG!!!

I loved Annie's backstory, the conversation between Floch and Jean, the talk between AM, Shadis, mr Leonhart, literally everything.

I loved hearing Annie and Hitch talk, and the Levi and Hange situation finally got addressed :)

I'm so happy to see Levi and Hange, and so happy that they've run into Pieck and Magath. I hope they can reach some kind of truce and work together.

Floch is the Queen of Paradis confirmed.

Shadis once again made this chapter for me. What a great, deep speech. He is a true hero.♡

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER'S MVP? 1,416 RESPONSES

While denied the favorite moment, Annie was the favorite for chapter MVP with more than one-quarter of respondent (26.6%). Hitch, the other half of the girl power duo, made a strong showing (19.6%) for number two. Most shocking perhaps is that Hange (13.6%) squeaked out a narrow victory over Floch (12.6%) for third.

Annie is the best girl

Floch did nothing wrong

Hitch nipping at Historia's best girl-crown

HAAAAAAAAANGE

ANNIEEEEE A AAAAA AA A AA A A A A A A MY GIRL

Floch is such a crazy piece of shit, I love him, he's a great villain and I'm glad that Isayama added a character like that to the story. Also, funny with how he represents the rabid Eren stans, parroting the bs they keep saying ("we're free now reeeeeee").

S H A D I S  T H E  C H A D I S

Hange my queen how the hell did you save Levi, I wanna know!!

Hitch yeeting Annie made me scream, I love them together so much.

My babes Shadis and Magath are BACK!! 😍

So happy to see Hitch back. She is such a fun character and so underrated!

  THE CHAPTER OPENS WITH RESIDENTS OF STOHESS REACTING BOTH POSITIVELY AND NEGATIVELY TO EREN’S ACTIONS. WHICH EXPRESSION OF THE CROWD ARE YOU MOST SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS? 1,416 RESPONSES

The citizens of the walls are as divided as the fanbase over Eren’s actions.  36.7% are on the side that says the Eldians on the island would all be dead without Eren, while 34% respond with the fact that he’s responsible for many of their deaths himself.  25.1% don’t want to side with either faction.

“You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs”

Both are right and wrong at the same time…

Both sides are ignorant as to what is actually happening so it is difficult to gauge who actually feels what they do considering their limited knowledge but I'm edging towards the justification of it.

Eren has planned this all along, he knows there will be no true peace by doing the rumbling and has some kind of third goal

Even if the first expression is true (and no one can say if it is or not for sure) it doesn't make the belligerents right, or mean that Eren shouldn't be held accountable for his actions

Both sides are justified. Both sides reacted according to their personal views in response to an outside force they had no control of.  

I sympathize with both. One on hand, it seems as though the wall titans were the only effective retaliation the island had left, but on the other hand, Eren did kill many of his own people and aiming to wipe out the rest of the world is definitely pretty extreme for even Eren. That's why I think there's still a HUGE part of his plan that we haven't been made aware of yet.

There's no real right answer here. Obviously genocide is bad and no one can deny the fact that Eren killed his own people but, what other options were available in the limited time they had?

Whatever your thoughts on The Rumbling, Eren is being extremely reckless and it's going to backfire like crazy. Member when Erwin pulled off an almost-bloodless coup? I have a feeling Ereh is too preoccupied with thoughts of PATHS and FREEDOM to really consider the consequences of stuff like civilian casualties or letting a fascist cult take over the government.  

What the tic tac patty wack snick snack quarterback big mac heart attack race track double back guy named jack did he just do?

Sasageyo

  ANNIE BACKSTORY! WHAT DID YOU THINK? 1,420 RESPONSES

Annie’s finally back!  And she sure got a lot of page time, finally getting her chance to speak her story.  The majority thought seems to be that it was okay, at 60.3%, whereas 33.2% absolutely loved it, and 6.5% thought it was a waste of time.

Develops her character a bit but otherwise not too important

we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own?  Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis?

I'm just glad Annie's back

I really liked it and especially the Annie focus although I expected more from her justifications.

Don't care for her this late in the story tbh it's just a waste of pages

this chapter confirmed that Annie is the best character of SNK !

It was pretty much exactly what I expected, fairly boring and didn’t change my perception of her character at all

This puts so much context on the murders she committed back in the female titan arc and her personality in general. This is so great! Waited forever for this

I especially liked learning Annie's entire backstory, and her interactions with Hitch in this chapter were great.

Lil' Orphan Annie deserves more spinoffs. We need one about her awkward preteen years trying to fit in with the popular girls while continuously kicking them in half by accident.

MY GIRL ANNIE DESERVES MORE.

  AFTER CONSIDERING HER STORY, WHICH THOUGHT MOST CLOSELY MATCHES YOUR OWN? 1,410 RESPONSES

There sure was a lot to consider in all Annie said, and the two primary thoughts seem to be a feeling of tragedy that she never felt that anything mattered, and a hope that she’ll see her father again, at 23.7% and 22.6% respectively.  

Can't forget what she has caused, but glad she found meaning in life.

I hope she can find peace

I understand her reasoning, but her saying she'd do it all again hurt a lot.

Interesting plot point, but was it really necessary? Kinda felt like forced drama to add this "adoptive child" thing.

Is it wrong to wish for her happiness?

It may mirror Eren's motives. To her, nothing else matters except returning to her father, not even other people's lives. If Eren is intent on protecting his friends, then other lives wouldnt even matter.

It's interesting how seems similar she is to Reiner but how different they actually are. Annie is nihilistic and realistic because the lack of love, Reiner is idealistic and longing for love in a tragic way because he fantasize the love which doesn't exist

Annie has always been, in my opinion at least, one of the most honest characters, and I'm glad we can see that her core hasn't changed (but I’m so happy we can hear her talk and that we are finally getting some character development). Unlike Reiner and Bertolt, Annie never pretended to be friends with the Shinganshina trio, she never acted more nicely than she felt she should. She kept to herself and did what she knew she had to do. But this does not make Annie cold or resilient to atrocities; when she was manipulated by Reiner to take off Marco’s 3D maneuver gear, we can see she doesn’t do it easily and she does show remorse, in spite of everything. All of the SnK characters are tragic, some more than others, and for me, Annie is probably one of the most tragic ones. Adopted, trained to become a killing machine, completely alone with no one to really rely on once she joined the army, Annie goes towards her goal, stripping every bit of romanticism from the notions of peace, good vs bad governments, Marley, Eldia, humanity, etc. Annie does not fight, or pretend to fight, for the greater good; as perceptive as always, she sees the situation for what it is, just like she sees people for who they really are. I hope this brave young woman gets a happy ending with her dad.

  DO YOU FIND IT REASONABLE THAT ANNIE HAS BEEN SEMI-CONSCIOUS IN THE CRYSTAL ALL THIS TIME 1,411 RESPONSES

Hitch sure was surprised that Annie had actually been listening to her all that time, but the fandom wasn’t.  86.3% found it reasonable, but 10.7% still aren’t convinced it makes sense.

Considering we had Ms. Tyber being aware of her surroundings in her own crystal, looking back on that it's like "oh yeah that seems legit". Granted I'm sure Ms. Tyber had practiced the technic to use it in battle proficiently. But it doesn't seem too out there for Annie to be at least semi-conscious 

Honestly no. But this story has people transforming into giant monsters so I can't really complain.

I find hard to believe she is not crazy. Being unable to move in darkness for 4 years with only voices to keep her company is pretty brutal.

I'm wondering how her body condition is near to normal.

It reminds me of ymir being a mindless titan for 60 years

Wall titans also seemed to be semi conscious if I remember the original scene with eye movement and fear of light energizing them.

P A T H S

  ANNIE WAS COVERED WITH SOME SORT OF FLUID THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE EVAPORATING. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? 1,408 RESPONSES

We ended last chapter on Annie in a pool of this liquid, and this time we see Hitch follow it to where Annie is.  But… what is it?  66.2% think it has something to do with the crystal’s hardening, 15.2% DO NOT want that knowledge, and 11.6% think it’s a human bodily fluid.

A fluid to keep her alive (something like the lcl in evangelion)

Amniotic fluid is the warm, fluid cushion that protects and supports your baby as they grow in the womb.

a liquid that makes her body hibernate so she can stay alive

I think it's a weakened form of the hardening. Perhaps it was also this fluid around the creature in the well from Ymir's backstory.

If I recall correctly, some crystals do have water in the form of “hydrates” so in theory, the fluid in Annie’s crystal is what kept her alive by supplying nutrients and and water to her body. Because of this, the fluid may have possibly come from Annie’s Titan as it formed the crystal around her.

amniotic fluid - some unique property of the Female Titan

Tears of readers who waited too fucking long for Annie to break through

Armin juice

  WHERE DO YOU THINK HITCH AND ANNIE ARE HEADING? 1,408 RESPONSES

So many groups in so many places!  Where is this one going to end up?  A little over half, at 55.9% think they’ll run into another group before they get to a specific destination, about a quarter at 23.4% think Shiganshina, and 19.2% think the port.

Following the Colossal Titans

Honestly it was very reckless of hitch to let Annie go. If she causes more trouble for Paradis then what will she do

Based on them leaving Stohess in the same direction as the colossal titans it is likely they will pass through Trost. They will continue south towards Shiganshina and maybe the port but on the way they will likely run into Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath, or Connie, Falco, Armin and Gabi.

Kiyomi's plane

Marley, to Annie’s father

To Historia

  WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE STATE OF THE ELDIANS IN LIBERIO? 1,399 RESPONSES

We jump across the ocean, only to find Mr. Leonhart starting a rebellion in Liberio!  About half feel there’s going to be an absolute bloodbath, 32% are glad they’re finally rising up, 11% are focused on Mr. Leonhart being a badass, and 6.1% are scratching their heads as to how this is relevant.

I feel it's setting up for eldians in all internment zones rising up, although i don't know what significance that would hold if they're gonna be flattened like pancakes anyway

I'm actually glad because while I have still and always despised the Warriors, Annie's dad felt relatable to me, good to see non-powered, regular citizens rise up against the enemy

Isayama stop trying to be clever with names is there a single part of this series you haven't put thought into?

It is rather unsettling to see since it all seems to head towards a massacre although the reactions of the Eldians are understandable and sound.

It makes sense why they'd rise up: they know what's coming, and they just want to get to safety. After all, they should be spared from the Rumbling because of their race. As expected of the Marleyans though, they won't listen to the Liberio Eldians' current plea, and it will surely cost them (the Marleyans).

The Marleyans are comically dumb it's not even funny; I mean why would they orchestrate a revolt now

This was Eren's plan all along, he wants Eldians everywhere to rebel under the threat of the wall titans.

Why should we care about what happens to anyone outside the Walls? This scene was totally unnecessary.

Worldwide Eldian Rebellion I am excited

I'm worried about them! :(

  WILL MR. LEONHART SURVIVED THE SCUFFLE WITH THE GATE GUARD? 1,408 RESPONSES

A somewhat interesting split here; though most responders think there’s more to come with Annie’s father and being killed by the gate guard wouldn’t be the right way for him to go, especially with unfinished business with his daughter. The next highest response was ‘I am not sure’ followed by ‘No he won’t survive’ with a still respectable 24.7% of the vote. One to keep an eye on, here.

Weird that she wants to return home so much just because her dad was nice to her for a few minutes (he's been torturing her all her life).

It had some very much needed character development for A LOT of characters. I can't wait to see how certain plot points like Connie's mom and Annie's wish to see her dad will be resolved.

I saw some parallels between Mr. Leonhard vs. the guards and volunteers vs. Floch. Anarchy reigns; power struggles everywhere, yay! I want to see Mr. Leonhart leading a rebellion. I want to see Eldians all over the globe rising up and busting out of internment zones. Also - we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own?  Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis? Will it even matter if Ymir is freed from her sand slavery and refuses to transform any more titans? Still -- it's interesting that Annie was adopted, and I have to wonder if her lineage is important.  Final thought: I'm growing tired of Isayama sidelining people by having them unconscious/uncommunicative. I get why he may want to render some characters unable to affect the plot at certain points but 'unconscious' is his go-to and I'm losing patience with it. Okay, Historia got stuck with 'pregnant' but I lost patience with that ages ago. Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Speaking of Mr. Leonhart, he may be crippled and defeseless against the Marleyan guards, but at least he wasn't swayed by fatalism against his current government unlike Jean/Armin.

  WHAT DID YOU THINK OF KEITH’S ADVICE TO THE TRAINING CORPS MEMBERS? 1,394 RESPONSES

Instructor Shadis is still instructing, and 46.1% of you are still chanting SHADIS THE CHADIS.  23.5% loved his advice, 16.5% enjoyed the callback to being a bystander, and 12.1% wish he’d encouraged them to rise up.

Foreshadowing that they‘ll overthrow Eren and Floche.

He gives up too easily. I don't like this.

I'm glad he told them not to fight the Yeagerists but for the wrong reasons

Shadis doesn't want them to risk their lives, understandable, but giving Floch&Co time to gain even more power is not a good idea.

He's being smart and cautious because they've had enough losses for now

By far the best piece of advice he could have given them. Not is it only the most reasonable thing to do in the current situation, but it also goes to show how much Shadis values life and how well, thanks to his experience, he can see what the future might bring. When he thought fighting was a viable option, he wanted the trainees and soldiers alike to dedicate their hearts (and he dedicated his own as well), but now when he sees that they’re clearly getting overpowered and that any form of resistance would inevitably lead to death, he advises them to stay put, but not lose sight of themselves. That’s what a good leader/ elder/ parent does. Despite the fact that he failed as commander and that he was usually the only one to come back from his missions outside the walls, he shows that he has learned a lot and can strategize and draw the right moves. And it even reminded me of Levi, this desire to not waste lives. And Shadis is special, I just wish he’d realize that along with many others. Unfortunately, a very underrated character.

I am hyped to see these characters actually amount to something because of chadis!

A giant death flag.

  WAS ARMIN IN THE RIGHT TO RAISE HIS VOICE AT MIKASA? 1,402 RESPONSES

Armin has returned to being shell-shocked like he was in Shiganshina, and he took it out on Mikasa, but was he justified?  Just over half don’t think he was justified, but don’t blame him for snapping.  23.9% believe it was the right choice to try to make her more independent.  The last two options are tied at 10.3%, saying he was completely in the wrong, and the other saying he was justified in that Mikasa needs to focus on more than Eren.

Armin has been the one others rely for guidance, however at this point he seems stressed and probably over thinking (when he refers back to Erwin).

Armin just reached his breaking point. So much has happened in one day, and he needed to rant.

Asking ANYONE to stop thinking about Eren right now is pointless, let alone Mikasa. He was wrong, but stressed out.

Both. She needs to be encouraged to make her own decisions, but he didn't need to be mean about it. She has always been nice to him.

Feel like many are misunderstanding mikasa's comment about eren. He is the biggest concern so why shouldn't she mention him? Personally I don't think she was still in eren obsessed mode.

That's a complex question. Everyone is stressed right now, especially Armin, feeling guilty for being brought back and feels so much weight on his shoulder to be a leader so to say. So it reasonable for him to yell and it might spark something in Mikasa as well.

Armin needs a nap, a warm bath, and a foot rub.

  WILL MIKASA START ‘THINKING FOR HERSELF’ NOW, AS ARMIN SUGGESTED? 1,395 RESPONSES

Mikasa’s character development is being pushed to its tipping point now, will Armin’s words make her start thinking for herself?  The majority, at 56.3% think that leadership isn’t her style, but she’ll step up and support what she feels is right.  18.6% feel that she’s already made the step into thinking for herself, and the last two options are split at 11.3% between a full ‘yes she’ll finally step up’, and a full ‘she’s always thought for herself.’

Armin: think for yourself! Mikasa: Where is my scarf?

Hopefully, I want to see more independence. Assertive and confident in her actions.

I don't know if she'll able to think for herself. maybe she will do something, but I guess whatever she will do on her own, I don't want to expect much from her. Anyway I have the feeling that Mikasa's own decision could be that she accepts Kiyomi's offer and leaves Paradis because the whole situation is obviously killing her.

I hope Isayama has something special planned for Mikasa's development

Mikasa has always thought for herself. She’s never been a leader, but she’s always followed her own hearts desires. Nobody knows what to do and for once it was actually reasonable for her to ask about eren, given what he’s about to do to the world.

Mikasa isn't wrong to look to Armin for leadership, but when she brings up the elephant in the room, he flies off the handle at her. But ultimately, I think that Armin is right. She'll have to make decisions based off her own judgement and I'm excited for it.

I kinda doubt that. She went to Jean, because Armin told her so and I don't think that she would do anything in the situation between Jean, Floch and the Volunteers. If she would be able someday to make her own decision, I'll think that could be to do with Kiyomi's offer to go on one of her ships, but we will see.

I think she will be an impromptu leader, similarly to what she did at Trost after eren got eaten by the santa titan

Mikasa did nothing wrong, she tried to take advice instead to run somewhere else like Connie or give up like Jean.

Yes she’ll become more independent. I think itll lead to “see u later eren”

  AT THIS POINT, ARMIN STILL THINKS ERWIN WAS A BETTER CHOICE TO REVIVE. DO YOU? 1,391 RESPONSES

The question of whether Armin or Erwin should have been revived in Shiganshina proves to be one of the most contentious issues in the series, nearly on par with when we asked you guys what you think of Eren’s (stated) plan. 52.2% of you are Team Erwin, and 47.8% are Team Armin. Regrettably, I can’t make a good joke out of either of those numbers.

I've said it before, but I think Armin was the best person to revive from a story telling point of view. Erwin was the better leader, no doubts there, but it is the lack of him that has pushed all these other characters to develop more. I believe the relationships between characters and the characters themselves would've remained more static if he had still been there. So therefore, Armin was the right choice

Erwin wouldn't have let any of this happen

  WHO TOOK THE SCARF? 1,403 RESPONSES

There could only ever be one winner of this question; given the girls fandom of Eren in general and Mikasa in particular, 72.5% of you picked Louise as the scarf thief, particularly since she knew it was there and gave it a look after Mikasa left. The next highest answer was Eren having sent someone to retrieve it, at 13.8%, followed by ‘someone else at 9.1%, with Floch and Jean respectively taking up other minor answers. I look forward to the questions in the future of why the scarf was taken, and how will it affect the story?

Oh, and Louise definitely has the scarf. I think there will be a confrontation over it and Mikasa will Realise Things, so that's cool.

Louise totally stole that scarf.

  WHICH NAME IS BETTER? 1,395 RESPONSES

808 of 1,395 of you came out to represent Gabi Gang, while the remaining 587 of you like Mia better. Mia Myriad? Eh. Mia Myriad’s weird. I like Gabi Gang better.

  WHAT'S UP WITH JEAN WHEN FLOCH IS TALKING TO HIM? 1,399 RESPONSES

Floch tells Jean he can finally have the life he always wanted, what was Jean feeling at that moment?  40.5% think he was just totally shell-shocked, 30.4% think he;s faking weakness for a plan, 16.4% think he had an epiphany about Eren based on what Floch said, and 10.7% believe him to be considering what Floch has to say.

Definitely debating whether or not to kick his head in-- once he's decided I think he'll pounce

he has been asking over and over for how long they would have to keep fighting. So Floch telling him is over has a great effect on him. Although he will chose to keep fighting.

He is bothered that the Yeagerists consider him a “hero”

He is in disbelief over how AWFUL Floch is and once his brain processes it he will snap and punch the bastard in the face

He's both in shell shock and trying to fake weakness.

I think he's coming up with some sort of plan to finally rid the world of Floch.

Jean looks so tired in these panels, as in physically tired and mentally. He probably wants this all to be over, and Floch is giving him a way out. But Jean has come too far to give up, I think, so I hope he turns his brain back on.

  ARE THE ROCKS THAT GO MISSING WHEN FLOCH TURNS HIS HEAD AN ARTISTIC OVERSIGHT OR DOES IT HAVE FUTURE SIGNIFICANCE? 1,406 RESPONSES

THE ROCKS ARE GONE.  About half of the fandom, at 46.2% are pretty sure Jean pocketed them to use as a weapon.  29.7% did not notice the disappearance, and 24.2% think it’s just Isayama overlooking an inconsistency.

Bitch boutta throw some rocks

I hope Jean can something do too otherwise the Volunteers would get forced to fight for Eren and to help him destroying their own motherlands (oof) or get killed. I hope the theory about the pocket rocks get relevant and true in the next chapters

Floch be a bitch with a nest boutta get moulded by rocks

Getting ready to bash floch

there was a gun next to him and then it was gone. The boy boutta blooooow

  FLOCH CLAIMS THAT EREN TOLD HIM THE ENTIRE PLAN. IS HE TELLING THE TRUTH? 1,399 RESPONSES

Eren doesn’t seem to have confided his plan in anyone, but Floch says otherwise.  60% confess Eren likely told him a fair bit, but not everything, 32.9% think Floch’s just BSing his way through things to look better, and 5.6% truly believe Eren told Floch everything.

Eren is the only one who knows his true plan, anyone that claims to know what Eren is doing was just a pawn that Eren used.

Eren probably forgot who Floch even is

Considering how Eren is acting now, I fear he did tell him everything after seeing his extremism.

Floch believes Eren told him everything, but he probably didn't.

floch is an arrogant bitch who thinks eren and him are best buds

I mean, the plan so far seems to be 'let's retrieve Zeke, overthrow the government and unleash the Rumbling', so why won't he tell Floch all of it? He seems to be fully on board. If there is more to the plan, then Floch doesn't know it.

I'm still not sure how much of Eren's betrayal of Zeke he was in on, but I'm damn sure Eren didn't task him with any 'removing internal resentment' job.

Jean knows he has more of Eren's trust than Floch does. From this, Jean figured out either Floch is lying for his own gains, or is being used by Eren.

Floch is just a dumbass and Eren is using him to get the necessary pieces into place without him doing it all himself

Something tells me Floch actually just overheard Yelena talking with Eren about Zeke's plan during the railway opening ceremony. I could've sworn that in the chapter Floch mentioned that he "heard" Eren's plan, and the way he uses that word gives me the impression he only listened to parts of what Yelena told Eren without knowing what Eren's ulterior motive was when learning Zeke's plan.

That’s certainly what he *thinks*

Eren is manipulating Floch's ass six ways to sunday and I'm here for it

  WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE THE ONE TO TAKE DOWN FLOCH? 1,398 RESPONSES

From previous polls, Floch seems like a popular choice to die next, but who would do it?  Nearly ¾ of that fandom believe Jean will end him, though 6.5% don’t believe Floch’s dying anytime soon.  Eren, Mikasa, Shadis, and Yelena were other popular options.

Could be anyone at this point, really. Would be cool if it was just some random volunteer and the death would be meaningless.

Better not be anyone, Floch is making way more sense than Armin

Armin

I hope no one does, he's the most entertaining character at the moment

I really hope all of the above and I hope it'll be a gruesome death.

King Floch is the father and will outlive the rest of the 104th.

Let him be squashed under a Titan foot, pls

Me

Nobody, Floch will be the only survivor of the rumbling

HISTORIA! QUEEN!!!! How is the rightful ruler of Eldia not a choice here?!

I hope he doesn't die at least next chapter, because him dying is too predictable. But if he does it should be Jean.

I HOPE IT'S EITHER LEVI OR HANGE. But I think it's probably going to be Jean.

I think floch is going to have an utterlessly meaningless death. Just to show the irony that surviving that day didn't change shit.

I think since he survived on pure luck and destiny up until now, I could imagine his death will be more by accident or by unfortunate circumstance then someone else succeeding to kill him

SHADIS THE CHADIS no but actually probably Yelena or Mikasa.

The 109th Recruits

Onyankopon, Jean and Mikasa, I hope.

Who knows. Hope he dies.

ZEKE JAEGER

Isayama

It'll be a team effort

  CONNIE AND FALCO ARE EN ROUTE TO RAGAKO. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE OUTCOME WILL BE? 1,398 RESPONSES

Bets for the Return to Ragako arc are placed, and the majority (~43%) of you think that the overwhelming scent of cinnamon wafting from Falco will entice Connie to spare him. Not far behind, with 30.5% of the votes, is the prediction that Armin and Gabi will swoop in and save the day. The next most popular option was Falco feeling the sudden urge to die for Reiner, causing him to transform and escape. Following that was Falco realizing his predicament without getting his memories back, and after that, a very small amount of you guys (18), think Falco’s gonna get chomped.

Connie finna die

I can't think of how bringing back Connies mom will save Reiners life, so it won't happen.

Is it weird that I think Connie's mom has already turned back to human?

  WHICH UNLIKELY TEAM-UP IS THE MOST EXCITING? 1,391 RESPONSES

An overwhelming majority of you guys are most excited to see the Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi squad team up, while the distant runner-up is Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. I can’t imagine why Connie/Falco got the least votes here.

  WHICH TEAM, IF ANY, DO YOU THINK WILL MEET WITH HISTORIA? 1,384 RESPONSES

With a 31.6% majority, the… quad...duo… quaduo? That’s definitely not a word but it should be, technical definition pending. What I’m trying to say is that Team Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi got the most votes for “Who’s going to meet up with Historia?” Following that was… uh, nobody. As in the next most common answer is “nobody”. You guys are not making this write-up easy for me. After that was Team Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. The graph is proportional enough that you can see all the percentages, so that’s cool.

Historia is the key to ending this story and getting all the context we need. Which means we probably won’t see her again for awhile.

  SLEEPING THROUGH THE APOCALYPSE. WHO DID IT BETTER? 1,399 RESPONSES

We didn’t ask for a reason behind this selection, but Reiner’s rather ill-timed cozy cottage snooze (58.5%) trounced Levi’s “return of the mummy” slumber (41.5%). Maybe it was the appeal of the fruit and snacks?

  DO YOU THINK LEVI WILL BE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE UPCOMING BATTLE? 1,400 RESPONSES

Nearly 60% of you think Levi will recover enough to encourage the others to fight, 20% think he’ll recover enough to fight, and 15.3% think he’ll be unconscious for awhile. The white space on the graph is what happens when there are too many single-voter responses, but we can read them behind the scenes, and one of them suggested that we’re about to learn how titan serum affects Ackermans, and I just want to say that I appreciate your devotion to Titan Science™, anon.

TITAN LEVI INC

Crack theory: he‘ll eat Zeke after Zeke offers himself up because he lost his will to live. So yes, he‘ll be fully healed and badass again.

He is going to become a shifter by eating Zeke with the cooperation of Pieck/Magath, fulfilling his promise to Erwin.

He won't be recovering but he'll fight all the same, with his teeth if necessary

He'll recover enough to make one last heroic action before dying

I don't really know. I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

i don’t want him to participate. i just want him alive

I think that Levi will not be able to fight, but he'll be awake, and I'd like to him take on a mentorship role. I would love to see him make a full recovery by the time the manga concludes.

Some unforeseen magic will happen

  HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE RUMBLING? 1,385 RESPONSES

The destruction on the ground, Floch’s reign of terror, and the 104th’s horror at what’s unfolding seems to have shaken some in the fandom with one quarter of respondents indicating that their support has lessened somewhat (20.6%) or significantly (5.7%). The remaining 75% are staying the course with close to 40% completely opposed to the rumbling and 35% in full support of it.

  HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT EREN? 1,387 RESPONSES

The responses here are about what we might expect; a fairly even split between those who support Eren fully (or at least think he’s got some mysterious ace up his sleeve) and those that do not support him/are losing faith in him. Interestingly, the smallest response was from those who have lost a significant amount of faith in Eren, indicating the battle lines are still drawn at this point.

Eren did nothing wrong

Eren Yeager is GOD! Bow Down!

We're left in the dark of what Eren is really planning and so I can't judge this consequence too much. It is very extreme and I'm skeptical of it all.

Another aspect of the continual violence and really justifies Eren's position.

The inner fighting among themselves is going to get worse and they all will turn on Eren.

They should support eren, and the yeagerists, not plan to overthrow them

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

I hope that among his friends there are on the eren side, eren's decision was correct, although it was too cruel, but it was all for the people he loved. why his friends no one sided eren , I'm sad to think about it.

I love eren but :(

  AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO YOU EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,406 RESPONSES

As much as I hate to think about the end of the manga, and the subsequent never-ending feud over the serum bowl and the Rumbling, we’re bound to become the next NGE at some point. It can’t be stopped. The majority, at 45.7%, think we have until around Chapter 134, which gives us about nine more months. Following that, 30.2%, think we have until Chapter 138, which gives us more than a year. A lesser but still significant quantity of votes say we have until Chapter 142+, and I feel a little bit like the Vince McMahon meme typing this. You know the one. Lastly, 8.7% of you think there are only 5 chapters left. Why anyone would even entertain such an idea is beyond me.

  WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,409 RESPONSES

Wow! A huge split of opinion here regarding hopes for next chapter, as might be expected; but out in front with 27.8% of the vote is a wish to see more Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath; no doubt because we haven’t seen them for a while. Coming up in second place is Jean and Mikasa, with a number of fans hoping they will fight back against Floch. And of course, third place is the everpresent wish to see Historia once more. What on Earth is she up to???

Historia hopefully

A solid chapter with a lot of great character development. Who wants to bet that Connie and Falco are going to run into Historia at Ragako?

Give me Historia

Jean has an epiphany about himself and Eren's actions (since Floch is Eren's fanboy, like Jean was to a certain degree))

Jean and Floch will fight!

If Floch doesn't make Jean react, I don't know who else will. Their relationship has always been complex, so it would be beautiful to see Jean killing him. But as long as it's not a Jaeger, I'll be fine.

I can’t help but feel that there was something odd about the way Hange spoke about Levi to Magath and Pieck. “Rest assured, he’s just a harmless man who failed to die”. Harmless? Levi? Really? And Hange doesn’t speak like that, so to me this looks like strategizing and covering something up. I don’t think Levi is 100% okay, far from, but I don’t think he’s on the verge of death. And even if Levi will physically be unable to fight, he still isn’t harmless. He wasn’t dubbed Humanity’s Strongest only for his physical strength; Levi is smart, he’s an excellent leader, he’s compassionate and experienced. So, even if we don’t see him engage in fights as a soldier, I believe we will get to see him devise plans and strategies, negotiate, etc. After all, we still don’t know what the Ackermans are capable of. We know they have superhuman strength, so I believe we’re all in for a surprise (or not so much of a surprise) when it comes to Levi. He’s played an enormous part in the story already, but his story isn’t over. Best boi love him yes.

I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

All aboard the ship! Ms. HanjiXMagath is setting sail! (???)

HISTORIA BACKSTORY, OR I WILL END THIS WORLD

  WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,328 RESPONSES

Reddit continues to dominate the responses to this question, and this month there were literally more people who don’t discuss the series than people who discuss it on Tumblr. A direct consequence of banning Titan-presenting nipples, surely. Lastly, something ominous is going on in the Snapchat cult, because there were only two of you this month, down from five last month. That’s still enough to reproduce though and it makes me uneasy. Regardless of where or whether you discuss the series though, we appreciate all of you guys’ participation in the poll. We literally couldn’t do it without you!

  ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

hE dID nOtHing wrOnG

I mean it's not like Eren could be like "wait while you're breaking out of the wall, can ya be clean about it?" but also....yeahhhhh umm I'm not positive that Eren cares for the majority of Paradisians

Petra's death still burns... Yet I can't really hate Annie.

[Annie’s] story kinda looks like a copypasta of Zeke's but I'm glad it's established she doesn't care for her grand goal and would sacrifice everything to achieve hers if it needs to be brought again

I feel for the wall Titans, they've been conscious for the last century, just chilling there.

Isayama couldn't have made the parallel between Annie and Eren any more blatant if he tried.

I don't know why people are so surprised with Eren being in cahoots with Floch. He is already killing billions to secure peace for Paradis, installing an authoritarian government for the same reason is not unlike him. He already said, he is going to take the freedom from people if they threaten his even innocents.

0/10 no Reiner. jk, the chapter may not have "action" per se, but i love the focus on how the rumbling affects all the characters, including the eldians in the camps. also, all the pairings are really interesting. i hope the HLMP combo leads to good things for the future. i wonder if Armin & Gabi'll talk, and whether she'll learn that he is the Colossus titan, or if she'll catch onto Reiner's great familiarity with these people…

another average chapter in SNK standards (awesome in manga standards)

Another set-up chapter - would be good to see some major events occur to keep the momentum going. Also want Eren/Zeke POVs

After 10 months of wondering where Levi was and if he was alive, i fully sympathise with Annie stans, who had to wait the better part of a decade. But I'm glad to know Levi's alive for now.

Seeing almost everyone other than the Jeager brothers was so damn fresh. Now everyone's gotta work together to stop the total downer ending.

Felt like this a needed chapter to see where all the characters’ directions are headed. Whether we see more compromise or more tension between characters. It creates more anticipation and excitement for what’s to become of Eren and his plan.

Isayama been sleepin on some important characters 💤

Very interesting seeing so many different perspectives, if only we could get Historia some day

Great chapter. But if hange teams up with Pieck and Magath I am going to be very disappointed. They have no reason to rely on the the people who have been trying to exterminate them for years. I get they need to stop eren but they cant let forget the atrocities Marley has done to them. Regroup with the rest and figure out another goddman way.

A very interesting chapter. I fully expect an emotional outburst from Mikasa any time now. Maybe directed at Eren himself.

aaahh I just want Zeke

Give me Eren

Give me Historia

How the hell will Isayama cover all these separated smol groups in only 12 chapters??? Can he rly end the manga this year cos I have doubts!

All pieces are on the move, time to wrap things up, Isayama-sensei! Though I don't see any way to stop Eren, unless they maybe use Historia and her royal blood? Can't wait to see how Isayama will solve all of this.

I love the setting of the rumbling as a slow moving mass of dust and meat that we’re all powerless to stop. I love how we’ve seen it from the perspective of people on the receiving end of the destruction, from people that support it and most of all, people who would never support it but are still benefiting from it. Regardless, none of them could stop even if they wanted too. It makes the issue seem so much more real.

Annie is pretty much like Eren right now, knowingly doing terrible things for the people they care about, both have accepted the cruelty of the world and acted accordingly and is not like the world has given them reasons to think otherwise. But this mentality has only brought pain and suffering around them and to themselves, I hope in the end she changes her outlook in life and finally goes against the "current"  of the way things are as she described and do the right thing.

Annie needs to get Armins head out of his ass. Floch was executing people next to his friends and he just runs off wtf

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

Armin did nothing wrong. I've seen people complaining about he "yelling with waifu" and even comparing with Eren, even tho what Eren did was totally intentional, while Armin wasn't he didn't mean to hurt her, he snapped under stress, but when he saw he hurt her he regretted so much that even brought Erwin to the picture. But apparently his feeling and emotions are nothing compared with Mikasa's...

Armin made the right choice to go after Falco. His strategy is to ally with the Warriors and Marley. His tactic is to use Falco as barter. It is the best move he can make with the situation as it is. If he succeeds he gains Connie back in the fold, Falco, Gabi, Reiner, Pieck, and Magath. This type of quality help will raise morale and lessen the pressure that everyone feels. Hopefully they work as a team and communicate with each other. Don’t be like Eren who has no fog of war because he knows how it ends and, yet, doesn’t tell anybody about it.

As long as the rest of the world is unwilling to negotiate peacefully I’m not sure what other options were on the table. Obviously eren’s actions are irredeemable, but I feel that he’ll have the same sentiment Annie expressed: if this is the only way his friends make it out alive then he’d choose this path every time. I don’t think all of the blame is on eren(though he is still responsible for his own actions). Every side played a role in this and it should have never come to this to begin with.

I really appreciated the scenes with Armin, Mikasa, and Jean. The rumbling is a world-changing/ reality altering event and Armin said as much, but I'm really hoping these three can manage to salvage some peace for themselves despite the chaos.I think Eren has already accepted his own mortality re: the Curse of Ymir and has fully resigned himself to doing whatever he deems necessary for Paradis, I'm interested to see his end. I also enjoyed seeing Levi and Hange, I never doubted their survival; it also might be a further indication that Floch is BS'ing his way with his power grab when he said that they were killed...This series is excellent.

Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Can't wait to see Jean snap at Floch

It was great but isayama please let us see eren...

I just really hope Connie doesn't die but I'm not feeling too optimistic... I can't believe Annie's back and I'm really looking forward to whatever her and Hitch do next.

The reaction to the Armin and Mikasa scene initially drove me up the wall, because people's readings of Mikasa are just so fucking bad--she's literally right??? LMAO. Mikasa and the 104th have always followed Armin's guidance, so she isn't even wrong when she asks how to make herself useful. But the reaction to her question about Eren is just...

Levi surviving the thunderspear was bullshit. Hopefully he stays permanently injured and not overpowered again. Isayama give us Historia please. I hope we get to see my baby Reiner wake up next chapter. I wish that Reiner and Annie meet again please

I got emotional when Falco was starting to "remember" Connie. While Sasha's scenes after her death could have been written better, every time I see a Ymir reference, something interesting happens. We need to remember best girl, and finally we get to see that Connie was an important comrade of hers.

I hope Connie makes the right choices, my boy has suffered enough!

It somehow gave positive vibes despite the apocalyptic setting, and I was extremely happy we got to see almost everyone again.

I want to see more about what happened to Ymir Fritz after she gained her freedom.

I'm glad Levi is ok but i gotta know: how is he able to breathe when HIS ENTIRE FACE HAS BEEN BANDAGED UP

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiiiiiiiiine

Lame ass chapter, everything feels pointless and forced and the ambiguity and moral grayness of the story is gone.

Levi has to give meaning to those deaths. It's what will give peace to his heart. He deserves to fight one last time.

mikasa let me hug you and protect you

Can we agree Keith is badass? He advised trainees to not lose themselves despite the government. It's such a stark contrast with Floch in this chapter. He was so traumatized by his first mission as a SC, losing his comrades, watching them die meaningless deaths and seeing the SC fighting over who should be lived other than the commander. As he shot that voluteer he made it clear he casted his values aside for survival. In the end he learned they were just as meaningless as Marlowe's death.

More Yelena pls

This chapter was a lot of scenes I had been waiting for put together. We had Annie and Hitch interaction, an update on Connie and Falco, Gabi and Armin now heading their way, and Levi and Hange are finally back. Now all we need is Historia. The wait for her stopped being funny a LONG time ago...Actually scratch that, it wasn't funny to begin with. 😒

Levi is alive bitches

Really glad it's not all wrapping up with Eren activating the rumbling. Seeing how everyone is handling the chaos has been incredible. I was telling my friends that I honestly don't think the final battle will be against Eren. It's just everyone versus the pure chaos of the situation. I don't see Eren getting beat

The EMA trio was never my favorite, but it still kinda hurt to see them all split up.

The Erwin references were amazing!! Both in the manga and the end text!!

With all these relatively slow-paced, character-driven chapters recently, it seems as if the ending will be very rushed. I have faith in Isayama’s writing skills, but I just hope he will be able to pull off an ending that will do justice to all these wonderful characters he has built up, while rounding out the plot in a satisfying way. This story, in my opinion, is a masterpiece so far - and an ending could either make or break it at this point. Either way, I look forward to seeing the coming chapters very much.

Where is Kiyomi ? (2nd edition)

[dgcatanisiri]

You know, I have emotionally yo-yoed back and forth with the long standing unresolved Feelings surrounding my big high school crush, who, due to Life Circumstances, I emotionally leaned on enough in the period right after high school that he has lingered in my mind since, even after more than a decade since I even saw him in person.

Today I was thinking about if I ever did end up running into him in person, and the words and feelings were to come pouring out. And as I was thinking over that scenario, I was just “...God, there’s not a way to truly make telling a guy you knew almost half your life ago that you were in love with an image of him for years sound anything other than pathetic.”

Which, sure, is self-deprecating and all, but I think it is an important growth and acknowledgement moment for me - it’s not, for example, fantasizing over the idea of running into him, almost twice as old as we were the last time I saw him, and him declaring “why didn’t you say so sooner, I love you too” or anything ridiculously over-romanticized like that. It’s an acknowledgement of the reality that this never happened and never will. 

Even if the fantasy may still wear his face, I am actually reaching a point where I not just recognize it as a fantasy, I recognize it as a fantasy that can’t exist in reality. 

Sure, it’s taken a long time to get to this point, with more than a little backsliding over the years, but I’m gonna chalk up a chunk of that both to aforementioned Life Circumstances being what they have been and good old fashioned Gay Pining™ for a high school experience that would have allowed me to have a boyfriend in my teenage years and not feel at least a decade behind all my straight peers in terms of life development, and overall acknowledge it as a win.

[androgynousblackbox]

Did you see the "105 Critical Issues in Fiction vs Reality Fandom" article on medium?

I am right now and for one hot diggly second I thought it could be good, but it’s just purity nonsense. They spend a lot of time talking about “trust”, but why the fuck should you trust any stranger online, even if they are a survivor? You shouldn’t trust anyone online, fucking period. And even if you don’t trust them, that doesn’t mean you get to treat them as if they were an abuser or a predator just because of their fanfic, fuck damn it. Like... it’s the implication there that the people who do not disclose that are survivors, or does it but don’t act in a way that is acceptable, therefore is doubtful, should be suspected of... what? Being awful people who get off on the pain of others? Literally making a bunch of fucking takes all antis have come out before. “If you create violent media then you are coping badly and I know that as a fucking stranger online”, “If you like violent fiction then I am entitled to think you are a violent person”. This: +Saying we can’t compare mass media to fandom media because it doesn’t have the same reach so it cannot have the same impact. Then arguing that such fandom works have had a massive impact on survivors as a coping mechanism, and therefore it would be detrimental to the community if we deem poorly-framed abuse in fiction unacceptable. We praise fandom’s reach when it comes to women and girls, the LGBT community, and marginalized youth. It’s suspect to downplay that when discussing the potential for harm. Besides, fandom antis have the same reach as other subsets of fandom. If you say we can potentially cause profound harm, so can you. If you say we can derive from powerful axes of oppression like puritanical Christianity, sexism, the far-right, and radical feminism, then you can also derive from oppression. If you say we can proliferate oppression in fandom spaces, so can you. Boop. It’s so completely missing the mark that is amazing. Properly tagged works with it’s apropiate warnings can never, ever, be compared with antis explicitely going out of their way to cause harm to people they deem dangerous. You cannot fucking compare someone publishing a fanfic  of Baku getting tortured, with all the right tags and warning, even keeping it outside of the usual tags for fandom, with a entire community calling them a predator, abuser, pedophile and going directly to them to suicide bait them. You fucking cannot talk to me about the way antis are harmful and then fucking ignore HOW they are harmful, WHY we compare them with conservative cristians, radfems and other groups and HOW this impact the most vulnerable people on fandom... which happen to be the majority of people in fandom, unlike fucking mainstream media. Holy FUCK, how the fuck do you manage to be so clueless. Like this person seem to be under the impression that antis just have opinions and people are mad purely because of that? Which really fucking show how completely out of touch they are about the actual state of the discourse or, arguably worse than that, they have convinced themselves that the people acting on such deplorable way are not really antis. They are just some random fucking assholes passing by and throwing some freak slur around for fun, using ships merely as an excuse. Not like them, who are the antis who truly do care, unlike everyone else who is too busy being nasty. +Saying romanticized and fetishized abuse in fiction can’t be tied to reality because they’re fantasies, then demonizing survivors for not wanting their trauma to be turned into a fantasy. Saying this sentiment is anti-survivor. 1. Literally who is forcing survivors to watch that content. Content simply existing on the universe does not force you to watch it. Stop pretending otherwise. 2. It kinda is because survivors and other people fantasize about things that makes them scared on a way to make themselves less scared of it. That is a thing. You are helping literally no one pretending is not. And fuck off with that “but coping can be self harm” because you know got digly fuck about the psychology of complete strangers online and pressume you do is actively harmful. Having a bunch of strangers gaslighting the shit out of you into thinking what you are doing is harmful, even if it literally isn’t, is harmful and can cause a lot more distress that if they never did that. +Saying poorly-framed abuse in fiction is fine because it doesn’t hurt anyone, then victim-blaming survivors when they explain how it was used to groom them so you don’t have to acknowledge this fiction has hurt people. People hurt people, not fiction. Fiction didn’t grab anyone and forced them to do shit. Stop fucking shifting responsability away from actual abusers. Just stop. Stop giving abusers an excuse. Stop. I could go on, but sincerely fuck it. I am not going to read 105 fucking ways in which the writer thinks bad people can be determined by the fiction that they like. Fuck all of that.

[silver-tangent]

So it’s national coming out day, and I know I’ve been upfront with all of you, but I’d like to share my identity and journey with you guys again in hopes that maybe it will be helpful to others:

I am genderfluid and still bi-questioning. I personally identify as a lesbian.

But like I said I’m still bi-questioning. Still... and I’m turning 26 in 2 weeks. And that’s okay. It’s okay to still be questioning. It’s okay to me if I never have an answer... there’s no time limit for figuring yourself out.

I didn’t realize I was genderfluid until I was 23. I had never even heard of it...

Honestly, I’ve always fantasized about being a girl and had episodes of horrible dysphoria with my body. I had intrusive thoughts of self harm that you guys don’t need to hear.

Sometimes I still wonder if I was a trans girl. If I would have transitioned if not for trauma. Part of the reason it took me so long to accept that I was genderqueer and bi-questioning was because of abuse.

I went to a really shitty school with shitty people. They all assumed I was gay, and would use transphobic speech to verbally abuse me. They would call me a girl and a sissy, and it caused me to reject femininity a lot. It was horrible. I wanted to be straight and cisgendered because I felt like that was a way to rebel against them.

I spent 16 years thinking I was cishet, and that i had to prove it... but even in those 16 years I would tell my friends I wanted to be a girl and love girls.

Even when I thought that all trans people had to love the opposite gender, which I realize I was wrong about, I wanted to be a girl and love girls.

I always wanted to be WLW. I always admired and romanticized WLW. I ALWAYS romanticized WLW. And it was romanticization not fetishization. I know it... because in my mind I wanted to be WLW.

But the other side of it is that I told them, and I told my mom, and I told most people I opened up to... if I was born a girl, I would still love girls... except I would fantasize about being a boy. I would probably still be trans in some way, and I didn’t get it.

I was comfortable, and that’s something a lot of trans women and trans men can’t do. I love my voice. I love aspects of my body. There are things I didn’t want to change, and if I was going to change then I wanted to change all the way... instead I preferred to be androgynous. Hide my beard, embrace my femininity, grow out my hair... make it so I could be whichever I wanted any time. And there were days, there still are days, where I loved being a guy. I love being masculine...

I just stray towards the middle, I always have. If I go away from the middle I want to be able to go all the way. I can’t grow a beard, and I can’t grow boobs.

Imagine a meter with 0 in the middle and 100 on either side... I like being at 0... I like being at 10... but on the masculine side, the stages where I’m dysphoric are from 25-75... and on the feminine the stages where I would be dysphoric are from 90-100... If I’m going to be masculine I want to be 100 or 10... and I can’t reach 100. If I’m going to be feminine I want to be 10-90... and I can’t reach 90.

(Now that meter is just for me. It’s just a simple graph that works to visualize how I feel. In reality there could be a 0-100 or 50-50 inside of the place I set 0. For others there could be no meter at all.)

I love being a guy. I want to stay a guy... it’s just that inside I’ve always felt more comfortable, more synchronized with this idea of being a girl.

It’s always felt like a case of “the grass is greener.” And I’ve always felt like I would feel that way even if I changed... but maybe one day I will. I don’t know. I like the girl inside so much more, so much more often... it’s just that I like the guy inside too. I’d miss him as much as I miss her.

That’s just who I am, and it’s always so hard to explain it. My parents love me. They’d support me. My dad knows... he knows most of it... he’ll read this...

I only hid it from them because I had never met another non-binary until I was an adult... I never knew these feelings were valid until I was 23 years old... but they are... and yours are...

We love you... and you don’t NEED to come out to anyone you don’t want to just because it’s coming out day. You don’t need to come out to anyone ever if you don’t want. Just try to come out to yourself, and love yourself. I’ll be here. We’ll be here... it will be okay.

Say what you need. Do what you need. Be who you are.

Happy coming out day.

[bloodinacake]

Note: Do not attack or send any hate towards the people I interview. Let's begin with @darlingcalvin who let me interview them!

Question One: How did you find out about Columbine?

DC: I guess it's just something I've always kind of known about. I'd hear all about it when I was younger, but I never really understood it's significance until i reached intermediate school. There was more emphasis on school shootings and our teacher had to prepare us in the event of that happening. Through there, I learned more about Columbine, Sandy Hook, and other infamous school shootings in detail, as it was something that fascinated me and still does. The rest is history.

Question Two: Do you think your interest in Columbine reaches a unhealthy level?

DC: I wouldn't believe so, no. It does not stem beyond morbid fascination for me personally. I do not romanticize or fantasize about the perpetrators - Eric and Dylan - and nor do I hold them on a 'godlike' pedestal. They were sick, and they needed help. However, I do try to empathize with them because I know they were suffering.

In short, I don't think my interest goes too far. It doesn't really stem beyond this tumblr account.

Question Three: How do you feel about those that do romanticize serial killers and mass shooters or look up to them?

DC: When it comes to them, I don't find myself mad but instead partially sad. People who do romanticize and look up to serial killers are probably impressionable people with dark thoughts and real problems. They do not know how to deal with it, so they find comfort in this 'dark and godlike' figures. They seem to relate to them somehow. I just hope for them to get help, to get someone to listen to them. Because I do know that they need it.

That can't be said for everyone, of course, as I don't mean to diagnose and generalize a group of people. However, from my experience with that part of the TCC, I genuinely hope they get out of that and learn that there is more light and happiness in this life. :)

Question Four: What's your opinion on those who bash columbiners and the rest of the TCC based on the misinformed actions of some people? (Those inspired by school shooters that try to shoot up their own school for example).

DC: I think they are misinformed, like you said. I think they have reason, in their mind, to bash the TCC as a whole based on those people - I mean, after all, can you blame them? However, it makes me sad knowing that I can't openly say that I am interested in True Crime without people thinking I want to fuck school shooters (pardon my language), so I wish some people did their research more into a community instead of blindly bashing it because others did some terrible things.

Question Five: Does anyone outside of tumblr know of your interest in true crime?

DC: My dad and I share an interest in true crime (his not being as large as mine), so he does know. However, no one else in my family / none of my friends really know. I don't try to hide it persay, but like I mentioned earlier, I can't tell people without them thinking I want to either shoot up my school or marry a serial killer.

Question Six: That's understandable. Have you ever received any hateful messages or threats?

DC: No, thankfully.

Question Seven: Do you think the stigma with true crime will ever change?

DC: To be quite honest, I don't think it'll ever change. It may shift slightly, but not quite change. Murder, in general, is a taboo topic on it's own. While there has been a steadily climbing interest in true crime, there is still that sense of taboo linked to it that 'warrant' people wanting to bring it down. Murder, in my mind, will never be okay. And many people also think that way. Coupled with misconceptions about true crime as a community, I don't see the perception of it getting much better, if anything.

Question Eight: My wifi diead sorry. Do you feel that the community itself is to blame for ghe stigma and stereotyping it gets?

DC: It's all good!

To some extent, yes. I don't believe it is the community as a whole that is to blame, but the actions of a few people in this community that cause the stereotyping and the stigma. For instance, condoners and romanticizers. However, I do think that outsiders see this, and perceive it to be the community as whole (which, in turn, is where the stigma arises from). So, while I don't think the community collectively is to blame, there are a vocal few in the community that cause outsiders to antagonize us.

Question Nine: How has tcc effected the way you see everyday life, if at all?

DC: I guess you could say that the TCC has helped me learn to value my life more. I research these tragedies on the daily - I'm constantly surrounded by the sad truth that many people's lives were cut short due to it. Through my research and through joining this community, I learn to show respect to the victims, who had no say in their deaths. It's a constant reminder that life is, ultimately, fleeting. I need to make the most of it while I still have mine - I guess it's a way to honor those who weren't able to.

Question Ten: Do you feel as though the tcc has helped victims?

DC: I've actually enjoyed this interview! It's given me a chance to think about my role in this community :))

I would like to think that we do. Throughout the community, many great and wonderful people are creating accounts and posts dedicated to the victims and raising awareness about them. It may seem rather trivial, but these accounts are promoting a genuinely positive message. Instead of glorifying the killers, they bring light to the stories of the victims. It really is a beautiful thing to see, in my opinion.

To end it off, I know that the TCC as a community is a very polarizing topic to discuss. I will admit, we have some pretty awful people in our community - they glamorize these killers, follow in their footsteps, and the like. However, I want to bring more light to the wonderful side of this community: The side that spends hours upon hours researching, making sure everyone has the facts over biased opinions. Those that talk about these tragedies, but respectfully so to where the killers are not glamorized. And most importantly, those that raise awareness to the victims and their families. Our community may seem like a bunch of murder obsessed weirdos, but in all actuality I've met some of the nicest, most caring and genuine people through the TCC.

Thank you so much for this opportunity to share my beliefs, it means a lot xx

[ionica01]

Hi there! If it isn’t too much to ask, could you please write about how todo likes kissing momo? not in a sexual way, but in a super sweet and fluffy way :D hope this isn’t rude of me to ask for!

Wow I lobed this. I had a tough few weeks and this was the mindless fluff that I needed! It’s just a collection of small moments, of kisses between TodoMomo, all of them from Shouto’s pov. I hope it’s what you wanted, and that you enjoy!

The first time he kisses her, they’re hidden by tall, cramped bookshelves and surrounded by piles of books they’ve been browsing through. One of them, on heat-resistant materials, is still open in her lap as he twirls her unbound strands of hair around his index. It’s an aimless gesture, a habit that accompanies pondering.

Her hair is soft, and she says she likes having him run his fingers through it. Once, she even let Shouto tie it - it turned into a messy bun, a tangled chaos of black tendrils. Up until this day, Shouto doesn’t know what went wrong in his attempt, but it made her laugh until her breath hitched, and that was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

It’s her fault that she looks up at him now, fanning her long eyelashes over her cheeks as she blinks at him. Yaoyorozu’s face breaks into a smile, wide and uninhibited, softening her features and smoothing the lines that define her jaw. It’s also her fault that her eyes are lit up with excitement, doubtlessly from something she’s been reading about, the sparkles dancing around pools of obsidian that stare up at Shouto, tempting him.

Despite his father drilling determination and self-restraint into him, Shouto succumbs to this temptation, partly because he’s been wondering how her lips would feel against his for a while now, but mostly because he’s been aware he doesn’t just like Yaoyorozu.

It’s barely a kiss, really - more of a peck, a question and an experiment, a brush of his chapped lips against hers, tasting like strawberries and promises - but it’s enough to make her cheeks flush. He lets out a low chuckle and bumps their foreheads together, softly rubbing his nose against hers.

When she finds her words again, Yaoyorozu asks, “Can we…?”

Shouto knows what she means without hearing the rest, and kisses her again.

***

“Shouto, are you listening to me?”

Momo looks even more adorable when she puffs her cheeks, if that’s possible. Shouto knows she’s trying to display annoyance, but it only makes his thoughts stray even further from the conversation topic.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

She huffs, poking his chest with a cartoon of milk, “I was asking what you want me to cook for dinner.” When he opens his mouth to tell her instant food is just fine, she raises a finger to his lips to shush him, “I mean cooked food.”

“Oh.” She knows him too well. “Whatever you want to cook.”

Momo tilts her head, pondering her options before eventually settling for, “Then we’re having fish.” And with that, she clasps her fingers around Shouto’s wrist, barely encircling it, and drags him towards the freezers.

He watches her arched back, the small shoulders on which she bears not only the stress of being a hero but also his worries and countless others little things, such as making sure he’s eating healthy, and a sudden wave of affection washes over Shouto. Without thinking about his actions too much, his hands wrap around her waist from behind and he nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck, crushing her into a tight hug.

“… Shouto?” Her gentle hand caresses his hair, and Shouto’s moan is muffled by her sweater.

The aisle is empty at this hour of the night on a weekday, but Shouto would have pressed a trail of kisses to her collarbone even if it wasn’t. He feels the goosebumps forming on her skin in response to his hot breath and her muscles tensing under his touch, notices her throat bobbing when he reaches her earlobe, and is very disappointed when she untangles herself from his arms.

Still holding his hands, Momo spins around to face him with inquiring eyes and quirked eyebrows that make Shouto want to kiss the crease forming on her brow.

“Will you move in with me?” he blurts out.

Momo’s eyes widen slightly, but her lips tweak into a smirk. “As your personal chef?” she teases.

“As my loving girlfriend,” Shouto answers seriously.

Her lips part softly, and her hands squeeze his. “You mean that?” she breathes.

Shouto bumps their foreheads together, feels her unsteady breath on his cheeks and smiles.

She’s known him for long enough to tell it’s a genuine smile, one that gives her question an affirmative answer. Momo seems to forget they were here to buy fish for a home-cooked dinner, or that the very few sleep deprived office workers that shop at this late hour are giving them meaningful looks, but she digs her fingers into the roots of his hair and kisses him with a sense of urgency that rarely takes over her rational side.

Shopping cart forgotten, Shouto pulls her closer and fantasizes about this - them - about draping an arm around her as they watch the news together, about kissing her when she leasts expects it, like when she’s drying her hair or buttoning up her coat, and wonders how many more ways of falling in love they’ll discover together.

***

Momo makes mornings one hundred times better simply by breathing the same air as he does. Shouto wakes up to her, to her head on his chest and her even breathing bellowing small crinkles into his t-shirt, to her hand resting on his lower abdomen and brushing the bare skin there, and he wishes the alarm clock would suddenly break.

Then again, watching her wake up is equally enchanting. At first she mumbles something along the lines of “Not yet”, but she doesn’t stir. When Shouto leans over to silence the snoozer, she clings closer to him, fisting her fingers around the edge of his pajama, and rubbing her head into his left side, forever silencing his fears that his fire quirk could hurt her.

When he murmurs, “Momo?” into her ear, she reluctantly blinks, eyelids still heavy with sleep and eyes bleary. Through the mused bangs that are now blocking her view, she takes in their room, slowly bringing her eyes to him. And then, her face blooms into a smile Shouto can’t put into words, a smile that he imagines he’s giving her at that moment too, full of wonder and awe that she’s there, with him.

“Morning,” she whispers in a voice hoarse with sleep.

Shouto runs a hand through her mussed hair and kisses the top of her nose, eliciting a giggle out of her. “I never thought I’ll like waking up,” he mutters against her lips.

Momo laughs, a low sound in her throat that makes Shouto groan and pin her on top of him, hands circling her waist. “I love you too,” she says before pressing a kiss to his dry lips and pulling them both up.

Their mornings feel like small eternities, caged in their room, a space for all their promises and late night talks, for moving his lips against hers slowly and teasing her lower lip, for tracking her cheekbone with soft pecks and hearing her singing laughter, for having her fists knot into his hair to pull him closer.

It’s for remembering the romance poems they studied back in high school, and thinking that he could maybe understand those grand yet fragile words now.

***

She’s beautiful even when she cries, puffy eyes deterring nothing of the depths of those obsidian rivers, and Shouto cradles her closer to him, engulfing her body and veiling her forehead with kisses. The lily smell of her shampoo is etched in his mind now, as is the bright smile she offered him when she said “Yes.”

It feels like a dream; kneeling in front of her and holding a tiny velvet box that felt like it weighed a ton, her shaking fingers when he slipped on the ring, the way her lips crashed into his and she gripped his arms for support.

Shouto feels her pulse,the drumming of her heart in her ribcage, and searches for a thread of voice to string three vibrating, very much alive words, on it. “I love you.”

Momo looks up at him from behind lowered eyelashes and cups his cheeks, holding eye contact as if she’s searching for something into his eyes - he can’t wrap his mind around why she thinks his eyes are so expressive (“You talk with your eyes, Shouto”) before pressing a vow to his lips.

It’s textbook romanticism, the sort of cheesy stuff Shouto browsed over when reading a novel, but when she says, “I love you too” he knows it’s genuine, and he tucks her head under his chin, hugging her closer - so close, until there’s no closer left.

This - just being with her, is his favourite part of loving Momo. Maybe they don’t fit perfectly - they’re marble pieces, who got broken and lost their edges over time. Sometimes they collide, and they remodel themselves, they turn upside down so they’d fit better. Every now and then they need tape to stick together - but at the end of the day, they’re both laughing, and that’s all that matters.

Forever is a long time, but it’s not nearly enough with Momo by his side.

[redorblue]

On Beauty, by Zadie Smith

This was the second book by Zadie Smith that I read, and if it wasn't official that I love her already, it definitely is now. It takes me a while to get into her books because the pacing is very deliberate and in order to appreciate her genius, you first have to get to know the characters, but once it happens it doesn't really let me go again, even when I've made an effort to put it aside for a moment. The first one I read was Swing Time, and On Beauty is very different in terms of setting and topics, so it's hard to imagine that she'd have such a good eye, so much understanding for two (three) entirely different contexts, but she does.

The main topic in On Beauty is love/attraction, mainly of the romantic and/or sexual kind, but some of the POVs also talk about belonging and identity. The story is told mostly from the perspective of one family: Kiki, an African-American nurse; Howard, her white British husband who works as an art history professor at a New England college; their elder son Jerome, who shocks his family in the beginning of the novel by becoming religious; his sister Zora, a college sophomore and workaholic; and Levi, the youngest in the family and very much at odds with his family's suburbanness. There are some other characters who get a chapter every once in a while, but it's clear that these five and their relationships and struggles with each other are the main focus of the book.

I didn't like all the characters, and especially with Howard I grew ever more disgusted the further the plot progressed, but what I appreciated a lot about this book was that I understood each character’s motivations, even though I didn't like them sometimes. In my opinion that’s a sign of a really good writer: if they're able to make sense of their characters' actions, despicable as they may be, without trying to guilt-trip you into feeling sorry for them. Explaining, but not justifying. Like in this case: before the book even starts, Howard has cheated on Kiki with one of their friends (who, incidentally, is the exact opposite of Kiki physically), and during the course of the novel, he does it again repeatedly, this time with a beautiful young student of his who is not only the daughter of his archenemy, but also obviously disturbed after the sudden death of her mother. Granted, it happens on her initiative, but he's fantasized about her before, and how hard is it to just keep it in your pants really. I personally think that Howard is a terrible human being, and I'm pretty sure that the author, personally, thinks that too, but it's still made clear why he does it because „he's a terrible human being" doesn't really cut it when you write literature.

Essentially, Howard cheats because he's unhappy with his bourgeois, stable, normal life. He's from a working class British family, a fact that he's never really made his peace with, so everything he does is, at least subconsciously, partly due to his rejection of his origins and the expectations with regard to lifestyle, profession and romantic interests that come with it. His choosing art history as his field (but then engaging with art in a very pragmatic and, one might say, unintellectual way), his moving to the US, his marrying a black non-academic woman… I'm not saying that he doesn't love his wife or his job, just that the pattern goes back a very long time. In that vein, it makes sense that he has an affair with his colleague and, even worse, with his student once he gets too comfortable in his academic bubble, once he feels trapped by what other people expect his life to be like, once it gets normal and boring. Basically he has a classic midlife crisis, and he compensates for it by having sex with the two women that remind him the least of his wife and their family. And as morally questionable as that may be, it makes sense.

But enough about Howard - I've talked so much about him and I don't even like him. I like Kiki, and I have to say that I found it very satisfying when she moved out of the house and let him deal the household and their kids for a change. In her case, too, that decision made sense for her character, but in contrast to Howard it was a point that she first had to reach. In general, Kiki is an independent-minded woman who has a very healthy sense of herself and her body (she's plus-sized) and enough self-confidence to make herself at home in circles where she's often the only black and non-academic person (and married to a white academic who's not exactly good at guessing what other people might feel like). That's why I was a bit confused that she was on her way to forgiving Howard when she first learned about his infidelity.But thinking about it, it does make sense.

First of all, she mentions several times that she basically gave up everything for this life with Howard, that her marriage and her family are her life. We don’t see her spend that much time with people outside her family circle, with the exception of Carlene, and there it’s made clear that building a friendship is an unusual experience for Kiki. So it would make sense for her to try and repair her marriage, simply because there’s not much else in her life (at least in the beginning of the book, in the epilogue things seem to have changed - yay Kiki). Secondly, and here’s where the guessing starts, I think her background has something to do with it. If I remember correctly, she never mentions her father, as opposed to her mother, so I suspect that her father wasn’t present for much of her childhood, as was probably the case for many of her childhood friends, since she’s not from a wealthy family and poverty and racism tend to screw families up. Kiki definitely turned out well, but she probably knows how hard it is to be a single mom, or a kid without a father, and she doesn’t want that for her family or for herself. So she tries to fix it, or rather just go with the flow - not pretending as if nothing ever happened, but trying to be okay with her new situation and the gap between her and her husband that his cheating has opened up. Until he cheats again (and picks the worst possible partner for it). In that instance, she doesn’t see much of a point in trying to make it okay again because in spite of her efforts, nothing has changed for the better in her marriage, and with this repeated betrayal she doesn’t think that it ever will. So she walks out - and no, I absolutely did not whoop even a little bit when I read that.

Besides the whole love/marriage/sex group of themes that Kiki’s story deals with, it also touches a bit on belonging and identity. This is also the main topic in her son Levi’s story. Levi is still in highschool and obviously confused about who he his and where he belongs. He lives in a very safe, wealthy, white suburb, but he’s also a mixed-race (read: black) young man, and especially in such an environment that is not the easiest thing to be. He has this romanticized vision of blackness - not that he thinks that being a poor young black man is awesome, but he likes the sense of belonging he gets when he hangs with some Caribbean street vendors, and he definitely romanticizes the bond between black people. He also thinks this way of life is more authentic for people like him than what his family does - being in academia, recruiting their social circle among their white neighbors and coworkers etc. He does his best to fit in with his chosen circle, but the tragedy of his story is that as much as he would like to pretend that they all basically share the same background, the same experiences, it’s just not true. He slips up in the little things - like when one of his friends tells him about some people who work in the college and Levi automatically asks which department they’re in, not thinking that they might not do academic jobs. He makes a very good ally - he’s a heartbreakingly compassionate person, to the point of naiveté (but he’s still young, so that’s okay) - but as much as he would like to pretend otherwise, he just didn’t grow up in a poor family who lives in a poor inner-city neighborhood. His desire to belong and to right some of the wrongs that his friends always tell him about even makes him commit a crime in the end - and the only thing that keeps him out of trouble is his wealthy academic family. He doesn’t get the (kind of) happy ending that Kiki gets, because Kiki’s problem has a hard, but feasible solution - walking out - while Levi’s does not, he’ll just have to learn to be okay with being neither white nor black (= what he thinks being black is about).

Generally, although the tone keeps being quite light and relaxed until the last page, On Beauty isn’t exactly an optimistic book. Some of the romantic problems are resolved, which is how Kiki, Jerome, and even Howard (maybe) get their more-or-less-happy endings. But those concerning class, race, and the intersections of the two, like Levi or Carl or also Zora, end on a much less positive note because in the end these things are out of your control as an individual person. Which is not to say that I didn’t like the ending, I do like it very much (and not just because I like sad endings). Especially Kiki’s ending as the pinnacle of her entire arc is beautiful and important because here is this fat, non-academic, black woman who is not a stereotype but instead portrayed as 1. a real person with feelings and thoughts and intelligence, and 2. beautiful and desirable. Off the top of my head I can name maybe one or two more example where something like that happens. But the ending is certainly bittersweet because it shows that while there are some things in your personal life that you can fix (or walk away from), there are also obstacles that you just can’t transcend - especially those that affect you on a societal level. And this may not be the moral that one wants to get out of a story, but it is - sadly - realistic.

[emilyplaysotome]

Part 35 - Girl Talk

Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole is an ongoing story about our MC, who could easily be anyone in voltage fandom. She woke up in hospital bed only to discover that she’d somehow been transported Voltage universe.

This story is ongoing, so if you missed a part, or are new to the story, please use the link to the masterpost below to catch yourself up:

https://tinyurl.com/k4rrxna

Part 35 - Girl Talk

Growing up I was a bit of a late bloomer.

When the boy band craze hit my group of friends (fresh on the heels of girl-power groups such as the Spice Girls), I excitedly accompanied everyone to the mall, buying whatever new cassette was making its way up the charts. Even though I feigned excitement over the boys (really men) who comprised these groups, it wouldn't be until a year later in the 10th grade when my first real crush would hit me like a Mack truck.

His name was Jordan and in typical High School fashion he’d spent the summer between 9th and 10th grade growing from a scrawny middle school looking child to 6’2” broad shouldered man. 

He walked into homeroom on the first day and I felt myself watching his every move, unable to look away. I’d never experienced attraction on that level before - unsure of what these feelings were. It was the first time I had the desire to reach out and touch someone - a desire to make him smile, and to be by his side.

In true, awkward teenage fashion, I did nothing about it except occasionally stammer when he spoke to me a few times that year, and instead watched him from afar, pining for him secretly and silently.

After that experience it dawned on me that my friends had already felt these emotions for several different boys, including the ones that made up the boy bands we listened to. Suddenly it made a ton of sense as to why at every concert they’d scream so loudly, praying and crying that one of the guys on stage would look their way. They’d spend hours getting ready, making signs, and in tenth grade I finally understood why. 

That day in homeroom, where I first laid eyes on post-puberty Jordan was the day I became a woman. 

It was the day in which I was given a glimpse of the agony to come from my emotions, at the hands of cute boys/handsome men, who had not been a factor for me up until that point.

Getting ready, alone in Zyglavis’ room, I was hit with a strong sense of nostalgia as I thought back to my own childhood bedroom before my first Backstreet Boys concert. 

It had been pre-Jordan, and I’d gotten ready in a similar enthusiastic fashion. The outfit Zyglavis had left for me was similar to the one I’d worn back then - an official band t-shirt, with dark jeans, and (Kyohei’s) limited edition converse style sneakers.

Looking in the mirror, I tied my long hair back into a ponytail with a red ribbon that matched my sneakers, and felt a bit juvenile upon catching my reflection in the mirror. 

Even though I was currently 30 (a few months shy of my 31st birthday), ignoring a handful of grey hairs I still looked like I did when I was a teenager. Seeing myself in boy band attire combined with my youthful, makeup-free face only hammered that point home harder. I couldn’t help but smile at the girl in front of me as I thought about how much I’d come full circle recently.

Here I was with my head finally on straight (perhaps in part to my waning PMS), looking the way I did 15 years ago, and ready to enjoy my night without any plans for romance. I was about to have some good, clean fun with a friend and in that moment I felt 30 going on 13.

Keeping that in mind, I grabbed my phone, wallet (cash reserves replenished thanks to Zyglavis), and a healthy amount of tampons (to get me through the night) which I stuffed into a small tote that I’d accumulated somewhere along the way.

I gave the room (and myself) a once-over before heading out, and with a huge smile on my face made my way to the train to meet up with Sakiko.

I would be remiss to say that I was no longer thinking about Zyglavis (or Namba, or Shun for that matter) and as I waited for the train, thoughts surrounding these men came creeping back.

Naturally, it was impossible to forget the fact that Zyglavis and I had almost kissed, especially when I’d spent the past few days leading up to it fantasizing about what that would be like. He’d given me my space in attempt to respect my wishes to get home, and I knew that it would be unlikely we’d cross paths before the weekend was up.

Knowing the kind of man he was, it didn’t matter how badly he wanted to see me - he would adhere to what made most sense logically, and as a result would hold back from doing anything that would interfere with my choices moving forward. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about this, but I knew for the next few days I didn’t really have much of say in the matter.

Being a God, I wasn’t able to get in touch with him the way I would Shun or Namba, and knowing that he was once more out of my reach for the time being, I committed myself to making the best of my single and fabulous life. Returning to the well rounded, fully fleshed out woman I was held more importance to me than any boyfriend or lover, but being the intelligent woman I was, I was beginning to hope to have my cake and eat it too.

After all, I’d managed to keep my wits about me when navigating this world and there was no rule indicating that I couldn’t bring someone home with me. 

With everything I’d been through here, I thought it only fair to return with a prize of sorts, and at the moment it was fair to say that Zyglavis was my top choice.

However, I knew that I’d have to take everything one step at a time, and as the train pulled into the station I boarded it with a spring in my step, excited to enjoy my fun friend date with Sakiko.

We had planned to grab dinner before the concert at a cute cafe by the Tres Spades, and as I got closer to our meeting place, I saw Sakiko waiting just outside of the restaurant. Her face lit up with recognition upon seeing me, and she smiled and waved me over to her.

She was dressed casually for the concert, and I noted to myself that it was always funny to see her outside of her usual Tres Spades attire. 

Sakiko was a pretty woman, and her girl-next-door beauty was even more evident outside of the workplace. I hadn’t seen her for some time now and found myself more excited than I’d initially expected about this friend date of ours.

“Ami!” she exclaimed as I got closer, “Thank you so much for inviting me!”

“Of course! I’m happy you were up for it.”

“Up for it! I love Revance,” she said wearing a girlish smile. “Sir Kyo is...so dreamy.”

She blushed, and pressed her hands to her cheeks in attempt to stop the crimson hue that was creeping up her neck and face.

“I know it’s childish to fantasize about pop stars but…”

“Oh please,” I said dismissively, “in our heart of hearts, deep down no matter how old I get I find I’m forever who I was at 13. Like...I just can’t seem to shake that awkward teenage girl inside of me.”

Sakiko laughed, and nodded in agreement.

“That’s so true!”

“For sure. Tonight will be fun. You can scream your face off for Sir Kyo and I won’t say a thing.”

“Just...don’t tell Eiki….” she asked demurely.

“Eiki, eh? So that’s still going well?”

Sakiko nodded bashfully, and I followed her into the restaurant as we continued to catch up.

She told me that their biggest obstacle as a couple had been coordinating their schedules, but since that night we’d all hung out at Station things had progressed in the kind of direction that most women hope for. After a few dates, he admitted that he was only seeing her, and hoped that she might be doing the same. When it came to light that they were essentially exclusive, he asked her to be his girlfriend, and she said yes.

They had only been official for a couple of days now, but I congratulated her nonetheless as I could tell that she was genuinely over the moon about it all. 

She thanked me and let me know that if they ever got married I’d have to be the maid of honor since they wouldn’t have met had it not been for me. I insisted she didn’t need to do that, but she remained steadfast in her belief that I was the person who deserved all the credit for her current happiness. 

When our dinner arrived, she changed the subject to me, and my love life, asking me about my side of things concerning Hiroshi.

“I’m not going to lie,” she admitted, “Eiki told me that he was pretty broken up about it. I was surprised too! I thought you two were really good together…”

“Yeah…well…”

I trailed off. It was hard to tell Sakiko that I’d been a bit of a player, but if I couldn’t be honest with a girlfriend I hoped to become closer to, who could I be honest with?

I found myself telling her about the bidders at the Tres Spades and she listened to my story with wide eyes, finally piecing together my connection to Eisuke (and why he’d interrupted her at work to ask about me).

Obviously I left out the part about the auctions, and the traumatic events at the hands of the VIP’s since I didn’t want to frighten her, but I essentially told her that I’d gone for it with Soryu (aka the hot, scary looking one as she called him) and it hadn’t worked out. 

Sakiko was full of questions about the VIPs, seeing as how they seemed to live in an opulent world which was far different than the one she lived in, and I tried my best to answer them, while at the same time being cognizant of the fact that I didn’t want to romanticize any of them for fear she might be tempted to involve herself with them.

The one thing I did tell her (and with more fondness than I expected) in an attempt to illustrate why I’d opted for Soryu over Hiroshi, was the time that Soryu had shown up at my door to invite me to the IVC party. 

Sakiko hung on my every word as I described the party that I’d been whisked away from, and my heart broke a little when I thought back to how happy I’d been standing next to him. I thought about the letter he’d written me, and the check that sat in my underwear drawer, and felt myself pushing down those fond feelings as I reminded myself that our love story had not been as dreamy as I was currently making it out to be.

I was only doing this so Sakiko would understand my point of view, seeing as how it was entirely possible that Eiki might get wind of this. Sakiko didn’t strike me as someone who was a gossip, but should she tell Eiki my side of things it was entirely possible that he might relay the information to Hiroshi, and I wanted her to know that in order to give my relationship with Soryu a real chance, I had to end things with Hiroshi. From a timeline perspective this wasn’t entirely true, but if a white lie was going to be the difference between getting her to see it my way versus feeling sorry for Hiroshi, I was prepared to lie a bit.

After that, I switched gears from my failed relationship with Soryu to Hiroshi and why I’d been so hard on him. I maintained that while I thought the world of him and hated having to hurt him, he had been way too clingy and hadn’t picked up on my letting him down easy. I told her that it had gotten to the point where I needed to be cruel to be kind, and I genuinely felt bad about how mean I’d been by the end of it all.

“He does seem like the clingy type...and even Eiki has mentioned he’s clueless when it comes to women,” Sakiko agreed.

“He’s so clueless. I mean...it’s endearing but I just wasn’t ready for how serious he wanted us to be.”

“So...on that note, are you seeing anyone now?”

“Funny story actually…”

Sakiko’s jaw dropped a bit in hearing about my saga to find the man who saved me, and how I’d stumbled into a bevy of romantic prospects along the way.

Like two school girls, we gossiped over Shun and Jin’s FriendFind photos, and even she admitted it was hard to choose between the two based on looks alone. Just as she was wrestling over who was more attractive, I showed her a few of my secret Zyglavis photos that I’d snapped on my phone (for the purposes of my eyes only), and she was triply confused insofar as who was the best looking of the group.

I’ll admit that none of my photos of him were very good, since I took them under false pretenses (pretending as if I was photographing our food or scenery), but there was one where I’d caught his handsome profile gazing out of the train window. I’d taken it the day we’d headed to Seishun, and it was the most accurate representation of his looks.

I watched as Sakiko zoomed in, finally exclaiming, “Ami! You’re living every girl’s dream!”

“That’s not even the best part,” I said with a smirk, “Guess how I got these tickets?”

Sakiko just about lost her mind when she heard that I’d stepped foot into Revance’s home.

I’d omitted the part about seeing Iori in the bath (for fear her nose would explode), or having walked away from him in the park, and instead focused on the fact that he’d been the one to save me. Knowing that she was a Kyohei fan, I didn’t tell her about the fact that I’d worn an outfit from one of his groupies, nor did I mention the amount of makeup he wore in order to hide his bad skin.

Instead I focused on the cinderella story of it all - how my secret hobby of lyric writing had ended with a chance encounter with Revance, and as fate would have it, one of their members saved me. I swore her to secrecy about the whole lyric writing aspect, knowing full well the amount of crap they’d ever get if it were to come out that I had ghostwritten a song. However, being the sweet woman she was, I had no doubt her lips were sealed. 

It felt good to have a friend I could confide in - a real friend, and not a man masquerading as one. Not wanting to be a braggart or alienate Sakiko, I suddenly became a bit self conscious about everything I’d told her and tried my best to downplay the events in my life after leaving the Tres Spades.

“So yeah...things have been kind of crazy since I left.”

“I should say so! Gosh now I’m even more excited for tonight,” Sakiko said, her eyes sparkling. “Do you think we’ll get to go backstage?”

“Pretty sure.”

I watched as it dawned on her that she would be meeting Kyohei Rikudoh later tonight, and her surprisingly she didn’t smile but conversely scrunched up her face with a small pout.

“I can’t believe it. I finally fall for a guy and now I’m meeting Sir Kyo.”

“It’s not too late to dump Eiki,” I joked, as the waitress placed our dessert in front of us.

Sakiko let out a sigh and I couldn't tell how sincere it was. She reached out and using her fork, ripped off a small bite of the strawberry pancakes in front of us, letting me in on her thoughts.

"Eiki isn't a pop star, but I think he’s just as handsome,” she finally said, letting out a dreamy sigh. "I think that must mean I'm really in love right? That I'd choose him over Kyohei any day."

"Yeah I'd say so..."

After that the conversation petered off for a bit.

I tried to get a sense of what Sakiko did outside of work and Eiki, but like most two dimensional sidekicks in this world she was betrayed by her inherent nature. When I extended an invitation for her to join me at Kendo or Ceramics she looked confused, unsure as to what purpose that would serve her in life.

It was frustrating to have a friend who was only useful at superficial small talk and I yearned for the smart, confident, funny women that I had been proud to call my friends back home. I’d taken for granted how we’d all been able to have love lives while maintaining our strong senses of self.

The last time I’d been out to eat with a girlfriend we’d discussed her middle grade novel becoming a New York Times best seller, in addition to all the horrific dates I’d been on. We joked that her next best seller could be about my floundering love life, and then moved on to more interesting topics that had nothing to do with men. 

Looking back, that interaction was so different than anything I’d experienced in this world, and I quickly realized that speaking with Sakiko had only reinforced the fact that everything in otome-ville was trying to make me a basic bitch in order to trap me here.

Thankfully, now that I was aware of that fact, I wasn’t going to fall for it.

Furthermore, I wanted to believe that Sakiko had the potential to grow beyond her programming. At the moment her interests seemed fairly limited to what I’d put in a voltage character starter pack (men, yummy food, and work), so I decided to capitalize on one of her interests and start a restaurant club here, like I had back home.

When I suggested it, she lit up and was immediately on board. 

She suggested we extend an invite to Chisato, and I agreed suggesting we include the MC from Conte since food was best shared amongst groups of four. The conversation picked up again, and we started planning where our first meeting would be held.

It was cute to see Sakiko so excited about something other than Eiki, and even though the women in my new restaurant club were a far cry for my power players back home, they would still provide me with a much needed escape from the men whose powers of seduction had chained me to my newfound basic-ness.

Sakiko and I had a blast at the concert, even though I was certain that I was the oldest woman in attendance.

The venue was absolutely packed, and I was thankful that we’d been gifted with VIP tickets that ensured we were a good distance away from everyone with a general admission ticket, and very close to the stage.

I had attended the concert under the assumption that most women in world would agree with the fact that all boy bands are super cheesy, but we love them anyway, despite knowing this in our heart of hearts. 

After all, boy bands are often prisoners of whatever fashion statement is happening at the time, which is why in retrospect all those 90s bands I loved so much look so absurd in all of their promotional posters and images. Revance, like N*Sync or BSB, was similarly ridiculous as they all grinded in unison for a mob mostly comprised of screaming teenage girls. 

They were a bunch of grown men, in their late 20s, singing and dancing for children who mentally explored their sexuality with the member of their choosing. The fact that they seemed to be so serious about it was refreshing in a sense, but I figured that both Sakiko and I were on the same page in realizing the display before us was somewhat comical, and a far cry from what an adult women would consider “sexy”.

However, it soon became clear that for Sakiko, that was not the case.

At one point I was literally laughing out loud at one of the group’s choreographed dance moves. It ended in Kyohei sliding forward on his knees as he showed off his absurd cross belly button ring while holding out his hand to the audience, crooning Ryo’s overly sentimental lyrics.

The entire move was so incredibly unsexy and preposterous that I simply couldn’t help myself. When I turned to look at Sakiko to see if she’d found the move as funny as I had, it was clear that, unlike me, she had been completely charmed by it.

With tears in her eyes she reached towards the stage and screamed, “Sir Kyo!” and I found myself unable to contain my laughter. 

Tears soon formed in my eyes for very different reasons, and I was close enough to the band that I know they took note of it, masking their obvious confusion and disdain with their typical boy band schtick. I tried my best to regain my composure, but the fact remained that I was still a 30 year old woman and I had moved past the phase where cute boys dancing in unison did anything for me. 

These days I was made weak in the knees by more mature men, and I found myself thinking about how sexy Namba looked first thing in the morning, as he got ready for his real job which kept civilians safe.

I felt my heart flutter a bit at the memory, and began to question who it was exactly that I wanted to take home with me...

...because I was becoming more and more certain that I would be taking someone home with me. I was not about to have taken a three week detour on my life only to leave this world empty handed.

No - I’d been gifted with the experience of meeting a myriad of perfect men who were far better than anyone I could ever expect to date back home, and I was going to have it all - my career, my friends, my family, and now, the man that I always believed I deserved.

I was not the kind of MC who could ever be satisfied with the man alone, and I was going to get my happy ending. 

The question now was just...with whom.

To be continued…in Part 36

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Thanks for reading :)

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Sorry if I missed anyone and let me know if you want to be added/removed!

[smallerversionofmeeeee]

does media really need yet another exposé on yet another serial killer? yeah, yeah it does.

This past year, there’s been a bit of a surge in serial killer documentaries on Netflix. I’m not the judge of saying what should and should not be produced, but I think people should start looking at where this is coming from. The infamous documentary that comes to my mind is the recently aired Conversations with a Killer, in which the Ted Bundy tapes are made public.

This documentary caused an immense blowback from viewers due to its clear romanticization of the killer. There wasn’t any new information being exposed, the film acting as just another platform for Ted Bundy to talk about himself. There has been tons of research looking into why we, in particular women, romanticize and obsess over serial killers over the past couple of years. Bundy himself had followers during his own hearing, as do most mass murderers today. The Columbine school shooters were known for having fan accounts online of people fawning over them, blogs that practically acted as a shrine. So why is this? According to Dave Cullen, an author of books based off of the Columbine shootings, he believes that this infatuation is “similar to the phenomenon on death row, where women want to marry them or visit them” (Daily Beast, 2019). He also believes that the majority of young women worshippers on sites like Tumblr strongly feel that they could have helped reform the shooters if they had been in a relationship. To be honest, I have an interest in analyzing serial killers as well. Although I don't creepily fantasize about them, I watch all the documentaries that come out because it’s so fascinating to me. My mum thinks I’m weird, but whenever we talk about our differences it usually comes down to her childhood vs mine. My mum was born in 1960, therefore she wasn’t used to the idea of serial killers so when the news of people like Ted Bundy broke, she was absolutely terrified. I was born in 2001, so the concept of serial killers have been around for a long time. I’m obviously scared of them too, but I’m not scared of wanting to understand their minds. Maybe I’m just weird, but it’s definitely strange to see the progression of the serial killer presence in media and how it impacts people’s outlook on them.

There’s definitely a counter movement to this romanticization. People seem to understand the motivation in picking apart a serial killer’s mind, but there is definitely a blowback on the twisted obsession many people online have. An article by Cosmopolitan addresses the serial killer trend in particular with Bundy, as well as the popular Netflix show about a stalker/murderer, You. 

In the article, they explain the idea of hybristophilia, the psychological theory that is given to people who feel aroused by someone committing a violent act. This directly plays into the show, You, considering that the main character Joe (pictured above) is an extremely obsessive, murderous, SEXY man who shows no mercy when it comes to others getting involved in his relationship with Beck. Fans of the show immediately felt an attraction to the character, completely romanticizing him online. When Cosmopolitan states “by glamorizing murderers, we feed into the cult of personality, while the victims barely get a second glance”, they directly call out to those who support serial murderers. When you give serial killers the attention they want or would have wanted, you are completely glorifying them and giving in to their desires of being famous. The victims of these killers are barely remembered when society puts psychopaths on a pedestal. I actually did my own reporting and reached out to a Tumblr true crime blog, Serial Killers and Mass Murderers, to ask a few questions, specifically to do with their stance on media giving attention to serial killers. They believed that “it's difficult to say. [they] agree that memorializing murderers gives them undue attention, but [they] also think that ignoring reality is an injustice. Serial killers and mass murderers exist, we as humans should know why. Hopefully, the long-term lasting effect is that we're able to predict criminal activity and intervene prior to their first offence, allowing them and their future victims to live normal lives”. 

This perspective was eye-opening because although their blog was filled with aesthetic Gifs of Charles Manson’s trial, their blog was coming from a place of knowledge as well as respect for the victims in keeping their stories alive. I truly can’t say if our relationship with serial killers is healthy or not, but I will say that people are beginning to reshape this connection to be more educational. Cosmopolitan did a poll asking its reader’s how they feel about all the serial killer content out lately, and the majority (81%) said that although they did not find the killers hot, they were still interested in the stories. Humans are designed to be curious, so it’s only natural that we want to know more about the mysterious and the impossible. Even if curiosity killed the cat.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

We need to stop romanticizing the 'extremely offline' life

Remember the people who used to brag about not having cable or, better yet, not owning a television?

You know the ones (if you were alive back in the early 2000s). They were the kind of friend who showed up to trivia claiming to "know nothing about pop culture." They always thought the book was better than the movie, even when it wasn't. They bragged about not owning a television even though you saw them binge a dozen Netflix DVDs at a time.

Fast forward a dozen or so years and this figure has re-emerged, just in a slightly different form. Instead of bragging about throwing out their television, they're posting about how quitting [fill-in-the-blank] social platform has immeasurably improved their lives. While the rest of the world is rotting their brains online, they've done the impossible. They've gone offline.

And they can't wait to tell you about it.

"Being offline" is trendy in a way “being online” once was. Gross.

I know the "offline humblebragger," because I have been this person. I have been the coworker who goes on vacation, deletes Twitter from their phone for a week, and brags to the office about how much better they feel. Never mind that I immediately re-downloaded it upon landing and consumed as much poisonous viral Michael Avenatti-related content as my brain could handle before imploding. That's because I accomplished what I set out to accomplish: I earned compliments. 

There are plenty of others just like me.

"I am also that person," Brian W. direct messaged Mashable, adding that deleting Twitter had still improved his mental health.

"Deleting Twitter from my phone has definitely been a good thing for my brain," Alison B. also confided to Mashable in a direct message. "And I lerv to talk about it."

Lately, it seems that there's a whole content industry dedicated to helping online people (people who spend a disproportionate amount of their lives on the internet) who dream of becoming offline people (people who spend more time "in the real world"). 

If you're an "online" person, you're likely to come across a story like this at least once a day: “Why quitting social media is the best decision I ever made in my life,” or “How quitting social media changed my life for good, forever,” or “Why Facebook is destroying all of your relationships,” or maybe even “100 reasons you should delete Twitter/Facebook/Instagram RIGHT NOW.”

Heck, Mashable has even written their fair share of digital detox stories (though I’d like to think we do so with far less absolutism and a heavier dose of humility).

The stories follow a relatively familiar formula: The subject expresses some sort of addiction to/unhealthy obsession with a social platform. They decide, on a whim, to quit a platform. Delete everything. Remove their digital footprint. Then, like magic, their life transforms. Their relationships improve. They suddenly enjoy the world around them. They see flowers. They feel so free.

They belong to a different world — the offline community. Us online people — well, we're just lost.

Listen, it's reasonable to fantasize about living off the digital grid. Internet addiction is a real thing. Negative social media interactions can severely impact mood. In a 2017 study, researchers found that people who used seven or more social media platforms experienced higher levels of anxiety. No wonder people romanticize the offline life.

SEE ALSO: March Mindfulness 2019: Gamers take a swing at competitive meditation

It’s the absolutism and the occasional accompanying snobbery that’s the issue. There’s been considerable amounts of research pointing to the opposite effect: Some people do experience improved mood as a result of using platforms like Twitter. Not all of us can afford to go offline, and not all of us want to, either.

We all don't want to move to your fantastical offline utopia.

Here's how one Redditor on r/OfflineDay, a new subreddit dedicated to getting people offline, describes the phenomenon:

"So I've found a sub of people bragging online about spending time offline?” user the Harmacist writes. "Am I the only [one] that feels like I'm missing something here? Wouldn't it make more sense for you guys to not have an entire subreddit if you're planning on being offline? Like mostly based on the fact that if you guys are offline, then your sub will be dead, and if you're on the sub posting and commenting, you're ruining your own aim??"

Harmacist raises a good question, but it's not even going offline that's the real problem. It's the formula this technological bildungsroman always has to follow.

Going "offline" may not give you spiritual peace

Read any of the digital detoxification narratives published in the past 24 hours, and you'll find the same plot points. Life before detox before was hell, life post-detox is Eden.

Here are just a few of the benefits one writer experienced after quitting social media, in a piece confidently entitled, "14 Remarkable Ways My Life Changed When I Quit Social Media:"

The writer has become a good listener

The writer can live a life without distractions

They don't procrastinate

They found a job

They found their life's purpose

The writer has found inner peace

Listen, I'm not about to shit on this person’s "I've found inner peace" parade. Quitting or pulling back from social media does have a measurable therapeutic effect for some folks. 

But how often do we hear people — either in the stories we see published or the conversations we have on the regular — express ambivalence about their time away from social media? 

When was the last time you saw a "I quit social media and I regret it" story published? How often do you hear someone say, "I deleted Facebook and frankly I'm very neutral about it," or "I have ambivalent feelings about digital detoxification."

SEE ALSO: 8 people confess why they finally deleted social media

By insisting that "online living" is a kind of viral illness and going offline its absolute cure, we set ourselves up for failure. For one, people who need to stay online – whether for work, family, or personal reasons — are made to feel guilty about it.

"I hate Facebook and am a very inactive user," A.V. told Mashable over direct message. "But it's the only easy way to keep in touch with my very large and global family."

"Some people have been hurt, confused, and annoyed by my constant ‘I'm back/I'm leaving’ activity where Facebook is concerned," Maria M. told Mashable over email. "That bothers me, because I don't want anyone to be affected negatively by my struggles with social media." 

We need to have reasonable expectations about offline life. I've taken breaks from social media before and my experiences were largely "meh to above meh." I missed sharing my corny vacation highlights with my friends on Instagram. I wanted to hear every single update about the byzantine Mueller investigation. Reading a shitty book was not much better than reading a shitty article I found on Twitter. My relationships didn't markedly improve after I quit social media, and though I got more sleep, it wasn't a dramatic increase.

I even missed Gritty.

But because I felt pressure to complete the “I’m quitting social media for good” cultural narrative, I hyped up the success of my detox in conversations with my friends. “Taking a break from social media was the best decision I ever made,” I told them, even though I desperately missed every dumb meme while I was away. 

Privately, I felt bad about falling short. I didn’t really want to delete every platform. I couldn’t. I love Facebook rants too much. I love Otter Twitter. I had failed at what should have been the easiest job of them all: quitting.

It doesn't have to be this way for me or for others. We can have a better digital balance.

Please. Being "extremely offline" isn't any better than being "extremely online."

There was a point in time when "extremely online" people were culturally in vogue. Now we've reached a historical moment when "extremely offline" people are trending.

What we need to do is to admit a core truth: Neither group of people is inherently cool. 

Who cares where you spend your time? Online people: You're not in any way smarter or funnier for dunking on Eric Garland on Twitter. No one cares that you think Gritty is an anarchist-syndicalist. Similarly, just because you're an offline person who reads books instead of articles on Twitter doesn't make you any more educated. Neither world has the moral authority. Everyone is equally dumb. We all need to stop dreaming of greener digital pastures.

Now excuse me while I go tweet about this.

WATCH: If you're tired of oversized smartphones, try this teeny one on for size

[cyclone5000]

I was inspired to ask you this question because of the ccs content you've been reblogging (love that show btw). So as far as I know Japan is not a very gay friendly country, certainly not as friendly as some people believe. The MalexMale and FemalexFemale content is marketed to specific groups and usually shows them in ways that are kind of demeaning, like having one of the males being touched against his will (like full blown raped in some cases) by his future lover. (to be continued)

So my question is, how come Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura were able to get away with showing Gay couples in their shows (and well developed, healthy gay couples at that) back in the 90s? It was censored in America but Japan didn’t seem to have a problem with it, and as far as I know both shows were mainstream shows in Japan and marketed to large groups, not like Yuri and Yaoi normally are. Is it just cause they were side characters? Any chance you know the answer to this question?

uhhhh tbh I don’t know if there is a right answer to this…I’m unsure if I’m the one who can provide one at least. 

I’m not that well versed in this kind of stuff. And I’ll be honest, I’m little confused by this ask…I’ll answer it as best as I can. But, I’m just gonna tell you right off the bat that  this is 100% my speculation. Don’t take this as a serious answer :x 

With the way this kind of question is worded…it sounds like you’re comparing the same sex couples in SM and CCS to yaoi and yuri genres? And if that’s the case…well…your answer is right there… you’re basically comparing magical girl anime to pornography….

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Japan is definitely not an LGBT friendly place. But, the adult industry is all about fantasizing to the point of fetish-sizing. It is purposely formulaic. Why? Because a kink is marginally easier to sell than a person. And this is something that can be applied to international adult markets. Ever notice how there are several categories on porn sites, but no real variety within the category’s content?  Yeah that’s no coincidence. Adult entertainment is not about reinventing the wheel, they follow the patterns that are known to work.

Yaoi and Yuri definitely are applied this notion. I think the fact that it’s animanga further allows readers to detach it from reality. Like in the case with the yaoi genre, a huge premise behind it’s creation is ��forbidden romance’ and its after effects. Caste systems, falling in ‘love’ with someone who you can’t have, power dynamics, the whole ‘i’m not gay but you did this one thing to me and now i can’t forget how incredible it made me feel and so i’m confused until this story reaches a conclusion’–all of this and more get cranked out to the extreme because it sells this romanticized POV of Taboo. 

It’s kind of a no brainer to see how incredibly inaccurate these genres are at depicting actual same sex relationships. But the whole point of the genre is…well not to. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing or anything. (I think a major issue within the adult industry and pornographic material is how unregulated it is in favor of it turning out a profit. Studies have show that people wind up believing what porn shows because of their lack of sex education…but adult industries don’t feel pressured to cared about that really…which does have a negative impact…lol i wrote a paper about this once).

I know bc of the nature of the Internet and stuff, Yaoi/Yuri is often lumped together with regular mlm and wlw love stories. Yes, you’ll find some sense of similarities on how sexual these stories can be. But I think there there is a major difference in yaoi vs shonen ai or yuri vs shoujo ai. And that difference boils down what kind of story the author wants to tell. And what kind of impression the author wants to leave in their reader’s minds. 

Which I’ll transition to SM and CCS now. These series had a specific story in mind, and in order to tell that story; the author(s) made conscious decisions to have characters and couples to display it. I don’t think that they ‘got away’ with anything. In the case with these two shows, in order to display themes and other elements of their fictional verse, they created gay characters to illustrate them in ways the other cast members couldn’t.  The gay and lesbian characters/moments weren’t just added in without consideration. They were an integral part to the plot. They had purpose. And with that in mind, they were created.  The reason why they are good and healthy depictions of relationships is because of the actual format of the genre. These are magical girl stories. The priority is telling a good story. I don’t think they were just token characters, they were woven into the plot extremely well. And if you have a well written character, that’s gonna have a way better impact than a ill written one. 

There was a lot of effort and care put into both of these series. That’s why they left a strong impact that’s still prevalent today. I don’t know too much about Japanese culture and stuff. Under my assumption, I don’t think they are focused on LGBT representation. It was the 90′s. It was rare to find anyone that pushed for proper representation right, hell it’s still rare in present day!  But even if it’s not a primary acceptance for the culture as a whole, for one reason or another, it was impertinent  to the authors. That’s why they made them, that’s why they were weaved into the story. Japan is known for its subtlety. These characters were homosexual, but it was quiet. No one was blunt about it at least. These could be factors of why it was broadcasted as widely as it was. idk for sure, but my gut does tell me that it was a  positive if anyone did oppose of it. 

Like, with SM, I couldn’t tell you what Takeuchi had in mind while conceiving the story…If I’m not mistaken. I believed she made the first ark and was pretty okay with it. But when she gained popularity she was asked to create more, and thus made four more SM series. If the publishing company is asking her to continue her story…chances are they’re gonna let her draw/write what she wants. SM was already a running series by the time Haruka and Michiru came about. That whole ark was specifically about the talismans they held. Takeuchi might have had her own reasons for writing a romance between them, but I personally don’t know what they are. If that’s what she wanted though, that’s what she was gonna do. If the story is good enough to pull in sales and readers, then it’s okay. I can’t remember if there was a big uproar about it. I don’t think there was at least. 

CCS is a little different seeing as it was created by CLAMP and a different publisher. CLAMP in of itself have always been kinda progressive. I mean, within this series alone…one of the big themes is love and memory. Specifically how those two things are so different person to person. I know that tumblr and other social media likes to comment about the gay couples in the show (I don’t blame them lol), but sometimes it’s easy to forget some of the…not so easy to accept romances in the show. There were a lot of romantic feelings between students and teachers. Most of them having a large age difference between them. There were some things that crossed over family lines too. Their push for risky romance, did not stop at just same-sex couples. It was all across the board. CLAMP has always been one of those authors teams that pushed ‘there are many versions of love and just bc you don’t like it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist’ mindset. Even if people didn’t agree with the message, it didn’t stop or deter them from their success. And again…I feel like if I was a publisher…and I had a material for long running success…I’d take it lol. CCS had a lot of promise. 

Hell, look at YO/I rn. The author was always straightforward about Victor and Yuuri being a couple. And they got it through to completion. Why? Because the story was good enough to win people over. I know that sounds like a simple answer to such a complicated issue (it’s really hard getting variety and representation in animanga) but if the team believes in a project, and there is promise in its creation…there is history of studios caving in and allowing it to get created. And this isn’t just for gay love stories. It goes for a bunch of different things…like, look up how Cowboy Bebop’s concept got created! It makes me laugh every time i think about it XD That is like a prime example of someone getting to make what they want and the result being outstanding. all bc the publisher didn’t care so long as they got one thing correct.

BUT I don’t know for sure. It’s not like I’m able to find direct interviews with the authors of SM and CCS. I don’t know what they were actually thinking when creating their stories. Or why they specifically designed the characters the way they did. 

But the same sex couples in these series will almost always be better than say other stories in the yaoi/yuri genres. And that’s just simply due to writing. The authors made characters to fit within their worlds. They didn’t just create characters that had slight variations of the same exaggerated animanga tropes. 

It’s kinda sad when I think about it. mlm stories are being catered to the female gaze while wlw stories are being created for men….why? bc according to publisher, those are the demographics that will purchase these works…I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think that a lot of people have their preferences and types–but no one is gonna reject a truly good story! lol, even if there are gems within the same sex genres, make so mistake. They can be really hard to find.

I’m not Japanese. Hell I’m Indian-American. That’s like the double opposite of Japanese LOL. For SM and CCS, I don’t know what are the priorities for these publishing studios were. I’m just guessing that it’s success/numbers and thus they allowed for the story to take flow naturally. I don’t know for sure though. I could be completely wrong here. I’d urge you to try and find the answer elsewhere, I’m actually not like a super-fan about these kinds of shows :x hell I don’t really read yaoi or yuri anymore…

but I hope this at least created some kind of stepping stone for you to seek out the proper answer to your question. ^^’ sorry I wasn’t more help.