#and everyone says!!! this love will change u!! well i ask isnt that what loves supposed to doooo <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[angelofviscera]

careful and with patience hold this tender heart leave a well of tiny threads with 2 fingers standing in the garden gathering the dusk we hold the sun and golden one and we linger 💜💗💚

[muikitoo]

Hi,Ummm,good morning/night

Can I request something regarding the Rottmnt boys,I want them their love at first sight with a female reader in a school ay(More like a mix between the Yokai/mutant/human society

(No rush,It's ok if you don't want to do it and stuff,It's totally fine to take your time☺️,Have a nice day/night)

Love at first sight

Aged up! Rottmnt x fem! Reader

(somewhere around their 20s)

Warnings:

None

A/N: this was so hard to do for me for some reason (especially Mikey and Raph), i had to think for a few days for certain scenarios and this might come late bc i rlly want it to be good. Im sorry if it isnt what u expected 🙏

You were an English teacher who recently started working at a new school. Youre quite nervous, but exciting at the thought of what awaits you with this sudden change.

Donnie

- Donnie was one of those strict science teachers that nobody dared to underestimate.

- At first, he didnt seem too interested when he heard of a new teacher who started working there.

- hes never even been a romantic type, he honestly didnt care and let fate decide if he gets a partner or not.

- When he saw you for the first time though, he thought he might be hallucinating.

- "Oh sweet Galileo help me.."

- you probably immediately checked his "cute but mean" type without even saying a single word

- He became more interested in you, talking to you more often, even at times asking u to meet up during the break.

- "Hey, uhm.. Could i maybe interest u in some coffee during the break?"

- he thought all of this "romantic feeling" thing wasnt real, but he seriously cant help but fall for you.

Leo

- Leo is obviously the laid-back cool Spanish teacher.

- Almost every student liked him, he was chill and even jokes around

- (he once drew donnie on the board with a huge forehead and wrote "megamind" next to it)(no, donnie did not take that well)

- He was quite interested when he heard of a new teacher, hell he was probably the first one to interact with you out of his brothers

- The second he saw you, this mf fell straight face down in love with you

- "oh mi gosh thats the new teacher?! Shes gorgeous! Do you see her Donnie?! You see her?! Oh i so need to get her number!!"

- tries to act sly and flirt with you

- and fails miserably

- "Hey there hermosa, how do you feel about a date? Ya know, just you and me? *Wink wink* *leans on wall, trips and falls miserably*"

- (A/N: i cried writing that)

Mikey

- Mikey is the sweet art teacher and students enjoy being around him, but yet again they probably wont dare to underestimate his "Dr. Delicate touch" side

- He was quite excited when he heard about a new teacher.

- When he saw you, he suddenly felt nervous and flustered. And he knew why.

- at this point, everyone but you knew abt how he admires you, a little more than in the friendly way.

- He couldnt get the courage to go and talk to you, which put Dr. Feelings to shame

- When you actually started talking tho, you got quite close.

- Youd be with him almost every break

- You would often stay in his classroom/art studio and watch him paint during the lunch break

- and during those times he even asks u to pick his colours

- "Hey Y/n, which colour do you think would suit the ladies dress more? Red or blue?"

- Sometimes you even jokingly ask to be his model, but in all honesty he doesn't mind at all

- you guys were an inseparable duo, and he caught himself falling more and more for you

Raph

- He's the PE teacher, hes fun but strict when he needs to be.

- He doesnt mind that theres a new teacher, hes quite excited abt it actually - he would gladly want to meet you.

- First thing that catches his eye is that he thinks youre really pretty.

- He's most likely stuttering during ur first convo now😭

- Hes super sweet, bringing you coffee and/or lunch, helping u out with random teacher stuff, checking up of u, ect

- "Hey! How you feeling? I brought you some coffee.. if youd like."

- Hes so shy, but he cant help but feel his heart flutter every time you thank him or show appreciation towards him

A/N: Raph was so hard and i know it's not accurate at all. Ive literally been beating my ass up bc of him cuz i didnt have any ideas😭😭 this took super long and I'm really sorry about that, i hope it turned out the way u wanted🙏 anyways its 1AM so im js posting this cuz i have nothing else to do😔

[yunebtc]

hii :3 could you do a applejack x fem reader? where the reader is like rarity

YESSS I LOVE AJ SHES MY WIFE FRFR🥺🥺🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

!!NOTPROOFREAD

-FEM READER X APPLEJACK

-READER ISNT REPLACING RARITY OR ANYTHING DONT LIKE THAT IDEA BUT READER LIKES TO MAKE OUTFITS AND DO MAKEUP IN HER FREE TIME AND RARITY TAUGHT HER HOW TO DO THESE THINGS

-I WANNA MAKE THE READER A LITTLE AIRHEADED SO SHE WILL HAVE STUPID MOMENTS PLS DONT HATE ME😰🙏🏽

-FLUFF

———————————————————————

Thanks sugarcube..

APPLEJACK

I was out in the mall today getting stuff for tonight's sleepover with Applejack! Every three weeks we try to have a sleepover and this week was finally that week!! I had an idea we could do face masks and watch a movie and braid each other's hair!! It's be such a nice thing, I always look forward to having these sleepovers with applejack especially now that I have developed feelings for her, and who could blame me? I haven't had many suitors but none of them could have made me fall harder Than Applejack, She is sweet just like sugar, she is kind and thoughtful towards everyone, She's the most honest person I've ever known and she's sp strong she's willing to your pain and turn it into comfort, I realize that I stopped just think about her and I forgot I was in a line for buying everything we needed and I rush to the register apologizing frequently.

I exit the taxi and walk to my house opening the door and closing it making sure its locked I put my bags in the living room and walk to the kitchen grabbing a bag of popcorn and setting the time in the microwave as I waited I noticed I still had applepie that applejack brought me a few days ago since she was making pie delivers and made to much, and decided to heat some of that as well, I hear the popcorn finishing up and serve it in a bowl and start heating up the pie and I leave the kitchen and get the face masks and sleeping area and hairproducts and I use the already cut up cucumber that u had and use the as eye masks Rarity told me it helps reduce puffiness in the eyes and makes it feel refreshing!! As I had everything set up I feel as I forgot something, what was it?... THE PIE, I rush to the kitchen and grab the pi out of the appliance and quickly drop it feeling my fingers getting slightly burned and I go to run it in cold water "phooey.." I say in resentment I guess I really was the airhead of the group forgetting this ever happened I go split the pie in pieces and use a rag to take it to the living room to cool down and decide to take a quick shower and change into pajamas.

I exit the shower and dry myself off putting my silk pajamas on and taking my hair down and blow drying it for a while and I put some oils in my hair before I hear the doorbell ring Applejack had just arrived! "Coming!!" I exclaim and go to check the door and open it "Hey sugarcube!!" Applejack smiles holding her sleeping bag and bag of stuff u smile back and give her a hug but she struggles to hug me back with her stuff in her hands "Here I'll get your stuff come inside!!" I take her bags out of her hands and walk inside and she walks inside as well closing my door, I set her sleeping bag down next to mine and set her other bag down as well and ask her "Okay! so I got face masks for us let do that first?" Applejack looks at me nervously but agrees and I pat the spot on the couch next to me "Uhh --- what excellent are you putting on my uhh face?" I chuckle and say "It's a face mask hun it's not gonna hurt you!" I notice she blushed a little but I shrug it off "Whatever you say sugarcube" she says and I start to blush too, usually she calls everyone she cares about sugarcube but something about her calling me that makes me blush, after applying the mask I put the cucumbers on her eyes and her eyebrows burrowing "Now now what are these for??" She asks "Rarity says that cucumbers help relax and reduces puffy eyes!!" Applejack shrugs and says "Sugarcube I have no idea what your talking about but as long as your enjoying the sleepover" She rests her hands on her stomach and I blush at what she said "As long as your here I'm having fun Applejack!" I say happily and supirse her with another hug and returns the hug squeezing me tighter due to her strength but I don't mind I feel more than comfortable in her embrace, minutes go by and it was time to take off the masks so I take off the cucumbers and my mask "Hey applejack we can take off the masks now!" She takes the cucumbers off and takes off the masks handing it to me I go to throw the masks and cumbersome away but she comes out of no where and says "Wait gimme those cucumbers!" I look at her questioningly and she eats the cucumbers "Applejack that's nasty!! Those were just on my eyes!!" I give her a playful shove and she laughs "They still taste delicious!!" She says and I scoff " If you were hungry you could have had some pie, I still had pie left over!!" Her face lights up and she smiles "Let's have some then come on sugarcube!!" She takes my hand and sits down on the couch taking a slice of pie and scarfing it down, I laugh and eat pie as well "Well now its time to watch a movie what do you wanna watch hun?" I ask and she tucks a piece of her beautiful blonde hair behind her and and checks the movie selection before choosing a scary movie "This one!!" She exclaims and I gulp and smile weakly playing the movie anyway.

A girl screams and I yelp and look away from the TV and squeeze applejack and my face stuffed in her chest I could hear her heartbeat faster, Applejack wraps her arms around her and blushes "Sugarcube you alright?" She asks and I say "The movie is just a little too scary for my taste.." She chuckles and puts a hand on my cheek "Wanna do something else then?" I blush hard and nod "You wanna braid eachothers hair?" She nods and smiles and I smile back and get the hair brush and oils and a hairband Applejack takes off her hat and holds it in her hand and I take the hairband and brush her hair out and apply hair promoting oil on her hair since she has such beautiful hair she should continue to grow it! I start to braid her her and we just talk about our week she had told me applebloom was grabbing chicken eggs for the coop and one angry hen chased her out and that she had to stop her from crying, poor girl I remember one of our sleepovers where at Applejacks house and while we where in her room and chicken was outside her window and screamed so loud I fell out off bed, not fun. "Poor apple bloom your chickens are vicious!!" Applejack laughs harder and says "Pretty much!" I finish her braid and I ask to hold her hat and she agrees giving me her hat and I put it on her head and bring her hair to fraim her face she looks at me the entire time and I make eye contact and she looks at my eyes then my lips asking for permission I nod and she cups my face and kisses me, it was magical her lips were soft and she must have had lip balm the tasted like apples because that's all I could taste I wrap my arms around her waste and she wraps her arms around my neck and we break the kiss "I didn't know you liked me back.." I say she lifts my chin up and we make direct eye contact "Of course I do sugarcube, you perfect and shine like gold in my eyes, I'd like to make you mine if you would.." I give her another kiss and nod " I do I love you Applejack" she smiles and says "I love you too ---" after that she braided my hair and we bring our sleeping bags closer together and before we go to sleep she said to me "Thanks sugarcube.." I look to her and say "For what?" And she smiles pecking my lips "For making my wish come true.."

[distortionmewtwo]

-The Unown shifts from next to Uv to spin and rotate their body in frustration outlet needing to move as they think-

How could that detail even slip your mind?? Oh this is what I shall claim as my champion this is my champion then just oop this is a child huh how did I end up with a child oh well. Just,! I cannot comprehend such a detail slipping I know time moves differently with God's when you're alive so long years can blink into seconds or months can feel like a lifespan it's all complex and disproportionate but you didn't even make plans with yourself on what sort of training you'd provide your champion when old enough?! I can understand waiting while Uv was a child but did you never set anything up in advance?? An area to play to learn coordination to dodge and dive and be wary of flying obstacles nearby, when Uv learned their first move did that not remind you that he needed to know more?? I'm sorry Giratina but your love for Uv and forgetfulness has endangered Uvs safety!

And stars above but all three of you are so stupid! You picked yours first, who's to say Dialga couldn't have foresaw these events with time powers?? I don't know if you three took an honorary oath to not use your respective ability to your advantage when picking a champion but even if you didn't you didn't even pick at the same time! If Dialga and Palkia knew and saw and sensed you picking Uv that immediately gave them both an edge in their choosing and with Palkia choosing last that gives an advantage over you and Dialga!

Non of these champions are going to be proportionate to the battle they need to partake in, Uv no training, Dialgas champion HAS had training and if Palkia has only just picked a champion who knows what kind of creature was found that Palkia feels so confident to call for a battle effective immediately. This little proxy war isnt fair by any means in terms of power levels experiences equality or anything! Save for Uv everyone else has an advantage if Dialga checked the flow of time and found a timeline with a champion which guaranteed victory and if Palkia already saw what you both picked and waited to choose a champion with power and typing advantage over the pair of you!

God's this is so stupid all of it and I hate it I hate it so so much because I know there's nothing I can say even if I convince you I don't know if your siblings will listen be reasonable and I don't know what sort of empathy and care your father has if Arceus here would even step in, you all need to be thrown into a pocket dimension away from everything where you can fight it out and sort out all your shit!

-The Unown heaves heavy breaths-

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just, I don't know, this fight isn't fair I've already raved my piece about it and I still stand by the idea you three should just ask 3 rattata to have a play fight but I know your egos will get in the way and there's always going to be subtle differences between each of their strengths due to natural variation nature's what not, and you can't exactly ask a mew to create three pokemon of completely identical stats purely for this battle as creating life just for the benefit and satisfactory pleasure of God's wanting to know who's better is all kinds of messed up. Not to mention I don't know your siblings I don't know how liable any of you are to cheating which could just urg break everything in the everywhere all at once. -The Unown floats down in a sigh exhale drooping after their rant, no matter what they thought of they couldn't see anything working out, they already felt as though this was an event that could not be changed and it only made them feel worse-

- U

IV belongs to @hoodies-monster-ranch !

[femmepeterparker]

well, since you've been getting shitty anons, here I am asking what your favorite trans!tucker headcanons are :}

aww thank u

buckle up bc i have quite a fewww

-picked a family name. its regal

-no op. idk it just feels right for tucker. i feel like he'd say some shit like "im too well endowed"/"im obviously gods favorite look at my body"

-never wanted kids so junior is a huge bump in the road for him. always saw himself as a bachelor for life and now he has a kid (who he loves, he loves junior) and sometimes he wonders what life would have been like without junior

-unfortunately junior's conception is still. nonconsensual. jokes about tucker fucking aliens are funny but he seems so genuinely confused and upset in canon upon learning of his pregnancy so i dont really think that changes

-sanghelli pregnancies are shorter than humans but not that much shorter. he's pregnant for a good couple months before having junior.

-doc performs the c section. it is a goddamn miracle that both junior and tucker survive

-post pregnancy tucker develops glowing symbols and markings along his skin. the c section scar and his stretch marks glow too

-sometimes when tucker is emotional, his eyes will glow teal. it scares caboose

-junior and the c section absolutely ruined his uterus and tucker is lowkey thrilled about it. he considers it a diy hystorectomy

-everyone knows except wash??? like, they dont clock tucker they just know hes trans mainly bc of junior, but wash... just doesnt put two and two together until tucker tells him

-speaking of wash. he is demisexual and lowkey not very interested in sex but tucker is super into him so hes like. a service top. theyre kinda messy. its okay tho

-tucker learns sanghelli somewhere between seasons 4 and 6

-junior comes with him to iris

-wash isnt the step dad, hes the dad who stepped up

ask me more about him i love him

[enden-k]

Can I ask what makes Arlecchino evil? I'm v much a villain enjoyer and like some morally greyness, but I genuinely didn't pick up on a lot of bad stuff with Arlecchino. She was super helpful during Fontaine and seemed to be the only powerful person who cared about helping the common folk when the water levels were rising.

I'm not here to start an argument, just wanna expand my view 🙏

dw didnt think u want to argue! i will also use this to say i wont tolerate arguments, this goes for everyone here

i will talk about sensitive themes under the cut (mentions of when i was groomed/emotionally abused by my adoptive father/mentions of abuse/grooming in general) so if someones not good with this, be warned please and dont click for your emotional comfort.

i really love arlecchino (theres also difficult, personal reasons ig) and id rather wait for her to arrive to get more information than we have so far through other characters/side quests/main quest but well.

her goals aligned with ours in the fontaine quest which is why we have the impression shes a good/nice person, especially considering our other meetings with the harbingers we met so far (signora, childe, scara, dottore) and the situations. shes very calm and diplomatic (lets see how it changes in the next update when we fight her)

but we shouldnt forget how the travellers on their toes the entire time/everytime they come in contact with arle. its because shes a harbinger after all. shes a danger. her graceful politeness and calmness is supposed to have you on guard, make your hairs rise. shes mentioned to be manipulative and shes manipulating others to achieve what she wants by being nice and calm. she has ulterior motives. we should be careful. this is my impression based on my own gaming experience and idk if it was the same w others, but bc of us being on guard around her i was always prepared for her to turn on us until the end of the main quest.

anw, arle is supposed to be intimidating and have you wary. even tho she comes off as nice and polite, having done good and helped in the main story. its bc thats what she wanted and you happened to have the same goal. also lets not forget scaras and childes thoughts about her which already tells a lot

she has two sides. the one we saw in the quest, the graceful, calm, polite face to get what she wants. and the other, the one scara and childe talk about here, the one they call "crazy"

not to mention her codename, "the knave". what does it mean? servant. what else does it mean? "dishonest/deceitful man". basically, swindler. isnt it perfect?

shes manipulative and whatever her "true" nature is, we dont know (yet). she may have "good intentions" here or there but will achieve them no matter what it takes.

as for the thing you can consider as bad; the house of the hearth is an orphanage that raises children into fatui agents. only those who have potential join the ranks while the others are kept close (its not known whats done with them afaik). theyre basically grooming/raising child soldiers/spies.

before the sensitive stuff comes up, for the ppl who dont want to proceed, arlecchino fools/manipulates you into thinking shes a nice person/good parent. its amazing and so in character for her. its also scary how some ppl cant see the abuse/manipulation unless you went through this too or well. just actually read and realize it.

arlecchino is an emotionally manipulative parental figure. now, this is coming from someone who went through heavy abuse/was groomed by their adoptive father who was extremely manipulative and i spot so many things very well known to me. others who went through the same get this feeling. these signs you immediately recognize.

you get punished for the tiniest mistakes and when you get loved, it makes you forget all that was done to you, just for that tiny bit of affection you crave. you try to do your best, to do everything asked and expected of you, not to disappoint the only parent you have and youre dependent on, to be a good kid deserving of love and when you slip up youre in shambles. there was a time i did a tiny mistake by accident and my father said to me in the coldest voice "you broke my trust" and i remember so vividly how it broke me, how i cried until i got sick. i was physically abused before and none of it hurt me more than this. it still gets to me after all those years. emotional manipulation is cruel

what im trying to say is, she came in a time of need. taken as a savior while it just is one abuser swapped out with another. like my adoptive father having me dependent, giving me love i never received and being everything i wanted, making me believe hes everything i need, a common thing abusers do. wanting to do everything youre asked of and do it good, the fear of disappointing and being punished, believing you deserved it bc its your fault and treating your abuser like a savior, being conditioned. this is whats happening.

now, arle genuinely loves and protects her children; its very clear that the life of the children matter to her the most (look at childes line and freminet/lynette etc) - she was one of them too after all. so, its possible to love and still do these. moral greyness etcetc

anyway idk if its understandable or if i can explain it in proper words while maintaining a good distance so ill add the voicelines of the siblings heavily implying this, and also a tweet adressing this that brings it to proper words, better than i can say

tweet here bc tmblr doesnt insert the link properly

[lemmetreatya]

home for new years — husband!reiner x fem!reader

contents: fluff, sex, m!pen

happy new years to everyone!! last fic for the year but not the last from me! the last 4 months on here have been great and i cant wait to see what 2023 brings us! thank you to everyone whos supported me and my work so far i love u all MWAH! 🫶🏾🫶🏾

home for new years will have you declining invitations and calls from your friends who are asking both you and reiner to back the nye party sasha and niccolo are hosting.

“i’m sorry, sash! not this year. me and reiner already planned to just have a night in between the both of us.”

“but you can come and spend it together with us!” she’d whine into the receiver.

you could only chuckle at her. even though she may have come across as invasive or unregarding of the quality time you’ve decided to dedicate to spend with your spouse, you knew she came from a place of love.

sasha wasnt the only one. both of your respective messages were blowing up; relatives who lived in different countries already wishing you the new years well due to their forward timezones, friends asking about the motives and misc notifications.

none of them, however, were as adamant as reiner’s younger cousin.

“why cant i spend new years with you two?! if you’re only staying home then that means you’re not doing anything important.” gabi moaned.

“what we want to do is important enough that we dont need you around. we literally spent christmas eve, christmas day and even boxing day with you, isnt that enough?” your husband responded.

reiner was definitely tired of gabis back and forth notion that she practically needed to be in your hair on all seasonal events. even though he was too kind to say it to her face, he definitely made it known to you through the agitated expressions he occasionally made behind her back.

“no, it’s not enough! there’s no reason for you not to see me if you’re free.” she haggled.

reiner sighed loudly. you could tell that he was tapping out from the argument as from the way he rested his head against the sofa back.

seeing him no longer want to entertain his cousin, you decided to step in. with an easy smile, you replied to her instead.

“just because we’re staying home it doesn’t mean we’re free.”

she didn’t say anything but she definitely considered your argument a lot easier than she did reiner’s. reiner always said she listened to you better.

“if it makes for anything, we can spend new years day together?” you kindly offered.

gabi huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest and bounced herself onto the couch.

“that’s such a cheap excuse. no one does anything on new years. it’s a free holiday. you wouldn’t be sacrificing anything to be with me, you guys don’t even go nowhere. i am literally the only fun in your lives.”

even though you were surprised at her level of rebuttal, you couldn’t help but laugh aloud at the twelve year olds words. whilst you and reiner may not be the childless lavish-life living adults she wanted you to be, she still seemed to want to spend every waking moment with you both.

but alas, you and reiner were okay with that life for now because it meant you had room to spend new years at home.

you didn’t have to worry about childcare expenses or who was willing to have your kin on a holidays like this. you didn’t even have to worry about answering to anyone for anything. you both had the night to spend it within each other and that alone was the reason you were fine with how things were.

“i’m really happy we’re spending new years like this.”

reiner placed the last platter down onto the coffee, the look on his face giddy as sat down next to you.

“same. i feel like we don’t get to spend a lot of our holidays with it just being the two of us. it’s a nice change.” you replied, fingers already sneaking into one of the snacks.

reiner’s arms found solace over your shoulders, his warmth already seeping into you as you pressed play on the remote which started up the movie.

“we should deffo do it more often then.”

he said more quietly due to his awareness of the movie starting. still, looking down at you, reiner couldn’t help but plant a closed mouth kiss to your temple.

“deffo.” you agreed, your attention already captivated with the movie introduction.

there was no doubt; reiner would definitely treasure this new years.

throughout the year, the two of you were always so busy. if it wasn’t work then it was extra-curricular commitments and even in between those times, the both of you were deeply involved with the lives of your family and friends.

deciding to simply spend it with just the two of you was a well curated decision. really and truly, the both of you could have spared yourselves once again and indulged with the lives of others.

but deciding to chose each other just this once was the best decision you could have ever made.

“god, i love you so much.”

reiner endearingly muttered into your ears as he pumped himself in and out of you. the soft whimpers you poured out into his were just as sweet as your arms hooked around his neck.

“i-love you too, rei.” you breathed, the feeling of his dick stretching your insides so familiar yet estactic.

and oh how you did love this man because when he first offered for the both of you to ditch all new year plans just so he could spend it with you, in you, you couldn’t help but to allow him what he wished.

making love to reiner in the most enchanting low light and soft candle glow was such a way to go into the new years.

rough and lustful sex had its place and it was definitely one of your favourite past times with reiner. but there was none of that right now. there was no biting, rough handling, guttural or carnal intent, nothing.

just you and reiner underneath the blankets, vulnerable and opened for the other to indulge in.

and you loved that, because this, was how you wanted to spend new years. with reiner, and totally enamoured by him.

and just as the neighbouring fireworks bursted outside your bedroom window, and your phones simultaneously buzzed with texts, you couldn’t think of a better way to go into the next age but within his arms.

with the indication that you had been graced into a new year, the both of you wispily smiled into the others embrace.

reiner continued to chase his climax as he lightly kissed the top of your shoulder, his face then burying into the crook of your neck

“ha-happy new year, baby.” he said with a grin, his hands still working over your curves beneath the duvet.

“happy…new year to you too, rei.” you muttered back, your hands gently caressing the short bristled hairs on the back of his neck.

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[windupaidoneus]

🤪👯‍♀️👀?

hi greeeeen poses gaystyle how are u doing. does a backflip. falls on my ass

🤪: What is your trait that fanon would exaggerate? i think because of the nature of hildegarde being transmasc & people LOOOVING to infantilise transmascs people would latch onto his few sillier, more lighthearted moments & kind of turn him into a very nicey all the time sensitive emotional baby who can do no wrong. which like yeah he is emotional & sensitive but it actively causes him to do bad or at the very least morally questionable things so i don't think that's the angle we should be approaching this with guys... alternatively people who don't like him would probably like. write him as a class traitor of sorts. & i suppose he is! if you have no fucking idea how propaganda & indoctrination works. that isn't to say he's on friendly terms with nero, gaius & emet because of the propaganda & indoctrination, but he IS relatively unwilling to commit harm against garleans just bc they're garleans, yknow? & well that's a very. unpopular. kind of stance. you haven't gotten to that part of the game yet so i shan't elaborate too much but basically people are very eager to let people die horrible deaths or actively cause said deaths rather than allow them to grow & change. so hildegarde would likely be unpopular for wanting to help rather than leave them to die even if these are people who participated in his own lifelong abuse & issues (well. i don't think he knew any of them personally tbh which also gives him some emotional distance since they didn't hurt him Specifically. also random ass garlean peasants aren't really responsible for the hurt he went through going up the ranks)

👯: What canon character are you most similar to? oh! that's a fun one..... it kinda depends who hildegarde is around. if he's around nero the answer is 100% nero outwardly. (this is actually healthy for him in a sense since nero's inflated ego means hildegarde gets an inflated ego from being around him. self-love win!! bad news for everyone else, theyre insufferable) you have not met either of those characters yet but hildegarde sees a lot of himself in yotsuyu, & from a meta perspective he is similar to fordola as well. those are stormblood characters !! so you will see them soon!!!!! all three of them were tools of the empire at points in their lives at varying degrees of willingness, but hildegarde has an I'm Evil Person complex so he aligns himself with yotsuyu more since. well. yotsuyu is kind of evil yeah. (women can do anything they want) but especially um. well. let's just say yotsuyu is alive in his timeline bc i can't bear to have it otherwise i really can't & it'll become very clear why when you get to the Part & of course i can't not mention. well. emet. they're not TOO similar especially not on the outside but they are both consumed with grief to an extreme degree. also they both do love theatre im afraid

👀: How does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? Would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic? FUCKKKKK (clutches my head) WELLLL IF IM HONEST IT WOULDNT ACTUALLY CHANGE MUCH I DONT THINK. there would def be interesting metas written about their dynamic & im living proof of it im writing my own metas 😭 read my five billion paragraphs boy. i cant say FOR SURE how it would affect the world because the game isnt finished yet & i cant know for sure what will come of emet until the story is over but i like to like. keep things as close to canon as possible when i tinker with my timeline. emet coming back very intentionally does not change much at all about the story bc i want the story to keep its impact, & him being around & actually doing shit here & there would make things way boring bc he's so stupid powerful... plus i don't think he'd like. do much. unless hildegarde explicitly asked him. & hildegarde does not simply "ask for help". so really it all works out for the game mostly remaining close to what it is canonically. about emet's characterisation though. it would change a little i suppose. more stuff i don't knowww if i can elaborate on fully bc Well The Spoilers but it's less his canon characterisation changing & more me adding onto it at the end of what is already established? like... timeline wise. lol. there's the him the way he was originally, the him he was as a villain, & the him he is after everything is said & done. but to be honest that's just him changing & growing as a person (for better or worse) yknow. normal shit. as for hildegarde. Um. well i dont know i feel like since he's my s/i... he already has the characterisation i give him & i cant dissociate him from my beautiful mind timeline so it's hard to tell lmaoo. the actions he takes ingame (like with dialogue options) are all chosen with my timeline in mind so he probably wouldn't change much

[limpfisted]

but wyll does leave you as a squid. he tells you he can't be with you anymore and the solution he comes up with is basically one wherein he treats you like a pet, or worse, a dirty secret that he hides away in the bowels of baldur's gate because he still cares more about being the blade of frontiers than he does you. i love wyll but the way larian wrote that ending feels both ooc for him and a touch cruel toward the pc.

the way canon portrays a character cannot be ooc. you can disagree with it, you can change it, but thats why fanfiction is called “transformative work.” the text is the text. your interpretation of the text is subjective, the events of the game are not subjective. they are facts that happen on ur computer screen. wyll asks you if you want to be his basement squid lover. you can say no. he doesnt force that on you.

it is cruel. it is a bad thing to do. wyll should not do it. it is obviously a bad thing for both you AND him

but hes NOT the blade of frontiers in this ending. hes the grand duke of baldurs gate.

if hes the blade of frontiers—he dumps you bc he wants to go be an adventurer and that is the goal n oath he literally sold his soul for once, n the reason he lives his life. u cant be an adventurer with him. ull scare people, theyll try to kill you. he relies on his relationship with the people of the sword coast, they orotect him n give him their kindness shelter n hospitality in order for him to protect them. he cannot do this if u are a mindflayer.

if hes a grand duke, he NEEDS you. he wants you so desperately hes WILLING to do something awful to you BC he has so many fucked up feelings for you

wyll was 17 years old when he left bg, he stopped studying law, he never led an army, every patriar has been killed, 2 dukes are dead, the city is in ruins. he has no idea what hes doing. he no longer has any agency over his own life, he does not have his freedom, n he WANTS you

i believe the feeling of love and the action of love are different. he feels in that moment a desperation to have you and hold you, the normalcy, the fairy tale promised. he clings to something he cannot have in u just as he can no longer have his freedom to be a hero, to be the man he would choose to be on his own. he is in awe of you. you are the champion of his city—the city he is now shackled to, that fits like a wet kitchen glove.

wyll has so very little agency in this game. i see this ending as part of his “bad end.” but it is also an interesting one.

is ascended astarion “ooc.” is dark justiciar shar? no person is just one thing and there is no inherent good or evil inside anyone. we are the decisions we make, goid or bad, every single day, and the reasons we make them. you make decisions, you live with them, and who you choose to be in every second is who you are. we are not fixed states. good isnt a thing you are—its a thing you have to work to do every day, and something you can and SHOULD work to do every day. but people slip up. theyre messy, confused, traumatized, they have big feelings, that make them want things that hurt other people. everyone makes mistakes, even people as noble as wyll.

you can prefer one decision line of a character over another. obviously i would prefer to be with wyll in avernus kicking zariel’s ass.

but if you deny someone the mere notion that they could do something hurtful or evil even to the people they love—you are denying their humanity n the full complexity of their soul. n u are denying the effort it takes to BE so goid like wyll is so good,

wyll is not some perfect well-adjusted good boy that goes around with a soul full of sunshine. everyone had dark thoughts and impulses and violence in them. everyone is equally capable of hurting people.

it is HARD to be good.

wyll is not performing the act of love—love is healthy n consensual n nutritional. but he feels a desperate pull of love towards you. you have been his light in all this. you have kept him sane and kept him going. you made every major decision in this journey for him. you are his leader, his lover. he is about to have the hardest possible job in the world with no understanding of how this job works. he hasnt been here for ten fucking years. he wants you. he wishes you could fix it, like you fixed everyone else.

its a weakness and a flaw.

wyll has flaws.

why would you want wyll to be perfect no matter what decisions u make? if you don’t like it—pick different decisions in the game and “earn” your happy ending, bc it DOES exist.

this is one of wyll’s most interesting narrative beats and us a fascinating thing to discuss and analyze. its part of a larger narrative, it serves a purpose in the story n to wyll’s story.

it IS cruel. thats the point. the story could not be going “this is fucked up” any more if it tried

you can transform the work any way u want, thats what fanfic n rp r for, but like

be uncomfortable! its supposed to make you uncomfortable! not every story is supposed to make you happy! some are meant to challenge your perception of a character n what you thought a character was possible of!

rant over, have a good night anon

[sickmachete]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals. 💌💛

um also maria addition: i did a below the cut where i spoke abt my relationship with each song so. if u wanna do that too... encouraged. i care. i wanna know. and i LOVE U👉👈 (pls dont feel heartbroken that im copy n pasting this part to a few of our mutuals too. i just love u guys sm ok) (kissing u elena kissing uuuuu)

MARIANARA SAUCE!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! there were so many songs on my playlist that i wanted to add but i stuck to the rules of the game 🫡

goo goo muck by the cramps

gay thoughts by the growlers

ghostbusters by ray parker jr.

the waves have come by chelsea wolfe

strong reflection by mars red sky

goo goo muck — the cramps: i owned 3 cramps t shirts from middle school to highschool (then i moved and lost em...i gotta find them again...): 1 was just black & white, 1 was black white & hot ass pink, and 1 was bright fucking yellow. all featuring that weird skeleton zombie man from the band's "bad music for bad people" album cover. i loved each and every one of those damn shirts. oh and every time i got my period id wear one of my cramps shirts to school. no idea if anyone actually caught on but it sparked a lot of joy in kid me LOL. the band itself is very grungy and reminds me sm of my childhood going to shitty backyard concerts

gay thoughts — the growlers: the growlers was one of the first bands i ever saw at a real concert, and it was one of the strangest grimiest experiences of my childhood. it took place inside this huge ornate theatre with barely any crowd. everyone was high, the singer kept leaving the stage in the middle of songs/during guitar solos to take a piss bc he kept drinking beers throughout the performance, there were boob shaped lamps lighting up the back stage. my sister was friends with one of the guitarists. and afterwards we got THE best sushi of my LIFE in THE most sketchy ass looking hole-in-the-wall restaurant. truly was just a huge vibe overall and one of the only fond memories i have with that sister. (also this song has the most ridiculous story ever?? questioning man keeps running off to gay drag shows and cheating on his girlfriend with men and it turns out his girlfriend's been using the time he's gone to ALSO cheat on him. but with women. queer4queer solidarity??? the yt video's great)

ghostbusters — ray parker jr.: ok yknow what. i keep trying to watch this movie and getting fucking bored midway through but my GOD does this song fuck. every halloween like clockwork i start blasting ghostbusters and the pure fucking euphoria it brings me is unparalleled. so i guess im not surprised i have it saved on one of my most listened to playlists SDGHJKFD

the waves have come — chelsea wolfe: different vibe than the previous songs and also i feel like i keep finding excuses to talk about this song but my fucking god it is just. so so very dear to me. i think it's genuinely held the number one spot for my most repeats on spotify for like. a DECADE. something about it dude i cant explain it. life changing. heartbreaking. like getting lost in a brutal storm at sea

strong reflection — mars red sky: dude that intro riff. bro... need i say more. low grungy riffs are EVERYTHINGGG if it isnt growling whats the POINT!!!!!!! this song feels like a cargo boat thats slowly rocking in an ocean made of smoke and tar. but also it's in the vacuum of space. and you're tripping balls

none of my super ridiculous cheesey 80s/90s songs got picked which is super fucked up... but oh well... next time maybe 🫶

[whumpshaped]

What oc is living rent free in your head right now?

We want pictures! We want rambles! We want chunks of scenes and favorite lines! This is a vent-about-your-blorbo free card! Go wild!

MAN OF THE DAY. MY BABY RAYAN.

i know i neglected his canon story for soooo long (i plan to finish it during the summer or whenever i have time- maybe it'll be earlier depending on how this year shakes out) but i keep using him for rp on discord and he's the best man. hes truly just. good egg personified

he has his flaws. everyone does. he has a tendency to be a little condescending to others, a tendency to mansplain a little... he has a bit of a saviour complex, a bit of moral superiority... he's good, he was raised to be good and nice and kind and respectful, and he has this noble goal of changing the world for the better, and honestly anyone who isnt working towards that has to be a bit misguided, right? this, paired with the fact that he's not immune to propaganda and harmful ideas......... ummmmm yea it can lead to Problems

BUT. at the core hes just such an absolutely squishy little man with the biggest heart. he really does want to do good. he wants to make people happy, he wants to love and be loved, he wants to touch people's hearts and make their lives better. he wants to marry a woman (lets say he wants to marry. hes in for some awakenings in his life) and open a dessert shop. he helps stray animals in his free time. he's just so ... he really is trying to make the world better in all the ways he knows how.

and because those rps usually included him getting the relationship he wanted sooo badly, i also know he's the best boyfriend ever. literally so caring and considerate and perfect. will bake you so many cookies. every birthday or occasion, hes READY with the prettiest tastiest cake of your dreams. also you get 'hey would you like to taste this before i try to sell it in the shop?' privileges.

nsfw

and that's not to mention he's a raging sub with both a praise AND a humiliation kink. also into pet play. if u want someone to sit and roll over for u, hes ur guy! just dont hit him. he cant handle pain to save his life. also dont forget aftercare (u wont be able to, he gets sooooo clingy, asking 'did i do well? did u enjoy it?')

[neptunesailing]

asks about your 1 oc

HI HI HELLO uh . i wasnt actually expecting sm1 to ask about my oc hahah anyway yyeeesss let me rant :))))c (there is lots of ramblings under the cut so)

their name is miharu amachi (if i accidentally say amagi its because its a typo they are not related to hiiro or rinne) pronouns they/them and he/him is ok for them too ^_^ they're like. i think 18 or 19 and they are an idol (yes they are an enstars oc) in the unit crescendo! which is an rp group im in with some friends :D ive drawn one of the other characters before (kiyama) and ive drawn miharu a couple of times too ^_^ (here and here) the colors are so inconsistent i need to make a character design. thingy soon < cannot because i am so busy all the time now

when you first meet them they come across as really calm and cool, and a little like an older sibling. they make sure that you're safe and as long as you are you can do whatever..! mostly. they are a very caring person and they want to make sure that everyone will be alright :D

SOME THINGS ABOUT MIHARU!! i sometimes will call them mimi because nicknames :) theyre mostly associated with green and they love plants. i dont mean like plants. i mean they LOVE plants. you go into their room you will see like five succulents on their desk and a bunch of hanging pots too. they love love plants.

SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! before being an idol, they are an actor! they've acted in plays and such since they were a child and only started doing films when they were a teen (id say like. 15? so they have like 4 years of acting experience) and with this theyve learned how to "act normal" around people so. angst potential anyone? :)

they also have a really nice singing voice! id say their voice is soft and smooth? yeah thats it. they mostly do harmonies in their discography also their dancing isnt All There but they are working on it !! they trip sometimes but its ok they know how to fall because acting 👍

sicne this is an enstars oc i have to say where they went to school! they went to yumenosaki for two years and then had an Unexplained gap year before they went back to the "new ES" < this is a premise/setting thing for the rp group its a whole thing basically the idol course is co-ed now and theres a new dorm building that crescendo is in and theres a whole nother event thats kinda like restructuring its a whole bunch i am Not explaining it well but yeah ^_^ its super fun weve had one session already and i cant wait for more

OOH OOH interactions with others... id say theyre more of a "go with the flow" type person? while in yumenosaki they were always like a backup / backstage dancer of sorts. their whole vibe is. backstage dancers and harmonies (both things they do) aren't needed to make good art, but they're nice to have! miharu isn't always needed but theyre nice to have :) i think a really important part of their character is trying to heal from what theyve experienced in the past (which is subject to change) and learning to accept that yes, you are an important part of this unit and we would miss you if you were gone!

uhm i cant think of what else to say. hope u liked my ramblings about my 1 oc

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

i am working through something and i wanted to express it somewhere but it feels too personal to say publicly.. and your blog feels like a safe place to confess things.. I want to go on hrt but am terrified of my mother's reaction. she knows im trans and is a lot more ok with it than she used to be but she still doesn't understand and is really bothered by her own lack of understanding. and my sense is that when my appearance changes from T shes going to hate it and be extremely upset. I'm an adult and I dont want to be controlled by my mother's feelings but due to my family dynamics growing up I have rotated around her feelings my whole life, its not as bad as it used to be but i still feel her feelings are dangerous and painful to me. I have a great support system, im blessed with so many friends and even my older siblings who I wasn't close with have been very supportive of me being trans. I dont need to be scared, materially I will be safe and loved even if my mother hurts me. but still its so terrifying to me. I want to get over this and not feel so dependent on her approval, but at the same time i dont even know if its possible. who can help wanting their mother to love them? or even more than love, because i know she does love me and thats really why its so hard, i want her to approve of me and be happy for me. I dont want the happiness i know i will feel from going on hrt to be ruined by her hating my life choices. my spiritual life is pushing me to take control of my life and bring my internal self and reality into the material, I know i cant keep ignoring my own physical desires and living with dissonance between the internal and external...so im moving towards that and i know i'll get there regardless its just terrifying and i wanted to talk about it.. uhh ya sorry this is so personal and emotional i hope it isnt uncomfortable for you or anyone else to read because i know these are really painful issues for many people. and i don't expect you to have any advice necessarily i know htese are huge issues to work through... i just wanted to express it and put it into the world that i'm working on this. thank you for letting me use your askbox to talk! hope your day is great

thankyou for trusting me with your confession anon <3 its not at all uncomfortable to me for you to confide your feelings.. Does anyone who's transitioned have supportive advice they cld leave for anon in the replies? i dont want to speak on something i havent personally experienced.

One thing i do relate to immensely is having a mother who doesn't try to see you as a unique individual, and becomes very displeased when u act in ways that don't align with her worldview. my mom will straight up tell me i look ugly with pink hair. my mom knows i make music but she's never asked to hear one of my songs. she doesn;t want to know about anything that interests me or my motivations in life. etc etc. and it's that same feeling of like, well, she does Love me i think, but i'll never feel that she truly approves of me. idk what the answer is..in my own life it has lead to me being quite a distant person, and rebellious in nature, i coped with it by purposefully leaning into the parts of me she disapproved of most. but idk if that's been healthy for me.

ultimately, we will disappoint everyone in our lives at one point or another.. Sometimes even when u try ur best to please someone it still doesn't work out. so please dont be too hard on urself <3 One thing im learning to cope with my ocd spirals (usually body dysmorphia or guilt related) is to "zoom out", try and redirect my thoughts to the bigger picture of life, it makes my own problems feel smaller in a way that doesn;t silence or dismiss them, just re-contextualizes them in that moment and makes it feel less imminent & overwhelming. mayb i can talk more about methods and analogies for this sometime.

Hope u can find some peace anon and i'm sure your hopes and dreams will materialize for u if u just keep going & focusing your energy on ur dreams. Stay safe <333 PMD9

[smoosnoom]

okay so i just watched fantastic mr fox like 2 days ago and realized that your pfp is ash!! ahh! please tell me your thoughts ab the the movie like literally tell me everything. i wanna brain rot but there’s genuinely not enough media ab it except for the same 2 audios

oh my god . u have no idea what u have done to me ok u have Ripped open pandoras box

for the sake of my own dignity ill be as brief as possible abt the main things haunting my brain constantly But if u want u can definitely send more fantastic mr fox asks 🙂

OK ! immediately i love the fact that mr fox is . literally the villain of his own story He is never satisfied with anything he has or kind of just . bases his own worth on how others perceive him which wow #real but also the antagonist and motivator of the entire story rly, and it is just . wow what a good move to have someone so fantastic (🙂) also be the problem . isnt that crazy

also following that with mrs. felicity fox's line of "i love u too but i shouldnt have married u" OHHHHMYMY GOD ....... died dead never coming back to life ever again . that was insane to say it is so devasting !!!! and its so real there are some people u love that shouldnt be in ur life and thats . well itisnt ok but its for the best And the audacity to include it in such a movie oh my god my heart shattered for real

and ash !!!! obviously my favorite he is so relatable in fact but i think its so interesting how he is shown to try to fit in and be as great as his father, but also openly showing disdain for his father, spitting and yelling at him while wanting to impress him at the same time like if that isnt real then idk what is . i think its also interesting how he kind of doesnt know how the impact of his own actions in a way, aggressive but apologetic when he's forced to think about it .

also the train scene with him and kris kristofferson ??? its so sweet it makes me want to explode it is so Youthfully Tender . does this make sense like it is so reminiscent of what kids are like, ash pausing his one-sided rivarly with kristofferson and kristofferson halting in his crying and they both watch this miniature train go around because they are just kids and enamoured wiht a train . oh my god

plus the whole (hand gestures) Different thing !!!!! the change from it being said flatly to it becoming something Fantastic . wowowowow and i think it is so great they never explicitly state what "different" means because it means something different for everyone !!! just Wow

i think the tree atop the hill is beautiful and i think mr fox's walkman is a wonderful touch and i think the water falling around them during the I Love You Too scene was gorgeous gorgeous gorgeousssss and the dance scene at the end means everything to me . idk if i said anything that hasnt been said before but i would love love loveeee to hear any thoughts u have to say !!!!!