#and everyone else is satanically ooc

[mysterycitrus]

where are the supporting casts in batman fic. why is everyone just hanging out at the manor. why are the only leaguers mentioned clark and diana and maaaaaybe ollie if his parenting is getting slammed. where is everyone. why does no one have any friends. why do the friends they do have no rich inner lives outside of batangst. is gotham city trapped under the gd simpsons movie dome. dick grayson blink twice if ur being held hostage

[vaulttecexec]

i could've sworn all of my muses were monsters or monster fuckers, but no, lucy is the only one who is neither. i believe in her, but my track record says it's not going to last long.

[lucifersdickriderdotnet]

Emergency Contact

Summary: Having siblings sucks. Having siblings who are constantly getting into life threatening situations is worse. 5.9k words.

Disclaimer: as usual, if they're ooc no. uhm. Diavolo and Barbatos are here and they are referred to as Lucifer's boyfriends but it's in like a fun jokey teasing way that siblings do. except Lucifer actually is dating Diavolo in my head so. asmo and solomon ARE dating because I want them to be. maybe next time I'll make solomon date satan. you can only call a man a cute kitty so many times before people get ideas. if you couldn't tell by the title and the summary, people get #sick and break their #bones. oh. there is one (1) cannibalism joke. not demoncest just bros being bros.

Notes: this took so long because I've never written a decent ending in my life and i spent two days on it. also that anon really pissed me off for some reason idk. if you don't like how anyone is characterized write your own fanfiction man idk. solmare doesn't even have consistency with this nonsense. Lucifer is nice to his brothers in this because I want him to be. amen.

It’s a little known fact that Lucifer is everyone’s emergency contact. When it comes to those he cares about, he is protective, almost annoyingly so. So, it makes sense that the person who knows everything about everyone should be in charge if something goes awry. His phone hardly ever rings for emergencies, half because his brothers’ manage to get themselves out of trouble through a series of convoluted and confusing hijinks and half because most of them would rather eat nails than call him to tell him something is wrong. He’s even Barbatos’ emergency contact, despite the fact that Barbatos has never been sick or injured.

When his phone does ring, though, it’s almost always because someone has managed to damage themselves beyond repair, which is why he’s staring at the caller id on his D.D.D. like he can make it stop ringing if he glares hard enough.

“Lucifer Morningstar speaking,” it hadn’t stopped ringing and Diavolo had almost reached across the table to answer it for him.

“Hello this is Devildom General Hospital. We received a patient today and your name was on his–”

“Who.” It comes out dull and flat. He’s gripping his fork so hard he can hear the metal squeak.

“Excuse me?” The demon on the other end of the phone sounds perfectly polite but Lucifer is already so strung out all it does is grate his nerves.

“Who are you calling for?”

“Mam–”

“I’ll be right there,” he’s standing up in a hurry, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and ignoring Diavolo’s many questions as he leaves their dinner.

“Sir, if you’ll just–�� he hangs up before the nurse can say anything else.

-

Mammon managed to break a bone or two in a scuffle he won’t tell Lucifer the details of.

“Do you know how hard it is to break a femur, Mammon?” Lucifer is gripping the steering wheel of the car so hard he’s surprised it hasn’t snapped in half.

“Pretty damn hard, all things considerin’.” Lucifer exhales sharply out of his nose and looks at his brother from the corner of his eye. He’s staring out of the window, and the white of his hair is dirty with mud and something red that Lucifer knows didn’t come out of his skull but worries him regardless.

“Mammon, this isn’t something to joke about.”

“I know,” he taps the hard cast of his leg with a bruised knuckle, “‘m the one with the broken bones.”

“If you know why are you doing it?” Lucifer can’t stop his voice from raising a few decibels towards the end of his sentence and has to mentally count to ten to not start screaming.

“‘Cause I just got the shit beat outta me ‘n’ I don’t wanna listen to yer lecturin’.” Mammon finally turns his head to stare at Lucifer and the elder looks away from the road for a second to meet his eyes. It’s not often that Mammon genuinely argues with him, not often that Mammon gets mad enough to let the blue of his eyes light with fury. Whatever happened tonight was not something that he wanted to happen, and it’s not something he needs a scolding for.

There’s a tense silence where Lucifer sighs and then flicks the turn signal, sliding across the lanes of traffic to take Mammon somewhere else before they go home.

“Did you win?” He’s pulling into Madame Screams’ drive through when he asks.

“‘Course I did.”

“Good.”

They both silently agree not to tell the rest of them about their little pit stop, and it’s as Lucifer’s pulling into the garage that he turns to his brother.

“Mammon.” A hum sounds from the passenger seat. “Next time, call me yourself. I don’t want it to be the hospital unless you’re physically incapable of talking.”

“Roger that.”

—

Lucifer is not known as the most comforting of his brothers. The six of them tend to rely on each other for that, going to Mammon or Beel if they have emotional troubles. Lucifer, as the oldest, is good for cleaning up messes. Putting things back together and making it look like nothing was ever amiss in the first place. It’s his job to protect them, from the world and from themselves, and he takes it seriously. Still, despite his brick wall in place of a heart and his general ineptitude when it comes to being affirming in any sense, he is not incapable of helping his brothers out of a tight spot. He’s just not preferred.

“Lucifer,” Levi’s voice is shaky and stuttering on the other end of the phone. He knew something was wrong when his phone started ringing in the middle of class. His brothers all know how much he hates distractions during class time, just like they know when he has a class so they don’t bother him. He knew something was worse when it was Levi’s name flashing across the screen. Levi refuses to call any of them unless the world is ending. He knew something was horrible when he remembered that today was one of the few days that Levi is mandated to come to campus.

“Yes?” He’s already left class walking down the hallway towards the abandoned wing where he knows Levi is. He keeps his steps measured and even, keeps his breathing calm. It won’t do to have two of them panicked at the same time.

“Are you busy?” They both know the answer to that question, just like they both know he’s going to lie.

“You caught me in the middle of a break. Why?” He tests the door handle for the swimming pool. Closed for renovations, the sign says. The same thing it’s said for the past several millennia. The door swings open without any effort on his part, the magic seal already broken before he got here.

“Would you like to go for a swim?” There’s a splash on the other end of the line. Lucifer snorts.

“I’m not one for water.” There’s silence and another splash and Lucifer lets out a heavy sigh. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Yay,” Levi says, soft and timid, and Lucifer can see him now, all of him, filling up the entire pool. He doesn’t get in yet, just removes a glove and sticks a finger in the water to let Levi know he’s here. He watches as the miles and miles of indigo scales shift and slide along each other until he’s face to face with thousands of sharp teeth.

“You’re going to break the pool again,” is what he says, voice dry. He sputters indignantly when that earns him salt water to the face. He’s soaked now, head to toe and he’s going to miss these shoes.

“Oops.” Levi’s voice is sprinkled with something mirthful, no longer halfway to tears as it was just a moment ago. “Get in. The water’s nice.”

“Yes,” Lucifer swipes a hand across his face to push his bangs back. Salt water drips into his eyes anyway. “I can see that.” 

Levi giggles and his face moves away, body coiling in, on, and over itself, too big to fully fit in the pool.

“You said you’d swim with me.”

“Yes. I suppose I did.”

Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t like swimming. He is not a bird that is built for water, and getting wet usually means being cold and grounded for a while. Truthfully, he’d rather finally open one of the many letters Michael has sent him over the years. Truthfully, he would do anything for his brothers. Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t think he’ll fit, but a promise is a promise, so he slides out of his uniform and climbs in.

Levi doesn’t ever tell him what made him so upset he rebroke R.A.D. 's pool, but he does leave a box of Princess’ Poison Apples on his desk the next morning, so Lucifer sets his sights on re-fixing the swimming pool. Maybe this time he’ll convince Diavolo to make it bigger.

—

Satan would rather rip his own teeth out with nothing but a Q-tip and a single milligram of ibuprofen to numb the pain than ever ask Lucifer for help. Their relationship is getting better, he will admit, but he’s filled with a rage towards the oldest that could melt even the strongest of metals, and it will take a while to temper the flame. So, no, he will not ask Lucifer for help, but, if he’s annoying enough about it, Lucifer will fix it anyways.

He starts by mentioning it to Asmo, squinting at him and saying that no, he can’t tell if Asmo’s eyeliner is uneven, because he can’t see.

“Can’t see?” Manicured fingernails are digging into his cheeks as Asmo grips his face and moves his head from side to side. He has to shelve books in his mind’s inner library to not rip his brother’s face clean off his head. 

“Doesn’t look like cataracts or anything,” Asmo hums, dropping his face. Satan massages his jaw slightly. “What do you mean you ‘can’t see’?”

“I meant what I said. Your face is slightly blurry and I can’t tell if your eyeliner is even because it just looks like a blob. Ergo. I can’t see.” Satan crosses his arms over his chest and dodges Asmo’s subsequent grabs for his face.

“Oh,” a snort, “you probably need glasses.” He turns back around to his vanity and Satan has to stop himself from saying no shit out loud.

“Glasses are for losers.”

“Lucifer wears glasses.”

“My point exactly.” Asmo twists his lipstick back down before popping the cap on and pulling open a drawer. He gestures for Satan to look inside and he does and–

“I didn’t know you wore contacts.”

“Not very many people do. Mammon has glasses too, you know. He’s sensitive to bright lights. The sunglasses indoors are not just a poor fashion statement,” Asmo sighs and shakes his head, like the image of Mammon wearing his sunglasses inside brings him physical pain. “And, I think Levi has some because all of those screens destroyed his rods and cones.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for calling you a loser.” Asmo waves him off.

“The point, Bitty, is that you wouldn’t be the first.” It wouldn’t be just you and Lucifer is what he’s saying. Satan nods and then frowns.

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Why?” Asmo reaches over to poke his cheek. He narrowly avoids getting a finger bitten off. His voice rises several octaves, turning into a coo. “You’re just an itty bitty baby– Ow, dammit fine.”

-

He then proceeds to complain about it as loudly as possible, as frequently as possible. No, he can’t help Mammon with his homework, the words are bleeding together. Yes, he does have to sit front and center now because otherwise the board is unreadable. No, he did not catch that last slanderous missive about Lucifer in the R.A.D. Newspaper because he couldn’t read the draft that was sent to him for editing. (He made Belphie read the drafts to him out loud and thought that the article was funny.)

“Satan,” everytime Lucifer has to talk to him he looks constipated and it makes Satan laugh inside.

“Big Bother.” Lucifer’s eye twitches.

“You have an appointment with the optometrist. Get in the car.” Satan sets his book down.

“Can’t Mammon take me?” He doesn’t want Mammon to take him. Still, it’s funny to see the vein pop on Lucifer’s forehead.

“... Get in the fucking car.”

Satan plays heavy metal in the car because he knows Lucifer hates it and makes him sit in the lobby during the actual check up because he thinks it’s funny to watch his leg bounce up and down. (And because Lucifer gets a copy of all of their medical records anyway. The freak probably checked Satan’s eyes himself while he was sleeping and already knows his prescription.)

“Those glasses look nice on you,” is all Lucifer says when he picks out the frames.

“I changed my mind. I hate these ones.” (He doesn’t.)

—

He’d been in his room, up to his eyes in paperwork when his phone rang. It’s not unusual for Asmo to call him, the younger always wanting to chat and gossip for as long as Lucifer will pretend to listen, but it is unusual for him to call in the middle of an Asmo Night.

“Hi Asmo, what–”

“Lucy!!” He has to pull the phone away from his ear to avoid rupturing the drum.

“I believe I have asked you not to–”

“Hey! Give me my–” There’s a scuffle on the other end before a voice that Lucifer recognizes as Solomon’s starts speaking.

“Lucifer! I believe Asmodeus has had enough for tonight and needs to be deposited home. I would do it myself, but as per our agreement, I am not allowed–”

“Within twenty feet of my front door. Yes, I know. I’ll come get him. Please keep him out of trouble until I get there.” He rubs the bridge of his nose before standing up and making his way to the door.

“Wonderful! Now, about that pact–” Lucifer hangs up before Solomon can finish the question and hits Levi’s door on the way down the stairs.

“Bed, Leviathan.” There’s a small squeak in response. “Or at least pretend to be sleeping. I can hear your game from out here.” The RPG music leaking from Levi’s room into the hallway quiets drastically.

He stops by the kitchen to find Asmo his crackers and a bottle of water before leaving, instructing Beel to carry himself and Belphie to bed on his way out.

Lucifer does not like parties. He thinks they are loud and annoying and too many people try to get handsy with him when really all he wants is to drink his Demonus in peace. He’s dealing with that now, batting off people’s hands and ignoring requests for a night alone as he makes his way to Asmo’s booth.

“Asmo,” Solomon’s voice is soft and fond as he rouses Asmo from a short nap, “Lucifer’s here. It’s time to go.”

“Mmkay.” Asmo rubs his eyes and gives Solomon a peck on the lips that Lucifer has to fight the urge to gag at. He crawls out of the booth and grabs Lucifer’s hand, and somehow the crowd parts to let him past with no fuss. They barely make it outside before Asmo is hurling all over the sidewalk and Lucifer is remembering that Asmo smells like warm, sugared peaches.

Asmo smells like peaches. Allegedly, he smells like whatever is the most alluring to you, but Lucifer thinks he has always smelled like peaches. He smells like the holy peach cobbler that Michael used to make in the Celestial Realm. Asmo smells like the peach flavored macarons that Barbatos makes when he and Lucifer have tea. He smells like the Georgia peaches the human made him try once. Asmo smells like peaches, he smells like home and love and care, and you would have to hold Lucifer at gunpoint to get him to admit this to his brother.

And now, Lucifer is getting a face full of that smell mixed with vomit as Asmo leans over a bush and loses whatever meager dinner Beel had shoved in him as well as half his body weight in alcohol. There’s a flash from the corner of his eye and he makes a mental note to follow up on that.

“It will sound hypocritical coming from me,” he starts and is promptly interrupted by another retch.

“Then don’t–good Diavolo, that tastes awful–say it.” Asmo takes the water bottle that Lucifer dutifully hands him and rinses his mouth out.

“Are you done?” Lucifer starts fishing around his jacket pocket for a pack of Asmo’s favorite crackers. They taste like flowers, allegedly, and they're one of the few things that Beel genuinely doesn’t like to eat.

“For now.” Asmo takes the crackers and starts munching on them gratefully, leaning heavily into Lucifer’s side as they both walk home.

“Thank you for coming,” he says. Lucifer scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I would never leave one of you alone.”

“Aww, that’s so–”

“The paperwork alone would take at least a decade.”

“Nevermind.”

-

If Lucifer hunts down the demon who took the picture and threatens them within an inch of their life, that’s between him and his Father. And if Asmo finds out and gives Lucifer a hug at breakfast the following morning, that’s between him and Mammon’s camera roll.

—

Lucifer hates Fangol. Well, that’s not true. He admires the dedication someone has to have to play it and to play it well. He admits that sometimes it’s fun to go to games and get caught up in the hype of the crowd. He also likes that it makes Beel happy. What he doesn’t like is sitting in the stands as his second youngest brother makes a game winning play and then gets tackled onto the turf so hard you can hear the sound his head makes when it hits the ground.

The crowd goes silent and the players and the band take a knee and Lucifer is half dragging half carrying Belphie down the stands to the ambulance as the EMT’s check over their brother.

“Sir, I understand–” The paramedic cuts themself off when they see whose shadows are looming over them. They heave a sigh and gesture to a patch of grass near where they have Beel laying on a gurney. “Try to avoid being in our way.”

It’s a fight to keep Belphie from being underfoot, but there isn’t one when Lucifer says he’s riding in the ambulance with Beel to the hospital. Only a curt nod and then a muttered threat in his ear that he rolls his eyes at and then their off.

“Sorry.” It’s the first thing out of Beel’s mouth after he’s done being asked routine questions.

“It’s not like you asked to receive a concussion.”

“We don’t know that it’s a concussion,” Beel says, wagging his finger slowly. Lucifer rolls his eyes.

“You told the paramedic you wanted to throw up and pass out at the same time.”

“Average Beelzebub activities.” It makes Lucifer snort, lips twitching up into a smile.

“That is the exact opposite of a Beelzebub activity. You’ll be okay, though.” The you have to be goes unsaid.

It turns out to be a concussion and Beel is barred from playing for a while and then everything is fine.

-

Lucifer has changed his mind, he definitely hates Fangol. He has half a mind to ban Beel from ever playing it again, but if he didn’t have something to focus his energy on, they wouldn’t have a House to live in.

He stayed home from the game, wanting to relax, for once, with a new cursed record and a bottle of his prized Demonus. He might have also paused the record to watch the stream of the game on his phone, but that’s neither here nor there. He’s busy cussing out one of the commentators for their clear bias against Beel–they haven’t been angels in literally thousands of years, people need to find a new excuse–when it cuts suddenly from a replay of the last down to a live feed from the field. And then his phone rings.

“Mammon,” he already knows what happened before he picks up.

“I know ya said not ta call ya tonight, but,” he sounds haggard, and his accent gets thicker when he’s panicking, “ya also said not ta let the hospital call ya so–”

“Mammon,” it comes out snappier than he wants it to and he has to soften his voice when he opens his mouth again, “breathe. What’s happened?”

“Dear Father who art in Heaven–” Lucifer curses again because Mammon only reverts to praying when something is seriously wrong. “Beel got tackled ‘nd– Lucifer, ya could hear the crunch from Diavolo’s good seats.” Lucifer sucks in a breath and considers sending up a couple prayers himself.

“I’m on my way. Beel will– Beel will be okay, Mammon. He’s strong.” He hears Mammon’s assent from the other end of the line just as he hears Levi mumble something to Mammon.

“Oh, yer kiddin’.”

“What? Mammon, what’s going on?”

“We can’t fin’ Belphie.”

“Shit.”

-

If Lucifer breaks traffic laws on his way to the stadium, no one who pulls him over will be able to make anything stick for very long. He watches as the ambulance pulls away and his D.D.D. buzzes with a message.

Mams

I went with Beel. Everyone’s still tryna find Belphie.

“Lucifer–” he’s met with an armful of brothers before he can put his phone back in his pocket and he’s not strong enough to pretend he doesn’t want to hug them back.

“Did you find–”

“No, obviously not Levi, he just fucking got here.”

“Satan, now is not the time–”

“I’ll decide when the fucking time is, Asmo. Did you see what they did to our–”

“Yeah, I was sitting right next to you. You’re not the only one who’s upset–”

“Guys,” Lucifer raises his voice above their arguing. “Now is not the time.” He hands Diavolo his keys, grateful, for once, at his many attempts to bond with his brothers. “Will you please take them to the hospital? I have a brother to find.”

It doesn’t take him long to find Belphie, but it does take a toll on his knees.

“Belphegor.” He wonders how the youngest climbed on top of the press box without anyone noticing.

“The stadium lights are too bright,” Belphie says, “you can’t see the stars. They drown them out. It’s a bad omen, Lucifer.”

“Belphegor, please come back down.”

“I can’t see them, Lucifer.” His voice is thick with tears.

“They’re still there, Belphie. I promise.”

“We made them together, and I can’t see them.”

“If you come back down we can visit Beel and the two of you can find them together.” Diavolo’s Father help him, he is not climbing on top of that box to bring Belphie down himself.

“Promise?”

“On my life.”

The bad thing about the press box for the R.A.D. stadium, is that the ladder has rusted away. People never go on top of it to watch or film the game anymore because they started to use magic to get the good camera angles. The bad thing about the press box is that when Belphie makes to climb down he slips and has nothing to grab and lands on the concrete stadium seating with a snap that makes Lucifer’s stomach churn.

-

“I can’t believe you fell while getting down. That’s like, one hundred times easier than goin’ up.” Mammon is beside himself with laughter while he doodles on Belphie’s cast.

“Haha. Laugh it up Mammon. When I’m out of this thing, I’m going to break every bone in your body.” Mammon rolls his eyes at Belphie’s threat.

“The witches have used that one before. Try again.”

“What are you, a magic eight ball?”

“Reply hazy. Try again later.”

“You know,” Asmo says from his spot opposite Mammon, doodling on Beel’s cast, “it is kind of cool that you guys managed to break the same bone.”

“It’s because we’re twins.” Beel says, smiling brightly.

“Yeah,” Satan snorts, “or cause you’re both stupid.”

“I’m just glad you’re both okay,” Levi cuts in before Belphie and Satan can start in on each other.

“Indeed. Although, I believe it’s best that Fangol is heading into its off season.” Lucifer says, and there’s noises of agreement throughout the room.

—

It’s a simple fact of life that Lucifer doesn’t get sick. The Demon King is asleep, the Earth’s year is 365 (365.25) days long, the Crown Prince of the Devildom hates pickles, Michael is a massive loser, and Lucifer doesn’t get sick. He does not get sick or injured or cursed or hexed or anything of the sort because he does not have the time. Except. Except he is most definitely sick right now.

Belphie realized something was wrong when Lucifer didn’t come down for breakfast. He’s a stickler for meal times, always wanting them to share a meal together. Something about family and tradition and will you just do what I say for once that Belphie doesn’t care about or want to listen to. He comes to breakfast and dinner and lunch on the weekends anyway, because Beel does, not because Lucifer wants him to. So, when he looks up from his spot at the table, the cloth permanently drool stained despite the oldest’s best efforts, and watches all of his brothers leave except Lucifer, he gets confused.

“Beel,” he asks, tilting his head just so, “did Lucifer have a meeting today?” Usually he would tell them. Several times throughout the week if it was planned and then again in the morning before he leaves. He’s weird like that, he doesn’t like not knowing where everyone is. Belphie thinks he’s a control freak, even if he finds knowing his brother’s whereabouts comforting.

“No,” Beel says this around a mouthful of muffin, “I don’t think so.”

“Hmm. Well. I guess we’ll see him at school.”

-

They do not, in fact, see him at school. Mammon shares first period with him, which means he can never skip the first hour and a half of R.A.D. Except today, there’s no harsh pokes in his back whenever he starts to zone out, and there’s no pointed coughs when he pulls out his phone and starts playing games. He looks around and there’s no Lucifer.

Demon Brothers

Mams: ayo. where is. lucifer.

Catan: he’s not in class?

Mams: if he was I wouldn’t be askin.

Catan: the phone screen makes you bold, brother. watch yourself.

Mams: o7 aye aye cap’n.

Beel: Belphie says he wasn’t at breakfast either

Mams: is belphie’s phone broke???

Beel: he says typing is too much effort

Mams: understandable have a nice day

Asmo: o.o Lucifer not at breakfast? But he’s always weird when we miss it!

Catan: typical Lucifer hypocrisy

Levs: you know he can still read this chat right?

Catan: when has that ever stopped me -_-

Levs: you guys have hit like all of the Summoning Lucifer Bullet Points

Levs: 1. Mention his name fifty times

Levs: 2. Blow up his phone

Levs: 3. Text during class time

Levs: 4. Slander him at least once

Levs: 5. Ask about his private business/goings on

Beel: and yet

Mams: no Lucifer

-

The real header comes during the afternoon, when Lucifer doesn’t show up to the scheduled Student Council Meeting.

“Alrighty!” Diavolo says, chipper as ever, “when Lucifer gets here, we’ll start the meeting. He has all of the paperwork, anyway.” 

So they wait. And they wait.

“Yo, dude,” Mammon calls to Diavolo and he turns his head, Barbatos coughs into his fist at the lack of formality. “I don’t think Lucifer is gonna show.”

“Yeah,” Belphie yawns, “he wasn’t in school today, either.”

“Or at breakfast, apparently.” Levi says, though it’s hard to hear him over the music of his game.

“That is. Odd. Is he still at home, then?” Diavolo pulls out his phone and starts texting.

“No use,” Asmo says, “we’ve been bothering him all day.”

“Privately and in the group chat,” Satan adds. “Though, he may not have opened my messages because they were all cursed.”

“He didn’t open mine either,” Beel says. “I think he’s just been off his phone.”

“Unusual,” Barbatos says, stepping out of his shadowy corner. “Perhaps something is amiss?”

“With Lucifer?” Asmo sounds incredulous, lowering his compact just long enough to arch an eyebrow at the butler before tapping more powder on his face. “Nothing is ever wrong with Lucifer.” Belphie yawns before nodding in agreement and adding his own two cents.

“Even when we curse him things aren’t wrong. He always manages to make it seem so … normal.”

“I remember that time his pants kept falling down,” Levi says. “I thought it would make him less intimidating. I was wrong.” He shudders. “Very wrong.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Barbatos says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why does he do anythin’?” Mammon stands up as he says this, grabbing his bag and his phone and making his way towards the door. “Lucifer does what he wants and shows no remorse for it.” There’s a pause where he remembers the Fall. “Mosta the time.”

“Well, if we aren’t going to do anything,” Asmo’s compact shuts with a click, “I have people to do and things to see.”

“It’s ‘things to do and people to see’, Asmo,” Satan says, following his brothers out.

“I know what I said.”

Barbatos and Diavolo watch as the brothers leave, one by one, all citing different excuses before sharing a look.

“Is it rude to stop by people’s homes uninvited, Barbatos?” Diavolo asks, pushing his chair back.

“Yes. But in cases where Lucifer is concerned, manners and politeness have never stopped you, my Lord.” Barbatos follows behind the Prince, steps silent in contrast to the clacking of Diavolo’s shoes on the Academy’s stone floors. Diavolo’s laugh echoes throughout the hallway.

“I suppose you’re right. Come, I believe I must pay a visit to my right hand.”

“Always.”

-

The House is cold when Diavolo gets there. He can hear Beel rummaging in the kitchen, and Belphie’s soft snores accompanying him. He can hear Levi and Mammon fighting over something and he can hear the thud of books falling over in Satan’s room. He can hear Asmo because Asmo greets him when he enters.

“Oh, hey!” He waves excitedly, before pointing at his feet. “Which shoes do you think look better with this outfit?”

“I think they both look nice,” Diavolo replies and Asmo pouts.

“Not helpful.”

“The ones on your left, Asmodeus.” Barbatos’ eyes peer from behind Diavolo’s shoulder and Asmo smiles in response.

“Thanks! Hey,” he tugs the shoe on his right foot off and tosses it into a pile next to the door before grabbing his left foot’s twin from seemingly nowhere, “you guys didn’t see Solomon out there, did you?”

“I thought I told you that he isn’t allowed within twenty feet of the front door.” Lucifer’s normal baritone is raspy with sickness, vocal cords raw from coughing.

“He’s not going to be within twenty feet. He’s going to stand an inch outside of the barrier.” Asmo turns and places his hands on his brother’s shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him back towards the living room. “I also thought I told you to lie down and sleep. I suppose we both aren’t good at listening, hmm?” Lucifer grumbles at him despite following Asmo’s guidance to the couch.

“I heard the door open.” Diavolo follows the duo towards the living room, Barbatos his ever present shadow.

“There are six other people who can answer it.” He watches as Asmo pushes Lucifer into a sitting position and shoves blankets around him.

“That’s what I worry about.” Asmo rolls his eyes.

“Stop being a baby and just lay down. How can you catch Mammon and string him up by his toenails if you can’t go a second without coughing?”

“I can,” Lucifer pauses to cough, “I can take any one of you down, even in this weakened state.”

There’s a snort from the entrance to the kitchen as the twins walk in, Beel carrying soup and Belphie carrying nothing.

“You couldn’t block even the lowest level curse from Satan at this rate.” Belphie says, curling up on the couch next to Lucifer and resting his head on his lap.

“I could–”

“You’re very strong, Lucifer,” Asmo placates, patting his older brother’s head condescendingly. “Now, eat your soup and shut up. I have a date to get to and I’m running late.”

“Maybe I should cough on you so you can’t go anymore.” The threat is empty, but Asmo’s smile still sharpens in response.

“Maybe I should take a seam ripper to all of your clothes,” he turns on his heel. “Oh, also. Diavolo is here.” The responding squawk Lucifer lets out sends him into another coughing fit, one that disrupts the sleeping Belphie on his lap.

“My Lord,” Lucifer makes to get up and is physically yanked back down by Belphie, “I apologize for not greeting you earlier.”

“No worries! You didn’t show up to the meeting today, and you weren’t answering your phone, so I stopped by to see how you were.” Diavolo gestures to the bottles of cold medicine on the coffee table and the bowl of soup being shoved at Lucifer by Beel. “It seems you are all taken care of.”

“Indeed. I appreciate your concern–”

“Beel, Lucifer’s boyfriend was worried about him. Isn’t that sweet?” Beel nods at Belphie’s joke, resting his head against the side of Lucifer’s knee from his newly acquired spot on the floor.

“The sweetest. Someone tell Asmo he’s being beaten in the best boyfriend competition.” There’s twin thunks as Lucifer smacks the both of them on the head, face now flushed with something other than fever.

“That’s enough out of you two.” He sighs and looks back up at Diavolo and Barbatos. “Would the two of you like to stay for dinner? Satan’s in charge tonight and he likely won’t poison it since I’m too ill to eat much of anything.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” Diavolo sits in an empty armchair that he thinks is Lucifer’s regular seat when his phone buzzes.

Emergency Chat ONLY

Belphie: hey satan, lucifer’s boyfriend is staying for dinner

Catan: man. now I can’t put this human world poison I found in it.

Belphie: probably wouldn’t work anyway

Beel: Barbatos is also staying

Belphie: my apologies Beel. you’re right

Belphie: lucifer’s boyfriendS are staying for dinner

Levs: this is great

Levs: I wanted to talk to Diavolo about the new chapter of the manga we’re reading

Mams: the rule is no loser talk at the dinner table

Levs: why do you open your mouth so much then

Mams: i’m gonna fucken get you

Asmo: if Lucifer gets to bring his boyfriends why can’t i bring Solomon

Catan: because Solomon sucks.

Catan: actually

Catan: would Solomon be able to con a fever high Lucifer into a pact

Mams: the downside here is that Solomon would be at dinner

Beel: I’d lose my appetite

Asmo: he’s not that bad

Asmo: and don’t lie Beel

Asmo: we aren’t going to let him cook

Asmo: we aren’t stupid

Lucifer: This chat is for emergencies only.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner

Lucifer: If I see Solomon anywhere near the House I will find a way to reverse his immortality.

Catan: wear a blindfold

Asmo: kinky

Catan: freak

Lucifer: I believe I also told you to stop referring to Diavolo and Barbatos as my boyfriends.

Mams: sucks 2 suck

Levs: L moment

Lucifer: I also believe they are in this chat.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner.

Belphie: keep up old man

Lucifer: I will remind you that you’re laying in my lap.

Belphie: what’re you gonna do

Belphie: cough on me??

Levs: chat, clip this

Mams: what was that scream???

Diavolo: Belphegor.

Barbs: Lucifer did more than just “cough on him.”

Mams: oh damn.

Mams: so what’s for dinner 

Beel: Lucifer says Belphegor stew

Mams: I thought it was Satan’s turn to cook????????

Catan: lucifer just tried to shove belphie in the oven.

Barbatos: With no seasoning? How revolting.

Diavolo: Demons taste better fried, anyway.

Mams: PARDON???

[akutasoda]

Hii can I request the obey me brothers with a teen mc who’s like bitter, rude and insults people for no reason and hates everyone with a passion. But then one day they just sneaked into the brothers rooms at night wanting comfort while at the edge of tears

even when words hurt

synopsis - even when you insult them, they'll offer you a shoulder

includes - lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, belphegor, beelzebub - all platonic

warnings - gn!teen!reader, fluff, angst with slight comfort, small mention of hurting reader, ooc?(mainly belphie), wc - 2k

lucifer ★↷

lucifer could never say he was impressed when he first met you. he was always one the fence per say with the whole student exchange program but went along with it because it was diavolo's insistence - and now the exchange student was extremely rude. he would begrudgingly admit that it was partly his fault for not reading through the files correctly.

by no means was he amused by how rude and blunt you were toward anyone and everyone, especially his brother's and the prince. it was rude of him to think and very wrong, but if you ever insulted the wrong demon and received consequences he wouldn't exactly feel any sympathy for you.

he would constantly nag you and tell you off for your rude remarks - to which always resulted in you insulting him as well. you really weren't a help to him as you would always drag yourself into trouble and he'd have to sort it out. he assumed this year was going to go extremely slow and he wondered what he had done to recieve you as a punishment.

however, as much as he seemed to be fed up with you there must've been atleast a small part of him that cared. otherwise why would he be conforting you in the middle of the night? he was finsihing paperwork formd diavolo and he had heard the creak of his door fron across the room, immediately assuming it was one of his brothers he told the figure to go away.

however he noticed the figure wasn't moving and he awears he could herlar sniffles. finally looking up from his paperwork he would recognise it as you even in the dim lighting. he was rather apprehensive and didn't quite know what you would want. but when he could in fact confirm you were crying he froze.

he wasn't exactly sure what to do in this situation and rather apprehensively offered you to come closer and tell him whats wrong. what really caught him off guard was when you immediately closed the distance and started sniffling more into his chest. if it were anyone else he'd push them off, but for some reason he let you stay as he offered you reassurance as you cried.

mammon ★↷

mammom really thought you were kind of annoying. he didn't like at how rude and blunt you were with everyone and would constantly snap back if you ever insulted him which would then lead to you and him getting into a complete argument of sorts. he wasn't looking forward to you staying the year as the exchange student.

whenever he caught you being rude to somebody he wouldn't interfere until afterwards when he could really complain how weird of a human you were. a part of him wanted to sympathise with your situation as the exchange student and perhaps you were just scared but you were incredibly spiteful to anyone - so he kind of hated you.

but that same sympathy would be the reason he wouldn't push you away when you sought him out for comfort. he wasn't exactly expecting to be shook awake in the middle of the night, at first he assumed it was lucifer who had caught on to one of his more recent schemes but when he opened his eyes he was met with your face.

he wanted to be snarky and demand you get out of his room but he could tell something was wrong. mainly because mammon knew that your rude persona wouldn't bring you into his room in the middle of the night. he would slowly sit up and before he could get a word out, you hugged him. and while you hugged him, he tell you were slowly starting to cry.

he froze immediately. he didn't exactly know what was wrong or why you had come to him of all people and so for a while he sat there awkwardly as you cried. eventually he would put aside how rude you had been to him and let you cry it out and then he'd get you to tell him what was wrong. so he could help.

leviathan ★↷

leviathan wasn't exactly open to talking to the human exchange student, especially when they were rude and had a passionate hatred for anyone. it really deterred him from talking to you as he didn't want to become a victim to your harsh tongue.

he would often avoid you, mainly because he spent alot of his time in his room, and only saw you in fleeting glances in hallways or at the dinner table. however he would hear from his brothers about how you insulted them or some random demon at RAD and that made him feel rather glad he stayed away from you, even though he felt cruel about that.

he couldn't of guessed in thousands of years that you'd seek him out for comfort. he barely interacted with you and actively avoided you but here you were standing in his doorway on the edge of tears. although he could guess his absence made you turn to him, you insulted everybody else and probably doubted they'd want to console you because of that.

he was sat in his tub, playing some game on his phone, when you abruptly opened his door and closed it behind you. he looked at you questionly and panicked a little when you quickly walked over to him. levi was scared you were going to insult him but quickly realised the that you were on the edge of tears and became clueless.

he didn't know how to console anyone let alone a human! so after a while of awkward silence he hesitantly asked if he could do anything and when he was met with no response - apart from some sniffles - he turned to one of his comforts. he handed you his phone and offered to show you how to play the gam, hoping that it would help you calm down and take your mind off things.

satan ★↷

satan absolutely despised how rude and bitter you were. you were the human exchange student, you should be grateful that things were out in place to ensure your safety and yet here you were insulting everyone and anyone that came near you. he would surprise himself with how much patience he had when it came to your rudeness.

he guessed a part of that came from the fact that he assumed you were simply going through a 'rebellious teenage phase'. but even so, surely you'd reason with yourself and tone it down with literal demons. this all did little to stop how angry he could get when you insulted him however.

he was the avatar of wrath. a being of pure anger, you're insults toward him would annoy him ten times more than anyone else. and yet he would still comfort you when you snuck your way into his room with tears in your eyes. he had heard someone open his door and immediately woke as he couldn't quite think who would be here.

he was almost angry. almost, but then he saw you peeking out from behind one of his many stacks of books. he could tell you were on the edge of tears and didn't push you away when you rushed over to him. he could understand you in that moment. he too was extremely rude and had a hatred for anyone ages ago but he had learnt how to deal with his emotions. perhaps you just needed someone to help you with yours.

asmodeus ★↷

asmodeus was really put off by how bitter you were. in a weird way, he was looking forward to seeing who the human exchange student was and at first he thought you were alright but then you started insulting everyone around you. he really didn't want to talk to you after that.

he doubted you could insult him but his ego was surprisingly fragile and thought it was better not to risk it. he really couldn't understand why you seemed to simply hate everyone, you'd never met any demons before and he could take a reasonable guess that you were like this to everybody, demon or not.

however he did worry for you. surely that rude persona was bad for you in many ways and so he had little problems when you came searching for him for comfort. when you shook him awake he was a little bit surprised and a bit annoyed that somebody ruined his sleep but when he saw your trembling face, he couldn't care less for his sleep.

he would immediately sit up and offer you a hug and if that was your breaking point for tears, he would've mind. he'd simply reassure you and let you cry before slowly coaxing you to talk about what bothered you and listening diligently.

beelzebub ★↷

beelzebub was a bit indifferent to your bitter, rude personality. on one hand you insulted his brothers and anyone else that came near you which he didn't like. but on the other he could try and think of reasons why you so quickly insukted people and he felt kind of bad for you - mainly down to the reasons of you being a teen and you being scared.

he really couldn't help but look out for you in the hallways at RAD, knowing you were prone to insulting people made him worry that you'd upset the wrong demon. he didn't really care when you insulted him. sure some of them stung but he really couldn't bring himself to feel offended or insulted by then.

and so would be another that has absolutely no issue offering you comfort. he had briefly nipped to the kitchen to have something to eat and when he got back he saw you sat on the edge of his bed and immediately got concerned. he quickly closed the gap and sat beside you and asking if you needed something.

if that was when you broke into tears, he'd give you a hug and let you cry it out. if not he'd listen to anything you'd have to say and try his best to offer you support and comfort.

belphegor ★↷

belphie also absolutely detested how rude and bitter you were. the absolute nerve of you, the human exchange student to be rude and insult all the demons that definitely wanted you dead. he had heard all the stories and complaints his brothers had from up in the attic and he was gald he was locked up there.

when you first ventured up into the attic, belphie opted to stay silent and let you pass. he did not want to deal with you as he already opposed to the whole human exchange student idea and now the exchange student was a bitter teen. he would wait until you left for sure before he even dared to move or make a sound.

the second time you ventured up into the attic, belpie opted to stay silent again. however he let his curiosity get the better of him as he could sense something was different, you didn't seem as snarky weirdly enough. and he was proven correct when he saw you huddled up in a corner as you curled in on yourself.

he was about to just let you be but then he heard sniffles and watched you make an attempt to wipe the tears that threatened to fall. he hated the human student exchange idea, he hated the human that was chosen but he called out to you with no malice intended. you were obviously startled and he simply asked what was wrong.

he would then proceed to listen to you rant to him and even let you stay up in the attic for as long as you wanted. belphie wanted to hate you. he wnated you out of devildom, especially because you were young, but yet he didn't mind you staying.

[forsakenwitchery]

It's been a long time since I've really ranted about something on here but like.

HOTD is just… On another level of bad? At some point this season, I got so tired of getting angry with the writing I just straight up started laughing at almost every single scene. I managed to find a sliver of enjoyment in the shitshow what S2 turned out to be. Not anymore.

Small costest backstage at the end because I felt like looking at myself smiling after writing all this down lol

Having seen some and read about some E8 leaks I'm just… I guess I'm checking out. What they've done to the Greens and specifically Aemond this season is Merlin's 'Morgana suddenly full evil' level of shit writing. And I can't handle yet another favorite nuanced character of mine being stripped of any nuance by the shit writers. But at least with Morgana there was a lot of her, and with Aemond it's 2 minutes of peak character assassination per episode and it isn't cutting it.

I feel so bad for Ewan and the rest of the Green actors who gave it their all - and in some scenes you can clearly see Ewan giving his all trying to fight the shitty writing, but there's only so much an actor can do with a script so bad.

Like when in ep. 5 everyone kept referring to Aemond as if he's suddenly Satan incarnate (Alicent, Daemon ahhh pretty sure there was someone else this episode ‘cause I remember three characters) I knew they decided to flip the switch with Aemond suddenly going full caricature villain (and yeah he was no saint BUT LIKE BBQ-ING HIS BRO?) with no proper buildup for it but HOLY SHIT I didn’t think it would be ‘blink and he’s full on sociopathic villain’. And the way they really did try and hammer that point home with him yanking Helaena now is just… Fucking wild. But like, he wasn’t wrong with dismissing Alicent who turned out to be the biggest traitor on TG this season (RIP S1 Alicent). He’s not wrong in saying they need Dreamfyre. But the show sure did go about him technically not being wrong yet showing it in the worst way possible very... head-on and with lacking any nuance. It truly feels like Condal & Co just couldn’t handle how popular Aemond became in S1 and gave him as little screen time as possible while simultaneously trying to make him as unsympathetic and suddenly 180 as possible. Which just doesn’t work without the proper buildup if you stop to think for even one second.

Then we’ve got Alicent who drilled it into her sons’ heads they’ll be dead unless they fight Rhae and now she’s also 180 and doesn’t understand why they want to fight and turns out to be the biggest traitor basically surrendering her children, the city and her brother to the woman whose husband killed her grandchild. The fuck did S1 Alicent go? Can we see her? Is she in the room with us? You know, the one jumping Rhae with the knife for Aemond? By all means, she and Aemond should have had a dynamic akin to Cersei and Joffrey’s if they were dead-set on making Aemond pretty much THE (only) villain in the show (which should have been about everyone being a criminal lmao). But like… We came to THIS? THE FUCK. THE FUUUUCK. Like imagine for one second Cersei pretty much throwing her kids to their enemies. This is. I don’t know which level of bad writing is this. We’re so far past the rock bottom at this point, the bottom doesn’t exist, the depths this season has reached don’t even have a proper name.

Then we’ve got Helaena. All season I’ve been waiting to see more of her. All season. And I waited. And waited. Her being the Dreamer sounded cool on paper. And they just ended up using her as a device to show ‘Aemond bad’ again? And HELP DAEMON? And like... to spoil the end of the story for those unfamiliar? THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Like damn, I knew they were baiting us with the promo and I knew it would be OOC for her to want to fight but at the same time I was kinda hoping at least she’d want to? Like she’s sane in the show. Her son was beheaded in front of her eyes. I kept hoping this show would have at least ONE female character actually willing to fight, but no. The balcony scene was good. But in spite, not thanks to what the writers clearly meant for this scene to be. Phia and Ewan really did give this scene their all and try to add nuance where they just once again tried to write Aemond off as a dick.

I haven’t seen the Aegon scene but apparently, they tried to make him look dumb again? And since there’s no rush to vacate KL in the show, why the hell didn’t he try to at least take his daughter with him? Like we get it, show, you hate the Greens and therefore all the Greens hate each other apparently (not buying it no matter how much you’re selling it tho), so him not bothering with Helaena is like okaaaay suuuure (not), but HIS KID? He was the hightlight of the first part of this season, and now we're... back at it again. Yay.

Also tbh I hated Daemyra as a concept in S1 as a ship but I LOVED their dynamic if it makes sense. It was truly interesting and both characters really shone in their shared scenes, so when Rhae’s arc this season started to feel like Groundhog Day I really missed Daemyra since at least their push and pull with Daemon made her feel more alive and interesting idk. But like. Their reunion scene looks like a grand meh? Daemon looks like he cares. Rhae came off to me like she doesn’t give a single fuck about him. Rhae in general was one of my fave characters in S1 and now it’s just. Huh? Them trying to saintify her absolutely ruined the character for me, she’s just so bland now which with her amount of screen time just… Doesn’t make for a very compelling show.

So. Yep. Those are my thoughts and feelings. tbh I don’t even know when I became so attached to the Greens. Like maybe it was in spite of the show trying to ruin and ignore them. Sort of like when you start rooting for the underdogs. But now I just feel really hollow and drained and sad for the actors. On both teams tbh, ‘cause like… What even is the point of this show anymore? There’s no war. Aemond is the only one who’s willing to wage it and the show villainizes him for it. Even in ep. 8 Rhae still says she doesn’t wanna fight the war. What did we spend 8 episodes, then, on aside from some character assassinations?

What’s the point if you don’t really feel anything towards most of the characters? Not even anger or apathy? ‘Cause like, I couldn’t care less when Rhaenys died. I’m sure when Jace kicks the bucket it would be the same. If the characters themselves can’t be bothered (where’s the aftermath for Blood and Cheese ffs?), why and HOW the hell should the viewers care? I’m sure they’ll find a way to make even Helaena’s death as meaningless as possible with giving her zero agenda in the matter.

I truly don’t think I’ll be watching S3. I don’t think I have it in me to witness how they screw up the Greens even more than they already did. It’s not even fun anymore how dumb the show is, it’s just draining. Motivations and relationships changing 180 between episodes or even during them (sometimes even during scenes), major events not phasing anyone and having no consequences. Characters the show chose as THE main characters living in Groundhog Day with nothing to do. We’re supposed to just believe the characters are suddenly completely different than they were weeks/months ago in show’s time just because the show says so. HOW ABOUT NO?

I’m only holding out hope for Daeron but at this point? I’m sure he’ll have a total o 1-2 minutes of screen time each episode as well and they’ll ruin him somehow, too. Still funny though how him and Aemond are both 16 which I’m sure is just another writing plot hole but on the off chance it isn’t… The only cool and redeemable thing the show can do at this point in my eyes is make Daeron and Aemond twins. You know, at the very least to give Ewan the screen time he deserves AND give him some better material to work with. But ah well.

At this point I’m choosing to more or less ignore everything that’s happened in S2, ‘cause the sure itself sure as hell ignored 2/3 of it, so why can’t I. Honestly, I want to do a full Helaena and Aemond cosplay, not a costest, if not for any other reason than to freaking forget S2 ever happend and maybe do some scenes which should have been in it, shippery or not. tbh I wasn't even shipping Helaemond until I saw Ewan and Phia's interviews about them and I was SO HYPED. And Tom's interviews. I was so hyped for siblings interecting in general and I feel like both the actors and the audience were done dirty in the worst way possible.

Also also the last thing I want to say is that it's super sad to see viewers turning on Aemond because it's so clear that's what the show wants everyone to do and neither Aemond nor Ewan deserve it. That's very telling of how badly he's written this season, he's not a villain you love to hate, he's just there for people to hate him. I hope at least Ewan doesn't get hate for his character, but we all know some people are braindead enough to project characters onto actors, so... :(

ALSO ALSO ALSO I don't really feel like fighting over this show because I don't think it deserves any more of my nerve cells, so should anyone decide to come at me for this post don't bother, I'll just reply with print screening this part. But it's kinda funny how tumblr seemed to have an actual war over this show when the show straight up refused to commit to anything.

To everyone who has read thus far – here, have some cute backstages from our costest. I’m sure we could all use a hug and a laugh. I know I could.

[ankiebitez]

Could I request WHB Mammon dating headcanons please?

Mammon Dating Headcanons

note: im sorry this is kinda short lmao i haven't written for mammon before so it might be ooc but i tried, if i think of more ill add on to it

warnings: some nsft, mentions of anal

even though he thinks he owns everything, he would want do it properly and ask you to be official before assuming you're together. he'll 1000% spoil you first though, sending you gifts such as things you mentioned wanting, clothes, and sending flowers daily to the point the gehenna palace is FLOODED with flowers and gifts. you'll have to stop satan from trying to tear them up, but even then mammon will just send you even more if he does.

to me tbh he just seems like he'd want to do all of the traditional dating things so that he can show off to you so it's without being said that he'll take you out on dates to extremely expensive places, but if theres a place you want to go thats more toned down he'd still enjoy himself being by your side

if you ever feel tired or like your bodies sore he'll scoop you up and cary you around everywhere

speaking of, his aftercare would consist of carrying you around as well. there's no way you wouldn't be sore after fucking so at least he's considered and not letting you limp around . he'll also have people to massage, bathe, and take care of you if you want to, a soak in a nice hot bath being pampered and some healing stuff from paradise lost (thanks to buer) you'll be good as new

we already know he likes ass so i have no doubt he'd be into anal or ass eating tbh. rip your ass bc thats definitely gonna be a challenge.

if you want to have things be open and date other people as well i feel like he wouldn't mind, he likes that you're being greedy and wanting many partners. you're his master, and he owns everyone else, so he doesn't mind it

if you want, he would absolutely make it so you dont have to work anymore, he has enough wealth that taking care of you and getting you anything you want is nothing to him. he's like the final boss level sugar daddy

[cerberus-new-owner]

I've returned with yet another headcannon / rant thingy on the brothers / everyone buuuuuuuuut anyways

so we all know about the devilswitches and if i remember correctly the devildom equivelant (is that the right spelling??) of mario kart is devil kart or smth idrk what im on about rn lol buuuuuuuuuuut (and this has probably already been talked about before i just cant remember/ havent acctually gotten that far into the games) who would be the best at the game other than levi (in my opinion, sorry if this is a bit ooc)

so without further ado the list from best to worst out of the brothers in my opinion at the devildom equvalent of mario kart with explainations (theres a summarised version with the dateables at the end for those who dont wanna read my ramblings)

Levi - do i have to explain why

Belphegor - he and beel seem to be the ones who hang out with levi the most (other than mammon but he steals more than he plays) so i feel like with their own mini game nights beel and belphie would've picked up some form of skill when it came to the multiplayer games levi owns also i get weird speed demon vibes from belphie i know his sin is sloth and all but i feel like he'd be eerily good at racing games

Beel - pretty much the same as belphegor but he doesn't give me those kind of speed demon vibes like belphie does when it comes to video games and stuff he gives me more 'I'll play if you guys want to play' kinda vibes yet still manages to get a decent score everytime cause he would have picked up some form of skill from playng with

Satan - lets be honest he probably plays the game secretly when he doesn't have anything to read or do purely so he can be better than lucifer at family game nights whenever levi gets to chose the game, satan probably has a secret chart of the games his brothers tend to chose most offten and any new games that enter the house of lamentation mans is doing the most he can whilst still being secretive to master as many of the games in the hol aspossible just so he can hold it over luci's head the only games on his chart that he hasn't been able to master to a point where he can beat lucifer are the games lucifer choses on the gamenights

Lucifer - i dont know man i just feel like lucifer would be better than mams and asmo at the game

Mammon - he's literally just getting distracted by the coins on the track and blabbering on about the coin limit and how he can hold so much more grimm than that before attempting to prove himself by asking (begging) his brothers for grimm so he can prove his point if they decide to give in and hand him some grimm so he can prove his point he's dropping all of it trying to run way with the grimm in his arms before sheepishly returning with a singular coin in his hand picking up some of the grimm he dropped

Asmodeus - lets be so for real right now he probably refuses to play this game because he hates how focusing so much distracts him from time he could be spending pampering himself or making sure his nails are painted just the right shade or the fact that when most game nights are happening they start to eat into his precious beauty sleep (dont worry asmo i get you i should be sleeping rn) he probably only participetes in the games he knows he'll win in (aka the games he gets to chose) or the games where he can team up with someone and have them do most of the work (usually satan) if he's acctually plaing this game with everyone else he's acctually not he's going through every character and talking about their outfits before chosing who he dubs the cutest for that night and then making the cutest cart he can to suit the charcter until one of the other brothers gets bored and tells asmo he can sit out of the game and just watch

if i were to add the others the list would probably look something like this and i dont wanna write that much so i'll just summarise my reasons for everyone

levi - the reasons are obvious

belphegor - like i said speed demon vibes

barbatos - also gives off speed demon vibes

beel - some sort of stange skill gained

satan - wants to be better than luci

solomon - wants to get a pact with luci

lucifer - would just be better than asmo and mams

diavolo - he just wants to enjoy the game

luke - no particular reason other than it'd be funny to watch mammon lose to him

mammon - idiot

asmo - beauty sleep / pampering self / takes to long to decide

simeon - i love simeon but lets be honest he probably wouldn't even be able to use the controls

if anyone acctually read through all that thank you if you just skipped to the summarised part also thank you it makes my day to know someone at least looked at these (expecially this one it took me atleast an hour between me playing mario kart and me getting distracted) i may return with more ideas that may not be original but i've put my own spin on dont expect any big fics maybe a drabble or rant here and there but if i do decide to continnue posting obey me content it will most likely be dumb little headcannons like this or funny things i find in the games as i continue to play them through (for the third time in the past 2 years, barely made it past lesson 18 and then my laptop died so i had to restart) (

forgot to add this before posting buuuut) I hope everyone have a good night/day (evening, morning, breakfast lunch?? diner????)

racing to the masterlist

[juliawrittingsblog]

I've been feeling sick and down(acid reflux and depression dont mix), so a bit of hurt and comfort is in order. I didn't really think to hard when making this, and this is my own hc on how the brothers would act, so if it's ooc I apologize.(also please ignore errors I just wanted to get this our of my head and if this brings someone comfort then that's womderful)

Also, this should be gender neutral. I've done my best to tag as so. So enjoy.

Your not feeling well, the stress from the past couple of months finally catching up to you aa you wake up one morning, body feeling fatigued, stomach hurting, all in all you don't have it in you for another day of destruction from the brothers or the devildom.

Turning on your side you can feel the pain in your stomach bubble. A deep sigh leaving your lips bringing a choked sob. Slowly tears start to pour, your chest tightens with pain as you try to gasp for some form of a breath between inhails.

It was gonna be another long day. Another long day of fights, of studies, of fixing problems, and you just didn't have it in you. Not today, at least. All you wanted to do was be curled up in a blanket burrito, look out a window, drink some water, and maybe take something for your stomach.

In the end, you pulled the blankets up to your nose and decided you didn't care enough to bother worrying about what anyone would say or even if the Devildom burned down. You just wanted to sleep. To not be awake and feel the pain, to not think about everything.

The first to come check on you is, of course, Lucifer when you didn't come down for breakfast. He knocks on the door before walking in seeing you still in bed and he huffs, out of everyone you were the most reliable. His brothers he would expect to slack off but not you. He walks over, a gentle hand shakes you.

'Please,' you whine, the nausea starting to bubble in your stomach, 'I don't feel good.'

Lucifers brows furrow as he places a hand on your forehead but don't feel a fever, 'your not hot,' he mumbles.

'My stomach hurts, my body feels weak. Please, I just want to sleep,' you mutter a sad plea.

You can hear Lucifer let out a sigh, 'OK, ill let RAD know of your absent,' a large hand gently strokes your head, the motion causing you to let out a content sigh. There is something about the action that is comforting, soothing even. You didn't want his affection to stop but as he pulled his hand away you knew he had to sadly.

'I will bring you some water and meds. Is there anything else you need? "Lucifer asks as he tucks the blankets around you, making sure you are snug and warm.

You shake your head, simply happy to not have to push yourself though the day with a body heavy and stomach feeling sour. Granted you knew you wouldn't have to if you didn't want to. None of the brothers would force you. If anything all of them would spend the day watching over you and pampering you.

Satan is reading you a story if you were bored. He would also go out to try to find better medicine and try to find a book to try to help you feel better.

Levi keeping you company and making sure to do all the daily and grab all the energy for your games

Beel would make sure you are feed of course but would also on request carry you around like a little wrapped burrito that way you wouldn't feel so cooped up in your room. Being curled up into his chest is very comforting.

Asmo would do a low energy self care. Hot baths to help your fatigued muscles. Face mask to feel refreshed. He would also do your hair in a braid so it didn't get messy and tangled while you weren't feeling good.

Belphie would bring his best blankets and pillows. He would also lay with you if you asked.

Mammon, surprisingly, go into big bro mode and make sure everyone is kept in line. It was a rare site, but as the older brother, he needed to make sure his little brother didn't cause a racket and upset you. He would also let you have some of his stash of his best secret ramen.

Oh, and all of them would rub your tummy if you requested (something that you find relieves the pain and is soothing)

At the end of the day, despite how hectic things can be. You are loved and treasured by not just the brothers but everyone else as well.

[aballadforbarbatos]

fanfic

fairly long i guess. i’m going through a bit of a mephisto brainrot right now tbh; took a long break from obey me and came back to see 1500 AP. immediately spent all that to get a mephisto icon when the card was at level 10

was it worth it? hmm.

you have no goddamn idea what prompted you to do this

YES you applied human logic and it turned out to be right but maybe you should just stop doing that. stop thinking

mephistopheles had been a bit too mean for your liking. that’s what kicked this whole thing off to start with

maybe he didn’t mean it. maybe he did. anyway it ruined your whole day

satan had noticed your mood change and suggested something nice, which was:

“why not read something nice and fluffy?”

and then the idea had stuck itself in your head and just not let go

you do a quick search on doogle, and to your delight, the demons have not let you down!

searching up “mephistopheles x reader” returned thousands of results, and while you knew there’d be a lot of ooc writing, the idea of mephisto being not mean to you was enough to make you excited :D

you want to open up a fic right there and then, but something makes you stop. the brothers would get awfully suspicious if they saw you all blushy and giggly and pink…

you leave it for lights out where you can get all blushy and giggly and pink in secret.

you see mepisto the next day and excitedly wave hello at him. he looks at you strangely. good enough!

and then it kind of becomes an addiction. you can’t read anything else and your textbooks are a struggle when you’re thinking about all the fake mephisto romances you could be reading instead

satan asks you to review a book he found and you have to turn him down saying that you’re reading a book that’s vaguely related to horses but he wouldn’t like it because the narrator sounds like lucifer

you’re lying of course, but he doesn’t know that

and then one day, when the fanfics aren’t hitting the spot, a new idea comes to you. what if you wrote your OWN mephisto x reader fic?!

you totally brush over the fact that you actually know mephisto irl and sometimes even have conversations with him. if you just stick to the ooc template that everyone else uses it’s like a totally different person

so you jump on the devildom version of ao3 and start posting. you do this for many, many months and nobody in your circle finds out, but BOY does that fic get popular

you end up skipping a chapter because of an event and then promise to release it on wednesday, but then wednesday rolls around and you still haven’t done it AND THERE’S A STUDENT COUNCIL MEETING

the clock is ticking away and you have stuff to do, like it’s also your turn to cook dinner and you’re failing your classes, so you kind of have to go home like right now? you stick your hand up

“what’s up, MC?”

“can i go home? i really have to write this chapter.”

everyone perks up except for lucifer who’s ready to tell you off for not messing around. too bad he’s drowned out by literally everyone else

“wow! you’re writing a story?! what is it about?!”

no wonder you chose “nothinky” as your username for this fic cause you don’t think about the answer and how these demons that are crushing on you fairly obviously will react

“oh yeah it’s about me dating mephistopheles”

silence.

lucifer looks like he’s bitten into a lemon, which is kind of funny but you’ve just thought of a great line to put in your fic so you scribble that down instead

“mephistopheles. like the mephistopheles WE know or,”

“i didn’t know mephistopheles was a common name in the devildom. yeah it’s the mephisto we know?? oh, but i did write him based on the template that others used, so it’s really just a totally different person”

“wdym others.”

“well i did devour like hundreds of mephisto romance stories before this you know…”

“MC what the fuck.”

you keep going because basically you don’t know when to stop and if you keep going they might let you out earlier

“yeah i’m coming up to the part where he proposes but i was gonna ask one of you guys about that since i don’t know if it’s different down here. AND i need someone to read the story with me because even though he was supposed to be based on this template i feel like it’s a lot closer to the actual mephisto, and that would be a problem because i’m really starting to fall for this mephistopheles-not-mephistopheles”

that’s not a joke. sometimes you think about how crazy it is that you got here. as you’re explaining things about the story you don’t notice that everyone’s eyes have shifted from you to above you.

“i can teach you about how nobles propose, MC.”

you freeze up and feel your face burst into flames. you can’t even turn around and say “great!”

but if you had turned around, just by coincidence, just a few moments earlier, you would’ve seen him there, slack-jawed and eyes wide. a sight completely unbefitting of a noble.

how nice that you’ve made the first move for him.

and you said that you needed someone to read your story, didn’t you? perhaps he can show you how much better the real thing is.

[kurus-other-things]

Places the OM bros would kiss: On the face edition! 😘

Disclaimer: I thought of this while in bed past midnight so forgive the rambling and ooc-ness. Also because usually in the game you're the one with the option to kiss them, this is more like when they're the ones who initiate the kisses first

LUCIFER💙

straight up on the mouth kiss

because of course he's bold enough to do that

feel like he'd be smug about it too

if he's in a mood to tease you he'll go for the edge of your jaw

it's close to your mouth but not quite your neck

and won't go for either until you tell him exactly where you want him!

or a forehead kiss because I feel like it's intimate and mature (at least from someone like him)

MAMMON💛

I feel like a side-of-mouth peck that's a spur of the moment kind of thing

like he totally let the intrusive thoughts win and just did it

but of course he's going to act like he was planning to do it all along

that or he was aiming for your mouth but got nervous and 'missed' instead lol

or maybe a peck on the upper part of the cheek like just below the eye

I feel like it's just a unique part of the face and he thinks that no one will have thought to kiss you there

Your first man has obviously gotta get there first!

LEVI🧡

just straight up direct peck on the cheek

only because I feel like he'd combust or faint if he did anything more lol

he's definitely completely red in the face and ears the entire time too

and it's quick too almost like he didn't do it at all

you’ll have to chase him down if you want more!

give him a break he's not used to doing normie things;;;

SATAN💚

also a forehead kisser because it's the place closest to your mind (also hoping you'll think of him more)

also again because it's an intimate and gentle gesture

I also think a direct peck on the lips

and it'd happen so naturally too like you'd barely even notice

like you pass each other in the hall and he gives you a small peck and then keeps walking

ASMO💗

I feel like he could also be an on the mouth kisser

like he's the master of making out no doubt about it

but I feel like he's one of those one peck on each side of the mouth/cheek types

it's fancy and you get two kisses instead of one!

also a big fan of giving nose kisses because he'd definitely love those cutesy kind of gestures♥♥♥

BEEL💖

this is probably a little cheaty (it's technically not the face) but definitely a top-of-the-head kisser

I just assume he's taller than everyone and anyone soooooo

(not me and my 150cm ass totally projecting the need for top of the head kisses lol)

if not the top of the head then I think he's also a forehead kisser

like if he catches you (or Belphie) napping he'll definitely give just a quick gentle peck on the forehead and move on

also gives pecks on the cheek because it's simple sweet and to the point

BELPHIE💜

FOREHEAD KISSER

because who else would be better at giving a goodnight kiss on the forehead???

if you're lying down facing him he'd scoot up (if he needed to) until his lips were at your forehead and then stay there (because he's probably already asleep)

he's also a big tease like I feel like sometimes he'll hover over your lips on purpose

and like the bratty little shit he is will wait for you to make the move first

[azalea-writes]

Can I have the brothers (+ undateables and luke) to an aloof, nosy, professional therapist MC mentally examining Mammon, diagnosing him with depression and adhd, and having the “audacity” to state that his environment is toxic? Oddly specific but it came to mind and I can’t write well.

A/N: I'm sorry if this didn't come out the way you wanted! I ended up writing a fanfic about a family therapy session focusing on Mammon oops. Also, I'm not a therapist and just pulled most of this information from my memories when I did go to therapy el oh el.

Family Therapy Gone... Right?! (Not clickbait)

WARNING: uhmmm I wrote most of this at midnight. not proofread. bad fanfic I believe. ooc i think. I haven't played obey me in a while so yuh.

Word Count: 1.8k words

Alt: Enjoy!

***

When you first came into the Devildom, you thought you were getting a break from your job. Surely the 7 deadly sins didn't need a therapist? They're demons after all, what kind of problems would they have?

Oh how wrong you were...

Over your stay in the Devildom, you were getting suspicious that Diavolo just wanted to get a free therapist for the brothers. He could at least not let you go to school... You have to spend your day babysitting a bunch of man-children, who whine at you when you don't give them attention for every second of the day, AND having to finish all your homework.

It wasn't until after you helped Belphie get out from the attic that you decided to take action. You had a notebook full to the brim with notes about this family and their problems. Most of these notes came from examining the seven brothers. Sure, some of them got mad at you for being nosy, but you were persistent!

***

"Mammon, how much do you love your brothers?" You had asked, tilting your head to the side. Mammon seemed flustered at the question.

"H-How much I love them? Nah! The only thing I love is my baby, Goldie! I don't... really care for... my brothers..." Mammon came off boastful, only to end up whispering the last part, as if it hurts to say it out loud.

"Ah, okay, so a ton?" You nodded, as if Mammon just didn't deny caring for his brothers.

"Oi! Did you hear any words I said?!" Mammon yelled, albeit a bit flustered. Classic Mammon, he loves to deny that he cares about anyone but his money.

"Don't worry Mammon, we all go through the five stages of denial at some point of our lives," You smiled at him.

"I ain't denying anything!"

"So, from a scale of 1-10, how emotionally vul-"

"Stop asking me those damn questions!"

***

Albeit, some notes came from them just outright telling you about their tragic backstory after staying with them for a short amount of time.

Looking back at your notebook, you let out a long, frustrated sigh. It also doesn't help that they all collectively use Mammon as their punching bag. You decided to put an end to all of this. For the sake of Mammon and for the sake of this family's well being! Maybe for your own mental health as well...

All of that led to now, the common room having the 7 demon brothers sit together around the fireplace. One one sofa, Mammon was between Asmo and Satan. On the other sofa, Beel was in between Belphie and Levi. Lucifer sat on the armchair while you decided to sit on a chair that you stole from the nearby table, opting to sit in front of the fireplace.

"I have to say, I'm surprised that you got Levi out of his room," Asmo snickered while looking at said brother.

"S-Shut up! I didn't want to be here with y-you normies! MC can be quite intimidating sometimes..." Levi whispered the last part while looking at you. You just gave a close-eyed smile which made Levi gulp.

"I think it's a miracle that you managed to have Lucifer here since he thinks he's above everyone else," Satan said mockingly, which earned a scoff from Lucifer.

"Ehhh, are we not going to talk about how Mammon is actually here with us?" Levi pointed out, which earned Mammon the spotlight.

"Ay! What's that supposed to mean?" barked Mammon.

"What he's trying to say is that you're always off gambling and getting into trouble with the witches that you always miss meetings like these. You're so clueless," Belphie yawned out.

"He probably doesn't have any money, probably spent it all on gambling. Talk about skill issues!" Levi snickered.

"Alright, break it up," you sighed before this therapy session turned into a 'bully Mammon' session.

"I gathered you all today for one specific reason," you paused for a dramatic effect, it earned you unimpressed looks, "for family therapy!"

As soon as those words left your mouth, everyone's face turned bewildered.

"Family therapy..?" Beel mumbled out.

"Yup! You may already know that I asked you some rather personal questions," you said, which made some of the demons groan from the memories, "and with what you guys told me out of free will, I compiled a list of problems that you guys have!"

"So instead of doing your work and studying, you decided to make a list about our flaws?" Lucifer said, unamused.

"Precisely!" You beamed, earning a sigh from Lucifer.

"From what I could collect, I figured out you guys have communication problems, father issues, unresolved trauma, problems with emotional vulnerability, self-esteem issues, depression, repressed anger, you're touch-starved, some of you have some type of neurodevelopmental disorders--" Before you could continue, you were cut off by somebody. You looked up to see most of them wide-eyed.

"Woah, woah! When you said list, I thought it was going to be about 5 things. I wasn't expecting this much!" Asmo fretted.

"If Asmo didn't cut them off, how much longer would they have gone..?" Satan mumbled.

"At least you get the point!" You smiled before having a blank face, "I would very much appreciate your cooperation."

They looked at each other before nodding.

"Great! Let's start off with Mammon!" You beamed, turning the spotlight onto Mammon.

"...HUH?!" Mammon yelled out after taking a moment to process everything.

"Sorry to put you on the spot, but I can't help but be concerned about you," you sighed, "In the human world, we have this mental disorder called ADHD. It affects people's behaviors, and in a short summary, it makes them inattentive and impulsive. From what I observed, I'd say you fit the criteria."

"What does this have to do with anything?" Mammon questioned.

"Oh, this brings me to my next point. ADHD isn't something that you can control, yet the environment you're in is quite toxic that it worries me," you stated.

"Toxic, you say? It is fully expected from us. We are demons after all," Lucifer refuted.

"Yes, you're demons, yet I unwillingly got assigned as your family therapist..." you huffed out.

You sighed for the nth time, "as I was saying, you keep getting picked on and getting severe punishments for your actions that you can't quite control. It doesn't help that your sin is Greed. You say everything's fine and it doesn't bother you. Yet I can't help but think otherwise. You refuse to show or tell us what you're actually feeling."

After you finished your deduction, nobody uttered a word and looked at Mammon. Mammon opened and closed his mouth like a fish gasping for air, yet no words would come out.

"I did put you in the spotlight. How about this, each and every one of you say something you like about Mammon. I'm positive that you guys have something nice to say about him," you decided to give poor Mammon some mercy.

An awkward silence filled the room. Belphie would open his mouth to speak, but closed it and hugged his pillow closer. It wasn't that they didn't have anything to say, it's just they aren't used to this type of stuff. It's really sad to see, to be honest. Looking back at Mammon, you could see that he was a bit hurt by the silence.

Beel was the first so speak up after a minute or so, "I appreciate it when you give your food to me even when you're hungry." Although it wasn't a huge compliment, it had a meaning behind it. With Mammon's sin, it's a surprise to everybody with how easily he'll sacrifice anything for his brothers. It was evident that Beel knew this by the way he smiled towards Mammon, who was across from him, a smile that really showed his appreciation.

Mammon just froze up, not knowing how to react or respond. Belphie decided to follow his twin's footsteps, a little shy given by the way he's hiding most of his face with his pillow, "Mhm... I like it when you adjust my sleeping position to be more comfortable so I don't feel sore when I wake up..."

Asmo took notice of how embarrassed Mammon was and how he's trying to make himself look smaller. Asmo proceeded to hug him, which caused Mammon to yelp. "I still remember how you sold one of my precious necklaces. When I woke up the next day, it magically appeared on my vanity desk! You tried to play it off, but I know it was you who got it back!" Asmo giggled. Mammon tried to get away from Asmo's grasp, but he wouldn't budge.

Satan chuckled at Asmo's antics, but sighed shortly after. "...I appreciate how you don't snitch on me when I sneak cats in. You went out of your way buying some cat food in order to help me, so thank you," Satan mumbled, but it was audible enough for everybody to hear.

At this point, Mammon didn't know what to do, so he opted to look at the last two brothers who needed to speak. Levi mumbled something incoherent, probably about how embarrassing this was, before speaking up while avoiding eye contact, "Even though you never pay me back, you still manage to make me feel better when I am down... Somehow..."

"It's Lucifer's turn! Come on! We've all said something, now it's your turn," Asmo proclaimed, still not letting go of Mammon.

"I'm curious on what he's going to say," Satan said with a smug smile, thinking that Lucifer would be too prideful to say anything in front of everyone.

Mammon hesitantly looked at Lucifer, scared of what the eldest would say. Lucifer chuckled, "This has been going quite well, I'm surprised."

"How do you think I feel? I was ready to face a bunch of wild animals..." You mumbled out.

Lucifer thought on what he's going to say, "Although you cause us a lot of trouble, you're still very dear to us. Back in the Celestial Realm, you would always help me out, which I'll always be grateful for. Even now you still help me, though you'll always deny it. ...I'll cut back on the punishments for your well being."

Everyone looked at Lucifer, shocked that the demon of Pride was able to muster out those words. Their shock was short- lived as hiccups filled the room. "Ah! Mammon, you're crying!" Asmo panicked, finally letting go of his older brother.

"I-I ain't crying!" Mammon denied. Even as he wiped his tears with his sleeve, they kept on coming. Lucifer stood up and brought out a handkerchief, he kneeled beside Mammon and tried to wipe his face to the best of his ability. Soon, the rest of the brothers came to comfort Mammon. Asmo wrapped an arm around Mammon's shoulder; Asmo no longer cared about his clothes as it got stained with tears. Levi didn't know what to do so he just softly patted Mammon's head.

You stayed on your chair, not wanting to ruin this precious moment. Although there are many things to talk about, you decided to leave it for the next session.

"Man, I don't get paid enough for this... Oh wait, I don't get paid at all."

[clowniezzzz]

Eltingville headcanons bcuz I'm hyperfixating really baddd

Small cw for mentions of neglect and abuse

Bill Dickey

I HATE him so much,,,,

-Brags about making his teachers cry

-Probably gets his anger issues from both of his parents, especially his dad

-has eczema, refuses to gets any treatment for it

-Despite being a misogynist, is probably a huge mama's boy (Definitely ooc but you see the vision)

-Is one of those guys that punch dry wall when he's angry

-I think his parents were both physically and verbally abusive, more verbal then physical

-Weezer, Bloodhound gang, Sublime fan (the rest of his music taste is just video game/movies ost because he's a LOSER)

-Face gets really red when he laughs/gets angry

Jerry Stokes

I have a LOT of hcs for this critter sorry

-Has a kitten, is a ragdoll cat that he absolutely adores

-Raised as a Catholic, is non-practicing as a adult

-His family is probably the best out of the main four boys. Jerry's mother and father care about him very much, but they definitely think Pokémon and D&D is satanic

-Has autism (I am NOT protecting)

-Only masks infront of Bill because he knows Bill would make fun of him for stimming in public

-Speaking of stims, Jerry has stims like clicking his tongue, purring, and rocking back and forth-- 'Bee-dee-bee-dee' is one is one of his stims, he just feels comfortable doing it infront of Bill because Bill would probably just think he's referenceing Buck Rogers

-Has really small eyes (Technically canon,but he's usually drawn with his eyes closed)

Pete Dinunzio

I love this little freak. I want to keep him in a jar like he's a beautiful butterfly

-First celebrity crush was Elvira mistress of the dark

-I think his parents are more neglectful then anything else, this is one of the reasons why Pete is so shameless about his fixation on gore/snuff videos

-starts balding in his early 20s and was PISSED😭😭😭

-Has 'run the gauntlet'

-Most likely to be a brony (argue with the wall I'm sorry)

-Use to wear those prosthetic vampire teeth to school, he thought it made him look cool

-Watched the twilight movies, said he hated it, actually loves it (has a 'team Edward' shirt)

-Has some piercings; ear piercing, nose piercings, tongue piercings, and a eyebrow piercing

Josh Levy

Sorry Josh fans, I don't have a lot of headcanons for him:'(

-Uses emoticons through text, Bill thinks its corny

-Is Jewish, wears a Star of David necklace a lot

-Has naturally pink cheeks, they get pinker as he gets angry

-Has curly hair, he straightens and gels it-- probably makes his mom very upset

-Will tell anyone and everyone about Carrie Fisher's coke nail

-Owned snakes for a bit, also owned hamsters (probably named his pets after Star wars and Star trek characters)

-His mom coddles Josh, he acts like he hates it

-Speaking of his parents, while Josh's mom coddles him like he's three, his dad treats him like they're the same age

Probably going to post Jerry x Mandi headcanons soon,,,hermmm

[misc-obeyme]

Wahhh, thank you!! TvT

I'm mostly afraid cus of imposter syndrome (if that's what it's called) ig- and if I went a bit ooc with the character or such ;-;

But thank you thank you thank you!!! I needed that, a lot :"))

- 🎹

Okay buckle up ‘cause I’m about to tell you all about imposter syndrome and the concern that you’re writing a character OOC.

Imposter syndrome never goes away, unfortunately. You’re always gonna be feeling like you aren’t really a writer. Or that your writing isn’t good enough & everyone is gonna know that you’re faking it.

The most important thing to learn about writing (and likely creating art of any kind) is that imposter syndrome isn’t something you feel because it’s true and you really are an imposter. It’s something you feel because you are always too close to your own work.

You can never experience your story the way a reader would. It’s just not possible! So when you read your story, expecting to experience it the way you experience the stories of writers you admire, you are comparing yourself to an impossibility.

That’s what imposter syndrome really is. It’s like an optical illusion but with feelings.

It’s always okay to feel things. But you have to remember that feeling something doesn’t make it true. Your work is always better than you think it is.

As for the OOC thing, I used to worry about that a lot, too. But the thing is, everybody interprets characters differently. So how you interpret Satan is just as in character as how someone else does, even if it’s different. It’s actually very subjective and there is no right or wrong way to do it!

So I just embraced my own interpretations of the characters. I’m like this is how they feel to me so this is how I’m going to write them. Other people who see them the same way will find your work and love it. Sometimes you’ll get people whose interpretations will change because of your story.

So don’t be afraid of the dreaded OOC thing because it’s not as big of a deal as it seems!

I know it can be scary in general to even write a story let alone share it. But you’re already halfway there! You got this!

[gayfanservice]

Request: Something about Billy surviving the mind Flayer and apologizing to Max for being an ass lol

Was requested on my other blog, I do not remember if this was requested to be platonic or romantic so whoops :P

CW; Heavily described blood/gore, Billy lives, sad boy hours, probs ooc

*********

He remembers the pain of the tentacles ripping into his skin; tearing his insides every which way, images burning into his brain as the massive mound of human-rat meat screamed at him.

He remembers seeing images of him being ripped apart and images of the girl with powers he previously tried to kill screaming as she was ripped apart.

He remembers tears falling down his cheeks as disoriented images of his friends forced their way into his brain, mocking him, telling him how he failed as a son, as a brother, and as a friend.

He remembers seeing images of his best, and only, friend torn apart or crushed over and over again. How (Y/N) had tried to save him before being crushed into the wall. It played in his mind, unaware that his best friend was right behind him, crying for Billy.

Max’s images burned into his retinas as they replayed the in worst fashion; it gruesomely detached her limbs, or decapitated her. More and more images of his step-sister played into his mind as the fleshy tentacles burned and tore his insides. Billy couldn’t take it, screaming that Max didn’t deserve anything happening to her. She deserved better than what this thing was showing him, reminding him how he failed as an older brother, tormenting her every day. She deserved a normal life with a normal older brother, but Billy didn’t let her.

He remembers how memories of his life popped up; how he enjoyed time with his mother, when she was still alive. How his relationship with his father became more strained after she died, how he tormented Billy everyday. When Neil met Susan and eloped, and Billy started to torment Max.

He remembers how Max would look at him with that angry look whenever he was around her. How she avoided him. Max didn’t deserve anything Billy did.

He remembers meeting his best friend for the first time at a skate park, (Y/N) had almost crashed into him and they got into an argument. They met again at a convenient store, buying the same drinks and snacks. (Y/N) made a joke about how they must be estranged twins. He doesn’t know why, but they just became friends.

All Billy could think about was how he failed Max, (Y/N), and everyone else

——————

Billy felt weird. It was warm but he shivered. The pain was replaced by an intense numbness, murking up his brain and turning everything fuzzy. He couldn’t understand what was happening; was he dead? In hell? Was Max alive? Is she okay? Is (Y/N) alive and okay? He couldn’t tell. Maybe the endless void and disoriented noises were punishment for Billy. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t even know if he had eyes in this mysterious place.

A faint beep caught his attention. Did he turn? He couldn’t tell, but the beeping got louder, and louder. Was Satan finally arriving to take him to hell? The noises around him became louder; a faint buzzing, weird sounds he couldn’t make out, and… talking? He couldn’t tell, but it was becoming clearer.

A dull uncomfortableness raised in his throat, stoping at his chest. Something heavy was on sitting atop his face, covering his nose and mouth. His skin felt tight in places, most prominently on his torso, as if bandages were wrapped around him. He could feel himself breathing, the hairs on his arms sticking up, his brow muscle twitching as the darkness lit up. Billy was so tired, but he was so curious as to where he was.

His eyes finally opened, the white ceiling was the first thing he saw. Billy’s brain felt foggy; he was confused on where he was, no longer could he remember what he was whining about just moments ago.

“… Billy?” Billy slowly turned towards the voice, his eyes gliding across the room and stopping on (Y/N). He would smile if whatever was shoved down his throat wasn’t so fucking uncomfortable. (Y/N) slowly got up from his chair with the help of crutches, “Hey, pal, long time no see.” He joked, standing by Billy’s side as he pressed the CALL button. Billy’s looked around the room, his eyes landing on what little he could see from his position. He settled on (Y/N), taking in his appearance. He looked so… different. His eyes, though the same color and shape as always, held a different look. He had bags under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in months, years even.

Billy watched as (Y/N)’s eyes watered, a few tears falling down his face as he pulled a chair up with his foot, slowly sitting down again. “It’s been a couple months, Billy. Glade to see you pull through.” He couldn’t believe it. He had been asleep for months? (Y/N) wiped away his tears, sniffling, obviously embarrassed to be crying, “I’m so sorry, Billy…” He whispered, head leaning on his crutches. Why was he sorry?

The door to the room opened, two nurses and a doctor came in. The breathing tube-thing was removed from his throat, leaving a tingling, more uncomfortable feeling in his throat. Why was (Y/N) sorry? Where was his dad? Where was Max?

“… Max..?” His throat was scratchy and stiff, the nurse offering a cup of water before they left. “She’s okay, Billy, she’s safe.” Questions raced in his head, but he felt at ease knowing that Max was safe. But why? What was she saved from? What happened? Why am I here?

The Mind Flayer popped into his head, like a shitty jump scare from a horror movie. Memories of that night lodged their way into his brain as he remembered everything, from trying to kill Max to almost being ripped to shreds. Billy suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotions. He was sad, happy, a little hungry, but mostly angry. Angry at himself for everything, for what he did and didn’t do for Max. She wasn’t even here to greet him for being alive. His dad wasn’t either but he didn’t care about that. Billy was such a shit person to her, why would she care if he was alive?

Billy cried, not caring that (Y/N) would see him. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

“Billy, no, you’re fine,” (Y/N) didn’t know why he was comforting him or why he was even apologizing. He grabbed Billy’s hand in a firm grip, “You’re fine, Max is fine, we’re all fine.” His voice cracked. Billy’s unoccupied hand landed on his face, covering his eyes as he trembled. He just wanted to see Max, to apologize to her and promise to be a better older brother. To protect her from bullies and be the best damn brother she would want. But he can’t, she’s god knows where and he’s here, stuck rotting in a hospital bed with his best friend, but that’s the most he could ask for. It’s the most he deserves.

Max stood in the doorway, feeling too awkward to say anything to the two crybabies. She wondered if it was too late to walk away, forget this ever happened and go on her merry way. But, Billy did save her, or try to, and he deserved something for that. She cleared her throat. The two looked towards her like deer in headlights, “Uh, hi,” this was too awkward for her.

“Max…” Billy took a shaky breath, trying not to full on sob in-front of two people. Max stood closer to the bed, feeling tears of her own fill her eyes. Even though he put her through hell, she couldn’t help it. “Max, I’m so, so sorry,” he started, his grip tightening around (Y/N)’s hand. Max felt her face become wet, snot starting to clog up her sinuses, “I was such an asshole to you, an unfair asshole.. a-and I know that you hate me but please, please I am so, so sorry,” Billy cried, no longer caring how pathetic he may look, “I promise, promise to be better,” Max sniffled as she listened to Billy. Her face contorted as she cried, coming to Billy’s empty bed side and holding his other hand. “Okay, Okay, Billy.”

*********

Um yeah if its good please tell me 👍

[marathedemonoverlord]

Since I really liked S1 of OG Obey Me, I wanted to try my hand at writing for My MC Mara's first year. Apologies if it isn't that great or a bit ooc. I don't really like how fluffied up Obey Me Demons are...

Warning: It's from Mara's perspective, and she's not very nice to the demons at first.

OG Obey Me x MC ( Mara ) - First Year in Devildom Pt 1

It felt as if this was a situation that was a repeated memory from her childhood. Mara sat in the office, a grown twenty-six year old woman in trouble for self-defense, wounded and bitter. Wasn't this a tune she often danced to before? Guess old habits die hard…

"Human. I have informed Lucifer of your behavior. Here at RAD, we do not attack our fellow students." The "principal" of the school said, staring at Mara as if she was a bad animal. This pissed her off; She was a grown adult, she did not start the fight, and this "principal" wasn't even authority. Everyone knew that, that stupid bastard Diavolo ruled the school. Why was she here instead of talking to him? Mara knew why; It was the same reason her father sent her to Oakington Academy when she was fifteen years ago, and it was the reason Lucifer was coming to play the role of "parent" with her. Nobody ever wants to deal with the "troublesome child". It was easier to claim them when it was good but dump them on someone else when it was hard. Mara wasn't unfamiliar with this. As the principal looked at her, she turned her head, dark brown eyes glaring to the side. It wasn't her fault.

It was supposed to be a simple first day. Mara intended to force Mammon by his pact to stay close to her, but he chose to slip away and evade her. The greedy fucker was a slippery son of bitch, managing to slip away while she finally got her chance to go to the bathroom and now here she was, alone in a demon academy, trapped in Hell against her will, with no protection. Mara hated RAD, she hated it here, she hated Diavolo, and she hated the brothers. Regardless, she had a game plan in mind; Flit under the radar, don't talk to anyone, don't bother anyone.

In fact, as she walked into the great halls of this glorified prison, the six brothers all dissipated; Lucifer went to suck off Diavolo like the nepotistic fuck he is, Mammon hid from her like a coward, Leviathan slithered into the bathroom to fap to 2D pixeled chicks who'd never give him the time of day in real life, Satan went to be the fake straight A know it all bitch he always was, Asmodeus went to get fucked by his sycophantic lemmings, and Beelzebub went to stuff his face and just be an extra to the grand scheme of things. It left Mara completely by herself, and for a while, things went okay.

She went to class, she kept to herself, she didn't talk to anyone and merely shot glares at the condescending nature of other students; Everything went okay. Until lunch… Sitting by herself, she had been simply observing the little groups of the school; The students were practically arranged by their sins and if Mara was going to survive she'd have to go back to her old ways; Find a group to assimilate into and use them to protect her the whole year. Issue was…. She was human. It was one thing when she was the weird goth girl back at the academy, but here, her species would be a deterrent. She would be ostracized no matter what she did. These thoughts caused Mara to get lost in her head. She couldn't rely on Mammon to protect her, so maybe proving herself to a clique or sin group would allow her the chance to be protected by them instead. The question of "how" to prove herself would be the tough part. However, as she thought about it, a fist slammed down on her table, causing her to look up.

Just her luck, a demon finally had an issue with her existence. He was a big demon, not as big as Beelzebub but… Close. Glaring down at Mara, she looked him up and down a scowl forming on her face. "Can I help you?" She asked calmly, trying to hide her obvious disdain for the creature as she looked up at him. "What happened to your little guardian, sheep? He decided to feed you to the wolves?" The demon asked, sneering at her. This bothered Mara a lot; She was twenty-six. A legal adult in the human world; she paid her own taxes, lived alone, she took self-defense, worked out, she was strong. She didn't need anybody, let alone a greedy bastard who couldn't even spare her the time of day. "I don't need a guardian, what the hell do you want? I'm trying to eat." She said in an annoyed tone, looking at the demon. "What I'd like is to finally know what expression a human makes when their entrails are ripped out slowly. Care to help with that?" The demon asked, showing his sharp fangs to her, his tail swishing slightly. Mara felt a level of disgust and disdain course through her at his words, her stomach churning at the thought. Demons were truly animalistic and crass creatures, no different than animals. She decided to try and leave; she'll eat her food in the bathroom, she is not going to engage in this. Yet as she tried to leave, she was forced back down into her seat by the demon, his strength shocking her. Mara had always been the stronger person… She was a boxer for fuck's sake. But these demons, this Devildom…. To them she was nothing but a sheep…. A prey animal.

"I didn't say you could get up human." The demon growled slowly, leaning closer to her, the saliva dripping from his maw. Mara cringed and glared at the student, bothering her. "Look back off, I'm not doing anything to you so leave me the fuck alone." She said, making her deep bassy voice come out more as a guttural growl to try and get the demon to leave her alone. Mara was so used to being the intimidating one, she was dismayed as the demon challenged her, refusing as he leaned closer, his breath hot against her face. "I'm warning you right now. Leave. Me. Alone." Mara tried again feeling her anger flare up, this was entirely unfair. She didn't ask to be in this situation, she didn't ask to be taken from her life. These fuckers traumatized her as a kid and now to know they're real and harassing her still was entirely unfair. She could feel rage boiling.

The demon merely laughed at her, probably only seeing her as a fluffed up prey. "Or what? Going to cry for Mammon? That cheap fuck would pay alimony and taxes before helping you. Face it sheep you're going to die here." He sneered, reaching to grab at Mara's black curly hair. And now Mara had enough; She didn't need Mammon to protect her! She could handle herself- She wasn't a sheep! Grabbing her lunch tray, Mara raised it and slammed it as hard as she could into the demon's face, causing him to stumble.

The room now went quiet as the demon stumbled, more so from shock than actual pain. Mara held the tray in her hands, glaring at him. "I told you… Leave me the fuck alone!" She snapped, her voice furious. The demon cracked his neck returning the glare to her. "You're going to fucking pay for that you piece of shit mortal-" He snarled launching himself at her. Mara barely had enough time to dodge as she hit him with the tray again, a brawl beginning as Mara tried with all her strength to fight the demon, the creature using his superior strength and demonic prowess to make this battle near impossible. He had grabbed and practically threw her at the wall, the pain immense but Mara refused to back down. Maybe she was too hard headed, maybe something out there was having Lady Luck bless her, but she tried to fight anyways, with the tray, using her fists or anything she could get her hands on, she was not going to let this demon see her weak. She fought back as much as she could, even when tossed around like a ragdoll, refusing to lay there and take it.

But eventually, Mara ran out of things to prove otherwise. The demon had her in his grip, raising her so her feet dangled as a large meaty hand was crushing her windpipe. She tried to pry his hand off her throat, trying to stay brave even in the face of death. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to die in Hell, but she didn't want to show him that. This world was probably like the human world; any sign of weakness immediately marked for death. However, before more could come, the demon was suddenly thrown off her, air returning to her burning lungs as she panted and looked up. Standing before her was Satan, eyes glaring boredly at the demon assailant as he had knocked the larger demon off with ease, still in his human form.

"You're interrupting my reading." He said bluntly not even glancing at Mara as the demon froze "S-Satan what are you-" The assailant was cut off as Satan raised his hand silencing him "Here I am trying to study for an upcoming hexing exam and you and the Sheep there are causing a ruckus." He said calmly before looking up, his eyes flashing with a toxic green."Knock it off before I show her your entrails instead." Satan threatened darkly, causing the demon to nod and run off, fear evident. To Mara, it made no sense… This demon was bigger, taller, and broader than Satan. Satan was a twig threatening a log and yet…. There was an aura of power that made certain demons back up or think twice. It boggled her mind, but she could admit gratitude even if she didn't like the blondie. There was a moment of silence before Satan turned back to Mara, the green in his eyes ebbing slightly.

"You don't look so good." He pointed out, looking Mara and her wounds over. "I'm fine… I just…-" Mara winced as she tried to get up. It felt like that demon cracked her ribs and gave her a concussion during that scuffle. "- Need to see a nurse." Satan finished kneeling down and checking her over. "I can have someone escort you to the nurse's office. It wouldn't look well on Lucifer if you're bleeding out here…" Satan said before pausing a malicious smirk lining his pretty features. "Actually…. Bleed out a bit here and here. I'll go get him for you." He remarked with an air of cruelty in his voice, laughing with a suave lilt to his tone as he got up, walking to find Lucifer. Mara scowled as he walked off. She shouldn't be surprised that Satan would ditch her like that, any reason to stick it to Lucifer, but part of her did hope he could stay close at hand, especially given her condition. Whatever, she didn't need anyone before, and she didn't need anyone now. Forcing herself up, Mara tried to make it to the nurse's, but one of the professors stopped her, hearing about the fight and sending her to the office. And now…

Now, here she was, injured, alone, and bitter in the office, in trouble for self-defense. Mara sat by herself quietly. So much for a first day, but part of her hoped Diavolo would see this and send her home. She hated being held captive here. It wasn't right.

Soon Lucifer made his way into the office, annoyance evident on his dark perfect features as he looked down at Mara condescendingly. "So, this is what you got up to on your first day? You truly are hopeless, human." He said with that smooth, deep voice of his, his look making her feel inferior to his gaze. "Shut up. This is your brother's fault, I didn't ask to be harassed by a demon on my first day in this glorified nut house." She snapped irritation, lining her dark features as she clenched her aching fist. People like Lucifer annoyed her; nepotistic, egotistical ass kissers like him who sucked up to the higher ups and sneered at the lesser pissed her off to no end. She despised him even now. "Now, now… you needn't worry about those things, Mammon will be punished accordingly, but so will you and that demon for causing disturbance in our schedules." Lucifer replied calmly, his black eyes sparkling with crimson malice as he smiled coldly at her. Mara hated him; He was like those managers or administrators in a company trying to softly explain why you deserve a pay cut at work. "Why the fuck am I being punished for defending myself?" Mara asked bluntly, glaring at him angrily as her irritation had built up, simmering to the surface. Mara had a nasty, horrible temper; She had tried so hard to work on it but just Lucifer's prideful face was enough to piss her off. "Because you attacked another student first and caused Diavolo and Barbatos to put a meeting on hold to deal with this issue, be grateful you are required for Prince Diavolo's Exchange Program otherwise your punishment would be worse." Lucifer said in his calm manner, not even giving Mara a glance. It was going to be a pattern wasn't it, that Lucifer would not even dignify her with a look, as if she was below him in every sense of the word. She loathed it.

"Whatever. Can I go to the nurse now?" Mara asked in a grumble, glaring at him. Lucifer seemed disinterested in her, merely looking at some papers as he prowled around the office as if he owned it. In a way, he, Diavolo, and Barbatos did. They pretended to be students when, in reality, they were administrators and staff to this wanna-be high school. It was pathetic to Mara, but god forbid Diavolo ever hear a negative thing in his life; When royalty is a man-child, everyone's the parent. "Hm? Oh yes. You may go. They will provide some magic to mend your brittle body. And for the rest of the school year, you are to stay solely in the House of Lamentation." Lucifer decided, smirking at Mara's indignant expression. "You will go to school accompanied by a brother, and you will go straight home and be locked in your room by bedtime. Are we clear?" He asked. "That's bullshit! I'm not a fucking child Lucifer! You can't keep me contained!" She snapped trying to stand up before wincing as she fell back into the seat. "I can do whatever I want, Sheep. You live in my care, our home, and under my rules. Now you can agree to our terms or I can make sure your broken ribs recover slowly." Lucifer threatened darkly his gaze now meeting Mara's. "And I do warn you, RAD has no patience or sympathy for slow students. Even for a human." He added those onyx eyes glaring into Mara's dark brown ones. Mara hated this, she needed the magic to feel better and this stress and being cornered… She hated him.

"Fuck you Lucifer." Mara growled darkly, knowing she had no choice. Lucifer's eye twitched slightly but he simply stepped away, the aura of arrogance glowing off the demon of pride as he smiled calmly. "Glad we are in agreement. Now go see the nurse and remember…" Lucifer turned to Mara, pausing at the door. "Such coarse language is hardly tolerated at RAD." He said in that condescending tone, his deep laugh echoing in the halls as he returned to Diavolo. Mara watched him go with utter loathing.

"Fine… Go be the prince's lap dog you uptight piece of shit." She thought to herself before getting up, wincing as she tried to make her way to the nurse's. This was going to be a long, painful year, she could tell. 

[magicluckystars]

The brothers accidently call MC Lilith (younger brothers)

I'm so sorry this is so late!! I've been swamped with school and work among other things so I didn't have time to properly write a fic!! I will try to be active more...

Just a thought, I might also write Enstars content...What do y'all think? 👀

I'm sorry if this is short!

Please forgive me if the characters are OOC, I'm still a beginner writer and constructive feedback would be much appreciated!

TW: Mild spoilers, references to lesson 16, OOC characters?

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Asmodeus

Honestly, I don't see this happening unless something happens to get him thinking about Lilith (aka the lesson 16 incident when I think it's most likely).

If it does happen, he would immediately correct his mistake and get on with whatever he was saying.

"So, did you hear what was going on with that succubus today?! She was TOTALLY out of control! First, she was like, an HOUR late to class, and then, she just roasted the professor left and right! Satan was in her class, he told me, and oh boy, you should have seen him Lilith- Oops, sorry MC hun,-He was seething mad!" <- kinda like this.

If you didn't mind it much, he would be glad and get on with his story.

If you did get offended, however, he would definitely apologize and remind you that even if you are related, Lilith is Lilith and you are you. He wouldn't want the distance between you two to increase, after all, you are his MC, and he loves you and your adorable face to pieces!

Beelzebub

Again, I don't see this happening with Beel too much. You're someone he cherishes deeply, so he makes it a point to remember your tastes.

If something's on his mind and he does get the two of you confused, he's heartbroken and tries to make it up to you in any way possible.

If you didn't care too much about it and forgave him, he would envelop you in a great, big bear hug.

If you did get offended, he would understand your feelings and give you some space until you're ready to talk to him again. He would feel lonely until then, but when you do come back, he'll be waiting.

Belphegor

I'm sorry Belphegor stans, but I feel like Belphie can mistakenly call you Lilith a lot, but no need to worry! He's usually half asleep when he does that.

One thing I find really nice about belphie is that he's the only brother to emphasize the fact that Lilith might've been his sister, but you were irreplaceable to him as well, so he can't mistake the two of you while he is fully awake.

Since this could be a common occurrence, if you did decide to confront him about it, he would, (like everyone else) apologize, but say that he doesn't remember it (as he was half-asleep). He does cherish you a lot though, so if this becomes a common occurrence he'll try his best to differentiate you two, even when he's not completely awake.