#and every time i have an episode not only is it unpleasant at the time but i just feel so drained and out of it afterwards....

[fortheb0ys]

I wanna dress Will Graham up all nice and pretty just to mess him all up again :3

BROOO YOU GOT ME THINKING!! Give me like two sentences and I could go on and on if I'm feeling it. So I offer you my ramblings🤲

Does anyone remember that one Criminal Minds episode where this lady collects human dolls?!?

Well, make that into male reader insert <(´･ω･`<)

CW Sorry, i realized I don't put these often : reader is a serial killer and will is profiling him, reader views people as objects, reader can't tell what's real and will uses that to his advantage, will refers to himself as a 'sex doll', murder (not too descriptive), reader loses his virginity, sex, stalking, kidnapping, obsessive behavior NOT PROOFREAD ENDING IS RUSHED!

FEM ALIGNED + MINORS DNI

You watched Will from a distance, become fascinated by Will's beauty. His curly hair, his facial structure, his build, his everything.

He haunted you. You saw him everywhere you went.

Will was different from the rest. A body of pure perfection. The others ones in your collection were unamusing, marred in compaison to him.

Once you've had gotten your hands on him, your collection fell neglected. Left on the shelf to collect dust. Disposed of them when they broke.

Will was your prized doll like one of those vintage Christmas Barbies.

Once you've finally gotten your hands on him you noted he wasn't in perfect condition. It was quite clear under closer eyes, a few nicks and scratches. You'd treat him better than anyone else would. You wanted to keep him from farther damage.

At first, Will was a bit hard to play with. His face model was always in a scowl. Brows knitted in anger.

You thought about redoing his face, scraping off the base and painting a new one. Thoughts about the last time you've done it deterred your decision. Their faces had always came out disfigured, never getting quite right.

His hard shell didn't deter your love for him. You treated him gently, bought things for him, making small conversations at your little tea parties. His anger was met with your kindness.

It took a while till Will's shell chipped away. His scowl disappeared, replaced with a friendly smile. Happiness to see you home from you doll hunting.

Soon he became the best doll you've owned. A pleasure to have company with.

His voice box sounded much different from the others. The other doll yelled crude obscenities. Of course, their angry words didn't last long as taking out their boxes quieted them down.

Will was kinder. He was more willing to carry a conversation. He'd let you play with him without protest. Let you play with him, brush his hair, change his clothes. The others were hard to move, their sticky joints refusing to move.

Of course, the hunt for new dolls didn't stop. Once Will met these new friends, he became cold. Back to the old Will.

Will never liked play to nice. Mean and unpleasant words were barked at the others. They broke quicker than anticipated. You'd find Will covered in red, broken dolls at his feet.

He'd plea that he was special. That you couldn't have any other dolls. He was the only one that's supposed to be in your collection. Red, teary eyes begging to be the only doll in your collection.

You pulled him into close embrace, feeling his pounding heartbeat against your chest. Whispered promises as he cried at your every word.

Your precious Will, beautiful yet so broken. You plege devotion solely to him.

Since than you only cared for Will. Every moment was spent with him.

He seemed to enjoy playtime as well. He'd sit quiet and pretty as you changed him. His hands always posed between his legs. His joints bent seamlessly as he shifted in his sit.

One day while picking his clothes for the day, Will made mention that he had working parts down...there. That they'd the react when played with.

He said he was a 'sex doll', that only he's the only one.

He guided you as you were inexperienced. Spoke you through each step. Your fingers nervously stretching him. Your eyes trained on Will's face, looking for any sort of discomfort.

Fingers still he's face contorts. You weren't sure if it was discomfort or pleasure. You weren't going to risk breaking your precious doll by testing which one.

Your hand begins withdrawaling from between him. Before you could do or say anything farther, Will's hand shoots forward to grasp your wrist.

"Don't fucking stop." Will growls as his grip tightly.

His eyes darken, a glint of something beneath them. Like there was a secret to be shared behind blown out pupils. It seems almost sinister.

Your heart skips a beat and your mouth goes dry and all you could do was give him a small nod. Sex brought out this side of an otherwise gentle Will. One you were not willing to challenge.

Once Will felt like he was fully prepped and ready, he made you withdrawal your soaked fingers. With shaking hands gripping your cock, guiding it to his ready hole. A hiss sounding from Will almost made you stop but you wouldn't dare to do that again.

It felt so fucking good. Stinking in inch by inch. His hole stretching to fit your cock. His insides warm and wet. Pleasure consuming your entire being.

Did all dolls feel like this? Why haven't you tried this before?

Once Will completely bottomed out, he gave you a slight squeeze. You had to hold yourself back, nearly cumming after only just a moment.

Your eyes shut tight as your head falls against Will's chest, trying to focus on breathing. Shaking breaths timed with Will's heartbeat.

A sharp kick to your side, a signal that Will wants you to move. Eyes snap open to look deep into Will's. That look still present, now even darker.

"Take it nice and slow." Will spoke sweetly behind a kind smile. He's gentle once again. Will's changes in mood were slightly off putting.

You began to move at a slow pace, sloppy as you tested the water. Thrusts were shallow and somber. Will's hand grip at your hips and begin guiding your movements.

"Follow my lead." He locked eyes while you felt the need to look away.

His hands push you forward establishing a rythm. Pushing in deep to hit something the made Will gasp and pulling out till your tip was the only thing in him.

You tried focusing on keeping the order as you roll your hips into him but everything felt so good your mind went numb. Will's grunts turned into moans as you kept nailing the spot in him that made him sing.

You push your entire weight onto, trying to reach deeper and deeper. Confidence is now yours when Will clenches around you. The heat is suffocating, sweat pools down your back.

One of his hands leaves your hips, guiding yours onto his weaping cock. Your fingers tightens around it, jerking it in rythm with your thrusts. White drips for his tip on his stomach. He's as close as you.

Your thrusts finally lose pace and your thrusts become shallow once again as you feel like the end is near. Will pulls you in a kiss, swallowing your little sounds, cumming together. White paints your bodies.

You pant as you collapse on top of Will. Your eyes fall heavy as you focus on catching your breath.

"Will you stay with me forever, doll?" You plead once the room had fell silent.

"Till time separates us."

You pull Will close, your head against his neck. In that moment he felt real, almost human. Like his heart beat just as yours. Like flesh and bone.

[shhtickerbook]

Baby Feathers

Merry Christmas!

(Helluva Age regression ficlet that takes place post sinsmas)

I don’t see enough fics that have caregivers who want to try regressing!!! So I decided to fill that void and the soul destroying events of sinsmas gave me lots of agere fodder. have a lovely holiday everybody!!! Fic below!

Stolas had everything planned. It was new years Eve and both Stolas and Blitzø had the holiday just to themselves. Millie and Moxxie were spending the holiday with Millie’s family in Wrath, whilst Loona was going to another party at Beelzebub’s. Stolas had spent many a New Year’s Eve at insufferable galas, but there had always been one silver lining. Both himself and Via would slip away from the ball, where the two would sit on the roof of their mansion and watch the first new year’s moon come to rise. He still hadn’t realised that this would be the first year where they wouldn’t be able to share their tradition. He couldn’t stop thinking of Octavia, their last interaction cruelly playing on loop in his mind. His heart was breaking with every second, but at least he had Blitzø. If he hadn’t been grieving so painfully, maybe he’d be able to enjoy himself.

There was one aspect he found great comfort in though, and that was being able to take care of Blitzø. Over the past few months he’d been introduced to the Imp’s smaller side, which had taken a while for Blitzø to open up about it properly. He was a pretty headstrong character, and struggled s lot when it came to expressing any kind of vulnerability.

Stolas had actually found out by accident, with Blitzø regressing involuntarily after a bad night terror. Stolas’s heart had broke when he found his partner looking so afraid and vulnerable. Blitzø wasn’t able to really explain what was happening, but Stolas was already a parent, it was second nature to know how to comfort little ones after a bad dream. The next morning Blitzø had explained what happened, sometimes he found himself slipping younger in age, usually when he was stressed or was reminded of bad things. Especially since he lost his mother, she was the only person who treat him with gentle nurturing care. When he lost her, he never got to feel that again. So when he began to have these episodes, it became a part of himself he had to hide out of shame.

For a long time he continued to suppress this side of himself, pushing away all these childish longings. But he could only hold it back for so long until his body decided for him. When he did find out, Stolas was almost too supportive of it, finding this side of Blitzø absolutely darling. Lavishing him with toys, clothes and all kinds of things he never even considered trying. Stolas even found himself getting a lot out of caring for him too, it made him feel needed.

-

Blitzø had to admit that it felt great to not hide this side of him anymore. Stolas had officially seen every episode of that pony show, and helped Blitzø brush the manes of every single horse figurine he owned. But ever since the trial, neither Blitzø or Stolas had the time or the mental energy to take come time to relax.

Stolas had felt so guilty that in his current state he hadn’t been able to care for Blitzø, and had even collected a set of gifts for him to open from Sinsmas. On the day itself he’d set aside his little gifts so that he wouldn’t have to open them in front of the others. So he’d made the decision to surprise him with a “little sinsmas” on new years, when they knew they’d have the house all to themselves.

Stolas woke up early to get out the gifts he had stored away. Thankfully he had purchased these before he’d lost all of his money and possessions. But when he did get up, he felt awful. The former prince had slept terribly, tossing and turning as he once again replayed what had happened with Via. He was then cursed with unpleasant dreams that only tortured him further. All he wanted was his daughter, but she wanted nothing to do with him.

Regardless of how he felt, he pushed himself through it, today was for Blitzø. The imp had done so much for him recently, he had to pay it back somehow. He quietly looked through Blitzø’s wardrobe in search of some of his little clothes, choosing an oversized hoodie with some colourful horse motifs. It even had an adorable woollen mane that went down the hood. Last of all he collected a plastic box at the bottom of the wardrobe, stolas recognising it. Inside Blitzø kept all of his baby things, pacifiers, some teethers and other equally adorable equipment. It was adorned with multiple stickers, all in the horse variety.

As he entered back into the main room, stolas began to gather some ingredients for breakfast. The plan was to make Blitzø some oatmeal for breakfast, which was simple enough. Blitzø always liked it drizzled with cherry syrup, and if he was feeling little enough he’d even let Stolas feed him.

Stolas carefully arranged the gifts wrapped in coloured paper by the tree, flicking on the fairy lights for added effect. He loved the small touches of sinsmas, indulging in the little details that made it feel magic. Blitzø had mentioned how sinsmas wasn’t really a special thing when he was a kid, the circus would perform through the whole holiday. Which included an extra special sinsmas day show which was very popular, but it meant he never got to really enjoy the holiday.

He thought of a little blitz crouched by the tree, tearing open coloured parcels in glee. You couldn’t help but smile. As a final touch, he pulled the blinds open to let the light in. Such a simple action turned into a huge mistake. As Stolas glanced outside, his gaze was caught to the horizon. Peeking just through the clouds was the new moon, only barely visible. By tonight it would be hanging at the peak of the sky, even in daylight it was beautiful.

How could something so beautiful destroy him so painfully? Stolas remembered everything, his special tradition with his daughter. He thought of Octavia, sitting alone and watching the moon rise. The way she spat her words towards her father, looking like she genuinely despised him. Who was he kidding? It didn’t look like he hated him, she did hate him. Stolas just sank to the floor, his beak quivering as he felt tears building in his eyes. It was all too much. All he wanted was to hold his daughter in his arms again, but would that ever happen again?

she hated him.

she HATED him.

-

Blitzø turned over in bed, dozily reaching over into the empty space of his bed. He’d gotten so used to sleeping next to somebody again, so when he didn’t feel any feathers in his grasp, it pulled him out from his snoozing.

“Mmme- Stolas?”

He mumbled, eyes fluttering open. As suspected, Stolas wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Pushing himself up onto his elbow before rubbing his eyes, recently Stolas had been the one who stayed in bed. Blitzø would usually let him sleep in for as long as he needed, sometimes leaving a note if he had to leave for work.

With a yawn Blitzø pulled himself up, before hearing something from outside the room. It took him a second to realise in his sleep addled state, but he could clearly hear a sadly familiar sound of crying. Within a second he’d jumped from the bed and thrown open the door.

“Stolas? are you okay?”

In hindsight it was a pretty stupid question, especially when he found said bird on the floor of his sitting room. He was curled in on himself, sobbing bitterly. It was uncomfortably reminiscent of what he’d been like when Octavia had rejected him.

“Hey hey- what’s going on?”

Blitzø joined him on the floor, resting a hand over Stolas’s shaking back. Stolas flinched at the touch at first, but couldn’t help but fall into Blitzø’s hold. Blitzø could feel Stolas’s feathers quivering as he tried to control his sobbing. The Imp couldn’t help but notice that a lot of his little stuff was scattered across the room.

His box of pacifiers and that one hoodie he liked to wear, there were also some new gifts under the tree.

“I had planned to- I’m sorry, i just wanted to make today special for you.”

Stolas whimpered, feeling like he’d ruined everything. He thought he would feel better today, if he got to care for Blitzø. But right now owl felt as fragile as glass, but Blitzø held onto him tight and securely. It clicked as he realised what Stolas had been trying to do, his expression softening.

“Oh stolas, it’s okay.”

“It’s not! All I’ve done is mope around and you’ve had to do everything for me. Not to mention the money you’ve spent and the time I’ve taken up. I had it all planned, you deserved a break-“

It took him a little time to string together his response, tears continuing to dribble down his feathers. He felt pathetic, how was he going to care for a regressed Blitzø when he was this much of a mess? It furthered his suspicion that was just a complete failure when it came to any kind of caregiving.

“Stolas listen to me, it’s okay. It’s.. really sweet you thought of this.”

Blitzø gently tilted his beak to meet his face, the tearstained bird’s expression tugging something on his heartstrings. He looked around, spotting the half made breakfast and carefully arranged presents. All the effort he’d made, for him no less.

“I don’t deserve you.”

He chuckled, managing to pull the lanky heap of owl closer into his lap the best he could. His statement seemed to reactivate Stolas tears though, who cried intelligibly into his chest. It was the other way around, it was Stolas that didn’t deserve him.

Whilst Blitzø still wasn’t entirely sure on what had triggered this, it didn’t take an idiot to know it was related to Octavia. In the time Blitzø had known Stolas, he’d never seen him like this. The Goetian Prince was so broken, fragile. But thankfully Blitzø had some experience in that feeling already.

He let him cry it out for a few minutes, with the shoulder of his shirt becoming very wet. He ran his fingers up and down Stolas’s feathers, gently preening him as he murmured comfort. The sobs eventually died down into sad sniffling, but the grip around him still hadn’t broken. Although Stolas’s heart was breaking, Blitzø’s grip around him was at least keeping said shards in place.

As Blitzø rubbed his back, he was hit with a sudden idea. He felt a little guilty that Stolas had gone through all this trouble for him, especially as he wasn’t feeling anywhere near small. And as much as he cared for Stolas, he couldn’t fake his regression either. Anyways, he didn’t feel like he was the one need in comfort right now.

“Hey, here’s an idea. I know we’ve never talked about this before, but what if you let me take care of you today?”

Stolas stirred a little with a frown, peeling his crispy feathered face away from Blitzø’s chest.

“What do you mean?”

“You take care of me when I’m feeling low, why not let me baby you for once? You’re lookin’ like you need it.”

The more Blitzø thought about it, the more he wanted to give it a try. There was something about the forlorn bird in his arms that melted his heart a little. Was this how Stolas felt with him? Nah, he couldn’t he this cute.

“No, you’re my baby. I care for you, I care for people- it’s what I like to do.”

Stolas suddenly felt flustered, face lighting up bright red. He’d never even considered the idea of swapping roles before. Blitzø was his baby, never the other way around. He wasn’t sure if it felt right to him, he wanted to be the one caring for Blitzø.

“Yeah, and you do a great fuckin job at it. So why not let me return the favour, you might even like it?”

Blitzø teased as he gently pinched the owls red cheeks, already delighting in the idea. Stolas found himself wavering a little, especially with how shivery and weak he was. He looked over at the gifts guiltily, but Blitzø already had it covered.

“Look we could try it today, if you don’t like it, we’ll stop. We can save the gifts for tomorrow, and then you can have your turn babying me, sound okay?”

Blitzø sounded so sure that Stolas found it hard to disagree. Although it still felt very alien, he definitely appreciated this cuddling part right now. So in the end gave a defeated shrug, Blitzø’s face lighting up.

“You just relax and let me take care of everything, feathers.”

Stolas shook for a second, before burying his beak into Blitzø’s shoulder again. Fresh tears erupted seemingly for no specific reason. But this time there was a sense of catharsis that came with it, to be able to cry in safety. Was this how Blitzø felt when Stolas would comfort him whilst small? He hoped so, as it felt pretty damn good.

Blitzø began to rock him back and forth, kissing the crown of his feathers. He gave him a few more minutes to cry, Stolas had been forcing himself into long periods of numbness recently and clearly needed it. Eventually Blitzø shifted Stolas to the side a little, who whined at the movement.

“Lemme just move ya onto the couch, I can’t feel my fuckin’ legs anymore.”

With quite a bit of effort, Blitzø managed to lift the bird onto the couch. Unfolding the blanket over the armrest and tucking it around his skinny frame. Whilst no longer sobbing, Stolas had been reduced to the awkward hiccupy stage. Blitzø told ahold of his hand, squeezing softly to get his attention.

“Hey try and breathe a little, in and out.”

The imp demonstrated, and Stolas tried his hardest to follow. But he found himself falling back into the unhelpful gulping, even with Blitzø’s help.

“Here’s an idea.”

Blitzø turned and rifled through his little box, finding an unopened package. Blitzø himself still hadn’t used these ones as he didn’t like the colours. Stolas turned to see what Blitzø was doing, with his pupils pin-pricking when he spotted it. In his hands was a package of pacifiers, a pack of three different shades of lilac to dark blue.

“You’re doing a shitty job at breathing right now, try one of these. You’ll have no choice but to breathe a little slower.”

He spoke so casually, holding out a dark blue pacifier. Stolas had seen this kind of item many, many times now. But now when it was being presented to him, rather from him? It felt a little scary. Blitzø watched as stolas internally fought with himself, rolling his eyes.

“Cmon, open that beak for me, feathers.”

He used the pet name for the second time, which made Stolas melt a little. As if beyond his control he held his beak open, Blitzø placing the pacifier there before he could change his mind.

The sensation was certainly strange at first, the bird wasn’t really sure what to do with it. But his body was still hellbent on breathing hard, so he focused on trying to breathe nasally instead. Without realising he began to suck on the bulb, and breathed in and out. If it hadn’t been such sad circumstances, Blitzø would’ve definitely taken a photo. It was just too fucking cute. Instead he joined Stolas on the couch, still demonstrating his breathing in time to Stolas’s.

“Feels good doesn’t it?”

Stolas looked up at him lazily, his was face a little red self consciously. But he couldn’t lie, the rhythmic sensation of the pacifier was incredibly soothing. With each minute he understood just why Blitzø liked them so much. There was a cloudy fuzzy sensation in his head, one that forced him away from all the sad and scary feelings. It was a blissful escape, but it wasn’t numbing him the way his pills used to.

So he nodded at his partner, squeezing his hand back tight. They spent the next twenty minutes just cuddling, and Stolas honestly felt the calmest he had in months. Blitzø eventually had to pry the owl off of him to sort out breakfast, turned on the TV for Stolas. He considered what to put on, before setting on an incredibly corny fairytale movie about a princess. But it was worth it to see the way Stolas’s eyes lit up when it came on.

Blitzø made himself a cup of coffee, and poured one of Stolas’s weird fancy teas into one of his own sippy cups. Choosing the moonlight unicorn design, after forcing stolas to watch every episode of his horse show, Stolas had eventually chosen his favourite character. When he returned to the couch, Stolas shuffled over to curl into his chest again. The pacifier still hasn’t left his beak since placing it there, he looked undeniably adorable. Blitzø was just so happy to see him looking content for the first time in days. The two could just spend their day with each-other’s company, enjoying every moment.

-

Neither demon even made it to the end of the movie, the two of them passed out in a tangle of limbs. The bird with his head curled underneath Blitzø’s chin, the imp’s hand subconsciously still stroking his feathers. Blitzø had gotten so used to himself being the baby in their relationship, that he’d never considered how much he’d enjoy swapping places. The remainder of their day continued in a similar fashion, Blitzø leading Stolas along in hand. And to his surprise Stolas was a very quiet little, who didn’t speak much for the rest of the day.

It was different than when he was quiet when he was sad though, Stolas would still giggle if Blitzø said something funny and was clearly enjoying himself. Stolas just felt happy that he didn’t have to try and think of words right now, he could just be. He allowed Blitzø to dress him in some loose cuddly clothes, and even hand feed him little squares of pancake when he felt up to eating.

Blitzø loved learning more about this little side of him. And Stolas found himself embracing a part of himself he’d never even uncovered. They spent the day indoors, playing games and watching movies. In the evening when Blitzø was busy running a bath for him, Stolas couldn’t help but glance outside. The moon was beginning to rise in the early evening, himself and Blitzø agreed to head to bed before midnight. The whole new year’s celebration never interested him too much, he really only ever used it as an excuse to get wasted.

Stolas pulled the pacifier from his beak and dropped it to the floor. Feeling the fog of his small space drift away, he took in a deep breath. Slipping outside onto the balcony, he dared himself to look up at the moon. Giving anything just for one more moment with Octavia, wondering what she was doing right now.

“I know you hate me, and that you can’t even hear me- But I love you so very much.”

He spoke to himself quietly, not breaking eye contact with the rising moon. Hoping that just maybe Octavia could somehow get the message. He stayed there for a little while, not even realising the slow tears dripping down his face until he felt a hand on his. Blitzø didn’t say anything, he stood aside the Owl for a while until he stirred from his trance.

“I got your bath ready, even added a bunch of those bath nukes you like.”

“Bath bombs- you mean.”

Stolas couldn’t help but correct, although he still sounded sad. Blitzø held onto his hand and lead him back inside, finding the pacifier abandoned on the floor.

“Hey you still want this buddy?”

He held it up, unsure if Stolas was feeling completely big again. The owl looked at the object, clearly considering it. He watched the Imp as he stared up at him with genuine adoration. Instead of a verbal response, he just took the pacifier back and allowed himself to sink back into that comforting headspace. The Goetian prince stood tall above Blitzø, and to any old person they must’ve looked ridiculous. But Blitzø looked up at the tall owl and only saw a little baby bird, one that was in desperate need of some love and care.

“Cmon then baby feathers, I have a whole collection of rubber duck horses just waiting to play with ya-“

Merry Christmas y’all ❤️❤️❤️

[starstruckkittensweets]

puppy love

Chuuya Nakahara x Reader

fandom: bungo stray dogs

My latest fixation, Chuuya with puppies! My precious boy deserves to be happy with a doggy of his own, so I decided to play into this little fantasy of mine (and his, probably). I'm planning on writing more parts to this lil series, I think it's helping me get out of my writing slump. Also parts of this fic are inspired by Shiloh, one of my all-time favorite books (so much nostalgia...) and a bit of a reference to that one puppy episode from Wan. And the panel I used for the banner is from the BSD manga (I think it's ch. 24) I hope you enjoy!

warnings: mentions of stray animals, Reader cries but it's in relief, mostly fluff, pet names (mostly "doll" but used only once in this part), the start of a slow burn perhaps? || words: 2k

Part I | Part II | Part III

He’s halfway through his usual trek home, muscles burning and head pounding from another successful night’s mission, when he realizes he has a shadow.

Chuuya doesn’t let up his pace; stay calm, don’t give anything away—but he has to wonder, who could be this stupid to try to follow a mafia executive? And they’re not being subtle about it either. Making no effort to conceal their breaths or their footsteps—

Wait a minute…that sounds too light to be footsteps…

He sucks in a breath and turns around to face the culprit. Hands clenched into fists at his sides, preparing for a fight—

“Woof!”

Staring up at him is perhaps one of the cutest fucking dogs he’s ever laid eyes on. (Not that he’s seen many dogs, but the point still stands.) Pointy ears, fuzzy orange fur, white paws and a belly that definitely looks too plump for a street dog.

He stares at it. The dog stares back, pink tongue lolling out the side of its mouth.

“…Woof!”

It takes every ounce of strength he can muster not to melt right then and there on the sidewalk. A thousand squeals on the tip of his tongue, gloved hands itching to scratch under that fuzzy little chin of his.

Never mind any dog hair, fuck that. Who’s gonna try to turn their nose up at this little cutie?

Chuuya briefly scans the area—not a soul in sight, just him and his companion beneath the lamplights—before dropping to his knees. The dog paws at the ground, his curly tail swishing madly in the air.

“C’mere boy,” he keeps his voice soft, holding out a hand. But the dog doesn’t budge. He just stares at him with that big dumb smile of his.

That really adorable dumb smile.

He tries again. The dog tilts his head and refuses to move. So Chuuya tries another tactic: “C’mere, girl?”

Still doesn’t move a muscle. Although now the dog looks amused as he paces from side to side, just out of Chuuya’s reach.

Yeah, gotta be a boy with that kind of attitude.

Chuuya sighs before pushing himself off the ground. Ah well, guess he’s too nervous to approach humans. Can’t really blame him for that; this city’s got its fair share of unpleasant people. He deals with them all the time, so he can kinda relate.

He shoves his hands back into his pockets (try not to think about how soft the dog’s fur must be) and turns on his heel to head home. It’s getting late anyway, and he’s got to get an early start tomorrow morning. He can’t be spending all night moping around some stray puppy following him around.

Even if he is the cutest thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

But he only gets a few steps in before hearing the unmistakable click-click of the dog’s nails against the pavement. He stops, the dog stops too. He glances over his shoulder, biting back a smile at the dog’s happy face.

“What do you want, huh? I don’t have any food, so if that’s what you’re looking for…”

Not that he looks like he needs any treats to begin with. He’s seen a few of the dogs roaming around Yokohama, all skin and bones as they pick through tipped-over trash cans. And the stray cats are no better, ears flat against their skulls as they hiss and claw at everything in sight.

So why does this dog look so fucking proud of himself?

Chuuya sighs and whistles to himself—and suddenly the dog comes running.

Two dirty paws plant themselves on his dress pants, that’ll surely be hard to get out, but how can he get angry when the dog’s trying so hard to reach his face? He chuckles under his breath as he kneels down to his level, as the dog plants kiss after kiss on his face with his slobbery tongue.

“Who knew all it took was a whistle?” he says more to himself than to the pup. The dog’s tail is wagging so hard he thinks it’ll fall off, the tiny little thing that it is.

He slides one of his gloves off, letting the dog sniff his hand before scratching him behind the ears. He was right, his fur is so soft… And his smile only gets bigger when the dog licks him again, not even minding all the drool.

But then he stiffens, slipping his fingers through the dog’s fur, noticing a red band of leather fastened around his neck. A collar? No way he’s someone’s pet. Then again, he does look a little too spoiled to be wandering the streets for food.

He curls his finger around the golden tag dangling from the buckle. No name, only an address he thinks he recognizes. Right on the edge of Yokohama, where the scent of sea salt is the strongest. Is it someone’s house? Apartment? Maybe a  shelter of some kind?

Chuuya steals another look at the dog, at those sweet brown eyes and twitching wet nose, trying his best to ignore the icy clench of his stomach. Maybe it’s for the best, just to bring him back. What’s he gonna do with a dog, anyway? Not like his job allows for much time raising a puppy, anyway.

Even one so cute as this little guy.

“Alright,” he sighs, scooping the pup in his arms, “let’s get you home.” He tries not to dwell on how warm the puppy is, or how softly he nestles his face in the crook of his shoulder.

And definitely not the way he can feel the pup drifting off to sleep as he starts down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. Gentle puffs against his skin, his curly tail twitching against his wrist.

“Kotaro! There you are!”

The engraving on the pup’s collar has led him to a tiny little shop a few minutes from the port. A bit shabby with a torn sign on the top and windows that have definitely seen better days, and he’s about to turn tail (no pun intended) until he sees someone nearly fly out through the set of double doors.

“Kotaro!” Your voice is strained, tears streaming down your cheeks as you sweep the puppy into your arms. Clutching him as tight as you can, smoothing down the fur on his head as he stirs awake from his little nap. “I was worried sick… How did you escape again?! I could’ve sworn I locked the doors… You’re just lucky I came back downstairs when I did—or else you would’ve been out there all night long!”

The puppy only wags his tail, staring up at you with those silly eyes and sweet little “smile.” He knows it’s your weakness, how could you be angry at a face like that?

Oh, well. As long as he’s safe, you can’t really hold a grudge against him. Not when he’s back in your arms, safe and sound, and it’s just the two of you, just as it always should be.

It’s only when you hear someone clear their throat that you realize you’re actually not alone. You hastily wipe your eyes with the back of your hand—it’s a little difficult with a nearly-twenty-pound dog in your arms—and stare up at the man before you. Kotaro’s savior, your savior. And suddenly you feel a fresh wave of tears surge forth.

“Thank you for bringing him back! I’m so sorry if he’s caused you any trouble, I know he has a habit of bothering people when he sneaks out—I thought I’d kept him inside this time! He just has a thing for running away like the little troublemaker he is. He’s still young, hopefully he’ll grow out of it when he’s older, maybe he’ll mellow out and settle down, and then…”

You bite your tongue and avert your eyes. No need to scare off the stranger with your incessant rambling, especially after he was so nice to bring Kotaro back to you. But he only shakes his head, a soft smile on his lips as he tips his hat over his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, he didn’t cause too much trouble.” He lifts a hand, allowing Kotaro to sniff him before scratching the fur beneath his chin. “Keep an eye on him, though. You don’t want him getting lost out there, especially this time of night.”

“I know… I swear, he’s gonna give me gray hairs before the end of the year. The other dogs aren’t even this mischievous, I don’t know where he got it from!”

Wait, other dogs?

He glances over your shoulder, towards the dingy windows of the shop. Pet supplies and part-time shelter, the sign plastered on the glass says. And sure enough, the closer he looks at your outfit, he can see little bits of dog fur clinging to the fabric—some gray, some brown, some white, and then a hint of orange thanks to Kotaro.

Just how many dogs do you have in there?

“Anyway, I just wanna say I really appreciate you bringing him back here. You didn’t have to, I know you’re probably busy. Let me just run inside and get my wallet, I think I have some left over if you want—”

But he’s quick to shut you down with a shake of his head, even a wave of his hands for emphasis. No money, he’s already got plenty of that to spare. And besides, it doesn’t sit right with him, paying him for something that should come naturally to any decent person.

And he doesn’t want to sound mean, but judging from the shape of that little shop of yours, you look like you can use every last cent you have.

“Oh, if you say so… But still, why don’t I make it up to you sometime?”

An uneasy silence settles in the air between you; Chuuya blinks as he watches you shift your weight, partially hiding your face in Kotaro’s fur.

“…I mean, you don’t have to—I just wanna pay you back some way! Maybe I can treat you to lunch one of these days? I don’t have many days off, but I can make it work! Or maybe…do you have a dog of your own? I can give you a discount on anything in the shop!” You throw an arm out to the double doors behind you, still holding Kotaro to your chest. “Name it and it’s yours! I really don’t mind, it’s just me here anyway. Well, me and the dogs, all nine of us.”

Wait, nine, including yourself…

“You have eight of them?!”

A laugh bubbles up in your throat at the look on Chuuya’s face. He reminds you of a child on Christmas morning, staring at the presents strewn around the glowing tree. He doesn’t seem one to enjoy the company of dogs, given his fancy attire and confident aura.

And yet, he still brought Kotaro back home, when he could’ve easily turned and walked the other way. You’ve learned not to judge a book by its cover, after all.

“Eight dogs, and hopefully more by the end of the year.” Your cheeks grow warm beneath his startling blue gaze. (His eyes are really pretty up close, aren’t they?) “…I can tell you all about them on our lunch date, if you’re interested.”

He blinks, eyes flitting back and forth between you and the dog in your arms. You’ve got guts, he’ll give you that; he can see it in the way you talk to him, the way you hold the puppy in your arms. Gentle as ever, but a fire brimming in your eyes. You love this dog, no doubt about it.

And you’ve got seven more inside? Do you love them all the same amount?

What breeds are they? How did you come to adopt so many dogs at once? Or did you adopt them at once, or sporadically over the years?

So many questions, and yet the night is crawling by. He shakes his head again, giving Kotaro one last scratch behind the ears, before meeting your gaze once more.

“Lunch sounds perfect, doll.”

Your lips pull up in a smile, and he can’t help but notice how it nearly matches the one on Kotaro’s face. Bright and eager, melting under the attention of the ones around you.

And yet your smile is infinitely prettier, and he finds himself thinking about it as he starts the familiar journey back home, as the night hours slowly tick by.

[chocolatespringonion]

What if Hughie suddenly goes mad?

Hughie was tired of all the violence, death and murders. When he finally couldn't take it anymore and his already fragile mind, broke.

He became disoriented, unable to know where he is, who the people around him are, his mind is melting bit by bit until The Boys doesn't know what to do with him. They pitied the boy as one single thought appeared inside their head, Butcher had finally broken that boy.

Butcher refused to admit it himself of course. But deep down he could feel guilt creeping up his spine and whenever those unpleasant feelings appear he would pump himself full of tempV and went off to go Supe hunting.

The Boys unanimously agreed for Hughie's and their own safety, they will admit the boy into a mental hospital, hoping he would be safe and able to bounce back from whatever he is currently experiencing.

Hughie didn't let himself taken away without a fight, despite his disorientation and hysteria he understood his own friends are trying to send him away. He yelled and cried, saying he was not crazy but his pleas fell into deaf ears as he was dragged away into his new prison cell.

Months went by, The Boys and Annie would usually visit him once a week, but seeing how unresponsive Hughie had became towards them, the visitation became less and less. From once a week to once every 2 weeks, to once a month, to finally Hughie doesn't know if they'll ever come back.

On his rare days of being sober he would understand that his friends did this for his own safety but when those episodes came where he would break down and his brain would turn into a mushy paste, the betrayal would sting like hot molten iron. Hughie dreads the days where his sober state would leave him completely.

6 months later.

Homelander had gotten a schedule from Ashley that he is to catter to the young people by supporting the idea of caring for the mentally ill, something about how young people nowadays care a lot for mental health so Homelander should get on the bandwagon.

The bright idea was Homelander will visit a chosen mental hospital by roulette and he would care, listen and help those who was mentally vulnerable.

The first part of the filming was done, Homelander talking and playing simple games with the people he would assume had a problem with delusions, he talked and shared his tales with the depressed patients and they even managed to stage a rescue of a schizophrenic patient. Homelander was far from pleased with this work but what can he do?

After wrapping up the first day Homelander was allowed to roam around as he please. He stumbled upon an open door and took a glance inside.

Inside was a familiar man dressed the same as the other in a blue gown, sitting on the windowsills as the sun shines on his face making him appear somewhat ethereal. He was looking outside but it seems his mind are elsewhere.

It was Hughie Campbell.

Homelander knew he hadn't seen the Campbell boy in a while, he even asked Butcher in passing one time, the question made the other man's expression turn fierce and almost in a brink of snapping. Homelander was too entertained by his irritation to question again but he now knew the reason for the man's defensive reaction.

Out of curiosity, Homelander stepped into the room. His presence seems to catch the boy's attention and he looked away from the window and now to face Homelander.

The supe expected Hughie to panic and scream or maybe even beg for his life but what the other did was unexpected, he smiled brightly at the supe until his dimples are visible, he was happy?

"Hello, I'm Hughie. It's nice to have a visitor, who are you?"

Speechless, Homelander only stared at Hughie, making the other tilt his head and drop down from the window and walked closer to the blonde supe. Hughie invaded Homelander's personal space and stared closely into the supe's eyes, Homelander could even feel the other's breath with how close their proximity are.

"You- are pretty. I like you." Hughie leaned himself closer and pushed his lips against Homelander's.

The kiss was like no other he had experienced before, it was fleeting, not a hint of fear nor hidden objective, just a simple innocent peck on his lips.

Hughie pulled away and grinned at the supe, proud of his own achievement. "We're married now."

Homelander should've exploded in anger, he should've destroyed Hughie Campbell here and then, leaving nothing of the boy but ashes, he should've leveled this place that witnessed his shame to the ground, but he didn't.

It was the first time he felt such innocence, be felt nothing but the boy who was staring intently at his expression, studying it and when it didn't give him the result he hoped for, his smile faded into sadness.

"You don't like me anymore? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, don't be mad." Hughie began crying and wiping the tears with his bare hands. It couldn't help but pulled the strings of Homelander's heart.

"I'm not mad." No that isn't right, he needs to make sure that what happened earlier was only a coincidence or a mistake. "I won't be mad anymore if you kiss me again."

Hughie sniffed and looked up from the ground into the supe's eyes. "Really? Not angry?"

Homelander nods. But he couldn't help but second guess himself, what the fuck is he doing?

Hughie's face suddenly beamed in happiness as he pulled Homelander into his arms. "Uh-huh. I'll kiss everyday so don't be angry anymore, okay?" He once again captured Homelander's lips into an innocent kiss which this time dispelled the supe's doubts.

He-liked it?

Hughie kept kissing Homelander in the cheek afterwards while the supe was dumbfounded in place. A nearby nurse saw this and panicked, "Sir! Don't do that!"

Homelander just stood there as the nurse brought backup to restrain Hughie and calm him down. Homelander who was watching Hughie crying in helplessness calling out, "Wife! Wife! I want to be with my wife!"

Homelander questions himself, Is that supposed to be him?

When Hughie finally sleeps did the nurse apologized multiple times for the inconvenience. Homelander dismissed her saying it wasn't a big deal at all, and how he was thankful these people could have someone as capable as her caring for them. Which made her smile and leave the room as Homelander's new fan.

Homelander stared at the sleeping Hughie, now so peaceful and different from his manic behavior earlier. He is used to see fear and nervousness from the human, so this is how he is when he's now afraid?

It was a new feeling for Homelander. No fear, no expectations, no ulterior motives, just Homelander being himself had made the boy's previous melancholic face bloom into one of joy.

Homelander didn't realise it himself but his previously wrinkled and battered heart is now moved by the sleeping man.

Maybe he'll try to prolong his job here for a bit.

****

Hughie woke up late at night and saw the leather holding him down on the bed. So he probably did something and the nurse had to tie him down to give him his medicine. He sigh, as he tries to recall the day's events, it's hard for him to try and remember what happened during one of his episodes, but this time he vaguely remember kissing someone and calling them wife, he couldn't remember who the other was, only that empty blue eyes which was beginning to shimmer in an unspoken emotion.

Shit. No wonder he was now tied up in bed.

Hopefully his victim didn't hate him too much and forgives him for the offense. He doubts they'll be meeting again, no one wants to get attacked by a madman a second time.

***

How is he going to make Hughie kiss him again?

Was the thought belonging to the one and only Homelander as he was standing in front of Hughie's door again the very next day. It didn't take anything at all in fact. When Homelander opened and Hughie saw him, the other jumped out of his bed and immediately latched himself to the supe. Homelander quickly closed the door behind him to let them not be disturbed.

Hughie started hugging the blonde and put his chin on the blonde's head, "Wife, you came back. I'm so happy."

"I'm not—" Wait if he said he is not his wife, would the other cry again? "—going to leave you. Why would you think that?"

"I'm sorry. I was insensitive. Of course wife is the best. Wife is the kindest and prettiest." Hughie began innocently kissing Homelander's cheek again.

Since when does he have such Saint like patience? But it seems whenever it's Hughie, his temper wouldn't flare.

"Wife, do you want a kiss?" Hughie stared down innocently at Homelander.

It was what he was after since the beginning after all. "Sure."

The human leaned down and once again their lips met.

Without even knowing it, Homelander had became addicted to the madman called Hughie Campbell who is clearly not in his right mind. But he didn't care. For the first time in his life he felt free of the darkness of the human heart and enjoyed the pure feelings only a madman is capable of giving.

He hoped, Hughie will never regain his sanity. Maybe he should steal the boy away from here and let him stay in his condo indefinitely to ensure he'll stay Homelander's and will stay as he is.

***

It was sunset when Hughie had finally gained his sanity back. Once again he only remembered bits of pieces of his episodes but he remembered he had attacked someone with kisses again.

Since when had he become a kiss maniac?

Despite not remembering the other's identity he knows it must be the same person. He could remember the sensation of the kiss today and different from yesterday, he could feel the other reciprocate his advances. How those previously dull blue eyes brighten as it laid eyes on Hughie, and how it became misty when they kissed.

His heart pounds when he remembers the feeling.

"God. This is so fucked up." But he enjoyed it. Unlike when he kissed Robin or Annie, this mysterious person didn't feel like the usual confident women he's been with. This person was more timid in the beginning and became needy in the end, as if they needed—no CRAVED Hughie so bad the black hole inside the other is trying to swallow Hughie whole.

And Hughie liked it.

"Christ. I'm so fucked up."

_____________________________

A/n: I wrote this while still haven't watched season 4 of The Boys and as I'm having a huge important thing tomorrow. I wrote this instead of preparing.....

This is Top!Hughie x Bottom!Homelander for me. Hughie is crazy and Homelander is crazy, when you add minus with minus it became positive so naturally this would be sane and normal, right? Right...?

[onyourhyuck]

LUKEWARM. L.DH | Episode 1

— Title: ‘Wasteland, baby.’

— Summary: Hong Yujin is the new patient at the psych ward admitted for her eating disorder. On the first day of being admitted she meets Haechan, a patient being treated for his bpd. Yujin already claims to hate him; he is everything she dislikes. Loud, annoying, self destructive.

— Genre: Psych ward, hospital, mental illnesses, can be triggering so read at your own risk, guys take care of yourself, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of bpd, suggestive, smut, angst etc.

— Notes: please don’t read if you’ll be triggered !! Take care of yourself guys.

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Yujin is emotionally constipated and Haechan is a meddler.

The two most complex cases in the ward — happen to be each other’s triggers and worst of friends in the whole of hospital. Putting these two and two together is like asking for a death wish to happen.

You see punishment takes in many different forms. Yujin is convinced that god is punishing her with Haechan messing up her life whenever she’s in a good mood.

The young girl only recently started to enrol in this hospital not out of her own choice. News spread around quickly of Yujin and of course Haechan wanted to see the newbie for himself. She remembers how he bothered her with so much questions on the first day. Now Yujin wishes he would choke and shut up for once.

If there was a thing to describe him. It would be running tap water.

Strange interpretation right? Yujin likes to think that Haechan’s like tap water. Distasteful, stale and unpleasant.

So far it sounds accurate to Yujin.

A plop of weight pressed on the mattress with shoes on the hospital bed. The boy crossed his legs over the covers with a gleeful smile gazing right back at the owner of the room who looks to be the most pissed he’s seen her yet.

How exciting. Haechan loves getting reaction out of people the most. The girl has been his main source of entertainment here since she arrived. It was like a blessing from God, or so he likes to think.

“Get out.” Yujin states not even bothering to say hello or ‘please get out’ it was just a flat out unemotional reaction equivalent to ‘fuck off’ which he pretends that it hurt him. But it didn’t in reality.

The boy gasps pretending to be a freaking sob but he stopped acting when the expression on her face did not budge. Haechan was intrigued by Yujin’s bluntness. Most other patients would’ve backed down and been submissive to him, but not Yujin. He liked that in a very twisted way.

“Oh come on don’t be such a stick in the mud, let me hang out with you.” Haechan flashes her a little smirk hoping it would encourage some agreement between them.

Yujin heavily exhales. Might as well add some smoke particles, Haechan swore he saw her head turning to flames any minute.

“No. If I want to hang out with someone like you I would get a pet dog. Now get out of my room!” The arms extend out towards the door so Haechan can see the way out.

Taken aback by such statements but not letting them phase him outwardly. Haechan definitely notes from bothering her as of lately he did notice Yujin was rather a feisty individual. Deciding it would be even more fun to get on her nerves and push the already pressed buttons even more just for the fun of it. He didn’t actually care that Yujin was upset.

Haechan’s back pressed on the wall while he was sitting up on the bed this time. Legs crossed over the covers with that devilish smile.

“Oh calm down you’re in a mental ward, I’m sure you’ll come across much worse than me.”

The audacity to have Haechan smiling at her at this time? Yujin feels every inch of her body blood boiling to the point she couldn’t stand straight and see clearly.

Yujin glares over at the boy who made himself comfortable on the bed unannounced with one leg over the covers as if he owns this freaking ward to himself. Yujin stands there in middle of the room immediately ready to protest to the boy who gave no ounce of care.

“Who do you think you are?” Yujin says with an unamused expression.

The boy notices Yujin’s reaction to him sitting down on her bed and her glare. It would fun seeing someone else react this much, Haechan sometimes wonders if her head will explode someday.

The girl has only enrolled recently. He grins from ear to ear. It was fun however. Especially to a guy like him.

Haechan leans back on the bed and rests his feet against the wall. He grabs a magazine off the bedside table and begins to read, as if he’s at home. “Oh come on, what makes you think you own everything here? Who do you think you are?”

Haechan taunts her back. He can’t get enough of this interaction. It was like watching a sitcom on television but he was starring himself.

The moment which was full of tension like a chalk scraping at the chalkboard in a classroom. It felt like a million knives stabbing in the same constant pressure point on a body. It wasn’t a good energy at all so when the young nurse walked in on the moment, she was rather surprised to see Haechan on the bed already harassing the new patient.

The nurse furrows her eyebrows. “Haechan shouldn’t you be in your room taking your medication with nurse Joong?”

His eyes dart away from Yujin to the nurse rather eerily and he slants forward with a dropping smile. “Awh bummer — well this was fun.” He said it like he spent most of the living moments in this ward.

Yujin couldn’t put her finger on it, but it certainly sounds like Haechan was used to the pills prescribed.

But before he was fully leaving he whispers to Yujin. “Welcome to the Wasteland, baby.”

Not quite understanding what the boy meant. Yujin frowned and turned back but by then he was gone on his way.

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work. Please reblog this blog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out !

[bartxnhood]

lost stars | c.b

colby brock x reader

summary: colby is always there for you. even at your worst.

warnings: mentions of depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, etc.

a/n: i’ve been kinda in a slump lately so this is kinda a self insert, but also if any of my followers or you come across this i genuinely hope you know that it will get better. if you need someone to talk to me, please reach out to me. i’ll always be here for you. ❤️

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you were overcome with a familiar sensation. the sensation of having everyone around you but still feeling alone in the world occurred often. the need to curl up under your covers and wither away, the pain in your chest, the random tears, the feeling that you're going crazy. everything was wrong, but you were unable to express your feelings.

you surrounded yourself with toxic people over the years, hungry for any type of attention, even if it was unpleasant. you desired to feel something. even if that meant it hurt you more, it was better than nothing. you weren't numb.

you tried to block out your thoughts with music, but the songs only served to highlight how unhappy you were. your life was uninteresting, and you feared you'd never feel genuine happiness again. until you met colby, you saw everything in black and white.

he was a colorful person who saw the good in the world while you only saw the terrible. it has been said that opposites attract. despite this, you two had a lot in common after the meeting.

first and foremost, both of you had excellent musical tastes. if one of you discovered a new song or band, you'd tell each other about it. alternatively, if colby was droning on about the paranormal and his love for hunting the unknown, you'd be all ears, staring at him with the brightest smile, seeing how his eyes lit up. colby often enjoyed movie marathons with you; you'd both choose a few films you hadn't seen before and watch them together, along with the occasional old favorite you both adored.

“oh cmon, there was totally enough room for jack!” you exclaimed with the remote in hand. you just finished watching titanic for probably the hundredth time with him and you were back to arguing about the ending. “i’m not saying there wasn’t, jus sayin it would’ve been hard to balance!” he laughed, standing up from your sofa with the popcorn bowl in hand. “okay yeah maybe, but that’s why she had the life jacket!” you heard him snicker from the kitchen, “y/n, the movie is twenty years old, i don’t think it’ll change anytime soon. sorry darling” he walked back into the living room falling by your side.

though, it wasn’t always glamorous. you knew colby was famous, you know girls practically threw themselves at him and it did make you uneasy.

not that you thought you weren’t good enough for him, but the fear that once you had another episode, he would leave you.

colby understood about your mental health; he was always there for you and would do whatever to help you the best he could. you never wanted him to see you at your lowest; it was a difficult period for you, and you didn't want colby to bear that burden.

you were going through that again. everything went back to black and white, and the color faded day by day. you began to lose that sparkle in your eyes, you stopped smiling at his texts, you slept most of the day, you didn't leave your bed, and you even forgot to eat some days. your body was once again being overwhelmed by that sensation.

colby began to notice your absence, your one-word texts back, or even not messaging back for hours. it was like a complete shift. he was aware of what was going on and did not hold it against you. you needed time to deal with everything, but he didn't want you alone. he didn't have much experience with what you were feeling, but he would spend every single day with you just to understand; he wants to help you. he doesn't want you to suffer any longer, and even if you didn't talk to him or tell him how you felt, he wanted you to know he was there for you no matter what.

you lay on your bed, a mountain of sheets covering your body. all of your lights were turned out, and the only light came from your window. you couldn't recall when you last showered, maybe four days ago if you had to guess.

when you tried to close your eyes, you felt that familiar aching in your chest again. you began to cry as memories flooded your head. it was annoying not to be able to sleep without your mind taking control. reminding yourself of all you could have done better or things that have contributed to your depression. you felt guilty for everything, even if it had nothing to do with you.

you rolled over, facing your window and door. It was almost midnight. you just wanted to sleep, but following your previous naps, you doubted you'd get any. you tried to close your eyes and rest, but were interrupted by a knock at the door. "y/n?" you heard your boyfriend's voice and opened the door, only to be met with darkness. you opened your eyes and looked at him. "colby?"

he entered, closing the door behind him. "you vanished, and I just wanted to check on you." he left his spare key on your desk. "im okay," he knew you weren't, so he moved over to your side and perched on the edge of the bed. "you sure?" he asks, reaching for your hand. "i know you're having a hard time; whether you let me in or not is up to you." "but I hate seeing you suffer like this, y/n," he implored, his thumb sliding over your knuckles. meanwhile, you chewed on the inside of your cheek as you stared at the wall, fighting back the surge of emotions. "I just," you began, exhaling the breath you felt you'd been holding.

“I'm not sure, colbs. "I just don't know," you hesitated, "I always end up like this again." I can't express how I feel. "I've spent so much time suffering that it's normal," you explained, a few tears falling from your eyes. I don't want to put you down because you deserve so much more."

colby rose, had you scoot over, and took your place on the bed. he drew you closer, allowing you to cry with your head on his chest. "please don't say that." knowing how depressed you were shattered his heart. "i want to be there for you no matter how many times you go through this. “its a part of you that i still adore. you closed your eyes, fighting back tears as he smiled sadly.

"youll get through this, and I'll be right here until you do. you don't have to be alone anymore."

[sleepingdeath-light]

relationship hcs ; jax

requested by ; anonymous (26/10/23) & anonymous (27/10/23)

fandom(s) ; the amazing digital circus

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; jax

outline ; “i'm so excited you're doing requests for TADC!!!!! do you have any general dating hcs for jax?”

&

“I saw that you now do The Amazing Digital Circus requests!

Soooo how about Jax relationship headcanons?”

note ; characterisation may be shaky as we only have the pilot episode out so far

warning(s) ; canon typical asshole behaviour from jax, mostly fluff!

first and foremost, jax is an asshole and that will not change when the two of you start flirting or when you become an ‘official’ couple — he’s not outright malicious towards you anymore, sure, but he’ll keep on teasing and messing with you at every opportunity (he’s also very unlikely to apologise unless he feels like you’re genuinely upset with him and he can’t sweet talk his way out of it)

pranks and teasing are a big part of your relationship, especially if you’re able to match his mischievousness — whether that’s him leaving things in your room for you to find later that he knows will startle you, using nicknames for you that are more amusing than intimate (e.g. something poking fun at your avatar’s height, an inside joke, or just generally teasing you for something you’ve done in front of him that he refuses to let you live down)

he’s a massive flirt and always finds a way to work around caine’s rules and regulations — he leaves just enough unsaid to get the real message across and absolutely loves watching you process what he’s said and then get flustered or frustrated once you realise what he really means (even if you playfully smack him on the chest or arm because it’s more than worth it for him)

physical affection with jax only really occurs on his terms with very few exceptions — such as when he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you against his side, or (if your avatar has hair) when he messes up your hair right after you’ve finished the introduction song — the main exception to the rule is if you’re really not doing too well and need to be grounded or comforted because of it (i.e. you’re experiencing a mental break due to your circumstances or are starting to get close to the point of abstraction for whatever reason — he might be an ass, but he cares and he doesn’t want to lose you)

during caine’s missions he generally prefers to hang out with you if possible, whether that means going off and doing your own thing, watching the inevitable chaos unfold from a safe distance, or actually participating (usually because you’re bored and he just wants to see funny things happen to people) — but that doesn’t mean you’re safe if he decides he’s bored, and he has on several occasions pushed you straight into the ‘line of fire’ of whatever you’re meant to be fighting just to see what you’ll do

(he wouldn’t do it if you could actually get hurt, mind you, but as you’re all physically safe no matter what you’re facing he’s willing to take the risk and the time in the ‘dog rabbit house’ for a laugh)

you’re just about the only person he’ll listen to if ever you tell him to ‘tone it down’… but only for a short while — yeah he can stop teasing pomni for ten minutes to let the poor jester get her bearings, and sure he’ll lay off the bugs in ragatha’s room for a week, but things always return to normal after that because he’s remarkably stubborn, a bit of an ass, and endlessly amused by the ‘suffering’ of others in the circus

if a new character or npc tries to flirt with you then he’s going to go from sassy and sarcastic to outright malicious — more openly so if it’s an npc (at least until caine gets the hint and decommissions them) but if it’s a new character trying to intrude on your relationship then he’s going to make it explicitly clear that (a) you’re taken, (b) you’re exclusive with him, and (c) he will make their time in the circus even more unpleasant if they continue down that path (especially if it’s actively making you uncomfortable in addition to just being disrespectful)

(he might not be able to cause them any harm, but he has keys to everyone’s room and little regard for the safety of others during ‘missions’ so he’s more than able to make them regret flirting with you if he wants)

[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fanfic)

Chapter 4

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader

Warnings: None. Slightly mature language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

…………………………..

Jude let go of her hands, which fell in her lap, and took two steps back to look at her. The mood needed some lightening up.

‘Look at you, shooting me down two nights in a row. One would think I played for Barca, not Madrid.’

This made her look back at him. His silliness made her smile, she couldn’t help herself.

‘There is no way I would be sitting in your kitchen if that were the case.’

‘Finally, the sass is back. Hallelujah!’

He mimicked his celebration, with his hands raised, quite proud of himself in the moment.

She tried kicking his knee to wipe that smirk off his face but he dodged just in time, both laughing by now.

‘Let’s get some food in you. And more wine, definitely more wine. Then we will talk.’

They moved to the living room couch with their dinner and drinks, and settled on watching an episode of Friends. Both knew the show by heart and it served as the perfect distraction. The food was lovely too. White sauce pasta was her ultimate comfort food - she had no idea how he chose this or if it was just something his cook decided to make.

But what helped the most was the wine. It tasted like little drops of heaven. She knew it would be some fancy ass bottle she won’t even be able to pronounce so she didn’t even bother checking the name.

It had started raining by then, she could see the downpour through the French windows facing the backyard. And in Madrid, when it rained, it poured.

While she was looking outside, he cleared the empty plates and came back to the couch with re-filled glasses.

‘Agnes will drop you back later, don’t worry. He’s awesome at driving.’

She turned around and thanked him with a genuine smile, taking the glass from his outstretched hand.

‘Now, tell me, why so intent on shooting me down?’

He tilted his head towards her, patiently waiting for a response. Ananya looked down wryly, while her fingers played with the fabric of the couch.

‘It’s not something I set out to do. But, you and me, we are so different. Don’t you think?’

‘Why do you think so?’

‘Isn’t it obvious? Our jobs, our worlds, our lives, our circles, our priorities - every damn thing is different. There is nothing in common.’

‘Or we are two young, lively, ambitious people, enjoying life in a new city while still being connected to our families back home. That’s how I see it.’

She shook her head in frustration.

‘C’monn, Jude. I am sure you can see my point. You can see what I mean.’

He scanned her face for a few seconds, before conceding.

‘Alright, cool. Yes, we are different. Why is that such a bad thing though? Don’t opposites attract?’

‘Only in movies. And novels. Not in real life. Practicality always wins in real life.’

‘Don’t believe in romance then? In love and fairy tales?’

‘Romance, yes. Love, yes. But not in fairy tales. Not in Price Charming or a White Knight. Not in some star crossed lovers kinda story.’

‘That’s too much scepticism for a 20 year old, y’know.’

She just shrugged in response. He wondered if there was a story behind it. If something, someone rather, made her feel this way. But that thought was so unpleasant that he quickly snapped out of it. Conversation for another time.

‘Ok, let’s stick to practicality then. Let’s break it down. Why can’t we give this a try and see where it goes? Why do we have to think 50 steps ahead on day 1?

‘Define giving it a try.’

‘Dating.’

‘And what would that entail?’

He had been leaning against the back of the couch but sat upright then, and looked at her quizzically.

‘You are asking me what dating entails?’

‘No. I am asking what dating you entails. Would it mean going to your matches, going out in the city with you, to be clicked in public with you? Yeah?’

‘Well, yeah, I guess.’

She sighed, and he put his glass on the table, utterly confused now. When she spoke next, her voice was small but firm.

‘The thing is, just the thought of that, of so many eyes on me is nauseating. It makes me want to run. I can’t handle the pressure of being in the public eye like that. Of being under constant scrutiny. The media will dig out every photo, every text, every said and unsaid thing. And not just that, the fans Jude. Some of your fan girls will absolutely detest my existence, for not being deserving in their eye of the most sought after guy in all of Europe maybe. And I live here, right in the epicentre of all this. It won’t just be virtual. It will be everywhere around me.’

Ananya took a big sip from her glass, almost gulping down the remaining half in one go. While he sat still, trying to process everything she was saying. She continued immediately after.

‘Also, who’s gonna take me seriously at work then? Do you know how hard it is to get into investment banking? There are so few women who graduate to leadership roles in this field - the glass ceiling is present and real. And I am just starting out. I worked my ass off to get here. But they will all just look at me as your…, as some kind of floozy..’

He didn’t let her finish. Jude grabbed both her hands, held them together between his and squeezed firmly.

‘Shhhhhhhh, calm down, calm down babe. I hear you.’

She breathed heavily, gradually opening her eyes as he kept making shushing noises in the meantime.

His eyes were kind and sincere, seeking hers. She nearly got pulled into them but managed to regain her balance. He spoke softly, with understanding.

‘It’s not that bad for some guys, y’know. Tony was telling me how Jessica has pretty much been able to do her own thing here, without much glare. Same for quite a few other guys.’

‘Jude, they are not you. And please don’t make me explain what that means, you already know it.’

Yes, he knew what she meant. She could see it with the resignation in his eyes.

It was his turn to look away to compose himself. She couldn’t resist admiring his face from so close, as he was lost in thought.

‘How about this - we don’t tell anyone. No one. Just you and me. We meet either here or at your place. I will find a way to get there without being seen. No media. No fans. No pictures. No drama. No pressure. Till we are ready. Till you are ready.’

His eyes had changed shade again, filled with resolve now.

She considered every word and replayed it over in her head.

‘That’s not ideal for you, though, is it?’

‘Maybe it is. The media finds enough fodder to rip apart my life and my family’s as it is, let’s not give them more juice. It could be a good thing dove, seriously.’

She scanned his face to see if he really meant what he said. When she couldn’t find any evidence to the contrary, she let out a little sigh.

‘You are sweet.’

‘You are pretty.’

His instant response threw her off-guard. The look of surprise on her face and her failed attempt to speak was deeply amusing to him. Along with the little blush that was starting to creep up at the top of her cheeks.

She pulled out her hands from his hold, gathered herself and tried to look admonishing. He just laughed at her response and flashed her his biggest smile, all 32 teeth visible.

Ananya was convinced he was just trying to distract her from the conversation. The darned thing was, it was working.

‘Can you please be serious, Jude?’

‘I say it as I see it.’

He retorted, meeting the challenge in her voice.

Just then, his phone rang loudly and they both jumped from the suddenness of it. He looked at the phone, then looked at her indecisively.

‘Umm, it’s my Mum.’

‘Go talk to her, she must be calling about the match. What are you waiting for?’

He beamed happily at her, almost thanking her for understanding. Then quickly answered the phone, moving to the next room. She could see him through the glass windows, walking up and down, practically skipping with joy while discussing the match with his mom.

It was such a sweet moment. He looked like a 5 year old little boy telling his mom he came first in a school race. The love was practically radiating from his being.

She smiled, then busied herself with her phone. Giving them their privacy.

Her insta was filled with messages of shock, awe and jealousy of them getting to watch the Classico live. She chuckled and scrolled through all, reminding herself to respond later.

Roma had sent her a few messages too, asking her how it was going. And throwing in some deeply suggestive comments in between. Ananya could tell her friend was drunk. If only she knew what was really happening here, she would probably murder her.

What was really happening here? She was ruining what was probably the best day of his life yet by discussing her complicated thoughts. He could have been celebrating with his teammates right now, or with anyone else. He deserved to have the moon tonight, not what they were doing.

Guilt set in and she kicked herself for coming over in the first place. He would have been upset but surely he would have found ways to get over it quickly.

The constant pattering of rain outside served as a good distraction. She walked over to the French windows and settled down on the comfy floor seating. The cushions were cozy and the throw was soft; she pulled it up till her waist and shut her eyes for a bit.

She still hadn’t told him the other piece of her hesitation. It was a trickier conversation - she didn’t know how to articulate it, or if she even wanted to. She didn’t know how he would react to such vulnerable admissions. Tonight was so not the night, such horrible timing.

Just then, she heard half-frantic footsteps in the background and moments later she saw him turn the corner.

‘There you are. Thought you ran away without telling me.’

She elbowed his side lightly as he settled down next to her on the floor seating, leaning against the cushions.

‘You think I would do that?.’

‘Been trying to run since yesterday. Don’t trust you yet.’

They were side by side, facing the windows but turned slightly towards each other. Ananya chose to not address the last comment.

‘How was the call? She must have been happy.’

There was the little boy again, smiling from ear to ear, radiating such affection for his mom that it made her heart flutter.

‘She was over the moon. But she’s always like that - twice as happy as me for anything I do. Same with Jobe. She’s just a bundle of love.’

This was just cheating at this point. How was she supposed to resist him like this? But she had to get it off her chest, before it was too late. Before something happens that she can’t go back on.

His eyes turned yet another shade, intense. She could feel them roaming over her now.

‘Listen, about earlier.’

‘Oh yes. Sorry for the interruption. You said there was something else. Tell me.’

Her fingers dug into the cushion as she struggled to articulate this sensitive topic. He watched her movements closely, letting her take his time.

‘I came out of a serious relationship, in fact the only relationship I have been in, about 6 months ago. It was hard, coz I thought that person was THE person I will end up with. He said all the right things, did all the right things but eventually when it came to it, he didn’t have it in him to fight for us enough.’

Jude grabbed a nearby cushion too, resisting the urge to bite on it or rip it open. He could tell her scepticism had a story behind it and this seemed to be that.

‘Not gonna bore you with more about that. But long story short, the idea of being with someone is a bit daunting for me right now. A lot of my fundamental beliefs have been shaken, including my ability to trust in my instincts, which I thought I was good at. I am still trying to piece myself back together block by block. That was another reason to pick Madrid - a complete change of environment. I am not…as in I don’t have any feelings for him anymore but it’s myself that I am trying to understand better. Not sure if that makes sense but that’s what it is. ‘

Just my luck, he thought. The cushion was living on borrowed life in his hands at this point but Jude was proud of the way he had kept his face calm and neutral.

‘Thank you for sharing this with me, couldn’t have been easy. Look, I get it. Coming out of a long relationship can be hard. I have also been in one. Though, I don’t think I was ready for it at the time and I can’t claim to have been a good boyfriend either. But we all learn and grow from our experiences, right? Can’t stop trusting our instincts. Think of it this way - you knew all this yet you are here tonight. Something pulled you towards me. Don’t let your brain deny that.’

Well, she wasn’t denying the pull she felt towards him. She was trying to make sense of it with him. But he still hadn’t gotten the full picture. She needed to spell it out crudely so he really gets it.

Ananya looked straight at him for this - so she could see his reaction closely.

‘Jude - I don’t think I am ready for anything physical. And I don’t know when I will be ready. Or if I will be ready. That’s what I have been trying to tell you.’

She watched the realisation dawn on his face then. Well, finally, she thought. When he didn’t speak for the next 30 seconds, she chimed in again.

‘Look - I know this is atypical and I know this won’t work for you. I get it. We can look at last two days as a different experience and just call it a night. It’s absolutely fine.’

His head shot up at her, and his tone was sharp, for the first time tonight.

‘Sorry - what do you mean you KNOW this won’t work for me?’

‘Because it won’t work for most people in your position.’

She said calmly, trying to keep an even tone.

‘IN MY POSITION? You mean a footballer right? And you know this how? Let me guess - media, social media and gossip pages, correct?’

‘Jude, I..’

‘Tell me this - have I done ANYTHING in the last two days to make you uncomfortable? Did I push you, touch you or even look at you when you didn’t want me to?

‘Please don’t say that. You haven’t. That’s not what I..’

‘Then why, why did you of all people assume I was some sex-crazed animal who is only interested in fucking anyone with….’

She crossed the distance between them, kneeled in front of him and covered his mouth with her hand.

‘Stop, please stop. I am sorry. That’s not what I meant. And yes, I shouldn’t have drawn any conclusions from the media. You are right. Pls I beg you, just calm down. I am so so sorry.’

She could feel his heavy breathing on her hand, but atleast he didn’t push her away. The fight drained out from his eyes slowly, replaced with hurt. Which killed her even more. She moved her hands to his shoulders, gently stroking both.

He spoke in a small voice then, the twinkle lost from his eyes.

‘What did you mean then, if not all that?’

‘I meant that, someone like you, who has the world at his feet right now, who has enough high stakes as it is in his day job, why would such a person want this kind of a restricted set-up? I am sure models, actresses and all such sexy women must be throwing themselves at you left, right and center. You could be with anyone you want to be with.’

He seemed to believe her explanation, from the way his shoulders relaxed and his expression softened.

‘Clearly, not anyone.’

He pointed in her direction. When she didn’t say anything, he reached for her hands lying on his shoulders. And gently, fleetingly brushed his lips on the back of both.

She gasped & shut her eyes, willing herself to not melt. Failing miserably.

‘I believe I have the right to decide who I find sexy. And dove, you are the reason I struggled to sleep last night. Haven’t stopped thinking about you.’

Ananya wanted to hide from his gaze which was burning her even with her eyes closed. But she was transfixed.

‘Plus you are smart, a little lippy, highly opinionated, well-read, brave, vulnerable, honest and so so real. Gosh, I love that about you.’

He requested her to look at him. She obliged.

‘I would take you right now if you were in the same headspace. God knows I have thought about it. But, if taking things slow is what you need and the alternative is you walking out that door forever, then let’s go at a turtle pace. Can’t let go of you.’

He pulled them both up to their feet, standing a few inches away from each other.

Then, he opened his arms for her, inviting her in. She looked between his arms and his face which had an expectant smile, then back to his open arms.

‘Come here, come to me.’

Next second, she found herself against his chest. Strong arms wrapped around her in a gentle hold, pulling her further into his chest. While her hands went around his broad back, clutching at his jumper.

This wasn’t like anything she had ever felt before. His scent, his warmth, his breath, his presence fogged her mind and made her oblivious to everything else in the world.

Jude kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek against it. She bit her cheek to not let out a moan, but failed, making him smile.

‘Feeling what I am feeling?’

‘Yes.’

‘Will you give us a chance, then?’

‘You haven’t left me with a choice.’

‘Finally. Two wins in the same night, I am truly on a roll.’

She giggled against his chest at his silliness, and he followed suit. Feeling his laugh reverberate through his whole body was a feeling she couldn’t describe in words. It was something pure, something ethereal.

They swayed in each other’s arms for minutes, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to disturb the peace of the moment.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she grudgingly removed her cheek that was placed against his chest, and looked up at him.

‘It must be late. I should go now.’

‘If you want, you can take the guest bedroom. And leave in the morning whenever you want.’

‘I have some work in the morning, have to send out some stuff to the New York office.’

‘Agnes can pick up your laptop and bring it here.’

‘Jude - I really don’t think we should be under the same roof tonight.’

‘Don’t trust me?’

‘Don’t trust either of us right now, to be honest.’

He flashed her a mind-numbing smile.

‘Already can’t resist me? I knew it.’

‘Shut up and let me go.’

‘Five more minutes?’

‘Fine.’

She rested her cheek on his chest again, while his went on her head. His arms gently stroking her back, building a cocoon of comfort. They stayed like that for more than 5 mins.

……………………………………………

There you go - hope you are liking the story so far.

Feedback is very very welcome :)

[talkbycolor]

let me hold your hand forever.

A/N; i almost threw up writing this because its not the usual "omg i love this cute yandere boy, so silly!" shit i do

Pairing; "Rendacted" x GN!reader

CW; Ren/[REDACTED] having unhealthy, obsessive and possesive behavior, wow, who would have told / TW; mutilations, romanticizing mutilation by Ren side but MC is really terrified / this is an AU where MC rejected Ren's advances and he lost his infinite patience / character with extremely questionable ethics / wow another nsfw in this blog? / you’re lucky this isn’t visual / i know in canon Rendacted would never hurt MC BUT HEY god gave me the ability to write and im making that everyone else's problem / surreal strength for the sake of the plot, IMPORTANT POINT

It was quite comfortable, having a friend like Ren could even be strange, he looked like cotton candy and it was very nice to spend time together. But then again, you were just friends, it was a little strange that he mentioned being in a relationship with you.

But things have taken a bit of a drastic turn, Ren has spent his days trying to hang out with you, having lunch together, spending nights watching anime and horror movies, that would be nice if it didn't feel so overwhelming.

So it's time to confront him.

"Ren, hey, I know you like me a lot but we can't go out every day, I'm not always up for that so… I'll let you know when we can go out, okay?"

And there was only silence from the pink-haired boy, he seemed to be trying to smile unsuccessfully, just looking at you.

"Of course, angel, don't forget to call me!" He spoke nervously trying to hold back the storm in his throat.

Just when you were about to leave a hand grabbed your forearm, Ren was still looking at you with a smile, a sad smile.

"You're going to call me, right?" He asks, his eyes widening in desperation, Ren didn't want to lose you, he couldn't stand it, not again, what if you're thinking about slowly walking away?

"Sure, later" was the only thing you mentioned before pulling your arm to leave, it's not like you had an avoidant attachment pfff!

The days passed and life could be considered calm, you went out with your friends, you greeted your strange neighbor who loved to walk to her floors, work was not unpleasant and you even bought yourself a small dessert for dinner tonight.

You and Moth talked late into the night about the new episodes and since Haruko was so adorable, life felt peaceful once again. It's not that Ren was a problem, he was attractive and if you had enough self-esteem you would think you had a chance with him but…

I suppose not.

Speaking of Ren, what is he doing now? Visiting him would be a good idea, it's been days since they last spoke.

Once morning arrived you headed towards his large apartment and knocked on the door, not long after it was opened by Ren, who looked just like an abandoned puppy, you could almost see his eyes shine and his breath was lost just by seeing you in front of him. him.

"Angel, you're here! oh god, I-I'm so sorry for the mess, I didn't expect you to come… to my apartment…" It sounded a little strange, but it was just Ren being shy.

"Yeah uh… I'm sorry, are you busy? I can go, yes, maybe I should have let you know I was coming."

"No! NO! it's okay, you just surprised me, do you want a drink? I have your fav-… many options! I have many drink options" He corrected himself immediately with a smile, his face was almost the color of his hair and I was dying to say that I miss you so much.

"Or we can go out, do you want to visit the new cafe? Maybe we can-…"

“No” You interrupted, it sounded a little rude so you cleared your throat. "Now I'm not sure, I was just passing by to say hello, plus I don't have money to buy something…"

"I can buy it for you," he said almost immediately, his eyes fixed on you, almost sweating from having you close.

"That's very generous, Ren, but…"

"Please! It's your day off, right? We could go out and…"

"Ren, I'm not-…"

"Please, angel!" He begged, his hand had climbed to your arm and you didn't even notice, he was now gently squeezing your shoulder, wanting closeness, wanting to date, wanting you and you kept pushing him away.

The atmosphere was a little awkward now, you didn't know whether to be flattered that he thought you were interesting enough for Ren to want to spend time with you or scared by how desperate he looked about it.

"No thanks, I think I better go back to my apartment" You mentioned as you pushed his hand from your arm, you didn't even have time to turn to the door when Ren grabbed your arm tightly, a painful grip.

"Ren?"

"Can we be together, please? I-I'll make you feel special, I want you to be okay and I want you to…" his expression seemed so… surprised, to see you, embarrassed to act like that? scared of being abandoned? overstimulated? "all I want is to be with you!"

He almost roared out, his grip on your arm becoming more and more painful, he was pulling you away from the exit door.

"Ren, that hurts! REN! REN!"

"JUST LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND FOREVER!" He begged between screams, only a beeping sound existed in his head as he watched you fall to the ground in a pool of blood.

Now you were on the ground, screaming and crying out loud, it was agony, Ren had hurt you.

For fuck's sake, not only did he hurt you, he tore your fucking arm off and now you were writhing in your blood as you slowly lost consciousness.

Wake up.

Your body was still shaking, you were still terrified, and you had to escape, where was your arm? As soon as you woke up you found a sweaty Ren who was looking at you with a desperate and nervous smile.

It was a deranged look, almost immediately you started crying out of panic, your arm was gone, your arm, he tore it off, you were hyperventilating as you watched his left arm missing.

"REN! REN!!" You were sobbing in despair, the pool of blood was still on the floor, how long were you unconscious? not much because apparently Ren had tried to stop the bleeding and close the wound, seeing bandages full of blood made you vomit immediately, but that didn't stop you from crying in agony.

"Angel, please! s-stop crying, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, please forgive me! FORGIVE ME, I DIDN'T WANT TO! IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION!" He begged you as he sobbed himself, he had hurt you and that was something he never thought of doing, that he never wanted to do. "l-look, now we are equal, can you forgive me?"

What did he say ..?

Your throat had closed and the screams stopped, that guy was fucking deranged.

He ripped his left arm off of him.

For you.

He came up to hug you, wanting to be comforting, to make you feel accompanied in this, to give you love in such a dark time.

No no no no.

"NO! NO! NOOO! PLEASE, NO!" You screamed in panic as the tears came out, that couldn't be happening, disgust and terror filled your poor mind as you were caressed with so much love, Ren was going to take care of you and promised to never hurt you again.

"We'll be fine angel, just trust me, I'll take care of you." He spoke so lovingly, smiling as he held you, genuinely happy to be so close, to be able to touch you. "Now we match, right?"

He was joking at a moment like that, as if it were nothing, the sobs no longer came out, you could barely breathe while the tears didn't stop and he lulled you into your chest with the help of his only arm.

♡

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 12/24/2024

pair of portentous tuesdayposts: this one is christmas eve and the next one is new year's eve

trying something new with the reading section, where i list off a bunch of books i bounced off and briefly explain why. let me know if this is interesting, or if it's more interesting when i finish a book i sort of enjoyed and really dissect what didn't work for me like with that annoying evil wizard book a couple weeks ago.

listening

the true champ of the past few weeks has been friends at the table's (an actual play podcast about critical worldbuilding, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends) horror/weird west season Sangfielle, and i know i have listened to about sixty hours of it bc i have played about sixty hours of stardew valley. i am currently on ep 49, one before the last finale episode, and it feels like it is wrapping up in a very rushed and weird way? maybe i will feel differently after listening to the six coda episodes wrapping up everyones' characters?

the song of the week is fleet foxes’ white winter hymnal, which is morbidly festive without being strictly christmas-y and is not salting the open emotional wound within my chest that is The Holiday Season. album released 2008. christ im old

-

reading

the concept of this gag award is EXTREMELY funny to me. i wish the EFF sent them a little physical trophy. perhaps a challenge coin.

bounced off a lot of stuff. the six larger books and the far top right are all from my absolute favorite thrift store with the worst vibes, who regularly has a 8/$1 media sale bc they actually want to be more of a kitchen goods and home decor thrift store and don't really want to constantly be overflowing with records no one buys. yet here they are.

i really do need to find a good indie used bookstore around here that will take books and give me back slightly more in store credit than in cash. bc i would like to fill some missing chunks of trilogies/fill out the star wars shelves a little more. but every time i have gone to half price books i have had an unpleasant time.

lumberjanes/bravest warrior/adventure time were not making me feel nostalgic and in fact made me quite sad instead (more in a memento mori way than in subject matter) so they're going to a friend's kid

glad i looked up Heartthrob (despite the really good premise of woman haunted by her heart donor) on my library's comic app bc the third one seems to mostly take place in a mental hospital which is really never a vibe i want

GRIFTER has art i don't love and a bland storyline about an ex-marine who is the saddest boy in the world and can also detect literal space aliens living among us. no thank you

tangle's game has a close-call near-sexual assault in the first chapter. no thank you! cool dystopic social credit score premise but no thanks!

gil's all fright diner is about the king of vampires and the duke of werewolves but they're hicks. the narrator hates that they're dumb hicks. did not jive with the authorial voice on this one

i bought Two Tickets to Tangiers in high school bc it looked cool and have only cracked it open now, almost fifteen years later. fifteen year old kay did not yet have the context clues from the cover that it would be a very racist travelogue

i need to stop trying agatha christie. i am never going to like agatha christie

-

watching

somehow i have seen the first tinker bell fairies movie three times this week bc that's all my bestie's toddlers want to watch. a really stupidly stacked cast??? how did all these people have free time in 2008???

-

playing

finished the community center in summer 2 of stardew valley (wildly popular and very intense farming sim) and would have finished it in winter 1 if not for the FUCKING pufferfish. i hate fishing minigames and i especially hate the fishing minigame in stardew so i am excited to leave it the fuck alone for a while.

my cauliflower got stupid mchugelarge?? i do not know why they did that. also a meteor fell on my farm and gave me a bunch of really valuable ore, just like real life meteors.

i do kind of regret picking the beach farm bc so much of my day is spent watering, but i am trying to lean harder into animal products and being more of a fun silly flower farm instead of the intense agriculture i find myself doing. i have the greenhouse, i have a small patch of sprinklerable land, i will simply make sure to buy some of every seed each season and if i really need something i will toss it in the greenhouse.

-

making

people are being very gracious about their mediocre colored pencil portraits. most of my gift budget this year was two flat rate boxes to my siblings. silly little pet portraits are very cost effective if you already have art supplies, nice paper, gumption, and very cheap small frames.

[velvet-vox]

"Doll had no character arc"

"Her death was meaningless"

"We know nothing about her"

That is false.

This is a response to a post of user @rad10active-ketchup regarding (spoiler) Doll's death in the new episode of Murder drones, in particular to these replies:

These points are most likely rooted in the belief that Doll's death was handled poorly from a writing standpoint, and while I consider it a fair interpretation to have given that writing something to be intentionally disappointing will always feel unpleasant to a consumer, I believe that the reasons found to justify said feeling in the replies are disingenuous and flat out wrong, and I am going to debunk each and every single one of them independently.

Starting off with:

The character development

Doll has for the most part a flat character arc in all the scenes that she appears in, but that doesn't mean that she had no development at any point; first of all, there's most obviously her villain arc, caused by the death of her parents, the solver, the loneliness and lack of mentor figures and general mental illness, during the prom scene, she has reached peak villainy in the series, only saving Lizzie's life because she has mentally assessed the people to care about and the others and even when shot in the head she doubles down on her tendencies and keeps being a menace, but that's where she discovers that Uzi also has the solver and for the first time in ever she has someone who shares her pain but is on the "enemy" side. This starts a continuous chain of doubt in her mind that she overcomes only at the end of episode 6 when she completes her negative character arc by sacrificing Uzi for the cure in the raptor trap, spelling out her doom in the next episode where in her last moments she does her first and only step of a positive character arc by inciting her to fight back the solver with all her forces. Doll is given many chances to switch to the other side and stop being a villain, but she refuses every single one and her reality check only comes on her death bed when it's already too late.

The impact of her death

First of all Rebecca "died" in front of 4 other people while Doll dies only in front of Uzi, who outside of her genuine shock later swears to fake Tessa that it wasn't her doing but someone else, all while pretty terrified herself. Nori and N also come there, but they are too busy with everything else going on to notice, also, neither of them ever cared about Doll. And Cyn... come on.

What do we know about her

First of all, she is quite literally "Uzi if things got even worse" most of her traits are darker reflections of Uzi or an improved version of Uzi's skills, including her aura of mystery, there to be the cool factor that Uzi tries so hard to achieve but fails. She also has the same goal as Uzi, but without the hero complex part whose substitute by her belief of being the chosen one by the solver and fated to bring about the end of the world. She's sadistic, delusional, traumatized, stubborn, russian and a pathetic wet cat of a person whose inability to change denied her the answers that she so desperately craved.

Want more?

[scorpioriesling]

Too Hot to Handle - Episode 9

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Characters featured: Reader, Feyre, Morrigan, Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie, Amren, Cassian, Lucien, Tarquin, Rhysand, Helion, Azriel, & Tamlin

Warning(s): none (:

SR’s Note: I realize these have been more than a week apart recently but I appreciate everyone sticking it out! Only one episode left after this, and the votes were so close last time... be sure to vote at the end! Every one counts! Love you all endlessly! Tags: @velarisdusk @lilah-asteria @starlightazriel @mellowmusings @paintedbyshadows @book-obsessed124 @kitsunetori @rcarbo1

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

"We got a green light!"

The alcohol burns more coming back up than it did going down as you choke on your Moscow Mule. While you struggle to force air back into your lungs, your freckled friend claps in excitment next to you.

"Mor! That's wonderful!" Feyre beams. Water splashes onto your cheek with her applause, and you frown with discontent. Mor doesn't seem to notice, practically glowing as she wades into the pool where you and Feyre were simply chatting before. The sun is high in the sky, shining down on her with a glow that illuminates her skin with an angelic glow. Every golden curl on her head seems to rotate in a perfect 360 -- its as though everything has simply fallen into perfect place today.

Well, this entire week, for that matter.

Being the final week of the retreat, you, like many other attendees, have grown rather excited. There are various reasons for this: the prize fund being released mere days from now, the winner announced soon, the last few days in the tropical sun before everyone returns home to their mundane lives.

Then again, there is always the consideration of where everyone will go after they leave. Who they will go with -- if they go anywhere with anyone, that is.

The thought threatens to send more Mule up your throat.

"Y/N, did you even hear me? C'mon, I said I got a green light!" Mor whines, lightly splashing a wave of water toward you. "You look like I just told you we'd be dining on squid tentacles tonight," she scrunches her nose, Feyre following suit.

"Ewwww," Feyre whines, her lips finding her straw and sipping more of her mango daquiri.

You sigh, pushing those unpleasant thoughts from your mind for the moment.

"Right- that's fantastic, Mor. I'm, really happy for you guys," you offer a small smile, and she raises an eyebrow.

"Tell us how it happened!" Feyre asks excitedly as Mor brushes her curls over her shoulder with practiced grace.

"Well," she begins, glancing to you as you dare another gulp from your copper mug. "Helion and I went for a walk this morning, and... we were just talking, and, well..." she giggles, her cheeks reddening. "He was... honest! Sweet? I don't know," she waves a hand.

Feyre gasps dramatically, and you can't help but grin at your blonde friend.

"Sweet!" She squeals. "Morrigan!"

"Yeah, yeah," Mor rolls her eyes, grinning and gazing down into the pool water's reflection. "Well, we talked and just... I don't know, it felt real. Then, the bracelets just lit up." She shrugs, as if it were so simple. Feyre bounces with excitement, and you set your glass on the rim of the pool.

"My my, Mor," you tease. "Good thing you're taking a break to cool down after all of that went down-"

She barks out a laugh, her shoulders shaking with the effort. You glance behind her, catching sight of a red head of hair among the group of congregating males.

Turning your attention back to your friends, who were still oogling over the bracelet situation, you slowly make your way toward the pool stairs.

"Leaving so soon?" Mor asks, her red lips pursed as you turn to meet her eye. You open your mouth to answer, but Feyre beats you to it.

"Mor, let her go -- she's probably going to find Lucien to try and get a green light for herself," she bumps Mor's shoulder, and you send the two of them a playful wink before glancing toward the male across the pool deck again.

"Bingo."

✧･ﾟ: *

You barely register the feeling of Lucien's large hand holding yours as you make your way toward the cabana, each step deliberate and quick. His chuckle behind you is the only sound heard in minutes before you sit, pulling him to sit next to you on the couch.

He adjusts next to you, leaning back in such a relaxed way that's so... him. He crosses his large arms over his exposed chest, glancing sidelong at your stick-straight posture with a feline grin as he takes you in.

"Do you want to tell me what this is all about?" He asks, and you clear your throat before turning to him and sitting criss-crossed.

"Yes." You say. "I think we need to talk." You say with a punctual nod, and he looses a chuckle.

"Alright," he purrs, leaning forward a bit and scratching lightly at his jaw. "What would you like to talk about?" His eyes softly roam over your face, and you can't help but want to relax under his gaze.

"I... We need to talk. Or... um... open up, or something." You fumble, shaking your head with a frown. He quirks a brow, clearly not seeing what you're getting at.

"We need to do this so we can get a green light." You explain, and he breathes in deep.

"Ahhh," he says, leaning back fully and bracing his palms behind his head. "I see what this is about now." He grins, and your brows knit as you watch him.

"Lucien, I'm serious," You chastise, folding your arms over your chest. His gaze wavers, quickly flicking back up to your eyes a moment later. "It sucks that we still haven't gotten one yet -- I mean, Azriel and Gwyn got one a while ago, and now Helion and Mor got one this morning-"

"Mhm..." he humms, still finding it hard to stay focused on your face. You scoff, dropping your arms and scooting closer to him. You're sitting rib-to-rib, gazing right down onto his relaxed face while you try to maintain your stance.

"Lucien!" You groan, and his fingers move to slowly run along your thigh. "We're never gonna get a green light if you keep... I don't know, you're not focusing-"

"Sweetheart," he releases a sigh, his fingers retracting to move to your cheek instead. You gaze into his eyes, your heart rate calming a bit as well as the anxious thoughts racing through your mind. He moves to brush a fallen strand of hair behind your ear, smiling broadly up at you.

"I feel like you may be overthinking this whole thing," he says softly, and you give him a small nod. He moves to sit upright next to you, his hand cupping your cheek as his thumb brushes over your soft skin.

"I know how I feel," he says quietly, a light dusting of pink appearing on his cheeks as he leans closer to you. "And, I don't need a bracelet to tell me what I already know is real."

His warm lips press against your forehead, and you can't help but feel your own cheeks warming at his confession. He pulls back, his eyes searching yours as silence begins to stretch between you. Now is your chance to just... say it. Just be honest, say how you feel, tell him what you want to say-

"I would like all guests to please meet at the Tiki Hut for a quick chat," Lana's voice rings out over the villa's loudspeakers, and you jump at the sound. Lucien lets out a small sigh, his face falling before his eyes meet yours again.

"We can just-"

"...talk later?" You say, standing and holding out your hand.

He takes it, holding it lightly as you make your way to the beachfront.

"Yeah."

✧･ﾟ: *

The group is buzzing with excitement, males and females alike mingling with intrigue as to why Lana would call a quick meet like this mid-day. There isn't much time to wait for an answer; as the last few group members approach, Lana lights up from the Tiki Hut.

"Hello, guests."

"Hello, Lana!"

She pauses, her purple lights roving back and forth around the cone's bottom before she continues.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I've called a meeting like this at such an odd time of day," she muses. "First, I'd like to congradulate our second couple on their green lights this morning: Morrigan and Helion, as I'm sure you've all heard by now."

The group claps politely, some of the guys whooping as Helion wraps his arms around Mor. She practically radiates with golden light, smiling at everyone. A few weeks ago, Azriel and Gwyn recieved a similar response when they got their green light as well.

"But, the main premise of this quick chat was to tell you what I had planned for you all this evening," she continues, and the group calms down.

"First, I have a few activities planned for the rest of the evening for you all. For those who are coupled up, you'll be going on couple's dates -- those in single pairs will do these fun activites in groups of four." Excited mumblings among the pairs thread through the crowd.

"But; I'm not finished." She continues. "To round out the week, you'll have a group workshop scheduled tomorrow, Friday will be final dates for the couples and a free day for our single guests, and Saturday we will announce this year's winner and this retreat will come to a conclusion!" Lana exclaims, earning cheers of excitement from the group. Lucien shouts beside you, clapping loudly as your friends jump up and down in joy before you.

Conclusion. You couldn't believe it. You were almost done, almost... out of here, about to leave and go back to New York.

You look to your left, watching as the sunlight reflected off the water and highlighted every hue in Lucien's auburn hair. He was so beautiful, he was practically made for a place like this.

Your heart clenched. City girl. He wasn't a city male by any means-

"You're doing it again," the low timbre of his voice rattled your unsavory spiral of thoughts, and you peered up into those beautiful mismatched eyes once more.

"W-what?" You stammer, and he leans close, his hands sliding around your waist as he presses a small kiss just below your ear.

"Overthinking," he rasps, just loud enough for you to hear over the excitement of the crowd around you. You shake your head, your hands lazily resting upon his tanned forearms.

"I'm not-"

"You are," he says, drawing back to peer at you again. "I can practically see the gears turning in that pretty little head," he grins cheekily, and you roll your eyes.

"You're such a flirt, Lucien Vanserra."

He laughs quietly, his hold on you tightening. "You love it."

✧･ﾟ: *

You were lucky enough to be paired with Feyre and Rhysand for the couple's activity for the evening -- which actually turned out to be really fun. You found yourselves out on the chrystalline blue water, rowing away in two small boats and trying to stay afloat against the ebb and flow of the tide.

Key word... trying.

"Rhys..." Feyre pants, trying to catch her breath as she flails her arms in the water. You are doubled over, much drier than your female counterpart as you continue to find humor in their situation.

"I swear... to the CAULDRON-"

"Darling, I didn't... try... to flip it..." Rhys pants, finally succeeding after many failed attempts to flip the canoe back over, only to come face-to-face with a very frustrated Feyre.

"Rhysand." She says, flustered but furious. "I would say that doing a backflip off the side of a canoe is a good way to flip a rowboat." She turns, her glare palpable from your canoe a few feet away. Your laughter doesn't subside as you take in her expression.

"And DARING him to do it isn't helpful either, Lucien!" She shouts, only causing him to grin like a devilish cat. "Thanks a lot!" She hauls herself back into the soaking wet canoe, Rhys shooting Lucien a humorous look from the water.

"No... more... flips!" She says between breaths, Rhysand rolling back into the boat behind her with ease. He grabs the oars, already beginning to fasten them into their secure holds once more.

"Hey, uh," Lucien calls, looking toward the shore. "Looks like the sun will set soon, maybe we head back in a bit?" Rhys nods, and begins wading toward the shore. His direction is a bit off, but you don't pay much mind; Lucien idles for a bit before paddling along himself.

You turn to him, seeing as this may be the perfect opportunity to try and talk to him again. Your fingers fiddle with the metal on your wrist; that damned bracelet -- and Lucien notices.

"So," he prods, securing the oars to the canoe's holds before inching closer to you. Your eyes flick to his, seeing that he is already studying you.

"So," you echo, and he chuckles breathily through his nose, propping his chin up on his hand.

"Earlier..." he begins, and you tense. He pauses, sighing before taking both of your hands in his. Your fingers fall from fidgeting with the silly armband, and you find yourself forced to meet his eye.

"Yes?" You whisper.

"I..." He bites his lower lip, suddenly looking nervous. "There's so much I want to say to you, Y/N. So many things I wish I could, say. Explain. I just... I don't know how to." His brow furrows, and you rub small circles on the back of his palm with your thumb.

"Me too," you admit shyly, and he looks up at you.

"Really?" He asks, his gaze hopeful. You nod silently, and he offers a small smile in response.

"I just... I don't think I've ever met another girl like you, Y/N. Really, I don't. And... and... I know we're leaving this place soon... and..." he trails off. You feel your hands going clammy as the nerves creep in.

"And?" You pry, your spine tingling with nerves about what he has to say.

"Well I... uh," he chuckles nervously, wiping his palms on his swimtrunks. "I know, I'm not, like... some, big-shot, from New York, like you're probably used to being with," he admits, glancing down for only a second before gazing warmly at you again. "But, if I could, I-"

"Oh my Gods!"

The sheer squeal of unfiltered joy a few hundred yards away has both of your heads whipping to the right, squinting into the blinding light of the setting sun as you try to make out what is going on. You raise a hand to block out the golden rays, and when your eyes focus, your eyes widen as you take in the scene before you.

"I think they got their light."

You look to Lucien as his defeated tone brings you out of your trance, but he is still gazing out at the water. When you look back, lo and behold; Feyre and Rhys, sure enough. Bracelets aglow as she excitedly jumps from one end of the small boat to the other, bracing atop him before leaning in.

It's only a matter of seconds that the water around their craft goes from rippling to splashing, the uneven weight on the canoe causing the raft to throw the two right back into the water once more. They emerge moments later, laughing as Rhys pulls her close, unabashedly kissing her right on the lips.

You only sit in silence as Lucien unfastens the oars, working to row the two of you back to shore.

✧･ﾟ: *

Sleep did not come fruitfully to you last night. You'd tossed and turned, kicked the covers off and then pulled them over your head just the same -- but no attempt was successful in providing you an escape into slumber.

"Was that you kicking around last night?" Mor tuts, passing behind you as she makes way for the vanity next to yours. You were still rubbing the sleep from your eyes, having slept in late this morning in an attempt to make up for what you'd missed out on the night prior.

"Unfortunately," you grumble. Nesta peers around the mirror's edge, seated on the other side of it and using the table across from you.

"Jeez... I don't mean to sound harsh, girl, but... you look like Hell." She clicks her tongue against her teeth. You sigh, flicking on the switch and grimace as the bulbs adorning the mirrors rim flicker brightly.

She holds the same confident look, but her voice softens. "You know, we leave in maybe an hour for the workshop... do you want help getting ready?" You release a sigh, your head dropping into your hands as you cover your face with your fingers. The knot forming in the pit of your stomach only clenches tighter as you continue to think about today, tomorrow, the final day here...

You feel a small rustling of the vanity, and in minutes there is a cool but light hand placed on your shoulder. A few more movements and rustling, and a clunk beside you before a quiet voice speaks next to your ear.

"Don't lay your arms on the table -- the curling iron will be hot."

Nesta begins lightly running her fingers through your hair, detangling the larger pieces before gently running a brush over the strands until they are absolutely smooth. Your hands slowly recede from your face, but you don't think you can handle meeting her stare yet; you think if you do, you might start crying like a pathetic child.

She picks the curling iron up, opening the barrel and sliding a strand of your hair through it.

"Try not to wiggle around, and I'll try not to burn you."

You glance up just for a moment and meet her steel gray eyes in the mirror, a small chuckle breaking free. She only smiles, releasing the tendril she'd would around the warm barrel and drapes it over your shoulder. Her fingers reach for the next piece.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks calmly.

You chew the inside of your lip, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt in your lap. Its quiet for a few moments more as she continues to curl your hair, not pushing you to talk about something you aren't willing to; but after a few minutes, you decide to try being more open with her.

"I feel like," you begin, the knot in your stomach jumping to your throat and working its way up. "I feel like, I... I don't know, how to say. What I need to," you try again. She nods, her gaze fixed on the back of your head as she drops another perfectly coiled strand of hair.

"To Lucien?" She asks gently. You take a deep breath, trying to find the right words and put them in order in your head the way you want them to sound.

"I- yes," you choke out. "We talk like, normal," you explain, and she continues nodding along. "Obviously, I mean. We talked so much to start, that's kind of why I liked him so much." Your lips twist to the side, and she picks at another section of hair.

"But?"

"But," you continue. "With hard stuff like," you huff. "Like, leaving here. Like, real-world stuff. Like, New York and, and, me and him after this retreat, I just..." you feel pins pricking the backs of your eyes and look down at your lap, the tears welling and threatening to spill over.

The clank of the iron being rested on the vanity brings your gaze to the mirror, where Nesta meets it with her hands on her hips.

"Y/N, what do you want after this retreat, hm?" She asks, her expression level. Your lips part, your eyes vacant for a moment while you consider her question.

"Because it seems to me, even in the short time that I've become your friend, that you and Lucien get along pretty well together. Sometimes, a little too well." She smirks, and you loose a breath at her moment of comedic relief.

"I just think that before you can go telling that male how you really feel, you need to tell yourself." She shrugs, reaching for the iron again. You purse your lips, nodding at her words.

"I think he knows I like him, I mean-"

"Mmm mmm. No. I mean really." She twists the iron closer to your face, only a small portion of hair left to be curled at this point. "He knows that part." She huffs, releasing the strand and thinking for a moment. "Have you ever cliff jumped before?" She asks. You quirk a brow at her sudden subject change.

"Uhh... no?"

She scoffs, shaking her head. "I didn't think so." She fingers another strand. "Imagine doing that," she continues. You chuckle, playfully rolling your eyes.

"Nesta, I would never actually do that. That's... way out of my comfort zone."

She drops the strand, grabbing the last piece near your cheek and twisting it around the iron.

"Exactly." She grins at you through the mirror's reflection. "It's kind of how you're reacting in this situation with Lucien. You've got so much goin' on up here," she motions to your head with the tip of the iron. "But you just need to jump off the cliff, get out of your head and do the thing you're so scared of for once," she says, untwisting the final curl from the iron. She steps behind you once more, setting down the iron and turning it off. She runs her fingers through your hair, separating the curls beautifully before looking at you again through the mirrored glass.

"When you do, you might see that Lucien has just been waiting for you at the bottom."

✧･ﾟ: *

"...Are we at a fucking wedding?"

To be fair, everyone seems rather confused as the group approaches the beachfront -- Mor is just the first one to vocalize it. Everyone squeezes through a floral, white arbor and wades through the sand, sharing confused glances and wonderous looks at the white streamers and rose petals strewn among the small chairs embedded in the sand.

"Hello, guests!" The joyous man greets from down the beach, his arms wide and welcoming. Even he is wearing white; another detail Lana mentioned earlier in the day as a requirement for the retreat's final workshop.

"Please -- everyone, gather, let's chat and then we'll get started." He beams, his gleaming white teeth a stark contrast to the richness of his chocolately brown skin. The group does as much, forming a semi-circle near the host as he stalks forward.

"Alrighty," he drawls, his thick island accent intriguing as he looks aorund the group. "A promising looking group we have today!" He chuckles, and many group members mimick his humor. He looks around, seeming to make a point to meet everyone's eyes at least once.

"Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Akiel, and," he glances to Morrigan, a smile creeping onto his face once more. "...Yes, we are at a fuckin' wedding -- get excited!" He throws his hands up, and the group erupts into laughter and cheers. You can't help but indulge in the moment, watching the people you'd gotten to know so closely over the past few months in their pure joy.

"Alright, alright, so let me explain it," he says, calming the group down. "Basically, this workshop is almost like a full circle moment for everyone; you're all gonna get a word, each word is a theme from the retreat, and you're gonna go in front of your friends here," he motions to the chairs lined up in the sand. "Then, you're gonna read you're vows to yourself that you have as you're leavin' the retreat; this is showin' your confidence, your trust in your friends, and showing the growth within yourself while you've been here." He nods, and the group goes utterly silent. You glance to your side, wishing for Lucien's hand in yours to calm your impending nerves -- he was on the other side of the crowd.

"Alright!" Akiel claps once and you flinch. "Let's get started then -- everybody, find a seat!"

✧･ﾟ: *

Honestly... the workshop was going quite well so far.

With each person being called from their seat, Akiel would give them a new theme and they would have to speak their vow with it. Instead of tuning them out like you'd thought you would, hyperfixating on all of the nerves you were feeling -- you only felt better seeing how the people you could now call friends handled the workshop with such integrity.

Some people, like Cassian and Mor, made you laugh with their testimonies. Tamlin surprised you with how open he could be about the things he overcame here, and Gwyn was so imspirational in how she talked about how she's learned and adapted to facing any problems head on, instead of backing down.

Though the hope was to go last as you'd done before, that was not the case this time. Surely, you'd prayed Lucien would go before you; but, as the Mother would deem, that wasn't in the cards of fate either.

"Y/N?" Akiel calls, and you nervously tuck your hair behind your ears. Nesta places a hand on your knee, offerring a reassuring squeeze before you stand, your hands clinging to your sides as you make your way to the front of the chairs and stand before the group. You catch Akiel's genuine smile as you turn, his finger trailing down the list of words he'd already given before settling on yours.

You racked your brain, thinking of the themes you'd heard already. Steadfast, Secure... Accountable, maybe?

As your eyes waver, you find exactly what you'd been looking for. Your gaze locks on the pair of heterochromia eyes you'd grown to love, those eyes you searched for in the crowd, the ones you'd gotten used to waking up next to and peering at every morning.

His simple smile sent what felt like a tidal wave through you, and your stomach felt like it would fall out of your ass at any moment. You knew it. You'd known for a while, and been too afraid of admitting it. To think of leaving this retreat without the person... the man you'd truly, truly felt you'd fallen in love with...

You swallowed hard. A quick glance behind Lucien's shoulder would reveal Nesta, watching with a growing smirk as she calculated every thought and realization that her friend was finally coming to terms with.

"Your vows to yourself," Akiel speaks again, and your head turns to face him once more. He chuckles, his eyes flicking to you before crossing an ankle over his knee. "Y/N, your vows to yourself will be centered around the theme "vulnerability"."

Turning to the rows of awaiting eyes before you again, you take a deep breath. In another world, you'd refuse to participate in something like this, being so... open, so vulnerable. It was uncomfortable.

Lucien met your eye, giving you a reassuring grin. Gosh, he looked so handsome in white, his red hair swaying with the breeze. He was so tan from the sun kissing his skin these past few months, you could only imagine...

You took a deep breath, and grinned back; parting your lips, you allowed the words to flow as they pleased.

"I think this word is a good choice for me; it's a challenge, being vulnerable." You begin, breathing in and out through your nose. Akiel nods in encouragement.

"When I first got here... well, none of us thought we would end up here." A few chuckles rumbled through the group, and you smiled softly, reflecting back to the first day you stepped onto that yacht.

"I came here, thinking this would be fun. Another fling, just like I'd always gotten myself into." You swallowed, the growing lump forming in your throat again. You knew where you wanted to go with this; now you just had to say it.

"I... I didn't expect to meet anyone I would genuinely care for so much. Uhm," You sigh, your hands beginning to shake. Feyre looks to you, hope filling her eyes as silver lines yours.

"I, I also, was lucky enough to have gotten to know some of the best women I've ever met while I've been here. At this retreat." The lump in your throat grows as Mor covers her hand with her heart. A tear slips from Feyre's eye behind her, and you fight as hard as you can not to cry.

"I think... I think I was able to make real friends here. Because I was able to be real with them. I was. Honest, and. I didn't feel like I needed to be anyone other than me." Your gaze finds Nesta's, who is looking to you in appreciation. "They let me do just that. Just, be me."

You chuckle, wringing out your hands as you feel your vow reaching it's peak. Your eyes are glued to the sand at your feet; watching as the grains dance in the wind.

"Most importantly, I've overcome vulnerability in myself," you say, glad you sound more confident than you feel. You know you should look at Lucien, but the minute you do, the waterworks are sure to fall.

"I know that, with every relationship I come to, whether it be a friend, family, the one I have with myself, or..." you glance up, Lucien watching you with wide eyes.

"Or one with someone I love," you say, your cheeks reddening. "I know that, if I can show my feelings and allow my vulnerability out," you glance to Nesta one more time, her eyes wet.

"I know that, maybe if I step toward the ledge and take a leap of faith, there is always someone waiting for me at the bottom."

✧･ﾟ: *

"Well, I'm surely no comedian like Cassian," Lucien begins, earning a few chuckles from the crowd. His eyes slide to yours, full of adoration as he takes you in. "And I won't make anyone weep as my lovely lady has done with her kind words," he says softly, and your heart strains. He smiles at the ground, digging his bare foot in the sand.

"However, I'll be honest with my vow and do my best." He shrugs, looking at the group again.

"Bravery." He clicks his tongue, pursing his lips in thought. He glances at Akiel, smirking before he says, "I'm not sure why you've given this one to me, but I'm cool; I'll roll with it." Akiel laughs, and Lucien's eyes snag on you once more as he turns his attention back to the congregation.

"Personally, I don't think I've had to be very brave." He shrugs, beginning to pace back and forth. "But, I have seen a lot of it with the friends I've made while I've been here."

He stops in front of Cassian, and the seated male runs a hand over his face.

"You, my friend," Lucien claps him on the shoulder. "You were brave. You were actually, resilient. Relentless. Resolute," Lucien continues, causing Cassian's laughter at his thatrics. Lucien glances at Nesta.

"You wanted something, that connection you knew could come -- so you kept up. Actually, you were kinda annoying... Nesta, are you alright?" Lucien asks teasingly, and she waves him off with a roll of his eyes. The group laughs at his jokes -- ever the charmer.

He continues his pacing, going on and on about his emotional growth while he's been here. Your heart rate quickens as he stalks toward you, continuing on his path until he's right in front of you.

"I think what inspires me most," he says, his gaze dropping to look you straight in the eyes.

"Is someone I never quite saw coming." He smiles softly, and you blush as the crowd awws over his words. "I don't think I've ever met a woman capable of more than this one sitting right here," his voice falters, and your eyes begin to water. You reach out, his fingers lacing through yours.

"For someone who said they wouldn't make us laugh or cry -- you've done both," you say, chuckling as you wipe the corners of your eyes. A few others giggle around you, and he presses a quick kiss to the top of your head.

"My apologies," he says, retreating to the front of the group with a grin.

"So -- yeah. That's my take on bravery." The group claps, and he comes to sit next to you this time, his arm pulling you close for a warm side embrace. You lean your head against his shoulder, inhaling the familiar warm scent of him as his fingers thread through your curls. Everything feels so right, so on track; minus the three words that keep replaying through your mind like a mantra, as clear as day. Practically begging to be spoken aloud.

✧･ﾟ: *

[violettathepiratequeen]

Okay so I don't make a lot of ranty posts, haha, I think it's exhausting to scream about something, so this is me getting on my soapbox to just say a word in defense of Xander, and if you're gonna be bothered by that, you don't have to read this.

But I just kind of don't understand all the hate surrounding him. Hating the Scoobies as a group I get, kinda, even though that must make rewatches of the show very unpleasant for those who do. But Xander specifically did nothing more egregious or irritating than any other Scooby member (DIFFERENT things, certainly, but they all had their faults) and he gets shit for being the worst just because he's the only male who sticks around long enough to rack up that kind of hate. I think in Spuffy circles it may be just because he hates Spike so much, and a. that is an overprotection of Spike's character that not even I can get behind, and b. I think you're misreading the show if you think Xander hated Spike without reason throughout.

Because he didn't hate Spike throughout. He (begrudgingly) allowed Spike to bunk with him twice, and gave him less than ideal conditions but DID pay for his blood, both times. He was the only one who didn't jump on board the "let's kill Spike" train in S7 and even suggested that Spike might have a trigger forcing him to kill people (he also correctly identified the tracer the Initiative shot him with in S4, stating that they didn't have much time before Riley and his gang found them). The only time he actively tried to kill Spike was when he saw him screwing his ex, and Buffy also was deeply wounded and offended by the Anya/Spike fling, and just reacted differently than Xander. Buffy also allowed Xander's hatred for Spike to go on, never correcting him or telling him that actually yes we ARE sleeping together so could you maybe not insult him so much, and I think he would have backed off, just like he eventually did with both Angel and Riley, if Buffy had been firm about her relationship with him.

And beyond the Spike thing, Xander followed Buffy into every single battle despite having no superpowers, and never once had an episode where he tried to make himself more special.

He went along with Anya's unconventional way of getting them to date, and fell in love with her despite all the forceful and less-than-ideal things about her. (You know what they tell you in those harrassment and safe environment work videos? That explicitly talking about your sexual life in public is a form of sexual abuse, and Xander is clearly uncomfortable every time Anya does, so what is he supposed to do? NOT correct her? He's seriously a saint for letting her say as much stuff as she does.)

He accepted Tara no problem, and Tara described him as a sweetie to Willow at the top of S5. He asked Buffy exactly once to go out with him, and when she said no he was hurt, and his feelings didn't disappear right away (nor should they have! Feelings don't quit just because it's never gonna happen!) but he never pursued her again, even when a love spell enticed her to come on to him.

He loved and cared for Dawn like a sister, he stayed loyal to Willow after her trying to end the world, he was the only Scooby that wasn't scattered to the winds at the start of S7, he rebuilt the Summers house again and again, he put in so much time in high school and after helping with research even though books and studying were like his least favorite hobbies, and he always, ALWAYS worked with whomever he needed to to accomplish the greater good, no matter who it was or why he was asked to do so.

Spike's "You're the one, Buffy" speech is my favorite moment in the whole show but I think it overshadows the fact that Xander had his own "here's why Buffy's amazing" speech to all the doubting Potentials just two episodes prior. His arcs were subtle and not as extreme as some of the others', but they were there all the same, and he started and ended a good person with a good heart and a fierce sense of love and loyalty.

I remember watching "Welcome to the Hellmouth" for the first time, and Jesse was actually more triggering to me than anything. He mocked his friends and got in Cordelia's face and was the kind of boy I'm used to seeing in these kinds of shows. Insensitive and rude and emotionless. And Xander, by comparison, was sweet to the new girl he had a crush on, was defensive of Willow, and jumped on board the supernatural train with very little freakout. He showed his love and bravery and sensitivity straight away, and of course as a sixteen year old boy he couldn't be a model child ALL the time, but I remember being blown away in those first few episodes by how Xander was not the typical self-involved one-track-mind teen that was so often portrayed in media. And Jesse was.

I get that some characters just get on your nerves for no reason, and I have plenty of hate characters of my own, as do we all! And as I said before I know Xander's got plenty of faults, plenty of annoying qualities and plenty of dumb lines, and I remember my first run of S6, he and I did not get along at ALL (but I was also on the outs with everyone who brought Buffy back and then expected her to be normal, so it wasn't just him).

But I think he gets so much universal, unjustified hate throughout all the seasons, and that's not a fair interpretation of his character. It hurts me every time I see it, so I just wanted to add a counterpoint to the opinions out there.

[marievishnevskyyyy]

He's not clown: the theory that Viscount Druitt is a character who isn't as simple as he appears to be

...and his possible connection with Vincent Phantomhive.

In the photo with the prefects, next to Vincent and Diedrich, there are two interesting young men. One appears to us as a mysterious figure, while the other's face is perfectly visible.

What if I told you that this young man who smiles graciously and looks into the lens could be Aleister Chamber, better known to us as Viscount Druitt. For what reason?

I will now try to explain.

1) Flashbacks: Do you remember the scene of Ciel changing into a dress or the scene where a beautiful lady in blue robes appears before Druitt in the Curry episode?

A parallel is drawn here between the image of father and son. Why? It's simple, Viscount noticed the similarities. Ciel looks like Vincent. It's a detail that many people miss. On the Campania, when Aleister sees the younger Phantomhive, he asks him a counter-question: “Have we met somewhere before?”

A lot of people thought of the dress scene, right?

But then there's the Book of the Atlantic.

But really, Chamber recognized Ciel as Vincent (at least in his facial features and eyes). Not the girl in the dress from the “Jack the Ripper” arc.

It's entirely possible that Aleister is not familiar with Vincent's son, even though his features seem familiar to Chamber (Lucky if this topic is ever broached at all).

2) Age: Aleister and Vincent are about the same age. Phantomhive died at the age of 34 on December 14, 1885. Both about the same age, attended Weston College (most likely at the same time). If you think logically, at the time of the Jack the Ripper arc, which takes place in 1888, he is 36 years old (the same age Vincent would have been if he hadn't died in 1885).

3) Appearance: Both young men have blond hair, eyes and eyebrows.

In the Devil's Four chapter, the image of little Chamber pops up, albeit in his representation (a la, more perfect), but same curls, similar school uniform.

4) Meet with Undertaker: Did you find it odd that the Undertaker defended Druitt on the Campania?

He had reason to do so, of course, because Aleister is really stupid, ridiculous, arrogant, but very rich. The man is quite easy to manipulate, especially if he is so passionate about the idea of bringing the dead back to life. Chamber had every reason to sponsor such a project.

The undertaker is not willing to save ALL people - this is perfectly evident in The Book of the Atlantic and all the other arcs. The only exceptions are Phantomhive and, as it turns out, Viscount Druitt.

It's kind of weird.

Why would a former reaper save a questionable, unpleasant man like Aleister Chamber?

For money? For a laugh?

Aren't these all too trivial answers to questions that are essentially unsupported by anything?

All right. Money is important, the undertaker and Ryan Stocker understood that perfectly well, after all, you need large sums of money for the project, but why Druitt?

Why couldn't they just find another aristocrat who would be willing to sponsor the project, because as practice has shown: quite a few people are interested in the possibility of raising the dead.

Laughter? Why not find another person so funny? What is the peculiarity of Aleister that he is “rich and stupid?”? But there are plenty of such people in England.

That's not the point.

“…Losing such a funny little man is like losing the whole world to me…. Don't you agree… Reaper?”

Losing the whole world. You have to admit, the whole world is a very suggestive word.

The reason the Reaper had saved Viscount Druitt was probably because they had been close to Vincent at Weston College and maybe even friends. Aleister had not forgotten Vincent and it was likely that the former reaper was well aware of the fact that they had been close during their time at the College.

[itsbenedict]

Games I Played In 2024 And Whether Or Not I Thought They Were Good (Part 1/4)

1 - [2] - [3] - [4]

It's that time of year again! I wasted far too much time playing videogames, but at least I can tell you which of those videogames were worth playing and which ones weren't. Again!

(2020, 2021, 2022, 2023)

The Roottrees are Dead

It's... the comparisons that leapt to mind immediately were "like Her Story, but also like Return of the Obra Dinn", which it turns out were the two direct inspirations so that makes total sense. Your job is to piece together a huge, sprawling family tree, identifying the names, faces, relationships, and occupations of everyone therein. How? You've got a search engine you can enter search terms into, and bring up various webpages and documents detailing the lives of the Roottrees. As you fill in the blanks and make guesses, the game will confirm them in batches, Obra Dinn-style.

This core gameplay is already really engrossing, but along the way you'll pick up hints of a mystery underlying the Roottree family history, and figure out a bonus objective on top of just filling out the whole tree. It's extremely cool and unique, and The Fluteknees are Bread.

Bounty of One

This one was recommended to me by my kid brother. It's... fairly brainless? It's a roguelike where you're in an infinite empty desert, enemies come in from the sides of the screen to try and kill you, and if you shoot them you get powerups and money for upgrades. The character auto-aims at the nearest enemy while not moving, so all you have to worry about is dodging and selecting upgrades.

It's pretty fun! Lots of different toys with synergies that let you snowball in a few different directions. I find it great for like, putting on to give my hands something to do while I'm watching a show or listening to a podcast or something. Not too much else to say about it.

Misericorde

There's been a murder in a convent in 1400s England. The abbey's anchoress, the only person with an alibi (due to having been locked in a room her entire life), is tasked with covertly investigating by the Mother Superior, who believes the rest of the nuns are keeping secrets from her and covering things up.

She doesn't know the half of it.

Misericorde, currently unfinished, is chapter 1 of an episodic mystery VN, which is the only reason it's not my game of the year. It's got several strengths:

A great sense of atmosphere, with an extensive D&B-infused soundtrack that really gets across the protagonist's unease without being unpleasant to listen to.

Exceptional character designs, which manage to be distinctive and full of personality despite being in black and white and having every character be a nun wearing the exact same outfit the exact same way.

A dedication to historical accuracy, not flinching away from the realities and attitudes that would be present in a medieval English convent. Hedwig, our protagonist, is the stuffiest and most pedantic theology nerd of them all, and is constantly astonished by the irreverent-to-downright-debauched behavior of her "peers", largely forced into this life by circumstance. A really unique, harrowing, and sometimes hilarious perspective.

Despite this, impressively gay.

Good writing. Like good writing good writing. Not just structurally but on the prose level. Very important for a game that's 90% reading.

I'm not entirely sure how well the mystery aspect of it will shake out, since it's still in the setup phase and the whole thing isn't out yet, but all that aside, it's a joy to read anyway. Also Darcy is in it.

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet DLC

Yeah, I know. I shouldn't be rewarding Game Freak for their shitty business model and half-baked games. And you know what? You shouldn't either. These were bad.

Gameplay-wise... total nothingburgers. You know how Paldea was this ugly empty wasteland of airbrushed textures with no rewards for exploration, sprinkled with random pokémon spawns and trainer battles? They did another one of those. Two of those, kinda. The second one's Blueberry Academy map had a little more visual variety but ultimately was exactly as empty and unrewarding to explore as before. Zero-effort design as always.

The base game of SV had, I think, the best story a mainline pokémon game has ever had. They broke out the "dramatic legendary stuff", "fight an evil Team", and "do a Pokémon League journey" components into their own parallel things, and managed to make all of them more compelling than they've ever been.

The DLC... uh, doesn't, really. There's a couple fun new characters- Carmine and Kieran are entertainingly fucked-up- but Carmine gets sidelined almost immediately, and Kieran is the only thing the game has going for it storywise through the whole DLC. His story's kind of effective, but it can't carry the whole thing, and all the stuff about Ogerpon and Terapagos is underbaked and disjointed and anticlimactic. You're not really missing anything if you skip it. So skip it.

Cluefinders series

Did anyone else play these edutainment point-and-click adventure games as a kid? Sort of... Indiana Jones by way of Scooby-Doo? These were my jam back in the day, and I went back to them to see how they held up. And the answer is... uh, there's a surprising range of quality!

I ended up having way more to say about these than I thought I would, so here's a separate post about them. Overall, I don't know that I'd recommend any of them, unless you're an actual elementary schooler who needs to learn math and stuff.

And if you are- hey! You should not be reading my blog! This is not a website for children! I say swear words on here! Kind of a lot of them, actually! Your mom's gonna be mad at me, and neither of us want that!

Project Killdance

This was a... kind of cool tactics/action game? It's kind of Superhot but a deckbuilder, and that's... not really to its benefit. Copy-pasting my review from itch.io:

This is really polished and has some super cool moments, but I'm kind of hung up on... the core mechanic of it being at odds with the rest of the design. The tense action where you have to decide moment-by-moment how to not die that turn is great, and the action economy is a good abstraction for it... but ultimately, success or failure hinges almost entirely on Did You Have Enough Basic Moves In Hand. The overriding concern is always "is a bullet about to hit me?", and the answer is almost always "yes", and the solution is always "play a move"- which means, if you don't have one, all the rest of your planning doesn't matter, and you're dead.  Other deckbuilders have this core problem, of course, but they usually smooth over it with a health system that gives you a certain tolerance for failure. When it's an iterative system, building your deck properly you can lower the chance of being forced to take hits on your turn, and the outer game loop is about managing that risk. But... in a game like this, where a single failure means death, any significant random failure rate is a feel-bad. And the failure rate varies with the level design: the less cover, the more movement you need to be doing, but the incremental deckbuilder thing locks you into a certain proportion of offense to defense, forcing you to mulligan over and over to find viable hands. I do like the action economy aspect- keeping an eye on your AP and moves-in-hand to ensure you don't get stuck taking a breath at the wrong time is a good tactical challenge. The question is how to preserve that core challenge- making the most of limited and unpredictable options- without creating as many situations where all roads lead to dead. Maybe... separate decks for moves and attacks? Or the ability to slash enemy projectiles out of the air? More cover options in the level design? I'm not sure exactly what the right solution is, but I think you want something to cut down on "a big guy with a machine gun is immediately firing at you turn one and your opening hand doesn't let you move, RIP" moments. (Also- is there any significance to those Corrupted cards that sometimes show up in longer levels? I thought maybe relying on them gave you a bad ending, but I played through twice without using Corrupted cards the second time, and got the same outcome. Just a catchup mechanic for if you find yourself in a stalemate, or is there something else going on there?)

It's very short and manageable (and free), though- I think this is like, a prototype of something larger they're working on? Its length mean its flaws don't really get too annoying, and it's very stylish and fun when it works.

Pokémon Infinite Fusion

This was fantastic. This is the best Pokémon game, I think. The concept: You can take any two pokémon, and fuse them. Into one of two new fused pokémon, depending on which is the base and which is the head. It gets extremely wild extremely fast.

But more importantly, the game is very good. It's got so many QoL features! They've got HMs, but every HM in the game has a sidequest associated with it that earns you an item that substitutes for the HM- so you get the sort of teambuilding and moveset tradeoffs, but they're temporary, encouraging you to try out new stuff instead of locking you into the stuff that runs the HMs you need. And there's a proper speedup function, and there's these sidequests with really nice rewards in every town...

It's also hard to overstate how many custom fusion sprites there are. There's a huge community filling out a dex of the things, and more often than not there'll be a custom graphic for whichever unholy combo you come up with. The odds have presumably only risen over time, as the game's been continually updating since I played it. The stuff you can make is crazy cool.

My favorite is Honchvire. He is going to kill you to death.

Spiritfall

It's sort of... Hades meets Super Smash Bros. It's hard to come up with anything more to say than that, mechanically- that's exactly what it is. The combat system is a Smash-style platform fighter, but it's a roguelike where you acquire synergistic boons from different gods over the course of the run, and unlock different weapons with different movesets (and slight upgrades to said weapons) through the metaprogression.

And it works! If that concept sounds fun to you, then hey: it is! It's gorgeously animated, well-balanced, and has lots of optional challenges. It didn't really need to innovate- it smashed two known formulas for success together, executed with care and polish, and bam, the result is successful. Fun Video Game.

(Story's kinda nothing- a few months later, I literally can't remember if it had one. Some vague thing about souls and a sealed blight and you have to save the world or something? Didn't seem to be trying too hard, and didn't really need to.)

-

I got, um... 23 more games on this list, so I'll talk about the rest later.

1 - [2] - [3] - [4]

[asktheritochampion]

iirc you mentioned that you still get nightmares of your "death", does saki know?

'Nightmares' would suggest I were scared by my death, which is not the case.

No, it's more like...reliving unpleasent - rather visceral memories. I do not care to see my insides on the outside again. Anyone would wake with a start after such distasteful gore.

Admittedly it has been causing me not to attain sufficient sleep ever since my return. I've heard similar tellings from the other Champions and suspect it is merely a symptom of being revived.

The first night I stayed in the village I had a brief moment of...distress. And a few more following. I'd rather not discus it and only mention it to you now to halt any assumptions made based on any blathering Saki might have done. Regardless, it was something I was unable to hide from Teba or Saki at the time simply due to the suddeness of the episode. Saki, as the Village's current medic, has been giving me medicine to try to fix whatever is ailing me, and thus far it has been somewhat helping.

Every so often I wake and cannot return to sleep, but with the poor lighting of night it is inefficient for me to waste time attempting to train. Thus I tend to opt to make tea and read a book, or do household errands until my mind has calmed.

Saki often wakes through the night for her own reasons, so occationally she joins me in the twilight hours and we discus our thoughts.