#and ever since i started listening to fiction podcasts i realized

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[vulpecular-draconic]

i’ve been thinking about non-otherkin/non-therian alterhuman identities recently and i realized i haven’t really explored that yet in myself. i have a fairly good grasp on my kintypes (for now at least), but i’ve been ignoring or even in denial about some of my other alterhuman identities.

it started yesterday evening (march 26), when i began to officially question whether maned wolves are a kithtype or kintype of mine. i still don’t know, but today, as i was researching about what hearttypes feel like vs what kintypes feel like, i realized that i’ve felt non-kin alterhuman things before now.

first my mind went to cecil palmer from welcome to night vale. i hyperfixated hard on that podcast when i first listened to it last year. i still get unreasonably excited about it, especially about cecil.

i once briefly considered being fictionkin to cecil, but brushed it off immediately — one, because i don’t feel like i am him (which is a pretty tell-tale sign i’m not), and two, because our personalities aren’t similar except for a few surface-level things. i dismissed it as extreme gender envy and tried to ignore it.

but i still felt (and continue to feel) an intense connection to him.

i’ve related very strongly to characters before, and to characters much more similar to me than cecil is. yet even the character i’ve had an intense spinterest on for several years can’t compete with this flavor of feeling. it goes deeper than gender envy (although it does include that). i want to be him. i’m not distressed that i’m not, but i do thoroughly want to, if just for a few hours. that’s not the full feeling, but it’s the facet i can articulate best.

i denied the possibility of being alterhuman in any way about cecil for so long because i was worried that if i decided to call myself fictionkin, i might lose myself in trying to adopt the personality of someone so different from me. (for a long time i didn’t know how widely acknowledged it is that fictionkin don’t have to match the personalities of the canon version of the character.) i didn’t want to consider fictionhearted either, as i was worried taking that first step would be crossing some line.

i think — well, i know, i just like to allow room for uncertainties — that cecil is a hearttype. (kithtype? fictionkith??)

there’s nothing else he could be to me, honestly. hearttype is the closest i can succinctly come to describing this feeling, and by “closest” i mean pretty darn precise.

and now my other revelation: hearthomes.

although i’ve got cecil as a hearttype, i don’t think i’d describe night vale as my hearthome. i’m fond of it, yes, but my chest doesn’t ache with the longing to live there. no, that honor goes to the world of tangled.

i don’t want to get too detailed, as this post is long enough already, so i’ll keep it short:

i’ve wanted to live in the world of tangled/tangled the series since i first watched the show. i don’t have any hearttypes or kintypes from there, not even an oc-kin. but it feels like home.

i’ve been asked what fictional world i’d live in if i had to choose one. i always immediately answer the tangled universe. for all the plot holes and underdeveloped lore, i absolutely love it, and if a portal opened up in my room right now to take me there i’d hardly hesitate. my favorite spot in disney world is that small tangled-themed section, even if it is just relegated to the bathroom area. it’s the closest i’ll ever get to actually being there. it felt bittersweet when i visited. my heart swelled looking at it all, and i think i’ve cried about it, but i don’t have any concrete memories of the latter.

sooo… yeah. i’m ‘hearted to cecil palmer and the tangledverse is my hearthome.

i’ll add these to my intro post soon. i don’t feel like i need a questioning period for these like i do for the maned wolf. they’ve been boiling in the back of my mind for so long that i already just… kinda know.

[wgc-productions]

The Magnus Archives Liveblog- MAG 9 A Father's Love

It's been a little bit since I livebloged the last episode, but (by golly!) I'm gonna keep going (at least until the end of season 1).

02:13- Stop whispering at me Johnathan!

02:47- Oh, you know what would be a fun premise for a show (maybe a miniseries) a true crime podcast investigates the murders of a number of people in their town. As they reveal more and more the podcaster realizes the murderer is closer to home then they like. I feel like that could be a real fun thriller.

04:56- 40 PEOPLE! GIRL WAS HE EVER HOME!!! 40 people in 5 years is 8 people a year. That is a lot of people for something like murder.

09:08- Time to call a plumber, I guess.

10:07- Oh, he was a cop! That explains how he was able to kill so many people (I'm not even talking about in the political way, I'm literally talking about the fact that his knowledge of how crimes are investigated would very much serve him on his quest for death. Not to mention he has access to things that your average murder just wouldn't.)

14:11- You know if Julia ever decides to take vengeance upon her father, she'd be a perfect candidate for the Batfamily. Who among the BatFam hasn't had a murdering father (essentially everyone but Steph and Cass (and for a period of time Jason maybe).

21:17- Uh oh, Poppa's trying to summon ~the horrors~

22:28- I just know this woman doesn't get the access to therapy she needs. I mean, as a therapist, where do you even begin with a story like this.

25:07- Oh....no.

27:40- Once again I must ask, how can Julia ever cope after this image is grafted into her brain!

28:06- Alright the silver had closed around an eye is clearly important. I will save that little image in my mind so I can pull it out when future episodes come around.

29:55- Man this guy should have gotten into butchery or Tarot lore or something other than straight up murder for occult purposes.

30:44- Oh snap! Teeth dude! Alright, it's starting to braid together.

31:15- Sound personal.

Okay, so,as I've mentioned in my other liveblogs, I'm really waiting her so I can see how all of the stories blend together and also because as a person who makes fiction podcasts I feel like i should at least listen to one of the most popular shows in the medium.

I like how it's blending together already. So we have the connection with this episode and the episode with the teeth. We also had that mention of the strange woman in a few episodes. I'm excited to see where this goes.

I will say, while I'm listening to the episodes I feel not necessarily disengaged but it feels sort of quotidian. However, after the episode ends and I really think about the implications of the episode I become more intrigued. I think that might be the single narrator kicking in. Those aren't my favorite type of shows as they are hard for me to stay engaged in, especially since Jon speaks so monotonously through the episode, but the stories he's telling are interesting and thinking about it afterwards gives more more of that imaginative thrill.

[nightblood999]

Unique Podcasts:

If you��re looking for something different, try one of these:

 What’s the Frequency

               What’s The Frequency is a psychedelic noir audio drama podcast set in 1940s Los Angeles. Recently radio broadcasts in the city have been reduced to static, leaving a popular radio serial as the only remaining show on the air. Even then the show finds itself continuously interrupted by a mysterious broadcast. A lone distorted voice reaching out for help. Follow Walter “Troubles” Mix and his partner Whitney as they search for a missing writer and navigate through a city quickly falling into madness. Could the mysterious voice be the culprit? Will anyone be able to stop the madness from spreading? And… What’s The Frequency?

Why I love it: This podcast has some of the best and most loveable main characters ever written.

 Alba Salix, Royal Physician

           A witch, her apprentice, and her fairy herbalist treat the ills of a fairy-tale kingdom.

Why I love it: A fantasy podcast that not D&D or based on D&D? What? Also, Its absolutely hilarious once you get over Magnus’s voice.

 Windfall

           Ever since the castle first appeared in the sky above the city of Windfall, its residents have been building upward. Now the city consists of towers where the wealthiest residents live at the top while the poor eke out a living on the ground. Our podcast follows Cas, Shaima, and Argus, three brothers who live with their Uncle Vern after being orphaned during the grounder rebellion twenty years earlier. When Cas’s best friend, Kendall, is offered a position with the Wolfpac, Windfall’s military cult that acts as the city’s police, Cas is forced to decide where his loyalties lie. Meanwhile, something sinister looms over the city itself, threatening the lives of all who live in Windfall, from the wealthiest residents to the ground-level poor.

Why I love it: This is so well written, and so well voiced, and the sound design is amazing, and I don’t understand why it doesn’t have a cult following to be honest.

Time: Bombs

           Created, written, recorded, produced, and released in just one week, Time Bombs is a new audio drama podcast about the hilarious world of bomb disposal. From the team behind the Webby Award nominated sci-fi audio drama Wolf 359, ride along with EOD technician Simon Teller on the busiest night of the year for him and his team - when business is, quite literally, booming.

Why I love it: Its literally the same team that made my favorite podcast ever of course I love it.

 StarTripper!!

           Feston Pyxis, native of the bureaucracy planet Lorvin, has left it all behind! He’s said his goodbyes, he’s sold all his B-movie memorabilia, and he’s bought a Physiclast QCS-25 K-series ship, known to the wise as a “StarTripper.” Together with the onboard assistant PROXY, Feston’s looking for any and every good time there is to be had across the stars!

Why I love it: Its actually happy. There are so many sad podcasts with angst and inetemse emotion and this was something I could just…. Enjoy? With no hurt? Yes!

 Zero Hours:

         Zero Hours is an anthology series, where every story is a different take on the end of the world - or at least something that feels like the end of the world. Each episode is organized around a kind of apocalypse, whether the cataclysm is planetary or personal. The stories are also set in succeeding centuries, with 99-year intervals separating each episode. The show begins in the past, catches up to the present, and eventually overtakes it.

          Some installments are darkly comedic, others grimly contemplative, and others still thrillingly contentious. But they all explore the same question: how do we keep going when the world is crashing down around us? Again and again, issues of survival, trust, and personhood will plague our characters as they attempt to navigate dangerous, changing circumstances and figure out how to avert The End, or at least how to meet it.

Why I love it: This was also made by the team behind Wolf 359, and its such a unique concept.

 Fairy Tales for Unwanted Children

             Imagine if fairy tales were written like episodes of the Twilight Zone. Now imagine listening to them while happy music plays in the background.

Why I love it: I love the Twilight Zone, and nothing really filled that gap after I watched every episode ever produced. But Fairy Tales for unwanted children fills my need for more Grimm’s fairy tales and more twilight zone at the same time!

 Janus Descending

          Janus Descending is a limited series, science fiction/horror audio drama told through single perspective narration. The story follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists, Peter and Chel,  on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place. Told from alternating perspectives, Janus Descending is an experience of crossing timelines, as Peter describes the nightmare from end to beginning, and Chel, from beginning to the end.

Why I love it: Watching it all come together as Peter slowly works his way backwards through the story, and Chel forwards, was fascinating.

 The Antique Shop

           In desperate need of a job, Maya finds work in an old antique shop owned by a mysterious woman. The more time she spends in the shop the further the real world becomes, and Maya soon begins to realize that nothing is as it seems. 

Why I love it: This is the Genre that just Hits The Spot. It’s like Howls moving castle (Book version) but podcast form and slightly darker. Why is there not a bigger following for this podcast? It deserves a bigger following!

[meimae]

1/12/21

Time for my November Immersion Overview!

Admittedly, I'm four reviews behind, but I was so much in the immersion zone this month that I kept putting off writing them all. No regrets, since that's four completed reads and a million monthly streak still going strong! I'll try my best to put them out for you guys before the year ends.

As usual, I'm excited for a brand new month of immersion, especially because a bunch of stuff I've been waiting to finish releasing are now ready for me to binge over the holidays.

Books

I was self assessing a lot recently, and I figured out that I've been quickly gaining speed reading in 横書き but going slowly for 縦書き, which makes sense because I've spent a lot of my time reading visual novels. Can't beat reading horizontally for most of my life I guess.

To combat the problem, I tried reading books again with some success, since I actually finished one that I stalled for months on end. Tried to use pomodoro, but because every chapter is a different length, I find it very easy to break concentration as compared to visual novels that, despite having to make choices, I can just continue reading 'til the point of almost exhaustion before quitting for the day.

Not giving up though, because I discover new interesting reads everyday, and do have the desire to read all of them one fine day. Just have to keep pushing forward.

My reads for the month totalling 103.32k characters: 本好きの下剋上 司書になるためには手段を選んでいられません 第ニ部 兵士の娘II, かがみの孤城, 君の名は, くまクマ熊ベアー 2, and 三日間の幸福 (completed finally! Review soon.)

Drama

Only one drama?! Pathetic, I know. An absolute shame that all of the things I wanted to watch were either hard to find or still airing. I have come prepared for December though!

着飾る恋には理由があって

So happy that what I did watch was pretty good though! 横浜 流星 keeps playing chef characters in the shows I have seen with him as lead, and its so attractive it should be illegal. (.////.)

Really enjoyed this show; it hits my standard for 女性向け dramas - relatable and cool female lead, interesting side characters, and to top it off, the goodest dog you ever did see! Just a bunch of young adults figuring out their lives like normal people without all the unrealistic drama and scandal that's usually in romance shows.

Podcasts & Youtube

I've also come to realize that all the reading I have been doing have actually started to put my listening behind a bit, and because I've been learning to bake a lot of different things recently, I needed something to listen to while waiting for things to rise in the oven. Figured podcasts were the way to go, because I haven't touched them in a while, and they're relatively much harder than watching content, since they have no context aside from maybe a short description per episode.

4989 Shiku Hakku American Life Podcast

Easy to follow and relatable since she talks a lot about her English language learning journey in America.

ひいきびいき

Probably still my favorite podcast despite only listening to a few episodes since it requires me to concentrate on it a lot more than American Life, but I really love that this is basically two people having a conversation, and their banter and verbal expressions are a really good reference to imitate for future output attempts.

自分に換えるゼロ空間

Stumbled upon this on Spotify, and listened to a few episodes. Can't tell if I like it or not yet, but there are so many episodes that she could easily be potential shadowing material for me, so I'm hoping I get into her content more.

フェルミー漫画大学

Technically, this is not at all a podcast but I like listening to it in the background as if it is, and honestly I've been kind of surprised at the range of non-fiction topics this has.

Visual Novels

Read 1.02 million characters.

At this point, I've come to accept that I've truly fallen deep into the 乙女ゲーム hole, and that there are no signs of me stopping or finding a way out.

Finished both あやかしごはん おかわり, 紫影のソナーニル　-What a beautiful memories-, and I will try my best to write my reviews for them as well. (´v｀;)

The tricky one here is エンジェルビーツ!, something I stalled way back in July. For the most part, I agree with the sentiment that if you're not enjoying something drop it and move on (and I technically did for 4 months), but I'm also stubborn, and it upsets me that everyone raves about how good Key VNs are and I have yet to finish even one.

I said earlier that choices in VNs do not break my concentration, but if it is as many, as pointless, and as close to each other like it is for Angel Beats (and for the couple of other Key VNs I did start and stall as well) then it becomes a problem.

Starting this again, I realized that despite following a guide, it just goes all over the place, sometimes choices bringing me to the middle of a different route - I was not ready for that kind of chaos at all. Still, I have goal before the year ends, and I'm going to do my best to beat this game despite it being a skip hell fest and unfortunately only mildly funny for my taste (the jokes in this got old so fast I...٩(๑`^´๑)۶).

-☆-

Thanks for stopping by and reading! I'll catch you all again next time.

Now to actually go write those four reviews....ヾ(｡>﹏<｡)ﾉﾞ

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part two.   here and under the cut, you can find over 130 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes four to six, edited for roleplay purposes. some of these focus heavily on survival, war, science, and spooky stuff, but a lot can be used by anyone.  tw:  war, unreality, a mention of cannibalism, implications of manic behaviour.

❝  god, i hate snowstorms like this. not just getting caught in them, but the storms themselves. it feels like the earth’s trying to bury me alive every time it locks in like this. like nature’s rightly pissed off at all of us and doing its level best to crush us to death.  ❞

❝  that’s what yom kippur means:  the day of atonement.  ❞

❝  that wasn’t the first time i’ve caught him in my office, going through my stuff.  ❞

❝  normally i’d be annoyed at someone calling me young lady.  ❞

❝  thank you… you are so warm… thank you for letting me in.  ❞

❝  suddenly, everything fell into place. i made more progress than i had in about half a year.  ❞

❝  the thing i remember most was catching disapproving glances from my father every time i went to the library.  ❞

❝  why does time only run forward?  why does cause need to precede effect?  ❞

❝  no one knows if they can trust me with casework or not.  ❞

❝  i didn’t say i was interested.  ❞

❝  [he/i] was taken off duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation the next day.  ❞

❝  coffee. i was making coffee.  ❞

❝  i didn't mean to get stuck out here.  ❞

❝  that just goes to show how small humans really are in the grand scheme of things:  take away our tools and our toys and our technology, and we’re still just as vulnerable as we ever were.  ❞

❝  she was good at that:  making you feel like you were safe, like you could open up to her.  ❞

❝  i’m just going to cover that one up. no harm in keeping it out of sight for the moment.  ❞

❝  maybe there was someone in the stairs.  ❞

❝  i think i did the lion’s share of the talking, which almost never happens.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get to sleep... i figured i’d get a head start today.  ❞

❝  i’m afraid i don’t have all of the details of your involvement with the… tragic events in [place]. and i don’t think i’m the only one.  ❞

❝  i’m still not sure i understand the whole tradition.  ❞

❝  whatever it is, it’s chasing me. i can hear it’s footsteps in the snow, i can hear it—  ❞

❝  when you work nights here, the less you really think about them, the better.  ❞

❝  honestly, i just can’t get it out of my head.  ❞

❝  snow is one of nature’s simplest and most effective ways of killing you dead if you aren’t prepared for it.  ❞

❝  i wish you’d tell me what you’re doing here. i could lose my job if anything gets broken or if you end up getting hurt in there…  ❞

❝  would you say you… considered her a friend?  ❞

❝  would you mind saying your name again?  for the recording?  ❞

❝  if that was true, then there was something—and as a scientist, i hate to say this—supernatural going on in that lab.  ❞

❝  most of them didn’t make it. a lot of them died afraid and alone, too.  ❞

❝  i know you don’t like listening to these things, so i just wanted to help you out with…  ❞

❝  if i could sleep, then trust me, i would.  ❞

❝  i’m guessing the new owners are trying to make this place seem less creepy than it already is.  ❞

❝  my schooling was expensive and unremarkable.  ❞

❝  a lot of them died afraid and alone, too:  ideal conditions for the making of poltergeists, in my experience.  ❞

❝  look, i’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time for anything, so if you wouldn’t mind…  ❞

❝  basically, i was picturing a slightly creepier morticia addams. i couldn’t have been more wrong.  ❞

❝  now i have to deal with [name]’s aspirations to write drama..  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t get you sacked.  ❞

❝  i’ve never been very religious, but for some reason… it made me think of hell.  ❞

❝  i think it may have been a thank you.  ❞

❝  i’m working the graveyard shift and i noticed the lights were on.  ❞

❝  i shouldn’t be here. no one asked me to come in this early.  ❞

❝  everyone around here looks at me like i’m some kind of leper.  ❞

❝  i had to go home for a few hours. i’m already on thin ice around here, and i didn’t want to get in more trouble for screaming obscenities up and down the wall.  ❞

❝  it was… darkness. no, that doesn’t do it credit, the whole place was dark. this was just... void.  ❞

❝  if i’d seen her anywhere else, i’d think she was an athlete or a backpacker.  ❞

❝  better scientists than me have been bashing their heads into that particular wall since 1927.  ❞

❝  i just want you to know that… whatever you really are... you’re safe here.  ❞

❝  goats being goats, it would just come back the next day looking for food.  ❞

❝  i would like you to leave my office now… and i’ll ask you not to tamper with evidence in the future, understood?  ❞

❝  no, of course, i don’t have signal out here, so i can’t just call triple-a.  ❞

❝  what are you doing in my office—at four goddamn thirty in the morning?  ❞

❝  you ever wonder where the line is?  you know, between human and not?  ❞

❝  the funny thing i’ve noticed about war:  no matter how terrible the fighting is, there always seems to be too much waiting. too much quiet. too much sitting around, bored to tears between fits of chaos and violence, lost in routine while waiting for the other shoe to drop.  ❞

❝  a lot of people condemn them for that. we’re so sure we’d never resort to that—that we’d rather die than cross that unspoken boundary.  ❞

❝  i’ve been at the [workplace/institution] for ten years now. that’s long enough to know that the ones who ask questions are the ones who can’t cut it.  ❞

❝  the program blew every fuse in the lab. including the lights.  ❞

❝  it was soon after they left that i began to have trouble sleeping.  ❞

❝  perhaps we never knew each other as well as most friends do, but… we cared for one another.  ❞

❝  most of her questions are a bit above my pay grade.  ❞

❝  i’m trying, i’m trying! i can’t get the door open!  ❞

❝  i don’t know why she needed my help:  i think she had a better grasp of it than most science fiction writers.  ❞

❝  we both had places to be afterwards, so we kind of rushed. i really wish i’d taken the time to say goodbye.  ❞

❝  i guess some things just… don’t want to stay buried.  ❞

❝  it was completely against orders of course, but no one really noticed or cared that far from the front.  ❞

❝  i offered to buy him a cup of coffee.  ❞

❝  newspapers praised them at the time:  saw them as heroes of exploration and paragons of pioneer courage.  ❞

❝  i signed a lot of big, scary nda’s during my time there.  ❞

❝  i did the only thing that came to mind:  i took a grenade from my belt, removed the pin, and threw it.  ❞

❝  i doubt this storm will last more than a couple of days, and once it lets up we can sneak out of here and get going again. very, very carefully.  ❞

❝  given enough time, everything will rot away to its elementary components, and that, you can’t reverse.  ❞

❝  i really can’t see anything from inside the van.  ❞

❝  i knew there were a few experiments that dealt with some pretty high-level theoretical concepts, but i wasn’t directly involved with any of them.  ❞

❝  it’s a strange choice, but then again, he’s a strange man.  ❞

❝  i know, it sounds ridiculous. trust me, i’ve done everything i can think of to make that conclusion go away.  ❞

❝  scared the bejeezus out of a bunch of skiers, but they were nice enough to let me in after deciding i probably wasn’t a ghost.  ❞

❝  please… it burns my skin… please…  ❞

❝  i forgot how fast storms blow in up here.  ❞

❝  it’s not like i felt out of control:  it felt more natural than breathing.  ❞

❝  i didn’t know what i was doing, not at any conscious level. but one step seemed to lead to another, then the next, and then the next.  ❞

❝  it’s called a butcher’s shop in some places, but a mortuary in others. as much as i’d love to imply there was some sweeney todd style recycling going on here, i think the place has just been a lot of things over the years.  ❞

❝  god, these things are creepy as hell.  ❞

❝  if you wouldn’t mind, please, tell us what happened? in your own time, of course.  ❞

❝  it took a few long, nerve-wracking days to work up my courage and visit the section again.  ❞

❝  it’s not that odd to think that people ate each other out there.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think there was a ghost in my room or anything like that, i just kept hearing noises whenever i was about to fall asleep.  ❞

❝  i downed half a dozen energy drinks at 6 and called it dinner—i know, i know, it’s a nasty habit i picked up in grad school.  ❞

❝  they told me that the cpu and motherboard had somehow been melted into a solid lump of plastic and silicon.  ❞

❝  i mean, [name] was a pain in the ass, but at least he didn’t…  ❞

❝  my schedule was full, but i had something else fall through at the last minute. i had your number on my desk, so i thought i may as well call.  ❞

❝  i wonder if it was afraid, or if it even realized what was going to happen. it probably didn’t.  ❞

❝  i need to get more coffee. or punch someone. whichever’s more convenient.  ❞

❝  god, if that’s really how i sound…  ❞

❝  people think i write horror, but i don’t really think that’s true. i just write fiction with all of the comfortable little lies taken out of it.  ❞

❝  i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.  ❞

❝  i think he felt something about this place… some influence or power that needed to be destroyed, so he tried to do it the only way he knew how.  ❞

❝  well, it’s a tricky thing. the more realistic you make them, the more… unreal they start to look. i think it’s something about the eyes.  ❞

❝  i offered to stay late, just to smooth things over.  ❞

❝  maybe i can get some writing done while i’m stuck here…  ❞

❝  no child could grow up in a jewish home surrounded by books and not read at least one story about golems.  ❞

❝  i just wasn’t a good student, despite my love of reading.  ❞

❝  i have to say, i like your jane doe.  ❞

❝  she was a scientist herself.  maybe not formally, but her way of thinking, her insight, her methods... they were scientist’s qualities.  ❞

❝  seriously, what do i need to do to get a little privacy around here, a little dignity?  hang a  ‘ do not disturb ’  sign on the door?  change all my locks?  ❞

❝  maybe it was stupid, but i figured, ‘ hey, early december, not a cloud in the sky—should still be fine, right? ’  ❞

❝  jesus, [name], i wasn’t born yesterday.  ❞

❝  maybe doing this while it’s still dark outside isn’t the best idea.  ❞

❝  more than a century and a half have passed, and this place is still just as dangerous as it was then.  ❞

❝  now, [mr./ms./mx. name], i’m sure you know why you’re here.  ❞

❝  the [event] was a bust—only about a dozen people showed up all afternoon.  ❞

❝  i never put much stock in the idea of inspiration, but for the first time in my life, it felt like i wasn’t pushing myself through the muck of miscalculation and guesswork towards a solution. i was being pulled towards an answer that already existed.  ❞

❝  it felt like i was a few steps from finding out something fundamental. some truth about our universe that no other scientist had ever dared to dream of.  ❞

❝  huh. that’s… that’s weird. i could’ve sworn there wasn’t a sculpture back there before.  ❞

❝  apparently, no one had told them what i was doing, and i wasn’t actually cleared to leave.  ❞

❝  maybe he’s trying to make amends. keeping watch over these half-living things to make sure no harm comes to them.  ❞

❝  i expected the building to be wreathed in shadow and overgrown with cobwebs, but it's actually really nice.  ❞

❝  sorry, i was trying to get my recorder working, but it froze up on me so i had to find a tape for this old…  ❞

❝  okay. just… don’t get me sacked, alright?  can’t exactly retire on this salary.  ❞

❝  but if it was real—i don’t know if i somehow created it, or if it was feeding me information about itself before it appeared.  ❞

❝  i’ve never had a manic episode before, and i was well below the level of caffeine needed to cause intoxication. as far as i can tell, there isn’t a medical explanation for what happened.  ❞

❝  i don’t get the appeal of meeting real celebrities. it’s just a cheap shock of recognition, and nothing more.  ❞

❝  whatever this… thing was, it sounds pretty dangerous.  ❞

❝  are you familiar with temporal asymmetry?  ❞

❝  i just want to make that abundantly clear:  this /wasn’t/ the plan.  ❞

❝  right then, now let’s get started. please state your name and rank for the record.  ❞

❝  though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light.  ❞

❝  a cracker of a book, young lady.  ❞

❝  no wonder they’re keeping them in storage. they’d give anyone nightmares.  ❞

❝  i was just going to finish out my shift unless… you want me to stick around?  ❞

❝  i went to the university, but don’t remember much of the years i spent there.  ❞

❝  having to study textbooks and essays day in and day out took all of the joy out of reading for a long time.  ❞

❝  we call paradoxes paradoxes for a reason:  no matter how plausible they seem, they can never really happen.  ❞

❝  i don’t know what happened to me that night. i still don’t even know if what i saw was real.  ❞

❝  when we look into the void for too long, we find the monsters instead.  ❞

[imagineredwood]

Educating the fandom + nonexamples + history of tone policing POC

There seems to have been a lot of growth and self reflection that has gone on in the last day maybe two. That’s an amazing thing. We love to see it. That’s what we wanted from the beginning. Now, I’m not trying to stir up the pot again, but there are just a few more things I want to go over that have come to my attention after the fact especially since various people have reached out to me wanting examples on how to approach these types of situations. I also want to lay out exactly why some of us may not be as willing to continue educating in the future due to how things happened.

So lets start from the beginning. The very first time I ever mentioned the fact that Papi is a term of endearment on this blog was a literal four years ago. Someone asked if I would call someone daddy sexually and I talk about how they may perceive it as being sexual if I were to say papi because that’s just something that I say, but it’s a term of endearment.  You can find that post here

I mentioned it again two years ago on a post here when someone asked how the Mayans would feel being called Papi and then again in that same year 2018 which you can find here 

Then once more a year ago regarding Coco being called papi that you can find here 

So this is not something new. I’ve been fighting against this for years, its just that in the last month or so I’ve grown tired. Nearly five years of trying to explain and and teach and educate and reason and nothing changes. The only reason I believe it changed now is because I had to be forceful and direct about it and other Latinas fought with me. Now, I’ve spoken about the papi thing various times this week, but yesterday and the way before was where it got the most air time because other Latinx people in this fandom opened up to me about the way that it’s affecting their personal lives. 

Here’s the thing: google is free. Media in the form of books, podcasts, films and more that detail the Latinx Diaspora, can be accessed for free. Educating yourself can be done for free. It is not our responsibility nor any other POC’s responsibility to educate the masses. If we do, its because we want to make a difference. So counting on us to teach you right from wrong is a lot to ask and we shouldn’t have to carry that weight, but willingly some of us do. We don’t have to but we do, because we want to try and make our spaces better places. Regardless, if you say that you don’t know and someone enlightens you, the ball is in your court. I made posts going over why calling Latin men either real or fictional papi is problematic, cringy, and inappropriate at on the 8th, 9th, and 10th. Three days in a row. Then yesterday at 10pm I went over it again by reblogging another post. At around 12 am this is a tag on a picture of Clayton

Again, portraying papi as meaning daddy in a sexual sense. Around 10-20 minutes later, someone politely tried to correct her and give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just didn’t know, even though we know she did, and this is the response

So right there she ignored education once more and then deadass went out of her way to find a gif (ironically of a Latinx woman who is from PR and also uses it as a term of endearment) to use the word out of spite and say that us speaking out about fetishization of our people is “stupid as fuck”. A slap to the face. But that’s not all. When approached again when she’s had time to think and acknowledge the issue, here’s the response:

Why try to guilt trip and reverse psychology? No one said not to write, we said stop writing fetishizing work. And when the guilt tripping doesn’t work, that’s when the vilifying and demonizing starts:

“Attack” “being attacked” anytime POC stand up for themselves after being ignored, suddenly were painted as mean, aggressive, attacking, etc. Pay attention to the language used. Now who got reckless at the mouth first? Because it wasn’t us. Then there’s this:

Says she doesn’t get the issue and then later proceeds to explain that she can’t call her own father daddy because of how sexualized the word daddy is. So she does understand but it suddenly doesn’t compute when the word is now spanish...🤔

We all tried to teach her but because we’re Latinas, it was attacking when we did it and enlightening when someone not Latinx but Spanish did (and I’m thankful that you did sweetpea!) Another reason why it’s important for those not in the Latinx community to help us out in addressing these issues. Plenty of people will disregard Latinos yet listen to people outside of the community and respect them but not us 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apologizes to someone who explained to her what she did wrong but doesn’t apologize to the people she ridiculed, disregarded and tried to vilify.

All in all I just want this to be a learning curve. More of y’all than I was expecting came to our defense and not only held it down for us but used your own voices and platforms to make sure that ours were heard. That’s an ally, and we’re thankful for y’all more than I think y’all realize 🙏🏼🤍

@likedovesinthewnd @awildcur

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

[bogkeep]

hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on...  there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s  not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

[bearmustard]

Hi Clare! I've been listening to your podcast and I love that there's a lot of talk about the bears there so I thought I'd ask you, right now there's a lot of accs on Twitter trying to be like them and make people think is all happening again and I know I know is all fake but like idk how to explain why?? Like why can we trust the bears but not all these accs?? My actual question is what was the one thing that made you realize the bears were actually Louis and Harry and not someone random??

Oh nonnie, you really know how to fire me up! Welcome to my favourite topic in all of Larrie fandom. Not the bears, per say, (though I love them with my entire being and they are the thing that kept me a larrie when shit got really hard and confusing) but about thinking critically about how communication is happening, what that looks like, and how we can separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, when it comes to weighing up evidence. 

A quick note - I am wary of the phrase ‘do your research’, especially since it’s become the catch-cry of conspiracy groups like Q etc etc. I believe that you should research, and consider the expert opinions (in this case, a combination of expert evidence, veteran larries’ experience, information from H & L themselves) but human beings are pattern seekers, and there is only so much ‘research’ will tell you, before your brain starts looking for patterns in the smallest things to create a narrative, and that’s not always how real life works. So you have to kind of hold two things in your mind - the first is that we will never know the full story, or even a fraction of it. (Maybe one day we’ll get a tell all, but I’m not holding my breath). The second thing to keep in mind is that real life is messy as fuck, and often stranger than fiction, and things that are TOO neat are things you want to investigate/think critically about/maintain a healthy suspicion about. 

So to your first question - how do you know all of those accts are fake in your gut? Often it’s because they are TOO neat. They line up too well with the story people are telling, which is rarely what the story is. It gets a lot of clout at the time, but long term it doesn’t make sense. I arrived in this fandom at the tail-end of the @goodbyeadulthood phenom, where anybody making any kind of sensible, evidence based theory was called a plant (mostly jokingly) (mostly) so I guess being able to see that this has all happened before gives me a bit of perspective when it comes to excitement about “insider accounts”. Accts like CBO and hscox94 have very clear patterns - they are ridiculously vague, they almost never predict (always following, not leading, events), and they conveniently change/adapt their story to the prevailing winds of fandom opinion. 

How we know the bears were the real deal then? I mean, honest answer is we really can’t ever know, but there is compelling evidence that they were. @tellmethisisnotlove has an excellent masterpost (that I just realised feature some of my own theories, lol) on how the bears link to 1D, and specifically to Harry and Louis. 

What people forget, though, because it’s been accepted fandom lore for so long, but many larries were not convinced that it was Harry and Louis themselves at the time. It’s only with hindsight that the majority agree. We knew they were connected to the band. RBB definitely started from (probably) Josh Devine, probably as a joke, because he created the first twitter acct, but it was very different in tone from what the bears would become. 

RBB really was just considered a cute tour mascot, and that only started to change in the Europe leg of the OTRA tour. Coincidently, this was after the 2 month break where BG was set up, H & L were separated, and L had a bunch of behind the scenes stuff going on with Sony and SYCO. Prior to this, H & L had been less cryptic in their resistance (big gay war of 2014 anyone?) and had paid a heavy, heavy price. 

So in Europe, RBB gets a pal, and all of a sudden, they’re being dressed up, usually in the same costume (this is why he was called Teddy Mercury to start) and was just a fun thing to watch out for. They were linked to the band (any roadie you talk to says there’s no fucking way they wouldn’t be signed off by the band) but not in a tangible way. 

It got really nuts in July (which, in my head, is when Louis takes over the bears fully, with Harry) for the US leg. This is when big money starts being spent, the scenes get way more elaborate, they start using the blue and green (and red) stickers, and they start featuring props about closeted gay artists, or famous people who had to hide a secret, or sony flip phones (you get the gist). My recollection is that it wasn’t until Vancouver, and the KD Lang book, that the fandom started thinking the Bears were telling us anything, and then we went back and with hindsight realised there were small references to events. 

Even then, there was extremely healthy skepticism in the fandom about the bears being directly from Louis and Harry until much later, when in London they had the blue and green spotlights and the ‘Love Larry’ picture. You can hear in the podcast ep the week we finally feel like we can say for sure it’s Louis (and we are hysterical about it) and that’s the week of Belfast, the countdown, the newcastle gay bar, and the reflection of Louis’ shirt in RBB’s sunglasses. That’s in OCTOBER. Nearly FIVE MONTHS of RBB and SBB leaving us cryptic clues and getting more and more elaborate. Five months of people (including die hard RBB fans like myself) constantly doubting themselves as to whether it really meant something. Moreover, the interview where they are asked about it was December, and so for many that was the final piece of the puzzle, so we forget now that there was so much uncertainty about how much we could trust it. 

Even now, there are things that we haven’t figured out about the bears, that suddenly make sense when something from the time is revealed, and that has been happening since hiatus. 

And that’s my answer - TLDR - that hindsight, critical thinking/understanding, and context are what tells us the bears are the real deal, and were orchestrated by Louis and Harry in response to events and pressures behind the scenes. That they found a way to support and encourage their LGBT fans (and allies) in a year where a lot of things were awful. Those bears were the goddamn light in the tunnel, showing us a way to understand. 

[stusbunker]

Brother Knows Best

A Supernatural Fan-fiction

Featuring: Sam Winchester/ Plus-sized!Reader

Written for: @lukn4inspo​ for my 800 follower Celebration

Word Count: 1679

Warnings: Floof, Dean playing wingman, self esteem issues

    It had been months since he had seen her in person, and the sight of her crawling out of her truck just to beam up at him with her gorgeous smile hit Sam straight in the chest. 

    “How was the trip?” he asked once he shook the cobwebs out of his thoughts.

    “Not bad, yours?” She shrugged just before she snuck her arms under his for a quick hug. Sam held on a little longer than she seemed to, enjoying the way her plush body pressed to his.

    “The usual, straight through with a lot of Zeppelin,” Sam replied.

    “At least you got to sleep?” She offered, optimistic as she rounded the rear of her vehicle to grab her bags. Sam caught up quickly and took what could only be her weapons from her, it was so heavy.

    “Uh, just listened to a podcast actually,” Sam said, almost as an afterthought.

    “Nice! I just caught up on mine on the way. What are you into these days?” She tossed her bag over her shoulder and listened intently as he rattled off the ones he had checked out. When he got to the ones he listened to regularly she beat him to the punch, listing three out of the four right along with him.

    “You like true crime, how did I not know that?” Sam chuckled.

    “Am I into True Crime?! Boy, I practically only do cases where I can get a peek at some serial killer paraphernalia, if not the actual crime scenes,” she balked.

    “Ever been to the Lizzie Borden house?” Sam kept going.

    Dean watched them from the doorway of the motel room, shaking his head. 

     Dean glared at Sam across the booth, his brother’s eyes had gone glassy as he watched her hips as she rushed out of the diner and back to surveillance detail. This was going to be a long one, Dean thought to himself as he slurped his coffee loud enough to draw Sam out of his little revelry.

    “Really?” Sam’s face pinched in annoyance.

    “You should go with her, see if you find anything,” Dean suggested over the rim of his mug.

    “What? Come on, man, she’ll be fine,” Sam looked at Dean like he was crazy.

    “Oh I’m sure she is, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go, eh?” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

    “Stop. It’s not like that,” Sam rolled his eyes and went back to his egg white omelette.

    Dean chuckled and started counting off reasons with his fingers. “She’s cute. She’s single. She listens to the same creepy ass podcasts you listen to. And she called you about the case.”

    “Just, stop, okay? Sure, she’s great, but it’s just a case,” Sam shrugged. “It doesn’t mean she’s interested in me like that.”

    “Aren’t you? Interested in her?” Dean pressed, head cocked knowingly.

    Sam bit his lip and set down his cup for a refill from the waitress. The table fell quiet as they said their thanks and returned to their meals. 

    Was he? Sam didn’t usually allow himself the novelty of romance. He’d been through too much. He’d lost too many people to think it was in the cards for him. Hunters don’t get happily-ever-afters. Sure, she was smart and resourceful. And Sam did get warm in the cheeks whenever she smiled. Sam introspected until Dean dropped his silverware and blinked at Sam with slow disbelief. 

    “Once this is over, you’re asking her out or I’m doing it for you,” Dean spat out under narrowed eyes.

    Sam rolled his eyes again. “Fine. I’ll talk to her. Okay? Geez.”

    Dean grinned and patted Sam on the shoulder. “That’s more like it, Sammy.”

    Sam stood awkwardly at the edge of the booth, Dean refused to slide in another inch.

    “Hey, Y/N, would you mind scooting in for Sam? I want to keep this leg elevated,” Dean asked, playing the injury card. They had wrapped up the vengeful spirit and had gone for drinks to celebrate an early night off the job. 

    “Sure? Actually, why don’t I,---” she stood and eased out off the bench seat, brushing against Sam as he moved to take her place. “If that’s cool? I just wanted to grab the first round, since you guys drove in for the assist.”

    Sam swallowed as she looked up at him, eyes playful and full of gratitude. 

“That’d be great, thanks.” Sam awkwardly patted her shoulder before he dropped onto the old vinyl seat. 

    Dean waited until she was out of earshot. “Have you ever spoken to a woman before? Did I just invent every person you’ve ever slept with? Because what the hell was that?!”

    Sam flinched and eyed Dean in annoyance. “Shut up. She was--- it was--- I was just really close to her,” Sam trailed off. “Anyway, you can shut up about your knee, you’re fine. You drove here fast enough.”

    Dean shrugged. “Well, I’m not as young as I used to be, Sammy. And neither are you, so pace yourself, alright?” Dean nodded, tapping his temple and gesturing to Sam’s junk.

“You are disgusting.” Sam pointlessly looked to the heavens for help.

    She quickly returned with a round of shots in her hands and three beers clutched to one breast. Sam tried not to oggle as she leaned down to disburse the drinks, but her tank top was askew from her efforts. Dean chuckled and drummed on the table.

    “That’s what I’m talking about! Bottoms up!” Dean toasted her and polished off his shot.

    Sam stilled as she rested her hand behind his back and leaned in. “You gonna let me in or do I have to pay a toll?”

    “Oh, sorry, here,” Sam slid to the farthest reaches of the bench, retreating from the welcoming give of her body as it brushed against his shoulder. He didn’t catch her look of confusion.

    “Let’s go, you two, gotta keep up!” Dean pushed their shots closer.

    They drank and talked, laughter and stories flowed freely long into the night. Sam kept to beer, mainly because Dean had blatantly stolen his shots. She trailed off after the third round, bringing them water and beer instead.

    “So, where to next, champ?” Dean asked her, fingering through the bottom of a bowl of popcorn.

    “Who knows, not gonna start looking until check out time tomorrow,” she answered, playing with the straw in her glass, and followed up asking pointedly of Sam. “You guys heading back to your fortress of duo-tude first thing?”

    He chuckled at her jab and nodded, sighing. “Yeah, as long as nothing pops up between here and there.”

    Sam glanced at Dean and Dean’s eyes dropped to the table, assessing the graveyard before them. “You know what, why don’t I just clear these out of the way. Don’t need to give the staff more to---,” Dean’s voice dropped to a mutter as he rather obviously left Sam alone with the girl.

    “Glad to see his leg is better,” she murmured, a smile dancing around the tip of her straw.

    “Yeah, it was just hollow, needed his hunter fuel to fill it back up,” Sam agreed, dimples on full display. Sam poked the side of his cheek with his tongue, considering if he should keep talking. “You know, I told him I would talk to you after the case. He threatened to ask you out for me if I didn’t.”

    “Damn, big brother goes that hard to get you some, huh?” She laughed, but the nervousness was palpable.

    “I guess,” Sam huffed, feeling the conversation was balancing on the edge of a knife.

    “Well, it’s a good thing you talked to me then, cleared the air. Don’t have to worry about Dean butting in anymore,” she nodded, swallowing. She wouldn’t look at Sam, his stomach dropped.

    “Hey.” Sam spun to face her completely, his knee bent at an awkward angle in the narrow booth. “Want to get out of here?”

    “You’re serious?” She balked. “I thought that was your way of letting me down gently.”

    Sam’s face twisted in concern and he shook his head. Before he realized it he was leaning towards her, her face still a mask of skepticism. The telltale rumble of the impala’s engine revved in the parking lot, which Dean hardly ever did. Sam closed his eyes and shook his head.

    “And apparently my brother is as tactless as ever.” Sam sighed. “Mind taking me back to the motel? I mean, unless you wanted to---?”

    She looked defeated. “Sam, are you sure this isn’t Dean tricking you into being stuck with me? Like a joke he’ll use against you in the future?” Her doubt tore through him; she’d been hurt before, more than he’d realized.

    Sam dropped a hand to her thigh. “What? No, Dean even said you were cute. He’s just a little too---enthusiastic, sometimes.”

    He waited for her to believe him, nervous for an entirely different reason than he had been all night. She put her hand on his, squeezing as she looked into his eyes. Sam saw a deep pool of emotion and he couldn’t help but lurch forward and give her the only true reassurance he could. His lips met hers in an earnest kiss. Sam forgot to be scared and worked to be honest. To prove to her that she was who he wanted. 

That this was real.

    She quickly caught up, mouth opening to accept his graces. When she pulled away gasping, Sam couldn’t help but grin. She rested her temple against his cheek as their fingers intertwined on her lap. 

   “Okay, okay, twist my arm why don’t ya?” she teased.

    “I mean, you are basically rescuing me from walking back,” Sam reasoned. “My hero.”

    “Wow, you really are gonna lay it on thick now, aren’t you?” She blushed and shook her head, giving him a playful kiss.

    “Pretty thick, yeah.” Sam bit his lips, but couldn’t stop himself from continuing. “But mostly long.”

     She gave him an impressed cocked eyebrow.

    “Hey, Sam?” She leaned in and whispered in his ear, “wanna get out of here?”

Prompt #8 of 8

Sam and plus size reader where he’s smitten?

Tagging:

@flamencodiva​​ @dolphincliffs​​ @dontshootmespence​​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​​  @fangirlxwritesx67 @dawnie1988 @mrswhozeewhatsis​​ @cosicas-cuquis​​ @foxyjwls007 @tumbler-tidbits @defenderrosetyler​​ @ericaprice2008 @princessofthefandomrealm @awesomesusiebstuff​

[keplercryptids]

how to read more!

hi, i read a lot of books! last year i read 150 books, and this year i’m on track to read 100 more. i’m also a pretty low-spoons disabled person with chronic pain and untreated adhd. lots of people ask me how i read so much so i thought i’d compile some tips.

disclaimer: i don’t have any learning disabilities that impair reading, and with certain workarounds, my adhd doesn’t really hinder my reading either (but please don’t ask me to sit through a movie, i can’t and i won’t). so what works for me may not work for you. just keep in mind that your mileage with these tips will likely vary!

1. audiobooks!

seriously, these are a huge help. if you’re a podcast listener, try subbing out some podcasts for audiobooks every so often. you can download the libby app for free on your phone and get tons of audiobooks from your local library. thanks to adhd, it’s really hard for me to sit and listen without doing anything else, so i like to do chores (especially cooking/laundry/folding clothes), color, do crafty things, play phone games etc while i listen. i know some folks who listen to audiobooks as they read along with a physical book which also may work for some of you.

as a note, my brain won’t let me get into audiobooks of certain genres. i prefer poetry, lyrical prose and nonfiction in audio formats. so that’s something to consider, you may have a genre preference when it comes to audiobooks. follow your bliss.

2. your mood matters.

this is key for me. i am a huge mood reader and i’ve learned that forcing myself to read something i’m not enjoying will ensure that i entirely stop reading everything forever. let yourself put a book down if you’re not liking it. there are millions of books out there! life is too short to read one you’re not loving.

also, i cannot read when i’m stressed. lots of people read to chill out when they’re anxious or upset, and i am NOT one of those people (which is why i fully did not read from ages 18-23 lmao). if you only ever attempt to read when you’re stressed out and find yourself struggling, that could be why. obviously there isn’t a simple solution to this, but taking care of your mental health first is important.

3. if you used to read a lot but struggle to do so now, your reading tastes may have changed.

5-10 years ago, pretty much all i read was literary fiction. so when i tried to get into reading again a few years ago and struggled, part of the reason why was because i’m just not that into literary fiction anymore. i’m much more into adult fantasy and scifi, and it took awhile for me to realize that. if it’s been awhile since you’ve read a lot, try out new-to-you genres.

4. ebooks are good books.

this should really be higher on the list because it’s the #1 thing that’s helped me read more. i have a kindle, and fuck amazon, but i literally only use it for library books and ebooks from indie publishers. the convenience of being able to download pretty much any book i want from the library and start reading immediately, as often as my mood demands, has been critical for both my reading habits and my wallet. last year, 60+ of the books i read were library ebooks.

this is another way of saying, find a format that works for you. i know some people who can only read books on their phones in between doing other things, which sounds like a literal hellscape for me, but you do you!

5. try reading at a certain time of day.

this could totally backfire for some of you, and i don’t always stick to this, but reading as part of my routine (right after breakfast, after i walk the dogs until dinnertime, right before bed) helps me. especially if routines help you with your adhd, this is something that could be useful.

that’s what i got for now! i may add more if i think of them. feel free to add tips and tricks that have worked for you! happy reading you beautiful bookworms.

[princewarmachine]

starscream for the character thing?? :3c

Don’t mind if I do

Favorite thing about them?

This is difficult to say. I love, like, everything about him. He's just been a huge part of my childhood and I mean, I loved him ever since I laid eyes on him. Sounds crazy, but it's like we have a strange bond. I guess I love how he can be super complicated, and even in the G1 series you watch how he acts and how he interacts with the world and think, "How did he get to this point?". Something about how he always seems to die, and be resurrected sticks with me. And just every time I see him, I feel so excited. It really breaks my heart when his character is written poorly or treated poorly with no rhyme or reason. There is more to say on the subject, but I have no idea how to put it into words. I love him, dearly.

Least Favorite thing about them?

It's really hard for me to dislike things about characters because I feel that most of the time, in a story, every element and character adds something and is in its place, even if it seems useless. So, really, I don't ever feel anger at a character. But I mean, I am highly empathetic when I invest into fictional worlds. I would say, I dislike how dead end or cut off his storylines seem most of the time. I'm also really tired of the trope of him being abused and getting no sympathy in the writing. Or no redemption arc, when he is clearly set up to have one. I guess I'm saying, the thing I least like about him is his wasted potential.

Favorite Line?

He has a lot of really good lines, a lot of them stuck with me as a child. I would say that a line of his that stuck with me that hardest was this scene in G1 , where he is screaming "I'm stupid! I'm stupid!". It really disturbed me as a child how Megatron was treating him, and the way Starscream was so scared made me really upset. I could never understand why people found it funny. Now I realize that it's probably because the scene and the way he begs mirrored the abusive situation I was watching my parents go through. Weird, right? Otherwise, I'd say my favorite line is "Wanna bet?" :). It's the first time on screen we see Starscream TRULY betray Megatron, and I think it's just fucking crazy.

BroTP?

Sounds weird, but Grimlock and Starscream. This is pretty self indulgent, because Grimlock is my sibling's favorite transformer, and Starscream is my favorite. Also, probably Alexis and Starscream from Transformers: Armada. It really showed an intense friendship, and Armada is just so fucking good. One of the best versions of Starscream I've seen, and Alexis is just such a sweetheart to him and he really becomes soft in their friendship.

OTP?

Well, since I mostly ship G1 characters, there are endless possibilities. The thing with G1 characters is that, anything seems to go. It'll most likely be cute either way. Sooo... most of my ships are crack ships. That being said, Shrapnel/Starscream and Optimus/Starscream. But also, I will probably find most other ships with him in them cute. :)

nOTP?

I'm not a big fan of Megatron/Starscream, unless it's in Shattered Glass. Which is sad, there is so little series where they have a GOOD and healthy friendship, or even dynamic. I'd love to see that change.

Random Headcanon?

Hmm, I always like to imagine that he was a very decent person before the war. He had friends, he had a career in science, he seemed content. Then, with war, he became a much, much different situation.

Unpopular Opinion?

Haha, well I probably don't have a lot of unpopular opinions. Probably the one that fits the most in there is that I don't think of him as having bad intentions/being evil at the start of the war. I very much like to think that he is a very groomed individual, but I think that applies to all the transformers, Autobots and Decepticons. When you look at how all the characters act after knowing what a fucked up situation the military is, especially the US military, it puts it in a bit more perspective how absolutely brainwashed everyone is. Though, I do think that since most of the characters, especially Starscream, did not leave the war, and he especially craved the power the war gave him, the Cybertronian war just consumed their being. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I cannot sit here and positively feel good about my analysis of his character by just thinking "He's evil and a bitch". Though, I am adding a bit too much personal stuff on him, I will admit. Though, here's the thing! If you want to get a better idea on what I'm talking about with the corrupt military and such, you should listen to the podcast Eyes Left. It's two veterans who talk about their experience with being in the military, and why they became dishonorably discharged. For more perspective on how damaging being in the military is, I'd recommend listening to Jacob George's album 'Soldier's Heart'.

Song I associate with them?

There are a lot of songs, but I the first one that popped into my head was A Conversation with Death by Khemmis. I think it really captures some of my strange feelings to his deaths and reincarnations.

Favorite Picture of them?

Hard to choose, but here’s a funny meme @sasukes-divorce-lawyer made a while ago that I love to bits. I just giggle when I see it.

[regrettablewritings]

Podcasts, Youtubes, and TV Shows to Distract Yourself With Because Why Not, and Also Because I Wanna Blab About Some of These

Since I can’t go to work and horrify my coworkers/make them realize I’m a mess and/or nerd by telling them about the type of media I’m into, I’m foisting my recommendations on all of y’all who choose to read this. I frankly do not care how many people have actually heard of these things because I’m also sure there’s plenty of people who, like me, are very slow and oblivious to entertainment, or who have heard of the property but were never that convinced.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts

Type: TV series

200 years after a mysterious yet earth-shattering event, much of humanity has taken to living beneath the surface in communities called burrows, wherein life goes on, if effected somewhat by the bizarre fauna that exists above them (referred to as “mutes”, short for “mutant”). One burrow girl, Kipo, founds her world turned almost literally inside-out when she finds herself not only separated from her father and the only world she’s ever known, but on the surface, no less. What ensues is her trying to find her way back home with the help of a stony-faced little girl with a massive chip on her shoulder; a music enthusiast and his literal gadfly friend; and some . . . unusual allies that only an oblivious optimist like Kipo could make. All to a kickass soundtrack, a beautiful backdrop of art, and a world where animals have basically evolved into gangs under a looming threat known as Scarlemagne. If you can’t already tell, I love this series to bits and now is the perfect time for people to get into it and encourage another season of it. Just . . . don’t think too hard that whatever happened to cause the Event in the show happened in October 2020 . . .

Available on: Netflix

My Dad Wrote a Porno

Type: Podcast

This should go without saying, but this podcast is definitely meant for more mature audiences. Or somebody with a strong stomach. Not that it’ll always be easy to tell with the type of content this series gives. When Jamie Morton’s father handed him his manuscripts for his self-published books, he had no idea he was being given a pinnacle of a polished turd: It was erotica. Really, really, really bad erotica. But the ear’s trash is the heart’s pleasure with this bad girl, as Jamie enlists the company of friends Alice and James to provide commentary on “Rocky Flintstone”’s series Belinda Blinked, a drama chronicling the sexcapades of Belinda Blumenthal as she climbs the ladders (and men and women) both in and out of the cut-throat world of pots and pans sales. What follows is a goldmine of awkward metaphors, strange bedmates, and just an overall stampede of whiplashing events that somehow exceed expectations. Listen in if you dare . . . And make sure you’re in good company for it. Fun Fact, though: Daisy Ridley, Ben Barnes, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Michael Sheen, Mara Wilson, Elijah Wood are but a few well-known fans of this series! Nobody is safe . . .

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

Lore

Type: Podcast

Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. And what better way to be reminded of that, then to have the dulcet tones of Aaron Mahnke tell you about the lighthouse incident that the 2016 movie The Lighthouse was loosely inspired by? Suffice to say, this podcast could also be interpreted with some advised discretion, but definitely in a way that’s different from My Dad Wrote a Porno. In the centuries humankind has existed, we’ve managed to create a menagerie of beasts, both fictional and in ourselves. Lore explores all the many different kinds of events and persons and creatures we have to offer. In any given episode, we could be talking about anything from the bizarre story of a lady who convinced 18th century physicians that she was giving birth to rabbits, to something more disturbing like the life of H.H. Holmes. Or something as relatively innocuous as the relationship between gremlins and flight. Regardless of the subject, however, you’ll definitely walk away knowing something new, if bizarre. And perhaps slightly terrifying.

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

The Amelia Project

Type: Podcast

Congratulations: You have been made aware of The Amelia Project. If you’re not interested in this, exit the page. Now. If you continue, there’s no unhearing it. Good choice! A new interest awaits. If you don’t enjoy it, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Okay but in all seriousness, there’s no way to do The Amelia Project justice in just a simple description. The plot sounds quite simple, really: People want to disappear and start a new life, The Amelia Project is there to help – with a price. And that’s if you can actually get a hold of them! What really makes the show, however, are the people and the writing, and I’m not just talking about the almost childlike Interviewer with an obsession for hot cocoa. I’m talking about the clientele: I’m talking about the macabre-obsessed theme park owner who’s out for revenge; the cult leader who’s in way over his head; a Santa impersonator stuck in a miserable marriage with his own manager; an actual podcast character trying to outrun his creators. And obviously this would all be nowhere without the spectacular writing! I really can explain this series without blabbing on and potentially spoiling things; The Amelia Project is an experience!

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

LegalEagle

Type: Youtube channel

To be frank, I just like learning for the sake of learning, even if I may not always necessarily understand the topic or have any plans to use it in the foreseeable future. The big difference here being that at least this channel makes learning about the law fun and breaks it down. Headed by a certified lawyer (because what an age we live in, where professionals actually take time out of their lives to teach us common folk), there’s a multitude of series D.J. Stone uses to help break down the complex world of law, from reviewing the realism of procedural favorites (Law & Order, The Good Wife, HTGAWM, etc), to analyzing real-life situations, to even watching childhood media that has nothing to do with the law and determining how much money, say, Willy Wonka would owe in a lawsuit. In short, it is one of my worst subjects done in one of my favorite ways to learn! Plus, Stone hates business students and is perfectly willing to poke fun at law students so it’s all fun, frankly.

Available on: Youtube

Nando v Movies

Type: Youtube channel

Sometimes, movies are bad. Sometimes, they’re good. And sometimes, they could use a few adjustments in hindsight. Especially the nerdier movies where the directors may or may not have tried way too hard or way too little. And that’s where Nando comes in: Whether it’s explaining why a different villain might have worked better for a hero’s origin story movie, or analyzing how one seemingly small adjustment could’ve potentially made more sense in explaining characterization, this channel is always providing a new perspective on a movie or show you’ve probably seen and maybe weren’t necessarily too pleased with. (Or maybe you were – I enjoyed Justice League okay but I love the version he rewrote more.) Oh, yeah: Sometimes he does rewrites of movies or even series. So if you’re anything like me and you’re way into that, this is a channel you don’t want to miss out on.

Available on: Youtube

DEATH BATTLE!

Type: Youtube channel

Does anyone remember Deadliest Warrior? No? . . . How about that one time during lunch where you and your friend got into it over who would win in a death match between Superman and Goku? Good news: A buncha geeks did the math for you and have come out with the results! Specifically, hosts Wiz and Boomstick have analyzed the weapons, armor, and skills of each combatant in every episode, resulting in an ongoing series of absolute nonsense and satiation of bloodshed. The description is admittedly nothing crazy, but the amount of detail applied is honestly where it’s at: From calculating how loud Black Canary’s screams are to approximating Scrooge McDuck’s speed (I’m not kidding you), there’s actual thought put into the characters being assembled and how they might fair with their respective combatant. And it all comes together for an actual fight, often animated but always amazing. So if you’ve ever wondered if Thor could beat Wonder Woman, or if McGruff the Crime Dog stands a chance against Smokey the Bear (I’m…I’m being honest), then this is the show for you!

Available on: Youtube

Sideways

Type: Youtube channel

If there is music in that movie or show, it will be analyzed to a degree that, unless you’ve been trained in music, you would’ve probably never thought about. There isn’t necessarily much rhyme or reason to Sideways’ videos in terms of themes beyond music, but really, must they? Is it not enough that this man is screaming to the internet these wack and awesome trends he’s noticed in certain pieces associated with movies and musicals and the genius behind them? Could life not just be him explaining the symbolism of the instruments associated with the Crystal Gems of Steven Universe, or breaking down the cultures explored by way of the Black Panther soundtrack? Also, here’s a fun drinking game: Take a shot every time he mentions leitmotifs or the Dies Irae.

Available on: Youtube

Craig of the Creek

Type: TV show

In the woods of suburban Maryland, there exists a kid’s utopia: A place where horse girls are free to roam the fields, where a boy can be a king of garbage, and where children travel the sewers completely unsupervised. That is, until the dinner horn rings; then they have to go home until the next time they can return to The Creek. The show focuses on one specific trio (Craig, JP, and Kelsey) as every day, The Creek (and their own childish naivete) brings them new hijinks to experience. There’s a blissful lightheartedness to the show, in addition to a lot of creativity that feels like it was ripped straight out of your own imagination as a child (robots made from cardboard boxes, building portals using lights, etc). But beneath it all, there’s something just plain wild brewing. I don’t want to spoil anything, but CotC has some G-rated GOT shit going on the further along the series goes and I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds!

Available on: CN app, wcostream.com

And that’s probably enough for now, I think. Lemme know if you want any other suggestions, or how you’re findin’ ‘em if you take any of them up! Stay safe, stay healthy my dudes!

[cuttoothed]

hey! I dunno if you're taking unsolicited podcast recs at the moment but I was just wondering if you've ever listened to 'I am in eskew'? I'm only like 8 episodes in so far so can't vouch for all of it but the first thing I thought upon listening was: right, so this is like if a radiohead album was a horror fiction podcast and so I think it might be up your street! hope you're well!!

Ahhh thank you so much of thinking of me! And especially for “radiohead album as horror fiction” how did you know that would be 100% up my street? <3

I actually have listened to some of Eskew! I started listening I think around the same time early S4 of TMA was airing - I even wrote an Eskew/TMA crossover fic early on (which was very gay bc it’s me). But I fell off listening to Eskew around the time it started developing a proper plot, which I think is around...episode 6 or 7?

I was really enjoying the disjointed surreal horror of it, but with the introduction of Riyo’s plot and the realization that “oh, this is a proper story about characters with actual emotional resonance” I had to admit that I didn’t have room in my sadness backpack for this alongside TMA S4 (which I think we can all agree was the saddest season of anything ever).

I have been very much meaning to get back into it at some point, since I do really want to know what happens with the characters, so thank you for the reminder! I’m not sure I’ll be able to listen while TMA S5 is airing (because...still sad...) but it’s definitely on my list to finish, as I’ve heard it has a very satisfying ending.

I’d love to hear your opinion of it if you listen to more of the series!

[atomicsuperhero]

Books That Influenced My Perspective

I didn’t write a gift guide because I feel like it's such a personal thing, and also that most of us don’t really need more stuff. But books are something that has been a mainstay in my life, and especially around the holidays. They’re an escape for me from the tension and stress that I associate with the Christmas season. 

So I thought I’d write about a few of the books I’ll probably be dipping into over the next few days between Christmas and the new year. I have read all of these in ebook format, so they’re not more physical clutter. Though, I’m all for gifting books, or buying them for yourself, in whatever form is preferred. 

I also listened to the Scotland Outdoors podcast this past weekend that talked about the Icelandic tradition of gifting books that everyone then runs off to read on Christmas Eve. It’s called Jólabókaflóð, or Yule Book Flood. It’s past Christmas Eve now, but it's still a great time to read.

Books change our minds and our perspectives, and these are four books that have had a significant impact on my life and how I view the world, nature, gardening, and mental health.

Rambunctious Garden: Saving Nature in a Post-Wild World by Emma Marris

This book was a real eye-opener for me. It delves into the paradox of wilderness and how there isn’t really such a thing anymore because we manage it so heavily. We strive for this pristine wilderness, which in reality, is based on a static historical idea we have of what wilderness should be. 

That “pristine” we aim for is always an idea of what nature looked like at a specific point in time, usually shortly after settlers and colonialists arrived. Generally, this view makes no account for the indigenous people who were part of this so-called wilderness long before we were. So the idea we often hold as “pristine wilderness” is also racist and erases the perspectives and existence of the indigenous peoples who already understood and managed the land.* 

That idea of pristine is entirely impossible to return to, for various reasons, not least of which is the fact that nature is in constant flux. Regardless of what we do, nature keeps changing. Even if all humans disappeared from the earth, it would keep changing; we can’t stop it.

We need to work with nature instead of attempting to return it to the landscape that Ansel Adams explored and photographed. Change is constant, and we must work with the change and do our best to counteract the adverse effects we’ve had on the world as humans. We must learn to coexist with nature. We could take many lessons from the people who were here before us settlers. 

This book is not a depressing, doomsday climate change discussion. It is full of interesting theories and ideas of how we could better take care of nature, as a global collective of humans, not just as individuals. 

*I don’t recall the book discussing indigenous perspectives. It might, or it might not. It's been over four years since I read it. If it doesn’t include indigenous perspectives, then I would probably detract a few points from it and advise you to read it with that in mind. 

The Old Ways: A Journey On Foot by Robert Macfarlane

This book connected with my heart and my head in ways that no other book ever has. I have read and reread and reread and copied entire chapters of this book by hand because it has affected me so much. 

This book showed me that writing about nature could be compelling and imaginative, and all-consuming as fiction. Previous to this book, I had separated non-fiction and fiction as “learn factual things” and “escape the world to a fantasy universe.” This book crossed that line and let me escape into a fantasy that was the real world, on another side of the globe. 

Don’t ask me why this is the first time I made this realization. I’ve read a ton of travel memoirs, which in hindsight, do precisely that: let me escape my life for a moment. But this one was the first one that made me really understand that it was possible to do this with nonfiction. 

I have since read several of Macfarlane’s other books, and they have all been beautiful and take me out of my current life and away into an obsession with nature. Most importantly, this book made me realize that the possibility of writing about nature was a real career that people did. And maybe that meant it was something I could do too. I can only hope to someday write as compellingly as Macfarlane.

Waterlog: A Swimmer’s Journey Through Britain by Roger Deakin

I learned about Roger Deakin through Robert Macfarlane’s books. All of Deakin’s books have made an impact on my passion for nature and the environment. But Waterlog has had a particularly profound effect on me. This book is probably the precursor to my adoption of nearly-daily cold showers as an anxiety treatment. This is another book that I’ve read and reread and copied passages out of by hand because I love it so much. 

This book, and The Old Ways, are my default escape books when I’m having a shitty day. Similar to Macfarlane, Deakin’s words make me feel like I’m there, in the exact moment he writes about. Like I’m stepping into the water, warm or cold, clear or murky, for a swim right with him. It makes me feel close to nature. It makes me feel comfortable and that it’s ok to want to retreat and be in solitude with the world by myself. It reminds me that I’m a piece of nature too. 

At the end of the day, nature doesn’t give two shits about my deadlines or financial worries; it just keeps keeping on. And so maybe the problems that are overwhelming my brain are rather insignificant in the grand scheme of life. Not in a: “I don’t matter, so what’s the point” way, but in a: “there’s more to life than this crap that I’m currently stressing about” way. It helps me remember that I am a human first and foremost and that capitalism is bullshit.  

The Jewel Garden: A Story of Despair and Redemption by Monty Don

I found this book after watching many seasons of Gardeners World with Monty Don. I’m obsessed with this show, and when the season ends in October, I watch old episodes to get me through the winter until it starts again in March. 

The natural progression of my obsession with wanting to be the Canadian version of Monty meant reading everything he’s written that I can get my hands on. This has been one of my consistent favourites. It was hard to read, in that it was an emotional experience for me. And it has been every time I’ve reread it since. 

But it has also given me hope. It has reminded me that gardening and plant care is consolation for my mind during the hard days of mental illness. It has given me hope that writing will get me through and that I can survive through the hardest days.  That however dim it may be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That no matter how dark it gets, the days always get brighter after December 21. 

And no matter what human drama happens in the world, plants are always growing. The best thing I can do for my own mental health is to be a good steward of the earth, tell my stories, take care of plants, and learn the lessons they teach me. 

How Books Have Improved my Mental Health Management

There’s a theme here. These books have affected the way I look at the natural world, where I fit into it, and how I write and interact with it, and as a result, have had an effect on my mental health. All of these books have given me new ways to think about my mental health and manage it. 

I would highly recommend reading any of these titles during the holiday season. 

I have not included links to purchase these books because I know that independent bookstores are really struggling right now, and I know that lots of people are also struggling right now. So if you do choose to purchase physical copies of these, try to find an independent book store. They’ll probably order it in for you if they don’t have it in stock. 

If you can’t purchase them, check with your library. Chance are good they’re in the library system somewhere, and your library will most likely be able to bring them in for you; just ask.