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thegreenlynx · 3 days ago

Text

Even If Only Pretend

Description: You're best friends but he's always wanted to be more. After a discussion with his friend Felix who is not a stranger to the act of submission to a woman, he realizes he is also in fact not above begging for it. But unlike Felix, he is also not above asking her to lie to him. Funny, the things love makes you do.

Pairing: The Devoted Loser Seungmin x Best Friend Fem Reader

Genre: smut, angst & hurt/comfort undertones, fluff towards the end

Content Warnings: virgin!Seungmin, slightly more experienced reader, sub Seungmin, soft kinky dom reader, big d!ck Seungmin, begging, slight orgasm denial, slight overstimulation, mocking/slight degradation, usage of restraints (bondage), usage of safe words (the color system), oral sex (both ways), unprotected p in v sex(obv NOT recommended irl), marking/hickies, an almost excessive amount of foreplay and buildup, Seungmin has a rather large praise kink, he also cries a little, suggestion of a potentially toxic relationship dynamic (Sm offers himself up as a toy for her to use for her pleasure, and begs her to pretend to reciprocate his feelings)

Word Count: 6.9k

A/N: This is part of my oneshot series Lonely Hearts, linked on the bottom of this post. This part was the original inspo for the entire series, it was originally just supposed to be a one shot but then I totally fell for all of the characters and had to write parts for the rest of the members too. That being said Seungmin's is essentially the origin of the series the rest function much like sequels (The stories of how the guys, who are single in Seungmin's part, eventually get their own gfs) and Felix's serves as more of a prequel (The story of how Felix, who already has a gf in Seungmin's part, landed his girl). This one is also arguably the second filthiest of the entire series, so there's that ig.

Seungmin has been your best friend for several years now. The two of you mostly live in your own little world together, one where no one else ever really matters.

Seungmin loves it, truly. He gets you all to himself, seldom ever having to share your attention with anyone else. You spend the vast majority of your free time with him. If you have plans the moment he has need of you you drop them. You enable him in more ways than is really healthy, you give him everything he could ever want, everything he asks for. If he doesn't like anyone you're talking to? They're dead to you.

In all ways that should matter, you are Seungmin's. You belong to Seungmin.

So what's the problem? Well you're not actually Seungmin's. Not in the way that he wants you to be at least. Not in the way that shouldn't matter. Really, he should be satisfied just being your friend and he tries. He really really tries.

But he just can't get over you. You're everything he's ever wanted. His person. His love. His soulmate. His everything.

He doesn't get to just get over you. It's just not in the cards for him. He's not that lucky. Instead, he spends everyday thinking of what it might be like to have you. Knowing full well it can never be.

And why exactly? Why is it so unfathomable that you may one day become his lover? Because you're way out of his league of course. The dynamic he's had with you has always been that of a dog chasing after its owner.

He's not the kind of guy that'd be your type. He's not the guy to come and sweep you off your feet or scare off other guys. To smooth talk you into falling into bed with him, before blowing your mind in ways you can only imagine.

He just whines, and stares at you like you hold his entire world in the palm of your hands. He follows you around holding your things. He gets excited every time you give him attention and when you're not he sits patiently beside you until you decide to.

Even now he silently combs your hair after a shower, carefully and gently gliding it through the strands as you hum quietly with your eyes closed in front of him. You're at his place, having decided to stay the night there. Without permission of course, but it doesn't matter. Just as you do anything he asks, he would do anything for you. And he lets you do anything you want.

You sit between his legs, one of your hands is playing with his pant leg absentmindedly. He does his best to ignore it and pay attention to your hair but he can't help but take notice of how perfectly you fit between his long legs.

You seem to be sleepy he notices, your head lulls back against his arm as he's combing and he chuckles softly before setting it down. He's already dried your hair for you, and you're in your cute mint night gown. You look like a perfect princess ready to rest for the night, he lifts you and lays you down on his tan sheets before shutting the light off and crawling into bed himself beside you.

He turns away from you to keep a respectful distance, but of course you don't let him actually stay far for long before you're snuggling up to spoon him from behind. Your smaller arms wrap around his middle and he melts in pure joy. Your warm breath brushes against his neck as you begin to hum again softly, with an aim to put his ever running mind to rest.

It works pretty quickly, after all you just have that effect on him. Despite how fast you make his heart race and his blood rush you also seem to be the quickest thing to calm him. He never has trouble sleeping with you around.

As he falls asleep he's surrounded by the loving hold of your warm arms, the comforting sound of your breathing, and your enticingly sweet scent.

The very next day he feels almost impossibly grumpy. He gathers with his friends to catch up but finds himself slumping into the chair in annoyance when he arrives.

"Uh oh, what's his problem?" One of his friends Jeongin asks. Though it doesn't exactly sound sympathetic, so he rolls his eyes without responding. The younger isn't really asking him anyway, and is looking at Felix like he ought to know the answer. But the man just shrugs not once looking up from his phone he's typing away on.

"I'm sure it has something to do with y/n. She's all he really thinks about." The rest of his friends also act as if this is only natural, which he supposes it is.

He makes no effort to defend himself, opting instead to slam his head on the table with an exaggerated groan. He hears Minho sigh beside him and a hand comes up to soothingly rub his back. "What'd she do this time?"

"She slept over again." He lifts his head to move it to rest on the other man's shoulder, who doesn't particularly react to the sudden intrusion of his personal space. "She played with my hair and kissed my forehead when we woke up."

Minho furrows his brows and looks down at him in confusion "Isn't that a good thing? It sounds like progression to me."

"No. She also called me 'buddy' before she left for work." He sighs and picks at the bread Minho has on a plate. He's still eating it but pays no mind to Seungmin's fidgeting.

"Oh ouch, that's gotta sting." He throws a piece of Minho's bread at Jisung when he responds, annoyed by his tone. The other dodges and exaggerates his offense in a way that only annoys him further, he closes his eyes and nudges further into the hyung he's made into a teddy bear.

"I get that she's super hot and all, but I don't see how she's worth all of this suffering day after day." Jeongin, the ever blunt and straight forward, states unhelpfully. "She called you buddy and your whole day is ruined, isn't that a tad pathetic? She's not the only girl out there, you're better off just switching her out for someone else at this point."

"You can't say that!" Jisung immediately defends, "He can't just give up on her. What if she's the only girl that ever actually wants to talk to Seungmin. He's lucky, especially having someone as great as she is. He can't just let her slip away."

Hyunjin spins a pencil around in his hand while considering before chiming in himself. "Jisung's right. Y/n is beautiful, she's smart, kind. Seungmin's not gonna find another girl like her, she's his perfect match." He turns to look directly at the sulky Seungmin. "She's obviously your soulmate, you need to fight for her. Win her over."

Minho had been thinking it over as well, but then turns to Felix. "Lix, you've got a hot girlfriend. How'd you pull her?

Changbin huffs and crosses his arms before glaring at the aforementioned starry-eyed younger "Min's right Felix is the only one here with a girl."

Jisung re-chimes in himself with a playful yet self-mocking "That's because we're all losers."

Chan hadn't once looked up from his laptop but he speaks firmly with his eyes locked on the screen. "Losers can still get girlfriends." He sighs clicking the backspace key several times far more aggressively than necessary.

"The real problem is Jeongin's too blunt and hurt's people's feelings, Seungmin's in love with his best friend and he's got the rizz of a dog someone accidentally left outside in the rain, Han's so socially anxious he starts stuttering the second a woman is within 10 feet of him."

He takes a calming breath and begins re-typing. "Hyunjin is overly sensitive AND falls in love too easily, Changbin is afraid of commitment and can't stick to a single woman to save his life, Min is so afraid of being hurt or left behind he deliberately scares off anyone who approaches him, and I am married to my job and suck at managing my priorities. We're all going to die alone and Felix and his girlfriend will laugh at our funerals."

"Man way to put a guy down." Jisung slumps in his chair with an exaggerated humph and a pout on his lips.

"We're trying to help Seungmin, not expose our faults to the world." Minho says grumpily, staring at the table in hopes no one notices the blush creeping upon his ears.

Felix then looks up from texting said girlfriend, "I begged."

The boy are all surprised at this, but Changbin speaks up first "You... begged?"

"Yeah, it sounds worse than it was. I pleaded and worked my ass off to get her to give me a chance. And now we're happy as can be. I think begging has a pretty negative association with it but honestly passionately conveying what you want and what you're going to do to get it can be pretty moving if you do it right. It's also very empowering when you succeed. I never feel like my girlfriend is too good for me or that I'm not enough anymore because I'm confident in my pursual of her." Seungmin can tell he's being truthful too, the confidence drips from him ever since she agreed. The man glows now, it's blinding.

Hyunjin lights up at his confession, "that's so romantic. It's perfect for you two too. If Seungmin submits to y/n and shows her just how much he loves her she'll be more inclined to let him into her heart." The man sounds so passionate about it, hearts in his eyes as if it's his own love story. Seungmin feels Minho grimace and physically shiver beneath him.

He ignores it. "You know..." He starts, a blush creeping up his neck. "You might be on to something actually."

Seungmin doesn't genuinely think you could ever return his feelings. However, he does know you care about him. He also knows that if he begs you might give him a little something, and quite frankly that's plenty enough. Anything is better than nothing. He's going to do it.

"Good idea, besides it's not like she's gonna hate you for asking. She loves you too much for that, the two of you are basically attached at the hip." Changbin reaffirms and solidifies his choice.

Minho sighs and wraps his arm around Seungmin's middle, "I'm not gonna tell you what to do, so if you really think it's a good idea then whatever. But be careful, okay? Don't hurt yourself."

"It's y/n we're talking about, she'd never hurt him." Chan remarks softly, eyes still focused on his laptop screen.

Seungmin finds himself smiling at that; you wouldn't, would you?

Not even five hours later and he finds himself in your room this time. You showered not long before he arrived, he can smell your shampoo in the air of your bedroom. You're wearing a green fitted tank tucked into a black skirt, hair lazily thrown up in a messy bun.

You look the same as you always do, beautiful relaxed and intelligent. Your eyes an intimidating contrast to your sweet personality. Even without doing anything you make him fall in love all over again, he is so screwed.

He normally does a good job of at least appearing calm around you. He's damn near mastered the ability to hide his feelings. But today is a little different, today he's restless. Nervous. Excited.

You notice fairly quickly, an eyebrow raising in concern as you look over at him from where you're casually leaning against your dresser. "What is it Seungmin? You look a bit on edge, did something happen since I saw you this morning?" You're straightforward, not beating around the bush. It calms him a little. He can do this.

"Not exactly.." he sighs and shakes his head, letting the soft strands bounce around his eyes. "I just need to talk to you about something, mind sitting down for a second?"

You do as told without responding, not hesitating even a little as you walk to the bed and sit at the edge of it. Seungmin follows closely but only stares with cute slow-blinking eyes as you pat beside you for him to join you.

He doesn't, instead he slowly eases himself to his knees in front of you. You tense, barely noticeable, and watch him move to the ground and grab your hand.

"I want-no, need. I need something from you." He states, his voice shockingly even. It hasn't failed him yet, he's still got this.

You're patient but direct, "What do you need from me?"

"I need you to pretend to love me tonight." His voice is firm with determination as he gazes up at you passionately.

"Pretend?" You seem surprised, but less at the idea of loving him and more at the idea of faking it. Seungmin doesn't read in to it.

"Yes. I want you to use me. Treat me like you would a lover. Do whatever you want with me. Anything at all." He squeezes your hand with narrowing eyes, attempting to steel himself for the harsh slap of rejection that still might occur. "I want to feel loved by you. For one night."

"...Anything?" You ask cautiously, a little bit of excitement sneaking its way into your voice. Yet you still hold back from showing any real indication of desire.

"Anything." His voice drops to a low murmur, he presses a sorrow filled kiss to the back of your hand. "Just let me have you this once. We can do whatever you want. Have your way with me, I'll be yours to use. We can pretend it never happened after and you don't need to do anything else beyond this. I'm not asking you to be mine tomorrow, only for today."

He repeats it once more to convince himself, like he needs the reminder to stay on his path. He rests the back of your hand against his forehead and closes his eyes. "Just for tonight, be mine."

"You really want that?" Seungmin doesn't reply verbally, opting to instead nod against your hand with his eyes still shut. He doesn't trust himself to not say too much if he responds any more than he already has right now.

"Well... there is something I've been wanting to try. But I haven't had a partner to do it with." Your eyes rake over Seungmin's body, your voice a thoughtful murmur directed more to yourself than to him. Your previous partners, few though they may have been, were all dominant. They weren't like your precious Seungmin, they'd never have given you control.

His eyes shoot open immediately. You.. haven't refused? You're actually considering it? And he didn't even need to start bribing you or anything? Of course he knows you would do basically anything for him, but despite his attempt at being confident even he thought this was a bit of a stretch. He sorta figured you'd just let him down easy and you'd both have to just pretend this conversation never happened.

"What is it? If it's something you'd do with a lover then I can play that part tonight, I swear I'll be good for you." He implores, lowering your hand back down to rest in your lap where he wraps it in both of his own.

You nod, squeezing one of his hands and taking it firmly in your own to guide him onto the bed beside you. He looks at you confused as you let go, stand up, and begin walking away from him.

"You nodded but you're walking away..." he mumbles trying to make himself comfortable on your bed despite his nerves. He leans back on his arms and watches you intently. "What are you doing? You didn't answer my question."

"Relax, I'm just grabbing something quick. I'll be right back. Promise." He waits patiently for your return in silence, watching as you dig through your closet for something.

Upon finding what you're looking for you return to the bed, he eyes the dark purple restraints in your hand in obvious shock. "Bondage? You wanna try bondage? Are you sure? This is my first time I don't know if it's best for you to be restrained, I honestly don't really know what I'm doing." He rambles, you let him for a bit while you attach the two restraints to the bed.

"I know. Don't worry you don't need to know what you're doing. They're not for me, they're for you." You smile down at him softly and push him down to lay fully on the bed. "That is, if you're okay with it."

"You mean it, you want me like this?" You nod and slowly pull off his shirt, prompting him to inhale sharply at being exposed to you. You admire him for a moment before positioning one of his arms back to where you can latch him in if he agrees. "God yes, please y/n. I want you to do whatever you want with me." That makes you chuckle in anticipation as you finally restrain the arm, making certain it is secure enough to hold him if he pulls but not tight enough to hurt him.

You do the same with the other while he gazes up at you feverishly, already excited. "Just one thing quick though before we actually start this."

"What is it?" He asks absentmindedly, not really paying attention as he pulls at the restraints and shivers at the appeal of being completely at your mercy.

You tilt his head back towards you with a careful hand, "we need a safe word."

"A safe word..?" He tilts his head at you in your hold.

"Some kinda system where I know to stop immediately if you need me to, someway to know if I've gone too far." You explain, wanting to be thorough but not trying to scare him. "Even if we don't end up needing it, I want it just in case. I don't want to hurt you, especially since this is your first time. I want you to be comfortable and enjoy this too."

"Oh.." He slides his feet nervously against the sheets, "That does sound like a good idea but I really don't know anything about this kind of thing."

"It's fine, what about the light system? Green means keep going, yellow slow down, red stop. Simple enough I would think." You say it softly, slowly tracing a finger lightly down his arm. You relish the way he shivers under your touch.

"Yeah.. that.. sounds good.." he breathes out between soft quiet gasps when you lean down to kiss his neck. You're careful at first, slow and tame soft pecks to let him get used to it.

You get bolder, leaving open mouthed kisses as you move inch by inch lower. By the time you're at his collarbone you're sucking marks into his pretty skin and you have him releasing muffled moans that he tries to keep inside by biting his lip. You pinch his thigh to get him to stop and he gasps a moan aloud.

You sigh in satisfaction and run your hands down his sides, while you continue your onslaught of painting him in pretty bruises all across his chest. You move your hands teasingly down his abs to his waistline while your kisses follow closely behind. As soon as you lay a kiss on his hip bone he jerks up at you with a louder moan, which causes you to giggle softly before sucking harshly on the same spot. "Mm! Y/n..."

"Yeah baby?" You pull away, looking at the beautiful painting you've created. You quirk your head coyly as you gaze down at him. "You want more now?"

He nods eagerly, looking at you with wide curious eyes. You lean down to press a sweet kiss to his cheek before moving to sit on one of his thick thighs. So perfect.

He gasps when he feels your unclothed thighs brush against his through his sweats, he pulls at the restraints to try to grab you, seemingly forgetting for a moment that he can't. He whines at his own helplessness and subtly moves his leg up against your clothed pussy.

It's cute the way he already seems to know what you want. Or perhaps it's just what he wants. Either way he's not in a position to give it to you. And so you act on it yourself, pressing your body more firmly against his thigh and watching as he gasps.

You slowly start rubbing yourself against him, letting yourself enjoy the pleasure of the fabrics rubbing against your most sensitive parts. Despite your ability to keep your composure, the idea of using your best friend has turned you on a lot more than you had expected it to. You can feel the wetness in your panties as you rub against him and it riles you up even more. You allow yourself to whine as you pick up the pace, nearing your high.

Below you Seungmin's already a mess, you're doing an excellent job acting like he's not even there and he's loving it. You're really using him, his body, to get off right now. His cheeks are flushed and he's panting, eyes wide watching your every movement.

You put your hands on his abdomen for leverage and move with purpose, your body quivering and clenching as you soak Seungmin's leg. He groans loudly as you cum, licking his lips and looking at you with the sweetest desperation in his eyes. He pulls at the restraints again.

You allow yourself to pant on top of him for a few moments, regaining your composure. But in truth you're far from satisfied, this is only the beginning. And so you ease yourself up to hover above his wet leg, sliding one hand off of him and slipping it between your legs under your skirt.

Seungmin chokes on a breath below you but you only hum, dipping two fingers inside yourself and then removing them. It stings and you crave more but ignore it in favor of paying attention to Seungmin, a different more filthy urge taking over when you see the thirst in his needy expression. "You want some?" You say, your voice teasing as you hold your wet fingers out to him.

His eyes widen, lips parting in an 'o', ready for anything you'd give him. His head nods quickly, mouth still open. You hum once more, pleased, and slip your fingers into his mouth. His eyes roll back and you feel the vibration of him moaning around your fingers. He sucks on them and looks up at you but you pull your fingers out and move your hand away.

He whines loudly in response, desperation oozing from his lips, his hips bucking up wildly to try and get friction. "Wait y/n... M-more, please..." he desperately pleads with you. Eyes shiny with newly formed unshed tears.

"More? More of what?" You ask curiously, wanting him to be honest about his desires with you. "What is it you want Seungie?"

His breath is shaky. "Pussy, you taste so delicious." His hips stutter up again. "Please y/n"

You giggle looking down at him, "Okay baby." You maneuver off the bed and pull your tank out from where it is tucked into your skirt, observing his expressions as you pull it over your head. His mouth falls open again and you smile as you slip out of your skirt. "You sure you're ready? Gonna make me feel good puppy?"

You toy with the band of your panties and wait for him to answer, "I'm ready, I've been waiting for this so long... You look so good..."

Satisfied, you pull the wet panties down and leave them on your floor, watching Seungmin moan and thrust his hips again. You note the large outline of his cock his sweatpants strain to hold and giddily undo your bra, letting it fall to the ground.

Climbing back on the bed, you move on top of him. You push your hands to his chest and press a kiss to his forehead before slowly working your hips up to hover above his face, hands now above his head. "Such a good boy, my good boy."

He whines back and lifts his head up to meet you hungrily, tongue slipping from his lips to lap at your folds clumsily before you've even lowered down. You are barely in reach of his tongue and he groans in irritation and thrashes against the restraints, wanting to taste you fully.

"Such an impatient puppy." You softly chide, despite lowering yourself down to give him what he wants anyway. His tongue quickly slips between your folds. You expect him to not know how to please you so you are prepared to teach him, you move a hand to his hair with a pleased hum as he hesitantly licks your entrance. "There baby, that's good for now."

He follows your directions with a muffled moan, slipping his tongue inside you and assaulting you with it over and over. Having already reached a high, you're sensitive and shiver at the lovely yet painful pleasure. He devours you like a dog would a treat, desperate and eager. Yet he's still gentle and you can feel the love he has for you with every moment of effort to get you to release again.

You decide then that dragging this out too much isn't really what you want. After all, there will be other opportunities for that. And so you lift yourself slightly. Ignoring his whimper, you use the hand in his hair to pull his head back to force him not to chase you and slip the other to spread yourself to give him easy access to your bud. You tap it with one finger and guide him verbally. "Here Seungie, suck here and I'll give you your treat."

This prompts him to nod obediently, you move back to have yourself in reach of his mouth and he immediately gets to work. He licks it teasingly a few times before getting impatient and sucking, softly at first. You jerk at the sudden and unfamiliar feeling. You only get toys to give you pleasure like this, all your previous partners jumped right to the main course and never got you to cum at all. The few experiences you'd had you'd spent the nights feeling sad and unsatisfied. All the more reason to take advantage of Seungmin's sweet offer. A spark of anticipation and joy tingles up your spine. He's just so perfect.

You need the build up, the foreplay. You like to take it slow, really feel it, feel your partner. You like the intimacy and the trust that it involves, it's not just sex for you. You know it isn't for him either. He doesn't even have to tell you for you to know why he offered this in the first place. You already know, you've known for a while. It makes you crave it even more, a string of moans bursting from your lips as you close your eyes, pressing yourself into his lips unconsciously as you reach your second orgasm.

As you soak his face Seungmin chokes and moans beneath you, trying desperately to drink up what you give him but it's clear that he was surprised and he can't take it all. At least yet anyway. You give yourself only a moment to breathe before pulling yourself off and away from Seungmin to give him some room to calm down.

"Y/n..." A soft whisper sings in front of you.

You look at him from the end of the bed where you sit on shaky knees, "Yeah?"

"Pants off... Pants off please." Pleading, strained, and so very needy he begs, thrusting his hips up at you in a daze.

You aren't trying to torture him so you pull them down quickly. He thrusts up at the exposure, dick sliding out of the fly hole in his underwear. You gasp at the sight. Longer and thicker than you'd expected, redder at the tip then you've ever seen and wet. So angry you almost pity the man. Almost.

You look up at his face to see him breathing heavily, chest heaving. He's already staring back down at you with a new wild desperation in his eyes that makes your core clench in a way that is both satisfying and agonizing.

You don't say anything, pull yourself back up to kiss him gently once on the lips. Allowing him the feel of your lips on his for the first time. And then you finally free him of his underwear, too tight to ever comfortably hold him at his hardest.

He shivers when you run your hands along his hips, moaning when you curve yourself down ass-up. Your face is in his crotch pressing feather light kisses around his dick, so close he can feel your breath against his member but never once touching it.

He gasps, then chokes on the air, thrusting up with a muffled whine as he bites his lip to try and be good for you. He doesn't want to rush you, even though it hurts so bad he can hardly think. Because it also feels so good, and he finally has you, he wants to savor this moment before it ends. He won't make you hurry up; he will be a good boy for you, just like he promised.

You look up at him through your eyelashes and laugh lightly in slight mockery at how pathetic he looks. Just how you'd wanted him. Pliant and desperate to please. The perfect good boy.

He blushes, but you don't give him much time to be embarrassed before you finally lick at his length. Short kitten licks, gentle so he can get used to it. He doesn't of course, gasping and moaning loudly with each one as if they are the first. You work your way up his shaft slowly to his tip, but he still doesn't relax.

You pull away and laugh softly again, you can tell he is confused, eyes bleary and unfocused. He whimpers and chokes on nothing again when you pull away, pulling at the restraints weakly to try and get to you. "Color."

A long pause. "Mm?" You can almost hear the gears turning in his head, but he doesn't give you a color he just bucks his hips and pulls a little harder at the restraints. The whine is loud and especially pitiful now.

His face is no longer confused but anxious, terrified. You know he thinks you're leaving, that you don't want him anymore. That maybe he messed up and you hate him now. That's just how his mind works. You want to fix it, to reassure him and make him feel good again. But first you need to know. He seems a little out of it, so you need to make sure.

"Color Seung. No color, no continue." You run a soothing hand along his thigh and grab his hip gently pushing him back down with the other. "It's so simple puppy, just gimme the color and I'll give you what you want. Not continuing till I know you're okay and you remember the safe word."

"Oh.." He finally relaxes, tense limbs falling limp. His dick twitches, which you find only slightly confusing and mostly terribly amusing. "G-green, y/n" He gasps for air , trying to get his voice to work the way he wants but it's rough and strained from the never ending throbbing of his dick. "So green. Please don't stop.."

You flash him a wide smile, proud. "Okay baby, thank you." You ease yourself back into position and lightly lick his tip, watching his reaction closely. He throws his head back with a loud moan, and you're almost surprised when more pre-cum leaks out onto your tongue.

His eyes widen a little and he looks back down at you almost embarrassed, you wonder if maybe he's worried you'll dislike it. So you lick your lips and he moans again.

Having satisfied your need to play with him a little, you finally take his tip fully into your mouth. He lets out an embarrassing mewl in response, and you have to pause slightly and breathe heavily through your nose. Both to prepare for the rest of the length that's about to intrude your throat but also to prevent yourself from laughing again.

When you are ready you finally ease down more, running your tongue slowly along the shaft as you do. You realize you're never getting it all the way in and opt for half so you don't hurt yourself. Seungmin continues his plethora of moans and whines as you begin to suck, gasping with each brush of your tongue.

It doesn't take him very long to get close to release and you make sure to pull away. And exactly as you expect he whines pitifully at you, you half expect him to glare when you raise yourself up to meet his eyes but instead his eyes well up with tears.

"W-why...?" He mumbles shakily. You ignore the question and kiss away his tears as they glide down his face.

"Sorry baby, just one second." You let him catch his breath as you continue your feather light kisses on his soft cheeks, leaving a final kiss on his nose when you think he's finally calmed down.

"Color?" You ask it softly, a whisper this time as you look down at his ever-angry cock and then back up to watch his expression.

"Green," he starts. "Can I...?"

"Can I...?" You mock, wiping a new tear off his cheek. "Can you what puppy? Get it out."

"Wan' inside you." He barely says it, so quiet you can hardly hear it. You resist the urge to press him further, opting to just laugh at him instead.

"We were gonna do that anyway pup, that's why I stopped and asked for your color." You shake your head slightly and fondly run your hands through his hair. "Just making sure you're ready."

"I'm ready." He smiles dreamily up at you, happy to have your attention. It's adorable.

"So sweet." You kiss his brow, reaching down to feel the muscles in his arms, checking for strain. "Such a perfect puppy, always so good for me." He lets out the moan you expected him to give you, and you can't help but smile again. "You want the restraints off baby? Wanna touch me?"

His eyes light up and he pulls against them, to which you urge him not to with your hands. "Really? You'll let me..?" He cuts himself off with a lick of his lips. "Please, please take em off."

And you do exactly that, removing him from his shackles and giving him a few moments to grab at you. He runs his hands up and down your sides, whining at the dip in your waist. His left hand moves around to grab a handful of your ass and you have to bite back a moan. It tumbles past your lips anyway when his other grabs your breast, palm lightly brushing your sensitive nipple.

He gasps at your moan, eyes narrowing in focus as he seems to try to get another out of you. He grabs your hip and pulls you closer onto his lap, you gasp as his dick slides against your folds, you leave it there.

His hand on your breast focuses more on your sensitive spot, pinching it between two fingers and giving a light twist. You whine softly and grind your hips against his shaft below you, which prompts him to stop, overwhelmed by the feeling of your wet heat sliding against him he freezes and moans. You use the opportunity to position him at your entrance, moving both of his hands to your waist for him.

"I'll go slow." You whisper softly, he nods dumbly and you smile as you ease yourself onto him. He's bigger than anyone you've taken before, so the stretch is almost painful at first. You whine in sync with Seungmin as his grip on your waist tightens. It hurts, bad. It's gonna leave marks. You let him do it anyway.

You keep to your word, slowly sliding to allow him to be fully buried inside you. He throws his head back when your hips finally meet and he groans with his eyes closed tightly. You pause for a moment aiming to adjust to his girth, but your pussy clenches him in a way that has him gasping and whimpering.

"Ah.. ha.. so good..." he moans out when you finally raise yourself to begin slowly bouncing on him.

You allow yourself to drown in the pleasure of it all, the way his tip hits just the right spot every time you lower yourself, the sting of his fingers digging into your waist, the way he sounds beneath you. Whiny, submissive, and just so good.

You're surprised at yourself when you feel the third orgasm approaching, maybe Seungmin is just what your body needs. You pick up the pace, the friction quickly sending you both teetering over the edge. Sensing his orgasm approaching you go to pull off but he inhales sharply and removes his hands only to wrap his arms fully around you and hold you on his cock. "W-wait Seungmin-"

His whines completely mask your desperate plea as he thrusts harshly up into you with the desperation of a mad man. You can barely process what's happening when you feel yourself clench again and you cum hard around his cock. He follows immediately and holds you even tighter, milking himself into you like it's his entire life's purpose. Like he may die if even a drop doesn't make it into you.

When the cum finally stops pumping into you he relaxes, but keeps you securely in his hold. He closes his eyes in exhaustion but he refuses to let you go.

"W-we should clean up." You try to reason, voice shaky from exertion. You try to pull away to get up.

He shakes his head, flipping you down to be pinned beneath him. "Please... Please don't leave me. I'm terrible, I'm a liar. I can't do this. I need you please don't leave me." A tear drips onto your face and you gasp before pulling his head towards yourself.

"I was never going to leave." You sigh, holding his head to your bare chest. "Perhaps I should've made that clear from the start, I'm sorry I got carried away. Did you not like it?"

He shakes his head against your chest, "I loved it, I just don't want it to end.." He shifts to hold you like a precious jewel in his arms, head still buried in your chest. "I thought I was strong enough. That I could just be thankful, be satisfied with this much. But I'm not. I'm a greedy selfish man and I want you all to myself. Not just today but until it's no longer physically possible."

His heartfelt words make you smile, you squeeze him against you in your arms and laugh joyfully. "Well in that case you're in luck, I don't want it to end either."

He lifts his head to look up at you in shock. "You.. you don't?"

"No, I only agreed to this cause I wanted it. And I never had any intention of allowing this to be a one time thing, even from the very beginning I was going to make you mine. If anything I'm the selfish one. You're already mine Seungmin" You whisper the last part in his ear and he shivers, a blush appearing on his cheeks.

"I've always wanted to hear you say that. That I'm yours. More than anything in the world I've wanted to hear that." He kisses your forehead slowly, closing his eyes as if to savor the moment and the feelings behind it.

"I'll keep saying it then." You press a kiss to his lips. "Until it's no longer physically possible."

"I'd like that..." He whispers back, the happiest smile you've ever seen on him taking over his face before he confidently pulls you into a deeper kiss, one that showcases the longing he's tried to hide from you for years.

It's a kiss to remember, the first where Seungmin finally takes what he had always wanted and the first kiss after you'd finally expressed your own feelings. You no longer have to pretend you don't know exactly how he feels about you. Seungmin no longer needs to walk through life thinking you're some unattainable dream. Together you'll walk hand in hand through everything as the team you'd always wanted to be, but couldn't yet bring yourself to create.

The team you were meant to be.

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Taglist: @my-neurodivergent-world @possum-playground @m-325 @lixies-favorite-cookie @loxgirl2004 @seungmins-strawberry @queenofdumbfuckery @reignessance @skybluelixie

#kim seungmin smut #kim seungmin x reader #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids oneshot #skz oneshots #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #mdni please #fumi's works 👾🩵👾

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brinasheqrt · 1 day ago

Text

Overthinking

pairings - sabrina carpenter x fem!reader

wc - 1.7k

warnings - mild angst, spiralling(?)

You tell yourself it’s fine. That people get busy. That performers on international tours probably don��t have the time to FaceTime their girlfriends every day. Or even every other day.

But when it becomes seven days—seven—with no call, not even a half-asleep voice note or a badly typed “love u,” something shifts. And your brain, ever the dramatic little gremlin that it is, decides to do what it does best:

Panic.

You’re not mad. That would be easier, cleaner, safer. You’re something worse. You’re convinced she’s slipping away.

It starts subtly, in the quiet moments.

You look at your phone a little too often. Open your messages just to stare at the last one she sent—a red heart, a week ago, after her Madrid show. You imagine her typing it fast, distracted. Maybe half-smiling. Maybe not.

Then you check her Instagram.

Bad move. Always a bad move.

She looks radiant, of course. She always does. New post from Berlin: her on stage, glitter under her eyes, hand reaching toward a sea of lights. Caption: “thank u for making my dreams real.”

Nothing about missing home. Nothing about missing you.

And that’s when your mind kicks into high gear.

Maybe she’s grown out of this. Maybe you were a good in-between. A soft place to land before the next chapter started. You, with your overthinking and your silent panics and your inability to just chill.

You hate how quickly you spiral, but there’s no stopping it now.

You sink into the couch and stare at the wall like it might blink first. It doesn’t. It’s blank. Still. Just like your phone.

You start replaying every conversation from the last few weeks. Was she distant last time you talked? Did she rush off the call? Did she sound bored? Did she stop saying “I love you” with that softness in her voice?

You remember the last call. She was in bed, face barely lit by her phone screen, eyes heavy. She smiled at you. Said she missed your voice. Said she wished you were next to her.

But maybe she didn’t mean it. Maybe she was just tired and saying what she thought you wanted to hear. Maybe the tour, the crowd, the adrenaline—it’s all more alive than you are to her now.

You’re not fun. You don’t dance like her backup singers or laugh at the right moments in interviews. You’re just here, in a quiet apartment, too many time zones away, loving her like it’s a full-time job.

Maybe that’s too much.

Maybe she needs something lighter.

You lie down sideways on the couch, blanket wrapped around you like armor. Your stomach hurts. Your chest is tight in that way it gets when your feelings outgrow your body and start pressing against your ribs, like they’re trying to break out.

You tell yourself you’re being dramatic. But that doesn’t help.

You wonder if she’s met someone new. Someone who understands the chaos of tour life. Someone beautiful and magnetic and not lying on a couch somewhere, crying into a hoodie that smells like her perfume.

You try to text her. Delete it. Try again.

You settle on: “Hey. Hope tour’s going okay.”

But you don’t send it.

It feels weak. Or maybe you do.

You end up typing and deleting so many times that your fingers go numb.

Eventually, you just stare at the wall again. White. Quiet. Unchanging.

It’s weird how loud a blank space can be.

You think about your life.

About how you used to be fine before her. Not happy, necessarily, but stable. Safe in your routines. And now? She’s rewired your entire nervous system and you don’t even know if she remembers to miss you anymore.

You think about all the people who say, “If they love you, you’ll know.”

You did know. At first. Every call, every kiss, every sleepy “baby, I don’t wanna hang up yet.” It was so clear. You never had to ask. Never had to wonder.

But now?

Now you feel like a question she hasn’t answered in days.

The wall still doesn’t move.

Neither do you.

You fall asleep at some point—restless, dreamless, curled in on yourself like a bruise.

And then your phone buzzes.

It’s 2:17 a.m.

Unknown number.

Your heart stops. Then jumps.

Voicemail.

Sabrina.

Your fingers shake as you hit play.

“Hey. Hi. Um… okay. I suck.”

She laughs, breathless and soft. The kind of laugh that only comes after running or crying or both.

“I’ve been trying to call all day and it just… didn’t happen. We had back-to-back shows and the WiFi’s garbage and my voice is gone and I miss you so much I almost cried during soundcheck.”

A pause. A long, shaky inhale.

“I know what your brain’s probably doing right now. You’re spiraling, aren’t you?”

You exhale sharply. God. She knows you.

“I hate that I let it get to this point. I hate that I disappeared. I didn’t mean to. I just—I didn’t want to call you when I only had five minutes. I wanted to really talk. But five minutes became a day, and then the days stacked up, and now it’s been a week and you probably think I don’t care.”

Another pause. Softer this time.

“I care. I love you. I love you so much it’s actually ridiculous. I’ve been falling asleep thinking about your voice, your face, the way you roll your eyes when I leave dishes in the sink.”

You smile, tears burning behind your eyes.

“I haven’t stopped loving you. Not even for a second. I just forgot how loud silence can sound when someone’s waiting on the other end.”

Her voice cracks a little.

“Please don’t let your mind tell you you’re too much. You’re perfectly much. You’re my favorite overthinker. My favorite everything.”

She exhales. “Okay, I have to go. But I’m gonna call again tomorrow. For real. We’ll talk as long as you want. Or say nothing. Whatever you need. I just… I love you. So much.”

The message ends.

And you just sit there. Staring at your phone.

The wall’s still there. Still blank. But somehow, it feels less cruel now.

You wrap the blanket tighter, curl up on the couch again, and let yourself cry.

Not because you’re broken. Not because you’re panicking.

But because someone who loves you knows what your brain does, and calls anyway.

⸻

#sabrina carpenter #sabrina carpenter x reader #wlw #soft angst #sabrina carpenter x you #sabrina carpenter fluff #sabrina carpenter angst

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savvyscribbleswriting · 1 day ago

Text

Pairing: Logan Howlett/Wolverine (specifically worst!Wolverine) x fem!Reader

Summary: You’re in the middle of a horrible date when you decide to make a bet – you can pick up any other guy in the restaurant by simply handing over your panties. Fortunately, that guy happens to be Logan (who may or may not be spying on you with help from Wade).

Word Count: ~7.0k

Genre: Smut (18+; MDNI!!!)

Warnings: no use of (Y/N); strong language; slow burn; some angst; suggested sexual situations; real sexual situations; public sex (in a bathroom); mention/fondling of breasts; vaginal fingering; oral sex (female receiving); looking at sex in a mirror; no panties; toxic first date

Author’s Note: This is my third story and first with smut. 😮🥵 It’s been on a mind for a while, but I haven’t been able to post it until now because a.) I wanted to finish my prior, unintentional duo stories (please go and read those!), b.) I’ve been busy with a play, and c.) I wanted to make sure I did this right. I hope you enjoy it!

P.S. I DO NOT OWN ANY PERSON/PLACE/THING THAT IS REFERENCED, PARTICULARLY BY WADE WILSON!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You fiddled with your jewelry before smoothing out the flyaways in your hair one more time in your bedroom mirror. You then moved back to see yourself fully. Your favorite dress hugged your figure perfectly and showed off your legs with its short skirt. You nodded in approval.

Suddenly, you heard banging on your front door, followed by, “Police! Come out with your hands up!” You rolled your eyes and took your time getting the door. You already knew who it was.

You moved into the apartment complex about a year ago. You were in the middle of unpacking, blasting your music, when you heard someone knocking on your door. You quickly turned the music down and went to see who it was, dreading getting a noise complaint already. Surprisingly, you came face to face with a man covered in scars named Wade Wilson. Instead of getting onto you, he happily turned the music back up, helped you unpack, and became your best friend.

When he told you about himself - his job (a sort of assassin-for-hire), his scars (he was once part of an experiment gone wrong that wound up giving him enhanced healing abilities) and his twisted sense of humor (he was just like that) - you didn’t exactly believe him. You soon realized that there might be some truth to him when one day, out of the blue, he came back with a hunk of a man who Wade claimed was from another timeline. The hunk in question was Logan. According to Wade, he kind of messed things up in his world and was given a chance to start over in this one. You were more than happy to help whenever you could, however you could.

Somewhere down the line, you guess you fell in love with Logan. He was good-looking in a rugged way and was in great shape for someone his age (which Wade joked was WAY more than you thought), but it wasn’t just that. Sure, on the outside he seemed gruff and unapproachable, and sometimes he actually was. Once you got to know him, though (or once he got to know you), he loosened up. You would even go as far as to say there was a real soft side to him. You didn’t forget how he teared up at Howl’s Moving Castle during movie night a while back. You slowly went to his hand when you first noticed and he held on tight, eventually loosening his grip but opting to draw lazy circles instead of letting go. You wished he would touch you more, whether it was holding hands, hugging, kissing, slowly going down there…

But it was never going to happen. You were sure of it. That’s what tonight was about – getting over Logan. You finally hopped on one of those dating apps and, after some scrolling, matched up with someone named Blane who was handsome, a successful businessman, and loved travelling. He recommended a fancy restaurant downtown that you had been wanting to try out for forever, and he even offered to pick you up. It was to be your first date in a long time, so you spent all day getting ready. You were so engrossed in your routine that you totally forgot about movie night.

Sure enough, the person at your door was Wade, dressed in his comfiest “Snoopy” pajamas with popcorn, candy, and chips overflowing in his arms. Behind him was Logan carrying a case of beer.

“Sorry to disturb you, ma’am,” Wade went on as he entered your space, “but we heard that you were having a double feature movie night of the incomparable Molly Ringwald and we had to come over and investigate.”

“Fuck,” you groaned under your breath.

“Hello to you, too,” Logan said with a smirk. You blushed and looked away as he walked past.

“You look nice,” he commented, taking in your appearance. He was so used to your more casual clothes. You always looked so comfortable and cute, for lack of a better word. Tonight, you were downright gorgeous. It took him by surprise.

Then again, you were full of surprises. That’s why he liked you.

Logan really liked you.

He liked you so much that he decided that tonight was the night he was going to straighten up his adamantium spine and finally ask you out on a -

“Thanks. I’m actually going on a date.”

Your voice pulled Logan back to Earth. His face contorted into confusion. Did he hear you right?

“A date?”

“Yes,” you confirmed, closing the door and going over to check your purse on the wall. “I met him on one of those dating apps. He’s taking me to that restaurant I keep talking about downtown.”

“Are you seriously ditching me, Wolfman Jack, and Ms. Ringwald for some boy?!” Wade asked, his hand dramatically on his chest.

“I know! I’m really sorry!” You rushed over to him, getting on your knees to beg. “But he seems like a great guy. And this is the first date I’ve been on in God knows how long. I thought it’d be something different for me. You know I wouldn’t forget movie night unless it was for something really important.”

Wade sighed. “You could’ve at least invited me.”

“You know I’m not into three ways, babe.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.”

You smiled and patted his knee. You looked up to Logan, who was still holding onto the beer but with a scowl on his face.

“Logan?” you asked, moving back over to him and gently touching his arm. “Are you okay?”

You might as well have touched him with a hot poker because he swiftly moved over to the couch to set the beer on the coffee table. “Yeah. Fine.” He didn’t look at you once. He just plopped down and helped himself to a bottle. You stood there in semi-shock. He had never been so blunt with you before.

“So, who’s the lucky man?” Wade asked.

Oh, right. Your date. “Blane,” you answered.

Wade’s eyes widened. “Blane?! What kind of a name is Blane?! That’s an appliance, not a name!”

As he talked, you quickly pulled out your phone and pulled up his profile. You flashed it to Wade. “God, he even looks like a tool,” he scoffed. “What do you think, pookie?”

Wade nudged Logan, who barely looked at the photo before giving a small nod and turning back around. You sighed. He was upset, you figured. Why, you had no idea.

You didn’t have time to pry further, though. According to your phone, you had a text from Blane saying he was a couple of minutes away from you.

“Shit! He’s almost here! I should probably go.”

You grabbed your purse and double-checked that everything was there. Before you made it to the door, you heard, “Ah bup bup!” Wade was up in a flash and turned you around to face him.

“Before you go, young lady, phone.” He held out his hand and you reluctantly handed it over. He easily opened it up (you should really change your password). “I’m going to turn on ‘Find My Phone’ in case you get kidnapped and I need to kick ass,” he explained. You rolled your eyes but didn’t stop him. Wade eventually gave your phone back. He suddenly gasped. “Oh, and I’m giving you these…!” He reached into his pajama pants and fished out a roll of condoms. Your eyes widened. “In case you get lucky and get pounded in the ass by the tool.”

“Thanks, Wade,” you said, hesitantly taking the roll and placing them at the very bottom of your purse. “Um… have fun with Molly. Raid my pantry, if you want. It’s the least I can offer.”

“You can expect your s’mores Oreos to be gone by the time you get back,” Wade promised, opening up for a hug. You eagerly gave it to him.

“Love you,” you whispered in his ear.

“Love you more,” he replied.

Before you left, you looked to Logan and tried one more time. “Goodbye, Logan.”

A curt nod in your general direction was your only response.

Your lips formed a straight line, but you quickly shook it off. You weren’t going to let this ruin your night. You gave a nod of your own and a “see you later” before finally leaving the apartment.

It was time for your date.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Somebody oughta punch his fuckin’ lights out,” Logan mumbled under his breath.

He and Wade were about halfway through Pretty in Pink (and Logan was halfway done with the beer), and every time James Spader came onscreen Logan had to make some comment that wished horrible pain on the teen villain. At first it was amusing for Wade, who simply shoved popcorn into his mouth as he went back and forth between the entertainment onscreen and the entertainment Logan was providing.

Of course he knew about Logan’s crush on you. He knew the second you two met, how Logan’s eyes looked you up and down with intense curiosity. As time went on, he noticed that Logan was gentler around you, a bit calmer. You were good for him. Wade also knew that you were crazy about Logan, which is why your date came just as much as a surprise to him as it did for Logan. He felt bad for the poor guy. That feeling was running thin, though, the more Logan just sat on the couch not doing anything but drink and moan (and not in a fun way).

Sure enough, when James Spader came on screen again, Logan growled, “Fuckin’ kid. What would he know about treating a girl right?”

That was the last straw for Wade. He grabbed the remote, hit pause, and turned criss-cross-applesauce to the poor man.

“You’re in love with her and hate that it’s not you she’s with right now on that date.”

Logan cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

“You’ve got super-hearing, honey badger. You heard me.”

Logan didn’t even bother turning around to address Wade. “I am not-“

“Yes, you are,” Wade quickly countered.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Logan tried to reach for the remote to resume the movie, but Wade was fast. He continued, “I see how you act around her. You do anything she asks. ‘Come with me on a grocery run?’ ‘Sure!’ ‘Help me fix my sink?’ ‘Why not?!’ ‘Can you rip your heart right out of your chest with your claws?’ ‘As you wish, princess.’”

“Will you stop with this?” Logan shook his head, trying not to give into the fact that everything Wade was saying was true.

“And the looks that you give her! I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her. You look at her like she’s a goddess!”

“Shut up.”

“You look at her like you want to rip her clothes off and impale her with your rod of adamantium steel!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Logan snarled, his beer bottle threatening to break with how hard he was holding it along with his emotions.

“Oh my God! Do I have to draw a picture for you?! You look at her like you want to fuck her!”

That was the last straw for Logan. However, instead of using the beer bottle, he tossed it against the wall with a growl and jumped across the couch to gut Wade with his claws. After taking a moment to recover from the surprise attack, Wade smiled and said, “Looks like you’re going to have to help her clean her couch, which you were probably going to do anyway, which not that many people would do. That’s love, bitch.”

Logan wish he had it in him to really shut the merc-with-the-mouth up… but deep down he knew Wade was right. He slowly retracted his claws and moved back to his end of the couch. He took several deep breaths before letting it all out.

“You’re right. You’re right, okay? I love her. I love her so goddamn much it’s killing me that she’s with that prick instead of me.”

After a minute, Logan felt a hand on his shoulder. He dared to look up and saw Wade, who was still spilling blood but already recovering, giving him a genuinely sympathetic look.

“It’s not too late, Logan,” Wade said gently.

“Yes, it is,” Logan whispered.

“No, it’s not! I bet you everything I have that she wants you, too. Even (deep breath) my precious Mary Puppins.”

Wade quickly pulled out his phone and went to the ‘Find My Phone’ app. He held the results up to Logan’s face. “Look! She’s still at the restaurant! It’s not too far from here. We can leave now, sneak in, sit a reasonable distance away. Just to see how the date is going. If it’s bad, you can swoop in and save her. I’ll even activate the sprinklers so you can have your Notebook kiss-in-the-rain confessional like that other Ryan guy! Come on! Let’s go get your girl!”

Before Logan could respond, Wade hopped up and quickly helped Logan out of your apartment, out of the building, and into his car. Logan’s mind was going about the same speed that Wade was – stupidly fast. He was usually so courageous, not afraid to face any type of danger. This, however, was scaring him shitless.

Getting to you was only half the battle. What if he stepped in to save you but said the wrong thing? What if he said the right thing and you still rejected him? Worst of all, what if you were on the best date of your life?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was the worst date of your life.

You saw him standing on the passenger side of his car looking expectantly at the door when you first stepped outside. The person matched the profile, thank God. You skipped up to him and offered a big smile and handshake.

“Hi, Blane!”

“Hey, you!” he said, grabbing you by your hand and pulling you in for a hug. You were taken aback by this gesture, but quickly brushed it off to return the hug. Maybe he was just really affectionate, like Wade in a way.

“That’s a nice dress,” he whispered in your ear, his hand slowly making its way down your back. This was not like Wade. This was more than you were ready for so early in your date. Before he could reach your ass, you quickly pulled away and took a big step back. You forced a laugh to relieve any tension and he returned it. Crisis averted. Or so you thought…

Things got worse once you got to the restaurant. It was a lovely place, better than you thought it’d be, with beautiful landscape paintings on almost every wall and candle centerpieces on each table. Getting to your table wasn’t the problem; it was the fact that it took a bit longer than usual for a waiter to come by to get your drink order.

When one finally did come by, a kid who looked like he was working his way through college, he quickly apologized. “Hi, you two! My name is Roger. I’ll be your waiter for this evening. Apologies for the wait time.”

“Finally!” Blane exclaimed. “I thought I was going to have to shoot myself in the head just to get your attention.”

The remark startled the poor boy, who recovered as quickly as he could. “I’m sorry, sir. One of our waitresses had to leave because of a family emergency and I-“

“And I don’t care,” Blane interrupted. “All I care about right now is getting a drink.”

Again, Roger was surprised, as were you. Where the hell was this attitude coming from?

You turned and gave Roger an apologetic look. He simply nodded, took your drink order, and rushed to get it out to you two. He also rushed to get your food order back to the kitchen and out in front of you. As he turned to help another table, Blane grabbed him by his apron and pointed down at his food.

“What is this?” Blane asked.

“Your steak, sir,” Roger answered politely.

Blane rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not. Because I ordered my steak rare.”

“I believe it is rare, sir.”

“Well, I know that it’s not.” Blane then picked up the plate and shoved it into Roger’s hand. He then shooed Roger off while saying, “Go get me another one.”

You looked at Roger again, this time mouthing your apology. He nodded again before heading back to the kitchen. You really should’ve talked to Blane about his behavior. But you couldn’t because was just. Always. Talking.

When he wasn’t being rude to the wait staff, he was being rude to you by not letting you get a single word in. When he wasn’t talking about how much money he was making for his company that was ranked tenth in an industry you couldn’t care less about, he was talking about all the different places he’s been to that had the best alcohol or drugs or good-looking women. When he wasn’t bragging about having lunch with a guy who dated a girl who may or may not have rubbed shoulders with some son of a senator, he was going on and on about how his last girlfriend was a needy psycho who wanted him to spend quality time with her and do things like attend family functions and get-togethers with friends.

“And that’s why I like you,” you heard him say, his voice cutting through your thoughts about how sweet your potatoes tasted. “You’re such a good listener.”

It’s not like I have much of a choice, you thought to yourself, opting to actually say, “Um… thank you.”

“I gotta be honest, though, you look different than your profile.”

“Different… how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he started, “you look nice, but you’re profile picture makes you look hotter. Maybe it’s one of those photos from a few years ago or something. Don’t worry. It’s not going to stop me from taking care of you later.”

You blinked at him. “’Taking care of me?’ What does that mean?”

“I think you know,” he said smugly.

“What makes you think you’re going to ‘take care of me’ later?”

Blane scoffed. “Well, why not? I mean, I’ve been a gentleman. I’m paying for this meal. Why shouldn’t I get a little something in return?”

Oh, hell no.

You finally snapped.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You’ve been harassing a poor kid who is trying his best! You’ve been talking your head off this entire night! You tried to grab my ass before I even got in your car! You call that being a gentleman?! I call it being a grade-A asshole! I can’t believe I ever agreed to go out with you! You are nothing but a stuck-up, narcissistic, sexist little bitch!”

You breathed deeply after your mini-monologue, staring Blane right in the eyes. His jaw was hanging open so much you thought it might hit the plate where his new steak was. Suddenly, Roger was next to you setting down a fresh vodka tonic. “A refill for you, ma’am,” he simply said. As he turned around, he caught your eye, winked, and mouthed, “On the house.” You smiled and took a long swig of your drink.

Blane eventually straightened up in his seat and cleared his throat. “I may be an asshole, sweetheart, but you’re still going to go home with me. I mean, what’s the alternative? You go back to your sad apartment and spend the night alone?”

“Or, a third option,” you proposed, taking another sip of your drink, “I find someone else. Someone who might actually be able to fuck my brains out.”

Blane chuckled. “That’s cute.”

“You think I can’t do it?”

Roger must’ve put something in your drink because the next thing you knew you were rising out of your seat, grabbing the lining of your panties (a nice lacy pair that you only wore for special occasions), pulling them down your legs, and holding them firmly in your hand.

“See these?” you asked. How could he not? You were holding them right in the middle of the table and his eyes were as wide as saucers. You leaned forward and talked so only he could hear you. “I bet you I can hand these to any man in here and he’ll take me in the restroom and rock my world better than you can even dream of doing.”

Blane took a big gulp and stuttered, “I-I’d like to se-see you t-try.”

“Fine,” you responded. You then took a good look around the restaurant, your eyes scanning every man in sight. The more you looked, though, the more scared you got.

What the hell are you doing? you scolded yourself. What do you actually think is going to happen? Some guy you barely know is going to just blindly follow you into a public restroom after you hand him your dirty underwear? And what if he does follow you? What would Logan think?

Wait, Logan?

You leaned forward a bit in your seat and squinted.

Sure enough, there sat Logan at the other end of the restaurant in a booth with his date, Wade.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wade managed to get him and Logan a good booth by making quite a scene. Not only were he and Logan a “couple,” but Wade was suffering from a rare form of testicular cancer that was going to kill him within a couple of months. The hostess took pity on him and gave the “couple” a free first round of drinks and a free appetizer. Wade was munching on potato skins while Logan tuned his super-hearing into the conversation between you and Blane. He was amazed at the ego the guy had, going on and on about this and that while you stared off into space.

“Anything juicy going on?” Wade asked.

“Just him talking about his ex,” Logan replied. “He said she tried to get him to go to her grandmother’s birthday instead of letting him play golf with some client.”

“What a bitch!” Wade gasped, taking a big bite of another skin. “The guy, not the girl. Men can be bitches, too. I’m an equal-opportunist.”

“She looks miserable,” Logan said under his breath. He didn’t know whether to feel sad or happy about that; sad because you deserved way better, happy because it meant he still had a shot.

“Go over there, then,” Wade said.

“No.”

“Yes!”

“What the hell would I say?”

“Say that you were in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi.”

“Why would I be in the neighborhood? Tonight is supposed to be movie night.”

“We ran out of Oreos and you went out to get more,” Wade suggested as he sipped his martini.

“Why would I go all the way downtown for Oreos?” Logan turned to Wade.

“Because I asked you to.”

“Why the fuck would you ask me to go all the way downtown for fuckin’ Oreos?”

“Do you have to poke so many holes in my story?!”

“Do you have to be such a shit-for-brains?”

“At least I’m putting suggestions out there! You’re just sitting there looking at her like a lost puppy. Or, kitty? Because of your tuffs? No, no, a puppy. Cats could give two shits about people… which can be you sometimes.”

“Just shut the fuck up,” Logan commanded, slowly turning back around to catch you leaning forward and talking forcefully to Blane. Before he could tune into what you were saying, Wade piped up again.

“Just go over there!”

“Not until I know what’s going on.”

“Tell her she completes you!

“No.”

“Tell her you’d kill for her!”

“No!”

“Tell her you burn for her!”

“Will you stop-?!”

Suddenly, Logan felt a presence next to him. He slowly turned around and there you were, staring down at him. He’s heard people talk about wishing that a hole would come up from the ground and swallow them whole because of severe embarrassment, but he’d never experienced the feeling himself… until now.

Wade darted his eyes back and forth between you two. For once, he didn’t dare interrupt the moment. He was on the edge of his seat.

Finally, you took a deep breath and shoved something into Logan’s hand before darting off. Logan wanted to stop you, but curiosity over what you handed him got the best of him. He looked down, and his brain automatically short-circuited.

You handed him panties.

You handed him your panties.

His wide eyes quickly found you again. Your head was turned to him as your body faced the hallway that led to the restroom. You tried to look cool, but Logan could see the anxiety in your eyes. You nodded in the direction of the restroom before turning around to complete your journey.

Wade and Logan looked at each other, spared a fleeting glance at a stunned Blane, then darted right back to where you had just been.

Logan had to be dreaming. There was no way you were doing what you were doing, suggesting what you were suggesting, unless it was in some sick, delightful fantasy of his.

And yet, he found himself getting up and following you.

He just hoped this fantasy had a happy ending.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You took a huge sigh of relief when you got into the ladies’ room. Not only had you gone through with your stupid bet, you realized that this restroom wasn’t a community one. It had one toilet, one sink with all sorts of fancy soaps and lotions, and a big mirror. You were thankful to have some actual privacy (as much privacy as you could get in a public place).

You closed your eyes and let everything sink in. It was out of your hands now. Logan would either come or not. A part of you desperately hoped he would.

There was a gentle knock on the door that startled you like a gunshot. “Yes?” you answered as evenly as you could.

“It’s me. Logan.”

You gasped softly. You quickly turned and put your hand on the doorhandle. You stopped short of turning it, though, to steel yourself with another deep breath.

You slowly opened the door. He walked inside, meeting you in the middle of the room. You stood about a foot apart from each other.

“Hi,” you whispered nervously.

“Hi,” he echoed.

There he was. Logan. The man who you’ve been pining over for forever. Only he wasn’t how you knew him to be. He seemed… shy. Scared, even. While a part of your felt relieved that he felt the same way as you, another part of you ached for him. You didn’t like seeing him this way. He needed to relax.

You moved a bit closer to gently touch his arms. He closed his eyes for a moment, like he was forcing himself to loosen up, which he eventually did. You continued to boldly move up to his shoulders, his neck, and eventually his cheeks. Your thumbs moved back and forth against his facial hair. You could feel his jaw lock for a second before relaxing. He even moaned a little. You moved even closer, so close your chests were touching.

“Logan?” you beckoned.

He dared to open his eyes. He didn’t seem scared anymore. He seemed to be looking at you with adoration, desire. The realization made you smile.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Logan whispered, his own smile forming as his hands slowly made their way to your hips. He gave you a few gentle squeezes that made your heart flutter and your legs tremble. You closed your own eyes at the sensation, your breathing becoming quick.

Fuck it, you decided.

You finally took the plunge and met his lips. Logan returned the gesture with fervor, your lips molding together perfectly. Your arms wrapped around his neck as his hands went to your back to bring you even closer to him. You don’t know what came over you, but you began pushing Logan back to the wall. Your hands swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, your fingers feeling the fabric of his tank top before moving underneath to feel his hot skin and abs. His eyes shot open in surprise before closing again, trying to slip back into the moment. He then remembered something and opened his eyes again.

The mirror. It was showing him holding a beautiful woman, who was now kissing and sucking on his neck. It was a lovely view, but he could think of something better.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, stopping your movements.

“Nothing,” Logan assured you. “Just look.” He turned you around so you could see what he saw. His arms were wrapped snugly around you. Your hands were right on top of his, securing his hold. You looked right together, like you really fit.

“You are really something, you know that?” he whispered in your ear. He kissed the side of your head before moving to your neck, licking and leaving his own marks. You closed your eyes in pleasure. Your soft moans gradually got louder as his hands moved to your breasts. Your nipples rubbed against the inside of your bra, aching to actually feel his big hands. You settled on the feeling of him switching between gentle and rough squeezes.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this. Wanted you. Ever since I met you. So sweet. So gorgeous.”

“Oh, Logan,” you gasped. “I want you, too.”

“Yeah?” Logan cocked an eyebrow. His hands unexpectedly moved away from your breasts to make a painfully slow descent downwards. “How much, sweetheart?”

“So much,” you answered quickly, hoping it would make Logan go faster. He took his time, though.

His left hand went one way, pulling up your dress to reveal your pussy. The cool air against it made you shiver and shut your eyes tighter. His right hand hovered just above it. Your hand went over his, trying to move it where you needed him most.

“Please, Logan,” you pleaded.

“Please what?” he teased, his hot breath making you shiver even more.

“Please… Please…”

“Come on, baby.”

“Touch me.”

“Open your eyes.”

You somehow found the strength to obey him. As soon as you did, he slipped a finger inside. You gasped and let your jaw hang open. One of your hands shot up to meet the back of his head, your hold tightening and loosening in time with his movements. He pumped just the one finger inside your folds, slowly, deliberately. His other hand held you in place against him. You forced your eyes to remain open to watch the obscenity of it all. His eyes then met yours in the mirror. His hair was wild because of you and his breathing was harsh against your neck, like he was doing everything in his power to hold back his baser instincts. He was still an animal, though, and you loved it.

After a couple of minutes of this, Logan asked, “Do you want more?”

“Yes!” you exclaimed, nodding your head vigorously.

With a cocky grin, he said, “Play with yourself for me, baby.” You forced yourself to do as he said. Both of your hands went to your breasts, trying to mimic how he made you feel earlier. It wasn’t the same, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was that Logan was satisfied at the gesture. He slipped another finger inside you and you moaned happily.

“Keep your eyes open,” he cooed. “Keep them on me.” You obeyed yet again. Logan pressed kisses into your head as his fingers moved a bit faster, a bit harder.

“God, you’re so wet. Just for me, right?”

“Yes! Yes, Logan! Only you!”

During one particularly hard thrust, you moaned loudly. You quickly bit your lip to stifle the sounds. Logan chuckled.

“Careful,” he warned you as he continued. “You don’t want us to get caught, do you?”

“No,” you managed to say.

“You’re doing so good for me. Keep it up and I’ll let you be as loud as you want when we go back to your place.”

The weight of the situation and each of his words suddenly hit you like separate bricks coming from all sorts of directions to create the metaphorical ton.

It was the fact that you were actually getting fingered by your dream guy

It was the fact that this was happening in a public place.

It was the fact that he had no intentions of stopping.

It was the fact that you were almost at your peak, which was great for your pussy but bad for your heart that wanted more.

It was the fact that Logan confirmed there’d be more.

It was the fact that you didn’t know if he meant more sex or more to your relationship.

Logan effectively shut up your brain by adding a third finger to the equation that began circling your clit. One of your hands that was on your breast went back up to his hair to pull hard. He growled and bit hard on your neck in response. You nearly screamed, but Logan was quick and stifled it with a deep kiss.

“Are you almost there?” he asked against your lips.

“Yes,” you breathed into his mouth.

He thrusted his fingers one, two, three more times before tearing himself away from you. Before you could even process what was going on, he knelt down in front of you, pressed you up against the wall by your hips, lifted your leg up over his shoulder, and dove face first into your soaking cunt. Your hand flew over your mouth to cover up the filthy sounds you were making as Logan’s tongue explored your juicy flesh. As soon as he met your clit, you came hard. Logan took everything you gave him. He decided right there in that moment that nothing tasted better than your cum.

By the time he cleaned you up entirely (smart move on his part, you thought in hindsight), your breathing had become less ragged. He slowly lifted his head up and set your leg back down on the ground. He took a long look at you from below. Wade was right; you were a goddess and Logan worshipped you. You finally opened your own eyes and looked back at him.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked.

“No,” you answered. Logan’s face twisted into concern, which made you break out a smile and giggle. “I’m fucking amazing.”

Logan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Good.” He came back up to you for a kiss, which you happily gave him. You could feel the remnants of your cum on his facial hair. You pulled yourself away from him long enough to wipe it away with your fingers and then lick each one of them clean.

“You are so fucking hot,” Logan said, mesmerized.

“You mind telling that to my date? Maybe along with a ‘thank you’?”

“Why would I even want to speak to that prick?”

“Because if he wasn’t a prick, I wouldn’t have made my stupid bet and this probably wouldn’t have happened.”

“Bet? What bet?”

Your eyes widened in horror. Oh, right. He didn’t know and you didn’t tell him. You looked down in embarrassment, but he caught you by your chin and made you look back at him.

“Hey. What bet?” he asked again, gently. The gentleness didn’t help ease your shame or nervousness. Your lips trembled as you tried to take a deep breath. Tears threatened to come out, but you forced them back as you forced out the truth.

“Blane was being a total jerk and he basically told me he expected me to sleep with him after our date. I told him I’d rather be with anyone else and made a stupid bet that I could hand my panties to any man in the restaurant and he would fuck me in here. I don’t know what came over me or if I’d actually go through with it if it were someone else. But then I saw you and I was so relieved. And please don’t think I did this just because of a bet! I’ve liked you for a long time but I thought you only saw me as a friend! That’s why I went out on this fucking date in the first place! But I want you, Logan! Please believe me! I don’t just want this, what we did in here! I want more with you! I want to be with you! Please don’t-!”

Logan shut you up again, this time by pulling you by your waist and giving you a hard kiss. You were hesitant at first, unsure of the meaning of this. You eventually melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck like before. He tongue demanded access to your mouth and you granted it. If this was the last time you were to be in close proximity to him, hell in any kind of proximity to him, you wanted to make it worth it.

Logan eased up on you and pulled his head back, never letting you out of his sight or grasp.

“I want you, too, sweetheart,” he finally admitted.

“W-What?” you asked, your brain still in a fog. “But… But I-“

“Do you know why I’m even here tonight?”

You opened your mouth to answer but promptly closed it. You actually didn’t know.

“Wade and I were trying to watch the movie and the fucker called me out on my bullshit. He knew I liked you, too, and convinced me to come here to watch over you and maybe try and steal you away from your date. I wasn’t gonna make a move, though. I didn’t know if you wanted me. Or even if you did, I thought I’d screw it up somehow. Then you did what you did…” He then pulled your panties from the pocket of his jeans and held them up high in front of you. You blushed. “And then we did what we did…” You blushed harder. “It’s all fucking crazy, I know, but I guess it beats not happening at all. I got you, baby, and I don’t want to let you go.”

You dared to look at him for any trace of dishonesty. You didn’t find it. He still looked at you with adoration and desire.

He wanted you.

Logan wanted you.

“What a fucking night,” you sighed.

“Tell me about it,” Logan added.

You both chuckled at the absurdity and luck of the entire situation. Logan took your panties and put them back in his pocket, giving it a nice pat. He then leaned in for a quick kiss, which you gave him without hesitation.

“Shall we?” Logan asked, holding his arm out for you.

You nodded with pride. “Absolutely.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Blane was just minding his own business when a certain Mouth slid into the empty seat across from him.

“Hi! Blane, isn’t it?”

“Um…”

“Fantastic! Wade Wilson, Matchmaker. So, here’s the thing, Blane, you are a certified douchebag who does not deserve the sunshine and sweetness that is my best friend. Therefore, it brings me great pleasure to let you know that your date is officially over. I mean, it was over when she approached my other best friend and handed him her undergarments, which are really cute. (I need to ask her where she shops.) Anywho, as I speak, he is in the restroom with her, definitely giving her the dick-down of a lifetime. And I don’t imagine it will be the only one of the night. I do imagine, though, that they’ll be done soon, which means you will have the great opportunity of watching as they leave hand in hand like the power couple they are. I recommend leaving while you can to take care of yourself back at your chic yet empty and sad penthouse apartment with the flesh light you keep next to your bottle of Viagra and hidden copy of hentai. Just don’t forget to leave some money for the bill. It’s the least you can do for being such a dickwad.”

If Blane was stunned before, he was flabbergasted now. The knife was twisted even deeper when you and Logan emerged from the restroom, hand in hand like Wade predicted. Logan’s shirt was still open, revealing his tank top that revealed his fit form. The flushed look on your face and the bite mark on your neck were hard to miss. You both had shit-eating grins as you walked to the table.

“Hey, kids!” Wade greeted you. “Blane and I were talking about dessert. Care to join in?”

You and Logan looked at each other before you responded, “Thanks, but I think we’re good. We’re just going to head home. Blane, I hope I never see you again. Good night and goodbye.”

You swiftly led Logan and yourself out of the restaurant. Wade and Blane watched Logan lean in next to you and whisper something (probably about how you were already a dessert for him) that made you giggle like a schoolgirl.

Wade could’ve sworn he saw some tears form in Blane’s eyes before the man threw down some money and rushed out in the opposite direction.

“Toodle-oo, Blane!” Wade called after him. He then scrooped up the money to count it properly.

Roger eventually came back and asked, “Is everything alright, sir?”

“Are you kidding?!” Wade exclaimed. “My two best friends are finally together. Another spoiled manbaby is going home with crap in his diaper. And there’s enough money for the bill plus beignets for dessert! You bet your ass everything’s alright!”

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Author’s Note 2: Electric Boogaloo: Thank you so much for making it to the end! I ask that you NOT post this story as your own, please. Instead, give it a like/review/bookmark/reblog/all of the above wherever you read it.

Archive of Our Own

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kaaaaaaarf · 1 day ago

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So @moonysbookshelves is absolutely insane and created this incredible bind of the hatefuck series that has me on the fucking floor.

In the linked instagram post, she took a picture of the box/bind on the condom shelf in Shopper's Drug Mart, which aside from making me cackle, of course made me think of the scene in back when we were dinosaurs where wolfstar try to buy condoms. Since my mind was already blown wide, I decided to write a little extended version of that scene. This is for you, Rachel — you beautiful soul.

Snippit:

Eventually they do make their way to the condom aisle. Remus bends to pick up their usual box of Trojans, but Sirius stops him, noticing something unusual on the middle shelf. "Wait, what’s this huge box? I’ve never seen a condom package so big before.” “That’s what she said.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “Ha-ha, no, but actually. Do you think they’re on sale or something?” Remus turns the box over in his hands. “HATE FUCK by epicblueblanket. I don’t think I’ve seen these before."

whole thing is under the cut:

The doors to the local Shoppers Drug Mart swish as they slide open, blasting the pair of them with a frosty gust of air. Remus bends to grab a basket and they walk in companionable silence, hand-in-hand, passing aisles of various health and beauty products. Remus is just about to turn them down the aisle with condoms and lube, when Sirius suddenly pulls him in the opposite direction, marching toward the snack aisles like he’s on a mission.

"Important question, Remus. Why are chocolate baking chips always on sale for two dollars, but yogurt costs nine!?” he stops, turning toward Remus and presenting him with a bag from the shelf they just passed. “Why is this bag of KitKats eight dollars!? Why, Remus!? Why?"

Remus' face takes on a distinct look of panic. "Uh…Galen Weston?"

"GALEN FUCKING WESTON! Jesus."

His look of trepidation morphs into curiosity as he spins around, seeming to have just registered where they are. "Okay, remind me. Why are we over here? The condoms are not in the chip aisle."

Sirius gives him a blank look. "I need a snack for after."

"You need a snack for after we fuck?"

"Yes, obviously. It's an important part of the ritual. The rituals are intricate, Remus."

"Okay, well...I'd rather not think of our love making as a ritual, but sure. Add them to the basket."

"Can I get some Milk Duds?"

Remus sighs heavily, put upon. "Yes, okay. But grab that bag of KitKats, too."

"A rich man. I have chosen well."

“That’s what she said.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, “Ha-ha, no, but actually. Do you think they’re on sale or something?”

Remus turns the box over in his hands. “HATE FUCK by epicblueblanket. I don’t think I’ve seen these before."

“Hmm.” Sirius peeks over his shoulder to read the side of the box, “Ultra-Thin, Almost as Good as Barebacking…Flavours approved by Remus Lupin himself?!”

Remus drops the box as if he’s been burned, letting out a little squeak.

“WHAT—I—I DIDN’T APPROVE THIS!!” he yelps.

Sirius picks up the box, breaking the seal and peaking inside. There are five, thin books, each designed like condom wrappers. He spins around to see if anyone is watching, but there's just a woman at the end of the aisle looking at Advil. “Weird, who put this here? And how the fuck do they know who you are?”

“This isn’t some elaborate prank you’ve pulled is it?” Remus has backed himself into the allergy medication behind them, boxes falling off the shelves as he presses himself against it in shock. The woman down the aisle tuts disapprovingly before moving into the next aisle.

“What?! No, of course not. I wonder what these books are about.” Sirius cautiously opens the first one, skimming what seem to be text messages between himself and James. He doesn’t remember sending these…he skips a few pages to a block of prose. “Sirius. Sirius, please. I need it—I need you to fill me up.” He was whimpering now and Sirius wasn’t sure he’d ever heard a more appealing sound.” His brow climbs higher and higher with every word. “I mean I do like when you whimper, but is this what we actually sound like?"

“Sirius, put it back, okay. I don’t know what that is, but it can’t be good. Let’s just go…”

He ignores Remus, who has begun tugging at his free hand urgently, “You’re such a dirty fucker." he continues, "You’re my dirty fucker, fucked loose. I’m gonna fill you up. You want that? — Oh my God, this isn’t even good. If someone is going to invade our life and our privacy they could at least make it sexy.”

“You’re offended? Someone is stalking us and you’re offended?!”

“I mean, I’m decently horrified.” he mumbles distractedly, eyes scanning the page. “Oh, why do I keep calling you a cunt? That’s so out of character. Like, please, mild-mannered ladies man by day, absolute cunt by night. — I’d never say that.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” Remus frowns.

He points an accusing finger at his boyfriend, “That’s what you said in the story!”

“Sirius. I’m not joking, please let’s just go.”

“Alright, alright.” He puts the box back on the shelf and jogs after Remus, who is now half way across the store, using his long legs to speed walk toward the exit. “No, wait! Remus! We need to go through the check out first.”

“Sirius…” he pleads.

Sirius pouts, “I need my snacks.”

Remus stares at him blankly for a long moment. Long enough that Sirius thinks he’s going to ask him to leave again, but instead he sighs, “We do need the condoms…”

“Right then.” Sirius grins, sending a salacious wink as he nods toward the self-checkout. “Come on you cunt, let’s go.”

Remus shudders, “Never call me that again.”

#fic: hatefuck #fic: museum #rachel tag #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders #epicblueblanket

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trickster-archangel · 2 days ago

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Am I mad that we only got told by a twitter post, as an afterthought after all the upsurge of indignation for the treatment reserved to Sam Wilson as Captain America, that he indeed had already assembled the Avengers offscreen?

YES.

Do I consider it not just sloppy and weak writing, breaking the SHOW DON'T TELL rule even the worst fanfic writer knows?

YES.

Do I think that with little minimal creative thinking, they could've used either (or both) CABNW or TB* post credit scene to show exactly this process?

YES.

But boy. C'mon. CABNW has its weaknesses, but this is ALL on the TB* creative team. The movie could've answered this question and many other....yet today we're still fucking wondering (and waiting for the next A/N to appear in a tweet):

WHEN the fuck did Bucky got elected?

WHY did he choose to run for Congress?

WHO eventually decided to put him there?

WHICH is exactly his role in the Congress?

HOW did he get elected?

WHERE do his political opinions and goals stand?

Did we even get any fucking explanation about this WHOLE MESS of a career?!?

NO.

Jesus. I hate to admit it, but somehow such a pathetically bad writing makes me consider actually acceptable that Somehow, Palpatine returned....

#anti thunderbolts #bad writing #show don't tell #sam wilson #captain america #sam wilson is captain america #cabnw #bucky barnes #the Avengers™

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myfanfic-urfantrash · 2 days ago

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What happens during their(yes their) pregnancy announcement...part 1 of????

Cw: pregnancy, vomiting

Based off this series of posts.

A/N: Follow up crack/not for the original cracks :V

Dunno if I will make more but I just wanted to write these.

-------

Diluc

When Diluc announces one day to his staff at the Dawn Winery that he is with child they automatically assume that you've finally decided to have children and congratulate you both. But when someone asks who will be the one carrying and Diluc begins to flush muttering out a strained "Me." all hell breaks loose.

Adelinde starts fussing over him while the rest panic wondering if he's drunk the very alcohol he makes and what would cause him to do that. It takes you cheerfully explaining that through divine intervention Diluc is now carrying your child. Now you said that in an effort to calm them which is what should have happened if it weren't for it doing the exact opposite mostly because they know Diluc doesn't exactly lie about these sorts of things.

Moco and Hillie catch a fainted Elzer, while the rest of the staff flounder and lose their minds over the entire situation. Diluc hides his face in his hands sitting on the couch at Adelinde's insistence that he care for himself and the baby. Someone screeches that they have to contact the church no one able to stop them in time.

No more than an hour later does a tired Jean, amused Kaeya, and a flustered Barbara as well as the one who ran out earlier walk through the door. Diluc groans as Kaeya teases him about the situation not exactly believing him to be pregnant like the panicked employee said but congratulating him anyways.

Jean congratulates him as well but let's him know they brought Barbara to examine him at the insistence of his staff and if only to clear the supposed misunderstanding. But as they all find out during her examination he is anything but joking and that he really and truly is pregnant.

Elzer who had just woken up faints again at the news. Both Kaeya and Jean stare at him wide eyed and he curses their not-so-absent god.. Kaeya pats his shoulder wordlessly congratulating him again before tripping on his feet and joining Elzer on the floor.

Diluc and you share a look.

It could have been much worse.

And it is as you find out days later that now the entire city of Mondstat believes he's having an immaculate conception. Venti cheerfully praises Barbatos for this miracle when he sees him and Diluc has never wanted to strangle him more than he does now.

Kaeya in all of his wisdom believed that the little potion he drank that night wouldn't have gotten him pregnant. But here he is vomiting in a trash bin at work while Albedo takes his vitals and jots down a few notes about his condition and Diluc stares at him like he's biggest fool there is. Jean walks in with Lisa pushing in a cart carrying a set of minty tea and some light snacks.

"You would think drinking a potion that was made to induce pregnancy in yourself you wouldn't be surprised that it did result in pregnancy." Diluc comments and Lisa rubs Kaeya's back as he glares at him. "None of that. I made you some tea it'll help settle your stomach.

Albedo takes the trash can from his hands before handing him a moist towel and a liquid to clean his mouth. Jean passes him a cup of the tea when he's finished freshening up.

"While this whole situation is a bit...odd, we'll stick by you the entire way. Congratulations to both you and your partner." His wonderful partner being you who has taken it upon yourself to perform his duties for the day as he felt unwell. He sighs. Albedo hands him a copy of his notes as well as an empty journal to record his symptoms and progress through his pregnancy.

Lisa hands him a book filled with baby names and as he gets congratulations from his fellow knights he gets a little overwhelmed. He's simultaneously happy but uneasy about it all. Eventually everyone clears out of the room leaving him and Diluc alone. Diluc breaks the silence with a sigh.

"As much as I don't understand what made you do this. You and your partner are more than welcome to spend your pregnancy and more at the winery. And should you need anything at all...you can rely on me to be there."

"Congratulations Kaeya."

#genshin impact x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader

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lolathelooptyloop · 3 days ago

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us against the world, just me & you !!

summary: college! and early 2000s! jackieshauna thoughts. no crash! au

warnings: not proofread at all like at all, at all, very light/implied nsfw, short

a/n: okay i've spent enough time posting random shit, time to fulfill my true calling of making wlw headcanons. i just finished s3 (rip mari ibarra rest in pit 😔) and seeing jackie in her pink and green early '000s housewife fit made me wanna write something where they go to college and live happily ever after. again this is very much not proofread (i literally wrote it in like 20-30 minutes) but enjoy regardless and hopefully i'll post a real fic soon.

so obviously in this universe shauna never slept with jeff or got pregnant, but i think she still had early acceptance into brown university

this obviously caused some ...tension... between her and jackie the summer before college

shauna tried really hard to hide it at first but eventually at a joint family dinner her mom brought it up while jackie was sitting right across the table from her

jackie stayed calm but crashed out after dinner when she and shauna were in private

she wasn't even mad about the acceptance she was just mad shauna kept it from her

"why would you lie to me about that?? you do know i would've been proud of you... right?"

and then shauna starts apologizing but also lowkey bringing up stuff that jackie does that made her feel like she had to keep it a secret because

y'all know my girl loves to not communicate her feelings until it's too much

and jackie starts to realize how they've both been hurting each other and how she really, really doesn't want shauna to leave her and go to brown, which causes some big 90s-romcom-esque moment where she's like "i just don't want to lose you!!"

and in my mind this is where they have their first kiss

some tears, a lot of miscommunication remedy-ing, and one sexuality crisis on jackie's part later, they're a kind of-sort of-official couple

shauna ends up not going to brown anyway because it's so far away from home and all her people

and i feel like this girl is defs a homebody like you saw her being so reluctant to go to that party

when jackie finds out she basically jumps for joy and shauna teases her about it ENDLESSLY

them moving into a dorm together!!

shauna calls van over to paint the walls (#handylesbiansforthewin) and they end up coming out to tai and van first

who obviously are so excited (they knew before jackie and shauna knew)

i think they still would go for a pink and green theme, but jackie would ask shauna more about how she wanted to design the dorm because jackie is trying to ask her opinion more often and shauna is trying to voice her needs instead of exploding with no warning

they end up getting bunk beds, shauna on the top and jackie on the bottom

jackie loves to hang a pretty sheet from the top bunk and hangs fairy lights all over the bedframe

shauna's bed is always made and jackie's bed is always messy (it just makes sense to me that shauna would be the neater one)

usually jackie ends up dragging shauna down to her bunk so that they can cuddle, though.

shauna who takes several classes a day and majors in literature and jackie who can't decide what she wants to do so she does a double major

she also is super active in things like environmental cleanups and art clubs and other random hobbylike events

i think jackie might think about joining a sorority, but decides not to because she thinks the hazing rituals are mean

plus, she wants to keep living with shauna

shauna who is always reading some massive old book or other for her classes and jackie who will randomly get bored and pounce on her, knocking the book from her hand and tickling her

"jax, i gotta finish paradise lost by tomorrow or i'm gonna fail this class!!" "aww, but i wanna make out with you! :("

it usually ends with the book forgotten on the floor while the girls fuck each other on the bed

i definitely feel like jackie is the type to be a d1 math HATER who stopped taking it as soon as she could in high school

and it comes back to bite her in the ass when she ends up having to take more math classes in college

at least shauna is there to help her with her homework

poor jax ends up getting super stressed out when she doesn't grasp the concept and picks at her skin/bounces her leg out of anxiety

my undiagnosed autistic queen

shauna puts a reassuring hand on her knee and kisses her until she calms down

jackieshauna who go to reunion parties with the other yellowjackets!!

a few of them probably also went to rutgers (laura lee and taivan), but they still want to see the other girls from time to time

they usually drink beer and play a friendly game of soccer while they catch up

jackie and shauna would probably also go to a lot of regular college parties, mostly ones that jackie was invited to

shauna will sometimes get really uncomfortable at these parties, she never liked big crowds or loud music

one time jackie found her crying in a bathroom after jackie left her to hang out with some friends

she felt so so bad and did most definitely reassure her by making out with her right there in the random frat boy's bathtub

now they only go to parties if both of them feel up to it

shauna loves to watch jackie do her hair and makeup for the parties and when i tell you that girl FREAKS OUT when jackie puts on a cute little mini dress

literally bi panic the absolute MAX (i can't stop looking at her t-t-t-t-face)

jackie thinks it's super cute and gives her a teasing lil cheek kiss

speaking of kisses, these two become avid early 2000s rom-com watchers

they are SEATED when ten things i hate about you releases in 1999

jackie loves anything silly and lovey-dovey, but some of her favorites are pretty woman and amelie (she does try to learn french just because of the movie)

shauna enjoys them too, but she mostly just likes sitting on the couch with her arm around jackie's waist

jackie goes through a phase where she wants to straighten and dye her hair and shauna gets a nose piercing

they get matching tattoos!!!

jackie is really afraid of the needle but shauna convinces her it will be fine

they probably get something super corny like a moon and earth for "i love you to the moon and back"

jackie goes on to tell everyone that it didn't even hurt that bad (she totally cried)

they also get pets after a few years in college for sure

maybe in their junior or senior year, when they're both in their early 20s and financially stable enough to support animals

shauna gets an orange cat and jackie gets... you guessed it... a bunny

the cat was named "sherlock" by shauna after sherlock holmes (she loves mystery novels and no one can convince me otherwise)

the bunny is named "daisy princess shipman-taylor" by jackie

the two pets fight a lot at first but slowly grow to really love each other

the day the two end up cuddling up to sleep is considered a personal victory by the girls

"look babe it's us!!" -jackie

the two of them looove taking their pets out in those cheesy lil strollers to the mall and taking "family photos" together in crappy photo booths

the booths are really just an excuse to make out, but shauna still keeps all the photo strips tucked away safely in her nightstand.

well, that's all i've got for now! i hope you liked it, and if you did maybe drop a note to support a teenage author, if you please? it really does mean a lot. anyway, i'm so glad that this is the canon thing that happened in the show and no one died or got eaten, no one at all!! <333

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theconstitutionisgayculture · 2 days ago

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Hi, I just wanted to ask for some advice. I made my own conservative blog and I wanted to know how did you manage to reach the audience you have? The tags for things like ‘conservative’ and ‘republican’ are all just full of liberals hating on them.

I just started following a few political blogs and reblogged from them, adding my own commentary when I had something to add (not just "YEAH!" or "THIS" or "USUSUSUSUS flagemoji"), and occasionally making my own posts. There's no real secret strategy to getting noticed on tumblr. There no algorithm to manipulate or posting trend you can latch onto. You just have to decide what you want your blog to be, stay on theme, and keep plugging away. Eventually, if you have things to say that people are interested in, you'll find your audience.

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presleyverse · 2 days ago

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Title: Lil' Lamb Tags/warnings :BD!EP, part 1/6, vampire!E.P, dom/sub dynamics, dubious consent, human trafficking, blood drinking, p in v sex, eventual smut, oral sex (f!receiving), collars, eventually caring EP, possessive behavior a/n: I've decided to post Caring For Presley (CFP), to start working on this mini series fic for now (This will be probably be 6 chapters) as I have no idea what else to add to CFP, but once I do, I'll start working on that. Obviously there's no smut in the first chapter, but there is feeding in this, and I decided to put the rest of the fic under the cut.

You weren’t meant to be here—not in this velvet-draped prison, not beneath the heavy gaze of a man who looked more myth than mortal. But the price on your neck had been paid. Elvis stood before you in a fitted jumpsuit, “Well, ain’t you a pretty little donation,” he drawled, stepping close, eyes impossibly blue and hungry. “Guess the blood bank’s runnin’ sweeter’n usual tonight.”

You trembled from fear. He tilted your chin up with the back of his ringed fingers, slow and possessive, like he already owned you. Because now, he did. “You belong to me now, sugar. That clear?” His mouth was too close, his breath too cold.You nodded, the collar at your throat reminding you who held the leash. A flash of fangs. A kiss to your pulse. "Good girl." Elvis hummed low, a sound vibrating right through your chest as his thumb traced the curve of your bottom lip.

“Mh, darlin’, you got a heartbeat like a hymn.” His voice dipped, syrupy sweet, with that Southern lull that made the room spin slow. “Makes a man wanna say grace ‘fore he takes a bite.”

Your knees threatened to buckle, but he caught you with ease, hands firm on your waist. “Easy now, little doe. Ain’t no runnin’." He backed you toward the chaise, never once breaking eye contact, like his stare could brand you. Maybe it already had.

The plush cushion met your back, and he followed, one knee pressing between yours, spreading you open without even asking. “Don’t look so scared, honey,” he whispered, brushing your hair from your face. “I ain’t gonna hurtcha... unless ya like that sort of thing.”

His tongue flicked along your throat, cool against overheated skin. The moment his fangs pricked, you gasped—and he moaned like he’d been starving. “sweet Jesus,” he groaned, lapping at the blood. “They sure don’t make ‘em like you no more.” He drank like a sinner at confession—slow, reverent, indulgent. Each pull from your neck sent a throb through your core, tethering your body to his in ways you weren’t ready to name.

When he pulled back, his lips were stained red, but his expression was soft, almost dazed. “Elvis…” you breathed, uncertain if it was a plea or a warning.He grinned, fangs receding, eyes half-lidded like he’d just had a taste of paradise. “Now that’s somethin’ I wouldn’t mind hearin’ ‘til the end of time,” he murmured, thumb smearing your blood across his bottom lip before sucking it clean with a quiet, obscene pop.

“Got me drunk off ya already.” You tried to sit up, dizzy and unsteady, but his hand pressed you back down—gentle, yet absolute. “Ah-ah. I ain’t done. Not with you, sugar.”You could feel it now—the shift in the air. Like the room had been waiting for this moment to stretch on forever. “You’re mine,” he said again, voice dark honey. “An' I don’t share. Not with men, not with monsters. Not with nobody.”

Then he leaned down, his mouth ghosting over yours. “Now be still, baby. Let me worship what’s mine.”

Your breath hitched as his mouth hovered, the weight of him sinking into you like a second skin. “Elvis—wait,” you whispered, turning your head, trying to put space between your lips and his. “Please... I need a second.”

He stilled, just barely. His eyes opened slow, pupils blown wide, wild with hunger. Your pulse fluttered under his hand. “You tryin’ to run from me, little lamb?” he asked, low and dangerous.You shook your head, twisting gently against his grip.

“No, I just—” your voice faltered. “I can’t breathe.”His gaze flicked to your chest, rising too fast, too shallow. Then, slowly, he sat back on his heels, dragging in a breath of his own like he had to remember how. “Well now,” he murmured, brushing a knuckle down your cheek, “ain’t that just the prettiest sound—my girl beggin’ for air.”

You turned your face away, shame prickling hot in your throat.But he didn’t press you. Not yet. Instead, he leaned in close again, whispering by your ear. “You get your breath, baby. But don’t twist too hard. Collars like yours?” He tugged the chain gently. “They don’t come off without teeth.”

Elvis studied you for a long moment, like he was weighing the fragile threads of your fear. Then, without a word, he reached up and tugged at the collar, a slow, deliberate motion as if to remind you that he was in control, that he could take things away just as easily as he gave them.

The cool metal slipped off your neck, leaving an unexpected emptiness that seemed to echo in the pit of your stomach. You instinctively reached up to touch the skin where the collar had been, feeling the burn of where it had rested too long. “Yer free for now,” Elvis said, his voice soft but full of that same power he always held over you. “But don’t get too comfortable, sugar. I don’t need a collar ta keep you close.”

He stood, and you followed his movements as he turned, his presence larger than life. With a nod of his head, he motioned for you to follow. Without a word, you did.His bedroom was quiet—luxurious, though the air hung thick with the same tension that lingered in every corner of the house.

The plush sheets beckoned you, but you hesitated. There was something in the way Elvis watched you, his eyes dark and calculating. “Get on the bed,” he ordered softly, and you obeyed without question. You laid down, hands trembling, unsure of what would happen next.You opened your legs, seeking some semblance of control, but Elvis’ voice stopped you cold.

“No,” he said simply, his gaze piercing. “Keep ‘em closed. I didn’t ask for that.”

Your breath stilled as he watched you, waiting. The air was thick now, heavy with his command. And you, still unsure whether you were his prisoner or something else, could do nothing but comply.

#elvis presley #elvis presley x reader #elvis the king #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley x you #70s elvis #elvis the pelvis #elvis presley fic #elvis fanfic #elvis smut

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dilly-dahlia · 20 hours ago

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"if y’all want more on specific characters just drop an ask i will gladly answer because it forces me to think about it" Okay.

Vylad.

(please)

guys i’m being so serious but Vylad has actually been so hard for me to figure out because he has such a pivotal role in my rewrite (even if he doesn’t show up for the beginning part) and i need to get like. that good feel for him which I DONT HAVE 😭😭

anyways. as opposed to the more sure “this is Vylad” post like I did with Garroth and Laurance and Dante and whoever else, this is kind of gonna be me throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks. it’s also gonna be me going over some concepts i have for him, even if they’re ones i decided not to go with. you will see me connecting dots in real time. but i promise Vylad is so important and i want to get him to a point that feels right for me!!

okay so we keep the basic mcd lore. affair baby, shadow knight, brought Adelaide (Aphmau) into the world, all that. but i’m gonna start at the beginning

okay, affair baby. i very briefly entertained the thought of Vincent being his birth father, especially since I think the two could have some neat parallels and like obvious similarities yk. plus (and this is more minor) there’s the fact that like, all of the Ro’Meave kids have a name that starts with the same letter as their parents, so like… V and V. ykyk. i decided not to do that cause i feel like that’d be a useless plot line anyway. i’m thinking more like Zianna sort of had a fling with a maritime merchant that often visited O’Khasis

so it’s obvious that Vylad is an affair baby. not only because of his very different appearance compared to his brothers but also because Garte literally announced it and humiliated Zianna. i haven’t figured out the exacts of that but he publicly humiliated her to teach her a lesson

it’s also widely known that Garte hates Vylad. however despite this, Garte took Vylad in as a subtle manipulating “look how kind i am taking in a child that isn’t mine” kind of way yk?? and in the public, at least when Vylad is young, Garte seems to treat him like his own. but in private it’s clear that Garte does not see Vylad as equal to the rest of the Ro’Meave line and kind of shuns him. like he doesn’t give Vylad the same resources his brothers had, especially in academic fields. so Vylad is kind of pushed to the side. Zane kind of plays into that to appease his father

he spends a lot of time with his mother, and with Garroth when Garte allows. Zianna and Garroth actually taught him to read, which is something he’s thankful for because he doesn’t think he would have learned otherwise. Garroth was also the one that was always protecting Vylad from harsh punishments, and a large conflict for Garroth about going to the guard academy was leaving his brother to fend for himself

but Vylad and Zianna spent a lot of time together. their favorite place to frequent is Zianna’s palace garden, where she teaches him the meanings of all sorts of plants and stuff. and when Garte locks Zianna away for whatever “lesson” he’s teaching her, Vylad always finds a way in to keep talking with her. that’s how he got so good at sneaking around later as a shadow knight

okay so as he got older he was sort of excluded more and more from public events. his absence kind of solidified in peoples heads like “oh Garte DOES NOT like this kid…” but Vylad doesn’t mind because he wouldn’t consider himself to be made for these events like the rest of his family

okay so his death. it was something that was semi-planned?? so this kind of serves as a double purpose to also build tensions with Tu’la and all that. so what had happened is that a Tu’la spy infiltrated the O’Khasian guard. and that spy rose through the ranks and became one of Garte’s most trusted and Garte was eventually confiding in them that he wanted Vylad gone, even bringing up a premeditated assassination. the spy took it as an opportunity to kind of put O’Khasis against itself and took it upon themselves to kill Vylad. so his death wasn’t exactly planned, but it was on its way.

so Vylad died when he’s about 16. and he’s actually one of the reasons i have shadow knights age the way they do because I considered having him be like forever sixteen, but i didn’t really like that. i don’t remember why though because i think that’s a fire idea now i might change it…

anyway he’s 16 when he dies. that’s also another reason Garroth isn’t very happy about his marriage to Nicole, because she’s the same age his brother would be, but that’s another topic i’ve already yapped about

back to Vylad!! so he was turned into a shadow knight because it was known that he’s a Ro’Meave, or at least introduced as one. because of this, Gene and whoever else (i haven’t decided who’s in charge) resurrect him assuming he has the blood of Esmund the Protector. when they discover that he doesn’t, they also kind of discard him and hide him away

Vylad eventually breaks out. idk how. but he does. and the thing is he had devised this entire plan to start a new life for himself because he was getting tired of constantly being pushed to the side because he isn’t who people want him to be. so when he breaks out, he steals an orb and herbs that Gene had been working with to plant false memories in someone. Vylad steals this stuff, goes to the Overworld, realizes he doesn’t have a clue what to do, and goes into the sacred forest seeking the help of Hyria

his plan is to give himself a new slate. erase his memories and fabricate a new life for himself to live—one where he would never disappoint anyone or be tossed away. he asks Hyria to help him, and she agrees

before she does that, though, she starts talking to Vylad about the Divine Warriors, warning him about dangers that may come with the memory change. she kind of sort of manipulated him into instead reincarnating Irene, and she kind of used the fact that Vylad is a people pleaser that just wants to be Vylad to convince him to take Irene.

he agrees. with the help of Hyria he created a fake life for this reincarnation to have lived and experience and hides those memories in the orb he stole. and then he starts his journey to find where to place her

now obviously we know he chose near Phoenix Drop. he chose this place because he had been scouting it out for a while beforehand and actually had the suspicion that the head guard was Garroth (who had faked his death at this point, but Vylad didn’t know). so he places the staff or whatever nearby and is absolutely appalled when a whole person just comes out of it. he panics and then she starts waking up and Vylad doesn’t know what to do and he remembers the orb and very quickly does the spell Hyria told him to do

and when she wakes up the first thing Vylad says to her is “Good morning, Adelaide. How did you sleep?” and he comes up with this whole story that she’s a mercenary and then whatever else i decided that i can’t remember now

and. Vylad named her Adelaide, and he named her that because it was a name his mother loves. she always said that if she had a daughter her name would be Adelaide, so to put some goodness into this new being he named her what the most good hearted person he knows would have

and until we get a proper introduction to him in my rewrite, Vylad will be a recurring motif. i haven’t decided what exactly he’s going to mean, but he will often come to Adelaide in dreams or Adelaide will often talk fondly about the person she travelled with before settling in Phoenix Drop

overall Vylad is very insecure. he has this looming fear that everyone he comes across hates him and in an attempt to get people to like him, he ends up being a people pleaser or quiet altogether.

and that’s all i have for him 😢 i wish i had more for you anon because i love Vylad so much and he’s so important to me but alas. i hope you enjoyed this regardless

once again if you wanna know about a specific character just drop an ask! if be happy to answer :)

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izumiphoenix · 1 day ago

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I loved reading this so much! It sounds like you had a strong sense of your character from the start, and I admire that. In my case, she came to life gradually as I played and only later I realized how much the choices I made for her intuitively actually made sense and everything eventually fell into place.

My Tav is cautious and pragmatic too. She helps others when she can, but doesn’t stick her neck out unless there’s a reason. In quests, she’ll often avoid the responsibility for saving someone and making empty promises, but since the party usually heads that way anyway, they often end up helping regardless.

As a half-elf, she’s no stranger to the judgmental stares so it makes sense she’d stay on guard. My second Tav is a wild magic sorcerer and a drow, and the contrast is wild: Minthara was so sweet to her, but with my half-elf, she said something like “Oh, the Absolute is so kind, accepting even someone like you.” 😅 The hag also took jabs at her and Shadowheart for being of mixed blood. But since she grew up in a loving home in multicultural Baldur’s Gate, her outlook stayed open and curious.

Looking back, I think it was a bit out of character for her to accept Astarion’s invitation during the celebration but I was afraid it might lock me out of his route (and with where his approval was, that felt very likely). Besides, all other companions also seek Tav’s company that night, so it can be blamed on the overall euphoric atmosphere of the celebration.

I also get what you said about not connecting with a romance choice right away. My second Tav is trying to get to know Gale and while they have good chemistry, I don’t feel the same emotional roller coaster as I did with Astarion.

And yes, Astarion hardly ever talks about being a vampire - only in context of his condition as a vampire spawn, and always with bitterness. He clearly draws a line:

When you find the boar, he speaks about vampires like they're terrifying monsters, and his eyes say: “Is that how you’ll look at me too?”

When he talks about true vampires, there's no admiration - just revulsion for the “power-hungry beasts”

And when he rejects the idea of becoming a mind flayer, it’s always in terms of not wanting to turn into a monster again. Vampires are monsters to him. He didn’t want to become one and he doesn’t want to go through that again.

That’s why I don’t believe he ever truly wanted to ascend.

And that bear conversation? I only just found it this week while replaying to catch missed scenes, and this conversation is so meaningful and tells so much about Astarion it deserves its own post! You’re so right - he lays out his reasoning for seeking power in black and white: this is the world he knows, the world he has been living in. Either you dominate or be dominated. So in order to survive he has to become so strong that no one can even hurt him again. It’s only sensible.

I had no idea there are differences in the scenes after party depending on if you decided to protector destroy the Grove! Wow! For me it just proves once again that even if he approves some cruel actions on the surface, something doesn’t sit right with him underneath. He doesn’t just want a powerful or “ruthless” ally, he wants safety and a sense of control over his fate. A Tav who casually sides with those who dominate the weak may subconsciously remind him of the one who abused him - and he often compares such characters in the game to Cazador (like the Surgeon or Raphael). And the observation you shared just deepens my belief that he never really thrived on cruelty - he just thought he had to.

So even if approval points are important I also believe that it’s not necessary to follow the “approval point roadmap” exactly - it’s okay if Astarion disapproves when you decide to help someone out. He’ll notice kindness and feel real connection and that’s what matters the most. It also makes him so real too.

Starting from friendship is beautiful and probably exactly what he needs most. It feels closer to real life, too. It definitely felt too early for a romance to start in Act 1 but… I think what we have there is only an illusion of it, and the actual romance starts in Act 2 after Astarion’s confession. Then it becomes real.

Thanks again for your insights! I’ll definitely check out your posts. Glad we could connect! ✨

The Truth Behind the Mask

(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.

And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.

Couldn’t be further from the truth!

From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.

Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.

So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.

How Approval Looks on the Surface

Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points:

choosing evil replies/actions

seeking power

siding with evil characters

deceiving your opponents 

supporting his desires 

being understanding and accepting towards him

(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies 

And disapproval points:

making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”)

helping the weak

being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him 

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses 

In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not. 

But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.

So what's really going on?

The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story. 

So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?

Because he is terrified. 

When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk.

It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all. 

Let’s Look at That List Again

So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again:

refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk

seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!

siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit?

deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem 

supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want

being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster

sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left 

On the other hand:

making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope!

helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother

disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?! 

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?.. 

What Kind of Tav Does He Need?

Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:

pragmatic, cautious and clever

emotionally intelligent

non-judgmental

strong enough to lead and survive

That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.

So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.

The Mask

So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.

But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.

Still Astarion. Just more himself.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 astarion

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