#and even though that's not the case here

[dynjay]

/dips toe into shitposting hell

don't look at me

Bonus:

Hmm, yes...

[A Good Time]

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[sesamestreep]

I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.

like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.

[heylittleriotact]

No wonder Emmrich.exe stopped working when Rook asks if the tea in the memorial garden at the end of their outing was set up to impress them.

Death-man brought Rook to this place to try and help them sort through some of the feelings they need to confront in order to healthily mourn the death of someone who presumably meant a great deal to them.

The “light refreshment” was waiting at the end as a deliberate part of Emmrich’s care as a death professional. When I was in funerals we had coffee, tea, and freshly baked cookies waiting for every family that came in for arrangements, visitations, services, or after-care meetings: they’re comforting little gestures that people tend to really lean into during a difficult time.

So yeah. Given the circumstances and the reason for the outing to begin with, it would be a lot like someone showing up at the funeral home to make arrangements for their mum, looking at my spread of coffee and cookies and being like “Ooooh… are you hitting on me? 👀”

I would have had the exact same reaction Emmrich did lmao

[teaableu]

Cyborg boy

[ruporas]

lonely

[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”

The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”

The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"

The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."

The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"

The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"

The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"

The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."

The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]

[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

[turtleblogatlast]

“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo

[wardingshout]

Family for day 6 of SpeSilverWeek! Edition uuh found biological and crime I guess...

[royalarchivist]

This is what it feels like every time a new SMP has streamers I like

[anxi04]

tim acting like bruce’s parent fic lets goo

It always felt so odd whenever someone called Tim Bruce's son. Yes, legally he was adopted. But that's where that starts and ends.

Dick is Bruce's son. Jason is Bruce's son. Damian is Bruce's son. Cass is Bruce's daughter. Tim was never his son, and never will be. And yet outside of Bruce and Tim himself everyone else sees Tim as his son. It's absurd since it's clearly the other way around.

"Come on Bruce, you're tired, probably starving and dehydrated, just take a break. Two hours, that's all you need. Enough to eat and drink and take a nap." Tim says tiredly to Bruce, who instead of taking his advice like a responsible person would, just grunts and goes back to tapping away at the Bat-Computer. He swears he might as well be Bruce's parent with how he has to semi gentle parent him. Hmm… Maybe he should lean into that.

"Bruce, you won't be helping anyone like this, you could make a mistake and end up hurting someone else unintentionally. You don't want that right?" God if this works Tim's not sure if he's gonna cry or be happy. There is a hesitant grunt though so Tim takes it as it's working. "This is a sensitive case, it's also very difficult, so let's just… take a break and come at it with fresh eyes, yeah?" A grunt and slight nod. Tim nearly breathes a sigh of relief, he can see several mistakes Bruce has already made. Tim will make sure to come back and fix it and hope Bruce won't remember what he put down.

Bruce goes to stand up and stumbles, probably from the hours of sitting down without any food or water. Either way, Tim hurries to catch him and almost falling over with his weight. Thankfully the training Tim's been through accounted for carrying someone far heavier than he is, so Tim is able to get Bruce up to the Manor and sat down at a table while Tim makes him some soup. He's not exactly great at cooking but if he has a recipe he can make it vaguely good, and thankfully canned soup is easy to make.

He sets down a bowl of soup and some water in front of Bruce and sits across from him to make sure he eats it all. He narrows his eyes at Bruce as he goes to push the bowl away and stand up. "You haven't eaten it all." An annoyed grunt. "You need to eat a good amount to keep up with patrols." Irritated grunt. "Five more bites? Please, Bruce? Just five more, easy spoonfuls" Bruce begrudgingly grabs his spoon again ad eats the five more spoonfuls, even eating a sixth bite. "Thank you bud, just drink your water then you can rest and head back to the case." The nickname rips itself out of his mouth without warning, and Tim can see the moment that Bruce realizes what he called him and he's waiting for the yelling and…

Bruce stiffened and then relaxed. Looking far more tired than before. He drinks his water without any fuss (isn't that what parent's say about their kids..?) and slowly gets up, but waits for Tim to also stand up.

Tim's… not sure how he feels about this. On one hand Tim was 13, and Bruce was 40. On the other… Bruce was listening to Tim. He got Bruce to take care of himself (slightly) without issue.

Tim shoves the slightly uncomfortable part of him deep down. Bruce ate and drank water (not coffee!) it'd be selfish of Tim to not like that, right? He gets up and leads Bruce to his room and make sure he lays down before leaving.

He feels… weird. Very weird. He chalks the feeling to actually being in the manor for once. Normally he gets there and immediately heads to the cave, or sometimes forsakes the manor and heads in through a different entrance. Regardless he heads back down to the cave to fix the mistakes Bruce put down.

The look on Bruce's face when he called him bud is pushed into the back of his mind. Not gone though.

————————

Bruce was hit with a gas of some kind. Tim's not sure what kind it is, it's not fear toxin, that makes Bruce violent, and it's not Joker Gas cause… well Bruce isn't laughing. Bruce is however… timid. Quiet. Tim was able to get Bruce into the Bat-mobile with no issue thankfully, and Tim was able to stop the gas from spreading any more ad no one else was hit with it thankfully. The ride home is.. awkward. Bruce is in the passenger seat, trying to make himself look smaller. Tim doesn't have much time to focus on that though, too focused on making sure he gets them to the cave.

He feels so much relief when he sees the cave entrance and finally parks the Bat-mobile. "Alright Bruce, come on we need to find out what you were hit with." He makes sure his voice is soft. Since that day where he accidentally called Bruce 'bud' he found that Bruce… Reacted well to Tim 'parenting' him. The only things to work with Bruce have been Tim acting like Jason (Too dangerous. He runs the risk of Bruce realizing it wasn't a hallucination and getting violent at Tim for 'replacing Jason') and Tim parenting him.

Bruce slowly gets out of the car while holding onto Tim's hand which is… Odd. But not horrible surprisingly. Tim leads him over to the med-bay and sits him down (once again very odd. But then again everything about their relationship is odd now.) and grabs a syringe to take some of Bruce's blood for testing. They've done this plenty times there should be no issues and yet…

Bruce flinched. Batman flinched. Tim ignores the sharp pain of something that hit him. "It's okay, it's okay, I'm just gonna take a little blood, it'll be quick I promise, okay chum?" Tim did it again. He's heard Bruce call Dick that a couple times during their good days. He's overheard him call Jason that countless times when Jason was alive. He did it out of instinct (instinct? Why was it instinct to call Bruce the pet name he calls his sons?) and now Bruce is gonna yell and-

"..Okay." Bruce voiced out softly. Which sounds wrong out of him but… Tim just feels glad. Tim slowly but quickly takes the blood sample. He puts a band-aid on the spot, feeling every bit like a doctor giving a child a shot.

"You did great, thank you Bruce." Tim goes to move and start tests, wanting this done as soon as possible and then…

"Don't go." Bruce's voice calls out. Sounding weak, and soft, and everything Batman shouldn't. "…please."

Tim hesitates slightly, he really should start testing but… "Okay. I'll stay here for a bit longer." How can he just leave when Bruce is asking him to stay? He's never been asked to stay somewhere. Never been wanted somewhere.

"…thank you, dad." That seals it. Tim isn't his son. He could never be his son. He doesn't hesitate this time.

"Of course, chum."

———————

Tim's settled into his role in the family perfectly. He knows exactly who each of the members need him to be.

Dick needs him to be his little brother he can always go to to cuddle, Jason likes him best when he's unable to take care of himself, Cass likes him (which is weird and Tim is honestly still not sure exactly how to do that but he thinks he has a handle on it now), Damian likes it best when Tim is standoffish, Steph likes chaos Tim, Duke enjoys Tim when he helps him with homework and plays games, Babs likes competent Tim.

Alfred likes the Tim that takes care of Bruce. He likes Caretaker Tim. (When did Tim stop hating that fact..?)

Bruce… Likes Dad Tim. That Tim is reserved for Bruce. It makes Tim feel so many things. It's weird, he knows that, and it leaves a weird feeling in him that lasts for days but it also… makes Tim feel needed.

Robin was taken from him. For a bit he thought that meant he wasn't needed. He forgot he does something that none of the others could do. As long as Bruce still needs it he won't let Tim go. Not when he's still a child who needs his dad.

The others wouldn't understand. They already don't understand how Tim can get Bruce to actually care for himself.

He still remembers when he benched Batman. He could see the others think he was about to get scolded, or benched himself, or just thinking it was funny. The utter confusion when Bruce just grumbled about not needing to be benched but accepting it replays in his mind months later, he wishes he had a picture of it.

He knows they wouldn't understand. He's well aware. Just like Bruce knows. That's why they make sure no one is near to hear Tim call Bruce 'Chum' or to hear Bruce call Tim 'Dad'. They wouldn't understand.

It's not weird though. It doesn't matter that it's very similar to the cases Bruce specifically keeps away from Tim. It's different, those ones were weird, those kids never asked to be their parent's parent.

Besides Tim was never Bruce's son.

Dick is Bruce's son, Jason is Bruce's son, Damian is Bruce's son, Cass is Bruce's daughter, Bruce is Tim's son.

[skunkes]

[completeoveranalysis]

[10]

Ohhh. Now that is striking. This frame in particular.

You could read as many metaphors as you like into how this matches the general Watanuki narrative here - Watanuki mirrored against a distorted image of himself. Is that his past self? Or Lava Lamp? Or the hole in the universe he's causing? His grief? The general weight of his existence? The influence he has on other people's lives? They all work well, especially with one Mokona being black and one being white.

But also (Bad Apple plays softly in the distance)

OH HELP, THAT IS TOO MUCH. 

I AM OVERCOME WITH EMOTION. 

It doesn’t even matter which Sakura is his mother, honestly it’s such a Sakura move. For his new name to be a literal promise that they will see him again. 

So, that way, his an existence proof of their promise. Every moment ‘Kimihiro Watanuki’ exists that means their promise lives on. And every time someone says his name, it’s like their words are reaching him all over again.

OH HELP THAT’S TOO MUCH. 

And that’s such a cute way to round it off! Watanuki hears Lava Lamp’s voice echo through the universe, making him promise not to vanish. And this time Watanuki can accept it honestly, because he’s already decided to do the same - for the people around him and for Lava Lamp.

[avvocarlo]

it has been pointed out before but I like how the 9 news logo is there because that should be the typical response to anything they do

[humanmorph]

i'll find you one day / washed out in your head we'll be holding hands / with nothing in the air

[mouseratz]

it's interesting how many transmascs on this site can observe the way that feminism has often been derailed by "mens rights activism", because feminism is seen as a threat to men's rights- women's rights are viewed as in opposition to men's rights & therefore incompatible (for the crime of merely admitting how misogyny has a place in our society)

and yet. feel no need to self reflect on the way transmisogyny is viewed, too, as in opposition to trans men. how trans women's rights are viewed as incompatible with trans men's rights, how transfemmes are pretty constantly attacked for expressing their experiences & struggles because merely saying they exist uniquely is seen as an attack on transmascs, is seen as denying the issues that transmascs have.....somehow, the "what about me?" response is all that matters.

that is why "transandrophobia" gets compared to men's rights activism. that is why it's so connected to transmisogyny (which you're apparently not supposed to admit that people within the trans community are capable of); it is a repeat of gendered issues, there is still a refusal to just try to understand what women are saying. a continued insistence of "my issues are more important than yours" (even though that was never really what was being said in the first place. all that was being asked was to listen, to try to understand....but when a woman says it, complains about something, that's what you feel is implied. for some reason. hm, is there a word for that?)