#and even now I still feel like i should do more but thats just me

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Ignored | Salesman x Wife!Reader

Summary: He knows his work can take much of his time. But the worse punishment its being ignored by you.

Warnings: Possessive!Salesman - Angry!Salesman - Violent!Salesman - Sad!Salesman - Manipulation - Toxic!Relationship - Suggestive - Grammar mistakes -

It was true. He had started to leave earlier and came home late. He was tensed, tired and angry. Everytime he had to face these excuse of humans made his blood boild.

But he was good, too good at it. And the money he got from it was a big amount. Enough to give you, his dear wife the life you have always deserve.

Splendind nights out, visists to the most precious places, fashion clothes and precious little details (expensive ones). He loved to pampper you in them. He could not help himself but pull his card out the moment he saw you looking at something. It was a reflex, even when you tell him that its not necesary he still insists.

If you want a private Island then he would do his job three times or even more times better.

You ask and he does. Thats how it works. The only thing he expects from you its to be at home when he comes. To get him with a delicious dinner, your soft voice making the stress go away. You would make him lay down on your lap as you play with his hair and tell him sweet nothings. Its almost unfair how much of a effect you have on him.

However, this past days these things have not been happening. Did food wait for him when he returned ? Yes. Where you there with open arms to ease him ? No.

It had started slow, you giving him simple responses when he talked to you. Mornings when you would say you were too tired leaving him to not really enjoy the shower missing your body against his. Not responding his messages or calls (He almost killed the next person he had to recruit when your voice email sounded back).

And at home you would give him the cold shoulder. Your attention on a book (that he got you and now he wants to burn) or your phone (that he hacks and sees what you are doing).

Honestly he is started to get tired of this. He has lots of patience with you. He loves you, in a insane way. But he cant help but feel...bad. The feeling makes him want to vomit because how the object of his love and adoration, the one he crafted and made a live with just...ignores him?

Yes he knows he can be difficult at times. He tries his best so you only see his good part. But this is ridiculous, no one would dare to disrespect him like that.

There is a centrain charm on your way of going against him. But he does not like it. He prefers the doting wife. The one who showers with love and affection. Not...this.

"We need to talk" Are his words on friday night after a long day recruiting and a cold and lonely shower.

He is quiet angry.

"Im reading" You said back not bothering to look up from your book.

Alright, now he is pissed.

He takes some steps towards you, his taller frame casting a shadow over you as he takes the book from you rather harshly.

"We need to talk, and we will" He says in a cold tone, making sure to mark the page you were reading before taking your arm and pulling you towards the bedroom.

The light blue walls and the big bed welcomes you as he throws you on the bed. Under other circunstances this would mean a good time, but with the look he is giving you right now, its not. Its a look you have never seen before, a look that sends shivers down your spine as he closes the door with a click and starts to walk around. Arms crossed as he fakes to think.

"What?" You ask seeing him go to the wardrobe and for the safebox pulling out a smaller box. He pulled out  a syringe  and a bottle with some transparent liquid.

"Dear...you are scaring me"

"Scaring you?" He asked with a smile that did not reach his eyes. "My Love, you should never be scared of me. I just want to talk" He did answer once more getting closer to her syringe  in hand.

"Then for what is that-"

"Because I need to understand Love. I need to understand whats going on with you" He says anger in his tone. "You have been ignoring me for the past few weeks. Me, the Man of your life. Who gives your the world and does everytning so you dont have to lift a single finger"

One hand traces your face doing down to your neck giving it a grip.

"I work so hard, for you. I just ask for you attention. But you cant even give me that" He says pushing you down on the bed the syringe  now close to your neck.

"Is there someone else ? Have you lost your love for me ? Im not enough now ?" He ask the syringe  inches from your skin.

"N-no, please let me explain" You said tears falling

He does not move but gives a small nod so you can talk

"I...I was stupid. I started to feel like your work was more important. You have always be with me. You make time for me and we pass our days together. And then you...you start to leave earlier and be home late. You...you look different every time you get back. I thought..that if I did not give you my attention you would stop. But I never saw how much I was hurting you"

He does not move for a few seconds letting the words sink in. Then he leaves the syringe  on the nightstand. He cleans off your tears kissing them.

"Oh my dear sweet wife. How could you be so dumb? My work would never be more important than you" He makes you sit on his lap as he moves you like a small creature.

"I have been under so much stress...and so much work. Im sorry I should have tell you. Last thing i wanted was to get ignored by you and hurt you. Not that I would ever do it"

Well, if you were seeing another men or women then yes. He would hurt you so much. You would be calling his name and only his. Never daring to think on going behind his back.

Much like right now. He is sure you would never ever again ignore him. Not after that scared he gave you. He still feels you trembling in his arms and its almost arousing to him.

Fear. Such a primal feeling. He loved being the one behind it. The face that was associated with the word.

"Shh my love. Its ok, we are ok. You wont ignore me again and now you know there is nothing more important than you" He whispers biting your ear.

"That syringe..."

He laughts, a well faked one.

"Do you really think I would ever hurt you my Love?" Yes, yes he would. If it did mean you staying with him and obeying him. "That was a bad joke on my side. My apologizes" He gives you a big kiss on your cheeck. "Lets order some food, we can watch a movie too and call it a night"

He sees you nod but before you can move he holds you in place one finger pointing at his lips.

You kiss him, not giving him much pressure but he is not letting you go that easy. He forces his tongue inside your mouth, tangles it with yours, his hips moves making you feel him growing hard under you. One hand presses your neck guiding your face as he leaves your lips and trails kisses down your neck and collarbone.

"Im almost temped to dich food and just have you" His tone is dark, possessive as he kisses you once more. "But I know you must be starving so we can save that for later"

You wont ever know that syringe did have a powerfull sleep drug...to make you unable to escape him if that was your plan.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

How He feels. VS. How He acts.

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

thinking about how milevens tend to assume that bylers want mileven to break up just because we want byler to happen.

no love

wanting byler to be canon and wanting mileven to break up are two separate wants.

Mike and El have their own story outside of will. Even if Mike wasn't queer and Will wasnt around this story would still be their story. Will may be a character in their story but the story is still about mike and el. Mike and Els story line is the marriage of the two of their two individual character arcs.

El's story arc is based around the fact that she was abused as a child and was dehumanized to an extreme level that no child should ever experience. She does not have an identity of her own. She wasn't raised to even expect to have one in the first place. Her story is learning to be able to her own person. To just be herself and learning who that person is.

When she met mike she created an identity around him. and identity of being the super powered mage who saved the day. that was El. then she became mikes gf and suddenly she was now "mikes gf". It wasnt until she met max that someone actually tells her that she is allowed to be her own person. "theres more to life than stupid boys" "what feels right" before Max she was just existing trying to play a role of what she was supposed to be rather than figuring out who she was or who she wanted to be. What she wanted. El is not raised to have wants. El was raised to be a weapon, a lab rat, a tool that does what they are told.

When this story intersects with a story arc like Mike has you get the disaster that is Mileven.

Mikes story arc is actually very similar. Mike is a very codependent person. He wants to feel needed. he wants to feel useful. If he doesnt have a use to someone he thinks he must be a waste of space. Mike doesnt know who he is outside of other people. He has never explored what he wants for himself. He is for other people. As a codependent person myself i can relate to this a lot. It can be hard to know what YOU want for yourself, outside of people you care about. Mike puts his loved ones before himself so much to the fact that it tends to get him into trouble more often than not. The issue with being codependent is that you become almost blind to who YOU are and what YOU need. you suppress your emotions for other people and these emotions only tend to surface when you realize that holy shit. i cant do anything here. This is the situation mike is finding himself in during season 4 and continuing into season 5. there is nothing he can do anymore. it is clear that him putting el above his own feelings and giving her what she wants in his attempt to help is not working. In fact its HURTING his relationship with el. Now mike doesnt know what to do. so he's drifting. El was his trauma partner. when things get too hard and too confusing he retreats into "el mode" where his only thought is what El needs. This is not a healthy mindset AT ALL. no matter how much the media romanticizes that sort of thing. IT IS NOT HEALTHY. you cant live like that. but now El has communicated "i dont want that. stop lying and get your shit together".

so mike is stuck. and el is stuck.

because theirs is a coming of age story. however not all coming of age stories are romantic. Mike and El cannot communicate with each other. they are both selfishly selfless in the way they treat each other.

I am going to be who you want me to be because i think thats what you want and it makes me feel secure.

this is not something you want in a relationship. a relationship is based on trust and vulnerability. being able to be youre rawest and truest form of yourself for another person. and feeling seen and loved despite it.

this is not present AT ALL in mileven as a couple. they are both discovering who they are still and are not space to be doing that in a relationship where they feel the need to hide themselves from each other. you cant find yourself that way.

wow look how much nuance i pulled from mike and el without mentioning will once. wow its almost like will is not the reason their relationship is failing

[donttxtathebeach]

masterlist

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variety

Liked by yn.nolan, drewstarkey, ellefanning, and 67.7K others

Variety's #ActorsOnActors, photographed by @alexilubomirski.

Watch their full conversation at the link in bio.

drewynlover OH, MY GOSH

user wait, I thought she was doing her's with Harrison?

varitey we realized that because they are ex's, maybe we should have two people that are not as close. if you pick up what we were putting down.

user HARRIS AND YN DATED

user Yeah, a while back after she did the blackcoats daughter, they are still quite close

user guys, they figured us out 😔

user we were supposed to keep this under wraps, not out in the open 🤦🏽‍♀️

ynolan_updates I’m in shock; it was so good.

rafecam the way he consistently made sure she felt comfortable and safe the whole time I can’t take all of this

user HE KEPT CALLING HER BABY AND HONEY

user she called him love user I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…. she calls everyone love. user let me just have this one thing, ohmgeeeee

y n.nolan thank you for having me; it’s always a pleasure 📌

variety pinned this comment

drewstarkey

Liked by yn.nolan,brooke_starkey, madelyncline, and 60.9K others

drewstarkey Thank you so much, @variety, for having me. It was truly an honor to get to sit and talk with that beautiful @yn.nolan

View Comments:

brooke_starkey how does it feel to live my dream, @drewstarkey. She and I are best friends in my head.

yn.nolan @brooke_starkey You’re absolutely stunning. Next time I’m in New York, I’ll reach out to you, takeyou and to one of my favorite bars, my treat!

brooke_starkey oh my gosh, i would love that so so much

yn.nolan I'll get your number from drew

drewstarkey How do I dislike an Instagram comment? I do not intend to share you with my sister.

yn.nolan relax Drew, it's not like were dating

drewstarkey in my head were married

this comment has been deleted

user HELPPP he is so down already

yn.nolan truly loved getting to know you a little better, even if it was on camea.

drewstarkey don't worry, honey, you and i will spend a lot more time together

yn.nolan is that so starkey?

drewstarkey its not everyday you get to speak with Hollywod's most beautiful girl; I sure as hell would be crazy not to hang out with you.

yn.nolan you flatter me

user GUYSSSSS IT'S HAPPENING user again we have to act like we don't see it keep it on the dl

user yeah, you tell them

drewstarkey keep what on the dl

yn.nolan i would like to know aswell

user oh, look is that @sabrinacarpenter

sabrinacarpenter I have been summoned

yn.nolan Sab Babes, I Miss You

sabrinacarpenter hi baby love

ellefanning Not you acting like she is your best friend in the whole world... thats my place.

yn.nolan ella bean, this is not what it looks like

drewstarkey @sabrinacarpenter grab the popcorn

sabrinacarpenter i am one step ahead of you, @drewstarkey

user I have no one to talk to about this. Oh my gosh

yn.nolan

liked by dreystarkey, madelyncine,ellefanning,and 17M others

yn.nolan @variety Thank you for such an amazing opportunity, and @drewstarkey, thank you, love, for being such a grounding presence. Our actors on actors interview is now yours!

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drewstarkey The pleasure was all mine, baby.

yn.nolan drew, im going to block you.

drewstarkey no, your not honey

yn.nolan @ellefanning help

ellefanning @yn.nolan you are on your own here, baby.

user not trying to tame him

user AHHHH they look so so good

user i don't know if i want him or her

dualipa you stunning little flower

yn.nolan love you, dua

user im so excited to see them all in a movie together

harrisdickinson your absolutly stunning darling

yn.nolan keep it away from me, Dickinson; we already tried this

harrisdickinson yn why this is awkward... i was taking about @drewstarkey

yn.nolan 🧍🏻‍♀️oh then proceed as you were

haileybieber gorgeous, gorgeous girl

yn.nolan 😚💋

user YN FOR RHODE

halieybieber 🙂

user WAIT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

user I love her so much

yn.nolan_updates oh we’re about to get fed

user oh my gosh, you’re right Anora press tour

madelyncline goregeous gorgeous girl

yn.nolan have you seen yourself?

carlicagrant stunner

y/n's phone

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[dobbysimp]

since this is tumblr after all, i feel like i should go back to my roots so:

things that have been said to or around me, as incorrect marauders quotes

sirius: what kinda fruit would i be? and dont say faggot

mary: imagine getting to absolutely explode inside someone

*30 seconds of silence of picturing it*

🎶iF i WeRe A bOy 🎶

peter: cereal is non binary

sirius: sure if you wanna make it into gay shit

peter: FRUIT LOOPS ITS IN THE NAME

james: if you were a fruit loop color which one w- LETS TAKE A QUIZZ

barty: i don’t just throw it away, i play catch w my sanity

Remus: *mom lore*

Peter: were you an accident?

Remus: oh yeah

Peter: that checks out

sirius: i love cum

james: 🤨

sirius: dont quote me on that

james: im quoting you

pandora to barty: can you stop talking about sperm so i can do my tarot reading?

remus: this might be rock bottom

peter: the thing about rock bottom is you can only go up

remus: we dont know, i have a shovel

peter deadpanning: have you ever even BEEN on minecraft?

sirius: i cant tell if im having a crisis or i just need to wash my hair

peter: furry

sirius: furry

james: furry

remus, defeated: why is this the joke we all roll with?

evan: i was regulus-ing too close to the sun trying to put my emotions in boxes

james, to sirius: the trauma is bouncing around in your head like the dvd logo and only when it hits a corner do you get a second of peace

sirius: I wish I could date myself I would treat me so well

james: I think you just stumbled upon self love

lily, scrolling on tinder: he’s cute

mary: is he?

lily: *swipes left*

James: I have brain freeze on the outside of my head

Regulus: that’s called being cold

sirius: im getting a lot of… brain things

remus: ideas?

remus: *looking smth up about worms, reading the suggested searches* “can paul atreides control worms?”

sirius: would you love me if i was paul atreides?

remus: no

sirius: would you love paul atreides if he was a worm?

remus: no

sirius: would you love a worm if it was paul atreides?

remus: i would have questions about HOW the worm became paul, but probably not

peter: is it… why was i thinking self harm? no wait… masturbation!

remus: what are you, catholic?

sirius: if i ever jump off a building just know it was bc i genuinely believed i could fly not because i wanted to kms

barty: on my deathbed can yall bring me a cup of gasoline? i wanna try that shit at least once

james: dang nabbit, or whatever the fuck white lame virgins say

regulus: i think you had a stroke out loud

james: that was just me doing math

trans reg complaining while doing hw: im just a girl

evan: nO?

sirius, about Minnie: she’s always three spots ahead in the cha cha line

james: she’s in the cha cha line meanwhile im doing the macarena

(playing battleship)

remus: I cant believe you blew up my ship and your response was “tehee”

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler never said

(30 minutes later)

remus: (is losing at multiple board games) IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF! IM DONE- I AM SO DONE…

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler has said

dorcas: evan is emotionally unstable but mature

regulus: one usually leads to the other

dorcas: nah barty is emotionally unstable AND immature

regulus: i said usually

mary: their lives are gonna go up in flames and im gonna sit there watching and tanning

lily: can you tan from fire?

mary: for sure

marlene: do you think people tanned at the salem witch trials?

peter and sirius: *debating*

remus: what did i just walk in on?

sirius: can animagus fuck?

remus: excuse me?

peter: we think yes

remus:… I think it makes sense

sirius: now here’s the real question, if James and Lily-

remus: no.

james: what if i dated regulus just to watch the world burn

remus: the world wouldn’t burn, you would, and sirius would be holding the lighter

sirius, ranting about remus drama: and then this happened and I have never been more distraught… thats a lie i was abused but still

peter, after making 18 your mum jokes: that’s what your mom said

sirius: stop i can only take so much

peter: she said that too!

pandora: im chilling, i could be a budah

regulus: i don’t think you’re chilling i think you’re disassociating

pandora: im budah

remus, ranting drunk: because my parents- my parents pfft i only have one

dorcas: am i being manipulative?

barty: no, I would be doing the same thing

dorcas: that’s not as comforting as you think it is

regulus: Hey google how to find a man that will edge me for hours, no borax or glue

james: i mean i have adhd i could probably do that

sirius, about reg: he’s not even fun anyway

james: siri… he gets abused

sirius: dont we all

peter: i think the bible is a mass hallucination, kinda like the bee movie

pandora: yk how when you buy things in bulk its cheaper? maybe we can get therapy in bulk for all 5 of us

regulus about sirius after he leaves Grimmauld: Bro acts like a Disney kid who just broke the contract

regulus: so, cannibalism as a metaphor, right—

remus: go to bed

sirius: to speak or to die? speak duh, im probably gonna die bc of what I said anyway

regulus: i had a great childhood…

sirius: *side eye*

regulus: you guys are making me age so fast

barty: we are helping you mature!

regulus: barty i get abused, i’ve been mature since i was 10

pandora: *after 10 seconds of silence* beAutiful

regulus: YOU CANNOT SAY BEAUTIFUL TO ME BEING ABUSED

pandora: im gonna be honest i zoned out

marlene: *calls*

lily: *picks up*

marlene: im gonna destroy my hair i thought you’d want front row seats

mary: a mosquito could bite my clit and i would let it

lily: mary what the fuck

alice laughing maniacally: lets actually think of the logistics here

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

Ford is Not used to being dependant on someone as an adult - especially since Stan isn't dependant on him At All in return. It's gotta be doing weird things to his neurons, he would probably sit like a dog if Stan told him to, he is pathetic amounts of in love with him this is past partner in crime he's his hero, his guide, his Muse, his god, Ford is in a really weird headspace

OOOH i love this version of stancest sm. i know this is likely about the little ford au but i also just love this kind of stancest in regular sea grunkles and kills me. so much of stancest (and tbh just in their canon dynamic) is stan nipping at ford's feet and following ford's lead even their sea grunkles era. a lot of darker stancest always infers with ford being obssesive and controlling too and usually stan lets it, because hey thats their dynamic and its better than nothing.

but the opposite has SO much potentil. ford following stans lead. to think of ford realizing that he's way WAY out of his depth and that he needs stan way more than stan needs him now?? maybe he ALWAYS needed stan more than stan needs him?? after all, what did ford say about how stan wouldve been able to see through bill's tricks?? if they were together, the apocalypse wouldve never happened...

ford would think he's so lost now, lost without any purpose now that bill is defeated and he doesnt want the fame anymore either now that he knows his chase for it is what made him lose his brother, so he feels SO empty. except hes not. theres stan. stan whos strong, brilliant, charming and the most selfless hero ford would ever know.

ford wants to protect him so much but another day of stan saving his ass from a monster they were investigating (because he got too curious again) and ford thinks he could never EVER measure up to the way stan protects him, loves him, cherishes him and takes care of him. it makes ford feel awful, unworthy of this love after he promised he'd do anything to earn back that second chance stan too gracefully gave him. he can't fathom the idea of stan finally wisening up and leaving him even if its no less than he really deserves, because what else will he have anymore if he doesnt have his best friend, his hero, his true muse? it'll fester in his mind, growing and growing and growing, and he shoves it down deeper and deeper as much as he can.

but one night, one bottle and a million inhibitions thrown over the railing of the stan o war, he'll finally break when stan smiles at him while they sit on the deck, looking so happy when that makes no sense.

stan deserves the world, the entire galaxies, and ford can't give them to him at that very moment. he'll start crying, overwhelmed with how much he loves stan and how stan deserves the best— one ford has to grudgingly admit isnt him.

"woah, woah, sixer," stan interrupts worriedly, face falling. "what's wrong? come on, we arent even that drunk yet."

the joking tone makes ford feel worse, because how could stan stop smiling because of him and still try to make ford feel better? "i'm sorry," ford chokes. "stan, god, i'm so sorry."

"stanford," stan says placatingly. ford understands that stan understands too, that this isn't about the alcohol, or about crying out of nowhere. his hands cup ford's face, so large and warm, like a place where ford could hide his face forever with the depths os his shame and stan might even let him. that breaks ford even more. "hey come on, bro, s'okay..."

"don't leave me."

"i'm not leaving you, your big brain knows that."

you should, ford thinks but will never say, because he can't. "i can't lose you again," ford whispers with shaky breath. "i w-wouldn't know what to do with myself—"

"ford—"

"— because you're so brilliant, and brave, and good—"

"— i guess but—"

"—you're so good stan," ford interrupts whatever faux preening stan was going to do. his brother doesnt believe him, and ford practically crawls into his space.

"you are so, so good. you are so good and you don't even realize, i—" ford's breath hitches. "i don't even know how i could ever repay you..."

"pff, alright," stan scoffs, looking away, cheeks bright red and smile unconvincing. "jeez ford, you really are drunk." he laughs, his shoulders stiff and unmoving. "like what, are you trying to suck my dick?"

"is that what you want?"

stans eyes snap back to him, wide and full of shock.

"what?"

"is that what you want me to do?"

"no, ford– i'm not–"

"stan," ford says, reaching his hand now to cup stan's face, and god he's just as much of a perfect fit in ford's as he was in stan's. stan is so much bigger and better than anyone else, but with his own extra finger he just might be fit for ford. "stan, it's okay. whatever you want, whatever you need, i'll do it. for you."

sort of something like that. i really really like to think of a slightly toxic, but like in the "its toxic and also the healthiest way this dynamic can really go about" ending where ford tries to overcompensate to stan with sex and romance and stan is relunctant at first but seeing just how willing ford actually is really starts getting into the whole dom/sub— which fulfills some purpose for ford AND he gets to have stan come all over him so its kind of a huge win on all fronts

[lucabyte]

Hey I know this is kinda stupid but ur little joke comics of siffrin having a bald spot being treated like any other sorta funny thing siffrin has going on is genuinely really affirming as a trans man who might lose his hair one day

ehh its not stupid at all. ill pull back the curtain and say that oh yeah these jokes are supposed to be lighthearted and affirming in that way so like. walk w me here

cuz thats the thing this joke works regardless of headcanon for siffrin/your own gender presentation bc like. transmasc, amab nb, transfem, intersex, hell even just pick-a-rando-off-the-street cis people worry abt going bald because it's just like. a distinct possibility. whether your testosterone is home grown or store bought its just one of the things that it can and may do.

obviously, there's ways to mitigate hair loss. transmascs especially have really good resource gathering for this, it seems? and it's very good to have the options to control your body and how you want to appear.

but that's the thing. weird uncontrollable shit happening to your body as you age is The Great Equalizer. And we'd probably all be better off if we didn't treat it so weirdly or like such a taboo. So making jokes about it the same way you would like, your back getting bad or joints getting creaky normalises it. Because it is normal, and there should be some humour in all shared experience !!!

making this joke abt Siffrin in particular is also not done without intentionality, also. like 1, as you said they already have so much shit going on that adding more is just funny to start with, 2. it makes logical sense with how stressed and deceptively old they are and 3. theyre like. a twink. they aren't particularly masculine (especially owing to the fact that, canonically, they don't consider themselves a man.) and people really do not see balding as anything other than hyper-masculine. so it can cause a lot of perception issues if you want to be seen as... literally anything else. ie. genderless, feminine, or just femme? So it stops people from depicting characters who aren't hyper masculine as balding at all/worse still makes people irl feel ashamed if they Are balding but don't want to be that level of masc. But it shouldn't be that way, because it's not like your genetic response to T (and stress..) cares what either society presently thinks Or what your personal sense of style is. And y'know. just in general. it's cruel to be judgemental about things beyond ones control.

... This is a lot of words for "thank god. im so glad drawing this twink balding is making people feel better because i hope everyone knows i'm not making this joke in meanspiritedness" now go forth and like. be fine with being bald someday. it happens to the best of us

[theambitiouswoman]

I am someone with a desire to socialize/build relationships/network who has always had to deal with unprovoked envy, hidden animosity, general unprovoked mistreatment which has therefore made me withdraw and suppress a lot of my skills. I’ve experienced these things in social interactions and even interpersonal and familial relationships. while I can be self-assured, assertive and confident, I have a history of people-pleasing and I notice that this makes me more susceptible to the things I mentioned above. I have reflected on this and determined that most people have been intimidated by me/my talents but that the manner in which I go out of my way to appease people or just be graceful, kind, and soft-hearted in general or makes them feel comfortable enough to project that intimidation by disrespecting and attempting to belittle me.

I have dealt with people’s responses to me by embodying my masculine energy in order to self-protect (lots of anger). Do you have any advice or ideas for a consistent routine to help me truly begin assert boundaries, prioritize myself and not allow others to take me out of my true element (powerful, creative, self-confident) while also still dealing with said people? I have tried in the past but particularly in interpersonal relationship I fail, due to the way I carry extreme guilt for prioritizing myself and due to fear of abandonment.

I love this question, i've been dying to talk about this so thank you!!!

In my humble opinion, it seems like you are at a point where you have done work on yourself, are trying to improve and have learned how to become more aware of your surroundings. This is actually really great! My take away when I read it is that you are stuck in somewhat of what I like to call a limbo position.

And this is something that I didn't understand myself when I went through a lot of the same pain points you brought up.

Some of the main reasons you may be in this cycle is because, for one, you may be continuing in the same environment or meeting the same people in new bodies. Or you are handling the situations with new people the same way you did before. I think thats the point you were trying to make.

I just want to first say that you are not an intimidating woman. Get that out of your head because it sets a negative thought pattern and will subconsciously keep you in a loop where you are repeating cycles. You are only intimidating to the wrong people. You may be settling for less or selling yourself short in regards to your expectations with yourself or your self worth. I say this with love, obviously. It's probably not even something that you realize cause you really do seem to have amazing attributes. If you didn't, you wouldn't feel the way you do now.

However, I really suggest you stop trying to water yourself down to make others feel comfortable. Because that is really what its coming down to. You cant make a shoe thats a size smaller than you fit. Time to change your shoes because its obvious you have outgrown these environments and have not realized that you are capable of so much more. You are letting the guilt from this make you limit yourself and thats totally not fair for you.

Which leads me to your next paragraph.

The issue here seems to be the lack of emotional control. It is not what you say, but how you say it. And that occurs because we are not fully healed from whatever wounds, or not confident in ourselves. Either or, or both. You should be able to and can get to a place with yourself where you can assert yourself with a calm, straight forward tone and get the message across.

If fear of abandonment is your thing, you may be tying yourself worth to others. Maybe as a child, you experienced neglect, inconsistent care, or emotional disconnection that planted the seeds of your fear of abandonment. So you should maybe start by challenging the negative beliefs that stem from these experiences, such as “I’m not enough” or “People always leave me,” and replace them with affirmations like “I am worthy of love and connection.” Focus on self validation by meeting your own emotional needs, learning to comfort yourself during moments of insecurity. Express your needs and trust that doing so strengthens relationships rather than pushes people away. Change your perspective in the same way i referenced about you being intimidating, to abandonment as a natural part of life’s flow, so you recognize that it doesn’t reflect your worth. Work on your emotional independence by pursuing personal goals, doing activities you love and self love habits. This will help you build more confidence and resilience with interpersonal relationships so that when someone tries you, hurts you etc, you feel confident enough to be like, "yeah, you don't need to be in my life." vs being overwhelmed by emotion out of the fear of losing someone who is not treating you how you should be treated.

Hope this helped.

<3

[zoieru]

Mind-dump analysis of Sunday and Welt

Non-romantic, though you can see it that way if you want. Basically musings on their dialogue, body language, trauma responses and their views of the world. Based on my noggin, my experiences, and my knowledge on psych and philosophy. Mentions of trauma, and Aventurine. Spoilers for 3.0. Come chat with me about it in the ask box pls oml. (html broke read more link sorry)

So I was writing an Astral Express Sunday headcanon thing, and realised the part with welt I had more thoughts on than I could handle !!! So I decided to make a bigger breakdown of it from my perspective weeee. 1.7k more thoughts...hehe. Includes pics.

So, Sunday is essentially coming into this new world (the astral express lifestyle, the knowledge and involvement of other planets issues, everything not just Penacony) for the first time, and in a vulnerable state at that. He was trained and groomed to be who he was basically his whole life, and not just the positions of power and control, but his position he gave himself also of protector of his sister. That's been taken from him, all of it, his role, his direction, drive, everything. To say the man must feel lost is understatement of the century.

So when he is confronted with Welt Yang, a mysterious and stoic man who displays his intelligence by deciphering there's something up with his disguise, questions him on his motives, etc, but then seemingly confidently starts to trust him, he is...confused?

First, Welt says multiple times that he knows how he feels, he's had to leave a home quickly too, but doesn't elaborate. So his reasons are already determined at least somewhat by his empathy for Sunday. That is a lot for Sunday to work through. He mustn't have really related to anyone in his life, even his sister due to their vastly different experiences despite being in the same spot. To have someone, and quite quickly, especially after what he just did, sympathise, empathise, and relate to him...thats intriguing, and confusing, and probably a bit suspicious.

Further, when going to meet Robin, Sunday outwardly questions why Welt is giving him the privacy to speak to her, refusing to be a bystander for his benefit. Welt answers:

'i believe you're the kind of person that has the ability and desire to use everything to your advantage... but that everything does not involve Miss Robin'

Sunday pauses, and thanks him. It's confusing, unexpected, and yet another puzzle into Welt's character. I think this moment means an incredible amount to Sunday. Ultimately, his sister is everything to him, where everything started, and Welt has given him the space and freedom to do the thing he is so nervous for, he is dreading but must do, one of the hardest things he's probably ever done, say goodbye for an indeterminate amount of time. Who else has probably shown him this sort of seemingly genuine act of kindness, goodness, before? Probably no one. Plus, despite not really outwardly discussing his relationship with his sister with Welt before this, Welt shows an understanding of Sunday's care for her, to the point his usual nature and methods don't apply to Robin.

So that's why Sunday asks another question, after saying goodbye to Robin

He's starting to see himself in Welt, I believe, in some way, when he says 'I had a feeling that you would never give up on someone who needed help' which is reinforced by his 'help' of Sunday just now. But I think what Sunday is maybe confused about here is why him, why here. He is confused why they 'help' him, a 'nortorious fugitive' and a 'friend they never knew', rather than people in new worlds, people he deems perhaps deserve it more, people who he thinks Welt should care about. I believe, here, he is still viewing things zoomed out, from a grand perspective. He sees 'people' as an entity, much like how he did with his plan, saving them from misery by keeping them in the dream. But Welt goes on to explain that it's the people he meets that are his trailblaze, but on an individual and connection scale, not 'helping peopleTM' like he tried to.

And that means Sunday, it means Tingyun. Sunday even asks directly, then, 'why me?', and Welt repeats his previous answer. 'i know how you feel.' despite what he's done, he offers him empathy, help, and connection. It's alien to Sunday. He has heard the worst of people's deeds, was tormented by them, wanted to save them from themselves, yet Welt is just accepting him.

Then another thing, Welt sits in the audience watching Sunday become himself, say goodbye to his old self and everything he once knew, literally becoming whole again, and slightly unsure of how he exactly he will be once both halves combine. This moment is so so intimate, so deeply personal, perhaps the most personal I mean he's literally talking to himself, becoming himself, shedding everything he's ever known, starting a new life. And Welt isn't just watching. He says:

'Regardless of the outcome, you will have a witness. I'll be waiting for you in the audience.'

Here, he does multiple things. One, he is promising Sunday he will be here for him and almost continue to accept him in whatever shape or form after he's done, giving him the respect and time to do his thing, and the support he wasnt planning to get. Its like...almost a threat, saying he wont let him run away after, but not quite. its also a signal of protection. He is staying with Sunday through this obviously terrifying and massive moment, at a safe and respectful but supportive distance, something Sunday was planning to go through alone. Also, he says he'll wait for him. That's so...personal. ugh, it's too much. And the thing is, Sunday lets him, thanks him, wants him to be there. Trusts him enough to see him at almost a most vulnerable point in his life. Crazy stuff.

Plus, during this line, the camera zooms in on Welt's face for just a few seconds, emphasising how big this is.

Now I'm not sure if we should assume Welt can hear everything Sunday says to himself. The theatre is empty, afterall, but I dont know. Sunday says he's scared, says why he's scared, tells himself he doesn't like himself, parts of him. It's so goddamn personal, heart wrenching, truly. And there's a line here I want to discuss quick.

'to save more lives, you must first understand what they live for and what they die for. The best way to achieve this is through personal experience.''

This is a reflection of Welt's words, his reason for trailblazing. It shows he's taken them to heart, ponders them, realises that to truly help people like Welt does, he needs to know them, not see them as an entity from above.

Also, when done, Welt makes a gentle joke that covers the supportive gesture of his acceptance of 'either' of Sunday's selves. He almost dismissed the whole act as if it was casual, while subtly acknowledging it's significance, and gently showing his support, so it all doesn't make Sunday feel uncomfy.

'Well, how should I address you now? Mr Sunday or Mr Wonweek?'

I love it.

Then Sunday has the confidence to request staying with the Astral Express Crew. Knowing the others might hate the idea, but having enough confidence in the fact that Welt at least seems to want him there.

'You are one of my trailblazing goals.'

Sunday looks visibly touched by this statement. the feels.

So let's now skip to the Astral Express, where he's been on a while let's say.

After all this, Sunday and Welt almost have this unspoken deep connection somehow. They have shared a deeply personal moment for Sunday, and Welt has shared more with Sunday about himself than he ever has with anyone on screen that we've seen before.begins to respect Welt Yang quite tremendously really. Sunday now has time to sit, think, reflect, and probably torment himself with thoughts.

I think he has built this ridiculous level of respect for Welt, perhaps more than for most in his life. And also intrigue, confusion. He perhaps observes him. It is obvious Welt has a troubled and mysterious past, the extent of which is unknown but suggested, yet the man has a poise about him that seems stable, secure, confident. It intrigues him, maybe makes him a little envious even that despite this man having no set 'home', travelling the trailblaze with seemingly little control over things Sunday feels he would lose his mind over, he still seems confident in himself.

You ever feel like you're pretty self sufficient and able when alone or most of the time, but theres that one person where you're in their company and it's suddenly like all your brain function has dimmed and been transferred to them and they're now the 'thinker' and 'doer' and you're just there mostly looking pretty?? That's Sunday and Welt sometimes. Sunday was so used to being everything, controlling everything, seeing everything, that now he can relax that, or rather forced to let go of all that, as hard as that is, he finds himself inadvertently letting Welt take over a bit, observing and involving himself but Welt taking the lead. It's perhaps part of a trauma response to having to grow up too fast, to not being able to have had the points in life where you can trust and let someone have control for a while without risk. So as a result of this trust and acceptance he has built with Welt, his brain just sort of...relaxes a little. Welp.

That's displayed well in the infamous 'mom speak to the doctor for me pls' scene, I think. Cute.

Okay it's the end now, I could probably yap more but my thumbs hurt. One more musing though:

I wonder what it would be like for Sunday and Aventurine to meet, after all of that. They, ultimately, had a similar journey in terms of them making a big decision, a big 'attempt' at something bigger than themselves intricately linked to their identities and core beliefs, having to face parts of themselves along the way.

Now that Sunday has shed his 'grandiose' demeanour and plans, I wonder what it would look like for them to meet on equal terms. (Obviously not really knowing how this whole thing will have affected Aven coming out of it).

These two men, as literally mentioned in the 'combining selves' scene for Sunday in the theatre, are fundamentally opposed. One has been made to and has had to build his life and principles on control. One has had no choice to and built his life on luck, lack of control. It's such an interesting dichotomy to me.

There's also this interaction with Welt and Sunday before meeting Robin:

'I had a hunch and decided to try my luck. Seems I can be lucky sometimes'

'its not like you to leave things to luck'

'I'm trying to change too'

It's twice, in this long section, that Aventurine/luck is mentioned, at least. I wonder how he would view him should he know more, and now that he seems to have a certain begrudging acceptance and respect for luck/chance.

OKAY IM DONE FR NOW HAHAHA come discuss with me if u want :3 hope you enjoyed.

Here, take this, its not safe out there

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

[m1guelsgf]

part 2 to jealousy, jealousy????? 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

jealousy, jealousy ii

axel kovacevic x larusso!reader

hey everyone!! sorry its taken me so long to get back on it but i'll be back in full swing again soon. sorry if this is kind of short, i just didn't want to hold onto this for much longer. i'm gonna be starting some personal projects (poetry, short films, videos, ect...) so i wanted to get this out before i am even more distracted. super excited for s6p3 to come out!!! okay thats it, enjoy!!

your heart was thumping against your chest with vigor. you could barely hear the announcer introduce everyone.

there was no place to hide as the arena lights beamed down on you, leaving you visible and vulnerable to the attack of glares being thrown your way. the entire miyagi do team was focused on you, especially sam and your dad. they couldn't believe you would do something like this and their vision was beginning to cloud with betrayal. you understood it and that's what made it harder. you would react the same.

and then they finally looked away from you. it only took you a second to realize their faces had turned towards another traitor. tory was representing cobra kai, standing next to kreese besides your team on the mat. you caught her gaze and you both looked at each other with the same confusion.

"but today is about enjoying our host city and making new friends. or enemies. we have a field trip arranged for our competitors and for our sensei's, a cocktail mixer with some of the world's finest martial arts brands. it's a beautiful day to make a first impression. and i suggest you enjoy it because tomorrow, your lives change forever."

the arena errupted in applause and you were locked in a staring competition with sam again. "come on, let's go change." axel tugged on the sleeve of your gi. you nodded and followed him out of the arena, sam still staring daggers through you.

"now everyone smile and say barcelona. 1, 2, 3..."

the chorus was weak. "barcelona" flash.

"one more"

"barcelona." it was a little stronger this time.

"you two in the back, perfect." the photographer pointed you and axel out when all you were doing was holding hands and smiling. axel wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer when he noticed everyone now paying the two of you attention.

"and one more... i guess not." tory walked away from the group before the photographer could take another shot.

"i'll be back." you spoke to axel, making your way to follow tory through the aquarium.

"y/n!" you heard miguel call after you. he was standing next to sam and once sam laid eyes on you, she turned around and walked in the other direction. you looked at tory's vanishing silhouette and then back and miguel before walking up to him. he didn't even give you a chance to speak. "what the hell are you doing here?"

"sekai tekai? karate world championship? ever heard of it?" you rolled your eyes, annoyed at the accusatory tone he was directing at you.

"you know what i mean." miguel was never good at hiding his frustration. his brow was all furrowed and his eyes weren't the soft puppy dog eyes you were used to. they were hard. of course you and miguel had little spats here and there in the dojo but he had never been genuinely upset with you. "how could you do this to us? to sam? to your dad?"

"miguel, i know you're just trying to have sam's back, but this is none of your business." you snapped and it took miguel by surprise. he had never seen you be this assertive before. you were both seeing new sides to each other's character. "sam's the favorite. everyone knows it, you know it. even anthony knows. they don't care about trophies and championships but i do. this is my one chance. i know you know what that feels like."

miguel nodded, now beginning to understand your point of view. "you should talk to them."

"they're not going to hear me." you gave miguel a half smile. "good luck, miguel. the team and my sister are going to need you." you caught back up with axel, letting him lead you through the aquarium.

you spent the rest of the afternoon with axel, trying to get that nagging voice out of your head that said miguel was right. you needed to talk to your family. you knew the karate drama would come quickly but you didn't want to deal with it just yet. you just wanted to be axel's girlfriend for a few more days.

the first challenges began later that night. in the first match it was miyagi do, cobra kai, furia de pantera, and iron dragons in the first group.

"we should attack miyagi do first. they're gonna protect the egg. it won't be that hard to pick them off one by one." you spoke into your huddled team members. everyone was looking to you and axel. axel was about to agree with you but sensei wolf rose a hand to stop you.

"the point of this challenge isn't to take down the most teams. the point is for my captains to stay untouchable. understood? the rest of you will protect them. stay in this corner. v formation. let them come to you." sensei wolf instructed and you all nodded, following his directions. you could always get behind a defensive strategy

the game began and tory immediately started attacking miyagi do as you had suggested to your own team. the mat was chaos. you and axel watched from behind your line of defenses. "how are you feeling?" axel spoke in a voice just low enough for you to hear.

"i think i'm fine." you spoke in return. "just trying not to think about it too much." your new teammates easily defended you and axel from the opposition. "i kinda like not having to do anything here though."

"it makes us look... cool." he replied and it made you crack a smile at his response. you were finally able to relax a bit. it didn't take that long for sam, robby, and the other teams captain to get taken out of the match by cobra kai. there was only 3 of them while your entire team was still standing. axel looked down at you and you nodded when you met his gaze. the four dragons that had protected you two dropped to a knee at sensei wolf's command and walked off the mat.

tory looked to her teammates. she had never seen you look this intimidating. you and axel were standing there in a junbi stance, not having even broken a sweat yet. two weapons of destruction kept safe for the final attack. she envied you for having axel at your side when she desperately wanted robby at hers. she furrowed her brows and put on her game face, bouncing on her toes as she rose her fists. "ais!" she yelled, trying to shake away her uncertainty and lunging towards you.

you easily dodged her first attack, quickly spinning around for a hook kick that she narrowly managed to dodge. meanwhile, axel had already dropped yoon to the floor and was now facing kwon. it wasn't hard to tell that tory was nervous. her energy was almost as intense as the last time you saw her. she was unable to stop bouncing around so much and she was telegraphing. you faked a punch, which she followed and opened up the opportunity for you to kick her across the face and down to the mat.

beside you, axel had also taken kwon down. "it's good to see you tory." you offered her a hand and she hesitantly took it, letting you help her stand up. "just remember to breathe, okay?" you offered her a smile and it looked like she wanted to say something but kwon and the other cobras dragged her away. you looked at axel and grinned, hugging him and he lifted you off the ground a little before you both left the mat. it felt good to be under your boyfriend's arm after winning a match.

your dad watched with a heavy heart. his little champion was doing it without him and she was succeeding. you didn't need him anymore. he wrapped an arm around sam's shoulders and walked with her out of the arena. daniel needed to make things right but he didn't know how. he didn't know if it was even possible to convince you to come back to miyagi do, considering how well you were competing away from him.

"are you okay dad?" sam asked, looking up at her father with concern.

"yeah, sweetheart. i'll be alright. we'll be alright." daniel spoke, trying to convince himself as well as sam that everything would be alright.

"what the hell are you doing?" sam approached you in the hallway leading to your room.

"getting ready for bed?" you responded in an obvious tone, not wanting to have this conversation right now. she approached you the same as miguel earlier, but you knew she wasn't actually looking to talk like he was. she just wanted to argue and get all her anger out.

"cut the crap." she stepped closer as if she was challenging you. "why would you do this to us? i mean, i get you're mad at me and dad but everyone else? are you really that selfish?" she crossed her arms and shook her head in disapproval. "and did you know that tory was coming? we all saw that little moment you had and if you did-."

you scoffed and cut her off. "do you hear yourself? this is why i didn't tell you i was joining axel's team. you take everything so personally. this was never about you. it's about me. you should know better than anyone that i have worked my entire life at this. this is my only opportunity and you and dad stole it from me. i did what i had to do." you defended yourself.

"so you're not even gonna apologize?" sam narrowed her eyes at you. "you let all of us down, you hurt dad, and you're not gonna apologize? we were counting on you."

you shook your head and a disbelieving smile crossed your face. of course, she would try to guilt you into apologizing. that was her move since childhood. you weren't going to let her use your dad against you. "and tory was counting on all of you. if you came here looking for an apology, then you're looking in the wrong place." you swiped your keycard and entered your room, closing the door and pressing your back against it, sliding down to sit on the floor.

you were finally alone but the noise in your mind was still loud. you began thinking about your father. the man who gave you life and all the skills you are now using in the biggest moment of your life. that same man who tried to take this opportunity from you. the same man that you betrayed. your dad wasn't even angry. you remember his expression as it has been seared into your mind. you couldn't believe that you could be the cause of so much pain and sadness. he's your dad and you turned your back on him. he wasn't his usual self, that always had a comeback. normally he would try to talk his way in but this time, your dad had nothing to say to you and it made your heart ache.

you tried to remember axel, who would be by your side no matter what.

during the next day of challenges, you excelled. not a single point had been landed against you. axel was doing just as great. a true power couple. you could feel sam's judgement from across the room. everytime you caught a glimpse of her,she would narrow her eyes and say something to miguel, or robby, or anyone that was around. it was beginning to annoy you that she insisted on being mad at you. all her focus was directed at you and while she wasn't being beat on the mat, most of her teammates were. you wanted to tell her that being captain also meant that she had to be there to support her teammates and lead them. you didn't though. you said nothing as you watched miyagi do's rank sink lower and lower and the iron dragons stay at the top.

miyagi do managed to stay in the tournament, just barely, so naturally they hit the bars in the beach district with the other teams who avoided elimination.

you arrived at the bar under axels arm once again. the both of you were really liking how close you were able to be now that you were on the same team. axel was loving being able to actually be your boyfriend. it was hard to be apart from you for so long. there was so many moments where he felt he needed your support and you couldn't be there because of the distance but now you were doing this together. you were fighting the same battles and protecting each other. he wasn't too fond of how his teammates and basically every guy looked at you but he understood. you were incredibly beautiful and skilled. he knew his jealousy was a reminder that you were amazing and everyone could see it. that didn't make it any less unbearable when guys glanced in your direction with that certain look in their eyes.

the pit in your stomach had finally managed to subside and you were swirling your drink around in its glass while you listened to your teammates talk. they were nice, less intimidating than when you had first met them. the other dojos at the bar looked at you guys with curiosity and hunger. you were the top dogs. everyone wanted a piece.

and then miyagi do walked in. it was more of a sad stumble into the bar as they all carried a grim air with them. you could understand them beating themselves up for their less than stellar performance, but even hawk wasn't standing as tall as he usually did. miguel was missing from sam's side and sam hadn't even bothered to glare in your direction when your eyes met. something was wrong. "i'll be back." you said to axel and he turned his attention to where yours was.

axel knew how much you cared about your family and friends and what they thought of you. "want me to come with?"

you shook your head. "maybe in a bit." you stood up, kissing axels lips briefly before walking over to the table all the miyagi do's gathered around. "hey..." you spoke with caution. they all stared at you with the same blank expression. "how's it going?" you didn't know what to say but you knew saying nothing was worse.

"how's it going?" sam scoffed and shook her head at you. instead of going off on you like she normally would, sam walked over to the bar and sat next to robby. you were tempted to follow but you knew it would take sam a little longer to have an actual conversation with you as opposed to yelling at you.

"so when were you gonna tell us you're dating ivan drago?" demitri asked, curiously looking behind you to where axel was watching you with intent. you glanced at him over your shoulder and smiled. his expression softened and he waved at you and your friends. they all timidly waved back.

"his name is axel kovacevic and i met him at a tournament about 2 years ago." you explained.

"so that's who you're always on the phone with?" devon asked, eyes now gleaming with the hope of an overseas romance of her own.

"yeah." you answered, blush creeping up your face. "i wanna say that i'm sorry guys. i wasn't trying to lie to you."

"were you always going to switch sides?" eli asked and you shook your head.

"no. i really wanted to be your guys captain but everything worked out the way it did and then axel offered it to me. i couldn't say no." you pursed your lips together. "you guys know this is my life right? only two of those trophies in the dojo belong to my dad. the rest are mine. this doesn't matter to them the way it does to me, it was my only option."

"hey, i get it." eli nodded, surprisingly understanding. "i've done what i had to do in the past. it's not easy. we'll try to talk to sam."

"you didn't know about tory though, right? because sam is convinced you did." demitri asked.

"of course not." you shook your head. "i would have told her its a bad move." you looked at tory across the room. "what's with everyone's doom and gloom? i mean i know you guys were kissing the mat all day but what's up? where's miguel?"

eli and demitri looked at each other. "miguel and johnny had to go home. there was a problem... with the baby." devon explained and your eyes widened.

"is his mom okay?" you were fond of miguel and his family. he was like another brother to you and his mom and yaya always treated you like one of their own. they didn't deserve this.

"unclear." demitri answered and you looked at both sam and robby at the bar, deflated versions of themselves. you decided to make your way over, sitting next to sam.

"i'm sorry." you spoke and before she could respond you continued. "miguel and his family are strong. they're gonna get through this. i'm just really sorry they left and the both of you had to stay. i know you two would want to be there to support them." robby glanced over at you and gave you a silent nod while sam let out a shaky breath followed by a sharp inhale. her eyes were glassy as she had been thinking about miguel and the baby all night.

"i can't do this right now." she stood up and walked away from the bar. robby watched her go.

"go ahead robby." you gave him a reassuring nod, letting him know it's okay to follow his best friend. he did just that, leaving you alone at the bar. axel had still been watching you from afar, anxious to be at your side again. before he could approach you, someone else swooped in.

"what are you doing talking to the losers of the day?" kwon jaesung took the seat besides you. you glanced over to where him and tory had been sitting but it was now empty. the cobras had gone.

"old friends." you looked him up and down, sizing him up. you saw how ruthless he was on the mat, no matter who his opponent was. you couldn't help but worry that he would try to use his strength against you.

"really?" he asked, leaning in closer. "from where?"

you took a deep breath, deciding how much you wanted to reveal. "childhood."

"interesting. so why're you not on their team?"

"do you always ask this many questions?" you asked, confused as to how he was approaching you. you couldn't tell if he was trying to be intimidating, flirty, or friendly.

"just trying to get to know the competition."

you narrowed your eyes at him. "hmm... how's tory?"

"you know her too? wow..." kwon smiled amusedly. he was just trying to rile axel up and throw him off his game but now he realized that he had the chance to mess with everyone by toying with you. of course he would take it. "she's not as good as she thinks she is."

"she's been killing it." you responded. besides the point you landed on her yesterday, not one point had been landed against her. tory was at the top of her game, no hesitation whatsoever.

"guess i don't like people who have everything handed to them." kwon answered back. "not even one day in the dojang and she's already captain. pshh... please."

"trust me, tory hasn't had it easy. it might seem like she just showed up and had it handed to her but she earned that captain spot." you were a tory defender through and through. you had even helped your mom find help for tory when the karate drama was at its peak. you knew she wasn't a bad person, just misunderstood.

"right..." kwon clicked his tongue and glanced you up and down subtly. "and what about you?"

"what about me?" you shrugged and watched him sip his drink.

"did you earn your spot?"

the question took you off guard. thankfully, axel had came to your rescue, arm wrapping around your shoulders. "kwon." his voice spoke the name of the competition in front of you. axel narrowed his eyes. kwon was too friendly, too calculating, too smug and too close to you for his liking.

"axel." kwon shot axel a look you couldn't read and began walking away. "nice meeting you, y/n. see you around."

you watched him go and axel took his seat. "what did he say to you?"

"nothing really. he's actually kind of interesting to talk to." you smiled at axel, turning to order the two of you more drinks.

"hmm..." axel trusted you. he knew you weren't the type to lead him on. axel never questioned your feelings for him because he knew it was real. he just didn't trust kwon in the slightest. he didn't like the way kwon looked at you, like you were a plaything for his amusement. kwon was arrogant and entitled and he only hoped he would be around for any attempt at an advance kwon tried on you so that he could put him in his place.

mornings were axel's favorite time of day. it meant that the slate was clean and that everything was ahead of him. his routine was the basis of his entire person. he started the morning with a run to clear away all the fog in his brain, followed it with sensei wolf's intense training regimen and ended it with a shower. he listened to a lot of music but he most often found himself listening to something classical, usually chopin. to be the most center and focused version of himself, he needed to silence any noise in his head and body.

he was just finished with his shower when he walked down to check on you. you told him you wanted to practice your kata before today's challenges. it was a pleasant surprise to hear your laugh as he made his way down the hall. "no, like this." you were instructing someone, probably a friend from home. cute. however, once he stepped inside the small mirrored room, his stomach dropped.

kwon was at your side, eyes raking over your frame in the tight athletic clothes you were sporting. no wonder he wasn't getting the kata forms right. axel cleared his throat, catching the both of your attention. "axel!" your face lit up and you waved at him. "i was just talking about you. you. you should show us your kanku dai kata. even i can't remember all those moves."

axel had been listening to you but was locked in a serious staring match with kwon. "maybe some other time." the noise was starting to come back. an intense, angry static that overlapped with the sounds of people talking and a high pitched ringing. looking into kwon's eyes, axel could see what his intentions were and he hated it. "let's go, y/n."

"okay, i'm almost done here, there's just a few more-"

"now." axel was speaking to you but his focus was still on kwon. you glanced at your boyfriend and then at kwon, offering an apologetic look to kwon as you grabbed your things and followed axel out. kwon was left in that room by himself feeling like he had already won. he got a kata lesson from a pretty girl first thing in the morning and he got into axel's head, on top of all the damage he had been doing to miyagi do. kwon hadn't even broken a sweat yet while all of you were beginning to feel the heat.

meanwhile, you were struggling to keep up with axel as he headed towards the elevators. "axel, your legs are way longer than mine. wait!" you called out after him and he stopped in front of the elevator, pressing the button. when the doors open, he grabbed your hand and almost yanked you inside.

"what were you doing with him?" axel asked when the doors closed, leaving the two of you alone in the elevator.

you pressed the button for your floor. "practicing kata forms? why?" you looked up at axel and he was out of his usual calm element. his hands were clenched at his sides and his jaw was set.

"i don't want you talking to him anymore." axel said firmly.

you were confused. "why's that?" kwon hadn't done anything wrong. he was blunt and cocky for sure, but he was just being friendly with you. he knew you were with axel and he acknowledged your relationship all the time. he even gave you pointers and showed you a few offensive moves.

"i just don't, okay?"

"axel, you need to give me a reason if you're going to tell me not to be friends with someone." you crossed your arms, mood now being dampered after your good morning.

"i don't like him." axel couldn't figure out how to tell you that he just knew what kwon was up to without any real proof. it was all in his eyes. "and i don't want to see you with him again, okay?"

"i don't get it, why don't you like him?" this was the first you were seeing axel's jealous side and it wasn't your favorite. he had nothing to worry about and should have known it. you didn't appreciate feeling like he couldn't trust you around other guys. before axel could answer, the elevator doors open. a little down the hallway, your dad was standing in front of your room. "great." you sighed and stepped out of the elevator, pressing the button to shut the doors before he could say anything else.

"sweetheart." your dad walked towards you, engulfing you in a big hug.

"dad." you whispered into his chest. "are you okay?" you could tell something was wrong.

"no. can we go inside?"

"yeah, yeah." you opened your door quickly and you two stepped into your room. "what's going on?"

"i need you to leave the iron dragons. now." daniel sat at the edge of your bed and let out a sigh. he had just found out that terry silver was behind the iron dragons and he couldn't live with himself if you got hurt because of it. you rolled your eyes.

"that's what's wrong?" you asked. between axel telling you not to be friends with kwon and your dad telling you to leave the team and sam being mad at you, you were threatening to explode.

"yes. you don't understand. there are-"

"no." you stopped him. "you don't understand dad. i have wanted this for my whole life and you were just going to take it from me. you didn't even give tory a chance. you're so concerned with doing things the right way and honoring mr. miyagi but i know mr. miyagi would have wanted me to take this opportunity. he would have wanted me to be here."

"you don't know what you're talking about." with all daniel was learning about mr. miyagi, he didn't even know what his late sensei would think of the situation they were in.

"i'm not leaving the iron dragons. i can't keep waiting around and being passed up for every opportunity when i can go out and take it for myself. i can't keep going in circles dad. i'm never going to grow that way." the silence weighed heavy between the two of you. "i'll see you in the arena dad." you walked over to the door and opened it. your dad left. you shut the door and went into the shower, attempting to wash off the morning you just had.

at the arena, you found yourself alone in a practice room. there, you tried practicing the kanku dai kata that axel had shown you. it was a total of 65 moves and you only ever managed to remember it when he was doing it with you. you got about halfway in before you saw a reflection in the mirror that made you whip around.

"kanku dai?" kwon asked from the doorway.

"yeah." you responded, now rocking awkwardly on your heels. you didn't know how you should act, considering how axel felt.

"sorry if i caused trouble with axel." kwon said from his spot across the room.

you shrugged your shoulders. "jealousy. i get it. i'm not crazy about him training with zara all the time."

"ah yes, the queen of karate." kwon recognized the name. "surprised she hasn't tried to take axel from you."

"what do you mean?" you asked, grabbing your water bottle and straightening your gi out.

"she has a reputation." kwon said and noticed your expression falter. "i'm sure it's not like that though. axel would be stupid to let a girl like you go."

you smiled a little at the compliment and took a sip of your water. "are you serious?" sam's voice came from the doorway, next to kwon. she was walking with robby and miguel towards the locker rooms. you just couldn't catch a break.

"sam." you could only watch them go. "i should get going too. i'll see you out there."

"see you." kwon bid you goodbye, smirking to himself as he leaned against the wall. the fun was just beginning.

[thebrookesnook]

i’m alive.

guess who’s sem break turned out to be a lot busier than anticipated? :,D

just a small update on me: lots of fandom wips (art & writing, not enough finished pieces but we’re getting there), windbre brainrot, doing gifts for + spending time with family and friends, more windbre brainrot, preparing for and worrying over 2nd sem, gov paperwork stuff, went on a date, and making financially bad but worth the cost decisions with my year-long savings.

in conclusion: life, but I’ll slowly go thru what I’ve missed with moots and fandom stuff.

[umblrspectrum]

still thinking about it so heres a bunch of stuff

[dykedvonte]

Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

-💀

It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

[puppppppppy]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneepy cozy time....

[rouge-fauna]

I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.

I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.

Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.

In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.

But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.

[nerdie-faerie]

Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart